#the three she had plus teh two others she made to try and get away from the theft

[blindtaleteller]

tags. and a bit of a story in them about dA, who pulled the same thing with their galleries back when. AI is art theft, plain and simple.

Since these people are a literal plague for the art community, and everyone should be warned about them, here's a funny infuriating thing that happened not even five minutes ago:

So, this is a sketch I posted on Twitter, just to post something since it's been dead silent for a while...

And this is what this utter genius did.

If anyone has a Twitter account, I suggest you to block them.

And if they perhaps have a Tumblr account and someone finds out about it, please let me know so I'll block them on here as well.

[0reblogufufu0]

Spoilers Ahead For IPYTM Finale!

Time for the end to this insane ride! Pumped and full of so many feelings of not wanting to let this series go, IPYTM and ITSAY, knowing there will be no season three of continuation and that this is it, but I feel so lucky to have gotten into this series and been along for the good and the bad!  Let’s watch episode five!

Immediately already in the first couple minutes we get a lot of contrast here from the ending of the last episode. Last time, things ended on a very somber note, with both Teh and Oh-aew struggling with their break up. But, here, having time skipped over to their senior year, the first thing we see is a lot of thriving while we’re on Oh-aew’s side.  He’s successful in school as well as in his internship, leading already to other options for him once he graduates, and the scene we get with his friends, is light-hearted as they all lament their tiredness from the work of it all. But, it’s obvious there’s a satisfaction in the work, things have definitely gotten better since last time. Also, the flashcards from ITSAY made an appearance! I always love to see the call backs (though I waited the entire time to see a call back to Oh-aew’s nose thing, and it never did, so a bit disappointed) Something that really solidifies the difference between now and then is Oh-aew’s reaction to Teh, as well as their status as exes. It’s not bitter or hung up, but genuinely happy seeing him succeed enough to be getting TV interviews about his projects, and he says he’s Teh’s ex to his friends without it seeming at all rough, like it’s totally in the past now. It’s really sweet, because the smile Oh-aew gives is so soft you’d think there was nothing between the two that was at all negative.  He’s really grown. But it also goes to show that after everything that happened Oh-aew’s feelings for Teh didn’t divulge into hatred, he’s still wishes him the best and wants him to thrive. But, oh my gosh how that contrasts with Teh’s condition is so great. Like, while Oh-aew is feeling more himself than he ever has, relishing in the life he’d always sought to have, even if some pieces had to be knocked out of place to achieve it, everything is falling apart for Teh in a way he can’t run from this time. When we meet him in his dressing room, just the coloring of the frame shows you the difference. Oh-aew’s space with his friends is vibrant, soft, and bright, while Teh’s is sort of dim, filled with neutral colors and soft lights. He talks with Top about feeling like he doesn’t want to do anything anymore, not his acting work nor his thesis which he’s struggling to come up with an idea for, and it’s a really big deal because Teh’s one consistent aspiration has always been chasing acting as far as he can, but now he’s achieved a relative fame and wants to take a break because the feeling is so not right. He says he feels like he’s missing something, and it’s obvious not just from last episode but from the conversation he has with Oh-aew later that it’s their relationship. Before, even if things were in shambles and changing, Teh could always turn back to Oh-aew being there with him, even if sometimes that was what was so overwhelming was turning back to face his boyfriend who kept on changing, Oh-aew was never missing in his core, but now that he’s basically entirely by himself with nothing feeling good for him to accomplish or strive towards, he feels how important that was now more than ever. I just gotta say wow to the scenes where Teh and Oh-aew meet again for the first time, there’s so much in it just with mannerisms or the way they speak. Oh-aew speaks with confidence, he answers Teh’s questions quickly when he asks them and doesn’t stutter or pause when he goes to ask some of his own. When he talks about Teh’s life he sounds and feels genuinely curious and happy for him in a way he really only can because he’s so sure of himself in it. He knows how he feels, how he felt, how he’s grown from then and that it’s time to move on, and he’s taken steps to do that. He’s really become his own person and it looks great on him. Meanwhile, Teh is awkward, averts his eyes whenever things hit too close to their past and dances around asking what he really wants to ask Oh-aew with stammers or lead on questions (like when he says Oh-aew can bring a plus one to Hoon’s wedding to see if he has a new boyfriend). It always feels like he’s kind of waiting for Oh-aew to say something to let him know he’s still thinking about him, that he feels how Teh does. But, Oh-aew speaks to Teh like they’re old friends, all the while Teh’s eyes linger on Oh-aew when he leaves, when he speaks, he leans in to sniff him when his head is down and he’s desperate to stay with him for as long as he can. It’s obvious what this has done to Teh and watching Oh-aew deny him what he’s looking for makes you feel pity for Teh and proud of Oh-aew all at the same time. It’s super great to watch when the facade breaks sometimes, though. Because, you can definitely see that some of Oh-aew’s confidence is definitely fake it till you make it type. He’s unsure at first whenever Teh makes his way into his space, and you can see how he still isn’t entirely ready or prepared to talk about relationships again with Teh, especially so when it’s revealed Teh broke up with his girlfriend weeks ago because they didn’t share the same thoughts anymore. I also think you can see it in their relationship status’. Though Teh isn’t in a relationship anymore, he’d opened himself up to someone else (though I think it was a Jai thing again, where it was just to have something to cling to which was familiar), while Oh-aew is single, turning away any chance of relationship (even when his friend hints to subtly liking him) even while he acts as though he is over Teh. It brings up bitter memories and Oh-aew ends up going deep into scolding Teh for not having fought harder for her or changed himself some to fit her when she couldn’t for him, it’s all spoken like he’s asking Teh why he didn’t do those things for him, like he’s telling him what exactly he wanted Teh to do for him when things got hard instead of what happened. But things ends on a warm note for their meeting, even if it’s obvious their both healing, they’re definitely not in any way holding resentment for the other, but rather a regret that seems to hang over both their heads for how things turned out, or a disappointment. Now, I just want to say, the play thing was a bad idea. Not just for showing to Oh-aew but also the play just seemed so bland? Like a spoken autobiography lacking a ton of context, I’m not sure Teh is passing with that work. But, for Teh, too, it was such a bad idea to force all that on Oh-aew. He thought it would be like a apology to Oh-aew through the play, that he’d be able to convey all his feelings in a way that wouldn’t have to be spoken recklessly in the moment and that Oh-aew would be able to understand him better, but again, he’s acting selfishly. He’s thinking about what he wants Oh-aew to see, what he wants him to hear, to understand and to even feel towards him but he never thinks maybe Oh-aew doesn’t have feelings for him anymore, or doesn’t want to get back together even if he does. Teh has spent all his waking hours feeling like something is missing without Oh-aew then becomes completely enamored with him all over again when they meet in person for the first time, it’s hard for him to believe Oh-aew hasn’t spent as much time on him as he has on Oh-aew, that he didn’t want everything to turn out differently and for them to still be together. But, Oh-aew has spent his time away from Teh trying his best to move on from him, to work himself into a place he can be happy for himself and for Teh without having those things be exclusive or his memories bitter, he’d been focusing on his gains and relishing in them, all up until Teh comes to crash the party with his presence and Oh-aew struggles not to fall back into him and what they had before, what he felt before when it ended. Still, he shows up to support Teh on his play when he receives a ticket, he’s being supportive and isn’t pushing Teh away or forcing the past on him when they meet, still, Teh forces his feelings on Oh-aew, what he felt again seeing him for the first time, his regrets, his struggles, and it’s all selfish even if he frames it in a way of wanting to make up to Oh-aew. He obviously doesn’t mean it as such, but it is the truth of the matter. It takes little for him to go back into the relationship because Oh-aew didn’t hurt him. He doesn’t have to make the decision to trust him again, trust his love, trust what he says about him because that was never a doubt for him, but Oh-aew has to think about those things in order to open himself up again. Bas was so cute when he showed up I screamed silently into the night because he is so baby faced I just want to squish his cheeks and hug him! He comes back to serve as some advice for Oh-aew on whether or not to take Teh back after he tells Teh he doesn’t want to get back together in the parking lot during the play. They talk about whether or not things can get better if you get back together after a break up and if Oh-aew’s feelings for Teh are good enough to warrant them getting back together or if there’s something better for him out there, whether he should allow Teh to ‘win’ by seeing he is still hung up over him or if moving on is better for his own sake. It’s short, but I’m just glad we get to see Bas. The scene feels weird a little, since we just saw Oh-aew having such an emotional reaction to the question of getting back together and now he is considering it, but I think it can be tied up to his feelings coming crashing down on him after he meets Teh again after all that time and even more so once he has to relive the failure of their relationship, so he’s stuck and conflicted with all these feelings on hand. This feeling of the revelation not exactly feeling right lasts all the way to the end, when they do get back together, because though it’s been built to for a little, we don’t even get the entire episode for it because they had so much to do this finale. But, okay, whatever, alright, I can’t stay mad at it. I love Oh-aew, I love Teh, I love ITSAY, I love IPYTM, there are flaws in all of those, but I love them still, I’m happy we got a happy ending, really. I was happy to see Teh’s mom again and Hoon, because they’re both a delight, was glad to see Teh’s friends and Khim making an appearance at the end, too. There are many upsets with how things padded out in them getting back together, especially the scene where it all comes together, because though I like Teh listening to Oh-aew, it skims over a lot of the issues we see reoccuring from before in this episode, so who can say if their relationship will be okay from here or not. I personally feel they may break up again but will not be able to stay from one another, so they may not be able to actually settle down until they’re old and grey and know each other best to avoid what has caused them trouble time and time again. Anyway, this was a ride and I definitely won’t stop talking about this forever, but yeah, it was the end! Goodbye to the crew, and the show, I’m gonna miss them so much and will think of them every time I play Skyline on my kalimba (it hits so different hearing the song this episode knowing how to play it now) and eat anything with coconuts or smell them, or see red and blue, or draw the sunset or when there’s a full moon or their songs come up on my playlist. I’ve accomplished a lot because of this series, accomplished a lot during, and I appreciate it so much. I always give so much grief to people blinded by nostalgia, but this is my exception, because I will always think positively of this series despite it all. Good bye! I am going to miss making time for this on thursdays and writing these at ungodly times of the morning! Thank you to all who worked on the series and read these reviews, I’ll miss it all! <3

[1-800-roflmao]

Wash Day Delight Pt. 2

Fandom: Undertale (Video Game)

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Warnings Apply

Relationships: Papyrus (Undertale)/Reader, Papyrus (Undertale) & Reader

Characters: Papyrus (Undertale), Reader, Original Characters, Original Female Character(s), Mentions of other AU Papyri and Sans

Additional Tags: Reader Is Not Frisk (Undertale), Reader Is Not Chara (Undertale), reader is poc, reader is mixed, Reader has curly hair, Undertale Monsters on the Surface, Friendship, Wholesome, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, I’m Bad At Summaries, Not Beta Read

*Anyone else have that one curl that is your favorite?  Like you just can’t stop messing with it?  Also, promise the other skeletons will be joining in soon.  For now, enjoy some fluff. 

PREVIOUS || NEXT

As soon as she heard the bell above her door ring and the door settle closed with a click, she was rushing around her office tidying up and filing paperwork.  She knew Papyrus would not waste any time if he could help it.  She only hoped he took it easy on the little old woman.  She had a feeling Mrs. Ida was tougher than she looked, but considering this was only their first meeting, she couldn’t help thinking she looked as fragile as a porcelain doll.  “Please don’t break my client, Papi,” she pleaded, shutting and locking the last drawer on her desk for the day. 

Her business was still small so she didn’t have any need for filing cabinets just yet, but it had been picking up.  Most of her clients were elderly, which was to be expected when one dealt with wills, funerals, and burials.  She wished more young people thought of wills.  A properly notarised and established will could ease the mind, not only because it dictated what happens to your earthly possessions after death.  No, a will could make sure your body and memory is honored how you wished despite you no longer being there.  She had witnessed one too many funerals that were practically an insult; honestly, some it would have been less offensive to simply spit on the dead’s grave.  

Just as she felt her brows pinching, she huffed and closed her eyes as she took in a few calming breaths.  It does no one any good getting mad on her own.  A little snort escaped her at that thought.  Her getting “mad on her own” was the catalyst for her to start her own business.  “ANGER IS NOT INHERENTLY BAD.  IT IS JUST HOW YOU DIRECT IT!”  She made a mental note to thank a certain tall, pointy skeleton in her life for those words.  She sent a mental thank you to his therapist as well. 

 As her mind jumped from one subject to the next, her hands and feet had stayed moving.  By the time she zoned back in, she had finished tidying up and sanitizing the office.   “Bad habit there,” she muttered, tossing the soiled paper towel into the bin tucked underneath her desk.  A quick peek inside determined it wasn’t nearly full enough to toss and nothing in the bin would smell or pose a hazard.  It could go another day.  

Peeking at the clock as she locked the windows and pulled the curtains closed, she noted it had been only a couple minutes.  Papyrus wasn’t back yet, surprisingly.  She should be thankful as that means he didn’t rush and possibly her client wouldn’t be recovering from whiplash.  She swears that skeleton could give a cheetah a run for its money.  What’s terrifying is he is not even the fastest of the monsters she has met.  Monsters were something else.

A couple minutes later and she had finished all her closing tasks: office locked up, hall and waiting area swept and wiped down, the last of the windows curtained, and furniture and often touched places sanitized.  She’d even given the guest bathroom a quick clean up and gathered the dirty mugs and empty plate from the little refreshment corner she provided for clients waiting.  Slipping her phone from her pocket, she checked the time with a quick double tap.  Goodness, had Mrs. Ida parked that far down?  Maybe she didn’t like parallel parking on these streets and instead parked in one of the hidden lots just off teh main road?  Or had the two gotten lost?  

A bubble of anxious energy caught in her throat as her mind jumped to the possibility that they were in trouble.  She forced herself to take a breath and simply breathe.  No, this was a safer area.  She’d moved and chosen to place her business here for that reason.  It did little to comfort.  She was not ignorant to the fact that no matter how “safe” a place is, it is not completely immune to danger and the unfairness of life.  Plus, Papyrus was a monster.  And sadly, the portion of humanity that didn’t like change, didn’t like different, turned their prejudices to them or just broadened their spectrum of hate.  What was even sadder was that some people of color, people who should know better and know how it feels to be treated as subhuman, hopped on the bandwagon; they were just happy it wasn’t directed at them anymore.  

The pinch and strain in her forehead told her she needed to calm down.  She breathed in slowly, deeply, and held it, counting down from ten as she rolled her shoulders back and let them drop.  Once she hit zero, she let the air held in her lungs out in one long, even breath.  She could feel the tension melting off, the bubble gone, and overall she felt lighter.  Mal would be proud.  She almost missed the munchkin flicking her forehead any time he saw her frowning.   It reminded her of her mother telling her to “fix her face.”  

Moving on, she saw she had a few notifications, but none were messages from her friend.  She wished he sent something if it was going to take time for him to get back.  She peeked out the front door and squinted down the street, both ways, trying to locate the two.  She couldn’t see either, but she did see Papyrus’s red sports car parked just in front.  

The area she lived in was considered the downtown area.  It was mostly small businesses, shops, restaurants, a couple bars further over, and if you traveled just a few minutes further, you would hit the residential area. Well, the official residential area, anyway.  And in the opposite direction was the main center of Ebott.  Most business owners in downtown lived above their work space and some even rented out rooms.  Her little office was on the quieter of the two main streets that had mostly offices, a little cafe, and a couple shops.  This was Eighth Street.  If you wanted to party, go to Sixth Street.  That was where all the bars, clubs, taverns, and odd little gems were.  She enjoyed going to hunt down her favorite food vendor.

Stepping outside, she sighed as the cool night air kissed at her cheeks and the exposed skin of her arms, causing goosebumps to rise.  She was tempted to wait outside for him, but he expected her ready to go once he got back.  One more glance at the clock on her phone and she decided to wait for him inside.  He was an adult.  She needed to have faith he could take care of himself.  Plus, she had no clue which way they had gone and it would do no good to possibly wander in the wrong direction searching for them.  She muttered a quick little wish for their safety before turning around and going back inside.  

Like others on this street, she lived above her office space on the second floor.  It felt nice to know her mortgage payments went to owning both her home and place of business one day.  It also just felt good to have a space all to herself.  She loved her mother and siblings, but she had been ready to go.  Scooping up the dirty dishes on her way back to the little hallway, she balanced the tray in one hand and fished out her keys with the other.  She could thank those years of waitressing and retail for two things: multitasking skills and patience.  Keys secured, she found the right one, and unlocked the doorway to her haven.  She left the door unlocked and just slightly ajar to let Papyrus know where she was and to let himself in.

It was clever how the building was set up.  The ground floor had an office space, waiting area, guest bathroom, and small hallway connecting all three.  The extra door in the hallway just looked like it would lead to a broom closet.  It tickled her inner child each time she had to slide the false wall away and reveal the stairs that led up into her second story home.  Stepping up the first few steps, she slid the wall back into place, then flicked a switch to turn on the lights in the stairwell before she quickly ascended the rest of the stairs.  

On the landing, she tapped a foot on a nearby standing lamp and it filled the living room with gentle, warm light.  She prefered using lamps over built in lighting.  Most lighting in apartments were bright white and blue toned, while she had grown up with warmer, off white bulbs.  She also was simply used to a dimmer environment back in her mother’s house.  They didn’t keep lights running all day long.  Only time the lights were on was at night for a bit and if you needed to look for something.  She liked to consider her home cozy and welcoming despite the low lighting.

This space was enough.   It felt bigger than it was since it was just her living here.  It was hers, and it felt amazing every time she walked around her home how she wished, cooked what she wanted to eat, placed things where she wanted, and one day, she’d maybe get a pet.  Removing her shoes at the landing, she slipped on a pair of slippers and padded across the vinyl flooring.  While it was nice not having an inch of permanent carpet in her home, she had learned these sorts of floors could be chilly and it was a habit not worth breaking to wear house slippers or slides inside.  

She beelined for her bedroom after dropping off the dishes in the sink to take care of later and tossing her mask into the trashcan.  Now, she needed to get changed and do something about this hair.  The “previous arrangements” Papyrus had spoken of was their weekly workout session.  Usually, he would pop in after she had closed up and the two of them would take a jog or walk around the block, then hit the local gym.  Her hair being down during a workout was just asking for frizz, tangles, and possibly it getting in the equipment at the gym.  Plus, it was just hot as hell to keep it down while moving that much.  

