#the stinkiest farts

[bikerwizard4ever]

my cat let out a stinker again

[sage-nebula]

The heroic version of "Mother Knows Best" from Disney's Tangled is me singing it to my dog to reassure her during scary storms ("mother's right here, mother will protect you"), to convince her to not run off down the street with reckless abandon because she saw a small animal and slipped out of her collar ("mother knows best, listen to your mother, it's a scary world out there [. . .] skip the drama, stay with mama"), and to convince her to not eat random scraps of garbage at every opportunity.

. . . that last one requires more creativity, admittedly.

"Mother knows best / take it from your mumsy / eating that will make you sick. / Stomach pain and puke / an inflammed pancreas - yes / it'll mess you up quick! / Bits of plastic, tape / tons of toxic acorns / and some odd slimy . . . bone? / None of these are food / you're weird to wanna eat them / I'm just sayin' 'cause I wuv you . . ."

[loverboybrightsideghost]

THIS IS THE FART EPISODE

[dogtiber]

stinky sleepy sighthound

[froody]

I’ve had a really difficult week with my mental health. This evening my cat spontaneously crawled onto my chest and sat there and purred while I held her head in my hand and petted behind her ears and I was thinking “I love you so much it makes my heart heavy. So often you are my only friend, my only reason for being. Your love for me makes me feel like I may be someone worthy and good. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” like, really having a moment, so comforted by this little animal. And then she let out the stinkiest nastiest most heinous fart.

[erikagrape]

sometimes when i read things on here about what you all imagine dan and phil do in private, like lovey dovey things, it makes me laugh.

i mean it's cute but also so romanticised.

in reality when you're in a long term relationship you'll just have a cute moment, snuggled together, reach up for a little peck on the lips, and then one of you will just lay off the loudest, stinkiest fart.

that's reality right there.

[mimichaell]

❝𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧!⤜♡→ 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭?❞

⁀➷ regularly uses your head to rest his arm in public.

⁺₊⋆ shidou, nagi, kaiser, gagamaru, otoya, karasu

⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉

⁀➷ while you study, he sits hugging you from behind and drools on your shoulder.

⁺₊⋆ bachira, nagi, nanase

⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉

⁀➷ lays on you when he is tired, just like a warm blanket.

⁺₊⋆ kunigami, sae, barou

⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉

⁀➷ takes off your makeup for you when you're drunk.

⁺₊⋆ chigiri, isagi, rin, hiori, niko

⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉

⁀➷ if you get up for go to the toilet while cuddling, he will follow you.

⁺₊⋆ bachira, nanase, kurona, ness

⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉

⁀➷ dances with you in the kitchen to cute love songs.

⁺₊⋆ reo, isagi, bachira, yukimiya, rin (when he is not in emo mood)

⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉

⁀➷ sings with you in the shower.

⁺₊⋆ chigiri, raichi, aryu

⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉

⁀➷ says ''uwu cute little fart'' and then farts towards you.

⁺₊⋆ shidou, nagi (stinkiest), otoya

⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉

⁀➷ bites your body throughout the day.

⁺₊⋆ bachira (bites are his love language), shidou, kaiser, ness (does it when he is sleepy)

⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉

⁀➷ pretends to look inside his bag and pulls out a heart.

⁺₊⋆ tokimitsu, isagi, aiku, hiori, reo, kaiser

⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉

⁀➷ pretends to look inside his bag and pulls the middle finger.

⁺₊⋆ nagi, sae, shidou, niko, ego, barou

⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉

⁀➷ hugs you from behind when you're cooking.

⁺₊⋆ rin, niko, reo, kunigami, aiku

[ewesless]

💨💀 Headcanons!

@5mary5

Okay so this is my dirty secret forbidden crack. Here there be talk about bad gas out the ass (I can't find that legendary tumblr post, but if I do I will edit this post.) Edit: As promised! No wonder I couldn't find it :( I bless old chats, thank you old chats.

Mine will be the opposite with the characters breaking the taboo with MC!

MC: Somehow they have never done this in front of anyone. Is it magic? Superhuman levels of self control? Nay, it's because they are a sheep plushie. Laughs at farts because they are pretty immature and like crude humor. So this will be their reaction!

