#the trolling is her reason for existing at this point

[hallucinateonpaperspines]

What would have happened if Ashley had been transporter to the bayvers insted of prime?

...

You know Optimus's slow descent from hopeful leader, to violent road rager, to bitter mid-life divorcee? Yeah, Ashlyn went through that within the first half hour of realizing what universe she was in.

She's graduated into the wine aunt stage of giving a shit. Afternoons are dedicated to posting "visions" of the future and dragging every character she can still remember online. Girl is listening to a Beethoven remix as she graffiti's the world and Cybetronians that think they're subtle in their vehicle modes.

Both, Optimus and Megatron are a bit more clued into her importance, so the treasure hunt IS ON for the chaotic organic, poor Sam being taken along for the ride (or accidental hijacking- she's not sorry).

Ashlyn is Agent Simmons's nemesis. There is a wall covered in blurry photos, red string, and thumbtacks within Sector Seven and the man is even worse than JA332 with the conspiracy theories. He has no idea the human cryptid and online seer are the same people.

Soundwave knows and is in so much pain. He refuses to come down to earth on principle.

"There's gotta be a connection- there has to be one! Selling alien scrap to a wannabe inventor in Texas, spray painting an unregistered police car, and publically threatening the CEO of Hotchkiss Gould Investments in his own damn lobby! What's next? Knocking on the Hoover Dam?!?!?" "Sir your mother's calling. Apparently, someone put in a delivery order for you at her deli... it's for this address." "Dammit" "Also that blog you've been following updated again. They're saying there's an English Lord with an alien robot butler, and they're part of a secret society that has been observing these aliens for generations. And a bee fought the Nazis." "They're hiding their genius with insanity."

Thank you for reading!

[thankskenpenders]

The mystery of that random magenta-haired Sonic woman: solved?

For almost three years now, there's been a little mystery in the Sonic franchise: who the hell is this lady?

Well, it seems like fans have collectively pieced together the answer. And it's more interesting than I expected.

For those who don't keep up with Sonic lore minutia like I do, this is a screenshot from the very first episode of TailsTube, released on YouTube back in March 2022. When Sonic and Tails were explaining the basics of their Earth and the fact that humans and anthropomorphic animals coexist, Tails showed a slide of some human NPCs from Sonic Unleashed. But the slide also included this never-before-seen character design, drawn in a conspicuously different, more anime-influenced art style from the Pixar-esque Unleashed characters. So... where's she from?

At the time, it was assumed that she was probably from an upcoming project. She looks like she could be an explorer of some sort, so maybe she's just an NPC from Frontiers, I thought. And then she wasn't in Frontiers. Sonic Prime, maybe? Nope, no humans in Prime. Okay, well maybe the IDW comics are going to start incorporating humans, now that the "two worlds" thing has been undone and humans once again canonically exist on the same planet as Sonic and friends. Well, if she's gonna show up in the comics, it's been almost three years and we still haven't seen her. That'd be a hell of a lead time for comics, where production cycles are typically a matter of months, not years. Time continued to pass, and we still hadn't seen her. We just had Ian Flynn teasing us with a #KnowingSmile, assuring us that she existed for some reason, just one that he couldn't talk about yet.

Fast forward to late 2024, and she suddenly makes an appearance in the last place anyone would have expected: the third live action movie, via an electronic billboard in Shibuya.

At this point it almost felt like the lore team was trolling us. Is this just a scrapped character design that's become fodder for inside joke cameos or something? Surely all of this teasing couldn't have been for a throwaway character design on a billboard in the background of a movie.

But actually, this billboard gives us an important piece of information: her name! She's labeled here as "Professor Tori." This is important because it connects her to a previous release. In Shadow Generations, Gerald's journal is prefaced with a note from the person who recovered it, addressed to the GUN Commander. In the English version, it's simply signed "T," but in the Japanese version... it's signed "Tori"!

This gives us some actual info about Professor Tori. For one, she seems to work for GUN in their Archival and Requisitions Department. She's apparently also interested in learning about Gerald and Maria's lives, like their old friend Abe is.

Jump forward again to the New Year's episode of TailsTube, and this appears in the background.

Her full name is officially given as Professor Victoria, and she's a historian. So, that seems to confirm everything we've pieced together so far.

As far as things we can reasonably assume to be correct go, this is everything we know for certain about Victoria. She's a historian working for GUN. Cool! But that's not what really fascinates me about her. For that, we have to do a little more speculation based on conjecture.

See, Shadow Generations also establishes information about the Robotnik family tree. Gerald had two sons. One of them took after Gerald's love of technology and became an expert in the field of robotics, and would go on to be Eggman's father. The other son took after Gerald's love of archaeology. This man would go on to be Maria's father. But, as Maria mentions in Shadow Generations... she also happens to have a little sister we've never met before.

So now, the question is: is this Maria's sister, Victoria Robotnik?!

We can't be 100% certain right now, but honestly, until proven otherwise I'm assuming that Victoria is Maria's little sister, now all grown up and working for GUN. It all lines up too neatly. The conspicuous reveal that Maria has an unseen and unnamed little sister, in the same game that establishes her dad was a history guy and also that there's this new historian working for GUN who just so happens to be really interested in her life. And also their names both end in "-ria." Come on!! Putting her in the Robotnik family would also explain all these cryptic clues about her identity. If she was just some random GUN agent, why be so coy and make fans piece it together?

I guess the most odd part here would be, y'know, Victoria working for the organization that killed her sister and grandpa. But Sega's been pushing the idea that GUN is trying to do better for 20 years now, ever since they established that the GUN Commander was Maria's childhood friend on the ARK and had him make amends with Shadow. Hearing that Maria's sister had joined GUN to try and gain access to information about her family history and undo the elaborate coverup of the previous administration would make sense to me, personally. And lest we forget, this would also make Victoria Eggman's cousin, giving him a family member in GUN. And that's a pretty cool storytelling tool to have on hand!

So, that's where we're at now. We have no idea where Victoria will pop up next, whether it's a game or a comic or another TailsTube episode or something else entirely. But it seems like she's fairly important, even if this speculation about her being a Robotnik somehow ends up being wrong. (But I'm pretty damn sold on this theory, personally.) Either way, it's exciting to see the human cast get fleshed out in fun ways again. If we're gonna have humans in Sonic stories, I'd rather they have anime-style designs and interesting connections to the narrative, rather than just being generic humans for the sake of having humans. I'm looking forward to seeing whatever the lore team's been cooking up here.

[threeacttragedy]

Entry 7: The One Where the Queen Asked, “Did That Go the Way You Thought It Was Gonna Go?”

I’m probably one of the few people in this fandom who find Antonia entertaining.

Goddammit – put down your fucking pitchforks!

I didn’t say I liked her – I simply said I found her entertaining.

If Antonia’s existence bothers the fuck out of you, you’ll likely enjoy my commentary here.

*And, right about here is when I’ll slip in my disclaimer: this is my opinion only; merely speculation based on information that is out there in the public realm.

Now, where was I?

