#the things i can do when i have an essay due in 24 hours

[gensjunia]

moments between moments

[chanswhxre]

A Very Good Boy [Kinktober '24]

✩ kinktober masterlist ✩ requests ✩ kofi ✩ ao3

♡ Pairing : han jisung x afab! reader

♡ Genre : smut, edging and denial

♡ Word count : 1.4k words

♡ Warnings : 18+ nsfw, explicit sexual content, a little subby han, piv, oral sex. I will not put any more specific warnings to avoid spoiling the story. Read at your own risk!

❗️ minors, ageless, and blank blogs that will interact with me or my work will be BLOCKED.

"Fuck. Jagi, I need you..please." Jisung sighed as he held on to your waist under your shirt like his life depended on it.

"We can't, babe. Minho and the others are outside, and you have to finish your homework." You whisper in his ear.

You've been like this for the past hour in his room, straddling him on his seat in front of his desk. He was supposed to finish this essay from the online university course he was taking that is due at 11:59 pm today, and you were supposed to read a book while waiting for him to finish and cuddle with you, but things went differently when he begged you to come closer to him and sit on his lap for inspiration.

"Please, I'll be quiet." He pleaded.

"No. You have to work on that essay, Hannie, or else I’m gonna have to go outside so you can focus." You shook your head.

"No! Please stay here." He whined and then continued typing on his computer. You obliged and stayed cuddled up to him, feeling your boyfriend's warmth and also the hard-on straining in his sweatpants. He kept squirming, trying to rub on your core, which got you worked up as well. Still, you had incredible self-restraint, and he needed to finish that essay, but he's being stubborn, and he was making you horny as well, so you decided to give him a taste of his own medicine and started grinding on him, which caused him to curse under his breath.

"Fuck. Baby.." he moaned and gripped your hips tightly, helping you grind.

"Sshh..if you want me to stay like this, you have to keep quiet and continue working."

He nodded, but he started to get needy. The two of you hadn't fucked in as long as you could remember because he had been swamped with new album promotions for the past few weeks; hence it was understandable that he craved you; he needed to feel you, to connect with you, both emotionally and sexually but he had to finish his essay first because, as important as this was, he had a deadline.

He takes a whiff of you as if he were going rabid, his hot breath tickling you as he places sloppy kisses all over your neck and his hands roaming around your body and then playing with your clothed nipples while you hold on to his hair and you stare into each other’s eyes.

"Do you want me to suck you?"

"Yes, please!" He excitedly answered,

"You promise that you'll focus on it?"

"Yes! I promise, I just need to feel that pretty mouth, baby."

You could feel your wetness pool in your panties as you went under his desk and pulled his already angry, hard, and leaking cock out. You gave him kitten licks until you started to suck him off. He continued typing as you gave him a blowjob under his desk.

"Jagi...I need you to..please." He tried to say it as quietly as possible, slightly bucking his hips forward when you swallowed his aching cock whole, which made him gasp in pleasure. He covered his mouth to muffle the sounds he was making as you sucked and swirled your tongue around him. He was being such a good boy being all quiet like you said and religiously doing his essay, but not good enough to cum just yet.

"Jagi, it's so good." he moaned. You quickened your pace, and you knew he was almost reaching his climax when you popped his throbbing cock out of your mouth.

"Uh-uh." You tutted, stopping your actions.

"What? Please, just a little more. I'm almost," he whined, trying to convince you to keep going, but you didn't listen. He didn't listen to you in the first place, so why should you?

You climbed back on his lap, his eyes looking at you with desire and excitement, thinking that you didn't let him cum in your mouth because you wanted him to cum inside your warm, sweet, wet pussy. but little did he know that you were just going to cockwarm him until he finishes the essay.

You slowly sank down, taking him in bit by bit; it was so slow that he was having trouble restraining himself from pushing into you. He was horny and frustrated but still held back so he wouldn’t get punished.

"Shit, jagi. You feel so warm." He exhaled when he was fully inside you.

"Now, be a good boy and finish that essay so you can finish inside me, okay?"

“But I can’t. Please, babe, make me cum, and I promise to focus on this, please.” He begged and buried his face on your neck.

“Why should I listen to you? You didn’t listen to me earlier and within the past few days, " you said, reminding him of the numerous times you asked him to finish what he’d been writing since a few days ago so you could spend time together today. But he didn’t listen, so this is what he’s getting right now. He felt defeated and with a raging boner inside you. Still, he'll take what he can get and decided on all his might to focuss on finishing the last bit of the essay while you were cockwarming him, that is, until you started getting very impatient and horny so you started teasing him by clenching on his cock and letting out small moans. He could not endure it further, at which point he began to thrust into you gently and deeply. His breath was shaky, sweat dripping from his forehead, making his hair stick to his face despite the AC on full blast.

“Ji, baby.” You warned with a stern voice.

“Please, babe, I want to cum. I need to cum.” He pleaded as he bit into your shoulder while thrusting into you.

You wanted to give in, but he wouldn’t learn if you let him have his way. You grinded on his cock, rubbing your clit deliciously on his lower abdomen.

“Shit, you’re so tight.” He bit on his lip, trying to suppress his moans.

He was thrusting a bit faster, trying to reach his climax but you clenched snd stopped to edge him, then continued to build him up again until his breaths became shallow, a telltale sign that he was close, and then you stopped again, reminding him to finish the goddamn essay. At this point, he was a little angry and frustrated from all the edging and denial that he couldn’t keep quiet; he gripped onto your hips and started to thrust into you, chasing his orgasm, so you squeezed his cheeks together tightly.

“No cumming jagi or else.” You sternly said.

He stopped just when he was about to reach the point of no return and bit his lip; he was already drooling from being so turned on. His eyes were dilated with tears brimming in his eyes, and his dick was twitching inside you from the constant edging and denial, and you knew from his face that he couldn’t possibly write his essay well in his current state. He was out of it.

“B-babe, please. I want it. I know you want it too, please. I’ll be a very good boy after this.” He pleaded, and you sighed.

“Fine. Since you asked so nicely, my baby boy.” You said and kissed him. His cock twitched again; he was so excited that you finally gave in, and the kiss just excited him even more. He thrusted into you with newfound vigor, hard and fast, not caring for the slapping sounds you made but still suppressing your moans. Heavy breaths and small moans and profanities spilled from your mouths as Jisung carried you to his bed and continued fucking you there. It wasn’t long until his thrusts were getting sloppy, and he came almost instantly inside you. Strings of warm cum coated your walls, his dick pulsating as he released inside of you. Finally, the sweet release he was begging for.

When he came down from his high, he started to go down on you before you could say anything. He deliciously licked his cum as it was dripping out of you, then proceeded on lapping and sucking your swollen clit until you felt your cunt tighten, then contract as you experienced the most explosive orgasm you have ever had which made your eyes roll to the back of your head.

You lay limp on his bed, breathless, as he grabbed a towel to wipe his mouth and your pussy before he laid beside you. He kissed you on the forehead before flashing you a dumb smile.

“You think they heard outside?” You asked.

“Who cares.” The both of you laughed softly.

“So, you promised, right?” You said, reminding him of his essay.

“I am a good boy, you know. I’ll do whatever you say.”

“A very good boy, indeed.” You smiled.

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© 2024 Chanswhxre

[mysicklove]

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑, 𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐊 𝐀𝐓 𝐌𝐄!

Pairing: Sub! Bottom! Bachira x Dom! Gn! Reader

Word Count: 3.7k

Warnings: Anal play, dildos, slight manipulation, reader is Gn but is implied to not have a penis, pet play, master/kitty kink, crying/begging

A/N: THIS IS A REPOST. my other got flagged super early on so I'm just testing to see if it will again. andddd dont be like Y/N kids, sex can come later, stay in school!!! focus on your studies!!!

Bachira has you wrapped around his pretty finger. 

The both of you know it, and he seems to love how easily he gets what he wants. He knew exactly how you reacted to a smile, or how you would coddle him when tears flooded his eyes.

You didn't mind listening to him, he was adorable and always so sweet to you. But he is so incredibly needy. Its like he wants your attention to be on him 24/7. Its cute having him cling to you when you have free time, but when you are busy it gets rough.

It's not like he is a brat. He listens well, and would never dare to talk back to you. He just seems to have too much love to give. Wants more and more, and its always so hard to decline when he looks so adorable.

But tonight, you needed to work on your essay. It was due at 11:59, and you've barely touched it. You needed just a couple more hours, and then you should be good for the night. Then, you are free for the rest of week to relax. 

“Meow…” A familiar high pitched voice chirps from behind you. He runs his hands down your chest, and places his head on your shoulder. He's wearing black fingless gloves with pink pawprints on them.

You know what he wants, from the way he drags his fingers along your body, to the way his voice seems to hold a slight purr. “Not now, Meguru. Can you wait till tomorrow?” You respond, eyes not leaving the screen, even if his hands get dangerously close to your crotch. 

If you show that you are affected by him, you are done for. Somehow one way or another he will be getting fucked tonight.

You don't have time today. The two of you had sex the last three days, and you know he isnt pent up. He just always seems to crave more. He was a spoiled thing. 

“Want you to fuck me,” he purrs into your ear, giggling lightly into your neck as if he was bashful about the lewd statement. As if he hasn't said way more dirty things the last couple of nights. He always was a talker. 

“I know, I know. I gotta finish this, love. Maybe later if i'm not too tired.” You reach up and rub the back of his hair, sighing when you feel the kitten eared headband. You had to restrain yourself from checking if he was wearing lingerie too. 

He must have knew you were busy, if he brought out the outfit. Probably thinking to himself, something along the lines of, desperate times calls for desperate measures.

He whines, high pitched and needy. “Pretty please? We can go quickly! Promise!”

You sigh when you feel him pawing at the buttons of your pants. You grab his wrists, before he can manage to undo them, which causes another whine to tear through his lips. “It's never quick with you,” You remind, and he grins. He would go the entire night if you allowed him too.

He laughs before placing a kiss to your neck. Two now, and he's suckling, most likely trying to leave a hickey. You grip his hair and pull him away. You didn't need to go in public with one on your neck. “Cause you're so good at it. Make me feel so good, I don't want to ever stop. Cmon, lets do it….I can give you head if you want!”

You roll your eyes with a grin. “How tempting...”

His hands try to escape your grasp, eyes already widen at the idea. “Mhmm! Let you ride my f–”

You don't let them free, pinning them to your stomach. “If I didn't have to finish this.”

His head collapses on your shoulder and he lets out another dramatic whine. Then, he menevours himself from behind you, to on your lap. You raise your eyebrows at his attire. You were right, black lacey lingerie with hints of light pink. He is even wearing a black leather collar a pink ribbon on the front.

He grins at you when you take in his appearance and successfully tears his hands away from you. He grabs your wrist, and gently lays your hand on his clothed cock. You have to force yourself to look away at the lewd sight, you are trying your hardest to not fuck him tonight.. 

“Look! Cmon please look,” He begs, and you have to take a glance. Just a peak, for your sanity. 

Resting in the black panties was his hard on, seeming to be leaking through the cloth. He kisses your neck again. “For you. All dressed up for you too. Do you want me to meow for you?”

The idea seems to make your head spin. Imaging on all fours while you pound into him. Would he moan, or would he really meow? 

Then he grabs your other hand and places it on his hole, now plugged with a cat tail. His eyes bore into yours, and he's grinning, cheeks flushed. “Prepped too. You don't gotta worry bout it. I'm all ready for you. Please Master?” 

You gulp when he begins to rock his hips into your hand. It sounds so appeasing to you. Maybe the two of you could get a round in…See his eyes roll back, and his mouth hang open. He always did have the prettiest face when he was lost in pleasure.

The computer screen darkens from the lack of use and your eyes flicker to it. Your assignment was more important. You could fuck all the time after you completed it. “Meguru,” You sigh, using your free hand to move the mouse so the computer does not fall asleep.

He continues to grind his clothed cock into your hand, letting out small whimpers. “Kitty~” He corrects, a small smile on his now pink face.

An idea pops into your head and you grin, maybe a bit maliciously. His eyes lighten up in return when he thinks you have agreed, and immediately presses his lips to yours. You let him for awhile, even going as far to help him grind on your hand.

When you pull away, his eyes are already half-lidded, and he seems to be almost buzzing in excitement. It almost makes you feel bad, but alas, this was important.. “’’m gonna grab the strap,” he murmurs, and quickly jumps off your lap. You watch the black tail swish at the movement.

But before he leaves you grab his wrist, and he turns to you, confused. “I'm going to pick what you will use,” You say smoothly, standing up from the chair and heading toward the bedroom. 

His eyes lighten at this, shivering in excitement at the prospect of you choosing the largest one. Though, the idea of him not playing soccer tomorrow because of him being sore does not sound to appealing. But alas, he follows along with a hop in a step.“Of course, Master!”

You take a deep breathe when you hear him continue the title, but you try to ignore the words. You grab the toybox, and Bachira is clinging to you, looking over your shoulder in excitement. “The big red one! No wait, what about the vibrating one? You know how it leaves my legs shaking. Oh choose, please choose one!”

You ignore the rambling in your ear and continue your searching. When you finally grab it, Bachira hums in question, “The suction one? Where will we do it then? Oh don't tell me you want me to ride it on your desk, you pervert Master!” He says, lightly hitting your shoulder, but almost drooling at the idea.

You ignore him again, and shut the box. He is gripping onto your arm, rubbing his cheek on your body from excitement.

When you walk out to the office he runs over to desk and bends over, his tail on display. “Take it out,” He purrs, shaking his ass in front of you, causing you to raise you eyebrows. “Want your cock now, please?” 

You sigh and walk over to him. He presses his hips into your crotch and by now, you're not even suprised by the display. He always was like this, gave no shame on what we wanted. 

You grab at his waist, and gently run your fingers over the flesh. He hums, and continues to press back into you. You reach down and slowly pull out the plug, and he keens. His cheek is pressed up to the desk and he is groaning into wood at the stretch.

“There is goes. Good job,” You praise, not being able to help yourself. The plug was larger than expected, and it made it much harder for you to really focus on your work. He seems to feel the strain too, his hands gripping onto the mouse with a small whimper when the thickest part meets his ring.

When it finally is out, he sighs, “Where do ya want me?” before turning to you with a cat like grin. 

You trace his jaw, and he leans into the touch. “Stay there for a second,” You whisper, and gently use your fingers to turn his head away. He nods immediately and buries his face into his arms, excited for what you have planned for him.

You glance at him, nearly bouncing in excitement, and then your half finished essay. Then, you sigh, and grab the suction dildo, and stick it to the floor next to your chair. It was a couple feet away so he can have room. With this, he can have his fun, and you can finish your essay.

But of course you should have known it wouldn't have worked. He craved attention and you were way too easily convinced.

When he turns around his smile falls immediately. “What's that?” He says, pointing to the dildo on the floor. He reaches for your hand for comfort, but you've already turned away.

You sit back on you chair, and turn your computer back on. “Knock yourself out. I need to finish this, but don't want you to get frustrated.”

He shakes his head at first, eyes switching back and forth from you and the floor. The two black knee pads placed next to it, lets him know immediately what you have planned for him. Him and him alone.

In one last attempt, he drops to his knees in front of you, and you raise your eyebrows. He places himself in between your legs and rests his head on your inner thigh. Then, he grabs your hand and places it on his head, pleading for you to pet him. “Please don't be mean, Master! I dressed up for you. I-I wanna be your kitty.”

Your eyes barely flicker to him, and he rubs his face on your thigh to hopefully get more attention. He whines when you don't react, loud and dramatic. “Meguru, I love you, but I need to finish this. Your toy is right there.” Your voice is flat, and your hand doesn't move.

“B-But I–Please?”

You grip at his hair, sending his head backward with a wince. His neck is exposed to you, and he looks up at you with half closed eyes. “You will either fuck the toy or nothing at all.”

The two of you stare at one another for a long second, before he seems to cave in on himself from the harshness of the glare. “Okay…” He half whimpers, hoping to pull some guilt out of you. 

When you don't say anything in response, he pouts and crawls over toward the dildo. It was simple, black and not too big. But you werent the one fucking him, so it wouldnt feel as good. He puts on the kneepads so that they don't get bruised from the hardwood floor.

He glances back to you. “I'm going to fuck it now.”

“Mhm’kay”

He clentches his fists and glares at the back of your neck, but positions the silicon cock in between his legs. He looks at his paw print gloves and has to bite back another whine, thinking about how this should have gone.

But, he grabs the dildo, and positions it up to his hole, and slowly begins to sink down on it. A quivered breath escapes his lips, as he tries to grip at the ground in front of him to no avail. It was harder to do by himself, usually you have to guide him through it. 

“Help?” He pleads, loud and whiny.

You don't even look at him. “You've taken something bigger than that. You're being whiny Meguru.”

Kitty. He was supposed to be your pretty kitty for the night. How did he end up on the floor, fucking a toy with no help. And why are you being so mean?

He bottoms out after a couple more seconds, and he gasps, leaning forward to brace himself on his fore arms. He shivers, and he can't help the small smile pulls at his lips, while his eyes slightly roll back. “It's in.”

You can't help but wonder, his gasps behind you are intriguing you. He usually was collapsing on to you when you stretch him out, in all honesty him doing this by himself was impressive. “Whole thing?”

“Mhmm” He starts rolling his hips, his cock beginning to leak at the needed intrusion. The second be bottomed out, he felt like some sort of rational part of him was put to rest. Now, he can simply focus on losing himself on the toy. 

“Good job, kitty.” He preens at the praise, and he focuses his gaze on you, hoping you've turned around by now. His smile drops when he hears the clicking of the keyboard and the back of your head.

It was upsetting him, and he could feel the pain in the chest from the lack of your attention. He was doing this all for you, why can't you just look at him? He ignores the tears starting to form in frustration.

Instead, he moves his hips, slightly pushing himself upward and then back down. A soft moan escapes him and his cock twitches. 

This time, he uses the his knees to push himself to the tip of the toy, and uses his entire weight to sit back down completely on it. His fingers curl and his back arches, while his mouth seems to hang open at the force. 

You hear a loud slapping sound, followed by a high pitched moan, way louder than before.The finger on your mouse pauses at the sound, and when he recollects himself, his eyes seem to focus in on the singular finger.

 In an instant, he knows exactly on how to get your attention again.

He resettles himself on the floor, and changes position. He begins to pick up the pace, rolling his hips desperately, causing his dick to slap upon his stomach. “F-Fuck master!”

Your heart hammers in your chest and you try to keep your focus on the screen. You gulp when you hear the moans get higher in pitched, and try to ignore the slapping sound of skin on skin.

He goes back to bouncing on the silicon cock, and uses one hand to reach forward to stroke his cock. His face is already flushed from the movements, and his eyes are half lidded, but all he does is stare at the back of your neck. “My cock…Feels good!”

Your eyes snap to his in an instant, and he seems to light up at the new found attention. Unexpected, but not unwelcomed. “I didn't say you could touch yourself, Meguru.”

He laughs in between pants, slightly shivering under your gaze. “C-Can't help it. Need it. S’good.”  

Even at the warning, his hand doesnt seem to stop its motions, sliding up and down the shaft, while he continues to jump on the toy. Tears begin to brim at his eyes, and his mouth seems to hang open with time. The moans have grown less dramatized for attention, but still are loud as they usually are. He was truly losing himself on the toy.

You just sigh, and turn back around. You are given him what we wants by getting upset at him. And it may go by quicker if he touched himself, then you can focus with no interruptions.

When he sees you turn back around again, he tumbles forward toward you. Tears begin to fall down his cheek, and the dildo slips out from the movement. He was so close. You were so close to helping him. He needed your help.

He murmurs a whiny curse under his breathe, and turns back toward it. His brain is fuzzy, and the only thing he seems to want in this very moment was to cum, from you. 

He pouts, and whimpers, but he sits back on it, and his eyes roll back with a sigh. And just like before he begins grinding on the toy, but this time he isn't moaning, it's full on whines and whimpers. “Please. Please help. Im trying to be good. Please, I can't without you.”

He bites his lip so it doesnt tremble, and he watches the precum drip out of his cock and onto the floor. His dick looks so useless in this moment, it was almost humiliating. He wishes you were looking at him, to tease him for how leaky he was. To praise him for how good he was doing.

With every bounce he whimpers your name. 

“Meguru,” You sigh, “You're so needy.” 

He hears the chair squeak, and you stand up. Tears stream down his face, but he's smiling as you walk over to him. He slows his movements when you crouch down in front of him. The two of you are now on eye level and he stares at you with glazed eyes and shaky legs.

You run your fingers down his jaw, and to his lips, gently telling him to release the poor bitten pink flesh. “What am I going to do with you, kitty?”

He sobs at the condescending words and collapses into you, the toy still lodged between his legs. “Fuck me. Fuck me, please. Wanna–I want it!” He says, buring his flushed face into your neck.

You pull him back again by his hair, similar to earlier, and you swear you heard a moan. “No. You can cum from that. I know you can. I'll be here to watch.”

He frowns again, obviously not liking this answer, but too fucked out to really do anything. Besides, at this point he will take anything from you.

 So, he just grabs onto shoulders and uses them as leverage for his movements.

His mouth now hangs open, and he's staring at you the entire time, while you coo and run you fingers through his hair. “Look how cute you are. Such a pretty kitty.”

Those were the words he craved, needed. He nods helplessly and giggles breathlessly , trying to put on the role he planned on even with his fucked out brain. “M-Meow!”

You grin at the sound, kissing his neck as he keens at the feeling. His legs are shaking and with everybounce you can hear the lewd slapping noise of skin upon hardwood. He's drooling ever so slightly, and he staring at you with hearts in his eyes. 

His moans begin to get higher and pitch, and his hands seem to tighten on your shoulder. You know the signs by heart now, you've seen it so many times. “Need to cum?”

“Yes! Close! I’m–Can I please?” You glance at the cute puddle on pre beginning to form beneath him and kiss his cheek.

“Sure. You can cum,” You whisper into his ear, and pulls you closer to him, wrapping his arms around the back of you neck for stability. With every breathe a high pitched moan is released, and sweet the sound turns you on immensely,

He nuzzles his tear-streaken face into your shoulder and mumbles, “For you,” on repeat and you smile in his hold. 

“Yeah kitty, cum for me.” 

“Oh fuck. Oh fuck, I cant–Im cumming!” He grips onto you tighter when he feels the wave crash over him. His whole body jerks, and he shuts his eyes adorably tight. You grin when you see his legs tremble and feet curl from under the pawprint socks. His fuming cock leaks out a coupious amount of liquid onto the floor, making the puddle even bigger now. 

He holds onto you, even after his orgasm tears through him, almost seeming to purr when you run your fingers through his hair. He nuzzles into your embrace, and slides himself off the toy. “Mhmmm. Felt good,” he mumbles into your neck.

“Good. Cmon, let's clean you up and run you a bath so that I can finish my essay.”

He begins to litter kisses up your neck, and you sigh, knowing something is about to come. “Actually I was thinking bout round two.”

You shake your head, and rub the bridge of you nose. “I've never met anyone as needy as you.”

He laughs, a little breathlessly and dazed from the after effects of the orgasm. “I'm glad. I can have you all to myself.” 

And even with his now trembling legs, he manages to pull the both of you up, and drag you toward the bedroom. He pushes you down on the bed and races toward the toy box before you could even protest.

When he comes back with the toy in his hands, he has a glint in his eyes. “I was thinking the vibrating one.”

You eye the now vibrating dildo, twice the size of the previous one. “You trying to not play soccer for a couple on days?”

He laughs, and dives onto the bed, already planning on what to say to keep you distracted from the essay.

In the end the assignment was turned in late, but you couldn't even be that mad, because your boyfriend is grinning lazily on the bed, hair messy, and legs shaking from the multiple rounds the two of you went at it.

He was such a pretty sight to behold.

[dewinthestars]

📚 Procrastination vs. Quick Deadlines: How to Turn Pressure into Productivity 💻

Let’s be real—procrastination happens to the best of us. You know that creeping feeling of doom when a deadline looms closer than expected? Here’s the thing: quick deadlines can actually work in your favor if you approach them right. Here’s how to handle procrastination like a pro:

Why Do We Procrastinate?

• Fear of failure (you don’t start because it won’t be perfect).

• Overwhelm (the task feels TOO big).

• “I work better under pressure” (but do you really?).

How to Crush It with Quick Deadlines

1️⃣ Divide and Conquer

Break your task into tiny, doable chunks.

• 1 hour left? Focus on the key points only.

• Got 24 hours? Plan for three sprints with short breaks.

2️⃣ Activate Beast Mode

Use time-blocking apps like Forest or set a timer (hello, Pomodoro method). No distractions allowed during these blocks.

3️⃣ Set Artificial Deadlines

Treat self-made deadlines like the real deal. For example:

• Essay due Friday? Act like it’s due Wednesday.

4️⃣ Eliminate Decision Paralysis

Start with the easiest part to build momentum—write the intro later. Just start.

5️⃣ Reward Yourself

Beat the clock? Treat yourself to your fave snack, a cozy Netflix binge, or even a nap (guilt-free, of course).

Remember:

Progress > Perfection. Your work doesn’t have to be flawless; it just has to exist. Deadlines are your motivation—let them push you to greatness, not panic. 💪

[20001541]

What do you think being in prison was actually like for All For One? We know he lies A LOT, so I don't think he's nearly as unaffected as he's shown or rather not shown I guess 😓

Thinking deeper on afo's imprisonment it's actually a lot more disturbing the more I think about it.

What afo is going through is basically solitary confinement 24/7. Guns constantly pointed at him ready to headshot him the second he tries tapping into his quirk or squirms too much. Unable to move at all from the neck down due to restraints. So many sensors it leaves him either completely vulnerable or overstimulated at worst. We never see him lying down either. He's always sitting which is painfull and extremely detrimental to a person's health and mobility if done for long hours without standing up.

I know he's an S rank criminal and super dangerous because the only person who could defeat him (All Might) retired, but you're telling me this futuristic society couldn't do anything more humane with all that tech other than shoving him into a death trap? (I wanted to call it a Saw death trap, but I never watched any of the Saw films ummm)

There's also the more creepy implication to questions like how does afo go to the bathroom in Tartarus. There's no way they just let him walk up to a toilet/urinal 😨

All For One is no stranger to dehumanization and he takes almost everything in stride even Tartarus from the looks of it, but that one panel where he almost begs All Might to not go always stuck out to me.

Sorry for the long essay. I just wanted to say something about this and chat with a fellow All For One fan.

you don't need to apologize, it's an interesting topic!

I think afo's time in prison affected him more deeply than he would ever admit. look how they had him ->

strapped to a metal slab, not being able to move his limbs at all, alone for hours constantly being watched and he doesn't have access to his quirks that allow him to navigate the world so he's completely blind here. oh let's not forget that if he thinks about activating a quirk or makes a sudden movement the guns pointed at his head will automatically shoot him. also like you said being in a sitting position for a long period of time will end up being detrimental to your health.

tartarus whole existence is a violation of human rights and that's without mentioning the disgusting way the guards treat the prisoners. yes they did evil things, but I think dehumanization of any group of people is a dangerous road to walk on and can lead to horrific things committed against said group because it's easier to justify doing horrid things to others if you think the other party isn't even human. with all the amazing quirks and technology that is available it's a surprise to see that they haven't come up with a better way to deal with imprisoned villains. maybe it's because they don't care to come up with a better solution because once again they don't see them as humans so why should they bother trying to make their living situation more bearable? awful stuff.

too bad we don't see anyone from our main cast really question this type of treatment, but oh well. I guess it's implied some things did change as we see spinner was allowed to write and publish a book while in prison (doubt they let him free to do it). so he's not strapped to a metal chair all day like the other prisoners we saw. unless he's getting some special treatment, I don't know the story doesn't really tell us about what happened with him after his confrontation with izuku. only shows us that he managed to publish his book.

BUT back to the main question, what was being in prison in like for afo? honestly, I think he had to fight to stay sane while down there. being in those conditions for a long period of time will wear down your sanity. you saw how desperate he was for all might to stay and talk with him despite him being someone he hates. probably the thought of getting yoichi back kept him going, after all when he's down there he gets excited when he's able to hear his voice for the first time in over a century. even the guards freaked out because his the monitor tracking his vitals went crazy when he heard it.

still I think the whole experience disturbs him more than he would ever admit and it was traumatic but he just shoves down in order to focus on the goal ahead of him. no time to process any of that he's got a brother to catch

[wuahae]

CONGRATS AGAIN MY LOVELY SHING STAR BFF TWINSTER 4LYFER CAT!!!! im forever proud of u my lovely <333

hopefully i can send a little request of jacob (sorry i am in my crazy cobster feelings) + 8:24 pm + a library!!

(suggestive; minors dni!)

[20:24] / library

-

“jacob.”

there’s the distinct noise of your clothes rustling, wooden chair creaking as jacob leans over more, breathing in your scent as he nuzzles into the nape of your neck. “hmm?”

“jacob, not here.” a beat of silence, and then nothing. he shifts lower—higher, if you account for his hand on your thigh. you try again, voice wavering. “jacob.”

“yes, my love?”

“don’t ‘my love’ me!” you hiss, smacking him lightly. “we could get caught!”

he hums again, leisurely, innocently. “by who?”

it’s times like these you really wonder how you end up in situations like this. the only reason you were in this godforsaken (you can only hope god isn’t watching) library in the first place on a friday night was because you had this cursed essay due at midnight, and by the time you’d arrived at the library in the afternoon, you hadn’t even started. jacob had joined you around six pm with the promise of dinner together, but as the minutes ticked by and the essay wasn’t exactly writing itself, that promise seemed more futile by the second.

(“let’s go,” he’d said, tucking his chin on your shoulder as he looked over at your laptop. “you can take a little break to go eat.”

“i can’t,” you bemoaned, fingers clacking away at your keyboard, 15 separate tabs opened on your browser along with multiple other windows. “this is life or death.”

well, it might as well have been. this damn thing was worth 15% of your grade.

jacob then drawled out your name slowly, sweetly, and instinctively, you tensed. the cursor blinked on your screen, halfway through typing a word. a chill ran up your spine—you’ve known him long enough to sense danger before it came.)

and that was how the situation escalated to this, secluded in the stacks of the library, completely at your boyfriend’s mercy.

“we’re going to get banned from the library,” you manage to make out through breathless puffs of air and restrained whines as jacob inches his fingers higher up your inner thigh, tracing little shapes onto the sensitive skin. he sucks on the thin skin of your throat once, like a point of emphasis, before letting go to murmur.

“don’t worry,” he assures. “no one’s coming by here at this hour. and besides—” jacob makes his first bold move, his thumb moving up and brushing slightly over your underwear. “even if we did get caught, we wouldn’t get banned. the librarian loves me.”

he gives a little more pressure, a soft tug at the nape of your neck, and a soft moan passes by your lips before you slap your hand over your mouth, squeaking out whatever was left. “jacob!”

“so you do want to get caught,” jacob muses, warm breath twisting your stomach into knots. “i’m okay with that too, but you should have just said so from the beginning. we could have chosen a much more conspicuous—” he strokes you again, harder, and your legs spread involuntarily “—spot.”

“th…that’s not what i—” you try to say, but it all comes out jumbled from your cotton-heavy tongue, brain foggy as the ugly yellow library lights clash with the blue light emitting from the computer screen, half-written document staring right back at you. “you know i have to get this done.”

“you can spare a few moments to go eat, love.” it must be a talent of his, the ability to sound so sweet and kind even as he watches you dissolve away in his palm like wet tissue paper. no wonder no one ever believes you when you tell them of your jacob-inflicted woes. “you haven’t had anything since breakfast.”

