#the things you still learn about someone after nearly TEN YEARS of a relationship

[whumpily-ever-after]

Family by Choice Whump List

Summary: Despite not being biologically related, Kim San Ha, Yun Ju Won, and Kang Hae Jun share a close bond with each other. The trio spent their adolescence raised by Ju Won's father, Jeong Jae, and San Ha's father, Dae Uk, who did their best to give them a happy childhood as they healed from past trauma. Upon reaching adulthood, however, San Ha and Hae Jun sought out their biological families, leaving Ju Won behind. Ten years later, the five members of their found family reunite, but things aren't the same as they used to be. Ju Won holds some resentment after feeling abandoned by San Ha and Hae Jun, while the two boys are struggling with their own familial issues and one is struggling with new romantic feelings for Ju Won. Can these chosen siblings work out their feelings with each other, and will romance form between them?

Genre: Comedy, romance, youth, family

Year: 2024

Country: South Korea

Where to watch: Viki

Note: This is a remake of the Cdrama Go Ahead. You can check out that whump list here.

Possible spoilers ahead...

Whumpee: Kim San Ha played by Hwang In Youp

Episode 1: None

Episode 2: Called unfortunate; upset about his mother

Episode 3: Flashback to when his little sister died; flashback to his childhood trauma

Episode 4: Unable to sleep; sees his mother for the first time in ten years, his mother tells him she still believes he is responsible for his sister’s death; flashback to his sister’s death, in a daze, nearly walks into traffic; punched in the face, falls to the ground, blood on his lip, single tear falls

Episode 5: (Picks up from previous episode) on the ground, blood on his lip; in a fight (semi-comical), arrested, father disappointed in him

Episode 6: Mother tells him his sister died because of him; sitting with his knees to his chest, remembering all the times his mother blamed him; stops eating, family concerned about him, crying; has a fever, towel on his head, family caring for him

Episode 7: Learns his mother was in a car accident, teary-eyed

Episode 8: His mother says hateful things to him

Episode 9: Crying

Episode 10: Scar on his hand, flashback to his mother refusing to let him leave

Episode 11: None

Episode 12: Sick, cared for

Episode 13: Mother tries to guilt trip him into staying with her, single tear falls, mother slaps him, upset, sinks down to his knees; confronted about his insomnia, crying

Episode 14: None

Episode 15: Father figure doesn’t approve of his relationship, sad; hit on the head (by accident), falls into a table, lands on the floor, in the hospital, wound on his side, bandage on his head; confronts his mother, flashback to hot food falling on his back

Episode 16: None

Whumpee: Kang Hae Jun played by Bae Hyeon Seong

Episode 1: None

Episode 2: Called unfortunate; finds out someone has been taking pictures of him; told not to be a burden; thinks he sees his mother (who abandoned him), sad

Episode 3: Learns his bio dad lied to him, sad; crying

Episode 4: Memories of his mother; upset

Episode 5: In a fight (semi-comical), arrested; made to feel like a burden; crying; told to forget about his mother

Episode 6: Learns his mother came back but doesn’t want to see him, crying

Episode 7: Crying under his covers; crying while talking about his mother

Episode 8: Concern for his dad; chooses to go to America with his bio dad so his dad stops overworking himself, crying

Episode 9: Crying

Episode 10: It’s revealed that he hurt his leg while in America, upset, concern for him, scar on his ankle

Episode 11: Thinks he sees his mother, teary-eyed

Episode 12: Scolded, crying, dad tells him to leave; finds his mother, emotional; says he’s too scared to hear why his mother didn’t come back

Episode 13: None

Episode 14: Feels left out, crying, asks why he’s always getting abandoned; confronts his mother, crying, family concerned for him; discovers the real reason his mother abandoned him, emotional, has a breakdown

Episodes 15-16: None

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

2024 Fic Roundup :)

I was tagged by @exhuastedpigeon to do a 2024 fic roundup!

This year, I have posted 47 new fics, finished 1 2023 fic, and still have one from 2023 ongoing. Which is roughly 1,019,891 words. Excluding things I have written but not posted yet! (a lot of Eddie as a Swedish forest monster, for example).

I am just going to copy/paste the list directly from my masterlist doc:

January

Eddie Diaz is NOT a Birthday Person(4,704 words)

Summary: Eddie doesn't put much stock into celebrating his birthday, as an adult. But for the first time since moving to Los Angeles, it happens to fall right in the middle of a four-off. Buck schemes. Romance ensues rather accidentally.

Rating: Teen

Angst Meter: 😨

Winter Prayer (18,229 words)

Summary: When a work conflict prevents Athena from accompanying Bobby to Minnesota for the ten year anniversary of his family dying, Buck and May offer to go instead. Over the course of the trip, they all learn more about each other, and Bobby faces his grief.

Rating: General

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨😨

You Can’t Surprise Evan Buckley(4,971 words)

Summary: Ten months into their relationship, Eddie has not been able to execute a romantic surprise for Buck. But on Buck's birthday, things are about to change.

Rating: Mature

Angst Meter: 😨

February

Spinning Out (2,326 words)

Summary: The sun always rises in the east and sets in the west. What goes up must always come down. And if Eddie Diaz is in a helicopter with his team, it must fall from the sky.

AKA: Speculation into Eddie's reaction to flying on a chopper with his team into a storm, as per the trailer dropped on February 17th.

Rating: General 

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨😨😨

Precious and Fragile Things (46,918 words)

Summary: Buck is the Fallen Angel of Petty Temptation, who has been tasked with tempting human Eddie Diaz to sin and enjoy life, but just a little. He thinks the job will be easy - get in, get out, go back to Peru to continue messing around with eternity. But when Buck arrives in Los Angeles, he finds Eddie is harder to tempt than expected, and more compelling than Buck had hoped.

AKA the Small Miracles by Olivia Atwater AU that you don’t need to have read Small Miracles to enjoy.

Rating: Teen

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨

March

Loose Threads (3,745 words)

Summary: New to dating and keeping it quiet, Buck and Eddie get a little carried away on a slower shift at the firehouse. But when the alarm eventually sounds, a spur of the moment mistake leaves them a little mixed up.

Rating: Explicit

Angst Meter: 😨

a mouth full of teeth with nothing to sing  (7,060 words)

Summary: Post 07x03, Hen struggles to process the cruise ship rescue and drunk driver call in the midst of ongoing tension with her friends.

Rating: Teen

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨

April

 Pennsylvania Under Me (22,391 words)

Summary: When unexpected circumstances require Buck to travel back to Hershey for the first time in over a decade, Eddie and Chris are right by his side.

Rating: Teen

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨😨

May

Cowboy With A One Track Mind (22,439 words)

Summary: Spin-off Sequel to Evan Buckley & the Coma-Verse of Madness - Chapter 7 (Land):

Grieving and tortured, Evan Buckley has been living alone in Montana in a remote cabin for nearly a decade. After an incident that leaves him missing six months of his life, and suddenly in connection with a group of strangers from Los Angeles, Evan must decide whether to remain in his self-imposed exile, or take a chance at life again.

Rating: Mature

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨😨

change the prophecy (30,150 words)

Summary: Buck has never felt secure in any of his relationships; he’s been searching for someone to see him the way he feels he’s meant to be seen, but after things start going downhill with Tommy, he thinks that person might just not exist. Eddie cannot figure out what’s wrong with him when it becomes clear things with Marisol aren’t going to work out. But what if they’re both forgetting something?

Rating: Mature

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨😨😨

A Lot Like You (14,236 words)

Summary: The dynamics between everyone change when Buck and Eddie have another child and Bobby moves on from the 118.

Affectionately referred to as the "Grandpa Bobby fic"

Rating: General

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨😨

June

i told my future by reading your lips (7,295 words)

Summary: In 2018, on their way to a call at a child beauty pageant, and feeling a little strange, Buck and Eddie are suddenly thrown into a fast-paced look at some key moments from their future. And, what they see? Well it can only lead to one logical conclusion.

Rating: Teen

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨

like a bird stealing bread out from under your nose (21,661 words)

Summary:If you’d asked Eddie back in May what rock bottom looked like, it was his son leaving him. That felt like it; everything ruined so entirely that there was no way to ruin it further.

There’s always more to lose.

---

Eddie Diaz breakdown, Season 7 finale fix it fic

Rating: Mature

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨😨

Slow Broil (2,975 words)

Summary: Five times Bobby helped Eddie cook a meal for Buck over the course of their relationship, plus one time Eddie did it all by himself.

Rating: General

Angst Meter: 😨

you could make light (4,171 words)

Summary: When a sudden blackout leaves May and Buck trapped for hours, the two find themselves getting a lot off their chests, and bonding over several important parts of their lives.

Rating: Teen

Angst Meter: 😨😨

are you not the lost and found? (15,764 words)

Summary: In which Bobby has the opportunity to meet an alternate universe version of his daughter, who has lived to adulthood, but her life has not been without its own complications - including their relationship.

Rating: General

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨😨😨

i’ve seen a couple suns that set forever (7,041 words)

Summary: Freshly home from Texas and faced with the prospect of his dad's feelings for Buck, Christopher's abandonment issues surface. A conversation with Bobby, and realizing the parallels between Buck's relationship with Bobby, and his relationship with Buck, gives Chris the perspective he needs.

Rating: General Audiences

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨

July

Jumper Cables (2,396 words)

Summary: Right around the time they're both wrapping up their time at Dispatch, May calls on Eddie for help when her car battery dies and she doesn't have jumper cables. He ends up giving her a boost and talking her through some stress.

Rating: General

Angst Meter: 😨😨

this postcard tells you where we’ve been (3,452 words)

Summary:.Eddie finds a collection of postcards Buck sent to Chris over his summer in El Paso.

Rating: General

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨

I Hold It Like a Grudge (11,665 words)

Summary: Buck and Maddie come into unexpected and unwanted conflict when their parents meet Buck's son for the first time, by surprise, when he is under Maddie's care.

Rating: Teen

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨😨

Steal My Sunshine (30,473 words)

Summary: Memories hazy and unreliable, Eddie Diaz wakes up every morning in a house at the end of a cul de sac, goes to his office job at a petroleum engineering company, and comes home to his wife and son. But something is missing, and the more Eddie begins to put the pieces together, the stranger the predicament he finds himself in.

Rating: Mature

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨

no one can be born too many times (10,114 words)

Summary: When Ravi's younger brother shows up at the station unexpected, the 118 gets a better glimpse into his life, and Ravi gets a better perspective on both his families.

Rating: Teen

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨

If You Can Make the Music (14,878 words)

Summary: Spin-off Sequel to Evan Buckley & the Coma-Verse of Madness - Chapter 5 (Seaside): A year after a whirlwind two week love affair with bartender Buck in Galveston, Texas, Eddie Diaz finds himself coincidentally relocating to the area. But when he attempts to reconnect with Buck, he's in for an unfortunate surprise.

Rating: Mature

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨

treat an opportunity like it’s treating you (12,771 words)

Summary: After losing his leg as a result of the fire engine bombing, Buck is presented with the opportunity to have a service dog donated to him.

Rating: Teen

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨😨

I Always Wanted My Own Spark (5,752  words)

Summary: In 2040, during the midst of a family crisis, Christopher Diaz and his younger brother butt heads.

Rating: Teen

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨😨

August

Jeep Talking (2,252 words)

Summary: A ride in the backseat of Buck's Jeep with Buck and Eddie in the front gives Chim new perspective on his brother-in-law's strange dynamic with his so-called "best friend.' And Chim is sick of them being so oblivious.

Rating: Teen

Angst Meter: 😨

this could be the year for the real thing (8,780 words)

Summary: It's December, 2016 and Chimney is a bit down on his luck. But a chance meeting with Beverly Hills heiress Maddie Buckley, right before her parents' big annual New Year's party, might be just what he's looking for. OR a Madney Cinderella AU.

Rating: Teen

Angst Meter: 😨😨

april love is for the very young (6,269 words)

Summary: May is deeply frustrated with her college roommate. Everything about her. Until a conversation with Hen and Buck makes her rethink what her problem is. (Lesbian!May Grant college rivals to lovers).

Rating: Teen

Angst Meter: 😨

the best endeavor waiting (12,477 words)

Summary: When quarantine puts the 118 on the front lines of the pandemic, Eddie asks Buck and his service dog, Cranberry, to stay with Christopher.

