#the strangest romance option I have ever seen in my life.

[earl-grey-love]

Due to the lines Barbs says it sometimes feels like his surprise guests interactions are like I just cornered him unexpectedly and started playing with him like a toy or something. Especially since a lot of what he enjoys is odd, like being shaken or ignored. And he's like;

He's a strange one. I think he likes the audacity more than anything. Also maybe he's just deflecting to hide how touchstarved he is. Either way I'm amused by it.

[lumosandnoxwriting]

Match Made in Heaven - Harry Potter

Title: Match Made in Heaven Pairing: Harry Potter x Granger!Reader Summary: Harry spends most of his days living amongst muggles to avoid the fame that follows him in the wizard world. Concealing his identity isn’t a problem until he falls in love with a muggle that seems all too familiar. A/N: For the anon that wanted Harry falling in love with a granger!reader without knowing she’s Hermione’s sister. This is noncanon compliant, as Hermione never obliviates her family. Feedback is always welcome and requests are open!

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Harry spends far more time in muggle London than he ever imagined he would. He rents a decent sized flat in a muggle apartment building, shops in muggle clothing and food stores, and he even finds himself taking the tube or bus over apperating or the Floo Network. Harry loves magic and he loves being a wizard, but after spending the first 18 years of his life in the wizard world limelight, he craves a sense of normalcy.

In the muggle world he isn’t Harry Potter the boy who lived. He’s Harry Potter, the guy I sat next to on the tube. Or Harry Potter, my quiet neighbor who always says hello. In the muggle world he’s just Harry Potter, and he really likes that. He likes being able to go to a restaurant for a meal without being asked for his autograph, and he can buy his boxer briefs without being stopped for a picture.

Of course, he’s still fully involved in the Wizarding World. He pops into Diagon Alley for all of his magical shopping from time to time, he has a drink at the Leaky Cauldron with the boys from school every Saturday, he has a job at the ministry that he loves and every Sunday he conceals a random field in the country side so he can spend hours chasing around a golden snitch on his firebolt. Harry has even popped into Hogwarts for guest lectures or just to see Hagrid.  And of course, he’s at the Burrow frequently, whether it’s for a major holiday, birthday or just for dinner on a random weekday.

Harry doesn’t hate the wizarding world he just prefers the anonymity living in the muggle world gives him. So, it really only makes sense that he falls in love with a muggle girl too.

“If you ask me there’s far too many options for something as simple as milk. Milk is milk, is it not?”

Harry turns to look at the young woman standing next to him at the grocery store, and his jaw practically drops when she does the same. This woman is by far, the most beautiful woman Harry has ever seen. There’s something familiar about her, and yet he can’t quite figure out what it is. She gives him a warm smile, and Harry does his best to return it.

“I agree wholeheartedly,” he says with a nervous chuckle. “I sometimes grab a different brand hoping to notice some kind of difference and there never is.”

She laughs, turning to look back at the milk. “Well what’s your go to then? I’ll try yours if you try mine?”

Harry bites his lip. This is by far the strangest interaction he’s ever had with a muggle, but he finds is quite enjoyable. “Sounds like a plan to me.”

Harry and the woman both reach into the cooler case, and their hands brush when they reach for the same bottle of milk. Harry pulls his hand away quickly, a slight blush painting his cheeks. The woman turns to look at him, the warm smile still on her face.

“Clearly you have great taste in dairy products,” she says playfully, and Harry can’t believe that a woman this beautiful is flirting with him. She grabs the bottle they both had gone for and hands it to Harry.

“You know what they say, great minds think alike,” he jokes, nodding in appreciation as he grabs the milk. He places it in his hand basket and watches as she grabs her own bottle. “I’m Harry,” he introduces.

The young woman turns to face him as she places the milk in her own basket. “I’m Y/N, it’s wonderful to meet you Harry.”

Y/N stretches her hand out and Harry grabs it, trying to ignore the spark of electricity that runs up his arm at the contact. As their handshake ends the woman gives him a wave, but Harry grabs her arm lightly as she turns to leave. “Wait, Y/N. Would you like to get dinner with me? Tomorrow night.”

Harry is just as surprised by his boldness as Y/N is. He’s usually not one to be so outgoing, but he’s become fascinated with this woman in the few short minutes they’ve known each other, and he has to see her again.

“I would love that,” she responds, the warm smile that Harry is already fond of returning.

“Brilliant,” he says, smiling back at Y/N. “There’s this diner that I love that’s not far from here. It’s called Barney’s, maybe you’ve heard of it?.”

Y/N chuckles. “I know Barney’s. I go there like, once a week.” She pauses. “Same favorite milk brand and same favorite restaurant? I think maybe we’re a match made in Heaven, Harry.”

Harry blushes and scratches at the back of his neck. “Perhaps so. I’ll meet you there tomorrow? Say 7:30?”

“I’ll see you then.”

-

“You’re going on a date?” Ron asks Harry in surprise the next day at work.

Ron and Hermione are always trying to convince Harry to move to Diagon Alley above Flourish and Blotts so they can be neighbors. They’re always telling him how quiet it is, how their owl doesn’t seem out of place to their neighbors and how nice it is to be surrounded by people that are like them. One of their efforts to convince him to move is to invite him over for dinner at least once a week. Ron has just invited Harry over, and he respectfully declined.

Harry rolls his eyes at Ron. “Why is that such a surprise.”

“No offense mate, but you don’t exactly have the best track record with women,” Ron points out with a chuckle.

Harry narrows his eyes at Ron. “Either way,” he says, not wanting to admit Ron is right, “I’ve got a date tonight so I’m going to have to skip out on dinner.”

“Fair enough, mate. So, who’s the lucky lady? A bird we went to school with?” Ron asks, knowing Hermione will want all of the details.

Harry shrugs. “Just a muggle I met last night at the grocery store.”

Ron gives Harry a look of surprise. “Last night? You met a girl and asked her out in the same night? That’s definitely a first for you.”

“Oh, shove it. You act like you’re the king of romance or something. How many years did it take you to grow a pair and ask Hermione out?” Harry teases, dodging the rolled-up ball of parchment Ron tosses at him. “We bonded over the fact that we like the same type of milk.”

“Muggles are weird man,” Ron says with a laugh, turning back to the pile of work on his desk.

-

“So, what do you do for work?” Y/N asks, taking a sip of her drink.

Harry takes a sip of his own drink to give himself time to think of an answer. This is the only downside of living amongst muggles: trying to figure out how to explain the magical parts of his life. He somehow managed to stutter through a decent explanation as to why he keeps an owl as a pet, but he always gets nervous when it comes to his career.

“I work in law enforcement,” he responds a moment later. “I’m a detective of sorts.”

Y/N raises her eyebrows. “Wow, that’s quite impressive. Being a detective at such a young age. I bet you’re a natural.”

Harry blushes, and takes a bite of his food to hide it. He’s almost glad that Y/N can’t know the truth about the more magical bits of his life. Being an Auror is less impressive when you know that Harry didn’t even graduate from school and was able to walk onto his job because someone decided that Harry would be his downfall when he was only an infant. “What about you? What do you do for work?”

“I’m working part time at the public library while I finish up medical school,” Y/N explains with a smile.

Harry scoffs playfully. “You’re sitting over there knowing you’re in medical school and calling my career impressive? You are far too humble, Y/N.” Harry feels a sense of pride when Y/N blushes and looks away. “So why medical school?”

Y/N shrugs, trying to brush off Harry’s kind words. “Both of my parents are dentists, and I wanted to make them proud. I spent a lot of time with them growing up, hanging out in the office. I watched them help person after person and it was inspiring. Made me realize I want to do the same thing.”

Harry absolutely melts at Y/N’s words. Harry has lived his whole life trying to make his parents proud. They gave their lives to help keep the wizarding world safe and all Harry wants to do is the same.

He clears his throat. “Seems we have that in common as well.”

“Your parents are dentists?” she asks with a laugh.

Harry laughs as well, shaking his head slightly. “My parents worked in a law enforcement type field. They were killed, when I was young because of it. They dedicated their lives to keeping me, and countless others safe. And all I’ve wanted to do since I was a little kid was make them proud and do the same.”

Y/N gives Harry a sad smile as she reaches out to touch the hand he has resting on the table. Harry allows her to intertwine their fingers, smiling when she squeezes them lightly. “That’s amazing, Harry,” she says softly. “You seem like an amazing person, and I’m sure they’re proud of you.”

That night when Harry gets home he pens out a quick letter to Ron, the feeling of Y/N’s lips on his as they kissed goodnight still fresh in his mind.

I think I’m in love.

-

“Harry? What are you doing here?” Y/N whispers, unable to keep herself from giggling.

It’s been a few days since his date with Y/N and Harry hasn’t been able to get her out of his head. He recounted the date several different times to both Ron and Hermione, and Mrs. Weasley had even asked him about it when he went to the Burrow for dinner. Each time he thought back to what happened he found himself getting happier and even though he and Y/N were going to see each other that night, Harry needed to see her again. So, on his lunch break he picked up some coffee and headed to the London Public Library.

Harry holds up the cups of coffee, a smile spreading across his face. “Got time for some coffee?”

Y/N returns his smile and nods. She comes out from behind the desk she had been working at and gestures for Harry to follow her. Y/N leads him out of the library and over to her favorite bench in the courtyard. It’s under a great big willow tree, and Y/N often spends hours out here, just enjoying the warm summer breeze, thinking about nothing.

“I didn’t think I’d see you until tonight,” Y/N says, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled around them.

Harry shrugs, taking a sip of his coffee to keep from getting flustered. “I wanted to see you again, and I couldn’t wait until tonight,” he admits honestly.

In lieu of responding, Y/N touches Harry’s cheek lightly and leans in to kiss him. Their lips move together softly, and when their kiss breaks both of them are blushing slightly. “I’ve been dying to see you again as well.”

Harry bites his lip before he leans in to kiss Y/N again briefly. “I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind,” he murmurs, pressing their lips together again.

There are only a few people in his life that Harry has ever immediately felt comfortable around, and not very many of them are female. Whenever he’s around a woman he has a romantic interest in, Harry tends to get all clammy, and he works himself up so much he doesn’t know what to say. But he’s never felt that same awkwardness with Y/N. Ever since they first locked eyes Harry felt a sense of familiarity with her, and he feels like he can say anything around her.

Y/N smiles against Harry’s lips, her brain fuzzy. She hasn’t stopped thinking about him since that night at the grocery store. She wasn’t one to usually strike up a conversation with a stranger, but when she saw Harry just standing there she felt this need to talk to him.

“I’m gonna be honest with you,” she says with a quiet chuckle when their kiss breaks.  “I never thought we’d get this far.”  When Harry knits his eyebrows together in confusion, Y/N brings a hand up to cup his cheek. “When I saw you in the store that night I thought you were cute, and I had to say something to you. And then I just started waffling on about milk. I figured it would freak you out or something.”

Harry laughs, and grabs the hand Y/N had placed on his cheek so he can intertwine their fingers. “I’m not gonna lie, I did find it a bit odd. But in an endearing sort of way,” he adds, not wanting to make Y/N feel insecure. “You are by far the most interesting and beautiful person I’ve ever met before. And I’ve met some weird people, so I’d take that as a compliment.”

“You don’t really mean that,” Y/N responds playfully, lightly shoving Harry’s shoulder. “You’re just trying to get in my head, throw me off my game so you win at minigolf.”

Harry laughs and squeezes Y/N’s hand. “You’re on to me, love. You’re bloody on to me.”

-

“Do you think I should tell her?” Harry muses, looking up at Ron and Hermione. They’re eating lunch together in the cafeteria at the ministry, and Harry’s mind keeps wandering to Y/N.

“Tell who what?” Ron asks, his words muffled by the food in his mouth.

Hermione hits Ron’s arm, rolling her eyes playfully. “Harry’s obviously talking about Y/N, Ron. Considering she’s all he talks about these days.”

Harry blushes. “Anyway,” he drawls, not wanting to acknowledge that Hermione is right. “I’ve been thinking about telling her about me. Ya know, that I’m a wizard.” Hermione drops her fork and Ron looks at him wide eyed. “What?”

“Harry you know you can’t do that,” Hermione scolds. “It’s against wizard law to reveal yourself to a muggle.”

“Well you can if you marry them,” Ron adds, causing Hermione to pinch his arm. “Ow, what was that for?” he asks, rubbing the spot.

“Harry hasn’t even asked Y/N to be his girlfriend yet, marriage is certainly not an option for him right now and I don’t want you putting ideas into his head, Ronald,” Hermione retorts.

“And who said the idea wasn’t already in his head,” Ron responds, gesturing wildly towards Harry. “He’s been in love with her since their first date.”

Hermione turn to Harry then. “I’m sorry, what?”

Harry shrugs his shoulders, a sheepish look on his face. “She’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met, Hermione. How could I not be in love with her?”

“You’ve only been seeing her for a few weeks, Harry,” Hermione says softly. “I just think it’s far too early to say you’re in love with her.”

“I know what I feel,” Harry insists, his tone becoming harsh.

Hermione gives Harry a look. “If you really love her then why not make things official? Then you can revisit the whole wizard thing in a year or so.”

Harry looks down, picking at his napkin. “It’s not that I don’t want to make things official. But the more I let her in the harder it is to explain away the magical parts of my life.” When Hermione places her hand on top of his Harry looks up at her. “I already have to hide so much from her. I’m afraid that if I lie even more she’ll just get tired of it and leave.”

“Harry,” Hermione says sadly, squeezing Harry’s hand. “I know, it’s scary. But I don’t think now is the right time to reveal everything to her. And if she feels as strongly for you as you do her, then you have nothing to worry about.”

“Yeah, okay,” Harry agrees reluctantly, wanting to move on. “So, how are the plans for the engagement party coming along?”

-

“What’s on your mind, love? You’ve been awfully quiet tonight,” Y/N comments, looking up at Harry.

Harry leans down and presses a kiss to her forehead. It’s been a few days since his conversation with Ron and Hermione and he hasn’t stopped thinking about it. Deep down he knows that Hermione is right, that he should wait to tell her about him. But he also knows how strongly he feels for her already, and that he wants to let her in to every part of his life.

“Just been thinking about you. Us,” he says a moment later, pulling her closer into his chest. They’re cuddled up on Harry’s couch, watching some film he hasn’t paid an ounce of attention to.

Y/N hums and sits up so she can properly look at Harry. “Thinking good things, I hope.” Her tone is light, but Harry can tell there’s a hint of nervousness in her voice.

Harry reaches out and lightly grips Y/N’s chin so he can bring their faces together and press a sweet kiss to her lips. “Always good thoughts when I’m thinking of you,” Harry says softly as he pulls away. “I know we’ve only been seeing each other for a few weeks but,” Harry pauses, taking a deep breath. “I love you, Y/N. Even if it’s far too early to say that and you don’t feel the same quite yet.”

“Oh Harry,” she whispers, before closing the gap between them. Y/N kisses Harry slowly, trying to reassure him and convey all of her feelings for him at the same time. “I love you too,” Y/N murmurs when they finally break apart. “I knew we were destined to be together the moment we reached for the same milk,” she jokes.

Harry chuckles and kisses her again briefly. “If you’re going to be with someone for the rest of your life it’s imperative you have the same taste in dairy products.”

“Rest of your life?” Y/N asks quietly, a pink blush on her cheeks.

Harry sputters, his face heating up as well. “I. I well. Um. Y-you know. I um.”

Y/N giggles at how flustered Harry is and presses a kiss to his cheek. “It’s okay, love. While I’m not saying we should run out and get married right now, I’m not opposed to that happening with us someday in the future.”

Harry smiles at Y/N, his heart fluttering in his chest. While it’s not a marriage proposal, it’s the promise of something more and it’s good enough for Harry. “Are you busy Sunday evening? I’ve got this party thing to go to in the afternoon but there’s something I want to show you.”

“I’ve got this family thing for most of the day. I’m not sure when it’ll be over, but I can sneak away, make time for you,” Y/N responds sweetly.

Harry kisses Y/N hard, the movie they had put on long forgotten.

-

“Harry! There you are!” Hermione greets excitedly, coming over to hug Harry. He arrived at The Burrow for Hermione and Ron’s engagement party well over an hour ago, but both of his friends had been busy talking to their other guests. So, he just grabbed a drink and milled about, occasionally stopping to talk to people from school.

