#the stars next my writing are my most used ones | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thankskenpenders · 10 months ago

Text

The Lara-Su Chronicles: Beginnings review

The day has finally come. Many, understandably, thought we'd never get here. Maybe we shouldn't have gotten here. We've been through so much. Lawsuits, reboots, redesigns, unreleased NFTs, empty legal threats over the fact that movie Knuckles has a dad, an attempt to license out Scourge the Hedgehog to fans that immediately got canceled (in both meanings of the term), and many, MANY idiotic Twitter controversies. But now, here we are.

Thirteen years after first announcing it in the middle of his legal battles with Archie and Sega that changed the American Sonic comics forever, former writer Ken Penders has released the first part of his new series: The Lara-Su Chronicles.

Yes. I had to buy the book. I had to take one for the team. Look at the fucking URL of this blog, a blog I've been using to talk about the American Sonic comics for nearly a decade while the specter of this book loomed in the distance. The one time I've actually been paid to write an article about anything in any professional capacity, it was an article about the Penders lawsuits. I'm cited on his Wikipedia page. There was no way I was going to skip reviewing this, and there was no guarantee that scans would ever turn up online given the incredibly small audience for this trash. (Only 166 people preordered this, and even that number feels way higher than it should be.) No, I had to preorder it to ensure I could get a copy and cover it for the blog... even if that meant my name would be forever immortalized in the list of "supporters" in the back of the book. These are the sacrifices I must make as a woman who stumbled ass backwards into being an amateur Archie Sonic historian.

So, what exactly is in this book? How much of it is new? How bad is it? How did we even get here in the first place? How can this exist without Sega pursuing legal action? What happens next? And, most importantly... why are there multiple depictions of an Archie Sonic character breastfeeding in this book?

I'm here to answer those questions as best I can, and in agonizing detail.

First, for those just tuning in to this decades-long saga or those who maybe don't know the full story, here's a refresher on the background info.

"What the hell is this?"

The Lara-Su Chronicles is Ken Penders' long-dreaded long-awaited continuation of his 1994-2006 run on Archie Sonic, ignoring everything written after he left by other writers like Ian Flynn. In particular, it picks up from the cliffhanger ending of the 2003-2004 arc "Mobius: 25 Years Later," which was set in what Ken considers the definitive canonical future of the series. It stars Knuckles' daughter from that future era, Lara-Su, among other new and returning characters. The project was first announced near the start of Ken's legal battle with Archie in 2011, and he's been posting WIP previews online for about a decade. Now, after all this time, a Lara-Su Chronicles book finally exists.

We'll get to the actual contents of that book in a bit.

"He can do that without getting in trouble with Sega?"

Believe it or not, yes, he can.

Thanks to the outcome of Archie Comics' woefully mismanaged lawsuits against Ken (yes, they sued him after he started filing for copyrights, not the other way around), he now has full legal ownership of every story he wrote for Archie Sonic and every character he created for the series. This was explicitly granted to him in the terms of the settlement between him and Archie (acting on behalf of Sega). He can even reprint his old Sonic material as-is to his heart's content. The main catch is just that he can't write new stories featuring Sega characters or trademarks, and his new stories also have to be distinct from Sonic at a glance to avoid confusing readers. As such, reprints can't use Sonic iconography on the cover, a few Sega characters (mainly Knuckles) have been renamed and slightly redesigned in the new stories, and the art style has been changed to less closely resemble Sonic. But otherwise, he can do whatever he wants with his own characters.

All of this is because Archie lost the original copy of Ken's work-for-hire contract that signed over the rights to his work. Without that (or any alternative that was considered permissible in court), his comics and characters are the property of their creator by default. Yes, those old comics are full of Sega stuff, but Sega doesn't automatically own the copyright for every drawing of Sonic in existence. And Sega put their stamp of approval all over those comics and let them get sold at retail for decades, even though (in the eyes of the court) there was no legal paperwork granting them ownership of any of it. It's almost like they were unwittingly distributing a fan comic for years and declaring it a fair use of their property, and now there's no takesies backsies. It's a strange and unique copyright situation. Again, they worked all this out in the settlement. And, yes, fans have long speculated that Ken stole and destroyed his own contract to regain the rights to his work, but frankly Archie was so incompetent throughout the lawsuit (it went so bad that they had to fire and replace their lawyers midway through) that I completely buy the idea of them just losing important legal documents.

Also, in case it needs to be spelled out: while Ken's a weirdo, it's ultimately a good thing for creatives everywhere that Archie lost their lawsuit against Ken. We do not want to live in a world where corporations can claim ownership of peoples' work without the contracts to back it up. That would be an incredibly dangerous legal precedent to set. And more comic creators, and artists in general, should own their own work! Corporations are not your friend! They'll delete your work for a tax write-off in a heartbeat! It's just bewildering that this guy, of all people, was the creator who ended up successfully getting his shit back, and that this is what he's doing with it.

"What about his old collaborators? Are they involved? Is he paying them?"

Ken is mostly doing The Lara-Su Chronicles solo, though he has, in fact, talked about compensating the artists involved in any material he's reprinting. The ones who give enough of a shit to get paid for a small scale reprint of something they did 20 years ago, anyway.

On the subject of his collaborators, it's also worth pointing out that Ken's wasn't the only contract that was lost. Most of the early Archie Sonic writers from before Ian Flynn's time seem to be in the same boat as Ken, with the ownership of their stories and characters defaulting back to them. Again, Archie fucked up big time. But like I said, most of them don't really seem to give a shit. For most of them, Sonic was just a random temporary gig they took to pay the bills while Marvel was busy going bankrupt in the '90s, not the thing that defined their entire careers.

The only other Archie Sonic contributor who's tried to do anything on the level of what Ken is doing was writer and editor Scott Fulop. In 2016 he attempted to sue Archie for the unauthorized use of what are now retroactively considered his copyrighted characters and stories, and he even announced a standalone comic about his most famous Sonic character, the recurring villain Mammoth Mogul (sort of a pastiche of DC's Vandal Savage and Marvel's Kingpin, with wizard powers added for spice). However, Fulop lost his lawsuit because he didn't put together a particularly compelling case. Since then he seems to have wiped all traces of his ill-advised Mammoth Mogul comic and his company, Narrative Ark Entertainment, from the internet. For now, this leaves The Lara-Su Chronicles the only project of its kind.

"What about those other Archie Sonic reprints he just announced?"

At the time of writing, Ken is once again claiming that he's trying to get the band back together to reprint all of Archie Sonic, now under the bad new banner "Floating Island Productions: MOBIAN LINE" that I can't imagine he consulted literally anyone else on.

So, like, look. As we've established, Ken can reprint his own stories. And if he can work something out with the other contributors whose contracts were lost, he can print their work, too. But there is no fucking way he's getting his hands on Ian Flynn's run, which Sega undoubtedly holds the copyright for. Even if they don't, Ian needs to maintain a good working relationship with both Sega and IDW if he's to keep his job, so he'd never go for this. Not to mention that Ian and Ken just... don't get along! Ken's whole plan here seems to be predicated on IDW going out of business (a thing he REALLY wants to happen) and freeing up the Sonic comic license, after which he knocks on Sega's door and goes "hey I've still got dirt on you guys," blackmailing them into giving him the Sonic license back so that he can reprint the later comics. Every step of this plan is ludicrous. It's never gonna happen.

He's been saying he wants to reprint the whole series for a few years now, though. This isn't really anything new. And despite his lofty plans that set Sonic Twitter ablaze, he quickly backpedaled. The only specific things in the works right now are a "two-volume omnibus" of all of his Knuckles stories and a collection of artist Scott Shaw's work on the very early Archie Sonic issues, since they're on good terms with each other. I have no idea how Ken plans on packaging these when he can't put any Sega characters or the Freedom Fighters on the covers, but these projects are small enough in scale that there's a decent chance they'll see the light of day. Scott Shaw only did like five issues. But anything beyond that? I'll believe it when I see it.

Or, y'know, this could've all just been a publicity stunt for his new book. I wouldn't put it past him. Let's just focus on the book that actually exists.

"So he finally did it? He made a whole Lara-Su book? It's out? He finished it??"

Yes and no.

The book that's out now is The Lara-Su Chronicles: Beginnings, a prologue for the series of seven graphic novels Ken somehow plans on making, even though it's taken him 13 years to put out literally anything new. I don't know whether or not this counts as book one of seven, because it only features 30 pages of new comics. 30.5 if I'm being generous.

Most of the book is actually just a reprint of his infamous Archie Sonic storyline "Mobius: 25 Years Later", which ran from issue #131 to #144 in 2003-2004. (Again, yes, he can reprint this, he just can't put Sonic on the cover.) Why's it infamous? Well, Ken had been building anticipation for this future era of the series for basically his entire run. We kept seeing King Sonic and Queen Sally from the future. Knuckles' entire backstory hinges on his dad having a vision of this future. Several years before Silver the Hedgehog was created, it was Lara-Su who was Sonic's equivalent to Future Trunks, the cool-looking child of one of the main characters who traveled back in time to try and prevent a dark future. Believe it or not, yes, there was hype for Lara-Su. And then we finally got M25YL, and none of that cool stuff happened. Instead it really ended up being about how unbearably boring the middle aged Sonic, Knuckles, Sally, and co. are in this peaceful future where Robotnik is dead and they're all married with kids, forced into traditional nuclear family gender roles. Lara-Su is present, but she mostly just does generic teen girl stuff and complains about how Knuckles won't let her do anything even though she REALLY wants to be the new Guardian of Angel Island, like, super bad! Come on, dad!!!

In its original printing, this meandering arc ended on an abrupt time travel cliffhanger that Ken was never able to follow up on before he left Archie in 2006. This new printing slightly changes that ending, using the unresolved timey-wimey shenanigans as a convenient excuse to alter the entire timeline. This creates the slightly different world of The Lara-Su Chronicles, where the few relevant Sega-owned characters have been replaced and everyone is ten times uglier.

After this, we finally get two short new stories picking up where M25YL left off: "The Storm," starring Acorn Kingdom super-spy and known creep Geoffrey St. John, and an early release of the first chapter of The Lara-Su Chronicles: Shattered Tomorrows, the first full TLSC graphic novel.

And now that we're all on the same page about what we're looking at, let's actually talk about the book!

The cover

Let's start by beating a dead horse. The cover art: it's still bad! But why is it bad?

The cover is, of course, based on Patrick Spaziante's cover from Archie Sonic #131, the start of the "Mobius: 25 Years Later" arc. (Ken did the layout for that cover, though, so in the eyes of the law he's the original creator who owns that cover.) That cover was, itself, a tribute to the iconic cover of Giant-Size X-Men #1 by Gil Kane and Dave Cockrum, the issue that introduced the version of the team with Wolverine, Storm, Nightcrawler, etc.

Ken seems to have forgotten that the point of both these covers was to hype up the arrival of a new cast of characters. The new guys are supposed to make a dramatic entrance front and center. That's the focal point. Meanwhile, the cover for Beginnings has the old timeline versions of the cast from Archie Sonic dramatically bursting out of a shattered crystal ball, while their new counterparts look on in mild bemusement - if they're even bothering to look at all, since most of the characters here are just copied and pasted from their profile pages. That's just not how you do this particular homage! The point is supposed to be "out with the old, in with the new." And why are they using a crystal ball to view the past? Hell, why are they even using a crystal ball at all? The original arc was presented as a magical vision of the future courtesy of Tails' uncle Merlin (don't ask), but the new story leans all the way into being futuristic sci-fi.

Of course, there is no real artistic intent at play here. The old versions of the characters are placed front and center in the crystal ball simply because Ken traced over Spaziante's original art of Lara-Su and Julie-Su (the only two characters on the Sonic cover he owns) and threw out the rest, ruining the composition in the process. Look at the awkward empty space where Sonic, Sally, and Rotor once were, and the new drawing of The Character Formerly Known As Knuckles who's no longer properly centered between his wife and daughter. Even if Ken can claim ownership of the cover because he did the original layout, this all just feels scummy and lame.

And, yeah, if it needs to be said, the new characters and Ken's new rendering style look like absolute fucking dogshit. Putting new Lara-Su directly next to old Lara-Su does her no favors. The shattered glass effect looks absolutely atrocious. I could go on, but we'll have plenty of time to talk about the art style when we see how bad the stories inside look.

Changes to "Mobius: 25 Years Later"

Overall, 99% of M25YL is presented identically to its original printing. Sonic, Sally, Knuckles, et al. are still present with no changes to their names and no tweaks to the art. Even the original cover for issue #131 is included only a few pages into this book with its Archie, Sonic, and Sega logos still intact and everything. Again, because of the weird copyright situation described above, these preexisting comics can be released without any changes.

There is exactly one bizarre change to the art, though, where a hand drawn shot of Angel Island is replaced with an unfitting photo background and the ugly Floating Island photobash that Ken has been using as his personal logo for decades. I think he only did this as part of a test for his motion comic app that nobody asked for. I don't know why this had to make it into the print version. It's like the book is firing a warning shot for what's to come if you keep reading.

The new content begins on the final page of M25YL. In the original wet fart of a cliffhanger ending, Sonic and co. accidentally alter the timeline with an old time machine of Robotnik's and Lara-Su begins to fade away. Then, after everything goes white, we just cut to the present day heroes going "gee, you ever think about the future?" In this new printing, that last bit has been cut, and the rest of the page has been awkwardly shrunk down so that Ken can fit in a new panel. We now see the hands of an off-screen villain, seemingly named "Override," proclaiming that "the Praetorian" (Knuckles) has messed up the timeline again and that they'll finally get their revenge.

Who is this Override? I have no fucking clue. The new stories in this book make no mention of them. You have to buy the next book to find out.

My confusion over the identity of this villain overlaps with another big problem: name changes. So many names and nouns have been arbitrarily changed in The Lara-Su Chronicles, even ones Ken didn't have to change for copyright reasons, and I only know what half of them are replacing because Ken's been tweeting about this shit for years.

The echidnas are now a totally original alien race called "the Echyd'nya." Even in flashbacks to events from M25YL attempting to mimic the old art style, if it's on a new comic page, they're gonna call themselves "Echyd'nya." Evil echidna faction the Dark Legion is now the "Cyberdark Dominion," hailing from the "Cyberdark Colony." The Brotherhood of Guardians is still the Brotherhood of Guardians, but now the main guardian is called "The Praetorian." Angel Island is still called "The Floating Island," like it was in the older Archie comics, but it's ALSO sometimes called "Avion"? When I read this I wasn't sure if he had randomly renamed Albion, the other echidna city from the Archie comics. But no. Now we have an Albion AND an Avion. Sally is mentioned simply as "Princess Acorn," while Sonic is referenced once as an unnamed "blue-spined Erinaceinae," using the scientific name for hedgehog to make it sound more sci-fi. In an incredibly ballsy move, Ken even mentions Robotnik as "the Insurrectionist Kintobor," retaining his original surname from the Archie comics that's just "Robotnik" backwards. Guess Sega never trademarked that one.

Aside from every name change being a downgrade, this leads to confusion when you're not sure if something is supposed to be new, or if it's just an Archie thing you're supposed to recognize despite having a new name and design. Is "Override" someone I'm supposed to know already? Am I just supposed to have read a fucking tweet from Ken where he said he changed the name of some existing villain to "Override"? The answer is no, but I had to term search his Twitter just to verify this.

Moving on!

New story #1: "The Storm"

If you've been following the WIPs, this is that story about Geoffrey St. John that Ken's been posting previews of for almost a decade. The title page copyright dates it to 2015, and that absurdly long gestation is probably why the art is so inconsistent here. Even the style of speech bubbles and the font change between pages two and three.

This is a problem when there's supposed to be a deliberate and noticeable change in art style here signaling the moment where the time travel stuff alters the timeline, replacing the Archie Sonic world with the Lara-Su Chronicles world. If you don't already know that's what's going on, the idea isn't conveyed clearly at all. It just goes from one hideous art style to a slightly different one with no explanation.

The main problem here is that Ken has hitched his wagon to a franchise about anthropomorphic animals when he can't draw furries to save his life. (Though a bit later in the book we'll also begin to wonder if he can even still draw humans.) He's shifted away from the cartooniness of the original designs and given them more human proportions and facial features, but this just ends up making them look incredibly uncanny and lumpy and gross. With some designs he's trying to lean into more of a Star Trek alien vibe, but then he still insists upon retaining the giant Sonic eyes on most characters even though he has no idea how to make them emote.

The rendering of these godawful designs doesn't do them any favors, either. Ken's going for more of a painterly look now, but it almost seems as though he's shading everything with Photoshop's burn and dodge tools that are designed to darken and lighten select areas of a photo. The result is a muddy, smudgy look that makes it feel like the color layer has been smeared in vaseline. And it only looks worse after coming off of 14 chapters of M25YL that have way more palatable art.

The backgrounds, too, are a complete mess, a jumble of low res jpeg photo elements (sometimes with extremely noticeable pixelation), stock textures, and smooth digital gradients. There's no real sense of place here, and it gives everything a surreal, dreamlike quality when you can't really tell where anything is supposed to take place. This first story is seemingly set in a high-tech stronghold below Castle Acorn called "the Bunker," but it could just as easily be confused for the bridge of a spaceship. This whole story features characters speaking to each other over floating video displays and hologram projectors from three different locations, but without a hologram effect and without a clear sense of where the characters are it often feels like they're just in the same room as each other. Characters will be in one location on one photo background, and then the camera angle changes and they're in a completely different place, because Ken just uses mismatched photos off of the internet. It's been like 25 years since he first tried using photo backgrounds in the Archie comics and he hasn't gotten any better at it.

When I had my boyfriend read the book to see if it made literally any sense to him (it didn't), Anthony said this: "This is the kind of shit I'd see linked on a Second Life world that hasn't been touched since 2004." I think he really hit the nail on the head. Now, there's actually a contrarian part of me that thinks that might theoretically almost be kind of cool, in sort of a messy counterculture way. I love weird indie shit. I was a Homestuck reader! But this isn't a scrappy mixed media zine, or experimental outsider art from someone just messing around with Photoshop, or a loving throwback to weird old internet art, or even something intentionally bizarre and offputting like Xavier: Renegade Angel or a PilotRedSun video or whatever where the fact that it's weird and ugly is part of the humor. This is supposed to be a sincere sci-fi epic drawing on Star Trek and Jack Kirby comics, made by a guy who's been drawing comics professionally since the '80s. This is supposed to look good. This is supposed to compete with mainstream comics that are on sale right now. He thinks any day now IDW's gonna go out of business and Sega will come crawling back to him so that he can stamp the Sonic logo on shit like this. It just doesn't work.

But, okay. It's ugly. We knew it would be ugly. But that ugliness would be much easier to accept if it was in service of an otherwise genuinely good story. So what about the writing? After all this time, how does Ken choose to kick off this new saga? Well, credit where credit's due. "The Storm" feels like a proper continuation of Ken's writing style from M25YL.

Because it's eleven pages of characters standing around and talking while nothing fucking happens.

Here's the synopsis: A dog woman named Brownie, an ensign in the Royal Secret Service fresh out of training and the only character who's almost cute, walks up to Geoffrey to deliver a report. He's immediately suspicious of her, asking who let her in and if she's a spy for Elias (Sally's brother, if you're new here) or Alicia (Sally's mom). The art style suddenly shifts when the timeline is altered, but the scene continues uninterrupted. Geoffrey points a gun at Brownie when she won't say whose spy she is. Geoffrey is distracted by a call and proceeds to have a conversation via a mix of holograms and video screens with Remington (head of Echidnaopolis security), Spectre (Knuckles' great great great great great grandpa, the one with the helmet who always looks evil), and a new scientist character named Dr. Zephyr/Zephur. (The spelling of this character's name changes multiple times throughout the 11-page story, because I guess nine years wasn't enough time to spellcheck this shit.) They say a bunch of made up technobabble nonsense about how it looks like the timeline was just altered and Knuckles and co. seem to be involved. It's complete drivel that I'm not even going to try to make sense of. Everyone decides to investigate further, and the conversation ends. Brownie tells Geoffrey she's his spy, then walks out and implies she's actually Alicia's spy in her inner monologue.

To be continued!!!

Yes, that's it. It's really just a bunch of technobabble where some characters talk about how it seems like the timeline has been fucked with. That's it. The whole time Geoffrey doesn't even get up out of his damn chair, which he's of course sitting in backwards to show how cool he is. It's just 11 pages of Geoffrey sitting in a chair and talking to people and looking uglier than he's ever looked. Nothing happens. Nine years for this.

I'm also struck by how meaningless all of this is to anyone who hasn't read Archie Sonic. The added context from M25YL may help a little, but "The Storm" focuses on characters who weren't in that arc, and the story does very little to introduce who any of them are. Brownie could've been super useful as an inexperienced point of view character who's only meeting the others for the first time here, but instead she's really just a passive observer who's here as part of some kind of 4D chess game between Geoffrey and Alicia, an off-screen character whose motivations in this era of the story are completely unknown to even returning readers. Who are the good guys and bad guys here? What are the conflicts and the stakes of the story moving forward? What do these characters want? Basic questions like this aren't really answered. I can't imagine a new reader being able to make heads or tails of this. Hell, I can't really imagine a returning reader who hasn't been following the last decade's worth of Ken's tweets about this story making heads or tails of it, either.

...Maybe more will happen in the next story?

New story #2: Shattered Tomorrows preview chapter

After another message from Ken, the story of The Lara-Su Chronicles proper begins with the redesigned Lara-Su walking along a jpeg photograph beach at sunset and crying while thinking about how Knuckles - sorry, his name is K'Nox now - is dead.

Yep! Straight into the dad stuff!

Look, I'm the last person to complain about writers getting super personal and drawing from their own baggage in their writing, but Ken's just no fucking good at it. There's no nuance, nothing interesting to say. He just keeps writing mediocre-to-horrible dads whose misdeeds are always justified by their "good intentions," and then sometimes they die and their kids are like "we may have fought but actually you were the bestest dad ever and I'll miss you forever, I'll never be able to fill your shoes!"

This is the only part of the new material here that feels like it has any heart behind it, because I know how much his complex relationship with his late deadbeat father means to Ken (there's an author's note in this outright saying as much). But the guy died 42 years ago, and it doesn't feel like Ken has had any new thoughts about this part of his life in those four decades. He's just not an introspective or self-aware enough artist to actually mine his personal baggage for anything beyond "father knows best."

Anyway, so then it jumps forward in time(?) and now we're following this human guy who looks like this.

Previously, Ken got a lot of shit for literally just using the likeness of Anthony Mackie for this guy, based on his IMDB profile photo. Ken has thus redesigned the character... and by that I mean I think he looks more like Ernie Hudson now? Ken's clearly just working off of photo references (if not straight up tracing), given his face is the most detailed and realistic-looking thing on any page where he's present.

But you may be wondering: who is this, and why is he here? Well, for one, he's here to run around in front of some low res space photos while making trite references to things like Planet of the Apes and Star Trek. Haha, he makes a joke about red shirts! Original!! But beyond that, Commander Mykhal Taelor (yes, that's really how he chose to spell it) is a human... from Earth! Archie Sonic readers are probably confused, because in those comics Mobius is Earth in the distant post-apocalyptic future. Well, despite being a Planet of the Apes fan, Ken always hated that particular worldbuilding decision from Karl Bollers, always preferring to think of Mobius as a separate alien planet. And now he gets to make that canon in his own stories and throw out Karl's ideas. So Mobius is basically just, like, a Star Trek planet now, with its own alien creatures that sometimes just so happen to look like anthropomorphic Earth animals.

Also, at one point Taelor wonders if the inhabitants of the dead Mobius might have been human, and the alien ally he's talking to over the radio says it's unlikely. "I don't understand why your kind has a problem understanding you're a minority within a minority." Perhaps poor wording for a line said to the only Black character in the story.

Anyway, Commander Taelor here seems to have discovered the uninhabited husk of Mobius after the vague time-space cataclysm everyone was worried about in M25YL has come to pass, and he finds an audio log from Lara-Su that I presume will explain what happened. I guess those are the titular Lara-Su Chronicles. In theory this flash forward establishes some sense of pressing danger, but when the threat to the planet is so unclear and technobabble-y it just kind of lands with a thud.

It doesn't take long before we get back to Lara-Su being sad about her dad. A good little chunk of the chapter is spent with this new timeline's Lara-Su recalling moments in her life, including echoes of the original Lara-Su's memories from M25YL, which feels redundant coming hot off the heels of a straight reprint of that entire arc. And boy, for anyone who read the later Archie Sonic comics, the protagonist having vague memories of the old version of the series from before a lawsuit-related timeline reboot sure does sound familiar, huh?

The art inconsistency somehow becomes even worse in this story, with Ken flip-flopping on whether or not he wants to use outlines, with the no-outline art managing to look even worse by relying entirely on Ken's awful rendering. By this point in the book, readers are also likely to start noticing how often Ken reuses art from previous panels. This is a shortcut that tons of comic artists use, of course. Invincible famously did a joke about this. It's often understandable. But, again... it sure does stand out in a book that took 13 years to make with only 30 pages of new art. Amusingly, Ken even manages to combine his inconsistency and recycling problems by reusing the same art with and without outlines. And, of course, any time Ken tries to draw the Archie era designs it's just... the worst.

And, yes, it's in this dreamlike montage sequence of Lara-Su's life that we get...

The uncomfortable family nudity scene, followed by the dual timeline Julie-Su breastfeeding scene.

Yeah, you might have heard about this one already. If this incredibly eerie presentation of Lara-Su's hazy memories of the two different timelines make it hard to tell what's going on, don't worry. There's another, clearer version later in the book as part of Julie-Su's character profile, because I guess Ken was just so proud of it.

(I censored these myself because I'm not playing Russian roulette with Tumblr's inconsistent nudity rules and risking getting banned lmao)

Like, okay. Is a mother breastfeeding her child really that shocking of a thing to see in a story? No, not at all. But, like... when it's two characters who you previously created for an officially licensed Sonic the Hedgehog comic for 7-year-olds... and some of those officially licensed Sonic the Hedgehog comics for 7-year-olds are reprinted in the same book... and when it's drawn like this... yeah, it's kind of a shocker.

It just looks so unnatural. Julie-Su is posed very deliberately so that you'll see both of her breasts, and in the new timeline version she's barely even holding Lara-Su so you can really get a good look at her supermodel body, showing zero physical signs that she just gave birth. Most people will immediately jump to this being Ken putting his fetishes in his work (a type of criticism that I'm incredibly tired of - it's 2024, all the cool artists are blatantly putting their fetishes in their work now). And my immediate response is that, no, this is probably just Ken trying to come off as really mature on a surface level, a thing he's been obsessed with since the Archie days. Free from the shackles of writing a licensed children's comic, of course he's going to jump immediately into depicting some nonsexual, artistic nudity to try and prove he's A Real Mature Artist For Grown-Ups who just thinks the human body is beautiful and breastfeeding shouldn't be a taboo etc. etc.

But then, like. You look at some of the other character designs. Like Espio's daughter Salma, who's now this horrifying alien lizard person who's always nude, and her scale pattern puts scales exactly where her nipples should be. Or you look at his comments about the Echyd'nya age of consent. Or you look at how he keeps drawing Lara-Su in this. Like, does the shuttle really need this, like... reverse chaise lounge thing in the cockpit? So that we can keep getting these shots of the 16-year-old Lara-Su lying on her stomach and posing with one of her legs kicked up, her naked ass in plain view?

The vibe isn't great, is what I'm saying!

I'm not going to try to ascribe authorial intent here. I don't know. I'm not a psychic. Given his very blatant reliance on photo references elsewhere in the book, it's entirely possible he just referenced some figure drawing photos that were maybe just a little too sexy. And also, he's an American comic book artist, and a boomer one at that. Those guys tend to draw women a certain way, even when it's not supposed to be sexual. I don't fucking know. It just sucks. I'm not gonna make some hyperbolic statement about how this makes him a literal pedophile who should be in jail, but it is deeply offputting and objectifying.

But if you already knew about the nursing scenes and were hoping there was some other really shocking stuff in there for me to talk about in this review, sorry to disappoint, but nope. That's the only shockingly weird new thing in here. Once again, not a lot happens in this story, and what does happen is pretty boring.

Once we get past the recap stuff and the human guy, the plot developments boil down to this: The timeline was altered at the end of M25YL... but not as much as you might think. In the new timeline, Knuckles ("K'Nox"), Cobar (now looking significantly younger), and Rotor (now a rhino just called "The Emissary") still traveled via shuttle to go find a time machine in the Badlands and fix the time-space continuum, like in the climax of the original arc. This time, though, Sonic wasn't there, and Lara-Su came along without having to stow away. Lara-Su watches the ship while the grown ups go deal with the time machine, and then after a couple panels Not Rotor comes back with Cobar and is like "Hey, Cobar got hurt, we gotta leave. Dunno what happened to your dad." And then they just, like. Presume that Knuckles must have died. Even though we have no idea what happened to him. And then they just fly away. And then Lara-Su is sad that her dad died.

And that's pretty much it!

This is supposed to be a really emotional sequence - it's literally the scene where Lara-Su learns that Knuckles is dead - but instead it comes off as unintentionally funny because of how poorly it's portrayed. Not showing Knuckles' actual disappearance is a huge misstep, for one, making his uncertain fate more confusing and anticlimactic than dramatic. But also, Ken keeps just using the same two drawings of Rotor for two pages, so he doesn't really seem to be emoting at all, and he's in this spacey hazmat suit that honestly just makes him look like fucking Moltar from Space Ghost. So the whole time I'm just reading his dialogue in Moltar's deadpan voice as he's like "I dunno. We did what we could. Anyway, let's leave."

After this, we get a two-page spread previewing the rest of the story from Shattered Tomorrows. It's basically like a trailer in comic form. It has one of the most mystifying layouts I've ever seen in a comic book. I have no idea what order I'm supposed to read this in.

Yeah, I kinda have a feeling this is the full extent of what Ken has drawn for the rest of that book. I'd love to be wrong, but I fear that I'm right.

Bonus material: Data files

These are mostly very dull, recapping a lot of events shared between Ken's Archie run and the new Lara-Su Chronicles timeline. It seems like almost his entire run is still considered canon to the backstory of the new timeline, just with some names changed, and things only really diverge at the climax of M25YL. But I'll share the interesting stuff here.

Lara-Su

The main thing you'll notice in Lara-Su's profile is the massive, unreadable wall of text where Ken felt the need to list the entire Knuckles family tree, split across both pages.

This is literally so long that Lara-Su's personal history has to awkwardly cut off mid-sentence and be continued on the final page of the book, after the rest of the data files.

Also, please note that this list gives Julie-Su's mom's full name as Mari-Su of the House of Atrades. Incredible on all levels.

There's also a reference to the dark timeline Lara-Su was originally supposed to come from. You know, the one where Julie-Su is the leader of a rebel movement fighting against a Knuckles who had gone mad with power? The timeline that would have been way more interesting than the one in M25YL? Here it seems to have been written off as the result of another "timeline disruption." Lara-Su allegedly has vague memories of this timeline, in the same way that she has vague memories of the M25YL timeline.

Geoffrey

Geoffrey's bio mostly recaps events from the Archie comics, which means the Sonic/Sally/Geoffrey love triangle has to be alluded to. His rivalry with Sonic is described like this:

"He would later resurface when Kintobor was transporting his latest hi-tech weapon, the Dynamac-3000. It was during that mission he discovered a rival for the Princess' affections. Whereas the Princess would be one of a line of conquests where St. John was concerned, the blue-spined Erinaceinae who protested doth a bit too much regarding his affections for the Princess for St. John's taste would prove to be a source of great sport and amusement."

Yes. It's gross. Saying that Geoffrey saw Sally as "one of a line of conquests" is gross. Ken writing this and then still treating Geoffrey as the coolest badass ever is gross. The "Princess Acorn" is also first on the list of Geoffrey's "female relationships" elsewhere in his bio, though I suppose how much of a "relationship" they had is left vague. Honestly, at this point the fact that Ken didn't explicitly confirm that Geoffrey took the underage Sally's virginity in the book comes off as a display of restraint. The bar couldn't be any lower, I know.

Remington

His bio is, frankly, shockingly long for such a minor character, though I guess he does get a large portion of the word salad dialogue in "The Storm." There's a lot of stuff here about how the identities of his biological parents are shrouded in mystery, a plot point that fans have long speculated Ken just straight up forgot about in his time at Archie. (Ian confirmed that Kragok from the Dark Legion was Remington's dad, though, so this isn't really much of a mystery.)

Lien-Da

She gets a bio even though she's not present in the two new stories, just so we get to look at her awful new design and compare it to how Steven Butler drew her earlier in the book:

Commander Taelor

We get to see two drawings of him with the same exact Ernie Hudson face side by side! That's fun.

Julie-Su

She gets a list of "known friends," but the only character listed is Knuckles' mom. Poor Julie-Su.

Also, Ken feels the need to reiterate that Knuckles and Julie-Su are still distant cousins. He made a whole new timeline where he can change whatever details he wants, but THAT had to remain canon. Thanks, Ken.

And then after the data files we get the special thanks page, listing everyone who preordered the book and/or bought TLSC merch from Ken.

With my name on the list. Because I had to buy a copy to cover it for the blog.

My name is on the very next page right after the breastfeeding panel in Julie-Su's data file.

Yep. He got me.

Is it at least a well put together book? Like, in terms of manufacturing quality?

Its physical quality is... fine. It's a nice, sturdy hardcover. The print quality seems fine, though mine does have a bit of smudging from some sort of printing error on one page. The pages don't seem like they'll fall out on me. The image quality is crisp. The colors are vibrant. This is a low bar, but this is one of the few places where I'm able to give this book anything resembling praise.

The formatting and graphic design work, on the other hand...

(I didn't crumple those page corners, it came like that.)

For one, the placement and sizes of the M25YL pages is inconsistent, largely due to the fact that the book doesn't actually match the proportions of a comic. A lot of pages aren't properly centered vertically. Some pages go all the way up to the top edge of the paper, while others leave a visible gap of about half a centimeter. Every page has a 1cm gap to its left and right, which is sometimes filled in with a solid color or gradient that doesn't quite match the page it's surrounding. I have to assume Ken didn't have any sort of source files or original artwork to work off of, as those ideally would've had more generous bleed to account for slight shifts in printing. It kind of seems like he just got the highest resolution versions he could find of the digital releases online and printed those. The colors are a dead ringer for the digital versions, which have always looked slightly more saturated and pastel than they did in print.

I can't say this bodes well for his further plans for Archie Sonic reprints - sorry, Mobian Line reprints. If they ever come out, please, for the love of god, do not buy those. I don't care how much you love Archie Sonic, they aren't going to be good reprints. For comparison, IDW's similarly priced hardcover Sonic collections have none of these formatting problems, because they're made by people who know what they're doing with access to the actual source files.

The book also has its fair share of text-focused pages, split between the data files and messages directly from Ken about the history of his career and this project, and these are formatted in the most amateurish way possible. Just massive walls of Arial text over either plain white backgrounds, simple gradients, or faded photos. I've seen school yearbooks with better graphic design. Even ignoring my subjective feelings about the art and stories within, this book does not feel like it's worth $36 USD.

It's frankly shocking how shabby he let this thing look considering it's supposed to be his baby. And doesn't that really sum it all up?

Closing thoughts

Obviously, I did not expect this to be any good. But I'm still left kind of dumbfounded by it.

