#the short version: it's just in my head that I can't understand people now!

[running-in-the-dark]

well. that was. something.

I saw a different doctor at the ENT practice that I usually go to (I had to reschedule the appointment a couple months ago so I guess they scheduled me with this other guy). and he was just... the absolute worst, most condescending asshole doctor I've ever seen! wow! what an achievement! I want to punch him in the face and break his jaw so he can never talk again :)

I've got an appointment with a new therapist tomorrow....

it doesn't really matter, she doesn't have any free spots currently or in the foreseeable future, but I'm still really nervous about it. I've been to six therapists, and of those three were absolutely awful (two were great - one of those became my therapist for like 5 years, and the last one was just very overwhelmed with what I told her lol). so I'm hoping this appointment won't be as bad as the previous bad ones 😬

[lxkeee]

TWO SIDES OF THE SAME COIN

-PART NINE

Pairing: Lucifer Morningstar x Seraphim Angel! Fem! Reader

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel

Genre: Angst (for now)

Warnings: family trauma/lore

Notes: TSOTSC finally reached 20k words, yippee!

PART ONE | PART EIGHT | PART TEN | NAVIGATION

Azrael looked at the female angel beside him, noticing the lovestruck expression on the girl's face. He looked at her with a deadpanned expression, lips pressed together in a thin line.

Azrael's deep black eyes followed her line of sight, landing on a light blond haired short male angel with rosy spots on his cheeks, Lucifer. Azrael grimaced, watching as Lucifer talked with Michael, Lucifer's twin brother.

Azrael can hear a satisfied sigh left [Y/n]'s lips, Azrael still doesn't know why the girl is so lovestruck with the guy. Lucifer's curiosity is a looming threat, everyone in the high council of angels can feel it but they can't do anything about it as the said angel hasn't done anything yet.

Azrael sighs, grabbing the cloud pillow off the couch so he could sit beside her, the cushioned seat sinking as he sat down. He nudges her, catching her attention.

“I still don't understand what you see on that guy.” he deadpans at her and [Y/n] rolls her eyes at the taller male.

“Do you want me to take out my 50 slide presentation again on why I like him so much?” [Y/n] asked with a raised eyebrow and Azrael flinched, raising his hands in defeat.

“No, thank you.” He mumbled, shuddering as he remembers the time she presented those slides to him, which he still didn't understand why she liked the boy so much. He was zoned out during all of the presentation.

Azrael sighs, chest heavy and tight. He doesn't understand why. The thought of his best friend getting married to someone else hurt for some reason.

“Make sure you won't regret it, you're getting married to him soon.” He deadpans and [Y/n] just laughed, “I won't. He won't do anything to hurt me.” she said confidently.

Azrael rolls his eyes playfully, “You seem confident with that statement.”

[Y/n] scoffs playfully, “Because I know him.”

“Do you really know him?” Azrael retorts back, raising an eyebrow at her. [Y/n] flinches slightly, Azrael is right. She's still 25 years old and so is Lucifer, they're both very young. They still have lots to learn about each other.

It doesn't matter, Lucifer loves her and she loves him back. They have an entire eternity to know each other.

With a long exhale, she turned to look at Azrael, “Maybe I may not know him entirely but I will be able to.”

Azrael just sighs, shaking his head, “Whatever you say [n/n], but if he does something... Don't tell me I didn't tell you so.” he chuckled and [Y/n] rolls her eyes playfully at him, nudging Azrael playfully.

“Hey, I know him. He's my best friend and we've known each other the moment we existed.”

Azrael scoffs playfully at her words, “Who knows? People change.” he says, crossing his arms over his chest. [Y/n] avoided his gaze and turned to look back at Lucifer who seems to notice her.

Lucifer gave her a wink and a charming smile, sending her a kiss to her way causing for her to blush and giggle.

Azrael rolled his eyes at the scene.

“They do and I hope he changes to become a better version of himself.”

After getting married to Lucifer, life felt good. Lucifer treated her so well, bringing her flowers everyday, giving her affections in every chance he gets.

Everything was fine until God created the first ever humans, [Y/n] knows how much of a curious man Lucifer is, naturally, he went out to observe them.

It created cracks in their relationship.

Lucifer began to go home later than usual, occasionally forgetting to give her affections.

And their topics—his topics have now shifted to God's newly created creature, a woman named Lilith.

[Y/n] had to endure the pain and heartache as she listens to her husband talk so fondly about the woman, complimenting Lilith in every possible chance he gets.

But nevertheless, [Y/n] remained to have confidence in him. Choosing to trust him, he is her husband after all. They've been together for many eons, she knows him.

Does she?

No, she doesn't.

Especially on what she's currently witnessing, [Y/n] hid between a large tree in the garden of Eden. She had the urge to check up on Lucifer, her instinct was screaming for her to do so.

Her nails are buried in the bark of the tree, ichor flows out of her fingertips as she tries to prevent a sob from escaping her lips. The wooden sensation of the wood against her fingertips, the stinging pain of the scratched skin of the tips of her fingers is what she felt.

With the additional sensation of the aching feeling that came from where her heart lies.

Warmth slid down her cheeks, bringing her gold covered fingertips to feel her skin.

Tears, the tears never seem to stop running down her beautiful yet sorrowful face.

Her eyes locked on to her husband, Lucifer—who looked at Lilith with so much affection in his eyes as he held the woman's hand.

‘Why... Why is he looking at her like how he used to look at me...?’

[Y/n] asked herself repeatedly in her mind. Each word got louder and louder on her mind, and each time she did, pain became more apparent to her internal voice as she asked herself in anguish.

‘Move... I need to leave... Move [Y/n]!’ she cried to herself, her mind screaming for her to leave. To save herself from even more heartbreak.

Yet, she remained still. Eyes fixed on the two.

Her hands slapped over her mouth to prevent sobs from escaping her plump and soft lips, eyelashes fluttering and glistening with tears. Warm sunlight filtering through the strands of her eyelashes, making the redness around her eyes more prominent.

Dull [e/c] eyes blankly staring at the two—her husband and a different woman.

Despite its dullness, her eyes were filled with anguish.

Tired, dull, and swollen.

No longer bright, hopeful, and happy. It's now filled with sorrow, and unimaginable heartache. Something an angel like her shouldn't feel. Yet, Lucifer Morningstar made that possible.

[Y/n] watches as her husband caresses Lilith's face, so affectionately.

Something she didn't experience from him lately.

“You're so beautiful.”

She heard him mutter to Lilith with a voice that carried so much emotion, it was enough to shatter her heart to tiny million pieces.

Finally gathering enough strength, she finally released herself from where she stood. Finally allowing herself to move, flying away swiftly and discreetly.

A single feather was what was left of where she once stood.

She arrived at her shared home with Lucifer, quickly locking herself inside their bedroom.

Her body slouches against the door as she slowly slides down to the floor.

Painful sobs left her lips, shoulders shaking as she buried her face into her hands.

‘No, no, no, no, no... I must be seeing things... Lucifer can't just fall in love with someone that easy...’ she laughs to herself, voice cracking and trembling as she did so.

Shaking her head as she desperately tries to make herself believe her own words.

“This must be a misunderstanding, that's right... I'll ask him when... When he comes back...”

She says to herself, voice lowering to almost a whisper.

‘That is... If he comes home...’

She thought sadly, supporting her shoulder on to her knees, burying her face into her arms. Strands of her hair falling off to the side of her face,  framing the heartbreaking picture of the face that belongs to a heartbroken angel.

‘He can't just... Leave me like that... He can't just break our vows.’

She thought to herself, her hands rubbing her sides for comfort.

She only has herself to comfort herself, her husband isn't here after all.

“When he comes back, the two of us will have a proper and mature conversation... I hope.” she says to herself weakly, picking herself up from the floor. Knees tremble from the weight of her emotions, chest filled with pain and heartache. She can barely breathe, she wonders if she was still breathing.

She felt like a walking corpse.

Wiping her eyes with the sleeves of her dress, the soft material of her dress providing comfort to her swollen and aching eyes.

She dragged herself across the room, finally approaching the full length mirror just by their closet.

She can see how much of a mess she is. Eye bags underneath her eyes, tear streaks evident on her cheeks, her hair a mess. Pale skin and chapped lips from severe dehydration from how much she cried.

‘Is that me...?’ She asked herself, finally processing what she's seeing, finally coming to the realization that the figure in the mirror is her own reflection.

She can barely recognize herself, she doesn't look like that. She doesn't remember looking so tired and so... Sad and pathetic.

‘This wouldn't do, I don't want Lucifer to see me like this..’ she thought to herself sadly, the face of Lilith flashing in her mind.

Lilith, the first ever human woman. Of course, someone as beautiful as her would be someone Lucifer would fancy.

[Y/n] couldn't help but compare herself to the woman. Lilith has bright and blemish pale skin, hers were a sickly kind of pale.

Lilith has bright and hopeful eyes, hers are dull and sad.

Lilith has a beautiful and blemish free face, hers are tired and dark bags are underneath her eyes.

[Y/n] shakes her head, getting rid of the negative thoughts that filled her mind.

“Stop that, Lucifer loved you just the way you are.” she says to herself, yet doubt was evident in her voice.

‘Loved. That's right, he probably doesn't love me anymore.’

She shakes her head once more, ‘Stop that, he hasn't told us that yet... So I shouldn't say something like that...’

‘I'll just clean myself first, make myself presentable. In case he ever comes home.’

She says to herself, dragging herself to the bathroom to freshen up.

He never came home that day.

She lies on their shared bed, coming to that realization as the clock finally hit one in the morning. The bed was cold and lonely, the warmth that was usually beside her isn't present.

Closing her eyes, allowing the tears to glide down her pale cheeks, the tears staining the pillowcase of her pillow.

Past memories flash on her mind, memories of where Lucifer and her were still happy and in love.

“You are my best friend, the love of my life... I am so lucky to be called yours.” Lucifer says to her, kissing her forehead.

They were still teens in love, young and stupid but in love.

“You are so cheesy, stop saying cheesy things you're making me flustered.” she giggles as he twirls her around, bits of the clouds around them fluttering due to their movements.

Lucifer giggles, dipping her effortlessly and presses his forehead against his, “But it's my job to make you flustered, darling.”

She giggles, pink dusting her cheeks, “I love you, Lucifer.”

“I love you too, darling.”

She cried herself to sleep that night.

She sat on the couch of their living room, the early sunlight filtering through the large windows of their home, giving their home some warmth. The warmth makes her forget the coldness of her skin and the numbness of her heart.

Her head whipped to the sound of the door being opened, lo and behold, her husband finally came home.

Her eyebrows furrowed, eye twitching. She was aching to snap at him but she took a deep breath and calmed herself down.

“Lucifer, where have you been?” she asked softly, voice cracking and trembling in each syllable.

Lucifer flinches, jumping slightly from surprise. He was surprised to hear his wife's voice. He didn't expect her to be awake so early in the morning.

He gave her a nervous smile, “Darling, why are you awake so early?” he asked, [Y/n] just continuously tapped her feet against the marble tiles.

“Enough of that, I know you have been spending time with that human.” she says softly and Lucifer's eyes widened, avoiding his wife's eyes because of guilt.

“It's part of my job, love—”

“Stop lying to me, Lucifer Morningstar.” she snaps, eyes glaring at him, “I didn't know telling her that she's beautiful is part of the job? Might I also include... Caressing her face? Was that part of the job? Tell me, Lucifer...”

“Are you tired of me...?” she asked softly, and Lucifer's eyes saddened.

“No, no, no... I can never be tired of you...” he says softly, he's unsure if he's lying to himself or not. But he desperately tries to believe that he's not tired of her. Yes, he still loves her... Right?

He doesn't know the answer to that.

“Then why...?! Why are you spending the majority of your time with her?!” she screamed, her voice filled with anguish as she grips her hair. She swore she ripped some strands but she's too much in pain to care.

Lucifer's eyes widened, surprised by her outburst.

“Because I'm trying to make her feel better because Adam hasn't been good to her and I hope you can find it in your heart to care for her just a little.” he says softly, remembering the things Lilith told him, how Adam was mean to her.

[Y/n]'s eye twitch, the nerve. Why would she care about her?

“Why would I care about her?!” she asked angrily, and Lucifer frowned, “Because I care about her.” he says honestly, annoyance evident in his voice.

“Morning, noon, and night I care about her, yet you cannot spare a single sympathy for her.”

[Y/n] was taken aback, the first time sensing such hostility from him. Her husband defending another woman when all she ever asked from him is his time, some time for her.

“I'm just asking why you're spending so much time with her! I am your wife, Lucifer... I need you too!” She exclaimed, her voice cracking in anguish, “You're barely home anymore and it's getting unbearably lonely in our house, I missed you so, so much... Please.. I need you.”

“For heaven's sake, [Y/n]... Lilith just existed and she's scared and confused and Adam is also not treating her right! She needs someone.” He sighs, blue eyes looking at tired [e/c] ones, he would've asked for her forgiveness for his tone, but he was blind with the sense of duty towards Lilith. He couldn't think straight. Neither of them can.

“So stop being selfish, I'll come back when you have cleared your head, okay...?” he says softly yet a tinge of sharpness in his voice, turning around to leave, his heels clicking against the marbled tiles in each step he took.

The sound of the door clicking as he closed it brought her back to reality.

Her legs gave out as she fell into the cold hard marble floor, kneeling like heaven's first ever sinner. Her sin? Falling in love with heaven's most beautiful angel.

Blinking, she tries to process what just happened.

She and Lucifer just had their very first fight, and she doesn't know how to process it.

‘Azrael was right, I really don't know him at all.’

She thought to herself sadly, wiping her tears with her wrist before a broken sob escaped her lips once more.

She was left alone crying to herself in an empty, cold, and lonely house.

Days passed by, both Lucifer and [Y/n] were ignoring each other, unsure how to approach the other.

[Y/n] remained unmoving in their bed, all alone and cold. It's been so long since she last took care of herself.

“I feel so tired and weak... Heaven's... I feel like I'm about to pass out.” she murmured weakly, turning around to look at the empty spot of her shared bed with Lucifer, to see the said man to be nowhere in sight. He hasn't been home for a few days now.

‘I am so tired... Maybe I should rest for a bit...’ she thought, her eyesight blurring from the lack of sleep, she kept waiting for Lucifer's return but the man was nowhere in sight.

She sighs sadly, her eyes drooping without notice.

She passed out.

She doesn't know how long she was asleep but the moment she woke up she was in Azrael's house, the man told her that she was asleep for days.

And also told her about the fall of both Lucifer and Lilith.

She still couldn't wrap her head around it, refusing to believe it.

Azrael sighs, taking a seat at the edge of the bed of where she was lying down.

“It's true, he and Lilith gave the apple to Eve... I'm afraid work is going to get much harder now that evil exists.” he spoke softly, eyes saddened as he looked at the downcast female.

He's wondering if this is the right time to tell her...

“And another thing... [Y/n]...?” he calls out softly to her, she looks at him with not a single light on her eyes.

“What is it...?”

“You're pregnant.” he says softly, [y/n]'s eyes widened.

“What...?”

[Y/n] gasped loudly as she sat up on the bed, her head whipping around to look at her surroundings.

She's back in her room, weren't she in hell before?

Her breathing was uneven, placing a hand over her chest to calm her fast beating heart.

‘Why now...? Why did the memory have to come back now...?’

Tears were cascading down her cheeks, pitiful sobs leaving her lips.

“Mom...?” a soft male voice calls out, the door to the room opening, the head of Xavier peeking through the small opening.

The boy's eyes widened when he saw his mother crying on her bed.

“MOM...?! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?! ARE YOU HURT SOMEWHERE?!” he asked, immediately rushing to his mother's side, kneeling beside the bed.

[Y/n] shakes her head slowly, “I'm alright, I just got a bad dream...” she admitted softly, small hiccups leaving her lips.

Xavier's [e/c] eyes softened, grabbing a clean handkerchief from his breast pocket that he hasn't used yet, using it to wipe his mother's tears away.

“Do you wanna talk about it...?” he asked softly, his hands gently dabbing the soft cloth on [y/n]'s face, making sure to dry her tear stricken face.

“A little bit...” she says softly, smiling gently towards her son. Her eyes saddened even more, Xavier really looked like Lucifer.

“That's alright, don't pressure yourself mom.” Xavier spoke softly, standing up so he could sit at the side of the bed, leaning down to give a kiss on his mother's forehead.

She nodded and took a deep breath, “I dreamt... About your father.” she says softly and avoids her son's eyes.

Xavier's eyes widened, his shoulders dropping but decided not to speak and allowed his mother to talk.

“I dreamt of the past, how happy me and him were used to and now... I don't even know anymore.” she laughs bitterly.

Xavier's hand clenched slightly before relaxing, “It's not your fault mom...”

“I know.”

Xavier sighs softly, “Mom...?” he calls out softly to her, [Y/n] hummed.

“I think we need to talk about him now, it's a long overdue topic.” he says softly to her and she flinches but sighs.

He's right, she's been avoiding this topic for so many eons. It's time to talk about it.

She sighs softly, “You're right... I think we should.” and Xavier smiled, proud of her. He always has been.

[Y/n] remained seated on her bed, thumbs playing with each other. Xavier has already left to do his usual routine around the house.

Their conversation about Lucifer has already ended, she told him everything about what happened. Told him why she loves him so much and what he did to hurt her.

