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femsolid · 1 year ago

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Male celebrities who've attacked women.

an endless list

Shia Labeouf (Actor)

Has sexually assaulted, verbally abused and harassed several women. Strangled his ex. Shot a dog to "get in character for a movie". Has cheated on every girlfriend he's ever had and knowingly given them STDs.

Elvis Presley (Singer)

Has sexually assaulted several underage girls (as young as 14) and married one of them. A woman his own age was deemed "too old for him". He only wanted to have sex with virgin girls. When his young wife told him she didn't love him anymore and wanted separation, he became violent and raped her.

Dustin Hoffman (actor)

Has sexually harassed and assaulted mutliple women including a minor.

There's always more...

Cuba Jr Gooding (actor)

Has raped multiple women and no less than 30 women have come forward accusing him of sexual asssault.

Mel Gibson (actor, director)

Beat his wife.

Jared Leto (Singer,actor)

Has sexually harassed and raped several uderage girls.

Roman Polanski (Director, actor)

Has raped multiple women and children. Has admitted to drugging and raping a 13 years old then fled to France to escape justice. People still work with him and he's still receiving awards.

Armie Hammer (Actor)

Ben Affleck (actor, director)

Has raped multiple women and violently assaulted them. Sent a series of texts to his ex saying he was masturbating while picturing himself breaking her bones. Actor Robert Downey Jr has paid for his "rehab" and offered him to live in one of his houses.

Has sexually assaulted several women.

Casey Affleck (actor)

Has sexually harassed and assaulted several women.

Gerard Depardieu (Actor)

Has sexually harassed, abused or raped at least 13 women and is currently being investigated for it. Was shown, in a documentary, sexually harassing every woman he would come across. In the same documentary, he also made repeated sexual remarks about a little girl.

Snoop Dogg (Rapper)

Used to be a human trafficker driving around with a van full of girls he would sell to men, sometimes to a whole athlete team. He claimed he could have sex with any of the prostituted women he owned anytime he wanted. He was married at the time. He wrote multiple rap songs about beating up women to make sure we're kept under control, calling us sexist slurs. He was recently accused of sexual assault by multiple back up dancers.

Charlie Chaplin (actor)

Raped a child and got her pregnant. Later at the age of 48 he married a 18 years old girl.

There's always more...

David Bowie (singer)

Raped a 15 years old girl when he was 25 and committed statutory rape on a 14 years old when he was 17. He's been well known for preying on minors well into his 40s, including two 16 years old girls he took home one night. According to one of the victims, to groom them into a threesome he put his song "let's dance" on, got naked and danced, then told the girls to get naked and dance with him. They did, and he raped one of them. The other refused to participate as she was a virgin and didn't want her first time to be meaningless.

Jack Nicholson

After raping 2 prostituted women he refused to pay them. He beat them up and tried to kill one who ended up at the hospital. She pressed charges.

Donald Trump (US president)

Has sexually harassed and assaulted multiple women.

Vincent Van Gogh (painter)

Has harassed and assaulted multiple women, even following them home. A petition was therefore created by the locals to have him removed from the community and put in a hospital.

Sylvester Stallone (actor)

Raped a 16 years old girl.

James Franco (actor)

Has sexually harassed and assaulted multiple women and a minor. He would use his "acting lessons" and classes to manipulate his female students into doing sexual things.

Chris Brown (singer)

Beat his partner and raped another woman.

Freud (psychoanalyst)

Has facillitated the sexual abuse and rape of his female patients, some were children, protected rapists and participated in the disfigurment of a female patient in particular. He claimed his reluctant female patients were hysterical, lesbians and witches.

Marlon Brando (actor) and Bernardo Bertolucci (director)

Both raped an actress on set.

There's always more...

Dominique Strauss-Kahn (politician, formally head of the monetary fund)

Has sexually harassed multiple women and raped a roomkeeper at the hotel he was staying in.

Johnny Depp (actor)

Has been arrested multiple times for violence. Has raped and beaten his ex wife and called her a whore (among other things), notably commenting on the "fishy" smell of her vulva and writing about how he wants to kill and rape her to death.

Emile Hirsche (actor)

Assaulted a female collegue. She was a film executive and he strangled her before throwing her to the ground.

Woody Allen (director)

Has assaulted and raped multiple women, including his adoptive daughter who was 7. People still work with him and he's still receiving awards.

Cee Lo Green (singer)

Has raped a woman and explained on twitter that it wasn't rape, because "if the woman is unconscious it implies consent".

Nicholas Cage (actor)

Beat his wife.

Terrence Howard (actor)

Beat his wife and threatened to kill another woman.

Tupac (rapper)

Raped a woman.

Luc Besson (director)

Married a 16 years old girl and beat her. Raped another woman and sexually harassed several others. Despite this, many famous actors still work for him.

There's always more...

Ike Turner (musician)

Beat his wife.

Mike Tyson (boxer)

Beat his wife and raped a woman (was even convicted for it, yet he remains beloved celebrity.)

Sean Penn (actor)

Beat his wife.

Tariq Ramadan (theologist)

Has raped and sexually harassed multiple women.

Morgan Freeman (actor)

Has sexually harassed at least 15 women.

Charlie Sheen (actor)

Beat his wife.

Nelly (singer)

Has raped and sexually assaulted several women.

Steven Seagal (actor)

Beat his wife. Sexually assaulted several female collegues.

Mickey Rourke (actor)

Beat his wife.

There's always more...

Slash (musician)

Beat his wife.

Louis C.K (comedian)

Has sexually harassed multiple women.

Christian Slater (actor)

Beat his wife.

Victor Hugo (poet)

Raped prostituted women on the regular and was abusing his wife.

Quentin Tarantino (director)

Has sexually harassed multiple women and protected several rapists.

When discussing what Roman Polanski did (drugging and sodomizing a 13 years old girl) Tarantino said it wasn't rape, that the child wanted it, that the child was Polanski's girlfriend, that an actual rape is violent and that this one wasn't. When the radio hosts told him that the girl was clear about not wanting any of what happened, Tarantino responded that her interfering mother had coached her to say that.

Yanni (musician)

Beat his wife.

Michael Douglas (actor)

Sexually harassed a woman.

Josh Brolin (actor)

Beat his wife.

Cristiano Ronaldo (footballer)

Raped a woman and admitted doing it. No one cares.

There's always more...

R Kelly (singer)

Raped and tortured many, many girls.

Franck Ribéry, Karim Benzema et Sidney Govou (footballers)

Acted as pimps and sexually exploited a minor.

Joe Biden (USA president)

Has sexually harassed several women and girls.

Seal (singer)

Has sexually assaulted a woman.

Julian Assange (whistleblower)

Has raped multiple women. Assange has written about his obsession with impregnating virgin women and he has alread impregnated several women (who are now single mothers). The rapes he's accused of all involved him trying to impregnate the women without their kowing. He is a fervant anti-feminist and racist. He's still supported by most of the left and celebrated as a hero.

Michael Fassbender (actor)

Assaulted his ex multiple times. One time he threw her and dragged her alongside their car. Her injuries included a swollen ankle, a burst ovarian cyst, a broken nose, and a blown out kneecap.

Oscar Pistorius (athlete)

While his wife had taken refuge in the bathroom he shot 4 times through the door with a gun, effectively killing her. He'll be out of prison next year after spending 10 years behind bars.

Morgan Ciprès (figure skater)

Sexually harassed a 13 years old via messaging.

Has sexually harassed multiple women.

Joaquin Phoenix (actor)

Kurt Cobain (singer)

Tried to rape a mentally disabled girl, a "retard" as he'd say, but gave up because her "vagina" smelled too bad. Later the girl's father came to find him and screamed that he had taken advantage of his daughter. Cobain was therefore nicknamed the "retard fucker" by his classmates.

There's always more...

But I'm tired.

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thebowieconstricker · 1 year ago

Note

Hello! I saw you wanted requests for Lucifer, and I would love any sort of angst where Lucifer ends up comforting the reader, like maybe something happened to the reader, or the reader is just really stressed and just breaks down

Ease My Mind

(Lucifer Morningstar x reader)

masterlist link

AN: To this request: yes yes yes yes YES I just KNOW that he gives the best hugs and is so ready to comfort the people he loves. For this fic, I decided the angst is a little of everything, job struggles, moral dilemmas, and some self-doubt, so I hope I delivered. This isn’t proofread so please alert me to any errors! Thank you for your request! <333

Summary: You have a bad day at work and it triggers a breakdown. Luckily, your big bad boyfriend is here to help.

Tags: Gender neutral reader, could be read as platonic if you reeeeally squint but it’s implied romantic, heavy on the angst, a dash of fluff, Lucifer is trying his best, you guys are precious.

Warnings: Reader is afraid they’re being used by the people around them and they have lots of thoughts about being useless and others not liking them.

Also, the title is inspired by the song “Ease My Mind” by Ben Platt, go listen to it! Enjoy ya heathens!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You’ve been used by others for your entire life.

And now you were stuck in that same cycle in death.

As a young, naive, alive-person, you were desperate for some one to love you. Growing up in an environment where compassion was scare, you decided that the only way to get people to notice you was by offering to help them in some way. A favor, a ride, somewhere to crash, and, for one specific person, a place to hide the bodies. In life, you had gotten so deep into your desire to please others that you had latched onto the first person to give you the time of day. Unfortunately for you, that individual happened to have a thing for serial killing.

Looking back on it now as you miserably walked back to the hotel, tears threatening to fall down your face, you couldn’t think about anything other than how stupid and useless you were. It was your fault that they were found out, your fault that the innocents were dead in the first place, your fault you were stuck in hell and that fucker was still out there.

How much time had passed on Earth? How many more had they killed?

On most days, you could compartmentalize, putting the bad thoughts in a little box and shoving it in the back of your brain, but work had broken you today. You worked for the Vees, specifically Velvette, and it was no secret how they overworked and abused their staff. You were stuck picking up Velvette’s leftover energy drinks for as long as she had control of your soul.

And yet. You thought maybe someday, someday you might make a connection. You might impress her, or surprise her, or something, and maybe she would give you a break.

But no. Today you had been an hour late for the first time and Velvette had screeched at you, calling out all of your flaws and insecurities and bringing all of the horrible memories that you had oh-so-carefully stowed away to light. But you held back tears and did your fucking job, the emotions boiling all day and the hectic office space doing nothing to calm it.

You had needed this cry for a long time, and now there was no stopping it.

Walking along the brimstone pathways, you finally made your way to the rickety Hazbin Hotel. Its incomprehensible height only worsened your now growing headache as you walked up to the doors, grabbing the handles and swinging the heavy iron frame and red-stained glass open.

You immediately started towards your room, but you were blocked by the obnoxiously cheery Princess of Hell herself, Charlie.

Charlie’s not obnoxious, you’re so vile for thinking that.

Shit, the thoughts were getting worse and you could not do this right now.

Charlie, oblivious to your mood, smiled brightly. “There you are! How was work? I’ve got someone here who’s been waiting-“

You shoved past her, bumping her harshly.

“Not in the mood.”

Charlie frowned in confusion behind you.

“But, wait, hey-“ You ignored her pleas and- ah shit, now Angel’s in front of you.

“Hey, babe, you might wanna hang around for a sec-“

You shut your eyes tightly and moved your hands towards his chest, your fight or flight kicking in as you pushed him.

“ANGEL, leave me alone.”

Why would you yell at Angel like that? He’s just being nice.

Shut up shut up SHUT UP

Everything was only getting worse. You bolted to the grand staircase and raced up the steps. As you sped down the seemingly infinite hallways, the tears you had been fighting back for the last millennia finally fell. With a choked sob, you finally spotted your bedroom and lurched for the doorknob, swinging the door open and slamming it behind you as you bursted into your room. You ran to your bed and grabbed a pillow, hugging it tightly as you loudly cried.

Charlie only keeps you here because she needs the guests, you know. She hates you. They all hate you. They wish you weren’t here. You’re just lying there, crying, why would they want you?

The hateful thoughts were all you could hear in your mind. As you pulled your knees to your arms holding your pillow, you wanted nothing more than to disappear. To just pop out of existence and finally be free of the burden of yourself.

Then, suddenly, three knocks at the door.

“GO AWAY.” You screamed, throat on fire from your sobbing.

A voice came from outside. A smooth, relaxed, kind male voice.

“It’s me, hon.”

You froze, terrified. Quickly you climbed to the floor on the left side of your bed, blocking your body from the view of the door. You took several deep breaths, trying to steady your nerves.

“Come in.” You said shakily.

You heard the door creek open, then footsteps.

“Where ya hiding these days?” He awkwardly chuckled, clearly trying to lighten up the mood you were in.

“Just- stay over there.” You were still holding your pillow, and you gave it an extra squeeze.

“I’m a mess right now.” You sniffled.

He paused, like he was thinking. “Well, if that’s what you want, but I hope you know by now that I’m always happy to see you. Even when you’re a mess.”

You felt the bed shift. He was sitting on the opposite side.

Like a child looking for a secret, you turned around to look at the back of his head. His hat was gone, probably left downstairs, and all you saw was his sweep of blond hair.

He made a ‘hm’ sound. “Bad day?”

You nodded. Then, realizing he couldn’t see you. “Y-yeah.”

You watched him nod. “I’m sorry about that.” He fiddled with his cane, his hands tightening and loosening around it. “Would you… like to talk about it?”

You paused.

Lucifer had been a confidant of yours since you first arrived in Hell. He was the one to tell you what was going on right after you died, calming you down and offering you a place to stay. Sure, you didn’t know that he was literally the Devil, but everything about him made you feel at peace. Like you could deal with the hand you were dealt.

Secretly, though, you were waiting.

Waiting for the moment when he would reveal that he only kept you around because he needed you to do something for him.

No one was that kind, or caring, or wonderful.

He wants something from you. Why else would he keep coming back?

You had yet to answer his question. Lucifer sighed.

“You don’t have to tell me anything. I just want you to know that I’m here for you, okay?”

The voices were still wringing in your head, you were still crying, and you felt pathetic.

“I- I don’t- fuck, would you please stop acting like you care?” You knew your words were harsh but they were begging to be said.

His posture straightened in surprise.

“I do care! What makes you think I don’t care?” He sounded hurt.

Nice going, you hurt his feelings.

You bent forward, hands covering your face in frustration. A fresh wave of tears rises through your body and you loudly cried out, too scared and angry and sad to hide it anymore.

“Woah, woah, hey, it’s okay, hon.” Lucifer’s voice was nearing your form on the ground, and he was quickly at your side. You could feel his presence beside you.

He sighed in exhaustion. “Listen, I’m not- I’m not the greatest at this, but I’m gonna ask so I don’t upset you. Do you want a hug? Or a hand on your shoulder-“

Your arms were wrapped around him before he could finish his question, clinging to his waist and biting your face in his neck.

“WOAH there- well hey, sweetheart, there you are.” You could hear him smiling as he gently brought his hand to rub your back.

“I’m sorry. I- I’ve just had a shitty day at work and I’m worried about a lot of things and- I don’t want to take it out on you.” You were shaking, but he held you steadily.

“What kinda things are worrying you?” He asked.

And so you told him. In the comfort of his embrace you were able to somewhat coherently explain all the things that had been freaking you out. Velvette’s torture at work, your own moral dilemmas about your life on Earth, and you were just getting into your feelings about others using you when you felt Lucifer’s breath hitch.

He leaned away from you to look you in the eyes and gently put a finger to your chin.

“Honey, I want you to know that I know for a fact that the people here really care about you. Not because you’re an extra pair of hands, but because you’re you. You’re wonderful to be around. People like you.”

He looked at you with a warm smile and leaned towards you, giving you a small kiss on the forehead.

“I like you. I care about you because you’re worth caring about.”

You stared at him in awe, your mind finally at ease after such a chaotic day. Smiling, you leaned back into him to rest your head on his chest.

“Thank you, Luci.” You reached out and took one of his hands, holding it tightly in an effort to show him how grateful you truly were for his words of assurance.

He tightened his fingers around yours and grinned down at you.

“Always, love. Now, let’s get you on the bed, okay?”

You nodded and he gracefully picked you up, gently placing you on the bed. With a snap, you were in comfortable clothing with a warm blanket around you and plenty of soft pillows.

“You want me to hang out for a bit?” He looked at you through half-lidded eyes, clearly sleepy.

“If you don’t have anything else going on…” You offered, already half dozing off.

“Even if I did, I would love nothing more.” With an affectionate grin he curled up beside you, and you immediately went to lay your head back on his chest. As you drifted away, listening to the King of Hell’s heartbeat, you took a deep breath.