While she just wanted to toss off her clothes and bra without a care and face plant on her bed, maybe veg out on the couch, she knew she couldn’t cancel on Papyrus.  Her drip for today was a four piece pantsuit gifted to her by Black and Edge for her birthday not long ago.  Something about her needing to look powerful as a business woman and “none of her current attire was up to their standards.”  The two had amazing taste though, so she couldn’t get too mad at them dissing her wardrobe.  The blouse was made from a soft fabric in her favorite color.  A black corset style vest with an honestly beautiful work of art of the back comprised of hand stitched embroidery and silk fabric, with matching silk lacing.  The pants were custom fit--how they knew her measurements was still a mystery, but she suspected Wine had something to with it-- and also black.  The long trenchcoat that matched with it that she hadn’t worn today was made of a heavy fabric in her favorite color with that same patterned silk lining the inside.  It was hanging in her closet.  She carefully removed the peices she wore before laying them on her bed neatly to avoid unnecessary wrinkles.  She was pretty sure this suit was the most expensive thing in her home.     

Digging through drawers, she picked out a pair of athletic tights, a sports bra, and a  t-shirt the pun lovers of the skeleton family had given her.  While it didn’t have a pun on it, it made for a lot of fun interaction when she wore it.  Across the chest was written “Bet you Can’t Read the Back of This Shirt” and on the back “Bet You Can’t Read the Front of This Shirt.”   The amount of people who try to slyly look at the other side after reading one then slinking away after realized they had been tricked was always amusing.  

It took less than a second for her to unclasp her current bra and throw it into her hamper.  It took a bit more time to slip on and clasp her sports bra.  She took a moment to debate using the the j-hook before deciding it couldn’t hurt to have a little more stability.  She froze as she heard movement in her house, something sliding, and then footsteps.  She only began moving again after hearing Papyrus annouce his presence.  She practically ripped her tights up her legs as she was very aware of the sound of his now bare feet clicking across her living room and getting closer.  Her shirt was tugged over her head and arms slid through her shirt sleeves just as he poked his skull through her bedroom door, which she had apparently left open in her haste.  Whoops.  

Once Papyrus was sure he wouldn’t look like a nightlight bobbing along on his way back to his friend’s home, he finally left the cover of the bus stop and back onto the sidewalk.  His mind was running over everything that had happened that evening.  He wondered what possibly led the elderly human to assume he and his friend would be… canoodling, canoodling was a word he could handle to describe what she was hinting at.  He preferred his magic to stay put right now.  An exasperated sigh fell from his parted teeth as he considered the possibility that he was just overthinking and overanalyzing.  The elderly human was probably just pulling a dirty jape on him.  The next time they met, he would have to return the favor.  Of course with a more classy, sophisticated jape, but a jape none the less.

“Papi!” she greeted with a little wave, blowing at her now mussed up hair from rushing to get dressed.  She eventually had to push it out her face as it simply kept falling back.  She was sure she looked a right mess at the moment.  

∆∆∆

His sockets took in just how dark it was getting.  How long had he been out?  Did it really take that long to pretty much jog to the bus stop?  Or had he taken that long to recover?  A glance at the sky revealed the stars were in full view now, but the moon was still low.  He focused on his hearing, but didn’t hear the usual ruckus from Sixth Street; so, it couldn’t have taken too long.  

“NO SENSE IN WASTING ANYMORE TIME STANDING HERE!” he declared with a little stomp of his foot.  “AND NOW I HAVE NOTHING HOLDING ME BACK!!” he practically cackled as he launched into a sprint, tearing down the sidewalk.  She had better be prepared, especially considering all the extra time she had been given unintentionally.  He refused to fail in his duties as her best and greatest friend.  One such duty was pushing and supporting her goals.  He had been ecstatic when she had told him she wanted his help with improving her health and getting in shape that first time.  Not only had she come to HIM out of everyone, but now he could hang out with her even more.  

Papyrus didn’t stop running until he had to hit the brakes infront of her front door.  He noted that the lights had been turned off downstairs, but he could see warm light filtering through the second story window.  Making his way inside, he closed and locked the front door, sliding the bolt at the top of door to secure it.  There was two ways in and out of her home, this front door and the “back door.”  The back door actually led to a side patio that wrapped around back to connect to a second staircase outside.  He locked the doorway in the hall as well before practically bounding up the stairwell. 

He made sure to call out your name once he reached the landing, “READY OR NOT, I HAVE RETURNED!!!” he added with his best impression of Edge’s cackle for humor.  As he removed his shoes and set them on the rack against the wall, he could hear shuffling and little thumps from across the small, cozy home.  His toes lightly clicked against the floor as he made his way to her room.  As he got closer, he could hear the shuffling get more urgent and a little curse here and there.  

“HUMAN, ARE YOU ALRIGHT IN HERE?” he didn’t know what he had expected when he peeked into her room, but his teeth clicked shut audibly as he tried to stifle a snort and keep himself from grinning.  The human had apparrently been hurrying to finish dressing and had just pulled her shirt down.  He had peeked in just as her head finally popped through her collar, or rather all he could see was an adorable fluffball.  Her curls which had been relatively neat and orderly before was now... well, everywhere.  He could see her lips which were now pouting after a failed attampt at blowing her hair out of her face.  Her nose crinkling cutely in aggravation as she brings a hand up to shove the errant curls back.  

His sockets focused on her fingers which had been all but swallowed up by her hair.  The digits sinking in and he couldn’t help wondering how it would feel to tangle his own digits into her tresses.  Was it as soft as it looked?  Or would it be coarse?  It wasn’t his first time wondering such things.  She had a habit of playing with this one particular curl at her nape.  He would often catch her twisting, pulling, and twirling that one lock of hair endlessly.  That one curl now sticks out cutely anytime she wears her hair down and his phalanges itch to play with it like she does anytime he sees it.  

“Papi?” 

The skeleton jolted as he refocused on the present as her voice, so much closer than before, and a fleshy palm passing his vision.  He blinked as her face came into view, looking up at him with a warm flush to her face.  Well, what of her face he could see as she had released her hair and some had fallen back in her face again.  

“I know my hair’s a mess right now, but I didn’t think it was so bad to leave you speechless,” she muttered, looking away as her hand came up to play with THAT curl again.  He tore his sockets from her fingers deftly twisting the curl and brought a hand to catch hers, moving it away.  She released the curl with little resistance, but still refused to look at him.  That little curl snapped back and while he wished he could appreciate and marvel at how it did that, he had a friend to comfort.  

“WHILE YOUR HAIR, YES, IS A MESS RIGHT NOW,” he held back a wince as her shoulders hunched a bit, “I DON’T THINK THAT’S A BAD THING!” he added with a bright smile.  He could see her chancing a peek up at him from the corner of her eye.  If she didn’t like people touching her face suddenly, he would have simply turned her head himself.   Good- NO, GREAT friends respect boundaries.  “IN FACT, I THINK IT’S VERY… OH, WHAT IS IT YOU HUMAN’S SAY?” he paused, pretending to think for a moment before snapping his phalanges, “CHIC!!!  NO, FIERCE!!  YES, I LIKE THAT ONE MUCH BETTER!”  Was his volume control out the window at this point?  Yes.  Did he care? No.  Because now she was looking at him fully, head tilted back and forcing curls to fall away.  Her flush seemed to have worsened though.  

Papyrus watched her as she took a minute to suck in a deep breath and exhale, closing her eyes briefly.  The shock had apparently worn off as she now looked up at him bashfully from under her lashes.  “Papi, has anyone told you you’re too much sometimes?” she asked with a little shake of her head as she seemed to be fighting back a smile.

Leave it to Papyrus to bring her mood back up in mere moments and hype her up to a point she might consider leaving the house like this.  If only her hair didn’t pose a safety hazard at the gym and didn’t trap heat like a lion’s mane in the savanna.  “Thanks, Papi,” she wiped a tear that had gathered in her eyes and took another moment to calm down and catch her breath.  

He knew it was probably one of those questions that humans didn’t expect answers to, but he just grinned wider and answered anyway.  “NOPE!  AFTERALL, THE KEY TO POPULARITY IS LEAVING THEM WANTING MORE! NYEH HEHEH!!”  And now his evening was even better as her laughter rang in his skull and she was smiling again, genuine and joyful.  

∆∆∆

“ANYTIME FOR MY FAVORITE FLUFFY HUMAN!” her skeleton friend boasted.  She just quirked a brow at the affectionate descriptor.  She couldn’t say anything about it though, since half the skeleton household had nicknamed her as such.  She couldn’t even argue that it didn’t fit.  It was better than “Curly” atleast, or the various food and drink related nicknames Sugar and Oak had tried on her.  

Sighing, she loosed her hand from her friend’s grip and stepped back.  “Come on, let’s get out of the door.  Can’t be good for your back and neck,” she ushered him in with a gentle tug to his hand.  He stepped inside with little urging and almost immediately he was rolling his shoulders and stretching.  He must not have realized how long they had been in the doorway.  Thankfully, her home had higher ceilings than normal, but sadly the doorways were still made for average sized humans so anytime the Papyri or Oak visited, they had to duck through the doorways.  She was saving up for renovations for atleast the first floor to be more monster accommodating one day.  

Letting go of his hand, she padded across her room and into her private bath.  While her bathroom wasn’t extravagant, it atleast was nicer and bigger than any bathroom she had used before now.  Correction, it was the nicest before she visited the skeletons’ house.  She could have lived in that tub.  The water pressure in the shower had been amazing as well.  Stepping up to the sink and vanity, her eyes scanned the counter top for a particular item.  “There you are,” she mumbled as she picked up the spray bottle.  It was filled with water and detangler, just the miracle she needed to help her tame this mane and hopefully get it pulled back into atleast a ponytail.  Maybe she should go with a pineapple puff?  No, too many loose ends to get caught on equipment.  A bun then?  Or a braid?  After checking how easy her hair would cooperate, she settled on two thick french plaits.

She hadn’t even gotten to pull the trigger once before she heard Papyrus in the doorway as he ducked through and stared at her with curious empty sockets.  Even without eyelights, she could feel where his focus was.  It was on her hand poised with a spray bottle aimed at her hair.  Rather than saying anything or asking what he wanted, she pulled the trigger and started the process of dampening her hair.  It wasn’t until her curls started to get weighed down with moisture that Papyrus finally spoke up.  

“HUMAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”  Her gaze locked with his visage in the mirror as he had moved closer.  His gaze wasn’t on the spray bottle anymore and rather on the top of her head.  What was so interesting that he had to move closer?  While this bathroom was on the bigger side, it wasn’t quite big enough to not feel cramped with a towering skeleton monster sharing the space as well.

“Taming this hair down,” she stated simply and she could see his teeth part to ask another question, most likely “why” she was doing this after his encouragement.  “Papi, you do remember where we’re going tonight right?” She didn’t continue speaking until he nodded, “Sorry to tell you, but this FIERCE hair is a little too much for the gym.  It gets caught on a shit around here, rather not think of what it could get caught on at a place with heavy weights, equipment, and the occasional fool who can’t keep his or her or their hands to themselves.”  She’d started off wanting to play it off lightly with a joke, but some frustration had leaked into her voice as she remembered there were still people who didn’t understand you couldn’t treat others like a petting zoo. 

It’s not like touching her hair is completely off limits.  Just ask first, most times she’s fine with it so long as they don’t over do it.  Plus, she worked to hard to ensure the health and texture of her hair for it go unappeciated by not only herself, but those close to her.  Strangely, none of her skeleton friends, except one, had recently tried or asked to touch it.  Only one had tried and she had gotten on him about consent.  That had been Cash, back when they had first met, but now he was pest about it and she had taken to telling him no just to spite him.

Papyrus had originally ducked into the bathroom to ask if he could get himself a glass of water while he waited, but had been struck with curiosity as he saw his human friend aiming a spray bottle at her head, more specifically her hair.  It was similar to the spray bottle they had used to discipline the cats back home at one point.  He was aware that humans had various products--thousands he had discovered--for their hair.  Especially the women of the species, but the men weren’t exempt either.  It had been overwhelming the first time he had stepped into a store on the surface.  They just had an overwhelming amount of choices for pretty much everything.                   

Zoning back in, she noticed Papyrus’s teeth had just closed, “Sorry, did you say something? Fraid I missed it,” she piped up apologetically as she started wetting her hair again.  Maybe it would have been easier to just duck her head under the shower at this point.  “Papi?” she called as he didn’t answer, peeking up at him again in mirror, but he ssemed to be lost in his thoughts again.  Sighing, she left him to it and picked up a wide tooth comb and began working out knots gently as she could.   

∆∆∆

  He wandered closer for a better look as she began spritzing her hair.  He could smell that the bottle didn’t just contain water.  It didn’t smell bad though.  No, it smelled warm and comforting, just like her.  His sockets locked onto how the water seemed to bead and run down her hair, reminding him of how water would just roll off a duck’s back.  Some of the beads got caught on the kinks and turns her hair would make, but her fingers helped to gently coax the water to absorb until her hair started to lay down with the excess moisture. He’d asked what she was doing, but much to his shame, he was hardly focusing on her answer. 

   He nodded to her question.  Of course he knew where they were going, but wasn’t quite understanding why the place mattered?  Then again, now that he thinks about it, he had never seen her wear her hair down when they went to the gym or on runs.  He’d simply assumed it was her preferred look for those moments and he enjoyed seeing all the different updos she could manipulate her hair into.  He wasn’t afraid to admit he didn’t want her to “tame” her hair as she had put it right now.  

He more heard her explanation, rather than actively listening, but understood what she saying.  It made sense.  It was practical reasoning.  He kept quiet as the last bit registered with him and held in a dejected sigh.  He had hoped Cash was pulling everyone’s legs about her not liking others touching her hair.  His alternate was almost also pulling pranks and getting lectured for it.  “Of All Things For Cash to Be Serious About…” he muttered, not caring if he was pouting.  

He let himself get lost in the practiced movements of her hands.  She hadn’t shooed him away so he guessed he was permitted to stay and watch.  He took note of how she worked a comb through her hair, the teeth were wider than the gag comb Sans carried in his hoodie pocket and she gently worked out knots starting at the ends and moving up.  Once she deemed her hair knot free, she had grabbed an even funnier looking comb.  This one had thinly spaced teeth, but had a long piece extending from the relatively small comb part.  She used the long tapered part to part her hair down the middle then in what seemed effortless, she twisted one side of her hair and stuck the long bit through it like a hair pin.  To his surprise, it stayed in place and didn’t unravel. Was she going to do this to the other side as well?  Combs were an odd accessory, but he wasn't judging.

His head tilted as it almost looked like she getting her fingers tangled, but he finally figured out what she doing once she started moving.  He watched in muted amazement as she braided with practiced ease, fingers gathering new hair to work in as she moved from her temple to her nape.  The braid was chunky and laid neatly against her scalp, while the rest rested against her shoulder and neck as she finished it.  She plucked the comb from her hair and ran the teeth through the end of the braid before twisting.  The end result was a neat curl at the end that worked like magic to him keep the entire thing from unraveling.  His jaw had dropped open without him noticing, only clacking closed as heard her giggle.  Her fingers were already braiding the other side as she smiled teasingly up at him in the mirror.  

Cheekbones flushing pink with magic for the second time that evening, Papyrus was thankful there were no windows in this room as he was sure his friend would not appreciate him throwing himself through it to get away from his embarrassment.  “IT’S RUDE TO STARE,” he griped, only flushing more as she smiled more.  “NO, STOP THAT. CEASE!” he commanded, straightening up with a flustered glare as she was practically grinning up at him now.

“Stop what, hmm?” Oh no.  “And what do you mean it’s rude to stare?  Weren’t you staring at me this for the past… ooooh, couple minutes?” Damn it.  

Papyrus had nothing to say in defense, but a mess of words poured from his jaws and stars, maybe he should try throwing himself through that wall there.  It couldn’t be that thick.  He was sure he was practically glowing by now and he should just respond with his normal snark, but his usually brilliant mind was failing him at the moment.  Once again he found himself muffling an embarrassed screech in his palms as a human woman laughed.  Atleast this time, said woman was trying to comfort him and bring him back down to earth with familiar warmth and comfort that was all her.  

[nahimjustfeelingit-writes]

Imagine:

Erik fucking plus size OC and he is obsessed with how wet her pussy is/ Erik fucking plus size OC in college and she wants to do it with the lights off.

Warnings: SMUTTY, Hardcore, College Erik, Sorority OC, Fraternity Erik, Inspiration from Zane story called APF. Just a disclaimer I am not a member of any of these sororities and I don’t want to disrespect or take credit. 

hey y’all! This is so long and detailed. I’m doing another story with an OC. I’ve been reading this Zane book called APF and it is straight up nasty and I figured if I’m doing college Erik and OC I could put my own twist on this amazing erotica and I hope you guys love it! I recommend reading the book y’all I promise you won’t be disappointed 😩😩😩

 “Rodney, ohhhhh, Fuck, Rodney! Yes yes yes!-“ 

“Jada, Stop moaning so damn loud! You want Valentina and Chanel to hear us?”

“She won’t say anything,” Jada laughs before whimpering, “Your dick is just so good, baby.”

“How about you quietly let a nigga know how good this dick is. I don’t want Erik coming up in here ready to kill me-“

“Now, I want you to shut up and fuck me. You better work this pussy and stop complaining! Better yet,” Jada could be heard flipping over on the bed causing the springs to bounce, “Gimmie back shots, you know how much I like it like that, Daddy.”

“So damn nasty, JJ, ahhhhh, Fuck,” Rodney quietly moans before grunting, “Fuck, you got some good pussy on you.”

Valentina didn’t understand why Rodney complained about Jada being so loud when he was making her ass clap back on him. The entire Sorority house could hear them. Both of them were stupid as fuck. Valentina was on her way back from her shift at the Founders Library on campus when she first heard them. She worked in the back of the Library archiving books. This situation with Rodney and Jada has been going on in secret for over a month now. Valentina began to notice some wild shit going on in her Sorority, Alpha Kappa Alpha, just a few days after she joined in her Freshman year. Valentina pledged to uphold the values and ideals of the bond she was seeking to join. It's like a marriage to your sorority. 

After she pledged for Alpha Kappa Alpha, Jada Summers asked Valentina in her sophomore year if she wanted to be in a secret society that involved Not just Alpha Kappa Alpha, but other sororities as well. It wasn’t for the faint-hearted but Valentina decided to go along with it to make new friends. The secret society was involved in sexual freedom and the fulfillment of its members. They titled it Alpha Sigma Zeta Delta because pledges from all the different black sororities were involved. 

