#the thing about kon that everyone gets wrong is that he's not stupid. he's a dumbass but he's not stupid

[mamawasatesttube]

kon is not really a leader (though he's also not an idiot actually and i will die on this hill) but he's such a good right hand man. very loyal. mom friend. powerhouse. this is Also why timkon are so spirk coded (but this time it's flipped) and in this essay i will

[suzukiblu]

Oh my God!!! You're making more of lex and his Baby Kon???!!!!! Yesssss!!!!! Love is being stupid together, please 💚

Which . . . yes, a hallucinating god-alien who’s invulnerable to human psychiatric medicine sounds like exactly the kind of thing that everyone looks at him like he’s a simpleton for ever bringing up as a valid concern. Because someone like Superman having a case of unmedicated god-alien bipolar personality disorder is definitely not a problem that could destroy Metropolis and possibly the planet, and god forbid they hurt the invulnerable god-alien's feelings with objective fact.

Maybe he should pick up some more kryptonite, Lex reflects. There’s probably a few chunks he’s missed here and there. Well, obviously Batman has a supply, but he’s not stupid enough to open that particular can of worms, so maybe he’ll just go murder Corben for his heart or go kick over Intergang and see what turns up. 

Most likely Intergang, considering. Experiment Thirteen’s age is a little impressionable for him to be jumping to murder as the first solution to every little inconvenience. It’ll waste a lot of resources if it gets the wrong idea about the appropriate times to commit murder.

[magnoliasandarson]

hoax

Tim was doing his absolute damnedest to project calmness, but he was losing his mind. Two feet away, munching on some cheesy fries, was the Red Hood—the prodigal son, the dead golden boy, his childhood hero, his Robin. The insane man who once beat him half to death, now the guy who occasionally dropped by the cave with a frankly worrying number of bullet holes. 

He’d been patrolling for an hour or so when he noticed the lack of gunshots, screams, explosions, etc., and tracked Hood to the gargoyle Dick took him to once when he was feeling sentimental. It was strange finding him without his signature explosive bucket on, with a bag of Batburger in his lap.

Tim didn’t know what to say, but he knew he needed to say something. Jason apologized for his actions weeks ago and explained that the pit had taken no dead Robins and turned it into all Robins must die, but there was still a weight between them. A clear line that said do not cross; luckily enough, Tim lived to cross those lines, “Takin’ a day off from murder and mayhem?”

Jason twisted his head to look over, his scowl somehow threatening, even with a fry hanging out of his mouth. He finished chewing, looking menacing the whole time, “Fucks it to ya, bird boy?”

Tim plopped down on the ledge; if Jason was going to shoot him, he would’ve already. He stared out at Gotham, at the empty streets and windows glowing with warmth and light. For once, the city was quiet, “Just making conversation, Hood.”

“What made you think I wanted to talk?” Jason’s tone was harsh, but it was about a five on the Jason-rage-meter, and Tim didn’t get fidgety till a seven. 

Tim kicked his feet out, idly drumming his fingers on the cement ledge, “Maybe I wanted to talk.” And in a weird way, it was true. This was Jason freakin’ Todd; the boy wonder that made Batman laugh. He oddly wanted to know everything. 

Jason sighed like he was accosted by young, costumed teens all the time, and, to be fair, he was. Stephanie had taken to showing up at his apartment at odd hours with waffles, and she had only been shot at twice, “Fine, traffic light. Whatcha wanna talk about.”

“Y’know, you wore the suit, too. ‘Least mine has pants.” Tim spoke, then immediately hunched away. Robin was a sore spot for Jason- Tim was stupid to bring it up. 

For some reason, Jason didn’t immediately pull a gun; he just cocked his head and laughed quietly. Tim straightened back up and tried to muster up a glare, but that just made Jason’s little laughs louder, “Ooh- baby bird’s got jokes,” he rolled his shoulders and offered a thing of fries from the bag, “want some fries, Tiny?”

Tim groaned; why did everyone make short jokes about him? He snatched the fries sharply in protest, “You were short too-”

“Yeah, then I took a dip in poison snot,” Jason cut him off, “Ya wanna do that too, short stack?”

Tim immediately jammed some fries in his mouth- he was incurably dumb. He’d managed to bring up Robin and the Lazarus Pit with Jason. He should hang up the cape, “You got any advice? As a former short king?” Honestly, he wished Jason would just shoot him now. There was something wrong with his brain on a fundamental level. He’d been hanging out with Bart and Kon way too much.

Jason tilted his head like he was buffering and inhaled deeply through his nose like he was trying to calm himself through sheer force of will, “Whatcha wanna know?”

Tim chewed his mouthful of potato slowly; he hadn’t thought this far ahead. What did he want to know from Jason? He could ask about crime-lording, but Jason would probably snitch to Dick, and then Bruce would lecture him for at least an hour. Oddly enough, there was only one safe topic he could ask about, and it would still likely result in him leaving with lead in his body that was not there before, “You got any, uhm, Robin-ly advice?” Lightning should strike him down.

Jason didn’t kill him, which was a plus; just lit up a cigarette and took a long drag, which was objectively hilarious, but Tim would die if he laughed, so he just ate another fry, “Robin was a different kid,” he blew out smoke rings like the cool guys in movies, and if Tim wasn’t acutely afraid of lung cancer, he’d be tempted to try, “Dickwing use’ta say, “Robin is magic, you have to be brave for the magic to work.” I used to believe that shit.”

“You don’t anymore?”

Another cool ring of cigarette smoke floated out through the sky, “I stopped believin’ when I dug my way outta my grave.”

Noted. Tim cleared his throat; this was not a conversation he was equipped for, “Oh.”

Jason snorted, “Yeah- oh,” he took another deep drag of his cigarette, making Tim’s chest twinge, “The thing is- Robin will make you believe you can be- make you think you can be a better person.”

“Then why aren’t you better?” The words left his mouth without Tim’s consent, and his whole body tensed to jump, his fingers finding his grapple gun at his waist. 

Jason gave a wry smile and stubbed his spent cigarette on the gargoyle to his right, “Because Robin isn’t magic.”

[intriq]

‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : Spindle Tree

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Character: Conner Kent/Kon-El

Theme: Angst with a happy ending [for fucking once]

Word Count: 555

spindle tree; your charms are engraved on my heart

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It's insane how long Conner has liked you. It practically drives himself and others up the wall with how he's insistent on the fact you deserve better than him, some clone of Superman.

He's liked you since he first saw you, and you've liked him since.. Well, since you also first saw him. But somehow you just can't seem to notice that he likes you back.

Truth be told there was no chance he couldn't like you. All it took was for you to say a few words and he was swooning for you. Every word you spoke he committed to memory. Just a few brief encounters with you at first and his heart was yours.

But he still felt as if he didn't deserve you.

Yes, maybe he hits on you and just about everyone else [totally not you more than others]. But it's just him being friendly, right? That's what you so desperately tell yourself.

It's what your convinced of when you finally work up the courage to confess to him, pouring your feelings out with a stumbled speech. He's just being friendly, because he rejects you.

Truth be told, Conner likes you. He really, really does, don't get him wrong. But he thinks you deserve better. After all, he's nothing more than some clone of Superman. You deserved a real person. Not whatever he was.

Conner's convinced he did you right, turning you away. He's convinced he's done the right thing by swallowing his feelings down to send you off to love someone else. Distracts himself with going on random dates with others, even though you are all that is on his mind the entire time.

He's convinced of that until one day he's talking with Tim one day. The conversation eventually turns to you, and gods the look Conner has on his face when Tim talks about having heard you have Hanahaki Disease, he's rising to his feet.

He's already practically folded by the time he's seen you. Regretting those stupid fucking words when he'd rejected you. For your own good, really? That was so stupid, he thinks. He rejected you for you to find someone better, and instead you're dying because you still like him.

Instead of going to your apartment door like any normal person, he instead lands himself on your balcony, knocking on your sliding glass door. And the moment you open the doors he's got his arms wrapped around you, babbling numerous apologies.

Because god, he can't stand the thought of you dying over some stupid feelings you've got for him. And he likes you too, he's just convinced you deserve someone else. But hey, if your going to be stubborn, then maybe he should take the chance to be a little selfish.

"I'm sorry, I really am. I didn't mean it, I swear. I do like you, I really do. So please, don't die over me rejecting you because I think and know you deserve better than someone like me. Maybe let me take you out? Maybe a dinner date or something?"

And how could you say no, when he's asking so nicely?

How could you say no when he's practically on his knees, begging by the time he's done talking?

Of course, you two get a happy ending. One that you both deserve, no doubt.

‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎┕━»•» 🌺 «•«━━━━━┙

[supurman]

on a further note of clarks kids. it just gets me sad. all of them just got ruined or damaged by dc.

yall do not gotta read this i ended up ranting about the state of clark's son's/potential super successors and it got REAL long. this is more or less word vomit with no coherent structure. truly my raw thoughts but somewhere in here ( the end ) is what i would envision on this blog.

kon had the most potential to me. then they put him through the ringer. they made him. they hardly made him have connections with superman in his comic runs ( they barley interacted beside the beginning and when clark split into 2 ). then they erased all his character and turned into a re-envisioned character who lacked spunk and all the personality that he once had. then they they erased him from comics for years IN GENERAL. what im trying to say is they practically made a perfect superman heir, removed him from supermans contact, REMADE HIS CHARACTER AND DESIGN, deleted him for some years, BROUGHT HIM BACK unexpectedly when he was already replaced by another superboy since dc never planned to have kon ever come back.. and yeah.

chris well he was great at first like most super kids but then his writing gets weird ( the whole night wing spirit thing was random as hell i fear ). once again much like jon did NOT get enough time to be a child before he also just disappears into the void of potential super heirs to never be heard of again like kon. until chris makes a comeback in rebirth. but oop! dcs favorite child is here, jon, so now chris is a villain for some reason in his new imagining and come back.