“Hermione,” Harry greets, returning her hug. “You look wonderful. You’re glowing.”

Hermione blushes and releases Harry from her hug, choosing to grab his hand instead. “Come with me. I want you to meet some of my family.”

Harry follows behind Hermione dutifully, finishing off the rest of his drink for a bit of liquid courage. He would have been happy sticking to the shadows for the rest of the afternoon so he could slip away to meet up with Y/N, but he’s going to be the best man at the wedding in a few months, so he should probably mingle for just a bit before he heads out early.

“You remember my parents, right?” Hermione asks as they reach a small group of people.

Harry nods and releases Hermione’s hand so he can shake her parent’s hands. “Of course. Dr. Granger, Dr. Granger. It’s wonderful to see you again.”

“And this is my sister,” Hermione says, causing Harry to look at the girl who has just arrived.

Harry turns to shake her hand, but all of the air gets sucked out of his lungs and his mouth runs dry. “Y/N?” Harry asks, surprised.

“Harry?” Y/N responds, sounding just as shocked as he does.

“What are you doing here?” They both ask at the same time, causing them to erupt in a fit of giggles.

“I went to school with Hermione and Ron, they’re my best friends in the entire world,” he explains, trying to ignore the fact that everyone around them is starting. “Hermione’s your sister?” When Y/N nods Harry continues. “That’s why you seemed so familiar when I first met you. You guys have the same eyes.”

“Care to let the rest of us in on what’s going on?” Ron asks, looking between Y/N and Harry.

Harry reaches out and grabs Y/N’s hand, intertwining their fingers. “Y/N is the girl I’ve been seeing the past few weeks.”

After Y/N and Harry explain their whirlwind romance to Ron, Hermione and the small crowd of Weasley’s and Grangers that has gathered around them, they sneak off together to the corner of the large tent, leaving quite a few perplexed people behind them.

“I can’t believe you’re the Harry. The one I’ve heard about practically non-stop since I was 13,” Y/N teases as they take a seat at an abandoned table.

Harry blushes, squeezing Y/N’s fingers. “I can’t believe Hermione never mentioned having an older sister.”

“From what I remember you three were always getting into trouble back at school. She probably just didn’t have the time,” Y/N muses with a laugh. Y/N pauses, reaching up to cup Harry’s cheek. “I can’t believe that out of all the times we could have met, we finally met in the milk section of our local Tesco.”

Harry laughs at that and he turns his head so he can press a kiss to Y/N’s palm. “I’ve been stressing for weeks about whether or not I should tell you the truth about me. About what I am and who I am. And as it turns out that was all for nothing because you already knew all about it, even if you didn’t realize it.”

Y/N leans forward and kisses Harry lightly. “I kind of had a bit of an inkling that you we’re just some normal bloke,” Y/N admits sheepishly.

“What gave it away?” Harry asks in shock. “I thought I was pulling it off quite well,” he huffs.

Y/N rolls her eyes playfully. “Harry, love you have a pet owl in the middle of London. That’s a bit of an odd pet to keep. Unless you’re a wizard.”

Harry chuckles. “Alright you got me there.” Harry pauses, frowning slightly. “Although this ruins my plan of sneaking off early to see you so I could tell you I’m a wizard. I guess we’ll have to just stick it out until the end of the party.”

Y/N glances over her shoulder at Hermione and Ron. “I dunno, my sister and Ron seem quite busy,” she comments with a grin. “There’s so many other people here, do you think they would notice if we slipped away?”

Harry returns Y/N’s grin before he kisses her briefly. “Even if they do, who cares? I’m sure I’ll get an earful from them tomorrow either way.”

Y/N and Harry sneak out of the tent hand in hand, ready for whatever curveball life throws at them next.

[popunktomlinson]

this is everything i’ve read in the past month put into a list for the sole benefit of my short term memory. it’s a mess of pairings but mostly drarry and can be summed up as lots of enemies to lovers, excessive pining, and a splash of fake dating.

Drarry:

What Real Thing? - loveglowsinthedark (13k)

They don’t cuddle, they don’t talk about their relationship (or lack thereof) and they certainly never fall asleep in each other’s arms.

Aural Gratification - birdsofshore (11k)

Harry's not gay – he just likes listening to exciting stories about Aurors. It's not his fault that the narrator's voice is so smooth, so expressive... and really rather hot.

You open always (petal by petal) - birdsofshore (65k)

Harry’s not the kind of person who pays for sex. He really isn’t. Until he is.

Lumos - birdsofshore (41k)

Harry never expected to spend eighth year listening to Draco Malfoy wanking.

Heartlines - shiftylinguini (73k)

Harry never expected he’d end up chipping away at his virginity while wandless and bonded to Malfoy in Northern Europe.

He never expected that would turn out to be the least surprising thing to happen while out on their training expedition in the middle of nowhere, either.

The Sleeping Beauty Curse - who_la_hoop (153k)

When Draco Malfoy falls into a cursed sleep and can only be woken – at least, according to the Daily Prophet, that impeccable source of truth – by ‘true love’s kiss’, Harry Potter knows there’s no way on earth he’s the answer to this particular riddle. Is he . . .?

Strange Bedfellows - orphan_account, ravenclawsquill (31k)

When Harry encounters a frail and fidgety Draco Malfoy at the Ministry, he just knows something is wrong and he’s determined to get to the bottom of it.

A story about Deadly Nightshade, crippling insomnia, excellent wine … and finding what you need in the strangest of circumstances.

The Devil’s White Knight - orphan_account (65k)

When Harry wakes up in an alternate timeline--a timeline where Voldemort was defeated long before the first war--he discovers everything is different. His parents, his godfather, his friends--and him. Harry must deal with the consequences of who he would have been if he had been raised by his parents, and figure out where he stands with his casual hook up, Draco Malfoy.

Who Shagged Harry Potter? - faithwood (6k)

One beautiful sunny Sunday the Slytherins wake up after a raunchy night only to discover a very naked Harry Potter sleeping in their dormitory. Naturally, they ask themselves a logical question: Who the hell shagged him?

Draco Malfoy, It’s Your Lucky Day - faithwood (47k)

Even though he's unarmed, injured, lost in the Forbidden Forest, and facing a possible murder charge, Draco Malfoy gets lucky.

Love Comes Tumbling - taradiane (22k)

'Harry's thoughts were of how much he would have done differently with Malfoy over the years, and of Dumbledore's final words to the other boy . . . "It is my mercy, and not yours, that matters now." Maybe, Harry wondered, he could find some mercy, too, and give Malfoy the second chance that Dumbledore had believed him worthy of.’

punch-drunk fingerprints - tamerofdarkstars (2k)

In a world where every touch of a soulmate leaves a temporary heat mark on bare skin, Draco Malfoy suddenly finds his life devolving into a massive cliche because the Boy Who Lived Twice has no idea how to respect the personal space bubble.

Muggle Technology and Heroism - TommyLane (90k)

Draco Malfoy wasn’t exactly the best roommate Harry’s ever had. The man tended to watch way too much James Bond and his obsession with muggle technology not only rivaled Arthur Weasley’s but more often than not ended with Harry trying to assure him that the appliances weren’t out to get him. Then there was the little fact that Harry was hopelessly in love with him while Draco remained completely unaware, bringing nameless men home night after night.

But Harry loved his life and was somewhat (as long as he doesn’t actually think about it) content enough in the way things were going. That is until Draco’s old boyfriend comes sweeping back into town – making Draco breakfast and fixing the remote control before Harry can and forcing him to realize that if he doesn’t do something soon, that he might lose the man he loves before he even gets a chance to ever actually have him.

Party of Two - fireflavored (13k)

Drinking, sex, and a total misreading of the concept of fuck buddies.

A Dented Old Street Sign - orphanghost (27k)

Draco knows they aren't the only students who will be completing their NEWTs this year, but they are the only ones whose home fireplaces were disconnected from the floo network by the ministry.

At least, Draco assumes as much until he sees the light falling out from the front door of one of the other rickety old houses in front of them and the three figures cast in its warm glow. For a moment they look like some sort of strange, many legged creature. An acromantula, or a particularly massive Blast-Ended Skrewt. Then Draco hears Pansy make a disgusted sound beside him and the light falls in a less blinding way, and Draco can see that it is actually Potter and the Weasel carrying a large couch between them, and Granger fluttering around them with her wand out, seeming concerned.

(The Piece) I was Missing All Along - lauren3210 (31k)

Draco and Harry have been flatmates and best friends for years, and Draco thinks life is just perfect that way. But when something comes along and threatens to take all that away, Draco has to decide what it is he really wants, and just how hard he's going to work to get it.

The Gentlewizard Club - Sophie_French (28k)

Draco wants what Draco wants. And if he has to snuggle up to Harry to get it, well, surely, Draco can handle that. Problem is, not sure Harry can.

Larry:

A Little Bit Like Fate - Galaxie (8k)

Louis stumbles upon a kiss-in protest for LGBTQ rights, and he meets Harry. They click. It feels a little bit like fate.

Go Nowhere Tonight - objectlesson (12k)

As always, the easy nonchalance with which he treats the rumors hurts, stabs Harry in the gut, twists the knife. Because it is hard for Harry; it’s hard to know people think they should be or are together because he wants that. Wants it so fucking badly, and it would be one thing if he could just silently quarantine that part of himself and pine secretly, but instead he’s faced with fictionalized accounts of his and Louis’s nonexistent love life and photoshopped pictures of them being coupley every time he’s on the internet. It is hard, and the fact that it supposedly isn’t for Louis functions as proof that it’s unrequited. “It’s gonna be a rude awakening for them,” he starts, gazing into his empty glass, “when we eventually come out but are dating other people. No one likes being half-right.”

Good Enough to Eat - objectlesson (7k)

“Okay. I just...fuck, I can’t believe I’m telling you this,” Harry whimpers, and he must be blushing because Louis can feel waves of heat coming off him, his embarrassment a hot, palpable thing. “So, like…I love rimming videos. Nothing makes me come harder,” he admits, covering his face with his hands so his voice comes out muffled and strangled.

You Drive Me Crazy (I Just Can’t Sleep) - objectlesson (18k)

The first time Louis ends up in Harry’s bed is a total accident.

Vinyl and Lace - objectlesson (8k)

Harry tries on a skirt in the X Factor dressing room as a joke. Louis doesn't think it's very funny.

Wolfstar: 

Let Us Be Silent, That We May Hear the Whispers of the Gods - gyzym (2k)

Remus Lupin doesn't want to hear it--not tomorrow and not yesterday, but certainly not right now.

Trobed:

Advanced Ambulatory Ichthyology - gyzym (49k)

Course provides advanced instruction in avoidance of the phenomenon commonly known as "jumping the shark." Prerequisites for this course include Introduction to Friendship, Contemporary Best Friendship, The Politics of Emotional Baggage and Cohabitation 207. Students may wish to simultaneously enroll in our sister course, Introduction to Non-Traditional Romance, but said enrollment is optional.

Introduction to Women’s Studies - ama (7k)

You know the story. They're best friends, they're inseparable, Abra has a rainbow collection of hijabs as extensive and impressive as her graphic t-shirt collection and is the hottest girl Tory's seen outside of a mirror--not that that means anything. Right?

[birthdaysentiment]

The music in wtFOCK season 3 - Song #30

Zaterdag 09.41 // "Past Lives" - BØRNS

Up until this point, season 3 had been a roller-coaster of emotions, and after weeks with several ups and downs, it finally seemed like things were going in the right direction for Robbe and Sander. After spending weeks apart, they finally reunited the night before, and made a promise to each other, that it would always be the two of them in every universe. And as we learned months later, that night meant something very special to Robbe and Sander, because they consider it the beginning of their relationship, the day they chose to love each other.

That's why it came as a surprise to Robbe, that he woke up alone in his bed, without any signs of Sander. At first, he seemed a bit confused, and for a split second he wondered if last night actually happened, but he knows it was real, that they spend the whole night holding each other close, not wanting to let go, not wanting the moment to end. So, waking up without any trace of Sander, considering the nigh they had, was painful for Robbe and just when he was about to lose hope, thinking Sander had left him again, he came back, and the smile on Robbe's face was so heart-warming; he's so in love with Sander and there's no way for him to hide it.

But even though Robbe was relieved to see Sander again, he couldn't deny the emotions that emerged, when he thought Sander had left him. Because at some level, I think Robbe was a bit unsecure about their relationship and if they were going to stay together this time, and that's understandable, given everything they've been through. But Sander tries to reassure him, that he has nothing to worry about, that he won't get rid of him that easily and that everything is over between him and Britt. Maybe Robbe was doubting Sander, because he had made similar promises before, but there's something inside of Robbe, that believes Sander this time, that it's going to be the two of them from now on. And how can Robbe stay mad, when he sits in Sander's lap, while Sander looks up at him, with the most stunning eyes, making him look more beautiful than ever before.

At that point, I think Sander's words was enough for Robbe, because he didn't necessarily need a big explanation, Robbe just needed to know if Sander had meant what he said last night, that it was going to be the two of them forever. And Sander knows that feeling better than anyone, he understands the need for reassurance, because he sometimes feels the same way. He knows that he needs to erase the doubt in Robbe's mind, because for Sander there is no other option than Robbe, so he tells him, that from now on, it's just the two of them.

A sense of relief goes through Robbe's body after hearing those words, and you can see how his upper body seems to relax, while the firm expression on his face disappears as it gets replaced by a smile. Robbe closes his eyes, slowly leaning down towards Sander so their lips can collide, and everything feels intense and powerful, especially since the camera is, once again, so close to them. Because when their lips meet, it's the best feeling in the words, as it is a mixture of safety, comfort, passion, desire, love and so much more.

As they continue their passionate kiss, the music starts in the background, beginning with a high tone that blends with the soft melody of the song. It's sweet and tender, but when the melody gets higher, Sander flips them around, crawling up to lay on top of Robbe, so he can look deeply into his eyes. And at that point, the higher tones seem to come down from their peak, which creates a more mellow and loving atmosphere. Robbe is a bit surprised, but at the same time he giggles lightly, before the moment becomes more intimate and intense, as they look deeply and longing into each other's eyes.

When Sander whispers to Robbe, that he's holding him close and that he's never letting go of him, the softer melody fills the background, and it seems very fitting for the situation, that, in some way, need a deeper and more intimate feeling.  As they're lying close to each other, lips almost touching, the melody creates a calmness that surrounds them, almost resulting in a feeling of relief, but also a feeling of closeness, romance and happiness, and in that moment, it was impossible for my heart, not to skip a beat.

But what I find interesting about the song is the lyrics and the meaning behind them, which seems, not only, fitting to this clip and to Robbe and Sander, but the song could also be interpret to have a connection to the theory about parallel universes, a theory that's a huge part of season 3 in general. As Robbe and Sander deepens the kiss, making it more passionate and loving, the lyrics below can be heard in the background:

Past lives couldn't ever hold me down

Lost love is sweeter when it's finally found

I've got the strangest feelin'

This isn't our first time around

If you don't interpret the lyrics, they could indicate, that this isn't the first time Robbe and Sander kiss, or the first time they're being intimate with each other. But if you interpret the lyrics, they might indicate that Robbe and Sander have met in another life, that this isn't their first time around. However, in their current lives, they found each other, where all the time they've spend apart, only made their reunion even sweater, as we saw the night before this clip, where they finally found their way back to each other.

The artist, behind the song, talks about reincarnation, but I think the lyrics also can be seen in connection to parallel universes, because in some way, this isn't the first time Robbe and Sander have meet each other, this isn't the first time they kiss, because they're also together in other parallel universes, just with different names and looks. And I think that's the beauty about season 3, because Isak and Even's conversation about it in SKAM, actually became true, when the remakes made their own version of season 3.

Maybe I'm overanalysing, but I just remember hearing those two sentences and I immediately started thinking about parallel universes, and maybe that's why wtFOCK chose the song, to somehow acknowledge the other remakes with a very small detail. It's just interesting, that they only chose to have those lyrics in the clip, and once again I have a hard time believing it's a coincidence. But maybe the song got chosen, because it just fitted the vibe of the scene, the intensity, the intimacy and the closeness between Robbe and Sander.

The clip ends with Sander kissing down Robbe's neck, obviously having something in mind and Robbe just takes it all in; the pleasure, the enjoyment and the desire he has for Sander. And even though we had something big waiting for us, at the end of the week, it made emotional to know, that in that exact moment, Robbe and Sander were so in love with each other and just so happy to finally be together.

