#the title of this chapter is a Carly Rae Jepsen song

[eternally6pm]

Irresistible Force - Part 3

Warm Blood

Rating: M

Characters: Jakob, FCorrin, Xander, Silas, Camilla.

- Let down my guard tonight  |  I just don't care anymore -

SOUNDTRACK

PART 2 | PART 4

---

It was two weeks into the job, and he was towelling his hair after a shower when his pager went off for the first time.

The shriek he heard on the other end of the line when she answered his call nearly caused him to trip right over as he tried to tug on a pair of jeans while cradling his phone between his shoulder and face at the same time.

“Where are you?”

“At home – oh, god, could you come help me? Quick!”

Her voice made him want to jump out of his own skin with anxiety. “Are you able to move?”

“What? Yes! Of course I can move!”

“Go somewhere safe. Leave the apartment if you have to. Close the door. Call nine-one-one.”

“Wait, why – “ she shrieked again, and Jakob dropped the phone this time, cursing as he snatched a clean shirt from a hanger in his wardrobe and picked up the phone to hear the tail end of a babbling string of words. “- could be! Could you just come, please? Please!”

“Stay calm. I’m on my way.”

Dragging his damp hair into an elastic, he pulled on his boots, grabbed his baton, jacket, helmet and keys and all but ran out the door.

The lift in her building took an eternity to perform its function and when it finally opened on her floor, he charged straight out, key card at the ready, jabbing the pin code in before shoving the door open.

“Corrin!”

The apartment was empty.

“Jakob!”

Her bedroom door burst open and she barrelled at him so quickly, he wasn’t ready, staggering almost back out the door and dropping his helmet and baton as she threw her arms around his waist.

“What,” he spluttered, stunned into awkward inactivity as he tried to figure out what to do with his arms.

“You came!” 

She beamed, as though she honestly thought he wouldn’t. To his relief, she let go of his waist and grabbed his arm instead, pointing into the kitchen. 

“Now go kill it.”

“What?” He repeated.

“The spider! I said there was a spider – and I lost track of it, I don’t know where it is, please, just get rid of it, please.”

Jakob gaped at her. “I thought you were being attacked.”

“I was! By a spider!”

“You –“ He shut his eyes and rubbed a hand over his face, torn between laughing and groaning out loud. He settled for sighing instead. “You can’t call my pager for things like this.”

Corrin actually pouted, and he wanted to shake her, frustration, and strangely, affection assailing him all at once. 

“I’m sorry,” she apologised, looking down at her feet like a child that had been caught doing something wrong.

“It’s… it’s all right.” Something in him relented, a weight lifting from him as he settled into the realisation that she wasn’t in any imminent danger and he gently patted her shoulder with his free hand. “I suppose it’s what I do. Protect you. Even if it is… from a spider.”

She gave him a small smile and then jabbed a finger in the direction of the kitchen again. 

His arm was quickly released as he stepped into the tiled area. The first thing Jakob noticed was shattered glass on the counter below an open cupboard.

“Please do not tell me you threw a glass at it.”

“I threw a glass at it!” Her voice came from the living area and he turned to see her standing nervously behind her coffee table, a distance unnecessarily far from where he stood. “Don’t judge me!”

He couldn’t hold back a small snort of amusement.

“Are you laughing at me?”

“No.”

He peered into the cupboard and there it was, wedged in a corner just behind the door, dark grey and hairy all over with alarmingly long legs.

“Your aim is miserable.”

“I panicked, okay?”

He picked up another glass from the shelf. “Clearly.”

Carefully, he hovered the opening of the glass over the spider, trying to gauge if it would be wide enough to fit over the thing. Perhaps a bit too small.

“Do you have a –“

It jumped.

Corrin screamed, and Jakob leapt a mile, a yelp of shock escaping him as he dropped the glass and frantically brushed at his shoulder where it landed. Again, she screamed as it tumbled to the floor and started to dart away and Jakob thought fuck it, and stomped down on it as hard as he could.

For a long, long moment, neither of them spoke.

It was Corrin who broke the silence by starting to giggle.

“You… you…” she couldn’t form the words, overwhelmed with laughter as she doubled over, her arms folded over her stomach.

Jakob could only sigh, huffing a small laugh himself at the ridiculousness of the entire scene.

“Broom,” he requested and Corrin staggered towards the laundry, howling uncontrollably.

She returned with a dustpan as well, and a less hysterical edge to her voice and tried to start sweeping, but Jakob took the items from her and pointed her out of the way. 

“The sound you made!” She perched on a stool at the counter and tried to imitate him, waving her arms in a goofy, exaggerated manner and starting to laugh all over again. “I would have never expected that from you.” 

He shook his head and continued to sweep. “I suppose I’ll leave you to deal with it yourself next time, then?”

Corrin propped her chin in her hands and watched him clean, seeming remarkably content now that the threat had been eliminated. “Thank you for coming,” she said, her voice softer. “I know this isn’t part of the job description. I just… I didn’t know who else to call.”

He located the bin in the corner and dumped the spider and the shards of broken glass. “I don’t mind.” And he realised that he truly didn’t. He glanced at his watch only to find that it wasn’t there, having been left behind in the rush to get here. The digital display on Corrin’s fridge read eleven minutes past seven. “Technically, I’m still on duty.”

“Well, thank you, Jakob, for doing your duty.”

He tucked the broom back into the handle of the dustpan, a thought occurring to him. While he was here, he felt like doing something else outside of his job description.

“Have you had dinner?”

Corrin’s eyes widened in what he was starting to recognise as her playful expression. “Are you asking me out? You know that’s against the rules.”

He forced himself to refrain from smiling, even though her teasing made him want to cover his face with his hands and just grin from ear to ear.

“No, Miss Nohr, I’m asking you if you have eaten, and if not, I’d like to know what you intend to do about it.”

“No and nothing.” She folded her arms. “What are you going to do about it?”

“Nothing,” he deadpanned, walking out of the kitchen and to the laundry to return the dustpan and broom. He felt her watch him, staring as he picked up and collapsed his baton, scooped up his helmet and headed for the door. As he pulled it open, he turned back.

“I’m joking. Get your keys, I’m going to make you dinner.”

The smile that replaced her look of dismay lit up the entire room.

---

“What is the simplest thing you know how to make?”

Corrin watched in interest as Jakob added a bunch of basil to their trolley. 

“Cup noodles,” she replied honestly. “Tea.”

Jakob cast her a sidelong glance. “Do you really want to tell an Englishman that you know how to make tea?”

“Fine,” she rolled her eyes. “Cup noodles.”

He picked up and inspected a large onion. “Well, by the time I’m done today, the simplest thing you’ll know how to make will be this.”

Corrin gave him a small, uncomfortable laugh. “You’re pretty confident for someone dealing with a person who has never cooked in her life.”

“How have you survived this long on your own without cooking?” He pulled a tray of beef mince from the cold shelf and was wheeling the trolley past the rest of the cold and frozen foods when the display reminded him of the expired eggs in her fridge.

