nowâŠthis is certainly an interesting view pointâŠ
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flower therapy | f. odair
masterlist
summary: after being rescued from the capitolâs torturous clutches, your boyfriend, finnick odair, assists you with recovering from haunting memories and ptsd.
pairing: finnick odair x reader
warnings: finnick being major boyfriend material, soft reader, mentions of torture, ptsd, panic attack, hurt/comfort, fluff
notes: the way i lowkey triggered myself into a panic attack while writing this?? iâm okay now though đ
word count: 1.3k
Post-traumatic stress mental rehabilitation. That is what the psychiatric doctors of District Thirteen suggested after you were rescued from being captured and tortured in the Capitol. Their methods sounded daunting and all too familiarâsterile white rooms, memory flash cards, persistent strangers who would force you to relive your trauma so you could 'work through it'.
Finnick did not like the sound of that one bit. So, he offered an alternative.
Post-traumatic stress mental rehabilitation. The label was a mouthful. Finnick preferred to call it "flower therapy". Twice a week, you and Finnick were authorised to spend two hours above ground where you would sit in a nearby meadow, make daisy chains, and occasionally open up about what happened in the Capitol.
You liked to call it "the power of flowers". Stupid, but saying it always formed a little smile on your face and there was no harm in simple joy considering the cruelties you had endured. Most of the time, you were silent and would lie in Finnick's arms while making flower crowns. He was always patient; he understood you needed time. Day after day, he proved his unconditional love, and you thanked the universe for blessing you with such an incredible man.
"Oh no," you whispered.
"What is it?"
You dangled your broken daisy chain in front of you and Finnick.
"Oh no," he echoed.
Your back rested against his chest and his arms enveloped your body as he held his own effortlessly crafted yellow chain in your lap. Apparently, years of weaving fishing nets creates a master of making daisy chains.
"Here," he said, positioning his own flower crown on your head. "Beautiful."
Smiling, you turned your head to face him. "I'm going to tell everyone I made it."
The flowers sat like a golden halo atop your head, beaming just as bright as the smile Finnick had bloomed at the sight of you. Beauty was everything that you were; not just outwardly, but within the confines of your mind too. Flowers and sunlight were interwoven with your soul, making up the essence of who you wereâloving and warm-hearted. One of the many reasons Finnick had fallen in love with you.
He would forever want to remain in your garden, tending to and protecting every petal that blossomed.
His thumb swiped affectionately across your cheek. "Of course you are, you thief," he murmured, grinning. "You owe me."
Your stomach flooded with butterflies and you leaned in, tenderly kissing him with soft pink lips. Finnick cupped your cheek, stroking the baby hairs of your hairline with his fingers as he smiled against your mouth. Even your lips tasted like sweet nectar to him.
After you pulled away, you settled back into his embrace, sinking into those arms that shielded you from any and all harm.
"Okay, I suppose you're forgiven," Finnick said, the smile present in his voice.
You toyed with his fingers while wearing a glowing smile of your own, his arms lovingly wrapped around your body. Oh, you loved him so endlessly.
As the sun began to lower, a mixture of orange and pink clouds blanketed the sky. The trees surrounding the meadow cast large shadows throughout the area, making it appear much darker than it really was. A subtle shift in the once tranquil atmosphere rippled through the meadow, happiness now becoming a distant and unreachable feeling.
The broken daisy chain crumpled in your hands no longer shined in the sun like a beautiful mess. It instead looked tangled. Chaotic. Darkened by the dimming light and transformed into something sinister that resurfaced haunting memories of the Capitolâtwisted IV tubes filled with unknown substances, chains that removed layers of skin, decaying white roses that covered the floor of your cell.
Heaviness clutched at your heart, suffocating you from within.
Finnick sensed the sudden shift, loosening his hold around you as he whispered, "What's wrong?"
"IâI don't know," you stammered, the air thinning around you.
The wilting daisies started to taint your hands with darkness, creeping slowly up your arms and causing them to tremble. Finnick, who noticed your fixation on the daisy chain, gently took the flowers from your grasp and set them aside.
It was too late; the panic had already set in.
He turned your body to the side in his lap, forcing you to face him. Your eyes flickered with worry. No amount of pain could compare to the heartbreak he felt seeing you like this.
"Hey. Hey, look at me," he urged, his tone soothing. "Breathe with me, alright? In..." He inhaled deeply through his nose. "And out."
But it was no use. Air was caged within your lungs, burning like fiery hot whirlwinds inside your chest. It was all you could do to force rapid shallow breaths out of your mouth.
"No, no!" A tear fell from your eye as you fervently shook your head. "Finn, I caâI can't."
"Yes, you can, baby," he said, pushing aside the hair that obscured your vision. His eyes searched the area, looking for anything that could help distract your frantic mind. That is when he spotted a small flock of birds perched on one of the tree branches, instantly recognising their black feathers and sharp beaks. "Look. See those birds? They're mockingjays."
Finnick pointed up at the tree, gaining your attention which then shifted to the birds that were gawking down at you with curious tilting heads. Mockingjays. Katniss. Rebellion. Hope. You focused all your attention on the little black birds and listened to Finnick's reassuring voice.
"They'll repeat any tune you make," he continued, his hand rubbing soothing circles on your back. "Can you do that for me? Try and whistle something for them?"
Attempting to control your ragged breathing, you jerkily nodded. Songs from the world before the war overtook your mind. At first, it was overwhelming as your mind scrambled for a suitable melody, fuelling your panicked state. But then you heard something familiar and focused on the familiar tune, one that was from your childhood.
Hush-a-bye, don't you cry,
Go to sleep, my little baby,
When you wake you shall have,
All the pretty little horses.
It was a lullaby your mother sang whenever you were upset. Seemed fitting considering the situation. You managed to whistle the first few notes, albeit a little wobbly of course, hardly noticing the air that was starting to flow more freely into your lungs.
"That's it, sweet girl."
Once the mockingjays began echoing the song throughout the forestâfar more beautifully than your broken whistlesâyou continued the melody until the end. When you finished, the birds continued to repeat the tune, singing your mother's lullaby over and over in the trees of District Thirteen.
Whilst sat cradled in Finnick's embrace, you quietly hummed along as he stroked soft patterns on your arm. Darkness and pain were long forgotten now. Your body no longer trembled with fear nor did your breathing. Memories of the Capitol's brutality were locked away and hidden in the back of your mind, diligently guarded by the man whose arms you lay in.
Golden beams filtered through the tree trunks; the sun was now lowered enough to let the warm light in, illuminating both you and Finnick. He pressed a gentle kiss to your temple, wrapping you up even tighter in his arms now that he was certain the worst had passed.
You clutched onto his arm and blew out a final stabilising breath, finding comfort in the strength and protection he held. The side of your head rested against his chest, the beats of his heart harmonising like a drum with the mockingjays' song.
You wanted to apologise but knew his response would be dismissive. You wanted to tell him how deeply you loved and appreciated him but knew your words would fail you.
So, you remained silent.
"You're safe," Finnick whispered into your hair. "Right here, right now. I promise."
Right here, right now, you repeated in your mind. In Finnick's arms, you were safe. You were loved.
tags: @tayrae515
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broken, pt. 2 (3tan) (m) | myg
title: broken (pt. 2)
pairing: 3tan!yoongi x reader(f)
series:masterlist | three tangerines | fireworks | house party | basketball | stay | sidewalk talk | friends | dalo | like that | anytime | sundress season | yoongiâs interlude | forfeit | flutter | video call | busted | broken (pt. 1)
rating/genre: m (18+) ; angst , fluff , smut ; brotherâs best friend au, implied age gap au
summary: the championship game lights up... and everything goes down.
note: not too much to say other than thank you. this part is definitely another very, very close one to my heart. please buckle up and enjoy the ride.
warnings: [spice warnings under the cut] language, angst, tension, alcohol mention & consumption, fights, basketball!yoongiđ§ââïž, cocky!yoongi, jiminđł, tense situations, did i say angst?, long hair yoongi, crying, brođ, reader is a real one i donât make the rules, arguments, the chains stay on(???), âŠbad boy yoongiđđ, saying softhours puts some of this lightly, brođ„Č, blood/wound mentions, hurt/comfort, thereâs just a lot in here yâall idek, taehyung being the best ever, âŠangst.
drop date: february 9th, 2024, 10:37pm est
word count: 17.7k my god
smut warnings: cursing, choking, light slapping, breast play, angry s*x a ha ha, crying, multiple explicit scenes y'all istg don't perceive me lol, c*nt slapping, penetrative s*x, brat!reader, protected s*x, edging, consent king ofc :), rough s*x, b*cksh*ts and a lot of them, ...unprotected s*x (yeah it's here and y'all better be responsible or so help me!!!), f*ngering, or*l (m/f rec), brat tamer!3tan yoongi!!!, reader loses themselves for a sec, but yoongi is a king, pain k*nk whewwww, kissing, so much kissing lmfao, c*m play, slight bond*ge (yoongi hands), spanking, aftercare ofc :'))
-
-
Thereâs no way.
How the fuck is he here? When did that horrible excuse of a guy even join a team? Had he been playing intramurals this whole time?Â
âNo fuckinâ way.â
Your eyes find your brother standing rigid at your side, wrists tensed to hell and shoulders spiked. Did he not know he was playing, either? Judging by his smoldering question, youâre going to guess he wasnât aware.Â
âWere they always on this team?âÂ
âNo.â
âI donât remember them being on any teams.â
They? Them? So they recognize more from the court on that day you try to not think about. Shifting your vision, you start gauge reactions under sounds of the growing crowd.Â
Itâs Yoongi that looks at you first, eyes lowering to the hand you still have on your arm damn it you should be okay about that night already. But you canât seem to let your limb go, your fingers covering it in a weak attempt at protection and resilience.Â
The blaze in his eyes makes you shake. Even as you swallow your pleas for everyone to just go home, he doesnât look away. Instead, he walks over to stand in front of your knees, motioning for you to scoot over one so he can take the end seat.
Normally, you would slightly question why he wouldnât just sit next to you. But this time, youâre hyper aware of what heâs doingâand why. Itâs so obvious that you wanna reach out and grip his sweaty hand.Â
Yoongi absolutely sat there to shield you.
And your heart burns and burns.
If only he could do more, be more, show more. Because with a rattled ego and tainted mind, youâre already yearning for his touch, wanting him to whisk you out of here and bring you back to the comfort of his homeâjust like he did that night.Â
God, he makes you dizzy doing absolutely nothing.Â
âWhatâs the plan,â he asks, eyes on the court and palms between his knees.
âDunno yet.â Your brother shakes his head before looking back, eyes narrowing at the laughs on the other bench. âBut I might get my ass thrown out if weââ
âPlay.âÂ
Immediately, all three of them snap their heads your way. Fuck, your arm is stillâŠÂ
One person cannot have this hold on you. Thereâs no way youâre going to let him control your every waking moment, and your determination bubbles into your commands. âPlay the game and beat his ass,â you seethe, holding yourself together and aiming daggers everywhere. âJust make it quick.âÂ
Yoongi gives you a look before Jimin snags him with an eyebrow raise.Â
âAnd youâre paying me double.âÂ
Looking at the man beside you, itâs almost comforting seeing his attention fully on your face. If it werenât for your ghost on the other side of the scoring table and your brother standing there, you wouldnât hesitate to kiss him.Â
But you only nod, getting a huff and a lopsided curve in response before you watch him lock eyes with your brother, âWhat do you wanna do?âÂ
After a long, resigned sigh, your sibling finally relents, âFuck this shit up.âÂ
Good. Yes. This is what you wantâfor you and them. âExactly.âÂ
Scanning around the tight circle, you notice that you have everyoneâs attention.Â
But one person seems to send a question without any words at all. In kind, you answer the same way, wings battering your stomach when all of them send thunder to the court with lightning in their eyes.
Yoongi scoffs through a slant, carrying the air of someone you never want to mess with in your fucking life. âThe fuckinâ nerve.âÂ
Jimin hums, sliding a finger along his flexed to hell jaw. âBold,â he adds. And his voice drop sends shivers when he turns to you,
âDonât worry, love.âÂ
You stare.
âThis will be over soon.âÂ
-
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The game is⊠just a game. For now.
No oneâs taunted hard other than a few smirks and winks, and right now it seems as if both teams are just being competitive more than antagonistic. Which relaxes you to the point where youâre cheering from the bench with the other playersâand their coach that arrived lateâjumping and yelling and clapping when things go in their favor.
Your brotherâs slamming down dunks. Jiminâs been playing amazing defense with his quick reflexes and high stamina.
And Yoongi? Has gotten sickeningly sharp. All those late nights at the rec center are paying off in this championship and, when he scores a hard shot, the pride you feel launches you to your feet.Â
âNice job, bââ Oh fuck you almost shout something that should never be public knowledge. Holding your tongue, you quickly switch it up with a hasty, âLetâs go!âÂ
That was close. Way too close.Â
Get it together.Â
But you cannot help it right now. Seeing Yoongi facing off against the man you both wanna square up against? And making it look easy? The fluttering you feel in your belly grows double. Triple. Tenfold. His gestures, the way he acts like itâs nothing, his shrugs at their failed attempts to stop himâeverythingâs making you scratch proverbial walls and kick bench chairs.Â
And itâs not just himâthe whole team has been playing excellently. Each play seems intentional; every pass and movement is strategic. If you didnât know this was a casual rec game, you would think theyâre gunning for a real, prestigious trophy.Â
However.Â
When itâs starting to be very clear who the better squad is, thatâs when things start getting more than tense.Â
On a foul call, both sides start getting in each othersâ faces. And you peg that as normal until someone on your team gets shoved and your brother immediately gets between the action.Â
Both you and the coach shoot up from your seats.Â
Shit, shit, shit. If thereâs one thing your older siblingâs gonna do in this game, itâll be finding any excuse to deck that man in the face. And once that happens, thereâs no telling how many injuries are gonna walk off polished floors.
Thankfully, everyone separates without a ruckus, and timeout is called on your side. The crowd starts to yell in favor of either team, and thatâs when you notice that Taehyung has been joined by Shiv and your friends. From the looks of things, all five of them are laser focused on you.Â
You hold a quick thumbs-up before youâre covered by hot and sweaty men huddling around the bench. And you immediately agree with their coach when he barks,Â
âI need you all to calm down.âÂ
âNo can do, coach.âÂ
âNot if they arenât.âÂ
Shit. All of them look fucking livid, not giving any shits whatsoever if theyâre willing to talk back to their leader. Whatâs really been happening on the court? Has it been even more tense than you perceived?Â
Oblivious to the context behind this matchup, their coach keeps yelling, âLook, I donât give a shit if you have something to settle. Play the game and leave it on the floor. Understood?â When thereâs charged silence, he yells it even louder.Â
And a smattering of agreement comes out before all of you hear an even bigger yelling session booming from the other bench. When you look over, itâs quickly noticeable that theyâre getting reamed over there, too.Â
Jimin watches before speaking, and it seems like your coachâs pleas fell on deaf ears, âFifteen went for my legs.âÂ
âSaw that. Letâs switch cus he canât guard me.âÂ
âK.â Park swivels his head to address someone else. âYou good to keep playing?âÂ
Your brother responds with a nod, wiping his never-ending sweat. âYeah, Iâm good.âÂ
Huh. Even though you know heâs mad, the man seems⊠Calm. Eerily calm. Itâs reminding you of the way he acted after you came home from Yoongiâs.Â
And you donât like it one bit.Â
But the timeout is over, and both teams eye each other on their walk back onto the court. As it continues, the gym erupts into life again, with a bit of back and forth shots racking the scoreboard up.Â
And Yoongi keeps scoring. And scoring. And scoring.Â
Which lands him in a bit of trouble when the same idiot from Dalo pushes him during a layup. After he manages to make the shot, Yoongi immediately flicks him offâwhich gets a whistle blown. Which also means he has to sit on the bench for a second because his coach is pissed.Â
Ignoring the scathing remarks being thrown, he dumps himself next to you. And you immediately feel the heat roll off of him in waves, trying hard to focus on the game. âDonât be stupid,â you jut out.Â
âWhat?âÂ
âDonât be stupid. These guys arenât worth it.âÂ
âAfter what he did to you?âÂ
The way those words leave his mouth ice you over, flares spiraling through every fiber of your being. Your reaction is so visceral that you can barely get your response out, âYeah, butâŠâÂ
Leaning on his knees, Yoongi wipes his forehead with a crinkled to hell jersey, excess sweat pinging onto his sneakers. The crowd is loud and the buzzers even louder, but they arenât enough to drown out his bite,
âI canât let that shit go.âÂ
âYoongi.âÂ
âSorry, doll.âÂ
âPlease justââÂ
Yoongi leaves the bench before you can finish, and you whip your head in a rush, hands jutting out in a desperate attempt to hold him back.Â
Only for him to be just out of reach.Â
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After halftime, itâs a whole different game.Â
From an outside perspective, itâs as if everyone was using the first half to sniff each other out, circling around each other before deciding how and when to go in for the kill.Â
And Yoongi isnât the only one that youâre starting to worry about. Jimin, your brother, and even Rohan and the other guys are on edge, playing hard and doing everything they can to keep their scoring lead.Â
Both you and their coach know you canât stop whateverâs going on out there. And youâre starting to feel yourself getting angry at how your brother and them are egging the guys on.Â
Why are they taunting? What the hell is making them so bent on making the other team pissed? Yes, all that went down with you, but nothing else had happened since then. And they clearly arenât listening to anyone telling them to calm down.
If they end up starting shit you are going toâthe fuck!Â
Yoongi gets straight shoved again as he goes for a layup, and you shoot up in your chair as he hits the back wall with a thud. While the players at your side are yelling and everyone on the court starts grouping in shouts, you stay rigid, solely watching Yoongi eye his attackerâthe same idiot from Dalo.
Fuck everything, you wanna rush into the fray and throw hands yourself because that looked painful.
The only thing thatâs stopping you is the chilling fact that Yoongi is⊠Grinning.Â
Wiping his curved lips, he waits while the refs break up the squabble, still looking triumphant as he walks to the line to shoot his free throws. When both of them are made, he stares directly at your assaulterâas you finally call it like it isâand doesnât stop even when the coward looks away.
A whistle blows, and the game continues to be close. Too close, too close, too close. A couple more timeouts let you see just how laser-focused everyone is, and youâre a little shaken when it feels like they forgot you were even occupying their bench.Â
What the hell is being said on the court? Even Jimin is brimming with anger.Â
But after a few back and forths, Yoongi passes to your brother for a hard dunk, basket ringing from his throwdown and shaking when he lands.Â
Thank god. Those points are enough. Theyâre gonna win.Â
All the pent up anxiety youâve harbored all game releases as everyone starts cheering, and your pride soars as your boys stare down their opponents while the clock winds down.
Itâs over. The game is over, nothing too serious happened, and you can all go the fuck home to eat dinner and celebrate.Â
Your eyes catch Yoongi throwing a rudely lopsided curve across the court. Even when Jimin comes up to push him back in excitement, his expression doesnât change.Â
And you find that wildly, unfathomably attractive.Â
Then, as it goes, your brother comes up and they all share quick daps, eyes ablaze and not letting the losers out of their sight.Â
Well. All of them are infamous for a reason. You would guess their energy altogether certainly contributes to that. Because the aura you feel oozing from them fills the gymnasium all the way up to your knees.Â
And the sigh you let out mingles with their coachâs shake of his head.
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Things are still tense as they all shake handsâor at least offer hands to shakeâwith the other team. The atmosphere is even a little iced when they receive their trophy.Â
But the way youâre currently being surrounded as your guys converse hides you from plain sight, so you feel heavily protected. Even Jimin, whoâs usually cheerful even when exhausted, wields sharp eyes as he keeps glancing over his shoulder.Â
Honestly? You wouldnât know what to do without them. Both your brother and all his friends, good pasts or not, are great people. They didnât need to shield you like this. But theyâre doing it anyway, because they wonât give that lowlife another reason or chance to approach you.Â
Yeah. Your older sibling knows how to choose his circle.
Itâs making you wonder ifâŠÂ
Nah.Â
Thatâs still too big a reach.Â
When it seems like all of them and their cheering squad are gone, everyone starts making their way over to the bleachersâand youâre acutely reminded of what went down under similar looking ones the other night.Â
Your shivers are overshadowed by Yuriâs telltale screams to Rohan, âYou were so good, baby! Are you okay?â
Reia and Dom shake their heads before focusing on you, the latter being the spokeswoman, âSo what was all that for?â
âDonât ask,â you sigh, knowing exactly what sheâs referring to. âIâm just glad they won and that we can go home.â
âYouâre not coming to Yuriâs?â Reia asks. âI thought we planned on that, no?â
Ah, shit. Earlier this week, you did make plans with them without really thinking about what day they were gonna fall on. But now youâre so mentally drained that you kinda just wanna goâ
âIs anyone else starving? Iâm hungry as fuck!âÂ
Right. Food. Adrenaline made you forget you were starving. Glancing towards your brother, you quickly remind him, âYeah, me. And youâre paying.â
âAh, shit, thatâs right.â As he lets out a hard groan and deals with Jimin and Yoongiâs comments, your sibling relents, âAlright, where are we going.â
âUp to you,â you shrug, stealing a little look at the man you want to kiss like hell for his performance tonight.Â
God, Yoongiâs so handsome. As Jimin leaves his side, he silently wipes his forehead of any excess sweat, hands and shoulders shining in the lights wait wait wait. Hold on.Â
Walking over, you toss any care about who notices you out the window. And as he eyes your approach, you murmur with care and concern, âIs your back okay?âÂ
Blinking once, twice, the man nods. âYeah, itâs all good.â
âYou sure? That lookedâŠâ
Of course he decides that now is the perfect time to rake his sweaty locks back. Speaking so low that only you can hear, Yoongi reassures with a fist full of hair, âIâm fine, doll.âÂ
Motherfucker.Â
Pinning down your urge to reach out and smother him, you only breathe relief. And before you move away to put some distance between, you whisper, âThank you.â
Yoongi looks your way again. âFor what?âÂ
Swallowing whatâs left of your anxiety, you sigh. âFor not getting into it out there. I was about to get mad as hell, but.. Looks like they were all talk.âÂ
âMm.â
Honestly? Itâs a miracle. The gameâs over without any hitches or brawls? More relief starts blossoming in your chest, prompting a smile to grace your features. âYou looked so good out there, by the way. I almost called you baââ
âWhat are yâall talking about over there!â
Your mouth snaps shut as soon as you see your brother watching, but Yoongi is quick to fire off an insult, âThe way you always take so long to pick something.â
âI picked already!â
âThen letâs go then.â
Laughing, you join the whole crew as youâre all the last ones to walk out. Your friends and Shiv parked in another lot since one side was already full, so you tell them youâll meet at the restaurant.
Some other teammates decide to join, with jerseys being shucked off as everyone heads out the door. Immediately, body odor swoops into your nose, making you welcome the crisp, fresh air of night.Â
Scratch that. You smell oncoming rain.Â
Conversations cease, which only leaves the sound confirming your observation: booming, rolling thunder. Stopping at the edge of the gymâs awning, multiple heads turn up at the rumbles, watching lightning crack the sky.Â
In front of you, Jimin shifts his head to the side. âStill?âÂ
And when you look at who heâs asking, you see Yoongi nod.Â
Weird.Â
But itâs not raining just yet, so all of you make your way into the lot and to your cars. As you do, you check your phone while making your way over, aiming a question at Tae, âYou know where weâre going?âÂ
âYeah, itâs not far,â he responds, fishing out his own device. âI think weâve been there before.âÂ
We? Looks like things are progressing nicely over there. Since youâre lingering behind the guys, you start to take a small jab, âWe, huh? Cute.âÂ
Lips spread as tight as his eyes, Taehyung parries. âCute? Look whoâs talking, miss whipped.âÂ
âYouâre whipped.âÂ
âNo, you.âÂ
âNo, you,â you giggle out, reaching out to tickle Taeâs side and laughing as he flinches away. You chase him for a few seconds before you see his whole body freeze completely, asking a small question before going quiet. Â
And when you slowly follow his line of vision, your heart freefalls to your gut, smashing it so hard you feel bile sting the back of your throat.Â
The man from Dalo. And all the guys from the court plus some.Â
Surround both Jiminâs and your brotherâs cars.
Fuck. Oh, fuck, thereâs so many of them, standing and waiting and unflinching in the bursts of thunder inching closer and closer what the fuck are you gonna doâÂ
âTaehyung.â
Your eyes shake.Â
âGet her out of here. Now.â
And youâve never screamed so loud.Â
Every word rips out of your mouth before youâre promptly shushed by large fingers, icicles pinging around your heart and holding it down, âDonât fucking do thiâ!âÂ
To your horror, Taeâs already hauling you back, voice low and firm in your ear, âCome on.âÂ
âNo! What the fuckââÂ
âWeâre leaving.â
âPleaseâ!â
There are so many of them. So, so many of them. Panic drowns out your words and excess leaks out of your eyes, your own storm preventing you from seeing that your best friend is just as torn apart.Â
âBabe, we have to go now.âÂ
âNo, let me go!âÂ
Theyâre outnumbered. What if they have weapons? What if the police are called? What if something happens that you arenât prepared for?
Youâre screaming. Curses, their names, or whatever whatever you donât even know what the fuck youâre saying because your toes are kissing the edge of madness.Â
Dragged a good distance away, your yells devolve into incoherency, your nose and eye sockets smashing into Taehyungâs solid forearm so hard it hurts.Â
Make it out, make it out, make it out. For the love of everything in the fucking universe and beyond it, make it out alive.Â
Some movements and backs straightening are the last things you see before getting pulled around the corner.
And when Yoongi calmly rolls one of his shoulders, you feel a wick of your soul burn out.
Panic. Worry. Panic and more panic. The car ride that Tae paid for is the blurriest muddy water youâve ever waded through.
Truthfully, you donât even remember blankets being pulled over your shoulder. Where even are you? Oh, youâre in a bed. Whose bed are you in because this isnât yours. But what does it matter anyway what does anything matter anyway nothing matters thereâs nothing you can do you gotta get up and go back over there get up get up goâ
As soon as you yank his bedroom door open, Taehyung is there, holding you back and pushing your frantic energy back inside. âTae, if you donât let meââ
âDo what!â
âIâm going back!â Wrestling out of his strong hold, you bolt down his hallway, head clanging as your shoulder bumps into a wall. âWe need to go backââ
âStop!â You hear running as you burst through the living room, whizzing past the glowing television. âWe have to stay hereââ
No no no. Thereâs no way youâre staying here when you need to be back at that lot. Who the fuck would call for help if anyone needs it? When theyâre gonna need it? Your vision proves so blurry you canât even find your shoesâ
Arms wrap around your waist and you fight back with a scream, âLet me go!â
âStop and just think for a secondââ
âWhy arenât you with me on this, theyâreââ
âDumb as fuck!âÂ
Your friendâs quick comment is so sharp it cuts your breath. As you still in his firm but comforting hold, you finally stop to breathe. Breathe, breathe, breathe as youâre turned to level a look with his eyes.
Eyes that are red-rimmed and so, so raw. âTheyâre idiots,â Taehyung grits out. âBut they will be alright.âÂ
From the shake of his voice, you find that neither of you think that for sure.Â
âI need to.. ToâŠâ Your breaths are ragged, energy spent and head dizzy from your quick exit from his bed. As you come down from your volcanic high, every weight the world places on your back proves too much.Â
âYou need to relax,â Tae advises, guiding you further back inside. And you donât speak as he leads you past the couch, past the pictures on his hallway wall, and into the dark of his bedroom.
Maybe itâs over. Right? Maybe someone will answer if you ring them up. âCall. I need to callâŠâÂ
âShh,â he soothes again, walking you backwards away from his door. When the bends of your knees hit his bed, Taehyung lets you down slowly until youâre sitting. âIâll do it.âÂ
Brain fried from hyperactivity, you can only nod.Â
Your friend steps away to fiddle with his phone, the light illuminating his beautiful features in the night. When he holds it to his ear, this is when you hear rain and the television in the living room, noticing that itâs playing a movie he watches for comfort.Â
Shit. Heâs going through it just like you are, and yet heâs still finding energy to calm your nerves? What have you even done to deserve him?
Guess you know how to choose your circle, too.Â
Going unanswered, Taehyung lowers his hand, thumb rubbing the homescreen before gripping the device hard.Â
Both of you are in the same boat. So steer when he canât do it anymore. Soft but assertive, you rise to your feet, offering your embrace while calling his name, â..Tae.â
When he turns, the man wastes no time in dropping his phone to bring you in close. âItâll be okay,â he murmurs, and you hear his words on your head but feel the trembles in his chest. âOkay?â
Feeble fingers grab at his soft shirt, and you bury into his scent while soaked and tired eyes shut.Â
You want to believe him. You do. You do.Â
But hope may be a bitch.Â
So you donât.Â
-
-
Forever passes while you both lie still in his bed, with Taehyung holding you close and keeping you subdued with notes of honey and wood. You both try to have conversation, but itâs disjointed and manufactured, so giving up is a group effort.Â
Youâre about to give up on a lot of things before you both jolt at Taeâs phone vibrating.Â
The world shifts quick as you both sit up, the call immediately being accepted and a low greeting whooshing at your side, âHey.â
With bated breath, you hear Jimin on the line. âHey.âÂ
âYou okay?â
âYeah, weâre all alright, butâŠâ
We. We, we, we, all of them thank the fucking world. As your breath is held, Taehyungâs voice is solid, âSay it.â
âMy eye is pretty fucked. Yoongiâs face is cut up and heâs got some nasty bruises on hisââÂ
You donât even remember yanking the phone to your mouth. âWhere is he.â
Jimin audibly pauses on the line before having the audacity to chuckle. Irked and feeling ire bubble back to the surface, you seethe, âThis isnât funny, Park. Where the fuck is he?âÂ
âWith us.â Us. Shit. âIn the car.âÂ
Oh.Â
âYour brotherâs here, too.âÂ
âAh.â That means theyâre all there. Theyâre all heading home. âAm I on speaker.âÂ
âUmm.. Yeah.âÂ
As much as youâre relieved theyâre all okay, stockpiled anxiety transforms into anger, your limit striking the thundering sky. âActually, you know what? Good. Now I can say youâre all idiots and immature as fuck.âÂ
Itâs your sibling that responds first. âHey, wait a damn minuteââÂ
âI waited long enough!â you scream, ignoring Taehyungâs wide eyes.Â
You know you need to relax. But you canât help whatâs happening right now and all you feel is pain. âI know this shit isnât new to yâall, but really? You didnât need to do this.âÂ
âHe was gonnaââ
âAll you had to do was play the game! Whyâd you have to make them mad? Do you even know what couldâve happened back there?â Damn it, you werenât supposed to cry during this part, not when you just want them to know they fucked up.Â
And the response is dead silence. Because of course it is. But if they wonât answer you here, theyâre gonna answer another, âJust tell me one thing,â you plead. âIs this gonna happen again?âÂ
That one your brother answers with finality. âThey wonât be coming around anymore.âÂ
Gulping, you give Taehyung a glossy-eyed look before staring at his lit screen again. Trying not to let your voice waver, you accept his response, âOkay⊠Are you okay?âÂ
âMe? Yeah, the hits I took were weak as fuck. Iâll get home soon so if you wanna order in tonight we can.âÂ
âFuck that.âÂ
âHuh?âÂ
What an idiot. âBro, you donât even know how fucking mad I am,â you accuse through gritted teeth. Thereâs no way in hell you wanna deal with their bullshit. Ignoring your pleas and staring harm in the face? Forget it. âIâm going to Yuriâs.âÂ
âWhat? Nah, come home tonight and weâll talk.âÂ
âI justâNo.â Taehyung has to grip your shoulder before pulling you into a hug. And youâre still steel in his arms because you havenât been this upset in ages. âIâm not talking to any of you for awhile.âÂ
And you mean that.Â
ââŠFine. But go asap then. I donât want you out late on your own.âÂ
So you gotta listen to what he wants but when it comes to what you say, itâs crickets? Goddamn, youâre furious. ââŠOf course you donât.â
And you hang up before anyone can say anything else.Â
-
-
You open the front door to your brother leaning against the hallway wall.
Both of you eye each other, one of you with a perfectly fine face and the other that isnât so lucky because heâs a fool.
And no words are exchanged as you trudge your frustration to the kitchen.Â
-
-
Ice. Bandages. Dinner. Anger propels you through it all.
Whipping up a quick but hearty meal, you let your brother patch himself up after demanding he showered. The smells of comfort food waft through your nose as things sizzle on the stove and, through the whole process, you donât think about anything except how upset you are.