Rating: Mature

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨

Weary Memory (11,872 words)

Summary: After an argument about the circumstances of Bobby's sudden retirement, Buck and Bobby each find themselves inexplicably experiencing one of the other's difficult childhood memories.

Rating: Teen

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨😨

September

Long Death (79,506 words)

Summary: In the summer of 2024, a never before seen form of vampirism breaks out in Los Angeles. Just as Eddie is about to get his son back.

Six months later, Buck's life is permanently changed.

Rating: Explicit

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨😨😨

Clammed Up (11,868 words)

Summary:  Captain Gerrard dies suspiciously at a murder mystery party held at Tommy Kinard's condo, with most of the 118 present. As the case unfolds, Athena finds she no longer knows who among her friends she can trust.

Rating: Teen

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨

Sweet Talk (6,563 words)

Summary: Eddie asks to crash at the loft while Christopher is gone, struggling to be on his own. Only problem? There's only one bed, and no couch.

Rating: Teen

Angst Meter: 😨😨.5?

time likes pulling my teeth (24,349 words)

Summary: Buck is enjoying the last day of a family vacation with Eddie and Christopher. Over and over and over again. And Eddie seems determined to keep it that way. (Buddie Time Loop Fic)

Rating: Mature

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨😨

A Little Wisdom (8,623 words)

Summary: Christopher comes home from Texas and needs his wisdom teeth removed, which leads to a larger discussion on hurt and comfort and needs that Eddie doesn't see coming.

Rating: Teen

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨

watch out, you might get what you’re after (2,272 words)

Summary: Buck unintentionally woos Eddie. And then has a hell of a time processing the way he feels about that.

Rating: Mature

Angst Meter: 😨

October

Late Fines (12,750 words)

Summary: Buck is a children's librarian at the branch closest to Eddie's house. When he gets himself involved in the lives of a cute kid and his handsome single dad, he gets a glimpse of what he wants in life. It might just take a few years to get it.

Rating: Teen

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨

Any Other Way (102,659 words)

Summary: In a switcheroo alternate universe, Buck spends young adulthood in the military, while Eddie, who has no idea Christopher exists, spends his twenties messing around, finally enjoying freedom away from his family’s expectations. When they both end up in Los Angeles, at the 118, some things are different, and others will be the same in any universe.

Rating: Explicit

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨😨

Advice For the Young At Heart (3,630 words)

Summary: Buck and Bobby overhear big news about Eddie. Buck spirals. Bobby talks him through it.

Rating: Teen

Angst Meter: 😨😨

a cold world for such a long life (12,977 words)

Summary: Eddie befriends Bobby's estranged older brother in a virtual support group for queer adults struggling to come out. The only problem? He has no idea that's who Charlie is.

Rating: Teen

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨

 all our bruises beg for a chance (10, 257 words)

Summary: Buck is adjusting to life living with Eddie, Chris, and his service dog Cranberry, when his parents visit for the first time since he lost his leg.

OR:

A Cranberry-verse take on the events of Buck Begins.

Rating: Teen

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨

i just might turn to smoke, but i feel fine (2,957 words)

Summary: A few days before his first date with Buck, Eddie comes to the fire station early to work out and blow off some pent up steam. Only problem? Buck's already there.

Rating: Explicit

Angst Meter: 😨

we won’t look back, we won’t be lost (37,526 words)

Summary: Over six years after the 118 rescued a baby from a pipe, Buck meets that same child again on a different call. And in all that time, she never found a home.

OR:

Buck adopts Pipe Baby while Eddie waits for Christopher to come home.

Rating: Teen

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨

November

we all assume the worst the best we can (6,059 words)

Summary: When a rescue goes wrong, Buck and Bobby are trapped, while Eddie and Chim scramble to save them.

Rating: Teen

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨😨

December

go and kill, go and die (59,935 words)

Summary: The 118 are a group of survivors in a small California town in the wake of a zombie apocalypse. For months they've been isolated and safe. But the arrival of some new players, the search for some missing loved ones, will shake everything up and put their little team in jeopardy.

Rating: Mature

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨😨

take what the water gave me (20,701words)

Summary: New transfer to the 118, Eddie Diaz, has a secret. And upon getting to know his coworker, Buck, who is also hiding something, he begins to suspect their secret is the same. He's wrong.

Rating: Mature

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨

Promising Light (20,145 words)

Summary: Buck and Eddie fall asleep drunk and in separate rooms after the night of Buck and Tommy's breakup. They wake up seven years later, in an unfamiliar future, only to find out that they're married.

Rating: Mature

Angst Meter: 😨😨😨

No pressure tagging @pantsaretherealheroes @goldenbcnes @aroeddiediaz

@theotherbuckley @tizniz @steadfastsaturnsrings @diazsdimples

@mangacat201 @wellcollapse @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @kultiras

@wildlife4life @adarkermiserablecrow @epicbuddieficrecs @diazheartsbuckley @kwills91

@watchyourbuck @buddieswhvre @your-catfish-friend @l0v3t0hat3y0u @lyricfulloflight

@theautumnbard @lightningmcqueer8 @nibblyssacrifice @swiftiefirefighters

[vespertin-y]

OKAY I FINALLY WATCHED GRAVITY FALLS. TEN YEARS LATE I KNOW. i was expecting to have to power through a bunch of boring kid stuff to get to the actual interesting drama and i was so so wrong i locked tf in and finished it in two days. it's so good what the actual fuck. heres my thoughts on the main characters

mabel: when i was the actual target audience for this show i saw a bit of mabel while flipping through disney XD and i immediately concluded that she was annoying af and i would never watch this show because of her. i would like to repent for this evil evil take by flinging myself belly down onto shattered glass. MABEL MY BABY GIRL...if they ever put her in another Situation or Scenario ill kill someone fr. she's a little too selfish and a little too pushy sure but so genuinely KIND and SWEET and so willing to make a fool of herself to pull her dumb brother out of his head. that unicorn doesn't know jack i hope she gets everything she wants forever

dipper: if i had watched gf as a kid i would have been in very real danger of naming myself after this guy (which doesn't even work bc im not nearly as cool as him!! the woodland creatures would have eaten my ass). it would've been so easy to give him a generic gaining confidence arc but he is never a coward when it really matters and i think that's great. he may not be able to talk to a girl but he can and will beat a gnome to death with a shovel for touching his sister!!! also yeah he is extremely transgender.

stan: OUUUUUGH. STARTS SOBBING. stanley pines the man that you are. i assumed at first that his plot would be about Learning To Love but no he is 100% on board with being the world's best grunkle from minute one. he definitely fucks up sometimes (putting waddles outside comes to mind as does. The Other Thing) but he always tries his very best to fix it. every action he takes just oozes with care for his family. every time i thought he had a motivation that wasn't his family they pulled the rug out from under me and revealed that it was, in fact, just his family again. he would give everything for them. AND HE LITERALLY DOES??? im gonna vomit. he hand stitched fishing hats 😭😭😭

wendy: definitely my least favorite of the main cast im sorry wendyheads...i just feel like there isn't a lot to get into here. every time they imply there's something more going on with her or her family they just snap her right back into The Coolest Girl In The World which might be fun but it's not that interesting.

soos: SOOS MY FRIEND SOOS!!!! i wobbled on him during the middle of the show bc i felt like they were making him Genuinely Dumb instead of just a good babysitter but they pulled his characterization back around by the end i think. he is like me in that he would also die for the mystery twins without hesitation or regret 💖. a lesser show would've been really mean about soos but gf is BASED and SOOSPILLED so he gets what he deserves. he does not have to lose weight or drop his "childish" interests or stop living with his grandma to WIN AT LIFE. awesome girlfriend! dream job! big house! stan using that boat to hunt down his bio dad and kill him, probably!

ford: ill be honest and admit i hated this guy at first but eventually i learned to live laugh love about his massive incredibly fragile ego ruining everything all the time and now i am a big ford enjoyer. what a FREAK oh my god. he believed his journals to be capable of destroying the world and still refused to destroy them because they're His Life's Work????? he had the painfully obvious option to tell bill he didn't know the equation and stall for time and chose instead to say that OBVIOUSLY he knows it he's the SMARTEST MAN ALIVE he's just not TELLING YOU 😤 and then immediately got tortured????? he spent most of his screentime projecting his relationship issues onto an Actual Child?????????? he needs to go to therapy and learn he's not the main character of the universe but he will not be doing that so i can only hope the boat fixes him. if i was stanley i'd've fed him to the shapeshifter.

bill: SIGH. YES OKAY HE'S MY FAVORITE. I KNOW I'M FUCKING PREDICTABLE DON'T @ ME. i spent 90% of his screentime cracking up and the other 10% making Homosexual Detection Eyebrows at my brother! the ideal ratio!!!!! i can't wait to get my hands on the book so i can poor little meowmeow him more efficiently. i knew i was saving that barnes & noble gift card for something important.

[xerith-42]

*bats my eyes at you* spare some angsty headcanons perhaps?

Ask and you shall receive

Laurance is triggered by the smell of burning hair. Bro had hair down to his waist and then went into literal hell, I imagine so much of it caught on fire or was maybe even deliberately burnt, and it's such a distinct smell. It rarely happens, but if a stray spark from the fire accidentally catches on Cadenza's hair Laurance kind of freaks out a little. Fight or flight kicks in but he freezes but he also fights but he's also frozen and that smell is so awful he literally wants to rip his own skin off.

Katelyn doesn't ever think she'll love again. It's why she's so put off by Travis' advances, she just doesn't think it's a possibility. Every time she thinks about love she thinks about Jeffory. Seeing him on the island, even if it was an imp, did not help matters.

Kenmur still loves Sasha. He will always love Sasha. There is no amount of time that will stop him from loving her. Even if he also loves Emmalyn more than life itself, even if he's dedicated himself to his wife and his studies, there's still always that part of him that will answer to Sasha. Whenever she's around he can feel himself being pulled towards her just from the sound of her voice.

Zianna hates the sound of silence. So many years completely alone in such a huge estate. By the time Zane and Garroth disappeared, she was effectively estranged from her husband, only staying so they can maintain this cover of the Lord and Lady of O'Khasis. But their home is massive, designed for an entire family and then some. Even after Vylad and Garroth "died", Zane kept the house busy and often had Jury members present. The hollow emptiness of her home is nearly maddening for the poor woman.

The only reason Zianna never left is because she still held out hope for all of her sons. Zianna held out hope that any one of them would come stumbling in through the front door, likely beaten and bloody, and she would be able to take them into her arms and welcome them home.

This could very well turn into it's own post but here's a few small relic angst headcanons. Aph starts to lose her sense of self because sometimes she'll talk and it won't sound like her. They have mostly similar speech patterns, and she says things she would normally say, but it sounds like someone else, and she can never put her finger on it. Others notice, but nobody can quite figure out what's wrong with it. Until Zoey hears it and says it sounds familiar.

Travis usually likes to be a bit of a know-it-all, having a lot of random bits of trivia he's just learned from years of having nothing to do but entertain himself alone in a cabin, but sometimes the facts he gives are on subjects he never studied. He knows it's because of Enki's relic and he can't do anything about it. He hates how monotone his voice sounds whenever it happens, like he isn't even happy to know this information.

I'm sorry but we cannot gloss over how much turmoil Garroth would be over getting Esmunds relic after Zane already had it. He lies awake at night wondering what the three of them have in common, what he and Zane have in common at all. How could the protector bond with such a destructive awful man? How much is Garroth really like his brother? Can he even say he isn't like his brother if they were able to bond with the same relic?

Zoey may not have personally known all the previous relic holders, but she saw them. She was ten when Irene was walking among the mortals. Sometimes when she looks at her friends she sees... someone else. Someone so familiar, so similar to them, but the details aren't right. She can't tell if this is an effect of the relics or her own dwindling sanity/life force after giving up her immortality.

And entirely for myself because I will keep rewriting Aaron in my posts, Aaron feels such tremendous guilt like all the time. The survivors guilt has consumed everything he is, even the relationship that's supposed to be healing it. All he can think about is how he let everyone down, when he was supposed to lead them. Aaron wears the bandana not because he's hiding his identity, but to hide the permanently miserable look in his eyes.

[retromotherfuckers]

When The Sun Sets - Part 5

What To Say

Characters:

morgan winchester (OC), dean winchester (his POV), sam winchester, john winchester, will mciver (OC) & bobby singer (mentioned)

Summary:

There was no part of Dean that could excuse his failure to act, his inability to keep them safe. They were all he had, and he'd fucked up so bad that one was gone. 

