#the stories my parents tell would make your skin crawl

[violetsaffron5]

Beautiful Disaster (12)

← Chapter 11 • series masterlist • Chapter 13 →

12 | Okinawa

Pairing: Gojo Satoru x f!Reader

The group takes a trip to Okinawa

words: 3.8k

AN: Hey guys! Not sure if anyone is even reading this story anymore, but I fell of the face of the planet for a while, sorry about that. Things IRL were crazy with work and my personal life, and I just didn't have it in me to write anything. I actually had this chapter already done but forgot to post it here. It was posted on wattpad and Ao3 previously.

Ao3 • Discord 18+ • Social Media • Series Masterlists

March 2012

You’re running late - class got out late, and then you wanted to go back to your dorm to take a quick shower. You would normally just do that at his place, but you also needed to finish packing a few items for your weekend getaway.

Satoru was able to talk his parents into letting him use their vacation home in Okinawa. Apparently, they have a few to choose from, but the beaches are supposed to be amazing and it’s close enough that you can go there for the weekend without having to spend too much time traveling back and forth.

From what you’ve gathered, this is a trip Satoru, Suguru, Shoko, and Utahime plan every year. They were partying and hanging out one night, and spur of the moment Satoru wanted to get away and have some fun elsewhere so they jumped on a plane and spent the weekend there.

It’s a little cold this time of year, but you guys will make the most of it nonetheless. It’ll be nice, getting away, spending a relaxing weekend with your boyfriend and closest friends, not having to worry about school or anything else getting in the way.

When you walk into the off-campus house, your eyes immediately land on Satoru, leaning against the wall with his little round sunglasses covering his eyes. He turns and smiles as you walk over, wrapping your arms around his waist and giving him a soft peck on the lips.

You apologize for being late, but nobody seems to mind. It’s still early enough in the day that when you arrive in Okinawa everyone will have a chance to unpack and relax before heading to bed.

While everyone does a few last-minute checks to make sure they have everything they need, you hear a crisp high-pitched laugh come from the kitchen that makes your skin crawl.

Your eyes lock with Satoru’s while kissing your teeth in automatic annoyance.

“Oh boy,” Utahime sighs heavily as you wait for an explanation as to why Mei is walking into the living room with her suitcase in tow.

“Dude… You didn’t tell her Mei was coming?” Suguru states grimly before you have a chance to say anything.

You tilt your head to the side, incredibly annoyed, “You knew she was coming and didn’t say anything?”

Satoru shrugs, “I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. Sukuna invited her, not me.”

Your unamused expression is obvious as you quirk your eyebrow and glare at Sukuna from across the room. He grins, sharp canines on full display as he laughs quietly to himself, mischief in his eyes.

Fucker.

An irritated sigh leaves your lips but you decide to let it go. You were hoping to have a good weekend with your friends, and you’re still determined to do that, despite this little … hiccup.

The plus of dating someone who comes from an incredibly rich family, means there are times when you get to reap the benefits of his families hard earned money.

Case in point: taking their private jet to Okinawa.

And how could you possibly complain when being showered with complimentary champagne, spacious seating, and plenty of time to start your relaxing weekend?

Even Mei was bearable. But that’s mostly because she was tucked away at the back of the plane with Sukuna.

As expected, the Gojo’s vacation home - more of an estate really - is massive. The front is covered is lush, green grass with small areas of sand around a stone path that leads to the house - the front is covered with large, floor-to-ceiling windows to allow plenty of light.

The back is all white sand with a large pool - a hut off to the side with a hot tub, and another brick path that leads out to a dock with the ocean at your disposal. The water is so clean and beautiful here. Not as pretty as Satoru’s eyes, but a close second.

Inside the house is just as grand, with marble flooring, a huge kitchen with the latest appliances, and not a speck of dust in sight - it’s as if they have someone clean it, even though they don’t come here very often.

There are also more rooms than you know what to do with - enough space for everyone to have their own space without having to worry about sharing. Unless they choose to.

After deciding rooms - from which Sukuna and Mei don’t reappear, you leave Shoko, Utahime, and Suguru to their own devices, following Satoru down to the beach - only after promising to get into the hot tub with the girls tomorrow and spend time with them.

Tonight you’re spending the evening with Satoru.

He looks happy here, truly at peace. More than you’ve ever seen as he stands on the beach, sand between his toes, staring off into the wonders of the sea.

It’s reminiscent of the little beach he brought you to on your first date. Only this time there are no surfboards. He admitted, not long after you started officially dating, that he only used that as an excuse to touch you.

Dipping your toe in the cool water, a shiver runs through your spine moments before you’re splashed, head to toe, by salty freezing water.

Glaring at Satoru, he grins playfully before splashing you again and running into the ocean without a care in the world.

“Oh, you asshole!”

You run after him, laughing until he dives into the water. Huffing, you continue going out to where he submerged, legs kicking you out to see before yelping when large arms wrap around your waist, pulling you into that familiar hard chest.

“You really are a dickhead, you know that?” You’re not too upset, clearly, with the way your legs automatically wrap around his waist, his hands on your ass holding you in place.

He grins mischievously, “I’ll let you give my dick head, baby.”

“Don’t be gross.” You splash him gently with water before his lips connect with yours, and your arms wrap gently around his neck.

He pulls away to run his nose down the length of yours, causing you to sigh at the loss of contact before he’s back to nibbling your lower lip and kissing along your jaw.

Satoru is more loving than you ever could have imagined, especially after spilling your heart and telling him what happened between you and your mother. There was a part of you that was afraid he would think you’re too much of a mess, and wouldn’t want to deal with that part of your life.

But he’s proven you wrong. And this new direction your relationship has taken has made you really truly happy. You haven’t told him - or anyone really - but there have been thoughts lately that you can see yourself by his side for the rest of your life.

After what feels like forever, with kiss-swollen lips and pruney fingers from being out in the ocean, you make your way back to land. Shoko is there, smoking a cigarette and lying on one of the beach chairs.

Your cheeks heat because you didn’t realize she had made her way out here, but she doesn’t seem to be bothered. She does, however, hand you your phone and you eye is suspiciously wondering why she has it.

She shrugs, like she knows what you’re thinking, “Thought you’d want some pics. The sun was setting. You know, romance and all that.”

Shoko waves her hand in the direction of the ocean and you see what she means. The sun has started setting, and the pink, red, and purple hues from the sunset cast over the ocean.

“Wow,” you breathe, flipping through the few photos she took, “These are beautiful.”

Satoru lays his arms over your shoulders, looking at the pictures from over top your head, “Send me that one.”

You smile and do as he asks - you have your arm wrapped around his neck, foreheads pressed together, and smiling with the colors from the sunset in the background. It’s the perfect picture.

“I thought you said you were going to stop smoking,” Utahime scolds, startling all three of you. She’s marching towards Shoko with a fierce expression, Suguru walking behind her with his hands in his pockets, a small smile on his lips.

Satoru chuckles, kissing your forehead, and lacing his fingers with yours. 

“We’ll… See you guys tomorrow.” He says, flashing his eyebrows at his friends before Utahime can continue her argument with Shoko.

Your cheeks flame immediately, giggling as you awkwardly wave to them. They mutter half-hearted good nights, not really paying attention to either of you.

The weekend is peaceful - spending the day exploring around the estate, going to the ocean and swimming, laying out reading and just having quality time with your friends.

Mostly.

Mei is still around but hasn’t shown up a lot, off doing her own this with Sukuna. Which is a weird thought, the two of them together, but to each their own. And at any rate, you’re happy she’s not hanging around and overstaying her welcome.

By evening the two of them are hanging out in the kitchen when the rest of you come inside from lounging at the beach. You don’t acknowledge either of them - annoyed, yet not surprised - Sukuna would invite Mei just to piss you off.

Wrapping your arms around Satoru, you hold him close as he places his hand loosely around your shoulder, talking with Suguru. You’re not paying much attention as you flash your eyebrows to Shoko and purse your lips, the awkwardness of the unwanted guests - at least unwanted to you - setting in the space.

Shoko gasps, causing everyone's attention to fall on her, “We should play a game!”

Everyone chuckles at the slight slur of her words - she’s been nursing several beers and a few mixed drinks all day, taking full advantage of her absence from clinicals or work.

“What’d you have in mind?” Suguru asks, laughing when Shoko lifts her empty beer bottle in the air.

“Spin the bottle.” Shoko grins like it’s the best idea in the world while you roll your eyes.

Everyone agrees to appease her drunken state, moving into the living room, moving chairs, and getting comfortable around the coffee table.

“Alright, if you don’t kiss the person the bottle lands on,” Shoko announces, pointing her index finger in your direction, “Then you have to drink.”

You purse your lips. You know why she decided to point at you, and only you when making this announcement, but you really didn’t need the direct call out. Sure, everyone would assume it’s because of you but this was just unnecessary.

A sigh leaves your lips as you nod once, letting it go. Shoko’s drunk and you’re sure she didn’t intentionally mean it to come across like that.

During the game Shoko and Suguru kiss, Satoru and Suguru (causing several giggles), Mei and Sukuna. Utahime’s spin lands on Satoru - he grins at her boyishly but she makes a disgruntled face, opting to drink.

Not that you would have cared - you know Utahime can barely stand him and even if they did, or even Shoko kissed him - it wouldn’t have meant anything between them.

When Satoru leans forward and spins the bottle, it lands on Mei to your annoyance. She smiles, moving from her spot on the couch, closer to Satoru across the table. You glare at Sakuna who smiles wickedly, smoking his cigarette before passing it to Shoko.

When Satoru doesn’t reach for his cup, you hand him yours. He raises an eyebrow like the cup has personally offended him in some way, “What’s that for?”

“To drink?” You explain slowly, “Since you’re passing.”

He scoffs, narrowing his eyes, “It’s just a kiss. In a game everyone wanted to play.”

“And there was an added rule if you don’t want to do the kiss, you drink.”

Your heart is racing, jaw clenched as you stare each other down. Part of you wonders if you’re being unreasonable right now. It’s a game, and to his point, everyone did agree to play. But if Choso were here, and you spun and it landed on him, you would have skipped in a heartbeat knowing Satoru doesn’t like your dynamic.

Hell, you were planning on skipping if it landed on Sukuna or Suguru too… and Mei.

A heavy sigh leaves your lips, shaking your head slightly, defeated because you don’t want to argue right now and ruin everyone’s good time, even though you know it’s already happening.

“Fine,” You wave your hand in his direction, “Do what you want.”

Satoru rolls his eyes, grabbing the cup and downing all of his contents while his eyes bore into you, glaring.

“Maybe we… should head to the hot tub?” Suguru suggests, eyes flickering between you and Satoru.

“Ooh, yeah!” Shoko perks up, eyes bright after watching the scene in front of her.

You don’t reply, going back to your room to change and cool off for a few minutes. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Satoru appears but doesn’t speak. You can feel the tension rolling off him as he grabs his swim trunks and goes into the bathroom - away from you - to change before leaving the room.

There’s a part of you that doesn’t want to go back out there, and just stay in the room until you leave tomorrow. But at the same time, you do want to get into the hot tub one last time, forget about the stupid, childish game, and just move on.

When you come out of hiding and go to the hot tub, everyone is chatting happily. Satoru, still annoyed you can tell, helps you step into the water without falling and pulls you into his lap, resting his head on your shoulder and wrapping his arms around your waist.

You listen to the many conversations happening - Suguru and Satoru talking, one of his hands running up and down the length of your leg, the tension slowly dissipating. Utahime and Shoko are talking about their work schedules and the classes they have coming up during the next semester.

Mei sits next to Sukuna, whose long arms are wrapped around the back of the hot tub. He has more tattoos than you realized. Not only on his face but on his chest, back, biceps, and wrists.

You’re about to ask Sukuna if they mean anything or if they’re religious - satanic being your first guess, or ritualistic in some way when Mei’s sharp voice cuts through your thoughts about Sukuna and wondering if he sacrifices puppies - you wouldn’t be shocked knowing him.

“Satoru. I’m so excited for Bora Bora this summer.”

Your brows furrow and jaw clenches, and not just because, to you, her voice is as grating as nails on a chalkboard.

Satoru nods, but you cut in before he has a chance to say anything, “You’re going on vacation… together?”

He shrugs nonchalantly, “Apparently. Mom started planning it after Winter break.”

“And your families are going together?” You clarify.

“Yeah. Several of Dad’s closest business partners are going.”

“Okay…” You exhale slowly, “How long will you be gone?”

Satoru shrugs again, “Not sure. Maybe a month? The details aren’t finalized yet.”

Kissing your teeth, you stare at him, bewildered for a moment. The earlier… disagreement causing your heart to ache and being told a vacation with Mei’s family has been in the works for months without anyone mentioning it to you.

And you know why Mei brought it up.

“Were you going to tell me? Or maybe you were planning on ghosting me again.”

You go to move, not wanting to sit on his lap any longer, but his grip on your waist halts your movements.

“I’m telling you now.”

A short, unamused scoff comes out, “You’re only saying it now because Mei brought it up in front of me.”

He sighs, frustrated, “Yes, I was planning to tell you. I’ve been trying to talk Mom into letting you come, but she’s been adamant about it only being business partners and their families.”

“Of course she is. I’m not good enough for her precious image.”

“And,” Satoru interjects, “I wasn’t sure if your mom would let you come.”

This time you successfully wriggle out of his lap and get out of the hot tub, “That’s a lie and you know it. Mom doesn’t give a shit as long as I tell her where I’m at and call her once a week.”

“Where are you going?” Satoru asks, watching you wrap a towel around your frame and head inside.

“Bed. I’ve been humiliated enough for the night.”

You can hear Satoru sigh heavily before Mei says just loud enough for you to hear, “Isn’t it tiresome having to chase after her every time she gets a little upset or something doesn’t go her way?”

You don’t stick around to hear Satoru’s answer. So annoyed you don’t care, or afraid of what he might say, you’re not entirely sure at the moment.

Satoru doesn’t come after you, which you’re partially thankful for. You need some time to yourself.

He’s been so adamant things are over between them, and you want to believe him so badly, but things keep happening to pull them back together.

Their families are business partners, there’s no getting around that. And it’s not like you can ask his dad to just stop that - that would be insane. They’re going to be around each other, a lot, whether you like it or not.

His mom is clearly pushing them to be together - probably wanting to merge their business or expand their support. Things only the filthy rich think about - marrying their children off like that for more growth in the business world.

Maybe it is supposed to be them together - Satoru and Mei. Maybe you’re the one getting in the way of their happily ever after. After all, she did come first in terms of romantic interest.

Despite what Satoru says, there had to be some sort of attraction between them for him to stick around. He wouldn’t do that only for his mom’s sake, you don’t think at least.

But you also don’t bring anything of real value to the table - in terms of familial ties. You’re not rich, your family has nothing to offer him, and yet he still insists you’re the one he wants to be with, despite Mei’s best efforts.

And maybe you need to look at things from his point of view - he and Mei grew up together, and yes, they have a history with one another. Nothing you do or say will ever stop that being a fact. Maybe you just need to put up with it and deal with the hardships and the families pushing them together until you’ve graduated and can move on.

But that presents other issues. If you and Satoru are still together, once he finishes law school, is guaranteed he’ll be working at his dad’s firm, so they’ll still likely be around each other.

You groan, pulling at your hair slightly in frustration before running your palms down your face as the bedroom door opens and closes quietly.

Satoru sighs, the bed dipping under his weight. He’s leaning forward, his forearms on his knees as he speaks calmly, “You know if I wanted to still be with Mei, I would be.” He watches you through the corner of his eye, “Why are you so insecure around her?”

You think about it for a moment, chewing on your cheek, “She’s beautiful, and-”

“You’re gorgeous,” he interrupts.

Normally your heart would flutter at his words but instead, your lips form a straight line before continuing, “She’s rich and her family means something to yours. It’s painfully obvious she wants you back, and she’s willing to do anything to break us up. You act like a different person when she’s around - and when there’s an argument or I bring up the fact that I don’t like her, you continue to say the same things: that nothing is going on, rather than hearing me out. You take her side over mine. It’s like… you’re ashamed of me.”

“I’m not. At all.” He says quickly, “And there isn’t anything going on. It doesn’t matter if you think she’s trying to break us up -”

“God. This! I mean, do you even listen when you talk to me? I just want to rip out my hair and scream sometimes because of you.”

Satoru raises his eyebrows, before asking incredulously, “Because of me?”

“Yes! All you do is defend her and tell me I should just deal with the shit she says or the fact that she’s trying to weasel her way in between us. But my boyfriend won't fucking do that, because everything is just my problem to deal with on my own.”

“That’s not what I said at all. Jesus, you’re so dramatic, about everything.” He stands, taking several steps away from you and leaning against the wall.

You stare at him, tears welling in your eyes. “You’re right,” you resign, trying to not let the tears escape and failing, “Clearly, I’m the problem, not her. You can just… go do what you want. I won’t stop you anymore.

“Are you serious?” He asks in disbelief as you stand, gathering your belongings, but you don’t reply.

It’s quiet in the room, aside from a few sniffles you can’t help. When you make your way to the bathroom to gather your toiletries, Satoru’s hand grabs your wrist, stopping you in your tracks.

“Stop. We’re not doing this,” He motions between the two of you. “You’re not leaving, or breaking up with me, or whatever it is you’re trying to do right now. If I wanted to be with Mei, or anyone else, I would be. But I’m not, I’m with you. Okay?”

A few stray tears stream down your cheek as you look off to the side, anywhere but him while whispering, “Sometimes it’s hard to tell.”

Gently, he reaches out and grabs your cheeks, forcing your face up, “Look at me,” he says quietly.

Taking a deep breath, you slowly let your eyes meet his ocean-blue ones as he rubs his thumbs over your cheeks, wiping away the few stray tears, “I love you, okay?”

Swallowing thickly, you nod your head a few times, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath before his lips meet yours.

Your heart still feels heavy, despite his words. They used to make you feel better, but it’s just the same thing over and over again.

At the start of the weekend, you thought you’d be happy spending your life by Satoru’s side - but now you wonder how much longer you can keep this up. The same pain and heartache on repeat with no real changes.

@petalsrdead @sofiaconlaz @lovelylashawnalee @s-witch-bitch @watyousayin @desthevirgo @coffee-on-a-rainyautumn @musababy @sagejin @ritsatoru @faewithsnakes @erenputurchildreninsideme @lex-dear @hvziers @babybae-shisui @sugurunicorn @niki-sun @lilith412426 @sofiaconlaz @lxvephxbic @iam-mia9 @laylasbunbunny @creolequeen11210 @xiaosie @lem-hhn @yogurttea @slut-jr @crystxlline @ritsatoru @abba-simp @myabae @etherealkakashi @hyperfixationsporfavor @yihona-san06 @ambersea7 @knightoflove

[calumhoodgoss]

completely unrelated to 5sos - i just rewatched chernobyl, the hbo series, and its literally rocked my world all over again

you all have to watch it if you haven't yet

not joking its probably one of the most impactful shows ive ever seen

[coryosbaby]

18+, MDNI !!

Family friend! Billy The Kid teaching you how to kiss and it leading to much more <3 pulling him into your pretty pink room, pushing him onto the frilly sheets in the dark hours of the night. It’s a sleepless one— you and Billy had been up all night and your parents are sleeping soundly in their beds, clueless to their daughter’s secret pact with their beloved acquaintance.

You make sure to lock your door just in case.

The cowboy in front of you sprawls out on your mattress, foot grazing your ankle as you tell him a story about your friend Camille’s adultery.

“And she… she slipped her tongue in his mouth!” You exclaim, wide eyed and innocent. Billy mouth quirks up into a smile, his eyes moving to your pretty, plump lips. “I don’t know if I’d like that, Billy, not one bit.”

“How’dya know if you haven’t tried it?”

“I…” you blanch for a moment. “I dunno. I guess I wouldn’t— I wouldn’t do that anyway. ‘S bad.”

He gives you an amused smile. Your parents, of course, have spewed this narrative to you since you were a child. “No sex before marriage, no datin’ or kissin’ or huggin’” — Billy’s always been on his own, making his own decisions, and he thinks you should be able to do that too. He can’t deny the way your innocence gets his cock hard and bulging through his pants, though, and how badly he wants to corrupt every single part of you. Parents be damned, you’re one of a kind. Sweet and gentle, soft in all the right places, homely. Billy loves that about you. He’d marry you if he could, but even so, your parents would never allow it. They’d know right from the start what he was up to if he asked for their blessing.

His hand makes its way to your knee. He rests it there and massages the soft skin that’s exposed due to your nightgown riding up. You can’t help the flush that makes its way up to your cheeks.

“We could try it,” he suggests gently. “If you want to, darlin’.”

Your eyes widen as you look at him, and your fingers move up to the ribbon in your hair and twirl it around.

“I dunno, Billy..”

“‘M not gonna force you,” he replies. “Just a suggestion, that’s all.”

It’s silent for a moment, Billy awkwardly looking away. What if he fucked up? What if you told your parents?

“Okay.”

It surprises him when you say it so timidly.

“Alright,” Billy replies, then clears his throat and pats his thigh. “C’mere, sweetheart. Get in my lap.”

A smile spreads across your face, and you shyly crawl over to him on all fours before you press yourself down into his lap. Your thighs move to either side of his hips.

“Like this?”

“Just like that.”

Billy has to restrain himself as he sees your light blue cotton underwear peek out from underneath your nightgown. His hand splays across your lower back, pulling you closer. His other hand moves to your cheek.

You close your eyes, waiting for the moment when Billy leans in. His lips hit yours in a small peck, thumb grazing your jaw. You reciprocate as best as you can, and your lashes flutter open when he pulls away, your brows furrowing.

“That’s it?”

Billy can’t help the laugh that spills out of his mouth, loud enough that your hand slaps over his mouth.

“It ain’t funny!” You whine. “Be quiet, you’re gonna get us in trouble!”

He pulls your hand off of his mouth, a grin splaying across his face.

“Sorry.”

When it quiets once again, you lean into him.

“Can we do it again?”

He nods. Both of his hands wrap around your waist this time, and he presses his now smiling lips to yours again. This time it’s more desperate— Billy got one taste and now he can’t bring himself to stop. You let out a tiny whine, pulling away when you feel his tongue press against your lower lip.

“Billy, we can’t do that.”

“Says who?” He leans up against your ear, hands travelling lower, lower. He’s hungry for you, practically starving. “I won’t tell.”

The way he says it, raspy and deep, sends a shiver down your spine. You can’t help the way your thighs clench together, a moan leaving you when the hem of your nightgown is flipped up and Billy grips your ass in his palms. His mouth slots against yours again, leaving your head spinning as you allow his tongue to slip into the warm canal of your mouth. Your own tongue slides against his, the strangely pleasant taste of his saliva making you dizzy. A throbbing overtakes that special spot between your legs, and you grind down against Billy’s fabric clad thigh. He groans, wrapping a hand around your hair so he can pull off of your lips and move to your neck instead.

“Billy,” you whimper out, when you feel his fingers graze the inside of your thigh. “Billy, I feel all tingly.”

“It’s because you need me,” his fingers reach the crotch of your underwear, and his thumb presses against your clit through the fabric. You gasp, mouth falling open as he rubs it in slow circles. “See, sweetheart? Right here.”

“I-It.. it feels…”

“Good?” Of course it does, you’re practically soaked through your panties. “I know. You can make me feel good, too.”

“I can?” Your eyes brighten, and he nods, removing his fingers so he can begin to unbutton his pants instead.

“Mhm. You got me all tingly here, too.”

You look down as he pulls out his hard cock, dripping with arousal and ready for you. A dark thatch of hair sits at the base of him, a vein running up the middle and leading to a pretty pink tip. He gives it a few harsh strokes, pumping it up and down in his fist.

“Lay on your back for me, honey.”

You obey instantly, excitement curling in your gut as your head hits your pillow. Billy hooks his fingers into your panties and drags them down your legs. You blush when he pushes your legs apart, and the boy in front of you curses under his breath when he catches sight of your cunt all swollen and needy.

“You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen,” he murmurs. “Such a sweet little thing….”

He slides his cock between your folds, and you let out a tiny cry. It feels so different from before, so much better, if possible. You look down to see his cock’s aroused head moving in and out between your cunt lips, your thighs becoming slick with your arousal.

“That’s it..” Billy breathes, and he looks almost angry as he uses your slippery cunt. “Good girl, all wet ‘n warm for me.“

You moan at the sight of his muscled arms on either side of your hips as he touches you, your fingernails scraping against his shoulders. Billy leans down to give you another kiss. You return it, your teeth nipping his lower lip. It’s hard to think straight with the way he’s rubbing up against you so prettily.