[serendipitous-magic]

Question Game - AKA Oversharing Hour

I was tagged by @the-angry-pixie​! And I’m a chronic oversharer, so this was fun. I’ll put most of it under a read more line because there’s a LOT.

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? 

Black. Dunno why.

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? 

City city city city city city city city. I’m already going fucking batshit as it is, trapped in suburbia. I want to be able to actually do things, anything. Anything other than just being around the house and / or work. (And I felt like this before the pandemic started.) If you live in the city you can walk out your door and be somewhere else within like 5 minutes. A city park, a cafe, a train/subway, a local attraction, a museum, an artist’s booth, an outdoor market, etc. etc. 

Living in suburbia is like, well, to go literally anywhere you have to get into your car first and drive like 10 minutes minimum to get out of the neighborhood, and then if you want to go anywhere that’s not the grocery store you have to drive 20 minutes to get to another area of town, and then once you get there that’s the only place you can be without getting into your car again and getting a nice shot of anxiety from having to drive in traffic and have aggressive drivers roar up on your ass because you’re going 5mph above the speed limit and they want to be going 15mph above, and god help you if you have to merge, and oh by the way this is your only option to get around because public transit doesn’t really exist in any useful way in Big Suburbia, and nothing in within walking distance of your house except like 2 playgrounds and maybe one (1) gas station. (I hate it here lmao)

If I was trapped in the country I’d probably be chill with it for about a week, and enjoy the break, and the on day 8 I’d snap and go on a murdering spree out of stir-craziness.

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? 

I want to learn German and eventually be fluent in it. But since I’ve already started trying to learn and I don’t know if that counts, I’ll say cinematography. As in the actual working of the camera and lighting and all that. I can dream up some pretty striking images but actually getting the camera to do the settings needed to capture them is another story entirely.

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? 

Nope. I drink coffee and tea both, and I don’t put any kind of sweetener in either of them. I used to put a shitton of sugar in my coffee and honey in my tea, and then I had some mild eating disorder struggles in college and I never got back in the habit of putting stuff in my hot drinks after that. It just tastes wrong now, after being used to plain black coffee.

5. What was your favourite book as a child? 

Either the Harry Potter series or The Hobbit. My grandma would take care of me a lot when I was really little because my parents both worked full time to support us, and every single time I was at her house she’d sit us down at the dining room table and read something to me. Not Junie B. Jones or anything, either, but real, big, thick books. I loved the shit out of Harry Potter and The Hobbit; I would request them repeatedly. We pretty much went back and forth; we’d read Harry Potter, and then The Hobbit, and then when a new Harry Potter book came out we’d read that, and then The Hobbit again, and so on and so forth.

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? 

Showers. I love baths, they’re magical, but ain’t nobody got time for that unless it’s a special occasion. I got too much shit to do to spend an hour lying in the bathtub.

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? 

Vampire. Purely on the basis that if I was immortal maybe I’d finally have time to get my to-do list done and accomplish things. I’d miss the sunlight though.

8. Paper or electronic books? 

Paper. Here’s the thing, I really want to enjoy ebooks, but they just don’t hold my attention at all. Maybe I’m too conditioned by the internet to have a short attention span when I’m looking at a screen, idk.

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? 

I have a dark gray hoodie from the Seattle Aquarium from when I went on a road trip across America with my BFF a few years ago. It’s still my absolute favorite thing. I also enjoy my hiking boots a lot. (I wear them all the time, really they should just be called “everyday boots” haha)

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it?

I like my name and I would also like to start going by something different. Probably just because I’m a restless soul and I feel the best (and least trapped) when I’m on the move or when things are changing. The second I get somewhere I want to be somewhere else. That’s just how I am. Gwen is a cool name (I’ve personally met maybe 3 people in my whole life with the same name, face-to-face), but there’s a lot attached to that nickname that I don’t necessarily want to carry with me when I eventually escape my hometown and start down a new path.

11. Who is a mentor to you? 

A friend and former professor whom I usually refer to online as Producer Man. He’s a producer (as you may have guessed) who kind of took me under his wing after I was in one of his film classes in college. We work together on film projects now and he’s teaching me bit-by-bit (usually by way of long, rambling, tangential stories / lectures) about the industry. He’s a really good guy. Like, he for sure has a case of Old White Guy sometimes, but his heart is absolutely in the right place. “He’s a little confused, but he’s got the spirit.” He’s always leaving $10 tips at coffee places and working himself to the bone to get his students connected to jobs and internships that will help them with their careers. 

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? 

Yes, my stories. Actually, “famous” is not the right word. It’s just that fame is so tightly associated with success in our society. I want to be successful. Whether I’m widely known or not is pretty inconsequential to me. I want to make stories and I want them to have an impact. Books, film, etc. It’s about as simple as that.

13. Are you a restless sleeper? 

Oh yeah. I have trouble  sleeping as much as I should because I usually kind of jerk awake in the morning with this vague feeling that I forgot something or that I’m late for something. Also I stay up later than I should because I’m a night owl, and yet I like being up early because early mornings are great. And usually if I dream at all it’s something kind of stressful, like I dream that I forgot something important or did something wrong. I’m a Stressed Bean. 

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? 

I think so, yeah. I’m pretty obsessed with the idea of romance (I mean look at my OTPs), but heteronormativity got me fucked up enough that I’m bad at actually navigating real romantic feelings or relationships because society never prepared me for The Gay.

15. Which element best represents you? 

Fire, probably.

16. Who do you want to be closer to? 

My mom. We fight a lot and there tends to be a lot of tension between us. It’s a long complicated story. It boils down to, she really hurt me when I came out as not-straight at 15 and she lost all of my trust and even though she’s working on being less homophobic we’re still kind of trying to repair that divide seven years later.

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? 

Dude, I miss everyone. I’m an introvert and I’d love to be at a big party right now. I miss socialization. (As does everyone.) 

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. 

The first time I experienced deja vu, I was about eehhh 6? And I legitimately believed, for several years of my life, that I had future-predicting abilities. Like, supernatural-level future-predicting abilities. Because I didn’t really know what deja vu was, so I thought, every time it happened, that I had already ~seen~ that moment in my dreams or something. 🤣

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? 

Hm. (My immature ass brain yells “DICK.” No, brain. Those were dark heteronormative times. Also, grow up.) 

Probably some of the sushi in Seattle. I actually love sushi, it’s just that when it has full-on legs and eyeballs I start getting a little squeamish. I like the rolls and the kind where there’s some fish meat laid out on a nice little bed of rice, that’s delicious. But when they brought out the whole shrimp with legs still attached, I was like “How in the (redacted) am I going to chew / swallow that.”

20. What are you most thankful for? 

That I happened to be living with family when this pandemic hit. I was supposed to move out (and across the country, actually) as of... like 4 days ago, as it happens. That was the plan. Plane ticket was gonna be booked for 7/15/20. Obviously, things didn’t quite work out that way, because of the pandemic and a few other reasons. But I can’t imagine if I had been in an apartment living with roommates, or in an apartment on my own struggling to get by, when this happened. A lot of people couldn’t pay rent and lost their homes. I was very, very lucky to be where I was, when I was, and very lucky that I have family who let me stay in their house pretty much indefinitely while this clusterfuck of a year happens.

21. Do you like spicy food? 

Yes! I looooove spicy thai food especially. I miss the massaman curry from a local Thai place so much 😭

22. Have you ever met someone famous? 

Um. Maybe? I met Veronica Roth once at an author talk in the library where I work, although it was before I worked there. And I met some guy from New Zealand who’s famous for his sword fighting skills because my dad does sword fighting stuff. Don’t remember his name though.

23. Do you keep a diary or journal? 

Yep. I have to write down everything or I forget. (I often say I have the memory of a goldfish.) Also, I have this compulsion to record and preserve my experiences in life, because I feel like our time on Earth is so fleeting and if I don’t write down what’s important to me, I’ll forget it and lose it.

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? 

Pen. Pencil gets smudged.

25. What is your star sign? 

Scorpio, which is ironic because they’re supposed to be ~hyper sexual~ I guess, and I’m like gray-ace or something in that zone.

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? 

Crunchy. Who eats soggy cereal? Are you okay? Do you need help? This is an intervention. 

27. What would you want your legacy to be? 

My stories. Life and sentience, as we experience it, is made up of just that: experience. And I read somewhere that, on some level, the human brain doesn’t differentiate that much between real life experiences and fictional experiences. I think that’s true. If you read or watch or hear the right story, it can really touch you and change the way you see life, or even change the way you live life. Stories have an incredible amount of power, both in individual people’s lives and in larger society. A huge amount of power. I want to be able to give people experiences that will Enrich Their Lives (do I sound like a lifestyle coach yet? 🤦🏼‍♀️), but also stories that actively do good in society. Positive representation, body positivity/neutrality, diversity, healthy relationships (Hollywood has a real problem with that). Hope. It’s the best thing I can think to give society, and storytelling is what I love to do.

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? 

I love reading. I wish I did it more. Part of my problem is that I get caught up in the hectic Rat Race of modern society and I never feel like I have time to sit down with a book for hours. Another problem of mine is that I start too many things at once, meaning I currently have like 5-10 (I lost count) books that I started reading, and I want to finish all of them, which means no progress ever gets done on any of them.

I last finished The Goldfinch, and I am currently working on The Secret History, Good Omens, Dune, a book my dad wrote, Directing Actors, Shot by Shot, The Way of Kings and I forget what else.

29. How do you show someone you love them? 

Physical affection, acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, and gifts, in that order. If I’m close to someone, whether romantically or not, I want all the affection. And I’m kind of dying in quarantine. 

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? 

Depends. I usually don’t put any in, because it’s just gonna water down the drink and get in the way of drinking it (you know when the ice attacks your face?), but I don’t really mind ice in my drinks.

31. What are you afraid of? 

Helplessness. I Have Control Issues. ✌️ Also stagnation.

32. What is your favourite scent? 

Amber. Or any scent that’s kind of autumn-y. You know what I mean. Some other examples include dryer sheets, wood smoke, cigarette smoke (my big sister used to smoke a long long time ago, and although I never saw her do it, I still associate the scent with her), pine resin, rain, that Mahogany Woods scent from Bath and Bodyworks.

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? 

If they introduce themselves as Pam I call them Pam. If they introduce themselves as Mr. Brown I call them Mr. Brown.

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? 

 If “money is not a factor” means I have an infinite amount of money to spend as I wish, then: buy land, build film studio complex on land, found company, hire fellow creatives, make movies.

If “money is not a factor” just means that I don’t have to work 40 hours a week to afford rent, then: move to Chicago, rent a nice studio apartment, write stories, maybe work 15 hours a week at a used bookstore or coffee shop to get me out of the house and socialize. Go to museums, go to the park, walk along Lake Michigan, go to gay bars, ride the train, brave the Illinois winters, own a cat, paint, play guitar. Build my actual career on writing / storytelling. Probably also do some filmmaking.

Alternatively: buy an RV (not like an American Trailer Park shitty RV, I’m talking the NOICE ones), buy good film equipment, be a freelancer, live in RV driving around to wherever the next filming location is. Life is a road trip and I’m doing what I love. Writing, storytelling, filmmaking. My home would travel with me. Writing in cafes; roadside attractions; early mornings on the road with coffee in the cup holder as the sun comes up; being able to go anywhere to film; always experiencing something new.

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? 

I’ve lived in a landlocked state my whole life, so I guess swimming pools. And, listen, I CANNOT get water in my mouth at the beach without wondering exactly how many kids have peed (or worse) in that water. (I know that’s a thing with pools too, but pools get cleaned.)

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? 

Wonder what some poor European is doing in America right now. But if it was $50, I’d probably yell “DID ANYONE DROP THIS?” and then take it if no one speaks up.

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? 

A few times, yeah.

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? 

Grades are not the end-all-be-all. Skip some homework assignments to spend time with friends. Skip class sometimes. I’m serious. If you make school your top priority, even over your own personal life, you will come away with good grades and a lot of regret and missed opportunities. Learning is HELLA important, and very very little of it happens inside a school building. Get a 15 hour weekend or after-school job in high school, befriend your coworkers, and have fun with it. Use your paychecks however you want. Join a school club - one that you’re actually interested in. Do stupid shit. Light your textbooks on fire after graduation or go to the 24 hour Wendy’s at 2am with your friends or kiss that person you met at summer camp or sleep on the porch because it’s too hot to sleep inside. Be smart and safe, but follow your whims. If you let yourself fall into routine, apathy will poison you.

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? 

I already have a couple small ones, but the one I want next is a four-leaf clover. Don’t know where. Maybe my right inner wrist or maybe an ankle. Or like behind my ear. Luck has saved me so many times. (See above, with how I happened to be living with family when COVID hit.)

40. What can you hear now? 

Swamp cooler downstairs, the clock ticking in my office, cars outside, people moving around the house. I’m surprised the neighbor kids aren’t shrieking their absolute heads off as per the usual. 

41. Where do you feel the safest? 

When I’m alone and unobserved. 

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? 

TMI warning, but I absolutely despise public bathrooms. How am I expected to pee when there’s somebody sitting like three (3) feet away, with only a partial wall between us, hearing everything that’s going on? My fight or flight response simply will not allow it. It’s too awkward and therefore Not Safe. Either that public restroom has to be empty except for me, or it has to be so loud and bustling that ain’t nobody hearing anything. Anything in-between and I’m in hell.

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be? 

The ‘80s. Let’s be honest, even that far back makes my life (as a woman, and as a gay person) hella difficult. But, consider this: it’s the ‘80s. Furthermore, consider this: a part-time job might have actually supported me and paid rent back then 😱 Holy fucking shit. Sign me up. I just wouldn’t want to go any further than than like 1980, because again: lesbian. Being a woman in the past = even harder than it is today, being gay in the past = even harder than it is today, being a gay woman in the past = oh no.

44. What is your most used emoji? 

In order of descending frequency:

😂🙄😊😁🤦🏼‍♀️👀😬🌈🤷🏼‍♀️😙

45. Describe yourself using one word. 

Creative

46. What do you regret the most?

Wasting my entire teenage experience. (See #38.) I did quite literally nothing with my life except homework for like 18 years. If I had taken even a tenth as much time for myself as I did for school, I would be so much farther along as a person today.

47. Last movie you saw? 

In the theaters? ........ uh. Shit, I don’t actually remember. It’s been like 5 months. (As it has for everyone.) But the last movie I watched was Lights Out, because I’ve been watching the director’s youtube channel. You could tell it was low-budget and that the director was still kind of finding his stride, but it had a lot of heart behind it and the creators clearly gave a fuck, which made it enjoyable. I am firmly in the camp of “not everything has to be a Magnum Opus or have a multi-billion dollar budget to be a good movie.” If I engaged with it and got some sort of emotional experience out of it, and if it had a good message, I consider it a good movie.

48. Last tv show you watched? 

I don’t usually watch a whole lot of TV shows (who has the time?) but I think the last thing I watched was either The Witcher or that new Unsolved Mysteries miniseries on Netflix. Oh and I was watching Dead to Me because I just love Linda Cardellini’s face and I want to wrap Judy up in a blanket and cuddle the shit out of her and protect her from all things 🥺 My precious beautiful unstable sweet murder baby.

49. Invent a word and it’s meaning. 

Apapanic. It’s where you’re so stressed about things that half of your brain is panicking but the other half is so overwhelmed that it circled all the way back around to being calm to the point of apathy, so you just kind of sit there like

[tempolarriefix]

dig deeper tag game

thank you so much to one of my favorite people ever @goldenfive for tagging me in this q&a. ilysm! xx 1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen? black gel pen is my go-to!

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or in the city? in the city. i love the feeling of everything all bustling, busy, and lit-up around me.

3. If you could learn a new skill, what would it be? this is going to sound sort of weird but i’ve been really tempted to learn lockpicking lately? so i’ll say that haha!

4. do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? ........yes, a lot of sugar. probably “too much” sugar.

5. What was your favourite book as a child? i hadn’t thought about this series in ages but i loved The Land of Elyon series and also Dealing with Dragons. 6. Do you prefer baths or showers? showers! my old roommate loved baths and so i tried to get into them but its just not my thing.

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? something with magical powers!

8. Paper or electronic books? i always say that i prefer paper but... when was the last time I actually read a hardcopy book? i have no idea. so truthfully, electronic.