“Do you actually eat eggs?”

She stared at him, wide-eyed. “I have eggs?”

He chose to leave them alone for today.

Down another aisle, he pointed out a jar of tomato paste for her to retrieve and then, further along, some dried pasta. She wasn’t quite tall enough and he watched fondly for a moment as she stood on the tips of her toes and attempted to nudge it down, before reaching up to grab it for her.

“Ah, thanks.” She stepped quickly out of the way and almost knocked over a row of rotini. “Sorry, sorry!” She grasped at the falling bags, scrambling to straighten the display.

It seemed that there was never a dull moment around Corrin Nohr.

The groceries amounted to two bags of items that Corrin insisted she pay for despite the fact that Jakob had been the one to suggest they go shopping.

“You shouldn’t be doing this anyway,” she pointed out.

“You make it sound like a violation of terms.”

She waved a hand, mumbling something about a bad idea.

Back at the apartment, Jakob showed her how to cut an onion.

She took to the task with enthusiasm, but frightening recklessness.

“Stop, stop –“

He quickly reached around her to take her hands.

“You’re going to lose a finger if you do that.” He gently bunched her fingertips together and moved them to rest on top of the onion. “Keep them where you can see them. Like a claw.”

Suddenly, she pulled her hands away, scattering bits of onion as she ducked under his arm and darted behind him. 

“I don’t like this, it stings!”

Concerned, he turned to check on her. “Are you all right?”

Her face was bright pink and she sniffled as her eyes watered. “Yeah… I’m sorry. Maybe I should do something else.”

He got her to boil pasta.

Corrin helped him put together the rest of the sauce, obediently following his instructions and otherwise hovering just out of the way. As he finished, he beckoned her to come closer, dipping a clean spoon into the pot.

“Always taste.” He blew on the spoon and offered it to her. “Remember that this is being added to –“

Whatever he meant to say vanished from his mind, his chain of thought snapped cleanly apart as he watched her lips close around the spoon, her tongue dart out to catch the sauce at the corner of her mouth.

“It’s a little salty.”

“Yes,” he agreed, feeling breathless.

Bad. Bad, badbad, this was a mistake.

But it was salvageable, he thought, dropping the spoon in the sink. He could let her eat, clean up quickly and just leave before –

“Would you like a glass of wine?”

No. No.

“I at least know that Merlot can be paired with a red pasta sauce. Camilla taught me that.”

She smiled proudly, and Jakob would have rather dug the damn spider back out of the glass-ridden trash and swallowed it than said no.

Corrin wandered off to retrieve the bottle, leaving him with no choice but to serve a dinner for two.

Determined to eliminate the suggestion that this was in any way enjoyable, Jakob sat quietly across from her at the dining table, carefully directing his gaze at the view, but she was like a beacon even against the brilliant city skyline, irresistibly distracting. Corrin had a talent for conversation, and two glasses of wine in, Jakob was telling her things not even his colleagues, whom he had worked with for years, knew of.

“How long have you been in security for?”

“Two… three years.” Brief answers, no detail. Don’t get too involved.

“What did you do before that?”

“I was a Lieutenant for the Royal Marines.”

“The British military!” She took a long sip of her wine, sitting up straight with attentive interest. “Why did you leave?”

It was his turn to drink deeply from his glass. “Personal reasons.”

“Okay, I won’t ask. But it must have been really personal for you to leave the country entirely.”

He let a mouthful of pasta be his excuse for avoiding a reply.

“So are your family all in England?”

For the briefest of moments, he considered being a jerk. But she was refilling his glass with a gentle smile, and it couldn’t hurt, surely, to just tell her. He had to spend so much time with her anyway, it would be better to sate her curiosity than maintain this clinical indifference.

“I have no family. My parents abandoned me when I was very young.”

“Oh,” her face fell. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. It doesn’t matter much to me.”

“Still,” she said more to herself than in reply, “it must have been lonely.”

He shrugged. “I’m used to it.”

He was drinking too fast. He felt warm when Corrin stared at him and the way the soft lights caught her hair made him a little disoriented, almost dizzy.

God, the flush of wine in her cheeks made her look so –

“I think I’ve had too much,” he muttered.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she stood, coming around the table to take him by the arm, and it didn’t make much sense, but he let her lead him to her sofa and sat down, feeling strangely comfortable as she sat next to him and turned on the television.

“Penguins,” she announced, indicating with the remote, the documentary on screen. 

They were such ridiculous animals, absolutely not made for movement on land, and he might have said so, because she laughed, and the sound went straight to his head, down into his chest where it beat like bird trying to escape.

“Hey,” she said softly, as the commercials came on, “I’m sorry if I brought up some bad memories.”

Jakob sighed. “Don’t apologise. You apologise too much.”

“Sorry,” she repeated, and giggled to herself. “But thanks for telling me. I can’t believe you were a Lieutenant. I guess that’s why you have such good posture.”

“You notice strange things.”

She nodded slowly. “I’m good at that.”

The low drone of the television was soothing, and Jakob felt his head slowly clearing the longer he sat there. It would be a while before he could comfortably take his bike, but it was getting late, and the time at which it should have been appropriate for him to leave had come and gone. With a yawn, he made to stand, and froze.

Corrin had fallen asleep, her legs tucked beneath her and her head tilted sideways against the back of the sofa, as if she had drifted off while watching him. Her cheeks were still pink, her lips parted slightly as her chest rose and fell with deep breaths and her eyelids fluttered as she felt Jakob move beside her. 

“No,” she murmured, reaching for him, her arm falling about his waist, and with a heady rush he knew was not the wine, Jakob realised with sudden, startling clarity that he was trapped.

Caught beneath her unknowing embrace, tangled in the thought of her kind eyes and gentle laugh. 

And to his absolute horror, he didn’t want to ever be set free.

[aaronstveit]

On the subject of song lyrics, there is a question I have been wanting to ask about your playlist: Every single song goes perfectly with deep end (and honestly holds me over until the next chapter lol). I’m curious about what comes first - did the lyrics inspire some of the scenes, or did you write the scene and then dip into this vast well of musical knowledge that I am so jealous you have? (I will never listen to Little Lion Man again without thinking about your Enjolras).

oooh such a fun question <333 i love the deep end playlist dearly and could talk about it forever and ever

the short answer is that some songs inspired feelings or concepts i wanted to include in deep end, but actual scenes themselves were not (consciously) inspired by songs!

the long answer is that a lot of the songs on the deep end playlist and/or that i use for chapter titles are songs i already associated with exr or at least the individual characters. little lion man, for instance, has been on my enjolras playlist forever! (fun fact: weep, little lion man was one of the titles i considered for deep end before settling on throw me in the deep end, i'm ready now to swim.)