and finally jon. he had a great start. super sons was great. but then he just kind of made superman of a lesser character once they AGED UP JON. clarks writing suffered for a period because they wanted jon to be superman so bad. its no surprise all of this was a fiasco. dc tried to do something ( i forgot what ), failed, and were trying to work with their huge stupid mistake. i like jon to some degree but unlike the other supers he really is a superman copy-paste from personality to looks to style ro everything. and I MEAN HE LITERALLY IS JUST CLARK 2... thats what made kon so interesting. he had every potential to be the super successor WHILE ALSO BEING WHOLLY UNIQUE. jon was also a stone thrown in clarks timeline by accident. i say this because the first superboy was kon. dc got rid of him. which made clark have a spot for a new superboy, jon! so they make jon. dc then realizes they want to bring kon back from the archive closet. they bring him back and kon comes back to a world where he is ‘replaced’ and feels replaced. he has all this needless pain that makes no sense because he was unintentionally both replaced and brought back to a world that was written without intention to bring him back. so hes like ‘superman has a new superboy now..what does that make me.’ idk if what im saying is making sense here. imagine if dc restarted the dc universe ( as they do ). they have their intentions in mind where kon wont be written and jon will be the superboy. superman never knew kon existed since its a new universe, everyone is a clean slate now. then dc is like man we should bring back original superboy except instead of making him a clean slate we should make him remember his past from the original universe so he can be in needless pain of story line where we never planned him in. do you get me? there is nothing inherently wrong with jon i enjoy him a ton. its just more or less the superboy title and how clark ‘replaced’ kon..IF CLARK WAS ALLOWED TO RMMR KON HE WOULD OF NEVER REPLACED HIM. EVER. HE LOVED HIM?? ok dc i hate you so bad this will all be fixed on this blog.

do i hate any of the kids? no. i just wish they made sense. i wish no aging up happened. i wish kon was never forgotten. i wish chris..made more sense.

anyway in a perfect universe ( ahem, the rocky cinematic universe found here on supurman dot com ) Kon is the first superboy who is adopted by clark and never got forgotten ( by forgotten i mean literally deleted by dc and forced clark to forget about him ), chris would come along later, and clark has jon with lois who would then be their youngest son with NO AGING UP. kon would be most likely to be the next superman but everyone son is a rightful superboy.

[adultswim2021]

Space Ghost Week

Space Ghost Coast to Coast #68: “Waiting for Edward” | December 25, 1998 | S05E11

Ending the season on an episode that’s just fine. Denis Leary joins the Ghost with his acerbic brand of being a jerk. Denis plays it roughly how you’d expect, by acting very CYNICAL. He’s a cool guy who speaks his mind, and you gotta respect that. 

I’m a little at odds with myself, because I’m pretty sure that the first time I saw this I literally thought Denis Leary was ACTUALLY VERY FUNNY AND COOL. I still appreciate him on some level; he does embody a very 90s ‘tude that is generally “my bag”. In fact I bet you a million space bucks that I at one time or another referred to this as one of my favorite episodes just because it has Denis Leary in it. I really was that much of a loser. But I’ve grown up.* I’ve changed.**  Nowadays I just wish he would stop smoking and ranting, I got school in the morning, sheesh! I

This one starts with a very long “Waiting.” title card intro. I’ve been told that this episode aired with different variations where the music that plays during it is changed out. I remember one time noticing that in the program schedule for this episode they actually added “(version B)” to the episode title. I think Kon, who knows and is actually very good friends with Space Ghost, told me that it meant there was different music, and that it was on purpose. I think. He’ll correct me.

 I have to tell you something: I recently downloaded the Superjail episode “Superbar” as-aired as part of it’s stealth premiere on April Fools Day 2008. It was a “fine cut” version that wasn’t final, and it had the “Waiting.” title card at the start of it. Was “Waiting.” some kind of genuine internal Cartoon Network thing that played before the episodes instead of a more traditional countdown lead-in or production slate or whatever? 

This one also ends with, instead of an episode number, a little bug in the corner that designates this episode as belonging to the “100 series”. To this day, I don’t know what that means. When I was just watching these on TV in random order I assumed they actually had reached 100 episodes and decided not to count them after that. I was wrong, and I’m still baffled by it. In my comic “Early Conan” (which I’m not linking to because the web hosting is about to expire and I’m gonna move it somewhere else eventually) I actually included a “100 series” reference when I hit strip 100.

Notable moment run-down: the very long “Waiting” intro being interrupted briefly with footage of Space Ghost with Zorak on his shoulders, doing something mysterious. Zorak telling Leary that he’s seen all of his movies and that he didn’t think any of them were very good.  Moltar trying to get Space Ghost to say “nice jacket, Fonzie” to Denis. Denis dismissively telling Space Ghost that he only agreed to be on the show because his kids like it, and Space Ghost singing the line back “so the feelings of your stupid kids are more important than mine”. Space Ghost’s spit-take gag turning everyone red. Appearances from Brak and Lokar, who hasn’t been seen in a while. 

There’s also an appearance from the Cartoon Gang, who did somewhat lengthy interstitials between shows on Cartoon Network. It was just a group of kids discussing cartoons. They weren’t too beloved, and they seemed like the product of a craven attempt to be more outwardly kid-friendly by putting real kids on camera. I didn’t really remember them at all, but for some reason I have strong memories of Evan Dorkin hilariously bad-mouthing them during a Space Ghost commentary track. In their thankfully brief segment, Space Ghost bores them to tears about “saving Christmas” and then yells at them for being layabouts. Christmas gets a special thanks in the credits. Hilarious. Hey, when did this air, anyway? I don’t feel like looking up.

That closes out another Space Ghost Week. We’ve only got one more Space Ghost Week for classic Ghost, then I’ll probably do another one covering the dreaded GameTap episodes. Until next time, uh… I can’t think of a Space Ghost reference to put here. Oh well.

*I have not grown up. **I have not changed.

MAIL BAG

Tonight we resume our Adult Swim programming. Yippee! Here are a bunch of SG Mail Bags:

it's a line from the smash hit mario movie. don't read the trades much, do ya?

I’m afraid I don’t believe you that Merrill Markoe’s dead dog Lewis is in the Mario Movie and that they say “Lewis Lectures here we come!”. I’m willing to be wrong about this, though.

its hard to explain how cool kevin smith was to people who were too old or too young to be there.

He’s simply too weird for words nowadays. But man, the run of Clerks, Mallrats, and Chasing Amy was gigantic if you were an easily-impressed teenager who liked indie movies in the 1990s. I sorta admire him for trying new-ish things after that though. I Stan Tusk.

Meeting!

(doing the three stooges “hello” thing) (Jason Mewes, revealed to be napping at Kevin Smith’s feet during his Space Ghost interview) “heh-leoh”

any tips for anyone looking into getting into space ghost?

I can see how it might be tough getting to Space Ghost; especially since younger people might not be able to latch onto it for various reasons. Saying to check out episodes based on the guests can backfire, and I’m sure some viewers consider all the guests to be impossibly ancient.

I got into Space Ghost by seeing whatever episodes were on randomly. References to other episodes would pique my interest and they’d pay off later when I finally got to them.

At some point I’ll probably produce a list of best episodes of Space Ghost, but I won’t right now. You could do worse just finding random “best episodes” lists or sorting one on IMDB.

If you’re the type of person who compulsively starts with a full chronological watch-through regardless of the advice you receive saying to do otherwise, I’d say do this: get whatever you can get your hands on (DVDs, torrent, streaming [it’s getting yanked from HBOMax soon]) and just go with that even if it’s missing stuff. Fill in the gaps later. Please know that the early episodes might not be the funniest things ever, but this is also one of the rare comedies that actually gets funnier as it goes along. There’s going to be references you don’t get, There’s still stuff about the show I don’t understand, either. 

This might be unorthodox but: Maybe watch the episodes or seasons in backwards order? That’s actually probably a very good idea. Okay, yeah, actually, just do that.

[whoistorii]

Batfam and what adult cartoons I they would watch-

Dick- def related to Moral Oral. A little boy with a verbaly abusive father???? a family falling apart???? Unpacking trauma and kids living up to, and past their parents?? a whole town of people with their own problems acting like they're perfect and never do anything wrong?? Dick probably ate that shit up! He probably thought everyone related to it so heavily until Donna tricked him into talking about his problems out loud and he realized he was in fact not normal.

Jason- Tuca and Bertie, it's a more real and mostly feel good show, with a underling feminist meaning. He probably really likes Tuca thinking she's really cool and a outstanding character with great development. He definitely made Roy watch it before patrols. Roy probably cares less about the show and cares more about watching something with Jason. (Roy probably likes Aqua team hunger force and Southpark mans is a hillbilly in and out) Jay def quotes the show almost religiously.

Tim- probably loves Family Guy, he's the kinda guy to explain every joke and act as if it's modern day art and noone knows if he's being ironic or not. His fav character is Meg. When he gets mad at Kon (or just to fuck with him) he explains episodes of the show in morbid detail and Kon probably crys. He tried doing it with Cassie and instead of cowering like Kon she started explaining how the show was modern philosophy, and in that moment he had to rethink if he was in love with another one of his best friends.

Stephanie- She likes Southpark but she only likes it for the characters, her favorites gags being the ones in earlier seasons where the kids misunderstand things cuz yk there kids. Her favorites usually be Wendy or Butters. She thinks it's really good satire 75% of the time but her favorite episodes are probably more character driven ones, or any with Butters as a lead.

Cass- Happy Tree Friends, she didn't know much English when she came to the manor so slap stick humor with cute little animals, she loved it!! Everyone else thought it would have a negative effect on her, but she thought it was just cute and wholesome because the characters never stayed dead and always came back. And that feeling of missing object permanence, and actions always being undone and going back to the status quo made her feel better. She now knows it's really dark and very controversial, but the layout of every episode being almost the same makes her feel in control and she still goes back and rewatches her favorite episodes after a bad day. Also she enjoys the looks she gets when she states it as her favorite show.

Damian- thinks that all the shows above are very stupid and childish and he will only watches animes, thought I would imagine most of them do get pretty dark. He never lets anyone know this ofc, only Dick and maybe Steph knew the truth. He talks a big game about hating animated content but it's all bs. He watches Rom with Steph, and the heavy gore shit with Dick (tho in all honesty he wishes Dami would find something else to watch, he just goes along with it to hang out with the kid.) Damian probably also watched like terribly bad animes with Stephanie.

Bruce- BoJack Horsemen is a story about a middle aged man who knows he needs to change but never dose, He had a tragic backstory and continues hurting everyone around him, Being stuck in a self cycle of hurting himself and loved ones. Bruce probably sobbed multiple times while watching the show. And probably called Dick like nine times telling dick how great it was. (Probably taking awhile to see why Dick suggested it to him.) Eventually I imagine the show helps him realize he needs a more healthy relationship with himself and the people around him. Probably quoting the show for helping him realize his self toxic traits.

[bigskydreaming]

Hi, I was reading your post about Jason punching Dick in the face when Dick revealed he fake his death was bullshit ( which it was) and it reminded me of an issue/question that has bothered me for sometime.