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? an oversized hawaiian style shirt with a Brave (like the disney/pixar movie) inspired design

10. Do you like your name? Would you like to change it? i used to not really like it but now i do. (Teachers also always used to say things like “wow your parents named you serena and you really are so serene!” so that’s probably a factor). 

11. Who is a mentor to you? i’m not sure actually? I guess my professor is.

12. Would you like to be famous? If so, what for? not really! i dont really like attention and overthink everything so i think if i were famous i’d just be stressin over every detail of everything all the time.

13. Are you a restless sleeper? nope! i’m a very deep sleeper.

14. Do you consider yourself to be a romantic person? not really? i love the concept of romance and enjoy romantic movies/books/fics but when it comes to real life I feel like making things super romantic also adds a lot of pressure so i’d rather just be chill 

15. Which element best represents you? everyone says water signs are emotional and i am both a water sign and emotional so... i guess water?

16. Who do you want to be closer to? all my friends! while social distancing it’s been so different connecting with people and i feel like i’ve drifted quite a lot from the people i used to see almost every other day. 17. Do you miss someone at the moment? not any more than usual! Im always missing my long distance friends & my boyfriend.

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. this is too vague idk what memory to share hahaha.

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? i’ll usually try anything once. i guess chicken feet is prob the strangest? 

20. What are you most thankful for? my loved ones being safe & healthy 

21. Do you like spicy food? yes but i’m sort of weak so there will be tears streaming out of my eyes even tho i’m having a good time.

22. Have you ever met someone famous? i met drake bell when i was in college bc a student club i was part of hosted him for a charity concert event. he was chill and actually had a really good voice during his sound check but then he got high during his meet & greet and after that at the actual show he didn’t sound quite as good hahaha. He was super nice & even took a pic with me for free tho!

23. Do you keep a diary or journal? nope. i used to keep a planner and even that didn’t last haha

24. Do you prefer to use pen or pencil? pencil if i’m working on something where i’ll make mistakes like writing or math but pen if im just jotting down notes or whatever.

25. What is your star sign? cancer

26. Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy? soggy

27. What would you want your legacy to be? soph’s answer is literally so beautiful so i’m gonna steal it too: “that i made the world a little bit kinder and brighter and better while i was alive” 28. Do you like reading? What was the last book you read? i do enjoy reading but mostly i read fics! the last fic i read was adjudication by @bottomlinsons and it is FANTASTIC. the last actual book i read was the first game of thrones book. 

29. How do you show someone you love them? quality time is my love language!

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? usually! i’m drinking iced coffee as i fill this out haha

31. What are you afraid of? failure

32. What is your favourite scent? the smell of an ice cream shop when you first walk in

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? whatever they introduce themselves to me as. if they don’t, then surname.

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? i would travel so much. if money wasn’t a factor i wouldn’t have to worry about affording to travel OR being able to take time off to do so... it would be great. i wouldn’t always choose the best value option when i purchased anything and would be able to actually support brands that have good values (sustainability, good wages for employees, etc.). i would donate to everything i’ve ever wanted to bc i always feel bad about having to pick which causes i feel most for bc i can’t afford to donate to everything. also i would drink way too much boba (which, let’s be real, i already do).

.35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? the ocean! though i guess i dont really swim so much as like... wave jump haha.

36. What would you do if you found $50 on the ground? try to see if someone lost it and if i couldn’t find them, then keep it.

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish? yes and of course!

38. What is one thing you would want to teach your children? just one? hahaha

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? i have no idea but i would get it someplace hidden where no one would see it, not even me. maybe like a dot on the bottom of my foot lol. i really.... don’t want a tattoo.

40. What can you hear right now? construction noises

41. Where do you feel the safest? in bed

42. What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer? feeling like i’ll never find a career or even field of work that i’m actually passionate about and enjoy and can actually make a steady living in 43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be? maybe ancient egypt? there’s a lot of cool times to go back to & i’m really indecisive haha. 44. What is your most used emoji? red heart

45. Describe yourself using one word. indecisive

46. What do you regret the most? dwelling on things that were not important and letting it affect my happiness too much

47. Last movie you saw? the warcraft movie lol. i don’t recommend it but playing warcraft is great.

48. Last tv show you watched? either greys anatomy or b99, i can’t remember which was last 49. Invent a word and its meaning idk if there’s a word for this already, but i need a word for feeling like you want to be busy and have things to do when you don’t but then not wanting to do anything when you finally do. bc thats....me. hahaha.

anyways this is pretty long so thanks if you actually read it all. if you want to do this, i’ll tag @harryeatsburger, @louandhazzalove, @bottomlinsons, @nauticalleeds, @soft1ov, @allwaswell16, @lululawrence, @forreveries, @lightwoodsmagic, @ferricadooza, and anyone else who wants to do this. i highly recommend it when procrastinating other projects hahaha.

[thedaughterofkings]

Tag Game: Dig a Little Deeper

Thank you for the tag, @theproblemwithstardust! These are always fun to think through!

1. do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen? Blue

2. would you prefer to live in the country or in the city? Depends on the city - I was very happy in Edinburgh, but wouldn’t be able to live in New York, I think, at least not for long. In general, the happy middle is ideal - big enough to get most of the advantages of a city (big shops with long opening hours, good travel connections, some cultural options), but small enough and close enough to the country side to have a garden and a short way into a forest

3. if you could learn a new skill, what would it be? I think I’d like to be better at handy man type things, and just feel more confident to try them out? Other than that there are so many instruments I’d love to learn!

4. do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? I very, very rarely drink coffee, and if I do I’ll often add some sugar. But I drink tea every day and take no sugar there.

5. what was your favorite book as a child? An old book of my grandma’s, from when she was a child, which I used to read every single time we visited! It was about four sisters and their coming of age and I just loved it! I really need to reread it. Other than that our fairy tale books (good old German bloody versions, no disney sugar in this household!), and Max Kruse’s Urmel series!

6. do you prefer baths or showers? Showers for sure! I pretty much only take a bath in winter and then I’ll usually take a quick shower afterwards to wash my hair, because washing my hair in the bath is a pain that will lead to flooding.

7. if you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? A DRAGON!!!!! If that’s for some reason not an option, then a selkie!

8. paper or electronic books? Paper books and electronic fics - though I’ve seen some book binding tutorials making the rounds and I’m very tempted now to print out my favourites and bind them prettily!

9. what is your favorite item of clothing? Gosh, I don’t even know? Probably a dress, but I wouldn’t be able to choose between them...

10. do you like your name? would you like to change it? I like it and wouldn’t want to change it! It’s relatively rare here (though not world wide, so not some strange invention from my parents), but not to the point of being incomprehensible (usually - there have been some interesting spellings, especially from English speaking people) and I think it fits me!

11. who is a mentor to you? My mum? But she’s my mum, so does she really count as a mentor? Singing wise perhaps my conductor, but she’s also a pain, so there’s that? I can’t really think of someone I’d truly call my mentor!

12. would you like to be famous? if so, what for? To do Dancing with the Stars! (Or Strictly, or Let’s dance, wherever they’ll take me!) No seriously, I’d love to do one of the dance shows, and that’s the only reason I’d like to be famous. I’d like to be reasonably rich of course, to be financially secure enough to be able to easily help family and friends and causes close to my heart (and buy and uphold a Scottish castle), but you don’t necessarily need to be famous for that. But just being famous for famous-sake? To be recognised wherever you go? No thanks. That sounds absolutely horrible.

13. are you a restless sleeper? That’s a pretty resounding yes unfortunately.

14. Do you consider yourself to be a romantic person? Oh god, I don’t even know. Do I enjoy romance? In fic yes, in books and films often not, in realy life excessive PDA creeps me out and honestly, my threshold for that is super low, so excessive probably means more like ‘any PDA’. As for whether I’m personally romantic? I’ve never been a romantic relationship and I’m not sure I even want to be!

15. which element best represents you? Earth perhaps? I’m not really sure what the elements even represent, though, so who knows! Probably not fire, though :p

16. who do you want to be closer to? I’m good actually, I think!

17. do you miss someone at the moment? Not in a particular ‘I miss you right now and won’t miss you in an hour’ way. I always miss my dad and grandpa, but that’s a different kind of missing, I think.

18. tell us about an early childhood memory. I remember the blinds and doors of the holiday home we stayed in when I was ... four? five? And the path to the beach!

19. what is the strangest thing you have eaten? I’m not the most adventurous eater admittedly, but as far as ‘I’ll never eat it again’, I took a bite out of a pickled egg once and it was properly disgusting!

20. what are you most thankful for? My family and my living circumstances (is that a word? term? It sounds weird)

21. do you like spicy food? Not reallyyyyyy - some spice is okay, and some spiciness is worse than others, but in general I’m a total wuss.

22. have you ever met someone famous? I said good morning to David Tennant, but I’m not sure I’d call that “having met him”.

23. do you keep a diary or journal? Nope! I’ve started one a couple of times, but never made it beyond three days or so!

24. do you prefer to use pen or pencil? Generally a pen, but a pencil is fine, too!

25. what is your star sign? Leo

26. do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy? Crunchy! (though I haven’t had actual cereal in ages)

27. what would you want your legacy to be? Positive, if I’m to have a legacy at all

28. do you like reading? What was the last book you read? Very much so! I last read Cornelia Funke’s Reckless series.

29. how do you show someone you love them? I try to tell them, and I try to make sure they know I’m here to listen or help or talk or whatever they need. I’m not sure I always succeed, though...

30. do you like ice in your drinks? No.

31. what are you afraid of? Not being good enough.

32. what is your favorite scent? My roses - individuals with a superb scent are The Lady of Shalott, Rose de Resht and Sweet Juliet, but there’s something really special about that first breath of rose air when Frühlingsduft (scent of spring), the first rose of the year blooms!

33. do you address older people by their name or surname? Surname! Unless they offer their first name and the ‘Du’, and even then I’ll probably try to avoid using either^^°

34. if money was not a factor, how would you live your life? I’d buy a Scottish castle and plant so many roses!

35. do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? Definitely pools, I’m always just a little afraid something is going to happen in natural water^^°

36. what would you do if you found $50 in the ground? I’d collect them (Unless I just saw who lost them) but try to put it towards something charitable (not 50, but one day I found two pounds on the ground, gave them to the homeless person with the kitty on Princes Street, found another pound, gave that to the one with the pupper and found another three, I think! That was a really nice day)

37. have you ever seen a shooting star? did you make a wish? Yes and yes!

38. what is one thing you would want to teach your children? To be kind? To themselves and others

39. if you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? A watercolour tattoo probably, perhaps of a dragon or fox, or a flower, and somewhere not always on display

40. what can you hear now? If I opened the window I’d probably hear at least some birds (some woke me up this morning with unholy yowling)

41. where do you feel the safest? At home.

42. what is one thing you want to overcome/conquer? My perfectionism that usually appears through some really strong procrastination. I also wish I was better at talking to people, especially people I don’t know or who are intimidating (which is everyone I don’t know and quite of those I know a little). I’ve mostly come to terms with my shyness, but that doesn’t make everything easy suddenly, unfortunately.

43. if you could travel back to any era, what would it be? There’s way too many! But for just one I’d love to see a Shakespeare play in the Globe when it was performed originally, ideally Twelfth Night or Hamlet! And I’d like to meet Queen Elizabeth I!

44. what is your most used emoji? 😘 probably or 😊

45. describe yourself using one word. overwhelmed (I am also hungry and tired right now, and that plays a big part in that - ask me again in an hour or so when I’ve eaten and the world will look a little more rose-y again^^°)

46. what do you regret the most? I can’t think of anything I truly regret - there are things I wish I’d done differently, but what’s done is done and I have to do the best with what I have now

47. last movie you saw? The Martian!

48. last tv show you watched? Die purpurnen Flüsse/Les rivières pourpres (the purple rivers), a French (German co production?) series based on the novel the Jean Reno film was based on!

49. invent a word and its meaning. This is hard because in German you can just compound away, so for every thing I think of, I’m like ‘but you could just put these three words together for the same effect!!!’ But this is English, so I’ll go with “pflundering” - the sound a bird makes when it takes a very enthusiastic bath!

This took quite a bit, and my brain is no longer able to come up with people to tag, so I’m tagging you, person who actually read through this! Do it (be honest, you already thought up most of your answers while reading it^^) and tag me, I’m curious!

[cherryredicarus]

do you prefer writing with a blue or black pen? black

would you prefer to live in the city or the country? mm in the city, I'd visit the countryside tho

if you could learn a new skill, what would it be? instruments!! i would like to instantly be able to shred my guitar

do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? I usually only drink pre-made tea and i put creamer in my coffee

what was your favorite book as a child? probably milkweed by jerry spinelli or the secret identity of Devon Delaney... those two books could not being any different in subject matter if i tried fjdjfjd

do you prefer baths or showers? aesthetically, baths but i no longer have a tub so I'm rlly only taking showers yk

if you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? okay get this: vampires

paper or electronic books? paper when possible! i like the feel of them in my hand

what is your favorite item of clothing? long t-shirts / my hoodies

do you like your name? would you like to change it? i like it well enough! my mom wouldve named me margreet otherwise, so i basically got stuck between two distinct European names sjsj

who is a mentor to you? any female English teacher <3

would you like to be famous? if so, what for? mmm in the social sense where my words and opinions have a larger platform and i'm listened to. if i ever made music, I'd probably want it to be from that

are you a restless sleeper? normally no,,,, but i fuck myself over during the school year and sleep in bursts so im up and doing homework at 4 am djsj.

do you consider yourself to be a romantic person? i focus on the romance of friendship so much oh my God

which element best represents you? probably air/earth. kind of spacey and free-flowing but patient and loyal yk

who do you want to be closer to? my family but also not bc i disagree with everything they say so... conflicted <3

do you miss someone at the moment? so many :( most notably my friend raina and my friend maggie

tell us about an early childhood memory when my cousin used to live with me, when i was like 4-6, she stopped sleeping in my room with me and only slept with her dad. some nights i snuck into their room and laid on the floor in the dark, listening to the sound of their breaths, letting it lull me to sleep. i usually only slept for a little bit and then snuck back out.

what is the strangest thing you have eaten? eh i mean pickled tomatoes? dried crickets?

what are you most thankful for? cheesy but L❤VE! for my pets and my friends i love them sm

do you like spicy food? usually! i prefer that the spice doesnt overpower the taste but i have been known to down a family sized bag of xxtra hot cheetos before.

have you ever met someone famous? literally no. my brother met arnold schwarzenegger tho

do you keep a diary or journal? did you mean: my notes app (but also i do keep a physical one for when im feeling more volatile and i need to personally write something)

do you prefer to use pen or pencil? pen

what is your star sign? my sun sign is capricorn

do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? when i was younger i used to wait to eat my frosted flakes so it was soft and the milk was sweet djfjdj. but now i usually eat it crunchy

what would you want your legacy to be? mm, kindness in the face of the cruelty of the world

do you like reading? what was the last book you read? YES i love reading,,, however finishing something is totally different... im currently in the middle of reading stone butch blues and the foxhole court lol

how do you show someone you love them? literally all of the ways love is in everything i do :( but usually i tell them, im physically affectionate with them, i try to be super supportive, i become their sugar mommy, etc

do you like ice in your drinks? listen. if it's already cold. what does it need ice for.

what are you afraid of? my self destructive tendencies

what is your favorite scent? vanilla or tangerine

do you address older people by their name or surname? like in school, by their surnames. at my work, by their first names.

if money was not a factor, how would you live your life? donating to every gofundme i saw.... a cool two story house of my own.... traveling the world without stressing and planning meticulously

do you prefer swimming in lakes or oceans? seeing as ive done neither, uhh lakes?

what would you do if you found 50$ on the ground? if i knew who dropped it, return it. but if it's just randomly lying there uhh take it home and put it in my cash stash.

have you ever seen a shooting star? did you make a wish? no...

what is one thing you want to teach your children? *if*I have any- literally nothing is real. gender is a social construct. love and kindness are the only things worth anything.

if you had to get a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? OOOh skdk i remember @killjoylouis and i joking about getting matching rbb and sbb tattoos somewhere gay. i dont personally desire any tattoos of my own but im so down for matching ones

what can you hear now? silence...the floors shifting..

where do you feel the safest? my grandma's house

what is one thing you want to overcome/conquer? my lingering melancholy and disillusionment with the loneliness of adulthood.

if you could travel back to any era, what would it be? THE 70S!!! DISCO PARTIES!!! ABBA!! THE FASHION!!

what is your most used emoji? 🙄 (someone was ranting 2 me ab straight ppl earlier dkkd)

describe yourself in one word. tender

what do you regret the most? literally most of my childhood years... i was so lonely and bitter and i just wanted attention any way i could get it... sometimes i made ppl cry and didnt care and looking back on it now i want to go into a coma!!!

last movie you saw? vita & virginia

last TV show you watched? she-ra and the princesses of power (the 2018 reboot)

(i was tagged by @killjoylouis to do this heehee love u sm!!)

now I tag (optional): @calmvocals , @noahvsart , @highscal , @h-isforhome , @cliffoconda

[olicitysecretsanta]

True identity

Happy Holidays to @smoakmonster. Hope you’ll enjoy some nice Smoak-Queen-Clayton holiday goodness.