She told him how she and Lucifer were together for how many years before marrying each other, she told him the things that he did that made her love him.

And she just can't let go of her feelings for someone that she loved for so many eons. It's not that easy.

Even after all these years, she can't forget.

[Y/n] sighs softly, her hair cascading down to her face, framing the shape of her face perfectly. She turned her head to the side to look at the window, she could see the large backyard forest-like garden.

Knock, knock, knock.

Her head whipped in the direction of the knock, she turned to look at the door to see Michael standing and leaning against the door frame lazily.

Her eyes widened ever so slightly, “Michael... What are you doing here??” she asked softly and Michael sighed as he entered the room and closed the door behind him.

“I came as I heard what happened, are you alright?” he asked worriedly, taking a seat at the edge of the bed. [Y/n] smiled and nodded, “Yes,I feel slightly a lot better now.”

Michael smiled though, his eyes still held a tinge of worry in them. He sighs, “[Y/n]... Do you want to stop this mission and let someone else do it?” he asked her softly and [Y/n]'s eyes widened.

“I am perfectly capable of doing this, Michael... Don't worry too much about me.” she says softly and Michael sighs once more.

“I'm just worried for you, everyone is.” he says sternly and [Y/n] frowns, “I know but I can assure you that I'm fine with doing this...”

Michael sighs once more, clearly already used to her stubbornness.

“If you say so,” he says softly before looking back at her once more, “—but if it's suddenly too much for you, don't hesitate to tell me okay?” he says sternly to her.

[Y/n] giggles softly, a small smile on her face, “Yes,I'll keep that in mind.”

Michael smiled and gave her a single nod, “You better.”

Michael's eyes widened, snapping his fingers as he seems to remember something, [Y/n] tilted her head at him, confused.

“I just remembered, Gabriel said she was gonna visit later.” he says deadpanning and [Y/n]'s lips tightened into a flat line, she gave Michael a deadpan, “Yay... I can't wait.” she says unenthusiastically.

Michael laughed softly and ruffled her hair, “I'm sure it wouldn't be too bad.”

“She's gonna lecture me again about how men are shit.” she says deadpanning at him as she remembers the times Gabriel kept on lecturing her about how Lucifer was just a man.

“That is so real, love that for her.” Michael says, nodding.

“Michael, you're a man.” [Y/n] says with a small smile while shaking her head with her eyes closed.

“Am I?”

[Y/n] turned to look at Michael... Who's now a woman now. She deadpanned at him, “Really?” She asked sarcastically with a small smile, Michael laughed out loud. His laughs reverberated around the room.

“I think I look gorgeous as one.” he says sassily, flipping his long blond hair behind his back.

[Y/n] giggled and Michael smiled, proud to make her happy.

“You're so silly, try wearing a maid dress next time.” she suggested playfully at him, giving him a wink.

“Don't push your luck.” he says deadpanning at her and she just laughs, holding her hands up in defeat, “Okay, okay... I won't.” she says in-between giggles.

He smiled and ruffled her hair, “Alright, alright... You seem to be feeling much better now,” he says standing up, giving her a small smile, “—I'll head out first, I still have some work that are needed to be finished.” he says with a long sigh.

[Y/n] giggles, “Alright then... Don't push yourself too much okay?” she says softly, her eyes looking at Michael with worry.

“I won't.” he says and she deadpans at him, “I know you're lying.”

“Shush.”

“I'll see you later, [N/n].” he says with a smile, [Y/n] smiled at him, “I'll see you later, Michael.”

“It's Michelle.” he says sassily once more, flipping his long blond hair dramatically making [Y/n] cackle, “Right... Michelle.. lmao.. I'll see you later, Michelle.” she says in-between snickers.

“Laterz girlfriend~” Michael says sassily as he left, transforming back to his male form as he did so.

[Y/n] was left alone in her room, but this time... She was laughing thanks to Michael.

© LXKE 2024; please do not steal, translate, or repost my works as your own.

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[solbaby7]

Take What You Need

pairing: cassian x reader

warnings: just swearing and porn with little plot, prolly a few typos

summary: Stress wears hard on a General's body, so you offer up yours in hopes to provide some much need relief

—

He'd been working so hard.

Forgetting to eat some days and once you'd noticed, you made a point to wake up a bit earlier than normal; a whole hour before he'd stir awake to ensure he had a warm meal and a canteen full of water that you'd ordered be refilled at least twice throughout the day. Cassian always grumbled out some complaint while sleuthing his swords between large wings; hands still wiping sleep from his eyes but he always came home with it empty and a little more life in his cheeks.

"Why not just take a little vacation?" You murmur into his shoulder later than night, his fighting leathers a heap on the ground and Cassian's giant body is pliant in your touch, muscles relaxed from a hot bath and head cushioned by your thighs as your fingers rake through inky hair. "Rhysand wouldn't mind."

"I know but I have too much to do—too little time to get it done. I can't get distracted at a time like this; when Velaris and its people need their safety ensured the most."

It's another version of the same thing he'd always said when you'd ever tried to suggest such a thing but you don't fight it and no anger builds because you know how much this means to him; being able to use his skills to protect his family and his home. "I understand your responsibilities completely; I only worry about the toll they take on you." Your point is easily proven, hands grazing over bare skin and while the hard lines and strong muscle is attractive and jaw dropping, the pained groans that pass full lips makes your heart lurch from the soreness that followed. "When do you get to relax?"

"Whenever you bend over my desk and let me have my way with you."

He means it as a joke—you think. A boyish smirk on manly features, eyes closed in content as you continue your exploration, knuckles grazing the membraneous wings behind him and you'll never grow tired of the goosebumps that litter your skin at the moan that pulls from him. "Okay," You whisper, legs moving below him and he goes to complain, eyes peeling open to make some spoiled little comment about how he hadn't yet given you permission to stop your caring touches but the words never leave his brain. Not when you'd peeled off your—his shirt and tossed it somewhere behind you. "Then have your way with me."

Cassian doesn't answer right away, a little stunned by the breasts displayed perfectly in his line of sight, the dangling little belly ring you'd done yourself with a clean needle and entirely too much time alone. "You're serious?"

"Very." It comes out like a hum, a pleased smile on your face and confidence swells now that you've effectively stunned him to silence with so few words. "You work hard," You explain, eyes actually appreciating the bare skin before you. "I see it and I'm proud of you and if all I can do to help you feel a little better at the end of the day is by being your stress relief—then, I'd be happy to oblige."

He takes no longer to ponder it, rising up and taking in your bare chest like it were the first time all over again. "It's been a rough week, sweet girl." For a second, you think he tells you to fill the silence, to ease you into his fingers hooking into the waistband of your night shorts to slide them down your thighs and over the length of your legs; its dangling over one ankle when he moves on to the next, a low groan emitting when he takes in the bare cunt beneath. "So fucking good to me," Cassian praises and it's when a strong soldiers hands curl around your thighs, fingers gripping at your hips when he drags your ass over the arm of the couch. It's a strain on your back, hips jutted in the air and spine stuck in an arch but you push the mild discomfort aside at how much praise he offers for it. “You just always know exactly what I need.”

The position does little protect you from the ravenous assault of Cassian’s mouth that lowers down against your cunt; lips smacking kisses and tongue darting out to explore until your legs were searching for purchase—something to hold onto or maybe to push against to feel more of his mouth or push it off, you can’t tell but the pleasure is addicting.

Weeks and weeks of your fingers that could never quite compare to Cassian’s; digits thick and skilled when they coat themselves in your arousal and shove it back inside. Every filthy moan encourages him, positive reinforcement fueling his ego more than a million compliments on his physical appearance and he doesn’t slow down until you’re dripping between your legs and struggling for breath. “You sure you can handle it?”

“I have many times before unless something here has changed.”

He chuckles at your smart mouth, the snarky response second nature and he probably would’ve let it go if he wasn’t so high on the dominance—the way you were so quick to offer up your body to him and lay at his mercy while he fucked off the stresses of his job. His heart clenches at the huge display of trust, hands gentle after working an orgasm from you; slick fingers grazing over the soft curve under your breasts. You expect him to linger there; to stick to his usual routine and work as many hickeys onto the malleable flesh until there was no space left to mark but it doesn’t happen.

Just one kiss is pressed to the center of your chest, ears a cutely aware of the boxers dropping to the floor and the throbbing cock burning between your thighs when he smiles down at you with a look you can’t place. "Remember something for me, yeah?"

You nod, words escaping you as you try and fail to figure out that glint in hazel eyes darkened by blown pupils. He's slow about it at first; intentional in the way he teases you with the weeping head of his cock and it takes everything in you not to squirm against the bruising grip on your hips. "I love you."

Your brows furrow at the sentiment, ready to return it either way when it becomes clear why Cassian was being so sweet—so kind and eager to give you pleasure before taking his own because something curls in your stomach when you watch the way he braces himself. Certain he can hear the way you swallow thickly, you glance up at him, voice hesitant. “Cass—“

He cuts you off with a gentle shush, almost placating as he watches where the two of you begin to join and the thick stretch of his head is barely inside before he’s talking again. “You said you wanted to help, right? Help baby, be a good girl and take me.”

It’s easy to give him what he wants when you go boneless in his grasp, each excruciatingly perfect inch of his cock fucking into you like you were as insubordinate and stubborn as his recruits. If it weren’t for the unwavering grip on your hips, the sheer weight behind his thrusts alone would’ve been enough to push you clean off the couch.

It would’ve been a mercy—a reprieve from the brutal pace spurred by your words and there’s nothing you can do but take him, moans spilling and eyes squeezing shut as every single nerve ending felt like it was being electrocuted over and over and over again.

The love shows in his words even when he fucks like he hates you, cock unbelievably deep from this position and the sound of your pussy slurping up his girth is obscene. It couldn’t get any better; watching the hard lines fade to relief, nothing but unrestrained pleasure screwed up on golden skin and your eyes flutter shut when a hand slides up to your throat. “Too good to me,” His voice catches and you know he’s close but there’s something comforting about the fingers loosely gripped around your neck. “—don’t deserve you for a second.”

You’re trying to tell him that it’s not true—that he deserves more than you could ever scrounge up but the words don’t come because Cassian is and he’s spilling such sweet words out even though his fingerprints are bruised into the skin of your hips and you’re certain there’s no way you’re going to be doing much else but sleeping anytime soon. It doesn’t matter, not when his seed is so warm inside and his face finally looks calm as he watches it spill out of you. “Cass—“

“I know you’re tired baby,” The hand around your throat shifts into gentle knuckles dragging slow lines against your cheek; a sweet gesture meant to distract while his other hand stroked around a quickly growing cock. “—but I’m not quite finished yet.”

[kit-williams]

Yandere Magnus, Fulgrim, Corvux, Khan and Mortarion... please?

So uh I'm probably going to look at some of my earlier Yandere Primarchs (and Abbadon and the Emps) and redo them just so that everyone gets a small blurb

@bispecsual @egrets-not-regrets @moodymisty @bleedingichorhearts @liar-anubiass-blog

@thevoidscreams @barn-anon @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan @squishyowl @ms--lobotomy

@nekotaetae @sleepyfan-blog

Yandere Magnus: I've mentioned somewhere that Yandere Magnus is a less intense version of a Yandere Emperor. He will still use the same tricks as his father no doubt. Shapeshifting into something alluring and pleasing to you... using his psychic gifts to find out everything about you. How you came into his notice... it could have been the most mundane thing you accidentally brushing up against him when delving into the immaterium if you are a psyker... if you are not perhaps it was just a thought you held onto tightly that just danced on by his gaze and he followed it back to it's source.

Regardless of who you are or how you caught his attention... he's looking now he's now interested! You might not have been in the dating market because things weren't going your way and the stress of trying to eek out a living was stressful enough. But soon enough things go your way and you feel like you might try to date again... and then suddenly this handsome man seems to waltz into your life... you're certain you saw him in a dream.

It practically makes your head swim with how much he knows and understands you! Fights seem to fizzle out as you've hardly met someone willing to talk through arguments like him... just everything feels so dizzingly perfect so perfect you can't help but feel blindsided when the ruse is up but by that point it's too late... but it was already far too late as you had sealed your fate with that first smile that reached your eyes as he gazed into what he considered a beautiful mind.

Yandere Fulgrim: Depend son when he is acting like a yandere... under the influence of the Leer blade is the most likely time he would indulge in those feelings he's been bottling up; that or he's always been one and each of his wives were each a darling. Fulgrim is going to try to slip a collar around your neck and hold that leash tightly so you can't leave him all while he just sweet talks you into submitting to him. All his wives had similar features to your own... they all held passion in their hobbies something you've only been able to recently indulge... You're going to LEAVE him just like they LEFT him! It wasn't fair! Why did you all have such horrifyingly short lives!

How DARE YOU! How dare they all wrap his hearts up with kisses and love and adoration holding it in their hands and EACH AND EVERYTIME THEY DIED IT DROPPED. His heart shattering every time his wives died. He swore off marrying again! But you oh his beautiful rose... he was willing to make an exception for you. Perhaps he didn't need to tie the knot in that way again he was a Primarch he could easily seduce you and just have you as his paramour... but that felt so beneath him... and unfair to you. People talk oh how they would TALK about how you would be nothing more then his fucktoy if all he did was use you for sex.

Fulgrim clenched his jaw as it was unfair you had such short blazingly BRIGHT lives. He considered killing you and preserving you so that you would never leave him. But then there would be no more smiles from you... no more soft laughs... no longer giving him the look as he gently explained things to you... you were odd...Fulgrim liked odd. Normal was overrated anyway... He could feel himself getting worked up more and more into a manic state.

Till your voice pierced the haze and he smiled at you as his mind was rolling... watching your lips move with each syllable you clearly spoke... his eyes flicked to the plain robes... those no longer would do... he'd dress you up in the prettiest of dresses and jewels like a perfect doll. "I might need to update your outfit my dear." He interrupts whatever banal thing you were telling him, "Won't you allow me to see how pretty I can make you look." He says stalking closer... oh yes he liked you... oblivious to his intentions... just the way he liked.

Yandere Corvus: He stalks as his primary method of getting close... he yearns and he silently pines for you to look at him with the same gentle looks as you give your friends and family. But the shadows are his friend and it comes less and less of yours... as you feel like you're going crazy... you feel like someone has been following you... like you're always being watched. Perhaps you shouldn't have fed those birds but its not the feeling of being watched that is driving you mad.

You can feel it in the dark... that someone else is there in the shadows... running hands over your body no matter how tightly you pull your blanket close to you at night. You feel fleeting touches in your hair, strands catching on something but there is nothing there to catch your hair... the worse one is the feeling of kisses on your skin. The whisper of your name sometimes it feels like something is trying to get your attention... other times you hear it moaned.

You even dared to get yourself checked out to see if you were a psyker but no you were not which you feel is much worse. You feel things start to slip through your fingers as you feel like you're going crazy... till you wake up one night to see something over your bed. The scream dies in your throat as you just feel so afraid to make a noise as lips ghost over your cheek "Shhh relax" is all he whispers before you pass out afraid. And unfortunately for you... you'll wake up somewhere new.

Yandere Khan: The Khan is hard to yandere because he's so normal... he's funny, he's polite, he's a bit of an ass as well, but he's also ruthless. But perhaps that's what makes him something that his brothers probably aren't... he's a successful yandere. He's successful in keeping his darling in the dark... successful in keeping his darling close all while in the background and out of sight his perversions are played out.

He holds you so tightly when he wants to be affectionate... the way he at times can drown you in affection that it's almost too much but the primarch tells you that he can't help it as his hearts get so full that he has to just show you how much he loves you. Other poetic motions that can easily hide the red flags that speed on past your eyes.

Yandere Mortarion: Sickly sweet until you try to pull away and then his selfish side comes out and you will be like a rabbit caught in a wire trap where the wire squeezes your neck tighter and tighter. Of course most of what he grows will be used to make chemical weapons but you can't help but be enamored with the beauty of the deadly garden. Though perhaps the caretaker of this deadly garden is enamored by you. He wants something nice... something soft... something sweet... and he starts off with giving gifts. He's not blind to mortals customs of courtship having more often then not been the companion that would listen to his friends, Calas mostly, tirades of not knowing what they were doing wrong and yet somehow it was himself that could point out the obvious.

It was the fact he wasn't to the standards of his fellows; apparently he was intimidating... he was ethereal... just what he would learn that there was apparently being far too attractive for your own good... at least for him on Barbaras; he knew he was skin and bones. But he liked to give you gifts from his garden... the wreaths he would weave of flowers that spoke of the depths of his love for you... how he would treasure and cherish you... how he wouldn't let you go... toxic flowers woven in as this was all done in the Barbarasian flower language. As sometimes his mind would fixate and he would realize a whole wreath was of one type of flower practically screaming out his feelings in that moment. Though he did his best to weave sentences but sometimes just he got stuck on how much he felt. Other wreathes he did not send were of all toxic and poisonous flowers... speaking of dark promises of rejected love and should another try to court you.

You were such a sweet and curious thing... smart as well but far too curious for your own good. It was really far too easy for him to lure you close with pretty flowers. Lure you in like a predatory plant... you were far too pretty to be some common insect far more like a mouse... prey too big for many to think to be caught by a plant. And yet you're lured in close with eyes wide open... and the jaws snap shut around the prey as you reciprocate with your own gift.