I think what really strikes me about it is that Ken had a blank check to do whatever he wanted here. He got an opportunity many writers would kill for when he gained complete ownership of his most famous work. He's free from the limitations of a monthly licensed comic book for children, free to make whatever creative decisions he wants without editors or other writers or Sega to worry about, free to completely reinvent the series to his heart's content and finally tell the story of his dreams. And with that opportunity and 13 years of his time, he made... this. A direct continuation of "Mobius: 25 Years Later" that barely changes anything about the characters or world beyond their awful new designs, even though much of the word count is spent rambling about how the timeline has changed. A story that makes zero concessions for new readers, or even returning readers who don't already have the last decade's worth of Ken's tweets explaining his creative decisions burned into their memory. 30 pages where nothing really happens and the story barely moves forward an inch despite the decades-long wait - but maybe something will happen if you buy the next book!

Who is this for? Maybe this really is a project for no one but Ken. Maybe he just really, really wants to finish the story he started, a story that's personal to him due to the family history it evokes, and the number of people who enjoy it or buy it beyond that is irrelevant. I think that many of the best artists are incredibly self-indulgent ones working with that exact mindset, artists whose enthusiasm for their own work jumps off the page or screen. So, if that's the case, then why the fuck isn't he telling the damn story? What's stopping him? Why is he still spinning his wheels? Where is that passion for his own work? Because it sure as hell isn't there on the page. There's a huge part of me that really wishes I could say "Man, what a weirdo, but you do you, Ken. You tell your weird little story." But there's barely any story here. It's like he loves styling himself as a storyteller, but he's terrified of finally having to actually tell a story after all this time. He's still stuck in the exact same mode of writing he was in almost 30 years ago when he was doing 6-page backup stories about Knuckles, just killing time and stringing readers along until he's eventually able to truly realize his vision. If not now, then when, Ken?

Even the back cover blurb is mostly just a dry recap of the history of this thing. It was a Sonic comic, the original arc was published in these issues, it went unfinished, Ken left Archie, the lawsuits happened, now he's continuing the story. There's nothing about why anyone should give a shit about this as its own story, even though Ken has spent years trying in vain to convince people TLSC is its own beast that shouldn't be judged as a Sonic story. I think deep down he knows that there's no pitch for this beyond the novelty of it originating from Sonic. And that's why, despite declaring that he'd leave the site, he's still on Twitter riling up Sonic fans. It's the only attention he gets at this point.

Maybe this is too harsh when those 30 pages of new comics are just intended as a preview for the "real" book. But the elephant in the room is that we have no idea if that "real" book will ever actually come out, let alone the entire series of seven graphic novels that will supposedly complete this saga.

Ken is undeniably a complete jackass and all around unpleasant, vindictive person who's rightly become an industry pariah. He's a self-proclaimed paragon of progressive values who'll send Comicsgaters after his successors for the crime of not worshiping the ground he walks on, and then turn around and announce he's going to reprint their work without even consulting them. He's a sore winner who already won his copyright battle on a level most comic writers would never dare to dream of, and yet still won't truly be satisfied until he sees an entire major comic publisher go out of business, putting god knows how many people out of work, because he thinks this would get him back the license to a video game franchise he doesn't even like.

But I still have to pity him.

As an artist, the trajectory of his life is my nightmare. I think all of us fear dying before we can tell all the stories we want to tell. There's simply never enough time to do everything. And here's Ken in his 60s, talking about how he's still planning on making his magnum opus all by himself out of stubbornness and pride, despite demonstrably proving he can't handle the workload, and also talking about how if he dies before the project can be finished he'll have to pass the torch on to his kids and get them to finish it for him. It's so grim. Even just typing that sends a shiver down my spine. It took nine years of his limited time on Earth to finish and release an 11-page comic about Geoffrey St. John sitting backwards in a chair.

This is a purgatory of his own creation. And yet... I'm not sure he's ever been prouder. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.

I guess if I want people to take anything away from this review, it's this:

Lesson one: If you're an artist or writer of some kind, or an aspiring creator, don't wait around. No one else is going to tell your story for you. Start writing that novel. Start drawing that webcomic. Start making that game. If Penders can put out this damn book that no one asked for after 13 years of work, then proudly proclaim that he's still going to make six or seven more books and also reprint hundreds of comics he doesn't have all of the rights to, then show up to cons with that foul Lara-Su Chronicles: Shattered Tomorrows banner and sit in front of it beaming with pride, fully aware of his critics but saying "fuck 'em, I know I'm hot shit," then you can do fucking anything. Tell the weird, sincere, cringe story of your dreams. If Ken Penders doesn't have imposter syndrome, then nobody should.

And lesson two: Don't buy Ken's books.

#tkp post #tlsc #tlsc beginnings

6K notes · View notes

scarlet-star-witch · 10 months ago

Text

The moon and his sun

Aemond Targaryen x Female reader

Summary: People would remember their story. Even decades after they were gone, Septa’s would tell young children about the one-eyed dragon prince and his sweet wife as if they were a part of a fairytale, too good to be true for the harshness real life possessed.

Aemond meets a young girl who quickly becomes his most cherished friend and changes the course of history.

Word count: 11.5 K

Warnings: Fluffy, Aemond finally makes a friend, characters will be aged up next chapter, reader is from a made-up house

AN: This is my first time writing for HOTD and I'm excited and terrified to share this story with you. I've had this idea in my head for so long and decided to finally get it out. Hope you enjoy xx

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Epilogue

He was used to playing for second best.

In his short life he became used to disinterested gazes, murmurs of his supposed cold heart and fits of rage, avoidant steps when he passed, the curse he possessed as the scarred second son.

But never from her.

She looked at him as though he put the stars in the sky. She looked at him as if he was the reason the sky bloomed with breathtaking colors in the early morning.

He felt himself unworthy of her attention and affection, something she was aware of, and she would hold him and tell him all the love she gave him was very much deserved.

It was a sentiment he always had trouble not disputing instantly.

She made his miserable heart full.

Aemond couldn’t believe his luck himself for the sun that entered his world and brightened his life.

He never believed he was worthy of her love.

And she spent her entire life trying to prove him wrong.

It was a beautiful, sunny, cloudless day.

A day Aemond was dreading.

It wasn’t often their family made trips away from King’s Landing. His father was King and most visitors made the effort to come to the Capitol and spare them the effort of a visit, but a sudden trip had their entire family uproot their usual routine and he found himself hating every moment of it.

Being dragonless, he was left to endure the crashing waves of the sea that made his stomach turn.

“This place is disgusting.” Aegon said the moment they landed on solid ground.

“Aegon.” His mother admonished with a steady glare. “The Ixtal Islands are a beautiful place and they’re home to one of the most powerful houses in the seven kingdoms. You would do well to show them some respect.”

“Not like they’ll offer me anything of importance.” He muttered bitterly. Rumors had spread of his mother and father’s desire to wed him to his sister Heleana, his future already planned for him.

His mood was immediately soured at the realization that none of the beauties he saw on the Island shore were his intended, but that wouldn’t stop him from having his fun.

“Why are we even here?” Aegon whined immaturely, making his mother suppress yet another eye roll in response.

“The Lord of Ixtal is an old friend of your father.”

“I still don’t understand why that demands my presence here.” Aegon rolled his eyes.

“Our council is in need of a new Master of Coin and your father is considering his dear friend. We are here for negotiations and our family is nothing if not loyal. Your father, our King, needs us.” Alicent answered shortly.

Aemond was excited to finally see the Island he had read so much about. He knew their history, their riches and goods they traded with the entirety of the realm. The Ixtal Islands were the most plentiful and prosperous house in the realm and he was in awe to see his readings come to life before him.

It was the socialization he dreaded.

Nobles would look at Aegon with respect, respect he didn’t deserve even being the first born son of the King. Helaena would be regarded with reverence, a comparison to the Realm’s Delight.

But he was nothing more than a second son, easily brushed over.

Daeron was still just a babe, too young to understand the slight they possessed not having been born first, but Aemond understood all too well.

Their family was escorted into a grand throne room and Aemond was in awe of the intricate ornaments that decorated the hall and he briefly wondered why King’s Landing was where the most powerful man in the realm sat when this place existed.

His wide eyes eagerly took in every sight in front of him, admiring how the vast forest behind the castle casted a mystical green glow on the room from the giant window sitting behind the intricate gold throne.

“Viserys!” A cheerful voice called and for the first time in a long time, Aemond heard his father laugh, a genuinely delighted sound as he embraced his friend.

Aegon shared a brief look with him, his shock at hearing his father's laughter clear in the way he furrowed his brows in bitterness.

“It’s been too long, my friend.”

“Alicent, always a delight to see you, my dear.”

Aemond noted the blush on his mother’s cheeks as the charming lord embraced her. He shifted on his feet as his siblings were introduced. He knew what came next, the flippant dismissal was familiar yet it stung each time.

He looked up as the Lord shook hands with Aegon and gave Helaena a polite nod, her body language giving him the signal she wasn’t comfortable with anything else.

As he stepped in front of Aemond, he suddenly felt two feet tall under the man’s gaze. Until he smiled. It was a gesture filled with warmth he hadn’t been expecting.

“Aemond, a strong name for a strong lad.” The lord clapped his shoulder and Aemond felt his body straighten, his confidence reappearing the second he realized he wasn’t going to be passed over yet again.

He looked up at the Lord with a smile, feeling more respected by the stranger in front of him than he ever had from his own father.

“You remember my wife,” The Lord gestured to a finely dressed woman who smiled and bowed to them courteously.

“My son and-” The lord stopped abruptly, suddenly noticing the absence of the person who was supposed to be next in line and looked to his wife who was already wincing, having expected the abrupt drop in conversation due to their eldest daughter’s absence.

“My apologies, my daughter has lived here all her life yet still feels the need to explore.” The Lady of Ixtal explained, the lack of anger in her voice that gave way to begrudging acceptance made it obvious this was a common occurrence.

Viserys laughed and looked at his friend.

“You could not possibly think your children would give you any trouble, would you?” He chided sarcastically to the Lord who could only laugh in delight at his beloved daughter’s antics.

Aemond watched the interaction with wide eyes, intrigued by the sense of ease that surrounded everything.

If they were in King’s Landing and he was late to an event, his mother would have his hyde.

Suddenly, the great doors slammed open and an armored knight was seen running into the room, his hand latched onto someone small who was giggling in delight.

“My Lord, My Lady, I am so sorry, she wanted-”

“It’s quite alright, Ser Jerrod. I know my daughter could not have made it easy for you.” The Lord dismissed the unnecessary apology and smiled down at his daughter who smiled somewhat sheepishly as she passed by to take her place in line.

She smoothed her hands down the front of her silk dress and stood straighter, putting on the air of the perfect and primed daughter, as if they hadn’t all just seen her enter in a tizzy five minutes late.

Her mother looked down at her and leaned over her brother’s shoulder to pluck a leaf from her disheveled hair. Her eyes widened slightly, fearing retribution for her antics, but her mother only raised a teasing brow, silently admonishing her.

The girl brushed her messy hair off her shoulder and finally moved her gaze to their guests, a smile coming to her face as she met the eyes of the silver haired boy in front of her.

Aemond was rooted to his spot, his expression one of perplexed confusion. The smile she sent him, the gesture which was so simple - and usually faked by most at court - was blinding.

He was taken aback by the fact that she hadn’t looked at the powerful presence that was the King or the Queen faithfully at his side. She hadn’t looked at Aegon, Daeron or even Helaena, the only girl close to her age in the room.

She looked at him first.

She smiled at him first.

It was a gesture that wouldn’t mean much to anyone else, but to him, it meant everything, it lifted the veil of neglect he was so familiar with from his shoulders, leaving him to feel lighter than before.

He listened as the Lord introduced his daughter and he ran her name over and over in his head, feeling his cheeks heat, a blush easily coming to his face as she greeted everyone, but her stare came back to him, smiling shyly.

“This place is beautiful.” Helaena spoke dreamily as she took in their surroundings.

They were granted leave to look around while the servants prepared to set up the welcome feast.

Aemond couldn't take his eyes off the white sand and the crystal blue water. He breathed deeply, relieved to smell nothing but fresh flowers and ocean water and not the filth that permeated King’s Landing.

“Father should take over this place.” Aegon mused, earning looks of disdain from his siblings, which he easily shrugged off. “What? It’s much better than our shithole of a home.”

Aemond rolled his eyes at his brother’s crass nature and kept walking, praying Aegon would somehow get lost or at least get bored of his company and leave.

The sound of a loud laugh caught all of their attention and they walked their way through the lavish gardens to find it. Aemond suddenly became nervous as he saw the children of the Lord and Lady of Ixtal.

The oldest son was playing some sort of ball game with his younger brother. The youngest sibling was reading quietly with her Septa. But the eldest daughter was nowhere to be found.

As they stepped forward, the youngest son straightened and nudged his brother to stop. Catching sight of the young Targaryen princes and princess they let the ball they were playing with drop to the ground as they bowed respectfully.

“Hello.” Helaena spoke brightly and the two young boys were helpless against her sweet nature and they both smiled and greeted her warmly.

“Where’s the other one?” Aegon asked rudely, looking around for the pretty girl from earlier who was missing.

Aemond grit his teeth, praying Aegon wouldn’t drive her away before he even had the chance to speak to her.

“She’s in her tree.”

“Her tree?”

The oldest brother pointed to the enormous willow tree behind them.

He called out to his sister, alerting her to the presence of the royal children and just seconds later, Aemond watched with a slowly growing smile as a lithe form began to descend the ancient tree.

She was slightly out of breath as she jumped the last few feet to the ground, brushing her already tangled hair out of her face as she practically skipped towards them.

As if her Septa’s teachings and her mother’s scolding from that morning had finally caught up to her, the smile on her face fell slightly, remembering she was in the presence of royalty. She slowed her pace and curtsied slightly clumsily as she came before them.

“It is lovely to see you all again. I hope you are enjoying Ixtal.”

Aemond felt his face heat with a deep blush at the sound of her voice, the slight accent he heard capturing him instantly and he wished nothing more than to take the book from her young sister’s hands and demand she read it to him just so he could continue to hear the beautiful sound of her voice.

“Your home is lovely. I’ve never seen anything like it.” Helaena spoke, breaking him from his thoughts. She moved towards the girl, the two of them engaging in easy conversation.

Aegon began speaking with the two brothers, learning the rules to the ball game they were playing, the young boys instantly getting along. Which left Aemond to stand by himself.

He shifted on his feet anxiously, contemplating if he should leave and find his mother. He’d at least have someone to talk to then. The pit in his stomach that grew as the familiar feeling of loneliness settled over him broke abruptly at the sound of the beautiful voice again.

“Would you like to sit?”

He looked up, his eyes meeting hers and for a moment, he wondered if she had actually been speaking to him. His gaze found Helaena who was now kneeling to talk to the youngest of the children who was mesmerized by her lavish dress.

Which left the oldest daughter alone and her gaze on him.

He swallowed against the lump in his throat and stepped forward slowly, his heart racing as he took a seat on the bench next to her.

“What are you writing?” He asked after clearing his throat, wincing to himself at the nerves that lingered in his words.

“Drawing actually.” She corrected. “And not very well by the looks of it.” She shifted closer to him to show him the sketches in her notebook, the scent of lavender invading every one of his senses as her shoulder brushed against his.

His eyes looked over the shaky drawings of flowers and the willow tree she had been sitting in just moments ago.

“They’re beautiful.”

She smiled and the sight was enough to leave Aemond thankful that he was sitting.

“Do you draw?”

“No, nowhere near as well as you.”

“You must be shit then because these are awful.”

Aemond choked on his breath at her words, his wide eyes looking over at her in shock. She had a carelessness to her that he thought he would’ve found arrogant, it was certainly how he felt about the other ladies at court who were so brazen before him.

But he found he could only feel enamored by the girl beside him.

A quiet laugh escaped him, his stomach flipping in ways he had never felt before.

“They’re not so bad.” He spoke quietly, his nerves reverting him to his bashful nature.

“You’re quite the flatterer, Aemond.”

No words came to him, he was left to stare back at her, completely taken aback by her easy nature and blinding smile.

She continued to show him her other sketches, the conversation between them flowing easily, something that Aemond had never experienced.

Later, as their guards escorted them away to prepare for the feast, Aemond’s ears rang with the sound of her laughter, leaving him to hope he would hear it again before he had to leave.

He spent the night with a smile on his face, behaving more animatedly than he had in all his life. Alicent had looked at her second son with barely contained emotion, delighted to see him so at ease.

She was so caught up in her emotions, she hadn’t even noticed how his eyes never strayed too far from the eldest daughter of Ixtal.

The mischievous island girl was known to walk around the halls of the castle at all hours. It had happened so often for so long the guards didn’t bother to stop her anymore and no one batted an eye when they saw her wandering.

She made her way to her parents chamber hours after she had been put to bed.

She couldn’t stop the thought in her head and she had to see it through.

With a smile to the guard at her parent’s door, she strolled in as if it were her own chamber. Her parents looked startled for all of a second before they sighed in resignation.

“Shouldn’t you be in bed, Darling?”

“I was.”

Her father huffed out a laugh. “So what brings you here, Troublemaker?”

She let out a breath, her shoulders straightening, as if portraying herself as proper would help her cause.

“I want to go with you to King’s Landing.”

Her request did not go over as easily as she wished, she spent the next hour arguing with her parents, pleading her case. She may have overstated how much her decision to learn more about court, but her parents did not need to know her desire lay purely with her need to explore what the Capitol could offer.

Her parents knew she loved to explore and the chance to see a new part of the realm was too tempting to not indulge her in. Her parents loved her more than anything, they loved and doted on all their children in ways that left Lords and Ladies from other houses to scoff and roll their eyes in disdain.

They couldn’t say no to her.

By the next morning, she stood at her father’s side as their ship sailed to King’s Landing, her arm linked through his, her head filled with the wonders of what this new place would have to offer.

A smile grew on her lips as she pictured the shy boy who had complimented her drawings and her excitement began to grow.

She was more reserved than she had ever been as she sat beside the table of royals. King Viserys had planned an extravagant welcome feast for the Lord of Ixtal, his new Master of Coin and his daughter to welcome them to King’s Landing.

She had never experienced so many Lords and Ladies approaching her before, giving her their hand to shake and curtsey before them in greeting. It felt as though she had never truly existed until she made it to the Capitol, where the matters of the court actually held weight and prospect.

Her father had regaled many a knight and Lord over the course of the night, leaving her by his side to sit quietly, the overlooked daughter. She knew the power her house held, she knew the reason most Lords gave their good fortune to her father was to ensure their trade routes would continue prosperously. She knew she was nothing more than fodder at her father’s side.

She picked at her food unhappily, contemplating her decision to venture so far from her home, so far from what was comfortable. Her eyes rose from her plate, surveying the large throne room before her, catching sight of her father in talks with a large group of Lords from around the realm.

With a heavy sigh, knowing she couldn’t interrupt her father, her eyes moved to the head table where the Targaryen family sat.

The head seat where the King sat was empty, he was busy at her father’s side. She let her eyes roam over the queen, taking in her quiet servitude and demure presence. Her gaze fell to the heir, Princess Rhaenyra sat with her husband Laenor Valaryon, her brows quickly rising at the sight of the brown haired children sat beside the silver-headed wedded pair.

Her eyes fell to Queen Alicent’s children, a small smile growing as she caught the gaze of Princess Helaena, the quiet girl sparing her a wave to which she eagerly reciprocated.

She was never one to fade into the background and she eagerly took the Princess’ gesture as a sign of goodwill, standing from her seat to make her way to the head table.

Helaena beamed at the girl as she approached, oblivious to her elder brother’s lustful intrigue and her younger brother who sat up straighter as the girl approached.

“Hello, my Lady, I hope King’s Landing is treating you well.” Helaena greeted the girl happily.

“It is lovely, Princess. I am sincerely grateful to your father for allowing myself and my father to reside in your home.”

“We are delighted to have you.” Helaena assured her. She fidgeted with her hands for a moment, her face turning bashful for a moment. “The ladies of the court will be gathering tomorrow, you should join.”

“I’d love to.” She responded eagerly, relieved to know her newfound solitude would not be long held.

“You should join us for breakfast as well. I can show you my collection.” Helaena added excitedly.

“By the Gods, Helaena.” Aegon groaned beside her.

“Collection?” She asked, staunchly ignoring the prince sitting next to the blushing princess.

“My insects. I’ve collected quite a beautiful group of them. I’d love to show you.”

Helaena had a lovely innocence to her she was powerless against.

“I’d be delighted to see them.” She told the princess sincerely, hoping she had found a friend in the eccentric girl. “I’ve also heard wonderful things about your library. I’m eager to read the works about Valryian history and the Targaryen dynasty. There are only rumors where I come from.”

Aemond sat forward in his seat, his eagerness to interject himself finally coming to a head.

“I can show you to the library.” Aemond offered, finally making his presence known.

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to take you from your duties.”

“You won’t.” He insisted, positive his face was blooming with a pink blush as her attention now lay on him. “There are many books that have not been translated, I would be happy to read them to you.”

He seemed to melt under her gaze that watched him curiously.

“You would do that?”

“Of course.” He insisted.

“That would be wonderful.”

He was thankful he was sitting because her smile would have knocked him off his feet.

By the next morning, as soon as the sun rose, he was sitting in the library, anxiously anticipating her arrival. He didn’t have to wait long until the door creaked open and her eager eyes took in the vast shelves around her.

She greeted him with happiness as if they were long time friends, causing his stomach to flutter in ways he had never felt before.

“This is incredible.” She mused, eyeing the many books she had to indulge in.

They spent the afternoon together, her at his side as he read the Valryian texts of their history, stopping every few minutes to answer the many intrigued questions she had.

Aemond was sure his face was on fire, he had never blushed so hard. No one had ever taken such an interest in him, no one had ever paid so much attention to him, no one had ever bothered to listen to him.

But here she was, this girl at his side, eager to know more, asking question after question, trusting him to give her the answer. As soon as he began to fear he had spoken too much, taken too much of her time she’d drawl out ‘tell me more’ or ‘what happened next’ and he was rooted to his seat, turning to the next page as he explained the history of the Targaryen dynasty to her eager ears.

He had never felt so important.

King’s Landing proved to be just as wondrous as she dreamed it. Granted, it didn’t have the luxurious beaches or sprawling forests her home did, but she was just thrilled to be exploring a new corner of the world.

Aemond had quickly become her closest ally. He had taken to showing her every inch of the place he thought she would enjoy, dragging her along to the mazes of gardens, the weirwood tree, the luxurious Sept, but her favorite had to be the library. She had spent many late nights with Aemond at her side, perusing through the many ancient works of Valyrian history.

It fascinated her, but she couldn’t deny she loved to hear Aemond’s voice as he read to her, enthralled with stories of Aegon the Conqueror and his two sister-wives, stories of ancient dragons and their riders, of wars long passed.

A week into their stay, as she broke her fast with her father, she was practically bouncing in her seat, shoveling her food into her mouth as quickly as she could, eager to get the meal over with so she could meet with Aemond and Helaena, the two of them quickly becoming her closest confidants.

“Slow down, my love, you’re going to choke.” Her father warned with a chuckle at her enthusiasm.

“Sorry.” She mumbled through the food in her mouth, causing her father to grimace at her very unlady-like behavior.

“Your eagerness wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain Targaryen, would it?” He asked slowly, his knowing smile teasing her clear affection for the young boy she was growing closer to each day.

“Helaena and I are good friends.” She shrugged, effectively dodging her father’s prying. He rolled his eyes and leaned back in his seat, watching her thoughtfully. He had no idea where she had gained such a witty mouth, it certainly wasn’t from him or his sweet, quiet wife.

She finished the rest of her breakfast at record speed and hopped out of her seat, pressing a quick kiss to her father’s cheek.

“I’ll see you at dinner!” She called out over her shoulder as she skipped to the door.

“Be safe!” He called out, but she was already racing down the halls. He looked to the guard at the door pointedly who nodded and trailed after the rambunctious girl.

She slowed her pace once she reached the courtyard, suddenly very aware of the many eyes that would be on her if she was caught sprinting through the halls. She spotted a head of silver hair by the gates and she beamed, throwing all care out the window as she began to jog towards him.

“Aemond!” She called out and watched as the boy turned to her, his own smile growing at the sight of her.

“Took you long enough.” He jested playfully and reveled in the dramatic scowl she sent him.

“I’m not late. You are just an insane man that voluntarily wakes with the sun.”

It was so small, something so miniscule, but it still managed to make his heart race. Knowing she remembered a small detail about him, no matter if it was something that was so inconsequential, was something he couldn’t wrap his head around.