Theyâre all okay. But like Taehyung so abruptly put it, theyâre all stupid.Â
As you turn off your burner, you transfer everything to a bowl, sighing so loud it seasons the top with fire. When you approach the bar, your actions speak pretty damn loudâthe dish clank shoving out a question from your sibling,
âIs there something you wanna say to me?âÂ
âThereâs a bunch of shit I wanna say to you.âÂ
âItâs about Yoongi,â he asks, the absence of hesitation making your insides squeeze. âIsnât it.âÂ
But luckily for you, your rage is so potent that it overruns your fear. As soon as your brother stands up and starts to repeat his question, your correction clangs through the room,Â
âItâs about all of you! You say you wanna be there for me but what the fuck will doing this shit do?âÂ
Freezing, the man waits in shock as you keep going, âYes, that guy deserves hell. I was so scared when he grabbed me at the club.â You stop to swallow. âBut I had them both there and we left.â
Fuck, this is hard. Having to relive that shit is difficult but you need your brotherâand all of them, for that matterâto know how hurt you feel right now. Mustering up enough bravery to get to the goddamn point, you finally squeak out,Â
âIf I lose them? Lose you? Because of something as stupid as a fight?â Your eyes search his, and your heart cracks when you see glassy sheen amongst his bruises. âWhat would I do then?âÂ
You expect silence. And silence is what you get. Itâs drawn out, loud, and telling. âWe know.âÂ
âDo you?â
âYes,â he whispers, eyes lifting to meet yours with sincerity. âAnd weâre sorry.â
Another moment passes between the two of you, the food you made left uneaten on the counter and the rest sitting still on the stove. But you know your sibling will eat it all tonight, whether youâre there or not.Â
And you step forward at the same time he holds his battered arms out.Â
Freshly showered, he still smells like rain and exertion. But his heart beats under your chest, heâs present, and back homeâthings you need to stop taking for granted.Â
But youâre still mad. And getting things off your chest has only made you tired, so you decide that itâs finally time to go before you circle back to other scary territory brought up tonight. âIâm leaving now,â you announce as you step away. âBut just think about that.âÂ
âI will.â
âIâm serious.âÂ
âI will.â
Staring, you take note of his cuts and injuries, wondering how the others are faring even though you donât wanna deal with anything else. Because it hurts too much, and if you see who youâre thinking about, thereâs no telling what youâd do if you were like this with your brother. Thereâs no telling how youâdâŠ
No. You choose to go the easy route this time. Everyone can simmer in their sore, swelling consequences while you have a night of de-stressing with your friends.Â
So you leave to go pack without another word.Â
Itâs raining.Â
Hard.
And even though your car is heading to Yuriâs, your heart is beating backwards. Tugging you somewhere else and not letting up.Â
With a ping of chill, you canât shake it. Braking at a stop sign close to your destination, you sit in silence, letting the rain pelt every side of your vehicle and wondering what the hell to do.Â
Truthfully? Your brother looked like shit. But your body isnât telling you to go back to the house, which can only mean one other place. And you know for a fact you donât wanna talk to him, either.Â
So fucking upsetting. They did all that for what? You can barely keep your thoughts in a row because they keep yelling at jostling each other just like everybody did on the court. If anyone had to fight the dipshit, it should've been you.Â
Fuck! Your head connects with the wheel, an inner monster rumbling with the thunder because youâre so fed up with everything that happened.Â
Your brain is the one yelling. But your heart is begging for it to listen. Go to Yuriâs? Go to Yoongiâs. Find shelter in that warm bed of hers and sink in her plushies to comfort you?Â
A sigh. Maybe you can at least call him to tell him off one more time. He needs to hear what you told your brother because if you ever, ever lose himâ
Your eyes burn.Â
Yoongi: Outgoing Call
No answer.
Yoongi: Outgoing Call
Pick up. What the fuck.
Yoongi: Outgoing Call
âŠTurn the fuck around shit, shit, shit.
Curses flying, you whip your vehicle in a flash, heart pounding so loud itâs blocking out the storm. Which is morbidly impressive considering how horridly itâs pouring.Â
Thinking in leaps, you pivot and make another decision. Tell her and make it all quick.Â
Yuri: Outgoing Call
âHello?â
âHey, Iâm not coming.â
âYou okay?â
âIâm going to Yoongiâs.â
âYoongiâs? Why?â
Ah, shit. Oh, fuck. She doesnât know.Â
Banging the steering wheel, you smash your teeth, stressed as hell from braving the rain in the dark and now snitching on yourself to someone else.Â
Damn it. What do you say? What can you possibly even say when youâre so mad and stressed and conflicted and worriedâ
âHello?â
âBecause heâs the one,â you whoosh out, your vision quivering twice as much as it should. âAnd things went down after the game and now something feels wrong.â
âOh, shit. Is that why yâall didnât come toââ
âYes.â When you say all this out loud, now it has weight. Horrifying weight on your chest and a block pushing down on the gas. You hear a bit of shuffling on the line, and youâre starting to get so anxious that you blurt, âPlease donât say anything. Please.â
âI wonât. Not about this.â
âThank you.â
âHang up, babe. Make it safe.â
âOkay.â
Go, go, go. Please, just get there.Â
Letting up, you change your speed, hoping to everything good in the world that this feeling you have is only a feeling and nothing more.Â
Yoongi: Outgoing Call
What a strange emotion, wanting his reason for not picking up solely being because he doesnât wanna talk to you. That is an answer you can deal with.Â
But you still canât fight off the jagged pulses telling you itâs something else.Â
After an agonizing drive, you finally see his complex, tensing harder the further and further away you have to park.Â
Whipping into a spot, you screech into it before hauling your bag out, popping the trunk and desperately grabbing a plastic box you always keep inside.Â
And the mad dash drenches you long before you seek cover, your bones shivering shivering shivering from the chill.
Yoongi has to be home. His car is here.Â
But he still wonât pick up the fucking phone.
Skidding at his door, your knocks are rapid, knuckles singed from the ice cold wraps.
Answer, answer, answer. For fuckâs sake, he better answer.Â
After a haunting moment of silence, you decide to call one more time, head wet and bones shivering as you press the phone to your damp ear.Â
Finally. âHello.âÂ
âOpen the door,â you jump into commanding, hearing nothing other than a voice that sounds so crushed and low that it crumples you inside.Â
âYouâre here?âÂ
âYeah, let me in.â Fuck, your teeth are clattering against each other, whether itâs from the rain, the cold, or anger, you canât tell.Â
But the reply you get is the coldest thing imaginable. And it sets your whole body aflame.Â
âNot tonight.â
Hell no. Hell fucking no Yoongi is not going to get rid of you that easily. Not when you have a boatload of things to say and only one dock to dump them all on, âYoongi, I swear to godââÂ
âNot tonightââ
ââyou donât let me in Iâmââ
âGo homeââ
âIâm fucking staying out here until you open the goddamn door!â
Oh, youâre pissed. Youâre so fucking pissed because this all couldâve been avoided if none of them were stupid. Or prideful. Or whatever the fuck boys decide to be when they canât let something go.Â
And this man still has the audacity to give you the stiff arm, silence on the line before he rasps out another short, âIâm serious.â
âNo.â
âGo home.âÂ
âNo!âÂ
He says your name. So, so softly, before a gut-wrenching,Â
âPlease.â
Breath shaken, you rest your forehead against chilly wood, hoping it quells the fire you feel rising from your rib cage.Â
You canât give up. Not when you have so much to say. Not when you have to check on him and make sure heâs fine.Â
Not when you give into the strongest premonition that you need to be nowhere else but with him tonight.Â
You will stay. Stay, stay, stay. Even if he doesnât want to see you.Â
Voice trembling in rage and concern and everything in between, you feel your eyes sear through when they close, mission boiling down to one more desperate choice,Â
ââŠNo.âÂ
Youâre cold. And wet. But you will stand out here for as long as it takes him to let you insideâa night, a day, no matter what.
And for a moment. Or a few. You think heâs dead set on making you prove that.Â
But you finally, finally, finally hear a sigh before a lock turn, and you try to prepare yourself for what you see but he opens the door and his face comes into view holy shit he looks like a wreckâ
âWhat the fuck,â you grit out as you rush in with vision swimming, digging into your bag for the medkit you hastily stashed and swinging off your sandals because you gotta get something in theâ
A hand grips you hard, tugging you back before you even register whatâs happening.
As your feet stumble back onto linoleum, your gaze snaps to the ground.Â
And your breath cuts like itâs your last.Â
Shards.Â
Pieces.
Thousands of wood and glass chips litter the entire open area of the living room.Â
And realizing where they came from strikes like lightning.Â
Fuck. Oh, fuck, what did Yoongi do?
âI told you, doll.â
You choke on a sob.
âGo home.â
Your breaths return before you straighten, tears flowing freely as you donât know whether to start cleaning up the chaos or finally facing the one who caused it.
No, no, no. Get rid of it.Â
Throw it out, all of it, all of it.Â
A new fire roars to life, forging your steeling commitment as you wrestle out of Yoongiâs hold.
What did he do, what did he do?
Revving with smoke out of your ears, you burn a path to the kitchen, grabbing a trash bag before marching into the wreckage. Up go the biggest pieces first, chucked into plastic before the smaller ones follow.
Throw it all. This one, this one, and this one.
Yoongi isnât even wearing shoes. He can cut himself up even more if this all stays where it is.Â
Shit, this is everywhere.Â
When you realize youâre gonna need a broom, you storm back into his laundry closet to yank one out and keep going. When you go to sweep, the sharpest voice cuts through your fingers.
âStop.â
Your grit grips the tool even tighter. Because you wonât. Donât dare look into his expression, either, because you know that one glance will melt every scream on your tongue. So you stay resolute and shoot rejection to the ground, âNo.â
âJust go, please.â
âNo.â
This hurts.Â
This really, really hurts.Â
Yoongi has never, ever said these things to you and it feels like a knife jabbing into the same spot over, and over again. You almost prefer three new months of no contact over whatever the hell this is.
But you have to keep going. Eyes clenching, lips wobbling, you must keep going.Â
Because you came here for a reason other than this mess. And heâs gonna have to do better than this to kick you back out into the rain.Â
âI got it.âÂ
âLet me do it.âÂ
âYour brother needs you.â
âYeah, well, I already tore the fuck into him and Iâm gonna do the same to you.â You harden your fist on the sweeper, tugging it more towards your shoulder with finality. And you gather all the energy you need to leave no more room for arguments, because Yoongi is going to listen, âSo sit down.â
It hurts.
He wants to say shit. You know he wants to.
But he only breathes hard with eyes closed, following your orders and carrying his dark clouds to the dining room.Â
When he finally leaves you alone, this is when you look his way.Â
In sweats and a shirt, he appears fine. But with a deep pang, you notice heâs slightly limping. Judging from those knuckles, you wonder if theyâre red from the fight or from hitting another wall of his apartment.Â
Or from whatever the fuck happened around your feet.
Shit.
While he dumps himself at his table, you clean up the pieces of his rampage, mentally noting that one plan of yours has now changed.Â
This one. These, too. A string here. A metal piece there.
You donât know how long it takes you. All you know is that youâre burning inside, determined to clean everything and sweep this chaotic energy away.Â
One more. Two more. Another one here.
As soon as youâre done, you lug the trash bag out of the front door and donât give a shit what happens to it now.
Keep going. Thereâs more that you need to take care of.
The fuel inside of you rages on, anger conflicting with anxiety and past worries and sadness for something that didnât even happen. As you spin, you vow yourself to keep pushing until you canât anymore.Â
Sniffling. Shivering. But staying strong because things couldâve gone a lot worse.Â
Yoongi meets you by the table, messy, damp hair shielding his features. âYouâve done enough.âÂ
âI still need toââÂ
âJust.â He looks away. âGo home, doll. I canât do this tonight.âÂ
âDo what? Iâm helping you.âÂ
Thatâs what you do for each other, right? You both help each other. But now youâre not so sure because Yoongi comes back with not an acknowledgement, nor a way of relenting.Â
But ice.Â
âWho said I needed it?âÂ
And in all the time youâve spent with this man, this is the first time youâve felt downright cold. âYoongi, what?â Your eyes travel across his face, chest caving in when thereâs barely any hints of vitality. âAre you serious?âÂ
âYou think Iâm joking?âÂ
âYouâre kicking me out? What happened to saying youâd never do that, huh?âÂ
âI say a lot of things.âÂ
âŠOh.
That hurt. That⊠That physically couldnât have hurt any harder.Â
Nodding, you look away, shaking your head in disbelief because you are on the verge of losing it. âYou know what? You do say a lot of things.â
Walking away, you start rearranging pillows on the couch pushed askew. âLike how perfect I am.â Picking up his books from the now non-existent coffee table. âAnd how thereâs no one else.âÂ
As you give the volumes a new home on his intact tv stand, you turn to face him again. âThose are just words, too, huh?âÂ
Yoongi kicks his head back with a smile, one that cuts instead of mends. âNah⊠Not tonight.âÂ
âNot tonight what.âÂ
âWe arenât doing this tonight.âÂ
âThe fuck we arenât.â Itâs his turn to walk away, with a slow head shake that you really donât like. âWhere are you going?âÂ
âNowhere.â Yoongi shifts his head to the side, but not enough for you to fully see him. Itâs almost as if he doesnât want you to. âBut youâre going home.âÂ
Somethingâs off. Thereâs something completely off but all you feel is sadness and rejection in your ribcage. âSo this is how it happens, huh. Now Iâm just like everyone else.âÂ
He finally faces you, miles away even though youâre just rooms apart. âYouâre gonna go there?âÂ
âI am.âÂ
âWow.âÂ
Thatâs what he comes back with? This is gutting you from the inside out and you have no idea whatâs happening but now rage is flaring into your mouth, âYou think I wanted to come here? After what all of you did?âÂ
âDo you even know?âÂ
âNo! But how the fuck would I? You donât tell me shit!âÂ
âThatâs cusââÂ
Your response sears over his floors, âI can take care of myself. But none of you told me about that dude from the court. None of you.â Breath shaken, you continue dumping out all your thoughts and previous concerns, âIf I had known? That whole Dalo thing couldâve been avoided and I wouldâve ran.âÂ
For a person that youâve come to know as so warm, Yoongiâs entire aura freezes you over as you keep talking. âAnd today? You know how fucking scared I was? If I⊠IâŠâÂ
All he does is stare. Why isnât he doing anything else? Is he really flipping the switch and choosing to legitimately let you leave this time?
Fine then.Â
âYou know what?â Giving up, you laughâharsh, and breathy, and without any joy at all. âForget it. Youâre not even listening anyway.â
âI swear toâI just said not tonight.âÂ
Frustration from the game, fear from the ambush after, anxiety from not hearing from them. All of it coalesces into something you canât even control anymore. Your buffer shuts off, the monster you created seizing the reins, âNo, I get it. I do! You want me gone. Sure. See you in three more months.âÂ
Stunned, Yoongi huffs in disbelief, jaw working overtime. âAre you serious?âÂ
âYes, I am. Trying to help you but it looks like you donât even want that. So good fucking bye.âÂ
And it looks like he has a beast of his own because his next response to your last attempt has you reeling back in shock,Â
âWho asked you?âÂ
Dark liquid drips onto your soul.Â
You can only stare, unblinking and feeling like youâre in an entirely different universe. âWho asked me? Who asked me.âÂ
âThatâs what I said.âÂ
Forget the question of who asked you because⊠Who are you even talking to? Who is this person standing in front of you because itâs not the Yoongi you know. Itâs so jarring and hurtful and strange that you truly feel thrust into the middle of a nightmare.Â
Youâre gonna do it. Youâre actually gonna leave this time.Â
âYou know what? Kiss my ass, Yoongi.âÂ
God, it hurts. It hurts. It hurts.
It hurts.
You donât even know where this is all coming from. All you know is that youâre angry and thereâs no stopping the hot magma bubbling in your center.Â
Silence fills the room.
And it rains. It pours.
But finally, you hold a sob back before burning a shaky path to his door, wrestling with the lock before yanking it openâ
Only to have it shut back in your face, so thrown when you realize youâre getting spun. Air whooshes out of you before your shoulder blades connect with woodâ Â
And this is the goddamn breaking point. The walls you haphazardly built to keep you upright collapse and tumble. Itâs so potent and blinding that you donât even realize your hands are connecting with his chest in the weakest, saddest ways and you are outright screaming.Â
âGod, what the fuck! I told you toâWe didnât hear from you for hours and IâI didnât know if you were okayââÂ
âWhoa, hold uââÂ
âI thought the worst and Iâdidnât even get a chance toâI finally told you want I wanted and youâFuckââÂ
âJust listenââÂ
âDonât ever do that again! I donât wanna lose you and today was so fucking scary and Iâm not, fucking, leavingââÂ
Your lips are smashed to hell, his lips bruising so hard you feel it in the back of your skull. And itâs a whole storm as Yoongi pins you against the door, leg wedging between yours and his hands gripping you like a vice. Itâs intense. Itâs overwhelming.Â
âI swear toââÂ
You donât know what to do. What to do what to do what to do, and all your madness jangles as youâre yanked and slammed against another wall, breath leaping into his open mouth before you tug at his hair, digging anger through his shoulders.Â
âCanât fucking listen, can you?âÂ
âNo,â you rip from your throat, shoving him back only to gravitate right back and lock lips again.Â
And he rips at your clothes, tearing the front of your shirt so far your chest emerges on full display. Before you can even react to the cuts on his face, Yoongiâs hand clenches around your throat, making you gargle just how you fucking want to right now.Â
âShouldnât even fucking be here.âÂ
âWhen has that ever stopped us.â You groan as you get rapidly led back into something hard, and you realize itâs the dining table digging into your ass.Â
âHeâs still home.âÂ
âSo?â
âShouldnât youââ
âThen kick me out!â you taunt. âFor real. Let me go. Fucking do it then.âÂ
Yoongi works his jaw before gripping tighter, making you groan and your gut flare into something primal. Nostrils flaring, he moves to grip your head hard enough to make your stomach flip but not firm enough to scare you.Â
Never to scare you. âYou arenât gonna leave me alone.âÂ
Your eyes are ice.Â
âAre you.âÂ
You solely watch in determination, breath harsh from your nose and billowing out like steam. Drilling your answer into his eyes, you charge the surrounding air enough to spark like the flashing sky outside.Â
And Yoongi cracks like lightning.Â
âGoddamn it.âÂ
Everything happens at once and in quick succession. Teeth grit to hell, Yoongi pulls you upward before fast stepping you to his bedroom, slamming you through the door before you shove him right into his desk.Â
Things teeter and shake and clang with each impact, your storm disrupting everything in its path and creating a tornado of desire and thoughts in your brain.Â
Something swirls and twists between your souls, tightening and condensing into emotions darker than midnight. And as angry as you are, itâs slipping into a dangerous mania, and youâve never been this excited for anything in your life.Â
âStubborn.âÂ
âCoward.âÂ
Your back stings as youâre pushed back into his door, the wood smacking into the spackle of his wall. Rough lips smother yours as you claw at his shoulders, neck, hair, and you hear him growl into your mouth,Â
âWant me to kiss your ass? Suck my dick then weâll talk.âÂ
âFuck you. I give better head than you anyway.âÂ
His words rival the deepest growl, âProve it.âÂ
âMake me.â
Whirlwind. Storm. Tempest. At this point, itâs a whole goddamn high. Your body is thrumming and the only way to feed your anger is to channel it through actions.Â
And truth be told, you need this. You both do. With all the high strung emotions that had nowhere to go until you collided?
This is liberation.Â
Youâre shoved onto your knees before Yoongi dives into his pants, and youâre already hungry and impatient enough to help him shrug his sweats down before he can do it himself.Â
âChoke on it,â he commands, holding his dick and watching as you note how hard he already is. When you waste no time taking him in, you elicit the deepest groan youâve ever pulled from him when you fling spit onto his length.Â
Maybe his reaction is to your face. Because youâre still mad as fuck and you arenât done letting him know that.Â
With a passing thought, you realize that this is all new. But youâre welcoming it because itâs working. Only Yoongi can bring out this passion even in anger, or maybe the two of you were going to get to this point no matter what.Â
âFuck.â He steadies the bottom of your chin while you suck him off. âUh huh. Got anything else to say?âÂ
You flick him off, and he hums with a rumble, his cock reacting and hitting the back of your prideful throat.Â
âFuck you, too, doll.â His talks devolve into hisses, grunts, moans when you slobber all over yourself, and your cunt is already dripping with your own slick. âThere you go. Gonna take it all? Or are you gonna keep running that mouth?âÂ
And you pop off before taunting, âFind out, pussy.âÂ
And youâre swallowing him before he shoves you all the way forward, your body arching up in a gag but filled with him him him, your nose flat against his pelvis and his dick squeezing tears from your eyes and your throat overstuffed to hell and thereâs no way heâs gonna forget this moment. Youâre making damn sure of it.Â
Another middle finger raises as youâre tensing around him, and you can barely hear him above you but you do know heâs massively pleased. Tears stream down your eyes when youâre yanked off, gasping for air and being pulled off the ground.Â
âHoly fuck.âÂ
Throat hoarse, you attempt speech but it doesnât matter anyway, because his lips steal them all. And your cunt is slapped with a whole palm, making you flinch and shoot out a whine into his kiss.Â
Before you know it, your body hits the bed before he joins you, arms bulging as he rips your top open completely. You canât even think straight as he teases your earlier efforts, âIâve had better.âÂ
âOh, you fuckingâShut the fuck up,â you growl, a moan leaving without permission as he palms your cunt again. Just when you think heâs gonna top you, Yoongi hauls you up, hastily leading you around the bed until your back connects with another wall.Â
You love that shit. And youâre starting to think Yoongi is very, very aware of this fact.Â
âTake those fuckinâ pants off,â he orders. âAnd hands on the wall before I put them there.âÂ
âCanât make me do shitââ
Fingers grip your chin before Yoongi gets right into your face, primal instinct making you go on full alert. As his tongue prods his cheek, your whole lower body quivers. âI can. And I will, if you donât behave.â Tapping your jaw in a warning, he hums. âNow do what I fucking say.âÂ
Holy shit, heâs not playing around. Which only heightens your desire to peaks previously unreached, and youâre shucking your bottoms off while he yanks his drawer open for condoms. Hurrying, you fling your clothes away before plantingâ
Yoongi smashes his whole front against your backâpinning your whole body against the cold, rough wallâbefore intertwining long fingers with yours. âGood girl.âÂ
Hitching your hips back, he sticks your ass out as you slip, and you feel his cock tease your entrance. Groaning, you grip your hands into fists as he continues to rub your cunt but never enter. Denying, denying, denying. Smacking your pussy and still not letting you feel him inside.Â
And itâs maddening. âPlease!âÂ
âPlease what,â he asks, giving your ass a spank that has you flinching into the wall.Â
And, without any shred of mercy, this goes on for longer than heâs ever held out. Itâs so sickening that tears start flowing from your eyes, and you devolve into saying anything to get him to fuck your brains out. Between spanks on your ass, slaps on your tits, and aggravating kisses on your back, Yoongi doesnât let you phase him for minutes.Â
Itâs when you choke on a sob that he finally, finally squeezes inside of you, checking for your nod before wrecking you completely.Â
âOh, fuckââ Your eyes shut tight as you try to keep yourself upright, hands pushing against the wall as your legs shift with every thrust.Â
âThis ass. Fuck.â Yoongiâs pace is relentless, hands bruising your hips and your cheeks smacking into his pelvis over and over and over. âItâs a goddamn problem.âÂ
Youâre trying so hard. So, so hard to stay on the wall. But your hands are too sweaty; they're starting to slip with each attempt. âBed,â you command. âBed now.âÂ
And he obliges immediately, pulling out and yanking you back. Mouth to your ear, he both checks in while making your legs jelly, âYou tapping out?âÂ
âBreak my fucking back,â you rasp in return, hearing him growl in satisfaction before burying you facedown into his bed. As he plunges inside again, you grip at his sheets, driven to the brink and reveling in all the things heâs saying to you while feeling him in your stomach.Â
Suddenly, you feel your arms pulled back, and you yell into his mattress as he buries himself even deeper. Everything youâre screaming makes no sense, but the phenomenal sensation you feel as you go limp renders you speechless anyway.Â
Yoongi knows exactly what heâs doing as he pushes his thumb into your asshole, because you clench so hard around him that he chuckles darker than dark. Careening into space, you kiss the edge of euphoria before he inconveniently pulls out, launching a sling of insults from your mouth.Â
âWhat was that?âÂ
âI said fuck you!âÂ
âThought so.âÂ
Not done in the slightest, Yoongi hauls your thighs so flush against him that you have to use your fingertips for support. Just as youâre about to argue, he rams into you from a new and impossibly enticing angle and holy fuck it feels so good you want to weep.
âPut that fucking hand down,â he growls, smacking away the fingers you didnât even know were on your mouth. âIf you wanna talk shit.âÂ
âFuckâ!âÂ
âUh huh. Let it out, baby girl.â
Youâve never felt this out of control. This wild. This out of body. Your head is yanked back, your back pressing into the front of his shirt before you feel him so far into your guts that you quiver.Â
Now at the mercy of his tongue in close range, you hear his gravelly tone in your ear, âWhatâs my fuckinâ name.âÂ
âAssholeââÂ
A hard smack to your tits has you crumpling with a whine. âSay it.âÂ
âIâll say it if I wanna say itââÂ
Another spank to your inner thigh and youâre gone. Eyes roll as he tweaks your nipple, and your words are almost garbled when he grips your chin from behind. âThis what weâre doing? Hmm?âÂ
You laugh breathy before you taunt, âUh huh.âÂ
âMmâŠâ Despite your laugh, you shake. âI wouldnât do that, doll.âÂ
âMake me. Bet you canât.âÂ
Tensed and veins angry, Yoongi grips both your tits before snarling, âThatâs enough.âÂ
Swiftly, he shoves you down into the sheets, muscular frame pinning you as he strokes up into you just right. Again. Again. Itâs all too slow and too effective and youâre trying to stay mad but all you can feel is perfection, your back arching at his thrusts and mewling at his low growls in your ear.Â
âYou wanted this.â Another thrust. âTalking shit.â Your jaw goes slack. âPissing me off.âÂ
Your groan is downright erotic. Why why why? Just knowing youâre making him this mad flutters your cunt and, from the sinister chuckle shooting into your neck, Yoongi definitely felt that.Â
âFuckinâ thought so.âÂ
When he reaches to grab your breasts, the last thrust has you crying out in a flurry of pleasure.Â
Every single thought is Yoongi, from beginning to end in a biblical cycle of debauchery. Exertion leaves you slick, sweat coating the expanse of your skin only to press into his bed, your mess your mess your mess. At his hands. The smacks of his cock. The rolls of his hips. Are you gone? Are you here? If heâs bruised then you feel like you are, too, and you welcome the temporary pain as Yoongiâs fingers dig ever deeper into your waist fuck oneâs now pinning your head down.Â
The moans you let out are unending, and your thighs shake when all you get in response is a laugh of condescension.Â
âLook at you. Canât even stay mad.âÂ
âFuck you!â Youâre close, youâre close, youâre close again. Release is at your fingertips, but Yoongi yanks himself out to rip it away from your outstretched fingers. âNo!âÂ
âWhat, doll.âÂ
âPlease!âÂ
âNah.âÂ
Body sore, youâre flipped over with no mercy as something else presses against your cunt.Â
Fucking hell, heâs eating you out now? Shaking, you feel Yoongiâs tongue swirl around your thrumming clit before he sucks, edging you to the point of tears and heartbreak. And it proves too much as you grab at his head, yank at his hair, because he lets up when youâre close.Â
Every. Single. Time.Â
Your madness spirals into your curses, and he relishes in your despair, continuing to lick and suck and slap your thighs with patience. âWhat do you say?âÂ
âPlease!âÂ
âMm. Not loud enough.âÂ
âYoongi, please.âÂ
âOh, weâre saying names now?âÂ
Fuck, fuck, fuck, it aches. Itâs starting to borderline hurt. âIâll be good,â you barter, beg, plead with a head spinning off its own axis. âIâll do anything.âÂ
âDo it yourself then.âÂ
Later, when you look back on tonight, youâll be embarrassed and shy to hell. But right now, youâre so over any shyness that you donât hesitate, reaching down to rub at your clit and moaning when itâs so sensitive.
And Yoongi gets a front row seat.Â
His groan is gutteral. And it doesnât take you long to quicken your pace, bucking your hips and whining to the ceiling. Youâre so so so close itâs right thereâ
Your hand is smacked away. And after you try to wrestle out of his grip, you are a flat out, blubbering mess. âYoongi⊠PleaseâŠâÂ
âNah.âÂ
This is torture. And youâre frightened at how much youâre enjoying it. âIâm so close.âÂ
âYouâll come when I say you can.âÂ
âPlease! âŠPlease..â
âYou done being a brat?âÂ
âNo! Fuck. Yes!â If you werenât so far gone, you may have deciphered a tiny smile of amusement. But it wonât be for months later until youâll realize that you were wrong.Â
Because the menacing flash of teeth you see is much too wide to be anything other than pride. âThe fuck did I say? Use your words.âÂ
You know youâre still upset. You know Yoongi is still upset. But for some reason, you feel closer to him than you have in awhile, and you wonder if lust and madness are two sides of the same coin. âLet me come. Please.âÂ
Yoongi finally obliges with something he hadnât pleasured you with yet. And your vision blanks as you yelp at the sensation, his slick fingers pistoning into your folds so fast youâre arching so taut. From between your quivering legs, you hear one final command,Â
âThen fucking come.âÂ
And you burst, so hard you almost feel like something threatens to spew from your cunt. But all you can do is shake and thrash under his grip, so erratic that you feel like Yoongiâs starting to pin you down. Gone, gone, gone, youâre sure the veins of your neck threaten to break through your sweaty skin.Â
Then you feel his cock thrust inside of you, and you whip your head forward only to get your airway cut off. âAgain,â he calmly repeats, flinging you back to the last time this happened.Â
Only this time, thereâs even less room for you to make any other choice.Â
âI said again.âÂ
Your body cannot fathom disobedience, pulsing and milking his perfect fit. Over, and over, and over. You hear rumbling from a dragon above, feel breaths of steam whooshing as it watches you come undone.Â
âYoongiââÂ
A light slap to your cheek is your only warning before your chin is tugged, lips smushing into yours to swallow your straining sobs. Fuck, fuck, fuck, your body is still thrumming, inundating around his cock until your emotions spill from your core. Toes. Fingers. Everything is straining and locking in place.Â
âSo fucking hot.â He rips your soul right out. âShit.âÂ
You fly through time and space, gathering emotions and feelings and spiraling spiraling spiraling. Crying. Youâre crying. Full on crying youâre so overwhelmed with everything truly you were so mean to him you upset him holy fuck you shouldâve left when he told you toâ
âBaby.âÂ
But you cannot stop crying, choke choke gasping on sobs.Â
âBabe.âÂ
âIâIââÂ
Your name stabs you with a crisp shot, coupled with a firm grip on your chin, snapping you back to lucid. And Yoongiâs eyes are frantically searching your own. âLook at me.âÂ
You do. Do you? You do. And his eyesâŠÂ
Theyâre not angry at all. Itâs pure concern. Steadfast concentration. And something reflecting your soul. âBreathe.âÂ
âOh, shit,â you whisper, coughing and reaching for oxygen you didnât know you were denying. Air rushes back into your lungs as you inhale.Â
âThere you go. Keep going.âÂ
You do, gulping down air and hiccuping a breath or two. Your cheek is being caressed, you think. And with another pass, you know it is.Â
âRelax for me.â And you hiccup a sob. âBreathe, babe.âÂ
You do, you do, you do. Yoongi kisses your forehead, your cheeks, your nose, and you breathe more and more through it all. âYou with me?âÂ
âAlways,â you answer, filter off because you are hanging by a thread and heâs holding the top. âPlease donât kick me out ever,â you hiccup. âPlease, baby, Iâll do anything for you but Iâcouldânever handle thatââÂ
Youâre tenderly hushed before lips slide over yours, attempting to swallow your thoughts and your sobs and your oncoming tears. As you flood his bed with apologies, Yoongi keeps wiping them all.
