#the song I described was famous last words btw

[hum--hallelujah]

1, 9, 10, 17, 23

1. who is the first artist you remember loving?

Great Big Sea

9. which artist has been the most life changing for you?

...feels weird to say this, but Fall Out Boy. both in the way I think about things and VERY much in the way I write

10. you have to get a lyric tattoo — which lyric is it?

maybe "love won't stop this bomb" (from S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W by MCR) or "hopelessly hopeful" (from I've Got A Dark Alley And A Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth (Summer Song) by FOB)

17. describe your favorite song without telling me the title

already answered but I'll pick a different one to describe: when the lights shut off who do you see that you couldn't in the brightness, and what are you willing to give up for that chance?

23. how did you discover your favorite artist?

Big Hero 6 end credits

[damonjuicyscock]

May I request a fluffy Liam fic where he calls reader sweetheart? sorry if that's too vague

xoxo 🐛

You asked for it, Here it is !

Shake Along with me (90's Liam Gallagher X Reader)

Warnings: Language, fluff, drugs and alcohol use, maybe a few spelling mistakes.

Words: 1633

Summary: It’s 1995 and your childhood friend Liam comes back to Manchester for the first time in a year. Last time you saw him, you both nearly kissed when you told him goodbye. Unsaid feelings will be revealed now he’s back.

A/N: Hello everyone, I’m back with this requested fluff by my dear anonymous. (I hope you’ll like it lovie, and XOXO to you too !). As you can see I’ve been inspired by the song Shakermaker that I love a lot (it's not my favourite one but Reader's one here). To my dear @noely-babe, I didn’t forget about you, your oneshot is coming quickly, I’m trying to be quick by writing it, but writing quickly makes bad results, that’s why I take time to write everything, so it’ll be perfect for all of you to read it and it's perfectly clear btw, you'll have what you want ;)

Anyway, enjoy!

November 26th, 1995, it had been a whole year you didn’t see your childhood friend Liam. At the moment you knew Oasis were coming back to Manchester for a gig, you bought tickets for your friend Justine and you.

Liam and you grew up together in Burnage. Your father was a Londoner and your mother a native Mancunian, they both met at a Rolling Stones’s gig in London in 1971. And a year after, you were born. Liam was the “don’t mess with me kid” and so were you. You were a girl you couldn’t mess with. The first who dared would have your fist in his face in a second. That’s how you both met to be true and when you discovered you were practically neighbours, your friendship started here. His mother Peggy was describing him as a devil and when you were two, she was waiting for the Apocalypse to happen. You both ended up at the police station when you were 15 for fighting with hooligans. You both were punished but found a way to hang out at night, going to your secret spot to smoke weed and talk while looking at the stars.

You always knew Liam would change the world in his way. When he integrated The Rain that was later rebaptised Oasis, you immediately understood how. At the beginning of Oasis, you travelled with the band, then when they became famous, you found yourself a job.

Before leaving the previous year, you spent a night together like good old times, outside, in your secret spot, smoking weed and talking about life. You almost kissed on the lips and someone walking his dog came around you.

Since then, you couldn’t stop thinking about this almost kiss. You realized when he left that you were in fact in love with him for such a long time. And this night, if you got to be backstage or met him at the pub, you would tell him.

You were one of the firsts to run into the Nynex arena to get to be in front of the stage. Which you did, with some difficulty. Thanks to adrenaline and some leg-breaking, you got to be in front.

You couldn’t wait to see him again, to see him sing, you really missed him. You just hoped he wouldn’t be with some bird.

The gig started and only his hair were longer. But he was still himself, with the same behaviour and attitude.

He noticed you during Shakermaker, your favourite Oasis song, dancing along while secretly smoking a joint you hid in your bra. That’s why at the end of the song, he really insisted on the “shake along with me”. You knew what it meant. Something like “wait for me to have fun, because we will”. He wasn’t the one who wrote the song, but Liam loved life, he really did. Even if he had been an angry kid, teen and young man, he always was like “fuck off, let’s live”.

Once the gig was over, you tried to get backstage, but the security didn’t let you. You asked for a piece of paper and a pen and wrote a word, giving the address of your favourite pub in Manchester. You then gave the paper to the security man out front, telling him it was really urgent, and kindly asked him to give the piece of paper to Liam.

You left with your friend who didn’t come with you at the pub, and luckily, Liam himself asked the security if you tried to get backstage. He got your note and an hour after, while you were already waiting for him at the pub, you saw him entering. You called “Liam” a few times, but he didn’t hear you. So you tried something else.

William you dickhead!

This time he heard you, and he came towards you, a smile on his lips.

Fuck Y/N, it really was you. He said, hugging you with all his strength.

Who else could it be?

Yeah, you’re the only one to call me William to piss me off.

Never changed right?

You twat. He said laughing

You separated after your embrace.

Where are the others?

Probably still running and cursing me for running meself. When I got your word, I ran here. They tried to follow but I ran too fast.

What a shame. D’ya want a pint? Or maybe shots?

Let’s go for a pint, I had too many shots on tour, and I miss having a real pint, me.

You both ordered a pint for each other, and the others joined you.

*

After drinking three or four pints, Liam told you to follow him to the bathroom, which you did.

He took out a little package out of his jean pocket, containing some white powder inside.

Want some?

Why not? After all, it’s been a long time.

Liam prepared three lines. One for you, two for him.

Isn’t it dangerous? You asked

What? Snorting cocaine?

Not that you moron, snorting two lines in a row.

Dunno, but if I die tonight, at least I would have lived, and it’s been nice to know you Y/N.

I never thought I’d say that, but you scare me Li’

That’s a first! C’mon Y/N. Shake along with me. He said smiling at you

Yeah. Well. Whatever. Let’s snort this.

Liam gave you a rolled-up £10 note. You approached it from your nose and bent down to snort the white powder.

You immediately felt it run through your body, giving you some kind of energy. You handed the rolled-up note to Liam, who snorted his two lines.

This energy you felt also gave you courage.

Li’, mind walking a bit outside?

Not at all, let’s go.

*

Eventually, this walk turned into a long ballad. You crossed town, going to your secret spot, where no one could find you, or with a lot of difficulty. You talked about Oasis’s tour and how much Liam was happy to come back in town.

I missed ya, me.

I missed you too, a lot actually.

Oh yeah?

You nodded.

You look perturbed Y/N.

What?  No, why would I be, me?

Dunno, you’ll tell me.

In fact… yes, there’s something. You said, sitting on a bench and lighting your joint

Oh yeah? You know you can tell me everything. He said, sitting beside you

Yeah, but that hard to say.

Go on sweetheart. He insisted

It was the first time he ever called you sweetheart.

Sweetheart?

Oh sorry.

No, I don’t mind. Actually, I like it when it’s coming from you. I know I’m not like some kind of bird.

No, you’re not indeed, you’re not a common bird. So, are you gonna talk or am I forced to fucking torture ya?

I’m just curious to know if you’ve found yourself a bird, that’s all.

Liam smiled

Well there’s one.

Ouch. It’s like you were just stabbed in the heart. Happily, you were a champion at hiding your feelings. Or at least you thought.

To try not to show the tears that were welling up in your eyes and to keep him from hearing your voice tremble, you took a puff of the joint before passing it to him.

And so, you’re not telling me anything about her?

Well she’s really kind and we got along very easily. When I’m with her, it’s like we’re only one in the room because we’re the same. And I really like her a lot.

It hurt even more to hear him talk about it.

Then I’m happy if you’re happy. When will I meet her?

Actually… you do know her already.

Really? She’s from town?

Yea.

Is it Bonnie?

No, that’s not Bonnie. But I also tried to kiss her, and she didn’t slap me. I just didn’t have the chance to because a fucking dickhead was walking his dog at this fucking moment, so we just waved goodbye.

Wait a minute. He was talking about you! Your nearly broken heart felt better immediately. The tears in your eyes disappeared, and a smile invaded your lips.

And did you try kissing her again?

Not yet. But I intend to.

But before he could do anything, you grabbed him by the collar and smashed your lips on his. His tongue asked for entrance, and you let him. Your tongues danced together until you were both out of breath and your lips separated.

You fucking scouse, you almost break me heart! You said laughing

I wouldn’t dare to! And I don’t want to.

I would never have thought you felt the same. This almost kiss haunted me for a whole year.

It haunted me too. But I realized that for a long time I should have been dating you since we were 13. I mean it when I say we’re the same.

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together, huh?

Exactfuckingly.

You kissed again.

And I mean it when I say I love it when you call me sweetheart. You must have called so many birds with this name though.

Yea, but they meant nothing to me. Ya know it’s just sex drugs and rock N’Roll. Except the sex part won’t happen anymore with other birds.

Let’s save this for another time.

You’re right sweetheart. We’ll take our time. If you’re still ready to shake along with me.

For sure.

[zabreti]

the time has finally come for me to start expressing what i have been overwhelmingly feeling for the past week, since i started to properly listen to this sunshine of a woman named joanna newsom. i want to- actually, i need to vent a little about the album ys, since it’s the one i first listened to. plus my initial contact with joanna’s work and thoughts that came with it

even though i only found out about her a few months ago, i guess everyone knows her(?); if you don’t, you should. there’s not one single moment in which i’m not mad at myself for not finding her sooner. so fyi, she’s a harpist, pianist, singer and songwriter from nevada. according to some sources, she may be the most famous harpist alive today; i really don’t know about you, but it really sounds quite badass for me.

i started searching for her stuff after watching her husband’s - andy samberg - multiple interviews, where he would be sometimes asked about their marriage. i’ve been binge watching random interviews with people i like for the last weeks, and i found myself actually watching some interviews of hers before i even got to listen to her music.

btw, look at this fucking adorable couple. just look at them for a second.

first of all, what a lovely woman! each answer, each laughter, each little thing she did on camera caused an admiration for the idea of andy and her together to grow strongly; i wasn’t even sure if it was ok for me to feel so strongly about someone else’s relationship. my curiosity grew when i started to read the comments on these videos on youtube, pretty much 100% of them being about her intelligence, her talent and how her music sounds angelical, mystical and perfectly constructed. (let it be said that it only grew more and more as i watched every single interviewer asking both andy and joanna about how different their works are, and how different they appear to be as individuals; not only was suggested that andy would probably not rise up to such an intelligent, serious taste as to fall in love with her (he doesn’t even need to say a word for anyone to realize how passionately in love he is with joanna and her entire work), but also said that no one could believe she was actually able to be a goofy, easy-going, good-humored person because of the lyrics she writes. ok, i could spend hours listing the unnecessary questions i identified in these interviews, and how i get easily annoyed by these famous hosts assuming stuff or trying to create an uncomfortable environment; and don’t even get me started on the fact that most of the interviews she was invited to would revolve around her relationship with andy. i’m choosing to let this feeling pass for now, since it’s not my focus today.)

i couldn’t help but start by saying all this since i truly adore andy’s works, and nothing feels warmer than realizing two amazing people are in love and have a family together by choice.

i mean..... ??????? c’mon. greatest couple alive. try and fight me on this.

another interesting thing i found out was that she dislikes streaming platforms similar to spotify, which probably (?) justifies the fact that i never came across her songs, since i use spotify on a daily basis and have been using it to find new artists for the last years. call me ignorant, it’s fine, truly; but i haven’t heard of similar opinions coming from artists, and it made me even more curious to know what this woman was expressing, creating, thinking. she actually told larry king: 

“spotify is a business model. it’s not good. it’s based on the idea of circumventing the payment of artists. (...) i’m not opposed to streaming. i understand that the world is shifting and that the way music is valued and monetized is shifting, and i’m ok with that. and i’m even ok with people not paying for music (...), i just wish that there was a better way to do it that didn’t only pay a company. (...) i haven’t heard of one [alternative to spotify] that seems built the way that i would prefer it to be built.”

one of spotify owners (owners or directors, idek and idec) even replied to her many critics, but she never changed her mind or retreated from defending even her honest, harsh comments about how spotify is “like a villainous cabal of major labels”. for me, that’s a badass woman. not only for expressing herself without giving a damn about anyone who might be offended in this process, but also for choosing the path that felt ethical and worthy, and being recognized all over the world for her talent while following her own ways. i know, right? simply awesome.

there i was, reading the endless comments on her interviews’ videos and wondering what the fuss was all about. there was nothing left for me to do other than to actually start listening to her songs. i could have done it by looking up her discography and starting from her first project, but somehow i stomped into the ys album, which was released in 2006, in youtube itself.

first of all, would you look at this freaking cover?

i found it absolutely gorgeous in each detail; in fact, i really wish to know if there are meanings in the little specific parts of the painting. maybe there aren’t any and i’m just trying to create a more complex joanna in my mind? sure, sounds like me. or maybe there are lots of ‘em and she already said it on camera and i simply missed this video? sure, sounds possible. i won’t lie, i spent so much time thinking about this cover... maybe way too much time. alright, on we go.

there are 5 tracks on the album: emily, monkey & bear, sawdust and diamonds, only skin and cosmia.

at first, i didn’t quite understand what i was listening to. and i’m not talking about the lyrics, i’m talking about the whole idea of the album, the artist, the genre. the conjunction formed by her high pitches and soft, delicious vocal variations, surrounded lovingly by the harp and the violins was very mysterious to me. at first, i wouldn’t be encouraged to keep listening to her. but something kept me there, seated, staring at the screen and paying attention to each second of it. it was an experience. a real transportation. i searched for the lyrics on genius, and anyone that would pass by my bedroom’s open door would see me completely enamored by what i was listening to, like a concentrated kid being told an epic, adventurous, huge, beautiful and complex story. that is exactly how i felt: in the middle of a field, picturing each image she described in the song; each figure, each feeling. she described it all in a way that made me wonder how can someone describe a dream so vividly, how can someone describe anything so perfectly, so fully, and not sound redundant, not sound at all boring. the way the melody and the lyrics fit together, as a gift perfectly wrapped and tightly involved in the most beautiful way. i repeat: it was an experience. it is an experience. this is not something you can listen to at any given time, at any given place; i would not dare to not pay attention each time i would plan to listen to it. this is how seriously submerged i felt by joanna in that moment; in that entire day.

all of this, all of this immersion, all of this dream-like state in which i found myself in, kept growing its roots in me throughout the entire album, in a way i needed to show someone - anyone - joanna before i even got to finish the five songs; and the first one that came near me happened to be my mother. while listening, she actually found it quite pleasing, “like some old movie’s soundtrack” when listening to emily, “like an 1960′s melody” when listening to sawdust and sand, and on she went about the entire album. and this got me thinking about how i would describe her genre; of course, after following her on bandcamp i found out i was actually listening to some folk/pop/avant-garde/baroque pop/chamber folk/indie stuff. sounds about right, but at the same time not right at all, for some reason. i believe it’s fair to say that joanna has a magical, rare quality to her music that makes it different to each one listening to it. i’ve said it too much and i’ll say it again: it’s an experience, a complete, true one. it ressonates with deep, personal places. and, strangely, it makes many people describe the feeling that urges to grow inside their hearts as “home”; and i share this exact same sensation.

i really don’t know if it makes any sense, but see: i cherish my alone time probably more than anything in the world. i have learned to be my own best friend in many ways, and being by myself in some quiet days, at my house, reading, listening, watching and creating is when i can truly be myself. with that said, listening to this album, i felt at home. it made me feel even more alone, and i mean it in the most loving, warm, hypnotizing way. 

the ys album is a relatively quick production to be heard, even though it feels like you’ve been gone for hours, days, weeks on end while listening to it. the amount of literary, historic and philosofical references in the lyrics is magically overwhelming; i simply wasn’t able to snap out of it for a long time, and i have, to this day, re-listened to the album about 5 times. still reading the lyrics again and again, still grasping at some expressions faintly but amazed, still finding out about hidden and not so hidden meanings behind each track. still defining it, every single day.

i hope for the great discoveries i feel like pursuing from her work, and the diverse new singers, song-writers, harpists, pianists, violinists, chellists and musicists in general i’ll try to find, understand and support from now on. i’m thankful for finding out how much i love the mix between an orchestra-like atmosphere and a sweet, honest voice ringing in my ears; and how the words assembled together feels like a psychography.

i thank the universe every single day for the opportunity to discover people like joanna newsom.