Just don't try to pull away... lest the vines start to suffocate.

[respectthepetty]

The Loyal Pin - Episode 9

I love that this episode started with one color-coded brother being so happy after a night of partying.

And the other one losing his color because he is internally freaking out trying to convince himself that Anin basically had sex with her best friend on the lawn for everyone and God to see because she was drunk. Keep telling yourself that lie, dear brother. I used that excuse in college too. Alcohol just makes people gay . . . er. Sure, Jan.

But we all know Anin is sexing up her girlfriend, SOBER, so now it's time for a color-coded beach trip, so TV can lie to us again that sex in the sand is romantic and not torturous. However, the skin is awfully soft after rolling around it in for a bit, so I guess beach sex has its perks beyond, you know, it being sex.

But the heteros do not understand the queer agenda and immediately start wrecking Pink Person Pin and Blue Beauty Anin's beach sex plans.

However, Ueangfah is color-coded yellow, and Pranot is in shorts, so even though it's looking bad for the lesbians, the bisexuals are thriving, and the bisexuals are ME!

Shesus Christ! Nevermind, nobody is doing well now that Kuea has shown up IN BLUE! This is actually why I stopped writing this recap because I was livid when I saw this mediocre man wearing Anin's color. The audacity of a cis hetero man will never stop amazing me. It's cool that he picked up that Pin likes her love interest in blue but he missed one important factor in that equation. HE NEEDS TO BE A GIRL! All that money, yet he can't buy a damn clue.

Yet the girls are still trying to Live, Laugh, and Love under these terrible color-coded conditions!

But Aon is playing these color-coded games too in order to get Anin's attention and wearing versions of pink and purple throughout the trip. Basically the love rivals are waging a strategic color-coded war, and if I wasn't so pissed off at them, I'd be really proud of the wardrobe department for acing this assignment and earning its paycheck.

But I AM pissed because these rivals are doing the most to get in between the ladies and make color-coded fetch happen when IT'S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN, GRETCHEN!

One of them even decides to go as far as DROWNING to get attention! This is like the extreme version of "instigating a fight so his hands can be on you" but because we are dealing with lesbians it's "drowning in the beach trip so her lips can be on you." And I know she didn't do it on purpose, but the structural sexism in this scene with all the men refusing to give her CPR because it wasn't proper is why feminism is for EVERYONE! There is nothing inherently sexual about lips touching lips, yet even when SAVING A LIFE, everyone made that shit sexual (INCLUDING PIN!) and I'm looking at a show set in the 50s (60s?) and feeling like it's about 2024, so now I'm pissed about it.

And this is how I know Aon is not showing her true colors because unlike everyone else who has a consistent color, she is flip flopping like those fish she almost drowned with in the water.

But it doesn't matter because now that Aon is out of commission, the girls can get a moment together to try to make beach sex happen. Spoiler: It doesn't happen because Pia is not about that "Be Gay, Do Crime" life (fun fact: public sex on a beach is illegal in most places, like Thailand).

Which means the beach sex is on hold AGAIN because the color-coded brothers must make sure they throw a party (which Pranot does not plan and it's probably why everyone hates it!), and it also means that the love rivals are at it again with the color-coded shenanigans starting with Aon, in purple.

And now Kuea enters in blue.

But my sunshine Ueangfah is looking hella fine and doing her best to bring a smile to Anin's face who is pressed that Pink Person Pin is dancing with Kuea even though it was her own color-coded brother WHO IS A PRINCE that keeps forcing Pin to do this little song-and-dance, literally. I'm gonna grab my girl Ueangfah and head out because she deserves better and by 'better,' I mean me.

Pranot is judging this entire shitshow safely from his seat because 1) he did not plan any of this so this is not his shitshow, and 2) unlike these other men, he knows better than to get in the way of lesbians and beach sex, so he makes sure to keep his ass seated and not ask none of them to dance instead opting to down this awful wine that he knows damn well does not pair well with the food. He is a king among peasants.

But because of the hard work of Prik and Pia, the real VIPs here, the color-coded girls in love finally get beach sex!

AND A PROPOSAL! A sand version of the pink sasa bunny that Anin gave Pin with A 💗 P on it holds the ring that will forever tie Anin to Pin's heart (and will cause them a lot of problems, but those are tomorrow's problem, not today's).

The girls' skin is soft (from beach sex). They are glowing (from beach sex). And they are practically engaged! All is well and they can now live happily ever after.

That is until this Blue Bastard pops back up.

He instantly clocks the ring on Pin's finger and instead of minding his own business, he apparently will make it everyone's problem because the man is determined to marry a lesbian who doesn't love him nor want him, and I am once again standing in front of y'all screaming that feminism benefits everyone including men who think they need a wife to be complete.

Pia and Prik pick up what I'm dropping off, and are backing up their girl in this battle for Pin's hand as they wear blue . . . and orange . . .

And this is where some of y'all really lost your minds because Anin wore yellow thinking it might have been connected to my babygirl Ueangfah, but have no fear because I offered a Wild Ass Theory way back in the second episode.

As the color-coded girls in love age and inherit more adult responsibilities, I think they will incorporate another color.

And those colors are the ones that belong to their mothers.

The girls have been living in a nice little bubble in Pine Palace, but Anin is a princess and Pin is not, so the expectations for their positions in life are coming at them quicker than they want to believe. Pin's mom has mentioned several times that both girls must marry, and Anin's brothers have made similar comments, so even though the girls are growing closer, I think harsh reality is already sneaking into their plans and the colors might be telling us that.

So I think the girls need to be careful or they will turn into the mothers, and because I think Pin's mom is a lesbian who vowed to be the perfect woman rather than love someone else after status tore her and her girlfriend apart, the truth might be closer than I realize, and her color-coded story is similar to the girls in more way than one.

But the colors could all be meaningless, and I could just be crazy. Who knows, you know?

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook: Why Not 🔞

In which Jungkook has you figured out. Dirty humor, mean and bratty- you're pretty much simply a bitch. So why are you crying over some scraped up knees and a dirty plushy?

Tags/Warnings: non-Idol AU, enemies to lovers, reader acts like she could kill but is actually a cinnamon roll, Jungkook just simply is a cinnamon roll, adult themes, fluff, romance, short!reader go cry about it, smut but very low-carb (handjob, cum in pants oops), slight DDLG-aspects/themes? Soft daddy/dom vibes from kook?

Length: longer than JKs Dick career

Additional Content: How So (Part 2)

A/N: have to post it shortened bc the longer version breaks the app :) have some fluff comfort after all that angst psycho shit I posted.

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It's not like Jungkook hates you. He really, honestly, doesn't.

In fact, he admires how honest you are, in a way. You seem comfortable with yourself, which shows in a healthy amount of confidence, no thought wasted on what people might think of your outfit or makeup. You're very expressive and creative, and you always work out solutions whenever everyone else would suggest simply giving up.

You're just.. too bold for him. He's not really interested in most things you discuss- which is often something lewd- and he also doesn't really share any interests with you. You're a miss know-it-all, you get dramatic if you don't get your way, and you manipulate people around you to even out your road ahead. You make demeaning jokes about yourself and you always put yourself down in a comedic manner- and he just doesn't like that. Even so, he still never casts you out, or ignores you. It's odd, because whenever you have one on one interactions, he can't help but feel like you're not the same as with others around. Just like right now.

You're currently all eating at a sushi place - you're sitting across from him, cleavage dangerously exposed, but he's got no right to be offended by it. In a way, he admires the way you seem to be so comfortable. But he can't help but notice the way you keep adjusting your top all the time, tugging and pulling constantly.

If it's making you so fidgety, why wear it? It irritates him a bit. He'll never understand why most girls choose fashion over comfort.

Your best friend Namjoon had told him before that you're actually not like this at all. That you're a great friend, caring and gentle and actually very fragile, and even a little shy and quiet when no one's around - however, Jungkook believes that's just your best friend trying to make you look good. You're totally fine the way you are - you're just too much for him personally. There's nothing wrong with that.

Just because he might not enjoy your personality, doesn't mean you have to change it.

But he doesn't question it, continues to eat and listen in on conversations, laughing along jokes and funny stories. He likes the energy of this. It's unforced, comfortable, easy. He's just about to continue eating, when he notices the glance you throw at his plate, something you've done a couple of times now, seemingly thinking about something, before looking away again, engaging in the conversation as if to distract yourself. "Do you want a piece?" He asks you as soon as there's a good moment, a bit more quiet as to not interrupt the current topic being discussed at the table.

You look at him, wide-eyed just for a second, before you shake your head. "It's fine. I'll maybe try it next time, though." You tell him with a smile. "Does it taste good?" You wonder, and he can't help but be amused. How come you can make straight-up dick-jokes at the dinner table, but you can't accept his offered food that you clearly got your eyes on?

"I don't know if my taste is the same as yours." He shrugs, watching as you chew on the inside of your lip now. "Let's trade, if that makes you feel better." He offers instead, and at that, you visibly perk up, eagerly putting a piece of yours on his plate to receive his.

You're.. kind of cute like this. Oddly so.

He watches without staring too much as you eat his gifted piece of sushi, clearly enjoying the taste of it as you swing your legs under the table a little. "This is good." You comment, making him nod with a smile before you both pay attention to the conversation again.

He doesn't really think much about the whole interaction afterwards.

It's not like it's anything special.

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"Ah, fuck." Namjoon curses, looking at his phone. "God, fuck. Yoongi I'm so sorry, I forgot I was supposed to drive with Y/N to her doctor's appointment today." He apologizes, making Jungkook look up from his phone.

"Is it something bad?" Yoongi asks, genuinely a bit concerned as Namjoon just seems unsure.

"We don't know, just a routine thing."He replies. "But you never know. And she's a little anxious, too. I wouldn't want her taking the bus or anything alone in that state." He explains, and everyone seems to agree that that's not a good idea. You're well known to not possess the most basic orientation skills sometimes - and with your head all over the place like this, it could just end with you getting hurt.

"What if I drive her real quick?" Jungkook offers casually, looking up from his phone from where he sits on the small sofa in Yoongi's studio. "You both can continue working, and I didn't have anything to do anyways." He shrugs.

"You know what, great idea." Yoongi chimes up.

"I'll.. text her. See if she's okay with that." Namjoon offers with a little hesitance, making Jungkook wonder how serious this appointment really is. Did you have any health troubles you'd been hiding? He's always been told to never judge a book by its cover. Maybe you were just putting on a tough mask to cover up what you thought was weakness?

Jungkook doesn't believe in that. You've always been this way ever since he'd met you.

"She said she's fine with it." Namjoon sighs after a moment, making Jungkook lock his phone and get up. "Here, let me at least bring you down." Namjoon offers, walking out the studio and towards the underground garage where Jungkook has his car parked. "Listen- can you do me a favor?" He wonders, and Jungkook nods.

"Sure." He says, opening the driver's door to throw his wallet into the back together with his jacket. "What is it?"

"Listen, it's a.. gynecologists' appointment." Namjoon says, quietly so, while Jungkook just.. stares, unable to quite grasp on why his friend would say it in a way that makes it seem as if the word is something you can't ever say out loud. So you're going to a specialist. So what? "It's her first time there. She's honestly terrified, so, if you could maybe go in with her and sit in the waiting room? Just, to keep her mind off of things." Namjoon carefully says.

Again, Jungkook just shrugs, before nodding. "Sure, no issue." He says, getting into the car. "I'll text you when she's back home then. You go up and help Yoongi." He says, before putting his phone into the holder, maps app opened to find where you're waiting.

He's a bit confused inside the car. With the way you're always talking, he'd been sure you would've been a regular at those places. Not because he thought you were a whore, God no, but he just believed until now that you'd be someone who's open and casual with it.

So why are you terrified of a simple doctor's visit?

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"You uhm.. really don't have to." You mumble quietly next to him, anxiously playing with your hands in your lap. You've been quiet the entire time, not really talking at all, and especially not looking at him. He's a little worried about that, wondering if you're maybe in pain, or really unwell in general to the point of changing your personality like this. "I know this must be weird for you." You say quietly.

"Not really, no. I went to one of these with my mom once, so its fine." He shrugs next to you, trying to maybe soothe your nerves by showing you that he's not at all weirded out or uncomfortable. To be honest, he's a bit surprised- because right now, the girl sitting next to him, isn't at all the girl he'd thought he had figured out.

However, he also assumes you might just be heavily uncomfortable with your health, which could add to you just behaving like you do right now. "You feeling okay? Should I ask them how long it's gonna be?" He asks, and you just shake your head.

"No, I can wait." You just say, trying hard to appear unbothered now. "Guess I'm just not really looking forward to a fifty-plus year-old digging around where the light doesn't reach, you know?" You attempt to joke as always, but Jungkook can spot the fakeness of it.

"Joon said it's your first time." He says, locking his phone now before putting it away.

"Son of a bitch." You curse under your breath, leaning back in your seat with your arms crossed and legs thrown forwards, heels hitting the floor. You look almost defensive now, as if he'd just insulted you. "Yeah, I didn't need to go until now." You shrug. "But my regular physician keeps bugging me to check some stuff out, and Joon has been bothering me about it too." You say. "Not like he's got anything to do with my vagina for that matter."

"Well, he worries." Jungkook shrugs next to you. "And if you've got health issues, you should always get them checked out for that matter. Could be nothing, could be something. I can understand him." He explains to you. "He cares a lot about you."

"hmhm." You affirm quietly, a bit distant now, staring at the tips of your shoes. "Joon has always been a really good friend." You say, and jungkook nods. Namjoon is the main connection between Jungkook and you- the older guy being somewhat of a brother to him, in a way. He really admired his friend a lot, for his achievements as well as his determination to always better himself. He can't deny that he never really quite understood your friendship with him- with you being so extremely different from him- but he never questioned either. "He's honest." You mumble out, and Jungkook has to agree.

"He is." Jungkook nods, though he feels like there's something more to it. He doesn't get to ask however, because your name is suddenly called- and you jump up, taking a deep breath. "Hey-" Jungkook asks, and you look down to where he sits, as he smiles encouragingly. "-You'll be fine." He promises, and you nod, before disappearing with the nurse into the examination room.

It doesn't take too long for you to emerge back out, a prescription written in front as he gets your coat and walks towards you to the counter. "If it gets any worse, just give us a call, alright?" The nurse asks, and you just quietly nod before you walk out with Jungkook trailing right behind you.

"Everything alright?" He asks, and you nod, though next to him in the car, you run your hands over your face.

"I don't ever wanna go there again." You groan, hands still hiding your face as Jungkook looks at you a bit concerned now.

"Did something happen?" He asks seriously, canceling his action of starting the car.

You take down your hands. "No. It was just.. weird." You say. "The questions were nasty. I don't know." You say quietly, and Jungkook can do nothing but start the car to drive you home. He wishes he could- but at the end of the day, this is something he can't and won't ever really understand fully. He hopes it's just the new experience freaking you out.

Parking in front of your apartment building, you really look a bit terrified now. No longer because of the appointment though- but because of the honestly world-ending rain hitting his car like it's trying to smash it flat into the concrete below. "Its really going hard outside now." Jungkook laughs, but you don't seem to be in a joking manner at all. "If you run you won't get wet."

"I don't want you to drive in this weather." You say meekly, barely able to be heard over the loud rain.

"I'll just wait until it's better." He waves off, looking at you drowned in the orange interior light of his car. You seem to think, before you turn to look at him, eyes reflecting the led lights all around like mirrors. You're really pretty, without all that makeup.

"You can come up? Just, it's cold, and if you leave the car running that's bad for the environment and you're also wasting gas-" you ramble, and he laughs, shutting down the car at that, before grabbing his keys.

"Alright." He shrugs. "If you're cool with that." He asks, and you nod after a moment. He chuckles a bit, before grabbing onto the door handle, still looking at you. "On three?" He asks, and your face lights up in playfulness.

"One?" You start, making him grin.

"Two.." he continues, making you smile as well, before you both pull on the handle.

"Three!"

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Your apartment is everything he did not expect.

"Sorry, it's a bit messy.." you say, taking off your shoes before you slip into the pink slippers close by. The coat hooks on the side of the entrance are cat shaped. The mat where the shoes are put is pink. And from what he can see, everything you have is bright, pastel colored, cute.

Almost innocently so.

You're right and wrong with it being messy, he notices as he walks into the apartment. It's small, but cozy- blankets and round plushies littering the couch close by, kitchen sink containing some dishes you didn't wash or didn't put away yet. It is a bit untidy, but not messy, in his eyes.

It just.. looks like his own apartment. Simply alive.

"Do you.. want tea?" You ask, quietly, and he nods as he walks closer to you in the open kitchen. "I.. have a lot of different flavors so.. just choose one you like." You explain, opening a cabinet that's basically all about tea. Different mugs, mostly animal designs, flower shaped coasters, sugar and many different brands and flavors of tea, boxes a bit unaligned. He pulls out a little baggy of the box that's the most empty, making you smile a bit shyly. "I like that one the most." You admit.

"I assumed. Might as well try it then." He shrugs casually, letting you boil the water while he looks around from his spot. "Your apartment is really nice." He comments.

"Thank you." You answer quietly, pouring the water into the two mugs. "Namjoon sometimes sleeps over because, according to him, my pull-out couch is more comfy than his own bed." You joke, and Jungkook laughs.

