#the toads don't want your shit

[suspicioustoads]

Today I was reminded of a work incident from a few years ago, so let me tell you about the Infamous Shit Circle.

It's 2020. I've recently returned home from college after the dorms were shut down due to pandemic reasons and needed a job to financially and emotionally sustain myself. I ended up working at a provincial park campground (while this was arguably the worst job I've worked, it was also the most beautiful place I've worked at. We take our wins where we get them).

The world is pretty insane and where does everyone escape to when they want to pretend everything is fine? They get lost in the woods for an undetermined amount of time.

Aka they go camping.

When I say everyone was looking for an escape, I mean *everyone.* Anyone with a tent and a dream was out there, especially the highschoolers. Specifically, the highschoolers who weren't allowed to party like usual (again, pandemic restrictions) but needed some sort of outlet. Partying in the woods was that outlet. Technically the campground shouldn't have allowed this but frankly, my bosses didn't care and I wasn't paid enough to rock that particular boat. Nor was I paid enough to deal with the outcome of their parties.

Picture this. You're driving the little gator loaded with cleaning supplies up to campground loop C. It's the most "in the woods" area you can get, furthest away from the lodge and campground spots are far enough away from each other you could reasonably not see or talk to anyone else for your whole stay and that'd be normal.

The first thing that hits you is the smell.

It's the woods, campground outhouses are nearby, sometimes you'll just catch a wiff of feces but this? This is bad. This is worse than bad. This is offensive. This is a violation of the Genova Convention.

(Fun fact! When you smell something, it's because you're smelling the particles of that something in the air, which is now in your nose, triggering all those lovely olfactory senses.)

You hope to god that this stench is just the result of an animal's stomach ache, a freshly emptied RV waste tank, but you know it isn't.

Then you see the toilet paper.

Streams of toilet paper trail up the road, dangling from trees like poorly hung streamers at a 5 year old's birthday party.

All leading up to one campground you'd already heard about this morning. The campground that'd been cause of multiple complaints throughout the night. A group of 18 to 20 somethings, responsible for excessive noise, disrupting campground neighbors, making a mess of the place, all things that you'd come to expect from party hard campers. You wonder what those noise complaints specified, but now you don't really want to know.

You pull into the campsite and for the first time all summer, you geniunely consider quitting on the spot.

In the middle of the campsite is an almost perfect circle of Human Feces. It's like a group of people got into a circle, popped a squat, and collectively experienced the Sugar Free Haribo Gummy Bears Colon Cleanse.

It got worse. There was more shit outside the campsite, creating a nice little border. More toilet paper hung from the trees, some of it clearly used. Empty beer cans, food wrappers, and other garbage was strewn through the trees.

So what do you do? What do you do after witnessing the aftermath of a remarkably shitty party?

You drive back to the shop and get the big shovel.

[xoxoladyaz]

Deep down, Steve knows that it's only a matter of time until he gets caught.

It feels like he's gone through the five stages of grief, like, twenty times. He can't count how many hours he's spent rationalizing it: what Eddie doesn't know won't hurt him, this is normal, people do it all the time, and besides, Eddie would feel completely betrayed if he knew and their relationship is so new that it's just not worth the risk. The absolute last thing he wants is to upset Eddie and this will just make him upset so really, Steve is doing the honorable thing by just not telling him, by pretending that he's not hiding anything, that everything is fine.

But it's not Eddie that catches him; hell, it isn't even someone in the Party; it's Jeff, Eddie's friend/Hellfire Club member/Corroded Coffin bandmate who shows up too early for D&D at Steve's one day and sees something he shouldn't have.

"This isn't what it looks like."

Jeff walks into the kitchen and frowns, like he's confused by what he's seeing and why Steve is so anxious, why he's sweating like he's just run a marathon. "It looks like you're blending a bunch of veggies together in a blender."

Shit. "Okay, it's exactly what it looks like."

Jeff still looks confused. "And this is a big deal because - "

"Because I haven't told Eddie that the 'special pasta sauce' that I've been using the last three months whenever we have spaghetti and meatballs is actually entirely made of, like, ten different kinds of vegetables," Steve rushes out, and Jeff's face smoothes in understanding.

"Oh, yeah, that makes sense. The dude has a weird vendetta against veggies."

Steve groans, slumping in relief. "Tell me about it. Do you know how hard it is to hide veggies in every single meal that I make for him? Because if I don't, then he's never going to eat them, and I'm worried about his health enough as it is."

Jeff nods. "It's the smoking, right?"

"The smoking, and the drinking, and I know he's sneaking out to smoke with Jon and Argyle, but he doesn't exercise and he only eats highly processed cereal with loads of sugar and I just don't want him to have a heart attack before the age of forty!"

"Hey, hey, Steve, man, your secret's safe with me." Jeff holds his hands up in supplication. "And for the record, I'm on your side. The dude is like a feral raccoon."

"I know," Steve sighs. "But he's my feral raccoon."

That makes Jeff start laughing. "If it makes you feel any better, my mom and I have been doing the same thing for years now. If you want, we could exchange recipes sometime."

"Really?" Steve perks up and now, now he's excited. "That would be great!"

"Sick. Need some help with the meatballs?"

"Please!"

And that is how Eddie and Gareth and Phil and Dustin and Mike and Lucas and Erica and Will find them later, chatting and laughing while Steve tosses his homemade noodles into his now-simmering pasta sauce, Jeff sitting on the kitchen island and drinking a beer.

This time, it's Jeff who looks like he's seen a ghost. "This isn't what it looks like."

"Oh?" Eddie asks, and his voice is totally controlled, which means that Jeff is screwed. "So you're not hanging out with my boyfriend and making him do that cute little blushy giggle that is my cute blushy giggle?"

"Eddie!" Steve scolds, but it's too late, Jeff knows his fate is sealed.

"Okay, it's exactly what it looks like."

(Jeff's rogue is caught in the blast zone when Dustin's ranger kills a large acid toad. Still, he can't feel too mad when he sees Eddie smirk and then lick the veggie sauce out of his pasta bowl.)

[archangeldyke-all]

RAHHHH ITS MAH BIRTHDAYYY

Sev waking reader up with head for her birthday?? Goodness😩

-🥨

happy birthday baby!!!!! i hope you're loving your day <3

men and minors dni

"babyyy." a voice singsongs.

you're having a lovely dream in which you and sevika are soaring through the clouds, hand in hand. you have no intention of waking up, no matter how inciting the voice singing happy birthday to you sounds. so, you just huff, reach out to push your wife away from you, and return to your dream.

sevika laughs as your steady snores fill the room again.

it's your birthday, and sevika wants to start celebrating with you. clearly, though, you want to spend your birthday morning sleeping in. that's fine. sevika can work with that.

she lets you sleep, preparing your favorite breakfast in the kitchen and arranging all the little gifts she's collected for you over the past few months on the dining room table.

sevika's not big on birthdays, never has been, but when it comes to you sevika's always looking for an excuse to celebrate.

so, is it a little over the top for her to be blowing up dozens of balloons? sure. but is it worth it for the way you'll get all flustered and try to hide your face in her chest? absolutely.

now though, it's been an hour and a half, and sevika's getting antsy.

she wants to wake you up and celebrate with you, shower you in affection and gifts and love, hand feed you bites of your birthday breakfast, kiss you a million times.

you're still snoring.

sevika pinches your foot under the covers. you don't move. she huffs.

"babe."

no response.