most of the chapter titles are associated with a specific event in the chapters themselves. a lot of the chapter titles came before i wrote the chapters, but i knew generally what i wanted to happen when i named them. and a lot of the chapter titles have also changed from draft to draft! for example:

chapter 6 final name: not a flower on the wall (emotion by carly rae jepsen)

chapter 6 original name: take this pink ribbon off my eyes (just a girl by no doubt)

chapter 10 final name: pressure points, they pressure you right back (hate that you know me by bleachers)

chapter 10 original name: tracing an old pattern (drawing the lines from where i am and where i want to be) (i can change by lake street dive)

chapter 11 final name: some things i never expect (halloween by phoebe bridgers)

chapter 11 original name: i didn't know i was lonely till i saw your face (i wanna get better by bleachers)

chapter 17 final name: and whatever we had locked up now is free (lipstick covered magnet by the front bottoms)

chapter 17 original name: all the hope i had when i was young, i hope i wasn't wrong (dream of mickey mantle by bleachers)

i've also just very recently changed the name of chapter 24, which i'm pretty excited about! i won't tell you the new name, but the old name for chapter 24 was "my moodboard is just pictures of you (but i'm not sad anymore)" from the song fake out by fall out boy <3

there are a lot of songs i listened to on repeat while writing that probably subconsciously inspired parts of deep end. some of the big ones that are definitely going to end up on my spotify wrapped because of this fic are:

lucid dreaming by alice kristiansen

spit of you by sam fender

into your room by holly humberstone

surrender by walk the moon

close to you by gracie abrams

like a river runs by bleachers

an ego thing by lizzy mcalpine

admit defeat by bastille

thumbs by lucy dacus

anywhere with you by maggie rogers

there are a lot of specific lyrics that really spoke to me while writing that i'm gonna talk about in another post but i hope you enjoyed this answer <333 as always, thank you for asking!!

[illiterateaffairs]

DISTRACTIONS | THE PLAYLIST ♡  

here are the songs that inspired the chapters and titles of distractions! listen on spotify to hear more ♡ (there is a lot of taylor swift, to no one’s surprise)

♥ the exit by conan gray

♥ london calling by the clash

♥ ride by lana del rey 

♥ ceilings by lizzy mcalpine

♥ sex by eden

♥ rose colored lenses by miley cyrus

♥ glitch by taylor swift

♥ nightcall by london grammar

♥ do i wanna know? by arctic monkeys

♥ this is me trying by taylor swift

♥ i really like you by carly rae jepsen

♥ waves by dean lewis

♥ mess it up by gracie abrams

♥ someone to stay by vancouver sleep clinic

♥ you are in love by taylor swift

[epersonae]

I have been trying to figure out how to even describe my latest fic, for the benefit of all the broken hearts, of which I've now posted 3 chapters of (out of 19). Which I love and I'm proud of; it's is a weird technical flex as a writer and the most work I've put into any writing in any genre in my entire life. And also, I'm way out on my niche bullshit: it's a fix-it for another fic, and it's sort of but not exactly RPF, and maybe it's original fiction but not quite?

And I'm prevaricating, writing all this, being afraid of -- well, something, some kind of reaction -- and that's interesting, too, in the same way as discovering my weird reaction to the choose your own adventure project.

It is, per the actual summary on AO3: A fix-it sequel to Water Flowing Underground, following Ed’s unnamed second wife as she pokes through the wreckage and kicks down doors, and maybe finds the universe four doors down.

I have been working on it for almost seven months, pretty exclusively since mid-January (my ongoing apologies to readers of Hungry for love in particular). It has become the obsession that I could never have predicted, into which I have thrown a variety of thoughts about varieties of love and the aftermath of tragedy, creativity and femininity and identity, a set of matryoshka dolls on the theme of what it's possible to know about anyone else, famous or intimate (or oneself).

Also it's entirely set to the Carly Rae Jepsen album The Loneliest Time, which I have had on repeat for much of the last seven months. And yes, the lower case song lyric title is from the first song on that album. (And also yes, if you have seen me or various associates tag things as "carlita coded", this story is what we're talking about.)

I have to give so much love and appreciation to @emi--rose, who gave me so many wild ideas and so much encouragement, to @veeagainsttheday, who read a very early draft and then was an excellent beta, and to @gaypiratebrainrot, who wrote the original that melted my brain and then betaed this -- all of you have pushed me to be a better writer and a better thinker. Thanks as well to several other friends who have listened to me expound at length on this story and related subjects, it is greatly appreciated.

[ninjadeathblade]

Ok on your own (A Hat In Time fanfic)

Summary: As a young cat starving on the streets of the Metro, Emily decides the only way to make a place for herself is to join one of the notorious gangs who control her home.

Next

Word count: 3,038

Warnings: Mentions of death, injury, blood, mentions of gang violence, manipulation

Author's notes: Hey! Here's the backstory for my version of Empress. This can be read as a standalone but it ties into this AU's timeline. Anyway, Emily is young Empress in case you hadn't figured that out. The title is because I feel this chapter fits with the song "Okay on your own" by mxmtoon and Carly Rae Jepsen. Enjoy!

Cold?

Cold.

Her mother was cold.

Her siblings were cold.

She let out a pathetic mewl and curled up to sleep against them anyway.

So small.

So unaware of what had happened.

Days had passed.

Her mother and siblings hadn't woken up.

Emily prodded her mother one last time before dragging herself up.

Her muscles ached from lack of use as she stumbled out of the cardboard box she called home.

She opened her mouth, trying to take in the scents nearby.

There was a distinct smell; something indescribable that seemed to be everywhere here. It clung to her fur a little bit and carried a stench closer to her mother and siblings.

Then there was another - food.

The kitten chirped and walked as quickly as she could out onto one of the main streets.

That first distinct stench grew stronger and clogged up her nose, making food detection practically impossible.

Emily stuck to the edges of the open space, away from the large expanse.

Open space was dangerous, that much she knew.

She leant up on her hind paws, tipping a bin over.

Metal echoed over stone as it crashed to the ground.

Emily crawled into it, grabbing a half eaten slice of pizza and dragging it back out with her.

A shadow fell over her.

“You seem lost.”

A voice, probably belonging to a gang member.

Her fur bristled and she dropped the food, running.

Gang members meant danger.

And she'd rather starve than get caught by one of them.

Emily darted between alleyways, scavenging through bins.

Would there be a single scrap of food?

A soft meow from inside a bin further down the dark path.

Emily trotted over to it and peered inside.

A small ball of black fluff, hiding under a paper thin piece of red fabric that had a grubby badge attached to it.

“Name?” She asked.

The younger kitten looked up at her, ears flattening back against their head.

A hiss to her left. “Not yours.”

The young grey cat spun to face another black cat about her size.

“Hungry,” she argued, claws flexing as much as they could.

The black cat tilted his head to the side, eyeing her curiously. “Hungry?”

He walked quickly past her, pulling a half eaten takeaway box out from behind a bin.

“Share?” He offered, sitting down a foot away.

Emily cautiously moved closer, sniffing the food before diving in.

The black cat's tail flicked as he eyed her patchy fur and thin frame. “Name?”

