#the thing is i’m going through an art skill gap

[i-am-a-fan]

what.

[satoruhour]

hii, i love your writing!! maybe can i get a fluffy megumi and his girlfriend on their first kiss please? S2

a/n: ty 4 the kind words anon!! also guys i love ur smut ideas but also send in some fluff like this one 💟 im becoming desensitised to the smut im writing i need some cute falling-to-my-knees fluff / all characters aged to 18 / 1k... (i go sorta insane when i write fluff)

“did you really have to drag me out now?” megumi always says one thing, and means it. that was the case most of the time — like how yuji had given him a ginger flavoured jelly bean because he mentioned one time he likes things with ginger, flaring up immediately with a temptation to summon his shikigami. or even the other time where maki had eaten the last cup of his banana pudding so he muttered under his breath that she was never going to get playful cloud back ever again.

it was stoicism upon stoicism until you were involved.

now he finds that he says one thing and means another, especially when you’re involved. you’re always there now — joining tokyo jujutsu high from a remote district in the south — offering some compromise or patting a gentle hand on his shoulder even when he claims he hates people touching him.

the small touches never halted, he only sinks into the contact bit by bit, until eventually he doesn’t know how he has his head under yours months later, legs entangled in the rustic jujutsu high dorm room. megumi’s unclear on how he craves your touch when your fingers accidentally brush against his, bridging the gap by taking your hand in his. the sorcerer wants to know why whenever your hands trace his features, they instantly relax and soften, letting a smile, that’s only for you to see, slip through.

and because you’ve only ever known his contradictory words, you knew he was fine with letting you bring him out onto the running track at almost midnight, lugging his body while still keeping your hand clutched in his.

“i’m sorry, babe! gojo-sensei pointed out methods that would improve my technique and cursed energy output. you’re the only one i can trust with training at this timing.”

the other opens his mouth to protest, but you’re not wrong. yuji almost always exerts himself to the maximum everyday, so he usually knocks out early and nobara frequents the second years’ part of the dorms to hang with them, but really, she goes there to talk to maki, and everyone but them knows. so megumi simply lets out a sigh and nods, blinking away the sleepiness to focus on you.

now, sparring with you is always a thrill as you’ve mastered a martial art specific to where you came from, and while megumi hates losing, he always gets a rush of adrenaline whenever you manage to one-up him; you do it with ease. the wind is knocked out of him when you tackle him for the second time that night, giggling as you hold down his stronger points: arms from all that summoning since young, torso from the training gojo puts him through. 

megumi stifles a smile at your victory and laughter, placing a cautionary hand on your waist, “you’re getting better at managing your cursed energy.” he compliments you softly and you beam before realising that you’re sort of cutting off his air supply. with a quick sorry! you’re standing and helping him up, the familiar rush of heat to your palms and faces.

“but my combat skills are still better, right?” you grin.

megumi who nods in defeat, is ready to go again, taking two paces back. but even though he makes mental notes about the new moves he’s seen, he’s not exactly on the offensive once you land one, two, three hits, simply dodging and moving out the way. you continue to give it your all, without the knowledge that your enthusiasm and passion is driving megumi insane.

it’s how the corners of your lips curl at a strong punch, how you wipe the sweat from your brow, how the fire in your eyes look just like how it did when you were defending megumi from todo. unparalleled, unwavering, paired with the soft, melancholy shifting of Luna on your face, going through all eight phases on your face alone like a sundial telling the time — and you look good in every hour.

so it’s no surprise when megumi gets thrown onto the floor for a third, final time, dazed as your cheers echo throughout the empty field. you’re more conscious of your weight, now, removing yourself from him before laughing again at your win, but when you turn back to have your lover welcome your elation, you’re stunned to see him smiling unchastened at you, encasing your hand in his palm.

megumi wordlessly places your hand on his chest and you suck in a breath when you hear the heartbeat there increasing in speed, meeting his eyes that are already fixed on you. it feels like the field is far below you, and you’re seeing your reflection in the beautiful dark blues of his eyes. the exorcising of curses takes you high but fushiguro megumi takes you higher until the altitude gets to you and you can’t breathe.

but you love it.

the dark-haired sorcerer strokes your cheek lovingly, breath stopping when he feels the warmth of your skin and he has to do it now or he’ll never have the courage to do it again.

“can i kiss you?” he asks, albeit a little timidly, but you don’t blame him with how you nod quietly as well, arms racing round his shoulder before his lips capture yours. it’s inexperienced and soft, testing the waters as your heads meet oddly and your teeth are bumping into each other.

“sorry, megumi.” you mumble. you don’t know what’s right or wrong, whether you should mess up the baby hairs on his nape.

“don’t be.” it’s barely above a whisper, and maybe you don’t have to know what’s right or wrong straightaway. “we’ll try again, okay, my love?”

“yeah.” is all you say, but you want to say millions more when you kiss for the second time that night. the tips of your fingers curl around his raven hair, his hands are shaky against your waist but the connection between your lips makes you drunk on your affection for him.

right or wrong doesn’t matter anymore, because whatever you’re doing, you’re sure your answer is megumi.

idk how to feel bout this one lads... i hope it’s okay

[thegothicalice]

Do you ever find yourself getting discouraged as an artist? I really want to make a sell a lot of art but I feel like I get discouraged quite a bit and worry anything I make isn’t going to be good enough.

By this point, not as much— tattooing for getting close to nine years has taught me to draw on command a lot, in addition to all the other art stuff I do because I can’t not create things— but being an artist comes with a bunch of imposter syndrome tendencies? I do art every day and accept that I’m good but always have room to improve and grow and learn, which will result in fuck-ups or even what feels like backslides. Sometimes I’m overthinking or wanting something specific and can’t quite puzzle out that gap between the technical knowledge and practical application and am convinced it’s a failing until I push through the block either by blind luck or many years of learned skill. The hardest thing’s always that your audience will never take the same thing from what you make as what you might intend, because taste is totally subjective. I think when it comes to selling your art there’s this discrepancy between your feelings and your potential buyers that you just kind of have to accept (I don’t know exactly how to word what I mean, hopefully this isn’t wrong). I’m always making stuff and tattooing is the bill-paying thing I know easily how to charge for but the big reason I rarely do commissions for other art is I don’t know how to price it.

I have a bunch of paintings in my space at work and each has prices based on one of three things— the “I like it but am willing to part with it for $$$” and the “I’m neutral on it and I’ve known it’s $$ since I finished it” to the “I’m tired at looking at it, it’s $ so get it away from me”— or even the “I’m gifting you this because I have three dozen pieces in my house and I want someone to love it more than I’m blind to it.”

I guess that last bit is the most relevant (since this is a ramble that’s possibly missed answering you correctly) because I make stuff that I’m not as pleased with compared to what I planned in my head, but someone will love it in a way that I never will and you just have to hope that that piece ends up with the right person. Best you can do is keep creating because making things, even when it’s hard or it’s not going how you planned, is good for you, and sharing it with others is worth it.

[papyrus-in-practice]

Hey, y’all! I wanted to give an update on Papyrus in Practice and other related stuff.

“It’s been about a year, where’s the next page!?”

Wow, when I saw it’s actually been a year, I kind of blanched a bit. I didn’t mean for the hiatus to last that long. Next page is actually done. In fact, a couple of pages are either done or close to done. I’m trying to build up a big buffer so that, hopefully, there will be a smaller gap between updates in the future. My plan is to have eight pages completed, line art for four pages done, have the script for the next scene done, and have a couple of pages worth of sketches ready. As I’m typing this, six of the eight next pages are done with the remaining ones in various stages of completion and two of the four next pages have finished line art. I’ve been working and reworking and re-reworking the script for the final scene for the past twenty months and honestly frustrated in how to wrap up the chapter in a satisfying way that won’t make me stuck on chapter 4 for another two years because the climax and conclusion is so long. So, that’s where I’m at now.

“I wrote something in the ask blog and didn’t get a response.”

