#the secret is that she’s actually a massive dork

[error-please-stand-by]

blue is the coolest chick ever i love her

Hehehe I love her too

[incognito-duo]

MUTANT MAYHEM HCs!!

Leonardo

The turtles and Splinter all call him Da Vinci, hated it at first but then grew to love it.

Loves watching Octonauts, and made a video essay about it.

Likes going to Walmart

Watches Vine compilations at 2 am when he can’t sleep

Color codes his candy, for example, only eats all of the red Skittles then the purple ones then green, etc.

Cried over Roblox VC once, and his brother verbally harassed a 5-year bc of it.

After Scumbug got with Splinter, Leo tried to encourage his family to learn the language she spoke. He is the most fluent, but as good as Splinter.

Even though he's a snitch, Leo has blackmail/secrets that are brothers only. (Some things are sibling code fr)

Favorite Dcom is Z-O-M-B-I-E-S, and looks up to Zed.

Loves cheesy Rom-cons, and has a Tubi account just for it.

Donatello

Head of movie nights, mostly watched anime movies but tried to find one the whole family would love.

Has his tent because he owns a bunch of merch, and needed a place to put it.

Simon, from Alvin and the Chipmunks, kinnie. Had a massive childhood crush on Jennet.

Def a Disney Kid, TOH, Molly McGee etc.

Got into Anime, and other fandoms, bc of AMV's.

Fandom wiki user, and a Tumblr user.

Studio Ghibli GEEK!! Made many video essays.

Chapped as hell lips, carries small Vaseline around (Forgets to use it)

Owns a diary

Info dumps and long study sessions a lot

Michelangelo

Only wants bubble tea for the pearls

Had a small wig era... failed, and never did it again. (He only wears wigs in secret)

Has the best handwriting

He could wing a test if he paid attention in class because IMPROV!!!

HAS to sleep near one of his brothers, hence why he has a bunk bed.

Has glow-in-dark stick stars on his wall!!

Number one hypeman when you wanna ask your crush out. Definitely helped Leo with April

Writes in orange glittery pen

Likes to style his mask in bows or fun edges

Over thinks with giving others gifts, decorating, and hosting parties

Raphael

He HATES the dentist

He is actually a big softie and dork (like we all know), so he yaps a lot with April, his brothers, and the people he's REALLY close with

Likes a few musicals because of Mikey, like CryBaby and Ride of the Cyclone

Loves to show off, mostly to impress people

Plays Valorant with Casey

Bullies little kids on Roblox voice chat

Childhood crushes were on Liv from Liv and Maddie, and Cat from Victorious

Likes to munch on waffle cones when bored

He's too loud or too quiet when speaking during certain times without knowing

Owns a journal, and has the most outrageous handwriting

April

Kids still bully her, but a lot have stopped after the events of the movie

She slowly learns how to get over her stage fright

the CUTEST handwriting when taking notes, the aesthetic school notes with the pastel highlighters

Doodles during class, and tends to doodle Leo when working on her newspapers (AprilNardo>>>)

Lowkey hated Casey before they became BFFs

Goes to her apartment roof when she needs to relax, or when bored

Listens to Lofi Girl when studying

Likes to make small, silly comics for the school newspaper

Loves tot bags, or duffel bags!

She is an only child, but loves to hang out with her parents and relatives. Every weekend, she goes to IHop with her family and invites the turtles and Irma sometimes

[kattythingz]

ACCESS GRANTED: THE SECRET SATURDAYS ELRIC-YAOS

Yeah, that's right. I made a fucking Secret Saturdays au. I doubt anybody even remembers this show, but who cares baby!!! The brainworms whispered to me, and they told me to feature edling as Drew & Doc respectively, Nina as Zak, and Lumi (snake baby) as Fiskerton! And who am I to question the brainworms???

(Seriously, Ed is a ONE-TO-ONE of Drew. It's kinda scary. And also explains a lot of my love for them both.)

Just relabel the cryptids as chimeras in this au and the kur stone as the philosopher's stone, and bam.

Also, I have no design for him but Greed is absolutely Van Rook. Yes, Ed's ex in this au. Yes, Ling has BEEF with Greed at first. They'll be fiiiine tho. Probably. Iykyk lmao.

Alternative portraits and stupid design details under the cut!!!!

Edling wear their wedding rings as necklaces to avoid damaging them in battle. Given 90% of their job always leads to one. Technically, Ed started the habit, but Ling is a goddamn dork and wanted to match his husband.

Everyone in the family sports some kind of braid and belt. Ed wears a white smaller one over his purple as a nod to Ling's style bleeding into him, and—vice versa—Ling wears a black belt as a nod to Ed's.

The belt is also Ed's way of wearing his husband's culture somehow. (The leather is not going just because he's married now. It's practical!)

Ling's sun pattern on his shirt matches Ed's belt medallion. (Re: dork.)

Ed's spear (and medallion!) is a gift from Izumi! After he was separated from Al years ago, Izumi took Ed in and taught him all her arcane and martial ways. The spear itself is actually a detachable dagger, that Ed elongated into a spear because that's just more his style.

Like Drew's sword, when it's powered by the sun, Ed's spear can shoot fire. (That's what the pattern is, Ling. It's not a fucking lotus, for the last time!)

Ling's sword isn't powered, but the elaborate scabbard was a late gift from Fu.

(Ed's glove is also a gift from Greed from when they were dating.)

The family has been to enough colder chimera habitats that Ed's permanently switched to Northern automail.

Nina wears a mix of elements from both her parents. A Xingese shirt like Ling, and hardy tights and boots like Ed. The knee guards were a mutual insistence from edling.

The buttons on her shirt are poppies! Exactly like Ling's favorite nickname for her, yīngsù (poppy).

Her right-hand bracelets are color-inspired by her parents too. Her left hand's one is just a cute handmade one spelling her name.

She's strangely short for an eleven-year-old. Edling have gotten one too many comments confusing her for eight. Unknowingly being the philosopher's stone and unlocking said powers young does that to a child's growth.

She has a weapon to focus her powers. Unpictured cuz I failed to figure out what it would be lmao.

Lumi's breed is an evolution of the Nambian flying snake! Her species can't quite fly anymore, but they can still glide their massive weights with their head fins.

She learned all her facial expressions from Nina. Hence the happy flare of her head fins, and her big, adorable "beam".

She's also blind! She was blinded fighting a bigger predator in the wild when she was very young, and couldn't possibly survive on her own after that. Edling rescued her not too long after they'd adopted Nina, intending her to just be a pet... Now just as much "their girl" as Nina.

They did not anticipate her to grow so large.

Ed was the one who named her Lumi. Luminous like the moon; or Lulu, as Ling and Nina insist on using instead.

(Ed's grumbling is full of shit. Even he slips up sometimes.)

Her scales reflect light in pearlescent rainbows meant to mesmerize prey! Optimized in the wild, she can camouflage to practically anything.

[unfortunate-songbird]

Can I have more information about your silles? (Ocs)

Yes yes yes absolutely I love you forever for asking

space gang!

Quill- he’s the team leader he’s the guy ever he was in college to be a marine biologist before he dropped out due to depression and joined the knockoff Star Wars Rebellion. His greatest fear is losing someone he loves to depression / general mental health but he gets so agitated whenever someone comes to him for help (and much of his worry manifests as anger) that it actually keeps people from reaching out to him. He’s obsessed with the Octonauts.

Em- she’s the muscle the brawler the ‘angry one’ as much as she wishes she wasn’t but it’s all she knows how to be. She has to hold grudges because if she doesn’t no one will and she’s always the last to leave any situation because she ran away once as a small child and lost everything. She’s said some unforgivably cruel things when she’s angry because she can’t think over the overwhelming urge to make someone else Hurt. She bullies people as a love language (both banter and actual physical rolling-on-the-ground tussling)

Owen- he’s the acrobat the gymnast the stealth the one in the rafters looking down. He spent his life alone and only recently discovered the joys of being a clown of being funny enough to finally have the attention he craves. He plays it up relentlessly but deep down he’s so scared he’ll end up too much and drive everyone away. He’s the youngest and the protected and it’s both gratifying and stifling. He’s cheeky he’s gullible one time he dyed Quill’s hair green and got away with it because no one suspected him.

Rowan- he’s a rich kid he’s a spy he’s the actor the infiltrator the rogue element the traitor. He decided to doom himself to a painful death rather than ask his friends for help. His natural posture is the letter C. He might be transfem but that won’t occur to him for many years because who has time for gender right now. He’s got a guilt complex. He’s a gay theater kid. He’s incredibly socially awkward. He doesn’t know who he is behind all the masks and is convinced he’ll never be more than his worst mistakes. He’s the reason the kitchen is equipped with four fire extinguishers.

Wedge- they’re the hacker the tech wizard. They’re not even all that good at computer stuff. They grew up as an Empire military kid and the guilt for still loving their family complicit in an evil system eats at them daily. They have ADHD. They’re terrified they’re going to let everyone down like they have all their life. Their family thinks they work at Space Walmart except Cousin Julia who knows what they are (rebel) and goes through Candace from Phineas and Ferb level shenanigans to expose them and it never works. They play Minecraft curled up in a kitchen cabinet. They got so worried about their abysmal pain tolerance and being the weak link that they briefly tried to blackmail Rowan into giving them lessons in torture resistance. They main Kirby in Smash Bros and suck at it.

the fantasy gang is unfortunately less developed but I’ll do my best

Alex- loser high schooler dies (cringe) and becomes a loser ghost. Died with a massive zit and now it’s part of his eternal appearance. No he’s not cripplingly lonely shut up.

Vida- your typical snarky unimpressed middle schooler. Misses her mom :( (died under mysterious circumstances and with a secret past). Secretly loves explosions and funky chemicals. Lowkey disappointed that Alex is just a dork teenager and not a proper gorey scary ominous ghost.

Jamie- Average tween girl likes 20 kinds of bugs is a statistical error. The average tween girl likes around 5 types of bugs (rolly pollies, butterflies, ladybugs, dragonflies, bees) Insects Jeorg who adores every single bug in existence is an outlier adn should not have been counted.

Evan- token cautious nerd. She couldn’t commit to one gender and you think he can make big plot important decisions? Massive fantasy book nerd but in the sense that she wants to stay Far Away from actual magic bc do you even know what happens to people in stories who mess with that kinda stuff?? Lifelong trauma at BEST.

Miko- your typical plucky orphan who lives in a magic boarding school learning to be a wizard. Absolute goober. >:D . They are party rockin in the house tonight. Surprisingly chill abt their home being invaded by Evil Conquering Anti-Magic Kingdom (lie). They’re so silly and that’s all dw about it.

Foaming at the mouth abt them they’re my sillies ❤️

[snowviolettwhite]

Fuck It Friday

From chapter one from "he is a liability so hard to please but, he’s a forest fire." It is being reworked.

Was tagged by the lovely @anewkindofme

-------

It is a lovely day in the city of New York. The seasons are changing from autumn to winter.

The often-brooding tough guy Harvey Reginald Specter is happy and smiling and high-fiving. He is actually a massive dork under that exterior, only a few people get to see this part of him.  Harvey has taken up the persona of the charming alpha male lawyer, at least he is very good at pretending he is. It helps that he is fantastic at his job and winning cases.

Harvey is an omega surviving and thriving, pretending. Outside his family, the only individuals who know are Dana Jane “Scottie” Scott and Donna Roberta Paulson. Harvey and Scottie have been on and off in love since law school. They spent heats and ruts together, sometimes delirious from his heat cycle he begged to be bonded and knotted and impregnated and to have her babies. He has been willing to throw it all away for her. He was a stupid lovesick omega.

Lily Specter, his mother taught him better. She was not there for Harvey. She was barely there for him. He saw the way his apa treated his oma. She cheated on his father. She forced him to keep secrets from his father.

Gordon Spector, his father taught him better. He signed him up for boxing and baseball to protect himself. His father believed love at first sight. He was a professional musician in a jazz band playing the saxophone, mostly playing locally. He was a part-time music teacher and stay-at-home dad taking care of Harvey and his little brother, Marcus.

She encouraged him to take suppressants and scent blockers. He saw the ways his alpha mother treated his omega father. She forced her son to keep secrets from this father, he kept them because he wanted to please his apa and he loves his oma and did not want to upset him.

Donna is his secretary and best friend since working at the district attorney’s office, twelve years since they met. The only reason she knows is because of the one-night stand. His downstairs does not look like an alpha or beta males. They pretend that night never happened.

[black-rose-writings]

MLB - Season 4 - Episode 13

Optigami

Nathalie spending her bedrest using her brain because Gabe's is slowly but surely getting turned into soup by constantly wearing two Miraculous when he wasn't exactly stable to begin with.

So she has used the Peacock at least once since it was fixed, I assume?

"Everyone" is invited. Only the people Gabe knows are Miraculous holder and also Marinette, for some reason.

How fricking strong is Marinette? (This show gives out superstrenght like kinda for the purposes of slapstick cartoon comedy and I'm here for it).

Yeah, okay, dude, can't you find a better place to hide than the fucking bathroom of a massive event. Someone's going to fucking see and/or hear your monologuing ass.

And Nathalie is still the more useful one of them, even when she's half dead and bed-bound.

Is he just going to do that... with Alec still there? Sir. What the fuck.

I'm pretty sure even if you let actual Alec in there, he'd be just as much of a menace and an asshole. Just saying. Dude's a prick.

Look at Alec, just sitting there in the corner all said.

Also, how the fuck is he wearing a headset without having ears?

Look at these two dorks, picking the exact same elevator to hide in and transform.

The Kwamis are so stupid.

One second too late and it would have all been over. Lol.

He missed the secret handshake, lol.

Also, poor Nathalie, she didn't deserve that.

[protemporescitor]

Lost Somewhere In Time: A brief digression on time travel, branching paths, and the impermanence of video game death

*** CAUTION: MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR CHRONO TRIGGER AND FINAL FANTASY VII AHEAD ***

[Leaving this post untagged due to spoilers, and because it pertains to a larger essay.]

So, Aerith bought the farm, the credits rolled, that was it. End of story. Or was it? Back in '97, rumours started to circulate that the ill-fated flower girl, while down, might not actually be out. And before long, all sorts of methods by which she might be restored from her less-than-optimal condition began to crop up. Hidden or missed story choices, secret items, alternative routes, cheat codes, ritual goat sacrifices, etc.

Naturally, these inquests were dismissed as little more than the frantic and desperate flailings of sad dorks who simply couldn't endure the game's themes of loss and grief, and who just had to have Aerith back in the group, no matter what. But there is another reason for all this pandemonium and confusion, one that has nothing to do with dismissing the game's intentions outright, and one which a surprising number of fans still gloss over: The simple fact that something very similar had already happened once before, in another game released by Squaresoft not long before FFVII.

I'm talking, of course, about Chrono Trigger.

Without going into too much detail about the plot, there is a particularly shocking turn of events that takes place close to the end of the story: The main character dies. That's right. Not a minor character. Not the deuteragonist. The actual, literal protagonist of the game.

But that's not the shocking part.

In most stories like this, the main character would temporarily die and then be brought back, because they're the main character. So you might reasonably assume, at least. But Chrono Trigger gives you the option of side-stepping this process entirely and finishing the game without him, leading to one of its dozen different endings. Not some tawdry "bad ending", either, but a perfectly legitimate conclusion to the story. (Similarly, players were given the choice to either recruit or destroy Magus, a key character who had served as the primary antagonist for much of the game. Either decision would affect the overall outcome in some way, but regardless, the option was there.)

Searching for the ability to bring a dead party member back to life doesn't sound quite as daft now, does it?

[punishedsurge]

SBFC 003: My Snake Have Started to Move

Woolie sets up the website, it dies right away and he stays up all night trying to buy better servers and make sure the shit works.

Audible is the first ever sponsor, Woolie says it’s a product he uses and is comfortable advertising. He goes on to list Opie and Anthony as a favorite radio show on the service, he mentions they have Louis C.K interviews on their show. Some comic called Woolie Shitlocks.

[Anthony Cumia got kicked off the show with his name in the title because of racist tirades on Twitter dot com. Louis C.K was cancelled for jerking off in front of people, maybe DON’T do that?]

As Matt cleaned his snake’s tank it escaped the temporary enclosure, he calls out to the silent predator, its name is Jack. “My snake have started to move.”

Pat: Woolie, who are you?

Woolie: A black person.

They make it a point to introduce themselves so the listener knows who is who, and realize they didn’t do it last week.

Woolie: I’m gonna let everyone in on a little secret: Woolie isn’t a nickname.

Pat: That’s not a secret. Are you going to let people know the real secret? As to—

Woolie: NOOO. YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP.

[A mystery we still don’t know, probably.]

They talk about where the podcast is available. [You could listen to them on the Zune, what a fuckin’ throwback.]

On to their weeks:

Liam played Dragon’s Crown. He also watched episode 1 of RWBY, he says the action is good but the characters are shallow and tropey, the rest of the writing doesn’t fare better. He doesn’t think he’ll keep watching it. 6/20 review score.

[RWBY is fairly popular, I only see rule 34 in my feed on the rare occasion.]

Matt has been working on Rustlemania and playing Divekick, is hyped for Killer is Dead. His birthday is today (the day the podcast publishes, they record the day before) so his birthday is coming up.

Pat has an aside. He played Saints Row 4 on pc and tried to fix a texture issue, he ended up having the entire rig shit on itself and then just played Divekick on every other console he has. Dork girl beats his ass with Kenny in every match she picks him. He tried to play FF14 but it was broken so he was unable to, Woolie jokes it’s because of its massive popularity.

Woolie has been mourning his recently bought, pre-owned launch PS3 that was also repaired. The group talks about how many 360 consoles they have burned through; Woolie went through 3, Pat through 4, Liam broke 1 at work, Matt went through 5 at work and only 1 personal console. Woolie laments the issue with getting his saves off the console because apparently PS doesn’t automatically back up your saves digitally? Finally he looked up the podcast’s performance, Ep 002 hit #15 the day it came out.

Gamescom time:

They start with the Xbox showcase, or the lack of anything. They laugh at Fighter Within, Liam calls it flail simulator, Woolie calls it QWOP for Kinect. Matt wants to get a copy of Fighter Uncaged and compare the two games jokingly, he then says the game’s screenshots look nice, like it would be a game he’d play if it were an actual fighting game.

PS4 talk begins with talking about how ugly the red and blue Dualshock controllers are, Pat blames it on the ugly PS4 controller. They agree it’s way more comfortable than the PS3, Pat says it’s 1% better than the 360 pad, “Completely negligible,” he states. Pat feels the Xbone controller is worse and feels bulkier, doesn’t care for the ‘Impulse Triggers’, or rumble in general.

They lust for the White Xbox One, which was ultra limited at the beginning of the console cycle. They spiral down conversations about wanting specific color consoles and cobbling their limited run handhelds together to keep them for longer.

The rest of the news:

Wonderful 101 was meant to be a Nintendo crossover game, similar to Smash Bros. They discuss which weapons would correlate to which character, then Liam says, “Yo, a Captain Falcon character action racing game by Platinum!” Pat and Woolie pog. Pat believes there will a Star Fox-like level in Wonderful 101 that just barely skirts the line of being Star Fox, based on Kamiya’s constant talks about the IP.

[Platinum Games made a Star Fox game in 2016, I think people liked it.]

Matt brings up the issue with potentially making 101 a crossover game, claiming people would complain Nintendo is not making new IPs, but then voices that people are already complaining it’s not a crossover game. “Damned if you do, damned if you don’t,” he aptly says.

Pat: The problem is that new IPs are great, but crossovers are rarer than new IPs.

[AYYY LMAOOOO THIS ONE TRULY AGED LIKE SHIT. Sasuke, Doom Guy and Ariana Grande squadded up about to hit 2013 Pat like a fucking Mack truck.]

Rare is ‘kicking around ideas for their IPs’. They lament the state of the studio. Matt states ex-employees said they had dozens of game ideas and Xbox shot them all down because they didn’t include Kinect integration. Woolie and Matt mock Banjo Kazooie Nuts and Bolts. Pat doesn’t care about the upcoming Killer Instinct reboot, but says he’d care more if Rare was working on it.

[Rare has put out Rare Replay and Sea of Thieves, they worked with the devs who made KI and the newest Battletoads, and Everwild has yet to be a real game. Not a great record, but hey Banjo and Kazooie got into Smash Bros, that’s something I guess. Also Nuts and Bolts walked so TOTK could run. The validity of the last statement is irrelevant because I have played neither.]

This section is dubbed “SNK get your shit together” by Liam. Evidently there are 4 games called KOF Online, this most recent one is a MOBA. They joke about other kinds of weird spinoff games the series could be, RTS, etc. Woolie proposes Metal Slug as a Maple Story type of game.

