#the silly guys. love them. rose from some movie made in the 90s is Definitely Not Gay with another character in her movie

[allthecastlesonclouds]

did anyone say Never Stop Blowing Up OCs?

Meet Clare Simmons, a Video World employee who is trying their best, and Rose Emile, thief extraordinaire :)

picrews used: 1 2

[starrcrossrose]

Okay for the risk of a long post, I’ll put all my answers under the cut but I wanna play!

Here are my answers to these 😗🐢✌🏻

1) First exposure to TMNT was I think the 2003 series?… wait NO it was the movies from the 90’s! But I don’t remember them super well so I’ll just say 03.

2) Watched 03 on weekends or sometimes after school as a kid when I’d visit my Nana’s house (she had cable tv, but my mom did not so tv time was sacred and special to us at Nana’s 😂)

3) I loved them, the theme song was awesome, and I was always always ALWAYS a Leo girlie

4) I was always a casual fan of TMNT and enjoyed almost every new bit of content when they hit big screens. However, Rise of the TMNT did me in. I have been a goner since late 2020, but DEFINITELY since 2022 when the movie released.

5) I’m most familiar with Rise by now, but have definitely done more digging now that I’m IN. Second to that would probably be the Bayverse movies and then 2003 (again, only bc I didn’t have cable or internet so most things I loved as a kid were watched in spurts and all of them incomplete lol)

6) I own SOME official TMNT merch. I have a couple of comics (IDW Collections volumes 1 and 2, the 40th anniversary comic, and the TMNT X MMPR volume 1 comic), as well as a couple of figures and some games. But most of what I own currently is fan made bc Rise got NO good merch. Not a single thing.

~Favorites~

7) Rise is my favorite, hands down. But there are things about the other iterations that I do love. It’s just that Rise has everything someone like me LOVES, so it’s perfect for my silly brain

8) Leo. Always Leo. And Donnie is always fighting for that top spot but I always end up caving into being a Leo girlie. Especially with Rise where Donnie WAS my favorite… until season 2 🤣 sorry lil dude

9) tbh Rise Leo is my favorite of the Leo’s ONLY because I loved the divergence from his typical outward character traits. It was fun to see who he COULD be if the weight of responsibility and leadership were not forced upon his shoulders at a young age. And, at his core, he is STILL such a Leo. He just buries a lot of those things under his cool guy persona. There is nothing I love more than a well written, multi-faceted character

10) Rise Leo 💙✌🏻

11) I have come around to loving lots of the Raph’s, actually. I really like Bayverse Raph, and I like 07 Raph, 03 Raph, and Rose Raph for very different reasons. Rise is special to me tho bc he has such eldest sibling energy and problems that I heavily relate to

12) Oh I ADORE Bayverse Donnie he’s just such a gentle, quietly unhinged dude. But RISE DONNIE. HE IS EVERYTHING IVE BEEN SAYING A DONATELLO COULD BE! Little mad scientist who can make anything out of everything and is so unhinged in his projects and his love for his family. But every Donnie is so good, so cherished. (Except for maybe 2012 Don… sorry buddy your writers failed you just a little)

13) Favorite Mikey is also Rise Mikey and now probably Tales Mikey. Because I think he deserves to be a little more of a gremlin. Channel that youngest energy (even if he’s the same age he just has that “youngest” privilege in a lot of ways I think). I loved how he got to be more blunt and feel an array of emotions instead of always being the party guy in the recent two iterations.

(This is where I add that I wish I knew the IDW boys better. I’ll get there someday)

14) Mmm I actually really liked 03 and 07 Splinter. Wise, tired dads with good character designs. And yes I also like Rise Splinter (again, complex and multi-faceted and you have to actually pay attention to get the payoff of his own character arc. It was refreshing to see the Sensei also experience growth even tho he’s an old man).

15) Favorite April is also absolutely 03 and Rise. Fierce ladies who will absolutely put themselves on the line for their turtle friends in very upfront ways. I did also enjoy 07 April but just didn’t get as much time with her as I would’ve liked. That movie had a lot of sequel or spin-off tv series potential but alas.

16) Casey… is harder for me to answer. But tbh I really like IDW Casey, and I also love Casey from Rise bc it was such a different take on the character. I don’t remember too much about 03 Casey as far as personality so eh. He was there but doesn’t stick out as strongly to me.

17) RISE SHREDDER IS PEAK, YOU CANNOT PRY THAT PLOT AND INCREDIBLE DESIGN FROM MY SILLY LITTLE GRIP

18) Mmmm… favorite Villain… I mean Shredder is the classic but I think I really like the Kraang in Rise bc they’re actually scary in the sense of the power they hold. But I also liked Superfly in Mutant Mayhem, he was interesting. I need to keep reading and watching other series to get to know the other villains better. XD Bishop is a good one too

19) Favorite ally… gosh this one is also hard to answer bc I don’t know many of them well enough yet to give an opinion. For now I will say Casey Jr from the Rise Movie

20) THEME SONGS. I will always love the 03 theme it was MADE for the era is was airing in 🤣 the Rise one also slaps. But tbh I think TMNT has stayed pretty consistent in having good soundtracks and theme songs throughout time ✌🏻

21) Favorite story arc isssss also hard to answer. Again I didn’t have cable to I never got to finish arcs and see them out from start to finish. And Rise was too short to have anything more than “Growing into being heroes and defeating Shredder” arc into “traumatize every single one of them down to their bones and almost kill Leo right in front of me and my salad” arc for the movie. 🪦 and in 03… I also never saw enough of it to fully finish arcs either. I’m sorry I’m a fake fan 🫡😂

22) My favorite pizza is Hawaiian and when I found out Rise Leo liked it too I actually yelled 🤣

Okay I will answer the rest later! 💙💙💙

In honor of TMNT's 40th Anniversary, here are 40 questions for people to send you about TMNT!

~~ Background ~~

1.) What was your first exposure to TMNT?

2.) What was your first exposure to [TMNT iteration]?

3.) What was your first impression of [TMNT iteration]?

4.) When did you become a fan of TMNT?

5.) Which iterations are you familiar with?

6.) Do you own any TMNT merchandise?

~~ Favorites ~~

7.) Which iteration is your favorite?

8.) Which turtle is usually your favorite?

9.) Who is your favorite version-specific turtle?

10.) Which version of Leonardo is your favorite?

11.) Which version of Raphael is your favorite?

12.) Which version of Donatello is your favorite?

13.) Which version of Michelangelo is your favorite?

14.) Which version of Splinter is your favorite?

15.) Which version of April is your favorite?

16.) Which version of Casey is your favorite?

17.) Which version of the Shredder is your favorite?

18.) Who is your favorite villain?

19.) Who is your favorite ally?

20.) Which theme song is your favorite?

21.) What is your favorite story arc?

22.) What is your favorite kind of pizza?

~~ Fandom ~~

23.) What is one of your favorite TMNT fics?

24.) What is one of your favorite TMNT fan comics?

25.) What is one of your favorite TMNT AUs?

26.) What is one of your favorite pieces of TMNT fan art?

27.) What is something you love to see in TMNT art/fics?

28.) What is one thing you would like to see explored more in TMNT art/fics?

29.) What is one headcanon that you have?

30.) What is one common headcanon that you reject?

31.) What is one piece of TMNT canon that you dislike/ignore?

~~ For Artists/Writers ~~

32.) What was the first thing you've made for TMNT?

33.) What is your favorite thing you've made for TMNT?

34.) Which character do you write/draw most often?

35.) Which character relationships are your favorite to write/draw?

36.) Which character do you have the hardest time writing/drawing?

37.) Do you write/draw for one specific iteration, or multiple?

38.) Do you generally stick close to canon, or diverge from it?

39.) Do you have any TMNT OCs?

40.) Do you give the turtles tails?

[timeagainreviews]

My Series 10 Rewatch: Knock Knock

Hello, my fantastic friends! I am sorry I have been so quiet. I got coronavirus in February and it really wiped out my energy. I am finally starting to bounce back and feel like leaving the house once more. This beautiful Scottish spring we’re having has definitely helped. I also lost my grandpa this week, so I've been all over the place, emotionally. Obviously, such a big pause in the middle of a series 10 rewatch is disruptive, so I would rather just dive back in if it's all the same. When last we were gathered, I was talking about "Thin Ice." Since then, the ice has thawed and I am now up to series 10 episode four- "Knock Knock," by one-time Doctor Who writer Mike Bartlett.