âIâm sorry.âÂ
âNothing to be sorry for.âÂ
âIâm really sorry.âÂ
âBabe.âÂ
âYou told me so many timesââÂ
âBreathe, angel.âÂ
You blink at the change in name, and it makes you focus just a bit stronger. Floating down from the precipice.Â
âI wasnât kicking you out,â he slowly explains, kissing sweat from your forehead. His words feel like a calm, rock-filled river over your eyes. âI felt like an idiot and hated you seeing me like this.âÂ
âLike what?âÂ
âJust⊠Like this.âÂ
âYouâre perfect like this,â you hitch out, not caring about what flows out of your mouth. âSo perfect. Always to me. I just wanted to help you, baby, Iâm so sorryââÂ
He hugs you so tight more tears squeeze out.Â
And so do more confessions, âI⊠I care about you. I think a little too much. If I lost you, I wouldnâtâbe ableââÂ
âIâm here.âÂ
âSo please donât push me away.âÂ
âI wonât.âÂ
âI know you donât make promises butââÂ
âI promise.â Without an ounce of doubt, Yoongi places a firm, lingering kiss on your temple. âPromise. Fuck.â As he holds you tight, you feel him shake before you hear the tiniest sniff at your ear.Â
Oh. He doesnât need to be like this, too. You try to move your hand up between your bodies to comfort him, but your whole limb feels gelatinous. So you simply whisper, âItâs okay, baby.âÂ
You canât tell how long you lie like this, with his beautiful weight on yours. But time is irrelevant when your mind is unwinding from hours of whirring, starting to finally accept the fact that everyone is okay and you donât have to be angry anymore.Â
âCome on,â Yoongi rasps, voice cracked and airy. âLetâs go.âÂ
âHmm?âÂ
âShower.âÂ
âOh. Okay.âÂ
Youâre so thrown and dizzy from what just happened that even getting to the bathroom is a blur. What you kinda feel is Yoongi holding you upright when your legs buckle, but you donât remember when he leaves your side to turn the water on.Â
As he flips on the light, your eyes squeeze until they adjust, and you watch as he tests the water while fully clothed. Air conditioning starts to give you a chill, but the shower warms up just in time because he reaches out to guide you inside.Â
Wait. Is he not joining you? Bleary, you grab at his shirt when he steps away, eyes pleading. âAre you coming in, too?âÂ
Yoongi stops before he gives a shake of his head. âIâll take mine when youâre done,â he says through a slight smile. âWeâll take care of you first.âÂ
That doesnât make sense. Even in your depleting haze, you know something doesnât add up. âYou can join me now. I donât mind.â When you try to lift his shirt, Yoongi visibly flinches when you brush over his ribs.
And all the murk around your head vanishes in a snap.Â
He kept his shirt on that whole time. Not once did your positions allow you to see his upper body fully. And now heâs not gonna get in the shower or take his shirt off?Â
Your voice lowers two octaves when you reach full clarity. âLet me see.âÂ
Unblinking, Yoongi tries to back away, âDonât worryââÂ
âLet me see it, baby,â you command, breath cut until he finally allows you to lift his shirt up holy fuck those injuries look so painful tears prick your eyes. âOh, my god, YoongiââÂ
âIâm fine.âÂ
âYouâre hurt.â You feel these wounds deep in your ribs, and you tell him to get your kit what the hell he fucked you while feeling those?Â
Attempting to alleviate your stress, Yoongi decides to strip fully and step into the shower, ignoring your pleas to grab your med kit and promising you can take care of him when youâre done washing up.Â
âAre you sure youâre okay?â
âYes, doll.âÂ
âAre you sure?âÂ
âPromise.âÂ
And when his arms wrap around you, this is when you finally let go. Huge, chest-wracking sobs echo around tile, and Yoongi stays quiet through your cathartic release.Â
Thereâs another reason you were so upset. And it has nothing to do with any of them, but with yourself. The main reason youâve been so riled up and frustrated is because⊠This is technically your fault, too.Â
But, unsurprisingly, he wonât let you take any blame whatsoever.Â
âYou got hurt cus I said to play.âÂ
âNope.âÂ
âI wore the outfit that day.âÂ
âDoesnât matter.âÂ
âAnd lost my friends at the club.âÂ
âNo.âÂ
Sniffling in quick succession, you think about one other option. Some form of closure that can double as compromise. Voice soft, you suggest the last resort you have,Â
âHow about we share it.âÂ
Yoongi blinks twice before he clarifies, âYou wanna share the blame?â When you nod, he huffs through the tiniest smile of confusion. âMm. Then itâs our fault.âÂ
âOkay.âÂ
After shaking his head, he closes his eyes, molding his forehead with yours. âWhat are you doing to me.âÂ
A sniffle. âWrecking your water bill.âÂ
His laughs join yours as you barely get your sentence out before giggling, and to feel him so close and present and here makes your worries slink down the drain.Â
Hands trace down your arms, walking along falling rivers before creating ponds with your fingers intertwined. âGonna clear me out someday.âÂ
âDuh.âÂ
Heâs himself again.Â
And after a whole night of chaos, you feel like yourself again, too.Â
Thatâs all you both need to feel peace.Â
-
-
You keep that tranquility carrying you through his room, peeking into his closet to grab the biggest shirt and sweats you can find before drying your head.Â
But no matter how much water you can dry, your body will keep being washed in relief. And itâs the calmest feeling, watching as Yoongi does the simplest things near his bed.Â
Your lips curve when he pulls up his pants; your heart beats when he grabs a tee. Itâs in this moment that you admit that these outfits of his are your favorites, and you gravitate to him as he slips cotton over his damp head.Â
âCome on,â you softly offer as you turn. âIâll make food and get you some ice.â
Again, Yoongi just stares with a faint smile. But his eyes are alive again, so youâre more than fine if he just follows your lead without a word.
In the kitchen, you pause amongst the appliances, the cabinets watching as you utilize your phone to find a good recipe. âWhat shall we eat⊠Stew? Or, waitââÂ
Looking up, you eye him in thought before choosing to focus on something else. âActually, letâs figure you out first.âÂ
Opening yet another tab to add to your hundreds, you type away before selecting a good starting point. âOkay, letâs see. Youâre breathing fine, so no bruised ribs. UmmâŠâÂ
Scroll, scroll.Â
âIt looks really bad there, though. You sure you can move right?âÂ
Despite asking, you go right back to your phone before Yoongi can even respond. Scrolling and clicking and reading again.Â
Scroll, scroll.Â
âOkay, so no bruised ribs, and according to this you donât have any broken bones. And nothing fractured, either, thank godââ
âI love you.âÂ
Time bursts.
Your chest glows.Â
Everything starts to beat, beat, beat in slow motion.Â
And you donât even feel like youâre in the room anymore. ââŠWhat?âÂ
You need to hear it again. You need to need to need to, because if you heard him wrong, you will check yourself and bolt right out the door.Â
His eyes.Â
Despite the battlefield on his skin, they are dripping, and sparkling, and full. The whole world suspends as he stares right into your soul, caressing it with his wounded hands and cradling it in his bruised arms.Â
No matter how hard the moon will tryâfor years, and years, and years moreâit will never outshine this single, shaken, solidified admittance.Â
âI love you, doll.â
You donât know what to do. You donât know what to fucking do.Â
Why is Yoongi saying this now? Why is he choosing now of all times to make you the happiest person in the universe?Â
No.Â
Happiness isnât even close to what you feel and youâre pretty sure youâre crying but nothing makes sense and your vision plunges under sunlit waters.Â
âAnd you donât have to say anything. I know I donât deserve to.âÂ
What?
âI canât be everything you want. Or need. Or whatever the fuck Iâm trying to say. But I just needed you to know because I canât fucking fight this shit anymoreââÂ
You lunge forward before he offers his last syllable, careful to avoid his wounds and not mush his face because he would do the same for you.Â
And itâs all too much tonight. The lingering fear, the dying anger, the floods of relief, the joy. You canât stop your sobs from coming out in bursts, your whole body wracking with overwhelming emotion as he grits into your skin,
âGoddamn it, Iââ
âYoongiââ
ââso fucking much.â
Yoongi loves you. Heâs here. He loves you, loves you, loves you and the beats of your heart pulse orange and blue, blue, blue.Â
Nothing will ever compare to this moment. Nothing. You will bottle this one up in a jar to place next to all the others you have stored, and when you are lonely, or hurt, or even when youâre doing just fine, you will uncork it to surround yourself with this memory and know that everything will be okay.Â
He loves you.Â
Fuck, he loves you?Â
You choke out his name with a sob, and he squeezes you even harder. When you canât reply with anything else, he buries his face in the crook of your shoulder, his tears taking root and blossoming into beautiful vibrant fruit all along your rib cage.
He loves you.
Why canât you seem to say it back? What the fuck is wrong with your tongue?
Maybe itâs because saying it doesnât feel like enough. Like itâs laughable that there are words for this feeling because they donât nearly represent what you harbor in your very being for this man.Â
Thereâs no way any words are enough. Not for him. Nor for you. Because right now, Yoongi needs something more. And youâre going to give him more than everything.Â
âYoongi, Iââ
He captures your lips in his, and you let him push you against his counter and consume you everywhere he wants to. Between his claims, your sobs have room to breathe. Which makes for a horrible showing of your attempting to say what you want to. âI⊠I canât⊠Yoongiââ
Fingers press into the back of your head, a forehead smushing into yours and shutting you up completely. âIâm sorry,â he says, words rolling down the tracks your tears have walked. âI wonât ever be able to say that enough.âÂ
âBaby,â you hiccup, resting a hand over one of his. âItâs okay.âÂ
âItâs not.â
âIt is.â You squeeze his hand, feeling the lovely digs of his knuckles in your palm. His scent wafts around you like an embrace, and you know thereâs nothing quite like it. At all. âYouâre okay, so Iâm okay.âÂ
After he plants a warm kiss on your temple, you feel his hands ball into fists at your ears. âI justâfuck.âÂ
Thereâs no telling what heâs thinking about in that brain of his. But you need him to know that thereâs nothing more for him to be sorry for. All you care about is that heâs present, responding, and himself.Â
âBabe,â you whisper, still not believing those three words coming out of his mouth. âIâm here.âÂ
âI know.â He sighs, smushing into your lips and holding you so tenderly, yet so tight. As he laps at your tongue, youâre more than sure he can taste your rainfall.Â
None of this is real. Because you canât believe it at all. Even as Yoongi continues his journey across your neck, your shoulders, your jaw, your face, you still canât piece together that this is truly happening.
When you feel him hard on your pelvis, you remember that he didnât get the same release you got earlier. But youâre not gonna be the one to suggest going again, all of this will be what he decides.Â
And what Yoongi decides is to pull you closer, breathing you in while you do the same. His kisses are never ending, and your hands roam languidly along his shoulders, his hair, stretching across the expanse of his back. One that has held the weight of the world and then some.
His name leaves your mouth in a sigh, your back arching as softly as the kisses being planted along your breasts.Â
âIf you only knew,â he whispers, laughing to himself as he wraps an arm around your side.
âKnew what?â
âNothing, babe.â You gasp into his next rough press to your lips. âYouâre soâfuck.â
You said youâd let him lead. But as Yoongi starts to walk you into his bedroom again, you think about his injuries and feel more concerned after knowing theyâre there. So you quietly stop him as you reach his bed, âAre you sure?âÂ
âIâll be alright, doll,â he whispers, lowering you down and smiling so tranquilly your heart lurches. âAs much as I think you enjoyed the first time, this time will be better.âÂ
Giggling, you fight the heat from searing your cheeks as you smile. âYou enjoyed it more than I did, I think.âÂ
âI donât think so.â Yoongi smirks, getting up. âLemme get a condââÂ
âItâs okay,â you halt him with a hand, and he freezes.Â
Full stop. No movement. Not even a breath. â...What?âÂ
âWe donâtâŠâ You swallow, stomach fluttering at his expression. âWe donât have to this time.âÂ
Because Yoongiâs eyes have not left your face. âYou sure?âÂ
Then something causes you to smile. Knowing that if thereâs anyone you want to do this with, itâs this man right here and now. Thereâs genuinely no one else in the world with whom you would wanna share this experience, and the fact that heâs still asking makes you emotional.
Cradling his face with the most tender touch you can imagine, you confirm, âJust for a little bit.â And you add something you think he needs to keep hearing. âI trust you.âÂ
Gulping down any extra emotions spilling from your heartâs chalice, your words come out a little wobbled. âAnd I want to, if you want it, too.âÂ
âI want what you want, doll.âÂ
âThen itâs okay.â Â
Clothes on or off, you still feel so shy underneath him.Â
But this time, you vow to shove those feelings of unworthiness to the side. Because you are fully invested in this moment above all others. And Yoongi deserves more than you can give.Â
When he slowly tugs his sweats from your legs, youâre already choking back tears. As he climbs on top, you await the connection you never in your dreams wouldâve imagined.Â
And when Yoongi stares at you one more time, you know exactly what heâs asking.Â
âYes, my love,â you wisp into his skin, craning up to kiss him and swallowing his last slice of doubt. Knowing youâll say it again and again and again.Â
His brows pinch as he kisses youâslow, purposeful, understanding. Then he positions himself, and you can physically feel his hand brush your cunt as he does so. If he ever asks if you felt him shake, you will deny it. But only for a year or two.Â
As soon as you feel himâonly him, solely himâyou swell with a current of emotion. And it pulls you all the way under when heâs fully sheathed inside.Â
âHoly fucking shit.âÂ
âYoongiââÂ
âFuck.âÂ
Simply having him inside, with no barriers or obstacles in between? Youâre already close. Thereâs no early explanation, but you already feel overwhelmed enough to come.Â
No no no. You want this to last forever, so you wait for Yoongi to gather himself because he appears to be fighting, too.Â
Chuckling, you ask, âYou good, baby?âÂ
And your lover snaps his gaze to your face, bangs sweeping across your cheeks and eyes unblinking. âYeah, just...â He stares at your inquisitive expression before whooshing out a harsh breath. âJust this is about to make me bust.âÂ
You burst into laughter before admitting you were just thinking the same thing, and his slow grin makes you want to cry. âWeâre not good at this.âÂ
âNo. Youâre too good at this. I canât even move.âÂ
âYes, you can,â you whine. âYou wreck my shit all the time.âÂ
Feeling a twitch more prominent than ever, you giggle as Yoongi puffs out pained amusement. âDoll, if you keep talking like that, Iâm pulling out.âÂ
âOkay, okay,â you surrender, loving how out of sorts he seems. Heâs fighting for his life and youâre enjoying the hell out of it.Â
âYouâre a little too perfect right now.â
Maybe one day you will agree with him. But that day is far from reach, your head shaking in quiet disagreement.
âYou are.â
âNowhere close,â you whisper.
His nose brushes against yours. âSay that again and see what happens.â
âIs that what you tell all the others fuck!â
His shove up your cunt makes you see stars. âWhat did I fuckinâ say?âÂ
âWhatââ
Another launch has you careening through space, lip bitten and suppressing a hearty whine. âYou think thereâs someone else?â Again. âHmm?âÂ
Again.Â
Youâre so dazed and mind-fucked to pieces that your speech is barely audible. But your chin is grabbed as youâre snapped straight, and your eyes try their hardest to focus on slitted ones above. âYouâre gonna regret saying that.âÂ
You just laugh, whine pinging sharp into the ceiling as he shoves forward so hard your whole body shifts upward. âOh, yeah?âÂ
Yoongi doesnât respond with words, thrusting up again and sending you twisting and winding towards the edge unbelievably fast. âUh huh.âÂ
âMake me then,â you gasp out. âMake me really sorry.âÂ
The sound Yoongi makes comes from deep within his stomach, the rumbling hum shooting right into your veins like liquid fire.Â
And the full-on attack he bursts into renders you completely speechless. Everything Yoongi does pulls you deliciously in all directionsâhis thrusts, his chain hitting his chest, his grip on your wrists, the way he snags your chin. Everything.Â
âTaking me so well like this.âÂ
âIââ
âSo fucking tight.â
Fuck fuck fuck itâs habitual for you at this point, and you unhinge your jaw a split second before he smacks the side of your face. Desire lowers your lids halfway as you feel empowered, and you donât even recognize your voice as you order him on the spot. âDo it again.âÂ
Yoongi doesnât stop his pace as he keeps his eyes on you.Â
âDo it again,â you growl, fully limp and a groaning mess when he does exactly what you want.Â
Fuck, the pain feels good. So good that you reach up and choke him out. But the back of your head is grabbed before you feel hungry lips smash into yours. You feel your wrists pinned again by one large palm, air chilling for a moment before a hot mouth captures one of your nipples. âOh, fuck, Yoongi!âÂ
âUh uh.âÂ
âPleaseâpleaseââÂ
Youâre still tensing as he devours your chest below his shirt, strokes now slower but just as powerful.Â
Your arms still havenât been freed, but thereâs something about being under his control that has you loving this position. Without question. Maybe itâs the fact that you can see him now, losing himself just as he saw you washes in the throes of passion.Â
And he licks, sucks, lolls his tongue all over your tits, whispered praises sinking through your bosom as he keeps a grip on your wrists.Â
âBaby,â you gasp. âIâm close, IâmââÂ
âShit.â Air whooshes over you before you feel your arms freed and him yank himself out, and you freeze as he unloads right on your stomach, a sharp cocktail of pride and shock in your gut.Â
Holy fuck, Yoongi was that close? Did he hold out as long as he could? Shit, heâs breathing so hard his jewelry shakes as it dangles.Â
Youâre still so surprised that your arms are still locked into bends, and he glances up at you from his kneeled state. âFuck,â he laughs, and is that⊠Is Yoongi shy? âThought I could hold out.âÂ
âNo, no, itâs fine,â you assure through your own tiny chuckle. âOh my god, I promise.âÂ
He leans down to plant a heart fluttering kiss on your lips, but you hate how he looks pained on the way down.Â
Those hits he took⊠Now you kinda understand his perspective. Because now you want to avenge him in five hundred thousand waysâalmost half as many ways as you want to show him how you feel.Â
âStay there, beautiful,â Yoongi orders as he moves to get off the bed, wincing in passes. âIâm not done with you.âÂ
Damn. He looks even more exhausted than before. âBaby, are you sure?âÂ
But Yoongi walks right to his bathroom to retrieve a towel, and your eyes may as well transform into hearts when you watch him come back to you. So handsome, even now. Even when heâs simply holding a washcloth, hair completely mussed, soul sparkling and face bruised.Â
As he sits to clean your face before moving to your stomach, you can only observe his eyes. So experienced. Calm. At peace. When they drift to yours, itâs instinct that has you shying away. âWhat, love.âÂ
Another reason to crumble inside. âI just⊠nothing,â you whisper.Â
And Yoongi finishes with the cloth before tossing it somewhere. âTell me,â he says, lying down on the ribs with more damage. âI wanna know.âÂ
âCome on this side,â you tell him, and he obliges without a word. âItâs a secret.âÂ
âA secret?âÂ
âMmhmm.âÂ
Yoongi settles before lifting your chin, rubbing an affectionate thumb over any tears still persevering on your cheeks. âI can keep those, you know.âÂ
Smiling, you fold way too easily. âOkay, Iâll tell.âÂ
When he leans in, your nervousness and excitement to tell him almost spoils your ability to do so. Like someone gifting a present while wanting to say what it is before itâs even opened.Â
âI love you, too,â you whisper, tears sprinting to your ducts as Yoongi freezes. When he looks at you, you canât help but choke on a sob seeing his eyes get as red as the marks on his cheek. âAnd you deserve more than I could ever give.âÂ
His eyes hold the heavens and the seas.Â
Youâre right. Just saying it isnât fucking enough.
Youâre already liplocked again before you can think, saltwater on your face and you donât even know whose eyes it came from.
Determined, Yoongi starts kissing a trail from your lips to your jaw, and you start to cry as he makes his own journey down the expanse of you.Â
All of you.
Is this what it feels like? Is all of this actually, genuinely real?
You hope so, because you feel devotion in each press of his lips, and every touch will be remembered in its own right. Its own pocket of time.
Every single stop.
It almost feels divine when his mouth reaches your folds, lapping at your essence and swirling around your clit. When you say his name, Yoongi says nothing, instead palming your thighs and eating you out like he has all the time in the world.Â
Swelling, you already feel close.Â
But the way he gets you to fantasia is so natural that you slide into your quivers seemlessly. The transition into your heaven flows like a stream, and your waves engulf his tongue and coat his mouth without trouble.Â
This is what it feels like. What it feels like with Yoongi.Â
And you wanna keep making love until only sleep can take you from him.
Your hands jut into his hair, gasping as he keeps his pace, and no matter how you squirm he is dead set on holding you down until holy fuck youâre coming again.Â
How? Whatâs happening to you? This constant stream of release is shocking you to the point of crying out, and Yoongi groans into your orgasm and prolongs it with the whole press of his tongue.
âHoly fuck, babyâ!â Another wave overcomes the next, and you outright quake in his hands, eyes rolling and vision blinking white. Muscles lock as you canât keep up with the pleasure, and youâre mercilessly let go only for lips to descend on yours.
Your tears spill into your ears as you kiss him back, wrapping tired arms over his shoulders and raking in deep.Â
âFuck.â And you feel his cock lodge against your entrance, and youâre amazed how hard he is again.Â
Does he want what you want? Is he ready again?Â
As Yoongi quietly gets up to get a condom, youâre amazed that he wants to keep going after everything thatâs transpired. But, if he feels like you do, heâs ready to keep going until the sun comes up three whole times.Â
When he sits next to you, your better half appears shy as he bites the wrapper. âDonât take this the wrong way.â
âOh, I already know.â
âK. But god, I fuckinâ want to.â
You bite your lip to hold back your smile, remembering what he said a long time ago and bringing it back full circle for the next thing you both wanna try. âOne day.â
Yoongi only grins.Â
And for the next hour, your lover, your secret, your home gives you everything he has, and you come for him more times than you ever have in your life.
Every time, he drags your pleasure out, expertly tearing you down with his movements and building your confidence up with his words. He tells you youâre perfect, and he disagrees when you disagree. When you find tears on your face, he kisses those away, too. When you feel along his silver, he simply watches you in silence.Â
No sadness, doubt, nor anger to be found.Â
After you physically canât do any more, Yoongi lies at your side, silent as you play with his hair. You do your best to stay still, not wanting to accidentally push into any of his injuries that youâre gonna beg him to get checked in the morning.Â
Once heâs healed? Thatâs when youâll never let go. Because you want to crush him into you completely. Mold into him, just so he can feel the brevity of your highest affection.Â
âIâm sorry for yelling,â you finally whisper. âBut I really was so mad at you. All of you.âÂ
âI know.âÂ
âI donât wanna lose you.â
âIt wonât happen again.âÂ
âThatâs what you said last time.âÂ
Yoongi stares, seeming to withhold something from you before he palms your cheek. âThey were gonna follow us home if we didnât, babe,â he reveals, snapping your heart back in two. âWe all knew that.âÂ
âOh, fuck.â Everything hits you at once: why they stayed, why you and Taehyung had to leave. Why Tae didnât bring you straight back to the house. And the burns at your eyes match the searing in your gut. âI didnât⊠I didnât think about that.âÂ
When you start to cry, Yoongi sits up and hangs his head between his sweats. âYou donât need to think about shit like that,â he murmurs, sounding defeated as ever. âBut we talked after you told us off. We wonât hide that from you anymore.âÂ
Sniffling, you whisper out a thank you. But you donât want Yoongi to feel like he has to distance himself, so you untangle himâslowly, gentlyâ-before bringing him into your chest.Â
After dealing with all that and the tempest in his living room, this man still let you in. From the looks of things, thereâs a lot that he had been fighting, and youâre more than appreciative that he opened his door. Not knowing how to put these feelings into words, you say the first things that come to mind. And for some reason, they feel heavier on the way out,Â
âThank you for letting me in. It was raining really hard.âÂ
Yoongi stiffens hard before holding you closer.Â
âBabe?â
No response. Just another batch of weighted quiet.Â
Worried, you tilt your head. âHey. Look at me.â
If he stays right where he is, youâll have to respect that decision. But he ends up pushing himself up, and as soon as you see moonlight catch on a falling tear, all your instincts reach for him, âOh, fuck, come here.â
You surround him with everything you have, wanting every single bit of warmth birthed from his love to fill his space instead of yours. Whatever he needs, you will give. âItâs okay, baby,â you whisper, holding him so close but not nearly close enough.Â
Never close enough.
His face is buried in the crook of your neck, and you will let him live there whenever he needs to. âIâm not mad anymore, okay?â God, you hate how heâs still so silent. You get it, but you hate whatever made him default to this state. âIâm just glad youâre alright.â
After light rain fills the room, your soul breaks at a sniffle, and you crush your love even tighter.
âThis isnât about that, doll,â Yoongi finally whispers, burying wet eyes further into your shoulder. âItâs justâŠâ
Itâs what? Whatâs he thinking about? Hopefully itâs not anythingâ
âItâs so fucking better when youâre here.âÂ
When you choke out a sob, his body locks, words pouring from nowhere and everywhere. âI sleep better. Eat better. Fuck, I even feel better even if nothing else changes.â
âYoongiâŠâ
âItâs true.â Sighing, he sniffles again before letting his weight drop onto you in resignation. Or relief. âI mean that.â
âThen⊠Those three monthsâŠâ
âOne day, Iâll tell you everything,â he offers, making you wonder what the hell heâs been through in the past. And if it has something to do with that guitar he smashed to pieces. âBut from now on, you can be here whatever you want.âÂ
Many things have shifted tonight. As if an earthquake had upturned everything between the both of you, only peace has settled in its wake. A peace you had never felt before. As you brush fingers through his hair, you joke, âSo I can come to those parties you host, too?âÂ
âThose werenât my idea, by the way. Jimin made me.â Kissing your shoulder, Yoongi continues to admit, âHe was worried. And hoping you would show.â
Oh. Thatâs news to you.Â
âI knew you wouldnât. But.â He exhales before nestling in further. âI did hope to see you, too.âÂ
âItâs okay.â You rub the back of his neck, your fingers feeling nothing but warmth and the softness of his clothes. âIt wouldâve been too obvious.â
âWhat wouldâve.â
âThat I wanted you all to myself.â
âYou already have that.â
When you stiffen, your words are tiny. âYou know what I mean.â
Yoongi laughs soft, taking one of your hands in his and bringing it up for a kiss as you blurt, âMy brother was the one that invited me. To come to those, I mean.â
The way he blinks is comical. âHuh.â
âI know.â Itâs your turn to bring his hand close, kissing along his knuckles before you stare out the window behind him. âIt makes me wonder if he knows.â
âWhat if he does?â
You snap your eyes right to his. âDoes he?â
Yoongi watches your lips linger on his fingers before he tells the truth, âNo.â
âOkay. But youâre sure I can stay?âÂ
âWho do you think you bought those groceries for?âÂ
Oh. Wait. âWhat?âÂ
Grinning so sly, Yoongi reveals the plan he had all along, âI get you for a week, right?â
Oh. Holy shit. You cannot quite possibly deal with what this man is saying. That whole time you were shopping for his list⊠No wonder he was already done with dinner when you got there oh youâre gonna get him back for that.Â
Light bursts from your center as you grit out through a grin, âYou sneaky littleââ Pulling his tilted mouth in for another kiss, your heart pulses little pink stars as he leans in with a laugh, and you meet lips again and again until he slowly, reluctantly stops.Â
âOne day,â he murmurs out of nowhere, and you flick your eyes to his. âIâll be better.â
Of course he will. You have no doubts. But, just like he always does for you, youâre gonna start offering the same reassurance out loud, even if he knows itâs there.Â
And you canât contain your little laughs at your own joke, despite him just staring into your face right after you crack it, âDonât make it just one day, silly.âÂ
Even if youâre very serious, itâs in your nature to lighten things up. Especially after hearing such wonderful news for whatâs coming. Clutching a little bit of his shirt, you whisper with complete devotion,Â
âWeâll make it as many as we can.â
You hate how you feel him freeze, knowing what that means, what plaguing little thoughts are embedded in that tiny shift.Â
Yoongiâs still hesitant to accept.
Because you are, too. In many ways. But this man has been picking you up and making you stronger day after dayâin both his presence and absenceâthat you canât help but fight to do the same.Â
Does he ever think about you? Does he know that youâll always be with him? No matter how close or far apart you are? You hope so. Because itâs so true that your heart is searing that promise into your soul, branding it as a reminder to reciprocate all this genuine love youâve never been given before.
He loves you?
You still canât accept that as fact.
âŠMaybe one day.
You chuckle to yourself, deciding to keep talking because Yoongi is still so very quiet. âAt least. Until the day I get to meet my cat,â you huff in triumph. âThen Iâm running away with her.â
Itâs a perfect strike of a match. âOh, yeah?â
âYeah.â You pretend to pout. âBut Iâm starting to think she ran away already and you wonât fess up.â
Yoongi laughs so suddenly you flinch. After a playful scoff, he tries to make you feel better, âSheâs still here!â
âLies.â
âHow much are you betting, doll.â
âHow much are you willing to lose, babe.â
âThis much,â he finally says, pinching your sides and hissing laughter when you scream. âMaybe Iâll make you leave after all if youâre gonna be a problem.âÂ
âYou did threaten to kick me out before.âÂ
âHuh? When?â
âThat day I showed up,â you remind him through a chuckle. Thrown back to that first night, you start to see all the parallels between then and now. And how vastly different things have become. âSaid you were gonna kick me out for hustling you.âÂ
The glorious laughter from the depths of his belly makes you grin, and you cringe when his brows pinch in both laughter and pain. âI shouldâve!âÂ
He needs to get those hits healed. âYou really shouldâve.âÂ
âPlayed me from the very start. You happy with yourself?â When you nod, Yoongi shakes his head. âCourse you are.âÂ
âYou love it.âÂ
âI do.â Your eyes meet, which proves dangerous for you because he bites his smirk before pulling you in for a kiss. âThought I was gonna say it, huh.âÂ
âNo!â You lie. Because no, you certainly were not! ââŠMaybe.âÂ
âGuess what.âÂ
Suddenly paranoid, you give him a look, already expecting to be tricked again.Â
But Yoongi captures your lips without warning, curling your toes into sheets youâre now achingly familiar with. After a few passes, he shifts above, planting a hand at your side and letting his chain slide against your chest as he slots a leg in between yours.Â
Yet again, you think about that first night, that first time. The first of apparently, surprisingly, wonderfully unexpectedly many.Â
Who wouldâve thought rain and a broken ego would bloom into something good? Who wouldâve believed a person so close to your roots would be your home?Â
As he lets up with one last slow stroke of his tongue, you whisper, âWhat were you gonna say?âÂ
At this, Yoongi spreads closed lips, taking his time planting a peck on your nose. âI just fucking love you, doll.âÂ
Oh. Heâs a menace and the most annoying tease on the planet.Â
When you canât do anything but flee into his chest, Yoongi immediately laughs, forcing you back out of your little shell. âYou canât hide now, babe.âÂ
âI can!âÂ
Leaned forward in your struggle, you give him no choice but to swoop his head into your neck. Which backfires on you immensely because he decides itâs the perfect time to rasp deep against your ear, âI love fucking you, too.âÂ
His name flies out of your mouth in disbelief and embarrassment, and his heightened amusement puffs into the burning column below your chin.Â
This is the moment something comes over you. Slams into you. Washes you in present nostalgia like lingering footsteps on a balcony.Â
And it hurts. It really, really hurts.Â
Instead of laughing along, you come down from your high, squeezing him like the pillow that couldnât replicate his warmth for months. âI miss you.â
After a second, Yoongi questions, âHow? Iâm right here.â
You know that. You do. But with every hello thereâs a goodbye, and you donât want that this time. Especially now that your heart knows that his beats the same.Â
Breathy and shaken, you rest your head in his chest, hoping he doesnât hear but does at the same time, âI still miss you.â
Strong fingers weakly press into your sides, and while you canât see him, you know for a fact that his smile is gone. Because he also knows goodbye is coming again, and you canât stay here forever as long as this is all a secret.Â
You feel a sigh wisp over your head before words that make no fucking sense follow it out, âI canât do shit like this anymore.âÂ
âŠWhat?
No. No no no he canât be done just like that you both just confessed everything you need to fight say something anything anythingâ
âI wanna do this the right way.âÂ
Oh.Â
Yoongiâs chest⊠Itâs shaking.Â
Pushing yourself up, you search his eyes for answers. âWhat are you saying?âÂ
When he looks at you, thereâs a fire in his eyes that wasnât there before. Or maybe it has been there all along, and he only needed a spark to set it ablaze. âIâm saying Iâll tell him, doll. Just me.âÂ
Oh. Oh, shit. Didnât he say not yet? Didnât he say he needs more time? He said heâd figure it out what is with the suddenâŠ
Your tears are automatic as Yoongi roams his gaze from one eye to the other, and heâs swallowing before taking a step. A step you didnât think heâd make. One you didnât have the courage to take yourself.Â
When he utters the words, your soul lets rain fall just as the storm resides.
And right as moonlight shines through his blinds.