He was right. Things were gonna be okay.

You had friends.

You were loved.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel lucifer #lucifer hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar x reader #lucifer magne #lucifer magne x reader #lucifer x reader #lucifer Morningstar my beloved

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zepskies · 4 months ago

Text

Lost on You - Part 12

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x F. Supe!Reader

Summary: 1983 is a big year for you. You’re finally chosen to join the ranks of Payback, led by the most (in)famous supe in the world: Soldier Boy. He’ll never admit that he’s trying his damndest to figure you out. You’ll never admit that he’s actually growing on you. But the problem with this game is deciding who’s the predator, and who is prey.

AN: And here we go, with our Avengers: Civil War moment…

Song Inspo: “I Go to Extremes” by Billy Joel

Word Count: 5.1K

Tags/Warnings: Violence, blood, and death. Angst, peril, hurt/comfort, and fluff.

🎵 YouTube Playlist || Spotify Playlist

🎙️ Series Masterlist

Part 12: A Fire in the Blood

Ben walked into the kitchen the next morning in search of coffee and food. He added some grounds to the coffeemaker on the counter and grabbed a bagel from the fridge, then slammed the door shut.

“All right, get the fuck out,” he said, as if to an empty room. “I’m gonna lose my breakfast before I even eat it.”

Slowly, Charlie and Donna stood up from behind the kitchen island. Both of them looked wrecked. Her hair was wild and disheveled. He had dark red lipstick smudged all around his mouth and neck. Their clothes were bundled in their hands, but they needed no further prompting to run butt-ass naked out of the kitchen. Ben shook his head.

“Fucking animals,” he muttered.

But he didn’t blame them for being bored.

Meanwhile down the hall, Donna pulled Charlie into the shower with her. She got him to start washing her hair while she bathed the rest of herself with a bar of soap.

“He took it a lot better than I expected,” she said.

“Well, he’s probably known since at least last night,” Charlie said, smirking. “The man’s got super hearing, and you didn’t exactly keep it down.”

She reached back to smack his thigh teasingly. “That’s not what I meant. I just thought he’d raise more hell.”

She actually frowned at the thought. Part of her had indulged with Charlie because she thought it might piss Ben off, but to her surprise, he didn’t seem to give much of a fuck. In the past, he once snapped a man’s wrist for touching her ass at a gala. In fact, he’d ruined a lot of perfectly good hookup opportunities for her by being his jealous, caveman self, even though he was whoring himself out with any willing female.

So now, either Ben hated her that much, or…he actually did care about you.

Ben answered his cell when it rang. It was a familiar number.

Arthur. This better be fucking it.

“Did you find her?” he asked.

“Yeah, I found her,” Arthur said, with a grim sigh. “You’re not gonna like it.”

“Where?” Ben demanded. His hand clenched on the phone, threatening to crack the frame.

“Nottingham, West Virginia. It’s one of Vought’s most high-security labs. I didn’t even have clearance to know about it when I worked there,” he said. “It’s easy to miss though. Somewhere between a national forest and a couple of cemeteries.”

“Good enough for me,” Ben said. He finished his coffee in one quick slurp and headed over to his room to get the rest of his suit on. He was only half dressed.

“I hope you find her. Now I’ll be fucking off to Belize. Stan’s probably already got eyes on me,” said Arthur.

“Don’t you worry about Stan. After I get Sirena, I’m chopping the head off the fucking snake,” Ben said angrily.

“Okay, well, good luck to ya.”

After hanging up and lacing up his boots, Ben headed out of the room and down the hall. He banged a fist on the bathroom door, hard enough to rattle its hinges.

“Suit up, kids! We’re headed out.”

Arthur’s directions were direct enough. Donna had to park her car somewhere along the main road, but it was another mile or so before Ben finally found what they were looking for: a solitary building that looked like a nondescript farmhouse from the outside.

“This is their top secret high-security lab?” Charlie said. “Looks abandoned.”

“That’s exactly how they want it to look,” Ben said. It reminded him of the lab in Siberia. He was willing to bet that the lab itself ran several stories and floors underground.

Once they stepped out from the safety of the trees, gunshots rained from above and up ahead. There was a line of armed guards emerging from the front and the back of the building, while a helicopter descended from above.

Donna took out most of the guards on the ground, while Charlie shot his guns at the helicopter and took out the glass in the windshield. Ben threw up his shield at it, causing irreparable damage to the vessel. The pilot was forced to initiate a crash landing.

The helicopter doors opened, revealing Black Noir. He grabbed another man and jumped from the helicopter. The other man screamed, but the landing was swift. Noir made sure that Mindstorm landed on his feet, more or less, while the helicopter carved into the ground behind them and combusted.

Ah, the gang’s all here, Ben thought grimly. It saved him the trouble of hunting those two down as well.

“So it’s true,” Mindstorm said, taking in the sight of Ben with both astonishment and dread.

“Hey, Dan,” said Ben. “Looking rough.”

It was true. The man appeared to be a shell of his former self; thin, with lines of age around his eyes and across his forehead, his skin pale and splotchy. A decade of paranoia and reclusion hadn’t done much good for Dan. Noir must've scrounged him up from his hiding hole, like fishing out a rat from the sewer.

“Look, we don’t have to do this,” Charlie tried. “Just let him get Sirena out of there. After what you guys did, she doesn’t deserve that.”

Ben glanced at his former sidekick. He actually seemed sincere.

Too bad Noir wasn’t about to go for it. He had Vought’s dick so far up his ass, he wouldn’t likely take a shit without Stan Edgar’s say so. He crouched into a fighting stance and unsheathed his katana. The rest of the guards poured in to flank around him and Mindstorm.

Ben rolled a crack out of his neck.

“Fine. If it’s a war you want, it’s a war you’ll fucking get,” he said.

Noir started charging at him first, but Donna shot off a fireball in his direction.

Chaos ignited from there.

Something’s wrong. You felt it, with so many energies converging high above you. It must’ve meant that you were underground, yet again.

There were still men in the compound itself. You now felt their energies being stuffed out, closer and closer in your direction.

Ben? You wondered. You stood up from your cot in nervous anticipation, wrapping your arms protectively around yourself. After Vogelbaum dropped his news, you’d spent the entire night battling your shock, followed shortly by your panic.

No matter what they did to you now, there was no way you were going to let them hurt your child.

Ben…

More than anything, you wanted to see him. You wanted to tell him that his dream was coming true, whether he was ready for it or not…

But there was something coming, and it wasn’t him. You would’ve felt it if it was him. By the rate the men were dying somewhere outside of your cell, however, it was getting closer to your cell. For some reason, you just couldn’t identify the energy signature itself.

You got your answer when your cell door forcibly opened. You gaped in shock.

“Countess?” you said.

She was panting for breath, but she whipped a sweaty lock of red hair out of her eyes and reached out a gloved hand for you.

“Come on, before I change my fucking mind,” she said.

You were still in shock, but you managed to break yourself out of it to follow her out of the cell. You had to stop short though, as an entire unit of Vought security came pouring into the hall with raised guns.

You opened your mouth and began your siren song. Within seconds, every man curled in on themselves as they screamed in pain. Some of them managed to rip their helmets off as they gripped their heads. Tears of blood dripped down from their eyes, and they all soon fell into lifeless heaps.

You stopped singing, and your eyes faded from glowing violet to their normal hue. Donna looked at you, both stunned and wary.

“Don’t worry. It doesn’t work on women. Even frigid cunts like you,” you said with a grin.

She smirked back. “Come on then.”

“Where’s Ben?” you asked, joining her in hastening down the hall.

“Up there fighting,” she replied, pointing up to the ceiling. “You’re about fifteen floors down from the outside world.”

“Fucking figures,” you muttered, but your heart swelled to know that Ben was here, and he was all right. Your hand went to your lower belly on reflex.

“Wait,” you gasped, as something occurred to you. “We need to find someone.”

“What the fuck do you mean? We need to get out of here!” Donna said.

“There’s a kid somewhere in here, and I’m not leaving without him,” you snapped. You began opening doors where you sensed a presence inside. Most often it was a lab technician or other employee, and Donna vaporized them.

You opened one door and found Dr. Vogelbaum. Finally, you saw him react with widening eyes. You felt his fear.

Donna eviscerated him too, in a bloody mess of limbs.

You grimaced at the gore, but you paused, noticing a thick file on the man’s desk.

THE HOMELANDER PROJECTwas stamped at the top in large red letters. You picked your way through the mess and grabbed the file. Then you and Donna continued heading down the hall.

There at the end was a red door. Something about it called to you. You reached out with your awareness, and you felt a familiar male energy, young and scared and alone.

You beckoned Donna over. The door was heavy and locked, but the two of you worked together to twist it open by its large circular handle, like the hatch on a submarine. It swung open with a creak, and inside the room was a bare white cell, not unlike yours.

A young boy sat against the wall, arms wrapped around his knees, wearing a white shirt and plain gray sweatpants. He was blonde and blue-eyed, and he felt familiar to you on-sight.

“John?” you said, stepping inside the cell.

He tilted his head, like he recognized your voice. He said your name uncertainly as he got up to his feet.

“Yeah, it’s me,” you said, approaching him with cautious steps. “I’m getting out of here, but I want you to come with me.”

John looked reluctant, even as he glanced at your outstretched hand.

“Vogelbaum is gone. He can’t hurt you anymore,” you said. “John, please, let me help you.”

After a moment of his indecision, John reached out and carefully grasped your hand. You led him out of the cell, and encouraged him to stay close to you when you and Donna started back towards the elevators.

The three of you rode all the way up to the top level, where the sounds of an epic fight raged behind the doors of the building. Still, it was a familiar balm to your frayed mind to step outside those doors and find a bright sun beating down on a dusty clearing. Beyond it was layers of forest trees.

Donna said that her car was about a mile in that direction, but before you guys could attempt to get to safety, Noir landed right in front of you.

“Irving—” you said in warning.

Donna raised her hands, prepared to blast him into pieces, but John threw the first punch. It landed squarely in Noir’s chest and had him flying several feet away, into a nearby tree. Your mouth fell open in shock as you gave the kid a wide-eyed look.

John smiled up at you, in a—Did I do good?—kind of way.

“Holy shit,” Donna muttered.

You huffed a short laugh and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Good job, bud.”

You shifted your attention to the rest of the battle, and it caught on Ben with a gasp. He was striding toward Mindstorm with his shield held in front of him. He backhanded Mindstorm in the face and quickly got him pinned on the ground.

Charlie was already lying unconscious, trapped in his own mind. Donna went to try and help him, while you started running headfirst toward the other two men.

“Ben!” you shouted out.

He glanced up at you on reflex, but it proved to be an unfortunate distraction, giving Mindstorm the opening he needed to reach out a hand and touch Ben’s forehead. His eyes closed and he collapsed to the ground.

“No!” the ragged yell tore from your throat. You knew full well what Mindstorm was capable of.

You rushed forward and tried to capture Mindstorm with your siren song. It managed to hold him in place, making him grip at his temples with strain. You knew you didn’t totally have him under your spell, however. Not until you knelt down in front of him and grabbed his face with both hands. Your eyes illuminated brighter as you focused all of your power on him.

Mindstorm fought it tooth and nail, but ultimately, the pull of you was too much. He screamed as blood trailed down his face from his eyes, nose, and ears, until his voice faded, and his blue eyes became unseeing. When you released him, he slumped into a heap.

You fell back onto your ass and heaved for breath. All the while, you stared at his unseeing eyes. Part of you felt sick with yourself. The other part felt vindicated, and a little more free.

With a gasp, you remembered Ben. You turned over and crawled over to his body where he laid unconscious in the dirt and dead leaves.

Fuck. You shouldn’t have killed Mindstorm. He was the only one who could’ve brought him out of this.

Unless…

An idea struck you, and you knew you had to try. You shuffled onto your knees and took Ben’s face carefully in your shaking hands. You closed your eyes.

Focusing your powers on his being, you entered his mind. You waded through waves of darkness as they lapped at you, trying to draw you in. But you were a brighter light. You went deeper, layer by layer.

You began to see moving images, like scenes from a reel. You saw his father, berating him. You saw the moment Compound V was injected into his arm, immediately filling his veins with pain. You saw his mother’s funeral, a day marked by falling snow and a stoic set of Ben’s young shoulders.

You saw so many days and nights at the facility where you both were kept, but one in particular struck at your own heart—the day Dr. Eisenstein had you brought you into Ben’s cell and slammed you down on the table in front of him, prepared to inject an unknown experimental serum into your body.

Ben’s face seemed angry on the outside, but this deep inside his mind, you felt his anger, as well as his fear, and his desire to protect you.

You weren’t sure it would work, but you needed to get his attention somehow. You needed to wake him up.

“Ben!” you shouted to him.

To your relief, he actually looked over at you, meeting your gaze with surprise in his own.

Until you were ripped away from him, out of his mind and into the waking world. Your bleary eyes eventually focused on the dark shape above you. On Black Noir.

He hauled you up by your arms and began to drag you across the clearing, away from Ben.

“Stop!” you struggled. Noir ignored you, just tightening his hold.

He dragged you past Donna’s body. She was dying on the ground, with her throat cut and bubbling with blood. Your eyes widened, but you quickly took in the rest of the clearing.

John was trapped under the massive trunk of a fallen tree, struggling to get up. He was being swarmed by Vought security guards.

Just over Noir’s shoulder, you caught sight of Ben. He was starting to wake up, and he turned over and pushed himself up onto one knee. Relief filled your chest.

In a fit of desperation, you dug your heels into the ground. “Let go! Let go of me!”

You opened your mouth and took in a breath to sing, but how quickly Noir’s hand wrapped around your throat, choking the breath right out of you. He tightened his hold, little by little, until you began to feel lightheaded. Panic gripped at your heart.

“Stop, Noir, please! I’m pregnant!” you pleaded, with tears in your eyes.

Beyond him, you met Ben’s gaze. His mouth fell open as he stared at you, after half scrambling to his feet.

You returned your attention to Noir when you realized you could feel his shock, and the tension through your hand on his glove. He glanced over his shoulder at Ben, then back at your tearful eyes. You felt Noir’s disgust, swiftly followed by his anger.

You gasped when he let you go, just so he could unsheathe his weapon. Ben gritted his teeth in anger. Before he could throw his shield, Noir swung his katana down on you.

You instinctively raised up your arms to protect yourself, but the blade only shattered against your skin. You raised your head, blinking in shock. You clenched your fists, and you realized that you felt different, somehow. You were strong.

You shoved Noir hard in the chest, and he flew several feet away, rolling in the dirt as he landed.

Ben ran over to join you. He wrapped his non-shield wielding arm around your waist and pulled you tight against him. You melted into him in relief, resting your head against his chest.

“I don’t know how I did that,” you admitted.

“Looks like knocking you up comes with some added perks,” he said, grinning down at you.

Once you understood what he meant, another wave of shock hit you. The life inside you was not only carrying his genes, but some of his power as well, making you strong.

You looked up at his smug grin and rolled your eyes in amusement, but you also wanted to grab his face and pull him down for a kiss. The look in his eyes told you he wanted to oblige, but you both stopped short, coming to attention when you saw Noir picking himself up from the ground.

“I’ve got him,” Ben said darkly. He let go of you and took a step toward Noir, putting himself in front of you.

Two old enemies faced each other. This time, Ben began to make the first move.

Just then, a pair of red laser beams broke through the clearing and cut through Noir’s mask and skull. He dropped to his knees, and then fell to the ground.

What the hell…

Slowly you turned back to see that John had broken free of the guards. All of them lied either passed out or dead at his feet. He stepped over them and went to your side with shaky hands, shocked at even his own power. Had he known he could do that?

“Are you okay?” he asked you in concern.

You were still reeling, but you nodded and grasped his shoulder. Ben was unsettled looking at John. You knew the look on his face. He wasn’t sure whether the kid was a threat as well. Ben slid an arm around your waist and pulled you closer to him.

“Ben, this is John,” you explained. “He was a ‘guest’ in the lab, same as me.”

Ben seized up the kid. Eventually he rested his shield on the ground and reached out his hand.

“John, huh?”

The kid nodded and shook his hand. “Y-Yes, sir.”

“That’s a strong name,” Ben said. John smiled.

With that small peace won, you slipped away from Ben and went to Charlie. You knelt down and felt for his pulse at his neck. You shook your head in sadness.

“He’s gone,” you said. Ben helped you stand again.