Summary: It’s time for the holiday’s and William is quite nervous to introduce his new significant other to his family.

Rate: G  Genre: Future Fic

William stops at the threshold of the kitchen and smiles at the site before him. His father is at the stove cooking what he’s sure is another delicious meal, while his little sister and stepmother are at the dining table icing sugar cookies. It’s an image he misses seeing.

  He’s been living at Ivy University for almost four years now, yet he still feels like that little boy who was sent away to boarding school anxious about his family’s safety. That’s why every time he sees them well and happy, he always breathes a sigh of relief. It’s irrational considering his parents are literal superheroes that are more than capable of protecting themselves. But that constant feeling of worry never truly goes away, no matter how much has changed in the past few years.

  William hasn’t been back home since that one weekend back in October when he surprised his baby sister with a visit for her birthday. Before that, it was during summer vacation. Since it’s his last year and trying to wrap up his senior year of college, he’s busy as ever. He didn’t even have time to come home during Thanksgiving, something his family was disappointed about but understood. 

  That’s why he’s making as much of an effort to be with them now. After all the crap they’ve been through, William has developed a sort of separation anxiety when it comes to his family, especially after his baby sister’s born. He’s learned to grow out of it… mostly. But not seeing them for that long has made him want to spend time with them whenever he can.

  Also, he wants this feeling of being with his family before… well before everything changes between them.

  His little sister’s the first one to notice him. She looks up from the cookie she’s decorating and her face lights up.

  “Will!” she squeals, immediately jumping off the chair and runs over to him, tackling him with a hug.

  “Hey there monkey.” he says affectionately, lifting her up.

  “Mia, be careful not to get any icing on your brother.” Felicity says warningly as she wipes her own hand with a hand towel.

  “It’s okay, i don’t mind.” he truly doesn’t. His baby sister is one of the many joys of his life and he will take every tackle hug he can get from her.

  Their lives in the past ten years have been a roller coaster to say the least. It’s been filled with so much tragedy and heartache; his baby sister being born had been like a light shining down on them, giving them the hope they needed to move past everything. For him especially. He’s experienced so many losses in his life that having this baby, representing the love of his family, has become his saving grace.

  His baby sister is still clinging on to him, both of her legs wrap around his torso as her arms wrap around his neck. It’s easier now since her limbs have grown a couple of inches. It’s amazing how much she has grown since the last time he’s seen her. Mia’s only seven and she’s already growing at a rapid pace, it’s enough to make him feel homesick.

  “Still, Mia needs to learn manners, even if you are her brother.”

  Mia immediately shakes her head, burying her face on the crook of his brother’s neck. She’s just as needy for her big brother. Felicity sighs, knowing no amount of scolding will get her daughter to separate from him.

  “How are you, honey?” she asks her son, kissing his temple and ruffling his hair, something she always did ever since he was a kid. “Are you feeling all better now?”

  “Yeah i’m good, I guess I just needed the rest.”

  “What’s going on? You’re never usually this tired after your trip. Is everything okay, hun?”

  William tenses for a moment, wondering if his stepmother has caught on to what’s been brewing in his head. But when he sees the genuine worry on her face, he realizes it’s just her being concerned and he relaxes a little.

  “I’m fine.” he croaks out, giving her a timid smile. “Really, I think this semester is just starting to get to me.”

  Felicity smiles at him warmly “I’m sure you’re doing great, sweety.”

  “I hope so.” he sighs. Though the pressure’s of his last year in college is always looming in the back of his mind, it wasn’t exactly the reason why he’s so nervous.

  “Will come help decorate the cookies with us!” Mia suddenly pipes up, pulling her head off the crook of his neck. “Please, please, please!”

  “Hey what about me?” Oliver’s voice pipes up from the stove, looking at the three of them with a feign pout on his face. “Why’s nobody helping me?”

  “Because you’re a control freak in the kitchen, hon.”

  “Only because my options for sous chef is our 7 year old daughter and… well you.”

  Felicity looks at him offended.

  “Oh come on, honey, let’s not pretend here. You’re amazing at a lot of things, but cooking is not one of them.”

  “But I want to decorate cookies with Will!”

  “Hey little monkey,” Will says to his sister gently. “How bout you decorate cookies with mom and i’ll cook with dad. I’ll be right behind you the whole time.”

  Mia continues to pout but nods nonetheless. Her hold on his loosens and Will lets her down gently. He walks over to his dad by the stove, welcoming a hug from him before he’s put to work, helping with chopping the vegetables.

  The whole counter is filled with all sorts of food, prepped and ready to be cooked. In six hours from now, their whole friends and family will arrive for their holiday dinner. Their family alternates every year on who hosts the Christmas dinner. It just so happens that this year, not only is it their turn, but Christmas Eve is also the first day of Hanukkah so their menu also includes all of Felicity’s favorite Hanukkah food. Even the holiday cookies Felicity and Mia are decorating are more Hanukkah themed than the usual red and green Christmas theme from before.

  Normally they would have a small dinner on the first day of Hanukkah as it usually falls separately from Christmas. The 25th would be when their whole extended family and friends join them for a big feast. But on those years when the two holiday’s combine, they always turn it into a big celebration. Needless to say the food prep this year is insane and Oliver can only do so much on his own.

  “This is a lot. It seems a lot more than last time.” Will notices.

  “It’s a special year.” was all Oliver says as he stirs the pot.

  “Are any of these for the homeless shelter as well?”

  “No, Dig’s already dropped those off today.”

  “So why so much food. How many people are coming this year?”

  “Just the normal lot. Your Uncle Dig’s family, Rene, Curtis, Dinah and their family. And of course, your Alex.”

  At that, William’s breath hitches.

  “We weren’t sure what food Alex likes so your father thought to just cook everything,” Felicity adds.

  He looks at his parents, expecting them to grill him some more, but both Oliver and Felicity are in their own little world. His father stirring whatever’s he’s cooking and Felicity frosting the cookies with Mia. They are still none the wiser.

  He and Alex have been dating for a couple of months now though they’ve known each other for years. Ever since sophomore year of college when he became Alex’s tutor, the two have been friends. The beginning of this school year, they finally took the plunge and started dating.

  Now Alex is coming to their Holiday party and officially meet his parents and William is absolutely terrified of the outcome. It’s the first time he’s brought someone home since… well since his high school girlfriend and that one didn’t count since his family already knows her. It’s a pretty big deal for his family and for him too, but for completely different reasons.

  “I’m sure Alex will like anything you guys make.”

  “Still, we want to make sure Alex feels at home here.” his father says sincerely.

  William swallows a large lump in his throat. It almost makes him want to break down at his father’s words. He doesn’t know how much those words mean to him and only hop they still hold true when Alex comes.

  “So when is Alex getting here?” Felicity asks.

  “Uumm… any minute now.” he checks his SQ Smart Watch for the last message letting him know the ETA. “Zoe went to pick Alex up at the train station, they’re already on their way here.”

  “Isn’t it a little bit strange that your ex-girlfriend is picking Alex up?”

  William shrugs. “I don’t think it is. Zoe’s known about Alex since before we got together and she’s cool with it.”

  “I don’t mean about Zoe.”

  “Alex’s  fine with it too.” he assures his father. “Alex knows how important Zoe is to me and everything we went through. Well not all the gory details, but, you know.”

  Having experienced trauma like he and Zoe did, it was something that brought them together in their teenage years. They leaned on each other whenever their city and family were being terrorized. Zoe’s his best friend, the one person outside of his family he would go through the end of the world for. His love for her never went away, it only grew. Though it didn’t grow into romance like they expected it would, neither did her love for him, but what they have now is special.

  When he first started liking Alex, she’s the first person he called. They were already broken up, but still remained close friends. Whenever there’s something going on in his life that he doesn’t want to talk to his parents with, Zoe’s always that person he turns to. Knowing he has her support has made this whole thing easy.

  “Oh come on, honey, it’s not like it’s the strangest thing in the world for his ex girlfriend and current boyfriend to be friends.” Felicity says with a snort. “Do you realize how many of your ex-girlfriend I’m friends with. And how many of my ex boyfriends you’re friends with.”

  “As I recall, it’s only the one.” Oliver retorts. “Just Sara… and your ex-boyfriend Ray.”

  “What about Laurel and Barry?”

  “Laurel doesn’t count, she’s a doppelganger-”

  “Yeah but I was also friends with our Laurel. She was gonna be my bridesmaid for pete’s sake.”

  “And Barry also doesn’t count, you two went on like one date.”

  “We went on a couple dates only, I admit that, but it was enough for you not to like him at first.” she says, giving him a teasing look. “And now he’s one of your best friends. Just like i’m sure Zoe and Alex can be friends too. Besides, they kind of have to be because it’s not like Zoe’s gonna be out of our lives any time soon, right hon?”

  She looks over at her son with a beaming smile, as though this is one of those moments when they gang up on Oliver together. Though all she sees is her son, his face pale white and his eyes widen in shock.

  “Are you alright Will? Why are you -” then she gasps and clasp her mouth. Her eyes widen, looking back and forth between her son and husband. She realized her slip up. “I’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to spill the beans.”

  “How… how did you…” Will stammers, his hand starting to shake.

  “Here, let me take that.” Oliver says gently, taking the cauliflower in his hand and putting it on the chopping board. “Mia, why don’t you go play with the tablet in the living room?”

  His daughter immediately whips her head around to look at him, a scowl on her face. “But i’m decorating the cookies, Daddy!”

  “I know, but your mom and I need to talk to your brother for a minute.”

  “Why can’t I stay and talk too?”

  “Cause this is grown up stuff we need to talk to Will first.”

  “Is this about his boyfriend? I already know about that.” the young girl rolls her eyes.

  “Moira Elizabeth Queen,” Felicity says in her sternest mom voice. “Listen to your father please. We just need a moment to speak to your brother.”

  “Fine.” the young girl sighs and steps off the chair. “But I’m watching Doctor Who on the tablet.”

  “One episode.”

  Mia didn’t respond, which probably means she’ll try to download more than one episode. Right now Felicity can’t really manage her daughter’s watching habits as she needs to make sure her son is alright first. As soon as their daughter is out of sight, she turns to her son.

  “Oh honey, i’m so sorry.” she says apologetically. “I didn’t mean to take this away from you. I know you wanted to tell us on your own terms.”

  Her hand rubs his arms in a comforting manner, the way she always does whenever he’s feeling anxious. The feel of it made William feel a little bit better, but his head is still wrapping around the fact that his parents know.

  “How did you… know? That Alex is… ” he couldn’t finish the sentence.

  He feels his mouth going dry and his eyes burning with unshed tears. He didn’t think this is how it would happen. He had mentally prepared for this, gone over in his head how he wanted this to go. He expected to sit down his parents and break it down to them slowly. Never did he expect for them to already know.

  “A boy?” Oliver finishes for him. “We’ve known since you told us you were dating him, Will.”

  “But… How?”

  Felicity shrugs, looking over at her husband. The two share a look, one that Will has seen a million times before. It’s the one where it looks like they’re exchanging words with just a look. Will has never been able to decode it, and now he’s even more nervous knowing the subject they’re most likely communicating about to each other.

  “We just knew.” Felicity says simply. “We knew something about you had changed. And the way you talked about Alex, it was different. Besides, you also mentioned Alex before and you definitely referenced him as a boy.”

  “I did?”

  “Mh-hm. We listen to you, Will. He’s the boy you tutored two years ago, right? You wouldn’t stop talking about him back then. Whenever we spoke to you on the phone it was always Alex this and Alex that. Back then I swore you had a crush on him. I guess i was right.”

  Will blushes at that. He didn’t realize how transparent he had been. “You guys knew back then?”

  “We suspected it.” Oliver says. “We didn’t know if you were just admiring your friend or if there was something more. But then you came home and we can tell it was different.”

  “When you talked about Alex, your face would light up. It reminded me a lot of your father.” Felicity looks at her husband lovingly before looking back at her son. “Your Nana Donna would say the same thing about me too, whenever I talked about Oliver. So it was easy to recognize that it was more than just an admiration of a friend. You liked him.”

  “So you knew even back then that I liked him and you didn’t say anything?”

  “It wasn’t our place to say. Also, we didn’t think if you realized it yourself; we were just waiting for you.”

  “But then you stopped talking about Alex.” Felicity continues. “At first we thought maybe you two had drifted apart and that we were wrong about our assumption. But then when you came home last summer, you didn’t look like someone who fell out of touch with a friend, you looked heartbroken.”

  “Yeah he, uh… he starting dating this guy and I… it took me a while to figure out why it didn’t sit well with me. Why it hurt so much to see him with someone else.”

  “Oh honey.” Felicity immediately pulls him in for a hug, which Will gladly accepts. “I know how much it hurts, seeing the person you love with someone else.” her eyes meets Oliver and they have that silent conversation again.

  “I didn’t even realize I loved him. And when I did I got scared. Scared of what it meant that i was in love with a boy.”

  “I’m so sorry Will.” Oliver says.

  “What are you sorry for?”

  “That you had to go through that alone. I wish we could have been there for you and i’m sorry if we ever made you think that we wouldn’t accept you-”

  “No!” he immediately interjects, even jerking  himself away from Felicity’s embrace. “It’s not that at all!”

  Felicity still has her hand on “Then how come you didn’t come to us?”

  “Because I was still confused. When I realized what my feelings for Alex were, I got scared and didn’t know how to deal with it. It took me a while to finally accept who I am, I talked to Zoe about it so many times.”

  He still remembers the countless conversations with Zoe during the summer about his sudden realization of his sexuality and the feelings he harbored over Alex. She was his rock during that time, she still is. If it wasn’t for her support he didn’t think he’d come to cope with who he is so easy.

  “I wanted to figure it out myself and when I did, when Alex and I finally got together, I don’t know. We were just in our own little bubble and I didn’t want that to be ruined, not just yet.”

  The past four months have been the best of his life. He feels like he’s thriving more academically than he ever did in the past three years at school. His group of friends at school are the ones he knows he can lean on for years to come. Then there’s Alex, beautiful, amazing Alex. Being with him has given him a sense of happiness Will hasn’t felt in a long time.

  “Did you think we wouldn’t approve?” Felicity asks gently.

  “No.” he sighs. “I know you guys would love me no matter what.”

  “But you were still scared to tell us.”

  “I knew that once I told you it would be real.”

  He’s only ever been honest with himself since the summer. He still needed to take some time to get use to his sexuality.

  “Are you still confused about your sexualtiy?”

  “No, not anymore. I finally know who I am and i’m finally comfortable with who I am. I like girls.” he states simply. “And I like boys too. And I also happen to be head over heels in love with a boy and I want you two to meet him and love him too.”

  Felicity practically beams at his confession. “We will. If he loves you as much as you love him, then we will love him too.”

  “He does, he loves me. I still can't’ believe someone as amazing as him loves me. And i’m so in love with him too.”

  “And he makes you happy?” Oliver asks. “He treats you right and respects you?”

  “He is never anything but good to me, dad.”

  “Good. that’s all we ever want for you, son. For you to be happy.”

  “I am. I really am.”

  “Come here, buddy.”

  Oliver pulls his son closer as his wife also moves in and soon enough the three of them are wrapped in each other in a tight hug. They spent a moment, the three of them, locked in the embrace as William takes in the love and support from his parents. He’s always known his they would be supportive, but it’s still a scary thing to coming out to your parents.