âIâll tell him everything.âÂ
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tbc. :)
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so... how did it go! | join the server!
a/n: so. here we are, over two years and 250k+ words later. thank you for sticking with me if you're still here, and thank you for being the most amazing readers a writer could ever, ever ask for. if you can interact or let me know what you enjoyed/like, i would be eternally grateful. these two parts took all of me, and i'm gonna take a break for a little bit before starting on the next part.
a/n 2: thank you for also being here despite the highs and lows! things have really weighed on me for awhile, which prevented me from working on this part forreal. but my mental feels a lot lighter now, and i am ready to keep running with y'all. so thank you for your support and encouragement, no matter how you show it!
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feedback box:
â„ of course, any reblogs/comments/messages are appreciated!
â„ for the ones that are too shy to reblog with a review, comment on this, or send a message, i went ahead and made another anonymous form where you can send in what you think!
â„ no emails collected, no need to put in a username. itâs literally just a comment dropbox :D feedback can be as short/sweet or as long as youâd like!
â„ here!
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more links:
â„Â masterlistÂ
â„Â three tangerines masterlist
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Woven Hands
jason todd x reader
A/N: thank u to @heavysighing-dreamyeyes for their post linked here for their jason headcanons, they got me dancing and swinging my feet while I wait for my classes. đ€ ENJOY my small drabble, tell me ur thoughts in the comments :D
also small rant but tell me why i never undated my tumblr app and i was struggling for so long and everything didnât look like how it was supposed to? đ please donât be like me and update yo shiz like responsible human beings
âDonât make me do this.â You muttered, standing on top of the couch cushions, water gun hoisted in your pocket, filled completely with sink water.
You felt the weight of the water droop in your pants, you squinted, trying to frighten your opponent. You didnât have a holster, so your sweatpants pocket was the next best thing.
The couch increased your height, made you stand tall, allowed your voice to be more direct. You wanted to overpower Jason, part-time Red Hood, full time smack talker.
âAnd what are you gonna do if I donât listen?â Jasonâs eyes lowered, voice deepening to a menacing tone. Invisible cowboy hat tilted on his head.
He stood tall, spreading his legs shoulder width apart, letting muscle memory place him in an opposing stance thatâs proven effective each time someone has tried to stupidly test the Red Hood.
He lowered his hands, fingers dancing in the air as he waited to reach for his water gun in his holster.
Lucky fucker was wearing a holster because heâs the Red Hood. Not only does he get a cheat, but he has two water guns?
Completely absurd.
âYou might not live long enough to find out.â You tilted your chin up, trying to attempt to be arrogant, but the smirk on Jasonâs face was telling you it wasnât as effective as you hoped.
Maybe if you could actually be taller than him, it would make you sound tough, but looking from just above his eye-level was the best you were going to get.
Jasonâs shook his head, slowly, calculating your moves as he never took his eyes off of you.
You met his stare, never blinking as you watched.
You could feel your eyes wavering, shaking the longer you looked.
Jason was calm, his stare locked onto you. Countless interrogations under his belt, aiding him the experience you didnât have.
âYou know we both canât walk away from this. We have too much history.â He spoke, letting the words settle between your showdown.
You firmly frowned.
âI stand by what I said and if you canât live with thatâŠI guess you leave me with no other choice.â You quickly grabbed your water gun, angling it to your partner.
By the time you could pull the trigger, water was hitting your shirt. Soaking into your skin as you looked down, watching the fabric darken.
Like in slow motion, you fell to your knees, watching Jason also get his shirt soaked, but not nearly enough as yours.
âNo, no, it wasnât supposed to end like this.â You dropped your plastic water gun, reaching up with your free hands to grab your shirt.
You plopped down onto the couch, letting your body go limp as you laid there.
âI told you, only one of us would walk away from this.â Jason walked over, kneeling next to the couch, where your body lay.
You reach up, feigning shaking hands as you reached for the muscular man with his imaginary cowboy hat.
You gestured for Jason to lean closer, following along with your antics.
You carefully lowered your voice to a whisper, a final wish.
âDelete my search history.â
You closed your eyes, arms going limp as you stuck your tongue out in a bad rendition of fake dying.
Jason laughed, reaching out to grab your hands in between his warm ones.
You never moved, zeroing in on the feeling of your fingers.
Soft caresses. A small peck before Jason littered your knuckles in kisses. Kissing down to your finger tips, then repeating down to your wrists.
âI shouldâve chosen a sword fight, how could I choose water guns of all things?â You opened your eyes, shaking your head as Jason continued to worship your skin.
âYouâre just pouting.â He said in between kisses, nose pressed into your palm.
âCome on, you always get to kiss my hands, when can I hold yours?â You watched carefully, thoughts slowly lost to the repeated warmth from Jasonâs lips.
âWanna sword fight to find out?â Jason smiled into your hands.
end a/n: serial hand kisser jason changed my life, thank u pooks for ur headcanons and restructuring my brain. and thank u đ«” for reading my drabble, i just thought this was a silly idea :D
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specific icks i think my fav JJK ppl would give me bc the solution to delulu is bullying <3
(yuji, megumi, nobara, gojo, nanami, inumaki, yuta, maki, toji and choso)
Yuji
swears to god he can handle spicy food and I promise you he cannot. like every time you guys get ramen and can choose your spice level he insists on the hottest one but he just ends up sweating and crying by the end of it. he will never learn đ
MegumiÂ
heâs that one person in a group chat who's silent and doesnât respond or react to anything, but if you kick him out heâd be bitter about it? fucking voyeur, like do you just wanna watch human interaction or are you gonna contribute at some point?đ
Nobara
i think if youâre her friend and her crush walks by, sheâd do a full mood shift and suddenly be meaner to you in hopes of making her crush laugh. THERE'S A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL FOR PPL WHO DO THIS^^
Gojo
gojo just assumes if you tell him something, itâs okay to talk about it like anywhere? he has walked up to you and said, âhey y/n! brought some cranberry juice for you UTI! oh! who are they??đâ and you're literally sitting and talking to your PARENTS.Â
Nanami
brags about not having friends as if itâs his choice? listen I love nanami as much as the next girl with daddy issues, but you cannot tell me he'd have any friends. and heâs in denial about it too, heâd say something like, âI just canât be bothered with such idiots, Iâm too busy and smart.â and it's like â...did they even invite you to sit with them babe? who's rejecting who, here? bc sounds like they just donât like youđ«ąâ
Inumaki
iâm willing to bet money that he does that thing where he clutches his spoon in a fist, ifykyk like Iâm cringing just thinking about it. toddler behaviorđŒ
Yuta
picky eater who lies and says heâs allergic to food he doesnât like, just bc he's that dead serious about you not bringing pickles around him. heâs committed too like heâll fake a choking noise and everything. drama queen đ
Maki
hey mama's lesbian, Iâm srry but she is. has one sports bra she wears every. single. day. itâs v questionable bc "babe, when do you wash it??đ”ïžââïž"
Toji
wears the oldest, most torn up boxers like they can be falling apart at the seams with gaping holes in them and he doesnât see the problem???Â
Choso
thinks heâs so dark and messed up like, âmy music will prob scare youâ type shit and itâs just Pierce the Veil lmao?
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happy birthday sannie - choi san x fem!reader one shot (smut 18+) đ
đ±pairing: choi san x fem!reader (established relationship)
đ±warnings: smut (18+), porn with no plot, explicit language, mutual masturbation, slight degradation, slight angst, use of petnames, phone sex, dirty talk, san has a filthy mouth lmao
đ±summary: reader calls to wish san a happy birthday. luckily, they both get a happy ending! đ
đ±a/n: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE LOML đ„ł also, i'm just now realizing how much i write about phone sex lmao. i can't help it! it's fun! đ€
my masterlist
"happy birthday, sannie!"
you squeal into the phone, clutching the comforter to your chest. despite the time difference, you'd never miss the opportunity to wish your boyfriend a happy birthday.
"thank you, my love," he hums, grateful to hear your voice. he knows it's super early in the morning for you, so the gesture makes him happy. even though he feels a little guilty, it's pointless to tell you to get some sleep. after all, he missed you too.
"really wish i could be there with you." san can hear your pout through the phone. it reminds him of the hollow ache in his chest, only filled by your presence. nonetheless, he's happy to have this moment with you now.
"i know, honey. wish you could be here, too," he sighs, relaxing into the stiff hotel couch. "at least you'll be here tomorrow, though."
"that's not soon enough!" you whine, suddenly annoyed by the job that you so desperately wanted all those years ago. you have your dream career. but, days like this make you wish you could pack yourself up in san's suitcase and be with him always.
his answering chuckle is low and deep, causing you to rub your thighs together beneath the comforter. it's been almost a week since you've seen him. he had a fan meeting overseas, and the distance is wearing on both of you.
as your boyfriend rambles about his day, you find yourself getting distracted by flashbacks of the day he left with his members. his strong body hovered over yours, giving you everything he had. that familiar ache between your legs is back, much stronger this time.
"honey, did you hear me?" his inquisitive tone cuts you out of your daydream. your heart beats faster, somehow feeling like san can access the dirty thoughts running through your mind.
"sorry, sannie. i got a little distracted. what did you say?" you mentally scold yourself, embarrassed by your lack of self control.
"i was asking about how your day was?" his innocent question makes shame creep into your heart. he's the caring boyfriend, while you're the horny girlfriend who can't stay focused long enough to answer questions.
"oh, it was pretty good. just missing you a little more today."
"me too, i've been jerking off like crazy."
"san!" his casual tone catches you off guard. but, you'd be lying if you said it didn't turn you on.
"don't act coy now, baby. i could hear you breathing heavy when i was trying to talk to you about your day." his tone is slightly condescending and very sexy. if he were here, you can bet he'd be smirking at you and teasing the sensitive skin of your inner thigh.
your silence confirms his suspicions, inciting a knowing laugh from him. "you're just so easy to read, sweetie."
"don't tease me," you whine, basking in the slight humiliation you feel. san always know how to push your limits, turning you on like never before.
"tell me what you're wearing." his low pitch is rich and smooth, causing excitement to swirl around in your belly. you mindlessly bring your hand up to your chest, teasing yourself through the thin t shirt.
"i'm wearing your tour merch." a loud groan comes through the phone, followed by the sound of san shuffling around. your words never fail to make him hard.
his mind is overtaken by the thought of you in nothing but his t shirt. if he could have it his way, he'd be with you right now, buried between your thighs. instead, he settles for his hand, teasing himself through the fabric of his pants.
"bet you look so sexy, baby. all laid out on the bed waiting for me." the desperation in his voice strikes through to your core. "bet you do, too," you whine back, picturing his strong body once again.
"need you to touch yourself for me," he instructs, leaving no room for argument. not that you'd even dream of that.
you follow his command, gliding your fingertips down to the top of your panties. blood rushes in your ears, heart beating a mile a minute. taking the plunge, you dip your hand into the fabric, drawing light circles against your clit.
on the other end, san eases his zipper down. his bulge is prominent, and he can feel it throb with everyone sound you make. he teases himself, running a hand along his shaft. his boxers are the only barrier left now and they will be gone soon.
the faint gasp you let out is almost too much for san. unable to tease himself any longer, he pulls his hard cock out of his underwear. the coldness of the room makes him hiss, suddenly feeling more sensitive. he's lewd in the way he spits into his hand, making sure you can hear him.
"t-tell me what you're doing, baby," you pant, now drawing steady circles on your clit. the pressure feels amazing but you need more.
"i'm thinking about that tight pussy. you always squeeze my cock just right." his tone makes you clench around nothing, eager to have him back with you. you slow down, using your fingers to tease the outline of your pussy. "i'm thinking about your cock." your admission makes him pump himself faster, unable to hold back.
the only thing on his mind is you. you. you.
how you look when he stretches you out with his thick fingers, wetness leaking into the palm of his hand. how you look when he's between your thighs, using his tongue to draw figure 8s on your clit. how you look when he's inside you, one hand splayed across your lower back, pounding into you from behind.
that's the image that excites him the most. more precum leaks from his tip, messily mixing with his saliva. he imagines the way he'd paint your body with it.
"need tomorrow to come soon, so i can stretch that pussy out again," he grunts, prompting you to ease your fingers into your opening. "you gonna let me wreck that pussy when you get here?"
another gasp slips through your lips, the slight stretch adding to your pleasure. "w-want you to fuck me now," you whine out, making a scissoring motion with your fingers.
"yeah, bet you'd like that, huh? what a slut. can't even call your boyfriend to wish him a happy birthday without sticking your fingers in your cunt."
"mhmm, 'm your slut, sannie!"
"s-shit. you're so fucking sexy," he huffs, eyes rolling back in pleasure. the only thing to be heard in the hotel room is the vulgar, slick sound of his hand against his cock. he's a mess now, every nerve in his body is awake. every time he gets close to the tip, he feels a zap up pleasure shoot up his spine.
"wanna hear a secret?" the only answer you can offer him is a whimper.
"remember that thong you wore the last time i fucked you?" your voice is so faint, he almost misses your soft yes.
"i brought it here with me. i've been jerking off to it almost every night, imagining your pussy wrapped around my cock."
"ooo, i'm gonna cum, sannie!" it's the last thing you get out before a string of moans. you're seeing white, eyes shut tightly in pleasure. you imagine san fucking your through your orgasm, his hips bumping against your ass.
the sound of your orgasm has san seeing stars. he imagines himself buried inside of you. your pussy is always so slick, wet, and hot. he swears he can almost feel it. with a couple sloppy pumps, he's following right behind you. thick ropes of cum shoot out of his cock, painting across his abs.
both of you pant into the phone, slowly coming down from your high. after catching his breath, san is the first to speak.
"you did such a good job, baby. love hearing you pleasure yourself." his praise makes your cheeks burn, basking in his sweetness.
"thank you, sannie. i love hearing you, too." he snickers at your bashfulness, always surprised by how quickly you get shy on him. he finds it adorable, making him love you even more.
the rest of your conversation carries on, both of you complimenting the other throughout. you can pay attention now, finally feeling satisfied after a long day without your man. san's warm voice makes you feel relaxed, dragging you into a state of tranquility.
"baby? you there?"
silence answers him. he can't help but laugh and think about his sleepy girl. with a dopey smile on his face, he decides to let you get your sleep. he's grateful he was able to satisfy you.
"goodnight, angel. i'll see you soon."
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Could you do ACOTAR men x reader headcanons where how they would react/ respond to reader shoving her cold hands up their shirts?
My hands and feet are always cold so I always have my hands in my pockets or in between my thighs. And I always have some hot hands packs in my jacket during the colder months.
As I am typing this, Iâm waiting for my socks to finish warming up in the dryer so my feet are warm đ
Always so Cold
ACOTAR Men x reader
A/n: Iâm always cold too anon and this weather is killing me bc of my Raynaudâs. I hope your socks are nice and toasty babes đ„°
Also @redbleedingrose did one like this a while ago and I reread it all the time it's so good (along with literally everything else she writes) you can read it here
Warnings: none
Rhysand
He would be working when you come into his office and youâd innocently start rubbing his shoulders
Your hands go lower and lower until you shove your frozen fingers down his shirt
Rhys let out a small scream, âWhy are your hands always freezing!?â You let out a giggle as you rub them against his chest trying to soak up his warmth
He pulls your hands out from his shirt, leading you to sit on his lap
Your shivering at this point from the loss of heat which does not go unnoticed by your mate
âMy darling, youâre freezing come here.â You sit on his lap as Rhys pulls you into his chest. âA little.â
Rhys scoffs lifting you up going to sit by the fire. âWarm yet my love?â You pretend to think for a moment before shaking your head. âNope. I think we should go to bed and snuggle.â Rhys lets out a laugh kissing your forehead. âThat sounds like a great idea darling.â
Cassian
Cass is just minding is business making a snack in the kitchen when you sneak up behind him
You plaster your hands on the back of his neck and he drops whatâs in his hands letting out a shocked sound
Cassian pulled away and turned to look at your silly smile
âWhy!? And why are you always so gods damned cold?â You let out a loud laugh and move to shove your hands up his shirt
You hug him and keep your hands against his warm skin. Cassian hugs you, rubbing your back to warm you up. âWhy donât we go snuggle on the couch, Iâll make hot cocoa too.â
You let out a hum, âthat sounds perfect.â Cass shoos you away so he can make your drinks and snack
Azriel
Az would know when you're sneaking up on him thanks to his shadows
He lets you get close but at the last second Azriel spins around and grabs your wrists. You let out a squeal of surprise as your mate pulls you into his chest
"You will not get me with those icicles you call hands again." He says laughing with you as you try to break free from Az's grip
"But Azzy! I'm cold and need you to warm me up." You give him a fake pout while trying to hold back your laughter
Az lets out an exaggerated sigh, "Fine. I guess we should go upstairs and get you bundled up." "Can I have your hoodie that I love?" "Of course you can." He says placing a soft kiss on your head
Lucien
Lu is so unbothered by your cold hands so he always lets you grab at him
He just raises his body temp more making it so you're suuper warm
He hates that you get so cold. While you make jokes about it he is genuinely concered becuase no one should be that cold all the time
When you do come up to him Lucien insists you snuggle on the couch
You lay on top of him and Lucien wraps you up in a blanet, using his powers to become your personal heater
Usually you end up falling asleep perfectly toasty
Eris
Eris just lets you put your hands up his shirt and your hands wander all over his torso
He just looks down at you with a fake annoyed look
You smile at him knowing that he's worried about you and your cold hands
He carefully removes your hands bringing them up to his mouth leaving soft kisses across the back of your hands
"Here my love." Eris whispered, encasing your hands in his, warming them with his powers
You lean into Eris to absorb more warmth
The lordling kisses the crown of your head lightly whsipering sweet nothings
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Perfectly Fine
[Keigo Takami x Female!Reader]
Synopsis: Hawks plays off that everything is âperfectly fine,â but you know better than to believe him.
WC: 2186
Category: Hurt/Comfort, Soft!Reader, Slight Angst
I donât know why Iâm so obsessed with Hawks and angst, I blame Conan Gray being stuck in my head 24/7, but here you go! đđ
ăâąâąââąâąă
You knew he wasn't okay.
You saw him every day. You spent more time with him than anyone else in his life. He had always been so bright and so positive that it was jarring when you realized just how exhausted he truly was.
He tried. He tried so hard. He was smiling and making jokes like normal. It was so hard not to get caught up in his infectious positivity. But you knew him well enough to see through it all.
And his eyes said it all.
They weren't as bright and golden as they normally were. They looked dim. The dark circles underneath were a clear indication that he hadn't been sleeping well latelyâor at all.
This was the one thing you absolutely despised about Keigo. His independence was a good aspect to have for a pro-hero, but not when it was detrimental to his own health.
He was always doing things on his own. He was a people pleaser, so of course, he didn't want to ask for help. It was his problem, so he'd handle it himself.
And you wished you could just knock some sense into that bird brain of his.
The last straw was when he came home in the middle of the night, completely disheveled, and collapsed on the couch.
It wasn't uncommon for him to come home late, and you were usually already asleep, but tonight was different. Tonight, you were still awake.
And it was almost 3 am.
You had heard him enter the house. You were about to get up to greet him, but his heavy footsteps had paused at the doorway. The silence continued for a few seconds until you heard him stumble and collapse onto the couch.
You got up immediately and rushed into the living room. Your heart broke at the sight of him.
He was sitting on the floor with his back on the couch. He had taken off his jacket and boots. His wings were limp, and the feathers were ruffled and messy. His head was in his hands, and his hair was an absolute mess.
"Keigo," you whispered, walking up to him.
You had a million questions going through your mind, but you were also worried he was hurt, so you decided to keep it simple.
"Are you okay?"
He didn't move. Not even his wings.
He did speak, however, but you wished he hadn't.
"Perfectly fine."
The words were like poison. His tone was so cold, so dark, so unlike him. You hated it. You had to force yourself not to recoil in disgust.
Just as he said those words, he made himself even worse by letting out a dry, humorless chuckle. It was so unnatural and wrong coming from him.
It scared you. It angered you. You couldn't understand how he could be like this.
You knelt down in front of him, placing your hands over his.
"Keigo," you murmured. "Iâm begging you. Please don't do this."
"Do what?" His eyes met yours, completely focused. It was almost unnerving. "What am I doing?"
"You're pushing me away," you stated, trying to keep your voice from cracking. "Again."
His gaze lingered for a few moments before his eyes trailed to the floor. He let out a sigh, sounding almost irritated.
"I told you, I'm fine," he muttered, his expression hardening. "You should get some sleep."
His tone was much harsher than before, and it was beginning to frustrate you.
"I can't do that," you whispered.
"Why not?"
"Because I can't, Keigo," you said, your voice rising. "You make it so⊠so difficult for me to just sit back and watch you do this. You keep saying that everything is fine, but it isn't. It's not. You know it's not."
He was silent, and you were beginning to think that he was refusing to respond to you.
"You've been coming home at weird hours, and you don't even try to hide the fact that you're exhausted. Your eyes have bags under them, and your wings are a complete mess. You look so pale, Keigo."
"Iâmâ"
"If you say you're fine one more time," your voice was trembling, and your eyes were starting to burn. "I swear, I will throw myself out of this window."
That made a small smile creep onto his face. It wasnât genuine, but it was a start.
"As much as I love pancakes, you know I wouldnât let you go through with that," he said, his tone becoming lighter.
You didn't hesitate.
"Then why are you making me go through with this?"
You didn't miss the small flinch he did. If youâd been in this situation a couple of years ago, you wouldâve missed it.
But not anymore. You knew him better than anyone.
"Weâre supposed to be partners, remember? Youâre a harder book to read, Keigo, and Iâm sorry Iâm too easy for you, but we should be able to trust each other."
He only looked down and let out a sigh. He was trying so hard to keep his composure, but his emotions were beginning to break through.
You reached forward and gently placed your hand on his cheek, turning his face so he would look at you.
"And if something is bothering you, you should want to tell me. But I canât help but feel like I'm not good enough to be someone you can confide in because if you did, then maybe you wouldn't look like this right now." You brushed a lock of his golden hair away from his forehead.
He looked so tired. So defeated.
And he was. You could tell by the look in his eyes that he was struggling with himself. It was as if he were weighing his options.
Stay silent or talk to you.
Stay strong or admit his weakness.
You wanted him to choose the latter. You needed him to choose the latter. If he was going to keep pretending everything was fine, your heart couldnât take it.
A moment of silence passed, and then two, and then three. It was like an eternity had gone by.
Then, finally, the room was filled with his deep, shaky exhale. The environment changed. The air was thicker. You felt the tension and the stress and the sadness.
"I'm not the person you deserve."
It was such a simple phrase, but you were stunned. He sounded so broken, and you didnât understand why.
"I don't deserve you," he repeated, his voice barely a whisper. âI never did."
You were just speechless. You were expecting his troubles to be something along the lines of work or the Hero Public Safety Commission. It probably still is, but you werenât expecting him to feel⊠insecure about himself.
"ThatâsâŠ" You shook your head. "No, Keigo, that's not true. Why would you think that?"
"Why wouldn't I think that?"
He didn't wait for your response.
"I'm too focused on being a hero," he started, his expression hardening again. "I'm always out. I'm never here. Sure, I kidnap you and make you my hostage every once in a while, but even then, I'm always thinking about work. Always thinking about how I can save more people. I'm always busy, and when I'm not, I'm exhausted."
His hands tightened into fists.
"You deserve someone who can be here with you all the time. Someone who can take the time to actually appreciate you, not just a text here and there, or a quick phone call, or a stupid note. You deserve someone who doesnât have to leave the house before the sun even rises."
Your eyes were beginning to water, and you tried not to sniffle, but it was becoming more and more difficult to control yourself.
"You deserve a life where you can relax. You deserve someone who you know is always going to be there when you need it. I can't be that for you, and it's frustrating because I really wish I could."
"Oh, Takami," you whispered, pulling him towards you.
His arms wrapped around your waist, and his face was buried in the crook of your neck. He was holding onto you as if he were hanging on for dear life.
"I hate being like this." His voice was muffled, but you could still hear the disgust in his tone.
"Like what?"
"So pathetic," he grumbled. "I hate acting like a kid. Like an immature, needy little⊠little child."
He had trouble getting the last word out. You couldn't tell whether it was because he was frustrated or ashamed, or both.
"Hey," you whispered, running your fingers through his hair. It seemed to always soothe him. "Itâs not immaturity, and it definitely is not childish. Itâs just being human."
You could feel him let out a long, deep exhale.
"You are the Number 2 Pro-Hero. You're a very busy man. I knew it then, and I know it now. I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to be with you."
You paused, taking a deep breath.
"Yes, sometimes I get lonely, and I miss you, and it sucks. Sometimes, I want to lock you in the house and not let you leave until the end of the world, but that wouldn't be fair to your fangirls.â
That earned a small chuckle from him.
"And it wouldn't be fair to all those innocent people who need you too. I don't like having to share you with the entire city, but that's just the way it is, and it's something I knew I had to get used to."
His arms squeezed around your waist. You felt his warm breath on your neck, which made you shiver slightly.
"And it's not your fault, either. We will have times like these, where you're too busy, and we won't see each other for a while, but at the end of the day, I'm still going to be waiting for you. At the end of the day, weâll be perfectly fine."
"What a sap," he mumbled, though you could hear the smile in his voice.
"Hey! I'm trying to be romantic!" You playfully smacked his shoulder. "Be grateful."
He chuckled and pulled away from the embrace. You didn't want him to at first, but when you saw his expression, you smiled.
He was grinning. He was finally genuinely happy. There was a twinkle in his eye, and his wings were perked up. His feathers were starting to look much cleaner and fluffier. He was starting to look like his old self.
"I'll make a mental note of that," he replied, a mischievous smile tugging at his lips. "You are the cutest sap ever."
"Shut up." You rolled your eyes and let out a laugh. "Go to bed, bird boy."
"Wait, wait, wait, hold on," he said, holding his hands up. "You're not going to give me a good night kiss?"
You scoffed.
"And you say youâre not childish."
"No, seriously."
Before you could ask him what he meant, he grabbed your waist and pulled you onto his lap. Your arms instinctively went around his neck, and you squealed and caught off guard.
"Hey!" You protested, trying to glare at him, but it was hard to do when he was looking at you with such adoration.
"C'mere," he hummed, resting his forehead against yours. "Let's see how good of a kisser you really are."
"Okay, no, let's not," you said, leaning away from him. "That was awful. That was worse than awful."
"Oh, c'mon!" He chuckled, his eyes full of amusement. "I've been waiting to use that for ages."
"Well, don't," you said, shaking your head. "That just made me want to turn into a pancake even more."
"Itâs too bad we don't have syrup," he joked, giving you a quick wink. "Guess I'll have to improvise."
"That's it," you said, trying to push him away, but he only laughed and pulled you closer.
"Stop trying to avoid the inevitable, darling," he murmured, his eyes meeting yours.
"Please don't say anything else," you begged, your face growing warm. "Please. I'm not kidding, Takami."
"Neither am I."
And this⊠This was what everything was worth.
Keigo looked so content. He was happy. He was relaxed. He wasn't thinking about anything but this moment. He wasn't overthinking things. He wasn't forcing himself to stay positive.
He was just being him, finally. The rest of the night the discussion wasnât brought up again, and it didnât need to. You both knew exactly what the other was thinking⊠feeling. And sure, thereâs no doubt thereâll be another time when he will be stressed out again, overworking himself and pushing himself too hard, but you would be there to pull him back down.
You would be there to remind him that everything would be okay and that no matter how hard he tries to fix it all on his own, you would simply remind him that he doesnât have to do that anymore.
He doesnât need to keep hiding behind that smile; the only smile he should ever have is the real one.
The one where he truly is perfectly fine.
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what do you think about azriel x reader that has daddy issues, like she does small things to try to make him proud and at first he thinks sheâs just being cute but he realizes the depth and her need for praise and whatâs going on and just reassures her. like he immediately knew why reader was so attached to him when they first met, and he just took on the role as her provider and protectorđ§ââïžiâm just literally projectingđ
reader with daddy issues in a relationship with az
azriel x reader
a/n: this is not exactly what you ask for, but my mind clang to this scene very fiercely. maybe not entirely daddy issues, but definitely issues ig. ps; i plan to write a headcanons burb about this.
â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â
You and Azriel had been seeing each other for a while now. Though he was falling more and more in love with you with every passing day, and so were you, deep down, you felt like you were also growing attached to him in a very particular way.
You tried not to look too deeply into your heart, to avoid understanding the needs that only your partner seemed able to satisfy.
Things like the constant reassurance of his touchâwhether it was holding hands, tracing patterns on your back lovingly, or caressing your thigh when you were at dinner. Anything that involved his familiar, scarred hands touching your skinâyou needed it.
You guessed it was because what you truly needed was to know he was there with you. Azriel, the male who protected you as if it were his sole dutyâyou needed to be certain he was with you.
Because of this, you had grown accustomed to his words of love. You always had a voice in your head asking, âWhy does he take such good care of you? Why would he choose to love and protect you?â And that voice could only be silenced by his sweet words.
âI love you, Y/N. I love you so much, I donât even know who Iâd be without you. I wouldnât even want to be someone, I think,â heâd tell you as he hugged you tight.
âThat was impressive, Y/N. How did I ever get so lucky that the best Valkyrie noticed me?â heâd ask.
âYou are doing great, love.â
âYou are so talented.â
âWhat did I even do to deserve you?â
âIâm so proud of you, Y/N.â
Those words he would say, you repeated in your mind like a mantra, rejoicing in the memory of him saying them.
But the joy of his love wasnât enough to make your worry disappear. And so, you kept growing more concerned about him noticing your neediness.
And your biggest fear finally came true one night at dinner...
âHello? Y/N?â you heard Azrielâs voice from the kitchen, where you were cooking a special dinner for him.
âHere!â You heard his tired footsteps follow your voice. âHi, Azzie, how was the mission?â you asked sweetly when he leaned in to peck your cheek.
âGood, I guess,â he said weakly, but then he peeked from where he rested his head on your shoulder at what you were cooking. âThatâs my favorite,â he mumbled, as if talking to himself.
You smiled sweetly and stopped stirring the soup to turn to your mate. âIt is.â
He returned your smile, but there was a genuine sweetness that could only be found in an innocent child. âI love you,â he whispered.
You flushed, looking down at your feet at the sound of those words.
But he went on, pulling your chin up so you met his eyes. âYou are too good to me. Too good for me.â
No, you were not.
âI love you,â he concluded.
I love you.
He didnât. He didnât. You just made soup. It probably wasnât even good. Heâd probably hate it. But he was too kind to tell you it was terrible. Just like he was too kind to tell you he didnât actually love you. He didnât. The soup was terrible.
âY/N,â he whispered, wiping something wet from your cheek. âMy love, what did I say? Why are you crying?â
Oh.
You were crying. âWhat?â you blurted. âNothing. Itâs probably the onions.â
He didnât buy it one bit. And though to be loved was to be known, you only found fear in your mate knowing every bit of your soul just by looking at you the way he was watching you now.
âY/N. You... Is this because of what I said? What I say?â You didnât dare reply, so he continued. âI see your face change every time I tell you I love you or praise you. Or when IâŠâ He sighed and brushed his hair back. âI donât know.â
More tears were running down your cheeks. You hated seeing him so defeated and knowing it was your fault. âIâm sorry.â
He met your crying eyes in an instant. âDonât. Love, donât be sorry. Iâm not mad, and you did nothing wrong. Itâs justâI want to understand you.â He put his hand back on your cheek as if he knew how much you needed it there. You immediately leaned into the warm touch and saw how his eyes registered your reaction.
He knew. By the way he assessed you, you knew he had already figured you out. And to your surprise, the thought made you feel free.
So free that before you could think about it, your mouth was speaking of its own accord. âItâs the way I need to feel love. Itâs rare,â you said, embarrassed. âYou surely must have noticed it already. The way I need certain things from youâŠâ
âTouch,â he said softly, and you werenât sure if he was asking or simply reflecting on memories that proved what you were saying.
âYes. Or having you around the house most of the time. Or⊠words of affirmation.â You were sure your face was wholly red, but, on the contrary, Azriel was all ears, no trace of judgment in his honest eyes. âI can't help but balk at your confessions, butâI⊠I love them deep down. Most of the time, I need to hear them. Itâs... Itâs terrible. Iâm just very⊠needy.â
You wanted to run out of the room.
âI understand,â he said tenderly. âAnd this is nothing to be embarrassed about. Everybody has different ways they want to be loved.â
Oh.
âItâs a relief you actually like when I tell you those things. And that you love to be near me so much. Because I want to give you that, Y/N. I want to do everything you need to feel my love for you,â he explained gently.
You were left speechless.