“Emily,” she replied between bites.

“Claw.”

“Thanks.”

“Friend?”

Emily stared at him, large eyes blinking a couple times before she spoke.

“Friend.”

Claw walked over to the bin, pulling out the small kitten and its fabric.

Emily pointed at it with her tail. “Name?”

“No,” Claw answered.

Emily finished her mouthful before walking over and looking down at the tiny thing.

“Badge,” she decided.

Claw nodded beside her, repeating the name. “Badge.”

Badge was asleep, Claw curled up around them, occasionally grooming the smallest of the three.

Emily sat on top of a nearby box, watching out for danger.

“No food?” Claw asked.

Emily shook her head, a growl coming out of her stomach at the mention of something to eat.

“Gangs have food,” Claw continued.

Emily's fur stood on end and she bounded over to him.

“Gangs are dangerous!” She hissed, quiet enough to not wake up Badge.

“Gangs have food,” Claw repeated adamantly.

Emily lashed her tail, pacing back and forth.

Claw would do whatever she would.

They both had to look after Badge.

Which meant this decision wasn't for her: it was for all three of them.

Emily stopped in front of her two companions, looking at them.

They were so thin, there was never enough food to go around.

“Fine. Gangs.”

“Stay here,” Claw ordered as Emily lifted Badge into a cardboard box.

“Why?” They asked, so small still.

“We're going for a bit,” Emily said.

“Why?”

“Food.”

“Oh.”

“Stay.”

“Okay.”

Claw and Emily began towards the open area at the middle of the metro.

There were always a few gang members hiding around there, waiting to find new recruits.

“Are you sure?” Emily asked Claw, both of them hovering by the outskirts of the open area.

“We have to,” Claw responded with a shrug.

“For Badge.”

“For Badge.”

The two of them prowled into the middle of the clearing, muscles tense.

Emily let out a yelp as a set of paws roughly picked her up.

She was roughly handled into a bag, claws sinking into her skin slightly.

Claw was thrown in beside her.

Darkness consumed her surroundings a second later.

Pain?

Pain.

Her left shoulder ached, sore and red as she looked at it.

Blood crusted around the claw marks left there.

Emily tried to stand, getting about as far as dragging herself halfway up before her hind paws clanked.

Shackles?

The metal rubbed at her ankles as she twisted her head around, trying to gather her bearings.

The room was dark around her ring of light from above, but she could make out something moving in the shadows.

A deep reverberating growl filled the room as an orange cat stepped out into her small patch of light.

It must've been four metres high, and almost twice as long.

Emily tried to run before tripping and remembering her situation.

The orange cat crept up to her before flopping onto its side and purring.

Emily stared in astonishment at the beast of an animal.

The light above her made a tutting sound before lights flooded the room.

She stared around at what was seemingly a large cage, dozens of black cats crowded around outside.

All able to stand on their hind paws for longer than a small amount of time.

Every cat surrounding her had a red scarf tied around their wrist or neck, save for one.

A door swung open in front of her.

The tabby cat that stalked forward had a red jacket slung around their shoulders as they crouched down to Emily, undoing her shackles.

“You understand me?” The cat with the jacket asked, staying crouched beside the young cat.

Emily nodded before quietly speaking. “Where's Claw?”

“The little black cat? I could only take one of you, your friend is with the other gang.”

The cat with the red jacket held up Emily by her armpits, spinning around to show her off to the other cats.

“New blood!”

The crowd let out a cheer of enthusiasm before dispersing.

“What's your name kid?” The jacket cat asked.

“Emily,” she answered.

“I'm Majesty,” the cat replied.

“Badge!” Emily suddenly gasped, trying to scramble out of Majesty's grip.

“Woah, okay, slow down, what the peck is Badge?” Majesty laughed.

Emily twisted around to look at the tabby. “Badge. My little sibling. Very little and very hungry.”

Majesty hummed as he thought. “Okay kid, we can go pick up your sibling. We're a family here so everyone looks after each other, okay?”

Emily nodded and Majesty set her down.

“Which gang?” Emily asked.

Majesty pulled out a red square of fabric from his jacket pocket, dropping it onto Emily's back.

“Welcome to the Fallen Angels kid.”

“I don't know how you scraps have managed to survive for so long but you're okay now. You'll never go hungry again,” Majesty said as he carried Emily under one arm and Badge under the other.

“Claw helped,” Emily mewed.

“Where is Claw?” Badge asked.

Majesty put both of them down into a tub of warm water and both small cats let out complaining yowls.

“Oh, be quiet! You're both filthy, you need to be cleaned,” Majesty growled, scrubbing at Badge as he held them in one paw.

Emily held her head up in the water, trying to keep breathing.

Badge let out a pathetic mewl as Majesty placed their sodden form on a towel next to the tub, picking up Emily and roughly cleaning her fur.

“You really were caked in dirt,” Majesty mused and Emily looked down at her fur.

Gone was the dark grey she was used to, giving way to a light grey and white fade.

Soap bubbles brushed over her left shoulder and she hissed, spitting at Majesty.

“I know, I know, it hurts. It'll heal over soon, I'm sorry you got picked up by those Demon brutes, my Angels would have handled you and your friend more gently,” Majesty sighed, placing Emily next to Badge before towelling each kitten off in turn.

“Demons?” Badge parroted.

“Chosen Demons, the other gang. You see a cat wearing blue, you run,” Majesty instructed before scooping both of them up again.

Emily watched as hallways flitted past, cats lounging about or running up and down.

They eventually turned off into a room, stacks of blankets and pillows there.

A couple other kittens were curled up in a pile on one side of the room as Emily and Badge were set down.

“This is the crèche. You'll sleep here at night and be taught during the day. Be nice to your roommates, you are all family now,” Majesty ordered. “Now get some sleep.”

Emily nodded, picking Badge up by the scruff of their neck and carried them over to an empty patch of blanket.

She dropped them onto the soft fabric, curling around them.

“Where's Claw?” Badge questioned.

Emily sighed, sweeping her tail round to rest over their flank.

“Don't know,” she admitted.

Badge let out a whimper, pressing closer to her. “Miss him.”

“Me too.”

“Practise standing upright. It's the first step to survival. It will take anywhere between a week to a month to master it,” Majesty explained before quickly gnawing on one of his claws. “Once you've mastered that, we'll move onto assignments.”

“Who is going to supervise us?” A black kitten on the other side of the room asked.

“No one. You don't have to do anything. But you'll get kicked out of the gang if you can't earn your keep.” Majesty shrugged. “I'll visit you in the morning and evening. What you do in between is none of my business.”

The gaggle of black kittens in the crèche set about trying to stand as Majesty crossed over to Emily and Badge.

“So, I've got a feeling that you're going to do great at this,” the tabby said with a grin. “Come find me when you're able to stand, okay kid?”

Emily nodded. “Okay sir.”

“Please, call me Majesty.”