Warnings (for entire story):

SPN typical violence, so so much suppressing of emotions, vague mention of SA, depiction of torture, a very pro-torture main character, murder, vague mention of not eating for a while, parental abuse, slight suicidal ideation, SPN typical alcohol abuse, spoiler warning up to the end of season 10, following canon stops after the end of season 2 but things are sure to be mentioned

Word Count:

3.1k ~ roughly

A/N:

so this came to me in the shower lol. i literally sat down and wrote it right then and there. i ended up being in there for hours so don't ask about the water bill. 

this being part 5 kinda doesn't sit right with me but it also doesn't fit as a standalone either

i'm not really sure where to take this story after this so lmk if there's more you want to see, also if the pov is confusing. and i kinda wanna write a sam pov but i just relate more to dean so it's way easier for me to write him

this is basically a character study/relationship dynamic of dean and morgan

dean: 36, morgan: 35 (her body is 27), sam: 32

Dean Winchester wasn't proud of a lot of the things he'd done. But he took immense pride in his family and what they did. His father raised them as soldiers, and with the way of the world, it was necessary. He taught them how to shoot with such a pristine accuracy they could probably best a lifelong sharpshooter. He taught them to punch, how to aim, and get the most force out of it.

When he was six, he learned about the creatures that lurked in the dark. And how his dad was someone who fought them. About how his dad was a hero, which was why they had to stay with their uncle most of the time.

By the time he was eight, Dean slept with a silver knife under his pillow and a shotgun between him and his siblings. By ten, his dad gave him a .45. By thirteen, they stopped staying with Uncle Bobby, and Dean was officially in charge at all times.

And by nineteen, he had successfully taken out several monsters by himself.

"You know you're good at the job when you can take 'em out on your own," his dad would say afterward. It was his real introduction to the family business. He held his father's words like a Purple Heart, nearly floating on the praise for weeks. 

Even with the accomplishment, he couldn't stop feeling like his siblings were the shining lights of the family. This world ruined him and his father, but they were still young enough to enjoy it.

Sam had only been fifteen, but he was one of the smartest people Dean had ever met. He never really understood why Sam loved fantastical stories and books so much, even if it paid off in the end. That kid was a genius researcher who could find just about anything if you gave him the right materials. And if he needed to find the right materials, he did.

He wasn't just book smart, though. He was probably the most intelligent member of his family when it came to emotions and all that crap. Sam was always the first one to try to resolve a fight with words instead of fists, even though Dean and his father were apes who didn't seem to care.

And his little sister was one of the kindest. She was only a year younger than he, but she walked the earth like a being sent from above. Sure, they had their fights - and, fuck, there were a lot of them, now that he thought about it - but she always found some way to forgive him. Especially when he didn't deserve it.

Morgan took care of them. In every way, shape and form. Somehow, she anticipated what they needed before they knew it themselves. Whether that be a bowl of hot soup, a fight, or a bottle of jack, she always knew. Sam and their father would never stop fighting, and while Dean would nearly freeze, unsure which side to take, she would stay neutral and diffuse the situation. Or, if that didn't work, she'd take that hit for Sam.

Dean would panic when they fought. He always saw both sides. Sam: the kid, pissed off about his overly strict father that never let him have any freedom. John: the dad, pissed off that his son didn't understand how easy it was to get killed.

He knew why their father treated them the way he did. They needed to be taught how to handle themselves against anything, no matter the circumstances.

"The day you trust another hunter is the day you get killed." 

He trusted his siblings with his life. Even if they hadn't gone on hunts alone yet, he knew they'd protect his life with their own if it came down to it. But that would never happen. Dean wouldn't let it if it killed him.

When he was twenty-six, John died to save him. And part of him was numb to it, the death and all. Death was just a Tuesday to him. But this was his father, and another part of him was devastated. His father taught him almost everything he knew, cleaned up every single mess, and made sure Dean knew what he did. 

The last part - an ugly fucking part - was glad. His father was a great man, but he was so damn obsessed with the demon that killed their mother. Any chance Dean had at a childhood was stripped away from him at four years old. He was the oldest, so John made sure he stepped up. Sam and Morgan would die if he didn't.

The night his mother died was the night his father became his drill sergeant, and his siblings became his to protect.

He remembered a lot of that night. The fire, the smoke, baby Sammy completely unaware of what was going on around him, and Morgan screaming in terror because she didn't understand what was going on. Dean was little, too, and he didn't completely understand either, but he knew he had to keep them safe.

"That's your job, Dean." His father told him when he was seven. "You're the only one who can do it when I'm not here." 

Then, when Dean was twenty-eight, his sister would die for their younger brother. There had never been a day in which he didn't hate himself for it. It should've been him, but Morgan was faster. And he would never forgive himself for it.

Hunters died young. He'd known that all his life, but he never thought he'd outlive his siblings. There was no part of him that could excuse his failure to act, his inability to keep them safe. They were all he had, and he'd fucked up so bad that one was gone. 

Even if they'd been pitted against each other their whole lives. Who was a better shot, who threw the more damaging punch, who drew the knife faster. He might've been the one that won in their father's eyes, and at the time, it had meant everything. But now, it all seemed so useless. He wanted to go back and knock some damn sense into himself.

He went over more of the memories. When he gave Morgan his old knife for her birthday, and when he ripped it away from her because he was angry about something he didn't even remember. When she beat him at one of John's exercises and he swung at her. When she didn't fight back. When she started going out with Will and their father beat the shit out of the two of them. When he beat Will up for putting his hand on his little sister's ass and she did fight back.

He remembered when their father died and how Morgan didn't say a word to him. She had just sat and waited for him to go to her because she knew pushing him wasn't the way to get him to talk. He didn't say much at first, but she's the only one he told about that ugly part of him.

"Dad was a fucking dick," she had said, her eyes watering and voice cracking. Her words had given him the freedom to actually take a breath. He was the first to say something awful about their father after he died, but Morgan wouldn't let him think he was the only one thinking it. "And we deserved better than him."

That night, he was able to sleep for the first time in days.

He also remembered when Sam and their father had the worst fight of their lives. Their father went to hit Sam, something he rarely did. And this time, instead of taking it, Sam dodged it and sent one flying back.

Dean had been stuck watching. He agreed with his father that Sam would be safer with them than alone at college. But he also didn't want Sam to hate his life. And if school would make him happy, he wasn't really against it. Morgan was the one who stepped up, physically pulling Sam back and taking the inevitable swing their father had meant for the youngest.

"Enough!" She had yelled at both of them, wiping away the blood dripping down her cheek from their father's ring. It had snapped Dean out of his reverie, and all three of the men in the room stared at her with wide eyes. "Dad, go for a drive or something-"

"This is none of your-"

"I. Don't. Care." Morgan had been seething, and Dean had never heard such a tone used with their father. Every word was a sentence so dark and menacing chills crept up his spine. "Get. Out." 

Something in their father's face had changed as she told him to go. Like he had finally realized she wasn't the girl who used to cling to his leg when she wanted him to hold her. He could see the hunter he burned into her, an unwavering and unforgiving warrior who would bleed something dry if it meant saving a few lives.

So, with a final snarl, John left, and she immediately turned to Sam. She softened her voice a little, but her glare hadn't changed. He hadn't seen his sister that angry since the incident with Will. "Take a shower. And chill the fuck out." 

"But-"

"Sam." She didn't have to say anything else. "I'm not kidding."

It was an order, and Morgan never gave them orders. Dean did sometimes if he was following their father's command, but Morgan had taken charge, as she usually had done during times like these. 

When everything started to break.

Sam didn't argue with her after that.

It was then that Dean realized he was heaving. He just couldn't catch his breath. It was all falling apart, but so was he. His younger brother wanted to leave them, and even if he said it wasn't personal, Dean could only take it that way. And Sam would be in so much danger if he went to school. By himself, in one place, who knows what could have happened? The school could've been haunted, or there could be werewolves or vampires or-

"Dean," Morgan had said, shocking him away from his train of thought. Her voice was way more delicate. It was almost like she was talking to a frightened animal rather than her older brother. "Count to ten."

His breath was shaky and his head was moving from the left to the right in quick, jerky movements. He tried to get the word out, one. It was easy. He knew how to count to ten, for fuck's sake. But it was stuck on his tongue, and his tongue was stuck to the bottom of his jaw.

"Hey, it's okay," she soothed him, holding up her hands to display her fingers. How she had noticed his panic in the midst of everything going on around them, he had no idea. But she always saw those things. "I'll do it first, then we'll do it together."

That was just Morgan.

Dean's brother was half of his reason for living, but his sister was the other.

And now, at thirty-six, he had Morgan back. She looked the same as she did the last time he saw her alive. Her skin was smooth and a little bit tan. Her hair was that same dirty blonde he remembered so well. Her chin was sharp like their father's, but her nose was small like their mother's.

Dean had always been jealous of Morgan's eyes. He looked at himself and saw his father; he looked at his sister and saw his mother. Almond-shaped and blue with a green ring around the pupil. The earth and the sky had collided to give their mother her eyes. And Morgan was blessed with them, too.

And when he wanted nothing more than to talk to Mary, Morgan was the hardest person to look at. He wished it wasn't true, but he let himself resent her for it.

But now, they were so different. 

Morgan was, by no means, unscathed by the life. He had seen it, the way her eyes dimmed throughout her life. And he was sure she saw his do the same. Dean knew he looked his age, but his sister's body was still twenty-seven, so why did she look older than him? Why did she look like she had fought in two wars?

It was a stupid question to think, and he knew that. And he knew the answer to it, but it was still jarring.

They were gray and brown, not blue and green. Maybe it was the dim lighting, but Dean knew better. He was in the pit for six months or sixty years - whatever time measurement he wanted to go by at the moment - and he had it on good authority that he wasn't the same when he came back.

Dean watched Morgan watch Sam as he undid the iron shackles binding her to the chair. He stepped back after freeing her, presumably giving her a moment to get control of her bearings. She closed and opened her fist like she was regaining guardianship of her motor functions. She was clearly confused as she gazed around the room, her brow furrowing at the unfamiliar walls. Then her eyes traveled back to Sam, and she seemed even more perplexed.

"How old are you?"

Dean wasn't too shocked at the question; Sam had become a man since the last time Morgan had seen him. He hadn't gotten taller, but as his hair got longer, his features sharpened, and he grew into himself. He looked nothing like the him Morgan remembered. He looked more like himself as a kid back then.

"Thirty-two," Sam said. His voice was quiet, but it wasn't his usual tone. It was the voice he used when hunting, and he had to rescue someone. Temperate and resonant, like he wasn't a monster hunter.

"Sammy grew up. We both did," Dean quipped, making his voice way lighter than he felt. He took a few steps closer to her until he was just behind the youngest. He nodded to their brother conspiratorally. "Him more than me."

She didn't know what to say; Dean knew that, and he wouldn't force her. Her pale, anxious face turned to him at his words, and she stared at her older brother. He heard her mumble, but he didn't know what she said. He saw his sister doing the calculation in her head, realizing how long it had truly been for them. He knew how long it had been for him, and six months was nearly sixty years in Hell time.

He had no desire to do that math.

"Eight years?" She rasped out, her voice hoarse like she hadn't used it that whole time. "That's it?"

Apparently, not knowing the right thing to say was a family trait.

The eldest Winchester was stuck staring at her. Her blonde hair he had almost forgotten, her rough and slightly metallic voice, his mother's eyes. He had never thought he'd hear or see any of them ever again. She was practically skin and bone - something that concerned him. It seemed her demon alter-ego had forgotten that humans needed to eat and wasn't feeding her. It probably wasn't letting her sleep either. Her face was the same one he had remembered so well, but this version was so gaunt and exhausted.

He was tempted to carry her into a room and put her to bed like she was little again. She needed rest; there was no doubt about that. And he'd let her sleep for days if she didn't look like she'd starve.

When Morgan tried to get up, she stumbled. Dean shot a hand out to catch her by the waist out of reflex, and she breathed out in relief. It looked like she could barely stand.

"Hey, kid," Dean greeted, his words gentle and affectionate. She used to hate it when he called her a kid. She was only a year younger than him, after all, and when they were teenagers, it pissed her off to no end. He kept doing it as they became adults, partially to patronize her, partially to mess with her in good fun. But he had never said it like that. This time, he was calling her the most endearing version of her name. "Good to see you."