âBut know one thingâI love you no matter what, and despite everything. If you donât have my hand to hold someday, I want you to still be certain I love you. If I donât praise you someday, I want you to know you are brilliant. And if someday I donât tell you how much I love youâGods forbid that happensâknow my feelings for you are just as strong.â
You were a sea of tears at that point. âPlease promise me,â he asked.
âPromise you what?â you mumbled weakly.
âPromise me that, at every turn, youâll know I love you. Promise me, Y/N.â
-Characters by Sarah J Maas
HEY! IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU CAN CHECK OUT MY AZRIEL MASTERLIST HERE <3
and you can also request any fic idea you have through my inbox so i can write it down :)) i much appreciate requests for azriel and other acotar characters
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hihi!! perhaps mayhaps enhypen ot6 (still kinda feel weird reading smut on ni-ki đâïž) catching yn masturbating to them (e.g. sees yn with a photo of them or like ,, yn moaning out their name,etc)
iâm gonna write this as hyung line since itâs who I mostly write smut for, hope thatâs okay! and yeah no I wonât ever write smut for niki. itâs never happening đ
đ»ââïž
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ââ§âËâ§[ HEESEUNG ]â§Ëââ§
he would be completely floored. homie would be minding his business, playing a round of LOL with his friends and swearing up and down he kept hearing his name being called. eventually removing one of the earmuffs from his ear to be correct, he was hearing his name being called, coming from you more specifically.
heeseung would quickly stand up and make his way to your room filled with worry thinking something was wrong. but would stop dead in his tracks seeing your bedroom door is cracked open and hearing your lewd sounds coming from the other side of the door. heeseung would peak inside, carefully pushing the door open to seeing you sprawled out on your bed, legs spread so wide and your fingers pumping in and out of your wet cunt quickly, heeseungâs name spilling from your lips in gasped moans, chanting it over and over. heeseung would get hard immediately, his face and ears turning a bright red. loving how you look as you moan out his name. itâs clear that you want him, and oh god he wanted you too. heeseung could interrupt right now, but deciding against it. you looked way to sexy to him to just stop you. heeseung would lean against the doorframe and pull his shorts down past his hips until his hard cock was set free, his hand pumping himself to the same rhythm as your fingers pushing in and out of you. he would eventually lose himself, letting out gasped moans of your name, nearly scaring you to death after finally noticing him, your door now wide open as heeseung slid to the floor, resting his back to your bedroom wall, âdonât stop baby,â he groans, âkeep touching yourself for me, Iâm so closeâŠplease. wanna see you cum with me.â how could you say no?
ââ§âËâ§[ JAY ]â§Ëââ§
jay wouldnât be shocked at all most since he would always walk around your shared apartment without a shirt on, always making you so weak in the knees for your roommate. mostly after he finishes showering and has his hair all wet and sticking to his forehead with nothing covering him but a thin towel and seeing the outline of his cock as he quickly walks to his bedroom to get dressed. how could you not touch yourself after seeing that? mostly when itâs a daily occurrence in this apartment. hell, one time he walked back to the bathroom and tied the towel just below his hips to quickly slick his hair back and left the bathroom door openâŠhow could you not snap a quick pic with your phone? it was a godly sight. one to burn into your memory. so obviously youâd use that photo to masturbate in the safety of your roomâŠwhen jay wasnât home. except one day he came home early and you didnât hear him walk in. you left your door wide open, being completely naked on your bed and legs spread apart as your fingers pushed inside you, your free hand holding your phone with the photo of jay and you moaning out his name. of course jay hearing this peaked his curiosity, him snooping to your bedroom and seeing the sight before him, eyes glueing to your slick that spilled from your cunt and pooling at your sheets, eyes eventually moving up to your naked body and then seeing the photo of your phone. you nearly jumped out your skin at feeling jayâs hand wrap around your wrist. he smirked at you, âwhy did you stop? go on, continue. had no problem fucking yourself to a half naked photo of me, might as well do it with me right here.â jay pinned your hand down to your bed, his free hand shoving down his shorts and taking his cock in hand, âcome on now pretty, donât stop.â you obeyed.
ââ§âËâ§[ JAKE ]â§Ëââ§
homie wouldnât know what to do after catching you. heâd be so embarrassed for snooping on you time and time again after the first time but not being able to get enough of hearing how beautifully his name slid from between your lips as you touch yourself. jake would lean against the wall outside your room and fuck up into his fist, biting his tongue to keep from screaming out your name. eventually jake wouldnât be able to keep quiet anymore, needing to physically see you fuck yourself instead of just hearing it through the thin wall between your two bedrooms or outside your door. jake would be so far gone that he wouldnât think twice from standing up off the floor and quickly opening your bedroom door, loving that the first thing he sees is your cunt on full display for him, your fingers knuckles deep inside. youâd quickly try and cover yourself, ready to yell at him for being such a pervert until he rushes in and lays down beside you, already making work of pushing off his jeans and positioning his cock in hand, âmasturbate with me honey,â he says, making direct eye contact, âyou had zero problem moaning my name for weeks. I wanna hear you scream my name as you cum, Iâll cum with you,â jake would start to pump himself, mouth slack as he kept looking into your eyes, âfuck youâre so pretty, touch yourself for me honey, moan my name.â jake looked way to hot like this to not continue pushing your fingers in and out your cunt. both of you were a moaning mess until a mixture of both your cum stained your bedsheets.
ââ§âËâ§[ SUNGHOON ]â§Ëââ§
home boy would be on such a power trip hearing you moan out his name in the middle of the night as you touch yourself. heâd be laying in bed smirking so fucking hard at the pure fact he doesnât even have to be the one touching you to get you screaming out his name. sunghoon would be confused at first, thinking he was just hearing things and eventually drifting off to sleep until he heard you moan out his name and he knew he wasnât hearing things. you indeed were moaning his name while you masturbated. it would give sunghoon such an ego boost. he already knew he was hot shit, but after hearing your pretty voice scream for him? it only made it worse. sunghoon would also be so fucking turned on by it. he couldnât lie and say he never jerked himself off to you, he was very much attracted to you, he just didnât think you felt the same and now that he knows you do, you arenât safe from him. sunghoon would quickly pull himself out of bed and make his way to your bedroom, pressing his ear gently to the wood of your door, waiting to confirm you are indeed still moaning out his name. once that confirmation was cleared, he wouldnât hesitate to just open your door, crossing his arms and smirking at how you look on your bed, completely naked as you continued to fuck yourself, staring deeply into his eyes. you were so close to finishing and even though you were embarrassed to have been caught, your need to cum outweighed it. âhow cute,â he coos, âgetting caught moaning my name and still going? thatâs so fucking hot,â he would then make his way into your bedroom, towering over you and sliding his hand on top of yours, helping you push your fingers inside your cunt faster, âlooks like you need some help, princess. Iâll make you cum hard, donât worry.
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Lin Kuei Bros: Play Fighting
Smoke so dramatic-. Anyway, donât ask why I thought of this. The voices were loud
Bi-Han
Play fighting with any of them is bold as fuck but HIM? You don't like your lifeÂ
I'm not saying he's gonna straight up assault you but out of all the brothers, he has the highest chance of hitting you hard as shit on accidentÂ
He probably wouldn't even like play fighting that much. He'd prefer sparring cause at least you're working on your skills. Why you just fucking around?
You gotta catch him on the right day. Some days he's busy and some days he's just legit not in the mood.Â
âImma start it off slow. Imma scope the scenery out-â
If you somehow get this man to cooperate, first of all good job. Second of all, y'all do not stop until you give up.Â
The type to pin you down and not let go until you admit he won. If you refuse, you're legit not moving.Â
This is a big guy so you're not moving him. You give up, he lets go and you manage to crack a smile out of him
We never see him smile in the game but listen bitch, I'm here for the fantasy-
If he's not in the mood, I can see him just saying ânoâ like you're a puppy or smth.Â
You'd go to swing on him again and he'd either grab your hand or give you a look that tells you he's being seriousÂ
Going back to him accidentally hitting you hard as shit, he's used to sparring with two other buff ass men. Imma guess you're not as buff as them, and some of y'all reading this ain't men. Accidents are bound to happenÂ
You'd think the Grandmaster would have more control but I just think it slips sometimes. He's stupidly prideful and he's used to sparring so sometimes that's where his mind goes. Also once again, he probably sometimes forgets a hit Kuai Liang could handle is a hit that'll take years off your life.Â
I would love to say he gets on his knees and apologizes but this is the same man who betrayed his brothers and was like âwhy y'all tweaking?â so umâŠÂ
You're gasping for air and he's âsee why I always say no?â
I feel like I'm making him sound abusive but as someone who's play fought with my older siblings, they hit you hard as shit then tell you you're a bitch when a tear slips out. Why the fuck are you hitting me this hard in my chest? You got 5+ years on me-
He's an older brother. He's gonna hit hard. I swear it's in their DNAÂ
And if he does apologize it's not really verbal. He checks to make sure your limbs are alright then offers to do something else.Â
âAre you gonna say you're sorry?â âFor?â âFor almost breaking my damn lungâ âYou started thisâ
You'd expect that the next time you wanna play fight he'd decline cause he doesn't wanna hurt you again. Wrong.Â
Remember he's an older brother. THE older brother. Y'all squaring up again. You don't care about your health so fuck it.Â
Honestly would be super fun besides the limb you're gonna loseÂ
Kuai Liang
Would be more cooperative than Bi-Han but still isn't overly excited to play fightÂ
Bi-Han is the âtell mom. I don't careâ older brother. Kuai Liang is the âwait wait wait, I'm sorry. You can hit me back. Calm down. You want some candy?â older brotherÂ
Fully aware he could cause terrible injuries but as time passes on, he relaxes moreÂ
Definitely play fought as a kid but after Tomas started jumping everytime he heard his voice, he thought âmaybe I need new hobbiesâ.
Youâve interrupted his recovery
He actively focuses on holding back and being soft even if you tell him not to
âHit me harderâ âNoâ€â
Honestly a fun time though. He holds back when it comes to strength but still tussles with you. Also let's you get hits in even when he could easily dodge them.Â
If he accidentally injured you frfr, he's checking up on you immediately and says y'all stopping for today.Â
âNo, I'm okâ âCan you even breathe right now?â âUhhh⊠yesđâ âWe're doneâ
For sure feels like an asshole depending on how bad you're hurt. He's not sliding down the wall in pain but he's like âdamn, that was a little too hardâ.Â
âYou can hit me backâ âNo. I've seen Twilightâ âWhat?â âIt's gonna hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you. I'm not doing thatâ. (Now I wanna write you making them watch Twilight. I'm never gonna be rid of this addiction-)
You gotta hit him back so y'all can be even. It's the only way to move on
Y'all are not doing that shit again for at least another week or so.Â
âWe gotta scrap right here right nowâ âNoâ
Does the thing older siblings do when they put their hand on your head so when you swing at them, you're just hitting air.Â
It's so infuriating so you gotta stop.Â
The next time though, you swear you're gonna win. You will not.Â
Tomas Vrbada
The most willing and having the most funÂ
Tomas has two older brothers that probably jumped him on several occasions growing up and you're gonna try and convince me he doesn't have aggression to get out?
People would probably expect he's the softest but no. He's the youngest. As the youngest myself I can assure you, we are used to putting our all in these fights cause we gotta use all our strength to defeat these evil mfs we live with. Sometimes it's not enough-
You're not his older sibling so he's not scrapping like his life depends on it but I do think he's hitting somewhat hardÂ
Not as hard as Bi-Han, not as soft as Kuai LiangÂ
You feel his hits but it's not knocking the wind outta youÂ
Super fun cause he's also using the environment. Definitely is grabbing a pillow and starts swinging it at you. Definitely is running around the couch to chase you. Definitely has thrown you but made sure to aim at something soft. He's probably even turned off the lights then threw a folded blanket at youÂ
âCheaterâ âDon't be upset you didn't think of it firstâ
You're fighting but laughing at the same time. There's no real tension. Just fucking around.Â
Probably starts initiating it too
If he does injure you fr, for a split second he'd actually see it as a victory then he'd remember you're not his older brothers and is like âoh shit-â.Â
Injuring those two would mean freedom (or a worse jumping. really depends), injuring you is not good.Â
He knows how bad those hits can hurt so he makes sure you're alright. He's not watching you as much as Kuai Liang would but he'd still make sure you're not overly sore.Â
He doesn't feel as bad as Kuai Liang would cause he kinda knows this shit happens. Kuai Liang kinda got a little bit of guilt cause Tomas gets into a fighting stance when he raises his hand up. Tomas hasn't victimized anyone so he's more chill about these situations đ
Tells you random ass stories about when he used to play fight with his brothers.Â
âOne time Bi-Han threw me in the air and Kuai Liang jumped to catch me only to throw me against the wallâ
âThis reminds me of when Bi-Han swept my feet from under me and Kuai Liang jumped on meâ
âWhat is it called when someone jumps on you elbow first?â
âThis one time I woke up to them standing over me. I knew it was a wrapâ
âOne time Bi-Han slapped the back of my neck so hard, it was red for at least a weekâ
âOne time Kuai Liang-â âTomas⊠you need a therapistâ âI don't think that's what it isâ
Unlike Kuai Liang who makes you wait, he's cool with scrapping days later.Â
Actually says âtime outâ when he wants a break. Also says âtime inâ fast as fuck though to catch you off guardÂ
Legit the most fun brother. I don't make the rules (except I do).Â
I did not mean to write the least for Kuai Liang but I was really brain empty for him. Yâall should give me ideas, thanks bookie
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Merry bday! A continuation of Enola Holmes marrying the viscount of Basilweather would be really cool đ
a continuation of 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
She wrinkles her nose when Tewksbury passes over her cup of tea with two sugars, unstirred, and she knows.
She puts down the cup too quickly, blood pounding in her ears, and Tewksbury frowns, reaching for her hand. "Enola?"
"Got to go," she says, pushing herself to standing, almost just leaves him sitting there, hand outstretched, but he's her husband and she loves him, so she darts over to smack a kiss on his lips before she's running for the door.
"Enola!" he calls out again, but now he sounds less worried and more exasperated, which is better, which is good. There's nothing for him to worry about.
She wants her mother, who's banned from London and is causing political unrest in Southern France currently, or Edith, who's doing something clever and illegal in Scotland. She'd take Victoria, but Mycroft will be there, and he's the last person she wants to see right now. Sherlock, while beloved, is useless, but his boy is a doctor.
She drops in at 221B Baker Street, picking the lock like always, and is relieved that Sherlock is still asleep and decides not to have any opinions on the various bones scattered about the kitchen table. She assumes there's a reasonable explanation for them.
"Oh, Enola!" John grins and shoves some femurs to the side to make space at the table. "Here, join me, would you like some oatmeal? Are you looking for your brother? I can wake him-"
"I'm pregnant," she blurts out, then bites her bottom lip.
John blinks once, then twice, then says with a gentleness that had made her like him in the first place - because Sherlock wanted to be gentle, but was quite bad at it, so someone had to teach him - "This is what you wanted, isn't it?"
Wanted seems like not the correct word, although of course it is, because she and Tewksbury had been, not trying, but not-not trying, which probably amounted to the same thing, considering how often they - well.
"I can fix it," he says, voice low and serious, "if it's something that needs to be fixed."
Enola lets out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. "No. No, it doesn't need to be fixed."
She loves that he offered. She loves John, more her brother than Mycroft will ever be, sometimes even more her brother than Sherlock is. If nothing else, her brothers had picked their partners well. Victoria and John are a delight.
John is the functional one between them, explosions and skeletons notwithstanding. John is the one that coaxed her brother into a proper relationship and John is the one that knew they were like parents to all the Irregulars and John isn't normal but he grew up normal.
"Are you worried something's wrong?" he asks. "I can look you over."
"No," she says, although, "I mean, yes, that'd be nice because Tewksbury will go spare, but no, I'm not worried anything's wrong."
He leans back in his chair, looking her over, and after almost ten years of dealing with her and Sherlock and even occasionally Mycroft he can read them almost as well as they can read everyone else.
"It's alright to be scared," he says finally. "Lots of women are when they find out, even when it's wanted, even when the baby's healthy."
"I'm not scared," she says, but for the first time her words feel like a lie. "I shouldn't be scared. What do I have to be scared of?"
She wishes her mother was here.
Will her children miss her like this too?
Sometimes she misses her mother even when she's right in front of her, and if nothing else, she's her mother's daughter.
John gets to his feet, stand in front of her, and opens his arms. She looks away even as she steps forward, like if she doesn't look at him when she does it then it doesn't count as weakness.
His arms close around her. He smells like chai and antiseptic and it's only years of association that make the combination comforting. "I can't wait to be an uncle."
He'll be an uncle. Sherlock will be an uncle. Even Mycroft, and Victoria will be delighted to be an aunt, and to raise her children with Enola's. Of course there's her mother-in-law, and Tewksbury's uncle, who have been angling for her to have a child from the day they married.
There's Tewksbury, who loves her, who isn't going to die on her or leave her if either of them have anything to say about it, who isn't going to leave her to raise their children the way her mother raised her.
Alone.
She's been saying she wasn't going to do this alone from the beginning, but standing here in Sherlock's kitchen, with John holding her steady, she really believes it.
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hey i was wondering if you can write about matt trying to make reader feel better after her grandma's death, cause she was so attached to her being the only loving and supportive member of her family with her so many daddy issues (i realized how badly i need therapy after writing this đ)
how did it end? - m.s
in which: matt helps his girlfriend through the loss of her grandmother.
this story contains: death of a family member, fluff, comforting, crying, bf!matt.
written by : @delilahsturniolo
âIt's happenin' again, how did it end?â
âI can't pretend like I understand, how did it end?â
____________________________________________
I scrolled through my phone, laying my head on my pillow as I swiped through photos my me and my grandma. She passed away about a week ago, it was so unexpected.
She was the person who truly understood me. She used to read me bedtime stories when I was little, we used to bake brownies together, not without making a huge mess though.
She was a great woman, with a kind heart. She was willing to help anyone anytime.
I frowned as warm tears pooled in my eyes, threatening to spill out.
The funeral was horrible for me. I was a sobbing mess, if Matt wasnât there with me I wouldâve for sure lost it.
Matt was filming a car video with his brothers. He was hesitant about leaving me and my grieving thoughts by myself, but I insisted he went.
All I could think about was my grandma. She hadnât left my mind once.
Coming from a broken home, my grandma was the only person who truly, genuinely cared about me in my family. It felt surreal losing her, thatâs the absolute last thing I thought would happen.
My thoughts were interrupted by my room door opening. I wiped my tears messily and sat up, Matt peeked through the doorway.
âHi baby, weâre back.â He smiled, entering my room. The bed dipped as Matt sat down in front of me.
His face froze as I silently sniffled. âAre..are you crying?â Matt whispered. I hid my face with my hands.
Matt gently took my wrists and pulled my hands off my face. He grabbed my chin and made me look up at him. âBaby? Whatâs going on?â Matt whispered, wiping my tears with his thumb.
âI..I miss her.â I croaked out between my tears, my voice cracking with pain and sorrow. Matt immediately knew who I was talking about, and didnât hesitate to wrap his arms around me, engulfing me in a warm, comforting hug.
âShh, shh. I know sweetheart, I know.â Matt whispered soothingly into my ear. I felt my tense body relax in his arms, my tears stained Mattâs shirt but he didnât care one bit.
A sob escaped my throat. âW-why did that have to happen? Out of all people why her? I-I donât understand..â I cried, Matt rubbed my back in circles.
âSh, sh..look at me baby.â Matt pulled away from the hug and cupped my face. I looked him in the eye as he wiped some of my stray tears with his thumbs.
âItâs not your fault, none of this is okay? SometimesâŠthings like this just happen. Itâs not easy to go through, but eventually things get better.â Matt spoke to me in a soft tone, his hand resting on my cheek.
âWhat if it doesnât?â I whispered. Mattâs face softened and he shook his head.
âI promise you, things will get easier. Iâll help you through it. Your grandma is watching down at you, and I can tell you right now she is so proud of you. I promise you itâs going to be okay. Itâs alright to feel this way, youâre only human after all.â Matt reassured me gently.
I nodded, sniffling as Matt swiped away the rest of my tears quickly.
âLetâs take it easy for tonight okay? We could watch a movie maybe?â Matt asked me.
âThat sounds amazing.â I smiled, making Matt grin.
âThereâs that pretty smile!â Matt emphasized. I giggled and slowly leaned in to kiss him.
Our lips connected as we shared a slow, and loving kiss. Eventually I pulled away, looking into Mattâs vibrant blue eyes.
âI love you, Matt. Thank you.â I said.
âDonât thank me, sweetheart. Itâs what Iâm here for. I love you so much more.â Matt replied, reaching over and tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.
We laid down, my head rested on Mattâs chest as I grabbed the remote and selected a movie. I relaxed as Mattâs hands ran through my hair in a soothing motion.
About an hour into the movie, I shut my eyes, letting the exhaustion from the day take over as I drifted off.
âBaby?â Matt whispered, noticing my limp body that laid on top of his. He noticed I was asleep and turned the TV off, adjusting his position on the bed before pressing a light kiss on my forehead. He wrapped his arms around me before closing his eyes and falling asleep himself.
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taglist:
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broken, pt. 1 (3tan) | myg
title: broken (pt. 1)
pairing: 3tan!yoongi x reader(f)
series:masterlist | three tangerines | fireworks | house party | basketball | stay | sidewalk talk | friends | dalo | like that | anytime | sundress season | yoongiâs interlude | forfeit | flutter | video call | busted
rating/genre: m (18+) ; angst , fluff ; brotherâs best friend au, implied age gap au
summary: chilling conversations prolong things even further⊠until everything goes to hell.
note: this is only one half of what was supposed to be a whole chapter! broken, pt. 2 will come out after i've had time to make it something i'm proud of. trying to rush everything out didn't do any favors, so hilariously and ironically, broken is broken up into two hahaha.
warnings: language, angst, tension, yoongiâs pov is longgg, alcohol consumption, tobacco mentions, brođ„Č, yoongi in the studiođ©, the studio boys make another appearanceđ, âŠsomeone else makes their first appearanceđđ, scuffles, tense situations, did i say angst?, water bottles get their own warning, long hair yoongi, basketball yoongiđ« , crying, bro a ha ha, jimin has tats and heâs not afraid to show them, the chains stay on(???), âŠbad boy yoongiđđ, honestly he is on another level of warning here donât perceive međ, the fluff is fluffing here like what, backstory weâve been waiting forđ, yoongi on the phone, hand holding :â)), kissing :â)), oh god the kissingâ€ïžâđ©č, thereâs just a lot in both parts i'm sorry y'all
playlist: broken (lp)
drop date: dec 3rd, 2023, 4:00pm est
word count: ...19.1k đ¶ââïž
-
-
Words abandon you.
They stand far from your form, pitying observers of your decaying state in front of the man youâve been lying to. At once, you feel completely alone, not even Yoongiâs lingering presence helping when those eyes are piercing through time and space. Everything youâve experienced over the past two years slings across your vision, from the first time you left your house in the pouring rain to get to Yoongiâs, to the car ride back you just took with his kiss still on your lips.Â
All of those moments shattering into dust around your heels.Â
Your feet make lines in them when you move to close the front door, something leaving your mouth before you can judge if it makes sense, âAbout what?âÂ
Zero sense. Absolute zero sense. Which your brother has absolute zero patience for. The drone in his question hits you like a punch to the gut, âReally.âÂ
âJust out late, is all,â you grumble, trying your best to not acknowledge an atmosphere so tense itâs almost crowded. âJimin had another party, remember?âÂ
âCourse I do.â
Huh? Wait. Why does he sound soâ
âI was there.â
Dread launches up your veins, rocketing right to your heart in the middle of a pulse. He was there? You saw his car when Yoongi pulled up close to the house. He was there? When the fuck did he arrive? Oh, fuck, if he got there early enough⊠did he see you⊠and YoongiâŠ
No. Thereâs no way. Because one, Yoongi parked far down and around the corner. He made sure not to be close just in case you two could be spotted.Â
With a thought you really cannot afford right now, you also assume he stayed that distance just so that he could pin you against his car. Fucking hell, focus! Upping the strength of your resolve to match cardboard, you lamely stall in your hunt for clarification, âYou were?âÂ
âI was.âÂ
The watch on his wrist glints in its twist. When aggravated veins stare back at you, itâs obvious your brother is on the edge. Because he is deathly calm. âSo whereâd you go?âÂ
You blink, not having expelled a single breath since you stepped foot inside.Â
Does he not know? Or does he know and heâs just waiting for you to finally spill? With all the hope in the universe, you yearn for it to be the first one. Because you cannot deal with a fallout right now. Not right after what happened with Yoongi.Â
Itâs just not the right time.Â
âYuriâs,â you blurt, finally kicking into gear and strategizing how youâre gonna finesse this. âShe came and got me.âÂ
Your sibling just stands there, eyes a solid beam before he sighs at clasped wrists.Â
Here it comes. Heâs gonna ask why you didnât say anything. Like he always does because for some reason youâre still not a true adult to him and he has to keep tabs on you at all times and you canât just sneak around with his best friend in peaceâ
âK.â Your eyes shake once. âJust tell me next time.âÂ
And just like that, your brother vacates the foyer, dark dress shoes clacking as he retreats back into his room. Leaving you standing in silence.Â
All the words around you just as speechless.Â
Just like that, youâre gone again.
After watching you leave and wishing you didnât have to, Yoongi shuts his door to rest ponderous thoughts on worn wood. Eyes closed and a storm on his mindâs horizon.
Just a little longer. He hopes youâll understand. This is just something he needs. More than anything else.Â
Exhausted, he peels himself from the door, meandering through the bog of his living room. Trudge, trudge, trudge to the dining table, skirting fingers along the edge and noting that it feels different than before.Â
At least something in his apartment has changed for the better.Â
Who wouldâve thought that table would witness both an end and a beginning. That it would see the worst and best of him. If it was ever called to stand, thereâs no doubt that it could recite all his failures and shortcomings. But he hopes that it would also attest to how much heâs fucking tried.Â
As much as Yoongi wants to throw it out, he hasnât. Because despite being withered to hell, all it needed to recover was the new company of a familiar face.Â
And a little bit of summer rain.Â
It watches as his thoughts move on, and soaks in the blues and pinks of sunrise as he crosses into the bedroom. At the feel of your lingering presence, Yoongi gnaws on his lip.Â
What the fuck does he do now? The moment you leave, he wants nothing more than to have you back in his bed. Itâs the one fact that he has come to fully acknowledge. Because there are many times youâve caught him slipping. But when youâre lost to your dreams? Visibly at peace and safe under his sheets? Thatâs when he canât even think straight.Â
How your serenity throws him into disarray, Yoongi has no fucking clue.
But he canât afford these feelings right now. Because how can he want you close while being the reason for this distance? Make it make sense. Donât be a fucking hypocrite. Tsking, Yoongi once again accepts the consequences, heading to his bathroom before going back the fuck to sleep.Â
Lies. Who is he kidding? Thereâs no way his rest will be the same without you. Especially since he doesnât know when heâll get to see you next.Â
There is a way to remedy that. To put an end to your time apart. But Yoongiâs been so in his fucking head that itâs chaining him down and pulling taut. No matter how much he struggles, he canât break free, and itâs driving him to the brink.
But last night? With you? Half moons mar his palms as he stands. Staring. Branding that whole memory into his heart.
After three months of questioning his existence.Â
All it took was your soft hums to give him a reason.Â
And you wonât ever know how much that meant to him. Not until Yoongi finally decides to tell you. Which will most likely be never. Maybe thatâs why this time tears at his chest more than all the others. Maybe thatâs why he stood in his doorway longer than usual. Maybe thatâs why he canât quite carry the weight in his chest.
Dumping himself on dark mountainsâcreations of his and your designâYoongi buries his face in those valleys. Inhales those aromas like some hit he can live off of for however many days left he needs.Â
Desperately grasping for a fading world where only you two exist. Drifting. Dreaming. Disarmed by a vibration on his nightstand.
The fuck.
Who is texting him this early. There are only a few people he has notifications on for wait itâs probably you saying youâre home.
Peeling himself off the sheets with a groan, Yoongi simply shifts his upper body to reach for his phone, squinty-eyed as he checks his screen.
And he doesnât see your name.
Dumbass: 1 New Message
But your brotherâs.
What the hell does heâ
Dumbass [07:30]: We need to talk.
âŠShit.
Yoongi grips his phone in panic, ice water streaming through his veins and mind set ablaze with potential scenarios.
Heâs awake. You went home. And heâs awake. Fuck, did anything happen? Did you say anything? What are the chances this text means he found everything out?Â
Shit.Â
Does Yoongi answer now? Or does he sleep and pretend that this is just a text and isnât a problem at all? Think. Your brother may not even be referencing you, or him. Right? It could be something completely different.Â
Why canât he fucking move?Â
Every regret Yoongiâs kept at bay floods his brain, crashing into assumptions of your mental state and creating a massive whirlpool of dread. Just answer. Donât answer. Just answer. Donât fucking answer. Suddenly, another alert lights his home screen and itâs a call oh fuckâwait⊠Itâs Jungkook?Â
Why not. Sure. Whatâs one more issue.Â
Picking up, Yoongi runs hard fingers through his hair as he answers.
âHey, you coming?â
âHuh?â
âWe have that session in thirty.â
The what. The session? Oh, fuck. The session. Yoongi completely forgot they had a recording booked today because they were so hyped last night to get a date for the release party shit. Vacating his bed, Yoongi answers with a low, âYeah, Iâll be there.âÂ
âYeah, donât be late. Itâs those guys from before.âÂ
Fuck, itâs that one. The dudes that stopped by the studio just as things were wrapping up, shocking everyone when they scheduled some time. Highly successful musicians and performers booking something with a no name studio? Things are rolling in the right direction and coming along fast.Â
But as things go. If they donât take this shit seriously, everything can crash just as quickly.
âHeading out,â Yoongi finally says as he yanks a hoodie from his closet, and a loud vibration against his ear makes him flinch.Â
Dumbass [7:40]: Heading over
Fuck!
âYou okay?âÂ
âShit, yeah.â Yoongi grips soft material before his phone hits his desk with a thump. Hastily dressing, he grunts, âMaybe. Might be like two minutes late.âÂ
âNah, come now.âÂ
Heâs heading over? Your brother? If thatâs the case, thereâs no way he doesnât know.Â
Fuck, relax. Donât overthink. If anything, there wouldnât have even been a heads-up. Yoongi figures heâd just find out as soon as heâs thrown against a wall. Or the ground. Or right onto his coffee table that this very guy helped pick out. Shit, he needs to know but he doesnât wanna find out.Â
But nevermind him. Are you okay? Swiping his device, Yoongi quickly types a text before fast-walking out of his room, going on autopilot when he assures into his receiver, âIâll get there.âÂ
Yoongi [7:42]: Going to the studio
âOn time? You better!â
Goddamn, heâs juggling too much right now.Â
As Yoongi breaks into the dining room, he hears a rustling on the line before other voices jut through the speaker. Sounds like Hobi and Joon are already there, and the next thing said further spikes his stress level another peak,Â
âWeâre already cutting it close with the prep.âÂ
Fucking hell, the prep. The mics, the tracks, the setup. They forgot to do all of it. Something inside of him starts snarling and almost pounces through the phone, âFuck, we shouldâve been ready already.âÂ
âShit, I know.âÂ
âWe canât keep doing this.âÂ
âDude, relax, I get it.âÂ
âDo you? Cus this is⊠Fuck.âÂ
âYeah, yeah, weâll get it done but itâs gonna be tight. Hey, whereâs the⊠Damn it, whatâs it called?â
Frustrated and rummaging through his pantry, Yoongi knows he sure as hell didnât think about anything else as soon as he heard you crying on the line. If he had remembered while leaving the studio, he couldâve spared a brain cell to rush everyone back in. âThe what.âÂ
âThe⊠The overhead mic for the drums.âÂ
Of course, heâd repeat every decision he made last night. Over, and over, and over again. But any of them shouldâve remembered this step before leaving, which pisses him off. The studioâs lack of experience is showing and itâs making him nervous.Â
And Yoongi still doesnât know whatâs going on with his best friend.Â
âWe need two overheads for drums,â he corrects while swiping a water bottle from the counter. And heâs about to rattle off where they are when he feels another long buzz.Â
Dumbass: Incoming CallÂ
Of fucking course.Â
Mind whirring so hard he can feel steam, Yoongi quickly recalls where the mics are, âTheyâre somewhere in the back by the amps, but I gotta take this so Iâll see yâall there.âÂ
âWait, where are theââ
Nope. Kookâs just gonna have to figure out whatever heâs asking on his own. Switching calls, Yoongi answers while opening his door, hastily putting out the food and water he grabbed from the kitchen.Â
âHey.â Fuck, is his voice shaking? What the hell is he gonna be faced with in the next few seconds? Can he freeze time and rewind and keep last night on repeat? âIâm about to head out.âÂ
âDonât leave yet, Iâm coming.âÂ
âNo, justââYoongi dashes back inside before grabbing his wallet and keys from the barââYou good? I canât be late.âÂ
âDonât lie. Yâall are done, right?âÂ
Donât lie. Yoongi feels like hurling.Â
âWe got another project,â he huffs as he meets sunrise again, blazing a trail through his corridor and rounding the corner to his car. âA bandâs coming in for a session.â
âShit.â
Thereâs a pause on the line. And itâs the first bit of silence Yoongiâs had since he got the first bone-chilling text. Is his secret safe? Are you okay? Should he work extra late and run from a problem yet again? Heâs very good at that. Running. If there was a medal for distance ran from issues, heâd be on the podium for both gold and silver.