Why did people believe Dick was actually dead?

I’m not the most avid comic reader so maybe I missed something but it was always weird to me that everyone just accepted this especially given how Bruce was acting or should I say wasn’t acting.

This is a man when his child died another child had to come along and told him sir you are being too violent and emotional you need supervision. When his other child died he went all over the universe to bring him back to life because he knew it was possible ( which was happening at the same time), so why didn’t anyone think it was weird he wasn’t doing that for Dick. Can you imagine Dick really dying that soon after Damian it would be injustice Batman Version. You are telling me that Tim, Jason or Barbara didn’t think it was weird that Bruce didn’t also bring Dick’s corpse to the bring Damian back to life mission or mention it to themselves. Like what more likely Dick dead and Bruce is handling it well or that he fake his death to do something stupid and Dangerous after his partner/brother/ little bit my son the feelings are complicated died after he was knocked out and woke up to his corpse.

Oh man, this is like, the entire nature of my beef?

(Slight derail just to emphasize the fact real quick that Dick DID actually die, he was just revived quickly, but like, the trauma of his death was very real and its not like anyone was clued into Luthor having a resurrection backdoor built into his literal murder of Dick in the actual moment of it happening. So Dick’s death wasn’t fake, and additionally, he didn’t have anything to do with like, telling people about it, because he was literally comatose in the cave and recovering while Bruce was telling people....by the time Dick woke up in the cave, we already know that Alfred at least had already been convinced by Bruce that Dick was dead, so I have a kneejerk need to pushback against the Dick faked his death narrative by reminding people wherever possible that Dick had no agency in the spreading of that narrative. 

It happened without him being involved, and the only actual contribution he ever made to it was just not revealing he was alive before Grayson #12, after Bruce like.....emotionally, mentally and physically badgered him into accepting that doing so would be directly harmful to his family and he didn’t want to be the reason more people died when like, people had just died because he ‘let’ himself be captured and interrogated by Power Woman’s Lasso of Submission, did he?

SORRY TO BE PEDANTIC, just wanted to start this off on a clarification, even though I know the aim of your ask was very much in tune with the rest of my response. A lot of people don’t read the actual comics, so like, I’m never gonna skip over an opportunity to emphasize that the shorthand people use to refer to Dick’s death and the year he was with Spyral, is like, literally just shorthand for describing it. Its not actually an accurate description of how all that went down and who had the most hand in it).

BUT ANYWAY. BACK TO THE MEAT OF THE BEEF.

Okay so like, not only was the entire family and Bruce himself giving Dick shit for his death and Spyral, like, PAINFULLY egregious because it was literal victim blaming in every possible sense of the word....

None of it made a LICK of sense with ANY of their characterizations, and they ONLY all accepted it on face value because the Plot Demanded It, and when you're like, no, as a reader I say The Plot Demanded It is not a good enough reason for me to be like well sure, that makes sense......looking at the characters ACTUAL actions at face value pretty much just makes them all look like assholes?

Like, Tim has never gracefully accepted anyone's death. Ever. This is core characterization for him. He will go to the ends of the earth for his loved ones and to bring them back, prove they're not dead, refuse to let death be the final verdict for them. He was tempted to use the Lazarus Pit to bring his parents back to life. He refused to accept Bruce was dead long before he had any proof whatsoever of that theory. He tried to clone his BFF/future-husband Kon in his fucking basement like, dude was two whole inches away from going Full Dark Side in his quest to bring back a lost loved one no matter WHAT the cost.....and then you've got Dick unmasked onscreen, killed offscreen, and Bruce then reporting to the rest of them with zero inflection 'oh Dick's dead now. Its very sad' and Tim's just like, sure. Sounds legit.

I mean?!?!

And you're SO RIGHT ABOUT THE DAMIAN THING! Bruce LITERALLY LITERALLY LITERALLY went BEYOND the ends of the Earth, like, he full on chartered a fucking space ship to fly his whole family out to APOKOLIPS to bring Damian back from the dead by going to EXTREME lengths.....WHILE everyone else thought Dick was dead....

And not a single person looked at Bruce and was like, okay, not that we're not down to do this for Damian because we miss Stabby Smurf something fierce ourselves, but.....what the fuck is UP with you dude? Why aren't you displaying ANY hint of this same kind of energy in regards to your eldest son that you said you watched die right in front of you?

Like....I don't know that we were actually ever told that Dick's coffin was empty or had a fake in it, but like....this family of detectives who refuse to accept death, defy death, COME BACK FROM THE DEAD....not a single one of them said like, okay, if I'm gonna like, ACCEPT accept that Dick is dead and gone for good, I need to at least just see him one last time? That's literally all it would have taken for someone to realize hey something's a little wonky here. Where's the dead body, Pops?

Since when has Jason ever missed an opportunity to prove Bruce is a) full of shit, b) acting like an emotionless robot and all his kids deserve better especially when they've just like....died, c) just factually incorrect and wrong and jumped to a conclusion before it was conclusively proved, d) lying like a liar or e) all of the above?

Nobody even ASKED if Dick's body could be put in a Lazarus Pit? Yeah, Jason wouldn't necessarily recommend it himself, given what it put him through, but actually fuck that, I take that back, because I'm NOT actually of the opinion that Jason full on hates his life and actively spends every second of every day wishing he hadn't been resurrected, even if it had come with a huge buffet of additional trauma and pain.

And that's kinda what's implied when people just take it for granted that he would never be on board with any scenario involving using a Lazarus Pit to bring Dick back, because it suggests that based even just on his own experiences and feelings, he honestly believes Dick would prefer being dead and not have ANY further opportunities to be with his loved ones, his friends, help save the damn world again at some future point.....that Jason, projecting based just off himself, legit feels Dick would rather be dead than have another shot at life even WITH the downsides of Lazarus Pit usage? Nope. Sorry, I don't buy it.

Speaking of not buying it.....you know what was missing from all those soliloquies the others monologued at Dick about how they felt and were hurt and just devastated by his death, to such a point they can't seem to muster a single shred of happiness that he's NOT dead still -

(seriously, Damian was the ONLY person in ALL THE LANDS OF EMOTION-HAVING who expressed ANY kind of positive reaction to having Dick back. We were so fucking cheated of like.....ANY opportunity to have the characters show just how much they valued him by just being fucking HAPPY he was alive, no matter what else was involved....and then most of fandom compounded that by for years being like mmmm, no, Dick didn't get yelled at enough by his family for what HE put THEM through. Needs more yelling. More punching too. Bad Dick. Bad. This is the only way you'll learn not to die and get shipped off on a mission that you don't want but at least is to protect your family after being beaten into it by your dad whilst victim blaming you for dying in the first place. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN TO THINK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE AND THEIR FEELINGS FOR A CHANGE, DICK?!?)

- But like, BUT I DIGRESS aside....you know what was missing from all those monologues about how hard DICK'S death and ensuing year of basically exile from his loved ones was for EVERYONE BUT HIM?

We never got a single line of explanation as to what everyone else officially thinks even happened to him in the first place?

Like, did Bruce straight up just say oh bad news kids, your brother umm. Expired. Spontaneously. There's no one to blame, he just keeled over, its all very sad.

Is that how that went down?

You're telling me that the explanation of Dick's death didn't come with a single pointed finger at someone for this family of blame-happy vigilantes to like, BLAME for the loss of this brother they all mourned oh so much, they just couldn't help but blame him for all the hurt it caused them?

The family that in every other fic is like OBSESSED with avenging and being avenged and all things vengeful and even tangentially vengeance-y....like didn't ask for a single detail on whomst the fuck deprived us of our brother-having?

Where were the attempts on Luthor's life by Jason (who I mean, yeah I know it was in a previous continuity, but erasing that timeline doesn't erase my awareness of the time Dick killed Jason's murderer so like.....mmm, just saying, woulda been nice)....where was the rage directed at the Crime Syndicate and references to how seriously and personally the Batfam took making sure that they were PUNISHED for all this and would never be free to wreak havoc on their world or their family again? What did they tell Damian when he came back to life, and how are you going to tell me that this fraternal little ball of fury didn't aim himself like a cannonball at whomever the fuck had DARED take HIS Batman from him when Damian wasn't around to have his back?

Not only does everyone else's desire to be avenged start falling really flat the second you factor in hey maybe Dick feels "mmm what about MY avenging" sometimes, and why doesn't anyone ever care about doing that for him.....but also, y'know what REALLY sucks about the ONLY person we actually SEE being blamed for Dick's death and ensuing absence being like....Dick himself?

Not only were his family all super keen on making all of this HIS fault and HIM the bad guy because of how it made them all feeeeeeel (and meanwhile fuck his feelings, am I right Batfam hfaklshfklahfkla).....

They somehow found a way to justify prioritizing this OVER ever even getting around to blaming some villain for his death in the FIRST place, in the entire year or so they thought he was still dead!

Like, you couldn't come up with a single target in all that time, but Dick's back two seconds, and you don't even give him a chance to EXPLAIN before you're punching him, shutting him down with 'I expected better from you' and turning away with 'I don't want to hear it, why am I surprised Dick Grayson disappointed me again'?

afshklfhalfhalfhla

Make it make sense!

And like, it won't, cuz it doesn't, and it never will, and like I said at the top, the ONLY reason it all played out this way is because DC doesn't give a fuck about character development and deemed it necessary to go down this way for the sake of the plot (which was totes worth it, I mean, glad we sacrificed characters for this A+ plot which was clearly the greatest plot of all time and definitely justified every story choice made or not made around it loooool).

BUT.

BUT BUT BUT.

The problem isn't JUST that DC is stupid, even though that is an eternal mood and quite the problem.

Its that the SECOND large parts of fandom decided to play along with DC and just accept the story at face value, only add to it and play into it exactly as it happened in canon with no significant deviations, and like, heaping on the LITERAL abuse from Dick's siblings while ignoring the LITERAL abuse from his father....

THAT....is when all of this becomes relevant.

Because the second people decided TO engage with the reasoning DC gave for what Bruce did and how and what Dick did and how and just not mess with any of that and have it all play out exactly like that...

The second people are like, okay we're FINE with not just dismissing this story as OOC writing that doesn't make any sense, and actually VALIDATING it to various degrees by engaging with it as is....

That's when 'OOC writing' stops being an excuse or explanation for alllll of the above gaps in character logic and actions.

Because its like, when you had abundant chance to REJECT this story and say nope, this was bullshit from start to finish and I'm not here for it, when you were just as capable of transforming literally ANY aspect of this story you didn't like into something that made more sense to you....

