#the shocker of a fucking century

[murdererofthumbs]

Seeing reactions after this episode is actually slightly hysterical? It proves that this fandom can be so blind-sighted by characters relations, that they forget what show they are watching. Like, I have always been a self-proclaimed Roman-girl, because I find him compelling and extremely psychologically interesting, and like all of these characters, to a certain extent, I do empathise with him on the level of trauma that he went through. But why the fuck are people surprised that THIS is how he behaved in this episode is beyond me. Oh, suddenly Roman is dead to you because he behaved in the way that was very much consistent with who he is? That’s who all of these people are, like come on, what do we think we are watching here? You didn’t really think he will suddenly become a defender of democracy because it serves a greater good of the country? He was the one to fucking choose Mencken as a president, he cherry-picked him for Logan, because he knew that their views align, that Mencken will be a smart business decision. This whole thing is a transactional procedure - they needed to get someone who will be willing to serve their corrupt interests. Roman doesn’t see a problem in having fascist as a president, because he will never be touched by the consequences of having that kind of man in power. He is very much safe at the top of the mountain, and who the fuck cares what will happen to the peasants at the bottom of the chain? In this way, he imitates Logan the most, because in the end of the day, people are units to him, to all of them really, some of them are just more willing to admit this than others.

Also, like, “uuu, Roman was such a misogynist to Shiv this episode, he just didn’t listen to her at all”. Look, can we stop being delusional here for a second or is it some sort of selective memory situation? Roman is a misogynist. Kendall is a misogynist. Shiv, in fact, has a lot of internalised misogyny going on, and her being a woman never stopped her from pushing other women under the fucking bus, so let’s be real here for a second. And that is not to be said in defence of Roman, frankly nothing what I’m saying here is supposed to justify his behaviour in this or any other episode, but it’s more of like… reality check? I know that Roman’s self-destructive spiral and semi-decent behaviour at the beginning of this season might have clouded certain aspects of who he is, but please, go back to season 3 and count all the instances of him throwing misogynistic and, frequently incestuous jokes and innuendo, at Shiv? How many times he undermines her position on the basis of her being a woman? Or how Kendall, for that matter, uses similar arguments in 03x02? All the siblings use aspects of each other as weapons. Kendall is undermined because he is unstable, because he is a drug-addict, because he has a tendency of flying off on the cloud of mania, and crashing in the heap of depression. Shiv is crossed out because she is a woman, because she frankly has no real experience in the firm (which, although people might be super angry about that, because she is such a “girlboss” apparently, but this is a factual argument), because of her relationship to Tom and tendency to take several sides at the same time (with not much thought put into it). And Roman is frequently undermined because he is a freak and a pervert, because “there is something wrong with him”, because he is the weakest dog that is most easily manipulated, who crumples like a wet tissue if only to receive a bit of affection. They all weaponise their “weak” points against each other, because this dog-eats-dog mindset is focal to who they are as a family, to how they were brought up, to how Logan wanted them to be. So please, let’s not be surprised, when Roman suddenly uses misogyny as an argument against Shiv, because it’s not sudden at all, and it’s always been there.

I think what we have on our hands, is the same situation we had in 03x07 during Kendall’s birthday (and previous episode with Mencken), where some people are so outraged by Roman, and by his ability to shove the knife where it hurts, that they suddenly cross him out completely. Again, all these characters are bad people, there was never any doubt about that. They are compelling because of the complexities of their familial relationships, because of their childhood trauma and the consequences that this trauma has on them as adults. But they are still completely reprehensible as human beings, and I think some viewers forget about that and then get outraged when show about awful people features awful people. And I’m sure, either in next or final episode, something will happen and Roman will become sympathetic again, and he will regain his position as a “poor meow meow”, just as he did in the finale of season 3. Its always a fucking carousel with this character and people get sucked in and have their eye’s covered just to realise that nothing really changed, and nothing will change, because in this show people, at their core, remain the same.

[intheholler]

the appalachian murder ballad <3 one of the most interesting elements of americana and american folk, imo!

my wife recently gave me A Look when i had one playing in the car and she was like, "why do all of these old folk songs talk about killing people lmao" and i realized i wanted to Talk About It at length.

nerd shit under the cut, and it's long. y'all been warned

so, as y'all probably know, a lot of appalachian folk music grew its roots in scottish folk (and then was heavily influenced by Black folks once it arrived here, but that's a post for another time).

they existed, as most folk music does, to deliver a narrative--to pass on a story orally, especially in communities where literacy was not widespread. their whole purpose was to get the news out there about current events, and everyone loves a good murder mystery!

as an aside, i saw someone liken the murder ballad to a ye olde true crime podcast and tbh, yeah lol.

the "original" murder ballads started back across the pond as news stories printed on broadsheets and penned in such a way that it was easy to put to melody.

they were meant to be passed on and keep the people informed about the goings-on in town. i imagine that because these songs were left up to their original orators to get them going, this would be why we have sooo many variations of old folk songs.

naturally then, almost always, they were based on real events, either sung from an outside perspective, from the killer's perspective and in some cases, from the victim's. of course, like most things from days of yore, they reek of social dogshit. the particular flavor of dogshit of the OG murder ballad was misogyny.

so, the murder ballad came over when the english and scots-irish settlers did. in fact, a lot of the current murder ballads are still telling stories from centuries ago, and, as is the way of folk, getting rewritten and given new names and melodies and evolving into the modern recordings we hear today.

305 such scottish and english ballads were noted and collected into what is famously known as the Child Ballads collected by a professor named francis james child in the 19th century. they have been reshaped and covered and recorded a million and one times, as is the folk way.

while newer ones continued to largely fit the formula of retelling real events and murder trials (such as one of my favorite ones, little sadie, about a murderer getting chased through the carolinas to have justice handed down), they also evolved into sometimes fictional, (often unfortunately misogynistic) cautionary tales.

perhaps the most famous examples of these are omie wise and pretty polly where the woman's death almost feels justified as if it's her fault (big shocker).

but i digress. in this way, the evolution of the murder ballad came to serve a similar purpose as the spooky legends of appalachia did/do now.

(why do we have those urban legends and oral traditions warning yall out of the woods? to keep babies from gettin lost n dying in them. i know it's a fun tiktok trend rn to tell tale of spooky scary woods like there's really more haints out here than there are anywhere else, but that's a rant for another time too ain't it)

so, the aforementioned little sadie (also known as "bad lee brown" in some cases) was first recorded in the 1920s. i'm also plugging my favorite female-vocaist cover of it there because it's superior when a woman does it, sorry.

it is a pretty straightforward murder ballad in its content--in the original version, the guy kills a woman, a stranger or his girlfriend sometimes depending on who is covering it.

but instead of it being a cautionary 'be careful and don't get pregnant or it's your fault' tale like omie wise and pretty polly, the guy doesn't get away with it, and he's not portrayed as sympathetic like the murderer is in so many ballads.

a few decades after, women started saying fuck you and writing their own murder ballads.

in the 40s, the femme fatale trope was in full swing with women flipping the script and killing their male lovers for slights against them instead.

men began to enter the "find out" phase in these songs and paid up for being abusive partners. women regained their agency and humanity by actually giving themselves an active voice instead of just being essentially 'fridged in the ballads of old.

her majesty dolly parton even covered plenty of old ballads herself but then went on to write the bridge, telling the pregnant-woman-in-the-murder-ballad's side of things for once. love her.

as a listener, i realized that i personally prefer these modern covers of appalachian murder ballads sung by women-led acts like dolly and gillian welch and even the super-recent crooked still especially, because there is a sense of reclamation, subverting its roots by giving it a woman's voice instead.

meaning that, like a lot else from the problematic past, the appalachian murder ballad is something to be enjoyed with critical ears. violence against women is an evergreen issue, of course, and you're going to encounter a lot of that in this branch of historical music.

but with folk songs, and especially the murder ballad, being such a foundational element of appalachian history and culture and fitting squarely into the appalachian gothic, i still find them important and so, so interesting

i do feel it's worth mentioning that there are "tamer" ones. with traditional and modern murder ballads alike, some of them are just for "fun," like a murder mystery novel is enjoyable to read; not all have a message or retell a historical trial.