I read every comment and every ask sent to me and, most likely, have at least attempted to write a script to answer it. But, I gotta weigh my options. Do I answer it at risk of delaying Papyrus in Practice for another month or focus on the comic? Depending on how elaborate the answer is, it might take a while to make a response. There are also things I just don’t know how to answer to and, believe me, I’ve tried coming up with a good answer, but I’m also still learning about life myself and I’ve found that, sometimes, my answer to a question has changed a lot over time. Sometimes, I’m afraid of saying something that’s ultimately harmful. It’s a tricky balance. At the end of the day, I've never guaranteed a response to any ask and never will guarantee a response. There are still some asks that I'd like to get around to, maybe if chapter 4 finishes or I get burnt out while making it and need a change of pace.

“Are you actually a therapist?”

Yup. I just graduated this past May with a masters in art therapy counseling. My title right now is a qualified mental health professional or QMHP. I’m waiting to take the National Counselor’s Exam to obtain my LPC but government paperwork is a looooong process(seriously, some of my colleagues have been waiting in the queue for over a year to get their LCPC). In the meantime, I can still practice as a therapist as long as I check in with a supervisor and have been practicing and slowly building my caseload for the past couple of months.

“Can you be my therapist/give therapy to this person?”

The short answer is no. The long answer is that there are a lot of ethical concerns when it comes to providing mental healthcare and breaching ethical guidelines could impede therapy progress, bring potential harm to the client, myself, or I could get in big legal trouble. I can also only practice if the client is located in my home state and goes through the company I work for since I need supervision to practice. However, I’d be happy to provide resources like websites that help you find a therapist, even for a reduced price, or self-help sites that can help you learn skills and develop tools to use that can boost your mental well-being. I cannot, however, provide mental health services.

“Will (insert character’s name) meet with Papyrus?”

Maybe. I’ve got ideas for characters in mind, but it’s more a question of how much longer I want to be doing this for. I’ll be honest with y’all, I’m getting burnt out. I want to do different projects or even revisit older projects, but I tell myself I can’t do that until I finish Papyrus in Practice or, at the very least, finish chapter 4. I didn’t think this chapter would go on for as long as it has, but it also makes sense. We’ve already hit page 25 which is almost as long as the entirety of chapter 3 and I don’t even know if we’re halfway done with the chapter yet. The way it’s looking, chapter 4 may easily hit at least 50 pages.

“So, when will you be posting again?”

Soon! Hopefully, before the end of the year. When I start updating again, I’ll be posting one page every other week which gives at least a few months of content for y’all.

That being said, I’ll see you soon!

-Meemie

[what-the-fluxxation]

So recently I thought the whole Xuanfeng idea was a bit narratively lacking, why not add some more bulk to the story behind a big murder robot? That leads me to this.

Ancient War Machine

A Nine Sols Mini / Partial AU

A rough sketch of the Aberrant Receptacle Key

Summary

This AU is a direct expansion to the Xuanfeng idea I had as of recent, turning a simple concept boss into a whole questline with original lore ideas and an original story.

Content

As a mini / partial AU, only a small amount of game lore is reworked, most of the content within Nine Sols remains unchanged. A few unique things to look out for are:

- A concept boss to fill the rapid transition from Jiequan to Lady Ethereal

- A moderate sized quest-line involving Ruyi

- Multiple lore entries hinting at the origins of Xuanfeng

- Key items with descriptions for this quest-line

- A short story detailing the gaps in the origins of the machine

- One solarian’s miserable fate

- Several sketches of mediocre skill of both Xuanfeng and lore figures / key items

This AU, told mostly through writing with a few visual aids, will serve not only to give a peek at the brutal past of Solarian weapons development, but also serve to outline existing characters in a sharper view, giving Ruyi’s more database oriented abilities more time to shine, and showing just how low the Jie clan is willing to go for tools to win conflicts.



Don’t expect this to be done quickly or the art to be well made, if you want that, there’s plenty of other far better thought-out and well made AUs for Nine Sols. This is a project I’m taking up knowing full well I really don’t have the time for it, but I love this game and I want to make a contribution that at least one or two people might find cool, so I’m doing it anyway.

Previous content regarding Xuanfeng is still canon, it will just be incorporated, and likely undergo slight changes as the AU takes shape.

旋风

静止

[clowngames]

i’m a game dev student at an art school and i’ve been really struggling with finding my niche…. i LOVE being a environment/modeler/texture artist, and i want to have more skills in the design/tech side… but i’ve been struggling really hard with learning unreal engine 5 for my classes. do you have any experience in unreal5 blueprinting or just anything more on the tech side? i would appreciate some advice to get through these tough college quarters :’D

Whenever someone entering gamedev on the programmer side is struggling to figure it out, there are generally two reasons for this.

The first is that they're struggling to get into the programmer mindset. Blueprints try to bridge the gap, but code doesn't work like english. It doesn't even work like the human brain. When we think or talk we take shortcuts to formulate or convey ideas because we can trust that when it comes time to interpret those ideas another person (or ourselves in the future) will fill in those gaps. This is so intuitive to us that we don't even notice that there are gaps. Programming forces you to become aware of how many gaps there are and fill them, and quite frankly it's a humbling experience.

I'm probably not saying anything you don't already know, but I want to emphasize that the way coding works is unintuitive to most people and we need to retrain our way of thinking to get good at it. This is unfortunately not a fast process. It's very common especially for new programmers (though I'm not immune even now) to go "I'm a fucking idiot, I'm a fucking idiot, I'm a fucking--I'M A GENIUS" because of the cycle of shit not working for stupid reasons and then finally working.

The second problem is that they're unfamiliar with (and overwhelmed by) the library they're working with.

A "library" in a programming context is typically collection of functions and objects you can import into a project, but each game engine has its own built in libraries which the engines are built around. These are the verbs and nouns that aren't built into, for example, C++, but have been added by Unreal Engine to make it easier to make games.

The better the game engine, the larger the library. Unfortunately, the larger the library the more overwhelming it is because that's a lot of shit to learn.

In your case anon the "library" would refer to the different kinds of nodes you can add to the blueprint. When you're new to it, even an expert Unity dev will struggle in Unreal because they don't know what their options are to accomplish things.

Now the reason I break down the new-programmer hurdles into two distinct problems is because they often seem like one problem, which can make it hard to solve. Both get better with experience so sometimes slamming your head against a wall is a viable way to get through them, but it's not the best.

If you think your main issue is the first problem, you can work on it through "exercise." This can be in the form of taking programming courses on codecademy (I'd recommend C++ since you're using Unreal, though C# isn't a bad choice) or by playing a game by Zachtronics like Infinifactory or Opus Magnum. These games are "programming puzzle games" and I can personally attest to having gotten better at Infinifactory as I got better at programming.

If you think it's the second problem, the biggest solvent is curiosity. When I get into a new engine, I spend a bit of time learning how it works and then immediately try and figure out how to do dumb shit in it. I made an incremental game in RPG Maker just to see if I could. It wasn't good, but it was a fun educational experience. Sometimes I'll come across a function I don't understand, and I'll open the engine's manual and read about the function and use that as a jumping off point to dive into similar functions.

It doesn't feel good for my advice to be "read the manual" but genuinely there's a point where you realize that you're reading the manual instead of watching youtube videos and it's like, holy shit I'm a real programmer. It's a sign that you're getting comfortable enough in the role that you're learning what questions to ask to figure out what you need to know (youtube is still a great resource of course).

All of that said though, if your aim is to be an environment artist I think it's okay to be bad at programming. Survive college, of course, but if you're in a team with a dedicated programmer (which you will be if you are not the programmer) then all you need is to be able to understand how to communicate with the programmer. It's really beneficial to know enough about the fundamentals of what you're working in to know what info the programmer needs from you and what info you need from them, but you don't have to be good at it to do that!

[asklordofthelost]

Death’s Story

Hello, everyone! Since it has been some time since an ask has been answered, and I haven’t made any posts regarding the canon surrounding its timeline plus Death himself, I figured I should put out a more in-depth written timeline so people don’t have to comb through the blog to understand all of it (especially since it was more on the random and silly side at the start, though there is no actual ongoing storyline to this blog).

This can also be considered a retcon of sorts for information revolving around Death’s past, whether it be from headcanon-based posts or asks.

As a note, this is all based on my own interpretation of the series and while I’m completely okay with people making fan art based on it, I’d rather not have my ideas used for anyone’s interpretations. Basic things like a character’s personality are fine, as it’s based on what’s seen in the series, but events I’ve made up for Death’s story (and a certain pair of twins down the line) are things I’m very proud to have put together myself, so I’d ask to please use your own imaginations for your own versions of the characters!