[adozentothedawn]

Saint Waidwen The Musical The Justification

This is an explanation for something I wrote in this fanfiction. Go read it maybe if you haven’t? :) But if you don’t have the time or interest, the relevant thing for this is that I mention a controversial musical adaption of the story of Saint Waidwen in Readceras.

Yeah, so first of all, I just really wanted this to be a thing because musicals about weird things are just my jam. I can however justify why this could totally be a thing! I’m aware that I don’t have to, but I just really want to write this, so I will. Now sit down and listen.

(Also you might know a lot of these things already, but I don’t know what they teach in your countries so I’ll just explain the basics.)

Let’s start off with why anyone would ever do this anyway. 

First of all, people make musicals about weird shit all the time in reality, so why not in Eora. Like look at Les Mis. Does that scream “musical” to you? And, yet it’s pretty cool! 

Second of all, Art moves in cycles. To explain this, I’ll use german literature, because that’s what I learnt in school and therefore know a few things about. Let’s begin at the era of the “Aufklärung” (enlightenment I guess? It’s an era of literature from about 1720 to 1790. Note also that eras can’t be distinctly seperated, they do go on simultaniously for a while). This was the time of logic and reason first and foremost. Art had to be practical, without actually having to serve a purpose. So after a while of this going on, there were a bunch of young people who decided, fuck that. We want emotion to be important again! Among those people were for example Ghoete and Schiller, two names you might know, because they’re kind of famous. So there were these young men (and they were almost exclusively men unfortunately) who started writing plays and poems which are based on extreme emotion and the idea of the natural genius (genius is a relative term here, the characters were still kinda dumb, but they were very poetic about it), instead of sticking nicely to the idea of reason. This era is called “Sturm und Drang” (roughly: storm and urge, these are really hard to translate. Also they’re names, so they’re not really supposed to be translated anyway). Now these young people weren’t young forever though, so they grew up at some point (or died, but you get the point). Both Goethe and Schiller decided at some point that that stuff they wrote was kinda cringy and started writing other things, more focused on harmony, beauty and (as in the Aufklärung) tolerance, as opposed to the more forceful and often tragic Sturm und Drang. This was then called the “Weimarer Klassik” (Weimar being the cultural centre of germany at the time and Klassik as in classic). And then after a while, a new generation of young people decided that that was dumb and started someting called the “Romantik” (romance, not necessarily as in love, but more as in romantifying things). In this time, people wrote about magic, myths and fairy tales, the less realism the better. So you see what’s happening here. One generation says: This is great! The next one says: Fuck that, I’ll make it as different as I can. That generation grows up and decides: eh, maybe let’s tune it down a bit. Then the next generation comes and says: Fuck no! again. Of course there are always some that stick to their style, but that’s the general idea.

Now, how does that apply to my musical idea? For that let’s look at Readceras for minute. Readceras was founded by a bunch of farmers, though there was a tiny elite, as we know because Waidwen managed to win some of them over, most people were pretty poor. Poor people usually don’t have the time or recourses for literature or painting, with music, especially singing, being the most accessable form of art. That’s not to say that farmers don’t make art, weaving and the painting of furniture was a thing for example, but the poorer the people, the less they have to use, even when it’s winter and they’d have time, and Readceras was just pisspoor. Singing doesn’t really need anything, and instruments are reusable if they somehow managed to get one. So chances are, Waidwen and his generation grew up with music as their main form of art. Then the Godhammer happened, which sucked big time for them, and they probably wanted to distance themselves as much as possible from the time before Waidwen and idealize him, which in all likelihood lead to art changing a lot as well. 

Because here’s the thing, art doesn’t just move in cycles, it is also heavily influenced be societal and political happenings (but you probably knew that). For example: the literature era that followed (roughly, it began a bit before the other one ended) the Romatik was the “Biedermaier” (which is a surname and not translatable, you might now it from a furniture style though, that’s pretty big in Austria, not sure how it is where you live), which is a style that was heavily aimed inwards. It was mostly, look how happy my little family is, everything is great, nothing is happening, nothing at all, and could be mostly described as idyllic and quiant. That was, because it was a time of political regression, with the empire getting more authoritarian again and literature being heavily censored. So when Waidwen took the throne art probably already started changing, though he likely didn’t notice much of that as he was kind of busy being king and GOD, and with another traumatic event it would’ve changed even more. So it’s completely feasible that 20 years later the youth would decide to fuck all of that over and go back to find their roots, while changing what they find to fit their style. Admittedly the existance of elves mucks up the timeline a bit, but since the largest group of people there are human anyway, I’ll ignore that. Also, in context with the fanifc I’m writing this for, the timeline is helped by the fact that my Watcher is an Eothas priestess. Might sound weird, but hear me out. Favaen came to the Dyrwood as a missionary, and though she got sidetracked a bit, that was still her end goal. So after everything was over and she was well established as Taynu of Caed Nua, she made it into a sanctuary for Eothasians started to spread the faith there again. Of course she didn’t achieve too much in 5 years, but she set a trend. With Adaryc spreading word about her in Readceras, that would’ve had an effect there too, at least insofar that the Dyrwood wasn’t completely off limits anymore and leading especially young people who hadn’t lived through the war to be more curious about it.

Now, why would the older people not like that? Well for one, it’s different, and different is bad in Readceras. Also, it reminds them of a time both worse and better. Worse, as in the Aedyran colonial times (because I refuse to belive that Waidwen didn’t change the economy at least a little for the better), and better when their god literally walked among them, which he doesn’t anymore, so it rubs salt into that wound.

Then how can they get away with putting it on at all? That I can answer with absolute certainty, because it is entirely rooted in canon. The Ladies of the Aviary. Worshippers of Hylea which work explicitly to help artists portray their art and avoid censoring. They convince higher up people, or if they cannot be convinced, help the artists avoid detection. They don’t discriminate between good and bad art, and only seek to spread it unchanged and as the artist intended.

And while we’re on worshippers of Hylea, the church of Hylea is known to comission plays and poems about Eothas and Waidwen, specifically as a way to mourn their dissapearance, which certainly had a hand in the musicals creation.

For the last point: why does Waidwen like it? Now, aside from a personal preference I just made up, we established that Waidwen grew up with music. While the rest of his generation may have distanced themselves from that sort of art, Waidwen never had the chance to grow up so to speak. His death was one of the factors in the changing of art and so he never got to experience that. Yes I had to end this post on a sad note.

Thank you for listening to my TED talk that I basically just did because I wanted to rant about literature for a bit.

Here the Soundtrack It’s on Youtube cause I don’t have Spotify. The last song was added after the events of Deadfire btw

[ctrldamian]

itzan escamilla. cis male. he/him.  ／ damian nero just pulled up slither by velver revolver — that song is so them ! you know, for a(n) twenty-three year old bassist i’ve heard they’re really -impulsive, but that they make up for it by being so +compassionate. if i had to choose three things to describe them, i’d probably say smoke of cigarettes, bourbon, twilights. here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble !

“can I interview you for my space cast ?”

𝐅𝐔𝐋𝐋 𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄: Christian Damian Nero 𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐇: June 30th 1996 𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐇 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄: Santorini, Greece

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒: Pietro Nero (book author / alive ), Elena Suarez ( vet / deceased) 𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: Rosie(35), Basil(32), Jennifer(20) — (all alive) 𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒: N/A 𝐙𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐂 𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍: Cancer 𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒: cigarettes, bourbon, twilights, horror movies, old cars 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐏𝐎: Clancy Gilroy (the midnight gospel), Damon Salvatore (the vampire diaries) 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐑: Bassist (mark hoppus career )

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃:

Damian was born in a wealthy family but he never got excited about money you know?; his father is a very recognized horror book author and he was born when his father was already someone with a title. His childhood was a bit full of shit, his father was famous but was also a drug addict and with that came a lot of violence for him and his siblings and mother.

I think the only way of Damian coping with that was music, and he fell in love with bass. He still thinks it’s a instrument no one gives the proper importance because they all are focused on how a guitar sounds. He didn’t even asked his father for money, he got a job and saved money until he had enough to buy a bass and taught himself with books and videos (he’s very smart btw).

Damian was and always will be mommy’s boy. Her mother met her husband on Spain (she was from Madrid), and then they moved to Greece from where Pietro was from, got married and all their kids were born and raised in Santorini. When he was a teenager he encouraged his mother to get a divorce and at first she was very afraid of it but eventually they all ran away from the nightmare they were living and moved to Spain.

Five years after to that his mother fell ill and Damian had two jobs to pay for the medicine and the treatment she was receiving but they had this deep talk where she accepted there was nothing they could do to stop the reality of her death and this shook Damian. He tried to convince her not to give up but she had the final word and finally died four months after they had that talk; he’s still grieving (his mother passed away last year) and he has been avoiding his siblings because he doesn’t want to face the fact that his mother is no longer alive and that burns inside, he thinks he could’ve made more to convince her to fight and stay even though she was already tired.

He moved to LA to start a new life. Without any money he started playing outside a walmart until Nick and another guy found him and they formed a band. They basically lived in a van until they had the money to get a very shitty apartment and lived there until the band started to get more recognition and fame.

Damian is a very rich boy but he never talks about his past or his family because that sends him right into having panic attacks and it’s bad, mostly because he’s not over his mother death even though he’s trying. So he puts on a mask and often lies about his origins but he always gets the usual ‘you kinda look like Pietro Nero...do you know him by chance?’ and he goes ‘nope, no idea what you’re talking about’ :))) oh baby.

ANYWAY SO YEAH I BASICALLY CHANGED ALL OF DAMIAN BACKGROUND STORY SO IF WE HAD CONNECTIONS AND YOU STILL WANT TO KEEP THEM LMK. IF NOT THEN WE’LL REPLOT OK? OK. AND IF WE HADN’T PLOT LET’S PLOT !!

[mymoonisalways-in-scorpio]

🍄  Dig A Little Deeper 🍄

,I was tagged by  my sweet  little sister

@flowrxchild  , thank you so  much darling  🌻🔅🌺💞❣🦋🌸💐

🌙➖ Do you prefer writing with black or blue pen?

 All my student days I have written with a black pen, I rarely write with a blue pen.

🌙➖ Would you prefer to live in the country or the city?

It is strange what I am going to say, sometimes I would like to live in the country surrounded by animals, taking care of them, feeding them in a few words, having a small farm. But there are other times that make me want to live in the city, surrounded by people. surrounded by noise.  Depending on my mood, sometimes when I get upset I would like to go and live in the country, but when I'm in a good mood I want to stay in the city.

🌙➖ If you could learn a new skill, what would it be?

I would like to learn how to read Braille texts, I would also like to learn a new instrument like the tuba or the horn.  

🌙➖ Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar?

I don't usually take coffee with sugar, but I've always taken tea with sugar, but I usually take both without sugar (now I'm doing it because I have diabetes

🌙➖ What was your favorite book as a child?

John John the dragon of the lake titi caca (Peruvian children's story), the name of the book sounds strange, but when I was in Argentina, in my primary school I was asked to buy that book, read it and make a summary of that story, which ended up falling in love

🌙➖ Do you prefer baths or showers?

I usually take a shower since we don't have a bathtub at home, but every time I go to my uncle's house and stay a few days in it, I love to take a good bath in the tub they have in the guest bathroom.

🌙➖ If you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be?

I have always wanted to be a unicorn, since I was a child I was in love with this horse with a horn on his forehead. I'd like to be a Pegasus instead, those winged horses are beautiful.

🌙➖ Paper or electronic books?  

Paper 100%

🌙➖ What is your favorite item of clothing?

A very 80's style Jean jacket, with patches from my favorite bands, was a gift from my ex-best friend, I'm in love with that jacket.

🌙➖ Do you like your name?

I really like my middle name, but I hate my first name. The reason I love my middle name more than my first name is because my name is Michelle, just like the Guns N Roses song called my Michelle.

🌙➖ Who is a mentor to you?

I have a priest as my mentor, who was my religion teacher when I was still in school.  We became very good friends and even though I am not Catholic, every time I have a problem or doubt about something I always turn to him, it helps me a lot to talk to him.