(for instance, i'd even argue ultra-modern, popular americana songs like hell's comin' with me is a contemporary americana murder ballad--being sung by a male vocalist and having evolved from being at the expense of a woman to instead being directed at a harmful and corrupt church. that kind of thing)

in short: it continues to evolve, and i continue to eat that shit up.

anyway, to leave off, lemme share with yall my personal favorite murder ballad which fits squarely into murder mystery/horror novel territory imo.

it's the 10th child ballad and was originally known as "the twa sisters." it's been covered to hell n back and named and renamed.

but! if you listen to any flavor of americana, chances are high you already know it; popular names are "the dreadful wind and rain" and sometimes just "wind and rain."

in it, a jealous older sister pushes her other sister into a river (or stream, or sea, depending on who's covering it) over a dumbass man. the little sister's body floats away and a fiddle maker come upon her and took parts of her body to make a fiddle of his own. the only song the new fiddle plays is the tale about how it came to be, and it is the same song you have been listening to until then.

how's that for genuinely spooky-scary appalachia, y'all?

[simpinformonkies]

hiiii niiiilllooooooo

howzabout a wukong or macaque x celestial monkey reader? :3

I FUCKING GOT YOU FAM! I'll do Wukong for this one.

WUKONG

-He came to a random island when he was younger to steal some fruits for his master during the journey (Tripitaka had complained about being hungry) and had been about to swipe a crisp, red apple when you came barreling towards him with sharp claws, fluffed fur and bared teeth.

-You were a Celestial Primate- one of the only four in the world- and were pissed to find Sun motherfucking Wukong on your island- worse, he was attempting to steal YOUR FOOD!

-You wanted nothing to do with the monkey, not after his 'havoc in heaven', and practically told him as such, words spitting pure, undultured poison at the other monkey.

-But, you were not heartless, and allowed Wukong to leave your island unharmed... only to realize, hours later, that the bastard monkey stole your damn apples! you were furious, but let it go- it wasn't like you'd be seeing him ever again.

-Too bad you were wrong- that annoying simian came back every few years just to mess with you, and it pissed you off every time he did it. One moment you'd be lounging around on your beloved island's beaches, and the next, Sun Wukong would be causing mayhem somewhere closeby.

-In general, Wukong was being a annoyance and menace.

-What a shocker! Not like he's like that all the fucking time or anything...

-Can you hear the sarcasm?

-Anyway, you dealt with him for centuries, and while you found he was still very annoying, you... stopped having your words and insults hold so much bitterness and bite- you were tired of being an asshole to this simian, it just wasn't worth it. Nowadays, if he annoyed you, you'd just smack him with your tail and go on about your day.

-Some days, you'd even find yourself wishing that he was on the island- especially when the boredom kicked in- but you'd just shake your head and swat the thought away as it was a fly.

-But damned if that thought wasn't as annoying and unkillable as a fly- somehow, your brain would always come back to thinking of Wukong, it was driving you crazy.

-Nevertheless, you just dealt with his antics with a fond roll of the eyes and a swat of the tail, and it stayed like that for decades (centuries? You don't remember, time is an illusion).

-Then came the time- just a few years before Wukong would find his 'successor'- that Wukong started leaving things on your island. From shiny necklaces, bracelets and rings, to following you around on your island, to even laying down on the beach with you when you go to soak in the warm sun, running his fingers through your hair and untangling any knots you find.

-This went on for a few weeks before the whole thing hit you like a freight-train.

-'This is courtship,' you'd think, blinking confusedly as the situation settles itself in your mind, 'Sun Wukong, the Great Sage Equal to Heaven, is courting me.'

-'...And ya know what?' you lean into his hands, smiling as they gently cascade through your fur, 'I'm okay with that.'

[cult-of-a-buttercup]

Hey. Have you ever wondered what each boss fight OST could mean for each bishop? No? Well too bad!!! This is all about that!!!!! (Links to the songs are on the names :] )

Leshy’s theme

Leshy’s boss fight is usually the first one you go through- though you can defeat whatever boss you want first, he would be the most common option since Darkwood is the first zone you unlock.

His theme is very simple when compared to the others? The whole song feels very magical, in a similar way like a fantasy world- it reminds me of medieval bards probably because of the string instruments. And the whole magic thing is blame of the chorus that shit goes hard

The lack of complexity of Leshy’s song could show that this is a bit of a first- he hasn’t fought much in his eldritch form before, so he does as best he knows with little thought. Him being the “first” boss also makes him a somewhat easier opponent, so it only adds on to this. Also the ending of the song really makes it seem like something surprising has happened- again because of the chorus. Very probably because. You know. First bishop who EVER got killed. Bit of a shocker. Things are going to change from now on you feel me.

Heket’s theme

Heket’s theme goes HARD. It’s probably my favorite one

The the first few seconds of the intro SCREAM destruction. This girl is there to demolish you and to make sure the One who Waits stays chained FOREVER. It’s very fast paced and it keeps going fast for a while before a chorus kicks in and holy SHIT I don’t know why but the melody it follows just. Makes me think of sorrow. Of how sad all of this prophecy really is and how this has affected Heket for CENTURIES now.

AAAND this is BACKED UP by dialog!!! If you go to Anura without killing Leshy she says this:

“The Bishops… my family. Have they not suffered enough? Have I not suffered enough?”

“We fought, pathetic vessel. We bled. We grieved. And yet the Red Crown wants more. No more.”

HELLO??? LIKE SHE’S SO SAD AND IT SHOOOWSSS IN HER FUCKING OST i love this game:;;:; the fact that she remarks that they GRIEVED the loss of her brother too- this poor girl has to every reason to never miss or think about her brother but how can she?? He was one of her older brothers, one of her mentors. Of course she misses him and probably still hurts because of his betrayal- both emotionally and literally because of her injuries. But you think she’s going to let her “feelings” get in the way???? NO. She’s going to kill you. That’ll make her feel better (eternal denial)

Kallamar’s theme

The build up of Kallamar’s theme genuinely just reminds me of royalty and. Mermaids. This squid is out here to show just how GOOD he is at killing lambs. KING of lamb slaughter you could say. LORD of murder. The chorus it has and the instruments really make it look like he’s a force to be reckoned with and that his fight will be filled with power!! With the grace only a king and a god could have!!! But even so it still has a few parts near the middle where it like slows down and shows maaybe a bit of insecurity. Knowing Kallamar wanted to avoid this fight at all costs it wouldn’t surprise me that his confidence in fight comes and goes in flashes, much like the parts with flutes and singing after the “greatness” introduction. My poor man is having a crisis out here someone help him

Shamura’s theme

Something that really catches my attention is that unlike the rest of the boss themes, this song has no initial build up or intro. It’s pretty straightforward. And honestly??? (WARNING: SHAMURA PROPAGANDA) it just shows how important they are. They need no introduction, they’re the bishop of war and knowledge! The one and only, Shamura!!! You already know who it is, they don’t have to make it clear with an introduction. It’s either that or a reflection of how used they are to war and combat, so they don’t make it as much of a big deal as their siblings. OR since they already knew it was going to happen, it simply isn’t big news and they’ve been waiting for this to happen for too long to care.

It’s also really quick paced and goes very well with their boss fight, considering how aggressive it is compared to Leshy’s or Heket’s. Even so, like the others it has a part in the middle where it slows down a little and has a smaaaall little chorus in the back before building back up to a quicker pace. Could be that they’re analyzing what’s going on or that their injuries are acting up again so they need a breather- it also gives it this slightly sorrowful feeling to it AUGH.

The ending of the song is also different, like Leshy’s. Though the ending of Shamura’s theme really make it sound like something big happened- not because it has never been seen before but because its over. There’s no more bishops, the Old Faith is fucking gone. If you beat them last, that is JWRBIFDNB

Narinder’s theme + The One who Waits’ theme

Hooooly shit these two songs go hard. Also two of my favorites.

