#the struggles of a writer with no followers

[meo-eiru]

MERU😭😭😭 i finally had a free moment to relax and the first thing i wanted to do was play hold your tongues and i've spent the last few hours pouring over how absolutely beautiful of a piece it is in storytelling and visuals. i genuinely have so much to gush over and idk where i should be doing it so into your inbox it goes. i apologise in advance, you also don't have to respond to this bc 1) i am aware it's gonna get vv long and 2) spoilers will definitely be mentioned

i hope sel knows what an absolute gem of a writer she is for executing all of this bc i am fucking gobsmacked by how well certain ideas and concepts were interwoven throughout the entire piece. maybe a lot of the things following are just my interpretations, but that's another thing i really really love — there's enough ambiguity in the prose to be able to infer it in so many different ways

first to the namesake of the game, ‘hold your tongues’ and the many connotations of tongues that are explored throughout; as symbols of liberation and entrapment that intermingle so so well. i feel like the game really delves into the struggles that women face in society, in relationships, just in general and i like how since it's done so through maelyn's own perspective, we're privy to a more complex and raw display of how deeply emotionally scarring it can be.

eric is a little bitch imo (i won't retract that statement ever) but the ever judgmental, taunting and superior tone he has as the ‘voice’ in maelyn's head speaks volumes of the character he possessed and the lasting impact it had on her. giving her dress to another man makes her ‘unfaithful’, the fact that it's emphasised that these are only ‘remains’ of a dress too — bc eric left her with shreds, physically, mentally. 

if we take the dress to act as a metaphor for maelyn herself, he left her in shreds.

in response to this, maelyn bites her tongue, so hard that it bleeds. it's restraint, quite literally biting back your anger and the feeling of being wronged. grounding yourself again to the harsh reality of it all, and it brings her back to the present moment when starling points it out.

we see a similar occurrence later on when maelyn relays her tongue ‘longing for a taste, was to be kept down.' so again, she stops herself (and i think the wording here is particularly interesting, that it was to be kept, so intrinsically this too may also link to how women are commonly taught to be submissive and forced to fit to certain standards). 

in both contexts, the act of biting the tongue can be taken as a suppression of some sort of desire — the first is the desire to be mad, and the second is the desire of lust. both which women have been criticised for through the ages.

i also like to think that the tongue is a representation of freedom. starling is very much making wings to fly out of them, and taking them away from ppl has ‘forever deprived of their ability to lie’ (in which case lying = freedom, i won't expand on this too much bc it'll be another whole essay😭) so going back to maelyn, her biting hers can also be seen as her freedom being hurt, prevented.

another thing is, the line just before ‘he never ran out of tongues’, we can take this as starling never having his freedom threatened. and it poses further questions. is this because of his strength? is it because he has the ocean ‘wholly’? is it because he's a ‘man’?

on my first run through, one of the most prominent questions i came away w/ was what was it that attracted maelyn to starling? to the concept of these monsters of the sea that had surpassed human constraints that had her waiting out all those hours to catch a glimpse of one to begin with. what was it that kept her coming back? time and time again, day after day when she could've not gone back to that shore after leaving.

the text narrates a couple of things that i think contributed, there's a sense of warring humanity and animosity in the repetitive motifs of dirt and uncleanliness, in her noting that starling looked ‘half a man’ and that one half could've ‘consumed’ the other. maelyn has an envy that's touched upon frequently. does maelyn want to be closer to a monster so that no one can hurt her? or does she feel like a monster is all she can be now?

then there's a dynamic with power that was honestly done so well. again, my praise to sel for how well thought out it all was. that part where she put her hand into his guts and he made sounds he was ‘unable to control’, another when she tells him ‘cut’ and he does so without question — she recognises she holds the reins in that moment, acknowledges, ‘in control, I breathed.’ 

starling listens to her for the most part, it's a reoccuring theme. even when making his wings, he's following her instructions although it's made clear that he learns quick and is capable. perhaps this gives her comfortability.

but we see this turn on its head when things start to go left, starling begins to do as he pleases and maelyn is taken back into her trauma, back to feeling ‘disgusting’ and ‘unclean’, she even apologises and promises to do better.