Valentina could still remember the initiation process. She had to sleep with a Kappa Alpha Psi member. It was embarrassing at first because she didn’t feel comfortable with her body but he sweet-talked her the entire night like no man has ever done to her. Valentina thought the sex was great, mind-blowing, fantastic, but he complained about her being too shy and how it killed his mood. Luckily he graduated in the winter and she wouldn’t have to see his face again. Ever since then, Valentina hasn’t participated in any sex with her fellow sisters or other fraternities. She was surprised Jada didn’t kick her out yet. It was probably because she was afraid Valentina would tell someone about their secret society. 

“Fuck, JJ, no wonder why Erik kept you, Mhm,” Valentina could hear Rodney slap Jada’s ass, “You can suck some dick girl. Look at that mouth.”

“Ugh,” Valentina complained while trying to get some sleep. She shared a room with another pledge, Chanel, who practically slept like a baby throughout it all. It’s probably because Chanel had Rodney too. 

“Suck the nut out my dick, bitch,” Rodney spoke with a gruff tone, “Suck my shit dry like I told you to.”

“Mmmm, mmmm,” Jada mumbled with a mouth full of dick.

“I wish I could cum in that pretty pussy but that’s Erik’s job, right?”

There was no response but Valentina guesses that she probably nodded her head.

“Fff-fuckkkkkk, uhhhhh,” Rodney damn near lost his cool. The bed rocked a little more, probably from Jada sucking him harder and Rodney fucking her mouth. Right when Valentina grabs one of her champagne silk pillows to cover her ears with, Rodney growled and moaned with his release. After about 30 seconds, Jada and Rodney started laughing and talking with low voices. Too bad the walls were thin. 

“Doesn’t Erik stop by around this time?” Rodney asked.

“Yes, but I didn’t hear from him about that. Why do you always ask about him? I’m sure he’s out there doing his fucking dirt too. I’m grown I can do whatever the fuck I want to. 

“No disrespect, beautiful, just asking. You know Erik is my boy-“

“Just shut the fuck up, Rodney. You’ve been fucking me for over a month now. If that was your boy you wouldn’t be coming to my room every chance you get, would you?”

There was silence followed by the sound of clothes ruffling. Rodney was getting himself dressed to leave. Valentina pulled her Hello Kitty sleeping mask up from her eyes to check the time. It was 11:00 PM. They’d been laid up having sex on and off for about three hours. Now, Valentina was hungry and thirsty. She pulled her comforter back, put on her Ugg slippers, and walked from her room and down the hall to the stairs. She walked at a fast pace so she wouldn’t have to run into Rodney. She tiptoes down the steps and made her way towards the kitchen. Valentina has a habit of snacking late at night and her taste buds were calling for some sour cream and onion chips with an ice-cold glass of apple juice. 

So far so good as she checked the cupboard. They were still stocked with all the junk food in the world. Valentina grabs the rolled-up bag of sour cream and onion chips, then opened the fridge to grab some apple juice with her Alpha Kappa Alpha cup. When she opened the fridge she noticed that it was stocked with Martinelli's 100% Apple Juice. She’s never had it before but Valentina assumed it was because of Erik. He drank those things to death. Jada probably bought them because Erik put her on and now she wanted to put her Sisters on. Taking a chance, Valentina grabs two, closing the fridge and walking to one of the bar stools in the kitchen to sit her round backside on. 

Valentina tried crossing her much thicker thighs while sitting on the barstool, but her plumpness and the area didn’t leave her enough room to get more comfortable. She groans, swinging her feet while leaning over the kitchen island to eat her snacks. As she munched, Valentina could hear Rodney and Jada descending the stairs. The first thing Valentina noticed about Rodney that made all the girls go crazy was his piercing green eyes. His skin reminded you of desert sand and his hair was faded around the temple with loose bouncy curls up top. Jada has tortilla colored skin with sandy brown hair and eyes close to the color of gingerbread. She had abundant umber-colored freckles that covered her nose and cheeks. Athletic and short. Jada wore nothing but an Alpha Kappa Alpha hoodie and her feet were bare.

“So, when do you want to meet up again?” Rodney pulls Jada closer by her waist, bringing his lips to her neck to suck on. Jada slowly pushes his head away before rubbing the spit from her neck.

“You better not had put a hickie on me,” Jada glowered.

“I didn’t calm down. So, when can I see you again?”

“I’ll let you know. You can’t have me whenever you want, Rodney. Erik has to have some of me too.”

Valentina almost choked on a chip. 

“Ugh, I should have never fucked you,” Rodney reached behind her to slap her ass, “You should be mine and only mine.”

Jada giggles before lightly pushing Rodney away, “Boy. Go back to your frat house. I’ll see you at lunch tomorrow.”

“Aight,” Rodney gave Jada a couple pecks on the lips before turning his gaze towards the kitchen and catching Valentina’s eye. He didn’t seem to care not once that he was touching on Jada in front of her. Jada clearly felt the same.

“Sup Valentina,” Rodney gave her a coy smirk, “Couldn’t sleep? 

“Apparently not,” Valentina took a sip of her apple juice.

“Hm, Sorry about that. Jada here is to blame. A nigga can’t help himself when he’s in that pussy. 

Rod, stop it,” Jada shoves him lightly while trying to hide a smile, “Let Valentina snack in peace.”

Rodney puts his hands up in surrender, “Aight, I think it’s time for me to bounce. JJ, Val, I’ll be seeing you.”

Rodney finally makes his exit, closing the door softly behind him. As soon as the door clicked shut, Jada properly locks it before making her way into the kitchen. She walks to the fridge, grabbing one of the apple juices to drink herself. Jada slapped the bottom of the bottle to make it easier to open. Once it was opened, Jada guzzled that juice in practically one gulp before throwing the glass bottle in recycling. Jada pulled all her sandy brown Dominican blown out hair up into a ponytail before taking a seat directly across from a disinterested Valentina.

“So, Val,” Jada licks her full lips, “What has been up with you? You seem to have an issue with me and Rodney.”

Valentina twirled a piece of hair from her wig, “Not an issue. You’re grown, I’m not your mother. But I do think it’s reckless. 

“Teh,” Jada gave a short laugh, “Reckless? Sis, how long have you been a pledge for ASZD? Did you forget your initiation? Did you forget that we participate in all kinds of sex that would have the faint-hearted laid out dead on this kitchen floor? I mean, I’m surprised you aren’t dead.”

Jada chuckles, folding one cream-colored leg over the other, “Sis, what? Are you jealous because I have Rodney and you don’t? 

Valentina rubbed her temples, “No, JJ, I don’t want your sloppy seconds. I just feel like you have Erik so I don’t understand why you would want to fuck Rodney-“

“Because I can,” Jada gave Valentina a wide grin, “Erik is cute, fine as hell, but I don’t owe him anything. We are in an open relationship, Val. He’s probably at some booty call right now giving the bitch some good dick. But it’s cool, one thing I know about Erik is that he will always come back. This good pussy has him hooked. I wouldn’t be surprised if he comes knocking on this door right now-“

Knock Knock

“Oh? Would you look at that.”

Valentina rolled her eyes at Jada before hopping off the bar stool causing her silk half shirt to push out extra cleavage from the top of the shirt. She couldn’t stand Jada at times. She thought she was the best thing walking on two feet. On the outside, she looked breathtaking but on the inside, it would only make you puke. Jada acted like her shit didn’t stink. Valentina walked to the cupboard to put away the chips and that’s when she heard his voice 

“Daddy sorry he’s late, baby girl, you know I’m apart of that teacher's assistant program so I had a lot of papers to grade, look at you,” Valentina looked up in time to see Erik cupping both of Jada’s ass cheeks nice and firm before slapping them extra hard. Jada whimpered like a child in need of attention, wrapping her arms around Erik’s neck 

“Don’t keep me waiting again, Daddy,” Jada sucked on Erik’s neck, “You miss this pussy?”

“You miss this dick?” Erik grabs one of Jada’s hands to rest over his crotch, “Yeah, that’s right, you know how I get when I see you.”

“So damn big,” Jada sighed, “Let’s go, I need it right now.”

Valentina just about heard enough. How was she going to get away with having sex with Erik in her bed after she just had sex with Rodney there? Valentina didn’t want to stick around so she placed both bottles of Martinelli's 100% apple juice in the recycling bin and walked out of the kitchen. Screw being discrete, Valentina loudly walked past them both and towards the stairs 

“Valentina?”

She felt a shiver creep up her spine. Turning, Valentina caught Erik’s eye. Those almost black eyes because of the low light. He always overawed Valentina. Even in just a pair of basketball shorts and a Raiders hoodie with a durag on his head he looked appetizing. Then, he smiles at her with his full lips and deep dimples. Valentine wraps her arms around her belly to calm the butterflies. She was sure she looked a bit peaky and her forehead was sweating. Valentina couldn’t understand how Jada slept with Rodney and whoever else she wanted when a man like Erik stood before her with his large biceps wrapped around her. 

“Hey, Erik.” Valentina shyly places some hair behind her ear, “Long night?”

“Always. Then I have this dissertation to write as well so your boy is tired.”

“Hey, why don’t you get some rest then, yeah? We can pick this back up tomorrow night.” Jada rubbed circles with her long lime green nails in the center of Erik’s chest.

“You tryna keep me away, ma?” Erik gave her a suspicious look before smirking, “I need you to take care of me. I didn’t come all the way over here for you to put me out.”

“Oh, she’ll take care of you alright,” Valentina mumbled before taking the stairs to her room. She had to figure out how she was going to get sleep with an 8 AM class tomorrow.

“Goodnight, Val,” Erik called out to her, Valentina waved at him before turning down the hall and to her bedroom. She felt a ping of jealousy and she hated that it was because of Jada. Erik needed to cut ties with her. Valentina didn’t want to tell him about Rodney because that would be fucked up but at the same time, he didn’t deserve it. Rodney was supposed to be his best friend. Finally, in bed, Valentina pulled her Hello Kitty mask down over her eyes, brought her comforter up and over her whole body, and forced herself to sleep.

——————

“What’s happening tonight? A party? At our house?”

Valentina looked around the lunch table at her Alpha Kappa Alpha sisters. She pushed away from her bacon grilled cheese with a side of sweet potato fries to listen in on the conversation. Party or not she had a research paper due on Monday and if she stayed up to party with AKA and everyone else she wouldn’t get any work done on Saturday. The house would be an uproar.

“Nah, it’s an ASZD party,” Jada spoke with a whisper, “We have new pledges and they have to go through initiation. They have to be trustworthy, secretive, and be willing to take all the freak nasty shit we do to the grave.”

Valentina forgot all about that. She felt her heartbeat quicken behind her rib cage. She really wanted to back out of this one like the last time but if she did she would probably fuck up her chances of being an AKA and she needed that. Valentina comes from a family of women who were AKA. 

“So, I have to lie to Malcolm about where I’m going?” A new pledge of AKA and Jada’s little sis, Janelle, wanted to become a part of ASZD, “We were supposed to go to the movies-“

“Nelle, what did I tell you, sis? This is a serious commitment. You want that sexual gratification? You gotta keep this a secret. We could all lose our reputation and possibly future careers if word gets out to the wrong crowd.”

“You gotta be a woman and look to take sexuality to another level,” China, a southern bell from Texas says, “Freaky Friday is our day. We do this twice a month. 

Janelle nibbled on her bottom lip nervously, “Are the Kappa’s gonna be there? They recruited Tory as a new pledge and Tory is in my Health class. If Tory sees me...he may say something.” 

Jada shared a look with the others before turning her gingerbread-colored eyes back on her sister that could pass as her twin, “If Tory is gonna be there, sis, Tory wants some pussy. If he sees you, he might want to sample what’s between your legs. You’re gonna let Tory have some if he asks?”

Janelle blushed, looking down bashfully at her two slices of veggie pizza, “Yeah...I like Tory.”

“There you go, sis,” Chanel cheers while applying lip gloss to her heart-shaped lips, “It’s gonna be wild and fun. You won’t regret it.”

“So, what do we wear?” Janelle asked with a chipper tone.

“Nothing,” Jada replies.

“Nothing?” Valentina finally speaks up, “Um, like butt ass naked?”

“Yeah, that’s the point, Val,” China jokes, “We’re supposed to be having sex so what’s the point in wearing clothes? We rented out a loft for the night near DuPont Circle to have the event. That way, we can have free roam to walk around with our ass and titties out.”

“Y’all nasty bitches,” Valentina laughs, “I’m bringing lingerie fuck that.”

“Do you even plan on fucking, sis?” Jada asked, “I mean, you haven’t since that one time.”

“Um, we’ll see,” Valentina smiles, “I haven��t had some dick in a minute so I need a sexual release besides my dildo and vibrator.”

“How are you going to handle Erik and Rodney, Jada?”

Valentina perked her ears up for this one in particular. 

“I’ll have Rodney this afternoon and Erik this evening.”

Valentina rolls her eyes and turned back to her food. She couldn’t even find her appetite anymore. 

“Are you okay, Val?” China asks with a worried expression 

“Yeah, I’m cool,” Valentina packed her food away in a to-go container and got up from her seat at the table, “I gotta head over to the library I’ll be back to the house in enough time for us to get there.”

She didn’t even entertain the smirk that Jada had on her face. Clearly, she knew that Valentina was bothered by the fact that she was juggling sex with both Rodney and Erik. 

——————

Valentina didn’t want to sit at a study table in the Founders Library so she walked in between the bookshelves to sit down on the carpet to study. She fluffed out her black and white pleated skirt, crossing her Doc Marten covered feet while pulling out her Theatre Arts books to study for her upcoming exam. Even though it was quiet, Valentina needed to tune out the world and listen to some Floetry and Lauryn Hill. 

All you gotta do is say yes

Don't deny what you feel

Let me undress you, baby;

Open up your mind and express

I'm about to let you know you make me

So, so, so, so, so, so, so

You make me

So, so, so, so, so, so, so, ah

Purple glitter gel pen between her lips stained with NYX Butter Gloss in chocolate brown, Valentina read from her textbook that rested over her knees. She was invested in her music and studying that she hadn’t noticed Erik Stevens standing at the end of the aisle admiring her while munching on an apple. Erik wore a denim jacket with Sherpa collar, a basic crisp white t-shirt, Khaki cargo pants with a chain, and a pair of UGG Neumel Utility boots on his feet in black. He didn’t want to disturb her just yet because she looked so in tune with her studies. His eyes kept drifting down to Valentina’s exposed legs in that black and white pleated skirt. Legs the color of peanut butter with a left thigh tattoo of a pink lotus flower. Erik inhaled deeply before removing his Airpods from his ears, approaching Valentina slowly while twirling his half-eaten apple in hand. Valentina’s mocha eyes looked up at Erik, that glittery purple gel pen falling from between her juicy lips. The pen rolled towards Erik’s feet. He reached down leisurely, grabbing the pen, then holding it out for her to grab. He could still feel her gloss on the pen as his thumb rubbed against it. Valentia took it from him before saying thank you in a soft-spoken voice. 

“You’re welcome,” Erik placed his apple between his teeth to take off his camouflage Supreme backpack. He removed the apple from between his lips, licking them, and then speaking in a hushed tone, “Can I sit with you?”

“Yeah, of course.”

Erik got down on the carpet so close to her that his knee hit her thigh. Valentina almost rips the edge of the page in her textbook while turning it. Erik took out his own various books along with an iPad. Valentina peeks over at his books to see what he studied. Systems and Computer Science. Supposedly he already completed schooling with a Computer Engineering degree. 

“Applications for Artificial Intelligence. 

“Huh?” Valentina looked up at him with a whimsical expression.

“That’s what my dissertation is about. I have only 15 pages typed and I still have another 15 to do.”

“Sounds...stressful.”

“I just can’t wait for this shit to be over with so I can get back on the grind with the Military. 

“Military? Wow.” Valentina was inraptured by Erik’s smile and warm hickory-colored eyes. His teeth were so white, Valentina figured he must have gotten them bleached. She felt ashamed of her lack of skincare because Erik’s russet skin is blemish-free and so smooth like he regularly visited an Aesthetician. 

“Theatre Arts,” He pulled her book from her lap to rest on his, “Acting?” 

“Yes.” Valentina blushes.

“What made you get into that?”

“My mom used to act on Broadway. My father is a Writer. My family is full of the arts and I figured if they followed their passion, so can I. 

“I like that, I don’t know why I thought you were a law major.”

“If you would have asked me, you would know...yeah?” Valentina teased.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Erik licks his lips, making his voice lower “So...will you be at the party tonight?”

“Um, I plan on it...why?” Her heart damn near bounced around her chest. 

Erik uses his thumb to rub the tip of his nose while trying to fight a smile, “Teh, um...I’m tryna see you there. 

“Excuse me?” Valentina was perplexed.

“I wanna see you there,” Erik’s head fell back lightly against the bookshelf, “That’s the only reason why I’m going. 

Valentina tittered, “Erik...what?”

“You don’t believe me.”

Valentina shook her head slowly, “No, I don’t.” 

How could she anyway? Erik never showed her any interest. Then again, he was always nice to her. Then it was the looks he gave her that made her body shiver. It could be believable but he had Jada. Last night he practically hounded her. They probably didn’t make it up the stairs. It was pretty silent. Jada could have been arched over the steps getting plowed by Erik. The thought of Erik only going to the Freaky Friday Night because of her blew Valentina’s mind. He definitely knows what happens with ASZD. Sex, sex, sex. If he wanted to see her there...

“Valentina.” Erik must have called her name 20 times.

“Sorry,” She timidly placed hair behind her ear, “What would seeing me there do for you?”

“Hm,” Erik’s hickery-colored eyes watched her face closely, “What do you think?”

Suddenly, Valentina’s lips become dry. 

“It doesn’t matter what I think. What about Jada?”

“What about her?” Erik says with an annoyed tone.

“Isn’t that your girl? Aren’t ya’ll you know...fucking? In a relationship?”

Erik laughs bitterly, “We are fucking, but she ain't my girl, Val. I don’t make bitches like Jada my girl. You gotta earn it and just because you have good pussy doesn’t mean you're mine. We fuck, that’s that.” 

“Oh,” Valentina looks down at her knees, “She seems to think you two are together.”

“Look at me, Val.”

 Valentina fixed her eyes on his. She wished she hadn’t. 

“I know about her and Rodney already.”

 “When did you find out?”

 “last night. I saw Rodney leaving.”

 “They are so stupid,” Valentina chuckles, “I don’t understand why she thought this would go on forever-”

 “Oh, it can go on for infinity, I don’t give a fuck. I’m not surprised. I know how she gets down. She slept with a lot of niggas and that’s not even including bitches.”