He hadn’t expected it to affect him the way it did.

~~~

She found herself with Helaena in the gardens, finding any bugs she could for the enigmatic

princess. Digging a jittery bug out of the dirt, her nose scrunched in distaste as the many legged creature crawled over her hand.

“What is this thing?”

Helaena peered over curiously and a wide smile beamed on her face.

“That’s a beetle.”

“They’re not poisonous, are they?”

The princess laughed in amusement at the widened eyes that met her gaze and she shook her head. “No, you’re safe.”

The girl nodded and, though still on edge, was less stressed as she held the bug in her hands.

Helaena, preoccupied with her own bugs, stole frequent looks at the girl next to her, noting the unease in her eyes. She smiled lightly and leaned in close to her.

“You don’t have to do this with me. I know not everyone likes the things I like. I can do this by myself.”

The girl looked startled by her words, a frown growing on her usually bright features and she looked down at the bug in her hands again, her eyes shifting from a look of disgust to one of determination, as if she could force herself to not feel grossed out at their existence.

“I like being here with you.” She said softly. “I don’t really have anyone else here.”

Helaena frowned, the thought of her brother immediately coming to mind and the smile that would grace his usually sullen face every time he was with the Island girl. As if she had conjured him herself, she looked over her shoulder, noticing him coming their way.

“Hello, Brother.” She smiled, though it was futile as his attention was locked onto the beauty beside her.

“Hello.” He spoke, though his eyes never left his sister’s friend. “What are you doing?”

“Finding bugs. Would you like to join?”

Helaena, having expected a ‘no’, given it was always Aemond’s answer anytime she asked him for help digging through the gardens, was shocked as he took a seat among them and dug his hands in the dirt before them without question.

The Princess watched with barely contained delight as her brother and friend immediately started conversing as if she weren’t there, the comfortable ease between them thriving.

Usually she would feel slighted by such an occurrence, but rather than feeling ignored, she was happy to see her brother, who was usually so serious, look completely unburdened. She worried about him, about how tightly wound he was, but since the Lord of Ixtal and his daughter had come to King’s Landing, she had noticed his demeanor change, as if he could finally take a deep breath and release the things that so often held him down.

Aemond looked at the dirt beneath his fingernails and mourned at what his night routine would be subjected to, but he found he didn’t care all that much. The stolen glances to the girl beside him had all sense of propriety out the window.

“Do you do this every day, Princess?” She asked the Targaryen who shrugged shyly.

“Most days. I find I prefer the company of bugs over people.”

The bark of laughter that left her had both the siblings smiling, her joyful nature contagious.

Aemond was transfixed, until he heard his name and he was forced out of his daydreams. He looked up at Aegon who was standing before them, judgment painting his features.

“What are you doing here?”

“We’re digging for bugs, Brother.” Helaena answered innocently, her eyes thankfully locked onto the caterpillar on her finger so she didn’t see how her brother rolled his eyes in disdain.

Aemond glowered at his brother, his mood dampened, his protectiveness for his sister rising involuntarily whenever he was around. He hated seeing Helaena’s eyes dim with every one of his hurtful words.

The Island girl looked between the siblings, beginning to understand just how different they were to her and her own siblings. The more time she spent with Aegon, the more she disliked him. She looked back at Aemond and frowned, noticing the dower expression grow on her friend’s face, and she called his name.

“Hmm?”

“What are these?” She asked, her dirt covered fingers trailing over the petals of the flowers in front of them, diverting his attention from Aegon.

“Marigolds.” He answered quickly, as if he wanted her to be impressed by his knowledge. “You don’t have these in Ixtal?”

“No. It’s a shame, they’re beautiful.”

Aemond bit his lip, his heart racing as she moved back to digging for bugs. He ignored the nerves that coursed through him and reached out to pluck the flower.

“Here.”

She looked up and her eyes widened, her cheeks burning as he tucked the flower behind her ear, his shy smile mirroring hers, his hesitance clear, but his bravery clearer.

Aegon scoffed, rolling his eyes at the pair.

The noise caused them both to glare at the older Targaryen, their eyes narrowed in annoyance.

“You two are pathetic.”

“It’s not our fault your pea sized brain cannot comprehend the idea of caring for someone other than yourself.” She snarked easily, making Aemond’s eyes widen as he nervously looked between her and his brother whose face twisted in anger.

Thankfully, his brother was smart enough to know not to start a fight with her and he stomped away, most likely in search of more wine.

“You shouldn’t do that.” Aemond mumbled, his worried eyes lingering on his brother’s figure as he stormed off.

“Do what?”

“Antagonize him.”

“Someone needs to knock him off his high horse. Why can’t it be me?” She shrugged, perfectly content to be the antagonist in Aegon Targaryen’s life.

“Because I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“Why would anything happen to me?”

“Because… he’s… it’s Aegon.” He stressed, as if his brother’s existence was enough explanation.

“Yes, and he’s an absolute cock.”

Aemond’s eyes widened, not expecting the vulgar word to leave her lips. Helaena giggled and leaned into the girl at her side. His shoulders slumped and he allowed himself to laugh, amazed yet not surprised at her ability to evade him of his worries.

A body crashed into her as she turned the corner, almost knocking her off balance, but arms that quickly wrapped around her waist stopped her from falling to the floor.

She recognized the boy immediately.

“Aemond.” She greeted breathlessly with a smile. He pulled away from her instantly, taking a step back to create space between them, his head bowed downwards, avoiding her gaze.

But she saw the tear streaks through the stains of ash on his cheeks. Her smile fell and she stepped towards him, her hands gently lifting his chin, though he vehemently refused and harshly pulled himself away from her.

“What happened?” She asked, trying to keep the hurt from her voice at his avoidance, something she had never experienced from him.

“Nothing.”

“Aemond.” She admonished gently. She hated when he acted like this, so unlike the kind boy she knew.

He kept his head down and she sighed heavily, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I won’t leave you alone until you tell me what happened.”

Aemond huffed and side stepped around her to continue on his way to lock himself in his chambers and wallow, but she was too quick. She grabbed his hand to stop him and pulled him back towards her.

He spoke her name, the groaned pronunciation indicating he wasn’t in the mood.

“I just want to go to my chambers.”

“Fine. We can go together.” She said simply and linked her arm through his as they began to walk.

Aemond let out a long breath, his annoyance flaring for a second, but the moment he looked over at her it faded away into nothing. He brought his arm that was linked with hers closer to his chest, as if needing her touch to soothe his nerves.

He thought he wanted to be alone. After his mother had brushed off his tears and scolded him yet again for venturing through the dragon pit, he just wanted to wallow by himself, but with her arm in his, her steady presence at his side, he found he wanted nothing but to be with her.

Once they made it to his chambers, he reluctantly let go of her and practically slumped his way to sit on his bed, his head bowed down to his feet, his brother and nephews' latest prank ruminating in his head, causing shame and anger to cascade over every inch of him.

“Are you going to tell me what happened now or am I going to have to force it out of you?”

Aemond huffed at her words and began to fidget with his fingers, focusing on the sand that lingered on his skin rather than meeting her inquisitive gaze.

She rolled her eyes and moved to sit next to him on the bed, brushing the sand from his hair.

“Were you in the dragon pit again?”

He nodded wordlessly and she felt something inside her clench. She would never understand the hole in Aemond’s heart, how his lack of a dragon made him feel so worthless.

“They said they found a dragon for me.” He mumbled, causing her to look over at him with concern, her stomach sinking at the hurt she heard in his voice, knowing his dreams hadn’t come true that afternoon.

She knew it could only be a cruel prank at his expense.

“They gave me a pig.”

Her shoulders slumped, her hand reaching out to grab his, intertwining their fingers with an ease as though she had done it a million times before. She had only held his hand a few times and it made Aemond blush bright red every time, even now as he wallowed.

“I’m sorry. They shouldn’t be so cruel to you.”

“They’re right. It’s pathetic, a Targaryen without a dragon.”

“Aemond-”

“Maybe I’m not worthy and I’ll never get a dragon, maybe that’s why my egg never hatched. I don’t deserve it.”

“Stop it.” She spoke sternly, gripping onto both his hands in an effort to calm him down from his ranting. “You are every bit as good as any one of them, dragon or no dragon.”

Aemond sighed shakily and moved his gaze back down to his shoes, feeling as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“What if I never find one?” He asked quietly, as if afraid to speak the possibility out into existence.

“You will. I know you will.” She assured him, though it did little to release him from his sadness. “There are plenty of Targaryens that didn’t claim dragons until later in life.”

Aemond gave her a plain look, to which she just smirked. Serves him right for teaching her about his family history.

“Aemond, we’re young, we still have so much life to live. It’s not over because you don’t have a dragon yet. You have so much time to find what you’ve always wanted.”

The breath that escaped his lips left him feeling lighter, his hand finally gripping hers back, sending a bashful smile her way, hoping it was enough to convey how grateful he was for her.

He didn’t think he could ever find the words to tell her.

“You’d be with me, won’t you? For my first ride?”

“You would want me there?”

“Of course I would.”

She smiled and he was powerless but to return his own. “Then I’ll be there.”

Aemond’s glare was steady on his face, his eyes locked onto the Strong bastard that twirled her around.

How dare he ask her to dance, how dare he touch her, how dare he make her smile.

His disdain for his nephews was clear, they certainly didn’t give him much reason to be cordial, but this was the last straw. Seeing Jacaerys’ hands on her made his blood boil.

Those damned nephews of his had already stolen her away from his side that afternoon. He could only watch helplessly as she played around with the bastards and spoke politely to his half sister Rhaenyra.

He almost resented how sweet his friend was. He loved her kind heart, he just hated when it extended to his elder half sister and her sons who he despised.

He hated when Jacaerys and Lucerys stole her away from his side. It was happening more and more as they became closer. He felt like he was losing her, the more times she spent breaking her fast with his eldest sister and her brood, the more he dreaded every moment away from her.

She was his only friend, the only one he felt truly understood him, or at least made the effort to. Losing her would mean losing the only shred of happiness he’d managed to find for himself.

He averted his gaze from Jace and the Ixtal girl, the sight of both their bright smiles becoming too painful.

“They seem to get along well.” His father mused, prompting Aemond to torturously follow his gaze to the pair yet again.

His heart began to race at the insinuation, at the knowing look in his father’s twinkling eyes.

“Yes, he seems to be quite taken with her.” Rhaenyra noted with a loving smile.

“They’d make a fine match.” His mother added. Aemond looked to his mother, betrayal in his gaze. His mother knew how much his friend meant to him, she knew someone so precious shouldn’t be shackled to a bastard.

He refused to hear another word. His chair screeched loudly against the floor as he abruptly stood and made his way out of the room as if there were no air left for him to breathe. They couldn’t take her away from him, they couldn’t give her to that bastard.

He raced to his chambers, hoping he was quick enough that no passing guards could see the tears forming in his eyes.

By the next day, he found himself in the gardens, his eyes locked onto the open book in his lap as he read and re-read the same sentence over and over, his racing mind not allowing him to focus on the words in front of him.

The dread he had been feeling since the night before had not dissipated in the slightest.

“Aemond!”

His heart leapt within his chest at the sound of her voice. His hopeful eyes looked around the garden before landing on her and a feeling of lead settled within him, bringing him right back down to his dour mood as he noticed Jace and Lucerys beside her.

She motioned for him to join but he just shook his head softly and moved his gaze back down to his book.

He let out a long breath, trying his hardest to ignore the bitterness that grew in his heart, one that was all too familiar from before he met her. He startled slightly as a body slumped next to him. He looked up and his eyes widened slightly at the sight of her looking at him questioningly.

“Why are you sulking?”

“I’m not sulking.”

She breathed deeply, as if disappointed by his obvious lie. “Why didn’t you join us?”

He shrugged, he couldn’t very well tell her the truth about how he despised his nephews and seeing her with them was like a dagger to the heart, how he feared losing her, his greatest friend.

“I didn’t want to intrude.” He spoke softly.

Her eyes narrowed at his words, her gaze moving to the two Velaryon boys who were talking quietly amongst each other, their curious eyes occasionally drifting to her and Aemond.

She knew there was tension among them, the way they seemed to side with Aegon and play along in the cruel pranks he would play on Aemond always made her stomach twist. She suddenly felt guilty that she had never considered how it would make Aemond feel to be forced in their vicinity after how they treated him.

She turned to her friend and shuffled closer to him.

“You could never intrude.”

Aemond looked over at her, but quickly averted his gaze, finding it just too much to look in her eyes while she sat so close to him.

“You don’t have to stay with me. If you want to be with them, I won’t stop you.” He spoke quietly. The last thing he wanted was to make her feel smothered by him.

“I’d rather be with you.”

Her answer left him using all of his willpower to keep himself from marching directly to his father and demanding a betrothal this instant.

She chose him.

No one had ever chosen him.

She was bored out of her mind. With Aemond and Helaena gone to Driftmark for Lady Laena’s funeral, she was left without her closest confidants, leaving her little to do in their absence. She wished she’d been granted leave to attend the funeral with them, but her father had never met Laena and had been tasked with extra duties while the King was gone, leaving her to stew in her loneliness.

She was curled up on the settee by her bed, her sketchbook in her lap as she scrawled out an attempt at drawing Dreamfyre, to horrible failure.

A soft knock on her door made her lift her head and she sat up straighter when her father entered. The look on his face made her stomach twist, dread falling upon her like a crashing wave.

She got to her feet quickly, feeling unsteady on her now weak legs.

“Darling, there was an… incident on Driftmark.”

She swallowed the lump in her throat, her heart racing. “What happened?”

“I wasn’t privy to all the details but all I know is that Aemond has been injured.”

The breath was knocked out of her and at the first sign of her face crumbling into despair, her father crossed the room and held her tightly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as the first sob broke free.

“Is he alright?”

Her father let out a long breath at her hiccuped words, holding her tightly. He knew his daughter had certain affections for the young boy, but hearing her now made him realize just how deeply she cared for him.

“The Maesters say he has lost an eye.”

A shuddering breath escaped her and she suddenly felt faint. She had no idea how, what could have unfolded, who would dare to do something so barbaric to him.

The next days were spent in agony. She barely left her chambers. Every time her father came to check in on her, he found her sitting by her window, her gaze locked onto the horizon, waiting eagerly for the Targaryen family’s arrival.

On the third day of her lonely torment, she finally spotted it. Dragons on the horizon. She was on her feet in a second and racing down to the courtyard. She was out of breath and disheveled by the time she made it, but her pace only quickened when she saw Helaena with her mother.

She called out to her friend and Helaena let out a breath of relief when she saw her, her arms opening for her as she approached.

Helaena didn’t let many touch her, but she was one of the lucky few she allowed.

“Are you alright? Where’s Aemond? Will he be ok?” She fired off questions, not even able to get a breath out through her frantic words.

“It’s alright, my Darling. Aemond will be fine.” Alicent consoled her, placing her arm around the shaking girl’s shoulders.

“Where is he?”

“He’s been taken to the Maester’s solar. He’ll have to spend some time there while he heals.”

“What happened?” She asked breathlessly.

“What I told him.” Helaena interjected calmly. “He gained a dragon, but he had to close an eye.”

She looked at Helaena with shock. “He… he claimed a dragon?”

She couldn’t make sense of the despair, relief and joy she had felt all at once. Knowing Aemond and his endless plight to gain a dragon, she knew he would see it a worthy trade, but the thought of him injured, permanently maimed, made her want to crumble to the ground below her.

After bidding goodbye to Alicent and Helaena, she made her way to the Maester’s wing of the Keep. She was denied entry, but she was determined to not let it stop her. Each day, at the crack of dawn, she’d drag herself out of bed and, before even breaking her fast, would make the trek to the Maester’s wing and ask to see Aemond.

She was refused each and every day, but it did little to deter her. She kept trying.

It had been weeks since she had seen Aemond. Her heart was aching without the presence of her best friend, without the boy that made her smile like no other could.

On the fifth day of the third week, as she made the familiar walk to his door, the guard stopped her, as usual, though his words were different.

“The Prince does not wish for any visitors.”

She frowned. It always used to be the order of the Maesters or Alicent, claiming her son needed his rest, but now it was Aemond himself refusing her.

She couldn’t pinpoint it exactly, but she knew she had felt her heart crack in a way she had never felt before.

She walked away from the door with her head bowed in defeat.

The hurt she felt mirrored Aemond’s own. Refusing her made him ache, but the thought of her seeing him as he was and looking at him with disgust was unfathomable and he would delay that inevitable despair as long as he could.

He sulked in his bed, the dour expression on his face one that had been constant for weeks.

His mother was by his bedside as she had been for weeks. He couldn’t stand to see her wince or her teary eyes everytime she looked at his ghastly scar.

She had been trying, in no subtle terms, to get him out of the room, even going as far to bring up his friend, the one he longed to see yet dreaded ever seeing the same look on his mother’s face on hers.

“It’s been a few weeks. She’s been worrying herself sick.” His mother told him, making his already weak heart more fragile.

He stayed silent, his frown deepening in despair.

“Aegon and Helaena will be heading out tomorrow to Ixtal. You should take Vhagar and join them.”

Aemond shifted uncomfortably. He knew his friend was leaving tomorrow, to visit home for her mother’s name day. They had all been invited, but with his father’s fading health and his mother’s refusal to ride on dragonback, it left just Aegon and Helaena to join the festivities.

“Aemond.” His mother prompted again, the disappointment in her voice clear.

“I don’t want to go.” He mumbled, one of the few sentences he’d managed over the past few weeks.

His mother sighed in defeat and didn’t bring it up again for the rest of the night, leaving him to his solitude as he preferred.

The next morning, Aemond lay in bed, the wound over his eye itching gratingly. He longed to claw at the wicked scar, to scream in anger, to enact his vengeance on that Strong bastard. The fury festered in him like the open wound on his face, red and flaming.

The soft sound of his door opening and closing made him stir, assuming it was his mother yet again. As he lazily turned his head, dread settled in his stomach, his remaining eye widening in horror at the sight of her, the one he longed for yet resisted.

She froze in her place at the door, her jaw falling slack, a shaking hand covering her mouth as a hitched breath escaped her at the sight of him.

Aemond’s face twisted in agony. This was exactly what he wished to avoid.

“What are you doing here?” He asked angrily, tears forming in his remaining eye.

“I just wanted- I wanted… we’re leaving soon.”

It was faint but he heard it. Fear. The stuttering of her words, the quiet, almost docile way she spoke that was so unlike her was like a hatchet to his heart. The look on her face was even worse. She could barely make eye contact with him.

“Get out.” He spoke lowly through gritted teeth.

“Aemond, I-”

“Get out! I don’t want you here!” He screamed at her, tears steadily falling down his cheeks.

Her own tears began to fall, her face twisting with agony. He hated it. He didn’t want her pity, he didn’t want to see the disgust on her face that everyone would face him with for the rest of his life.

“Leave me alone! I never want to see you again!”

She let out a sob and turned on her heel, leaving the room with haste.

Aemond slumped back in bed, placing his hands over his face, ignoring the way it made his eye ache, and he cried for what he had lost.

Not just his eye, but his love, his happiness. His everything.

She stood on the balcony of the banquet hall, breathing in the fresh ocean air. She missed home. She had thought of this moment for weeks, had been eager and excited to finally visit, yet now that she was there, it was bittersweet.

The sound of the waves weren’t as peaceful as she remembered. The food she ate wasn’t as delicious as she remembered. The music and the dancing wasn’t as exciting as she remembered.

“Darling?”

She turned to see her mother approaching, concern written across her face as she moved to stand next to her daughter, her arm crossing over her shoulders, bringing her in close to her side.

“Are you alright? I thought I’d see you dancing all night.”

“I’m fine.”

The Lady of Ixtal looked to her once vibrant daughter worriedly. She was far from the girl that had left all those months ago. From all the letters she had sent, it seemed her daughter was having the time of her life in King’s Landing. The girl she saw now wasn’t the one who had gleaned nothing but happiness.

“Was it not what you expected?”

She stiffened, the need to defend her friends and her new found home rising. “No, it’s- King’s Landing is lovely.”

Her mother sighed. She had gotten a short re-telling of the last few weeks in the Capitol from her husband and she was starting to put the pieces together.

“I couldn’t help but notice your friend isn’t here.”

She looked up at her mother, her wide doe-like eyes giving everything away.

“Aemond?”

She felt her cheeks heat and she turned her attention back to the view before her, focusing on the waves of the ocean, mirroring her breathing with each crashing wave.

“He’s not my friend anymore.” She spoke quietly through the lump that grew in her throat.

“From what I’ve heard, it sounds as though he is going through an awful time, something no one, especially someone so young, should ever have to endure. People don’t exactly act rationally when they are hurt. It is easy to speak things that are untrue in that state.”

She stayed silent, taking in her mother’s words thoughtfully. It was easy enough to explain, but it didn’t lessen the hurt she felt.

“You can stay here if you wish. The Gods know I would love to keep you in my arms, but I don’t think that is truly what you want.”

She let out a shaking breath, her mind a mess as she thought of her life in King’s Landing, of what she’d be leaving behind. But, if Aemond was being truthful and he didn’t want to see her or be her friend anymore, what would her life be like there?

“I don’t know what to do.”

“You’ll figure it out.” Her mother assured her. “Or else we’ll have a dragon landing on our shores demanding you come back.”

The smile on her mother’s face made the hurt inside her melt away slightly. Her conviction that Aemond would forgive her for her intrusion, that he would bring her back into his life and his arms made her hopeful.

Her mother was never wrong and she prayed she wouldn’t start now.

She clutched onto Helaena’s waist as they flew on Dreamfyre back to King’s Landing. No matter how thrilling it was to ride a dragon, no matter that she felt as light as a feather, that she could touch the clouds and feel as though she was in a magical, untouchable realm, it felt wrong.

Her first ride shouldn’t have belonged to Helaena, it shouldn’t have been with Dreamfyre. It wasn’t what she promised.

As they dismounted, Helaena’s hand held hers and stayed, holding tightly as they made their way from the dragonpit to the Keep, as if knowing her friend needed the comfort.

As they parted, Helaena promised she’d spend the day with her tomorrow, knowing she needed the distraction from Aemond.

She smiled, though it wasn’t as bright as usual, and with a wave, they parted. She stepped into her chambers and sighed heavily, mourning what her time in King’s Landing would hold.

She moved to her bed, content to hide under the covers for the rest of the day, but she stopped, noticing a bundle of flowers on her desk. She frowned, she certainly hadn’t put them there before she left.

She stepped closer, her fingers gently tracing along the soft petals. They were perfectly bloomed and freshly plucked, most likely just placed on her desk mere minutes before she arrived.

It suddenly struck her.

They were marigolds.

She remembered the flower Aemond had tucked behind her ear, the ones he would bring her on occasion simply because he knew she was fond of them.

Her heart began to race, her stomach flipping at the merest notion that it could’ve been from her best friend. She picked up the bundle, inhaling their fresh scent with a small smile.

She noticed the slip of parchment below them, the simple words in familiar handwriting brought tears to her eyes.

I am deeply, truly sorry.

I didn’t mean a word of what I said

Please forgive me

- Your Aemond

Her breath hitched, her chest feeling tight with sorrow.

The words he had screamed at her that day hurt her deeply, yet the thought of not having Aemond by her side, not having him as her friend, was unfathomable.

She spent the remainder of the day in her chambers, picking sparsely at the food her father had sent to her, knowing she wanted her solitude. By the next morning, having thought of nothing but Aemond all night, she was determined to see the end of their rift.

She dressed quickly and stepped out of her chambers, determined to march her way straight to Aemond, but she was stopped by her guard.

“The Prince has requested your presence in the gardens.”

The crease in her brow that signaled her determination smoothed out, leaving nothing but hopeful nervousness as she quickly made her way through the halls of the Keep. She ignored the looks of disdain from the ladies of the court as she raced past them, ignoring the whispers of her undignified behavior.

They were the last things on her mind.

Her heart was racing within her chest as she approached the gardens. She walked the familiar path, one she had taken countless times, to get to their usual meeting spot. Her feet came to an abrupt stop as she turned the last corner and saw him sitting on their bench, the one they always congregated to over the months together.

Nervous butterflies fluttered within her as she approached him.

She called out to him softly, cursing herself for how her voice shook in hopeful anticipation.

Aemond turned to face her and she was shocked to see the eyepatch across his face, covering the angry looking wound she had seen that morning in his chambers.

Her heart ached at the sight of the red scar that peeked out from the patch. It looked painful and the reminder of what he had gone through, what his own nephew had inflicted on him made her want to cry.

He spoke her name in greeting, giving her a small, weak smile. He winced slightly, the pull of his cheeks causing his scar to flair with pain.

Her chest tightened at the sight of him. He seemed smaller, as if he sat hunched over, trying hard not to take up too much space in the world.

“I’m sorry.” She blurted out before he could speak. He looked up at her incredulously, his stomach twisting at the despair he saw on her face. “I shouldn’t have just barged into your chambers. I knew you wanted privacy and I ignored your wishes and I’m sorry. I never meant-”

Aemond spoke her name breathlessly, stopping her rambling apology. He had never seen her so frantic before, it was unnerving to him, nothing at all like the lively girl he was used to. And it was his fault.

“You don’t have to apologize.” He told her softly. He looked down at his hands that fidgeted in his lap, shame overcoming him as he thought back to that day, when he had yelled at her so callously. He had replayed that moment over and over again in his head for days and it was torturous each time.

He couldn’t get the sight of her tears out of his head. To know he was the cause was his greatest shame.

“I’m sorry.” He spoke earnestly, looking her in the eyes intently, hoping she would believe him. “I never should have spoken to you that way. I’m so sorry I made you cry. I never will again, I promise.”

She let out a long breath, his words stirring something inside her she couldn’t recognize.

He frowned deeply at her lack of reaction, shuffling over and patted the space next to him on the bench, motioning for her to take a seat beside him.

She moved slowly, hesitantly taking her seat next to him.

“I’ve never seen you that angry before.” She spoke, her voice barely more than a whisper as she recalled that dreadful day.

Aemond sighed and bowed his head.

“I…” He started but soon found he had no words, no excuses for how he had treated her. Nothing would ever make it ok, never to her. “I hated to see you look at me like that.” Was the only thing he could think to say.

“Like what?”

“Like you were horrified of me.”

“I was horrified.” She said and he felt his insides turn to stone, his throat tightening with emotion. “But not of you. Never of you.” She added quickly, causing him to look over at her, his eye wide and shining with unshed tears.

“But-”

“Aemond, the thought of what happened to you, the thought of you in pain… it hurts me.”

The vice around his heart lifted instantly. His mind was spinning with the insinuation of her words.

“You… you’re not-”

She reached out, taking his hand in hers, causing words to fail him.

“I could never be afraid of you. I could never feel disgusted by you, I could never think any less of you, or whatever other horrible thing you think I feel for you now. No scar will change how I care for you.”

The weight that had been suffocating him for weeks now seemed to lift just the slightest, allowing him to feel as though he could finally take a breath.

He let out a shaking breath and tightened his hand in hers. She smiled softly and leaned in closer to his side, letting her head fall to his shoulder, letting him revel in her closeness.

He hated the stares he got from the ladies at court, he hated the winces, the horrified gasps as he passed them. He hated the worried looks he received, as if he was seconds away from collapsing like a weak mannered child.

But none of it mattered.

She still cared for him, she was still by his side, her hand in his.

Even the burning fury he held for his nephew seemed dim in the wake of the pure delight he felt in her presence.

“But, if you ever raise your voice to me like that again I will smack you.”

Her threat, that held no anger in the slightest, made him laugh and duck his head against hers as his body shook with each breath of laughter.

His first laugh since the incident.

From then, they were closer than ever. One was seldom seen without the other at their side.

The Ladies at court through the two of them were just about the most darling thing they had ever seen. Yet, not everyone was rooting for the threads of young love to flourish.

Alicent watched her son in the training yard with a frown. Her second son, so dutiful and so smart, was becoming distracted. Her eyes never strayed from him as he neglected his own lessons to play around with his friend, watching with a scowl as the two of them laughed together, as if there was no care in the world.

The sight of the young girl in the training yard was enough to leave her appalled, but her son’s willingness to indulge in such unseemly behavior was worrying.

“We cannot let this go any further.” Her father spoke from beside her.

“I can’t very well tell him he cannot be her friend. It would devastate him.”

“Let them be friends, but make it clear that is all it will ever be. Aemond can’t get any ideas about marrying this girl.”

Alicent chewed on her lower lip anxiously. The thought of tearing her son away from such happiness turned her stomach, but the thought of him marrying a girl so unpredictable was just as unfortunate.

“Would it really be so bad? We could gain leverage with her father.”

“Ixtal is a neutral house. They have never taken a stand in any war, that won’t change now. We cannot risk Aemond allying with a house that could not give us leverage for Aegon’s claim.” Otto hissed angrily.

Alicent wrapped her arms around herself, her eyes falling back to her son, taking in the sight of his smile while she still could. She doubted it would be a common sight once he was forced away from the Island girl.

But they all had a duty to perform.

Her arm was looped through his as he guided her past the dragon pit.

“Where are we going?” She asked, looking over her shoulder at the structure that housed the mighty Targaryen dragons they had just passed.

“Vhagar doesn’t stay there. She doesn’t fit.” Aemond explained, a slightly smug smirk crossing his features as he subtly boasted about his newly claimed dragon.

Her smile twitched slightly, her nerves suddenly overtaking her. She’d been hesitant when Aemond offered to introduce her to his mount, but the reminder of the great beast’s sheer size had the beginnings of fear creeping through her veins.

Noticing the subtle shift in her expression, Aemond tightened his grip on her arm.

“I would never put you in danger.” He assured her. “Vhagar is bonded to me, she can feel what I feel for you and she would never hurt you.”

“If I could hear that directly from Vhagar I might be able to breathe properly.”

Aemond snickered and led her forward excitedly.

Soon, they arrived at the crest of the hill, Vhagar’s enormous form coming into view. A shuddering breath escaped her when she came face to face with the historic dragon that fought in wars long before her time.

She could barely comprehend such a beast of her size existed among them, that the sweet boy beside her commanded her or even willingly approached her.

“Relax.” Aemond told her softly, moving out of her hold so his hand could take hers, intertwining their fingers.

The pair of them stepped towards the sleeping giant. She watched, mystified, as Aemond spoke a few words of Valaryian, the dragon's eyes sleepily opening, her large head lifting towards them.

She felt her body freeze, the blood in her veins running cold as the mighty dragon looked past her rider, her curious gaze landing on her. A low rumble shook the ground, Vhagar’s protest to the stranger before her.

Aemond soothed his dragon, placing an affectionate hand on her snout as he spoke soft commands.

She doubted a few measly words would suddenly convince Vhagar that she wasn’t a tasty snack, but she could only watch, her eyes widening as the dragon became disinterested by her presence, laying her head back down on the warm grass she had been slumbering on.

Aemond looked over his shoulder at her prone form several feet back and smiled, motioning her to come closer.

She shook her head adamantly, her feet frozen in place.

He spoke her name, holding his hand out to her.

She looked to his hand and then to his dragon and back again, contemplating the risk to her life.

“Do you trust me?” Aemond asked and her tense shoulders sagged. She had no reason to doubt her best friend. With one look in his eye, she knew he would never let any harm come to her.

She took slow steps forward, her fear not allowing her to move any quicker.

She reached out and took Aemond’s hand in hers as soon as she was close enough, holding on tightly.

“It’s alright.” He assured her.

He guided her hand toward Vhagar, watching the girl beside him closely, gaging every expression that crossed her face in a matter of seconds. From fear, to doubt, to disbelief and suddenly to awe.

A shaky laugh left her lips as her hand softly rested on the rough scales of Vhagar’s side. Pure delight was etched across her face as she pet the mighty beast as if she were nothing more than a house cat. Aemond saw how excited she got when one of the many stray cats that roamed Flea Bottom ventured their way into the Keep.

The excited smile she wore now as she pet his dragon was the same one he saw when she would cradle those strays.

The thought made him laugh and he leaned in close to her, letting his head rest against hers.

Seeing her now, fearless by his mount’s side, only confirmed what he already knew.

She was meant to be with dragons. Meant to be with him.

I will hopefully have the next chapter out within the next couple of days! And yes, every chapter is going to be long, I have no control. Hope you liked it xx

#aemond targaryen #aemond targaryen x reader #house of the dragon #aemond targaryen fic #aemond targaryen fanfic #house of the dragon fic

4K notes · View notes

letorip · 6 months ago

Text

crimson & clover

“now i don't hardly know her, but i think i could love her"

===+++===

pairing: wednesday addams x mute!reader

summary: people fear that which they do not understand. it makes sense then, why you and wednesday fall in love and help each other

warnings: erm you killed a lot of people on accident, angsty in the middle there, threats of violence, descriptions of violence

word count: 5.1k

A/N: heavily inspired by black bolt, who i really do think is one of my favourite heroes. there will likely be a part 2 or 3 to this but for rn my attention is on kiss with a fist. THERE WILL ALSO BE A PART [IV] OF SOMETHIN' STUPID

KISS WITH A FIST [IV] WILL BE UP NEXT SUNDAY

===+++===

There were certain things you couldn’t have, when one had the ability to do incredible damage, if they just opened their mouth.

When you did so, on a random Saturday morning at 10 years old, and your house burst apart, it took your parents and a chunk of the neighbourhood with it in a fiery tempest that stabbed you right through the heart. You learned then, that maybe you weren't meant to have a family.

At age 12, when the kids at the Home for Outcast Children strung you up from the monkey bars by your ankles, and you couldn’t hold in a laugh from how the world looked funny when the sky looked like the floor, you learned you weren’t meant to have friends, sitting silently in the dirty crater where the playground used to be with your head tucked into your knees.

You had thought it would be implied then, that you would never have a lover, either. But then again, there was Wednesday Addams.

It was still a mystery, why she chose you. You had assumed she would want nothing to do with you just like she didn’t want anything to do with most people, and you couldn’t have been more wrong.

The both of you met about a week after she arrived at Nevermore, in the dead of night on one of the walks you always took when everyone else had gone to bed and there was no one to watch you, no one to murmur as you went past. You didn't pose a danger to anyone, then, and it was liberating and also deeply melancholic.

That was when you were most at peace. Your thoughts, even though well-reasoned, could not be expressed. You wrote often, in a leather-bound notebook you’d let no one see, but the power was given to writing through reading it, and there was no one you could have close enough to do so. It made you tired, to be around people you couldn’t communicate with. Few people wanted to wait for you to write something out on a notebook and even fewer wanted to learn sign language.

Kinbott had a dry-erase whiteboard in her office that was just meant for you and the only deaf person in Jericho, though the old man had gone missing a few months ago, without a trace. It was humiliating, at first, and you used to write two-word sentences, curt responses doing the bare minimum, often out of anger— whether it was anger from your situation or anger at being a teenager, you didn’t know— but now you could fill it with paragraphs and kept a notebook for when communication was especially necessary.

That night itself was peaceful, with gentle, twinkling stars that were only lightly polluted by the quad’s towering lamps. You could still see their faint outlines above you, with casting shadows down the lawn from the roof’s spires, and it smelled as if it were going to rain soon.

When you heard the scuttling of something on the floor, you jumped, startled, eyes shooting down to where you were certain you had felt someone’s fingers grip at your leg. Your eyes widened in surprise at the disembodied hand, racing up the uneven cobblestones and then up the leg of someone at the far end of the quad, landing finally on her shoulder.

Wednesday with her arms crossed, looking at you with a comically large bag slung over her shoulder that must've contained all of her belongings, like a runaway in the night.

Oh. That's what she was.

You blankly stared back at her, blinking at her figure. She took a menacing step forward, her grip on the bag tightening. "Are you following me?" she asked, tone icy. When you kept looking at her without so much as opening your mouth, her apathetic eyes narrowed. "If you tell anyone you saw me, they will never find your body. Don't say a word."

It was intended to be a threat, and if it had been anyone else, it probably would've made their blood run ice over just from how cold her gaze was. But you just raised your eyebrows at her, unable to stop the amusement from tugging at the corners of your lips. The irony was very far from lost on you, and the more serious she seemed the more funny the blunder was.

"What?" she snipped. "Is something amusing to you?"

Again, you could not say. You silently shook your head, tilting it then out of curiosity, and gently pointing towards the hand on her shoulder. It sat up at your attention, sending a friendly wave in your direction. Your eyes widened, waving before Wednesday could clear her throat and pull your eyes back up to hers.

Her eyes in question were dark and intense, but beautiful, even under the dim lighting, and you had to swallow what felt like a lump in your throat, in order to regain your composure. "Why are you silent?" she asked, narrowing them at you. You were under her microscope, and she scanned you, looking for anything that would impair your immediate voice.

You raised up a hand as if to say ‘hold on,’ before tugging your notebook out from your overcoat, flipping it open and pulling out your pen. With a click, you were scribbling down on the paper, and Wednesday narrowed her eyes at you again, scanning you in suspicion.

When you were done, you flipped it around, holding it up to her eyes with a gentle smile. 'Trust me, I don't think you'll need to worry about me telling anyone anything, anytime soon.'

Her eyes combed over the words, then glanced back down to you. "Why is—" she opened her mouth out of curiosity, but a heavy door slammed shut down the hall, and she whipped around before she could finish the question.