Even so, he knew that he hadn't reached it. There were no words he could say to express what he was truly feeling: relief, regret, sadness, happiness, anger. None of it was right. He had just missed his little sister.

She didn't push him when he ignored her question. His non-answer answered enough. He looked at Sam, and saw his little brother's wet eyes with an apologetic smile on his lips. He realized their expressions were probably identical. Morgan's eyes moved back and forth between her brothers. This time, Dean noticed the unshed tears in them.

So he did the only thing he could think of: he pulled her in.

He drew her in so fast she almost lost her footing, but Dean would keep her upright without a second thought. His arms completely enveloped the whole of her, fierce and protective, like she'd slip away if he let go. She didn't have a lot of strength, but he knew she was putting all of her muscle into squeezing him right back. He could feel his shirt getting damp from her tears, and he buried his face in her hair to breathe in her scent.

It was so familiar, yet so different. Morgan used to smell like her favorite shampoo and conditioner, lavender and bergamot. But now she had a hue of citrus to her, with the remains of sulfur. It unsettled him.

Dean let go when she drew back, but it was the last thing he wanted to do. Then he acknowledged Sam, who was waiting to hold his big sister again. He delicately let the support of his sister pass to his youngest brother, and their embrace was just as intense. Sam didn't look like he was ready to let this moment end, but he had to when she pulled away.

She looked like she wanted to say something, but Morgan's mouth kept opening and closing repeatedly like she couldn't find the words. Join the club, he thought. 

But it was still Morgan.

And Dean would never let anything happen to her again, even if he didn't know how to say it.

[nerdieforpedro]

Part Six of "The Lake Between Us"

Gravitational Pull

Ezra AU x Seraphina (plus size OFC)

This fic is for those 18+ MDNI

Word Count: about 1.9k

Warnings: Mentions of all the food (sorry for making you hungry), implied sexual activity, Ezra is a softie, actual adult conversations (the humanity!), Sera and Ezra being sexy and cute (I very much enjoy these two - I'm also biased), two idiots (because they kinda are but it's good - I think)

Summary: Ezra and Seraphina are growing closer fairly quickly. Neither of them view this as a bad thing, but it warrants some conversations and a different kind of dinner.

Notes: Two more parts to go! I made use of a time skip. A good chunk of time passes in the part but it's to show the relationship progression for down the line. There's also two other interludes because of the story flow.

Main Masterlist/ Ezra Masterlist/ The Lake Between Us Series

Orbiting around each other for almost two months, it was surprisingly easy to fall into an exchange of their homes. Seraphina had opened hers first, leaving Ezra to do the same with his. Dinners were alternated as well: gumbo, stews, shrimp and grits, chicken and waffles and Ezra’s favorite that Sera made, jambalaya. He was fond of the sausage she used, letting the spices soak throughout the rice. The evenings became longer as they both lingered in each other's abodes.

Seraphina observed his bookshelves, one was filled with different first editions he’s collected over the years and the other had momentos and pictures from his life with Cee. A small child with cornflower hair smiled brightly in most of them as a younger Ezra held her, sometimes reading, other times sitting in a truck as they drove. His dedication to her upbringing was remarkable. He swears up and down it was just a promise he had to uphold. 

“I keep my honor intact in areas where it matters most in life my dear Moonbeam. That is all it was and is.” 

He can’t hide the small smile that appears each time he looks at her graduation photo. Nor does the gentleman hide how often his hands find their way to her hands, arms, and back. Not that his Moonbeam ever appeared to mind.

There were nights where Ezra would allow Sera to reveal different stories from career. He found it fascinating that a person could remain in the same profession for ten years. The changes she describes and the different facilities she’d worked in. The witnessed suffering, knowing there was little to be done for the patient or their family. The treatment of those in her profession and those associated with it. The physicality of what it means to perform different tasks and the skill it took.

Another two months of dinners brought the two of them closer together, learning about each other. Studying their bodies and sounds. There were times they parted, back across the lake, but oftentimes the nightly partners remained intertwined among limbs and sheets. Still having a drink before bed but not nearly as many. They were dulling each other's edges, making it easier to slip into their dreams. 

There were occasions when they laid awake, wordless as the radiance of the moonlight draped both of their forms; they did wonder if they were awake or asleep. It felt like such a pleasant notion to have someone who understands by your side.

Ezra got a call that Cee was coming back down with her girlfriend Zora on a short break between the summer sessions. They would be in around four in the afternoon. He was supposed to have dinner again with Seraphina, it’s become a near nightly staple, even when she’d have her shifts at the hospital. Ezra had told her to turn on the back porch light if she was willing to have company. Sera always made sure it was turned on after she got home and showered. Even if she fell asleep on the couch sitting next to him, she always thanked him for coming after curling up next to Ezra. 

While cooking for tonight’s dinner, the gentleman decided to make a bit more food. While putting some rolls in the oven, he called Seraphina to let her know. 

“Good afternoon Sundrop. How is the day treating you?” A familiar giggle is heard over the phone, she’d told him that she’d be out part of the day with her mother. He heard her mother in the background asking if that’s ’the handsome man with the good ass gumbo’ Ezra maybe poked fun at Sera about that a bit, even after making the matriarch his bread pudding two weeks ago. Sera’s mother still called him that or ‘skilled with his hands.’ 

“Well. I’m going to finish shopping with her and take her home. Then I’ll be on my way back. How are things on your end?” Sera’s mother pinched her cheek and laughed, taking the bags with her. She put them in the car. He smiled, knowing that her mother likely did something to make her yell, “Ma!”

“Sundrop. Cee called and said that her and her girlfriend are popping down for about a week between their sessions. I’m going to pick them up and they’ll come back to the house.” Ezra set the timer for his rolls and checked his shrimp, still sautéing in the frying pan, not quite as brown as he would like. 

“Alright. Did you want me to come and meet her? Or did you just want to spend time with Cee yourself?” Curious, what his answer would be and also to meet the fabled Cee. Ezra’s pride and source of joy. Was there room for her in his world? Or maybe not yet, it might be too soon.

“My dear, I don’t want to pressure you into meeting her. There will be other opportunities.” Ezra added some more butter, onions, peppers and some seasoning to the shrimp. “However, I am making plenty of food for you to join us tonight. If you wish.” Silence for a moment too long he feels. Things are too ambiguous. “Sera, it’s fine if-“

“I want to meet her, she’s important to you.” Sera’s mother protested being taken home wanting to eavesdrop a bit more, “I’ll call you again after I drop her off.”

“Of course. Talk to you then.”

Their conversation ended for now. It picked up again while Ezra was simmering the grits after finishing the shrimp.

Seraphina knocked on Ezra’s door. He answered in a white tank top, dark green apron and brown cargo shorts. He was barefoot with the fans going, it was too soon to turn the AC on, it was best to save for the nighttime. She walked in and brought chocolate cake she'd baked the night before and a fresh bottle of tequila. Following into the kitchen, Sera set the bottle down and placed a hand on Ezra’s back as he checked his pots.

“You know what’s important to me and that’s family. You were wonderful with my mother and she can be a handful. I don’t want to pressure you either. This is…” Pausing, she loses the words. Does he feel the same way that this is going somewhere? Is it really? They have just been rather casual about things with the exception of him meeting her mother. And maybe Sera mentioning him to her friends. Possibly only on her side she didn’t see it as casual.

Turning the heat down on grits, Ezra faced her head on. She looked up at him with the same honey orbs that held curiosity on the dock that afternoon. Now they held such trepidation. “This is something that’s been foreign to the both of us for quite a long time. A relationship, is it not?” Her flowing yellow dress appeared to glow in the artificial light of his kitchen. His hands found their way to her hips, where they tended to stay. “I would be overjoyed if you met Cee. Then she could put a face to the name of the woman I’ve been spending my time with and who has been helping me to sleep better. Giving me a bit more purpose.” Watching her face as he spoke, Ezra knew he may have said a bit too much, not unusual for him. He usually peppered it with innuendo to lighten things, but this wasn’t the time. 

“I suppose you’ll tell me next I shouldn’t have been so wrought with concern.” Pecking his lips to keep it light, the wide smile on her face was evident. “I’m not sure how long we’ll be together like this but I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else.”

“I should hope not. And you had the same concerns I did. I just know what I feel as well. I do hope we’ll be at this for a while yet. You aren’t going to be rid of me, are you Sundrop?” The grin found among Ezra’s patchy beard drew Sera’s hand to it as it had before. Shaking her head, she kisses him again letting herself linger. An arm snakes around her back before he draws his head back to go for her shoulder, he'd rather have her neck or chest. Ezra makes sure to keep in mind that his charge will be here with them for dinner and not leave any marks on her body as he normally does. 

“I’d be a fool to let a man like you go, .”

Before Ezra left to pick up Cee and Zora, Seraphina assisted him in cleaning the table before popping back to her house to freshen up a bit further. Both their bodies had become drenched with sweat and they’d need to change clothes. Ezra requested, however, that she not change her underwear and he wouldn’t either. Playfully slapping his arm, before capturing his lips once again, “Such a filthy scoundrel you are.”

“Since I am, will you help make me a new man by allowing me to see all of you again tonight? It can be wherever you like, as always, lady’s choice.” His hand cups her ass and squeezes. Keeping her near the door, not letting her leave quite yet.

“I think maybe I should. Since you’re such an honorable and changed man now. Let me go, I can’t be meeting Cee smelling of-“ Her laugh made him want to hold her longer.

“Neither of them would know anything about that type of smell, I hope. Besides, you smell divine.” Nuzzling into her black poofy tresses, he finally released her. “But if you must go. So be it. Remember my two requests, Sera.”

“I know. They’ll remain. Focus on getting those girls here safely please.”

“I can think of more than one thing at a time. See you back here tonight.”

They parted ways as Ezra tracked to pick Cee and Zora up and Sera washed up and dried out her dress. She’d keep the yellow dress on a bit longer. He was right, it did smell of him, not as strong as when she first came home. Having Ezra scent around her was as much of a comfort as it was a source of arousal. She needs to focus on the former for dinner tonight. 

Seraphina was going to meet face to face with the fabled Cee, she was only a little nervous. Little did she know Cee was as well. When was the last time she was this invested in a relationship? Not since college and this one was certainly a lot more healthy. Sera felt she could have worded it better, but she’s been nervous about bringing it up, always was. Per usual, Ezra made her feel like her worrying was totally normal and so was how strongly she felt about him. If he were to pull away from her, she would just hold on tighter, hoping that he would feel the same.

Ezra was humming to a song he hadn’t heard in years, “Day Dreaming.” He laughed because the last few months has felt like consecutive pleasant dreams. He was sure he was aware though. Maybe this is what he should be doing and where he should be. As Ezra drove, he was more sure in comparison to even half an hour ago - even if she fell out of love with him, he would long for her.

Chapter Five

Chapter Seven

Interlude One

Interlude Two

Taste-testers of Ezra’s gumbo 🍤: @rav3n-pascal22 @maggiemayhemnj @morallyinept @survivingandenduring @bonezone44 @magpiepillsjunior @yorksgirl @gemmahale @missredherring @missladym1981 @alltheglitterandtheroar @megamindsecretlair @readingiskeepingmegoing @pedroshotwifey @tinytinymenace @inept-the-magnificent @vivian-pascal @jessthebaker @littlemisspascal

[geminiskulleta]

Tetra - The Captain

Age: 14

Link: Hero of the Winds

• Definitely the wild card of the team, she has a very wide skill set and excellent combat abilities despite not knowing magic.

• When she met the other Zeldas, she wanted to suppress that side of her and thought that they would all be stuck up princesses, but after she got to know them and learned more about her heritage, she learned to embrace being Zelda while still staying true to herself.

• Unlike Flora, she isn’t very interested in learning magic and is much more interested in exploring the new lands she is brought to and learning how to fight better.

• She likes to prank the others every now and again, but she can sometimes take things a little too far. She is too afraid to prank lullaby, however because despite her calm exterior she can be very intimidating when needed. She is also the most competitive of all the Zeldas with her, Sun, Athena and Fable usually getting into intense contests and competitions.

• She can sometimes be a little immature when it comes to important tasks or issues, but the others don’t hold it against her.

• She is a great storyteller and tells the most amazing tales of her adventures at sea.

• Often ropes Dot into her pranks, much to Dots dismay, and likes to wander off with Flora.