Blizzard is not opposed to making World of Warcraft free-to-play. Pat claims they’re on the way to it, based on the decline of players in the game. He also mentions cosmetic packs that players can buy have been very successful. Liam asks their guesses for FTP, Pat says in 2016, Woolie mentions ‘Titan’ is delayed until 2016 so he guesses 2015, Matt agrees with someone, Liam says 8 months.

[WoW has maintained ‘free up to level 20’, which was started in 2011 from what I can see, so they’re all wrong. We can all blame WoW whales for the microtransactions hellscape being normalized, fuck you MMO dorks. Titan, a new MMO, was delayed in 2013 but was actually cancelled internally, a small team of 40 (from 140) were tasked with making a new game. They made Overwatch.]

Woolie doesn’t care about the FTP date because the farthest things on his ‘list’ are SF5 and the Mars Mission in 2023, where we’ll be sending humans up to the red planet to colonize.

[Lmao that Mars shit ain’t happening bud, grab a brewski and enjoy the end of the world if you can see through the smoke. Street Fighter 5 released on 2/16/2016, so he didn’t have to wait too long.]

FFXIV relaunched and people are turning around on the game, the problem is the server are entirely busted. [They go into a viewer question that asks which MMOs the boys played, it’s not interesting enough to reiterate here. But Pat did say this:]

Pat: Phantasy Star Online isn’t an MMO. PSO2 is, but you’re never going to get it, shut up.

[PSO2 is on all major consoles and is playable outside of Asia as of 2020, thanks Xbox.]

Fite Game time:

Woolie and Liam played Aquapazza. They like it as a fighting game but are confused as to why *this* one is coming to the West.

Woolie jokes that Undernight Inbirth is coming over, they all agree that it doesn’t need to come over. [It did eventually, as well as its sequel.]

Yatagarasu is getting renamed to Legend of Raven for the Western release, it is also switching from 3DS to Vita. They wonder why the full switch from the different handhelds, Matt says it’s because Nicalis is “a shit publisher that will do anything they can to get the easiest thing….” He is spoken over by Liam and Woolie who adamantly contest his claim.

Woolie says Nicalis deserves respect because he is the guy who convinced Pixel (creator of Cave Story) to get back into making games. Matt’s issue with them is that they promise new games for years, then do not support them. Woolie and Liam are still upset with ‘shit publisher’, Matt doesn’t back down.

Pat tries to divert away from the topic by calling Capcom a shit publisher. They aren’t giving Ace Attorney 5 a retail release, and the WiiU version of Shadow over Mystara has been delayed until September. No one knows why he brought that up during the fite game section.

Ultra Street Fighter 4 is coming out and getting rebalanced. Liam and Pat will fight to the death over Hakan’s oil. Post hit KOs were breaking the game so they took it out.

Killer Instinct has a bit of info. They feel the model for KI is weird with the ‘packs’ that were being introduced, apparently they were different than the new character add-ons and is confusing. Pat would have preferred if they made the whole game then released “Super KI” later like Capcom.

Liam: The biggest bummer for me is that there’s no physical version.

Pat: Hey Liam, get used to that being a bummer.

Matt: Ken Lobb said the physical version will come out way later.

Pat: Oh, I meant in general.

[Killer Instinct’s model is the current model for most fighting games now: launch, add new purchasable characters and costumes, add other free stuff, update until you’re done. Lack of physical releases has only gotten worse, physical is disappearing everyday. I personally don’t care but the choice should remain.]

Pat is concerned about game preservation. If a digital storefront is closing, like Games for Windows Live, the games on it will simply disappear; he also brings up the issue of discs needing to activate via server pinging. He has an opinion about Xbox wanting people to buy into their online infrastructure, even though they have shuttered the OG Xbox online service as well as Games for Windows, though he doesn’t quite finish the thought. He does call those 2 services garbage, however.

[This section is still very relevant, but Pat hasn’t even seen the worst of it yet. Nintendo has closed the Wii, WiiU, and 3DS shops, entirely cutting off the last legal avenue to obtain those games easily; they clearly hate game preservation so it’s a good that emulation is a thing. Xbox has at least tried to get older games onto their backwards compatibility library, though the amount of exemptions is undeniable. We’re still waiting to the Xbox 360 closure coming July 2024, they are vocal about preserving as many titles as possible before then. PS and Xbox are no longer making all-new storefronts it seems, so that’s a plus.]

They have a discussion about how online services lasting longer than it’s initial lifetime is rare, they end up comparing games like APB to digital storefronts, which really aren’t comparable. Pat believes Steam is the gold standard that all other online services should be compared to.

Back to KI [yeah, we’re still on that topic], Ken Lobb promises that KI will be THE first party fighter, they will keep adding onto it rather than make a sequel. A new character was accidentally shown in a Thunder video provided to Gamestrailers, Woolie believes it was Kim-Wu but it is actually Sadira; Maximillian Dood is the only one with the footage of the character so he went sort of viral for it.

Matt thinks all the old characters should be in the game first before a new one, they rip on Spinal for being a dumb skeleton. They also speculate how the returning characters will play.

[Spinal is undoubtably awesome in this KI. The devs release both new and returning characters throughout the game’s life and no one really seemed to complain about all old characters not being before characters like Hisako and Rash.]

Ben Affleck is confirmed the new Batman, “what’s his face” is still Superman. Woolie describes Zack Snyder flicks as ‘cool action, nothing in between.’ Woolie gives Batfleck the benefit of the doubt because of Heath Ledger’s Joker, Pat says Affleck already sucked as Daredevil so he has no faith in the casting. Matt retorts with Chris Evans going from the Human Torch to Captain America. Matt continues with saying people shouldn’t be mad about Batfleck, they should be mad they’re getting ANOTHER Man of Steel movie.

Pat: Ben Affleck has like a 13 movie deal…

Matt: Everyone has a 13 movie deal.

Woolie: Until it tanks.

A bit of an aside, but they get to Mark Hamill voicing the Joker, they state how he’s ‘not doing it anymore’ because Troy Baker is voicing the character in Arkham Origin.

Pat: Troy Baker is going to be the new everything.

[Ben Affleck was fine(?) as Batman. We wasn’t Batman in very many DC movies, cameo or otherwise. Not naming Henry Cavill as Superman is hilarious to hear today because of his status as the unhygienic nerd’s power fantasy come to life: absolutely nothing against the man himself, he’s just a dude. Mark Hamill voiced Joker plenty of times after Arkham Origins; he has stated that he’s no longer interested in portraying Joker now that Kevin Conroy, his Batman, has passed. I hear Troy Baker a lot less nowadays, probably because game devs are avoiding using unionized actors.]

Matt Watch:

He is stalking Trish Stratus, iconic WWE Diva. She owns yoga studios in Toronto called the Stratusphere.

Questions:

“So, has many times has Matt been banned on Neogaf?”

3 times.

“At any point in your life, were you ever sucked up in a shitty card game?”

Woolie: Marvel trading cards, Yomi

Pat: Triple Triad [Answer Validity Contested]

Liam: Magi-Nation, Neopets card game, Legend of the 5 Rings

Matt: Killer Instinct fighting card game, Udon Street Fighter

“Have you ever cosplayed?”

Liam: Brown haired guy in the blue team from Ouendan 2, Neku from TWEWY, Naoto from Person 4.

Woolie: Xavier Stone from Guitar Hero.

“Woolie, why do you hate Deadly Premonition?”

Woolie: I don’t get it. It’s weird in a way I don’t get. It doesn’t appeal to me.

They jokingly talk about the requirement to finish a game before you can dislike it. It leads to Woolie calling out “the i, Robot game.”

Pat: Binary Domain, a great game that you hate because it’s kind of racist.

Woolie: When your black character makes Cole Train look like Nelson Mandela, there’s a problem.

Pat: I wish that Nelson Mandela made Boateng look like Cole Train.

What’s coming up:

Maybe start the next LP, coming 9/1 or 9/2. Rustlemania, one-offs.

[rainboq]

Oh look, I'm still shipping trash.

I'm in the middle of writing a huge ass PriceMarsh fic that I'll be posting when it's done, and I couldn't help but commission my wonderful friend @blusthings for art of these two massive dorks being incredibly gay.

[lokisgoodgirl]

Hello love 💕 my sincerest apologies if your requests aren’t open.

It’s 2am and idk why but my brain just needs a fic where y/n is a pinning mess over Loki. Like she just has a massive crush on him. I’m so sorry this is so vague, maybe I’m just projecting here lol. The team teasing her about it, Loki being and oblivious dork, cute soft ending, soft Loki.

I just wanna feel soft, actually if anyone out there has any good fluffy recs I’ll take them as well, I need some softness in my life 💗

Much love and gratitude

Fluff Drabble Marathon II A link to my Fluff Library is HERE Warnings: Some mild language. Some mild angst. Pining. (w/c 750) A link to my regular Masterlist is HERE [18+] A/N - Hope this makes you feel a bit better my darling.

The Crush

A crush. The name was apt, considering it weighed on your mind every damn minute of the day. The way he moved so effortlessly. So gracefully. The flat line under his chin which drew to the start of his elegant neck. How those taunt muscles on either side of his jaw popped momentarily when he smiled smugly before he said something clever. You wouldn’t be surprised if you had counted every strand of his dark hair twice over, the way it hung around his sharp cheekbones or brushed wildly back from his perfect face. Those dazzling eyes that held all the secrets of the universe, and you wanted to know every single one.

You would give anything...anything, to hear him whisper tales of swirling galaxies and ancient rituals under the sheets of his bed as you snuggled blissfully against his bare skin.

A few days ago, a small team of you had been trekking to a safe house through a remote canyon path, a mix of waist deep water and high rocks. The wetsuit covering his form had clung to his godly body in ways that made your brain want to explode. He walked in front of you, turning every so often when you lost balance on the rocks, extending his hand and letting it curl around your waist to steady you. Those broad shoulders, his muscles rippling under the black neoprene. The way it clung to his ass. It was a wonder you hadn’t hit your head and drowned. He had hovered around you the whole way, shadowing your movements on particularly dangerous sections of slippery rock, making you laugh as you fought against the freezing water. Making you fall more dangerously in love with him with every kindness. You watched as he ambled across the common room, reclining gracefully on the sofa and conjuring a book without a second glance. You would give anything to feel his arms wind around your body, holding you close to him as tightly as he could. To feel his fingers trace lightly up your arm, making your skin tingle. He was perfection. The others didn’t understand. The ones that knew. Every so often Wanda would make a side-ways comment when she caught you staring, and every time you would curse the red wine that made you spill your secret one regretful night through tears of frustration. They didn’t understand. How could they?

Loki’s eyes met yours across the room, a smile gracing his lips as he gave a small wave. You waved back, feeling your cheeks heat as you quickly looked away. Your heart pounded, seeing movement approaching out the corner of your eye. Did you have make-up on? You couldn’t remember. What did it matter? He didn’t care- “Good morning, darling” he said brightly, leaning on the counter across from you. You smiled widely. Too widely? Shit. “Hi.” you quipped, crossing your legs. “Is your knee improving?” he said, concern lacing his tone. You nodded, the bruise stinging from where you had stupidly crossed it with your other leg. You had stumbled pretty badly in the canyon, despite your protector’s efforts. Loki looked at you questioningly, raising his palm in a ‘come hither’ motion. “Let me have a look”, he murmured. You shuffled the leg of your sweatpants upward, trying desperately to remember the last time you shaved your legs. He knelt to the ground below the barstool on which you sat, clasping your bare calf gently in his hands.

“Ouch” he mumbled, brushing his fingertips over the purple bruise. You couldn’t breathe. He traced the lines of your muscles, skimming the grooves of your knee with a softness that made your stomach churn. You willed your mind to record the moment, blood thundering through your veins as he ran his large palms over the skin. “Now, don’t tell anyone…” he whispered, waving his fingers over your knee as a green glow encased it. The bruise shrank and disappeared, a low warmth spreading through your leg as his magic soothed your pain. He winked as your mouth fell open. “I didn’t know you could do that…” you gasped, genuine surprise making you forget your nerves. “I’m full of surprises, Y/N” he murmured in his velvet tones, looking up at you from the floor with something new in his eyes that you couldn’t quite place. “But it’s our little secret, technically I’m not supposed to…” He ran his hands down your exposed calf. In a moment that you would later question if you had hallucinated, he leant forward, placing a gentle kiss on your freshly healed knee. “Good as new” he whispered against your skin. This crush was definitely not going away.

Fluff Tags (Reduced) @lokischambermaid @lady-rose-moon @loopsisloops @xorpsbane @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @nightshadelm @michelleleewise @mochie85 @theaudacitytowrite @holdmytesseract @sititran @mcufan72 @yelkmelk @awkward-and-indecisive @holymultiplefandomsbatman @muddyorbs @gigglingtigger @demoiseller @chantsdemarins @evelyn-kingsley @lollywritesstuff @wheredafandomat @thedistractedagglomeration

[kbluebirdart]

Dead and spirits

People recently talked about what if Zelda’s in the state of approaching death ... well shoot, Nintendo actually had done that even before

(Don’t worry! NO scary pics but SPOILERS)

In Minish cap, Vaati the villain in this game wants the holy power called the force of golden light which is embodied as a constituent part of Zelda's body. He turns her into stone and tries to extract the force light from her body

Which means if he succeeds that will kill her. And If Link couldn't manage to stop Vaati in time in the final battle...

The ritual would be completed, the game fade to game over screen, it mean SHE died...(but the timeline should’ve ends here, So there never actual happened in the canon event...phew)

In Spirit track, Noted that this is the difference game now. She become the Spirit but not technically dead

Even she’s a ghost (in temporary), And needs to get her body back asap, She still have fun times with Link through their adventure till the end, Like there're silliness and dork moments of them in this game. Not considered the best graphic video game but the gameplay is super fun and enjoyable to play! 

----------------------

(this is obviously from TP. pls DON’T look closely to these ghost soldiers face at night yall)

If you played OOT, MM, TP, even SS and WW. these games really carried such creepiness and dark secret of those things... in the dungeons and inside Hyrule castle as it were a part of the convention of Zelda world

But it seemed diminished or weakens now, not very super creepy anymore. BOTW though, they only mention dead of massive amount of people when Calamity struck 

Otherwise, If they still continue to keep this kind of the convention to have ghost like in TP, We could have seen the eyes ghosts everywhere in Central Hyrule and Hyrule castle, haunted Link to all the way to save Zelda  (wait, maybe they were there all along, you just can’t see them...)

[luvdsc]

doing the bf tag with my bf.

hey, siri, does bf stand for best friend or boyfriend? (or both?)

pairing :: na jaemin x reader genre :: fluff / best friend + youtuber au word count :: 4,691 words warnings :: none playlist :: mean it (lauv & lany) ⋆ always, i’ll care (jeremy zucker) ⋆ fearless (taylor swift) ⋆ fingers crossed (coin) ⋆ cardiac arrest (bad suns) author’s note :: this fic is a tiny bit different than my usual writing because i emphasize more on dialogue than description in order to mimic a youtube video. happy birthday to this absolute darling angel! you have the biggest heart in the universe, and thank you for sharing so much of it with the world ♡ ↳ part of the not clickbait series.

Your subscribers have always wondered if you would do this type of video countless of times, and you never thought you’d ever actually record one due to the state of your love life (or lack thereof), yet here you are.

Unfortunately, the romantic department of your life still remains very much empty though. But lucky for you, so is your best friend’s. And that pretty much works out perfectly because he could stand in for your nonexistent boyfriend in order to complete the popular GF/BF tag (along with a hidden challenge that was popular by demand and personally requested by a certain friend with a flair for baking. Now if only the frantic butterflies in your stomach would settle down just enough for you to do it).

After all, BF could stand for either boyfriend or best friend, right?

It’s also no secret that yours and Jaemin’s subscribers shipped you two together either. Heck, you may be a little delusional as well because you ship yourself with your best friend, too. Blame the massive crush you’ve been secretly harboring. But two best friends sharing an apartment and frequently appearing in videos on each of your respective channels? In the eyes of your fans, that’s basically the perfect setup for a modern day love story.

It would 100% be the greatest love story since Kat and Patrick in 10 Things I Hate About You, but at this point in your life, your story is going to be marked down as a tragedy. You feel even more hopeless and dramatic than Romeo was about his unrequited love for Rosaline. Also, that dude got over her way too quickly at the sight of another pretty girl. You wish that would happen for you, too, but your heart is much too stubborn over Jaemin.

When you had asked him if he would do the video with you, Jaemin immediately agreed much to your initial surprise. The publicity would be good though, you surmise later on, and both our fan bases would grow, so of course, he would agree. It’s not like your best friend liked you back. That would be absolutely absurd.

“Are you ready?” Jaemin speaks up, breaking your train of thought, and you’re slightly startled. He plops down in the plush pink rolling chair next to you, the chair moving back a few inches. He scooches it closer to your own chair, buzzing with excitement. You smile at your best friend, pushing down the butterflies erupting in your stomach. You nod before reaching forward and pressing the record button on the camera set up in front of you. You pull up the list of questions on your phone.

“Yeah, let's do this.”

How did we meet?

“Oh, this is an easy question,” Jaemin says, flashing his award winning smile at the camera before he throws his arm around you happily, hugging you affectionately. “It was freshman year. You ran into me. Literally. We were in the same class, and it just ended. You were trying to shove your textbook into your bag and didn’t notice where you were walking until you face-planted into my back.”

The memory is still fresh in your mind, and you remember how you had already resigned yourself to your fate of becoming good friends with the floor. But Lady Luck was on your side for once, and she sent an angel in the form of Na Jaemin to save you from embarrassment on your first day of university.

“Yeah, I almost fell flat on my butt, but luckily, Nana has great reflexes and when he turned around, he grabbed my arm before I hit the ground,” you add on, still squished into his side. He beams, eyes crinkling into half moon crescents before placing a kiss on your cheek and turning back to the camera.

Your heart skips a beat, but you ignore it. Jaemin has always been affectionate, and kisses were all in good fun. You continue on, plastering a nonchalant smile on your face. “And he said, ‘Looks like you just fell for me.’ And then he insisted that we get lunch together.”

“And the rest is history!” he exclaims happily, resting his cheek on the top of your head. You smile fondly before going onto the next question.

Where was our first date?

“The dining hall immediately after you ran into me.”

“That wasn’t a date,” you interject. “We can skip this question since we aren’t dating.”

Jaemin shrugs, waiting for you to read the next question. He murmurs faintly under his breath, “It was supposed to be one.”

We’re going out to eat, where are we going?

Jaemin answers immediately, leaning back in his chair. “The little pizza place down the block! They always make three different types of unique pizza everyday, and once they sell out, they close for the day.”

“We always go on Wednesday because they make both of our favorite pizzas then.” You chime in, and he nods enthusiastically, moving closer to the front and throwing his hands up in the air for emphasis. “They have corn and potato pizza that day!”

You wrinkle your nose slightly before leaning towards the camera. “To my subscribers, for the record, I assure you that I have better taste than that, and I love the artichoke pesto pizza with ricotta.”

What food do I dislike?

“... Corn and potato pizza,” he says reluctantly with a pout. “And kiwis. The outside is furry and creeps you out, and the fruit makes your tongue itch.”

You flash a thumbs up at the camera, and your best friend grins, puffing up his chest. Chuckling quietly, you shake your head before answering the question yourself. “And this dork absolutely hates anything strawberry flavored. And he’s lactose intolerant, so dairy is his enemy.”

“I love cheese, but cheese hates me,” he says mournfully, hanging his head down low before he jumps back up and reads the following question listed on your phone’s screen aloud.

Who is my best friend?

“Me!” Jaemin shouts gleefully, throwing his hands up in the air, and you can’t help but laugh, grinning widely at your best friend, a fond expression on your face.

“You.”

Am I a morning person or a night person?

“We’re both night people,” you say, and Jaemin nods in agreement. “You won’t catch either of us waking up before noon if we can’t help it, and we each have to set up like five alarms just to wake up.”

“It works out because we can stay up together watching movies or editing our videos,” he adds in, turning to you and smiling fondly. “And I always have a partner when I want to go on a midnight snack run to the convenience store nearby.”

Do we have a song? What is it?

“Jeremy Zucker’s Always, I’ll Care.”

“That’s our song?” You’re surprised. You were going to mention one of the go-to karaoke songs the two of you liked to belt out on the top of your lungs after a movie and wine night. Jaemin makes a great Sharpay Evans when you both want to bop to the top.

“It’s the song that reminds me of you,” he says, voice growing softer as he reaches the end of the sentence. Curse your heart for melting into a puddle. His cheeks turn pink under your gaze, and he becomes uncharacteristically shy, clearing his throat awkwardly.

“Anyway, what’s the next question?”

What’s my nickname?

“Nana!” You reach out to poke his cheek, and he puffs them up before pouting at you. He reaches out and pinches your cheek.