“i had a—ah—a protein bar.”

jacob tilts your chin towards him with his other hand, a disapproving look. “now we both know that isn’t a meal.”

you choke back a frustrated cry, squeezing your eyes shut. “jacob—”

“why are you calling me that?”

“what?”

“my name,” jacob says, thumbing the edge of your underwear aside. your gut twists again, breath catching as he ghosts a finger over you, fully bared for him. satisfaction seeps and settles into him, even as he tries to keep up the innocent charade, the way he smiles knowing he has you right where he wants you. he knows exactly what to expect when he starts these kinds of things with you, having done so too many times before; this time is no different. “call me cobie, like you always do.”

this is it. this truly is the end for you. everything feels so loud—your restrained moans, the rumble of the air conditioning, the slip of his finger against you that only gets more obscene as he mouths at you. cobie is for when he’s normal, when he’s kind and gentle and the textbook definition of the perfect boyfriend, not when he’s like this, when he’s trying to unmake you until he’s left with only your want. it’s why you try your luck again, consequences be damned. (maybe out of spite, maybe to gain back some sense of control in the midst of his molding.) “jacob, i really don’t think that’s what we should be—”

“cobie,” he corrects, insistent. “say it with me. co—“ he draws out the syllables, sweet and melodic, hand slipping completely underneath your panties and pinching your clit “—bie.”

the surprised yelp that escapes you is unrestrained, unfiltered, the embarrassment rushing through your veins somehow just making the burning in your core grow hotter. “come on, say it,” jacob probes, and you’re fumbling to hold onto anything that can ground you: the chair edge, the table, the toned arm between your legs, flexing as he slowly drags you to a high.

“can you feel that?” he asks softly, palm pressed firm against you, slick and wet and desperate. he drags his fingers (the second is a new addition; he doesn’t miss the way your breath hitches) and lets them catch at your opening. your head spins, his fingers teasing around and never in. “looks like your body is honest even when you don’t want to be.” 

jacob lingers, pauses his ministrations for a moment too long, and you let out a questioning whine in response. it’s pleading, it’s instinctive, it’s downright humiliating, but it pales in comparison to the way you feel yourself clench around nothing, the way your hips twitch and jerk, rutting against anything he’s willing to give you.

“p—please—”

jacob grinds his hand down, sucking at a spot beneath your jaw that has you clenching again, words incomprehensible and slurred and almost piteous with how much you beg. he runs a hand along your jaw and guides your face to him once again, his eyes patient and giving, the meaning you know of far too well. he’ll give you what you need, if you give him what he wants. and he stills. “‘please,’ what?”

fuck it all. fuck propriety and what’s left of your dignity and fuck that goddamn assignment. you've had your grave dug—you have for a long time. all you needed to do now is lie in it. blood pounds in your ears, white noise buzzing through your body; the defeat forms heavy on your tongue, your mind hazy and scrabbling for something. anything. (desire is a potent thing, and jacob has always known just where to press to make you crumble.) “please…cobie.”

jacob’s hand traces your cheek gently, lovingly, as if you were the most beautiful thing he’s ever laid eyes on (you are. you always have been), and smiles. “that’s my girl. that wasn’t so hard, now was it?”

he pulls you closer, wrapping an arm around your waist as his fingers beneath you draw nearer once more, ready to plunge in and claim what’s his for the taking—

a notification pops up in the corner of your laptop, the little jingle signifying a new email sounding through the empty library. lolling your head against his shoulder, you move to catch a glimpse of what could possibly be sent to you at eight in the evening, only to see an announcement that makes you forget everything that was happening prior: good evening class. due to unforeseen circumstances, the essay final draft due date will be changed to monday midnight. hope you’re all doing well. happy weekend!

you both blink at the screen, frozen. jacob pulls his hand away from you, scooching his chair back to its regular place, but you’re still reading the email over and over again to make sure you aren’t hallucinating in a fit of hysteria.

“i’m not imagining it, right?” you ask jacob dumbly, pointing at the screen. “he really posted an extension?”

“yup!” jacob grins back. “isn’t this great? now we can finally go home.”

you shut your laptop, a sigh of relief heaving from your chest as you move to slip it back into your backpack. “thank god, cause even without what you were trying to pull, i really was not going to make it in time for—what are you doing?”

hand on the edge of your chair, jacob’s pushed you out slightly from underneath the table, kneeling to slip into the gap before pulling you back in. he places one hand on each of your knees, a distinct glint in his eyes. “well, we have to finish what we started, don’t we?”

fear. dread. a strange, twisted sense of arousal. “i thought you wanted to go get dinner?”

“i do,” jacob smiles, mischievous and teasing as he spreads your legs. pliant. “dinner’s right here.”

[productivityera]

New plan for productivity

The great thing about doing 100 days of productivity, or similar challenges is that you can go through them when you're done and find what worked/didn't work.

I've been super unmotivated lately - exams are coming up and I have a few life things I need to do. How about a productivity challenge 2.0?

Lasts year's challenge was crazy - I had so many commitments, so little time, and above all, I was stressed out sooo much. To say the least, it was an overcommitment. At the end of the day, how did I get through it?

Special Consideration !!

This was a lifesaver for me. On my last exam, I had to deal with so many things, plus our new house didn't have any wifi. We live in a regional area, meaning there were no 24/7 cafes and no libraries open to study. It also felt like a cop-out - which it shouldn't have. I was going through a crazy time - and studying for an exam wasn't exactly something that had to be done immediately.

So ... I am going to be doing a new productivity blog - but this time it's going to be on my terms. I will set realistic goals, I will make sure I have time for my social life, exercise and relaxation, and I will be concentrating on making healthy habits.

So, realistic goals mean that they follow the SMART format:

S - Specific (I have a clear goal) eg. I will complete questions 2-7 on a worksheet.

M- Measurable. (Time or goal oriented) eg. I will study for maths for one hour, I will finish one paragraph

A - Attainable (Goals I know I can acheive) eg. I cannot say "I will finish this essay in one day", instead. "I will dedicate 6 hours to this essay today"

R - Relevent (Relevence to my study) eg. highlighting text isn't exactly a great use of my time, given I don't even do readings

T - Time-based (Set a deadline) eg. By 5pm I will have completed a practice quiz

If I find that I a goal doesn't follow the SMART format, or the goal simply isn't doable in a set time frame, or that I will be studying for an exhorbenent amount of time to acheive my goals, I decide that I need help. This help may mean applying for special consideration on any assignments - it may mean asking members of my family to do certain household tasks if I dont have time to do them. It may also mean lowering my expections for myself.

A question I also ask myself is: "How do I stay motivated when I'm not stressed tf out?"

I am quite good at completing tasks that make me very stressed. When I have an assignment due, the only way I feel like I can study is by studying an hour beforehand or submitting an essay with a minute to spare.

It is week 9 of the semester right now - I have 3 weeks left of coursework, and plenty of time to start studying for my exams. So, time to start making a productivity blog and testing out certain methods and habits.

My health, including mental health is also important. So:

Exercise at least once a day. Even if this is 30 minute walk.

When studying, concentrate on eating nourishing foods. Fruit, nuts, not skipping meals, not snacking on junk foods if I feel peckish.

No coffee after 5pm. I know this time seems quite late, but due to my caffeine addiction, it'll get me a better night's sleep.

Plan out my day beforehand - if I don't have dog walks, plan out some other kind of exercise - how much I'm going to study etc. Block out my day using google calender - set tasks and complete them.

Plan social events with friends. Brunch's, shopping trips, study together's nights out etc. Something to look forward to.

Good luck on whatever productivity journey that you are on!

[emotionallyrin]

i feel like im in a hole

its almost the end of this college year, my second year too. i feel trapped though. i have two assignments i have to do in the next 24 hours and all i can feel for motivation is that i dont wanna be homeless lol. bare minimum motivation i guess and even then my depression is overwriting all motivation i gain.

anything about wanting to get a good education to get a job and be independent is all just gone when i feel so much despair that i just feel like im drowning constantly. im having dreams about drowning, very infrequent but they happen. usually its a lake, not a very deep one but enough that water would be up to your shoulders. i'm too weak to do anything but fall head first in and just dive, my body is tired and cold unable to help myself. sometimes my dad is there and he pulls me out , it doesn't feel like he's doing it to save me though - more like to keep me trapped in this family.

my family is a mess. i'll infrequently talk about it but just for this post all you need to know is they hate me and everything i stand for. i've heard it from their mouth, this isn't an insecurity.

my depression recently has been consuming me, like a bottomless pit. all i can think about is how i need to do this or that, obligations normal people could do with a push of grunting after all. for me, i just cant build any energy to move. my arms feel weaker by the day, my legs grow numb, my ribs feel like they're collapsing in, and my brain hates it. it's starting to feel like an excuse, i cant do the things i need to because im too depressed to move. i know i need help but my family doesnt accept i do, mental health isnt real to them, so i just wait and suffer.

i've been depressed most of my life to some extent but this is the worst its ever been due to various reasons, things i need to move forward from and get over but all i think about is how i wanna just die in my bed and sleep. its why i feel like im in a hole. im trying to do an essay right now, been trying for a few hours i guess but every time i start writing i feel dead. no motivation just feelings of wanting to cry. it's already overdue so i cant ask for an extension anymore, no help either because if my teachers knew my situation my parents would find out and every time i ask for help they just make something up so i cant get help. i dont know what to do anymore. i cant do this but i need to. i have to or else i cant break free from the prison they created for me.

this isnt a cry for help, just a vent for myself. if you want to give advice or speak about it then go ahead but seriously as much as im not ok just take this "im ok" and dont worry as much as you want to.

... also im sick for like the 4th time this year lol

[saanphoenix]

If anyone's been following me for an extended period of time, then you know I had a lot of cats. What started as a kitten rescued from a culvert down at Wal-Mart wound up becoming a small horde of about nine adults and teens due to, "If I stick the females in the bathroom when they are in heat, they can't get pregnant," being a stupid plan of someone who didn't know there was a low-cost clinic in my backyard for spaying and neutering and also taking in another kitten from a coworker that got knocked up at 4 months which I didn't even know could happen at the time.

Now, however, I have no cats to my name, a process of rehoming and surrendering them all to family members, and a local brand-new rescue that took a total of 4.5 months.

The reason I had to get rid of them was because my landlord illegally entered my house--didn't give 24-hour notice--and thought the smell of cat boxes I hadn't been able to scoop the night before was the permanent smell of the house. He also claimed he didn't even know I had cats, even though I had cats when he came to help install the new water heater, looked dead at one, and asked, "Is that cat supposed to be outside?" when said cat was poking his head out of the door they left wide open.

I repeat: This man knew I had cats. He had seen them. He had existed in my house previously and hadn't freaked the fuck out about, "~The smell. It permeates~ D:" But nah. The one day I gotta open after closing and let the boxes go for 8 hours is the day we illegally enter and assume the worst and give the tenant two whole goddamn weeks to "get rid of them." During Thanksgiving.

🙂

He also said that my dog, Clyde, would make his house insurance void if they knew what kind of dog he was, "But I'm not going to say anything because I know Clyde is a good boy." ... So, you're worried about the smell but not the potential loss of house insurance. Sure.

Anyhoo, the 4.5 month rehoming process included building an outdoor enclosure onto my shed that cost a small fortune. And I do mean small, but like, a noticeable chunk from my funds. And with it being winter, it took about two weeks to fully complete, so the lady helping me didn't freeze to death while making it.

Here they were with my dog. Inside the shed was their food and cat tree and plenty of spaces to lay around on and curl up under. Wasn't the Best set-up, but it was the best I could do until I could get them into the rescue.

Through the process of working with the rescue, I was able to Learn Some Things. I got shots and neuterings way fucking cheaper than the previous vet I was using that made me think I would be spending an arm and a leg every time I chopped the balls off a cat. Two of my kitties were sent to Kansas City, MO where one got adopted the same night they arrived and the other was adopted about a week later.

This was they. They even left Johnny's collar on him that he was surrendered with, which I thought was nice. Roche, the tabby, was the one adopted immediately. Probably because of hims derpy face.

Two of my girls went to fosters, rather than reside in the rescue's facility, and, last I checked, one was still up for adoption on PetFinder with a lovely little essay written about her using her name, Zinnia, for inspiration.

The rest appear to be in the rescue, which operates very similarly to a cat café. They have rooms set up with people-furniture and cat-furniture that allows the kitties to roam around instead of be in cages, and people can come in and just hang with the cats they might wanna adopt. There's no real need for appointments to come hang with the cats, but surrenders are by appointment only.

Despite all the stress, the mental breakdowns, and the seething rage this little Moment in my life has caused, I actually like that it forced me to learn how rescue work actually works. And I'm still working with the rescue to get the colony of cats that visit my porch TNR'd so the population will be better under control.

Squeaky, the orange tomcat that picks a fight with God and everybody, has been neutered, de-wormed, given flea treatment. But there's still Mama Cat--who is pregnant...again--her Teenaged Son and her Baby. I think Squeaky has chased off Teenaged Son the past coupla days, so he's probably going to be harder to catch, but....

Baby. Baby will be easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy. He loves Clyde and always comes running to rub up against him whenever I let him out.

...And, yes, I need to replace that screen. Don't worry about it. That'll be far easier to handle than the fucking cat enclosure. Also, once we find a decent enough truck to pull the trailer we can borrow, my ex-step-mother will be taking said enclosure to put up for her own cats.

[libmoopsychblog]

New semester, new me (I hope)...

I've had a lot of time to stare at my wall and re-evaluate the way that I tried to approach my first semester on the MRes course! But now I think it's time to do a bit of self reflection and to form an action plan for semester two so I don't burn out before graduation.

My experience of the first semester was challenging to say the least! Throughout my full life in academia, I've always struggled to stay on top of workloads and to start an assignment earlier than 24 hours before it's due date. At the start of semester one, I told myself that this would be the year for me: I'd convinced myself that a switch would flip in my brain and this year I would turn into the academic weapon that I was born to be. But it just didn't happen... Every submission in semester one was proceeded with a frantic rush up to the last second that was made ten times more stressful because of how much more difficult this work is to any I've had to submit in the past. Take the coding assignment as an example- I still have nightmares about how much my head hurt trying to finish that task on time!!

Whilst I've always been able to (somehow) walk out with good grades doing work in this way, it's just not a sustainable way to submit work at a Master's level. Not just because of the higher standard of work, but I've found 27 grey hairs coming through on my head since last November and I can't afford to dye my hair every week to cover them up. Joking aside, eventhough it makes me feel smart and accomplished to be able to write a 4000 word essay in 15 hours with no prior planning, I'm going to make sure that this is going to be the semester, albeit my final semester, that I become the academic success story that they write books about.

To give myself credit where it's due, I have constantly proven to myself that I can work under pressure. Pressure has always been my main motivator when it comes to submissions- I leave it until the pressure is at its peak to even begin thinking about writing. So at least now that when I get asked if I "deal well in high pressure situations" in a job interview, I know myself I'm not lying. But I have seen the negative consequences of this method on my mental health in the long run. I've constantly been in this cycle where I'll get mad at myself when I submit something because I know it's not my best work and this just can't continue.

When I think deeply about it, I think it is the constant passing grades that have stopped me from ever changing my ways. Why change a system that works, right? But I need to value my own mental health, stress levels and sleep more than I ever have. For me, it goes back to a classic theory I studied in A-Level Sociology- the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. I have convinced myself that I am somebody who needs a looming deadline and peaked pressure and who cannot work on an assignment in small, manageable chunks so that is exactly the type of person that I have become. So from now, I'll take my whole academic career so far as a learning curve and break the beliefs that I have forced upon myself about the conditions that I need to work in.

So here we are: the all important action plan.

1: Dear Diary...

A diary! I don't know how it has taken me 21 years to come to such a blatantly obvious revelation. But from now, I'm keeping a diary dedicated to all things deadline, planning and uni related. This way I have to hold myself accountable to the plans I've made for myself and can never say I don't know when something is due because it's in the diary.

2: Going to sleep on deadline Eve.

No more all nighters the night before a deadline! I've made a pact with myself that my work has to be submitted early so there is absolutely no work to be done the night before something is due. This way, I can be all tucked up in bed early the night before like a kid on Christmas Eve... bliss.

3: Slow and Steady Wins the Race

A lesson that I should have learned in primary school when they used to read the book about the tortoise and that rabbit. All of my work will be broken up into manageable chunks that I can complete in the weeks leading up until the deadline, rather than it just being done in one go.

So there we have it, a concise three step action plan that'll (hopefully) make semester two an absolute breeze... I'll let you know how that one goes.

[mellosdrawings]

Hi! So, I reblogged it a first time with my input in the tags but I kept thinking about this headcanon and there's not enough tags for me to fully go on about it. Allow me to hijack your post to tell you about what I know as an ADHD moron (of course it won't be all ADHD experiences since I have the fun molotov cocktail of ADHD+Autism), and how it does fit Jamil.

First allow me to rewrite what I put in the tags :

His global hyperactivity can stem from his job as bodyguard/retainer needing him to be hyper vigilant 24/7, but it's also possible that he's just like that. Contrary to popular belief, hyperactive people can appear calm on a regular basis (like me) but it'll show in tiny things like stims or simply always doing something like chores or homeworks. Jamil's physical hyperactivity seems to show, as you stated, in him being unable to keep in place when in a rush of adrenaline (so in a fight), or his being incapable to just rest by always having to do something (like how he does in chap6 despite being away from Kalim).

For his mental hyperactivity, Jamil ALWAYS over calculates/gets lost in thoughts/mumbles about whatever catches his attention. Being unable to shut one's thoughts is a good sign of ADHD. Yes it means we can be better at pattern recognizing (and so we can be very foreseeing thanks to this, right Jamil?) but it also means we can get stuck in the thinking part and never go on the acting part (once more something Leona calls Jamil out for in chap6)

ADHD also tends to mess up one's notion of time. Most people know that someone with ADHD tends to forget to keep track of time and thus is often late to everything, but something that can happen when you mix ADHD with anxiety is an hypervigilence to time. For example, I'm always ready hours in advance and the one to remind everybody that it's time to get going because we're gonna be late otherwise. Likewise, Jamil is the one to always remind Kalim about his timetables and his appointments.

Jamil's hyperfixation seems to be food, according to the 4koma series. That's also the thing he mentions the most in game (besides Kalim obvs), and as a minor hyperfixation of course there's poison (this one is more about his "work" and past experiences, but that doesn't make it any less of an hyperfixation). What's great is that food is an hyperfixation he enjoys! Sometimes you have the terrible luck of hyperfixating on something you hate (like me who sometimes hyperfixates on video games I despise and being unable to get it out of my head before having made a three hours long video essay in my own head about why the game sucks *looking at you MW3*)

Dancing is, indeed, a good way to healthily exteriorize hyperactivity. Plus basketball. (Plus martial arts probably) Jamil is a very fit person who obviously does a lot of sports so it can explain why he manages to appear so calm at first glance.

One symptom of ADHD you might have heard about is the difficulty with starting projects that's due to a lack of dopamine. Jamil doesn't seem to have problems with those, but there's a trick to it that Jamil could very well be using : having pets/people under one's care tends to act as a stimulant. No matter how forgetful or frozen in place you are about a task, when you have a pet or a child bother you to do something, you do it. Sometimes they don't even need to bother you because you feel responsible for them so you get on with projects that have an impact on them even when you don't want to. With Jamil's role as Vice Housewarden and him being a retainer, he always has people under his care which might help him with starting projects.

Linked with the previous paragraph is the lack of satisfaction at the end of a project. Most neurotypical people apparently do feel a sense of satisfaction/feel rewarded when they finish a project, but many neurodivergents (among them ADHD people) feel absolutely no satisfaction beside the "F*ck I'm glad I'm finally done with it!" In game, Jamil has only shown satisfaction over something being done with the final performance of the SDC. Other than that (correct me if I'm wrong, I'm not yet caught up with vignettes and lore) he doesn't seem to be feeling any satisfaction to a job done. Mostly he's just glad when the day ends and he can take some time to himself.

ADHD people can also have troubles regulating their anger (which, yeah, chap4 hello!) If you're like me you'll keep in check for as long as possible and suddenly burst a nerve without warning (does that remind you of something ?) The thing is, we are always keeping ourselves in check when we can because otherwise people get bitchy about us moving all the time or feeling "too strongly". When we're happy, we're ridiculously happy. When we're angry, all hell breaks loose. The rare times Jamil doesn't keep himself in check, he often goes overboard.

To finish, as you said, Jamil would be very good at hiding the most bothersome/disruptive sides of ADHD. He is a certified liar who had a whole dorm under his spell (lol) so it's not farfetched to believe he is constantly masking about this too. The rare times he's not lying/masking, he does get very hyper and over expressive, which is something that can happen with ADHD when you're too excited about something and your mask slips off. To the untrained eye it can look like a mania episode when it's just that even the most outwardly calm ADHD can go "uncontrollable" when they finally let loose (I'm referring to GloMas and chap6 and the Halloween event here mostly)

Anyway ! Is Jamil ADHD? Maybe. You can explain all those behaviors another way with his general upbringing. But I believe this headcanon is pretty well grounded and you can find details in game to support it!

There's this very random head canon that I have... Jamil has ADHD.

I have no idea what I mean, but like... It just. Yeah. I thought of this during a battle and ya know how all the little sprites have these little motions that they do? Jamil's sprite wouldn't stop moving. Every few seconds, Jamil would shift around. WAY more than any of the others.

(I'm not very familiar with what exactly ADHD/ADD is or what it entails, so I hope I don't offend anyone. It is not my intention at all.)

Obviously, Jamil had to train himself to be very vigilant as a retainer (as anyone in that industry would have to) and he has a very good poker face. I don't know where I'm going with this, I think he would be really good at hiding it. But I feel like maybe he fidgets a lot or has to constantly have his hands doing something. Maybe dancing is his outlet.

All this to say, I want other head cannons on this. I want to know about Jamil's hyperfixations. Anyway. What do you guys think?

(I'm sorry if this was offensive at all, I'm working to learn more about ADHD/ADD to avoid that. If anyone has any information they're comfortable sharing, I'd love to hear it. I feel like all I know is hyperfixations and being fidgety as well as losing focus a lot, which is a gross understatement about what ADHD actually is. Please let me know!)

[snailsgoingdowntown]

Out of Character | yan Xiao

Yandere Xiao! x afab! Reader.

No pronouns are used, but the body of the reader is female. I can’t write nsfw for gender neutral readers at all. It just doesn’t flow right I hope this is okay –

This is inspired by the Xiaowo concept/au of @merakiui

Sorry if this version of Xiao is out of character...

Warnings: general yandere themes, toxic relationship, toxic behavior, obsessive behavior, unhealthy mindset, drugging, manipulation, victim blaming, mention of alcohol.

Not sfw warnings: unprotected sex, somnophilia, blowjob, fingering, vaginal sex, non-con, dubcon, cowgirl, biting.

If I missed any warnings, please tell me.

Disclaimer: I do NOT condone the actions or behaviors that take place in this piece of fiction. None of this should be considered romantic or even normal as it extremely toxic and dangerous. This is NOT a healthy relationship.

Unedited. Like. I gave up editing this before I even tried. Its over 7k man, my brain does not want to edit this at all, not even 24 hours from now. And no pronouns should be used, but if did use some by accident, please tell me where they are so I can take them out. 

Wordcount: 7959k

MINORS AND AGLESS BLOGS DNI WITH THIS POST OR YOU WILL BE BLOCKED. THIS IS YOUR ONLY WARNING.

==

 i. Sleep tight

In hindsight, this plan should have been easy to carry out. All he had to do was drug your drink, mix the liquid with your tea. It’s an easy step, too easy, and yet here he is, running out of time as his hand trembles above the cup. You’re in the restroom, and he’s running out of time. He takes in a deep breath, trying to harden his resolve – he pours it the moment he hears the toilet flush.

It would have been a waste of money if he didn’t use it. It’s only reasonable, yes. That’s what he tells himself when the guilt starts to set in, resting deep in his bones. It’s something he’s been wanting for a while, and well, he’s not sure if you would ever give yourself to him. And Xiao can only be so patient for so long – it was bound to happen, one day. He was bound to crack and lose composure in one way or another.

And today just happened to be the day.

No, it was the day when he bought this drug online from a shady seller. He even waited a week before deciding when to use it, making sure that the cops won’t be called on him. After all, who would buy this date-rape drug online?

He manages to calm down by the time you get back, placing your cup on the coffee table. His own cup is on the other side, drug free, and hides his excitement when you sit down. “Did I make you wait long? I know this project is due soon, and well, while I was in the restroom you were probably working your ass off…”

“No, it’s fine. You were only in there for a minute, no need too fret.” He takes a sip from his drink before gesturing to yours. “It’s leftover tea from earlier. I heated it up in the microwave… probably not the best idea, now that I think about it. It’s currently the only thing I have now. I need to go shopping.”

He even got rid of the other drinks beforehand and kicked Venti out of the dorm room for the entire day and night. And knowing him, he’ll be hung over at a friend’s the next day. Everything should go according to plan if he keeps playing his cards right.

“Oh, thank you. I was kinds thirsty,” and without giving it a thought, you drank it. He watches you gulp the drink down and set oy back on the table. He hides his smile behind the sleeve of his turtleneck, coughing into it. Oh, how naïve you were, going into a guy’s room alone and even drinking something you didn’t see him pour. Didn’t your parents teach you to be weary of men?

Or rather, get to know someone before trusting them.

It doesn’t kick in right away, helping with the essay part of the project, typing away on his computer. You were making the model, applying the glue to certain parts. His heart beats harshly as each second go by, eyeing you to see any type of reaction. That drug… it was the real deal, right? His typing slows down a bit at the thought.

Another minute passes by before you show signs of anything. The only sound in the room is typing and your yawns. It would have been peaceful, nice even, if he hadn’t had… other intentions. Intentions that involve devious thoughts, thoughts he’s held back on for so long now. He wanted a taste of you, just a little taste… he promises to himself he won’t stick his dick in you. Yet.

Because if this plan works, he has another one in mind. One that could be considered worse than this, due to a different aspect of it. But you’ll want it then, you’ll want him.

It took half an hour to effect you in the way he wanted. Half an hour of waiting, sweating as his glasses would fog up and passing it for the warmth of the room. Half an hour of trying to stay calm and keep his composure, shifting in place every few seconds. Half an hour of worrying that it was a fake and a waste of money.

He’s excited when it starts to work.

“Mmh… I’m getting a bit… tired…” your words are slurred and hard to understand at first. He loves the way your eyes are droopy, how you can barely keep them open. Without thinking, he offers you his bed, gently taking your hand to help you stand. His face is flushed red as your body presses against his. He hopes you can’t feel or hear his heartbeat, but then again, you don’t seem to notice anything. You’re already half passed out by the time he lays you on the bed.

“Sorry… for…”

You can’t even finish the sentence, eyes closing as your breathing slows down. The effects of this drug can be rather… deadly if he gives the wrong dose. Doses of every medicine requires the weight of the one who takes it. And he managed to get to talk about little details without raising any red flags; things about your health and medical history that come off as curiosity as he shares his. You should have really thought things through before telling him.

But you didn’t, and that was your downfall. He tries his best not to rush things the moment you knocked out, simply looking at your sleeping body. You look like an angel, so innocent… and so easy to taint. White is the color of innocence as red is the color of lust, which he is filled with. He inhales when his knuckles graze against the skin of your cheek gently, wanting to treat you nicely. But it’s getting hard to, when your lips are parted like that.

“I’m the one who should be apologizing… I just tricked and drugged you, and now I’m going to my way with you. it’s not like you’re going to remember anything of this, really. So, it should be fine.” He mumbles to himself, looking over every inch of your body. The bed dips and creaks under his weight, legs on either side of you. This is a dream come true.

He starts off slow, simply lifting your shirt above your chest to show off your breasts – to his irritation they’re hidden by a bra. He huffs, simply pushing the article of clothing upwards, resulting in your breasts bouncing free from them. Once again, his face turns red, your breasts so round and nipples perky from the cold air. He tries to shove the guilt away to the back of his head.

He’s waited too long for this. Every flirtation he managed to cough up the courage for was seen as friendliness from you. Every date invitation was met by a smile, and saying it was a good plan for the project. His advances were turned down unknowingly, and due to his shyness, was unable to persist with it. But now? Now you were asleep and ready for the taking.

His to take.

His glasses slip down the bridge of his nose a bit, quickly fixing them before they fell on you. His hand trembles as he lowers it to grope you; it shakes even more when he stops right above your chest. He knows this is wrong, it’s extremely fucked up and you would hate him for it. But it’s not like you would find out, really, the drug will last from anywhere for 3 to 6 hours. Enough time to do what he pleases with you, and you will be none the wiser.

The guilt refuses to go away still. He takes in another deep breath, hardening his resolve – it would have been a waste of money. That’s the final straw, finally groping your breast a little too lightly, nipple rubbing against his palm. It’s softer than he expected, squishier too, he gropes a bit harder. He watches your face, looking for any signs that you might wake up.

When there are none, he goes harder, mind a mess as he feels you up. His eye catches your other breast and with his free hand, he pinches your nibble. He rubs his thumb against it next, the bud perky. He tries his hardest to be gentle with you – it’s the least he can do. It’s something he tells himself to make himself feel better. Because a good person wouldn’t drug their obsession the love of their live and proceed to sexually assault and rape them.

He’s a horrible person.

But even so, he can’t stop his actions, can’t stop his hands from squeezing and pinching, happy that you’re finally under him. When you let out a soft moan after a rather hard pinch, his body freezes. For a second, everything stops. He can’t even breath, and he’s sure that his heart stopped for a bit. But your eyes don’t open, they stay closed, and he repeats the action to see if your body will react in the same manner.

It does, and once again, your eyes remain closed. He lets out a sigh of relieve, finally able to breathe again. He likes the sounds you make – they’re so cute, so lewd. It would have been better if you were awake, if you wanted this, but Xiao’s not delusional and he knows you don’t… crave for him. But he’ll make you crave for him, after this.

“I didn’t think… I didn’t think it would be this lewd. It’s amazing, how soft your body is so far. I wonder if your stomach will be this soft. And your thighs… your stockings hug them nicely; I want to bite them. Can I? Can I bite them, please?”

It’s laughable, how needy he is right now. He continues to ask over and over, despite knowing you’re not able to answer. With each one he lowers his head and body more and more hands leave your breast to lift your legs up a bit. His head is right between your legs, eye to eye with your panties – stripped ones. It’s so perverted, the way his erection strains against his pants and tongue craves your taste.

He gently bites your inner thigh, enjoying the way your leg jolts. He sinks his teeth into it more, keeping in mind not to leave any marks. That will be for another day, today is just for learning about your body. About what makes you moan and scream in your sleep, if possible, what makes you wet. It’s for practice. Today is all about practice.

He doesn’t remove your stockings, knowing he won’t bother to put them back on once he’s done. Once’s he’s had his fill of that, he switches to your leg, biting and licking your inner thigh, mouth getting closer to your cunt with each movement. He takes in a breath before backing away, sitting up on his knees as he gives your body a look over. His hands stroke your legs before moving up to your stomach.

The guilt builds up more each time he stops to think about what to do next. He’s sure that he won’t ever recover from this, he won’t be able to go back and pretend he didn’t have wet dreams about you. It’s too late to turn back now, anyway.

“I promise to make you feel good… really good,” he slides your panties off, hands shaking the entire tine. This will be the first time he’ll see a pretty pussy in real life. This will be the first time he’ll see your pretty pussy in general. He gulps once the fabric is completely off and throws it to some random corner. He’ll have to remember to put them back on before you wake up.