That being said, the full summarized story is below the Read More. It’s fairly long, so it’s suggested to be in a good place to read before checking it out (that or it can always be read a little at a time)! I’ve even separated it into sections to make it a little easier to navigate.

Trigger warning: There are vague mentions of suicide and clear mentions of child abuse and neglect in certain areas.

Unfortunately, I could not avoid these as they are essential to the story. If these are triggering for you, I’d advise doing what’s best for your mental health and avoiding this post if need be.

Beginnings

Death is an entity who came into being from the forgotten skull of a deceased person from ancient times. This is in connection to Midnight Horror School, where forgotten objects and the like become sentient and alive – although instead of being brought to life inside the school where the series takes place, his revival, plus many others, was a phenomenon which the school was founded on.

While young, Death was taught by Mr. Salaman in order to hone his skills, or his “wonder” in communing with the dead and guiding them. This was highly necessary for him to learn, as souls from reality were ending up in the alternate dimension where they resided at a more rapid pace, since society was shifting towards a more work-centric lifestyle where stress was more common.

Mr. Salaman was the one who gifted Death’s cap. Sweden’s flag was not quite established at the time, but its previous iteration, which was for naval and war purposes, had been. Why his teacher chose this nation is unknown, but it could be assumed it was because Death’s skull originated from that general area. (Iwata’s reasoning behind Death’s design cannot be applied in canon – The Seventh Seal came out in 1957, and his graduation was far before then).

During graduation, Death’s scythe materialized before him as he realized his true power to sever souls’ ties to reality. Once this was accomplished, he was set out to find where he was to go and what he was to do – which eventually led him to discovering the entrance to the Lost World high in the sky. There were already many souls in need of his ability to pass on in peace, so he started work right away.

 Rise of Gregory House

Although busy, Death was pretty content with his job and its natural flow until everything suddenly changed. Not as many souls were appearing, which left gaps in time where he was left wondering why this was happening. Out of curiosity, he left the Lost World to find a hotel had been established far below the gate to his little pocket dimension. One which, curiously, drew in quite a few of the souls he was supposed to save.

He took it upon himself to go over and find out what was going on. Inside, he met Gregory, who gave him the impression he was merely helping the souls relax before passing, while those who had lost their way from reality were to stay until they were ready to go back. At first glance, it really seemed like he was telling the truth… and maybe he was, at the start.

Suspicions only rose higher and higher as the number of souls who arrived to the Lost World dwindled. Given the ample opportunities he had to go visit Gregory House, he made some disturbing discoveries: Monster people were popping up out of nowhere, and very few souls were actually roaming the halls.

Stumbling into Gregory Mama’s room was the final straw for him. So many souls were contained in glass bottles, lining up the shelves. She was in the middle of consuming one of them when he barged in, which elicited a confrontation. Death demanded the souls to be let go, only to be redirected to Gregory who he tried to reason with to stop her… but there was reluctance. Death wanted to settle things peacefully, without having to take drastic action, yet he was given no choice.

Unfortunately, he was no match for Gregory Mama’s powerful magic, and a curse was placed on him to cause him pain every time he tried to enter the hotel. This did not stop him from snooping, however, as his powers developed enough to let him open dimensional windows to peer through. When he finally learned that the monsters living there were originally humans from reality, he attempted to save a young boy from this fate, only to be stopped by Gregory Mama. The hex placed on him was strengthened, and he was rendered unable to enter the building at any capacity, lest he collapse on himself.

Since there was not much he could do, Death ventured to reality to see if there was anything he could do in order to stop this madness. But try as he might to reason with people, to assure them life was worth it, he scared them far too much. So, he returned home, and began calculating potential plans to foil the rat family’s schemes.

 The Last Train

When he returned to his own dimension, it would appear that humans were not the only ones struggling. Gregory had gone missing from the looks of things, and in order to find him, he followed a curious James to a train station he did not recall existing in the first place. On the train itself, Gregory had been riding it with no destination in mind, seeking to escape from his own work. In truth, he was stuck on an endless journey, with plenty of lost souls joining for the ride.

Sticking to the shadows, Death watched and waited for the right opportunity to approach. It was clear Gregory was having second thoughts, and the compassion he had for others had not been snuffed out. He could see it through his willingness to aid several, even if his own selfish actions caused the untimely demises of a few – or so the train wanted him to believe. It made Death wonder if it was trying to teach Gregory something, and it might have been.

The train’s blackout was his chance to set things straight, especially since the vehicle was fueled on the power of souls. He made his appearance in the engine room, and attempted to plant the seed required for Gregory to understand that souls were not just a source of energy to be exploited, and had feelings of their own. To keep the Lost World’s location safe, he lied about knowing where it was and how to bring the souls of the train to it, hoping Gregory would find out through sheer determination alone.

But it was not enough. Gregory had failed, given up, and shifted his resolve elsewhere, towards what he had always known. In doing so, the train was brought to Gregory House instead, dooming the souls aboard and becoming a toy replica in the process. All of the visions of guests he had met on his trip would eventually become a part of the hotel’s ever-expanding list of permanent residents, which Gregory adapted to in his own way.

 The First Guest

This result and the subsequent losses he had to witness from afar left Death embittered for a time. His voice had become sullen and grave, as opposed to his calmer and friendlier tone, and he forced himself to focus on his work until another arrival to the hotel caught his eye. A businessman endeavoring to escape his life of endless work and familial expectations had become Gregory’s next target. He was far more ordinary compared to the others he had seen wind up in this place, and yet, he somehow had the guts to try and find a way back to reality.

At the end of the man’s journey, Death tested his resolve to return home as Gregory’s ghastly true form tailed him from behind, asking if he truly wanted to return to a boring life full of repetitive daily routines. Much to Death’s surprise, he said yes, and while he was not entirely sure if he was telling the truth, Death did sever his bond with the ghost and let him go, only to be met with disappointment not long after. As he should have expected, Stephen Haniwa returned to the hotel and became a permanent guest.

 Gregory Gallery Tour

Amazingly, Haniwa’s relevance did not end there. Not long after shifting form, he was dragged off by Gregory to a new attraction connected to the hotel, the Gregory Gallery. While this did catch Death’s attention, he found it pretty irrelevant up until Gregory had somehow fed a soul to the portrait of Gregory Mama, which had dangerous implications. What made matters worse was that a portrait of himself was on display, with a replica of his scythe seated in front of it.

Rage began to boil as Gregory began to weave lies about who Death was as an entity, painting him to be malevolent one. Furious, his voice boomed throughout the museum, and he reminded Haniwa of what had become of him. Bestowing his power onto the duplicate scythe, Death encouraged the businessman to swing at an encroaching Gregory, who had taken his horrific ethereal form once more.

Although the blade missed its mark and slammed into the floor, the power imbued within it caused the entire gallery to come crumbling down. This set Haniwa’s soul free, allowing him to find a new life at a desert city, while Gregory had to recover from the loss. Death was given some time to breathe before the next exceptional guest was to arrive. In that time, he calmed considerably enough to sound like his usual self again.

 The Second Guest

While taking care of his usual rounds, Death was caught off-guard by one particular soul belonging to a lady who was supposed to be alive, separated from her own body. These incidents had been growing in frequency, but what was notable about this particular one was that the body was about to be sacrificed by Mono-Eye Wizard and his followers – all to summon him, much to his chagrin. Although he addressed the problem with humor, deep down he was pretty suspicious about the whole ordeal, and as soon as she went back, he watched and understood why something was off.

For the first time, he witnessed a guest who was so fed up with her misfortunes that she retaliated, and quite violently, at that. This gave Gregory more than enough reason to be rid of her quickly, to be gifted to his mother as always. Despite these attempts, this woman came close to escaping, but was distracted by a raging inferno caused by resident Neko Zombie, who was spurred to act by her own compassion towards him. She was urged to sacrifice herself to the flames, so that the hotel may fall for good, but she was too frozen in fear to act.