The tabby left the crèche with a sweep of his tail and Emily looked down at Badge.

The small ball of fur was staring around with wide eyes, ears flat against their head.

Emily licked the top of their head, hoping to provide some comfort. “We'll be fine.”

“Want Claw,” Badge mewled.

Emily's possible response was cut off as one of the other kittens walked up to them.

“New,” he purred, eyes glinting with curiousity as he circled them.

Emily's spine arched and her fur stood on end. “Leave.”

“Nice fur,” he continued as he stood back in front of them.

Emily reached out a paw, batting Badge behind her.

“Leave,” she repeated quietly.

The cat's features twisted into a scowl and he hissed at her. “You stick out! Not right!”

One of the other kittens hesitantly added a comment. “Weird fur.” They proceeded to point to Badge. “Weird eyes.”

A growl reverberated in Emily's throat and she spread her stance slightly. “Leave. Won't ask again.”

“Or?” The first cat taunted.

Emily sprung at him, barreling him back onto the floor.

Her and Claw had had a few playful fights before.

This wasn't the same.

The black kitten let out a yowl as she bit down through his ear, tearing out a chunk of it before releasing him.

“Leave,” she panted, chest rising and falling rapidly as a tang of iron hit the back of her throat.

The kitten raced out the room, ear leaving spots of red in his wake.

She glanced challengingly at the other members of the crèche and spat out a small chunk of the other cat's ear.

They all went back to practising standing.

She turned to Badge, replying to his earlier words.

“We'll be fine.”

It took about ten minutes of practising for Badge to give up.

“Hurts,” Badge moaned, sitting back on their haunches.

Emily pushed her front paws off the wall again, teetering on her hind legs briefly before dropping back down to all fours.

She leant over, grooming a bit of hair that stuck up behind their ear. “Practice makes less hurt.”

Badge flopped onto their side. “Need rest.”

Emily sat down next to him, muscles still tense from earlier.

Heavy pawsteps sounded behind her and Emily panicked slightly as Majesty sat down next to her.

“Kid, I heard you beat up Rex. Is that true?” The tabby asked.

Emily's tail protectively rested over Badge as she replied. “He was mean to Badge.”

The leader let out a bark of laughter. “I like you kid, you've got spunk. Come straight to me once you learn to stand. I'll set you up with a nice job on the surface.”

“The surface?” Emily parroted.

Majesty nodded, brushing the side of his jacket briefly. “Yeah. Down here we don't get the sun or plants or the sky. But up there you've got opportunities galore! Oceans, deserts, cities, the moon! So much food you'd never go hungry again.”

Emily stared hopefully up at him, wishing that what he was saying was true.

The surface sounded like paradise.

“But- it all depends on you learning to stand. So you better be quick about that, okay? I'll even let you take the little one up there with you once they can stand.”

The tabby stood, stretching slightly before leaving.

Emily flicked her gaze to Badge’s sleeping form and Majesty's words rang in her head.Never go hungry again.

Emily gritted her teeth and walked back towards the wall.

She would learn to stand.

After all, she'd come here to help feed Badge.

Weeks passed.

Emily mastered standing and Badge soon followed suit.

But it wasn't without price.

Emily remembered her words as they sat together in front of Majesty.

“If you stand, we can see Claw.”

It was rotten but it seemed to be the only way to motivate the younger kitten.

The way Badge had beamed up at her once they could stand made her feel even worse.

“Alright, we need to set you up somewhere you can learn how to talk more,” Majesty said, drumming his claws on his desk.

Majesty's office was cold, the walls a mix of concrete and corrugated metal.

The floor was coated with plush red carpet, dark wooden furniture mostly up against the walls.

The leader was alternating between scrolling on his phone and clicking away at the computer on his desk.

The fluorescent lights above them hummed with electricity.

Emily's tail flicked to curl over Badge's spin, subtly nudging them closer.

“I could send you to school but that place is full of annoying little brats. And you'd get expelled for starting fights,” Majesty explained before pausing and giving Emily a levelled look. “That's rule number one. No starting fights. Or joining fights. If I don't give you permission to fight, don't do it.”

Emily nodded and Badge copied the movement.

The tabby paused his scrolling before a smile broke out across his face. “Oh that could be useful. Learn how to talk and it will help develop your lying skills.”

The cat muttered to himself before letting out a small purr.

“Congrats kids. You're going to be part of a theatre group.”

“Theatre group…?” Badge said.

Majesty grinned. “You'll learn to act! It will also help with memorisation, lying, mimicking… Peck, this could lead to some good exploitational skills.”

Emily understood about half of what he was saying.

“I have high hopes for you two.”

Emily's fur stood on end as she stood in the hall beside Badge, the smaller kitten practically sticking to her side in the room of birds and cats.

She bristled even further when a reddish coloured owl walked up to them.

“Hi!”

Emily had spotted her earlier, walking around and introducing herself to everyone else there.

“Who are you?” The owl asked, smiling at them.

She seemed fairly nice, despite how glaringly brightly coloured clothes were.

“Emily,” the cat hesitantly replied.

The owl nodded and turned to Badge. “And you?”

“Badge,” Emily replied for them, worried about how wide-eyed they seemed to be.

“Can we be friends?” Scarlett asked, suddenly seeming shyer. “Um, no one else here seems to want to be friends with me.”

Emily blinked blankly, taking a moment to process.

“Friends?”

“Mhm.”

Scarlett moved to hold her arms close to her chest, shifting nervously from one foot to another.

She was just as nervous as they were.

“Okay. Friends,” Emily decided.

Scarlett seemed to brighten again, features stretching as she grinned.

“Really?”

Emily turned to Badge, nudging them. “This is Scarlett. Friend.”

The kitten still seemed shook-up but managed a quick hello.

“Where do you live?” Scarlett asked, sitting down on the floor.

Emily coaxed Badge to sit down before also joining them. “Not here.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, where do you stay?”

Emily's head tilted to the side.

“Do you want to stay with me?”

They didn't have to report back to Majesty for three days.

And she didn't fancy going back to alleyways.

“Please,” she whispered.

Scarlett nodded. “Mummy won't mind much. She'll be happy I have friends.”

The owl’s face fell slightly.

“That's why I'm here.”

She seemed to remember something and brightened up.

“Have you ever watched Cinderella?”

“What?”

“We can watch it this evening.”

They continued to chat until Badge piped up.

“Can we see Claw now?”

Scarlett looked between the black kitten and the grey and white kitten.

“Who's Claw?”

Emily dipped her head to speak quietly to Badge.

“He asked to play a game. He's hiding. We'll find him soon.”

She straightened back up to address Scarlett. “No one.”

Scarlett seemed sceptical but continued their conversation.

Emily's heart hurt.

She wasn't sure why.

But why couldn't Claw be here?