You both could hear the footsteps coming closer, and Wednesday straightened up, grip tightening on the bag over her shoulder. "You didn't see me, and you won't ever again," she said, coldly.

You nodded, not that you believed she'd make it out. You yourself had tried to run away for the first month and a half, and after long enough, one just gave up. Nevermore was hard to escape; you doubted she had readied a good enough plan in just a few days of being there. Still, you wished her luck. The forest was dangerous, and especially now.

With a final nod in your direction, she hastily walked off, down the corridor the opposite way. You watched her go, calmly sitting near the fountain. A few moments after she disappeared down a different hallway, a very tired looking Weems came down the stairs in her nightgown, holding onto a rusted lantern.

When she saw you, she sighed. "What did I say about those nighttime walks of yours, (Y/n)?"

You smiled, tilting your head to the side and shrugging at her. Weems huffed at your attempt at cluelessness, shaking her head fondly. "Just make sure you get yourself to bed soon, alright?"

You nodded, leaning back on the fountain edge and tracing the grout lines with your thumbs. Weems turned back to the hallway Wednesday went down. "I guess Miss Addams is planning to escape tonight?" But you didn't write anything down, raising your eyebrows at her as if to say 'duh.' Weems adjusted the hem of her nightgown from where it had dragged gently on the steps. "Thank you, (Y/n). I'll see you tomorrow."

She began to follow down the path Wednesday had taken, letting the lantern lead her through the dim corridor, and you silently yawned, picking up your notebook and figuring you had enough adventure for the night.

===+++===

That was your first unofficial meeting, at least. You almost forgot it had happened the following morning, except for when Wednesday showed up in class the next day looking more displeased and unhappy to be there than normal.

It was amusing how frustrated she was, mouth drawn into an annoyed line and eyes looking especially dark. When she caught your eye as she went to take her seat, you averted your gaze back down to your notebook to hide your cheeky smile, resuming your doodle in the margin and running a nervous hand through your hair.

She kept staring throughout the lecture, as if silently daring you to mention her failure, not that you could aloud. You weren’t willing to look back, but you could see her dark eyes shift up and across the round of tables towards you from the corner of your eye, which you made sure to keep on Thornhill.

After long enough, Xavier noticed too. He whispered something to her and then glanced up at you with a look that was far from friendly. He hadn't liked you one bit, but neither did any of the other kids, when they found out. You couldn't exactly blame them, either. The school was full of monsters, but you were a monster among monsters.

"Wednesday, Xavier," Thornhill called out, crossing her arms. She wasn't angry, though. More playful. "Is something more important than our study of carnivorous plants?"

Xavier began to shake his head, starting an apology, but Wednesday cut him off, blankly staring back at Thornhill as it left her mouth. "Yes."

At the challenge, the whole class seemed to let out a comically loud gasp. Thornhill's previously teasing smile dropped to a displeased frown, and she shoved her hands into the pockets of her overalls, motioning to the large glass enclosure on the table behind her. "I don't suppose you can tell me what this is, then?" At the question, you can see Bianca smirk and raise her own hand, eager to steal it away, "I haven't said the name out loud yet, and it will be on your test next—"

"—Dendrophylax lindenii." The interruption came swift from her lips, but Wednesday's eyes are still steeled over and unimpressed by Thornhill's attempt to be put on the spot.

You have to hide your amusement again, at the shocked look on Bianca's face, but she rushes to make up for it by adding something of her own. "It's also known as the Ghost Orchid—”

"—First discovered on the Isle of Wight in 1852," Wednesday adds, and once more she's won. Or, she would have. You can't help the shake your head does, or the cheeky smile on your face that Wednesday locks onto, like a heatseeking missile. Her eyes are like daggers, stabbing you through and through. "Is something funny?"

She says it across the entire classroom and everyone goes silent, less focused on the plants now and more the fact that she's acknowledging your presence. You shrug, trying to diffuse the situation, but it only makes her glare at you harder. "No, go on," Wednesday demands, her tone just as icy as she had been the night before. "Tell us, what was so funny?"

"Wednesday," Thornhill warns her, sending you a sympathetic look, but she ignores her and so do you.

"Or are you still at a loss for words," she draws out, and in doing so, the rest of the class fills with 'ooh's and 'woah's. You stare at her for a moment, then silently, your hand goes to your notebook.

The moment you begin writing in it, the classroom tenses again, waiting for you to finish. You make them as big as possible, large enough that she'll be able to clearly read them across the room. When you're done, you flip it around and hold it up like a sign, face blank.

discovered 1854, not 1852

idiot.

You've circled it several times in messy pen, to make sure she really sees. The room roars even louder in surprise, and however bad Wednesday's stare was before, the new one she gives you is infinitely worse. Her face is still deadpan, but her eyes flick away down to her notebook. It’s the only time you’ve seen her approach something resembling embarrassment or fury. You're sure the 'idiot' bit didn't help, but you were far too annoyed by her poking of you to not have poked her right back.

"Well...," Thornhill tries, "It seems the Ghost Orchid isn't the only carnivorous plant in here, today." But the class is too far gone to focus up again, sending you wary glances. They don't like Wednesday, but they like you even less, so it's confusing who they should root for.

You hold her gaze until the bell rings, finally breaking it to gather your things and leave as soon as possible. Her eyes are still on you as you go, and just before you exit the room, you can hear someone mutter "freak," under their breath. You tuck your books under your arm, and duck out into the hall.

===+++===

Fall was always your favourite time of year; for once, Jericho wasn't entirely unbearable. The leaves turned a warm orange and red, falling from the trees in abundant piles on the ground, and the air fermented into something crisp and especially breathable. You let it fill your nose as much as possible.

You sat on the lawn, listening to the birds flit about and the wind brush under the branches and hem of your jumper with a book in your lap and a frown on your face. It wasn't a good book- something the internet had said was incredible but had firmly left a bad taste in your mouth, and part of you wanted to put it down and turn to something more useful. But another part of you wanted to keep reading, like being unable to look away from a car accident.

The book was so engrossing in its awfulness that you didn't notice her watching you from afar or, more so, aiming in your direction. That was, until you turned the page, and her throwing knife whizzed past your ear and lodged itself into the tree you had been sitting against.

Your eyebrows furrowed at the noise, and you turned your head to the side, looking at the shiny, reflective silver. The letters W. A. stared back at you, engraved just below the knife's spine. You frowned, and when you looked back, she was standing over you, arms crossed and expression as deadpan as always.

You raised a questioning eyebrow, looking over at the knife and then back to her as if saying, 'What was that for?'

"Your attention was required," she replied dryly.

You rolled your eyes, dog-eared the page of your book, and placed it down next to you, pulling out your notebook and your pen. You wrote a single word.

dangerous.

"Believe me, if I wanted to hit you, I am entirely capable of aiming to kill," Wednesday said. Then, after a brief look around Nevermore's green, her eyes flicked back down to you. "I'm here on business."

You search her face for a moment, narrowing your eyes. They locked in on the small bandage on her forehead, and you nodded up at it, asking her what happened with the look on your face. Her frown deepened.

"I'm in the process of crushing a bee... and almost getting crushed by a gargoyle." You blinked, but Wednesday continued. "But I won't have to do either if you agree to my request."

It's hard to deny that her words massively pique your interest. Wednesday in general massively piques your interest, and you write down the thing you really want to know.

people say you eat human flesh...

You turn the page back to her, and Wednesday seems to process the words for a moment. She looks over at you, unimpressed by the allegation. "I don't eat it. My menagerie of pets do. And even then, that's nothing close to what Enid's said about you."

You stare up at her, then scribble a couple of words on the paper.

and what's that?

"That you're dangerous. That you’re somehow infinitely worse than I am, which I'm doubtful of," Wednesday says without missing a beat. "Enid won't say anything more, and neither will Xavier." She looks around again, over the green. There's a picnic of sirens by the lake, and a few of the werewolves are playing with a frisbee. She looks back at you. "I've been warned to stay away, and your propensity for being obnoxious has made that task fairly easy so far." You begin to write again.

so why are you here

"Because," she states like it's obvious, "I want to break out of here. And you're somehow the person to have gotten the closest."

and yet

i'm still here

You turn the page to her and jab the bottom bit several times with your pointer finger.

"Well then," she says, "help me succeed."

===+++===

“And how do you think that made you feel?” Kinbott asks, eyeing her various pages of notes to the left of you. Some of the other patients in Kinbott’s care had small, yellow folders, but you had a larger red one, with your name in highlighted block letters on the front. It looked like it should’ve had a top secret sticker in the corner, not that you weren’t appreciative about your records being sealed.

You erased the board, writing a single word.

seen

Then, underneath it.

idk, like i was really there?

Kinbott nodded. “You’ve said people often ignore you a lot. Why do you think that is?”

they’re scared. they think i’ll hurt them because they heard rumours about what i did.

i can’t blame them, really

She frowned, wrapping her hands around her knee. “But that’s not really fair, is it? When was the last time you’ve caused damage with your ability, (Y/n)?”

You shrug, thinking for a moment.

about four years

“And you haven’t made any sort of mistakes, right?”

well, no

“Then why should they be afraid of you?” Kinbott asks. She’s leaning forward, looking at you with her eyes softened. “You’ve trained yourself to silently yawn, you don’t cough, you don’t sneeze, you don’t snore. I think you need to trust yourself a little more, (Y/n).”

You shrug again, but don’t write anything down, so Kinbott sighs and sits back in her chair. “Principal Weems says that she has another little Harry Houdini on her hands?”

You write down Wednesday on your board. She nods. “I’m seeing her in a little while, actually.” It makes your eyebrows raise in surprise.

why?

Kinbott shakes her head. “You know I can’t share that. Therapy is private. It seems she doesn’t plan on staying, though. Wednesday has already tried to escape.”

i know.

she asked me to help her

Her eyes scan over the words and then look back up to you, warily. “You know better than to help her, right? Nevermore could be good for Wednesday. And I thought you were actually starting to like it here.”

You nod.

i already said no

it’s too dangerous, in the woods right now. with the attacks and stuff.

“Good. And please, tell Principal Weems if you learn of any plans in the future.” You nod again, much less committed, and Kinbott looks down at her watch. “I’m afraid our time is over, (Y/n),” she says with a smile. “I’ll see you next week.”

You write a quick thank you down and stand, shoving your socks back into your shoes and tugging on your jumper, tucking it underneath the collar of your shirt and fixing your Nevermore tie. Purple stripes was never your pattern, and Weems had long since given up on trying to make you wear the coat. She figured it probably made you less likely to run away.

Wednesday is sitting in the lobby when you get down the stairs, with a bored-looking Weems come to babysit. You send her a glance, and then give Weems a nod of your head in acknowledgment.

She beams back at you. “Ah, (Y/n). We’re here for Miss Addams’ session. If you want to wander around Jericho, we can take you back to the school when we're done, if you’d like.”

You send another look at Wednesday, whose face is just as deadpan and unhappy as before, and shake your head. You point at yourself and then mime walking with your two fingers. Principal Weems frowns, but gives you and okay, and you turn around to leave.

You can feel Wednesday’s eyes on you as you head for the school. You know she's annoyed by your refusal to help her, but you can't exactly tell her why you're refusing either, especially since you're lacking any evidence for your theory. So you just told her no.

===+++===

Even from deep inside the forest, you can hear the carnival. There's a Ferris wheel towering over the trees in front of you, and circus music blasts from a few speakers so that you can faintly hear it amongst the windy branches, leaves blowing along the ground and caressing your shoes from time to time as you walk through the dark.

You're looking for something, anything, indicating someone would've been there. Sheriff Galpin had found all sorts of hikers, recently, all almost unidentifiable, with how bloodied they were, but they had yet to find anyone with a hearing aid, so you were unsatisfied. It was believed he was on vacation, but you knew the old man went to his therapy appointments every single week. He hadn't missed a single day, so you failed to believe that theory. You didn't even know his name, really.

On a tree not too far from you, there was a claw mark sunk deep into the bark, and you looked towards it, at the pattern. The idea a bear was responsible for all the deaths wasn't exactly convincing, and looking at the claws, your doubts only amplified. You pulled out your camera, aiming it towards the mark, ready to snap a shot, when you heard footsteps pounding past you.

"Rowan!" called a voice behind you, and you froze, putting the camera down and flicking your flashlight off. The last thing you needed was word getting out that you were lurking in the woods. People thought you were scary enough.

But the words weren't directed at you. You listened intently, and then you heard the faint but panicked voice again. "Rowan," Wednesday says again, and the moment you realise it's her voice, you take off running towards it.

You find Rowan with his hand held up, crushing Wednesday against a tree, and before you can stop to think, you're rushing forward, shoving him in the back and pushing him into the dirt, where he struggles to catch his breath. The moment his hand splays out in front of him, Wednesday is dropped to the forest floor. You run to her, checking her over quickly for injuries, making sure she can run. When you find none, you grab her arm, hoisting her to her feet. You send a wary look over at Rowan, who's already trying to right himself and take Wednesday's hand in yours, pulling her deeper into the forest.

It isn't long before you hear him calling out. "Wednesday!" he yells, and you freeze, grabbing her by the arm and tugging her behind a tree. You push her flush against the bark and cover her mouth with your hand, getting as close as possible so that you hide better against the trunk. She seems too scared to comment on the touch, eyes wide and chest heaving from the running. You raise your other hand and press your finger to your lips.

"Wednesday, I'm doing Nevermore a favour," he tries again. "One massive favour. You're dangerous. My mother's seen it. I can see it. Anyone who knows you can see it."

Your eyes flicker to Wednesday's in confusion, processing his words. She's staring up at you, eyes dark and full of worry, begging for him not to find you. Any idea you had about her not getting scared goes out the window. She's just as human as you are. You send her a comforting nod, peeking around the tree trunk. Rowan's a few trees away, with his back turned, scouring the area.

You begin to back away from Wednesday, gesturing over your shoulder. If you both can sneak off and go back to the carnival without Rowan noticing, you can ensure safety. She gives a curt nod, letting you take her hand in yours again. You're faster than her, she knows that. You slowly pull her with you, quietly stepping away and towards the fair.

You only make it a few steps, until Wednesday steps on a branch.

The small twig cracks under her boot, and within an instant, Rowan whips his head around to you both, staring back at him like a pair of deer in headlights. He takes a few menacing steps forward. "There you are," he draws out in between wheezy breaths. His hand comes up, ready to crush her, but before he can use his ability, a large, hulking creature grabs him by the leg, whipping him around and down onto the ground.

You and Wednesday watch in horror as Rowan screams, and the creature rears up on its hind legs, coming down and smashing Rowan with its fists. You can hear the crunching of his bones and then the tearing of flesh as the creature's claws dig into the boy's skin. Wednesday's hand is still in yours, and she squeezes it harshly, small black fingernails digging into the back of your hand, pulling you down to the ground with her and then scooting back.

The attack is short but brutal, and you see bits of Rowan's chest go flying and pure red maw. The creature whips around to you when Rowan goes silent, staring at Wednesday with intensity in its big eyes. Then it scrambles off, tearing through the woods and into the darkness.

As soon as it's gone, Wednesday rushes forward in the leaves, going to Rowan's side. You clamber to your feet, watching the direction the creature went with wide eyes. When you turn back to Wednesday, you catch her shoving something in her pocket. You don't ask what it is, but you make a mental note to ask later.

"Please," she says, a bit panicked. Her fingers are coated in Rowan's blood. "Go get Weems."

===+++===

Another not-too-awful thing about Nevermore was the breakfast. You sat at an abandoned picnic table in the corner of the quad, finishing your eggs, when Wednesday slammed her hands down on the wood with a loud thunk. You jumped in your seat, startled by the noise, dropping your egg back onto your plate.

"What exactly did you see last night?" she demanded, glaring.

Your eyes widened at her tone. It was harsher than normal, and she wore her frustration on her sleeve. A few students at nearby tables sent you suspicious and wary glances. Over Wednesday's shoulder, you could see her roommate, Enid, staring at you.

Most important was Weems, who looked down at you from the balcony above. You composed yourself and looked back down to Wednesday, shrugging nonchalantly, as if to say you didn't know.

Wednesday gritted her teeth harder. "But you do know. We saw Rowan get eviscerated by that creature. You were there. So why did you tell Weems you didn't see anything?!"

You furrowed your eyebrows, shaking your head at her, doubling down. This was no place to get into it. No place to tell the truth. You slid your notebook towards her.

i saw him this morning.

She huffed, stomping off. You knew exactly why you saw him that morning, actually. Weems had shown you her powers a time or two, and you knew that 'Rowan' was just her in disguise. But you also didn't know if it was something you wanted to share yet. You, too, had been a bit miffed at seeing Weems pretend to be Rowan, but you also knew Weems' powers gave her an advantage, and you were too loyal to take that away from her. You owed her too much.

The question of why still rang in your mind, though. Why was she so eager to cover it up? She had never at least lied to you, so this lie seemed out of left field.

You saw the fake Rowan several times throughout the day. Each time you did your best to let Weems know you knew, and she seemed wary of you, avoiding you at every intersection. You spent the night thinking, wandering around Nevermore, stopping in the library and pulling out several books.

Wednesday had shoved something in her pocket, something that Rowan had. Something about her dooming Nevermore, about being dangerous. You raked through all the books about prophecies, not finding anything of interest and giving up at around one in the morning. No books were missing a piece of paper, and no books mentioned Wednesday's name. You could find a few references to someone named Goody, but she seemed unimportant among the other Addams ancestors, having been dead for hundreds of years. You made another mental bookmark to look more into it, later.

You trudged back to your dorm, already regretting your choices, considering you had an 8 am class in the morning. The school was peaceful again, and as you climbed the stairs, you could hear the trickle of the fountain.

But the moment your shoe placed itself upon the landing, you froze. Your door hung open slightly, just cracked, and right in the way was the same hand you had seen on your first night. You straightened up, feeling more awake, and more annoyed, now.

You pushed your own door open, knocking loudly on the wood like it wasn't your own room, illustrating your frustration. Wednesday turned towards you, unimpressed. She had your journal in her hands, the other one not meant for your communication but for your theories.

It was open to the photo you had just taken, of the claw mark. Right above it you had put the photo of the deaf old man, and right on the photo of the claw mark, you had 'Rowan' written in red sharpie and underlined several times.

You crossed your arms, glowering at her. The hand scuttled towards her, stopping halfway. "So you were hiding something," Wednesday says. "You know that Rowan isn't Rowan. You know he's dead."

You silently swallow, crossing the room until you are right in front of her. Wednesday's eye contact is intense, and you look down at your own notebook, feeling her watching you as you take it from her hands. You can feel her breath fanning against your face, and she smells like pomegranate and fresh petrichor. You turn the page to the drawing you've made of the creature. It's a little off; some of the details are fuzzy regarding last night. But it's the creature as best as you can remember it, and Wednesday nods.

"That's what I saw, too. That's what I want to find," she says. "That's what you're going to help me find."

This time, you can't find it in yourself to refuse.

===+++===

this was the first episode and a bit of episode 2. i really liked doing the mute reader but boy is it hard to write communication without dialogue. it does so much heavy lifting for characterisation. can't wait to see where this one goes, and it'll probably take me two or three parts to get through the whole season, is my hope.

#letorip #jenna ortega #jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega x you #wednesday addams x reader #wednesday x reader #wednesday addams x you

2K notes · View notes

pathologicalreid · 1 year ago

Note

You write fluff and flangst absolutely amazingly and I’m in awe every dang time!

Buuut since you’ve got spring break coming up, a little fic idea that’s in my head that I’ll never do justice! (If you’re interested)

Fem!reader finding out an adorable way to tell Spencer she’s pregnant. I don’t care if they’re dating or married or what - but like she puts together a crossword, or a puzzle and he just doesn’t get it. (If you wanna throw angst in, he leaves without getting it for a case and then realizes it in the middle of the night.)

puzzling | S.R.

trying to tell Spencer you're pregnant, but he's too concerned with your well-being to fill out your custom crossword puzzle

who? spencer reid x fem!reader category: fluff content warnings: pregnancy and misc. symptoms., talk of fainting and blood tests. word count: 1.69k a/n: welcome back to the spencer reid dilf agenda! i hope this does your request justice and thank you for entrusting me with this idea!!!! <3

you

It was your pride and joy, the collection of folded papers that sat on the kitchen counter, next to a cup of coffee that you had already filled for him.

On your fake newspaper, you had created a custom crossword puzzle. With four very important clues.

Across: “Early stage of life”

Across: “American actress Frances _”

Down: “Must be finished by”

Down: “Veteran’s Day month”

You smiled softly to yourself as you heard Spencer’s footsteps coming down the staircase. Padding over to the kitchen counter, you sat on one of the stools, a cup of tea in front of you.

Before he even looked at the newspaper, Spencer leaned over to kiss you good morning, “You look tired,” he whispered, hooking a finger under your chin as if he were investigating the dark circles underneath your eyes.

“Way to make a girl feel good about herself,” you teased lightly, even though you knew he was right. At least you felt tired.

He rolled his eyes, “You know that’s not what I meant.” Turning to grab his mug of coffee off of the counter, he observed you again, “Are you sure your doctor said nothing was wrong?”

Smiling, you gave him a brief nod. You had gone to see your doctor a few days ago for nausea and fatigue, and Spencer would’ve gone with you had he not been on the other side of the country on a case. “They’re running some tests, but they didn’t see anything blatantly wrong,” the doctor was running a few blood tests, checking your iron levels and HCG.

Using his free hand, Spencer reached over and moved a lock of hair out of your face, “They said your blood pressure was low?”

Low blood pressure, as it turned out, was a pregnancy symptom that was most common in the first trimester. “You’re freaking out over nothing, Spence,” you told him. Really, it was something. A rather large something – or small, depending on how you wanted to look at it. “Come on, it’s crossword time,” you told him, using the end of the pen to tap on the newspaper.

“I worry about you when I’m away. You do know that low blood pressure can cause syncope, right? Did they prescribe you anything for it?” He asked, ignoring your wishes to move on and do the crossword.

There was a small part of you that just wanted to tell him, but frankly, you had worked too hard on the crossword puzzle to give yourself away like that. You couldn’t tell him that they didn’t prescribe you anything because they didn’t know how far along you were. A larger part of you knew that if you just got him to work on the puzzle, he would have his answers in about seven minutes.

Then his phone rang, he pulled the device out of his pocket, and the Caller ID on the screen caused you to slump your shoulders forward. It was Garcia. “Hey Garcia,” he greeted on the phone, “at the tarmac?”

You set your head on the counter and sighed in defeat as Spencer hung up the phone.

“Are you alright?” He asked you softly, tenderly wrapping an arm around your torso.

Humming, you sat back up, ignoring the stars in your field of vision as you did so. “I’m fine, you should go,” you insisted.

Spencer shook his head, “No, you’re sick. I’ll call Garcia back and tell her I have to stay back.” Acting bewildered at the idea that he had been so remiss as to agree to do his job while you were unwell.

You reached out and set a hand on his, “It’s alright, love. I can take care of myself,” you reminded him. Besides the fact that you were wholly self-sufficient, the only reason why Spencer would be asked to meet the team at the tarmac was if they were headed toward a particularly gnarly case – they needed all hands on deck.

“Promise me you’ll check in? Call your mom if you need any help, please,” he requested, pleading eyes following you as you got up to hug him.

Nodding, you wrapped your arms around him, “You should take the crossword with you.” Pulling away, you haphazardly refolded the newspaper and handed it to him.

Furrowing his brow, Spencer inspected the paper that you had given him. “We always do the crossword together on Saturdays,” he found you incredibly helpful on the pop culture clues. “We could save this one and then have two for next week,” he offered.

God. No. Your eyes widened at the idea of having to keep your secret for another week, shaking your head, you shrugged, “No, you should take it. It’ll make me look forward to next week even more,” you insisted.

He folded, and with a sweet kiss to the forehead, he was off to go save lives, remaining entirely unaware of the one growing inside of you.

him

The judgmental Italian behind him was proving to be a distraction, “Did you find something?” Spencer asked, eyeing the evidence board with frustration. Something bugged him about the case, and he couldn’t figure out exactly what it was.

“Not right now, but it’s three in the morning,” Rossi said, joining Spencer by the evidence board. “Why don’t you give that big brain of yours a break?”

Shaking his head, Spencer crossed his arms in front of his chest, “I tried. I can’t stop thinking about the case.” Men were popping up dead in a small Missouri town at an alarming rate, and he felt so close to a breakthrough.

Dave nodded like he understood the feeling, that was probably why he had emerged from his hotel room so early, returning to the precinct before the sun peeked over the horizon. “What do you usually do to wind your brain down?”

Raising his eyebrows, Spencer shrugged, “Crossword puzzles,” he admitted, any word puzzle would do the trick.

The chuckle from the older man next to him startled Spencer, “Now, why doesn’t that surprise me?” Rossi looked around the precinct, “I’m sure we can find one around here somewhere.”

“No,” Spencer said, “I have one in my bag, actually.” He refrained from including the detail that you had given him the crossword puzzle, or else he’d never hear the end of it.

Clapping him on the back, Rossi lifted his coffee cup, “Then I suggest you go take the thirty seconds to fill out that puzzle and then get some rest.”

Once he was back in his hotel room, he changed before pulling out the pile of papers that you had sent him off with. Sitting on top of the bed, he filled out the puzzle in approximately six minutes and forty-three seconds. Once the letters were filled in, he skimmed the puzzle – just to check it over.

The only one that might’ve given him trouble was about an American actress – usually he had you to help him with pop culture, but he recalled having the same last name as an actress in Days of Our Lives.

It was interesting that the words “Baby” and “Reid” were right next to each other.

Wait.

Quickly, he calculated the odds that the words “Baby” “Reid” “Due” and “November” were all in the puzzle and when the numbers were put together, they made your anniversary. Spencer just as quickly called you, listening to the phone ringing.

His heart was racing as he waited to see if you answered the phone. “Hey,” your groggy voice came through the receiver.

“Where did you get this crossword puzzle?” He asked you, flipping through the rest of the newspaper for the first time.

You hummed softly, “You’re doing it right now?”

Looking at the alarm clock on his bedside table, he dropped his face into his hands. “I’m sorry, love. I didn’t even think about the time,” it was just past four in the morning now, making it just past five in the morning in Virginia. “I just thought that…” his voice trailed off. What if it was just a coincidence?

There was silence on your end of the call, and he wondered if you had fallen asleep. You hadn’t been feeling well, and he’d woken you up with his phone call. “You thought what, Spence?”

The teasing lilt in your voice had given you away to him immediately. He knew. Every one of his suspicions were confirmed, “Y/N Reid,” he breathed.

“Spencer Reid,” you countered.

He took a deep breath, “Are you pregnant?”

“Yeah,” you answered simply, with about as much enthusiasm as he expected from you at five in the morning.

It all started to make sense to him. The low blood pressure, the drowsiness, and even the slight caginess when it came to him asking about your doctor’s visit. He swiped away a few stray tears, “I don’t know what to say.” It wasn’t a feeling he was overly used to.

You cleared your throat, “Are you happy?” Nerves clouded your voice, and he could hear you becoming more awake – more alert.

“I am,” he searched aimlessly. Elated. Thrilled. Ecstatic. “I’m so happy,” he told you, at a loss for words. “I don’t know what to say, I just… God, are you okay?” Dread washed over him, you were alone, sick, and pregnant at home and he was halfway across the country.

Sighing, he heard a ruffling on the other end of the call. “I’m great. I’m exhausted, I had no idea being pregnant was so tiring. I mean, I knew, but I didn’t know.” You sighed again, “I’m not making any sense.”

He laughed lightly at your rambling, “You’re making perfect sense. Chances are your energy will return during the second trimester.”

“Don’t get my hopes up.” You paused again for just a moment, “I’m sorry if I scared you. With the whole doctor’s appointment thing. They really are keeping an eye on my blood pressure and whole slew of other things, but they know the root cause.”

A giddy smile grew on his face, “It’s because you’re pregnant.”

A soft hum came through the phone, “It’s because I’m pregnant,” you concurred.

4K notes · View notes

thinkinonsense · 7 months ago

Text

VELVET ELVIS ❤︎

lumberjack!logan howlett x fem!reader

cw: fluff! domesticity! soft!logan pregnancy

author's note: this was inspired by the kacey musgraves song! just wanted to write some fluff :)

masterlist

divider credit: @/roseraris

within these cabin walls, time stood still. logan liked his life and the time machine he's built himself. you and him live in a 60's dream home.

during the weekdays, logan went to work at the lumberyard while you stayed at home and worked on your paintings. when the two of you moved in together years ago, logan got you to agree to quit your job and prioritize your talents since he could do triple the amount of work for a normal man, money would never be an issue.

on saturday's, the two of you would go into town and you would bring your art pieces to a shop downtown for them to sell. whatever money you made, you put back towards the supplies you needed because logan covered everything else.

"well, don't 'cha look like a dream" logan compliments as he watches you get ready in the mirror.

"thank you, sugar." you smile as he leans down to kiss your temple then down to your cheek.

"prettiest fuckin' thing i've ever seen." he mutters against your skin. "is this new?"

both your eyes fall to the satin powder blue slip dress that adorned your frame. he loved how it looked with your pretty white mary jane boots and the small bump blooming underneath the soft material of your dress.

"yeah, picked it up earlier this week." you reply, removing the curlers in your hair and teasing the hair pieces up high.

"love it." logan says, nibbling at your earlobe.

"logan..." you giggle, lightly shoving him away. "go get dressed so we can leave."

"yes, ma'am."

reluctantly, logan gets up and grabs the nice outfit you put together for him earlier. a fresh pair of denim jeans, a white shirt, and his brown leather jacket. as an anniversary present one year, you got logan a silver star-shaped belt buckle that matched the necklace he got for your birthday when you two first met. in the mirror, you watched him put it on.

"whatcha thinkin' about over there, sweetheart?" he smirks, looking up to find your eyes.

"dippin' you in honey."

"dirty. i like it."

"not like that, perv." you giggle. "just wanna be stuck to you forever."

"that's sweet," he says, walking over, bending down, and gently grabbing your chin to kiss you.

✦•┈๑⋅⋯ ⋯⋅๑┈•✦

once the two of you make it inside the tiny shop, logan brings in your painting while you greet the older ladies who own the building. all of them fawn over logan and your round tummy; telling you how lucky you are. something you never let yourself forget.

"you'll never believe what we picked up at the gala last weekend." one of the grey-haired women tells you.

"what did you two find?" you asked, always curious to their treasures.

"the hell kinda painting is this?" logan asks, looking sideways at one of the paintings on the wall.

the sight makes you laugh. no matter how long you two have been together, logan still struggles to see some of the beauty that you do in certain art pieces.

"i think the handsome lumberjack found it." the other lady winked as they guide you over to where logan stood. hanging upon the wall sat a velvet elvis painting.

"oh my!" you gasp.

ever since you were a little girl, you adored the painting that some would call 'tacky'.

"you like that, sweets?" he questions but you ignore it, stepping closer, running a finger along the golden frame.

"my grandma used to have one in her living room, it was her most prized possession –well, next to my grandpa."

behind you, logan could see the couple smiling to each other. too busy amazed by the painting to notice anything else around you.

“what a lucky find!” you marvel, turning around to face them.

“which is why we want you to have it.” one of them says while the other takes it down from the wall.

in shock, you shake your head insisting that you couldn’t allow them to give it away. they insist on you two taking it home, telling you to hang it somewhere nice. logan wasn’t exactly thrilled to have the painting in the home but he knew you adored it so he would never say a word out loud.

on the way home that night, you raved about the piece. logan loved hearing you talk about the things you were passionate about. he could listen to you explain color theory for hours. his own personal, prettier version of bob ross. when he brought in the painting, you told him exactly where you wanted to hang it in the living room.

“right there, baby.” you instruct him. “be careful.”

the man couldn’t be hurt if he tried but he found your warning cute. once it was hung up, you both step back to admire it. the art work did at least match the aesthetic of the house, logan could admit.

“i mean, its no mona lisa but i don’t mind it.” logan says, pulling you in to kiss your forehead.

“you know, i don’t really care for the mona lisa.” you admit with a shrug.

“really?”

“mhm, don’t like that everyone fawns over it. i want character, creativity, and something unique."

"hm.." he hums, swaying you gently.

"this painting reminds me of you." your voice meek and muffled against his shirt.

"is that so?" he asks, looking down at you.

you nod. "i want something no one else has and something no one else will ever understand the way that i do. you're my favorite work of art, lo."

"i'm only a work of art because you carved and molded me with your beautiful mind." he says, trying to allow a tear to fall down his face.

logan couldn't believe the life he'd been gifted after all the shit he's dealt with in his lifetime. he didn't deserve this; he didn't deserve you. your kindness, your warmth, your talent, your body that carries the only other human he will ever love as much as you. he would never be able to repay you for this little life and slice of peace that you've gifted him.

1K notes · View notes

hxlxnaaa · 1 month ago

Text

𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐛 ─ ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ─ 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬

★ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: it's your senior year at the aerospace academy, and over the course of nine months, your connection with caleb shifts from mere classmates and acquaintances to something deeper. but there's one problem—the girl he loves back home.

★ 𝐜𝐰/𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: first person pov, non-mc reader, feminine implied reader, some connections to caleb’s 4-star tender moments, angst/hurt + no comfort, kinda long but fast paced

★ 𝐰𝐜: 11.1k

★ 𝐚/𝐧: longest fic i've written yet, go me woot woot :p i wanted to write heartbreak so here it is. pls do not have your therapist bill me, thx! anyways when caleb goes, ‘i wont get a girlfriend’ in stage observer, he sounds kinda down, right? yeah imagine hes thinking about you (the reader) in this as he says that LOL. okay, (try to) enjoy lovelies!! <3

𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠, 𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐬𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝!

I never believed I’d let something like this happen to me.

Yet it crept in quietly, the way all irreversible things do. A shift so subtle I almost missed it, until I was already too deep to turn back.

It was in the lingering glances, in the way the air felt charged in the spaces between us. In the laughter that came too easily, the silences that felt safe, the moments that stretched just a little too long. It was in the way he looked at me; like maybe, for a second, he saw something more.

But love, if you can call it that, isn’t always kind. Sometimes, it’s a quiet war. A battle between logic and longing, between what’s real and what’s only ever been wishful thinking. And when the person you want is still holding onto someone else, someone they can’t seem to let go of, where does that leave you?

I swore I’d keep my balance; though gravity has a mind of its own.

August-

It was breezy, as are most August days in Skyhaven. Fumbling my fingers through my hair, desperately trying to comb through any loose strands from the wind, I tried to make myself look somewhat presentable for my first day of classes. It was senior year, and I wanted to make the most of it for once, as it felt like the past few years had been me barely passing by.

I sat down in the lecture hall, music blaring through my headphones as I fidgeted nervously with the pen in my hand. It wasn’t long before a figure sat next to me in my peripheral, and I internally groaned.

‘You have this whole ass lecture hall with so many empty seats in this row, and you sit right next to me. Dick.’ I thought to myself.

Seeing the person tap on my desk, I glanced over to notice it was Caleb.

We had crossed paths before, orbiting the same social circles through mutual friends. Our interactions had been fleeting, exchanged pleasantries at gatherings or brief moments of conversation that never really dug beneath the surface.

His lips moved as he spoke but I didn’t hear a word he said over the sound of my music. I pulled one of the speakers off my ear, “What?”

“Well first I said ‘hey, what's up?’, then told you I’m glad to know someone in this class.” Caleb smiled, “But then I realized you weren’t listening.”

His grin was infectious. Then again, everything about him was. Caleb was a campus favorite, and for good reason; his effortless charm and magnetic charisma drew everyone in, leaving them captivated.

I smiled back, “I would’ve listened, I just couldn’t hear you.”

“Shoulda tapped you sooner then.”

We talked as more people trickled in, and conversation with him flowed effortlessly. He was almost unfairly likable, the kind of person who won people over without even trying, it was no wonder he had everyone wrapped around his finger.

“Yeah, I failed this class the first time around, so if I want to graduate this spring, I have to finally retake it,” Caleb sighed, shaking his head. “The Caleb failed a class? No way…” Gasping, I clutched my chest in mock shock. “I had no idea you were even capable of failure, Mr. Perfect.”

His lips twitched into a smile at the nickname, but his eyes betrayed him. He shrugged, “Well, I can do it this time around.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I totally didn’t realize I needed this credit.” I poked his hand resting on his desk with my pen, “We’re in this together.”

The professor was about halfway through the syllabus when Caleb started writing on my notebook.

Do you have class after this?

I looked over at him, mouthing “No”. Not for a few hours, I wrote back.

Hangout with me after this then

And that’s how I ended up sitting in the quad with Caleb, with the itchy grass prickling my legs and a sweating can of soda in my hand beneath the warm August sun. Yet Caleb’s presence was still warmer; my cheeks and stomach hurt from laughter, and every giggle of mine only fueled the fire of his jokes.

As the laughter died down, Caleb leaned back on his hands, squinting up at the sky. “Man, I forgot how nice it is to just sit around like this on campus. No deadlines yet, no stress… just kinda existing.”

I took a sip of my soda, nudging his knee with mine. “You make it sound like you’re constantly suffering.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “I mean, maybe a little. Gotta keep up the ‘Mr. Perfect’ image, right?”