You were disappointed about Donna too, even knowing she was the one who helped sell you out in the first place. You were sure it was probably under duress, but she had saved you today.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here,” Ben said. You agreed, but first, you looked back at the lab.

“They took vials of my blood. God knows what else they have in there,” you said.

“They took your fucking blood?” he said, through furrowed brows.

“Yeah, that’s how I know I’m pregnant,” you said, again, holding a hand to your belly. Ben softened slightly at that.

He blew out a breath and nodded. “Okay, you and the kid hang back. Far back.”

You grasped John’s shoulder and led him over to the dense line of trees. You both hunkered down behind a fallen tree trunk and watched Ben approach the lab.

He set a firm stance and concentrated, until his chest glowed with power. Letting loose a yell of strain, he summoned a blast that destroyed the entire building. It not only created a backlash of debris and flames, but it also shook the earth. He stalked forward and angled the blast downward, so that it would consume the floors below as well.

You had to duck down further as the impact of the blast was too much. John covered you with his arms around your shoulders.

When it was over, Ben struggled to regain his breath. He even stumbled a bit on his way back to you, but he kept a steady pace, until he found you and the kid again. Ben reached a hand for you and once again helped you up from the ground, guiding you into his arms.

His chest still felt hot, but you didn’t care. You curled a hand around the back of his neck and brought him down to you for a kiss. It was relief, it was passion, and it was home.

You parted slowly, his forehead pressing against yours.

“I love you,” you whispered into the small space in between.

Releasing a subtle breath, Ben nodded. You opened your eyes and cupped his cheek.

“You can say it,” you prompted, teasingly. “It’s not gonna kill you.”

You could hazard a guess at what he was thinking. This close, you could feel him, and his reluctance. But his lips hinted at a smile.

“Yeah, I fucking love you,” he said. He thumbed at your chin, his gaze roaming over your face before he met your eyes. “I love you.”

Tears made your vision blur a little. You nodded, smiling, and reached up on your toes for another kiss.

“Are you guys done yet?” John asked. He shifted on his feet, all antsy and tired. “Can we go?”

Ben’s face fell into annoyance at the kid. You gave him a rueful smile, and one last stroke of his cheek.

“The car’s about a mile out,” Ben said.

“Yep,” you said. “I guess we start walking.”

John slept in the backseat of the car while Ben drove down the highway going northeast. His gaze roamed over you as you stared out the window, seemingly calm with that file you stole from Vogelbaum’s office resting on your lap.

With a sigh, you turned your attention to it. Ben couldn’t help but distract you first. His hand reached over to rest on your thigh.

“Hey,” he said. You perked up at him.

“You okay?” he asked. You smiled a little and slipped your hand over his.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Considering.”

He alternated between watching the road and watching you a bit closer.

“Did they hurt you?” he pressed. You shook your head, squeezing his hand.

“No. They pretty much left me alone,” you said, though his concern warmed you. You also sensed something else underneath…the sting of regret. It took him a few beats, but he eventually spoke.

“I shouldn’t have let you go out alone,” he said, briefly meeting your eyes. “I should’ve been there.”

It was as close to an apology as you’d ever gotten from him. You almost smiled.

“Look, we’re here now,” you said. “Pretty soon, this is all just going to be a bad memory we can put behind us, like everything else.”

You rubbed his arm and glanced down at the file sitting on your lap. Your curiosity had you flipping it open. The more you read over its contents, the more your face slackened in shock.

“Oh my God, Ben,” you whispered.

“What?”

“Pull over for a minute.”

“We can’t stop here. We need to get to the airport.”

“This is important. Stop the car.”

He huffed in annoyance, but he pulled the car over. He left the car running and got out along with you.

You later leaned against the passenger side while he read the file. You watched the shock descend over his face as it all began to click together in his mind. He turned and pointed at the backseat of the car.

“He’s…”

“Yeah,” you said.

“Christ on a damn cross,” he said.

“Yeah,” you repeated. You covered your mouth with a hand. “And the poor kid’s been kept in that basement his whole damn life… It was Vogelbaum’s project, but how did he do it?”

A realization fell over Ben. He joined you in leaning against the car. The file fell to his side.

“Back in…’81. No, beginning of ’83, before you joined up. Vogelbaum wanted a sample of my swimmers for an experiment. Something about genetics,” he said. He still remembered the Penthouse Forum he used to give his “sample.”

June. Danielle Deneux. Bush like a Pomeranian. He almost smiled at the memory, but the rest of it soured that part for him.

You gave him an incredulous look. “And you didn’t ask questions about what they were going to use your sperm for?”

Ben rolled his eyes and gave you the file. You shook your head.

“The point is, John is…more or less your son,” you said.

“What?!” John exclaimed. He spooked you and Ben when he popped up in the car window.

You should’ve known he’d have enhanced hearing. Just like his father.

John came out of the car, and both father and son looked at one another in assessing ways. Even though they had different coloring, you started to notice the similar shape of their jawlines, the line of their noses. John soon had tears in his eyes.

“You…you’re my dad?” he said.

Ben’s hands went to his hips. His posture was stiff and awkward.

“I guess I am,” he said.

He didn’t expect the way John literally flew over and hugged him with a strength that impacted Ben. He grunted and grabbed the kid’s shoulders.

“Okay, all right, lock it up. Don’t be a little girl about it.”

John’s face fell with dejection, but he dropped his arms and took a step back. You became both dismayed and angry.

“Ben!” you said sharply. “Let your son hug you, for fuck’s sake.”

He shot you a warning look, but you had your hand on John’s shoulder as you glared back at Ben. He crossed his arms.

Then he uncrossed them with an exasperated huff. He went to John and dropped a hand on his shoulder. Smiling in satisfaction, you moved back to give them a moment.

Ben looked down at the kid’s face. His blonde hair and blue eyes weren’t his. He must’ve taken after his mother, whoever she was, or whatever genetics Vogelbaum manipulated, but he did see his own strong jaw in the kid.

“Well, it’s unfortunate that we couldn’t meet sooner, but…looks like you’re my son,” said Ben. “I'm thinking you want to stick around with us.”

John nodded vigorously.

“All right,” Ben said. “Then let’s get going.”

John nodded again, quickly wiping at his face to clear away his tears.

Good, Ben thought with a quirk of his lips. He squeezed John’s shoulder and let him go, so he could return to the driver’s side of the car. You gave John a warm hug. Ben saw it through the window and almost shook his head. He could already tell that you were going to try to mother that boy.

Somehow, that thought just softened him, at least a little. Because it reminded him that you were carrying his child as well. Not to mention, his blood was making you nice and strong.

When you slid into the passenger seat, he grabbed your hand and pressed a kiss over your knuckles. You smiled at him.

“Where are we gonna go?” John asked.

Ben glanced at him in the rearview mirror. Ben's brows drew together as his expression firmed.

“To finish what we started,” he said.

You knew what that meant. He wanted to go to New York to finish off Stan Edgar, Stillwell, and anyone else who had a hand in their capture.

“Ben, they’ll never stop trying to get him back,” you said, gesturing at John. “And…when Vogelbaum took my blood, he said they wanted to monitor me. Apparently this has never happened before…a supe getting another supe pregnant.”

Ben paused.

“He talked like I was a rat in his lab, and he wanted to document the findings,” you said, as tears welled up in your eyes and made your throat tight with emotion, and the remnants of dread.

Ben frowned and squeezed your hand.

“That’s not fucking happening,” he said. You sighed and wiped at your cheek. After taking a few steadying breaths, you managed to get a hold of yourself.

“If we go back to New York, it’s a big risk,” you said.

This time, Ben actually considered what you were saying. He was stubborn though.

“I can’t just fucking let it go. What Stan Edgar did, what they all did—”

“If you take out Stan, they’ll just put another one in his place. I doubt it’ll ever end,” you said. You moved his hand to your stomach. “But if you want this. If you want a family, this is it.”

Ben glanced down at his hand under yours, and then your face. As much as he wanted the rest of his revenge, he also wanted, and needed to protect you. He couldn’t make another mistake like last time. If you were taken from him again, he’d have no one to blame but himself.

That also posed a harder question. Where the hell could he take you where you’d be safe? Even Arthur had fucked off to Belize.

Ben stroked your hand in contemplation…until an idea came to him.

A grin raised his lips.

“All right,” he said. “How do you feel about Colombia?”

AN: Lol! Suffice to say, there's going to be a big BMD easter egg in the Epilogue, but did you like how the final battle shook out? Was there anything that surprised you? Do you wish some members of Payback had lived?

I went back and forth on how some characters would meet their end, but I felt that this is the story I wanted to tell, with her, Ben, and John escaping together and forming their strange new family. 😂💚

Next Time: The Epilogue...

A phone dock rested on the coffee table. The call was on speaker.

“That child represents a multi-million-dollar investment,” said Stan Edgar.

“You should’ve thought about that before you shipped us off to motherfucking Siberia,” Ben snapped. “Hell, before you decided to steal my goddamn DNA. But guess fucking what. He’s my son. He belongs with me.”

You gave him a look of pride, resting a hand on his thigh in support. He glanced at you and grabbed your hand.

“You’re not leaving me with much recourse here, Soldier Boy,” Stan replied.

Ben leaned forward. He took that as a very real threat.

▶️ Keep Reading: The Epilogue

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fbfh · 7 months ago

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Curiosity is a Wonderful thing ch. 10

wc: 1.8k

genre: slow burn, little angst, childhood best friends to lovers

pairing: slow burn bff!ben x fem daughter of alice!reader, previously audrey x ben, mal x ben???? yikes!

warnings: political lore and descendants world building from yours truly lol, I think that's it??? minor angst???

summary: determined to figure out what's going on with ben, you remember that many paws make light work.

song recs: dirty paws - of monsters and men, hartebeest - yaelokre, a world of my own - kathryn beaumont

a/n: HI HELLO DADDIES HELLO MY DADDIES HI HELLO also I started watching it's always sunny and every goddamn thing out of charlie's mouth is a vocal stim. I can't go more than two seconds without going HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY. LOOK AT ME GIVE ME EYES. COOL YOUR JETS. NOW GET OUTTA HERE. I love him.

ALSO!!!!!!!! happy 23rd b-day to meself!!!! does a little jester dance while I simultaneously give a thumbs down from the king chair, opening a trapped door and throwing my jester self into a deep dark pit full of lions and poorly made iced americanos.

tags @yesv01@magcon7280 @hopefullhearts @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sunshineangel-reads @dustyinkpages @inejsknifes @tulipmagnoliaisme @ev3ningrain @yokolesbianism lmk if I missed you and I'll add you to the tag list yell at me in the notes /j (also my dearest yokolesbianism!!!!! thank you so fuckin much for the feedback!!!!!! based on your tags I assumed you'd wanna be tagged?? just shoot me an ask or message if this is not the case lol <333)

You haven’t given much thought to anything besides your research since it began, but if you had, you suppose you would notice you’ve been holed up in the library for every hour it’s been open for a few days, at least. Each waking moment has been spent pouring through text after text, desperately seeking anything that could prove useful in answering the question of Ben’s behavior.

The first few books proved to be utterly useless for anything besides sharpening your researching skills. You slam the most recent book closed and lean back in your chair, letting out a sigh of frustration. As much as you hate to admit it - even to yourself - you must begrudgingly admit that you need help.

You let out another sigh, and stand up. A good long sigh seems to be your only weapon against the inconsolable frustration burbling within you turmoilously. You stretch your aching legs and arms, hoping your blood hasn’t stopped circulating entirely, and throw the window open. You take in a big, deep breath of spring air.

The scent of gardenia and hibiscus floats along the breeze and into your chest, and you glance down at the flowering culprits below the window.

Your mind wanders and races in a blurry stumble. There must be some way for you to get information, to get some extra hands on this without getting anyone else directly involved. You never expected to find yourself facing such a fragile, treacherous situation, much less having to navigate it yourself. Without Ben.

You rub at your aching head, trying to make heads or snails of all this. Your mind reels in a blurry stupor at the dangerous situation your country has found itself in without even realizing this to be the case. You take another big, deep breath.

“Alright.” You tell yourself with a note of finality, like perhaps if you say it enough things will be just that. Alright.

There are two heads to this chimera of a situation you’ve found yourself in. Firstly, you have to figure out how to monitor Ben. His words, his actions, if he suddenly decides to shave his head and run about nude. Whatever it is, you must be the first to know. Perhaps if you find a way to stay on top of whatever his next erratic decisions will be, you can find a way to smooth things over, to fix things before they have a chance to snowball wildly out of control.

The other thing you must consider - arguably, of more importance - is why? Why is he acting like this? As much as you resist confronting the feeling, you can’t shake the sense that this is some sort of political sabotage. It wouldn’t be the first time Ben was caught in the crossfires of political unrest. There was a very tense 8 days when you were both nearly too young to remember where Ben had been kidnapped by a group of radicalist former henchmen. They were convinced that Chernabog was sending them secret messages, and were responsible for the next villain uprising.

This, of course, was untrue and Ben was returned unscathed. The henchmen were understandably sent to the Isle, and Chernabog’s whereabouts are still unknown. There’s some debate over the nature of his crimes, if he’s truly evil or just appears to be scary. You and your mother know right where you stand on the issue - while he appears terrifying, and has incredible amounts of power, you have yet to find any evidence that he wants to cause harm.

You understand why Overlandians are so quick to fear what they don’t know, but one cannot control their size nor the strength of their power, so your mother has urged the Auradon government to let sleeping gods lie. Besides, Chernabog hasn’t been around for half a century, and won’t be seen for another half century at least, so it’s really the least of anyone’s worries right now.

You snap from your train of thought, returning to the matter afoot. You must keep tabs on Ben, and find some explanation for why he could be acting like this. You already have so many bites that are far too big, and you have no clue how you’ll chew your way through this by yourself. You’re about to go back when you see a bluebird sitting on the tree branch outside the window. She preens her feathers, enjoying the warm sunlight dappling through the lush green leaves that partially hide her from view. You lean out of the window, your sleeves rippling in the breeze.

“Excuse me!” You call out. She chirps inquisitively as you get her attention.

“I do hate to bother you, but I’m stuck in quite a muddling lurch. It’s all quite convoluted you see, and as much as I hate to admit it, I fear I’ve reached a point where I simply don’t have enough hands to handle it all.”

She quirks her head at you, hopping a little closer and lending an ear as you begin to explain the whole kerfuffle. You try to be as concise and clear as you can, but you take after your mother quite well. You get a little sidetracked here or worked up there, and find yourself rambling a great good deal more than you would have liked to.

By the time you’re just about through with your explanation, you’ve had to pull out a lacy embroidered handkerchief, then soon after, another one for the bluebird. She’s grown quite invested in your woes, and it feels so good to be able to weep wetly over this with someone who shares your feelings. You try in vain to dry your eyes, and she holds her hankie tightly with her feathers, blowing her beak with a loud noise.

“So you see, this whole thing is quite unusual. I just don’t know what to do, or how to fix things.” You look at her compassionate face, nodding and chirping in sympathy.

“Do you think…” You begin, “Do you perhaps have any friends that could keep ears and eyes open for anything odd, or relating to all this? If you could possibly keep an ear to the ground - or sky - and let me know if there’s anything unusual, I would be most grateful.”

She nods, tweeting in agreement before you can even finish your proposal. She fluffs her feathers and wrings out your hankie, sprinkling salty tears onto the walkway below and hangs it up on a branch to dry out. She salutes you, and you wave at her as she flies off to spread the word.

“Thank you!” You call after her. She chirps back at you, and you watch her land a few trees over, discussing the topic with some other birds in the branches. You grip the windowsill resolutely. This is good. This was a good plan. Animal communication takes a great deal of work on both ends, so as long as no particularly gossipy stoats or chickadees get a hold of this, you’ll be alright.

Besides, animals generally tend to prefer gossiping with other animals rather than humans. Overlandians never seem to understand the gravitas of the social politics of the forest. Despite the word traveling fast, you can’t shake the feeling you need more. More eyes, more ears, more furry feet and paws and claws spreading the word. You straighten up abruptly, returning to your table. You scribble a hasty note on a piece of paper, and prop it up against your stacks and stacks of useless - in this instance, anyway - books.

gone for tea, be back in three

You’re known for ducking in and out for tea now and again, and you’re sure this will come as no surprise to the librarians. You rush down the steps and out of the library, into the grassy courtyard. It feels like forever since you’ve been outside, and you miss leisurely strolls and reading in the dappled sunlight. But regrettably, now is simply not the time for leisure. You walk around for a few minutes, searching and looking until you see a cat lying on a garden wall, bathing in the sun.