“I call you ‘angel’ sometimes. It’s why your channel is called peachyangel.”

What's my weirdest habit?

“Jaemin eats way too much cilantro,” you state, swinging around side to side in your rolling chair.

“I do not!” he protests loudly, and you give him a blank stare. The two of you sit there in silence, not breaking eye contact until he finally relents.

“Okay, maybe I do. But you pour cereal before milk!”

“That’s not a weird habit!” You defend yourself. You are appalled at your best friend. Neither of you have ever woken up early enough for breakfast, so this has never come up before. If you would’ve known this in the past, maybe you wouldn’t be so ridiculously in love with him in the present.

“Yes, it is! Your cereal gets all soggy that way!”

“Only idiots pour their milk first!”

He clutches his heart dramatically. “Are you calling me an idiot?!”

“... So moving onto the next question—”

What do you think I’m talented at?

“Making people fall in love with you,” Jaemin blurts out, and your eyes widen at his answer as your grip on your phone loosens considerably.

“I—I mean, you’re just so approachable, and you’re kind to everyone. You care so much about everyone and everything. People feel comfortable around you, they always gravitate towards you, and you just— I don’t know, you make people feel loved,” he explains, unable to meet your eyes, and his cheeks darken. He fiddles around with the loose strand on his sweater sleeve.

Your heart swells ten times bigger and beats faster than ever. You wonder if Jaemin knows he has the same effect on everyone, too. You hope he does.

You wonder if he knows you’re in love with him and if he would love you back. You hope he does.

When was the first time you said “I love you”  to me?

“Uh, we can skip this one, too,” you say awkwardly, but he throws his arm around your shoulder again, hugging you tightly. “Nope, not skipping! I have the answer to this one!”

He grins toothily at the camera before pinching your cheek for a second time affectionately. “I said ‘I love you’ when you showed up at my dorm and brought me pop tarts at three in the morning after I accidentally drunk texted you, instead of Jeno. That’s when I knew you were a keeper.”

“I did that because I felt bad about throwing up on your shoes at the party we went to the weekend before that,” you mumble, face growing warm when you remember your best friend’s drunken confession a few years back. “Besides, you were drunk. It doesn’t count.”

“Okay, fine, but we say it to each other all the time. The second time I said it was when you brought me chicken nuggets, and I was hungover, but sober.” He says, spinning in his chair.

“I can see the pattern now. You say it when I bring you food,” you say, crossing your arms over your chest with a fake pout. “You love food, not me.”

“That’s not true!” he exclaims, halting mid spin and facing you. He turns your chair towards him, moving forward to clutch both of your hands in his, and stares directly into your eyes seriously. “I love you.”

You inaudibly gulp, helplessly gazing back at him as you feel your face begin to burn, your heart speeding up in your chest. Jaemin grins, leaning back and letting go of your hand. “See? I love you!”

“Y-yeah.” You swallow hard, fumbling over your words. “You love me.”

What is your favorite thing about me?

“Your laugh,” Jaemin replies honestly, reaching out and absentmindedly drawing circles on the back of your hand as he looks at you. “Hyuck told me the other day that whenever I try to do something funny or make a joke, I have a habit of turning towards you for your reaction. It makes me kinda proud that I can make you laugh.”

You know that you’re stupidly grinning like an absolute idiot at this point, but you don’t care. You even almost forget about the camera.

“Your smile,” you answer, maintaining eye contact with him. Your smile widens when you see one appear on his face, his eyes shining brightly. “You have the prettiest smile, and I’m grateful that I’m able to see it everyday or be the cause of it sometimes.”

What film always makes me cry?

“Oh, The Lion King.” Jaemin responds automatically. “We both cry our eyes out at the stampede moment and when Simba tells his dad to wake up.”

“When we saw the live action version together, we brought along a ton of tissues with us, and he used almost all of them.”

What drink do I always order?

“Jaemin is crazy and always gets a venti iced americano with no water and eight espresso shots. He used to drink it six times a day until I yelled at him about it,” you say, shaking your head at the camera before glancing over at your best friend. “It’s seriously bad for your health.”

His lips jut out into a pout as he whines, “You wouldn't let me cuddle with you until I changed it!”

“It was for your own good! Plus, that drink tasted like battery acid!” You exclaim, and he sulks quietly before begrudgingly agreeing. You pat his head in consolation, and he grabs your hand, naturally interlocking your fingers with his.

“I drink it less now and with only two and half shots.”

If I could, what candy could I eat all day long?

“Chocolate,” you blurt out immediately. “Jaemin is a chocolate fanatic. But he’ll take anything with sugar. He has such a sweet tooth. He eats brown sugar when he’s bored. Even his boba drink has 100% sugar.”

“It’s as sweet as you.” Jaemin winks at you exaggeratingly, and you roll your eyes, turning your face away slightly to hide the smile that begins to spread across your face.

“Y/N likes matcha green tea Kit Kats.” He leans closer to the camera, peering into the lens in a serious manner. “If any chocolate companies are watching this, we are both open to sponsorships.”

If I could live anywhere in the world, where would I live?

“Here,” Jaemin says confidently, beaming at you, “You’d want to live here with me. And I want to live here, too. Because this is the bestest place in the world.” He hesitates, faltering for a moment before searching your eyes. “Right?”

Who are you to say no to that?

You smile at him. “Right.”

What am I deathly afraid of?

“You’re afraid of spiders,” he announces, “You make me take care of all the spiders in the apartment.”

“Yeah, it’s the only reason I keep you around,” you say casually, and he gasps, insulted. You give him a cheeky smile. “I’m just kidding.”

He scowls at you, lips pulled into a frown. “You better be.”

What is the first thing that I do in the morning?

“Jaemin is never awake before I am,” you inform the camera, crossing your legs. “I have to wake him up first if we go anywhere.”

“Even if you don’t have to go to an event, you still wake up early to make sure I’m awake, so I won’t be late. So that’s what you do first thing in the morning: wake me up.” Jaemin nudges your leg. “You always come into my room as a blanket burrito with your comforter wrapped around you.”

“That’s because I have to face the treacherous cold to make sure you aren’t late to your events. But you still end up late anyway because you drag me down onto your bed and refuse to let me go until we lay there for twenty minutes,” you grumble, pulling up your legs onto your chair and wrapping your arms around your knees.

“Cuddling is a good way to conserve body heat and start the morning,” Jaemin states, waving his arms around to emphasize his point.

“Really? Do studies show that it’s beneficial to cuddle in the morning?”

“I don’t know.” Jaemin shrugs, making a noncommittal noise. He smiles at you, causing your stomach to do flip flops and your heart to do cartwheels. “But it makes me happy every morning, so I’d say that’s enough proof.”

Who usually wins our arguments?

“Y/N does,” Jaemin sighs heavily, leaning back against his chair in resignation. “You always win.”

“It’s true.” You nod, patting Jaemin’s arm consolingly. “It’s tough always being right, but someone has to do it.”

“You always pout, too, and I just give in because you’re too cute,” he says casually, and you freeze in your seat. Never mind the fact that he’s implying you’re wrong, Na Jaemin just called you cute.

Good thing this is caught on camera because this means you can secretly watch this multiple times in private. And also cringe over your awkward reaction, but let’s not talk about that right now because once again, Jaemin just called you cute. You! Cute! Jaemin! Your mind is honestly short circuiting, and you can’t do anything, except nod and smile like a complete fool.

What do we usually argue about?

“Adopting,” Jaemin says solemnly. Eyes widening, you wait for a moment, but he offers no explanation. You lightly shove his chair, and he rolls a few inches away. “Nana, you can't just end it like that! You have to say more than that!”

Turning towards the camera, you hurriedly explain, “He’s talking about pets. He wants to adopt five dogs and name them after Jisung, Chenle, Jeno, Renjun, and Mark. And then he wants to adopt a snake and name it after Donghyuck.”

“She said we could only get one dog and the snake.” Jaemin scowls, slumping in his seat as he stares into the camera. “I can’t believe she isn’t letting me get five dogs. I love Jisung and all non-Jisung’s equally.”

What’s my favorite clothing item?

“It’s not even yours. You always steals my white hoodie. I haven’t been able to wear it for the past month,” Jaemin complains, and you have the decency to look a little guilty.

You play with the strings of said hoodie that’s currently engulfing your body, curling into yourself as you tuck your face into the sweater like a turtle. “Your clothes smell nice.”

“But we use the same laundry detergent.” Jaemin wrinkles his eyebrows, confusion evident in his eyes. “All our clothes smell like snuggles and cotton.”

“It’s not the same,” you insist, wrinkling your nose, and he shakes his head, lips curling into a smile. He reaches over and tugs the hood of the sweater over your head playfully.

“Okay, whatever you say, angel. You look better in them than me anyway.”

Where am I on a Friday night?

“You’re here with me, eating Chinese take out and watching Criminal Minds,” you answer, and he agrees, nodding.

“We just finished watching all twelve seasons on Netflix, so if anyone has any show recommendations, please send them in!”

What is my weirdest interest?

“Once again, my clothes,” Jaemin says, and you begin to protest but he wags his finger at you. “No, no, no, you don’t get to disagree! You hoarded like six of my sweaters in your closet. I bought you the exact same sweater for your birthday, but you still take mine!”

You silently decide that it is better to accept this defeat than correct him because you actually have seven of his sweaters and a few tee shirts as well.

Who’s my favorite YouTuber?

“Me!” Jaemin’s hand shoots up in the air. “I’m your favorite YouTuber. Next question.”

Your hands start to get clammy as you look down at the final question you have been saving for last. It’s been a good fifteen minutes, and the butterflies still haven’t subsided. If anything, they seem to have multiplied and transformed into a whole rampaging zoo complete with elephants and monkeys.

“Uh, are you sure about that, Nana? ShowMeTheMonet is really good. I also really like itsmebetch a lot.” You stall for time, staring at the last question until the words are stamped in your mind. “Dream Unsolved and Worth It are amazing, too.”

Suddenly, Jaemin is right in front of you as he spins your chair around to face him, frowning and complaining, “What do you mean I’m not your favorite? You’re my favorite! What kind of best friend are you? This is a betrayal! An insult! This is worse than Jisung not calling me his favorite! How could you do this to m—”

“Okay, okay, you’re my favorite! I’m sorry! It was a joke,” you interrupt, but he turns away from you, crossing his arms over his chest.

“No, go make a video with ShowMeTheMonet instead.” He sulks, shoulders hunched over. “If you like her so much, go be best friends with her.”

“I’m sorry! I’ll buy you all the chocolate you want after this,” you plead with him, placing your phone on the table next to you. “I’ll even buy you boba everyday for a week!”

Jaemin brightens up at that immediately. “Oh, yeah! I want some milk tea after this! Okay, what’s the last question?”

You swallow hard, nervously fiddling with the hoodie strings once more and shoving all the butterflies down to the pit of your stomach. Twisting in your seat, you move your chair and spin his around until you’re both facing each other, knees touching.

“‘Where and when was our first kiss?’”

At the immediate thought of kissing you, his cheeks explode in various shades of pink, the tips of his ears catching fire. He’d be lying if he said he hasn’t thought about kissing you daily. Heck, he had to stop himself from doing so earlier when you were burying your face in his stolen hoodie. It’s so unfair that you’re always so cute and looking so… so… kissable.

“I, uh, I don’t think I can answer that,” your best friend stammers out as his eyes dart towards your lips before meeting yours.

“But you got all the other answers right.” Your voice comes out steadier than you thought it would, and you mentally pat yourself on the back. Gnawing on your bottom lip, you pause for a moment, balling your hands into fists before uncurling them and asking hesitantly, “Should I help you out?”

“Yes.” He wonders how exactly you can help him out. Oh god, did he kiss you before when he was drunk? But you would’ve told him if he did that. What if he had ki—

A soft pair of lips lands on his.

You’re kissing him. Oh my god, you’re kissing him! Jaemin wants to jump up and shout it from the rooftops. His heart leaps from his chest, and he’s wildly cheering in his mind as fireworks explode around him before he suddenly remembers that he has to kiss you back.

And so he does.

Jaemin tugs you closer until you’re pulled onto his lap, a muffled squeak of surprise coming from you, and he laughs as he presses his lips against yours more firmly, hands gripping your thighs as you straddle him. Your arms loop around his neck, and your heart ricochets in your chest as you kiss him back until your lungs are screaming for oxygen and you have to pull away.

Jaemin positively beams at you, eyes sparkling as he leans forward and nuzzles his nose against yours affectionately. He laughs breathlessly, resting his forehead against yours. “Yeah, that was really helpful. Our first kiss just happened right here a few seconds ago. And now, our second kiss is about to happen.”

Your best friend closes the distance, crashing his lips against yours once more, and you kiss him back just as fervently, smiling against his lips as he does the same. Never in either of your wildest dreams did you think this was going to happen, but you sure as heck aren’t complaining, and neither is he.

When the two of you finally break apart, you bury your face into the crook of his neck, flustered, and Jaemin laughs giddily, cheeks flushed and eyes twinkling. He hugs you tightly to his chest before nudging you to look up at him. “So did I get a 100% on the boyfriend tag?”

“Yes,” you say, sitting up straight on his lap and grabbing both of his hands in each of your own, intertwining your fingers with his. “You got twenty five out of twenty five. Congratulations on your perfect score.”

“Technically, you did do the boyfriend tag with your boyfriend then, right?” he says slyly, squeezing your fingers. “Shouldn’t I get some bonus points for helping you do the tag correctly?”

You chuckle, failing to contain your smile. “Okay, fine, you get bonus points, too. You did an A plus job, Nana.”

“I’ll take those bonus points in the form of kisses.” He puckers his lips at you, and you easily comply, wordlessly leaning forward to give him one, two, three kisses.

Jaemin grins at you, positively delighted before he attacks you with kisses, peppering soft kisses onto your cheeks, forehead, chin, the tip of your nose, and everywhere else in between until he finally kisses your lips gently.

If this was a cartoon, there would be hearts floating around his head and shooting from his eyes. He leans forward again to kiss you one more time for good measure. You smile mischievously, tilting your head to the side slightly as your hands curl around his shirt. “Are you sure there’s nothing else you want for your bonus points?”

His eyebrows furrow for a split second before his entire face lights up. Jaemin carefully cradles you, picking you up as his grip tightens under your thighs. You let out a quiet squeal, wrapping your arms around his neck, as he stands up enthusiastically.

“Cut the cameras!”

One new notification: peachyangel uploaded a new video!

nana ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚ commented:

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ANGEL 🥺💗💞💖💗🤩💝💕💜🤧💖💘😭💘🌼💐🥺💖🥺🥺🥺

peachyangel replied: ily too baby 🥺🤧💖💖

insert goofy’s chuckle commented:

is this allowed?? there are minors here 😫 jisung look away

peachyangel replied: get your mind out of the gutter, ya nasty 🙄 we turned off the cam because he wanted to go get milk tea

jisung pwark replied: I’m 18!!!!! Stop treating me like a child!!! 

ghosts are real so suck it hyuck replied: @ jisung pwark stop making me cut the crusts off of your sandwiches then

big head king replied: @ ghosts are real so suck it hyuck how come you don’t cut the crusts off of my sandwiches 😭😭

ghosts are real so suck it hyuck replied: @ big head king because you are a grown adult and jeno already does it for you

jenojam commented:

congrats jaemin!! :)

Starbucks Official commented:

we would love to sponsor you, Mr. Na!

FIGHTING HAEYADWAE commented:

OH YOU ARE NANA!!1!1!!! 🤯🤯

ShowMeTheMonet commented:

um hello i would love to do the gf tag with you! i accept!!! it would be an honor 🤩

peachyangel replied: omg yes!!!! 🥺🥺 let’s do it soon 💖

insert goofy’s chuckle replied: @ nana ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚ did… did we just lose our gfs 🤧

mork lee rawr xD commented:

hahaha nice guys ! this was really cute haha

ty track commented:

the babies are all growing up too fast ):

jeno is my favorite commented:

.... i feel so single @.@

DonutKillMyVibe commented:

let it be known that I was the friend who challenged @ peachyangel to do the challenge and hence, I am the reason these two are together 👀👀

ghosts are real so suck it hyuck commented:

someone should make an updated version of that jaemin complaining video compilation with this

big head king commented:

ayyy you all are the GOAT 🐐🐐🐐

jenojam commented:

so are we just gonna let it slide when he called everyone except jisung “non jisungs” ?

jisung pwark replied: 😎😎

insert goofy’s chuckle commented:

is no one gonna comment on how he called me a snake?????

ghosts are real so suck it hyuck replied: @ insert goofy’s chuckle is no one gonna comment on how much of a clown hyuck is???

insert goofy’s chuckle replied: @ ghosts are real so suck it hyuck wtf? where did this even come from

ghosts are real so suck it hyuck replied: @ insert goofy’s chuckle sorry I thought we were stating the obvious here

big head king replied: LOLOLOL

apado gwenchana god commented:

nice 😎👍🏻

[gothamsworst]

WOOO! I BEEN WAITING!

Try to work with me my head is empty at the moment

Dork squad with a fem!(preferred) S/O that used to be in NXT or UFC? they/she maybe has won a belt once or not ;) -NXT is a specific type of WWE just FYI- and their/her personality is the complete opposite of what she does like very gentle and soft and generous/kind! (Sorry it long-)

Jonathan Crane:

He says he's not into wrestling, but that is a Damn lie. He turned it on once as background noise and ended up hooked like a fish. He's not as obsessed as Eddie, perhaps, but he's still a Huge fan.

He's both relieved and a little disappointed that you're so different from your on-stage persona. Of course you are, he couldn't actually expect you to be like that! Unless...? (Haha, jk.)

Please imagine this absolute string-bean trying on the belt. It falls straight down his skinny ass and lands on the ground around his ankles. He has to wear it on his shoulder to hold it up.

Edward Nygma:

Okay, so you know Hugo Vega from Dream Daddy? The complete nerd who has a secret obsession with all things wrestling? That's him. Eddie fucking loves wrestling. But he'll never admit it!

But he goes absolutely feral when he sees you in the ring. He has a shirt with your face printed on it. He has multiple posters of you hung up all over his room. The man is a Massive Fucking Simp.

He has asked you to use some of your moves on him before. And he wouldn't even care if you actually hurt him, tbh. He'd consider it an honor. ("She punched me in the face once. It was awesome.)

Jervis Tetch:

I can imagine Jervis absolutely flipping a table while watching wrestling. Even if he knows it's all fake, it still gets to him! Especially when it comes to watching any of your matches.

Hooooh...big strong lady is Strong. You could carry him bridal-style in your arms and he would one-hundred percent let you, with no fuss. Absolute heart-eyes motherfucker.

You are so Soft and so Sweet--and the complete opposite of your in-ring persona, and he is so very in love. It makes him feel incredibly special, getting to see this little "secret" side of you.

[seyaryminamoto]

I need to express how I love the fact that you never miss the opportunity of making Azula and Sokka very into extremely nerdy computer games in as many AUs as you can. It even made me interested in playing dragon age or hades (yes, because of that band au you wrote for sokkla saturdays and IHTBY. I also like the dragon age au you wrote, though in this one they were actual characters of that world instead of two nerds)

Hahaha, yeah... well, it's because they're nerds! It's canon! xDDDDDD At least, I can't help but see them that way. IHTBY is a hilarious AU where basically everyone's nerdy as hell, Azula had to be a nerd in secret, but now she no longer hides it. Ty Lee and Mai may be the only exceptions, but by now it's only a matter of time before they, too, are recruited into the nerd legions (?)

The online gaming angle really fit with IHTBY because of the original prompts were "meeting online" and "high school AU", both of which I had no idea how to combine organically until that whole idea came to mind. Sometimes the least likely prompts are the ones that do the trick xD but yeah, since it was a "meeting online" situation, I couldn't help but think about how that meeting would come about, and my occasional dabbling in suuuuper old and defunct MMORPGs supplied the answer. The game they play in IHTBY, Dannan, is actually based on the setting of an original story of mine that I haven't really found a way to fully articulate and that I'd probably need to massively rework... but the worldbuilding and concepts I had for it were a decent concept for the MMORPG I needed so, since I very much knew nothing about active MMORPGs at the time I was writing IHTBY, I just made up my own game and that's why they're not playing WoW or Genshin Impact or FFXIV (okay the last two would have been impossible considering how new they are x'D).

As for Hades... I'm still having Hades brainrot to this day x'D finished what may have been my most perfect run in it only yesterday, WITH ROCKET BOMB! (Eris Rail cluster rockets+Zeus legendary+Scintillating Ice Wine cast+Artemis legendary, the RNG gods smiled upon me with that build x'D). If I ever continue the band AU in a distant future, I hope that Melinoe's new adventures in Hades II will serve them as inspiration for making more music...