• Has the stickiest fingers in all of Hyrule, and is a bit of a Kleptomaniac. The Zeldas have to keep a very close eye on her whenever they’re in markets or Castletown as she is all but guaranteed to pickpocket someone. Whenever anything is missing the blame always falls on her.

• Suprisingly fierce for her age, the others admire her a lot for her bravery and strength.

• A lot more savvy and world weary (wise, if you will) than Wind. Even though she is just three months older, she acts much more mature than him.

• She is an out-of-the-box thinker and always comes up with creative (if not chaotic) solutions to the problems the Zeldas face. No matter how outlandish her plans are, they always work out in the end. They drew the line at Aurora being shot out of a canon though. Tetra claimed it was a perfectly adequate form of travel.

• Whenever anyone argues with Tetra, to their annoyance, she somehow always ends up being right. This pisses off everyone she knows to no avail. No matter how absurd-sounding her side of an argument sounds, it’s always correct.

Relationship with Link

• She and Wind are best friends. Unlike Fable and Legend who have known each other for nearly ten years, they have only known each other for two

• After what they have been through she feels like she can trust him with her life.

• She finds how gullible he can be hilarious and gets him to believe stories she made up. He falls for it all the time.

• When they are older they will realise they have romantic feelings for each other and continue the royal family after they rebuild Hyrule.

• Wind is Tetras first mate and plays a very important role in their pirate crew.

• She is EXTREMELY superstitious and has Wind believing every old wives tale she knows.

• Sometimes when Wind is feeling homesick or can’t sleep, she makes up stories to help him take his mind off of things.

• Wind collects things he thinks Tetra will like in hopes of showing them to her when they meet again.

• Tetra had been hardened a bit by her life out at sea, but Winds childish wonder had never faded no matter what was thrown at him. He helps her to heal her inner child.

• They’re just chaotic together and bombard anyone they come across with their pranks and childish antics.

[thebellamyxcalvert]

Welcome to Aurora Bay, [BELLAMY CALVERT]! I couldn’t help but notice you look an awful lot like [MIKEY MADISON]. You must be the [TWENTY-FOUR] year old [ATTENDANT AT PINBALL WIZARD ARCADE]. Word is you’re [WITTY] but can also be a bit [SCATHING] and your favorite song is [THANK YOU FOR THE VENOM - MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE]. I also heard you’ll be staying in [OCEAN CREST APARTMENTS]. I’m sure you’ll love it!

TW: parental death, parental abuse, abortion

@aurorabayaesthetic

Bellamy’s life growing up was like any other girl’s. At least that’s the lie she spewed. Her reality though, is something she’d rather not think about. Born and raised in a small home in Seabrook, her childhood had been great until it wasn't. Her mother, Norah, died when she was only eight and her father, Eric, never quite recovered from the loss. Afterwards, her father was distant at best, drowning his emotions in gambling and alcohol and strings of one night stands while Bellamy was left to fend for herself, learning to cook and tend to her own needs by the time she was ten.

It was once she was a teenager though that there was another shift in her father. She was thirteen the first time her father got in her face, upset that Bellamy had called him a drunk and told him that he reeked. She was fourteen the first time he shoved her aside into a wall, and things just slowly escalated from there--not to mention that her father's treatment of her had made Bellamy a bit...chaotic. Skipping classes, sneaking into college parties. The only reason she even graduated was due to some silent agreement between Bell and her father: she didn't out him as a drunk, abusive piece of shit that would wind up with him in jail (and her maybe in the system), and he'd show up to parent-teacher meetings that otherwise would have had her expelled.

It all came to a head when she was eighteen, freshly (miraculously) graduated from high school, and she finally fought back. Her father had slapped her in the face for not having dinner ready and she shoved him right back. The fight that ensued was still something that plagued her nightmares; the sounds of glass shattering, the pain from the shoves, the unyielding tiled floor. Bellamy ran away that night with nothing but a duffle bag and all the cash she could swipe from her father's wallet once he was passed out drunk, pure adrenaline fueling her.

She ran right to her boyfriend, someone she had only been with for a couple of months but had been planting the seeds of running off together for a while now anyways. And so they finally did it, heading off on the road in his shitty pickup truck, no plan in mind but going east. And for months, things were great, freeing. Until they weren't. Until she was sitting on the bed in a motel with a positive pregnancy test in hand, her whole world zeroing in on those stupid little lines. Her boyfriend ran off soon after, scared at the mere thought, and no way in hell she was doing it alone, Bell made her way to a clinic and got everything taken care of.

After that, she decided to stop trusting men in her life altogether. She still had her fun of course, still had some pretty no-named thing in her bed near weekly, but none got near her heart. None got near enough to hurt her again. She would no longer be toyed by them--in fact, she'd do the toying.

East continued to be the goal throughout it all. She managed to hitchhike and get odd jobs here and there until saving up enough to get her own ratty pickup. She was twenty when she made it all the way to Indiana too before finally deciding to settle in for a while. Nearly two years on the road and just living life one day to the next had been exciting, sure, but she could use the break too. So she got herself a tiny little apartment and a job, and did just that: settle in. And if she maybe settled her way into the laps of pretty men (regardless of relationship status) well, who could blame her?

Her life continued on that way too, happily partying and working and sleeping her way around until a few months ago when she got a letter in the mail. Her father had been found dead from a heart attack. Good riddance was her first thought. Her second thought was the odd realization of, well, officially being an orphan. She wasn't quite sure how she felt about it. Nor was she even sure of what she'd wanted to do--not until she got fired from her current waitressing job around the holidays. Without a steady income and rent looming on her, Bellamy again felt that fuck it mentality coming back, so much so that she found herself once again packing up her stuff and shoving it all into her same (now beloved) pickup truck, west now being the goal. All the way west, until she found herself once again crossing the California state line.

Bellamy got back to Aurora Bay in early-January, the town full of enough holiday fatigue that not many people from her past realized she was even back. Good. After all, practically no one knew her father had been abusive. And once she left at eighteen, she'd hardly kept in touch with anyone. Maybe it was shitty of her to do but...oh well. She couldn't change the past. She'd apologize to anyone who felt they needed it but otherwise, Bell is fully intending on just living her life again in what was once her home- now without her father's shadow darkening everything.

extras:

birthday: november 2nd

height: 5'3

nicknames: bell, bells. for the love of god, don't call her 'bella'

been back in town since january 2025

chairman of the halloween should be year round committee

will literally never say no to shenanigans™

her sexuality is just yes

pinterest

current connections:

employee/pseudo fam-vibes of @despaiiring

next door neighbor to @mackonestevie and @drewohara

childhood trauma bonded friend of @tabithaxking

high school exes/friend of @luckylewis

wanted connections:

a roomie at ocean crest

high school exes/hookups

current hookups (all genders welcome!)

party friends

oui'd connect 🍃

friends from school who felt some type of way that she dipped without a word

high school friend(s) who knew her dad was abusive

(a lot of plotting!) but mayhaps her ex who ran away with her and ditched her

[amtrak12]

Hey hi! I read your Helena Wells meta earlier, from ten years ago, and I found it so interesting and spot on, and at the end you were so sad that you felt like you didn't have a good grasp on the character - do you feel that has changed, since then? And if so, how? Or, what do you think of Helena these days?

(the meta you posted and linked here: https://www.tumblr.com/purlturtle/736985181321314304/your-helena-tangent-got-me-thinking-and-yes-this )

Oooo fun and deep questions! :D Thank you!!

Obviously, that was 2.5 high schools ago so I had to reread my original meta to refresh my memory. My first thought is: OMFG LEARN PARAGRAPH BREAKS!! O_O But then, as I kept reading and saw how many spaces were missing after periods and how the sentences after the missing space read like a new paragraph -- my second thought is, I think Tumblr did me dirty at some point in the last 10 years of formatting changes and I actually did use appropriate paragraph breaks originally. Rude. -_-

But on the point of your actual questions! lol

I don't remember writing that exact post, but being nervous and uncertain about my Helena characterization does ring a bell. I was DEFINITELY more confident in analyzing/meta-ing Myka or Pete (if it was in relation to Myka). HG made me nervous and that was only like 10% because she's British and I'm American.

Some of my uncertainty probably came from my lack of historical knowledge (which has not improved. Fun fact: this is why I nearly never invented an artifact for fic). A not-insignificant portion of my uncertainty probably also came from how confident the rest of the fandom spoke about Helena. It seemed like she was meta-ed more often and by more people than Myka was. (Which makes sense as -- in general -- Helena was/probably still is the more popular character in the B&W ship.) I don't remember ever feeling like someone was way off base or out of character with Helena, but I do remember reading meta/fic sometimes and struggling to decide if I disagreed with a character trait/action that the person assigned her or if it was an accurate aspect of Helena's character that I hadn't internalized yet.

Basically I had Opinions about how Myka (and Pete for that matter) should be written and definitely noticed when a fic disagreed with me. But figuring out HG was like the wild west to me and I could never pin her down with firm barriers on who her character is and isn't.

I am very, very rusty on my Warehouse 13 knowledge because it's been nearly a decade since I was deep in my analyzation of the show. So, I wouldn't say I have a better grasp on Helena's characterization today than I did in 2014. But there are some aspects I feel like I could understand better if I took the time to rewatch and meta.

Loss of a child -- look I don't have children, but I do have niblings now that I adore. I'm also raising a dog who taught me I do not have the energy or anxiety coping mechanisms to raise a human child, because worrying about her almost does me in on its own. And I'm in my mid-30's now and seem to have a better understanding of parent-child relationships (or I'm at least way more interested in exploring them now, both from the view of the child and the view of the parent). So, exploring Christina's death and just how much that affected Helena would absolutely be on my list of deep-dives. I never ignored this before, but I'm certain I could pull more out of this backstory today than I could've in 2014.

Helena's guilt -- I started rambling at the end of that post about which things Helena felt guilty about and whether she felt guilty at all. As far as I remember, I usually wrote her as feeling some measure of guilt for her past actions. (Although I was also usually writing full AU settings so it was a moot point.) But I also wasn't wrong when I pointed out how she didn't show any obvious signs of regret over her S2 actions, unless it was something that had hurt Myka. If I was going to go back and meta WH13, I would explore this topic deeper for sure.

Interestingly, it's not something I could've explored deeper prior to 2022-ish. But now I've watched the series Lucifer which deals entirely with guilt and has a protagonist with shut down emotions who doesn't regret things and then, through incremental changes over 6 seasons, opens up, learns to feel every emotion again, unpacks a lot of shit etc. And I have been FASCINATED by how the writers pulled that off, because on the surface it is not a show (or a protagonist) that I should care about. (And if I had watched it from ep 1.01 instead of completely ass backwards, I wouldn't have cared about him.) BUT I DO CARE! And I want to know how they pulled off Lucifer's character arc. And then I want to use some of the techniques they used to explore guilt and pain and apply them to Helena to see what emerges in her character. Because I think it would be really interesting.

And then finally, I'm not sure I have anything new to bring to the conversation around what Helena's future with the warehouse and/or happy ending looks like. But I could also never make up my mind on what would work best for her. Does she return as an agent? Does she become a regent? (Probably not, but you never know.) Does she just become the live-in inventor who doesn't venture into the field unless absolutely necessary? I have absolutely no idea what her future with the warehouse would look like if a romantic relationship with Myka is her happy ending. (Which is my personal goal obviously lol).

Because -- and this is where my Opinions on Myka come into play -- our girl Myka Bering is not leaving that warehouse. Ever. She is the new Artie. She will take over as the lead agent when he retires/partially retires. And then she will die there. In South Dakota of old age (because I refuse to let her die on a mission). Pete? Oh, my boy Pete will meet an awesome lady and retire to be a stay at home dad. He'll walk away one day. Myka? Absolutely never. You're burying her at the warehouse. Which means Helena will have to have some kind of relationship with it again, and I would have to figure out what that looks like because both today and in 2014, I can't decide what option fits her best.

I hope this answers your question! It was so deep and I love it :D I just don't have new thoughts on WH13 yet because I haven't looped back around to a full blown obsession with it yet. (It will happen. Round 2 of BERING AND WELLS ARE THE BEST THING EVER will absolutely happen at some point in my life because that's how I roll and they are.) So this is less meta about how my thoughts on Helena have changed, and more about how my approach to her character would change given the experience I've gained in the last ten years.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK!