[jennycalendar]

"Buffy, would you do the honors?” Buffy gave Rupert a flat look. “You’re gonna have to be more specific than that.” “The—” Rupert gestured, forgetting that he was still holding Jenny’s hand, and let go of it somewhat apologetically. Jenny grabbed it back again. “Well—you know. Into every generation—” “Oh!” said Buffy. “So you’re talking about the thing I said that you should tell your wife, and then you were like absolutely not, Buffy, that’s a terrible idea? And then I was like wow, keeping secrets sounds like a great way to sustain a marriage, and you were like this isn’t any of your business, except now you’re making it my business because you want me to tell her? You are a paragon of consistency, Giles.”

BOY. this took a second! i have been having The Worst Summer, unfortunately, but i've gotten a break from The Horrors for a little while and i decided to use it to (finally, finally, finally!) finish this silly little darling of a fic. i hope these finishing chapters are more than worth the wait!

thank you, so much, to all who have followed along and left reviews! i'm going to be trying to reply to some of them soon, but just know as a placeholder that it made me so happy to see this fic enjoyed. it's been a minute since i worked on a project that's just uncomplicated romantic silliness. (and, yes, it got emotional sometimes, but when placed next to some of my OTHER multi-chapter fics...)

here, btw, is the playlist of carly rae jepsen songs that i made in order to title every chapter of this fic, now public and accessible! furthering my "jenny calendar would love crj" agenda, one fic at a time.

[ceilingfan5]

Can I have author's choice bonus content please? Because I am bad at decisions but I wanna hear the secret brain spaghetti.

let's do run away with me!!

the working title was Long Haul, and the document is still named that, which means it took me ten minutes to find. the document has 69 pages btw

the chapters being carly rae jepsen song lines was a literal last minute decision, i ended up picking one every time i had to post a new chapter and it was terrible lol, one time i realized i used one twice and had to sneaky edit it really fast

Here are the original chapter titles:

yes i always pull this bullshit with chapter titles

Kravitz's family's mug collection is based on my mug collection + i had a lot of fun choosing garyl's bumper stickers

i love raven and istus so much by the way, i might make my fic for the sapphic week thing about them. they are simply krav's moms i do not know what to tell you.

my favorite part was Escalating their bullshit, i spent so much time on horrible wedding obsession websites looking for terrible lines

also i made up the thundermen song, of course, for some reason it always surprises people i like to make my own song lyrics? my guys i am one hyperfixation away from fully becoming a lyricist or something, i will pull this nonsense so easily, especially when i get to rhyme, fuck yeah

also i wrote this fic while i was going insane in lockdown, teaching first grade was basically a joke "online" and i had nothing to do and i was going Crazy. i also crocheted a HUGE and very heavy rainbow blanket, and did a diamond painting i later threw away, and i pretty much cycled between eating and sleepying and these three hobbies from st patricks day until like, june

[stares at the horizon]

immediately after i started posting it i was hit with the most powerful fucking What Now, also

[weather-mood]

Just talk to me about is this too much talk to me directors cut about whatever you choose. Talk to me. TALK TO ME BRIIIII.

Let me talk about 'Too Much' by one of the queens of pop Carly Rae Jepsen!!!! Because the ITTM fic was initially inspired by two things! This text post about 'what if Louis had said no' and the song 'Too Much'.

'Is this too much?' Obvious lyric for obvious reasons:

Everything in the church being too overwhelming, being too much to say yes at the moment but not being too much for Louis to completely walk away. 

Lestat worrying that he’s too monstrous, that he’s too much for someone to love him and stay with him. 

Louis’s concerns about wanting too much, wanting and desiring in ways and intensities that he’s worried will hurt the people around him or damn him in some way.

But other! important! lyrics!

'Am I bad for you?' (Louis worrying about maintaining a relationship with Grace)

'Cause I live for the fire, and the rain, and the drama too, boy' (Lestat)

'And it feels like you never say what you want' (BIG 'Ask Me (Again)' chapter inspo)'

'When I feel it, then I feel it too much' (everybody! everyone has a lot of feelings)

'When I'm thinking, then I'm thinking too much' (Louis, baby)

'I'll do anything to get to the rush' (Chapter 9 title)

'And did you know that I'm wild for your skin' (... chapter 9)

'Cause if I love you, then I love you too much' (Loustat vibes tbh)

[elliesgaymachete]

1 for the writers meme :)

Ooh thank you!

Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.

Uhhh incomplete 😅 no I jest, even though it’s true. I definitely gravitate more toward AUs when I’m writing, I think it’s just a lot of fun to plop characters in totally different circumstances and see what happens!

A ~typical~ fic from me is probably a fluffy AU with anywhere from 1-6 chapters where they don’t get together until close to the end word count is probably at most around 30k and the title is from a carly rae jepsen song

[lynsburner]

omg no i had not heard the whole thing .. nvm erase what i said that song is the OPPOSITE of andy/lovely core im so sorry 😭😭😭

it wasn’t too “um actually☝️🤓” at all tbh, i didn’t even know about any of that, so tysm for explaining it so thoroughly!

but i have to be fr, i haven’t heard a single carly rae jepsen song outside of call me maybe back in high school im so sorry 😭

and YESSS no plan has always been my fav song ever and it’s one of only three songs that make it onto every playlist i make, regardless of majority genre. i loved it so much already, and now i have your fics to connect it to as well! so many positives im thriving fr 😌

<3

Bestie... I have to unfortunately tell you it gOT WORSE. There's a bridge that has been in the live performances and not in the original tik tok and I accidentally heard it (via another tik tok, what a 2023 statement) and.. well... no one better look at me funny on the 23rd!!!!!

But yeah. It's Circle 9. It's going to wreck us all.

Anyway... back to the question at hand. Yeah, "No Plan" is truly so fucking good. It's S tier, 10/10, 5 stars, would listen again. Thank you for that original prompt. I was honestly quite hesitant to avoid connecting real things to the story (like, I do not know this man! I do not know a single thing about his personality other than him maybe getting a bit ™) but ehh I already added the nyc residency towards the end so why the fuck not? We are living our best lives here!!!!

Also, I recommend listening to Emotion (and side b!) because it is truly a pop masterpiece (I am a big pop music fan. Hozier is almost my exception tbh, but I do love most genres of music! I am just a pop girly to my core!), but if you don't like that stuff, at least give "Western Wind" a listen. To quote @icanttakethemonmyown , "She yassified Hozier's "Nobody"!" And she's right!!!! The intros are SIMILIAR!

I also heard "Call Me Maybe" in high school but then my friend showed me Emotion my senior year of college and my life basically changed. Kind of like how I only heard TMTC (and I think someone new??? I definitely heard that in a few coffee shops) but finally dived into Hozier's stuff in 2019 right after Wasteland, Baby! came out and, again, brain chemistry truly altered.

Sorry for this being... so fucking long as always. I truly do not shut the fuck up. Again, ask Anje. She has heard so many voice messages of me just going on about silly things (mostly to do with Andrew, but also other, sillier things).

If It makes you feel better, I have jumped ahead to write the final chapter of the thing I'm currently working on. I will fill in the 6 in-between later, I swear (The first three chapters are also done!) Here's a little taste:

The tentative title is "Hell is a Talking Type" but we shall see...