He grinds against your cunny, using it like a soft pillow for his length, his breath heavy as he watches your little clit swell with arousal. He looks down at your hole, teeny tiny against his big, fat cock, and wants to stretch it so bad that it almost hurts.

But that’ll have to wait— right now, he needs to get you nice and ready, used to these new feelings and sensations. To help you become comfortable.

After a moment, sweat collecting on his brow, Billy pulls away from your lips and moves close to your ear.

“How’s it feel, darlin’?”

“I love it,” you reply to him, almost instantly. “You’re— you’re so handsome. You’re making me feel so..”

You trail off with a whine when his tip accidentally catches on your needy hole. He groans, letting out a string of swears. You clench around nothing, your instincts kicking in as your brain becoming fuzzy and empty.

“I need it— need it there, Billy. I want it inside.”

“Not there, baby. Not yet.”

You want to cry at his words, but not before an unknown feeling is building up in your core. The friction applied to your clit and the thought of Billy sinking into your gummy walls has you biting back a sob. He notices your changed expression, watches the way your legs suddenly tighten up and clamp down around his hips.

“Nghhh.. why does it feel like that?” Your eyes clench shut, confusion and desperation taking over you. “S-Somethin’s happenin’, Billy…”

He smiles, gripping his length in his hand so he can press it harder onto your clit, sliding against it and watching his cock become coated in your juices.

“Let it happen. It’s a good thing, baby— gonna feel so good.”

Your orgasm overtakes you faster than lightening. You arch your back as wave after wave of pleasure takes over you, colors flashing behind to eyelids. It’s the greatest you’ve ever felt, the greatest you ever thought you could feel, and Billy follows soon after with a moan against your neck. His warm cum squirts out onto your mound, glazing it in sticky white, and he desperately slides against your slit until you’ve milked him completely dry. You look down at the mess you’ve both made, his spend dripping onto the sheets. With his face against your breast, Billy chuckles.

“I bet Camilla’s gonna hear a hell of a story tomorrow, isn’t she?”

:: @mysticpenguincreation @nightmare-niko @iheartinkonpaper @becauseseaotters @emmalandry @princesstiti14 @aerangi @kaithoughs @jamespotterismydaddy @wildgirllz

[fiapartridge]

gabe perreault imagine please 🙏🙏

long time coming | gabe perreault 💌🌊⭐️

gabe perreault x fem!reader

summary: you're sick and the only person who can cure you is your best friend, gabe!

warning(s): fluff, fluff, fluff

author's note: eee this is my first gabe fic! thank u anon for suggesting him, i was in a huge writers slump so ty ty ty! enjoy!

You had heard stories of people falling in love with their best friend; it happened to your parents, your older sister and her boyfriend, all of your cousins, but to you, love just felt unattainable, like maybe you were the exception. The love bug skipped a generation and was already preparing for the next—but now? Now you felt it. You felt it crawl underneath your skin and bubble in your stomach. You felt your chest tighten and the heat rise to your cheeks. 

You were in love, true love.

“Gabe,” you groaned over the phone, his breathing sounding staticy over the line. You had been sick for a few days, only a slight cough and an itchy throat, but today felt 10 times worse. Your stomach was aching, your head felt like it was getting hit by a basketball every couple of seconds, and you sniffled so frequently you were sure that something was going to go up the wrong pipe and straight up to your brain. 

And you felt bad, not only because of your illness, but because it was nearly 2 AM and you could hear Gabe shuffle underneath his dark blue sheets in the dorm he shared with his best friend, Will Smith. You knew it was late and this was wrong. I mean, the boy had a game against Boston University in the morning, now was not the time to wake him, but you just didn’t know what to do. You felt like you were dying and all you needed was one of Gabe’s famous hugs and maybe a back rub (he was really good at those).

“Hey,” he said quietly, trying not to wake the snoring Will on the other side of the room. His eyes were fighting to stay open, determined not to lean onto his fluffy white pillow and fall back to sleep. “You okay?”

You sniffled, grabbing another tissue from the box that laid beside your bed. “I feel like I’m dying,” you responded, your voice sounding congested and nasally—not in the slightest like your normal tone.

You could hear shuffling on the other side of the phone. Then, you could hear keys jangling and his closet door opening, a hoodie getting thrown over his body, and then the door to his dorm being pulled open. You wanted to protest because you knew what he was doing, where he was going, but you had no energy to speak. Instead, your stubborn voice turned to loud coughs that made Gabe want to pull you in his arms and hold you until they faded into oblivion.

But he couldn’t. It was too much for you. It would be weird. You wouldn’t feel the same. It was the exact same thing he’s been telling himself for months (really what he’s been telling himself since the moment he met you). It would ruin your guys’ friendship and you will never want to speak to him again. If only he could hear your thoughts because then, maybe he’d be thinking differently, and it wouldn’t be so hard.

Three soft knocks on the door of your dorm signaled exactly what you suspected would happen. Gabe was your best friend and if he caught the flu, you would be there holding his hand and making him a bowl of chicken noodle soup. If you were crying about a failed test, he would buy you ice cream and agree to watch countless episodes of The Bachelor until you were feeling okay again. One time you were sick with Covid and Gabe didn’t even care. He stayed with you during quarantine, snuggled under mountains of blankets, watching movies until you were sick of them, and gossiping about anyone and anything. It wasn’t a surprise that he caught the sickness a couple days later. Your moms laughed about the memory, finding it endearing that you two loved each other so much that you were willing to be sick together. 

Gabe settled some medicine on your bedside table before lifting your light pink covers and crawling into bed with you. You fit perfectly into his arms, like this spot was made just for you. Despite your sweaty forehead and aching body, he held you tightly, placing small kisses on the crown of your head. Your parents had always joked about you two getting married someday, but sometimes you wished that it was real; that you would grow old with him and live in a big white house with a white picket fence and a large rose garden in the backyard. You truly couldn’t see your life with anyone else. 

But that was silly. Gabe was your best friend. That would just be weird—right?

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. He walked all the way from his building to yours in the middle of the night despite having a ginormous game tomorrow. He felt unreal, like how could a person be so perfect and somehow be yours?

“Don’t be,” his words were just as soft. His chin resting on the top of your head as yours fit in the space between his neck and shoulder, leaving delicate kisses on his adams apple. This isn’t what best friends do, you told yourself. Best friends don’t kiss each other. Best friends don’t cuddle underneath sheets and hold hands to “warm each other up.” It was confusing and you hated it. You hated not knowing how he was feeling when you knew exactly how you felt about Gabe.

“You didn’t have to come here.”

“You called.”

You laughed. “That doesn’t mean anything. You could’ve stayed in bed and slept longer and had good dreams and—”

“Hey,” he smiled down softly at you, lifting your chin to look up at him. His hand lingered there for a while, not wanting to move away from you. There was something about you that made Gabe want to be closer and closer. There was something that made him want to parade you around campus, telling everyone that you were his. He wanted to see you in his jersey and kiss you after games and hold you tight at parties. He wanted to take you with him to New York when he plays for the Rangers after college and introduce you to his family as his girlfriend instead of just his best friend. Gabe was ready for more, but he hated thinking that you might not be. “I wasn’t just going to let you die, okay?”

You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, like that one time you pushed me down that water slide at Hurricane Harbor.”

“Pft, you wanted to go down that.”

You chuckled incredulously. “There is no way you just said that.”

“‘Oh, Gabe, please take me on this waterslide. I’ve been dying to go with you.’”

“I don’t sound like that.”

He grinned. “Yeah, you sound like this,” he said, pinching his nose with his fingers, his voice sounding blocked and nasally.

You pushed his hands away, hiding your face in his clothed chest. “Shut up.”

“C’mon, you love it.”

“I will fight you.”

He ran his hand up and down your arm, your eyes fluttering closed and your breathing steadying. He held you tighter, wrapping both arms around you and snuggling deeper into the bed. His last words before you fell into hypnosis lingered in your mind as you couldn’t even escape your lovestruck dreams of the perfect boy. “Keep telling yourself that, sicko.”

By the time the sun rose, you were sure that he would be gone; that his hoodie would be collected from the carpet, that his legs would no longer be intertwined with yours, and that his belongings would be gone, but he was still there and you were still in his arms and everything was still perfect. His breathing was soft and slow, his little curls were a bit tussled, his cheeks were pale, and you wondered what he was dreaming about that left a ghost of a smile on his face.

You wanted to wake up like this everyday and everyday after that. So yeah, maybe you were in love. Maybe you were in deep. And maybe you were ready to tell him.

He rustled around before lifting his eyes open, his smile growing wider when he saw your pink face, knowing he caught you staring at him as you glanced around the room, trying not to make eye contact with the boy.

“Feeling better?” he asked, turning to his side and facing you. 

A strand slipped through your loose ponytail and settled on the front of your face, covering your eyes as he allowed his hands to work faster than his mind. He slowly brought his hand up, carefully moving the strand behind your ear. And you would expect the moment to be over but when his hand lingered on your cheek, his thumb lightly running over the smooth skin of your face, you knew that maybe just maybe there could be something more.

You nodded slowly. “I’m okay.”

“I’m glad. I hate seeing my girl sick,” he spoke softly as if speaking any louder would shatter the calming atmosphere. 

My girl. You wanted to allow your mind to toss and turn, investigate the meaning behind those two words, search for his thought-process, his feelings, anything, but for the first time in forever, you felt serene and calm with him. You didn’t feel the need to wonder what this meant for the two of you. You were perfectly content where you were now, where you were going, and what you were going to do next.

You placed your hand on his chest, feeling his heart beat fast yet gentle. His eyes wandered down to your place of connection and when they met yours again, you could’ve sworn you saw something: a spark, hope, clarity, confirmation.

And when he leaned in, holding your face close with the hand still resting on your cheek, his lips hovering over yours, desperate to connect, you knew nothing would be the same. He would never be just your best friend anymore. And you were perfectly okay with that.

As Gabe leaned in, his lips met yours in a tender, yet passionate kiss. It was a moment that felt suspended in time, where every sensation was heightened—the warmth of his touch, the softness of his lips, the racing of your heart. In that instant, all doubts melted away, replaced by an overwhelming sense of certainty and bliss.

The kiss deepened, as if both of you were pouring all the unspoken feelings and desires into this one act. Your hands found their way to his hair, fingers threading through the soft strands as you pulled him closer, wanting to feel every part of him against you. His arms tightened around you, pulling you impossibly closer as if he never wanted to let go.

Time seemed to stand still as you lost yourselves in each other, the outside world fading into insignificance. When you finally broke apart, breathless and flushed, you found yourselves gazing into each other's eyes, the realization of what had just happened sinking in. But there was no fear, no uncertainty, only a profound sense of connection and joy.

“I’m sick,” you said, making Gabe chuckle softly. Of course your first words after a long-anticipated kiss would be that. But that’s what Gabe loved about you. You were you in every sense of the word. You are the reason his stomach hurts from laughing every time he comes back to his dorm, staring into space as he thinks about your giggle and your smile and your stupid humor. You are everything. You’re the world. 

I just kissed the world, Gabe thought. My girl.

With a smile that spoke volumes, Gabe whispered, "I don’t care." 

“You will when you get sick.”

“And will you be here? When I get sick?” he asked, his thumb running back and forth on the exposed space of skin on your pelvis. 

You nodded. You would be there for him through anything no matter what. “Always.”

“Then I’m okay with it.”

And in that moment, as you nestled into his embrace once more, you knew that the stories were real and true; that love is real and true, because you just fell in it and you couldn’t be happier.

[deaddovedecadence]

Meta reader anon here! (Got nervous when I asked 😭)

Anyways, how would the Batman react to a reader who’s kinda been through a situation like the one Jason was in? (Lowkey trauma dump I’m so sorry-) like my father’s a really manipulative and narcissistic person so I have a much easier time picking up on stuff like that. Reader would legit already be on high suspicion (not like they weren’t already but like 10x more-)

Also keep up the good work! Really enjoy your stories!

A/N okay but learning about duke in the moonlight verse hours

”Why are you so afraid of me?” Duke asks curiously, some of thier braids swishing into their face.

You shrug, not meeting their eyes because you know that if you do then they’ll know something you don’t want them to. they’ve always been too observant for your tastes and looking at them makes something under your skin crawl.

You know hat Duke is a meta because signal is a meta even though they’ve never used thier powers around you, never made you feel afraid on purpose.

In fact Duke is always gentle with you, like you’re something that could break, something that they’re choosing to keep whole.

“Who are you?” You ask, staring them straight in the face. They smile (it’s not real), “I’m duke, your sibling.” YOu want to scream liar because they aren’t your sibling, because there is something wrong with the way that they are.

“What happened to you?” you try, keeping your expression gentle, open because there’s somethign that they just aren’t telling you.

They laugh,, “nothing, I’m all good.”

“Liar.” You snap, abandoning your game of pretend.

Duke gives you a too sharp smile, says, “I’ll tell you what happened to me if you tell me why you’re always avoiding me.”

That’s an easy choice to make. “You’re off. It’s like you’re constantly hiding something under your kindness.”

They laugh bitterly, the first sharp sounds that you’ve ever heard from them. “I was adopted two years before you. My parents were caught in a fight between Joker and batman. My mother was immunocompromised and joker used his gas to try and finally kill the terror of our city, the batman. Bruce found me, holding her dead body and he took me in. I didn’t have a choice and there was no one there to keep me from making mistakes.”

They pull back their sweater enough for you to see seven tally marks. “One for every member of the family,” Duke says absently.

“So they never forget where they belong,” Bruce cuts in, appearing out of nowhere. He puts a hand on Duke’s shoulder and you watch the way they bristle, but don;t bother moving.

There’s an implied threat in the way that bruce speaks, a warning that you could share the same scars with one addition, Duke’s.

[tlou-reid]

Cruel Summer ❆ JJ Maybank

☃︎ SUMMARY: jj is love sick for a kook, much to his friends' dismay

☃︎ WARNINGS: fluff, cussing, that's it really

☃︎ NOTE: welcome to swiftmas 2023! we're happy to have you here!

swiftmas masterlist

.｡❅⋆⍋∞｡∞⍋⋆❅｡.

And I snuck through the garden gate, every night that summer just to seal my fate.

JJ knew John B would tease the shit out of him if he knew what was going on. He could hear the way Kiara would yell at him as he pulled himself up to the top of the fence. JJ!, she would say, for a fucking kook! He couldn’t bring himself to be embarrassed or ashamed about his current situation. Not when you were on the other side.

He could see the subtle glow of your fairy lights from where his feet dropped into your family’s garden. He walked a few paces, stopping at the pink azaleas he had seen your mom caring for a few weeks back. He was almost caught that night. Had it not been for the fact that he dropped his hat and had to circle back for it, your mom definitely would’ve noticed the tall blonde creeping around her backyard.

In a way, he thinks it was fate. He wasn’t meant to be caught because he needed to make it to you. But, seeing your mom had him longing to be able to come in through the front door. He wanted to come in and say hello to your parents and pet the over-excitedly family dog. He wanted them to ask him how he was and listen to them talk about their days at work. He wanted to be a part of your family.

He shakes his head to remove any of these longing thoughts. He knew if he wanted it, he had to do something about it. That was the plan for tonight.

He bent down to pick two or three of the pink flowers, neatly tucking them in the back pocket of his jean shorts. He made his way to the trellis that led right up to your bedroom window. He used to hate the way kooks decorated the outside of their houses with stupid shit like this, but it has proven to be incredibly useful. 

The gentle knocks on your window pulled your attention away from the book that was open in your lap. Your tummy erupted into butterflies, knowing JJ was on the other side. Your cheeks were starting to hurt from the amount of smiling you were doing as you opened the window for him.

He crawled into the room quickly, much smoother than he did when your arrangement first started. At first, he would come over to hook up. You’d met at a party and instantly made a connection, or you thought you did. When he walked away from where you stood and talked, returning to the pogues. Even with the lack of light at the party, you could see the dirty looks JJ’s group of friends sent your way.

And I scream, “For whatever it’s worth, I love you. Ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?”

“Hi, JJ!” You excitedly greet him, pulling him in for a hug. Your undefined relationship had grown past just friends with benefits but was still up in the air. “Hey, princess,” he smiled, pulling you flush against him. “How’s your day been?” You smiled at his question, retreating to sit crisscross at the edge of your bed.

JJ looked very out of place as he took the spot next to you. He looked dirty, worn, compared to the bright, beautiful colors of your room. Even compared to you and your glowing skin and bright smile. Maybe that’s why he felt so light when he was in your room.

You began telling him about your day, using your hands to animate the very mundane stories from your day at the private school you attend. Usually, rich people droning on and on about the minor inconveniences they faced throughout their day would be enough to set JJ off. However, the way you lit up as you told your stories and emphasized different parts with your hands and facial expressions made it intriguing.

JJ laughed at your jokes and looked sad when you told him about your struggles. What always made him feel the best, however, was when you finished your stories and turned to him. You always asked the same question, “And what went down in JJ’s world today?” It was silly and some would even call it cringey, but he loved it.

He tells you about his time mowing a few of your neighbor’s yards, and how one of the older ladies had given him a free lunch. He watched your facial expressions as he talked, knowing you couldn’t hide your emotions if you wanted to. He saw your “aww” at the mention of the old lady, knowing who he was talking about.

He also saw the way your face twisted up as he started telling you about the dirtbike races the pogues had gone on today and how John B. scrapped the shit out of his knees. JJ stopped talking once he noticed how unhappy you looked, turning away from you and tensing up.

“Why do you always have to do that?” He said with an attitude. You were learning how easily he could get upset, but you couldn’t really blame him due to how his family life is. Still, you rolled your eyes at his words, “Do what, JJ?” You mirrored his tone, the joyful air that had surrounded you when he first arrived quickly dissipated.

“Get upset when I mention my friends. Sorry they’re not kooky bitches who cry when they get a bad grade.” You rolled your eyes again at his words, shifting your body away from him. “You know I don’t care what or who your friends are.”

“Then what’s your issue then?” He turned back to face you, raising his voice as he spoke, “I listen to you talk about your rich friends and I can’t even tell you one fucking story?” You were getting quickly annoyed as he was making assumptions about your intentions. “JJ, that’s not-” He cut you off, “What is it then?” He was almost yelling now, not caring that your family was still in the house.

“I fucking love you, JJ! I love you and your fucking friends are gonna ruin it! It’s the worst fucking thing that could’ve happened to you, to us! But I fucking love you!” It was your turn to raise your voice. You were ranting, almost, just trying to get your feelings out there. You loved him, but the pogues would never let that happen. You’re not Sarah Cameron, queen of the kooks. You’re just you, and they won’t like that.

You think you’re about to lose your mind when JJ’s smile spreads across his face. He’s grinning like a Cheshire cat, and it’s pissing you off. You open your mouth to speak, but he stops you by pulling you in for a kiss. The most passionate one you two had shared up until this point.

Once he pulls away, he holds your hands in his lap as he speaks, “When have I ever given a shit about what they think?” In his own, messed up kind of way, this is JJ’s way of telling you he loved you too. This was confirmed when he stood up and retrieved the crushed flowers from his back pocket. He handed them to you and you both erupted into laughter at the state of them.

[thekiltongrammarwriter]

The Case of The Heart's Whisper 18+

Pairing: Pippa Fitz Amobi x Fem Reader

Summary: You didn't realize having a relationship with Andie Bell would lead you to become Pippa Fitz Amobi's main resource in Andie Bell's complex life. You also didn't expect to fall for the detective, especially since you're still hanging on the girl who broke your heart.

words:6k

Authors Note: I wrote this piece quite a while ago after reading halfway through the first book, for that matter this story includes many inconsistencies and does not follow booklore in terms of storyline or even timelines. What if reader helps pip with the case and ends up falling in love with Pip? but a bit Andie-coded because I just love her. This was just meant as a fun writer's challenge and is meant to be entertaining. Please also keep in mind this was written before I finished the first book.

Warnings: Past Andie x fem reader, angst, fluff, possessive pip if you squint. Mentions of child abuse, toxic parenting, Andie bell haunting everyone from the grave. Dark pip having the ability to bring me to my knees. This story is not suppose to make sense. That’s about it. Steamy but actual smut is not written. Not proof read. Reader is on her last year in school. Being held back a year for therapy. Cussing.

"What was your relationship with Andie Bell?". You gulped, feeling tears start to brim at just the name. Her name. Images of soft blue eyes and Andie's infamous smirk replayed in your mind like a broken record. Bringing back memories you had flushed away, locked away tight.

Under the watchful glare of Pippa Fitz Amobi, you felt your tongue dry against the roof of your mouth. Her words replaying in your mind, 'what was your relationship with Andie Bell?'

It wasn't that easy. You wish you could have gotten up from your seat in the canteen, where pip laid out her voice recorder, her strong willful blue eyes seeming to crawl over your skin, but not in a predatory manner, you couldn't help but notice the way she was staring at you. It made your stomach flip, your eyes burn, it felt all too familiar, the way her eyes were focused on you. With such intensity.

Just like her.

It had been forever since someone had eyed you like that. Five whole years to be exact.

A deep guttural sound boomed you away from your thoughts and your eyes moved to the boy who sat across from you, Ravi singh. His eyes were on you as well, except you couldn't help but feel like he was judging you. Sitting down with his arms crossed and his dark eyes looking into your soul, how were you suppose to tell him that Andie had been interested in you. That she had personally took you aside after you had stumbled upon Sal and Andie in the canteen, Andie with her usual puppy dog eyes directed at Sal. It had hurt, like a sucker punch to the gut.

All the things Andie had said to you during your studying lesson. It all had been lies. Of course you did nothing, only turned back on your heel, book bag in hand. You heard rushed footsteps next and then Andie was behind you. Her force strong and impatient, "y/n wait!! I didn't mean for you to see that". You had halted, burning red eyes and betrayal filling your veins. You turned on the girl, yanking your hand from under her touch.

"My friends were right about you Andie bell. You're nothing but a cruel mean person who will use anyone for your gain! I should have known the minute you came to talk to me that you had no intention of being my friend! Or whatever the hell you were playing at. Do yourself a favor, get  another French tutor. I'm done."

Cue to the next day, when you were making your usual walk to Kilton grammar l, beanie in hand as the chilly English weather had been harsh at that day, numbing your fingers to the bone. Your father never was one for making sure you were comfortable and safe, his job stopped the day you were born. Despite  your rough upbringing you were usually rather optimistic, everyone always said you were a female version of Sal signh. Not exactly what you wanted to hear, but maybe that was why Andie gravitated torward you. You shook your head, Andie Bell was out of your life. And like life, you watched as a silver SUV parked along side you, Andie bell in the front seat, brows furrowed.

"Get in the car you'll freeze to death" she spoke. You only continued walking, defiant. "I prefer the cold air, it makes my immune system stronger".

You didn't expect Andie to park the car, getting out with a grumble and practically tackling you. If you closed your eyes just enough you could still feel Andie's soft fingers ghosting over your cheeks bones, hot breathe against your ear. "I apologize for what I did. It's just...Sal is my best friend. And perhaps I should have broke it off with him, but it's hard. And then you came into the canteen and I panicked, I'm not use to panicking. I-" Andie's blue eyes had remained still, blush on her cheeks. "I like you y/n. Like a lot. It wasn't suppose to happen at first I really did need help with my French, but then I started noticing things about you. Like how you're always so sweet to others, how you mumble when you're nervous. Or how no matter how much your dad makes you unhappy, you always seem to be shining. Why is that? Is there some sort of secret?".

You remember feeling like you were in the twilight zone. Andie bell was a popular girl, a popular girl with a cruel heart, one who enjoyed hurting others. And yet here she was, helping you up and dusting your trousers. Her eyes warm and soft. Why she liked you, you didn't know. But you wanted to know why.

Needless to say how were you suppose to sit and say that Andie bell had liked you, not to Ravi Singh , that would just make him hate you more. And perhaps you felt guilty. Because his brother had died for Andie bell. And she had been playing games with you.

A soft brush of fingers against your hand made you turn back to the girl, in an act of utter coincidence or an act of kindness, you weren't sure which she spoke, this time to Ravi.

"Ravi would you mind leaving us two girls together? I believe y/n would feel more comfortable giving me her account without others listening in".

At this you watched as Ravi immediately stood up, eying you with strange eyes, before walking out of the canteen, the door's hinges making an utter awful squeaking noise that reminded you of the deer your father use to shoot.