He just stares at it for a while, your bare lips out on display for his eyes. And only for him. His glasses almost fall off again when bends his head down too much. Reaching down, he places thumb where he thinks your clit is. He rubs the area until he can feel the little bundle of nerves, and when he touches it, your body jolts again. His eyes zoom in on where his hand is, thumb rubbing circles into your clit, making you whine in your sleep.

Xiao takes his other hand to play with your chest again, squeezing and pinching all over again. It leaves in awe just how soft your body is. He can play with all day, but sadly, he has a time limit. And he needs to be done before then to hide the evidence of what took place on his bed today. No hint of him taking advantage of your body shall remain.

The clock ticks in the background as his thumb abuses your clit. He’s not sure if he’s being too rough at this point, but your body is just reacting so nicely… how can he resist going a bit rougher?

“Fuck, you’re so cute and sexy… I really want to fuck you right now, stick my dick in and just cum inside of you. Fuck, I just want to do that so bad… but it’s not the right time. Not yet. Soon, if I can work up the courage once more… you’ll be begging for me then. Hopefully…”

Xiao slides his hand down from your clit to the entrance of your hole. Your cunt is wet by now, not dripping wet, but wet enough for him to slide a finger in. Which is what he does with his middle finger, sliding it carefully as he palms his erection with his other hand. Your walls are just so soft, so greedy, sucking his finger in like that. He didn’t think a vagina would be so squishy. Not that he was complaining.

He was just surprised.

The lens of his glasses fogged up once more, amber eyes looking at how well you’re taking him. You’re moaning too, how cute – your lips are parted, and he wants to kiss them, but at the same time he wants to see your greedy cunt take his finger in. It’s a sight he’ll never get tired of, and in the end, he decided to kiss your lips, adding a second finger, and curling them. He swallows your whimpers and moans, trying to keep some of his composure. He can’t afford to lose complete control right now.

He mumbles into the one-sided kiss, “I love you I love you so much. You don’t know how long I’ve been wanting this… gods, I wish you were awake right now. I wish that you would wake up and kiss me back, saying that you love me too. But I know you don’t… but, at the very least, I can make you start to like me a bit. Sex induces positive emotions, right?” He can only hope that will be the case for the second part of his plan.

The kiss is messy, his saliva coating your lips as he shoves his tongue into your mouth. It plays with yours, his fingers thrusting in and out of your cunt faster, rougher, wanting to draw out more of your cute noises. Your body is reacting nicely, twitching as your legs close in on his hand. Your cunt is dripping wet now, and he can feel your walls tightening around his digits. Are you close? Are you about to cum all over his fingers and make a mess? He wonders if you’re a squirter.

And sure enough, with more thrusts and curls of his fingers, you cum on his fingers, making a mess. You’re not a squirter, right now at least. Panting, he pulls back, saliva trailing behind. Your lips look bruised, and he hopes it’ll go away by the time you wake up. And with that, there is one more thing left for today. A blowjob.

Xiao’s body shivers as he fixes your bodies, positioning them to the way he wants. He straddles your chest, careful not to put all his weight on you. His cock is leaking precum by the time he pulls it from his pants, lifting his turtleneck sweater and shirt underneath up. It’s twitching, ready to feel the warmth of your mouth. With a shaky intake of breath, he opens your mouth a bid wider with one hand, the other one guiding his excited cock to it. And when he moves it into it, he thinks he can cum just from that.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck… it’s so good. Thank God, I drugged you today, thank God you were wearing a skirt so I could finger you easily today. Thank God you were naïve enough to trust me… I’m sorry for tricking you, though. It’s… ah… it’s your fault, though…” he bites his lip, trying to focus on how good your mouth feels. It’s a sinner’s heaven, a sinner’s lust.

His hips buck wild, and he forgot all about being nice and gentle with you. His mind is in a fog, too hazy to notice anything other than his cock in your mouth. He pretends that you would enjoy this while awake, that you would forgive him for doing this to you. That you would wrap your tongue around his length as you suck it, doing your best to pleasure him. That you would bat your pretty eyes at him as he fucks your face – but none of that happens as you remain asleep. Unaware of the horrible things he’s doing to your body.

Precum stains your tongue as his tip twitches more and more with each thrust. His balls are tightening, and he feels that familiar pressure in his gut – he’s getting close. His panting is getting rougher along with his movements. He starts to imagine your reaction if you woke up during this. Would you cry? Scream? Or would you like it, begging him to cum inside your mouth so you could swallow it?

He groans at the thought and gets closer to climax. It’s gross, what he’s doing. It’s horrible, really, yet in the middle of all the pleasure, he can’t find it in him to care. The guilt that will come with his actions will come once they are done. Right now, he just wants to use your mouth like a fleshlight.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, (name), fuck…” with a moan of your name, he pulls out barely in time to cum all over your face. White ropes of cum stains your pretty face, and he huffs once he’s done. It’s such a pretty sight, seeing you covered in his cum. He wants to remember this moment forever and never forget it. And he takes out his phone, opening the camera – it flashes, and your, cum covered face is now saved forever.

He stays like that for a while, simply soaking in the bliss aftermath. It felt amazing. And next time, he’ll make sure that you both will be awake for it… he just has to find that other drug. And with that said… he has some cleaning up to do.

ii. Don’t let the bed-bugs bite

You don’t remember anything that had taken place that day. As a matter of fact, it was all foggy to you, only remember going to his dorm for the project, and passing out. You had complained that your body felt a bit sore, and you had this weird taste in your mouth. You couldn’t put your finger on it, but it was just… odd.

His heart almost burst through his chest when you brought that up. He was scared, extremely scared and worried that somehow, you found out. But you didn’t, and simply laughed it off. Said something about it being morning breath, probably. And you even apologized to him, saying sorry for passing out like that. He felt bad, but nit bad enough to stop his next plan.

His current plan.

Which led to now – you’re in his room again, Venti thrown out to his own devices. It was just the two of you once more, and just like last time, you were distracted as he poured the drinks. This time it was a different type of drug. It’s supposed to make you rather… horny, unable to hold your urges in kind of horny. When he hears the door click open, he hides his excitement.

“Sorry about that, my mom wanted to have a… private conversation. About family and all… did I take too long?”

“No, not all. And it’s fine. I made us drinks, and I’m almost done with the report now. Just have to look over it and edit. After that, we’ll be free from the project, since you’re almost done with the model, right?”

“Yeah, I’m almost done. If anything, we should finish around the same time.” you grin, happy that the project is almost done and over with – something that was once heavy on your shoulders feels as light as a feather now. And the same can be said for xiao. Just for different reasons. Horrible reasons that will make you hate him if he doesn’t play his cards right.

And so, he waits, trying his best to stay still once you take a sip of the drink. He does the same, so you won’t get suspicious of him. And even though you had started to doubt what happened that say, you just can’t say no to pure, innocent Xiao. He’s the shy one in class, after all. Always wearing thar turtleneck sweater, and those glasses that make him look so nerdy.

He knows this, and it honestly only works in his favor for this day. Because you think of him as an innocent, shy young man, you can’t make yourself think he would drug you. it just would be so out of character for him. But in reality, it is very in character for him. Because in reality, Xiao is a very disgusting person who thinks about fucking his cute classmate every single day. Sure, he has nice thoughts about you, acting like a normal couple and such.

But to actually act on these feelings of lust without your consent is… horrible. Even so, he just can’t hold himself back, anymore. He’s been playing nice, very nice, actually. He wanted to be a gentleman, really. But you kept being really dense… really… hard to get. It was only a matter of when he was going to snap, not ‘if’. The guilt still doesn’t go away once he tells himself that.

Like the drug from before, it doesn’t kick in right away. It takes a while, a few minutes, where the room is filled with your chatter. It eases his worries, and for a second, he forgot what he even did. Everything was peaceful, everything just seemed right. For a second, he forgot how horrible of a person he was, drugging your drink like that. It all comes crashing down when you look a bit hot under the collar.

He watches in glee as you shift in your place every few seconds, trying to distract yourself from the wetness between your legs. You had worn a skirt again today, and from the looks of it, it was soaking wet. You keep messing with the hem, making sure it was flat as you sat on your knees. Your eyes are also hazy-looking, gaze never staying in one stop.

You even went quiet, eyes unable to meet his.

“Are you alright? You seem a bit off there.” He hopes that his voice didn’t crack. He hopes that he’s not being too needy, with the way he gets up and goes to you. He hopes he’s not being needy when his own cheeks flush as he sees you look at him warmly. The room is getting hot – or maybe it’s just him. And when you look at him like that, how can he keep holding back?

“Xiao… I think I… I should go home. I don’t feel… right.” His heart drops once you say that, and watches in disbelief as you get up and gather your things. This… wasn’t going according to plan. He didn’t factor in the fact, that well, you weren’t the type to hold back. Or maybe you just didn’t find attractive, like that. Whatever it was, he couldn’t just let you walk away like that.

“Wait, I think it’s best you –,” he reaches out, grabbing your upper arm, and the back of his free hand presses against your forehead. It’s warm, really warm, and he shivers when you let out a moan upon contact. Once realization had hit you, your eyes widened, horrified. He notices how your body stiffens but doesn’t attempt to pull away. He gulps.

“You’re burning up. I think you should rest. I’ll set up the bed for you.” There’s a crack in his voice, and his heart is beating so loud he thinks you can hear it. You look at the floor, considering his suggestion. The gears are turning in your head as he holds his breath. You have to say yes – you just have to. Your knuckles turn white after grabbing the hem of your skirt too tightly. He quietly wonders just how wet you are.

“I… I don’t know if that’s a good… idea…,” your voice trembles and is barely above a whisper. And when he slides his hand down to gently cup your cheek, you whimper. He tries his best to hold back, really, but he can’t help the way his face leans in, lips hovering right above your lips.

“Are you sure? You seem a bit… needy,” his eyes are half lidded, “I don’t mind… helping.” Your breath hitches, and you’re one to close the gap. It was just a quick peck on the lips, and your lusty haze is blown away once you pull back. He doesn’t let you go when you pull away, instead placing the hand on your cheek on the back of your head, holding you close as he kisses you again.

It’s sloppy and rushed, tongues clashing as his lips never leaves yours. The hand on your upper arms trails down, latching onto your hip instead. When he does pull back, you’re left in a daze, body craving more but mind conflicted. “It’ll… It’ll be fine. I promise; let me help you through this.”

He’s glad that you were a bit out of it, otherwise you would have questioned his behavior. He was never this pushy, this bold and direct. He’s never laid his hands on you either, shying away every time he had the chance. You should have, but you didn’t, and takes advantage of that. You don’t shake or nod your head yes, just stare at him in a daze. He knows it’s not an answer, but he can’t hold back anymore.

Not when you’re in his arms, ready for the taking.

“But…,” you try to argue, fight back, but your actions speak louder than words. He sees the confusion in your eyes after the daze fades away into the background. He shushes you before lowering his head to bite and suck at your neck. His bites leave indents as his hands stay on your hips to keep you in place. “Xiao, um… we aren’t even…”

Despite your words, you lean into his touch, whimpering when you feel his erection pressed against your front. He likes the way your body shudders when he gets closer to the base of your neck. Your hands aren’t even trying to push him away, instead holding him close even though you’re still protesting. You’re so cute, like this. All needy yet confused. Unable to align your actions with your words, so it’s hard for a third party to know what you wanted.

He hears you draw in a sharp intake of air when his erection rubs against your thigh. He can’t take it anymore, but at the very least, he wants you to be comfortable while he takes you. He easily picks you up bridal style, you squeaked in surprise. He just looked so…

“Weak? You’re thinking that, aren’t you?”

“I-I… you just don’t seem like the type of guy to um… workout.”

He hears the confusion in your voice, and he bets it’s because he’s so out of character right now. The Xiao that you know would never be this direct. He would never touch you like this. And he wouldn’t kiss you, either, instead choosing to hide behind his glasses as they fog up whenever you made a flirty remark in all good fun. You should have known better to do that. It’s not like you can take it back, anyway. He won’t let you.

“I think the bed would be better for this type of stuff… I don’t want you to hurt yourself on the floor.”

“B-bed? Xiao, I’m not sure if I – I want this.”

“But you’re not trying to push me away.”

You go quiet after that, most likely trying to refute his statement. He doesn’t let you though, gently placing you on the bed, mounting you right away. There’s another squeal, his hand cupping your breast. This is better than that other time because you’re wide awake. And no matter how much you protest, our actions make it seem like you want this. You were the one who kissed him. So, you started this. You wanted this.

“They’re really soft. Is the rest of your body this soft?” he knows the answer already but asks to make you more embarrassed. You stutter, physically wanting his touch but at the same time, not sure if you should. He’s not going to give you a choice, and while he finds your protesting cute, he just wants you to accept your fate already. Just listen to your body – it’s hot and needy, right? Don’t you want to have his dick in you as you cum on it over and over?

“I-I, um, wait, even if it is, or even if I do want this, I’m not sure if we should – oh!” your legs spread out once his other hand reaches down and rubs circles into your panty covered clit. Your blabbering stops for a bit once his fingers start to play with your heat. The cotton is soaked with your arousal, and he smiles into your neck as you squeal. The drug made your body really sensitive… it’s cute.

“If you didn’t want this, then you wouldn’t be wet, right? And you wouldn’t be bucking your hips into my hand.”

“W-when did you become so… confident? Bold, even?”

He licks a stripe up your neck, hand groping your breast harder. His fingers rub your slit up and down through your underwear. He whispers into your ear, “Because I can’t hold back anymore. You’re really cute.” His face feels like it’s on fire and his mind is all over the place. There are so many things he wants to do to you, with you. He knows this won’t be love making, but he’s too far gone to even care.

You whine, fingers digging into his shoulder blades as your hips buck into his hand. He rubs harder, your cunt greedy and needy. He pushes your underwear to the side, and you throw your head back when he inserts his middle finger. “You’re really wet. It slipped in so easily.”

You’re a moaning mess under him, legs trembling as he finger-fucks you. He wanted to start off gently, really, but you’re just so wet there wasn’t a need to. It’s not long before he adds a second and a third, teasing you about it. “You just keep taking my fingers in so nicely. Are you sure you didn’t want this?”

“I’m – I’m not sure, I’m not sure anymore -!” your words are slurred, climax building up. Your walls are tightening around his digits, they’re so soft and he wants to stick his dick in already. But he wants you to be the one to sink down on it – making you even more confused to if you want this or not. And also, because it’s what he imagines whenever he jacks himself off on lonely nights; you, riding his cock like your life depended on it, his glasses on the bridge of your nose and his turtleneck sweater covering your otherwise naked body.

He’s going to make that dream a reality today.

“Are you close?” he sounds excited. He curls his fingers in your hole, hitting your g-spot over and over, abusing it. He’s going to abuse your pussy with his dick in a bit. This is a… sample of that. Practice.

“Y-Yeah! Oh! Don’t stop – wait, hold on –,”

You cum with a squeal, making a mess all over his hand. You’re panting under him, and his cock twitches in his slacks. He can’t hold back much longer, but he lets you recover from your orgasm. He wants to be at least a little nice to you. He has to be a good future boyfriend.

If he played his cards right, maybe, just maybe, you’ll consider going out with him. You’ll see him in a romantic light, hopefully. If not, at least, well hopefully, you’ll want to have sex with him again. And with sex comes positive emotions, right? If you make the other person, feel good, they’ll think good of you, right?

He likes the way you look after you cum. Your eyes are glazed over, mouth slightly parted as you catch your breath. Your hair sticks to your forehead, and chest is heaving. He lifts your shift up, exposing your bra clad chest before lifting that up to. Your breasts bounce with the action, and without wasting a second, he latches onto one of your nipples, sucking as his other hand pinches the other one. He doesn’t let you catch a break, wanting to hear more of your noises and working you up all over again.

“W-wait, you’re being too r-rough-!”

Your words don’t slow him down or anything, the male too caught up in a lust filled haze. When he pulls back, your eyes are filled with tears.

“Does it hurt?”

“A-a bit… you… you’re done yet, are you, Xiao?” he tilts his head at your question. You’re meeker now, and your legs are still trembling. He’s not done yet you should know that – his erection is pressing against you. And when he grounds his hips into yours, a delicious moan reaches his ears. He wants more. He wants more of your cute noises, he wants more than you.

“Can you do something for me?” he slips his fingers inside your heat again, causing you to yelp. You look at him in a daze, body craving for him.

“F-favor? What type of favor… oh…,” your mouth slacks open when he curled his fingers. When your eyes close in pleasure, he peppers your eyelids with kisses. He wants to pretend that this is a romantic love-making session, that you’re his pretty little lover. That you wanted this, wanted to be fingered and want his cock so bad you’re begging for it. But reality is rarely as sweet as dreams.

“Yeah. A small favor… I remember once you asked about my sweater, and if it was comfortable… why don’t you try it on now? With nothing on underneath, that is… along with my glasses. I really like the way you look with them on.”

He asks in such a gentle and loving tones, wiping away the sweat and hair stuck to your forehead. You look conflicted again – probably still unsure about the entire situation. Probably asking yourself if you should do what he asks, or if you should keep protesting. He waits for an answer, trying his best to stay patient.

“I… I’m not sure… um… maybe… maybe I can wear it outside of well, this?” you gesture to your bodies and how close they were, your arousal staining the bedsheets. He raises an eyebrow, and huffs in annoyance. You’re caught off guard by this – the Xiao you knew, well you thought you did, would never react like that to something like that. But his sexual urges and neediness are making him more direct, it seems.

You’re a bit scared to say no directly, but also don’t want to say yes.

“It’ll be fine… I promise. Just let me take care of everything, okay?” he doesn’t even let you nod your head yes, quickly stripping off your skirt and panties, your bra and shirt going through the same faith. He throws them into a random corner, not really caring what happens to them. Your breasts and cunt are    out in the open, for his eyes only. He thinks it’s cute, the way you try to hide yourself using your arms and hands.

It’s futile, though.

“Hey, don’t hide,” he gently takes your wrists to move your arms. He pins them above your head before deciding to let go, taking off his glasses and placing them aside on the nightstand. He then takes off his sweater and pulls you up to put it on you. Your arms shake as you raise them, body getting warmer once the sweater is on. You look embarrassed when he takes his glasses and places them on you.

You’re a bit blurry, but he can still make out the general details. He blinks.

“Maybe I should put my contacts on… so I can see clearly…,” he mumbles, digging in the drawer of the nightstand, and getting the container. He thinks you’re looking at him in confusion, wondering why he doesn’t wear them. He ignores it, instead going to the bathroom to wash his hands and put them in.

Your body is too weak to even think about escaping.

By the time he comes back, the drug is still in full effect, and with Xiao being away for a bit, it become needier. But your mind, on the other hand, says to wait. To stop, but from how wet your hole is, he’s sure you won’t protest as much. You were always suborned like that. It’s cute, though.

“Sorry about the wait… let’s get started, shall we?” he gets on the bed again, but lifts you up to where he’s the one on his back and you’re the one straddling him. You gasp when his erection rubs against your care cunt, your arousal staining the fabric. Your eyes are watery.

“Hey, it’ll be fine. It’ll feel good for the both of us,” he leans up, gently cupping your cheek. The gesture seems to calm you down a bit, leaning into his touch. He smiles at that before kissing your forehead. After that, he lays back down, happily looking at the sight before him. It’s amazing, how much work a drug can do. How easy it makes everything.

“Um… but… even if I… it’s going to be raw, isn’t it…?”

“I’ll pull out in time.”

Condoms. Right. He forgot to factor that part in, and he doesn’t trust the ones Venti gave him – they didn’t come in a box. They were all loose condoms, and he’s worried if he poked a hole in the packaging. And besides, he’d rather feel your walls on his bare cock. It should feel better that way, right? That’s what everyone says.

“I’m sure neither of us has anything – I’m a… virgin…” his face turns red from embarrassment once the words leave his mouth. He’s sure that you’ll mock him for this, that you’ll laugh at him. But it’s okay – he’s about to lose it to you right here and right now. Xiao sees you take in a breath.

“I only did it with my ex… we always used condoms. But even if you’re a virgin, that doesn’t mean anything, you know…”

“I’m pretty sure the doctors would have said something once they got my blood results back. Remember, how we had to get our blood drawn that one time?”

You nod your head, fingers messing with the hem of his sweater. You’re nervous and it’s adorable. Without saying another word, his hips thrust up into yours. You gasp, your body moving on its own – it wants more friction. You’re starting to blabber again, about how you need to think about this. But your worries fall on deaf ears as he undoes his pants and pulls them enough for his cock to spring out. It’s already leaking precum.

“O-oh… you’re, um, you’re bigger than I would have thought –,” you throw your head back when he rubs the tip against your clit, his hand guiding his cock to your warm hole. But he doesn’t put it in, instead wanting you to be the one to do that. Your hips are going crazy, rubbing up and down his length. He lets out a groan here and there, your slick covering his dick. If only you would hurry up and slide down on it, sinking on it as you adjust to having his dick in you.

Can’t you hurry up?

“You’re rubbing on me like crazy… it sure does look like you want this, (name).” he teases, one hand reaching out to grope your breast. The action makes you whimper, your skin hot and sweaty. It looks like you were begging for this, and maybe at this point, you were. Not that you would be able to deny him. He won’t let you, not with the way your pussy was rubbing up and down on the length of his cock, hearts in your eyes.

“I’m not – I’m not sure, Xiao -,” your breath hitches the more you grind against him. Your gaze meets his, and he holds himself back from pushing you back and taking you. “But, if we do it, there won’t be turning back –,”

“Are you saying you would regret having sex with me?”

It makes you go quiet and part of him is genuinely hurt – he’s been in love with you for so long now. Would having sex with him be that bad? Is the mere thought of it horrifying to you? He doesn’t know what your response will be, but his heart beats painfully in his chest. He sees the guilt in your eyes, but they’re also filled with suspicion. But soon it goes away the more you think, and he has you in the palm of his hand.

Guilt-tripped sex wasn’t what he had on his mind. But it’s okay regardless of the situation, as long as you’re the one who starts the act of sexual intercourse. Despite how direct he’s being right now, he’s nervous on the inside. He’s not sure if he’s doing all the right things, or if he’s acting natural at all when it comes to sex. Xiao watches as you gulp, legs shaking, and you attempt to get up. Are you trying to leave again? Or trying to sink down on his cock?

“I’m not saying I would regret having sex with you, but this situation is a bit… it doesn’t feel right…” your hips lower themselves, where your welcoming hole is place right above his twitching cock – almost there. Just a little bit more. “But I…”

With every word, you slowly sink down, whimpering when his cock stretches your hole out. Xiao groans the more you sink down, and when you took all of him, he places his hands on your hips. He doesn’t move, trying to calm down before he cums on the spot. It’s hard to stay still, when your eyes are glazed over, and warm hole so wet you didn’t need lube. He hopes you don’t attempt to move just yet.

“Ah… you did it… look, we’re connected now,” one of his hands leaves your hips to rub at your clit, “we’re one now. No turning back now, right?” You merely nodded your head, and maybe his dick being in you has something to do with you. Lust does crazy things to people, makes their judgement cloudy. Even with how much you protested, you ended up listening to your body in the end.

“A-ah… mmh…” you rotate your hips, and you’re clearly having a good time. It makes his heart swell. “H-hey, are you sure t-this is a good i-i-idea?” you keep slurring your words, hips never staying still. By the time you finished your sentence, he starts to thrust his hips into you, trying his best to stay quiet – it’s embarrassing to let out such lewd noises. Besides, he’d rather hear yours.

“If… if it wasn’t. then, fuck, then we wouldn’t be in this situation – ah! – right?” he’s left breathless by the sight of you riding his cock like your life depended on it, hair swaying with your actions. He wants more and more, and your moans are only fueling his cravings. “You’re clearly – so good – enjoying yourself.” You whine loudly, throwing your head back, his words reaching deaf ears. h

While your mind loses itself on his cock, his is scarily clear – he’s completely focused on you. The pleasure goes hand in hand with the sight of you, and he’s in complete bliss. If heaven exists, then this would be it. Having you ride him like this, it’s a literal dream come true. He never wants this to end.

He wants to take his time, but Xiao’s losing himself in you. His hips just won’t stop thrusting up into you, your wetness making a mess. Your moans are a nice touch, and his fingers slip under the hem of his turtleneck to touch your burning skin.      

His grip is tight, not wanting to let go. It’s almost romantic, almost consensual. “It’s like we’re a couple.” It doesn’t make you react, your eyes shut tightly as you let out moan after moan. Your hands rest on his chest, bouncing up and down on him. His glasses are all fogged up, but it’s not like you needed them to see anyway. One hand reaches up to push them back when they’re about to fall off the bridge of your nose.

“It – fuck – feels good, right?”

“m-mmh, y-yeah – OH! – r-really good-!”

Xiao smiles at that, happy you’re enjoying yourself. And well, even if you weren’t… he’s not sure if he would have stopped. He probably wouldn’t, considering he did drug your drink and all. He can lie to himself all he wants, but deep down, he knows your consent is not a major priority. But feeling your walls on his cock is.

Your pleasure is just an added bonus.

A pressure builds up in him, his climax nearing. He wonders if you’re also close, but words won’t leave his mouth. Instead, he leans up, kissing you, teeth nibbling on your lip. When you gasp, he slips his tongue in, and all you is whine in response. His grip on your hips tightens.

Xiao can feel your walls clamp down on him, and your movements get rougher, sloppier. It seems like you’re close as well, grinding against him as you ride him. When you cum, it’s with a scream, the drug in your system making you hypersensitive, and you squirt all over him. You’re making a mess all over him. How adorable.

Xiao barely remembers to pull out when he cums, spurts of while landing on his sweater. He’ll have to wash it later.

Neither of you talk, your bodies slumping over on the bed. The room is filled with heavy panting, and he adores the way your head is on his shoulder. He places a hand on your head, stroking your hair in the aftermath of your climax. This is pure bliss.

He can tell you don’t know how to answer his question.

It’s just so out of character of him.

“Why don’t we become a couple?”

[bitter-sweet-coffee]

idk who needs to hear this but if you have adhd/think you have adhd or in any way relate, i have a bit of advice:

are you a procrastinator who can only do things when they're due? oh, i bet it's exhausting, right? well, if you manage to get accustomed to working ahead of time, lower your expectations. do it. lower them.

and you might be thinking "that's gonna make me not do anything!" well lower your productivity as much as you can while still doing something: more than the bare minimum you were doing before, and less than anything else.

"i want to finish tasks in advance of the due date because it'll be out of the way so i can relax instead of having to constantly work on stuff from when it's due to when i start" you won't relax or finish. okay, maybe you finish a task ahead of time, that's amazing progress! but it won't work that way if you've already cracked the code to working in advance.

not so fun fact: there is always going to be a future deadline that you can work ahead on, and worse cases where there are future deadlines you CANT work ahead on (like a test or scheduled social event)

if you get too used to working in advance you're going to fixate on every upcoming experience and get addicted to the "i was just productive" happy brain juice... which is not good either. it's actually very bad because there's nothing you can do to stop things from happening, because "things happening" and "stuff to do" is kinda integral to conscious existence and like... being alive and self aware and stuff!!!

what can you do about this? well, you can procrastinate a little, as a treat.

condition your productivity like a temporal render distance: let's say, 8 days forward? are there any outstanding deadlines besides the normal tasks you routinely do? okay, even if you're super busy there should only be a handful non-patterned deadlines (not process work, deadlines).

EXAMPLE: maybe you have an essay, a test, an extra work shift, and a coffee date with a friend you haven't seen in weeks over the next 8 days. cool, you only need to focus on the essay and ensure you do it before the extra work shift: maybe turn it into point-form outline and try typing it on your phone using comic sans and dark mode! a draft or outline is good enough, now carry on with your normal schedule and daily tasks (classes, work, chores, etc...). if the test is after your work shift, study for the test a little bit the night before and morning of— if you can and usually study anyways. i never study and i don't really do tests/exams that require studying if even do them so it's nbd if you don't do anything for the test! try and turn that essay outline/point form into full sentences now and if you have the energy, wait a couple hours/later that day and edit it! send it! bam, done. now you just have to go see your friend, and no matter where that is scheduled, ensure you aren't completing one of the tasks i mentioned within 24 hours before or after this social event! if you do it too close before, you'll be burnt out. if you do it too close after, you'll be thinking about it the whole time and not enjoy yourself. try not to think about the work shift and test since they suck and are out of your control, so treat yourself to a relaxing period or physical reward after each! now if you feel like it and have something due super far away, or suddenly get saddled with another task, you have a lot more wiggle room and relaxing time that can be replaced with work if needed/wanted WITHOUT breaking you.

^^^ don't think about the next week or future weeks or other shit that's coming up, just the 8 day render distance (or whatever distance you choose). once you near the end of this chunk, prep the next chunk in a similar way that doesn't force you to overload on work ASAP, but also not rush every single one and burn out! yeah you can also do an extra piece of a huge process-project like a final research paper or presentation that has deadlines throughout its completion duration, but it's not the priority. acceptable time will present itself when these things are meant to be worked on

TLDR: productivity is good until you fixate on it. be aware but not hyperaware! do stuff, but not too much stuff: less is better. be as unproductive as possible without it being a problem, and as you adjust to this, slowly increase the amount of productivity to manageable levels!

you can't suddenly whip yourself into working like people who don't default to executive disfunction, and it's actually more damaging to be very productive. you're gonna feel that "oh shit i gotta do work" sensation that you get while doing something last minute... all the time. it will destroy you and is NOT worth it! start small, not because you can't do more, but because you shouldn't just yet or maybe ever.

sincerely, someone who has been overworked and jacked up on the maximum legal concerta dosage for almost 2 months now that desperately needs a nap and some free time that doesn't involve crying and desperately trying to do fun things in vain because i'm too exhausted to enjoy hobbies :")

[wewontdieunbloomed]

my new study system

there are a few main ideas that this system goes by, and i mainly try to optimise the time i have and make sure the time i spend studying is focused

1. Treating school as a 9-5 - Compartmentalising my obligations

Having set boundaries between 'study/work' and 'play' allows more purposeful and intentional use of time. Boundaries like WHEN and WHERE helps to establish a clear work/play mode.

Together with the 4 hour rule, I will try to incorporate this into my days. On weekdays, I will work towards a total/maximum of 4 hours, in 1-2h blocks because it's difficult to have a solid block of time. Also because I think my attention span will fail me.

On weekends, I will try to keep it to 9-5, about an 8h day, where 4 hours are delegated to homework each day and the other 4 to revision.

Another thing with this time blocking system would be the website blocks I set. Instead of going with 24h blocks, I will try setting the block for that task I am doing. E.g. if I am doing math for 1.5h, I shall set the block for 1.5h

This is so that the time I block distractions for is intentional too, and not just a general 'no distractions' rule. It might also help with being more purposeful and having a clear goal in mind, to finish the task within that block.

I plan to use a time log, inspired by an article I read online, so that I have a even greater sense of officiality to this 'job'

2. Practice based revision

Content can be learnt through application, and I can become more familiar with it through applications. By doing application I will be sifting through what I know in my head and fitting it to the question - the exact skill that the exam tests. After doing many many times, the content just sticks and I will know how to apply content in different ways to different questions.

Lit, GP: Essay based subjects: Do many essay plans, at least 1-2 every 2 weeks, sometimes I could write the actual essay. Practice the PBQ/Essay/Compre

Other subjects Bio, Math, Chem: No more copied notes, rather, memory notes after going through the content, adding on things that I missed out in another colour. Anki flashcards too

3. Recap, beating the forgetting curve

The forgetting curve is quite well known but I think I haven't been making use of it very well, and I want to follow this even better so that my scheduled revision blocks are more effective and work more towards long term memory.

