#the thing is i feel my stomach and it *feels* empty. i dont think that makes sense but

[shot-messenger]

ough

[daechwitatamic]

You Think You Might - Chapter 5 || csc

(banner by @itaeewon)

You Think You Might (masterpost)

Seungcheol x fem!reader angst smut fluff fake dating!au, kind of sort of exes to lovers?

NSFW - minors DNI

Summary: Seungcheol agrees to be your fake boyfriend at your sister’s destination wedding, under the condition that it “stays there”. You didn’t expect it to hurt when he holds you to that promise.

WC: 54k across 5 chapters; this chapter 8k

Status: complete; this is the final chapter

Warnings: language, excessive drinking and drunkenness, i did make seungcheol cry just once and i'm not sorry, reader continuing to go thru it, angst, kissing, oral (f. receiving), piv sex, the teeeensiest tiniest bit of barely there ass play do not even LOOK at me i dont know who wrote that, reader says if you demand to be on my island then i am getting OFF the island and we all should have seen it coming

A/N: thank you to @sailorsoons and @eoieopda for beta-ing and to @kkaetnipjeon for naming almost every background character for me

October

When your phone rings at 1:20 in the morning, it feels like a stone sinks through your stomach. Some instinct knows what this is before you even read his name on the screen. Like part of you has been waiting since early summer for him to break, afraid of your own reaction, afraid you’ll do the wrong thing and let him.

“What’s up?” you answer, which strikes you as funny, because it’s the middle of the night and you’re half-asleep. Nothing about this is casual - this isn’t going to be a call about grabbing extra beer for Soonyoung’s house. 

“Come drink with me.”

Four words, and you know everything you need to know. The background noise is deafening - thumping, shattering club music and the cacophony of dozens of conversations being carried at a volume meant to rise above the music. 

The words are also slurred nearly past recognizability. 

He’s fucked up. 

Going to him would be a mistake.

But you want to. You want to. 

You’re already moving towards your closet in the dark.

“Where’s your girlfriend?” you ask sarcastically, even as you reach the lamp on your dresser and switch it on, casting your room in a low yellow light. You pick out a pair of jeans and a sweater - you won’t be staying at the club with him, you don’t need to dress up. You’ll tell security you’re just getting someone home - they’ll let you through.

“Wish I knew,” he says darkly. “Actually, no I don’t. If I did, I’d go there. Promised my mom no more fights.”

He sounds so gone. Your heart wrings itself out like laundry fresh from the wash, water and blood pouring from it. You ache for him, want to pull him close, want to soothe the hurts. You pull the sweater on quickly. 

“Did you argue again?” you ask, mostly to keep him talking while you get ready. You poke around your room for a wayward sneaker.

He laughs, once, no humor in it. “Worst we’ve ever had. She took her shit this time.”

“Seungcheol,” you say, all pity. “I’m sorry.”

“Come drink with me,” he answers, more firmly this time. He sounds a bit more lucid, like answering your questions tethered him back to now. “I hate being alone.”

You tuck in your laces and grab your keys. “I know you do,” you say softly. “Send me your location.”

As expected, you tell the bouncer you’re just here to get your friend out of there and he lets you inside, even asks if you think you’ll need help.

“Nah,” you say easily. “He’ll come with me.”

It takes some effort to move through the crowd until you reach the bar, but Seungcheol is there, an empty glass in front of him, and his chin propped up on his hand, his eyes unfocused.

You slide in the seat next to him - miraculously empty - and order yourself a beer and a water for him. You don’t talk to him until they’ve arrived, until you’ve watched him down a third of the water.

“Why am I here, Seungcheol?” you ask him, finally, quiet. You’re not sure how much of him is present right now, not sure what kind of answer you’ll get.

But he seems to have come back around since he first called you, because his answer is, “Aren’t we supposed to be friends?”

“Is that why you called me? Because you needed a friend?” you ask. It’s a dangerous question; it’s a dare. It’s a challenge, it’s a first expression of this fucked-up limbo the two of you have tried to maintain. It’s a mistake that you can’t stop yourself from making, the inertia carrying you even when you know you should swerve. 

You’re lucky - he’s not too far gone to know exactly what game you’re playing, and to remember he’s not supposed to play. 

“I called you,” he says, dark eyes flashing up to yours, “because I didn’t want to sit here alone. I wanted to be… with someone good. Good to me.”

The words are unsteady, wobbly, but you think they might still be a version of the truth.

There are a lot of things you could say back to that, and they all jump into your mouth at once. But you’re supposed to be staying off the boat, right?

“Drink your water,” you tell him, and something in your tone must tell him not to fuck with you, because he listens. When you’ve both finished - you, your single beer, and him, the entire glass of water - you tell him, “Let’s go home.”

He rises without a fuss, and you lead him by the hand through the noisy throngs of people and out inside the silent, chilly night. His hand in yours is warm, clinging to you so tightly it almost hurts.

You drive him back to his place in near silence. He only speaks to mutter two-word directions at you - turn left and next exit and this one.

You take his keys from his hand and lead him across the parking lot to his building’s door, realizing halfway there that he’s stopped following you. You turn, finding him standing in the middle of the parking lot, unmoving.

Hesitantly, you make your way back toward him. 

“Cheol?” you venture, and when he turns to you, his face is twisted, a storm in his eyes. 

His voice doesn’t even sound like him - choked and raspy and loud - when he asks you, “Why does she do this to me?” He swipes a closed fist across his eyes, the picture of misery.

You close the space between you and gather him in your arms; drunk and broken, he lets you. You hold him steady as he cries into your shoulder, his own hands coming to clutch desperately at your back, like you’re the only thing holding him down in the face of a hurricane.

You hold him as long as he needs, the two of you alone in the middle of the pavement, the night expanding silent and blue around you. 

When he gives a final shaky exhale and loosens his hold on your back, you let him step away, your hands falling to your sides. You watch his face carefully as he roughly scrubs at his cheeks with the heels of his hands. 

“Sorry,” he mutters, embarrassed. 

You shake your head, don’t be, but don’t speak. You don’t know the right thing to say; you don’t know if he’s in the right place to hear you.

You’ve never been to his place before, so he leads you inside, taking an unnaturally long time to get his key in the lock. You don’t offer to help, knowing he doesn’t need you to baby him right now, doesn’t need you to make him feel like he can’t do it.

Inside, he clicks on the lights and stumbles through a dark doorway that you assume must lead to his bedroom. You look around for a second - it’s neater than you expected, but looks lived in. There’s a hoodie thrown over the back of a kitchen chair, and a lone mug in the kitchen sink waiting to be washed. You open a few cabinets until you find glasses, and you fill one with water. Then you follow the sounds of thumps through his still-dark bedroom and into the brightly lit en-suite.

Seungcheol looks at you like he’s not sure where you came from, the toothbrush stilling in his mouth.

“Water,” you explain, needlessly, and he nods, still looking a bit baffled. 

You wait in his bedroom until he flicks off the bathroom light and stumbles out and straight into his bed. You set the water down on his bedside table and back away.

“You good?” you ask. You mean, mostly, are you going to throw up in your sleep, or can I leave? 

He pulls the blankets over his head, then pushes one eye out and looks at your blearily.

“There are three of you,” he says seriously, his low voice muffled by the thick blankets.

“All three of us will be on the couch if you need… help, or anything,” you deadpan.

He’s too drunk to appreciate the joke. That one visible eyeball just stares at you, and then he mutters, “Is it fucked up that I missed you?”

You huff a tiny laugh.

“Goodnight, Seungcheol,” you say, instead of answering. “Yell if you need me.”

He only hums, not really an answer, but you’ll take it. You close his bedroom door behind you and survey his living room. You turn on a low lamp and then cross the room to turn off the brighter overhead lights. You get comfortable, scrunching up the throw pillow under your head and pulling a blanket from the back of the couch. 

You thought you’d have trouble sleeping here, alone in a place you’ve never been, but the blanket smells like him, and you feel safe knowing he’s on the other side of the door, and it doesn’t take long at all before you’re drifting off.

You’re woken up mid-morning by a body draping itself heavily over your side, then sliding behind you to slip between you and the back of the couch. His arm rests on top of you, his hand on your shoulder.

You giggle before you even open your eyes. “Hello?” you ask, trying to peer over your shoulder, but Seungcheol holds your shoulder tight, stopping the motion.

“You can’t look at me,” he says seriously, his voice sleepy and soft. “I’m too ashamed.”

You laugh again.

“I am seriously so sorry,” he says, still hiding behind you. He’s warm and solid against your back, and you relax against him, smiling despite yourself. The room is lit up brightly from the morning sun, the lamp you had on last night now turned off. “For calling you… for making you come out in the middle of the night… for everything I said… for…”

For breaking down. You hear it even though he doesn’t say it.

“You don’t need to be sorry,” you tell him quietly, reaching up to rest your hand on top of his where it rests on your shoulder. “If I didn’t want to come out, I wouldn’t have. And you don’t need to apologize for… feeling how you feel, or for letting me be there for you. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“This is very embarrassing for me,” he mumbles against your head.

You roll over so you can face him, and he lets you. You look up at him, trying to reconcile the sheepish man in front of you to the broken one you saw last night. It occurs to you, as you lay chest to chest with him on the couch, that this is the closest you’ve been since you slept together in July.

You hate how right it feels - no awkwardness, no uncertainty.

“You shouldn’t be embarrassed,” you whisper.

His mouth twists like he doesn’t quite see it the same way. “Thanks for getting me home,” he says, instead of arguing or agreeing. “At… two in the morning.”

You shrug one shoulder, very aware of how dangerously close to cuddling you are, as he places his arm over your back, his hand resting near your shoulder blades. “It makes me happy that you felt comfortable calling me when you needed someone,” you tell him. “I’m glad I could be there for you.” It might be the most honest thing you’ve ever said to him.

It had - it had made you happy to take care of him the way he’d taken care of you at that resort. It made you happy to be the one that he let in, who got to see him when he wasn’t put together.

It might be complicated, but it’s still true. You’re happy to be here.

You lay there - yes, cuddling, technically - for a little bit, and then you look at him again. His gaze is warm this morning, full of affection and gratitude.

“Hey…” you say, unsure if this is the right move, “I know you asked me to, like, stay out of it. And I’ve been trying to. But… can I ask you something?”

He sighs a little, pressing his hands to his eyes for a moment before looking at you again. The movement cracks the cuddle, and you push yourself up to sitting. He does the same, so that you’re side to side and upright again. 

“Yeah,” he relents. “I guess you have the right, after last night.”

“Why stay?” you ask him earnestly. “Why keep trying, when all of us - including both of you - know how it’s going to go?”

“Because,” he says darkly, averting his eyes.

“Because isn’t a reason,” you point out.

He huffs, frustrated, but you wait him out. “I just… want to prove that… it could work. That I’m not… so fucked up that it can’t.”

You put a hand on his knee, and his eyes flick to yours.

“I can solve that one for you: you’re not. And it sucks that she made you feel like you are.”

“It’s not all her fault,” he mumbles.

“No,” you agree. “It really isn’t. But, Seungcheol, if a couple works, it’s not about their worthiness, it’s not the universe deciding they’re good enough. It’s about the two people involved, and their willingness to put pride aside and try - to communicate, and make sacrifices, and fight for it. And I know you’re capable of all that - because when you were pretending, you were perfect. More than perfect.”

His face softens, those flickers of anger and defensiveness falling away. You sit in silence, looking at each other, the air between you charged and full of tension so thick you could sink your fingers into it like a ball of dough.

The ugliest part of you, hidden way down deep, rises up and whispers, choose me. 

You hate this selfish voice, hate yourself for wanting this even after everything, but you can’t silence the part of you that’s pleading for him to realize he’s been chasing his tail in circles, to realize that he has an option in front of him that could be great if he gave it a chance.

You force yourself up, breaking the spell, going silently to find your keys and your shoes. 

Still, even as he watches you go, the want claws up your stomach, through your limbs, into your fingertips. 

You pause in the entryway, looking back at him. For a long moment, his eyes stay locked on yours, pinning you to the spot.

You clench your jaw to shove down the words, but they flow through your gaze straight to his anyway.

Choose me. Choose me. Please, choose me. 

From the way he sits still on the couch, you think he must hear your plea. You think he must be considering. You finally break eye contact, giving him a tight nod and turning away. Then you close the door behind you, leaving him alone with the choice.

The next weekend at Soonyoung and Chan’s, Seungcheol isn’t present.

The realization goes through you like ice, your heart skipping and galloping with all the implications of it.

“Ah, yeah,” your brother says, when you ask. “He and Jieun went away for the weekend. He’ll be back tomorrow.”

You turn away as casually as you can, trying to school your features. The news hits you like a punch.

He and Jieun. He picked her. 

He picked her, and took her away for a romantic trip to solidify it. It makes you nauseous. You’d been trying to accept this truth - that she would always win - and yet somehow you’re still surprised. 

Stupid. Stupid.

Fine, you think, taking a slow breath in to calm your systems. It’s fine. You wanted him to choose, and he did. Now you know for sure. Now it can be over.

And it has to be - over. You can’t do this again. You can’t open up and let him in just to watch him slip back to her again. Not again.

It sucks, but you don’t feel like you can talk to Soonyoung about this. Not because he wouldn’t hear you, or support you. But at the end of the day, Seungcheol has been his friend for a long time - you don’t want to put him in the middle, or in an uncomfortable spot. 

You sit on it for a few days, and then you crack and do something you’ve never done in your whole life.

You call your sister. Just to talk.

“Hey!” she greets you brightly, like she’s pleasantly surprised to hear from you. Which is fair. “What’s going on?”

“Not a lot,” you lie. “How about you?”

“Same ‘ol, same ‘ol,” she sighs, not unhappily. “Jeongwoo is on a work trip until tomorrow night, so I’m sitting here having a sleepover night by myself - painting my nails, binging some Real Housewives, and drinking wine.”

“Sounds amazing,” you say.

“Feel free to join me,” she says, and you hear the smile in her voice. You wonder if you could ever get there - to the point where you’d even consider that offer from her, to the point where you’d want to go hang out with her.

The idea of it sounds kind of nice.

“Maybe next time,” you say, and you almost mean it.

“What’s going on with you?” she asks.

“Seungcheol called me drunk from the bar at one in the morning on Saturday,” you blurt. It bursts from you, unbidden, though you know that unburdening yourself of this was the whole reason you called.

“Oh my god, what?” she breathes. “Did you answer?”

You laugh. “You don’t even know what a silly question that is,” you say, and it doesn’t occur to you that you’re just saying ‘you don’t know me at all’, but you are. “Not only did I answer, I went to pick him up and drive him home, and then I slept on his couch to make sure he didn’t die of alcohol poisoning.”

Nayoung swears. “You two are messy messy,” she says, and you laugh, because - yeah. “Where’s his girlfriend?”

“Oh,” you say. “Yeah, that’s an important detail. They had a fight and she turned off her location, which is why he went off the rails at the bar in the first place.”

“Okay,” Nayoung says, and you can almost picture her holding up a hand to stop you. “Back up and start at the beginning. Tell me everything.” 

You do, starting with his phone call that night, ending with his absence at Soonyoung’s last Friday, the indication that he’d taken Jieun on a romantic weekend away, that he’d heard what you’d said and made his choice definitively.

“Oh,” she says as soon as you’re done, the word rushing from her, “he wants you so bad.”

“What?” This is not the reaction you’d expected. This is also the opposite of how you see the situation.

“He got sad and called you,” she points out. “He needed comfort and he turned to you. To me, that says a lot.”

You hum. “I don’t know. He called me because he was drunk and the girl he wanted had him blocked.”

“I don’t think so,” she says. “I think some part of him knew you were a safe place to turn to.”

Someone good to me. 

You let out your breath, frustrated. “What does that do for me?” you demand. “He chose her!”

“I don’t know,” she says. “He’s gotta figure it out sooner or later, that you’re what he wants - right?”

“You’d think,” you mutter sarcastically.

“He’ll be back,” she says, sounding sure. “He’ll figure it out.”

“I don’t think I care, though,” you say. “Even if he did… he’s picked her over me too many times. I don’t want to be his second choice, I don’t want to always wonder if he’d rather be with her.”

“Well,” she says, “I know I haven’t been married that long, but my advice as someone with a very solid relationship - if I do say so myself - is to just ask him how he feels about it… and trust what he tells you.”

You don’t respond, your lips pressed tight together. Because you don’t - can’t - trust him to mean it when he says he’s done with her. He’s switched up on you too many times. He could tell you day in and day out that it’s you, but you will always feel Jieun’s shadow hovering behind you. There’s no way around it.

You think you might hate her, and that makes you sad, too - because it’s not even her fault.

It’s pouring on the night that Seungcheol shows up at your door - the kind of rain that comes down only sideways, soaking your feet, hair, and even through your jeans in some spots in the short time it takes you to dash from your car to the building’s front door.

You’re still wiping water from your face, shaking it from your sleeves, trying to tame your damp hair when you round the corner to your hall and spot him outside your door.

Your stomach sinks immediately, instinct and past experience telling you that he and Jieun fought again, that the merry-go-round has brought him to the come to you for comfort phase of the cycle once again. 

You’re tired - tired of fighting how you feel for him, tired of feeling guilty for wanting someone that’s not yours, tired of feeling pathetic for wanting someone who doesn’t want you, tired of picking him up every time he comes crawling to you low and angry. 

But you approach him anyway - what else can you do? It’s your apartment.

When he turns to face you, you’re so surprised that you actually falter in your steps, tripping over nothing and having to right yourself.

He looks happy - he looks good, and somehow himself in a way you haven’t seen since Nayoung’s wedding over the summer. There’s no storm behind his eyes, no crease in his brow, no heavy weight to the corners of his mouth, no tightness to his jaw or heaviness on his shoulders.

“Hi?” you venture.

His smile crawls across his face, dimples deepening by tiny degrees at a time. It takes your breath away - you hadn’t realized it, but you haven’t seen him happy like this in so long. He’s beautiful. You miss this version of him. 

“Hey,” he says, dimples deepening. “Can we talk?”

“Sure,” you say, digging out your keys. “Is everything okay?”

“Very,” he says, emphatically but cryptically. 

You raise an eyebrow at him and cross your arms.

He laughs, like you’re being cute. It makes you scowl, but it also makes your stomach flutter. “Can we talk inside? This isn’t really a… hallway conversation.”

You give him a wary look and move past him to unlock the door. He follows you inside and hovers behind you as you flick on lights and set down your things. You’re still water-logged from the rain, and you cross into your bedroom to change into something dry. Seungcheol hangs back in your living room, patiently waiting for you to emerge.

“Okay,” you say, “what’s up?”

He opens his mouth to speak, then closes it again. Something crosses his face - uncertainty, maybe. He steps closer, hands reaching for your elbows. You let him draw you closer, into the circle of his warmth, his smell, his solidity. You look up at him, a question in your eyes.

“I have to just say it,” he says, almost to himself, almost like a reprimand. Like he’s giving himself a pep talk. “I want to try with you. I want to do it for real.”

You stare at him, eyes wide. Whatever you were expecting, it wasn’t this. 

“Seungcheol, what?” You’re almost convinced that you heard him wrong, or that you’re misunderstanding what he’s saying. Your brain whirs as it tries to process, to find the slip-up.

He shifts closer, your bodies almost touching, and you tip your head up to keep his face in your line of sight. 

His voice lowers, softens, turns into something private and pleading. “I know we could be good together. Give me a chance to prove it. I didn’t think I could do it, before. But.. I can. I will.”

Somehow his hands have gone from your elbows to your upper arms, your bodies inching closer and closer like drifting continents, coming closer so slowly it’s impossible to see the movement.

You manage to speak, your words stumbling over each other. “But - Jieun?”

He shakes his head. “Gone,” he says firmly. Your stomach swoops, but the feeling of elation is chased immediately by a dark wave of doubt. “For good. I’m not doing that shit anymore. I’m not…” he trails off, thinking, then calls back a conversation you’d had months ago, on a sandy beach hundreds of miles away - “…accepting an ending that’s less than what I want.”

“I don’t understand,” you breathe. 

“I want to really try with someone who will actually try with me. I like you. So, please. Let’s try.”

Your heart races so fast that you feel a little dizzy as you consider his offer. You’re afraid of him hurting you again, changing his mind again. You’re afraid of accepting him and then letting him down, making him regret it all. You’re afraid of him becoming just another person who gets tired of you and walks away. 

But your feelings for him haven’t dissipated at all over these months, no matter how firmly you’ve tried to store them away. You want to feel close to him again. Very little in your life has felt as safe as being close to Seungcheol feels. 

You want to feel good again, too.

Your bodies are touching now, his arms fully around you, your faces so close you could kiss him without reaching. 

“Give me a chance,” he murmurs, his eyes tracing your face.

“I’ll give you a night,” you breathe, nearly against his lips. “We can go from there.”

His arms close around you instantly, his mouth finding yours - this was all the permission he needed. You melt into him, hands sliding up his back, already beneath the hem of his shirt, seeking skin, seeking warmth, seeking him. 

The way he clings to you as he kisses you makes you wonder if he’s been missing this, too - if you aren’t the only one whose single dose failed as a cure, only left you wanting.

You peel his shirt over his head slowly, reveling in every line and ridge of muscle as they are exposed one by one. You feel possessive of him, suddenly, want to carve your name across his ribs, want to make sure no one forgets that you were here, that at least for this moment he was only yours.

He does the same, making quick work of the hoodie that you’d just pulled on, tossing it towards the couch. He smirks a little when he spots the lacy edges of your bra - thank god, thank god you’d picked a cute one today - and remarks, “Pretty,” before pinching the clasp open with one hand and discarding it in the same direction that your hoodie and tshirt had just gone.

He kisses you again, hot and deep and seeking, as his hands find and knead your breasts firmly, something possessive in his touch - like, once again, you match. Your knees go a little weak and you lean into him, a wanting sound slipping up your throat and disappearing into his open mouth. 

His thumbs brush your nipples once and the sound turns into a whine. He breaks the kiss long enough to tease, “What? Not enough?”

Never enough, you think. You’ll always want more of him.

“Feels nice,” you tell him, in a whisper.

You kiss him again as your hands fumble with his belt buckle. His jeans drop to the floor and he steps out of them, his eyes closing on an audible sigh when you palm him over the black briefs he’s wearing. He’s hot under your hand, a small patch already damp beneath your palm.

“Get rid of those,” he instructs as he steps away from you, pulling at his own socks. He nods at your lower half as clarification and you pull off your leggings, leaving only the matching bottoms to your bra. You hook your thumbs under the edge of the lace, but he reaches out to stop you.

“Leave that,” he says, his eyes shining and devilish. 

He lays you back across the couch and settles between your thighs, all mischief and anticipation, and then he licks a warm stripe up the center of the lace. You reach over your head and clutch at the arm of the couch, trying desperately to keep it together as he hooks a thumb under the lace and pulls them gently to the side, exposing you to the cool air of the room and his own hungry gaze. You moan loud, eyes squeezing shut, as he dives back in.

He slides two fingers into your heat and your back arches as his name slips between your lips. He returns his tongue to you as his fingers open you bit by bit, whimpers and gasps replacing the silence in the room. He grunts when you lose control and buck once, then uses his free hand to splay his fingers across your lower belly to hold you still.

The snap happens before you expect it, almost without warning. The heat blossoms from your stomach down to your toes, and you chant his name as the waves roll through you, demanding your attention. 

“Shit,” he growls, fingers still moving, his mouth an inch away from your pulsing center. “Fuck, I feel you, baby.”

When you finally unclench, the room spinning around you as you gasp for breath, he slips his fingers from you and crawls up your body, his mouth seeking yours. You barely register that you can taste yourself on him; all you can process is the need to cling to him as you come back to earth, the need to know he’s surrounding you, solidly between you and the rest of reality.