"Andie wasn't like the others".  You didn't recognize your voice as you spoke. It was brittle, far away sounding, pain infused. You watched as Pippa remained speechless, eying you with her soft grey eyes.

"The others?" Her brows furrowed, "other students you mean?".

You nodded, a tear flying past your cheeks and onto your bottom lip, tasting the familiar salt on your tongue. You watched as pip followed the motion, eyes drifting down your lips.

"At first when she came round to me, I thought it was some cruel joke she was trying to play. I had heard about what she'd done to Nat De Silva. People talked. But....when she came round to my desk after French class and asked if I could tutor her I was lost for words". Pippa watched as a smirk filled your lips. 

"Andie bell was kind to me. I don't know why....perhaps she saw something in me others didn't bother to see. And-and perhaps if we had gotten to be around each other more we could have been something. But she's gone now. And no one can bring her back".

"I will"

The words made your eyes find pip's. And you watched as the girl without thought reached over the table, taking your trembling fingers into her own, holding them against her own flushed fingers. Almost like she knew.

"I can't promise you Andie....I cannot simply wave my fingers and make her appear. Although I wish I could....but I can offer you peace. Justice. I can offer you a finalized solid answer to what truly happened to her. I've heard what others said about you and her. You were special to her too y/n".

At that all composure left you. Your body began to tremble and you let the soft sobs rock your body, the all to consuming feeling of grief taking over.

In an instance pip was beside you, bringing you to her chest and holding tightly. So tight you could feel the girls heartbeat, which was rapid and going a mile a minute. Battering against her rib cage.

You clung to her, after all these fives years you had wanted someone to hold you like this, to brush the tears away and say that it gets better. That time can heal wounds, but of course stuck with your father who had no notion of feelings or emotions that was not what you had learned to expect. Instead you tucked it away.

But pippa was kind. She had a sense of ease that seemed to calm your racing heart. And lull you into a sense of comfort. And perhaps, if you were being honest, she had that same energy to her. It was like having a piece of Andie with you, however small it was. Because as much as Pippa reminded you of Andie, she was almost completely 100% different. Where Andie was rough around the edges, pipa was solid, keen on the way she thought, logical. Where Andie was sporadic and lacking sympathy, pip made up for it with her soft eyes and just heart.

In the weeks that followed you found your eyes finding Pip's when you would greet her in the hall of Kilton grammar, her eyes seeming to find yours in a crowd. She was always the first to greet you, smile that pipa smile. What you were not aware of was the fact that pip had been ogling you during lunch apparently.

"What's up with Pippa Fitz Amobi always staring at you?" You blanched. Eyes wide as you eyed your best friend Seth from across the lunch table, your fresh salad you had nicked from the canteen bar forgotten.

"What do you mean? I helped her out with her end of term project a few weeks ago. She's probably just grateful or something. Not many people gave her grace over the topic" you growled out.

Seth, who was not very bright in social cues only began talking yet again. "No I mean, she's always staring at you now. She was in geography and just now when you sat down. I think she fancies you".

You had to chuckle at that, your laughter filling the lunchroom, your cheeks flushed and eyes wide, you immediately shoved Seth, "that is the most stupid comment I have ever heard!! Pippa fitz Amobi having a crush on me! Me Seth! I'm nobody. Seriously what a notion. She's probably got a few more questions to ask me."

"Well I better prepare because she's coming this way".

Your smile vanished, your eyes wide. "What!"

And like clockwork pipa was in front of your table, blue eyes scanning you. "Sorry to interrupt your lunch hour y/n, but would you mind if I asked you to have dinner with my family and I after school? I know it's sudden. I was going to ask Ravi, but I figured I hadn't properly thanked you for answering my questions"

Seth smiled from the brim of his thermos, making your nerves ramp up even more, but you stayed calm, moving your eyes to Pippa's. A small smile formed on your lips as you took in her face, all furrowed lines and nervous fingers behind her back. You half expected her to serenade you with random facts, a sign she was nervous.

"I really would love to pip" you began, and you watched as Pippa's smile began to grow, her blue eyes alight with something you couldn't understand yet.

"That's wonderful!! My mum is making shepards pie, are you alright with that? I wouldn't want to make something that doesn't sit well with your stomach". Pippa’s nervous rambling was cute to an extent, and you only chuckled.

"I haven't had a decent shepards pie in quite  while, my father isn't a real good cook." You explained, and pipa nodded, before reaching out and taking your hand in hers, your reflex was to pull your hand away, but Pippa's touch was firm, almost gentle as she softly moved your sweater from your Palms, "it's alright, I'll be gentle, no need for a scare" she spoke, directly to you, blue eyes soft as she produced a pen from her Kilton uniform, writing her home address on the back of your palm, the nib of the pen feeling cold against your warm skin.

Seth only remained the smiling idiot he was, wagging his furrowed brows as if to say, 'is that evidence enough?' You only sent him daggers.

Turning back to pip who was on the last letter of her street name, you eyed the canteen, finding little to no teens were sat paid attention to you two. You made a small noise with your throat, watching as pip's eyes flew to yours, a sea of light blue, whispering softly you spoke.

"How's your EPQ going? Have you made any progress? About Andie?" Maybe it was the way her name fell of your lips, or how desperate for answers you were. Pippa's eyes widened, and she spoke fast, "I can't speak of it here. That's partly why I invited you round to my house. I have some more questions. But these need to be answered privately."

Privately?

Pippa must have sensed your apprehension, because she was soon smiling, "nothing to be scared about y/n. If anything your answers have changed my mind about Andie. To an extent. And it will just be us tonight, Ravi is working. I noticed how you clammed up with him last time".

"I didn't clam up, it's just odd having Sal singh's brother eying me like I have some secret I'm hiding from him." You shot back, your confidence seeming to find its way out. You couldn't help but feel that raw feeling weld up in your chest, your teeth gritted out. You felt a flush take over your face as you apologized, your words escaping you. Gosh, here pip was going out of her way to invite you to a dinner, a family dinner that is, where you were probably intruding on, and you had snapped at her.

Pippa only eyed you, eyes flashing over your flared nostrils and wide set eyes,you watched as her eyes remained transfixed to your features, her blue grey eyes darkening just enough as she eyed your flushed cheeks. You would have found that odd, if it were not for your rambling, rapid apologies falling of your lips.  Pip only halted your words, leaning in so close you could smell her perfume, strawberry and raspberry. Your heart raced out of its chest at the way Pip moved to lean over you, her eyes taking in your eyes and your flushed racing chest, the smile that reached her lips was so saccharine that it made your stomach erupt in butterflies. Pip spoke softly against your ear, like it was some sort of secret to be hid from others.  Her words were soft, velvety against her tongue, "I like when you use your voice" she spoke, "it's cute. You look almost like a little puppy, puffing out its chest and barring its teeth. Such a sweet little creature"

From the way Pip smiled victoriously over the way your eyes followed her, almost trance like, you could practically feel Seth's eyes burning holes into you, probably resisting the urge to yell "she's obviously flirting with you!".  Once your brain was cognizant enough to realize that pip had said you reminded her of a dog, a puppy at that. A puppy, the lowest of the forms of dogs. Why didn't she just say you were akin to a baby playing in the sand box? It would have irked you, if we're not for the way that pip stayed eyeing you, a shine in her grey eyes, almost like she was getting some sort of high from teasing you. It made your cheeks flush and your eyes move down to her lips, which were plastered in that smile, the one that twisted your insides in the best way.

You felt your confidence come back to you in tiny spurts, your eyebrows raising, tongue coming to peek out over eager lips, "Who knows Amobi?" You spoke, twisting your lips into a even sweeter smile, your voice taking on a different tone, "I may be a wolf in sheep's clothing, easy on the eyes, soft, sweet, so sweet that you would be blinded by what I could do".

At that you watched as pip's eyes glazed over, her usual pale complexion pink in color. "Is that so?" She began.  "Well I'll just have to see about that. Half past six tonight, don't be late" she spoke, winking at you and walking off. As she walked off, You felt a sudden pang in your chest at your realization. You liked Pippa Fitz Amobi. You had ever since she had held you that day a few weeks ago.  But you never acknowledged it, it felt to odd. Too shameful.  You hadn't had a crush on anyone since Andie, you had stuck to your small group of friends and avoided going out, mostly you stayed in your room, far away from prying eyes and your father, who was too into himself to notice your tear stained cheeks on days you would allow your mind to drift back to Andie.

It almost felt like you betraying her, being here flirting with pip, almost like you had forgotten her for a split moment. Like your pain and anguish had been wiped clean and put back together by the girl in front of you.

Pippa watched you as she sat back with Cara, the way your eyes were downcast, and she felt a pang in her heart, you were still grieving, that part was evident. But if she could just get to know you, the real you she was sure she would be able to help ease the burden. After all Andie and you had been close, close enough that even witnesses and Andie's own friends had stated that Andie had been drawn to you. Like a moth to a flame.

At first pip had found that odd, a girl of Andie's caliber being drawn to you, but as she observed you throughout the weeks she found out two things. first, you we're different than all the other students that roamed these halls of Kilton grammar. You were kind to a fault, the sort of kind that made people smile, and their days brighter. You were a ray of sunshine on a cold dreary day. No wonder Andie had been drawn to you, after all she had been through with her dad, her family life, you had been a breathe of fresh air. A oasis away from the troubles of life. But you were also a mystery, one she couldn't wait to sink her teeth into, to know every little secret you ever had.

"Shall I send off the wedding invitations?" Cara spoke, making pip roll her eyes but steal some of the girls custard, which remained untouched on the girls plate.

"It seems Pip's EPQ is not the only thing she wants to study" seth spoke, and you only rubbed your cheeks in your hands, "oh god! She probably thinks I'm a nutter Seth” you gritted out.

Seth laughed, "after that performance?? Are you kidding me!! If I was a girl I would have fallen for you! I mean, you basically challenged her back. Pip seems like she needs that."

**********

Kilton weather was often dreary, which was why you were partly glad that you had managed to bring your jumper, the air was cold and seemed to nip at your bones. You had snuck away while your father had gone down for bed, his tell tale signs of liquor cans littering the floor and the loud snores indicating he was out for the night.

Not that he minded if you went out, he usually didn't have any notions of where you were, it was a miracle you weren't one of those teenagers who abused that power. You knew many teens who would go wild with the freedom your father gave you. But with freedom came many things, the mood swings, the often vile words that would fall of your fathers lips when he drank too much. You knew he loved you, it was apparent he did, but he never had the courage to say it, never once. You chalked it up the fact that he had never had that himself, your grandparents were the typical Victorian English parents, their idea of affection was a Pat on the back and a job well done.

Drastically different than your mother. Even after years of her being gone you still felt the ache that her face brought. Etched into your memory like a painting that would never waver. Or fade. You hoped. Your mother had been your world, she had been there to pick you up and dust you of, but like everything in life she had withered and vanished. It was a car accident that took her. The icy roads of Kilton still haunted you. So you were on your own. Till Andie of course. Then you felt less alone, less inclined to be alone. Andie wasn't all smiles, she was a girl trapped in a toxic house, where her father would eye her looks, make her feel little than she was. You had understood that to a sense, and would sit and listen as she would talk endlessly about her father.

The Amobi's household was quiet, the house sitting on the edge of town, with a quiet garden in the front that you knew Pippa’s mother had loved to garden in. It didn't surprise you that right as you made it to the door, it opened. Pippa standing in the threshold, a dinner dress on and hair pinned slightly to the side, enough that you couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked. 

Vastly different from her regular Kilton uniform,  although the high knee socks did wonders for her appearance.

You couldn't help but notice how formal she looked, meanwhile you were less than formal.

A blush overcame your features, eying your now less than formal dinner attire. "I didn't realize it was fancy dress" you stated, "that dress looks beautiful on you pip. Even I couldn't make it as radiant as you".

Pippa had smiled, her cheeks crimson. "Oh this? I figured you would like to see me in something more than my Kilton uniform. Please, come in. You'll catch your death out here.".

Immediately you were bombared with checkered paws and a snout that began to lick at your face, all rough tongue and eager sniffs. you giggled, moving to draw your hand through the dogs soft fur. "This must be Barney. I've been told we share a couple attributes" you laughed, and the dog only began to bark at you playfully. The moment was ruined quick enough when pip gently moved Barney, "she's not here to see you Barney".

Pip's mother, Mrs Amobi had been almost overjoyed to see you. She had reached out and had hugged you so hard your bones had nearly popped off. She had knew your mother for years and had even stated you looked just like her. It was a comfort to know.

Mr Amobi had been just as nice, smiling and telling you how lovely you looked, you were thankful that a father had noticed. Josh was next, he had quickly said hello to you and asked if you were Pippa's new friend, to which you had eyed pipa and playfully remarked that was up to her. 

Dinner was pleasant. You couldn't remember sitting down to a dinner like this, where the food was made with love and care, where jokes were passed around and by the end you were filled with laughter and a full stomach. You tried not to notice pippa's eyes which were on you for almost half the dinner. It would have seem of putting to anyone else, but you noticed the way Pip's eyes would watch you as your brought trifle to your mouth, grey eyes zeroed in on the ice cream that stuck to your lips. Or the way she would make a joke, eyes seeming to smile wide when you would laugh just a little harder.  While you had gotten up to help Mrs Amobi with the dishes, feeling like a horrid house guest when she had just smiled and told you to sit your pretty self down. You had been hesitant to, but it was only then that pip crossed the room, moving to whisper something in your ear. Goosebumps arose on your forearms and you only watched as she took your hand in her own, fingers slotting against your own.

"Before you leave I was wondering if you wanted to take a look at my EPQ? It's just- I found some things you might be interested in".

You had agreed, feeling your stomach coil pleasanty as pip's fingers wrapped around your own, her grip soft yet firm, fingers caressing your skin. It made your head dizzy with want, the type that would fill your head and cause you to do stupid, stupid things. Luckily as soon as you passed into the threshold of Pips door your eyes caught sight of the board adorning the girls room. And as quickly as the soft syrupy feeling in your stomach had come it was gone. Vanished just of the sight of the crime board,

you were met with the board, Pippa's writing strewn about and evidence upon evidence filling the space. It shouldn't have made you so emotional, but you couldn't help but bring your hands to your lips. After five years pipa had managed to collect more than enough evidence, something the Kilton police hadn't the courage to do.

"You-you did all this?" You spoke, eyes turning to pipa in amazement.

She humbly nodded, "well Ravi helped me. But I did most of the work. I just felt as if I should show you" pip spoke, moving closer to you, enough that her pinky bumped over yours, the soft feeling of skin against your own making your cheeks flushed.

You eyed the board, taking in the utter dedication that had gone into it, but it was what was written on the board that made your heart stop. Not from surprise, or even grief. But anger. Anger that had grown in your chest for years now.

'Andie's secret older guy?' Written in Pipa's messy yet beautiful handwriting stared back at you. You could feel the way your heart had stilled, the world was quiet. Nothing but the board and pipa by your side.

You knew Andie well enough to know that you were just a pawn in her game. Even if she had told you she was fond of you, made you feel special, made you feel like you were important, said she saw you differently than others, she still had used you.  You were never as important as she said you were. Because it was evident from the board that she hadn't been as enthralled with you as it seemed. She had been secretly out with some older man.

You chucked sardonically, eyes moving to pip's ceiling. "Andie always did love her secrets didn't she?" You whispered.  "I know it's silly, but Andie was all I had left after my mum died. She made me feel like I was the most important girl, she would coo at me and tell me that she thought I was beautiful. And then she'd tell me to tell her she was the most beautiful girl in the world. And I would, without hesitation. But now I'm seeing parts of her I didn't recognize, or perhaps pieces that were always there but thanks to my naivety I just brushed off. I'm- I'm angry. Obviously, that she lied to me, it hurts. The type of hurt that makes your eyes burn and your body numb. But I also know that she's still out there, and even if she hurt me I'm not giving up". The conviction   in your voice was enough to cause pip's heart to stop, hoping that someday you'd talk about her like that. With stars in your eyes.

"I'm glad to hear you say that. Because I know this is awfully sudden, but- would you like to be my partner on this case?" Pip spoke, tilting her head and eying you with such soft eyes.

It was different from the flirty Pip from the canteen. Here was just pip, with her soft kind eyes, peering at you with-understanding.

" isn't Ravi your partner? I would hate to intrude-"

"I want you with me" pip has stuttered, eyes wide when she had spoken, but then her eyes calmed and she spoke again, "I want you to help me with this case. You knew Andie better than anyone. And you could be important. Theirs no reason why this case can’t have three investigators”.

You let your eyes fall down to pip's wooden floor. For five years you've wanted the chance to find out what happened to Andie, not just for yourself but her parents, and Becca. The whole Bell family, because even if they had hurt Andie, she had also hurt them in turn. When you meant family, you had no notion of adding Jason bell to the mix.

"Alright" you spoke, lips upturning into a smile.

"I'll help you".  The smile on Pip's lips was reward enough.

******

The first thing you learned about Pip was that she was different from the other girls you'd met. And you had met many, being a tutor at Kilton grammar many had come to you. And they were all the same. The same way of speaking, even the same monotone spirit in their eyes.

But Pip was different. She was clever, well educated. Her brain worked faster than others. Perhaps a touch obsessive, but you would admit that you were also on the edge between obsessive.

"Andie had a burner phone" you spoke, watching as Pip's eyes burned with excitement, Ravi sitting on her chair in her room. It had been a particularly hard day, one that lead with no leads. Till you had spoken, hoping this fact would help. You had remembered seeing Andie silence the phone when you had been studying together, saying something about a Howie Bowers.

Pip's smile was wide and she immediately rushed to you, pulling you into a hug and kissing your cheek, "y/n you clever thing! We need to find that burner phone. Where could it be?" She thought, back to her usual pacing the floor.

Ravi remained standing a few feet from you, eyes refusing to meet your eyes. Ever since pip had introduced you to the team, Ravi had been distant. You knew he liked pip. Could see it in his dark brooding eyes. To him she must have been a goddess, a girl who thought his brother wasn't guilty, who was going to prove it. Might as well propose.

But lately you had seen their dynamic change. Instead of pip always looking to Ravi, her eyes were on you. You were the one she went to, when her dog had disappeared, when she had cried and cried enough tears you had been the one to wipe them away, to calm her down.

And Ravi knew that. And he hated you for it. And you couldn't help but feel like you didn't quite belong.

You brought that up to Pip during one of your sleepovers, the ones that had become usual now. Usual enough that pip even had designated a drawer that belonged to you. Ravi would complain that it wasn't fair that you got to spend the night, but pip would just smile that smile and say something to make him smile. It usually left you with a bad taste in your mouth.

"Ravi isn't fond of me is he?" You had stated. Pip had looked up from her log entries, halting the recorder that was spewing out a very angry Nat De Silva interview.

Pip's eyes had widened, her lips upturned into a questionable smile. Brows filled with concern more like.

"Where on earth did that come from?".

You had rolled your eyes, moving to lay dramatically on her bed, "you act as if you don't see the way he looks at me. Don't get me wrong he's always been cordial. But-I've seen the way he looks at me. Like he hates me. And everything always had to be a competition for him. Like let's see who can win pip first."

At that Pip's smile was evident as she watched you ramble. Taking in your pink lips, your pale complexion, the way your sleep shirt was riding up enough to reveal your braw straps. Something akin to hunger laid in her eyes.

"And I'm not that type of person" you began, rubbing your tired cheeks, eyes taking in the ceiling.

"I don't like when people have to choose sides. Ravi's making this into some stupid competition, like if your friends with me then you can't be friends with him. and that is not who I am! It's stupid and childish! and honestly I am beginning to think I should drop out, let Ravi and you finish the case. Because I am not-"

"I choose you".

The words had halted on your tongue. Lips dry, you immediately sat up, hair a mess of curls and you eyed Pip, who sat up next to you, laptop long forgotten as she eyed you.

Waiting for your response. Her grey eyes holding so much apprehension in them.

You only eyed her with confused eyes, "I don't want you to have to choose-"

"I don't care. I still choose you over him."

Pip was close now, her form leaning over yours, enough that your heart had begun to race. "I can't help it" pip began, her face now so close to your neck, pip smiled when she caught sight of the way your cheeks flushed.

And without even a warning pip was closing the distance, capturing your lips in a kiss. You only allowed your eyes to close, enjoying the way pip was laid on top of you, the weight of her body making you warm and fuzzy.

Pip kissed like her life depended on it, every brush of her lips was deliberate, very stroke of her finger against your cheeks was soft. It left your head spinning and your lips chapped.

"You taste so good" she spoke, in between kisses, her breathe ragged and eyes wild.

Her hands laid possessively over your waist, fingers gripping your skin softly yet firmly. You don't think you've ever been this turned on before, save for your few moments with Andie.

But pip, with her lips that were unforgiving and her hands that were ticking your sides. You had never thought pip Amobi, the girl who use to ask for extra homework would be this experienced.

Pip's lips moved to your chin, your jaw, your neck. And all you could do was whine in protest.

Again you couldn't help but compare Pipa to Andie, no matter how much you tried not no, to convince yourself that they were different people, you couldn't help it. When Andie had been with you, and she had that look in her eye, that familiar glean, the way her fingers would caress your hands, then up your arm. Andie had always been a hurry. She would pull you against her in the girls toilet, shushing you and then kissing you senseless, to her it was some stupid power move. She would have you say how much you were obsessed with her, and then she would leave you even more turned on, moving to wipe lipstick of her lips in the schools dodgy mirror. She never went far enough with you, and you always wondered why.

She had always been eager, that was fact, but she had never done what pip was doing. Eying you with dark blue eyes, Mapping out every detail of your features, "it's not fair for you to look so utterly ravishing" she had uttered, looking somewhat conflicted as she eyed your lips.

Her delicate fingers moved to hover over your face, swiping delicately a piece of hair that had gotten in the way. The way pip had done it, so softly, had made your arousal burn even more.

Pip sighed, fingers moving to dip bellow your chin, gripping softly, yet enough that your breathe hitched as she lazily caressed the skin bellow your chin.

"What am I going to do with you sweet girl?" she purred, eyes dark. "I could take you here right now on my bed like I've imagined so many times, or I could take you on the floor, though I doubt it would be sanitary. Though I would fancy fucking you on my door. You'd look so cute trying to stay quiet" she drawled out, laughing when your cheeks reddened, she clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth, feigning thinking.

Her smile had been confirmation enough that she had come to a conclusion. Her smile somehow looking like a toss between Pervy and downright Sinful.

"How about we start by removing this lovely top? Hmm?" She cooed, lips leaning in to kiss your lips firmly, leaving you breathless and your brain foggy. You only nodded into the kiss, and Pip very cleverly dodged your lips, wiping away the tiny bit of salvia that followed.

It shouldn't have been hot, you knew that. You knew if you were not being controlled by your horny mind you would have been sick, but from the way Pip had begun unbuttoning your night shirt, each button coming undone sending shivers through you. pip remained stoic, but you could see the control in her eyes shifting as the last button was taken of.

"I trust you pip...you can take it off" you whispered, your voice quiet and calm, yet you felt your body buzzing with anticipation.

It was then that your eyes opened, taking in the dark room, chest heaving as you eyes the girl next to you, watching as her chest rose and fell beside you sound asleep. Had all of that been a dream? Your cheeks flushed, the pit in her stomach opening up as you realized.

You were in love with Pippa fitz Amobi, and you couldn’t deny it any longer. You had to confess, for your sanity.

[quecksilvereyes]

oh, sister, I am sorry. your eyes are sunken and your skin is bruised. your lips are chapped, your nailbeds bitten raw. your husband's hand on your waist is a ghost's touch held by the band on your left ring finger and I-

I am dead.

I got on the train, Su. Nevermind your tears, nevermind the plea you could not shape with words, nevermind your fingers on the pulse point of my wrist. "stay", you'd said, as you have always done, dictionary in hand and baby teeth yet lodged in your jaw. "don't go where i cannot."

I step through a wardrobe and you follow, damned be reason. I slay a wolf and you follow, I cling to the little ones and you follow, I am crowned and you follow, I am-

I go past a lamp post, and you follow, damned be dread. I go to a train station and you follow, trembling hands and tender heart. I go, and I go, and I go, and you follow. Sun of my skies. Light of my life.