He's kind of a dick in this one. But that's ok! He'll be nice, eventually! But I hope this gives you a chuckle!

Have a good day/afternoon/night my friend <3

[banditchika]

fanfic writer ask: 13, 15, 17!

13. How much planning do you do before writing?

honestly, not a lot! it depends on the fic, but i usually just start with an idea for a scene i want to write, and try to begin the fic w something punchy to lead up to that scene or just freestyle the scene and see where it goes. i used to do rough outlines, and i still do for fic i know i'm going to struggle a little more with, but sometimes i feel like the outline inhibits me from following interesting new directions as they come up. then again, sometimes those fascinating new twists lead me down nothing but dead ends...

15. How do you come up with titles for your fics/chapters?

i listen to a carly rae jepsen song and pray <3 i also run onto discord and start banging on doors until the besties and i can crowdsource something. its a pretty good method! in all honesty, i wanna start moving away from song lyric titles bc for a lot of my fics, i just kind of slap on what works, but they don't necessarily always convey what's actually going on, or lend themselves to memorable titles. idk man titling is hard

17. What’s something you’ve learned about while doing research for a fic?

the last thing i looked up was a diagram of the hand because i wanted to double-check what people are talking about when they talk about the first knuckle, second knuckle, third knuckle... but i don't REMEMBER what i learned!! due to my recent interests though i guess i've compiled a lotta information about octopuses and squids, as well as various kinds of fish. this will surely be valuable in the future

[saglaophonos]

its hard to retroactively enjoy emotion now as the pop phenomenon it was in 2015 so i will concede my usual opinion and say dedicated is better specifically for a first timer. carly rae jepsen is pure pop so you’ll know if you like it like maddie said probably within the first couple of songs. don’t listen to to the “this is crj playlist” that spotify generates either cause it sucks for some reason

for hdwtotl key songs to me are: too much, real love, lets get lost, the loneliest time, shadow, & aeroplanes, some of which we have used as chapter titles but not all of them yet. oh and everything he needs is probably the title for the infamous chapter 10. lol.

Let’s say someone (me) was reading and love love loving HDWTOTL…and that this someone (also me) has had a sad neglect of Carly Rae Jepsen in her musical education: where would you suggest beginning my listening journey?

(seriously it’s a fabulous fic, thank you)

no, thank you!! and omg okay personally i would begin with her album dedicated. i think it’s her best, it really represents her scope as an artist and it’s just a really really good album. dedicated side b is also awesome. then i’d take a trip to her earlier album emotion which you’ll probably recognize some songs off of. it’s way more pop and just ridiculously fun. kiss is even more pop and more fun and you’ll recognize even more songs off of. after that it’s up to you to continue or not! her newest album called the loveliest time is great, way more mellow and (to me) much better than the loneliest time, the partner album which is my least favorite along with tug of war but still offer some bops

so to summarize i’d say dedication a and b along with emotion will give you a firm idea on carly as an artist and if you’d want to continue listening to the other recommendations or not! if you’re not vibing with her by then you probably won’t get much out of the other albums honestly

@saglaophonos char is the one that’s been picking out the songs and lyrics for each chapter though so she might differ in opinion but offer way more carly rae jomens insight than i have

[cool-island-songs]

7 and 19 for the writing meme owo

7. If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

It's looking very eclectic rn, Rooster. Idk if there is a most pulled from artist, but I use lyrics for every single chapter title and most fic titles because I simply cannot name things. It's an impossible task for me and I hate it.

Ok actually I went through all my titles and chapter titles and this is what I've got so far, so Fiona wins:

Elliott Smith (x2), Tommy Genesis, Bauhaus, Fiona Apple (x4), Neutral Milk Hotel, Jclef, Depeche Mode, Portishead (x2), Ministry, SZA, Melanie Martinez don’t judge me leave me alone, Bettye Crutcher, Carly Rae Jepsen, Dinosaur Jr., My Bloody Valentine, Sonic Youth, Allie X (x2), SOPHIE, Cibo Matto, 10cc

me af at all times

19. What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

Oh, honestly, like every pairing. Twenny is my second fave after Creek rn so for sure some Twenny and I have two Creekenny fics in the works I'm excited about. But I want to write every ship I have any thoughts on whatsoever. It takes time because I spend a while thinking about new characters/dynamics before writing them.

Probably overly self-conscious/who cares, but I never want people to think the way I write a ship at a given time is how I see them in any fixed capacity. It's just what I'm interested in exploring at that moment with two fake guys. Fanfic is fun because you can explore so many different things with your fiction dolls

[epersonae]

I promised a couple of people in the comments that I would write up my thoughts on the relationship between for the benefit of all the broken hearts and the Carly Rae Jepsen album The Loneliest Time, and as a way of dealing with some wicked writer's block, here it is. (below the cut, because long, and I know only a few followers/mutuals are likely to be interested. also: spoilers for my fic, if you are interested in it but haven't read/finished.)

fwiw, even if you have no interest in this particular fic, I highly recommend the album, it's great!

So I wrote most of this fic while listening to this album: I was looking for some good background music, I wanted some pop music, and I had listened to it once and thought it was pretty good, so I put it on. And THEN it turns out most of the album hits the Themes and Motifs I was playing with, and I became obsessed. (Tidal continues to let me know, month after month, just how obsessed.) And CRJ became an ingredient in the character I was writing, which turned into a great feedback loop of the music and the aesthetic and getting sent interviews, which fed back into the character, etc etc etc.

As I was writing, I ended up with the headcanon that this album is sort of/mostly/not entirely/in a parallel dimension the album that the unnamed protagonist is working on throughout the story. Which in the story, she's written about half an album, quite a bit of which is about her relationship with Ed, and then she's inspired to write new songs by the events of the story itself. In my head, that works with the songs in the real album in the real world, because I think of them as three categories.

I will say that sometimes songs move around in categories in my head, or I've thought about their relationship to the story in different ways over time, which is part of the experience of mostly listening to a single album for seven months. (Apologies to my neighbors, I guess? Or anyone who has ridden in my car.)

Songs that have nothing to do with the story

If this is the album in the story, these are songs she wrote before the story that are not related to her relationships, they're just songs.

Beach House - although a song like this is directly referenced, I think a couple of times? She redirects the interview in the final scene by talking about something like it, a song inspired by terrible online dating experiences, which I think is something I heard in a CRJ interview about Beach House.

Bends (which is apparently a song CRJ wrote about grief from losing a family member) - the chorus is very vibes but it doesn't hit anything in particular

Western Wind - likewise vibes but not story

Shooting Star - I do love this song, but yeah, not part of the story

Pre-WFU (or at least pre-story) songs about Ed

These are also songs she came into the studio with, but they are specific to her relationship with Ed, and a particular conception of them that she has in her head. I am agnostic about whether she wrote them entirely before WFU, or in the gap during/after when she didn't know about those events.