"That sounds like him." He nods, accepting the mug before you both walk towards said couch. "Granted, he sleeps on a mattress on the floor though." He tells you.

You laugh. "He's way too much of a cheapskate to buy a bedframe." You shake your head. "He could just buy it and pay it off monthly." You say.

"He could. But I guess we'll never know why he refuses to buy one." Jungkook answers, watching as you toe off your slippers to get more comfortable on the couch next to him- before you put the mug back on the small table, jumping up towards the windows, opening them. "Its still raining heavy." He says, and you nod, turning off the lights, streetlights of the city illuminating the room enough to still see, as you walk back on the couch, pulling a blanket over your shoulders. "What're you doing?" He chuckles when you put one over his shoulders as well.

"I like listening to the rain. And it smells nice." You say, wind blowing into the apartment. "And airing out is important too." You tell him, leaning your head against the backrest of the couch. He nods.

This is nice.

He'd never really thought of those aspects of rain, has always just seen it as bad. It's already slowly stopping to rain so hard, now just a soft mist, but you're right. It smells nice, not like the usual faint city smog, but clean, and fresh. The air might be cold, icy on the tip of his nose, but its also refreshing, calming.

"This is nice." He comments before he turns, noticing a bit of weight on his back. You're asleep, resting against his back, and he uses this moment to look at you a bit.

Maybe Namjoon had been right, he thinks as he adjusts you to lay your head on his thigh, tucking your blanket in around you.

Maybe you're not who he thought you were.

♥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

"What do you mean you were inside her apartment?" Namjoon asks, visibly surprised as he puts down his chopsticks for a moment. "She let you inside?"

"It was raining hard, didn't want to let me drive home, so I had some tea at hers and left later. She fell asleep anyways, she was pretty beat, so I left a note and drove home after closing her windows." Jungkook casually explains, continuing his lunch across his friend.

"You do know she doesn't even let her own mother visit, right?" Namjoon asks, and Jungkook shakes his head.

"No, how would I know?" He says. "From how she acts and speaks, I thought she'd have regular visitors." He says, scooping up some rice as his friend across shakes his head.

"No. She hates visitors. She doesn't even open for the mailman." Namjoon says. "Her apartment is her safety zone. I'm surprised she let you in." He shrugs.

"Maybe you just don't know her that well." Jungkook teases his friend.

"You simply don't know her at all, Jungkook." He says. "Listen.. I, don't know how to say this.. " he starts, and Jungkook raises his brow in confusion.

"I'm not gonna fuck her, if that's what you're worried about." He says, and Namjoon runs a hand over his face.

"Thats.. that wasn't something I was worried about until you mentioned it actually." He mumbles. "So yeah. Don't do that please. And also, don't.. just, don't get too close to her. In general."

"Why?" Jungkook wonders honestly now. "Joon, she's not gonna break my heart or something. I'm an adult man, not a lovesick boy going through puberty. She's not even my type." He laughs.

"Jungkook, I'm serious." The older guy says, picking his chopsticks back up. "Just.. leave it as it is right now."

"What're you worried about?" Jungkook wants to know, finishing his meal as he wipes his hands clean. "You seem so serious about this."

"Because I am." He underlines again. "I told you before, she's not who she pretends she is." He reminds the younger, who leans back, arms crossed.

"What, is she a criminal?" He wonders. "Sells drugs? Owns guns? Criminal record?"

"Theres things I won't tell you cause that's not my right." Namjoon explains. "You're a good guy, I know that, she knows that. But if you get too close, she'll just get attached again." He sighs.

"And?" Jungkook clicks his tongue. "Nothing wrong with that. We're attached too. That's what friendships are. Attachments."

"I meant it as in, more than that." Namjoon mumbles in a somber tone.

"Oh." Jungkook realizes. "I.. don't think I'm her type anyways." He laughs it off, but Namjoon doesn't seem convinced.

"Just.. keep your distance." He warns. "Its for the best."

♥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

Namjoon doesn't tell him anything about you since that day.

You don't seem to hang out with everybody as much, and he himself hasn't seen you in what's been weeks now. Everytime he checks on you via your best friend, all he gets is a short answer that's way too vague to be the actual truth. Jungkook isn't sure why he's so interested in the first place. Maybe it's that small tiny glimpse of you that you've shown him, let him taste, before disappearing from his radar.

It bothers him, mainly because he feels like Namjoon has made him out to be the bad guy that's going to break your heart it seems. He's never given a clear reason why. He's never done anything wrong.

But its not like you've vanished into thin air, and because of pure luck, he spots you in a store he's visiting quite often, crouched down at the plushy-section. He almost didn't recognize you, pastel pink bucket hat and facemask hiding you pretty well- but for some reason, he still somehow knows it's you.

You seem to struggle between buying one or the other, holding both as you glance from one of the plush toys to the other.

"Tough decision, hm?" He asks, careful not to startle you but he still does, the seemingly sudden attack of his voice sending you straight onto your butt from your squatting position. "Sorry, I didn't mean to spook you like that." He chuckles, helping you up and standing.

"No worries. I didn't pay attention." You say, while you hold onto the still packaged stuffed animals. "And uh.. yeah. I was thinking of taking, you know, maybe one." You mumble more or less. "Both are too expensive."

"Yeah, they price these pretty high in my opinion." He affirms, poking one of the plastic bags you're holding. "What's so special about these?" He wonders, and your eyes suddenly grow bigger, hands squishing the thing eagerly.

"They're squishy, and soft!" You explain to him eagerly. "Try it! They're like, I don't know, stress balls or something!" You say, and he does as you say, pulling and pressing down on the round purple creature.

"Hm yeah okay, I can see where you're coming from." He nods, charmed by your cute enthusiasm over the toy. "So, which one you taking?"

"I.. like the color of this one, and its a shark, but the other one is a chicken and cute too.. like, look at those little wings.." you complain, pulling on said wings a bit before you look down. "I don't know."

"Why not buy both and just.. skip out on buying any next month?" He wonders. "Treat yourself. For being brave at the doc's." He chuckles, and you start to fidget on the spot a little.

"They're too expensive." You reason. "If I buy both, I won't have enough money to buy proper groceries next week, and Joon has been bugging me about not eating frozen foods all the time.." you complain.

"Well, he's right, that's not exactly healthy." Jungkook agrees, before taking the chicken from you and turning it to see the price tag. "Its alright. Let me buy it then." He shrugs.

"You- no, you really don't have to." You say.

"I know." He smiles. "But I want to."

You don't say anything. You're not sure Jungkook is aware of what he's doing, supporting your bad habit of buying 'kid's stuff' as Namjoon scolds you constantly. Walking towards checkout, you can't help but wonder. "Did you and Joon fight?" You ask, and Jungkook shrugs.

"Not sure, honestly." He admits. "He's.. I guess he doesn't trust me with you."

"What does you mean?" You wonder in a serious manner, careful to make sure the line keeps moving as you walk next to him towards the cash registers.

"Thats what I'm wondering." He says. "Namjoon seems pretty protective over you. I don't know, usually I'd say he's got the hots for you, but he's with Jin, so that can't be the reason." He tells you, before walking closer to the busy cashier.

"As if anyone's got the hots for me but fourty-plus year old men." You scoff.

"Hey now, don't do that." He clicks his tongue. "I bet most guys are just- intimidated by you. You know." He shrugs, waiting in line next to you with the round chicken plush tucked under his arm. "I know I was."

"Was?" You wonder, and he laughs down at you, his smile almost blinding.

"Yeah, definitely past tense." He jokes. "Now I just think you're cute."

You want to question that further. Suddenly, it's your turn, but Jungkook walks right behind you, pulls out his credit card way before you can grab your wallet, pays for both the stuffed animals and walks you out the store.

"How'd you get here?" He wonders, as you both walk outside.

"Bus." You answer, and he nods.

"You want me to drive you home?" He asks. "I don't mind, it's on the way for me."

"Jungkook.." you suddenly say, voice trembling a little as you stand in front of him at the side of the parking lot. "I.. appreciate your kindness but, uhm.. please don't." You say, and he's a bit taken aback by it.

"Did I do something wrong?" He wonders. "If I came off too strong, I apologize. Really didn't mean to."

"Its just that.. I'm kind of tired getting friendzoned." You laugh bitterly. "Its kind of old at this point. Seeing everyone be nice to you and then move on once they've found their special someone."

"Thats.." he starts, brows all scrunched up as he stands in front of you. "You're not some part-time activity." He explains honestly to you. "I'm not being nice to you to fight my boredom or anything like that. And you're definitely not friendzoned." He chuckles a little.

"I'm always friendzoned." You scoff. "I'm just everyone's little sister, or the lewd one that's always up for a random call when the date doesn't show up." You argue.

"Well, here's the thing." Jungkook tells you, gently uncrossing your arms before placing the two round plushies in each, respectively. "I really don't care what's made you build up that tough mean-girl persona you've created. But I'd like to get to know the girl that's looking at me right now, just like this." He grins, tapping the underside of your chin teasingly. "You're teasing me with those glimpses of you every now and then. I want to know more, if you'd let me."

"That 'me' is boring." You say. "She's childish."

"I've thrown a tamper tantrum before." He shrugs.

"She's stupid." You tell him, but he shakes his head.

"I doubt that. We all got brain-farts every now and then." He crosses his arms, amused smirk on his face at your attempts to drive him away.

"She's cries over Disney movies." You try, and he laughs.

"Hey come on, everyone cries over the fox and the hound!" He simply defends, and you sigh, almost annoyed.

"Jungkook you say all that right now as if it won't end with me hopelessly falling in love with you, while you're gonna leave me behind because 'you're sorry but you've met someone and you're a great friend but nothing more'!" You complain.

"You won't even try and let me love you." He softly says, and you're a little shocked at how easy he says the for you dreaded 'L'-word. It's a big word. A heavy one. "I can't stand here and promise you that I'll fall in love with you, because first and foremost, I don't know you. And you don't know me either." He explains. "But that's something we can change. You just have to let me in."

"And you don't have to let me in?" You try and jab at him, making him laugh.

"I don't have to let you in." He simply says. "You've been seeing who I am the whole time. I'm not hiding anything." He shrugs.

"..." you pull the two stuffed animals a bit closer to yourself, plastic crinkling in your arms before you speak. "What if you don't like who I am?" You wonder quietly.

"Then at least we tried." He offers. "Life is scary. Meeting new people is scary. Letting people go is scary." He softly explains. "But if you just hide away from those things, you'll also miss out on opportunities to experience something great. Meet someone special. Or create a memory you'll never forget."

"So you're saying you already know you won't like me?" You say, now just being stubborn to see what he does.

"Stop putting words into my mouth you brat." Be laughs. "I don't like the 'you' that you force yourself to be. I know that for sure." Jungkook tells you, grabbing his car keys from his pant pocket. "But I feel like I'm gonna like this you that's right in front of me right now a lot."

He speaks bold, appears honest. You're still not sure if you trust him. And namjoon had told you to really keep him at distance, stay on high alert of anything.

But somehow, he's caught you, sticky like honey already staining your skin.

And you've always had a sweet tooth.

♥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

It kind of feels like sneaking around.

Even though right now, you're doing nothing naughty at all, not even remotely. Jungkook is simply helping you cook, watches the pizza in the oven before he puts the mitts to the side. "You got a timer set?" He wonders, and you nod.

"I've got it to the full time for now, let's hope we don't forget the check every now and then." You say, and he nods, walking into the living room with you. The smell of food is already slowly invading your space, and you open a window to make sure it airs out before you'll go to bed later.

He's staying over. You're surprisingly calm about it.

On the couch, he's looking at you from the side. "What?" You wonder, and he shrugs.

"I'm just wondering." He says. "Why do you act so differently around others?"

"Because everyone walks over you when you're soft." You explain, pulling your legs closer to yourself next to him. "No one takes you seriously. You're just the quiet girl and nothing interesting. No one cares." You mumble.

Jungkook wants to tell you that's not true, but he knows that he'd be wrong. It's sad that soft hearts get put in a hard shell because of what most people think should be an admirable personality. Someone strong doesn't have to be someone who's always bold and loud.

When his fingers find your knee, you stiffen. It makes him question out loud what he's been having on the tip of his tongue for a while now, ever since arriving at your place. "Am I making you uncomfortable?" He wonders, and you shake your head- before shrugging, unsure. "You're a bit confusing. In a way, cause you seem like you want me close, but when I am, you start to look all cornered, just like now." He wonders.

"Yeah well.. when a guy touches me, it's always been just for that." You say. "You know. Sex."

His face becomes serious. You notice quickly how that sounded.

"Nothing bad ever happened! Not really." You admit. "But it's.. I guess I should've told you right from the start. So you won't get your hopes up." You sigh. "I don't.. want to have sex."

"Okay." He says. "Neither do I right now. I just want to touch you. Nothing else."

"Yeah no, I mean it as in- not right now, probably not anytime soon, maybe never?" You ask more or less. "I've.. never had sex before. And at this point it feels like I've just passed all the opportunities to have it with anybody."

"Do you dislike the thought of it?" He wonders. "What's making you uncomfortable about it?"

"I.. guess I'm scared it'll be awkward?" You say, wiggling your feet a bit. "What if I don't like something, for example? Or if I make a weird sound, or, I don't know, don't cum or you don't cum and then it's all wasted time and just awkward.." you try and explain.

"You're intimidated by it." He sums it up for you, and you nod. "Thats fine. First's are scary, no matter what kind."

"I'm an adult." You conquer. He laughs.

"I'm one too, and I'm still freaked out by shit!" He laughs. "But, to get back to the topic, I'm okay with that."

"Okay with not having sex?" You wonder, and he nods.

"I mean, I get it's important for most people, and I like the intimacy of it, yeah. But it's not a necessity." He shrugs. "I can jerk myself off just fine."

You deflate a little, both because you feel more calm now, but also because you don't know how to tell him you might be interested in the entire topic. But it seems like he can read minds.

"We can also, you know, ease into it." He offers. "Doesn't have to be all hard-core bondage first time." Jungkook laughs. "You okay with this whole discussion?" He gently asks, and you nod.

You're weirdly alright with it.

"So let's like- what do you like?" He wonders. "As in, when you masturbate, what's something you enjoy?"

You cringe a bit. He laughs. You're cute.

"I.. uh.." you stammer, voice a lot more quiet now. "I've got like, a vibrator? That's nice." You shrug. "Other than that, uhm, just my hand. You know. Basic stuff."

Jungkook nods. "Ever put something in?"

"It.. uh. Dunno. Never really came from it alone." You say. "Which is also why I think sex with me is gonna be weird because I've never really gotten myself off on just that." You say.

"Doesn't mean anything." He shakes his head. "The mood, foreplay, all of that makes a huge difference. That and the fact that someone else is doing it. I remember my first handjob I got. It was weird as fuck, even though technically I should've been used to it." He laughs. "I think what personally scared me most was just being naked I guess." He offers some past fears of his own.

You nod at that. "Same."

"You're pretty tough." He smiles. "I'm not just saying that. I think you're pretty, with clothes and without as well." He flirts.

"I'm still not having sex with you." You defend yourself, and he shrugs, smiling still.

"I know." He tells you. "I'm still fine with that."

It's quiet for a moment, until you speak up again. You're not sure why you're bringing it up again when you could've just let it go, because clearly you've always been against the idea of having sex with someone. But with Jungkook, for some reason, it's so easy to talk about all of this.

"I.. you said you'd ease into it " you mumble quietly. He nods. "How?"

"I could just jerk you off." He shrugs. "Simple hand job. Clothes can stay on."

"And then?" You wonder.

"Then what?" He chuckles. "The you'll know if you like someone else doing something like that for you." He offers.

"What if I'll fall in love with you then?" You quietly ask, and he impishly smiles.

"Then I've done one he'll of a good job." He jokes, before looking at you more seriously. "In all seriousness though. I wouldn't mind you falling in love with me."

"I can tell." You say, looking away. "You're easy to love."

"Thank you." He offers. "You're very easy to fall in love with too."

"That makes no sense." You roll your eyes. "Love and lust aren't the same. You just want to screw me."

"Do I?" He raises his brows. "Can't lie and say you're not physically attractive to me. But I stand by what I said. If you don't want sex, I won't ask for it."

"You'll just end up leaving me for someone who wants it." You bitterly laugh. He doesn't look happy.

"No." He says. "Okay, do you want be with me? Emotionally, I mean?" He asks you, and you look at him wide eyes. "Yes, I'm asking you out here."

"I-" you stammer, caught off guard. "Yeah?"

"Is that a question or an answer?" He teases, making you whine.

"Maybe? Yes?" You try again, but he just shakes his head.

"Alright." He simply answers. "I'll go look, see if the pizza is burned yet. You calm down, I think I've riled you up enough." He laughs, hand on your shoulder for just a second before he leaves you to yourself, giving you some breathing room.

It gives you time to think.

You like him. He's a nice guy, good looking too, and he seems honest about his intentions. You don't love him yet, but its clear that he's easy to fall in love with. But isn't love a requirement to start a relationship? Can you just get together and then fall in love?

You're not sure. But you also want to find out.

So when he emerges from your kitchen, you call out to him. "I want to." You say, and he looks at you wide eyed for just a moment, before he seems to realize what you're talking about. "I.. wanna be with you." You say.

And he smiles, grins brightly, like a kid just being offered a trip to Disney world.