An aspect of Doctor Who which I love about Steven Moffat’s era is that the Doctor and his companions didn’t spend every waking moment of their lives together. Unlike companions of the past, who basically left behind their family lives to galavant across time and space, the companions of the Moffat era had home lives. Not only did this make for some humorous moments, such as the Doctor landing his TARDIS in Clara’s bedroom on date night, it also set up the characters for something of an actual life. "Knock Knock," uses this separation of worlds to establish one of its central themes- can you have a normal life with the Doctor? 

Being a poor student in London, Bill is forced to look for a flat with a group of people she only sort of knows. This is your typical group of students, eclectic and young. The biggest commonality they have is they can’t afford a place on their own. One of the ways in which this makes the episode suffer is that none of them has much chemistry together. However, it does enable Bartlett to explore deeper concepts, such as the fear of meeting new people. Our characters are forced to deal with a deadly situation with people who are basically strangers. 

The other commonality they have is Bill’s mate, Shireen. I got momentarily excited the first time I heard her name, but only because I thought it was going to be Rose’s best mate Shareen. Also, it would mean that Rose and Shareen had like a 10 year age difference, which would be weird. Shireen is a bubbly sort that seems gung-ho about everyone getting on. This doesn’t stop 90% of their interactions from being a total cringefest. Not one of these characters is particularly likeable. Pavel, the musician of the group, and the one character with maybe a bit of culture becomes a wall pretty early on, so it’s a bland time from there on out. But that’s getting a bit ahead of ourselves. 

After a montage of disappointing flats ("Oh my god, the toilet is is what room?") the gang stands defeated. But like a beacon of light, comes a glimmer of hope in the form of John, a man who clearly prowls the streets for groups of youths. The gang is willing to overlook the obvious stranger danger about John because he has something they need- a giant house at a reasonable price. It’s another one of those deeper concepts being explored here that I think Doctor Who does so well. The show operates well when it preys upon basic fears. In this case, it’s the fear of the creepy landlord. The fear that your home life may be dictated by a creepy man who carries a tuning fork and forbids you to enter certain parts of the house like it’s Beauty and the Beast. 

 Arriving as if to say "No, Bill, you can’t have a normal life," is the Doctor. After using his TARDIS to move her belongings, Bill is quick to send him off. She even foregoes the traditional six-pack of beer and pizza, the universal payment for friends helping one move house. Of course, the moment the Doctor enters the derelict abode, his Time Lord senses are pinging. The Doctor isn't just an embarrassing "grandfather," type, but also a threat to any semblance of a normal life Bill can hope to have. As I said, this is familiar territory in the Moffat era. A funny side effect of the Doctor's attempts at allowing his companions to live normal lives is it only adds to the sharp contrast between both existences. Perhaps this is immersion therapy on the Doctor's behalf. Letting his friend remember what the world is actually like so as to not disassociate her from her own time and place. Or perhaps it is the Doctor softening the blow of eventually losing his friend.

The Doctor leaves long enough for two things to happen. Firstly, Pavel is listening to some music and suddenly is eaten by the house. Nobody seems to notice. Secondly, the new housemates have a bit of a games night for their first night at 11 Cardinal Road. There's no cellphone reception and the house is nowhere near up to code. I applaud them for trying to build up these characters, but it never really gels. Their merriment is cut short after hearing a noise in the kitchen. Scooby-Doo style, Bill leads them to the pantry where she finds the Doctor never actually left. They decide to head to bed, but the Doctor decides he's going to stay up with Felicity and Harry and listen to music. He also reminds Bill to maybe check on Pavel who has not been seen all day.

Now back in the sitting room, the gang is surprised to find John present. He addresses their problems with the amenities and waxes strange about having a daughter to look after. The Doctor asks John who the Prime Minister is, but he is unable to answer. Before they can ask more questions, John disappears down the hallway, but not before sounding his tuning fork against the wood. On her way to bed, Bill has the most cringe conversation with her new housemate, Paul. Paul fancies Bill. Bill fancies girls. I get that they may have wanted a scene where Bill flat out says to the audience that she's gay, but Paul comes off as super creepy. I wouldn't have an issue with this, but I feel like we're meant to find Paul endearing. It's hard for me to place what exactly they were going for in this scene. Paul, mate, you just met her. You just moved in together. Maybe let the paint dry first.

Luckily, like a shot from the dark, the plot saves us from having to stand in the hallway of awkwardness. Paul, having gone to his room, screams. Thinking he's having a laugh, Bill and Shireen go knocking on his door, only to find the return knock sounding across the hallway wall. The house begins to creak and shudder while doors slam shut. It's like something from a haunted house movie. In many ways, it follows a familiar trope from Doctor Who. The house haunted by aliens. We've seen it in "Ghost Light," "Hide," or even Edward Grove from "The Chimes of Midnight." Though I would argue that here, there is less grist for the mill. "Knock Knock," is a more stripped back, simple story. And in that way, I find it begins to lose me as the mystery unravels. 

As the housemates run through the house, trying to escape whatever is happening, they find Pavel in a state of flux. Something about the music on his record player skipping has kept him from being completely absorbed by the house. I will say, this is a great bit of body horror on the makeup department's behalf. Everything about Pavel looks like a guy getting eaten by a wall. As it turns out, the tuning fork and the music have more to do with what's going on as the Doctor discovers the house infested with alien lice known as "Dryads." Using his sonic screwdriver, the Doctor is momentarily able to draw the bugs out from the grain of the wood. The Dryad is not your common woodlouse, as it appears to move through wood like water. Even in my second viewing, I found myself wondering if this is kind of cool or kind of dumb. I vacillate between the two. 

In many ways, this is both Doctor Who's greatest strength and its greatest weakness. The surreal nature of a time-travelling police box affords us things like sentient planets, talking chair frogs, and killer mannequins. On the other hand, it gives us farting aliens, gamma radiation in the form of lightning, and the Doctor screaming until a window smashes. I remember reading an Eighth Doctor book where horse people read books on their planet by licking them and tasting the story. Sometimes, Doctor Who is bloody brilliant, and other times, it's bloody embarrassing. But that's partly why I love it. This kind of freedom gives it freshness. One week we get a priest buzzing like a wasp as he talks, the next we get River Song and the Vashta Nerada.

Now, I'm not saying "Knock Knock," is bad, but it is a little dumb. I've already complained about the dopey kids nobody cares about, and the silly aliens that aren't that scary, but the end of this episode is where it really kind of evens itself out. As I said, I vacillate between this being a good and a bad story. We learn that the reason John doesn't want anyone up inside the tower of the house has nothing to do with safety, and everything to do with a dark secret. After discovering the unclaimed belongings of previous occupants over the span of decades, the housemates learn that they are just the latest in a long line of people being fed to the house.

I found the motivation of the Dryads a little hard to understand. It seems weird to me that a woodlouse would want to eat people, but here we are. As it turns out, John has found a way to keep his "daughter," Eliza, alive using the Dryads. After noticing they respond to sonic vibrations, John has been using the tuning fork the make them do his bidding. It's a simple arrangement- he feeds students to the Dryads, the Dryads keep Eliza alive as a wooden woman, hidden away in the tower like some forgotten ghost. Once again, the makeup department has done its job. You genuinely believe Eliza is a woman made from wood. I especially like how they used papery twine for her hair.

They do a good job giving reasons why the housemates can't call for help. No wifi, no reception. But it is hard to imagine that over the course of decades, nobody came looking at this giant house for clues of their missing loved ones. Maybe they did and the house ate them as well. All I know is that it's mighty convenient that not one prospective tenant said to their mum or dad "Hey, I'm moving into a giant house at 11 Cardinal Road." Hell, even the Doctor helped move Bill in. What was John's big plan for when the Doctor came around looking for his "granddaughter?"

By this point, several of the housemates have been eaten by the house. Honestly, I could care less about which ones. I think Paul got his, and of course poor wooden Pavel. Or would that be wooden panel? I can't stress how little I care about these characters. Am I cold? I don't think so. We never see them on the show again. They don't matter in the slightest. With the Dryads closing in, the Doctor and Bill have to think quick. Which is when they realise that the timelines don't match up. If John were Eliza's actual father, he would be long dead. Seeing as he is not also made of wood, they deduce that he is in fact not Eliza's father, but her son. Unable to say goodbye to his ailing mother, John has been preserving her. Eliza has been through so much trauma that she has completely forgotten this fact. It's all rather depressing if I'm honest.