leashes are mentioned a few times, maelyn first describes them as a sort of ‘necklace’ — perhaps this is tribute to the way a woman's submission is often beautified and normalised. the ‘leash’ starling puts on her in one of the ends is made of pearls, he keeps it in his mouth before this. could this be a reference to eric's sweet words that bound maelyn before he revealed himself? starling ties it somewhat loosely ‘so she could breathe’ yet that doesn't take away the fact that it's still there. it has a sort of your cage is not small, but that doesn't mean you're not locked in it kinda feel.

there's so much more i could say but i think ive alr said too much😭 i didnt even get to touch on the cuddle ending which was my favourite, or the symbolism of losing fingers, the significance of the numbers two, three and four to the story. I DIDN'T EVEN TALK MUCH ABT THE ART😭😭 MERU SORRY I GOT DISTRACTED BUT THE ART WAS PHENOMENAL❗️❗️❗️❗️

maelyn is super pretty and i love how her and starling contrast each other in design so nicely. starling's expressions were stellar ++ the bgs and cgs were beautiful (you're right, if you didn't clarify it i would think you were behind the chest one haha). also the body horror aspect was really brought to life with the visuals and ik it definitely mustn't have been easy drawing all those organs, thank you for your service meruuuu

i'll shut up here before i write another 3k, but both you and sel did such a great job w/ this. the two of you deserve a nice break to rest so pls make sure to take things easy and take care of yourselves!! drink water and sleep when you can, and know that you've made a masterpiece♥️

OH MY GOD THIS ASK IS MAKING ME GO FERAL

It's so well written??? You did such a good job picking up the details hidden behind their lines??? I fish you continued writing because I for sure did not want to finish it and please do send the other thoughts you had if you can, I love this so much

I'm sure @celerifleuri will too so I'll tag her

You already mentioned the spoilers at the start but I'll also note it down here for people who haven't played the game yet. I'm sure sel will do a much better job answering your story analyses but I'll also say you're completely right with most things you've said.

The story takes place in 1800s with dated gender roles we unfortunately can still relate to. Maelyn is a curious woman who wants to study and experiment, but is being held back by society and even people who she thought she could trust, but again Sel will do a better job explaining those.

I'll talk about the art a bit. One thing I really enjoyed that was kinda unintentional on my part was the use of night and day.

The story starts at night time, the first ever cg we get of Maelyn is her jumping down the cliff, with the moon's reflection on her left and the waves giving an illusion of wings as she looks up, in that very moment she is free.

On the other hand the first ever cg of Starling is day time. The sun is shining brightly from his left, almost blindingly, as he looks down. His hair covering the screen like spider webs.

To contrast these, it's night time in the wood ending. Just like the first cg of Maelyn, we can see the soft moonight shining upon them but not quite reaching Starling's face. Maelyn is alive.

Meanwhile in the bone ending, even though they are underwater we can tell it's day time, just like the first Starling cg. We get to see a glimpse of them through the seaweeds covering our view, the sunlight showering them gently. Starling is alive.

For the character designs too, a bit of a reverse but I'd say Maelyn resembles the sun, meanwhile Starling is like the moon.

They both share green eyes, although quite different shades. Maelyn has bright red hair that contrasts Starling's red tongue tail.

I also like that Maelyn's hair, albeit a bit loosely, is braided and kept tidy. Meanwhile Starling's hair is usually all over the place and quite messy.

[ordowrites]

Insomnia Pt 2

characters: kaeya, neuvilette, diluc (again)

cw: depression mention, anxiety mention, no pronouns used but reader is given affectionate terms, warnings for diluc's past, honestly this is just written for my own self comfort and indulgence so mild ooc warning. mdni, blank blogs dni. reader is not the traveler, reader has an electro vision. fluff. very corny. i have writer's block so pls forgive me.

Kaeya is woken up by you a few nights in a row now - he knows how quiet you try to be when you crawl out of bed as he has long mornings, days, and sometimes even nights. still, the bed is always too empy without you and the minute you leave, he considers getting up to follow you. But he understands your need to be left alone.

It's only when you don't come back to bed that he's getting up, hardly caring about being robed as he joins you in the living room, where you've tucked yourself away.

Puffy eyed and staring at the purple gem.

Ah.

"Shall I make you the cocoa you love?" You shake your head. "Okay, what would you like?"

"Just sit with me." So he does, and you lean into his arms. He wishes he could shield you forever from the pain of the world, take it all away and be your knight in shining armor. But he can't always do that. So he kisses the top of your head and murmurs things he hopes helps.

Sleepless nights are not uncommon in this household at all.