“I beg your pardon,” you start, and the cat opens one sleepy eye. You take a breath and begin explaining the situation all over again. You’re pleased to find a little bit of the sting is gone this time. Just a little. Soon you have his full attention, and his tail flicks in sympathetic irritation for you, for having gone through all this.

“So if you could spread the word to some friends, keep me informed on anything you think might prove useful” You ask hopefully.

He pretends to consider for a moment, then agrees, hopping down from the wall and arching his back in a big stretch. He scurries off to spread the word as you make your way into the gardens for similar reasons. You traipse through the hedge maze, feeling a momentary solace in becoming lost so quickly. Soon you find just what you’re looking for, and after a similar conversation with a mother rabbit, you allow yourself to return to the library.

You return to your research with more gumption than you had had before. You feel a sense of reassurance - a much needed one, at that - that all these kind animals and their friends and relations had agreed to help you and your cause. Soon after, nearly every cat and rabbit are doing reconnaissance for you. Dozens of bluebirds follow students and linger by windows in hopes of overhearing something useful. With all these ears to the ground and sky, you lose yourself in your fruitless research once again.

When the words begin to look jumbled and meaningless (and not in the good way) you know you absolutely must call it a day. You close your books and place them neatly in the return cart, scratching out titles from your list of Potentially Helpful Books in your journal. More and more pages have become dedicated to this heart aching mystery, though you have few clues, and fewer leads. You ruminate on this as you begin to head for your dorm, nearly tripping over a speckled rabbit.

He thumps his foot loudly to get your attention, and you startle. “Oh, hello,” you say apologetically, crouching down to speak with him. You listen intently to what he tells you, your stomach dropping in the early evening light.

Ben and Mal are on a date at the enchanted lake as you speak.

#curiosity is a wonderful thing #descendants #descendants x reader #ben florian #ben florian x reader #daughter of alice!reader #daughter of alice #descendants fanfiction #also hbd self!!!!!#love your 22 for 12 more days self ;*#xoxo gossip girl

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explosionshark · 1 month ago

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2024 AOTY

by me! your pal, bri-bri

originally i was going to just write up the first ten albums or so, but then i had things i wanted to say about the rest of 'em so i just kept going. that made the list really long though. so here's just the numbered list, under the cut you'll find my extended thoughts n feelings :)

What I'll Leave Behind by Void of Vision

For Your Consideration by Empress Of

Sanshi by Ripped to Shreds

Coup de Grace by Seeyouspacecowboy

Aumicide by Atrae Bilis

Children of the Moon by State Faults

Ridiculous and Full of Blood by Julie Christmas

Absolute Elsewhere by Blood Incantation

Lonely People [EP] by Love Rarely

Cutting the Throat of God by Ulcerate

Infinite Mortality by Replicant

I Got Heaven by Mannequin Pussy

Valerie by Tei Shi

Forever by Charly Bliss

You Could Do It Tonight by Couch Slut

World Fighter by Angel Sword

Hicimos Crecer un Bosque by Fin del Mundo

Ephemera [EP] by Ben Quad

Stygian Rose by Crypt Sermon

Infinite Void by With Sails Ahead

Vault of Horrors by Aborted

Revelations by Sarah Shook & the Disarmers

Steps Ascending by Stand Still

The Tower by Urban Heat

AOTY 2024

Full list here: write-ups for specific albums under th cut. Ranked somewhat arbitrarily.

1. What I'll Leave Behind by Void of Vision (metalcore) - absolute bummer that this will be the final album by these guys, but I'm grateful for the fact that I was able to see them a few times before they had to call it quits. Been describing this as like a song missing from the Saw 2 soundtrack or something that should have been playing at one of the clubs in Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines or something. I feel like that's accurate - alt metalcore with its nails painted black and a profound love of Nine Inch Nails. Strong lyricism drawn from real trauma, enough fun electronics to make them stand out from more generic metalcore acts, plenty of hooks and some sick breakdowns as well to keep things heavy. I hope Jack Bergin's brain never explodes again and retiring from touring helps him lead a long and healthier life. "Gamma Knife" is the highlight for me

2. For Your Consideration by Empress Of (Pop) - my favorite pop album of the year. Lorely Rodriguez is so insanely talented, this album has a pretty diverse range of sounds without becoming too inconsistent. I love that there's raunchy club bangers like "Femenine" right next to sappy love songs like "Kiss Me" and more introspective tracks like "What Type of Girl Am I?"

3. Sanshi by Ripped to Shreds (Death Metal) - very good year for death metal but I think this is my favorite DM record of the year. I've always enjoyed Andy Lee's projects and Ripped to Shreds has been my favorite of them for years but expanding to a full band has taken them to a whole nother level. Killer riffage throughout, insanely fun lead swapping between Lee and Michael Chavez. "Horrendous Corpse Resurrection" is easily one of my top songs of the year

4. Coup de Grace by Seeyouspacecowboy (Metalcore) - this was a big big SYSC year for me, in large part bc I ended up seeing them live so many times. Honestly initially I struggled with Coup de Grace because it leans harder into the dramatic, theatrical MCR/P!ATD style of emo than any of their other work, and that's not necessarily to my taste. This still makes the top 5 despite regularly skipping several songs on each listen because the rest of it is so damn good. Could not stop listening to it this fall. Safe to say it grew on me. "Chewing the Scenery" and "Subtle Whispers to Take Your Breath Away" were two of my most played tracks for the whole year

5. Aumicide by Atrae Bilis (Death Metal) - one of the most underrated death metal bands active rn imo. No sophomore slump for these guys, this record absolutely smokes from start to finish. It's heavy and it's nasty, but it still grooves. There's enough melody to make it addictive but they're still able to maintain the harshness that makes dissonant death metal compelling. "Hell Simulation" and the closing track "Excruciate Incarnate" are perfect examples of the balance they strike between those two modes

6. Children of the Moon by State Faults (post-hardcore) - 2024 was the year I discovered State Faults. Very much the experience of finding a band that is so much Your Shit that it feels insane that you're almost a decade late to the party. Children of the Moon is the best post-hardcore album of the year imo and it's not even close. These guys draw from an incredible range of influences to create some of the most affecting work in the genre - brutal and beautiful and profound. "Palo Santo" and "No Gospel" absolutely blow me away every time

7. Ridiculous and Full of Blood by Julie Christmas (post-metal? Noise? Julie Christmascore) - anyone already familiar with Julie Christmas' work does not need me to explain why she's such a powerhouse and anyone not familiar will be done a disservice by anything short of listening to her music for themself. All I can truly say about Ridiculous and Full of Blood is that it's one of the most dynamic, interesting albums of the year and I just hope to God she doesn't make us wait another 14 years for her next solo record. The band she assembled for this album is insane across the board, but in particular it was a delight to see her collaborating with Johannes Persson again eight years after the absolutely masterful collaboration with Cult of Luna. If you listen to only one song out of all the stuff I'm recommending today, let it be "The Lighthouse"

8. Absolute Elsewhere by Blood Incantation (progressive death metal) - everyone won't shut up about this album but in this case the praise is absolutely earned. Cosmic, atmospheric, brutal, spacey, heavy as hell. With a Tangerine Dream collaboration no less! Essentially comprised of two long songs, Absolute Elsewhere is a record you need to make time for, meant to be listened to in full to get the most out of it, but it's so, so worth it to take the time. A stunning, transportive piece

9. Lonely People [EP] by Love Rarely (post-hardcore/math rock) - my favorite EP of the year. A very exciting band, they fuse hooky, math rock riffs with post-hardcore intensity. Courtney Levitt's vocals are incredible - a combination of throat shredding shrieks and powerful, emotional clean singing that makes you instantly sit up and pay more attention. "Say Yes" was on repeat for me all year

10. Cutting the Throat of God by Ulcerate (death metal) - an absolutely crushing, depressive, beautiful piece of dissonant death metal. Undeniably heavy, but on this outing we see Ulcerate lean into some post-rock esque melodicism that elevates their sound even further. It's such an atmospheric album - grim and unrelenting, but strangely delicate in places. Top notch musicianship throughout, but Jaime Saint-Merat's drumming is just mind-blowing. The title track is a must-listen song for anyone who gives a shit about heavy music at all

11. Infinite Mortality by Replicant (Death Metal) - I noticed in my write-ups for the other two dissonant death metal albums on this list, I took a moment to highlight and praise the melodicism therein. That won't be happening for Infinite Mortality. That's not to say there's zero melody at all but to emphasize how much that's not the draw here. This album is an altogether darker, nastier, more menacing affair. There's a grime here, a dizzying, sinister undertone of violence. My first time listening to this record was as background music while I was reading Crypt of the Moon Spider by Nathan Ballingrud and there was a scene in that book I was reading during "Orgasm of Bereavement" where the combination of the sounds I was hearing and the words I was reading gave me a full-body sensory experience: goosebumps, a faint sense of nausea, slight dizziness. I can't think of a stronger album recommendation than that.

12. I Got Heaven by Mannequin Pussy (Rock) - ANOTHER BANGER FROM MISSY DABICE AND CO. Mannequin Pussy keep getting better and better and it seems like they're finally (deservedly) starting to blow up with this record. It's a joy to listen to - snarky, vulnerable, earnest, clever, joyful and pissed off in turns. "Loud Bark" is already iconic, easily one of the finest songs they've written in an already stacked career of certifiable bangers

13. Valerie by Tei Shi (pop) - my second favorite pop album of the year! Tei Shi's first independent release. The breadth of songs on this album is incredible - bachata inflected pop kicks the album off with the explosively catchy "QQ (QUÉDATE QUERIENDOME)" and by the middle of the record we've somehow transitioned to intimate, heart wrenchingly vulnerable meditations on a painful miscarriage with "Falling From Grace." Frustration with the major label rat race as well as evergreen pop subjects of love and heartbreak fill out the rest of the album, but no matter the topic or the style of the song, everything feels honest and confident. The Spanglish version of "Mona Lisa" is one of my favorite pop songs of the year

14. Forever by Charly Bliss (Rock/Power Pop) - talking about honest, vulnerable music! Charly Bliss made their comeback this year and it's unsurprisingly one of the best albums to come out in 2024. Forever feels like a great marriage of the sounds on their other two LPs, Guppy and Young Enough. The band is still leaning into the pop sound that clearly enthralls them but there's a welcome return for fun guitar riffs too. Also there's no album on this list that has a stronger opening than the three song run of "Tragic" to "Calling You Out" to "Back There Now"

15. You Could Do It Tonight by Couch Slut (Sludge Metal/Noise) - okay enough pop music time for something gross and gnarly and almost guaranteed to give you some kind of disease. Couch Slut have always been here to upset you - and holy shit are they good at it on this album. Each and every song on this record is a provocative, stomach-churning vignette in its own right but none moreso than "The Donkey" where Megan Osztrosits recounts a horrifyingly fucked up story of a friend's drug-fueled bout of self mutilation in Chat Pile-esque spoken word over massive, dirty sludge metal riffs. It's fucking sick. "Here's what happened when my friends and I got fired from a haunted water park" - tell me you don't want to hear how the rest of this story goes, even knowing it will end in a grotesque, bloody mess.

16. World Fighter by Angel Sword (Heavy Metal) - okay enough edgelord shit now we're back to having fun. I honestly didn't think there would be a trad metal release that would top Razor Wire by Mean Mistreater, and then I stumbled into Angel Sword this summer. It's just candy, man. Extremely catchy 80s style riffs, incredible hooks, gritty yet charming vocals. This album is dripping in neon, racing down the highway at 90 miles an hour with two topless babes in the backseat telling you how cool your studded denim jacket and fresh perm look. "Vigilantes" never gets old for me

17. Hicimos Crecer un Bosque by Fin del Mundo (shoegaze) - kinda wild that this is the only shoegaze album that made it onto my list this year but it is what it is! And what it is in this case is the killer second album by Argentinian band Fin del Mundo. If you like fuzzy guitars and ethereal vocals, this is the record on this list for you. Although labeling them a shoegaze band is accurate, it fails to account for the ways post-rock, emo, and dream pop elevate the bands sound to another level. It's a record that's soothing and engaging at the same time, well produced, clear sounding without being too polished. "Vivimos lejos" brings a charming kind of ASIWYFA-style combination of gang vocals and emo instrumentals, resulting in basically four and half perfect minutes of music

18. Ephemera [EP] by Ben Quad (post-hardcore) - many bands are doing the throwback 00s emo/metalcore thing right now, but few of them are doing it as well as Ben Quad on this EP. This is basically They're Only Chasing Safety-worship but that's fine by me. Frantic, melodic, scathing and nakedly emotional, I love the intensity of this EP. I'd kill for a full record in this style tbh, but for now I'll be happy with what we've got. It's an incredibly short 11 minute runtime so I'd really recommend just listening to the whole thing but if nothing else, don't skip "Your Face as an Effigy"

19. Stygian Rose by Crypt Sermon (Epic Heavy Metal) - epic heavy metal, I'm sure, sounds like the stupidest genre name in the world. But like, listen to Stygian Rose and you'll immediately understand there's nothing else that describes it as well. Big, heavy doomy guitars, fast drumming, crazy soloing, nimble bass riffage, powerful heavy metal vocals and lyrics about like wizards and evil kings and stuff? Lie to yourself if you want, but I know the truth. This album fucks hard. "Heavy is the Crown of Bone" and "Glimmers in the Underworld" are crushing, face-melting works of fantasy bullshit. I can't get enough of this album

20. Infinite Void by With Sails Ahead (Post-hardcore) - I discovered these guys through a collaboration with Pulses. last year and I spent most of the intervening time eagerly anticipating the release of their debut LP Infinite Void. And let me tell you, it did not disappoint. It's an incredibly confident and fun first record - firmly on the Swancore side of PHC but lacking a lot of what tends to annoy me in that subgenre (insufferable songs about the male ego). Sierra Binondo's powerful and diverse vocal range really takes these guys to another level in a genre where extremely talented musicians are a dime a dozen. Go listen to "Ryn" right now and tell me you're not at least a little bit in love now

21. Vault of Horrors by Aborted (Brutal Death Metal) - it's Aborted! It's a cheeseburger. But it's a really, really, really good cheeseburger after you've been craving one for ages. This record has two gimmicks - all the songs are based on horror movies and each has a feature from a guest vocalist. Admittedly, I find brutal/tech death to be kind of wearying after a while and this tends to affect listenability for me, which is precisely why this album has a place on my AOTY list - I don't get tired of it. It's brutal and punishing but catchy and fun to listen to. Daníel Konráðsso absolutely does not sound like a human being on this. I bet his calf muscles are insane, because the double bass on this record is frankly disgusting. "The Golgothan" has my favorite riff of the record, but there's no bad tracks, honestly

22. Revelations by Sarah Shook & the Disarmers (Alt Country) - haven't really figured out a way to talk about this band that doesn't feel at least a little bit like deadnaming singer/guitarist River Shook but they've yet to change their band name so! Admittedly, not a very country heavy year for me, but if everything I've dabbled in, Revelations is the easy standout. Continuing the band's legacy of clever, honest lyricism and rollicking country rock musicianship, Revelations feels like the best version of their sound yet. "Motherfucker" is a straightforward, righteously pissed off ode to gross, predatory men in the industry, "Backsliders" is a good old fashioned broken-hearted ode to a bad relationship, while "Jane Doe" is the easy standout shot through with emotion, clever lyricism and brilliant guitar work

23. Steps Ascending by Stand Still (Pop Punk/Melodic Hardcore) - I was a teen in the 00s so I'll always be weak to that very Long Island melodic hardcore in 2004 sound that this album is evoking so perfectly. I love fast drums, I love posi philosophical lyrics, I love those melodic, angular guitar riffs, I love a guy shouting and I love gang vocals. Those things in combination just always work on me. "We Know the Score" + "Mysticism" are the perfect 'holler along at the top of your lungs in the car' combo

24. The Tower by Urban Heat (Post-Punk) - one of my most anticipated albums of the year. When they started the album rollout with singles like "Sanitizer" and "Right Time of Night" I had a pretty good idea that the final product would have a good shot at being one of my favorite records of the year. And of course I was right. Most Post-Punk isn't quite capable of keeping my attention, but Urban Heat are so damn good at songcraft. The songs on this record are incredibly dynamic, ranging from the snotty disdain of the aforementioned "Sanitizer" to the surprising tenderness of the New Wave ballad "Seven Safe Places." It's an incredibly strong showing from a really exciting band. I've heard they're killer live, too. Maybe if I'm lucky this coming year I'll get a chance to find out for myself.