Depressing is okay though. What's Doctor Who without the occasion trudge through misery? Of course, it's not all doom and gloom, as Eliza restores all of the young people, once again leaving me to question why they were eaten in the first place. Were they transmuted into energy and simply recombined? It's the best explanation we're going to get, which is fine. David Suchet gives a powerful performance as he begs his mother not to end their lives. His performance is, by far, one of the strongest elements of this episode. Eliza and John are both overtaken by the Dryads, who are off presumably forever. I suppose the threat of Dryads is no longer looming now that their puppet master is no longer pulling their strings.

All in all, I find myself without much to say about this episode. It's not bad, but it's not a banger either. Even writing this review has been a bit of a slog. I find myself hard-pressed to really have any strong feelings one way or the other, and sometimes, that's just how it is. I will say it is the brownest episode of Doctor Who I’ve seen since the ‘70s. The BBC really knew how to dull down colour back then. Sigh... The best I can say about "Knock Knock," is that it's fine, really. There's nothing really wrong with it other than being kind of dull. I think if they'd have tried harder to make the characters more relatable it could have helped. Not every villain needs to be the new Daleks or Weeping Angels. Unlike some of the other episodes in my series ten rewatch, my opinion on this episode has changed very little. I would be as equally surprised to hear someone say this episode was terrible as I would be to hear it's their favourite. This is the kind of Doctor Who you can have on in the background. 

Much like we followed the lacklustre "The Unicorn and the Wasp," with the transcendent "Silence in the Library," I am very excited for the next episode in my rewatch- "Oxygen." Another anti-capitalist romp in the vein of "Smile," is just what I need right now. Now that I am back and feeling up to writing again, you should expect to see a bit more output. I wanted to cover the BBC's Youtube Dalek series, of which I have not watched a single frame. I've been putting it off because I wanted to talk about it on here. I have a few non-review articles in mind, but I don't like to promise too much. What I am saying is that you can expect more, soon! Take care!

[redrobinfection]

(8) Haunted Woods

SociallyAwkwardFox’s Spooktober - Day 8 “Haunted Woods”

 Steph & Tim | Discussion of StephCass and JayTim | Gen | Silly | Phone Conversation | New for 2019! | Want to write with me? Find the prompt list here!

AN: No capes, Tim and Steph are about 14 here, Jason is 16, and Dick is 18 (he's a senior). Damian is 11. Tim’s parents are still alive and he’s often been invited to hang with the kids at Wayne Manor throughout his childhood. This is generally set in the late 90s-early 00s, because the 90s era of Robin, Spoiler, YJ, and solo Nightwing were the bessssssssst :)

~*~

Tim picked up his cordless phone, dialed a number, then threw himself across his bed and listened as the phone on the other end rings, feet swinging restlessly off the side. He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling fan turning slowly above him.

"'Yellow?"

"Hey, Steph, it's me."

"Oh, hey, Tim," she replied, voice slightly garbled like she might have food in her mouth. "How'd that haunted house charity thing go?"

"It wasn't really like a house, it was more like a haunted trail-walk thing in the woods between my house and the Waynes', but, yeah, it, um, went okay, I guess."

"That's good. Raised lots of money for the shelter?"

"Yeah, I think it did. More people turned out than we expected."

"Nice! So did you get to spend time with those two Wayne guys you're crushing on? Penis-name guy and, uh, what's his name? Jay, right? That stand for Jacob?"

"Jeez, Steph, the older one is Dick, not 'the penis-name guy'--"

"I dunno, that's close enough."

"--and his brother is Jason."

"Ahh, okay, the ‘Jay’ is for Jason."

Tim rolled his eyes. "Ugh. So... No, I didn’t. Dick and Jay were working the event. They asked all their friends from school and the gymnastics club to come help them play the spooky characters on the trail."

"Oh, nice. What spooky thing were you?"

"I was too young to volunteer, so, instead, I, uh, actually ended up test-walking the trail with Damian."

"Ugh! The demon kid?!"

"He's not that bad."

"Did he try to stab you again?"

"….maybe. Not really. A mechanical pencil doesn't count."

Steph scoffed. "Like I said: spawn of the devil. I'm surprised they didn't want to use him as cast; he'd be a natural!"

"Steph, give him a break. He's only, like, ten and he had a messed up childhood, okay? He's getting better."

"Uh huh...but am I gonna find pencil lead lodged under your skin anywhere if I go looking?"

Tim grimaced and tried not to look at the dark smudge on his arm. "…He will get better. Just give him time."

"Okayyyyy, so moving on: how was it? Did you get scared? Pfft. I can't imagine the little demon baby did."

"No, Damian actually spooked a couple of times, though he tried to play it off as being 'horrified that the performances were so abysmal'; his words, not mine."

"Sounds about right. What about you, shy guy? You get spooked?"

"I mean, those woods are pretty eerie at night and it was definitely creepy having people jump out at us, but I wouldn't say any part of it scared me, per se."

"Mmmmm. So having your two major crushes jump out at you in sexy costumes didn't spook you even a little?"

Tim's face heated. "Well, uh, I mean… they weren't sexy costumes per se…"

"Okay, spill it, Timbo. What were they wearing? Did they try to scare you? What did you say to them?"

"Well, um, Dick was a werewolf and he, uh, I guess tried to jump scare us?"

"…"

Tim sighed and sat up on the bed. "He waited until we walked past, jumped out right behind us, and then growled in our faces when we turned around. He made Damian jump, at least. Except...then Damian jumped behind me and kind of pushed me into him, and Dick stepped on my foot then said, in the softest voice imaginable, 'oh, sorry', so, like...I wasn't really ‘scared’, I was just kind of, uhhh, flustered, I guess?"

Stephanie slapped what sounded like a table, or maybe her desk, with what had to have been her open palm. Repeatedly. "Ahahaha, oh my god, that is perfect!"

"Gee, thanks, Steph," he replied dryly.

"No, I mean, at least he talked to you right?"

"I mean if you can count getting stepped on and whispered at?"

"He got up close and personal with you!"

Tim sighed and shook his head. "Yeah, sure."

"Okay, okay, then what about Jason?" Steph asks excitedly. "What happened with him?"

If Tim's face had been hot before, now it was on fire. "Uhhh…"

"Oooooo, I sense a story here. Spill it!"

"Well, I mean, he wasn't really that scary. Damian just kind of just rolled his eyes at him and went on ahead, leaving me there."

Steph squealed. "Ooooo, so you got some alone time? So what was he? A ghost? A murderer in a hockey mask?"

"Um. Well. Jason was near the end of the trail, hanging around one of the creeping rose trellises in the Wayne gardens. They set up all these fake flickering candles and hung a ton of these big, long cobwebs from the trellis and then had Jason dress up as a Victorian zombie...or something? He didn't really try to jump out as us or anything. I think he was reading when we walked up? He seemed kinda bored, to be honest.

“And, uh, then my glasses kinda got caught in the cobwebs. Jason pretty much just stood there and watched me try to untangle, while they were still on my face, them for, like, thirty seconds, but it kept getting worse and worse until, finally, he walked up to me, very carefully removed my glasses, untangled them, handed them back and then I pretty much ran away in shame," he finishes lamely, squeezing his eyes closed at the memory.

"Whaaaaaaat?! Did you say anything? What did he say back?"

Tim squinted as he tried to remember something beyond the overwhelming embarrassment. "I think I thanked him, maybe? And then he grunted like a zombie and went back to reading. I felt like such a dork."

Steph laughed again. "Ahahahahahah,Tim, that is just too much. Honey, you felt like a dork because you are a dork. The most adorable dork that has ever lived to dork."

"Why did I call you again? I'm hanging up."

"Timmmmmy, nooooo. You're adorkable and that is what I love about you. If Dick and Jason have any sense, then they'll love it too. You just gotta put yourself out there and talk to them more often!"

"Whatever you say, ex-girlfriend."

Steph snapped her fingers, likely trying to point a finger at him through the phone. "Hey. I'm clearly the most qualified person to be saying this stuff; I know better than anyone how awesome you are."

Tim raised his eyebrows, unseen, but clearly heard in his tone as he replied, "And that’s why we broke up?"

Tim could hear Steph's responding eye roll in her voice. "We only broke up because it turned out I'm not bi like you. One of those 'It's not you, it's me' things, right?"

"Sure."

"Heeeey, don't get all down on yourself, okay? Here, this is what we'll do: Cass Wayne and I were planning to go see that new horror flick next Friday--"

"You hate horror movies. I hate horror movies. They freak us out. That was, like, the one thing we always agreed on."