âOkay, fine.âÂ
Relief is temporary. This could just be him biding his time in order to figure out what to do. Or maybe he truly doesnât know whatâs going on and Yoongi has a bit more uninterrupted time with you.Â
Delusion is a great place to stay.
In any case, his friendâs behavior is alarming. Whatâs he doing up this early? And why is he wanting to swing by so bad if not to slice him into tiny pieces? Nerves slow on the downslope, Yoongi shuts his car door and lends his ear, âBut serious, are you okay?â
âI just⊠Tch. I canât even say it.â
He lets his friend go through a series of small sounds on the line, pulling out of the lot and hitting the road with tire squeaks. âWhatâs up,â he finally pushes, looking sideways and remembering the car ride home.Â
There was no way Yoongi was gonna say no to you. He didnât in this universe, and heâd bet his whole life he doesnât in any other one, either. Not when your wings looked like you hadnât used them in months.   Â
Pained, Yoongi hopes youâre completely fine and sleeping. Tucked away in a bed that captured part of his heart, visiting him in your dreams so that some version of him can be at your side.Â
âEverything, Yoong.âÂ
But, as it so starkly turns out, he has to deal with reality. And with the fact that youâre just as far away as you were before last night. Maybe even further out of reach.Â
So, so far away.Â
âThereâs a ton of shit, but. Fuck. Guess weâll have to wait.â
Right now, deal with the studio prep and get through the session that will probably take awhile. After that, meet up with your brother and hope to god he doesnât know. âK.â
âJust lemme know when you get back.â
Then, when all of that is done, Yoongi will be alone. Staring into the night and trying his hardest not to give up on himself again. âYeah, I will.âÂ
âNo running.â
âK.â
When the call ends, Yoongi lets out the harshest breath heâs ever let out in his life. Hoping you went right to sleep without dealing with any of that.Â
âHow did that sound?âÂ
Looking into the recording room, Yoongi raises a thumbs up as Hoseok clicks back to the beginning of the track. At their side, Namjoon hits a button on the console before speaking into a microphone, âYâall wanna come hear it?âÂ
âWe can move on. Wanna get the doubling done.âÂ
Huh? Theyâre gonna move onto vocal doubling already? With a few blinks, Yoongi think itâd be better if theyâ
âOkay!â Jungkook agrees from the couch, cutting out any other thoughts. âIf any of you need adjustments, let us know.âÂ
âYeah, actually, can one of you come switch this out?âÂ
Joon throws a suggestion over his shoulder, but Yoongi is already heading for the booth before his name is even mentioned.Â
Get everything done smooth. Stay disciplined. Be professional, goddamn it.
Entering the soundproofed room will always make him want to occupy the mic instead. That feeling hasnât gone away, and there have been countless nights where heâs spent time just sitting in this very space, visualizing what it would be like to work on this side of the glass someday. Deep down, Yoongi knows he could be somebody. But imposter syndrome runs deep.Â
Avoiding cables strewn about the room, he offers his hands without a word, taking a guitar from the lead singer and making his leaveâ
âHey.â He turns. âYouâre good.âÂ
What? Where the hell did that come from? Did he even hear this guy right or was he just daydreaming again? Yoongiâs so thrown he can only stare with question marks for eyes.Â
Amused, the singer simply points to the side of his beaming countenance. âYou have an ear.âÂ
Huh. How the hell can this dude tell? All Yoongiâs done is indicate if a recording take was good or not, and given a few minuscule suggestions to the keyboardist and guitaristâinstruments heâs well-versed in.Â
Yet again, heâs so in his head that the man outright laughs, âRelax! You can talk to us like normal, you know. None of us care about etiquette shit.âÂ
âShit, my bad,â Yoongi finally responds, instrument in his hands proving a little lighter. âThanks.âÂ
âOf course.â Swishing long bangs to the side, the performer rests a hand on his hip. âWeâre open to anything. Weâd just tell you if your opinion sucks.âÂ
Eyes creasing with his lips, Yoongi puffs out a laugh.Â
âKidding. Only a little.â
Even though these people are world-renowned, theyâre the first humble group to run through the studio. Everyone else has been either cocky, standoffish, or super opinionated, which made for unproductive hours.
Yoongi likes this change of pace. His shoulders start to feel composed, less scrunched than they had been since you left his place this morning. Comforted, he looks down at the guitar in his fingers.
Choosing not to say what he wants to.Â
Should he? Nah. These guys know what theyâre doing. Despite the nice offer to speak up, itâs not his place. Far from it.Â
âŠBut what would you tell him to do? What would you be proud of?
Committed to his answer, Yoongi grips the neck and decides without another thought,Â
âDo the chorus again.âÂ
The whole studio stills. But all heâs looking at is the man in front of him, shaking his head when they ask, âSame way?âÂ
âUhm. No.â As he hands the guitar back, Yoongi wordlessly checks if he can see the sheet music. When given the go-ahead, he scans the lines before pointing out a passage to note,Â
âMm. Here. Vocals are fine as is, but. Ride the build-up quicker and hit the next chord after a bit longer.â When he stops, he has to fight to ignore the eyes on him. Thereâs no doubt that his extended time in the recording room is being questioned, and his hand movements probably make him look stupid. âItâll keep in time but hit harder.âÂ
Done. He said it.Â
And the response that follows puts complete silence to shame.Â
Instantly self-conscious, Yoongi swears he can hear Hobiâs pants shift in the control room through two closed doors shit he took it too far. Fuck, if these guys walk out now the studio is done for and heâll be the only reason whyâ
âWell, goddamn. Letâs try that then.âÂ
Huh. Theyâre gonna take that?Â
As he steps away, Yoongi feels slightly awkward doused in attention. Yeah, expressions seem like looks of approval, but they could just be polite.Â
The man hums the chorus with Yoongiâs notes in mind, and his eyebrows tick a bit before he addresses the others in the room, âYou heard him?â
âMmhmm.â
âYeah, we can try that.â
âWhy didnât you think of that, Woosung?â
Yoongi canât keep his amusement under wraps as the singer laughs, addressing his keyboardist with a grin, âDamn, not even Sammy? Straight to Woosung, huh.â
âSammy wouldâve thought of it.â
Another bout of mirth spreads joy around the recording booth, and Yoongi shares a look with the singer before they both nod.Â
âLetâs see how it sounds.âÂ
âK.â
Proud and adrenaline-filled, he turns to walk back to the door, head so buzzed he doesnât know what to do. But when Yoongi canât see into the control room anymore, he misses a stare through the glass.
A stare that lingers on him just a little too long.Â
The rest of the session goes smooth, and Yoongiâs relieved that they havenât asked him for anything else.Â
After all. He doesnât wanna push it, or step on Jungkookâs toes. What happened in the recording room only went down because you would have scolded him for not seizing that moment. And the suggestion he gave was lauded after the next take.
It was the first time since you kissed him goodbye that he felt a healthy pulse in his chest. Despite the chaos of the morning, amid the thoughts and worries penetrating his brain, you reached out and kept him steady in just the right moment.Â
Fuck being his good luck charm. You give guardian angels shame and you donât even know it.Â
âOkay, weâll take ten after this.â
Jungkook holds up an arm while agreeing, âOkay! Weâll save what we got!âÂ
Yoongiâs scanning the tracks when he feels hovering over his shoulder, and he already knows itâs the kid without looking. âSup.â
âNothing.â
âYou sure.â
At this, Jungkook pauses before he sighs. âYeah, itâs nothing,â he clearly lies.Â
But Yoongi will let him figure out whether to run with that or not. He seems a little bothered about something, and it very well could be what happened in the booth. This is work, and theyâre both adults. If he wants to talk about something, Yoongi will gladly have that conversation.Â
Suddenly, a vibration erupts in his hoodie pocket, and his phone is fished out without him even thinking.Â
Hustler: Incoming Câ
Shit. You wouldnât call him at work unless itâs urgent. Which is quickly throwing any possible theories about your brother not knowing out the window.Â
But fuck, he canât answer yet. Thereâs no way. Not only is he in very close range to someone you donât wanna speak to right now, but heâd get blasted for being on his phone during a session. Hoping you can wait just two more minutes, Yoongi turns the buzzing off within his hoodie pocket, anxiously waiting for the take to start.Â
Hoping to everything that Jungkook didnât happen to see what was on his screen.Â
As soon as everyone looks pleasedâthree takes and thirty minutes laterâYoongi quickly excuses himself from the control room. His head practically overheats on the way out back, but the gust of morning breeze serves to soothe it some.Â
Itâs been chilly lately. A bit grey. But whatever the weather has been outside, itâs no match for the atmosphere of his brain.Â
Pulling his hood over hair he hasnât cut in months, Yoongi looks around before ringing you up. Hoping that youâre good and didnât have to go through a version of his panic earlier.Â
Hustler: Outgoing CallÂ
Straight to voicemail? Shit.
Hustler: Outgoing Call
Fuck, still voicemail. Are you okay? On the phone with someone else? Did your brother actually end up finding out and things are worse than he thought? Clutching his phone, Yoongi glances up while giving it slight shakes, body on alert while deciding what the hell to do now.Â
Maybe he can at least text you to ask what the hell happened this morning? Typing. Erasing. Retyping. Retrying.Â
Yoongi [9:02]: Got a session today, doll.Â
Thatâs what he had to say? That wonât do you any good, the fuck? Berating himself with a sigh, he takes a few steps while texting a follow-up.Â
Yoongi [9:03]: Still going, but are you good?
Staring, it takes him a few seconds to decide if this is enough. If these two messages are gonna suffice to help him figure out what the hell heâs getting into later.Â
Itâs not. Thereâs too much he needs to know.Â
Hustler: Outgoing CallÂ
When it doesnât ring a third time, Yoongi gives up, cursing before turning and raking his hood off in distress.
Only to see Woosung materializing out of nowhereârelaxed, silent, and taking a drag.Â
Shit. How much of that did he witness?
âBeen there,â the man empathizes, blowing out smoke into crisp morning. After a swell of early traffic fills the alleyway, he continues, âIn trouble?â
Great. With a sound of dejection, Yoongi answers to a stack of random boxes, âMight be.âÂ
âDonât wanna commit anymore?âÂ
âI do,â Yoongi blurts without hesitation, looking right into eyes that have seen plenty more than he has.Â
And itâs the first time heâs admitted anything out loud. To a stranger miles above him in status, no less. Hands stuffed in his pockets, he clarifies, âItâs just⊠Thereâs something I need to do first.âÂ
Wait a sec. Why the fuck is he talking about this so freely? This isnât something he does. Privacy is practically his brand. So why is it easy to talk to this guy? Itâs him, for fuckâs sake. But whatâs done is done. Woosung probably wonât even remember this conversation even happened, or is already annoyed as hell he didnât get a good read on him.Â
To Yoongiâs surprise, his alley companion speaks again after another white wisp. âMmm⊠Something you need to do?â
Well. Yoongi walked right into this one. Swallowing and knowing he canât dip out, he sighs, âSome shit I wanna finish.â The smell of tobacco wafts around him when he looks at dulled skies. âShit I need to get through.âÂ
An amused hum floats through empty space. âBeen there, too.âÂ
Yoongi slowly turns to regard his client, watching as Woosung becomes very interested in wet concrete.
What kind of shit has this guy seen? Surely, he could have had some of the same experiences. The slight droop in his confident shoulders tells enough. But would he understand the exact same situation?Â
No. At least, Yoongi hopes not. Quite fucking frankly, he hopes no one has had to go through the same shit that he has.Â
âLet me know if you ever need help,â Woosung offers, shocking Yoongi to the point of speechlessness. As he drops his cigarette to squash it out, he runs a hand through wild dark locks. âWeâll be around again.âÂ
Wait. What? Yoongi can only blink. âSerious?â
âYeah.â The man looks down the outside corridor, watching as people start heading to their jobs through a central courtyard. âGot a good feeling about this place.â
What does he mean by that. What can Woosung possibly mean by that what does he mean theyâll be back? To the studio? To the city? Whatâs happening. Yoongi simply lets a pause prevail before offering the only response heâs capable of,
âItâs the food next door, huh.â
That laugh has got to be top five in the world. Not as great as yours, but definitely up there in terms of what makes Yoongi feel like things are alright. Not that heâd ever admit that shit to anyone. Ever.
Mercifully, the conversation moves away from risky topics. Instead, there are talks about a tour one is planning for his bandâs album, mixed in with mentions of equipment the other is saving up for. Then the rest isnât about music at all.
Finally, itâs time for them to continue recording, so they know to head back inside. âDonât wait,â Woosung advises as he turns on his heel.Â
And Yoongi can only stare somewhere else.Â
âIf thereâs something you need to get through...âÂ
Stare, and stare, and stare some more.
âHit it until it breaks.â
Because heâs already aware. More than anyone.
As Woosung shuts the back door, Yoongiâs gaze finds the crushed cigarette at his side. Another reminder of how things were.
And a reminder that heâs still a fucking coward.
Hours later, Yoongiâs car awaits him in the lot.Â
And when he realizes that you still havenât responded, he shuts his door just a little too hard.Â
Whenever his friend comes over for drinks, itâs always the same routine.Â
Both of them donât talk much, instead opting for a quiet greeting before someone dumps themselves on the couch while the other grabs a bottle and cups in the kitchen. As soon as glasses are filled, conversation sparks as a game plays out on tvâor a sportscasting show if nothing interesting is airing.Â
But this time? None of it happens that way. Because when Yoongi opens his door, heâs pinned with a shadowed visage he's only seen piercing through others.Â
And the whole arctic starts to seep into his bloodstream.
Raising a brow and giving space is his chosen course of action. Best to not disturb a beast if theyâre already ready to lunge.
And his friend eyes him as he stalks into the house, scanning around in search of somethingâliving room, dining table, even looking into the open doorway of the bedroom.Â
Fuck. Relax. Donât assume anything until things are on the table. Yoongi has got to pretend like tonight is normal and fine and that heâs obviously and positively not seeing and sleeping with his friendâs little sister.Â
And that he most definitely didnât eat you out where your brother is sitting now motherfucker he needs a drink. Or a smoke. Or both with a plane ticket out of the whole country.Â
At least the television is already on. If it wasnât for that ambiance, Yoongiâs head would be jam packed with every goddamn sound known to man. Including the adorable way you talk in your sleep, and how you strain so beautifully when you come fuck, fuck, fuck! Focus.Â
Whatâs happened has happened. And whatâs going to happen will happen. Whether itâs a consequence of his actions, or nothing to do with any of this at all.Â
But when faced with everything smushing together at once? Yoongi will probably need to be revived no matter what the outcome. This is the most stressed out heâs been in years.Â
Not only that, but his stress is more than obvious. Even now in the kitchen, heâs scanning through his bottles with a fingerâan action heâs never done while sober since the choices are always predictable. Holy shit, he needs to pull it together.Â
Has he ever been this panicked? Does he appear just as chaotic and disjointed as he feels? This is too new. This is very new and if he doesnât regain control thereâs no telling where this foreign road leads.
But the silence still remains as he turns. And apparently the road hits a dead end at his dining table. Since itâs occupied rather than the living room sofa.Â
Sighing, Yoongi ambles to his friend, placing everything down with clinks and ignoring the way his furniture is getting burned through. Both whiskyâs are ready. Yoongiâs already holding his. And your brother still hasnât moved a muscle. Honestly, what the fuck is going on withâ
âI went to Jiminâs last night.â
âŠWhat.Â
Donât react. Heâs staring. Donât fucking react. Take a drink. A sip. Pick up the goddamn glass. Doing so, Yoongi slowly brings the liquid to his lips, not quite following his own instructions as he asks behind a barrier, âHow was it.â
His question is met with a laugh that isnât funny at all. The kind that drags a finger along the chalkboard of your soul. And the next question directed his way pulverizes Yoongiâs denial,
âCare to share whatâs been going on?â
Heâs sick. Beyond sick. The room is closing in and closing in too fucking fast. Shit shit shit. Thereâs no way he saw. No fucking way. He parked down the street he deliberately stopped as far away as possible and you saw your brotherâs car in your driveway. Did he get there after you left? And didnât see you while also not hearing from hiâ
âWhy her, Yoong? Hmm?â
Fuck!Â
Yoongi canât feel the air in his lungs. Because there isnât any. Just a barren wasteland of shriveled futures and cracks in the foundation of every relationship heâs had in his whole life. The millisecond before a crash and only his wheels spinning and spinning and spinningâ
Your brother shoots out of the chair, making the glass in Yoongiâs palm feel infinitely more solid.
âI mean, fuck! After all the shit weâve been through? Youâre gonna go back to her?â
All theâshit, he canât evenâback to? Back to you? What does he mean by back to you? Does he know about the first tiâ
Volcanic, the man interrogating paces beside the dining table. Back and forth, back and forth. A pause. Back and forth.
And Yoongi still feels frozen in time. Is this it? Is this when things come crashing down? Glass suspends in midair all around him; an orchestra trembles beneath his feet, waiting for the moment to rip into his rib cage with swift strokes and a flourish as heâs taken down.Â
âCanât fucking believe you.â
When Yoongi finally chooses to speak, what comes out only feels like a horrible attempt more than anything else, âListen, itâs my fauââ
âWhat, you just decided to fuck that bitch again? Couldnât stay away?â
Oh, fuck that.Â
Wood scrapes into flooring as Yoongi vacates his chair, hard feet planted as he gets into the face of his best friend, his confidant, his day one. Only to speak so low only them two can hear, âHow bout you use your fucking words already and Iâll tell you.â
âYeah? Is that what you want?â They are only a breath apart. But no oneâs going anywhere now. âNeed me to spell it out for that fuckass brain of yoursââ
âSay itââ
âStop fucking your ex, dude!â
Yoongiâs back connects with the chair behind him, palms flinging back to brace himself through a jolt of pain. And his eyes go so wide they stretch at the edges.
âŠMotherfucker, what?
Your brother is not done in the slightest, but Yoongi can only stare as heâs being berated for something that is one-hundred percent news to him, too.Â
âEveryone was happy when you finally left. All of us. Only for you to go and, what, get back with her?â
Nothing makes sense. This isnât about you? Yoongiâs heart canât even reset to start beating again. Everything is coming as shock after shock and thereâs no way he can keep up at this pace.
His ex? Her? Where the fuck did that come from and why the hell does he of all people think thatâs actually true?
âIf youâre gonna be with her, you can count me out.âÂ
No. Never again. That would never, ever happen again. âThe fuck are you even sayingââ
âIâm not fucking joking, Yoong. If youâre seriously back with her thenââ
âLook, I donât know what the fuck you heard, but Iâm not.â
âSo everything I heard was a lie?â
âHuh?â
âHe told me!â
Heâwho? Who the fuck would say that? And when how what the fuck and why? Yoongi stares, chest heaving with every inhale and exhale. Because he has a choice to make. Either he trudges into this lie and rubs sludge all over his bones, or he denies it like he wants because itâs not fucking true.
What the actual fuck. Itâs already bad enough that someone sent this along the rumor mill. And itâs making him sick thinking about all the implications surrounding it. But itâs even worse that his best friend believes it so easily. Heâs coming at him so quick without even asking if itâs true.Â
The only silver liningâthe singular bright spot in this hellholeâis that he can use it as an out. An out to protect you from wrath and further fury from your older sibling because if you were the rumor? Heâd be laid flat on his floor next to a broken dining set.
âYou gonna say anything or what?âÂ
Truthfully, Yoongi feels queasy knowing what heâs gonna do. But itâs for you. You, you, you. And for that, Yoongi will do anything.Â
Even if it kills him.
âNo, I, ummâŠâÂ
âNo?âÂ
Just hurry up and fucking do it.Â
Resigned, Yoongi lets the memories flood through. Every moment thatâs haunted him from a distance charges forward as he surrenders to the pain of his past. âItâsââ Fuck, he canât even begin to lie, head thundering, thundering, striking his heart in the rain. âI...âÂ
His friend halts. Tense before his shoulders fall back to normal. âYou what.â
What the fuck does Yoongi do? What can he say when his brain is only firing up to beg him to run? Technically, he doesnât have to say anything. He really doesnât. But he can deflect. Itâs what heâs best at, after all. Heâs been doing it to you and he will do it again.
In the most defeated voice he can muster, Yoongi comes up with something that will placate his friend while still prolonging this horrid fib, âYou donât have to worry about that anymore.âÂ
âYou sure?â
Itâs true. More true than anything. âItâs over now.âÂ
A century passes. Then another. Then another. Every piece of furniture waits in silence as the television seeps back into his ears.Â
Then his friend sighs, not looking back as he slumps into the same chair that you always occupy. And Yoongi hopes his sigh of conflicted relief isnât witnessed.Â
Following suit, he rubs his lower back before taking his regular seat again, not giving any shits about waiting to drink.Â
His ex?Â
As his throat warms, Yoongi starts to harden the more memories keep crashing into each other like jagged waves fuck he really hates how she was brought into this he swears as soon as he figures out who said this he is going toâ
âSorry.â Haze shattered, he lifts his gaze. âIâm so fucking stressed and hearing that last night justâŠâ
âItâs done.â Yoongi reaches for the thick bottle, pouring more into his glencairn. Wanting to talk about literally anything else, he diverts the conversation, âBut something else is up with you so say it.â
It works. The man inhales deep, rubbing his face with weary hands. When he rests elbows on wood, he finally talks about other things clouding his mind,
âWork is shit,â he groans downward. âTheyâre having me travel again.âÂ
âDomestic?â
âYeah. But for longer. And I donâtâŠâ Tapering off, he sits back, slowly playing with his glass. As if he doesnât want to mention the next problem.Â
When he finally does, Yoongi wholeheartedly understands the hesitation, âI dunno know whatâs going on with my sister.â
Oh. Fuck, how the hell does he respond? Keeping his cool, Yoongi just repeats the question, taking out his phone and pretending to check his screen. âYour sister?â
âYeah.â A sigh is sandwiched between explanations. âThe past few months, I feel like.. They havenât really been themselves.âÂ
A sudden crack splits him through.
âNot laughing. Not eating as much. Like even when they sound happy, I can tell itâs a front.. I donât know.âÂ
The clunk of his phone hits the table very hard.Â
No. No, no, no. Your texts have been so positive. So encouraging. Other than a few sad calls, youâve been happy to hear from him just as he had been relieved to hear from you. Even in the car, you mustâve put your feelings lightly.Â
Your wings. Youâve been enduring all that? For him? Yoongiâs heart rears its head, snagging one of his breaths and slamming both lungs into the floor.
And hatred paints his heart another shade darker.
âThey finally went out last night, but. Didnât come back until this morning.â Running rigid hands through his head, the man looks so pained. So helpless. âSame clothes, dude.âÂ
And Yoongi can only stare, feigning nonchalance but raging and tearing himself apart inside. âMm.â
âI just⊠I know I suck at this, but. I donât know what the hell to do. Or if I even do anything.â Your brother finally takes a swig, wincing at how much ethanol coats his tongue.Â
Relax, relax, relax. As much as he wants to erupt on himself right now, Yoongi has to stay calm.
Not like he doesnât know how. Thatâs usually how he operates, anyway. Itâs hard to tell heâs struggling unless you look deep enough. And almost no one thinks to do so because his surface is all they want.Â
But right now? He doesnât think he can sequester this anger any longer. At him, his past, and his stupid present decisions.Â
âLike I tried to say something but I just.. I felt like if I push too hard, theyâre gonna shut down even more. Ever since that fight with Kook, itâs like..âÂ
Seeing an opening and keeping a neutral stance, Yoongi asks the most ironic question to date, âAre they seeing someone?â
At this, his friend shakes his head, eyes glued to dark amber liquid. When he answers, all the breaths in the world cut at once,Â
âI think she feels all alone.âÂ
This hit is the strongest. Straight to the gut, breath stuttering and muscles clenching so hard they lock. Itâs almost severe enough to affect how Yoongi feels around his eyes.Â
âAnd it sucks not knowing what to do.â
Yoongiâs heart lurches, deflating and slipping out of the crack in his chest. Piercing on the jagged edges before slumping down onto a table that continues to judge him. Â
Youâre hurting. Your brotherâs hurting. And itâs all his goddamn fault. Why canât he just break free and admit shit? Why is he still haunted by the phantoms of his past? Why is he still so fucking weak? Itâs clear that he hurt you. For months. Youâve been cheering for him that whole time while youâve been visibly broken and itâs all because of his dumbass decision toâ
âIâm heading out again.â
Yoongi raises his eyes. Because he canât seem to move anything else. âWhen.â
Your older sibling takes a slower, more measured sip. Looking towards the channel playing in the living room, he answers, âAfter our game. Dinner Friday, game on Saturday, fly out Sunday.âÂ
âMm. Weâll still be here,â Yoongi assures, keeping things as normal and neutral as he can. âJust like last time.â
How ironic. How hypocritical. He hasnât been there for you in the slightest so how the fuck can he say that with a straight face.Â
âThanks. I know itâs a lot for yâall but..â
Not at all. Yoongi is more determined than ever to make everything up to you. Itâs the least he can do after putting you through something he decided on the fly.Â
On the run.
âDonât worry about that,â he vows into his drink. Honestly, if youâve been having second thoughts about this whole thing, he doesnât blame you. Absolutely doesnât blame you if you realize youâre better than this. But Yoongiâs at least gonna apologize in every single way he can. As soon as he possibly can. âWe got it.âÂ
âK.â The man finishes his glass and goes to pour more. âDid I ever mention that she liked you?â
Now whatâ Coughing on whisky is a bitch and a half. Hitting his chest while both eyes squint from burn, Yoongi croaks out his exact thoughts, âWhat.â
At this, his friend finally breaks into his regular smile. Setting the bottle down with a hollow clunk, he points, âDonât you fucking get any ideas. Jiminâs already on my shit list.â He scoffs out a laugh. âBut it was obvious when we were younger.â
And Yoongi can only cough some more. He shakes his head through the sting, swallowing and trying to compose himself. He doesnât know where the hell that came from, but he hopes your brother will understand when all is said and done. Even though heâs been the reason youâve been soâŠ
Yoongi almost fucking confesses.
âYouâre a good person,â he blurts instead. Whether the guilt or last cough pushed it out, thatâs still on the table. âYou donât suck at what you think you do.â
âYou think so?â
âWhy wouldnât I?âÂ
The hell? Does this dude really not see how successful he is? How much heâs overcome and conquered and sacrificed? Truthfully, Yoongi wouldnât be where he is today if not for your brother. Him. Jimin. You. Anybody. Which is what makes this ongoing betrayalâŠÂ
Unprecedented. Â
âYouâre the best out of all of us.âÂ
Your brother finally looks at him, though Yoongi isnât doing the same. But he can still tell when a fist is held out for him to bump, so he does.
And they both share a drink in respectful silence.Â
After a moment of them watching the tv, the man finally sighs. âGuess we did shape up pretty nice.â When heâs agreed with, he keeps going with a grin. âWe were so fucking bad.â
Yoongi can only chuckle, much better memories fighting off the terrors. âOld me was a little shit.â
âYou still are.â
âSays you!â
âI still am, too!â
Laughs precede big swigs of whisky and comfortable quiet. Bit by bit, shoulders start to relax with the surrounding air, and Yoongi lazily releases tension in his neck.Â
After a few more pours, your brother decides to call it, using the bathroom before announcing that heâs gonna head out. Yoongi gets up from his chair to clasp hands goodbye, not expecting to hear one more plea,
âBreak up with her, Yoong.âÂ
Shit. He sighs, and their conversation continues from the dining table to the front door. âItâs not like that.âÂ
âYeah?âÂ
âItâs over now.âÂ
âFor good?â As they stop beside the coat closet, your brother pins him with a look. âI was about to drive over and break down the door.â
Even though Yoongi shares a tsk with him, he canât help but imagine what couldâve happened if that was the case. And it sends an unwanted jolt of chills.Â
âSerious. Iâm gonna keep saying this, but. she was just making you miserable, dude.â He slips on his shoes, smacking his foot on the ground to push one in place. âIâm sure it was good at first, but I mean⊠You gotta move on. You deserve better than that.âÂ
Anything would be better than that. Yoongi just disagrees with the whole deserving part. âI guess.âÂ
âYou sure itâs over?â
âYeah,â he assures, because that is something he intends to keep true forever. âIt is.âÂ
âGood.â Keys jingling, your sibling then points into the open area with his whole arm, seven words leaving his mouth like ice,Â
âThen get rid of that fucking guitar.âÂ
Ah. Among all the things. Of course he would bring that up, too. Jaw working, Yoongi looks away, now assaulted by all the torturous thoughts surrounding that painful reminder and fighting them off with no success.Â
Get rid of it? Heâs been trying.Â
For three. Fucking. Months.Â
âI might.âÂ
ââŠK.âÂ
And his best friend departs, leaving Yoongi inside and staring at the same black spot heâs kept in the corner for years. It has mocked him as he struggles. Laughed at him whenever heâs tried to throw it out. And aside from the times heâs made you feel better stinging himself on those strings, he has accomplished nothing except letting it win.
Pissed off and doused in guilt, Yoongi yanks himself away from the door, the instrument, and everything else except for his bed.
Keeping his shadow exactly where it stands.Â
Yoongi knows he needs to talk to you.
But his phone exists somewhere on the other side of his bedroom door.
And he doesnât have the strength to go get it.Â
What time is it?Â
All that greets him is darkness.Â
Nothing new, but darkness all the same.Â
Why was she mentioned? What does that mean?Â
He needs to call you. Heâs lying to his best friend.Â
Her? You. His sheets still smell like you.Â
Inhale. Breathe. Inhale.Â
He needs to call you. But heâs so, so tired.Â
And the darkness pulls him back under.Â
Without even telling him the time.Â
Buzzing.Â
Faint, gentle buzzing softly lifts Yoongiâs eyelids before a loud series of smacks causes him to rush out of bed what the fuck?Â
Oh. His phone fell outside. Fucking hell, his heartâs beating way too quick for that to be the only thing that happened.Â
Head in his hands, Yoongi sighs deep before making his way to the dining table. And it takes all of his strength to bend down to reach for his phone.Â
Hustler: Missed Calls (6)
Dumbass: 1 Message
Hustler: 3 MessagesÂ
Chim: 7 Messages  Â
Chim: Missed Calls (3)Â
Holy fuck.Â
With only the light of his phone illuminating the dark, Yoongi rings Jimin up. His heartâs a little disappointed it wasnât you calling just now, but itâs probably best to stay away while his brain is so scattered and torn.Â
âOh, fuck. There you are.âÂ
âMm.âÂ
âDonât scare me like that, bro. I was starting to get ready to drive overââÂ
âItâs fine,â he juts in. âWhatâs up.âÂ
Alright, maybe he shouldnât be an asshole. Thereâs no reason to let his lingering shadow from earlier control his temper now. Jiminâs just being himself, for fuckâs sake.Â
âI, umm. I wanted to tell you Iâm sorry.âÂ
Now thatâs not what Yoongi expected at all. âFor what?âÂ
Thereâs another pause on the line, and his reaction is immediate when he knows for a fact Jimin is fighting back tears.Â
âI⊠I got so drunk last night, IâAnd Iââ
Shit. A sinking feeling starts to weigh Yoongi down, his center pulling the rest of him in like a black hole. And he doesnât need to hear the rest of this to know what this call is about.Â
âHe was looking for her, Yoong, and you werenât there, either. He had this look, IâI couldnât think of anything else to say in the moment and I told himââ
Jimin canât even finish his confession. And it hits right in the gut.Â
Despite his perceived persona, Yoongi doesnât like hearing people cry. At least, if they donât deserve to or donât deserve to be sadâor if theyâre you. He could care less about the rest.
But Jimin is one of the only people that can get him like this: eyes stinging at their edges and his chest concave. In the dark, though, no one can tell. No one can see him.