"baby, wake up. it's your birthday, i made your favorite for breakfast."

you just snore.

sevika rolls her eyes, flings her shirt off, and crawls under the covers. it takes a little bit of maneuvering, but in a few moments she's got her face between your legs.

she sighs happily as she inhales the scent of you. you're always so impatient when she's between your thighs, she takes advantage of your current sleeping state to just... soak you up. the sight of your cunt, the smell of you, the warmth of your inner thigh where she rests her head. she could probably die happily like this.

you shift in your sleep, your legs clenching a bit around her head before relaxing again. it shakes her out of her stupor, and she launches forward with the single minded intention of making you cum so hard you're too aroused to go back to bed.

she succeeds.

incredibly quickly.

you're having a strange but pleasant dream where you and sevika are attending a wedding-- the bride being jinx, the groom being a giant toad she's trained to speak english.

and right when the toad starts to say his vows, you gasp awake to the feeling of your wife's tongue buried inside of you.

"se-vika!" you gasp, throwing the blankets back and gawking down at her. she hums happily, winking at you as she sloppily makes out with your cunt. "wha- oh fuck!" you whine, collapsing against the bed again as she sucks your clit into her mouth.

"mmm... happy birthday." sevika mumbles against you.

you groan, your brain fuzzy from sleep and pleasure, your eyes heavy but snapping open with her movements. "sev." you moan. she chuckles.

"made you breakfast 'n everything." she whispers.

you thread your fingers through her hair and pull her mouth back against you. she chuckles, kisses your cunt sweetly, and then gets back to eating you like a ripe peach.

"'m gonna cum." you groan. your voice is still gravely from sleep, and sevika shudders at the sound of it. "fuck, sev, shit!" you whine as you fall apart on her tongue.

her fingers claw against your hips, keeping you pinned to her lips as you shake and shiver through your orgasm. when you push her away, she groans in disappointment.

you burst into laughter. sevika kisses a path up your body until she's hovering over you, smiling down at you.

"what's so funny?" she asks. you smirk up at her and shrug.

"happy fuckin' birthday to me i guess." you laugh.

she snorts, then swoops down to kiss you.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner

@shimtarofstupidity @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther

@ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai

@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @realgreeniebeanie @k3n-dyll

@sevsdollette @ellieslob @xayn-xd

[joannerowling]

What that wasn’t in the movies do you hope they include in the new show 😋 they better do it justice or elseee. If they game of thrones-ify it I’ll kill someone

PS: Peeves is confirmed! I'd love for the show to include some of Vernon's POV in the first chapter, because it's such a funny and iconic introduction, and spend a bit longer on Harry's awful life at the Dursleys. Ron throwing hands with Malfoy. The twins shooting snowballs at the back of Quirrell's head. Also, PLEASE, an accurate depiction of the way Hermione deals with the Devil Snare. Do NOT cut Ron's "are you a witch or what?!" line again i'm begging!

CoS: Nearly-Headless Nick's anniversary is a popular one i subscribe to! And Ginny's Valentine card ("his eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad"). Percy being a bit more present.

PoA: Hermione and Ron working on Buckbeak's case, Hermione's Girlboss Day where she quits Divination and slaps Malfoy in the span of a few hours (and Ron's reaction to it). Hermione making fun of Ron for believing in the Grim. Oliver crying tears of joy after winning the Quidditch Cup.

GoF: Ok, now we're in business. Give me the SPEW sideplot, including Dobby's salary, drunk Winky and the kitchens. Also, don't skip over the harrassment Hermione gets from Skeeter, let her grow obsessed with finding out how she manages to evesdrop on conversations (specifically, i need that scene where Hermione is wondering aloud about her while viciously grinding beetles into dust in Potions class) and trap her in an unbreakable jar.

OotP: Three words: Department 👏 of 👏Mysteries 👏 SHOW US ALL THE ROOMS, especially the Time Room (let us freak out about the baby-headed Deatheater!!!) and the Brain Room (let Ron Weasley get his sexy scars from being strangled by flying brain tentacles). Harry throwing hands with Malfoy. Harry and Ron making shit up for Divination class. Divination teacher Firenze (i know it doesn't bring a lot to the story but i want Hermione to call out Parvati about her horse fetish). Hermione cursing Marietta Edgecombe with acne spelling "SNITCH" on her forehead (again, probably won't happen as it's maybe too gross for tv but one can dream). Ginny and Harry bonding.

HBP: That one scene where Harry brutally assassinate a seed while Ron and Hermione are trying and spectacularly failing to arrange a date. The Gaunts memory and also the one where Voldemort comes back to Hogwarts and tries to get the DADA teaching gig.

DH: Harry's 17th birthday including the cake. Ron punching Malfoy in the face while invisible and yelling at him "that's the second time we save your life this evening arsehole". Potterwatch. Fred's death. Ron and Hermione's first kiss happening exactly as ridiculously as it did in the book. Harry calling Hermione "like a sister" and embracing Ron after his return. NOT showing us the trapped bit of Voldemort's soul in purgatory King's Cross, because not seeing it makes it scarier.

[trainnster]

A Message for our Dearest Friends ✨

[[ Before anything, I do give a TRIGGER WARNING for those who may not want to read about anymore of Nirmal's escapades, and also who may not want to look into discussions of z!on!sm, harrassment of children, and just general nasty ass behavior from Karen Supreme over here. If you do read though, I very much thank you! ]]

So y'know unfortunately I was not added to The List™. Really sad, might just piss and die from it all. HOWEVER, I care about this fandom and I'm always for being petty, so I guess I'll take the bait and send a nice little message to our dearest friend @gordontheengineswifenirmal and her little bestie boo @drackara for trying to fuck with MY friends!! 😁

FIRST OFF, I am not nor will I ever take shit from some bitch who named herself after that fugly ass grey cat from Garfield, so no I am not scared of you and actually I'm SO happy you chose a fandom I happen to be in to try and be a little prick to so I can go into some of the shit you've done!! Like omg thank you SO much for this opportunity, girl! 😊✨

SECOND, you are old enough to be the parent to about 60% of this fandom yet lack the simple maturity basics that even a 5 year old has, so like idk but maybe you should look into going back to school and doing something with your life, since it's obvious you're just rotting in your friend's basement and don't have any sort of diploma or certificate to your name teehee!! 😘

THIRD, going on with how grossly uneducated you are at your crusty dusty ass age, let me remind you that nobody, I mean NOBODY- Actually, here, lemme add the definition so you can get it:

NOBODY [pronoun] / ˈnoʊ.bɑː.di / : not anyone

(SOURCE: Cambridge Dictionary)

Yeah, so that? Yeah, nobody owes you shit over actual families who are going through one of the worst mass humanitarian disasters we've seen in modern history! There's this other thing called "independence", yeah, and THAT means that we ALLL get to choose where our money goes! Isn't that so great? Yeah so that means… People get to choose if they want to monetarily support you!!! 🥳 Isn't that just so lovely?

And y'know, maybe it's just me, but I dunno if people would want to use their independence over their money to send it to a random 42 year old over helping people escape literal genocide. Doesn't sound so great does it? Yeah, maybe it's kinda like people have hearts and understand that genocide is far worse than some random 42 year old who spews z!onist rhetoric, disrespects sex work, and demands monetary gain from literal kids who she not only calls slurs but also actively exposes to NSFW content on her little confessions blog!