"Shhhhh, all a part of the plan, Timothy," Steph soothed conspiratorily. "See, you'll ask Jason if he wants to come on a double date with us and Cass will totally push him into it, and then at the movie I'll pretend to be scared and grab onto Cass and you can pretend to be scared and grab Jason's hand!"

Tim barked a laugh. "Pretend? Try actual fear."

"Exactly! We'll actually be scared, so our acting will be totally believable!"

"Do you even hear yourself?"

"Come on, it'll be great. We're thinking we'll do an early show to beat the crowds and do a late dinner afterwards to shrug off the lingering creep factor. We were planning on going to that diner you like, the one with the double coffee milkshakes, remember? Whaddya say?"

Tim grimaced. "I dunno…"

"Just imagine: cuddling up to Jason Wayne in a dark theater, sharing a shake and fries afterwards. There are two straws, you accidentally mix them up…"

Tim made a sound of disgust at that horrible cliché of an image. "Okay, okay, stop, fine, I'll do it."

Steph cackled. "Yessssss, this is gonna be great." Abruptly her tone went deadly serious. "You should call Jason right now."

Tim froze. "Uhhhhh, right now?"

"Yes, before you chicken out. Actually, I'm gonna hang up and call Cass. We'll call you back in ten minutes and if you still haven't called Jason and asked by then--Cass will know--then I'm gonna make her make him call you."

"Steph, no…"

"Then call him!"

"Okay, okay, I'm hanging up."

"Yay! Okay, you've got five minutes and then I'm siccing Cass on you guys. Good luck!"

"Wait, you said ten! Steph? Steph?!"

A click and then the dial tone was all that could be heard. Tim flopped over onto his pillow and groaned.

"Well, great. Just… great."

[solitarywitchintraining]

Tag, you're it...

I thought this would help me relax before bed. I pass this on to the reader, answer all these question at once or once a day.

1. Are you solitary or in a coven?

Solitary

2. Do you consider yourself Wiccan, Pagan, witch, or other?

Pagan

3. What is your zodiac sign?

Capricorn

4. Do you have a Patron God/dess?

Apollo

5. Do you work with a Pantheon?

Greek

6. Do you use tarot, palmistry, or 
any other kind of divination?

I use Oracle cards, my main deck I've had for years and has artwork by Brian Froud who designed the characters from The Dark Crystal.

7. What are some of your favorite herbs to use in your practice? (if any)

Lavender, Lilac, Rose

8. How would you define your craft?

Divination mostly

9. Do you curse? If not, do you accept others who do?

I have in the past, it takes a lot for me to want to curse someone. I totally accept others, its not my place or right to judge people no matter their path.

10. How long have you been practicing?

20+ years

11. Do you currently or have you ever had any familiars?

Yes to both

12. Do you believe in Karma or
Reincarnation?

I believe in both

13. Do you have a magical name?

Yep, Onyx

14. Are you “out of the broom closet”?

Yes, my sister likes to jokingly call me a "tree hugger"

15. What was the last spell you performed?

A protection spell for a friend's daughter.

16. Would you consider yourself knowledgeable?

I know a lot but I'm always learning.

17. Do you write your own spells?

Yes, I think the intent is stronger if its personal.

18. Do you have a book of shadows?
If so, how is it written and/or set up?

Multiple, I have one for my divination and then another that I just add to over time.

19. Do you worship nature?

Absolutely

20. What is your favorite gemstone?

Labradorite or Garner

21. Do you use feathers, claws, fur, pelt, skeletons/bones, or any other animal body part for magical work?

I haven't but I'm not against it.

22. Do you have an altar?

Yes, its a mahogany library table that is very special to me.

23. What is your preferred element?

Water

24. Do you consider yourself an Alchemist?

No

25. Are you any other type of magical practitioner besides a witch?

I've been told I am.

26. What got you interested in witchcraft?

When I got a set of tarot cards when I was 12.

27. Have you ever performed a spell or ritual with the company of anyone who was not a witch?

Yes, a friend that was interested and asked for my help.

28. Have you ever used ouija?

Yes

29. Do you consider yourself a psychic?

I'm a sensitive

30. Do you have a spirit guide? If so, what is it?

Yes, still learning about them

31. What is something you wish someone had told you when you first started?

That there is no right or wrong way to practice, only your way.

32. Do you celebrate the Sabbats? If so which one is your favorite?

Yes, I love Samhain

33. Would you ever teach witchcraft to your children?

I don't want children

34. Do you meditate?

I have to, I have generalized anxiety and it helps.

35. What is your favorite season?

Fall or Winter

36. What is your favorite type of magick to preform?

Natural

37. How do you incorporate your spirituality into your daily life?

Offering readings to those who need help

38. What is your favorite witchy movie?

Hocus Pocus or The Craft

39. What is your favorite witchy book, both fiction and non-fiction. Why?

Practical Magic because I love how its written. Non-fiction would be the book that came with my cards because it gave the best meditation techniques

40. What is the first spell you ever preformed? Successful or not.

A love spell that went HORRIBLY and COMPLETELY wrong, I did a spell to attract a type of guy I thought I needed and learned that I was wrong.

41. What’s the craziest witchcraft-related thing that’s happened to you?

Accidentally outing a friend while doing a reading. I just kept harping on the fact that he had a big secret and that he needed to open up.

42. What is your favourite type of candle to use?

Lilac

43. What is your favorite witchy tool?

Fire

44. Do you or have you ever made your own witchy tools?

No

45. Have you ever worked with any magical creatures such as the fea or spirits?

Yes, my cards are Fea based.

46. Do you practice color magic?

Yep

47. Do you or have you ever had a witchy teacher or mentor of any kind?

I had someone come along and try to shape me into what she thought I should be. It didnt work

48. What is your preferred way of shopping for witchcraft supplies?

Second hand store

49. Do you believe in predestination or fate?

Nope, your choices effect your ending WAY to much.

50. What do you do to reconnect when you are feeling out of touch with your practice?

Mediation and music

51. Have you ever had any supernatural experiences?

MANY

52. What is your biggest witchy pet peeve?

People trying to tell others that their practice is wrong or that it won't work because "blah blah blah". They limit themselves way to much and underestimate their own power.

53. Do you like incense? If so what’s your favorite scent?

Yes, I love floral scents.

54. Do you keep a dream journal of any kind?

No

55. What has been your biggest witchcraft disaster?

My first spell, it attracted a man that left me a total and complete mess

56. What has been your biggest witchcraft success?

A protection spell I did to create distance between me and my abuser.

57. What in your practice do you do that you may feel silly or embarrassed about?

Nothing really.

58. Do you believe that you can be an atheist, Christian, Muslim or some other faith and still be a witch too?

Absolutely

59. Do you ever feel insecure, unsure or even scared of spell work?

Absolutely, in those moments I take time to meditate, clear my head, and focus myself.

60. Do you ever hold yourself to a standard in your witchcraft that you feel you may never obtain?

I try not to, but we are all our own worst critic.

61. What is something witch related that you want right now?

More altar supplies

62. What is your rune of choice?

Don't work with runes.

63. What is your tarot card of choice?

Death

64. Do you use essential oils? If so what is your favorite?

Yes, love them. I love peppermint and lavender.

65. Have you ever taken any kind of witchcraft or pagan courses?

No

66. Do you wear pagan jewelry in public?

Yep

67. Have you ever been discriminated against because of your faith or being a witch?

Yeah, I've been told I'm going to hell and I've also been told I'm not a real witch because I'm not in a coven.

68. Do you read or subscribe to any pagan magazines?

No

69. Do you think it’s important to know the history of paganism and witchcraft?

Yes, but just because history is important, not because you need to use it as a guide neccesarily

70. What are your favorite things about being a witch?

My connection to nature

71. What are your least favorite things about being a witch?

The judgement within the community

72. Do you listen to any pagan music? If so who is your favorite singer/band?

Absolutely, Stevie Nicks

73. Do you celebrate the Esbbats? If so, how?

No

74. Do you ever work skyclad?

No

75. Do you think witchcraft has improved your life? If so, how?

Yes, I was raised Christian and it made me angry and scared. I'm gay and it instilled so much self hatred, once I found witchcraft I found so much peace.

76. Where do you draw inspiration from for your practice?

My sister.

77. Do you believe in ‘fantasy’ creatures? (Unicorns, fairies, elves, gnomes, ghosts, etc)

Yes, absolutely.