[idc4987]

The Cursed Queen | Part One

*a/n: flashbacks in italics, slightly ooc aegon but i feel like he was a sweet young boy at times*

Late Summer, 129 AC

"You are distracted, Aenessa."

Daemon observed from above as the young woman sparred against one of the squires.

In the ten years that had passed, Rhaenerya's daughter had grown beautifully. She wore the scars on her arms like trophies and became more resilient against the urges in her mind. Daemon instructed her training personally. He'd taught her that to strengthen her body, her mind had to become strong first. Daemon taught her, in the kindest way possible, that being vulnerable was acceptable only off of the battlefield. But he'd also taught her that nearly every place she travelled to, there would be someone who wished to start a fight. Aenessa knew she had to abandon her fears if she wished to succeed as her Mother's heir. There was no place to be childish and no time to worry over the simplest of things. Aenessa had to heal from her curse and push away her mind.

It took moons to master, but, in the end, Daemon was beyond proud to call her his apprentice. She truly was an artist with a blade and a masterful presence in court.

Despite how much Daemon doted on her, he always knew there was a silent competitor. Their relationship with one another was close to Aenessa's tight bond with her true father. Although they had little time spent with each other, Aenessa was certainly her father's little princess. It nearly made Daemon for remorseful for helping him escape from the life of royalty. But after years of being married to her mother, Aenessa loved Daemon equally.

"Mother has another line of suitors prepared for today." She scoffed as a fowl look spread across her features. It was what had awakened the Dragon princess so early. "I think being slightly worried is reasonable." Aenessa retorted, parrying the strike that the squire attempted to land on her.

It had been the same for months. Since Aenessa twentieth nameday, her mother resumed the duties of a royal. Aenessa was to marry. Whether it was for the sake of the crown or the sake of their house, Aenessa didn't know why her mother was so persistent about it. "Of course, but I didn't say you looked worried." Daemon quipped smartly. He had left the balcony from above and entered the training field, unsheithing Dark Sister from the belt at his side. "You are distracted." Daemon dismissed the sweating squire with a wave of his hand. Aenessa had been running circles around the boy for the last hour. He deserved a break before he dropped dead. "You must focus."

Aenessa quickly changed the subject, cracking her neck from side to side and rolling her shoulders. "Strike me as you did during our last session. I wish to try to again, see where I went wrong." The bun of heavy dreadlocks was still tight upon her head and it caused her brow to glisten with sweat. The early morning sun was slowly affecting her ability, she was getting physically tired but still wishing to continue.

Daemon smirked. "As you wish."

~~~~~~

The matchmaking process for Aenessa had been quite exciting at first. She enjoyed being desired. The little girl in her still delighted when a handsome young man, around her age of course, smiled in her direction. But it had slowly become tiresome. The gifts morphed into a mountain in the corner of her rooms. Half of them were empty chocolate boxes that Baela and Rhaena had gorged themselves on as Aenessa wasn't looking. The dresses were all too small or enormous and Aenessa wrestled her way out of the ones that fit due to the unbearably itchy fabric. The idea of courting a man didn't sway in her mind when each turn in front of the looking glass sent her reeling. Aenessa had learned to embrace her scars and the curves that she'd earned from turning into a young woman, but it didn't stop the self-criticising demon in her mind.

It caused her to spend nearly everyday in her training clothes, much to her ladys' maids dismay. Her boots were grubby, coated in the dusty sand that she trained on. Her face was still coated in a layer of sweat, her cheeks flushed and puffed out as she regained her breath. Her hair was always in the same style and her nails were chipped and dirty. The 'cursed' princess of King's Landing had turned into the rebel of Dragonstone, much to Daemon's delight.

"And for you, my princess, I bring forth ten of my finest pigs. They are prize worthy beasts-"

Aenessa blocked out the rest of what the young Lord was attempting to preach to her. She had made eye contact with Jace and Luce and nearly burst into fits of laughter at the faces they were making.

Since leaving Kings Landing, Aenessa had become more bold. It was all thanks to her Granduncle Daemon, something Aenessa knew made her truly indebted to him. Her Mother both despised and loved that her daughter had become more confident in herself. Aenessa spoke more, voiced her opinions on topics she wouldn't have done years prior. The blooming pride Rhaenerya felt was indistinguishable. But at times like this, where the old Aenessa was meant to shine through, Rhaenerya rolled her eyes at her smugness.

"I do believe the princess is bored, dearest." Daemon chuckled into her ear as they both watched Aenessa force herself to conceal her laughter behind a cough.

Rhaenerya sighed. If she gave in now, she had no idea when the next chance to find Aenessa a husband would be. Word had come from Rhaenys. Vaemond Velaryon was taking advantage of Lord Corlys' illness and had called for court. He wished to stand against Jacerys' claim as Lord of The Tides. It was no longer against Luce after Rhaenerya had named her daughter as her air. They had to travel to the Red Keep to attend to court. Rhaenerya had not yet confessed the arranged journey was happening to Aenessa. "Thank you for attending today's gathering, my Lord's. House Targaryen thanks you all for the gifts and honours you have displayed today, but i fear we must adjourn." She almost instinctively touched her growing belly to silently explain why they were ending so early. There were a few groans and huffs from various men in the room, but Aenessa was smirking widely.

She hopped down from the throne that had been specifically prepared for her and hugged Rhaenerya. "You saved me, Mother." Aenessa laughed, knowing she was only getting on her Mother's nerves even more than she had been.

"Go and prepare for supper, you filthy beast." Rhaenerya teased affectionately as she held her daughter's face in her hands.

Daemon spoke quietly to his wife once Aenessa had left them, all three of her younger brothers battling for her attention. "Is she still unaware?"

Rhaenerya looked down at her feet, clearly guilty. "I haven't had the strength to tell her yet. She's been peaceful these past few nights."

Daemon understood the otherwise cryptic messages from his wife. Aenessa had been 'peaceful' for the past week. Daemon didn't have to be clever to realise that, his body had told him before anything else. It thanked him for the extra sleep every morning with cracking bones and a refreshed feeling. "I shall tell her if you do not wish to, my darling." He pressed a kiss to Rhaenerya's forehead and raised a finger to lift her chin up. "She will be fine."

~~~~~~

"You are beautiful, though. I don't understand why you do not believe me." A ten year old Aegon huffed indignantly. He had been arguing with Aenessa for almost an hour after they sat for their annual portraits. It had started after Aenessa quietly sobbed into his shoulder about how ridiculous she looked. The royal painter had portrayed her with much paler skin and made her hair considerably lighter than it was. Aenessa despised how uneven it was, the locks of white Valyrian hair from her Mother's side messed with the brown locks from her grandmother Rhaenys' Baratheon heritage. But what the painter had done to her hair made it even worse.

"Nessa?" Aegon nudged her lightly with his elbow.

"Stop lying." She mumbled, clenching her fists around the blue silk of her skirt.

Aegon looked at the girl, astonished that she did not believe him and accuse him of doing such a thing. "I am not!" He protested. "You are beautiful, there is no debate around it." Sometimes, Aegon did wonder if his Nessa saw the same person he did. "Why do you not think you are beautiful?" He exhaled loudly. Aegon realised he was fighting on the losing side of this battle and that maybe he should listen to Aenessa's reasoning.

"Because I am smart and I can see properly." Aenessa said, matter-of-factly.

"W-well if seeing you as beautiful makes me stupid, than I shall be the stupidest of them all." Aegon said with equal amounts of confidence. "I shall have Father make a decree that any man who sees you as beautiful will be made into one of his lords." He declared loudly, standing up from the bench they were sat on as though he were a mighty knight.

"Would that not be a silly decision? They are stupid, after all." Aenessa argued, thinking over his outrageous statement.

Aegon shrugged. "All the current lords are stupid, I'm certain they wouldn't mind a few more."

"You are peculiar, Aegon." Aenessa giggled, a wide, toothy smile breaking out across her face.