🌙➖ Would you like to be famous?

Maybe 

🌙➖ Are you a restless sleeper?

Not really, I'll be honest with you as soon as I touch my bed I fall asleep.

🌙➖Do you consider yourself to be a romantic person?

I have never considered myself a romantic person, even if others think I am.

🌙➖ Which element best represents you?

Fire 

🌙➖ Who do you want to be closer with?

My tumblr friends, at first I was afraid of this social network now I love it because I have found very nice people, with whom I never want to lose contact. Also with my neighbor, who is like a sister of another mother to me.

🌙➖ Do you miss someone at the moment?

I miss several people, including several friends from my school and university.

🌙➖ Tell us about an early childhood memory:

I will tell you about my first violin concert and why it was the most embarrassing of all. BTW, it all started when I had to get on stage, everything was ready and in the middle of the concert a string broke, of course I cried because of the pain, so my mom had to sneak on stage and get me off, to wipe my tears and calm down a bit.

🌙➖ What is the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?

Frogs' legs, I remember that on a trip to the Peruvian jungle (Madre de Dios exactly), the locals gave us frogs' legs to eat, which I found disgusting, but when I tried them they tasted like chicken. 

🌙➖ What are you most thankful for?

I am grateful for my family, for my few friends, they have already put up with how clumsy I am, how impulsive I am, how foolish I can be.

🌙➖ Have you ever met anyone famous?:

I had the opportunity to meet Greta Van Fleet last year, in Chile. I had traveled there to do social work and I didn't even know that the band would perform in those places, until a friend told me: ''Listen, the band that you like so much is going to perform in Chile''. I remember I didn't have much money back then and the tickets were expensive, but it was worth spending or collecting some money to go see them, I felt like I was in heaven when Josh Kiszka smiled at me and winked at me, it was the nicest thing ever

🌙➖ Do you keep a journal or diary?

Yes, but to write fan fiction that I will never publish.

🌙➖ Do you prefer to use pen or pencil?

Both

🌙➖ What’s your star sign?

Scorpion child 

🌙➖ Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy?

Both

🌙➖ What would you want your legacy to be?

I want to be remembered as a girl, with big dreams, who always was and is for people who need her.

🌙➖Do you like reading? What was the last book you read?

I like to read, I'll read any kind of book, but my favorites are scary. Now I'm reading one called "Del amor y otros demonios  " by Colombian writer Gabriel Garicia Marquez

🌙➖How do you show someone you love them?

I'm a very detailed person about that, I always like to give them something that they like, adding a little personal touch.

🌙➖ Do you like ice in your drinks?

Yes

🌙➖ What are you afraid of?

I'm scared of heights

🌙➖What is your favourite scent?

I have always liked the smell of lavender, just as I have always liked the smell of eucalyptus.

🌙➖ Do you address older people by their name or their surname?

It depends on who you're dealing with.

🌙➖ If money was not a factor, how would your life be?

Definitely in these times of pandemic, I would not be stressed out about buying food.

🌙➖Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean?

 I'll be honest with you, I don't know how to swim, but I still like lakes better than swimming pools.

🌙➖What would you do if you found 50$ on the ground?

First I ask if it belongs to someone and if it doesn't, I keep it.

🌙➖ Have you ever seen a shooting star?

Never

🌙➖ What is one thing you want to teach your children?

Let them first be empathetic to the people who live around them, who know what the meaning of true love is. May they know how to share what they have with others, may they be good people.

🌙➖ If you had to get a tattoo right now, what and where would it be?

I have more than three tattoos (all smaller), but if I had to get one now it would be a rose dedicated to Greta.

🌙➖ What can you hear now?

The spotify is in shuffle mode, so you can hear the music playing through the computer speakers.

🌙➖  Where do you feel the safest?

My home 

🌙➖ What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer?

My attention deficit, although according to these last days has been improving from a few

🌙➖ If you could travel back in time to any era what would it be?:

60's . 70's and 80's

🌙➖ What is your most used emoji?  

🍄🦋💕

🌙➖ Describe yourself using one word: easy-going

Dreamer

🌙➖ What do you regret the most?:

Leaving many opportunities, because of my asperger's syndrome

🌙➖ Last movie I saw?

Rock of  Ages 

🌙➖Last TV show you watched?

Criminal Minds 

🌙➖Invent a word and it’s meaning?

So far I haven't invented one and I don't have the imagination to invent one.

i taggin : 

@kakarla 

@moonchildwildheart

@juvinadelgreko

🦋💐❣💞🌺🌻🔅

[szopenhauer]

If money was no object, would you change your wardrobe? I would add to my wardrobe more than change

How do you/did you get to school? walk, then by bus

Have you ever been in trouble for something you honestly didn’t do? yep

Is the idea of having a secret admirer creepy or romantic? creepy

What was the last song you sung out loud? https://youtu.be/wycjnCCgUes

Were you excited to learn to drive, or scared? worried that I’ll waste my money

When was the last time you felt incredibly tired? today

In your opinion, who doesn’t deserve to be famous? many people

Was it hard for you to get up this morning? not really

When was the last time you colored with crayons or colored pencils? few months ago

Do you feel comfortable talking about your disorders, if you have them? depends

Where did you go on your last field trip? not sure which was last

Do you think you make a good first impression? no

Do other people’s first impressions stick with you? might

Have you ever had to give up on someone? sure

Would you rather break up with someone, or them break up with you? them break up with me (not my decision) but usually it’s the other way around

Do you think it’s okay to like a cover more than an original? umm...

Are you calm in emergency situations? depends

Who are you most attached to? my dad

What do you depend on other people for? money mostly :(

What goes through your mind when someone breaks up with you? depends

Do you match your shoes with your outfit? sometimes, it’s not that I have enough shoes to do that lol

Do you feel more comfortable with a male or female doctor/nurse? female 

What was the last thing you bragged about? not sure what was last

What’s the ugliest thing on your wall? umm...

Who’s your favorite philosopher? Schopenhauer because of all the memes

Do you think Freud was out of his mind? well I prefer Jung

Einstein? he was cool

Who’s your favorite painter/artist? I like many 

What day is it? Friday

Are you wearing anything blue?  nah

Do you know anyone named Graham? just bread :P

Are you sitting next to anyone? not currently

Do you dislike the last person you Facebook messaged? nope

Who’s the quietest of all your friends? K. always was 

Are you home alone right now? If so, where are the people you live with? my mom’s home, my dad is at work

Are you a chocoholic? noooo

Is there a song that reminds you of the person you love/like? Do you listen to that song often? one of them is t.a.t.u. - All the things she said

Do you listen to music while you fill out surveys? sometimes

In the past week, what song have you listened to the most often? not sure

While playing video games, do you prefer being first or second player? second 

How many people do you depend on? not many

How many people do you think depend on you? they could live without me

What is the worst color combination? brown and black?

Have you ever injured yourself walking around in the dark? yeah

What’s so scary about clowns, anyway? nothing to me and it’s annoying that they’re part of so many horrors

When was the last time you acted like someone you’re not? sigh...

How many hats do you own/wear? shitload

Do you ever receive comments on your weight? ppl are jealous of my weight so basically my illness :(

Is there anything that you do just to make other people happy? of course

What was the last thing that you wrote down [with a pen/pencil]? not sure what was last

Has anyone told you that you have a nice smile? my gf only

Are you uncomfortable with being photographed? yup

Do you like playing tic-tac-toe? I always win What about hangman? I played it couple of times Are you dangerously in love with someone? woah 

Are you cute or sexy? cute Is English your 1st language? it’s not Did you ever perform in front of your entire school? elementary - more than once Did your older sibling ever tell you freaky stories that you believed? one time she told me that school was flooded and there were fish and frogs and then I said that to my mom and she called me a liar and got mad even tho I explained to her it was my sister’s idea :(  Are you single and proud? you can be single and proud as well as be happy in a relationship too, I am in one now  Are you more happy when you’re with people or alone? 90% of time alone What do you think about guys shaving their legs? that’s their life Do you wear lipstick? nah Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced. I don’t wanna talk about it

What music album would be used for a movie about your life? soundtrack to my life would have to be a mix of songs from different bands/vocalists

Who was your first crush and what made them special? she was just adorable with her clumsiness and her perfect body and that face and voice and she was just a pretty cool friend to me and I wanted to take care of her so badly, she was the very first girl I ever had a crush on irl if not in general but she was hetero and she changed a lot (not in a good way in my opinion) Write about your first kiss. Was it everything you wished or hoped it would be? I... I never imagined my first kiss before it happened?...

Write about something you now know that you wish you knew earlier in life. How could this knowledge have helped you? blergh

Name one thing you feel brings out the good in people. there’s no such thing, it’s all about the person  If you invented a device that could fix one problem you are facing right now, would you use it? What problem would you like to solve? absolutely, my health issues Name something you found; what was it and where did you find it? I’ve found shitload of stuff but one thing was the most odd and that’s a taxidermy ferret shawl someone left on a bus stop - at first we thought with dad it must be alive but we came closer and realized someone lost their piece of cloth and we took it  Describe the longest amount of time you have ever been away from home. almost a month, I was in hospital Name a celebrity or famous person you wish would take you out on a date. - Have you ever seen a ghost? it seems, it was not just white but a little bluish, no legs and weird face - shaped like in a clay, mostly transparent, slightly glowing, it was in open doors of my room, I woke up with a weird feeling that someone’s watching me and I got really scared so I hidden under a blanket and didn’t look there again until morning, I was trying to convince myself it’s just a shirt that was hanged in the hall but mom said there wasn’t anything like that there at night, now I wish I could see that again hoping I would try to do something more brave about it, I kinda worry I was rude towards them whoever it was 

*btw my grandma said that after death some chemicals leave the body and fly like a fog through the cemetery if casket and grave aren’t blocking it too much Describe your note-taking style and habits. everywhere and usually not in line, can be even upside down, just random, different size, clue words etc. Do you believe that we are all here for a reason? What might the reason be? suffering to deserve heaven? Have you ever done something just to feel the danger, or to feel alive? I hurt myself today To see if I still feel I focus on the pain The only thing that's real What are all your thoughts on god? overthinking... What did you learn today?  for example - that explaining things to people make me realize more than just thinking about something What 5 traits do people first notice when they meet you for the first time? ask them Have you ever carved your name or initials into a tree or stone? poor tree :( In what ways have you traveled? car, bus, train, bike, even a little bit by ship What historical events happened the year you were born? nothing interesting

Do you watch really old tv shows or movies from the 1970’s or earlier? sure

What would you do if you saw a complete stranger dealing drugs in public? nothing If you don’t have to be up by a certain time, do you like to sleep in as late as possible? no longer than 11 am What are you wearing at the moment? Is it for any particular reason? pajama because it’s past midnight and I should be asleep but I have to finally finish this survey then dry my hair and drink some water first Are either one of your parents retired?  my mom is and my dad will be soon Do you buy a lot of DVD’s, or do you tend to just watch everything online for free? watch online, I have no money for buying movies that I’ll watch less than 3 times Does everyone in your household own their own computer? nope

Are you a good gift giver? I try my best and been told that I am despite not being rich 

Do you know what XOXO stands for? hugs and kisses

What’s the first person who comes to your mind when you hear the word blue? me

Have you seen any of the Harry Potter movies? first ones

Do you like your significate others siblings? I don’t know her brother

Have you ever recieved a singing birthday card? omg I loved those and I wish I got one :(

Do you remember who your kindergarten/pre-school teacher was? I liked her so much I’ve been sending her cards on holidays years after

Were you ever a girl scout or a boy scout? never

Do you own anything made of lace? hmm...

How many people do you share a name with? I don’t know anyone with my name

Imagine your dream home, does it have a fence around it? if it’s not an apartment then of course it does, highest possible and thick as I don’t want to see or be seen by my neighbors

Do you own any yellow shoes? yep

Can you type fast? very

In school were you bullied? I was

Are you sarcastic? yeah

Do you read the newspaper? nah

If you died today where do you think you’d go? hell :(

Have you ever been to therapy? few times, didn’t help

Do you use online dating? did

Did you miss alot of school? I was sick often

What was the last thing you got falsely accused of? not sure what was last

What was the last thing you ordered online? shirt, I’m waiting for the package now

Have you ever been kicked out of a store? no :o

Do you feel like you accomplished anything today? hmm...

What is/was your favorite teen magazine? trzynastka or however this shit was called

Would other people describe you as creative? I guess

What color are your slippers? grey and white

Are you haunted by memories of stupid things you’ve said and done? constantly

Did you like high school or college better? didn’t go to college

Who was your favorite Olsen twin? I didn’t have a favorite 

Do you ever listen to Celtic music? used to, with John

Do you know a lot of rich and spoiled and selfish people? had classmates like this and neighbors too

Do you enjoy mornings? rarely, not really

Have you ever feared going to jail or thought about what it would be like? thought

Did you know that the zodiac signs (the regular ones) are Greek? ok

Have you ever learned about Greek mythology in school? didn’t like it

Do you stay up late? as you can see

what do you hear right now? nothing

what is one thing in your life you feel truly guilty for? personal

have you ever been slapped in the face? I’ve been slapped without any reason, I was bullied

how about punched? hit with a ball only and my head was hit with a bottle too once

have you ever come up with a memorable quote yourself? I’ve been quoted 

what do you think about masturbation? personal

What color did you first ever dye your hair?: either red or black

What’s the color of the bath towel you use most often?: green

Ever eaten a piece of dog or cat food out of curiosity?: ewww, nooo

Can you name one song by Prince?: Purple rain for example

Would you rather paint or make pottery?: paint

Are you currently taking this survey before or after 9pm?: after, I started over 5 hours ago...

Is the sun shining bright outside right now?: it’s the middle of the night!