And in DA... I guess I just made them nerds in-story anyway x'D even if they're IN the game, so to speak, they're still nerdy in some ways. It's a constant, really. These two strategy-driven dorks can't help but thrive in learning new things, acquiring new talents, seeing more of whatever world they're in... I just love them and their inherent nerdiness. It's just one more level in which I'm sure they'd understand each other perfectly <3

[shingekinosimpson]

You Had Me At B Minor: Chapter 9

First | Previous | Next

Pairing: Jean Kirschtein x Marco Bodt

Other relationships: Reibert, Springles, Historia x Ymir, Levi x Hange, a smidge of Jearmin

Rating: Mature

Summary: Jean's band needs a new bass player. Cue freckled Jesus.

Warnings/tags: Long fic, slow burn, Jean POV, friends to lovers, British AU with cannon locations, northern Jean, Unsigned band AU, nonbinary Armin, I promise there will be smut eventually! drinking, mentions of death, descriptions of domestic violence, panic attacks, see start of each chapter for more specific trigger warnings

******************************************************************  

Trigger warnings: Alcohol, Floch being a massive tool

I’m a little unsteady on my feet And carrying the world is overrated I fall to the curb You laughed 'til it hurts Who cares we've been here so many times We're all stumbling through the night It doesn't matter, we're all together And it's paradise in our minds Falling together, arms 'round each other

It’s a dumb thing to say and I know I sound like a total dork, but...texting Marco might be my new favourite thing. We text each other A LOT over the next few days, but the weird thing is, it isn’t weird in the slightest. Once we start it feels like we’ve been doing it forever. I’m proud to say I’m the one who got the ball rolling. After everything that happened on Wednesday night, I made damn fucking sure I reached out the second my sleep deprived brain was coherent enough.

HeresJeany:

Hey bud. You doing okay today? Hope you managed to get some sleep when you got home x

Yeah I know, a kiss on the end. If I had a fan club, I'm sure they’d be pissing their pants with excitement right now. I must have deleted and retyped it about five times before I said ‘fuck it’ and hit send. The message just didn’t feel right without it. And if he decided to rip on me for it, I wouldn’t care. I don’t care if he teases me - actually, I quite like it when he teases me.

I also got the gossip from Connie that same morning. He was up and looking super perky when I eventually rolled out of bed in search of some breakfast.

“Morning! D’you want a coffee?” he chirped.

I could tell last night had gone well – it was written all over his face - but when I pressed him for details on why he’d had an ‘amazing night’ he got very coy.

“You kiss her?”

“No, but she gave me a kiss on the cheek before she went home.”

“…Aaaaaaaand?”

“And nothing!” he chuckled. “Nothing else happened.”

“Connie c’mon. You’re grinning like a Cheshire fucking cat. What else?”

“Look I swear all I got was a peck on the cheek but…I dunno. We just, we had a really good night. I think she likes me too. I think…I think this might actually happen finally.”

“Really?”

He had shrugged his shoulders, but I knew he was ecstatic.

“I think so. I’m not rushing into anything - things are good the way they are now – but I’m not being an idiot either. I’m not pushing her away with mean jokes or playing games like I used to.”

“You mean you’ve finally realised being a stroppy little bitch isn’t exactly a turn on?”

“Hey!” He chucked a tea towel at my face. “Cheeky bastard! But yes. I’m just being straightforward, and things are…things are good.”

“Man. I can’t believe Sasha might finally give you a chance. You’ve been crushing on her for like, how long?

“Too long. Hey,” he smirked. “If Sasha and I finally get it together, you gonna try again with Mikasa?”

“Ha! Yeah right. She’d probably laugh in my face, which I guess is a step up from punching me in the face like the first time I tried it on with her.”

I’d felt weird in that moment, knowing I have this big crush on Marco and not telling Connie about it. I knew it was for the best – if no one knows then Marco can’t find out – but still, it didn’t sit well with me. I felt guilty for keeping it from Connie, but also a little down that Connie could talk about his crush and I had to keep mine a secret. I kind of wanted to talk about it.

“So, you lusting after anyone at the minute then?”

The words had barely left his mouth when my brain did a complete one-eighty and started freaking the fuck out.

Oh god no. I take it back. Please don’t ask me anything!

“You’ve not been on any Tinder dates for a while. Is nobody swiping right for my little Jeanbo?”

“N-nah,” I’d said in a fluster. “Doesn’t matter anyway. Once I get that uniform I’ll be beating them off with a stick.”

Pretty typical of me to deflect something with cockiness but thankfully, Connie took the bait and we started talking about my ever-closer start date – two weeks left to go.

Later that day, I had a reply from Marco waiting for me and we’ve text each other every day since. We started off reasonably civilised, but it didn’t take long for things to escalate into the ridiculous or just random shit we knew the other would like - he sent me a video of Chino Moreno singing with the Pumpkins captioned ‘the planets have aligned’, I responded with a gif of Ned Flanders screaming. I sent him a slideshow of baby sea otters I found on Instagram, he replied with a picture of himself with heart eyes that nearly made me spit my coffee out. He sent me a (weirdly brilliant) 80s remix of a Linkin Park song, I sent him a boomerang of me dancing like a twat.

Don’t get me wrong, we do actually talk in between all these daft pictures and videos. I just can’t help that my first thought when I see something funny is ‘I need to send this to Marco!’ and I really love the idea that he thinks the same thing about me.

I feel a little guilty today though. We were texting each other ‘til quite late last night even though I knew he was at work today. We somehow got onto the subject of Lord of the Rings and then fell down a huge rabbit hole about Frodo and Sam and a whole bunch of other stuff.

Yeah, I know - what a couple of nerds.

I woke up around 10 and sent him a text, apologising for keeping him up. I get a reply at lunchtime.

ItsaMeeMarco:

Hey! Don’t be daft. I’d say it was more my fault anyway. Sorry for keeping you awake with my nerdiness B-)

HeresJeany:

Dude I work in a bar, I’m used to late nights ;) What you doing with the kids at nursery today? Quantum physics and modern philosophy no doubt

ItsaMeeMarco:

We managed to cover quite a lot of that yesterday so we gave ourselves a break with a messy morning today

HeresJeany:

What the hell is a messy morning?

His next message is a picture with the caption ‘Well my pants now look like this so have a guess :p’

It’s a photo of one of his legs, stretched out, with a few red and green handprints smushed into the fabric of his joggers.

Is it wrong that I still think his leg looks sexy? Probably.

HeresJeany:

Haha! Hope you weren’t too attached to those pants

ItsaMeeMarco:

You should see the state of some of the kids. One literally painted himself top to toe and then lay down on a pile of cornflakes

HeresJeany:

Fucking hell that’s hilarious!

We send a few more messages back and forth while he’s on his lunch break and when his last one promises to text me later, I feel like a kid on Christmas morning.

_______________________________________________

On Tuesday night I’m working at the bar with Connie. My penultimate shift before I leave – a fact that Connie feels the need to mention constantly, before dramatically wailing and swooning like a Victorian lady. Oh, and when he’s not stage-crying, he’s using my impending departure as an excuse to Koala bear himself to my back.

“You’re leaving meeeeee!”

“Con, we live together. I’ll see you all the time.”

“No you won’t. You’re going to abandon me for all those hunky firemen!”

“We can hold him down and break his legs if you like son!” Pixis is sitting at the bar considering us with a cheeky twinkle in his eye. “I don’t know where I’ll go for a decent whisky sour when this one leaves,” he continues, gesturing to me with his empty glass.

“You’ve still got me!” Connie grins. “I’ll still be here to make you one.”

“Not a bloody chance! You always make them too sweet Mini-Springer.”

Connie releases me to defend himself, one hand on his hip, looking eerily like his mam. “The hell d’you mean I make them too sweet? You always bloody finish them so they can’t be that bad!”

“Yes, because I always pass it back to Jean when you’re not looking so he can fix it!”

Connie is absolutely agog, standing there like a guppy fish. Pixis and I crack up laughing.

“Wow. Okay. I see how it is,” he grumbles and shoots me with a glare of utter betrayal. It just makes me laugh even harder.

“Listen, you can stand there pouting about it, or you can help me Kathy Bates this son-of-a-bitch and keep him here!” Pixis laughs.

“Woah, okay listen. I’m sure there’s a way we can do this without smashing my ankles to pieces. How about I teach Connie to make it the way you like?”

Connie scoffs next to me.

“Hmm.” Pixis narrows his eyes as he considers my proposal. “Go on then. Let’s give it a try.”

I turn to Connie with the smuggest grin and pat him on the shoulder.

“Oh please, oh great one! Teach me how to make the holiest of whiskey sours. It’s not like I’ve been making them for SEVEN YEARS OR ANYTHING!” he cries, throwing the last words at Pixis.

I ignore Connie spitting his dummy out and start mixing up the drink. “Look, it’s nothing fancy. He just likes more bitters and less syrup. Pass me that lemon juice.”

I finish up and pour the liquid over just the right amount of ice.

“Cubes, not crushed or I’ll crush you!” Connie mocks in his best Pixis voice.

“Heard that!” Pixis retorts.

“Here,” I say to Connie. “Have a try.” He dips his straw and puts a finger over the end to suck up a sample. “Taste the difference?”

He nods pensively with the straw in his mouth. “Mmm. Okay I think I got it.”

I pass Pixis the drink while Con has a go at replicating it, sliding it in front of Pixis’ nose moments later.

“It’s on the house,” he grins, batting his eyelashes.

Pixis looks at the glass suspiciously and takes a sip. “Hmm, the fact that it’s free may be clouding my judgement but…that don’t taste too bad son.”

“Yes!” Connie cries in triumph.

I bow and mime taking a crown off my head. “I hereby pass the whiskey sour crown to you Sir Springer. Use it well.”

Pixis has all but drained Connie’s drink and slams the glass down with a satisfied ‘Aaah!’

“Can I make you another P-Dog?” Connie asks.

“Easy now. If you two buggers keep plying me with free drinks, I’m liable to go soft and start doling out money for your wedding again.”

Connie’s eyes go wide. “You remember that!?” he says aghast.

“I remember everything,” Pixis smirks with a tap of the temple and a wiggle of his moustache. “C’mon then, you courting her yet or what?”

“Yeah Con, you courting her yet or what?” I parrot.

“Piss off you!”

The smug smile drops from my face when the little bastard reaches out and twists my left nipple.

“OWWW JESUS!” I squeal, slapping him with a cloth.

After a few more eye-for-an-eye acts of retaliation, Connie tells Pixis about his date night, who in turn, regales us with tales of great loves lost and won over the years. He even brings up his wife, who he rarely talks about. It’s not difficult to understand why when an uneasy mix of pain and tenderness crosses over his features. It’s about ten years since she passed, or so I’ve been told, but it clearly still affects him deeply.

He finishes telling us a story of how the little caravan they honeymooned in got loose and rolled downhill into a ditch while they were ‘consummating shall we say.’ Connie and I are both crying with laughter by the end, picturing the look on the face of the helpful dog walker who looked through the window to check they were okay.

Pixis barks an infectious cackle before growing solemn again.

“I know we talk a lot of nonsense lads, but if there’s one sensible piece of advice I could give you, it would be this: If you find someone special, someone that gives you strength you never knew you needed, hold them close…and don’t take your time together for granted, because you never know when that precious time will suddenly run out.”

My heart contracts at his words and it takes me a beat to realise my hand has reached into my pocket, where my phone should be, my fingers stroking absentmindedly across the rough fabric of my jeans.

“Well, that’s enough soppy bullshit for one evening!” Pixis cries, jolting me from my wistful thoughts. “Mini-Spring! Tell us something silly before we all wither away in despair!”

“Erm…Ooo! I made friends with a squirrel the other day!”

“Of course you did. Tell me all about it!”

I decide to take my first break and leave them to it. I hate to say it, but I miss Marco and I want to see if he’s texted me.

Urrrrrgh! Just admitting how needy I am makes me squirm.

I jiggle the key in my locker and open it. Connie’s mam has always been super strict about phones behind the bar - a rule we respect even when she’s not here. It’s one of the few things I’ve known her be deadly serious about.

“No self-respecting son of mine is going to put our customers off by being an anti-social, candy crush loving…bloody…app-for-that worshipper! And that goes double for you Jean!”

“What!? Why double for me?”

Marco and I last text at lunch today, but you’d think it had been weeks the way my heart giddy ups against my ribcage when I see a new message from him.

ItsaMeeMarco:

Sooooo guess what my mum brought home today

Very random. I have no idea what the hell he’s on about…but I fucking love it! It’s exactly the kind of message you would send to your favourite person without even thinking about it. Not that I’m delusional enough to think I’m Marco’s favourite person, but I can pretend…

HeresJeany:

I hope for your sake it was a family size pack of Jaffa Cakes

His reply comes through. A picture.

Oh. My. Fucking. God!

It’s a kitten. Marco’s got a fucking kitten. Black with white paws and a white chin and possibly the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

HeresJeany:

asfkslkdjkldjsjhdskfj!!!!@@

ItsaMeeMarco:

Haha! Right?

HeresJeany:

How have you got a kitten????

ItsaMeeMarco:

Well technically she’s Mia’s. Mum thought it would help with her anxieties. She surprised us both with her today.

HeresJeany:

What's she called?

ItsaMeeMarco:

Mia’s called her Katniss

HeresJeany:

Brilliant

I’m so jealous. If it wasn’t for Connie being allergic, I definitely would have got myself a cat by now.

We used to have a cat, my mam and me. Lucy. We got her when I was 5. She was tiny, but she was a little scrapper - she’d send big Tom cats running for their life if they so much as looked at our garden - but she was also super playful and affectionate. One of her favourite things to do was fall asleep on my chest. Even if I was already asleep, she’d jump on my bed and nudge my nose until I held up the blanket for her to come under and snuggle down. We fucking loved her. She left a big hole when we lost her. She had a good innings though; seventeen when she died which is pretty good going for a cat.

And now one of my friends has a frickin’ kitten. I need to think of a way to get myself invited over to Marco’s. Like, I NEED this furball in my life.

HeresJeany:

Not to sound too dramatic but if you don’t let me have a playdate with her I might actually die

Okay. Not exactly subtle, but nothing ventured nothing gained.

ItsaMeeMarco:

Haha! I’m not busy tomorrow night if you wanna come over?

Well that was easy. Shame I’m working tomorrow.

HeresJeany:

Can’t :(   I’ve got my last shift at Springers tomorrow. Will you be in on Thursday?

ItsaMeeMarco:

Yeah but aren’t you at practice on Thursday?

Shit that’s right. Marco’s babysitting but Connie, Eren and I all agreed to practice on Thursday night. Would it be bad of me to ditch? Probably. But then again there’s a kitten on the line here so how could I not?

HeresJeany:

New rule. You’re allowed to ditch practice for kittens

ItsaMeeMarco:

Ha! Okay sure. I’m keeping an eye on Mia but I’m up for a bit of company if you don’t mind?

HeresJeany:

Yeah sounds great what time do you want me?

ItsaMeeMarco:

My mum’s going out around 7 but come over whenever :)

_______________________________________________

I rumble down the road towards Marco’s house, hitting the odd pothole here and there. This is by no means a rough part of Trost but being mostly rental housing means it’s an odd mix of students, shared houses and families hoping to get on the property ladder, so no one feels the need to spend money keeping up their home’s exterior.

My car purrs to a stop as I pull in next to a bay window set back from a low brick wall. Marco’s house looks a lot more inviting than the rest; it’s original art-deco tiles gleam in front of a navy-blue door, flanked on either side by pots of bright daffodils. It’s a nice touch.

As I jump out and lock my car, I check my watch – nearly half seven. I’d like to say I’m late because I didn't want to seem too eager, but in truth I was stressing over my clothes.

I know, standard Jean.

It’s really hard to look good but also like you’ve made no effort okay! I decided to play it safe in the end and put my big hoody on under my denim jacket. Dressing up just to hang at his house would look a bit suspicious.

I push the doorbell and fiddle with my sleeves while I wait. My stomach rockets into my throat when the front door clicks.

“Hi!” Marco swings the door open and fucking beams at me with that big dorky smile of his. He looks so genuinely pleased to see me. Honestly, it makes me a little weak at the knees and I wonder how I’ve survived the past few days without seeing that face in person.

“Hey! You alright?”

I made a good call with the hoody – Marco’s not dressed up in the slightest, just grey joggers and a well-worn, black Nirvana t-shirt. I don’t know if that’s worse though, he looks kind of…cuddly.

“Good thanks. Come on in.”

He moves to the side but I still have to squeeze past him to get in the house. Not quite close enough to touch, but almost.

“Kettle’s just boiled. You want a cup of tea?” he asks as I follow him down the hallway.

“Yeah please. You want a hand?”

“Nah you’re good, make yourself at home.” He gestures through an open door to my right and I step through. “Milk and sugar?” he calls.

“Yeah, one sugar please.”

The living room’s a decent size, running the length of the house. There’s a dining area towards the back and seating area at the front, with two mismatched sofas and a comfy looking chair I can imagine causes many an argument over who gets to sit in it.

My eyes study the smaller sofa in the bay window, distracted by the fact that there’s a small clothes rail next to it. Odd place to have one.

Moving closer, I recognise one of the shirts hanging on it. It's the black and polka dot one from Marco's first gig. Wait, all of these clothes are Marco's. Why would he-

"Hey Marco are you-? Oh hi."

I nearly jump a friggin’ mile when Mia swings round the doorway, another girl looking over her shoulder to see who's in the room.

"Hey. Err, Marco's in the kitchen."

"Oh okay," she says flatly, grabbing her friend by the arm and tugging her away.

I debate following them to see if Marco needs any help, but the not-so-coy smile Mia's friend throws me over her shoulder makes me rethink that plan.

“Jesus Charlie be more obvious why don’t you?” Mia scolds as they walk down the hallway.

“What? I can’t help it if he’s fit!”

Oh jeez.

“Are you seriously victim blaming the poor guy for being attractive?”

“No I just meant-"

The kitchen door closes and I (thankfully) don’t hear the rest of the conversation.

While I wait for Marco, I check out the bunch of photographs perched on the mantel piece. Baby Marco has to be here somewhere...BINGO! Third from the end is a picture of a chubby, freckled baby. He’s sitting in blue dungarees clapping his hands with a look of sheer joy on his face – eyes bright, gummy mouth wide open.

I grin wickedly and take a sneaky picture on my phone – I’m sure I’ll find a hilarious use for that at a later date. Another picture catches my eyes and I snort. Oh my god. It’s Marco in fancy dress as Billie Joe Armstrong! At least I think so - I suppose it’s entirely possible Marco used to wear all black with a red tie and eyeliner for real. A tiny Mia dressed as a pumpkin is stood next to him, not looking at the camera, just staring up adoringly at her big brother with the biggest smile.

At first I think it’s cute, but as I study the picture a little closer, I find there's something, I dunno…off. It’s like I’m not really looking at Marco. The tell-tale freckles and dark hair are there, but the boy in this photograph has a different aura about him. At first glance, you'd assume he’s a typical awkward teenager who hates having their photo taken, but there's something else in his eyes. A subdued look...a sadness.

I barely register I've picked up the frame to look at the picture more closely. Then I spot it. He's trying to hide it by tucking his arm behind him, but it's just visible below his elbow. A bright orange cast. This must have been taken not long after he broke his arm…or rather, after his dad broke his arm.

A huge, jagged rock drops to the pit of my stomach, making me wince. When Marco was describing his past, I could only imagine it, which was heart breaking enough. Now, the reality is staring back me. A mixture of anger and grief prickles over me and I put the frame down with a sad sigh.

The next photograph, thankfully, tugs a smile from my mouth, and I breathe a little easier taking in three freckled faces.

It's a much more recent photograph of Marco with his mam and his sister. His mam’s half screaming, half laughing, while his sister lies across her lap striking a ridiculous pose. Marco's wrapping his arms tightly around his mam’s shoulders from behind, his face flushed and grinning wildly.

Warmth spreads through my chest. Looking at Marco and his family here, you'd have absolutely no idea about the hell they've been through. You can feel the joy and the love they have for each other. A perfect moment captured forever, showing how far they've come.

They're not victims. Even the word ‘survivors’ doesn't do them justice. They're fucking superheroes.

“Hey, here’s your tea.” I turn to see Marco padding towards me with two steaming mugs. “Having a good laugh at my expense are we?” he smirks nodding at the rows of pictures.

“Maybe. You look good in dungarees,” I say jostling him in the shoulder. He just laughs. I point towards the one with his mam and sister. “I like this one. You guys look hilarious here.”

"Yeah," Marco chuckles softly. "That was at my uncle's birthday party when we'd just moved here."

As I turn, my eyes fall on the weird rail and sofa arrangement again. “Hey how come all your clothes are down here? Doesn’t that get a bit annoying?”

“Oh, well…” He scratches the back of his neck. “This is…kind of my room.”

“What? How come?”

He shuffles over to the sofa and sits down. I take it as my cue to join him.