I tilted my head, studying him. For a second, he looked almost… tired. Like there was more he wanted to say but wasn’t sure how.

“You know you don’t have to be perfect all the time, right?” I said, softer now. “You’re allowed to mess up. You’re allowed to breathe.”

He glanced at me, something flickering in his eyes—surprise, maybe. Or relief. Then, just as quickly, his signature grin returned. “Good to know I’ve got my personal cheerleader.”

I rolled my eyes, but my smile gave me away. “More like your reality check.”

“Even better.” He bumped his shoulder against mine, before laying down on the ground. The sunlight hit his eyes just right, making them glimmer like polished amethyst. With his brown hair tousled against the grass and his shirt riding up just enough to reveal a hint of skin, it wasn’t hard to see why all the girls fawned over him. When it came to looks, Caleb really did live up to the whole Mr. Perfect thing.

“What about you?” Caleb glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. “What’s your kryptonite?”

I raised a brow. “Come again?”

He smirked. “Your weakness. What takes you down every time?”

I pretended to think it over, then shot him a cheeky grin. “Probably failure.”

Caleb let out a soft laugh, propping his head up on his elbow. “Alright, I’m sensing some hypocrisy here.”

“It’s not hypocrisy,” I defended, shrugging. “I just fail to take my own advice.”

He tapped his chin, feigning deep thought. “Mm, no, that just makes you a hypocrite. But hey, at least you’re self-aware, Miss perfect.”

Something between us just clicked, that unspoken feeling when you know you’re going to get along with someone. Nothing about our conversation felt forced, it unfolded with an ease that caught us both off guard. I don’t think either of us saw this coming, but somehow, it just made sense.

And so it continued; messing around with Caleb in class, then hanging out in the quad afterward. Our dynamic quickly shifted from casual acquaintances to good friends as our connection bled beyond the classroom. The progression was almost rapid; natural, but undeniable.

Conversations with him came naturally, filled with dry humor, shared ambition, and the kind of unspoken understanding that made being around each other feel easy. We started saving seats for each other without thinking, sharing notes even when we both knew we hadn’t written anything useful, and lingering just a little longer after class, stretching out the moments before we had to part ways.

Afternoons in the quad turned into grabbing coffee, which turned into late-night study sessions that often had more laughing than actual studying. It wasn’t just that we got along; we started to seek each other out, gravitating toward one another like it was the most natural thing in the world.

It wasn’t just about sharing space; it was about the way we easily fit into each other’s lives like we had always been meant to.

I found myself opening up in ways I never had before, trusting Caleb with thoughts I usually kept locked away. And in return, he let me see past the carefully constructed walls he had built.

I learned a lot about Caleb in our time spent together; I learned about his dreams and aspirations, his worries and fears, his home back in Linkon and how much of it still clung to him.

And her.

I learned about her.

MC; the kind of nickname all the cool girls had, lifted from their initials like it had always belonged to them. She was innocent, pretty, just the right balance of book-smart and blissfully unaware. The kind of girl who never had to try too hard because the world seemed to bend in her favor. She was perfect in that way, and maybe that’s why Caleb felt like he had to be perfect, too.

She had been his childhood friend, raised alongside him by his gran, their lives tangled together like roots beneath the same old house.

“She’s your sister?” I had asked, unsure of the dynamic.

Caleb hesitated, something unreadable flickering across his face. “No,” he said finally, his voice careful. “Not really. We just grew up together.”

She was everything to him, the quiet force that shaped him in ways he probably didn’t even realize. Everything he did, every careful step he took, was in her image. And suddenly, it all made sense.

The way Caleb kept people at arm’s length, the reason he didn’t have many real friends at the Academy. It wasn't because he didn’t want them, it was because a part of him was still anchored somewhere else; belonged to someone else.

Once, we had sat on the steps outside one of the buildings, his elbows on his knees, staring out at nothing in particular.

“You never really let people in.” I looked over at him, my statement coming out of nowhere.

He let out a short breath, almost a laugh, but there was no humor in it. “Was it that obvious?”

“I didn’t get it back then. Thought maybe you just had too many friends to be really close with any of them.”

He was quiet for a moment, then shook his head. “It wasn’t that,” he admitted. “I just… I already had MC. Growing up the way we did, it was always just us. I guess I never really learned how to need anyone else.”

I glanced at him, but his eyes stayed on the horizon, lost in something I couldn’t see.

“You still do that, you know,” I said. “Keep people just enough away.”

He swallowed hard, rubbing a hand over his jaw. “Yeah,” he murmured. “Some habits don’t go away easy.”

“So why am I an exception?”

Caleb exhaled slowly, rubbing his hands together. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “Maybe because you didn’t try to push your way in. You just… stayed.”

I frowned. “That’s it?”

He shook his head, a small, almost self-conscious smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “No. It’s more than that.” He glanced at me then, something raw in his eyes. “You just understand the way I think, and nobody has before.”

A silence stretched between us, thick with things neither of us knew how to say.

“You make it sound like some big thing,” I murmured. “Like I did something special.”

He tilted his head slightly, considering me. “Maybe you did.”

His words awakened something in me, an ache settling in my chest. A quiet, gnawing feeling that signaled the start of an internal war; one I never really meant to step into, but quickly became hard to ignore. A silent competition I didn’t sign up for, but suddenly felt compelled to win.

It wasn’t against MC, not even Caleb himself.

But against the undeniable truth that no matter how close we got, I may never be the one he chooses.

September-

I barely notice the shift at first; the way August hands things off to September, smooth and effortless, like they’ve done this a million times before. Like they were always meant to meet. It feels familiar in a way I can’t explain, like stepping into a conversation that’s already halfway finished but somehow still knowing exactly what’s being said.

Things with Caleb had settled into a familiar rhythm. On campus, we were either together or in class, our days stitched together by shared moments. Being with him was refreshing, like the first warm breeze after a long winter, a quiet promise that brighter days were ahead. Silence with him was never awkward; it was understood. He always seemed to know what I was thinking, what I meant to say, even when I didn’t say it aloud.

I’d known Caleb for a while, but the way we grew close so quickly felt natural, like we’d been moving toward this all along. It was as if there had always been a space in my mind shaped just for him, waiting for the right moment for him to step in.

The cloudy sky above turned dark with the impending storm coming, but in a rush to meet Caleb, I had hardly noticed until I was halfway to his dorm. Cursing to myself, I silently tried to manifest the rain would hold off until I got back to my own dorm later.

It was movie day; every Friday afternoon after Caleb and I finished with our classes for the day we would have lunch and watch a movie. He was on hosting duty this week, and his dorm was on the other side of campus. If I got caught in this rain, I’d still have a bit of a walk in the storm before I arrived.

Almost as if laughing at me, the sky cracked with lightning and thunder rumbled, and I heard the pouring of rain before I felt it.

“Shit!” I picked up the pace, my sneakers splashing through puddles forming on the sidewalks as I started to run. Thunder booming in the sky, I mentally prepared to get struck by lightning and hoped I would be eaten by the campus birds before anyone found my body.

Trying to take a shortcut through the grass was the worst decision I could have made, as I wasn’t even two feet from the sidewalk before I slipped, landing on my back and getting waterboarded by the sky. “Argh!” I screeched, tears of frustration welling in the corners of my eyes. I sat up, glaring at the students staring at me as they passed by with their umbrellas.

My whole body was drenched by the time I was outside of Caleb’s; my hair, jeans, and sweater caked with mud (and probably a few stray leaves).

Making my way upstairs, my cheeks were pink from the cold and embarrassment as everyone in the building looked at me with confusion as my clothes and hair dripped all over the floor.

Caleb swung the door open before I could knock, something he’d do as he watched for me through the peephole in his door. Looking me up and down, the corners of his mouth twitched upward as he coughed, stifling a laugh.

He leaned against his door frame, “What happened here?”

“Shut up.” I pushed past him, annoyed but a bit guilty as I continued to drip all over his floor.

“You look like a sad wet cat,” Caleb patted my wet hair, frowning when he saw I was shivering, “a cold, sad wet cat.”

He started to rummage around the room, going through his drawers and closet, pulling out clothes. Tossing them at me, he pointed to the bathroom, “Go shower, I don’t want you all soppin’ wet on my stuff.”

I glanced at the clothes he handed me; hoodie, sweatpants…his boxers?

“Um, Caleb-”

He shook his head, “It’s only weird if you make it weird.”

Pursing my lips together I nodded, heading into the bathroom. I called out to him, “Caleb, do you have a towel?”

“Just use the one in there.”

Okay, we were close, but I wasn’t aware we had crossed into this land.

Peeling my clothes from my body, I threw them into a pile in the corner. I nearly moaned when the hot water hit my skin, and basked in the feeling for a bit. I stared at Caleb’s shampoo and body wash, conflicted on if I should actually use them or just try to rinse myself off the best I could.

Feeling the mud and tangles in my hair, I accepted defeat.

By the time I was done, clad in Caleb’s warm clothes with every inch of me smelling like him, it felt like he was smothering me. Like I was enveloped in one of his bear hugs.

I looked at myself in the mirror, and I felt my heart jump a bit. There was something about wearing a boy’s clothes as is, but Caleb’s clothes?

A bit ago, I had felt the shift before I could name it.

It’s in the way my eyes flick to my phone more often than before, in the way my chest tightens, just a little, when his name lights up my screen. It’s in the way my pulse stirs when I spot him at our usual spot in the library, twirling a pen between his fingers like he’s been waiting for me. Like he knew I’d show up (and he always did).

And maybe that’s what unsettles me the most, not just that I notice these things, but that a part of me already expects them. Like I’ve been pavloved.

It was ignorable at first, but it’s become this nagging feeling at the back of my mind. A tugging at my heart. It’s annoying, like a mosquito buzzing in my ear that’s too quick for me to smack it away.

The feeling that I didn’t want to just be friends anymore.

Coming out of the bathroom, Caleb was already sitting on the floor in front of his bed with two cups of tea and food, and my mouth watered when I saw he made my favorite.

He smiled at me, something unreadable flickering in his eyes. “You look pretty good in those.”

Heat crept up my neck, and I let out a nervous laugh. “You’re just saying that because I look like you.”

“Maybe, maybe not.” Caleb nodded toward the bathroom. “Your hair’s still wet. Grab the towel.”

“It’s fine,” I shrugged. “It’s not that bad.”

He raised an eyebrow, arms crossing over his chest. “You already got caught in the rain once. Stay damp any longer, and you’ll catch a cold.” Then, with a cheeky grin, he added, “And I can’t be left alone in class. That’d be tragic.”

Rolling my eyes, I turned on my heel, grabbed the towel, and tossed it at him. “Right, of course. That’s all I am to you, entertainment in class.”

“For sure,” he said smoothly, catching the towel with ease. “Now sit.”

I sat beside him, reaching for the towel, but before I could take it, his hands found my shoulders, gently turning me away. I barely had time to protest before he took the towel himself, carefully running it through my damp hair.

“Caleb, I can do it myself—” I started, trying to shift back, but his grip was steady.

“Shush,” he murmured. “Let me help.”

I could have argued, but the warmth of his touch, the slow, deliberate way he moved, made it impossible to resist. My shoulders relaxed as he worked, the soft scratch of the towel against my scalp lulling me into stillness. Silence settled between us, easy and unspoken, the only sound the steady rhythm of rain tapping against the window. It was peaceful, grounding. For a moment, I let myself sink into it, let myself be cared for.

Before long Caleb tugged on a strand of my hair, “Okay, done.”

“Thank you” I pinched his cheek, his lips curved upwards and his eyes went soft.

“Now, what should we watch?”

“Nothing crazy, I don’t think my brain can function right now after today.”

Caleb laughed, flicking through the movies, before settling on some random cartoon. I sighed dramatically when I took a bite of the food he made, “Caleb, you’ve outdone yourself yet again.”

He looked at me mischievously before stealing a bite, and I punched his shoulder, “You have your own!”

His phone lit up and I saw the name, looking away as he picked it up to respond to the incoming texts.

MC.

A wedge of jealousy crept up my throat. It was our movie time, and here she was, almost on cue.

I always listen—really listen—when he talks about her. About how much she means to him, how she’s one of the only constants in his life. And it stings, sharper than I expect, because I want to be that constant. I don’t say it, of course. Instead, I throw myself deeper into the friendship, as if proving my place will make it true.

I laugh at his jokes a little too hard. Memorize the way he takes his coffee without meaning to. Notice the small things that make him tick, the way his expression shifts when he’s lost in thought, the songs he hums under his breath.

The internal competition I created against her wasn’t intentional, but once I noticed it, everything about it became hard to unsee.

He sets his phone down just as quickly as he picked it up, shooting me an apologetic look. “Sorry, MC just had a question about something.”

‘That stupid question could’ve waited’, I think, irritation curling in my chest. But I shove it down, nudging his shoulder with a forced smile. “S’alright. Everything okay?”

“Yeah, all good.” He settles back into the movie, but I barely hear it now. The feeling of her lingers, clinging to the space between us, and I try to shake it off.

His presence beside me soothes the sting, like a bandage over a wound, and I start to loosen up, letting my head rest against the bed. The warmth of his clothes, the comfort of a full stomach, the quiet rhythm of rain against the window; it all starts to pull me under, drowsiness settling into my bones. My eyelids grow heavy, and I barely register the way Caleb shifts beside me.

“Sleepy?” His voice is soft, almost amused.

I peek one eye open, managing a lazy smile. “A bit.”

Without a word, he moves closer, wrapping an arm around the back of my neck. His hand finds the side of my head, cradling it gently as he guides me to rest against his shoulder. The touch is careful, deliberate, something more than our usual play punches and casual grabs in a crowd. This is different. More intimate.

For a moment, I forgot about the competition. Because my head fits perfectly in the crook of his neck, and the slow, absentminded way his fingers trace shapes on my shoulder feels so easy, so natural. He watches the TV like this is nothing new, like having me this close is just the way things are meant to be. And for the first time I let myself believe, just for a second, that maybe he feels the same way about me too.

October-

There's a charge in the air alongside the change in leaves, a quiet pull I feel every time Caleb leans in a little too close or looks at me like I’m the only person in the room.

But then, there’s her.

She’s not here, but she is. Always lingering in the pauses between sentences, in the spaces Caleb leaves open without realizing it. She’s in the way his face softens when he says her name, in the light that sparks behind his eyes when he talks about her. And I hate how it makes me feel; petty, ridiculous, like I’ve stumbled into a battle I was never meant to fight.

I just can’t shake it.

Because lately, there’s been something else. An even bigger shift, subtle, but impossible to ignore. The way his hand lingers a beat too long when he passes me something, like he’s reluctant to let go. The way his gaze finds me, even in a crowded room, like I’m the only person worth looking at. The late-night texts, filled with thoughts that could have waited but never do.

Maybe I’m imagining it. Maybe I’m just reading too much into things, seeing what I want to see. But a part of me, deep down, knows he feels this too.

My phone began to ring as I was getting ready for the Senior Gala the Academy holds every year for those graduating in the spring.

“Yes?” I already know who it is without looking.

Caleb’s voice drifts through the speaker, soft and warm. “Are you almost ready, honey?” The pet name catches me off guard, a shy smile pulling at my lips before I can stop it. He’d started using it recently, and I hadn’t dared to question it out of the fear it would stop.

He was my date tonight (as friends of course), and I was running a little behind.

“I still have to finish my makeup, do my hair, and put on my dress,” I groaned in frustration, “I’m sorry Caleb, I’m trying to go as fast as I can.”

He laughs sweetly, “Well, I’m almost there. I can help you out.”

“Help me…?”

“Yep, Captain Caleb is gonna be there to save the night. See you soon!”

The phone clicks before I can respond, and not a moment later, Caleb is strolling through my door like he owns the place.

I turned to face him, and my breath caught in my throat. His suit was a deep navy that matched my dress, the rich fabric adorned with his pilot and aviator pins. His hair, tousled yet intentional, framed a face that always felt like home. Caleb stood there composed, sharp but still him; and there was something about the way the badges gleamed against his chest that nearly brought me to my knees.

His gaze sweeps over my desk, taking in the chaos of makeup scattered around, before pausing on my curling iron.

“Is this plugged in?” He picks it up, inspecting it.

“Caleb, you are not putting that anywhere near my head.” I instinctively flinch as he reaches for a lock of my hair.

But he’s quick, his hand firmly grasping the top of my head, holding it still. “I always helped MC with her hair. I know my way around a curling iron.”

The words land harder than he meant, and I can’t help but squint at him, a frown tugging at my lips. He misreads it, thinking I’m questioning him, and gives me a serious look.

“Trust me here.”

I let the assumption hang in the air, letting him believe my discontent is just doubt. I sigh, giving in, “Alright, but if you make me look bad for my Senior Gala, I will hate you forever.”

He starts to section my hair and I raise my brows in approval, ‘Okay, yeah,’ I think, ‘Maybe he does have this’.

Caleb’s touch is gentle as I apply my mascara and lipstick, careful not to mess me up, his hands steady as he moves around me. It doesn’t take long before he pulls back, setting the curling iron down as I finish up with the last touches of my makeup.

“We make a pretty good team, don’t we?” His hands rest on my shoulders as he leans down, chin lightly resting on the top of my head, both of us watching our reflection in the mirror.

I tilt my head, inspecting my hair with a playful smile, running my fingers through a few strands. “I suppose you did an okay job.”

He pinches the bridge of my nose, a mock scowl crossing his face. Laughing, I stand up, reaching for my dress hanging in the closet.

I headed to the bathroom, “I’ll be out in a sec.”

I slipped the dress on, the blue silk molding to my body, the delicate sleeves draping off my shoulders. It was beautiful, I was beautiful; but as I caught my reflection, doubt crept in. Would I look out of place next to Caleb? He was all polished perfection, and I was just… me. Not bad, but not him.

She would look perfect beside him.

‘No.’ I straightened my shoulders. ‘I’m Caleb’s date tonight, not her. He could have asked her, but he didn’t. He chose me. It’s just us.’

Fumbling with the zipper, I let out a frustrated breath before finally pulling the door open. “Caleb, can you help me with this?”

His head snapped up, eyes widening as a flush crept up his cheeks. “Of course.”

Caleb stepped forward, hesitating for just a moment before his fingers brushed against my back. His touch was warm, a stark contrast to the cool fabric clinging to my skin. Gently, he gathered the dress, his knuckles ghosting along my spine as he found the zipper.

I held my breath.

Slowly, he pulled it up, the quiet sound of the zipper filling the space between us. With each inch, his fingertips lingered, tracing the curve of my back, sending shivers down my arms. My skin felt hypersensitive, like every nerve was tuned to him and him alone.

When he reached the top, he didn’t step away. Instead, his fingers grazed the nape of my neck, adjusting the fabric, smoothing it into place. His breath was warm against my shoulder, his voice barely above a whisper.

“There,” he murmured. “Perfect.”

I turned slightly, just enough to catch his gaze. His eyes flickered down to my lips, then back up, as if caught in some silent battle with himself. The air between us was thick, charged, pulling me toward him.

“Thank you,” I said softly, my voice barely steady.

His hand lingered for just a second longer before he finally let go, stepping back, but not too far. Not far at all.

I turned around slowly, my heart pounding as I met his gaze. His eyes traced the length of me, starting at the hem of my dress and lingering as they traveled upward, taking in every detail before finally meeting mine.

Caleb swallowed, his lips parting slightly as if he had something to say but couldn’t quite find the words. Then, as if shaken from a spell, he smiled—soft, almost bashful.

“You look beautiful.”

His voice was quiet, reverent, like he wasn’t just saying it, but feeling it. Like the words weren’t enough to capture what he saw.

Warmth spread through me, creeping up my neck, and for a moment, I forgot how to breathe. I’d spent so much time wondering if I looked right beside him, if I fit; but now, standing here, bathed in the glow of his gaze, I didn’t feel out of place.

I felt chosen.

“Hold your compliments until you’ve seen the whole look,” I teased, holding up a finger to silence him. “I still need to put on my shoes and pins.”

Caleb smirked. “Need help with those too?”

I rolled my eyes. “I think I can manage strapping on my own heels and pinning a badge to my dress, thanks.”

“I’m not so sure about that.” He plucked my heels off the dresser, twirling them lazily around his finger, his gaze practically daring me to challenge him.

I huffed but gave in, sinking into my chair. “Fine.”

Caleb knelt in front of me, his fingers warm as they wrapped around my ankle, steady but gentle as if I were something delicate. He slipped the first shoe on, fastening the strap with practiced ease.

“I can do most things myself, y’know,” I muttered, though my voice lacked its usual bite.

“I know.” His fingers lingered against my skin for a fraction too long before he reached for the second shoe. “I just like to be helpful.”

But he still wouldn’t look at me when he said it, and something about the way his voice softened made me think he wasn’t just talking about shoes.

I stood as he finished, reaching for my pins amidst the clutter of my desk and fastening them carefully over my heart. Turning to the mirror, I shifted from side to side, checking every angle, making sure everything was just right.

I glanced back at Caleb. “Are you sure I look okay?”

Without hesitation, he took my hand and lifted it into the air. “Twirl. Let me see.”

I spun for him, the silk of my dress catching the light, and when I turned back, there was something bright in his eyes, something warm, something real.

“You look more than okay,” he said, voice sure with conviction. “I promise.”

I held out my pinky. “Pinky promise?”

He grinned, hooking his finger around mine. “Pinky promise.”

“Lock it,” I reminded him, and he chuckled before pressing his thumb against mine, sealing the deal.

His fingers lingered for a second before he gave my hand a gentle squeeze. “Now come on, we’re definitely going to be late.”

When we arrived at the gala, it didn’t take long for Caleb to be swept away by a group of guys he often talked to. I lingered around, exchanging polite small talk with a few people I still considered friends. I didn’t see them much anymore, as most of my time was spent with Caleb.

“So, are you two dating?” one of the girls asked, tilting her head. “I thought he was seeing that girl from his hometown… What was her name again?”

“MC.” I said, a little too quickly.

“Right, that’s the one.”

I forced a smile. “No, we’re just good friends.”

But even as I said it, my gaze drifted to where he stood, laughing easily with his own friends, his posture loose and carefree. A quiet ache settled in my chest.

I wanted to be next to him.

But then again, I was; just not in the way they all saw. I knew him in moments no one else did, in the quiet spaces between conversations, in the unspoken gestures and late-night confessions.

And for now, that was enough. It had to be.

I excused myself from the conversation, weaving through the crowd until I reached one of the drink tables. Grabbing a glass, I slipped into the quieter halls, letting the hum of conversation and music fade behind me. The walls were lined with grand, extravagant paintings, each one demanding attention. I paused in front of a few, sipping my drink as I took them in, letting my mind settle.

I wasn’t antisocial, I could hold my own in a room full of people, I just needed a break from the carefully choreographed chaos of the ballroom.

The rhythmic click of shoes against marble echoed through the quiet hallway, followed by a familiar, soft laugh.

“How did I know I’d find you out here?”

I hummed against the rim of my glass. “Maybe because you can read my mind.”

Caleb shook his head, a smile tugging at his lips. “Sometimes I wish I could.” Then, extending his hand toward me, he asked, “Dance with me?”

I glanced at his outstretched palm. “Out here?”

He tilted his head playfully. “Well, my possible mind-reading powers tell me you’d rather not go back in there.”

A slow smile spread across my face as I laced my fingers with his. “I think you might be psychic.”

The distant music from the ballroom barely reached us, muffled and softened by the grand halls, but somehow, that only made the moment feel more intimate. Caleb’s hands found my waist, warm and steady, while mine slipped around the back of his neck.

He guided us into a slow, easy rhythm. I rested my head just below his chin, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath the fabric of his suit.

We moved without words; his breath against my hair was the only thing I could focus on, like everything else had paused around us.

The world outside the two of us faded, the grand chandelier lights dimming, the chatter and laughter of the crowd becoming a distant murmur. All that remained was the softness of the moment, our steps in sync, and the quiet, unspoken connection between us.

I could feel his thumb tracing gentle patterns against my back, the touch soft in a way that wasn’t rushed. There was no need to hurry, no need to speak. We simply existed in this space, suspended between the melody and the quiet.

His fingers moved up to brush a lock of hair behind my ear, the gesture tender, almost shy. I looked up at him, and his eyes held mine, reassuring.

“You feel like home,” he murmured, so quietly I almost thought I imagined it.

I didn’t answer. I didn’t need to. Instead, I leaned in a little closer, savoring the rhythm of our slow dance, the feeling of him holding me like this, as if the rest of the world didn’t matter at all.

“Do you want to get out of here?” Caleb tapped my shoulder lightly, pulling away just enough for the space between us to feel suddenly too wide. It wasn’t much, but the shift left a coldness in the air, and I immediately wanted to fall back into him.

“Where are you thinking?” I asked.

He pointed toward the window. “There’s a park across the street. We could go there. Away from all… this.” He gestured vaguely, as if the chaos of the gala was still buzzing around us.

I nodded without hesitation, and soon we found ourselves at the park, sitting on an old, rusty swing set. The contrast was stark; our lavish clothes against the worn, weathered metal, but I didn’t care. My dress snagged on the rust as I sat down, but I was too lost in the quiet to be bothered by it. All I wanted was this moment, the stillness, just the two of us away from everything else.

The night air wrapped around us, cool and still, with only the rhythmic creak of the swings and the occasional whisper of wind through the trees breaking the silence. It felt like we existed in a world separate from everything else, suspended in something fragile, something fleeting.

Caleb leaned back against the chain of his swing, his fingers gripping the metal tightly as he looked at me again. That look—like he could see through me, past all the walls I tried so hard to keep up. My pulse hammered in my chest under his gaze.

“You ever feel like… you don’t know where you stand with someone?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

His eyes flickered, something unreadable passing through them. “Yeah,” he said quietly, but with a certainty that made my stomach twist. “All the time.”

For a second, just a fleeting, breathless second; I wondered if he meant me.

I forced a smile, trying to ease the tension hanging between us. I nudged my swing into his, making it sway slightly. “You have a really good sense of self-restraint,” I teased, the words a shield to keep myself from feeling too much. “It’s almost a talent.”

His lips curved, but it was thin, hollow—there was something sad in it. “Is that a bad thing?”

I tilted my head, watching him. “No… well, maybe. Sometimes, I guess. I think you have a habit of depriving yourself of what you really want.”

Caleb looked down, his boot dragging against the dirt beneath him. “What if I can’t have what I want?” His voice was rougher now, lower. “What if it’s not allowed?”

I reached forward, gripping the chain of his swing, giving it a slight shake to bring his eyes back to mine. “If it’s within your reach, it’s legal, and you’re not hurting anyone, I don’t see a problem.” My breath hitched, and my chest tightened as I spoke. “If I had to guess, you’re trying to convince yourself you can’t have something.”

His exhale was shaky, and a bitter laugh barely escaped him. “Maybe, yeah.”

I saw it then—the decision in his eyes, the surrender.

And then, he moved.

Caleb leaned in first, closing the space between us with a quiet certainty that made my breath catch. I barely had time to react before his lips met mine; soft, warm, real. My fingers clenched around the swing’s chain for balance, but it didn’t matter. My whole world had already tilted.

The kiss started slow, tentative, but it didn’t stay that way for long. Caleb’s hand found my jaw, his fingers brushing my skin, grounding me as he deepened the kiss. There was no hesitation, no pulling away—only the quiet urgency of something inevitable, something long overdue.

I let myself sink into it, forget everything outside this moment. The cold night air, the weight of the past few months, the uncertainty of what came next—it all melted away as Caleb kissed me like he’d been waiting for this as long as I had.

When we finally broke apart, breathless and dazed, our foreheads nearly touching, Caleb let out a quiet, almost incredulous chuckle. His thumb brushed over my cheek, lingering there like he was memorizing the feel of me.

His eyes searched mine, and for a moment, neither of us said anything—just letting the silence settle between us like something sacred.

I tried to catch my breath, still feeling the warmth of his touch all over me. “I—uh, I didn’t think that was how tonight would go.”

“Me either,” he admitted softly.

I bit my lip, searching for something to say, but my thoughts were still tangled up in the kiss. The taste of him lingered, sweet and unfamiliar, like a song you’d heard once and couldn’t forget. The warmth of his breath was still etched into the space between us, and the silence felt heavy, like it was holding something fragile; something we both weren’t quite ready to name. I felt the words sitting at the edge of my mind, waiting, but they were lost in the echo of his touch, the weight of everything unsaid.

Caleb gently brushed a strand of hair away from my face, his touch so tender it almost felt like he was afraid to break something.

There was a quiet moment, just us sitting there, the air between us charged and delicate. Caleb’s fingers brushed along my wrist, and he gave a small, hesitant laugh.

“Is it weird to say I’m kind of glad we did this here?”

I smiled, the tension easing slightly. “Not at all. There’s something nice about having a moment that’s just ours.”

He glanced up at the dark sky, the stars scattered above us. “Yeah, it’s like we’re in our own little world. Just us.”

I took a deep breath, trying to settle the fluttering in my chest. “Then let’s not rush back. Let’s just stay here for a little longer.”

He grinned, that easy smile of his, and nodded. “I’m in.”

We swayed gently, both of us still lost in the quiet, the stillness of the park and the soft feeling that somehow, things were different now.

Better.

November-

The moment on the swings stays with me long after it’s over, a quiet echo that pulses in the back of my mind, haunting the spaces between my thoughts. It lingers in the way Caleb reaches for my hand without thinking, in the brief touches we exchange. The kiss, though, that’s the one that lingers the longest; the warmth of him, the certainty that wrapped around me like a promise.

He didn’t hesitate. He didn’t hold back.

I tell myself it was nothing, that it was just a rush, a fleeting spark that will eventually fade with time.

But it doesn’t.

Instead, it settles into the corners of me, a quiet undercurrent beneath everything else.

Everything is subtle at first, in the little things. His hand brushing against mine when we walk, his knee grazing mine when we sit side by side, the way his texts come more often now, careful and soft. When we’re together, it feels like we really have built our own little world, a space apart from everything else. And I let myself believe that maybe, just maybe, it’s enough.

Though one night, I find him distant. His gaze fixed on his phone, jaw tight like he’s trying to hold something in. He barely speaks, his words sharp and short, his mind somewhere else entirely. I don’t ask, don’t press him for an answer. But I know.

It’s her.

And in that moment, something clicks.

I’m not the only one caught between two worlds. Caleb is, too.

The realization doesn’t ease the ache, it only makes it worse. Because if there’s a choice, I already know who he’ll choose.

Training’s getting harder, and graduation is only a few months away. The exhaustion is catching up to all of us, but I feel as if it's hitting me the hardest. Barely sleeping, too many long nights and even longer days, each one blending into the next until I can’t tell where one ends and the other begins. I can feel my body wearing down, but I keep pushing, because what else is there to do? Let myself stop and think?

Ha.

No.

Caleb notices, though. He’s just as drained as I am, but he’s still there, watching me. He always makes sure I eat, even when I don’t feel like it. Reminds me to drink water when I forget, and always seems to be there after training, hanging around like he’s making sure I don’t collapse right there on the floor.

I try not to let it mean anything, try not to read too much into it. He’s just being a friend, right?

But it’s hard to ignore the way he lingers, the way his eyes flicker with something I can’t quite place when I sway slightly on my feet, too tired to stand straight. He doesn’t say anything, but his hand is there, steady on my arm, holding me like he doesn’t want to let go.

Caleb picked me up from the Academy airport after a training flight. We were supposed to grab lunch, but when his eyes landed on my exhausted form, something in his expression softened.

“Let’s get you home, yeah?” he said, his voice gentle.

I shook my head, trying to shake off the exhaustion. “No, I’m fine. Let’s just go—” But before I could finish, my body betrayed me, and I stumbled forward, barely able to keep myself upright.

Caleb’s hand was there in an instant, steadying me by the shoulder and wrapping his arm around me like he wasn’t letting go. “I think you’d fall asleep in your food and suffocate. When was the last time you slept?”

“Yesterday… no, Tuesday? I don’t really remember.”

I threw on my coat, but Caleb’s gaze was still on me, studying me like he could see right through the act I was trying to put on.

“Don’t look at me like that,” I muttered, glaring at him. “I’m fine. Let’s hurry before we miss the bus.”

Standing outside at the bus stop, I shivered against Caleb's arm around me (that was still trying to hold me up). He asked me about my day, if I had eaten breakfast; simple questions that didn’t require much thinking on my part and patient, non-expectant responses from him. I pressed my body closer into his, trying to soak up his warmth, and maybe even share a bit of my own.

He looked down at me and chuckled, ruffling my hair, “Just a bit longer, honey.”

And he was right, seconds later the bus pulled up. I was practically bouncing to get inside and out of this weather.

Snatching the window seat, I stuck my tongue out at Caleb as he situated himself next to me. “You’re evil, you know that right.”

The bus was a welcomed relief from the biting cold outside, the warmth inside wrapping around me like a comforting blanket. My coat was serving as a blanket, and I don’t even remember when I drifted off, but at some point I found myself asleep on Caleb’s shoulder.

I half-awoke to him nudging me gently. “Hey, this is my dorm, let’s get off here.”

Groggily, I shook my head, struggling to form a thought. “No, s’okay, my stop is next…”

He chuckled softly, and I could hear the concern in his voice. “I don’t trust you not to fall back asleep and miss your dorm.” His fingers brushed through my hair to comb the strands away from my eyes, his touch tender as he looked at me. “Just come back up with me. You can sleep there until you’re good to go back.”

I barely had the strength to argue, so I let him lead me, sleepily leaning against him the entire way. By the time we reached his room, I was barely conscious. He helped me take off my coat and shoes, and without a second thought, I crawled onto his bed, curling up into a ball as sleep claimed me again.

When I woke, the world outside was dark, and it took a moment to realize where I was. The blanket was soft against my skin, and I noticed Caleb beside me, his face relaxed in sleep. It was the first time I’d ever seen him look so at ease, so… soft.

I felt a pang of guilt when I noticed the clock beside his bed. It was nearing one in the morning. He probably wanted to sleep, but I had taken over his space.

I started to sit up, but before I could move, an arm wrapped around my waist.

“Where are you going?” Caleb’s voice was thick with sleep, and I froze, my heart skipping a beat as I turned to see him blinking slowly up at me.

“I have to go home,” I murmured, my words barely above a whisper. I reached out, hand instinctively brushing his face, but then I stopped myself and pulled it back.

He toyed with the hem of my t-shirt, and I felt the warmth of his touch spread through me. I could feel myself melting under his proximity. “It’s too late,” he said softly, his voice almost a plea. “Just stay here.”

“Caleb—”

“Or I can walk you home,” he added, his eyes still half-closed, and he stretched as if to get up, but I placed my hand on his shoulder, stopping him.

“No, really, it’s okay.”

He smirked a little, still mischievous even through sleep. “You pick. I either walk you home, or you stay here.”

In that moment, the stillness of the night seemed to press in around us, and my heart ached. Caleb was a vice. He was dangerous.

“Okay,” I whispered, my resolve crumbling. “I’ll stay.”

The room is quiet except for Caleb’s steady breathing. The city of Skyhaven hums faintly outside, the night stretching endlessly around us. I’m awake now, but I can’t bring myself to move. Caleb’s hand rests lightly on my waist, like he’s afraid I’ll slip away if he lets go. It’s nothing, really. Just a small, almost casual touch.

But it feels like everything.

It sets my entire body on fire, this little contact. I shouldn’t be here, not like this, not after everything. But I don’t leave. Instead, I sink back down, letting the warmth of the blanket and his presence pull me under.

We don’t speak. There’s nothing to say. No explanations, no excuses—just this fragile moment, suspended in time, hanging between us. Caleb’s breathing evens out again, his grip loosening as sleep pulls him back under. I stay awake, staring at the ceiling, listening to the soft sounds of the night. I know this is a mistake. I know when the sun rises, when the reality of the world outside finally settles in, things will go back to how they were.

He’ll wake up, stretch, rub the sleep from his eyes, and we’ll pretend like this never happened. He’ll go back to talking about MC, and whatever this—whatever we—will remain suspended in the realm of “almosts” and “what-ifs.” But for now, in this quiet moment, I close my eyes. I let myself have this, just for tonight. Because even if it means nothing to him, it means everything to me.

Morning comes too quickly.

I stir first, blinking against the soft light filtering through the blinds. For a second, everything feels warm and comforting. Caleb’s steady breathing beside me, the weight of the blanket, the quiet hum of the city waking up outside.

Then, reality crashes back in. I shouldn’t be here. Not like this.

Carefully, I try to slip out from beneath the covers, but the moment I move, Caleb stirs. His grip tightens around my waist, pulling me closer just a little before his eyes flutter open.

He looks at me, caught between sleep and consciousness, and for a second, there’s something in his gaze; a softness that makes my breath catch in my chest. But then, he blinks, and it’s gone.

“You’re awake,” his voice is thick with sleep, raspy, and it twists something inside of me. He doesn’t let go.

“Yeah,” I whisper. “I should go.”

Caleb doesn’t respond at first. His fingers absently trace the hem of my sleeve, like he’s thinking, weighing something.

Then, finally—

“You don’t have to.”

It’s quiet. Hesitant. It feels like a confession wrapped in uncertainty.

I swallow hard. “Caleb…”

I don’t even know what I’m trying to say. I just know this, this tension, this dangerous line we’re walking, is too much.

He sits up slowly, rubbing a hand over his face, and then he looks at me. His expression is unreadable, and it makes my heart clench.

“Look,” he sighs, like this is some sort of explanation. “I know things have been… complicated.”

Complicated. That’s one way to put it.

I scoff and shake my head. “You think?”

He runs a hand through his hair, exhaling sharply. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

And that hurts more than it should. Because I know what I’m doing. I’m falling. I’ve been falling for so long, and I’m pretty sure I’m about to hit the ground.

“I can’t keep doing this,” I whisper, my voice barely steady.

His jaw tightens. “I don’t want to lose you.”

Something inside me cracks.

“Then stop making me feel like I’m something you have to choose.”

Silence. And that’s when I know.

He won’t say it, but I already have my answer. Because if I was ever truly an option, I wouldn’t be standing here, begging for clarity.

I nod to myself, standing up. “I need to go.”

This time, he doesn’t stop me.

December-

It hurts, it really hurts.