78. What’s your favorite sigil/symbol?

My own

79. Do you use blood magick in your practice? Why or why not?

I have, it depends on what I'm doing

80. Could you ever be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t support your practice?

No

81. In what area or subject would you most like your craft to grow?

My divination

82. What’s your favorite candle scent? Do you use it in your practice?

Lilac or Rose and yes

83. Do you have a pre-ritual ritual? (I.e. Something you do before rituals to prepare yourself for them). If so what is it?

Meditation

84. What real life witch most inspires your practice?

@corinneleigh-blog

85. What is your favorite method of communicating with deity?

Meditation

86. How do you like to organize all your witchy items and ingredients?

Not great at orginization

87. Do you have any witches in your family that you know of?

Yes

88. How have you created your path? What is unique about it?

I'm a solitary witch, I follow my inner voice.

89. Do you feel you have any natural gifts or affinities (premonitions, hearing spirits, etc.) that led you toward the craft? If so what are they?

I'm energy sensitive, I had premonitions as a kid, and I'm empathic. I've seen spirits off and on my whole life, witchcraft definitely helped.

90. Do you believe you can initiate yourself or do you have to be initiated by another witch or coven?

I believe that we all have our own path. I don't think its neccessary to be initiated.

91. When you first started out in your path what was the first thing or things you bought?

My oracle cards.

92. What is the most spiritual or magickal place you’ve been?

Stonehenge, the energy there had me tingling all day.

93. What’s one piece of advice you’d give someone who is searching for their matron and patron deities?

Take your time

94. What techniques do you use to ‘get in the zone’ for meditation?

Guided meditation and music

95. Did visualization come easily to you or did you have to practice at it?

MUCH practice

96. Do you prefer day or night? Why?

Night, it just feels more magical to me.

97. What do you think is the best time and place to do spell work?

When I'm alone.

98. How did you feel when you cast your first circle? Did you stumble or did it go smoothly?

Very calm

99. Do you believe witchcraft gets easier with time and practice?

Yes, but we can all still learn

100. Do you believe in many gods or one God with many faces?

Many gods.

101. Do you eat meat, eggs and dairy?

Yes

102. What is your favorite color and why?

Blue, it just feels rich and magical.

103. What is the one question you get asked most by non-practitioners or non-pagans? How do you usually respond?

Will you give me a reading.

104. Which of your five senses would you say is your strongest?

Smell

105. What is a pagan or witchcraft rule that you preach but don’t practice?

Don't question your inner voice.

[redorblue]

The Terranauts, by T. C. Boyle

There’s this one thing that I always found incredibly annoying about English books, and that German books thankfully don’t have (yet). I hate the bunch of review snippets all over the cover so. much. It screws up the cover design, it can get pretty crowded if the publishing house was really proud of this book, and it tells you absolutely nothing. Same thing on the backside: I’ve seen books that have three lines of quote from inside the book, and six quotes from reviews gushing about it. How is that supposed to help me, or make me buy it? Last time I looked, most people still buy books because they think the story or the setup is intriguing, or because they like the author, not because Person X, Author of YZA, said it’s a “triumph of the imagination”. German books don’t do that. German books have the author and the name of the book on the cover, nicely integrated into the cover art, and a synopsis and maybe a short quote on the back. Orderly. Informative. Very German, probably.

But I digress. The reason I got into this was my most recent read, The Terranauts, and not only did I find it terrible, I also have no idea which book those reviewers from the Guardian, the Times etc. read - I find it hard to believe it was the same I did. So let’s try something else and use those incredibly unhelpful literary critics to structure what I did not like about this book.

1. “Excruciatingly funny” - Times Literary Supplement

This one is the easiest: I have no idea what they are talking about. If this book was so funny, it wouldn’t have been too much to expect to laugh at least once, right? Well, I didn’t. I also didn’t chuckle, snort, giggle, smile or even lift one corner of my mouth in amusement. Because in my not so humble opinion, this book is not funny. Unless I’m supposed to laugh about this one guy lusting after whichever woman has the longest legs in the room, about this woman who falls for him nonetheless and keeps lying to herself about his shittiness, or her so-called “best friend” who takes a trip to Mexico and promptly gets diarrhea. Yeah, very funny. Not everybody has the same sense of humour and all that, but I think someone who can laugh about such things has a rather questionable one.

2. “Lord of the Flies meets Hunger Games” -  The Times

With this one I at least get why they came to that conclusion. The story is the fictional continuation of a real-life experiment conducted some time in the 90s where eight people - four men, four women - were locked into a glass dome with a self-sustaining ecosystem inside, and basically told to see how many were still walking after two years. The first, real group broke closure (= was interrupted) after a few months because of a medical emergency, which is why the fictional second group is all the more fanatic determined to not open the airlock for the full two years, whatever happens. While they’re in there farming and supposedly conducting scientific experiments (although you never learn what it is exactly they’re testing, so if you want hard science, stay away), they get media coverage from all over the US (about what, one might ask... Must have been one hell of a silly season to send reports about people milking goats... Checking humidity... catching fish... Unheard of, right?).

So yeah, I can see where that one came from: a bunch of people locked in together at close quarters, becoming increasingly hateful towards each other = Lord of the Flies. Doing it all for the media coverage, completely with donations and the participants as celebrities and merchandise = The Hunger Games. Never mind that neither the characters from Lord of the Flies nor the candidates in the Hunger Games were there willingly, whereas in this book going under the glass with seven people you already can’t stand before you even go in, slowly starving yourself, slowly asphyxiating in the winter months, without pay or plan what to do afterwards, is somehow presented as being incredibly desirable (Really, the only lucid part this book has is when the characters call this enterprise a cult, or deny it being a cult - hey, at least they said the word, and self-denial is a serious Thing among all the characters). But okay, if you say so. The thing is, in my opinions it falls short in both comparisons.

I have to admit, I’ve never read Lord of the Flies, only watched the movie, and you shouldn’t judge a book by its adaptation. But I remember that (besides the survival part) it’s about group dynamics, how groups organize under pressure, how new leaders establish new orders, and the violence that ensues. Now I’m definitely not one of those people who need a body count to enjoy a book, but this one, I have to admit, was too... tame? for me to be credible. The highest tensions ever rose was a fistfight between two characters after almost two years of being locked in, when they were half starved already and there was barely any oxygen left in the air. Sure, the rest of the time they were constantly badmouthing each other, and venomous when they had to talk about something - but really, that’s your climax, your crisis? I already mentioned that most of the crew members didn’t like each other to begin with, and of course that didn’t get better over the course of the book, but it feels a bit lame to have your characters constantly emphasize how much they hate each other (and one even threatening to kill anyone who jeopardizes the mission! Talk about a Chekov’s gun that just... never went off I guess?), and then presenting a few punches as The Worst It Can Get. Let alone not resolving anything after they finally get out. Most of the crew just disappear into thin air, which is fitting because they weren’t much more than thin air with a name tag during the entire book, and the POVs just... get on with their lives I guess. The ending really feels a bit like the author just ran out of pages, and not in the good, open-ending kind of way. There is no resolution, no discernible character arc, no epiphany, nothing. It just ends. So take this as a vivid example of how structuring does NOT work.

As for the comparison with The Hunger Games... First of all, there’s the same problem of being too tame. The Hunger Games works partly (!!) because it’s suspenseful, what with fighting and hunting and figuring stuff out and action scenes in general. The Terranauts doesn’t have anything of the sort: no secret plots to unveil, no rivals to kill (and the moral dilemma that comes with it), very little, very drawn out struggle for survival... Again, I don’t need any of this to like a book, I can do without action, but it’s the Times that made the comparison, and I’m sorry but I think The Terranauts falls short. By a mile or so. Another thing that made The Hunger Games so interesting is the role the media plays: How the games are basically just entertainment for the rich, how public images are constructed and why, how public opinion and public sentiment is influenced etc. The Hunger Games were honest about how it’s all “just” for show. The Terranauts, however, tried to keep up its pretense of being oh so scientific, while the only thing that ever gets any screentime is not experiments or hard facts, but photo ops and interviews and presentations. Which would be fine if the book ever properly dealt with the fact that it was all just a huge media stunt. But it doesn’t, it never talks about the implications of the experiment being a big, expensive reality show, it never grants its characters a moment of epiphany or a personal crisis with regards to their sacrifices not being for science and the survival of the human race, but for money and money alone. The closest the characters ever get to realizing this and instrumentalizing it is when some of them threaten the CEO to talk to the press, but none of them ever go through with it (and there’s no reason why they wouldn’t besides this ominous cult mentality thing, because some of them have been treated really badly). Not even the crew member whose responsibility is PR management ever really tries to create a public image of himself that he can use to get what he wants and influence public opinion to the disadvantage of disliked crew mates or some such. It all feels very half-baked, and that from an author who’s famous for writing real adult novels. Talk about how naive and shallow YA novels are.