It burnt down, yet Gregory and his family persisted in the form of living cadavers. And, much to Death’s dismay, the first person to have ever fought back so persistently had become one of them. The hotel reconstructed itself in an instant, and it was as if nothing ever happened, with the exception of a new permanent guest living within the old building.

Much was learned that day. Everyone living within Gregory House, plus the house itself, were immortal. If Gregory and his mother were ever to be thwarted, someone would have to be willing to do what Gregory’s new sister could not, for the hotel itself was likely tied to the existence of one’s fears and doubts. Given the nature of this dimension, Death had to wonder if making a self-sacrifice would even physically harm the person. Was it perhaps much like how his scythe’s blade separated one’s soul from reality?

 An Ally

In the coming years, the questions built as Death kept an eye on the hotel and inspected it from afar. Due to his curse, he was hesitant to come near the place to do any investigating of his own. Day in, day out, all he could do was watch between his rounds. Nothing seemed to change until an oddity occurred unprompted.

Right before his very eyes, the tormented cat who gave Gregory the most trouble appeared out of thin air, floating in the space he called home. It was a perplexing ordeal for the both of them, but after conversing for a time, they discovered Neko Zombie had fallen asleep, a rarity for him, and was somehow projected to the Lost World in his dreams. Why? He was the only resident who remembered his past life, and was the only one who had been an animal, no less. While he had grown more aggressive due to his cruel treatment, his soul remained uncorrupted and pure.

Neither had spoken before, but they could both tell they had the same goal. If Gregory House was to fall, they would have to work together – one being an outsider who could make a path to reality, and the other being an insider with knowledge on the hotel and its guests. Thus, the two discussed a potential plan for the future.

 Soul Collector

Death and Neko Zombie’s plan came into effect on a fateful night where a pair of extraordinary humans arrived at Gregory House. They were twins, a boy and a girl, by the names of Hiroshi and Hiroko. Not long after they had been given a room, Neko Zombie yowled for their attention and let them in on the details once they unlocked his cell and entered.

Both were in disbelief of what the mangled cat told them to do: to collect lost souls from the monstrous-looking guests and bring them to Death himself. In truth, they were originally meant to steal from Gregory Mama, but an accident of James’s doing sent many souls out into the halls, which were caught by multiple residents who would be much easier to deal with. Neko Zombie did not tell them anything about the true boss and omitted anything related to her from his explanation, for their sakes.

None of this made sense to the twins, and they thought they were just having a vivid nightmare. Regardless, they followed his instructions to go to bed and it soon became clear that they were not dreaming.

To their horror and amazement, the grim reaper himself did appear to them in their dreams. Sporting a rather goofy voice and personality, so as not to frighten them, Death explained that while the front door used to be kept unlocked, it had been latched in recent days to prevent complications with newer human guests. If they were to escape, they needed the power of the souls they would gather to force it open. Death detested the idea of putting two kids in danger, but they were already doomed the moment they stepped through those double doors.

Over the past several days the two had stayed at the hotel, Death learned about them more and more each time they visited him. Hiroshi was the quieter, more self-conscious of the two, and was more suited to tasks which required sneaking and gathering intel. Hiroko was far more energetic and reckless, which made her the designated risk-taker and runner. Of the two, the latter was the one who was injured the most by the guests, and needed Death to heal her frequently. Luckily, the souls they gave him could do just that.

Although Hiroshi and Hiroko had to trick the guests in order to secure the souls, they were actually good kids and did not deserve to be placed here, much like many others in the past. Whenever they spoke, the two were nothing but respectful and thankful to Death (although Hiroko was much more informal). It was a strange and new feeling for the reaper, to be able to speak with people so frequently and be seen as a friend. Their smiles were something he found himself wanting to protect, even more so when they eventually opened up to him about their past.

The reason they had ended up in this hellish limbo was due to the abuse and neglect of their parents, which they told Death about towards the end of their journey. It broke his heart to learn of this, and brought him great concern regarding their futures. He had to ask himself, “What would become of them, once they return to reality?”

Death constantly worried and fretted over this on the final day. No matter the outcome, he was afraid they would never be happy. Either their souls would be consumed, or they would go back to living a life where they were unwanted. He sincerely wished there was another option, perhaps even to care for them himself, but that was impossible. Being what he was, and living where he was, they would not survive.

Matters only worsened when it became apparent his and Neko Zombie’s plan had been found out. Not long after the souls were set loose to open the front doors, the entrance was immediately locked by none other than Gregory Mama herself, who awaited the kids’ arrival. They were captured and imprisoned downstairs, which spurred Neko Zombie to act and free them. The last thing he could do was give some final words of encouragement before they went out to face the wicked witch.

A boss battle was not what they were expecting to end things off with in the slightest, although Hiroko was pretty jazzed about it. Together, they outsmarted Gregory Mama into busting the doors open and made their escape. Gregory, in a last-ditch effort, shed his usual form and chased after them, attempting to coax them back by reminding them of the lives they ran away from.

They refused to listen, and met Death at the gateway to reality, which he opened for them. Heartfelt goodbyes were shared, and the reaper was pulled into a hug from them both, catching him off-guard. It hurt, knowing he had to let them go. Was this how friends usually felt, when they had to say farewell?

Two last things were bestowed upon him before the twins were to leave. As a parting gift, they gave him two handkerchiefs: one blue and striped, like the shirt Hiroshi wore, and one pink with a flower pattern on it, much like the design on Hiroko’s shirt. They thanked Death for everything he had done, and told him to thank Neko Zombie as well.

And thus, Hiroshi and Hiroko went on home, hoping that, together, they could tackle reality with the confidence they had gained over the course of their stay at Gregory House. Death, too, had held this hope in his very own soul…

 Reality

Death really wanted it to end differently, for once. For a human guest or two to return home and never look back. Those kids were tough, he assured himself, and as the days passed, his fear dwindled.

But it was not to be. His hopes were betrayed the moment they stepped through those doors again.

He could not bear it, watching history repeat itself. An overwhelming agony overtook him, as, not long after they entered, their shapes shifted. They became a pair of what were infamously known as Trap Mice to the residents of the hotel, which were robotic mice programmed to attack whatever drew near to them – including their own kind.

In an act of unintentional mercy, it did not come to that. They were immediately shut down and stowed away in the hotel’s basement, where they would gather dust forever. To Gregory and his family, it was a fitting punishment for a “no-good pair of troublemakers,” who had caused them the most grief out of any human guest.

The fate of Hiroshi and Hiroko left a deep scar in Death’s psyche. It happened so quickly, yet it still haunts him to this day. Forcing himself to carry on, he takes care of his work and strives to save as many souls as he can without being hindered, though there are times when he cannot help but sit there, brooding over the closest friends he ever had.

They were gone, just like that. And he feels could have done something to stop it.

[camp-counselor-life]

I used to be a girl scout, my grandparents forced me to, and we never got to go camping i just remember my grandparents forcing me to go door to door in january when it was below freezing to sell cookies to the neighborhood. i hated my girl scout experience so much. but now i’m a guy and i work at a ymca day camp, it’s ballin. it’s nice to know from reading your blog that some girl scout troops out there actually do fun things and aren’t horrible, and that my experience was prolly just an outlier.

Hi friend,

I'm glad that you found a camp you like. As far as your Girl Scout experiences goes, the cookies, the no camping, I won't say that it's common, but I will say it's not unique.

Being a volunteer driven organization, so so much of Girl Scouting at the troop level is dependent on that particular set of volunteers and parents. For the most part, troops are run by moms, who follow their daughter(s) through the program then leave. Troops are generally not established by a specific organization and there is not a set of volunteers with each troop that has specific skills. Within badges, there's a certain amount of leeway, so it's not prescribed that you have to do XYZ exactly this way. Each council is incredibly different and does very different things, based on staffing, council size and geography, properties, and other resources. @ddienw and I are in neighboring councils and there's some similarities but also a lot of differences. This makes it very different from Scouts BSA (for example), which is a benchmark Girl Scouts is often judged by. Not better or worse, just different.

But, because of this structure, what kids experience in Girl Scouts is so varied. Like, we try to encourage a variety of experiences - STEM, camping, arts, athletics, etc, but not all troops do all things. It's unfortunate, and we try to bridge the gap with council and partner programs, but communication with families to share these opportunities is difficult, and it was more difficult a decade or two ago.