Neuvilette is somehow both surprised and not too surprised to see you outside so late at night - eyes straining in the dim street lighting to read your book. When he prompts about it, you merely shrug.

"It's a good book." you simply say. "Care to join me, Monsieur Neuvilette?"

"I would be honored." Your smile is lovely as he sits down in the metal chair that is, quite frankly, uncomfortable. "It is late, are you alright?"

"'m fine, got my book." You nod to the book you aren't actually reading. "Couldn't sleep, so...came out here. I like it when it's night time. Everything is so calm and quiet."

He gets it - the bustling city of Fontaine, the hectic schedule of an overworked journalist. You're doing your best and that's all he can tell you.

"But if you don't mind....I do like the company of another." So your thoughts don't wander, so you don't feel like you'll breakdown again.

"I shall stay for as long as you need."

Diluc is no stranger to sleepless nights, in fact, he's quite uses to them. Thoughts of his past linger too closely to him, they return in sensory - biting cold, a loud voice, flames that burn too hot.

And tonight, you're tossing and turning - tonight, you're struggling with anxieties about things neither of you can control.

"Wanna go for a walk?" Your voice breaks the air - tired. Exhausted.

"Yeah."

He feels like a kid again - sneaking out, and walking around the manor's grounds under a starlit sky.

"Nightmare again?"

"Nothing to worry about, my beloved." Diluc lets out a heavy sigh. "What about you?"

"Ugh, just can't sleep much these days." He understands and beckons for you to follow him - it's a spot where he and Kaeya used to hide out late at night. "You know how it is. I worry for you."

"My beloved, I always come home.

"I know." you mumble as he pulls you into a tender hug. "Archons, Diluc, I have nightmares about losing you."

"I know, I know. I'm here." Diluc hushes. "I'm here now."

"For how much longer?" You cling to him tighter and you both stay, hidden in this field until Adelinde calls for breakfast. Diluc doesn't get the chance to answer as you pull away to head back to the manor, the conversation dying.

For the rest of time, he thinks, as he follows you back. I promise.

[illmetbymoonlight]

Just going to throw this out there, and I know this is easier said than done, but you shouldn't care about what other people think about your oc. Who cares if no one else likes our OCs? Do you like your OC? If yes then that's literally the only thing that matters. We make OCs so we can insert them in our favourite things, ship them with our favourite characters, etc. they're purely self indulgent fun! We make them purely for ourselves, not for anyone else. I get where you're coming from, I really do. I used to be the same way about my OCs, I just really wanted them to be "popular". I really wanted people to like my r6 siege oc. But as I got older I realized that, that doesn't matter. And when I stopped caring about it people liked my oc and just started making things for my eyes only, it was a lot more fun. I've written so many little fics for my r6 siege oc, and you know who will see them? Me and me only, because isn't that why we make them? To have fun, to picture little idealized versions of ourselves in these universes and be giddy when we ship them with our favourite characters? As long as you're enjoying what you're making with your oc then that's all that matters.

TL:DR : don't worry so much about whether people like your OCs or not. That sucks the fun out of them and defeats the purpose of why we make them.

Apologies for the wall of text.

Youre right. And this is something I constantly struggle with. Being the kind of person who needs constant validation in every aspect of my life doesn't help.

But also I just want to know that people do like my characters and writing. As someone who wants to be a published author one day it's important to me to get feedback. And lately the lack of feedback feels negative. Like my writing isn't good and I should just forget about ever writing my own original stories. And honestly qhen it's just likes and no reblogs and no comments or feedback the likes feel like nothing. Idk.

If I wanted to get no feedback or attention I wouldn't share my writing. Hell I have A LOT of writing I don't share because no one's interested. I write to share the stories. If I wanted to keep them to myself I wouldn't bother writing them. When I share my writing I want to know what people think. I want to know people enjoyed them. When you don't have a lot of followers (less than 50 active but only ever see interactions from like 10) you rely on those reblogs to get your story seen. I always try to reblog the fics I enjoy on here because I know how important those reblogs are.

A lot of my feelings of disappointment in my lack of interactions from people who read what I've written stems from my dream to be a published writer. But when I see my writing is not good enough to share... it makes that dream less real. If I can write something that people will actually read then I'll never make it as a writer.

Idk. Sry for the vent anon.