Oh, yes, Antonia. I don’t find her entertaining because I think she’s a great dancer. Is she? You tell me. I mean, I have two left feet so just about anyone is better than me.

And, I have never seen a picture or video where she’s made me “like” her as a person. In fact, she comes off more like a villain, but not a brilliant villain (I might like her, then). She’s more like an Iago to, say, Deux Mois’ Jafar.

I just find her so fucking reckless, but in the most amusing way possible. If she were a movie, I’d give her 4/5 stars. The movie would be a low-budget comedy, of course.

In my opinion, she loves to troll the fandom and I’m convinced she must have notifications turned on for Nicola. The patterns started patterning early on during the World Tour (and probably before). The problem is, she’s just not great at trolling. Her attempts always fall flat, and she ends up making herself look like, well, a tryhard (hence why her movie only gets 4/5 stars).

I’m not sure what Antonia ever was to Luke but, at a minimum, I will (begrudgingly) say they dated. I know some people don’t want to hear that, but she was a player in this game for a reason. Rumor also suggests she, at the very least, squatted in Luke’s flat (and I don’t mean in THAT way).

That said, I believe she was officially taken out of the game at the end of July. However, that doesn’t mean she wasn’t still making noise from the sidelines.

One of the most humorous (in my opinion) “rah rahs” Antonia pulled was on September 28 when she posted some stories of herself at a theatre. I’m not sure if she could have been any more obvious when trying to show us her phone screen. The screen was lit up, her thumb pressed against it, and angled almost directly at the person taking the picture.  We get it, honey. You want us to see what’s on your screen. Not surprisingly, it appeared to be a blurry ass picture of Luke.

Big whoop, right? Well, actually it was because the Conscientiously Stupid took this as confirmation Luke and Antonia were together (again) and the Sincerely Ignorant swallowed their cyanide pills without water (again). And, the Fact Finders, while trying to resuscitate their dearly beloved Sincerely Ignorant friends foaming at their mouths, immediately called “bullshit” (again). The picture appeared to be old and, to be honest, it was too blurry to tell who was on the screen – although I will concede it could have been Luke. In fact, I tend to believe it was an old picture of Luke based on what happened next.

The problem with Antonia’s play style is that she doesn’t seem to catch on to the rules. She moves her pawn two spaces because she can, not because it advances her game. She has this nasty habit of ignoring, say, the opposing party’s pawn, which is in position to en passant her overly confident pawn.

Nicola had been living high on life throughout the month of September, which, in my opinion, is quite possibly the reason why Antonia seemed a bit unhinged by the end of the month (jealousy can make us do crazy shit). Among other things, Nicola had the Emmy’s (and the Wordle), the Gucci show, and, on October 1, she was presenting Simone with a Glamour Award. By this point, I believe Nicola had had enough of Antonia’s gameplay. The phone screen had struck a chord.

So, what does Nicola do?

She plays the game right back but not like she normally does with Scrabble boards, Dewy Skin Creams, and BTS wedding footage dropped at the perfect moment. This time, she does it with a power move that left her hands virtually spotless.

On October 3, Halley Brisker, Nicola’s frequent hairstylist, posted a set of four pictures to his Instagram grid, three of which showed Nicola casually posing for the camera and one showing Nicola in the process of having her hair done. It was the latter picture (#3/4 in the slide deck) that perked every Lukolas’ ears.

Low and behold sat a man, his face conveniently covered by a hairdresser’s arm, but his hands in full view. Hands that, at this point, we (embarrassingly) know too well. To date, no one has debunked the theory – more like, assertion – that the man in the picture is Luke.

Nicola liked this post by Halley, and even commented, “You legend [red heart emoji].” You’re welcome to read between the lines on that one.

I’ve always believed this Halley Brisker photo dump was Nicola’s very clever, albeit indirect, way of telling Antonia, “Checkmate, bitch.”

The point of this entry is not to convince you that Antonia is a red herring (she is), or that Luke is in the Halley Brisker photo dump (he is), or that Nicola plays the game better than most (she does). No, the point of this entry is to tell you Antonia’s game is over (because it is). Antonia lost.

So why does she remain on the roster?

Because, collectively, we as fans keep her there, sitting along the sidelines in her collapsable camp chair making noise with her cowbell. We pay attention to what she posts. We talk about what she posts. We argue over what she posts. We panic about what she posts. WE keep her in the game.

How about we don’t?

Why not start off this week with a positive change? And, not just for the USS Lukola, but for yourself as well.

If you’re following Antonia on social media (for sinister reasons) – stop. Meander over to Instagram, X, Tiktok, whatever, and unfollow her. Don’t look back. Stop checking her page. If you see or hear she has a new post, ignore it. Move on. The first day will be hard. But, the second day will be easier. You know where I’m going with this…

I mean, Luke can’t quietly unfollow her if we’re constantly looking in that direction, right?

P.S. If you need more convincing that Antonia’s shelf life has expired, I have a CliffsNotes response for that: https://www.tumblr.com/threeacttragedy/767137910999957504/great-blog-but-if-all-was-not-good-with-l-and-a?source=share.

P.P.S. Moving forward, I don’t give two boiled rabbits about what Antonia does. I will most certainly refer back to her in a historical sense (she does fill in bits and pieces of the Lukola timeline), but if she posts a crockpot tomorrow, don’t expect me to comment on what could be in it.

P.P.P.S. If you have any understanding of what the little chessboard I’ve dropped in to my picture means, I salute you.

[tempesttz]

you are the tumblr user hussie was satirizing when he made kankri vantas.

im gonna fly off the handle

[lawbreaker13]

Alright, I'm about to have a Trolls moment. Please ignore me if you will.

So I'm starting to have a meltdown over Branch's brothers' understanding of who he is as a person.

Like, they were fully absent during his entire childhood and young adulthood, of course. And we all keep making jokes about how they didn't tease him enough about his relationship because, duh, that's what brothers do. But what I have yet to see discussed is his confidence as an individual, how he interacts with the audience as a band member, and how his brothers are simply not interacting with a person they've ever met before.

Like, there's the whole "boy band members are so suave so as to properly appeal to their audience" thing, and Branch, post-World Tour, has gained a lot of confidence. Yes, most of his audience interaction is aimed at the band's biggest fan, his own girlfriend, but he does so very smoothly. The level of confidence that Branch has gained since the first movie is immense and it's actually so heartwarming to watch the two movies back-to-back to see, but beyond that, his interactions with Poppy, as her boyfriend and also as a band member, are very confident, flirtatious, and charming. He's playing up the persona when he's on stage of course, but they also flirt a lot on their own as seen in this movie. And while yes, his brothers being his brothers would probably off-screen tease him about flirting with his girlfriend, they also have no idea how he is as a band member. Because the last time they were in a band together, Branch was IN DIAPERS. Spruce was the Heartthrob, the flirt, the tease, and Branch was a BABY. But now Bruce is married, he's checked out of that life. And even if it's all directed at Poppy because Branch is a very loyal boy (clearly), he still has never exhibited those specific behaviors in front of his brothers. It's funny and easy to make fun of when it's with his girlfriend, but when he does it as a band member? Then it's a persona. And he's absolutely killing the game.