I plan to go by 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, and 3 months

Every day: recap what was learnt within 24 hours (but if it is too short, recap the next day instead)

Every week: Recap content learnt. Since we are going by the 9-5 system, maybe try to keep

Every month, every 3 months: schedule what's necessary by looking at the revision log and time log

On Sunday night every week, leave about 45min to an hour to schedule what is due for recap

This is an overall look into how I plan to revamp my study system, starting soon when I get back into the groove of doing work. In the meantime I will take the well deserved and necessary break, and go forth with this new study system with much enthusiasm. I don't know how well it will work, but I'm interested to find out. Overall, from this, I hope to enjoy studying a bit more, by having these boundaries and guidelines that I exert on myself. Hope it'll go well. Stay productive :)

[lunarlxve]

trees in fall | 11. shoe sale

note! written part under

yn walked into the library searching for yeji amongst the tables. she see the girl waving her hands in the back corner to get her attention. jungwon and sunoo are already there talking to each other.

yn started making her way towards the back.

“oh yn!!!”

she looked back to see niki barreling towards her, he stops in front of her and takes her hand, “let’s go study or whatever.”

when they get to the table, niki takes a seat across from jungwon. yn sits down and yeji lets out a sigh, “thank god you’re here, there two have been here for 15 minutes and i think i’m loosing brain cells.”

“just because you’re not smart enough to understand physics,” jungwon says rolling his eyes.

sunoo sighs, “i’m don’t either but he won’t shut up.”

yn gives sunoo a smile, she understand his pain. hyuka wont shut up about this new group called txt, and as much as she loves him. she just doesn’t understand.

“niki, where’s your backpack?” yeji asks.

“what do you mean?”

“i mean how are you going to study without anything?”

“oh i’m just here because i want to be,” he says taking out a bag of gummy bears from his pocket and putting his feet on the table.

jungwon judges niki with a look yn could only hope she will never receive. niki shrugs and goes back to his gummy bears that he is very content with.

the group gets to studying. yn is knee deep in annotations of pride and prejudice, jungwon is just about ready to pull his hair out while doing his ochem homework (he took the class for fun btw), sunoo was on tiktok instead of writing his 5 page essay that’s due in 24 hours, yeji is hard at work with her dance theory and is slowly rethinking her major, and niki fell asleep about 10 minutes after getting there. so the group is doing well and getting shit done.

soobin enters the library with one goal in mind: to get his girlfriend to hangout with him. which she hasn’t been doing because school or whatever.

he looks around and see she’s sitting with her friends. he walks over and stops, when he spots that the new girl is there and sends a quick text to sunghoon.

soobin puts his phone away, and walks over behind yeji. he leans over and puts his chin on her shoulder, yeji jumps but smiles once she realizes who it. she turns and gives him a hug.

“you’ve been studying so much!” soobin said giving her a kiss on the forehead. “you haven’t been spending time with me, i need cuddles sometimes too you know.”

“disgusting,” sunoo says putting his phone down, going back to his essay.

“i know, i’m sorry binnie.”

soobin smiles, sitting down next to her. “it’s okay as long as you’ll come to the cafe we always talked about? right now.”

“but i need to watch the rest of this video an-“

soobin cuts her off, “you’ve been working yourself too hard lately, let me take you out, than you and i can watch the rest of the video together?”

yeji bites her lip contemplating if a couple hours of free time with her boyfriend she feels like she’s been neglecting can fit in her schedule.

soobin pecks her cheek, “okay?”

yeji nods and starts to pack up her things, “are you guys good?”

“yep, get this couple shit out of here,” jungwon said, throwing them a smile just to let them know he’s joking.

yn smiles at her, “i’ll take care of them, have a good date!”

yn watches as yeji and soobin walk out of the library hand in hand.

“god their so in love,” niki said, “gross.”

“nice of you to finally be awake,” sunoo says stealing a gummy bear.

“you know what, my nap was good thanks sunoo.”

“guys? park sunghoon.” jungwon says.

“huh?” sunoo looks up to see him approaching their table.

shit what’s he doing here yn thought. he could be studying but why is he approaching them? when he reaches their table niki and him do a weird handshake thing.

“hey what’s up man?” niki says to him.

“actually i needed to ask a question to you,” he says. yn looks up to him and he’s starting right into her eyes. her heart beat quickens a little too fast for her liking. yn looks to the other guys at her table to see them frantically putting their stuff away.

“oh yeah the three of us were just leaving because we heard there was a sale on-” jungwon stumbles to find the right words.

“shoes, yep shoes.” sunoo says, “anyway we’ll be off, come on niki.”

niki looks confused,” but sunghoon just got here.”

“niki, get the fuck up.” jungwon said giving him a glare.

“god damn fine, see you around sunghoon, yn.”

and with that they were gone. now what the fuck did park sunghoon want to talk about with her?

masterlist

{previous} 10. dumpling, wonnie bear and sunny | 12. sigh {next}

taglist

@abdiitcryy@youreverydayzebra@atinyyylove@softforqiankun@lokideadontheinside@yourlocalhotgf@simpforscoups@woonieiv@p2arks@shawkneecaps@nycol-ie@00-baejin-05

a/n: let me tell you, doing this on the computer is 10x harder. took me absolute ages, anyway enjoy lovelies !!! ♡

[taecalikook]

Love, Rekindled.

summary : even if you’d rather cut your tongue short than to admit it, love was easy when it was with Jungkook—no matter how short it had been. yet when the guy fortuitously joined your company four months ago, he has been an expert in pulling your strings that you’ve been fighting every will to punch in his annoyingly ravishing face. but can you further deny the old feelings to rekindle when a certain company event and a group of gullible friends are involved?

{enemies2lovers! au, ex!au, professional!au}

pairing : jeon jungkook x reader (side kim taehyung)

genre : major fluff, slight angst, mutual pining and smut!

word count : 32.780 (one-shot)

warning ! fingering, sex with feelings, dirty talk, big dick, jealousy, dom(?), raw (use protection yall) its my first smut story soooooooo bear with me lol enjoy! 

=====================================

Working directly after you graduate in one of the biggest fast moving consumer goods companies in the country might be the dream. While to an extent it might be true, you realize that you have so many things to sacrifice—including your sanity and personal life.

So one dawn you spent all night working on the procurement report you have to submit to the finance team in just five hours, you are so distressed you bawl your eyes out so hard you feel like it is about to fall off. You were too loud to the point that Namjoon, your roommate, was awakened and had to console and accompany you, finishing the report for another hour until you could finally sleep.

And the next morning when you wake up after only three hours of sleep, you have to drive early in the morning to submit the signed reports to the finance team. You are not ecstatic to say the least. Not only that you had the worst night and don’t have the time to conceal your excessive eye bags, you have to submit the physical report to the most notorious, annoying person to ever exist—Jeon Jungkook.

You don’t even understand why destiny had to be that cruel to pair you with Jungkook for a tad bit too many of your tasks. He is annoying, self-centered, impolite, and probably the worst person that you have ever worked with. And it is quickly proven when you are going to submit the report and stride to his desk, finding he is still calmly typing on the laptop. Irritated by how divine he looks at eight in the morning compared with your hideous self, you slam the report right beside his laptop.

“Here it is. And once again thank you for making me change every fucking numbers in that report right the night before.” You hisses, folding your arms in front of your chest. He looks up to you with a grin, his fingers swiftly opening the report.

“I’m sorry, dear but if you wanna complain, you can directly do it to your boss.” He chuckles lightheartedly, and you roll your eyes in disgust. How can he still be this composed is beyond you. “And besides, it’s your team who mistakenly input the data. How is it my fault?”

“I can actually give you an essay for that as an answer, but I don’t want to violate the rules since we are now in working hours.” You harshly respond, tapping your feet impatiently while his eyes are skimming the report.

Another five minutes until Jungkook closes the report with a loud tap and smirk in mirth at your obvious disconcert. “So is that an invitation for a meet-up outside working hours?”

You hiss after hearing such an expected sentence coming out from the jerk. He really is that self-centered, and it shouldn’t have baffled you by now. “I hope you are very well aware that you are annoying and I don’t like you.”

“I am aware of that, beautiful. You have explicitly reminded me in every email chain—better tell me something I don’t know.”

“Nah, I don’t have anything good to say for you.” You scoff and stomp your heels around to leave him behind. The fury is still booming inside your head, so you repetitively let go of your breath, trying to detox your mind of his annoying, but forsakenly handsome face of that jerk out of your mind.

After arriving at your desk, you throw your belongings on the desk and sit on your seat after sighing loudly. It immediately attracts the attention of one of the team peers who sits beside you, Hoseok.

“Wow. Why the long face, Y/N? It’s Friday, lighten up a little.”

“I literally cannot ‘lighten up’ if I keep on working with Jeon Jungkook. Is there any way I can just… not see him or contact him even just for a day? Or even better, forever?!” You hiss while raucously opening your laptop. Hoseok chuckles in amusement.

“Y/N, I don’t know why you are so against the guy. Yes, I know he might be a little cocky—”

“A little?!” You immediately cut Hoseok, but he has been in this conversation too many times before to know that he needs to continue before you begin your patriotic speech of why Jungkook doesn’t deserve anything good in his life.

“—but he is not that bad. People, especially girls like the guy. He is great looking, charming and good with words. One of the best in his team too, even with such short time joining the company I even heard he might be promoted soon. I think you should give him a chance.” Hoseok shrugs.

You huff and stare at Hoseok in heavy betrayal painted in your face. “That’s not going to happen, Hoseok. Yes, I know people might be blind and think so highly of that cocky ass jerk, but you are my friend and should be educated about not seeing one person only by the assumption of other people. Jungkook is not as good as everyone thinks he is.”

“But why? I know you, Y/N. And I know this is not hatred only based on work—there is something else that happened.” Hoseok calmly speaks his mind, but it successfully throws you off guard. Not that you want to admit it, you are well aware that the dislike you got for the guy is not majorly caused by professional work. But you’d rather bite your hand off rather than voluntarily telling it to someone else.

Seeing how silent you have become, Hoseok immediately turns aghast. “Just a shot in the dark... Did you sleep with this guy before?”

The thought immediately puts you to shame and your face turns vermillion. God, how can he say that?! “What are you saying?!” You squeal in alarm, and you do realize you are too shocked to even speak clearly right now. Damn Hoseok and his outstanding deduction skill! “You are talking nonsense now, Hobi. Why-why would—fuck this I’m going to the restroom.”

You can hear Hoseok's distinctive laughter behind you when you stride towards the restroom, and the desire to knock your head to the wall is too much. You are literally fucked.

*

After working hours, you are finally able to escape the office and ask Namjoon to accompany you and eat in your favorite steak restaurant near both your offices. Namjoon looks at you munching on your steak like a starved woman while silently sipping his glass of red wine.

“Well, I never understood how people say they can get full only by seeing someone else eat, but I kinda get it now.”

You glare at him and hiss, stabbing the steak with your fork in pique. “Stop bothering me! I hate it. I hate everything! Work sucks, life sucks, everything sucks. And I literally don’t have any friends to hangout on friday night beside my own roommate whom I see nearly 24/7. I really had no life beside work it’s embarrassing—”

Namjoon winces, and you immediately halt every movement and stare at him in shock. You know that gaze. It literally screams apology and regret.

“About that…”

You gasp and smash your utensils in the table that few other people are glancing weirdly your way, but you cannot care enough about those prodding eyes. “No! You can’t do this to me, Namjoon! You are ditching me tonight, aren’t you?!”

He grimaces. “I’m sorry, Y/N but I promised the guys for drinking tonight. It’s already planned since god knows when, I can’t bail on them.” You sigh, massaging your aching temple. Noticing how upset you’ve been—probably due to the possibility of ending the stressful weekend only in your pajamas watching bad tv shows, Namjoon quickly continues. “But you can come if you want! We would love to have you there.”

You suddenly put your hand together, moving closer to Namjoon in vivid interest. There’s a possibility to drink your pain away tonight and you are all down for it. “I would love to! I am so stressed lately, I desperately need an outlet. I am going crazy for this work and another second just sitting around I will go mad. And I would love to hangout with the guys! It’s Seokjin, Hoseok, and the others right?!”

“Yeah… about that.” Namjoon’s hesitance is too obvious that you immediately squint your eyes in suspicion. “Yes, I’m with those guys. But there is one additional person joining us and… you won’t like it.”

You giggle at his concern, easily shrugging it away. “Who? I don’t think so, Namjoon. Don’t underestimate me, I may not be as friendly or outgoing as you are, but I can manage to meet new people well and—”

“It’s Jeon Jungkook.”

You immediately close your eyes and heave a breath, your fingers are gripping hard on the edge of the table until Namjoon literally had to move his chair a step back out of fright. It is not the first time he had to face your immeasurable wreath, and it is literally not a good sight he’d do anything to avoid it to happen ever again.

“Why?! In what circumstances would you ever hang out with that bastard?!”

“It just happened! Jimin is friends with the guy, both are from the same department as well. He is new and nice—to us, at least.” He quickly adds before you go into a screaming match yet again. “It’s harmless! And he needs friends too, Y/N. He is new in the city, and doesn't have many friends. I still have no idea how you can even hate the guy when he literally just entered his four months in town.”

You look up to Namjoon aloofly. Jungkook has no friends? What happened to the jerk you knew a few years back? He seemed to be doing well with his bunch of jerks he called as friends. “Pssh—I don’t really care about that. Just do whatever you want!” You childishly pout and continue in stabbing your steak. You know that with Namjoon you can always count on him being a brother that would gladly endure your annoying traits and childishness.

“Hey, I am sorry. Don’t be mad, okay? What if we get ice cream tomorrow, hmm?” He kindly persuades and then you are unable to prolong your fake burst. There is no way you can stay mad at him, as he is literally a heaven-sent angel to you. You don’t even know how you can stay sane if it weren’t for your kind roommate.

“M‘kay. But you’re paying and I am taking home a litre of shooting star ice cream.”

Namjoon sighs and you giggle at his easy forfeit. “You are neither easy on the eyes nor to my wallet. I hope you understand how generous I am to still want to participate in this friendship.”

“By the way, have you seen VoE email this afternoon?” Namjoon nonchalantly asks, smiling to the waitress that places his own steak. You meekly shake your head, cause ain’t nobody got time to read another email from the Voice of Employee team. You already arranged your inbox neatly and automated those emails to be placed inside the folder which named ‘emails i probably will never read ever in this lifetime’. “I shouldn’t have asked, of course you haven’t.” He continues, unimpressed and you grin devilishly at that.

“So, they announced the new employee engagement event. This year’s event is kind of a blind pen pal thingy that is arranged by Jimin.” Namjoon explains while cutting his steak in boxes. “Albeit lame, I thought it was kind of interesting. You should join, you know?”

“Pen pal?” You scrunch your eyebrow. The idea is not appalling even a little to you. “Really? What year does he think it is?”

“It could be fun! You know it must be nice meeting new people across the company. Funny that they also recommend the participant to hide their identities and stay anonymous while chatting at least for the first few weeks.”

“What? That’s so lame! Why do they have these kinds of things?!” You giggle and shake your head in.

“Actually, because people like you, Y/N. You said yourself that you had no friends and life outside work. It could be great to meet someone new and talk freely, even in the company. It’s also good that it’s anonymous in the first weeks so people won't be judgy and busy talking about work stuff and making friends instead.” Namjoon replies back and you pretend hurt at the truth shoved at your face.

“Ouch! That hurts.” You jokingly wince but nonetheless shrug. “I think it kinda made sense, but I think I’ll pass.”

“Oh, come on! It can't be that bad.” Namjoon groans at your stubbornness. “You know you have to pick an employee engagement event. If you choose to go with your boss for the fishing competition event when you know he’ll talk about work all the time, I’ll gladly say go for it. And you literally can’t even boil water, there’s no way you’ll be joining the ‘masterchef’ event. Or that singing competition! Are you kidding me? No way.”

You sigh at the reminder since Namjoon is indeed correct. There’s no way you’d be joining the other engagement events since you are talentless in nearly any other area, and whilst pretending you can cook might be interesting, the possibility of burning the whole kitchen is not since you are not risking the lives of others because of your carelessness. And singing is the one you already gave up on. You are not embarrassing yourself and be the joke of the year in front of your boss and colleagues.

“Gosh..I hate it when you are correct. I’ll think about it later, okay?” You frustratedly hiss, ruffling your hair in distress. “Let’s talk about something else, please.”

After another half an hour chatting while you finish your food, you and Namjoon quickly pay with another dramatic debate of which one of you will pay. After humorlessly swearing that you will twist his figurine if he still insists on paying, you easily win the debate and pay instead.

“So, are you going straight to the bar?” You inquire after walking out of the restaurant. Namjoon hums and swiftly picks the phone from his pocket, checking his friend’s current whereabouts.

“Nope, I think they should be here anytime soon, but—”

“Namjoon! Y/N!”

Both of your eyes quickly divert to three guys coming your way. It’s Jimin’s jovial voice calling your name, Hoseok beside him and… Jungkook. The huff instinctively comes out of your mouth after noticing the guy wearing a blue navy buttoned up shirt who irritatingly still looks too good for him. Noticing that Jungkook’s intense gaze is never diverted from you, you quickly shift your face somewhere else.

“You guys finished the dinner?” Jimin asks and you nod with a smile. “Ah, long time talking to you again, Y/N! I am sad we don’t get to work together again.”

You giggle, definitely sensing the irony in his sentence. The fact that he is assigned to another project in Finance was the biggest turning hill in your career, as it was also the point you were introduced to Jeon Jungkook, as the new hire who replaced him and whom you would be working closely with. You don’t even want to remember how stricken and betrayed you felt at that time.

“Yup, true.” You quickly smile and clearly avoid both Jungkook whom you detect is still staring at you and Hoseok who is literally glancing at Jungkook staring at you. This is getting ridiculous and you detest each awkward second spent with these men.

“Hey! You guys know that we are sending the last reminder for choosing an employee event!” Jimin suddenly chirps and you wince. “I noticed you guys haven’t been picking yours.”

“Last reminder? I thought it was just announced this afternoon.” Namjoon innocently asks while scratching his temple. Jimin instantly sighs in distress.

“I began sending it two weeks ago, Namjoon. Damn it!” He hisses and Namjoon immediately points at you.

“Y/N didn’t even read the email!” You slap his shoulder quickly in embarrassment. Jimin looks at you in disappointment and you smile, inevitably guilty for him.

“You guys are such a pain in the ass. I’ll be waiting for your emails monday morning. And please do pick the pen pal option arranged by me!” He singsongs proudly. You nod dubiously. “There’s a lot in store and I can guarantee you it would be very fun!”

You are still nodding, before looking to Namjoon. Freaking Jungkook is still reading you like you are a book, so you need to head out fast before anything unwanted happens. “So, I think I’ll head out first. You guys have fun—”

“Let’s go together! I parked in our usual.” Namjoon says and you briskly nod, your legs are desperate to put distance between you and Jungkook’s intense and unnecessary stare. You bite your tongue to hold yourself from snapping. Seriously, what is wrong with that guy?!

“Namjoon, Jungkook is going with you, he didn’t bring his car. Hoseok is pooling with me, we need to stop somewhere first.” Jimin nonchalantly mentions but you are immediately struck. Why?! Why would Jungkook pool with Namjoon? It means that you are going to spend another five minutes walking to your car parked in the basement where you’ll have to spend an elevator ride with him. Ugh, even the thought repulses you.

“Let’s go. Seokjin and Yoongi are already on the way to the bar and ten bucks say Yoongi is cranky as fuck now.” Hoseok wriggles his eyebrows at you. You reponds by mouthing him curse words as you know what he is implying. He is clearly having fun at your misery.

“Y/N, let’s go.” Namjoon quickly intercepts your clear avoidance for Jungkook by pulling you by the elbow. He gestures Jungkook to follow behind the two of you.

It was only uncomfortable silence even inside the lift that descends to the parking lot. You are this close to Jungkook, but you are still feeling his wary glances on your skin. It is too much of a burden and your last string snaps, unable to hold yourself.

“Is there something on my face?” You spit at him. Jungkook immediately looks away. Instead of answering with another trash reply, he decides to stay silent. Well, that’s new.

“So, tomorrow we need to choose an employee event. Can I sign you up for the pen pal one?” Namjoon asks suddenly, probably trying to take your minds off things, especially the fury you have for Jungkook.

“Namjoon, I don’t think so. At this rate I think I’ll just join that fishing one.”

Suddenly, an unexpected voice behind you is heard. “I don’t know, but they say fishing needs patience and you clearly are lacking that one, Y/N.”

You immediately throw your head back and glare at Jungkook. He nonchalantly looks back like he did not just diss you. “The fuck you say?!”

��I said what I said. I thought you’d know that by now.” He smiles civilly, and you just know he is the one begging you to snap and scratch your claws at him.

“Come here you little shit—“

Namjoon instantly holds you by the waist, stopping all your movement. “Y/N, don’t! Let’s go now.” He reliably holds you and leads you back to your car until Jungkook is safely out of your sight.

“Y/N, enough. It doesn’t matter. Just go home and take some rest.” He persuades and you have to take multiple breathes in and out to calm yourself. “I know you are angry but please don’t run him with your car.” He jokes, but you immediately form a chilling smirk with your lips.

“That’s a great idea, actually.” You vigorously pat your wheels.

“Y/N, I was joking, please—“

You giggle at his clear fright. “I’m joking too. I’m okay, Namjoon. He was just being a jerk again. I got used to it. That’s not even the most hurtful thing he said to me. I’m fine.”

Namjoon heaves a breath and moves to pat your head with a grin. “You gave me a fright, you fool. Drive save, okay? Let me know when you’re home.”

You hum and Namjoon moves to close your door. You move your car and catch Jungkook standing on the side. He was waving at you with a condescending smile, the one you answer by flipping him off.

*

It’s been nearly two in the morning. You are exhausted, but your body is still too much alive to be sleeping right now. At times, your body is still accustomed to your college routine when you’d only be sleepy when there’s still so much to do. Usually at these times, you would be watching movies with Namjoon, commenting on every single thing you can comment about the movie while he’d do anything to shut you up.

Already going to the sixth episode of your netflix series, you glance at your phone. Speaking of Namjoon, you notice that he hasn’t given you any signs of going back home. He always does, especially when drinking out with friends. The thought suddenly scares you that something might have happened to him, so you quickly dial his number.

Three beeps and finally someone picks up. “Hello? Namjoon? Where are you? Are you not coming home? If you’re not you should’ve told me sooner!”

An incoherent groan is heard along with a faint voice of someone you’d rather not mention. Another seconds of silence until an abrupt deafening, slurry voice is heard. It’s still him. Jeon Jungkook. “Y/N, can you help us? Namjoon passed out and I am not completely sober enough to drive. Come here and get us, please?”

“Ugh, get a taxi! It’s freaking two in the morning, I don’t want to go.” You groan, even if inside you are contemplating. Namjoon is drunk, and he brought his car with him. You’ll not be able to sleep if knowing he is out there drunk and in need of help. “Where are the others? Can’t they get you home?”

Five seconds of awkward whimpering of Jungkook babies himself, refusing to give Namjoon’s phone to someone else. It turns out to be Yoongi, also your workmate from IT. ”Y/N? Y/N! I am so happy you picked up. Can you get these guys? Everyone here beside me is drunk, and this petite body of mine can only take Hoseok and Jimin since they’re in my building as well. Can you please get your huge ass roommate home?”

You sigh, aloofly agreeing to help Yoongi. The place they are drinking is not far from your apartment, so not even bothering to change your peppa pig pajamas, you overlay it with a peach sweater and hitch a taxi right after.

Not even fifteen minutes on the way you finally arrive. The bar itself was rather vacant, the music has changed, and you can immediately detect a group of moron on the corner booth of the bar, looking severely drunk. Detecting your presence, Yoongi instantly lightens up.

“Y/N! Y/N thank god.” Yoongi exhales. “I really fucking desprate to go home. Can you bring Namjoon and Jungkook together? Jungkook lives near your apartment, and he is not that drunk. Just drop him off in front of his buildings, or whatever.”

You groan in distaste. “Really? I really have to bring this guy with me?” You peer your squinted eyes at Jungkook who is limping to stand beside you.

Jungkook rests his palm on your shoulder with an intoxicated smile, wiggling his eyebrows. “Yes. Let me come along, Y/N. I promise we’ll have fun, hmm?”

You instantly push him away in disgust, the empathy you surprisingly have for him has disappeared into thin air. “I’m not getting in any car with you, jackass. Have a great time sleeping on the street.”

Yoongi groans at your stubbornness. It is not an uncommon sight as he is already well informed of your bad blood with Jungkook. “Y/N, for the love of god please stop arguing with a drunk idiot and lets just go fucking home.”

Still scowling, you move to wake up Namjoon, circling his arms around your shoulder. Jungkook is somehow still sober enough to voluntarily help you carrying the giant to his car. After safely securing Namjoon on the back, you stride to the driver seat and Jungkook follows to sit on the passenger seat  beside you. Driving out, it was only cold silence inside the car that you have to glance to see if Jungkook is asleep. It turns out he is not sleeping, instead catching him stealing glances at you.

“What the hell are you looking at?” You frown at him. He shrugs, diverting his eyes to the window. Another three minutes of silence until he opens his voice.

“Are you dating Namjoon?”

You stare at him, befuddled. What the fuck is he prattling about? “I am quite certain it is none of your business. Why are you asking anyway?”

“Nothing, just a question. You don’t have to answer.” He somberly responds, not mimicking the edge in your tone the way you expect him to. It leaves a sour taste in your tongue, feeling guilty in such a strange way.

“Namjoon and the other asked me why we hate each other so much.”

At the sudden information, your body tense. Namjoon asked him? Did he possibly tell the guys about what happened between the two of you? Even the thought only scares your whole being. “And what did you say?”

He heaves a deep breath once again. “I said I don’t not hate you. You may hate me, but I never hate you.”

The answer and his tone is astoundingly civil, so you glance at him in confusion. Hard to believe it is him talking right now. “What are you saying?”

He massages his temple. “I never hate you, Y/N. I know. I know what happened between us. And even if it’s too late, I know I was wrong and you have all rights to be furious at me.”

The fingers you have on the wheel tightens. You don’t know why you feel this way. The moment Jungkook acknowledges the mistakes he has made, it seems like everything shifts into a different light. You bit your lips in irresolution. Is it actually you who is too irrational not to let go something that is clearly in the past?

As if not realizing your current distress, Jungkook continues. “I know there is no time we’re not at each other’s throat, but I always wanted to ask how you’ve been. Are you living okay? How is your family, is everything good now?”

At his questions, you find yourself snapped. You don’t need it. You don’t need his sympathy. All things he said are never going to change what he did, and frankly it is too hard to imagine he might have changed. You had enough of him and his bullshit and one thing you will never do is to repeat history again. You are not that much of an idiot.

“Save it, Jungkook. I don’t want to hear it.” You shakily say, the tears are already swarming at the corner of your eyes. “I’ve had it enough. I am not going back again to that phase again. You hurt me, bad. And I’m not an idiot whom you can fool around with and will be there at your doorstep the moment you want it.”

“Y/N, I—”

You immediately step on the break that jerks everyone inside the car including you. “This is your apartment, right?” If you’re explicit gesture for him to fuck off is not clear, you don’t know what is—but it seems like he understands well enough and reluctantly nods. Releasing his seatbelt, he gazes at you again, eyes swarming with anonymous emotion.

“Just so you know, I never told them anything—what happened between us, I mean. I’ll never say that to anybody. If you still hate me this much, I know it’s not my place to tell.”

You are still unmoving, only looking straight ahead as he dejectedly continues. “I know this is wistful thinking, but I wish we can sometime talk, Y/N. Just talk. Like two people who are not desperate to hurt each other, or to bicker, or anything.”

You shift your head, ironically smirk at him with tears already falling down your face. Talk? Now he wants to talk to you? Does he think you’re a joke? He is a bastard and you should’ve known better than to deal further with him again.

“Well, maybe you’ve lost your chance to talk when you told me to fuck off that time.”

*

After spending all weekend balled up inside your blanket while Namjoon constantly queried you about what happened, it is finally Monday morning. You woke up in a troubled mood, all because the first thing you do in the morning is to prepare for the 8.30 meeting you have with your boss and team, in which one person from finance is invited and it is freaking Jeon Jungkook. You literally have no idea what happened to your luck, since everything seems to be going downhill recently.

Arriving exactly in time, you can see two of your planning teammates, Hoseok and Jungkook are already seated. You greet them and directly take a seat beside Hoseok, silently opening your laptop to prepare the meeting, trying to be as nonchalant as ever. You notice that Jungkook is avoiding your eyes at all costs, and you are grateful for it. Your boss arrives directly in a minute, and then the meeting starts.

An hour into the meeting, your boss finally concludes. While you are arranging your belongings, your boss unexpectedly asks. “Y/N, for the employee engagement. Which one do you choose? If you’re still unsure, you should pick fishing. We can team up, and maybe talk about the project—”

The thoughts alone scares you and you abruptly answer in panic. Inside you are cursing Namjoon and his great predicting skills. “No, sir. I am picking the pen pal one. Might be great to meet and make new friends.”

He nods in understanding, and right after he walks out of the meeting room Hoseok chuckles. “Smart choice, Y/N. Otherwise you'll be stuck discussing work and faking laughs all the time.”

Smiling, you look up to Jungkook who stands near you. You feel the cold of nerves over his intimidating presence.

“Gotta go, talk to you another time.”

He quickly walks out, a tad bit surprising to both you and Hoseok. There is something different about Jungkook—he is not the confident, all-rounders man he used to be. There is a hint of rush in his voice and you might have an idea why.

*

“So, have you received your pen pal username?”

You look up to Namjoon, before re-reading the email Jimin sent to you yesterday about the person you are going to be anonymously chatting with. You’ve already downloaded the chatting applications, signing up yourself yesterday and now it’s you who should add and start the chat.

“Yes. I have, actually.” You breath out, before throwing it back on the sofa. “I don’t even know why I’m nervous! This doesn’t make sense. This is just talking, Y/N. Get your shit together.”

“I am now chatting with a certain person, username doofenshmirtz.” Namjoon mentions while typing on his phone. “I don’t know whether this is a good sign that she or he loves doctor doofenshmirtz or just another heartless jerk like anybody else.”

“Well if it's the preceding, he or she is indeed a keeper.” You hum in agreement, finally braving yourself to add. But now you have to begin the chat! God, this is indeed a struggle. “I am so awkward. What do people usually say to introduce themselves?”

“Well, most people usually go with a simple ‘hello’.”

You sigh at Namjoon’s useless advice, but when you are typing, sudden pop up chats arrive, shocking you altogether.

91snowball : wow, this really work [21:38]

91snowball : tell me if i’m correct or fuck it i’ll just delete this app now [21:39]

“Snowball is chatting with me right now!” You freak out, raise to your knees in tension. “Namjoon, what should I do! I don’t know what to say!”

Namjoon weirdly glances at you, then proceeds to continue whatever he is doing on his phone. “Just say something. Why are you thinking about it too much…”

blueberry_25 : yes i think we are pen pals😅 [21:40]

91snowball : ah, finally [21:40]

91snowball : so get this, blueberry_25. Which one travels faster? hot or cold [21:40]

Your eyebrows wrinkle at the unexpected riddle, but giggle otherwise. “My pen pal just asked me a riddle. Which one travels faster, hot or cold.”