“Well when we moved here all of the three-bedroom places were way more expensive and it seemed pointless paying for it when I knew I’d be looking to move out in a few months so I offered to just crash on the sofa bed.”

Oh Marco. Could he be anymore selfless? I’d lose my fucking mind if I didn’t have my own space.

“Aw man. That must suck in the short term though. I’d go mental if I had to stay in my mam’s living room.”

“Yeah it’s a bit annoying at times but Mum and Mia are pretty good about leaving me alone. And we have a system for when I’m getting changed.”

“A system?”

“Yeah I basically just yell ‘I’m having Nakey Times!’ and then they know not to come in.”

I throw my head back and laugh. Nakey Times, brilliant.

“I might start using that system with Connie. I’ve seen his arse way more times than anyone should ever have to.”

Our laughter is interrupted by a loud tinkling noise that has me seriously wondering why the fuck Santa would be riding his sleigh through Marco’s house of all places, but then I see an excited little furball skipping into the room.

OH. MY. GOD.

No words. There are no words to describe how adorable this cat is.

“Hey little pudding!” Marco chirps, leaning down to greet her.

“Oh my god she’s so fucking cute,” I gush holding my cheeks like a total dweebus, already completely in love.

She sniffs at Marco’s fingers, her little tongue peeping out for just a second, before stepping forward to investigate my shoes. Her paw starts batting at a loose lace and I try not to combust.

“Hey gorgeous!” I squeak, bending low to tickle her head. I chuckle as she stops to press her nose to the end of my finger. Then she jumps up to investigate my denim jacket slung over the arm of the sofa.

“Oh my god. I actually love her.”

Marco laughs, a gorgeous musical chuckle. “Worth missing band practice for then?”

My mouth says, “Yeah definitely!” but I feel a horrible twist of guilt. I made up some bullshit about seeing my mam tonight instead of telling Eren and Connie the truth. One, because I knew they’d be pissed, but two, because I don’t want them to realise I’m not just here for a kitten.

“Oh have you eaten? I was gonna stick a pizza and some chips in the oven if you wanna share?” Marco asks.

“Yeah thanks, pizza sounds good.”

_______________________________________________

After sorting things out in the kitchen, we settle down on the sofa and Marco starts flicking through the TV guide.

“So how was your last shift at the bar?”

“Yeah good thanks, though my sides hurt from Connie squeezing me so hard. Also, his mam cried.”

“Aw that’s so cute! Love Connie’s mum. She was so funny when I was talking to her at our gig.”

“Yeah she’s great. I’ll miss seeing her as often.”

Marco scrolls through the guide before blindsiding me with the comment, “Aw yes! The Greatest Showman’s on!”

I cock an eyebrow at him. Oooookay. Did not expect Marco to be into musicals. He sees the disapproval in my face and quirks a smile at me, like he’s ready to fight me on this. I’m really starting to love how genuine he is around me. A few weeks ago, he probably would have blushed and smiled awkwardly at his dorky film preference – now he couldn’t care less.

“What?” he says with an air of challenge. “You gonna sit there and tell me you don’t like The Greatest Showman.”

“Never seen it.”

“You’ve never seen it? The hell is wrong with you!?”

I metaphorically bite my knuckle with a nnggh! Why do I find it so hot when he teases me?

“The hell is wrong with me?” I retort, fisting my hand in the cushion next to me. BOOF! “What the hell is wrong with you?”

He grabs a cushion before I have a chance to stop him. We smack each other in the face a few times amongst bouts of laughter. He eventually backs down and calls truce.

“Okay okay enough!” he laughs breathlessly, and when he sweeps a hand through the hair that’s fallen in front of his face, I notice the crinkles at the corners of his eyes – my favourite type of Marco smile. “Well we definitely have to watch it if you’ve never seen it.” He picks the remote back up. “And even if you don’t like it, we can at least perv on Zac Efron.”

Zac Efron? Really?

"Yeah he’s err, not really my type."

"What buff with a ridiculously handsome face?"

I almost look Marco up and down and say 'You’ve got me there!' but hold back. Bit inappropriate.

"Whenever I hear the name ‘Zac Efron’ I always picture him in High School Musical with that awful hair,” I grumble.

He scrolls to the right channel and selects it. “Okay wait ‘til you see how hot he looks in this.”

“Marco, I really don’t think I’m go- Oooookay yes he’s rather attractive.”

If you ask me, Zac Efron should always wear a tight shirt and waistcoat, because Lord have mercy. Boy’s came a long way since his Wildcat days.

“Told you! Yes, it’s up to a good bit. Watch the barman!”

I do enjoy the barman. I tell Marco about the messes Connie and I have gotten ourselves into, trying to do tricks like that at Springer’s. His laughter is infectious. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of hearing it.

"Have I sold you on Zac Efron then?”

“…Maybe. Still not sure who I’d choose between him and Zendaya though.”

“Told you,” he grins, finishing off his tea. “So you know how you said he’s not your type?”

“Yeah?”

“Who is your type?"

Oh god. This could open up a whole can of worms Marco! Seriously, is he trying to make me flustered and slip up here!?

Well no, obviously not because you’re friends so just answer like you would with anyone else.

Trouble is, when I think about my past crushes, I find I don't really have a 'type' - raven-haired Mikasa, sweet and waif-like Armin, tall, strong (and painfully straight) Joe from my old job, fair but fierce Hitch...

"I don't think I have one really...I find all kinds of people hot. Like, the other week, I finally got round to watching Call Me By Your Name, and I couldn't decide who I wanted more out of Armie and Timmy, and they couldn’t be more different."

“Oh my god I love that movie! They're both so hot aren't they?"

"Yeah so hot...I guess I have a bit of a thing for people with tattoos or piercings, but that's about it."

He nods, placing his cup down on the coffee table.

"Hey I keep meaning to ask,” he says cocking his head to one side. “Do you have any tattoos?"

A wicked thought flashes through my mind and before I can stop myself, I'm grinning and lifting up my top to show off my chest piece – the white pony from my favourite Deftones album with a pair of wings spreading out across my pecs, surrounded by black and white florals. If Marco thinks I don't notice his eyes widen, he's sorely mistaken (hehe) but he composes himself quickly and leans forward for a closer look.

"Oh wow! That's really cool! Did you design it?"

"Nah I just knew I wanted the white pony. My tattoo artist whipped up the rest."

"Did it hurt? Having your chest done?"

His breath just manages to tickle my skin and I break out in goose bumps. Kind of regretting my decision to show off - now I'm the one trying to compose myself. 

"The bit in the middle was a bitch but the rest wasn't too bad."

"Marco, does Floch know you're looking at other guy's tits?"

Jesus fuck!

I hadn't noticed Mia standing in the doorway. Marco jumps a fucking mile as I yank my shirt back down and turn roughly the same colour as a beetroot.

Well, that little show of audacity backfired quickly!

"Christ Mia! You scared the hell out of me! And I wasn't doing anything! We were just talking about tattoos!"

She cocks her head to the side as she looks at me. Gulp. “Why you got a horse on your chest?”

“It’s a pony. ‘S from an album.”

"Mmhmm. Okay pony boy," she smirks as she turns to leave, clearly pleased with how flustered we both are. “Hope you’re keeping your tits under wraps Marco. No shenanigans!” she calls back down the hall.

"Stop saying tits!" Marco yells after her.

"TITS!" she shouts.

It's cruel, but I can't help but burst out laughing at that point, spluttering at the exasperated look on Marco's face.

“Shit,” Marco says looking at me nervously.

“What?”

“She must’ve smelled our pizza! Quick before she nabs it!”

_______________________________________________

I behave myself while we watch the remainder of the movie, though Mia doesn’t. I shit myself for the second time that night when her and her friend burst into the living room during ‘This Is Me', singing at the top of their lungs and holding wigs to their faces for beards. Even Katniss toddles in to see what all the fuss is about – cue me ignoring the film so I can play with her/take a ludicrous amount of pictures.

All the attention I give her pays off though. Near the end of the film she wakes from the spot she’s made on the comfy chair, walks over to the sofa and jumps up on my knee.

“Oh my god,” I whisper to Marco. He smiles sweetly, watching her turn in circles before settling down. “I’ve been chosen!”

“She’s taken to you very easily.” He rests his head on the back of the sofa. “My aunty was here yesterday and Katniss kept ignoring her. She was like, ‘Why won’t you let me love you!?’ It was so funny.”

It’s not particularly late but there’s a sleepy, almost dreamy quality to the way he looks now. I’m drawn like a moth to a flame, right back to those beautiful eyelashes I’ve admired so often – casting tiny shadows over his soft features.

I think this is the most relaxed I’ve ever seen him. It’s so good to see, and not just because of how gorgeous he looks, but because of how rough a time he’s been having recently.

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

“...This sounds serious.”

“It is.”

“Okay. Shoot.”

“Do you curl your eyelashes?”

He splutters before wheezing with laughter. Katniss' ears twitch at the sound but she doesn’t stir.

“Dude, what the fuck?” he giggles.

“What? I’m serious! They’re so long and dark its unnatural!”

“Yeah I thought you were about to ask me something actually serious you weirdo!”

I love this. I love how silly this is. I love his laughter.

We chuckle together a little longer. Katniss doesn’t seem to mind the movement and purrs when I start scratching her ear.

“While we’re on the subject though, we can talk about something more...serious...if you need to.”

He may not want to, and that’s fine, but I promised myself I wouldn’t leave here tonight without asking how things are, how things really are. I need him to know that he can, that last week wasn’t a one-off, that he can come to me anytime he needs to, and I won’t feel awkward about it.

“Well actually…I had an argument with Floch last night that’s been making me feel a bit shitty.”

Oh.

“Sorry I know you probably didn’t mean relationship stuff! We don’t have to talk about it. It’s fine.”

Even if it means hearing things I know will hurt me, because his wellbeing is more important than my stupid infatuation.

“No don’t be daft! C’mon tell me what happened.”

He studies my face for any trace of ‘just being polite’ but continues when he doesn’t find any.

“Okay well…it’s not that big a deal really. I mean…we patched things up and it’s better now but, I dunno…I feel bad.”

“Why do you feel bad?”

This better be good. Like he better have ran over Floch’s grandma or something because if he’s made sweet, kind, beautiful Marco feel bad over nothing I will hunt that fucker down.

“So yesterday, I’d had a bad day. Work had been a bit crap and it had set my anxiety off so I wasn’t in the best headspace. Anyway, he’d text me that morning asking if I wanted to come to the cinema with his friends. I’d said yes at the time but later on, the thought was really starting to panic me. Like, I don’t know them very well and I’d felt really on edge all day and I just wasn’t feeling up to it, so I made up an excuse that I didn’t feel well and asked if we could just hang out at his place instead.”

I get it. I have a pretty good handle on my anxiety these days, but I remember that sickly feeling when you know you have to go into work or meet someone and it takes all your energy to get through it. Guilt twists in my gut when I remember Marco had originally asked if I was free last night. If I had been, then maybe I could’ve helped.

“Floch was pretty pissed off about changing things at the last minute but he went along with it. We hung out at his and I felt better...but then I got a message from Mia. She was really upset and asked me to come home, so I had to leave. We got into a big argument and I got really defensive about Mia, but it wasn’t his fault. He was just annoyed that I’d changed our plans and then I ended up having to go home anyway.”

What a fucking child. Like could he seriously not read between the lines and realise something was up? I try to keep my voice even.

“Does Floch not know? About Mia and...” I don’t want to say ‘your dad’ - the bastard isn’t worthy of the title – but I suppose saying ‘that shit stain of a human being’ wouldn’t be appropriate either. “...everything.”

“No. He doesn’t know. I’ve wanted to tell him but, I’ve never found the right moment and then yesterday…” He huffs and runs a hand through his hair. “I should have told him then. It would have explained why I was acting so weird.”

“So…what held you back?”

As much as I hate Floch, he is Marco’s boyfriend. Marco should be able to lean on him for these kinds of things. Yeah, he’s got me, but I can’t give Marco everything he needs, as much as I want to.

“I dunno…We’ve been together a while now, but a few months isn’t really that long in the grand scheme of things. I guess I’m just worried about scaring him off. We don’t really talk about serious stuff.”

There’s something about the way he says this that angers me. I have to wonder how many times Marco’s needed to talk about ‘serious stuff’ recently and he hasn’t been able to. Why can’t he talk to Floch? Why does he feel like he would scare him off if he did? If I’ve picked up on those moments where Marco hasn’t been himself or has had something on his mind, then surely Floch has. Why hasn’t Floch asked him about it? Why hasn’t he given Marco that small push to open up and trust him?

If you’re serious about being with someone, surely you would want to learn more about them - the good and the bad. If someone is willing to share in your happy moments, they should be more than willing to share in your pain too. And if they can't be there when you need help picking up the pieces, they don't fucking deserve to.

I so desperately want to tell Marco this, for him to understand that he deserves better, but in my current agitated state the best I can manage is, "Marco, he’s your boyfriend. You should be able to talk to him about anything. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, if he cares about you, he should want to know.”

“Yeah I know... I guess you’re right. I should tell him. Thanks Jean.”

Typical. I wanted to show Marco it's not right that he doesn’t feel comfortable opening up to Floch and I end up giving him good relationship advice.

“Don’t mention it. It’s what I’m here for.”

“Oh I nearly forgot, I got you something!”

He what?

“You what?”

“Hang on.”

He gets up and walks to the sofa bed, digs around behind it and then pulls out a brown paper bag.

“What’s this?”

“Just something I saw and thought of you. It’s nothing big! I just wanted to say thank you for last week and…everything.”

My heart is threatening to smash out of my ribcage like a fucking juggernaut. He saw something and thought of me. He bought me something to say thank you.

“You didn’t have to,” I say blushing. It comes out a little too breathless.

“I know,” he replies with an amused smile. “I wanted to.”

I blush even darker and reach into the brown paper bag. My fingers clasp around something solid and I pull out a book. It’s a rich, dark blue, covered in ethereal sketches of various beings and creatures.

‘What we see in the stars: An illustrated tour of the night sky.’

Oh my god.

“Sooo it’s all about space, obviously, but it’s mainly about the stars and constellations! I thought it might inspire you to learn more about the stories they were named for.”

He leans over and opens it, so excited to share what’s inside, while I sit here dumbfounded.

Marco…

Something in my chest begins to blossom, spreading outwards, wrapping its tendrils around my heart and squeezing in the most agonisingly beautiful way.

He babbles on while I flick through the pages, looking anywhere but him for fear of what he might see in my face, but then the fact that I haven’t spoken for what feels like an eternity must start to make him feel uneasy.

“Sorry,” he says blushing. “I know this is probably the nerdiest gift you’ve ever gotten.”

“No, Marco this is…wow. Thank you.”

It’s a strange feeling, knowing such a small gesture can make my heart sing like this, striking chords in my heart I haven’t heard before. And I don’t mean a simple chorus, I mean full on crescendo, like the climactic screech of a guitar solo. It’s as if Jimmy Hendrix himself is back from the dead and has taken up residence in my aorta.

And then he smiles at me, my favourite crinkly-eyed smile, and it’s like all the stars and magic have leapt from the pages of his gift, right onto his beautiful face.

“S’alright. What are mates for?”

Friend-zoned once again, but it still doesn’t hurt. How could it? How could it when I’m holding what is quite possibly the most thoughtful gift I’ve ever received? Let me be friend-zoned, because if this is what it’s like, I’ll take it. Yes he’s breaking my heart, but in all the right ways and I will happily glue it back together just to let him obliterate it over and over.

_______________________________________________

I stay for a couple more hours, our conversation flowing easily, but when Marco yawns like a bear for the third time in twenty minutes I decide I should let the poor guy get some sleep.

“Sorry, I got up pretty early this morning and it’s catching up with me.”

“No worries sleeping beauty. Hey d’you want a hand with the bed?” I ask nodding at the sofa.

“Hmm? Oh! No don’t worry I got it.”

“Nah c’mon let me help. I’m kinda curious to see how it works.”

He tries and fails to stifle a yawn again and I can’t help but smile. It’s really cute. “Alright then, thanks. Just chuck the cushions wherever.”

After carefully removing Katniss from my lap, we each grab a bit of the metal frame and heave it out. The mattress seems way too thin to be comfortable. I sit down and give it an experimental bounce. Katniss jumps up to have a nosey too.

“Shit man, how do you sleep on this?”

“Oi! I don’t come to your house and bitch about your bed!”

He shoves me in the shoulder and I flop backwards onto the mattress with a chuckle. He sits next to me, and for a moment, I kid myself that I’m in some romantic movie, that any second now our eyes will lock and he’ll know. He’ll know and he’ll lean down and kiss me.

He doesn’t. He just re-tucks the sheet that’s came away from the corner.

“I’m used to it by now. And I usually just throw on some extra blankets to make it softer.”

He gets up and grabs a duvet and some pillows from behind the sofa, plopping them down onto the mattress. I fluff up one of his pillows, placing it down gently on the side nearest to me and find myself wondering which side of the bed Marco sleeps on.

Katniss settles down on top of it and starts cleaning herself.

“Hey have you played the blanket game yet?” I ask.

“The what game?”

I smirk and drop to the floor, sliding my hand under the blanket and moving it up and down to catch Katniss’ attention. She spots it and freezes, watching intensely before her pupils blow as wide as saucers and she launches herself. I swipe my hand and she scrabbles around on the blanket before pouncing again.

“Oh my god!” Marco laughs.

“I’ve never met a cat who didn’t go batshit crazy for the blanket game. Be careful if you do it with just a sheet though, because she WILL rip your hand off.”

“Let me try.”

My breath hitches as Marco slides his arm under the blanket with mine. I retract my hand quickly, startled by how warm and soft his freckled skin felt. I watch as he plays with Katniss, sweeping his hand left to right and laughing every time she misses.

God he’s adorable.

He gives in eventually and lets her attack the lump where his hand is.

“Ow fuck!” he takes his hand out and gives it a shake. “How the hell did her claws get through the blanket!?”

“Ow fuck!” he takes his hand out and gives it a shake. “How the hell did her claws get through the blanket!?”

I laugh at his expense but stop when something dawns on me. I’m so fucking dense – why didn’t I think of this before?

“Listen I’ve just thought. If you’re looking for your own space, I’m pretty sure Eren’s in need of a roommate.”

His sleepy eyes perk up at that. “Really?”

“Yeah the last one moved out a few months ago and I think he’s getting a bit sick of paying all the rent on his own. You should ask him.”

“Yeah. That would be good!”

“And…I know you’ve got Floch but if you ever need some space and want to come over, me and Connie are always down for playing Fifa or something. Stay over even…if you like.”

“Okay, thanks. I might take you up on that.”

“Course…but definitely ask Eren in the meantime. Maybe have a chat on Saturday when we’re out.”

“Oh, I can’t come on Saturday.”

What!

“Aw why?”

“Mum’s had a night out with her friends planned for ages and I promised I’d stay in to keep an eye on Mia so she can enjoy herself.”

Aw man. I was really looking forward to hanging out with Marco on Saturday - having a drink and a dance and just generally being silly together. But then I think about trying to do all that with Floch constantly at his side and I’m relieved. I much prefer hanging out with Marco when it’s just the two of us and I don’t have to worry about his dick boyfriend pissing me off. Maybe not seeing him on Saturday will be good for me. I can just hang out with my friends and forget about my aching heart for a while.

“Aw that’s shit…Just make sure you’re free for the next one okay?”

“Okay I will.”

I move to grab my denim jacket and sling it on over my shoulders. “Right I’m gonna head off and let you get some sleep.”

“Thanks for coming over,” Marco smiles.

“Thanks for having me. I just need one more kitten cuddle for the road.”

Katniss is sat on Marco’s bed cleaning herself again but doesn’t object when I pick her up and cradle her to my chest. “God I so wanna take her home!” I give her a cheeky smooch on the head and plop her back down.

“Oh god Jean, you’ve got cat hair all over you!”

He starts brushing his hand against my chest to get them off and I die on the spot.

"Oh! Er..."

Apparently, someone has switched my brain with a sweet potato because I'm incapable of forming a coherent sentence. But I don't think anyone can hold that against me when his fucking hand is rubbing down my chest and stomach!

My body tenses, scared of how much I could enjoy this if I let myself.

"God sorry," he says letting his hand drop. "I'm like a mother hen, aren't I?"

He smiles sheepishly and I hate myself for making him think it made me uncomfortable. Then again, the alternative wouldn't be so great either.

No Marco, the truth is when you touch me, I simultaneously freeze on the spot and melt into you. I need you to stop, but I hate it when you do.

I force a laugh to keep things light-hearted and head for the front door.

"Well if you're that way inclined, feel free to come over to do my washing and bitch at me to tidy my room."

"Ha. At least you've got a room!"

"Alright don't make me get my tiny violin out."