I hear where you are coming from and I'm sorry you had that experience. A lot of troops are really cool, and if you'd ever like a do-over, councils do accept volunteers of all genders, although maybe not in every position.

Have a great summer!

[cmenvs3000w23]

Nature Interpretation Through Art

This week’s topic of interpretation through art really expanded my perception of nature interpretation, and the ways in which the methods and strategies for interpreting both subjects mirror one another. Prior to this week, I wouldn’t have typically considered myself an arts person. I tend to power through art galleries, was always frustrated with my lack of drawing skills growing up, and never really got “it” when looking at fine art. And although these examples are specific to the traditional fine arts such as painting, sketching and sculpting, my brain is guilty of defaulting to imagining those mediums first when thinking of the word "art". But after engaging with this week’s reading material, I’m left thinking maybe I am an arts person after all. 

A line from the text that really started to initiate a reflection on the ways in which my roles so far as a nature interpreter have intersected with art interpretation was: "Many interpreters who are not professional actors don costumes to get across their messages " (Beck et. al, 2018, p.219). I realized that I had literally done this exact thing while working during the maple syrup season at a conservation authority. I dressed in early settler clothing to teach about one of the methods used in the past to make maple syrup, walking around my sap filled cauldrons heating up over individual campfires. And although this is a seemingly obvious and direct example of using the arts in nature interpretation, I realized that most of the general production overview list in Box 10.2 (Beck et. al, 2018, p.219) from the text were planning strategies that could essentially be applied to all of the nature interpretation programs I’ve designed or facilitated. Some of the more directly relevant ones being: audience needs and expectations, program outline, facilities and equipment, and evaluation. Additionally, I’ve also included similar elements to visual art within programming, having students engage with their senses to find patterns in texture, sound, and smell. 

Pictured below is some fun looking patterned moss I observed while on a coastal trail on Vancouver Island.

My goal of nature interpretation: to facilitate a connection and care for the natural world in order to spark environmental stewardship, is achieved by creating programs that audiences can connect with both physically, emotionally and socially. And essentially that’s exactly what art is trying to achieve, an emotional connection and response (Boeckel, 2014). People aren’t going to care about something that they don’t understand, and I’ve always found that to be a major gap in achieving positive strides towards meaningful environmental change. If a majority of the population doesn’t understand the significance of why certain aspects of nature need to be protected, then we will continue the dance of 2 steps forward 2 steps back, depending on which political party is in power. This is where I believe the role of environmental education and nature interpretation is critical for the upcoming generations. 

After all this, my point is that maybe I just never got “it” when it came to the traditional visual arts because no one ever taught me how to interpret them. I don’t recall experiencing a program where a passionate individual intentionally created an art experience for an audience to engage with in a meaningful way. The same strategies that are applied to creating meaningful environmental education programs, where learners can hopefully leave with a greater sense of understanding and appreciation for something, are used across all subjects, but seemingly especially for art. "Though perhaps unintentionally, art became an exclusive thing—if one lacked the “proper background” to appreciate art, then one need not expect answers to uncouth questions" (Beck et. al, 2018, p.228). I want my learners to question the decisions being made regarding their present environment, and their relationship with the environment of the future, and in order to do that, the foundation of a "proper background" must be developed.

Although I’ve never (yet!) connected with traditional visual arts, I’ve always loved and appreciated nature photography. A cool reflective shot I took of Tlakwa Mountain at dawn, during a camping trip on Vancouver Island. I enjoy flipping the photo upside down to really appreciate and remember the glassy stillness of the water that morning.

Citations:

Beck, L., Cable, T. T., & Knudson, D. M. (2018). Interpreting cultural and natural heritage : for a better world. Sagamore Venture.

Boeckel, J. (2014). At the heart of art and earth: An exploration of practices in arts-based Environmental Education. Environmental Education Research, 21(5), 801–802. https://doi.org/10.1080/13504622.2014.959474

[soursavior]

I’ve been seeing a lot of friends posting that one image that says something like “Don’t start making your resolutions for next year without acknowledging the things you’ve accomplished this year first.” That makes sense to me. Can’t know where you’re going unless you know where you’ve been.

2022

At the start of the year, I got pushed out of the job I’d been doing for over a decade. I’d become very comfortable there, despite the abuse. They took away my hours then offered me longer hours at a worse site for less pay. I took it because we didn’t have the savings to make it through if I didn’t, but it spurred me on to new heights of job searching. I eventually took a gamble on a temp position in a totally new to me industry. It was a big increase in pay, assuming I could impress them enough to stay past the initial contract. I was nervous, but I put in the effort. I excelled. My boss and his boss and her boss all fought hard to convince the budget people and in November I got converted to permanent. I was about to say “I’m still at the bottom rung” but that’s not even really true outside of my department. The point is, it’s the first job I’ve had where I could genuinely call it a career. I like the work, I like my coworkers, and I’ve had positive interactions with every layer of management including the CEO.

In May, I drew an orangutan with a sword for one of my internet friends. I hadn’t tried to draw anything more complicated than a stick figure since grade school, but I put in the time and pulled up reference and came out with something that was at least recognizable. I was a little nervous showing it to my friend, because she’s a professional artist, but she was super supportive. The next day I bought my first sketchbook. My wife encouraged me to draw every day if I wanted to get better at it, so I did. There wound up being some gaps, for practical reasons, and now that it’s a habit I take the occasional day off. And you know what? It worked. I’ve filled two sketchbooks, plus half of a travel sketchbook, plus some digital pieces. The drawings I’m producing now aren’t professional quality or anything, but if you put them side by side with the earlier stuff it’s easy to see that practice works.

In August I had my dick cut off. That involved quite a few days of missing out on drawing practice. It had been in the works for over a year by that point. I’m not rolling in cash, so I had to chart a course that would appease our health insurance. Luckily, I live in a place with pretty strict laws about how insurers have to behave with regards to gender affirming care. Also luckily I had started my new job that I could do while lying in bed as long as I had my work laptop and wasn’t taking opiates. I couldn’t do the kind of walking or even sitting upright that my old security job needed for over 2 months, but my mind worked just fine. 

I also made new friends this year. I won’t call you all out, but I think I know who you are.

I made a new personal website as a hub for my online presence because individual social media platforms are so unstable.

I read over my resolutions from last year. None of them had anything to do with any of this stuff. They were: Stay Invested in my new ttrpg campaign; make a new card game or remake one of my existing ones; remember to promote the games I have for sale more often; continue working on my self-photography skills; and treat myself gently. Of those, I only did the photography one. So, let’s bear that in mind as I lay out some goals for next year.

2023

Make a new card game or remake one of the ones I’ve pulled from circulation. Now that I’m doing my own art stuff, it should be easier than ever to make a game. I just have to do it.

Draw more. Keep improving. Specifically, draw more naked ladies than I did in 2022. In 2022 I made 29 drawings of 6 naked ladies (7 if you count the clothed model that I turned into a building sized naked monster), so I’ll need to arrange at least 30 drawings and 8 models. I’ve got 3 already lined up. Got to find at least 5 volunteers to help provide reference. (My DMs are open.)

Sing more. Consider learning an instrument. Not a mouth instrument, one I can do while singing.

This time for real, treat myself gently.

[alph4m00n]

My... Future?

BGM - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IyMJ4FhYiEw 

It was just another day, sitting at the usual cafe studying. Well, aside from the fact that I felt a disturbance in the force lol.

“Yo!” someone said behind me, a hand on my shoulder.

I turn around and see that it’s just Mori. “Oh, hey.”

“Whatcha doin?” she asked, peering over my shoulder.

“Just some differential equations.”

“Ooooh, you’ve always been good at those things haven’t you?”

“No, not really. I’m just lucky I can learn most things faster than other people.”

“That’s a humble way to brag.” she smirked, smacking my head.

“Ow. Please stop smacking my head already. It’s abuse. I don’t know how I haven’t gotten brain damage yet.” I replied, rubbing the sore spot.

“Alright, alright. Chill if I do some work too?” she said, sitting in the chair next to me.

“Do some work or just doomscroll again?”

“Busted.” she giggled, pulling out her phone.

I continued doing my problems, with the silence occasionally broken by her laughing and poking me.