Namjoon groans in disgust. “If the answer is hot because you can catch a cold you better block that person right now. That’s super fucking lame, what the hell.”

blueberry_25 : did you just search ice breaking riddles at google because i read the same one you asked me lol [21:42]

91snowball : wtf haha thats embarrassing but since you did too im fine 🥴 [21:43]

But soon enough, you find yourself chatting to snowball until nearly two in the morning. It is beyond you how easy it is to talk with him, about the recent movies, your unending love for how i met your mother, his addiction to brooklyn nine nine, and a little about each other. You know he is a male around your age (as you decide not to disclose age, just range) and he loves skiing. You tell him about your love of classical and grunge music—in which fascinates him due to the heavy contrast of the two—and ending it with a debate about which music defines puberty the most, my chemical romance or fall out boy. Both of you agree to end it with a draw.

In the end, snowball kindly reminds you you should be sleeping and have a good rest for tomorrow’s work. Reluctantly agreeing, you thank him and say you’re looking forward to the next chat. Even with the exhaustion you feel, you can only fall asleep after reading your exhilarating chat with him for one more time.

You forget how easy it is to talk to someone new. Or maybe you have been trying to forget you ever did.

*

Walking to your desk, you rest all your belongings and open your laptop. Hoseok beside you instantly slides his chair next to yours, eyes squinted and eyebrows scrunched.

“Why the fuck are you singing in nine in the morning, that’s so unlike you.”

You look at him in confusion. Are you singing? You did not even realize. “Oh, am I singing? Sorry if it bothers you, I didn’t know.”

The horrified look in Hoseok’s face is getting prominent. “You literally never apologize in the mornings. You always have a foul mood with an ugly frown on your face. Tell me who kidnapped you! Are you even Y/N?!”

You roll your eyes at his dramatic response. “Yes, I know I haven’t been in the best mood lately, but just let me live, okay? And why is this chocolate on my desk, this is yours.”

Hoseok looks at the ferrero rocher leaning on your desk with the small card on it. “It’s not mine. But let me check.” He swiftly takes the chocolate and pulls the card, his eyes scanning the words written on it. Five seconds passes before the mirth is detected on his face.

“This is not mine, this is for you.”

Flustered, you quickly take the card back from Hoseok’s grasp and read it. Someone is sending you chocolate, along with a hot pack glued on the back, and you don’t have any idea who or why.

It might be a little cold since it’s November soon, so here's a hot pack and also chocolate for you. Hope you’re having a great day today, Y/N!

“Wow, a secret admirer? The fuck, this is 2020–who does that anymore.” Hoseok cringes while getting back to his seat. Even so, he quickly opens his skype with a mischievous smile on his face. What an obvious moron, he giggles to himself.

*

“I told you a million times it is not me, Y/N.”

It is lunch at your office cafeteria, while Namjoon looks at you in distress at your accusation of him sending the chocolate you also bring with you to lunch. Hoseok is silently sitting in front of both of you, with Yoongi and Jimin on both his sides.

“But who else? There is no one supportive enough to send me a chocolate and a freaking hot pack beside you.” You huff while cutting your broccoli. Namjoon sighs, glancing at Hoseok discreetly.

“Even though I’m honored that I’m the only one who is strong enough to be your emotional support, it’s not me, and—“

“Enough about that! Hey, how’s it going with your pen pal?” Jimin suddenly asks, a wide smile on his face. You expect Jimin to ask the question to anyone, so when you notice the table is too silent you find everyone is peering at you.

“Why are you asking me?! Ask Hoseok.”

“It was so so. A man from HR.” Hoseok nonchalantly answers. “And we only introduced ourselves last night.”

“Mine was fine! She’s a girl from procurement.” Namjoon smiles. “But yeah, we just introduced ourselves last night. Maybe I should talk to her again today.”

“I just knew he is a guy. I didn’t really know where he’s from, but he’s around my age. It was great! He was very kind, and we had fun.” You nod silently.

“Fun? You literally were laughing like a hyena at 2 in the morning. I heard it through the wall.” Namjoon snorts and you side-glare him. Namjoon’s loose lips again, what’s new. “I figure it must be your pen pal, right? What ‘fun’ were you having, Y/N?”

“You’re literally disgusting, Namjoon.”

“Hey, Jungkook! Sit here!”

You instantly look up, finding Jungkook’s eyes peering at your desk, a tray of food in his grasp. You don’t really know why, you really thought he was heading to your table—but when his eyes find yours, he immediately pauses on his step. “Ah, sorry but I am here with someone.” He thinly smiles and excuses himself.

Unable to hold yourself, you look to your back and find him sitting with the tables of girls whom you recognize is also in finance. You are not certain if it is only you, but those girls really seem to be too amazed at his presence, instantly leeching themselves to him. Even if it’s not really a strange view to you, it is difficult to hold back your scoff.

Same old, same old.

*

You are waiting in the lobby of your office for Namjoon, since you are not bringing your car with you today. He said he’ll come down soon, so you are waiting patiently—but then a pair catches your attention from the corner of your eyes. It is Jungkook and Seojoo—the one you recognize also from Finance who was also at lunch with him.

You don’t even realize your eyes are squinted at those two, along with a scowl on your face. But at the possibility of being caught, you instinctively divert your eyes and duck your head to the other side. Even still Jungkook somehow is still able to capture you and head to your side. At that you internally curse.

“Y/N, why are you here? You’re not heading home?” He asks in concern, closing to you while your eyebrows wrinkle at his so-called familiarity. What is he doing talking so assertively—does he really think you are on that basis with him?

“I’m waiting for someone.” You curtly answer, not even a shift in your expression.

“Who?”

You look at him while scrunching your eyebrows. What the hell does he think he has a right to ask you that? “No one. It’s okay, I’m going home.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go with us? Seojoo here is pooling with me—Ah, sorry I was impolite. Do you know each other?” Jungkook asks, like he is suddenly waking up that there is someone beside the two of you. Holding back your snort, you put a strict smile and offer your hand to the woman who is not even concerned to hide even a bit of her judgmental eyes at you.

“Seojoo.” She whispers which you mutter your name as a response and fuck is it awkward. You can obviously feel that Seojoo is marking his territory around Jungkook and you don’t fancy it one bit. Why does she have to feel that way towards you?

“Seojoo, you said you are going to the restroom. Aren’t you going?” Jungkook suddenly asks after your short and tense introduction. At that, Seojoo is bewildered, presumably bothered by the thought of leaving you alone with him, like you are going to eat him up right after she leaves. Fuck, what is wrong with her...

She hesitates, “I’m fine, though—”

“Hey, it’s okay. I’ll be waiting here. You can go.” Jungkook amicably says with a wide smile, and the insecure chick had no other option than to comply. After she leaves, his prodding eyes are immediately focused on you.

“Can you just say to that fling of yours that I am just a nobody? I will not steal you, damn it. If looks can kill I’ll already bleed to death right now.” You scowl in irk. But just seeing your scowl somehow brings giggles to his smile. “Why are you laughing, you dumbass?”

“You know what, if I’m that presumptuous I’d think you are jealous right now.”

You scrunch your nose, severely abhorred by his annoying big head. “But you are that presumptuous.”

“Exactly.”

Irritated, you push him by the chest until he erupts in loud laughter. “Fuck, why should I be jealous? We are literally nothing and will never be more than that—Gosh, we’re not even friends.”

“Well that’s just saddening.” He frowns while clutching on his chest even though he cannot say it’s not expected. “What are you saying, Y/N? We are more than that, we go way back and you know it.”

You hum and fake a contemplating expression. “Hmm, you’re right but I’m drawing blanks here. How did it go again?”

The wide mischievous grin on his lips dims, shifts into a thin smile. “I could not change the past, I know. But you know regardless of what happened—”

“I’m done.” Seojoo suddenly says, clings on Jungkook’s arm that it stops whatever words he is about to say and you are kind of thankful for that. “We can go now.”

Finally detecting Namjoon tapping out to the lobby in such perfect timing, you send both of the morons a lofty grin. “I should go. You guys have fun, but don’t forget a condom, okay?” You turn your gaze to flabbergasted Seojoo. “Or you know what? Maybe you should prick on it too, so then he’ll stay forever. But if I were you, I wouldn’t count on it. Good luck!”

You can sense the jaw drops at such provocative statements coming out of you, but you don’t even give an ounce of care and leave the scene. After managing to humiliate or hurt both of them, you feel good. You feel strong. However, when Namjoon is at your side and glances at you, he shouts, utterly stupefied.

“Y/N, why—why are you crying?!”

*

It’s eleven pm, you are still settled inside your blanket. You are physically tired, but still your mind is too conflicted to sleep. Half is because of your work, and the other half is caused by that freaking jerk, Jeon Jungkook.

You despise the fact that you are still thinking about him. You suppose to be hating on that guy, but even the hatred is too difficult to maintain right now with his strangely devoted and warm self. Even if it’s a hard to swallow pill, you know you’re enjoying the banter with him. God, you are fucking weak for Jungkook and you hate it.

Rolling in your bed, you try to remember the bad things he has done for you. Forgetting you, abandoning you, playing with your heart like it did not matter—but it eventually ends with the treasured moments with him you wish will never resurface again. Like the moment he holds you all night after your parents fight. Or the moment he defends your honor like it matters the most. Or the moment he first kissed you that fateful, rainy night. Everything is coming back to you now like a trainwreck.

Suddenly among your wandering thoughts, your phone rings. Heaving deeply, you pick up to detect a new message on your anonymous chatting apps. It’s snowball.

91snowball : hi hi hi hi hi what are you doing [23:02]

91snowball : are you sleeping no you cant be sleeping dont sleep on me blue [23:02]

Chuckling, you proceed to type a response.

blueberry_25 : hahaha im not sleeping [23:03]

blueberry_25 : i can’t sleep. Too much thoughts [23:03]

91snowball : care to share? I swear im a good listener [23:05]

91snowball : someone bothering you at work? let me know and ill gass ‘em up for u blue [23:05]

blueberry_25 : really? you’d do that for me?  [23:06]

91snowball : of course just tell me who it is they’ll be gone by tomorrow [23:06]

blueberry_25 : lol it’s nothing. Im just confused [23:07]

blueberry_25 : have u ever been confused about someone? Like u thought u hate them but… its hard to say you do [23:09]

You don’t even know why you just have the urge to tell a stranger about your current contemplation about Jungkook. You desperately need a third perspective on this, and maybe just telling it to someone that wouldn’t know and judge you might be a good change for once.

91snowball : why do u hate them? [23:09]

Blueberry_25 : he hurt and lied to me. when i thought there was something real, he was just in for fun and i should hate him. but why is it so hard to say so now? [23:10]

It’s true. Jungkook was someone you thought you’d love. You trust him so much that you opened up to him better than anyone else, and thought something was there. But all of it was just a lie—he was just in for the thrill. All because of his annoying male ego that made you realize he was just a patronizing jerk that used you for his own benefit and left when he’s done. He is the reason you are insecure about meeting someone new. He is the evil one.

91snowball : maybe because they changed? I know its hard to believe but people change too [23:12]

blueberry_25 : maybe… [23:14]

91snowball : what i’m saying, maybe you should give them a chance to explain? [23:15]

91snowball : but if they’re still the same, punch them and never see them again [23:16]

91snowball : you don’t want to be thinking about it forever, blue. just give the closure your heart deserves [23:17]

He is right, you desperately need closure with Jungkook so you can finally move on with your life—but even the thought scares you. A question arises inside your head that settles strangely in your chest—a question that answers why all your pain and resentment are still so vivid even after years have passed.

Closure with Jungkook scares you… Because you do not know if you’re ready to close it.

*

Another late night, but you are still sitting at your desk. All of your teams already went back, and Namjoon told you he went home an hour ago. He did offer to keep you company, but you quickly refuse, saying you’re doing alright on your own—but now you indeed start to regret your decision. You hate being alone, especially at night but you really need to finish the planning report asap for finance to check again. Seriously, these endless tasks are going to be the death of you.

“Why is this—” You furiously tap on backspace, anger rises inside your head. You have no idea why the recent planning process has too many hiccups like this. The data given to you is not tally, and you don’t even know why. There must be something wrong.

Among the stress inside your head, your eyes fall at the lilies resting on your desk and smiles. Your eyes linger on the notes stuck on it for already the nth time already today.

Here’s beautiful lilies for you. Hope you have a great day too today, Y/N!

“Hey, you are still here?”

Surprised, you abruptly look up, finding Jungkook’s concerned face at you. You release a deep breath of relief. “I thought you went home, it’s pretty late.” He continues apprehensively.

You clear your throat, suddenly finding it a bit hard to speak with the realization that it’s only the both of you on the whole level. “Yes, haven’t finished the report I need to submit. No worry, I’ll submit it soon.”

He carefully slides and sits on Hoseok’s seat beside you. “I’m okay if you submit this tomorrow. You should head back, you must be tired.”

“Nah, it’s okay. I just want to finish this tonight, head home and sleep.” You give him a short, civil smile before continuing your work. “You can go home if you want to. I’m okay.”

“I think I’d rather stay. My cousin is having ‘dinner’ with his girlfriend right now, god knows what I might go home to.” He lightly jokes, and it kinda works in entertaining you a little. You know based on your resentment to him you should curtly answer or ask him to leave, but you do know that you’d rather have someone as company right now, even though it has to be Jeon Jungkook.

“You got flowers?” He pensively asks after minutes of silence, raising his eyebrow.

You glance at him staring at the lilies at your desk. Suddenly, your throat dries and you don’t even know why. “Y-yes.”

“From who?”

“I.. I don’t know. Someone put this on my desk this morning.” You whisper, more to yourself. You hate yourself for explaining when you have the right not too, but deep down, this shameless part you are expecting Jungkook might be the one sending all these gifts. You know it makes no sense whatsoever—but involuntarily you are still foolishly hoping so. Yes, you are that delusional.

“A note too? Wow, a secret admirer. How poetic.” He sneers, then shifts his gaze back to his screen. At the obviously sarcastic tone, you scoff in irritation. What a jerk.

“You have a problem with that? What—jealous that you never have someone you truly care to give gifts to?”

He meaningfully stares at you, making it difficult to breathe. “It’s not true and you know it.”

At your befuddled expression, Jungkook sighs, not even wanting to prolong the debate. “But no. None whatsoever. I don’t care, it has nothing to do with me anyway.”

You bite your lips in evident shock and disappointment, and try your best to make the unpleasant thoughts disappear. Did he just implicitly address your past together? About the time he gave you a gift you could never forget for your whole lifetime? About the time when you foolishly thought he was someone you could give your heart to?

A few minutes passed in deep, tense silence and Jungkook is sitting beside you now, working on his own tasks. He is so focused on the screen, with his lean fingers stroking his chiseled jaw and he leans to the seat, eyebrows scrunching like something is bothering him so much. And the scar prominent on his upper left cheek is as palpable as ever, and you notice how much he has changed, but still hasn’t. Jungkook grew up really well from the last time you saw him a few years back. No wonder all the girls are flocking on him like he is a magnet or whatever.

“Hey, Y/N, get this.” Jungkook suddenly turns to you, and albeit surprised, you are trying to look as unfazed as ever—like you did not just spend minutes to admire his attractive features. Even if your face heats up at the possibility of Jungkook finding out your antics. “I see the reports from the planning and other supply chain teams are not tally. This has been going, since approximately two months ago. Do you have any idea why?”

You squint your eyes at the reports. Yes, it is the data you get from Junsu, the new-hire for your team. “I don’t really know why. I got this data from Junsu, he said he received it from the plant team.”

“I really think we should check this. I’m not sure.” Jungkook whispers, chewing on his lower lips. Another seconds of silence passes before he notices your intimidating stare on his face. “...everything okay, Y/N? Something’s bothering you? Are you tired?”

Fuck, you really spend those seconds staring at the way he chewed his lips. There must be something wrong in your head now. “No—no.. I’m just.. Yes! Yes, I’m tired. I think I need to go home.”

Jungkook nods in all seriousness while you are packing your belongings. You need to flee, fast. “Yes, you really should go home and rest. Let’s talk about this tomorrow again, hmm?”

“Yes, yes! Okay, see you tomorrow.” You hastily smile, quickly escape the room without minding his voice calling your name. Damn, you need to set your head straight. It is Jeon Jungkook you’re talking about here. You can’t be weak for him.

*

The night passess in a blink, and then the morning arrives a tad bit faster than you expect it to. Especially since you wake up to your boss' message, ordering you to come to his desk right after you arrive at the office—which means a disaster happened and you are not mentally prepared for that.

“Y/N, why the hell the sales director called and yelled at me?” Is your boss’ first sentence when you enter his room. You gulp instinctively, then move to proceed to sit because you know it won’t be over before it’s too long.

Another hour and you came out from the room looking as exhausted as ever. There is some mistake in either the planning and manufacturing side that creates untally numbers in reports between units which then escalates to the higher management. And now you have to manually check the numbers without the intervention of people and present it by tomorrow afternoon, which means you will have to go to the plant as of right now—it’s two and a half hours drive from your office.

Feeling terribly unfit to drive due to the pain in your head, you choose to get there by train—in which you spend by checking the numbers again for the first hour, but the pain in your head is getting unbearable and you decide to sleep it off. Few hours later, you finally arrive at the plant, weakly entering the office side of the plant. Upon finding a space to place your belongings, someone immediately catches your attention, finding him talking with a group of people and a stack of paper on his grasp. Are your eyes lying to you right now? Is he really here?

“...Jungkook?”

Hearing his name is called, Jungkook instinctively looks back to find your confused expression. The shock in his expression is palpable too. “Y/N? You’re here.”

“What are you doing here?”

He looks bewildered at your simple question. “I-I am talking to—to these people. Umm.. for my reports.”

Your eyebrows raised, as he should be coordinating with plant finance folks instead of your team. “But they are in supply chain.”

Jungkook is abashed, you sense it clearly. “Y-yes, I just—can we talk about this later? You can join us if you want, this might help you too.”

Decide to ignore the strange fact that he is here, you and Jungkook spend another hour talking to the manufacturing team, and then manage to get the in hand documentations of work orders. After settling inside the empty cubicle, you look at Jungkook who is already eagerly jumping into the documentations. “Hey. Are you here to help me?”

Jungkook looks at you, avoids your eyes and clears his throat. “No, of course not. Why would I? What’s in it for me? You’re talking nonsense now, Y/N.”

“But this shouldn’t be your job to go to the plant and check all the data.” You whisper, more to yourself while looking at the overwhelming stack of papers. “Why are you doing this?”

He suddenly stops, and looks at you with all seriousness painted on his eyes. “Don’t sweat on it, Y/N. Let’s just finish this and get to the bottom of it asap, okay? I am here to help.” Jungkook whispers and manages to silence your retaliation. Yes, you know you are seriously in need of help right now. Doing this alone will not be as helpful as having Jungkook with you, especially having to present the result by tomorrow afternoon—it makes no sense to do it alone.

Two months worth of documentation is a lot and overwhelming. And even after six hours working on it, you can only focus on the amount of work you still need to go through. The looming pain inside your head is not helping either.

“Hey, hey, you are pale, Y/N. What’s wrong?” Jungkook instantly stops when he detects you are unmoving, resting on your chair while closing your eyes. You yourself do not know why you are feeling so unwell today. “Hey, you haven’t eaten, right? Damn it, your blood pressure—wait here, I’ll grab you something to eat.”

Ah, that must be it. You just realized you haven’t eaten anything today beside one slice of bread in the morning. Especially with the low blood pressure, it must be taking a toll on you. But one thing that catches your attention is the fact Jungkook remembers your condition even after all these years—it settles strangely inside your chest.

In no time he is already back with a paper bag. “Here, I brought you this. Let’s eat in the pantry.” He immediately holds you by the shoulder, helping your weak legs to walk to the pantry. After ensuring you are sitting well, he opens the food box and juice and offers you the utensils. “I bought the first thing I saw, this should be good for your blood pressure. Eat.”

You nod thankfully and proceed to eat. After three spoons and a few minutes, you can finally breathe clearly. But as you see that Jungkook is just looking at you expectantly, you feel severely self-aware. “You’re not eating too?” You ask shyly.

Jungkook smiles and scratches his nape abashedly. “Sorry, ‘was so rushed that I forgot to buy one for me.”

He forgot to buy one for himself but buy this one for you? You instinctively offer him the food. “Eat this, then. We can share.”

Jungkook kindly rejects with a smile. “No, I’ll buy something else. Yours is too healthy for me.” He jokes and walks out of the pantry. Finally alone, you stare at the food in front of you, somehow frowning.  

*

“I really think we should go back.” Jungkook stubbornly says after the nth time debating whether you should stay in the office or go back to your two hours away apartment. The answer should be easy—you have to stay back since tomorrow you will be meeting another plant team. Especially since it’s already seven in the evening, and the plant is closing off soon. “But you need to rest! Stop forcing your body, you moron. You seriously can be sick because of your stubbornness, you know?”

“I’ve been through this! You should’ve seen me in college, I do this every single time. I’m good and alive now. See?”

Jungkook rolls his eyes, folding his arms to his chest. “Really? And tell me how’d it go again?”

You wince at the remembrance that you were bedrested more than you’re proud of, all because of your bad habits of staying late and overworking yourself. A question arises inside your head, but you briskly push it away. “You know Jungkook, you’re worse than my aunt, you know that?”

He giggles, showing his bunny teeth that somehow knocks the air off your chest. That heartfelt smile, you remember it like it was yesterday. “If you want, we can stay near here somewhere and continue the work. You need to sleep, and in the morning we can go back to the plant.”

“I’ll check the nearest hotel. Get ready, after this we’ll leave, okay?” He says while walking further from your desk. You bite your lips, silently nodding.

Suddenly, your phone rings. It’s Namjoon. You gasp, remembering that you haven’t let him know you are going to be away for work. “Hello, Namjoon?”

“Hey, where are you? I went to your desk two times today, thinking you had a meeting or anything. You haven’t even returned my calls or messages.” He hisses with obvious worry lacing his voice. “When will you be home?”

“Ah, I don’t think I’m going home today. I’m at the plant, have urgent work to finish so I’ll stay in a nearby hotel.”

“Is it safe? Are you okay? Do you want me to pick you up?” The worry and hurry instantly doubles the moment he heard you’ll be staying far away. You giggle, noticing how Namjoon is already too accustomed in taking care and worrying about you.

“It’s fine, you don’t need to worry. By the way, Jungkook is also here—”

“Jungkook?” He immediately cuts you, clearly confused. “The Jeon Jungkook? Your archenemy?”

“Yup.”

Two seconds of silence. “And he’ll be staying with you? In the same hotel?”

“The same hotel, yes! But not the same room. I know what you’re thinking, Namjoon, but it’s nothing—”

Namjoon tauntingly laughs that makes you totally self-conscious of your own skin. “Ah, the beautiful, old devil’s tango you both play. I have nothing to worry about, then. Tell me how it goes, okay? Bye, Y/N, remember to use protection. I’m not ready to be an uncle.”

“The fuck—”

But Namjoon is already cut off, and now you are staring harshly at your phone, your grasp is sucking the life out of your phone. Fuck Namjoon! You know you should never trust a guy who literally ruined a good pair of sunglasses he just bought. Seriously.

“I got one.” Jungkook suddenly interrupts your busy thoughts, walking to your side with a large frown in his lips. “But can you believe it? He said there is a concert near here tomorrow so all the rooms are full beside one large suite, and the other nearest hotel is like eleven kilometers away. What do you think?”

At his statement, your sight is suddenly blurry—all you can think about is fucking Namjoon and what he just said to you.

Ugh, you hate how statistics shows that he is often right, like 95% of the time...

*

Thinking you have no other choice than to get the one room left, you accept your fate that you have to be in one room with Jeon Jungkook for the rest of the night. Even if the suite only has one king-size bed, you get a compensation of a large suite that the distance you have with him may be kept well—and Jungkook agreed that he will not make any funny business on you after you ultimately warn him that you’ll be submitting charges if he even tries to.

“Y/N, I am not a sexual offender or anything. I will not do anything against your consent.” Jungkook sighs for the nth time as a reply to your threat of stabbing him with a fork. Again. “But it’s a different case if you’re willing…” You instantly send a lethal punch to the guy’s shoulder until he whimpers of pain. “What the—that hurts! I was kidding!”

“I was not kidding.” You roll your eyes, folding your arms on your chest. “This is a bad idea. I don’t even know what I should wear. I don’t want to sleep in my work clothes—and I have to be in a room with a pervert. Can’t you just sleep outside?”

He smirks while stealing glances at you. “You can always sleep naked and I won’t be complaining.”

“Fuck you.”

Jungkook greasily winks at you. “With pleasure.”

You groan in disgust. “God, you’re still the same, annoying piece of shit you were a few years back. I can’t believe this.”

“Well, you dated this piece of shit years ago, so…”

You look at him weirdly. Dated? What is he saying now.. “We were not dating. It was just a fling, you know it.”

Jungkook stares at you, with undeciphered emotions painted on his eyes. “We.. we weren’t?”

“No.”

He clears his throat, his cheeks are suddenly turning red. Your eyebrows slant at the thick air between the both of you. “Y-yes. Yes, of course it wasn’t. I was joking.” He continues with a forced laughter.

You slowly nod, clearing your throat out of sheer awkwardness. What happened between the two of you that time—it was a mere fling. It took nearly months to admit it was just that and nothing more, and now why is he here saying that it’s something more? He probably is just messing with your head, so no need to overthink whatsoever. That’s what got you inside the mess in the first place anyway.

After safely parked in the hotel lobby, you are about to walk out when Jungkook stops you. “I have a change shirt here, you can wear that to sleep. I believe there is a boutique here, so you can buy it for work tomorrow.”

He gives you a pair of clean shirt and pants, while you are only able to look at him with an unknown feeling in your chest. All these things—it feels too familiar to be true. You are unable to resist reminiscing the past. “You remember when I ran away from my house that time? I forgot to bring anything—and you lent me your shirt that time.”

Jungkook looks at you in evident shock, until a smile is suddenly formed on his lips. “Of course I remember. You were crying at that time, I was so panicked. You were wearing my shirt for like.. A full week.”

You giggle, smiling to yourself. Your parents were fighting again at that time, it was because of you. Your mother wants to take you back to Seoul, while your father wants you to stay in the states with him. You were so angry at that time, the fact that they weren’t even thinking to discuss it with you first so you fled, begging Jungkook to accompany you. That’s how you spend a full week running away with him bringing nothing to change into.

“I still can’t believe I stayed in your parent’s house for a full week without them finding out. That’s like… super mind blown.” You giggle again, remembering the time you stayed in his family house. It is undoubtedly one of the best times of your life, sneaking inside Jungkook’s house, staying in and having to spend all your days with him.

“It was crazy.” Jungkook breathes at you, smiling so wide his bunny teeth are visible. “I was so happy that time.”

Suddenly realizing how real it all gets after the unexpected nostalgia, you clear your throat trying to manage your emotions in. You really need to get your head straight. “Wow, this got mushy real quick, right? Let’s—let’s just go in.”

After a good ten minutes, you are settling inside your shared room with Jungkook. It was definitely larger than you think, so it was comforting to say the least. All because you cannot trust yourself when he’s around, and the fact that you’re starting to tolerate the guy isn’t helping either.

“I’m starting on the documentation, you take a shower first.” Jungkook mutters while settling himself on the corner of the room. You nod, and whilst getting ready with the pair of clean clothes he lent you, you catch Jungkook staring.

“What are you staring so intently at, you freak.” You snort and Jungkook chuckles while shaking his head.

“Nah, just remembered the old times. ” He smiles and suddenly you forget how to breathe. “You were so… pretty.”

Your heart literally skips a beat at how unreal everything is, but then are reminded of something that immediately makes you feel like an idiot for thinking he might mean it. “Didn’t you think like that because we just had a shower sex that time?”

Jungkook immediately blushes at your upfront mention. He most definitely did not expect that. “No, I wasn’t thinking—damn, Y/N, how can you say that!”

Rolling your eyes, your hand moves to slide the bathroom door. “Whatever, I’m going to shower now. Don’t even think about moving even a muscle from there.”

Jungkook sighs at your non-stop cautiousness, but is still unable to get that one last kick in. “You sure you can do it alone? I can help you shower, you know. ” He teases mischievously which you instantly answer by flipping him off. But you know the smile is too wide—you are enjoying this light banter too much now.

After having a very delightful bath, you walk out while drying your hair with a towel. Staying true to his words, Jungkook is seated still on the sofa, eyes not even blinking—too focused on the work in front of him. You move to his side, carefully resting your hands on his shoulder that he instinctively jumps on his seat. “Sorry to interrupt, but you should take a shower first. It must be suffocating still wearing that.”

Jungkook seems flustered, and immediately rises. “Yes, okay. I’ll be a second, then we can start. You should...rest a bit.”

Sitting on the couch he sat on, you stare at nothing in particular when your ringtone is heard. You mindlessly open your phone and find it’s Hoseok on the other side, pinging you endlessly—of course about you spending the night with Jungkook. You hiss just thinking about Namjoon literally can't keep his mouth shut, so instead, you leave him a fuck off emotion and move to open another chatting app, strangely miss chatting with your anonymous friend. Maybe you should update him about another conflict you are having right now, having been forced to be around the one you had a huge crush a few years back.

blueberry_25 : hiiiiiiiiiiii are you there? [20:15]

Right after sending the message, suddenly a ringtone is heard—it must be Jungkook’s phone. Shrugging the fact, you send another message, and Jungkook’s phone is ringing again. What is this coincidence? Why is his phone ringing at the same time you send yours?! The possibility of Jungkook being paired as your anonymous friends literally makes you dizzy beyond words, and you quickly move to grab his phone from his office bag, trying to detect if your notification is there. Fuck, fuck! If he really is your anonymous friend, you’d literally run away and sink yourself in the nearest waters. You’d rather set yourself on fire than having to spend another second around him.

Picking up his phone with your heart beating unhealthily fast, but all you see in his notification is Hoseok’s messages. You scroll slowly on his notifications, but fortunately nothing about your message is seen. You sigh deeply in reassurance. God, that was close.

Realizing how improper it is to be preying on his privacy, you clear your throat and put the phone back on the desk. Fuck, you are really shameless. But in your defense, it’s really a matter of life or death, because you have no idea whether you’d rather spend another second breathing when knowing you’ve been talking to Jungkook about Jungkook all these times. But seeing that there’s no notification, you feel slightly assured. Slightly.

Yet to think about it, he is using the basketball keychain you gave him a few years back and it makes you feel incredibly unsettled. Why is he wearing this? He changed his phone and really went through the hard work to still keep something he hated the first time receiving? You even thought he threw the keychain away after receiving it.

“Hey, what are you looking at?”

At the sudden low minister you look up in surprise, seeing Jungkook walking out of the shower, still with wet hair, wearing a white shirt and a pair of shorts that looks really comfortable, but not really for you as a silent bystander. Fuck Jungkook and his incredible charm!

“Is it my phone?” Jungkook asks, eyebrows scrunched.

Suddenly realizing that you are cornered by his great smell, you are stuttering to even let out an answer. “I’m-i’m sorry! Your phone rang and I thought it was something important, and—”

“You shouldn’t check my phone, really.”

Remembering how Jungkook hated to have anyone messing with his privacy, you wince internally and prepare for his wrath. “I’m sorry, I didn’t see anything, I swear.”

At your regretful gesture, Jungkook sighs and rests himself on the space beside you. “It’s okay. Just.. just don’t do it again. I don’t want you to be shocked to see what’s in there.”

Seeing an opportunity now that he has relaxed a bit, you push him by the shoulder with your own with a mischievous smile. “It’s okay, I’ve seen your porn collection. Nothing will really shock me at this point.”

Waiting for Jungkook to respond to your laughter, but instead you only find him gazes at you with indiciphered emotions. “Why? Is there anything wrong?”