Would you rather watch a horror movie or a romantic comedy?: romantic comedy ^^”

[vyvesvi]

song rankings january - april 2020

only for my bias groups - loona, ateez, gwsn, and h&d - who are the only ones to have a comeback this year :^)

also to note - loona’s mini has 6 tracks, gwsn’s has 4, ateez’s has 5, and h&d’s has 7, not including the intstrumental tracks.

bsides:

1.) gwsn - tweaks ~ heavy clouds but no rain

2.) loona - day & night 

these songs are very close in my mind. there’s something almost remeniscent of future funk, which a kinda deep bass that i’ve been extremely fond of recently

3.) loona - oh 

4.) gwsn - after the bloom (alone)

these two songs are also basically on the same tier, the only reason why oh is #3 is because yeah gaja 1 2 is so iconic. the rap in after the bloom has major potential to go viral too (it’s literally so so so good pls listen) if groos start the trend but i don’t see it happening yet, idk. 

5.) h&d - empty handed 

a chill bop. dohyon has a lot more lines in this one, which is nice (im a hangyul stan btw)

i also feel like the vibes suit hangyul’s voice more. he’s being pushed as a main vocalist when that’s not really his strength, but this song fits his range a bit better than their title tracks have.

6.) h&d - toward tomorrow

very similar to empty handed, just more vocally driven? it almost feels like they’re two versions of the same song. but whatever, i like it.

7.) ateez - horizon

8.) loona - ddd 

the raps in these two are very different but i love them both sm TT. horizon is just art (hongjoong is deadass one of my favorite male rappers in kpop, like #1 or #2) almost but not quite on the level of after the bloom and ddd’s rap is just cute and catchy af, one of my favorite loona raps in general. horizon’s whole flow as a song is just really nice as well.

9.) ateez - precious

precious’ bgm is just weird af, kind of like h&d’s intro now that I think about it? but i like it, whatever. it’s kinda weird because it has the feeling of being a really artsy song kinda stuck in a pop mode? idk

i also like the feeling that they infuse this song with. like it’s very...idk if motivating is the right word? but this song evokes some sorta weird hopeful emotion that ateez often strays towards that i’m pretty fond of

10.) h&d - good night 

she’s cute, not much to report tbh. dohyon also has more lines in this and this concept suits him more than soul, which is nice.

11.) h&d - unfamiliar*

i fully expected to hate this song and i kinda did when it came out but as i relisten i’m coming to appreciate it. it’s not something i’ll listen to a ton 

12.) h&d - make me a different person 

it’s pretty chill, a little more...i’m not sure what the word is. it’s definitely not trop house but the beat is certainly...bouncy. idk. i have to be in the mood to really enjoy that tbh.

the other weird thing is that the song- and almsot all of their songs now that i think about it- sound super melancholy in tone? but the beat is so bouncy, it’s confusing lol. and not in the kinda tongue in cheek sad lyrics happy beat kinda way, just...the melody or their voices are very...emotional? that’s maybe too much, but i’m having trouble describing it lol.

below here is the slow songs section and im a slow songs anti, sorry

13.) loona - number 1 

she’s alright.

14.) gwsn - the aerialist (wonderboy)

the fact that this is their lead bside is like a kick in the jaw i’m personally offended

15.) ateez - star 1117

...not their best, by far.

*unfamiliar was technically a title track but it wasn’t the title for this album so i’m counting it as a bside lol

title tracks:

honestly i’m not a *huge* fan of the title tracks on any of these albums in comparison to others by the same group (for loona, ateez, and gwsn)

ateez - answer > loona - so what > gwsn - bazooka > h&d - soul

intros and outros: 

h&d - intro = loona - # > ateez - outro: long journey

of all of these songs ateez’s outro: long journey and star 1117 are the only songs not to be added to my library (and therefore not downloaded). i haven’t figured out h&d yet (so none downloaded atm), but i have all of these songs downloaded except for the aforementioned ateez songs and gwsn’s the aerialist (wonderboy). off the top of my head i’ll probably download the whole h&d album (maybe except soul, idk).

choreo

tl;dr - idk my ranking but soul is last

ateez - answer

im deadass afraid to watch ateez’s choreo because anze (their choreographer) does such an amazing job (my favorites are wonderland and wave) but ateez/kq tend to change the tone or take away my favorite parts of the anze choreo so for my sanity i really can’t watch atz’s choreo. anyways im sure answer is great lmfao

gwsn - bazooka

bazooka is simple and wayyy less intricate than their other title track choreos but i for one appreciate a solid point dance when i see one. the bazooka move is simple, iconic, and very representative of the lyrics so i appreciate it a lot. i’ve missed the iconic and iconographic choreo that kpop used to be famous for

h&d - soul

my main gripe with h&d in general is that hangyul and dohyon are s u c h a weird duo. even though i liked their album wayyyyy way wayyyyy more than i expected i don’t think that they’re very marketable as a kpop duo. duos in general just aren’t great, profit really rolls in at around 5 members, unless you’re 1.) blackpink, or 2.) a subunit of a larger group, and h&d are neither. 

another huge complaint (which is basically the same as the first): h&d had like, 60 backup dancers in the mv i swear. are you telling me that not a single one of them can carry a tune??? not a single one. out of 60. there were some cute ones that i noticed in the stage performance. you couldn’t even eke out a sub rapper mbk, seriously?

also it’s very clear that they’re pushing hangyul as a visual, main vocal, main dancer, which is fine ish except there aren’t really enough rap breaks in the song for dohyon to shine like, at all? and he’s kinda always behind hangyul and it’s really noticeable bc there’s only two of them (and their army of back up dancers).

icb i used to be a lowkey dohyon anti and mbk’s treatment has me doing all this. jesus

loona - so what

i’m gonna keep it all the way real. so what feels (and looks, to me) complicated for the sake of being complicated. the girls worked so hard to learn and perform this choreo but to what end? there’s no iconic point dance, and orbits and experienced dancers will find it impressive but it’s not really accessible to the gp?

butterfly hit that balance between complex and iconographic, but i’m not sure about iconic.

//btw, this is my metric for iconic: if you and a bunch of friends who like the same group were told to do a dance move or strike a pose based solely on the title of the song (obviously assuming that everyone has watched the livestages and is a fan, etc) would you all do the same thing? that’s the beauty of the point dance: if a song has a clear point dance, you probably will. whether this is a strength that every kpop song needs is debatable, but it’s definitely important to me, with few exceptions.

there’s probably more i could go into about mv and styling but i think i’ll stop here for now xx

[solargroup09]

Hi everyone!! I hope you're well and able to get some rest~~ I was wondering if everyone could choose one thing (music, a book, object whatever as long as it's not alive) to describe you, what would it be??? ~🏹

Skitz: Heyyoooo 🏹 anon! We've been doin good outside of practice and training and stuff! (What is rest? Is that a thing?) Now let's see.....so...Im'a choooooooose a song; and it's by Pentagon! Ever heard Alien? .....it....pretty much is my brain constant ahahahahahaha! I am quite alienish with thought process 😉 Hopefully you're doin well too!

Mina: hello our lovely hunter anon 💞 we‘re doing very well, thank you!! we’re planning lots of excited stuff, so stay tuned 🥰 and wow, that’s honestly quite a difficult question 🤔 ... but I think I’d go with a music box (not a bluetooth box, btw! I mean an old mechanical one that can play only one song). it‘s special, very cute, and often connected to and with different memories and emotions, so it’s also nostalgic in a way, I’d say - or well, that’s what my music box is like for me! and, of course, it can play music! as a main vocal as well as one of the members constantly listening to music, I think it‘s quite fitting for me 😊 and how are you? 💞

Ari: Hi there!!! One thing to describe me? Hmmm... I think I would choose.... my purple backpack! It’s one I take with me almost everywhere (even if it doesn’t go with my outfit hehehe) - it’s literally full of anything I could want or need during the day, from snacks, to my notebooks and pens, to a sweatshirt and extra things like medication and bandaids! You need anything, I might have it! And I picked my backpack because well... I like to think I’m prepared for everything, and if I’m not, I can adapt and use my skills to figure it all out. I’m also down to do anything - want to go hiking? Lets’s go! Wanna chill and snack and play video games? Let’s do it! You wanna work on some music? You got it! So yea... my backpack 😂🧡

Yueliang: we're doing good, thank you hunter anon! 💕 What an interesting question!!! I thought about it a lot and was very torn about it! Is there a book that represents me? Is there a song that describes me? I could see myself being a diary, a journal. It's about possibilities, creativity and inspiration. It's about feelings and very nostalgic. It could be shared or can be the keeper of your secrets. You can rip the pages you don't want to see anymore, like you do with bad memories or you can transform them into beautiful pages, like you do when you learn good things from bad experiences. I'm not sure it this makes sense at all but I'm happy with it! 😍

Rin: hello! that's a very interesting question! i think i would go with a notebook, those that you use for anything and everything you know? you scribble on it, doodle, maybe there's some important things here and there, you write nonsense or maybe sometimes you write poems. yeeee like just a book full of everything hehe

AJ: Hello dear 🏹 ! This is such an interesting question! I think I’d use a playlist to describe myself, there’s many songs that have literally been the soundtrack of my life, and I think you can get to know a lot about a person by the music they listen to! My actual playlists have over a thousand songs so I think I’d have to choose the ones that are most like me, but still, you can find bits of yourself in every song! One of them would definitely be Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance!

Luna: Hello my dear 🏹 !! This question is so interesting but it was also hard for me to choose. I think I'd be a flower, I personally find that each time they bloom, they get more and more beautiful and I find their cycle in life pretty similar to how life is in general. There are times where things don't always work out the way you would like them to but once it does, it's the most beautiful thing ever in my opinion. I hope that, as a member of Solar, I can help you heal as well as finding peace and beauty in life itself ♡

[doomedandstoned]

Nicolas Perrault from Rage of Samedi Taps Deep Emotion in New Solo Effort

~Doomed & Stoned Debuts~

By MelLie

NICOLAS "SCRIOS" PERRAULT -- some of you may have heard this name in the course of the German monster sludgers RAGE OF SAMEDI. German multi-instrumentalist, producer, live audio engineer, creative head in general, and bad-ass bassist of the aforementioned band. Often these artists are mostly referred to us in connection with the bands in which they play and we often know too little about their individual personalities and the solo projects they have to offer. Ashes on our heads!

After six years of walking the path of self-discovery and working on his authenticity as a solo artist, Nicolas has now announced the release of his first full-length album 'Shadows Cast At Dawn' (2020) on May 20th. That's why we should jump at this perfect opportunity to get a foretaste of the new album and take a closer look at Nick Perrault as "singer/songwriter" (a term that somehow doesn't entirely fit him).

With the song "Fires Within," Nick not only offers us a gloomy soul plough, but also a glance into his own soul. It is a gritty absolution punch, with abysmal soundscapes that deal with depression and anxiety. Emotional, melancholic, but in no way melodramatic -- a puristic and minimalistic-looking audio-active encounter with the emotionally frozen world and the breakout of those soul-damaging shackles. Like the Last Judgement runs Nick‘s throaty, heavy, powerful voice through the song and manifests itself like a memorial at the edge of the abyss into which the listener seems to look. This musical work is further underpinned by the impressive video-artwork, which was also created by Nick's own artistic hand.

I hope I have made you a little curious about the excursion into a border area of this heavy genre, which generally receives less attention here, and about the artistic work of Nicolas Perrault. Enjoy the ride through the abyss.

'Fires Within' music video

An Interview with Nicolas Perrault

By MelLie (Doomed & Stoned & Sunday's Heavy Tunes)

First of all, a warm "welcome", on behalf of Doomed & Stoned and our audience, Nick. It's only been a few months since you answered my questions as part of the gang of Rage Of Samedi! But this time, you are in the spotlight with your solo project! It‘s nice to have you here again!

It's an absolute honor to get to do this twice in a single year, so thanks for having me!

Nick, of course I have created my own impression of you in the process of preparing for this interview - at the latest now you still have the chance to escape! (laughs) How would you describe yourself? Who is this guy Nicolas Perrault?

I'm a multi-instrumentalist, tattooer, live audio engineer and producer and slightly sociophobic. So pretty much your average vegan straightedge dude who refuses to get a real job.

What made you decide to sell your soul to the "Devil Of Music"? In other words, how and when did you realize that you were burning with heart and soul to dedicate your life to music?

I've always played instruments, starting with the recorder, then organ and piano, bass, drums, guitar, bagpipes, and everything else. Way back when I joined my first band (a grunge/punk three-piece) and first picked up a bass, I realized I had a lot to say and music quickly became my outlet of choice. So about 18 years ago, but I didn't think of it in terms of a career yet, that only happened roughly six years ago, so I dropped out of university and started to work on my solo project.

You have left some very manifold and genre crossing footsteps on the pilgrimage through your personal music history: PTAH (doom), MOONSAIL (depressive pop-blues), and THRENODIA (black-metal) in former times are on my mind, current side projects are WILLE ZUR MACHT (avangarde) and you are the bass-riffer of Germany's blackened sludge doom monster RAGE OF SAMEDI! To what extent were these different musical influences and band experiences important for your progress as solo-artist?

I've spent a decade and a half working in bands, which would usually split up after a while, when the band became more serious and the others decided they'd rather pursue "real" jobs. So after a couple of those, I grew tired of waiting on the right people and just started working on my own. But every now and then I'd want to experiment with different genres, so I'd start a new project. The reason I'm now releasing under my actual name is that I didn't want to be stuck in one genre. I don't regret any of it, as they shaped who I am and the music I play now.

At the mention of your solo project, I could see the glint in your eyes. May 20th is the day! Let's light a sparkler for a minute! After three released EPs and six years of working as a solo artist, 'Shadows Cast At Dawn' will sail into the world as your first full-length album, which you even produced under the name of your own label Yew & Holly, right? What thoughts shoot spontaneously through your head right now?

Yup. I'm just incredibly excited to finally release this thing! It's been nearly six years and about eight different entire recordings, several changes to the track listing, heck- there are two tracks on the album that I only wrote this year! It's been a long, tedious journey and I'm glad for everything that happened along the way, because it made the final version of the album so much better!

Nick, let's turn the spotlight on the background information for your new album now. How would you describe your it to someone who has never heard your music before and which instruments play a major role?

A genre defying journey through post-modern life in a capitalist reality, focussing on depression and anxiety. Almost all of the songs are two sets of drums, a minute string section of violin and cello plus baritone guitar and vocals, that together create soundscapes so vast you might mistake them for an assassin's creed map.