 “Yeah, Chanel, China-”

 “I saw that in action a month ago,” Erik closes his eyes while laughing, “I respect the sexual awakening and togetherness though but you gotta be careful, feelings can get involved and I know Chanel felt some type of way when Rodney and Jada started having sex.”

“Oh, definitely. I’m shocked she slept through it all last night. I just hope Janelle doesn’t get like that. She has a boyfriend and everything.”

“Nelle just might. Tory, the one here on the basketball scholarship? He’s feeling Nelle heavy heavy, That Lil’ nigga is gunning for her.”

“Damn,” Valentina licks her lips, “I can’t believe I agreed to be a part of ASZD. I’m not cut out for this at all,” Valentina looked from side to side then between the books behind her head to see if anyone was around, “Gotta be careful talking about this shit here.”

“Can’t fuck up yall little secret society.”

“Shut up,” Valentina bumps Erik with her shoulder 

“So, if you aren’t cut out for being a member for ASZD, then that means you aren’t freaky.” Erik jokes but then Valentina looked away with embarrassment.

“I’m just fucking with you, Val-”

“I’m sure you know about my initiation, right? I didn’t hear the end of that shit for at least a month. Jada made sure I remembered that horrible fucking night.” Valentina brought her knees to her chest, folding her arms across it and resting her chin there. She avoided Erik’s eyes and focused on the stack of books across from her on the shelf. 

“Calvin talked a lot about you so all that other shit you heard is a fucking lie. Probably some shit that Jada made up to make you feel like shit because he jumped on you before her. I told you, Valentina, Jada be lovin’ the crew.”

“He liked it?” Valentina glanced over at Erik with a hopeful look in her eyes 

“Oh yeah,” He smirks, “He said you had the wettest pussy in the motherfucking world. And the fattest pussy too.”

“For real?” Valentina hadn’t noticed that she scooted closer to Erik. He could smell whatever scented oil she was wearing. His dick jumped and tapped her textbook resting over his lap 

“Girl, hell...yeah,” Erik cut his eyes down to stare at her cleavage. It couldn’t be helped because the compressed white turtleneck outlined her DD’s perfectly, “That nigga wanted round two honestly. If it wasn’t for him graduating he would have. Ma, he could not shut the fuck up about that body in general.”

“Oh my God,” Valentina squealed behind her hands, “So I’ve been feeling like shit for so long and he actually enjoyed it? I can’t believe Jada.”

“She’s jealous of you, Val.”

“I can’t understand why. She’s so pretty” 

“Fuck all that. So are you.” 

Valentina gawked at Erik like he spoke German. He frowned slightly at her reaction. How could she not believe she was more beautiful than Jada? Plus size or not Valentina is BAD. Badder than Jada in his opinion. Erik fully turns his body to face Valentina while bringing his knees up to rest his arms on. Her textbook thumped against the floor loudly because of all the silence. Valentina picks it up, closes it, and places it behind her with all her other belongings. Erik’s hand reaches out to touch her knee. Valentina melted like an ice sickle under the sun when his warm hand came into contact with her skin. 

“What’s not beautiful about you?” Erik asks with a whisper.

“I know I’m beautiful, I just have my insecurities. All women do.”

“I can’t tell you what you should feel but I will say that you shouldn’t compare yourself to JJ.”

“Thanks, E,” Valentina gave Erik a sheepish smile, “Jada doesn’t deserve to fuck you-”

“What? You do?” Erik bites his bottom lip, “Is that what you’re telling me, baby girl? 

“May-be,” Valentina murmured before giving a short, half-suppressed laugh. Erik reaches out to play in Valentina’s ombre honey blonde wig. She found herself rocking back and forth nervously because now, Erik was studying her face. If someone told her she would be coming to the Founders Library to run into Erik and flirt with him she would have cackled but now, Valentina couldn’t even mutter a word. She wondered what would happen next. If he kissed her, she wouldn’t stop him. He has nice full lips that looked like they tasted sweet. They had to be sweet right now because he was munching on an apple that’s currently going rotten right next to his left foot on the carpet. 

“Nah, answer my question properly.”  

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, I feel like I deserve to fuck you instead of her.” She couldn’t believe the words that flowed from her mouth.

“Cool cuz that’s exactly what’s gon’ happen,” Erik peered behind him then over Valentina’s shoulder before turning his eyes back on hers, using the hand that was in her hair to push her knees apart forcefully so he could get a glimpse of her panties stretched over her phat pussy. Sure enough, sky blue cotton panties with little clouds on them, and a wet spot in the center, the fabric taut over her pussy lips and exactly what he needed to see. The perfect image to make his dick even stonier than what it already was. 

Erik twirled his finger in an authoritative manner, “Take these off,” He demanded in a low gruff tone. 

Valentina lifts her butt from the ground, using her thumbs to push her panties up and over her thighs, down her calves, and then over her boots. She waited patiently for Erik to pull her knees apart again as she watched over his shoulder closely. Anyone could come and find them. Erik’s sharp intake of breath is what made Valentina look at him. She could hear her pussy lips spread each time Erik opened and closed her legs. He was doing that on purpose, generating her pussy to make smacking noises. Valentina bit down on her lip and looked behind her, then over his shoulder again. She could feel her leg being lifted up and onto his back while Erik eases his way down to eat her pussy from the side. Valentina blinked her eyes rapidly before closing them when she felt Erik kiss her pussy lips. He repeated this going up and down her pussy. Valentina brought one of her hands up to cover her mouth. Now, Erik took his fingers to part her glimmering pussy lips. Directly in his face was her pink clit, labia, and entrance dripping with all her wetness. His entire face was in her pussy as soon as his tongue poked out to lick her pussy up in one strike. She could hear the way his tongue sounded gliding over her. The constant flickering and lapping noises like a dog licking water from a bowl. 

“Uhhh,” She moaned softly, “Mmmhh, uhhhh.”

When his lips sucked lightly on her clit, Valentina’s head steadily fell back to rest against the bookshelf. 

“Keep that leg up,” Erik whispered into her pussy. Valentina used her left hand to keep her left thigh up while her foot rested on Erik’s back. Her other thigh was down enough so Erik could properly fit his lips around her clit and labia to nibble on. 

“Umph, uhhh,” Valentina couldn’t see him eat her pussy past her large breasts. If only she could watch the way he ate her. 

“Shut that fucking noise up,” Erik spoke through clenched teeth.

“E-Erik, I c-can’ttttt,” She gasps, “Ohhh, Fuck. It feels so good please.” Her voice was barely audible.

Erik wiggled his tongue in her pussy, catching all of her juices in his mouth. Valentina’s hips bucked into his mouth, her thighs shaking uncontrollably. Valentina tried to be aware of her surroundings but the more Erik tongue-fucked her and flicked that tongue up to show her clit some attention, She couldn’t keep her eyes open. Valentina lifted her hips off the carpet, Erik following her with his lips slurping her like an oyster. Valentina hissed sharply making her lungs burn from a deep breath she took while pushing his head away. Erik wasn’t having that, He smacked her hand away so loud the sound almost echoed through the many rows of books. Before Valentina could strengthen herself for what Erik had in store for her, she was flat on the carpet with Erik’s hand around her neck while he continued where he left off before she pushed his head away. The way he sucked on her made her thighs quake. She never felt pressure like that on her pussy. Her eyes crossed and her mouth fell open into a silent scream. The heels of her boots dragged back and forth across the carpet. All she could see every time her watery eyes looked down was her mountainous breasts heaving up and down. The muscles in her belly twisted tightly causing her to get a painful cramp on her right side like she was doing sit-ups. He just would not...stop...sucking. 

“Uhhh, uhhhh, uhh-uh-u-uhhh,” Her hot tears rolled down her cheeks and into her hairline. The feeling of her release crept up slowly like an intro to an orchestrated song. Erik’s hand gently released from around her neck to place his hand over her mouth. Eyes crossing like the Exorcist, Valentina’s hips oscillate back and forth into his voracious mouth. Her body finally gave in to his insatiable nature. She never knew a man could be this insane over eating pussy. Valentina could feel herself leaking into his mouth. He was right there to catch it all so he wouldn’t miss a drop. Like Calvin said, she has the wettest motherfucking pussy in the world. Valentina was so wet Erik’s lips smacking against her sounded like he was drinking from a puddle. Her thighs will slip and slide as she walked the rest of the day. Her ass was probably a mess too. So much came from her pussy. Erik couldn’t find it in him to stop. Valentina lightly pushes his head away with a pout of her lips. Erik caught sight of her pussy twitching before his eyes glanced up at hers to see her face. His nose down to his chin was covered in her mess. The lights above them caused the juices on his face to shimmer. His thick tongue licked around his lips and his hand smoothed down his face to wipe it clean. He could still smell the sweetness of her pussy on his upper lip and his face felt warm like her mound was a thermal. 

“Goddayum, ma,” Erik adjusted his dick in his khaki cargo pants, “Just know I am eating this pussy whenever the fuck I feel like it, do you hear me? You are so fucking wet down here,” His fingers slipped between her fat lips, “Come sit with me at one of the desks up here. If I get a taste for some pussy I wanna be able to crawl under the table and eat it”

“Erik,” Valentina smoothed hair from her face, “Won’t people see-”

“Not where I sit. C’ mon, Valentina. Come with me to the table. I’m not finished eating your pussy just yet.”

“Won’t you have some later?” Valentina looked over Erik’s shoulder.

“Yeah, and then whatever time after that. But that’s later, I need that shit now. 

“Ugh, this is too reckless,” She couldn’t ignore the way Erik was looking at her and the way he kept licking his lips like he was hoping there was still more of her left on his lips.

“It’s all good, Val, I promise,” Erik gave her a charming smile, “Please?”

This man could get anything he wanted.

“Okay, Erik.”

________________

It was raining heavily when the Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority arrived. The other Sororities such as Sigma Gamma Rho, Zeta Phi Beta, and Delta Sigma Theta were already there and dressed in nothing but their birthday suits. All women in all different shapes and sizes and shades of brown. They had the perfect fuck songs of the ’90s playing loudly from a large Bluetooth speaker system that belonged to whoever owned the loft. The only things missing from the large scatter of women were the men. Undergraduate students,  Graduate students, Alumni, and even some men who had cash flow such as Lawyers, Doctors, and Engineers. All black and brown men who came to fuck and suck like them. 

Valentina arrived wrapped in a long pink trench coat with a black lace teddy underneath and some black red bottom pumps; the only good pair of heels that she has. The rest of the Alpha Kappa Alpha entourage wore long trench coats as well, some wearing pink like Valentina and others wearing green like Jada. The only difference was that everyone else was completely bare underneath. Valentina didn’t have the confidence enough to drop that coat around her ankles and walk around with her breasts bouncing and ass jiggling with every step she took. That didn’t include her thighs and her stomach as well. She wished she had the same confidence as the other plus-sized women at the party. They were so sexy. 

“The sex better be good this year because the guy I hooked up with last year was a joke!” China complains while removing her coat. She dropped it revealing A cup breasts, traveling down to at least a size 16 around the hips because she has a lot of ass. China kept her hair in a buzz cut and she colored it different colors but her favorite to flaunt was violet purple. China has almond-shaped chocolate eyes with skin that reminded you of maple syrup. Lips like Megan Good. If Valentina were to ever sleep with a woman it would be China. China was known for being the girl who orchestrated threesomes and orgies. The same men showed up every year with a few new ones sprinkled here and there. All tested and clean, and the Sorority ladies clean as well, some on birth control and enjoying the idea of a man fucking them and releasing their load deep inside of them while the other women needed the men to wear a condom. Some even enjoyed simply having their pussies ate and being fucked by ten-inch dildos. Valentina only had sex with Calvin a while ago and they used a condom because Valentina wasn’t on the pill. Now she was.

The men began to arrive. Some in groups and others by themselves. All of them knew each other except for if you were new to the ASZD parties. All of them were taken off guard when they walked into the loft to find every single woman there naked. The shared looks and mischievous smirks on their faces let Valentina know that this Freaky Friday would be the best so far. Valentina looks down at her lingerie set. She couldn’t do it. She was so shy and the way all these men looked they would probably jump on her. All these butt-naked women walking around with wet pussies. Jada and a Zeta Phi Beta Graduate student named Ariana decided to plan it where the men assumed it would be a 90’s house party for them to arrive in 90’s attire and find all these beautiful black women stripped and ready for dick. Huge fluffy floor pillows surrounded them so they could have the comfort to freak on. 

H-Town Knockin’ da Boots played putting everyone in a vibe. Janelle was a lightweight, already drunk and twirling her petite naked hips to the beat. 

Good lovin', body rockin', knockin' boots all night long, yeah

Makin' love until we tire to the break of dawn

But oh, come on, come on and turn the lights down, and let me get on it, yeah

'Cause when I do, just me and you, it'll be so right

A-give me some good love

(Somebody rockin' knockin' da boots)

A-give me some good love

(Somebody rockin' knockin' da boots) somebody rockin', baby, ooh

 Out of nowhere, Tory shows up behind Janelle wearing paint-splattered overalls and a tye-dye with a backward cap. Janelle looked back at him, biting her lip before bending over to grind her ass further into his crotch.

“That’s little sis ya’ll!” Jada spoke over the microphone before handing it over to Ariana. 

Ariana spoke with her Dominican New York accent, “Time to strip! Let’s get busy!” 

Valentina grabbed her cup of 1800 pineapple to take a long swig of. She needed it in that very moment. Every single one of them was blessed between their legs. Thick and long, curved and wide, lengthy and veiny. Moisturized, all shades of brown and heavy balls to suck on. Dicks swaying and wagging in her face. China was primal next to Valentina. She handed Valentina her cup when she spotted a 6’5 carob-skinned man with shoulder-length dreads and a body that would put Hercules to shame. China climbed that man like a tree, wrapping her plentiful thighs around his chiseled waistline that looked to be carved from stone. His fingers were so long when they squeezed her abundant ass and made it bounce up and down. That long tongue rolled along her neck like Venom. Valentina could not hold it together. She felt her knees wobble. Turning away from China didn’t help because everywhere she looked,  her ASZD girls were either kissing, sucking, dancing, and fucking on a man of their choice. Moans overpowered Ginuwine’s Pony and the heat was turned up in that loft; literally. Valentina’s body was sweating. There was dampness on her forehead, back, chest, and thighs. The moisture between her legs was on a whole other level. The lace fabric of her thong felt slick and slimy. It was so wet that the crotch of the thong kept sliding to the left side of her mound causing her lips to spill out. All the moans had her heart pounding.

Mmm! mhm! ahhhhh! Uhhhh! Umph! Mmmmhhhh! 

“Erik!”

Valentina’s eye cut to the entrance of the loft. Erik was fashionably late and shocked. He was wearing a cropped muscle t-shirt with the Los Angeles Lakers logo on it, some basketball shorts, and a neon 90’s hat that reminded Valentina of the hats that Wesley Snipes wore in White Man Can’t Jump. He looked around like he woke up from a coma. Jada rushes over towards him with her large teardrop breasts bouncing. Jada tried wrapping her arms around Erik’s neck but he was walking away from her with his mindset on reaching Valentina. Valentina felt like she was stuck in a soap opera moment with the way Jada glared at her. 

“Erik, where the fuck are you going? Erik?!” Jada yelled angrily.

Valentina wasn’t surprised that no one reacted to Jada’s loud outburst. Erik took his hand, gripping the back of Valentina’s head, and pulling her in for a searing kiss. His tongue was lethal. Valentina’s eyebrows furrowed and her arms reached out to squeeze his biceps. Erik’s hands gripped her cheeks to keep her steady while his lips and tongue did all the work. She needed to breathe because Erik was literally sucking the air from her lungs with such ferocity Valentina was growing weak. Erik finally stops, Valentina, taking in a deep breath before closing her eyes and rocking backward as if she were dizzy. 

“Why do you still have this on, Val?” Erik looked at her lingerie with raised brows, “Daddy’s here now you can take this off.”

“Out here?” Valentina looked around at all the sex, “In the open?”

“We don’t have to,” Erik rubbed his thumb across her bottom lip, “I want you to myself anyway. I plan on being in you all fucking night so what’s good?”

“We can go to the bedroom,” Valentina sucked on Erik’s thumb, “Please?”

“I got you, ma. Let’s go all this sex got my dick so fucking hard. You gon’ suck Daddy’s dick like I sucked on that pussy earlier?”

Valentina was having flashbacks while leading the way past everyone exploring each other. He was a man of his word when she sat with him at the study table. She wasn’t even sitting there for ten minutes when Erik puts his iPad down looking around him secretly, before lowering his body under the table and crawling between her legs. Erik ripped her panties down the crotch without even taking them off before licking her pussy. He did that about three times before she couldn’t take anymore. The largest bedroom in the loft was where they went. It had a great view of DC. Erik didn’t close the door. Valentina nervously looked towards the bed then over at Erik expectantly. Erik started undressing, Valentina finally having the opportunity to admire him. Broad-shouldered, sturdy, and powerful. The gym had to be his second home. 

“Get on your knees and be Daddy’s good girl. It’s my turn now, baby girl. Show me how freaky you can get on this Freaky Friday.”

“Wait,” Valentina walked towards the door to turn off the lights, “It’s better like this.”

“Nah, turn the lights back on.” 

“But Erik-”

“Valentina flip the switch.” Erik commands, “Do it.”

“Ugh, okay,” Valentina pouts, “It’s just better that way-”

“How am I supposed to see you? Are you tryna hide from me-”

“No, I swear-”

“I think you are,” Erik walked towards her with labored steps but his eyes were gluttonous and his lips were curled up into a wolfish grin, “we're fucking with the lights on. I want to see everything.”

Valentina was moving too slow for him so Erik flicked it on himself. His left hand covered the switch while his right hand elevated her chin to make her look at him.

“Look at those eyes,” Erik bit down on his full bottom lip, “How do you want Daddy to fuck you tonight?”

“Deep and hard,” Valentina spoke softly.

“Let me see that body, ma,” Erik removed his hand from her chin to pull down her left strap to the lingerie she wore, “It’s just me and you. Didn’t I tell you I would take care of you?”

“Mhm, I remember,” She was exposed from the waist up now. Valentina pressed her face into Erik’s solid chest. He uses her hair to pull her back so he could look at her breasts. Large and bell-shaped with tawny colored areolas and nipples. Erik could see her veins under her peanut butter skin. So healthy and hefty. He imagined himself laying on them like pillows. Erik leans down to suck on her breasts while holding them up in his mouth. Valentina weakly nibbled on her bottom lip with a scrunchy nose and eyes shut. Her hand stroked the back of his head, dragging her nails over the faded area of his hair. She could smell lavender castor oil in his hair. While he sucked, his hands pulled down the rest of her lingerie except for her thong. Valentina’s arms wrapped around her stomach. She really wanted the lights off. Erik sensed her insecurity, placing soft kisses up her neck and to her lips again. Valentina melted in his mouth and slowly, her arms fell from around her belly. Erik pulled her body in close almost lifting her from the floor. Valentina giggles against his lips causing Erik to give her a dimpled smile.