My chest aches like it’s been hollowed out, and every breath feels too heavy, too sharp. My body trembles, like it’s trying to hold itself together, but it’s already unraveling.

Is this what dying feels like?

Is this death?

The slow suffocation of something that was once whole?

Or is this grief?

Endless, suffocating grief—bleeding through my veins, consuming everything I am.

I can’t tell anymore. Only that it hurts. So much.

I don’t even know who I am anymore.

I feel like a hollow shell.

January-

The snow falls lightly, dusting the pavement with delicate flakes as I walk across campus. The world feels quiet, wrapped in winter’s cold embrace, but inside me? There’s nothing but noise, a clamor I can’t silence. Just as fast as everything had began, it ended just as quickly.

I didn’t expect Caleb to reach out. After everything, after the silence between us that’s stretched since November, I thought he’d let the distance settle. Let whatever we had fade into something unspoken, unresolved.

But then I got the text.

can we talk?

And because I’m weak, because no matter how much I want to convince myself I’ve moved on, I know I haven’t, so I agreed.

Now, I’m here, waiting outside the coffee shop, my breath clouding in the cold air. Caleb’s already inside, sitting by the window with his fingers curled around a paper cup. When he sees me, he gives a small, hesitant smile. He looks the same, yet it feels so foreign.

I steel myself and walk inside.

“Hey,” he says when I slide into the seat across from him.

“Hey,” I echo, my voice flat, unreadable.

We sit in silence for a moment, the weight of everything hanging between us.

He exhales, looking down at his coffee. “I hate how things have been between us.”

I don’t say anything, just let him speak.

“I miss you,” he admits, and for a moment, my heart stumbles. But before I can process it, he adds, “I don’t want to lose you, I want us to still be friends.”

Friends.

I should have expected this. Maybe I did. Maybe I’ve just been foolish enough to hope for something else.

I swallow, my fingers tightening around my cup. “Friends.”

He nods, earnest, like he doesn’t realize he’s twisting a knife into my chest. “Yeah. I mean, we were good at that, right? Before things got… complicated.”

Complicated. That word again.

I take a slow breath, trying to force the ache in my chest to quiet. Maybe this is what we need. Maybe being friends, just friends, will hurt less than losing him completely.

So I offer a small smile, one that feels forced but I try to make it real. “Yeah. We were.”

Relief flashes across his face, and something deep inside me tugs painfully. But I ignore it.

We can do this.

We have to.

“Are we okay?” he asks carefully.

I hesitate for a second, just a moment, but then I nod. “Yeah. We’re okay.”

And maybe, if I say it enough times, it’ll start to feel true.

We step outside together, the cold air biting at my skin. We walk side by side, but it’s different now. Less certain, more fragile. But for now, it’s enough. We’re still in each other’s lives. And that has to count for something.

February-

The cold of February feels different this year. It’s sharp, biting at my skin, but it’s nothing compared to the way the distance between Caleb and me has settled; thick, suffocating.

We’re friends. At least, that’s what we tell ourselves.

But every interaction feels like a shadow of what it used to be. We pass each other on campus, exchanging forced smiles, awkward pleasantries. He texts me sometimes, but the messages are clipped, casual. The playful banter, the inside jokes—we don’t have those anymore.

I’ve gotten good at pretending it doesn’t hurt. I laugh at his jokes when we’re in class together, crack a smile when he waves in passing. I tell myself that being near him, even like this, is better than nothing.

But it isn’t. It isn’t better at all.

One afternoon, after class, Caleb waits for me while I pack my things, his hands shoved deep in the pockets of his jacket. His eyes meet mine, but they flicker away quickly, like he’s not sure how to look at me anymore.

“Hey,” he says, his voice quieter than it used to be.

I force a smile, but it feels too tight, too stretched.

We walk together, but the silence between us is thick. We’re not really talking anymore. Not like before.

“How’s everything?” I ask, trying to fill the space with something. Anything.

Caleb shrugs, his gaze far off. “Same as usual. You know how it is.”

I don’t know how it is. Not anymore.

“And you?” he asks, almost apologetically, like he’s afraid he’ll break something if he pushes too hard.

“I’m good,” I say, too quickly. Too easily. I wish I could say something that would make it sound like we haven’t drifted so far apart. But I can’t.

The truth is, I don’t feel good. Not at all.

The rest of the walk is silent, and when we reach the place where our paths diverge, Caleb gives me a tight, awkward smile.

“Catch you later,” he says, already turning away before I can say anything else.

I watch him walk off, the weight of all the things we never said hanging between us.

It’s painful. But I swallow it down. I have to.

The days pass, and we continue this dance; one of shallow conversations, stiff smiles. Every text feels like a performance. Every interaction, a reminder that we’re no longer who we used to be.

One night, I sit at my desk, the glow of my laptop screen casting a pale light over my face. My phone vibrates on the table beside me. Caleb’s name.

I hesitate before picking it up.

hey, are you free later?

My heart skips a beat, but I force myself to respond.

Yeah, what’s up?

There’s a long pause before his next message.

i was thinking we could grab coffee. but no pressure, just thought it might be nice.

The words “just thought it might be nice” sting more than I expected. It’s so casual, so simple—like the idea of spending time together doesn’t carry any of the weight it used to.

But I can’t back out now. I can’t keep pretending that I’m not still craving his company, even if it’s not the same.

Sure, sounds good.

When we meet at our usual café, the air between us is thick. We talk, but it’s like we’re strangers, circling around the things we used to share so easily. Caleb talks about his classes, and I nod, smile at the right times, but it doesn’t feel like we’re really connecting anymore.

I tell myself it’s fine. This is what we agreed to. That being friends is better than nothing.

And no matter how many times I tell myself I’m over it, no matter how many times I remind myself that this is what I chose; it still hurts.

When we part ways that evening, Caleb gives me a small, almost apologetic smile. “I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah,” I reply, throat tight. “See you.”

I watch him leave, and I can’t help but feel like a piece of myself is slowly drifting farther away.

March-

I can’t keep doing this.

April-

The months start to feel like a slow, inevitable slide into something I can’t quite escape. The air has warmed, and the snow is nothing more than a distant memory, but the silence between Caleb and me cuts deeper than any winter chill.

We still see each other every day. We still share the same spaces, the same halls, the same class. But now, we’re nothing more than shadows of what we once were. Just two people who used to mean something to each other, now standing on opposite sides of a wide, unbridgeable gap.

We promised to be friends. We promised we’d make it work. But those promises feel empty now. There’s no joy in our interactions, no spark. Every conversation is forced, every laugh hollow. We’ve become experts at pretending, at wearing the mask of “just friends,” even though neither of us believes it for a second.

I’ve tried to move on, but when I see him, it’s like a miserable cold wave crashing over me. His eyes, once warm and inviting, are distant now; like he’s holding back something I’m not allowed to know. Even though he’s still there, still around, it feels like he’s lightyears away.

It was a Tuesday afternoon, sitting alone in the student lounge, my books spread out in front of me though not really focused on them. My phone buzzes, and I glance down at the message, already knowing who it’s from.

Caleb.

I hesitate before opening it, my fingers lingering over the screen.

i’m outside the library, want to grab coffee?

My heart skips. I want to say yes.

I want to say yes more than anything.

But a part of me knows how this will go. Another awkward conversation. Another round of small talk and unspoken feelings.

I’m tired. Tired of pretending things are fine when nothing is fine.

I can’t, sorry.

May-

The day is warm, but there’s a crispness in the air, the kind that signals a transition; between seasons, between chapters, between what was and what will be. The hum of excitement fills the air, the kind only a graduation ceremony can bring. Students in their uniforms mill around the venue, laughter and shouts of celebration ringing through the open space.

I move through the crowd, my diploma and badges in hand, the weight of the moment pressing down on me. I should feel proud, should feel accomplished. And I do, somewhere deep inside. But there’s something else, something heavier, lingering beneath the surface. The kind of feeling I’ve spent the past few months pushing away, convincing myself I’ve moved past.

Then, I see them.

Caleb stands a few feet away, surrounded by the floods of people. I notice he’s staring ahead into the crowd, and a girl comes crashing into him with the kind of ease that twists my stomach; MC.

She leans in, close—too close. And then, as if the universe had been waiting for the perfect moment to shatter the fragile balance I had built, she presses a kiss to his cheek. It’s celebratory, happy, and by the look on Caleb's face, just enough.

The world tilts.

For a second, the sounds around me blur into static, the conversations and cheers fading into the background. The weight of months of restraint, of quiet acceptance, of pretending I was fine, collapses all at once. The carefully built walls around my emotions crack under the force of everything I had tried so desperately to move past.

I thought I had let go. I thought I had made peace with everything that had happened. But in this moment, watching him, watching them, it all comes rushing back. The late nights, the quiet moments, the unspoken words that once sat between us. The way he once looked at me, the way he’s looking at her. The realization that, despite all my efforts, my heart had never truly stopped waiting.

I force my feet to move, to carry me past them, past the reminders of what could have been, of what wasn’t mine to hold onto anymore.

The weight in my chest is suffocating, but I refuse to stop, refuse to break—not here, not now. Because this is supposed to be a celebration, the closing of a chapter, the start of something new.

Maybe in another life, it was never a competition. Maybe in another universe, I don’t have to worry about her. In that world, I am her—running into Caleb’s arms, stealing his hat, and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Yes. In another universe, I am her.

#hxlxnaaawrites #caleb x reader #caleb x you #caleb x y/n #love and deepspace caleb #caleb #l&ds caleb #lnds caleb #lads caleb #lnds #lnds smut #lnds fluff #lnds angst #caleb love and deepspace #caleb smut #caleb fluff #caleb x mc #love and deep space #caleb angst

829 notes · View notes

thehauntedetheral · 9 months ago

Text

YANDERE ASSASIN

Requests are open !

• You and your husband has been married for 2 years now. And you were happy with each other.

• You are an accountant for a company while your husband is an engineer.

• You were like any other normal couple working, eating dinner together, going out on weekends, doing the usual day to day stuff.

• But one thing you didn't knew was that well your husband is an fake engineer who pretends to be one.

• In reality he is a most sought after assasin who is hired to kill top level people.

• The "I have to go out for two days for a project darling" is nothing but a excuse he gives you to go and kill his target in another state.

• Have guns hidden in various places in your shared home for " safety purpose ".

• One time you found one of his gun and asked him why is it here? "Hehe well darling the crime rate is increasing day by day I bought it for us for our safety I even have a legal licence for the gun." (Yes a licence for being an assasin)

• This is the same man who melts into your arms, follows you around the house like a puppy, looks at you like you hung the moon and stars and also the same man who doesn't miss his target even from miles and shoots them mercilessly.

• Hits all the target in a shooting game giving you a huge stuffed teddy bear while saying "Beginner's luck, baby."

• Yan vowed in the beginning phase of his job that he would never get married due to his job risk but you entered his life, made him break his vow as he asked you to marry him after falling so desperately in love with you. How couldn't he? You are just so damn perfect.

• You mentioned in a conversation to him casually how a co worker creeped you out by his staring. Boom from next day the co-worker now always avoids you like plague. (Because some unknown assasin threatened his life if he ever came near you)

• He has never been guilty in his life for killing people or having it as job but becomes guilty in a millisecond when he sees you sad thinking how bad of a husband I am? And to make all the clarifications clear you were not sad due to him you were just having your usual period mood swings. Because no way in hell this man would ever make you sad. Before making you cry he would shoot himself with his own gun.

• You both were watching an assasin movie on a weekend and you said how good looking and skilled that assasin the movie character is.

Meanwhile Yan's Mind : Control your self yan no need to be jealous you are better than that freaking stupid looking loser assasin. y/n just doesn't know. Control.

• Yan at a Halloween night comes home after shooting his target with a little blood on his clothes wearing his assasin black clothes and a gun in hand knowing full well that you are at your friend's house. Only to be surprised that you are at home throwing him a suprise Halloween party with others. You looking at him with a confused look as he stands on doorstep shocked.

Yan : Suprise baby!!! I came up dressed up as an assain that you liked in that movie. I hope you like it. (Saying with an akward smile while telling himself to not be so reckless next time)

Meanwhile the people at party who know the true Yan : 🧍‍♂️

• Is so damn protective of you due to his work line that whenever he leaves for days makes sure your friend stays with you and making sure you are safe through all the hidden cameras spread all over the house.

• He loves you a lot. He might be a deadly assasin to the whole world but he is just a normal engineer madly in love with you who just wants to devour you whole so no one else can have you.

• Reader to their friends : My husband won't ever hurt a fly.

Meanwhile Yan listening to this conversation: 🧍‍♂️

• When he is off duty he just spoils you with his cooking and spending all his time with you cuddling watching shows and just talking.

• Prays to god that you never found out about his true job afraid that you would get scared and leave him.

For more yandere reading :

2K notes · View notes

vettelsvee · 19 days ago

Text

A NANNY AND SEB'S SECRET CRUSH | Sebastian Vettel

⋆ PAIRING: Single dad Red Bull!Sebastian Vettel x Nanny!Female Reader ⋆ SUMMARY: Seb needs a nanny to take care of his 4 years old daughter, Danielle. What he didn't expect was to have a crush and fall in love with you ⋆ WARNINGS: Mentions of drugs. NOTHING ELSE, just fluff and Single Dad!Red Bull Seb (2014) :) ⋆ WORD COUNT: 3237 ⋆ VEE'S NOTES: I was craving writing Seb, so it was this or Spidey Dad!Seb. All my works have been flopping for a while but anyways, I have faith this go well 🫶🏻. Hope you like this and, if so, please tell me your thoughts, talk to me and reblog! Thank you so much for reading <3 ↳ TALK TO ME! | FORMULA 1 MASTERLIST | CITY OF STARS F1 AU

Sebastian Vettel was in his driver room after an intense race Sunday. That Grand Prix had ended, but ahead of the German lay a journey of approximately nine hours to the next destination.

The truth was that the frequency with which the driver traveled was normal, but he wouldn't be so tired —and even worried— if it weren't for his four-year-old daughter, Danielle, who was currently playing with her grandmother with some small racing cars.

Seb could see the excitement in the little one, although he was also aware of the fatigue showing on his mother's face. From the couch where he was lying down, he sighed, feeling guilty for burdening Heike with that responsibility. If only his ex-girlfriend, Isabella, hadn't gotten into drugs and abandoned Seb and baby Danielle, who was only three months old...

The last few months had been chaos for the Red Bull driver, and with each passing day, he was increasingly convinced that he didn't want to, but had to hire a nanny who would be available to accompany them for the remainder of the season. He was fully aware that his mother couldn't take responsibility for his daughter all the time, and even less so traveling every week to a different part of the world.

Seb was aware that he had to make a decision, and he had to do it as soon as possible.

That same afternoon, without having yet mentioned it to his mother for fear of her reaction, the driver found himself in his hotel room surrounded by clothes he hadn't yet packed and a completely asleep Danielle on his right side. With his laptop on his lap, he was exhaustively browsing a forum recommended by a few of the men in the Red Bull crew, to find a nanny. Some of them had tried to use it, but it ultimately proved futile.

Seb, however, hoped to have better luck than them, so he delved into the search for a nanny in distress.

After reading, for what ended up being about three hours, countless resumes, and not being entirely convinced by any of them, he came across a girl who seemed quite interesting. According to your profile, you lived in Switzerland, the same country where Seb lived. However, what actually caught his attention the most was that you were specialized in early childhood education and, furthermore, in musical education. He hoped that was true because if it were, he would fight tooth and nail to make you his right hand in caring for his daughter.

Immediately, as if it were a matter of life or death, he decided to follow your profile and then wrote and sent a brief message to see if it was possible, taking advantage of the fact that he would be back in Switzerland, to arrange a meeting with you next week at a city café.

Good afternoon (at least from where I am). I've read your profile and I must say, I was very impressed with everything written in it, so I would love to talk to you about a job offer I've had in mind for some time. Would it be possible for us to meet at a city café next week? That way we could get to know each other, and especially the little one.

Regards,

Sebastian Vettel.

After sending the message and, while waiting for a response from you, still lying on the bed, his mother called from the room. That startled Seb’s daughter awake, but instead of scaring her, it seemed to give her a burst of energy.

"What are you up to, son?" Heike inquired, noting the smile on her eldest son's face.

"I might have found a nanny for Danielle," he answered in a whisper. "I sent her a message a few minutes ago and I'm just hoping, and praying to whoever it takes, that she's interested."

Before his mother could ask why he hadn't mentioned it to her earlier, the little one joined the conversation of the adults:

"A nanny? Does that mean someone else is going to join us and play with me?"

"Exactly, sweetheart," her father replied to her, crouching down a bit, still concerned that his little one shouldn't know the news yet. "Grandma is tired, don't you notice? Same happens when grandpa Norbert joins us," Seb said, pointing to his mother and receiving a nod from the little girl. "And surely if she decides to come with us, you'll be able to play a lot with her, and also learn new things."

"That sounds like a lot of fun, dad!" exclaimed Danielle, throwing herself into her father's arms, which he gladly accepted. "When will we meet her?"

"I hope next week," the driver said, then turning to his mother. "If everything goes well and she responds to my message, we'll meet her at any café in Thurgau. That way we can get to know her a little better and, above all, see if she joins in on this madness."

"I think it's a wonderful idea, Seb. Anything that makes this little bug and you happy, makes me happy too."

The man smiled at his mother's comment. Every day, he became more aware of how much she had helped him move forward in raising Danielle. He had no doubt that, without his family’s help, he would feel pretty much lost in life.

As he continued lost in his thoughts, watching the two women of his life conversing animatedly, he entered once again his email account to see if he received any reply from you.

As he opened the application, he saw that the email referred to the job request he had made to you just a few minutes ago. Hurriedly, despite having his laptop just steps away on the bed, he grabbed the device and immediately headed to the webpage.

"Here you are!" the driver shouted once he found the correct password after seven attempts. "Let's see what you have to say, Y/N..."

Seb began to read aloud, catching the attention of grandmother and granddaughter:

Mr. Vettel:

I am delighted, and especially grateful, for the interest you have shown in my profile.

I am fully available to attend the meeting you requested in your email, just let me know where you would like it to take place and the meeting time.

Again, I thank you for the opportunity and I eagerly await meeting you in person.

Best regards,

Y/N Y/L/N.

"Okay," Seb began to explain, a little nervous. "If she has accepted, that means she might be interested. But... What if she's not interested? What if, in the end, she sees our lifestyle and denies us everything? Really, I think this was a bad idea and..."

"You don't have to worry about anything, son," Heike reassured him. "I'm sure that girl will be very kind and, above all, will take very good care of Danielle."

The little girl was jumping around the room, happy to know that there might be a new young woman taking care of her. Heike, for her side, simply smiled at her son, filling him with hope and positivity for what awaited them next week.

It had only been about five days, but for Sebastian Vettel, the wait had felt eternal. Now, finally, the German was in the town he moved to quite a few years ago on a sunny day, waiting with a cup of coffee for you to arrive. He kept glancing at his watch constantly, and every time the door of the establishment opened, he would tense up. So, when his mother entered with his daughter, he was disappointed again. Nonetheless, Seb quickly got up and gestured for them to come to the table, trying not to attract too much attention.

"Seb, dear, it looks like you've dressed up on purpose," his mother quipped with a wide smile on her face. "I can't wait to meet this girl and see what she's like."

"Are we going to meet the girl who's going to take care of me today?" Danielle asked innocently.

Before her father could ever answer, the door of the coffee shop opened again, ushering in who they presumed was you.

Seb had been lost in thought. You were even more beautiful than he expected.

"Hello, are you Mr. Vettel?" you commented shyly, approaching the table where the family was seated timidly. "I'm Y/N Y/L/N, the nanny you contacted."

As if it were a reflex action, Seb stood up from his chair in no time and adjusted his outfit to look as presentable as possible.

"The one and only! It's a pleasure to finally meet you," he expressed sincerely, offering his hand to the young woman. "Let me introduce you to my mother, Heike, and the main character of this story: my daughter, Danielle."

"Pleased to finally meet you, Y/N," Heike stated. "My son has talked a lot about you, and truth be told, we were very much excited to meet you."

You blushed. You weren't used to receiving compliments, especially not from strangers —and, definitely, not from a four-times Formula 1 driver.

"Hi, Y/N!" a small voice shouted at her feet. "Are you the nanny who's going to travel with us?"

"Hello, Danielle," you greeted, crouching down to the girl's level. "If your dad and grandma agree, I would be more than happy to accompany you wherever you go."

Once introductions were complete, you moved to sit at the table. Seb encouraged you all to order drinks, which he would treat. As they arrived, you all began to chat peacefully about your education, work experience, and even some more mundane topics.

Little Danielle listened carefully to the conversation her father was having with you, who decided to sat next to her. The truth was that she was getting more and more excited about the idea of having such a kind girl like you were take care of her when her father couldn't.

As the conversation progressed and, truth be told, once Heike left you alone, you became more and more comfortable with the little family, finally able to leave your shyness behind.

"You know, I'm convinced that you're the most suitable person to take care of my daughter at this time," Seb commented. "Your experience, education, and above all, the responsibility you appear to have is what I'm looking for. Although, I'll be honest with you...: it's easy to be more responsible than me, I don't know what I would have done without my mother in the paddock."

You laughed at the comment from what would become your boss.

"I really appreciate this opportunity, Sebastian," you said with honesty. "I'm sure it will be a challenge for me at first, I can't deny that; but I know that your little one and I will get along great."

"Then now that granny Heike is gone, we can start our own racing team," Danielle proposed enthusiastically. "Look, Y/N: dad is the driver; you, if you can drive, are the other driver, and I'm the boss, like Toto!"

Seb burst into laughter at the idea of his daughter leading a Formula 1 team and, even more so, at the image his brain had created of the little one displaying the same behaviors as Wolff on the multiple occasions his aggressiveness had surfaced.

"It's a great idea, Danielle," you answered, playing along with the little one's game. "But first of all: what would you like your team to be called?"

4 months later

You were with Danielle in a play area near the paddock. The last Free Practice session was about to start, and since the girl didn't want to get bored before the qualifying session later on, she convinced you to go play with a puzzle that had recently been given to her by her father's teammate, Daniel Ricciardo.

Despite being a children's puzzle, you felt useless. Why couldn't you solve it? Perhaps your mind was thinking about something else at that moment… or someone else.

Still, all you both could do was laugh.

"You know what, Y/N?" Danielle inquired with a mischievous smile. "My daddy told me a secret the other day, but I'm going to tell you because you're like my mommy."

Sure, Seb has a girlfriend, Danielle loves her a lot, and they're going to fire me, you thought as you tried not to let your nerves eat you out alive.

"What did he tell you, Danielle?"

"That you're very, veeeeeery pretty," the girl blurted out without hesitation.

You didn't know how to answer, surprised by the words the girl you had grown so fond of in recent months had said. A blush began to rise on your cheeks as the little girl just kept playing playing with an innocent smile on her face.

"And she's right," the little one continued. "You're very pretty, yeah. What granny said about dad never lying is true."

"Thank you, sweetheart," you responded tenderly. "You're a beautiful girl too, both inside and out." You hugged her and planted a warm kiss on her forehead.

At that moment, Seb, who had already finished the session, approached where you both were, dying of love at the scene he was seeing closer every time.

"What are my favorite girls doing?" Seb asked curiously once he reached you, tousling his daughter's hair.

"We're playing, daddy," Danielle responded. "And daddy… isn't Y/N very pretty?"

The driver didn't know where to hide in that moment. Seb knew he shouldn't have said anything to his daughter because, despite being only four years old, she was a bit of a chatterbox.

You, on the other hand, just hugged the little girl, who was still determined to find a solution to the puzzle, without success.

"Yes, sweetheart," Seb finally replied, admiring the scene in front of him. "Y/N is the best woman ever. If it weren't for her, I don't know what would be happening with us right now."

"Maybe granny Heike would have punished you several times already without letting you race with your car and your friend Daniel," the girl innocently blurted out.

You felt nothing but gratitude for the treatment you had received from Sebastian since you started working for him. Obviously, the great compliment you had just received at that moment was not going to be any less.

"By the way, Y/N," Seb announced, "I promised Danielle that I would take her out for ice cream after the race. Do you have anything to do or...?"

"Yes, Y/N, come, please, pleaseeeeee!" Danielle squealed and jumped.

"Well, if I'm not intruding..."

Seb snorted, indignant at the young woman's antics.

"Hey, don’t say that ever again. You're part of the family," the German said. "You're more than welcome to join us!"

After finishing the race, which ended with Seb achieving a well-deserved P6 for the hell of a season he was going through, father, daughter, and nanny headed towards a café located in the paddock. Due to problems with his fans after the race, you didn't want to risk your safety, especially Danielle's, by going to just any ice cream parlor.

"The ice cream is on me, but thanks to Red Bull, so you better get the biggest one possible," Seb said unabashedly.

"Seb, really, it's not necessary," you expressed gratefully but a little embarrassed. "You're covering all my travel expenses and, besides, you’re paying me a salary…"

Sebastian sighed. You seemed impossible, and he absolutely hated that.

"I'm serious, choose whatever you want. You're part of our family, you should already know that," the driver insisted.

Reluctantly, you accepted your boss' offer, finally choosing a small tub of vanilla ice cream.. After each of you had made your order and had it in hand, you headed to a small table outside to enjoy your treats without distractions.

Once you finished, Danielle asked Seb and you for permission to play with some kids who were hanging around and who, as far as Vettel knew, were some of the children of the many workers from the different team as it was impossible for anyone else to be in the paddock at that late. Meanwhile, Seb and you just continued to have a chat, mainly about the remainder of the season.

There came a point where the topic became monotonous enough for Seb, finally determined to take the next step in his relationship with you, to break the silence:

"You know… there's something I've wanted to tell you for a few days now..." the German began. "Throughout this time you've been taking care of Danielle and, in a way, also taking care of me, I've realized that I don't just see you as the person who takes care of my greatest treasure, but as someone I want to be my second greatest treasure in life."

You trembled. The truth was, during the first month of working with the Vettels, you had quite liked Seb, but you promised yourself you wouldn't fall under his spell. He was your boss after all, and also Danielle’s dad. Three months later, everything seemed to have gone the other way around as you fell completely for the current Formula 1’s world champion.

However, you knew you both belonged to two completely different worlds, and no matter how hard you tried to make it work, your love would never be possible.

"Seb... I feel the same way too," you expressed, fearful. "But I think this will not only affect your life as a driver but also the stability we've reached with Danielle. Besides, a Formula 1 driver and a nanny? It's impossible, we're polar opposites," you asserted firmly, trying to keep your voice steady, trying not to falter due to the urge to cry you felt at that moment.

"I understand you're worried, but I can't deny what I feel for you anymore. You've been there for my daughter and myself, and you've become a mother to her," Seb had a lump in his throat. "I can't play dumb, even though that's what I usually do when I know I could end up losing the love of my life."

"I don't want to lose you or jeopardize what we have," you declared with tears streaming down your face, pretty much ashamed but not really caring about it. "Right now, Danielle is my priority, and I don't want the decisions we make to affect her. Imagine: what if we started dating, told her, and then ended everything? Do you think it will sit well with her?" you expressed with worry.

Seb took your hand and planted a small kiss on it.

"I perfectly understand what you mean and yeah, you’re right: my daughter will always be my priority," Vettel said sincerely. "But don't you think that, sometimes, we deserve to be our own main priority?"

Before you could even answer, Danielle ran towards you, her face as red as a tomato, possibly from running almost the whole time.

"I love you, daddy and Y/N," the girl confessed, then turned directly to you. "But if daddy loves you and you love him, and you start being boyfriend and girlfriend, I'd like to call you mommy."

Faced with a somewhat different declaration of love from the Vettels, you didn’t have words.

At that moment, you didn't care about all your fears: she loved Sebastian and Danielle Vettel, and you were pretty sure that you’d do whatever it took to spend your whole life with them.

430 notes · View notes

mxnhoo · 1 month ago

Text

rollercoaster (s. jy)

╰➤ sim jaeyun x reader featuring wonyoung, liz, giselle, literally the whole of bnd, rei, chan synopsis having nothing to do in girls night, you and your gals decided that downloading a dating app would be absolutely perfect to spice up your lives. seeing the males on the dating app, you get violently irked out until you see someone who seems at least half-decent, which so happens to be a guy named "Sim Jaeyun" and it kicks off with him! until you.. start feeling the need.. to.. push away. genre looots of banter, romance, comedy, enemies to lovers, reader has a chaotic friendgroup, dating app, coffee shop, overseas trip, slowburn, reader is chaotic and loud at times, lots of coincidences/surprises, jake is annoying as fuck and super sarcastic lol, reader is awkward with new people and daydreams a lot, did i mention banter?, camping/out in the forest, they both secretly do things for each other, jake loves astronomy and seeing the stars, somewhat heated confrontation!, alone in the pool, dancing, partially proofread(?) word count 17,836 warning reader has an avoidant attachment lol, did i already say avoidant attachment?, vulnerability, ghosting, reader has to face her attachment issues, mentions of death/wanting to die, mentions of anxiety, LOTS of cursing, "go to hell", like one suggestive joke, mentions of stalking, jake mocks her attachment/issues, joking use of "i'm going to kill you", lmk if i missed anything cly's note i'm so happy this is done. i had this idea since last year november i had so much fun writing certain parts and you can definitely tell which, but i despised the other parts LOL omygosh i hate this sm but hope yall can enjoy it. ive been so inactive so this is my return!

now playing rollercoaster - bleachers "You are such a rollercoaster, and a killer queen you are"

“Hey, how ‘bout Wony goes next?” Liz exclaimed, and everyone silently agreed. Wonyoung reached her hand out towards the bottle that was sitting in the centre, twisting her hand and spinning it.

You and your friend group was having a girl’s night, and you all were planning to gossip and have fun all night, but it turns out the current situation was the exact opposite. Everyone’s eyes watched as the bottle spun, the speed of the bottle gradually slowing down as it eventually stopped at..

You.

“Y/N, truth or dare?” Wonyoung shot at you, her tone slightly uninterested and you shrugged.

“I dunno, truth, I guess?”

Everyone remained silent, waiting for someone to come up with a genius question that would make you reveal things about you that they didn’t know about.

Which was practically impossible.

The entire friend group have been together with each other for about 4 years, and even despite being separated by going to college, keeping up with each other wasn’t difficult, and hence, everyone knew everything about each other.

“Any.. questions?” you called out, in hopes that someone would miraculously have a fun question that hasn’t been asked already.

“Not really, no. We already know everything about you,” Giselle, who was sitting across from you, answered.

“Would you date any guy from your class?” Liz enthusiastically questioned, almost as if she didn’t already know your answer.

“No. They’re all either weird, ugly, or have a bad personality,” you sternly responded, your tone disappointed.

Everyone sighed at the expected answer, either leaning back or just scratching their heads.

“This is so boring,” Wonyoung bluntly said, puffing air on one side of her cheek and though it was harsh, she was right.

“Isn’t there anything fun to do?” you questioned, completely leaning backwards and laying back on the cold tiled floor, staring at the ceiling. It was dark outside, and you wanted to make the most out of your time before you go home, since meet ups with them were quite rare.

“Nah man, we already know everything about each other, there’s nothing to ask,” Giselle responded, going on her phone and scrolling.

“This sucks, no fun thing, no fun love life. Why’re all the guys in our classes so damn ugly?” you whined, letting out a loud sigh afterwards and resting your arm on your forehead.

“Hey, I might’ve found something fun,” Giselle muttered, as her finger stopped scrolling.

“What did you say?” Wonyoung responded, her eyes shooting up to Giselle, her expression curious.

“Dating apps!” Giselle announced.

“C’mon bro, that’s so bori-” “Let’s see how many people like our profile in 24 hours, how ‘bout that?” Giselle exclaimed, clearly proud at her idea.

Everyone rose up from their half-alive state, unitedly looking at Giselle as if she had just suggested the most thrilling and juiciest activity.

Liz questioned, "Aren't guys there like.. creeps?".

"Well, sure! But not all of them!" Giselle exclaimed, feeling proud at her idea.

“I mean, why not right?” you giggled, finally feeling alive after having the most boring truth-or-dare session.

And that was how you were on your study table, scrolling on your phone using that very same dating app.

Even after the 24th hour mark and comparing the number of likes each of you got, you were still scrolling through the profiles, either liking them and rejecting them.

You knew people on the app weren't so.. proper, but you were looking forward to it because of new experiences and fun, and who knows? You might even find 'the one' here. 'The one' who you're fated to be with, and go through everything with.

Your eyebrows raised as the profiles kept coming in non-stop, anticipating that you'd find someone at least half-decent. So far, all of the profiles are all fuckboys who don't show their face on their profile with bios like "Let's fuck" or "FWBs??".

Fuck no. Absolutely not.

Either that, or boys who full on show their body and stick out their tongues like some frat boys. You couldn't tell which one irked you more.

You sighed, your finger hovering over the dislike button. And that was when you saw it.

"Jaeyun Sim | Jake", and it was photo of a male who looked genuine. In the first photo, he was holding the strap to this big.. fluffy.. cute dog?

Wow, he's cute. The dog, actually. Or is the dog a girl? Whatever.

And him too you could say — this.. "Jake".

Intrigued by this profile, you scrolled through his photos. The first photo was him walking his supposed dog, then as you swiped, you're met with him cuddling his dog and having a surprisingly cute smile. Then the next, he's wearing a white long sleeve, and he seems to be in a field..? And it seems to be sunset with how the background is a pinkish-grey sky.

Shit. He's kinda cute.

"Here just for fun! Loves music, just wanna vibe here tbh. Friends!".

Your eyes wandered as you thought about pressing the like button.

It's just once.

What's the worst that could happen?

Your finger slowly hovered over the button as you thought about pressing it, suddenly feeling hesitant, but in a quick second you forced your finger down and you instantly squaled, turning your phone and facing it downwards flat on your table.

You had to take a breather, processing what you just did and realising the whole situation. You sighed and relaxed your shoulders — it wasn't that serious right? He didn't actually know you right? Whatever. This whole thing isn't that serious.

And your whole perspective flipped when you heard your phone go off, your hands instantly flipping it upwards and seeing that he messaged. Your eyes widened and your jaw dropped, surprised at the instant response and you stared at the screen for a second, mentally preparing yourself.

simjaeeejake liked your profile. You both matched! Start chatting now!

simjaeeejake : HEYYY WASSUP

You stared at the message, biting your lips as you started to type.

y/n : YOOOO y/n : how r u!

simjaeeejake : TIRED. simjaeeejake : But we gotta stay LOCKED IN!

You puffed up your cheeks, feeling intimidated yet impressed at his immediate and energetic response.

y/n : AS U SHOULD!

He didn't respond immediately so you started to think if your response was over the top.

Oh shit, did he think you were a weirdo?

simjaeeejake : YEAHH simjaeeejake : I'm jake by the way

Nevermind. All's good.

y/n : i'm y/n l/n y/n : just call me y/n

You were slightly smiling, feeling slightly excited because he matched your energy well.

And that's how you talked to him for not one. Not two. But three hours straight. You didn't even know you had that much socialising power in you, you felt like 30 minutes of conversation with someone you knew was draining, but here you were, talking to someone for 3 hours straight.

And would you be surprised if I said the talking became a daily? Not 3 hours though — that'd be a stretch, but still — daily. You'd found out that he was in your neighbouring university, the universities only being separated by a few train stops, and that he really likes astronomy.

simjaeeejake : No cos simjaeeejake : I really love songs that just make you "feel" YKWIM

y/n : OOOH y/n : if you really love that y/n : i think you'd like rollercoaster by the bleachers y/n : I SWEAR IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL

simjaeeejake : Oh! simjaeeejake : About that.. simjaeeejake : I know..

y/n : you know?

Thinking about what he meant, you gasped as you came to realisation 5 seconds later.

y/n : WAIT YOU KNOW THE SONG???

You stared at his typing bubble, anticipating to his response.

simjaeeejake : IT WAS SUMMER WHEN I SAWW YOUR FACEE

y/n : LOOKED LIKE A TEENAGE RUNAWAY

You sat up from your bed, genuinely feeling ecstatic as someone knew the very song you loved with your entire heart.

y/n : WHAT THE FUCK y/n : I FUCKING LOVE THIS SONG

simjaeeejake : Oh is it? simjaeeejake : Will defi take note

simjaeeejake pinned "I FUCKING LOVE THIS SONG".

And that's how you learnt a lot about a man you've never met in real life. He's studying something related to business, he has a cute female border collie named Layla, he shat his pants when he was 8, he especially loves My Chemical Romance, and there's more things you could've listed down.

Your friends could've listed them down too, from how much you talked about him in your shared groupchats.

Poor them! They were so obviously tired.

And the reason why they were even more annoyed is because you were talking so much about a man you have not met up with.

That sounds pathetic.

But you were completely okay with not meeting him, because if you met him, it'd start to feel a bit too... real. And you didn't want that.

But the day came.

simjaeeejake : HEY

y/n : HI

simjaeeejake : Crazy idea but..

y/n : UH HUH...

Your face leaned closer to the screen, watching his text bubble.

simjaeeejake : What if we met up.

Your smile dropped, feeling the excitement in you slowly slip away as you read the message.

simjaeeejake : IT'D BE SO FUN YKYK simjaeeejake : Like we can go see the stars w my telescope simjaeeejake : YKYK

You frowned, reading the messages.

y/n : uhhh

You bit your lip, feeling immense discomfort.

simjaeeejake : ?? Why

y/n : HAHAHAHA

You tried to think about a response that wouldn't blow him off.

simjaeeejake : What

y/n : sorry

simjaeeejake : Why??

y/n : uh y/n : i don't really like meeting up

simjaeeejake : Huh

y/n : not really my thanggg

You tried to be casual about it.