The boys have never met this suave, confident adult. They've never seen Band Member Branch with his own personality, with character traits, with the ability to make decisions for himself in any form. So his new band persona is, apparently, to some extent, the flirt. And his brothers must be reeling from that, because WHO is this guy??

I don't have a point. My point is just the idea that once upon a time, when Branch was in the band originally, he was just Some Kid™. And now he's not just some kid, he is A Boy Band Member™. And kind of the new leader, to boot. Beyond that, to Poppy, he was just Some Depressed Guy™ for so long. And once again, look at him now. The character development combined with character perception is just so absolutely fascinating to me and the lack of time to elaborate on it is very much the reason why fanfiction exists.

I don't know, man. Big Trolls fan over here. I love Branch so much.

[thewertsearch]

This is a particularly great visual. It really sells the importance of what we’re trying to do here.

TT: Then the Scratch will be implemented later, by either John or Dave I presume? TT: You used a male pronoun. Yes.

‘Yes, John or Dave will initiate the Scratch’, or ‘Yes, I used a male pronoun?’ Because if we hadn't already seen John here, I would have assumed Jade was our Scratcher. The needles come from her Denizen, after all.

I think John is a better narrative choice, in any case. He's our 'leader', after all - it makes symbolic sense that he'd be the one to scrub the session.

TT: I guess it makes sense that it would happen later. My understanding is that Jack will not be banished from this session until near the end of the reckoning. Yes, Jack will exit your session later, but this has nothing to do with the Scratch. […] TT: I thought that was the point of the Scratch, to open a rift in spacetime as it were, and banish him into the trolls' session. […] That is not the purpose of the Scratch at all. The Scratch does not open a rift in spacetime.

Hang on a second. Doesn’t that contradict an earlier statement from Aradia?

She described the spacetime rift Jack emerged from as a ‘catalogued’ game phenomenon – and that the game’s inhabitants directly refer to it as a Scratch. It certainly sounds like Sburb considers it to be a rift in spacetime.

Maybe Doc is using a semantic trick here. If the Scratch is a rift, it doesn't really make sense to say it 'opens' a rift. That's like saying a door works by 'opening' a hole in the wall.

TT: I think it's disingenuous for you to behave as if I have not been misled.

And I’m worried that this is the first time you’ve noticed this.

TT: You say you don't lie, but what about lies of omission? Lies of omission do not exist. The concept is a very human one. It is the product of your story writing again. You have written a story about the truth, making emotional demands of it, and in particular, of those in possession of it. Your demands are based on a feeling of entitlement to the facts, which is very childish. You can never know all of the facts. Only I can. And since it's impossible for me to reveal all facts to you, it is my discretion alone that decides which facts will be revealed in the finite time we have.

Lies of omission aren’t direct falsehoods, no – but they do exist, and they’re referred to as lies for a reason. If you present factual information in a matter that intentionally misleads people, you’re deliberately deceiving them. Sure, it’s not a lie, but it does the work of one.

On the other hand, this paragraph feels less like a point Scratch is making to Rose, and more like something Hussie's saying to us. This is apparently a problem of 'story writing', and feels like an extension of the Scratch-as-author stuff that I brought up yesterday.

As readers, we want to know everything that it’s possible to know about our favourite setting – but that’s always going to be impossible. All stories are bounded, even ones as long as Homestuck, as Hussie has only a finite amount of time to narrate the thing. Scratch simply can’t give Rose all the facts, the same way Hussie can’t exhaustively list all of Homestuck’s lore.

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

I’m always curious about Kankri being redeemed in any way (maybe because he can become the sufferer). Obviously to do so would be simply punting him to reality and force him to live it, no help from his shoddily-made support structure. But I’m curious how you would go about doing it

Given their role thematically in the story, I'm actually usually not on the train of "fully redeem the dancestors", but I do like giving them some catharsis and reckoning, a place in the fight against LE. One last chance to do something good with their lives/afterlives before the end, and a(n implied) new start as wigglers born into the new universe.

So to that end, in my head, the "turnaround point" for Kankri - the inciting incident that makes him have a mental breakdown that results in him finally taking some accountability for his shitty actions - is having a conversation with Eridan.

In my head, the Dancestor reckoning happens gradually, alongside a series of retcons where the dead trolls are brought back one or two at a time, and deal with their emotional issues a little more with every cast member added back into the party.

The TL;DR series of events is: Terezi asks to bring back Vriska, Vriska asks John to punch out Tavros before she can kill him, Tavros's influence makes Gamzee ask for Equius and Nepeta to be brought back, Equius asks for a redux of Aradiabot, Aradiabot grabs John by the arm and gets him to undo her death and Sollux's fall into depression, Sollux asks for Feferi to be brought back, and then Karkat asks for Eridan.

We know from (Vriska) that the Game Over/Alpha Timeline characters still exist post-Retcon, so those characters would also be continuing their character arcs, just in the afterlife prepping for the LE fight. For example, I think Meenah's reckoning should be delivered by (Karkat) - after having had so long to reflect on his own failures as a leader, he would be perfectly poised to scream at her for hers, which would also serve to make this confrontation a final thesis for Karkat as a whole - what leadership means (caring about your team) - and a conclusion to the Meenah/Karkat dynamic.

So when I say that Kankri needs to talk to Eridan, I mean Eridan and not (Eridan). Full character development, all his teammates are alive, taken full accountability and responsibility for his actions, team good guy Eridan. And as I noted in this essay, Eridan with full character development is actually more annoying than regular Eridan, because he's also the "Devastating: Worst Guy You Know Made An Excellent Point" guy. In bulleted form:

He's still an advocate for murder. Murder is literally what kept his friends alive long enough to play the game, and playing the game itself involves genocide, so he would be the Token Evil Teammate who reminds the team that, hey, murder is an option - and enemies will be considering it. Even at his very best, he's going to struggle with empathy and have an extremely blase view of violence and murder - those were literally just facts of his life through his most formative years.

This also makes him a TOTAL downer, as he's the tempering voice that reminds them that decisions have consequences, and utopia requires sacrifices, and nothing is ever worth fighting for that won't eventually need to be fought for. Like I said, worst guy you know, excellent points. In fact, he's out here volunteering to do the murdering when the situation calls, if nobody else wants to get their fins dirty. He's really good at it.

He's still an idiot who doesn't listen to people. He's perfectly fine at taking orders, but having a conversation with him is still really difficult. I feel like if you make Eridan too smart, mentally flexible, and socially aware, you lose a lot of his Eridan-ness, and I think these characters, fully realized, are more of themselves, not less. I also don't know how you could reasonably expect to fix these traits. He's just Like That.

He drops his fake pro-Empire stuff, because that was basically all just empty posturing in the first place, but...

Now he's a pretentious-ass hipster who judges you for liking Trollor Swift and Troll Marvel. Given that Jake's indiscriminate taste is actually linked to his deficit of Hope (he has little conviction, he's wishy-washy), Eridan coming into full Prince of Hope regalia involves getting even more annoying about his taste in media (shittons of conviction, refusal to budge).