“No, It’s.. it’s just weird. Actually the first time you acknowledge our past without wanting to rip my head off my body.”

At that, you find your gaze falling back to the basketball keychain on his phone. “You’re using that lame ass keychain you hated so much now?”

You remember that time you went to an old market with your friends the morning of your third date with Jungkook, seeing a cute basketball chain and you instantly remembered how much Jungkook always wanted to play basketball even if he was in a football team, so you bought that keychain for him. He begrudgingly received it with so much complaints, about how he didn’t like any accessories for his phone, or how he literally played football, or how it didn’t match his fashion concept, and you haven’t even seen him use it… until now.

“Yup. I have been using it since… you left actually.” Jungkook looks down to his phone, and you look at him with a contorted face.

“Why?”

Jungkook looks at you, staying silent for a good ten seconds while you bite your lips, wondering if you are ready to hear whatever he’ll say—cause any scenario playing in your head is just a trainwreck of mess after mess—until he answers with a heavy sigh of distress. “I’ll answer that later. Let’s just.. Work now.”

Silently thankful that he decides not to answer your pointless question, you agree and proceed with work. It is not exceptionally hard to focus on your work when the deadline is just around the corner, and you are thankful Jungkook is very helpful and kind with everything. But after a few hours spent working, from the corner of your eyes Jungkook is massaging his sore neck with contorted face. You know why—he severely strained his neck muscle during a practice a few years back, and will always feel pain whenever he is overworking himself, like he is right now.

“Hey, you should take a rest.” You tap his shoulders with worried gaze. “Your neck must be killing you right now. I can continue, there’s just a few of these left.”

Jungkook really wants to refuse your mindful offering, but the pain is disagreeing with him. So albeit half-heartedly, he moves to rest on the bed. “Laying on the bed would only worsen the pain, though..” You whisper to yourself, somehow still vividly remember everything.

“You want me to massage you?”

Jungkook looks at you in surprise. “Are you serious?”

You are fumbling with the hem of Jungkook’s shirt you wear and hesitantly nod. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself… Because… you’re my ride tomorrow to Seoul! We really need to get back right after, so—”

Jungkook nods with a thin smile, and you decide to shut up and just move closer to his side with a bottle of baby oil from your bag. After smearing a few drops on his neck, you proceed to move your fingers to give slight pressure around his neck—just the way you remember it.

“Now I know why you still smell like that. You’re still using that baby oil.” He hums in delight and you inevitably smile. The fact that he still remembers sends warmth to your chest.

After spending a good ten minutes massaging his upper neck, you notice that the neck area of his t-shirt is wet with the oil. “Ah, your shirt..”

“It’s okay. Are you done?”

You bit your lip. Not really, you know by the look of it the pain is still far from being off, but you don’t know what you should do. The convenient way is to have Jungkook out of his shirt, but then you’d literally be out of your mind. You most certainly do not have the capacity to do with a shirtless Jungkook, right on such a closed space, especially on a bed. Even thinking about it makes you feel rightfully ridiculous.

“You’re still in pain, though…”

“Ah, this is okay.” Jungkook gives you a comforting smile, trying to move his head, “I’m now as good as—Ow!”

Now you don’t even know how can that man survive another day being this careless. He is moving his head excessively only to prove his lies and end up with more pain. Really Jungkook-like. Sighing, you pull on his shirt. “Take off your shirt, you moron. I’ll massage you.”

At your bold statement, Jungkook literally shivers on your grasp. “No, It’s all well. You don’t need to—”

Greatly unimpressed, you warn him not to reason with your request and just by your stare, he begrudgingly complies. “But don’t laugh. I haven’t been working out recently, super swamped at work so if you just laugh, even a little, I’ll leave you here to take the bus alone to Seoul tomorrow.”

Giggling at his pouts, Jungkook moves to open his shirt and instantly lay on his stomach on the bed. “Don’t see it!”

“Why! Are you shy at me now? You literally used every chance to be shirtless back then.” You chuckle and mischievously poke him around the waist with your forefinger. “Why are you shy? You six pack no more?”

Jungkook buries his head on the pillow, while you still proceed to poke him repetitiously with your fingers. “Stop it!” He groans yet you disregard it without any further thoughts.

“You’re nooo fun! Don’t be shy Kookie, even if you’re bloated, I—Ah!”

Jungkook growls at your constant bother, and spends no other second to pull you around to secure you around his grasp, bare chest just a breath away from yours.

“Are you seriously going to do this now? Don’t you know how crazy I was just to be around you for the night?”

At his deep stare prodding at the depth of your minds, you feel terribly heated. “What-what are you saying..”

“Are you seriously not seeing this, Y/N?” He slowly breathes. “It’s hard. To be around you again, and trying to hold myself from thinking about what could have happened with us.” Is he seriously addressing what happened with your relationship before?

“What?”

“You asked why I still use that keychain you gave? You really wonder why?” He asks in unpredicted determination that it terrifies you. “It’s because what we had meant that much. You, me, us—we were so happy. Or at least, I was.”

Like it’s not surprising enough, he is apparently not done. “Being with you, I’d never trade that for anything. I was doubtful it even happened—you left so quickly and I need a reminder that it did happen. We happened.”

Realizing that he indeed is going to unveil anything that happened in your past, you weakly push him away, trying to create a safe distance in between. But of course it’s no match with his unbelievable strength. “Jungkook...”

“I know I was a jerk, Y/N. I was childish, foolish, I was an idiot and I did not think about your feelings. I did not consider that you must’ve had a reason to leave the country, we were fighting like crazy, but—I would’ve understood if I had known the reason, you know? And I start to wonder about the what ifs, will everything be different with you and me?”

You look up to him gloomily, the pain in your chest is unbearable now that he is opening up the past. You remember everything like it was yesterday—how infatuated you were with each other, how beautiful was the time of being in such love with him, how heartbroken you were to find out you had to follow your mother after the divorce and go back to Seoul, and how instead of clearly stating why, you and Jungkook had a huge fight that literally lasts for years and until now.

The sadness momentarily engulfs you, that you instinctively respond to the sentence you’ve been repeating to yourself these whole time. “Well then, maybe we are just not meant to be.”

Jungkook glares at you, not liking a bit that you had to pull that card with him. “Don’t you fucking say that. What we had meant that much to me, and I loved you so much, Y/N. Why can’t we just—” You know it was a past tense, he said he loved you. But why does that hurt? Unexpectedly a thought crosses your mind, and you speak faster than you think.

“Jungkook, what happened with that girl?”

His eyebrows scrunch in confusion. “What girl?”

You look down, unable to see him right in his beautiful, doe eyes.“That finance girl—the one coming home with you when clearly taxi exists—what happened that night?”

Jungkook clears his throat, finally getting what you’re saying. “Ah, her. No, I had Jimin take her home that night.”

“Why?”

Jungkook bite his lips, it’s obvious that he is conflicted to answer. Ten seconds pass until he finally opens his voice to answer. “Because she was talking shit about you, and I don’t like it.”

“You what? Seriously?!” Are you hearing correctly? Jungkook seriously abandoned all his mighty ways with girls just because someone is talking shit about you? “It’s inevitable, and you know I don’t give a shit what she thinks about me. You don’t have to do that—I can’t believe this.”

“Y/N, don’t overthink it. Even if we are off to a rocky start and you might hate me, you’re still my friend. I won’t let anyone talk shit about my friends, especially you.”

The way he speaks, it is full of sincerity and succeeds in melting your whole being. The way he cares about you, you hate to admit that you still like it too much. You can’t believe that you are still this reactive for anything regarding him.

Another seconds of comfortable silence passes and somehow, you get comfortable just laying there with him. Even your heartbeat is too fast for your likings, yet the familiarity is what keeps you on spot. You start reminiscing those beautiful times when it’s just you and him, the feelings you get whenever he looks at you like this—it feels amazing.

“What happens to your mother? Is she okay now?” Jungkook carefully asks, like he is testing the water. His palms are soft on your back, featherly soothing it with his whole deliberation.

You hum with a faint nod. “Yup, she is recovering well. My aunt and grandma are also very helpful with the therapy, so...yes. How did you know, by the way?”

“Well, after you left I… I just got around with your friend. She actually explains your condition and.. then I try to dig around for you as well. I found your social media and really wanted to message you, but.. Yeah, I never got to.”

What Jungkook does not explain is how much time he spends on his phone, typing and retyping his words to send you, but never got the courage to. After knowing what happened to you and your family—especially about your mother’s illness, he felt overwhelmingly guilty beyond words. He took it on you, taking all his disappointment for the false information he made for himself, without thinking what you might have felt. He deserved it, he deserves everything that happened to him. Being miserable, chased with the guilt feeling rooting on his back, it might be just the right price he must pay for letting you down, disappointing you the way he did.

“I am sorry, Y/N. If I can take back what I said, I would. In a heartbeat.” He whispers and you understand how much he means it. At that time, it’s even difficult to think he is still the same Jungkook who hurted you back then. He changes so much, and hopefully for the better.

“What about you? Everything is good back in the states?” You ask, resting your palm on his bare arm and you can sense how Jungkook is tense, but instantly relaxes after your hand is safely settled. “Your family is still there?”

“Yup. Family is there, only me here.”

You hum, fidgeting your fingers resting on his arm. You really want to ask one question that has been running in your mind since four months ago.“If I ask why you moved to Seoul, would you answer honestly? Like.. I know what you said to your peer, about the great offer whatsoever, but… there must be something else, right? There’s literally no good reason why you should move to somewhere new and not even lots of people you know here..”

Jungkook gives you a thin smile. “I.. I just needed a fresh start. My life there, everything that’s been going on with my family, my friends were too… exhausting. I just—I wanted to see how far I could go on my own.”

“Something happened with your family?” You curiously asks, suddenly curious about his last statement. You know how ruthless his father was with his ambitions for his only son, directly lining him up for the best school in the states and already planning all his future for him, including entering one of the most sought up corporate as well.

“Yup. You know, I don’t hate his plans. What I dislike is the way he single-handedly does everything for me. It was so stressful.” Jungkook whispers, more to himself. “He wants me to go Investment Banking, but I don’t want that. He promises that he can make me in Forbes list, or whatever it was he said, but I don’t want that too.”

“So I planned on moving out of the city, but I don’t know where or how. Then the idea to go back to Seoul arised. Something happened—the decision time was quite short. What turns out to be a joke turns into a serious option. Having dual citizenship really eases my access back to Korea, and my grandparents and cousins are also here so.. Yeah. That’s about it.”

You nod in understanding, cause everything he said seems plausible. But one thing still doesn’t settle right. “But.. why my company? You know I’ve been working here for a while now, right? It’s like… too much of a coincidence it scares me.”

“If I say it’s all the grand plan of the universe, will you believe me?” He lightly jokes, eyes turning into crescent moons. You roll your eyes, but nevertheless giggle.

“I think that’s enough for now. You must be sleepy, Y/N. Go to sleep, in a few hours  we still need to head back to the plant and directly go back to Seoul. Okay?”

You are expecting Jungkook to move away and leave you to sleep on the bed, but he is still there, holding you close, and you are not complaining at all. You are conscious that he is waiting for you to shoo him away, but you’d not even dare to do it. Cause being with him again, his large palm caressing your back, his breath tickling your face, everything seems like a very vague, far dream.

Another twenty minutes and you are already far too deep in slumber, Jungkook smiles at your sleeping face. You seem so at peace, and he is loving every second just laying here with you.

But the rest of work ain’t gonna fix itself, so he is still groaning, and wakes up and moves back to the sofa. Getting a canned coffee from his duffle bag, Jungkook quickly gulps an adequate amount until he is sure he won’t be sleeping for a while now. Trying to relax his strained neck, his finger moves back to the laptop in front of him.

“Let’s finish this once and for all, shall we?”

*

Due to staying up until three in the morning, Jungkook wakes up around nine to a cup of coffee in the kettle, along with a thank you note for finishing the rest of the work and promises you’d do anything he asks in return. You also permit yourself for going to the plant first. At that, a slight disappointment arises inside his chest and he doesn’t even know why. Jungkook heaves a deep breath, waking up and directly going straight to the shower.

Not even thirty minutes later, Jungkook is already parked on the plant, walking inside to the office side where he expects you will be. But he is met with disappointment, because you’re not there—not even your belongings are in sight.

At once, he feels terribly anxious. What happened to you? Where could you be? He tries dialing your number, but is met with no answer. When one of the supply chain teams he was talking to yesterday is walking beside him, he stops her right away. “Hey… Did you see Y/N? Was she here?”

“Y-yes. She is currently meeting with the team leader.” She mutters nervously, especially with Jungkook’s hardened stare prodding at her.

“Team leader? Where?”

“They’re meeting downstairs, probably in the cafe? I don’t really know..”

Finally self-conscious about how freaky he has been, Jungkook quickly mutters his thank you and descends to the elevator. Team leader? He doesn’t know why he feels terribly on the edge with the fact she is meeting the team leader. Probably due to something he heard yesterday…

“Y/N, you’re disappointed, right? The team leader is in the plant right now since there's a production problem. Tell me, you actually wanted to see him, right?”

That was that a fellow supply chain team was whispering to you during the discussion yesterday, which you answered with a lousy no. It did not settle right with him and now he is proven right. Who is this team leader, actually?

While in the elevator, he swiftly reaches for his work phone, trying to find a certain supply chain team leader. He squints his name, finding a name that certainly is not too strange if he thinks about it...

Kim Taehyung.. When did he hear this name before?

*

“I told you I can pick you up from the hotel and then we can get a proper breakfast. Why are we even meeting at this lousy, overpriced office cafe.” Taehyung fizzles with a deep pout while cutting the maple syrup pancake he ordered. You thinly smile, stirring the cup of chamomile tea on your grasp. It’s certainly strange to be in the exact situation with him as it was during your college days.

“It’s okay, I can’t stay long anyway. I just got a few things clarified from your team and I’ll be on my way back to the headquarters.”

“Really? That fast?” The pout on his lips deepens. “If I know you are going to leave so soon, we should’ve done something last night. I don’t even understand why you checked in a hotel instead of staying with me. It’s way cheaper and easier, you know?”

“Taehyung, you know I can’t do that…” You warn him, feeling cautious of the overly familiar sense between the two of you. It is dangerous, and you don’t want to ruin everything with you and him. Again. You will not foolishly repeat history.

Noticing how tense the air has become after your last sentence, he suddenly leans his palm over yours, eyes filled with regret. “Y/N, please don’t be like this. We are friends before anything else. What happened, it was in the past. I don’t want to lose you like this.”

The irony of hearing that too many times now literally put a painful grin in your lips. Why the fuck men keeps on saying that to you these days? Fucking annoying.

“I get it. We are friends. So please keep the line, Taehyung. I don’t want to lose you as a friend like this too.”

Realizing that not even a hint of mirth on your face, he realizes that he indeed has crossed the line. Taehyung immediately pulls his hand away, clasping it on his lap. “I am sorry.”

“It’s okay. But can we talk about work, now?” You sigh in distress. You know by the look of it, Taehyung has millions of words he wants to say, but you don’t want to hear it. You just had enough with all the drama.

Taehyung was your friend. Your first friend in Seoul. Your first friend in university. Your best friend. At that time, he helped you a lot with adapting to the new environment. He helped you with every part of your life, your study, your family, everything. He was the son your mother never had—you were that close to him. At the beginning, regardless of what people said that the both of you would end up being in love with each other, it was easy to disregard it with a simple laugh. Because Taehyung had a girlfriend back in his hometown. Because you were busy with working part-time to make a living, and love was your last priority.

4 years being in a platonic relationship was easy when it’s with him. You graduated together, sealed with a picture of Taehyung kissing your cheek in front of your alma mater hanging on your living room’s wall, you never knew something indeed has changed with you and him. Not until one night he confesses he wants to try something more serious with you, for you to seriously consider him as a boyfriend. And as easy as it was, you agreed. Because in all sincereness, you knew you’d do anything for him, and even if you wanted to be with someone, it just had to be him.

Having the same dream, both of you applied for the same company, and were accepted in the same team. You were working alongside him, and seriously could not be happier. Day by day, you start to gain feelings for him, and it was as easy as expected—because he was a very great guy, everything you wished him to be. Until one day, an email arrives in your personal inbox, filled with cursive words accusing you were the one Taehyung was cheating with. From his ex-girlfriend.

At that time, you directly confronted Taehyung for an explanation. And you found out that before graduation, he measly broke up with the girl through a freaking message and blocked every contact with her right after. And when you thought everything couldn't go worse, more digging led you to find out that he broke up only after you agreed to try something serious with him.

You were heartbroken. Even if you knew that in his defense, he thought that nothing was going to work with his ex-girlfriend for way before they broke up, but it did not justify anything that he did for her, or for you. You expected more of him, and were excessively disappointed. And even when you tried to forget it and move on like what it was before, you can’t shake the feeling of betrayal. That’s why you decided to call it off.

Taehyung was disappointed in your easy choice of way out, it was as clear that both of you are not on the same page with everything. Knowing that both of you couldn’t just disregard everything and keep on being professional at work, Taehyung directly applied after an opening for a plant team was announced—and in no time he left. Just like that.

“Hey, are you okay? Y/N, don’t be like this. I won’t talk about it again—let’s just talk about work. Okay?” Taehyung asks in worry at your deep and long silence. You dubiously nod, realizing that you cannot keep on being like this. That’s why you reach out for your laptop, intending to start on questions for your report.

“So, is your mother okay now?” Taehyung asks, and you know he is sincerely curious instead of making small talks. You kind of understand though, since your mother saw him nearly everyday as he was practically glued to your side.

“She is doing much better now. And she asked about you too, you know.”

Taehyung immediately smiles at that. “Yeah, of course I know. I was literally the best child she could ever have, since her daughter was busier than the president himself.”

You roll your eyes but still chuckle at the remembrance. “Shut up. I was working! And you know, you are the weird one. You kept on hanging out in my house, even without me. My aunt and grandma were literally in love with you.”

“Yeah, they were so kind and lovely. How could I not miss them.” Taehyung smiles more to himself. You can detect how sincere he is, and the guilt is slightly eating you up. If you weren’t such a selfish person, maybe everything would be different. Maybe you and him would be different.

“Then come again to my house. I’m still in my apartment, but I come back to my house once or twice each month. You know my family house is closer to the plant than the headquarters. You should come with me.”

You know that Taehyung seems to be at shock at your unexpected invites—as you too were shocked—but he instantly forms his signature boxy smile and nods in agreement before you could change your mind. “I would love to.”

Suddenly, a ruckus was heard directed from the door. You instinctively turn to the source of the sound, and unexpectedly find Jungkook marching to your side. You immediately stand from your seat, somehow anxious over the fact that you left him in the hotel with only a lousy note to excuse yourself. And probably, the fact that Taehyung is here too.

“Jungkook? Why are you here?”

Jungkook looks at you, then at Taehyung, then at you again, implicitly showing how bewildered he is. “Ah, it’s nothing. I just.. I just want to check where you are. You left so quick from the hotel, so—”

Taehyung immediately stands up from his seat, staring at you while squinting his eyes. “Hotel? He is staying with you, Y/N?! That’s dangerous, why are you—don’t tell me.. You’re not staying in the same room, right?”

Jungkook’s eyebrows scrunched, disliking the fact that Taehyung looks really bothered at the fact that you are staying with him. “So what if we are? Do you have a problem with that?”

You bite your lower lips in distress at both of the guys who look like they are ready to have the showdown of their lives. Fuck, why does this have to happen now?!

*

If you had any thoughts that Taehyung and Jungkook will be fighting because of you, you were surely an idiot—because right now it’s like you literally don't even exist. Both of those idiots are too busy playing phone games as teams while laughing like maniacs, while you are busy trying to finish all your work before having to rush to Seoul in an hour. Yes, you don’t really have anything left for them to work on, but… it feels difficult when you don’t even understand what they are doing with their damn phones.

“Taehyung, what the hell… you can’t fucking shoot! He was literally in front of you!” Jungkook groans at his phone, then Taehyung kicks him on the shin until the younger guy hiss in pain. You roll your eyes, fucking child they were.

“Jungkook, let’s go. We need to head back to Seoul.”

“Why?! There’s another hour! There’s no need to rush, you know.” Jungkook pleads, yet not even looking at you. Since Taehyung steals a glance at you, he immediately notices you are not in a mood for a joke. At all.

“Five minutes. This will be finished, okay? You can get ready, Y/N.” Taehyung replies calmly and even with deep resentment, you still comply and pack up your belongings.

Just another thirty seconds and Taehyung is cursing before throwing his phone back at the table. “Fuck, I’m dead.”

“That’s because you suck.” Jungkook mocks playfully, and Taehyung rolls his eyes at the childish remarks. Taehyung turns to you scrolling on your phone, looking as unbothered as ever—even if he knows how irritated you are right now. That’s probably on how much he understands you.

“Hey, Y/N. When can we meet your mom?”

Jungkook suddenly chokes on air at that unforeseen statement. What the fuck did he just hear? Why is Taehyung meeting your mother?

Only sending Jungkook weirded out stares, you turn to Taehyung. “I’m planning on going back tomorrow, as I haven’t gone back for weeks. You want to come with me?”

“Sure, that’d be great.” Taehyung nods, literally insensitive to Jungkook’s hazy state as more information comes in.

“Okay, should we meet directly at my mother’s?”

“No, I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning. I’m going back to Seoul tonight for a drink with Jimin, Yoongi and Hobi.”

“Ah, drunkard night. Must be fun.” You sarcastically joke and Taehyung is unable to deny as he giggles. Meanwhile on the other side Jungkook’s sight is literally shaking, probably to the current state he is in. Fucking pathetic is what he is.

“So, did you receive my flowers this morning?”

Your mouth and eyes are forming a full circle, remembering the gifts resting on your desk nearly every morning from last week. “That was you?!”

“Yes.” He giggles with reddening cheeks which literally sends flutters inside your chest. Not even once you thought Taehyung would be the one behind those thoughtful gifts. “I just want to give it to you. I hope it’s not a bother.”

“It’s not, but you shouldn’t have…” You suddenly feel guilty for not realizing it any sooner. Of course it’s him, who would be? But by the fact how bad your vague relationship ended nearly a year ago, it’s hard to imagine him being the one sending those.

“I want to! Don’t be like that, you know I’d do anything for you.”

Abruptly the sound of chair feet against the floor is heard as Jungkook stands up. He looks at you with an undeciphered smile, yet you literally can’t even look him straight in the eyes. God, you don’t want everything to be like this in the first place. “Let’s go, Y/N. I’m done.”

“Good. You should go, the traffic can be bad.” Taehyung nods in understanding, insensitive to Jungkook’s killing aura that you literally are on the edge of. He quickly walks out of the room without even a goodbye, and you nervously look back at Taehyung again.

“Taehyung, I’ll go now.”

In a blink, you find Taehyung is now hugging you closely inside his arms. It doesn’t last long though—and you literally don’t know what to feel about that. Your feelings are too complicated.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Be safe.”

You hum and directly walk out, not even seeing Jungkook right on the door. Slightly panicked, You walk outside to the elevator and he is there, hands buried in his pocket, his jaw clenched and eyes that literally screams fire. Everything literally makes you dizzy.

God, you don’t really know how you’d make it a few hours being with him...

And fuck were you right, because after thirty minutes settling inside his car on the way to Seoul, there’s no sound beside the radio between the two of you. The air was so tense like you can slice it and choke it down your throat, and probably it would be better rather than having to face Jungkook’s expected silence at you.

“Jungkook, it’s been half an hour. Are you going to ignore me like this?”

Jungkook sighs, but still not sparing you even a glance. “What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to talk to me.”

“Then talk. No one is stopping you.” He irks.

“But I want to talk to you without that scary face you are having right now.”

“Y/N, I don’t want to be like this. Please let me be angry in peace.” He finally looks at you with a hint of sadness on his eyes. “I don’t want to say anything I’d regret.”

Another five minutes of silence until you decide to speak out your mind. “Do you want to know what happened with me and Taehyung?” You carefully ask, he looks at you and lets out a sarcastic laugh.

“Why do you think I want to know that?”

At the bluntness, you feel completely ashamed of yourself for thinking and assuming way beyond you should. You duck your head in shame. “Sorry.”

Jungkook then realizes he has been too far with his angry game, and instantly reaches out to you in regret. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean that.”

But it’s too late because you are already crying and you don’t even know why. You’re usually not this much of a crybaby. “Fuck, you are really that self centered, you know? How can you say that? Is it too wrong for me to assume that whatever the fuck you are angry about is because of me and Taehyung?”

Jungkook locks his hand with you, and even if you are struggling to let your hands go, you are still too weak compared to him. “I’m sorry. I was angry at myself, Y/N. I was angry because I know you don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve my nonsensical wrath. I was too selfish, I’m sorry.”

“You are.”

“I am.”

“You fucking are.”

“I am. So please accept my apology, hmm?”

Another thirty minutes of sulking, while Jungkook doesn't even say another word and only moves to massage through your hands. You know how apologetic he was, and he probably doesn’t mean it as well. And since you know that your wrath is already dissipating, you proceed with your story, not even caring whether Jungkook wants to listen or not.

So you go through everything. Every single detail about what happened with you and Taehyung. And it would be a lie to say that it doesn’t affect Jungkook even a little bit, because seeing your gleaming eyes and your voice telling every word about your relationship with him, Jungkook knows how important he is to you, and how much of the past you have together with him written on the pages of your lives. The relationship you have with him, lasts a whole four years and even more. How can he even consider to compete with that?

And one question does bother his mind. Do you still love him?

But no. He is not taking that risk. He doesn’t want to break down now. So he lets out a statement that somehow, even with the huge consideration, still succeeds in killing all will inside his body.

“He was really special, right?” Jungkook asks as a past tense.

You look down to your lap.

“Yes, he really is.”

*

You are already settling inside your blanket, ready to drift off to sleep yet your mind is wide awake. Everything is so overwhelming lately, you don’t even know what to do with yourself. Everything about Taehyung and Jungkook is more than confusing, and you really don’t like yourself right now.

“Argh!” Just when you are kicking the blanket off your legs, suddenly a loud knock is head on your front door. Who could it be? Is it Namjoon? But you are a bit uncertain it is him, since Namjoon does not usually come home this early on a Friday night. Damn it, you really need another activity other than waiting for him to come home like a sad sexless innkeeper.

Another boom on your door and you rush to open it. “Wait!”

But instead of the face of drunk Namjoon on your door, you find Jungkook’s instead. And it could be the last person you expect to be standing in front of your door right now, with a bottle of wine and a pack of cheese.

“Jungkook, what are you doing here?”

He shyly scratches his nape. “Ah, actually I was drinking with my cousin and his girlfriend so I steered clear to give them space and went to your apartment instead. Sorry to disturb you. Were you going to sleep?”

“Was going to, but I can’t sleep.” You answer truthfully, looking back at him. Jungkook is only wearing a black t-shirt with loose pants, his hair is messily tousled yet irritatingly still looks very breathtaking to you, his lips are eye-catchingly shimmering—a habit he adopted from you to deal with dry lips. You immediately feel self-conscious about what you were, an old night dress that doesn’t really do anything except making you feel comfy to sleep.

“Can I come in?” He vigilantly asks after a few minutes of odd silence. You instinctively scoot out of his way and let him walk inside your fortress.

“Your apartment is nice.” He compliments, resting the wine and cheese on the table to walk around the apartment, through the photos and embellishment. “Very cozy. And everything here screams you.”

“Thanks. High chance that’s the reason why Namjoon is very, very vigilant about bringing women back to this apartment, I think.” You joke and giggle, even though your head is filled with anxiety of the fact that Jungkook is visiting your apartment at ten pm. The last time he visited you around this time you couldn’t walk the next morning, so… yeah, you feel entitled to be nervous.

“Let me get the glasses and bottle opener.” You stutter, abruptly walking to your compartment. You let out a few deep breaths, trying to assemble your head straight once again. Fuck, why can’t you just speak like a normal person? It’s just Jungkook for god sake, and he’ll only be here for a drink—probably to celebrate the result of your presentation this evening to the boards. And then he’ll be gone, and you’ll go to sleep. Yet you somehow doubt it.

Walking back, you find Jungkook is settled on your couch, his eyes are looking at the bottle of wine on the table, yet you know those stares are too far and empty. It’s proven with how he is startled when you soundly occupy the seat beside him.

“You okay?”

He glances at you and his lips turn into a thin curve. “I am. Sorry, I was zooming out.”

“It’s fine, but sure you're okay?”

The smile widens until it shows his extraordinary bunny teeth, his palm hovering around your arm. “I am good, but can be better after a glass of this wine. Don’t worry about me now.”

In a short while, a glass of wine is already served on your grasp, while Jungkook is busy picking songs to play on your bluetooth speaker. Right when a smooth violin sound is heard, you reluctantly open up a conversation.

“Thank you.” You lower down your gaze to your fidgeting fingers. “For everything. You literally saved my ass from even getting denounced from my position. I still can’t believe everything could be so messed up.”

“I know it must have been difficult—with Junsu now investigated for supplier fraud.” He whispers slowly. You knew that all the untally reports and data are from Junsu, and now he is being investigated for fraud. It could have been worse, since in the beginning it was you whom the board suspected—since you are the one creating the report—but as what you and Jungkook has proved after going back to plant and going through all the documentation, the lead is now on Junsu.

“Hey. You don’t need to worry. If he’s not doing it, it would be proven.” Jungkook rests his palm over yours, squeezing it a little after seeing the contorts on your face. He is able to easily read how perturbed you are right now with the fact that your teammate is indeed in trouble.

“Yes, you’re right.” You nod after taking a few deep breaths, sipping the tasteful liquid down your throat to subside your anxiety. “I’m fine. I’m fine.”

But even still, Jungkook knows it is not effectively working. You are still in possession of the habit he found whenever something deeply bothers your mind. He identified it during your presentation this evening, or the night you ran away after your parents quarreled, even the day both of you were pugnaciously fighting and ended with separation a few years ago.

“Hey.” Jungkook envelopes your quivering fingers and pulls you closer to him, hand buried in your hair. “Please don’t worry. I don’t—I feel terrible when you’re sad.”

And then it was silence. All you can feel is Jungkook’s warmth all over your body, his arm around your shoulder, your head leaning on his shoulder, while your mind is in haze, wandering far, far away. Then you broke off the silence with something that has indeed been bothering you a lot.

“I don’t know since when, but I’m getting weaker every time.”

Jungkook hum as a notion for you to continue. “They say.. They say we should be stronger as we’re getting old. But it’s not for me.” You whisper weakly, holding your fingers together to stop it from quivering. “I hate it. I hate everyday I have to wake up, walking purposelessly. I hate feeling insecure. I hate not knowing where I should go in the long run. I am living, only for the day to pass by. And it’s killing me, that whenever something comes up in my way, I feel.. I feel weak. I’d dry my tears, then spend all the time doubting why I should go through all this pain, but I don’t know any other way.”

You feel every word comes out, Jungkook’s hold around you is tighter. And you’d be crazy not to lean back your every worry to him. “Hey, I understand what you feel. And I think it is a phase in life when we need to rethink everything and start chasing things that make us happy, and let go of the things that are holding us back. Life is about the journey, not a mere destination. No need to rush in anything, hmm?”

You reluctantly nod, agreeing to what he said. What’s inside your head now is only to make lots of money that can sustain your mother’s treatment and family’s lives, and that’s about it. And you love them to death, but you know you don’t want to do this in the long run. Even the sense of accomplishment doesn’t exactly make you happy anymore, and it’s mentally tiring as fuck to be doing something you know that is extracting you from everything you used to love about life. You’re practically a zombie now, with no sense of directions.