"Okay."

♥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

"Everything alright?" He chuckles, voice breaking the silence in the darkened living room. "I can hear you creeping around."

It's true, you've been trying to keep quiet because you really don't know how to ask this. It's been bugging you for hours now, there's no way it seems you'll be able to fall asleep without at least attempting to solve this issue. But how do you ask for it?

He'd asked you out. You're together now, right?

"I- uh.." you wonder quietly, navigating slowly towards the pull-out couch where he's laying on. "Just wanted to see if everything's alright." You chicken out last moment, and he laughs softly.

"I'm alive and well." He answers you, before he throws back one side of the blankets, patting the spot next to him. "You wanna sleep here?" He wonders, and you sigh.

"How come you know that?" You almost whine, walking closer before you crawl underneath the warmed up blankets he'd been resting under. "Thanks." You say, but he shakes his head.

"No problem. You can come closer, too." He tells you more quietly now that you're already laying next to him.

It takes a moment for you. You're not sure how close you want to get, how close he will let you- so you slowly scoot forwards, inching closer like a scared animal before you finally settle with your head on the inside of his shoulder, arm over his middle. "Is that okay?" You wonder. He nods.

"Definitely." He answers. "Do you cuddle a lot?" He wonders, and you shake your head.

"I've not.. cuddled with anybody since I was a child." You admit. "So I.. jungkook, I'm gonna need a lot of help for this." You confess quietly. "I don't know how this works. How I'm supposed to act, what I'm supposed to do. I don't know what's right and what's not."

"Thats fine." He reassures you.

It's a little silent after that. You don't know what to say, how to ask. Isn't it weird now? Won't you move too fast? "What's going on in there." He teases, finger flicking your head rather gently. You move around a little uncomfortably. He notices right away. "Not good? You can go back to your bed if it's not comfortable." He offers.

"I don't know.." you say, unsure how to put it in words. "..I'm still thinking about what you said. Earlier." You mumble.

"What exactly?" He wonders quietly.

"The uhm.. you know. Sex part." You stammer out.

"I really don't need it." He chuckles. "Might be hard to grasp but if you don't want it I won't bother you with it."

"I want to." You say. It's dead quiet for a moment before you continue. "Like.. how you said. You know, start small, and all that." Tou explain.

"Okay." He answers after a moment. "Right now?" He asks. You nod.

"I just.. don't know what to do. And I didn't shave- oh God okay no maybe some other day then-" you ramble, he laughs.

"Who cares if you shave?" He jokes easily. "Its fine by me. I don't mind it." He tells you.

"You're weird." You cringe a bit. "Guys don't like that-"

"Maybe you've just met idiots then." He shrugs. "I'm honest here. I don't care if you shave or not. You could dye that hair downstairs pink, who am I to tell you what your body has to look like?" He scoffs playfully, making you laugh a little.

This is why you like him. He's easy. Simple. Comfortable.

"Do you want me to use something? Or just my hand?" He wonders quietly, and you just shrug.

"I wanna.. you know. Know if I like what you do." You offer, and he hums an affirmative reply at that, hand under the covers feeling for your thigh.

"You can stop me at any time." He almost whispers. "It won't be awkward, I promise." He assures, and you nod, letting his palm explore under the covers. You're not sure if he's careful or just plain teasing- but most of all, it's strangely exciting.

He moves you a bit, pulls you closer, eyes searching for ant signs of discomfort. "Jungkook..?" You ask quietly, and he chuckles a bit before nodding. "..can you uhm.. maybe kiss me?" You wonder, and there's no reaction for a moment, until he moves again, adjusts himself so he can properly angle himself, lips meeting yours carefully so.

The first one feels weird. You're unsure. You lift your head in a moment if bravery to try again, and it gets more comfortable.

It's nice.

He seems amused, but not at you - more at the fact that you're a lot more independent than you might've thought you'd be in a situation like this.

You're leading him. You're probably not aware, but your body language and responses all speak clearly to him about what you enjoy and what you don't. At first, he stops any advances, but you whine for him to continue. "Just.. cold hands."

"Sorry." He chuckles. "My fingers are pretty cold sometimes." He jokes. You nod, breathing a bit heavier now as soon as his hands warm up, slowly traveling underneath your underwear, middle finger easily finding your most sensitive spot. "Feeling good?" He wonders, and you nod, squirming around a bit.

"More." You ask, moving around a little, seemingly unsure where to put your limbs. He's doing it very differently from how you'd do it- but it's nice. He's making you feel good, not just in lust, but also in general.

There really isn't anything weird about it.

Or maybe your brain is just a bit foggy.

You want to stop him suddenly, feeling too sensitive, and he does halter his movements to check in with you. "What's wrong?" He asks.

"Weird. Sensitive- I.. don't know." You say. "I feel like I'm gonna pee or something." You say.

"Have you ever had an orgasm before?" He wonders, and you suddenly think. Have you? You're not sure.

"I.. don't know." You say.

"Hm." He cocks his head to the side a little, amused look on his face. "Lets see then." He almost challenges, resuming his activities, making you squirm yet again as you feel like something might be happening. Your back arches, and suddenly, you're not sure why you can't help but gasp out, his movements perfectly stable as pleasure rolls over you in waves. "There we go." He laughs, watching as you slowly come back down.

"Thank you.." you say breathlessly, before cringing at the sight of his glistening hand. "Uhm.. do you want me to do something too.?"

"It's okay." He says. "I've enjoyed watching you. That's enough." Jungkook chuckles, before pulling back the covers. "No, clean up. I gotta wash my hand and change too." He laughs, slapping your thigh with his clean hand.

"Change?" You wonder, standing up and cringing at the slippery feeling between your legs.

"I told you." He laughs, and only now do you notice a wet spot on his sweatpants as he'd turned on the lights. "I really enjoyed myself as well."

♥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

He's warm.

His arm lays heavy over your body, breathing soft and barely noticeable on the skin of your neck. Jungkook has slept close to you the entire night, didn't mind when you stole the blanket from him it seems. He's holding onto you, face clear of any worry, no muscle tensed as he sleeps.

He slowly seems to wake up, pulls you closer for a moment as he stretches his limbs and back, before his tired eyes open. "Hey." He greets with a raspy voice.

"Hey." You quietly greet back. He chuckles.

"How do you feel?" He wonders, pulling you closer with a sleepy grin.

"Good. Happy." You say.

"In love?" He wonders.

You nod.

And he smiles, brighter than the sun already high up in the sky outside your window.

♥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

[sirfrogsworth]

I posted the below on my Facebook. I am secretly trying to head things off at the pass. Every time people see pictures of me out and about, they think I have been magically cured or my health status has improved. And I know going to Florida is going to give people that impression.

But also, I just wish a few of my relatives could understand my situation better. And why I didn't come to Christmas. And why I might try to come to Christmas now.

I guess I'll see how this goes.

-----------------------------------

One of the biggest struggles I've had my entire adult life is explaining why I appear fine whenever people see me. I say I am very sick and bed-bound and then they see me and I am out of bed and talking and joking and... a normal healthy person.

What many don't realize is I am making a choice.

A choice to get sick.

I can use up all my energy in a short time frame to accomplish a difficult chore or entertain a friend or go to a doctor, but that is going to have a consequence.

The more I do, the more severe the consequence.

In the ME/CFS world this is called "post-exertional malaise." (for those interested, you can read more about it here: https://rthm.com/art.../what-is-post-exertional-malaise-pem/ )

Imagine every time you wanted to do something, you were *choosing* to get the flu.

Take a walk, get the flu.

Exercise, get the flu.

Spend a night out with friends, get the flu.

And you might be thinking, "Okay, it can't be as bad as the flu. I've had the flu and the flu sucks. No one would choose that."

I may not get the nasty respiratory symptoms, but everything else is pretty much the same. Crippling fatigue, horrible aches, and the loss of the will to do much of anything. Sometimes it is much worse than the flu. Some people don't know how much being this exhausted can hurt. They have never used up enough energy that their body is unable to power itself properly. I usually say it is like every cell in my body is starving and screaming for energy. I feel it in every inch of my body—and not just on the surface... through and through. So, like... cubic inches.

Sometimes I don't even have the energy to power my legs. Trying to stand feels exactly the same as trying to lift a barbell with way more weight than you can lift. I can't get upstairs or even walk to the kitchen. It's a concentrated misery that defies description, despite my constant attempts to try.

Sometimes I get lucky and this flu lasts for a day or two. But the more active I am, the longer it can last. And the severity increases as well. There is also a cumulative version of this—where if I do a bunch of little things over a longer period of time, eventually it will catch up to me and I may be stuck in bed for a few weeks.

And when I say "stuck in bed" I mean stuck in bed.

Short trips to the bathroom and a few minutes in the kitchen to make food. If I spend too much time upright, my legs will literally give out and I will be stuck on the floor until I recharge enough energy to get up again. It would be like every time you needed to get up, you had to hold your breath. Not to mention, the more I do, the longer the recovery will take.

For a long time I chose to never get the flu. I stayed in bed and did just enough to avoid the worst of PEM. I skipped family get-togethers. I didn't see my friends. And I lived my life inside the computer. Some may find that sad, but I actually found a way to make this work. I ran a successful blog that was seen by millions of people and I met my two best friends who I now consider my new family.

One thing that allowed me to choose not to get the flu was my parents. I fear some thought they were spoiling me. They did my laundry. They helped clean my room. They got my groceries. They cooked my food. They took on any chore they could so I could avoid the flu and live some semblance of a life on my computer. There is a lot of guilt wrapped up in that. I didn't ask them to do that. They just sort of... did. And I am so grateful to them.

To be fair, they would have to do these chores for themselves anyway, and tacking on my stuff wasn't a huge deal. But I know it caused them a little extra pain and a few post exertional consequences of their own. So I appreciated that sacrifice more than I can put into words.

But then they both got very sick. And not only could they not help me with my stuff, I had to help them with their stuff. And this was a difficult transition. I had to choose to get the flu to take care of my parents, but then if I got the flu, and I couldn't take care of my parents. I believe this is called a catch-22.

My initial solution was to just not take care of myself. At all. My health and mental well-being was set aside and I just gave all of my energy to them. I didn't shower. I forgot to take important medicines. I didn't do a single thing that brought me joy. And I'm reminded of that analogy of the airplane emergency where the oxygen masks drop. You put on your mask first before you put one on your child. Your instinct is to save them first at all costs. But if you pass out, they are screwed.

So I kept getting that cumulative version of the flu. I'd help them as much as I could for a week or a month and then I'd be useless to them for just as long. Living in the basement did not help. Stairs were very hard for me and constantly going up and down was a huge waste of energy.

And I'm sad to say, the level of care I gave to my mom was not great. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't understand how to balance my needs with hers. And it led to costly mistakes. She had several preventable falls that caused injuries. At one point she spent hours on the floor because I fell asleep and did not check on her. When you know someone needs regular supervision, you need to synchronize sleepy time.

Thankfully I learned from all of these lessons. Maybe not as quickly as I would have liked, but I did figure it out. I just wish I had learned them before my mom passed. I just wasn't able to give her the help she needed.

And you can tell me "you did your best" all you like, but this isn't a guilt I am choosing. It's just there and I feel it no matter what anyone says. In time I am hoping it will get lighter, but I'm afraid it cannot be wiped away with a well-intentioned platitude.

But with my dad, I decided to move upstairs. That was something I should have done much sooner. But I liked having my personal space and that was hard to give up. When he slept, I slept. When he spent 4 hours at dialysis 3x per week, I would make sure to take care of any personal needs. I would do chores a tiny bit at a time. 5 minutes here, 5 minutes there. And then I would lay on the couch in between and regain my strength. I did everything possible to not get the flu. And I got my flu shots so I wouldn't get the actual flu. (Get your flu shot! 50K die from it every year!) The only hitch in my plan was when I got a kidney stone at the same time my dad was in rehab. I have no idea how I got us through that.

I was very proud of the care I was able to give my dad. And I'm so grateful I was able to pay back just a tiny bit of what my parents did to help me. And the care I gave my father is the only thing that helps me feel better about my failures with my mom.

But now I am entering a new chapter of my life. And I find myself choosing to get the flu more often. I have decided sometimes it is worth the consequences. Part of that is because I am more used to it after dealing with it for 20 years. I have coping mechanisms and procedures and techniques to manage the symptoms. It doesn't make them suck any less, but it definitely makes it more manageable. It's akin to people with chronic pain who still feel the pain just as profoundly as when it was new, but they get so used to it that they forget that isn't how they are supposed to feel.

I approached this scientifically. I did tests. I went to the movies. I tried once a week and that was too much. Then I scaled it back and that was more manageable. Then I realized I had movies at home and decided to end that experiment.

I started to put my energy into something I enjoyed more. My photography. So I have been finding new ways to take pictures again. More experiments. I'm designing a simpler studio that requires much less energy. I'm creating a little product photography workstation where I don't have to set up everything each time I want to take a cool picture of an object. It will just be "turn on the lights" and "take the pictures."

Figuring all of this out made me realize how much I missed photography. And since I have been shooting test pictures here and there, my mental health has been noticeably better. And once I get this all figured out and set up, I am hoping some of you will let me take your photo. Or a photo of your kid. Or a pet. Whatever you have that needs photographing, I'm game.

I'm not going to charge. It's not going to be a business. I do not have the energy to "hustle." And asking people for money just sucked all of the fun out of my beloved art form. It corrupted it. I just love taking pictures and if you need a photo, I'd like to do that for you. I also restore old photos for fun. I'll talk about all of this more in another post when I am ready to start.

And then my grand experiment is coming next week.

I am going to travel.

I am going to see my best friend in Florida for two days. Two days of travel and two days of visiting. This is a scary choice. I know the aftermath is going to be difficult. But I need to get out of this house. I need to see my chosen family in person. And I have never been on a plane and I love the perspective from high places. I know people hate air travel, but for me, looking out that viewport is stunning television that cannot be matched.

Purposely making myself sick sounds like a bad idea. But it isn't life threatening. I have the free time to recover as long as I need to. And I can always choose not to get sick for a while if it gets too hard.

I just ask that people not see this as going from a worse life to a better one. I was really proud of the life I was able to create for myself while staying in bed. That took a long time to figure out. I met some of my favorite people. And I accomplished things I couldn't imagine in my wildest dreams. Please do not shit on that life and think it was sad or meaningless. I was given that life as a gift from my parents and it kept me alive. It has always been a huge insult when people pitied that precious gift they gave me.

This is not a better life that I am trying to figure out. It is just better for me right now. My needs have changed. I have changed. So I am trying to adapt. I just ask that people understand when I go out and do something, please remember the choice I am making.

You may be tempted to say, "You are doing so much better!" I am not any better than I was 10 years ago. Actually, my health has degraded. It's just that before I didn't think getting the flu every time I did something was worth it. And I would hope everyone would understand that was a valid choice.

And now I am inviting those consequences.

On purpose.

Give me the flu, I guess.

[phoenixyfriend]

Can you explain the Iran-Israel situation please?

Alright, let's get to it. Please note that I'm writing this on mobile during my lunch break, so I can't include reference/source links as much as I'd like. Thankfully, most of what I'm going to be telling you should be easily located by searching for an article on one of the following: APNews, Reuters, BBC Global News Podcast, Democracy Now!, NPR, or The New York Times. Long-term background is probably best found in videos by the YouTube channels Real Life Lore or tldr global news, or on Wikipedia if you prefer text.

The short version: Israel attacked Iran's consulate in Syria to get at some of the military commanders that were there, which is legally equivalent to attacking Iran itself. Iran responded by sending about 300 bombs at Israel, most of which were shot down in transit. Given that they still called it a success, even though it seems only one person was even hurt, my understanding is that it's very likely that they only intended the rockets to be a show of force, rather than an actual escalation, because Iran can't afford a war right now.

To support my blogging so I can move out of my parents’ house, I do have a ko-fi. Alternately, you can donate to one of the charities I list in this post OR this post.

The long version:

Okay, let's start with some background on Israel, then Iran. This is... a lot, so if you already know the broad strokes skip down to 2023.

Israel was established following WWII by the English and French, following borders the two countries had secretly drawn up decades earlier in the Sykes-Picot agreement. The intent was to give the Jewish people a place to go... or, depending on who you ask, a place to send them. Their ancestral homeland was viewed as the best choice, sort of like a deportation millennia after a diaspora. Given that WWII had just ended by the time Sykes-Picot was actually put into effect, 'getting out of Europe' was something a lot of Jews were given to agree with.

The Arab world was not happy, as that land had belonged to the Ottomans for centuries, and had long since 'naturalized' to being Arab. I'm not going to pretend to know the nuances to when people do or do not consider Palestine to have been its own nation; it was an Ottoman state until WWI, at which point it came under British control for just under three decades, and that period is known as the British Mandate of Palestine; it ended after WWII, with the creation of Israel. Palestine's land and people have sort of just been punted around from one colonizer to another for centuries.

Iran is the current form of what was once Persia. They were an empire for a very long time, and were a unitary monarchy up until the early 20th century; in 1925, Iran elected a Prime Minister who was then declared the monarch. The following several decades had Iran's monarchy slowly weakened, and occasionally beset by foreign interventions, including a covert coup by the US and UK in 1953. The country also became more corrupt throughout the 1970s due to economic policy failing to control inflation in the face of rising oil prices.

