#the shing

[zegalba]

Johnson Cheung-shing Tsang: A Painful Pot (2013)

[yellodisney]

[misandriste]

Michelle Krusiec and Lynn Chen in SAVING FACE (2004) dir. Alice Wu

[caseykeshui]

Genji!💚

.

.

. He's my main! Though I haven't been playing OW as much as I used to, but I never take it as a reason to NOT draw him, he's so pretty!! B) Also- life has been getting a bit busy again lately- so if I'm not posting as frequent, it's because reality's throwing things at my face 😗🔥Will always try to make time to post something when I can! (y u s h)

[7nsomnia]

💕.

[shihlun]

陳傳興

- 李仲生畫室 彰化

1981

[thefoilguy]

Ling Yao from Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood - Aluminum Foil Sculpture

[vocalhitches]

cutie pie from the listerine game snz (not clickbait!!!!)

[miutonium]

I wanted to come back and explain my hiatus over the past few months but I will post that note after I post this one because it's really important for me to type this out.

As everyone here knows, I am dealing with an online stalker for 2 years now. I'm giving everyone a recap in case people aren't aware of it. This will be a long post so please, skip if you dont want to read. I promise I will come back and make funny post or something idk, but this aint it.

Basically it all started with me not responding to their dms on instagram (and the reason I didn't respond is because the first text sounded like they're asserting their dominance over prof and it came off as passive aggresive) so I did not reply because of that. Then they continue to reply to my stories (the replies are harmless) but I continue to ignore because again, the first text already gave me a bad vibe so I rather not reply. But as time goes the replies seems to try to entice me to respond back and I do not like it when people forced me to reply, it's rude so I continue to ignore. The last reply from my story was a "Hello?" from them in my dms. Since then, they followed me, unfollowed me, blocked me, unblocked me and repeat the cycle. At first, I didn't notice it but then it became frequent and I keep seeing this same user doing it over and over again as if to grab my attention. It took me a while to block this user because whenever this happens, I was asleep (I'm in a different time zone) so by the time I wanted to click on the notification, the account is gone. I started being paranoid of interacting with people online at that time, I limited my story replies, messages and eventually my inbox. I was so unhappy with instagram because I really want to share my art without feeling anxious but this user made my experience so unpleasant. Eventually, my negative experience from others (unrelated to this user) and this user on instagram made me privated my art acc. I finally able to block this user because right after I privated my account, they send me a follow request. Not too long after that, I noticed they followed my twitter account too and I'm lucky I'm able to catch that because my notification used to be flooded and it's just luck I was able to see that name and block them. I have privated my twitter and currently on hiatus from twitter and I don't think I will be returning due to the recent block policy change. I don't like the idea of people I've blocked for my safety and comfort be seeing my post.

I have a public pinterest account that I made many months ago to post my Utonium art because I noticed my art got reposted there so might as well just start posting there so I posted just a few of my solo Utonium art there and then I forget about this account. Yesterday, I went on pinterest (under a private acc) and decided to search for prof and see that one of my post apparently gained traction and I remembered about that account. I decided to check my page and noticed I gained new followers. Imagine how upset and frustrated I am that one of the follower was this user that has stalked me.

At this point, I am so so frustrated and fed up. I have done everything to keep this person away from me. I stopped using instagram because of this user. I privated my twitter because of this user and I very much contemplated on privating this sideblog too because I could not stand that someone is actively tracking me down online, because I didn't response to their dms 2 years ago. Im just so frustrated because this experience really made me so so anxious and fearful and wary of interacting with people online. I want to keep sharing my art, I want to meet other people online that's into the things I like, but this experience really left me so anxious of talking to new people and has affected me mentally. I cannot say that this experience alone is the main factor of my mental health going to shit ever since I'm done with art school and I spend most of my days in my room just crying but I can say this is one of the reason why I have trust issues with trusting people because I don't know if any of you might end up doing this to me again, I really can't take that. I feel so alone because I don't have many friends irl and this situation really makes me think twice of making new friends.

I'm so tired of having to run away and hide from people , of not being able to enjoy my time online and im so done with this feeling of anxiety and fear over making my own space because of this situation. Enough is enough. I finally have the courage to message this person on pinterest today.

I won't post the screenshot (although I will show it to my friends here privately if they want to as confirmation that I am not making shit up and be the judge) but to summarize it (i format it like this so its easier to read):

- I send a lengthy message telling them exactly why I have blocked them everywhere and how their action has left me with severe anxiety and affects the way I interact with people online. I explained how me blocking them is a sign that I definitely DO NOT want to interact with them and them constantly tracking me down is considered to be stalking. I tell them to leave me alone.

- They replied immediately saying that I blocked them because I was jealous of other people having a crush with prof and said this is an issue of jealousy. They said they did that because they liked my art and THOUGHT (they wrote the thought in caps) they could be my friend. They mentioned that I didn't even give them a chance to know them and i dont even know them.

- I clarified that jealousy is absolutely NOT AN ISSUE and I always open to sharing. I have stated countless times that I am always open with sharing and openly supports anyone and draw people who ships with prof before. I have clarified that the reason i blocked them is because the first text they send me sounds like they're asserting their dominance of their ship to me is rude and of course I blocked them because they give me the wrong vibe and I dont even know them so of course I blocked them. I also said that them consistently following, unfollowing, blocking, unblocking and repeat cycle makes me think theyre forcing me to reply to them and it makes me very anxious. I stated that what they did was not normal behaviour and if I actively avoid them, that means I do not want to interact with them.