He shoves me playfully and my stomach somersaults.

Yeah, I should definitely get going.

The cool night air bites a little against my face when he opens the door for me and I tug my denim jacket closer. Marco's only in a t-shirt and wraps his hands around his biceps, gripping and rubbing them gently, the tattoo on one side flashing between his fingers.

"...Jean?"

Fuck I'm staring at his arms!

"Hmm?"

"Did you hear me?"

"Sorry I just zoned out! Think I'm ready for bed too. Ha."

I give him my best awkward smile and search his face for any signs of being creeped out. Lucky for me, he seems more amused than anything else.

"I said have fun on Saturday."

"Oh right! It's shit you can't come mind."

"You sure you can cope without me?"

The cheeky smile he throws me makes me swoon and I can hear my brain screaming at me to leave before I embarrass myself.

"I'll do my best. Alright catch you later."

I know I should be walking to the car right now, but my legs refuse to move. I really want to hug him before I go, like last time. This isn't like last time though. I can't just assume we're always going to hug because we did after one emotionally charged night.

"Alright see you."

He doesn't move either. Why isn't he moving? He must be freezing.

Maybe he’s just being polite. I'll go. I don't want him catching cold.

"Err, excuse me! Where do you think you're going without a hug? I'm not standing here freezing my nips off for nothing!"

Before I can fully comprehend what's happening, he clasps a hand around my shoulder and pulls me towards him. My arms reach around his waist like it's the most natural thing in the world, while my brain becomes incapable of doing anything other than repeating the phrase ohmygodohmygodohmygod.

We both draw back with a chuckle and huge grins on our faces.

We both draw back with a chuckle and huge grins on our faces.

"Alright, get back inside you goon."

"Send me some pictures tomorrow night of what you guys get up to."

"Will do mate. Night."

"Night."

I hurry down the path and give him one last wave before he shuts the door. Once I'm seated in the car, I have to take a moment to catch my breath and get over my giddiness. My face is starting to hurt from smiling so wide. I give my cheeks a rub and shake my head at myself.

C'mon you lovesick idiot, you need to drive home.

I replay the evening over and over in my head on the drive back; images of Marco I've committed to memory playing like a slideshow. It doesn't take long for my elation to give way to melancholy though, and by the time I turn the engine off outside the flat, I'm flip-flopping between heart-wrenching pining and hatred at myself for letting things get this far.

Is it going to be like this every time we spend time together? Is it seriously going to hurt this much every time I walk away? I look down at the book on the passenger seat and run my fingers over the cover. It's starting to scare me, how hard I'm finding it to shake this off...I like him so much.

I know I need to stop this. But how? I don't even know where to begin.

_______________________________________________

“Jean! Get your skinny arse in the car!”

“Alright, alright!”

I finish locking the front door and jog over to the Uber. The front seat’s free but I squeeze in next to Connie and Sasha in the back just to be a pain.

“Move your arse Con, I can’t find my belt!”

“Yes you can. You’re just using that as an excuse to feel me up! Aah!”

They both squeal as I squash Connie into Sasha so I can strap myself in.

“This is a space safe Jean. You can admit you’re feeling desperate enough to feel Connie’s arse.”

“What’s desperate about wanting to feel my arse!?”

“I’m not desperate!”

“Okay when was the last time you got some action?” Sasha smirks.

“Like…two weeks ago!”

“No! Hitch doesn’t count! OWW!”

I thump Connie on the arm.

“No he’s right. Hook ups with exes don’t count. We definitely need to find you a man and-or lady friend tonight!”

“I knew I should’ve got in the first taxi.”

“You love us really.”

“Yeah Jean, we just want you to be happy!”

The shit-eating grins on these two, I swear to god. They know fine well they’re winding me up.

“I’ll be happy when you stop talking about my sex life you pervs!”

It only takes us fifteen minutes to get into town. Eren, Mikasa, Armin and Historia are already at the bar ordering drinks when we arrive. There’s a decent spot free with an eclectic mix of chairs, stools and sofas so Connie, Sasha and I nab it, taking the best seats for ourselves.

Beyond the Wall is always a good place to start a night out. The interior has seen better days and the floors are a bit sticky, but the drinks aren’t pricey and, more importantly, the music is the bee’s fucking knees. Saturday night is ‘Uplifting Grooves’, which is basically just an awesome mix of reggae, soul, classic hip hop and a sprinkling of decent electronica.

Mikasa, Armin and Historia spot us and walk over, followed by Eren carrying a full tray of Jaegerbombs (obviously), a mischievous grin on his flushed face.

“Alright goobers grab a glass!”

The drink helps me to relax after Connie and Sasha’s grilling in the taxi and we all slip into easy conversation. I’d been really looking forward to tonight and I’m not disappointed. The first hour flies by; everyone draped over each other, having a good laugh chatting about random stuff, and moving around like a game of musical chairs every time someone goes to the bar or the loo.

Historia’s face lights up when I point out Ymir getting a drink at the bar. She comes over to join us and we somehow fall into a pretty intense conversation about how ahead of its time and ‘woke’ The Rugrats was.

“Mate that show was progressive AF! I have this distinct memory of Lil saying she was going to marry a girl because they were both pretty and me thinking ‘Fuck yes bitch!’ Or you know, whatever the equivalent of that thought would have been for me when I was six.”

“Mate that show was progressive AF! I have this distinct memory of Lil saying she was going to marry a girl because they were both pretty and me thinking ‘Fuck yes bitch!’ Or you know, whatever the equivalent of that thought would have been for me when I was six.”

I like Ymir. She’s inappropriate, sharp witted and unapologetically herself. I can see why Historia likes her too.

When I return from taking a whizz, Connie and Sasha are practically bouncing up and down in their seats with crazed smiles, beckoning me over. Uh-oh. This can only spell trouble.

The alcohol must be kicking in, because instead of just walking over to them I do a little dance. In my defence, Bam Bam by Sister Nancy is playing so I don’t see how I can be expected not to dance. Instead of laughing, like I’m expecting, they both start frantically waving their hands looking mortified.

“Stop dancing like a knob you idiot!”

Excuse me!?

“The fuck’s wrong with you two?” I glower.

“Dude that hot girl at the bar was definitely checking you out just now. Don’t ruin it!”

“Huh?” I glance over my shoulder but don’t see anyone looking at me. “What girl?”

“Jean she’s fit as fuck!” Sasha gushes. “She’s facing the bar. C’mere so you can see!”

Sasha grabs my wrist and tugs me down to sit next to her.

“Connie move or it’s gonna look really obvious!” She starts pushing against his backside to get him up.

“Why do I have to move!?”

“Oh for godsake, here!” She drags a free stool over. “Sit there but don’t face the bar.”

“Okay I won’t but tell me if anything happens,” he grins.

“Okay,” Sasha starts in a low voice. “She’s the one with braids in a high ponytail. She’s talking to the girl with orange hair. Wait ‘til she turns around.”

I spot her. Dark-skinned, dark hair, wearing high-waisted skinny grey jeans and a black t-shirt tied in a knot. I can’t see her face yet, but I’m not going to lie, her tiny waist and round arse are already piquing my interest.

Hmm, okay. She’s turned to the side now and I can see her upper arm is covered in tattoos. Her arms are really toned too. Like, frickin’ Lara Croft-esque.

O-oh Christ. Nose ring. She’s got a nose ring!

“See! How fit is she!?”

“You sure you don’t want to go out with her?” I laugh, nudging Sasha playfully.

As I chuckle, I look back towards the bar, and Fitty McNose-ring is looking right at me. God she really is gorgeous. She holds my gaze for a second but then looks down at her drink, smiling and blushing prettily.

Sasha and Connie are both gawking at me expectantly. “Okay yes. She is fit.”

“We told you! Go talk to her!”

“What? No!”

“C’mon why not?”

…Because of Marco.

The thought sends a horrible pang through my chest and knocks the wind out of me. I’ve barely thought about him all night and now his name hits me like a sledgehammer.

Because of Marco. I’m such a fucking idiot.

What about Marco exactly? My brain screams at my heart. The fact that he’s not even here right now? That even if he was he’s unavailable? That even if he was available he wouldn’t think of you that way, because he’s filled with more magic and starlight than you could ever hope to deserve?

You know what? Enough is enough. The absurdity of longing for something as far-fetched as Marco realising his undying love for me is exhausting. I’m sure unrequited love makes for a brilliant romantic novel, but this is my life and it sucks fucking balls. I’m done.

“Jean she’s looking right at you. She’s definitely interested,” Sasha presses.

Fuck it. I’m going for it. I need to think about myself and get back in the game. Connie and Sasha are right; it’s been too long since I dated someone.

“Okay, okay,” I relent, getting to my feet. Oh my god, I’m actually doing this. “Wish me luck.”

I throw a grin over my shoulder and laugh at them both grabbing each other’s hands and ‘squeeing’ excitedly. I make a beeline for the bar and squeeze into a space next to Miss Sexy Braids. She’s still chatting to her friends, but I catch her looking my way in my peripheral. I chance a sneaky look myself while I wait for the barman.

Welp. She’s got one side of her head shaved and her black t-shirt has Death Grips on the front. I may have genuinely found the future Mrs Kirschtein.

“Hey,” I smile.

She smiles back. “Hey.”

“Nice t-shirt. You ever seen them live?”

She glances down at her t-shirt and quirks an eyebrow at me. Not gonna lie, it’s kinda hot.

“Yeah, I saw them at the academy last year.”

“Oh me too! So good weren’t they?”

“Yeah, fucking relentless. One of the best gigs I’ve ever been to.”

“Yeah same. I lost my favourite hoody in the crowd and couldn’t hear properly for two days but it was worth it.”

“You need served mate?” the barman interrupts.

“Can I get a session IPA please?” He scurries off to the fridge. “D’you want a drink…?”

“Rae,” she smirks offering a hand.

“Oh you’re a handshaker?” I chuckle, flashing her my best smile.

“Sure am.”

“I’m Jean,” I say, shaking her warm hand in return.

“Nice to meet you Jean, I’ll have a rum and coke if you don’t mind.”

Our conversation turns back to gigs as we sip our drinks. It turns out we were both at Wolf Alice the other week and her friend suffered a similar fate to Connie in the mosh pit, which gives us a good laugh. She’s really easy to talk to and smiles at me a lot, which I take as a good sign. My phone buzzes in my pocket; no doubt Connie or Sasha sending some idiotic words of encouragement. I ignore it.

“Do you wanna go sit down?” she asks.

Fuck, this is going well. “Yeah okay.”

We grab a small table down the other side of the bar. Although it’s a few metres away, it’s dead opposite everybody else and I can see them all fucking grinning at me. I roll my eyes and turn back to Rae.

“So,” she starts, setting down her drink. “When you’re not at gigs, what else do you do?”

“I’m in a band,” I say with a cheeky grin. I can’t help myself. Old habits die hard I guess.

“Seriously? Me too!”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah!”

“Which band?”

“We’re called White Rose. I play drums.” That explains the Lara Croft arms then! “You?”

“The 104th. I sing and play guitar.”

“That’s where I recognise you from! You guys played the Trost Unsigned festival last year, right?”

Oh, so she’s heard of us. “Yeah! Were you playing too?”

“Nah but I was in the audience.”

“And..? Did you enjoy the show?” I ask boldly.

“Meh. You guys were okay I guess.”

She fixes me with a devilish smirk I can’t help returning. Hot.

“Wow. Clearly we made an impression then.”

I give a small laugh at her attractive cheeky nature and take a sip of my drink, but when I look up, the music stops, Trost falls silent and the whole world grinds to a halt. My imagination must be getting the better of me…because it can’t be.

But it is.

I’d know those dark yet impossibly bright eyes anywhere, those lips I’ve touched so many times in my daydreams, those arms that slot so perfectly around my back.

Marco?

The feelings I’d decided to stamp down only moments ago come rushing back like a tidal wave. I was an idiot to think that they wouldn’t. I should have known the second I saw him again, no matter where we were or how many people surrounded us, that all I would see is him.

He doesn’t see me though. He looks around on his way to the bar and spots Eren, followed by everyone else.

“You got any gigs coming up then?”

I watch as everyone takes turns greeting and hugging him, and how he beams at each of them in turn.

“Hey space cadet!”

“Hmm?” Shit. Rae. I’m supposed to be talking to Rae. “Sorry what was that?”

She quirks an eyebrow, her eyes shifting between me and the boy I was staring at. “You okay?”

“Yeah! Sorry! S’just…my friend’s just came in and err…I haven’t seen them for a while,” I lie. “Do you mind if I go say hello?”

She pauses, almost imperceptibly, before answering. “No ‘course not. Go ahead. I’m gonna go get another drink anyway.”

“Thanks. Sorry, I’ll be right back.”

Part of me knows what I just did was shitty, but I don’t think I could stop my legs walking towards Marco if I tried. My stomach flips as I get closer. He’s talking to Armin and doesn’t notice me, but then his gaze flicks to the right and the way his face lights up at the sight of mine almost bowls me over.

“Hey man!” he beams.

“Hey!” My arms reach around his broad back and I squeeze him against me with a chuckle. “What you doing here?” I lean back but my hands stay on his shoulders, my fingers keeping a firm grip.

“Didn’t you get my text? My mum came back early so I decided to come out.”

“Aw mate. I’m so glad you’re here.” I pull him to me again.

Did I really just do that? And say that?

“Oh! Having another hug are we?”

He laughs but my grip slackens and I pull back with a blush, remembering myself.

“Ha. Guess I’m a bit tipsy. Do you want a drink? We need to get you caught up!”

He doesn’t get the chance to reply.

“Mate, what the fuck are you doing!?” Connie asks with Sasha at his side, looking at me like I’ve gone mental. “Get back over to that girl!”

“Girl? What girl?” Marco asks looking over my shoulder.

“It’s fine! She wanted to get another drink, so I decided to come say hi.”

“Jean I’m sure Marco won’t mind you not saying hi for a girl that hot!”

I could punch Connie in the face for pointing that out. Like I don’t already know just how much Marco wouldn’t mind.

“Which girl?” Marco asks quietly. “Point her out.”

Sasha does the honours. “That one at the bar. The one…Are you and Jean wearing the same outfit?”

Marco and I look each other up and down and crack up laughing. We are indeed wearing the same outfit. Blue denim shirt with our sleeves rolled up to the elbows, black skinny jeans and Vans.

He puts his hands on his hips and huffs. “Well one of us is going to have to go home and change!”

“Anyway back to the girl!” Sasha interrupts. “She’s at the bar. The one with braids and an arse that could kill!”

Marco laughs at Sasha’s enthusiasm and then he spots Rae.

“Woah. Oh man she’s really fit. Go for it Jean. Get back to the bar!”

Going back to the bar now feels like the last thing I want to do. I want to stay here with Marco and have a laugh and find more reasons to hug him.

“Look I will but don’t get your hopes up. I get the feeling she’s not quite as into this as you guys thought.”

Liar liar pants on fire.

“Well get back over there and change her mind!” Sasha shoves me in the shoulder, turning me around.

I head back over to Rae, but anxiety clutches my chest, tightening with each step. I haven’t planned what I’m going to say, I just know I need to talk myself out of whatever I’ve started.

Rae’s watching me with a strange expression as I get nearer. She’s smiling softly, but there’s something else going on…Why do I suddenly feel like I’m looking at Armin?

“Your friend’s cute,” she says gently. “You must’ve really missed him. I don’t even hug my sister that hard.”

My cheeks flame red as I give an awkward laugh, blind-sided by her comment.

“Erm…yeah. I guess I must’ve.” My hand reaches back to scratch my neck just for something to do. “So…”

“Listen. I’m sure you two have a lot to catch up on and I don’t really want to stand in the way so go be with your friend. It’s honestly fine. I feel kind of bad ditching my girls anyway.”

“You- Really? You sure?”

Why is she being so cool about this? Maybe she actually wasn’t as interested as I thought.

“Yeah, really,” she smiles offering a hand again. “It was really nice to meet you Jean. Maybe I’ll run into you again sometime.”

“Yeah maybe.”

She releases my hand but reaches for my arm with a gentle squeeze. “I hope it all works out for you,” she adds, gesturing with her chin towards Marco.

I look at him over my shoulder, and when I turn back to potential Mrs Kirschtein, she gives me a knowing smile and walks away.

Am I being stupid? Am I making a huge mistake? I almost grab her by the hand and stop her but decide not to. There’d be no point anyway. She knows. I don’t know how she knows, but she knows.

Oh man. I need another drink.

I shake my head and grab a space at the bar.

_______________________________________________

I re-join the collective with drinks for myself and Marco and squeeze into a seat next to him. We chat and laugh and tease one another, the others drifting in and out of our conversation. We’re talking to Sasha, Eren and Mikasa when the subject of Marco’s new kitten comes up.

“You’ve got a kitten!?” Eren and Sasha squeal in unison.

“Yeah! Well, my sister does.”

“Why am I only just hearing of this? Show me some pictures NOW!” Eren demands in mock-outrage.

Marco obliges and we all gush over how cute she is.

“She’s obsessed with that blanket game by the way,” Marco tells me.

“What blanket game?” Sasha asks.

“Oh, the other day Jean was playing this game where you move your hand around under a blanket. She goes nuts for it!”

“Aw what! Jean’s met her? No fair!”

“Haha, yeah. He demanded a playdate with her on Thursday night…”

Marco keeps talking but I don’t hear it. Dread settles in my stomach at the words ‘Thursday night’ and the way they make Eren’s eyebrows pinch together in confusion.

Shit, shit fucking shit!

Eren turns to look dead at me, clearly after some sort of explanation. I daren’t meet his gaze, so I take a long sip of my drink. I can still see him out the corner of my eye though, staring.

I’m so glad Connie is wrapped up in a conversation with Armin and Historia right now.

Fuck, Eren please don’t say anything.

I need some space to think of a plan, so I stand and make my way to the men’s. How the fuck am I gonna explain this? Explain that I lied. Explain why I lied.

It only takes a few seconds for Eren to follow me in, not nearly enough time to think of a good excuse.

“Dude, why did you lie about Thursday?”

He’s never been one to beat about the bush.

“What? No I didn’t! My mam cancelled so I went ‘round Marco’s to see his cat.”

Wow. Convincing.

“Bullshit. If your mam cancelled, you would’ve just came to practice so why didn’t you?”

“Because…erm.” My cheeks burn as I stumble over my words.

“Oh my god. You like him!”

“Wha-! No I don’t! I-”

“Yes you do! You like Marco!”

“Do you want to say that a bit fucking louder mate?”

Then the door swings open and Connie’s standing there.

Oh for fuck’s sake!

“Did you know?” Eren asks without missing a beat.

A typical look of confusion plasters Connie’s face. “Know what?”

“That this dickhead likes- Marco! Hey bud!”

Marco walks in behind Connie and my entire body fills with cement. He looks between all three of us with an unreadable expression.

“Well this is just rude. Are you guys having a band meeting in the toilet without me?”

Eren laughs, but it’s a weird, pinched sort of laugh and I can tell he’s panicking on my behalf.

“Who does Jean like?”

Connie I swear to fucking GOD!!

“What? Jean likes someone! Who?”

Marco looks at me excitedly and it hurts. It hurts that I don’t see even a trace of disappointment on his face.

“Is that why you ditched that girl!? I knew it!” You didn’t know shit Connie. “Who is it? Who do you like?”

I start seriously considering how I’d go about murdering Eren Jaeger; where I’d hide the body and what I’d need to begin my new life on the run.

Okay. Deep breath time.

“No-one. I don’t like anybody. S’just Eren getting the wrong end of the stick as usual,” I say, with surprising firmness considering the cement in my body has now turned into jelly.

“Oh. Well good because I am still on a mission to get you some action tonight!” Connie grins, grabbing me by the shoulders.

I somehow manage to force out a laugh that sounds halfway convincing and thank my legs for remembering how to walk.

“Yeah okay. What could possibly go wrong,” I deadpan and push past Connie.

I feel Eren follow me. He doesn’t speak until we’re a good distance from the toilet.

“Shit, I’m sorry about that man.”

“Look, can we just drop it? Somebody else is bound to hear us if we do this now.”

“But I am right, aren’t I?”

The fucking audacity of this guy!

I give a huff of resignation. “Yes alright! I like him, but it doesn’t fucking matter. He’s our bandmate. He’s got a boyfriend. I’ll get over it. So please don’t make this into a whole ‘thing’ okay?”

“Alright, alright. I promise I won’t say anything else.”

Everyone’s finishing their drinks off when we get back.

“Time for karaoke!” Historia yells, jumping on our shoulders. “C’mon let’s go! We haven’t got long before our booking starts!”

I glance at my watch. How did it suddenly get to be quarter to 11?

Once Connie and Marco are back from the loo, we all head off. The karaoke place is only two minutes down the road, but between piggyback rides, selfies and silly dancing, it takes everyone the best part of ten minutes to make it there.