“Have you ever felt this way before? Like.. Helpless. And no matter how you think that you should do something about it, you can’t because you’re fucking scared?”

At that, Jungkook smiles and pecks the top of your head. His heart clenched at what you just said, cause that's exactly what he felt before he did something about it. “Yes. I felt that when I was in the States. I was helpless, visionless, and… day goes by only with me taking it for granted, letting myself think that I will never change and I should just suck it in. What they say, I have a great, wealthy family and all—I should be thankful. And that’s also what my father said to me.”

“At one point, I knew I felt humiliated. All I had was given to me, I just had to the bare minimum, and boom—I got it. I knew if I just went with it yet again, I’d go crazy. My father will put me at a gunpoint for what I gained, but I was scared since I was too comfortable.”

You look up to him, feeling the urge to give him comfort somehow. You do realize how contorted Jungkook’s face is now, he is literally so upset that it makes you feel horrible. “I had a fight with my father, as he forced me to move from the small startup I built with my friends to join his partner’s company in Investment Banking. When I rejected, he took a different approach and convinced my friend to cut me off the team. I confronted my father, and it was literally the greatest fight I had with him. Then the plan I purposelessly created became true. I fled to Korea.”

“So..” You whisper, looking down and clear your throat. “Are you still in contact with them?”

“My mother, yes. My father, no.”

“You must be missing them.” You whisper low while caressing his side. “But.. is it worth it? Are you happy now?”

He grins. “It’s worth it, of course—but not yet. But I’m getting there, I think.”

“The more I think about it, being happy is non-negotiable.” You whisper, more to yourself. Before it was just a far dream, but when Jungkook is here beside you to listen, it’s already a true-hearted promise. “And when I get that chance, I will surely prioritize it. At all cost.”

Another twenty minutes of silence just enjoying each other’s warmth, Jungkook’s whine is heard. “Can’t you hug me?”

You mindlessly glance at Jungkook who is now intensely staring you back. But seeing your noticeable confusion, he rolls his eyes and puts your arm around his waist. The blush is inevitable, you are literally holding him with no distance whatsoever. If you just straighten your head, your lips will be locking into his and you’ll lose your breath that easily. Your heart is too fast for your liking, but truth to be told, you wouldn’t trade this moment with him for anything else.

“Did you remember, we literally did this.” Jungkook chuckles, stroking your hair in somehow a very affectionate way. “That time, during the party and you force me to take you in after your parent’s fight. We were back to my room, and then we just hugged it out and you told me everything that happened.”

You nod with a distant smile, remembering how you literally came crying when Jungkook was in the middle of a beer pong with his friends, but he didn’t even wait another minute in complying to your request, seeing how hysterical you were. “Yes. I remembered how after we watched Bruce Almighty. It’s freaking nuts.”

“Let’s watch it again.” He giggles after refilling the glass for wine. “For old time sakes.”

The next five minutes you are scrolling down your netflix, Jungkook is contemplating whether he should ask the question that has been bothering his mind. The alcohol on his spine did help though—it is easier to just go with what he wants to say regardless of the rationality his mind would stop him.

“So tomorrow, you’d be with Taehyung? To your mother’s house?”

Indifferently nodding, you click on the movie. “My mother has been asking a lot about him, and I just reasoned that he moved away and was busy. I don’t want to let her know we’re not… close anymore.”

“Taehyung is actually that important, huh?” Jungkook asks, staring down to his drinks. The fact predictably settles strangely inside his chest, and it is fucking suffocating that he knows he has nothing and no one to blame but himself for feeling this way. “Understandable, though. Four years—I wouldn’t say I am shocked.”

“It is a long time indeed.”  

“I hope I have someone like that too.” He stopped for a while, eyes faraway. “So at least I can tell you that I stopped thinking about you after you left.”

That statement literally freezes all your movement—to the point that you think it’s all just your drunk hallucination. “What are you talking about?”

“I never stopped… thinking about you.” He dubiously murmurs, eyes trailed down his lap. “After I broke up, I’m still thinking about us, what could have been, and… regret?”

“Regret?”

“I know this might sound creepy, but.. After you left, I tried finding your whereabouts and what you’re up to. And after knowing what you’ve been through, I felt tremendous regret for being such a jerk to us.”

Suddenly, just when you’re about to turn around as you’re desperate to see through his eyes, he clutches on you, latching on your back. “I lied when I said I loved you, because I am still in love with you, Y/N. I know it’s silly—we were only a month together, not even official—but I just can’t shake the feeling away. Especially after seeing you again, talking to you again now..”

“And if you asked my last night why I worked in your company—it’s because after arriving, I was in a phase where I don’t know what I should do. At least if I work with you, I can see you again, and apologize, but at first we were not in the best term. But even then, I was happy to see you and talk to you again.”

Then, at once, you feel the back of your shirt is soaked wet. Your heart clenched with pain and sadness at how pained Jungkook must have been all these times. “Y/N, I am very sorry…”

“You told me you’re staying! You said you’ll stay with your father, with me here.” Jungkook cried when you told him you needed to move back to Seoul with your mother after the divorce. “You said your mother is horrible, Y/N. You are not doing this for yourself. You can’t leave.”

“Fuck, don’t act like you care about me now, Jungkook. You know, I was always wondering why you suddenly introduced yourself that night, but it’s because of Alex, right? Because I rejected him—and you wanted to check for yourself!”

Jungkook slammed the table in front of him that made you flinch. “Don’t you dare to change the topic. You’ll leave your father, your life here and me, because of your horrible mother that always made you cry, feel alone and horrible. Why are you so naive, Y/N?!”

You were already crying by then, the frustration built up in your chest. You knew the reason was already on the tip of your tongue—your mother is terribly sick and needed you the most—but you couldn’t let it out. Jungkook didn’t deserve to know. “Don’t act like you know me. One month fucking and you already think you can read me like a book? Grow up.”

“One month.. Fucking?” Jungkook weakly whispered, the tears were building up on the corner of his eyes. “Fine. I don’t fucking care about you. Fuck off to wherever, I don’t care.”

“Sure. You only cared about me because of a fucking bet anyway, right?!” You cried, the grief and constant fear of the end approaching, when Jungkook walked away.

It was the end.

The memory of your separation with Jungkook flashes inside your mind like it was just yesterday. You remember every word, every feeling, every tear spent that day. You couldn’t even count how many times you wished everything was different.

Jungkook is crying on your back, and you force to turn and see him right through his eyes. “Apology accepted, Jungkook. I was at fault too. I should’ve been clearer. I should’ve said it better. I am sorry too..”

You wipe his tears with your two palms and hug him, your chest against his, your arm around his waist. “Please don’t cry, hmm?”

Another seconds of light sniffles until he opens his voice. “You know, this is better than what I expected. With how many years has passed in guilt, I could’ve been puking with tears.” He lightly jokes and you giggle. Fuck, how is he so cute now?

“By the way, just in case you forgot—I just said I love you. It still stands.” Jungkook thinly smiles, his fingers fixing the strands of your hair falling in front of your eyes. Your heart is beating unhealthily fast now. “I don’t need you to answer now, of course. I just… I just want you to know.”

“I know.” You whisper softly, leaning into your will to tiptoe and press your lips against his. Jungkook instinctively closes his eyes, feeling the wondrous taste of cherry chapstick and wine from your lips. The feeling is addictive and wondrous that he seriously thinks he is hallucinating right now.

You are about to release the kiss, when his firm palm secures on your back, pressing your waist against his, his lips are chasing yours to engage in another breath-taking kiss. You welcome it at once, arms settling around his neck. “Tell me if you want to stop.” He murmurs into the kiss, but you’re way into cloud nine to stop. You’d be insane to let him go now.

His palm travels south to grab the flesh off your ass and pushes his hips closer to yours—if it’s even possible. You can make out the hard-on he has nurtured for a while now, and instantly suck your breath. “You can feel it, babe? It’s because of you—being such a minx tonight. Are you really going to keep on teasing me like this?”

You grin, feeling the adrenaline rush with the realization that you have Jungkook here, beside you, whispering you all these dirty words to your ear. You shift to press butterfly kisses to his neck all the way to his collarbones—encouraged by the bemoan he is letting out, intending to suck marks on his sun kissed skin until he gruffly pushes you away.

“Who gave you rights to mark me now, huh kitten?” He throatily purrs, swiftly scooping you into his arms, both your legs are crutched around his waist with his painful erection knocking on your clothed entrance. You spend no more second to entangle your lips with his again, his tongue gladly seeking warmth from yours—and god, he feels amazingly sweet, the taste of wine vivid on your taste bud. Fuck, he seriously can’t drive you crazier than this.

“Don’t want Namjoon to see my dry cum on your sofa, right babe?” Jungkook hoarsely wheezes, and those words literally screws all leftover sanity inside of you. Fuck, you missed this so much. Drowned in lust and desperate for friction, you find yourself continuously rubbing your core to his erection, until he paces you for himself. “Stop. I didn’t bring extra pants with me, babe—don’t wanna go home with pants wet with cum now.”

Jungkook hurriedly pushes your bedroom doors and throws you away on bed. “Y/N. Tell me to stop now, or I’ll never get a grip until I can finally have you.”

Instead of giving an answer, you inch closer until your fingers are in contact with his pants’ band. “You need help with that?” You brave yourself to whisper, gazing innocently right to his lust-darken eyes.

“Fuck, you’ll be the death of me.” He gratefully bemoans, as your finger moves to detached his pants and boxer to the ground—his erection immediately springs like never before. It is such a pretty, thick and long dick that your saliva literally pools. You instantly get on your knees, closing with eagerness to have a taste until he stops your advancement by pushing you to the bed.

“Not today, kitten. Maybe tomorrow—I need to have you now or I’ll go nuts.”

You pout, stubbornly moving to give a good caress on the length, satisfied with how Jungkook’s pupil immediately dilates at your ministry. “Are you sure, baby? I can do anything for you, though. My throat is ready for you to choke on.”

“Stop it. I want to be inside you now.” He hastily howls, so close to creaming your palm now that he needs to stop you. Jungkook’s mind is on cloud nine with your warm fingers around his girth, but he realizes he needs to have his dick pushed inside your cunt now, not even your hand or mouth can make it up. “Take off that fucking dress.” He orders.

“Yes, anything for you, sir.” You literally do not know what kind of courage is seeping through your vein, but seeing how affected he is literally made you ecstatic to tease him more. You briskly moves the satin night dress to your head and throws it across the room, baring all your lower body area.

“No underwear? Fuck, kitten, you better not act this carelessly when your roommate is here.” Jungkook breathily irks, enjoying the view of your almost naked body against him, yet spends no more second to detach your bra until your breasts are dangling freely. He immediately sucks a breath at the amazing sight.

“You are so fucking beautiful.” Jungkook throatily whispers, more to himself before he engulfs both your breasts with his palm. He moves to pinch your hardened pebbles, feeling high with your moans that is literally a green light inside his mind that you are indeed enjoying his act. He swiftly buries your right nipple inside his mouth, giving it a light suck, flicking it with his skillful tongue which turns you to a moaning mess. You close your eyes, feeling the tension inside your body build up while cradling his face closer to you, your fingers pulling the hair on his scalp. You do not even realize his left hand has left your breast, now moving to circle your bare clit, and you instantly mewl in pleasure.

“What are you so wet for, kitten? Tell me.” He breathily hisses, moving to coat his two fingers with your remnants, dips it inside his mouth and licks it dry. Your pupil dilates at such a dirty act, but still Jungkook is unhappy with your lack of response, he hits your throbbing cunt. “Use your fucking tongue to answer.”

You instantly mewl to reply, albeit stuttering when you feel his forefinger finally buries inside of you. “Of course you, sir. I am wet because of you.”

Jungkook grins in satisfaction, before he wastes no mercy and buries three fingers inside you, stretching you deliciously until you whimper in satisfaction. “So freaking wet, I bet I can slide right in. Are you going to let anyone do this to you, kitten? Hmm?”

“No, sir...” You groggily answer, your head is soaked in all kinds of lust.

“Louder! Let your fucking neighbors hear it.” Jungkook growls, pushing his digits further inside until you claw on his clothed shoulder. Fuck him for still being in his shirt—you’d do anything to mark him now.

“No, sir. Only you can make me like this…”

He sinisterly laughs, pleased with your easy compliance. “You better not be lying, kitten. Don’t you let anyone do this to you, especially fucking Kim Taehyung.”

Your eyebrows immediately scrunched at the name, but it could probably be the last thing you can contemplate now that his fingers are still beautifully moving in and out of your wet cunt. “I will, I fucking will. But get this fucking shirt off and fuck me, sir—I need to feel you bare against me.”

As he is about to enter you, he suddenly freezes. “Do you have a condom here?” He breathily asks, realize that he did not take even one with him—as fucking you was literally the last possibility he could think of before. God, does he really need to stop now?

“I don’t have a condom—but I am on the pill and safe, I swear.” You whisper, the ache on your core starting to cloud your head and better judgement. Fuck, Jungkook better be fast or you’ll be dead by then.

“Me too. I tested myself back in the States, and haven’t been sleeping with anyone since.”

“Really? How can?” You unconsciously ask, seriously flabbergasted with the fact that Jungkook hasn't fucked anyone after he moved into the city. The Jungkook you knew was so much of a god of stamina—he literally lasted five rounds with you before and still managed to have an erection after, when you can’t even feel your legs. He is that crazy for sex.

“Fuck, Y/N, I’ll tell you all about it later, but I need to fuck you raw now or I’ll go insane.” He hurriedly answers, instantly throws his shirt away as his whole body is bare against yours. Jungkook reaches for his dick, as his fingers move to give it a few strokes. He is now coating it with your remnants by hitting your entrance lightly with his dick. Even with such action you are already a moaning mess, as you bit your lips in anticipation.

Yet when the head is about to dip inside you, you reach for the bed sheet, clenching the fabric harshly. You haven’t been sleeping around for months now, you’re sure it’s going to hurt a bit—especially with that excessive size of his.

“How are you so freaking big? Fuck, don’t go too rough on me, Jungkook..” You softly  whisper, and Jungkook instantly nods. No matter how crazy and a true dom he is, he would not hurt or go against your consent—that’s just how much he loves and respects you.

Even with the heavy urge to fuck you senseless like he wants to, he surely takes his whole joyful time in making love. His length pushing inside you, stretching you wondrously that the pain turns into pleasure in no time. You let out a breathy moan when he flicks your nipple to keep you on the edge. “Damn, you are wonderful. I can’t believe I was able to live those years without this taste.”

“Fuck, Jungkook.” You moan, biting your lips as you nearly can’t hold yourself from screaming. How can sex with Jungkook be this mindblowing? You had one night stands previously with other person, but sex with him is like on another level—that’s probably what feelings can do to sex. “Faster, now. Don’t hesitate.”

At the invitation, the worries that he’s going to hurt you dissolve as he fastens and follow his own pace, his dick fucking you senseless with ragged breath. God, how he wishes he can do this every second of the day, buried inside you, looking at your pleasured face drowned in lust and pleasure, your beautiful moans and fingers scratching his back. He’d trade anything to have you like this again.

“Fuck, kitten, how are you so tight? I am fucking close.” Jungkook groans as he chases his high, sensing your walls are now clenching him tightly. He inches closer to engage you in another kiss, his tongue pushing inside you while his digits are circling your clit. You claw his back, letting out all sound with no holds back as the pleasures are too much now—the orgasm building up inside you, and Jungkook definitely can sense it coming. “Cum now, kitten.”

While Jungkook and you are still engaged in another heated kiss, your high finally comes as you cum on his dick. “Good girl.” He whispers with one last kiss before he chases his own, and not even another second he pulls out, squirting his cum all over your stomach.

You frown, looking at the liquid on your stomach. “Damn it, you should’ve cum inside me. I’m on the pill anyway.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes at your remarks, yet he is grinning from ear to ear. He lays beside you, engaging you in another soft, slow kiss as you close your eyes, your palms settled on the side of his face. “I love you.” He whispers after letting go, his beautiful doe eyes literally shining with the creases that is apparent whenever he is smiling wide. It seeps warmth to your heart.

The reply for his confession is already at your tongue, but Jungkook quickly scoots away to stand on the floor. You bit your lips, disliking the fact that he is too far from your reach, no matter how fast he’ll be back. You need him here, to ensure that everything is not just a wet dream of yours. “Come back, don’t leave me.” You whine, and Jungkook giggles breathily.

“Let’s get you all cleaned up, clingy McGee. I’ll get you a wet towel.”

Another minute and Jungkook is back with what he promised, as he closes beside you and wipes his own cum off your stomach.

“What a waste. You should’ve cum in my tongue and let me swallow it all.” You mutter half joking half seriously while yawning, as your eyes follow his every movement. He sends you a warning glare, unhappy with your constant teasing.

“If you don’t want me to pin you against the matters now and fuck you against the wall until you’re screaming for mercy, stop it.”

“Geez, sooo grumpy.” You giggle, scooting closer to him as in chase of heat after he settles beside you, draping the blanket to cover both your bodies.

“I’ll take you up on that tomorrow, though.” He lightly giggles, and you’re the one now rolling your eyes on him. He envelopes you around his arm, pressing another kiss on your forehead before caressing your head to sleep—just the way he remembers would instantly send you to slumber.

But no matter how tired you already are, your body are still high on adrenaline due to the great sex you just had—you just cant seems to sleep. Not when Jungkook is here holding you close, looking at you like that with evident love in his eyes. And suddenly an idea pops inside your head, until you smirk in mischief.

“Why are you smiling like that? I told you to sleep.” He asks cautiously. You shrug to pretend innocence, before scooting closer until your bare waist is glued on his own, slightly rubbing it against his semi-hard dick. Wow, the self control on this guy is impressive for not initiating a second round.

Jungkook immediately curses at your teasing, yet the pleasure in his face is unmissed. “Fuck, what are you—“

“I’m sweating, Jungkook. I want to take a shower.” You whine seductively, your fingers stray to the lower parts of his body now, caressing his semi. Jungkook’s eyes are now unmistakably dark, as you realize that you might just awaken the true dom in Jungkook.

“I was literally being civil since you got to go back home with fucking Taehyung tomorrow, but damn—I’ll fuck you so bad anyone know who fucked you tonight, huh? I’ll make sure you can’t walk straight tomorrow, kitten.” He smirks, and that literally sends jitters right to your core in deep anticipation. You missed it—the feeling of Jungkook mercilessly fucking you like there’s no tomorrow.

Jungkook instantly scoops you out of bed in one movement, the blanket falls on the floor.   Your legs are linked around his waist, your throbbing entrance pressed against his erection as you rub it for relief. His mouth aggressively attacking yours for domination, as his firm legs walk towards your shower.

“Let’s get my kitten thoroughly cleaned, okay?” Jungkook teasingly moans to your ear, his thumbs are now pinching your hardened nipples. Your whole body shivers.

Thus begin the best sex you ever have in your whole life.

*

You wake up groggily with the sunshine seeping through your window. What happened with you, why are you feeling the biting pain all over your body? The memory of last night instantly hits you like an explosion.

You had sex with Jungkook—which lasted three freaking rounds.

And fuck wasn’t he holding back. He literally was just like you remembered, a true dom that sent your knees weak, pleasuring you like nobody could. He took care of your body like it's the only thing on his mind—and you would be lying if you say you didn’t enjoy his true dom self released, marking you all over your body with love bites, forcing you to plead for his mercy and leaving you breathless nearly all the time.

But he is not here now.

You gaze to the cold side of your bed where Jungkook slept last night. It must be long since he left, only with a small note on your bedside that ensures you that what happened last night isn’t just a mere dream.

Hi, thanks for last night. I had to leave, something urgent came up. See you around.

Fuck, if that wasn’t such a lousy note to start the day with. Such a fool you are to expect the sex matters to you as much as it is to him.

Regardless of the ticked off feeling you had for Jungkook, you scoot off your bed, trying to use both your throbbing legs to stand up. The pain instantly shoots up that you instantly bite your lips, limping your way out of the door. Fuck Jungkook, you loathe that fucker so much now.

“Whoa whoa—slow down babe.” Namjoon instantly shouts after you’re carelessly limping out of the door closer to him. “Someone got a good dicked down yesterday.” He teases, and you sent him an annoyed expression.

“Why are you so grumpy? You finally had sex after months, you should be glowing.” Namjoon giggles while stirring his coffee. You flip him off, settling to sit on the sofa. “You want some coffee?”

“Yes, thank you.” You mutter. “What time did you come back home?”

“Around two, maybe? Wasn’t really in my best state of mind, so that could be wrong too. What’s up?”

He walks closer to you, offering a cup of coffee with scent that succeeds in relaxing your mind a bit. “I did not meet the guy, you don’t have to worry. Who was it anyway? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Around two? He left before two? “Did you check up on me when you come?” You ask dubiously, knowing Namjoon has always checked up on you when he arrives in the apartment.

“Yes, there was no one. I saw you sleeping, and went to my room right after.”

“Fuck—he really left that early?!” You hiss, not liking the fact that he left you just later after you sleep with such a lousy note that clearly indicates nothing—he probably uses the same note for all his previous one night stands.

“But.. You know, it could be weird for strangers to stay the night after sex—“

“But he’s not a stranger.” You vengefully replied, the hurt evident in your tone. “It’s Jungkook. Jungkook slept with me yesterday and fled right after with a fucking lousy ‘thanks for last night’ note.”

“Jungkook? Jeon Jungkook?” He asks with goggling eyes. He seriously thought he misheard your words. “But you hated him.”

“It was complicated. We.. We had a past together. And these few days just rekindled those feelings, and.. I thought he was really serious about it.” You whispers, the tears are welling in the corner of your eyes. “I tried thinking positively, that he really had something to do, but he left so quickly and also with this note.. got me thinking. Was it too fast? What if everything is just in my head, and he’s only after sex?”

Namjoon looks at the yellow note on your grasp, taking it to read the messy handwriting for himself. Yet no matter how hard he thinks about it, he understands your doubt. It was indeed a messy, hurried note that he indeed heard people often leave their one night stand.

“It’s still uncertain. Just talk to him, okay?” Namjoon asks, his palm resting on your knees and giving it a light squeeze. “There might be something you don’t know yet.”

You sigh, crumpling the note and throwing it carelessly. “I fucking hate him.”

“Hey, by the way you left your phone here, and Taehyung called this morning.” He informs, but you know that expression he wears—something is troubling his mind.

“What is that face?” You instantly point. “You always use that expression when you have something to say.”

“You know me so well.” Namjoon grins, eyes trained on the coffee on his grasp. “I had a drink with Taehyung and others yesterday. And yeah, after the drink, I just think that he.. He might be still in love with you.”

“What do you mean?” Your eyebrows scrunched, severely confused.

“That’s all I can say. If you want to know, better ask the man himself. You’re meeting him soon, right?” Namjoon reminds you, and you abruptly stand up—still holding back the pain, after being reminded that Taehyung shall be here in no time.

“And, Y/N?”

You halt your steps, looking back to the guy. “What?”

“Just.. don’t hesitate. Go with your heart.” Namjoon advises. Your throat constricts. Follow your heart? You don’t even understand what that idiot wants. Your heart is a drunk fool, doesn’t really know what’s good for itself, and always foolishly seeks something that is not going to happen. Why should you go with it?

He is apparently not done, and clears his throat and points to his own neck. “And maybe, put some concealer on? Don’t want your mother to have a heart attack seeing those marks on your neck.”

And that’s how in forty minutes, you ended up wearing navy green turtleneck and long skinny jeans—thankfully the chilly weather does support your outfits—descending your apartment building after Taehyung said he’s already parked in front. You were distinctly nervous, going back to your family home with Taehyung after the longest time. Just being around him sends you on your edge, and you could only wish nothing is going to mess everything up.

The first thing you see when the elevator is opened is Taehyung’s face that you abruptly take a step back in shock. His face immediately lightens up. “Good morning. You’re here.”

“Yes. I thought I’ll see you in your car?”

“Sure, I just thought it would be great to see your apartment.” Taehyung answers, a soft smile appearing on his lips. Namjoon’s sentences instantly pass through your head as a warning. You clear your throat.

“Namjoon is upstairs, though...”

“So? Is that a problem for me to see your apartment?” He mischievously teases, pulling you to exit the apartment. “What were you thinking, huh?”

“Nothing!” You abruptly answer, silently letting Taehyung hold your palm against his, no matter how conflicted it makes you feel.

“By the way, are you okay, babe?” Taehyung asks in concern after arriving at the car, reminding you to put on your seatbelt. Your eyebrow raises.

“I think so. Why?”

“Did you fall or anything? You are..  Kind of limping.” He questions in deep concern, looking straight to your eyes. At once, your breath hastens with anxiety. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes! Of course—I fell in the shower yesterday, and got hurt a bit, yeah..” You tightly mutter. At least it was not a hundred person lie.

Gosh, how you wish you can punch that annoying motherfucker now…

*

“Taehyung! You’re here!”

You glare at your beaming mother slightly skipping to welcome both of you from her tended yard, crushing Taehyung in a big hug. “Mom, I’m right here too. And last time I checked, I’m the one who is related by blood to you.”

“Don’t be such a party pooper, Y/N.” Taehyung giggles, affectionately hugging back your mother. “I’m sorry mom, Y/N is soooo grumpy this morning. She may have woken up on the wrong side of the bed.”

“It’s just I haven’t seen you in so long. How is my precious son doing?!” Your mother beams, instantly welcoming Taehyung inside the house, leaving you alone to pick up the fruits and cake you brought from Seoul. But not even long, the scowl changes into a contented smile on your lips.

You are grateful that nothing really changes, especially with Taehyung. He is still the one person you can depend the most in this whole world.

Suddenly, among your wandering thoughts your phone rings. You hurriedly pick up, not even checking the caller. “Hello?”

“Hi, is this Y/N?” You notice the change of language, and silently checks the number. Abroad numbers? Suspicious.

“Yes, this is she.” You doubtfully answer.

“Hello, This is Jess. I’m here in Seoul today, can we meet?”

Jess? Who is Jess? You can’t literally remember anyone called Jess beside… your friend back in the States. You were not even remotely close, so there’s no way it could be her.

“Sorry, but which Jess?”

She instantly clears her throat, probably embarrassed at the possibility of you not remembering. “We went to the same high school back in the States, before your parents divorced and you moved to Korea.”

So that’s the correct Jess then. But that still doesn’t explain why she is calling you right now, especially with that unnecessary mention of your parent’s divorce. “Ah, I remember now. But why? Is there anything I can do for you?”

“Yes, I am in Seoul now. I have to talk to you about something, I promise it won’t take a while.”

“But why? We haven’t talked in years, what could possibly be the reason why we should meet?” You annoyedly point out, not even caring that you have turned hostile to her. You really don’t want to waste any time, especially with Taehyung now at the door, signing you to come in.

“It’s about Jungkook.” She curtly answers, and your heart literally skips a beat at the name. What’s with Jungkook? Your heart clenches with the fear rising in your chest.

“His family and I are here now to take him back to the States, so I have to let you know something. Let’s meet.”

*

It is not long until you and Jess are already sitting in front of each other inside a cafe near your family home. You left Taehyung at home with your family, and promised them you’ll be back in no time.

“You want to order something? My treat.” The girl says after ordering her drinks. You shake your head, not even enjoying the seconds uselessy passed with her. You are just desperate to get it over with and head home.

She shakes her head. “I didn’t remember you being this uptight, Y/N. Loosen up, will you?”

“Well, you don’t know, probably because we weren’t even that close?” You shoot and sigh. “Can we just go straight to the point? My mother is waiting at home.”

Jess hums. “And Kim Taehyung too?”

You glare at her, the uneasiness rising in your head. You have no idea why she should know anything about Taehyung. “What the—”

“I’ll cut to the chase. Jungkook is his family’s only son. His father already had his future all planned out, but then one day he ran away to work in a country far away, with a job that probably pays a quarter from what he could have back home.” She halts after the waitress serves her drinks. “And then we finds out that he is here because of you, a fucking ex—who was just a mere fuck buddies. So we need you to think straight and stop seeing him.”

You stare at her for a full minute until you break in laughter. “What’s funny?” She irks.

“Fuck, this is all just like a midday telenovela, that’s what.” You giggle, still finding mirth in her previous statement. You clear your throat, and send her an not amused look. “Let me fill you in. I don’t fucking care. He’s here because himself, you’re thinking too highly of that one month we fucked. And who are you to say that anyway? You’re his mother or what?”

Jess condescendingly smirks in triumph. “I am his girlfriend. We have been dating all through college before he moved here. I have all right to tell cockroaches like you to scoot off. Besides, you already have Kim, no? Are you really that thirsty for lots of men?”

That statement literally catches you off guard. Girlfriend? Jungkook never mentions anything about a girlfriend. He literally said that he hadn’t been with anyone and that he thought about you most of the time. Was it all… just a lie?

It was like a knock to your chest, but you won’t let it show. “Then you should know better that if you dated all through college, there is no way he could move here because of me.” You calmly explain, the anger and sadness of betrayal building up in your chest. It feels hard to even breathe, and you feel so stupid for believing his words could be true—now that you rewind literally made no sense whatsoever. Jungkook is not with anyone for years, only because of you? Fuck, that’s literally nonsensical.

“And if you’re his girlfriend, you should know he’s here because he is depressed—feeling the inadequacy and constant restriction in doing whatever he wants to do. If you’re his girlfriend, you should support whatever he wants to do for his happiness, instead of teaming up with his father that literally treated him like a fucking robot.” You spit out in dismay, the tears are welling up in your eyes. You hated the fact that you’ve foolishly put your trust on someone undeserving, yet again.

It’s clear now that you have left the girl speechless, and you quickly stomp out of the cafe inside of Taehyung’s car you borrowed. You quickly drive out, with tears freely running on your cheeks, your heart turns hollow and vacant now that you know.

You are a fucking idiot, that’s what.

*

It’s already eleven pm, you are now resting in your room in the family home. Your mother successfully tricked you into staying the night, but Taehyung said he needed to go back to his apartment because he doesn’t have any shirt to change to—denying your mother’s forward offer to let him stay the night with you in your room. The level of trust your mother has in Taehyung is seriously ridiculous—but still he said he’ll be back tomorrow morning to pick you up, as he needed to work in the headquarters for a full week next week.

‘Are you okay?’ Taehyung queried when he was about to drive back, hand clasped against yours. ‘You seemed a little bit upset after that meeting.’

Even then, you could only answer him with a vague shrug, a hug and you cried. Taehyung didn’t ask any further, patting your back calmly while whispering calming words to your ear. He understood you need your space more than anything, and you were thankful.

But now, flipping on your bed for hours hasn’t drifted you to dreamland yet, especially with a head filled with Jungkook and overwhelming queries on how he’s doing right now. And you hate yourself for still caring—it’s freaking Jungkook, who left you after he had enough, who easily lied to you just to sleep with you. Why can’t you just ditch him like that?

Maybe you’re really in love. A total dumbass.

Suddenly, your phone rings. Unknown numbers. Call with Jess did traumatize you, but not taking it will leave you close to no wink of sleep, so you do.

“Hello?” You warily questions. There are around ten seconds before the familiar sigh is heard on the other side of the call.

“Y/N, this is Jungkook.” The familiar voice is close to whispers, and all you can hear is how tired he sounds. Something definitely stirs inside of you. “Are you in your mother’s home? I’ll be there in ten. Can we talk?”

You know it. You know it very, very well. He might as well done it over the phone—it may hurt less. “Is it urgent? Can’t.. can’t we just do it over the phone?”

“No, we need to talk directly. It doesn’t feel right doing it on the phone.”