“Please,” you hear yourself say, though you didn’t make the decision to beg. He obliges, doesn’t tease you for it, just lines himself up and slides into you in one slow, unfaltering motion. 

Your hips tilt on their own, taking him just slightly deeper; you gasp against his mouth, fingers scrabbling at his shoulders, trying to hold on, trying to hold him still, trying to climb inside him. 

He presses his forehead to yours, both of you panting, his arms caging you in as he fucks in and out of you slowly, letting you adjust to the stretch. It’s a lot, but it’s so good, and it isn’t long before you’re moving with him, meeting each thrust, your legs tangled behind his waist to pull him in closer.

You let go of his shoulders and cup his face with both hands, pulling his mouth back to yours tenderly. 

You think you might be halfway in love with him. That’s been your whole problem all along.

“Touch yourself for me,” he murmurs, lips on your jaw.

You pull back and slip two fingers into your mouth, eyes on his as you wet them. You smirk when his face twists, his stroke faltering for just a second, and then bring your fingers between your legs.

“How are you real?” he groans, his pace quickening. You feel yourself shake slightly each time he pushes back into you. 

When he stops, pressed so deep inside you that it steals your breath, you look up at him inquisitively. Sweat beads on his forehead, and he reaches up to push his hair back from his face.

He doesn’t answer your unvoiced question, just slides out of you and stands, reaching for your hands to pull you up after him. He kisses you messily, hungrily, pulling you tight against his body. His cock is trapped between your bodies, hot and slippery against your lower stomach. He ignores this, holding you desperately, holding you like he’s afraid you’ll get ripped away. A detached part of your brain wonders what fear is behind the tightness of his grip.

Then he’s moving with renewed energy, turning you by your shoulders and pressing between them, leaning you over the arm of the couch, one hand sliding down your spine and resting on the small of your back. You cry out wordlessly when he slides into you again, the new position bringing him deeper than before, stars sparking before your eyes.��

He grips your hips tightly, using the leverage to pound into you with a force he hadn’t earlier, or back in July. All you can do is take it, eyes screwed shut, wailing wordlessly and trying to press your face into your arms to muffle the noise. 

“Too much?” he manages to ask you, the words slipped between breaths, his voice tight with effort.

You can’t form an answer, can’t make your mouth shape no, it’s perfect, so you shake your head wildly. You think you might die if he stops.

Seungcheol slows anyway, soothing a hand down your back again, giving you a chance to relax your muscles and take a deep breath. He sets a steady pace, far less brutal than a moment ago, and you reach back to run a hand up the back of his thigh, just wanting to touch him. He reaches down with one hand and tangles his fingers with yours, giving a single reassuring squeeze before dropping them again.

Your thighs are shaking constantly now, and your voice comes out thin when you try to warn him you’re close.

“Yeah?” he croons, and then you feel the gentle pressure of his thumb ghost over your rim before circling it more firmly. 

You lose it entirely; you think you scream. Everything goes white and then staticky. You’re dimly aware of Seungcheol growling your name, pulling out, splattering your ass with strings of hot cum.

You cooperate when he maneuvers you back onto the couch, laying on his back and pulling you onto his front, your hearts both beating wildly against one another, like they’re both trying to break through your ribs and reach the other. 

“Shit,” you whisper, when you feel like you’re in your body again. He chuckles warmly beneath you, reaching up to run a hand down your arm affectionately. 

“You good?” he asks, voice gravelly. 

“Mhm,” you manage, though you’re already starting to feel soreness everywhere - in your hips, between your legs, even in your lower belly. “You wanna shower?”

“Definitely,” he says, and helps you up, follows you into the bathroom. Soaps you up gently, kisses your head while you rinse. It’s frighteningly tender, and you find yourself struggling to look directly at him.

Something inside you feels like you should run.

When you’re dry, he asks you tentatively, “Should I go home?”

Probably, you think. Before I get in even deeper. 

But you’re already in so deep. You haven’t slept next to him in months. You crave it just as much as what you’ve just done. So you tell him, “I don’t mind if you stay. If you want to.”

In the dark, you lie facing each other, your head resting on his mountain of a bicep. 

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he whispers.

That I’m not going to be enough to make you stay, you think.

“That I’m going to need to soak in a hot bath tomorrow,” you lie.

You wake up between his arms, your room bright with early morning sun. You let yourself revel in it for only a moment, and then you slip out of the bed as quietly as you can. Silently, you start dressing. 

You’re hunting for your shoes when he wakes, squinting at you adorably, a pout on his face.

“Come back,” he whines, and you almost cave. You don’t answer, and this seems to be what alerts him that something is wrong. He’s fully awake, quickly, his eyes sharp on you as he throws off your blanket and stands.

You step back as he comes closer, and you hate that you recognize a flash of hurt crossing his face.

“I need to go,” you say quietly, and you can hear the cornered-animal fear in your voice, hate that it’s evident.

“Why?” he asks, his voice just as raw as it had been the night he’d cried over her, less than a month ago.

You shake your head, the words in your head scrambled and unfocused. 

“Talk to me,” he begs, trying to step closer again. You let him, this time. “What happened?”

“Nothing happened,” you manage, but your voice is choked, and the second you hear it the dam inside you cracks. You blink away tears and step back from him again as he tries to reach for you. “I just can’t do this. I can’t let you in and then watch you leave for her again.”

His brows scrunch with confusion. “Leave for - who? Jieun? That’s not -”

“You just ended things with her,” you point out, interrupting. “You were away with her on a romantic little trip last fucking weekend. You’re not over her, and every time you think you are you just go running right back and I can’t be the collateral damage even one more time, Seungcheol - please, I think it’ll kill me to lose you to her again.”

“I went away with her last weekend to tell her goodbye,” he says, voice hushed, like he doesn’t want to spook you. “She and I talked for a long time about… us. We agreed - we put that part of our lives away for good.”

You shake your head again, letting this speak for you, because you feel like it would be cruel to say I don’t believe you… even if it’s true.

He steps closer again, finally within reach. He places one hand on your arm, gingerly, like he wants to root you to the spot but knows to tread lightly. “It’s not you or her,” he tells you earnestly. “It never was.”

A scoff escapes you without permission.

“Please listen to me,” he says again. It occurs to you that he could be angry, could be flying to the defensive, could be turning this into a fight. Instead, he’s being gentle - hearing what you’re telling him and talking about it. A tiny part of you is proud, knows this takes effort on his part, knows he’s had to unlearn how he once would have reacted.

“I’m listening,” you whisper. It’s all you can give him right now.

“She and I haven’t really loved each other in… a long time. That’s one of the things we talked about last weekend. We were both just… trying to keep a dead thing alive, because that hurt less than admitting it wasn’t going to wake up. I’m not going to suddenly realize I miss her, or that being with her was better. There’s a zero percent chance of that - less than zero.”

“Less than zero percent can’t exist,” you croak, just to be contrary.

“Well it does in this case,” he shoots back, lips starting to pout a little. “I’m not saying you and I will be magically perfect, but I can promise that if we don’t work for some reason, she will not be the cause.”

You want to believe him - you ache to believe him. 

You wipe under your eyes, trying to get yourself put together. Seungcheol watches your face carefully.

Then he says, very quietly, “We work. You know we do.”

“We worked when it was pretend,” you rebut. 

He says your name, a demand hidden in it - a demand to listen, to hear him. 

“You’re what I need,” he says firmly. “I need someone who won’t rise to the bait if I slip and fuck up and say something stupid. I need someone who wants me to be happy, not just someone who wants me to make them happy. And I want so many things for you - I want to make life easier for you, I want you to feel loved and valued, I want to do all of that for you. I want to do shit for you that I never did before, like double text and call first and apologize even when I don’t think I’m wrong.”

He’s teasing a little by the end, and you laugh through your tears despite yourself. 

“Seungcheol, I don’t know,” you tell him. “How can you be sure?”

He takes your hands, grips your fingers tight. “I want to do this right with you,” he says plainly. “I want you, and I want to really try. The way I feel about you… it makes me want to believe in happily ever after and all that other shit. Being with you makes me feel like maybe it’s not totally impossible.”

As gently as you can, you pull your hands away. “I don’t know,” you repeat hollowly. “I… I need some time to think about it.”

You step away and he lets you, his hands falling uselessly to his sides. 

“It’s not no,” you tell him, the only comfort you can offer him, nothing more. “I just… please, I need to think.”

You leave him in your apartment, don’t even wait to let him out. With shaking hands, you unlock your car and get in, scarcely breathing until the apartment building has disappeared from view.

Then, you drive to your sister’s house.

–

Her husband answers the door, the first time you’ve seen him since the wedding. He looks surprised - understandable, because you’ve never been there before, never ever just showed up, and also it’s probably very clear that you’ve been crying.

He greets you by name, but the shock in his voice makes you feel so guilty that you whisper, “I can come back another time, I can give her a call first -”

“No,” he cuts you off. There’s something you can’t name in his tone. “I’m - I think she’ll be really glad you came. Please come in.”

It isn’t a formal please, come in, that you’d give to someone as a pleasantry. He means, please, come inside and talk to your sister, please, come in so she can see that you came here for her. 

You hear it loud and clear. You wonder if Nayoung has felt as rejected by you as you’ve felt by her, over the years. 

Nayoung rises when she sees you enter the room, her face flashing from surprised to concerned.

“What happened?” she asks, as she rounds the corner of her couch, already coming to hug you.

And you let her. You open your arms and step into her embrace, because despite the way you’d grown up, she’s here now and she’s trying and you think you might like having her in your life.

“I slept with Seungcheol last night,” you tell her miserably.

Behind you, Jeongwoo says uncomfortably, “Um, I’m going to run to the store. I’ll get ice cream.”

Nayoung lifts her head to make eye contact with him over your shoulder and he adds, “And wine.”

On your sister’s couch, you tell her everything - almost everything. The way Seungcheol had disappeared, how you’d assumed he was choosing Jieun for good. How he’d shown up, had asked you to try, had laid his heart out for you.

How you’d run.

It makes you cry all over again. 

“I don’t know what to do,” you admit through your tears. “I know what I want to do. But there’s so many what if’s…”

“There always are,” she says seriously. “There are no guarantees with love. The question is, do you believe that he’ll really try - that he means what he’s telling you? Or do you think it’s just lines to get you to say yes?”

“Of course I believe he means it,” you say, almost surprised. But Nayoung doesn’t know Seungcheol like you do, doesn’t know how genuine his heart is. “I’m just scared he’ll… change his mind later, or something.”

“No one can promise you forever,” she points out, a little sadly.

“How can you say that?” you ask her. “You’re married. You took a vow in front of the whole family to love each other forever.”

“Sure,” she agrees. “But what I mean is that when you’re with someone… every day is a choice. You’re choosing them over the rest of the world every day that you wake up. The vow Jeongwoo and I took was to keep choosing each other, even if there are days that it’s hard.”

You drop your gaze and run your hands over the cushion of her couch absently. 

“If you’re asking me what I think you should do,” she says, “then I think you should let him try. I’m not telling you to marry him tomorrow. What could it hurt to try dating?”

“My heart,” you answer pitifully.

She reaches for your knee and gives you a playful shake. “But would that really be worse than walking away and wondering if you missed out on something real? Wouldn’t it drive you crazy not to know?”

You think about this question for the rest of the night, even after you’ve gone home again. 

When you let yourself into the apartment, you hold your breath. You know it’s ridiculous, but part of you wonders if Seungcheol will be waiting for you, waiting to make you talk about it.

The door swings open. The apartment is dark, and silent.

You think about calling him, or at least texting him - but what would you say? You’re still not sure what you want. 

Soonyoung texts you the next night - come over for pizza and movie??? pls pls??

You text back, idk. who’s coming over?

He understands the real question, sends back, he’s already here. please come anyway, noona :( chan misses you.

You sit on the edge of your bed, your phone in your hands, and hang your head, wracked with indecision.

You do know what you want. You’d said as much to Nayoung yesterday. But just because you want something doesn’t mean it’s good for you.

Your sheets still smell like Seungcheol. You want to bury yourself in them, breathe him in. You think just his smell is enough to make your head clear, your pulse calm, your pain ease.

It is this that tips you into making a choice. 

This was never about deciding if you want him. It’s been about deciding if you can trust him to take care of you.

With a sigh, you swipe back to the conversation and tell him, i’ll head over in a bit. 

The scene at Soonyoung and Chan’s is as familiar as your own home. The television screen flashes with whatever game Wonwoo and Vernon are playing, the blue LED lights lining the ceiling’s edges. Your brother’s and Chan’s voices float from the kitchen, bickering. And Seungcheol sits in his usual chair, his dark eyes on you, still and serious.

You freeze in the doorway, caught in his heavy, unwavering gaze. 

The moment stretches. He’s asking you a question without speaking, without moving, and you know that whatever you do next is an answer - definitively yes, or definitively no. 

It’s like the whole world stills around you, waiting to see… what will it be? If you shake your head or turn away, you know it means losing your chance with Seungcheol forever. He gave you grace and time to process but if you turn him down now, he won’t be crawling back.

And maybe that’s the safe option - maybe that’s the option that keeps your heart nice and swaddled, alone on your island.

But you’re trying not to be like that anymore. You’re trying to let people in. You’re trying to give others a chance.

He deserves a chance - and so do you.

You take a bracing breath and cross the room. As soon as he can tell you’re heading for him, a smile lights up his face, and his hands are ready for you, reaching to help you balance as you climb up and side sideways across his lap, your arms looping around his neck.

You hear one of the controllers hit the floor - either Wonwoo or Vernon has dropped it in shock - and then the whole room explodes into protest as you lean in and press your mouth to Seungcheol’s, as his arms wind around your back and pull you in closer.

You hear your brother shout, “Not in my living room!” and Chan’s horrified, “That is my sister!”

You tune them all out; you don’t even care. You want him to know you mean it, that you aren’t scared, that you’re in this as much as he is - for as long as he is.

He’s smiling against your lips and it’s infectious - you’re fighting your smile too, so filled with happiness and hope that you can barely hold it in. 

You break away, beaming at each other.

“All right, all right,” Seungcheol says, flapping a hand at your brother, unphased. “Calm your ass down, we’re done.”

“We’re not done,” you murmur to him, and he laughs, loud. The sound lights you up.

“Okay, we’re not done, but we’ll leave,” he concedes. You stand unsteadily, still laughing, and he leads you by the hand towards the door. You wave an unapologetic and cheerful goodbye over your shoulder and let him pull you into the hallway. 

His hand fits yours, secure and sure, large and warm, as he pulls into a future where you don’t have to be alone to be happy. His hand squeezes yours to punctuate his smile, dimples popping, promising you a wild kind of love - with time. With him.

You think you might want your hand in his forever.

<- Prev

ahhhhhhhhhhhh it's overrrrr!!!! :(

thank you so much for joining me for this series and i hope i'll see you at my next!!

[hypnotizedstarkey]

study buddy part 2!

not proof read!

summary: in which after the first session, nerd!rafe and reader can’t seem to focus on the real work again

warnings: unprotected p in v (wrap it up!), switch!rafe, female receiving, hair pulling, praising, slight overstimulation, ride cowgirl!, etc?

previous

it’s been a week since i’ve seen rafe. i’ve never been so confused about a man before, every time he’s seen me he has avoided my path and hasn’t looked at me. like he’s regretting that session.

i’m watching him across the room as we speak and he definitely knows i’m staring right at him.

why the fuck wont he talk to me let alone look at me.

i get up, on foot in front of the other and march towards him. “rafe-“ he gets up, gathering his things, fixing his glasses and walking away. actually what the fuck.

i follow him out into the empty hallway of our campus. walking at a faster pace this time to catch up to him, “no what’s your fucking problem, rafe?” my sharp tone coming off strong. he stops. “y/n-“ he goes to answer. “no seriously why are you completely avoiding me? did i do something wrong?” i don’t understand what i could’ve done, i feel like he might regret that session or regret doing it with me.

he turns around.

“you didn’t do anything wrong.. listen i’ve just been feeling like maybe you weren’t looking for anything serious, i mean ive heard you’ve been going out with other guys and not that that’s a bad thing, im sure lots of guys would take that chance to go out with you, i mean i would- no i wouldnt- no i dont mean i wouldn’t” his rambling starting to come out and he’s basically trembling. “rafe i haven’t been going out with anyone since the last time i saw you.” his nervous expression falls.

“really?” “really.”

there’s a silence between us and now im the one starting to feel nervous.

“do you want some help again?” he clears his throat, still avoiding eye contact. “yeah..” i walk towards him, walking side by side. a small dares to form across my face.

as i unlock my door, rafe behind me, i feel the familiarity of the first time i had him on my bed.

rafe pulls out the same chair he used last time to tutor me, “so which part do you need help on?”

as time passed, i grew more and more bored of the assignments and studying, all i could focus on was his face and the way he spoke, the way his hands grazed the pages he flipped, the way his fingers grew up to his glasses to push them to the spot they were always in.

i must’ve started growing delusional because i swear rafe was focusing on me more than usual, like he was thinking of me the way i was thinking of him.

“we can take a break?” i suggest breaking the tension that filled us. “yeah let’s take a break” he was quick to agree. our eyes stuck on each other. the air grew thick and the room suddenly became hot and intense.

our bodies somehow grew closer together and our knees touching, neither of us wanting to move, hoping the small touch would get us to settle down.

“fuck this” rafe reaching across the table pulling me and hungrily kissing me, our tongues dancing heavily and our breathing growing stronger. we both are fumbling across the room and into my bed, unbuckling his pants and taking each others clothes off. our kisses wandering onto each others bodies, his lips on my chest and his hands removing my bra.

i gasped as he lapped his tongue around my nipples, massaging and pinching one of he wasn’t using his mouth on it. “feels ‘s good” his eyes looking up at me, watching the pleasure he was giving me. unlatching his mouth from my breasts, he pushes me back a little, making me lay down. he kisses down to my stomach, then to my lace wet panties. “you’re so beautiful. i’m obsessed with you.” his words making me melt by the second.

my hair spread across the bed, my face suddenly feeling flushed. “let me these off, hm?” i nodded. “gonna let me taste you. baby? say yes or i’ll stop.” “yes rafe please just touch me already.” the desperation in my voice embarrassing me a little, this is probably what it felt like for him.

he pulls off my panties, stuffing them in his pocket. he leaves kisses on the inside and outside of my thighs, worshipping my body. finally, licking a strip up to my bud. a gasp leaving my mouth as he continues to lap his tongue around me. moans leaving my mouth as i tug on his hair. he groans in pleasure.

who would’ve though the nerdiest boy on our campus was so slutty in bed?

without a warning, he shoves his two fingers into me hitting a spot in me i haven’t felt before. “rafe- oh my god!” a loud moan releasing from me as he continued to work his way through my pleasure. his nose beginning to hit my bud and my eyes roll back, moans struggling to come from me. his free hand comes up to massage and pinch my nipples once again, sending me over the edge. “i’m gonna cum!” he doesn’t stop and curls his fingers inside of me.

“cum on my mouth please” his desperation kicking in.

i feel that familiar band snap in me and i already feel so fucked out of my mind. where the fuck did he learn how to do that?

my breaths heavy and hair a mess. i move towards him, his mouth glistening with his spit mixed with my juices. he looks so fucking good like this. i kiss him, tasting myself. our kiss heats up once again and i feel him poking my through his pants. “let me take care of you, pretty boy, yeah?” now he’s nodding his head frantically as i palm him through his boxers, freeing him from them i get on top of him.

“let me do all the work for now” before he knows it im the one on top of him, i grab him, rubbing his tip against my wetness, his mouth dropping open a little in awe. “stop teasin’” his eyes begging for me to fuck him. i sink down slowly, both of us gasp. “oh fuckkk” a low groan coming from him as i slowly rock my hips against his.

his eyes closed now from the pleasure taking over, “keep your eyes open or i’ll stop moving, rafe.” my voice stern, his eyes snap open and he looks drunk on how good he feels. i grow my pace faster, the sounds of our mess making the room filled with moans and groans. “you’re doing ‘s good for me, yeah? you like how i’m fucking you dumb?” he moans in response. i grab his jaw, his mouth opening slightly, “tell me, rafe.” he puts his head back a little and i bounce harder against him. “holy shit yes y/n!” his moans making me need to cum again.

“gonna cum for me rafey? be so good for me?” he nods, slight drool coming out of his mouth. “show me how much you want to cum.” his hands are gripping on my ass, slapping one of them harshly. he wraps his arms around my waist and starts fucking hammering into me. his balls slapping against me. he feels so deep inside of me and my nails are scratching his shoulders and back but he definitely likes it with the way he’s moaning.

“rafe! i’m gonna cum!” he doesn’t slow down, drunk on how good we both feel and caught in the moment. he reaches down to my bud, rubbing it in circles, making me shudder. the second time i feel the familiar band in my snap, this time hitting my harder.

rafe doesn’t stop rubbing my clit. my sensitive bud making me moan out in a pain like pleasure. “too sensitive!” i manage to moan out, snapping him from his trance. he finally gets the same familiar feeling, his hot cum inside of me now. he slowly pulls out of me, watching our mixed juices leak from me. the room is now filled with the sound of rapid breathing.

he kisses my lips, this time sweetly and leaving kisses along my face. the butterflies in my stomach.

“can i take you out on a real date? instead of a “session”?” he uses his fingers to air quote “session”, a chuckle leaving his mouth.

a laugh leaves my lips, “i was hoping you’d ask, nerd boy.”

i love my awkward couple! don’t you?

don’t be afraid to leave some requests and thank you for liking these!!! 💞

[gamblersdoll]

thinking abt Izuku & Bakugou giving their s/o their first creampie 🫢 like it’s their VERY first creampie and they’re squirming and whining from how warm it feels inside their belly

- 🍷

double stuffing heroes, creampie, a little mean izuku

they cant even believe that they were able to do this, your creamy essence snapping them back to reality and izuku groans from katsuki’s veins rubbing against his.

“t—oo much! cant—!” you gasp, izuku reaching a newer depth from his old one. “zuukuu!”

“thats some bull,” katsuki scoffs, his eyes rolling with sarcasm laced arousal. “ya dont feel how heavy my balls are, princess? or are you ball blind?” he asks, a huff against your neck and he licks sloppily.

“heavy balls dont come close when it comes to having such a heavier dick pressing up to her stomach, right pumpkin? hm? tell kacchan thats what you really want.”

again, with the goddamn challenging for the both of them.

“oh yeah? how about whoever comes first— and the most, gets to eat her ass tonight. how ‘bout that?” he taunts, a glare from izuku and then suddenly, youre squeezed indefinitely between them. “thats the spirit,number three.”

a light switch goes off in izuku, him grabbing your hair from behind and he pants against your ear. mean, wind knocking thrusts force your air to leave your body, feeling lightheaded. “make me come, thats all yer’ good for right now.”

a coo comes from the blonde, and a chuckle. “d’aww, thats not fair to her, maybe she’ll have me coming—“ he gasps, feeling your walls spasm on him, “have me coming.. soon.”

“talk alot of shit for a man who cant last an hour.” izuku spits at him, venom in his voice. they glare at each other, eyes rolling when their balls lurch. “ohfuck—“

“yeah, you fucking— dumbass!” katsuki grunts, both men pressing themselves against your frame to empty their sacks from pentness.

it feels hot, your walls feeling like they were stuffed with the thickest of creams there was.. it made you want to crumble, legs flailing and you try to leave their grips. but they just stare in awe.

“oh, you poor thing.” katsuki cooed faux, kissing your head as he stayed inside of you. “ferget thats yer first creampie.” he snickers, biting your cheek.