“Hey.”

“Hello.”

“I did actually come here to ask you something.”

“Oh? That’s rare for your brain to be working.”

“True” she laughed. “Anyways, I wanted to ask: Why do you wanna be an engineer?”

“Didn’t I tell you before? I can tolerate working with circuits, so I just decided to do this for a living and then travel when I have enough money.”

“Yeah that’s what you told me at first, but you know that’s not true too, right?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, putting down my pencil.

“Well, you said all you’ve done all of your life is follow your brother’s footsteps right? And from what you’ve told me, this is basically your first time making your own decision. You’re still sticking to your family’s given path though.”

“Right. Where exactly are we going with this?”

“Basically what I’m trying to ask is: Do you really want to be an engineer?”

“I don’t really know. All I know is that this pays above average and I can live comfortably while working.”

“You know you can’t work in an office environment.”

“I do, but I can just power through.”

“It’s ok to do something that you truly want to do yanno?”

“But... what do I want to do?”

“You’ve never had to make a choice, and now that you’re finally in charge of your life, you don’t know what to do with it. How’s that?”

“I guess you being a psychology major is fate? You’re not wrong though, you’re good at this.”

“Thanks.” she said with a smug grin.

“So where do I go from here? It’s not like I can just figure out what I want to do.”

“Maybe you should take a year off and figure out what you really want to do. But if you’re really lost, I think your writing is really good and there are a lot of other people that think the same.”

“It’s not something I can just do though, and making it as a writer takes actual skill, not what I have.”

“You’re always like this yanno, so pessimistic. It’s ok to have an ego yanno. Also, weren’t you writing that visual novel with your friend?”

“Oh yeah that, it just keeps getting put off because I just never end up having the time to write out everything. I’ve gone through three stories already because I just lose the motivation to write for that story. Short stories are the easy way out.”

“Then just take the gap year! I’ll do the art for your visual novel at a discounted price!”

“Haha, thanks Mori. I’ll have to go talk with my family though.”

“Yep, yep! Do that first! Let me know how it goes!”

“But, do you think they’ll just accept that I want to quit college for a year?”

“Well, from what you’ve told me about them, I think they’ll be ok with it? They seem pretty chill to me, so I think you’ll be fine!”

“Well, first boss to beat is my brother, so let’s do that...”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just... suddenly I’m scared to even confront them.”

“Why? There’s nothing to be scared of yanno.”

“Right, yet I’m still held back by this fear.”

“I’m here if ya need me, but this you’ll have to do yourself. I won’t interfere too much with this. It’s familial matters after all.”

“T-Thanks...”

After some texting between my brother and the family, along with some procrastination along the way, I am officially no longer an engineer.

“I-It’s over. I-I’m free.” I cried.

“It’s ok, you’ll be alright, I know it.” she said, putting my head on her shoulder.

“T-Thank you.”

“Just let all the stress out. You’ve been holding it together for a few years too long.”

We sat in the empty cafe with only sniffling and machines humming filling the silence. The owner brought over two cups of tea to the table after I gathered myself, “Congratulations. Now here comes the hard part, Kira. Now you have to find who you want to be. Not what other people want you to be, what you want yourself to be. It took me two decades and it led me to this little cafe in my hometown. If you ever feel lost, feel free to come by and we can have a talk. An old man’s wisdom, you can call it.”

“Thank you, Mr. Tanaka. I’ll remember that.”

“Isn’t that great, Kira! You basically have a mentor now!”

“I feel... so free. Like I’ve finally let go of the burden that I always carried.”

“Right? Now go do you’ve wanted to do for all these years!”

“I’ll get started on those novels first, and I’ll keep writing for the handful of fans I have out there. I don’t know if I should tell them about this though... I have been open with pretty much most of my life with them.”

“Up to you! It’s your private life after all, you don’t have an obligation to tell them.”

“Yeah, you’re right. When I feel like it’s time to tell them, I guess.”

[thatinsufferablenerd]

Sassy For Some Reason

It’s gotten cold at night. Like, hovering just above freezing while it’s dark out cold. It’s still sunny and fairly nice during the day, I like that. Our dogs have taken to sunning themselves on the back porch, laying on the vents or climbing into our laps to share body heat in our poorly insulated house. Our smallest dog is 40 pounds, but I don’t mind. The street dog we took in a couple months ago is thriving on spoiled couch time and the twins have always been like this. All that’s left of the bug I caught is the cough I can’t kick. My energy is back, my motivation, the aches gone, getting better sleep. Today I opened the box for the STEM advent calendar my mom sent to my kids, they’re over the moon at the idea. 

We’re still fucking broke, though. My husband is just as stressed as I am, even if he’s not having literal nightmares about bussing tables for brunch on Mother’s Day. We’ve agreed that I’m going to try to look for remote work first, something part time just for supplementary income. If that fails, then I’ll look for something in person. I haven’t worked since 2015, so learning the modern job market and updating a resume is going to be…a trip. I hate all of this so much. I wish I didn’t feel my heartbeat pick up in pace every time I think about working or get an email from Linkedin. I wish I didn’t have stress-induced nightmares about a job I haven’t worked since before I moved out of my mother’s house. 

Sometimes it feels like escape is all I have. Other than hitting ‘play’, anyway. Diving into a story puts some distance between me and the bullshit, so I do it. Whether I’m reading it, writing it, or watching it, it doesn’t matter. As long as it’s some form of distraction, something to take my mind off THIS. I know it’s not healthy. I know I spend way too much time on YouTube and I know this is not a great coping mechanism. What options do I have?

I’ve had Bleach on the back burner while I got through Aaron’s two published books. Now that I’ve finished both Ruins of Ivy and Forgotten Steel, I can pick that back up in the coming week. Forgotten Steel has some slightly different themes from the first and expands its world a lot. He set out to write an entertaining book, and I had a good time. By coincidence, his book touched on an idea that my series does, albeit in a very different way. Three of his main characters are called monsters and have to wrestle with whether or not that label is deserved, if they can go back from it. He’s not doing anything new with it, but in tandem with some other concepts he has juxtaposing that one, it’s keeping my attention.

I had to renew that Tchaikovsky book at my library this week, so I did that and picked up two more volumes (4 and 5) of Lore Olympus by Rachel Smythe while I was there and finished them both in an afternoon. I’m aware of the criticisms of age-gap relationships and the slippery slope of depicting toxic relationships, as well as the ‘it’s not accurate’ detractors. I really could care less. I like it. I like the art, I like how every character feels like an individual that keeps moving and doing things when they aren’t on page, I like the leads and how they’re drawn to each other. I like that Persephone is allowed to be angry sometimes, and Hades isn’t exactly a model for morality either. Sue me, I’m going to read the whole series. I think I have pretty solid media literacy skills. Plenty good enough to tell that it’s a little weird for the eldest of the Olympians to have fallen head over heels for a twenty year old. Don’t care. I’m a sucker for sun and moon dynamics.

I’m hoping to get through Bleach by the end of the month. I might not make it, I’ve got about 240 chapters left (the Fullbringer Arc and the TYBW for anyone keeping score), but I am going to do my best. I’m really excited about reading the Dan Da Dan manga. I can’t do that if I’m still hung up on Bleach. I’ve been pretty busy with other stuff, so I might need to go back and read the last ten, twenty chapters just to refresh myself. We’ll see. My notes might be enough. I might post my ramblings here when I do finish. I’m looking forward to getting into the TYBW. The anime is so good and there’s a lot of hype to keep me trucking along. 

I know I keep promising myself I’m going to spend time in front of my whiteboard and not doing that, but I did something better this week! I’ve been working out exactly what’s left to cover in this volume of the story. The exact chain of events that leads to the plot point I want to be at when I move on to volume three. Hitting the books is not going to be the most fun time, and some of this is just going to be me and a map making shit up. That’s just how this goes. But I am going to get to it. Now that I’ve finished those two books I have a little more breathing room to get some of my own work done. 