“Don’t you ever cover up when you’re with me, okay?”

“Yes, Sir,” Valentina blushes.

“That’s my good girl. Now let Daddy force this dick in your mouth. Show me how you suck now, okay?”

“Yes, Sir,” Valentina got down on her knees, reaching out to pull Erik’s basketball Shorts off. She looked up at him through her lashes while pulling those shorts down that were already poked out in the crotch because of his dick. When Erik’s dick finally sprang free, it hit Valentina in the nose. She went cross-eyed staring at it. Getting into a squat, Valentina grips her Daddy’s dick, bringing her face closer to wrap her juicy lips around the tip of his dick. She began to suck lightly before lowering her lips to try and fit him further inside.

“Good girl deepthroating Daddy, you better try and fit my dick in there before I pop that ass. Give it a nice smack.”

Valentina drooled and slobbered as she controlled her breathing to fit him all in. Screw fucking ten inches of the dildo when you have all this real dick in front of you waiting. He was giving her the dick without even touching her. His hands were behind his back while his hips moved. 

“Open that mouth, BABY, let Daddy put that dick all the way in. Say I love big black dick.”

Valentina slips her mouth off before licking her lips, “I love big black dick,” She spoke timidly.

“Say, I want Daddy’s big black dick in my phat pussy all night,” Erik strokes Valentina’s hair back. 

“I want Daddy’s big black dick in my pussy all night,” She licked his tip.

“Hmm, yes, you knew Daddy would be horny and needed a throat to fuck?”

Valentina nods her head while sucking his dick with her mocha eyes drawing him in.

“You got some sexy ass eyes, ma. Looking up at me like that. Are you gonna suck the cum out this dick and swallow it?”

She blinked at him while nodding her head.

“That pretty face with those big brown eyes looking at me like you want me to turn you out. Stay still so I can fuck your face with this big dick.” Erik fisted Valentina’s hair to keep her still while his hips propelled his dick in and out of her mouth. She gagged and made gurgling noises around his thick pipe each time he went deeper. Valentina and Erik hadn’t noticed a chick from Delta Sigma Theta sucking dick herself outside of the bedroom door while forcing a glass dildo in and out of her pussy. She had a few towels laid out under her butt to soak up her squirting mess. Speaking of squirting, that was exactly what her pussy was doing. She pulled that cream covered glass dildo out and rubbed her clit to help her pussy squirt. The guy getting his dick sucked palmed the back of her head and forced his dick inside so hard and deeply that her nose touched his pelvis. 

“Can you help me bust a nut before I play all in that pussy? I’m tryna give you this big black dick from the back, you little nasty bitch. Hmph, that's my girl.”

UGHH!” Erik snatched Valentina’s lips from his dick, some of his cum shooting on her cheek before her lips hungrily swallowed him whole again to milk him more. He tasted so damn good. Valentina fingered the cum from her cheek to lick clean. She swallowed cum for the first time. Now she wanted some more but Erik was pulling her up from the floor and walking her over to the bed where he arched her body over it. He didn't waste any time spreading her pussy lips apart to munch on her peach. Instantly, Valentina was a fountain in Erik’s mouth. She squirted and squirted each time he sucked on her clit like it was a never-ending popsicle. That was her weakness. LIcking and tongue-fucking her pussy did that job too but when his full lips wrapped around her clit and labia and sucked she wasn’t herself anymore. 

“Fuck, Daddy, stopppppp uhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!” She whimpered with her release. All Erik kept whispering was that she was so wet, so fucking wet, so juicy. 

“Daddy, Daddy, nooooo, umph, Daddy, Umph!!!!!” 

Valentina had Erik’s face between her ass cheeks from how hard she rocked back and forth. Erik slowly but tightly pulled his lips off her clit, finally full with her juices. He wipes his mouth with the back of her hand before rubbing Valentina’s clit. His eyes looked up to see a few chicks in the bedroom, on the bed, rubbing their pussies. They were all eyeing Erik heavily, hoping to have their turn next. They all stared with dripping pussies while finger-fucking and rubbing themselves. It was such an erotic sight. 

“Look what you’ve done,” Erik pops Valentina’s ass, “You got all these bitches in here waiting for me. Look at their fucking faces, come on, do it, bitch,” Erik barked out between clenched teeth while fixing her arch so he could fuck her, “They are so fucking desperate, shit doesn’t make no sense, HOLD THAT PUSSY OPEN WHILE I BEAT IT UP!”

Valentina quickly did what she was told while staring at the women as they moaned and came all over the bed. 

“Yes, Daddy, bang my pussy out,” Valentina begged.

“Can you bang mines out next?” Valentina recognized the face. Her name was Taylor, they had Sophomore English ii together. Tall chick with long lemonade braids in her hair and features that reminded her of Dorothy Dandridge.  A striking beauty. 

“Fuck,” Erik’s dick got harder at that. He grabs Valentina’s cheeks while using his hips to push his dick in. Not only was she wet, but she was also tight too. It felt like a force grabbed hold of his hips to make him push his dick in all the way. It happened so fast, no time for Valentina to get used to him. She clenched him tightly that his dick sank in. She arched further, her head whipping around to give him a dumbstruck look. She was stuffed to the hilt with ten inches of big black dick. 

“Oh my God it’s so thick,” She pants heavily.

All the women around them moaned in unison. A few guys piled into the room to help them out since their pretty pink pussies needed attention from a man and fast. Now, it was like one big orgy. 

“Erik, it’s so big. Daddy, you were right, it’s so huge inside of me! I can’t even move without feeling it in my stomach, Oh! Daddy! Oh! Oh! Oh!” She said that each time Erik dug deep. 

“Listen to how her pussy sounds!” A random guy's voice yelled out. 

“Damn, Erik, yo, she’s creaming all over your shit.” 

“Give it to him baby, it’s okay,” A seductive female voice spoke.

“I just love to watch a big dick nigga fuck some black pussy! Ahhh!” 

 It was multiorgasmic. Just hearing other people getting fucked and watching big black dicks swing in her face with Erik grunting and clawing at her hips while he pounded away inside of her gave Valentina a sexual high. A straight-up fuckfest. Dicks, tits, ass, and pussy. You had women who came to these events with the urge to suck dick. You had other chicks who needed their puss ate out so bad to the point that the person sitting next to them were their victims. China was in that room and Valentina caught a glimpse of her grabbing the back of an ASZD member's neck, bringing her face down and in her puss. 

“Look back and watch this dick while I fuck you,” Erik watched as Valentina looked back at him with her sexy eyes that he couldn’t get enough of. 

“Make a mess on this dick, pussy just creaming while you getting fucked. So you like em’ long and thick, huh?”

“Ummm, yesssss,” Valentina loved the way he stretched her.

“You were built for a big dick in you, huh? Show out, ma, show me how much you love the way I treat this good pussy.”

Erik went still while Valentina bounced off his dick. She was fucking him like she was fucking a dildo suctioned to the wall. Erik just bites down on his lip painfully and watched her ass ricochet off of him. Valentina was throwing that ass in a circle on his dick. 

“Yeah that’s right, fuck me hard. You cumming? You gon’ use Daddy’s big dick to make yourself cum? You gon’ use me, ma? Wet fucking pussy, I need all that, use me, uh-huh, mhm, pussy sound wet as fuck too, throw it back on Daddy’s dick baby girl, yes, you the best, baby, fuckkkkk, cum, cum, I bet this feels amazing-”

“OOOOOOOOO, Uhhhhhhhh!”  Valentina’s ass clapped louder than any other chick in that room while she came on Erik’s rigid pole.

“Long strokes only,” He thrust forward so sharp and sudden making Valentina let out a silent scream.

Fuck, I love it. Why your dick so big like this? Why Daddy? W-why?” She shuddered when he hit her hard from the back. 

“Fill her up so good!”

“She got that phatty too!”

“That’s how you work a pussy.”

“All up in that shit.”

 Valentina’s hair was being pulled as her hands reached out in front of her to grab hold of the sheets. Tears streamed down her cheeks while Erik used all his strength to knock her pussy down and into that bed. The headboard smacked against the wall as he chased his release. 

“Look how far it goes in! Mmm”

“Daddy, I love this dick. I’m yours, I’m all yours, fuck me like this all the time, Be a good Daddy and fuck me like a Daddy would. Make me your little slut, yes, Daddy!”

“GODDAYUM oh yeah, baby, take this dick!!!!!” 

Erik was defeated. He slaps Valentina’s ass causing it to sting as his dick rippled and expanded inside of her to shoot his cum into her pussy like he was busting a cap in her. 

“Fuck my dick with your wet pussy baby! Give me your juices on my dick!”

“Umph, I’m coming, Daddy,” She turns onto her back, pulling her legs back and making that pussy laid out for more.

“Come to Daddy then.” Erik put that dick back inside its rightful place sliding in and out that wet puss.

She felt so warm with a belly full of cum. He still wanted more of Valentina. The night was young. She will offer her wet pussy to him as long as he continued to be the best Daddy and fuck her silly. Exactly what she needs.

@tgigoldie @soufcakmistress @chefjessypooh @chaneajoyyy @pananegra @theblulife @becincere @blaqwidow91 @fish-outta-watah @eyeknowmywrites @crowngold @njadakillthiscookie @blktinkerbell @luvanxi @sheisexcellent1 @chocolatedippedinhoney @brandithecrystalgem @dababydababydababydababy @soulfulbeauty19 @btitannaaa @sunkissedebony97 @youngblackndgifted @harleycativy @rbhp @thee-germanpeach @thadelightfulone @palmstreesallday @skylahb @bakaris-shorty @nizzle-mo @truglori @queenflaws @ljstraightnochaser @theegoldenchild @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @nickidub718 @vikkidc @thehomierobbstark​ @rent-emspoons​ @abluesforlyssa​ @abeautifulmindexposed​ @fd-writes​ @chasingsunlight​ @sickaddiktions​ @munteanhore​ @xo-goldengirl​ @tiava143​ @33kiara​ @honeytoffee​ @asiasblackworld727​ @momobaby227​ @informalmelancholy​ @soulshinechronicles​ @hearteyes-for-killmonger​ @goddessofthundathighs​

[maximumninjavoid]

Mining for Unobtanium 33

Ah, the angst. Oh, here it comes. There’ll probably  be some more smut. But for now? ANGST. Angsty angst. Ninety three followers. Slowly creeping towards 100. Never thought I would see the day. Honestly.

WARNING. Angsty as f*ck. 18 and over, Adult themes. Teh Secks.

I found a job in Thailand, and was negotiating a start date for right around the time he went back to filming. I just hadn't figured out how to actually make my exit. I did what came naturally to me in difficult times. I got out the heavy weight paper, and the good pens and started to write. " Look, love, I've got to go. Its for the best, really. No woman worth you will start dating you with me lurking around, peeking out from behind potted palms. And I KNOW you want a family. A traditional one. Like everyone else in your family. You are perfect husband material, and you're going to be the most doting dad that ever there was. I hope you have a daughter. She will wrap you around her finger like taffy. And enough boys for rugby, of course. You know I still want to be a part of your life, I just know that it may not be possible. I promise you will always know where to find me, and if you really need me, I will always have your six. Text me the phrase we agreed upon, and I will drop everything and be right at your side, as fast as I possibly can. Whenever, wherever. That's my word bond to you. While I draw breath, I am yours. But, Hen, you must understand I love you far too much to keep you from your dreams, or worse, to have you wake one day and see those beautiful eyes tinted with regret or resentment. I couldn't bear it. Find a woman who loves you for you. If you retired, and built ships in boats ( and how DO they do that, anyway?) She should love you just as much as if you were fifty feet tall in Times Square. Make sure she's self entertaining. If you get lost on a quest, she needs to be able to find her own things to do, that she loves, and you'd best encourage those things. Share her passions like I know she will want to share yours. Don't fall for that stalker shite, sugar. I know, I'm going to tease you about that till the Fourteenth of forever. That's funny. Never let your PR people pick your dates. Somebody who's rude to staff or servers or underlings NEVER EVER gets a second date. If KAL doesn't like her, run away, FAST. Find a woman who makes you laugh. And who loves sex and intimacy as much as you do, and make sure she understands that those are two separate things. There will come a time when sex will not be as spontaneous, when you've got to work at making time to be a couple, and not mummy and daddy. Never take each other for granted. Appreciation and honest kind words go so far. Harsh words cause the deepest wounds, tear open the oldest scars. Be gentle with each other. If you can, make her part of your team, and you of hers. Support her work enthusiastically. If you're not worlds away, show up for her things, and the kids things. Nothing is as adorable as the performances of small children, and before you know it, they won't want to spend any time with you..Always foster her independence. It gives her room to grow and she will never run out of ways to contribute. If you give her more than three babies in four years, GET THE WOMAN SOME HELP. And for everyone's sake a nice OLD lady, older than I am. There is no win in the mixture of post partum depression, struggling to get your figure back and some chippie in your house falling all over your husband and "stealing your children".  And that woman who comes to help? Her NDA better be tighter than a camel's ass in a sandstorm. I'm trying so hard to not forget anything. I know you and I know once you read this you're going to be quite cross with me and I won't hear from you for a while. You'll be licking your wounds, as will I.” I stepped out to smoke, it didn't help. This was going to be ugly crying. I blew my nose, splashed cold water on my face, and soldiered on. I picked up the pen, not even enjoying the feel of a good pen in my hand, unappreciative of its heft and balance, giving no fucks about the way it glided across the page. I might as well be writing in my own blood. “Cross with me. My talent for understatement, I suppose. You'll be furious. And I'm sorry. I know, its insulting and insufficient. But I am sorry. And you know I would use the fragments of my broken heart to mend yours, but I am not wizard enough to make this what it can never be. I meant what I said. If you need me, I will be there.  Be honest with her, about what part I play in your well being.... That at some point you may need to surrender your control. That even Daddies need Daddies. And for both your comfort and your honor,  I can promise not to annihilate your marriage vows while providing that for you. You CAN do what it is we do with out sex. It just isn’t as fun. I don't think now that you've opened Pandora's box that it will close easily. I believe the things you've found there resonate too deeply for you to just dismiss them. It is why you came looking in the first place, because you knew that those pieces were missing, there were voids to be filled. But remember, you can’t play these reindeer games with everyone. This can’t get out, can’t be public, so be careful.  I know your heart, I have the measure of you. I have no concerns that you'll be callous or unnecessarily cruel. You'll find that edge and ride it like some fucking prize stallion in a steeplechase, but you won't ever be abusive and there will always be love and passion behind what you do, its who you are. Thank you my dearest, for allowing me the opportunity to pass on my skills, and my knowledge. The people that taught me would be so pleased to meet you, to see your heart, your passion, your skill. Bless you for letting me tell you my stories. I know now that they will not disappear. You will never know how much of a gift that was for me, and I can never repay you. All my love in this life and the next..... And I signed it. I folded it and put it in the envelope, and started gathering my things. Time was running out. I sent a box or two back to the States, made arrangements for someone to look after my house, and researched flights. I could be in Bangkok in less than three days, and with a negative Covid test, no quarantine. Going back to work would get me out of my own head, and I knew, if I stayed there, in my head;  very bad things were in store for me. They had sent my visas, my work documentation, they emailed my offer letter, and had sent an open ended return ticket. Most of what I needed I could obtain when I got there, and the idea of having a custom tailored wardrobe was very appealing. Plus,  its a rainforest jungle. Shorts and t shirts, wraps, sandals, not much more than that, really. Maybe a swimsuit or two. With my vacation days I could see all the places on my bucket list and or do medical tourism. Its funny, to be gone for this long and have it not be that big of a deal, in a pandemic. No one was even looking for me. Now I needed to start working on the Long Goodbye. When he came home that evening I had dinner waiting.  Kal's dinner too. I wasn't fucking around. Soft lights, candles, that red wine he liked, I wasn't going to miss a trick. I was all put together, everything shaved, lotioned, make up that looked like I hadn't any make up. I mean, I can't do fresh faced anymore. During dinner we talked and I worked so hard not to lose it completely. I smiled and laughed in the appropriate places, held up my end of the conversation. At the conclusion of the meal I started to tidy up and he followed me into the kitchen. Music was playing and I was humming as I did the dishes. I didn't realize he was leaning against the doorway, watching me. He crossed the space in just a few steps, one arm at my waist and spun me around to face him. I squeaked, startled. He smiled and pulled me in for a kiss, took my hand and danced around the kitchen with me ...... Henry singing  in my ear "Ooooh, I been missing you And the way you make me feel inside What can I do? I can tell you’ve got your pride now, baby Come to me (oh well, oh well) Let me ease your mind (oh babe) I’ve got the remedy, yes I do Now give me just a little time (Here in my mind, Girl, I wanna shake you down) I wanna rock you down (I can give you all the lovin you need) I’m gonna love you (Come on let me take you down) Oh well or well (We’ll go all the way to heaven)* Gregory Abbott “ Shake You Down” I was pulled up tight against him, one of his legs in between mine as we slow danced,  my head on his shoulder, I was practically purring. Back in the day we called that cock dragging. He led magnificently, I didn't think about how clumsy I usually was or where my feet were going, he just guided me around the kitchen singing to me, dancing. I looked up at him, lost in those deep soulful eyes....

" You were three when this song came out" I laughed. " I have several older brothers and the music you love brings back great memories. " As the song ended he dipped me, practically to the floor, and I didn't panic. His strong arms had me I was secure and knew I wouldn't fall. Well, not from being dipped.He ran his tongue up my sternum, between my breasts, up my neck to finally claim my mouth.

@indigosaurus​ @fishcustardandclintbarton​ @tinareher​ @whyyoudothistomecavill​ @littlefreya​ @angryschnauzer​ @dancingwendigo​

@michellemybelles-world​ @geraltsbottomsbottom​

[itsjulesharper]

When we left our intrepid characters, Philippe had stupidly and against all sense, charged off on his own, in the night, without guards (yeah, this would never happen) to the Bastille to find out who this mysterious Duc de Sullun is. And promptly got hit on the nopper. Louis meanwhile, thinks he is hot shit because of all the awesome lights and running water he’s given to his people. JUST LOVE MEEEEEE.