“yeah, well..” izuku mumbles, green and black hair sticking to his forehead and he pulls away slightly, a hiss from both of the men. “fuck.. we knotted her.”

“seems like i get to eat ass tonight then.” katsuki shrugs, watching his rival’s expression. “what? i know you came five seconds after mine.”

“if you can unknot her, then fine. but she has to agree to it.”

why cant they drop that rivalry shit and get you a drink.

[hoonieyun]

the snake ₊ ⊹

pairing: lee heeseung x reader genre: angst, romance, betrayal, strangers to lovers warnings: religious themes, kissing, profanity, skin ship, alcohol, cheating, manipulation, toxic relationships, suggestive, talks about losing virginity and sex but not explicit, yn has an anxiety attack, 18+

synopsis: your simple life takes a turn when meeting heeseung, a handsome stranger turned boyfriend who shows you all of the finer things in life; making you question your desires and temptations.

hoonieyun notes: guys im gonna be honest i wasn't expecting this to be this long so please don't expect the others to be as long or idk they might be im not sure LOL but im also going to say i dont think this is my best work, i think i got a little too in my head when writing this but i hope you enjoy it nonetheless!!

wc: 8567

the garden of eden

once a stranger that you had met on a sunday at church, you never knew how big of a role he’d play in your life. 

it was a bright and windy spring day. 

april 13th, a few clouds were in the sky, hugging the sun, when you had finished church. the day was still early but there was so much to do. your family wasn’t anyone important in the church, although the pastor made it a point to mention that everyone who steps into the home of jesus was important, you and your parents weren’t anyone who had a strong impact. 

you simply went to church on sunday at 10am and would leave at noon. on most days you’d have lunch with your parents at a seaside diner a few miles away but on this specific day, the pastor had spoken with your parents beforehand and discussed with them on how you should join their youth group, specifying that they had groups of all ages. you weren’t particularly opposed to the idea, it gave you something to do on sundays instead of spending it laying on your bed scrolling through your phone or procrastinating the homework you had for college. 

your parents had said yes before you could respond and although it rubbed you the wrong way, you chose not to fight it because you weren’t necessarily sure if you cared enough. that’s how you found yourself in a dimly lit room, somewhere in the back of the church, with several empty tables surrounding you. 

the air was stale and the sun barely shone through the curtains of the windows. if it was any other scenario, you’d probably find it quite eerie but you barely had enough time to let that unsettling feeling creep into your stomach because someone else was entering the room just as you began to wonder if this is where you should be right now. 

enter: heeseung. 

he was tall, light brown hair swept across his forehead, and an unsuspecting smile was plastered across his face as he walked into the room. 

“yn, this is heeseung. heeseung, yn. you two are the newest members of our youth group. i’d introduce you both to everyone but i thought since they all know each other and you two are new, i’d let you both get to know one another first before throwing you in with the other kids.” the pastor says and you and heeseung awkwardly exchange glances at each other. 

was it that serious? 

you still aren’t sure but for the next hour or so, you and heeseung bonded with one another in ways you haven't bonded with anyone before. a stranger at that. 

heeseung was sweet and kind, he found ways to help you open up about yourself in the short hour that you hadn’t even opened up to your friends. he made you laugh and not the type of laugh that had your eyes squeezing shut and your head thrown back, but the type of laugh that felt like it was reserved for a specific person. 

those 60 minutes felt like eternity with heeseung. not because it felt long and grooling, but because it felt like time stopped. for the first time, someone understood you in ways where you didn’t feel like you were putting up a guard. heeseung had this ability of just grounding you and you found yourself melting into him. 

that hour with heeseung on a random sunday turned to sticking by his side every sunday and eventually, becoming his girlfriend. 

he introduced you to all of the different things in life that you hadn’t experienced before. life before heeseung felt bland, mundane, and like you were a vcr constantly being played back and being forced to relive the same boring day over and over again. 

you didn’t have much to live for, aside from your parents and your small dog, life was just… life. 

heeseung showed you so much more than just life. 

but you knew to trust him. 

later that night, heeseung picked you up in his beat up cadillac. it was black in color but because it was so old, one could describe it as grey instead. he got it from his grandpa last summer who said that if he could fix it up and get it running, it was his. if heeseung was going to do one thing, it was get what he wanted. 

the party was everything you expected it to be, loud music, crowded rooms, and faces that you didn’t recognize except for a few people you knew from church. you didn’t expect to see anyone you knew, let alone some of the girls and their boyfriend’s from your church. heeseung’s hand didn’t let go of yours not once the whole night. he was there by your side from the moment he parked his car and the moment the night ended. 

that night was a lot of your firsts. 

first college party and party in general. 

first taste of alcohol, even when you turned 21 you had no desire to try it. 

first kiss. it sounds weird to say that you and heeseung were dating for a few months but he made no move to kiss you or any other advances. until that night, he gave you a few drinks and because you trusted him, you accepted the cup and drank what was inside; heeseung mirroring your actions. it didn’t take much to have you drunk and slurring your words so heeseung took that as the sign to take you home. 

you didn’t want to go home though so heeseung took you to his place where you’d end up spending the night. when heeseung carried you to his room, he gently set you down on his mattress before going to his bathroom. he returned with a purple item in his hands that crinkled when he fidgeted with it. 

“close your eyes..” heeseung whispers and you do as such. a cold and moist feeling meets your skin and you realize that he was taking your makeup off. such a tender and simple yet intimate moment between two people. his fingers on your skin were gentle and it only amplified your feelings for him. 

accompanied with the alcohol in your system and heeseung’s pretty face in front of you, your eyes traveled from his doe eyes to the plumpness of his lips. you blinked several times as you studied the shape of them. how pink they looked despite his room being fairly dark and how soft they looked even though you’ve never seen heeseung carry or use lipbalm in the time you’ve known him. 

“you alright, yn?” heeseung asks and you’re taken out of your thoughts as you look up at him. his tall stature stood way above you as you sat on his bed. heeseung smirked at the way you looked right now, looking up at him with wide and soft eyes. you looked so delicate and he was starting to struggle keeping to himself. 

you nodded, swallowing the dryness in your throat after heeseung's hands found them on your cheek; lightly caressing your face with his thumb. “i’ll get you some water and i’ll be right back, ok?” he says, softly patting your cheek before heading out of his bedroom. 

while heeseung is gone, you decide to take a look around his bedroom while you wait. the room was definitely one of a young man, clothes lazily thrown on various surfaces, a guitar was propped up in the corner of the room next to his dresser that had clothes peeking out, and several music and movie posters plastered on the wall. 

you got up to look at the photos on his desk, a frame that separated into four that contained pictures of him as a baby, a high school graduatone of the many times that heeseung brought something new into your life was when summer break began shortly after meeting him that spring. university was beginning to get busy during the spring with the semester soon being over so the both of you barely had time to see each other. once summer had officially started, heeseung took the first opportunity to see you and have some fun. 

“you really haven’t been to a college party before?” he asks, a smirk on his face. he was filled with intrigue at the idea of you being so sheltered and innocent, not to anyone’s fault but your own as you chose to stay away from those things. your parents didn’t restrict you from living a normal college life, they even encouraged it by saying all you have to do is be safe, but you took safety a little too seriously and chose to stay in all the time. 

you shook your head in response, a small pout on your lips as heeseung’s smile spread even wider. he had convinced you to come to a first day of summer party one of his friend’s was throwing. it was at the other university in your town and you were nervous about not  knowing anyone besides heeseung and that worried you. 

ion photo, and the other two of him with his parents. the pictures made you smile, heeseung still looked cute as ever and you could see the similarities of his features as a baby grow into the features he has now. you set the frame down and your eyes soon focus on a leather bound book open on his desk. you had met heeseung at church but his faith and the house of god was rarely a topic the two of you discussed. 

maybe it was because neither of you wanted to waste your time together with something already occupying your daily lives. you lean in closer to take a look at what page his bible was opened to, curious as to what heeseung has been reading but the opportunity quickly fades when heeseung’s voice gains your attention. 

“what are you looking at?” he asks, not in a way that felt like you had just been caught but one of genuine curiosity. you tell him that it was nothing, just admiring his baby photos and he just blushes while grabbing your hand and giving you the water he brought. the water is cold and almost stings your throat as you swallow it, like it was burning the scars that the alcohol had previously created. 

“feeling better, angel?” heeseung asks and you nod as you finish swallowing the water, thanking him for taking care of you. the low light in his room doesn’t allow for much to be seen, a lot of vague shapes and shadows as the night progresses further into darkness. what you can see clearly, however, is heeseung. he’s got his eyes glued to your face, taking in your features. the way your cheeks were still flushed from the alcohol he gave you, the way your eyes drooped and how you tried your best to keep them open, and the way your lips would pout as you tried to bite away the dryness of your lips. 

heeseung just loved watching you and he loved it even more knowing you were by his side. 

“can i kiss you?” 

the question hangs heavily in the air and for a second you just blink at him, unsure if you had heard his question correctly, but when heeseung asks again; you pull him close by the collar of his shirt and press your lips against his. the kiss sends a shock through your body, you don’t know where the sudden burst of boldness came from but it soon crumbled away when heeseung reciprocated your actions with even more passion. 

he kissed you back with so much desire, like he had been waiting for this moment for so long. his hands find a home on your waist and hips as he pushes himself over you, your body slowly falling onto his mattress. heeseung was now on top of you, devouring you into his mouth like his life depended on it. 

you were too embarrassed to tell heeseung that this is the most you’ve ever done with anyone, hell, you hadn’t even had your first kiss until now and it’s feeling like tonight was full of firsts for you. however, when heeseung begins to take his clothes off, pulling himself off of you for a second to shrug off his jacket, you take the moment to stop it before it goes any further. 

it wasn’t particularly because you were scared.. well, maybe you were. but you weren’t sure why. 

you had always been told of the sins of premarital sex and right now it was feeling a lot like that. had you even sinned before this moment? the question makes you recall all of the other events of the night and you come to the conclusion that you had sinned several times in one night. the guilt eats you from the inside out and you can't bring yourself to keep going. the way the faint light from outside of heeseung’s window cast a shadow across his face made him look almost unrecognizable. 

his eyes were the only thing that was easily identifiable but even then it didn’t feel like his eyes. like they belonged to someone else. heeseung’s eyes didn’t look bright or soft like they usually do, but instead were sharp; like a predator hunting its prey, stalking it in the shadows and waiting for the right time to pounce. 

temptation was something you never had to worry about. that, paired with desire, you knew it was a dangerous thing and although this specific moment felt good and your body reacted the way you expected it to react, you couldn’t help but think about how this is what you were told would happen. how you’d hear the whispers of heavenly causes and fondness when you were closest to sin. 

 when heeseung leaned down to continue kissing you, your hand flew to his chest to stop him, “hee.. um. i’m tired, maybe we should sleep.” it came off more as a suggestion but you didn't know how to tell him to stop. you could barely make out the expression on his face but you could feel the disappointment. he doesn’t say anything, heeseung just nods and gives you a smile, one that doesn’t reach his eyes. 

heeseung pulled you close against his body, his warmth was enough to lull you to sleep, but the soft humming of his voice made you fall asleep even quicker. you were grateful that heeseung wasn’t upset about your decision and maybe it was a sign that he was the right one for you. you couldn’t deny that you were enjoying it but you’re just not ready for it and heeseung understood that. 

just not in the way you’d want him to. 

he didn’t fall asleep as fast as you did that night. he was staring at the back of your head for a while before he moved to staring at his ceiling; all the while his arms never left their place around your waist. heeseung was disappointed, he’s wanted to taste you for so long and he thought it would finally play out tonight. the way you tasted against his lips, the faint flavor of alcohol that clung to your tongue, how his own tongue fit into your mouth perfectly. it was like heaven to him, but heaven was short lived. 

matthew 4:1-11 jesus’ temptation in the wilderness  

after that night with heeseung, you hadn’t seen or heard from him in a few weeks. you were beginning to worry that your decision to not go any further drove him away that night and it made your chest ache. had you really been this dispensable to heeseung that any moment of resistance would create a wedge between the two of you. 

it made you regret your decision that night. you didn’t know how important heeseung was to you until now. no text or calls until 3am like you usually do, you didn’t even see him at church on sundays, and when you’d try to approach his parents; they’d just tell you that heeseung hasn’t been feeling well. you were beginning to feel so much guilt that your own decisions led you to losing him and you just wished you could go back to that night. 

what you felt that night wasn’t bad and although you had been told your whole life that it was, you couldn’t help but feel for heeseung the way he felt towards you. you were a virgin and for a while, you believed you’d be one until marriage; but heeseung showed you a type of love and desire that wasn’t anything you had felt before. 

the way he treated you felt good and maybe you just needed to admit to yourself that you were ready for it and to stop being afraid. 

when you were a child, you were really afraid of going on the swing set at the park; you had a fear that you’d swing so high up that it would catapult you into the sky and you’d never be able to come back down and see your parents ever again. 

the irrationality of that fear didn’t exist in your mind because the fear was so pervasive that you couldn’t think of anything else besides that. when you had finally gotten on the swing after confessing to your mom why you were afraid, it was nothing like that. it was fun. the breeze that blew past your face and the warmth of the sun on your skin as you swung upwards felt like a hug. 

maybe it was like that. 

being afraid for no reason and when you finally got to the point of doing it, everything would be fine in the end. 

after church on sunday, you decided that you’d walk home, telling your parents that you needed some fresh air and would stop by the park and head home after. your parents didn’t say much besides the usual “be safe and don’t be home too late”. thankfully, they were never overbearing and allowed you to have some semblance of freedom. 

you couldn’t say the same to a lot of the other girls at your church. you had it easy compared to them, they had parents that didn’t allow them to wear certain clothes if it showed too much skin, their hair was always down because putting it up would reveal their necks, white shoes in the church would always be paired with white frill socks, and by no means, at all, should they ever mess around with a boy– and yet… they all seemed to have so much more experience than you did. 

the three girls who were in charge of the youth group, all around your age, were all dating someone from the youth group. good and respectable boys that their fathers approved of but when heeseung took you to that party, you saw all of them. 

drinks in hand, hands on neck, and necks on display. it was as if the way they appeared at church was just a facade and this was who they truly were. it came to you as a shock that the way the girls and boys at your church presented themselves was drastically different. like they lived completely opposite lives to the ones you assumed they lived when you’d see them walk through the big wooden doors of the chapel. 

maybe they appeared that way for the approval of their parents because it definitely wasn’t for the lord’s approval as he’s been witness to the sins that they’ve committed. you saw the same three girls head to the back section of the church where youth groups met and just a few feet behind them were their boyfriends. you would’ve never guessed that the sweet smiles and kind gestures they offered to the elders at the church were their ways of protecting who they really were underneath the tight pleated skirts that stopped just above their ankles and the soft wool fabric of the sweaters the boys would wear over their white dress shirts. 

you walked right past them and decided to exit, not wanting to attend the youth group because it only reminded you of heeseung, “not attending today, yn? we haven’t seen you in a while.” one of the girls said, a bright smile on her glossy pink lips. you shook your head in response and continued walking but halted in your steps when a thought popped inside of your brain. 

“do you- do you know where heeseung’s been?” you ask her as she’s about to shut the door to the room, she gives you a small smirk; like she knew exactly what you were getting at and better yet, she knew what you and heeseung had been up to prior to his disappearance. just as you saw all of those people at that party that you saw regularly at church, they saw you too. 

“try looking at eden park. there’s a little garden in the back east of the park; it’s covered by a lot of trees but there’s like a red sign there. you’ll know it when you see it.” 

you thank her before heading off, surprised that she had given you any information at all because you two weren’t necessarily friends with one another. 

the walk to eden park wasn’t long but it felt like eternity as you ran through the different things you’d say to heeseung if he was even there. did you have any reason to trust her words, no; but you also didn’t have any reason not to trust her.

you were beginning to think that doubt was a normal thing in your life. or maybe more so curiosity. curious if heeseung would be there and curious if her advice would ring true. curious where heeseung has been and why he’s been ignoring you. curious on what would’ve happened if you didn’t stop heeseung that night. curious if heeseung still felt the same about you. as you walked through the short patch of forest at the back of eden park, twigs snapped and leaves crunched underneath the soles of your white shoes. you were beginning to think you had been lied to but that was until you stopped at a tree to catch your breath and contemplated turning around when you saw a wooden plank hanging from a branch just a few feet away. 

just like she said, the sign was covered in red paint and had words in black paint. 

“garden of eden” 

you blinked several times at the sign as you walked closer, staring at it as if it was a symbol of something but you couldn’t quite put your finger on why it seemed like it was of importance. as you pondered, you soon could hear several voices emerge from behind a group of trees– following the voices, a clearing of grass welcomed you and you finally saw him. 

heeseung is sitting on a wooden bench, surrounded by three guys who you didn’t really know but recognized from your town and occasionally at church. heeseung had a cigarette in between his fingers, smoke flowing from his lips as he took a drag and exhaled. you looked at him for a moment, had he gotten more handsome since you last saw him? 

your heart began to beat a lot faster at the sight of heeseung. you missed him dearly and his absence in your life has had a bigger impact on you than you could imagine. 

“hee?” you say, your voice is soft but effective because it catches the attention of all four boys. the boy that you recognize as jake was the one you were most familiar with. he had been showing up more frequently in your neighborhood because he started seeing the girl that lived next door recently. the other two you didn’t know much. 

heeseung’s big eyes shoot upwards and catch your gaze. heeseung would be lying if he said you didn’t look beautiful because the way the sun was peeking through the leaves of the trees and the light brush of the breeze in the air made you look ethereal. his voice gets caught in his throat because he isn’t even able to say anything. 

“you know her, heeseung?” one of the boys with thick eyebrows asks and he just stares at you. he’s not sure if it’s because he doesn’t know what to say or if it’s because your beauty has him stunned. truthfully, heeseung has been ignoring you because he was disappointed you didn’t want to have sex with him but after seeing you now; he’s feeling like an idiot. you looked so beautiful, the way your eyes seemed to sparkle under the sunlight, the way the sun cast a shadow on your face but perfectly highlighted your lips, and how your hair effortlessly blew around your face– avoiding obstruction of your beauty. 

heeseung stutters a small no and it breaks your heart. that small crack in your heart grew and a sense of betrayal strikes through your chest. did heeseung just act like he doesn’t know you? you’re stunned by his words, your eyes continue to glisten but this time from the tears threatening to spill and your lips fall into a frown. you swallow the dryness in your throat and don’t even know what to say– this was the last thing you expected to happen. 

“what’s your name, pretty?” the other unknown boy asks and heeseung’s jaw tightens at his question. he sends him a glare from behind that only you notice but not even that could help how you are feeling right now. without a second thought, you turn on your heel and run out of the garden, out of the small forest, and throw eden park. 

tears have made their journey from yours down to your jaw, not even bothering to wipe your face as it begins to blur your vision. there were so many emotions running through your mind and the aching behind the boned cage in your chest was getting unbearable. it was like you could faint at any moment– you clutch the fabric of your yellow dress as you continue to run. the fabric crumpled under your tight grip but it didn’t provide any support. 

your chest was tightening and your breathing was getting sporadic. 

is this what death feels like? you thought to yourself as you got closer to home, bursting through the back door and ignoring the calls from your mother that dinner would be done soon. she doesn’t pay much attention to you and doesn’t realize the state you’re in. stumbling in your bedroom and locking the door behind you, you tear off the clothes confining your body, scratching and palming at your chest and neck as you begin to struggle even more to breathe. 

the walls of your room begin to spin as you try your best to crawl to your bed, barely pulling yourself up from the floor onto the plush mattress. you try to steady the dizziness in your head but the pressure behind your eyes was taking over and you didn’t know why this was happening. 

a white light flashes over your vision and a high pitched ringing floods your ears. 

a cool breeze wakes you from your slumber, eyes fluttering open as you’re met with the bright blue sky with a warm yellow ball kissing your skin. you aren’t sure what time of day it is but the only thing on your mind is the fact that you woke up in a field of grass and flowers. you palm the grass near you and reach for the white petaled flower, “lily of the valley..” you murmured. 

you looked around the field and it stretched yards and yards around you as small white flowers were sprinkled throughout the endless sea of green. confusion fills your mind as you squint at your eyes when a tree off in the distance comes into your vision, you hadn’t seen it prior when you first looked around. the tree had just suddenly appeared and it was like the tree's roots had emerged from underneath you. breaking through the dirt and wrapping itself around you as you find yourself walking closer and closer to the large tree. 

the tree’s branches and leaves swayed as the wind blew. there was a faint ringing in the air as you looked at the bark of the tree, its lines and abstract patterns reading in your head like an optical illusion. 

that light-headed feeling you’ve grown familiar with is starting to return and when your knees almost give out from underneath you, a pair of strong arms catch you before your body meets the earth beneath you. 

you look up to find heeseung staring back at you, a small smile on his face as he pulls you upright. eyes rapidly blinking as you process the boy standing in front of you. similar to the tree it seems like he just materialized. “what’s wrong, honey? you look like you’ve just seen a ghost.” 

it was hard to come up with a response when nothing made sense, heeseung and this tree randomly emerged and when you felt like it was just a mirage of sorts from being awoken; everything felt so real. you reached out to grab heeseung’s face and the soft plush skin under your fingers only solidified how real heeseung was right in front of you. 

“take a seat, you look like you could faint at any moment.” 

heeseung guides you to the ground, carefully assisting you in sitting next to the tree; resting your body against the rough bark. “hee, where are we?” 

he doesn’t respond right away, eyes travelling from your exposed knees, over the curves of your lips, and landing on your eyes. the sun was shining just right and it was illuminating your eyes and making them appear as marbles. the colors are piercing and so striking, “it doesn’t matter where we are, all that matters is that we’re together.” 

the moment feels warm and touching, it was like all of the worries and issues you previously had with heeseung had just disappeared and there was nothing getting in the way of what you have now. you smiled at his response, resting your head on his shoulder as his arm wraps itself around you. it was times like this that you shared with heeseung that felt a lot like heaven. a type of luxury that you couldn’t always afford. 

“hee?” you ask, turning your head to face him, eyes directed upwards. 

“how did you get here?” 

you can hear him swallow his response, his heartbeat slightly speeding up at your question. 

“you look a bit sick, are you ok?” 

“im fine– can you answer me? i’m not sure how i even got here, then you just appeared..” 

“honey, you’re looking faint– hold on.” heeseung gently pulls away from you and stands on his feet. your eyes follow him as you watch him reach for an apple from the tree, one that you hadn’t noticed prior. your eyes travel to the hem of his shirt, his skin peeking out slightly as the fabric rises a bit higher than where it usually falls. heat rises to your cheek at the sight of heeseung’s skin being on display. 

things suddenly appearing with no explanation was making it a lot easier to identify real from fake– and right now; it was all seeming fake. “that apple wasn’t there before, i– here eat this. you look sick and you’re worrying me.” heeseung interrupts you, cracking the apple in half with his bare hands and bringing it close to your lips. 

you look directly into his eyes now that he’s crouched down. you hesitate to take the apple, wondering why heeseung was avoiding your questions. your eyes falter under his gaze and land on the apple itself, the soft hue of the inside of the apple slightly glistening from its moisture. when you reach to grab the apple, heeseung pulls it away, your eyes flying upwards with a confused expression on his actions. 

heeseung simply shakes his head and raises the apple back to your lips, you open your mouth slightly and heeseung gestures for you to keep going, raising his eyebrows with a small smirk to encourage you to take a bite. the cold fruit makes contact with your lips as you take a bite, a soft crunching as the fruit breaks off and falls into your mouth. 