Lucifer: Only in the sanctuary of the bathroom, but he does alone in his room or office. He has the tightest control and the stick up in there helps a bit. Even dead asleep he has ironclad hold over his sphincter. Mammon and the Anti-Lucifer League have tried to cause him to with gas causing food and drinks, but even curses, spells and hexes failed. Does he even fart or is that why he's so cranky all the time? Scolds MC for being immature and regularly chews out his brothers for being vulgar. Strings anyone up by the heels who would have the audacity to fart in front of Diavolo because it makes Diavolo lol and Barbatos looks at him like he's commit a heinous offense.

Mammon: Will hold someone down and fart on them, aka his brothers, by that I mean Levi. He would be embarrassed for letting one slip in front of MC, but when he finds out it makes them laugh and they're okay with it he's relaxes and won't worry about letting them out. Intentionally low pressure ones though and tries to be quiet about it. Will tap Luke someone else on the shoulder and say, "Guess what?" And then fart!! He fooled Luke and Little D. no. 2 with the "pull my finger" trick.

Leviathan: Rancid, third stinkiest because of his food choices and because he will hold his bowels during binge sessions and speed runs. His headphones have advanced noise cancelling now because he was having a gas attack from anxiety during an game night against MC, Diavolo and Barbatos (Because Barbatos was curbstomping him) so all of a sudden he is gifted these fancy headphones??? He doesn't connect the dots because he thought his old pair had good cancelling. When MC is hanging out with him he'll apologize only if they're audible or noticeably stinky. He thought the reason MC was laughing their ass off that fateful game night because he was so funny...

Satan: Third stinkiest. He's accustomed to being alone in his room so when he's reading in the library and wants to be left alone he will rip ass. It smells like a litter box in his room sometimes, but he blames it on Mammon's cooking rather than the cats he is able to smuggle in. He doesn't fart intentionally in front of MC, but he isn't bothered by it when he does because it's a normal bodily function so wht would he be? That's illogical.

Asmodeus: you would not catch him DEAD. He gets an upset stomach occasionally from fad dieting so he takes stomach medicine when he does, but he's an "exclusively in the bathroom" type. He will whenever he's alone though, but he resents it. He thinks his gas smells the least offensive and he's right!

Beelzebub: The stinkiest of stinkies. They have power behind them too, like gale force hurricanes (not really, but you could swear it) when he has eaten certain food. He does not hold back but he does apologize when he belches and farts.

Belphegor: Second stinkiest, silent but deadlies. No apologies, no remorse because he's lazy and his rear is just as lazy and it's a natural bodily function. He uses them to troll his brothers too, but he always gets a particular smirk when he does and they are a creeping death so if someone is observant or wary enough (like Lucifer) they will escape the room.

Diavolo: He got caught off guard by one in front of MC once and it snuck past his defenses unhindered. He almost died from embarrassment and MC almost died from trying not to laugh about it. After that he was profusely apologetic, but MC told him it was fine as they laughed and soon Diavolo was laughing with them. He's always extremely polite and socially graceful about even a stomach gurgle because he has an image (and a Barbatos who is always protecting and enforcing that image) he has trained himself to have an incredible ability to hold them in. (The chat where he had the leg cramp supports this) So when he catches a moment between public appearances or meetings to escape to the bathroom he has to make the most of the opportunity. He farts for funnies in front of Lucifer when they've been drinking because one time he did and Lucifer was so aghast by his gas that he let out a scoff-laugh of disbelief and amusement that the Devildom Prince just did that. Diavolo is hellbent on hearing that cute reaction again and uses it at unexpected moments like a ninja flashbang. With MC he feels like he doesn't have to feel the pressure to be seen as perfect and occasional fartiness (usually when Barbatos is on a kick with certain foods) is just part of him that he can be himself without fear of judgement with them about.

Barbatos: My MC would be in a long term battle of wills against anyone, but particularly Barbatos. They will not fart. He will not fart. No one has given ground in the ?(?) years they have known each other. The reason why? One time he passed gas in front of them and was so ashamed because of looking anything less than completely perfect, flawless and in control that he edited the timeline. He will go so far as to summon portals and step into pocket dimensions to fart.