  Now that his family finally knows the truth, he feels all this weight lifted from his shoulder. It felt wrong to keep something so big like this from them and now that they know, he feels such relief.

  “We will always love you, Will.” Oliver whispers in his ear. “No matter what you go through in your life, whether it’s girlfriends or boyfriends or school or work, we’re always going to be here for you.”

  “We love and support you no matter what.” Felicity finishes.

  William finally sheds the tears he’s been holding in. he feels so much love for his family and the fact that they love and accept him means the world to him. He knows he has it easy, most people in his situation couldn’t even get half the support he has now. Which is why Will knows he will never take for granted the amazing family he has.

  Now that he’s told his parents, he’s not so scared to tell the world about who he is and who he loves. It’s such a liberating thought.

  The three finally separates from each other, thought Felicity is still clinging on to her son.

  “Now that that’s out of the way. Tell us a bit more about Alex? How did you guys get together?”

  “When we met up again after the summer and he wasn’t with his boyfriend anymore, we finally talked. He told me he was never in love with the guy and that he was with him to get over me. He didn’t think I was into him, or into guys at all for that matter. When I told him I was, well… that was that.”

  “Oh, that’s so precious.” Felicity places a hand over her heart, her face scrunching up as she tries not to tear up. “I’m happy that you’re happy, WIll.”

  “Yeah, that’s all that matters to us.” Oliver agrees.

  “Thanks you two. And, actually, Alex is doing an internship here in Star City, which means we’ll most likely come visit more often.”

  “That’s even better!” Felicity squeals, pulling him in for another hug.

  “Okay, mom, too tight.”

  “Ooops, sorry, got way too excited there.”

  “Come on, we should get back to the food so Alex can have something to eat.” Oliver says, already moving back to the pot.

  “I heard mommy screaming, can I come back now?” Mia’s voice comes from the threshold of the kitchen.

  William, giddy from his coming out, immediately scoops his baby sister into his arms. “Come here you monkey.”

  “Aaahh!” Mia lets out a squeal of her own as her brother starts tickling her. “Will stop, stop stop!”

  “Will, come on, let’s get back to work.” Felicity says, trying to get her kids back on track.

  “Does your boyfriend like menorah cookies, Will?”

  “I’m sure he does. He’s part Jewish.”

  “And he’s Jewish too?” Felicity cries, clutching her heart, her face beaming with pride. Then her face falls. “Oh god, I’ve turned into my mother.”

  Oliver chuckles behind her.

  “It’s not funny, i’ve officially turned into my mother!”

  “Come here honey.” he pulls her in for a hug, kissing her forehead.

  “Does your boyfriend also like Doctor Who?” Mia asks his older brother.

  “Oh yeah.” Will nods. “He’s obsessed with Doctor Who. probably more than you and mom.”

  Mia gasps. “No one likes Doctor Who more than mommy!”

  “I don’t know, Alex might.”

  “Do you think he’ll watch it with me?”

  “Oh definitely.”

  “Yay! I when is he coming! I want to watch Doctor Who now!”

  “He should be here any minute.”

  Just as he spoke, the doorbell rang.

  William smiles. “I think that’s him right now.”

  “Yay! I’ll go get it.” before he could stop her, Mia has already jumped off her brother.

  “Mia don’t open the door by yourself!” Felicity calls after her daughter. “Will…”

  “I got her.”

  Will rushes after her sister and was able to catch up to her before she could reach the door. He didn't’ even care that Mia is wiggling in his arms, trying to get off as she’s too excited by their guest. He is too.

  In fact he’s freaking happy. His family finally knows about him, well, they’ve known all along. But everything is finally out in the open. He’s free to be himself and be with the love of his life. Speaking of, he’s on the other side of the door right now.

  William couldn’t wait. He’s already deemed this to be the best Christmakkuh ever.

[surveystodestressme]

85.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 22

2001. Can you believe that we have only gotten through two fifths of this survey so far? i believe it 2002. What is your opinion of Dave Coulier? i have no idea who that is 2003. If you were to a write a Choose Your Own Adventure book, what would it be about? horror 2004. What was your best find from a flea market, garage sale, ebay or thrift store? huh? 2005. What do you not have enough money for right now? a new car

2006. Do you believe that Teras for Fears were right when they said, “Everybody wants to rule the world?” eh 2007. What is the design on your beach towel? i don’t have a beach towel 2008. What stirs something deep and animalistic inside you? mean fucking people 2009. Have you ever cross dressed (even as a joke)? no 2010. Do you own anything with a rainbow on it? yes lol my boyfriends mom buys pj pants for everyone on christmas and this year she got me rainbow pants with minions on them....... i’ve NEVER even seen despicable me 2011. What would be the worst object for a child to take on a long car ride with you? a loud handheld game 2012. What’s the Best Beatles song in your opinion? help 2013. Why do you suppose that diary sites are more popular with females than males? idk 2014. What do these color combinations remind you of: orange and pink: ice cream pink and green: fruit green and gold: nature purple and gold: idk gold and red: royalty red and white: america blue and grey: the beach 2015. What is one selfish thing you tend to do? let people buy me stuff 2016. When do you think technology will catch up with the Jetson’s? idk 2017. What made you laugh today? my lab partners 2018. Do you ever stick your entries in any of the diary circles? no. 2019. Can you freestyle rap? i could try but it wouldn’t be that good 2020. Are you: stylish? somewhat shiek? huh? smart? i think so 2021. Do you find you self only buying brand name products? i do not care about name brands 2022. Would you ever want to buy an article of clothing or an accessory because you saw a celebrity wear it? i don’t pay attention to celebrities enough 2023. What song do you feel the sexiest dancing to? buttons by pussycat dolls 2024. Who do you know who looks silly when they dance? my dad 2025. Sweaty sex or clean sex? a lil bit of both honestly 2026. Which is more important to you: being kind or being right? i mean both honestly. 2027. Can you do any special dances like swing, tap, or ballroom? i used to do tap 2028. Are you scared of monsters? nada 2029. Who would you like to remind people of? idc 2030. Do you walk to school or do you bring your lunch? neither???? 2031. Rate your skills from one to ten (10 = you are the best at it): socializing: 5 making friends: 5 working with computers: 5 arts: 7 crafts: 7 dancing: 2 skating: 6 talking other people into things: 8 writing: 9 living life to the fullest each day: 5 cooking: 3 gardening: 2 cleaning up after yourself: 9 playing poker: 1 surviving in the woods: 3 managing your time: 8 attracting the opposite sex (or same sex if you prefer)? 4 2032. Have you ever been to an indian reservation? nope 2033. What is going to happen tomorrow that you can celebrate, even if it’s a little thing? idk 2034. Do you save things for special occasions or is everyday a special occasion? i save things. 2035. What is one thing you are terrible at: saving money 2036. What’s your favorite: rap song: love the way you lie country song: we danced industrial song: idk. cover song: cant help falling in love with you punk song: idk odd song: cotton eye joe 2037. What do you get your teacher or your boss for the holidays? not a thing lol 2038. Do you like to read books by Virgina Wolfe? never read any. 2039. What is your favorite tv show from when you were a kid? spongebob 2040. What is now proved was once only imagined. - William Blake. What do you imagine? the future. 2041. What has been passed down through at least two generations to you? nothing 2042. Do we live in a particularly bad age for romance? i don’t think so 2043. Have you ever cheated on someone? nope Do you believe that once someone is a cheater they can never be trusted? yes 2044. Have you ever gone: christmas caroling? nope pumpkin picking? yeah on a hay wagon ride? yes on a romantic valentine’s day date? yeah to a new year’s eve party? a couple times to a memorial day parade? yeah to the Macy’s thanksgiving day parade? maybe in the past to search for gold coins on st patrick’s day? no. 2045. Have you ever done any modeling? nope 2046. Would you consider yourself to be psychologically damaged? not that i can think of 2047. How aware are you of the reasons behind your actions and words? very aware 2048. What is the sickest you ever drank or drugged yourself? i haven’t had any really bad experiences tbh. it’s always a shitty time when i’ve thrown up from alcohol but i’ve never blacked out. 2049. Would you prefer it if clothing was optional? no lol. 2050. What is one interesting fact about you: i collect shot glasses 2051. Are more people depressed because they are alone, or are more people alone because they are depressed? they’re more depressed bc they’re alone probably but there are way more complicated reasons as to why people are depressed 2052. Have you ever gotten a mug, t-shirt, key chain, etc. that was personalized with your picture? no lol 2053. What was the last thing that you experienced for the first time? i don’t know 2054. If you were going to die tomorrow and you were leaving a postcard for someone to read after you were gone what would it say? i dunno. 2055. If you were about to be executed what would your last request be? tell my family that i love them 2056. What kinds of people do you find intimidating? too many people lol 2057. How much conviction do you have in your feelings and beliefs? quite a bit. 2058. In your house where is the: crazy glue? in the junk drawer flashlight? above the snack cabinet 2059. Out of everyone you know who has the most personality? there’s plenty of people lol 2060. If you could go back in time to experience a musical movement or era, which one would you choose to live through? none 2061. Do you suffocate people with your love? sometimes 2062. Do you feel your life is charmed? no. 2063. What character do you identify the most with from Winnie the Pooh? piglet 2064. When do you do your best thinking? in the shower or on the toilet 2065. What motivates you? food 2066. Look back at all the people you’ve dated. Has there been a pattern? not that i can think of 2067. Things change but what will always remain the same for you? i don’t know 2068. Is divorce something you would ever consider or do you feel that marriage is permanantly binding? i would preferably not get divorced. 2069. What’s the strangest movie you ever saw? the abc’s of death 2070. If you could go into virtual reality and set up your life there to be perfect and it would seem real but not be real would you trade your life now for the virtual life? it’d be cool but no 2071. Does it seem like life is more difficult for you than for anyone else? nope 2072. What are you grateful for? everything i have. 2073. What was a choice that you didn’t want to make but you had to? idk. 2074. Have you ever had dental surgery? no. 2075. At what point exactly are you grown up? when you  have bills and you feel like you’re drowning 2076. If there was a weight loss procedure that would destroy your ability to taste food so you wouldn’t be tempted by junk food, would you have it done? absolutely not 2077. What is one thing that happened that you never expected? finding someone i love who actually loves me back 2078. If you called one of your friends and they said “It’s nothing personal but I don’t want to talk to anyone right now,” would you take it personally? nah, i’ve had moments like that too so i can understand 2079. What is your favorite girl’s name? i don’t really have one 2080. Do you ever feel guilty for being more fortunate than others? not really. 2081. If you had to wear a shirt with one word on it for a year, what word would you choose? kok 2082. What is evian spelled backwards? naive 2083. You drop 10 pounds of feathers and a ten pound bowling ball off the top of the same building. Which will hit the ground first? they both weigh the same, sooo both 2084. Even though you may never get what you want, are you happy because you’re trying? yes 2085. If you started a petition what would it be about? idk. 2086. When was the last time you asked someone to do something and they said no? everytime i ask jack to do something he says no but does it anyways 2087. Do bad things happen to you on friday the 13th? not that i know of. 2088. What’s your favorite: Madonna song? - John Lennon song? - Michael Jackson song? billy jean Doors song? - Rolling Stones song? - David Bowie song?- Elvis song? cant help falling in love with you 2089. If you had started a relationship with someone and they said that it would be best if no one knew about it just to see how it goes, would you be offended? it depends ig but id feel like they just wanted to hide me 2090. Do you know any self defense? not really How about CPR? i know the concept of it but ive never really practiced or anything 2091. If you had to look into a mirror and see your naked soul stripped of all delusions and pretenses (Never ending Story style)could you handle it? maybe 2092. Are you a genius? no. 2093. How did you find out that Santa Clause wasn’t real? i got a letter from ‘him’ and the handwriting was the same as my dads 2094. Which is your favorite tarot card? i dont do that shit 2095. Does the internet separate people or connect them? both. 2096. Have you ever written a letter to a soldier? my brother and my sister and some of my friends when they were all in the military 2097. Does pain and fear make you feel alive? to a a certain degree 2098. Are you: good looking? yeah thin? no. happy? yes successful? not yet confident? for the most part 2099. Are you decisive or wishy washy? in between. 2100. Do you feel pop stars should be morally responsible to set a good example for their fans? it’s nice but they shouldn’t be obliged to.

[csprousedaily]

Cole Sprouse Opens Up About Growing Up in the Public Eye.

Cole Sprouse once left his Disney mouse ears behind for a cap and gown, but he's recently pulled on another famous hat—or, should we say, crown beanie? Sprouse returned to the small screen this year as the lovably brooding Jughead Jones on Riverdale, the CW's twisted take on the beloved Archie comics.

If you haven't heard of the Gossip Girl–meets–Twin Peaks hit, you're probably the only one. Since its premiere in January, it's become a cult favorite. If he were any other member of the cast, Sprouse might be overwhelmed with the fame and recognition. But he's been here before.

We talked to the 24-year-old about life as a child star with his twin brother, Dylan, weird fan interactions, feminism, and those divisive Riverdale ships.

A lot of the Disney cohort went on to major acting careers and projects right away—what made you choose to go to college and take a different route?

I think regardless of success, all those kids were dealing with a similar dilemma when it came to their maturity and their publicity and fame, and how they were viewed in the public eye. Some people choose sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll to come to terms with it. Some people find religion. [College] seemed like the most productive way to prove to people we were coming into ourselves. I was finding out my identity and growing by going to an institution where I could evolve and become more adept at understanding why I was thinking certain things, and how society viewed me.

Acting requires a great amount of empathy for real lived human experiences. I hadn't lived any real human experiences outside of homeschool and being in a sound stage, and there was really no other option. I couldn't continue to live in a bubble and hope to be an empathic actor. It doesn't work. I was really sick of the entertainment industry and wanted to step away. Dylan and I were nonstop—we were being recognized and it was overbearing, and I figured it would be nice to let that dissolve. I didn't know if I was going to return, and then this project sort of crept up.

Are you enjoying it now that you're back?

Yeah, it's fulfilling, and I think that's the only currency I am looking for right now. As long as it stays fulfilling, I will continue doing it, but the second it stops being fulfilling I'll leave.

What does your brother think of 'Riverdale'?

He supports the show…. I don't know if he enjoys it. This kind of programming has never really been our flavor of choice. I don't really want him to watch anything I do and I don't really watch anything he'll do. We have a very easy time separating work and play and I wouldn't really care less if he watched or if he enjoyed it. I don't really have an easy time watching myself, so I guess I sort of imprint that upon my friends and family.

Originally, you you argued to keep Jughead asexual and aromantic, as he is in the comics. What did those conversations sound like?

When we got the parts, the creative team sat down with the actors and asked how they saw each character. I had argued for a super faithful representation of Jughead as he lives in the comics, which inherently was also me arguing for the aromantic, asexual Jughead. But [they] are two very different versions of the same character in two very different universes.

It's very strange to me how much attention this [has received]. I am an actor. I have an idea of what I see for the character and I can express that idea and that opinion, but ultimately it is out of my hands. If this were a different kind of programming or it were my show, it would probably look a little bit different, but the commercial success of Riverdale and how people are talking and liking it shows that we've gone in a direction that makes a lot of sense and works.

It's one of those things that needs representation but has not been properly represented. It's something I still fight for and it's something I fought for about the second season, but ultimately it's not in my court. I guess we will see where the narrative takes us.

On a lighter note, once and for all, because the internet can't agree, is the Jughead/Betty ship called Jetty or Bughead?

[Laughs] I think it's Bughead. It's the single strangest name for a coupling ever, but it works.

There seem to be two main Riverdale fan ships: Bughead and Beronica (Betty/Veronica). Which one are you behind?

I actually really ship Betty and Archie. When I would read the Archie comics when I was younger I was rooting for Betty and Archie way over any alternative. [I think I would have seen] that long-lived, childlike romance from two people knowing each other since youth as probably quite romantic. I am a sucker for that childhood romance narrative.

I know our fans take very specific camps with who they ship and who they want and all those camps are at huge war with one another. Riverdale is about to ignite into flames considering how the camps are at war with each other. I try not to involve myself too much.

I am sorry I just brought you into it.

[Laughs] Well, the question we get all the time as a cast is, 'Are you a Betty or Veronica person?' I don't like that. I think it's hard and it also puts the cast members against one another in a strange and competitive way that makes me a little uncomfortable. So most of our cast don't even answer it.