And you chose not to.

That's.....accepting it as valid writing. You were like, okay, I'm game to just treat this as a thing that happened, just like they said that happened.

For the chance to give Dick shit for it, see. For the angst, see.

And that's when I'm like okay cool, so when engaging with this story as is and accepting it on face value and just delving into the characters as they were SHOWN interacting with and around these events......for the angst or whatever....

You guys just all decided en masse to just hop, skip and jump over allllllllll the opportunities for angst inherent in examining even ANY SINGLE ONE of the above lapses in judgment or hypocrisy on the parts of the characters (who don't get to be excused by OOC writing if you're not going to call the story an example of OOC writing, whoops).

And its just like, uh, what's up with that?

[spacedace]

Oh Elle absolutely plays up the ominous angle 😂 Everyone in Clone Club pretty much instinctively knows she’s chill the second they meet her (she gives off an aura of safety and care to clones and wouldn't turn that off even if she could) but to living people who *aren't* clones? She's kinda terrifying.

Like she plays it up a bit for the chaos, but she *is* the Crown Princess of the Infinite Realms along with a few other epitaphs she’s been given over the years like Daughter of Chaos and Ceaseless Traveller (the first because she and Danny are Chaos Gremlins and the second because her first and true obsession will always be going out and exploring) and names have *power* when it comes to the Infinite Realms and the entities that live there.

So Tim sees her and she *looks* like a human girl (for the most part) but she also just has *vibes* about her that are deeply unsettling.

Whenever he gets too close to her he hears voices in languages he doesn't speak (all the friends Elle has made during her traveling) and feels a growing compulsion to just do the first thing that pops into his mind and not think the consequences through (to be fair to Elle, the Daughter of Chaos title really only effects people like that if they're naturally a little chaotic at heart, and the impulses she brings out in people like that are never dangerous. The biggest thing she’s nearly caused Tim to do while standing too close to her was run over and kiss Kon stupid and honestly that kind of chaos would be good for the both of them).

The point is she has *vibes* and Tim is convinced she is the one responsible for Kon's amnesia and that she for sure is planning world domination and to use Kon to do her dirty work for her. He didn't doubt that it wouldn’t be too long before she tried brain washing him too.

But then Kon hesitantly asks Tim if they really did know each other before, and could Tim tell him about the past he's forgotten (and that boy that Kon was in love with that Tim can't tell him anything about because he didn't *know* Kon never told him and he thought before that maybe there was something between them but he was *wrong* because Kon was actually madly in love with someone else and-) they've been trying everything with no luck.

So Tim starts telling him everything, and he'd like to do it in private but Kon said he was fine where they were in the dining hall and that everyone else was curious too (more fuel for his suspicions, the Princess of the Dead and her court of living breathing people all so loyal to her, all staying close to see what Tim says, to stop him from saying the wrong thing undoubtedly).

But then...

"Nah man, that's like, *the* most common backstory around here."

"Good 60% of us were made to kill our original by their arch nemisis."

"It’s honestly a cliche at this point."

"It’s cool you're a mix of both of them though, I think Elle's the only other one here right now that has that."

Kon nodded with that last statement, grinning at the Princess of the Dead as she drifted over and they shared a high five and huh.

Tim glanced over the group huddled around them, taking in their reactions. Where...where they *all* clones? And the Princess - Elle - they said that *she* was a clone too, with a similar story to Kon's - though he had *questions* on how exactly that worked.

He may have misjudged just what Elle's intentions were in bringing Kon here after all.

Had some more random ideas for the Accidentally God Queen of Clones Elle and her Amnesiac Knight Champion Kon AU (which really is a prompt a swear, ignore all the details/too many ideas I don't know enough about DC to be able to write this, so I'd anyone sees anything they like in any of this go wild ❤️)

- Tim doesn't take his mask off while in Elle's lair so Kon doesn't put together the fact that Tim is the mystery boy he kinda remembers. Leading to Kon saying that he hopes to one day find the boy he was in love with while Tim is trying to help him get his memories back, which then has Tim spiraling that Kon had a secret boyfriend that he never told Tim about before going missing.

- Elle and the rest of the Clone Club realizing immediately that Tim has to be The Guy and deciding to run with this chance for chaos and matchmaking. They lie about being able to send Tim back immediately and that he's gonna have to stay for awhile, but hey he can room with Kon! Ignore the fact that there are hundreds of rooms in this place, Kon has a big bed and is great at snuggles!

- When Kon became Elle's Knight, he started getting trained by Fright Knight & Pandora. He gets really good at fighting with just about every weapon (baring firearms) imaginable as a result.

- Fright Knight also insisted on teaching Kon all the other stuff outside of fighting a knight must know including the code of chivalry and the "Seven Points of Agilities" which sounded fine to Kon (learning how to ride horses/Night Mares and how to joust were both cool & expected) up until he was learning how to waltz with the giant ghost of fear as his partner. And don't get him started on having to both be able to recite and write love poetry (Elle, at least had fun, though that really came from laughing at his expense).

- He has tattoos now, some sentimental or just because he likes them, but he also has an ornate sword going down his back, and a shield split across both firearms that appears whole when he holds them together. The sword and shield are actually his (magical/ghost made) weapons that disappear from his skin when he summons them and return when he's done with them.

- Baddass and beautiful ornate (but practical and very comfortable!) Knight armor! It has filigree! And a cape!

- Instead of his sword sending people to the Nightmare Dimension, instead his shield can reflect attacks back at people (it's made to be used for ectoplasm based attacks, but can be used to deflect lazers).

- When Kon surrenders to the Justice Leage, he is wearing his armor, though sans helmet (which Pandora & Fright Knight are gonna kill him for later, helmets being a key features in the whole not dying portion of fighting has been something they've been yelling at him about for ages) and seeing Kon in ethereal knightly armor makes Tim bluescreen for a bit because damn.

- Kon falling in love with Tim and feeling conflicted because his mystery boy is out there somewhere, while Tim is just agonizing over the fact that Kon never told him about mystery boy and oh god did Kon not trust him with that?

- Elle gets Fright Knight in on the match making by telling him it'd be a good way for Kon to practice chivalry. Fright Knight takes this as an opportunity to make Kon recite his bad poetry (written about Tim both in terms of Kon writing about mystery boy and writing about Red Robin). It's truly awful. Tim loves it.

[suzukiblu]

Ko-fi thank-you sentences for Lux; Kon is too trans for this pregnancy shit. TW: internalized transphobia.

“I’m sorry,” Kon says, voice painfully tight and this close to cracking. “I didn’t–I was gonna–”

He was gonna . . . what, exactly? Tell Clark? Because actually, no, he really wasn’t. He was never going to. 

He never would’ve, if he’d had the choice. 

“Talk to me, Kon,” Clark says, gentling his grip on his wrist and stepping in closer. Kon feels nauseous. Feels weak and stupid and like the worst fucking person he could possibly be. Feels like a fake. 

Like a liar. 

He’s always, always been a liar. He was born one. 

“I’m not a real guy,” he manages, digging his fingers into his arm. “I mean–Cadmus made me wrong. Like, they fucked up and I–I came out wrong. So I’m . . .” 

“When you say not ‘real’ . . .” Clark trails off, just barely frowning. Kon ducks his head. Stares down at the blurry dirt. Doesn’t fucking cry, because he’s not that pathetic.

He’ll cry when Clark can’t see him being pathetic. 

“I mean I’m trans,” he says. “I just–I’ve got, you know . . . I’m pre-op, or whatever. So I can still–so I’m pregnant.” 

Does Clark even know what the fuck “pre-op” actually means? He’s a smart guy, he knows a lot of shit; he must, right? He’s got the eidetic memory thing going for him, if nothing else. And it’s, like . . . kind of intuitive anyway, right? 

God, he doesn’t want to talk about this. He doesn’t want to have ever had to talk about this. Why does he have to talk about this? 

“Okay,” Clark says, his own voice a little tight now. He doesn’t let go of Kon’s wrist. “Kon. That’s not–that doesn’t make you not a ‘real’ man. Not to anyone who matters. Certainly not to me.” 

“I’m pregnant,” Kon says bitterly, choking on the words. “I didn’t–I’m not–I’m not a real man. I’m not–I’m just this fucking fucked-up idiot who can’t even use fucking birth control right!” 

“I can take you to the Fortress. Get either prenatal care or an abortion set up for you. No one you don’t want to tell would have to know either way,” Clark says very, very gently, and alright, apparently Kon is going to be pathetic enough to cry in front of him, he realizes as his eyes start burning with definitely-not-heat-vision. “As far as I’m concerned you can stay up there ‘til they’re born, if you want. Just tell everyone they’re a binary clone too, or that I let you use the birthing matrix to make them.” 

Kon is going to do a lot worse than just cry a little, actually. 

He can’t even say anything to that offer. He just bursts into helpless, body-wracking sobs, and Clark wraps him up in his arms and tucks his face into his shoulder as he strokes his back. 

Kon doesn’t know how he feels about the fact that both of the people he’s told about this so far have offered to lie for him about it. 

Instead of getting mad at him for lying about it, he means.

[bluebeetle]

Like... TimKon is very funny to me because it is not inherently bad... it is just that almost everything that was Tim and Kon is almost always from Kon's worst times and the most distanced Kon is from Tim the better his writing has been.

It turkey does not help that this is attached to Tim Drake, whitest cunt in Gotham, who should be sent to the Sun so Damian can be back full time as the main Robin instead of Tim being so focused on him peaking as a teen... also, TimKon is almost always tied to fanon Tim which is...

Anyway, what are your thoughts on Dark Crisis YJ? I think it is s wild book but not a bad message on how the YJ girlies... they need to fucking let go of YJ.