I go. you stop.

are we too old for stories, now? ten-and-four and ten-and-three, budding bodies and steel bones, we are cast from our home. i hold the little ones until i drown in them. you grip your skirts until no iron can press the shape of your palms from them. and you have ever been, cruelly reasonable and logically callous.

say you, glass shard eyes and rouge-red lips: we are english. we are children. she thinks she has found a magical land in the upstairs wardrobe.

say I, trembling hands and coiling guts: we are narnian. we are monarchs. if she's not mad and she's not lying, then logically she must be telling the truth.

my sister Susan, beautiful as folk tales are and twice as sharp, did you intend every invitation you took for me to twist the knife a godly animal once thrust into my guts? perhaps it was the way your eyes turned blue, or the sound of your laughter losing its bells. perhaps it was just my trembling fingers at the back of your legs, drawing stocking lines where no stockings had ever lain.

the line came out shaking, and you rubbed it off until your skin cried red. the hem of your dress still dripped wet when you left that day, turning on heels too narrow for you to walk in.

do you remember? it took you days to come home, and mother wailed for all of them. you crawled into my bed that night, as you did when we were parents to our little ones, those terrible months. your head on my shoulder, your breath in my ear, I held you until morning.

your mouth in my throat, eyes heavy with sleep, tongue heavy with champagne: we are here now. we must make the best of it. he cannot have all our lives, and all our joys. i wish you would laugh again.

doesn't little lucy, shrieking mouth and tumbling legs, laugh enough for us all?

lucy's manic. if she didn't laugh she'd cry.

i think sometimes, in the parts of my guts that are still a schoolboy, and are mean and cruel to match, that the alcohol makes you softer than the daylight ever could. i do not tell you.

i press my lips to your forehead. i wrap my arms around you. the year between us rings heavy, and when I get up in the morning, you do not follow.

I tried, Su. I did. I applied for university, I saw that girl with that smile. with those eyes. I let you take sections from the paper before I ever touched it, I held the little ones in my arms, and I made coffee in the morning. I sat all my exams.

I smiled when the little ones came back smelling of home.

Aslan's wounds, did I try. but-

I have ever been a thing made for stories. brave the way knights are, bloody knuckles and buckling pride. a horse between my calves, a sword in my hands.

I think, sometimes, that I was born for my sword, for the hollow ringing of my heart when I first held it. a part of me, even then, ten-and-three and soaked to the bone.

such bravery is not made for real world boys and real world taunts. there is a map, I think, from the summits of my knuckles to the jaws of every boy who ever looked at me and bared his teeth.

I am sovereign. I am the skies for your sun to burn in.

I am made wrong, for this england, and I cannot take this life you want. I belong, I think, into myths and legend, the star-studded shards of our home.

so I went on the train, Susan. so I died, and I named what you have chosen. so I banned you from their scorning mouths. so you grip your husband's hand, realest of us all, and you cry. you do not follow.

Forgive me.

[night-raven-tattler]

Hello, hello <3 How are you?

I loved your writing!

The HC from the Heartslabyul group as parents left me thinking: how would Deuce react if, after getting married and having his own girls (Deuce is 1000% the father of a girl), he met an ex "friend" of his time as a delinquent who hasn't changed much in his ways and REALLY wants to piss off poor Deuce

(sorry, my English is unga bunga ༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ)

-🌙

Hey 🌙! Mx Tattly is happy to share what she knows on the matter. He's happy to see you're sharing the same girl dad!Deuce vision. Here is the information you've requested!

Show of power, show of growth

Characters: Deuce x GN!Reader (romantic), unnamed older daughter and unnamed younger daughter

Warnings: threats, mentions of violence

By opening the document, you agree to Mx Tattly's terms of confidentiality.

-ˋˏ’✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Being part of an elite anti-mage division was an achievement both you and Deuce were infinitely proud of, but he had to admit the job was very time consuming

And, since he now was a father of two girls that he bent over backwards for to fulfill their every whim, Deuce has his schedule full to the brim

Despite his busy schedule, he loves taking his girls out for walks especially during the evening, an activity he has been doing ever since his cuties were just babies

It started as a chance to give you, his spouse, a few moments to yourself to relax and destress while he bonded with the babies

He'd point at various trees, shops, the sky, and talk about them to his kids, until they were old enough to start doing the same on their own

It was a late summer evening when Deuce came home after a stressful day, and the only thing he could think of to destress was to spend time with his family

Deuce was not lucky enough for his daughters to want any indoor activities, though

So he just accepted his fate and took his little ones for a walk in the neighborhood

His older daughter, the cutest chatterbox in the world, was swinging his left hand back and forth as she pointed with her free hand at the neighborhood cats, giving them names and making up stories about their lives

His younger daughter, a quiet observer, was holding his other hand while she occasionally asked her older sister or dad questions

It was an evening like any other, nothing seemingly out of the ordinary

Yet, something felt...off

Even without his specialized training, Deuce had always been able to tell when someone was watching him, overly curious eyes burning holes in his back

He turned his head around, and saw the person looking at him

A young man about the same age as him was walking towards him

He was wearing a jacket Deuce recognized as a sign of one of the city's smaller gangs, whose members focused on shoplifting and public disturbances

Why was this person approaching him?

“Oi, Spade. Been a while since I last saw ya. Middle school, maybe?"

At first, Deuce had no idea who the guy in front of him was

"Sorry, do I know you?"

The guy scoffed, looking offended by the idea of Deuce not remembering him

"Come on, man. Heard through the grapevine you're a cop now, but that doesn't mean you have to forget your old shoplifting buddy."

The words made his eyes widen and he tightened the hold he had on his girls as an old memory came to him

He was in middle school when him and an old classmate, Kateur Pilla, stole a few bags of chips off a shelf in a local shop without getting caught

"There ya go, ya remember me after all!'"

The memory brought a bitter taste to Deuce's mouth and his face was burning with shame, but he was brought back to reality by a small hand squeezing his

"Daddy, what's shoplifting?"

The guy's eyes fell on the source of the tiny voice, Deuce's oldest child, making Deuce shiver and pull his daughter behind him

“You even have kids now! Damn, man, you really became a good-for-nothing goody-two-shoes.”

The entire existence of this guy in his family's vicinity made his skin crawl

His grip on his older daughter tightened and he picked up his youngest

"At least I did something worthwhile with my life. Now scram."

“Aw, come on, you really can't spare me a chat?”

"No, not really.”

Deuce's response came through gritted teeth

His self control improved tremendously during the years, only because he has learned how to redirect his attention towards something else

In this case, his seemingly oblivious daughters

But he still felt the burning urge to grab this guy by the collar

“Not even if I promise to give you some info? Paid info, of course. Some guys I know got their hands on some stuff that's for sure illegal. How about we have a chat, hm? Or are you still that dumb to refuse such a golden opportunity? Man, cops really are stupid.”

His tone changed into something more condescending, even though he was still a small nobody compared to Officer Spade, member of the Queendom of Roses' anti-mage division

…but Deuce felt his younger daughter cling onto his jacket, feeling the intimidating air Kateur was trying to scare Deuce with

His blood pressure started rising, and he started slightly shaking, trying his best to control the urge to kick Kateur away from the innocent eyes of his kids

"Maybe you didn't change after all. What's that badge for if you're still the same dumbass you were years ago? Wanna go steal some cigs?"

Deuce felt his hands shaking 

But before he got to push his girls away and do something he regretted, he heard a familiar voice call his name

"Deuce? Honey, what's happening?"

With your talent for appearing wherever there's trouble, you made a beeline to your family, disregarding the presence of the guy and picking up your oldest kid

Without a second through, he handed you your second child

“Go home. I have something to deal with.”

You nodded and walked away with your confused and slightly scared little girls

Now that Deuce was finally alone, he had the opportunity to punch this guy for daring to disturb his family

...but he chose not to

“Listen here, ya punk.”

The guy flinched back as Deuce's voice boomed, obviously not expecting to be so rattled

"I am a good man now. I have a family. And I don't allow any human trash to speak to me that way.”

Cracking his knuckles, Deuce stepped closer, and the guy was backed into a corner

“Scram. Don't bother me or my family again, or I’ll forget I'm a good man.”

Kateur realized he has crossed a line, so he just tsked and walked away empty handed

Before he returned home, Deuce walked around a bit to shake off his anger, directed at Kateur... and directed at himself

Why wasn't he able to just ignore the guy?

Was Kateur right after all? Did Deuce really not change at all?

..No, he must be wrong, Deuce did not use violence, which was good

But he still threatened the guy, and that wasn't good

…Not arriving at any satisfactory conclusion, he eventually decided to just go home

You watched how Deuce walked into the living room of your small apartment, your girls welcoming him with open arms and high spirits, a striking contrast to not too long ago

The moment Deuce saw them, he smiled warmly and thought to himself how they inherited your talent to make him better 

When your older daughter kept asking Deuce again about what "shoplifting” meant, you sent the girls to their room so you could discuss with your husband what happened

He told you everything that went down before your arrival, expecting to be scolded for losing his temper, like a small child waiting to be sent to the corner to think about what he'd done

"To be honest, you did great! The girls are safe and happy, and you managed to shoo away the guy without getting physical. That's the best outcome I can ask for."

..You were right

He thanked you and gave you a kiss on the forehead for reassuring him before you walked together to your daughters' room to spend some time together

And you sighed with relief after watching Deuce relax as he played together with his daughters

He would have to change his usual route for a while, just to make sure they wouldn't be bothered again

But if he'd have to face the guy again, he knew he could do even better than that 

『••✎••』

[idcbabyialreadylostmymind]

Blood of my Blood pt.4

Pairing-Sully family x Sully!reader

Summary- There is so much you would do for your family even at a young age but there is one thing you just couldn't do so you do the only thing you find reasonable you run.

Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4

A/N- Low-key sad this series is ending its been one of my favs a wrote but thank you all who supported me amd this series I hope you like the ending 🫶🏼

Na'vi Translations: Sempu- Daddy, Sa'nu- mommy

You felt someone shaking you awake and finally you woke up from your first peaceful sleep in a while. You open your eyes and see Neteyam and Kiri standing over you and Tuk sitting up eating some citrus like fruit. ''Uh, hey good morning to you too.'' You say rubbing your tired eyes that threaten to close every once and a while.

''We just wanted to say thanks for taking the blame yesterday you didn't have to but you did.'' He said and you smiled, "Where's Lo'ak?" You ask about the absence of your other younger brother as you lifted yourself out of bed and into a changing area. "Still asleep " Kiri replied and you only hum in response.

Quickly, changing into a feather intricate top and a long skirt that was white and soft. Walking out Tuk squeals and tugs at your skirt and you laugh. ''Can I have a long skirt?'' She asked and you took her hand in yours. ''I'm sure I can whip you up something.'' You say and she yells in excitement.

You all walked into the communal area and at the very center sat Kamun, Jake, Neytiri, and Peyral who seemed deep in conversation. But Neteyam stopped and cursed under his breath. ''I have to get that scroll dad asked for or his gonna skin me alive.'' He said as he ran back up to the rooms. ''Shoot me and Tuk are supposed to gather herbs for trade, can you tell mom that we are doing our duties and will attend later.'' Kiri said, picking up Tuk and running into an empty healers tent.

You were dumbfounded they just did that. You shrug and sit next to Kamun and Jake "Uh they wanted me to tell you they'll join later they got some stuff to do." You tell the two a you begin peeling a star shaped fruit. Cutting the fruit someone bumped into you making the knife slice your hand, ''Fucking shit.'' You say as you drop the fruit and knife everyone watches as you leave and go into a healer's tent.

Only thing you didn't notice were the two other omaticaya na'vi following your worried expression laced their faces.

''Do you need help.'' Neytiri asked and you bit your lip.

Of course you wanted help, you wanted to crawl into their laps and talk about useless stuff, curl your head into their necks amd have them rub your back as they used to, tell stories, you wanted to melt into their warmth, the warmth you've yearned for years.

But you couldn't help but hold resentment towards your parents for what they did, how they chose something like that and expected you to be okay with it.

You shake your head yes as you wrap the cut up horribly. "Here I can help." Jake says walking towards you and you quickly grow irritated with their presence as you step back from his reaching hand. "I'm fine." You say to him tightening the bandage. "Y/N please-" Jake said and you inhale and glare daggers into his direction. "What?" You say harshly.

"Just listen to us-" Cut off again. "Why?" You ask, "Why should I listen to you?" You hiss at the two and it seemed you inherited the patience of your father as he soon grew irritated with your stubbornness. "I don't know why you are angry at us." He said and you laughed, your laughter was full of bitterness. "You don't know, that's rich." You say rubbing your eyes. "Hey you're the one who left, remember." He said and you look at him and clench your fist the anger that began bubbling from the start was now boiling as you stared at your father.

"Yeah the one who left," you retaliate stepping closer to him. "You two had my entire life planned out for me. Didn't give me a chance." Your voice breaks as your eyes fill to the brim with tears, but you refused to let them fall, to let them see you break. "Didn't give me a chance." Your voice was barely above a whisper. "Didn't even give me a choice." You say looking at them.

Neytiri felt shameful she knew the arrangement was wrong all those years ago but she didn't wanna risk war so she risked her daughters happiness, how ashamed she felt was nothing in comparison to how Jake felt and what you are about to say smaked the realization into his face.

"I was just a kid."

Walking out of the room and not turning back. Jake's face had a few tears that seemed to slip past his eye and he looked at his mate who shared the same expression, pain mixed with a little sadness but most of all shame.

You didn't attend any activities for the day and stayed in your room at dinner time. Peyral allowed this as she saw how angered you looked when you stormed away from Jake and Neytiri earlier that day. Tuk kept asking where you were and the others were worried as well, did they do something wrong?

They all had questions that ran throughout their minds and their shoulders hung low as they walked to their rooms.

Neytiri and Jake sat on their shared cot and all they could think about was the pained look that painted tour features only hours ago and Jake couldn't handle it anymore. "Let's go talk to her." He said and Neytiri's ears perked up as she stood up and was the first out of the room.

They stood in front of your room and heard low humming. It was a lullaby Neytiri used to sing to you.

Allowing themselves into the room they see you fixing up your bow and sharpening a few weapons. "You still remember it." Neytiri said making her voice known only to make you jump since it is in the middle of the night after all. Sitting down the freshly sharpened blade down you inhaled sharply.

"Of course I still remember I always forced you to sing it to me." You say getting up now staring at the two. "Is there something you wish to say?" You ask directly.

Silence.

A pinecone falls.

Silence.

Eye contact mever faltered.

Silence.

An animal screeches.

Silence.

"We're sorry."

Those two words penetrated the walls that you securely put up and threatened to crumble down.

"We're so sorry." Jake said, stepping closer to you as you only look at the ground in disbelief. "We were wrong, I see that now." He says bringing a hand to your face and your widened eyes stare up at him.

"I see you daughter."

You smile as tears pooled to your eyes and slipped out from under your lashes, throwing yourself into his arms. "I missed you sempu." You say and his heart that had been shattered from the fear of rejection pieced back together as he hugged you back. Pulling from the hug you look at her and she has a smile. "Sa'nu.." you say and all she did was embrace you with her warmth, that warmth you've yearned for you finally got it back.

Your relationship improved with your parents as did the relationship between your siblings, it was clear to any passing Na'vi.

You finally had your family back.

Tags- @ssc7514 @23victoria @wtf-why-do-i-gotta-do-this @chaoticmagazineboard @spicycloudsalad @ilovejakesullysdick @ihonestlydontknowwhattonamethis @neteyamforlife @phoenixgurl030 @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @kikookii @elegantkidfansoul @kurtsworld096 @bucky1235 @dizzythediasy @ducks118 @iwanttogohomeandtakeanap @arianapntn @hellok1ttycake @tsireyak @ambria @dimplesxx @v4mp1rr3 @ughits-kayla @lilgurlbeoncrack @t3ddyhon3y @sillyfreakfanparty @mentallyillmexican @dreamsholdpowers @sseleniaa @bat1212 @iikatsukii @simp-erformarvelwomen @dimplesxx @nanamisbigassschlong @yukichan67 @abbersreads @tejas-kris

[wardenparker]

The Viper's Bride - Epilogue

Oberyn Martell x female reader x Ellaria Sand x OC Co-written with @absurdthirst

The second Prince of Dorne has lived under the illusion that he would not be forced to wed for his entire life. He has enough lovers and illegitimate children to make him a legend across Westeros, and the love of his soulmate Ellaria Sand to content him. But a contract between his brother and a lord from the north will catapult him into a match that may prove to be as complicated as it is intriguing. Especially when he learns that you already have a soulmate of your own.

Rating: T, but this blog is always 18+ Word Count: 9.5k Warnings: *Blanket warnings for this series: terrible parents, age gap 10+ years, arranged marriage, classicism, cursing, food and alcohol, internalized homophobia. Reader is described as having hair long enough to braid. This is a MMFFF polycule, folx. Get on board or don't click to keep reading. Pregnancy!* Childhood illness, vague descriptions of surgery, child in pain, pregnancy. Epilogue time is fluff time. Summary: In the years after returning to Dorne, your family grows exponentially. Notes: I'm just utterly heartbroken to say farewell to our favourite Dornish prince this week, but hopefully you all enjoyed the ride and were as glad to see this family grow as we were to tell the story 🧡🧡

Ch 1 ~ Ch 2 ~ Ch 3 ~ Ch 4 ~ Ch 5 ~ Ch 6 ~ Ch 7 ~ Ch 8 ~ Ch 9 ~ Ch 10 ~ Ch 11 ~ Ch 12 ~ Ch 13 ~ Ch 14 ~ Ch 15 ~ Ch 16

The sun is not up yet when the door to your chambers pushes open, and small feet pad across the smooth floor. You had been up late last night, celebrating another pregnancy with your husband although you have long since stopped keeping track of who the father actually is. Having now born two children that deeply resemble Oberyn and two that distinctly carry Raeden’s features, it no longer matters whose offspring you bear next. This beloved little girl, though, at nine years old, is the first of your children and very definitely resembles her Sand Snake sisters. Antonia Martell, Princess of Dorne.

There is more gray in Oberyn's hair than black, his body slower to recover from nights of excess, but his eyes open as soon as a little hand touches his arm. "Princess." He rasps, opening his arms to allow her to climb into the large bed. She knows that there might be times when others are there as well and has never questioned it yet. "Did you have a nightmare?"

Antonia shakes her head fiercely and her lip trembles as she snuggles in next to her father. “I can’t sleep,” she whispers, round eyes wide with tears as she tries not to wake her mother.

"What is wrong, my little date cake?" His eyes are brighter, clear and focused on his daughter as she grimaces. He had nicknamed her that after all the date cakes you had stuffed yourself with, lovingly provided by your half brother.

The sound of one of your children will always wake you, and even if you are a bit groggy you make sure to be able to focus on them. Right now, Antonia pulls that focus. “Did Kira keep you up, sweetheart?” At only six years old, little Kira often crawls into her older sister’s bed in the nursery, wondering out loud until all hours of the night or begging Antonia to tell her a story even though you and Oberyn take turns reading to them every night.

“No, Mama.” Even if she had, Antonia wouldn’t tattle on her sister. Her pout grows fiercer and she points to her side with a great sob. “It hurts.”

"What hurts?" Oberyn is sitting up instantly, reaching for his little girl to pull onto his lap. "Star, light the candles." Even though it could just be a stomach ache from too many sweets, Antonia isn't one to complain too much.

In a flash you are out of bed, grabbing a candelabra from the nearby table and bringing it close to the bed with care once it is lit. “Show us, sweetheart.”

Antonia is careful, pointing to her side without touching herself at all, and for the first time you notice her nose is a bit runny and her skin is damp with a thin sheen of sweat. “My tummy hurts,” she tells you both, chin trembling terribly.

“My poor little date cake.” Oberyn keeps his voice soothing, wanting to comfort her as he slowly presses his hand to her side, hating that she cries out in pain. “We need the maester.” He grunts, pulling his hand away and stroking her hair. “Sorry my love, I didn’t mean to cause you more pain. Papa would never want to cause you pain.” Instead of calling for Cal or Leyth, knowing they are still abed, Oberyn stands with his daughter in his arms. “Come, sweetheart.”

"Go, my love. I will look in on the others." If Antonia has gotten sick there is a chance that she will spread it to the others or even their nurse. If you are going to have four sick children, you would rather know sooner than later. You wrap yourself in a thin robe and pick up a single candle to walk with, moving swiftly down the hall toward the nursery.

He doesn’t hesitate. Striding naked through the halls of the Water Gardens since the family had moved there after the death of his brother, Doran. Once he gets out of the family wing, he starts to bellow for the maester to get his ass out of the bed and ready his tonics and cures.

Maester Strode is a relatively young man with a jolly disposition and warm countenance, but when he hears the prince shouting he leaps from his bed and lights the nearest lamp. "What is wrong, your Grace?" He asks, appearing at the end of the hallway with the light held high.

“The Princess is feverish and she is complaining about her side hurting.” Oberyn is grateful for the younger maester, eager to learn and he had taken well to the atmosphere of Dorne.

"Bring her inside at once." Strode knows that the Prince and Princess take the welfare of their children very seriously and moves to follow Prince Oberyn as he carries his heir through to the main room of his chamber. There is an examination table there, for the sick, and he lays Princess Antonia on it with a pillow for her head. "Does anything hurt other than your side, princess?" He asks, moving to a stand against the wall where he can wash off his hands before examining the child.

“No.” She sobs out, a pitiful sound. “It just really hurts.” She’s not sure what she’s done to cause this pain but she never wants to feel it again. Squirming slightly as she lays on the cool table with her little chin trembling.

“Alright, princess…” The Maester soothes, drying his hands before he returns to her side. “Your Grace, if you would hold the light over her?” He motions for Oberyn to stay close during the examination. “Do you feel sick, princess? Warm? Or dizzy, perhaps?”

“I’m cold.” She pouts, even though she is covered in sweat. “And my head feels yucky. Like I drank too much of Papa’s wine again.”

Bracing himself so he does not frown and upset the little girl, the Maester nods and holds up his hand. “May I touch your side, princess? So I can feel where exactly you are hurting?” There are any number of things that could cause these symptoms in the child, but if the pain is specific - if it is one precise thing that he fears - then time is of the essence.

“Careful.” Oberyn warns. “She screamed when I touched her skin.” He tells the maester, his own mind racing with what kind of poison could have possibly caused this. He has kept the younger children away from the chamber where they are stored; but children, especially his, are curious.

“Of course, your Grace.” When the little girl sets her face in a fierce imitation of her father and nods, only then does Strode gently prod the lower right side of her abdomen. When she screams outright he backs away immediately and nods. “How long have you felt this pain, princess?” If the pain is moving quickly, he will have to act fast.

“Just when I woke up.” She complains. “I didn’t sneak sweets, Papa, I swear.” She promises her father. She and her siblings have been known to raid the kitchens for treats. Especially the special tarts that Salin makes.

“Sweets would not cause this.” The maester tells Oberyn with certainty. While it is good that the little girl has only felt pain for a short time, the fact that it is so intense does not bode well. “Your daughter’s side is swollen, your Grace. It is possible that she will worsen quickly.”

“What kind of poison would cause this?” Oberyn demands. “I did not see a bite wound from a viper.”

"It was no poison. She was not attacked." The younger man shakes his head solemnly as he moves to the shelf that holds his most potent remedies. The princess will need something for her pain, and then he will talk to her father. "Could you drink something, princess? If I gave you something to help soothe the pain?" He asks, already reaching for the bottles that will help her temporarily.

Oberyn watches the maester carefully, not because he does not trust the man, he has delivered the last three of your babies, but because he wants to know what he gives her. “Drink up, my little date cake.” Oberyn urges.

The princess bravely manages the small amount of liquid that the maester administers and whimpers but stops cradling her side within just a few minutes. Reassured that his theory is correct, the maester brushes Antonia's curls from her face and assures her that she will start to feel better quickly before he nods for Prince Oberyn to step aside with him. "She is ill, but I believe I can help her," Strode tells him.

"What is wrong with my daughter?" Oberyn demands, now wearing a pair of breeches that a servant had thoughtfully slipped into his hands as he had watched his daughter carefully. "What illness does she have? Will it affect the other children?" Beyond the younger three, there are also Margarey and Raeden's children to worry about. Their third child was Oberyn's for certain and it was questionable if the fourth was Raeden's or Cal's.

“No, your Grace. The others are safe.” It would be far too painful to think of all the babes he had delivered for Houses Martell and Sunstone being gravely ill, and the maester shakes that idea from his head. “There is an organ, just here, in a person’s side,” he explains quietly, trying to let the young princess rest. “As far as I have studied, maesters and doctors have never been able to divine its purpose, but it is always there. Sometimes it swells, causing great pain and other discomforts, and in the worst of these cases it sometimes bursts. When it bursts, it nearly always claims the life of the ill party.”