Luke: Holds them and excuses himself to the bathroom because he's a polite and well mannered boy (in some ways...) and it would reflect negatively on Michael and Simeon for him to do that. If he tooted (his words) in front of MC he would be upset about being gross or uncool in front of them, but MC would reassure him everyone does and that it was kinda funny though, wasn't it? Well ;n; I guess it kinda was... never again.

Simeon: He doesn't exactly hold them back, but he doesn't exactly let them out either. These situations do call for discretion, but he gives it away even if it was overlooked because he laughs a little and apologizes every time. In front of MC it makes him embarrassed, but when he realizes they make MC laugh he's more inclined to be relaxed and might do it for funnies.

Solomon: He has a category of his own. His food may not affect him, but it does affect the smell of his farts. At PH his room smells like absolute rotten ass unless Simeon rushes and airs it out whenever Solomon leaves it because he keeps the door shut and locked and often stays in their a whole day or more. Like Leviathan he'll be busy or distracted and in flow state with his research and magic and not use the bathroom. He can go in the woods no difficulty because he has magic to assist (not like HP wizards though. The man has sensibilities and couth.) He knew MC laughs at farts by observing their reactions to others so sometimes he'll say, "Hey MC." to get their attention and then rip one and laugh with them. During routine inspections of Cocytus Hall Barbatos actually casts a spell on his nose and mouth because of the foul and despicable sham of a sorcerer's fecal particles saturate the air.

Raphael: Because he eats a variety of foods but also regularly eats Solomon's food his are a subcategory of Solomon's. He does not make an expression or reaction and noone else does either because even his farts convey threat and the danger of his rain of spears.

Mephistopheles: When he was a young Demon he was even more anxious about looking good in front of Diavolo and impressing him. He did fart in front of him once and was so mortified that he vowed to never do something so disgraceful again. Will not ever fart in front of MC.

Thirteen: THIS IS THE REASON SHE HATES SOLOMON SO MUCH. She got a severe upset stomach from his food and actually thought about 100 new death traps to murder him with. That was the only reason she didn't kill him on the spot bacause the silver lining was those 100 traps! She would sooner hide out until the extinction of all life before she would pass gas in front of MC or anyone. The number one and only who adheres to the in the bathroom!!!

These are inspired by real life! Especially Mammon and Solomon.

[persephinae]

Noooooo you dumb bitch 😭

Brimstone is sulpher and it smells like the world's stinkiest eggy farts

[nomnomnomvore]

Scream (And huff)

So I've finally given in and wrote crimes against nature (and Miguel's ass). All thanks to those Ghostface pics.

I would like to apologize to the ATSV fandom and wish y'all a happy Halloween. Stay safe and I hope you enjoy this mess.

(WARNING: Fart stuff ahead. If you're into it, feel free to keep reading. If not, stay away.)

You let out a small groan as you started to return back to yourself, trying to recall the events that happened before you lost consciousness. You were getting ready for a Halloween movie marathon before you got a call from a stranger asking you odd things: Your name, if you were alone, if you had a boyfriend. Again, weird, but as the call continued, you swore you heard the sound of a small, bubbly explosion before a toxic, putrid smell filled your nose.

And that’s when you passed out, only to find yourself here laying on the couch, with your view becoming clearer as the seconds passed slowly. However, that didn’t explain why you suddenly felt something heavy on your chest.

“I see you’re finally awake.”

You could hear Miguel’s serious yet oddly teasing voice flowing into your ears as your eyes widened at the sudden sight of his ass close to your face. Sure, it was mostly covered in dark clothing due to the black cloak he was wearing, but even that wasn’t doing a good job at hiding how large his behind truly was.

And neither how bad it stank due to his musk. You were sure that, if your view was clearer, you could’ve seen the stench fuming out of his asscrack.

“I was a bit worried that tiny sample of my gas I gave you earlier would’ve been too much for that weak nose of yours, but then again, I wouldn’t be here to begin with if that was the case.” Miguel snarked, making you gulp loudly at his words. The smell of his ass seemed to become more sickening now that you knew it wasn’t pure musk. The sudden groans and gurgles coming from the man’s stomach only made your terror rise up. It sounded like a demon growling from the depths of Hell.

GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN!!