Y'know… maybe THAAAT'S why people don't send you money! Yeahhh it's cuz you're a basement-dwelling prehistoric z!onist toad who actively threatens the safety of literal children in online spaces!! I got it figured out!! And y'know, I got you figured all out too, darlin', because I sure as hell know this ain't your first rodeo and this post sure as hell ain't mine!

And y'know I could just keep going on and on, but considering you're probably red in the face and sobbing like the infant-minded subhuman creature you are over lil ol me simply going over just one single little atrocity you've committed on this fandom, I think I'll spare you from holding you to the mirror for ALL that!

Anyways, I do hope this all finds you just SO well, and maybe you can understand just a teensy bit why people y'know… Don't like you! Yeah, so uh hope your holidays go great, hope the new year treats you better than how you've treated ANY of us, and I do hope that poor single braincell gets some friends in the incoming year because he sure is real lonely in that hollow head of your's! Anyways buh-bye hon, hope you have a fantastic day 🥰

[actuallysaiyan]

NSFW prompt #4 with Dante please

warnings: mentions of wounds, reader is a demon hunter, smut, rough kissing, nudity, Dante being Dante

It's tough to keep up with Dante and his twin as they hunt demons. You're good, as you've been doing it for years, but nowhere near as legendary as they both are. Not to mention, you don't have the healing factor that they do. So you often have to be on your guard. Dante has mentioned it multiple times before that he worries about you whenever you go hunt devils with him and Vergil, but you always remind him that you've been doing the job for almost as long as him.

This particular devil happened to be tricky. He was an incubus, which played to his favour when it came to you. As the twins saw him in his true form which happened to be an ugly, wart-covered toad, you saw him as a charming prince with jet black hair and a killer smile. Still, you did all you can to not let that deter you from helping to win this battle.

You figured you were doing well with dispatching all the smaller devils, but it's while you were distracted that the main one attacked you. One large slice of his katana, and you were down for the count. Blood dripped from the wound in your shoulder and your shirt was pretty much done for. You rushed away from him, bleeding more than you'd like.

"Shit!" Dante yells in frustration, and he rushes over to you. Vergil is quick to end the devil, and he takes care of things.

With Dante now by your side, he kneels down and holds you close. He places his hand on top of yours and applies pressure. He kisses the top of your head.

"Do you see why I don't want you coming with us?" He asks, a little ticked off that you'd so willingly place yourself in danger.

You whine softly, "Dante, I'm fine."

Vergil watches the two of you, then he manages to call Nero and Nico to come pick you all up with the van. You'd be fine, but there was no way that Dante would be allowing you to come on any devil hunting trips in the near future. Once you're safe in the van, Dante has you wrapped up in his coat to keep your dignity protected. It doesn't take long for you all to make it back to Devil May Cry.

Vergil recognizes what this signifies for his twin, and he tells the rest of the gang to stay back. They leave you both to enter the office. Dante sets you down on the couch and he begins mending at your wounds. In no time at all, he has your wound bandaged up. He then tells you to rest.

As you sleep, Dante removes the rest of your clothes. He inspects your body for other wounds, but he is very relieved to find that you're okay. Then he places a soft, warm blanket on top of your naked form and he goes to fetch you something else to wear when you wake up. He's less worried now but he has a lot of regrets about letting you come with them.

Slowly, you begin coming to. It's been few hours but with Dante's help, you'll be right as rain. You sit up and gasp when you realize you're naked. He's sitting at the desk, a dirty magazine in his hands. You begin looking everywhere for your clothes, but you don't find them.

You get up on your feet and march over to Dante, and he smirks when he sees that you're stark naked. A small blush creeps over your face, but Dante only beckons you over. You try to say you'd like to get dressed, so he gestures to his own clothes he brought down to you.

"You could wear my clothes. Yours got ripped to shreds, baby." He smirks at you once more. He then pats his thigh and you climb onto him. "Or you could stay naked. That would be nice, as much as I like to see you in my clothes."

Your lips meet in a frantic and rough kiss. The risk of losing you has made him needy. His hands soothe over your body, making sure to be gentle when it comes to your wound. It's not long before he has your thighs spread and he presses his own thigh between your legs. You moan as your clit grinds against his thigh.

"Isn't this much better than hunting demons?"

You had to admit, it was better than hunting demons. Way better.

[inlovewithalotoffandoms]

Quitting?

Scott McCall x Sister!Reader

Stiles Stilisnki x Fem!Reader

Summary: With the help of your brother Scott, Stiles finds out the true "identity" of your "manager", and you confront him.

"Why won't Billy let her go overseas?"

"Sacurity Stilinski, you know that."

"BS! Billy is killing his greatest asset without a reason. So what's the reason?"

"Loomis always has his reasons."

Stiles scoffed and walked out of the room. He then decided to go see Scott for help.

"Stiles, Y/N's not here."

"I was actually looking for Scott."

"Scott's not home either. He went with Y/N."

"Did they tell you where?"

"No. Sorry Stiles but i really have to go to work."

"I think I know where they could be. Thanks Mellisa."

He then went straight to the one place he knows where you are. He opened the door to see you, Scott and Billy talking. When you looked over your shoulder and saw him you ran and kissed him.

"Stiles, hey. Oh I missed you so much."

"Missed you more."

"Uhh, big brother and the manger still here."

Time Skip

"Y/N, hey babe, wait up!" Stiles called out as he ran to catch up to you in the school hallway.

"What is it, Stiles? I gotta go." You tell him.

"He lied," Stiles stated as he got straight to the point.

"Who?" You asked.

"Billy, he lied. There wasn't going to be an International tour because he can't leave the country. He's got no citizenship, no official identity. He's got no passport, no bank account. He doesn't freaking exist." The sarcastic boy ranted.

"Whatcha talkin' 'bout, Stiles?" You asked in an accent.

"He's saying that Billy has been lying to you this whole time." Scott jumped in as he rounded the corner.

Time Skip

"Oh, you blood-suckin' old vampire. You bled me dry, and you still want more?"

"I'm not an uncaring man, Ms McCall."

"Don't you 'Ms McCall' me, you toad!"

"If you are so determined to get out of our contract-"

"You're damn right I want out!"

"Well, I will personally loan you the money that you owe to Jamboree Attractions."

"You-You still have your claws on me! You still have me working here like a damn slave in a salt mine! You phoney, no good piece of trash! And I'll shoot you in your freaking face if I have to!"

After a moment of silence, you spoke up again, "Billy, who are you?"

"I am you, you are me."

"Cut the horse-shit! Everything I've ever known about you's been a lie!"

"Y/N/N, you all good?"

"My past is the least of your problems, my dear. Everyone else you associate with lives from you Y/N, even Scott..That's right even your own Brother has looked after himself before he's looked after you. Yes, I have lived from you too but the difference is you have also lived from me." He then continued, "We have supported each other because we share the dream. We are the same you and I."

"We are not the same! I was innocent before you cane along and screwed me up!"

"I'm out. I'm getting the money and you are gonna leave me, my brother and my mother alone. You got the Billy? If that even is your name."

The was another moment of silence before the older men spoke up again, "Maybe you should fly away, my dear. Away from all of this, but. If you do choose to leave, then I for one would be very lonely, so would your mother and brother. But I think you may be lonely too or you'll see, my girl the truth about the rock of eternity...It is forever, just beyond her reach."

"Hey, Billy!, f u!"

[jimpagne]

the worst thing v gets is being called a leech and attention seeker which is what tkkers had been calling jm FOR YEARS. while disliking v because of shippers is petty it’s incredibly interesting how many jikookers had been defending v in the last few weeks while it’s complete silence within tkkers, youll never catch any of them defend jm

That's because a lot of Jikookers don't need to falsify reality in order to represent a certain agenda. Jikookers can be the bigger person if they need to be.