So Nice - this is the song re: Ed; it's the song she can't quite get in the studio after meeting Mary, the song she remembers writing while watching him, the song she can finally record properly after things are more resolved. (Yeah there is a direct reference, I happened to be writing a particular bit of chapter 9 while it was playing, and decided to do something silly.) This song inspired a lot of how I thought about her feelings about Ed, too.

Surrender My Heart (this is the song that gave me the title) - altho this one I can sometimes see either way, as something she came in with or as something she wrote as it happened?

Sideways

No Thinking Over The Weekend

Songs from the story

These are the songs that she writes over the course of the story, and that as I listened to them, had extra resonance for writing the story. Some of them I associate strongly with particular chapters or sections, or I have strong visuals in my head for them. I tend to imagine her writing them as if thinking from the perspectives of the other characters, too.

Bad Thing Twice - if listening to "So Nice" is the "oh this is her and Ed's song" breakthrough moment in my writing process, this is the "HEY IT'S A WFU SONG" that cemented this album as going with this story. It works so well it's a little spooky tbh. Sometimes I think of it as Ed to Stede or vice versa, but it's also tasty to think of it with her and Mary too.

Talking to Yourself - late in the draft process I solidified that this is the first of the songs that she writes over the course of the story, the couplet that comes to her while taking a break from recording. I tend to think of it also as Ed to Stede, and something of the vibes that she's absorbed from that first chapter with Ed and then from talking to Mary and briefly encountering Stede.

Joshua Tree - speaking of Mary, this is THE song for her and Mary, which is partially the painting references, partially the California driving vibes, partially the lines "California dreaming's never what it seems/But here it comes, I know what I must do now".

Go Find Yourself or Whatever - so I have this scene in my head that I will probably never write, of the foursome sometime after the story going out to karaoke, and ofc some of her songs are there, and Ed and Mary sing this as a duet while staring directly at Stede, who is attempting to disappear under a table.

Keep Away - conversely, this is very much Stede's song, all the way through, and I'm always [bites fist] about "I'm keeping company [...] with all the friends I got from you" in the context of Roach being part of the comedy show scene.

Far Away - not a strong association, but it makes me think of her realizing that she hasn't really known Ed, and in some ways wanting to start over. So a little bit chapter 1, even, and a little bit chapter 10, I think.

Anxious - I think I rotated this through lots of different feelings, and eventually settled on the whole chapter 13 situation, and Ed and Mary, and it's something about the energy of it and also "ooh, boy, you've got a reputation"

Special category: The Loneliest Time

There's two aspects to this: in the story, she's writing it in chapter 11 specifically, so between Berlin and Los Angeles, and it's a duet, and I got to bring in some ambiguous famous male singer (theories and headcanons welcome) that is a bit of a foil and context for her in that and in the following chapters in the recording studio.

But also, at some point very early on, it struck me that if I did this thing successfully -- that is to say, if I fixed it in a way that I personally would recognize as fixed, it would feel like the way The Loneliest Time sounds.

By which I mean: something about the interweaving of the vocals and the depth of the sound and the chord progressions (I think? it has been 1000 years since I did anything with music) and the lyrics and the whole vibe of it. Something about it feels like a resolution, even if it's not perfect or final, it's settled into a new place, one that's hopeful, and that's what I wanted to get to.

(For a while, I thought that if I was able to land it, I would title the fic "The Loneliest Time", but it didn't quite fit - when I made the series for it and A secret third thing and the missing scenes fic I'm working/posting/block on, I decided it works for the set as a whole.)

As a final thought, one of the things I appreciate about this album in relationship to this story is that the songs don't appear to be in a story order. There's no particular story arc or narrative or even necessarily direct relationship between any of the songs. And that worked with the idea that comes up in the final chapter: "It’s not one to one. The story you’re telling isn’t always your story exactly as it is." And before that, when she thinks about putting the music out into the world and it become part of other people's stories.

There's something about that, and about how this story relates to a lot of personal things in a similarly non-linear way, that makes this album feel even more connected to this story.

[ao3feed-zukka]

you kissed me like a sunrise

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/EyK4G1i

by nobamakii

“Kiss me,” says Sokka.

(reasons to not kiss sokka, and reasons to kiss sokka, in zuko’s eyes.)

Words: 2291, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Sokka (Avatar), Zuko (Avatar)

Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)

Additional Tags: Inspired by Yes & No by Natalie Wee, Post-Canon, Title from a Carly Rae Jepsen Song, First Kiss, love !!!! the love was there guys, maybe a, Character Study

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/EyK4G1i

[applejuiz]

I’m finally writing the Steve x Nancy chapter for come home to my heart and created an official playlist for it, so now I’m making it everyone else’s problem:

Supercut — Lorde

I mean I titled the fic after this song for a reason, it’s THE post-breakup regret anthem, but special credit goes to the chorus:

Halloween — Phoebe Bridgers

It’s a song about a relationship on it’s last legs celebrating Halloween, what else was I supposed to do! The lyrics are a surprising fit throughout. Plus the whole outro of the ‘whatever you want’ motif fits exactly with how at the party, Nancy is trying to be the version of herself that Steve wants her to be (or at least that she thinks he wants her to be).

This Love — Taylor Swift

Literally this is their season 4 song. “You showed up just in time” are you kidding me?? Every line is perfect, like I can’t even highlight any in particular, it’s all so good.

Tell Me How — Paramore

Mostly just the first two lines because it’s literally one of the most heartbreaking lyrics I’ve ever heard in my life. Hayley Williams, why would you do this to me?

Never Get to Hold You — Carly Rae Jepsen

It would not be a playlist of mine without CRJ. Simple, but so gorgeous.

When I Needed You - Carly Rae Jepsen

This song is objectively perfect as a song, though a slightly more depressing take on their relationship than I’d ultimately prefer. However, half the fun of this ship for me is the drama and angst and messiness, so a little bitterness about their troubled past is great for flavor.

Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince — Taylor Swift

I don’t think I actually know what this song is about, but I don’t care, the title is great and the version in my head is better. For me the easiest interpretation is through a season 1 lens, with Nancy as Miss Americana and Steve as the titular Heartbreak Prince.

The Chain — Fleetwood Mac

What? A song released before 2015 by someone other than a pop girlie? I’m surprised too. Honestly Rumors is maybe a perfect Steve x Nancy x Jonathan album because they’re such a hot angsty mess. But special mention goes to this song for being perfect.

Comeback — Carly Rae Jepsen

I can’t help it that Carly Rae Jepsen writes perfect songs about yearning. She does and I love every one.

Okay, I’ve run out of steam and pictures, but here’s some other songs of note: Never Really Over — Katy Perry, cardigan — Taylor Swift, the 1 — Taylor Swift, Jackie and Wilson — Hozier, Cry — Carly Rae Jepsen, and so many more, I’ve spent too much time thinking about this.

Anyway, I hope this was fun for anyone but me!