“good girl.” heeseung says, pulling the fruit back and gently patting your head with his other hand. “feel better?” 

you wanted to say yes but that feeling of lightheadedness was starting to creep back in and heeseung, who was at some point just smiling at you, has now tripled in your vision and it was beginning to be difficult to keep your head from rolling to one side. 

“oh, honey. you don’t look so good, just sleep now… ok?” heeseung says, pulling you into his arms; hand gently rubbing your back as the heaviness in your eyes has become too hard to fight off. you rest your head on his chest, heartbeat lightly thudding in your ears like a lullaby. heeseung quietly hums you to sleep as he smiles down at your sleeping figure. he brushes a few strands of hair away from your face to take in your sleeping state. 

“so beautiful..” he mutters to himself. 

“and all mine.” 

the last memory of heeseung on your mind before falling asleep was his smiling face as he fed you that apple, grateful that he cared enough to ensure you had sustenance inside of you– heeseung cared about you so much and his worry that you were falling ill only showed his love. unbeknownst to you, something changed inside of heeseung when he watched you bite from his apple– a smirk growing wider with hidden intention. 

heeseung continued to watch you sleep in his arms, bright red and fiery eyes with dark elliptical pupils down the center. a low hissing in the air as he gently runs his fingers across your exposed neck. 

a rhythmic melody rings throughout your head, getting louder and louder, and when the sound becomes unbearable like it’s playing directly inside of your head at the loudest volume– your eyes fly open. a gasp rips through your chest as you lurch upward, a thick white blanket covers your body and the cold wind from your window sends chills up your body. 

the sky was completely dark and you weren’t sure what time it was, a sense of deja vu washing over you. you suddenly remember that your phone is ringing, the vibrations on your bed aiding you in finding where it was. when you grab the phone, the bright light causes you to flinch and when you squint to adjust, heeseung’s name is written in bright white letters across the screen. 

you stare at his name on your phone a bit too long and the call goes unanswered. your mouth falls slightly open when you realize you were too stunned to answer the phone but his name reappears just as quick as it does disappear. 

“hee?” 

“love? hey.. you answered…” his voice sounded hoarse and a bit slowed– like he had been drinking. 

“i’m outside, can we talk, i know it’s late but i just really needed to see you and– okay. i’ll come down in a second.” you cut him off from rambling because quite frankly; you wanted to see heeseung and confront him about what had happened in the garden earlier in the day. 

the events of your dream are nowhere to be found in your mind as you throw on a sweater over your body and quickly tiptoe outside, making sure not to make any noise so as to not wake your parents. 

and just like he said, heeseung was outside, waiting in his beat up cadillac. the low rumbling of his car gets louder as you approach and when you’re close enough, you can see heeseung’s eyes light up when you come into his vision. 

he reaches over to unlock your side of the door and it makes a squeaking sound when you pull it open, “hey..” he says, just above a whisper. something felt different about heeseung and you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. you weren’t sure if it was because he may have felt guilty for how he treated you in front of those boys or if he truly missed being around you. when you take the seat next to him, he’s quick to grab your hand and place a kiss on your knuckles. his lips staying on your skin for a bit longer like he’s been away from you for too long. 

“hee- i missed you so much.” heeseung says before you could get anything out, continuing to pepper kisses across your arm. the moisture from his lips leave goosebumps rising on your body quicker than you can react to heeseung’s actions. 

he was indulging in you and although you wanted to talk and give him a piece of your brain, the feeling of him on your skin feels a little too good– clearing your thoughts instantly. 

“c’mere.” heeseung says against your skin, pulling you forward and onto his lap. his lips move from your arms to your neck– something that you know better than to keep exposed. you should be afraid of heeseung was going to leave marks but you didn’t care. the kisses burned as he left small wet spots on your neck. you missed this. 

being so close to heeseung and having his body against yours. 

the only thing in your mind was heeseung. 

when he pulled away from your neck to look into your eyes, there was an unspoken conversation happening between the two of you– an agreement that felt like you were able to connect with one another just through a simple gaze. 

heeseung’s hands travel through the flats and curves of your body, over your sweater, and onto the back of your neck. he pulls you forward with ease and for the first time in a while– heeseung presses your lips against his. the electricity that shoots through your body is enough to power a whole town. 

you get lost in the kiss, hands roaming across your body as you place yours on his chest and shoulder for support. the feeling of his hands ghosting over the hem of your sweater and making it’s way under the 2 layers of fabric covering your body. 

right now, your brain, veins, and heart are filled with heeseung. 

and you were content with that. 

the following few weeks after the night with heeseung in his car was filled with sunshine and rainbows. as cliche as it sounded, you were in heaven whenever you were with heeseung, your lips were always formed into a smile and your cheeks always ached from how much he made you laugh. 

you didn’t think life could get any better when you had heeseung by your side and you were so happy to have finally let go of the fear and sharing that moment with heeseung. you trusted him and although there was a low rumbling from inside your chest, you knew that it was just your heart getting used to the new yet exciting experiences that heeseung brought to you. 

tonight would be another one of those nights and you were at a party with heeseung. you had soon learned those boys from the garden that day were his friends jake, who you knew, and jay and sunghoon. you were cordial with them but didn’t bother to get to know them because heeseung always kept quite the short leash on you. 

heeseung didn’t like when you were too far away from him and he made sure to keep you near at all times, except for right now. 

you were making your way through the crowded house of people dancing and drinking to get to heeseung who was patiently waiting for you to return with more alcohol. you had grown quite the habit of drinking and partying when you were with heeseung but you didn’t mind because he taught you to have fun and indulge in these kinds of things. 

when you return to the living room, where you last saw him, you’re stopped in your tracks when you spot heeseung with a girl you didn’t recognize. you weren’t the type to get jealous, at least you didn’t think so, but his hands were dangerously low on her hips and his thumb rubbed circles on the exposed parts of her waist. 

it infuriated you to see him like this and even more at the fact that you weren’t even gone very long and he’s already found some other girl to keep his body warm. warmth was an understatement when describing the fire inside of you now. 

you were furious. 

you stomped towards heeseung and the unknown girl, eyes like daggers as you got closer, and before you could think– the contents of the cups in your hand emptied on both heeseung and the girl. gasps fill the room as the cold liquid makes contact with the girl and those close enough to feel the small fraction of anger inside of you. 

“what the fuck, yn?” heeseung exhales with disbelief. 

you just stare at him, lips pressed into a thin line and arms crossed, head tilted to one side as if you were challenging him. this made heeseung angry even though you were the only person who had every right to be upset right now.  

heeseung roughly grabs your arm, in contrast to the usual gentleness that you were familiar with when it comes to heeseung, and he’s dragging you to a random room on the second floor of the house. you did your best to root your feet into the ground but heeseung’s strength easily overtakes yours as he pulls you into an unfamiliar bathroom. 

“what’s gotten into you, huh?” frustration is clear in his tone. 

he looks at you with sharp eyes, so piercing you couldn’t bear to look into them so your eyes travel along his face. the usual softness of his features disappear due to his anger; his jaw is clenched and the vein on his neck is starting to make an appearance. you scoff in response, not bothering to give him a proper response because he should know exactly what’s gotten you so upset. 

“you wanna act like this?” he was testing you, trying to push you to keep going because he knew that in the end you’d submit to him. his eyes were boring into your face, you could feel the heat on your skin from the alcohol but mostly from the intensity radiating off of heeseung. you had never seen him this upset before and in any other situation maybe you would’ve already apologized; but he was flirting with some random girl at a party that he took you to so you had every right to be angry. 

he was lucky you didn’t do more than just spill some drinks on them. 

“don’t act like i’m being like this out of nowhere, you were practically pushed up on that girl like some needy victorian man.” you huffed, rolling your eyes and crossing your arms. you had never been this way with heeseung. everything is usually so sweet and soft– but in this moment; you’re brought back to all of the times where he’s pulled you to different ends. 

sure, heeseung introduced you to so many joyful things that felt like heaven. things that made you feel so alive and have something to look forward to; he opened your eyes to all of the things you had been missing out on and he brought out a side of you that you never knew lived in the depths of your soul. 

in a lot of ways, he made you the way you are now. 

as often as heeseung showed you heaven, like clockwork, he showed you hell. 

the happy and bright moments shared with heeseung were always followed with a type of low that felt like your body was plummeting through the earth’s crust and sending you to the heated core of the planet. 

like he was able to bring heaven and hell to you at the snap of his fingers. 

“is that what this is about?”

it earns him another scoff. heeseung had a habit of dodging accountability, like when he had promised to take you to the fair during summer because you had been wanting to go and it would be ending soon and the day that you were supposed to go, the last day of the fair being in town, heeseung ghosted you. 

something about how he was caught up with something and when you told him that a simple text would’ve been fine but instead he left you hanging the whole day, he got angry. he accused you of not being considerate of him and how you were so demanding, making you question your actions toward him. forcing you to believe that you were the one in the wrong in the situation and you should be more grateful to have him by your side. 

“you’re jealous over some girl? i don’t even fucking know her name!” 

“and yet you had your hands around her waist, heeseung don’t try to fool me. i know what i saw.” 

heeseung wipes his face in annoyance, small droplets of alcohol flying off of him when he swipes his hand. the argument goes on for what seems like hours. that tiny bathroom at this party was able to block out anything and everything that wasn’t on your side of the wooden door. heeseung had never yelled at you this way and you hadn’t ever spoken in that way before so you sounded unfamiliar to yourself. 

you couldn’t even recognize yourself anymore. the mirror behind heeseung casting your reflection that was slightly obstructed by his broad shoulders. 

your skin was dull and sunken in areas that casted a large shadow. your eyes didn’t sparkle the way they used to and it felt like you were withering away. like your body was showing you the consequences of your actions by turning you into someone you didn’t recognize. 

maybe that was why heeseung was with another girl. 

you weren’t as beautiful as you were the day he first laid eyes on you. 

heeseung was in the middle of ranting and letting his frustration out but you had long drowned him out. your reflection in the mirror garnering all of your attention and before you could let that unsettling feeling sink into your chest, you turn on your feet and exit the bathroom, leaving heeseung stunned by your actions. alone in that bathroom that was starting to suffocate you. 

you ran out of the house before heeseung could follow you, not wanting to give him a chance to catch up, so you push through the endless crowds of people who know nothing of the chaos brewing inside of you. 

the night was still when you stepped outside, like all of the events happening in this tiny house was suddenly gone and it was just you and the dark of night. 

the walk home was long but you weren’t completely alone. 

you had your thoughts to accompany you. your thoughts that continued to spin like a spindle and weave your thoughts into something destructive. spiraling your mind with each step you took that brought you further from heeseung and closer to the comfort of your bed. 

maybe you deserved this. you knew all too well all of the sinful things that you’ve committed since meeting heeseung and he only encouraged them. it was ironic that the two of you first met at church and you hadn’t even attended sunday mass for the last month or so. it was like you were losing track of time and had to rely on heeseung solely to guide you through this land. 

but here you were now, walking through the streets at night, like a mindless zombie yet you were so absorbed with the countless things swimming in your brain. several thoughts overlapping with one another, anxiety guiding the thoughts to the front of your head and dread holding them firm. 

the black ink of the ivory pages told you of this. 

that temptation and desire worked hand in hand in corrupting the least suspecting people. 

heeseung came to you in a time of your life where you had nothing. your life wasn’t bad nor was it good, you were merely just living to live and it showed in your everyday routine. heeseung came to you as something you didn’t know you even desired to have. 

you didn’t realize you were crying until a gust of wind blew past you and you felt the chilling sensation of moisture on your cheeks. you wipe your tears away with a sniffle and see the back of your hand was now covered in runny mascara. 

was it always going to be like this with heeseung? 

you were exhausted and you didn’t know if you could get through it. heaven was so close when you were with heeseung but hell was always in the shadows. he knew how to bring the best things in life to you but it was like he knew how to break you just as well. 

the more you realized you didn’t recognize yourself anymore, the more apparent it became that all of these unfamiliar things were laced with heeseung’s temptation and desire for you. he introduced you to your first taste of temptation when he reached his hand out for yours and promised that what he had planned for you would be something you’d grow addicted to. 

heeseung was your temptation and your desire was infecting your mind and soul. 

you had been walking for so long yet home still feels so far away. as you pass a small field, a singular tree at the center of the field calls out to you, like a siren’s melody luring in a fisherman. you find yourself resting at the tree, a sense of deja vu washing over you when you feel the jagged exterior of the tree’s bark. 

when your head falls back onto the wood, an apple falls into your lap, slightly startling you. 

you look at the apple with confusion as it lays in your hands, turning it over and dropping it with a gasp when you see the underside of the apple has begun to rot. a caterpillar burrowing through the apple and taking it all for itself. the caterpillars' desires are tempted by the sweet and addictive taste of the apple. 

a low hissing noise circles you, unsure of where the noise is coming from, you try your best to find where it’s coming from but with the current state of your body and mind paired with the darkness of night makes it difficult to see anything that wasn’t right in front of you. 

in the shadows, not too far away– a green snake stalks your body. eyes red and fiery with dark elliptical pupils down the center. waiting for the right time to mark you as his. 

ᡣ•.•𐭩♡ @pagemiah @jiiyen @jnysaln @xh01bri @rairaiblog @laurradoesloveu @manaah02 @zorange13 @firstclassjaylee @kristynaaah @17ericas @heeseung64 @leipforggy @enhastolemyheart @starcandybby @bussolares @lovelymelon

copyright 2025 - present © hoonieyun all rights reserved all writing here is fiction & not in any association with characters mentioned. if you enjoyed reading this please consider reblogging and following <3

[motherlvr]

just friends?

she fell first, he fell harder

wc: 2.2k

pairing: Earth-42! Miles Morales x f! reader

Summary: In the early years of your adolescence, you made the grave mistake of asking Miles to ‘practice kissing’ for future suitors. That mistake would come back to bite you every following day.

Warnings: cursing, childhood friends to lovers, friends that kiss, jealousy, started off the fic with a bang cuz i dont believe in small talk, possessiveness

A/N: what happened to hello? what happened to how are you?

----------

Your current predicament was straddling Miles' lap as you both kissed like this would be the last time you ever did. His hands grabbed onto your thighs that encased his legs. Pulling away for a second, you watched as a small string of saliva binds both of your lips.

Looking down at him, you asked out of breath, "We're still just friends, right?" The question caught him off guard. But he responds with a teasing smirk, "Yeah, yeah ma. Just friends." You nervously bit your bottom lip, nodding at his response. Wrapping your hands onto his braids, you smashed your lips against his yet again to ignore your conflicted thoughts.

It's times like this when your past mistake comes back to haunt you. And he made sure you never lived it down. The mistake in question was made on the playground with Miles when you were both ten. Being the young and innocent child you were, you proposed to 'practice kissing' for potential lovers in the future. As all kids do. He accepted and it all sprouted from there. You were each other's first kiss.

That first kiss was only one of many to come. You both had urges, after all. Since your younger days, it turned into something a bit more than just practice. But you never gave it a second thought. Until of late. What used to be a silly playground crush on Miles only grew stronger as the years passed by.

In all honesty, you had no clue where you stood with Miles. What were you, friends that kiss periodically? That was how it was, you suppose. But what you did know was that you'd stay by his side no matter the circumstance. Even if it meant that your friendship would never develop into more. Although occasionally you wished you never initiated to 'practice kissing' with him in your naive and prepubescent years. That would solve your problem at its roots and prevent the rapidly growing feelings you had for him. It was no doubt a mistake in your mind.

Separating your lips for a second time, you pulled away again. He stared at you in confusion. You looked frantic, "Shit, what time is it?" Glancing at the time on your phone, you cursed. It was 3:30 pm. "Fuck, I have a date at four o'clock. I gotta go, Miles." You jumped off of Miles' lap on his bed and swiftly started packing up your things.

Miles felt jealousy start to boil within his stomach as his lap felt empty. He was right here, why would you need to go on a date with some other guy? Furrowing his brows, he irritably questioned, "Fuck you mean you gotta date? With who?" He tried to conceal his annoyance but failed miserably.

"Some guy from my physics class asked me out, sorry but I gotta go." Grabbing your bag, you pecked his cheek lightly as a goodbye. Glancing in his mirror one last time, you tamed any stray strands of hair.

Your response only fueled his jealousy, "Do you even know his name?" He started interrogating you.

"Of course I do, it's..." You paused for a second to think, and your conclusion was unclear. Your mind was foggy. "I think it's Javi? Or maybe Jake? Jacob? Shit, I think you kissed the thoughts right out of my brain." You rambled. Your words made him crack a slight smirk, and he said, "Nah, you ain't going on that date ma." pulling you back into his hold by your hips.

"I can't just stand him up, Miles." You told him, starting to regret agreeing on going on the date. "I could take you on a better date than he can, mami." He suggested.

He was full of surprises this afternoon. Usually, he didn't display such possessiveness. You didn't even like the supposed guy you were going on a date with. You just thought he could help you get your mind off of Miles for a few minutes.

Raising an eyebrow, you asked, "Is that an offer?" "It's a promise." He responded without an ounce of hesitation. The way he was staring at you almost made you take him up on it. "Tempting, but I'll have to take a rain check. See you tomorrow. Alright, Miles?" You waved goodbye and walked out his door.

"'Ight, ma. See you." He gave up. As he watched you walk out the door of his room, he groaned in frustration.

The unfortunate recipient of his frustrations was a punching bag in his Uncle Aaron's apartment. Striking the bag with all the force he could muster, the punching bag rumbled on the chain it was strung upon. His knuckles were slowly getting bloodier with each hit, but he couldn't feel it. He could only feel you. It was the only thing he wanted to feel, anyway.

His Uncle inevitably noticed his behavior. Cleaning off one last knife, he set it down and walked towards his nephew. He held the punching bag steady and questioned him, "What's up with you, man?"

Continuing to throw punches at the unsuspecting punching bag, he responded sharply. "It's nothin'. Just my girl going on a date with some other guy." His nostrils flared slightly.

With those two sentences, his Uncle understood his sour mood. "That doesn't sound like nothing. And you just let her? I don't think you're my nephew, man." Shrugging, Miles took a quick water break. Taking a long swig of water, he replied, "You know her, she's stubborn." He had introduced you to his Uncle a while back. His whole family knew you, in fact. Every time he went back home, his mother asked about you. How you are, and when he’s going to tell you how he feels. It seemed everyone knew. Except you.

"Hey. If you want this girl, you gotta show her before someone else does." His Uncle wisely told him. Miles stopped hitting the punching bag and started wrapping his bloodied knuckles in bandages.

Those words stuck with Miles for the rest of the night as he made his way back to his dorm.

Laying on the bed of his dorm, Miles stayed up thinking about what his Uncle told him. His dorm felt empty without you there, he realized.

The next afternoon in his dorm again, you laid on your stomach on his bed, kicking your feet in the air. You frequented his dorm so often that you were more of a roommate to him than his actual one. Glancing at Miles, you noticed the bandages on his knuckles. “Ay, Miles. What happened?” You asked him, taking his hand into yours to inspect it. He disregarded it, "Don’t worry 'bout it.” He continued, addressing the elephant in the room. “How was your date with Javi, Jake, or Jacob?"

You casually respond, "Actually, his name was Jason. And it was fine, I suppose. Although I called him by the wrong name a few times until he corrected me." You mumbled the last part, embarrassed. Not to mention, you almost called him by Miles' name. Not just once but multiple times.

"Just fine, huh?" He replied, intrigued. And slightly satisfied that you didn't have too good of a time.

"Yeah. I mean, he tried kissing me by the end. But his breath reeked of garlic, so I looked the other way and pretended I didn't notice." You said with a grimace, pretending to get flashbacks. In reality, Miles ruined kissing for you. You couldn't stop seeing Miles' face as your date was leaning into you. He wasn't him.

Stifling a laugh, he grinned at you. "So, that mean you wanna take me up on my offer?" You whipped your head to him in surprise as you said, "You were serious about that? I mean, I'm down." Friends go on dates, don't they? You thought to yourself.

Nodding his head, he said, "I made a promise, ma." He started to stand up, gently grabbing your hand to pull you up with him. Locking your hand onto his arm, he led you out of campus.

Miles brought you to an endearing cafe only a few blocks away from the campus. A diamond in the rough, you thought. As you both sat down across from each other, you felt your nerves spiking.

Truth be told, he still made you nervous at times. Although you've undoubtedly been friends with him for longer than either of you could remember. The both of you ordered food and you started to speak, "So, you take all your girls here, Miles?" Putting on a calm facade, you teased him. You were glad he couldn't see your leg bouncing with anxiousness underneath the table.

He let out a slight puff at you, "What girls? Solo eres tú, mami. You know that." Your heart fluttered slightly at his words. Widening your eyes, you murmured, "I didn't know that, actually." You cleared your throat and enunciated, "How'd you find out about this place then?" Your voice piqued with interest. You didn't believe he would frequent this cute cafe in his spare time. It wasn't exactly his scene, so to say.

"This is where my dad took my ma on their first date." He said with an unusually soft tone, staring into your eyes for your reaction. You would never guess it, but he saw a future with you. Ever since that day on the playground, he knew it was real. His affection for you never dimmed since then.

As you both locked eyes, you realized then that he took you to a place that was sentimental to him and his family. This cafe was where his parent’s story first started. All of a sudden, this date felt a bit more serious than he had originally let on.

Under his stare, you felt your face go warm, "That's beautiful, Miles." After a few moments, you continued, "I suddenly feel like I'm intruding, though." His response came quick, "Never, mami. What makes you say that?" You confessed the thoughts that swarmed your brain right when you walked into the cafe, "I mean, this place feels a bit intimate for people that are 'just friends'" You said with air quotations.

"I think we're past that stage. Don't you, princesa?" You nodded at him. He was right, you thought. After all, friends don't usually have an oral fixation for their friend's mouth.

Your orders came at the same time. You both comfortably conversed. It was a nice change of pace after your date from yesterday. After you both ate your orders and paid, Miles and you walked down the street with his fingers settling on your waist. You spoke up, "Thanks for bringing me here today, Miles. I had a good time with you." You wanted nothing more than to reach up and kiss him til he couldn't breathe, but resisted.

"Anytime. If it meant you'd stop going on dates with other guys." He said casually, but his grip firmed on your waist. Your head turned to him at his words. After your date with Miles, you were sure he ruined dates for you as well. Just like he ruined your ability to kiss anyone else. "Yeah, I'm not even sure I'll want to go on a date with anyone else after this." You said under your breath. He silently grinned.

As you both made your way back to Miles' dorm, the urge to brush your lips against his only became stronger. You could tell he felt it, too. You noticed how he walked a bit faster to go back to his dorm.

Once the door to his room opened, you gave in to your desires and pulled him in by his hoodie to connect your lips. He backed you against his door as his hands traveled all over your body like it was a new territory he was unfamiliar with. He couldn't get enough of you. Groaning into your mouth, he deepened the kiss impossibly more. You both parted for a moment to get a quick breath of air.

Staring into his eyes, you told him before you lost the courage, "I don't want to be just friends. Friends that kiss sometimes when they feel like it." He looked at you like you just told him he won the lottery. In his eyes, this scenario was better than winning the lottery. He grinned as he kissed you again. Full of heat, his kiss spoke louder than words. "Then why don't we be lovers that kiss?” He pulled away to whisper against your lips. “Yeah, I think I like that idea.” You smiled against his lips.

That kiss from yesterday would be the last kiss you shared. As friends, that is. And this would be your first kiss as lovers. From the very first chapter of your life, he was there. And to the present-day chapter of your life, he's still here with you. In the end, It'll always be him and you.

------------

solo eres tú - it’s only you

princesa - princess

[skxllz]

Hi! IDK IF YOUR TAKING REQUESTS BUT IM GONNA SEND ONE ANYWAY AND YOU DONT HAVE TO DO IT IF YOU ARENT TAKING REQUESTS

Can you do Lucifer, Alastor and whoever else you wanna add with a reader who just swallows/eats anything/weird things?