The introduction makes it SO clear that something has unleashed like you don’t have to be playing to know something BIG is happening. This one has only a voice and the bass- it makes it feel very majestic and divine in a way I can’t really explain, if you get it you get it. Honestly I have no comments. It’s mystical, it shows that you are fighting a GOD and that is IT.

The fact that it’s two separate songs also makes me think a lot about how Narinder was part of the Old Faith, but The One who Waits is NOT. Basically when comparing osts Narinder’s theme sounds a lot more like what we’ve seen with the other bishops while toww is a LOT more aggressive and just overall heavy handed?? It makes me think that like he’s DONE playing around.

Other things I noticed:

All mini-boss themes are similar to a small sample of their respective bishop

Other locations like Sozo’s cult or Midas’ cave also have similarities to the bishop’s themes or rather their areas

Baal’s theme is longer than Aym’s. Could mean many things, like Baal is older or that his fight takes a bit longer. Most people know Aym is the weakest link since he falls coughing after some attacks he makes, so it only makes sense

Narinder’s theme is more similar to Aym’s and The One who Waits’ is more similar to Baal’s

Shamura’s theme is the longest between all bishops with 2:35 minutes

WOW this took a minute but yeah. I hope everyone likes it!

I’d love to see what all of you think!! Maybe you think I’m absolutely wrong or want to add on- either way I will read everything with them big old eyes ❤️

[fixated-on-something]

I think about the magicians too much so here are some of my favourite quotes

Silly ones

Julia and Quentin: DO WE NOT AMUUUUUSE?

Julia: We made up that dance and it was TERRIBLE!

Quentin: oh god

Julia: It was so.. white.. and BAD.

Penny: I like your sweater

Quentin: Are you saying that to be cruel?

Penny: No. I like your sweater, I saw no reason not to share

Quentin: Well then, shall we go fuck some shit up?

Penny: Yes.

Margo: Yes.

Eliot: Yes definitely. Definitely yes.

Penny: Agreed. Feelings are bullshit.

Alice: Is that a traveller thing?

Penny: It’s a hearing voices thing

Alice: Well at least it beats whatever you were snorting

Penny: Marginally.

Kady: Ok, Mindslut?

Quentin: I don’t know you EITHER, except that we just summoned a killer MOTHMAN from another WORLD!

Marina: Did you figure you wanted to learn magic at your blow dry last week?

Penny: You’re welcome. (Blows kiss)

Quentin: What does that mean????

Quentin: you really don’t have to try to make me feel better we basically just met

Eliot: Well, I bond fast. Time is an illusion…

Eliot: How about I find you, and I don’t say magic is real, but I do seduce you and so lift your spirits that life retains its sparkle for decades…

Quentin: …yeah that sounds nice thank you

Dream Alice: If you would shut up for 2 seconds this sex dream could pass the Bechtel test, Quentin

Eliot: Once one of them offered to blow me for a spell. It was barely worth it.

Quentin: Is someone being creepy on purpose?

Margo: that is…. Not super consistent with the books

Quentin (genuinely very distressed): no!!! It’s not!!!! And I find that devastating!!! ☹️

Quentin: You can’t possibly want to be a dick more than you want to live!

Eliot: Oh yes very pristine, it’s been taken over by a kiddy diddling mutant.

Penny: The hell are you drinking?

Alice: I don’t know- triple sec?

Penny: What did Quentin do.

Margo: So we are fucked without grease

Quentin: Sounds like us

Eliot: Must be a Monday. Onward to glory.

Penny: Whoa WHOA WE ARE NOT. NOT. Killing a U.S. senator. But we will commit a felony… almost as stupid.

Eliot: IHEREBYDECREE! Rulers… done gonna rumble.

Margo: Ps we still hate you, but it’s the 21st century it shouldn’t be this hard for a girl to get an evil demigod abortion.

Niffin Alice: what’s this bitch doing in my room?

Margo: By agreeing to marry a stranger on the spot?

Eliot: I did it!

Margo: That was different.

Eliot: You’re right. This would only really be equivalent if Ess was a girl, and you found pussy you know, interesting in a ‘sometimes you like Thai food’ kinda way and now it’s all Thai food forever TILL YOU DIE.

Eliot: Hooolyyy shit the walking plot twist returns

Penny: Hi I need something

Eliot: Shocker. Hey Fen look it’s Uncy Penny! That’s right, I knocked her up. No big deal.

Penny: Uh- congratulations?

Eliot: like I needed more people calling me daddy but yes, thanks, we’re… thrilled.

Eliot: I am in way over my head. I’m not even in control of which of my bodies is awake and my sexually aggressive wife- she could wake me up at any moment in Fillory and-

Fogg: There are certain student teacher boundaries which I prefer not to cross.

Penny: “Let’s go hunt the white lady?” People like me get SHOT for saying shit like that.

NOW THE HEART SHATTERING ONES

Eliot: Do you think it’s real?

Quentin: Some of the good parts have to be. At least I hope so.

Eliot: Things aren’t usually worth caring about

Margo: Eliot he’s gone. why are your torturing yourself?

Eliot: Because he’s gone. And it’s my fault. And of all the people in the world who don’t understand, somehow you top the list.

Quentin: Every book every movie… is about one special guy. The chosen. You know in real life, for every one guy there are a billion people who aren’t.

Margo: I'm a king. Not a goddamn princess. A king.

Julia: I think it’s because it happened. And there’s nothing… magic about it anymore.

Emily: I don’t blame myself. Except for when I first wake up… and when I go to bed, and all the time in between.

Then obviously any quite related to 3x05 and pretty much the entirety of The Mountain Of Ghosts

I missed a bunch and these are mostly season 1-2 because that’s when I was taking notes during my rewatch

[melissathettpdmember]

Can you explain Daphne and Thoren's relationship PLEASE

Why anonymous bbg? scared that I might propose?? 😭😭 (Please find me PLEASE)

Ok have this aka the most logical thing ever -the couple that carries my whole Winx club lore

Daphne:

Right now she's 31 years old.

Born on the 28th September 1993 (EARTH TIME- Magical Universe Time - 1981)

If she ever takes the throne, which she will, she'll become the most powerful (politically- she already is the most powerful physically) person in the whole universe 😀

She's kind of a part of the Lightrock Council, which they chose a bunch of people who are younger than a century to take care of physical things such as court leading and handling executions.

Miss girl is a perfectionist. Extreme. You can't find anything she can't do. That also makes things dangerous for her as her elemental mastery is too high.

She developed an ED for the same reason. She gotta be perfect and living normally isn't gonna cut it.

She got diagnosed with ADD when she was a child but just now she found out that it was ADHD. She's now mad as hyperactivity isn't really "elegant".

She also has insomnia and PTSD. PTSD doesn't really matter to her except for when it snows in Domino.

She's cold towards anyone. Except Bloom and little children. And cats.

She's a musical performer and writer. The only thing she doesn't like about her voice is that she doesn't have a low register. Which she does but she wants it to be lower.

She sometimes visits whatever churches there are for her. For fun.

Her full name is "Daphne Kusana Elizabeth Sparks". She doesn't tolerate people using Elizabeth though.

And considering her age now, it's safe to say that the fall of Domino happened when she was 9. She -would- die if the Company of Light didn't arrive to fight. She did die when she was 22 though. That Sirenix curse lasted about 6-7 years.

Speaking of which, she actually found out she could haunt anyone she wants. She enjoyed giving Bloom her first trauma.

Thoren:

He's also 31 years old. (Shocker- also he's 53 hours younger so have that ig)

He was born on the 30th September of the same year.

Unlike his uncle aka fuckass Erendor, his father is a pretty nice person. They haven't spoken for a while now but I'm sure King Vincent still loves his beloved son.