He is also a wizard. He will not shut up about this.

And finally, I think he'd still be out here using slurs. First of all, because it'd be really funny, because he's literally not casteist, but second, because there's two types of "it's equality" - the kind where nobody ever says anything offensive, and the kind where "offensive" stops being a relevant concept because true equality has been achieved. Think of the discourse surrounding the reclamation of slurs IRL, or how the "it's equality" meme gets used - this idea that words can be stripped of power by changing the context of who's saying them, or that objectification/discrimination stop being problems if they're applied evenly across the board, instead of limited to specific groups. I think that this is the exact type of nuanced idea that Homestuck would tackle and its fandom would get incensed about, which is why I think it should stay.

Eridan's role, thus, becomes a sort of "unpleasant truths" kind of character. Violence, both physical and verbal, is unpleasant as hell, and the natural instinct is to avoid it. The problem is, in any true discussion of what society should look like, they're topics that can't be avoided, and are even sometimes necessary not just to recognize, but to utilize (no revolution is bloodless, etc.). Eridan - an extreme personality - is going to represent the uncomfortable extreme of the debate. And by that I mean he's going to be saying slurs and talking about murders and is still going to be unquestionably a force for good.

The reason I'm going so in-depth into this is because Kankri very much represents the opposite: using "polite" language and couching it in the language of courtesy, activism, and liberal ideology, Kankri hides - and worse, spreads - his classist, ableist, misogynistic, puritan beliefs. He enforces the class divide and actively works against his teammates' best interests.

He whines that the lower blood castes should stop complaining about oppression, because others have it worse. He tells the team feminist that misogyny isn't real, then slut shames her. He tells the guy with brain damage that he's making other neurodivergent/TBI people look bad, exacerbates Latula's shame around her inability to smell, and actively guilt trips Cronus into ignoring his epiphany and self-reflection. Kankri is only an activist in that he actively makes everybody worse.

But why does he act like this? Well, it's due to the fact that he was probably culled, and on-sight at that, like Karkat would've been if anyone found out about his mutant blood. Kankri doesn't seem to have a symbol or lusus, either, two thinks Karkat only had because the Signless's followers prepped them for him, so the chances are very high that Kankri was culled since he was hatched. Given the way he discusses culling with Latula, and viciously despises being mothered by Porrim, it's clear he has some really complicated feelings regarding having his agency dismissed. Thus, his work to hamper his team - at least some of which is wilful on his part, as he'll outright cast aspersions on Horuss or Cronus's beliefs for being "imaginary" even as he encourages them to commit to them - is motivated by something quite simple: power, attention, entitlement, and control.

When he goes on his grand lectures, he frequently slips and reveals that he sees himself as a great, unquestionable spiritual leader, often trying to place other characters in subordinate positions to himself - Karkat is his "pupil," and his monologues, I mean, sermons, I mean, diatribes, are spoken as if from a position of authority. He outright tells Meenah that this is what he believes himself to be.

It's a very Seer sort of problem - both that of hubris and that of willful blindness. If you chart out the actual "end goal" of his beliefs, it appears to be a world in which Kankri himself is both the biggest victim and most important voice in the room. He regularly disparages those with actual disadvantages (Damara, Porrim, Mituna) while playing up the false problems of those who don't actually have them (Horuss, Cronus). Those with disadvantages should have their voices amplified - except lowbloods should stop whining and misogyny isn't real. And those with real power should check their privilege - but won't somebody think of the poor highbloods who have ~emotional problems~? Kankri will, and all the highbloods need to do is bend the knee and treat Kankri as their specialest boy.

In short, he's using his intellect, rhetoric, and forceful personality for selfish, emotionally-driven pursuits. The actual substance of his arguments is ephemeral and contradictory because that's the trick - the point is NOT to further equality, but to verbally browbeat his conversation partner into submission. In other words, you can't beat Kankri in a regular debate, because the moment you start trying to actually engage in a debate with him, he wins. The moment you start lunging at his arguments, he's got you in his red-texted labyrinth. The moment you start treating his points like they merit genuine discussion, you're in the pews of Kankri's church, and he's up at the pulpit.

And Eridan is the destroyer of faith. He's also an idiot who doesn't listen to people.

I don't really know exactly how it would play out, but I know in my heart. In the pit of my soul. That Eridan would call Kankri several slurs, (correctly) point out that Kankri's celibacy is stupid because it's clear he has feelings for Cronus and Latula, (correctly) point out that his pro-equality stuff is stupid because he calls violets "Royal-V"s, (incorrectly) accuse Kankri of hitting on him, (correctly) point out that the entire point of a slur is that it hurts and insults the person it's used on, (correctly) call Kankri several more slurs, (correctly) point out that Kankri just wants attention, especially from highbloods, (???) go on an unhinged rant (maybe more) about being a wizard, being a murderer, and being a murderer wizard, (???) insult Kankri's taste in music, and finish it up by (correctly) revealing that Eridan and Karkat are moirails who make out sometimes.

I think Kankri would start crying.

[diana-bluewolf]

Why NPC’s lines outside quests don’t tell us anything about them

*with rare exceptions

Here we have Duncan saying he'd like to get rid of Muggle-borns like Garlick. And, surprise, then we have Hector Fawley (future Minister for Magic, btw) saying exactly the same line in the same voice.

The subtitles are hard to read, so I duplicated them with text under pictures.

Duncan and Hector: "If only Black had the power to choose the other professors too. Then we could get rid of Muggle-born like Garlick."

Or here Duncan rants about disgusting Mudbloods ruining the school. But look at this adorable Hufflepuff repeating the same word for word.

Duncan and a random Hufflepuff student: "It’s about time Hogwarts put someone like Black in charge. Perhaps now we can stop all these disgusting Mudbloods from ruining the school."

Suddenly, Duncan forgets his own words and says he will miss Professor Garlick or recommends that Garreth ask her for advice.

Duncan: "I can’t wait until I’m a sixth-year - then I won’t have to waste my time with Herbology anymore. I’ll miss Professor Garlick, mind." Duncan: "I wouldn’t bother yourself about that. If I were you, I’d be more inclined to acquire myself some Bubotuber pus. I’m sure Garlick could point you in the right direction."

Garreth seems to have difficulties with making up his mind, too.

Garreth: "Have you been in any other common rooms? I'd love to know what it's like to be in another house - just for a day." Also Garreth: "Even if I knew how to get into the other common rooms, I wouldn't bother. There's a reason I was sorted into my house."

This does sound like Garreth. Until you hear the same from half of Hogwarts lots.

Garreth and a random Gryffindor student: "Sometimes I wish someone would Transfigure me into a squirrel. Then I wouldn't have to worry about doing schoolwork anymore."

The same goes for Leander. Btw, hello Mousey @sparxyv!

Leander: "You think Garreth Weasley would be better at Transfiguration considering his aunt teaches the thing."

I see sometimes people think Leander is a bully because he says some mean lines like the one when he's bragging about a knee-reversal hex he tried on a small Hufflepuff. But it's NOT his lines. It's just the lines that belong to everyone, which means they belong to no one.