His heart stops the moment he hears he could lose his daughter. He's fought, he's killed, he's loved and lost, but he would not survive the loss of any of his children - let alone his precious Antonia. She might be the most like him of all of his daughters and his jaw clenches. "Is there anything to be done?" He demands. "Tell me you can save her."

"It is...not often done." Strode admits, wondering how insistent the prince would be about attempting a rarely tried treatment. "Removing the organ before it bursts will keep her safe. But a child recovering from such a wound is still in danger in other ways. She would be in bed for weeks afterward."

"Re–removing the organ." Oberyn repeats. "Cut her open? Can she live without it?"

"Yes. And yes, she can." The younger man nods. "If you wish to consult with her mother before a decision is made, I advise you to speak to your wife quickly. She is already in immense pain and the tonic that I gave her will not outlast a burst."

Oberyn nods seriously and frowns as he looks back at his daughter as her eyes slip closed now that the pain is gone. Drifting off to sleep. He doesn't want to leave her, but he doesn't want her to be in danger of this organ bursting and causing even more problems. "I will bring the Princess back for you to explain to her." He decides. "I will be back in moments."

"I will stay by her side." Strode promises, nodding as the prince hurries back out of his chambers and down the hall.

Oberyn finds you closing the door on the nursery chambers. All the other children are fast asleep and comfortable. He rushes up to you and takes your arm. "Come." He grunts, tugging you away from the door. "Strode needs to talk to you. Now."

"What is wrong?" The only thing you know is that your oldest child is in pain and your husband looks terrified, and those two facts do not combine well so you run swiftly after him.

"She is ill. There's something Strode needs to cut out of our daughter, Star." Oberyn explains as the two of you race back towards the Maester's chambers.

"Cut out?" The panic rises in your voice and you cling to his hand all the harder as terror twists in your belly.

"He can explain it better than I can." There had been a moment when he had stopped listening, he couldn't. Not when he could hear the blood rushinging in his ears and his heart was pounding in fear so loudly that he couldn't think over the sound.

The maester is standing by his examination table when the prince and princess appear in his doorway and he motions for them to be quiet when it looks as though you might explode with concern. "This way," he insists, motioning for you to join him on the other side of the room despite never taking his eyes off of the sick little girl that was brought to him. "She is sleeping, thank the gods. I do not want to disturb her while it lasts."

"Tell my wife what you told me." Oberyn demands, his eyes don't move from his daughter, foolishly afraid that she might disappear if he stopped watching her. Your breathing is shallow and rapid, both from the run and from fear. "Remember the babe," he reminds you, squeezing your hand.

Maester Strode recounts everything he had told Oberyn previously, stressing that there is danger in waiting and that if all goes well with the - admittedly unconventional - procedure, the little princess will be just fine afterward. "Have you done it before?" You ask, running one soothing hand over the side of your belly to remind yourself that panic will not help you or your unborn child, let alone Antonia.

Strode shakes his head regretfully, but puts out his hands to reassure the couple while the prince looks ready to mutiny. "I have been present for it. I assisted. So I am far better prepared than any other maester in Dorne."

"You haven't done this before!" Oberyn hisses angrily. Feeling helpless because he cannot fix this. There is nothing that he can do.

"I assisted Maester Rhodestone with a nearly identical situation while I was still at the Citadel," Strode tells you, hoping the mention of his mentor's name will help to soothe the prince. He knows that Prince Oberyn had also studied under the recently passed maester's tutelage. "He was the first to theorize that it would work, and he was correct. The little boy recovered completely with only a scar to remember the pain by."

Wiping his hand over his eyes, the prince sighs before he looks at you. “Star?” He asks softly. There’s not a choice, but he wants to be sure that you agree with the risks.

"What choice do we have?" As scared as you may be for your daughter, the path is obvious. If you do nothing, the risk is losing Antonia altogether. And that is a risk you are absolutely not willing to take.

“Leave it to the gods.” Oberyn isn’t happy with that idea at all, but that is the choice if he does not agree to this. “And I do not want to do that.”

“I will not stand by and do nothing while my baby suffers,” you insist firmly, although the idea of having to cut her open is terrifying.

“How soon can you do this?” Oberyn demands. “Will she be awake? Feel anything?”

“There is a way I can induce sleep in her. Keep her from feeling the pain outright.” Strode nods. “It will be preferable for this. So she does not move while the organ is being removed.”

“That would be preferable.” Oberyn knows that she could do a lot of damage if she was awake and moving. He’s attended enough battlefield wounds to understand that. “You will use my healing mix for her as well, yes?”

“Yes, your Grace.” The Maester can agree to that easily, considering the prince’s proclivity for herbal work rivaled his abilities with poison.

“Do we need to do anything? Fetch you anything?” Oberyn demands, striding back over to Antonia to check her forehead. “Anything you need, you will have it.” Despite his words to the maester, his eyes are fixed on his precious daughter.

“Fortunately, I have everything I need.” The younger man glances out the large windows in his chambers though, and frowns. “I will keep a watchful eye on her until sunrise. The light will be better than if I worked by candlelight.”

“We will dress and return.” If you do not wish to stay, he won’t make you, but he won’t leave his daughter’s side while she goes through such a thing.

“You go first, my love.” Looking to where Antonia is sleeping, you bite your lip and almost quake with the effort not to cry. “I would hate for her to wake in pain and one of us not be here. You go and change, and I will go when you return.”

"I will be back before you can blink." He promises, pulling you in and crushing his lips to yours in a desperate attempt to calm you both down. "Tell her Papa will be back if she wakes before I can return."

Thankfully, it is past sunrise when Antonia wakes again. The maester has had time to prepare his tonics and treatments, and you have sat up with Oberyn for a few hours discussing how to handle her healing time and how to explain to her siblings that she needs to be allowed to rest and cannot play for at least a few weeks. When her little eyes open again she winces and whimpers in pain but you are both right there beside her.

"Princess." Oberyn leans down and coos as he brushes his daughter's hair back. "I know you are still in pain but Maester Strode is going to make you sleepy and then he is going to make the pain go away." He explains gently. "Will you be brave for me? You will have to be lazy for a little while, I know how much you like snuggling with Ellaria on the chaise. And you will have a scar where your stomach hurts."

“He can make it go away?” She asks warily, as if she thought that would never happen, and yet if anyone had asked her the question she would have said that her Papa could make it better.

"Yes," He leans over and kisses her little forehead softly. "I want you to be brave, my little date cake."

“It won’t h—hurt anymore?” The question falters when she wails in pain again and tears form in her eyes immediately.

"You will be sore, Princess." The maester does not believe in concealing possibilities from those seeking treatment from him, not even the younglings. "You will be stitched up and will have to be very careful how you play. But the sharp pain you have now will be gone."

Antonia is afraid, you can tell that easily, but you stroke her forehead and offer her the most maternal smile of support you possibly can. "It will be alright, sweetheart. Maester Strode is going to help you, and we will be here the entire time."

"You promise?" She asks, her voice small and scared, reaching for and clinging to your hand as she looks between you and her father.

"I promise, darling. Papa and I are going to be right here, and afterward I will carry you back to bed myself." Pregnant or otherwise, you could be on death's door and you would still insist on being the one to carry Antonia back to her rest. "Can you be a good girl for the maester now, and let him help you?"

She nods solemnly, even as she pouts when the cup of tonic that will make her sleep is brought over. "You will need to drink this, Princess." Strode urges.

The smell makes her nose wrinkle but the pain is far worse than a little bad smell, so Antonia swallows the tonic and grimaces only slightly while still keeping your hand in her tight little grip. "I hope it works fast," she mumbles with a fierce pout.

If there is a moment of lightness, this is it. Oberyn chuckles and nods in agreement. “Us too, my sweet girl.” He pets her hair as she drinks the concoction down, making an unhappy noise when it’s done.

It takes only minutes, thankfully, and the maester is satisfied that the little princess will sleep soundly through her treatment. "I will ask you both to let me work," he insists in the most polite way possible. "It will be very distressing to watch your daughter be treated in this way, so I will ask you now to consider whether or not you can remain in the room without interfering. The more swiftly I can see to her illness, the sooner I can stitch her wound and return her to her bed to heal."

Oberyn turns to you and puts his hands on your shoulders. “Star?” He asks quietly. He knows that you are fiercely protective of your children, and he wonders if you can stay.

"I will hold my tongue, but I cannot possibly leave her." Of the two of you, you know that you are the more likely to protest. But the fact is? You promised her that you would be here and you would not break that promise for all the gold and jewels in the world.

“I understand.” Cal has slipped into the room behind Ellaria, ready and willing to take any and all news back to the others. Raeden, Leyth and Margaery are watching all the other small children and keeping them safe.

"Work swiftly and true, maester." You tell Strode, not knowing what else you can do but let the man do his job. His job of saving your child.

Oberyn pulls you away from the table as he readies his tools. “It will be well.” He murmurs against your ear, holding you close. Ellaria comes closer and she wraps her arms around you and presses against your back.

"I thought it was difficult when Lina broke her arm last year." Sniffly quietly against Oberyn's chest, your hand winds around Ellaria to hold her closer to both of you. Admittedly, you had panicked last summer when your second daughter - the first you share with Raeden - had fallen from a tree and broken her arm while playing. This somehow seems worse than that. "This is unbearable. She did nothing wrong. Nothing to cause this."

“Things happen.” Oberyn reminds you gently. He rubs your arms and pushes down his own fear. You need him to be strong for you and he can almost guarantee his oldest eight had come with Ellaria and are waiting out in the hall.

"That is not a comfort, my love." You sigh deeply, knowing that it is not his fault, and wipe tears from your eyes before they can fall and cause you to sniffle. Antonia may be asleep but the sound of her mother crying should never happen near her unless it is weeping for joy. "Thank you for coming, El."

“Where else would I be?” Your lover and Oberyn’s soulmate huffs, knowing you need everyone you can have right now. “Rae and Margaery would be here, but they are keeping the little ones from storming the castle.”

"This family is blessed to have all of you." Swallowing a deep breath before you lean in to kiss her softly, you know this morning is going to be more difficult than any of your births - or even Margaery's and hers had been far more treacherous than yours. "I think we could all take turns with Antonia as she is healing? It will help her to not be so restless if she has different faces each day."

“That is an excellent idea, my love.” Oberyn leans across you and presses his lips to hers. “Unless Lord Sunstone has pressing matters to attend to.” The clinking of tools makes him want to look over, but if he does, you will and he wants to distract you for as long as possible.

“I think not.” Ellaria shakes her head but does not let her expression grow concerned or melancholy. “They spoke of only the children last night. Not business.”

“Then I am sure that they will have no problem with the idea.” All five adults, really seven if you include Cal and Leyth, were adored by the younger children and could be seen as a beloved aunt or uncle if they were not the parents. It really was a village of children and adults in the Water Gardens these days.

“She will be fine.” Ellaria soothes, running one hand up and down your back when she feels you tighten with nerves again. “It is natural to be scared, but remember how Maester Strode helped Margaery when Martine was born. He is skilled and earned your trust well.”

“I know.” You cannot help it, though, and have to stand with your back to the table so you do not look. “This fear has nothing to do with not trusting him. It is only because she is my little girl.”

“Of course, my love.” Oberyn hums softly, his eagle eyes fixed on the maester’s movements and his body tenses the moment the sharp knife cuts into his daughter’s small body.

“Is he doing it?” When Oberyn tenses you can only guess why.

“Yes.” He squeezes you quickly, making sure that each one of the moves the maester makes is not one that hurts his baby. At the thought of that, his hand slides down to your stomach. “Don’t fret too much, you will make yourself sick.”

“I am honestly surprised not to have been overtaken by it already,” you admit with a sigh. “Perhaps this babe is finally going to be calm, if only for her mother’s sake.”

Oberyn snorts, about to make a joke but he bites his lip on it. “Let us hope.” Ellaria strokes your back and sighs. “The girls are outside. They wanted to be here.”

“All of them?” The only surprising thing is that you are surprised by it, and it actually brings the nearest thing to a smile to your lips that you can manage. “Eight older sisters and they do nothing but dote on the little ones. They’re such sweet girls.”

“They would do anything for them.” She is proud of them, all wanting to come and wait. Understanding the risky procedure might not have a happy outcome and believing guarding the maester’s door might keep Antonia safe.

“I’m grateful for them.” You tense when Oberyn’s breath hitches slightly, and swallow down the fear that will surely lead to tears if you allow it to surface. “And for you, El.”

“My love, there is nowhere else I would rather be.” Ellaria leans in and kisses your shoulder and hugs your back.

The process takes more than an hour. And though the Maester is quick, quiet, and sure of himself, you do nothing but quake with fear the entire time. It is only when he is inspecting her stitches in the bright morning light that you feel like you can finally breathe again.

“It is done.” The Maester sighs, straightening up and moving to clean his hands again. The procedure had been a success and he is relieved that it had gone so smoothly.

“And our daughter?” She is still sleeping, lying on that table, but she is breathing and she is not quite so pale anymore.

“She will be perfectly fine.” He tells you with confidence. “She should wake up soon and she will be sore, but she will make a full recovery, your highness.”

"Can we move her before that?" You ask immediately, stepping quickly up to the side of the table and wincing at the sight of cleaned blood around her stitched wound. Your poor darling... "Let her wake up in her own bed, I mean?"

“It might make her feel better.” Strode nods. “Although I have a feeling that she might wish to be close to her parents for the next day, and have you close to her. So I would put her in your bed, your highness.”

"Just so." With Oberyn's help, you keep Antonia steady in your arms as you pick up her little body and look to the maester with deep gratitude. "I will forever be in your debt for keeping her safe, Strode," you declare quietly, almost as if being too loud might wake your oldest child. "If Maester Rhodestone were with us, I know that he would be proud to see you carry on his work."

“It is my pleasure that I can continue his work.” Strode reaches for Ellaria and presses a bottle into her hand. “Just a drop into some juice will keep her comfortable while she recovers.”

"Just one." Ellaria acknowledges, understanding that with medicine as with poisons - dosing is everything.

Maester Strode nods and quickly moves to the table to start cleaning up from the surgery and to examine the organ he has removed from the princess. Much could be learned by studying it.

******

The maester was correct that Antonia's recovery would take some time. It is entire weeks in bed with the tonic for pain deposited in her juice, until she is strong enough to be sitting up and playing cards or other games with her siblings. In the next few weeks Antonia spends a few hours at a time at the Water Gardens with all of her sisters and her few brothers. But the thing that truly delights every single one of you once you see that she is healing well? Antonia will soon have her very first scar. And that is a very exciting thing to happen when the adults all around you have found their soulmates - and then earned more on top of the first.

“Your father and stepmother are here, Star.” Oberyn tells you as he walks out into the gardens with the couple trailing behind him. Your father had decided when he had been reunited with Marlee, finding her alive and well, that he did not wish to spend another minute apart from her. Taking her and her children back to the Vale so he could relinquish his titles to your eldest brother and let your brothers meet the soulmate that should have been their mother. Surprisingly? They had quickly accepted the kind hearted Dornish woman and her children as part of the family. Even accepting that their father wished to return to Dorne to live out his days. Leaving the cold of the Vale behind as well as the painful memories of time lost.

There is little to no formality within your family despite the high titles, and you pop up from dangling your bare feet in the water to give your parents tight hugs. Your father’s hair is completely white now, and the cane he walks with is not just for show, but he has been more lively in the almost ten years since reuniting with his soulmate than ever before. “I am so very glad to see you both,” you hum. The sentiment is true no matter how often you see them.

"Princess." Despite the fact that you have asked Marlee to just call you by your name for years, she cannot help but use your title. Her arms still open to embrace you warmly. "We wanted to come see the grandchildren and to check on you." She is not a grandmother by blood to the children, but it does not matter and she dotes on each one of the children and spoils them as if they were her own.

“We are always happy to see you.” Your children have known no other grandmother and for that you are immensely grateful. They adore their Uncle Salin as well, who keeps them well supplied with sweets and stories of the world outside of Dorne.

“We thought that perhaps we could care for the children tonight.” Marlee explains. “To give the five of you a break?”

“That is so very kind of you.” It has been obvious, in the years since your father has remarried, that he had lost his spirit and his happiness to your mother’s cruelty. Now that he is reunited with his soulmate and living his life on his own terms, a happier man does not exist. “We could all have our midday meal together before we slip away? I know the little ones will be so glad to see you that they will not even notice we have gone.”

“We would be delighted.” Your father answers with a smile. “I can share the raven I received from your brothers.”

“I am not sure if that is exciting or ominous,” you tease with a grin. Your brothers have been thriving in the Vale, grown men living their lives happily with their wives and children all growing into bright young people with their futures sprawled out in front of them. “Oh my dears!” You call out, turning back to where the kids are splashing in the water and Antonia is playing dominoes with Raeden to keep her from getting too rambunctious. “Look who will be spending the afternoon with us!”

“Nonnie! Poppie!” Antonia screeches, her face lighting up and the other children, including Margaery and Raeden’s, all start screeching the nicknames that the eldest had bestowed on their grandparents. Margaery stands from where she was wading with her smallest toddler and waves happily. Delighted to see the parents she had adopted as her own since her father had never spoken to her again before his death when King’s Landing had been burned by the Targaryen queen.

“How is my little warrior feeling today?” He might not be walking as fast as he once did, but your father is still just as determined as ever to have his grandchildren in his life. He bends down now with great care, not wanting little Antonia to over extend herself. “I hear you are healing better than the Maester predicted.”

“I am almost ready to play like normal.” She had been patient with your caution, but she was eager to run and play with her siblings, even picking up the toy spear her Papa had given her to practice with. “I have missed you and nonnie.” She hugs his neck tight and kisses his leathery cheek with a loud smack.

“We have missed you too, little one.” He smiles so dotingly and bops the tip of her nose playfully with one finger. “That is why we are going to spend all day and night with you and your siblings. Because we have been away far too long.” In truth, they have only been traveling a little while, but Marlee’s younger daughter had just given birth and they wished to meet the new babe.

“That is the best gift ever!” She cries out happily and grins. While the servants will still be there, all the children adore time spent with their grandparents. Their soulmate story was a favorite bedtime story as well.

“Come, little one.” He puts out both his hands to her to help her stand. “Let us wash, and we will see what your Uncle Salin has made for lunch, hm?”

“He will have made tarts.” Antonia declares with a grin. “He’s made them every day along with the date cakes Mama loves.”

“Tarts, you say?” That is his favorite, of course, but he wonders if you have a specific craving this time, with his next grandchild already squirming and kicking in your belly. “Well, we know why there must be date cakes, don’t we?” He asks her, taking her hand so they can walk together while the other young children scramble out of the water and into the palace for their lunch.

“Mama’s going to have another baby.” She tells you happily. “They have been talking about celebrating because Aunt Margarey is having a baby too.”

“We always enjoy having a few pregnancies at once,” you agree, taking Antonia’s basket from her so she can walk with her grandfather — her flower crown weaving has come along beautifully during her recovery. “Do you know why else we want to celebrate, sweetheart?”

“Because you and Papa have been married for a long time? Your– your ani– ani–birthday?” Antonia asks, frowning slightly because she knows that’s not the word she wants to use.

“Anniversary.” Her substitution works very well, though, and you grin. “Not quite yet, pumpkin. It’s for you! Because you have been such a brave girl and so patient while you’re healing, we’re going to celebrate you getting your very first scar.”

Her eyes widen once you say that out loud. “A scar?” She asks quietly. “Like– like a soulmate one?” She knows that soulmates are special and you and papa are extra special. “Do you think we know mine? Or will I be like Aunt Margaery?”

“We don’t know yet, sweetheart.” Aunt Margaery, though she never gained another set of marks over her life, has been immensely happy in her romantic life. “We might know yours already, or we might wait many years before we meet them. Both are perfectly okay.”

“Okay.” It’s something fun but it’s not overly concerning to her right now. “I’m hungry.”

That draws an amused chuckle from both you and your father. Truthfully? It is probably good that your nine year old is not too excited about growing up. Let her be a child for as long as she is willing.

“Do soulmate scars hurt?” She asks after a few moments, biting her lip and frowning slightly. If she’s got to have a soulmate, she doesn't want to cause them any pain.

"Only for a moment, precious." Her concern is commendable, and a point of pride as you and Oberyn have always tried to teach your children empathy. "You had pain for weeks to earn it, but they will only have pain for just a moment. And after that, they will know that you are out there somewhere."

“Okay, good.” The pout clears up and she smiles happily. “I don’t want to cause them pain for too long.” She tells you. “Papa said you always weep when he gets scratches.”

"That is because I worry too much." You tell her, giving your father the stink eye when he chuckles in agreement. "I don't like it when Papa gets hurt, just like you don't want your soulmate to hurt, either. But there's no need to cry. I just worry."

“It’s okay Mama. Papa is the strongest, fiercest man alive.” She boasts, with the sense of confidence of a child that worships her father can have.

"Yes he is, sweetheart. He defeated an entire Mountain while you were still in my belly." Brushing some curls from her eyes, the smile on your face bolsters into something equally proud. "But just because someone can withstand hurt, does not mean they should have to."

“I know.” She rolls her eyes. “It’s just good that he can because I always want Papa here.” She tells you quietly. “He’s the best papa in the world. He even promised me a dragon.” Her eyes widen happily. “That’s better than a pony.”

“Oh he did, did he?” Though you all but roll your eyes, it does make you smile. Oberyn’s devotion to children is complete and no one could ever doubt that. “That does sound like the best papa in the world.”

“He is.” She insists happily. “He told me that first I have to make sure that I can keep the little lizard he let me keep alive. Because he says dragons are like giant lizards.”

"That is what they say." Never having seen one, you cannot say for sure, but if there is anyone whose readings you would trust it is Oberyn. As the group of you walk into the dining room at the Water Gardens, you are met with a whole group of other people waiting. A group which includes Raeden and Margarey who are beaming with excitement as they stand on either side of their oldest son by the windows. The young boy is only a few months younger than Antonia and looks every inch his father's son, but with his mother's quick wit and sense of humor. "Oh, dear," you hum in amusement, seeing the way Margaery looks as if she is about to burst at the seams. "What have you been up to, my dear? You like the cat that got the cream."

“It is– we have news.” Margaery nearly vibrates with happiness. The life she has had here, the life so willingly shared with the most surprisingly wonderful people, is one that she never could have imagined so many years ago. Despite the fact that she does not share marks with her husband, she does share love with Lord Sunstone. Love that is equally shared with you and Ellaria and Oberyn. The outlandish and improper request she had made so long ago had been her salvation and she is forever grateful for it. Which is why she now hopes this news will be celebrated with the people she loves most. “Bryer has gained a mark!” She cries out happily.

The room seems to freeze, all occupants at once have their eyes on either Bryer Sunstone or Antonia Martell — and all of these eyes are wide. Your hand grabs Oberyn's arm tightly beside you on instinct and you almost choke in surprise as you stare down at your little girl and then immediately force your eyes up to the little boy she has been steadfast friends with for her entire life. "Is– Margaery, is it–" The words will not even come, but many tears do instead. "Is it a funny shape?" Antonia bursts out with an entirely different question, obviously not having made the instant connection that every adult in the room already has. "Where is it, Bry? Can you show me? I bet it's more fun than mine."

“Nia.” Bryer huffs and rushes towards his best friend and now his soulmate. He had seen her mark when she was wearing stitches and knew what it looked like. It was good he’s always felt really good around the older girl, like she was the best part of a tart. He bites his lip and lifts his shirt to show the matching mark on his skin to hers. “It’s your scar.”

The sound of her mother's broken sob of joy seems to go right over Antonia's head at the moment as she stares at her best friend's stomach and her already wide eyes grow three sizes as her mind races to understand what has happened. One of her fingers comes out to poke the mark as though it were made by coal and she could smudge it, but no. No. It is there as deeply and truly as her own, and she lets out an equally overwhelmed squeak before finding Bryer's eyes. "So...we're...soulmates?" She breathes out, clearly astonished by the very idea.

“I–I think so.” He’s always felt so close to the Princess. But he shrugs. “Unless– unless you don’t want to be.” He offers, knowing that sometimes people aren’t soulmates and love each other. His parents are like that. So why couldn’t people be soulmates and not love each other?

“I don’t think we get to pick.” Antonia reminds him, but within seconds the little girl is smiling broadly. “But…” Mischievous by nature, Antonia Martell has always been the most like her father of any of his children and delights in making adventures out of everyday life. “But that means we can be best friends for everything, Bry!”