Listening a little deeper into your work, one does not miss your natural fondness for philosophical thinking -- correct me if I am wrong with my assumption. Where do you get your inspirations from? And is there a message you want to convey to the listeners?

Well, I did study philosophy way back when. I tend to use naval imagery to paint a lyrical picture of depression and bipolar disorder, as a means of sharing the way I experience the world. It's likely not the most accessible thing you will ever hear, but it's a sincere expression of myself and that's really all I can offer.

"Fires Within," btw. Also one of my personal favorites of your album - is the amuse-gueule for our listeners What is the meaning behind this song and what moved you, writing the lyrics for this song?

"Fires" is all about setting boundaries and tearing down unhealthy relationships. If you have people in your life that hold you back instead of supporting you, ditch their ass! They're not worth the time and will poison any creative endeavor. Everyone knows at least a handful of these negative feckers and so did I. I spent years trying to help them get through their shit, but whenever I needed them they'd be more interested in getting drunk.

It's an unburdening from dead weight we carry, a cleansing, if you will. The chorus says "look not towards time, it brings only decay and destruction " and I think this is key to ridding yourself from negativity. Focus on your ultimate goal, that transcends trends and mood swings, that lives beyond time, and let it guide you. Don't stray too much from the path, or these negative influences will be right there waiting to cut you down.

"Fires Within"

Call upon the wind To wipe the surface clean He brings the rain and with it Absolution To carry with it the dust And bittersweet memories lost

Look not towards time To save your soul from fires It brings only decay and with it Destruction The fires burn from within Feast on the sand and it's running thin

Turn away from everything you hold dear To keep yourself safe from despair Cause all they bring is but loss All that remains is darkness when they are all gone Darkness that stretches like shadows cast from a new dawn

I would like to make a short swerve to the album cover. It is the wonderful artwork of Maryland based illustrator Luke Martin (Suburban Avenger Studios) who counts some famous musicians among his clients (Foo Fighters, Queens of the Stone Age, Arctic Monkeys, Red Hot Chili Pepper and others). How does the artwork relate to "Shadows Cast To Dawn"?

I've been a huge fan of Luke's work for years and a while ago he posted this picture to his Instagram. I was looking for something very specific to use as an album cover at the time. I needed it to evoke claustrophobia and a feeling of being safe inside whilst at the same time showing an outside, detached from the rest, just out of reach.

So imagine my jaw dropping as I saw this picture for the first time. It just struck me. So I wrote Luke, if he'd sell it. He had never sold a photograph before (plenty of awesome illustrations, though) so needless to say, I was very happy he did. He basically captured exactly what I had conceptualized -- that it's an actual photograph just makes it even better, as the concept is very much abstract but now has an actual physical representation.

The title "Shadows Cast At Dawn" was something that I had floating around in my head for ever. So when I began to work on the album that became the working title. Since I've worked on it for so long, that title has- in a way- effected everything I wrote, so it seemed to fit perfectly by the end.

Is there a special favourite place where you prefer to let your ideas mature? - a kind of soul-flyer place? I know you live in a small, rather idyllic place and not in a vibrant artists' metropolis! Whereby this way of living has advantages as well as disadvantages for an artist, right?

I love forests, oceans and mountains, so I'm pretty much alright with any surroundings, as long as I can escape civilization from time to time. Living out in the countryside allows me to focus, as you pretty much know where to find people, if you're looking for company but at the same time, you know where you are less likely to be found.

Sure, I need to travel a lot more to get anywhere and there aren't as many connections to be made face to face, but digitalization has granted us loners access to that aspect of life from the comfort of our homes, so I'd say it really depends on what you need to stay sane.

With the release of this album, you could now realize one of your dreams. Do we have another sparkler to light? What else do you have in the works? Are there any future plans that float in space? Or do you still carry around another big dream in your head?

I've already started recording for the next album, so fingers crossed that this time it won't take as long. Apart from that, I really want to tour the world, but circumstances aren't exactly ideal for that, at the moment. Apart from the music, I also tattoo and paint and hope to be doing more of that alongside music in the future. So if y'all wanna get some ink, hit me up!

Thanks a lot Nick, for giving us a deeper insight into your solo project and the things that move you! It's been very entertaining having this conversation with you here. We all will keep our eyes upon Nicolas "Scrios" Perrault in anticipation of your success!

Thank you very much, Mel, it's been my pleasure!

Leave Me To The Waves by Nicolas Perrault

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[randommmmie]

50 QUESTIONS FOR EVGENIA MEDVEDEVA

1. Why don’t you have a driving license?

— Becauee I’m afraid.

2. Best moment of 2019?

— New Year. I love New Year and I spent it in Moscow, at home, that’s why. I was on tv twice at the same time!

3. Do you listen to Putin’s speech?

— Oh, of course.

— Putin’s been here all Zhenya’s life.

— Z: Well, yeah, btw

4. Best invention of humanity?

— I’ll be ordinary and probably wrong, but Iphone, telephone.

5. If the name Evgenia didn’t exist what would be your name?

— Alisa. There were two options how to call me: Alisa and Evgenia.

6. The coolest number on your phone?

— I have Sergey Zverev’s number! He also gifted me earings!

7. The most famous person you’ve ever told to sod off?

— I can’t answer this question because I don’t remember. No...wait I can, but I won’t .

8. The most expensive thing you’ve ever bought?

— A Louis Vuitton bag. A big one, for luggage. 1500$. But it was a gift so I payed only half of the money.

9. Best place you’ve ever been to?

— Japan.

10. Where would you live if not in Russia?

— Only in Russia.

— But what about Canada?

— Well, I live there now, but after I retire I’ll return home.

11. Say something in Japenese.

— 私はとてもおなかがすいています

— What does it mean?

— I’m very hungry.

12. Do you know any Japenese swearings?

— 地獄

— And this means?

— Shit. I’m not a specialist, but I want to learn Japenese very much and I will. And as far as I know, they don’t have a lot of swearings.

13. Your favorite Russian swearing?

— I try not to swear but I say “вашу мамашу!»(a very light version of motherfuck) especially when I’m confused

14. And what about Canada?

— Oh, shit or what the fuck.

15. A movie that made you sobbing?

— “A Star Is Born”. That last scene where she were singing. There were boys with is and they were trying to hold on but I was sobbing.

16. Describe your life in Canada in 3 words?

— Calm. Boring. Productive.

— Why everybody says that it’s boring in Canada?

— Because my practices finish at 4pm and I have absolutely nothing to do. Thankfully I stopped eating meat, fish and dairy so to eat properly I have to cook

17. Justin Bieber or Ryan Gosling?

— Who? Justin Bieber!

Kovtun or Kolyada?(Max unexpectedly sits into the car and starts asking questions)

18. 3 things which are better in Canada than in Russia?

— Cricket Club, constantly smiling people and the third one...well it’s hard but let it be food.

19. What would you bring to Canada from Russia?

— Maxim Kovtun.

20 Olympic Gold or being always young?

— Olympic Gold. Olympic Gold! I don’t want to be forever young.

21. Tatiana Tarasova in one word.

— Great.

22. What tattoo would you like to get?

— Most likely a little moon somewhere on my wrist.

— M: How about a skate? Javi’s got one on his leg.

— Z: Wait, are you serious?

— Int: Guys see it in their locker rooms or maybe he sent it to Max!

A song you have on repeat?

— Billie Eilish “Bad Guy”. And the Russian one...I have a friend Yura and I promised to piar him somewhere so Haru, hi! Also Монеточка “Каждый раз» and NOIZE MC.

23. Your best friend unfollowed you on Instagram. Your actions?

— I will ask wtf and unfollow her back.

24. Your favorite clothes brand?

— Nike.

— And the most expensive thing in your closet?

— NIKE X OFF WHITE

25. Your unexpected talent?

26. You told Masha Komandnaya that during flights you write and draw...

I’d like to create something with such print. A sweatshirt, maybe

27. What’s harder football or figure skating?

— Figure skating.

28. Tell me why fs fans are sometimes more cruel than Spartak(lol) and CSKA fans during the derby?

— In the last two years figure skating has become incredibly popular, like bever before. Among every 100 people there are 1-2 unnormal. And I don’t know why but they go crazy and write so a lot of comments that it seens like there are many of them

29. Describe Alina Zagitova in one word.

— Hard worker. I remember how we worked before the Olympics. And I can say that she works like crazy.

30. Describe Liza Tuktamysheva in one word.

— Funny. She’s really funny and never cares about some little things. I try to learn from her.

31. Now describe Yuzuru Hanyu in one word.

— Winnie the Pooh.

32. Why everybody says that you and Yuzuru are a couple?

— I don’t know. It’s not a mainstream already, not cool. I’m so used to the fact that fans are trying to find me a husband that sometimes they offer me some options and I’m like “why not?”

33. How strong is Putin’s handshake from 1 to 10?

— 8 but maybe it’s because I’m a girl.

34. What annoys you the most in people?

— A lot. Sometimes people and their existence in general. But seriously, laziness.

— And in yourself?

— I’m too open. Sometimes it bites me back.

35. What would you change in your appearance if you could do it in a snap if your fingers?

— Nose, please nose.

— What’s your opinion on plastic surgeries?

— It’s normal.

36. Tell me about meeting with Denis Glushakov.

— We talked about sport. He asked a lot about figure skating, about the Olympics. A lot of things were goung on in my life that time so yeah.

People hate in Glushak a lot at the moment. What advise would you give to him as a figure skater?(I’m not Zhenya but he shouldn’t have cheated on his wife and be a rat towards his coach, idc).

— When there was a lot of pressure on me I deleted Unstageam. It helps. Now I have it again. I gained the immunity. I don’t care what people say abot me. I open it, laugh and close it. But before Worlds, before the start of the season I deleted my Instagram and read books.

37. Instagram or VK?

— Instagram.

— Iphone or Android?

— Iphone.

—WatsApp or Telegram?

— Telegram.

— Sobchak or Dud’?

— Sobchak.

— Dud’ or Urgant?

— Urgant.

— Dzyuba or Ovechkin?

— Ovechkin.

— Kharlamov or Batruha?( Russian comics)

— Batruha.

— Sushi or Borcht?

— Borcht.

— Puppies or Kittens?

— Puppies!

— Kristian Kostov or Brad Pitt?

— Kristian Kostov. What a silly question.

— Zagitova or Tuktamysheva?

— Both.

— Batman or Superman?

— Superman.

— GoT or Sailor Moon?

— Haven’t warched GoT so Sailor Moon.

— Go partying or have some sleep?

— Well...

— To be a leader or to follow?

— To be a leader.

— To write to your crush first or wait for their actions?

— I always write first. It’s awful but I do. I’m not afraid to make the first step.

— K-pop or Russian rap?

— K-pop.

— You are ambassador of k-pop in Russia. What does it mean?

— That I love k-pop. It’s becoming more and more pipular.

— Yeah, even Ed Sheeran...

— Oh, I love Ed Sheeran!

38. An actor you had or still have a crush on?

— I was 15, maybe 16 and I watched “Flash” so it eas Grant Gustin. Ah, god, it’s just...

— Wrote to him on Instagram?

— No, but I have his autograph. A fan gifted it to me. Idk, how this happened but I was like “Aaaaah!”

39. The most beautiful man except relatives?

— Chan from EXO.

40. The most fashionable woman?

*points at herself*

— Ok, it was sarcasm of course. But to say seriously in classic stule it’s definitely Lady D. Maybe it sounds very boring but it’s true. At the moment I love what Billie wears. It’s something new. She always wears something big. And I love big clothes! I feel so tiny!

41. When was your last date?

— Two days ago.

— Rate it from 1 to 10.

— 8.

— Just like Putin’s handshake.

42. Who should pay on a date?

— I always protest, but I think the guy should. But I always feel very awkward when they dio it. I feel ashamed when I get expensive gifts or when someone pays for me at a restaurant.

— What’s your perfect date ideas?

— I’m a romantic, and I’m sentimental so the best idea is Red Square in New Year’s Eve.

43. What annoys you in girls?

— I think a girl should be a little bit envious, a little bit tricky and even bitchy. It’s in our nature. But I hate when they are like: “Weeel, I don’t know...I think I won’t go...” Idk how to call it.

— Mannerism.

44. How to understand if a guy is in love with you?

— I don’t know. At the moment I really don’t. I’m to young!

45. Your source of strength?

— Faith. Faith in something. In your bright future, your relatives, your friends. Faith in good things. But at the moment it’s faith in myself.

46. Have you ever written a love poem?

— In my life I wrote like three poems. I’m very sorry but I don’t love poetry. For me it’s weird when someone speaks in rhymes. It’s unntural. But 1 of that 3 poems was romantic. I don’t jnow how many pages there was but it took 10 minutes to read it.

47. What doesn’t let you sleep at night?

— Instagram!

48. Last philosophical subject you were thinking abot?

— What happens to a planet when it gets into the dark hole? Does it become smaller? Does it vanish? I know that I can google it but it’s not interesting that way.

49. Random fact about space.

— My fans gifted me a star certificate so there’s Medvedeva flying somewhere in space.

50. There is a sport term “MVP”. So who’s the MVP of planet Earth right now?

— In total, not only in sport? Come one, there’s no such person.

Source

[letsperaltiago]

you’ve stole my heart and made it your own |Jake x Amy|

Dearest, @amystiago <3

I am indeed your secret valentine 2019 and it with immense pleasure that I present to my gift: a Jake x Amy oneshot (and mood board lol) specially written for this occasion and you! “You’re a hot little piece” like 4-drink Amy would say and I’d also like to add that you’re “Cool cool cool cool cool cool”. I hope you have the loveliest Valentine’s day and like the famous Charles Boyle said: “I hope you like it, but if you don’t I will kILL MYSELF.” 

also I looked up SO MANY super cheesy baby and like father/daughter-songs in order to find a title, so it got ver very emotional but yanno anything for you, my love! 

Lots of love and hugs and happiness from me!

xx your not so secret anymore valentine

((btw Sorry for the ugly ass baby photoshop but i couldn’t help myself aha. anyways))

word count: 3.2k

FEBRUARY 14TH, 2021

If you were to ask Amy Santiago just a year ago what the best sound in the world was, she would’ve more than likely replied that it was either the rumble of her developing label maker or just pure, calm silence on a Sunday morning. In no world could she ever deny that she indeed still enjoyed these very specific sounds, yet these days there was something she loved even more. Something else.