I even made a video based on Ominis's lines like this.

Ominis: "Well, my father naturally assumed I'd be a strong Seeker, just like him. I say, thank Merlin Quidditch was cancelled." Ominis: "I met some of my best friends in Flying. Nothing creates a bond like thinking you're all about to die." Ominis: "My friends and I like to spend our evenings watching the sunset from the Quidditch pitch."

Btw maybe Quidditch Champions devs took it too seriously 😂 I agree with the point that Ominis technically can play Quidditch: there are, without a doubt, disabled athletes in the world, and if there’s a wand, that helps him to see why not imagine a broom like this? Still, given his personality, I believe that Ominis appeared in that game just to gather more money from fans, and he's just as a quidditch player, as Seb's patronus is a cat. Because, seriously, Ominis? Saying that, "Nothing creates a bond like thinking you're all about to die." Haha!

From what I can see, random student dialogues exist only to fill the silence with background noise and create the illusion of life, but they can't tell us anything about the characters.

*HOWEVER, this does not apply to situations where NPCs say something to MC, rather than during dialogues with random students.

For example, Ominis’s lines like, “Heard you're defending Hogsmeade against trolls. You know there is such a thing as trying too hard." or “Heard you and Sebastian traversed a mountain in Loyalist territory. You know, that sort of thing could have gotten you both killed.” really belong to our gossip king Ominis.

Or when MC walks past Amit near Hogshead before talking to Lodgok for the first time, Amit shouts greetings to MC.  Those are the lines that really were intended for those NPCs.

[follow-up-news]

The video was seen millions of times across social media but some viewers were suspicious: It featured a young Black woman who claimed Vice President Kamala Harris left her paralyzed in a hit-and-run accident in San Francisco 13 years ago. In an emotional retelling from a wheelchair, the alleged victim said she “cannot remain silent anymore” and lamented that her childhood had “ended too soon.” Immediately after the video was posted on Sept. 2, social media users pointed out reasons to be wary. The purported news channel it came from, San Francisco’s KBSF-TV, didn’t exist. A website for the channel set up just a week earlier contained plagiarized articles from real news outlets. The woman’s X-ray images shown in the video were taken from online medical journals. And the video and the text story on the website spelled the alleged victim’s name differently. The caution was warranted, according to a new Microsoft threat intelligence report, which confirms the fabricated tale was disinformation from a Russia-linked troll farm. The tech giant’s report released Tuesday details how Kremlin-aligned actors that at first struggled to adapt to President Joe Biden dropping out of the race have now gone full throttle in their covert influence efforts against Harris and Democrats.

[fatcatlittlebox]

An anon asked earlier about my thoughts on Celedriel and my answer turned into another long ass meta. Shocker. So I decided to post it as a general response to the ship and Galadriel's marriage in TROP. I haven't said much about it because my takes are controversial and I think only 3 people in Borneo would agree with me. But the brain rot is what it is.

As for the Celedriel/haladriel in-fighting. I don’t get it. There’s room for everyone. It shouldn’t threaten anyone. I’m not against the ship either. I just have to see TROP’s take on it. I will say this, and it's an unpopular opinion: what I hate is the idea of boxing Galadriel in a ship because she is canonically married. I see that argument all the time on X. Like that’s it. That’s the tweet. “She’s married.” “Married” isn’t a personality trait. To me, it doesn’t say anything of the individuals involved. It doesn’t even denote love. It gives me nothing, sorry. I want to see their relationship before I ship it. Like I said, I am very open. And I do know what marriage means to elves but that’s clearly not what many of these online folk are asserting. We live in a post-modern, non-Middle Earth world. I'm not a big fan of chivalric love stories but that's my taste.

I love TROP Galadriel because she exists outside of her marriage. She became a warrior and commander. She’s dirty and bloody. She’s a brash, surly, tempestuous, unapologetic woman with priorities that are decidedly un-wifey and not traditionally feminine. Her husband disappeared in the war and she moved on with her life.

What I find interesting is that while Galadriel accepted her husband as gone... Sauron? She refused to. She pursued her rival for centuries with little more than a hunch and a handful of ashes. She pointed to her heart and said he wasn’t gone. Where was that certainty, that intuition about her missing husband?

And when Halbrand confronted her in Numenor, asking whom she had lost, for whom was she fighting? Her answer was not her husband. So why is Galadriel not as bound to Celeborn as she is to Sauron? In elven tradition, the fear of elves are intertwined through courtship, marriage and then sex. If their fear are tied, as they should according to Tolkien, she should know if Celeborn had passed and wouldn’t she be looking for him? But in TROP, does she know? And if she has no flarking idea if his fea had passed to the afterlife, i.e Halls of Mandos. Why?

Here’s my next unpopular take. The showrunners have already stated that Celebrian hasn't been born in this timeline. What if it’s because Galadriel and Celeborn have not consummated their marriage yet? And that’s why Gal’s fea hasn’t pinged on her husband. (Compare that with the text in the Unfinished Tales) So if she hasn’t had sex with Celeborn, their marriage contract is incomplete. The only 2 people who would know that are Gal and Celeborn. The other thing too is, elves do wear marriage rings. But here Galadriel is never seen wearing one for Celeborn? Why? Now let’s get to the meat. Why is her mind so attuned to Sauron? Why was that door open? Their bond had always been unique and singular. And now we know from the director that Galadriel loved Halbrand. I posit that there’s a possibility that they already had sex. I also suggest that Elrond believes they had too. His speech to her in Cirdan's workshop was very sensual in imagery: “Sauron looked inside you, plucked the very song of your soul, note by note. Making himself out to be exactly what you needed - the lost king who could ride you to victory.” Dude, he was trolling her. I believe that’s part of the reason why he’s so feral about Galadriel dabbling in anything to do with Sauron. Because she fell in love, (maybe?) had sex with him (possible?) and she is wearing a ring he believes to be under Sauron’s power. At this point, she is more the bride of Sauron than she was to her actual husband. Yeah.

I’m not saying she didn’t and doesn’t love Celeborn. I’m not saying she doesn’t value her marriage. It’s just clearly, it isn’t high on her list of priorities and if it doesn’t crack it, then obviously she doesn’t define herself by it and…*drumroll* she wouldn’t confine herself to it either.

So where would Celeborn fit in the grand scheme? How they would portray their marriage? In many ways, she’s the same elf Celeborn married: good, graceful, beautiful, charismatic, strong-willed, and clever. She could be all those things again. Sometimes that’s what marriage is. Being that person whom your partner married. But to find someone whom you could be yourself? Truly? That is a soulmate. So far, in the show, we’ve seen Galadriel with someone with whom she can be all parts of herself at once. Someone who sees her light and tells her to embrace her darkness. Who invites her to blaze at her brightest because he can withstand the flame. There is danger in that, of course. The flame could be a conflagration, destroying everything it touches in its wake. A temptation and adrenaline rush that only another one who bears a ring of power would understand.