So somehow, Philippe has made it back home to bed, and Liselotte is leaning over him while he is disorientated and half-awake. He looks awful. Bontemps is heard saying, “nothing to worry about, your Highness.” (WRONG form of address – should be ‘your royal Highness’. And so it starts.) Did Bontemps clonk Philippe? Of course, he was acting all forms of suspicious last ep, so he was most obvs. there to swoop in and bring Philippe back. Can’t have a royal prince of France just getting all KILLED without a guard or backup or anything, can we?? Anyways, the doctor says he has a mild concussion and Bontemps adds, “caused no doubt, by the fall.” WHAT FALL. So this is the narrative being spun by suspect Bontemps, eh? “I didn’t fall, ” mumbles Philippe. “I was hit.” There is blood on the pillow and the camera focus goes from clear to fuzzy then back again and everyone is concerned and I am concerned that they keep calling him YOUR HIGHNESS FFS. Philippe wants to talk to his brother but Liselotte says he’s not going anywhere. Philippe mumbles stuff about ‘the mask’ and Bontemps looks quite a bit shitty while Liselotte is all confused and Philippe goes on: “his eyes… one of the prisoners… was wearing a mask.” Bontemps tells the doctor to ensure he gets the rest he needs, Philippe finally falls asleep and we are into the intro.

In the gardens, and Louis and Leopold are in a frantic battle of swords, with lots of clanging and thrusting and grunting and moving about. Leopold finally elbows Louis in the face and draws blood, and Louis looks quite shocked. Bontemps makes a step forward but Marchal puts a hand on his shoulder. Not yet. Louis gives Leopold a look, wipes his nose and turns away… but Leopold advances and Louis whirls, blocking the thrust and they continue to clash. Louis lands a blow on the other man’s kidneys and he advances again before a breath can be caught. They grapple and struggle and in the struggle, Leopold manages to disarm Louis, taking both swords. Louis is shocked and angry (as you would be) and we hear the tiniest sound of a blade being drawn, then see Marchal step forward as he slides his dagger from his belt *heart eyes*.  Leopold takes a breath then lowers both swords, his point proven. Bontemps says loftily, “It is customary for the king’s adversary to bow after the fight.” Leopold, looking sweaty and spent, answers: “In Austria it is customary for the loser to bow.” Bontemps ain’t havin’ any of that: “This is not Austria, your Majesty. This is Versailles.” (Not YOUR MAJESTY, UGGGGH). There’s a bit of a Mexican standoff and we see shitty Bontemps, mouth breathing Louis, Leopold looking from every face and gauging the mood and how much he can get away with. Finally he inclines his head (not at ALL like a proper bow) And offers Louis’ sword back. Louis takes it in silence.

And next scene we are walking back into Versailles. Louis says, “a clever ploy. A vicious attack hidden behind a show of weakness.” Leopold replies, “History remembers the winner, not the manner of his victory.” Ah, so now we are on the subject of winners, and Louis says it is time to enter negotiations. Leopold received word from Rome and they ‘look favourably on your guardianship of Strasbourg and Luxembourg.’ Louis is pleased and now wants to discuss Spain. Sure, your Majesty go right ahead, because I am taken by the lovely staircase and marble everywhere. Ahhhh, now they are talking about their ‘deal’ – on King Charles of Spain’s death, they split the spoils. Louis replies that much has changed since that deal. Leopold is all ‘such as?’ and Louis leans in and says tightly, “I won the war.” Before Leopold can reply, the queen floats down the stairs, asking who won. Of course she is talking about the duel, and Leopold says “His Majesty was kind enough to allow me victory.” The queen is concerned for Louis’ bloody nose, but he’s ‘meh, it’s nothing’ about it. Her gaze darts from Leopold to Louis, then back again and Louis picks up on the weirdness, saying that she seems…. “tired.” Huh. Not what I would’ve gone with, but there you go. Nothing that can’t be remedied by a walk in the gardens, it seems. And just look at Leopold – a ‘yeah, I shagged you last night and it was goooood’ expression if ever I saw one.

how you doin’?

The queen looks flustered, bobs a curtsey and hurries down the steps, and Louis does not see her or her lady’s smiles as they float off. Leopold turns to Louis: “how much of Spain do you want?” Louis answers tightly, “All of it,” then continues up the stairs. Leopold sighs, glances back down to the queen in the distance then goes on his way.

*historical note: Louis did indeed demand Spain as part of his wife’s dowry because at the time, he knew Spain could not pay the monies he wanted and so, the ‘we give you money in exchange for the ‘not challenging the throne of Spain” agreement was forfeit. It was also expected that King Charles of Spain (the queen’s brother and also in possession of the mighty Hapsburg jaw) wouldn’t live very long. He surprised them all by living until he was nearly thirty-nine.  He was born in 1661, a year after his sister Marie-Therese was married to Louis and so was living in France. She was 22. 

that art on the wall – lulz.

so pretteh….

We are back with Philippe, and he is finally on his feet, shuffling along and holding his head but still in a daze. He goes into one of Louis’ private salons and Louis and Bontemps are there, Louis telling him he really should be in bed. Dazed and confused, he sits, and Bontemps butts in with his prepared standard line – that Philippe had ‘an unfortunate accident.’ But nuh-uh Philippe is not here for that mansplaining shit. But Bontemps is really invested in this, even going so far as to say that he spoke with the governor who assured him that Philippe SLIPPED AND FELL. Nup. Philippe calls bullshit on that, saying he went to the Bastille to see the prisoner, then was struck, and that the prisoner wore a mask of iron. And I must say, Louis is rather calm after hearing a prince of France not only went to the Bastille ALONE and without guards, but was hit. He says he was told that the prisoner’s real name was Macquart. Philippe is confused and now we hear the lie Bontemps has settled on – the prisoner is a petty criminal and of unsound mind, believing himself to be an actual duke, so the guards gave him the title of le duc de Sullun to appease him. But why that name? Apparently, ‘Sullun’ is latin – the reverse of ‘nullus’, meaning ‘no one’. And the man in the iron mask does not exist, Louis explains, and it is all in Philippe’s head. Bontemps watches them both in silence but his expression is not quite right but I am suddenly distracted by what Louis is wearing. Look at it! Louis tells Philippe to go back to bed and the scene becomes blurry.

We are back in the gardens and Leopold is striding around, obvs looking for the queen to remind her of teh sexytimes they both had. How indiscreet of him. He finds her nervously undercover of some trees and does his best alpha male impression by silently going over to her, cupping her face and going in for a neck snog. The queen doth protest, overcome by some late shyness/modesty/guilt/loyalty I suppose. Why not? Leopold asks. “You will soon be gone,” she softly replies. Oh, okay. “It will only increase the pain of your departure,” she adds when he wants to just snog it out and enjoy each other. He looks frustrated, asks if he can trust her, that he needs her help. “Your husband is trying to destroy the dynasty that our ancestors have spent six hundred years creating. He will claim all of Spain on your brother’s death. The Hapsburgs will soon be extinct.” The queen is concerned and wants to know what he intends to do about it. “I will stop him.” But how? Oh, apparently his niece Eleanor will marry the queen’s brother, Charles. Plus he wants the queen to write a letter to her brother recommending the union. The queen asks why she should help him, so he plays the “you are a Hapsburg” card, plus the ‘your husband just wanted you for political stuffs, not you as a woman’ guilt trip. Wheeee. He rubs it right in: “He abandoned you the day he married you. Since then, his only gifts have been solitude and infidelity.” The scene cuts to the queen with parchment and quill, thinking what to write, then goes back to them in the garden where they finally kiss WHERE ANYONE CAN SEE THIS, and we have three close-ups of the queen’s ruby ring and THIS IS SIGNIFICANT so take note of it. The queen’s voiceover is then heard: “My dear brother Charles. I am writing to you concerning marriage…”

*Historical note: they mess up the real time lines so much it makes my head spin. Charles of Spain married in 1679 at the age of eighteen to …..SPOILER!!!! Philippe’s favourite daughter, Marie-Louise. She was 17. Can you see how confused I am – are we in 1679? Or 1674 because baby Philippe was born then? Or 1667, when the street lights were first on? Or….  …..SPOILER!!!! 1683 when the queen dies? UGH. FRUSTRATED.  😫

Now back in the salons and we hear the Chevalier holding court, saying “they say that at Villarceaux she spent her nights on her back in bliss, and her days on her knees in penance.” Chortle, chortle. “If you want my opinion – and I’m sure you do-” He suddenly is cut short by the appearance of Maintenon in the doorway, Delphine beside her, and he skilfully changes with subject with “the question is… what colour for the forthcoming season? Blue or green?” The two women blithely stroll and mingle while everyone gossips (CHAIRS WITH ARMS NOOOOO 😡😡) and I’m loving the look of that dark-haired noble behind Liselotte. So very mysterious. We follow Maintenon, and suddenly we see Louis’ last bedmate gossiping with the other demoiselles, saying “behind that air of prudishness, she’s quite the slut. And the next time I see the king, I’ve a good mind to tell him about it.” Silly chit. We know how this is gonna end, don’t we? (but also – look at those gowns!!) And look at this screen cap, which I loooove. Look at the demoiselle’s expression over her shoulder. And the two messieurs behind Delphine, just waiting for a scene.

Delphine is at a loss as to who everyone is talking about, and is shocked when Maintenon confirms she is the subject of all the gossip. Of course there’s no truth to the rumours, she assures Delphine, then excuses herself. She glides, head held high, out the doors and then leans against the stone wall, taking unsteady breaths. The camera pans around and Bontemps appears. “her ladyship seems upset.” (WAT LULZ. Not the correct way to address a marquise, ffs……) “Tell me, Bontemps,” she starts a little out of breath. “Do you consider it the mark of nobility to destroy a lady’s reputation with sordid gossip and lies?” errr…. no. Bontemps looks a bit out of his depth. She nods. “Neither do I.” And she floats off. So now Bontemps is all het up and goes into the salon, all curious-like. He looks a bit shitty as he sees the gossip girl laughing with her gossip friends and then the scene cuts back to Maintenon, who appears to be stomping about and looking for someone. Ahhh. Madame de Montespan. Montespan greets her politely but Maintenon gets right into it, accusing her of being behind the rumours. Montespan claims her innocence – “Why would I do such a thing?” – and Maintenon comes back with the old and favourite ‘you’re just jealous’. Montespan finds that amusing, says it is the other way around, that she was ready to risk everything, while Maintenon is not. And then… ahahahhhhhaaaaaa! She says, “is it true you put other women in his bed?” And I LAUGH AND LAUGH because as I mentioned in Ep1, this is what the real Montespan did, and the real Maintenon tried her earnest to keep women OUT of Louis’ bed because of all the sinning and stuffs. Well, apparently the king has needs that must be satisfied and these women mean nothing to him, says Maintenon with much conviction. Yeah, but nup. Montespan has her number, can see the other woman is scared. Of what? “Of your own passion. You are scared that if you give in to it, you will lose control. You take refuge in piety and denial but behind the mask you’re just screaming with pain.”

Next scene – Leopold is studying paperwork in his rooms with his Austrian Bontemps, niece Eleanor reading a book in the corner, and he is told King Charles is expecting their imminent arrival. How is Leopold going to approach the negotiations, his Austemps asks. The same as Louis – “Lie, haggle, concede, coerce, protest…. and smile.” When his man reminds Leopold the king is dangerous and starts to offer advice, Leopold gets a bit shitty. He does not need advice: “This is a game of cards. The prize is Spain and I have the trump card.” DISMISSED, AUSTEMPS.

Right, so Louis enters the small prayer room where Maintenon has perched her carcass. Again. She turns. Louis is shitty. “There is talk in the salon.” Oh, I’ll bet there is. He wants to know if there is any truth in it. “No, Sire. It is scurrilous gossip designed to destroy my reputation.” DEAR LORD, MAINTENON. You could’ve come clean. He was offering you the prime opportunity to tell him all about it. And so you LIE, knowing how he feels about liars. *headdesk* Louis is annoyed because it also damages his reputation. Maintenon kisses ass: “The king must know he has my total trust. I only pray I have his.” Right-o, sowing the seeds for when she finally does tell the truth, then. He gives her a look then says, “come with me.”

Back in Leopold’s rooms and Eleanor wants to go to the salons. “No, you will stay here and practice your embroidery.” (Lulz) ���Embroidery is for spinsters.”😆 He gives her a champion side eye – she needs to show a little more humility and respect… oh, and befriend the queen. Eleanor isn’t impressed – the queen seems dull to her. She’s a Habsburg, dammit. And you will talk to her about Spain. Ugh. Srsly. How boring. Eleanor seems lovely and bouncy like a teenager often is, looking for fun and excitement. But Leopold doesn’t care for that: “You are only here because I have a use for you.” Eleanor looks shitty, as would I. “Yes, Uncle.”

Bontemps doing his now-standard shitty look.

Right-o, so Louis enters the salon after Bontemps announces him, and everyone stops gossiping and playing cards and does the usual stand/bow/curtsey. He looks shitty, and Maintenon behind him looks apprehensive, and then he announces “To lie is a sin. To slander is a sin. To seek to destroy someone through unfounded gossip is a sin. A woman close to me who does great honour to this court has seen her reputation stained by the poison of gossip. In harming her, you harm your king. This will stop. Now.” The camera pans to Maintenon, then to the Gossip Girl as Louis turns to look at her and – we learn her name is Mademoiselle de Vasseur – tells her she is no longer welcome at Versailles. The camera pans to a few faces: the shocked and controlled-panicky Vasseur, Maintenon who follows Louis as he leaves, Liselotte with a tight expression, Montespan as Vasseur rushes from the room while whispers start. Liselotte approaches Montespan, says the girl is innocent. Montespan: Nobody here is innocent. Liselotte: You started those rumours. Montespan: They’re not rumours, they’re true. She deserves to be punished for her past, just as I was.

Liselotte leaves while Bontemps gives Montespan the most shittiest look eva.

The music swells (LOOOOOVE the music!) and we are outside, in the coeur d’honneur following a hooded female figure all the way up to the guards who cross their weapons and TAH-DA it is the return of Sophie! “I think you’d probably better arrest me.”

Scene cut to Marchal walking through to his office dungeon, and he gives a sigh, turns and sees Sophie standing there. Then a conversation is had about where she’s been (Holland) and why she was there (Thomas told her) and what she is doing now (being a double agent, apparently. Working for William of Orange as a spy but telling Marchal all about it). Marchal looks rather intimidating, circling her and meeting her eyes and getting very close, but Sophie looks very cool and calm. Now they are both before Louis and he is all “A spy. Here at Versailles.” She spins her story, saying she refused to spy, that she was not suited, that she then escaped by seducing the guard then taking refuge in convents and taverns on the way home. Huh. A likely story. Louis is a bit shitty at the thought of her wanting to reclaim her title and fortune (Cassel’s fortune), and Sophie is all “I place myself at your mercy, sire.” Louis is not fooled. “Lock her up.” Sophie plays her trump card, blurting out that William of Orange’s army is on the march, 10,000 men headed to Austria to support Emperor Leopold. Louis’ WTF face is so funny 😄 Interesting that Sophie gives up some info to ‘prove’ her innocence, yet that info can’t immediately be confirmed or denied. Of course, Marchal is gonna make enquiries to confirm it and meanwhile she remains locked up.

We are back with Philippe, who is fully dressed on the bed, contemplating…. something. He slowly sits up and with a determined look, heads to see Louis. Bontemps looks surprised to see him, says the doctor was most insistent. “He is no longer my doctor. And I know what I saw.” Bontemps looks worried as Philippe continues on, and Bontemps strides off to see a guard, instructing him to go to the stables and prepare a horse and messenger to leave immediately for Rome.

The queen is teaching Eleanor Spanish in the queen’s rooms as they play cards, the younger girl asking questions about “the king, your brother” saying she must miss him and I am UGH NO HE WAS BORN IN 1661, A YEAR AFTER SHE LEFT SPAIN TO MARRY LOUIS. The queen is coolly “yes, I miss him terribly,” (reminder: MARRIED) and she has his portrait to remind her of him (the original was painted by Claudio Coello).  Eleanor is holding back the ewwww when the queen says “it’s not his fault he was born that way. As you can imagine, he suffers, but he has a noble heart.” Eleanor is so not impressed.

*historical note: Charles of Spain was the last of the Hapsburgs and had a shit load of physical and mental challenges, due to a history of consanguineous unions (uncles marrying nieces, cousins to cousins. Louis and the queen were actually first cousins, as their parents were brother and sister) . If you are interested in reading more about the doomed Hapsburg dynasty there was a fascinating study done in 2009 in science journal PLOS One on the role of inbreeding in the European royal dynasty here. 

Leopold does not like what Louis proposes for their negotiations. “If you claim all of Spain and its territories you will trigger a war with every country in Europe!” Louis is not deterred, because yo, he has won one war and his army is well-prepared for another. Leopold is mucho angry:  it would be a war without end. “I want what is mine,” Louis replies. “You think everything is yours,” is Leopold’s reply. Louis is all casual-like: “What will you do if the Turks advance on Vienna? Hope it rains? Or are you counting on the rabble that is William of Orange’s army?” Leopold’s expression is ‘uh-oh’ as Louis delivers his persuasive argument – “the only person who can protect you is me.” But Leopold says that the pope will never approve of giving Spain to Louis. More negotiations – Louis says he’ll only take 80%, Leopold says ‘nup, nuh-uh.’ Better start Turkish lessons, then.

Next scene…. Philippe riding ALONE through the woods and minus any guard or escort. I am wondering if this horrid oversight of what it actually means to be a prince of France is deliberately ignored in order to show the viewer that he is very bad-ass and fiery and will do whatever TF he wants. But it backfires on this viewer. It is stupid. We see a nice shot of the Bastille and then we are inside, where Philippe is talking to the head guard and we learn that the dude in the room that Philippe said contained the Iron Mask Man has cut his wrists. We see this dude – Macquart – obvs dead, face down on the desk and with blood on the floor. Philippe lifts up the dead man’s head, and he knows it is not the one who was originally there. We cut to the jailer, who is looking just a wee bit nervous, then Philippe asks “Who struck me?” but the jailer is still going with the ‘slipped and fell’ defence and Philippe is not happy about that. He also says the dead man wore a mask of iron….aaaaand the jailer is all confused and “Your Highness, there is no prisoner wearing such a thing,” which we all know is total bullshit because we have seen it all with our own eyes. The body is removed, the jailer bows and Philippe is left standing in the room looking a bit frustrated and sighing mightily. Then he spots the words “KILL ME” carved in the stone wall. He turns and walks out, past a ranty and smelly-looking poor sod in a cage outside. Philippe pauses with a brief sad smile, does the whole “Do you know who I am?” to which the ranty dude says “I know you better than you know yourself.” then it sounds like he says “Philippe of Gutter and Arsewipe and Good Dung.” My French subs say “of gutter and dung” which is about right. Philippe is amused, asks if he knew of the (now dead) man in the cell. “Everybody knows him, nobody knows him, if you know what I am saying. Don’t look him in the eyes, he’ll eat you up.” Is he still alive? Philippe wants to know. Dude gets a bit angry: “he’s undead! You can’t kill him!” But Philippe is also angry and all “did he wear a mask?!!” Ranty Man sticks to his story: “He will kill you with his eyes!” and then we hear other noises and Philippe has had enough, striding out as Ranty Man finishes with “Cain, brother of Abel. Two brothers drenched in blood and cursed forever!” which is pretty much a dead giveaway to what is to come.