Aegon smirked, pride rising in his chest as he successfully brightened his best friend's mood. "And you are beautiful, my little Nessa."

~~~~~~

Aenessa shook away the memory and continued fixing her dress in front of the mirror on her wall. Despite how much she wanted to see Aegon as a liar, the comment from her childhood always made getting dressed every morning the slightest bit more bearable.

"Nessa?" Aenessa was torn from her thoughts by a small, muffled voice from outside her door. "Are you ready for supper, Sister?" It was Joffrey. He cracked open the door and peeked around the edge of it with a wide smile on his face. Aenessa opened her arms for him and squeezed him tightly as he ran in for a hug. Joffrey let out a squeal as she span him around in the air.

"Where is Nanny, my little dragon?" She asked, peppering kisses all over his cheeks. When Joffrey admitted to running away from her, Aenessa couldn't help but chuckle. He'd clearly spent far too much time with Luce and was slowly catching his prankster attitude. Aenessa always found herself laughing around her youngest brother. Joffrey was the most innocent of them all and it showed as clear as day with how he influenced everyone around him like a beam of sunlight. "Let us go for supper, then. If you've spent all day running away from Nanny, your stomach shall begin growling as loud as Greyghost soon."

At the mention of Aenessa's beloved dragon, Joffrey began a torrential story about his latest painting.

Greyghost was rumoured to be an unclaimable dragon that haunted the smoking volcano on the eastern side of Dragonmont. Without a rider on his back, Greyghost was known to be skittish and fearful of both dragons and humans. Aenessa bonded with him on her ninth nameday after escaping from the castle when the celebrations became to much for her to handle. The Baratheon girls had been bullying her for an unknown reason and Aenessa fled from the ballroom, eventually finding herself outside the castle walls in the cold night air. Greyghost appeared out of thin air. He was a gorgeous creature with a thick armour of greyish white scales and a fascinating map of scars across his body. Aenessa had seen dragons before many times, but being almost nose to nose with one was an entirely new experience.

With quivering lips and shaking hands, Aenessa spoke in High Valyrian as she raised her palm to the snout of the so-called 'unclaimable' dragon. Her pronunciation was terrible at the time, but Aenessa squealed in delight as the dragon nuzzled against her.

Joffrey gasped moments before Aenessa reached the door to the dining hall, finally halting in his frantic recount of the day and breaking her from her thoughts once again. "You won't tell Mother, will you?" He asked nervously, clutching at the neckline of his sister's dress.

She had walked the entire way there, from one side of the castle to the other, with him bouncing up and down on her hip.

"Promise you won't tell, Nessa." Joffrey pleaded with a face that he knew she couldn't resist.

Aenessa paused in thought to trick her brother. It looked as though she would deny his request and Joffrey's face fell. "Of course, my little dragon. I won't say a word." She squeezed him teasingly and nodded to the guards as a signal to open the doors.

The other Velaryon boys were already seated at the dining table in an intense staring contest, time-wasting as their Mother insisted on waiting for the others. Daemon was proudly slouched in his chair at the head of the table when the doors opened with Rhaenyra at his side. Once Joffrey wriggled from her grasp, Aenessa apologised for making them wait for so long and took her normal seat at the table.

"Tis' quite alright, dearest. You have had a long day." Rhaenyra reassured her. "I'm sure your considerate brothers can manage waiting a few minutes before dining." She added with a glare to Jace and Lucerys. They were both aware and fully prepared for the journey that they'd be making to King's Landing the next morning. All Rhaenrya had asked of them was to be considerate and not sarcastic. Returning to King's Landing was going to be a difficult journey for all of them.

*introduction* / *part two*

[what-if-rpg]

Welcome to the family, SUMMER! Your application to BLAINE ANDERSON was accepted. We’re really happy to have you around! Make sure to read the beginners checklist, and remember, have fun! We can’t wait to roleplay with you! Have fun!

IN CHARACTER

CHARACTER NAME: Blaine Devon Anderson CHARACTER AGE & DATE OF BIRTH: 27, April 18th. OCCUPATION: Broadway Actor, Songwriter FACE CLAIM: Darren Criss HOMETOWN & CITY WHERE LIVES NOW: Westerville, Ohio. Currently lives in New York City. SEXUAL ORIENTATION & GENDER: Gay, Male. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Married to Kurt Hummel POSITIVE TRAITS: Charismatic, Modest, Supportive NEGATIVE TRAITS: Insecure, Impulsive, Dramatic CHARACTER QUOTE/LYRIC: “Prejudice is just ignorance.”

HEADCANONS

When your older brother is perfect at everything he does, it’s not always easy to keep up. Cooper was ten years older than Blaine, and although their age gap and individual differences did play a role in impacting their relationship, however it was Cooper’s overly critical and nitpicking attitude that bothered Blaine the most. As a kid, Blaine had always felt so small in front of his older brother. Cooper was talented, charming, and everyone adored him. It wasn’t easy growing up with someone like that, but Blaine still looked up to Cooper. The more Cooper criticized and picked on him, the harder he worked to live up to his expectations.

Blaine can be very charming and confident when he wants to be, but he also likes to use those traits as some sort of mask to cover up his insecurities. His feelings of inadequacy started with Cooper, but it got worse after he came out to his parents and was rejected by his own father. Then, things sort of escalated from there, what with the bullying that he faced and later on Sadie Hawkins. Needless to say, feelings of shame and guilt still followed him around like a shadow since that day.

Transferring to Mckinley to be with Kurt was a turning point for Blaine. Dalton was a safe space and he truly enjoyed being a Warbler, but he didn't feel like he was being his true self at Dalton. Students were expected to conform at Dalton; it felt more like he was playing the role of Blaine Warbler rather than allowing himself to be - well, himself. Mckinley was chaotic, unpredictable, and absolutely nothing like Dalton, but he made friends who treat each other like family by joining Glee, and they taught him how to be his authentic self and learn to have fun again.

Kurt calling off their engagement and breaking up with him nearly broke him as a person, causing him to run away from his dreams, from New York, and back to the safety of his home and Dalton, much like he did after Sadie Hawkins. And even though he’s happily married to Kurt now and they have a daughter together, but a part of him is still affected by it and will always feel insecure about that.

CONNECTIONS

PAMELA & TODD ANDERSON (Parents): Blaine grew up being closer to his mother than his father. His father’s rejection of his sexuality further strained their relationship, to the point where they barely spoke to one another unless it was absolutely necessary. The fake shooting incident at Mckinley brought them to their senses, however, and even though his parents are now separated, Blaine still keeps in touch with them, with him calling his mother more often than he does with his father. COOPER ANDERSON (Brother): Blaine still doesn’t know how to interact with Cooper most of the time, and their relationship is still awkward, but deep down Blaine knows that Cooper cares about him, and is trying his best to support Blaine in his own way. KURT HUMMEL (Husband): Kurt is the love of Blaine’s life. Despite their ups and downs and also differences, Blaine never stopped loving Kurt, and as if being drawn and pulled by some invisible, universal force, they always seemed to go back to one another. And although they’re happily married now, but Blaine still sees their relationship as a work in progress, and is constantly learning how to communicate better with his husband. SERENA ANDERSON-HUMMEL (Daughter): If Kurt is the love of Blaine’s life, then Serena is the culmination and proof of that undying love. While Kurt is the strict parent, Blaine couldn’t help but to spoil her instead. He would buy her sweet treats and new toys, always giving in to her requests and pleas (much to Kurt's dismay) SAM EVANS & TINA COHEN-CHANG (Best Friends): They were the trio who were there for each other at Mckinley. Sam was there for Blaine when he cheated on Kurt by stopping him from running away to Dalton. Blaine is forever grateful towards Sam for being in his corner, even when he was at his lowest. They bonded over superheroes and games and Star Wars since, and Blaine truly admires Sam for the genuine and supportive person that he is. As for Tina, she developed a crush on Blaine while Blaine was crushing on Sam during their senior years, but things were never awkward between them. If anything, they became closer over the years and their friendship is still as strong as ever. SEBASTIAN SMYTHE (Close Friend): While it’s true that Sebastian almost blinded Blaine back in high school, but Sebastian has since turned over a new leaf and Blaine is all for giving someone the redemption they deserve and second chances. Besides, once a Warbler, always a Warbler. RACHEL BERRY (Friend): Blaine and Rachel became good friends when he went back to Ohio that year, where they both supported each other even though they were also rivals at the same time. Blaine has always admired and worshipped Rachel’s grit and talent, and their relationship only became stronger when Rachel became the surrogate for Serena. DAVID KAROFSKY (Ex-Boyfriend): Blaine and David had an amicable breakup, hence they’re still on good terms. While their relationship only lasted for a short period of time, but Blaine will always look back at it with great fondness.

[tragedienes]

@fiinalgiirls​ / ingrid & your choice of muse! most likely someone that already has an hs verse or might have known her at the start of the outbreak? / made with legacy.

ten years ago. ingrid tried not to think about that too much, that the world ended ten fucking years ago. a whole decade had passed, long years that stretched on forever. she went from a high school girl to an adult survivor within that decade. now she could barely remember what life had been like before it all began, who she even was before the bloodshed and the dirt and the pain. cheyenne had changed along with her, the ersatz society they tried very hard to form had fallen away soon after it started. sometimes, when the night was still and the cries of the walkers were miles away, she tried to remember the baby she had been. holed up in her family home, the only one of the family still in it, allowing a man much older and far wiser into it and her heart naively. how she was so scared to be alone, still clinging onto the idea that maybe all this shit would just go away or how there would always be someone there to protect her. sometimes she mourned no longer being that girl, sometimes she was sickened that she had ever been that weak.

like every woman on her own, ingrid had to learn to be self-reliant. it helped, growing into adulthood, losing that older man to someone else. her relationship with theo ended over a childish reason—then again, that’s what happens when you date a child, wouldn’t he think?—and it had hurt very much at the time, but it had been a blessing. she had relied on him for everything: his protection, her self-esteem, her housing and then his after the sergeant home fell to a horde and raiders. it forced her to grow up, as if living in an apocalypse wasn’t enough. a lot of it had been bravado, at least at first. truthfully, ingrid had been tired of everyone assuming she couldn’t hack it on her own, that she was useless. she was underestimated by nearly every other survivor she came across, and for a long time, she had understood that. she had believed herself to be less than everyone else. if she wanted perception of herself to change, she had to change herself. fake it to make it, or whatever.

so ingrid worked hard. she pretended she was colder than she was, stronger than she was, slyer than she was, until she was naturally those things. ingrid used to hate being greeted with a knife to her throat, but now she was the one holding the knife. now she was the one that looked down on others, eyed them cautiously, never trusted them farther than she could throw them (which, granted, was never very far). it had been a hard process, becoming the survivor she used to be envious of, but now she had trouble remembering what it had been like at the beginning. 

even ten years later, the undead were still a threat, but humans were far more dangerous. evil didn’t have to wait until sundown, but it did make it bolder. ingrid had spent more of her life in wyoming than she had in any other place, so she knew the mental map of cheyenne better than if she had a paper one in her hands. that was her advantage. her disadvantage? the arrowhead in the back of her calf. limping greatly, ingrid tried to push through the pain, tried to keep her labored breathing quiet as she could. surprisingly, she was able to hear the crunch of forest floor over said breathing and the pounding of her heart, having presence of mind to suddenly dart behind a tree. listening quietly, ingrid tried to conspicuously look behind her, only to see jean-clad shins and the black rubber soles of doc martens. fuck! 

[transladystrong]

The ten apologies I should have gotten that I never did. (+One that I actually did receive)

From my mask self to my closeted trans inner self

- lovingly accepted <3

Dearest Kana,

I’m sorry I won’t meet you for nearly 30 years. Thank you for the way you clung to life with an absolute ferocity and hunger that whole time. I’m sorry I feared that ferocity and hid from it. The first time I ever considered your existence at age 26- the first time I invite you inside- I will find your presence terrifying.

All those years locked out of the house will leave you dripping with cold mud, nonetheless the first time you reach out to touch my face will be the first softness that has touched my skin since I was a child. Your voice after so many years of silence will be a grudge’s whisper, but I know now you were telling me that you loved me. Telling me to keep going. Telling me I am good.

I’m sorry that as a teen, I used my assault to push you even further into the closet. I’m sorry that the closest I could get to you in high school was a toxic homoerotic relationship.

After my divorce, you will tell me I can trust you, and it will be the first time I ever trusted my own inner voice. I’m sorry that I fought your arrival for so long. I was so afraid of what it would mean for me. The truth is that I wouldn’t know peace until after you arrived. The truth is that you coming here meant that I would have to die, admit that I was never really alive. I promise I will continue to make this apology to you every day from the other side.

Thank you for how much of your goodness still made it into the light of day. Thank you for never letting your loneliness and isolation change you. Thank you for your appetite for life. Thank you for your big joy and bigger beauty. Thank you for your art. Thank you for believing my invitation was honest, that the place I had prepared for you here was safe.

I love you so very much,

Kana

From my mom [REJECTED]

Dear Kana,

I’m sorry that in my memories you will always be my little boy. I’m sorry that I never really saw you as the child you were. I’m sorry that I was a Catholic cop for your whole childhood. I’m sorry that I taught you secrecy and shame. I’m sorry that I would choose myself and my dysfunction in so many ways throughout your most vulnerable years. I’m sorry that I taught you love, safety, and acceptance were contingent on how I was feeling.

I’m sorry for the way you learned to care for others as a protective practice, for the way that I co-opted your loving and caring nature for such a base behavior. I’m sorry that in your adulthood I habitually make the suffering of growing up as a closeted trans girl about my shortcomings as a parent. I realize this prevents you from talking about your experiences as a child, but I won’t stop myself from centering myself in your story.

I’m sorry that you learned my dysfunctional form of friendship with so many closeted gay women. I’m sorry I modeled toxic relationships with zero boundaries. (Nan, Brennan, Kim, Kristine, just to name a few)

I’m sorry that I could easily make this apology in person but I never will.

Love,

Mom

From my ex wife [REJECTED]

Dear Kana,

I really needed you to be this very specific archetype of person, and you’re not, and now I have to figure out what to do with that. Including maybe if it’s healthy for me to need someone to play such a restricted role.

Either way I’m very confused and grieving who I thought you were, and the role I thought you played in my life. And I’m angry at you for taking those things away from me.

I think having a super straight man who only had intimacy with me was how I convinced myself I am worthy and living a good life. I need to do a whole lot of digging and re-evaluation, and it may mean we have to separate. But I hope you are blessed to fully realize who you are too, and thank you for being honest with me, and sorry that I can’t be close to you anymore because I feel overwhelmed with the confusing things this experience is making me feel.

I’m sorry I can’t be intimate with you any more for all of these reasons that are outside of your control. They feel like they are outside of my control too.