[vilsoo]

my mutuals (majority that had bigger blogs) have all been dropping like dead flies because of a toxic, pathetic writer on this app that drove all them off. rip to munsonsins, getoswhore, kazushawty, literally everyone. and those that have heen affected yet still continue to stay on this app, i hope you’re all doing fine. but these ppl were driven off all because of jealousy reasons, false plagiarism accusations, death threats, cyberbullying, you fucking name it. we lose so much good works and genuine people on here that created their own platforms for the purposes of consuming fanfiction/writing fanfiction 😐 but since they were being dragged into discourse with a certain someone on this app, it’s crazy how their followers dickride the shit out of that thing and send hate/death threats to them through anon like wowww. 😹

[toallthingscinderellaboy]

Istg I am trying SO HARD to write this Diane/Grandma Hollow backstory fic and shit keeps happening wtf

I’m not even an established fanfic author and already the ao3 curse has descended down upon me T-T

[laniidae-passerine]

catch me laughing in the club awkwardly because this season has a 19 year old blonde female companion from London, a space travelling left of law brunette queer boy who flirts heavily with the doctor, absolutely zero writers of colour and no mention of sensitivity readers…….and next season the new companion is a woman of colour. uh oh!

[j-eryewrites]

Struggles of being a fanfic writer: you already have a bunch of stories that need to be written, yet by the mercy of god you get even more ideas that you just have to write immediately before they disappear. Eventually, you are left with eight ongoing series, a million one shots, and even more ideas to come. I love being a fanfic writer. XD

[billowingangel]

If I could write as fast as I read....I'd be fucking unstoppable

[crowlore]

i remember it used to be a bit of a fandom pet peeve of mine that some people would forget that the gung ho guns and eye of michael were two separate groups with some membership overlap but then stampede came along and made the eom into a project of conrad’s backed by knives. another example of how the reboot feels like bad fanfiction.

[wuxian-vs-wangji]

Yeah... I remember seeing the architectural design majors at my uni having this breakdown each semester...

[that-leo-writer]

When I stare at the ocean, it feels home. When I look at the sky, it calls me home. There is a place called paradise above it all. Perhaps when I transcend all level of dimensions, I will find it. But for now I can only have faith in one thing. There are pillars holding up the paradise. Thousands and thousands of pillars of beliefs. The longer I live, the further away I go from it. The more I think of it, The farther the dimension of time pulls me away from it. I have never ever thought of stepping a foot in it.

Perhaps, I had some other images of paradise. For me, it was a place where the gods and goddesses, tired from the whims of rules and regulations, dimensions of lies and truth, created a place where no pain existed. Hence, the dimension of sadness wouldn't hold them back from anywhere they wanted to be.

I am just a mere thinker; an imaginer. In the pursuit, I feel myself become an imagination; or perhaps an image. Always skewed, rarely accurate. A model; a partial representation of what life is supposed to be. I am a byproduct of the world, its history, and its choice. How do I even understand the concept of reality when everything is a representation of a scenery I used to draw as a child?

[fruitybashir]

6k per week ain't even that much..? there's writers here who do much more, why are you complaining

hi <3

i am not other writers! hope this helps ✌🏼✨️

[darkcottoncandy]

I am not a normal person. Well I don't particularly understand what normal really means though. Is it being completely sane and not freak out on the minor inconvenience ? Or Is it being able to handle everything meticulously no matter how tough it is ?

Well if this is what being normal is then I am definitely not. I get worried over things, my emotions take over most of the time and specially when there are people involved, who I don't want to hurt. I get panicky almost in all the situations because I doubt myself. I doubt myself that if I will be able to seek a solution, if I will be able to make a right decision.

I overthink about everything. I try to keep the worst case scenarios in my mind so that I don't expect too much from anyone or anything. I live in a continuum of optimism and pessimism daily.

We all have a different definition of normal. This is mine.

To keep my boundaries and still trying to not hurt others. To say no and still not feel guilty about it. To panic and still reminding yourself that you can get through this. And to mess up and still struggle to make it right somehow. And to feel apprehensive and still find my peace somewhere right here in this scary ass world.

[botanicallyinclinednerd]

I've been reminded that Hard Time is an episode that exists and I'm spiraling a little because of it

[melit0n]

Struggling with 10k chapter with writer's block plus burn out. And my beta reader is ghosting me. Someone send help 😭

[shokuto]

I think mainstream media would be in a much better place if famous creatives stood off twitter and weren’t so tightly connected to a populace disconnected from the real world