A piece of tissue? Sure! Plastic? Yippee! A pebble? Why not! Keys? Yummy! A rubber duck? Quack quack! A piece of Alastors cane? Don’t kill me!!

I'm not currently taking requests but I'll do this for you hon <3 I apologize if it doesn't live up to your expectations!

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

𝐥𝐮𝐜𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐫, 𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 & 𝐯𝐨𝐱 𝐟𝐭...

𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬

🐤 - 𝚕𝚞𝚌𝚒𝚏𝚎𝚛

➳ when you two first started dating - scratch that, first started talking, he picked up on the fact that you had random quirks. bored? you'd make random noises. sometimes, you'd lay on the floor just to lay there. for no reason, you'd hang upside down on the couches in the foyer. —he once questioned you and you said, I quote, “ I want to feel the blood rush to my head, it's fun. ”— to say the least, you puzzled him, but he brushed it off because who wasn't an oddball in hell?

➳ now, when you actually started dating and you got more comfortable is when he noticed some of his rubber ducks missing - and not just the ducks, but rather some of the things he used on them as well. glue, for example.

➳ “ hey, um, sweetie? ” he approached you one day, quite confused from where his things were suddenly disappearing to. you hummed in reply, looking up from your phone. lucifer blinked at you slowly, trying to come up with a way to word his sentence without seeming like he was accusing you of anything. “ have you seen my glue? the kind I use for- ” — “ no. ” you had answered too quickly for his liking.

➳ as the days carried on, more of his shit would vanish. it got to the point where it'd frustrate him. it wasn't until one day, where his latest creation knocked off of his desk and rolled under it, did he find one of the ducks he had been looking for. except... it had a bite mark taken out of it...

➳ lucifer was dubbed shocked. his eyes widened, lips pulled down in a duck-lipped press. what in the seven rings of hell? he's never seen anything like this, and he doesn't own a hell hound, so who-

➳ and then his mind drifted to you.

➳ he recalled your weird behaviour; the way you were sweating nervously and avoiding eye contact. he should've known you had something to do with it.

➳ but to eat his rubber ducks? he's going to have a serious talk with you about your diet.

+++

📻 - 𝚊𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛

➳ this radio demon didn't really show interest in you at first. you seemed innocent - too innocent, but still innocent, and that just didn't catch his attention in the slightest. if anything, you seemed bothersome.

➳ I'd like to think he first took interest in you when vaggie found a corner of the end of her spear broken off. no one dared touched it before, and you were new to the hotel - it didn't take a genius to put two and two together. but I guess, in a sense, no one else suspected you since you never bothered anything else.

➳ one night, when almost everyone was asleep, you snuck off to the kitchen to find something to eat. you were starving since you hadn't had dinner and couldn't really bother to just fall asleep on an empty stomach. a certain radio demon had followed you, startling you out of your wits as you turned around only to spot him there. “ funny to see you awake, dear! ”

➳ you explained to him, nervously, that you couldn't sleep. he hummed, pretending to show he was listening, before skipping right to the point of why exactly he was there. “ I couldn't help but realize that, earlier today when our dearest vaggie was rather upset, you hadn't moved an inch from your spot on the sofa. in fact, you seemed almost... ” he paused, pretending to ponder, his smile widening. “ guilty. care to explain the reasoning for that, hm? ”

➳ at that point, you were avoiding eye contact. hands twined behind your back, thumbs twiddling out of anxiousness, you searched for an excuse through your jumbled brain, attempting to think of absolutely anything just to slip away from alastor. but knowing him, he'd probably see right through the charade - he's been around way longer than you, and is a mastermind at getting into people's heads. no doubt he'd figure out you fibbed. — “ I just felt guilty that I couldn't help at all. vaggie is a close friend, I hate to see her upset. ”

➳ instead of buying the lie, like you had predicted, the bob-wearing demon leaned down and gave you a close-lipped grin; half lidded eyes flashing dangerously beneath the light that gleamed from atop the stove. “ or is it because, perhaps, you had something to do with it? ”

➳ that's when you blurted out. “ I ate it. ” and, much too afraid to gouge alastor's reaction, you turned and took off running out of the kitchen.

➳ if you would've stayed, however, you would've seen the way alastor's eyes momentarily widened. he was.. shocked, to say the least. he didn't think he had heard you right at first, but he knew for certain his ears didn't deceive him.

➳ with his narrowed eyes now staring after your figure, he straightened his posture, folding his hands behind his back and humming to himself. “ interesting creature, they are... ”

➳ you have now caught his attention. expect more interactions with the infamous deer!

+++

📺 - 𝚟𝚘𝚡

➳ picture this; you're one of velvette's models. you're dating vox, her business partner. they're both aware of how weird you can be, and yet, they both seem to favorite you - hell, even val (but let's face it, he just wants you for your body, which isn't going to happen).

➳ you're in the middle of getting your hair prepped and straightened when you had the sudden urge to just chew. it always came on randomly, but most of the time when you were bored. sitting in a chair, with sprits blasting into your face and hair utensils tugging in your hair, and hell forbid you weren't allowed to move- it was not exactly fun. so you started to eye the new collection of makeup sponges that were just set upon your personal vanity.

➳ they looked squishy, flimsy, chewable... oh so tempting. so while rachelle, your hairstylist, was busy talking her head off, too busy to notice you stretching your arm forward, you snatched one up.

➳ velvette came strutting down the midst of the aisle with a firm hand on her hip and a ripple in the center of her brow, shouting at many of the other stylists on what to do, what not to do - what looked better on her models, what looked cheap. she could not afford to have her best women looking as if they escaped the hands of a hellhound, it just wouldn't do. but that's when she turned, pointing a demanding finger at rachelle to amp up the heat on your straightener because the ends of your hair were curling up. that's also when she noticed you not only chewing on the newly bought sponge, but eating it.

➳ “ oh for fuck sake! ” the dark-skinned demon spewed, catching your attention and making you freeze. velvette reached an arm forward, only to wrap her digits around what was left of the sponge and rip it from your grasp. your chair turned on cue, showing you sheepishly smiling at the fuming female. “ I told you not to stuff your damn mouth full of random shit! especially my new makeup equipment — ” she turned away, stomping her healed foot to the ground. “ fuck! ”

➳ it wasn't long before vox had arrived before the demoness due to her calling him and shouting profanities over the phone. you were left to sit in the chair, huffing nonsense under your breath, while rachelle finished with your hair in silence.

➳ when the overlord made his presence known, rachelle excused herself — and thankfully she had finished your hair. “ y/n, dear.. ” vox smoothly spoke, for once not sounding like an overly cocky twat. it's usually only in the presence of others, but given that not many people were around, he dialed a softer tone with you.

➳ “ I didn't do anything, ” you rolled your eyes, looking away with a puffed out frown. yes, you were spoiled, but who wouldn't be, dating the owner and inventor of voxtech?

➳ vox sharply looked down at you, eyeing you with a sense of irritance —for angering velvette— but fondness —because you're his—. “ don't be like that. how many times have we talked about eating random things, hm? ”

➳ “ ... about- fifty nine? I lost count. ”

➳ “ around there. ” the tv demon moved, placing his hands on the back of the swivel chair you sat upon, while now holding eye contact with you through the mirror to your vanity. “ and what have we talked about, sweetheart? ”

➳ you were silent at first. staring him down, eyes hooded and ghosted over with annoyance. it was irritating how he was speaking to you like a child. “ well? ” vox impatiently, patiently, questioned; his claws dragging along the back of the chair, only to glide over your nape. closing your eyes out of bliss from the movement, you sighed. “ don't eat random things because they're bad for me... ”

➳ “ exactly. ” vox mischievously smiled down to you, squeezing the back of your neck gently. “ now, don't you think you owe velvette an apology? ”

➳ as you nod your head, vox releases his grip on you, letting your hair fall back down against your skin. “ good. come now, we have to get that out of the way; I have things to discuss with you. ”

➳ your discussion ended pretty well :).

[inej-ruination-ghafa]

PICK AND CHOOSE - l.c

Warnings: skin picking

Summary: the one where Luke and you finally discuss whatever is going on in the relationship

Wordcount: 2.4k

You sat down on his bed, the Hermes cabin empty because they were working on a prank against the Athena cabin with the Hephaestus boys.

You had called for this conversation with Luke, both of you putting it off because what was there really to say. This was it now and your heart was speeding up at a record time and you were worried it was going to beat so fast it would fly out of your chest.

“Everything alright?”

“Yeah, just-” you looked down at your hands, fingers picking at the skin by your fingernails, “-I dunno, just feeling a little insecure,”

You could feel the shame wash over you at the words because there is no need whatsoever for you to feel that way.

well there is.

At least that’s what you tell yourself as you continue to stare at your skin, hoping that the insecurity will go away with every tug of the hangnails at your fingers.

Maybe it was the fact that he had been paying you no attention since that night or maybe it was the way that you couldn’t stand the thought of other girls looking at him the way that they do, eyes roaming over his body. God, you should be the only one allowed to look at him like that.

You didn't know how long you had been silent for before he reached down and grabbed your hand, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Insecure?”

You scoffed at his words. This was not how this should go. You were supposed to be okay with casual, that’s what the two of you had discussed.

Insecure. The word made you feel sick to your stomach because it was such a petty feeling, like envy and jealousy. It came out of nowhere and sometimes just surprised you but you had been feeling it all your life.

It had been a rough day anyway but the way he said the words made it even worse. It felt like he was taunting you.

You pulled your hand away and placed it back in your lap, only just noticing the skin bleeding at your fingernails.

“It’s silly, I know-“ you started to say and he cut you off.

“It’s not silly,” he reassured, “Everyone gets insecure,”

You shook your head, “This-” you gestured between the two of you, “-us,” just saying the word made your face heat with embarrassment because what us was there.

It felt wrong, like two little kids playing dress up at having feelings. Luke was the first guy you had ever thought about in this way and here you were making a fool of yourself in front of him.

“I dont mean to be-” the words couldnt come. This was one of those emotions that you could never quite phrase and no matter what word you used, it always came out wrong, “-needy?”

Luke could sense your uncertainty about it all and he just watched you intently, those eyes that you could stare in for hours now only gave you one look. Pity.

You had to fight back the words that were trying to claw out of your throat. You wanted to yell and scream and tell him how pathetic that look made you feel, like you were some rescue puppy he had found on the streets and taught new tricks. He was your first: first kiss, first makeout, first…

Images flashed in your mind of him laying in your empty cabin, shirtless, you on top of him, hands pressed against his chest. Then you were lying there next to him in his bed, head laying against his chest as he explained the book he was reading to you. Those moments felt so far away as you looked into his eyes.

“You’re not being needy,”

this time you did scoff, “You know that thing babies get when they play peek-a-boo? Object permanence? I feel like I have that with people. Like if you’re not in the room then you must hate me and this paranoia has followed me round my whole life. Gods, sometimes, dont you just think that everyone hates you and that they’re faking being friends with you?”

The words stumbled off of your tongue before you could stop them and by then you had blurted it all out, chest heaving at the end as you realised how vulnerable you had just been in front of him.

You didn’t even look up from your hands as you waited to hear his response. He was going to hate this and you knew it.

Luke was so calm all the time, holding his composure about this. He barely even mentioned whatever was going on between you when you were with the other campers. It was like you didn’t even exist.

You couldn’t quite but your finger on how long you had been sitting on that feeling but maybe it had been there since the moment you first kissed in your cabin after the bonfire, his lips tasting like the moonshine the Dionysus kids brewed and his hand pressed firmly against your back.

You finally looked up at him, eyes meeting yours. When you would stand up, there was a significant height difference but here, sitting down, you were on even playing ground.

“We can stop,”

those words made your heart sink, stomach twisting into knots at the idea. How could you go back to the way things were before when he had been looking at you like that? When you knew what he sounded like in bed, breathy words whispered into your ear?

“That’s not why I came here,” you stated, eyebrows furrowed as you tried to put into words the way you felt.

There were no words and there never would be. How could you ever express all of the love and care that you have for him without seeming obsessed after two makeout sessions. This was supposed to be casual.

You had promised him no feelings from either of you and yet here you were less than two weeks later, heart so full to the brim with him that any pain he felt, you felt tenfold.

“Then why did you?” He asked so nonchalantly and you could feel the tears burning at the back of your eyes.

Shaking your head, you looked back at your blood stained fingernails, “I shouldn’t have,”

His eyes trailed down to your hands. You both shared the same bad habit, biting at your fingernails. His were painful, bitten to the halfway point and scared yet yours were healed, nice paint always draped on top to hide the peeling of your skin - your next victim.

Luke grabbed onto your hands to stop you from the compulsion and you felt forced to look into his eyes, “I don’t want to stop either,”

They were the words that you wanted to feel so why did they make your heart sink even lower into your chest?

“I-” the words were caught in your throat. Keep your composure. Thats what you kept repeating to yourself as you felt the tears brimming on your waterline. Crying in front of him was not on the agenda today.

Casual. Most boys dream and most girls nightmare. You should be okay with all that you could get from him, a kiss here and there but maybe that was making these feelings worse.

Maybe it was the way that he wouldn’t act like he wanted you on some nights, barely even acknowledging that you are there, his conversation focused on some other camper as you stood by the sidelines waiting like an idiot.

Maybe it was the way he talked to other girls, their eyes trailing over his shoulders and arms like he was on the market, hand on his shoulder as they laughed at one of his shitty jokes.

Maybe it was the way that you wanted him to wrap his arm around your waist and pull you close, to kiss you when the other head of cabins were looking, to want to make out with you when he was sober as well as drunk.

“I like you,” you blurted the words out.

He chuckled, “I like you too, is that not obvious,”

You shook your head with disdain at his comment. This was not time for silly jokes.

“No. I really like you and I dont want you to kiss other girls,”

his brow furrowed and he shook his head quickly, “Who said I want to kiss other girls?” He questioned.

You shrugged, a sheepishness coming over you at your admissions, “Beckendorf,” you stated, “He said he wanted to wingman you,”

”Did I say I wanted Beckendorf to wingman me?”

“No, but-“ you furrowed your brow and he just looked at your confusion.

“I like you a lot,” he promised but the words seemed to melt off of your skin like they meant nothing, “I do not want other girls, it’s just-“

You cut him off before he could finish his sentence. “You want to be single but have me on the side, just in case you get bored?”

He could hear the spitefulness in your words, the anger in your tone and he wondered how long this had been building up in your chest for, how long you had been wanting to say this to him.

“That is not what you are to me,” he reassured but the words didn’t help.

Scoffing, you pulled your hands away, “Then why don’t you want to kiss me? Why do I have to make the effort all the time?”

He tilted his head to the side and looked at you, watching as a tear slipped over your waterline. You cursed yourself as he leaned forward and wiped the tear away with the pad of his finger. He hated to see you like this, so much self loathing inside of you.

“I’m nervous,”

Now that was a ridiculous statement, “You? Nervous,” you shook your head at the woods because there was no way that they could ever be true, “You are like the coolest person I know, why would you get nervous?”

You watched as a blush crept up to his cheeks, “Because you’re the coolest person I know,”

your eyes widened at his admission and you wondered if he meant it.

“I worry that we are going to screw up our friendship by doing this, that I am no going to be a good boyfriend for you. I cannot lose you,” he admitted and you just sat there for a moment, staring at him.

“I think i just did, screw it up I mean,”

He shook his head, “You? Never,” he promised, hand coming down to rest on your knee which you only just noticed was bouncing up and down in your nervous state, “I care about you so much,”

”Then show it,”

“The other campers-” he started to say and you sighed. Great. Another excuse why you were not going to be working out.

“Ignore them, let’s be us,” you were practically begging at this point because you knew he could call this arrangement off any second and you would be left drowning in all the affection you never got to show him.

“I don’t want them to know, they will get involved and ruin this,” he was right and you hated that.

“I want you to want me,” the words tumbled from your mouth easier than you expected them to, “I want to be at the bonfires and you dance with me and talk to me and it sounds so needy,”

“It’s not needy,”

”It is!” You exclaimed.

The room went silent and you were left staring at one another, listening to the creeking of the walls in the wind and the rustling of the grass, “It is,” you repeated, a little bit quieter.

”I can’t do casual,”

He nodded, understanding the complexity of it all, “I can’t do a relationship,”

A sob was caught in your throat as you heard those words, they were the last thing that you wanted to hear and he knew that, watching as your face contort at his statement, lip trembling as you tried to stop the tears from overflowing.

“Okay,”

He tilted his head to the side, “Okay?”

You just shrugged because what was there left to do. There was no way that you were going to be able to convince him that you were worth it, that you were worthy of being his girlfriend if he didn’t want to be convinced.

“You’re an idiot,” he stated and you turned to look at him with a face that read shock horror.

“Excuse me?”

He could see all the hurt and anger bubbling up inside of you, brows pulling together and nose scrunching up just like it always did before a fight. He knew you too well.

“I would try. For you,” he stated and there it was again, the flip of emotion on your face to one of confusion, your lip pulling up in confusion, brows still furrowed but softening to complexity, “I want you in my life and more than a friend,”

You shook your head because this was all so wrong. You stood up, head spinning. This was not the way that this was supposed to go. This was going to be you breaking this thing off with him and yet here you were potentially entering into a relationship.

He followed after you before you could reach the cabin door, hand sneaking around your waist to pull you closer to him, “Say yes,”

“Luke,” a hand came out, balancing against his chest.

“Say yes,” he repeated, nose nuzzling against your throat. You knew this was wrong but Gods, it felt so right.

“Luke,”

He hummed in response, looking up at you with those big brown eyes that you had come to love over the years.

”Say yes,” he hoped one more time would do the trick.

You nodded your head, leaning down to feel his breath against your lips, “Okay,” you nudged your nose against his, “Okay,”

“Be my girlfriend?” The words seemed so natural on his tongue and you couldn’t fight the warm feeling in your chest at being addressed in that way.

You kissed him then and there. There still were not enough words to explain this feeling but as you kissed against the door in the Hermes cabin, you knew you were going to regret this moment in the long run.

But right now, there was no regret.

A/N sorry for the lack of posts, I've been at uni for a while but I'm feeling the inspiration. This is good for you guys and bad for me because this is the most autobiographical fanfic I've written in a while so enjoy as my love life plummets to hell

[jacaerysgf]

Flowers | The Series | Chapter 17 | Surprise!

Summary: You receive even more unexpected visitors and receive some upsetting news that you are not looking forward to.

Jacaerys Velaryon x Dunn!Reader

a.n: GOD SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT !!! i really appreciate all the comments and promise to get around to responding to any ive missed !! hoping to have this story done by the end of the month <3 im already working on the next one as i write so dont worry about another long wait i swear.

series masterlist

taglist ! (open)

@newestobsessionishere @alexa554 @th3b4tm4n @hazzapotter @claire-loves-music @tssf-imagines @melsunshine @majoso12 @brain-empty-only-draken @urmomsgirlfriend1 @emmalvei-blog

You had thought that would be the most exciting thing to happen, Joffrey would stay for awhile before he returned to his duties in the eyrie and then everything would go back to the sort of normalcy you had before.

Yet your parents received a raven that had your stomach turning inside out. “We are to go to the Highgarden's to welcome prince Jacaerys and his soon to be wife lady Cassandra Baratheon for their engagement tour, Highgarden is apparently the first stop.” Your father ripped the letter for your mothers hands and skimmed it over himself, “They are asking all the families to arrive and bring an engagement gift? this is ridiculous!” Dorothy, the head maid of the house scoff as she placed a plate of food on the table. “The nerve of them.”

You have lost all your appetite.

you measly push around the food on your plate while everyone around you erupts into boisterous chatter. "after that man publicly humiliated my daughter? they dare ask this of us? the nerve!" "maybe she could fake illness and wont have to attend the festivities?" "i can already see their snug faces as they look upon her ugh i refuse to attend such an ordeal."

When your hands slam on the table all chatter seizes and all eyes turn to you where you keep your head down towards the table. wordlessly you walk out the hall and the others in the room look at each other concerned.

you find yourself mindlessly walking through the fields as you attempt to catch your breath. it is fine. you were simply not chosen that is all. and now he wants you to attend his stupid engagement tour? for an engagement to a women that is not you? you fall on your back and stare at the sky in disbelief. this was ridiculous almost outright shameless to point you cannot believe it was his idea. Cassandra never did like you maybe this was her way of trying to stick it to you and laugh in your face.

your face grows sour at the idea of having to watch her snarkily brag with jacaerys on her arm you were going to be sick.

You had thought you were finally making progress moving pass your feelings for the prince but if anything they have only gotten worse. you think of him far too often these days especially with joffrey and trisk here. a part of you wonder if he thinks of you too. its a foolish thought, he had made his choice and there was nothing else to do but to live with it and move on.

You close your eyes and fall into a light sleep unable to continue thinking in reality and far more interested in living in dream land where he laid with you as well. hes there waiting for you, the familiar flower fields of your homeland being a comforting sight and with him sitting there you fell all the more better. He strokes your cheek gently when you open your eyes to greet him, a comforting smile on his face. “my love.” your eyes fall closed as you grab his hand and press it closer to your skin. “wont you look at me?”

Harshly you shake your head, though the limbo you meet him in is merely a dream the pain of reality still stings at your skin. “you will not even allow me to hear your voice my love?” you squeeze your eyes shut as he caresses your face. “it hurts.” his other hand comes up and plays with your hair, “its alright my love just look at me.” you fight with yourself for a few moments before your eyes flutter open and your heart aches. He looks as beautiful as ever, smiling down at you with moon crested eyes.

“there you are.” you hate the way a smile creeps up on your face and you especially hate the way his grin grows at that. “i hate to see you so upset.” this has you huffing and you try to sit uo but he keeps you firmly in his lap. “you have no right to say that to me.” his face falls and he cups your cheek as you turn your head away from him. “im sorry.” “then why did you do it?” your fictional prince has no response and thats because you have no clue as well.

as if he is a brush of air he disappears as you willed him to and sit up with your head in your hands. he had basically told you he wanted to marry you, scared off any other suitors you could have had gods you were even in a courtship before he wormed his way in and for what? nothing.

You force your eyes open and suddenly you are right back to reality where you huff as you shakily stand taking a deep breath as you realize the sun is much higher in the sky. how long had you been out here? you decide you should head inside before you freeze at the silence around you.

the fields especially this time of year are bursting with people tending to the flowers for the seasons prep but you can’t see a single soul out there. You wonder where everyone could have gone, maybe you are still dreaming. you walk back towards the castle once taking one last final look around before heading inside and you pause.

now you know this must be a dream because why would three dragons be sitting on one of the empty fields not too far from your home. you must be seeing things.

Yet when you walk into the hall you quickly realize you are not making things up or seeing things as when you pinch your arm the group of three stands before you and you feel your stomach plummet. “just the lady we wished to see.”

you find yourself bowing as your mind races trying to understand what was going on, “my princes, princess.” “just the lady i was looking to see!” “you honor me my prince.” lucerys eagerly walks over to you and grips your hands in his. “i have missed you. things ive been grim without you.” Despite how confused you are by his presence or even his words you force out a smile, “You honor me.”

You have no clue what else to say or what else to do. Every single pair of eyes in the room are looking upon you and you look down at your hands as you mind tries to make sense of this mess. thankfully aemond grips lucerys back and tugs him away from you. “he is as eager as always do not mind him lady dunn.” You’re more than thankful for the saving, you weakly grin at him as you still try to make sense that members of the royal family now stand in your familys main hall.

your eyes drift towards your parents who seem just as bewildered and lost as you are. You use the opportunity of lucerys and aemond bickering with one another to slip around them to go stand next to your parents who urge you next to them. “what is happening?” Your mother tilts her head down towards your ear and your eyes widen in horror at her words.