Ex wife

From my father [REJECTED]

Kana,

I’m sorry that I’m not around, even though I’m right here. I’m sorry for the secrecy and shame that I brought into our family. I’m sorry I can’t manage my freaking finances. I’m sorry that I’m so scared of my emotions. I’m sorry that I’m basically a five year old inside my head. I’m sorry that I allowed your mom to work herself into an early grave to support my dysfunctional self.

I’m sorry I could make these apologies in person but I never will.

-Dad

From the perpetrator of my sexual assault [REJECTED]

Dear Kana,

I didn’t know what I was doing. I’m sorry for the pattern of emptiness and sexual pain that I am going to create in your life.

A few years after the week I spent at your house when you were sixteen, I will be diagnosed with BPD. I hope this knowledge explains what I thought was doing, even if it doesn’t justify a thing.

I’m sorry I told your sister. I’m sorry I couldn’t even keep your secret shame, and that I torched your familial relationships along with your sense of self worth.

I’m sorry that I treated you like a man instead of the beautiful woman you were pretending not to be. I’m sorry for the sickening confirmation that gave to your inner child of what was true and what wasn’t.

I’m sorry you won’t realize that you were assaulted for over ten years. I’m sorry that you will still be unpacking the patterns I helped created over twelve years later.

-your assaulter

From my high school ex boyfriend [REJECTED]

To my best friend,

I’m bisexual. Growing up in a Catholic family with only brothers I could never make peace with this. That’s why I gravitated to you. I could sense you had a similar shame, and I was captivated by you too.

You were so beautiful, and I loved spending my time with you. I loved connecting with you. That’s why I adopted your hobbies, why I was always giving you rides home, driving out in the country with you, why we went running every morning for two years, why I got a longboard.

It’s also why I would occasionally beat you senseless. I’m sorry I did that. Those moments of breathless exhaustion when we were laying on top of each other too tired to move- that’s the closest I ever got to the romance I was craving. It’s why I would encourage you to self harm with me over the phone. I’m sorry I did that too. It felt good to me that somebody could hate themselves in the same language I hated myself with too.

I’m sorry I dated a girl and kept you on the side, and I’m sorry that that girl was your best friend.

I hope you know that I did love you in my own broken way. Thank you for all the sweetness and joy you brought into my life. Thank you for making me feel less alone.

-High school ex

From my ex best friend [REJECTED]

Dear Kana,

I’m sorry that I’m a coward. I’m sorry that I ghosted you after you came out as trans. I’m just so scared of women.

You were there for me during my idiotic dream of becoming a Navy SEAL. You were there during my unmoored twenties; you helped me move into that ratty van. I was the best man at your wedding. I was with you every day for two months after your divorce, and I didn’t take the vulnerability of that seriously at all.

The first time I dumped you was for a new job. I’m sorry that you always came in second place to whatever other thing was going on in my life.

The second time I dumped you was after your divorce was finalized. I’m sorry I was so triggered by my own divorce trauma that I withdrew from you then.

The last time I dumped you was after you realized you were a woman. This time it will stick. I’m sorry I’m so scared of women that I couldn’t see that you were the same person I’d known for ten years.

Hope you’re well,

Best friend

From my childhood best friend [REJECTED]

Kana,

I’ll never be able to do better than this with you. I’m dead inside. I’m deeply bitter. I’m absolutely terrified of emotions of any kind.

I’m sorry that the door will always be closed to you. I’m sorry that I’m afraid of who and what you are.

I’m sorry that the closest I will ever get to a heart to heart with you happened when we were sixteen, and that it had to do with some random BS fight we had over a girl.

-childhood best friend

From my first boss [REJECTED]

Hi Kana,

What can I really say? I’m a user. I’m an alcoholic. I’m a brilliant scientist, and I will use it my entire life to justify my dysfunction. I am sorry though.

I’m sorry I will take advantage of your low self worth to extract labor from you. I’m sorry that I will leave you at the end of your career with me with absolutely nothing to show for it. I’m sorry I discriminated against you for being a parent. I’m sorry I consistently sided against you at every opportunity. I’m sorry that I dangled promotion in front of you while continuing to pay you beneath the poverty line. I’m sorry that I gaslit you into believing that you were a failure and a fraud.

My life will stay in the same dead end rut I’m now until I eventually die with a scarred liver.

Wish you the best,

First boss

From Catholicism [REJECTED, TWICE]

Kana,

Where do I even start? I’m sorry I forced you into a closet so deep and dark that it looked like hell to you. I’m sorry I taught you that the person you are was mental illness. I’m sorry I criminalized your sexuality, even in solitude. I’m sorry for the shroud of secrecy and shame I cast over your whole family.

I’m sorry that the twisted image of a dead man on a cross will hang in the center of your mind for decades, whispering evil lies to you. I’m sorry for the crosses you will carve into your own body on shoulder, chest, wrists, and thighs. I’m sorry I taught you that bloodletting might sanctify you. I’m sorry I taught you that suffering could justify sinfulness, and I’m sorry I taught you that you were sinful. I’m sorry I taught you the notion of sin.

I’m sorry that my charismatic mouthpieces would speak into your life that your self recrimination is true. I’m hurting them too. I’m sorry that I will use you as a mouthpiece to hurt and manipulate others too. I’m sorry that your childhood was filled with my authority, that you were raised by Catholic cops who threw the whole book at you- over, and over again.

I’m sorry that when you wanted to die, I told you that wasn’t okay and to never say it again. I never asked how you were doing again, did I?

I’m sorry that I will co-opt your love of ritual, your love of the profound. I’m sorry that I will steal your trust in your inner voice and use it to strengthen my hold over you. I’m sorry that I will encourage you to humiliate yourself in front of crowds of people countless times in your teen years.

I’m sorry that I will ultimately waste years of your life, that I will stop you from connecting with countless wonderful people, that I will preoccupy your mind with sanctity and goodness, that I will prevent you from truly knowing what is True, and Good, and Beautiful.

I’m sorry I’m still out here doing all of these things to new vulnerable children, new families, a whole new generation.

Regards,

The freaking church

Top 10 Apologies You Needed The Most and Never Got

[intimacyissues]

April 6, 2023

I've been seeing this and that about this year feeling like or being a cycle of 2016/2017

and so many things have been coming back up for me from that time

raves/house of yes nights

my gauges are back

boys boys boys

i've been wanting to have a threesome again

and that was my era of being a unicorn

I've been thinking back to that time and be mindful of growth and of lessons and so i can do better

or at least take from what i learned in past experiences to further better future ones

i made some small links but i think they are a stretch honestly

i thought the vici brothers were like the bushwick boys - in reality that wasn't even close to the same except maybe the way Vic was being weird like Blake that one night he just left?

i thought Que could be like the shithead Philip, but Que is just not as bad bc Philip, well he was treating me poorly as an effort to get me to be mean to him

and the funniest is thinking Josh and Cole were even potentially in the same realm - Cole is handsome, smart, and tall (+ has a huge nice cock) Josh was short in many areas but ate pussy like he was starving.

either which way maybe it's not about one for one experiences but more so how i handle them this time

those we two huge years for me. i got dumped by my first adult boyfriend.. i graduated college, i got my first job. years that shaped me.

it's so funny seeing some of the post where some problems definitely still exist (feeling good enough/wanting to be home with my family/hating not being fought for) and how many huge things have changed for the better

this is specific for 2016 bc 2017 is a lot of rob and it's late and i'm tired and i still have to write about this weekend but to start.. the biggest one

I want to die. less. There are still days i where everything feels heavy and nearly impossible but the overall i'd be better dead? has faded significantly. meeting D has also shown me how completely unrealistic the fantasy of my family being okay if i did is..

i found a post saying i didn't want kids bc they age you and spend all your money, and while, yes, i still agree and i def did. i can't imagine a life where i don't get to be a mother..

there's something about wanting to be with someone i can get blackout drunk with? and for the life of me i can't seem to figure out the reason why i wrote it.. i think it must've been about Lee but nonetheless - i'm a tank and i have someone who let's me cuss them out for absolutely no reason and will still come spend the night after. regardless of where out love is or will be next time i read this. it's been an incredible blessing to have the relationship we have.

lastly, i wrote about how all i wanted was to be in a place at my ten year reunion where i didn't care what people thought of me and baby. i made it. i still care about what some people think of me obviously butttt those people? who i couldn't care less about? no thank you.

and i'm so incredibly impressed with how far i've come though sometimes it feels like i'm still 14 crying my eyes out in the dark. and though not everything is better or even different, so much is.

anywho let's get into this weekend and last because - so many feelings.

last weekend was the first weekend where i didn't have to travel or wasn't sick or didn't already have a plan. it was all spontaneous.

friday i was planning to hang with lexi but they were too hungover (or at least she was?) and didn't end up going out but luckily sylina texted saying she was doing bottomless margs and i figured what's the harm in a couple drinks.

which are famous last words.

i ended up with them the rest of the night jumping from bar to bar doing shots. we went just about everywhere started at the resturant, then bar 404 (the lesbian bar), canopy, federales and then mile high spirits? which in the end was a fun and enlightening night because i realized two things. I am an unreasonable brat when drunk and my first instinct is to give everyone the cold shoulder when they approach me (i.e. Tyler - who was a cute sweetie that meant no harm lol) - the brat was me in Trents' car asking D to pick me up even though i had my own car AND he send uber money and saying fuck you when he said no

saturday night i went on a date with Daryl in FOCO which was a fine date he was such a gentleman but there were so many red flags.. being insistent on opening the car door (tot the point where when i tried to get he jokingly threatened to beat me, his cuddling my chest in the car, and the story about this ex trying to leave without telling him in fear of his reaction) and then i came home and got ready to go out with lexi.

the original plan was lime but with a super long line + 45 dollar cover we wound up at view house. so so many faces this night, shedding the addittude + Giselle's friendly convos i ended up talking to a couple men. one was the tallest guy in the room, but he was for everyone, and come to find out he had a million kids. two, Charles, who was respectable while there but went completely ghost the next day. then Deon who was nice then unfollowed me and removed me as a follower (without a word??) and the cute one who never goes out that got away with the weird friend (luka look a like) who's IG was doing all kids of crazy the next couple days?

sunday thankfully was chill that weekend, just spending time with Sylina on the first warm spring day of the year.

spent everynight with D that weekend.

through the week as less eventful but still I managed to tell Daryl i didn't want anything serious and Cole the truth why i'd been avoiding him

this weekend started on thursday bc Sylina had a friend Erika in town, and of course me not being able to say no and wanting to go out on opening day agreed. and I ended up asking Nore/Vic to meet us and he got out and was a total dick. (after showing up hours after we planed) but this is the night i connect with sweet Jose.

Then friday is the concert which is so so fun. Ican't wait for more hopefully they go smoother and an ex hookup who ghosted me/sexually harassed a friend i didn't even know doeesn't show up

Saturday is slow and i end up spiraling and i reach out to Corey, who doesn't answer and Jose who says yes but has to go out bc he promised his brother, and ends up here att 5am

then there's my sunday where I get blown off by my parents who are in tampa leaving me the day to myself which ends in me agreeing to pick up D and a quick meet with Cole.

Cole is more amazing than i was expecting in every single way.

Jose is someone who i can tell has a kind heart but for someone who says he wants to stay in and just chill ended up at the strip club with his brother and stayed out til 5 and is now drinking again.

i'm not entirely sure how i'll proceed with him buuuuut we will see. esp. cause he's still a horrrible texter

Cole i would like to keep around bc i think we could also be friends but we will seeeeee

[todisturbtheuniverse]

my husband just admitted to me that he doesn't like pears

all these ripe ripe good fruits are for me, then

[tangent101]

Jefferson has killed before. Multiple times. And it has been covered up, and has been for a while. Look at what the Arcadia Bay Police Department has to say about Rachel's disappearance. Ignore BtS. Rachel is not the daughter of a district attorney (even a former one) because if that were the case the cops would be actively looking for her even if it was "assumed" to be a runaway situation. And if there was an ongoing thing of women going missing and Rachel Amber, daughter of the District Attorney (or former DA) vanished? Oh, that would make such headlines.

So... Rachel is just a girl. It is quite likely her parents were homophobic and that is why, in the William Lives timeline, her parents are still looking for Rachel but in the regular timeline, they just wrote her off. And the cops, who admit to being on the take, just ignore this situation and hide it.

Look at how Jefferson manipulates Kate. It was his words that pushed her to the roof and then off via the short and quick way. How many of his victims committed suicide and were written off? How many vanished and were "assumed" to have run off, unable to cope? Look at how easily Jefferson fired his gun at Chloe, in the dark, and hit her in the head... and how he did not look at all horrified by what he had done. (Trust me. There are trained soldiers who freak out when they kill their first enemy combatant, and these are people who were trying to kill that soldier!)

Chloe was not his first shooting victim and if you sacrifice Chloe he's not going to stop. (In LiS2, in the Kill Chloe setting, Nathan is possibly getting out of jail on appeal after just three years. There is no way in the world Nathan would be winning on appeal if the Dark Room was discovered, which means Jefferson's crimes were covered up to protect Nathan.

Now, going to Chloe and Rachel and if it's cheating? I see a lot of people saying "it's not cheating because Frank was a sicko who went after a 17-year-old girl" and yes, what Frank did was not kosher... but you are saying that Rachel's actions were not cheating despite the fact Rachel was an active part in that relationship.

There is one person who we have to rely on as to if this was cheating or not. And that is Chloe Price. And you know how she reacted to learning about Rachel and Frank? She was furious, pissed off, and felt betrayed by Rachel. In Chloe's eyes, Rachel cheated on her.

Thus Rachel cheated on Chloe.

Once again, I need to state: just because Rachel cheated on Chloe does not mean she deserved what happened to her. Just because someone does something hurtful does not handwave what happens to them. So stop trying to handwave away her actions and her responsibility for those actions.

If Rachel were alive and well and had started ignoring Chloe and the events in LiS were Max helping Chloe find out just what happened with Rachel and why Rachel was no longer talking to Chloe only to find out that Rachel had been sleeping around while in a relationship with Chloe and out of guilt just cut things off with Chloe? Would you think that Rachel wasn't responsible for hurting Chloe's feelings or that she didn't cheat on Chloe just because she had a thing for older men?!? No. It doesn't work that way.

Frank was wrong for pursuing a relationship with a teenage girl nearly ten years his junior. Rachel was wrong for entering into a relationship with another person without being honest to Chloe that she either wanted to date multiple people or that she was ending it with Chloe and that she still wanted to be friends... but wasn't interested in it being romantic with Chloe. Rachel cheated.