How did your fan-catcher Instagram account @Camera_Duels get started? Are you ever going to bring it back?

I was younger and just about to go to college, and very discontented with the way people were treating me in the public sphere. Sometimes you can read someone's aura and actions—they're shifting and fidgeting, and they're fumbling for the phone. It's a dehumanizing, very obvious kind of thing.

I would always be dissatisfied that people wouldn't just ask, because I always say yes. So @camera_duels was born. It was a way of coping or trying to turn it around in my favor and give me more agency in a situation. I felt sort of like a man behind a glass wall. It ended up really helping me, so much that I stopped. I found the whole thing not to really disturb me anymore.

I am sure with Riverdale increasing ever so slowly in prestige, it will only increase in intensity and I'll bring it back. But I think it deserves something a little bit more now. I've been thinking about getting a film camera with a quick auto focus and a nice flash to make it into something that could be found in a gallery space, which I think would be more enjoyable to me.

You recently subtweeted yourself, over a comment you made as an 11-year-old, where you said you like girls who don't wear too much makeup. Do you consider yourself a feminist?

There is no question I consider myself a feminist, but I also think the term 'feminist' has become a topical thing to say without backing it up with any real action. My satirical tweet about my old opinion doesn't solidify me as a figure within a conversation that's so much greater than my straight, white male opinion. My Twitter is a joke toilet and I filter all these old, cringe-y parts of my brother and my childhood through that, in an attempt to flush it down the drain forever. When you grow older, you unpack the way masculinity teaches you to view women.

Going back to the question of whether I am a feminist or not: Yes. I think the core of that question is do you support equality for women, and of course. It's funny that it even becomes a touchy or sensitive thing for people to announce formally, it's kind of fucking ludicrous. There is not a question in my mind. There are, of course, places and spheres where I wish I would have done more to make those actions back up the title, but I think that's something that as I grow and I age and I get a little more agency within my society, I'll always try and work towards that.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #72

hey ya’ll, kinda conflicting moods in this survey; the earlier, dreary-sounding answers, please do not worry about them, as i took this over the course of longer than a week.  i was hospitalized this past week and am currently home safe again.  i just don’t feel like going back changing answers, lol.

are you currently distressed about anything?   yes, quite a bit.  i found the gem to the ring jason gave me, but i can't find the ring itself... i really wanna fix it and wear it.  i'm pretty damn upset about the situation, considering how much i cherish anything i've ever had from him. do you like your pop tarts toasted or cold?   i like them how they are in the package. do you like sitting in the front, back, or middle of the classroom?   i prefer the front, 'cuz i can see better and i feel more obligated to engage. what’s your least favorite flavor of candy?   orange do you know anyone who has been struck by lightning before?   no. which is worse: living where there’s lots of tornadoes or lots of hurricanes?   tornadoes, definitely.  i live where there are plenty of hurricanes, and the last one we had that was truly devastating was floyd, and that occurred when i was a very young child.  tornadoes, meanwhile, are more immediately dangerous. have you ever seen a black rose?   no, but i would loooove to... do you like pie?   no, actually. if you died right now, how would you feel about your life?   it was a nightmare. do you have any morbid interests?   gore and guts.  bones.  death itself, kinda. if someone were to ask you if you were okay right now, are you?   no.  i'm currently waiting for the suicide hotline's online chat room to open up.  i've been a wreck all evening and google searched something i shouldn't have; google gave me the number to the hotline as well as the option to chat online.  i broke the fuck down.  i've been waiting for a spot to open for like ten minutes... have you ever thrown up from working out?   no, but i know i've been close. do you have any gay family members?   i think i have an uncle who is? would you be upset if you caught your boyfriend looking at porn?   fuck yes i would be. (new day.) would you date someone who still lived with their parents?   uhhh, why wouldn't i...? would you have to sleep with someone before marrying them?   nope. would you enjoy a night of playing video games?   very much so. would you watch a porno with your partner?   absolutely not. would you be okay with your partner hanging with their ex as friends?   errr... i hate admitting this, but no.  it's suspicious. coffee or tea?   i have a strong dislike of both, really. when was the last time you climbed a tree?
   never; nc doesn't really have climbable trees, just pines. what clubs do/did you participate in at school?
   i was in the art club and shit, what was it called... it was for honors students... what is something you and your best friend say/do that seems strange to an outsider?
   act gay as hecke do you like to sleep near the wall, the middle, or the open side of the bed?
   open side. what’s the strangest rumor that has ever been spread about you?
   a rumor started in high school that jason and i had had a baby.  a rachel is who told the person who told me, soooo i'm not stupid.  i know which rachel started it. how involved were you in the drama of your high school?   not at all. do you like to cuddle while you are sleeping?   all night, no.  when jason and i were dating, i would usually begin sleeping cuddled with him, but would pull away during the night because i got hot. what are you favorite places to be touched?
   i'm guessing you mean sexually?  personally my breasts are very sensitive to touch. do you like lip biting?   again, in a sexual context?  sure. describe your first date.   jason took mom and me to see "ghost rider 2."  i personally thought it was very cute that he wanted mom to come, too. what really goes on in your head?   memories, poisoned with remorse.  i'm always looking back and missing how things used to be.  death and decay goes on in my head.  passions pass away, and the darkness that i try so hard to keep in the back of mind envelops its entirety more and more each time i weaken.  i don't mean to sound all dark or poetic, it's just... how i describe things.  i wish just one person would understand exactly what's happening up there. do other people’s opinions mean anything to you?   sometimes. have you ever just wanted to run away to see who would follow?   i have run away, and nearly got the police on my ass. have you ever had a hamster as a pet?   multiple times.  all were assholes. who do you really need in your life?   jason.  yet he's not here. way down in there’s any part of you sad at all?   all parts of me are sad. what’s your favorite type of insect?   i really love butterflies, moths, dragonflies, ladybugs... is there anything worrying you right now? if so, have you talked to anyone about it?   when am i not worried...  i'm so scared jason won't come back.  the last person i talked to about it was virginia, his mom.  i was suicidal last night and was very, very sincerely contemplating killing myself, and i wanted to talk to him, because i feel like he's the only one who can talk me out of it.  so i found their number and called their house past midnight.  i talked to virginia; jason had just gone to bed, and she didn't want to wake him up.  she's such a sweet woman...  she tried so hard to help, but it was all in vain. apart from sleeping, what do you plan to do tonight?   cry, i'm sure. does anyone see you as a role model?   i'm certain that's a no. what is something that you’ve recently learned?   it's very likely i have bpd. what is your most expensive possession?   the laptop jason gave me... but it's broken right now. what’s the worst sickness you’ve ever had?   aside from mental illness, the worst physical illness was just a REALLY bad stomach virus.  i've never even had the flu. are you excited to pick out your wedding dress one day?
   if i ever get married... then yeah.  it's one of my fairytales. what kind of music do you tend to like?   heavy metal, some harder rock. do you have any mental disorders?   and they're going to kill me. do you believe everything happens for a reason?   fuck that. do you know anyone who married their high school sweetheart?   yes. do you live in the moment?   i live in the past. how many more minutes until you will next eat?   i should've eaten an hour ago.  but i'm too upset to be hungry. what do/did you normally get detentions for?   i only ever got detention for too many tardies. what do you currently hear?   "i don't love you" by my chemical romance, my typing, my sniffling, and my heart pounding in my head. do you ever worry about what the world will be like when you have kids?   i won't have kids anyway.  i don't even know why i'm spending my time doing this survey.  i'm procrastinating on looking for any sleeping pills in the house.  i'm done. do you like the band a skylit drive?   i like their cover of "love the way you lie" who’s someone you want to see right now?   jason.  he could stop this.  i know he could. have you ever been stung by anything?   no, i haven't. have you ever parked in a handicapped spot when you weren’t supposed to?   no, i fucking hate people who do that. are you paranoid?   only always. (next week) are you currently learning from anyone how to play any instruments?   nope. would you rather be able to teleport or freeze time? which one seems best?   hmmm.  teleport, i guess. do you like soda pop? if so, which is your favorite and least favorite?   i sadly do.  i loooove mountain dew, and i really hate pepsi. does it annoy you when surveys ask questions about controversial topics, or do you like arguing your point?   i like controversial questions, honestly.  i like making a point. are there any specific piercings you would never, ever get done?   the only piercing i would never get, even for a ludicrous amount of money, is around my private area.  nope. assuming you had sufficient funds, would you be capable of living alone, paying bills and looking after yourself properly?   honestly, no.  probably not. do you know anyone who had to have tubes put in their ears as a baby?   meeee! were either of your parents baptized?   idk the last concert that you were at, was there a mosh pit?   ha ha omg, a mosh pit at an alice cooper concert in north carolina... that'd be a sight to see. does your bathroom have a theme to it?   nope. when you are eating fast food, do you tend to get burgers or chicken?   burgers, almost always. are you self-conscious of your smile?   yes, because my eyes squint. what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?   writing.  sometimes drawing. what color do you really want to dye your hair?   GRAY.  mom won't let me. :( sunrise or sunset?   sunset is prettier, imo. what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?   i love some of the petnames colleen calls me, honestly.  it's just sweet. what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.   socks suck.  period.  i avoid them at all costs. have you ever shaved in the kitchen sink?   how flexible you think i am, fam? do you play the wii?   very rarely. be honest, did fifty shades of grey arouse you in any way?   i didn't read/watch it, and i have no plans to. do have faith in yourself?   lmao did you parents know what gender you were before you were born?   i'm not sure, actually.  i do know, however, everyone first thought i was a boy; i always had my legs crossed in the ultrasound.  mom, however, "knew" i was a girl. does your mother still take care of you if you get ill?   not really.  like i guess if i called her to get me some ginger ale or something, she'd do it, but i kinda just take care of myself. is there a certain topic that you struggle to talk about, because it makes you feel uncomfortable?   not really. if you’re not in college, why?   because i mentally cannot handle the stress it causes. do you try to avoid burping in public, or are you open about it?  after all, it is a normal bodily function.   i'm very discreet about it normally, just because of social standards.  around family and very close friends, i don't give a shit. do you like regular peppermint candy canes, or do you prefer different flavored ones [fruits, bubble gum, cinnamon, etc.]?   i like the fruity flavors. what do you think is the dumbest / tackiest piercing?   i don't really know. have you ever requested a song on the radio?   no. would you ever dye your hair black?   i have before and i loved it. when did you last see the person you love/like? when will you next see them?   i saw him yesterday... and i probably never will again... is there a member of the opposite sex on your mind atm? do you think that person will be thinking about you too?   he always is, and i can absolutely guarantee he's not thinking about me. do you know the star sign of the last person you kissed?   he's an aquarius, like me. what’s the naughtiest thing you’ve ever done, and you got away with it?   got sexual on my parents' bed, i guess. who was the last person of the opposite sex to make you smile? are you attracted to that person?   jason, and yeah... do you currently have any medicine in your bag / purse / etc? if so, what kind?   no, i'm not allowed to.  i overdosed the other day. what do you like on your pasta / noodles? sauce, butter, grated cheese, etc.?   sauce, always. are you weary of displaying signs of affection for your significant other around adults? why or why not?   no, because love should be very openly celebrated. do you think teenagers can be in love?   absolutely.  i was and still am now from the same relationship as an adult. how fast does your mood change?   0-100 real quick, boo. at this moment in time if you HAD to have someone’s name tattooed on you who’s would it be?   uhhh... literally no one's.  i just wouldn't.  well uh, i guess if it was life or death, uhhh... probably jason's, honestly??  but realistically, i never would get anyone's?? what’s your all-time favorite COMEDY movie?   hm.  maybe "white chicks" or "rush hour 2" how old is your most recent ex?   he's 23. how many keys are on your key chain?   two how does your hair look right now?   it's all big and suuuuper curly!!!  chelsea did it. :D does your house have a white picket fence?   nope. do you wear bracelets?   no, never. when was the last time you had sex?   never. #regret do you have a wild side?   only j's seen it, honestly... heh. what is your favorite thing about going to your grandma’s house?   literally.  nothing. who did you last have an alcoholic drink with?   chelsea.  good day. where do you plan on living within the next few years?   probably the same 'ole north carolina. do you have an addiction?   debatably the internet, but i honestly consider it more of a dependence. if you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?   2016, absolutely. do you believe you should change who you are for the person you love?   to a degree, sure. when you’re home alone, do you still keep the door closed when you shower?   the bathroom door is open, my room door is closed. do you currently have a hickey?   i wish ha ha. now your cell phone, what color is it?   black. how many times have you gotten into a argument with the last person you kissed?   plenty of times. what color is your hair?   ruby red, with redder highlights and brown roots coming in. your parents are divorced/married/separated?   divorced have you ever let someone be your everything?   and i'm a broken person because of it. do you think that you’re good enough for the one you like?   no.  he made it clear i deserve to suffer for giving up. have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?   ahhh, yes. (: have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend who was depressed?   no. do you like sitting on the inside or outside of a restaurant booth?   inside.  feel safer/cozier. have you ever had sex or something like it?   something like it, sure, but not actual sex. have you ever worn fishnets?   i don't think so... but maybe for dance? do you always wear your seat belt?   yep. have you ever liked someone much older than you?   not seriously. are there any diseases/health problems that run in your family?   oh god.  heart disease, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, asthma, cancer, depression, bipolarity, more shit i'm forgetting... do you have asthma?   no. are tongue piercings slutty?   ... no? last person to take off your pants, besides you?   jason. when you get colds, do you use nasal spray to help get your nose unstuffy?   yep. what’s your second favorite color?   pink, probably. how many times have you been so drunk you didn’t remember the night before?   never. what sexual kinks do you personally enjoy, if any?   i actually had to look up some kinks bc idk if some things are considered kinks or not?  evidently even something as common as spanking is, and i'm into that very mildly.  anr (i think that's be abbreviation, probably wrong...) is something that's like guaranteed to turn me on.  i also like feeling/acting sexually submissive in general, but i deeefinitely wouldn't consider it to the point of the dom/sub kink. ever faked an orgasm?   no. own some type of work out machine?   not anymore. ever wanted to be a vet?   i did as a child, yes. ever flashed someone you liked?   i maybe have to jason, while alone with him, but even then i'm not certain i ever have. ever had a job? if so, what and for how long?   first job i had for a month or two.  second, like, four days. do you have a favorite sexual position, even if you’re a virgin?   missionary is all i've ever tried and i'm fine with that. ever done oral? with how many people?   yes, one. what condom brand do you use?   i don't use them because i don't have sex.  on the one occasion jason bought condoms just to be safe in case we chose to, i'm not sure what brand he got... do you use flavored/scented/glow-in-the-dark/neon/ribbed condoms?   again, i don't use them, but also once more, on the one occasion jason bought some, they were just normal. what about facebook - do your grandparents use facebook?   my maternal grandmother does. do you have any text messages from your ex, or have you deleted them all?   no.  the phone i've had i got after the breakup, so. tell me 3 facts about the first person you had a relationship with.   i've "dated" three people, but i've definitely only had a romantic relationship with one, so i'm using him in this question.  he loves games of all kinds, he's a huge joker (particularly heath ledger's) fan, and he's studying computer engineering/he's in his last semester. think about your last ex. do you still find him/her attractive?   he's very handsome, yes. do you regret kissing the last person you kissed?   i never will. have you ever wanted to be a teacher?   nope. if someone were to ask you out right now, would you say yes?   the only person i'd say yes to would be jason. what was the last thing you took medication for?   my tremors. if someone offered you sex right now, how would you respond?   again, i'd only yes to jason. do you think you’ve found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?   i don't think i found the person, i know i did.  yet i can't. be honest, what do you want more than anything at this moment in time?   i just want to cuddle with jason. have you had any conversations recently that made you feel uncomfortable or upset?   i talked to jason, face-to-face, two days ago to assist me in gaining closure.  very long story short, i was quiiite upset after he left. what’s the farthest away from home you have ever been?   michigan the last person you had a thing with calls wanting to hang out. what do you do?   say "of course!" in probably the most excited voice ever. what is your favorite shade of blue?   hmm.  navy, i assume. what ozzy lyric describes you best?   a suRVEY QUESTION REGARDING MY FAVORITE ARTIST???  HELL YEAH!!  anyway, i've felt a resonance with "you don't have to leave the lights on; i'm so used to being blind" from "tomorrow" for many years. what was the most important decision you made that screwed up your life the most?   giving up on just that: life. what is love really about?   it's science, but also something inexplicable.  it's the perfect combination of your brain's "happy hormones," and only that one person can achieve that certain mixture.  granted, there are different kinds of love, and each one is unique. what metallica lyric most describes your life?   wHO FUCKING WROTE THIS, ANOTHER QUESTION W/ ANOTHER FAVORITE ARTIST???  I WANNA MARRY THE SURVEY MAKER PLS.  um anyway let's see, i could really list a few.  first, i wanna say i feel a VERY strong connection to "the unforgiven ii" as a whole; all the lyrics mean very much to me.  but if you want a particular lyric, these couple mean the world: "how can i be lost, if i've got nowhere to go? / and how can i blame you, when it's me i can't forgive?" from "the unforgiven iii"  omgggg i could keep going on ;-; ever been to ozzfest?   girl, I WISH. what's the most illegal thing you've done?   just downloading music.  wait actually, probably downloading an expensive program illegally. ever have a tornado in your town?   i don't think so. what percentile of your class were you in?   idk about numbers, but the very top.  i got an award for it.  idk what ever happened... can you name every place you've ever had sex?   i've never had sex, but i've gotten sexual on my bed, his bed, the floor, the couch, the chaise... what forms of birth control have you used?   abstinence is... pretty flawless. handcuffs or rope :D?   errr, i'm guessing you're addressing being tied up sexually?  i'm... kinda into the idea of being handcuffed to something, maybe. *shrugs* ever grown any plants before? what were they?   habaneros, zinnias, sunflowers... how many times did you intentionally start to commit suicide?   three.  i was going to slit my throat on two occasions, and on the last, i overdosed. what is your favorite cover song?   "hurt" by johnny cash.  "another brick in the wall" by korn is a close second. ever raise a child that wasn't your own for more than 3 months?   nope. strangest medical procedure ever performed on you?   idk, i guess just getting tubes put in my ears. if you ever got a tattoo, where would you get it?   i already have three and want loads more like... everywhere.  most specifically though, i think sternum tattoos are drop-dead gorgeous. could you ever go vegetarian?   no.  i enjoy meat too much. how do you fall asleep? [i.e, listening to music, reading, daydreaming…]   just thinking... have you ever been chased by bees?   omg no. what is your opinion on homosexuality?   it's a mutation, but that does not make it wrong. what is your biggest fear in life?   being alone in life.  not being able to function properly in the "real world" is a close second. when was the last time you kissed someone?   2015 are you sick quite often or hardly at all?   hardly at all.  proud of that 'ole immune system. has anyone suspected you of being a different sexuality?   apparently. do you like chocolate or vanilla cake more?   chocolate, definitely. does it bother you to have blood drawn or not so much?   no, but i actually have noticed something: it began to bother me ever so slightly more after jason passed out from me getting my blood taken that one time.  i think it's because of how i look up to and see him in general, seeing him react to something like that, a part of my brain wants to believe "omg that has to be dangerous then."  but in general, i don't really have issue with getting my blood drawn. who would you say is your best friend at the moment?   colleen.  always. how long have you two been best friends?   over two years. do you sometimes think you aren’t as fortunate as others?   it's not something i dwell on, but i know i'm not. have you ever tried opening your eyes under water?   i have, and i'm bad at it. have you ever been admitted to the hospital?   only six times. what would you say is your favorite type of flower?   tiger lilies, i think. how old is your pet?   teddy is ten, cali isss... three, i think, bentley's not even a year, and lexi is around two, probs. do you listen to artists who consist more of guys, girls, or both?   i seem to prefer male artists. what’s your first tattoo?   a semicolon butterfly on my right wrist. what song do you listen to when you’re sad?   "perfectly flawed" by otep is common.  hence my tattoo. <3 is there a person in your life that can always make you smile?   not anymore. are you scared about the end of the world?   not really, because i don't think i'll be around to see it. will you ever get a tattoo?   i have three and want more.  my next tattoo will be an adaptation of "denialism" by deviantart's tatchit.  look it up, it is honestly a phenomenal work of art. when you get yelled at, do you yell back or let it go?   well first, i get triggered.  yelling triggers memories of my parents fighting so much.  odds are, i'll yell back, but it really depends. do you share a computer with your siblings?   nooo. do you have mood swings?   badly. do you have any bruises on you?   yes, from getting my blood drawn so much recently.  the iv left a good one. have you had sex today?   girl, i wish. has the last person you kissed ever made you cry?   plenty of times. be honest with yourself, are you proud of your actions?   some yes, some no.  it just.  varies.  for the most part, i guess so, like i can't deny i'm a fighter, but i just feel weak sometimes. if you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be?   honestly, i would get a tiny heart on the side of my face if it wasn't for societal standards and the strong odds of unemployment for having a tat on my face. what is something you find romantic?   flowers, picnics, walks in the park, oh man, i could go on for HOURS.  you can make SO many things romantic. what makes you attracted to the person you like right now?   his personality. what, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?   rape is #1 for me.  just don't. would you rather live in a castle or a spaceship?   castle, hell yeah!! has someone ever made you a build-a-bear?   OMG NO I WOULD DIE THAT'D BE PRECIOUS what are your initials?   bmd, or bmcd if you want my catholic name. what is your definition of “having sex”?   penal-vaginal penetration. who was the last person you were “in a relationship with” on facebook (including anyone you may have put “in a relationship with” for a joke)?   jason. do you think a relationship with a 16-year-old girl and a 35-year-old man would work out? do you think age differences like that (when they’re under 18) should be legal?   they should absolutely not be legal.  just... no.  i don't support big age gaps like that. what do you think of open relationships? if your partner suggested it, what would you say?   HA.  no.  and if he suggested it, i'd leave his ass. would you ever date out of your race?   mhmm. have you ever had a reptile for a pet?   i've had one lizard, two snakes. what kinds of alcohol do you like?   only ever tried mike's hard lemonade and smirnoff, and both are fine. did you have a swing set when you were a kid?   yup. state you most want to visit?   utah.  fucking gorgeous. were you popular in high school?   definitely not. would you rather be blind or deaf?   blind, definitely.  i once asked jason this and he said blind, too, "because i have to be able to hear your voice." ;;;-;;; where do you want to live when you are old?   in the mountains, in the woods, in the chilly weather, pls. have you ever been in love?   absolutely.  with reckless abandon. have you ever caught a fish?   many many times. what was your most recent ex’s middle name?   alex. do you put anything weird on your scrambled eggs? (like syrup)   just hot sauce. what is your states minimum wage?   $7.25, save us.