In 1979, there was a revolution that overthrew the monarchy and the elected government, replacing the system with a theocracy and declaring Iran to be an Islamic Republic, with the head of state being a religious authority, rather than an elected one. This was not popular with... most countries. 1980 saw the closure of all universities (reopened in 1983 with government-approved curriculums), as well as the taking of over fifty American hostages from the US Embassy in Iran. You may have heard about that in the context of Ronald Reagan encouraging Iran to keep the hostages until the end of Carter's term in order to force the election.

So, the West didn't like having an Islamic state because it claims to like democracy, and also because the Islamic state was explicitly anti-American and this has some Bad Effects on oil prices. The Soviets didn't like having an Islamic State because a theocracy goes directly against a lot of communist values (or at least the values they claim to have), and weakened any influence their supposedly secular union could have on Iran and the wider middle east. The other countries in the Arab world, many of them still monarchies, didn't like the Islamic republic because if the revolution spread, then it was possible their monarchies would be overthrown as well.

(Except Oman, which is not worried, but that's the exception, not the rule.)

This is not a baseless worry, because Iran has stated that this is its goal for the Arab world. Overthrow the monarchies, overthrow the elected governments, Islamic Rule for everyone. That is the purpose of its proxies, like Hezbollah (Lebanon), the Houthis (Yemen), and Hamas (Palestine), along with less well-known groups like the Salafi Jihadists in Mali, who are formally under the umbrella of al-Quaeda, which Iran denies having any relation to but is suspected of funding. In areas where these proxy groups have gained power, they are liable to enact hard Shari'a law such as has happened in Northern Mali and other parts of the Sahel region.

While other conflicts have occurred in these countries, I think the above is most relevant.

Israel has repeatedly attacked, or been attacked by, other nations in the middle east, as they are viewed as having taken over land that is not theirs, and as being a puppet of the US government. The biggest conflicts have been 1947-1948, 1968/1973, and 2014.

And then, of course, 2023.

Now, Iran, more than any other nation in the Middle East, hates Israel. They have for a very long time, viewing them as an affront to the goal of spreading Islam across the whole of the middle east, and as being a front and a staging ground for the United States and other Western powers. Two common refrains in the slogans of Iran and its proxies are "Death to America" and "Death to Israel."

Due to Iran's military power and virulence towards Israel, the United States has been funneling money to Israel for decades. It has more generally been to defend itself against the Arab world at large, but it has narrowed over the decades to being about Iran and its proxies as relations have normalized with other nations like Egypt and Saudi Arabia.

Cue October 7th, 2023. Hamas invades Israeli towns, kills some people, and takes others as hostage. Israel retaliates, and the conflict ramps up into what is by now tens of thousands of dead, some half of which are children.

In this time, Hamas's allies are, by definition, Iran and the other proxy forces. Hezbollah, being in Lebanon, share a border with Israel's north. They have been trading rocket fire across the border in waves for most of the past six months. The Houthis, down in Yemen, claim to be attacking the passing cargo ships in order to support Palestine. Given that the attacks often seem indiscriminate, and that the Houthi's control over their portion of Yemen is waning in the face of their poor governance, this is... debatable. It's their official reason, but given that "let's attack passing ships, claiming that we only attack Israeli or American ships and that it is to support Palestine" is rallying support domestically for their regime, it does seem to be more of a political move to garner support at home than about supporting Palestine.

Iran, however, has not attacked Israel. They've spoken out about it, yes, but they haven't done anything because nobody wants a regional war. Nobody can afford it right now. Iran is dealing with a domestic crisis due to oil subsidies bleeding the states' coffers dry, and the aging Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, the leader of Iran, refusing to pick a successor. They are looking at both an economic crisis and succession crisis, and a regional war would fuck up both situations further. Iran funds most of its proxies, and they can't do that, and fight a war on top of it, while their economy is in its current state. Pure self preservation says they don't want a war, especially with the ongoing unrest that's been going on for... well, basically since the revolution, but especially since the death of Mahsa Amini.

Meanwhile, in Israel, Netanyahu has been looking at corruption charges and legal issues since before the Hamas attack. It's generally agreed that if Israel were to hold new elections right now, he would lose and be replaced, and also immediately taken to court. Netanyahu wants to stay in power, and as long as the war on Hamas lasts, he is unlikely to get voted out. A change in leadership in the middle of a war is rarely a good idea for any country, and he's banking on that.

However, the war on Hamas rests on the shoulders of American money and supplies. Without that military support, Israel cannot fight this war, and America... is losing patience.

Officially, America and most of the western world have been telling Israel to not fucking escalate for the majority of the war.

There have been implied threats, more or less since Schumer's big speech about how Israel needs a new election, of American legislators putting conditions on any future aid. There have even been rumblings of aid being retracted entirely if Israel follows through on invading Raffah.

So...

American aid to Israel has, for a very long time, been given in the name of defending Israel against Iran and its proxies.

Israel has been fighting this war against Hamas for six months, killing what is by now innumerable civilians, on the power of US military aid.

Netanyahu benefits from the continued war due to domestic troubles.

Iran does not want a regional war, or really any big war, due to its own domestic troubles.

The US is, in theory, losing patience with Israel and threatening to pull the plug on unconditional support. It's very "we gave you this to fight Iran. Stop attacking civilians. If you keep attacking civilians, then you're going to have to rely on what we already gave you to fight off Iran so that you won't keep wasting it on civilians."

Israel... attacks Iran, prompting a response, and is now talking about escalating with Iran.

I am not explicitly saying that it looks to me like Israel, which is already fighting a war on two physical fronts and even more political/economic ones, has picked a fight with Iran so that America feels less like it is able to withdraw support.

I just... am finding it hard to understand why Israel, which is in fact fighting both Hamas and Hezbollah, would attack the Iranian consulate in Syria otherwise. They can't actually afford to fight this war, escalating to a full regional conflict, on a third front.

Not without pressuring American into keeping the faucet of military funding open at full blast.

To support my blogging so I can move out of my parents’ house, I do have a ko-fi. Alternately, you can donate to one of the charities I list in this post OR this post.

[velvet-vox]

All of the points that go in favour/against Doll coming back to life.

So, originally, I wanted to make a post of theory/analysis on Cyn and the possibility of her being redeemed at the end of the show; one of the points that I was going to make for said redemption was that Doll's death was meant as a cautionary tale, the main team of the series is abuse and how trauma affects us into becoming the worst version of ourselves, Doll was a trauma victim who was so dead set in her unhealthy coping mechanism that she ended screwing over her entire life, granted said redemption for Doll wasn't unreachable as showcased by her last living moments, but by then the damage was done; Cyn, on the other hand, could have potentially realised all of the harm she was doing even as far back as before the gala massacre, but then, it kind of reminded me why I ended up never making that post.

You see, the thing is, I don't understand Cyn.

At all.

Like, I also for the longest time couldn't understand Doll despite being hyper obsessed with her, and took over a year, countless analyses done by other people and (unfortunately) episode 7 until I could finally come to understand her to the deep, narrative level that I do now, and I still don't know if I truly got everything.

But with Cyn, not only do I not understand her like I do with other characters, but..... I also kind of feel left out.

To me, it seems like the fanbase at large is obsessed with this little gremlin; I'm autistic as well, since that's the main head canon floating around, yet I don't really relate to a word she says, to me, the hype surrounding Cyn feels similar to the hype surrounding Nori pre episode 7: we have this almost blank slate character that is characterized enough to not be an head canon dump, she is super relevant to both the plot and to one of the protagonist backstory, it's one of the main antagonistic forces, and is generally super important.... Yet I still don't get her nor do I get her surrounding hype. I've read a couple of analyses, and would gladly accept if someone sent me some more, since just a single Murder Drones character requires a lot of digging to fully comprehend in its entirety.

But finally going back to Doll, I want to make a short list of all the points in favour and against a possible resurrection of her character, starting with the pros.

Pros:

- Doll is definitely a big selling point for the russian audience of Murder drones, as I have seen various people lament her death on the fact that she was russian alone; funnily enough, this was also my main reasoning to not kill her off as I and other people started learning russian all because of her.

- Gonna reiterate the fact that Doll is, currently, peak russian representation, and it just feels rather insensitive from Liam to kill her off permanently when there's already Yeva and her dad, two russians, whose death is much more acceptable.

- Doll, unlike Alice, Beau, Rebecca or others, had so much potential as a character, being Uzi's foil and all, and to not capitalize on that would be a huge waste.

- Her death, although very impactful, was not, per se, as narratively satisfying as it could have been (see Nox from Wakfu), so it might've been a mislead, and if V comes back, there's a chance Doll might come back too since Doll x V is the parallel dynamic to Uzi x N.

- Gonna mention personal bias. It's not important nor is it a valid point but it had to be mentioned.

- Doll parents are already dead but we had a whole Yeva flashback in episode 7 that I can't explain in ways other than she'll be relevant in the future, and if she turns out to be alive, even if mind controlled, Doll's death is inevitably going to lose a lot of impact because, as it stands, it's balanced, but with the twist, it could retroactively feel like drama porn.

- She wasn't unreademable, just unreachable and deeply hurt, if she had a second chance to make up for her mistakes I believe she would take it in a heartbeat, I can only imagine the immense amount of guilt she was feeling while dying, she must've realised she only caused more damage in the long run and couldn't do anything to fix it, so if she could help Uzi out even as a digital ghost, it might just give her the sense of closure she so desperately needed.

- If Nori can come back as a core, so can Doll, they just need to cut Cyn stomach in a non lethal way.

And now, for the sadly more probable cons:

- This is Liam Vickers we are talking about.

- Even with all of her potential, hers and her family backstory feel rather.... disconnected from everything else going on right now? Like, Yeva might have been this important figure into Nori's past, but as of right now, aside from her impact, she really doesn't seem too relevant to the main plot; same thing with Doll, in fact, it was Doll's own insistence to be relevant that led to her demise, because, despite everything, the story revolves around N and Uzi manages to survive because she is important to N, and even then, she still sacrifices her own life for him.

- The narrative has always been pretty disrespectful to her? Like, I'm not talking about her sad backstory, sad development, and even sadder death, (this master guide over here realistically had no end in sight as you could just go on and on forever) I mean in general there was a clear lack of commitment to her side of things from the writing team, I think I've read somewhere else that in the original animation Uzi even walked on Doll's body as she was running to N; many theorised that they only came up with her story only after the pilot dropped, and I can't help but think that it has to be true because she had this air of mystery that in my opinion went anywhere and in the pilot she's a background character. I don't know, from a supposedly sympathetic villain the writing was rather unsympathetic towards her whole situation and she felt more like your average b##ch in the episodes following the prom.

- She still fulfilled her limited narrative role, so changing it back could alter future developments and remove impact from the tragedy of this cautionary tale, since, in all honesty, Doll's side story would require the show to switch off the plot too much and unfortunately that's never been a priority for the writing team. Also bringing back up Nox from Wakfu (still gonna make that comparison post) whose Doll shares some themes with, even though his personal story was extremely tragic, it was extremely disconnected from all of the main characters as he was more of a warmup baddie for Yugo to get in the groove, and he never returned physically aside from passive mentions and an illusion.

- I don't think they went out of the way to showcase Cyn eating Doll's core just for it to be a fake out.

- Even with all of my personal biases, aside from her starring episode she never had a real purpose in the grand scheme of things so her death was probably just a way to cut off loose ends.

- She isn't a protagonist despite what she deluded herself into, so plot armour applies even less to her than it does with the main trio (spoiler: it doesn't).

Ultimately, in my heart and mind, despite what I really want, I know Doll's not coming back.

She was disrespected, screwed over by both the writing and her own twisted mind, and since this is a somewhat heavy horror show despite the comedy, I really don't think we are going to see her reunited with her parents as a ghost nor will she be in robot hell or heaven, I really think she is just dead.

That's so sad. What a shame.

Farewell, comrade.

Want more?

[superpowered-dirt]

i never post on here but i have so much in my head about twd: the ones who live i honestly feel like i might explode.

i know all anyone really wants to talk about from episode 2 is That Part of their reunion (which is fair, don't ask me how many times I rewatched it), but now, the part that keeps playing over and over again in my head is this tiny bit:

and i just need to say, danai and andy are so insanely talented bc this clip?? this clip—short as it is, with not a world of dialogue—says SO much about where our two characters are at.

first, rick. i watch this clip and i think holy shit, yeah, that is a broken man. andy does a masterful job at displaying through his eyes and the way he carries himself the extent of the psychological damage and anguish within rick, not to mention the guilt he carries. you can see the gears turning in his head as he reminds himself how he basically gave up on her. how he gave up on himself. how he told himself that he was done, he was never seeing her again, and let himself fold into the CRM. i think it's safe to say he hates himself for his choice to move on. he's utterly crushed by it. like look at him, he can't even meet her eyes!!

and michonne? she sees it. once the euphoria of I Found You has begun to wear off and she lets herself really take him in, she immediately clocks that this is not the same rick that "died" on the bridge. not the rick that led alexandria. not the rick that got them out of terminus. and definitely not the rick that stood up to the saviors. in fact, the last time she saw this version of him, it was right after the first time they ever lost to negan, and that horrifies her, because if that rick is back, then something truly terrible has happened. the look on her face in the clip says a million things, but most loudly, she's wondering, understandably and devastatingly, "my love, what have they done to you?"

the final clue for her that her rick is gone, at least for now, is their next interaction. since forever, both of their instincts anytime they've been told that something bad is coming their way have been to either hoof it for the safety of their family or stand back to back and dispatch the threat. it's the panic in his voice, the sheer desperation as he pleads with her to stand down instead and hide herself after she suggests they go that tells her she has no idea what he's been through or what she's in for now that she's in the shit with him. and even now, if the trailer for E03 has been any indication, she still fails to grasp the danger they're both in. i know what people online have been saying, but she's not being careless, this is michonne we're talking about, she just doesn't understand how careful she really has to be. and then throw jadis and her bitch ass bowl cut into the mix and suddenly a whole new threat looms over alexandria and the commonwealth that ultimately all comes back on rick too? the guilt he now has to face for not only dragging his wife into his mess, but through jadis, also his daughter and all his friends?? and if he finds out now that he has a son too, then there's even more guilt??????

i could go on for hours but i won't. all i'll say is that we're definitely in for such an emotional ride tomorrow. and really there's no one else i trust more than andy and danai to deliver that for us.

[notmorbid]

miss subways.

dialogue prompts from miss subways: a novel by david duchovny.

every day here is like a new stanford experiment.

my inner judge never has rehabilitation in mind.

if i'm not busy learning or being born, i'm busy dying.

you want me here, but then you want to ignore me.

one step forward, one half-step back.

i like the phrase 'making love'.

fuck you, asshole.

to the victors go the nomenclature.

gods are immortal, so they're patient.

not even i can stomach scientology.

what is the sound of one hand clapping?

i don't want to be famous. i don't have the clothes for it.

my identity can't be longer than a tweet.

i saw an opening. i decided to be the bad guy.

you're not going to start biting the heads off live bats, are you?

it's true, then. you can't take it with you.

you worried so hard for so long.

i'm sorry, i didn't get your last name.

you called me? what are you, 103 years old?

jesus would not go to nobu.

i don't mind you thinking outside the box. i mind you thinking outside of my box.

either lie down completely or stand the fuck up. it's gonna kill you in the middle.

you sound like oprah, except mean.

i want to live my life, not document it on instagram.

you lie to yourself and you lie to me.

to save something, something must be sacrificed. that's the way it goes.

we can't police our dreams. don't judge.

it felt like a death.

if i own something long enough, i start ascribing feelings to it.

that billy shakespeare, he got everywhere first.

i'm a reader, not a writer.

come on, let's get you cleaned up.

did i call you last night?

i was a different person with a different life. i've never had a dream like that.

there's nothing more boring than listening to somebody else's dream.

i can be a good shrink or a good friend. not both. choose.

i can't remember the last time i got laid.

don't be such a pussy.

i feel like i'm coming up short.

this is no time to come out of the closet.

was i a disappointment to you?

i like seeing things the way i do.

which version is the real you?

don't worry. there won't be a quiz.

the future is as random and fated as the past.

so much of life necessitates looking away.

have you been crying?

you forgot your trigger warning.

what i want has very little to do with anything.

spare me the faux shame.

when do the exceptions just pile up and make a new rule?

i like structure. i like to know i've done my homework.

i have to go to confession.

i don't know what to pray for.

the prayer is the god.

you stabbed a priest?

i need to change the past.

i'm losing you to that place you go.

shut the front door!

what would the perfect life look like?

you have the coolest, most beautiful eyes i've ever seen.

sing you to sleep? i don't really know any songs.

you don't know any songs? that's not possible.

i think i've always wanted to be taken advantage of by a gigolo.

you seem too smart to be an actor.

little lies make bigger lies possible.

there's something you're not saying.

there's a lot i'm not saying. i'm sure there's a lot you're not saying, too.

take the reins. write your own story.

i'm sorry you heard that.

i screwed up. you're not gonna love me anymore.

we all know better, but we're human. we screw up.

how do we know our character unless we step outside it and look its way, now and then?

is it my business? you don't have to tell me if you don't want to.

i feel tall enough to ride this rollercoaster.

maybe you don't see yourself the way i see you.

you understand fine. you're just too nervous to comprehend.

people fall in love in difficult circumstances. most songs are about it.

let's agree on a moratorium on questions like "how did you know?".

well, stop guessing. start knowing.

just because i'm funny doesn't mean i'm not lethal.

you're already in the game. you have no choice but to play on.

don't tell me what i want. don't put words in my mouth.

where has playing by the rules gotten you?

maybe you have more power than you think you do.

one of the lies we tell children is that reason will get them through this life.

in order to love, you have to know what death is.

as first kisses go, i've had worse.

there's such a thing as too much history.

i want to be with you, but not like this.

i'm quite forgettable. that's like, the most memorable thing about me.

do you actually believe in past lives?

this conversation requires more wine than i currently have.

is there something else you'd like to ask? i get the feeling there is.