3. “Heartbreakingly human” - The Guardian

God... I hope not. I think not. If this set of characters is supposed to provide us with a sample of human experiences and emotions, then it’s really time to pack my bags and go be a hermit somewhere. Also, everyone is white, with the exception of one Asian person, who coincidentally is also the only woman who is consistently described as being fat and plain and kinky-haired (fat and kinky-haired being used as decidedly denigrating terms here - god this book has so many issues). And a terrible person, but that’s true for everyone. There are two minor characters who seem to be alright, the crew physician and the crew leader, but every non-POV character is basically just walking cardboard with maybe one or two traits each (for some reason I absolutely can’t fathom, bitchy, scheming and promiscuous come to mind for every single female character). Besides that there are three POVs: one man inside, one woman inside, and one woman outside (the Asian one). They all have some common character traits: they’re hateful, spiteful, lying, scheming, unreflected, self-serving, egocentric assholes. But besides those lovely common traits, they have some others that make them loathsome in their very own way, and I can’t shake the feeling that the author took a lot of inspiration from some nasty gender stereotypes. (warning: from here on it gets spoilery)

Let’s start with the guy, Ramsay. He’s sex-obsessed in a way that he can’t form any coherent thought as soon as a pair of shapely legs and boobs with a woman attached enters the room. He’s incapable of fidelity, love, loyalty and commitment, although he constantly claims otherwise. Let me give you a few examples of his awfulness: After he breaks up with one of his crewmates (after maybe forcing himself on her? It’s not made clear. How can that not be clear.), he constantly complains how ugly and old and generally repulsive she is. That’s the only thing he has to say about her. He then starts an affair with another crewmate, and when she becomes pregnant, he blames it all on her for deceiving him and being irrational because she didn’t want to screw up her body with artificial hormones every day which apparently is to be expected from every woman. He then pressures her to have an abortion. She refuses, and he constantly thinks about how gross she is the further the pregnancy progresses. After the baby is born, he doesn’t help her whatsoever, and first chance he gets, he takes off on her although he has promised her otherwise. To top it all off, he restarts his affair with a woman from the outside crew about whom we only learn that she’s a snake with nice legs, while he’s still married to the mother of his child. I don’t think I need to add anything to that. The amount of misogyny, sexism, and patriarchal stereotypes about men as mindless sex machines (plus the corresponding view on women) all compressed into one character is baffling.

For the women there’s a bit more variation, but it doesn’t get any less nasty. Woman No. 1, Dawn, is the long-legged, full-breasted redhead beauty who gets one of the few spots inside the experiment and takes over responsibility for growing food in the fields and tending to the farmyard animals. She then gets together with Ramsay, gets pregnant and decides to carry the child against all common sense, considering that the experiment can barely produce enough calories for eight people, let alone nine, and is definitely not able to provide for the special needs of a pregnant woman or a newborn child. After Dawn’s two years are officially over, she refuses to leave the glass dome and decides to stay inside because she feels so close to nature inside, or something like that. Notice the symbolism at work here? The stereotype presented here is that of Mother Earth, fertile, providing, one with nature itself. It’s quite fitting that Dawn’s nickname, chosen by her fellow participants, is Eos (which literally means dawn). Both her names fit very well into this whole mantra that the organizers of the experiment have: to start anew, create a better world, one that sustains itself and doesn’t exploit resources but is fertile enough to to live independently (which, I’m sorry, is just not true. They rely on the local power plant to keep their ideal environment stable, they receive knowledge from the outside world, and after the two years the dome is in need of a thorough restocking because the crew killed all the farm animals and ate all the seed stocks because they were hungry.) Dawn is the archetypal woman, the one who nourishes others and gives life, is loving, beautiful and monogamous, but she also displays some negative traits that have been historically associated with women: She’s naive to the point that she doesn’t notice any negative feelings Ramsay has towards her; she’s self absorbed, like when she decides to go through with the pregnancy at the risk of the others starving; and she’s emotional in a way that’s constantly pointed out to be annoying and exaggerated (they call it weepy).

The other female POV, Linda, is presented as her foil. She’s also the only PoC character, which makes her negative portrayal doubly problematic, especially since she seems to stand in for two ethnicities: Asian (because of her Korean ancestry) and black (because of her kinky hair). We keep being told that Linda and Dawn are best friends, but there’s really no evidence in the text to support that since they’re constantly bitter, false and patronizing towards the other, in their thoughts and in their actions. Also, they mainly seem to talk about the men in their lives with each other, with Dawn as the one who has a way with men and Linda as the jealous, Fat Ugly Friend^TM. So yeah, great portrayal of a friendship between two women, since obviously men is the only thing we ever talk and care about. But besides being presented as an overall terrible person - false, needy, deceiving, the archetypal snake to Dawn’s Eve* - Linda herself also constantly emphasizes that she’s overweight and not conventionally attractive, which in her interior monologue tied together with her lack of success with men - and her race. The only valid point this book makes is that it damages your career and possibly your romantic chances, especially as the only PoC in an all-white environment. But since this point is filtered through the perspective of a character whose interior monologue is filled with constant nagging and delusions, it’s incredibly easy not to take it seriously and dismiss it as another figment of Linda’s imagination. This may not be racist in and of itself, although it definitely comes across as mocking racial awareness, but it sure starts to look like the real thing once you take all the negative comments into account that Linda makes about all her physical features that make her distinctly non-white. It also ties neatly into yet another issue this book has: body-shaming. Surprisingly (or not), this also mainly concerns the female characters and is filtered almost exclusively through the way men react to them. I got so, so tired reading about how Linda, the fat and ugly one, tries to get men to sleep with her (unsuccessfully, unless they are old and gross), while the thin, pretty women like Dawn have an entire parade of admirers (and successful careers). Also notice how personality doesn’t play any role at all in both women’s romantic success? That’s because women’s personalities don’t matter, simple as that. And it’s probably better that way, since they’re all naive and clingy or dishonest and needy anyway - in addition to being mean, which is something all characters in this book share.

The thing is, with books like this one that are just horrible with regards to sexism, racism, body-shaming and a whole host of other things, I always wonder how that happened. I don’t want to condemn the authors for all those things without having read some of their other books (which I generally don’t, because I value my time) or doing a thorough check on them (which I generally don’t do either, because I’m lazy. But I can’t help but ask myself whether these are the author’s actual views. Other options would include a critique of these issues gone wrong, or a misguided attempt to induce some historical accuracy, or ignorance. The problem is that I’m pretty sure I can exclude said other options. Historical accuracy in this case is not necessary since the book is set in the 1990s, not in the middle ages. Ignorance is a pretty weak excuse by itself, and one issue may slip under your (and your editor’s) radar, but so many...? The author of this book is a white guy, so he’s probably wearing privilege lenses, but still. Lastly, a critique would necessitate at least some attempt to contradict the views you have your characters expressing, either through the narrative or - even better - through a character themselves. I know that, and I’m a twenty-something amateur reader who sometimes tries her hand at literary critique. An author (and editor) who has been in the business for so long should definitely know that, and also how to work said critique into the story so that a casual reader would catch it. Which leaves us with option No. 1. And the reason why I regret having spent money on one of TC Boyle’s books, and why his name is another entry on my list of authors never to be read again.

*An afterthought that I’m too lazy to work in somewhere else: There is so much religious imagery in this book. It starts with the nicknames many characters in this book get, like God the Creator, Jesus, Judas, Eos etc., and culminates with this whole Garden of Eden theme that surrounds the experiment. Like with the cult thing, the book isn’t even shy to call itself out on it, but if this is not a prime example of lampshading, then I don’t know what is.

[kegisaroused]

The Last Jedi

I have a lot of thoughts. A lot of them are not good. Thoughts are under the cut in no particular order. Probably a little rambling/incomplete maybe I’ll write something more put together later IDK

MAJOR HUGE SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY

Okay so first, stuff I actually liked:

-Luke seeing the two suns in his last moments. One of the few moments with Luke’s character that didn’t feel totally off. 

-Luke handing Leia the bauble from the falcon and the old love theme stabbing me right through the goddamn heart.

-Finn and Poe having very few actual interactions and still managing to be gay as hell.

-I love the Porgs and the Crait foxes fuck all y’all. 