As someone who is truthfully OT7, I don't sit here hoping that hate trains form around someone that I see to be a "threat" to my ship. If I'm being completely honest, I think trying to consume Are You Sure?! from purely a shipping point of view is entirely counterproductive and not a good way to enjoy content. I think it's fun to gush over certain moments, but if you're only parked outside Disney+ or whatever streaming you're allegedly pirating it from just to see your ship in action... you're opening yourself to form biases and bitter feelings toward things that might not be directly encompassed within your ship's boundaries.

This is why I made a call out post whenever certain jikookers resorted to bullying Taehyung whenever they saw that he was going to be a guest on the show. Though I already hear people coming, saying "Oh, but taekookers are bullying Jimin to hell and back, so why can't we?"

Well maybe you shouldn't because it shows that you have the representative IQ of a toad. So let me get this straight, people who are NOT Taehyung bully Jimin... your first course of action is to... bully Taehyung? I think reciprocal hate is incredibly stupid and unwarranted. If I'm going to shit on the behavior of taekookers, guess who I'm gonna take it out on? That's right, I'm going to take it out on taekookers -- not Kim Taehyung.

Taehyung is currently serving in the military, so I doubt he's logging onto Twitter or Tumblr or whatever to say nasty things about his BEST FRIEND. I think people tend to forget that Jimin and Taehyung are tied at the hip and have an entire song where they wax poetry about how much they care about one another...

Anyways.

A lot of Taekookers live in another facet of reality, so in order to make half of their agenda true, Jungkook has to dislike Jimin, the company has to be forcing their fanservice, Jungkook's mother had to have been sent a script beforehand to ask about Jimin, Taehyung was lying about only seeing the trip details a few days before departure, Jungkook was holding Taehyung's waist in this screenshot (but don't look at the footage where it shows otherwise!), Jungkook only acts "cold" (if being humorously bratty is considered cold) toward him in certain scenes because the producers want Jikook to appear more real, HYBE has some joint contract with the South Korean military to put Jimin and Jungkook together in order to hide the real gay couple that is Taekook--

The more you dive into their rhetoric, the less it makes sense. Taekookers also argue with LITERAL KOREAN PEOPLE about translations in the show. Also it's super funny to see them shift from the narrative that she show is scripted to suddenly saying -- no, it's not scripted, to then saying this part is scripted, to then saying, no the whole thing is scripted again, to then saying, actually at this time stamp they went off the script and--

Fucking crazy.

I think what I noticed the most about a lot of taekooker's rhetoric is that in order for something to be true, they need to create a lie or insult the intelligence of both Taehyung and Jungkook.

So you're telling me that two grown men have to lie about who they're with and what they're doing in order to make your ship real? You're telling me that Jungkook and Taehyung are not intelligent enough to negotiate their contracts or what type of "fanservice" they have to engage with on the regular? You're telling me that Jungkook lied about who he saw on his birthday in order to protect Taehyung? You're telling me that after ten years of being in the same group, Jungkook is actually uncomfortable with Jimin but still decided to get a matching tattoo with him and all the other members? You're telling me that the homophobic country of South Korea is willing to hide a gay couple by endorsing a manufactured gay couple? In the military? Where gay people are famously treated well?

That's sarcasm, for anyone who might lack reading comprehension.

Taekookers are the literal embodiment of that one post where the person is like "source(s): trust me bro" because half of what they spit out makes no fucking sense and is actually insulting to Taehyung and Jungkook. Like y'all constantly insult their intelligence and their free will and make it seem like they're trapped behind bars and don't have enough money or power to negotiate what THEY want. I've even seen certain taekookers become Jungkook antis after Are You Sure?! came out because they think he's being mean to or bullying Taehyung.

God, the lights are on but nobody is home.

[changingplumbob]

CW: Low level sim spice, Language - Guide to content warnings

One morning Glenn found a most unexpected set of visitors at his door. Not caring to find out how easily they could smash his door down he went outside to greet the twins.

Glenn: Now to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit

Jackson: *snickering* Coleman needs tips on doggy style

Coleman: Shut up! You're just mad I scored that hot blonde last night

Jackson: I don't care. I got the-

Glenn: Newsflash! I don't care either

Jackson grunted angrily while Coleman snickered.

Glenn: Why are you here

Jackson: *sighs* Henri is going on a trip

Glenn: A trip?

Coleman: Over to Europe to see all his old pals

Jackson: And probably fuck his way into not paying for accommodation

Glenn: Wait, is this about the baking festival he mentioned?

Coleman: Well he said baking but we all know that's code for getting laid

Glenn: Pretty sure it isn't. He does genuinely love his baking

Jackson: Maybe. Anyway we're here to...

Glenn: Yes?

Coleman: That is we need to...

Glenn: Yes?

Jackson: Well, Phoebus has said-

Coleman: Yes Phoebus said-

Glenn: Just spit it out

Jackson: *snickering* Oh no man, I swallow

Glenn: *sighs* If you two are done wasting my time-

Coleman: No Glenn, wait. We need a favour

Jackson: And we're not great at asking for help

Glenn: No shit

Coleman: Phoebus doesn't want us by ourselves for a fortnight

Jackson: He doesn't trust us to not blow shit up

Coleman: Or muck with Henri's potion cupboard

Glenn: So you need... a babysitter?

Jackson: No!

Coleman: Shut up dude we do

Glenn: And if I say no?

Jackson: Then we have to ask one of the girls

Coleman: And we don't want to do that

Glenn: Not even Miranda?

Jackson: She had to look after us enough growing up

Coleman: She's done her time

Glenn: But I haven't?

Jackson: Oh come on Glenn. Please don't let us get saddled with Drusilla as a house guest for a fortnight

Coleman: You know what they're like

Jackson: They'll turn us into toads or something claiming it's the easiest way of looking after us

Glenn: I mean I can see how they would come to that opinion

Coleman: Oh come on man, are you going to make us beg

Glenn: No but I would have some conditions

Jackson: We're not sleeping with you

Glenn: *ignoring him* No more picking on Silver

Coleman: We don't pick on him

Glenn: You make fake howling noises when you spot him to see if he howls back

Jackson: That's just us helping him keep his skills sharp

Glenn: You asked him if he dances naked under the full moon

Coleman: Well humans didn't get that myth from spellcasters so they had to get it from somewhere

Glenn: You asked him if we woohoo when he's in wolf form

Jackson: Now that was a genuine question

Coleman: We are actually curious if werewolves do that

Glenn: Gentlemen, you want my help? You respect my boyfriend

Jackson: Can't we just respect you

Coleman: It would be much easier

Glenn: Nope. No more comments about doggy style. Treat him properly

Jackson: But we don't even treat you properly

Glenn: By all means, say no. I'm sure you'll enjoy your fortnight as toads

Coleman: Fine. We'll behave

Jackson: Yeah, total angels

Previous ... Next

[tashacee]

What would happen if each of your LU AUs had access to Smash Bros or Mario Kart? This idea has been a parasite lovely guest in my brain for weeks.

hee hee hee

Okay i'm choosing Mario Kart cause that's hilarious to me.

Time: He Does Not Understand. His hands are too big for the controller. He wants to ride a horse. Why is he here.