[loosesodamarble]

Nacht vs. Nozel Part 2 (Nozel victory!)

This is a part 2 to this post. I've already posted a Nacht victory version of part 2 (as a request) but to show the fandom's favorite silver prince some love too, I decided to give Nozel a victory as well!

..........

In the time since Nozel and Nacht have started their battle for your heart, you've grown even closer with Nozel.

Because you're with the Black Bulls and he's leading the Silver Eagles, you two don't have too much spare time to spend together.

So it's a lot of letters and speaking through magic communication devices.

Often times, you don't wait for a reply and just send Nozel letters whenever you feel like you have enough to tell him.

Nozel will write you pages and pages of stuff in his letters, responding to multiple letters at once and generally wanting to share a lot with you.

One day, Nozel asks to borrow you for a mission. The Silver Eagles were investigating a dungeon that was protected with a magic darkness that only Light Magic could dispel so you were needed.

Using your Light Magic and Nozel's Mercury Magic in conjunction, lighting up the dungeon even at far distances is an easy feat.

"I used to think that I could get by on my own strength, but it's experiences like this that make me appreciate the ability to combine my strength with others'."

"I can't say it as poetically, but I like working with you too!"

For some reason, you both blush over the exchange.

You casually hang out at the Silver Eagles base frequently and it's always something new.

One day, Nozel would teach you how to play chess or some other high society board game. Another day, you'd explain several of your childhood games to Nozel while trying to encourage him to play them with you (despite most of them needing several people to play properly).

You've introduced each other to different music and literature. Despite your limited understanding of high society, Nozel once had you rolling on the floor as he explained the humor of a short story mocking political subterfuge.

Sometimes, during your visits, Nebra and Solid would poke their head in and make a remark about your "disloyalty" to the Black Bulls. "You're already so comfy here. And I bet the Silver Eagles robe would look splendid on you!" Things like that.

Nozel lets you see a side of himself that rarely anyone sees because he knows you won't judge him. He lets himself relax with you because you relax yourself with him.

Your infectious energy and positive outlook are something he finds himself holding onto in his heart.

Nozel's customary kiss on the hand as greeting makes your heart race more as time goes on. And you find yourself growing eager to have it happen every time you see each other.

And then one day, Nozel forgoes the cordial bow and simply brings your hand to his lips and looks you directly in the eyes as he gives his greeting.

Your heart practically stops because "what was that look?!?!?!?!?!"

After the party, you end up going to Nacht to talk out your feelings.

"Something about the way he looked at me made it seems more than friendly," you tell Nacht. "And I... I want that to be the case. Nacht, I think I love Nozel."

For a moment, Nacht is quiet before he finally replies, "I don't think I've seen you happier than this moment, realizing your feelings."

Nacht gives you a plan for confessing to Nozel and you doubt him at first but decide to go along with it.

The next time you and Nozel meet, Nozel of course kisses your hand. Nozel is about to let go of your hand when you grasp his back and pull him in to give a kiss on the cheek.

Nozel's faces is beat red when you do that. He clears his throat and averts his eyes while muttering, "And I thought I was being forward."

You'd tell him that it's not your fault that he played off kissing your hand as something totally non-romantic for years. He's just that refined.

Nacht would quickly give Nozel a pat on the shoulder and whisper "Don't mess this up. I won't be kind if you hurt them."

Now that you and Nozel are a couple, you both make it a point of kissing each other's hands.

[onepiece-oc-archives]

Oda-approved questions to help build your OC

If you head to the One Piece Wiki page of the Straw Hats and take a look at the Miscellaneous section, you'll find a lot of trivia questions about the Straw Hats that Eiichiro Oda, the creator of One Piece, has answered in the Q&A portion attached to some manga chapters, called an SBS. I like to call those answers "Straw Hat Fun Facts" and I love them, because they work really well if you want to flesh out your OC and give them a bit more life and depth.

So, even if you're not planning on making your OC a Straw Hat, these questions might still be helpful for you to think about.

The way I'm gonna structure this post for the sake of avoiding spoilers is I'm gonna list all current LA Straw Hats with their facts and all future confirmed Straw Hats will have their facts mentioned without their name, if it makes sense to mention them. That way you can avoid duplicates within the crew if you want to do that and still have no clue about who's gonna join. I'm also gonna comment on how the various fun facts apply to the live action adaptation wherever applicable.

If you're looking for people's birthdays, I'm gonna make another post about them, don't you worry. But you won't find them here.

Animal Resemblances

Luffy: Monkey

Zoro: Shark/Tiger

Nami: Cat

Usopp: Armadillo/Chameleon

Sanji: Duck/Bighorn Sheep

Others: Reindeer, Red Panda, Crane, Falcon, Bull, Rhinoceros, Horse, Giraffe, Whale Shark, Bear

I don't think any of them were mentioned or referenced just yet in the live action, aside from Luffy's name having the word Monkey in it, but that doesn't count. I'm pretty sure we'll get some hints in the future though since these just have such great potential for easter eggs.

Specific Numbers

Now, this is a category that's a bit more complicated because each Straw Hat has at least two signature numbers, for very different reasons. Everyone has a main number based on when they joined, with Luffy being number 1. The second number is the same but it skips Luffy, making Zoro number 1, but this version is rarely used, if ever at all. Then there's the possibility of a Straw Hat getting a number assigned to them based on a pun, whether that be based on their name, their devil fruit, or something entirely different. I'll explain pun numbers in a bracket.

Luffy: 01, 56 (go-mu)

Zoro: 02/01

Nami: 03/02, 73 (na-mi)

Usopp: 04/03

Sani: 05/04, 32 (san-ji), 59 (ko-kku = cook)

Others: 06/05 - 10/09, 110, 87, 26, 43

Now, you may ask: "Evie, I wanna have a pun number for my OC, how do they work?" I got you, buddy. You can make your own pun numbers using a technique called goroawase, using this handy chart I made based on a Wikipedia chart. Everything I added is in (brackets) and consists of variants that would technically be possible due to my own understanding of goroawase, but might not be commonly used.

On a very basic level, all you have to do to create your pun number is to grab the readings from this table and glue them together. I took some work off your shoulders by adding the phonetic changes you can use, indicated by the arrows. You can also only use the first syllable of a reading or add or remove an n at the end of readings that end in vowels or n's. As you can see whith Sanji's ko-kku, you can duplicate consonants, and you can also turn short vowels into long vowels (tsu -> tsū, for example), both for spelling reasons. If you need to transcribe a c, either use an s or a k (or whatever else fits), depending on the pronunciation.

Here are some examples with my OCs:

Cora: 96 (ko-ra) or 25510 (a-ka-i-to - would be very unusual due to its number of digits, but I think I'll use this as a plot device in a future fic!)

Luna: 67 (lu-na/ru-na)

Inari: 576 (i-na-ri) or 53 (ka-mi)

Create away!

Specific Colors

This was in the live action! And I think we'll definitely see something similar again later.

You can't really see it that well but here are Luffy, Nami and Zoro lit up in their respective colors - red, orange and green respectively! I tried to take a better screenshot but, alas, Netflix will not let me.

Luffy: red (aka)

Zoro: green (midori)

Nami: orange (orenjī)

Usopp: yellow (kiiro)

Sanji: blue (ao)

Others: pink (pinku), purple (murasaki), light blue (mizuiro), white (shiro), black (kuro), ochre (ōdoiro)

As you can see, we pretty much have the whole rainbow here, which makes picking a unique color for your OC pretty hard, BUT it's completely allowed to use different shades of the same color (see: blue vs light blue), which is why I listed the Japanese color names for you. I did some digging and it turns out that these are the names of some of Japan's traditional colors. Those traditional colors don’t always match up with what my impression of the character's color is, BUT I made this handy little graphic for you:

In case there are any animal-related characters around and for those of you who like describing smells in their fanfic (me too, me too), this might be very useful!

These are all of the Straw Hats' specific colors (top row) according to the overview of Japanese traditional colors I linked for you above, their color names underlined with my perception of what color Oda might actually have been referring to, in modern terms. As for the grey names beneath orange and pink, those are the traditional colors from the overview that I used to replace the romanized English colors, based on what the first translation that popped up was. The columns directly underneath are a selection of different shades of the same color, also with their names. It just goes to show that you have a huge variety of colors to choose from for your OC - Japan's traditional colors alone are about 1,000 different colors and you can definitely play with hex codes some more. So, go wild!

Specific Smells

Luffy: meat

Zoro: steel (and probably blood, let’s be honest)

Nami: mikan (tangerines, essentially) and money

Usopp: gunpowder

I'd say everyone smells of the sea at least a little bit, realistically speaking, since they are pirates.

Sanji: cigarettes and seafood (and I'm willing to bet he wears some type of cologne or aftershave or something)

Favourite Type of Island and Season

Luffy: summer but he also loves snow, basically everywhere with meat

Zoro: autumn on an autumn island

Nami: summer on a spring island

Usopp: summer on an autumn island

Favourite Food

Sanji: a spoilery gag, so get creative!

We either directly see some of these in the live action or can easily guess.

Luffy: any kind of meat

Zoro: white rice (specifically in the shape of onigiri aka rice balls), sea beast meat, any food that compliments sake (though he's also pretty fond of beer, at least in the live action)

Nami: mikans (tangerines) and most other fruits

Usopp: pike from an autumn island and other fish of the season

Sanji: spicy sea food pasta, food that compliments black tea

Others: not really relevant but maybe interesting; cotton candy, chocolate, sweet stuff in general, sandwiches, not-too-sweet cakes, food that compliments coffee, basically anything that you can find at McDonald's, curry, mozoku seaweed with vinegar and fruits

Basically, Sanji gets to juggle around a whole lot of different flavours and cultural influences - and he does it really well and finds a way to make everything special, by the way! He generally favors the ladies in his cooking though.

Least Favourite Food

Even Sanji can't make them like everything. Their reasons for not liking something are very different, so they probably still eat it, especially if it's used in something Sanji prepared because he's their cook

Luffy: Cherry pie

Zoro: Chocolate (yes, chocolate! Adds a lot more depth to the scene of him eating Rika's rice balls, doesn't it?) - it's too sweet

Nami: orangette (candied orange peels) - she prefers actual fruit

Usopp: mushrooms - he got sick once

Sanji: konjac (Japanese konjac gel is usually made by mixing flour from the konjac plant with seaweed; it pretty much tastes like nothing and is used mainly for its texture) - it's not nutritious

Others: anything spicy, chewing gum, marshmallows, lemons, parfait

As a Family

This is part of the reason why Oda said there would be no romances within the crew in canon - but this is fandom, he has no power here. Feel free to ignore any of these roles and substitute canon with your own

Luffy: fourth son

Zoro: first son

Nami: daughter

Usopp: third son

Sanji: second son

Others: another child, parents and grandparents

Real-world Nationalities

Now, this is interesting, because these played a part in how the Straw Hats were cast for the live action!

Luffy: Brazilian (Mexican in the live action)

Zoro: Japanese

Nami: Swedish (her actress is American, but she was kept as white)

Usopp: unspecified African (his actor is Jamaican-American, so it sort of checks out)

Sanji: French (Sanji's actor is very international, but he's not French - I do believe Sanji is still supposed to be at least part French in the live action though, at least he still has an affinity for the language and he may very well have grown up multilingual)

Others: Canadian, Russian, American, Austrian, Indian

Inner Brain

Basically: What are the five words their brain/subconscious circles around?

Luffy: meat, meat, meat, meat, pirate king

Zoro: sword, sword, strength, train, sleep

Nami: money, money, money, money, beauty

Usopp: warrior, lies, lies, run, run

Suited Flower

Sanji: You guessed it, it's a spoiler-y gag. But, to summarize, he thinks about cooking and women

These were actually answered by one of the voice actresses for the anime (except for Luffy and Zoro's alternates) but they're Oda-approved! I know fanfic writers love flower language, so rejoice!

Luffy: cosmos, sunflower

Zoro: thistle, wisteria

Nami: sunflower

Usopp: daisy

Sanji: delphinium

Others: tulip, casablanca, anemone, rose, peony

Blood Type

-> this is a topic for another post since it's more of a life fact than a fun fact, isn't it? Maybe, I'll put the blood types in with the birthdays and make a sort of Straw Hat info post?

How often do they bathe?

Bathe, not shower, I would assume. Zoro showers after training... right?

Luffy: once a week

Zoro: once a week

Nami: every day

Usopp: once every three days

Sanji: every day

Typical Hours of Sleep

The only reference to this we have in the live action is Zoro's habit of napping. An interesting thing to note is that the Straw Hats' sleep schedules largely coincide in just such a way that someone is always awake - except for during one hour. Maybe this really is a coincidence or maybe this is a habit they built while travelling together. They do still have night watches though, I believe. But that means there's usually always someone to keep the night watch company :)

Luffy: no set time, but usually sleeps around 5 hours

Zoro: 4am to 7am (3 hours) + naps

Nami: 11pm to 7am (8 hours)

Usopp: 1am to 8am (7 hours)

Sanji: 12am to 5am (5 hours)

In conclusion, more than half of the crew has no idea what a healthy sleep schedule is. This is a pattern that's gonna continue, by the way...

Suitable Careers

Basically what careers they would have if they weren't pirates. Their actual careers in-universe also don't count.

Luffy: firefighter

Zoro: police officer (I will not accept this slander)

Nami: childcare worker

Usopp: graphic designer

Sanji: beauty salon worker

Others: elementary school teacher, cabin attendant, pilot, detective, train station attendant

Cooking Specialities

What are they best at cooking? According to Usopp in the live action, none of the guys besides Sanji can even boil water, so I'm willing to assume Sanji may have taught them a little. A lot. Not Luffy though. He's still a disaster.

Luffy: raw meat on a plate

Zoro: sashimi - a dish consisting of variously cut raw fish and meat

Nami: roasted duck with mikan sauce

Usopp: fish and chips

Sanji: literally anything, but he prefers seafood

Who would win a 50m sprint?

Only the current Straw Hats count here.

Fifth: Nami

Fourth: Usopp (he's already fairly fast, mind you)

Third: Zoro, slowed down because he got lost (but I still don’t think he could beat the people ranked higher than him, I'm sorry, Oda)

Second: Luffy

First: Sanji

Alcohol Tolerance

Another very useful one for fanfics! Tolerance doesn't equal how much they like drinking, by the way. I'd be willing to bet that the Straw Hats' alcohol tolerances got toned down in the live action, or at least Zoro's, judging by him stating how he woke up under a table once. With his manga-level tolerance, he would have had to drink gallons worth of alcoholic beverages before that happened. Still, I think the ranking holds up.

Fifth: Luffy

Fourth: Usopp

Third: Sanji

Second: Nami

First: Zoro

And finally one last bit that doesn't really fit anywhere else:

Sanji is currently the most qualified to give the crew a haircut. This makes sense if you read about his alternative career choice earlier and due to him generally putting a lot of thought into appearances.

So, that's it! Hope these help you!

[blingblong55]

Last Words of a Shooting Star-141+Los Vaqueros

pt.1

Heard you liked the first part, so heres this one!

Gn!reader, platonic!relationship

In the span of 5 months the team had lost all control of any other operation. Laswell let Price know it was time to take things easy. It happened when Soap and Gaz committed a few mistakes on a short operation that had happened a week after you arrival. "my men can do this." he protested, "No, and I can't have any casualties happen on my watch, you take care of your people and when all is good...I'll make and evaluation and put you back on the field. Take it slow." was all she had said. Ghost was furious, not even a 'are they okay' or anything, he started to understand why Alex had left.

3 months you had been gone out of their site. 2 months of recovery and many arguments between the team had occurred. 1 month of you being awake and fully conscious.

"it was all your fault. You had to get them away, didn't ya?" Gaz had spoken to a already upset Price. They had all been drinking that night. Except Ghost and Soap. Those two never left your side, if one had to shower the other would look after you.

Soap:

Tears left his already tired eyes.

It was only to you that he had full conversations with, always telling jokes to see your eyes shine once more.

Every morning he would take off and prepare you breakfast, the same one you would make him when he was in recovery for a wound.

"This time I added my mums recipe, and that awful syrup we have." he'd say, earning a small chuckle from you.

"Where would I be without my mactavish?" your smile brightening your friends soul. "Not alive, for sure."

It was always a joke, that if either of you got injured the other would be the servant, and it was their duty to make jokes of the situation.

When Alejandro was in the room, he would like to butcher his Spanish.

"thats not how you say it, pendejo!"

God did your giggles bring joy to him

he would do anything that was too stupid just to get a reaction off of you.

Gaz:

He resented price for so long, until the night you and him talked about it, eventually you told him "it wasn't on him, or you. This time it was just a minor fuck up."