- They said I got their intention wrong. They admitted that they fangirled a bit too much because they have ocd and it came off to be rude (for the first text part). They said the reason they did the follow unfollow thing is because they got paranoid (huh?) And think I didnt want to talk to them because of the first text. They said they weren't in the good place in mind. They said they didn't mean to cause me any harm. They said they apologize for the rude first text. They asked we could start over again to know them but they understand if I dont want to do that and apologize for the first interaction.

- I replied that I am sorry that to hear this was all from misunderstanding their intention and their condition. I said that despite that, I could not brush over the fact that their actions has caused me severe anxiety with the way I interact with people online and I have to stress out that their action have cause me fear and anxiety being online. I stated that I am very grateful that them and other people liked my art but they cannot pressure me to talk and what they did with the following spam and tracking all of my socials online makes me think that they dont respect me and gave me the idea that they want to cause harm on me.

- They said they understand and sorry for causing me so much stress for pressuring me to talk to them. They said they admired my art style. They say the respect me and what they did gave me a wrong impression.

- I said that it's unfortunate that it became this way and knowing their intention now, I wished we have started with a good foot but I could not gloss over the severe stress and anxiety they caused me over 2 years and I dont think we can start over again.

- They said they're sorry that I feel that way even though I don't know them and NOW (that was wrote in caps) I know their intention wasn't malicious. They said they've been trying to reach out to me and say how much they loved my art and that's the reason why they did what they did which is to grab my attention. They wished we could've been friends but since I wouldn't give then that chance, it's okay (umm no?). They said if I have known their intention and give them the chance to that back then, it would saved us a lot of this.

- I said I appreciate the clarification and I am sorry that this is how it ended. I said that I need to prioritize my mental health so I dont think there will be any communication moving forward and I need to set boundaries.

- Their last reply is K, nice knowing me and good luck in life.

They then blocked me and I blocked them before I deactivate my pinterest account. In all honesty, I don't really feel there's a closure because there was no assurance that this will not happen again and I really feel that I was gaslighted into thinking this was a misunderstanding when in fact that they breached my privacy by tracking down my socials despite me having blocked them in my socials. The original text sounds more like blaming me that I got them wrong. I don't feel that they understand that their 'good intention' is deemed to be malicious to me due to the fact that 1) their insistence on finding me when I have made effort to avoid them and 2) We do not know each other at all and what they did is borderline Parasocial to me. I am also disappointed that they do not seem to understand how severe their actions has caused me towards my anxiety. Despite that, I am glad to know the reason with the 2 year of constant stalking and I do not wish (hopefully) to talk to this person again.

For now, that is the end of it (I hope). The reason I typed all of this is for people to understand why have I been so... distant from everyone. I am not as cheerful, sociable and vocal about anything these days is due to my social anxiety about interacting with people and this experience really exacerbates my anxiety to an all time high. I want to be okay and make new friends, it used to be so easy for me to do so but now I have to do second guess on everything like if this person is good or bad and if this person is going to get obsessive over me. It really sucks because I have been avoiding people for months due to this (and other stuff that I have mentioned in my previous post) and feeling so lonely because of that. But now, I really want to heal and be me again. I want to draw things that I liked and actually continue my overly delayed commission. I dont want anxiety to get the best of me.

I hope everyone understands me and be patient with me. I really appreciate people's kindness and I think I need to accept that I do in fact deserve that after terrorizing myself for months.

- Asuka

[clarissaweasley-10]

what are your thoughts on the AGGGTM show?? Have seen a few mixed opinions on here... Is it good or meh or just outrageously terrible?

[lucybellwood]

A slew of goodies headed off to the Wayward Retreats team tomorrow morning! These items will be included in blind box rewards to say thank you to folks who support our Kickstarter (running until November 30th). The team is primarily raising funds to replenish the scholarship fund for creators of color, which has been amply utilized these last few years. (Hooray!)

I've been involved with Wayward as a retreater and returning facilitator since 2019 and I wanna see this community thrive!!! The whole experience feels like the perfect intersection of my interests and proclivities as an artist.

Also I just wanna applaud them for picking the best photo for my facilitator bio.

"Eyy, you wanna buy a flowah crown?"

Anyway, if you're interested in participating in a future retreat, read on for info about Wayward:

Wayward is a creative retreat for artists of all marginalized genders set on Quadra Island, BC. Free from cell phones and internet, the artists at Wayward have the quiet time and space they need to dig deep into their art, experiment, explore, and hone their craft. We welcome nonbinary folks, transgender folks, and cisgender women from a range of artistic backgrounds with the aim of creating a safer space for connection with self, other artists, and the work. Our artists come back from Wayward revitalized, often with important inroads made into new, experimental avenues in their work. In this way, Wayward fulfills its mission of helping artists advance their art and process in service of a more harmonious world.

In addition to solo work time, Wayward creates space for collaboration and adventure. Retreaters create an interconnected group piece over the course of the retreat week. Optional workshops and excursions into the wild are offered for those who need a break from their work. Morning movement class helps retreaters wake to the day in a gentle way. Daily meals are prepared by the hosts and retreaters together, often with greens from the house’s garden, oysters from the nearby beach, or other local ingredients. 

Check out the retreat website here and keep an eye out for future applications! And thanks to @sawdustbear for their stellar work on this campaign.

[zegalba]

Photography by Liu Heung Shing (1989). A young couple waiting under a bridge pass tanks

[misandriste]

Just tell her I'm a friend. A nice Chinese girl. You're not just a nice Chinese girl. I'll fake it.

LYNN CHEN as VIVIAN SHING Saving Face (2004) dir. Alice Wu

[red-catmander]

[lewdprettyboy]

my dad made a joke about how he'd never met a woman irl that would flash their tits just because she was asked and it took every bone in my body to not correct him... 🤭

[pierppasolini]

The Wayward Cloud (2005) // dir. Tsai Ming-liang