I think everyone needs to read Superboy (2010).

theres nothing wrong w/ it in theory i just think tim's kind of an asshole sometimes w/o writers realising it and he really ends up bringing things down by accident. so agreed on the writing thing.

also part of my hatred for it and tim comes from just fanon stuff. i try to separate fanon from my enjoyment of canon ut its SOOO hard when its so inescapable.... so prevelant and bland... tim esp has that kind of stuff seep into the story where writers clearly favour him and want to make it clear by hoisting him over all his friends and damian and jason and stuff. so. it sucks. so yeah fanon tim is so bad my friend and i have a half-joke about tim doing adderall and cocaine and kickflipping over the sad puddle of tears that is fanon tim bc we think its funny how much fanon tim sucks.

agreed tho!!! tim needs to STOP being robin like right now please. ill even take Drake as stupid as that was. also let tim age if ur gonna keep aging up damian im begging you DC.

i have the three issues out rn in my bag as we speak but. i have not read them yet. oops. i have been meaning too but!! i got them bc there was two variant covers i rly wanted as well (since anita was on issue 1 and i miss her ): and then thad is on the bart cover for issue 3).

ill get back to you maybe on that but yeah.. i like yj i own several trades of it. its fun! but sometimes its like. guys it been almost 30 years.... let them grow. also bart, cassie, and kon all existed independant of tim and sometimes tim stans forget this i think. they have other friends!! i do love the four of 'em but sometimes it feels like people treat it like Tim and His Three Sidekicks.

agreed

[imaratsostfu]

okay okay okay okay

okayokayokayokayokayokayokayokayokay

i have 2 things i want to say; 1 how much my (sad) headcanons relate to these two fishes and 2 COREYS FEELINGS *awwwh*

this is very corney haha get it im so hilarious BUT U HAVE BEEN WARNED

shark tale… shananiagans (idk how to spell it im not 7 years old im just dumb)

yk that one tiktok audio where the purple fish goes “WOULD SHE LOVE U IF U WERE NOBODY” and that whole drama scene where she’s just pouring her heart out to this will smith fish

uh yeah thats like what i imagine would happened between her and corey cus like angst and stuff

it would most likely be (in simple dumb form)

- grojband gets famous, everyone gets personal fans yada yada

- girl falls for corey JUST bc hes famous

- corey and girl date, lanes feels jealous and stupid for falling for his dumbass for years and thinking he’ll ever choose her

- in an argument she pours her heart out like puke

- he realises in that instant all HIS OWN feelings for her

- happily ever after and junk

and now for his f e e l i n g s

now we all know corey is an airhead dumbass but i wanna talk about and possibly prove some peoples opinions wrong about his feelings for lanes

1. since coreys an idiot he could possibly not even know he has feelings for her like how in multiple episodes he only boops HER nose and bear hugs HER liiikkkkkeeeeeeeeeeeeee you cant tell me he doesnt have some sort of feelings for her

2. theKISSS i couldnt i just couldnt i nearly threw up watching it bc it was so cute and beautiful HIS REACTION BRUH HES SO DUMB BUT LIKE HIS SUBCONSCIOUS OR AOMETHING DEFINITELY WAITED FOR THAT DAY UGH

3. the last episode, omg i could talk about this for days YOU CANNOT TELL ME HE WAS NOT JUST SUBCONSCIOUSLY TELLING HER HIS FEELINGS?!!?!! LIKE WHERE DID THAT COME FROM COREY??? AND KIN AND KONS REACTION??????????? THEY WOULD 100% SUPPORT THEM IF THEY DID ACTUALLY START DATING

JUST THEIR ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND CUTE

ANYWAY THIS IS DUMB I DONT KNOW WHY IM FIXATING ON A CARTOON TV SHOW THAT WAS CANCELLED YEARS AGO

[americasmarauders]

Hey Luiza!! Ok so I don’t know if this is too big of an ask BUT would you maybe consider, if you’re comfortable with it, writing up (from prompt list 1) #24 that leads into #11 with Tim Drake?

author's note: has this been sitting in my ask box for, what, 4 months? yes it has. I'm deeply sorry for that, love, but suddenly life got in that way, and I found myself unmotivated and uninspired. But now, hopefully, I'll have a couple of weeks of peace and I managed to complete this request. I hope you don't mind, but I put my own spin on the prompts, slightly altering them. Hopefuly it's up to par with what you expected. I re-worked an old draft of mine, one that was supposed to be a royal!au based on Love Story by Taylor Swift, to fit the prompts. It's still a royal!au and it still has some colors of Taylor Swift, nevertheless I hope you like it.

prompts: #24: banter in which one of them’s like… “i love you” and the other person’s like “ok” and the first one’s like “say it back” and the other one’s just like “no 😝” and the first one gets frustrated because “why wouldn’t you say it back we always say i love you before we leave”

#11: when one of them is hurt by the antagonist… and their lover goes… absolutely ballistic and does everything in their power to get to the person they love, to the point in which the antagonist and it’s crew have to physically restrain them… and it still doesn’t stop them… they just keep kicking… doesn’t matter what happens to them… doesn’t matter if they get beaten in the process… as long as their lover is safe… words: 3,982

masterlist

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She leaned to the railing of the balcony, summer air gently brushing on her skirt and her skin, a small smile playing at her lips. Her hands fidgeted nervously as she waited for her love to encounter her in that abandoned corner of her family’s palace.

A sigh escaped her lips as she attentively listened to the noises around her. The rumble of the party could still be heard, even if faintly. There were barely any rounds in that part of the castle, especially with the big ball her father had decided to throw. She had millimetrically chosen that balcony: something far enough from the ballroom, so they wouldn’t be bothered, but not too far in case they got caught. She could see the moon clearly from where she stood, its light illuminating the fountain down below beautifully. She thought about how his eyes would be beautiful under the Moon’s light and her heart fluttered.

She had been warned about the Waynes, mostly by her adoptive Father, who wasn’t exactly a fan of Bruce Wayne, King of Gotham. Their relationship was civil, but it wasn’t safe from animosities, many that had happened in their past, when both were still young princes trying to get their bearings of their upcoming roles. A war was brewing back then, a war that had not ended as of yet, and she remembered her Father telling her how palpable the tension in the air was, how exasperated his mentor was that he was as prepared to be a king both militarily and educationally. She only imagined King Bruce’s mentor felt the same.

Unfortunately, the antipathy extended to the plethora of adopted children King Bruce had. Her father always spoke of them with a corner of disdain, his lips twisting into a frown. He had to have contact with them, the trades of their kingdom depended on Gotham a whole lot, but he had shielded his children from the Wayne kids. When she was smaller, when she had just arrived in the castle fresh from the streets, she had believed every word from her Father. She had stayed away from them, actively avoiding them when she saw a pair of raven hair and bright eyes looking in her direction. When she grew up, she stopped thinking about dodging their attention so attentively, but still stayed out of their way, not wanting to get on her Father’s bad side.

The way she saw it, she didn’t exactly mess with the Waynes, in fact it was the other way around. Tim had stumbled onto her life, and he had been quite persistent, in spite of her trying to be cold towards him. He knew she really couldn’t resist him somehow, he always knew more than he ever let on, he saw the way she smiled when he’d pass through her on a stupid ball his Father threw for whatever reason. She pretended to not see him, to not feel his smile etched into her brain forever.

Tim managed to crawl his way to her heart and now she couldn’t imagine a life without his clever remarks and easy going smile. She remembered vividly when they danced for the first time. He had asked her, the first time he’d even whispered anything to her. It was like every eye was on her while she was hesitating to grab his hand. Her eyes flickered to his face, his smile faltered for a second. She remembered feeling her heart tightening at his deflation, and grabbed his hand immediately after.

His grip tightened on her hand, his smile firm and reassuring. She felt herself tense when they finally arrived on the dance floor, his other hand respectfully laying on her back. He whispered to her gently, begging to not let her eyes drift away from his. She listened to him, her heart beating fast, a mix of anxiety and something else, something better and new. He made snide comments about the people present at the Wayne ball, making laughter bubble underneath her skin. He had vanquished her nerves with a smile and bright eyes.

Hands slipped on her middle, hugging from behind. Tim’s scent flooded her, a smile blooming on her face. She moved to turn in his arms to face him, his hands allowing her movement. He was classically handsome, his blue eyes accentuated by the moonlight, sending butterflies to her entire being. His smile floored her, her hands finding his face, caressing lightly his cheeks.

“No one saw you?” she whispered, her forehead leaning on his, her breath mingling with his.

“No,” he shook his head, his forehead grazing on hers. His hands cradled her face, his eyes closed. “You look breathtaking tonight,” his voice was steady and precise.

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” she smirked, her hands falling to his shoulders delicately. Her eyes were filled with an inexplicable love, something that consumed her wholly. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” his lips ghosted over hers, tempting her to close the tiny gap between them. She chased the smile growing on her lips, closing the space between them and interlocking their lips. Tim had promptly responded to her kiss with a gentleness only he was capable of, kindness that made something inside her explode.

She rested her forehead on his, looking deep into his moonlit eyes with an adoration that couldn’t be contained by the vessel of her body anymore. Her heart felt calm again, next to him it was like every cell of her body was finally settling into some level of tranquility. The sinking hole she felt when he was miles away back in his kingdom was rapidly filled when he smiled at her and rested his hand on her cheek. The world was filled with screaming colors once again.

“I wish I didn’t have to leave you,” he confessed, his voice barely over a whisper, his hands cradling her face carefully.

“I know, Tim,” the whisper fled from her lips, “I feel the same, but we have to, we’ve talked about this.”

“I know,” a sigh escaped his lips, defeated and resigned. He took a step back, putting space between them. She immediately felt his absence, a coldness settling inside her. His elbows rested brutally on the railing of the balcony, his knuckles as tense as his jaw. She felt it in her bones that something was deeply wrong with him, something inside him had shifted. “We could run, you know?” he suggested, his eyes finding hers once again, full of hope. “I have a safe house far away, Kon helps me keep it. We could settle down there, live a calm life.”

“Where’s this coming from, Timmy?” she whispered, her eyes closed imagining the life Tim had laid out for her.

“I’m so tired, love,” his head shook from side to side, “I'm so tired of fighting, of briefing meetings and seeing innocents die. I don’t know if I can’t take it anymore.”

“I know,” her hands rested on top of his, “but, Tim, we can’t. We can’t leave everyone behind, this is bigger than us.”

“Why not?” his voice grew with a strong tone of anger. “I just want one thing, Y/N, one thing. I want to be able to love you, without all this weight on my back that I’ve been carrying ever since my parents handed me to Bruce when I was 12. I’m exhausted all the time, I miss you like I’m missing my own heart all the time. I can’t take this anymore.”

“Tim...” she started, her voice soft and understanding, but he quickly interrupted her.

“Marry me,” he turned to her abruptly, grabbing her hands tightly. Her mouth was agape, her heart beating out of her chest. “We can get married quietly at dawn, and then we’ll live at my safe house, we’ll make it a home.”

Her eyes flew crazily over his face, looking for any hint that he was playing a prank on her, pulling purposefully on the strings of her heart. His face didn’t betray any signs of any lies, her mouth got dry and her hands started to sweat. Her brain ran a thousand different scenarios, trying to grasp onto some hope that maybe what Tim had suggested to her might work. She found none.