And through all the noise, and your mind still stuck in a foggy daze, you could see a mischievous red glint in Miguel’s eyes as he wiggled his fat butt a bit.

“Even with all the signs I’ve left around this place like the rooms smelling awful, and your bathroom being a bit…Well, messier than usual, you must still be confused, right?” He chuckled softly. “Whether the case is, I think you already figured out what’s going to happen.”

bbbbbbbbbBBBBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTttttfffFFfFffRrRrRRrRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTTTTT!!

You could feel your hair being blown back as if you were using the world’s hottest, loudest and stinkiest hair dryer as Miguel released a strong, bassy and rumbling fart towards you. In less than a second, you felt your eyes and nose being fried thanks to the stench of rotten meat and unfiltered sewer as you gagged in disgust and fear, trying to break yourself free and escape. Once that fart came to an end after a few seconds, Miguel sighed softly as he fanned the smell of his gas towards you.

“Mm, hope you enjoyed that one. Oh what’s that? You’re trying to escape?” He said calmly as he watched you squirm like a worm before you took notice that your wrists were tied against each other with the phone cord you had in your hands a while ago before your nose was suddenly assaulted by Miguel’s foul gas filling your room, causing you to fall unconscious. You panted heavily as you looked up at his bright, crimson eyes. “Yeah, good luck trying to break yourself free. I made sure to tie that phone cord around your hands tight enough so that you won’t try anything funny. But hey, on the bright side, that means you’ll get to huff up more of what I have in store for you~”

bbbbBBbbBbbBbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!

VVVVVVVVVVVVRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPRRRRRLLLLLLRRRRPPPPPPPPSSSTTTRRRRRPPPPpppppp…ppppppfffFFFRTRTTRTRRRRT!!

This time, Miguel let out two farts that, while were somewhat shorter, did not shy away from the smell at all. In fact, they seemed to stink even worse, having a foul stench of rotten eggs that made your eyes water as you coughed without control. Even with the toxic green fog filling your view, you could see Miguel’s cloak lifting up with each explosive stinker he let out, giving you a pleasant view of his plumpy behind. To be frank, the weight of his ass alone was probably enough to leave you immobilized under him.

“Ahhh…Ay dios, do you have any idea how tough it is to hold all of these farts in? Almost makes me feel like a balloon about to pop.” He sighed deeply while patting his tummy, inching his ass closer to your face to the point your nose was wedged perfectly between his buttcheeks. You whimpered as your eyes rolled back, still in denial at how bad the smell was now that it was up close and personal. The spot between his cheeks felt so gross and swampy. “Good thing I called you tonight. I would’ve filled the whole neighborhood with my farts if I didn’t found you, so you better sniff it all up~”

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPRRRRRRRRVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!

Now that Miguel was literally using your face as a makeshift cushion, and your hands were completely tied up, you were entirely helpless as he kept torturing you with his noxious gas. It didn’t matter the sound or length of it, none of his farts were pleasant as they overwhelmed each one of your senses. You could taste the nasty flavor of rotten spicy food in your tongue, your eyes were steaming thanks to the intense heat and your nose felt runny as it was in pure agony with each rumbly toot Miguel let out. His ass even seemed to vibrate each time he let loose.

fffffFFFFFBBRRrrrbbBBPPLLBBPPPTTTT!

BBLLRRRRRRRRRfffrrrbbbBBBBBBFFFFPPTTTT!

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPpppppllllLLLLLLRRRRRRRNNNBBBBBBBBPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTTTT!!

“Nnn…Ugh, fuchi. You need to do a better job back there, it stinks~” Miguel taunted as he rubbed his ass all over your face, making sure his stench would never leave you and your nose. A frown appeared on his face as he saw you try to pull yourself away before he used a hand to push you deeper into his crack despite your whines that were drowned by the sounds of his noisy belly.

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!

vvvvvvvvbbbbbbrrrrrrrrfffrrrrrrrrlllllllllrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!

…And his swampy, juicy farts.

“Mmmnn, oof, that one felt a bit wet at the end…Really hope I didn’t stain anything.” He moaned as he playfully stuck out his tongue, teasingly fanning a hand in front of his face even if the stench of his disgusting gas was barely affecting him. “Hm, I think I heard you asking for more, didn’t you?”