LORE DROP: He wasn't supposed to exist. The first monarchy and the second monarchy made a deal to merge, leaving Erendor on the throne. I mean, the first monarchy wanted to at least. They had to include a catch so Erendor just put down "unless they have a kid by next year" knowing that the Queen was infertile. Not having a choice, they made the deal. Fast forward to 3 months later, the Queen found out she was pregnant. They called it a miracle but King Erendor called it a curse. Queen Samara remains unbothered. So it's basically Erendor's fault that Sky still hates Thoren to this day without a reason.

Also his mom died when he was 10. We still don't know why and no one knows where the body is. I do, but gotta keep it secret for new story ideas.

Hell, Sky adopted a fucking dog because Thoren is allergic.

The Lightrock Monastery has a kitten named Blair (Blair Waldorf from gossip girl. Thoren wanted to name it Meredith as in Meredith Grey but that name is already taken by another cat on Earth.)

Thoren is banned from the First Monarchy of Eraklyon. Since he was 13. Very "invisible string" that Daphne got banned on the same day. She got unbanned but never went there again.

He trains for fucking 18 hours a day. Yet he's still in the top 70 of the Paladin power charts. The reason for that is trauma. (Flashbacks to Sky's flashbacks in s6) He never rests either. No sleep. Psychopath ass bitch.

His left leg is prosthetic. During his first year as a Paladin intern he dropped the Earthquake Hammer on his foot. It basically shattered his whole leg. He still threatens people to crush their skull if there is a conflict.

He ends up in a hospital every fortnight. It's because of his training but not the one in Linphea College. So there's kind of a forest in Eraklyon's second monarchy. It leads to those ninja hideouts. The fact that killing at least 40 of them is a daily training thing and he has been doing this since he was 13 is very concerning. Though his first attempt was pathetic and he had to be in a hospital for 3 months.

His friend group, ESPECIALLY DAPHNE, will never ever stop making fun of him for his similarities with the Thunder God Thor.

He is also a musical performer. The only thing he doesn't like about his voice is the fact that he doesn't have a higher register. Except he actually does. But he sounds like a rock star while actually hitting high notes. And he doesn't like it. Idk what he expects.

His grandfather is still alive. And a member of the Lightrock Council. He calls Thoren "Charles".

Speaking of which, Thoren's full name is "Thoren Charles Alberich" and he might kill anyone who uses Charles. Except his grandfather. For apparent reasons.

He has a record for having the most hate accounts about him online. He kicks their asses though.

He's the only one who has more than 10 suicide attempts (12) in his friend group. Daphne comes second with 9.

He has probably performed Blue (Heathers the Musical) at least 4 times.

AS A COUPLE:

They met when they were both 8 years old at a Royal event. No it wasn't love at first sight. Stop. They were children. Also Daphne didn't like him anyway.

They finally became friends a year later, months after the Fall of Domino.

They started dating at 16. But Thoren fell first. When he was 15 actually.

A little fact to add, they both started college at 19 for secret reasons.

You know Daphne died at 22, this basically sent Thoren into a depression and during the time Daphne was gone, his suicide attempt count went from 2 to 8.

Then after they reunited somehow, Thoren proposed. Not in a normal way. I'll explain later sometime.

They got married at 28. Then there was a wedding after-party which no one except their friend group was invited to. Not even Winx was invited 💀💀💀

As much as Sky didn't have a problem with her, Daphne still despises Sky to this day.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s1 episode 21 thoughts

now i may have accidentally learned what happens in this episode before i watched it which is why i try very hard to not peek at other blogs BUT. the episode certainly still delivered. return of the lizard man!!! i had forgotten about his yellow lizard eyes and shapeshifting. charming fellow.

anyway it's only been a few months since lizard man eugene tooms broke into scully's house (i think, time is confusing in this show) but they say he has been SUCH a good boy it's time for him to be released. to which i say: was breaking into her house not a massive deal? it is written off as "misplaced anger"... the fuck?!?

and scully is being reprimanded by her bosses, who say her reports don't play by the rules! but she shuts them up with her successful conviction rate. yeah of course they aren't playing by the book they're hunting bigfoot???

mulder testifies at his hearing because he spent 3 years working for the behavioral science unit profiling serial killers. now i feel that in any case involving an attack on scully, he's not the most objective guy to bring to the table. and he sure wasn't!

he openly claims that tooms is a hibernating century old lizard monster. ah, mulder, your honestly is refreshing and underappreciated. the judges think he is crazy.

scully rolls up and basically says that he also sounds crazy, to which he replies "i don't care how it sounds as long as it's the truth'' self-image be damned! spooky mulder wants answers (love his ongoing dedication to Truth as an overarching theme throughout this show. big fan)

scully just got yelled at by her bosses for not being by the book enough so she's hesitant to get involved, and mulder came out of the gate with a banger line here:

"look scully, if you're resistant because you don't believe, i'll respect that, but if you're resistant because of some bureaucratic pressure, they've not only reeled you in, but already skinned you" <- i gasped and said "get her ass" (sorry scully but i agree with him just this once!)

tooms picked up a dead rat and then licked his fingers which is Normal Behavior!

he also saw a pretty woman and began shifting into Lizard Mode, but before he could strike, mulder is on the scene! he asks tooms to help him find his elkhound named heinrich, which he uses to hunt moose

(now, to me, this line revealed some key information: fox mulder was DEFINITELY a theatre kid who took improv games VERY seriously. because where else could that even come from?)

old man says he knows where the body from the 1930's murder is and this is not treated as suspicious but shocker! he's right!

this moment also gave us scully in a big ol' coat and safety googles, which was entirely a look <3

next mister eugene tooms stakes out the house of a businessman, where mulder has followed without authorization... he begins to sneak in through the sewer to come and get the wife! who was distracted by her baby! to which i wrote the following:

"NAUR HE'S GONNA COME UP THROUGH THE TOILET NOOOOOOO don't have kids they will distract you from the lizard man climbing up your toilet to eat you"

solid advice i think we all can apply in our daily lives

(i also noted that mulder looks very at home in a shady alleyway but we don't need to analyze that right now)

then i wrote "i really hate this lizard man" which speaks for itself

scully shows up after mulder has spent 3 straight days in his car. she says mulder, your car fucking stinks. i will bring you a sandwich. you haven't slept in 3 days. let me take over.

he says he doesn't care about his career!!!! he just doesn't want her to break the rules and get a mark on her file by getting involved in an unauthorized stakeout!!!! what!!!! fuck!!!

WE GET OUR FIRST TIME SCULLY CALLS HIM FOX!!!! he laughs at this and said he even made his PARENTS call him mulder so she adjusts herself and says mulder, she wouldn't put herself on the line for anyone else AUGGHHHHHHHHH MELTING INTO A PUDDLE. THERE IS A PUDDLE NOW WHERE ONCE I STOOD.

she brought him a sandwich but he says "if there's an iced tea in that bag, could be love"

(love? the subject of love, spoken between OUR mulder and scully? at this very hour, by a man delirious from no sleep? i held my breath)

"must be fate", she says, and hands him a root beer <- LMAOOOOO the writers got my ass with that one... i fell entirely for their trap

before she heads for the stakeout he SO earnestly tells her that at 11:30 there is a sports talk radio show and leaves her with the silliest smile like :) which DID cause me to giggle. ugh he's SUCH a nerd.

but noooo the lizard man is in his caaaaar!

scully brought some magazines for her stakeout. once again NEED to know what she is reading in her free time.

cut scene back to mulder's place. whyyyyy does this man SLEEP on his COUCH?? have we investigated THAT mystery??? oh fuck he looks sooooo cozy though

lizard man cut his own face to frame mulder which made me GAG EWWWWW

their bosses say mulder has been forbidden from anymore tooms investigating since he has been framed for attacking him... they tell him to take a long vacation and he was very close to getting fired... aughhh i mean i DO want to see him take a vacation so we can get our beach episode but! stop being mean to him :(

the doctor assigned to deal with lizard man seems so nice only to get eaten. sad!

mulder IMMEDIATELY gets back on the case after the newest murder despite being told maybe 5 minutes ago his job is on the line. lol. lmao, even.

they go to the site of lizard man's old nest which is now a fancy building and mulder takes off his jacket and tie to crawl in the vents. okay but he didn't have to make it sensual. but he did. without trying. it was probably the last thing on his mind. and here we are. everyone say thank you mulder <3

sewer man ATTACKS in the SEWERS! a likely place for him to be.