I also slotted a pretty important piece into the overall puzzle that is my current project. Since I’ve been doing so much reading it back over while Aaron makes his way through what I have, I noticed a pretty consistent tic that my POV character remarks on her memories A LOT. So much that it feels more important than context or characterization, it’s getting into theme territory by accident. We’re going to run with that in conjunction with a decision I hoped I wouldn’t have to make. Aaron asked me if ghosts exist in this world based on a couple offhand comments POV characters makes. I wanted to keep it vague since I didn’t want to say anything about the afterlife or mortality, but it’s fine. It all fits together just fine with the connections I’ve been making with the other plot points and themes I’ve been doing. 

Writing is both a romantic solo venture and a highly stressful collaborative effort. I can sit in front of my whiteboard for ages and not know if what I’m coming up with is any good. Then again, entire writer’s rooms have ended up with crap too. Sometimes we need someone else to bounce ideas off of, and sometimes it’s just too many cooks in the kitchen. Even though I am still very much going through my existential crisis, I’m glad he said that. It forced me to think it through, to make a decision, and that decision will ultimately benefit the story. He also told me that my rough draft is one of the top ten books he’s ever read. 

I thought I was having a heart attack. I hyperventilated, felt like I was having palpitations, and it’s still such a surreal thing. In moments I’m flattered, in others I’m numb, and yet others I’m wondering what books he’s read that MINE could be considered that good. I’ve had so much trouble getting anyone else to give me a chance. I’ve handed out the link like it’s candy but no one who’s gotten the link has managed to get past the prologue. I don’t blame them, obviously. Everyone is busy and it’s a huge investment of time. I understand that. My biggest worries revolve around if I’m doing too much, if what I have makes sense, if it’s any good. That kind of thing can only be determined by readers. So without them, I just…panic. Forge on bravely, but still panic internally. My mom told me when I told her “I wish you believed in yourself as much as the rest of us do.” Bitch, WHAT? You don’t even like fantasy, you read five pages a year ago, so much has changed in that time. You’re my MOM, you can say whatever you want. 

You see what my brain does when I get praise? Try living with this shit. 

Here’s a list of some of the good shit I watched on YouTube this week: 

-Why Accuracy is Overrated: Spinster’s Library

-Fashion Doesn’t Matter (like it used to): Nicole Rudolph

-Do Modern Writers Remember How to Write Fantasy?: dan doug

-Why is NCIS Obsessed With Israel?: Skip Intro

-The Twisted World of Dark Romance: Mina Le 

-M.A.P Walsh is Hiding Something: Foreign Man in a Foreign Land

-How Potatoes Changed the World: Religion, Rebellion and the Industrial Revolution: OTR Food & History 

-Edgar Allen Poe’s Obsession with Death: Lady of the Library

-Gendered Reading in Fantasy, the Decline of YA and More: Johanna Reads

-Can TV Change the Way We Speak?: Otherwords on Monstrum

-In Defense of Cozy Fiction: Tale Foundry

-Brat and the Culture of Addiction: Alexander Avila 

-Girl Eats Boy: Cannibal Women in Horror (Raw, Yellowjackets, Bones and All): elle literacy

-How YouTube Dethroned MTV: Polyphonic

-Did the Coroner Make This Disaster Worse?: Caitlin Doughty 

-Everything You Think You Know About Thanksgiving is Wrong: Abby Cox

-Sympathy for the Villains: Princess Weekes

I hope I have more good news next week and that my emotional crisis passes, because I’m tired. I hate being like this. Sitting around worrying and being flattered and trying to think but also stressed out of my mind at the same time. It’s exhausting. I only have so much RAM and I have other things to worry about. The world is about to get much worse. I have things to protect here. I just hope I’m the one worrying too much and it’s not warranted. 

Stay safe out there <3

[the1975attheirverybest]

You seem very well put together and like...mature (I promise that's a compliment 🙏😭😭) soooo I was wondering, unrelated to the band so I'm sorry if this is like...a type of ask that you don't like to answer from randoms/people that aren't claimed anons 😅 I possibly have my first job interview like...EVER coming up because I graduated last June and applied for a job today after searching for a while, any advice, do's and don't's? Fine if not, hope you have a good day 🫶

AWWW HEYYYYY CONGRATSSSSS both on graduating and on the upcoming interview 💜💜🤍🤍 you’re gonna do great! This is the first step in a brand new chapter of your life. It must be scary / stressful. If you scroll through my blog you’ll see that I too am stressed and terrified about new changes hahaha. So I totally know how you feel but also BREATHE YOURE GONNA BE AMAZING.

All the cliches about being yourself etc, are unfortunately true haha. But I won’t say those things as I’m sure you’ve heard them a million times. I’ll say maybe prepare questions for your interviewer too? Things that matter to you/ would help you make a decision about going to work for this place. For example, for me, when I got offered a teaching position at a private liberal arts college once, I was aware that they’re super conservative and catholic so I asked questions about the diversity of the department and how it would feel like to be the only hijab wearing person within MILES haha. I was made aware that the Bible literally hangs as wall art in classrooms so I was like okay no thanks.

Without knowing what the job you’re interviewing for is I can’t say much but like ask what the work environment is/ office atmosphere. If you have questions about the expectations or workload. But I guess my point is that you shouldn’t feel shy about asking whatever you need to. Sure, you want to impress them but they should also impress you. If it’s the kind of job where you can ask to speak to an employee who already works there about what it’s all like, consider doing that. Sometimes they can tell you things that admin/ their bosses can’t about what it’s like day-to-day.

If there are any “gaps” in your resume, skills you don’t have, or anything of the sort, don’t be shy about it. You can always frame it as “I have never done X before but I am eager to learn” and then tie it back to an experience that you DO have. I’ll give you an example from my own job but like you can apply it to whatever context you’re in. So, one of the job requirements for me as a professor is to mentor students. Of course I had never done that before I started working. So when they asked me about it I said I didn’t have that experience but that I was philosophy club president as an undergrad and we did a lot of leadership stuff, so I talked about what that was like, how I handled it, and how those skills can translate to professors mentoring students etc.

Like you can be honest about being new at something but also how your background and experiences will help you to approach this new thing. Does that make sense?

If anyone has any better advice please feel free to drop it in my ask box and I’ll post it haha. GOOD LUCK BESTIE LET US KNOW HOW IT GOESSSS. 💜💜

[lifeafterthelayoff]

Part II, Day 68

What Ira Glass and a French composer taught me about creativity. 

Last night, my wife and I went to a concert where we heard a piece by the French composer Ernest Chausson, titled the Concert for Piano, Violin, and String Quartet. LOVELY. But it got me thinking, as I learned more about his life and approach to creating art.

Chausson was active during La Belle Époque in France, born to a wealthy family. This allowed him to lead a different life than some of his contemporaries.

I happened to buy an LP just a week ago containing this piece. (Only $2!) The notes on the back of the sleeve provide some insight into Chausson’s work:

“Chausson's wealth, while not great, obviated the need to play in an orchestra pit or copy other composer's orchestral parts. Free from the need to make a living by his own music, he found himself looked upon as an amateur; consequently, he developed a feeling of inadequacy. That lack of faith in himself and the leisure to write only what he wanted, when he wanted, conspired against the ease and versatility he might have developed as a professional had he been forced to work under pressure. Instead, he worried every note into existence, becoming a perfectionist who, according to his close friend Debussy, preoccupied himself with inner parts.”

Even Chausson was feeling the imposter syndrome set in. Along with some other complex emotions, by the looks of it. Exposed to the pressures and rote work of teaching or playing, he would’ve developed a different set of skills and strengths. Not better, necessarily. Different, though. Easier? That’s probably relative.

Ira Glass talks about this phenomenon, calling it “the gap.” (Not the clothing store.) He says that when we start doing something creative, we are disappointed in our early work; there’s a gap between what we’re capable of at the start and the things that inspired us to start. We all have to get past the gap and there’s only one way to do that:

“We all go through this. And if you’re just getting started or you are still in this phase, you gotta know it’s normal, and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline, so that every week, you will finish one project. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap and your work will be as good as your ambitions.”

The key there being the volume of work. Doing the thing, over and over again. Chausson had the luxury of going down a different path. Most of us don’t, at least not for long.

I feel like I have the opportunity to do both RIGHT NOW. I’ve developed my skills over the years, and I have some time to practice them without sharing my brain with a full-time job quite yet. It’s a rare moment. I’m going to treasure this time even more, now. Thanks Ernest and Ira!