And that's it! 24 for 24

Except for these also >:)

Honorable Mentions (aka albums it killed me to leave off this list so I'm cheating by adding them here)

Club Shy [EP] by Shygirl

Prude by Drug Church

It's Inside You by Candy

Sunrise Over Rigor Mortis by Beaten to Death

Verses in Oath by Hulder

Beating the Drums of Ancestral Force by Tzompantli

Agony & Wounds by Obscene

Cure by ERRA

Songs of Blood and Mire by Spectral Wound

The Cycles of Trying to Cope by Like Moths to Flames

Razor Wire by Mean Mistreater

I'll Drown on This Earth by Cold Gawd

Heaven Let them Die [EP] by Counterparts

Dark Superstition by Gatecreeper

#aoty 2024 #i need a music tag i don't hate

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snapscube · 1 year ago

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hi penny! i was watching one of your videos and when you mentioned you liked ben folds i got so excited i had to pace around my room, he's one of my favorites and i was not expecting you to mention him :) do you have a favorite song or album by him? on that note, what other music do you listen to?

OOO YEA I ADORE BEN FOLDS, there's a LOT of his backlog i have yet to listen to but his album "So There" with yMusic is one of my favorite albums of all time, and I love a particular couple songs from What Matters Most and Way To Normal as well (both real and fake versions haha). If i had to pick a favorite of his, it actually would probably have to actually just be So There. I go absolutely crazy over the instrumentation in that track and I love the biting lyrics as well. "How could I forget you, when there's nothing to forget?" is so fucking good.

Also I'd encourage people not to sleep on his song for "It's the Small Things, Charlie Brown" I wouldn't put it in a top 5 or anything but it's so cute and I go back to it a surprising amount LOL.

When it comes to other music I could go on for weeks about what I listen to haha. That's too big a question unfortunately. I do frequently cite Hey Ocean, The Family Crest, Bombay Bicycle Club, and Kishi Bashi as some of my current favorite artists to listen to though, just to give you a quick idea where some of my other tastes lie.

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everythingsbetterunderthestars · 2 years ago

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HEARTSTOPPER S2 SPOILERS BELOW

None of my friends were able to watch season 2 yet and I need to externalise my feelings somewhere so hello osemanverse tumblr

(There will be no specific order to these thoughts and I will probably forget a thousand things I wanted to say but oh well)

THE PARENTS THIS SEASON I AM LOVING THAT WE GET TO SEE MORE OF THEM ESPECIALLY OLIVIA COLMAN AAAAHH and tao’s mom omg their scenes were everything this season

Also Taoelle <333333 finally

TORI TORI TORI TORI TORI TORI TORI

Naomi and felixxxx I love them so much

JAMES !!!!!!! AND ISAAC !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Also did anyone else notice loveless in the background when they talk things through in the library??)

Ive recently become obsessed with Radiohead because of one of my friends so I really loved the moment with little Charlie and Tao

Just so much queer joy it was beautiful

TARA AND DARCY AND STRUGGLING BUT MANAGING TO COMMUNICATE IN THE END ALSO THE BALANCE BETWEEN CRAZY FUNNY WHIMZY AND DARCY’S FAMILY PROBLEMS I AM UNWELL ANDDDD THE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SCENE

Prom was so adorable aaaaaahhh

The outfits ??????!! 🤌🤌🤌🤌

Also I am absolutely gonna listen to this season’s songs on repeat they were AMAZING and it was so satisfying to hear some that I already knew (plus seven is the only Taylor song I like so it felt extra special and I remember Alice saying in an Instagram story that that song was very Tara/Darcy bf’zodjdkksjf) AND BABY QUEEN I ALMOST FAINTED WHEN I SAW HER AT THE PROM

Also I need you all to know how much like Isaac I am about books. (Also I’m so proud of him aaaaahhh my baby)

The teachers. You agree.

The diner scene was so iconic

Obsessed with the Ben apology scene and Charlie’s reaction

Also is that an Imogen/Sahar thing i sense coming?? Or maybe cool female friendship development im not picky that would be awesome too (ngl though im kinda starting to ship them now)

Oh yes Imogen this season aaahh that was a rollercoaster but I’m so proud of her slay queen

Well that’s all I can think of for now :) all in all I loved this season even more than the first one even though I have no idea how that’s possible but yes I will definitely rewatch it and soon

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viviennevermillion · 10 months ago

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Welcome to my newest AU: Lost but everyone who ever stepped foot on the island has some type of usable magic power from that moment on. Rules for this is every power has a drawback and it only activates at a critical moment to their character arc. Here's what powers I assigned them:

Jack Shephard: Can heal people using his own life force. He can only give up to 50% of his own life force to do this, if the injury can't be healed by that, he can't save a person. Jack's power doesn't activate until way into Season 6 because he didn't have faith in the island.

Kate Austen: Has the same power as Blake Belladonna in RWBY. Both are characters who are established as people on the run because of their past. Their powers reflect that. Whenever Kate is attacked, if she reacts fast enough, she can leave behind a shadow of herself to take the hit for her.

James "Sawyer" Ford: The angrier he gets, the more damage his punches do. On the other hand, if he gets genuinely sad and devastated, his physical abilities are significantly stunted and damage is almost non-existent.

Charlie Pace: Can focus on a person and play or sing a song that reflects their true nature. This can be used to gather information about them. He can only do this once per person.

Claire Littleton: She can sense danger, even when there otherwise isn't any indication of it.

Hugo "Hurley" Reyes: Can speak to the dead. Activates off-island.

Sun-Hwa Kwon: Can accelerate the growth of plants and the natural healing process of animals and people. She has to know and understand the species to do this.

Jin-Soo Kwon: Can communicate with the ocean to go with the "son of a fisherman" theme. If his head is underwater the ocean tries to kill him tho.

John Locke: Is the only one who doesn't have a power. He's like Mirabel Madrigal. He's deeply important to the story but he has 0 magic. He himself and other characters throughout the story think that he does during varying points of time but it's always the MiB messing with him. He realizes this at the end. Can you tell I like angst yet?

Michael Dawson: Can create a magic shield using his own stamina. Shield disappears when his stamina runs out.

Walter "Walt" Lloyd: Astral Projection. Self-explanatory.

Vincent: Ages normally and can die of old age but is otherwise virtually indestructible. Usually animals don't get any powers but Vincent's was given to him by Jacob directly to assist the survivors.

Sayid Jarrah: Can burn a person with his touch when he wants to. Doing this inflicts an equal amount of emotional pain to him as the physical pain he causes. I like angst.

Shannon Rutherford: Can master any skill within 30 minutes if she puts her mind to it. Never figures this out because she has been told that she's useless all her life and believes it. Only uses this once when she translates French but thinks those are lucky guesses.

Boone Carlyle: Blood-bending. Mostly gave this to him because everytime he angrily stares at someone you can tell that his blood is boiling. Never uses this once during his lifetime though.

Rose Henderson Nadler & Bernard Nadler: Have a soul link with one another. They can always tell how the other is feeling and neither of them can die while the other still lives as long as they're on good terms. Virtually indestructible unless you kill them at the exact same time but why the fuck would you.

Ana Lucia Cortez: Pyromancy. Fits her vibe. Also bound to stamina.

Elizabeth "Libby" Smith: Can read people's emotions.

Mr. Eko: Precognition. Can tell what he needs to do when and can anticipate things a couple seconds before they happen.

Benjamin Linus: Everytime he lies (to convince someone of his lie, sarcasm not included), it slightly alters reality in an unexpected way to make his lie appear like the truth. This is how Anthony Cooper gets to the island after Ben tells John about the magic box. The result of his lies is always unexpected and can backfire. He can't make something specific happen intentionally. His power activated during the purge.

Juliet Burke: Ice-bending. This has nothing to do with her character but I've previously seen Elizabeth Mitchell in Once Upon A Time and The Santa Clause and both times she plays a character that has something to do with winter. Also bound to stamina.

Ethan Rom: Superhuman strength. Self-explanatory. It actually takes multiple shots from 6 guns to take him down in this AU.

Harper Stanhope: Can see people's time of death over their head. Was very confused that Juliet's said 1977 and Ben's was way past his normal life expectancy.

Goodwin Stanhope: Idk what his power is but it's certainly not danger sense. 💀

Roger Linus: Can sense fear. Terrible power for a terrible man. I love Ben, I promise. I also love angst tho. The moment Ben killed him was the only time he didn't sense any fear from him, which scared the shit out of him.

Desmond David Hume: Activates his power after the events of "The Constant". Can see glimpses of people's past and future upon touching them. Can only do this once per person.

Frank Lapidus: Always lands safe. Literally always lands on his feet like a cat. Also applies to planes / helicopters he flies.

Charlotte Staples Lewis: Can speak any language after hearing it spoken once. Growing up with this was very confusing off-island.

Miles Straume: Reading the final thoughts of the dead. Self-explanatory.

Daniel Faraday: Stopping time for up to an hour. After using this power, he can't use it for 24 times the amount of time he stopped time for. Only can use it in present time.

Illana Verdansky: Able to tell when people lie.

Danielle Rousseau: Her bullet or arrow always hits the target unless the target specifically blocks it.

Alexandra Rousseau: Can make herself invisible. Used for stealth.

Karl Martin: Can accelerate his speed. Bound to stamina.

Mikhail Bakunin: Telepathy.

Eloise Hawking: Chain Reaction. Once a day for 5 minutes she can see the effects of every action of hers she thinks about.

Charles Widmore: Can take a glimpse at people's destiny. Only can do this once per person.

Richard Alpert: Can't be killed by anything ever. Can't even die of natural causes. Can't die.

#lost abc #lost #abc lost #benjamin linus #ben linus #jack shephard #kate austen #james sawyer ford #james ford #charlie pace #john locke #claire littleton #sun hwa kwon #jin soo kwon #desmond david hume #michael dawson #juliet burke

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mainepdf · 10 months ago

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my full review of ttpd (a month late, shhh)

tw opinions. if you like a song that i don't or vice versa or you don't agree with a comment i made, good for you! get it off your chest, get it off my desk!

fortnight

One of Taylor’s weaker openers, it’s a nice song, not much going on though

the production is boppy, not much going on once again

Interesting how Taylor sees her muse as living a good life without her and a nice domestic scene with his wife watering flowers but for her, her husband is cheating on her, implying she thinks she will never be happy, maybe because of how this relationship went or her general perception of relationships and her experiences with them. That is my interpretation of the song.

The outro with post and taylor's harmonies SLAPS

Like I said, this song feels a bit lacking of substance both thematically and technically, it doesn't do it for me, i don't hate listening to it, i just don't love it.

i think it might be a song that grows on me over time but it won't ever be a fave for me.

i also think in light of the music video, it's lost some of its spark for me, as that music video made no sense to me. i don't think it deserved to be a single.

the tortured poets department

“You left your typerwriter at my apartment, straight from the tortured poets department” implying that this thing of which she is now part had been introduced to her by the muse

The muse has probably compared them to poets like Dylan Thomas and Patti Smith and probably romanticised their relationship into the work of a tortured poet, but that’s not real life.

Taylor brings back to reality that now because of his self sabotage that brought both of them down in this relationship, he has lost the one who will decode him, hold him, know him

the above are just little analyses i like making as i listen to the song, they have nothing to do about whether i like the song or not, it's just me trying to make sense of it. you'll see that a lot.

i do not like the charlie puth line. at all. why is it there?

also don't like the tattooed golden retriever line, the image of a tattooed golden retriever is terrifying.

i was so off-guard about the namedropping in this song, sorry i had no idea who dylan thomas or patti smith were.

this song is trying too hard to be poetic, i think (which one could argue is the whole point of this song), but it doesn't stand out much to me. the themes are interesting though.

this is a pretty weak title track, personally. i feel like it doesn't encapsulate the essence of the album (which i am confused about tbh, ttpd has a lot of aesthetics going on for itself). it has nothing on little fearless and evermore.

my boy only breaks his favourite toys

so we all thought this song would be pretty petty, but i honestly don't think it is extremely so. there's a sort of pity for the muse, that the breaking of his 'favourite toys' is a form of self sabotage and that they could've had it all.

i love how it starts so defeated, "oh here we go again", which i think is in reference to the muse's self sabotage ruining her life

it also feels a bit reflective and nostalgic of the fact that it wasn't all bad, which i quite liked. i liked the contrast of feelings.

"once i fix me, he's gonna miss me" is a devastating line btw

so is "he saw forever so he smashed it up"

song is a bop, i like the lyricism, overall i enjoy this song :)

down bad

i enjoy the cunty synth here ahaha. for all the jokes the fandom makes about jack fucking around with the synth while taylor sings the most soulcrushing lyrics, it is so real especially for this song.

taylor has never sounded so good while swearing. "fuck it if i can't have us" is such an earworm.

i feel like this is the most petty song in the album, mainly because of the "teenage petulance" in the lyrics

the callback to new romantics in the bridge is so insane, i noticed it immediately.

the production is so mystical and giving space alien vibes, i enjoy it.

so long, london

the intro is giving big ben bells and/or wedding bells

the fast beat vs the slow melodies is such an interesting juxtaposition (to my lit teacher, i hope i used this word right XD). i think it really highlights the conflicting feelings this song explores ("i'm just mad as hell 'cause i loved this place") and also how taylor isn't able to keep up with how quickly the relationship is dying (the production) and she's still sifting through her feelings to find acceptance (the melody)

"how much sad did you think i had" something something "how long can we be a sad song" something something "don't want no other shade of blue but you"

the bridge is just the most devastating strike to my heart

"you sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days" is one of my favourite lyrics on this album

track 5 is track 5ing

this song is a masterpiece, i genuinely love it so much

but daddy i love him

get this song out of my face, i hate it so much. blocked on spotify.

why did taylor have to waste good lyricism and production on such an awful premise and "fuck you" to her fans dishing valid criticism of her association with matty?

the baby line is hilarious though, because i did indeed fall for it the first time

like you can talk about taylor's agency all you want but everyone knows what the implications of this song are and i feel hurt and offended that this is the attitude both taylor and some swifties are taking.

"the most judgemental creeps" um, is this fucking play about us?

fresh out the slammer

her voice sounds beautiful in this

love the country twang in the production

it's giving getaway car thematically

i think it's interesting to see this song so soon after so long, london, where she says she was "going down with [the ship]" but she was literally dreaming about running into the arms of another man and was "[doing her] time". like ok girl!

vibey song but not for me. i don't have much to say on this.

florida!!!

IMMEDIATE FAVE, i had claimed this since day 1 and i was so right

cunty production, i can tell florence had a lot of influence. no more synths! bring out the drums!

at first, i had no idea what was happening in this song, but when taylor talked about it being about reinventing yourself, it made a lot more sense to me and i love that interpretation, it rings so true.

can i be honest and say that i thought it said "arms" not "home", like that doesn't even make sense 😭

florence's verse fucking slays, my only gripe is that her voice in the verse is kinda quiet compared to the instrumental. could've used some better mixing here.

"me and my ghosts had a hell of a time" is a banger of a line

the bridge is immaculate, has been in my head since i first listened to it.

this song is amazing, there is nothing like it, pure perfection. top song on the album.

guilty as sin?

obsessed with the beat

hedge maze = labyrinth = the mind, idk i just loved that connection

we have reached the ovulation song lmao

did you know it took me so long to realise the chorus was talking about masturbation? like i knew the song was horny, but i didn't realise it was THAT horny.

i think i called this a mature, sadder false god in my notes. that uncertain, sensual, desiring tone is probably what motivated that connection in my head.

WHAT IF HE'S WRITTEN MINE ON MY UPPER THIGH ONLY IN MY MIIIIIND

the bridge is so beautiful, i am a sucker for religious imagery.

overall i'm obsessed, beat good, lyricism good, i love it

who's afraid of little old me?

now i know this is the fan favourite, and i understand why. it gives an eery, angry vibe, and i also enjoy it. to some extent.

namely, the part i enjoy most is the circus imagery, i liked how she leaned into the circus animal metaphor to depict her struggles in fame and her relationships. it's like a badly behaved circus animal about to be put down absolutely losing it and raging about its plight, which i enjoy as a means of storytelling and expressing emotion. i also enjoy it as a callback to mirrorball and what happens when the mirrorball finally has had enough of shattering in a million pieces and performing for a largely uncaring crowd.