If I were a TROP writer and I had to bring Celeborn back and make him a compelling counterpoint to Sauron, I would give him a whole arc and backstory of his own. I would show him on his own odyssey home to Galadriel. I’d show him in dire straits and similar obstacles where he triumphs because of his decency and devotion to the love he left behind. (Cold Mountain comes to mind). It’s a classic tale and it works every. damn. time.

[nekropsii]

Ok, don't get me wrong, i think your opinions/analysis have arguments, so you have reasons.

But i can't stop thinking, when you talk about fandom not interpreting things correctly, mostly dancestors, it feels like:

Fanon: i love the dancestors! They are all so nice!

You: aCTUALLY, they are all ASSHOLES, except mituna, latula, and porrim. The rest is crap and here is a long and detailed list with why:

And a the end of the list :but this is what makes them great as characters, because they have a narrative function to it!

Yep. And I stand by that. Firmly. What’s the problem here?

The Alpha Trolls - not the Dancestors, that’s literally every character in Homestuck - are largely not good people. Calling them nice is blatantly false and outright disregards almost every single scrap of text we are given. Mituna’s a good dude in a bad situation full of people he doesn’t really like, as is Damara. Latula’s literally never done anything wrong. Porrim’s just a regular person. Aranea’s pretty nice, and her actions during Game Over were a result of eternities of torment and desperation to be seen + heard, and is therefore not fully representative of her. Meenah’s cute, but a major fuckup that has committed some absolutely egregious crimes. That’s it, really.

The Alpha Trolls are Good Characters and (mostly) Bad People.

Are you maybe experiencing some kind of difficulty in understanding that there’s a difference between a character and a person? Because a fuck ton of people in fandom definitely do have that problem, for some reason.

A character is a plot device. It is a tool. Nothing more, nothing less. A person is a person. The difference between a bad person and a bad character is that a bad character isn’t fulfilling the role and function they are supposed to perform, and a bad person is just a shitty guy I do not want to be around. Conflating the two leads to bad analysis, and is also a primary contributor to apologetics, and all those god awful fanonizations that sand down every edge the character has until they’re pleasant people and totally unrecognizable. People think they have to like a character as a human being in order to like them as a character. Which is completely untrue, and is totally naïve to the fact that villains are popular for a reason.

A character can be a bad person and a good character - they fill their role and serve their purpose very well, but would absolutely suck to be around. Meenah, Vriska, Cronus, and Caliborn all fit under that label. This isn’t always a villain role, but it does tend to get taken up by villains. And anti-heroes, of course. Vriska is there, after all

A character can be a good person but a bad character - they’d be pleasant to talk to in real life, but they suck at fulfilling their narrative purpose. Just about every fanon version of a character is this. It’s more of a fanfiction thing than an actual real literature thing.

I am the biggest fan + defender of the Alpha Trolls you can find. The Alpha Trolls largely are not good people, but they serve their function very well. This is not a controversial statement because it is entirely true. Fanon is dogshit and totally wrong, 100% of the time. This is a hill I’m willing to die on because I’m literally just correct. There is not a scrap of text on this planet that you could procure to say Cronus Ampora is a good person - anything you could scrounge up is just baseless fanfiction and total garbage.

I do not see the confusion, nor do I understand the point you’re trying to make. These are facts that can and do coexist, quite regularly. Even within Homestuck. Again, Vriska exists. What now?

[dingodad]

personally the vriska calling him a pedophile bit wasnt out of place for me. Canonically vriska doesnt shy away from saying that scratch is a sexual predator, she does state outright to his face that he gets off on manipulating little girls in the comic.

i think "would it be in character for vriska to say that" and "does it make sense in the context of the story for her to say that" are two subtly but crucially different questions, though.

like, on the one hand: it has always been textually clear that doc scratch is not LITERALLY a pedophile. he's a completely asexual organism. by using that word to describe him, you're making the subtextual textual. and this kind of "saying the quiet part out loud" is something the HICU have done very deliberately since they took the helm of hs2; they are intimately aware, i think, of the fact that they are fans in charge of deconstructing homestuck for the entertainment of other fans, and that in service of that aim sometimes you need to be willing to have mature discussions out in the open. a lot of the time this has worked for them quite well, especially in terms of getting old readers back on board with a story which has in the past been overly subtle to the point of excruciating boredom. but sometimes it teeters close to the edge of "characters talking like they're fully aware they're getting therapy", and i think this example leans somewhat toward the latter. like, is there really anyone reading hs2 at this point who doesn't already have some understanding that scratch is a predator? who exactly did it serve to make that already blatant comparison that much more overt?

on the other hand... i get the impression that vriska is actually aware of this distinction, on some level? like emphasising the fact that scratch is a child predator is almost a sort of shield for her. the name of vriska's game in this chapter is minimisation; while it's super cool and heroic to admit that part of your tragic backstory involves a sick spider monster and a badass lady pirate, by trying to paint scratch as nothing more than a pathetic kiddy fiddler what she's really saying is that because he never actually molested her then she was never really abused, that she was never really a victim and therefore he was never actually a significant presence in her life at all. that's how she lives with it, by role playing as the predator to forget the fact that she was ever prey.

i think what i question about this is possibly that vriska would even know to use that word at all? writing dialogue that actually feels authentically like stuff trolls would say is another thing i think hs2 has had a rough time with ("that is a completely normal human sentence"?). the gay joke in the tavros chapter was funny because it had been a long time since we heard caliborn and jake do the same gag but it feels like they tried to capture that same energy with vriska calling tavros a "pussy" in this chapter and it fell flat. and it felt just as unnatural for a troll to say the word "pussy" as it did for her to say the word "pedophile". i think what makes alternia and its traumatic knock-on effects so effective is that it's often more insidious than it is explicit; trolls barely have the language to describe all the institutionalised neglect and abuse that is happening around them all the time because to them it's just how the world works! yeah sollux has that line about sex offenders and schools, but i think that basically serves to illustrate my point, because for the most part we all seem to understand that trolls don't have what we would be able to identify as "school" either: sexual abuse and education are concepts that, in the world of homestuck, exist entirely in the abstract; tropes to be evoked but not things that ever actually happen.

that being said, alternia is designed to reflect the structure of homestuck as a whole, and the reason alternia doesn't have sex offenders or schools is because homestuck in general does not explicitly concern itself with these topics. we understand that escaping homestuck and settling down on Earth C means settling down in the "real world", replacing the threat of time-travelling demons with real struggles and real problems, and as a continuation of the homestuck epilogues hs2 naturally IS going to continue to touch on sex and politics and all the other stuff that was delegated mostly to the subtextual in the original comic. i think the structure of this chapter even kind of alludes to this; tavros and erisol beckon vriska to relax for a moment and play childish games with them like she used to do when she was a kid on alternia, but by choosing to forge on ahead with her personal growth vriska is immediately confronted with the fact that becoming an adult is NOT like a webcomic, it's NOT all allegories and RPG battles; it can be sick and it can be hurtful and it can stop you right in your tracks just as you thought you were "making progress" toward "winning".

i just feel that by having vriska apply Earth C vocabulary to an Alternian experience right off the bat, we've skipped over a key part of her transition from homestuck to the real world. would this chapter have been any easier to stomach if it had been about vriska coming to grips with the fact that scratch was a predator in the first place? no, of course not LOL. i think my gripe here might literally just be with the word choice. like i believe the writers have it in them to express what they were trying to express here in a much more interesting way than simply having vriska say "lol he's a pedophile". yes, addressing something literally that has only ever been mentioned before in symbols and whispers is part of the impact of this update, but i don't think that has to come at the expense of the dialogue actually feeling like it belongs in the mouths of these characters

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

One of the problems I had with the online radicalization of Jalil in reunion is how it actually occurs. Jalil is supposedly radicalized by a message board, but it’s provided by alliance and the AI mascot he uses is Lila. So it’s left muddled on what exactly is happening here.