Your eyes suddenly widened as you tried to shake your head. Your protests only muffled since your face was still wedged between the man’s killer asscheeks. Chuckling softly, Miguel simply lifted the back of his coat and placed your head under it before pushing you back into his crack, and with a loud grunt…

BBBBRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMBBBBPPFFFFBBBBBFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFLLLLRRRRRRRRRRRRRRBBBRRRRRBBLLRBBBBRRRLRLLLLRRRBBBBPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBBBBBBBBBPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!

He unleashed the nastiest fart of the evening. The stench completely shutting you down as you were reduced from panicked pleas to low whines and tired moans. You could feel Miguel’s asscheeks clapping against your face, like you were being hit repeatedly by a pair of stinky pillows that were stuffed to the brim with skunk fur. The smell of this fart was akin to a whole dumpster filled to the brim with used diapers and roadkill being set on fire, and then the charred remains were thrown away into a filthy sewer full of rancid waste. Even then, however, it was a miracle how that fart wasn’t enough to kill you. Sure, your nose was experiencing what was probably the closest thing Hell would smell like, but at least you didn’t go deaf by the sounds or became a goopy puddle due to the stench and intense heat.

Regardless if you were still kicking or not, by the time the 15 seconds of Miguel’s fart bomb  finally came to an end, you were completely numb and motionless. Your eyes were red and on the brink of shutting down, your hair was a total mess, and your face was covered in sweat; having an odd mix of color between green and red. Green because you were absolutely nauseous by the ungodly stench of Miguel’s nasty musk and yucky farts, and red because…

Because…You prefer to not think about it. Less so in your current situation.

Much to your relief, however, Miguel lifted up his cloak; finally freeing you from the hellish dutch oven he created.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!

Although, that didn’t stop him from releasing another eggy stench bomb all over you. Your eyes rolled back into your head before Miguel finally got off from your body. Despite the fact you were an inch from falling unconscious, you couldn’t take your sight away from his large, jiggly ass. His black robes were still doing a bit of a poor job in hiding his cheeks as he took a whiff of the putrid stench filling the air, only for him to cough as he waved a hand in front of his nose.

“Dios, que hedor. I think something I ate definitely didn’t sit well with me, because I'm sure I broke a record with that.” Miguel chuckled. “But sadly, that’s all I had in me. Too bad, really. I was starting to have fun…Oh well, guess that means your nose will be spared for tonight, but you can’t fool me. I can tell you loved this~”

You were too exhausted to respond to Miguel's cheeky comment as you watched him stretch a bit, getting ready to finally leave you be. He even untied your wrists, figuring that since you were in such a weak state, you wouldn’t even attempt to fight him. Regardless, you couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief at the fact this seemed to come to an end.

guuuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLlllllrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr….!!

“Gh!!”

But then, your eyes widened in pure horror as you watched Miguel clutching his stomach, which was gurgling and rumbling ominously like an active volcano ready to explode. 

“On second thought, it seems I still have one more left in here. Make sure to enjoy it. I know I will~” Miguel said with a smirk before bending over slightly to show off more of his plumpy ass. The sounds of his belly blurbing were deafening as he grunted while clenching his fists. “HhHNGH!”

FFFFFFFFFFBBBBBLloOooOoooooOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUuuUuUuUuUuuummMMMMMbbbbbbbbBBBBBBBBBMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBBBBBBBBBbpLpRRrRbbBlLLlrrrPBBpLbPPPpPPpprrrrrRRRRRLbBpBOOOORRRRRMRMBRRPLIOOOOOORBRRPLRRRRRPPPPPTTTT…BBBRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTTT!!!!

You didn’t even have time to let out a sound before you were blasted by that massive nuke of a fart that shook the entire foundations of the house and even knocked down a few stuff from the furniture. The paint from the walls even started to peel off due to the ungodly stench that your brain couldn’t comprehend, because no words in the human vocabulary would be enough to describe the hellish miasma Miguel was releasing, making one last dent to your already feeble sense of smell while he stuck out his tongue in a teasing way; clearly enjoying the sensation of relief that fart was giving him.