-I also liked Rose a lot and would love to see her actually get better character development. Her tasering Finn was fantastic.

-Rose and Finn’s little side jaunt has me so torn because despite it being totally out of place and gimmicky it also had some of the better character interactions/development in the whole movie? Not that that’s saying much

-Luke basically trying to get Rey to leave by purposefully being as much of a creepy old weirdo as possible. 

-R2 playing Leia’s original message. MY HEART.

-Laura Dern ramming the cruiser into the First Order at hyperspeed was really fucking cool. 

-Yoda being Yoda (when he WAS Yoda, but that’s for the next section)

-Leia using the force FOR ONCE (though the how was real stupid, but again... next section)

-Rey being happy to see Finn having a bond with Rose and smiling at it rather than being jealous or something stupid like that.

-Rey NOT giving Kylo another chance at the end. Like... mmkay buddy I tried but you made the wrong choice I’m shutting the door in your face now BYE.

-That said, I was really afraid of the stuff between Rey and Kylo because the shippers with spoilers had been making it seem like the romance angle was REALLY played up but... it wasn’t? At all? Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t shut down that angle but the nature of their connection felt ambiguous. The music cues did not indicate a romance, and Snoke straight up SAYS that Kylo’s conflict and draw to Rey was something he was putting into his head so that he’d bring Rey to him. I also feel like Daisy and Adams acting choices were emphatically NOT hinting at a romantic dynamic. I was afraid the shirtless scene was gonna be some sort of awkward flustered Rey and instead it was her just being genuinely annoyed like STFU and put a fucking shirt on.

Now... on to THE BAD:

-The pacing. HOOOOLY HELL THE PACING. This movie was paced so badly. It felt simultaneously like it went on forever, but also moved so fast there was never breathing room. It felt manic and confused. Also the whole movie seems to take place over the course of like... a day. 

-EVERYONE was out of character at least half the time. Everyone either pulled shit that didn’t make sense for them to drive the plot or they completely rolled back their character development to rehash shit. TFA already dealt with Finn needing to stop running from his problems, why is he immediately trying to run away again? His attempted heroic sacrifice at the end would have been a good character moment... if we hadn’t already HAD that moment in the last movie. Poe was reduced to the “reckless hothead” archetype and not only had to learn a lesson that not only didn’t make sense for him, but he had to learn it twice. In the same movie. 

-The CGI gimmicks. It was treading pretty damn far into prequel territory with the unnecessary CGI animals where practical effects would have not only sufficed but felt much more organic. 

-I’m so happy they finally let Leia use the force but her floating herself back into the ship was SO STUPID LOOKING. I wanted to laugh and I am 100% sure that was not the intent. Carrie Fisher did not die for this. 

-Fake Luke at the end was stupid because it was immediately obvious. He was digitally edited to look younger, he was using a lightsaber that WE JUST SAW GET DESTROYED instead of the lightsaber he actually HAS, it was just... dumb. 

-Speaking of dumb: Luke’s entire motivation was stupid and made absolutely zero sense if you know anything about Luke Skywalker. You’re talking about the only person in the galaxy who believed Darth Vader could be redeemed. Like... that’s literally the WHOLE POINT OF HIS STORY IN THE ORIGINAL TRILOGY. You’re gonna have me believe that Luke Fucking Skywalker was so easily scared by the dark side that he (even for a SECOND) contemplated killing a teenager? No, no, no fuck right off with that shit. If anything it should have been REY who thought Kylo was an irredeemable monster and Luke convincing her to give him a chance. Even if in the end he throws away that chance. You can still make the point of “maybe not everyone can be saved” without committing character assassination on Luke. Like what the hell even was that.

-The dialogue was so clunky a lot of the time. Yoda for example: there were moments where he was perfect (him smacking Luke in the face and being like YEP FUCK IT BURN THE TREE WHO NEEDS IT were very in character actions) but a lot of his dialogue felt like someone doing a bad Yoda impression (important note: I’m referring here to his actual written lines, not the voice acting). Also his puppet was really weird looking I don’t know why but it did not look right at all. 

-Some of the jokes also felt very forced and unnecessary. Star Wars needs levity, but the tonal balance was just off and there were a lot of jokes that felt very shoved into scenes that did not need jokes.

-I didn’t buy the Finn/Rose romance. I don’t actually have a problem with that ship at all. Finn/Poe is obviously my preference but lets be real I’m not holding my breath and I’d be 100% fine if Finn/Rose is where they went. But it wasn’t developed at all? They had a couple bonding moments yeah and were definitely becoming good friends, but not nearly enough to make me believe THEY’RE IN LURVE. It was like they somehow thought her sacrifice couldn’t be meaningful if it was just about saving a friend instead of saving GUY I WANNA MACK ON which is kinda bullshit. 

-There was a continuous trend of showing HEY LOOK WE HAVE FEMALE CHARACTERS. LOOK AT ALL THESE LADY PILOTS AND GUNNERS only to kill them off immediately. Paige’s death I didn’t overly have a problem with as there was at least a reason and a point to it with her being Rose’s sister, and she was given a moment to shine and a heroic sacrifice at least, but with all the background characters it felt like they were so determined to be all LOOK WE HAVE GIRLS that we saw more girls die than guys.

-Also are Poe’s whole squad from the last movie just supposed to be dead now? Like... they got their own comic and everything and are fairly popular side characters. Are you really going to just say they’re all dead? 

-The fight choreography was really lacking. Luke fighting Kylo at the end could have been so cool but it was 90% stupid CGI and just felt silly. Especially comparing it to the Rey and Kylo (I refuse to type their names with a slash because seriously MISS ME WITH THAT SHIT) fight from the end of TFA which was so well done and just... ugh. Also Finn’s fight with Phasma was very anticlimactic and she was so underused.

-Finn and Rose’s side trip was completely pointless. Which is annoying because like I mentioned before it had some of the better character moments in a character-less movie, but it was literally pointless. I get that they wanted to set up some sort moral ambiguity or juxtaposition (OOOH THE ARMS DEALERS SELL TO BOTH SIDES SO IT’S A GREY AREA. OOOH THE POOR PEOPLE AND THE ANIMALS SUFFER FOR RICH PEOPLE’S ENTERTAINMENT. AM I DOING THIS RIGHT? IS THIS HEAVY HANDED ENOUGH?), but even if they had their hearts set on doing that (despite not needing to at all) there are a million other ways they could have done it without completely derailing the plot. Especially since in the end the plan didn’t even WORK an actually made things worse because if they never brought the stupid slicer on board the original plan would have worked and most of the resistance would have gotten away just fine. The slicer character himself was pointless and one dimensional.

-What is the First Order doing? They made sense in TFA because they were a fringe group who had been laying low and underselling their strength while they prepared to attack and overthrow the New Republic. But what are they doing now? Did they seize control and establish a new capital planet? Did they install a new governing body since they literally KILLED ALL OF THEM? What is their end goal? What is their motivation? There’s nothing there and there needs to be. 

-Why on god’s green earth didn’t Laura Dern just TELL POE THE PLAN? Why was she being needlessly cryptic and withholding? She wasn’t protecting anyone by withholding information and was actually making herself look really bad and incompetant for no reason? She didn’t even say she HAD a plan. It was so stupid and made no sense.

-Which leads me to a larger overall problem: the characters were not driving the story, the story was driving the characters. The characters did things because they had to to make the plot happen, rather than the plot happening because the characters did what they would naturally do. As a result almost all the characters felt incredibly stiff and there was pretty much no meaningful character development. 

-The movie wrote its self into a corner. I get that they wanted to push it into a more unsure ending ESB type situation but they went too far. The rebellion was in an unsteady place at the end of ESB but they still had, you know... a fleet? More than 10 people? They were also extremely inconsistent scene to scene with the number of resistance fighters left alive. They act like they’ve got almost nobody left, but then they have enough people to man the trenches on Crait? And a lot of those people clearly escaped back into the base but then when they’re escaping to the Falcon there’s like 5 of them? Am I supposed to believe that the 8 year old Rose gave a ring too is the savior of the resistance? None of it seemed to be done with any forethought to the future of the story.

-Where the hell is the rest of the Galaxy? I’ve never watched a Star Wars film that felt so isolated. Even with Rose and Finn’s B plot the galaxy felt empty and unpopulated. 

Overall the whole thing felt like a bunch of unfinished thoughts slapped together into a story without a proper narrating structure. The whole movie seemed confused about where it was going and what it was doing.