Fuck, it’s really is. Jungkook is breaking up with you—with no relationships to begin with. The tears are clamming up on your eyes, and you can only hope you’re strong enough to pretend everything’s okay. Cause you hate to show him how weak you are for him.

And not even ten minutes, Jungkook messages you he’s already waiting outside. You walk outside your room to see that your whole house is already dark—your family must have gone to sleep. Good, so they don’t have to see you bawling your eyes out.

When you are at your porch, you can already make out his silhouette from the car. His hand is on the wheel, other hands are resting on his temples—the lines of his face are harsh and cold. Taking a deep breath, you give yourself one last warning and enter his car.

“What is it?” You curtly ask, and Jungkook looks at you with a weirded out stare.

“Why are you angry?”

You roll your eyes, arms folded on your chest. “Because I know clearly why you are here. Jess explicitly told me about everything—you don’t need to waste both of our times, going all the way here just because you want to break up with me. That too if anything of what we did was more than something to you.”

Jungkook stares at you like you’re spluttering nonsense, which you actually are and it leaves you disconcerted. “What—what the fuck are you saying now?”

You scowl. “No need to lie. I know exactly what’s gonna happen. You’re gonna need to move back, right? And you’ll leave your whole life here—” The tears choke you up. “You’ll leave me here. But let me say it, do whatever, Jungkook. It will be just like before, right? It’s not like we've never done this before.”

If you’re really doing it to hurt him, you succeed. Because the pain is literally insufferable.  “Is that what we mean to you? Are you going to just let everything like this like not a shit happened to us?”

“You’re funny, Jungkook. There’s never been an ‘us’, you know it.” You vex with a sarcastic grin. “There’s never been us. Because you lied to me, fuck me and stood me up like nothing happened, right?”

“That’s not true.” He firmly said. “I left first because of my father, Y/N. He told me he’s in town. I need to meet him, why can’t you understand?!”

“I know that! But you expected me to believe all you said when Jess literally came all the way from the States to tell me to fuck off and that you’re in a relationship with her all through college.” Jungkook freezes on his spot, but you’re not done. “Is that wrong, Jungkook? Tell me she lied and I’ll grovel at your feet for forgiveness.”

At Jungkook’s silence, you can feel a stingy pang inside your chest. It was true, he lied. “So she was right? You lied to me—telling me there was no one, only to sleep with me?”

“It’s not true, Y/N. Jess was just… someone I affiliated with. We were not in a relationship.” He hurriedly tries to explain, hand scratching his hair in frustration. “And why does it matter anyway? It’s all in the past, it doesn’t matter now. I only care about you, you know it.”

“It matters! Because you told me there was no one. Because you lied to me, Jungkook. Why can’t you see how wrong it is?”

“She was just someone I fucked with all through college. Even if she thought there was something else, there was none. I set it straight to her, but she never understands.” He softly whispers now. “I regretted it, Y/N. But you can’t hold it against me. I had no feelings for her.”

You know his words should’ve brought reassurance, but the words clearly strike something inside you—a remembrance of pain. You croak. “You know what, that’s exactly what Taehyung told me that time.”

“What-what’s that fucker doing here in our talk?” His voice raises in displease at your mention of another man during your serious talk. “So was everything about Taehyung? All of this—even when we’re fighting, you’re thinking about him. It was all about him all along.”

“No, but the exact thing happened again. You were being dishonest to me. You hurt me, Jungkook.” You whisper softly, cheeks already flowing with tears that it literally throws him off at how fragile you look. “I can’t… I can’t shake that feeling. How I felt when she said everything, like she owned you, like… like she has rights for you. Like I was someone you played with behind her. It was exactly.. that.”

“Hey, I’m sorry you had to feel that way.” Jungkook whispers and pulls you closer inside his arm, heart clenched in guilt at your weak sob. He hates himself for doing that to you—to let you enter the maze of problems he has tried to escape from a while now. You don’t deserve that. “I’m sorry for being such a jerk. I know I should’ve been clearer about everything.”

Ten minutes of crying your concern and heart out inside his arms before you open your voice. “So, she was right? Are you leaving, then?”

He dubiously hums. “I have to, otherwise my father will never stop trying to get me back. I’ll try finishing whatever I can there, and come back right after.” He whispers, palms buried on your hair. “I promise it won’t take long. Can you wait for me?”

You look at Jungkook's hopeful eyes and the ‘yes’ is already at your tongue—when something awakens you. You cannot do that to yourself. You cannot let yourself be miserable, waiting for him again like a broken clock. You cannot gamble your way to mend everything when he leaves, not when there’s any possibility like he’ll leave you again like he did. You’re not that strong.

“I can’t.” You shortly reply, and at the unexpected answer, Jungkook is visibly aggrieved.

“Why? Why can’t you? I’ll be back soon, Y/N—Why do you give up on us that easily?” Jungkook is peeved at your easy surrender. He loves you, he is willing to work it out for you, and it weakens him to see you’re not on board to fight for any feelings you both have for each other. “I know you, Y/N. I know me. We had something together. Please, don’t give up on us.”

“I can’t, because I don’t want to let you hurt me again, Jungkook. Happy?” You shouts, carrying the long pain you have carried throughout your days. “I hate myself for letting myself trust and ending up getting hurt. If I wait for you, I’ll always feel insecure, Jungkook. I’ll always wonder if you’re going back, if you have found someone else, if we’re just going to hurt each other. Because that's what people did to me—to my mother, to us… I can’t.”

Jungkook shudders at the mention of your family. Did he hear it wrong? “Did you mean… your father? But I thought… I thought—”

“Yes.” The hurt multiplies, palpable on your face. “My father lied to me. He is a manipulative jerk who never gave a shit about his family, and made my mother the bad guy in front of me. He didn’t care at all—my mother was struggling with cancer and he didn’t give a shit and still went with the divorce. I just knew after my mother went to find me, beg me to come with her after the divorce.”

The regret at his old self, patronizing you without knowing the truth hits him like a brick. “God, Y/N, I’m sorry. I was—”

“I know. It was such a stressful time, and the pain my mother had to endure because of him—I hated him so much I could die, Jungkook. He hurt me, he hurt us. And he is now living well with his new family, the one he cheated with before. It is not fucking fair.”

Jungkook moves forward to hold you close, his heart wrenching in pain to imagine how agonizing it must have been for you and your mother. “I’m sorry for everything. I was a stupid jerk who thought I knew everything, you had every rights to hate me. I am very, very sorry, Y/N.”

“That’s why I have trust issues. I know very well that one bad apple doesn’t define everything, but it made me more cautious above anything. I can’t afford being weak now, I can’t gamble on the future whether what we had now is gonna last. I don’t want to be naive.”

No matter how he wants to refute your words, he can’t. Because Jungkook understands where you’re coming from, and how traumatizing it must have been. He’d be insensitive to shrug your concern away. “I understand. But I won’t ask for more, Y/N..”

“I’ll be back before December ends.” Jungkook determinedly claims, holding you closer that his nose point is touching yours, warm palms against the side of your face which sends your whole being to instant chaos. His eyes are like a deep sea, that you’re willing to fall in and never out, and all you want to do is hold him close, kiss him and never let go.

“And when we finally meet, I’ll let you know that I will still be loving you then and I’m going to fight for us. No matter what happened.”

*

After having breakfast with both your mother, grandma and Taehyung, you hug the goodbyes. You regret it though, the days passed so quickly and you don’t really have much time to completely be in the moment with your family since your mind is wandering far. If your mother knows, she doesn’t comment—but you know that soft gaze she endows, she is worried for you.

“Goodbye, son! Do visit us regularly, okay?” Your mother beams, hugging Taehyung. She glances at you walking to your room to grab your purse and continues. “I’m very worried for her. Can you please make sure she’s okay?”

“What happened?” Taehyung asks in concern. He did notice something changed after you met your friend yesterday, but it’s definitely getting prominent this morning. 

“Someone came to our house yesterday, and spent some time in the car. After, she walks out crying.” Your mother frets, squeezing Taehyung’s palm. “I’m worried. Can you keep an eye on her?”

“Of course I will.” Taehyung smiles in a comforting manner, tapping on your mother’s palm. “You can count on me, mom.”

Your mother instantly smiles, as she understands by heart she really can count on Taehyung for you. “Thank you. Get going now!” She gestures to walk you out to Taehyung’s car.

Sitting inside the car, your eyes are trained out the window, minds wandering far to last night’s encounter with Jungkook. He said he’ll be back, and you shouldn’t believe him—you told him you won’t, but deep inside you never stopped wishing his words are true. You foolishly believe him with all your heart.

“Hey.”

Taehyung’s call abruptly takes you off your wandering thoughts, shifting your gaze at him. You clear your throat. “Yes? Sorry, I was daydreaming for a while there.”

“I think you’ve been daydreaming all the time we’re here.”

He said the words softly and didn’t mean anything, yet it instantly hits you with guilt. “I’m sorry, I was—”

“Was it about Jungkook?”

“What?” Your eyes widened, heart literally skips a beat. Are you really that obvious?

Taehyung stares at you for a few seconds, then focusing back on the street. “It’s just a lucky guess. And seeing how shocked you were just now, it must be true.”

“It is.” You look down to your lap. “I’m sorry for concerning you.”

“What are you sorry about.” Taehyung chuckles, tapping the top of your head. “He is finally here. The one you’ve been thinking about all through college, your first love, your first heartbreak is here. You should be happy.”

It’s true though. You can’t even count how many people you have pushed away only because you’re thinking about Jungkook. In the period where everyone is just desperate to find love or mere sex, you are not even remotely close to it. You weren’t with anyone all through college. All because you’re thinking about how it feels right to be with Jungkook, how in love you actually were and how foolish it could be to let go of one thing that could have been true just because you were too deep in emotion.

And Taehyung was one of the people that lived through that phase of shutting any possibility of love. He couldn’t even forget how his college friends, or even strangers asking him why are you so closed off, refusing any advancement anyone did. But Taehyung shrugged it away, because he knew how you still couldn’t forget your first love. He didn’t even know how or why you are still able to hold into that love for such a long time—not until he fell for you himself.

When he asked you to be his girlfriend a year ago and you said yes, he really thought you were ready to move on. Finally. And maybe you were, before he messed up everything and it’s already too late. Because Jungkook is back, and how can he compare to the first love, which vaguely ended and still left a sour taste of regret in your heart.

When he saw Jungkook that morning, he knew. He knew that he didn’t stand a chance. Because it’s apparent how head over heels he is still with you, like you are with him. And he just needs to accept it.

“Go with your heart, Y/N.” Taehyung croaks, holding the deep urge inside him forcing him to stop being such goody two shoes. Taehyung is still in love with you. Madly. He loves you for quite a long time now, and he wanted to be yours. But how can he be selfish when you are clearly struggling like this?

“Do you know? The biggest regret I have is to let you go.” 

You glance at Taehyung, as something stirs inside your heart with him addressing your past. “I regret not making everything clear. I regret not fighting for us. I regret not being honest with you, because I was selfish and too much of a coward.”

“I still love you.” Taehyung whispers, the grip on the wheel tightened. You stare at him, speechless while Namjoon’s past words suddenly run through your mind. “But it’s okay. Because above anything, I want you to be happy. Seeing you being miserable makes me extremely sad, Y/N. Please, just go with your heart and be happy.”

Another minute passed in silence, before you mutter gloomily. “I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to say..”

“Let me guide you, then.” Taehyung smiles, his palm resting over yours and gives it a light squeeze. “Thank you for loving me, Taehyung. I know we’ll get through this, as best friends. And you are right, I’ll go with my heart and try to take risk in love, because even though it might hurt me, at the very least I followed my heart instead of my fear.”

His words literally punch you in the gut, because now that he’s the one saying it to you, it never felt clearer. You indeed have been following your fear, discarding how you truly feel for anything or anyone. You love Jungkook, but being afraid has shielded you from following what you really want to do.

Another ten minutes before you give his hand a light squeeze. “You know, I never thought you'd be that much of a bigger person.” You lightly joke, in which Taehyung responds with a snort. “You were not usually like this. Where’s my selfish and self-righteous bestie at?!”

“Well, don’t consider I’m letting you go just yet.” He shrugs jokingly, rolling his eyes. You heartily laugh at that. “Besides, life is still long, right? Don’t count it on me giving up just yet, Y/N. I might just steal your heart away, and that lucky bastard Jungkook should be nervous.” You gaze at Taehyung who is looking back at you with his signature boxy smile, and your heart lightens. God, how lucky you are to have such a great companion like him.

“You know what? He really should.”

*

7 Weeks Later…

Jungkook is looking at the watch on his wrist. It’s already 4PM in his time and 8AM in Seoul. You must be preparing for work, he thinks to himself, unconsciously smiling. That’s what he does whenever it concerns you. He’ll be adored at the thoughts of you walking hastily inside the office, throwing all your belongings on your desk before you begin working. He always finds it endearing. And then, he’ll miss you. He will miss looking at you, talking and bantering with you again.

But not today, since he’ll be over in Seoul in no time.

All seven weeks back in the States were dreadful, but he managed. He knew that it was longer than expected, but he managed to steal the time to find you again. Because in all sincereness, all that he can think of is you.

blueberry_25 : good thursday morning! Soo happy gonna end the week soon! [16:05]

blueberry_25 : what are you doing this weekend? Do you wanna meet? :) [16:06]

It’s funny how he gives you the space you deserve, yet still manages to talk to you again nearly everyday. All because of the pen pal event held by the company which he has resigned from. He needed to take a long break, and had to resign after. The company did give him an option if he wanted to return back, but with the current condition, he is not really sure whether he can return for good.

But at least he got some time to see you again. Which is good.

91snowball : hi, blue, hope you have a great day today too! :) [16:07]

91snowball : we’re going to meet tomorrow. The christmas event, remember? [16:07]

blueberry_25 : I nearly forgot! So hectic today since that finance guy resigned and caused such chaos again. Thanks for the reminder though lol [16:08]

Jungkook literally winces, as you haven’t stopped complaining about the sudden resignation of the finance guy that is literally him regarding your overwhelming work caused by a certain prematurely resigning self-centered jerk. Even one time he mistakenly apologized for it. Nevertheless, it was all fun and games before he thought about how to break it up to you. That he is a snowball, the person you’ve been chatting with anonymously for months, and nearly everyday now. Talking to you were the highlights of his days, and he couldn’t stop. Even for a day.

And he is in the dark on how to break the truth to you. 

The soft chimes of his phone takes him away from the busy thoughts. Jungkook looks down and finds another message from you. The heartfelt smile instinctively appears on his lips.

blueberry_25 : did you get me anything? ;) Can I set my expectations high? [16:10]

91snowball : haha hope so. See you tomorrow, okay? [16:10]

The announcement for passengers to onboard is heard, so Jungkook raises from his seat to join the queue. An anonymous feeling shot through his chest, a heartfelt smile formed on his lips. He is going back. Finally. He finally is going to see you again and it feels terribly unreal. 

Right when another message arrives, and at once the corners of his mouth instantly flattens.

Mom : Son,don’t forget. I’ll pick you up next week. [16:12]

*

“Bye, Y/N, Hoseok!” 

Another person from your team has escaped the dreaded office, yet you and Hoseok are still not showing any sign of moving from your respective places. There are still a few action items on your list that need to be checked off by the night if you want to have a peaceful weekend, and you are determined to have them finished asap.

Because you are going to meet Snowball tomorrow. And you’re going to spend your whole weekend with him too.

“Y/N, why are you not going home?” Hoseok asks in worry while glancing at your screen. “This report needs to be submitted on Monday. You can finish it tomorrow.”

“But tomorrow we are having that Christmas event. I want to finish this before then.” You answer nonchalantly, still typing agilely on your keyboard. Seeing how befuddled Hoseok looks, you roll your eyes. “That pen pal secret santa event. Remember?”

Hoseok instantly turns silent at the mention of the event. God, how could he forget? Tomorrow the office’s Christmas party will be held, along with the first meeting of the anonymous pen pal buddies. Jimin and his team have everything planned out, in which the pair would give a gift inside a box which includes a card to describe and help find who is their pen pal.

It was indeed a brilliant idea. But maybe not to the fact that Jungkook is literally your pen pal, and the fact that you are unaware of how close he has been even after he left.

It doesn’t even need an exquisite skill to guess that something happened with Jungkook and you, especially discernible after he left. You turn greatly silent, and he found you zooming out more than you’d like to admit, and you’re shine dimmed. It was incredibly saddening for nearly everyone, but it’s not for long since you found someone to take your minds off things—who turns out to be your pen pal, or ironically, Jungkook.

And Hoseok has multiple times warned Jungkook that it’s not going to work. You would be furious to find out—who would adore the fact that someone is indeed lying?

“So… your partner will be coming?” Hoseok hesitatingly asks, looking down his lap. “Are you sure?”

“Of course. I know he’ll be coming.” You shift your gaze to Hoseok and beam. “He’ll give me a present and I’ll finally meet him.”

Hoseok nods, but something urges him to continue. “But… what if he won’t come?”

Your eyebrows scrunched. “What do you mean?”

He clears his throat. “Maybe? You know, he might have something to do tomorrow, urgently. Or maybe he is not that invested in this like you are? Because let’s be real here, Y/N, you are too deep into this.”

You send a thriving punch to his shoulder that Hoseok immediately winces and. “What is that for?!”

“For being such a source of negativity. Seriously, Hoseok, you used to be sooo positive. Stop hanging out too much with Yoongi.”

“I’m not kidding, Y/N.” Hoseok sternly gazes at you. “Don’t put your hopes too high. I don’t want you to be disappointed.”

You smile at him, not even an ounce of doubt seen on your face. “Snowball won’t disappoint me, Hoseok. He’s not like Jungkook.”

At such ironic statements, Hoseok immediately turns speechless—something inside him literally withers. God, how he wishes he could cease you from hurting...

*

It’s already eight pm, and Jungkook is still settling inside his car in front of the building where the Christmas Event is held. His right hand is tapping lightly on the wheel, inside his left grasp is a midnight green colored box in which is the present he prepared for you.

The event will be starting soon, but he’s still waiting for a cue from Yoongi—the only person who knew about his arrival in Korea—when he should be entering. Attract attention is the last he would want, especially when too many people or the bosses are around, as he is obviously not invited now that he has resigned.

Yet needless to say, it is not the main issue concerning his mind. He couldn’t even care less if he is going to be kicked out of the event, as long as he can see you and be with you again. But how can he hope so? All kinds of scenarios are running through his mind about how you would react to him being Snowball, your anonymous pen pal in which you have told him about nearly everything. And it's foolish to even think that you would be fine about him catfishing you—hopefully it’s not the correct term for that.

At first, it was just a mere idea during work, Jimin was joking about how he would make you as his anonymous pen pal after he was informed of a small piece about your past with Jungkook. And Jungkook was not going to think about it more, but he was desperate. He wanted to talk to you again without any resentment—but it could probably be the least thing you want to do in this lifetime, so he begged Jimin to arrange it for him. Even if it was merely anonymous.

But now it could probably be the best yet the worst thing that he had done to you. You are the thing that keeps him sane after being locked again in his hometown, but he is now gambling with the relationship you both have. He is literally lying to you again—just like the worst fight happened in front of your house porch. God, everything is literally a mess.

Suddenly, the sound of an incoming call disrupts his trainwreck thoughts. Min Yoongi.

“Jungkook, the event will be conducted in half an hour, you need to submit your present. The bosses are gone. Come.” Yoongi calmly informs, conflicting to the thoughts on Jungkook’s mind. The fear and insecurity instantly strikes him.

“I don’t know whether I should do this, I mean—”

“Look at your chat.”

Yoongi has an authority tone on his voice that Jungkook immediately obeys, opening his chat. Yoongi has sent a picture of you, lively talking with your friends. You look exquisite, wearing a red ball gown dress that falls on your knee, the blush is apparent on your cheek. You simply look.. stunning.

“She has waited and prepared all this shit because she believed her idiot, fucking selfish so-called pen pal is here. Seriously, you’re not doing any good by pretending again. Just come, Jungkook.”

At once, it was like a knock to his heart at how selfish and undeserving he is to you. It’s okay if you’re angry, he’ll grovel at your feet. And if you don’t want to see him again? Well, he just needs to wait again. He waited for five years to see you again—what is another waiting, right?

Heaving a deep breath, Jungkook finally steps out of his car. He cannot lie that he is excessively frightened, the image of you crying and pushing him away is vivid and it stings. But he promised you he’ll be back before the year ends, and he’ll live up to that promise.

Walking out of the lift, the first person he sees is Jimin, sitting behind the front table from the ballroom. He is now receiving gifts from various people, which Jungkook assumes must be for the pen pal event. He walks closer, until Jimin can finally see him, and somehow, upon meeting your face, he literally falls a few steps back, face bleached like he just saw a ghost.

“J-jungkook?”

Jungkook smiles and rests the gift on the table. “Hi, Jimin. This is my gift for her.”

“B-b-but how—why? How can you’re here? I thought—I thought you’re moving and—”

“Yes. But I’m here now.” Jungkook thinly smiles. “May I know what I should do next?”

“Y-yes. So, the pair will be divided into two rooms, and when we cue, we will let you find each other, with the stuff and card inside the gift.” The panic is still evident on his face, but Jungkook just shrugs it away. Jimin can be overreacting at times.

“May I enter my room now?”

Jimin instantly nods as an answer, and points to the room on his right. “You can enter the room on the right. But Jungkook?”

Jungkook stares at Jimin, waiting for the continuation. “Good luck there. And I’m sorry.” He clears his throat, and points to the room. “You go now.”

Jungkook doesn’t even know if that’s really something for Jimin to be sorry about, but he literally couldn’t care less when he’s just minutes away from meeting you. “Thanks.”

Inside the room, there are a few people who are high chance waiting for the pen pal committee as well. The moment he enters, he can see a few confused eyes staring at him, but the moment he finds Namjoon, he can finally breathe. Namjoon is not too different though, staring at him with weirded out eyes.

“Jungkook, you’re here?” He blinks a few times, rubbing his eyes. “Am I drinking too much champagne or are you really here?”

“I am.” He chuckles. “I came back to fulfill a promise, I guess.”

“Y/N? Because she’s your pen pal, right?” Jungkook nods slowly. “God, do you know there’s a very high chance that she’ll kick your ass for all this bamboozling shit?”

“Affirmatively.” Jungkook grins, yet his fingers are nervously fidgeting, a habit he inhibited since a month ago. “But, I just… I am trying, you know?”

Namjoon nods and taps on Jungkook’s back to relay comfort. “She loves you too. Even if she’s furious, she’ll come around.” Jungkook can only hope so.

At that time, the committees enter with a trolly of boxes that must be the pen pal gift. One of them hands Namjoon and Jungkook’s respective gifts. “You can start finding your pen pal now.”

Jungkook looks down on the blue box on his grasp, and he flinches with palms turning clammy from cold sweat, heartbeat too fast he could even hear it with his ear. Step by step, he enters the other room. Scanning the room, his sight instantly falls to you, smiling while looking down to the familiar box on your grasp. Your wavy hair settles perfectly on your shoulder, a serene smile formed on your lips.

‘I can’t, because I don’t want to let you hurt me again, Jungkook. Happy? I hate myself for letting myself trust and ending up getting hurt.’

Just when he is about to take another step closer to you, the remembrance of that night hits him straight in the gut. He is hurting you. Again. And you’ll leave. You’ll never want to see him again.

The weight on his shoulders triple at the petrifying scenario running through his mind, and Jungkook instinctively takes a step back and runs outside the room. No, he can’t do this. He is too scared. He thought he is ready to take every chance, but it turns out not much has changed, because he’s still the coward he was nearly five years ago.

Jungkook walks to the hotel balcony, heaving several deep breaths. The sky is exceptionally beautiful, the full moon is wandering in the sky and it invokes a memory within his mind.

About the night you cried in front of him for the first time.

“Are you afraid?” Jungkook whispered that night, gazing down at you. The loud blazing sound of bass was faintly heard, but both of you are sitting near the gate, looking out to the sky. You stare at him and shift back your empty gaze to the full moon. You despise that no matter how strenuous you tried to suppress the pain, it kept on rising back and numbs all your feelings.

“I am not afraid of you.” You weakly replied, the exhaustion vivid on your tone.

“I know.” Jungkook followed your gaze. “Are you afraid you’ll cry in front of me?”

You gazed at him, eyes filled with sadness and animosity. “What?”

“It’s literally a party inside. And you’ve been looking like you’re in a freaking funeral—well, beside the drinking part.” You were surprised with how susceptible he was. The day had indeed been counted as one of the worst days of your life, and it’s not even over yet. And you were fucking tired of crying, hence you decided to numb everything and wasted all your energy to alcohol instead. So at least you won’t remember again.

“Just cry.” He tranquilly whispers, his palm settles on the side of your face. “Those tears—I’ll catch them for you.”

And you just did.

Looking down to his lap, he is looking at the box on his grasp from you. Huffing a deep breath, he moves to open the box with not much thoughts—yet his mind abruptly turns blank after seeing the items resting in the box. 

What… are these?

“Are you afraid?”

Turning on his heel, Jungkook’s strained gaze fell on the eyes he thought would never see this up close again. It’s you. You are literally just a distance away in front of him right now, that he might need to pinch himself to ensure everything is not a piece of his hallucination. 

“What?” 

“Because you look like you’re about to cry.” You whisper calmly, arms folded on your chest. “Are you that afraid to meet me again?”

Jungkook is now staring at you, face conflicted. He is at haze on everything that just unfolded. “How did you—how did you know?”

“You think I won’t find out that you’re snowball?” You took a step closer, glancing at the items on the box. A basketball keychain and a frame of photo taken five years ago, the two of you side by side with a shy smile on both your faces. It was something he never thought would receive from his pen pal, even in his wildest dream.

“You think I won’t recognize you?”

Jungkook stutters. “What do you—”

“I know everything.” You cut him right away, face still expressionless. “I know it. You are snowball, I know you bribed Jimin into arranging, I know you are hiding by talking to me anonymously with snowball as an identity—everything. I know it’s you who I’m talking to these past seven weeks.”

A good five minutes passed before Jungkook could even let out a sound, let alone a coherent statement. 

“Are you… angry at me?”

“Yes.” You respond, not even missing a hint of hesitation in your tone. The physical pain is even more evident now. “I hate you. I hate you for fabricating lies about us. When I found out for the first time that it was you, I was furious. I felt played, like an idiot. I told you, I hate when someone lies to me. Do you remember?”

“I know.”

Another minutes spent staring each other, then you sigh in tiredness. “But more than anything, I missed you.” You continue, your tone falters as your eyes are far away, the sudden weakness stirs something inside his chest. “I miss you like crazy, and I took it. I took the lies, if it means I can talk to you again. Like an idiot, I didn’t think straight.”

Jungkook stares at you, waiting for you to continue. “I know I decided not to wait for you, but it was foolish. Waiting for you—that’s not an option I could make. And no matter how much I decided I need to stop thinking about you, I can’t. I am an idiot, who—”

At once, Jungkook is now hugging you close, not even a breath between the two of you. The feelings are familiar, yet so strange since the butterflies are knocking your stomach with nerves now. Jungkook is here. He is finally here, hugging you close. It’s literally the dream you’ve been having for a while now.

“I came back.”

You hum.

“For you. For the promise I made us.”

You hum.

“I am sorry. For everything. I shouldn’t have lied. I shouldn’t have bribed Jimin.”

You hum.

Jungkook lets you go, anxious at the possibility of you lying and suppress all your feelings just for the sake of him. “Can you say something? Anything. Please be mad at me, or anything, because you have the rights to. But please don’t be silent, I beg you.”

“I love you.”

Those three words are most absolutely not the word he is expecting. He confusedly searches your eyes. “If you said I can say anything, I want to say that for the first time. I love you, Jungkook.”

Jungkook stares at you, still in disbelief of the possibility of his hearing deceiving him. “What?”

“I love you. And I want to fight for us.” You whisper, squeezing his palm against yours. “ I am sorry too. I let my emotion and fear take over, and I hurt you. I am in this just like you are, so don’t blame yourself alone, hmm?”

“I love you too.” Jungkook responds, as he pulls you close by the nape, crashing his lips on yours and taking your breath away. “I love you more than anything. I love you more than anyone. I am sorry, I am very sorry.”

You hold him closer by the waist, minutes passed just to feel how warm he is against you, the familiar scent seeps inside your brain that disoriented your whole being. As he lightly bites your lower lips and instinctively forces a moan out of you,  you shivers. Jungkook swiftly takes the chance to push through and leaves a beautiful taste on your tongue. Your fingers run through his hair, feeling the soft hair falls between your fingers. Giving it a light tug, you are more than satisfied to find Jungkook is just as affected as you by the way he bemoans.

“Do you want to get out of here?” Jungkook creakily whispers, not even hiding the lust and desire lacing his tone and not even a second thought is spent, you nod. You are desperate to have him again like the way it was before, to leave nothing between the two of you, to feel him close and beg for him to take you again, pleasuring you like no one could. 

“By the way, you look beautiful tonight.” He smiles, squeezing your waist with his palm. “You always do, but maybe the fact that I haven’t seen you for seven weeks, now that you are wearing this beautiful dress—It’s just.. breathtaking.”

You roll your eyes, but are unable to suppress the beam on your lips. “You better keep that mindset, okay? Don’t you fucking dare say I look better naked later.”

Jungkook grins at that. “You know what? You just get me.”

“You know, I need to tell you this, but… I actually threatened Jimin to confirm that you are indeed snowball. And I have to say that it wasn’t pretty, and I wasn’t proud of it. We haven’t really been talking with each other after that..”

“What?!” Jungkook literally shouts, the imagination of you threatening Jimin with a knife forms on his head. No wonder he looks like a ghost after seeing him attend the event. “What did you do to the poor guy?!”

“Well, I may or may not… have caught him getting a blowjob from his teammate in the office one time.. And yup, you know the rest.” You wince, and hold out your palm together. “I swear, I have no intention to let anyone know, it was just a self defense method—”

“You just told me, you know.”

You pout, tugging on his blazer. “But you’re my Jungkook! It’s different.”

Jungkook sighs, but it’s foolish to lie that the possession terms you used before his name literally sends him into a blushing mess. He is unable to resist to steal a kiss from you once again. The moment your lips touching, you are left speechless—and wanting more that you still chase for his lips even after he pulls himself. You frown, folding your arms in indignation that you caught him grinning after. “Looks like someone is missing me too much, huh?”

“I hate you.” You obnoxiously spit.

“No, you love me.” 

“Yes, but I’m starting to regret it now.” 

Jungkook giggles, caressing the side of your pouty face. God, how is it possible to be luring and cute at the same time? Being with you is all kinds of emotions lured into one, and it left him wanting for more and more.

“I feel like I didn’t say this enough, but I love you, Y/N. I really, really do.” Jungkook whispers, as his finger pushes strands of hair to behind your ear, and you give him a smile which brightens his whole world. The moment he looks at you like this, he know he is sold. You’re his only sole chance, nothing and no one else.

“We’ll fight for each other, right?” Jungkook whispers and you stare at him back with a smile, and unlike before, this time you reply with a determined nod. One thing you know is that you’ll do anything to make the best out of each other—you’ll finally fight for what you feel instead of following your fear. Because you love Jungkook, and he feels the same way.

Oh, how he would trade everything to have this moment last forever...

===========================

I should have write this better lol was too distracted with life and kim soo hyun that its 🅱razy. I wish I have will to edit this too, tho

If you wonder if there’s an epilogue, there is! kindly follow me and slide into my ask box! stay safe, all!  💜💌

UPDATE : Find the Epilogue HERE !