Is there really an internet based opposition to LB and CN? You wouldn’t think it since Paris enlarge is shown to still support them. But the presence of message boards would imply at least some support for monarch even if it’s mostly trolls. Or is alliance fabricating it for Gabriel to upset people in a targeted way? Or is it just Lila with a bunch of alt accounts? It’s really hard for me to tell just how wide spread this is as a problem for Paris considering it’s dropped after this one episode.

I'm also not sure how seriously we're supposed to take the criticism shown in that episode. It feels very much like the sort of BS we get with Su-Han where he points out a legitimate concern but in the most obnoxious, inflammatory way possible so that the audience feels forced to disagree with him. It's terrible writing that isn't very fun to watch. Reminds me of all the awful live-action Disney reboots that try to engage with every critical take anyone has ever had, leading to a lesser story. They would be much better off to just ignore the criticism they don't want to properly address and have fun with the story even if there's an arguable flaw. That's what suspension of disbelief is all about!

You want Paris to support Ladybug and Chat Noir no matter what they do? Cool! That works! Just don't take an episode and introduce the idea that there is actually criticism out there because that makes us start to question things like anon is doing here.

Another great example is the "issue" that Gabriel never uses the butterfly miraculous to heal his wife when it feels like that should be within its power. The show was totally correct to never address that on screen because the butterfly probably should be able to heal her! The reason it can't is because then the show would end. If the writers tried to explain an in-universe reason, then it would be as nonsensical as their explanation of how the rooster works:

Gabriel: There! (to Orikko) You! You can grant me any power I want! (closes the Grimoire and walks toward Orikko) You will give me the power to travel through time! Orikko: No, you're mistaken! Time travel is Fluff's power and I can't grant the power that already belongs to another Kwami! Gabriel: Are you trying to deceive me?? Orikko: (nods) By all means! Read the Grimoire again! (Gabriel reopens the Grimoire.) Sass: Each Kwami represents a concept, and a concept can only exist once in the universe. Xuppu: Too complicated, Sass! Let's use an example to make things simpler. Take Tikki, she is the Kwami of Creation, and creation is creation, and if there's another creation than creation, then it's not "creation", it's "replication"! Gabriel: Then grant me the power to locate Ladybug and Cat Noir's Miraculous! Orikko: Trouble is, that's not a power; that's a wish! Xuppu: For instance, if I asked Santa for a pair of socks, that's a wish. But if I want Santa to grant me the power to knit socks, then it means Santa needs to know how to knit socks in the first place so he can teach me! Gabriel: (groans angrily) Grant me the power to unmask Ladybug and Cat Noir's secret identities! Xuppu: No can do! Orikko: (shoves Xuppu away) I cannot give a power that would disrupt another Kwami's magic. And being able to conceal the person behind the costume, well, that's part of the magic of their Kwami. Gabriel: (enraged) So you're utterly useless!

If all of this is true, then how do the goat and the peacock make things? Isn't that Creation? And how was the butterfly able to make a time travel villain? That's Fluff's power! And how was Gabriel able to offer to make Marinette into a villain who could unmask people via the butterfly? That's going against the miraculous' powers!

The answer is simply that the lore was not thought out in a way that stands up to even the most basic questions. When that's the case, the only way to handle the problem is to just ignore it. Keep your on screen explanations as shallow as your lore. Don't try to add depth that isn't there. Trying to address it just highlights how shitty your world building is.

[mam-te-moc]

Do you remember Open Gates Festival story ?

There is a second part that starts exactly where the first one ended.

On the way back home from Valley of Living Rock they discussed how to celebrate the tenth anniversary of open gates. "Before we had no contact with our subjects and they didn't know us" Elsa said. "And then was a turn" Anna realized.

Along the bridge citizens of Arendelle welcomed both queens with lit candles.

Anna invited everyone for next day festivities.

Then they sent invitations via Gale mail. (It's interesting that everyone got invitations but Northuldra. They don't exist in this story... again)

Guests started to arrive. "I have a feeling that this will be a great party" said Elsa while holding Anna's hand.

Then Anna and kids recreated scenes we know from various songs.

Kids asked Ice Queen to make magic and she created snow.

"Do you want to build a snowman?" called Anna and everyone started playing with snow.

Also kids were fascinated by Nokk's beauty (if they only knew 😂) . Meanwhile Bruni (consistently going by she/her) got stressed by a big crowd and statred to burn.

Elsa distinguished the fire and took care of Bruni. Meanwhile Earth Giants arrived causing a little earthquake which almost closed the gates. The sisters ran to keep the gates open and with the help of trolls they did.

Some notes:

Sorry, I don't have time so the translation is not full and precise.

This is interesting that at this point these stories seem to show that Anna and Elsa are co-queens of Arendelle 🤔.

Also the constant absence of Northuldra brings a question if this is a result of a deal Disney made with Saami (as in consultation of a story that includes Northuldra and stories in comics are too small to start the procedure) or Disney put a ban on them for other reasons (like after F1 there was a ban on Hans and Elsa's love life).

Here's a bonus poster "Festival of friendship" 😏

[neyafromfrance95]

If there is actually a kiss it has to be with Sauron. It can work if it’s a vision or the temptation (to not piss off the fanbros too much). We know Celeborn isn’t in this season. All other options don’t make any sense. Unless they are trolling us and the kiss is not romantic, and its only a kiss on the cheek or the hand from one of Galadriel’s friends. If it’s actually Elrond I’m going to be pissed 😂

yeah, it'd be funny (and underwhelming) if the kiss turns out a friendly cheek kiss or smtng.

the only reason i still consider elrond as a possibility, more or less, is bc we've seen a shot of him touching galadriel's face in one of the promos. maybe holding onto nenya corrupts him for a moment and tarnishes his intentions? idk.

on the other hand, there is simply 0 romantic undertones underlying their dynamic. not just that but it would overcomplicate galadriel's relationships. i could see them replacing celeborn with elrond for convenience and erasing celebrian, but the thing is that celeborn's existence in trop canon is already confirmed and he will probably appear even if near the finale. so it would overcomplicate the romantic mix.

now i hope celeborn appears as late as possible. i personally don't see celebrian having a role in this story as it would still be too weird with how they're developing galadriel and elrond's relationship. i can't imagine them making elrond babysit his future wife while celeborn is unavailable for some reason and galadriel is out there ruling or mind-skyping her dark lord mistress 😆 simply her presence would be a reminder that elrond, her mother's slutshaming bestie, is the babydaddy of her (several) children and that would make the general audiences quite uncomfortable. also, no celebrian would mean that galadriel and celeborn being tight is not a point in the show, yk?

so the kiss would make the most sense if it's with someone they have established as galadriel's primarily "romantic" dynamic (even if they don't call it that, galadriel x sauron *is* romantic) and will continue to be one till the end of the show.

or it's a shock kiss with adar which for some reason makes sense to me as well. would be really controversial and i imagine the intention would be to piss sauron off which could be fun to watch.