simjaeeejake : Okayyyy ms anxiety simjaeeejake : Ok but fr tho simjaeeejake : It'd be so fun simjaeeejake : Can't I be an exception?

You made a disgusted face at his response.

Ms Anxiety? Exception? Seriously? Who are you?

You closed the app, placing your phone on the bed as you stared at the ceiling, feeling as if you'd just lost a friend. Your phone vibrated again, and you looked at the notifications.

simjaeeejake : U good? simjaeeejake : Did i say something?

You sucked your inner cheek, thinking of a response but you turned your phone off, leaving this as a problem for later.

Laughter filled the room as you wiped the tears from your eyes. You could only feel your abdomen grow increasingly sore as your laughter becomes more intense. You pleaded, "No- stop!" as you continued laughing.

Liz continued, "And he did it.. again!".

Her comment caused the laughing session to continue, everyone having tears coming out of their eyes. Liz was ranting about a guy she'd met on the dating app, and it literally proves the point that people there are literally.. hopeless.

Wonyoung, who was slowly calming down, spoke, "So you're telling me that when he saw you for the first time, he ran up to you, slipped ONCE, got back up, and then slipped again not even 3 seconds later?".

Liz's eyes lit up and she pointed to Wonyoung, "Exactly that!".

All of you had gathered again, but finally with more stories to share especially after the dating app idea. The group has finally became lively again after the energy had been constantly stagnant for the past.. God knows how long.

The conversation continues, but it eventually lands on..

"Talking about meeting up, say, Y/N, you haven't been talking about that.. who was it..?" Giselle spoke.

"Jaeyoon? Jaehyun?" Wonyoung guessed as she tried to recall.

"Jaeyun. Sim Jaeyun, Jake," you corrected, your mood suddenly flipping.

Everyone wiggled their eyebrows at each other while making syncronised "oo" sounds. Liz placed her palms on the table, leaning towards you, "You even know his full name, huh?".

You gave her a weirded out look, "F'course I do! How could I not? It's literally in his profile!".

Liz nodded slowly, leaning backwards as she eyed the others.

Wonyoung spat out directly, "Are you dating him?"

"WHAT?!"

"You are! Aren't you?"

"No! Absolutely not!"

Everyone gasped.

"Y/N.. you don't need to lie," Giselle rubbed your back and you snapped your neck at her.

"I'm not lying! I haven't spoken to him in a while!" you confessed at the heat of the moment.

Everyone gasped, but this time there was complete silence afterwards. Everyone gave each other the look and you bit your lip.

Wonyoung pouted, "Is everything okay, girlie? What happened? You used to talk about him in our groupchat so much..".

You sighed as you leaned back onto the seat cushion, "He asked to meet up".

Everyone looked at you, anticipating to the rest of the story, "Then..?".

You looked at them with a puzzled expression, wondering what else they were waiting for. "That's all.." you muttered.

Everyone let out sounds of confusion. Giselle questioned, "What?! So you ghosted him?!"

Liz continued Giselle's question, "And it was because he asked to meet up?!".

You immediately felt defensive, facing your hands towards them and indicating them to stop, "It was scary, okay! What if.. I dunno, he's like a serial killer or something?".

Everyone gave you a glare, questioning your thinking process.

Giselle voiced out first, "Girl... weren't you talking about how 'genuine' and 'kind' he was.. what 'serial killer' bullshit are you thinking about..?".

You felt slightly guilty, now realising how childish it was that you ghosted him over something so small. Wonyoung snapped, catching everyone's attention, "How long has it been?".

"Since I ghosted?" you replied.

"No shit."

You pouted at their sassy response, pulling out your phone from your pocket and pressing into the app, careful not to press into the chat and read the messages.

"It's been.. 3 days?".

Everyone's jaw dropped in sync and Giselle held your shoulder tightly, "Girl! You better respond to that man!".

You felt helpless, "What for! He probably forgot about me already! I don't even know what excuse I'd give for not responding!".

Wonyoung leaned over the table and swiftly snatched your phone, causing you to gasp. Immediately, you try to fight back for the phone but Wonyoung started typing.

"Sent!".

Your heart dropped, "What exactly did yo-!".

You were interrupted when Giselle covered your mouth, your words being muffled and Giselle apologising to the other customers for your loudness.

That's when you looked around and saw all the unpleasant expressions from the workers and the other customers, and you tilted your head downwards to gesture that you were sorry.

You slowly sat back down, taking a deep braeth in as you looked at Wonyoung. "What. Did. You. Send?" you asked, your tone clearly infuriated.

"I sent him.." Wonyoung looked at the screen, reading out from the text message in a sassy tone, "omygosh hi, i'm so sorry but my phone broke. hope you don't get the wrong idea".

You realised how she was all smiley and giggly and you stared at her, only wishing you could slap that smile away. You took a deep breath as you tried to remain composed, clearing all the negative thoughts.

"And he responded!"

"WHAT?!"

Giselle immediately pulled you down to your seat.. again.. after you accidentally shouted and stood up. "Gosh.. Y/N.. we're gonna get kicked out," she tugged on your sleeve and you rested your forehead on your hands.

"Jokes!"

"You guys.." you sighed, feeling worn out, "are going to be the death of me..".

"He responded!!"

"WHAT?!?"

And that's how the 4 of you got kicked out.

"Gosh.. we weren't even being that loud.." Wonyoung complained as she rolled her eyes.

"Right!" Liz agreed, feeling wronged.

"Whatever," you rolled your eyes, feeling irritated at them instead of being kicked out. You started walking first, not saying your goodbyes and you heard them yell behind you.

"You better respond to his text!" "Update us!" "Don't ghost him again!"

You were thankful you were the only one heading this way, and you waved your hand without turning back.

You'd finished washing up, rubbing your damp hair with your towel as you sat on the bed, looking at your phone notifcations until you saw his name on the notifications.

Oh. Right.

You held your phone properly, carefully checking the notification and not clicking on it.

simjaeeejake : Thought you ghosted me for a sec simjaeeejake : What even happened

You hesitated, feeling the guilt fully set in and you sighed.

y/n : i kinda y/n : dropped my phone in boiling water

simjaeeejake : While cooking or something?

y/n : yea yea exactly!

simjaeeejake : But you said you can't cook

Oh shit. He's right.

y/n : uh y/n : i saw a recipe y/n : seemed cool, wanted to try it out

simjaeeejake : Hmm simjaeeejake : Okay

Man. Hopefully he bought that.

You felt guilty, so you continued the conversation, but there was still something inside of you making it uncomfortable, so your responses had breaks in between them, were less lively and drier than usual.

simjaeeejake : Okayy I gotta go now, mom's rushing me out simjaeeejake : Need to catch the stars tonight

You heaved a sigh of relief, thankful the conversation was ending.

y/n : okayy

You were about to close the chat until you saw his chat bubble appear. You stayed, curious to what else he had to say.

simjaeeejake : Btw simjaeeejake : I know something's up simjaeeejake : So if i did anything wrong, lmk simjaeeejake : Or if you need reassurance, lmk too simjaeeejake : I'm not a bad guy, I promise simjaeeejake : I really like what we have, so I hope we can progress :)

You stared at his messages, your chest being filled with all sorts of different emotions.

simjaeeejake : Sleep soon simjaeeejake : Gn Y/N

You felt reassured and happy, but at the same time there was this thing at the back of your head telling you to run. Ignore him. Ghost him again. You rubbed your forehead, feeling distressed, and you sent a quick reply before throwing your phone somewhere on the bed.

y/n : goodnight, jake.

You stared at the ceiling.

"Maybe I do have a chance at this.. 'relationship' bullshit," you mumbled to yourself. You sighed before turning over and plunging your head to your pillow.

"I really hope you'd take me in as an employee!" you pleaded with a big smile plastered across your face, watching as your interviewer nods in approval with a subtle smile. You watched as he took down notes and you awkwardly looked around, the big smile still on your face.

After a few seconds of writing sounds, he closed his book and you sat up straight, anticipating to what was next. He cleared his throat and you leaned in closer, praying for good news.

"So.." he started off. You bit your lip, feeling as the anxiety starts creeping in. He continues, "You start next week. Come in some time this week to pick up your uniform, yes? This weekend you'll get your training".

You felt so overjoyed you wanted to run around and hug your interviewer. "Yes- of course sir! I mean, yes sir!".

"Don't call me sir, call me Chan," he reassured, his tone friendly.

"Yes sir! I mean- sir Chan! I mean Chan!" you stuttered, clearly not being able to contain your excitement.

As soon as you stepped out of the cafe, you immediately texted your friends without care about your physical surroundings.

y/n : IM GOING FOR THAT OVERSEAS PROGRAMMEEE y/n : I GOT THE JOB I CAN FUND MY SHIT

giselle : DAMNN giselle : congrats girlie omg

wony : YAYYYYY wony : asking for a friend! do you have staff discount

liz : CONGRATS GIRL!! liz : ^^ what wony said

There was this upcoming overseas programme that happened yearly, and you begged your dad to go and he allowed you under one condition — you paid for 70% of the fees.

So here you were, getting a job in a cafe that paid fairly well. The programme was in about 3-4 months, and you'd started your school break so you'd have a lot of time to work and get that bag.

The streets were bustling, lots of cars and people walking, and it was quite impressive that you haven't bumped into someone or a pole. And that was when you did.

Your face bumped into a hard chest causing you to instantly look up. The male quickly scurried away as he muttered a swift 'sorry', and he had black hair and glasses. You watched as he entered the cafe you were working at and you rubbed your nose, slowly rubbing the pain away. You shrugged and you continued your way, planning to respond to the girls' messages later.

Jake? Well, you did it again. You ghosted the man when he initiated to meet up, contacted him again when you felt guilty and repeated. But last week, it was final.

This cycle has been going on for about a month, and you almost didn't know how he never ghosted you at least once. He stopped contacting you, so you were somewhat grateful yet you felt like apologising for the mess.

But you knew that if you apologise, the cycle would start again, so you decided to break it.

The dating app? You deactivated your account and deleted the app, deciding that dating apps really didn't have 'the' one you'd be fated with. The perfect one that you'd never want to avoid, unlike Jake.

Your life now was perfect. No man, no worries, no school for the mean time, and you were working part time at a cafe that had an environment that made you thrilled. You were also looking forward to the overseas trip, so life seemed ideal.

"Order for.. Yeppi?" you read out the unusual name, tilting your head, worried you were saying it wrongly.

Immediately, a man rushed towards your counter, giggling and you observed a distressed guy trailing after him.

"See, Sungho! 'Yeppi' sounds cute!" the guy nearer to you spoke.

You looked at the two of them, puzzled to what their banter was about. The supposed 'Sungho' ran his hand through his hair, frustrated as he approached you, muttering a small "thanks" as he took his drink. You gave an awkward smile and as soon as they turned their backs, you could see Sungho smack the other.

"I'll get back at you, Jaehyun!" Sungho threatened, ignoring the fact that Jaehyun was rubbing his arm after the hard smack.

You giggled at their fun banter, the confusion dissolving as you understood the situation. You went back to the counter, ready to serve anyone who's ready to order.

Having nothing to do, you opened the register and started to count the money, wanting to make use of your time. The chime of the entrance bell sounded, but being in the midst of counting cash, you didn't look up.

With a few notes left, you were almost done until you heard a soft, "Hello" at the counter. Your head shot up to look at the customer, but your smile instantly dropped. Your face went cold and you accidentally dropped the cash, still staring at the customer in front of you.

"Oh..?" the customer muttered.

"Oh.." you replied.

You inspected his features. His hair was the same colour and shaped the same way. His glasses had the same tape at the side. He had the same piercings in the photo.

You confirmed it.

It was him, the guy from the dating app.

It was Jake.

Your first instinct was to bend down to pick up the notes you'd dropped, and well — hide. Duh. The man you'd shamelessly ghosted was standing right there, and you'd have to talk to him — no, look at him at the bare minumum while serving him.

You mumbled all the curse words you knew under your breath as you picked up the last few notes, mentally preparing yourself before you stood back up.

You were met with his amused face, his arms folded as he raised his eyebrows at you. You looked down immediately at the cash register, slotting in the cash at its' designated spot as you clear your throat, hoping he didn't recognise you.

"If it isn't Ms Anxiety herself," he broke the silence.

Nevermind. He did. And he did not seem happy.

You cleared your throat again, plastering the most professional expression on your face as you clapped your palms together. "What would you like, Sim Jaeyun?".

"And Ms Anxiety remembers my full government name. Impressive," he mocked and your professional expression immediately dropped.

"Look, don't make this hard for me," you grumbled, breaking the professional image.

"Hard? For you? Was it hard to.. I dunno.. send a text back?" he attacked, his expression clearly displeased.

"Oh please, Jaeyun—"

"Actually, I prefer Jake," he perfectly interrupted you, a smirk on his face, "please use that instead".

Of course he wasn't going to make this easy. But what did you expect?

You huffed out air, almost thinking that this was all a dream from how coincidental and bizzare this whole situation was. He seemed so sweet over text, but seeing how he acted made you realise he was snarky and irritating

He spoke up again, "No offense, but I don't think there's any way for you to.. ghost me right now", his eyes wandered around, "especially since I'm the customer.. and you're the—"

"Okay, damn! I get it!" you scowled, biting your lip hard afterwards. You shot out, "What do you want?!".

He hummed and pretended to think about it for a few seconds, "Hmm.. you to explain why you ghosted me".

"Not that! Your damn order!"

He gave a soft smile, "Oh right, that".

He's fucking unbelievable.

You bit your lip in frustration as you eyed him down, all the curse words threatening to pour out of your mouth. He raised his eyebrows and stared at you, "I think.." he hummed, "I'll have your usual?".

"Your usual?" you shot, "Don't tell me you're a regular here?".

"You bet I am! Happy 'bout that?" he gave a cheeky smile.

You stared at him in disbelief, wishing you could just.. crumble into a hole and be buried until you die. You sighed and turned around, running your hand through your hair until you heard him snapping his fingers.

"Hello?" snap snap "My usual?".

You turned back around, giving him the most dead expression you could ever make out, "And how am I supposed to know your usual?".

"Maybe you could apologise for ghosting me and I'll let you know," he grinned from ear to ear, having high expectations that you'd give in.

Oh man. This job definitely wasn't going to be easy.

To make things worse? You've already taken up 5 shifts a week for 2 months to get as much money before your trip.

And if you think about it, you're definitely going to have to memorise his 'usual' sooner or later.

Oh man.

"It was summer when I saw your face," you sang into the tip of the broom, singing along to your favourite song that was playing in the cafe.

The infamous "Rollercoaster" by Bleachers.

You switched between sweeping and dancing, feeling free because you were closing alone.

"Man, I'm never the same," you sang, "We were shotgun lovers, I'm a—"

"You're a shotgun running away".

You screamed, immediately turning around at the sudden voice. You held the broom close to you and your heart accelerated from the scare. You thought it was ghost, but no it was something worse — Jake.

He leaned on the counter, "No wonder you loved the song, fits you so well".

You recovered from the scare, your face twisting as you retorted, "What the fuck are you doing here! We're closed!".

"Not yet," he pointed to the clock.

9:59.

One. Fucking. Minute. To. Closing.

"My usual, yep?" he voiced out, his tone irritating that you were tempted to jump on him and rip his hair out.

"And if I don't?"

"I can complain to your managers and get you fired. I'm close to all of them since I c'mere so often," he stared at the ceiling and scratched his head, "Surely you wouldn't want that, right?".

"Fuck you".

"Your usual?" you questioned, watching as he leaned forward and rested his head on his elbow, giving you a cheeky smile. You rolled your eyes, already prepared to make his order.

"Nah- na-uh, I have a special request," he squeeked.

You turned around and frowned at him, his face bringing you over the edge further.

"Put it under the name, 'The Best Jake'," he requested as he pointed a finger upwards, his tone cocky and you simply scoffed, walking away.

Upon finishing his drink, it pained you but you wrote it according to his request, 'The Best Jake'. You huffed out in irritation before walking up to the counter.

No way you were gonna say it out loud.

"Jake," you called out, staring at him as he sat down, occupied on his phone but to no avail.

You sighed, thinking you weren't loud enough, so you called him again.

And again.

And no fucking response. The boy was giggling at his phone and seemed completely oblivious to you calling him.

You definitely weren't going to walk over to him, so you did another thing that pained your heart.

"The best Jake."

"Yes, coming!" his whole body turned to you as he got off of his seat in a heartbeat, making his way towards you and you stared in him in disbelief.

He gave you a satisfied smile as he snatched the drink away from you as you watched him walk away. You were in disbelief, flabbergasted — no way that just happened.

Your new friend hit your shoulder as he continued to laugh.

"You—" laugh "gosh, I wish I would've seen that!" Leehan wiped his tears, his grin from ear to ear as you shared your work experiences with him.

"This 'Jake' guy is actually hilarious!" he commented.

To be specific, your experiences with Jake.

"It really isn't that funny, Donghyun" you snarked and his laughter started to calm down.

"Aw c'mon! Don't go using my actual name now. I wish I was working too when that happened!" he giggled and pushed you jokingly.

"Too bad, it was like a week before you joined," you sulked, sticking out your tongue and leaning on the counter.

Leehan whined as he walked over to lean on the counter beside you.

"Isn't it crazy that we study in the same campus?" he questioned, wanting to change the topic before you get too upset.

You sighed before glancing at him, "Mhm, hopefully we can bump into each other".

You both stood next to each other in silence, when you suddenly thought about your programme. "Say, are you attendi—".

"It's time to close!" he announced, clearly ecstatic at the thought of finishing up and going home. Your eyes shot to the clock, realising he was right. It was 10 sharp.

You watched him as he pushed off the counter and stretched his body. You silently sighed, thinking you'd ask him soon if he was attending the same overseas programme as you.

After 2 whole months of enduring Jake — and working of course, you were finally going to take a break since your trip was approaching. You'd originally planned to resign, but it became hard because you've met Leehan, and all your other amazing colleagues.

Your manager patted your back, giving you a sense of praise as he gave you a proud grin. "Have enough money for the trip? Want more?" he asked.

You hummed a little bit as you thought about his question. Was he offering you money? Of course you can't turn down an offer like that!

"Mmm... I might not have enough," you muttered, praying you'd get spare change from him.

He gave you a reaussring giggle as he patted your back, making you feel content before his laugh suddenly came to a halt.

"Too bad, work more then," he shot coldly and you whined, watching how he breaks into laughter afterwards.

"You're too cold.." you complained and sighed, folding your arms.

He calmed down and patted your back, "I'm sure you've earned enough, I'm almost sick of seeing your face every single day".

You giggled, the thought that you won't be working here for a while feeling somewhat bittersweet. He looked at his watch and straightened his posture, "Alright, time to go, Y/N, will see you when you return from the trip?".

"Yes, sir," you saluted.

You quickly packed up your belongings, and as you were about to leave, your manager suddenly called out.

"Oh right, before I forget, I remember there's someone who's in the same flight and programme as you!" he called out, and you felt relieved at his words.

You sighed in relief, and you were about to ask from across the store who it was but customers started coming in, so the manager quickly gestured for you to leave and waved.

Now, it was time for your trip. It was going to be the time of your life, and you were so determined to make new friends, new memories, new—

"Oh, you like that? Me too!" you spat out nervously, your voice squeeky as you tried to get to know the other people who were in the same group as you.

They nervously laughed and turned away from you, making you feel awkward. It seemed like they already knew each other from the way they kept glancing at each other and making looks.

Well, fuck.

New friends? Maybe not..

It's okay. You could still make new memories, right?

You walked away, dragging your luggage with you as you stood alone, observing the people that were obviously grouped together already. You were eyeing and judging people based on how friendly they looked, and plotting to befriend them.

Besides, didn't your manager say Leehan was in the same programme and flight as you? He should be appearing any second.

Your eyes scanned from left to right slowly, mentally taking note of the different details of the people for future reference, and as you continued, your eyes come to a halt.

You panicked and your hands fiddled as it tried to find your luggage handle, your eyes not being able to leave the person. You felt the blood in your face disappear and your heart beat rapidly as you finally gripped onto your luggage handle and started running away.

You couldn't believe who you just saw. You just saw Sim. Fucking. Jaeyun. Fucking JAKE. Out of ALL people.

Luck wasn't on your side though, because when you started running towards the other direction, it only took you 5 seconds before you bumped into a person's chest, making your luggage fall flat onto the airport floor, a loud slap sound echoing throughout the place.

Everyone glanced at you, but you made sure your back was facing the crowd to ensure that Jake... wasn't aware that you were in the same programme and flight as you.

You rubbed your nose, feeling the pain after the impact of bumping violently into someone, and you looked up, feeling the need to apologise to the person.

"Sorr—" you apologised, but stopped when you saw the person, your eyebrows furrowing as you tried to recall who he was, "Wait.. aren't you the 'Yeppi' guy?".

"Oh my god," he facepalmed himself while still offering a hand to you. You took his hand and he helped to pull you up, your eyes glued onto him as you remembered that incident in the cafe when you still first started working.

"Sungho! Not 'Yeppi', thank you!" he replied, his eyebrows furrowing at you.

Suddenly, you heard a familiar laugh trail behind Sungho, your head looking over Sungho's shoulder and you saw another familiar figure.

"See! Even strangers call you that!" the man laughed as he walked to stand beside Sungho, and as his eyes land on you, he gasped and pointed at you.

"Y/N!" he called loudly and you panicked, covering his mouth instantly, your head slightly turning over your shoulder to see if Jake heard, and thankfully he was still in his own world, talking to other people.

"You..! How do you know my name!" you whisper-shouted and the man panicked, his eyes widened as he felt unsure what to do with a 'stranger' covering his mouth.

He mumbled out gibberish you couldn't comprehend, and he had to slap your arm repeatedly before you let go of his mouth. He gave you a dramatic sigh and dusted his hands.

"The cafe!" he pouted. "I never said my name!" you shot. "Your freaking nametag!" he complained, feeling wronged.

You had to stare at him for a second, recalling if you wore a nametag, and you indeed wore a nametag.

"Oh.." you muttered out of realisation.

"Hey! You're so mean, Y/N! How could yo—" he pointed a finger to you before you covered his mouth again, desperately not wanting your identity to be known.

"Stop. Saying. My. Name. Out. Loud. Help me out here," you whisper-shouted again, your words sharp and Sungho giggled, enjoying the show in front of him.

"Stop.. covering.. my.. mo—" Jaehyun fought for his life, trying to get out a few words as you covered his mouth more.

He smacked your arm again and you let him go.

"Fine, fine! I'll stop saying your name!" he gave in, feeling wronged and he pouted.

He added on, "But why should I help you?! We're not even friends!".

You stepped back and sighed, straightening your posture and clothes.

"Hi, my name is Y/N L/N. I major in Film Studies, and I enjoy anything related to music. You guys are my friends now, Sungho and..."

"Hah! You don't even kno—"

"Jaehyun. His name's Jaehyun," Sungho butted in, giggling again as he saw Jaehyun's little tantrum from his name being given away.

"So Jaehyun and Sungho? Got it," you thought out loud, memorising their names and faces.

You and Sungho teased Jaehyun a little bit, until Jaehyun suddenly spat out a question, "Say, why don't you want us to say your name?".

You jogged to place yourself behind them, holding their shoulders, and discreetly pointing to the main target, "Him".

"Jake?" they both said in confusion.

"SHH!"

You sighed, before continuing, "Long story short, we met on a dating app, I ghosted him, and he's so not happy about it!".

"Whaat? Why'd you ghost him?" Sungho questioned.

"I am NOT doing this right now," you recalled to when your girlfriends asked the same question, and the incident in the restaurant you ate at.

Both males sighed as they began to understand the situation. You began to feel nervous, thinking if they were friends with him.

"Wait, you guys aren't friends with him, right?" "Not really," Sungho responded.

Jaehyun answered, "Just acquintances, bump into him in campus and the cafe every once in a while".

You sighed in relief as you pulled their shoulders, making them turn towards you again.

"Help me avoid him," you pleaded and they both gave you weird looks.

"How exactly..?" Jaehyun asked. "Hang out with me. That's all," you gave a simple solution and they both gave each other looks before they both sighed.

"Okay.. Ms Y/N.. friend," Sungho replied and you fisted your hands and punched the air in happiness.

"I promise I'm a fun person!"

You were in luck when you found people to stick with right after discovering that the person you literally ghosted was in your surroundings. You've managed to hide yourself from him, hiding behind Sungho's broad shoulders from time to time whenever he was nearby. The others have given weird looks, but as long as Jake doesn't find out, it doesn't matter.

You, however, weren't that lucky with your seat in the plane. Both Jaehyun and Sungho were seated together, away from you. When you watched them board, you saw their cheeky faces as they waved you goodbye and you could've thrown a tantrum.

Now that you were alone, you were more prone to bumping into the very person you wanted to avoid with all your might. As you were waiting to board the plane, you constantly kept checking your surroundings to know if you had to hide yourself or even run away.

As the queue shortened, your turn was nearing and you were starting to feel more reassred as there were no signs of Jake. When it was the person in front of you's turn to have their ticket checked, you made one final check around.

"Who we lookin' for?"

"Ah, no one," you continued to search, feeling more safe that you were boarding without seeing him.

"Does his name happen to start with a 'J' and end with an 'E'?"

Your eyebrows raised in amusement, "You're right, actually!", you slowly turned to the person, "How'd you—".

Oh.

"Know....?" you whispered, barely audible.

Your eyes were glued to the person, your mouth slowly agape as you process what was happening.

Jake was looking at you over your shoulder and you were just staring at him. He gave you that cheeky smile he'd always given you whenever he was plotting something at the cafe. You blinked multiple times when he suddenly stuck his tongue out and cut your queue, walking in front of you and having his ticket checked first.

When the worker approved of his ticket, he turned around.

He teased, "Could end with an 'N', too. 'Jaeyun', y'know?"

He flashed that devilish grin once again before turning around and walking in.

You stared at him as he walked in, the worker who was checking the tickets growing irritated at you as you held up the line. You heard grumbles from people at the back and you immediately snapped back to reality, dropping your passport and ticket in the process.

Your heart was beating really... really.. fast. Too fast for your liking.

You were staring into nothing, your body feeling exhausted even though you did nothing but sit down on a plane seat for 7 hours straight. Your jaw was slightly dropped, your eyebags painfully visible as you stared at the friends you made along the way.

"Hello!" you heard voices, but it wasn't enough to break you from your daydream.

"Earth to Y/N!"

Suddenly, in your vision, someone snapped their fingers, literally snapping you back to reality and you immediately scanned your surroundings, seeing familiar faces.

Familiar faces that you actually wanted to see.

"Well, finally Y/N!" Sungho folded his arms.

Jaehyun added on, "We thought you almost—".

You let out sounds of cries as you opened your arms and pulled both of them into a hug, feeling emotional that you finally saw people you felt comfortable with after possibly the worst 7 hours of your life.

"—died.." Jaehyun's voice lowered significantly, taken aback by your sudden embrace but he didn't complain.

You stuffed your face into Jaehyun's shoulder, feeling like shit and finally letting out all your emotions after bottling it up. You were crying, just without the tears.

Sungho eyed Jaehyun before pursing his lips and patting your back, "There there.. Poor Y/N..".

"Was the flight that bad..?" Jaehyun questioned genuinely.

Your head shot up, your eyebrows arching upwards, "Yes!".

Luckily on the way to the hotel, you could choose the bus and the seats. There were 3 buses, and you made sure to take the one different from Jake's. The entire way there, you ranted about Jake's sudden appearance and the entire flight.

The entire flight which Jake unfortunately was a major part of as well.

"During dinner time, instead of getting dinner that everyone gets, I got something different?!" you complained.

"What do you mean?" Sungho and Jaehyun tilted their heads.

"I'd get a platter that's different than everyone else's — I checked and it was on the special menu — and—"

"Isn't that a good thing?!" Jaehyun spat. "Yeah, you get good food!" Sungho added on.

"No— I mean, okay, sure! But there was this paper note on it and I opened it, and it fucking said 'Wanna text me back?'," you grumbled loudly, not caring about the weird looks you were getting from others.

Jaehyun and Sungho had big reactions, immediately gasping and laughing. You gave them dirty looks and rolled your eyes, your misery being their joy.

"And then I turned around on instinct! And first person I made eye contact with? Fucking him!" you continued.

They both hit each other in excitement, enjoying as the story continues to unfold.

Your neck was aching from how much it was tilting to one angle. Your body was uncomfortably straight, and your palms were incredibly sweaty. You were laughing at Jaehyun's joke more, since there was a problem.

With a Jaehyun on one side, you unfortunately had a Jaeyun on the other.

Call that fucking unlucky.

"Nooooo way you did thaaat!" you dragged on your words, laughing extra loud, hoping that others would perceive that you were comfortable. Happy. Satisfied with where you were and who you were surrounded with.

Complete opposite actually.

All the students part of the programme were gathered in the same hall, and multiple groups were formed to make bigger ones for orientation. In the merged groups, everyone was sat in a circle to play some ice breakers, and with the amount of people in this circle, you thought the whole world was against you when the only person you didn't want was placed beside you.

You were mentally calculating the probability, and it was like a... 1/50 chance. You were eyeing the game leaders that were in the centre of the circle, discussing amongst themselves as you prayed even harder that they'd start the games soon so you can find a chance to slip away and sit anywhere else.

You turned once and you were only met with his raised eyebrows and cocky smile, making you gasp softly as you snapped your head back to Jaehyun and Sungho, your mind going blank as you tried to find things to say.

You simply burst out laughing, slapping Jaehyun's back a little too hard causing him to yelp out loud, accidentally catching everyone's attention and your head immediately snaps to everyone else, your eyes widened as everyone gave especially you, weird looks. You raised your hands as if you were surrendering and you heard a snicker from the other side.

"Nice one, smartie," you heard him taunt you.

You gasp and you turn your head to his, your furious eyes meeting his. "I'm going to kill you," you threatened and he snorted, crushing your ego even more.

He patted you and you shivered. "Ghosting and killing, huh? What did I ever do wrong?" he questioned, but it sounded rhetorical.

You forcefully pulled his hands away from your head, "Don't fucking touch me".

"Getting all worked up, aye?"

You thanked all of the Gods above when you finally heard the game masters in the centre of the circle start talking. You looked at Jake one more time, seeing his irritating smirk as you forcefully nudged his body hard enough to make him fall backwards. He gasped loudly and you stuck your tongue out at him.

It was your turn to snicker, and when he recovered and got up, he was about to raise his hand and smack you, but before he could do anything, you saw a pair of feet from your peripheral vision, causing the two of you to freeze.

"Ehm."

You two turned your head upwards, your eyes met with the girl who seemed like she could actually kill the both of you. You bit your lip as you scratched your neck, your head looking down in shame and Jake did the same.

"What are you two doing? I said I wanted you two to introduce yourselves since you guys are so energetic," the girl said, her tone so daunting you almost regretted doing anything.

She continued, "Stand. Up".

You two cleared your throats and stood up on clue, not wanting to anger her any further.

"I'm Y/N!" "I'm Jake!"

Both of you glared at each other, offended that the other spoke over them.

"I—" "I—"

You two looked at each other again.

"You may go—" "How about you—"

You both looked at each other again. You sucked your cheek, feeling your blood boiling. You were about to start arguing with him when the same games master loudly interrupted the both of you.

"This is Y/N, this is Jake!".

Your eyes shot at her, suddenly feeling sheepish as you realised that you were dragging on the entire programme.

"All your fucking fault, Ms Anxiety," he whisper-shouted, his hands neatly placed on top of each other as he looked down.

"Fuck you, go to hell," you whisper-shouted, wishing he could just disappear.

As the game master introduced the both of you, she turned back to the two of you and held your shoulders.. tightly.

"Sit down. Behave," she commanded and you two immediately said 'Yes ma'am' and sat back down on the floor, your heads tilted downwards in shame. Your knees accidentally bumped and you sent a glare but you made sure to not make a ruckus out of it.

It was finally the party after the orientation, and you were finally starting to meet new people. Sungho and Jaehyun were still by your side, practically being your body guards as the three of you socialised with new people.

"Say, that was so hilarious! That was like a scene out of a movie!" Woonhak burst out laughing as he recalled when you and Jake got called out in the circle in front of everyone else.

You face palmed as you took a sip of your drink, cringing as you replayed the memory in your head, "Yeah, sure, funny. Worst thing that has happened in my life..".

"Ever?" Rei questioned.

"Ever," you, Sungho and Jaehyun answered in unision.

They all laughed, enjoying your hatred and misery when it comes to Jake. Riwoo questioned, wiping his tears "Do you even know him?".

"Not at all!" you shot back immediately, your eyebrows furrowing so much it would form permenant creases on your skin.

Sungho wrapped an arm around your shoulder, "She's been suffering even before the trip.."

He started to share your cinematic experiences with Jake while working in the cafe and you helped out with the details he missed out.

On the other hand.. Jake, who was standing at the opposite corner of you...

"Bro, do you know her?" Taesan questioned him, giggling from the same incident Woonhak questioned about.

"Yup. Very well actually," Jake smirked, taking a sip from his cup.

Day 1.

You don't know what the programme organisers were thinking, but they thought that camping was a good activity. You thought you'd be learning more about the country, going to the city side, trying new food, but here you were.

You stood in the middle of everyone, your friends pulling on your sleeve as you stared into blank space, devastated and not looking forward to anything.

Suddenly, someone pushed your shoulder and you stumbled forward. You shot, "Hey!" and you turned to the person, and you couldn't have expected anyone else.

Jake snickered as he saw your worked up expression, wanting to push your buttons further but before he could try anything, your friends successfully pulled you away.

"Stop slacking!" Sungho nagged as he held your forearm, dragging you like a mother would and you groaned, allowing him to do so.

"I'm so not excited for this," you complained, still staring into nothing as your legs continued to move by themselves.

There were many reasons why this is the last thing you wanted.

First of all...

"JAKE! GET THAT AWAY FROM ME!" you screamed, causing everyone to turn back as Jake held a cicada and held it near you, giggling.

"Or what?" he tested the waters.

You hated bugs.

Second of all,

You were walking cautiously, sensitive to every sound. Everyone was split now to smaller groups and you all had agreed to gather different items. You were alone with Sungho, but he told you to stay put as he climbed the tree to get items.

You were tapping your feet, looking around cautiously in any case that something.. or someone attacks you.

Your face went cold when you heard a branch crack behind you and you immediately froze. You heard the cracks getting louder and closer, and you immediately covered your ears and squatted, screaming, "PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!".

You closed your eyes, tears already forming in your eyes from the fear and you were thanking your family and friends for being with you up till your final day.

A tear broke free when someone tapped your shoulder and your shoulders stiffened even more.

"Y/N, chillax.. it's just me," you heard Sungho's voice and you immediately looked up, heaving a sigh of relief and having more tears break free.

You were absolutely a scaredy cat. No survival instinct.

Third of all...

The group was hiking up the hill, a river flowing down and a waterfall nearby. You were looking into the body of water, fascinated but unwilling to go too close to it anything happens. You looked at how the fish moved around, slowly hiking up with the others when you scanned around, spotting Jake a little in front of you.

Suddenly, a delivish and smart idea appeared in your head, and you snickered cheekishly as you slowly started to jog to catch up to him, walking behind him. As he continues to walk, he starts becoming closer to the body of water without realising and you held up your hands and pushed him into the body of water.

But one thing you didn't know he had was his fast reaction skills.

He yelped. Held your wrist out of instinct. Pulled you down into the water with him.

Your body was immediately filled with panic as you become fully submerged into the water, thinking you'd die and your legs kick frantically in an attempt to save yourself. Jake had let go of your wrist to help himself, and as you put in all your effort to swim upwards, you gasp when your head finally reaches the surface.

"Are you fucking serious?" he glared at you, watching as you struggled to swim up. He continued to throw bashful words, "Are you like.. fucking.. 5 years old?".

You wanted to fight back, but the only thing you could fight for right now was for your life. You frantically kicked yourself up, your breathing frantic as you were filled up with fear that you'd die here.

"Don't tell me.. you can't swim..?" he commented after watching you for a while.

"I..!" gasp "Can't..!" gasp "Swim..!"

You were hopeless when it came to nature. The compatibility between you and nature was similar to the compatibility with you and Jake.

He sighed before he swam over to you and held your waist, pulling you up from the water and you instinctively wrapped your arms around his neck, nervous that if you'd let go you'd drown again.

You could hear everyone panic as they all call out for the both of you, frantic that the two of you were in water but from the way he was supporting you, you knew you'd be safe.

You stared into his eyes, seeing how the water runs down his face and how there was an irritated expression on his face. You felt his breath on your face, making you realise how close the two of you actually were.

"I like this expression," you mumbled, completely forgetting your panic 5 seconds ago.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" he snarked.

"This irritated expression. I hope you can be angry forever," you requested and he scoffed.

He rolled his eyes, "I save your fucking life and this is what you say?".

He glared at you, and you could say you were the happiest person alive but the thing that caught you off-guard was how his eyes flickered to your lips.

At this realisation, you let go of his arms, yelping as you fell back into the water. Jake was flabbergasted, caught off-guard that you suddenly let go of him and everyone on the surface screamed for help.

"Soo.. what you're saying is.. it's my fault you were dragged into the water, so you're asking me to pay for your laundry when we get back?"

"Precisely that!" you pointed a finger to Jake's face and he looked at you with a dead expression. He looked like he wanted to fight back but he simply sighed and rolled his eyes, not wanting to drag this further.

He offered his hand, "Your number?".

"What the fuck?"

"I'm not asking you for your number to be ghosted again by you. I'm asking for your number so I can tell you when to pick it up," he clarified.

Your chest stung a little by his comment, an ounce of guilt filling you and you cleared your throat, "Fine".

"Huh? Where'd this pillow come from?" you questioned after returning to your tent after cautiously making rounds around the area with Sungho and Jaehyun. You looked at Rei, thinking that she was the one who gave you the pillow but she simply shrugged and responded with a simple "I don't know".

Rei added on, "I left for a second too, and it was here when I came back".

Your eyebrow raised in suspicion, but you had no complains. You simply shrugged your shoulders and tucked yourself into the sleeping bag, the pillow adding comfort.

You sighed as you tried to forget about where the pillow possibly came from. You turned to Rei, who was beside you.