[cabhonours-blog]

Nameless: The One Thing You Must Recall

As promised, next I’m going to look at one of Cheritz’ older titles. Nameless followed a more standard dating sim format than Mystic Messenger, in that it follows one story with multiple routes and endings, and can be played through at your own pace. 

What drags you into the story, however, is the narrative taking part in the background. Normally in these games you can pursue each romance option in a different route. Yet, in this one they all take place in what appears to be one timeline. The problem is, you seem to be suffering from progressive amnesia and cut scenes lead us to believe it’s due to someone controlling you - but we have no idea why. Something sinister is happening behind the romance and you have to complete the game to find out. Honestly, it’s one of the strangest but most interesting plots I’ve ever seen as I never could’ve guessed what happens.

Unlike most games, this tackles some pretty dark themes. Bad endings are very bad - including you being turned into a puppet and controlled for the rest of your life in one of them. It can be somewhat harrowing how dark the themes are given they’re the flip side to romance. This provides some negative connotations to the idea of dating and adds to the idea that men are a threat. While it creates interesting story material, and Cheritz has always been one to explore darker themes, it’s a risky line to walk. 

What also made this game interesting is that it’s a collaboration. All of the men in it are actually dolls - and that’s part of the story too; they’re collectors dolls come to life. They’re all created by Crobi Doll; a ball jointed doll collectors company. Each doll had limited editions of their versions seen in the game, and it provided a unique marketing opportunity for both. This basis of them being dolls was the inspiration for the rest of the story and what makes it quite so unique. 

Visually, my favourite thing about it is the lilac hues that are kept throughout all of the art. A very strict colour palette was used meaning that even though each character has distinct colouring, they all come together in a purple tinted picture at the end. All the whites used are slightly tinted with lilac, and it keeps everything incredibly harmonious. This is true of the UI as well; a deep purple with a fleur de lis wallpaper pattern for detail. At no point did Cheritz break from this, with their advertisement video containing all of the same colouring. Blurs, soft glow, and pale colouring is also kept consistent to create a dream-like appearance and to ensure the characters remain dewy and romanticised like their ball-joint partners.

It’s an incredibly interesting take on how to go about developing this kind of story. Cheritz, while there are distinctly problematic issues with the themes in their games, is pushing the boundaries of what we expect a visual novel to be.

[wp-yahoo-style-1042-yahoopa-blog]

Why You Keep Seeing the Same People on Your Dating Apps

Keep on swiping. (Illustration: Hannah Jacobs for Yahoo Style)

One of the strangest parts of being single in the 21st century? The idea that tens, hundreds, even thousands of potential dates sit at the edge of your fingertips every moment of the day; you can order up a date like you order an Uber or takeout. If that weren’t weird enough, there’s a newly added layer to this modern dating culture.

Apps have now been mainstream long enough that people are starting to recognize the other singles in their dating cohort — long-lost visual acquaintances. “As I wade through the seemingly endless parade of Internet people in search of a partner, perhaps the most eerie, dehumanizing recurring aspect (besides garbage messages from sexist men) is seeing the same faces over and over on various apps for years,” writes Kari Paul for Vice. “The phenomenon serves as a subtle reminder that we are all still single, breeding a strange familiarity whether we match or not.”

I don’t remember exactly when I downloaded my first dating app, but it was at least several years ago. These days, I’ve got a running joke with several of the guys with whom I’ve matched many times on many apps. I call one my “text boyfriend.” We’ve kept in on/off touch for two years, during various periods of singleness, without ever meeting up. I lost hope after a few called-off dates in the beginning of our interactions; I’m sure he did the same.

I also match with another guy, every single time I re-download a dating app. He always seems to be one of the first to pop up in my feed. We almost met up once, but he lost my number (*tear*), and I jokingly refused to lob it back over to him. Sometimes, we tease about our virtual relationship. “Catch you next time at our regular match?”

Who are all these people, with stories and life histories of their own? I’m not sure. Why are we encountering the same people over and over again? I have a few ideas. Here are some thoughts on why we’re matching with the same people over and over and over again, and how to turn that phenomenon around.

Reason No. 1: You’ve all fallen victim to too many choices. The moment you decide to scroll through apps for potential partners, there’s this illusion of options upon options. The imagination is a crippling beast and usually a bit outlandish in its expectations: One date, no matter how good, can hardly live up to all the awesome fun you could be having with a “potentially perfect” match that still awaits you. As if that person even exists.

This is the Paradox of Choice in action; more is not always better, especially not when it hinders your ability to choose at all. “It’s easy to find and get the best, so why not do it?” writes Aziz Ansari, in a Time story adapted from his book Modern Romance. “If you are in a big city or on an online-dating site, you are now comparing your potential partners not just to other potential partners but rather to an idealized person to whom no one could measure up.”

The workaround strategy: It’s not uncommon to find men and women who are on the hunt for better and better — or to see how good they can get. How do you know? They are loath to commit to regular time with you. Aim for one date per week in the beginning. If a person can’t find that sort of time in their schedule, they’re not in any rush to commit. On top of that, less than one date a week and you will lose momentum with a person you don’t know well, and feel as if you’re reliving the first date over and over again. Does this sound like them? Does it sound like you?

No. 2: You aren’t being active enough. Apps seem heaven-sent for some. In the past, you really had to step up your in-person confidence if you wanted to meet a stranger and potentially get a date. Now the dance has changed. “If you’re single, struggling to reconcile the distance that the Internet somehow both creates and closes between potential partners, how better to avoid the social awkwardness of face-to-face interactions and assuage the fear of rejection than by sliding into some hot girl’s DMs, comfortable in the illusion of a personal conversation without actually having one?” writes Elisabeth Sherman for Rolling Stone.

We’ve grown so used to this “sliding” and “avoidance” that lots of people are phoning it in when it comes to love and romance. They’re window shopping on apps instead of using them to actually set up dates. They’re so used to digitally dating (which isn’t dating at all) that the idea of a real, live date is daunting.

The workaround strategy: Like anything in life, you need to set firm goals for yourself. I think it’s nice to mix up the kinds of people you’re interacting with at any one time. I typically aim for two people —one who reached out to me first, and one who I reached out to first. This way, you make sure you’re active in the process. (Ladies, if you tend to sit on your hands and wait for messages to roll in, download Bumble and force yourself to get more engaged.)

No. 3: You aren’t setting up actual dates. 

Just like me, there are plenty of people out there with “text boyfriends” (or text girlfriends), perpetual matches, or people who they message with sporadically … for quite a long time. Tinder is actually sending a pair of Kent State University seniors on their first-ever date after they jokingly messaged each other for three years via the app.

It’s easy to fall into this trap: swipe, match, move on with your life. But there are ways to avoid this trap too.

The workaround strategy: You need to start weeding out phantom prospects by either messaging them or refusing to match with them. Give them the benefit of the doubt at first; if you’ve seen a person on an app platform before, you are both guilty of matching without interaction.

The next time you see that familiar profile, do another serious look. Ask yourself, “Am I excited enough about this match that I am willing to reach out now and break the silence?” If the answer is no, left swipe; the profile is just cluttering up your feed, distracting you from profiles with more potential. If the answer is yes, right swipe and reach out immediately (or as soon as you match again).

No. 4: You’re an “avoidant attacher.” If you have not read Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment, consider doing so. It’s an eye-opening book that explains a lot of common relationship cycles. In Attached, authors Amir Levine and Rachel Heller highlight three common attachment styles. There are secure attachers, roughly 50 percent of the population, who typically form healthy relationships with significant others. There are anxious attachers, around 20 percent, who worry about their relationships and their partner’s availability and desire to meet their needs. Finally, roughly 30 percent of the population is avoidant, meaning they see intimacy and attachment as a weakness and loss of personal independence.

Although they’re just 30 percent of the general population, avoidant attachers are more abundant in the dating pool for a reason that’s obvious in their namesake: They avoid commitment and intimacy, typically end relationships more frequently, and wind up in the dating pool for longer periods of time than secure or anxious attachers. People you see repeatedly, and match with regularly, might be this type.

Of course, the people you see over and over again could also just be coincidentally unattached at the same times that you are. Relationships end for everyone, and then you turn back to the dating pool. But it’s good to know what you’re dealing with, as avoidant attachers are not naturally inclined toward commitment.

The workaround strategy: It’s wise to figure out attachment styles no matter how you meet someone. However, if you meet online in this dating culture, it’s perhaps even more important to know if a person is avoidant. Susan Walsh of the blog Hooking Up Smart identifies some great filtering strategies for avoidant attachers that you can look for early on and later on while dating someone; including mixed messages, ignoring things you say that inconvenience them, maintaining their distance, and selectively responding to you.

If you encounter a person like this in the early days of dating, you may want to tread lightly until you know this person can be emotionally available in a way that’s mutually agreeable. That said, watch out for daters who issue a blatant red flag, or someone who “uses Miranda Rights in dating,” writes Walsh. “[He] warns you up front that he is a ‘bad boyfriend’ or not ready for commitment to absolve himself of emotional responsibility … but doesn’t walk away; ‘If you get hurt, it’s your own fault.’”

Later on in relationships, you can use some of Walsh’s other strategies to determine an avoidant tendency, like disregarding your emotional well-being, suggesting that you are needy, having an inability to consider feelings in their assessments, maintaining a defensive argument style, or seeming to separate sex from emotional intimacy.

In cases of relationships where you have an established investment in someone, I’d gently make the person aware of his or her insecure attachment style (there are lots of online quizzes), so that individual can take active steps to work on these behaviors that keep others at a distance. (Therapy can sometimes be helpful.) If that person can’t own up to the issues and be more available to meet your needs, the individual will never have a healthy relationship — with you or anyone else.

Jenna Birch is a journalist, a dating coach, and author of  The Love Gap (Grand Central Life & Style, January 2018). Her relationship column appears on Yahoo every Monday. To ask her a question, which may appear in an upcoming post, send an email to jen.birch@sbcglobal.net with “YAHOO QUESTION” in the subject line.

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