Legend: Nono you don't understand he's SO competative. He gets so mad. He wanted to be pink, but wasn't paying much attention when he chose his character so he's Wendy and he doesn't know how to change

Hyrule: He plays exclusively as Waluigi and plays ALL the dirty tricks

Sky: It's my Sky so he's blind, and yet somehow he is the best at this. He wins every time. (Fi guides him, she loves Mario Kart)

Four: He plays as Toad and everyone finds this hilarious.

Twilight: He immediately chose Isabelle but he doesn't really race, he just tries to do trick moves and then falls off the Rainbow Road.

Warriors: He works so hard. He spends night after night learning the maps, the best strategies, everything. He SHOULD be the best. And yet Sky constantly beats him.

Wild: he plays Link on a motorbike. He spends his time helping Twi to do wild stunts. Sometimes his stunts accidentally land him in first place. He is as confused as anyone else.

Wind: He hoardes items and uses them specifically to be a little shit. He has the best time.

[daisygirlwrites]

Could you be able to do a headcanon of a video game night with the 141, I keep thinking about that headcanon in the third part of the ghost headcanon

Game Night Headcanons (Task Force 141 + afab!Reader)

note: König and Horangi appear, no use of (Y/N)

a/n: hey hey, this was really fun to write and there might be a second part to this. also this is a little shorter than normal, sorry about that. anyways, thank you all so much for reading!

taglist: @bobfloydsgf , @warenai , @devilsfoodcake22 , @itsscromp , @dilfsaremyfavourite, @imalovernotahater , @cutiecusp , @allen-444

gif credit: @pedrokkstuff

The typical 141 game night, more often than not, leads to a fist fight at some point

As well as name calling, accusations, threats and sometimes, crying. Last part is done by Crash most times

It wasn’t like this before. Game night was more relaxed. There was usually multiple systems and even board games going at once

That is until Soap suggested Mario Kart. He was whining on about how he wanted the group to play together, even for one round

You and the others give into his insistent whining. However, Price used his ‘old man’ card to get out of playing and agreed to watch from the sidelines.

It took a while to convince Ghost to join, Soap literally begging on his hands and knees. But it was you that ultimately got him to play, by taunting him. There is still a rivalry going on between you two though it’s become friendly in recent times. 

Your taunting worked, calling him an old man to his face and that he’s probably embarrassed to play because it’s the one thing he’s bad at. The thing that pissed him off most was you told him that he’s a ‘has-been’ 

He stares at you as you give him a smug grin back. Ghost opens his hand towards Soap, not breaking eye contact with you, he says one word, “Controller.” Johnny lets out a little “whoo!” and places a switch controller onto his hand

Ghost would either main Shy Guy, Dry Bones or Dry Bowser for obvious reasons

Soap plays Bowser or Bowser Jr. He mentions something about having a similar hairstyle as them. (Bonus points if he’s matching with Ghost)

Gaz plays as Toad because the little screams Toad makes is low key funny

Crash usually plays as Isabelle but whenever Ghost joins, she switches to King Boo

First game, Crash wins with Ghost coming close at second place. Lowkey, Crash got real nervous during the last lap since Ghost was in the lead but with the magic called button smashing, she kept blue-shelling him.

Second game, Ghost absolutely demolished everyone, paying close attention to you. 

You, being a sore loser, calls him out for cheating and demand a rematch

To everyone’s surprise, he does. And round after round, he beats everyone

Gaz was speechless, Soap looks at the Lieutenant with awe and it took everything in you to not bitch slap Ghost

The little argument becomes a little bit too intense which turns into a yelling match

Crash : “Bitch do you want me to jump across this table because I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY FOR THIS, OKAY?!” Ghost, with a shit eating grin under his mask : “You feeling froggy? Leap.” Crash, rolling up her sleeves : “Okay, well here I come."

Price, who was napping on the lazy chair while they played, woke up to a scuffle. Lifting up his hat, he takes in the scene in front of him:

You were very animated, talking with your hands as you argue with the Lieutenant. Ghost has his hands on his hips, back straightened as he looks down at you.

Soap was in-between you and Ghost, hand on the latter's chest and the other on your shoulder, keeping distance from each other. He looked a little nervous, being literally in the middle of Ghost and essentially, a mini Ghost. "Hey, let's talk this out first, no need for fightin'!"

Gaz had a hand on your other shoulder, trying to pull you away. He would lift you up, and he can, but he doesn't want to get his ass beat by someone who's five foot four

Price, after watching them for a couple minutes, finally steps in.

Had to use the 'dad voice' on everyone

That weeks game night ends there

The next one though, basically the same thing happens. Only difference is that you guys were playing Super Smash Bros.

Ghost would either play Dark Samus, Sheik, Cloud or Snake

Soap plays Bowser, Roy or Ryu

Gaz usually plays as Lucario or Ness, but sometimes switches to Marth

Crash mains Kirby, however she does have a soft spot for all of the cute game mascots (especially Pikachu)

Same thing happens, Ghost beats everyone and you start an argument because "No one his age knows how to play."

"For God's sake, Crash, I'm twenty-nine!" "Pretty fuckin' old to me." "We're six years apart, Tiny."

You low key hated that nickname. It was a reminder to you that everyone else was six foot and taller.

With no hesitation, you jump towards him

Thankfully, this time Price is awake and grabs you just in time

He holds you back as you shout "These hands are rated E for Everyone"

After that, game night was cancelled for a while, for oblivious reasons

That is until the KorTac team joins them. Game night is brought back since it's good for 'team bonding'

It's mostly König and Horangi that hangs out with them, with Hutch occasionally coming by

All of them are really good at Mario Kart and Super Smash Bros.

It was kind of embarrassing for the 141 to get beat against the new guys

Everyone was nice at first but as game nights continue, König lets out a snide comment

"Thought you guys are the best of the best. Guess you're not good at everything."

As much as you liked König, you were not gonna let that slide. Same with Ghost

Both of you form a truce and team up together

As you were on the field, both of you are a deadly combination

Unsurprisingly, you win. But learning from previous mistakes, you behave yourself.

König and Horangi lose gracefully, telling you "GG" and even apologizing for the comment he made earlier

Price gives a sigh of relief, not wanting to break up a fight, especially since one of them is almost seven feet tall

Other games the team plays:

Halo (specifically the first three). Ghost doesn't say but he low key relates to Master Chief. Soap likes it because there's a pretty lady that talks to him

Mario Party. Price has to supervise

Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter. Everyone is surprisingly chill when they play those two. Just something about Super Smash Bros that gets they hyped up

Untitled Goose Game and Goat Simulator. It's mostly you and Gaz playing. Funny games that makes you forget about the world for a few hours

The team also plays card and board games as well but that's for another time

[thecountesstribe]

HOTD 2X6 Review and Spoilers!!

Another slow episode. The episode dragged especially considering it's currently down to the last 3 episodes of the season.

Alicent got booted off the council, LMFAO. I don't take pleasure in seeing women suffer but older Alicent earned her shit, it's what she gets. Larys thinking he was gonna be named the hand of the Regent King LMFAO. Aemond said get your toad looking ass tf on and go call my grandfather. That was smart as much as I hate to admit it. Aegon definitely remembers his brother trying to kill him though. Larys is going to be protecting Aegon from now on because he knows that they can't control Aemond, I'm mad I gotta say something decent about him but he's actually thinking with his brain. The green council is still in a mess and divided and they know Aemond is going to be a tyrant king, hell Alicent knows and she's still somehow shocked by the monster she created like she didn't have a big part to do with him harboring his worst qualities and helping him mold into it. Delusional I tell you. The small folk are suffering already and got on their asses though, the only thing I didn't like is Helaena getting caught in the crossfire again. Another Daeron mention and did they just subtly hint at Criston being his father? Meaning Alicent was really sleeping with him before Vizzy T kicked the bucket? The writing for the show is all over the place, my God.