He drank a lot, he wasn't a drinker before, but now he is.

You rarely saw him, it was always blowing off steam or training with Ghost.

He and Ghost were secretly planning revenge.

Although he was upset at you, for reasons he still wasn't sure about, you always woke up to fresh flowers and get well balloons.

When he was upset about how he'd been treating you, he would usually go back to your room, and play your music. It was therapy for him.

I know people say he is all fun and games, but for a long time he wasn't. His whole demeanor had changed, and it was for the worst.

At times he let Ghost hurt him, he thought maybe he can earn all of the pain you went through this way.

He stopped crying once you woke up. But that didn't mean his heart ached for his best friend.

Price:

he blamed himself for it all.

Never did he step in your room.

He stopped smoking, swore he needed to clear his head, but in reality, it was you who smoked with him. His mouth in his cigar, a cigarette on yours. Telling stories and laughing.

You were a mini him, his best version of himself.

He behind everyones back caught the main guy, and while he was out "gathering intel for the hopeful next mission" he would go down to a safe house. For hours he would beat the shit out of the man.

Although Gaz blamed him for it all and for most he knew it was him to blame, everyone saw him calm, he slept better at night. Even apologized to Gaz for the pain he had caused.

While you were in recovery, he would ask the medical staff on updates.

He sent you flowers, but he would keep one, and once he would notice the flower was dying, he would buy more.

He added more security around base, men always stood outside of your room.

He installed cameras everywhere, and unfortunately he saw his team fall apart, he saw how soap was running out of energy, how Gaz walked into your room and cried, how Ghost though mighty and strong lost his strength, the person who was sunshine and hope soon became the kryptonite.

When alone, he would look at your file, and sometimes stare at pictures where you held enemies or evidence in your arms. Your smile wide, your team stood proud, "what a life you've lived, kid" he would whisper, regret coming back and making him cry.

Alejandro:

Much like price, he kept one of the men that had tortured you

He took his sweet time torturing that man, sometimes he would forget blood was smeared on his body.

"¿qué es eso?" Rudy would ask, "mi almuerzo" he'd respond.

He would rarely be with you instead he would always busy himself cleaning your room.

One time some stupid rookie started playing Amor Eterno (super sad song in Spanish..thanks google,,,now its ME crying).

He started crying because he imagined a life where you weren't there, one where you had never made it out of the infirmary.

I don't think anyone understands how much you resembled his family, your stories where your family didn't treat you right and how you had found comfort in his family.

You so smart but so dumb when it came to common sense.

Much like his little sisters, they lacked common sense, good thing you knew more.

Rudy:

He would call his mom, asked for any soup recipe she can give. And he would make it for you.

"Una vez que comas esto, comenzarás a sentirte mejor." he would say as you were fed by him and soap.

After a while of looking he would find the photograph of you and his siblings. He carried it everywhere.

This man was the one who sneaked you out to go look at the stars, your excuse was "this is a comet that passes once in a lifetime, por favor rudy, si te gusto, harás esto conmigo."

He read to you after he heard from the medics you had night terrors.

You made him promise to not look for revenge, it was stupid and not kind. "You'll get hurt, hermano."

Yes at time he cried but it stopped very soon.

Rudy also changed, he wasn't so kind or at least he tried looking rough, this man has a kind look in his eyes so it was hard to change his stereotype.

As comfort he brought his blanket replacing the one the staff had given you.

Lots of hugs because he also needed reassurance of your current state, (don't you dare tell me he isn't like this bc I know he is)

Ghost:

He rarely slept, the bags under his eyes called him out. and after much hesitation, he slept, but only when he was around you.

The days he trained with Gaz, he thought of you. His best soldier and only family member (I know he has the other guys but the bond you and him had created was further from any of his relationships with the other men)

On some of your bad days he would go and collect a small flowers, it was a promise he had to fulfill, "if either you or I get hurt, we get small flowers and hide them in Soaps awful hair." "agree" he grins at the commitment, so small but so important to him.

One time he found out what price had hidden, so he followed him and once price was back at base, he took his round with the man. He made sure to keep him close to death and near life.

Every night when soap would go out, he would sing to you. "Gosh you need lessons Simon" you would joke. "as if your voice wasn't;t worse" he replied.

Beautiful boy was the one song you two sang when needed, only 3 times has that song been sung, and the next one would be at either yours or his funeral.

He hugged you without every hurting you, he told jokes and stories. The ones only he and the stars had heard, you like the comet were an anomaly, a once in a lifetime listener.

He showed you how to mask the scars he knew you'd be conscience about, "now lift the sleeve and turn it up a little." he instructed and watched as you got desperate and gave up.

"such loser mentality." "shut up."

A/n: I'm so glad you all enjoyed the first part. Thank you for reading this one too!

REQUEST ARE OPEN!!

[faggotmox]

Show You How To Do This

Fandom: All Elite Wrestling (AEW) Rating: Explicit Characters: Jon Moxley, Claudio Castagnoli, (background) Bryan Danielson, Wheeler Yuta, Blackpool Combat Club, BCC Relationships: Jon Moxley/Claudio Castagnoli, background BCC Polycule Summary: Claudio shaves Mox's head before their match in Mexico. Word Count: 1,847 Writer's Notes: Shout out to @di0brando for proof reading/editing. You're the best. Yes, I know Yuta wasn't there but I pretend the whole BCC travels together like a weird version of Stark Tower in Marvel.

-> link to ao3

Show You How To Do This

"Damn it." Mox grunted as he dropped the clippers in his hand again, hunched over the hotel bathroom sink.

"You know," Claudio spoke up from the door that was supposed to be closed. "I could always help with that."

"Hey!" Mox glared at the reflection of his teammate. "I told everyone to stay the fuck out."

"I know." Claudio nodded along. "I got Bryan and Yuta to go for a run."

"You did?" Mox glanced behind the large man in his doorway.

"Yes, I did." Claudio crossed his arms over his chest. "Will you let me help you now?"

It wasn't that Mox was an insecure person, he didn't think his guys would suddenly think he was ugly without the little hair he kept. Mostly Mox just didn't like to change his appearance, and finally committing to the bald look was a pretty big change for him. Even if there wasn’t much hair left to remove. Mox knew he was sexy with or without hair, he just needed some time to adjust before everyone else got to see. He was the same with his tattoos as well, never telling people he was getting one and just letting himself adjust to it before the world got to have their opinion.

"…Sure." Mox let his shoulders slump. "It's the mirror. I can't figure out what way to go, you know?"

"Trust me, I know." Claudio smiled as he came further into the bathroom, letting the door close behind him despite being alone in the hotel. "Thank you for allowing me to help you."

"I should've just asked. I wanted to, but…" Mox gave a shrug.

"You do not like the change, I can understand that. You've never been keen on changing how you look." Claudio reiterated the thoughts that had flown through Mox's mind just moments before.

"You want me to sit or something?" Mox motioned to the closed toilet or the edge of the bath.

"No, it's alright. I'm tall enough." Claudio grinned at the annoyed look that got him. "I want to show you how to do this as well."

"Cool. Thanks." Mox smiled just a little into the mirror at Claudio.

It wasn't going to be a long process. Claudio started by explaining how the clippers worked before taking off all of Mox's fringe and then smoothing out the short fade. More hair fell away than Mox really expected as Claudio showed him which direction to run the clippers for the cleanest cut. The easy way Claudio fell into showing him made Mox feel more comfortable, more at ease. The large man had that effect on him more often than not.

The last of the length was cut away so Mox only had peach fuzz left.

"I'll get you an electric razor like mine to make this part easier, but…" Claudio couldn't help laughing at the fact Mox just had a safety razor. "You would have nicked yourself, darling."

"Shut up." Mox turned red. "I already did." He pointed to a little cut at the edge near his ear where he had clearly just tried and failed.

"Here. We'll use this instead." Claudio pulled out his dopp kit from near the sink to get out his straight razor and shaving cream.

"Have you been planning this?" Mox narrowed his eyes at the razor. "You don't cut your beard with a razor and you use the fancy waterproof one on your head in the shower."

"I may have noticed some things and decided to carry these around in case you asked for my help." Claudio at least looked abashed by being caught.

"Uh-huh." Mox turned to look directly up at Claudio. "You've been thinking about shaving me?"

"I-- you--" Claudio got flustered and had to look away.

"Is this the same reason why you talked Bryan and Wheeler into letting you groom their beards before shows, and do Bryan's braids?" Mox pressed himself slightly closer, even though there wasn't enough room.

"I simply know what I'm doing, and want to help." Claudio was turning a little red as Mox put his hand on the back of the larger man's neck.

"You always just wanna help, big guy." Mox's voice dropped slightly and Claudio pushed him up against the counter. "I think it's pretty hot when you do that shit."

"Jon…" Claudio sighed as he leaned into the other, his lips ghosting over Mox's ear as he tried to compose himself a little. "We need to finish."

"Think you can wait that long, Swiss?" Mox nipped at the underside of the chiseled jaw of Claudio.

"Stop trying to distract me." Claudio groaned as he worked to spin Mox back around.

"Fine, fine. Hurry up." Mox grumbled as he let himself be turned.

The shaving cream was applied lightly over Mox's head. The sensual feeling was a surprise to Mox. Maybe this was why Bryan and Yuta always seemed centered after Claudio groomed them. A shiver ran through Mox as he thought of it like that. Claudio was grooming them. The way Claudio made a lot of their gear, or at the very least tailored it, or how he always cooked for them, and helped them train. There was always a service Claudio provided them with an expert level of awareness.

"So, you always known you had a grooming fetish?" Mox held still but laughed at the incredulous look that earned him.

"Have you always known you were a brat?" Claudio shot back much to Mox's glee.

"Yeah, actually." Mox looked even more smug now as Claudio cleared the back of his head with slow, gentle, efficient strokes of the razor.

"Can you be patient for a few more minutes while I finish?" Claudio rolled his eyes as he moved onto the sides.

"Yes, daddy, I can." Mox's voice dripped sweet sarcasm.

"You're impossible."

The rest didn't take long. A few clean sweeps over the top. A couple touch ups. They were done. Mox blinked at himself in the mirror, reaching up to touch his scalp. It wasn't bad, he realized. It looked nice thanks to Claudio's careful touch. Mox had been terrified of obliterating part of his beard. There weren't any rough patches either. He let out a huge sigh of relief that he didn't realize he was holding in.

"You look good, Jon." Claudio smiled, leaning down to kiss the top of Mox's now-bald head.

"Thanks to you. I'd have missed patches and cut myself." Mox grinned as he rubbed along the side.

"You'll learn." Claudio nudged him.

"Maybe, but I'd rather you do it." Mox smiled at the excitement that got from Claudio.

"You're very sweet sometimes." Claudio took Mox by the hand and pulled him towards the shower. "I know you must be itchy."

"Fuck yeah, I'm itchy." Mox groaned dramatically as Claudio turned the shower on.

"Let's get you cleaned off." Claudio agreed.

They made quick work of what little clothes they had on before popping into the shower. Claudio was quick to press Mox up against the wall as the warm water cascaded down their bodies. The soft little moans Mox always made when he was being manhandled turned into full blown groans as Claudio worked two fingers into him. Thankfully, they kept a stash of lube in the shower. Claudio's teeth found the webbing of Mox's shoulder and neck and decided to leave some marks there. A claim of sorts.

"Fuck, fuck. Claudio, I swear to god, if you're teasing me--" Mox grunted as he pushed on the wall to add more pressure against Claudio's fingers.

"I'm not." Claudio mumbled against his skin as a third finger slipped in to make Mox howl. "Shh, relax."

"Can't fuckin' relax when you just spent thirty minutes grooming me and shit." Mox sighed again as Claudio slipped three fingers in and out of him. "God damn. That feels so fucking good, man."

"Jon." Claudio's warning tone, like he might snap if Mox kept it up. So of course Mox kept it up.

"You're fucking sexy as hell standing over me, shaving me and making sure I look good." Mox grinned to himself as he felt Claudio move his leg, making him put a foot up on the corner edge of the shower. "Fuck yeah."

"If you ever want your chest hair gone again…" Claudio wrapped an arm around Mox to run his fingers through said chest hair as the other hand lined himself up with Mox's hole and started to push in.

"Fuck!" Mox yelled out as he felt himself being filled.

There was almost no way to shut Mox up when he was really into something unless you gagged him. Considering it was the middle of the day in their hotel, Claudio decided not to care much, and started to thrust into the smaller man with a lot more force. The increased volume from Mox only spurred Claudio on, his thrusts staying annoyingly in rhythm when Mox tried to get him to speed up.

"Stay still." Claudio growled. "You'll slip."

"Fuck me harder then!" Mox had both hands trying to grip onto the unforgiving wall, face pressed against the cool tile as he was thoroughly fucked.

Claudio shifted his stance, using the tub walls to brace against as he focused on harder, more direct thrusts that made Mox go insane. The man was practically melting in Claudio's arms. They were both so close. Claudio could feel the urgent squeeze of Mox's inner walls. One of Mox's hands was grabbed and shoved between the wall and his body, signaling for him to start jerking himself off while Claudio held them up.

"Fuck, yes, keep going! That's it." Mox cried out and threw his head back as he came all over the shower wall with only a few tugs.

Claudio stilled, cursing to himself in his own language as he rode out Mox's orgasm with him. If he kept going he knew he'd come too, and he knew Mox loved being fucked after he got his. As Mox went boneless, Claudio shifted them to face the wall with the shower head, he pushed at Mox's shoulders until he bent over with his hands braced on the wall.

"Wider." Claudio pushed the other's legs apart until they were against the walls of the tub. "There. Hold on."

"To fuckin' what?"

Instead of answering, Claudio gripped Mox's hips and started to amp back up to a rough pace. The low whine from Mox set Claudio on edge as he sped up his thrusts. There was no holding back anymore as Claudio got closer and Mox got louder. Claudio finally came with a heavy moan, fully bottomed out in Mox, spilling into him as they both gasped heavy breathes.

"Fuck." Mox felt himself being pulled up to standing as the water ran down his front.

"Fuck." Claudio mumbled in agreement as he came down slowly. "Okay, we should actually wash up before the others get back.”

"Jeez. Give a guy a minute." Mox grunted as he found his footing in the shower.

"You never need a minute." Claudio scoffed.

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook: Clingy 🔞 [Part 7]

In which Jungkook slowly tries to live again, which is a lot easier with someone as bright and full of life like you at his side.

Tags/Warnings: Hybrid AU, Wolf hybrid!Jungkook, Otter hybrid!Reader, Angst, strangers to lovers

Additional Chapter Warnings: Fluff, it's disgusting really

Length: short

-> Masterlist

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Throughout his life, Jungkook had always been a people-pleaser.

It's easier to just do as told than to make your own decisions, he's learned. Every choice made by himself bears the possibility of consequences he won't be comfortable with, after all. It's scary, even now, as an adult. But looking at you, he feels as if those consequences can't ever be worse than the idea of not having you at his side.

What are you at this point?

He's not sure because he's never truly asked you out, and neither did you. He knows he's pretty much clinging to you like glue, but do you feel the same way?

You're currently holding onto his arm like a lifeline, and he's come to learn that it's simply otter-behavior. Or at least he tells himself it's nothing more than that to not get his hopes up too high, or his emotions from overflowing. You just need something to hold on to, and he's conveniently an alpha wolf hybrid, known to emit a strong and calming presence.

"Oh, I love those!" You say, pulling Jungkook with you to the candy isle at the small food store. "I'm gonna stock up on those. I love chewing on them whenever I'm feeling like a pup that's going through teething again." You laugh, putting two bags of the hybrid snack into your basket before you hold onto Jungkook's arm again.

You're so effortlessly cute in his eyes.

"Have you talked to a dentist about that?" He wonders quietly. "There might be something going on if your teeth hurt." He asks, but you shake your head.

"No, they don't hurt-" you explain as you both walk past an elderly couple that stares after you with fond gazes. "-Its a mental thing, I believe. Like stress-relief!" You tell him, and he nods. He can understand that. When he was a pup, he went through phases like that too. It's interesting that you've not gotten over those phases yet it seems.

"Can I ask why you're so clingy with me?" He wonders calmly as you put all the things you want to buy out to be scanned by the young worker.

"Well, first of all I'm an otter, and we're just.. like that, I guess." You shrug. "And second of all, you're my boyfriend now, right?" You ask, gaze lifted up at him.

He blinks, once, twice, before he fully registers what you'd just said.

He's your boyfriend.

He's your boyfriend.

You're his girlfriend.

He doesn't know why that makes him turn a little red. Why it makes him shy of all things. He's an alpha wolf working in the adult companion industry. Or rather worked, past tense. Still. It's odd how.. nice it feels.

"Oh." He just says after a moment, nodding to himself. "I.. see." He mumbles, while you laugh next to him, squeaking in delight. "What?" He asks, and you just shove his body a little playfully.

"Nothing." You simply say, amused by his reaction.

Later that day, he finds you clinging onto him as you sleep at night like he's your lifeline, and this time, he knows it's not just instinct for you. You like him, enjoy his company for more than just pleasure, and he feels incredibly proud to be the one you chose to be with, despite his awkwardness and controversial past.

He wants to be his best version of himself for you, he decides, as he presses a quiet kiss to your head.

He's going to be the best mate ever.