"Is that pillow given to you too?" you questioned as you pouted at her, placing your hands to your face to add to the comfort.

"Nah, it's mine," she responded, her voice slightly raspy.

"What?! You knew to bring?"

"It was literally in the itinerary!"

"Jake, what's up with your neck?" you heard a guy question.

Your eyes shot to his direction, curious to see what the commotion was about, your eyebrow raising in curiosity.

Jake shrugged as he continued to rotate his neck in circles, stretching out the muscles. You shot a weird look despite him not looking in your direction and rolled your eyes.

"Just slept funny, I guess" you heard Jake respond.

'That's what you get. May your neck be cursed and remain stiff eternally!' you thought to yourself.

You giggled to yourself, enjoying that you were cursing him out and the others looked at you in concern. Riwoo nudged Woonhak, whispering into his ears, "Has she gone coo coo..?".

Woonhak shrugged and snickered, having the same exact thoughts as Riwoo.

Day 2 wasn't that much better than day 1, but you've grown used to the nature, becoming braver than you were yesterday. You'd stop flinching whenever a branch nearby cracks, you're at least more brave to walk around as long as there's at least one person beside you. You're more capable, though there were moments where you ran to Rei and held her tightly, embracing for impact.

Everyone was on the trail, the stream of water flowing down. The atmosphere was filled with the waters crashing and the sounds of conversation, and you were simply following and enjoying the view. Though you admitted that you hated being in the forest, it's not everyday you get to enjoy the nature.

Your eyes scanned around the area as you continued to walk, your neck turning when you suddenly make eye contact with someone's camera. The person instantly pans their phone away from you, your eyes blinking to make out who it was to realise it was the one you hated the most.

"DId you take a fucking photo of me?" you called out, still walking. You were irritated, but you weren't that worked up compared to yesterday.

"Yeah, you looked fucking ugly, Ms Anxiety," he scoffed.

You didn't fight back, deciding that you didn't have anymore time and energy to waste on him.

"Whatever floats your fucking boat," you responded and his eyebrows raised, amused that you weren't being a public nuisance and causing trouble as usual.

You've grown accustomed to the nature and walking around, but you didn't get accustomed to obstacle courses. To be specific — elevated obstacle courses, also known as high elements.

"I DON'T WANNA GO!" you screeched, holding onto the rope that kept you secure and safe, your grip insanely tight as you shut your eyes closed.

The instructor nervously laughed, patting your back as he tried to encourage you to go. You were already halfway and it would be such an inconvenience to you and everyone behind you if you turned back, so you could only move forward.

You looked downwards slowly, peeking over the edge and feeling your legs grow more wobbly. You had a fear of heights, and that added onto the reasons why the forest is the worst place you could be.

"Don't look down! Just— just go!" you heard Sungho cheer you on from behind. You took a brief second to turn backwards, feeling motivated and encouraged by Sungho's words, but as soon as you looked back down you panicked and stopped again.

"Fuck! Why did I come onto this trip!" you whisper shouted to yourself, your lips quivering from fear.

Your nails were digging into your palms and your hands were shaking. You were ready to just.. die, until..

"Y/N! Don't be scared! Just jump!" you heard a voice ahead and your head immediately shot up, shocked to see who was motivating you.

Jake was caught off-guard by the expression on your face and he bit his lip, scratching his neck for a split second. "Just.. just jump you dumbass!" he yelled, stepping back into the course and holding his hand out.

You slowly stood up, your legs wobbly as you frowned at him, surprised to see this new side of him but at the same time, you could only care about getting over this high elements obstacle course.

"You..!" you muttered.

"Don't put the 'anxiety' in Ms Anxiety!" he mocked you in an attempt to motivate you.

A part of you felt like punching him, so you immediately scoffed, screaming as you jumped towards him. He was bewildered at how you did it with no hesitation after his comment, but he took your hand. Your foot landed on the checkpoint, but you accidentally slipped backwards.

You yelped loudly but he immediately gripped your forearm, pulling you towards him and preventing you from falling. Your foreheads knocked from how close he pulled you, making you groan in pain as you rub your forehead.

Your eyes slowly trail up his face, eventually locking eyes with him, feeling his breath on your face, and as you realised how he was staring back into your eyes, your chest tightened and your stomach tensed up. The strands of hair on your arm stood up, and you immediately became fully conscious, standing up properly while screaming and pushing him away in the process, making him dangle in the air.

"ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!" he yelled as he dangled in the air, desperately trying to get hold of the checkpoint edge as you stared at him, your eyes about to pop out as you frantically tried to reach your hand out.

You'd never thought you'd see your hotel bed again after 2 days in nature since it felt like 400 years. You enjoyed the coolness of the AC and jumped onto the bed, enjoying the texture of the sheets after it being untouched for the past 2 days. You cuddled up to your pillow, bringing the sheets towards your face as you stretched your back and legs, your eyes shut from how comfortable you felt.

After getting comfortable and sufficiently stretching, you flipped onto your back, staring into the ceiling and thanking all the Gods above that you managed to reach back the hotel safely and that you get to enjoy the comforts of a hotel room.

You were about to doze off until you heard your phone vibrate. Excited that Sungho, Jaehyun or the rest texted you, your eyes immediately opened and your hand flew to the nightstand, where your phone was placed, and you turned it on to check your notifications.

unknown : Hi unknown : Don't ghost me unknown : I have your clothes

What. The. Fuck. Who was this stalker?!

y/n : who the fuck are you. y/n : are you fucking STALKING ME

unknown : You fucking dumbass unknown : Don't flatter yourself unknown : The poor guy who got ghosted for absolutely no reason unknown : Remember him?

Oh my god.

jake : The poor guy who so happened to be me?

y/n : i figured

jake : Still no remorse?

y/n : can you shut the fuck up

You made a disgusted face at your screen, irritated by his attitude.

jake : Oh? jake : Okay. jake : Rooftop in 5 or else i'm throwing your clothes down the building.

You gasped loudly, sitting up on your bed.

y/n : you would not FUCKING DARE.

And before you knew it, you were out the door.

You sipped the drink that Jake had made, tapping your tongue at the roof of your mouth to taste the drink, before you made a satisfied expression, raising your eyebrows.

After a long day at the cooking workshop for day 3, you decided that you wanted to make coffee for yourself at the shared hotel kitchen room, missing your barista job when you realise that Jake was already there.

You two were bickering, when you two eventually came to an agreement that Jake would make you something.

Without poisoning you, of course.

You licked your lips as you frowned, looking at him afterwards. "Hate to give it to you.. but—"

"It's good, right?" he interrupted, his arms folded and his head high, feeling proud of the drink he made.

You rolled your eyes at how he praised himself. "You're thinking too highly of yourself," you commented, "But it's not bad".

He grinned in satisfaction, the compliment filling a part of the void in his heart. You continued, "You're actually kinda good at this".

"Well, duh? I'm close to your boss?"

You pursed your lips, "Whatever".

jake (DNI) : Want my drink again?

You were surprised to see the notification pop up at the top of your phone. You didn't think it through when you drank his coffee when you were literally about to sleep, now you were struggling.

y/n : you wish. y/n : i literally cant sleep

And the next surprising thing? It was the fact the two of you texted until you both fell asleep, just like how you two texted when you were on that dating app. However, this time was different, because you didn't feel like pulling away.

"You're more tolerable these days," you mumbled, barely audible that Jake almost missed it. Jake's eyebrows raised and he froze for a second, taking a moment to process what you'd just said. He cleared his throat and scratched his neck, recovering from your sudden comment.

Everyone around the table made low sounds of approval as they understood what happened, giving each other the eye and smirking. For the entire of day 4, it was a free day to let everyone explore, and your group decided that shopping to get souvenirs was a good idea.

You didn't even know how, but Jake suddenly appeared with your group but you didn't fight against it, slowly growing used to his presence.

After gathering back at the hotel, everyone, including the leaders, were having dinner together. You also didn't even know how but Jake ended up sitting beside you, and after being teased by the rest, Jake popped the question "What do you think about me?" to tease you further, which led to that answer.

You didn't know why you were so blunt. You didn't know why you weren't having the usual banter with him — you didn't feel like it. You ignored all the mummers and sounds from others, picking up your fork and slightly playing with your food.

"So I've looked through your activity recommendations for tomorrow when you guys submitted your forms, and we decided between two activities!" one of the leaders announced and you folded your arms, sleepily resting your head on Rei's shoulder as everyone paid close attention.

"Probably gonna be boring, huh?" you commented.

"Yup, maybe," Rei responded.

The leader continued, "FIrst activity would be ocean gazing at the nearby beach!".

There were sounds of approval across the crowd, people looking at each other and nodding excitedly.

"And the next would be star gazing at the nearby school's rooftop!"

Your eyes immediately scanned the room for Jake. You observed how his face lit up — his eyes about to pop out, his eyes widened, his mouth agape and you noticed how he smacks his friend in excitement. You giggled to yourself, finding him cute how he was so excited for the activity.

"Who're you looking at?" "No one!" your head immediately shot forward, your smile dropping and your posture straightening.

Rei gave you a doubtful look but brushed it away.

"You guys would have to vote between the two!" the leader continued, and you noticed from your peripheral view how Jake's shoulders slowly dropped.

Your chest slightly tightened at his mood change, you immediately turned to Rei. You voiced out, "Say, isn't star gazing so cool?".

"Huh? But ocean gazing sounds more—" "Nahh, you have the opportunity to do that back home! Unlike for star gazing!" you tried to convince her. "Hmm, you have a point.."

It was your victory when it was declared that star gazing was the chosen activity. You'd been going around, convincing people that star gazing was the better option and to your luck, they were all open-minded to your idea.

As the activity was declared, you watched how Jake punched the air in excitement, your chest tightening and your stomach feeling queesy at the sight.

"Hnnm? Who's got you smiling to yourself?" Jaehyun bumps his shoulder and your face immediately stones up. You didn't respond in hopes he'd magically forget that you were giggling to yourself.

He leaned in, inspecting your face, smiling while pointing at you, "Ohh? You're even red!".

You slapped your hand onto Jaehyun's mouth, "You better stop!".

You would be jumping for joy, but instead you were down, staring into nothing with your heart feeling empty. For some reason, Jake felt distant. It would already be a surprise if you two conversed without getting onto each other's necks, but the fact that he hasn't teased or argued with you once this day?

You occasionally took glances at Jake, often making eye contact but instead of him making a snarky expression, he immediately broke eye contact and turned away, his expression unreadable.

You sucked your inner cheek, feeling unsure to why your chest was tightening at such sight. You should've been happy right? He's finally leaving you alone just like you've always wanted.

But at the same time, you wish he'd just tease you at least once. It was driving you crazy at the possibility that he was ignoring you. He was just okay yesterday, so why the sudden shift overnight?

"Is that a telescope?! Looks so cool!" Woonhak exclaimed as he started jogging towards the telescope that was placed beside the fence on the rooftop.

The rooftop was dark, the area being lit up by the lights around. You could hear loud conversation sparsed out in the area, each of them being thrilled and in awe by the night sky. The sky had countless of bright gems, the view looking spectacular.

You folded your arms as your friends wrapped their arms around your shoulder, running and dragging you towards the telescope. Today felt off, you didn't really feel like doing anything but you couldn't just sit out.

Sungho patted your back, "C'mon, I don't know what's wrong but you can't possibly still be sad after seeing this view?".

You shrugged, tilting your head upwards as you saw the view, in awe as you grinned to yourself. You turned down and looked up ahead, and there was the telescope. You saw a group of people approaching it, peeking into the scope and hearing sounds of curiousity and enthusiasm.

Your eyes looked around, and you saw someone behind the group of people. You watched how Jake tapped his feet impatiently, smiling to himself and filddling with his fingers as he peeked over the people's shoulders, wondering when they'd be done so it'd be his turn.

Your friends talked to each other, your mind somewhere else as you stared at the boy. Once it was his turn, his whole body shook and he started to walk towards the telescope. You beamed at nothing, enjoying the sight of lively Jake, but right before he peeked into the scope, he turned around.

He turned around and his eyes scanned the crowd, until it met yours. However, this time he didn't break it, and neither did you. You two stared each other for a brief moment, and you gave him a genuine smile for the first time ever. He weakly gave you a grin, and you nodded and gestured for him to look into it quickly.

You knew it had always been his passion, and though you hated his guts, you had to admit that a part of you was happy for him.

"You came back?" you questioned, and Jake immediately turned his head from the telescope. He was stunned to see you, eyeing you up and down.

"Ms Anxiety's here too?" he remarked as he pouted, his expression unreadable again.

Everyone had returned to the hotel 2 hours ago, and by right you were supposed to be sleeping by now, but you couldn't brush away the thought that Jake was purposely avoiding you earlier in the day.

"Nickname's getting old," you pursed your lips, dragging your feet and sitting on the floor beside him.

"This is getting old," he shot and you looked at him, puzzled.

"What are you talking about?"

"Us," he declared, and he finally leaned back from the telescope, looking down at you and for once, you could finally read his expression. His eyes were filled with hurt, and his frown was genuine. He wasn't looking for a fight — he felt wronged and hurt, and he was finally showing it. You two stared into each other for a period of time, the sound of your heart beat loud in your ears.

He broke the silence, "Why did you do that?".

"Do what?"

"Convince everyone to go star gazing?"

"You.. knew?"

"Of course I did. I'd be a blind fuck if I didn't," he snarked.

You stared into his eyes and frowned, struggling to form words. You knew the reason, but you didn't want to admit it. There was another period of silence, as you were lost in your own thought.

"I thought about it over and over this entire day," he stepped back from the telescope and took a step towards you, "and I've concluded that it was for me, wasn't it?".

He squatted down in front of you, his eyes full of vulnerability. If you were in your normal state, you'd throw out curse words, slap him and run away as usual, but this time you felt the unusual urge to be honest, open up, tell him the truth.

"It was," your voice was quiet, your eyes never leaving his.

He sighed as he looked away, scratching his neck. " I just want to ask," he turned back at you, "Why did you do it?".

He didn't need to specify what he was talking about. You knew exactly what he was referring to, and it wasn't the reason why you were running around and convincing everyone to go star gazing, but you played dumb.

"Because star gazing is—"

"No," he cut you off, his voice stern, "I don't care about that. I'm talking about why you ghosted me".

He turned his head back to you, his eyes on you. The question was heavy, and even if he was the one who was wronged, you could tell that he was still patient. His gaze wasn't scary, it was welcoming. His eyes were softened as he waited for you to think about a response.

You looked at him, guilt taking over as you built up courage and forced yourself to maintain eye contact. You pursed your lips and scratched your neck, having the reason in your head but being unable to form proper words.

"It.." you started, "Was scary".

He tilted his neck as you said one sentence that was completely vague.

"I really liked you, you were fun," you confessed, "I've never texted someone so much in my life before," your eyes drifted away, feeling slightly embarrased, "But it was getting too real".

Your eyes wandered back to his, and you could see a soft frown on his head, the creases on his forehead slightly visible.

"It was scary, I was scared," you continued, "I started to make myself hate you, put a distance, push you away".

"But fate's crazy, brought us together, and here we are, hating each other," you commented.

"Are you sure?" he questioned, doubt in his voice.

"Well, of course fate brought us together, if not—"

"I'm asking about the 'hate' part. Are you sure you hate me?"

You stared at him, being completely speechless. You wanted to be open about your feelings, confess how you felt, and as soon as you were about to open your mouth, you started to get second thoughts

What if he hurts you? What if he makes fun of you? What if—

"Yes," your response came out quiet, barely audible and you looked down, not having the conscious to look at him in the eye.

There was a moment of silence before he said "Okay" loudly and turned away, walking back towards the telescope. You looked up at him, puzzled as to why he wasn't reacting.

"W-what?"

"You said you hate me, so why are you still here?"

You had to think about it for a second, "I don't—".

"You don't know. You hate me, so just go," he demanded.

You were confused as to why he was shutting you out now. You've always hated each other, so what's different now?

"Jake, why are you acting like this?" you questioned without thinking.

He scoffed before turning back, a smirk on his face, "Why am I acting like this?". He took a few steps, standing directly in front of you, your faces a few centimetres away from each other.

"Why do you think, Y/N?" he smiled, but it wasn't a welcoming one. It was a frightening one.

You simply stared at him, not knowing what to say.

"Call me crazy but, even over only text, I've smiled and laughed way more with you compared to the people I've been on actual dates with," he confessed, "And I was patient and understanding with you, and yet you left because it was... 'getting too real'?".

He scoffed, ruffling his hair in frustration and laughing to himself as if this was all a joke. You wanted to express your true thoughts, but he continued to talk before you could.

"And you say all of that, yet you still do things for me that make me question... everything?"

You frowned at his sentence, not knowing what he was referring to, "Question.. everything?"

"Question if what we had was real."

He sucked his inner cheek, placing his hands on his hips as he stared at you, fury in his eyes.

"Laugh at me all you want, call me someone who's emotional over someone 'online', I don't care anymore," he declared, "Don't talk to me anymore. Don't do anything for me, Y/N, I don't want to associate with you anymore".

He sharply turned his back to you, and your heart ached at the sight. You bit your lip, not having enough courage to face him, especially now when he was so pent up with fury. He walked back towards the telescope, leaning and looking through the scope.

You wanted to walk to him, tap his shoulder and just talk everything out, but what was the point? You two weren't even friends. You.. hate him, so what's the point? What's there to talk about?

You bit your lip hard, clenching your fists, turning your back and walked away, fighting every urge to just turn back and confess everything to him. You couldn't even mutter an apology — you didn't have the guts to.

It was the last day, and you were supposed to be having fun — clinking glasses with other people, swim with other people in the pool, dance to the music, but here you were, sitting on a bench far away from everyone, staring into blank space as memories of the previous day kept coming to your head.

Your chest felt heavy and you didn't have the energy to do anything. You stood up from the bench, wanting to go back to your hotel room to pack up your things for the flight tomorrow, but before you could leave, someone gripped your wrist.

"Y/N! Where are you going? Let's go for a swim!"

You turned around and it was Rei, and you were about to nicely decline, but before you could do that, she started to pull you towards the pool.

"Eh? R-Rei, wait-! My necklace!" you panicked, using your free hand and trying to get your necklace off but before you knew it, she dragged you into the water with her, making you completely submerge into the water.

You panicked because you didn't know how to swim at all, but when you kicked, your feet immediately came into contact with the pool floor, so you stood up, everything from your shoulder being in the surface.

You pouted at Rei, "I'm going to kill you".

She giggled cheekily and started to run in water, "Not if you can't catch me!".

Packing your luggage, you were mentally ticking things off from the list you made at the back of your head, touching and rummaging through your luggage to confirm the item's presence.

After a few hours, you pretty much packed everything, but there was this one item in your list you couldn't quite remember what it was. You tried walking around your hotel to get visual cues on what the last item could possibly be, walking into rooms and turning on the light then standing still for a moment to try to recall the item.

You walked around like an idiot, a puzzled expression on your face throughout and you sat down on your bed, feeling defeated when you layed down, staring at your ceiling. You scratched your neck in confusion, but you realised that the sensation felt different.

And that's when you realised — your necklace is gone. You sat up from your bed, patting your neck violently in hopes a cold metal would come into contact with your hand, but to no avail. You started to inspect your body thoroughly, hoping to feel a hard bump anywhere especially in your pockets, but absolutely nothing.

You immediately stood up, letting out sounds of panick as you frantically looked around, searching high and low as you opened and closed cupboards frantically, hoping it would appear in your sight. You even checked under the bed, the bathroom, trash can, and you paced around the room.

That's when you remembered — the swimming pool.

Your eyes widened and your shoulders dropped when you remembered trying to frantically remove your necklace before Rei dragged you in the water.

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

That was the fastest you ran out of your hotel room, not having any thoughts to bring your phone or other personal belongings. You headed straight for the pool, praying to all the Gods above that you'd be able to find your necklace.

Searching frantically, you ran around the swimming pool area and tried to recall when you were still here, trying to retrace your steps. You've checked the perimeters of the pool, every single corner of all of the benches, each crevice you stumble upon, and yet there was nothing.

"Finding something?" a voice scared you and you jumped. You immediately turned around, a frown plastered across your face from the stress and then you realised who it was.

"Jake? What're you doing here?" you questioned, blinking awkwardly as you recalled your argument the previous day. You suddenly became fully conscious of the way you stood and looked, stiffening up as you pursed your lips.

"Couldn't sleep, need help?" he replied, dark eyebags obvious under his eyes.

You stared at him, slightly bewildered to the difference in his personality compared to the previous day. You recalled his words, feeling the same hurt again, and at the same time, thinking how you could avoid hurting him again.

"It's okay if you don't—" he was about to turn his back. "No!" you yelled, ducking down slightly and checking the area, hoping there weren't any teachers checking the area.

When you realised you were in the clear, you stood normally, "I need.. your help".

The facial expression on his face softened and he sighed, "What are you looking for?".

"My mom's necklace," you answered promptly, making him raise your eyebrows.

"The same one you mentioned that one time?"

"The exact same".

He gave you a reassuring look, silently letting you know that you weren't alone in finding it. You didn't know how to react to him suddenly acting different, but that was something out of your concerns. You needed the necklace before you leave.

The two of you checked the area again, on the tables, cabiets, near the benches, the perimeters of the pool, but absolutely nothing. You were stressed out, pulling your hair in frustration when he suddenly spoke up.

"Have you checked the water?"

You looked up at him and frowned, "No? Why would it—" and then you recalled that Rei dragged you into the pool, "Oh".

You puffed up your cheeks, "You're right".

He sat down on a nearby chair, "I'll wait for you to change and come back".

You raised an eyebrow at him, taking a step into the water, "What are you talking about? I'm going in now".

He looked slightly amused to see you step in with your pyjamas, following you inside afterwards. You were wearing your precious pyjamas, while he was wearing a normal top with basketball shorts.

You felt awkward because you weren't in the proper clothes to be in the pool, but you could care less. You had one goal and that was all that mattered. The two of you split up, taking different sides of the pool, but when you heard the sudden sloshing sound of water, you immediately turned to be met with the sight of Jake raising his hand in the air, with something metallic and shiny dangling from his hand.

"Bingo," he declared and you immediately ran (in water..) to him. Your eyes widened and weight was taken off of your shoulders, the constant ache in your chest from worry slowly disappearing.

"You found it?!" you asked a rhetorical question, your eyes never leaving your precious necklace. It was a necklace you've worn every single day and cherished because it was something your mother gave to you before she passed on.

"I did," he smiled at you.

You ran up to him, placing your hands on his chest, trying to take the necklace from his hand but he straightened his arm, making the necklace out of reach. You pouted at him as you tried to jump for it, which was practically impossible because your clothes were drenched and so heavy it was pulling you down, and his arms were too long.

You whined and he teased you back and forth, both of you laughing loudly. You both played in water, splashing each other and making waves as you tried to fight for your necklace.

It was almost like yesterday didn't happen. It was almost like he never asked you to stay away from him.

"God, Jake, give it back! I still need to finish up my packing!" you whined, a smile never leaving your face.

He gave a smug expression, "Okay, fine".

You waddled towards him to stand in front of him, and you watched him offer your necklace. You felt content, feeling satisfied after finding the thing you were so desperate to fnd, reaching your hand to grab onto it until he suddenly raised his hand up again.

You stumbled and fell forward, his hands immediately catching you and your hands landing on his chest as you tried to stabilise yourself. You blinked a couple of times, processing what had just happened before you slowly looked up to be met by his gaze.

Your faces were too close for comfort, and you only blinked at him. Your face grew more red by the second as you understood what was happening, and you wanted to step backwards, but you were frozen.

His jaw clenched as he stared at you, feeling flabbergasted as well. He slowly lowered his arm, your necklace just dangling next to his face. You bit your lip and gently took the necklace from his hand, and he didn't resist at all.

"Uhm," you looked away and scratched your neck, "Thanks".

Your eyes wandered back to his again, only to see the same expression on his face and you immediately felt nervous, so you wanted to make your leave.

"Well, uhm, thanks, I'll be—" you turned your back but he quickly grabbed your hand, preventing you from turning further.

"Don't.." his voice came out as a soft whisper, "Don't go".

You slowly turned back, seeing his pleading expression and all the thoughts about leaving the pool left your head.

"I'm sorry," he said in the midst of nowhere, catching you when you were unguarded, "I said things yesterday, and I said it because I was.. out of it.

Your gaze remained on him, watching how his eyes flicker from left to right as he felt regretful. You sucked your inner cheek, feeling guilty, "No, you were right".

There was silence, the only sounds audible is the sound of water slowly flowing and crickets. You noticed how his eyes flickered to your lips, his grip on your waist tightening. The space between the two of you was basically non-existent, the tension in the air growing stronger to the point you couldn't just walk away without doing anything.

He licked his lips, and you watched the way his tongue runs across his lip. His mouth parts and your eyes meet his again, sensing the desperation and need in his eyes. Your arms snake around his neck, and both of your faces leaned in closer, your foreheads resting on each other.

You slowly closed your eyes, leaning in until you heard a loud shout.

"WHO'S THERE?!"

The two of you immediately came back to reality, your heads turning rapidly as you tried to scan the area and detect where that sound was from.

"Shit, shit shit! Go go go!" he panicked, holding your hand and dragging you out of the pool. You followed along, running as fast as you can even with the pyjamas slowing you down, running into the hotel and drenching the carpet with all the water dripping.

You two laughed as you run across the halls, the trail of water being left as your mark, hearing the teacher run after you. The two of you ran up the stairs, deciding that the lift would screw the both of you over, and when you reached your level, you tugged on Jake's hand.

"This is my floor!" you announced and he grinned at you, panting.

"Okay, go now, g'nite!" he let go of your hand and continued to climb the stairs, the sounds of the teacher rushing up the stairs echoing through the entire staircase, and you immediately opened the door on your floor that led to the hallways, making it to your room and opening the door swiftly.

You shut the door locked, your back pressed up against your door as you stayed silent, trying to listen for any signs of the teacher outside, After a period of time, you concluded that you were in the clear.

It was literally 1AM, and you were in your pyjamas, drenched and literally dripping. You sighed as you immediately made your way to your bathroom to take a shower after ensuring your necklace was kept in a safe spot.

Did last night really just happen? Was it a dream? Was the way he looked at you real? Was the way he leaned in genuine? Were you two about to kiss? What would've happened if you two kissed? Would it all be real—

"Y/N!" a voice snapped you out of your day dream. Jaehyun frowned, folding his arms as he positioned himself directly in front of you, "I've said your name 5 times, and you still can't hear me! Are you okay?!".

You huffed out air, scratching your neck, suddenly fully conscious of your surroundings. "Sorry 'bout that.." you puffed up your cheeks and eyes wandered around, hoping to catch one person.

"I swear, Y/N has completely flipped, the person she was before this trip...." Sungho started, but his voice slowly started to fade out in your ears when your eyes finally land on him.

Jake was smiling as per usual, as if nothing had happened last night, and your chest ached slightly at the sight, making you question if it was only you feeling confused about the whole situation. You wanted to approach him, confront him, but a part of you wished he did it first.

You cleared your throat, shaking the thoughts away as you tried to forget about it. Maybe you'll get a chance to talk to him before you board, or when you're on the plane. Definitely.

"Who're you looking for?" Woonhak questioned, and you immediately shook your hands as if you'd just gotten caught.

"No one!" you defended yourself, your voice high pitched and Woonhak nodded, looking away. He knew you were lying but he didn't want to push it.

Everyone was collecting their luggages, but for some reason, even before, during, and after the 7 hour flight, you have not seen him at all. You haven't gotten the chance to talk to him at all, and it was driving you mad.

You couldn't bring yourself to ask anyone else, because you knew it would just be endless teasing until you die, so you kept it to yourself, hoping a miracle would happen and that he'd be right in front of you.

But nothing.

Next place you'd look to find him? Work. But even so..

"Ah, hey Y/N! You're back! Just wanted to know we opened a new outlet in the other area and we already planned to shift you there!"

Next place..? The dating app.

But you tried searching his user, finding your old chats, but it was all missing. Absolutely no traces of him.

Maybe it was fate for you to forget him. I mean, what can be so hard about it, right? You've already hated his guts, wishing the worst for him, but at the same time, you remembered the image of him leaning in, making you shudder and kick your legs in confusion.

You screamed into your pillow, hoping that you could just forget him and the things you've done for the past few months. Maybe you shouldn't have met him, or downloaded that stupid app. If not everything would've been okay.

"Ah, Y/N? That's such a lovely name!" the male sitting the opposite of you complimented, and you gave a small smile.

You decided that dating apps do work, and that Jake wasn't really that special, right? If Jake had been implanted in your mind, it can be the same for other people you meet! Or so you thought.

You were fiddling with your fingers, looking through your bag for a non-existent item, going through your phone when you were literally on a date, and worst of all — you wished it was Jake sitting in front of you.

You hated him? Maybe, but did you wish for his presence? Definitely.

The male in front of you started talking about himself, showing off his status and wealthiness, and you nodded repeatedly to show you were physically listening, but your mind was somewhere else.

That was when you suddenly felt a grip on your wrist and a strong tug, making you gasp loudly and shoot your eyes towards the person who was pulling onto you.

"Jake?! What are you—"

"Sorry bro, she's booked by me," Jake faced your date and patted the guy's back, who's jaw was dropped. Poor boy.

Jake dragged you out after you finished packing up your things in a swift, and as soon as you were outside, you snatched your wrist back, frowning at him and giving him a snarky look.

"What do you think you're doing?!" you snapped, feeling completely taken-aback by his rude appearance. You just wanted to run back in and apologise to your date for Jake's rudeness.

"Saving you, what do you think?" he replied sarcastically, raising his eyebrows at you. He continued, "And also, you're willing to go on a date with that.. dude? And you can't even meet up with me?".

"What do you mean saving?! And you make my date sound like he's a bad guy or something! I'm going to apologis—" you scolded, turning your back to walk back in until he held your wrist again.

"Nah—uh, you're staying here with me. I paid for the bill already, ordered a few extra drinks for the man, so you have nothing to apologise for," he voiced out.

You turned back to face him again, "Okay?! But that doesn't change the fact that I'm just rudely leaving him?!".

"Why does that matter? You're never gonna see him again," he asserted, and you glared at him.

"How do you know that, huh?"

"Because I'm here."

You scoffed as you snatched your wrist again, folding your arms, "You've been gone from my life for a while, and you're suddenly here and you still have the audacity to think that I still like you?!".

"So you admit you liked me?" he smiled.

"Not the fucking point."

He sighed and folded his arms, pacing in a small circle before his eyes settled back on you. He spoke, "If you don't want me to take you on a date right now, walk back in," he raised up his hand, "I'll give you 5 seconds".

"5" "4" "3" "2"

He looked at you, the amusement in his face never leaving.

"1"

And he finally closed all his fingers, the smile on his face widening. He extended his hand, gesturing for you to take it, "Let's go on a real date now, shall we?".

You silently took his hand, the frown still on your face, "I thought you ghosted me".

"Well, taste of your own fucking medicine, no?".

You and him did so many things together, and you could finally say that you were having a good time, unlike when you were having that dinner date with the other boy. You were laughing like there was no tomorrow, running around as he chased you down and tickled you when he caught you.

He kept telling you things like "This is what I wanted to do when I asked you to go out" which made your heart flutter, but he always had to add salt to the wound by saying something cold like "But someone felt the need to avoid me".

You and him ran up the staircase of the building, barging the door open where you were met with the night view. The rooftop was chilly, the cold wind blowing and Jake closed the door behind the two of you. You were in awe when you saw the stars in the sky, the sky looking so bright, more than you could've imagined.

"Say," he broke the silence, "Since I trust you won't run away now, could I ask of you to do the thing I've been wanting to do the most ever since?".

You glanced at him, puzzled to what he was referring to, but you saw him offer his hand. Still confused to what he was referring to, you took his hand in hopes he'd give you context.

"Let's dance," he asked and you were flabbergasted.

"So suddenly?" you choked, "But we have no music!".

"So what?" he twirled you around, his hands finding comfort in your waist afterwards.

You frowned at him, raising an eyebrow at him, "If someone thinks we're crazy, I'm going to blame you".

He scoffed and rolled his eyes, "Okay, sure whatever".

It started to quietten down as the two of you start to focus on each other, eye contact never breaking as he started to initiate the dance. The dance was.. slow. He took small steps, making it easier for you to follow along and when you accidentally tripped on his shoe, he quickly caught you, his hands around your waist. You were feeling doubtful of yourself, but he gave you a reassuring smile which gave you the courage to continue.

He slowly started to speed up as you started to get the hang of it, your body starting to feel less awkward and moving with the flow. You started to feel comfortable, the thought of someone suddenly coming to the rooftop and judging the two of you disappearing.

He twirled you around, the grin on his face never-leaving as he watched you. You were so sure he could hear your heart beat from how fast it was beating, and you teasingly stuck your tongue out at him, earning a loud chuckle which broke the silence.

The two of your bodies moved along with each other, your rhythms matching each others' even if there was no music to cue the both of you. He moved passionately with you, and you felt like you could do this all night.

Your eyes left his for a second to glance at the sky once again, and although you could see this every night, for some reason it seemed like the stars were shining brighter.

The stars seemed brighter, the sky looked prettier, and the moon's glow looked more ethereal.

"Hey," he broke the silence.

Your eyes fell back on his, curiosity filling you, "What?".

"You're more fun when you don't run away," he confessed.

He wasn't being mean or mocking you. He was being honest. Genuine.

You stared at him in awe, being lost in his gaze.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked you, making your smile drop.

"What?" you muttered out, being caught off-guard that he asked such question. You were surprised that he'd ask you that out of the blue, but instead of feeling the need to push him and run away, you stayed on the spot and stared at him.

"I know you heard me," he stopped his tracks as well, the two of you now just standing and staring at each other.

You blinked at him, not believing what is about to happen. You suddenly remembered the time at the swimming pool, and your face turned red.

"Oh-ho, the moonlight isn't helping you!" he pointed at you, "I can see you blush!".

Your jaw dropped and your arms releases from his neck, cupping your cheeks and feeling your cheeks physically become hot. You avoided his gaze and turned your head from side to side, feeling nervous.

"I—" you muttered, only forming incoherent words.

His teasing made you feel embarrased, and you wanted to run to a corner to prepare yourself, but before you could turn away, he held your hands, "Nah-uh, I literally just complimented you for not running away".

You licked your lips, avoiding his gaze as you allowed him to inspect your face further, feeling more conscious of yourself.

"Look at me, please," he pleaded, and after a few seconds of building courage, you finally looked at him and saw vulnerability and love in his eyes.

"I'll ask again, okay?" he stated, "Actually no, I won't even ask—". He declared, "I want to kiss you".

Your eyes widened and your face grew even more red, the tips of your ears starting to become red as well.

"If you want to kiss me too, please say it too," he softly whispered, his eyebrows furrowing upwards as he grew more nervous to see how you'd respond.

"I.." your voice was quiet, "want to kiss you too..".

His eyes widened, and before you knew it, his lips clashed onto yours.

The kiss was slow and patient, as if he was being patient with you. It was similar to how he's been patient with you this entire time when you've been ghosting and pushing him away. You were awkward at first, feeling afraid and wanting to just disappear, but when he pulled you closer to him, it was almost like he was reassuring that he won't run away and hurt you.

You finally gave in, letting yourself loose after keeping your guard up for so long. The kiss felt heavenly, and it felt like a huge weigh on your back was finally removed. Your face grew even more red and your heart was beating more rapidly, your hands turning into fists as you fought the urge to push him away.

His lips felt like heaven. It was so comforting, and the way his lips moved with yours was perfect. He tilted your neck and snuck his tongue in after you finally started to kiss him back, earning a soft gasp from you. He explored the depths of your mouth, making you let out a moan.

Upon hearing your moan, he froze and instantly pulled back, "Did you just.. moan?".

"Shut the fuck up!"

He laughed out loud and you felt so irritated at his teasing, making you raise your fist. Seeing your raised fist was his cue to start running, and you chased him around, throwing curse words and threatening him that if you ever caught him, he'd be dead.

Originally, this was how you pushed him away, but in the end after you've confronted your feelings, this is how you pull him closer —no more running away, embracing and confronting the connection you both shared.

extra note : dare i say this is inspired by a real life experience except it wasnt fun and thrilling like this and i ghosted him after like 1.5 days lol

taglist @cutehoons02 @vixialuvs @jvngw0nlvr @ikeulove @addictedtohobi @miszes

545 notes · View notes