LMAOOOOOO THEY KILLED HIM WITH AN ESCALATOR i knew that was gonna happen but did it make it any less funny? no!!!!

the episode ends with mulder staring at a caterpillar in a cocoon and he says that a change for him and scully is coming... okayyy cryptic <3

(i would have expected them both to be heavily triggered by the sight of a cocoon but they seem well-adjusted)

so there was no addressing of the previous bug incident from the last episode which i expected but was a little disappointed by because the bugs cocooned them and i wanted to see what that fallout was. alas i have come to accept the timeskip format

(but like. aren't you curious about their quarantine? how long it took for them to feel better? what the recovery procedure was? no? just me? well alright then)

it was a good episode! glad we got to see mulder's improv skills, our first (and maybe last?) time scully called him "fox", more sleeping on the couch, an end to lizard man's reign of terror, and their undying loyalty to one another that i drink in like ambrosia. and i only have 3 episodes left of s1!!! what could those cryptic last words to the caterpillar mean....? we must stay tuned to find out!

[thealexandriaarchives]

I'm trying to write more after a few years of a dry spell and digging into the 'Why' of why I'm not writing as much, and a big one I'm facing is a complex mix of guilt and shame that I've been praised a lot for having a very strong, terse style that will have longer descriptions but will always come back around to short, gut-punchy lines.

And at some point I think this writing style turned from being confident in my writing and knowing who I am as an author into a source of insecurity. I'll still write thousands of words in barely edited ADHD discord rambles or Tumblr meta posts, but when I turn to trying to produce anything more polished I am now hyper-aware of my style, and how much people have commented on its 'uniqueness' when its influences feel so very obvious to me? So my writing the last few years has lived and died in my drafts, feeling stilted, awkward, and stiff, or even more often has failed to make it past the brain to keyboard barrier.

I am incapable of writing the long, flowing epics I adore from so many of my friends, and over and over again my works shape themselves into highly crafted and pretentious (/neutral, intentionally telling myself over and over again this is neutral...) short stories instead.

And as the years continue I think I am aware we are all just a collection of our influences, but then I am the same half a dozen 20th century white men (a gender thought to unpack another day)

Isaac Asimov

Jorge Luis Borges

Truman Capote

(Some Dostoevsky & Tolstoy?)

Christopher Moore

Kurt Vonnegut

I ran a couple pieces I've gotten the most of this praise / feedback on through the newest version of 'i write like' and didn't get either Asimov (phew honestly, my love) or Vonnegut though. I got Cory Doctorow (whom I've never read so I cannot tell if this is good but it sounds correct for the story) and H.G. Wells which was also correct for the story and whom I grew up on. I tend to stylize as I write so both were heavy about the scientific method but 'about the direct clarity, accessibility and succinctness of the message' which sounds like my technical writing not literary stuff tbh. Also stuff about 'driving the story forward', I also have issues around the fact I prefer to write in present tense which seems not to be the preference, do they do this too? Is this some autistic science bro tech writer Sci Fi brain thing I wired myself with at a tiny age?

I think some of it is that I am fine with being Cringe & Pretentious if it feels Authentic to myself, but I am unable to reconcile that with the fact that it also feels like I am just Subconsciously Trying to Be Like My Faves. Which is ridiculous when you look at the fact my favorite narratives are all about eternal recurrence, being haunted by the narrative, humanity's patterns repeating themselves over and over again. I need some pithy narrative to remind myself that I am being hypocritical when I hold myself against this.

Yes, I write the weird, fucked up meta short stories just like the stories that most impacted me at the most pivotal times in my life. Big shocker, I'm throwing in my biggest kinks and they also say things about me as well when scrutinized. All writing is a mirror and self-reflection. All stories are the same story branching off the same Ur-Story told around a cave fire at various points.

What is fanfiction's italicized: Oh. Oh.

But an echo on Vonnegut's: So It Goes.

A person falls in love. A person dies. The story repeats again. I hate the phrase 'Kill Your Darlings'. The ghost of Truman Capote smokes a cigarette over my shoulder and reminds me to remove every unnecessary word.

So it goes.

This is basically journalling, but any not-white, not-men, ideally not-cishet names that jump to mind from that short list or other thoughts or ruminations are always welcome.

[dvsconocvdo]

closed starter for @kenxmatsui

The sun was low in the sky, and Haru could not fucking believe what a day they had. It felt like within the previous twelve hours, they had lived a whole century. Who knew settling in a new job would be so arduous? All the small webinars Haru completed bored them, and they were thankful tomorrow they'd start actually doing something in their job. Fidgeting with the uncomfortable bottom up shirt they wore, they rolled up their sleeves, showcasing the previously hidden tattoos, not that their shirt covered the tattoos on their hands. Still an attempt was made. Letting out possibly the biggest sigh of the day, they pulled out a small red and white box to pull out a cigarette only realizing that they didn't have a lighter. Of course, those heathens (their cats) must have taken it. Still, they checked each one of their pockets before looking around and spotting another smoker. They hated this, but they needed to smoke before driving back to the hotel or they would lose their mind. "Excuse me." They started talking not really looking at the other person in the face, just focusing on their shirt. "Do you have a light? I'll only bother you for that." (meaning don't make conversation with me) Haru prayed this wasn't a talkative person because they didn't have the energy to deal with it.

Raising their hand to ruffle their own short hair, they finally looked up at the other person. It didn't take much for Haru to immediately notice just how fucking tall this guy was, but the real shocker was when their brown eyes landed on his face. Were they hallucinating? Surely not. Was someone playing a trick on them? But who? They knew close to nobody in this small town. "Kenji?" The name fell of their lips before they could register. Surely not. They've lost their mind. Yes, that made more sense that for their brother to be here in Lunar Cove smoking outside just as Haru got off work. Brown eyes studied him like a hawk. They wanted to reach out and pinch him, to see if this was real, but instead they took a step back as if gaining some distance could clear their mind. "I must have lost my damn fucking mind." Ruffling their hair with more intensity, Haru's eyes ventured away from his face and onto his body. He was well-dressed. He was tall. He looked like Kenji except older. Part of them wanted to say their last name, to fully confirm if it was him except they didn't want to. The distaste for the name lived on fiercely inside of them and they'd rather keep staring in silence as they awaited confirmation. If this wasn't their brother, it was an awful look-a-like, and Haru should possibly move out of town to avoid any further confusion. Then it dawned on them, as they fidgeted with the unlit cigarette, what if it was him and he didn't recognize them?

[dcu-rarepair]

Day 2 Gifts

Eight more amazing gifts for Day 2! Head to the Collection to check them out, and view the Release Schedule to see what’s in store!

We also have a handy Commenting Guide to help our Giftees with showing their Giftors some love. And now, here’s today’s works: 

I Will Not Love You (But I Can, Somehow) for syrennetim

Dick Grayson/Jean-Paul Valley Rated T, No Archive Warnings Enemies to Lover, Jean-Paul as Batman Dick hates Jean-Paul. The only problem with that is that he loves him too. Or, Azrael murders someone and Dick helps Jean-Paul cover up his crimes.