Right, so back in the gardens of Versailles and…. okay, the Chevalier is strolling arm-in-arm with Liselotte, while two servants walk behind with the baby, looking all cosy as a couple. Also  WEIRD AF because historically those two hated each other at this stage, only calling a truce much later in life when everyone was older and (I guess) tired of fighting about shit. Maintenon bows her head at Liselotte’s greeting and she asks to admire the petit prince and everyone smiles and looks on adoringly. Then Maintenon looks all concerned and serious and I know some shit is gonna go down because she is Maintenon the cow and knows Liselotte was part of the rumour spreading. “If I may. I don’t mean to seem impertinent, but I think you are making a grave mistake by keeping him here.”

baby Philippe ahhhhh!

WAT.

The Chevalier gives Liselotte a look, and Liselotte is all calm and “is that so?” Maintenon replies: “Well, it is not the right environment for a child.” (and I laugh and laugh because LOUIS HAS ALL HIS KIDS THERE, and for fucksake, if it is good enough for HIS HEIRS then it is good enough for everyone else!) Liselotte, comes back with a polite fuckyou:

Kindly shut the fuck up.

Liselotte: May I ask what gives you the right to tell me how to look after my child? Maintenon: I was a governess. Liselotte: Yet never a mother. Maintenon: (expression a bit tight) Alas, no. Liselotte: You’d think one of your many lovers would solve that problem. Maintenon: (after a pause) It would seem your reputation for honesty and integrity is ill-deserved.

Then Maintenon flies off on her broom glides away while the Chevalier smacks his lips and says “well, that went well,” and Liselotte is much disturbed by what just transpired. (Narrator: As well she should. Much wtfuckery is about to explode. EXPLODE, I TELL YOU! 😡)

We are back with Louis and his ministers, and Colbert is flicking annoyedly through the pages of a ledger, saying that their monies to finance their expansion into the Americas and to fortify their borders will add another two million to the deficit. UUUUGH. More pesky money talk and Louis can’t quite believe that he doesn’t have an endless pit of money to allow him to run the country as he sees fit. (Sames, Louis, sames) He demands that his people respect the law i.e. pay the taxes they simply cannot afford. So begins the rise of Tyrant Louis in all his splendour, setting the stage for an obvious revolt later on. Colbert is annoyed and frustrated. Then Bontemps enters and says he’s discovered the source of the Maintenon rumours. Louis knows without Bontemps confirming: “bring her to me.”

We are back in Paris, with Guillaume and Jeanne in their eh-by-gum Yorkshire workshop where they are stressing about taxes. G thinks his workers are just being slackers, and demands to know who hasn’t paid their taxes because his is an upstanding, law abiding citizen. Some workers say they haven’t – they don’t like the hike: “the king’s gone too far.” Thus ensues a resigned exchange: “if you want us to pay more taxes, give us more money.” “If I pay you more money, the business will fold.” “Whether we work or not, most of us are gonna die in rags and poverty.”

Back at Versailles and we have a stunning-looking Montespan going before Louis. His back is turned, Bontemps says “there is a piece of paper on the table. You will read it aloud then sign it.” So with great trepidation she reads: “I, the Marquise de Montespan, do hereby renounce and relinquish my place at the court of Versailles. I pledge to sever all contact with anyone I may know at the palace and will take no further part in court life. I shall devote the rest of my days to prayer and charitable work. I have sinned and I accept my penance.” She signs as Bontemps tells her her affairs are in order, and a carriage will take her to the convent of Sainte Ursule, never return to court. Montespan is clearly shaken, says, “a condemned normally has a right to a last word before being led away.” Louis does not turn around as she begins: “where I once saw the warm face of a man, I now see the stone face of a tyrant. You treat those around you like slaves and you place yourself beyond mortal sway. But remember the story of Icarus – fly to close to the sun and you will fall and drown.”

Bontemps always seems to be in a state of shitty side-eyes

There is a pause: Louis looks so very shitty, like a petulant child suffering a parental scolding. Finally he says (still not turning around), “the dance is over. Go.” And so Montespan leaves. Louis says to Bontemps, “In time I will forgive her. But I will never forget.” And there we have it. The end of Montespan’s reign. We see her in slo-mo through the corridors, music swelling as she makes her final walk past the courtiers, her face a mask of tight control. Maintenon watches her go then turns on her heel, slo-mo walking towards the camera that smug, nasty little witch.

*Historical note: Montespan did indeed leave Versailles for a convent but it happened over time. First she was moved to a less favourable apartment in 1685, then in 1687 Louis changed his visiting times.   She was consoled from this fall from favour by seeing her children married off well, then in 1691 she finally left court to the convent Saint-Joseph in Paris’ Rue de Saint-Dominique, where Louis allocated her an allowance of 500,000 francs.  You can read more about her here. 

The scene cuts to Maintenon in her rooms, now lounging nekkid in the bath, and Louis the creeper is watching her through the gap in the door. She stands, wraps herself in a sheet and is surprised to see Louis in the shadows. She wants to know how long he’s been there, and he acts like a teenager, kind of stuttering and getting her robe. Right. They stand before a glorious mirror, and she thanks him for what he said in the salons, in defence of her honour. (what honour UUUUGH) and then he goes in for a snog and she is more than willing to let him, even as she whispers “Please don’t. I can’t.” More snogging, a bit of va-jay-jay grabbing, which seems to snap her out of it, breaking away and hissing, “Enough. His majesty takes advantage of his station.” ?????? WTF. Louis is angry: “sometimes I don’t know what my station is with you.” And Maintenon is all “I would ask you to leave.” He does in a mighty huff but she stops him with an offering: “The Marquise de Quincy awaits his majesty in his room.” Nice pimpin’ there, Maintenon. Louis turns and storms off, while Maintenon sits and looks a bit stressed but most def. does not cry as you would expect one would when you send the man you love INTO ANOTHER WOMAN’S BED.

And there Louis is, entering his room as a pretty marquise obediently sits on his bed and removes her robe. Louis’ expression is all ‘ugh’ and quite a bit shitty but hey, lets not allow feelings and stuffs to get in the way of a tumble in the sheets, eh?

Meanwhile, Leopold is in his room, quaffing from that FABULOUS GLASSWARE, and his door slowly opens to reveal the queen. And so they engage in some shagging after she tells him she wrote the letter.

Louis stands and stares melancholic from his window as Bontemps enters, and he bids his servant to come join him a moment. He is in a mood: “Everyone looks at a king and says ‘I would give anything to be in his place. All he wants is his.’ But they see only the surface. They see nothing of the shadows below.” Bontemps: “No one has all he wants, sire. Not even a king.” Louis replies cryptically, “From the darkest shadow springs the brightest light.”

A shot of the fountain now and is it daybreak or sunset? We follow Marchal walking a dingy corridor with keys, leading us to Sophie in a cell. Has he come to torture her? “My men have checked every detail of your journey from Holland. It seems you are telling the truth.” And so, the king has given permission for her release. “You are once again, the duchesse de Cassel.” Yeah, but nah. Marchal still does not trust her and I am on his side with that. Something just seems off with it all. “You may be free,” Marchal drawls, “but whatever you do, whoever you talk to, wherever you go, I’ll be watching you.” Sophie casually walks past him, looking a little flirty. “Even when I return to my chambers?” Marchal watches her go with a suspicious eye and I am all OKAY THEN.

We are in the chambers of Liselotte, where she is cooing over baby Philippe’s cot. Look at her face! What a lovely domestic motherly scene. PITY IF SOMETHING WERE TO HAPPEN TO IT. Liselotte is all heart eyes “Philippe, he smiled! Come and look!” Meanwhile, Philippe is moping on the bed, while she breathlessly says “look at those blue eyes! Aren’t they beautiful!” And still Philippe looks mega-shitty and now I AM SO ANNOYED because Real Philippe absolutely adored his children and it physically pains me to see him portrayed as a spoilt, moody asshole. But wait, ‘blue eyes’ hits a chord with him and we can practically see his brain starting to click and turn. BLUE EYES. And he storms off without a word. UGH.

Philippe stomps into Marchal’s dungeon (WITHOUT GUARDS yet again), asks if the name Marcquart means anything to him, then relates what he knows – a thief in the Bastille, face hidden behind an iron mask, then a dead body is removed. The first man had blue eyes, the dead man, brown. Philippe needs Marchal’s help to get to the bottom of it, but bummer, Marchal only serves the king. “Don’t see this as work. See this more of… say…. leisure activity.” LULZ the look on Marchal’s face. 

Murder investigation for fun? I AM SO THERE.

your people? errr…. they love you.

We are back in Louis’ rooms and Guillaume is measuring him for shoes, Jeanne taking notes. “Tell me about the mood of the people in Paris,” Louis suddenly says. G is all ‘wtf now?’ before he says “they are happy, sire. To be ruled by so generous a monarch.” But hey, aren’t they unhappy with paying their taxes? “nothing that isn’t cured by hard work, sire.” Louis continues to fish, saying that surely there are some who despise their king. AS IF Guillaume would go “oh, yeah. Let me give you their names.” ? Instead he placates, says there will always be those who don’t think of the glory of France, who think only of themselves…. while Jeanne’s expression is quite a bit ‘ugh.’ She finally says, “they are hungry.” and Bontemps butts in with “mind your tongue” and I am really, REALLY starting to dislike Bontemps this season. Louis wants to hear, however, and goes on a bit of a condescending monologue, like they are both children: “You must understand that a king is only there to serve his people and his country, to defend the land, to develop trade and commerce. To pay for construction. All these things require money. (MANSPLAINING a king’s duties) And the only way to raise money is through taxation. Is that so wrong?” Jeanne: It is. If it bleeds the people dry. Louis: SHOCKED FACE. Jeanne: The people his majesty claims to serve believe he serves only personal ambition.

Let me mansplain being a king to you.

The music becomes ominous as Guillaume tries to backtrack, but Jeanne will have none of it. She means what she says. Louis steps to her, gives her a death stare and says, “But you are wrong. I do not seek glory for myself but for France.” (But you are France, Louis. Srsly). Jeanne: Your people care little for the glory of France, sire. They are grateful for clean water and lighting, but neither will fill their stomachs. Louis steps away, looks thoughtful, then thanks them for their honesty. And as they leave, Guillaume is furious. “Have you lost your mind?” Jeanne retorts: “have you lost your origins?” They have a hushed argument about being ungrateful for the king’s favour, how she told Louis the truth, would he have her lie? YES! says G. Why? Because he’s the king! And interestingly, here we see the seeds of motivation for Jeanne. This makes sense. Her character makes sense. We see her in her Ordinary World, we see her struggles and her conflict, dealing with the people around her, and so as time goes on, we understand her motivation for all she does. Unlike Agathe in Season 2, who was just ‘down with the tyrant king!’ without any real reason WHY.

Now we are in a salon with Marchal, and he approaches Philippe. He has news – his agents in Paris say Marcquart was a harmless petty thief, just trying to feed his family. “So what was he doing in the Bastille?” Philippe asks. Marchal: “He was not in the Bastille.”

Duh-DUH. Orchestra, play something dramatic.

We’re walking with Leopold and his Bontemps now, and Leo confirms the pope will look favourably upon the match… and right now I am most concerned with the huge and disturbing absence of PEOPLE. There is a distinct lack of people in Versailles and it is hugely distracting to me. Servants, courtiers, guards, ministers… where ARE THEY??? no one was hardly ever alone in Versailles, there were bodies E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E. But these corridors and halls are empty and there only seems to ever be a handful of people in the salons or strolling about the gardens.

Gonna leave you tomorrow. So sad.

Anyways, Leo enters Louis’ rooms – he has good news and bad. Good news – he’s decided he is gonna give 80% of Spain to Louis upon Charles’ death. He says he’s had enough of war, he wants peace and stability. And the bad news? Leo is leaving. They hug, they smile and tonight they will celebrate the signing of their agreement.

BUT WAIT…. FORGET THAT. One of the most GTFO scenes is just about to happen. STRAP IN.

Liselotte is in her rooms, cooing over baby Philippe when we hear the doors open. Bontemps, two guards and mega-cow Maintenon walk in. ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?????? Liselotte’s expression drops. “No. Please. Don’t take him away. Let me talk to the king.” Bontemps: It is the law of the palace, your Highness. I am sorry (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK NO IT IS NOT) A guard steps forward and Liselotte pushes him away and WAT. Another guard grabs her and holds her back and I AM IN A FUCKING RAGE BECAUSE SHE IS A PRINCESS OF FUCKING FRANCE WHAT THE FUCK. Liselotte screams, the baby cries (A PRINCE OF FRANCE FOR FUCKSAKE!) “Take him away and you take away my heart,” Liselotte sobs, Bontemps says “this is no place for children” (WHAT A FUCKING CROCK – there were children everywhere in Versailles, including LOUIS’ OWN FUCKING CHILDREN) and Maintenon, that utter fucking hypocritical snake, murmurs “it is for the best,” and the doors close as Liselotte sobs.

And here – HERE – is where I lost all hope for this season. Seriously. This is so much fucking bullshit that I can smell it clear on the other side of the world. THIS IS WRONG. I do not mind historical fiction. I enjoy historical fiction. But when the historical facts are totally and utterly distorted, just for the sake of some dramatic twist – which, having watched the entire season, serves NO ACTUAL PURPOSE – this is a fucking insult. Let us break this down. The baby is a prince of France. A royal mistress, no matter how high in affection, cannot just REMOVE a prince of France. Liselotte is a princess. The hierarchy, while complicated by Princes of the blood and other titles and orders, goes like this:  King first, then Queen, then the dauphin and dauphin’s kids, then Philippe (as brother of the king), then Liselotte (as wife to brother of the king),  then children of Philippe. Maintenon, ranked as a marquise, is much lower on the totem pole – the Chevalier de Lorraine is a foreign prince, Delphine a duchesse, and BOTH rank higher than Maintenon. Versailles was all about RANK and PROTOCOL and to have an uppity marquise even approach a member of the royal family, much less REMOVE ONE, is so fucking beyond ridiculous that I have to use a telescope to find even a fucking glimmer of where it is. Louis would have gone absolutely ballistic. 

GET IN THE FUCKING SEA. 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡

From the ridiculous to the streets of Paris. Colbert is on his soapbox, telling everyone that he is here to remind them of the shared vision that “binds us all together. And of the wonder of our king, Louis.” Cue unpressed looks from the peasant crowd. “You have chosen to question his authority. Our great king has only one purpose. To further the glory of France. But we all must make sacrifices just as he does. We must believe as he does. Dream as he does. Suffer as he does!” Murmurs from the crowd… they are not buying it. “We must trust in him as he trusts in us.” Bastien pipes up: “Why should we trust him? What, so he can steal our money more easily?” The crowd laughs but Colbert valiantly continues: “The king steals from no one! He raises taxes which he then returns to his people. Look at his gifts! Education. Roads. Clean water. Streets like glory!” “And poverty,” Bastien adds. Another peasant heckles, “Glory my arse!” And someone grabs an egg from a cart and hurls it at Colbert and suddenly there is a barrage of food while Colbert tries for calm. Food being thrown despite their complaints of being hungry in the streets… And the guards hustle Colbert away as the crowd turns nasty.

Back in Versailles with Louis telling Bossuet of Leopold’s offering of 80% of Spain, telling the priest he must go to Rome to ensure the support of the Vatican. Bossuet is kinda not really happy, but Louis tells him to remind the Pope where his loyalties should lie, and that the bastion of the Catholic church is France. Bossuet does not see how he can influence his Holiness, and Louis calmly says if he has any doubts, then Bossuet can remain at Versailles and draw up a list of replacements for his position. Lulz. Cue a weird look from Bontemps. Much ringing of hands from Bossuet. Meanwhile Marchal and Philippe are walking through the enfilades, Marchal wanting to tell Louis what they know but Philippe is all ‘nup, he will order you to stop because he thinks I’m just making this all up.’ They agree to wait a few days before telling.

won’t anyone rid me of this chattering wench?

Leopold is getting dressed and his niece Eleanor is chattering about Spanish words and the look on Leo’s face is ….😆 Eleanor now wants to go to Spain. Leo says they are going there, and she is all ‘yay! As long as I don’t meet the king – his portrait is atrocious’ And Leo is all ‘tough. You will meet him. Because you gonna marry him. SURPRISE’ Dear Lord, the look on Eleanor’s face. Her mother is on her way there, and they will leave tomorrow. “I refuse,” Eleanor says bravely, looking devastated. Leo slaps her, then gently says, “you will be Queen of Spain* (*Spoiler: she won’t). You should be grateful.”

Back with Louis walking through the salons, and Louvois reports a bunch of Austrian nobles have been spotted making their way to Spain. Why? A family gathering, perhaps? And why do families gather? Louis muses. Louvois – “for funerals.” Louis: “And weddings.”

Sophie returns to the salons, all clean and pretty again, and people are whispering, watching her circulate. She smiles and greets Liselotte, who is alone and sad and attached to a wall.

*historical note: again, what is it with the absence of people? Liselotte, as princess, has an entourage, ladies-in-waiting, plus courtiers hanging about wanting her favour and attention. She would not be clinging to a wall like a Nigel No-Friends.

Liselotte is pleased to see Sophie, who says she has been in a convent. Sophie asks what has happened since she last saw the pregnant Liselotte, and Liselotte says she had a son…. taken from her. “On whose orders?” Sophie asks. Liselotte just stares across the room, right at Maintenon, who is chatting happily to Delphine, the Chevalier in the background. “THE KING!” Bontemps announces, and Louis walks in with the queen, heading straight for a table where the historical signing is to be conducted. Leopold bows (wtf is that “Louis” as he addresses the king of France?? Wrong.) They sit and prepare to sign, and Louis casually mentions Leo’s niece. “I would like her to stay here. We shall show her all the wonders of Versailles.” Ahhhhh, sneaky Louis. Leo is all “it’s a kind offer, but-” but Louis will have none of it. “My wife has conceived an affection for the princess. She would enjoy her company for a few months.” He looks at Eleanor – “-would that please you?” Damn right, it would. And now Leopold cannot refuse. Louis says she will be well looked after then sticks the knife right in: “who knows? We may even find her a husband.” So the camera pans the crowd, they sign the documents, Louis rises and gives a speech about being former enemies now friends, blood replaced by wine, now allies blah blah. Everyone claps as the music swells.