[justenjoythegossip]

THE SHOWER PORN AND A FEW FICTITIOUS MYTHS…

Recently again, I have come across the fictitious myth that Alba posted her shower porn to deflect from her racist and antisemitic stuff that was uncovered by (more likely leaked to) Chris’ fandom a few days earlier. 

But I would argue that this explanation for her posting herself stripping in the shower has little to no credibility. I will explain why, share my theory about what likely went down and the clues that point to it. I will also use this opportunity to debunk a few myths that have plagued this fandom for a very long time…

Usual disclaimer: I have no insider knowledge and have 0 contact familiar with this shitshow and the protagonists.

Her posting a shower porn was likely an act of retaliation to embarrass Chris…

When someone posts their nudes online, it can be either accidental or purposeful. If the posting is purposeful, it cannot be about deflecting from an existing PR crisis for the sole reason that the distraction would only work temporarily. The thing you are trying to deflect from would come back and bite you (on the butt) very quickly AND you would have added a sex scandal to the mix. Not the greatest move. Especially when you are a woman. Men tend to go unscathed or even end up benefitting from such scandals, but it’s rarely the case for women because… double standards and misogyny, you know? 

So the reason someone would post their nudes, a sex tape or in this instance a shower porn is to find elsewhere. It is most likely to get attention. The question is: what kind of attention and from whom?

I suspect it was actually Chris’ side that leaked the receipts showing her to associate with racist/antisemitic people in what turned out to be a successful effort to silence her. The reason his team likely tried to keep her quiet is probably because she had made a couple of very costly mistakes prior to that.

What made Chris’ team want to silence her and get her under control…

Her first mistake was to post the now debunked fake yoga certificate so that she could place herself in Atlanta with Chris. It probably forced his team into damage control mode, as they had to get assistance from a yoga studio based in Atlanta and a couple of its members that helped corroborate Alba’s claims. But her most aggravating mistake was posting her mother’s age on Instagram, very shortly after people commented on the fact that Chris was closer in age to Alba’s mom than to Alba herself. It was a catastrophic move on her part because, it showed she and his team were lurking on SM, it showed how thin-skinned and rash she is and worse it drew more attention to the age difference and terrible optics of this “relationship”. 

Leaking her problematic stuff likely served as a warning shot to behave and stay quiet or else she would be destroyed. And that’s probably why she posted that shower porn, to embarrass Chris and get a semblance of revenge. I believe she felt safe doing that anyway because a marriage was already in the pipeline.

But notice that she has kept quiet since then. You can compare her SM activity before that event and after she came back to Insta, and it differs greatly. And of course, her problematic stuff never reached the general public. 

Do people remember the GQ event in Portugal where she refused to talk to the media and was said to be rude? It was most likely because that poor Nazi troll wasn’t allowed to speak. Her only job was to flash “her” ring in order to honor one of their sponsors and that was it. 

But she did manage to post a video of the rings with her soulmate Justin to try and embarrass Chris once more. 

Why a talent agency would seemingly work against its client’s best interests…

Of course, some people might think this theory has little credibility because leaking her problematic stuff doesn’t reflect on Chris well. But I believe that not only did the talent agency not mind this little problem, but they actually welcomed it. First of all, they made sure her problematic stuff never reached the general public, as this information was only destined to his fandom. But more importantly, why not charge more hours to your client to manage a crisis you have created yourself? That’s actually quite the smart savvy business model and that’s “capitalism” for you. 

It might be too cynical for some but we are talking about a company that allegedly dabbled in sex trafficking by providing actresses to a famous disgraced producer so that he could sexually assault them. They then allegedly helped cover the scandal by helping him destroy the lives of the women who dared speak up. So this shitshow, that would be kids’ stuff for them, wouldn’t it?  

Of course, such tactics have helped decrease Chris’ market value or help accelerate it but as you have noticed, all of his upcoming projects (excluding Red One) are CAA-backed, so they basically get him for cheaper. And Marvel is likely the only place where he can still get huge paychecks these days but they will get a big chunk of that anyway so basically it is a win-win situation for the talent agency. 

Of course, it’s difficult to know what is happening behind the scenes and it’s just speculation on my part but I suspect they no longer have much faith in Chris’ career and future. A few critically panned projects and commercial flops may have helped reinforce their strategy and it seems like that they are trying to squeeze as much money out of Chris as quickly as they can. 

The legend that Chris’ fandom is like the FBI is a great cover story…

Rumors are that the fandom uncovered Alba’s past and exposed her, like they have uncovered so much of Chris’ business over the years. But I suspect this is a lie. A very practical lie by the way. 

Because the legend that Chris’ fandom possesses the most amazing investigative skills has served two purposes. First of all, it has enabled the fandom to feel good about themselves as they could pat themselves on the back for being such great detectives. And yes, I would argue, it was a good thing to try to make a loyal fanbase feel good about themselves, especially when they are so easily and so often thrown under the bus. But more importantly, this legend has been used to cover the fact that this fandom has been infiltrated for years and has been fed information directly from his team. On this platform (which sponsored his NY con) and other SM platform. I have discussed it previously and have used many examples to illustrate that. 

Like a Team Real blog having a picture of Chris’ dog at the daycare center. Like a blog which made a (non)sensical U-turn from Team PR to Team Real (a very practical trajectory that I explained in a previous post) who allegedly recognized a hotel room in Finland or in… Lisbon!

Let’s talk for a second about the video Chris did in his hotel room in Lisbon for that teacher. Isn’t it amazing how quickly people found out where Chris had shot this video? Isn’t it tragic how that poor teacher allegedly had to quit her job because Chris’ crazy stalker fans harassed her? 

People would be smart to question the veracity of this story as it is likely totally fictional. It did serve at least 2 purposes. First, it helped reinforce the crazy fan narrative that has been shoved down our throats for years and more importantly it helped place Chris in Portugal, which was the whole point of this little video. His team leaked where Chris was (something they have done very often) to breadcrumb his relationship to Alba, so that his fans could connect the dots. Do people remember the first articles that came out after Chris and Alba became official? They all put so much emphasis on the fact that his fans figured it all out and put 2 and 2 together when Chris and Alba were trying so hard to be private. Because private people always breadcrumb their relationship on Social Media, don't they?

But it was nothing new for Chris as he was flirting very ostentatiously and so privately with Jenny on Twitter back in the day...