As if on cue, a loud high-pitched wail cut through the bedroom’s until then silence. Automatically and actually on cue - it took no longer than one night of being a parent to learn it by heart - Amy turned over and away from where she’d been snuggled into her husband’s warm chest.

“Don’t get up,” a tired mumble from her husband caught her in the act, making her freeze on the spot and throw a glance over her shoulder. Just as she probably did, Jake looked tired; his head was still smushed into his pillow and allowed his messy morning-curls to dance across its white cotton cover. Though they weren’t yet open - his brain more than often awake before the rest of him - she could easily tell that her husband’s eyes were tired. Not just an ‘I hate getting up before 12 on a Sunday’-kind of tired, but more an ‘I hate getting up before 12 on a Sunday since I woke up twice during the night to check on my crying daughter’-kind of tired. There nothing, not even the exhaustion she felt, that could hold back a small smile.

“I have to. Marcy needs me.” In the midst of pushing herself off and away from the comfort of the mattress, Amy felt her husband’s familiar arms grab her waist before tumbling to a rest in his arms.

“I need you too,” his tired grumble against her ear still caused a shiver to this day. A peck, trying to convince her to stay, followed behind. In vain though it was very tempting to give in. 

“Jake-“

A heavy sigh caused his chest to push against her back, implicitly letting her know that he knew she was right. “I know… But stay in bed, okay? I’ll get her.”

Not that she wanted to object to this but before she even had the chance, it was Jake’s turn to push himself away from his spouse and roll out of bed. Amy secretly loved that their 3-month old daughter was pretty much the only thing that could get him out of bed this fast. It seemed like such a drastic contrast to the nervous Jake that one year ago had freaked out wondering if he could live up to the big role that was a father’s. Not that Amy blamed him for these specific feelings, since they rooted in something so complex and difficult as Jake’s own dad being mostly absent and a scum for most of his son’s childhood. Even considering this - history, feelings, uncertainty - she never actually doubter her husband; not for a second. From the way his eyes had both lit and teared upon in response to her announcement of the pregnancy, Amy had always been sure of one thing and this still applied today: Jake Peralta loved his daughter more than anything else in the world, and handled it with as much humbleness, patience and love as possible after only 3 months of experience. It was safe to say that Amy was beyond proud.

“Hey, Marcipan,” the sound of her husband’s cooing voice as he rounded the corner of their bed snapped Amy out of her thoughts and back into reality. In front of her, by the bassinet placed against the wall parallel to her side of the bed, Jake appeared wearing only his boxers and a ‘Die Hard’ t-shirt which was at least a size or two to big for him. He swiftly reached out to switch on a tiny night light, which sat on the wall above the little one’s bed.

“Stop calling her that,” Amy chuckled tiredly as he leaned down over the bassinet to carefully pick up the little human, before cradling her in his arms and turning back around to face his wife. Gosh, Amy would never get tired of the sight of it. Maybe also why she happened to have at least a 1000 new photos on her phone proving just this point alone. Thank goodness Terry had advised her to upgrade her amount cloud storage. “She’s gonna grow up thinking she’s an almond-confection.”

Jake had to chuckle even and shoot a though his daughter was still letting it be known that she wanted some kind of attention by whimpering in his arms, “Are you denying the fact that my daughter is sweet enough to eat?”

Rolling her eyes and shaking her head was not uncommon in the Peralta-Santiago household and so this comment would not slip by as unnoticed either. “That’s not what I meant. And your daughter? Says the guy who said, and I quote, “Before sunrise she’s your daughter” just a few days ago.”

“Hey! I thought it would be really cool to quote Mufasa, okay? He was a great dad.”

Another roll of the eyes seemed appropriate. “Worth it?”

Amy might’ve been sarcastic, but Jake totally beamed with joy at the thought of the dark 4 AM-wake last week, where he’d delivered the iconic line when his daughter had woken them up with a fuzzy sounds and small whimpers.

FLASHBACK — PREVIOUS WEEK

Amy had immediately reacted at the sound like set to autopilot. Hoping that it was just a one of daughter’s short ‘fuzzy moments’, where she’d fuzz around for a few moments before eventually falling back to sleep without further complaints, Amy decided to stay put where she was currently resting with her upper body on top of her husband’s rising and falling chest. One of his arms was protectively wrapped slouched around across her back whilst the other was stretched out to the side across the empty part of the mattress.

Silence did not ensue the fuzz though, but instead a loud wail-turned-cry. Amy loved her daughter to pieces, but exhausted could not describe what the mother felt after having woken up just an hour ago to feed.

“Jake…” The name barely came out as an actual word and more in the resemblance of an animalistic sound. Emphasising that she wished to stay where she was, Amy scooted herself in deeper into his chest.

“Hmmm…” His mumble let her know that he was definitely in deeper sleep than her.

“Marcy s’wake.” It might’ve seemed like just an obvious statement from her part, which it to some extent was, but also more importantly a hint.

“Hmm ’know.”

After another few seconds of not moving, neither of them, Amy figured she had to vocalise her intentions. “Check on her… Please…”

“Before sunrise she’s your daughter.” Jake didn’t have to open his eyes to know that this had caught his wife’s attention - fully awake or not - and definitely wasn’t pleased with the timing of his Disney-reference. The always quirky and bantering aspect of their relationship definitely hadn’t dissolved because of Marcy, but there was now a sense of time and place that needed to be considered: a pitch dark February morning at 4 AM was not an exception and Jake knew.

“Jake…” Though she wasn’t in on the joke, Amy’s mumble definitely sounded like the one of a displeased lioness, which was kinda hot to Jake but then again: time and place.

“Yeah.” Well-knowing that it was only fair that he got up for this one, very aware of all the hard mommy-hours Amy put in these days even though taking care of Marcy was very equally balanced between the two of them, Jake lazily leaned down to peck his wife’s forehead before gently slipping out from beneath her. “Show me going.”

“Thank you. I love you.”

END OF FLASHBACK

“Though I do not stand by what the quote stands for, I do not regret saying it.”

Marcy’s cries grew louder - completely drowning out everything else - letting her parents know that enough was enough. Actually so much that her cries turned in to straight up howling. Jake’s attention was immediately redirected back to his daughter, concern showing on his face as he kissed her forehead and made his way over to Amy.

“Don’t cry, baby. Daddy’s right here. You hungry?”

Having already propped herself up onto her elbow, Amy pushed away the duvet to welcome her crying daughter into her arms before carefully placing her on the mattress by her chest. “Hey now, Marce. We’re gonna settle that hungry tummy. Just give mommy a second.” Duty called and Amy skilfully pulled up her NYPD-shirt to reveal the nethermost breast before cradling the soft back of her daughter’s head in order to lead her. Behind her, she could feel the mattress dipping under the weight of her husband as he got back under their shared duvet meanwhile a fuzzy Marcy’s head was uncontrollably and unsuccessfully rummaging the area around her mother’s nipple only growing more and more angry; the crying growing more desperate.

“Marcy,” the mother softly cooed as she tried to guide her daughter to where she needed to be. “It’s right there, baby. No need to get angry.”

Jake could only scoot in close to his wife’s back, watching the scene unfold in front of him with dreamy eyes. This - the same exact thing - had happened countless time by now since a 3-month old ate a billion times a day. Yet Jake’s chest never ceased to burst every time he watched his amazing wife take her time with their little one. It seemed banal but it was truly one of his favourite things ever. Nothing or no one else could compare these days.

As a contrast as strong as night and day, the family bedroom was suddenly drenched in complete silence; cries replaced by the gentle slurps and sound of Marcy sucking. A sigh of relief and calmness coming from the very bottom of Amy’s chest seemed heavily appropriate.

“She finally found it,” chuckled Jake, placing an arm around his wife’s chest to hold her while he stroked his daughter’s feet with hands that made the tiny vessel of life seem even smaller. Some would maybe call it banal but to Jake there was nothing more amazing that this. This right here. His best friend and wife quietly breastfeeding their daughter. He still remembered the first time he experienced and felt that slight clench of bliss in his chest oh so clearly.

FLASHBACK - NOVEMBER 10TH, 2020

Overwhelmed was probably the most suiting word as Jake planted a long, tender kiss to his wife’s sweaty forehead to accompany his hand which was holding her firmly while a loud wailing engulfed the room. The wail belonged to his probably not more than 1 minute old daughter: Marcia Santiago-Peralta. The little bean he’d been talking to through Amy’s womb was now a whole, tiny, living human. She was here.

“I’m so proud of you,” his voice was strained with tears just like his eyes as he spoke those words into his wife’s forehead, meaning every syllable more than anything else he’d ever previously said. He always knew that his wife was a total badass - even before they’d started dating - but tonight was the most solid proof. No one needed to tell him that he’d never be able to do what she’d just done. “You’re amazing. I love you so much, Ames.”

Though not letting go of her hand, Jake pulled back to look down at his obviously exhausted by also glowing, always stunning teary-eyed wife and now mom. Her chest was still heaving in attempt to catch up with the breathing she’d completely lost to the last 10 hours of screaming, groaning, crying and pushing - sometimes all of those simultaneously. Not going to lie, Jake had to admit that he’d been rather emotionally unstable during those 10 hours. On the other hand he did managed to keep it inside and be over the top attentive, calm and collected on the outside for Amy’s sake.

“I love you so much too, babe,” she let go of his hand in order to reach up and cup then stroke his cheek with her trembling thumb. Her body was still in an incoherent state of both exhaustion and adrenaline rushing through her, but none of that seemed to matter anymore. Nothing else. “She’s here.”

Brighter, even brighter than when she agreed to marry him, Jake smiled and gave off a weak nod. This woman was indeed his sun and his moon, his everything, and now together they’d created a little star. The feeling seemed beyond words.

“Here she comes.” The voice immediately caused both parents’ heads to snap out of their moment and in the direction of the smiling nurse who walked towards them with their crying daughter. Looking back it seemed rather morbid, but right in that moment there was no sound more beautiful than those cries. Next thing he knew Marcia was resting stomach down on her mother’s chest. Amy’s hands immediately and instinctively wrapped theirselves around her - one supporting her bottom as the other carefully held and stroked her head - before leaving down to kiss the soft top.

“Hi, baby,” she addressed the little human calmly through the loud crying in an attempt to soothe both Marcy and herself. “No need to cry. Mommy is here and she loves you so so much.”

Jake carefully leaned down, resting a hand on his daughter’s back before carefully pecking the spot Amy had previously kissed. “Welcome, Marcy,” he sniffed, trying to compose himself before continuing to speak, ”I’m your daddy.”

Another few beats of cries, tears and loving words mingled in the room before the same nurse who’d brought them Marcy politely interrupted them. “I think it’s time for you to feed her, Amy. She’s probably hungry and it’ll also calm her down.”

Amy listened carefully, looking up at the nurse from her sitting position in her bed with attentive doe-eyes as the process was briefly explained to her. Jake’s hand was on her shoulder know, gently rubbing it as he felt his wife tense when the nurse told her to go ahead and push up her shirt. He leaned down to whisper in her ear, “Hey,” he pecked the shell reassuringly. “You’ll do fine, Ames. The worst is behind us. I’m right here.”

After randomly choosing a side and pushing up the shirt, too focused to actually vocally answer and instead just nodding, Amy carefully - as if she was handling fine china - placed their daughter horizontally against her chest and followed the nurses instruction. Marcy was still crying hysterically, squirming discontentedly when Amy cupped the back of her head, holding it still and guiding it towards the bare nipple which she was told to stabilise with her free hand. All at once it seemed overwhelming and clumsy to Amy, especially when the baby kept crying and missing the goal. But Jake could only sit in his chair, which he’d pulled as close to the bed as possible, and stare with admiration.

The need to cry definitely didn’t grow smaller. “Shh shh, Marcy. It’s okay, baby. I’m trying to help you,” Amy cooed.

Suddenly a contrasting silence engulfed the room. Wide smiles grew on both of the new parents’ faces. “Jake! She’s sucking! She got it!” Amy chuckled with relief, once again teary eyed as she snapped her head in the direction of her already looking husband.

Slowly as to not interrupt Jake reached across the edge of the bed to stroke his daughter’s head. She’d only been around for a couple of minutes but somehow Jake couldn’t get enough of her. He just wanted to touch and hold her forvever. “She’s brilliant...” Then he turned his gaze towards his wife who couldn’t stop looking down at what was happening right there in her arms.

She must’ve noticed because suddenly she tore her eyes away from her daughter to instead look at her husband. A fond silence and stare was shared between the two, lasting for who knows how long, before Jake decided to finish his sentence. “Brilliant just like her mom.”

END OF FLASHBACK

“Yeah,” Amy’s voice clearly smiled. After making sure her daughter was indeed properly installed and comfortable, the mother allowed her arm and head to lie back down onto the pillow, yet still keeping her hand on the back of the baby’s head. Her fingers, including both her engagement and wedding ring, softly stroked the soft skin and feathery, tiny hairs. A beat of a moment later Amy could feel her husband settling down behind her properly, keeping her close, and gently placing his head on top of hers. Together in silence they took in the miracle in front of them. Nothing better than this little miracle of life had ever been given to them. The quiet suckling went on, working as a calming sound machine for the tired parents whose eyelids were heavy as yet they couldn’t get themselves to close them just yet. Amy felt a press of lips against the side of her neck.

“Happy Valentine’s day. I love you so much,” followed behind, soaking into the skin of his wife’s neck in the form of a muffled promise. “Not just today, but also all the days before and all the days forever after.”

Shivers of pure love and happiness went through Amy’s entire body.

“I love you too. So very much…”

Without bothering their daughter, Amy emphasised her response by twisting her back to the side to look at Jake. Meeting her halfway, their lips met in a soft, chaste kiss that contain all the love in the world. Not only for each other, but for their daughter and family as well. When pulling back, Jake took a moment to take in his wife’s tired but nonetheless always beautiful features. His eyes reflected the light from the still switched on night light, only emphasising the stars of adoration that already shined within them.