She shook her head, her throat tightening up. “We can’t,” she whispered, her hands slipping from his. “It wouldn’t work, Timmy. We would be hunted down, we wouldn’t have peace at all. We’d have to live a life constantly running from our past.”

“So we’d do it,” he went to grab her hands again, but she didn’t let him, his hands grasping into summer air. “I can find other houses across the continent, I can make sure we are not found.”

Tears escaped her eyes, betraying her feelings to Tim. She shook her head, her arms crossing over her stomach. “No,” she whispered, “I can’t.”

“Hey,” his fingers lifted her chin, making her look at him, “penny for your thoughts?”

She couldn’t handle being touched by Tim, his touch poisoned her thoughts. If he touched her, she’d make a decision she’d regret, and she wouldn’t have that. “I can’t do it, Tim, I can’t leave everything behind.”

“It’s not going to be easy,” he started, “but we’ll make it.”

“You’re not understanding,” her voice showed the bubbling anger and fear inside her, “I can’t abandon everything like you’re suggesting, Tim. I can’t leave all those people who depend on me, all those families that expect me to show up and give them some comfort,” she sniffed, brushing off a couple of tears running on her cheeks. “If I leave, Tim, I’d be miserable.”

He took a step back at the brutality of her words. “You’d have me,” he whispered, “I’ll love you until the end of my days, I’d never let you be miserable.”

“It wouldn’t be enough,” she replied, her knuckles tight. “I love you, Tim, with everything in me, more than the number of stars in the Universe, but it wouldn’t be enough to cover the guilt I’d feel.”

He inhaled a sharp breath, his hands gripping the railings angrily. “I’m leaving to battle tomorrow,” he stated, his voice steady and impassive.

“I know,” a mutter left her lips.

“This is your last chance before I go,” he turned to her briskly, “please, run away with me.”

“No,” she shook her head, her voice barely a whisper.

Tim huffed and left, his footsteps heavy and angry. But it wasn’t that that had broken her heart. They always said ‘I love you’ when they had to say goodbye.

Tim hadn’t said ‘I love you’.

#

#

Out of everything Tim was expecting from his day -- to dying on the battlefield, to ending a war, the list was practically endless -- he hadn’t expected receiving the letter that was in his hands.

He didn’t even know Roy knew about them. He must have guessed, though, she told everything to Roy, she loved him deeply, a love he sometimes wished resembled the love he shared with his own brothers. But things in the Wayne household were different, more secretive and cold. Sometimes, Tim thought back on how different his life would have turned out if his parents hadn’t dropped him off at Wayne Manor to run. Maybe, he would have followed in his father’s footsteps and became a fine swordsmith, maybe worthy enough to work for the Wayne family like his father before him. Maybe, it would have happened what his parents feared the most: they would have run out of business, losing every penny they owned and living in poverty for the rest of their existence.

Tim was ultimately glad his parents had made that tough decision, he wouldn’t be a Prince if they hadn’t, he wouldn’t have met his soulmate if they hadn’t.

Her. He had royally screwed up with her, he shouldn’t have pushed her too far, he knew where she stood on the subject. But he felt his impatience grow inside of him, his frustrations got the better of him and soon he was blinded only by his undying love for her and the anger he felt at the world for failing him once again.

Tim hadn’t said ‘I love you’ to her when he left. It was that realisation that pained in his chest even now, as Jason handed him a foreign letter from Roy, her brother. It was that regret that flooded him when he read the rushed words scratched on paper, his heart picking up a beat as his eyes processed the fatalistic words presented to him.

He stood up briskly from his seat, ignoring Dick rambling about the strategy they were supposed to adopt to overturn their enemy. He heard some complaints, Bruce calling after him asking where he was going. Tim ignored, only capable of focusing on the letter and his last conversation with her, the things he did not say to her and the regret he felt on the things that had been said.

Tim didn’t have anything on him other than his sword and that cursed piece of paper, but he still made his way to the stables, overlooking the weird stares he received on the way. His horse was softly munching on some hay, unaware of the ride she was about to be put on. The letter found its way to Tim’s pocket hastily, as he put on his saddle on his mare, his jaw tight with emotion.

“So that’s it?” Tim heard, closing his eyes at the voice. “You’re just gonna march to Star City, because Roy sent you a letter?”

“It’s not that, Jason,” Tim muttered, hyper-focused on securing the saddle on his horse.

“I wish I could make you do shit that easily, I would’ve made you do my field notes ages ago,” Jason liked teasing his brother, Tim guessed it was because it was easy to get a reaction out of him.

“It’s not that,” he gritted through his clenched teeth, aggressively releasing the lock of the saddle. His mare complained at the gesture. Even her found a way to scold Tim.

“Then what is it? What’s more important in Star City than here, with your army, fighting for our people?” Jason cleared, watching the anger rise in Tim’s expression quickly and overwhelmingly.

Tim shook his head, not allowing his brother to have the satisfaction of gaining a reaction out of him. He promptly got up on his horse, gently guiding her towards the exit. Jason got in front of his horse, stopping the motion completely. “Get out of the way, Jason,” Tim’s voice was low and menacingly, “I won’t warn you a second time.”

“You don’t scare me, Timothy,” Jason scoffed at his brother’s attempt of intimidation. “Get over yourself, baby bird, you can’t scare me. Now, tell me, why such a rush?”

Tim’s eyes hovered on his brother’s face, looking down at him. The letter was fished out of his pocket and tossed to Jason. His brother caught it, and hastily read its contents. “So? If they needed help containing these rebels they wouldn’t have sent you a letter,” Jason argued, his hands motioning to his brother.

“Jason,” Tim softly said, “read it again.”

His brother looked at him weirdly and did as he said. His eyes moved more slowly now, taking in the words that had ripped Tim’s heart out of his chest. “Oh,” Jason muttered, looking up at his brother once again, “oh.”

“Get out of the way, please,” Tim begged, his voice breaking.

“What are you gonna do when you get there?” Jason asked, confused at his brother’s reaction. “It’s not like you have any medical expertise, Tim, you’re not going to be able to help her.”

“I don’t know, Jason, I just have to be there,” he responded, briskly. His voice was full of contained emotion, like if Tim mad one false step everything would overflow and he would inevitably break. “I can’t lose her, I just can’t.”

Jason sighed, one of his hands resting on the holster of his sword the other on his waist. It was like he was thinking everything through, analysing thousands of scenarios Tim couldn’t even fathom. Jason was the brother everyone underestimated. He was exceptionally strong and big, he had a knack for violence no other Wayne boy had, but he was an incredible strategist, maybe the best out of all of them.

He stepped out of the way not before saying “I’ll cover for you, but I can’t promise they won’t find out.”

With that Tim ran off, the wind whipping angrily at his hair, reflective of the storm inside himself.

#

#

Tim dismounted from his horse just outside the gates of her family’s castle. The guards looked at him suspiciously, as he strode proudly toward the gate that separated him and her. He eyed the guards with an austerity he reserved for a few occasions, he never liked making people feel inferior, but his morals were askew in light of the news weighing down his chest.

“I demand to be let in,” he ordered, his voice stern and tight.

The guard in front of him raised an eyebrow, appalled by Tim’s audacity. “And who might you be?”

“I’m Prince Tim, of Gotham, and I will get in the castle, so please move,” he gathered all the authority he could muster inside him, and spoke as if he was the monarch of that kingdom.

“I’m sorry, Your Highness, but you do not have authority here,” the guard shook his head, his hand sliding to his sword slowly. Tim took that as a sign of hostility, trying in a peacock kind of way to show he was the one with the upper hand in the situation.

Tim scoffed at the pathetic demonstration, jumping at the throat of the guard and slamming him to the wall behind him. “Listen here, I have been riding for the past 5 hours, I have not stopped once and, at this point, I’m fuelled by spite and anger,” his voice was low and threatening, and he could see fear rise in the guard’s eyes. He couldn’t scare Jason, but he could scare other people. “I’m not going to be stopped by some mid-level pathetic guard,” it was weird saying insulting things to other people. Tim rarely bad-mouthed, but at that moment it felt liberating.

“Tim,” he felt a hand rest on his shoulder, “release the guard.”

Tim looked over his shoulder, Roy standing there with a calm expression, something that contradicted the feeling in his eyes. Tim shoved the guard out of his hands, dropping them violently to his sides. Roy ordered a guard to take care of Tim’s mare, gently leading Tim inside the castle’s grounds.

“She’s been asking for you,” Roy stated, his voice elusive and calm. “No one understands why, but I do.”

“How is she?” the words that Tim was afraid of saying slipped past his lips. Asking how she was made everything that had happened to her, something he had just found out, incredibly real.

“Considering that she spent the past few days being held hostage, considerably well,” Roy conceded, rubbing his hands behind his back. “A bit bruised and shaken up. But, as far as I know, well.”

“Good,” Tim swallowed the lump inside his throat, relieved to hear what Roy had said. They walked down a straight hallway, something he guessed took them from the main gates to near where she was staying.

“She told me what happened between you,” Roy manifested, filling the awkward silence growing. “She’s been beating herself up for it.”

“It’s my fault,” Tim shook his head, “I shouldn’t have said anything, I already knew her answer, it was stupid.”

“It wasn’t, trust me, if I was in the same position as you, I would’ve probably done the same,” he shrugged, turning a sharp left, “probably worse.”

Tim laughed, humourlessly, at Roy’s comment. “Listen, kid, I get it, truly. But with this,” Roy waved his hands around, “sometimes, you gotta play the long game.”

“I hate the long game,” Tim muttered, like a little kid.

“No one said it was going to be easy,” Roy scolded him, like his brother would have done. “But if you truly love her, like you say you do, then play your cards right.”

They stopped, in front of a dirty pink door, Roy’s hands gripped the handle, a small smirk on his face. Tim straightened his posture, shedding the young brother façade he unwillingly slipped on and reverting to the young Prince ways. He took a deep breath, shuffling to organize his emotions inside his brain. Roy opened the door and pushed Tim inside the room, rapidly closing the door back up.

He had never been to her room, even of all those years of courting secretly, sneaking into dark hallways, and kissing under the moonlight. Her room had always felt off bounds to him, even if it had never been expressed as such. He slowly walked into the room further, watching how every corner had her imprint in it.