[cielwells]

Status Update - March 2024, First Month

Background

Quick background and context for anyone stumbling onto this.  On the twelfth, March 12, I decided to try to turn this into a draw/sketch a day thing.  I was already trying to draw at least three times a week and my streak was at 43.  While not 100% accurate, it seemed a good enough number to start at to avoid fighting with my streak keeping app.

The reason I sometimes include “53/53” and the like is because I am not fully abandoning the original three times a week thing.  The first number is the number done.  The second is the current “days since the project started”.

Reflections

The Format

Since this wasn’t planned, I’ve encountered a few things that could be adjusted going forward. 

The collage above?  Yeah, I decided to try for it early on but I didn’t think about making it non-sanity damaging to put together.  Maybe this works with gaps and the like? 

Maybe it is just my fear of having it too big and wasting people’s time and bandwidth.  Maybe it gives the vibes of collaging in books and physical sketchpads.

… I’m not undecided on whether to go for a strictly organized system or just giving each day more breathing room.

In any case, I started using the iOS Clip Studio’s default 4:3 canvas that is 1600 x 1200px.  When I started posting these online more frequently I switched to the square (1640 x 1640 px) because “Instagram”.  Before switching to “Sticker Size” (370 x 320 px) thinking the smaller canvas would be easier to work with.  Before switching between a few of the others once I realized how small the sticker canvas was to other days when compared.

I am, was, until I began writing this section at least, planning to go back to square for consistency’s sake.  Only, I don’t think that will work.  Welcome to real time self reflection folks!  The train has left the script.  It’s 10:19, I need to be at my Easter “Dinner” location at noon.  Only future me knows if I pushed this out beforehand or waited until I got home to clean this up, and practical time travel isn’t invented yet. 

I’m now doubting the square decision for two reasons.  In exploring the different canvas sizes and shapes I’ve started to get a feel for the canvas affects what is created. 

I don’t know if I would have gone for the torso of 61 in a square as I went into it wanting to attempt something with the head.  I like how the torso came out and really disliked the head.

I believe with 55 I cropped it down from a square despite being drawn in a square. 

I’ve caught myself starting to use drawn color swatches for consistency and more room on the canvas leaves more room for them.

Skill Improvement

I guess I can say I improved some.  After 45, Toga, I realized I needed more practice with facial directions.  This lead to more focused practice on that with days 46 through 51 with the last one just focuses on eyes and iris direction.

Then I needed to do something I felt was funner and I felt more passion for, 52 Sukuna.  I didn’t succeed in all my goals for that day.  The lips specifically. 

There are also blow-off days.  59 – Godzilla is the only example I clearly remember.  By time I was “done” I realized I was in so need of breather day that I didn’t even mark that this was, in fact, drawn with a reference.  56 – Snowman was probably a similar low point but I went with a simpler subject to concentrate what bandwidth I had more constructively.

Day 60 – Needlewise?  No, that was trying.  It was me trying to snap out of the duldrums.  The focused practice for that day was this technique I’ve heard and seen about using thicker outlines for the shape and thinner lines inside the “model”.  See on the arms?  This combined with wanting some darn color.  I missed color by this point, which I’ve avoided near all month because I wanted to focus on the basic… is it line art?  I’m also mildly annoyed that the minimalist details in the dessert got covered up by the cactaur once I unhid it.  I could have avoided this if I just greatly reduced the cactaur’s transparency instead of hiding the layer entirely.

Final Thoughts

One thing I think I need to do more of is watch more guides.  Needlewise shows me that knowing something is a thing doesn’t mean I can do it anywhere close to reasonable on my own. 

Me realizing I’m not 100% what I was focusing on, in general, this month is lineart or something else tells me I’m missing some fundamentals in terminology.  If I don’t know the terms then finding guides will be harder.

One thing I like about the Takodachi, 61, Rule 63 v-tuber, and the gnome is that I knew when to stop for the day.  Some advice I’m seeing a lot in videos on the daily drawing topic and general improvement is not drawing for hours and hours just to draw.  Unless you are doing it for fun.  With each I hit some sort of wall, reached a satisfactory minimum amount of goal achieving, and moved on. 

Looking at all the different things I’ve tried, I do wonder if I shouldn’t focus on one specific thing more next month.  Then I look at Sukuna and 55-B the landscape.  I know myself.  If I spent a month working on only lips or only eyes, unless it just groked with me in a fun way, I would begin to resent this project.  I still wish I had a style I knew I wanted to shoot for so that I could at least do variations of topics around that style.

[csuitebitches]

On Being Well Spoken

I recently received a request about posting something regarding being well spoken.

Something you need to realise is that you’re not going to become well-spoken overnight. You need to practice on people. You need to SPEAK.

I used to stutter so badly that I could barely speak a whole sentence.

Flash forward a few years. I pitched my start up in front of a crowd, I joined Model United Nations in high school and college, I’ve been invited to speak on my entrepreneurial experience by some top universities in my country. It’s taken a lot to get here. And I’m still not where I want to be.

1. Apps to track progress and help you get better at public speaking

An app that you can use: “Speeko.”

I used to use this, it is beginner friendly and you can improve your public speaking skills as well.

2. Use topic generators

Go online and look up a topic generator. Generate a random topic, video yourself speaking on that topic. Don’t give yourself time to prepare anything - read the topic and start speaking. Set a time limit - you’ll realise that speaking for even 2 minutes can be quite difficult at times.

Not only does this make you realise that you may have limited language skills, but it will also make you realise exactly where you’re falling behind. Note down things in a journal.

- is grammar the issue?

- Lack of vocabulary?

- Too many filler sounds?

- Knowledge gap?

This is also a great idea if you’re at an intermediate level of learning a language/ polishing a language. Do this everyday and maintain a diary on your improvement.

3. Reading out loud

Select a news article or any article. Read out loud, slowly and steadily. Pronounce every syllable calmly.

A two minute read should take 5 minutes to read out loud. That’s how slow you should go. Not more than 4-5 words per breath.

Your tongue needs to get used to different syllables and sounds. Practice will help.

4. Talk in real life

Talk to anyone and everyone whenever you can.

Ask your barista how their day is going.

Ask your work or university security if they’ve had a good day and if they ate today.

Chat with your taxi driver about their life. I always start with asking them if they are from the city we’re travelling in. Even if you’re from that city, act like a tourist. Where are the best eateries? The conversation eventually goes to personal questions. How many children do they have, and what do they do? What do they like about the city?

You’ll learn the art of small talk only through practice. No book or guide can actually prepare you. You have to practice, practice and practice.

5. Diaphragm breathing

Diaphragm breathing is very important. Look up some YouTube videos for reference. You essentially breathe from your tummy (stomach goes in and out; not chest going up and down). This is a great calming exercise too.

6. Stuttering tongue/ jaw exercise videos

These are great because they really do prep your jaw and tongue well. The videos could include tongue stretches, placing your tongue on your palette correctly, etc. Search on YouTube.

7. Body posture

You really need to work on your posture too. Sit up straight. Back, STRAIGHT. Chin up, shoulders relaxed. Something as simple as posture can change your level of confidence.

8. Pranayama

A yoga exercise for breathing. You can find a guided video on YouTube for sure.

9. Vocabulary

Invest your time in expanding your vocabulary. There’s enough apps and games that can help you with that, if you aren’t fond of reading. A sign of being well spoken is having great vocabulary.

Start by looking up the synonyms of everyday words.

“I’m upset”

- how many different words can you find for upset?

“I had a crazy day today”

- one can easily use “hectic”, “chaotic” “lively” instead

10. Idioms

Idioms, phrases, sayings - look up common idioms in your language of choice. Aim to use at least 3 new idioms on 3 separate occasions in a week while you speak. You need to understand when and where you can use the idioms in your vocabulary.

11. Knowing when to switch

You can’t talk like a 50 year old heiress to a 10 year old child; you need to get down to their level.

If someone is clearly not a native speaker and is struggling to put words together, don’t use difficult words around them.

If you’re meeting with someone high profile, refrain from using slang.

The best speakers know when to switch their level of language.

You can’t use one singular type of speaking with everyone. You need to understand that there is a time and place for everything - and you’ll be able to switch like a pro only when you actually speak and start gaining experience.