“We’ve obviously had other priorities lately, so I haven’t had the time to plan anything this year… But if you’re up for it I’d be more than willing to work something out?” Jake spoke, carefully keeping his voice at a reasonable level. While he did love his daughter more than anything, he also loved ‘mommy and daddy-time’, which was basically only an option when their little one was either asleep or eating. Or both. It was all about seizing the little moment before it was too late.

A beat of a paused let him know that she was thinking, only to be interrupted by her daughter’s mouth slipping off her mother’s nipple. Small whimpers of frustration immediately began to grow. Luckily the mother’s hand was quick to lead her daughter back on track, silencing her once again. Amy smiled to herself in content then twisted her neck to somewhat face her husband again.

“Jake… It’s okay. I’m completely content with this. I don’t need anything else today or any day ever. This is the perfect Valentine’s day. Thank you.”

[annathesimple]

Tidbits from the 1st semi-final of Vidbir (cause an actual summary from me would suck)

Even the beginning was rad, just listen how Andriy Danilko was announced, “His commentary is already as honest as it gets, but last year he outshined himself, a person who can tell you to go (fuck yourself) and don’t notice it - Andriy Danilko”

--- Host going like, “omg, Danilko, you have a different shirt today, will the same happen to your hat one day??”

---one time I actually agreed with our host was about organizators’ motto being “not a single Vidbir without Melovin” and hey, who can blame them?

--H: ¨and while at the other side of the screen Melovinators are losing their voices due to screaming, and someone at the backstage is being revived, I want to say that he was asked to participate as a guest, not as a participant¨ - bold of u to assume it will stop all the screaming

- Andriy Myhaylovych (Danilko), do you know that you are a human meme?   - Yeah, I am aware. Probably that’s just my destiny.

--Showcasing stickers with Danilko’s last year’s quotes, aka quality content

-- How would you describe our place in last years esc with one word? - Proper. (yeeee, mama Danilko being proud of his son)

--- said that after Mel was picked the administration of STB channel (that wasn’t really sure about him in fact) called him (Danilko) and said that he was right (about Mel)

--- “Hey!” by The Hypnotunez was a good fucking song, I will defend it with my own fists and swinging long hair, i mean, come on, they are singing ”why don’t you do like the bad girls do” while showing a funky running dinosaur on a screen, come onnnn. --- Letay finally showing Prityla his place by fighting back, my God, thank you so much! 

Well, that’s how it went: Letay performed, and in the end of his song he grabs a handfulll of baloons and flies above the stage

well

later Pritula was making a fun joke (tm): reminded me of 80's summer Olympics, I even wanted to sing "goodbye, Mishka, goodbye"

and Letay went like: tbh, i have missed out on those games, i am not that old

--- ohhhh, Danilko liked it ↑ a lot.

--- Just so You know “ЦеШо“ translates as “What’s that?” and I love them too. ---Another sweet thing? Danilko being all supportive of  “ЦеШо“ and saying “I really love the crazy ones”

--Host called “ЦеШо“ minions cause of their yellow outfits and they responded by making minion sounds every time he turned his back to them, to the point that it was freaking him out. Hell yeah!

---YUKO has brought elecrofolk and was just like: ~hell yeah~

--- Maruv:  “My fans were like, “maybe-maybe you will participate in Eurovision?? so i had to tense my ass and write another song.”

---Also, for the ones who was kinda disturbed by Maruv’s performance: they themselves describe it as an “intelligent provocation and a kind of trolling”

---Host: in 2016 you said “all that i wanted to take from this contest - i have”. --Maruv: thank you, I remember

--- Host: I think it would be fair to give the first word to a person that you (Maruv) tried your best for - Jamala” (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑

--- Danilko had problems with his radio set but instead said “wait, I am having troubles with my radiation”

---Host while announcing Brunettes Shoots Blondes, ”the guys that have spent 3 years making a stuffed piano” (btw, that piano is from XIXth century, don’t mess with it)

---honestly, the Frankenstein piano should get its own name and be listed as another member of the band

--- That legendary moment with Danilko and G-spot talk that i just must translate later ٩( ᐛ )و

--- “Oh, we got a translator from Danilko-language?” no, Prytula (the last name of the host), everybody understands him, you are just being mean.

--Danilko literally going ‘“God, let him stay quiet” about Prytula. Also “Jamala - go tell him”.  Yeah, Go tell him!! ೕ(•̀ᴗ•́)

--Melovin talking a bit about himself (God, I need to translate it as well, don’t I?)

--Host trying to provoke Mel with his “how do u feel about your 17th place?” and Mel being like: what 17th? I got 7th, cause public vote is more important to me; judges won’t come to my concerts, people will.

--Host to Danilko, ”Once one famous sportsman said: if you are the 1st one - everybody remembers you, if you are 2nd - nobody remembers you. Melovin got 17th place. What is this result to you?” -- I will tell you - your sportsman is stupid, because everybody knows the 2nd one”

--”I will tell you - I was very proud of Melovin’s performance, Because that atmosphere of negativity that was aimed at him at the national selection.., and it’s not really cause of the jury, let’s say it was cause of some other people if to put it gently, and I did say it very gently. I was.. you know, I was calm watching the performance; before, during the day, I have sent him a text message. Have you got it, btw? - (Mel) A huge thank you for everything! - Then why haven’t you replied?? *Mel starts laughing* --I am joking, joking, he did reply. I was sitting and was so content with you being confident, you being calm, everything went smoothly. What place? Guys, every time, on every national selection I am trying to tell everybody - that doesn’t matter at all. What matters is the quality of your country’s performance. And it was very high quality, it was proper, it wasn’t like any other year. Good job! --”He was the first one to write to me after the performance. I adore you!”

[goodguidanceptc]

Ironman New Zealand Race Report  March 2, 2019

Welcome masochists and insomniacs. When people ask me about my races, I usually try to deliver a balance of facts (split times, data, total race time) and feelings (mind & body perceptions, key moments) in an entertaining yet succinct report. As usual, that often means STRONG LANGUAGE. Here goes:

Prologue:

A few weeks prior to the trip, I learned that I’d been selected for the “Ironman New Zealand Experience,” an online contest, administered with typical Kiwi approach by the local council. Read: relaxed, with ZERO Ironman lawyers involved. Six men and six women were selected--based on online posts--to learn a haka, perform at the athlete dinner and attend an after-race luncheon that included a presentation and performance of Maori history and traditions. 

I suspect my "pick me! pick me!” post got me plucked from a small applicant pool. Supporting evidence: of the twelve selected, two others were my training buddies from Chicago, Christine B. and Bernie Mc. SIDE NOTE: Each winner was allowed one additional guest at the luncheon--so a very special thanks to Christine for graciously counting my wife as her guest which meant I had both my wife and son at the luncheon.

Haka is Maori for “breathe fire.” Historically, hakas were performed by Maori warriors prior to battle. These days they are performed ceremonially to celebrate major milestones (marriage, retirement), honor important guests or--perhaps most notably--to intimidate opponents at athletic events (here’s a link). Outside of New Zealand, the most famous and awe-inspiring hakas are performed my the Maori All-Blacks National Rugby team prior to each match. 

I learned that there are hundreds of haka versions, each with its own inherent weight baked into the story it’s presenting. Although it was very different than the aggressive, male-only, pre-battle version the All-Blacks perform, I personally felt a tremendous honor and reverence for the one we learned.

The haka preserves indigenous culture, energetically injects traditional language into a modern forum, gathers and channels group energy by seamlessly melding ritual gesture and movement with raw emotion. It all adds up to a sum greater than it’s parts that’s simultaneously respectful and rebellious. Taken as a whole, the haka is something like how the Incredible Hulk would dance if the Incredible Hulk danced.

All of which is just to say that before I even started the race, I’d already experienced that tremendous joy that comes with receiving an unexpectedly perfect gift. IMNZ was already a success before the race even started. Now, let’s get back to facts...

Total race time = 11:33

Not a PR, but a mature result. “Mature?” you may be wondering, “Really?” Granted, few people would describe anything I do as mature, so perhaps a better word is un-deluded. Why? Because plantar fasciitis made for a “No-Run November” (all long runs performed in a pool), I hadn’t done enough resistance training, and winter holidays not only make it impossible to train, they make it nearly impossible to fuel properly. 

In his book, Elite Minds, Dr. Stanley Beecham suggests giving yourself a W when you trained your best and an L if you didn’t. My record for this training sequence (Nov-Feb) was 89-20-11. ( I gave myself T for Ties on days when training went right but something else went bad...usually diet.) In other words, a respectable-but-not-stellar W average (.741) earned a respectable-but-not-stellar result.

But still, the haka was awesome.

Pre-Race

Slept well. Ate well. No mechanical issues. Huddled briefly with most of the training buddies and Iron sherpas prior to warming up properly in the water.

Swim (1:06 total swim time)

Clear sighting, aggressive line, good tactics (drafted when possible), and even got some help from the current towards the end. That said, the two turn buoys at the far end were both a raucous scrum. First time I ever took a hard shot to the lip. My best swim ever. 

T1 (7:49)

"T1 is a 400 meter run from the swim out...” My ass. If that’s 400 meters, I’m Leslie Jones from SNL. Plus, AFTER the “400 meters,” a winding grass staircase comparable to any third-floor-walk-up or Wisconsin helix--easily another +50 meters at an +8% grade.

Once I did get up Mount Metric Bullshit, I moved right along. Sprayed on some sunscreen, stuffed a plastic bag under the regular bike jersey with some light gloves (in case it was nippy for the first hour), shoes on in the tent. Go.

Bike (5:38, technically a bike PR)

Two loops. Windy? A tad. The outbound tailwind was so strong, I struggled to maintain target watts. Get that? I didn’t have to pedal as hard as I’d trained to because I was easily traveling +20 mph on flat sections. Ditched the plastic bag and gloves at the first aid station because it was sunny and mild and I was feeling really great. Of course, logic dictates that inbound would be a shitstorm. Which it was. Oy. Mixed with some crosswinds too just in case you, oh I dunno...tried to pee on the bike and took too long...or wanted to take in some nutrition. Nasty. I caught myself using a bastardized mantra from IMAZ, “Frontside fast side, backside strong side” which morphed into “Out bound, throw down; In bound, get down.” whenever I was tempted to chase or draft.

A word on drafting: it’s illegal in Ironman races. BUT! By slipping into the draft zone of somebody passing faster than you are passing then letting them go, you can save energy and still stay within the letter and spirit of the rule. That said, 12 meters = 6ish bike lengths so don’t be the fucko that lingers.

Repeated that song and dance inbound on both loops. It’s a terrible thing when you can’t stay in aero-position because you gotta pee but can’t pee because the wind stuffs any momentum you need to keep your leg straight long enough to break the seal. But it WILL keep you legal.

For you data geeks: Normalized Power was 197 but I AVERAGED 20 m.p.h.

Another notable: the bone-shaking chip-seal they use to pave most New Zealand roads. It just rattled my whole rig from pedals to fingertips to helmet. That shit literally rattled my Torpedo bottle right out from between my aero-bars about halfway through. I’d already taken in the nutrition so I left it (apologies to all the Tidy Kiwis and the whole leave-it-like-you-found-it philosophy) and just held fresh bottles in with my thumbs as needed.

T2 (4:13)

Efficient but could have been a tad quicker. At this point in the race, I was on plan, feeling good and ready to attack the run. Nutrition was on point. Legs were solid, stomach was a non-issue and weather conditions were near ideal. Sunny and delightful low 70s. I was actually looking forward to Run Special Needs where I’d planted a fresh shirt and an extra bottle of nutrition.

Run (4:36 aka: avg 10:39/mi)

I went sub-4 hours in Louisville under raining mid-40 degree conditions. If I could have just matched that, I’d have delivered a juicy PR of under 11 hours.

It seemed reasonable that flat IM-LOU shitstorm would vaguely equate to hilly IM-NZ sunny delight, yes? 

No.

That three loop run over what my training bro Andrew T. would call offensive hills was having none of that nonsense. Turns out, I was woefully undertrained. My legs were just not up to the second and third loop of hills, despite biking to plan, executing nutrition properly, and taking the first loop at a very easy RPE.

In past reports I’ve shared some of the actual mental chatter that runs through my head but in this case none of my mantras were very interesting or helpful. What I have learned to do when I’m truly falling apart is to reinvest in technique. Focus on the extremely immediate present, which I used to counter punch one particularly angry and persistent neg that I just couldn’t shake. See if you can pick it out of the following scientifically gathered brainwave transcription:

...chatter-chatter-chatter...BREATHE...left-right-left-right-Toe-off-knees-up-hands-up-lean-easy-at-the-ankles-glutes-tucked-somebody-fucking-LIED-to-me-goddamBREATHE!-Toe-off-knees-up-hands-up-lean-easy-at-the-ankles-glutes-tucked-somebody-fucking-LIED-to-me-goddamnit-Toe-off-left-right-left...chatter-chatter-chatter...BREATHE

On a slightly more-vulnerable note, I will share this: typically, a few tears leak out at special needs. Hormones? Pain? Mental breakdown/relief that the marathon is half over? All of the above, probably. Just a few moments of a grown man losing it. (Do NOT watch Ricky Gervais’ After Life while jet lagged. But DO watch it. Amazing. Shut up. Don’t judge my process.)

Anyway, I was all business during the Special Needs of this run but lost it right after a particularly steep descend where some guardian bros had set up an “unofficial aid station” consisting of Red Bull, handles of vodka, and liters of Jaegermeister. A runner just ahead of me had grabbed something off their card table and their robust cheering were suddenly horrific screams warning him off of chugging it. I was just tickled and toasted at the same time and it all came gushing out. Just all kinds of quads burning gasping ugly face craughing (learned that word from a tweet praising After Life, btw). Of course my male ego would NEVER allow me to overly express vulnerability in front of the drunken bros, thoughtful though they were. So I kept running. A woman running along side me kindly asked if I was okay, I said, “Oh...yeah...this...just happens,” between gulping breaths, “The good...news...is...it’s much...later...than usual.” Which cracked her up, so... y’know, pay it forward.