We were a diva down and I didn't like it one bit. WHERE TF WAS BAELA?! Like we saw her husband but where was she? Ugh. Rhaena and Joffrey sighting. They were so cute! Rhaena is still trying to convince herself she doesn't need a dragon to be important 💔 and Joff just wants his momma. Nettles looks like she's officially scrapped. I'm so pissed. They could've totally given Rhaena something else to do in the meantime, they didn't have to merge Nettles and her story together. Wtf Sara and Ryan?! This is why people say there is a Team green bias and they aren't beating those accusations. What does this mean for Rhaena hatching Morning? There were four eggs does that mean she still has a chance to do it? I'm so mad. Then again after what Dumbass and Dunderhead pulled in the final seasons of GOT why tf am I surprised!

We saw baby Stormcloud!!! I never realized how much I missed seeing baby dragons on screen. It's like having baby Viserion, Rhaegal and Drogon back. My heart did a little quick thump. He was so derpy too 🥺🤣 How Aegon's supposed to get away on him is beyond me, he's literally the size of a kitten. The timeline is so messed up as well.

Daemon is still in spooky land and although I'm over it, I understand it's a culmination of all his regrets and things he wishes he could've had and done differently. We saw Vizzy T and that scene where it showed Daemon wanted to be there for him, he just didn't know how.... Man I kinda teared up. At the end of the day Daemon just wanted his brother's love and approval, he went about it in the wrong way because he's chaos personified but that's what it was always about to him. Vizzy T was his parental figure, his everything really and man 💔. Miscommunication trope strikes again. Him and Alys becoming friends even though she's the one that's tormenting him wasn't on my bingo cards. Somebody come get Caraxes outta there, I know he's bored asf. Every time we catch a glimpse of him he looks more and more over the entire thing. 🤣

One of the highpoints of the episode was Seasmoke. Dragons have personality y'hear me. More of that! Seasmoke is a whole clown 🤣🤣🤣. Why would he do Ser Steffon like that? I mean sure he got a little cocky but intentionally bending his neck for him to get on and then essentially saying “BITCH YOU THOUGHT” AND THEN BURNING THEM TO A CRISP?!! He was so funny for that 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭. He said “get y'all mid looking asses on” I already got eyes for one person and he's so real for that. You guys think he used to have dragon conversations with momma Meleys about picking their riders? We know dragons pick their riders as much as riders claim their dragons but do you think Meleys taught him if the unfortunate should ever happen make sure and pick the baddest of the bunch? We know Meleys picked Rhaenys as Rhaenys picked Meleys, that was confirmed. Meleys said Pretty Women Only and do you think she told Seasmoke to get him a pretty rider to match his aesthetic if the need ever arises? I know Laenor hatched him but Laenor was pretty asf. Seasmoke saw Addam smiling on the beach once and said “yeah I gotta have that” plus it helps that he has dreads, a pretty smile, a pretty face and looks like Corlys. He said welcome back Laenor Velaryon. Addam being Laenor's brother makes it hysterical as hell too, I'm creased LMFAO. He didn't have to chase down Addam like that but I respect it, he saw what he wanted and shooters shoot. I too would chase down Addam until he accepts my advances and affection, Seasmoke been eyeing him for awhile.

Corlys is officially the hand of the rightful Queen of the 7 kingdoms.

We got canon bisexual Rhaenyra. Although I wish she was kissing another beautiful Velaryon instead, Laena I miss you so much baby, that was for me. Her and Mysaria kissing before Jace and Baela is egregious to me though. I'm just saying why everybody locking lips before the main og star couple?Rhaenyra smacking men, 100000s across the boards. She should've been doing that sooner but better late than never I suppose. That lady is still in her resentment of her husband era. Her face when Jace said they needed Daemon 🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭 She's sick of hearing about that man. He's right btw, Rhaenyra go get him, he's out there giving our diva Simon grief. Mysaria actually helping her with PR and actually giving her great advice. I love women supporting women! Her sending food with her banners for the common folk was so politically savvy. Mysaria being one of the few that is actually coming in clutch to help her to win the war 😉. I still don't trust her though, something about this entire thing tells me it's gonna end badly for her. I'll enjoy them trauma dumping and bonding on one another before the shit hits the fan though. I know doomed Yuri when I see it. Jace and that one guard immediately knowing something is up with both of them is sending me though. She took off at the end of the episode to go confront her ex-husband's new dragon rider and Syrax about to be screaming at her dragon ex husband too apparently. 🤣🤣

Since they're essentially changing the entire plot and the leaks that I thought were written like fanfiction might actually be true could we get Jace surviving the battle of the gullet? It's not slated for this season but I'm here to spread my agenda. Since we're essentially fucking canon atp instead of in certain scenarios and all this for Bran the broken to sit the Iron Throne (I'm still fuckin disgusted and furious at that btw, fuck you D&D) could they switch that shit up? Let's come together and manifest it guys.

Until next week guys. I better see Baela, Rhaena, Jace and more dragons though. I'm here for them and them only.

And another thing, could you guys stop leaking shit. I block words and myself from certain pages and sites but y'know how stuff still slips through the cracks. Have some decorum and etiquette please!

[pixiemage]

I deal with ADHD on a daily basis, meaning I struggle with multiple (frustrating) things. There's one in particular that's been on my mind the most as of late: it's difficult for me to complete large tasks easily. For me, motivation, mental energy, and time are limited, and those rare moments where it all lines up so I can get shit done are often few and far between. This applies to both things I don't want to do, and things I do want to do. Even writing or cosplay construction or editing videos can become daunting tasks even though they're all fun and enjoyable hobbies of mine.

Recently, I've been trying to clean my room.

As anyone in my immediate family can tell you, this has been a big problem since I was young. My room starts clean, but then I put a few pairs of shoes by my bed, then don't have the energy to deal with the growing laundry pile, then can't find a place for the new mic stand I got for my birthday, then I start dumping jewelry on my bedside table at the end of the day when I'm tired, then - then - then. And then it builds to a disastrous tipping point and it has become this massive, incomprehensible task I have to tackle, and because my brain hates me, it's a frustrating and grueling process to even figure out where to begin.

But deadlines help (pressure helps) and I have found that working on it in the wee hours of the morning (from midnight to like 5am) is somehow a way to get my brain to focus on it. For some reason I work better then. Arguably, this isn't logical or useful every day because I need sleep and I have work, but I made MASSIVE progress two days ago by staying up way too late on a night when I finally found the drive to get shit done.

That's not really the point of this post though.

The point is that I've found that a majority of society (or maybe just the NT community in general) have a hard time seeing progress as worthwhile when completion is better.

"Did you finish your room?" "Not yet, but I dealt with that massive pile of crap on my couch! It's SO much better, and I can actually see the floor in front of my dresser now, and-" "That's not what I asked. Did you finish?" "Not yet." "The answer is no, then."

It doesn't matter how much I've done. It doesn't matter how proud I am of my partial progress. It doesn't matter that I fought tooth and nail to get to the point I'm at, because unfortunately, I haven't finished it all yet, so it's not good enough.

(And I know I have a deadline, and I know we have family coming over soon, and I know that being done is the goal, but the deadline isn't here yet. Give me time. I need time.)