—

jacaerys realizes his life ie much quieter today. As he roams around the halls he feels as though he is missing something but he has no clue what. He’s done all his studying, hes sat through the unbearable meeting with cassandra and his mother about the wedding preparations, he did his afternoon training what was missing?

He tried not to think about most things these days. Simply allowing life to pass around him while he keeps a mundane routine but today was truly throwing him off. When he walks into one of the common rooms he stops before cassandra and aegon who seem to be chatting about something at the table but the two stop when jacaery approaches, cassandra even looks embarrassed that jace had walked in on them but he does not acknowledge it. “my sweet nephew! finally done being broody today?”

He rolls his eyes, why does he even bother but as he turns to walk away he freezes and turns back around. “Where is everyone else?” Normally the rest of his siblings and lucerys would all be sitting around with him but only cassandra is there awkward sipping at her chalice full of what he only hopes to be tea.

Aegons grin turns sinister and jacaerys feels a pit of dread grow in his stomach. “oh did you not hear? they left to the reach just this morning. you know, for your tour.” Jacaerys stares in confusion as aegon takes a happy chug from his wine. “the engagement tour.” “i know the tour you speak of.” Aegons chuckles fill the room as cassandra looks back and forth between the two men. “why ever would they leave now? the tyrells are no where near ready to host.”

“oh no. theyre not staying with the tyrells.” jacaerys head turns in confusion while aegon only seems to be happier the more and more this conversation goes on. “did they not tell you? the dunn’s will be hosting them for our stay in the reach. Theyve gone to go hang out with our good friend lady y/n.”

Aegon cannot stop the roar of laughter that bubbles up in his throat at his own words and he folds over in his own fit of laughter. Cassandra looks bewildered by this news and sits up straight. “house dunn? truly? i thought flower hall was a rather, small place.”

Her real feelings about the matter and the state of house dunn and its hall very clear in her expression and tone. She looks over at jacaerys too worried about his reaction to only see a blank look on his face as he looks upon the two of them. Jacaerys rapidly blinks for a moment before he slowly opens his mouth. “how pleasant.” after which he spins on his heel and walks out the room swiftly.

Aegon pouts as he watches jacaerys leave, clearly he had been hoping for a better reaction out of the crowned prince. aegon however turns back towards cassandra with a smirk. “bah who cares about all that though right? lets go back to what we were talking about.” A blush creeps up on her face as aegon leans towards her the conversation they had just had with jacaerys already gone from her mind.

[tiiernosdesvelos]

GO FOR IT, FUSHIGURO ! +_+

1097 words 𓆏 gn! reader fluff, cursing, no use of capital letters.

megumi had a big fat crush for you. and the idiot didn't even notice until nobara pointed it out.

''i don't know...'' fushiguro mumbled as sank into the couch ''everytime I see them i feel...nauseous, as if there's something on my stomach'' he closed his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest ''those are called butterflies, you dumbass'' kugisaki's voice rang from the kitchen, as she finished cooking her breakfast ''hey!'' megumi frowned ''those cannot be butterflies, y/n is my friend'' he protested against nobara's teasing before quickly being cut off by her, yet again 'yeah, a friend you have a big fat crush on.' she sat on the dining table, in a way she could be seen by megumi and yuji who were on the living room across, as the first cheeks grew crimson.

''i dont wanna agree but, nobara's onto something, actually'' yuji chimed leaning forward on his seat towards fushiguro, who covered his face with one arm, shifting in the sofa ''well, even if i did like them, the fuck would i do about it?'' the black haired one exclaimed in annoyance. he had known you since he entered jujutsu tech, you've always been friends, but lately, something had changed. whenever he saw you he felt a fever incoming, he felt his hands trembling and and something similar to a wave of nausea, what is wrong with you he thought, all of a sudden things were just different around you, or even at the thought of you. he couldn't shake you off his mind, but yet, he did not feel so good around you, physically.

''tell them.'' nobara and itadori chimed in unison. and all of a sudden fushiguro's face flushed hot, quickly sitting up and shaking his hands ''no, no...i cant do that, were just friends and what if...'' he trailed off, his words becoming more of a ramble to himself. because, to be honest, he has thought about telling you, he has thought about it a lot, megumi already had every single scenario meticulously organized from bad to worst in his head, in his mind there's no way you like him.

''oh my god, fushiguro can you shut the fuck up? y/n likes you, i would know.'' nobara argued, taking another bite of her waffles. ''just go for it, fushiguro'' yuji encouraged, standing up next to him, tapping his shoulder ''and if they reject you, we can cry together'' he reassured.

''i won't cry'' megumi rolled his eyes.

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

''how did i agree to this?'' he thought to himself and sighed, bouquet in one hand, chocolates in another. someway, somehow, kugisaki and itadori brought him into this. ''maybe i should just text them, tell them it was nothing...''

the three of them had organized a perfect plan for fushiguro to confess, at the end of the day, you and megumi would meet up in an empty classroom under the excuse of having a plan to prank nobara (she did not agree to that). and as the sun set, he would tell them everything he felt, they even wrote script which took hours to complete since fushiguro wasn't exactly fond off his friends teasing him for his feelings for you. nobara and maki managed to discover your favorite flowers, and itadori interrogated you about the food and specially sweets you liked, saying one day he'll invite you out to eat. the plan was perfect, totally foolproof, except for one detail.

megumi's heart was pounding in his chest, cold sweat down his face, his cheeks kept getting hotter each step he took towards the classroom you two would be meeting in, his mind was going a hundred miles per hour. until he stood in front of that door. he suddenly forgot about everything he was thinking about, his mind going totally blank.

he silently opened the door, and closed it behind him as he made his way over you, holding the flowers and the chocolate box behind his back, quickly going over everything he wanted to tell you. ''y/n'' he said in his usual, stoic tone, giving no signs of nervousness or doubt. you turned around, facing him. good lord. just in that moment, he totally processed why he liked you, the way the sunset hit you skin, your eyes, your hair, it was simply perfect. and the way you spoke to him, always so nice and sweet, can a man ask for more?

''fushiguro!'' you smiled so brightly when you looked at him, there's no question of why he loved you.

he took a deep breath at his own lack of words, flushing at your sight.

''is everything goo-''

''i love you''

''what?'' you softly stuttered

''i always had, i... i planned this for you and...'' he stumbled over his words, forgetting the whole script he had planned and bringing both his hands closed to his chest as he held your flowers and chocolates. ''its not going how i planned to'' he finished, looking at you, almost vulnerable as he poured his heart out.

'' fushi, i...'' you found yourself blushing as you stared at him in surprise

''this is your you'' he extended his arms, offering the gifts, you gladly accepted them

''i thought you were avoiding me.'' you stated taking the gifts with both your hands ''i thought i did something wrong''

he opened his eyes wide, fuck.

he took a deep breath, thinking how he could explain it to you, i love you so much it makes me sick didn't seem like the best option right now.

''i'm an idiot y/n, i'm an idiot that didn't want to accept how much he like you'' he stated, putting his brows together as he leaned in closer to you, the sunset making his eyes shine ''i did avoid you, i didn't know how to...react to my feelings so i...i'm sorry, im stupid'' he shifted his eyes towards the floor, now avoiding your sweet gaze

''i...love you too, idiot'' you said, smiling to yourself, managing to get a gasp out of him. you placed the box and the flowers in a desk, and stepping closer to him, you cupped his face with both of your hands, making him look at you ''you're really stupid, but its a part of why i like you so much'' you laughed, making you touch your foreheads

megumi closed his eyes and took each wrist on his hands lovingly ''are you not mad at me'' he mumbled after some seconds ''i couldn't be'' you answered softly.

''can i be your boyfriend?''

''i would be glad to accept you as my boyfriend''

haaiii:3 this is kinda risky to post since is my first writing post, but fuck it im doing it. also, im sorry if anything i write sounds kinda weird or out of place, english is not my first language and it was just kinda implanted into my brain in 6th grade so i never truly 'learned'.

anyways, i hope you liked it !11!!!1!

-kat / gumi :3

[yunazxxx]

gp daniela x manon 🙏⁉️

pairing ≫ meret manon x daniela avanzini

content warnings ≫ best friends to lovers trope , g!p daniela , unprotected sex , slight getting caught , manon has a situationship but hes hella irrelevant.. , drug usage (marijuana) ,, etc maybe??

word count ≫ 2.7k

author talks ≫ happy new years my lovessss !!! i would love to start off this year strong with this danon fic which i hope you all + my lovely anon here who requested it, will enjoy it. and yeah, enjoy the read !! — ps not very proofread so ntm.. — this has hella fillers that probably arent relevant but i dont care…

—

"he still hasn't responded" the brunette repeated for the sixth time within the last three hours, she was over at daniela's place for the month as they usually would just come live with one another. there were no issues with manon's current living situation, she just wanted to go over dani's for a while.

daniela sighed while she was tying her hair up, "put the phone down girl" and manon looked up at her, "come on, then he'll text once that happens" and daniela just looked at the brunette, "come onnn, at least have some fun."

and manon shut off her phone, putting her hands up, "phone's off" and daniela took her hand, "you won't be needing it today" and she slid the older's phone in her purse. she walked with her out of the room, leaving out to the garage to her car.

daniela had plans set with her friend, they actually had been together for a while but they failed to execute because of manon's boyfriend, or more so situationship/boytoy. daniela really had a distaste for him, he was, really fucking weird.. daniela couldn't figure out why though.

the more time daniela spent with manon and this guy, she began to think that maybe he wasn’t the only problem. this dawned on her when she would see them kiss or be affectionate towards each other, it made her sick to the stomach.

sometimes when she would be drunk at a club, or bar, with manon and the guy she’d be all over manon kissing her, and even when manon would be the one to initiate the kiss, daniela would pull the doler by her waist and grab at her.

it was then and there daniela realized she had feelings for her, but obviously she’d just have to play it off, never knowing how to exactly say it to the brunette.

after daniela started her car, she began blasting a random playlist she had been on for a while, a song coming on called “better than the boys” which she just let it play and acted like it wasn’t there for a obvious reason.

while the pair drove along the highway, daniela was speeding, literally fast enough that it could get her a ticket or in a accident but almost no one was out right now because it was business hours. the pair were making thier wway to this meet up thing that they were invited to an outing with their friend group.

while daniela drove down the empty roads, the windows were down while they blasted music. manon practically hung out the window while they sung along to this song, but as they reached their destination, she went back in.

daniela parked her car and manon got out, daniela sat inside and turned off the car, turning around and seeing her friend making funny faces in the car window. daniela laughed while she opened the door and got out, her and manon walked to the building together.

they walked inside and were imidiately met with their friends hugging them, it had been months since they last met up so finally having this time to just, have a breather out meant the world to them. they were at the mall, pretty much just shopping at random stores and joking with one another, as they usually do.

they went into a jewlery store, since they made customs and daniela and manon wanted to get somethng for one another. the group split into twos, daniela had a few of their friends with her while manon did too.

everyone had their own little job, but soon the girls got distracted and kind of forgot what they were supposed to be doing but daniela and manon were able to make the jewlery they knew the other would like, or more so love.

manon had purchased daniela a necklace with both of their initals and a heart between them, and even had a handwritten note for the blonde, while daniela also made manon a necklace with a special charm and had got her some extra things.

it was a new years tradition for their friend group, it worked like secret santa really, they'd be given paper inside of a box or bowl, even a hat with their names on it, and kinda similar to last year, they got each other.

after the mall trip, they headed to the second oldest in their friend groups house, sophia's. they all gathered in the living room and revealed who they had, they had the most random order, going from first letter in their last names.

daniela walked over to manon, giving her the bag and turning to go sit back in her seat, but manon pulled her shirt and handed her the bag, and winked at her. daniela went to sit, yoonchae stood up giving lara a heavy, ass box, which lara almost dropped.

"what the heck is in here?" lara asked, "oh my god" you could hear someone exclaimed, yoonchae giggled going back to her seat, sophia walked over to megan giving her another heavy ass box — which the ginger just laughed at but setting it on her lap.

lara put the box beside her, standing up and giving three different little boxes to sophia, confusing the black haired woman, and finally megan handed yoonchae a small, box? which she just kept smiling reallly big about.

daniela opened her bag first, seeing the necklace and screaming out of joy, running over to hug the brunette while also prompting her to open hers but manon shook her head, "there's more in yours" and daniela opened it more, and saw the paper, and read it almost tearing up, she looked at manon, "i'm gonna get you later"

making the group burst into laughter, "lets hurry it up we got stuff to do after thiss!!!" sophia yelled, and so all the girls opened their gifts, but yoonchae because megan told her to wait, that very heavy ass box that lara got from yoonchae not only had legos but also other things she wanted and had been talking about for months.

the other gifts were pretty much the same for the other girls, the tiny box yoonchae had still confused her, even asking megan "what could fit in here?" and when she opened it, it was a pair of keys which she just looked at megan, and they went outside together and thats when you could hear yoonchae scream.

the younger girl ran inside of the house, she looked so energetic. megan came back in, laughing her heart out but the two girls soon explained why she was reacting like that, it was pretty much after this were all the girls had a random energy burst and they were all playing around and just enjoying quality time.

daniela and manon broke off from the other girls, going upstairs together because they needed to "refresh" themselves, which was really just code for they needed to smoke. they were inside of sophia's room, and cracked a window, daniela pulled something from her jacket pocket, a blunt, handing it to manon.

since the brunette was sitting closest to the window, she took the first pull of it, daniela just watching her in awe. "why are you looking at me like that?" the brunette asked, "ah, um.. nothing" daniela softly whispered when manon passed her the blunt.

daniela took her pull, but moved closer to manon, grabbing her face and blowing the smoke in her mouth, after doing this daniela pulled her into a kiss, which manon responded to. but this kiss wasn't a small peck, or just a few seconds, the kiss grew deeper overtime and so did the need for each other.

manon broke off the kiss, looking into daniela's hooded eyes, and sheeh chuckeled, "that was crazy" she said before taliking another pull of the blunt, daniela licked her lips, looking at manon. "could we do something more, fun?" manon looked at the blonde, taking another pull of it before putting it out, "what's on your mind?"

daniela smiled before taking manon's hand and tackling her to the bed, she held the older's wrist together, using one of her hands while the other cupped manon's cheek while she kissed her, daniela's knee resting between manon's leg.

daniela's kisses quikly made manon feel enchated, like she was stuck under a spell by her friend. manon whined into the kiss, causing daniela to break it, "ah ah ah, stay quiet" and she kissed down the older's neck.

she left hickeys, even a special heart one where daniela loves to kiss her sometimes. the older woman tried moving her hands but failed, her body reacting to daniela's movements almost like she was perfectly made for daniela's touch.

manon whimpered and whined, almost getting loud enough that could bring someone to the room, which happened. a knock came at the door, since it was locked, "manon? are you okay?" you could hear sophia asking, and daniela didn't stop so manon could reply, she instead kept moving down.

she slowly removed pieces of manon's clothing, "a- yeah, i'm good soph" manon was able to get out before quietly moaning daniea's name, you could slight uncertainty in the black haired woman's voice when she replied, "okay .... uh is dani in there?"

daniela, again didn't reply nor stop, she made her way back up to manon's exposed chest, that's only covered by her bra, and she started back kissing, mumbling against her soft brown skin, "you're so perfect" she trailed her free hand up manon's thigh, caressing her.

"f-fu-ck, y-yeah, she's in here" manon got out between choked moans, "can i come in and grab my phone?" sophia asked and daniela got up, throwing her own hoodie on to hide her already messy hair, grabbing the filipino woman's phone and bringing it to her.

daniela opened the door sightly, only enough space so she could snake her arm out and give her the phone, sophia looked at daniela's eyes and noticed the redness while also smelling the marijuana.

"did you two smoke in my room?? oh my god" sophia asked while looking at daniela, "only a little! don't worry, we got the windo open and we'll spray it so it can go away" and sophia nodded, "come down soon, we'll be at the movies, just text when you're ready."

"mhm, byebye now" daniela said, shutting and locking the door, she turned around and saw manon's was squeezing her thighs together, biting her lip while her beautiful eyes were looking at her, you could hear a low "please" come from the brunette.

daniela walked over to her, “we have an hour at most so i'm gonna play with you a bit" daniela said while she pulled manon's panties down, she kissed her inner thighs while slowly inching closer to her aching heat.

"need you so bad" manon mumbled, "what was that?" daniela asked, she heard her the first time, she just wanted her louder. "i-i.." manon could barely get out feelin daniela's finger sliding deeper inside of her.

"uh huh?" daniela looked her inside of her brown eyes, watching them grow with need. daniela curled her fingers, pushing them in and out at a slow pace, manon's hips bucked, which made daniela chuckle, "so needy, aren't you" manon just nodded, making daniela stop.

"you were asked a question baby" daniela kissed her clit, before gently sucking on it, "w-wait.. dani" manon said, but daniela continued, pushing her fingers deep inside the brunette, "fuck fuck fuck fuck" manon moaned out, dani only sped up, loving how manon sounded.

daniela continued this same process until manon came, the brunette's thghs claming shut around daniela's face, the blonde forced them back opened and continued eating manon out, making the older grab at her hair.

daniela sighed against manon's clit, making the older shiver, and daniela finally broke off. she finally payed attention to the erection of hers, but manon had already pushed her on the bed, getting down to her knees.

she fondled with he drawstring for a bit, before just reaching her hands in and pulling daniela's dick from her boxers, watching the way her eyes filled with excitement, all the lust very evident.

she slowly stroked th blonde's cock, she glided her hand along the full length, stopping at her tip each time to caress it. soon she leaned down, staring slow, she took her tip in her mouth, with slow licks and small sucks soon turned to her taking more of her cock in her mouth, fully swallowing around dani.

she only broke off for some air, an adorable line of spit connected daniela's pink tip to her lips. she was only off for a few seconds, before trying to deep throat her again, the brunette drooling all over her cock, she held her head down, allowing her groans to finally spill out.

she let daniela use her throat, and while she thrusted into manon's mouth she could feel her tongue sliding along her entire length. she started to moan around it, bringing much more vibrations and pushing dani closer to her orgasm.

she sped her hips up, the girl held her mouth open, allowing daniela to have free access. soon she came down her throat, groans and small whimpers spilling from her.

daniela pulled out, wiping the access cum that dripped down her lips. she picked manon up, and put her back under, this time slowly slipping herself inside of the brunette.

she started off slow, easing her cock inside of her cunt, the girl felt like she was being torn in half. "tell me when to stop" the blonde gritted out, it was hard to penetrate the girl without the fear of hurting her by accident.

soon she tapped her, saying it was too much so she stopped, she was only an inch from being completely inside of the girl. she lifted her thighs, the bulge of her dick being seen through the older’s abdomen.

she couldn't help but find it adorable, and soon she began to thrust slowly, dragging her cock out of her just to slowly push it back in, this rhythm drove the girl insane, she wanted more but fuck she was so full. she was stretching her out so well but she was also able to reach her cervix, the girl completely lost it.

her once low moans turned louder, they filled the room, the lewd words that would spill from her throat all bounced off the four walls. daniela soon grew tired of this, slow ass pace.

so she forced manon’s thighs open again, and she fucked into the girl at an insanely fast pace. she held her hips as she pistoned into her, her walls clenched around her m way tighter than she'd expected, her orgasm catching up to her faster than she thought too. manon would bucked her hips each time daniela’s hips would meet hers.

soon her thrusts became sloppier, her moans picked up, while daniela’s did also, soon they came together. she continued to slowly thrust inside of the older, dragging the orgasm out much more, her load painting the girl's womb white with her seed, and she soon pulled out, her load leaking down onto the bed sheets.

daniela stood up, going to get something to clean manon up, but once her hair touched her back she could feel a sting, checking in the mirror and seeing that manon had scratched her back, it wasn't like she cared, she found it cute.

soon she returned with the warm towel and cleaned manon up and kissed her, she gently slipped manon back into her clothes and held her hand while they walked downstair only to see lara and sophia standing their with their mouths wide open.

"in my ROOM????" sophia yelled at them and went off on them about how they could've picked ANY other vacant room in her house but they chose her room, lara didn't even know how to react, just there frozen.

[delulujuls]

emotional support rivals | ls18, sp11

hi! i dont know how to comment on this one, basically i thought that i would try to tame sergio and lance a bit because i know that some people may not like them as much. but they did pretty well here!

anyway, enjoy!

summary: reader is having the worst day of her life aka first day of her period, lance and sergio dont know how to act but they tryna be supportive

warnings: none i think

pairing: lance stroll x fem!mclarendriver x sergio perez

This day was terrible. And that was it.

But you might ask, how could a day be terrible when it hadn't even had a chance to start? Y/N just felt in her bones that this would be the case. She also knew her current schedule of duties, which considering the current jetlag that weighed heavily on her mind, added quite a bit to her already full plate.

Of course, days like these were allowed to exist; balance in life was the norm. Nevertheless, Y/N fervently wished for this one to, as soon as possible, come to an end.

Unfortunately, a quick end was out of the question, as her alarm had just rung. She struggled to open her sleepy eyes and saw the gloomy 6:30 on her phone's display.

She sighed and sat up in bed, feeling an unpleasant sensation in her stomach. She was familiar with this feeling and it signaled one thing and one thing only.

"Oh no, it can't be."

Y/N muttered under her breath and quickly reached for her phone, opening one of the apps. The notification confirmed her worst fear. "Your period may start today!"

"Fantastic, just fucking fantastic."

In a already bad mood, she tossed her phone into the pillows and got up with a symphony of groans, sighs and curses. As soon as she got out of bed she checked the sheets but the snowy white fabric assured her that today would be a one big roulette of waiting for her period to start.

When she showered and got ready to leave, she also packed her emergency kit for days like this. She had to use it partially though, because the pain in her stomach was simply unbearable. And it wasn't the typical stomach ache that everyone thinks of when they hear 'oh no, my stomach hurts' but this stomach pain was the Lance Stroll of all stomach pains. It doesn't seem to hurt too much, but it spoils your whole mood with its terrible nature.

Since talking about Stroll, it happened like that she still had practice laps that day, which she failed to pass while everyone else did. As it turned out, the same task was waiting for Lance, because in the cafeteria, apart from the busy employees, there was him. And that damn Mexican, too.

"What time are you supposed to be on the track?"

Checo asked from behind her when she was grabbing breakfast from one of the swedish tables.

"What happened to 'hi, good morning'? 'Buenos dias,' at least?"

She muttered, pouring syrup on her pancakes.

"Normally you don't talk to me, so I figured there's no point in trying."

He replied, somewhat thrown off by her response.

"Hello Sergio, nice to see you too and yes, it just happens that we're stuck with each other today. I'm on at 10am, you're ahead of me at 9, and that Aston idiot is at 11."

Y/N said sarcastically, putting on the nicest tone she could muster.

Sergio didn't know how to respond, so when she turned to leave for her table, he simply stepped out of her way.

Lance ate in silence, observing the scene quietly. He was watching the McLaren sun, today completely covered by stormy clouds, going away and sitting alone. Inadvertently his gaze met with Checo, who just shook his head and returned to choosing his breakfast.

Y/N sighed heavily, sitting at one of the empty seats. She ate absentmindedly, not used to the absence of Oscar and Lando. They had different things to attend to that day, so it wasn't unlikely that they wouldn't even cross paths. Maybe it was even better for them; each of them would probably receive a monthly dose of sulking. The charms of being the only girl in the company could be really tough at times.