After slogging my way through the third loop, and making my way through the finishing chute, where the normally incomparable Mike Reilly butchered my last name, I was told that I’d been on the leaderboard during the bike and immediately fell off during the run.

So even though I did not over-bike, I did under-train. Plus, I did not need to go directly to Medical in shock, which suggests that my race plan, nutrition strategy and execution was pretty spot on. IMAZ was a PR of 11:19 and IMNZ was 11:33.

OVERALL RACE GRADE: C. Just a C. 

OVERALL EXPERIENCE GRADE: A+

As with prior races, IMNZ yielded some incremental improvements. As I said at the top, this was a mature result, with which I am unsatisfied. I haven't yet done my best race. I haven’t yet DONE MY BEST. There is clearly opportunity for improvements to all five aspects of my racing:

Swim was well executed. Still room for growth.

Bike was properly executed. Adequate. If anything, I could have pushed more.

Run. Ugh. Time to throw myself into Runner’s World and CARA and make like Forrest Gump and Prefontaine and Mo. Also, back to Hokas. Or maybe Altras. The Brooks I ran in were farts. The blisters on my toes had blisters. Not kidding.

Fuel strategy and execution was on point, although I was a few kilos heavier than previous races. Holidays and too few resistance training sessions.

Transitions were adequate.

Am I one of the guys at the pointy end of the bell curve? Clearly still yes. Maybe I’ve just evolved beyond a standard group training plan. Self-Coach? I’ve got the credentials and experience. Back to a previous coach? Maybe a new coach? I’d take some applications. Yes.

In the meantime, I’ll see you in Chattanooga for some 70.3 action in May, 2019. That’s only two build cycles. Ima go noodle around in TrainingPeaks.

WAIT. HERE’S THE BERNIE STORY...

Bernie McNally is one of those people I am just glad to have in my life. This race report would be wholly inadequate if I didn't share how this amazing woman is absolutely unstoppable.

First, she got everybody who trained for New Zealand (at Well-Fit) a fleece.

I forgot to mention she broke her ribs in a bike accident a few months ago.

Then, in what can only be described as the luck of the Irish, she charmed her way into the “New Zealand Experience” haka class. Just showed up and got in. Turns out one of the women selected didn’t show up. Classic.

Here’s the unstoppable part: at around Mile 110 of the New Zealand Full fucking Ironman race, she hit a cone and went over her bike handle bars. Road rash up her arm, split her knee open and cracked her head/helmet on a curb. A bystander said, “Do you need some help? I’m calling an ambulance.”

Her reply?

“Just help me get my chain back on.”

So he did. And she finished the bike. The medics in T2 told her she needed stitches.  She said she didn’t have time, to just patch her up so she could get on with it. She finished the race with half an hour to spare. Words fail.

All I know is this: whenever I’m feeling like I can’t get it done--and it can be anything from driving in traffic to folding laundry to a holding pace on a long run--I know exactly what I’ll hear. 

A thick, sassy, Irish brogue doing the haka.

WITH GRATITUDE FOR…

I’m very grateful to my lovely wife Susan and my wonderful kids, Peter and Veronica for their support. Susan, you are my salvation.

I’m grateful to have the expert professionals Coach Russ and Coach Sharone and the entire Well-Fit staff and athletes who generously share their wisdom.

I’m grateful to my inspiring and impressive training partners. Especially the seven hardcore savages that got it done in New Zealand--Adam, Christine, Dan, Kelly, Megan, Mike, Will and Bernie.

I’m very grateful to anybody willing to excuse my terrible smell, deplorable language and barbaric sounds during training.

Maximum gratitude to Well-Fit, Get-A-Grip, Fleet Feet and all the pools I use.

I’m grateful for Crushing Iron (C26), Matt Fitzgerald, Joe Friel, Training Peaks, Scott brand bikes, Apple, Ironman.

Thank you to all the on-course maniacs cheering and making signs and wearing all sorts of crazy outfits to show love and support. For strangers exercising.

I’m grateful that I’m able to race triathlons. I’m grateful to you for reading.

[maisiestyle]

ARYA STARK & MOTHERHOOD

This clear parallel foreshadows Arya’s journey into maidenhood. The Lyanna-proxy lays out hints of Arya’s pending evolution. We already see those changes happening as Arya moves towards her maidenhood.

Both Lyanna & Arya were tomboys and in Lyanna’s case, she evolves into her beauty and femininity. Arya has often shown disinterest in such things - but as the story progresses… is Arya also growing out of that way of thinking just like Lyanna did?

It’s rather telling that Arya develops a rather obvious fascination with Courtesans while she is in Braavos. Her bias for them is continually pointed out by George. Arya appreciates their beauty and grace. Would a young Arya in Winterfell give that a second thought?

The first time Arya is introduced to the idea of Courtesans was when the Kindly Man offers Arya the choice to become one and live a different life outside of the HoBW and the Faceless Men.

“You believe this is the only place for you.” It was as if he’d heard her thoughts. “You are wrong in that. You would find softer service in the household of some merchant. Or would you sooner be a courtesan, and have songs sung of your beauty? Speak the word, and we will send you to the Black Pearl or the Daughter of the Dusk. You will sleep on rose petals and wear silken skirts that rustle when you walk, and great lords will beggar themselves for your maiden’s blood. – Arya, AFFC

As Cat of the Canals (and living in the household of a pseudo-merchant), Arya works selling her wares, and she watches these beautiful women go about their days and nights. Arya describes 4 of them with such reverence.

“The courtesans of Braavos were famed across the world. Singers sang of them, goldsmiths and jewelers showered them with gifts, craftsmen begged for the honor of their custom, merchant princes paid royal ransoms to have them on their arms at balls and feasts and mummer shows, and bravos slew each other in their names. As she pushed her barrow along the canals, Cat would sometimes glimpse one of them floating by, on her way to an evening with some lover.

Every courtesan had her own barge, and servants to pole her to her trysts. The Poetess always had a book to hand, the Moonshadow wore only white and silver, and the Merling Queen was never seen without her Mermaids, four young maidens in the blush of their first flowering who held her train and did her hair. (Arya could pass as one of her mermaids btw. One recently drowned and was replaced very easily Arya later finds out) Each courtesan was more beautiful than the last. Even the Veiled Lady was beautiful, though only those she took as lovers ever saw her face. - Cat of the Canals, AFFC

A little closer look at some details…

The Veiled Lady: Arya can’t see the Lady’s face, so what is Arya seeing that is “beautiful”? I assume it must be the way the Lady carries herself and what she is wearing that Arya is appreciating. Again, something the old Arya would not think twice about.

Merling Queen: Arya is blind and tells the Kindly Man the Merling Queen’s new mermaid is lovely. The Kindly Man is displeased when he hears this description from Arya. He tells her she is still blind so how would she know?

“The Merling Queen has chosen a new Mermaid to take the place of the one that drowned. She is the daughter of a Prestayn serving maid, thirteen and penniless, but lovely.”

“So are they all, at the beginning,” said the priest, “but you cannot know that she is lovely unless you have seen her with your own eyes, and you have none. Who are you, child?”

“No one.”

“Blind Beth the beggar girl is who I see. She is a wretched liar, that one.” - Blind Beth

Is the Kindly Man noticing a change in Arya as well? It’s very likely her next apprenticeship will be with a courtesan in the next book.

There is also the Black Swan which is a nice touch considering George compares Arya to 3 black swans in the earlier books. Arya even wants to become one.

The Nightingale courtesan who Arya sees at the House of Seven Lamps.

Speaking of locations where courtesans frequent: It’s interesting how Arya thinks of The Satin Palace while she is begging on the streets completely blind as Beth:

The Satin Palace with the perfumes of pretty young girls who dreamed of being courtesans.

Arya is blind. Yet this is how she chooses to envision these girls? Dreamed of being courtesans…

The Satin Palace was much quieter, a place of whispered endearments, the soft rustle of silk gowns, and the giggling of girls.

Arya couldn’t see these girls, but she is quietly learning how to be like them as we’ll see in later chapters. Which again… is not something old Arya would ever waste her time with. What is happening to our little “tomboy”? Hmm.

Then we have the courtesan that has the most impact and interaction with Arya so far:

I think the courtesan Arya will most likely train with is the Black Pearl.

Cat told the kindly man what she already knew about the Black Pearl too.

So this is definitely setting up Arya’s transition into her maidenhood which will be guided with a female mentor in the form of a Courtesan, the ultimate icon of refined femininity in that world. These women are regarded very highly despite the nature of their job. There is a level of power and agency Arya must already see in them that she respects and is drawn to. A definite change to the Westerosi example of a highborn Lady who exists to serve their husbands and breed suitable heirs. Of course this is a very superficial view that Arya may come to denounce once she sees what a Courtesan’s life is really truly like behind their veiled smiles and lofty and famous reputations.

The idea Arya getting to do things Lyanna was never allowed to is very interesting. It’s George’s way of letting us glimpse and understand Lyanna more through Arya and visa versa. Most of those things that Arya has gotten to do being masculine in nature with the sword fighting and adventuring. Perhaps the same will occur with the more female-orientated duty Lyanna did not survive to experience? Motherhood.

Arya is often associated with moon imagery and motifs, which are heavily symbolic of motherhood. Couple that with an interesting detail involving one of the 3 dresses Arya is forced to wear while captive in the Riverlands:

The dress she put her in this time was sort of lilac-colored, and decorated with little baby pearls.

Only 2 female POVs are dressed in baby pearls and that is Arya and Dany who wears it on her wedding day as baby pearls are symbolic for motherhood and fertility.

[queen-pens-her-memoir]

Nothing earthshaking with regards to my existence and life story. Everything about me is simple, average, mediocre. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I can't bring myself to lie or commit any type of fraud. Maybe I'm basically a good girl because of my decent upbringing -- but, mind you, I am no angel. Am I a disciplined person? I can consider myself so -- because undisciplined is someone I'm definitely not. My rebel character, however, springs up every now and then as I am moderately notorious for being a nonconformist.

I got married to a master electrician a couple of decades ago, a union which lasted on and off for unbelievably ten long years. We had a son whom I raised singlehandedly until he reached the age of 22. When this only child of mine got a job five years ago, he left home and never came back. We haven't reconnected eversince.

How do I describe myself? Painfully shy and quiet, honest, sentimental, loyal, sensible, skeptical, stubborn, thrifty, broken and, imo, deeply flawed. Also sometimes cold-hearted with people (by reason of blistering life events) but, most of the time, I'm truly soft, sensitive, vulnerable. I used to be so self-conscious of my bashfulness and whatever eccentricity I've had. I wish somebody had told me it's okay to be different. That you can conduct your oddness with grace and pride.

There's a tendency for my written expressions to become melodramatic especially when they touch on matters of the heart. Even so, my belief remains that exceptional poems and prose have stood out for the justifiable degree of drama they exhibit.

Many people have deemed me a strong woman. Deep down, I'm not. I'm a baby in the middle of physical pain -- and I'm bloody fearful of losing my independence and financial self-reliance. How I wish I were tougher like the handful of women I have admired.

You think I'm a cynic? Perhaps so. A famous author, nonetheless, asserted people who have been cited for their cynicism are actually deep thinkers who possess razor-sharp observation when assessing situations. Isn't that a bit encouraging? :-)

A small number of things I believe in: Romance-wise, I hold faith in the existence or reality of soulmates, in love that lasts till the end of time, in faithfulness, storms of passion, kindred spirits. The younger me had consistently nurtured a few ideals about love; yet the older me today doubts her capacity for this four-lettered word. What do I really know? All I can say is that I sure have suffered from feeling too much and allowing my heart to rule over my sensibilities.

Aging has been a painful phase for the eternal girl in me. How can I feel old when my heart keeps failing to recognize the march of time?

Religion is also a never-ending thorny issue in lieu of my need to believe in a Higher Power so it can help me endure life's hard knocks as well as ease my sense of isolation. Lamentably, atheism seems more suited to my way of thinking.

That both my parents played favoritism among us siblings scarred me for life. I was the quintessential daughter who couldn’t measure up to her beautiful elder sister.

In school, I had been fond of the subjects Art, History, Astronomy, Law, Philosophy, P. E., and of course, Literature. The following, btw, were the awards and recognitions I received during gradeschool years: Best in Reading and Writing, Best in Language, Most Polite (my mother taught us her children to always greet our teachers), Most Industrious (I regularly stayed after class to arrange back the chairs and put things in order around the classroom -- something I enjoyed doing).

My loves: reading, writing, traveling; dogs and cats and indiscriminately, all animals; dancing, rainy days, breathtaking scenery of landscape and nature, pretty malls. I love looking up at the sky morning, afternoon and night. The moon in whatever shape and shade has found a fervent lover in me.

My likes and interests: exercise, hard-action flicks (minus any revolting graphics), milk tea, Coca Cola, food and drinks that have chocolate in them, pasta, funny guys who make me laugh, humor among plentiful things and situations, clouds, libraries, bookstores, alleys and balconies, elevated trains running across the sky, mountains, snow, falling rain; the colors pure white, light brown, soft red; cool weather, musk scents, astronomy. So far, a few of my most favorite authors and poets are Richard Jackson, Albert Camus, Fernando Pessoa, e.e. cummings, Kenneth Rexroth.

I don't mind doing housework, several chores I find relaxing such as washing the dishes. I like being organized. Yet I have this frustrating habit of not putting things back in their proper place.

My hates: summer at its peak, loud blabby women, bugs (especially the big flying ones)

A couple of my minor regrets: First, not keeping a diary. Second, not learning how to ride a motorcycle: I fancy women bikers as ultra cool.

I would want to live forever not just because I'm afraid of death but because there's so much in life to cherish and hold on to.

In my next life, I’d be a female librarian, a musician, a versatile actress, a great poet.

-- wordpress entry, Marjorie DL

*******

Another all-time beloved song. Everybody likes this old classic. My most favorite version is this highly dramatic rendition by The Four Tops.

"I will take the wine while it is warm/and never let you catch me looking at the sun/...But after all the loves of my life, you'll still be the one.

I will take my life into my hands and I will use it/I will win the worship in their eyes and I will lose it/I will have all the things that I desire/and my passions flow like rivers in the sky...

And after all the loves of my life, you'll still be the one."