The breath Bryer had been holding whooshes out of his chest and his own grin lights up his face. “I know!” He drops his shirt and grabs her hand. “Let’s go pick out what we are going to do first!”

“Nuh-uh, you two. Not quite yet.” You barely manage to stop them as they try to bolt past you, and you shake your head the way only a mother can. “Best friends still need to eat lunch, and Nia still shouldn’t be running.”

“Maaammmmmaaaaaaaaaaa.” Antonia whines, pouting fiercely. “I’m not hungry.” She complains, even though she had just been say she was hungry. “I want to figure out what to do with my soulmate.”

“And you can.” Oberyn interjects, reaching out and taking his daughter’s should to turn her slightly. “You have the rest of your lives to plan, but now…” he tell her. “I want you to plan to eat lunch with your family and your soulmate.”

******

“Nia?” Still half asleep, Bryer stretches in bed and frowns to not find his soulmate beside him. After arriving at the Water Gardens late last night he had slipped into her chamber and curled around her for his first good night’s sleep in a month — four weeks at his father’s side traveling their lands and tending to their people was important but he had missed Antonia desperately.

Antonia groans, wiping her mouth and grimacing as she looks down into the chamber pot. “I’m here.” She tells him, standing back and reaching for a cup of water. Wine has been turning her stomach lately.

“Are you alright, love?” In the ten years since discovering they were soulmates, Bryer and Antonia have become bonded entirely. They are each other’s constant companion even more than when they were children and the occasional joke about their inevitable marriage had started well before that was even a possibility.

The fact that her father was the first to recognize the symptoms will forever be a source of embarrassment to Antonia. Not because she is ashamed of sex, she never would be because of the relationship her parents share with Ellaria and Bryer’s parents. She was embarrassed because she should have figured it out herself. “I have a confession.” She admits, shamelessly moving towards him as naked as the day she had been brought into this world.

“That sounds terribly ominous,” Bryer teases, trying to lighten the mood from the serious look on his beloved’s face. “Lover, you know you can tell me anything.”

“I know.” Setting the cup down, she sits on the edge of the bed as her soulmate and lover moves closer to her. His hand automatically reaching for hers. “I didn’t want to send a raven, I wanted to tell you in person.” She bites her lip as she looks down at their joined hands. She knows Bryer loves her, but she’s unsure of how he will feel about her announcement. “I am expecting your first child.” She tells him, looking up to stare into his eyes.

The way the air gets sucked out of the room for a moment should have had both of their heads spinning, but when Bryer’s mouth finally catches up with his mind he nearly loses his jaw to the ground. “You—we—a child?” He gasps, looking down at her belly as though a bump has formed there instantly.

She nods, hoping the shock is just that and not disappointment. “Papa recognized the symptoms and asked mama to take me to Maester Strode. He confirmed it. I am two months gone with your child.”

When he can find it in himself to move again, Bryer lunges forward and kisses Antonia with the most earnest, heartfelt honesty that he can muster. “Marry me.” He breathes out, practically laughing with how light he feels. “They cannot possibly tell us we are still too young if we will soon be parents.”

The girl deflates in relief and nearly barks out a laugh as she throws her arms around her lover’s neck. “Papa is already plotting it.” She promises. “He knows you must secure your heir properly. And he knows how much you love me.” In reality, you had no issue with them marrying young, Oberyn had just wanted to give the boy an opportunity to sow wild oats before marrying, if needed.

“I do love you,” he insists, cradling her in his arms and tugging her impossibly closer. “I always have. Since the moment I knew what love was.”

“I love you.” She promises, pressing her lips to his softly and smiling. “We have always been meant to share this life.”

“What do you think of trying some breakfast?” He asks, pressing kissing along her neck and shoulder and holding her as close as can be in his arms. “Or do you feel too sick for it?” He knows that he has heard his own mother, and hers, and Ellaria bemoan the way an uneasy stomach gets in the way of being hungry, and he wants to do everything he can to take care of her.

Humming softly, she leans into his embrace. “I think that I can stomach some date cakes.” She admits with a small giggle, reminded of her own mother’s eating habits while you were carrying her siblings. “And some of the fruit that your mother loves.”

“Whatever you want, my love. Anything.” Resisting the urge to tease, Bryer nuzzles against her again and kissing her shoulder. “Should we go down to breakfast and let our parents know that you have told me?”

“Mama and Papa already know.” She reminds him. “There’s a good chance they have told your parents. Papa had said that they were all going to be together, since they had all been missing your father in the big bed.”

“Well…” Bryer laughs softly. “The least they can do then is tell us what they have planned for our wedding.”

“Of course.” She rolls her eyes but she knows that her parents and his would want them both to have everything they ever wanted. “Let me dress.”

“If you must,” he pouts, always preferring her bare when he can get it. Even more so now that something primal and territorial is creeping into his mind with a baby in her womb.

“While our parents might parade around the Gardens nude when they think we are asleep, I don’t know if I could.” She teases. Many nights when Bryer had come to her chambers, they had heard their parents frolicking in the waters well after dark.

Nodding, Bryer climbs from the bed and begins to dress himself in turn. “I know that they have found their happiness in the freedom to share love with so many, but…I want only you,” he admits with burning cheeks. “You are all I want and all I need, Nia.”

“Bry–” She shakes her head. “I have only been with you and that’s perfectly fine with me.” She rolls her eyes and walks over to throw herself in his arms. “Mama says that if we choose many or just each other, all that matters is that we are happy.”

“Your mama is a very wise woman.” He murmurs, pressing a kiss to her hair.

“Yes she is.” That point, Antonia would never argue. “Let’s go tell your parents they are going to be grandparents.”

“My mother is going to cry,” he predicts with a grin before scooping Antonia against his side and heading off with her down the hall.

Of that, she has no doubt. Lady Sunstone, or her Aunt Margaery, had developed a habit of crying when she was happy. She explained it one day, telling Antonia that when she was younger, she could never show her true feelings so they just kind of bubbled up as tears now.

“I half suspected the two of you might sleep through breakfast,” you tease when your oldest child appears in the doorway of the dining room with her soulmate wrapped around her as young people in love so often do. “Or even have trays brought to you in bed. Welcome home, Bryer. You were dearly missed.”

“Thank you, your highness.” Despite being his soulmate’s mother, Bryer still uses your title despite you telling him not too many times. His father, your soulmate, still called you princess and he was his father’s son. “It is very good to be home.”

“Very good indeed.” You agree, trying very hard not to smirk in your daughter’s direction. “Come. Join us. We were all catching up on the news.”

The news. Antonia eyeballs her mother and wonders if she had told everyone. “Apologies. It has been a slow morning for me.”

“Of course, sweetheart. Do not worry about that.” The table is full this morning — with more than a dozen children and five adults seated around it — and you all take from plates piled high with fruits, cakes, cheeses, and last night’s leftovers from the banquet. Salin had outdone himself with two whole roast boar and pot upon pot of spicy stewed lamb along with all the other elegant dishes he had provided. It was sure to be just as delicious this morning. “Lord Sunstone was bringing us up to speed on the prosperity of the farms in his region, and how well Bryer’s second tour with his people went.”

“Oh?” Antonia beams proudly at Bryer. “I know he will be a very good lord when the time comes, just like his father.” She has the utmost respect for Lord Raeden, and thinks of him as a second father.

"He has compassion and intelligence." Raeden commends his son from across the table, even with his youngest child sitting in his lap. "Two things which will be necessary for him to harness when things are bad or good with our people."

“The Sunstones are an asset to Dorne.” Oberyn agrees. “Every one of them.”

"And the next generation will be, too." Bryer declares, chest puffed and drink held aloft, proud to be a part of this conversation but also to usher in the next as he beams at Antonia beside him.

“To the next generations.” Margaery agrees, beaming at her eldest son and her husband’s heir. Proud of the son she had birthed and raised here in Dorne. “We have created enough of them.” She jokes.

"It is high time our children took over, I could not agree more," you hold up your own glass, but push a glass of juice toward your daughter. "I could not take wine when I was pregnant with any of you, pumpkin. It only makes sense that you cannot, either."

It is fitting that her mother be the one to announce it and Antonia’s eyes dart towards Bryer parents. No shock on their faces, only excitement and pride. “Mama!” She cries, pouting at you. “You told them!” She’s not angry, but she is going to see how sheepish you are over it.

"I could not resist," you admit, laughing and covering your face for just a moment to show embarrassment even though you barely feel absolutely any. Being excited for your first grandchild is your motherly right. "Forgive me, sweetheart? It is such good news to be shared."

“She could not keep it in, and I am so happy she could not.” Her future mother by marriage leaps up and rushes around to hug Antonia. “I could weep last night so you do not think I am anything but thrilled.”

"It brings our families as close together as they could possibly be." You are on your feet as well, hugging Bryer while Margaery squeezes Antonia to pieces. "And we are so very excited for both of you."

“Bryer is excited.” Antonia announces, looking over at her father. “Shocked. I thought he was going to choke on his own tongue.”

"That is about how I reacted when I found out that his mother was expecting him," Raeden chuckles. He, too, has joined the press of parents embracing their children and he hugs Antonia tightly. "His mother could have knocked me over with a feather. He is more like me than even he knows, sometimes."

“Thank you.” She whispers to him. “For making him a man I am proud to love.” She smiles up at the older version of him. While there are glimpses of his mother in him, he is far closer to his father in resemblance.

"Loving you has made him a good man." Raeden promises her. Just as love had made him a good man so many years ago - in so many different ways.

Leaning in, she kisses his cheek and then hugs her papa after he embraces Bryer. “I can’t believe it papa.” She tells him. “I’m going to have a baby.�� Oberyn chuckles, folding his daughter into his arms and kisses her hair. “I believe it. Boy was sneaking into your bed every night.” He tells her. “Now he can just go through the door, rather than climbing through the window.”

Antonia puts on a performatively guilty face, but does not feel bad about it for a moment. "Do you not always say that love should be celebrated, Papa? We are only following your principles."

“I do say that. And I’m proud that you have found your love, my little date cake.” He kisses her cheek. “I love you Princess, all I want is for you to be happy and healthy.”

"I am happy, Papa." Antonia promises him, tears welling behind her eyes. "So incredibly happy."

“That’s all that matters, my love.” He promises her. “You were created in love, raised in it and you will carry that love to your own children and the people under your Lord husband’s protection.” Oberyn predicts. “Dorne is strong and you are a Martell.” He caresses her cheek. “You have lived up to our motto and I am so proud. Unbowed, Unbent,” he winks at the daughter conceived in King’s Landing so many years ago. “Unbroken.”

______

Master Tags: @pixiedurango @chattychell @winter-fox-queen @lady-himbo @artsymaddie @princess76179 @paintballkid711 @missminkylove @pedrosbrat @ew-erin @sarahjkl82-blog @sharkbait77 @justanotherblonde23 @lv7867 @recklesswit @mylittlesenaar @f0rever15elf @gallowsjoker @steeevienicks @athalien @sherala007 @skvatnavle @thatpinkshirt @jaime1110 @girlimjusttryingtoreadfanfics @goodgriefitsawildworld @greeneyedblondie44 @katheriner1999 @littlemousedroid @harriedandharassed @churchill356 @ajathegreats-blog @haylzcyon   @beardsanddetectives @kirsteng42 @ladykatakuri @adancedivasmom @madiebear @tanzthompson @emilianamason @bigsdinger @xocalliexo @pedr0swh0r3 @avaleineandafryingpan @charlyrmv @avidreader73 @iceclaw101 @loveslide @elegantduckturtle @becsworld @julesonrecord @its-nebuleuse @itsrubberbisquit @mikeyswifie

My Masterlist!

[fangirlingfromdownunder]

A Sweet Mishap - Chapter 26

Pairing - Jensen Ackles x Reader 

A/N: I just want to start by thanking everyone for all the love on this story so far. Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list. I'm so sorry for being MIA - been a bit held up on the writing (so I may drop back to one chapter a week for a little while), but hopefully, I can get ahead again quickly and return to normal soon. But this is a longer one so I hope that makes up for it. Anyways, please heed the TW below and only read if you feel comfortable - otherwise I hope you enjoy!

Potential Trigger Warnings: mentions of violence, rape,

A Sweet Mishap Masterlist | Main Masterlist

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

It’s just past two in the morning when I wake up drenched in sweat with my heart racing. I feel a hand on my arm and I instantly recoil into the pillows as close to the headboard as I can get. As my eyes slowly adjust to the sudden brightness of the room I see Jensen kneeling in front of me in a plain black henley and sweatpants with his hands up in surrender.

“It was just a nightmare. It’s to be expected. You’re safe.”

I wipe at my wet cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay. I would’ve been surprised if you weren’t having nightmares. I expected this, that’s why I wanted you to be here. So, at least you wouldn’t wake up alone.”

He reaches over to the far bedside table and grabs a water bottle. He breaks the seal and holds it out to me. I take it and a take a few small sips. He watches me intently to make sure I’m okay. I slowly relax, put the water bottle to the side and lay back down on my side. He moves to climb off the bed. “C-Can you stay? I-I don’t want to b-be alone.”

“Of course.” He crawls up to the top of the bed and sits beside me. His arms crossed over his chest as he leans against the headboard. I try to close my eyes but I instantly flash back to being crushed into my couch. He senses me jump and places one hand on my shoulder. “Tell me about your time in Texas. That white horse.”

I look up at him and his eyes are closed. The guilt at keeping him up comes rushing back. He continues, “Snowball, right? Did you rear her from a foal?”

I nod. “I-I wanted a pony, but my dad said no. We, uh, we always had horses but they were all so big and I was scared of them. So I begged him to get me a pony. But then one of our mares got pregnant. Starla. She was a beautiful horse, black with white speckles. I loved her too. Generally, my dad would sell the foals to keep numbers down but my birthday was coming up around the time she was due and she actually did end up giving birth on my birthday. So, my dad let me name her and said she was mine. Of course, I had just turned 10 so my dad did most of the work, but I did come down and check on her daily and brushed her. And as she got bigger and older I learned to ride on her. She was such a well mannered horse, thanks to my dad. Once I got confident, I used to ride her all the time. Whenever I was mad at my parents or friends, or stressed about finals, I’d just get on and ride her into the hills. I miss it.”

As I tell him, I picture myself on her back amongst the trees in a forestry behind my childhood home. The wind in my hair, the warm sunlight on my skin. I start to relax. 

The bed is empty when I wake up. I stretch, feeling slightly better. On the end of the bed is a pair of thick blue jeans, and a black long sleeved shirt and socks that I don’t recognise. I get out of bed and slip into the ensuite to shower and then change into the outfit. That’s when I spot a pair of black riding boots. My jaw drops. I rush out to the living room in search of Jensen, still with my hairbrush in hand. “Jensen, what is all this?”

He runs his eyes over my body as he saunters over to me. “Good mornin’ beautiful. It’s the break you need.”

“But…Work and my classes and broadway.”

“It’ll just be a couple of hours. We’ll be back in time for you to go to your afternoon class and for tonight’s show. And you’ve got the day off.”

“But my rent and bills and…”

He places his hand on my cheek softly to make me look up at him. “You have a doctor’s certificate, it’s all paid. It’s all handled. Just let me look after you. I leave tomorrow, it’s all I could get, so just let me have today.”

I take a step back. “Wait…How’d you know I have class this afternoon?”

“I asked Stella for your schedule. Sorry, I should’ve asked you, but I just…I’m sorry if I overstepped.”

“No, it’s okay. It just-”

“I understand. I just wanted to know so I could make plans before you woke up. Plans that can be cancelled if you really don’t want to, but I think you’ll enjoy it and that you need it.”

I nod and finish brushing my hair before securing it back in a low braid, slipping on the boots and then following Jensen downstairs to the car.

Less than an hour later we’re walking hand-in-hand into a large stable. A wave of nostalgia hits me as I breathe in the smells – they’re not exactly pleasant but to me it’s home. None of the horses are white like my beautiful mare, but they’re all beautiful in their own way. As we’re taking it all in, a lady with short brown hair, blue eyes and dressed similar to myself just with a little extra dirt approaches us. 

“Welcome to our stables! You must be Jensen and Y/N. My name is Mia and I’ll be your guide today. Let’s go meet the horses and get them all saddled up.”

She leads us over to the stables one by one introducing us to each horse and letting us pet them. She pairs me up with a sweet and gentle, tan and white patched mare and helps me saddle her up while Jensen gets a larger black stallion. Once our horses are saddled and we clip on our helmets we climb onto our horses backs and trot out of the stable side-by side with Mia out slightly infront on a slightly younger and more unruly brown stallion. As I look over at Jensen the sight of him on horseback makes my breath catch. He winks at me and I blush as I turn to look ahead at Mia. 

She leads us through a winding trail through the trees to an open field where she lets us have a little more free reign once establishing that we’re both seasoned riders. He speeds out in front and I chase him. My horse handles well and the longer I’m on her back the more at ease and at home I feel. That’s when I realize why I feel so at ease with Jensen. Unlike Travis and Tyler who took me away from my home, Jensen keeps bringing home to me. As I slow to a trot, he turns his horse to come back over to me with a smile.

“You okay?” he asks once he gets close.

I nod. “Better than. Thank you for continually making me feel at home.”

“Anytime. I know what it’s like to miss home. I spend more time in my trailer in Vancouver or on a plane or in foreign hotel rooms than I do in my house in Austin or with my parents in Dallas. Home is where your heart is. Once you realise that, anywhere is home. It’s just about finding those experiences.”

He rides his horse up so he’s next to me before leaning over and kissing my cheek. He’s gone before I can react or protest. He rides off, leaving me to chase after him again. As the sun beats down on us, we finally get the first taste of spring. Everything else falls away and it’s just the two of us riding together and I can’t help but imagine a future like this, with him. No insecurities, no fear, no traumatic past, just me and him finding home together in different cities.

We make it back just in time for my classes, but I can’t seem to focus on any of my notes. My head is still in that field on that horse with Jensen. I’m honestly just going through the motions as I copy down the notes from the board and even during the show. I only finally come back to reality when I get in the car with Jensen at the end of the night. He wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me to his chest as we ride in comfortable silence back to the hotel. 

On his couch he reminds me of the early morning with him flying out. That’s when my mom texts me, reminding me that they’re also arriving bright and early tomorrow. It’s perfect timing really because now I can see him off before going back to my apartment with my parents and I won’t have to be alone. As it gets late we both take turns to shower and then lay down in the large king-size bed together. He initially leaves space between us, but I snuggle close in search of comfort. In the back of my mind, I know I’m falling fast and hard again, but I can’t make myself stop. I’m too far gone. As I rest my head on his chest, he places his hand on my arm. 

Eventually I cut through the darkness, “When do you finish filming?”

“The end of March. What about broadway?”

“Same. How d’you feel about Summer in Texas?”

“I can’t think of anything better. Do I get to see you in that dress?”

“Maybe…”

“Let’s work towards that then. But for now, get some sleep, beautiful. And if you have any nightmares I’ll be right here.”

“Good night, Jensen.” I snuggle into his embrace and let my eyes fall closed as I relive the morning until I drift off.

I get through the night without any nightmares, but I’m not convinced that’s the last of the other night’s ordeal. I still have to tell Anna afterall and when that happens I know they’ll return. I quickly pack my few things back into the bag that Stella brought over for me while Jensen shoves everything into his backpack. Despite being the first time we’ve ever done this, it feels like a well-oiled machine. I smile over at him as we each zip up our bags. Within seconds his hands are around my waist. I let myself get swept up in the passion, feeling safe and at home in his hold.

“I’m gonna miss you,” he says.

“Me too. Thank you.”

“Anytime, Darlin’. Come on, Clif’s waiting. I’m gonna be in so much trouble if I miss this flight.” He throws his bag over his shoulder and takes my hand. The ride to the airport is tense. Neither of us are ready to say goodbye. I can tell he’s still worried about me, while I’m worried about being without him and what it means to be with him. With his sweet talking, he gets me into the VIP lounge to wait with him until either his flight leaves or my parents��� arrives. We both have a coffee and some light pastries while we wait. I’m convinced that despite the early morning there’ll be photos to contend with later, but with Jensen in this with me, I let the anxiety wait.

When they call for boarding he pulls me in for a quick hug before standing up and making his way towards the boarding gate.

As he hands over his ticket I call out, “Call me when you get there!”

He turns and nods briefly before boarding. I wave until I can’t see him anymore. I wipe away a stray tear as I make my way to the gate where my parents’ will be collecting their bags once they land. I distract myself by going over some of the readings on my phone for the classes that I’ve been neglecting. 

Once they finally arrive and collect their bags, we hail a cab back to my apartment and my dad pays the driver.

I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing. Groggily, I reach over and answer it, my heart skipping a beat when I hear Jensen's voice on the other end.

“Good afternoon,” he says softly. “I just landed. I wanted to let you know I made it back safe and sound.”

A smile tugs at my lips as I sit up, suddenly wide awake. “Hey, Thanks.”

“Shouldn’t you be with your parents or getting ready for work?”

“Yeah, good timing. They’re out being tourists, but yeah, I gotta work soon. How was the flight?”

“Uneventful,” he chuckles. “But now that I'm back, I wish I could teleport back to you. I already miss you.”

I can't help but blush at his words, feeling a warmth spreading through my chest. “I miss you too,” I admit shyly. There's a brief pause on the line before I speak again, “I should let you go. I have to go to work anyways. Thanks for the wake up call and for letting me know you got back safe.”

“Have a good day. Don’t over work yourself.”

I smile as I hang up and jump off the couch where I fell asleep to rush around to get ready for work. 

After my shift, I spend the little time I have between that and the show to I move out of my room to let them have the queen-sized bed while I take the couch. Despite the bad memories, it’s the best option. I just hope that with them around I’ll feel better.

One of the first things my mom notices is the now-wilted roses sticking out of the top of the bin. “Did Stella and Nick get you those for your debut? I know roses are the done thing. We wanted to send you something but we thought we would come here instead. I’m sorry we couldn’t make last weekend.”

I try to avoid the question, “You’re here now. That’s what matters.”

As she takes a seat at the bench she sees the card and being the curious and border-line nosy mother that she is, opens it. “J? That one of your co-stars?”

“Uh…No. He’s the guy a told you about…from Texas.”

“The movie star? This mean you’re putting yourself out there again?”

“I guess…Maybe…” I look at the roses and blush. “He’s great guy, but it’s a complicated situation. He works in Canada and I’m just getting my shot on broadway.”

“He works in Canada and flew back here for the show?”

“Yeah…It was a surprise.”

“Sounds like you might finally have a winner on your hands. Someone who’s willing to fly to you rather than making you move for them. Eventhough I know New York is where you want to be now…The move was never really your choice, was it?”

“Yeah. I hope so…We haven’t known each other long, but I think I like him, Mom.”

She rounds the island to pull me in for a hug. “I’m glad to finally see you happy, especially after that call about wanting to throw it all in and come home. You’re so strong and it’s finally your time to shine. Of course I wish you never went through such dark times but it’s all so far in the past now. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks, Mom.” My dad then comes and joins, wrapping his arms around both of us. He missed the whole conversation since he was busy setting up their bags and using the bathroom, but I can tell from his squeeze that he shares her sentiments.

When I go to the theater they stay back to relax after the long flight and from walking around the city. But they go to the show the next night and then out for the most New York-style food we can find; New-York-Style Pizza, hot dogs, cheesecake, and bagels. While I work, they take the chance to sightsee around the city. It’s not the first time they’ve visited since I’ve lived alone in New York, but there’s always more to see.

After waking them up with my yelling from a nightmare, I end up recounting the terrible tale of the attack. It’s hard to tell them and for them to hear, but they provide support and help me through yet another bad boy experience. Despite what I expect, my mom doesn’t pressure me to come home. She just encourages me to talk with Anna and lean on Stella and stop letting the actions of bad guys dictate the state of my life. I can’t help but smile at the similarity to Jensen’s sentiments. Just knowing I have people on my side makes me feel more confident and at peace. My dad offers to take the couch, despite my protests and his bad back, while my mom and I share my bed. 

We talk until I can fall back asleep. I end up telling her more about Jensen and how he helped my through the days until they got here. I tell her about the horse riding and the Texas Barbecue and how everything he does is to make me feel more at home. She tells me he sounds like a good man, but to be cautious, because we thought the same of Travis and Tyler in the beginning, and insists to meet him one day. So, I tell her about our plans to spend summer in Texas and promise that if those plans eventuate, then I’ll bring him home with me.