I’m hoping JJ Abrams can reel it back in with Episode 9 because it’s really gonna upset me if TFA was a fluke and the rest of this is just gonna be Prequel Trilogy 2.0

[baekhoneyed]

tagged by @kokokysoo for one of those “get to know me” memes! (under the cut cuz its so long)

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people (idk how many people ill end up tagging and dont feel obligated!!)

THE LAST:

1. Drink: water but like i think my flatmates put vodka in the ice cube trays so?? not sure exactly how much is accidentally Not Water

2. Phone Call: uhhhhh a study abroad program advisor

3. Text Message: my older brother tryna convince me that i’ll make friends eventually lmao

4. Song you listened to: i actually stopped writing this to grab a sweater but then TT came on and i instinctively dance to it now so that happened

5. Time you cried: almost last night but like... not enough feelings to actually cry yet just wait

6. Dated someone twice: never even dated someone once, bro...

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: i never regret giving my dog kisses but sometimes my cat swipes at me :/

8. Been cheated on: gotta have a boyfriend first to get cheated on

9. Lost someone special: yup

10. Been depressed: only since i was 12 years old  l m f a o

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i hate puking so i never go past being tipsy

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. red!

13. millennial pink fight me

14. rose gold fight me again

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yyyes but i sure would like to make some more Here, at my Current University

16. Fallen out of love: mmm not Love but definitely Like? i stopped Liking someone who i had a crush on

17. Laughed until you cried: so frequently it’s worrisome

18. Found out someone was talking about you: um did u mean middle and high school? i was such a petty bitch tho i put em in their places after crying in my room alone lmfao

19. Met someone who changed you: yes yes yes! dallon is the first who comes to mind he’s... no words

20. Found out who your friends are: ummm i dont know?

21. Kissed someone on your facebook list: ...my mom??? lmao

GENERAL:

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them except a few who ive just added bc we’re all transfer students to the same university this year and im Desperate

23. Do you have any pets: yes!! 2 cats, Harry and Kai (shut up ok i’ve always liked that syllable in chinese) and one dog, Lady my perfect cuddle angel baby

24. Do you want to change your name: honestly... sometimes yeah? but only because it’s so boring when it’s translated into chinese/korean so maybe i’d just change my names in those languages idk

25. What did you do for your last birthday: probably just went out to dinner w/ my family, but when i got back to my old college my friends and i went to a store in Queens it was such a good day...

26. What time did you wake up: like... noon probably lmao #depression

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: rewatching exo next door and gettin emotional over ksoo

28. Name something you can not wait for: THE POWER OF MUSIC BITCH LESS THAN 12 HOURS NOW

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: a couple weeks ago when she and my dad helped me move in to my apartment

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish i didnt have fucking depression! anxiety is easy to deal with for me but depression isnt

31. What are you listening to right now: walk on memories

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i have a 2nd cousin named Tom he’s like 50 years old

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: ......so much

34. Most visited website: netflix/facebook/tumblr

35. Mole/s: one on my back, one on my neck, one under my left boob... i think that’s it

36. Mark/s: mostly bruises on my shins bc im clumsy; also some shaving scars from like 3+ years ago (one of em bled for 4 days while i was in china!)

37. Childhood dream: typical american kid stuff like ballerina and movie star

38. Hair color: medium brown i guess? it used to be lighter but it’s been getting darker as i get older

39. Long or short hair: i just cut it short again so it’s just touching my shoulders when dry (it’s wavy-curly so it’s a bit longer than that in reality)

40. Do you have a crush on someone: yeah can i have uhhhhhhhh byun baekhyun? no one irl tho

41. What do you like about yourself: ive got a great complexion that has really calmed down in the past few years! and i love my eyes ive got gorgeous eyes and a nice smile and a cute body and ive been doin self-love the past year can u tell?

42. Piercings: just regular ear piercings that i only got... a year ago...

43. Blood type: i never remember but maybe O? whichever one is the most common i think idk tho

44. Nickname: lulu is a nickname, ummm ive had a few friends call me em or ems which is cute

45. Relationship status: chronically single and repulsive to the male population, perhaps?

46. Zodiac: sun in pisces/leo rising (fun fact when i was little a kid asked me my sign so i said pisces and he called me fish poop so i cried) (he was probably a gemini the fuckin asshole), year of the tiger

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favorite tv show: pushing daisies, 30 rock, scrubs, grey’s anatomy but only up til the 8th season then it’s bad

49. Tattoos: i actually almost got one a few weeks ago but then i lost my job :/ i wanted to get “je ne regrette rien” tattooed on my hip bone real small

50. Right or left handed: right - i used to be able to write pretty well with my left hand but alas...

51. Surgery: yyyup wisdom teeth removal, eyelid surgery to get rid of some bumpy things, broken arm when i was like 1.5 years old, and im getting lasik next summer probably

52. Piercing: ya already asked ya doofus

53. Sport: my dad made me play basketball in middle school i got 2 technical fouls bc i had anger issues so i stopped playing basketball. i got Decent at ballet tho!

54. Vacation: we havent really had the money lately

55. Pair of trainers: i just bought 2 new pairs bc i ruined my only pair in seoul and had to throw them out (they got soaked in the rain and then mildewed n all) (side note: they’re so expensive?? the adidas and nike were as expensive as the new balance which is Silly so i just bought adidas and nike)

MORE GENERAL:

56. Eating: nothing rn but i need to go get dinner...

57. Drinking: did we not already go over this

58. I’m about to go: either to the dining hall or to a nearby restaurant im honestly not sure 

59. Waiting for: exo to move in next door to me only to discover that one of them is my childhood best friend-slash-first love and another has fallen in love with me and my clumsy but lovable personality :)

60. Want: byun baekhyun (im kidding kind of, um i want to make friends here and be less anxious about my classes and life in general)

61. Get married: yeah one day but so far no one i’ve met is Vibing with that seeing as no one will even ask me out im not Super Hopeful :/

62. Career: chinese major/korean minor at a university um hopefully after i graduate someone will hire me and give me money to do something i dont completely hate but we’ll see

WHICH IS BETTER:

63. Hugs or kisses: i literally would not know so i will say Hugs because they’re the only things ive experienced! and i could use a really long hug rn

64. Lips or eyes: ...eyes... but lips r important too cuz i cant even look at a photo of amy schumer anymore w/out staring at her terrifying lips

65. Shorter or taller: taller but someone around my height would be ok too (.....im just sayin im like the same height as bbh...)

66. Older or younger: older bc im not about to go dating a freshman or a high schooler lmfao

67. Nice arms or nice stomach: arrrrrrrrms

68. Hookup or relationship: never had either but i think i’d prefer a stable relationship to some extent?? we just dont know

69. Troublemaker or hesitant: im a troublemaker when im comfortable w/ people/places but other than that hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:

70. Kissed a stranger: no

71. Drank hard liquor: yeah it’s nasty :/ but it does the trick

72. Lost glasses/contact lenses: somehow no

73. Turned someone down: ya this one guy hit on me when i was walking thru myeongdong but he was a) a stranger b) 25 years old c) from egypt so like it was never gonna happen buddy

74: Sex on the first date: gonna need a first date before i can even answer (the answer would be no i am not down w/ that) 

75. Broken someone’s heart: probably not, ill dont think im capable of doing that plus im still so young that realistically it just hasnt been a possibility

76. Had your heart broken: not really, my silly crushes have all been resolved easily bc i never talk about them and then i notice things i dont like about the person and stop liking them like that

77. Been arrested: no but a friend of mine got arrested for trespassing on a roof in nyc last year lmao

78: Cried when someone died: yeah

79. Fallen for a friend: sort of? briefly? it never went anywhere it was silly

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

80. Yourself: i try to most days but it’s rough

81: Miracles: i mean im not a non-believer but i also don’t actively wait for them to happen or really put much stock in them

82. Love at first sight: im not sure because bbh hasnt seen me yet so how would we know??

83. Santa Claus: not anymore i think when i was 8 i sorta stopped

84. Kiss on the first date: never even had a first date or a first kiss ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

85. Angels: um yeah actually! proof they exist - byun baekhyun do kyungsoo kim jongdae kim jongin the list goes on,,

OTHER:

90. Current best friends: dallon, lilli, ida, stephanie, aria!

91: Eye color: light green. i have Gorgeous eyes!!!

92: Favorite movie: a taiwanese movie called Secret, i rly liked ksoo’s movie Hyung, Chicago the Musical... there are more but im drawing a blank

i guess ill tag... no one but if ur reading this and u wanna do it feel free to say i tagged u! i love learning about u guys it makes me feel less alone