Festivities begin and the Chevalier is being some kind of circus ringleader, demanding a volunteer as he waves about a cane and some silk, the centre of attention. Has a joke about Philippe being missing, then Louvois’ belly, then Louis stands and volunteers. “A brave proposition from the king,” the Chevalier declares as Louis ties on the blindfold. “Olé” (lolwat) he then announces and Louis smiles and starts to blindly grope about the room as courtiers laugh and scatter. I see Maintenon deliberately putting herself in the way, but the Chevalier good-naturedly prods the king with his cane. The queen is watching, playing cards as Leopold hovers behind her, asking her for courage and then whispering something in her ear. As the king laughs and enjoys the game, the queen’s face is looking more panicky as Leo keeps whispering and Jebus, I bet my front teeth he is suggesting something along the lines of regicide… Even that is too much. Meanwhile Louis gropes about, still laughing and the doors behind him open and everyone stills, their faces dropping in shock and horror. Louis senses the mood, quickly removes the blindfold and we see Colbert, battered and bloody and with a smashed-in face. “My God.” Louis gasps. “Who did this to you?” Colbert swallows, then shakily gets out, “the people of France, sire.” Louis looks horrified.

The music swells and that is the end of Episode 2. UGH. What is in store for the next ep?

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Versailles S3, Ep2 – The one with Sophie’s return When we left our intrepid characters, Philippe had stupidly and against all sense, charged off on his own, in the night, without guards (yeah, this would never happen) to the Bastille to find out who this mysterious Duc de Sullun is.

[mimicsecretdiary]

Star Wars oneshot

[beware: long post ahead] Introduction

The Galaxy,for the first time,seems to be at peace: the Republic and Empire have reached a stall and acceptable agreements and both of them are not pinching and nabbing at each other too much. This is also thanks to the just-ended great war, lasting the incredible short period of 5 years, which had ended with a large-scale schism of the Sith order that destabilized the Empire. There are those who say the Sith "rebels" were supported by the Republic, some say they were headed by a Sith lord with powers comparable or even higher than the Emperor himself. The fact is that now the intergalactic forces are more or less in peace. [Characters introductions here]

The scene opens with a Chiss pilot in space. Janos has just finished one of his regular smuggling jobs and he's relaxing while the most recent member of his "one man crew" is being the paranoid of the bunch and he's checking the ship for any evidence or problems that might have happened during the mission. They receive a call on holo from a "private number" basically, and Janos, before letting his "co-pilot" paranoid human hacker answer, checks from where it arrives. It's from Korriban. "AH. EXCELLENT". They are a bit on the defensive but Jaydkan,the hacker knowns as "cresto", or hacker, or paranoid, or simply J says that "curiosity makes him curious" (he's a hacker, not a poet) and they respond. It is a rattataki that calls Janos by name (OK) and tells him that it is the apprentice of his "employer" (GREAT) and that has a job for him, perhaps the last "mandatory" one (actual good), and she basically wants me to pick up two Night Sisters( G L O R I U O S) and a couple of jedi ( SPEC TA CU LAR) to help her Master in a thing. "ah ok, so now I'm taxi service". Of course I accept, I do not have the right to refuse, and I head to the coordinates. The scene moves to the Night Sisters, who are briefly informed about the matter by teh same rattataki woman, even if they already knew what they had to do and they get informed about who and where and when they will be taken to do such work. Madea and Winter are of few words and many facts so when the "taxi" arrives, they introduce themselves - more or less- and they go quietly in their ""lodgings"" on the ship to meditate. New change of scene and we are on Typhon, known planet of jedi temples. Three jedi are digging and working in an archeologic site when one of the three, Sa'Vin, recieves an holo call. From a "private number" She moves away from the tent and answers, finding the same rattataki as before. But she knows her by name ("Tiraka"), and knows who she is and who her Master is, as she had had "dealings" with him in the past. There is a strenuous conversation where Tiraka asks for support from Sa'Vin, and she deduces that it must be a great deal if it is her and not her Master who calls for help. The sith apprentice confirms the situation it's as such. With a sigh, Sa'vin accepts the caller's request for help and closes the call, speaking soon after privately with her padawan Milisendis asking if she would feel comfortable doing a "special" mission. The Miraluka girl seems to be interested academically speaking and, when asked, the other Jedi, a Givin called Iad-aan, appears to be interested as well (there is a samll player-death here bcs the charcter vocie od Iad-aan made me die laughing.). Iad-Aan asks if it is an illegal thing, and when it is confirmed that it is not "technically" he lightly accepts. Sa'vin drives in speeder the two colleagues / companions to the place of randevouz for Tiraka had confirmed that she had already arranged somebody to come and get them near the place of need. The three await the ship in a open grassfield and when the said transport arrives after a a couple of hours, Iad-Aan uses the Force to "see" who is inside and percieves clearly two strong sources of Force not fully trained on but mostly Dark Ways. On the other hand, the Night Sisters perceive themselves to be observed. Landing, Janos comes down from the ship to check his "cargo" and remaining pleasantly surprised by (re)Seeing Sa'vin, cordially greeting Millisendis and remaining a little shocked by the welcoming of the Givin, makes them jump on board, urgently asking not to provoke quarrels with the other two young ladies in the ship. There is a brief chat between Janos and Sa'vin, where she asks him to use the name with which she presented herself and where she whispers that she would like to know where he had met this current employer of his (The sith master she also knows). "I could ask you the same question, Counsellor Sa'vin" "it is not obvious that i will not answer". On the ship they all meet up with a young blue twi'lek and a jawa, who is promptly threatened by Janos who warns the small alien that he is "keeping an eye on him (Zili.. Don't let it touch my droid)". It's obvious that this kind of conversation is now routine on the ship. [Sa'vins player was feeling ill so she left after this point] Before taking off, on the datapad that gave Janos the coordinates for the variosu landings a message compose itself and it suggests to ask the Nighsisters to explain the problem to the new arrivals of the ship. Janos hurriedly gets up (complaining that it could have wrote the message in the 5 seconds before i had sat down on the pilot seat) and he goes, but before he could hear the Night sisters' negative answer, he's already gone. The journey starts... without any of the main groups exchanging covnersations. We arrive at the coordinates set: a moon that looks more like a cemetery of buildings than an inhabited place, with several craters created or from large battles or frequent meteorites. When the ship docks, the landing pod blocks my supports and I find myself very frustrated at the idea of ​​not being able to just get the fuck out. The jedis and the non-Force-users get off board looking at a pyramid liek tomb, stil lwondering what we are doing there since miss onehanded -shotgun-loading-sound Madea has not told us anything about the job yet. Looking around the landing pod we see the door of a pyramidal tomb that is closed by two statues with hands and arms joined. The scavengers notice also some computers with soem data running on the screens and the hacker + twi'lek are observing with great interests the tech there: it's an automatic station for archaeological finds' analysis. J downloads a bit of the just finished analysis on the device and Yewzili pockets some various paddles. I'm like "kid don't do it" and she "it's to repay you: 3" "if you want to repay me by sicking 45 angry Siths because I stole their precious antique night vases, i'll gladly skip that" "they will never notice." While the three smuggler-type pirate things, the jedis use the Force to open the doors, after Madea said, very caustic, that their employer is literally just locked inside (janos: "AH he called us because he got stuck a tomb, this is AMAZING"). The jedi open the door of 50cm and let pass the two Night sisters in front of line, then they go in and finally the mere blaster-holders go at the rear. As soon as we get all inside, Iad-aan uses the Force again to perceive dangerous creatures and finds two or three BIG clustersof negative energy plus a more powerful one of inestimable suffering in the depths of the tomb. We assume that's out quarry. Trying to avoid the clusters of life forms perceived by the mathematical jedi, we start our descent. At the first junction we are attacked by a Kath who is severely mistreated by the force-users (Medea jumps behind him using the wall as a lever hitting his back, ian-aad splats it on the ceiling, Zili electifies it with the vibrosword and finally Medea eviscerates it while iad -aan overkills it with a Force-beheading. Janos kinda just puts away the blaster shrughing). A little further on we find another forkin the road, with both ends going downhill, and an obelisk at the center of a small opening in the cave. The jedi interact with it- in whisper - while Janos  -"feeling lucky" in whisper - gets a very bad feeling from the way on the right. Iad-aan says that the obelisk has "spoken to him" and that we must continue in the way right but "without touching the dead" - something along these lines. There is a brief pseudo-philosophical discussion between iad and medea where medea does not seem particularly inclined to speak, while janos and zili are having an heated covnersation about some potential good stored in Janos' ship that zili may or may not have"resold" or used (spoielr: it was spice. (context: spice in sw its drug basically)). In the fustration, Janos does not realize that he is walking right in the direction of the bad feeling. We arrive in a room full of stacks of skeletons and Iad-Aan assumes these are the dead not to be touched, so with nonchalance levitates wit hthe Force across the room (he's usign a lot of Force powers, he should be more careful). Madea comments caustically that "some" people REALLY like to show "how many things they can do"; the Night Sisters make show of their great agility and the others (Milisendis Zili, and J) simply walk - janos needs a few seconds before deciding to cross the room .  The "bad feeling" really gets to him- [J's player is prone to be very sleepy so he left as well at this poing] Just as we are getting out the blasted room, 6 huge and disgusting humanoids, Rakghouls, jump on us and we start a fight. Janos  -last in the line so first to be attacked- slips his entire arm into the mouth of one of these monsters as it growls and he like unloads his blaster charge in the skull of the disgusting thing, causing it to burst from within. The creature falls to the ground coem a fish without bones, ("Ah ... he bit me ç_c ...") biting janos' arm on the way down; Iad-aan unleashes his levitate to lift himself up into the cavernous room and not get caught by two of them; medea uses, according to old tactics already tried, Winter as jumping pad and twirling in the air with feline grace and shoots in the head to another of the creatures with the blaster incorporated in her mechanical arm; zili jumps back while the attack of the jedi padawan Milisendis doesn't go as good as she would have wanted. In the second round with a bit of Force pushes and blaster shots an classical Force-beheadings, we take the rest out. Medea snaps a bit of acid words to Zili ("Cowardice will not keep you alive") and we contine along the path down (zili is quite offended: "it actually works pretty good to me"). Around the corner we hear heavy steps and Mili, Yewzilin and Janos peek the corridor while Iad-Aan perceives it with Force: it is a fairly large creature known to feed on the Force + force users altogether. Janos comments that "hey, at least three of us are safe!" readily correct that they are nonetheless creatures carinvore and the Force flows in all of us. yadda yadda jedi shit. Janos promptly takes zili for an arm and literally sprints silently across the corridor to where the creature is eating some corpse or carcass. Zili does not make a sound but Janos almost slips and schatters a bone by mistake. Luckly the creature does not seem to care too much. ("DAMN IT YOU OLD MAN" Zili whispers angrly. "Ehy watch your mouth kid, the thing didn' saw us anway!!") Janos was "arguing" with Zili to use the Jawa as a distraction while Milsendis and Medea convinced Iad-aan that usinf the Force -again- to move soem rock in a far away corridoir would have not distracted the creature because it would have felt the source of the Force-usage. Some more or less sucessful sneaking made us avoid the creature complitely. We find now in front of a dor not much different from the one we met earlier and Medea with Winter brute-forcibly try to push it open (Medea: "will you others help us or not?". Janos and zili, together:"no no i think i'l lstay here watchign you two." zili:"I could watch them all day * eyes emoji *") while the jedi reuse the Push to Force it open. The initially percieved source of pain becomes it stronger once we enter the next room. [And hereby we ended the oneshot]

[stone-man-warrior]

April 17, 2019: 9:21 pm:

This is the follow-up to this evenings earlier entry about the trip to Wal-Mart and the glued gate lock.

So after finally getting on my way, as the Chartrand Cart driver was at the mailboxes talking to the comm on them, I encountered a number of “watch-dog” terrorists on the roadway. That is typical to encounter a bunch of terrorists on the road an the way to the freeway, all of them either trying to make me crash, or fogging the roadway with Nitrous gas, or causing a confusion service for public safety people who always seem to be nearby, but working for the terrorists while believing that I am the terrorist, or thief.

I am that last and only American in the county, so stories told by 50,000 terrorists to public safety people is difficult for me to defend against. I am the odd man out, but I am the only American in a region where all of the 50,000 are the ones who killed the population of the county and replaced them. They used tactics like the ones I explain about, and the terrorists are very successful in weaponizing public safety people against there own citizens, while being led around by terrorists.

There was an Impostor State Police waiting at the Freeway on-ramp, I drove past him, just moments after Sandy Monroe shot herself and was carted away by Chartrand, who is one of the Imposter Police.

At the AM/PM I encountered a man that is there often. One of the “Plug-In” terrorists that use the AM/PM as a killing field. This man is about 50 years old with short hair, a white male. He approaches his intended victins after they get into their cars in the parking lot at the AM/PM. His gimmick is always the same, he asks for cigarettes, explains that his ATM card does not work, is going through a divorce, and is not able to go to his home because of the divorce, and his wife is making his life miscible. I always tell him the same thing... go to your house, and do whatever it takes to get possession of the home and the children, the house and kids belong to both of you, so, if you want the house and the kids, you need to go take them and keep good care of them.

I gave the man two cigarettes and got on my way without incident this time. I think his accomplice that was still inside of the dark colored pick-up truck he was sitting in as I drove in, had burst of Nitrous gas ignition. The man mentioned to someone on his communication that “he isn’t Juseph”. I think he was reffering to one of my terrorist neighbors at 560 “MySteet”, the Myers Vatican terror family cell. I think the man’s name that lives there is Juseph, or Yuseph, or Youseph, or some other way of spelling that. It is notable that David Letterman has been known to stay at the Myers Vatican terror family cell, and has done so for extended visits, on occasion, since 1999.

At the AM/PM, there were a number of people who were locking their car doors, and unlocking them, and, there were a number of people with very big, and noticeable hair. Clearly, they were trying to get me to remember to purchase a new lock for the gate.

So, I went to Wal-Mart, I went to the hardware department to select a pad-lock. As I was on my way inside of the store, the intercom was announcing that assistance at the hardware department was requested. They really wanted me to remember to by locks for my gate.

having selected locks, I shopped for food and encountered all of the things I explain about on these entries. SDA terror soldiers fogging the store isles with Nitrous Oxide/Versed airborne gas. I heard a number of pop spunds as I shopped, as usual. I usually ignite more than one terror soldier at the Wal-Mart, or at the Fred Meyer store if I choose to go there.

Upon checkout, the lines were long. They removed most of the checkstands and replaced them with self-checkout. That is way too dangerous. Americans don;t have a chance at the self checkout because it takes a lot of concentration to do the checkout, and that is what they want. If you are busy doing something, then you are not ready to defend. So I choose to wait in the long lines of terror solders because I can pay better attention to what is happening around me.

At the checkout, the checker announced to someone nearby what partocular pad-lock I had purchased. Then, the stylus on the Debit machine would not work. They made it look as though my debit card was refused, as usual. We started the transaction over again, and I put the card back into the machine, it still would not work, and there were 20 poeple in line behind me, all terrorists pretending to shop, while releasing Nitrous gas, and I was the only American in the store, with about two hundred terror soldiers inside, plus others out side of the store. I heard the people talking about the locks I had purchased. “We can pick those with the key we made, we have the keys. Let’s wait to see if he puts one of those on his storage shed so we can finally see whats in there.”

I lit my lighter a lot, as usual. The terrorist checkout cashier had a “partner” underneath of the check-stand cabinet, they all have a cubby hole where a terror soldier is hiding underneath, and inside of thecabit work, beneath the cash regster. The “partners” help the terror cashiers to speak Engish, they all speak French and need help with the English language so, the terrorist under the counter there helps with English, provides Nitrous gas for taking victins at teh check-stand. The “partner burst of nitrous ignition when I lit my lighter. The cashier was upset about that.

The broken Debit machine caused a problem/excuse, that the cashier came around to my side of the check-stand, as she approached me she said “you just killed my kid” and she began to swing at me with something, I don;t know if it was a bat, or a sword. So I defended, and stabbed the cashier in the neck. She returned to her side of the checkstand, and suddenly, the debit machine began to work properly. The cashier announced “I’m stuck, he stuck me, I’m stuck in the neck. I need Evac.”

She handed me my receipt and I left.

When I got home, there was a small black car parked in the road near my driveway. It looks like one from “Bad-Guy Automotive: Google” terror cell at the corner of Three Pines and Russel. I did not see the driver.

So I brought my groceries into the house. I had a look at the locks that I bought. I noticed that the packaging on the Brinks Brand pad-locks is such that the package has a opening in it that allows the key for the pad-lock to come out of the package enough that an imprint can be made of the key. That is when I realized what they had done at Monroe’s. I knew the glued the lock on my gate, but then I know that so many people at Wal-Mart had engaged in making keys for all of the pad-locks in the store, and there were only a few varieties that would work for the application that I needed, and all of those had the packaging that allows access to the keys. They made copies of all of the pad-locks at the Wal-Mart. I had overheard in the line that they had a lot of keys for the Brinks brand pad-locks with the hole in the packaging that allows access to the keys. And that means that the Brinks people who package those, do so towards the coup. Otherwise, why would anyone who packages locks, sell them with access to the keys in the packaging?

#SAGcoup is really an enormous thing.

So, I took the locks back to the Wal-Mart. They were upset that I killed the cashier, and I was upset that I have to kill people just so I can survive a grocery store visit.

I was advised at the return counter “turn down your comm”.

“I don’t have Comm” I replied, “I have a prisoners implant, I can’t turn it down”.

They all said, “He’s an escaped prisoner” at the return counter at the Wal-Mart. “he’s the one that killed the cashier today”

I defended b lighting my lighter, terror assassins near the return counter ignited and launched.

I left the Wal-Mart and came home without further incident.

While writing this entry, there was at least two terrorists outside putting nitrous gas into mu window, I opened the window because I want some fresh air. Americans are not allowed to have fresh air, it is “forbidden”.

This is real. These entries are not for entertainment.

Please send US Military to Oregon to preserve Freedom.