I think we as a society need to award and praise ourselves more for the efforts we put in, whether we reached a finish line or not. I'm not saying we shouldn't strive for completion, because at the end of the day that's often the goal of any task. But we should also let ourselves be proud of how far we have come as long as we're doing our best. I don't see that often enough. I continuously struggle to reach that finish line, but hey, I came this far today! I didn't reach Toad so he could tell me my princess was in another castle (because god knows there's always another task), but I did hit that checkpoint, and since I've been struggling through this level for as long as I have, that's still worth celebrating in some small way. It's still worth all the coins I collected and the goons I defeated to get to this point.

Don't reprimand your kids because their hard work thus far doesn't quite live up to your standards. Applaud what they've done and then help them find the right next step so they're motivated to keep going.

It takes a lot of work to save a princess. The journey has a lot more monsters than just the dragon.

[lycandrophile]

You should probably stop giving these terf and tehm anons attention. They'll bother you less if they don't get the reaction they want out of you. I'd at least turn anon messages off so they can't be cowards and must speak from their main if they want to talk shit. In any case, putting those toads aside, I love your blog and work!

that’s normally what i would do, but since the point of this blog is to document and talk about that exact kind of shittiness, they’re actually just doing my work for me! and i’m not one to pass up an opportunity that’s so conveniently handed to me. it’s very rare that one of them actually gets to me (most of them just become running jokes between me and my boyfriend because they’re so ridiculous — that “where is your scrotum” anon is our current favorite) so i don’t mind letting them bring the post topics to me.

not to mention, if it’s not me that they send those things to, it’s inevitably going to be someone else because these are people who are just looking for a trans person to shit on. i know that i can handle them because i’ve had years of experience with it at this point, so i’d much rather have them give it to me than to someone who might be a lot more vulnerable to what they say. a lot of the messages are things that don’t really bother me at all but that have the potential to genuinely hurt a lot of other trans people, so i’m happy to make myself the easy target for it. i’d much rather it come to my inbox than to someone who isn’t able to just brush it off the way i’ve learned to.

i also just don’t want to turn anon off because i know a lot of people with genuine contributions aren’t comfortable with having their url attached to it (and who can blame them, with the way we get treated for having these conversations). it’s important to me that people can ask questions or talk about their experiences anonymously if that’s what they’re comfortable with.

[youremyheaven]

OKAY STORYTIME u guyysss

so my friend, we'll call her Mishti was in a long term relationship with a deadbeat loser guy who was toxic and crusty af (she's a Solar girl- Krittika Moon and she basically provided for him and he never gave her anything, not even peace of mind 😭) they started seeing each other in 2021 and I always thought their breakup was imminent because she was a straight A student and ambitious af and he was an unemployed toad 🐸 (they started dating when she was 21 and he was 26 btw 😬 to have no education or job AND expect your girl to spoil u at that big ass age is 🤢🤢🤮) they were always fighting and arguing and never had a moment of peace. She was talking to him ALL the time (she's Revati Sun)

I made my IG account in early 2023 and this guy started following me. He would unfollow and refollow me every few days so I just stopped letting him back in (i have a private acc) and he send me DMs like "why won't you let me follow you" and I was like ??? bc you keep unfollowing me?? and he was like "ohhh i was just trying to get your attention 😜" and I was like ???? (mind you, I had never ever met this guy and I'm sure he knew I was in his gf's college but I don't know if he knew that we were good friends) and he was all like "I know all about you, aren't you studying for ______ and aren't you from _____" (this is basic info bc it's just his gf's details basically) and I was like huh??? and he was like "I like looking at your profile, I look at it often" and I stopped replying after that 💀🤡😬😬 I know it doesn't seem immoral exactly but i don't think you should be talking to your girlfriend's friend this way 😬😬🤮

I thought of telling her but then I didn't want her to think I was a bitch 🤡 bc girlies in love will defend their philandering men and blame the women,,, so I just shut up even tho it really bothered me to think that I was the only friend of hers that he followed and he felt fine ??? talking to me like that ??? like was he not in the corner of his mind thinking that I might tell her that he's a bit sus 💀 IDK

Anywayyysss months go by and he sends me messages that I ignore (all of them are compliments and it doesn't feel right 😬😬) finally in June, he send me a long message about how he just wants to be my friend and wish I'd just talk to him 💀💀💀🤡 and I was like okay that's it, I can't do this shit anymore and I blocked him and messaged her to tell her about her man weirding me out

She told me that they'd broken up in early 2024 and that he'd been cheating on her 💀💀💀💀💀🤡

And I was like damn it I should've said something 😩😩😩😩 like clearly that man was lusty messaging and cheating with many women 😩😩and maybe i could've made the breakup happen sooner 😩😩🤡

But honestly Solar girlies stay in relationships they gain nothing from for far too long 😔

They're always dating men who give them breadcrumbs

She had 9383838 reasons to dump his ass but she stuck by him for YEARRSSS until finally he did something she couldn't forgive 😔😔😔

If you're a Solar woman, please stop giving your time and energy to men who give u absolutely nothing. I know you're an independent queen who needs nothing from anyone but don't carry around people who are dead weights and rob u of ur light 😩😩🙏 don't be independent at the expense of being with someone uncaring

[bibbityboppitybillyharvgrove]

Always There - Chapter Fourteen: S.Snape

Summary: Y/N Potter was left with a baby to care for after her brother and sister-in-law were murdered by Voldemort. One person was there for her, a person she didn’t expect but soon became her comfort person, Severus Snape. During Harry’s third year at Hogwarts and her third year as Herbology professor, a few old friends come around again. Y/N has to handle the feelings of these old friends being around again as well as handle her feelings for a certain potions master all while she tries to hide these things from her godson.

Series Masterlist

My full Masterlist

Pairings: Severus Snape x Female Professor Reader, Potter!Reader x friend!Remus, Sister!Reader x James Potter, Potter!Reader x Friend!Sirius

Chapter Warnings: Female Reader, Potter Reader(No physical description of reader) probably shitty writing, Harry growing up in a loving home, Umbridge, Fudge, Harry is a little shit, swearing, not proofread

Series Warnings: Female Reader, Potter Reader (No physical description of reader) probably shitty writing, OOC Snape, Harry grows up in a loving environment, mentions of death and murder, poorly written angst, Remus is a shitty friend, poorly written pining,

Please let me know how I can improve my writing and being more inclusive to POC as I am whiter than white. Please also let me know if I have to add more to the warnings! My messages are open as well as my asks!

I am starting a taglist so leave either a comment or something in my asks if you would like to be tagged in any of my works or just this series!

Author's Note: To those who celebrate, Happy Thanksgiving!

Please let me know how I can improve or if you find any errors! Correct me, don't be afraid to! I want to improve my writing and become a better writer so any feedback or advise is welcomed!

Word Count: 1775

My asks are open for questions, suggestions and feedback!

Feedback is welcomed and encouraged!

Enjoy!

not my gif

not my gif

Not even a few days into the term, Harry had already received detention from Professor Umbridge. Now the toad-like woman never told Y/N exactly why he was given detention, just that he had lied to her about something and she didn’t appreciate that. She then proceeded to blame the Herbology professor’s parenting for the boy’s behavior. This was her first sign that something was up with the new professor and then she saw her nephew’s hand the day after his detention. It was scabbed over with the words ‘I must not tell lies’ carved into his hand.

“Harry, what happened to your hand?” Y/N pulled him aside to ask him the question. 