After only 30 seconds, which for you felt like hours, the gas finally stopped flowing out from his backside as you started to lose consciousness while lying limp on the couch. The whole room was filled to the brim with a noxious, brown, rancid fog that wouldn’t look too out of place in a horror movie, and as you watched Miguel put on his white, screaming mask and leave the scene (alongside his nasty, fat butt), you could hear him say some last words before you passed out.

“Feliz Halloween~ See you next year~”

FFFFFFRRRRRRRRTTT!

“Ahhh~”

[7kbuttcheeks2]

Out of all of your characters who do you think is

The hottest?

The stinkiest? (Farts, feet, armpits)

The gassiest?

The biggest bully?

kind of a tough one, a lot of characters I've based off a handful of "models" based on guys I know,

The "hottest" for me would be Mike (The Bet) or Andy (A New Life), being larger, beefy, blonde, hairy butt, very cuddly but their ass and gas is deadly

Stinkiest I'd think maybe Amad from Fraternity Fart Boy because I imagine him being a very hairy slob, but maybe someone more athletic and sweaty would fit like John from the Human Chair

Gassiest goes to Luke for having IBS and able to fart on command and loves tormenting weaker guys

Biggest Bully has to be Zack for using his family power and the threat of the legal system just to force a guy to be his fart slave lol

[froody]

I’m about to overshare on my child’s behalf on the Internet but Tommy’s gut microbiome got all sorts of fucked up after her antibiotic course and now she has the stinkiest nastiest rankest farts ever. This happened when she was a kitten on antibiotics and I’m going to have to buy more cat probiotics and give them to her but. She’s clearing out the room with her silent but deadlies. Noxious biohazardous cartoonish cloud of stench.

[30kinshasha66]

Did you know? Kate actually killed the thing by using her massive dummy thick cheeks to lure the thing to her location and used her massive asscheeks to conjur up the most stinkiest fart in mankind to light up her flamethrower killing it on impact

[fivetrench]

Do you guys want to meet my dogs? Yes, you do. Okay.

This is Jewels, I believe she is some sort of rodent or perhaps a large bug. She is a baby, turning two this november. She enjoys chewing on women’s underwear and is passionate about dismantling every item she can fit into her mouth. Another one of her hobbies includes screaming for no reason and producing the most alien noises I have ever heard come out of an animal. Certainly an interesting specimen.

This is Zebra, a stinky old grandma with a very intense need to cuddle 24/7. She is bothered by the other dogs barking and playing, and is also afraid of pretty much anything that makes noise. She has genuinely the most intense stare out of any dog I have met in my entire life. When she wants you to pet her, she will yell at and slap you until you rub her belly. She bears a striking resemblance to the porg things from star wars.

This is Chewbacca, who is also a stinky old fart, maybe even the stinkiest of them all. He enjoys sleeping 18 hours a day and eating anything he thinks is edible (sometimes he’s wrong). Nothing makes him more excited than dinner, he would probably actually kill someone if they got in the way of him eating his dinner. He smells horrible but is very cuddly and sweet.

Finally, this is Charlie. No idea what breed he is and even less of an idea of what species he is. My working theory is that he is a lizard or maybe even a snake. He is a bottomless pit who once ate an entire tub of butter spread, somehow managing to not get sick afterwards. He’s very hyper and aggressively affectionate. Kind of annoying but we love him anyways.

Thanks for reading, these things live in my house and now they will live in your brain.

[clumsyraccoon]

If you get this, answer w/ three random facts about yourself and send it to the last seven blogs in your notifs. anon or not, doesn’t matter, let’s get to know the person behind the blog! <33333 (if u wanna, no pressure!)

Asafghkldj sorry Bas it took me this long to answer! My brain always goes completely blank when asked to talk about myself 😂 but thank you so much for sending! ❤️

I can't smell. So yes, you can fart the stinkiest one near me and I would not even notice XD

Always had straight hair until second year of uni, when it randomly decided to become wavy/loosely coiled

I once had two little stick insects as pets (named The Long and The Lean).

[clouffy]

walked into the kitchen went uhhhhhhh ughhhh guhhgg I need to bother this thing and picked up my cat and then said I need to make this thing bother you and put him in my mom's face and then he farted the stinkiest fart ever