The rest of their trip flows quickly and we’re all a little disappointed that I don’t get to spend more time with them over the few days that they’re in the city, but they understand I can’t afford to take anymore time off or skip any of my classes. They insist that I come home during the summer at least for a little while, regardless of whether the plans work out with Jensen, and promise to buy the tickets for me if he doesn’t. And once their seemingly whirlwind visit comes to an end all too soon, I catch an Uber to the airport with them to see them off.

Once they’re on the plane I go back to Stella’s place, ready to face the music and tell Anna everything. I’ve already left it way longer than I should. I sit down on the couch with her and slowly and carefully explain everything: what happened, why I haven’t been around, why it took me so long to tell her. She seems to understand and accept everything I tell her. While her first instinct is to go back to him to stop him from hurting anyone else, I try to persuade her that it would be more beneficial for her to go to the police and corroborate my story. Whether any charges will stick, they at least have a better chance if she’s willing to share her story. She agrees and so we both go to the police station together before my class. I sit in the waiting area while she talks to the same detective I did. She’s in the room for a long time, but it’s to be expected, I imagine she has a lot to tell. 

When Anna finally emerges from the interview room, she looks drained but determined. She tells me that she's given a statement, and the detective seems to believe her. I pull her into a hug, and there’s a changed energy and understanding between us. We both know we’re forever changed and bonded through this experience, but as I pull back and look at her, we silently agree to help each other through it. And for the first time in a long time, I feel like everything is gonna be okay. Despite everything, I know I have people on my side that want to help me, and someone that I know I can help. We catch the next available subways in opposite directions, she goes back to Stella’s while I go to class.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Taglist: @stoneyggirl2 @hobby27, @n-o-p-e-never, @deansimpalababy,

@winchesterwild78, @kr804573, @chriszgirl92, @smoothdogsgirl

@speakinvain, @deans-baby-momma, @1967winchesterimpala

@lmg14, @superrey, @kamisobsessed

[prettyyoungandbored]

The Test - Johnny Knoxville

Pairing: Johnny Knoxville x Fem!Reader (goes by “Babydoll”)

Author’s Note: I needed to get this one out because the next story I’ve had in my drafts for MONTHS and she needs to be seen!

NOT MY GIF

Y/N paced around her office when she heard the door open. Whitney entered, closing the door behind her with one hand while the other held onto a plastic bag.

“Special delivery,” Whitney beamed, handing over the bag.

“You’re an angel,” Y/N sighed, reaching into the bag. She paused for a moment, and then pulled out a bag of gummies.

“Those are mine,” Whitney said, grabbing the bag. “The rest is yours.”

Y/N grabbed the can of Arizona tea and began chugging it.

“Are you really that dehydrated?” Whitney remarked.

Y/N shot her a look. “Well I need to be able to pee, Whit.”

“Ok, but you don’t have water to - you know what? Not my problem. Drink up.”

Y/N continued chugging as her best friend watched while lying on the couch.

“So you’re doing this life changing event while your husband is at a meeting?” Whitney asked, putting a gummy worm in her mouth.

“Honestly, I just got the idea this morning,” Y/N admitted. “Like, I got it and then I called you and here we are.”

Whitney nodded her head. “I love that even though you’re married, you still go to me first for all your impromptu decisions.”

“Oh you always knew you would be my go-to regardless.”

Whitney hummed in delight as she threw another gummy worm in her mouth. “So what do we do now?”

“We wait until I have to pee,” Y/N said, leaning back against her desk.

“Ok, so while we’re waiting, you wanna tell me what you’re feeling right now?”

Y/N sighed. “I have, like, million thoughts going through my mind right now.”

“Want to talk about one-.”

“I’m fucking terrified.”

“Ok good. Let’s focus on that one.” Whitney sat up straight. “It’s ok to be scared-.”

“I said ‘terrified’ not scared.”

“Terrified, scared. Potato, pohtatoh.”

“No, scared is liked I don’t want anything to do with it, period,” Y/N said. “Terrified is like the idea of it makes my skin crawl.”

“That’s not-ok,” Whitney gave up. “Look, what are. You terrified of? Do you not want kids or-?”

Just then, the door opened and Johnny strolled in.

“Hey Whitney!” he greeted with a big smile.

“Hey! Look who it is!” Whitney said. “I’m gonna leave you two kids alone for a bit and make a phone call.”

She grabbed her purse and patted Johnny on the shoulder.

He turned to Y/N and placed his hands on her hips. “Everything ok, Babydoll?”

Y/N sighed, leaning her forehead against his. “Please don’t be mad.”

Johnny pouted. “What’s up?”

“Ok, so you know I haven’t been feeling well, right?”Y/N began.

Johnny nodded when his eyes widened. “Are you…?”

“I don’t know, but I’m taking a test. How do you feel about that?”

Johnny thought for a moment before asking, “Can I come in the bathroom with you?”

==================================

“Now, we wait,” she said, setting the test on the counter top.

Y/N and Johnny sat in the bathroom, their backs against the wall. Johnny rubbed his wife’s bare thigh, giving it an occasional squeeze.

“I chose a good day to wear a dress,” she spoke up.

Johnny cracked a smile. “I do like when you wear them. Easy access for me.”

She shot him a look, pulling back her lips. “You would.”

“You don’t fight me on it, Cutie.”

She sighed, leaning her head against his shoulder. “How are you feeling about possibly being a dad?”

“I would love to have kids,” he said. “And having kids with you? Dream come true. Technically, we’re parents to the Jackass gang. Although, I’m more of the mother and you take on the dad role.”

She chuckled as Johnny turned to her. “At the end of the day, kids is a partnership thing. If you’re not ready, we can wait until you are.”

“I am,” she said, feeling the weight of the situation lift off her body. “I’m just scared, you know? I mean, what if I’m a terrible mom?”

“You? Not a chance.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. You would be the best mother in the whole goddamn world.”

She opened her mouth to respond when she remembered something. She threw her head back against the wall. “Shit!”

“What? What is it?” Johnny asked, turning his body to face her.

“The meeting today. You got the role in ‘Dukes of Hazzard’, didn’t you?”

“Yeah but-.”

“But I’ll be pregnant while you’re filming.”

He shrugged. “So you come with me.”

“Come with you? It’s not filming in LA?”

“Nope. Louisiana. Two months beginning in February.”

Two months didn’t sound terrible. “But still, what about appointments? What am I gonna do while you’re filming? I don’t want to burden you, babe. You should be having fun.”

“I won’t be if I’m constantly worrying about you being thousands of miles away from me,” he said. “Look, if you end up getting pregnant, you can come with me. You can work from the trailer or from the hotel. We’ll get a temporary doctor to check in on you. We’ll…”

As he listed out all the things he would do, Y/N realized how lucky she was to have Johnny as a partner. When she saw obstacles, he saw ways to overcome them together.

Parenting would be hard, but with Johnny it would be worth it. That kid would have two parents doing everything and anything for them.

“All I know this that I don’t want to miss a single moment of you growing our kid,” he concluded. “I want to be there for everything.”

“Ok,” she said, taking his hand. “I’ll go with you.”

His eyes lit up. “Yeah?”

“As long as you can handle the good and the bad that comes with pregnancy,” she said.

“Babydoll, you know I can handle anything,” he said.

He gave her a kiss when his watch went off. “It’s time to check. You ready?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

Johnny helped her off the ground and Y/N grabbed the stick from the bathroom counter. She stared down at it as Johnny watched on bated breath.

“PJ…”

Her lack of a reaction made him sick to his stomach. “What? What’d it say?”

He looked at the stick and then back at her, tears streaming down.

=================================

Whitney laid on the office couch when Y/N and Johnny walked in. The red head shot up, smoothing out her jeans.

“What’s the verdict?” Whitney asked.

The couple exchanged a look, smiled growing on their faces.

“I’m pregnant,” Y/N said with a small laugh.

Whitney screamed before throwing her arms around Y/N. “I’m so happy for you two!” she exclaimed, squeezing her best friend.

She then moved to Johnny, giving him a big hug. When she pulled back, Y/N noticed tears pouring down her best friend’s face.

“Are you…Whitney you’re…” Y/N couldn’t believe it.

“I never thought it was possible,” Johnny remarked, shaking his head.

“Shut up, this is a special day,” she sniffled. “My best friend is having a baby.”

She grabbed a tissue off of Y/N’s desk and blew her nose.

Y/N and Johnny exchanged smiles. Not only did they get the best news ever, but they made Whitney cry.

[jqmalikhsgib]

blue skies

chapter: three

note: 5x11 5x13

despite what others may believe, aaron wasn’t the type to get angry so easily. it took a lot of will power to get under his skin.

the man had to have thick skin being a prosecutor and looking sadistic killers in the eye. he learned to control his temper at a very young age. having the parents that he had, the man had no choice.

knowing what he knows now, knowing he had a daughter out there, his own flesh and blood, a little girl who grew up without him for three years, he was livid.

how could she not tell him? how long had she known? why would she keep it a secret for three fucking years?!

aaron had another kid. a precious little girl out there that was half him. jack had a baby sister. god, jack was a big brother!

aaron asked penelope to send any photos on file of his daughter. he knew yn had socials. despite his protest on her keeping them, she still lived her life on social media. aaron just wanted her to be safe. he knows what kind of crazy psychopaths were out there. he knew they could do anything with the blurriest photos. its why he didn’t have social media himself.

knowing her, she’d probably posted one or two photos of their kid on instagram. he had to see what she looked like.

when he did his breath hitched. she was beautiful. his little girl looked so much like him. she had his nose, his eyes, her hair was dark just likes his. she definitely had yn smile though. she was his little girl.

aaron didn’t know what he’d say when he meets her. what would be appropriate? “sorry it took me so long to find you, baby. daddy didn’t know you existed.”

he had no clue. but he promises himself right there, he’s gonna make it right to her. she deserves her father in her life.

when he arrived to texas he rents a car and drives to the address garcia sent him. once he arrives at the apartment buildings, he walks around until he finds hers. he knocks on the door and patiently waits for someone to open the door.

you just arrived home from a long day at work. the only thing you wanted was the relax with your daughter and forget about the horrible day you had.

you send your babysitter on her way after paying her. you and jane play with elizabeth while she continues to play with her toys when you hear a knock on the door.

“must be sara. she probably forgot something, again.” you giggle before getting up to open the door. your eyes widened when you see who it was. you step in the hallway and closed the door behind you.

“aaron?!”

aaron gives you a blank look. you hated when he stared at you like that. almost as if you weren’t there. you knew he was upset when he looked at you like that.

“what are you doing here? how did you find me?”

“im an fbi agent, yn! i have connections. the real question is, when were you gonna tell me about our daughter?!”

your heart felt like it was gonna rip out of your chest. of course he’d find out before you had the opportunity to tell him yourself.

you stood there and cross your arms over yourself protectively. something you’ve done since you were a child.

“aar,”

“you hid this from me yn. three years! three years of me missing every milestone my daughter went through! crawling, her first words, first steps, her first tooth, all of it, yn! how dare you,”

“i tried!”

aaron stops. he looks at you waiting for you to continue.

“i tried, aaron! the night i gave birth to lizzy, i called you! it was the same night i found out i was blocked. you don’t get to be angry at me for keeping our daughter a secret. you left us aaron. you left us behind while i raised that little girl all by myself. do not make me look like the bad guy when you made the choice of cutting me out of your life!”

you tried to keep it together. you didn’t need aaron to see you fall apart. you wiped the single tear drop that fell from your eye.

aaron looks at you with those sad eyes he used to whenever you’d tell him the horrendous stories of your childhood. he runs his fingers through his hair and sighs.

“i—you’re right. i cut you out and im sorry. I’m mad at myself and taking it out on you. i just—i just lost haley and suddenly gained a daughter all in less than a week.” he shrugs his shoulders.

you completely understand. it had to be a lot of information to have in such a short time. you felt bad for aaron. you nod your head slowly.

“she knows about you. of you anyway. she thinks you’re a real life superhero.”

aaron smiles at that. you knew he didn’t feel much like anyone’s hero. but you knew that his son and lizzy thought otherwise made him feel special. you would do anything in your power to keep it that way.

“can i—when can i meet her?”

you give him a sympathetic looks.

“aar, i want to, i do, but how can i trust you? having my heart broken was enough. i won’t let you break lizzy’s heart. you have to be sure this is what you want. you have to be sure you want to be her father. if not, if you can’t bring yourself to be her dad, be in her life for the rest of it, you might as well leave. i won’t let you hurt my baby.”

aaron nods understanding. you knew he’d do the same if the roles were reversed.

“i promise.”

yn nods her head.

“i was suppose to work tomorrow. i still have vacation time so ill take off. you remember the cafe we use to go to?”

“yeah.”

“there is a park across the street. you can meet us there, alright?”

after giving him a good time to meet he left and you walked right back inside. jane stood right in front of you with her arms crossed and one of her infamous cold glares. you looked to see that your daughter wasn’t where she was when you left. you knew it was normally the time she took a nap. when you walked in the kitchen you poured yourself a cup of wine. jane walks right behind you.

“please don’t start, jane.”

“he doesn’t deserve to meet her, yn. he deserves nothing!”

“aaron is her father, jane.”

“who left before he knew she existed. yn, come on, you know im right. how could you let that man meet lizzy?”

you simply roll your eyes. you knew she would never forgive aaron. it wasn’t up to her to forgive. you knew in the end aaron deserved to be in lizzy’s life no matter what you thought about him. even if you hated aaron, which you didn’t, no one could tell you what to do with the child you shared with him.

jane was your best friend. Has been since the moment you met her on the streets. the two of you had similar stories. you loved her like a sister. when she found out you were pregnant and aaron had left you, she was there to help raise elizabeth with you. you will forever be grateful for her! but you told her the if its any moment in your lives where aaron comes back or tires to contact you, you’d introduce him to his daughter. she should have known you would never change your mind.

“jane, i love you. you know that right?”

she nods her head. “good, because what im about to tell you might piss you off. its none of your business what i do when it comes to my kid. what i think is best for her is my decision because she’s my daughter. i am so grateful that for the past few years you have helped me with lizzy. i will forever love and cherish you for that! but in the beginning i told you that if aaron were to come back, she will know who her father is and he will help raise her with me. this doesn’t mean that you arent a huge part of lizzy’s life, but her other parent is still alive and well and wants to know his daughter. I have to give him the opportunity to be lizzy’s dad. you understand that right? please tell me you understand?”

your best friend simply shakes her head angrily. “i don’t, yn. i will never understand why you’re giving aaron another chance.” she states before walking away and slamming the door to her bedroom. you sigh before going to your own bedroom.

about twenty minutes go by and you hear the front door open and closed. you knew it was jane leaving to go blow off some steam. you start crying. you felt like you were letting everyone down. you didn’t know what you could do to fix your relationship with your best friend.

most importantly you didn’t know what to tell your daughter tomorrow. do you just blurt it our. tell her that the man in front of you was her father? should you lie? tell her he was a good friend of yours? should you find something in between. maybe tell her he was an old family friend, maybe call him her uncle hotch? you didn’t know.

suddenly you feel arms wrapped around you.

“mamma, crying. why?”

you look your daughter in the eyes as she wipes away your tears. “im sorry, bug. mamma’s just a little emotional.”

“don’t cry, mamma. don’t like when you sad.”

you kiss the top of her head. “mamma will stop. she feels so much better when you’re around. always making her smile.”

lizzy kisses your cheek. just how you do whenever she cries.

the rest of the night you spent with your daughter. you watched a little tv, played an educational game, fed her, read her a book, and finally put her to bed. when you went to sleep yourself, after a much needed shower, you hear a small knock on your bedroom door. when you opened it you see jane.

“im sorry, yn. you’re right. Its none of my business what you decide is best for lizzy. i just, i don’t wanna see either of you get hurt. it took so long to get you back on your feet when that asshole left. i don’t want him to do that to you again or to my favorite little lizard.” she explains. you nod your head before hugging her tightly.

“i know you’re upset. i promise you, if he fucks this up, i will not forgive him and will do everything in my power to protect my daughter. she comes first in my life, always!” you state. jane nods her head happily with that answer.

“i should probably get some sleep. ill see you tomorrow.”

when you were alone again you finish up the last chapter of your book before drifting off to sleep.

aaron parks his car and waits patiently for yn to arrive, he was completely nervous. he didn’t know what to expect. he was a new father once again. aaron remembered this feeling when he found out that haley had been pregnant with jack.he had nine months to prepare for jacks arrive. nine months to figure out how to be a father to a human being. when finding out that jack was a boy, he had nine months to prepare to care for his son. now being a dad to a little girl, a three year old girl at that, he had less than twenty four hours to be a dad to his daughter.

he takes a deep breath before seeing yn and his little girl walk over to him. he smiles as they get closer. once they were close enough he gets out of the car. his daughter looks at his confused. she looks back over to her mom before whispering.

“whos this, mamma?” she asked in her adorable little voice.

“this is my friend, aaron. say hi, bug.”

the little girl buries her head into her mothers shoulder shyly.

“its okay, bug, aaron is friendly. he won’t hurt you.”

she looks back at aaron. she gives him a shy smile. aaron heart pounds. she was the cutest. she looks a lot like jack did when he was her age.

“hi.” she responds.

“hi! my name is aaron,”

“awen?”

“thats right, bug. he’s gonna play with us at the park. is that okay,baby?”

lizzy nods her head. the three of you walk to the park. aaron played with her for the next thirty minutes. he was getting to know more and more about the little girl.

like the fact that she liked the color blue. “mamma says blue are for girls and boys.”

she was a big fan of pixar movies. “i love toy stowy and cars oh, and finding nemo! but my favorite is the mownster movie.” he knew she meant monsters inc.

she hated strawberries but loved strawberry ice cream. “mamma hates strawberries too, awen. she says they icky.”

when aaron got a bit tired he told his daughter he’d be back. he walks over to where yn was. she was currently reading a book. aaron sits beside her.

“tired already?”

aaron nods his head. he stares at her for a minute before she sets her book down and looks at him. “problem?”

“i just–i cant believe you took care of her for three years. i–i can! just feels like i missed so much. i did miss so much. im sorry, yn! If i would have known or even suspected you were carrying all of this on your own, i wouldn’t have left. you and haley deserved so much better. you both took on the responsibility of raising my children without me.” aaron shakes his head in disappoint. he should have been there. even if that meant not being with yn. he should have never blocked her number to begin with. allowing her to contact him when she needed him. when she was carrying his baby. especially with knowing her story. knowing what she went through in the past, knowing she’s been abandoned before, knowing she’s been knocked down, knowing she’s been lost. aaron truly felt like a failure.

yn shakes her head and grabs his hand. “you’re here right now, aar. you could have found out this piece of information and decided you wanted nothing to do with me or lizzy. Instead, however you found out, you still decided to come to us. that’s what matters.”

aaron nods his head. they stay silent as they watch their daughter. she was now playing in the sandbox. aaron smiles lovingly. he looks over at yn once again. the sight was beautiful. the only thing missing was jack. if jack was here he’d feel like a family. suddenly he felt guilty. he shouldn’t be imagining this right now. he shouldn’t be thinking about his life with yn. not in this moment. he just buried haley! he should be focus on building a relationship with his kid. thats whats important.

“i want to be able to see her more, yn. i will do everything i can to see my little girl. i won’t miss anything else!”

she nods her head. “we can talk about when you’re free to visit. i can make sure both of our schedules are aligned. but, i don’t want her knowing who you are just yet, aar. baby steps, okay?”

aaron simply nods before he walks back over to his daughter and helps her build a sandcastle.

after three nights of being in texas, aaron had to head back home. yn made a promise to keep him updated on anything that happens with lizzy. he wasn’t gonna miss anything in elizabeth’s life ever again.

his first day back at work was a rollercoaster ride. a ex con, dan strader kidnapped his daughter as a ploy to get an uncover cop to commit a series of crimes after stealing the man’s family.

once he closed the case and they arrived back home he called penelope to his office.

“shut the door, please?”

penelope does as told before standing nervously by the door.

“you can relax, garcia. you’re not in any trouble.”

garcia lets out a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding.

“i just want to thank you for keeping my secret. i know it’s a lot for you, but i appreciate it.”

“of course, sir.”

“that being said, i need you to keep it, penelope. it’s crucial that this stays between us.”

“oh.”

“is that a problem?”

“no, sir. well, yeah, kinda! you know how i am with keeping secrets. it’s why it’s a rule not to tell me any christmas gifts the teams got each other.”

aaron gestures to the seat. penelope sits down across from her stoic boss.

“penelope, i lost someone from an evil man. these people, knowing about jack scares me everyday. my son doesn’t deserve to be targeted because of me. i will do whatever it takes to keep him safe knowing what’s out there. i need people to know little about me and this team as possible. that includes everything in our private lives. this—penelope i can’t lose her, jack or my daughter. i won’t recover from that. i just—i won’t.” aaron voice breaks at the thought.

penelope nods understandably.

“your secrets safe with me, hotch. i—i will do everything in my power to keep it to myself. even if i have to super glue my mouth.”

aaron gives her one of his winning smiles he rarely pulls out. “that won’t be necessary, garcia. thank you!”

penelope nods her head before getting up and walking towards the door. she grabs the knob before stopping and turning back around.

“for what it’s worth, sir, she’s really beautiful. yn and your daughter.”

“thank you.” aaron whispers before he gets back to his paperwork and penelope leaves.

“she says she misses you. she asked when you’re coming back.” you state over the phone.

it’s been two months since aaron found out about lizzy. he came to visit a few times. lizzy really enjoyed whenever he was around. you’ve never seen her smile so widely.

last time when he visited lizzy cried. the only way you got her to calm down was to call aaron. he promised that he’d be back before she knows it.

you still haven’t told lizzy aaron was her father. you weren’t quite there yet.

“i miss her too. i hate being away from her. have you thought about the conversation we had?”

you bite the bottom of your lip. aaron had asked you if you’d ever consider to move to washington. you knew what he meant by that. aaron wasn’t asking just to be closer to lizzy. he was asking so you’ll be closer to each other. potentially getting back together. even if it’s in the far future.

you wanted to, you truly did, but you weren’t one sure you wanted to move your kid a few miles away this young.

“im still thinking, aar. it’s not as simple as you think. my whole life’s here.”

“hone—yn, i just want my family together. is there anything i can do or say to change your mind?”

“you’re just gonna have to let me think things through, aar.”

you hear his sigh through the phone. “im sorry. im rushing you. i just wished i could see lizzy whenever.”

“i know. i promise that once i have everything figure out you will be the first one to know.”

“thank you. i should go. i think we might have another case. ill call you back later tonight.”

you smiled before ending the call and getting back to making your daughter lunch.

aaron looks at jj before she speaks.

“sorry, hotch. is this a bad time?”

“no, its fine. what’s going on jj?”

aaron noticed the look of despair on her face. normally when jj gets nervous its a case that affects her in a personal light.

jj tells him about a potential case in wyoming. two teenagers were found hanging in their bedroom in the same rural county. aaron didn’t know if it was a case but he wasn’t gonna take the risk of it being something bigger.

after presenting the case to the team they took the jet and headed straight to wyoming. once they arrived they got to work immediately. the whole team trying to determine if it was homicides or suicides.

once they figured out it was definitely homicides they start to investigate further. aaron was in the middle of watching derek and spencer interview their main suspect when his phone rings. he looks at the caller id and sees its yn calling.

he sent her straight to voicemail. he focused back on the case, leaving her a message before turning his phone off and giving his attention back to the case.

after they solved the case, aaron and the team went back on the jet and were on their way back home. aaron turns his phone back on and instantly get many notifications from yn. he reads her text and begins to panic. he walks away from the team and calls her back immediately.

“i just got your message. im sorry, i was working. i turned off my phone. is she alright?”

“she broke her arm, aar. she’s in a cast.”

aaron runs his hands through his hair. “im flying there! as soon as i get off—”

“that’s not necessary, aaron.”

“she’s hurt, yn. i should be there!”

“what about jack?”

aaron knew she was being reasonable. he just felt guilty for not being there. he should be there now.

“ill bring him with.”

“aar,”

“please don’t fight be on this, yn? i wanna be there. i told you im not missing anything else from her life. the good or bad.”

she sighs. “okay. just—let me know when you’re on the plane, okay?”

“yeah. is she asleep?”

“no. she’s laying beside me. do you wanna talk to her?”

“may i?”

aaron hears some static before hearing his little girls voice. “awen?”

“hi, lizzy. i heard you got hurt?”