So he can openly swipe at his eyes before dumping tired limbs into a chair, catching his forehead in a damp palm.Â
âIâm an idiot. Iâm sorry.âÂ
Exhaling through his nose, Yoongi tries his best to calm his emotions. Because they are still raging and itâs going to take all of him to quell this tempest.Â
Jimin knows more than anyone what this means to him. To you. The time you spent apart? If it wasnât for his friend, Yoongi may have been in a much different position. If this was the only thing Park could do, then his effort has to be acknowledged. It worked like a fucking charm.
But goddamn, Yoongi wishes Jimin thought of literally anything else. He couldâve made up some random, some fling from another city, the damn studio itself.Â
âDonât worry about it,â he finally rasps out. âItâs just been a fuckinâ day.âÂ
Jimin sniffles before cursing at himself and, judging by the sounds on the line, Yoongi figures heâs opening his fridge. If he reaches for soju, that would not be surprising in the least, and now that sounds like a good idea.
âSame. Gah, I just⊠I shouldâve warned you. I didnât know he went over there.âÂ
âHe told you?âÂ
âI called him after you didnât answer earlier.âÂ
âOh. Yeah, I passed out after he left.âÂ
âAh.âÂ
Something shuts before thereâs a crisp clink on the line, validating exactly what Yoongi was thinking.Â
âI really am sorry. What did you end up saying?âÂ
âThat itâs done.âÂ
A hum.Â
âThatâs very true.âÂ
Thereâs a question that Yoongi thinks to ask. Context that he needs. But as important as this information is, Yoongi doesnât feel like talking about it right now. Or ever. But now still counts. So he switches the conversation over to something less daunting, âPractice still on tomorrow?âÂ
When Jimin laughs out of surprise, it gives Yoongi the smallest kick of energy.
âAh, someone actually ready to go for once?âÂ
âYeah. The plan is to make this game quick.âÂ
A hearty swallow spills out of the speaker before a hum follows,Â
âMm, that reminds me. Got something that might help with that.âÂ
What the hell does that even mean? âHuh?âÂ
âIâll bring it over tomorrow. You might find some good uses for it.â
Yoongi rubs the grogginess still clinging to his face. âAll these years and youâve never given me a straight answer.âÂ
âWhereâs the fun in that?âÂ
âKnowing the answer.âÂ
At least Jiminâs back in a good mood. Or a better state than puffy-eyed and regretful. He doesnât have to share the pain in this, too. It was an honest mistake.Â
âYouâll know it when you see it.âÂ
âAnnoying.â
âLove you, too!âÂ
Yoongiâs huff billows through his nose, and Jiminâs energy almost brings enough strength for him to clear the table.Â
Ehh. Heâll leave it alone. Heâs been pretty good at that lately, too, no matter how early or late it is in the night. What time even is it? Checking his phone, Yoongiâs brows crease when he figures that out. Why the hell are they even on a call right now? âWait, is it really three?âÂ
âHuh? Yeah. Iâm telling you, dude, I was getting worried.âÂ
He was really about to drive over? âSorry. I really did just pass out.âÂ
âMm. Well, Iâm gonna go do that now.âÂ
âK. Same time tomorrow?âÂ
âAh, a little earlier. Just so I can give this to you before everyone else shows.âÂ
That just makes Yoongi infinitely more curious. âSeriously, what did you get?âÂ
âRelax! You will like it.âÂ
âChim, I swearââ
âYouâll thank me later bye!â
As soon as Jimin disappears from the line, Yoongi is left alone again.
Exactly where he always ends up.Â
Exactly where he doesnât want to be.Â
But now that heâs done dealing with those notifications, Yoongi roams lidded eyes over his screen again.Â
Wait. You called him six times? Fuck. What did you text? Were you wondering where he was, too?Â
Hustler [20:01]: HOLY FUCK!! my phone died after i tried calling you this morning and i just fully woke up to charge itđ heâs not home so call whenever Â
Yoongi clutches his phone a little tighter.Â
He very much wouldâve rather been in your bed with you all day.Â
That sounds like fucking bliss.Â
Hustler [23:37]: tried calling but heâs home now. are you ok?? idk whatâs going on with him but i think we need to be careful
Shit, Yoongi didnât get to tell you. Youâve probably been worried about that every second youâve been awake today.Â
And he couldnât even make it out of his goddamn room to help.Â
All he comes with is worries for you. What kind of shit is this? What is he even doing? He even outright told you that you were dating only for that to be ripped from your hands for months. Why are you still giving someone like him a chance?Â
Hustler [23:40]: but all i wanna do is see you
Fucking hell.
Nothing in the world can stop his heartbeat quite like you can. With that smile, or those eyes, or the simple shit like this. Not even lightning can strike him the same way.Â
Despite the consistency Yoongi has with admitting his own shortcomings, and despite the way he keeps reminding himself he doesnât deserve youâŠ
All he wants to do is see you, too.Â
Youâve been more than he ever wouldâve imaginedâyour consideration, your intellect, your mind. And there have been times when youâd look at him as if he was the center of your galaxy.Â
After all this time. All these days and nights.Â
You still donât realize that he was destined to orbit you. Â
Itâs been decided long before his mind was made upâat least, the part of him that doesnât traverse the dark side. His heart had been tugging him to you ever since that rainy day, no matter where heâs drifted or which direction heâs gone in. All of them lead back into your arms.Â
But just like the feeling he gets walking into the recording booth, imposter syndrome eats him alive and doubt scavenges on whatâs left.Â
He will never be good enough for you. One of these days, you will realize that you donât have to settle for him. Itâs good now, but youâll only give him so many chances, which he is swiftly running through at breakneck speeds.Â
How fucking stupid. Having these thoughts while wanting nothing more than to hear your voice.Â
Just like everyone else, youâll eventually be done passing through. His winter will return after your inevitable departure, all the warmth you give focused on something else that deserves it more.Â
Something that isnât broken.Â
Yoongi whips his head up at the sound of buzzing, noticing thin lines of light beneath his phone on the table.Â
What. No way.Â
From the rapid beats inside his chest, he shoots his hopes right into the dark.Â
And they burst into beautiful sparks when he reads his screen.Â
Hustler: Incoming CallÂ
But just like the streaks of color he witnessed with you on that balcony, his brightness is short lived. Because as soon as Yoongi answers, the way your throat constricts scorches his windpipe through.
And the first thing you attempt to get through makes his eyes shut tight.Â
âAre we⊠is this over?âÂ
Fuck.
âI get it, if we are. If youâif you donât wanna do this with me anymore.âÂ
Fuck. Fuck everything this is not happening right now. âHold up,â Yoongi breathes, body on full alert. âWhatâs going on?âÂ
âI thought⊠When you werenât picking up, Iââ
âBreathe, babe,â Yoongi softens, hating, hating, hating himself all over again. âI passed out before you called. Thatâs it.âÂ
âOh. Shit, I really thoughtââ
âYou would know,â he whooshes, syllables squeezed out by the mountain of regret on his back. After hearing what he put you through? Hearing how you sound now? Thereâs no way he can do that shit again. No more disappearing from the grid because he canât fight himself. âYou would know if I was done.âÂ
Your sniffle sinks the ship with his heart inside.Â
âAre you? With me?âÂ
Yoongi folds, fingers digging through his hair and blocking it in hard chunks. The amount of things he wants to say to you could wrap the whole world before repeating. But he settles with a truth he can say out loud,Â
âNo way in hell, doll.âÂ
Please. Donât cry. Because he can only handle feeling his eyes sting so much in one night. Thereâs only so much he can take before heâs grabbing his keys and speeding overâfriends and brothers be damned.Â
âOkay⊠Iâm just. Itâs been a day.âÂ
Thatâs okay.Â
Because heâs had a day, too.Â
âI donât wanna bother you with it, though, itâs so late.âÂ
Please keep going.Â
Please donât leave him alone.Â
âTalk to me.âÂ
Like a gentle stream, your recapâthough not idealâwashes away the weariness from Yoongiâs eyes. Lifts the weight he bears on his shoulders, even if just a little bit.Â
Youâre so good at that.Â
âWell. Umm. He saw me coming home this morning. And, umm. It was weird. I donât know why but I think we have to be really careful. And ugh, itâ. It sucks because heâs going on a trip soon and I donât wanna stress him out even more but IââÂ
Shit, youâve probably been holding all of this in ever since you got up. You donât know that your brother believes something entirely different. But of course youâd be considerate, even now. Thatâs just who you are.
âI, umm. I feel so fucking bad about it but I donât wanna mess him up right now. Or maybe he knows but just wonât say it? Fuck, sorry, Iâm trying notâtoââ Â
The phone goes mute, and Yoongiâs head suddenly weighs ten times heavier.Â
âHe doesnât know, babe,â he soothes, hating how he canât be there to comfort you with more than his word and waves in the sky.Â
If he was stronger, things could be different by now. Vastly different. Vastly better. You would cry less, he knows that for damn sure. Weak, weak, weak. Thatâs all he fucking is.Â
The only one he seems to be strong for is you. âHe came over earlier.âÂ
âFuck, really?âÂ
âYeah.âÂ
You pause, seemingly to roll this information around that beautiful mouth of yours, and Yoongi has the strongest yearning to kiss all your worries right out of it.Â
âWhat did he say?âÂ
Shit. Youâll just have to forgive him later. Because Yoongi chooses not to tell the whole truth. You donât need to bear the same worries as him, anyway. They arenât yours. He will shoulder all of those on his own. Because heâs the reason for them in the first place. âNothing about us.âÂ
âOh, thank fuck.âÂ
Good. Your relief is all that matters. But Yoongi still feels bad for not being able to pick himself up. You couldâve known that a lot sooner if he was stronger. If he was better. âSo donât worry, doll.âÂ
âOkay. What about you? Are you okay?âÂ
Huh? Your questions catch him completely off-guard. Itâs almost comical how his first reaction goes straight to a No. But sticking to his earlier stances, he wonât bother you with any of that. There is a truth that he can admit. One thatâs always true and will continue to be so. âJust wanna see you.âÂ
And this is when his eyes slowly shut. Donât. Donât cry.
âMe, too, baby.âÂ
Hearing that? Chipped and broken from your lips? That is another thing Yoongi canât handle. His heart beats once before it free falls, and he clutches his phone just a little tighter.Â
Fuck everything. Heâs gonna find a way to do this. All of it.
âIâll figure it out.â
âYou will?â
Heâll figure out how to move mountains to make it up to both you and your brother.Â
âJust a little longer.â
He has to.
âOkay.â
Neither of you deserve this. And he doesnât deserve either of you. Truly, the only thing he deserves is to be alone. And judging by the way things are going, itâs only a matter of time before you start resenting this behavior and leave, too.Â
âThank you.â
What? Something in Yoongi flickers, and he lifts his whole head to eye his screen.Â
âFor putting up with me.â
Oh. Of course youâd assume youâre the issue. Seems like you need the same type of assurance that he does. Both of you the same? Who wouldâve thought his bruised soul would sync up with a perfect one like yours.Â
At this, he holds his breath before chuckling soft. âThis has been the highlight of my day, doll,â he admits, finally breaking into a tiny smile and sitting back.
âReally?â
Wait. There was another good part of his day. But he wants to save that for when he can tell you in person. âOne of them. But youâll hear about the other one later.â
âBoo.â
Cute. Wait, isnât it absurdly late? You have to be up for work in mere hours. Itâs a miracle you reached out when you did. âDonât you have to be up soon?â
âA ha⊠Yeah.âÂ
âWhat are you still talking to me for?âÂ
âI miss you.âÂ
Well. Thatâs not something that he expected. And your admittance being so immediate actually sends shivers down his arms.Â
Yoongi can only laugh to himself. He knew he had it bad, but this feeling is something else. âDonât do that.âÂ
âDonât do what? Miss you? Yeah, right.â Â
God. Youâre getting too fucking good at this. Heâs gotta fight back or else his throne will be taken before he even sees you again. âJust a bad night to say it, doll.âÂ
âWhy?âÂ
Perfect. âCus Iâm willing to get in the car.âÂ
âFuck.âÂ
Yoongi happily lets his mouth slant when you groan, chuckling into the receiver and getting up to clear the table. When he flicks on the kitchen light, he doubles down, âWanna try again?âÂ
He knows youâre gonna say no. Even though your brother doesnât know, itâs definitely not a proper time to sneak you outâas much as he fucking wants to. Fuck, to be the one sneaking you out of your house⊠Maybe thereâs another version of you both out there thatâs done it. A version of him watching a version of you creeping out to his car, face shining in nightfall and etching a permanent smile into his heart.
âI hate you.âÂ
Yoongi shouldâve expected that. The sudden laugh that flings out into his liquor cabinet ricochets off multiple bottles, and he shuts it while sporting a wide grin. âThatâs better.âÂ
âHa ha.âÂ
Youâre smiling, too. Cute ass. Just the fact that he knows makes him excited for the future, and heâs determined to make it count. Make it worth it. You deserve every goddamn apology he can give. âI miss you, too, babe,â he whispers, grabbing the glasses from the table to wash in his sink.Â
âNu uh! You hate me, too.âÂ
Wait. Did youâŠ
Did you just pout?Â
Hell no, thatâs outright cheating. Thatâs when Yoongi will never be able to win. Putting the phone down, he promptly states his new plan into a basin, âNah, Iâm going to sleep.âÂ
âWait, huh? Why!âÂ
âNothing.âÂ
âI swear to godââÂ
âNothing at all,â Yoongi lies, voice straight as he can muster while hot water runs over his hands. Itâs a good kind of sting as his chilled skin adjusts, and he cleans one glass before he hears you ask in his ear,Â
âGetting ready for bed? Or are you in the kitchen?âÂ
The smallest smile graces his face. âGuess.âÂ
âKitchen.âÂ
The hell? âHowâd you know?âÂ
âYouâre always in there.âÂ
Canât deny that. The glasses are both set to dry in the dishwasher as Yoongiâs amusement dies down, and his next comment flows out before he can think much of it, âYou like to keep me in here.âÂ
âIt does seem to be where we end up, huh?âÂ
âIt does.â Which is fine by him. Heâll never forget all the times youâve been in here. Your laughter and your storms, he will remember them all.Â
âThe world said let them cook.âÂ
Your giggles will be the fucking end of him one day. Fuck, he canât wait to see you. He may even find a way to see you before the game.Â
But for now, Yoongi will figure out how to talk to you, every day, no matter what. Texts, calls, whatever the fuck. The effort has got to show from now on. No more of this dark headspace shit. He needs to try harder and figure it out faster. For you.Â
âGo to sleep, doll,â he huffs with full cheeks.Â
After another adorable batch of sounds, you rustle on the line before sighing,Â
âYou better sleep, too.â
âI will.âÂ
With a blink, Yoongi notices two things. One, he just cleared his table and cleaned up without even thinking. And two, despite feeling like absolute shit the entire day and dreading the coming of night, falling asleep wonât be an issue.Â
Because of you. Itâs always you.Â
Maybe thereâs a way out. Maybe he can finally face it all and come out on the other side. âTalk to you tomorrow, babe.â
âIâd like that. And youâre sure he doesnât know?â
Just like that, the demons are knocking again. Closing his eyes, Yoongi murmurs into the receiver, âIâm sure.âÂ
There will come a time when he will tell you. But that will be way in the future, when he is ready. For now, youâll just have to trust that heâs telling the truth. Not the whole truth, but enough for it to calm your nerves.Â
âOkay. Good night, baby.â
One more heartbeat to get him through the night.Â
âNight, doll.â
When the phone cuts, Yoongiâs hand falls, his stare shifting straight to the living room.Â
Right towards the corner that stares back.Â
Itâs been five days.
But it feels like youâve aged twenty-eight years.
Ever since your brother confronted youâafter your much needed reunion with his best friendâyouâve been floating through time. Lost. Confused. Wondering why that conversation went the way it did and gnawing at your sanity bit by bit.Â
And even though Yoongi explicitly told you he didnât say anything concerning your relationship, you still havenât shaken that feeling. No matter where you are, who youâre with, or on a pretty Friday like this one, you feel⊠Strange.Â
When you saw your brother waiting, you for sure thought you were gonna get grilled. It was a given you were gonna break as soon as he started asking deeper and more specific questions. The fallout was gonna happen in your own house right at your door.Â
âŠSo what in the fuck was that?
You shift your legs, the chill of the office failing to comfort you in your manufactured, building distress.Â
Somehow, that version of the conversation proved much, much worse. Because now youâre spiraling trying to figure out why he just took your lie as the truth. Truthfully, you feel nauseous. And as much as you need to get some semblance of closure, you still feel hesitant. Because if heâs just biding time? Heâs not just thinking about what to do with you.Â
Heâs thinking about what to do with Yoongi, too.Â
This is so hard.Â
The only thingâthe only thingâkeeping you grounded. Is Yoongi himself.Â
Ever since the call you never thought heâd answer, youâve been contacted every night. What was once days of radio silence quickly shifted to him reaching out however he could, hours of the day be damned. Just last night, in fact, Yoongi sent you texts at four in the morning, and you beam just thinking about what he said so casually. Â
Yoongi [3:57am]: That keyboard I told you about is fucking dope. Just got it today and it wonât let me sleep lmaooo
Yoongi [3:58am]: I was gonna say sorry for texting but fuck it youâre getting all the updates :)Â
No matter what it is, be it a text, call, or video chat, Yoongi seems fully committed and in the moment. Present. And itâs been⊠Really nice. If you didnât have your brotherâs shadow hovering over your brain, life would be practically perfect.Â
Forcing yourself to actually work, you manage to get some small things done. Even the meeting you attend goes smoothly and you leave any outside worries on the other side of those glass walls.
So when you get back to your desk, an awaiting paper bag makes you pause. And your whole body prepares to weep.
Only one person has ever sent you food while youâre at work. And staring inside the parcel, you wouldâve been able to tell who it was from even if said person had never sent any before.
Thereâs a small note on top of a to-go containerâone that you immediately recognize as that super good restaurant next to Jungkookâs studio.Â
What the hell? How did Yoongi know you wanted some this whole week but didnât wanna risk being so close? With careful fingers, you pluck the tiny paper from the bag, opening it with care before your eyes get so teary eyed you canât even read.
Tonight. Â
This man.
I got the next one.
This wonderful, charming man.Â
But youâre getting what I need so hereâs the list:
Goddamn it, Min Yoongi.Â
Seeing an actual list of food squeezes a laugh through your throat in a squeak, tears rushing out of your ducts before theyâre hastily swiped.Â
After five days. Yoongi really just sent you on a grocery run to surprise you with another meetup.
The gesture is so him that you cannot help but shake your head, ruefully huffing to no one and pocketing the note in your bag. And all your worries scatter even further.Â
A dinner before the big game is risky, for sure, but at this point you couldnât care less. Your brother has his own work outing tonight, anyway, and you are dead set on breaking all of this to him soon.
Even though you are very much unprepared. And he is going to lose his fucking mind if he doesnât know already. Fuck.
Youâve had all five days to think it over. All the possible combinations and possibilities and outcomes. Some of them are extreme, some of them are hopeful. But for a majority of these projections, you have a feeling that none of you are gonna leave it without wounds.Â
And you donât know how youâre gonna save both of them if theirs are cut too deep.Â
Regardless, thatâs in the future. Not now. Right now, you are staying in the present and working like molasses until you can jet out the door, nary a care nor concern weighing on your heels.
Tonight. Heâs gonna cook for you?
Youâll have the first substantial meal youâve had in months.
Even though you want nothing more than to see Yoongi, your nerves are still buzzing and bumping into each other nonstop. Thereâs a lot you still need to know. Like why he was radio silent for months, and why your brother has been a little weird this whole week.Â
Save it for later. Hopefully Yoongi will tell you why eventually. Or that gap will stay elusive to your brain forever.
Sliding into your car, you dump your bag in the passenger seat before pulling out the list, clutching it close and taking a leap that could either calm your nerves or spike them.Â
Yoongi: Outgoing CallÂ
When he picks up, you legitimately donât answer. Because even after all this time, you still canât quite function when you hear that deep voice addressing you directly.Â
âHey.âÂ
All you have to do is say something. Anything. You could rattle off the damn list, stumbling over all the syllables just like theyâre currently smushed together in your fingers.Â
But you donât snap out of this trance until he speaks again.Â
âHello?âÂ
âHi,â you squeak out, clearing your throat while watching other people walk to their cars. âHi, sorry. I just umm.âÂ
You just what? Somehow lost all sense of language just from him saying hi? Get it together. Stop that racket in your stomach and say what you were gonna say. âThank you for the food. Iâm off work now so Iâm heading to the store.âÂ
He simply huffs a quiet laugh.
âGet whatever you want, too. Just let me know how much it is.âÂ
Huh. Did Yoongi just say all those words in that order? If you heard him right, forget the damn food. Youâre close to speeding directly to his place and breaking down the motherfucking door. âOh, I definitely will,â you respond with instead of hauling ass, the words pushing through your lingering smile. âAnd donât worry about that, I got it.âÂ
âYou sure?âÂ
âYeah! I got big girl money now.âÂ
Yoongi laughs again on the line, fuller and closer this time. Are you on speaker?Â
âItâs like that? Maybe I should work there, too.âÂ
âOh, youâd hate it,â you giggle, scheming hard in your head for tonight already. Pretty bubbles in your ribs lift all your spirits. âIâm actually pretty bossy here.â
The groan that seeps through your car should be illegal.Â
âThat is literally what Iâve been wanting to see.âÂ
Itâs your turn to chuckle as you finally make your way out of the parking lot, heading right to the market that you know for a fact has all of what heâs asking for. âIâm only that way at work, though.âÂ
âDo better.âÂ
Your immediate response makes his laugh crunchy in the speakers, and you go along with him because life is good. Life is fucking great right now. âNever mind, youâre paying. And Iâm getting stuff for dessert now, too.âÂ
âWhat? Who said anything about dessert?âÂ
âMe,â you huff out in pride. Since he wants to see that demanding side come out so bad. With a fleeting thought, you think about what it could be like if you end up confident enough toâÂ
âIâm starting to regret this.â
âRegret what?â
âEverything.â
Liar! Your cheeks hurt as you look both ways before making a turn. âCanât fool me. Youâre excited.â
âI am.â
The way there was no hesitation sends shivers up your spine. But itâs partly because you thought youâd be faced with another joke or dig. Not a sudden one-eighty. Stopping at a light, you clear your throat before shyness puffs right out of it. âWell, good,â you state while checking your mirrors. âCus I am, too.âÂ
âThatâs a given, though.â
âExcuse you.â
Yoongi laughs before you hear the sound of cabinets, and you wonder which ones he could be touching.Â
âMm, babe. One more thing.âÂ
Can he stop making your heart beat two times at once? âHmm?â
Thereâs a little bit of pause, followed by the clank of a pan on metal. When you hear another hum, you wonder what he could possiblyâ
âI think weâre out of condoms.âÂ
Who is out of what. If you werenât still at a red, your foot wouldâve slammed on the gas because what the fuck! All you can manage out are sounds without substance, random syllables, gibberish. Nothing is computing in your head.Â
âWait. Or are we?â
Okay, Yoongi needs to stop with that two-letter word before your behavior turns downright criminal. With as much seriousness as you can manage, you accuse, âAre you just fucking with me?â
And his response launches you forward just as the light turns green,Â
âYeah. Thatâs why weâre out ofââ
âAlright!â you cut in, stopping stopping stopping him because for whatever reason, this conversation is too much. Despite seeing this very man naked in many, many ways, just having this talk with him is making you shier than ever before. âGuess Iâll, umm. Get those, too.â
âNah, you donât have to.â
âOh. Found some?â
âNo.â
Wait. If he didnât find some why is he telling you that you donât have toâ âOh,â you peep in realization. A very sudden, jaw dropping realization. âGoddamn it, youâre too distracting now, bye.â
And he finally breaks with laughter thatâs contagious as hell. Which isnât fair when youâre pretending to be upset with him. Even when you canât see Yoongi, you can imagine the way his cheeks rise and his eyes crease. The way the whole room illuminates when heâs packed with happiness.Â
And you want that to be the case forever.Â
âYouâre just lucky Iâm not there with you.âÂ
âYeah, youâd be annoying as hell.âÂ
âDamn!âÂ
As the market comes into view, your teeth shine as you grin, roasting this man quickly becoming one of your favorite pastimes.Â
âTo be fair,â you start to amend, fingers drumming on the wheel as you decide whether or not to say what you want. After deciding that thereâs no wrong answer here, you softly admit, âI really do wanna get groceries with you.âÂ
Thereâs no words that come out in response. Only the slight movements of shuffling and water running and what could be more cabinets closing. But you donât really know for sureâ
âItâs gonna happen, doll.âÂ
You clutch the wheel.
âCus I want that, too.â
One of these days youâre gonna see this damn cat again.Â
Foot connecting with Yoongiâs door, you grunt as multiple bags burden your limbs, pride digging divots along your armsâsecond trips be damned.Â
It doesnât take long for him to let you in anyway, and you swoon at the way he doesnât even ask while taking some of your baggage. But the kiss on your cheek makes your heart bang into everything between the front door and the kitchen. Itâs so distracting that you barely smell the spices greeting you, too.Â
âThanks for getting all this,â Yoongi says as you both cross onto tile. Â
âOf course.â Lifting the much lighter load that you have, you revel in the small thumps and thuds on his counter. Not really knowing why. âLetâs put this up before I yell at you.â
His laugh comes out in hisses while you both start reaching into bags. âFor what!âÂ
âSent me everywhere to find some of this shit.âÂ
âYou couldâve asked somebody.âÂ
Feeling a bit silly and high off his presence already, you repeat his words in a goofy mocking tone, and the way he blows out air sends your belly fluttering.Â
And just like that, things are back to normal again. No worries about your sibling, or work, or anything else looming by the door. Inside is what matters, and the whole apartment fills with jabs and jokes as groceries find their homes.
But Yoongi finds a bag you had separated from the rest, and you snap your mouth shut when he looks inside, something rising in your core when he turns to you with an eyebrow raised. And a smirk so salacious it makes you quiver.Â
âWhat about it,â you squeak out, crumbling when he simply takes the bag and flings it through his bedroom door. âYou said youâwe were out, soâŠâÂ
âThatâs a big box, doll,â he points out on his way to your tightly bitten lip. Mouth slicing through your sanity, he approaches you with a glint in his eyes. âGot something you wanna say?âÂ
âNope,â you whoosh out oh god he looks way too hot in those sweats wait is that a growing bulge? âAlthough I will say it took me forever to pick out whatââ
Sparks ignite your hands when your lips are claimed, launching them into his shirt and tugging him backward because youâve been waiting way too long to kiss the shit out of him.Â
And Yoongi responds in kind, pinning you to his fridge and so, very obvious that heâs been waiting for this, too.Â
Heaven probably wonders how to replicate this feeling. How to imitate this treasured yearning that only he can pull from the depths of your ocean. Deep, deeper, deepest. All these kisses. Your ascending affection.Â
âAs much as I wanna throw you on my bed,â Yoongi jokes, pulling away and giving your cheek a light tap. âIâm taking you somewhere.âÂ
And youâre so thrown from the impact that your brain mini-resets. âHuh? Weâre leaving?â
âUh huh.â
Hold on. Wait. Is this what he meant when he said heâs getting the next one? Youâre going out to eat? Together? No. No, thereâs no way. Yoongi knows thatâs the worst possible thing to do right now, as much as the idea is sending your belly in a frenzy. âAre you sure? What about dinner? Wonât people⊠You know.â
âItâs ready already,â he reveals. âBy the door.âÂ
Your head snaps to where he points out, even though you canât see through the bar. âReally?â No wonder it smells like a cooking aftermath. All those smells twirling around your head. How did you not even catch the dishes in the sink?Â
But hold up, you just bought a shit ton of food! âThen what the hell was the run for?â
Yoongi blinks. Then he does it again. Expression stone still, he responds as if you were privy to his plans this entire time, âI told you to get what I needed.âÂ
Your turn to blink.
âAnd I needed food.â
This man is going to be the death of you. Affronted, your jaw hangs before you grit through a smile that betrays you, âOh, youââÂ
âSo thanks,â he quips through another tilt of his lips. âLetâs go, doll.âÂ
The begrudged sound that leaves you makes him kick his head back on the way out the kitchen.Â
âEat.â
The container on your thighs warms you through. âNow?â
âMm.â
âI can wait,â you assure, watching as night paints the surrounding scenery in navy and black. âWe can eat together.âÂ
âJust a bite then.âÂ
Turning to Yoongi, you donât see a change in his face as he eyes the road. The veins in his arm catch all the streetlight, and you gulp before your gaze falls to what he made. Music fills the car, and you decide that maybe you do feel a little hungry. So you listen to instruction, popping it open and being careful as you pluck a piece to try.Â
Thereâs no denying it. This motherfucker is a chef. âFuck, this is good.âÂ
Your borderline moan sends Yoongiâs shoulders bobbing, and you will never get over those low, gravelly laughs. âSorry.â Your hand hovers over your mouth in embarrassment. âI donât react like that unless Iâm alone.â
âI donât mind.â
âYeah, well,â you swallow. âCourse you donât.â
A tiny peek of teeth show as Yoongi smiles, and you donât expect what he offers next, âJust be you, doll. Itâs just me.â
The next bite of food pauses on the way to your mouth. âOh,â you murmur. âSame for you then.â
âNah.â
âWhy not?â
âCus we wouldnât make it to where weâre going.â
That was legitimately the worst time to put food in your mouth. Sputtering, your words come out low and chortled, âYou fucker.â
His hisses are brief before he dips into silence again. As he slowly turns the wheel, you can see a glimpse of something deep in his eyes. âIâm sorry,â he suddenly apologizes, swallowing as you keep your gaze.Â
What is that look? Werenât you both just having a good time? âFor what, baby?âÂ
âEverything.âÂ
Your lungs flinch. This is definitely not what you expected to hear on the way to wherever the hell youâre going. âOh.âÂ
Yoongi still doesnât look your way, and with each pass of a light over his face, you catch quick snapshots of those eyes youâre still so shy of. âI, umm. I didnât expect shit to pan out this way.âÂ
âItâs okay,â you whisper.Â
After a slow motion of disagreement, his head falls forward just a bit. And your eyes find his hand clutching the gear shift in what you sadly think is frustration. âIâve just thought about some things,â he starts, another song playing. âHow worried you mustâve been.âÂ
You look forward. Because this is the part where you canât face him. âI was. But not for the same reason as last time.â Without a hesitation of your own, your palm reaches between your seats. And you can tell Yoongi watches as you take his hand to hold.Â
âI was worried about you,â you correct with softness. âIt was hard because I didnât know what to do.â Donât fucking cry. You filled quite a few buckets already. âWhen you started not really saying much, I just⊠Hoped it was for a good reason, so. Yeah.âÂ
You feel your hand gently pulled, which is already enough to make you melt. But when itâs kissed, you donât know what the hell to fucking do.Â
âIâm sorry, doll,â Yoongi whispers into your skin, lips brushing with every syllable and painting a canvas of his reconcile. âI wonât leave you hanging like that again.âÂ
Thereâs a tiny fire in the back of your throat, the embers reaching your eyes just a little too aggressively. You attempt to squash the growing flames before they flare. âOh. Umm. Thank you.â What else do you say? Yoongiâs being wonderful, but why do you feel⊠sad? Why is there lingering snow on your windowsill? âWere you worried?âÂ
âMe? Umm.â He stops at a light that he clearly didnât want to stop at. Resting your conjoined hands on his pliant thigh, his jaw works as he observes them.