And it's not that Y/N was a pain in the ass only for Oscar and Lando. She got along well with most people she interacted with daily. A few times she even went out with other girls; she wasn't limiting herself to the company of guys only. Unfortunately, Oscar and Lando had happened to take a particular liking to each other, which made the trio basically unseparable.

There were people with whom she didn't have frequent contact, or with whom she only exchanged smiles in passing but she had never had the chance to exchange a word.

It's also known that in life you can't be liked by everyone and not everyone can be liked by you. In this case, there was no magical exception. It just so happened that she would spend today in the company of those people who sat at the other end of the cafeteria, occasionally throwing her stolen glances.

After finishing her meal, the girl got down to her duties, wanting to bring this day to an end as quickly as possible. At the appointed time, she appeared on the track, quickly changing into her racing suit. She put on her helmet and after a brief discussion of notes, she sat in the car. That's when she felt that something was wrong. The worst-case scenario flashed before her eyes.

"Can I quickly go to the bathroom?"

She asked, looking at the technician nearest to her.

"We're a bit behind schedule. Can it wait?"

Y/N resignedly nodded. She knew there was nothing left to salvage.

She adjusted her straps and when she got the signal to leave the garage, she drove outside and headed straight for the track. After the radio test and receiving permission to start, she clenched her fists and roared the engine.

She was angry and as it's known, there's nothing worse than a female rage.

She was angry at this day, at herself, at this damn car. She was angry at the bloodstain on her damn orange suit, even though she hadn't seen it yet.

She was so hormonal that if it weren't for the helmet restricting her movements, she would have screamed at the top of her lungs.

However, female anger was priceless.

"Best lap time, I repeat, best lap time."

She tightened her grip on the steering wheel, not responding to the message.

In moments like this, she didn't care about anything. And it's pretty well known that a person who doesn't care has nothing to lose.

When the session ended and she received the message that she could pull into the pit lane, she complied. Mechanics rolled her into the garage and only then did it dawn on her that her hands were still clenched on the steering wheel. When she managed to free herself from the car, she immediately checked her seat. She cursed under her breath and took off her helmet, placing it aside. Quickly grabbing the nearest rag, she began to wipe away the stain of shame on her seat. The technician, whom she asked about going to the bathroom before the start, when he realized what had happened and what she was doing, just gave her an apologetic look.

She unzipped her suit and slid its top off, covering the stain on her backside. Zac wanted to congratulate her on the result and discuss the outcomes, but she apologized and grabbed her emergency kit, heading straight to the bathroom. She changed into her unstained clothes, guarded against another unpleasant surprise and bundled up the suit, muttering under her breath that a visit to the laundry awaited her later that day.

When she returned to the McLaren garage, Zac, upon seeing her, immediately smiled.

"Young lady, you charmed us today! You literally flew in that car!"

"I guess that's good, I think."

The girl replied, mustering a smile as she glanced at the monitors in front of her.

"Good? It's brilliant!"

Zac replied with a smile and checked his notes.

"After checking the car, I would ask you to put on your suit again for a moment because we need to do a few more laps on different tires."

"I thought that was it for today."

Y/N replied, looking at him.

"Now, you were driving on mediums; it would be good to know what time you can achieve on the hard compound."

The girl tightened her suit under her armpit.

"But—"

She started, but it felt silly, so she lowered her voice and approached him, "My suit is not suitable."

"How so? What happened?"

He frowned and looked at the bundle she was holding.

"I won't be able to drive in it anymore today."

Zac looked confused, so she just said "period" without using any words. He quickly understood and immediately nodded his head.

"Ask someone if we have another suit in stock. It would mean a lot to me if we could finish these tests today."

Y/N nodded and walked away, sighing heavily when she was out of his reach. However, as it turned out, racing suits are not as straightforward as one might think and the only McLaren suit in this garage was hers—rolled up into a ball of shame and unfit for use. One of the women upon hearing her situation only gave her a comforting hug and suggested borrowing a suit from Sergio or Lance, taking advantage of the fact that they were only drivers nearby. The situation was exceptional and it was all about internal measurements.

Disheartened by the fact that she would be forced to confront the men, she left the garage and looked around. Checo and Lance were sitting nearby, chatting in front of the Aston Martin garage. Y/N gathered herself and approached them, causing them to immediately pause their conversation.

"Can I borrow a suit from either of you?"

"You drive for McLaren, not for Aston or Red Bull."

Sergio said, taking a sip from his bottle. The girl involuntarily clenched her fists. Be professional, she thought and took a deep breath.

"If I didn't have to, I wouldn't ask. I need a suit; mine... is not suitable for driving."

"What happened?"

Lance asked, glancing at her. His expression lacked the hint of malice that Sergio currently possessed.

"I just need one; is that not enough?"

"Give a good reason and I might even give you mine."

Pérez said, crossing his arms.

"I just got my period which means my suit is having a fucking bloodstain on my ass and even though I feel like they're cutting me in half completely alive I have to do some extra laps because this fucking fat idiot didn't think about pitstop to change my tyres and let me go straight to the track" Y/N she spoke quietly and calmly, but her voice was dripping with fury "So do me the pleasure and let one of you give me your overalls before something hits me, for fucks sake."

Lance and Sergio stood still. Sergio's face lost its fierce expression and Lance suddenly realized that he had started holding his breath out of stress.

"I'll give you mine, no problem."

Stroll spoke up, starting to unzip his suit.

"Yours is light, you idiot; if something happens again, everything will be visible."

Pérez scolded him and turned his gaze back to the girl.

"Wait a moment; I'll bring you mine right away."

Y/N nodded and watched him leave.

"Do you feel very bad?"

Lance asked, looking at her. He couldn't wrap his head around how the girl standing in front of him, bleeding and all, could endure such a great strain and still set the best lap time.

"It's been better."

She sighed.

Lance, not knowing exactly what to do or how to help, reached out his hand with a bottle in it. Y/N looked at the bottle first and then at his face. Seeing that he was genuinely concerned, she whispered a quiet 'thanks' and took the water from him.

Sergio returned shortly after, handing her his suit.

"I hope it'll fit well for you."

The girl handed back Lance his water and thanked Pérez as well.

"Good luck, tigresa."

Y/N nodded at them one last time and returned to the garage, changing into the borrowed suit and taking her place in the car again.

As she sat there, waiting for permission to leave the pit lane, she noticed that she wasn't angry anymore, at least not as much as she was some time ago. When she drove out and headed towards the track, she passed Lance and Sergio once again, who were giving her thumbs up.

For the first time that day Y/N genuinely smiled and who would have thought it would be thanks to her rivals, who had now become her emotional support ones?

[1000plants]

Holidays Pt3 - New Years

Bucky Barnes x reader (GN)

Summary: An accidental series centered around the various holidays with my beloved Bucky Barnes  

Warnings- Alcohol/drinking/intoxication, swearing, Soft!Bucky (a warning bc oh god I love him he's a cutie patootie), my overuse of italics and commas. 

Word count- ~2k

Author's Note- This was supposed to be posted first thing New Years day -_- I had it scheduled for February 1st… im great with tech dont worry 

Masterlist

Read Pt 1 HERE and Pt 2 HERE

=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

You wouldn't say you thought about Christmas all the time. It was only that one kiss you thought about.

And how he asked to make things more official that same day. Having a boyfriend wasn't how you were planning on ending the year and starting the New Year. 

You had done the eating 12 grapes thing last year- a superstition Natasha convinced everyone to do. Surprisingly enough, it has worked out quite well for you. Though, all the luck seemed to be work related. From narrowly avoiding an emergency surgery for a bullet wound in January, to having an incredibly successful mission in October that led to the downfall of a stubborn HYDRA base.

Everything this year has gone… not terribly! Sure, looking back you had a few regrets. You should've  done this, or not done that, but you couldn't change it all now. You could only move forward.

Then, of course, November's party still brought up butterflies in your stomach every time you thought about it. And December was all but a dream. Honestly, you felt a bit silly with how just the memories of it all would turn your insides to mush.

How quickly those seemingly fairytale-esq moments made you go from stoic to a grinning mess. Even thinking about them now made your cheeks feel warm. You prided yourself on being more serious than Tony, taking your jobs responsibilities with pride and the no-nonsense attitude it required. Yet there you were, on the verge of kicking your feet and giggling because of the other RBF teammate.

And, with twenty minutes till midnight, January 2025 was expected to be just as dazzling as 2024 was.

Well, it would be… if your boyfriend was anywhere to be seen.

Tony's party was beyond insane. People wearing various sparkling outfits, rich jewel colors, and corny hats and glasses were all loudly dancing and partying in the massive hall the billionaire had rented out.

You weren't much better in the slightest, Achilles heel being free crappy paper hats and plastic glasses. The bright green 2025 glasses with the navy blue party hat was certainly a look. It felt better to blend in, a sense of comfort in doing something that would normally look silly, but everyone else was doing it and no one batted an eye.

Beer in hand, you weaved through the crowds. Bucky had disappeared off with Steve about forty-five minutes ago. Not that that was the problem, you had also slipped off to talk with a few friends. No, the problem was that he had yet to meet you back at the pillars by the entrance of the hall.

With a deep sigh and quick gulp of your beer, you park yourself just out of the way of the partygoers and by the aforementioned meeting spot. You surveyed the room as you leaned against the cold marble pillar. Arms crossed over your chest, swirling a half empty beer bottle in your right hand, your eyes bounced from body to body searching for one particular man.

=-=-=-=-=-=-

To: Bucky

You, 11:39 p.m. : by the pillar

You, 11:41 p.m. : need more alcohol, im no where near as drunk as everyone else

You, 11:42 : Bucky?

You, 11:46 : ? Wya?

          Messages Delivered

=-=-=-=-=-=-

Just under 15 minutes till the new year and you desperately wished your phone had any battery left.

You had spent your last precious few percentages on texting Bucky another WYA? And a followup: Bring a charger at least? Phones at like 2 percent. The last you had checked, your messages had been sent and successfully received, but not read. He was always terrible about checking his phone, according to everyone else, but he was always quick at answering you. If he didn't, he seemed to have an air tight explanation as to why. 

Quite literally something along the lines of “Saved an old lady from dying” or “Was actively stopping a robbery”. So, surely if he wasn't contacting you back with you nearly blowing up his phone, he was busy.

You felt a smidge of embarrassment when you thought about it longer. Was that the kind of partner you were becoming? You couldn't spend more than an hour away from him at a party? The last couple of weeks had been great, no red flags popping up between either of you. Also, you spent so much time together anyway! One stupid party wasn't important. 

Why were you waiting for him, exactly? There were plenty of others you could celebrate the New Year with! And that's what you'd do. 

The one who caught your attention was Tony, he had a steady stream of people circling him the whole night. You noticed that as midnight neared, his bubble was dwindling. Still surrounded by people who were all engaged in 5 different conversations, you silently joined the group. 

It was always awkward to pretend to be involved. This whole thing wasn't new, and no one seemed to realize you hadn't been here all night, you had done this a few times too many. Someone made a comment that caused others to laugh, you let the vibes of everyone else pull you into the moment, and you laughed along. 

You finished your drink, letting your body sway to the thumping music as more people filtered in and out of Tony's inner circle. Tony wasn't shit-faced enough to be causing a scene, though you noticed Happy was lingering by just in case. There was also most definitely a failsafe with JARVIS as well… Tony's party last year made it clear he needed constant supervision when copious amounts of alcohol was available. 

“Hey!” Tony clasped your back firmly with a drunken grin. You grunted, startled and pulled from your haze, “Few more minutes! You ready?”

The smile on your face was initially a bit stained, but something about a giddy Stark made your smile soften a bit. You suck in a sigh and nod in response, “Of course!” You  loudly say over the noise.

“Are you ready?” You ask back, not sure if there was any way to prepare for the new year. Small talk, honestly. 

As Tony rambled about his prospective 2025 suit ideas, tech concepts, and expansion plans, you find yourself shifting your shoulder under his arm. The grip of his hand hadn't left your shoulder and he was swaying on his feet more than usual. You decided quickly that you’d rather find a way to slowly guide him somewhere safe rather than have to haul a half conscious dead weight man around.

“An’ theres the whole thing with the investors - not that I need them-” Tony babbles, eyes vaguely fixated on one of the large screens with the countdown playing on it.

You hum in agreement, wrapping an arm around his waist and the other clamped down on his wrist to guide him more easily through the crowd. You had remembered seeing a stone bench by the pillars earlier, it had people sitting on it, but surely they'd let Stark sit down for a bit.

People wordlessly parted as you brought Tony to the bench, everyone was too engulfed in their own conversations to spare you both a glance. It only took a moment to get the man to sit down, he seemed more than willing to rest a moment. Though, you knew once the main count down started he’d be up again. By then he would be Happy’s problem.

You leaned up once more against the pillar, arms crossed over your chest as you watched the large screens with everyone else. One of the screens was showing the Times square ball drop, and the two flanking it had timer countdowns that were pulsing to the beat of the music.

30! A handful of people started counting down.

You watched the timer flicker, something about New Years always made you a little anxious. It was mostly just the act of a bunch of people counting down, but also the prospect of new was a bit nerve wracking. New Year, New Me… right? 

Everything about this year would be new. A partner, you were more secure in yourself, your job was all you could’ve dreamed for, and there was just an air of certainty that had been following you recently.

Sure, you would've loved to have spent the last 15 minutes with Bucky and Sam instead of Tony and other random partiers… But you were going to enjoy the countdown anyway.

10!... 9!... 8!...

Your heart beat a little firmer in your chest, but you found yourself joining in the countdown. Your voice was lost in the sea of others, unsurprising since you were more whispering to yourself.

7!... 6!... 5!...

The room was dark save for the flashing screens and glowsticks. Someone in front of you dropped their hat on the ground, they didn't seem to care as they bounced on the balls of their feet to the timer.

4!... 3!... 2!...

People coupled up. Friends grabbed each other's hands, partners eeked closer to  their significant others, even Pepper had managed to find Tony and took up residence next to him on the bench. 

You noticed this all in an instant, watching from the corner of your vision. You had no time to dwell on slight disappointment, only the flashing numbers that made you squint your eyes.

1!... HAPPY NEW YEAR!

You cheered with everyone else, grinning and ducking your head slightly as some confetti dropped from the ceiling. White, gold, and silver paper fluttered down from the sky, cheering and whooping from those around you loud enough to make your ears ring.

You suddenly felt a hand grabbing your arm, cold metal gently gripping your bicep. It was in an instant you were turned around and lips slammed onto yours before you could register truly what was happening. You couldn't help but grin into the kiss when your brain finally caught up to who it was. Pressing your lips back against Bucky's before pulling away, you looked  at him with a quizzical expression.

“Where were you?” You ask with a confused smile, talking a little louder over the commotion of the room. Still, even with the noise, he had a way of drowning it all out for you. Like your brain just honed in on him at times, shutting out anything else.

“I wanted to find somewhere quieter to go,” Bucky explained quietly. He sucked in a small breath as his hand left your arm and instead lightly cupped your jaw. You noticed how, even in the shit lighting, his eyes caught each flicker of light from the room. With his dark blue eyes sparkling, they looked like the ocean at night. With the moon catching the edge of the waves.

And they sparkled just for you. It was something you knew somewhere in your core, he only looked at you like this. How you never noticed it before, you didn't know.

“Cant get quiet in a place like this,” You chuckle, stealing a glance at the party around you. It felt like you were in your own little world, like you were watching everyone else through a lens. When you looked back at Bucky, you realized his gaze hadn't left you for a moment.

“Yeah,” He chuckled, working his jaw slightly as he grinned, “Realized that a bit too late, I think.”

“Sam and Steve talked for a lot longer than I was expecting them to, I didn't mean to disappear for so long,” Bucky sheepishly explained, a hint of red appearing on his ears and cheeks.

Hm, he didn't have as rock solid of an excuse as he normally did, but you didn't particularly care at the moment. More than happy to have even just these few moments with him.

“Well,” You hummed, shrugging your shoulders slightly as your own hands found rest on his waist, “You’ve got all year to make it up to me…”

[comet-forgot-you]

heyy idk if you're taking requests, but could you write River x reader where she's more dominant?? and maybe reader is more feminine?? I'm obsessed with River...

ofc bae, kinda hard to write for fem reader bc im more masc, so if this is bad im so sorry :[

remember

dealer!river x fem!reader

summary: river loves leaving you hanging, but she just thinks you’re so hot :(

warnings: 18+ pls, smut, strap use, top!river, orgasm denial, marijuana use, fingering, oral, teasing, river takes a picture, rivers a lil mean. like a lot a little. lots of cursing idk, lmk if theres more! do not repost this work as your own.

a/n: this took me so long to write lol, im sorry anon 😭. i kinda dont like this, i tried im sorry. anyway i kept accidentally writing amber instead of river and i literally don’t know why. enjoy :D

the air of river’s room was humid, the sounds of you panting being the only thing heard over the blaring music of the ongoing party outside of the room was the sounds of your pants and river’s endless remarks.

“gonna cum? already? we haven’t even been here that long,” her strap is bottomed out in you as she whispers the words mockingly in your ear. you whine against her jaw, hips struggling to keep up with the quick pace river had set.

"m' sorry," your words are slurred, thoughts jumbled together, the only thing the actually makes sense in the moment is river.

river chuckles, pulling back to get a better look at you. "what? my cock making you feels so good you can't even speak properly?" she asks mockingly, rolling your nipples between her fingers.

“riv.. please lemme,” your sentence is cut off by a shaky exhale. “lemme cum. please, riv.” a knock comes from the door and you hold back the cry that threatens to escape as river halts her movements and pushes herself off of you.

“what?” she yells, head snapping to the door. she glances down at you, your eyes brimming with tears, hips trying to grind down on the strap still nestled inside of you.

“you have a client,” a voice yells from the other side. river holds your hips down, your head shaking “no”

you knew how this would play out. river would be a huge fucking tease all night, hands crawling up the skirt she picked out, whispering dirty words in your ears, kisses on all the spots she knew drove you insane. you knew that if you didnt cum now, you wouldn’t until everyone left.

“please, river, don’t- fuck,” river’s thrust into you, your own moan cuts your words off.

“i’ll be right there,” she yells back. your eyes widen and river’s lips curl up into a mocking smile. “be a good girl, yeah? get dressed and join the party,” she mumbles. she pulls out of you and you whimper out at the emptiness.

“riv,” you whine her name, hoping to draw her back in. her eyes never leave yours, that stupid smile doesnt leave as she tucks the strap back into her pants.

she leans down, pressing kisses from your thighs to your jaw. “cmon, baby, dont wanna make the customer wait forever now, do we?” she pulls back slightly, her face so close to yours, you want nothing more than to kiss her. she grabs something off of her bed, and once she starts strapping it to your thigh, you know what shes about to ask you. “hold this for me, hmm?” its not really a question, though. you know she’ll tuck the lighter into the thigh garter whether or not you say yes or no.

shes off of you in seconds, heading to the door and looking back at you with that stupid smile. you groan. god was it going to be a long night.

—

river’s endless teasing and “innocent” words had you dripping. the cotton covering your cunt was stuck to your folds. you hated how much of a tease she was. every single movement she made had your head spinning with want.

even now as you sat on the couch, room filled with guards that were there solely to make sure things didnt go south, your legs draped across river’s thighs, she was still teasing you. hands trailing against the soft fat of your thighs, that pit in your stomach had yet to cool down, there was no way you could wait until the end of the night for her to fuck you.

river reaches into her pocket, taking out a small cigarette case she put joints in instead. she looks at you for what feels like the first time since you left her room. “you got a light, baby?” its a dumb question, really. she knew you had one, after all, she was the one who had tucked it into the thigh garter. you nod and river wastes no time sneaking her hand under your skirt to fish the lighter out.

she acts as if there werent eyes on her at all times. she brushes against your clothed cunt and it takes everything in you not to whimper at the feeling. she quickly grabs the lighter before removing her hand and lighting the joint hanging loosely from her lips.

you cant focus on the words she says to the client, only on the movements she makes. the way her jaw flexes as she clenches when the man makes a stupid remark, the way she stares him down like hes nothing, like he cant do anything. everything about her radiates so much power and confidence.

as soon as the guy leaves, you press yourself up against river, hand on her thigh as you lean in to whisper in her ear. “need you s’ bad, mamas. need you t’ fill me up again. please? i’ll be so good i promise.” your words are filthy, but every word was the truth. you knew exactly what buttons to push to make river fold. you knew that if you kissed her jaw, or left marks across her neck, she’d do anything you asked of her. so you did exactly that. holding her jaw with your free hand, you leave a cluster of red marks that would soon bloom to a shade of purple. river grips your thigh, a rush of hear spreading throughout both of your bodies.

“god, y’know just how to rile me up, dont you. so fuckin’ needy.” you smile against her neck.

“cant help it, mamas,” you mumble. the name makes her close her mouth to prevent the groan that threatens to escape. but you feel the vibrations against your lips. she stands, guiding you out of the room, leading you through the crowded hallways to her room.

your back is against the door in an instant, her lips against yours as she tries to undo the belt around her waist with one hand, her other eagerly groping at your tit. you whine at her neediness, it matches your own and your hands fly to the belt to try and help her. your kisses are so messy and hungry, its hard to think about much of anything else. you manage to unbuckle the belt and slide her pants off. she makes quick work of undressing you, guiding the two of you to her bed. her strap pressed against your clothed cunt and your moaning against her lips.

“fuck, river please just,” you groan, arching up into her as her lips attach to your nipple, “jus’ fuck me, mamas please. need you t’ fill me up,” you a whining mess. amber pulls your soaked panties down your legs before parting your legs to look at the mess between your thighs.

“fuck, you’re so fucking wet, y/n. were you that fucking needy for me?” you whine, trying to close your legs, but her hands keep them spread. “nuh-uh, you don’t get to hide it now. not when you begged me to fuck you in front of my guys,” she sounds so mean, you swallow thickly, worried you had genuinely upset her. but the way she wraps her lips around your throbbing clit, you know its not genuine. your moans echo off of the walls, you slap a hand over your mouth to muffle your sounds, hyperaware of the crowd of people just outside of the doors.

two of her fingers sink into your cunt, her other hand pulling your hand away from your mouth. “don’t do that, let them all hear how good im fucking you. let em know you’re mine.” she laces her fingers with yours, her lips returning to wrap around your clit. her fingers curl up into your cunt and your fingers lace into her hair.

“fuck, river!” your hips are bucking up into her her warm mouth. “gon’ cum, you feel so good.” she squeezes your hand, and your gushing around her fingers. she’s quick to lap up your juices before standing to tower over you. she presses her fingers against your lips and you take them in your mouth to suck your juices off of them. shes rolling your nipples between her fingers, her strap prodding at your entrance. you buck against it, your cunt sensitive after the orgasm river had just given you.

“need you to fill me up river,” her voice is mocking your previous words. “need you so bad, god im just such a fucking slut i just cant wait for you to fill me up,” her words cause tears to prickle in your eyes. did you really sound like that? were you really that needy? her strap pushes into you, her lips wrapping around the plush of your tits to leave marks that she’d be taking so many pictures of later. the familiar stretch of your cunt has any thoughts of insecurity rushing out of your mind in an instant.

“riv,” you whine out at her slow pace.

“riv,” she mocks in a high pitched voice. “what is it baby? not enough for your needy cunt? need me to be pounding into just to be satisfied?” your eyes roll back as she bottoms out. a tear slides down your face. you cant tell if its from the pleasure or from her words. river had never been this.. mean before. you didnt mind, the pit in your stomach growing with every word.

river’s movements speed up. her strap fills you up so good, hitting spots inside of you that have you seeing stars. her mouth feels so good against your body, her hands keeping your thighs parted. “so fucking pretty,” she groans against your jaw, her breathing heavy against your skin.