... which is why i don't like the asylum lyric. to me, it doesn't add in anything significant thematically when the rest of the song hardly has similar strains of discussion. not to mention the ableist overtones and trivialisation of the asylum experience but i just don't like this lyric. it weakens the premise of the song.

the production is also off in some places, it feels muted and underwhelming compared to the premise of the song.

it's an okay song, i 100% like the acoustic demo better that she came out with recently. some changes in production and the omission of that asylum lyric would put it higher up for me.

i can fix him (no really i can)

good thing this song is short because she couldn't fix him at all and i don't like this song.

"the jokes that he told across the bar were revolting and far too loud" euphemism for bigoted, taylor?

production is boring, the melody is also pretty boring. the lyrics are good, but not enough to save the song, in my humble opinion (it is after all my review here)

"good boy, that's right" taylor GET UP

the 'woah maybe i can't' is funny though, i'll give her that

loml

slayed, devoured, left no crumbs, left me emotionally devastated

the lyricism is absolutely beautiful, the sadness is tangible

the first time i listened to this, i was on the train, and i was so emotional, it was the perfect music to stare out the window to.

the impressionist painting line is also absolutely brilliant, took me out when i heard it. one of the best lyrics on the album.

the bridge and outro are the reasons i need therapy, destroyed me

loss of my life theorists won but at what cost.

i think some of taylor's simplest songs melodically have some of the most beautiful prose and emotional connection, i think she needs to tap into that more.

10/10 no notes.

i can do it with a broken heart

extreme whiplash hearing this after loml. similar whiplash to what taylor felt, i think, going on tour after such a heartbreak

someone pointed out that the almost metronomic beat and the faint counting in the background is like what taylor hears in her in-ear monitor on tour and i think that's really cool.

obsessed with this song so much

it has been stuck in my head since i first heard it

i never expected this to be the cuntiest song on the album but i am not disappointed at all.

"i cry a lot but i am so productive" is so mecore if i was actually productive

the ad libs at the end are also perfect

is it just me or can i hear crowd noises in the background?? am i imagining this??

i'm afraid the fandom is gravely misunderstanding this song. some are saying that taylor hates us because we were "shouting 'more!' " when she was feeling like this. some are saying that she doesn't resent us at all and that this song absolves us completely. those are both two extremes and my interpretation lies somewhere in the middle. this is not a callout to fans but also some factions of the fandom were (or are) being assholes demanding reputation tv and double albums all the time. acknowledge the nuance.

10/10 obsessed, fave song after florida!!!

the smallest man who ever lived

this song is good.

bridge of all time, indeed, she went OFF

the verses feel a bit meh to me but i love the chorus.

"you didn't measure up in any measure of a man" HAHA TAYLOR IT TOOK ME A SECOND TO GET THE DOUBLE ENTENDRE

this song is indeed petty, but it also feels defeated to me? like taylor just sounds tired of it all and quite hurt, that's what i got from it.

i also love the performance of this song on the eras tour. she is marching with an army and they keep taking hits throughout the song, until she eventually falls at the end. something something "the great war" something something "fighting with only your army, frontlines, don't you ignore me", etc.

the alchemy

i feel a little let down by this song? because from the name, i assumed this song would be using the concept of alchemy being a medieval science of turning things into gold or finding a universal cure as a metaphor for a broken/dying relationship.

also i don't understand how this is meant to be a love song, sounds really sad to me? like almost defeatist in terms of how the relationship.

why am i being bombarded by football metaphors?

i mean, it sort of plays on the idea of alchemy being a sort of magical transformation, but to me, it just feels like a synonym for chemistry.

" 'cause the sign on your heart says it's still reserved for me" is a cute lyric though.

it's quite formulaic as a song and there's not much going on for me. anyway.

clara bow

i really enjoy the concept of this song being the torch of fame being passed onto different women, from clara bow to stevie nicks to taylor swift to whoever's next.

once again, it's quite simple melodically, but this is where she shines! the typewriter while she was writing this must have been on fire!!

i also love how it plays on the concept of being put onto a pedestal as a famous woman and how you're only appealing until people decide you're not

"it's hell on earth to be heavenly" is such a perfect lyric.

the namedrop of herself GAGGED me on first listen, i was amazed.

it's a perfect closer to the first half, putting everything into the perspective of her fame and passing the torch onto something else because society has decided out with old, in with the new.

the black dog

the thing about the location settings makes me so ill, he didn't even think to turn it off for her. they probably shared locations to make sure they could check up on each other, and it was still on. it is such a tiny thing but so devastating.

the buildup on "old habits die screaming" ohhhhh this is amazing

the best laid plans... hoax...

"i still miss the smoke" people are making parallels to daylight but my first thought was lavender haze, like missing the lavender haze, you know?

the priest lyric is so devastating if you think about the fact that taylor thought she'd be meeting a priest about this relationship for a different, happier reason...

obsessed with this song, it's so beautiful.

the quietness of the verses and the loudness of the chorus, i am genuinely entranced, it is cinema.

imgonnagetyouback

do not ask me to compare this song with olivia rodrigo's "get him back", they're both on different levels thematically and tonally even though they use the same double entendre.

what narcotics did she put in this bridge XD

so boppy, and sensual, i adore it

i remember going on a long search for the literary device that is present in "i hear the whispers in your eyes", decided it was antithesis with the help of my followers. not at all relevant, but wanted to add it.

the albatross

i can make a lot of parallels to peace with this song.

it's so eery and mythical, i love it, treats taylor like a fable, an urban legend.

aaron dessner is a fucking legend, i am loving the production on the anthology

my folkmore girlie self is loving the anthology for real

i love the bait and switch to "fake news", exposing these rumours for simply that, and saying that she's not the dangerous one, the "jackals rais[ing] their hackles" are.

i am always a sucker for when taylor changes from third person to first person narration, it's so important to me. bait-and-switch, you are everything to me.

10/10 no notes.

chloe or sam or sophia or marcus

heartbreakingly beautiful. just a general melancholy around the breaking down of a relationship and is so so perfect.

the hologram lyric is not about cheating at all. the relationship is long gone, this is taylor envisioning her muse in a new relationship but she isn't there, hence the hologram. i've seen some people say it was about cheating, that interpretation doesn't make sense to me.

"you turned me into an idea of sorts" -> "the idea you had of me, who was she?"

random thought, but the lyricism on the anthology is so much better and natural as compared to the first half. i enjoy the bops on the first half but it also suffers from trying too much to be poetic (i think i said this about the title track especially). there are so many overloaded lyrical runs and random references that leave me confused and overwhelmed. the anthology however feels so much more quintessentially taylor.

don't have much to say on the song itself, i quite like it.

how did it end?

the intro literally makes me ascend!!

i really love how this song investigates and criticises the inherent curiosity people have around big news like a breakup, constantly probing for details.

once again, the simpler songs contain the best lyricism and melodies!!

this song both explains and expresses confusion about the end of the relationship, so i love the paradoxical nature of that.

"we learn the right steps to different dances" is such a devastating line and i think sums up the end of many relationships so succinctly.

the second chorus is giving right where you left me: "did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen?" etc.

THE BRIDGE, TAYLOR HOW DO YOU DO IT

the d-y-i-n-g part is just so devastating. taylor uses the themes of death and haunting so well on this album.

i know i've said this like 10 times, but this is just so so beautiful.

so high school

the guitar in the background is giving hits different, it hits different when it's you!!

despite the happy tone and lyrics, i do feel the sad, anxious undertone, the key example being the marry, kiss, or kill me part (the echoed "kill me", "it's just a game but really")

the aristotle and grand theft auto line has been used countlessly to shit on taylor's songwriting, and personally, i don't like this line. just doesn't hit right for me. however, i think it's unfair to pick cringe lyrics and ignore all the beautiful, meaningful ones to shit on taylor.

i do love the imagery with high school games like truth or dare and spin the bottle, really cements the "so high school" of it all.

this song is okay to me, it feels too american for me to enjoy it more lmao.

i hate it here

i love the poet and finance guy line at the beginning, it expresses a sort of desperation to get to know this person, to uncover their insecurities, deepest secrets, and love them anyway. it may also be introspective of taylor herself, idk.

calling comfort a construct is so quietly sad. convincing yourself since you've never had it, it can't be real because it's better than being cursed or doomed to never have it (see the prophecy)

this song is so escapist, but also so cynical about the escapism, it clearly isn't a preferred option, like it's not just escaping into childhood and nostalgia for the sake of it, it's because the real world fucking sucks.

the chorus slays, and is quite relatable.

the use of the word "precocious" is so interesting to me. she used it also in "but daddy i love him" if i remember correctly. like she resonates a lot with the feeling of being stunted in childhood or having seemed to never grow up -> "i have this thing where i get older but just never wiser" -> "i never grew up, it's getting so old" -> "i hit my peak at seven", idk i find it an interesting recurring theme in taylor's discography.

the 1830s line, and just that entire first half of the verse. i know why it's there, i know what it's doing, i know it's not meant to be taken seriously. still i don't like it. it also feels weird that she is calling out racism as a staple of the 1830s or whatever when she has shown us she is perfectly fine with dating a racist. you can say i'm being overdramatic. you can say i don't get it. idc. i try to ignore this part because this is a very good song and i love its themes and production.

"nostalgia is a mind's trick" i really love this because the entire song is so nostalgic for childhood and escapism but then she's like "actually nostalgia sucks" or it's not what it seems. no, the past would not have been better.

production feels like seven. themes quite different however (thematically, it would be robin, i think.)

the bridge combats the cynicism of the second verse which is so interesting to me. i love how opposing views on nostalgia and escapism are presented, the nuance is there.

the bridge is so mecore, i feel it in my bones.

thanK you aIMee

i really enjoy the small town as a microcosm for the giant music industry and reducing kim to a bully in this analogy.

this song is so cathartic for me, i really enjoy it in the lens of a friendship breakup.

she's so funny in this song "and so i changed your name and any real defining clues" while clearly spelling out her name in the song title.

the bridge fucking slays, likely thing for taylor to do.

it's such a breath of fresh air to have such a cathartic moment in an album that's largely dealing with huge emotions in huge ways, it's so interesting here as an addition to the anthology.

i look in people's windows

it's such a beautiful song and it's criminal how short it is

her voice sounds heavenly, i love how breathy it is.

it's giving "the outside" which is why i love it so much, i think

i think this not only works as a song grieving the end of a relationship but expressing the feeling of being left out in a current one; i definitely relate to it in that sense.

"does it feel alright not to know me?" is so so heartwrenching, i cannot do this

the prophecy

i am a sucker for mythology references so i'm already drawn in with the title.

once again, the song itself sounds so beautiful.

"i got cursed like eve got bitten" except she didn't get bitten?? the curse came after she ate the forbidden fruit?? i'm a bit confused here

WAIT NVM IT'S THE FACT THAT SHE DIDN'T GET BITTEN THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT OF THE SIMILE, HEAR ME OUT

saying something so factually incorrect and comparing it to her own experience implies that the latter is ALSO incorrect. she didn't "get cursed", she cursed herself!! which also defies the notion of "the prophecy", ohhhhhh i find this so interesting.

i think the notion of "a greater woman" or "a lesser woman" speaks to the expectations placed around women in relationships, they mustn't appear too desperate for love because that's undesirable but if they are nonchalant, they are also undesirable, it is worth exploring in terms of this song.

this song is so so sad and sadly so so relatable, i definitely find some comfort and resonance in this and it makes me really sad :(

i love the references to mythology and folklore made here, "the pricked hand" very obviously referencing sleeping beauty.

i always love it when taylor repeats the first verse at the end of a song, i think it speaks to the cyclical, circular nature of this specific feeling, that no matter how much she begs and pleads, "the prophecy" will never change.

cassandra

another mythology reference!!!

this being after "the prophecy" is so so deliberate, godssss

the piano is giving "mad woman", which i think is so fitting

"so they killed cassandra first 'cause she feared the worst" that's not actually why cassandra was killed in mythology but go off queen

"they say what doesn't kill you makes you aware" is an unreal run

that being said, i love it when taylor takes common sayings and aphorisms and gives them a twist. she does it a lot in this album, one of my favourite examples being "old habits die screaming" as a twist on "old habits die hard"

"blood's thick but nothin' like a payroll" i am hooked completely oml

10/10 no notes

peter

more folklore references, let's go!!!!

this song is so hauntingly beautiful, the lyricism is so poetic and flows perfectly, genuinely this is what i love about taylor

as a folklore girlie, i am WINNING with the anthology

i can't get over the "jet stream" line here vs "jet stream" in "call it what you want" 🫠

once again, a bridge that fucking slays, how does she keep doing it

it's so interesting how taylor grapples with the concept of childhood and precociousness in this album with so many mentions and callbacks to childhood and feeling stunted as a child and now, it really is an ode to "you're stuck at the age you became famous" (which is sad in many aspects but also problematic in others)

the chorus is also just so perfect, everything about this song is perfect.

the bolter

obsessed does not even cover it

what a banger start to a song

the chorus reminds me a lot of "illicit affairs", i think, interesting connections can be made there

"as she was leaving, it felt like breathing" as in a sigh of relief that it's over, but also she does it so often it is quite literally as quotidian and simple as "breathing"

i love taylor's tendencies to make songs in the third person narrative voice, i think her best storytelling comes out like this.

"there's escape in escaping"- i think this is sort of a commentary on how the identity of "the bolter" is like a coping/defense mechanism to ensure that she doesn't get hurt in a relationship, in that there is an escape from her insecurities, her worries, and the eminent pain she will face in the relationship by quite literally escaping.

but there's also often the bait and switch ("then it was bought by me", "i'm the albatross, i swept in at the rescue") but i find it so interesting that this song does not do that, if only i can make a meaningful analysis there, but my running theory is that she deliberately chooses to distance herself from the identity of "the bolter", bc while she does dote on this character and is rather affectionate in how she tells the story, she doesn't feel like attaching herself to it, in that maybe it's an identity she no longer wants to hold or that, like she frequently says, she doesn't believe these songs or stories are about her anymore and that they take on new meaning..

anyway i am loving this song, 10/10

robin

WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS SONG, IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL

it's so sweet how she is consoling the child, ensuring them that they should enjoy this time they have now, and that they will be kept safe from their future.

but it's so sad in that regard, like, "we don't wanna hurt you so we're not telling you how this will pan out to protect your childhood innocence".

this once again cements my preoccupation with taylor's discussions around childhood and youth, she mentions frequently how that was taken away from her too soon and how she has felt "precocious" because of it. it's so important to understand and this song should NOT be overlooked.

i really like it.

the manuscript

this song is so heartbreaking, i want to punch the wall

i never thought about the fact how doing the atw short film would have rekindled these old memories and feelings, and this song is surely a direct result of that. not surprising, in hindsight, but it still compelled me when i first heard it.

once again, youth being taken too soon!! precociousness!!

someone needs to take the word "precocious" away from me

"but the story isn't mine anymore" HHHHHHHHH THIS IS THE WHOLE POINT

very nice song, beautiful closer to the anthology and the entire album as a whole, "these stories used to be about me but now they're about you".

overall thoughts

i hate to say it, but i think this album is in a desperate need of editing; there's so much going on, most of which is compelling and worth exploring, but everything is disjunct with each other and i know this work is meant to feel messy, don't start with me there, but it shouldn't be messy to the point where it's confusing and overwhelming. there are so many concepts and metaphors that are so intriguing and clearly important in taylor's music but the final products of those become half-baked in mediocre production or mixing. this album feels rushed and is soaked with questionable decisions. for example, i think "i can do it with a broken heart" should have been a single and title track because i think it's such a central part of her experiences recently and clearly something permeating the rest of this collection, and how she learns to move on and cope in light of heartbreak. there are several moments where the lyricism of the album feels overwhelming and overcompensating, as in trying too hard to contain meaning. the best lyrical moments on this album are seamless and subtle, and very prosodic as well. taylor tried to deviate from that formula quite a bit and it didn't always work out for the best in this album. she is not as adept at throwing in conversational lyrics as her peers, her strength is in prose and storytelling. the production is also getting a bit old, it's very sonically cohesive, almost to the point of it being boring, and i think taylor needs to get a bit more experimental sonically, and also ensure that the melody and production work together in more different ways, and that maybe the melody is not relying on the production but vice versa. the album is certainly not all lows, but the lows are particularly lower than in other instances of her discography.

that being said, the highs on this album are absolutely breathtaking. the majority of the anthology and quite a few songs on this album captured me instantly. this album is quite mellow, and could have benefitted from another bop or two, but the ones we received were astounding!! this album also had some really strong lyricism, especially in the anthology, and it was so intriguing seeing the many metaphors and situations she used to express her feelings. her storytelling in particular really shone in this album in songs like "the albatross", "the bolter", "clara bow", "cassandra", "the manuscript" among others. i love the themes and ideas that taylor explored in this album, and overall the premises really compelled me.

in terms of rankings, i've separated the two halves. the first half (ttpd) is second-last and the second half (the anthology) is 8th out of 12 (not 11 because ttpd is split in two).

if you've read this far, congratulations, have a treat of your choice. please be mindful and respect my opinion, thanks!