And you wonder if he thinks they slot together perfectly, too.Â
ââŠYeah.âÂ
Fuck. âAbout what?âÂ
âThat youâd hate me.âÂ
Your heart meshes his fingers with yours. âYoongi.âÂ
âOr that you shouldnât be with someone thatâs gone this much.âÂ
Fuck, heâs doing it again. Regressing. Youâve seen it happen in his kitchen and youâll be damned if all that work, all that peeling, all that resolution amounted to nothing wait, wait, stop. This isnât gonna be an overnight fix. And you have no clue whatâs been happening, so just keep trying, trying, trying.Â
âIâm used to people leaving,â you joke, but not really. âLike seasons.âÂ
He whips his head to you, and you backpedal because that probably sounded so random. Youâve got to think about filtering your thoughts a little more now that youâre getting comfortable. Yoongi says you can be yourself, sure, but you have to admit your quirks are a little out there. âI know itâs weird, but..âÂ
Heâs quiet as the light turns green. And when you donât finish, he admits, âI think the same.âÂ
âYou do?âÂ
Your hand is brushed as a hum peppers it from above. âMmhmm.âÂ
âWell.â Thatâs interesting. You didnât know anyone thought about that stuff like you did. Now you wonder if thereâs anywhere else your wavelengths sync, and if theyâve been syncing up all this time. âAt least you come back.âÂ
Yoongi squeezes your hand tight before he holds it against his lips. Again. Fuck, this is a lot. Youâre so wrapped up in his gesture that you donât catch what he whispers.Â
âHmm?âÂ
He glances at the center console before putting your hand back on his thigh.Â
âAlways, doll.âÂ
And the fire you stepped on rages back with a vengeance. Heat and sting surrounds your eyes, and you donât hide how you press your feelings into his skin. âMe, too.âÂ
If you werenât lost in the surrounding scenery outside, you would have caught Yoongiâs look. But all you feel is his hand clutching you tight, and it breaks you down all the same.Â
The rest of the drive is spent with him telling you to eat more, and a bunch of your sing-alongs to almost every song that comes on. It seems like the tiny bit of closure opened you both up, and you donât even realize that youâve been on the road for a really long time.Â
But finally, Yoongi pulls up to a building, and youâre haphazardly rapping along to a song before you notice. Wait. What? He drove you to a rec center?Â
Your fingers curl around his forearm before you even notice. âWhatâs this?âÂ
âWhere weâre going.â
Hold on, youâre going inside? âAre we even allowed to be here?â
When Yoongi responds, his teeth make you shiver as he smirks. âCanât say for sure, no.â
âThen whyââ
He unlocks before you can finish, and youâre left in an empty car until he rounds the hood, coming over to your side and opening the door. You almost donât hear what he says next, too focused on the jewelry swinging from his neck as he bends forward.Â
But you catch it, and glance once more at the sight in front of you before biting your lipâin nervousness or excitement, you canât decide.
âYou cominâ?â
Damn. Obviously, you want nothing more than to see him here. And itâs much too late for anyone to be around. But if something happens⊠Whatever.Â
Your mouth finally unsticks. âIf we get caught, youâre gonna pay for this.â
And you canât resist his stupid grin. âNow get your pretty ass out before I put you in the back.âÂ
âYoongi!â
Grinning, he leads you out, and you follow him to the trunk. After bouncing his stowed ball a couple times, he decides to lean in and reach for something else.Â
Wait. Is that what you think it is? âDid you always have that in there?â you ask, pointing to the contraption that Yoongiâs using to air up his basketball.
And he does a horrible job at suppressing a smile. Which makes you burst into flutters and beats beats beats. âYou liar!â Oh, you are gonna wipe those laughs from his throat. âI had to change up my plans because of you!â
Palming the ball, Yoongi tilts his head dangerously to one side. âAnd I got to see you,â he proudly claims. âSo Iâll take it.â
You hate how the memories come packaged with whatâs haunted you. What else happened during that time, and what happened after you left. But thereâs no way youâre gonna bring that up. Not when the night has transformed into something so magical.Â
So you just clutch your food and lean on his car, opting to compliment him to wipe the murk away. âGot to see you, too,â you puff into the brisk night. Because you harbor a bit of nostalgia in your bones. And because he still makes you shy. âYou and your stupid hair.â
Another bout of hisses wisp into your side. As you turn to regard Yoongi again, he slips his chains into his hoodie before continuing, and you swoon at the veins popping out of his skin with each pump.Â
How can he look so perfect doing the simplest things? So unfair.Â
After seconds that feel like an hour, Yoongiâs done. And he scans the parking lot before telling you to follow him.Â
What you expect is some outdoor courts. Maybe getting past a gate or two. So when you approach a back door lit by the shine of a single light, you freeze. âAre we really going in?â
Fishing something out of his pocket, Yoongi simply turns over his shoulder. âYeah. Why not?â
âOh.â You didnât think youâd actually get inside the building. If there was an outside court just as accessible it wouldâve made sense. Can you even bring food in here? Is that question even relevant? âNo reason.â
âSo I shouldnât bust in?â
Huh. âWhat?â
âIâve already done it a few times, so.â
âWait!â Nerves throw your hand on his bicep before you can stop. âWhat if someone sees us?â
Heâs so warm. And so toned. And if he plans on taking his hoodie off? Youâre not prepared for whatever the hell he has underneath.Â
Voice softened, Yoongi tries to placate your paranoia, âThey wonât, doll.â
âAre you sure? If we get caught here theyâre gonna call the police and I am definitely not⊠GonnaâŠâ
The object in his hand jangles, and you clearly see he was just joking the whole time because keysâkeysâstare you in the face.Â
What is it with him and keys?Â
When Yoongi speaks, you feel like youâve never done anything bad in your life, and suddenly the thought of trespassing with an official way in is so scandalous,Â
âYou picked the wrong night to be a good girl.â
You have to admit. Seeing him so mischievous and dashing makes you wanna follow him wherever the hell he goes. Even if it gets you in trouble. Even if you were breaking in tonight, you would be all in. And that thought should frighten you, but it only does because of the wings tickling your rib cage.Â
How can he make you feel rebellious and yet still so shy? The power of Min Yoongi. Heâs way too good at destroying you.
When you glare, the man only grins, hisses of laughter leaving him way too happily before he unlocks the door to no alarms or sirens. He doesnât need to throw a wink your way, too, but of course he does as he lets you in. Which causes you to float through the dark entryway instead of walk oh he did not just slap your ass!
A jolt in your cunt causes you to regard him in shock. To which he hums in a feigned question. âHmm?â
With nothing but darkness and his cologne surrounding you, itâs only natural that giddiness takes hold. Truthfully, youâre packed with so much adrenaline that you feel a little wild yourself. âYouâve been waiting to do that, huh.âÂ
âSo fucking long.â
You are not surviving the night. And you donât give a single shit.
But as shy and out of control as you feel around this man, you also feel safeâeven in a faraway, dark building that youâve never been in before. Thatâs gotta say something about him, right?Â
Yoongi feels along the wall beside you for lights, purposefully bumping your chest with his front even though heâs securing a ball with an arm. When you question his joking decision with noises, a chaste kiss on your lips shuts you right up.
âYouâre in the way,â he jokes through what you think is a smile, and youâre about to move when he flicks on a switch very far away from your shoulder.
Liar! Your jaw drop must be comical because Yoongiâs grin stretches astronomically wide. But you cannot find a retort because seeing him so chill while youâre stiff from paranoia has you at a loss.
Is this how he used to be all the time? This carefree, all caution to the wind? Heâs so fucking handsome like this. No wonder heâs pulled so many hearts just like yours.Â
When you still donât find any words to say, Yoongi makes it harder, stepping so close that you have to swing the plastic container away. Taking one of your hands in his free one, he gives it a warm squeeze while murmuring,
âYouâre so cute.â
âHow,â you ask just as softly.
And Yoongi responds with lights in his eyes. âJust are.â
Your lips mesh with his as he keeps your fingers secured, and suddenly every cautious thing in your body gets launched into the skies, too.
But it ends as soon as it begins. And Yoongi backs away from you with a smile,Â
âEat.â
âHuh?â
âEat, doll,â he orders before turning and dribbling onto the court.
When you call out that he hasnât eaten yet, Yoongi tells you that he already did. When you look around to figure out where to even sit, you decide on the closest set of bleachers and make yourself as comfortable as you can.
Which is impossible. Because theyâre bleachers. Which is now triple impossible. Because Yoongi just shucked off his hoodie and the only thing he had under it was his chains goddamn it.
If you werenât already sitting down you wouldâve fallen right into the next dimension. How the fuck are you supposed to eat in these conditions shit heâs walking over!Â
Your throat seizes as Yoongi approaches, face trained as if he isnât aware of his overwhelming presence. All he does is bend to place his sweater next to your legs. But the quick smooch on your lips makes you swoon harder than you ever have.
And the way his silver taps your chest makes you mentally hold on for dear life. Wait. What the fuck, Yoongiâs taking them off right now? Right in front of you? Just as you're supposed to eat oh okay heâs handing them to you great wonderful fantastic.
The metal links feel so warm yet slightly cold to the touch. Weighty, yet light. But you clutch them in your hand as you connect a gaze to his.
âRelax,â he orders, lightly slapping the side of your thigh. âNo need to worry.âÂ
And with bangs swishing, he goes right back to the ball waiting for him. Leaving you starry-eyed to hell with silver in your palm.
âŠDid all of that just happen? Is any of this even real? Quite frankly, you fucking forgot what you were even worried about.Â
No matter what he doesâsimple lay-ups standing in place, dribbling to different spots to shoot, or even lazily jogging after the ballâyouâre so enthralled with his actions that you forget that youâre not supposed to be here.Â
And it takes your last bite of food for something to finally hit you. How does Yoongi have keys to this place? Where the hell did he score those because you donât think he ever mentioned anything about working here. Or anywhere else other than the studio.Â
Yet another mystery to add to this walking, bare-chested enigma.Â
But thereâs another question forming behind your eyes the longer you watch him practice, the more you notice how heâs actually going hard. Yoongiâs really good right now. A lot better than what youâve seen of him before.Â
Has he been coming here more often than heâs let on? And why does he look so⊠serious? Youâd be surprised if he even remembered youâre here.Â
Setting your empty container down, you gather the chains in your hands again, deciding to slip them over your head for safer keeping. After, you grab a water before stepping down the bleachers, hanging a little ways away until Yoongi notices youâre courtside.
And when he sees you, he stops practicing immediately, jogging to you so sweaty and shining and gross and handsome andâ âWait, youâre all sweaââ
Youâre pulled into a kiss the same time you hear a basketball drop, salt on your tongue and damp palms on your cheeks. And you melt right into the shiny wood floor, drifting, drifting, sailing into dreamland even though youâre technically already there.Â
âSweaty,â you whisper into his hot breaths of exertion, a twinge between your legs when he kisses you even deeperâbreathing, inhaling, taking you in. âGross.â
âThanks.âÂ
You flash a smile against Yoongiâs lips, giggling because this is all better than anything your brain couldâve conjured on its own. When you ask why heâs going so hard, all you get is a question in return,
âYouâre perfect, you know that?âÂ
Huh? Blinking, you suddenly donât remember your own train of thought. âWhat did I do?âÂ
âNothing.â He presses a wet mouth to your nose. âDid you eat?â
Laughing, you reassure him, âI did, I did.âÂ
âGood. You bored?â Â
âHuh?â
Yoongi leans to softly take your lips this time, and you want to say heâs approaching the legal limit for kisses tonight. âThought you came over cus you wanna leave.â
âAnd stop seeing you play? I could watch this forever.â You squeeze the water bottle a little tighter. âJust checking on you.â Another strike hits between your legs when Yoongi takes another, lazier glide over your mouth, and you sigh when he tugs you forward by your bottoms, fingers slick from use.Â
You could do this for eternity, too.
âWell I got about five more minutes in me, so..â
This man.Â
âForever might be a stretch.âÂ
âAh, shut up. Here,â you offer through a giggle, holding the water out for him to take.Â
âThanks.â When he does, he tilts his head at just the right angle to cut you through, gulping down liquid and making you do the same to your nothingness.Â
So unfair. âYou looked like you were going pretty hard.âÂ
Lowering the bottle, Yoongi shifts his jaw before taunting something a ways off. âI kinda was.âÂ
âIt was kinda hot.âÂ
His laugh makes you smile, and his next swig makes you weep. âNah, but. This is our practice gym. I can just zone out here, so. Itâs been one of those things.âÂ
Ah. Was this one of the places Yoongi ended up during those months apart? You wish he couldâve brought you along sometimes. Or at least thought about asking. Itâs nice just to be around him while he does something he likes. Gaining courage, you say exactly whatâs on your mind, âYou can always bring me, too. If you want.âÂ
And itâs true. You donât really have to do much when youâre with him, because just being around him is what brightens your day. Lifts your mood.Â
But you have to admit that watching him play basketball while shirtless is the biggest fucking win in history.Â
When did Yoongi get so close? When did his eyes retreat so far away? âI didnât wanna bother you with this,â he admits, a drop of sweat clinging onto his chin. âI donât even put music on.âÂ
âYou never bother me,â you whisper back. Hoping that he believes you and that he will start to accept that as fact. Because it is. âEven if youâre being annoying.âÂ
The bottle crinkles as he smiles, and thereâs a soft kiss to your lips that has no real desire behind it. Just a nice peck that sends you careening down a hill of flowers. âYou wonât be feeling that way tomorrow, babe.âÂ
âAnd why is that?â
âCus of what Iâm wearing.âÂ
And he says that while half-naked? Like any look on him could get any worse. âOh,â you scoff out, fully calling his bluff. âAs if.â
Well, fuck. You donât enjoy the smirk plastered on his face. It has you both dreading and excited for whatever demon youâre gonna run into tomorrow. âDonât say I didnât warn you.â He shrugs as he starts to hand the water back. âWe can go soon, by the way.â
âOkay.â
But before you can grab it, Yoongi pulls the bottle from reach. âUnless,â he teases. âYou wanna play me.â
âWhat.â
His grin shines, face glistening and turning your insides to jelly. âYou told me youâd win, so. Letâs see it.â
You said that? While sober? How does he remember something like that when you canât even recall a time or place youâd tell him something so bold. âWhen!â
âRight after you woke up once. Said youâre a master?â
Oh. That was ages ago. Fuck, you already forgot how did Yoongi remember?Â
âOh. Well.â Your nose turns up in feigned haughtiness. âWouldnât wanna throw you off your game before a championship.âÂ
âUh huh.â
âIâd make you cry what the fuck!âÂ
Water spills down your head in rivulets as you freeze, stunned and watching Yoongi jogging his laughs back to the bleachers like a punk. âThink you got something on your face, doll.â
âYoongi!â What the hell possessed him to do that to you here? Racing after him with purpose, you slam into him just as he reaches for another bottle, shoving a laugh out of his throat and making him catch himself on hardwood. âNu uh, gimme that!â
âItâs mine, I just ran outââ
âBitch!â You lunge for another bottle lying further away, distancing yourself to quickly rip the cap off and to avoid feeling his slick back on your hands.Â
And itâs a lawless gym as both of you start spraying water, arcs and splashes of bottled liquid spewing over the court and soaking into your clothes and his bare skin. Which proves to get worse and worse for your wellbeing the more he gets soaked in your attacks.Â
Running ends up being the only option to avoid getting completely drenched, and you hightail it behind bleachers before your waist is grabbed. âFuck!âÂ
âUh huh.âÂ
You try to wrestle out of his hold, his wet forearm digging lovely into your stomach, and youâre temporarily let go just so Yoongi can spin you around.Â
Your back connects with solid wall, the impact shooting a grunt out of your throat before you laugh out of pure disbelief. âI canât believe, you got me to do that,â you rush out, sentence punctuated by your breaths more than anything else.Â
Here you are. Under bleachers. With Yoongiâs skin caging you with radiating heat. Â
You can only stare as he drinks you in, no doubt looking at his silver around your neck and your chest heaving from exertion. Butterflies float across your stomach when his smile drips, and you fold as soon as he swoops in.Â
Everything in your being pulses hard. Itâs so visceral that you teeter on the edge of sanity and logic, and the thoughts slipping through your mind are just as wild as you feel. Before youâre even aware of it, a mischievous finger slides along the hem of his shorts, and you jump at the downright boulders rolling down your front,Â
âCareful, doll.â
âHmm?â You feel bad. And it feels fantastic. âWhat was that?âÂ
More gravel slides down his tongue, and you shake at his attractive as fuck threat, âFuck around and find out then.âÂ
Your giggles add feather lightness into his murky laughs, but youâre so preoccupied that you donât notice his hand between your legs until he slaps the inside of your thigh. âYooâ!â
âUnless.â He leans forward. âMy babyâs too scared.âÂ
Holy fuck, you might be. Is he really willing to do something with you? In a public place very similar to where youâre gonna watch him play tomorrow? You donât know why the fuck thatâs attractive as hell, but it is.Â
Yoongi grips your chin, eyes falling to your lips and brows knitted before claiming your lips even harder. And despite your bones vibrating to hell, you put your all into the kiss, relishing in the growing hardness you feel against your front. An animal starts to wake inside your core, and you almost feel like stroking it. Feeding it. Raising it only for it to consume you in return.Â
âFuck it, weâre leaving.âÂ
âHuh?â Dazed, you let your vision refocus as Yoongi chuckles at your hazy state.Â
âFuck this. Iâm taking you home.âÂ
For some reason, the game makes you nervous today. Even while Taehyung strides into the gymnasium with you, thereâs a lingering feeling swelling in your stomach, and you donât have any reason for it yet.Â
At least this is another rec center entirely. Because thereâs no way you wouldâve sat still knowing you had a clandestine meeting in the same place not even twenty-four hours before.Â
But the activity already bustling around hardwood catches your attention. Not on both sides, since only one team is here, but they are active on the other end doing drills.Â
Wow. They look really intimidating, matching jerseys that were clearly done professionally and warm-ups having a set routine. You wonder if this is gonna be a tough game for⊠Wait. Thatâs your brother under the basket. Thatâs them?Â
Fucking hell, Yoongi was right.
Because youâll already never get over how attractive he looks in athletic clothes.
But team jerseys?Â
Seeing this man rock a basketball uniform with his toned arms and legs so visible makes you want to claw your way out of your invisible cage.Â
When the hell did they even get those? And why is he already slightly drenched during the warm-up alone?Â
As soon as you see him make a lay-up, you know for a fact that you shouldnât be here.Â
Yes, youâre gonna stay and yes, youâre gonna cheer for them all game. But you are absolutely gonna feel like jumping him, which will in turn make you wanna bolt and run all the way out of town every agonizing second.Â
Shit, shit, shit. Youâre gonna have to try your damned hardest to unstick your eyes from that man the whole time. Already, you can hear Taehyungâs teasing, and your groan is to lament your future state.
Your name suddenly rings across the gym, and four feet pause in your ascent up the bleachers. When you catch both him and Jimin waving you down from their courtside chairs, you tilt your head in intrigue.Â
They want you to come over there? What the hell is this about?Â
Sighing, you turn. âGuess Iâll go see what they want.âÂ
âHere,â Tae offers his hand. âIâll save you a seat.âÂ
Your bag is transferred to his grip while you nod, and you step down onto the court, wondering if youâre even allowed to walk onto it to see them. And Jiminâs grin can be seen from miles away. âCome here!âÂ
You gingerly step onto shiny wooden floors, making your way over and becoming hyper aware that someone else notices your presence. But youâre so puzzled as to why thereâs no one on the other side of the court yet because isnât the game about to start?Â
Whereâs the other team? As you approach their row of chairs, your hands immediately find your hips. âWhatâs up?âÂ
Jiminâs eyes stay creased as your brother explains the reason he waved you down. A very stupid, very innocuous reason. âCan you keep score?âÂ
âMe?âÂ
âYeah.âÂ
âWhy me?âÂ
Your brother uses his jersey to wipe sweat from his brow, and you wince at the brand new material getting gross already. âThe girl that usually does it for us is sick.âÂ
âAnd you know the game,â Jimin quickly tacks on, rubbing at some tattoos on full display. Wait, are there more than you remember? When did he get more ink?
Your sibling asks another question you had in mind, âYou arenât gonna cover those?â
âNah. Not today,â the man elongates in a stretch. âJust got another one. This one!âÂ
Ah, you were right. âI like it.âÂ
Jimin couldnât look more proud. But enough of that because you really just wanna go back and observe the game from another place entirely. âCanât yâall find someone else to keep score?âÂ
âWe donât think anyone else can,â your brother explains, looking over your shoulder. âAt least, not the people coming to watch us.âÂ
Cool. You get to be met with heat and sweat from all these guys without compensation. How is this something you would say yes to? âWell. I donât really feel like being a scorekeeper for free.âÂ
When your sibling laughs with Jimin, they share a look before he says so matter-of-factly, âTold you.âÂ
Youâre sticking with that. If youâre gonna sit next to a bunch of smelly people, theyâre gonna pay⊠you⊠somehow.
A ways down the row, you catch Yoongi dumping himself onto a random chair, head tilted back before he hangs it forward to wipe sweat from his forehead.Â
And suddenly this temporary gig doesnât seem terrible in the slightest.Â
Because one, you can sit on a team bench that will have his fine ass right there. And two, this will give you a way to objectively focus on the game. You wonât have time to be distracted by a demon and his hair thatâs gotten criminally long.Â
âIâll get us all dinner,â your sibling slices through your thoughts. âAfter we win.â Â
âFine,â you sigh, taking the end seat and shooting one more glance to the other side of the court. âThen I get to pââ
The air around you squeezes inward. And all sounds plunge underwater.Â
Because you recognize someone you knew from a dark club walking onto the court, his team looking just as sharp and cocky as his eyes.Â
Shit. Shit, shit, shit.Â
You donât notice the way Jiminâs hands flex, nor the way a familiar presence walks up to join your brother.Â
All you can do is stare back.Â
And without even realizing.Â
Youâre already rubbing your arm.
-
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tbc. :((
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a ha ha... so how do we feel? | taglist | discord!
a/n: okay, hello, loves. apologies this part took so damn long to post! can you imagine if i tried to post everything at once LMAOO yikes talk about too much at once. but i hope this part was enough to still be good on its own, and broken, pt. 2 will be... well. you can probably guess that's where a majority of my brainpower is going to go.
a/n 2: thank you all for being here! it's been an amazing two years working on this series and i cannot tell you how grateful and appreciative i am to have such wonderful people alongside me. i hope this series continues to be there for you when you need it, bc it has become that for me, too.
++ feedback box:
â„ of course, any reblogs/comments/messages are appreciated!
â„ for the ones that are too shy to reblog with a review, comment on this, or send a message, i went ahead and made another anonymous form where you can send in what you think!
â„ no emails collected, no need to put in a username. itâs literally just a comment dropbox :D feedback can be as short/sweet or as long as youâd like!
â„ here!
++
more links:
â„Â masterlistÂ
â„Â three tangerines masterlist
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12 with rafe I'm begging đđ
you ask and I shall deliver đ«Ą I hope you like this nada <3 do let me know your views on this! đ©·
especially you
PAIRING: soft!rafe cameron x gn!reader
SUMMARY: there are some things Rafe will do especially just for you.
WARNINGS: established relationship, very much hates everyone but you, the reader is a perfectionist - in constant need of academic validation (it is me guys đ), fluff, usage of nicknames like babe, baby, sweetheart, minimal swearing
EDITH SPEAKS: this is kind of self indulgent đ need me a man who does this for me đđ anyways, yes yes we are kickstarting the fics for the 600 celly! If you were there for my 300 celly, I know how late I got with those requests and I am so sorry about that đ„Č I promise I will try my best to not let that happen this time đ„Č
please reblog if you liked reading this! feedback is always appreciated âČ
a lil note: the song below is used just as the title, and its lyrics aren't used as an inspiration.
PROMPT REQUESTED: âCâmere. Sit down. Tell me whatâs going on.â
600 followers celebration || navigation
You sigh as you shut your laptop close, maybe a little too aggressively for your liking, but honestly, you couldnât care less. You slump your head on the kitchen island in your arms, a headache already starting to creep in your head.
Itâs barely week three in your new semester and youâre already piled upon with readings over readings, essays over essays, assignments over assignments, and you barely have any time with yourself or your boyfriend.
âWhat the actual fuck Kelce!â He groans. âGet your shit together man!â This is just the bare minimum of what he is actually saying. It doesnât help your situation though, your headache only pulsating more harshly, making you groan in pain.
Speaking of your boyfriend, heâs sitting in the living room, headphones in as he almost yells into the microphone, as his thumbs run rapidly over the controls of the controller gripped tightly in his hands. Curse words followed by his friendsâ names leave his lips, as his gaze is fixated on the screen in front of him.
You sigh as you look at him. He does not go to university because just as he graduated high school, his father passed his business onto him.
âNo no no no no no!â He yells, âgod what the fuck is wrong with you guys?â
His deep voice booms in your ear, and you squeeze your eyes shut, holding your head in your hands as you gently press your temples, but it does not work; Rafeâs voice level only increases with time, and it bothers you more and more.
âRafe!â You yell out completely exasperated, from your place in the kitchen island. He doesnât even look at you, and you realize you werenât loud enough for your voice to penetrate through his headphones.
You get up from your chair and saunter over to Rafe, gripping his headphones and yanking them off. âShut up!â You snap, as you toss his headphones to the side and leave the living room, stomping off to your bedroom.
Rafe watches you go away, completely stunned. He takes a deep breath before picking up his headphones. âWeâre pausing it for now, and no, I will not hear any shit from either of you,â He fumes in the microphone and shuts off the game before making his way to the bedroom. As he enters inside quietly, he sees you are standing in the balcony, leaning against the railing as you look out, a stressed look on your face.
âBabe,â he says softly as he steps out to the balcony, wrapping an arm around your waist. âWhat's wrong?â
âNothinâ,â you mutter under your breath, not tearing your eyes away from the sky stretched out in front of you to look at him.
When he detects your reluctance to talk, or to even lean into his touch, he lets out a sigh, his arm dropping back to his side as he sits down on one of the chairs in the balcony.
A few moments pass in utter silence, as all you both here is the sound of the birds chirping in the distance, cars rushing past the streets, and the soft breeze blowing against your skin.
Your back is towards him as he watches you stand next to the railing; he can tell you are completely tense from your stance, the way your shoulders arenât relaxed, your jaw is clenched a bit, and you are gripping the railing a little too lightly.
âBabyâŠâ he calls out softly, âCâmere. Sit down. Tell me whatâs going on.â He says. Heâs determined to not let you go unspoken this time, ready to even pull you into his arms if needed.
To his surprise, you donât deny as you trod to the empty chair next to him and sit down. His arm instantly wraps around your shoulders and he pulls you in his side. He presses a long, yet soft kiss on your forehead, rubbing your arm in a soothing motion.
âIâm sorry if I was too loud baby,â he mumbles against your hairline, âI absolutely didnât mean to bother you so much,â
You let out a deep exhale as you shake your head. âItâs okay Rafe, I was just⊠too tense already and that just put me over the edge, I guess,â you murmur softly.
âWhatâs been keeping you tense then hm?â He asks, pressing another kiss to your forehead, his feeble attempt to comfort you as much as he can.
âThis semesterâs already kicking my ass,â You sigh. âI already have a shit ton of work to do, and itâs just the third week? I spend all my day doing this shit and I still canât catch up with it. I barely have time for myself or to spend with you,â
Rafeâs grip tightens a bit on you as he pulls you in closer to himself. âYou know I would typically say that it doesnât matter, donât stress too much, donât work so hard blah blah blah, but I know you well enough to know it doesnât work on you,â he says and he sees a small smile form on your face. âNo matter what Iâll say, you will work hard and put in 120% effort for something which doesnât even count that much for your grade. And you know how much I appreciate that about you, youâre insanely hard working,â a small smile on his lips as his other hand holds onto yours.
âBut you know what I can do?â He continues. âI can take great care of you. You donât have to worry about your meals; Iâll take care of them. Iâll watch a movie, give you kisses and cuddles, or do anything you want when you take a break; which, by the way, Iâll make sure you take. Whenever I see the moment, Iâll take you out wherever you want to go. I donât want you to take unnecessary stress of the new semester sweetheart, because I know youâll make it through it okay? You 100% will, I know that.â
You turn to look at him, a softened look in your eye. All his words slowly sink in you, and you realize you donât have to take as much pressure of the new semester as you were. You rest your head on his shoulder and softly nod. âThank you RafeâŠâ you whisper.
âThereâs nothing to thank me for you sweetheart, I am your boyfriend, this is the least I can do,â he smiles as he presses another kiss to your forehead.
You slowly feel your tensions melt away as you sit with Rafe on your balcony under the warm afternoon sun, your body muscles relaxing and the stress laying heavy on your mind gradually withering away.
This is one of the moments where you realize Rafeâs the one.
â¶àłâ§Ë. â â· ËË-
TAGLIST: @runningfrom2am @saccharinesammie @maybankslover @totalswag @madelynie @chenslucy @ietss @elle-mp3 @viawritesstuff @wallsdreams @lunalitva @sadfury @newsies-pape-girl @jamesbuckybarneswify @xxxlaura @thatsthewaythechrissycrumbles @callsignwidow @starkowswife @drewstarkeyswifehoe @jjchaer @f4ll-for-you @wearemadeofstardust0 @drewsmusee @rafegirly @addriaenne @leighbronk @rafesdrew @bejeweledreverie @raf3sgff @aerangi @drewstarkey1bae @moneymaybank @spideysimpossiblegirl @the-tortured-poets-depxrtment
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đđđŹđđąđ§
pairing: charles leclerc x reader ; carlos sainz x reader
face-claim: gigi hadid
summary: in which after knowing about reader pregnancy, charles decided to make everything right.
warning: mention of pregnancy, exes!, paparazzi. use google translate,swearing. english is not my native language! does not have any pregnancy experience!
so iâll made this mini series with 2 ending, one will be reader end with charles and other one will end with carlos (ofc if reader end up with carlos which mean the reason why reader and charles broke up will change too)
more importantly: reader you can suggest any baby girl name too!! or baby boy idk đ©đ also suggest some drama and stuff ideas!!
if you wanted to add into taglist please reply or dm me
read part 01
yourusername
Liked by carlossainz55 and others
yourusername With my bestie! @/carlossainz55
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carlossainz55 Bestieeee
yewenmitle Love their friendship already!!!
roseross How can they be so cute not even trying
‷ yourusername Born natural đ„ž
dailypaparazzi
2,799,678 likes
dailymail Y/n Y/l/n and Carlos Sainz spotted having a cozy dinner in Monaco
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friendsaddictedd Oooh sound âšROMANTICâš
kiearre She looks serious tho, her face
livinginthedprm Everybody saying Carlos has a crush on Y/n. HE DESERVE TO BE LOVE TOO!! they would be so cute together
f1lovelifeupdates
58,510 likes
f1lovelifeupdates Charles Leclerc has confirmed that he and Megan have broken up a months ago, after 2 months of dating. And he also confirmed that his ex-girlfriend, Y/n, is pregnant with their first child.
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haileylee Ok, I donât really care about them⊠all I need to know is Charles know about the baby?
charlessbaby I missed them so much!!!
ppeeeepss Megan, sheâs wonderful, pretty and talent how can this happen. I just hope heâs not get back with Y/n
‷ lovensfw Honey, we know but heâs a grown man so I think it is very important to know whatâs âresponsibilityâ mean đ also Y/nâs PERFECTLY FINE!!!
yourusername
Liked by charles_leclerc,carlossainz55 and 8,610,350 others
yourusername đ¶đ©âđŒđ
Hello everyone!
Recently, there have been photos of me and of course, photos of me pregnant that were unintentionally leaked. And that's also the reason why I spoke up about this, (why do I sound so serious, haha) anyway, it's been a while and it's time to share with you guys.
Since you love me, you deserve me to share your joys with you. Yes, I'm pregnant and my baby is 8 months old!! time flies, since the day I announced that I would take a temporary break for a while because I felt OVERWHELM, that actually was the time I wanted to devote all my time to taking care of myself as well as my baby, prepare to be a mommy. And I am truly grateful to all of you who have sent me kind words and wishes, I truly appreciate it!!
Love you all so much! Also, I still don't know what to name our baby, so I need your suggestions
ITâS A GIRL!! (reader also can suggest a name too!!)
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lolamckaylee Congrat to you Y/n
_josephinee Whoâs the baby daddy?
‷ ynsqueen Itâs Charles Leclerc
‷ _josephinee Wait I thought he dating someone else, and knock her up?
‷ johnsongreen HIM AND MEGAN BROKE UP!!
carlossainzstuff_
1,681 likes
carlossainzstuff_ Carlos has mention Y/n on today âWe asked Carlos Sainz what F1 fan really want to knowâ by P1 with Matt & Tommy.
Tommy asked Carlos if he knew that F1 fans were very curious about the relationship between Carlos and Y/n after the photos taken by paparazzi when they spend sometime at Monaco.
TOMMY: Did you know that every F1 fan here wanted to know if you and Y/n are a thing?
CARLOS: Weâre bestfriend, bff
TOMMY: But there are also had that one question that has been ask alot thatâs âAre having a crush on Y/n?â
CARLOS: Itâs really hard to not fall for her, sheâs so kind and everything. Everybody love her, how can I not
TOMMY: Yea, Itâs true. And you also know that sheâs pregnant right?
CARLOS: She look espléndida
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carloswifee Heâs madly in love with her, NOT crushes, just LOVE
yncarlossainzs The way his eyes look at them when they mention of Y/n is wholesome, he talk about her like a proud boyfriend
ferarrilovrs__ Thinking of when theyâre really dating, ahh I canât stop kicking my feet!!
carlossainzsidechick SOMEONE KISS HIM ON THE FOREHEAD RIGHT NOW!!!!!
[ to be continue ]
( taglist ) @janeholt3 @formulas-bitch @celestialams @aundercover
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