“feels s’ good mamas, fuck,” your thighs shake against her hands, the coil in your stomach getting tighter and tighter with every single move river makes.

“yeah? gonna cum again? so fuckin,” she shudders when your fingers brush against her nipples, “fuck, so fucking needy. this cunt is practically sucking me in, shit,” she exhales sharply against your skin. you can tell she’s close to hitting her own high with the way her thrusts get sloppier and her breathing gets shakier

“fuck, river,” your moans are loud.

“c’mon, cum for me, go on,” your high hits just as river’s does. her strap stuffed so deep inside of you, “did s’ good,” she mumbles against your ear. “so fuckin good, shit,” shes rolling her hips against yours, trying to make both of your highs last a little longer. she lifts herself off of you, admiring the sight beneath her. “fuck,” she groans lowly.

she reaches for her phone off of the night stand, snapping a picture of you in your fucked out state. “so fuckin’ hot, baby.”

[nr1chaedickrider]

Shift.

Your friends have stupid ideas - you are easy to convince.

The floor is full of glass bottles, alcohol to be precise.

An almost empty champagne bottle, several beer cans, the cheap vodka that is completely empty.

You all sit on the living room floor and talk about the stupidest things.

"So you're saying... that you believe in, what's it called again... shifting??" Momo asks Chaeyoung, and everyone starts laughing.

"Hey, but listen to me for once. Actually, it makes perfect sense!!!" she replies, and the others, including you, start laughing.

"How much did you drink?" you ask her as you finish the last sip of your beer.

"Y/n! It makes sense, my goodness... You can think for yourself that your head is so fucked up that you can think about something like that!!! That it feels so real!!! Of course it's a bit witchy... but still!" Chaeyoung tries to explain, but is not taken as seriously by the others as she had hoped.

"But honestly..." Mina starts to say, and everyone looks to her to listen.

"I've read something about it too, it's actually quite interesting"

"It's worth a try, isn't it?" Mina asks, looking at you.

You ask yourself when it was decided that you should try it, but the alcohol motivates you in some way.

"Okay," you reply.

-

It feels like your left hand is floating, your right hand twitches every now and then, and you suddenly feel dizzy.

Your eyes are closed and you are lying alone in bed.

Maybe it's silly, childish, and more, but somehow you find it more interesting than you thought.

Before you fall asleep, you suddenly see a white light.

It feels as if your body is moving towards it.

Your arm reaches out, tries to grab it - and suddenly you see black.

Preview

Nayeon - wishing on you

Nayeon is drunk again, it makes you question if she has a reason to not be sober anymore.

"I wish you were a boy" one of you says.

"Just why...?"

"It's time for you to go home"

Jeongyeon - drops of blood

Jeongyeon can already hear the news.

"Young girl died in a mysterious, paranormal way."

"Do vampires really exist?!"

"Don't be scared of me, please."

Momo - fight or flight

"You dont love me anymore!"

"I really do.. god just please-"

"I don't want to lose you."

"I want to keep fighting for you"

Sana - importance

"But, I love you.."

"Y/n.."

"I can't."

"Pack your things and leave."

Jihyo - as cold as ice

"She hates to admit the fact that she admires you in a way that makes her sick in her stomach."

"When I see you dance, I wish I could look away."

"Why do you hate me?"

Mina - gun pointed at my heart

"Would you really do anything for money?"

"Please.. don't."

"I thought you loved me"

"Was it all just fake?"

Dahyun - secret

"Congrats on winning"

"Couldn't have done it without you"

"They are coming, go away"

Chaeyoung- red string of hope

"Where were you all my life?"

"I searched for you"

Tzuyu - stupid feelings

"What are you doing here?"

"Stop crying."

"Dont leave me like this."

[notiddygothgf]

4. Taste Like Nicotine

★ pairings: aki hayakawa x fem reader

★ ❝ Go back to Himeno. ❞ ❝ No. That's not what you want. ❞

★ c.w.: suggestive themes, drinking (more content warnings and tags)

★ a/n: HELLO AGAIN MY POOKIE DOOKIES!! IM BACK AGAIN. bc i have nothing better to do atm and i wanted to give yall a lil sum sum before i moved away to uni. please excuse the pacing of this chapter -- this fanfic was supposed to be a oneshot and uh... now its 160 pages in google docs LMFAOOA.. things get spicy in this chapterrr! so yeah anyway, you know the drill, keep me entertained -- keep your funny little comments coming, I absolutely love reading them. You guys motivate me to keep going! Love yall

★ w.c.;4.1k

shameless ; chapter index

THE OFFICE WAS QUIET, the hum of fluorescent lights and the occasional rustling of papers the only sounds that broke the silence. You were alone, finishing up some last-minute paperwork after hours. The mission had gone surprisingly well—no casualties, a rare feat in your line of work. The team had even managed to kill a large Devil containing a piece of Gun Devil Flesh, a significant victory. Yet, instead of joining the others to celebrate, you had chosen to stay behind. Partly to avoid any awkward encounters with Himeno, but mostly because you felt restless, unable to shake off the events of the past few days.

As you finished up the last of your reports, you glanced at the new message on your phone.

HIMENO| you didn't come tonight.

Typing...

YOU

| I didn't think you'd wanna see me after the stunt I pulled.

HIMENO| I dont, but I wanted u to know that everyone is talking abt u

YOU

| ??

| wym

HIMENO

| your shadow didn't come tonight, either.

Typing...

YOU| look, himeno, ive actually been wanting to talk to you about that

| would you be able to meet up and talk it out?

HIMENO| id rather not honestly.

| ur a grown woman and i cant stop u from doing what u want

| but just know that people in pb. safety talk

| dont mess up a relationship with a perfectly good man for aki

| u should leave him for someone who can actually give him what he needs

YOU| I understand that I've hurt you, Himeno, and I'm sorry

| I have no intentions of being with Aki.

HIMENO| good

| dont get him mixed up in ur fucked up marriage

|  he doesnt deserve that.

You sighed, pocketing your phone. There were certain battles you simply couldn't win. This would undoubtedly be one of them.

It was late, and you knew you should head home. You gathered your things and made your way down the dimly lit hallways, your footsteps echoing in the emptiness.

As you passed the breakroom, you heard voices. One familiar voice, more specifically.

You slowed your pace, not wanting to intrude but curious enough to catch a snippet of the conversation. The door was slightly ajar, and you could see two figures inside.

"You look desperate, dude," the unknown person said, barely audible. "It's not attractive."

"I'm becoming ridiculous," Captain Hayakawa said, his voice low and strained. "I'm losing hope."

"Hope of what? Convincing a married woman to break her vows?" the other person retorted, a hint of incredulity in his tone.

Are they talking about me? You asked. You knew the answer. You simply did not want to confront it.

Hayakawa sighed. "I thought she would call me by now," he admitted, the vulnerability in his voice making your stomach churn uncomfortably. "I just... there was something there."

There was a pause, then the other person sighed, his voice softening. "God, you are ridiculous." After a moment, he added, almost reluctantly, "Shit, sorry, man. I know you like her."

"No, you're right," He replied, a note of resignation following his words. "She doesn't want to speak to me. I'm driving myself crazy waiting for someone who's never gonna call."

You felt a knot tighten in your stomach, guilt and confusion swirling together. You hadn't intended to eavesdrop, but now you couldn't just walk away without feeling a pang of something—regret, perhaps? The slip of paper with his number, still in your possession, weighed heavily in your mind. You had been avoiding the situation, avoiding him, and now it was clear how much it had affected him.

Aki's words echoed in your ears as you stood frozen in the hallway.

He was right; you hadn't called him. You hadn't even acknowledged the note, too caught up in your own turmoil and guilt to consider his feelings. Now, hearing him speak so openly, you felt a rush of emotions—sympathy, guilt, confusion. There had been a moment between you, an undeniable spark, but you had chosen to ignore it, to pretend it didn't exist.

When would it all come crashing down – your efforts? This whole situation?

The conversation in the breakroom continued, but you couldn't listen any longer. You turned away, your heart pounding. As you made your way to the exit, you couldn't help but replay Aki's words in your mind.

He had been waiting for you, hoping you would reach out, and now he was losing hope. Fuck.

He had been waiting for me.

The idea thrilled you, for some strange reason. Maybe because you hadn't felt desired like this in years – it made your head spin. But another part of you was terrified—of what it might mean, of the complications it would bring, of the impact on your marriage.

You couldn't help yourself. You did what you always did. You ran away from him.

You knew you couldn't avoid him forever, but for now, you needed time to think. .

7:45 PM

Typing... 

Hey. |

Typing...

Hello, |

Typing...

How are you? |

Typing...

Hey. They're taking me out for drinks tn as a sendoff party. I think you should be there.

SENT.

YOU | Hey. They're taking me out for drinks tn as a sendoff party.

I think you should be there.

| At the Sip-n-savor in downtown Tokyo

Seen 8:00 PM .

The night went on without a flaw. The atmosphere was infectious, and you had been trying to let loose, drink in hand, as you chatted and danced with the others. But as the night wore on, a sense of unease settled in. Maybe it was the drinks, maybe it was the memories of the overheard conversation in the breakroom, or maybe it was the subtle disappointment that someone hadn't shown up.

Excusing yourself, you made your way to the bathroom. The mirror reflected your flushed cheeks and slightly smudged makeup. You sighed, turning on the faucet and splashing some water on your face. As you washed your hands, you found yourself thinking about Aki.

Despite everything, a depraved part of you had hoped to see him tonight. You had been both relieved and disappointed when he hadn't shown up—relieved because it meant avoiding an awkward conversation, disappointed because you had been... well, actually looking forward to seeing him.

As you touched up your makeup, you couldn't help but reflect on your own conflicted feelings. You were married, committed, and yet, Aki had stirred something in you that you simply couldn't stand to ignore. It was confusing, disorienting. You weren't sure what you felt more strongly: guilt for being drawn to him or frustration that you couldn't just let it go.

"Ugh," You groaned, pressing your forehead against the sink. "'M g'nna be sick."

Feeling a bit lightheaded from the drinks, you decided to step outside for some fresh air. You left the bathroom and – completely drunk – maneuvered through the crowds to the nearest door.

The cool night breeze was a welcome relief against your warm skin, and you leaned against the balcony railing, taking deep breaths. The city lights twinkled below, and you watched them in a daze, trying to steady your thoughts.

That's when you saw him.

Aki was just entering the party, his sharp suit and dark hair making him stand out immediately. You felt your heart skip a beat. Then another. He was killing you.

He came, you thought, a strange mix of emotions flooding you. Relief, excitement, and that persistent undercurrent of guilt all tangled together.

He spotted you almost immediately and made his way over. As he approached, you couldn't help but think how painfully gorgeous he looked, the dim lighting casting a soft glow on his features. In that moment, he seemed almost like a knight in shining armor, a figure out of place in the lively, chaotic setting of the bar.

"Hey," he greeted, his voice smooth and warm, a balm to your nerves.

"Hey," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady despite the fluttering in your chest.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked, a slight concern in his tone. "You're not cold?"

He always seemed to be worried about you and the weather. Still, the chill felt nice against your hot skin, oddly enough.

I missed you, you didn't say. You didn't even think about it. You knew that in a day you would be back on the train and all of this would just be a bad dream, anyway.

You shook your head, a small smile playing on your lips. "No, I just needed some air. It's a bit stuffy in there."

Aki didn't respond immediately, and when you turned your head up to look at him, his expression was unreadable. The noise from inside the bar seemed distant, the world narrowing down to just the two of you in that moment. You felt a tug in your chest, a pull towards him that you couldn't explain, couldn't deny.

"Did you pregame the bar, or something?" You laughed quietly. It felt nice, being able to pretend nothing had ever happened between the two of you and just... enjoy each other's company. "You smell like beer."

"I was having a few drinks with my roommate before you texted me," He answered. Then, looking out onto the street, he added, "He told me I shouldn't come tonight. Said you're driving me crazy."

"So, why are you here, then?" You asked.

He looked at you. "I think you know why I'm here."

There was a brief silence, comfortable yet charged with the unspoken. You glanced at him, noticing the way his eyes lingered on you, soft but searching. It was the same look he had given you in the seminar, the museum, everywhere else, and it stirred something deep inside you.

You hated the way he made you feel.

"Can I buy you a drink?" He asked you. His voice was as deep and rich as ever, and you had about half a mind to take him up on the offer.

You shivered. You knew it wasn't from the cold air. It was him – the smell of him, his cologne, the distinct scent of nicotine that let you know he had just finished smoking a cigarette. It was an aroma so unique to him that you had grown to like it.

You were looking at his lips before you knew it, giving way to a craving you couldn't explain, "I'll try a cigarette, if you have any."

He smiled softly, reaching into his pocket and flipping open a carton of cigarettes and a lighter. He placed a cancer stick between your lips, and you felt a part of you die a little. He struck the wheel of the lighter, bringing the cigarette to life.

You coughed so hard that you nearly hacked up a lung. It had been years since your last cigarette.

Hayakawa stepped behind you, cupping a hand around your elbow, sliding it up your arm, your wrist, your fingers before he plucked the cigarette from your digits.

"First time?" He asked, warm voice hot against your neck.

"Wanted to give it a try," You shrugged. You didn't know what, exactly, had gotten into you. It seemed that with every sip of liquor you took lately, you crept closer and closer back to your old self. The sort of liquid courage that made people make very bad decisions. "Sorry. I'm a little," You waved your hands around yourself, trying to gesture 'drunk' without actually saying it.

"How brave of you," He murmured, pulling a hit from your cigarette and exhaling. He was the picture of sin – face flushed with alcohol, messy bangs, pink lips wrapped around a cancer stick. He was so pretty it hurt.

"I'll try it again when I'm sober," You offered.

"When?" He asked, breathing smoke out into the air. "Where?"

As persistent as always, you thought. Still, you didn't necessarily mind the attention anymore. You told yourself that it didn't matter – you would be out of here soon anyway, and everything would be far behind you before you knew it.

"Why is it that every time I'm inebriated... God tests me by throwing you in my way?" You laughed, Truly, you wished you had considered the implications of your words a little more before you had said them. "Just as I thought your manners had improved since the party. You behaved badly, then. You know that? Very badly," you hiccuped. "You should be ashamed of yourself, throwing– hic–throwing yourself at a married woman like that."

He didn't acknowledge your drunken ramblings, and he also didn't deny the fact that he had been doing exactly that – throwing himself at a married woman.

"Hardly my fault," He breathed out. "I just can't seem to resist you."

"Don't worry," You replied, eyeing him up dubiously as he pulled another hit from what was left of your cigarette. "I'm leaving tomorrow. Won't have to worry about resisting me after that."

"I know," He answered back. "Selfishly enough, I spent the last few hours wishing your train got delayed one more day, or something like that," He exhaled, then snuffed his cigarette out on the balcony, "Still, I'm glad I could see you before you went home."

"I wish I could say the same about you," You replied before you could stop the words from coming out.

He poked his tongue through the inside of his cheek, retorting, "You're gonna sit here and act like you didn't invite me? Like your eyes didn't light up like a child when you saw me pull up?" He turned around, commanding even more of your attention, standing at least a foot and a half taller than you. "You wanted me to come tonight."

It was true. That's the worst part. Everything he said was the truth.

"So that I could say goodbye," You said with remarkable finality, "I'm leaving after this."

You hadn't originally planned on leaving so soon, of course, but you wanted to get the hell out of here before you made another bad decision.

"Already?" He asked.

"You're the one who ran late," You replied. "This ends tonight. I'm going to say bye to everyone else, then I'll be gone."

With that being said, you made your way back to the door. You would go inside, bid everyone farewell, collect your belongings, and then–

He called your name before you could go back inside. You froze in place.

"Am I misreading the signals?" He asked.

You sighed, turning around one last time to clear the air, "This has to stop, Aki. You make me feel like... like I'm guilty of something."

He implored you, "What do you want me to do?"

"Go back to Himeno," You answered, a biting undertone seeping through your words. You were undeniably bitter about the whole situation, and under any other circumstances, you would have tried to be a good sport, but...

Himeno's words were a heavy weight on your heart.

'Don't mess up a relationship with a perfectly good man for Aki.'

'You should leave him for someone who can actually give him what he needs."

You could never be what Aki wanted. He wanted all of you – not just a week of you, clearly. You were married, and you couldn't let all of that go over a guy you'd been toeing the line with for what seemed like ages.

He was a young man. The fact of the matter was that you were a grown woman. A married one.

"She's a sweet, kind woman," You continued. You felt like you were going to be sick just being near him. Unknowingly, tears began to prickle at the corners of your eyes. "Go back and beg her to forgive you. Go be with someone who wants to be with you. Who can be with you."

"No," He answered simply. There was an intensity in his eyes that frightened you, like he would die without you, as he continued, "That's not what you want. I think we both know that. I refused a mission in Hiroshima to stay here with you. I planned to let go of another one in Beijing," He swallowed, "I can change my mind, and you'll never see me again."

"If you have any consideration for me," Your voice was a shuddering whisper, like someone could walk out any minute and hear the two of you going back and forth. "Any semblance– a shrivel of compassion, you'll give me back my peace."

He shook his head, "I can't. You know I can't. You've consumed every inch of my peace, every inch of my mind. How can I give you your peace?"

Fair point.

You had nothing to say to him. So, silently, your vision blurred with tears, you glared at him. Glared and frowned like that would make you believe he was the sole contributor to this issue. Then, again, you turned on your heel and went for the door. You entered the bar quickly.

He followed not too long after you, "I'll go to Beijing, then."

"No." You said. Your teary-eyed fury caught the eyes of more than a few confused bar patrons. "I don't want you to go."

Everyone was looking at you. Seriously, everyone. Your old coworkers, the bartenders, everybody.

You swallowed down your pride, bowing down before them all. "Good night, everyone," You said. You plucked your purse and your jacket off of the barstool. "Thank you for everything. I'm leaving."

Ignoring the confused looks and hushed whispers from the patrons, you exited the bar, your mind a whirlwind of emotions. The rain had started to fall, a soft drizzle quickly turning into a steady downpour. You barely noticed, too wrapped up in the turmoil inside your head. The cold, wet sensation of the rain soaked through your clothes, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. You just needed to get away, to clear your mind.

But of course, Aki followed after you. You could hear him calling your name, his voice barely audible over the sound of the rain. You quickened your pace, almost running, your heels splashing through puddles as you made your way down the block. His footsteps pounded behind you, matching your speed. You couldn't escape him, couldn't outrun him.

Finally, he caught up to you, grabbing your arm to stop you. "Wait, can we please talk?" he pleaded, his voice breathless and desperate.

You turned to face him, rain pouring down around you both. His hair was plastered to his forehead, his suit jacket soaked through. The intensity in his eyes matched the storm, a fierce determination that made your heart ache. You met his gaze begrudgingly, not wanting to deal with this, not wanting to deal with him.

"Have I really been imagining all of this?" He asked. He sounded broken. "Is it really all in my head? Tell me if it's a lie. Tell me to leave you alone. Tell me you mean it—all of it," he paused, taking a shuddering breath. "Or tell me the truth."

You swallowed hard, the weight of the situation crashing down on you. "I don't know how to feel, Aki," you finally admitted, your voice barely a whisper. "I'm trying to be good, but you just keep fucking—popping up everywhere. And you say these pretty things to me, and," You choked back a sob, struggling to find the right words. "I can't help myself around you."

"Running from your problems won't make me go away," he said, stepping forward to put his hands gently on your waist.

There was a long pause as you stood there in the rain, staring at each other. The world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you. The storm, the bar, everything else was just a blur. You were tired—tired of running, tired of the confusion, tired of pretending that everything was fine when it wasn't.

He added, "You can't run from your feelings."

This time, it was his eyes that dropped to your lips. His tongue darted out to dampen his own, and then his eyes flicked up to your face. When he spoke, his voice was huskier than before, as if it had been tainted by an emotion that hadn't been there before. Was it lust? Passion? Whatever it was, you wanted more of it.

Your eyes widened. Your mouth had run dry. You didn't know what to say. Even being like this right now -- as close as you were, -- was against your wedding vows. This was wrong, and you couldn't do that to your own husband.

Your own husband who loved you so dearly.

Your own husband who left you hanging so many nights on end.

Your own husband, who acted as if he couldn't care if you lived or died.

As if he had sensed your train of thought wandering, Aki placed two fingers beneath your chin, lifting your face up until he was the captor of all of your attention. Him and him alone. Not your husband, but him.

"I could treat you like a princess," His eyes wandered down to your lips again, but this time there was an unspoken hunger within them. "All you have to do is ask, and I'm yours. I already am."

And, God, what a fool you had been in uttering the words, "Don't toy with my emotions. You don't want me."

He paused, awaiting something, anything. His eyes pleaded with your own, luring you in with promises of pleasure and happiness. Gently, he grabbed your hand, placing it over his breast, right above his heart.

"I want you so badly it hurts," He breathed, "For a night, for a day, for a week..." Aki closed the gap between the two of you – brought your faces closer together. Closer, until you could feel the warmth of his calm breath fanning out against your cheek. Closer, until he uttered, "As long as you'll let me have you."

"Aki, I can't-...." You paused. Yet, still, you never moved. Your body betrayed your words, dilated pupils and trembling hands giving way to your internal dilemma. "This is wrong. You know I can't do this."

You were being a hypocrite. You knew you were. One spare glance down at the placement of your hands on his chest -- one over his breast and one looped around his tie -- and you knew he could tell you were only putting up a front.

"I know," he murmured softly, words practically dying beneath the volume of the rain, "But I can't stop thinking about you."

You folded. Your eyes dropped down to his lips one last time, and that's when you knew he had already won.

Fuck it.

"Fuck you," you muttered, feeling a surge of reckless abandon.

Without thinking, you reached out and pulled him towards you, crashing your lips against his in a desperate, frenzied kiss. It was messy and wet, your tears mixing with the rain, your hands tangling in his hair as his arms finally wrapped around you.

The kiss was filled with all the pent-up emotions, the longing, the frustration, the desire. It was passion, it was anger – it was tongue and teeth and lips smearing your lipstick over the lower half of your face. It was two black holes finally colliding after circling around each other far too long.

"I can't make sense of it. I want... you," you sighed, pulling away, voice trembling, "I don't know what any of this means anymore. I don't know what to think."

"Then don't," he whispered, his breath warm against your lips. He tasted like cigarette smoke, beer and mint gum – a flavor so utterly addicting that you couldn't seem to get enough of it. "Don't think. Let me take you back to your room."

You hesitated, the reality of the situation hitting you. This was crossing a line, a line you couldn't uncross. But as you looked into his eyes, saw the same turmoil reflected back at you, you felt your resolve crumble.

You were tired of pretending.

"Okay," you whispered, your voice barely audible over the rain. It was a final, resigned acceptance, the last nail in the coffin of your restraint.

You were tired of running from the inevitable.

a/n: dont hate me. LMFAOAOAOOAOA. i had to! i absolutely loved writing this chapter and i loved writing tipsy obsessed aki. i headcannon that he's a touchy needy bf and no one can tell me otherwise. i think you all know what happens next. im not sayin nothin tho. hehe. ANYWAYYYYY LMK WHAT YALL THOUGHTTTTT i look forward to hearing it!!! lmk what yall wanna see in the next few chapters/over the course of the story. and if youve already watched anna karenina (or read, in which case... how...) shhhhhh youve seen nothing. muah! x

credits: UNKOWN ATM. I found the cover pic on pinterest unfortch. If you know the artist, please let me know, so I can credit them properly for their work!!! This is NOT MY BEAUTIFUL DRAWINGGG. I obviously do not own csm or anything related to it. please do not reproduce, copy, or translate my works anywhere. dont fk w me im a bruja.

also: come find me on my wattpad if u wanna interact more!

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