She was sitting by the window, the curtains opened, a soft summer breeze gently moving her hair out of her eyes. She only wore a simple gown, almost a nightgown, making Tim feel incredibly overdressed. There were bruises littered over her arms and neck, and he felt a mixture of anger and guilt bubble underneath his skin. He struggled to contain it, hoping the people that had done that to her were already six feet underneath the ground.

Her gaze flipped to him, and his stomach somersaulted inside him. She opened a shy smile, waving timidly for him to approach her. He walked calmly towards her, his hands behind his back fidgeting nervously. She got up from her seat, and stood waiting patiently for him.

“Hi,” he whispered, in front of her. His hands itched to touch her, bring her closer and cradle her as if she was the most precious and delicate thing in the world. To him, she was.

“Hi,” she looked down at the ground, her feet bare. “I’m so--”

“No,” he interrupted her, “don’t. I’m the one who should be sorry, I’m the one to blame.”

“Tim, you didn’t do anything.”

“I did everything,” he admitted, “I didn’t say ‘I love you’,” tears sprung to his eyes, ones that he had been trying to keep at bay for a long time. “I left and suddenly you were in danger and I wasn’t there to help you. All because I was stupidly proud and bitter and I--”

“Stop,” her hands found his face, her thumbs brushing carefully on his cheekbones. “It’s not your fault, you couldn’t have known. I certainly didn’t.”

“I should have…”

“No, Timmy, you’re just a man,” she took a step closer, her body hovering next to him warmly. It was like the ice that had settled on him instantly melted when she stepped next to him, “one that I love very much. But I made mistakes that night, and so did you. And it’s okay.”

He breathed right for the first time in days. The guilt he had been carrying like a cross on his back felt lighter, almost nonexistent. A smile made way to his face, albeit a timid one, and he grabbed her hands, the warmth she irradiated seeping into him. “I missed you.”

She smiled at him, a smile no longer free of hurt, but full of more meaning than before. “There was a question you asked that night,” she whispered, her breath mingling with his, “one I didn’t answer.”

“There was?”

“Yes,” she nodded, her nose brushing on his delicately. “Ask it again.”

“Are you sure?” Tim looked into her eyes, looking for a sign of uncertainty or regret.

“Just ask it.”

“Will you marry me?” he whispered, his lips brushing hers.

“Yes.”

#

#

[gothamstim]

True Self - chapter 1

So since after Batman: Urban Legends I couldn't stop thinking about what Oracle told Tim, and I wanted to give my interpretation with a story.

I neve truly wrote a fanfiction, so I tried now to write the first chapter to see if someone may appreciate my story. So, here we go, enjoy the absolute angst this is haha

Tim Drake was always up to analyse everything and everyone in his life. Analysing things made him feel in control, made him feel that he could make sure anything was handled. But Tim Drake never truly realised, up 'til one day, that he analyses everything and everyone but himself. He was starting to be aware that he suppressed any emotion, any thought about his life, to keep himself safe and in control. The suppression of feelings was common in the Wayne family for sure, starting from Bruce. But everyone in the batfam handled themselves always when it was necessary, not every minute of their life. Unfortunately, Tim always chose the last option. Why?

This has started when he had lost everyone he cared, one by one. He realised that he couldn't handle the pain, his grief. Emotions destroyed him, made him weak, vulnerable, made him lose control. So he tucked his feelings away.

But was "not feeling" enough for living? Or he was just barely surviving?

Even after Tim fortunately had again in his life the people he loved, he kept suppressing part of his true self. But what was his true self?

He was lost. He was so involved in saving the city, fixing everyone and helping them, that he gave away piece by piece the chance to really find out who he is, what he wants, up to this moment.

Tim felt pain in his heart, and felt an unpleasant sensation suffocate his mind and body. 'is it fear?' he thought.

Tim Drake was scared to analyse himself because he could find some things he didn't like about himself. Something to be scared of.

Perhaps he always knew what that was, but tried so strong to cancel those thoughts out of his mind that almost forgot what he was scared of.

A name always tucked to his heart, even when he lost his memories.

A name always came back to him.

A name he could never forget, no matter what.

Why? Why was that name so important to his heart? Why the innumerable feelings he suppressed always tried to break the walls he built around his heart when it came to that name?

Conner. Kon.

Suddenly, emotions bombarded the walls he built around himself.

What was that? Why did he had to feel this way for a person he always considered his best friend?

He liked girls. He HAD to like girls ONLY.

Not boys.

Why not? Was it wrong? Tim didn't know.

perhaps it was wong for HIM.

He thought that it was a truth that could destroy everything he achieved in his life. In particular his most important friendships. He couldn't do this to Conner. He would be disgusted, ashamed, for sure.

So, everytime he felt something, he tossed it away, like he was letting grow thorns around his heart. It hurted, but he was used to pain.

He won't let his stupid being ruin his life. Because it could only bring ruination, right?

For sure.

Involuntarily, a tear slipped from his control and made his way through his left cheek, touching the tip of his lip.

Was he really crying? Fear came back and tried to take control of him.

He had to be strong, he had to compose himself before any other emotion would surface.

He was sitting on a chair in the library of Wayne manor. But Tim didn't realise he was not alone anymore.

"Tim? Is something wrong? Are you okay?" the worried voice of the one and only Conner Kent came from the open window at his right. He was there, floating, and entered the room looking at Tim with a worried expression.

Tim gasped to have been caught by surprise and speak of the devil, it was his best friend.

Tim realised he couldn't speak so he raised up quickly from the chair, as it something burned him, and tried to leave the library. He had to get away from Kon, he wouldn't want him to see him like that.

"Tim!" Kon said, alarmed. Tim froze in place, startled by Conner's voice. Taking a breath, he turned toward him and tried his best to not show anything that slipped from his grasp a few moments before.

"What are you doing here?" he said, in a tone that sounded most accusingly as he expected. Conner raised his hands, like to reassure him and to apologize. "I'm sorry Tim, I didn't mean- I was not very far and I heard you sobbing and your heart beat so fast that I felt...like checking if you were okay"

"Well, I'm okay. Now if you would excuse me, I want to be alone"

Conner's face saddened hearing Tim using that cold tone to him.

Tim felt extremely guilty about it, but he needed space, and maybe being away from Conner for a few days would help him being in control of his emotions like he always did.

"You are evidently not, Tim. I won't force you to speak about what's troubling you, but just know that sometimes opening up to someone can make you feel better."

Tim's mouth involuntarily trembled. 'what is wrong with me? Am I really starting to lose control over myself?'

"I said I'm okay. You don't need to check on me everytime I breathe. Goodnight, Kon". Tim hated himself for how he was reacting, because he was angry with himself, not him.

Tim didn't see Kon's hurt expression. "Okay, I'm sorry then. Goodnight. I hope to see you tomorrow night at the birthday party. I'm coming with someone". And with that, he flied away.

The fucking party. It was Bart's birthday, and he invited of course the Young Justice and many other people. So Conner was going to bring someone to the party. Who? Him and Cassie Sandsmark didn't date since a long time. But Kon was always the crush of some girl. With his curly hair and undercut, his black leather jacket, the sunglasses, his tight red jeans, he always had admirers. Not mentioning his beautiful blue eyes, and his smile...

stop. STOP.

What was Tim doing? 'stop thinking about your best friend's goddamn smile' he cursed himself.

Tim closed his bedroom door and sighed. As if Bart heard his thoughts, Tim received a message from him:

22.17 (From: Bart) Hey yo Tim remember to bring someone to the party! See you tomorrow!!

The message was followed by too much emojis as always.

He didn't care, he would go to the party alone. And he won't think about Kon's companion. He won't think about Kon at all. He could do it. But as he was ready to go to sleep, sad and hurt blue eyes hurt by himself wodn't leave his mind. Another hear slipped from his eye, and he was sure he won't sleep at all.

[ectonurites]

for the character headcanons ask, tim or steph

i ended up doing both LMAO

so for Tim:


A (realistic headcanon): i will stand by this being realistic but TIM CONTINUING TO SKATEBOARD! like okay yes in canon he only used redboard like twice, and once he had his car back he didn’t really rely on it, but he put the time into learning how to and really enjoyed it! i think it would be fun to see him do it more and like i think steph could also skate with him (altho honestly she has more roller skate energy to me but they could still hang out at a skatepark together) i also have this idea for a fic im at some point going to write of Damian finding redboard and Tim being like ‘oh i can show u how to use that-‘ and him being like ‘NO i will do it on my own’ but eventually it becomes a whole bonding thing for them

B (hilarious): other people joke about this a lot but Tim skateboarding around Wayne Enterprises will NEVER cease to amuse me. just the general chaos of a seventeen year old in a power position like that. I think like Lucius and Tam would keep record of stupid shit he does (skateboarding in the office, Interesting fashion choices, the mountain of mugs and takeout containers that build on his desk, his use of glitter gel pens on official documents, threats to pull a seto kaiba and make WE’s primary goals be trading card related, etc) and make a lil scrapbook to give him on his 21st birthday or something when he’s like Slightly More of an adult

C (heart-crushing): Young Justice being Tim’s first friends he can feel real around that he doesn’t think are going to just be temporary. like... i’ve done a lot of rambling about Tim and again we know he’s a kid who grew up going from boarding school to boarding school, he could make friends easily enough but they were very... fleeting. they weren’t meant to last and he went into it knowing that. even though at the start of the group he couldn’t tell them everything, I feel like Young Justice were just the people he eventually was able to be himself the most around, since he didn’t need to hide being Robin. (again him needing to hide being Tim for a while definitely created some distance, but it was very different than hiding the whole hero life from people he knew at home and at school) and then ya know the core four group moving onto the titans together further solidifying this sense of ‘we are a group who can get through stuff together’... until it all falls the fuck apart after Kon dies. and Tim & Cassie have their weird bad coping things. and Bart dies. i think for Tim it would just be so crushing to have the first group he was able to consider being more permanent fall apart like that (not to mention his dad and steph dying around the same time on top of it- being two of the other types of relationships [familial and a romantic partner] that had more permanence to him) and even when people come back and bonds heal, that sense of stability would just forever be shattered, he lost them once and knows that it could happen again and that fear would always be there in the back of his mind