Black, White and Red for Murmeloni

Harvey Dent/Jason Todd Rated G, No Archive Warnings Art

Call Me Hot (Not Pretty) for Shenanigans

Cissie King-Jones/Cassie Sandsmark (Young Justice Universe) Rated G, No Archive Warnings First Kiss, Gay Panic, Getting Together Cassie’s day had been anything but quiet and uneventful – it hadn’t even been eventful in the Young Justice way, just the Wonder Girl way, so subduing the sea monster on the docks had been entirely up to her. So, once she’d finished dealing with all that, one would really think her beloved team members may understand that she was exhausted and achy and not moving from her position on the couch for at least the next century, but no. Apparently not. Or; Fellas, is it gay to lovingly cradle your best friend’s face while you help them get something out of their eye

carve your name into my arm for FleetSparrow

Clark Kent/Selina Kyle Rated M, No Archive Warnings Trans Clark Kent, BDSM The thing is, Selina knows how to read people. She knows what they want and more importantly, she knows when they're lying to her. And that's the thing about this unassuming nerd hunched on her couch; he is lying to her. And he is dangerous. But he doesn't feel like a threat.

And Alan Makes Three for BookofOdym

Sanderson Hawkins/Henry King Jr, Henry King Jr/Alan Scott, Henry King Jr/Sanderson Hawkins/Alan Scott Rated E, No Archive Warnings Voyeurism, Light Dom/Sub Hank is dating Sandy. Hank is sleeping with Alan. When Sandy catches Alan and Hank together, Alan takes it upon himself to teach Sandy just how to fuck a twunk like Hank properly.

Lightning Rod for dxncingquxxr

Dick Grayson/Roy Harper/Wally West Rated T, No Archive Warnings Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence Wally, lost in the Speed Force, watches as his boyfriends have drifted apart more than they ever had before. He needs them together to escape, but he's unsure if this timeline will allow it. Really, he should learn that he has unending faith in his partners for a reason. - Rebirth but Dick/Roy/Wally and also only about them

Genesis 2:23 for TaxiCabToOwTown

Kon-El | Conner Kent/Lex Luthor Rated T, Warning for Underage Omegaverse, Dubious Science Most alphas would probably chafe at working under another alpha, instincts bristling at the perceived submission. Mercy doesn't care--everyone in Metropolis has Mr Luthor's boot on their throat, she might as well get paid handsomely for it. She could do without watching Mr Luthor throw scent at Superman and have it just slide off and Superman's poorly acted responses, but she guesses that's how they ended up here, in this subterranean lab.

Where the Light Shines Through for Ferox

John Constantine/Bruce Wayne Rated E, No Archive Warnings BDSM, Haunting Batman gives Constantine a severe look. “I asked you to meet me for your magical expertise. If you're too compromised to work, I’ll ask someone else.” “I'm fine. It's just a mild Drop. Which I tried to fix, by the way, but unfortunately it's impossible to get decent coke in your town. You should really lay off those poor, hardworking cartels. Anyway—” John crushes the butt of his cigarette under his heel, “—you said your friend needed help?” “Not my friend. A League benefactor.” Ha. John is smart enough to connect the dots. “Bruce Wayne’s got ghosts? Shocker.”

[heir-less]

"The granddaughter of Nelson Mandela has criticised the Duke and Duchess of Sussex for using the former South African president’s name to pull in Netflix audiences in their latest documentary, saying: “It’s deeply upsetting and tedious.”" Thoughts?

OH MY GOD, I GOT THIS ANON YESTERDAY, SAW THE STORY FROM TOMINEY, ANSWERED/QUEUED IT THIS DAMN MORNING AND I WAS RIGHT ABOUT THESE QUOTES BEING OFF

Fox News Digital can confirm that Ndileka hasn't criticized Markle or Harry for the use of her grandfather in the opening to the show. [. . . ]

"I’ve watched the first two episodes of this ‘Live to Lead,’" Ndileka told Fox News Digital. "I honestly don’t find anything wrong with them using that opening thing inspirational with a quote of granddad.

"I just think that people are making a … mountain out of a mole hill, and they’re wanting to persecute Meghan and Harry for no reason, honestly," she added. "I mean, Meghan has always been an activist, and this is in her activism work which my grandfather was, he was, a social justice activist through and through." [x]

When FUCKING FOX NEWS has more credibility than the lying scumbag Camilla Tominey, there is something wrong. When Fox News, home to Laura Ingram and Tucker Carlson has more journalistic integrity than The Telegraph, The Times, Forbes, The Independent, etc. something is very, very wrong. I should have known something was up when I couldn't find the original alleged interview from The Australian. Tominey has always been terrible, but straight-up faking quotes is a new low.

My original answer under the cut:

She can feel how she wants, she doesn't hate Harry or Meghan and said she admired them, but I think her criticism is actually very cynical and it feels as if she was misled.

It read as if she's under the impression that they're using Mandela to talk about themselves for money, when it's literally just a documentary talking about leaders they find inspiring. I don't see how it's exploitative to talk about how Mandela inspires you or highlights his work. Comparing Live to Lead to people stealing Mandela's voice for money when she knows the Nelson Mandela Foundation supports the documentary is so strange. Dismissing someone highlighting Mandela's work by saying "it's not relevant" to them is also bonkers because one of the greatest civil rights struggles of the 20th century will always be relevant to everyone, regardless of whether you met Mandela or not. It doesn't sound like something the granddaughter of Mandela would say.

I wouldn't be surprised if she was misled about the context of Live to Lead by The Australian which is, shocker, a right-wing tabloid. Because her statements don't reflect reality. It seemed as if Ndileka Mandela thought the documentary in question was similar to Harry & Meghan where quotes from Nelson Mandela were used to compare the couple to his likeness or something.

[averagedualies]

shocker of the fucking century: trusting the creepy doxxing scientist with ties to kamabo was a bad idea

signed, a very disappointed roller main

m sory. Iwanted to giv him a chanve

We wer so mean to hm wen he came herre :[

[ravnloft]

about to fight ketheric and i gotta say i am connecting the dots (making up my own hcs and blatantly ignoring canon) re: him and shar and i am now submitting these for peer review

words spreads of an aasimar in moonhaven, born to the hallowleafs, who are devoted selûnites. after the girl comes of age, dame aylin is to find her and escort her as she transitions into the more divine practices of her station.

dame aylin comes to reithwen en route to moonhaven. she is welcomed by the thorms.

melodia, bless her heart, is already in the ground. ketheric has already begun to hear shar's whispers. shar promises him oblivion, relief from the pain, if he does the impossible: turn the hallowleaf girl away from her celestial mother, and into shar's embrace.

"how the fuck am i supposed to do that with another aasimar making eyes at my kid" ketheric says. "kill her. obvi" shar says

aylin falls to a knife in her back. ketheric begins to build his army. a new breed of sharran fanatic is born: the dark justiciar. shar uses the power of aylin's soul being rent from her over and over again as a conduit to imbue her justiciars with dread power.

ketheric, however, has a rival: viconia devir

"hey viconia bet you can't turn this aasimar child away from selûne" shar says

(is this so very self indulgent because it ties into amma's backstory with viconia, and my own hc as to why viconia went from a lolthite priestess to a sharran mother superior? yes. yes it is)

"BET" viconia says

so she tips off the hallowleafs. they flee moonhaven just as ketheric and his justiciars arrive. but, shocker, it was a trap all along, and viconia's sharrans intercept them in the forest

(is there any in-game evidence of shadowheart being an aasimar? no. but like? why else would she be in the world's messiest custody battle. if she's god's favorite princess and the most specialest girl in the world, like, let her be the most specialest girl in the world, you know??)

viconia then raises the girl as her own, with all the trauma that entails

(amma 🤝 shadowheart 🤝 unnamed devir infant: being viconia's biggest failures in the eyes of her goddess)

shadowheart does not know she is an aasimar until she frees aylin from the shadowfell and aylin and isobel reveal the plot to her. maybe she gets special powers as soon as selûne can connect with her again, maybe she doesn't yet, idk

circling back to ketheric. shar spurns him for failing to get the hallowleaf girl. ketheric retreats to reithwen, planning to regroup and scour the countryside for her, except now the harpers and the druids are getting ready to attack him. both isobel and the dark justiciars turn against ketheric in the battle. isobel is killed, and ketheric falls, but because of [gestures] All That With Aylin, his soul is stuck in purgatory. he spends decades (centuries?? idk how old shadowheart is) there until pledging himself to myrkul.

moonhaven is bent but unbroken after the dark justiciar attack. a kindly midwife takes up residence just outside of town and helps the village rebuild. her name is ethel.