I sheepishly try to stick with Eren near the front of our group, but Marco comes to find me. I fix Eren with a death stare. I don’t care if it’s his birthday, if he dare says anything to wind me up, I’ll fucking smack him.

“Jean we haven’t had a twins selfie yet!” Marco says with a goofball grin, gesturing at our outfits. It really makes me want to kiss the stupid idiot.

“Oh I’ll take it!” Eren chirps. “Right let’s do a serious one first. Just stand side by side and do nothing. Marco stop smiling!”

“Oh right. Sorry.”

Dork. I snort and elbow him in the stomach. He does it back to me and we start play fighting, laughing as we slap each other anywhere the other doesn’t block.

“I said serious!” Eren shouts.

“Yeah Marco!” I snort. “Be fucking serious!” I stand like a soldier next to him just to be even more obnoxious.

He shoots me a glare, trying his best not to smile and comes to stand next to me. “You started it,” he mutters. “Dick.”

“Nimrod.”

“Douchebag.”

“Cock gobbler.”

“Cunt flapper.”

PPPFFFffffttt!!

I absolutely lose my shit and double over. I’ve never heard Marco say anything THAT filthy before.

“Oh my fucking god!”

He cracks up at my reaction and we both grab each other wheezing. Despite the chilly air, his forearm feels soft and warm beneath my fingertips. I have trouble letting it go.

Oh man. I am definitely drunk.

“Right you two wankers, let’s have a silly one now,” Eren laughs.

I start to strike a pose when a pair of strong arms wrap around my legs and back and my feet lift off from the floor.

“AAAH! What the fuck!?”

I hear Eren laugh as Marco sweeps me off my feet and hoists me up like a goddamn princess. The worst part is I really fucking like it. I don’t know whether to scream or cry.

Oh fuck. Please don’t get a hard on!

Eren must’ve taken the photo by now.

“Feel free to put me down any time freckles!”

He doesn’t. He just laughs and starts carrying me down the street. Fuck. I should not be enjoying this as much as I am. I try squirming out of his grip but he just laughs harder and swings me around in circles. I give in and start laughing too, absolutely giddy with all the attention he’s giving me.

“C’mon Marco give us all a lift!”

Connie jumps on Marco’s back and he has to put me down. It only takes a second for everyone else to try and get in on the action. Armin and Sasha both grab an arm to hang off, all of them begging Marco to carry them, but when Eren tries to jump on top of Connie, Marco’s knees buckle and they all tumble to the floor with a collective ‘Waaaah!’.

I laugh at first but then I just stare, smiling softly and enjoying the warm, fuzzy feeling in my chest. The sight of Marco laughing like this, finally surrounded by friends and people who care about him, is just perfect. He’s slotted into our random little group so easily, like there was always a space carved out for him. I know how much he’s wanted this since he moved here. No-one deserves it more.

Marco helps Sasha to her feet, but probably regrets that when she immediately jumps up for a piggyback. I offer a hand to Armin, before pulling them into a side hug and kissing them on the temple.

“What was that for?” they smile up at me.

“You did good Armin.” They raise an eyebrow at me curiously. “Marco, I mean. I’m really glad you introduced us all to him.”

“Oh!” They snuggle an arm around my waist and we walk side by side. “Yeah I guess I did. I’m really glad everyone likes him.”

“Yeah.”

“Maybe…some more than others?” They squeeze a little tighter and look up at me expectantly.

“…Yeah, maybe.”

_______________________________________________

We’re all pretty hammered by now, which means the first thing we do after we’re shown to our karaoke booth, is fight over who gets to sing the first song – cue Sasha literally tackling me into a chair to wrestle the microphone off me.

“You’re a singer in a fucking band. Give someone else a chance!”

Sasha and Historia go first in the end, getting things started with Blondie - Atomic.

I cheer them on, sitting next to Marco on the mauve-pink velvet seat that wraps around most of the room. The walls above that are decked out in various album covers, cheesy pop stars grinning at us from all angles. I watch the disco lights dance across Marco’s gorgeous, freckled face and enjoy the way his eyes seem to glitter as he watches our friends make idiots of themselves. I’ve noticed Marco gets extra giggly when he's drunk, which I fucking love, taking every opportunity I can to say something silly and watch him smile.

After a couple more songs, I get to my feet (albeit a little wobbily) and demand the mic for Fleetwood Mac, then I hog it again so Eren and I can show off by belting out Jimmy Eat World’sThe Sweetness. When we have a group sing-along to some Hall and Oates, I notice Marco hangs out at the back, the furthest away from the microphone. Maybe he’s not drunk enough to sing a tune on his own yet, but I am determined to get a duet.

I take a seat beside him and throw an arm around his shoulders. “Right c’mon mate. What we gonna sing?”

“Excuse me, we?”

“Yes we, as in you and me,” I grin prodding our chests in turn. “What’s your go-to karaoke song?”

“There is not a chance in hell I’m duetting with you. Your voice is amazing!”

My stupid face breaks out into a blush and smile combo that could give a crushing schoolgirl a run for her money, but I power through.

“Mate you can’t be any worse than Connie! And he’s not shy about singing with Eren.”

I gesture to Connie, who’s currently butchering Alanis Morrisette, despite Eren’s best efforts to do it justice.

“Pleeeeeease!” I beg, leaning into his space and fluttering my eyelashes.

He huffs but starts smiling in spite of himself. “Okay fine. I’ll do ‘Call me Al’ with you, but you’re not allowed to take the piss!”

“Yesss! Tune!”

I grab him by the hand and drag him up, entering the song into the console just as Eren and Connie screech one last ‘you oughta know!’.

There’s a wave of recognition and a few whoops when the opening notes ring out. We start singing and Marco seems to know most of the words without looking. I start to wonder why. Maybe it’s a family favourite. I can just imagine him singing and dancing around the kitchen with his mam and Mia to this.

On the next verse, we strut past each other like we’ve been fucking rehearsing, then he mimes reeling me in with a fishing rod. Obviously, I shimmy my way over to him - hips first - earning a few cackles from our friends and a wolf whistle from Eren. I can only imagine how ridiculous we look considering we’re wearing matching outfits.

When the instrumental kicks in he dances over and starts bumping his ass against my hip. Refusing to be out-done, I slut-drop and twerk my way back up. His musical laughter bathes me in a warm glow, but so does something else, something that’s been slowly dawning on me – Marco can fucking sing! Like seriously, he has a good voice! I don’t know what he was so worried about.

I lean in close and lower my mic so only he can hear. “I’m on to you,” I smirk.

His eyebrows crease together, so I waggle mine in return. ‘What?’ he mouths. It’s cute. He almost looks scared.

I dance back over to him whilst singing ‘na na na-na na-na!’

“You can fucking sing!” I cry over the music.

His face splits into shock followed by a coy smile and a shake of his head.

We finish out the song to rapturous drunken applause from our devoted audience. I’ve barely taken a bow when Sasha wrestles the microphone out of my hand, demanding a turn with Armin. Marco and I collapse back onto the seat and high-five each other through breathless chuckles.

“I was being serious by the way.”

“What?”

Some of his hair is stuck to his forehead. I fight the urge to brush it back for him.

“About you being able to sing!”

“What! No you weren’t! Shut up!” he says, embarrassed.

“I was! You can seriously sing! I should get you to start doing backing vocals with Eren!”

“Hmm. We’ll see if you still think that’s a good idea at practice…when you’re not hammered!”

It turns out, a few more drinks is all it takes to get Marco singing with more confidence. After a couple of shots, he’s back up singing Toto - Africa with Armin and Historia, then Sasha convinces him to do a duet to Shallow with her, which he absolutely belts out, then he gets Ymir up. It turns out they both know every single fucking word to I wish by Skeelo. Epic doesn’t even begin to describe how good it is!

I’m content to just sit back and watch him, absolutely enamoured with the way his contagious smile spreads to everyone around him. A warm, soft feeling seeps pleasantly into my bones and I pray no-one catches the dopey looks I keep sending his way. I know I’ll regret letting myself do this later - when I’m alone with my thoughts, and all of them keep finding their way back to Marco and how he looked gripping the microphone, with a drunken flush and a twinkle in his eye. Yeah, it’s gonna hurt.

For the time being though, I can’t bring myself to care. Or rather, I can’t bring myself to believe anything this beautiful could possibly cause me any suffering. I’d rather believe that this memory we’re making right now is something I’ll cherish, something I’ll hold tenderly in my heart, not something I’ll push away in moments of pain.

Our time’s nearly up so Eren gets us all to join in for one last sing-along to Hey Jude. Everyone crowds the microphones with their arms around each other. Marco wraps an arm around my shoulders, so I do the same and we sing in unison.

When the song reaches its crescendo, he squeezes me so tight, his arm slips up and my head goes in the crook of his elbow, but he’s too drunk to notice. I shimmy in closer, so he doesn’t squeeze my head off and move my arm to his side. My heart skips a beat when my fingers find a hold in his waist, just above his hip bone, my pinkie finger barely grazing the skin where his shirt’s rode up.

I try to savour every moment before the song plays out, knowing moments like this won’t be awarded to me very often.

As we sing the last note, he releases me to cheer and clap his hands above his head and I almost wince at the loss of contact; a chill prickling up my side where he was pressed against me.

When I turn to my left though, I find I’m unable to keep up my little pity party. Eren has started crying, like full-on ugly crying, clinging to Armin and Mikasa like his life depends on it.

“I fucking love you guys!” he cries between sobs.

Cue everyone cooing ‘Aw Eren!’ and wrapping him up in a giant group hug.

“Every fucking year,” I chuckle as my arms stretch as far as they can around Connie, Armin and Marco.

“Exactly,” Eren sniffs gaining a little composure. “So why break tradition dickwad?”

Eren always finds it a bit overwhelming when we get together for his birthday. He really misses his mam around this time of year. Since she died, we’ve always made sure we hang out on Eren’s birthday and make a fuss of him - it’s like an unspoken pact between us all – and every year without fail he cries.

It’s never the type of crying to make us worry though, we know it’s just his way of showing his appreciation for his adopted family. We all give him a big hug, he laughs, and then he’s over it. I think he just needs to get it out of his system.

Everyone bar Mikasa relaxes their grip, so I weedle my way behind Eren and snake my hands up his chest for a purely platonic, bro-squeeze.

“C’mon, let’s get these sexy tiddies to the gay bars!”

“Yes!!” Sasha cries. “Let’s go to Rainbow Boulevard! It’s the only place I can request RuPaul and not get laughed at!”

Rainbow Boulevard is an area of town filled with LGBT+ friendly bars and nightclubs. Nine times out of ten, we always end up there on a night out. It’s a safe space where we can all be ourselves without the worry of some arsehole mouthing off.

After a short running competition to see who can get the highest number on a road speed display, we head straight for Tickled Pink – a nightclub where all the staff wear drag and the music constantly flip-flops between cheesy and amazing.

It’s well after midnight by the time we get there and the place is packed. We’re just trying to find a good spot for all of us to dance, when I spy two familiar faces. Or rather, I vaguely recognise the sight of two faces smushed against each other.

I lean into Marco with a giggle and ask, “Hey do you recognise those two sucking face over there?”

He squints for a moment but then breaks out in a big goofy grin. “Oh my god! We have to interrupt them!”

Before I can say anything, Marco has taken my hand and is dragging me towards Bert and Reiner. Maybe it’s a combination of the alcohol in my system and the strobing in here, but I’m utterly transfixed as I watch him lead the way. The lights seem to dance around him, attracted to his natural brightness, and the firm but gentle hold he has on my hand makes me feel soft and light and warm all at the same time.

“Alright boys that’s enough, you’re upsetting the children!”

Reiner’s head snaps towards us with an indignant look but it softens when he recognises us.

“Hey! You guys alright?”

We invite them to join us for the rest of the evening, everyone more than happy to make friends and gain new dance partners when a good song comes on. Our foreheads are a little damp and we’re all slurring our words by now, but everyone’s having a good time.

Connie and Sasha seem to be getting on especially well I notice, leaning into one another and laughing between dances. Although Connie has to temporarily abandon her when The Prodigy comes on and he, Eren and I collectively lose our shit, dancing around the place like absolute twat-bags.

I’ve barely caught my breath back when Eren wraps his arms around my legs and hoists me up in the air.

“Ah! Jesus!”

And then I don’t know if it’s because he’s drunk or because he’s a mischievous little shit, but he topples right into Marco. Strong hands grab a firm hold of my waist and hold me steady until my feet are safely back on the floor.

“Shit! S-sorry!” I practically squeak.

Marco’s eyes, though slightly lost in a drunken glaze, still sparkle when they find mine and something catches in my chest.

“S’alright I got you!” And then he pats me playfully on the stomach and I fucking implode.

Eren gives me a devious, all-knowing smirk and I fight the urge to punch him, choosing instead to make a trip to the bar.

No one offers to tag along, which is fine by me. I’m glad of the chance to take a moment and calm down. The butterflies in my stomach could qualify for the Olympics with the amount of somersaults they’ve been doing tonight. A few people clock me as I weave/stagger my way back to the group and give me a wide berth, clearly not trusting the drunk guy with a handful of drinks.

I’ve just handed a drink to Eren when I notice a guy wearing a pride vest and VERY tight skinny jeans edging nearer to us. The next thing I should notice about this guy is how tall and muscly he is, but I don’t, because all joking aside…What the fuck are those things on his face!? Like seriously, ‘eyebrows on fleek’ doesn’t even begin to cover what this guy has going on!

It gets very obvious very quickly why they’ve wormed their way into our space on the dance floor - they’re smiling at Armin and trying to catch their eye. He should give up now - this guy is so far from Armin’s type it’s almost laughable. I’m sure plenty of people in here are into big hunks of man-meat, but Armin tends to go for more androgynous looking people.

Armin smiles politely, but starts looking a bit uncomfortable, so I decide to come to the rescue. I move so I can snake an arm around their waist and press a quick kiss to their cheek. They beam at me like they’re head over heels and the guy gets the message, making a hasty retreat.

Eren leans in close to us so we can hear him over the music. “Dude, what the fuck was up with that guy’s eyebrows!?”

Armin and I both burst out laughing. My natural instinct is to look over at Marco and get him to join in, but when I turn to look at him, he’s not smiling. Like, not at all. He’s looking at me like…like he’s hurt?? Why would he be hurt?

Holy shit is that jealousy!?

Wait…no. He’s not looking at me, he’s looking at something behind me. I twist my head over my shoulder and then I see it. Two guys kissing each other like it’s their last fucking night on Earth…and one of them is Floch.

My head whips back to Marco. He’s staring, rooted to the spot, but I feel like I can see him falling. The signature brightness behind his warm eyes warps into glazed disbelief, and I can only stand by and watch as the light behind them goes out completely. The shock, the hurt, the betrayal – all of it encapsulated in one look.

Empathy and pain seeps into my bones but I compress it into seething rage and turn back towards Floch, gritting my teeth. It’s as if he senses people staring, because his eyes open dead on us. There’s a flicker of recognition before he hurls himself backwards and pushes away the guy he was locking lips with. The guy stumbles, clearly confused, shouting as he looks between us and Floch.

I turn back around to Marco but all I see is his back as he pushes his way out of the crowd and away from us.

“Marco!”

I follow him. We all do. I try to keep up but he’s fast and the crowd doesn’t dissipate until we’re almost at the doors.

“Marco. Wait a minute.”

He keeps moving forward - I’m not even sure he can hear me – but he stops dead at the sound of someone else shouting just as we leave the exit, away from the thudding bassline into the sharp night air.

“Marco wait!”

It’s Floch. I round on the motherfucker.

“Don’t you fucking dare!” I spit.

He sneers at me. “Fuck off you. Mar-!”

“Are you fucking deaf!?” I shove him forcefully by the shoulders and he stumbles backwards. “Leave him the fuck alone you piece of shit! You don’t fucking deserve him!”

I’m right in his face now, almost nose to nose.

“What and you do? Dream on. Get the fuck out of my way.”

He puts all his weight into it as he pushes past and nearly knocks me over, but I grab him by his collar and pull hard, sending him reeling backwards onto his arse.

Someone comes to stand next to me. I don’t need to look to know it’s Eren - ready to have my back, whatever happens next.

“Jean! Stop!”

Connie.

He puts himself between me and Floch, his hands on my chest trying to encourage me backwards. Floch starts getting to his feet though and I know I need to be ready. My hands curl into fists on reflex and I push against Connie’s hands.

“Jean c’mon please! Eren tell him!”

Then a gentler voice. “Jean…”

I spin around and all the anger in my face evaporates in a second. Marco’s standing just a few metres away from me, flanked by Bert and Historia. “Jean please…just leave it.”

Floch’s on his feet now, but I fight the urge to knock him back on his arse and keep looking at Marco. The rapid rise and fall of my chest steadies and I regain some sense of control.

“Hey you piece of shit!”

My eyes snap back to Floch, but the words didn’t come from him, it’s the guy he was kissing.

“Look I’m sorry!” he says in our general direction, clearly not sure which of us is the one that’s hurt. “I had no idea he was in a relationship, but you should know tonight isn’t the first time we’ve hooked up and I wouldn’t be surprised if there are others.”

“What the fuck are you doing!?” Floch is directing all his rage at the other guy now.

“What? I’m not the one in the wrong here! You said you wanted casual so who knows how many other guys you’ve been seeing!”

“You fucking dick!” Floch storms towards the guy and any sense of restraint I’d felt goes flying out the window.

“Hey!” I launch myself forward ready to grab him but Reiner beats me to it. He moves in front of the guy and puts a hand out to Floch as a warning.

“Alright that’s enough. I think you should go back inside,” he says, calm as anything. It honestly stops me in my tracks. He’s so in control of himself.

Floch hesitates. I get the feeling he’s right on the edge of mouthing off again, but he looks Reiner up and down and obviously thinks better of it. Though it doesn’t stop him from casting one more scornful look over his shoulder at me and opening his mouth.

“You-!”

“Inside. Now.”

Floch’s eyes bulge at Reiner, but he obeys with a scowl and turns to go back.

I’m just starting to think that’s the end of it when he looks back at the guy cowering behind Reiner and mutters, “Stupid mouthy bitch.”

The fucker just couldn’t help himself.

“What was that?” Reiner is on it like shot, eyes narrowed and looming over Floch.

Shit. I’m guessing Floch’s really wishing he’d kept his mouth shut, because Reiner is intimidating as fuck right now.

But then just like that, his stern face softens into amusement. “Ha! Jog on.”

And then I swear to god he pushes Floch back through the doors by his fucking face! Reiner, you’re my goddamn hero.

He doesn’t bother to look back, satisfied Floch will be no more trouble, and walks away, encouraging the other guy to do the same, his big arm around his shoulders.

The guy comes straight up to me, his face full of regret. “Listen, I really am sorry. I swear I had no idea he was seeing anybody else. At least not in any serious way.”

“No, no he wasn’t seeing me he was seeing...” Shit where’s Marco? “…my friend.”

Armin and Sasha step in to comfort the guy, who’s visibly shaken up, as I turn and look around for Marco. He’s not here, but Bert, Ymir and Historia are further up the street, walking back down towards us.

Why isn’t he with them?

I jog to reach them quicker. “Where’s Marco?” I ask, not caring that my voice sounds strained.

“He jumped in a taxi,” Bert says apologetically. “We tried to get him to stay but he was adamant he wanted to leave.”

“He said he wants to be on his own. He heard…he heard everything,” Ymir adds.

“What? No.” I scrabble to get my phone out of my pocket so I can ring him. “He shouldn’t be on his own, not after what just happened!”

My stupid fingers keep pressing the wrong button and I curse under my breath.

“Look I know, but just give him some space okay?” Historia’s hand comes to rest on my arm and strokes up and down soothingly.

I know what she’s trying to say, but she doesn’t know. She doesn’t know about all the other shit Marco has piled on his shoulders. What if this proves too much? What if this is the tipping point and there’s no-one there to help him up?

My pained expression must tell Historia something, because she gives me a sad smile and changes tack.

“If you ring him he won’t pick up, so maybe just send him a text. At least that gives him the option to get in touch later if he needs you.”

I nod, worried my voice will betray just how upset I am if I speak. We wonder back over to the others. Bert and Historia explain where Marco went, but it all dissolves into murmurs as I concentrate on typing a message.

HeresJeany:

Marco I’m so sorry

Please let me know you get home okay

And please ring or text me if you need anything

I’m right here

I want to add more. I want to tell him he’s too good for Floch and how that bastard isn’t worth a single drop of his tears.

The harsh glare of my screen stares back at me as I wait for two grey ticks to turn blue, but nothing happens.

Fuck.

I feel so fucking helpless right now.

“Jean?”

Eren. Shit, yeah. It’s his birthday and we’ve all just abandoned the club.

“Yeah mate?”