#diya's musings #ts #ttpd review #ttpd #fave

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cobalt-axolotl · 1 year ago

Text

I plan on doing art RQS (request not the remnant queue system)

I would love if you submitted your head cannons and ask me my own.

About me

I am a demiromantic pansexual demiboy

I fictionkin Cassidy

Cassidy is my main blorbo

My prounouns he/him

My name is Austin but I also go by cobalt, charlie (my middle name is charles), and that mother fucker

My favorite fandoms are the following: homestuck, COTL, scp, fnaf, dsaf, Dhmis. Danny phantom, megaman, creepypasta, glitch productions, Minecraft, Ben 10, omori, undertale, sonic, gravity falls, Pokémon, bendy, TcoA&L, analog horror as a whole (especially Mandela catalog, angel hare, and Midwest Angelica), gr3gory88, helluva boss, hazbin hotel, TF2, moral orel, half life, half life VR but the AI is self aware, bioshock, 5YL, Spooky’s Jump-scare Mansion, The owl house, epithet erased, amphibia, Steven universe, Henry stickmin, disc world, AO ONI, pizza tower, and various tokusatsu

My favorite animal is the axolotl

I mainly post incorrect quotes and art but I do run an ask blog for my AU’s

I am a simp for papyrus undertale

Minecraft is my favorite video game

I run an 14+ blog

By the time I am making this edit I am 18 years old.

My OTPs are Evan x Cassidy and marlie

DNI (do not interact)

Transphobes

Racist

Sexist

TERFs

Homophobes

Pedophiles

Trolls

Stupid people (people who refuse to learn)

List of my AUs and they’re connected cannons

Golden children (fnaf)

Shattered souls (fnaf)

Malefactor malfunction (fnaf and Ben 10)

Glam it (fnaf)

Triple M (scp)

Xanthophobia (fnaf)

GMTC (fnaf and undertale)

B&P (fnaf and dnd)

NUCN (fnaf)

SBR (fnaf)

Under void (undertale)

Fazrune (fnaf and deltarune combo)

Like it never even happened (fnaf)

List of oc’s and ther connected AUs

Nick (my fnaf AUs)

Virgil (under void)

List of my AU’s with songs that describe them

Golden children: just gold by Mandi pony (I don’t like the guy I just like his music)

Shattered souls: creepin towards the dirt by griffinila

Malefactor malfunction: the ben 10 theme song (just replace the words Ben 10 with Cassidy)

Glam it: this comes from inside by the living tombstone

Triple M: secure container protect by madame macabre

Xanthophobia: look what you made me do by taylor swift

GMTC (give me the child): collared by vane

Bears and pizzerias: your the key by Kyle Allen music

Nicks ultimate custom night: replay your nightmare by hard ninja

Stuck in the back room (my alive AU): I’m still standing by Elton John

Under void: gasters theme by Toby fox

Characters in my AU’s

Cassidy Noelle Carter (died at 14 in golden child au) (in the golden children AU she becomes Fredbear and in the shattered souls, glam it, xanthophobia ,and malefactor malfunction AU she doesn’t die) (can speak German) (learned German so she can figure out what’s bothering Nick and calm him down) (in xanthophobia nicks death drives her to the point of insanity and causes here to become a serial killer “super edgy I know”) (in shattered souls she marries Evan but doesn’t change her last name due to her hatred for William) (learned Korean from her mother and is fluent it)

Evan afton (crying child) (died at 12 in golden children au but not dead in malefactor malfunction, glam it, xanthophobia, or shattered souls Au) (loses all sense of empathy after the bite of 83 in xanthophobia “a head injury can do that to you right?”) (marry’s cassidy in shattered souls)

Benny afton (Cassidy’s and Evan son biological son in shattered souls) (an analog to golden children Cassie)

Goldie (he’s here he’s there he’s everywhere who you gonna call psychic friend fred-bear)

Gregory afton (Vanessa’s brother in the golden children au) (trans gender FTM)

Cassie Maxie Carter (nick and Elizabeth’s adopted daughter in the golden children AU) (named after her aunt)

Kasey Roxanna Carter (Cassidy’s twin sister) (nicks older sister) (lesbian) (cares for Nick as much as Cassidy but is unable to understand him at times) (neli’s ex girlfriend) (posses Roxanne wolf) (currently dating Susie) (learned Korean from her mother and is fluent in it)

Gaberiel grim (died at 10) (died in 1985) (possesses Freddy)

Jeremy grim (died at 11) (died in 1985) (posses Bonnie)

Fritz smith(died at 3) (died in 1985) (posses foxy)

Susie McCarthy (died at 14) (died in 1985) (posses chica) (Kasey’s current girlfriend)

Adrian smith(died at 5) (died in 1987) (part of the second mci) (posses mangle)

Millie fitzsimmons (died at 18) (died in 1987) (part of the second mci) (possesses toy Bonnie)

Markus Murphy (died at 17) (died in 1987) (part of the second mci) (possesses toy Freddy)

Nelli Twain ( died at 16) (died in 1987) $part of the second mci) (possesses toy chica) (Kasey’s ex girlfriend)

Jake McCarthy (died at 6) (died in 2016) (used to posses stitch wraith along with Andrew)

Andrew Montgomery Emily (died at 16) (died in 1987) (part of the second MCI) (posses Monty in the golden children au) (used to possess stitch wraith along with Jake) (was besties with Cassidy and Evan)

Charlie Emily / Charlie afton (not dead in the golden children or Xanthophobia au) (is dead in shattered souls) (marries Mike in the golden children au)

Mike afton

Vanessa afton (Mike and Charlie’s daughter in golden children au)

Elizabeth Clair Afton / Elizbeth Clair Carter (doesn’t die or posses baby in the golden children au) (died at 8 in the shattered souls & malefactor malfunction AU’s) (is nicks best friend) (dies to circus baby in shattered souls au) (takes Evan’s place in shattered souls au) (born in 1979 in the main 2 AU’s) (married to Nick as an adult in the golden children au) (going to college to become a psychologist in the golden children au)

Malary Emily ( Henry’s wife) (Charlie and Sammy’s mom)

Henry emily (dies at 63) (championed for better treatment of autism in the golden children AU)(mentored Nick in robotics after Edd’s death)

Clair afton (died at 20 due to suicide) (Williams ex)

Loralai afton (Williams current life) (survives in every AU I made) (her name is also a pun on Ballora) (Evan and Elizabeth’s mom)

William Afton (Dies at 36)

Dave miller (nicks therapist) (named after book and DSAF Dave)

Nikki Carter (Nick, Kasey, and Cassidy’s mom) (Korean immigrant) (left while Nick was too young to remember) (may or may not have indirectly been the cause of David’s abuse to towards Nick)

Malcom faraday zanaflex (main protagonist of my scp au)

Dr Elias Munro (died at 79 on the year 1981) (original owner of fredbear’s sing’n show) (was a father figure to Henry and William) (was their boss before he retired in 1955)

Zachary Munro/nightmarionne (not dead) (became a mutant after a remnant injection) (immortal) (grandson of Elias)

Garret schmit (basically Garret from the movie combined with Mike from the movie)

Abby schmit (just Abby from the movie)

Jeremy Fitzgerald

Sammy Lewis emily (is younger than Charlie in these AU’s) (like around nicks age) (non verbal until his twelfth birthday) (good with Rubik’s cubes) (dies in xanthophobia and takes charlottes place as the puppet)

Billy (AI created by William afton to watch after evan while he worked on his projects)

Jack Kennedy (named after the one from DSAF just nota corpse) (Bonnie mask Bully) (gave Nick the spring Bonnie mask) (was much less willing than mikes other friends during the bite of 83) (mikes right hand man)

Maddison Simmons (jacks girlfriend) (chica mask Bully) (was much more willing than her boyfriend)

Jerry Mann (Freddy mask bully) (just as willing as Mike & Emilia)

Vinny (literally just exist to be Sammy’s boyfriend because I don’t like Sammy being forever alone)

Nickolas Alastair Carter (Kasey and Cassidy’s younger brother) (has a red Bonnie plushi named mr Marvo) (is a paranoid schizophrenic) (was raised by his sisters due to them having bad parents) (takes Cassidy’s place in shattered souls au) (works at the pizzaplex in the glam it au) (born in 1983 in the main 2 AU’s) (has a slightly un healthy obsession with Bonnie the bunny) (was hired on by Henry during the events of fnaf 1 in golden children AU) (often wore a Red Bonnie halloeeen mask as a child) (can speak German but only does it when he’s extremely angry or when he finds a certain word to be extremely funny) (autistic “like me”) (he’s also really defensive about his intellect) (died in a ball pit in shattered souls au) (acespec panromantic) (post ffps his soul transfers into eclipse in the SS Au)

Edwin Alastair Carter (Aka. Grandpa eddy) (Nick and Cassidy’s grand father) (their only parrental figure that isn’t abusive to Nick) (was hired by Henry and William to design the springlock suits) (built the mimic as a friend for Nick) (also made the old man consequences AI)

David mobi carter (Nick, Kasey, and Cassidy’s father) (abusive towards Nick in specific) (Cassidy is his favorite) (ignores Kasey) (is manipulative towards Nick)

Old man consequences (an AI that acts as a sorta therapist to Nick in my AU’s)

Nightmare (before being possessed by half of nicks soul it was the first working springlock suit known as proto lefty) (not one of the nightmare animatronics) (half of nicks soul)

Marvo Marvelous (half of nicks soul in the shattered souls au) (a red magician hare)

NYX

Glitchtrap (separate from mimic) (had his consciousness put into a roomba)

Captain poncho (nicks imaginary friend) (scares Gagleon)

Stitch wraith (possessed by Andrew and Jake)

Fredbear (possessed by Cassidy and Evan in golden children au)

Plush trap (in the golden child au he is a little drone sent out by null trap)

Null (second spring Bonnie suit that William place Evans body in after he died) (possessed by Evan in the both AU’s)

Mxes the hare (in the au he is named after mr mxes) (the au version of him looks more human in the AUs) (in golden children au he was first an animatronic for the fnaf 1 location that filled the same role as the then defunct security puppet) (created my nick)

RWQFSFASXC (all of nicks insecurities in physical form) (main antagonist of the GMTC AU) (shadow Bonnie)

Shadow Freddy

Mr mxes (has half of Cassidy’s soul inside of it in golden child au) (is choc full of agony from Nick)

Mimic (nick and Cassidy pretend he’s their older brother as in all three AU’s he just lives with the two)

Nickolai (animatronic human built by Henry as a third entertainer at fredbear’s family diner) (starts wearing a Fredbear Halloween mask after the mci for… “reasons”)

Void Bonnie (shattered souls spring Bonnie) (has a shadow variant name dark trap) (this Springbonnie is possessed by Nick not William afton as he simply feeds off of William’s agony) (heroic counterpart to Springtrap) (takes golden Freddy’s place in shattered souls AU) (born from Nick’s corpse being put into a certain ball pit) (name after the void between the physical and spiritual plains)

Mangle

Miketrap (the pit creature before metamorphosing into pit Bonnie) (a Monroe experiment)

Salvage (an old springlock suit given life through mysterious means) (a Monroe experiment)

Nightmarionne (a nightmare version of the puppet) (a Monroe experiment)

Remnant Queue System (the shadow’s child)

Night-watch (machine built by Mike to hunt down what’s left of Fazbear entertainment and destroy William once and for all) (-the rebuilt endo of Fredbear)

The classics

The toy animatronics

The withered animatronic

Springtrap (not darktrap) (in shattered souls darktrap used the spring locks to curve his violent tendencies and forget about him being a killer) (in shatttered souls his charge goes from being a humanized billcipher as William to a dsaf Dave miller and gruncle stan combo as Springtrap)

The nightmares (evil versions of the twisted ones in the golden children au)

The fun times

Ennard the clown (the in between of the fun times and glamrocks with his blood lust being replaced by a humanoid level of sapience) (has a shape sifting gimmick which he uses to entertain kids)

The Glamrocks

The twisted ones (in the my AU’s they’re good guys and built by Mike along with night-watch)

The hellfire animatronics (upgraded versions of the twisted ones)

The night terror animatronics (scrap’s, night terror Freddy, night terror Bonnie, night terror foxy, and night terror chica,)

The salvage animatronics (salvage Monty, salvage freddy, salvage ennard, and darktrap) (constructed from broken animatronics) (end is are exposed) (partially inspired by the ignited animatronics)

And the omori charecters are cannon to the malefactor malfunction au cuz why the fuck not

The springlock animatronics (fredbear, spring Bonnie, and Alastair)

Villains for malefactor malfunction can be found here

How the AU’s work

Each au has four version (book style in which it falls into silver eye’s continuity, game style in which it falls into game continuity, movie style in which it falls into movie continuity, and amalgam style in which it combines all three continuity’s into one)

In xanthophobia Cassidy is the villain (William afton die’s extremely soon in the AU and for once in his life never comes back)

So in my most of my AU’s the souls are able to grow old despit not being alive which explains any shipping you might see. Most of it isn’t my doing though

Elizabeth x Nick is only cannon in golden children

Unless its Evan x Cassidy or Mike x Charlie

TF2 is cannon in the golden children au (i mostly just wanted to make fnaf 2 Jeremy TF2 Jeremy)

The golden children au takes place in the late 80s to early 90s with flash forwards towards the pizzaplex era while the shattered souls au takes place in 1991 and the malefactor malfunction shifts the entire time line to start in 2000 GMTC takes place around 1999 to 2018 xanthophobia takes place in in the 2000s and 2010s

In shattered souls Springtrap is much nicer due to him losing his murdeous tendencies after getting spring locked

malefactor malfunction is a Ben 10 fnaf crossover with Cassidy having a version of the omnitrix called kaizotrix

The blog itself is cannon in all AU’s

This is a link to the malefactor malfunction aliens list for all of Cassidy’s kaizotrix transformations

As well as facts about the malefactors

Also a timeline for my main AU

*Warning*

Some times I can be very cringe

Check these people out too

@sparkledogzvomit

@sotogalmo

@asksamanthalawrence324

@hearts4ggy

@therealprismcat

@afton-family-askblog

@midnight--motorist

@corpserabbit

@sassysoulstranger

@harley-angel

@simply-icarus

@fredbearcassidy

@wind-the-music-box

@kriemhild-kafka

@dommarhooober

@sea-menace

@ask-basil-omori

@amilotta

@apocalypticjay

@shywizardflower

@beardedstrangerdreamland

@ilovelawrencee

@kaycrowley

@lizzie-get-in-the-robot

@vinyl-lol

@viarayy01-blog

@ghosts-cant-die-twice

@it-came-from-mount-ebott

@idsfantasy

@childo0p

@thecryptidart1st

@the-smiley-blue-axolotl

@museumoftinyhens

@i-live-in-your-basement

@serpentdragon777

@ramunehana (if you 18+)

@artistmediocore

Also check my alts

@cobal-axolotl-undertale

@tokucross-fanproject

@red-documents-redo

@nick-and-cass

@nightmare-from-fnaf4

I also put Nick official design down here

Here is my creepypasta and uncharacteristically ask blog

An here at my character designs so far https://www.tumblr.com/random-world-64/735868089007259648/all-my-major-chararacters-so-far

And here’s some fanfics I’m working on

her is my sona AXOL

Lore alarm

The blog itself is also a cross over point for my AU’s and in multiverse it’s ran by the characters

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bloodmoon24 · 8 months ago

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Meet the User

(Warning: Long ass list)

OC Name: Luz V. Storm

What I am:

• An digital artist

• Autistic

• Animal lover

• Dog person (with some love for cats as well)

• Taurus

• 19 years old

• Bisexual

• AroAce

• Genderfluid (Pronouns she/her/they)

My Fandoms:

• Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss

• Ben 10

• Murder Drones

• Sonic the Hedgehog

• TinkerBell

• Lackadaisy

• Ever After High

• Trolls

• The Amazing Digital Circus

• Avatar

• Spider Man

• Wild Kratts

• MLP/EG

• TMNT 2012/ROT

• The Owl House

What I Draw:

• Ships

• Crossovers

• References

• Fashion ideas

What I Don’t/Can’t Draw:

• Proper backgrounds

• Requests that are too much, or have too many details

• NSFW (I’m somewhat complex with this one. No clue why)

What I Love:

• Drawing

• Music: Pop, techno, k-pop, Latino, movie songs, rock/rock-pop type of genres

• Strawberry/grape flavor sodas

• Astronomy, biology, zoology

• Animals

• Indie animations

• Chicken sandwiches/quesadillas/nuggets

• Reese’s cups/chocolate ice cream

• Kawaii

• Learning about history and culture

• Darker shades of red and grey

• Techno, robotic, fairy, nature aesthetics

• Spiritual/Fairy stuff

• Rainy days (bonus: with hot cocoa)

• Peppermint Frappuccino

• Fanfiction

• Fantasy/Cartoons

• Sitcoms

• Making friends

• Looking back at old and fun memories

• Magical things

What I Hate:

• Not being understood

• Nobody listening to me

• Death to me or the people I love

• Big changes

• People taking or touching my stuff

• People being rude to me/making fun of me

• People making jokes that sounds very hurtful

• Being annoyed/ignored

• Scary movies/shows/anime

• Creepy crawlers/Spiders (Even though I love Spider Man)

• Nobody understanding autism/autistic people

• TERFS, racism, sexism, homo/transphobic people

• Vomiting

• Loud sounds

• People who abuses literally everything and everyone at any age

• Nature being harmed and nobody not doing anything to help it

• People giving me too many things to do

• Other users rushing me on making an edit/asking me a complicated request for an edit

• Catfishing/Predators/Pedos (STAY OUT)

• Jokes that aren’t funny

• Talking to others (sometimes)

• Extremely gory things

• People not paying attention/ignoring my special interests and misread the plot of the franchise

• People dissing on my favorite fandoms

My OCs:

• Moonlight Storm (Very first one ever for MLP/EG)

• BloodMoon Storm (Hellaverse)

• Unnamed NightLight Fury (HTTYD)

• BeatDrop (Techno Troll)

• Rapidity (First alien, Kineceleran, for Ben 10)

• Thorax the Spider Woman (Spider Man)

• Storm Prime (Original robot OC (gonna redesign her)

• Moon the Bat, the Chaos Witch (Sonic the Hedgehog)

• Prototype L (Murder Drones)

• Unnamed Na’vi OCs (Avatar/Way of Water)

• Tick-Tick the Robot (The Amazing Digital Circus)

• Moon the Art Fairy (TinkerBell)

• Evelyn V. Carmen (Lackadaisy)

Ever After High OC coming soon

What I Allowed:

• Art requests

• Questions

Who I Ship:

• Alastor x Vox

• Charlie x Vaggie

• Zestial x Sir Pentious

• Adam x Lute

• Husk x Angel Dust

• Asmodeus x Fizzarolli

• Feedback x Big Chill

• XLR8 x HeatBlast

• Ben x Rook

• Looma x Attea

• N x Uzi

• V x Lizzy

• Sonic x Shadow

• Amy x Blaze

• Silver x Mephiles/Espio (I’m having trouble picking which one)

• Knuckles x Rouge

• Luz x Amity

• Twilight Sparkle x Sunset Shimmer

• Mordecai x Rocky

• Ivy x Freckle

• Wick x Zib

• Bezel x Trazuil (my partner’s OC)

• Apple White x Darling Charming

• Cerise Hood x either Kitty/Daring/Raven

#meet the artist #meet the blogger #meet the user #long ass post #I tend to rant a lot

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marxonculture · 3 months ago

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Albums of the Year 2024

I used to do this every year, but as with everything else in my life, the pandemic and academia got in the way. This is the first year since 2021 where I've made a concerted effort to keep up with (at least to some extent) new music, and I'm feeling the itch to do that typical too-online, self-indulgent thing of writing up a list of my favourite new albums of the year in the vain hope someone might care about it.

Believe it or not, I used to do a full 50-album list, but I'm chilling out a bit with this one and limiting it to 20. These are the records that have gotten me through a hugely transitional year in my life, and my only hope is that if you're reading this, at least one of these records might end up meaning something to you, too.

20. Cunningham Bird by Madison Cunningham and Andrew Bird

A collaboration, built over the last few years, culminates in a wonderful ode to one of the greatest, most volatile, singer/songwriter collaborations of all time.

19. Understory: Live at the Village Vanguard by Ben Wendel

One of those great, live jazz recordings that makes you feel as if you're sat in the venue, watching it all unfold. Brought me back to my own, religious experience at the Vanguard from a couple years ago.

18. Woodland by Gillian Welch and David Rawlings

The neo-old time genre's greatest songwriting duo return with an unapologetically contemporary suite of beautiful new songs. There's a reason Welch is your favourite folk songwriter's favourite songwriter.

17. Nothing by Louis Cole and the Metropole Orkest

If you're into Louis Cole's whole deal, then the majority of this record will feel pleasantly familiar to you. Just add on a full orchestra to give the oddball's usual brand of jazz/funk/fever dream songwriting some extra depth, as well as provide a new colour palette for some rather daring compositional diversions. Lovely.

16. Eagle's Point by Chris Potter

Not a huge amount to say about this one other than that it's an immensly entertaining set of new tunes from four of the greatest jazz musicians currently alive. What's not to like?

15. King of the Mischievous South Vol. 2 by Denzel Curry

Not usually my preferred brand of hip-hop, but at this point, I'll give anything Denzel Curry does a chance, and while this record isn't as much my thing as his last few projects, it's so meticulously made and visceral that I've found myself returning to it over and over again.

14. HIT ME HARD AND SOFT by Billie Eilish

The first of three absolutely essential pop records from 2024 on this list. Eilish and her brother/producer have designed an imaculate album of queer love (and lust) songs which feel especially mature for such a young artist.

13. Against the Fall of Night by Sungazer

I'm glad bassist Adam Neely has diverted his attention away from video essays to focus on his metrically-experimental, electronic jazz group, Sungazer, because this band is doing legitimately crazy and fascinating work. Give this a spin if you like the challenge of trying to head bang to music which refuses to be rhythmically predictable.

12. brat by Charli XCX

Maybe the album of the year in terms of pure cultural dominance. brat is, by my count, second only to one other pop record released in this calendar year (stay tuned). If you could make an audio recording of adrenaline, it'd sound like this. Summer may be over, but I'm not ready to stop bumpin' that.

11. Cowboy Carter by Beyoncé

She's just unstoppable, okay? This latest record from arguably the most famous woman alive is properly totemic pop Americana. If I had to pick a single song of the year, it might be '16 Carriages', which makes it all the more impressive that the rest of the album is good enough to hold up in comparison. It's also cool getting to see some of my favourite bluegrass musicians being involved in a project this massive.

10. Speak to Me by Julian Lage

Julian Lage might be the single most impressive jazz guitarist alive. All of his projects are good if not great, but this one was particularly exciting because he made his recorded return to the acoustic guitar - a real treat whenever it happens. Surrounded by a large-ish and very eclectic ensemble of musicians, Lage's compositions and playing sparkle even more than usual.

9. Wall of Eyes by The Smile

I like Radiohead, okay? I do think Yorke, Greenwood and drummer Tom Skinner have found something special with this new collaboration. The sophomore record is more assured than their debut and has Yorke's best songwriting in years. This stuff is hypnotic!

8. All Now by The Staves

I was so worried that after the eldest Stavely-Taylor sister left the band, that the sound produced by the two remaining sisters would suffer some. Sometimes it's nice to be emphatically proven wrong. All Now is a sonic extention of The Staves' last record, Good Woman, but this one trades wistful melancholy for relentless optimism, and my goodness does it work for them.

7. Fearless Movement by Kamasi Washington

There are very few things more satisfying than when an artist you've felt let down by in the past makes an unequivocal return to form. Kamasi Washington has always been compelling, but I've found him liable to get caught up in his own legend at times at the expense of his music. This new record feels a lot more grounded and a lot more substantial. It's also just a ton of fun!

6. Väsen & Hawktail by Väsen and Hawktail

Two of the most exciting acoustic ensembles in the world, who have been dancing around one another for years now, have finally come together for a full-length record, and it's marvellous! Both bands have lost a member to other projects recently, so given their natural proclivity for each other's music, it made sense for them to collaborate in order to fill those gaps. The sound of these combined groups is nothing short of miraculous. If you like instrumental folk music at all, then this is essential listening.

5. Service Merchandise by Previous Industries

Often, nostalgia can be a blight on culture, but when employed effectively, it can be a tool for exposing deep truths. My personal favourite rapper, Open Mike Eagle, along with Video Dave and Still Rift, have done just that on their debut album as a trio. Service Merchandise doesn't bemoan the loss of the past, but rather highlights the out-of-placeness of those who cling to it. The themes are sombre but the bars carry Eagle and co.'s signature whimsy.

4. GNX by Kendrick Lamar

In contrast, the latest release from LA rapper Kendrick Lamar is maybe the least whimsical major release of the year. It's direct, confrontational, and introspective to the point where it comes uncomfortably close to self-indulgence. What is lyrically quite a challenging record is made spectacularly listenable thanks to its absolutely stacked lineup of bangers which are sequenced to perfection. Undoubtedly Kendrick's best since To Pimp a Butterfly.

3. Fly by Michael Mayo

To my mind, the most deeply underdiscussed and most exciting young voice in jazz right now is Michael Mayo. I'm deeply obsessed with his debut album, Bones, which is a big, dense production. His latest, Fly, is far more intimate by comparison, but no less ambitious. Backed up by virtuosos Shai Maestro (keys), Linda May Han Oh (bass) and Nate Smith (drums), this suite of songs by the vocalist and composer is the most involving jazz record I've heard all year.

2. Only God Was Above Us by Vampire Weekend

I wanted to put this list out today, because come Monday I will have seen Vampire Weekend tour this album live, and the experience will likely skew my opinion of it.

I cannot think of another mainstream popular music outfit that addresses the modern Jewish experience at all, leta lone this well. Vampire Weekend are truly singular in that way. Every new release of theirs speaks to diaspora Jewishness in new, specific and relevant ways. What makes this particualr record so special though is how aesthetically adventurous it is while being so cogent in the delivery of its themes. This is up there with the band's very best records in a discography without a single dud. P.S. 'Classical' is an all-time great indie rock song.

1. The Golem and Other Tales by Sam Reider and the Human Hands

Accordionist and pianist Sam Reider's newest project is a manifestation of something I've been personally wishing for for close to a decade now: jazz and progressive instrumental music as a vehicle for explicitly Jewish cultural expression.

When I was in New York working towards the PhD I would ultimately flame out of, I spoke with Sam Reider and his bandmate, saxophonist Eddie Barbash, about the connection between their music and their relationship with Jewishness (not to be confused with Judaism). It was a lovely and eye-opening conversation that I'd like to think was as helpful to them as it was to me.

I'm not arrogant enough to suggest that this album is a result of that conversation, but it's so unbelievably exciting to see Sam, Eddie and the rest of the Human Hands construct a suite of pieces which so perfectly capture what I was searching for during that period of my life.

Reider's compositions are a particularly magical amalgamation of jazz, bluegrass, klezmer and other folk traditions from around the world. Those combined sound worlds feel like natural bedfellows in Reider and co.'s capable hands, and on this record. The result is an instrumental retelling of the 16th century Jewish folk tale, The Golem of Chelm. I can't tell you just how special this album is to me, but I can tell you that it sounds amazing, and that this group of musicians, led by Reider feel like they were cosmically destined to make this music together.

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mostofthingsmostofthetime · 9 months ago

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I just finished the first episode of Heartstopper, so here are some of my thoughts in no particular order.

The opening song is cool (will probably look up the shows soundtrack like I did with XO, Kitty).

Why did the camera focus so much on Charlie's bag & Elle's drink? Is it product placement?

Wow, no hate to the actor, but Charlie's eyebrows are THICK!!!!

Tori is beautiful but also kind of looks like a ghost (I think she’d be great for the role of Violet Baudelaire from A Series Of Unfortunate Events) & why was she so pushy about the "dream guy" thing? Like let the poor boy breathe.

Is Nick's actor that much taller than Charlie's? I hadn't noticed.

I’m sorry, but knees are so weird to me lol. Also obligatory, 🎵 she's a runner she's a track star🎵.

Wait, is that PE teacher that will later interrupt the team theorising about Nick & Charlie's relationship? It's crazy how they’ve found actors who look so much like the characters in the graphic novels (other casting directors should take notes).

Ok fair enough about wanting your team to be good & wondering if the quiet, skinny, nerdy, boy is even into sports but the shit about him being gay is so stupid (bet it was Harry that said that).

Glad Charlie didn't get injured learning rugby, lol.

Nick's shorts seem a lot smaller than Charlie's ones do, but maybe that's the costume designer's way of helping Charlie’s actor look more skinny?

Omg Stephen Fry, what are you doing here lol?

Wow, people weren't kidding. Olivia Colman really did show up just to say one line. What a legend, lol.

Ben, did you really make Charlie walk all that way for such a lame ass kiss? Also, let him talk about his Christmas, you jerk!

I don't think that Form tutor is very good at his job (while Nick thankfully turned out to be nice) it’s usually not a great idea to put the skinny, gay, nerd that has already been bullied with the bigger, popular, seemingly straight, athlete, especially at an all boys school!

Ben, you dick. Like I get wanting to keep your relationship secret, but you did not need to pull the 'who the hell are you!' card. All you had to do was say hi in a confused/uninterested tone (then apologise later). If anything, your reaction came off more weird than what Charlie did.

I'm sorry, but I don't get the leaf animation. I mean, I GET it, just why leaves? Why not flowers or hearts or something? It just doesn’t seem that impactful to me, but maybe they have a deeper meaning that I'm just not grasping yet? If so, please let me know.

Ok, so I'm torn over the gay teacher. Like artistic? That's cool. Those glasses? Cute. Him giving Charlie a safe space to eat lunch? Great. Him being worried over Charlie potentially being bullied again? Awesome (take notes, Form guy), but his advice to Charlie seemed slightly lacking. Obviously, honesty & communication are important in relationships, but I'm a little surprised that possible safety concerns weren't addressed at all, especially from a fellow gay guy. Like I get that he doesn’t know the kind of guy Charlie's "dating" & that just because someone doesn't want to come out yet doesn’t mean they should be labelled as dangerous but internalised homophobia can make some people lash out & after everything Charlie's been through his clearly more likely to be vulnerable to situations like that.

Nick is a golden retriever in human form, they're 100% correct 😊.

Isaac? What happened to Aled? I hope he still shows up. He may be quiet, but he was so cute during Charlie's 15th birthday in the graphic novel.

Interesting to get to see Elle's time at Higg's (fuck that transphobic teacher & whoever was throwing sandwiches at her). Sad she doesn’t have any friends but I'm sure that'll change when she meets Tara & Darcy. Wow, is it strict over there, though, like you can't even be on your phone at lunchtime? Damn! Surprised they did it this way, though, as I was assuming they'd just make Truham co-ed so all the characters could be in the same place.

Tao, my guy, the drink thing is sweet but that hair is.....certainly.....a choice 😅.

The shots of Charlie looking at food, without eating, make me ☹️.

I gotta be honest, the montage of Nick & Charlie saying hi to each other was a little cringy to me compared to how it came across in the graphic novel, but they're meant to be teens, so I'll let it slide. It's also an effective way to highlight how differently Charlie's "boyfriend" treats him compared to an acquaintance.

Ben's hand covering up Nick's smiley face got me like ☹️/😠. They're not even together yet & I already felt like telling him to get off Charlie, like that boy is not for you! It’s ridiculous, lol.

Ben what you did was fucked up but it's hard to be scared of someone who looks so much like a meerkat in a wig (no hate to the actor) also did it seem like he just....skidded away when Nick pulled him off Charlie? Like, was the actor wearing Heelys lol? Or had someone just mopped the floor without telling anyone? Also, it's lame to wear a coat when you're cold? What in the toxic masculinity are you fucking on about Ben?

Omg the bathroom scene was so adorable, but I wanna know what kind of pen Nick was using because being covered in that amount of ink is crazy 😆.

Overall, it's very cute. I like Nick & Charlie. It’ll probably take a bit longer for me to really care about the other characters. Ben can catch these hands! And I’m looking forward to watching the Narlie relationship develop.

So while not overly ground breaking (though obviously important for LGBTQ+ rep) it's definitely enjoyable in a comforting sort of way which (considering medias fascination with marginalised suffering) is obviously important for queer youth but also must be quite healing for queer elders. Because you deserve wholesome, cheesy, romance just as much as anyone else.

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