[space-blue]

Wait what's this about neo nazis in memorabilia??

I mean, there simply are neo nazis in NZ.

The main shocker for me was how open they were. It wasn't so much of a problem in Wellington apparently, but I was told they were way more prevalent in... Napier, iirc.

Anyway, I was walking down Cuba st, *the* Wellington downtown hangout, middle of the day on a sunny Sunday... And I see this guy with his goth GF... He had that bavarian dungaree thing on, big work boot and knee high socks for the full look, and his tee shirt had a portrait of Hitler on a backdrop of Nazi flag.

On his chest.

And I just gaped and looked at him, waiting for someone to curb stomp him. But nobody did! Like, get out of your house like this in Paris where I'm from, and you're a fucking smear on the pavement before the hour is gone. You'll be made into a statistic.

But nobody did or said anything, and my friend explained, you know, things are different here, people were so far removed from the war... And other hogwash to try and excuse 21st century people tolerating fan clothing of the biggest, most famous genocidal maniac ever.

Kiwis are lovely, but in that regard, definitely too chill. I never encountered much racism, certainly *nothing* like the shite I saw in OZ, but that nazi bloke on a midday stroll downtown really made me queezy.

[cto10121]

Waking Romeo (2022)—Review Part 2

[Part 1] In which Jules and Ellis bond over mutual trauma while getting followed by a mysterious threat, Jules comes to the most basic of revelations, Shakespeare gets mangled, soap opera-level twists, and the Romeo Hate Dumb train trudges serenely on. Spoilers, of course.

“Why?” he asks again.

“It was love,” I say automatically.

Ellis steps away, running his hands through his hair.

“You wish to be reunited with a boy who would let you do that to yourself?" he says, getting worked up.

“Starting was such sweet sorrow. I mean parting. I mean—”

“That is not what love is,” says Ellis, surprisingly forceful. “That is the opposite of that. It is about protecting this.” He puts his hand firmly over my scar, over my heart. (159)

Romeo let Juliet commit suicide.

Romeo let her.

ROMEO LET—

Okay, put aside the obvious fact that this astounding bit of clownery is not true, not even in this twisted AU. Barker’s Romeo overdosed while getting high and Jules thought he had died. So not even Romeo the Death Eater compelled/persuaded Jules to give her life for him. Let’s put all that aside.

Have not women their own fucking agency??!!! Jules made her own decision to shuffle off this mortal coil. She was acting out of unresolved grief for her dead cousin, which she later realized, and Romeo’s seeming death only just compounded it. So Barker’s warning against girls giving up everything for their boyfriends not only falls flat but is contradicted by the narrative itself.

My eyes are hot, verging on tears. I've cried plenty since what happened. I’ve shed rivers of tears over my husband though they were mostly the civilized kind, like Rosaline musters. Romeo got my pretty tears. But the ugly ones, the ones what make me keen and shake and let out strange noises? They belong in the dark, to my secret, and they can't come out now.

Something has to come out now, though—I can't keep it all down. So in the reflection with me, I imagine Romeo. Only this time I see him as he really was. A world away from the fourteenth-century honor and frills of my story.

“Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight, for I ne'er saw true beauty…” he whispers in my ear as he kisses my neck, as his hands run the length of my body. But, of course, that’s not quite the line he delivered that night in my bedroom. His language was mostly grunts and moans. The precious few words he used were…less poetic.

“Juliet Capulet tried to kill herself over a boy that she barely even knew,” I say to my reflection. (161)

Shocker.

So. A lot of bullshit to sort out here. 1) I don’t believe for one single second that Jules never ugly cried over Romeo. Not when she saw his dead body? Not when she saw him in a coma? Homegirl was really just 🥺 all along over a traumatic overdose and death attempt?

And 2) Barker’s penchant for recontextualizing lines from OG Romeo’s soliloquies/monologues as pick-up lines said directly to Juliet is truly pissing me off, especially since elsewhere Barker has shown extensive knowledge of Shakespeare, even the more obscure lines.

[Ellis POV] “I am in every word of it. I am in the people and the places and even in the weather. It is full of little jokes and references that only I would understand," I add, without humor. “She even used my Christian name for her character, and my surname as the pseudonym that she published the book under it is all in reference to me. Everything comes back to me. She was—”

I break off, unsure how to finish. I have never spoken of Emily to anyone. Frogs knew. In the first year when I pined for her so keenly, Frogs matter-of-factly announced that she had written a book. Afterward, he found me a copy and taught me to read it. Though we never discussed her. (166)

And then there’s the Wuthering Heights hate dumb. Emily Brontë was apparently such a bigot meanie that after Ellis disappeared from her life she wrote a whole-ass book about him as a sexy if monstrous Byronic anti-hero/antagonist and one-half of a dark star-crossed lover pair as a coping mechanism. And because of this Ellis is perfect for the similarly-wronged Jules.

“What I'm saying is…I don't actually believe that what I wrote is true.” Jules sounds surprised as she speaks, as though she has just worked that part out for herself. “I don’t think that the version of Romeo in these pages is the real boy or that it's what his character is actually like, deep down. The story is simply...an alternative version of events to help me move past the real ones. Maybe it was the same for her. Maybe your girl wrote that story, not because it was true, but because it wasn’t.” (167)

You seemed to be convinced yourself of it before, Jules. Hell, she barely even thought of Tybalt, the supposedly real catalyst for events, just Romeo and her love affair and then Ellis. I’m beginning to think the whole Tybalt’s-death-as-the-real-catalyst-for-Jules is a late retcon on Barker’s part when she realized it didn’t make a lick of sense.

“May I read it?” I nod at the notebook.

“No, it's silly,” says Jules, without missing a beat. “I wrote it in the style of Shakespeare, so the language is tricky. Besides—it’s not finished. I’m having trouble with the ending.” (167)

Again, I have to question the fact that Emily is framed critically for writing a whole-ass book about Ellis while our protagonist is framed favorably for writing a whole-ass book about Romeo. Maybe Romeo should go on a similar time travel adventure after he discovers Jules’ false portrayal of him in Waking Romeo and meets a secondary love interest who actually appreciates him and calls out her weird sexist double standard.

[Ellis POV] And then I think of her words from before: “What if he had gotten my note?” And I cannot help but speculate...what are the chances that the note in question was not the one that Frogs sent me to retrieve from her family crypt all those years go? The one with the two entwined hearts on the front, which smelled of perfume? The odds are not good, I would wager. (168)

So Jules sent a message to Romeo which did not get to him because Ellis had taken it first as part of his time travel missions. This leaves Ellis as directly responsible for R&J’s tragic ending…or at least he would be had not the author retconned this later and had her douchebag Romeo say he did read it and laughed at it. Yeah, that happened.

[Jules POV] “I thought you knew,” she says softly, “that I visit him after you leave.”

I feel sick. “How long? How long have you been coming?”

She smiles sadly.

“Always.”

Rosaline has always come? I think back to all those cheesy tribute assemblies and the rivers of fake tears. Were they real after all? Was it all real? Does she genuinely love him?

“We were together for years before you entered the picture,” Rosaline reminds me. “I care about him too.” (215)

Oh, no, no, you’re not getting away with this, Barker!!!

So Rosaline’s “pretty tears” and clichéd speeches for Romeo turn out actually genuine, one of the most blatant retcons of this piece. I have a feeling halfway through Barker read her editors’ notes, realized the backlash against the Not Like Other Girls trope, and did some hasty backtracking.

And of course, there’s the 483727733th iteration of ‘Rosaline and Romeo were actually a thing after all.’ Kill this with fire.

“I am glad you got your…what was it that you called him? Your pretty piece?” I say, repeating her words from before, perhaps somewhat unkindly.