D (canon is a coward and won’t): that he is bisexual LMAO

aaand now Steph

A (realistic headcanon): alright this is kinda canon related but okay. we have seen MULTIPLE alternate versions of Steph with really short hair (future state, that time she imagined herself as nightwing, earth-3) so i really feel like by current-ish canon she’s already thinking about chopping her hair off, like it’s one of those ideas that just every now and then she’ll see someone with super short hair and be like oh... i want that... but never really go through with it (like she’s had some kinda short looks preboot but i think the shortest was like a bob. im talking pixie cut here) and like im imagining maybe after some mission her hair gets caught on something or even burned or idk and she just says fuck it and her, Cass and Tim get back to one of their apartments/a safehouse after patrol and cut her hair in the bathroom at like 4am (yes im aware i place many situations in the middle of the night in the bathroom with friends... [like that timkon fic i wrote a bit ago] its just such a special setting okay) like Cass with the scissors Tim’s holding up a reference pic Steph found on pinterest. it looks great once it’s done

B (hilarious): the eggplant vs purple thing. i think that now in this post death metal world of dc, where everyone’s remembering things from before the reboot, steph should have a small mental breakdown about how she betrayed her old self by rallying behind the color purple (‘enemy of crime and people who hate purple!’) vs how she used to be so insistent her color scheme was eggplant (‘its eggplant. purple would look stupid’). everyone else is having their brains break because of like conflicting memories of their traumas (and she’s got that goin on too, dont get me wrong, she’ll get to freaking out about that later) but steph is just sitting there staring at a color wheel trying not to cry

C (heart-crushing): i’ve seen some fics explore this a little but i think she’d end up doing a lot of thinking about her baby that she gave up for adoption. like that was something she experienced so young and i feel that would just always be a lurking thought in her mind, where is the baby? is she happy? gotham’s a dangerous city, there’s a lot to be afraid about there. Not that she wouldn’t already because she is just a caring big sister type of person, but I think Steph looking out for all the kids in Gotham (especially once she’s batgirl) in some small part could tie back to wanting to make sure her kid is safe out there wherever she ended up. (additionally since she had a rough upbringing with her whole dad situation she just especially is protective over kids anyways. Sometimes I think she might get kinda insecure about it… maybe even question herself about why she’s saving people, is it because she genuinely cares or is it something more selfish? it’s definitely a self doubt i could see manifesting)

D (canon is a coward and won’t) not to be repetitive but also that she is bi i will stand by this

[hintofcolor]

The Fabric of the Human Psyche

1/17/21

It’s amazing the amount of ourselves we put out there for people to see without even realizing it. It still hurts when it gets stripped away.

——————————————————————————

    This is stupid Kon thinks, staring into the mirror. He’s thankful that the tears are clouding his vision because he really doesn’t want to see what he looks like right now. This is so so stupid.

     Berating thoughts dance around his head like they belong there. Naturally flowing around, blending into the trauma that has made itself at home. He keeps staring, non moving, like if he moves it will be real. So, tears flow freely down his cheeks as looks into a reflection that isn’t him.

    His hair has been cut, his curls gone and now instead of a fade it’s a buzz cut, all his piercing have been taken and glasses sit filtering his green eyes. It’s ridiculous, he knows that, to think that glasses can change the color of your eyes, it’s just glass, clear glass, but they look different to him, duller. He’s wearing a flannel, buttoned all the way up to the top button. It’s long enough to cover his bulky belt, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s there. His jeans are a worn blue and they’re straight cut. They would hit the ground too, if it wasn’t for his brown work boots. The primary color of his shirt seems blinding, his boots feel too heavy, like if he tried to fly they would keep him on the ground.

    He gained the courage to move, lifting his arm to run a hand through his hair. The moment he made contact he flinched. He stumbled back sitting on the corner of his bed. He knew why he had to dress like this, he did, truly, But he looked different, ugly, boring, not himself, like Clark. Everything that made him, him, was gone, replaced by the past of someone who doesn’t want anything to do with who he is. He took off the glasses and sat them on the bed next to him. Finally rubbing his eyes and blinking away the tears. Here he was. Kon-el, Conner Kent, Superboy, crying on his bed in the middle of the day because of clothes. After everything he’s been through, the mind control, the memories of torture from Cadmus bleeding back in, Lex, enough said about that one, why was this getting to him so much. They’re just pieces of fabric. Because his style is his own. Because its not something he inherited. Because he genuinely likes the way he looks, and the way he dresses, and they make him feel like his own person. Now he’s being shoved to the back to make way for the new Conner. The improved Conner. The Conner that doesn’t stick out, the Conner that says yes ma’am and no sir, that doesn’t pick fights, that stays quiet and small and out of everyone’s way.

    He looked over to his closet. The leather jackets, and cropped or distressed shirts are pushed to the side out of the way. The band logos and old hoodies barely seen. His jeans, all ripped or painted on, are in a box in the top of it, next to his shoes. He glances in the mirror one more time before deciding to get rid of it when he gains the strength to move.

     The reasoning is simple enough. He looked too much like Superboy. The piercings, the leather, the hair, the attitude, was all a direct link to Superboy. He probably could have gotten away with it if he lived in Metropolis. Nobody there would bat an eye at him, but in tiny town Kansas, he stuck out like a sore thumb. Everyone stared when he walked down the street, he was the talk of the town. The weird kid who had no business being a Kent. So he had to blend. It made sense. Not to mention, the moment Superboy is found out, it’s not that hard to make the connection to Clark. This means Superboy is allowed to stay the same the piercings, the leather, the attitude. He even still has clothes that look like him at the tower, for whenever they go out in San Francisco. People there have probably put two and two together about all of them, but that’s what Kon likes about that place, people know how to mind their business.

   That should help, he knows that should help, but still,  Kon wishes he was allowed to more than just Superboy. He wishes he was allowed to be Conner Kent without compromise. Without feeling like he’s letting down Clark. That hurts too, caring so much about what Clark thinks, especially considering he knows Clark doesn’t think twice about him. So he’s stuck alternating between these three different people and it’s exhausting. Why can’t Kon-el and Conner Kent be the same person. 

      He was laying down on his bed, staring at the ceiling, lost in thought. The tears gone, now he was just numb. That’s when his pity party got crashed. 

      A knock came from his door, while the door was opening, the person on the other side not waiting for a response. That’s how he knew it wasn’t Ma or Pa. They knew what privacy meant and always waited for a response. Out of curiosity he lifted his head to see who just burst in. And to no surprise the person who doesn’t know how knocking works, was his personal bat he got prescribed when he started wearing the shield. 

     Nononononono 

     When nothing was said Kon sat up. Tim was just standing there, staring. He looked confused. Kon shifted uncomfortable under the stare.

   “Can I help you with something?” Kon asked, growing tired of the silence. 

    “I had a meeting in Metropolis, and last time I went to Metropolis and didn’t stop by to visit, you yelled at me.” he rushed through his explanation. “What are you wearing?” 

   Kon groaned at the question laying back down. He threw his hands over his eyes. If he couldn’t see Tim, Tim couldn’t see him, right? “That bad, huh?” he asked instead of responding. He’s still not mentally ready to talk about it, yet. 

   “That’s not what I meant.” Tim responded sitting next to him on the bed. “It’s just...” He hesitated, briefly, but long enough for Kon to play ‘fill in the blank’ 

   “Terrible, ugly, like I sleep in barn, like I’, wearing an elderly man’s ‘good’ outfit.” 

   “...not you.” Tim finished with an eye roll. 

    That was it, Kon felt the tears start to come back and he mentally cursed himself. This is so stupid. He pressed the heel of his hands deeper into his eyes. A tear slipped out and he prayed that Tim didn’t notice. 

   “Hey, Kon what happened.” Tim asked worried, a hand moving to his to peel away the hands that were pushing his eyes deeper into his head. After he gently got the hands away from his face he held them there. Kon had a habit of hiding behind his hands when he wants to avoid things. Typically he would brush it off, but Tim sounds concerned and he doesn’t want him to worry. 

   “It’s stupid.” Was his simple response. He could see Tim’s eyeroll even through his eyes were still closed. He could sense it at this point. 

   “If it’s upsetting you, then it’s not stupid. Now spill.” Tim’s response was soft. It was slightly uncharacteristic. Tim was always gentle, kind, when Kon was upset, but this was different. 

    “I just hate what I’m wearing. It feels...off. See stupid, can we drop it.”

   “Why are you wearing it if you hate it?” And Kon should have known Tim wouldn’t let it go. Not with Kon still visibly upset. 

   “Clark thought it would be a good idea if I tried to blend in more. Y’know because of the whole secret I.D thing, so...” Kon gestured down to his clothes to make a point. 

    Tim sat quiet so Kon finally opened his eyes and when he did, Tim was staring, again. This time his look was soft, so soft. 

   “It’s not stupid, Kon” Tim spoke barely above a whisper. “You spent your entire life being compared to Clark. Being ‘the clone’. The world seeing you as just another superman. You found something that was yours, that proved you are so much more than just Superman’s clone. You’re your own person, with their own thoughts, their own soul, their own personality. You had something that was uniquely yours, and it was taken from you. Not only was it taken, but it was replaced with something so blatantly Clark. It makes sense that it hurts. And it makes sense to cry when things hurt. It’s not stupid. It’s not stupid to be upset, no matter how small it might seem. You are allowed to feel things, Kon.”

   Oh. 

  “Oh.”

   Tim laughed. 

   Oh no. 

   “I think I want food.” Yes, change the subject, avoid everything. That’s healthy, Conner. 

  “Get changed we’ll go to Metropolis, my treat.” 

    Stop that.

   “I figured that went without saying.” There’s that sixth sense again. “Hey wonder boy.” 

   “Hmm?” 

    “Thank you.” 

   “You should be allowed to be your own person, I for one like that person. It seems wrong to hide him.”  

     Yup this isn’t going away anytime soon.

    “When did you turn into such a sap.” This isn’t healthy. You should acknowledge this. Talk to him. 

   “It’s for one day only.” Tim turned, a blinding smile plastered on his face as he met Kon’s eyes.  

   This is going to be interesting.

    Even with Tim’s words in the back of is mind, he couldn’t help but feel kind of pathetic not being able to look in the mirror. Like he was being dramatic, over reacting. He catches himself staring in the reflections in windows, walking downtown. Looking at a version of himself that has since been dead and buried. And school. The whole reason for this change. He had to start school. He was still a teenager. But school, school was the worst. People were nice enough. Coming up and introducing themselves, wanting to be friends. But the harsh reality, he knew these people would have steered cleared if he looked like himself.

  And that’s the thing about all of this, he guesses. Knowing you exist in a world that doesn’t want you there, enough that it forces you into a mold you don’t fit.

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Edit: I had to change the ending. I hated it. It’s still not quite how I wanted it to end but it’s defiantly better than the abrupt ending it had before.