“I was just talking to Connie and I think we’re gonna go grab some food and then head back to mine. You comin’?”

He doesn’t say it, but he’s basically giving me the option to bail and go after Marco if I want. I can’t abandon one of my best mates on his birthday. I refuse to let Floch fuck up this night any more than he already has.

“Yeah ‘course.”

“Alright,” he smiles, moving to walk next to me shoulder to shoulder. He shouts at the others to follow and we head along the street towards the late-night pizza and kebab shops.

I don’t order anything when we get there. Now that I feel stone-cold sober, a greasy kebab smells about as appealing as a broken septic tank. Eren comes to sit on the uncomfortable plastic chair next to me while he waits for his food.

“You text Marco?” he asks.

“Yeah. He hasn’t text me back though.”

“He will when he’s ready. I wouldn’t be surprised if that bastard's ringing him now with some bullshit excuse.”

“Hmm.”

“If he’s got any sense he’ll switch his phone off. That’s what I would do,” Eren adds.

“Yeah.”

Anger reignites and burns in my chest. The idea that Marco might be talking to that arsehole when he could be talking to us…to me. Or even worse, that he wants to speak to me but he can’t because he’s turned his phone off.

My knee starts bouncing up and down like crazy. The need to do something is all consuming, but what can I do? I settle for picking at Connie’s pizza box while we wait for everyone else’s orders to come through.

A big, firm hand comes to rest on my shoulder and I look up to find Reiner - Bert standing next to him with a sad smile.

“Hey man. Our taxi’s here so we’re gonna head off.”

“Oh okay. It was good to see you both. Thanks for helping out back there by the way.”

“Yeah of course. That prick needed to be put in his place. Have you managed to get in touch with Marco?”

“Nah not yet,” I say shaking my head.

Bert gives a sad huff. “It’s shit. Marco’s the last person who deserves to be treated like that.”

“Yeah he really is.”

“Anyway, we’ve got to go but it was good to see you. Enjoy the rest of your birthday mate,” Reiner adds to Eren.

“Cheers bud, good to meet you. We’ve got a gig next week if you guys are free. Thursday night. It’s a Battle of the Bands thing. Should be a good laugh.”

“Yeah sounds good. Where you playing?”

“It’s at Riverside Bar. We’ll get Marco to text you the details.”

“Alright cool, we’ll probably see you next week then. Later.”

They offer their goodbyes to everyone else and then leave. I watch them walk up the street, hand in hand at first but then they untangle their fingers and wrap their arms around each other instead.

I check my phone. Still nothing.

“Hey,” Eren says leaning his head on my shoulder. “Here’s the pictures I took of you guys earlier.”

I lean into him too, glad of the contact, and look at his phone. He swipes through the pictures of Marco and me on our way to karaoke – standing side by side, play fighting and then a few of him swinging me around in his arms.

Despite how shit I feel, the tiniest of smiles blossoms over my face. Before everything that happened tonight, Marco really was having a good time. I like to think I played a large part in that and seeing how he’s looking at me in these pictures, I think I did.

“Well, silver lining in all of this,” Eren says. “At least we don’t have to deal with that wanker anymore.”

I lift my head up to look at him. “You never said you thought he was a wanker!”

“Course not! You don’t bad mouth your mate’s boyfriend. But no, I never thought much of him. I’ll be glad to see the back of him.”

Eren’s not wrong. It can’t be a bad thing to have that fucker out of the picture, but to have it happen like this…in a way that causes Marco so much pain…I don’t know if it was really worth it.

“Can you send me those pictures?”

“Yeah I'll WhatsApp them over to you.”

“Thanks man.”

Armin and Mikasa order a couple of taxis for us and we leave soon after with our various pizzas and cartons of chips. I don’t talk to anyone on the ride back, choosing instead to stare at my phone and let my leg jitter.

I’m so restless by the time we arrive the first thing I do is make myself a drink to take the edge off - Southern Comfort and some flat coke Eren’s left lying around the kitchen. I commandeer the sofa and lie with my phone in my hand while everyone sits about chatting and joking softly. People try to nudge me back into the group a couple of times but give up pretty quickly. I don’t mean to be grumpy, I just can’t stop thinking about Marco.

I’m busy trying to distract myself with a game of solitaire when, finally, a text comes through. My heart leaps into my throat.

ItsaMeeMarco:

I got home safe don’t worry. I’m going to go to bed now. Speak to you later.

He’s home. Thank fuck.

I’m relieved, but every time I reread his message, the knife in my gut twists a little deeper. It’s as if this text wasn’t even sent by him. There’s a disconnect between these words and the messages he usually sends to me and I hate that. I hate picturing the look on his face as he typed that message and how much effort it probably took him just to say the bare minimum. I hate the thought of him lying in bed feeling alone.

I open up the pictures Eren sent me and zoom in on Marco’s face. His smile helps push away the memories of how broken he looked less than an hour ago, but not for long.

It’s not fair. It’s just not fucking fair. Bert was right – Marco really is the last person who deserves to be treated this way, but he was regardless. What kind of fucking idiot gets lucky enough to find the sweetest, kindest, most gorgeous guy in the world and then throws it all away for a quick shag with some fucking random?

I feel so fucking sad, but then angry because Marco is sad and sad because Marco is angry. This cycle continues for a while before I finally realise, the only thing that will stop it is sleep. I shimmy further down the arm of the sofa and curl onto my side. I allow myself one last look at the pictures of me and Marco, before I let my eyes close and doze off into a fitful sleep, clutching my phone in lieu of his hand.

[kantrips]

Alistair & Celia Headcanon Collection

Some Amell x Alistair (largely fluff) headcanons! Includes some from Origins, Warden time at Amaranthine and the Inquisition-era. Some of these I have had since my first playthrough, but others I may have read elsewhere, loved and thusly absorbed so please let me know if I can link anyone!

Origins

The first time they meet at Ostagar, Celia thinks Alistair is the most fascinating person she has ever encountered because no one in the Circle had a particularly boisterous sense of humour. Alistair is oblivious to her heart eyes, and also holds back because he’s worried she won’t survive the Joining.

Even after the Joining, Alistair tries very hard not to ~feel feelings~ despite the clear signals Celia is hurling at him because he assumes she won’t like him once she gets to know him more/she will get bored of him/ she will leave like everyone else i.e. the boy is hecking damaged.

Celia laughs obnoxiously hard at all Alistair’s jokes because a) she finds them unexpected, and b) because, like a dork, she wants to prove she gets the punch line. Alistair is perplexed by her reactions at first, and cautiously wonders if she is mocking him. Once he realises she is genuinely amused, it bolsters his ego significantly. 

Celia has no concept of personal space and sits and walks very close to everyone. There wasn’t a lot of room at the Circle so she forgets she can spread out. Morrigan makes it clear she needs to back off (Celia doesn’t need telling twice) but Alistair is more relaxed and gets used to it quickly after the confusion of the first night when she blithely sets up her bedroll right next to his. Alistair assumes she is a bit scared of sleeping in the forest but really she is just accustomed to the need to cram as many apprentice bunks into a room as possible.

In a way, Alistair is also used to sharing small spaces (Chantry and Wardens) so it doesn’t bother him at all when Celia chooses to sit pressed against his side, walks so their arms bump together, or unconsciously brushes an eyelash from his cheek. He quickly grows to like her overfamiliarity (for some reason…).

Similarly, Alistair eats Celia’s leftover food if she can’t finish it or doesn’t like it, even before they’re a couple. She just offers one day and after that it becomes a given. The others side-eye them but they are happily oblivious.   

Celia gets in trouble from the rest of the party for getting distracted yelling encouragement and cheering Alistair during combat. In turn, Alistair gets in trouble for turning around mid-battle to thank her when she buffs or heals him. Morrigan advises that if they are both so determined to get killed, she is more than happy to assist with hastening the process.

Celia’s mabari, Trevor, is quickly accepting of Alistair and his proximity to Celia because he observes Alistair protecting Celia in battle and thusly deems him to be a ‘good dog’ and considers that they are equals in the pack.

Alistair and Celia vandalise each other’s wanted posters whenever they come across them. It gets competitive.

Celia doesn’t really want to be in charge of saving the world but has three things working in her favour: 1) she absolutely hates letting people down 2) has an intense need to finish what she starts 3) she is in possession of a bossy streak.

That said she spends the entire Blight screaming internally to an extent not even Alistair fully grasps.

They go to the Circle Tower first, because Celia thinks she will have the best chance of getting help from people she knows and is also ‘homesick’ in the sense that she is very glad to be free of the place, but stressed enough with everything going on to crave something familiar even if she resents it. The events there devastate her. Along with the loss of friends and mentors she has known since childhood, being trapped by herself in the fade particularly terrifies her as she has never truly been alone for so long before in her life. It reminds her of the Harowing which totally blindsided her. She is very teary, untalkative and introspective for some time afterwards, but both Trevor and Alistair have the correct instinct to stay close without trying to interact with her which she finds incredibly comforting.

Accustomed to making potions, Celia will not under any circumstances deviate from a recipe while cooking, whereas Alistair just chucks everything in to use up leftovers and see what happens. Alistair gets meals together super quickly whereas Celia takes forever. A little unfairly, Celia is perceived as the better cook because she produces very consistent meals, while Alistair’s experiments sometimes do work, and sometimes don’t, with people tending to focus on the disasters rather than the successes. Meanwhile Celia is rather: “should I add half a sprig of rosemary? No I mustn’t: it would be far too daring!” so everyone learns to tip their own seasonings into their bowl before even tasting her food.

When they’re travelling and walking for days on end, Alistair and Celia make up a lot of games in the vein of ‘I spy’ and ‘would you rather?’ They can occasionally persuade others to participate though no one enjoys them or gets quite as invested as Celia and Alistair (who are actual children).

A game stops abruptly one day when Celia guilelessly asks if Alistair would rather be Emperor of Orlais or King of Fereldan and he gets extremely defensive and answers, “Neither.” Having no context for this reaction (yet), Celia (a stickler for the rules) pushes him, insisting his answer isn’t allowed and that he’s cheating until Alistair gets grouchy, stomps off and refuses to play anything for days. 

Celia figures he must be overtired, but his unhappy reaction does come back to her later at the Landsmeet and contributes to her already firm resolve not to put him on the throne.

When bored, Alistair also periodically asks Celia to, “Do a trick!” with her magic and she usually obliges with something small and silly which Wynne always scolds them for (but they continue to do anyway).

Celia does not like Eamon one bit and makes it clear from their first meeting. Alistair actually gets a bit annoyed at her because she is polite to 99% of the other people they meet and he can’t understand what her problem is. Celia won’t say because she doesn’t want to drive Alistair away so she remains coldly civil towards Eamon and commences a long, looong process of nudging Alistair towards having the realisation himself that a) Eamon is manipulative, selfish and cruel and b) Alistair deserves better.

Celia wants to collect some of the books they find which is not practical given they are constantly travelling, but Alistair carries as many as he can in his pack and suffers in silence for it, ultimately finding it worth it for her enthusiastic gratitude.

Celia cuts Alistair’s hair and does a very respectable job after weeks of him complaining it’s flopping in his eyes (they used to cut each other’s hair in the Circle). Zevran pretends she did an awful job, gasping in horror at Alistair’s appearance, much to Celia’s ire. Alistair (internally weeping) tries to be brave until he can check his reflection in some plate mail and see it is fine.

Celia is very naïve about how the ���real world’ works having been at the Circle since she was a child. This is especially evident in Denerim and Alistair has to explain how money works and grab her before she wanders down dicey looking alleyways.

Alistair nearly dissolves into a paroxysm of agony when he points out his favourite type of cheese at the Denerim Markets and (accustomed to the very limited range of bland foods provided at the Circle) Celia innocently asks, “There is more than one type of cheese?” Alistair makes it his mission to educate her. She doesn’t like most of what he feeds her but doesn’t say so to protect his feelings given he seems to take the matter so incredibly personally.

Leliana convinces Celia to sing one evening at the campfire. She’s breathy with a very limited range but manages okay, and Leliana plays and harmonises in support. Watching on with a goofy smile plastered over his face, Alistair comments to the surrounding companions about how talented she is and they’re like “…she’s really not mate.”

When they both wake up from a blightmare (or Celia has one and wakes Alistair with her flailing) they sneak about and eat anything they can find then sit up and have massive deep & meaningfuls (i.e. in the spirit of going for a long drive with a friend or being in the garden with someone outside a party and spilling your guts). Eventually they start blaming the depleted food stores on Leliana’s nug, Schmooples, much to Leliana’s displeasure.

Given Celia usually responds so well to his jokes, Alistair gets a bit peeved when Celia starts replying to some of his more severely self-deprecating humour with an unamused, “No you’re not,” or, “That’s not true.” He defensively argues it’s just a joke, but he does stop doing it so much as time goes on.

Celia is SO excited when Alistair gives her the rose. She never in her life thought she would be the recipient of a proper ~romantic gesture~…however she accidentally sits on the rose about five minutes after she gets it. Celia is devastated. There is a lot of panic and tears and she keeps one petal pressed in a book but has to unceremoniously ditch the rest in secret.

Celia doesn’t tell Alistair about this until years later and she’s terrified he’ll be hurt but he just laughs because he was so worried he was going to be the one to squash it and then she destroyed it basically the minute she got it. Alistair acknowledges it was an impractical gift given their situation. Celia gets mad and says it was a PERFECT gift and is annoyed at how funny he finds it given this has been a crushing, guilty secret hanging over her for years.

Following this, every time Alistair gives her any kind of gift, he can’t help but throw in a ‘Don’t sit on it!” and cracks himself up, especially when Celia gets grumpy about it and accuses him of spoiling the moment. It happens so often that when Alistair chooses a horse for her and plans to teach her to ride, Celia manages to cut him off with, “Yes, I know Alistair: I can sit on this one,” and steals his thunder.

Alistair periodically says Celia’s name just to check if she’ll answer, especially after a long period of quiet or to see if she’s awake à la screaming in the chantry because it’s so silent. When she responds he says, “Nothing” or “Never mind” but he finds it vaguely comforting just to hear her reply and it’s a habit he never loses, even when they have been together for years and he is much less isolated generally. Alistair doesn’t realise he’s doing it, and it never happens frequently enough for Celia to notice: she just assumes he has lost his train of thought.

They sometimes conspire to purposely fall to the back of the group while on the road so that they can hold hands. Everyone knows full well what they are doing, but Alistair and Celia think they are being incredibly ~sneaky~.

The first time they sleep together they laugh. A lot. Before, during and after.

Alistair snores loudly but only when he’s on his back. Celia is used to the noise of people sleeping around her at the Circle so it doesn’t bother her and she doesn’t want to disturb him because she knows he needs the rest.

When they are known to be sharing a tent however, their companions will slap on the walls of it and demand she kick him until he stops snoring. Celia will relent and gently prod and nudge Alistair until he rolls over with a bit of sleepy grumbling.

I think everyone has this headcanon to the point it is basically actual canon HOWEVER I am legally obligated to include it: Alistair is a professional body heat distributor and Celia drastically cuts down on the number of blankets she uses once they are sleeping together. If she stands in front of him on cold days, he understands the non-verbal signal and will automatically wrap her in his cloak.

Also might as well be canon: Alistair likes to be the little spoon. He doesn’t say, but Celia knows.

Decidedly not a fluff one (you can skip to Amaranthine to avoid) but the ritual with Morrigan fairly significantly messes Alistair up (both the act itself and his consideration of the repercussions i.e. Kieran). He’s jubilant and relieved at their victory over the Archdemon, but in the background struggles to process and there is some fallout once the victory celebrations lull and he has time to fully register what happened. Alistair grapples with a lot of guilt, disgust and confusion. He doesn’t know how to express it or where to direct his emotions so it mainly manifests as self-loathing. He wants to talk to Celia about it but can’t articulate his feelings which makes him feel worse.

Celia tries to comfort him, but he needs space on and off for a long while after and she gives him it. She feels a lot of guilt too, and never stops wondering how much it was actually his choice to do the ritual, worrying that she made him feel like he had to do it. Eventually they discuss it openly and honestly, which eases both of their minds somewhat, but it takes a long time to get to a point where they can talk on the subject. Meeting Kieran at Skyhold also helps Alistair down the line, though it’s obviously painful.

Amaranthine & Inquisition

Alistair keeps an eye out for people struggling, especially new recruits who are having trouble fitting in. He takes them under his wing and is very good at building people up and making sure everyone is included. He’ll just start enthusiastically greeting people like they are his best friend and squeezing himself onto the bench next to them at meals until everyone else follows suit.

For recruits that don’t respond well to his ‘mother hen’ type attention, Celia is good at assigning tasks that specifically highlight their strengths and builds their confidence/sense of purpose which also gains them the respect of their peers.

Alistair has been known to stand behind Celia while she is giving mundane orders/making speeches and pull faces or impersonate her, turning stony and impassive when she spins around accusingly because people are laughing.  

But if anyone else talks smack about her he gets very, “Sorry mate, just to clarify was that comment directed at my wife, your Commander, the hERO OF FERELDAN, VANQUISHER OF AN ARCHDEMON!? That’s lucky, I didn’t THINK IT LIKELY. Because that wouldn’t be WISE, would it now?” etc. with some loud, fake laughter and firm backslapping for the worst offenders.

The plan for them to part ways so that Celia can search for a cure goes very badly, especially because Celia (under a lot of stress and not coping™) eventually devolves into, “I’m in charge and I say so,” which is a big betrayal of their agreements both to stay together, and make decisions together on equal footing. She realises this and takes it back but Alistair is demoralised and gives in with a bit of petty, sarcastic reverence e.g. saluting and, “Whatever you say boss, don’t know why I dared to utter an opinion how foolish of me...” so they still part on slightly strained terms, even after later mutually apologising and trying to make the most of their time together before they go.

Both regret the argument during their separation and write horribly soppy letters to each other, but something still feels uncomfortably unresolved until they are together again. They pine. So much. It’s disgusting and cliched. There is considerable sighing and staring at the moon or deep into tankards, very much to the ire of those around them. Alistair can be particularly annoying: “This roll reminds me of my wife...she eats bread sometimes...”

After Celia sends the letter to the Inquisitor, she writes to Leliana directly along the lines of, “I know it was incredibly subtle but I wanted to check: did they get the message? That I will destroy them if Alistair gets hurt?” and Leliana replies in the vein of, “Hon, it wasn’t even remotely subtle ffs…”

When reunited, though ecstatic and nearly delirious with joy and relief, it takes a while to rebuild the trust they once had, especially for Alistair. There’s an unfamiliar awkwardness that flares up unexpectedly, but it doesn’t last and they’re both fully committed to each other and to staying together permanently this time.

Celia and Alistair have a conversation recapping everything that happened while they were apart in which Celia is all, “Poor Hawke. Honestly I’m shocked you didn’t do something obscenely idiotic like try and sacrifice yourself thank the Maker for that…” and Alistair is there, nervously sweating, looking for an exit, loosening his collar etc.

As they settle back into their old routines Alistair will occasionally blurt out things like, “I really like having breakfast with you,” and then berate himself internally for how trite that sounds but Celia replies on cue, “I love waking up next to you and the way you groan when you stretch your back out and the way you check your hair twice before you leave the room and the way you complain if I don’t eat my crusts and the way you still hold my hand when we’re walking...” and basically they’re just blissfully happy being comfortably domestic and even as they get older they are forever just teenagers in love.

The Wardens at Amaranthine acquire/receive a griffon egg and the hatchling imprints on Alistair and decides he is their mother. It can’t cope with separation, crying constantly if Alistair goes out of sight, and won’t let anyone else feed or handle it so Alistair carries them in a sling 24/7. He gets to give orders and run training sessions with the tiny griffon occasionally poking its head out just to glare at everyone.

Whenever the baby griffon squeaks, Alistair automatically replies, “Well said,” or “Excellent point, Ser Beaksly” with a totally straight face.

For the first few months, Celia gets nipped or scratched if she approaches Alistair unless he wraps the griffon up. It so badly wants to fight her. Celia is permitted to sleep in her own bed, as long as the griffon sleeps curled on Alistair’s chest and Celia doesn't try anything outrageous like touching her husband even fleetingly. It gets a little frustrating as the months drag on, but the image of Alistair with the sling over his armour, or with the griffon snuggling possessively around his neck staring daggers at everyone, is so entertaining that Celia can’t get truly annoyed about it. As the griffon gets older it does learn to tolerate other people and becomes more independent but remains very protective of Alistair and favours him above all others. Insert the ‘Ah yes. Me. My husband. And his thousand pound murder-bird-cat child’ meme here.

Modern AU Bonus Round

They share headphones while commuting.

They occasionally end up wearing sort of matching outfits, mostly unintentionally.

They consistently refer to their dog, Trevor, as their son to the point that people who aren’t familiar with them assume that they actually have a child.