“It’s nothing Aunt Y/N, I promise,” Harry replied.

“Don’t hide this from me. Tell me what happened and how you got those words on your hand.”

“It was my detention with Professor Umbridge. She used some kind of quill that carves the words into your hand as you write them. She told me to stop lying about the return of Voldemort but she wasn’t there! I was there! I saw him!”

“I know, my boy, I know. I’ll handle this, okay? Go see Madame Pomphrey, she’ll give you something so that won’t scar,” She instructed her nephew. To say that the woman was furious was an understatement, so she stormed her way up to the headmaster’s office where Dumbledore and Umbridge were sitting and talking with the Minister of Magic. “You foul woman! How dare you use a cursed quill on a child! You should be sent to Azkaban for what you did to my nephew!” She yelled at the woman drowning in pink.

“Whatever do you mean Professor Potter? I would never do such a thing,” Umbridge said innocently.

“Look at Harry’s hand! It’s all scabbed up with the line YOU made him write for telling the truth! He does not lie! I raised him better than that!”

“Are you sure you raised him at all? I mean the poor boy looks quite disheveled all the time, his clothes are all worn down and his shoes are atrocious. I thought you came from a wealthy pure-blood family, Miss Potter?” Umbridge picked at her. She wanted a reaction and boy did she get one.

“I swear to Godric I will kill you if you speak ill of my family once more! Harry has new clothes and shoes, he just doesn’t want to wear them yet! And my family’s financial status has nothing to do with it! Nor does the blood status! Who cares about blood status?! Albus, Minister, if you two don’t take action, I certainly will and you will not like what I will do to this loathsome toad disguised as a woman,” Y/N was panting with anger, the longer she looked at the woman, the more she wanted to pounce at her and beat the shit out of her. However, she knew she couldn’t do that, not with the minister around, she had to be on her best behavior which she also wasn’t following.

“Did you need something, Dumbledore? I was interrupted in the middle of my lesson,” A familiar and calming voice stated behind her, however calming it was, she was still amped up and rearing to have a go at the pink toad. 

“Ah Severus, nice of you to join us. I wish to speak to you and Miss Potter privately,” Albus responded, “Professor, minister, I hope you don’t mind waiting a few moments. I need to speak to these two about a rather urgent matter.” Umbridge and the minister left the room and waited outside to be called back in. 

“What’s going on, why are you so upset, love?” Severus asked her.

“That toad out there is torturing the students! She used some kind of cursed quill on Harry that carved whatever he wrote on paper on his skin. He has ‘I must not tell lies’ carved on his hand for Salazar’s sake! Hasn’t there been enough shitty professors here in that same position?”

“I understand your frustration Y/N, however there is not much I can do here. They have begun to dwindle my authority in this school and that starts with not having the ability to dismiss Professor Umbridge. She was hired by the Minister, not by me so it is the Minister’s doing if it comes to dismissing her or not,” Dumbledore explained.

“That’s bullshit and you know it, Albus! You’ve been ignoring Harry since the beginning of the term and now you’re just letting this slide?! Like this isn’t child abuse or torture?!” She screamed at the man.

“Why don’t you head to the hospital wing with Harry, love. I’ll handle this, you need to be with him right now,” Severus stepped in trying to diffuse the situation.

“If nothing gets done about this I will leave my position and take Harry with me, no matter how much I love this school and no matter how much Harry does, I cannot allow my boy to be tortured like this! He is my son! He is mine to care for and protect! And with that toad around, I can’t protect him!” She threatened before storming out of the office. She quite literally ran into Umbridge on her way out, nearly knocking the woman over, but she kept walking. 

She kept her pace until she had made it to the doors of the hospital wing, taking a deep breath before entering and locating her nephew. He was sitting in the bed, Madame Pomphrey applying a healing ointment to his hand to help the scarring. His eyes lit up when he saw his aunt, a smile making its way to his face, brightening his features. She had noticed that Harry and James have the same smile, one so big that it will light up a whole room, it was uncanny really.

“Harry, my love, how’s your hand feeling? Any better?” Y/N asked, trying to keep her voice steady and calm even though she was still seething inside.

“A lot better actually. Did you talk to Dumbledore?”

“I did. Harry, there’s nothing he can do. The Minister hired her so that means that Dumbledore can’t do anything. The Minister seemed rather unphased. Look, love, if nothing gets done, we will be leaving Hogwarts and going elsewhere. I can’t have you at risk again, we can go find somewhere safe, maybe go to America, I heard Ilvermorny is one of the best wizarding schools in the world.”

“I don’t want to leave! That’s not fair, you can’t take me away from my friends for something so little! And you can’t just leave Hogwarts and the Order! That’s not the right thing to do!” Harry argued.

“It’s the right thing to do in terms of your safety! That is my number one priority, YOU are my number one priority!” Y/N replied, getting frustrated with the situation once again.

“I am not leaving. Hogwarts is my home! Hogwarts is where my family is! And you want to take me away from that?!” 

“What about our home? What about me? Am I not your family anymore?”

“No, not if you take me away from here. Hogwarts is my home, it’s where I feel the safest, where I feel the most welcomed!” With that, Y/N walked out of the hospital wing, not wanting to continue the argument and make the matter worse. She felt like every time she took a step forward in the right direction, she took three steps back not even a week later. She couldn’t catch a break.

She didn’t get what Harry didn’t understand, and sure it was unfair but did he not consider his safety? His aunt’s sanity? She had almost landed a one way ticket to St. Mungos during the summer, after spending the whole holiday awake and rushing to calm Harry down after a nightmare. She made it back to her quarters in no time, Severus already there waiting for her to return. “What’s wrong, my love?” He asked, seeing the look on her face knowing that something was bothering her.

“Harry told me he won’t consider me family if I pull him out of Hogwarts. I just want to keep him safe, Severus. That is all I want and I can’t have the peace of mind with Umbridge here because can torture the students and get away with it because Fudge sucks and will do anything that toad will ask of him. The students aren’t learning anything in her class nor are they practicing and then she is observing me tomorrow and I know it’s going to be bad because I yelled at her in front of Dumbledore and Fudge and I’m gonna get sacked and have nobody until the holidays. I’m overwhelmed, I’m so overwhelmed and I don’t know what to do anymore. Nothing I do will make Harry happy and all I want for him is to be safe and happy. It’s getting to be too much for me, Sev, I don’t think I can handle this by myself anymore,” She ranted to her partner. Severus was quiet for a moment, processing everything she had said before he formulated his response.

“Firstly, I don’t think she’ll sack you for yelling at her, she has to observe the way you teach before making that decision, you are a fantastic professor, you will be fine. Secondly, Harry doesn’t understand it because he’s a teenager, everything is about him and his friends, nobody else. He doesn’t want to get taken away from his friends which is understandable, however, the way he spoke to you is not okay, he needs to learn to treat you with respect. Thirdly, you don’t have to do this alone anymore, I’m here. I will always be here, call me for help, if you need me to handle Harry, I can handle Harry. You are the love of my life and that boy is a part of you, he is part of my life too and he is a big part. I will do anything for the both of you, always. Just say the word and I will be right by your sides,” Severus replied, his voice filled with understanding and love.

She rushed towards him, wrapping her arms around his middle and holding onto him tightly. Her face was buried in the crook of his neck as she breathed in his scent and listened to his breathing. Severus wrapping his arms around her almost instantly and holding her just as tight, his head resting on top of hers. “Thank you,” She whispered to him.

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