“yeah. owchy.” she sniffles.

“im sorry, sweetheart. im sure you’ll get better soon.”

“when you coming back, awen. miss you.”

aaron’s heart breaks. he feels the same way whenever jack tells him he missed him. it hurts him every time. but he’d do whatever it takes to put these evil murders behind bars to make it a little safer for his children.

“how ‘bout i come over in the morning?”

“yeah?! pwomise?”

aaron smiles. “i promise.”

“okay! love ya, awen!”

now his heart pounds happily. “i love you too, sweetie. can you give the phone back to mamma?”

aaron hears static once more before hearing yn voice. “hey. you made her happy again. thank you.”

“im her dad. ill always try and make her happy. her and her mom.” aaron whispers the last part. he knew she heard. he could tell she’s now smiling herself.

“we’ll see you soon, okay?”

“okay. bye.” aaron ends the call with a small smirk. dave walks over to him with a glass of scotch.

“who is she?”

“what?”

“come on, aaron! ive known you for decades. i can tell when you’re smitten. that’s the same look i saw on your face a few years ago when you were seeing that—what was her name? yn?”

aaron looks at dave and he caught on quickly.

“ah. since when?”

“a month. but we’re not—we’re not back together.”

“yet.” dave smirks as he takes a sip of his scotch.

aaron looks around to make sure no one was listening. when he saw spencer and emily playing poker, derek listening this his music, and jj and penelope talking he gets back to talking to dave.

“it’s complicated.”

“how so?”

aaron sighs. “after we broke up i made the mistake of blocking her number,”

“i get it. you were still freshly divorced and jack was barely a year old. you still had faith in getting your family back together. im sure she understands that.”

“dave, i just lost haley.”

dave nods understandably.

“but that’s not even the biggest problem. she—she was pregnant when i left her, dave. i have another kid. a daughter.”

“wow. does jack know he has a sister?”

aaron shakes his head. “he just lost his mom. she doesn’t even know im her dad, yet. yn isn’t ready to tell her. it’s fine, you know? i just don’t wanna miss anything else, dave. ive already missed three years. i refuse to miss anymore.”

“you shouldn’t. but she lives in texas right?”

aaron sighs before nodding. “yeah. i asked her to move to washington. she’s considering it.”

“that’s a big step?”

“is it?”

“aaron, this isn’t some woman. look, i know you loved haley. a part of you will forever love haley. but we both know that relationship you had with her died a long time ago. you tried to convince yourself that it could still work after the divorce because she was the mother of your only child at the time. truth is you fell in love with this yn woman. and honestly, i don’t think you’ve ever stopped. and now that you have a kid with her, you want to make it work, be a family. you both may need time. with haley’s passing still fresh and her trying to trust you again, its still something you want. im sure its still something she wants to. the fact that she’s even considering moving a thousand miles to be closer to you tells me she’s wouldn’t be moving just for your daughter, but because she knows its a chance of you getting back together.” dave finished.

“i do still love her, dave. never stopped. i just feel completely guilty for feeling this way about anyone other than haley.”

“you don’t need to rush this, aaron.”

aaron nods. he’s glad he has a friend like dave. one to help him navigate his life.

“so, what’s my god daughters name? gotta start a trust fund for her.”

aaron smiles. “elizabeth.”

“got any photos?”

“only tens of thousands. since finding out yn sends me one or two every day. plus the few ive taken.” aaron states while he opens his cellphone and hands it to dave.

“she’s adorable, aaron. looks like you!”

“she does, doesn’t she?” aaron smiles.

for the rest of the ride back home aaron tried to get some sleep. preparing himself for another flight.

when aaron arrived lizzy was taking a nap. he was holding a sleeping jack in his arms. you let them in.

“you can set him down on the couch if you like.”

aaron nods his head before he sets him down. “is she asleep?”

you simply nod your head. “sorry? you missed her by five minutes.”

“it’s alright.”

you walk into the kitchen. “do you want anything to drink?”

“a water would be nice, thank you.”

you simply nod your head before handing him a bottle of water.

“how is she?”

“as good as she can be. she’s still a bit emotional. i had to tell her we couldn’t go to the park for awhile. that made her cry more.”

aaron nods.

“but she remembered you were on your way. she stood by the door for a good ten minutes before i told her it’ll be awhile before you got here. she kept saying she needed to stay for her best friend aaron.” you smiled at that knowledgement.

aaron smiles at that. you loved that smile more than anything. it’s why what you’re about to tell him made you feel happy. it was a difficult decision but you knew it was the right one. jane on the other hand was upset but she knew in the end you were right.

“aar, i—i thought really hard about what we spoke about a few days ago. i—it was hard for me to decide this. i didnt wanna uproot lizzy’s life at at such a young age. but she needs you around more. and after her arm broke she cried for you as well. our kid, she’s pretty smart. i think—i think deep down she knows you’re her dad. it’s why she has this deep attachment to you already. you’re so important to her. you’re—you’re important to me too.”

“does this mean you’re gonna move to washington?”

“yes. with jane and i’s credentials, we already have so many offices wanting to hire us in washington. we’ll be flying out there in two weeks for our interviews and hopefully we each get one of the secretary jobs. if we do we’ll move as soon as we find a place.”

aaron smiles the biggest you’ve seen him smile. he walks over to you and hug you tightly. “thank you, yn. this—this means a lot.” he states before pulling away. you were inches away from your lips touching until you cleaned your throat.

you weren’t ready yet. and you highly doubt aaron was either.

“sorry.”

“it’s fine.” you simply shake your head before speaking again. “does jack know?”

aaron shakes his head. “i—i figured we should tell them around the same time. jack doesn’t need to know just yet.”

you nod understandably. you were relieved he hadn’t told jack yet. you wanted lizzy to know before jack. that way jack won’t accidentally spill it to lizzy.

“daddy?” aaron walks over to his son.

“hey, buddy. how was your nap?”

“good. where are we?”

“um—we’re at a friends house. jack, this is yn. yn, this is my son jack.”

you wanted to meet aarons son for the longest. he looks so much like aaron. you bend down to his height before shaking his hand.

“hi, jack! im your dads friend. ive heard so much about you!”

“really?”

“mhm. heard you liked legos. is that true?” jack nods his head.

“well, you’re in luck! i happen to have a ton of legos. my daughter loves playing with them too. wanna help build a firehouse?”

jack eyes widened. he turns to his dad with the most adorable bug eyes. it must be a genetic trait jack and lizzy get from aaron.

“can i, daddy?”

“absolutely, buddy! come on.”

you knew lizzy would be up soon. you walk into her room and seen her sit up. she rubs her eyes slowly.

“momma?”

“look who’s here, baby?!”

lizzy opens her eyes wider and smiles when she sees aaron. you looked over at him seeing him frown at her sky blue cask.

“awen!” she jumps out of bed and hugs him after he picks her up.

“careful, sweetie. don’t wanna hurt yourself more.”

“miss you, awen.”

“i miss you as well.”

“who’s this daddy?”

“jack, this is yn daughter lizzy.”

“hi, im jack!”

lizzy looks at you shyly. “it’s okay, bug. jack is aaron’s son.”

lizzy gasped. “weally?!”

aaron laughs. “yeah!”

“hi, jack. i lizzy! your daddy very nice! he my fwiend. wight awen?”

“that’s right, sweetie.”

“daddy, cool!” jack states matter of factly.

“i was thinking we could build the lego firehouse mamma just bought. how’s that sound?”

“yeah, mamma! awen and jack help too?”

“absolutely, bug!”

lizzy claps her hands. aaron sets her down before the four of you start playing with the legos. if this was what life was gonna be like forever you could definitely get use to this.

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

august 26, 2021 4:00 a.m. a balcony, somewhere

time somehow seems to simultaneously slow to a crawl and race beyond the speed of light. grant doesn’t remember when they’d ended up perched like lovebirds at the pinnacle of a staircase, peering out over the night-drenched landscape, but it must have been a while ago. customers have long since stopped streaming in and out of the restaurant on the street below.

he remembers in better detail the stream of their conversation–they’d shifted from food and a strangely peaceful, humorous discussion of kicking the bucket to movies, and at some point, paranormal stories came up along the way.

it’d be hard to forget talking to yunha.

there’s something curiously enrapturing about her, something that had drawn him to her when he first made eye-contact with her.

the look in her eyes, maybe. it’s piercing, like she’s baring right through your skin and into your soul, but not malicious or judgmental. it’s friendly, it’s curious, it’s playful.

the way she speaks, maybe. she’s the most engaged conversationalist he’s ever encountered. everything you say, whether she agrees or disagrees, is met with affirmations and a lot of nodding. yes, yes, of course. i see, i see. i understand. ohhh, wow! really?

she’s unraveling every shard of the puzzle that is his personality and piecing it back together in one whole picture, analyzing it. figuring it out. appreciating it.

or maybe it’s the sweetness that radiates off her. she appears unafraid to smile, instead all too happy to flash those pretty, crooked bunny teeth for the world to see.

“so, i'm going to guess you’re not accidentally good at singing.”

she seems not to mind revealing her own puzzle pieces either, and the more she says about herself, the more fascinated he is with her. with who she is. with what makes her tick.

“i hope it’s not an accident,” yunha replies, laughing, “because shit, then years worth of practice was a waste.”

“time enjoyed is never time wasted.”

the unabashed cringe of the line garners an immediate eye roll, but she still seems to find it funny.

they’ve definitely been sitting here a while. grant straightens his back, fixing his gradually slouching posture, and is is met with an immediate flash of pain, distinct from the chronic dull ache underlying every day of his life, that radiates down every vertebra.

“what got you into music, though?”

yunha’s rosy pink lips purse in thought as she dwells on the question.

“a lot of things. my parents like music. i listened to a lot of different kinds of songs my whole life, first with them, and then later with my friends. i had some time between classes and studying to spend having fun, but i couldn't spend any money, so my friends and i would go to this music store. we walked around and picked random albums to listen to on the headphones. we never bought anything.”

grant nods supportively. “what’s, like, the first album you remember really liking? or albums. you don’t have to pick one.”

“ah! i treasure so many albums. seo taiji and boys IV. i think that’s still my favorite nostalgic album ever. i also remember fondly, um, this girl’s in love with you by aretha franklin. i heard that at the music store, and i was so impressed by her talent. i still am.”

“i'm not a music expert. surprise! i know, i know, i'm sorry to tell you, i did not practice for centuries for that wonderful spice girls performance earlier. no, but seriously, i most often just listen to the same old emo stuff i liked when i was 13. so, unfortunately i don’t know the first album at all, at least not yet, but i do know the second one. you have fantastic taste, that’s a classic.”

despite his ignorance, yunha still smiles from ear to ear. “you should look up the first one! look up, like, seo taiji ‘come back home.’ that’s the most popular song on the album. i don’t wanna bias you, so listen on your own and make your own opinions.”

“wilco. and if you don’t mind me asking, how’d you turn the interest in music into a skill? you are talented, but i know it's very much a skill. it does take a lot of practice to become tangibly good at music.”

“to express myself,” yunha says plainly, “it’s easier to tell your story in art than talking about it, and singing is free. you don’t need supplies to learn it. but yes, i needed that kind of outlet, you know? i always liked singing, always did it, but i needed more than only entertainment from it over time.”

“oh yeah, art is helpful. i really should have gotten on that train earlier. i got on board about a year ago. it's much better for you than intellectualizing everything. or at least that's what i tend to do. do you perform, by the way? outside of karaoke, that is."

"sometimes. but also, not in a long time."

there falls a brief, but peaceful lull in the conversation. grant’s eyes draw to black night sky as he recalls the last haphazard art he’d created–the mushy-gushy attempt at processing the universe. seeing it hanging above him now, his thoughts are no less conflicting. light pollution washes out the shining sea of stars, but the sky still retains its beauty, its bewilderment. visible or not, an infinite chain of dimensions and celestial bodies exist in the vacuum of space, orbiting independent of him, yet factoring in the tiny fraction of his mass on the mass of the earth in their delicate ballerina dance across the fabric of spacetime.

the universe must have created me for some reason, for something other than anguish.

his own words. again. ever-present.

“i miss seeing the stars.” yunha’s buttery soft voice breaks his concentration. “you can’t see anything here.”

“polaris.” grant raises his left arm and draws his index finger across the sky until it hovers above the only star he’s seen thus far. “technically, that means we should be able to see sirius, too, but we don’t need to get all science-y and talk about magnitude and that polaris isn’t–”

“i would like it if you did.”

she was thinking of the stars, too.

synchronicity.

“aw shucks! well. i’ll say this, polaris isn’t the brightest star. we just talk about it way more frequently because it has the most cultural significance in the northern hemisphere for, you know, navigation reasons. but hey, give it about 12,000 more years, and it even won’t be the north star anymore. thank you, wobbly earth axis. but also boo, woobly earth axis, because it's a little sad to think about.”

yunha’s eyes glitter with fascination. “it’ll be something else?”

“yep! the next north star will be vega,” he explains, “come on down, you’re the next contestant!”

“maybe we’ll see it happen.”

“if my consciousness is still floating around as little dust particles, that’d be pretty sick. you know? forget fly me to the moon, fly me to vega. why not?”

“i don’t think i'll be dust,” yunha says, not missing a beat at all, even as her focus remains fixed on the faintest twinkle emanating from polaris, “it’s kind of troubling. you don’t want to be, like, stuck in the whole cycle of the universe, but if you’re still here, you can see some really beautiful things.”

“ah. reincarnation?”

“if you’re asking me, you’re not going to be dust. either you escape the suffering or you come back in some kind of physical form, human or not, and you try again.”

grant thinks about it for a moment. and then the feelings, like usual, spill out at once.

“i'm not going to lie, that idea has always given me the heebie-jeebies. i think it’s very cool as a concept, but i'm, like, man, i don’t want to do this shit again. also, look, we're doing the thing again. oh, and shit, that sounded judgmental. i just run my mouth too much."

"most people don't know they lived before. you can't really remember your other lives without a lot of study," she answers, "and no, you don't. i prefer to hear your real opinion. it's actually stupid when people tell you what they think you want to hear."

"do you ever wonder what you were up to last go-around?"

"not too much, but i always heard strange birthmarks and scars are signs from your last death. fears, too. things you avoid. so, i guess, like, a clown stabbed me in the neck with needles."

"are you afraid of storm drains, by any chance? if so, i think pennywise had it out for you."

"hahaha." yunha shakes her head. "wait, i have to ask. is it not worse thinking you can only live once? that's not uncomfortable? feeling like you have to make everything perfect in your one lifetime?"

"oh no, it's terrifying. dying and just being done with everything is eerie, too, because there are nice things to do and see here in the real world. you’re right about that. and yeah, there is a lot of pressure to get it all right. also, that's not even mentioning that there are people i love that i don’t want to be gone forever. i'd like to think they remain somehow. conscious or not. i kind of think they do, but i don’t know. am i contradicting myself? capital-P probably."

“you don’t know what to think.”

grant immediately bursts out laughing. “yeah, no, absolutely not. i do not know. i just kinda waffle around and hope some scientist throws out some numbers and whatnot that proves some explanation of everything correct. but that’s impossible. it’s literally impossible. we can’t even simulate or predict the wacky physics that were going on at the exact moment the big bang happened.”

“not to be, like, all quirky, but...” yunha reaches over, patting him on the shoulder. “maybe don’t think about it? you’re gonna go crazy. you can just not know? and it's fine. this doesn’t mean anything anyway. the answer to anything is already in you, it’s not out there.”

and then she, too, starts giggling all over again and her cheeks blush deep red from sheepish cringe.

another stereotypical line, but he doesn't mind. they sound better coming from her than him anyhow.

a second later and she checks the time on her phone. her cheesy smile erodes into a slight frown.

“ahh, i really need to leave soon. i have a schedule in the morning.”

grant checks the time as well, drawing the sleeve of his hoodie up just enough to read the minuscule roman numerals on his watch.

on the watch an ex-girlfriend gifted him. not päivi, but...

4:00 a.m.

fuck.

right.

you’re leaving the country in two hours.

[autumnmobile12]

All right, this scene is a contentious one to say the least.

I want to look at the elements that make up this part, starting from the very beginning.

After waking up in Gresit, Alucard had one goal:  Kill Dracula.  Throughout Season 2, he’s determined, he has points of dry, sarcastic humor, but as a whole, his personality is pretty grim.  He is absolutely unwavering in his determination.

Once Dracula was dead, though, he now has to live with the guilt of not only killing the father who loved and raised him but also the guilt over being unable to save his mother when she needed him.  When Lisa was taken, Alucard was traveling, and though he never explicitly says this, I would bet anything that ever since that night he has asked himself, “Why wasn’t I there?  What could I have done differently?  If I had done _______, she would be here right now and none of this would have ever happened.”  Alucard is a rational character.  He understands that what happened to Lisa was a cruel accident of fate.  She was accused of witchcraft, and he and his father were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.  They couldn’t have predicted her death, they couldn’t have changed it.

But this is how the Bargaining Stage of Grief plays out.  This is what sets him apart from Trevor and Sypha by the end of Season 2.  Between the three of them, Sypha still has her family waiting for her.  She still has her people and the optimism to still see the brighter future.  (Which is a trait she never fully loses.)  As for Trevor, he had already lost everyone he’d ever loved, and so he definitely already went through all the messy stages of grief to the point of sad acceptance that his family is dead and now he has to live with that.

Alucard can’t identify with that kind of acceptance yet, for either of his parents. The grief is too raw, and so I believe his decision to remain behind while his companions left without him was a form of self-punishment.  In spite of the understanding it wasn’t his fault, he doesn’t believe he deserves to be happy after everything that happened.  Sure, he says he needs to protect the accumulation of his father’s knowledge, and while that might have been true, I feel like he had other options.  The show demonstrates that magic is capable of the impossible, so I feel like there should have been some kind of spell that could be engineered to keep his father’s/the Hold’s collection from being destroyed or looted.  If he asked Sypha and Trevor to stay and help him, I think they would have.  Instead, he watches them leave without asking them to visit or even expecting to see them ever again.  And we leave him finally breaking down over his losses.

All this to say he was not in a good headspace when Sumi and Taka showed up, which they picked up on and exploited to their advantage.  (The guy was talking to dolls he’d made to resemble his friends, and he was mimicking their voices in pseudo-conversation.  Funny conversations, yes, but damn, that coping mechanism…)

The first thing Alucard tells them is he ‘will not be hunted,’ but there is a disturbing irony here.

Attacking them indicates that his guard was up and he was ready to end lives if he had to.  Self-preservation is on point.  It’s Sumi and Taka who de-escalate the situation.  “We mean you no harm.  We came to ask you for help.”  They’re smiling and laughing by the end of this initial encounter.  They tell him their story.  “We’re these poor, innocent waifs from a distant land searching for a way to save our people.  Pity us.”  They present themselves as non-threatening, wide-eyed victims who only need help, which is a ruse he unfortunately falls for.

“It’s time for your reward.”

It makes my skin crawl how despicable that one line of manipulation is.  This is the chink in Alucard’s armor:  the idea of guilt that persists after the mother he couldn’t save and the father he killed, especially the latter.  Understandably, although Alucard recognizes what he did was necessary, the fact he’s committed patricide is weighing on him.  There was Sypha’s words of comfort at the end of Season 2 that was it was ‘okay to love the man,’ but neither she or Trevor are around.  This leaves the opening for the toxic, false comfort of Sumi and Taka’s manipulation.  Here they are introducing the conflicting idea that what he did is worthy of praise.

Couple that with the factor that at this point, he’s only known them for a few days at most.  Obviously, that’s nowhere near long enough to establish an emotional connection that’s strong enough to say,  “Yes, I want to be with this person.”  But his silence is not consent; in fact, I see this as fear that if he does not go through with this like they want, it will make them leave him like Sypha and Trevor did.  Again, they are playing on that fatal loneliness.  Coercion.

Soft words, soft voices, and that is he what he needed to hear.

And Sumi and Taka knew exactly what to say.

Back in their flashback about Cho, Sumi and Taka talk how they ‘studied’ her, studied the way she fought, and learned about her weaknesses for years.  This is the subtlest bit of foreshadowing I’ve found so far in the series.  It shows that Sumi and Taka don’t hunt vampires the way Trevor does.  They’re formidable fighters, yes, but they were not born and raised to hunt like the Belmonts were.  They don’t have that specific training or discipline, so they make up for it with deceit.  They ingratiate themselves with their prey, observing them and looking for the weak point.

Alucard said he would not be hunted.

But he was.

The entire time they were there, Sumi and Taka were studying him the way they studied Cho.  They saw Alucard’s loneliness and they took full advantage of the trust he gave them.  He invited them into his home, fed, and looked after them, he saw himself as their friend while the whole time they were looking for a way to kill him.  They were continuously asking about weapons, magic, off-limits rooms in the Castle, when the Castle could be fixed, etc.  They were trying to zero in on the ‘kill room’ where he would be at his most vulnerable.

It’s hard to say how much of Sumi and Taka’s story was true given the outcome, but I’m inclined to believe it was but with one caveat.  I don’t think they helped their fellow prisoners escape.  I think they were the only survivors.  There’s no evidence of this other than the fact I think it’s suspicious that they left their friends behind to seek help.  Okay…Japan is a long way from Wallachia.  They couldn’t find anyone closer?  They didn’t try to smuggle more people away?  They don’t even mention their people in their angry ranting before they try to kill Alucard.

There’s also the brief line where they say they were given to Cho’s court as children.  It’s not clear whether or not their parents were forced to give them up as tribute to Cho, but that’s irrelevant if they themselves felt betrayed and abandoned by the people who should have loved and protected them.  There is the later line where they say everyone lies to them.  With that, I think they were so far in the fog of grief and anger that in their minds, they were unable to recognize Alucard could have been a genuine ally to them, and they only saw him as just another vampire who was evil and needed to be killed.

The beauty and the tragedy of both Alucard and Lisa’s characters is that they are both so incredibly kind and selfless, and they want to believe in people.  Even when the Bishop’s henchmen came to her home, Lisa didn’t immediately jump to the conclusion of witchcraft and fear.  She asked if the Archbishop was ill and if they needed her help.  When they started tearing apart her home, she told them whatever they wanted she would give it to them.  She didn’t try to run.  She tried to explain calmly about her medical practice and that what she did helped people.  Her undoing was a man who meant her harm.

Lisa’s arrest is mirrored in the moments before Alucard kills Sumi and Taka.  Even though he realizes what’s happened and the situation he’s in, realizing they aren’t with him out of love and this was all a manipulation, a trap, and even rape——even though he realized all that, he still wanted to help them.

Right before they die, he is begging them to listen, that is their friend, and he can help them. The world is not against them.  These aren’t the words of a man trying to save himself.  He is living admirably up to the virtues he learned from his mother.  He waited until the last possible moment before choosing to save his own life over theirs. And his last line to them is, “I never lied to you.”

There’s no condoning what Sumi and Taka did to Alucard, that is an undeniably fucked up thing to do to a person and the plot accounted for it by killing off their characters.  However, I do feel these two are a testament to how anger and hatred will destroy a person and are a kind of foil to characters like Isaac. Isaac was horribly abused in his past and he had every reason to resent humanity, and yet by the end of his arc, he was beginning to let go of his anger and start a new life where he could be happy.  This is the lesson Isaac learns by the end of Season 3 whereas we leave Alucard again weeping alone with the memory of people he couldn’t save:  his mother and father and the two people he thought were his friends.  Again, he is grieving.  “I was a good friend to them, wasn’t I?  I helped them, didn’t I?  What did I do wrong?’

The answers are yes, yes, and no, he did nothing wrong.  Grieving is coming to terms with that.

And finally, we have the gruesome way in which he ‘displays’ their bodies outside the Castle as a means to warn off other travelers or intruders.  Impalement was a very degrading means of execution.  It was excruciatingly slow, extremely painful, and those who faced this sentence would suffer for hours if not days in public.  You see the rage and humiliation he feels, and so by impaling the corpses, he in turn inflicted that humiliation on Sumi and Taka.  It’s probably as close to the ‘eye for an eye’ mentality as he gets.

A recurring theme throughout the series is innocence against the brutality of a cruel world.  Characters like Sypha, Alucard, and Lisa can give all the kindness they have to offer, but they can’t change the fact that people like the Judge and Bishop exist.  Characters like Trevor and Isaac lost their faith in humanity and found it again with the help of people like Sypha and the Ship Captain.  And characters like Dracula, Carmilla, and even Sumi and Taka, lost their way entirely and were swallowed up by their rage and pain.