“Pretty…to imply not manly.” Jules shakes her head. “Yes, I used to do that all the time, even in my head—describe ‘feminine’ traits in men as somehow a weakness. I didn’t do it consciously: But even in my writing, the bias was there.”

Is this a rebuke of herself and of Emily? Wuthering Heights is known for subverting gender stereotypes, yet also for portraying femininity…less favorably. (221)

The author accidentally included her notes in the book, I see. These editors are getting more incompetent by the day.

So as part of the whole “whoops, I just realized my earlier Not Like Other Girls shit is now unpopular” thing (a working theory), our author is now bravely trying to convince us she was making a point about internalized misogyny. Except that OG Juliet does not describe Romeo with femininized imagery. Probably the closest is the little bird metaphor…but even then that just reads as kinky.

[Jules POV] And I was wrong—love isn't everything.

I decide that, if I ever write another play, it won't be a love story. It will be about action—taking action versus not taking action. Because standing on my balcony, looking out at the in-tatters world? It's becoming clear that we have to act. That we have to do it today, or tomorrow won't happen.

With that, my thoughts return to Shakespeare. His plays used to be performed at a theater called “the Globe.” I figured it was just a cool name—I never really thought about the metaphor of it. The idea that all the drama was literally playing out on the world's stage. That each story, however small, was part of a bigger picture. (225)

*sings in Aspects of Love* Love / Love isn’t everything

Yes, because that was what was wrong with the OG Juliet—her just standing in her balcony babbling about love when she should have been out there girlbossing an end to the feud!!! What do you mean, she’s a 13-year-old in a patriarchal society that raised her to be meek and obedient and subservient to men? That’s no excuse for being such a basic bitch!!!!

Also. OG R&J are many things. But passive ain’t one of them. Romeo approaches Juliet, Juliet flirts back, he climbs high-ass garden walls, she tells him to arrange for their marriage and sends her Nurse to him, Juliet comes to the church to get married, they marry, Romeo tries to intervene in the fight, he fights and kills Tybalt, Juliet meets with the Friar and drinks the coma potion, Romeo flies to Mantua, buys poison, and returns when he hears Juliet is dead, kills Paris and then himself, and Juliet wakes up and kills herself. What part of all of that reads passive to you?????

[Jules POV] And then I'm thinking about how it all played out. How everything happened because my cousin had died the week before. Tybalt was dead, so I went to that goddamn party. My heart was all bleeding and raw. I needed something to numb the pain, and there he was—Romeo. I used the attention of a boy as my drug and distraction.

Tybalt's death was the tragedy that sparked all disaster to follow. Without him dying, I would never have been at that party, would never have fallen for Romeo. My story would have been different. Everyone's story would have been different. So why the hell did Tybalt have to die? (243)

Before this moment, Jules has only spoken about Tybalt like maybe TWICE in the whole goddamn book. I read this book from cover to cover and I cannot tell you anything about who Tybalt was, his personality, nor his relationship to Juliet—only that he died. We get absolutely no insight or even inkling into Jules’ past relationship with him beyond one or two vague anecdotes. So yes, I count this whole psychological explanation as a retcon, and a badly done one too.

Anyway, with Ellis’ help Jules finally manages to wake Romeo with the drug, but as a cop-out she leaves before he fully awakens. When she does meet him at his parents’ house, Jules drops this bombshell on him:

“That night when we were together in my room…” I say, my voice trailing off. How pathetic am I that I can't even say it? I didn't even put it in my story—I merely alluded to it as “the love-performing night,” of all the childish cop-outs.

There’s a long, drawn-out silence.

“I got pregnant,” I finally say. “I didn’t know it when I went to the crypt that night. When…” I leave that part unsaid. “The nurses didn’t realize until after the third operation. By that point, they'd already pumped me full of every kind of drug to keep me breathing.” I try to keep my voice clinical. “They said it was a miracle the baby wasn't gone already, but that if it survived, it would be ... different.” At the mention of “different,” Romeo's eyes automatically travel to my arm—the numb one. I try to ignore it.

“Mum, Dad, and Aunt Miranda kept it a secret. I basically stayed in my room for a whole year. People thought I was grieving,” I continue. “Or they thought my parents had locked me up because I was out of control.” (260)

Jules had a secret baby even though by all accounts she should have miscarried it from both her suicide attempt and the drugs they used to save her. We are officially in soap opera territory.

[befehlvonganzunten]

All Quiet on the Western Front is NOT a war film … or is it?

DISCLAIMER: I’m German and I’m beyond happy with the Everything Everywhere All at Once sweep (except that Stephanie Hsu should’ve won Best Supporting Actress), so this isn't me being bitter about All Quiet on the Western Front not winning Best Picture. What I am bitter about is people throwing around the term "war film" without knowing what a "war film" is or what the term actually means.

Also: I am very aware that I’m probably arguing with a wall here because this is the internet but this bothers me for some reason, so here we go. 

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If you want to argue that a war film is a film that depicts war, then yes, All Quiet is indeed a war film. After all, it is set during World War I and abundant with battle sequences. Soldiers are dying left and right by the sheer brutality of early 20th-century war technology and trench warfare, and we follow a rather young recruit who has no considerable military experience by the time he joins the fighting.

However, not all war films are the same - shocker, I know. They can be pro-war, anti-war or even something in-between (see Apocalypse Now for example). The war film genre also has tons of subgenres like the retaliation film, the military (black) comedy, or the recruitment film. Arguing that All Quiet is a war film as in it’s a pro-war film because I don't know how genres work or, you know, because I don't care about the book this film is based on would be kinda stupid, if not outrageously ignorant. Its source material, the novel of the same name, is considered one of the most important pieces of anti-war literature of all time, written by a man who actually fought in World War I and therefore knew what he was talking about. (The novel was also banned and later burned during the Nazi book burnings in 1933, and Erich Maria Remarque, the author, fled the country to avoid further persecution while his sister stayed behind and was eventually executed for opposing the Nazi government in the early 1940s.)

Pro-war means that a war film depicts war as a black and white adventure where there are inherently good guys on one side and inherently bad guys on the other. The good guys have to win and the bad guys have to lose, and people who think that war is bad either don’t exist or have barely any screen time because God forbid the voice of reason is actually given - well - a voice. Bootcamp turns boys into "manly men" who can fight an entire army on their own. From a technical standpoint, the battle scenes are designed as an audiovisual spectacle that is supposed to make you feel excited, not horrified by the way in which the military machine can destroy bodies and nature alike. It is a very simple form of propaganda escapism that can easily bleed into other genres such as fantasy, science-fiction or superhero films, and you should rightfully hate it with a passion.

Anti-war, on the other hand, means that a war film depicts war as hell on earth, which it is. Nobody wins here. Soldiers are used as canon fodder and nine times out of ten neither the government nor the military elite of either war party really give a fuck. Bootcamp is a complete joke and, in its essence, torture. Young recruits are sucked into the slaughter thanks to lies and propaganda, and they are quickly disillusioned by the horrors they experience on the battlefield. The spectacle of war - the battle sequence - is meant to leave you horrified, disturbed and disgusted by what war forces people to do to each other. It’s the very core element of films/novels like All Quiet and the very opposite of  propaganda escapism.

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CONCLUSION: All Quiet on the Western Front is a war film that depicts war from an anti-war perspective, which makes it an anti-war film. It is based on a novel written by a man who was persecuted by the fucking Nazis. With this in mind (and I promise you that you can research all of this within minutes), it is absolute bonkers to me how some people can look at such a complex genre and reduce it to "bang boom bang explosion war films" without batting an eye.

In my personal opinion, All Quiet is by no means perfect. It’s a decent adaptation of its source material, and while I prefer the 1930 adaptation, I can see why this one was nominated for 9 categories. I’m a little disappointed that An Cailín Ciúin didn’t win Best International Feature Film, but it is what it is. Hopefully, now that I have managed to get this off my chest, I can go back to rewatching Best Picture Winner Everything Everywhere All at Once in peace.