#the second time now where ive found out an artist i love has heard my music lmao | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hwangsies · 4 years ago

Text

zephyr

(n) a gentle breeze

pairing: seo changbin x female reader (hwang hyunjin x female reader)

genre: rebound to fwb to dumbasses to lovers(?), college!au, undergroundrappers!3racha

warnings: angst: mentions of infidelity, heartbreak and abuse, seemingly unrequited love, they are both so dumb and prideful its annoying, fluff, bad attempt at comedy, minsung on the side, cursing, alcohol consumption, smut: protected piv, oral (f), studio sex, praise, mild degradation, hair pulling, mild spanking

wc: 10k

enjoy <3

September

"y/n?" you hear your roommates faint voice calling out your name.

You dont bother to answer because you know she's going to come into your room at any second now.

And you're right. "y/n??" Your door opens a few seconds later.

You groan in response, not looking up and instead staying in your little cocoon of blankets.

"no babygirl what are you doing?" you feel the bed shift under lias weight when she sits down.

"what does it look like i'm doing?" you grumble back, her hand gently rubbing over your arm.

"sulking, babe" she replies, dropping her purse to the ground.

"10 points for griffyndor" you sniffle as you scooch and sit up, pushing the blankets half off of you at which she sighs.

"wooyoung was not that good of a boyfriend for you to still be crying over him" lia presses her lips together concernedly.

She's right, you know it. It has almost been two months and you still feel like crying everytime someone mentions him.

"i know" you nod somewhat defeatedly "still, i was with him for almost a year and" you hiccup "he literally ripped my heart out and trampled on it"

"i know" lia nods understandingly "but i do think it would help if you went out again, even if its just for a night, you know just to be around people"

"it probably would but i just dont have the energy for it" you shrug your shoulders.

"i get it, girl, i really do" she pats your knee "both of my exes cheated on me, my only luck was that they were both awful at hiding it so i found out pretty quickly" she huffs.

You force out a chuckle, from what you heard from one of the girls that wooyoung cheated on you with, was that it started 3 months into your relationship.

"this the most humiliating thing ever, lia" you scoff "being with someone for so long, trusting them and telling them all your secrets and you think they are doing the same for you but then realizing that they were faking it all along to have multiple side chicks, and the fact that i was too oblivious to figure it out is the icing on the cake" you rub your forehead, feeling a migrane approach due to the sheer amount of crying you've been doing.

She seems to know what's happening and hands you the water bottle next to your bed "hydrate, sis"

So, you do. Taking four big gulps out of the water bottle.

Once you place the bottle next to you and tie your hair in a messy bun, you look at your roommate more thuroughly now that the tears are wiped away.

"you look pretty" you compliment her makeup and casual yet chic outfit "what'd you do tonight?"

Her contagious grin spreads over her face, eyes turning into little crescents.

"chris took me to the fair in town" lia grins before her face drops "I'm sorry, this is maybe not the time to ta-"

"No! It is, tell me about it" you interrupt her.

"O-okay" she nods hesitantly "well, i dont know if you've been keeping track but today was our fourth date and it was amazing" she gushes.

"I cant believe how much i like him, like, its crazy" she squeals a little, at which you giggle.

"so, fourth date huh? And he hasnt tried to get into your pants yet?" you quip.

"nope, i initiated our first kiss and other than that nothing" she whispers the last words before laughing.

"thats great" you smile, genuinely happy for her.

"Hmm yea" she sings as she gets up "i'll go to bed now too"

"Oh, hey, i have an idea" lia speaks up when standing in your doorway "chris has this performance thingy in two days, you should totally come!" she offers enthusiastically.

"he has a band?" you ask, partly to distract her from her offer.

"Hmm not really a band, they're a trio and there is this performance on saturday where a bunch of underground artists perform, i didnt fully listen if im honest" she giggles "but you should come with me!!" she jumps excitedly.

"i dont kno-"

"y/n pleasee? You'd do me a huge favor too because i dont know anyone there" lia pleads, clutchig her hands together.

"you know chris" you rebuttal.

"and what am i supposed to do when he's performing? stand around like an idiot? please y/n" she pouts.

"I dont really think this is my type of crowd..." you scratch your head.

"please please please" she jumps once more.

You sigh and tilt your head as you look at her sternly.

"one of his friends is single" she adds carefully.

"and cute" she sings "from what ive seen in pictures" she adds.

"lia" you groan.

"I'll do your laundry for two weeks if you come with me"

"you will?" Your head snaps towards her.

"yes i will! i promise, just come with me, please?"

A long sigh leaves your lips "okay"

The strong bass of the loud music rings in your chest as soon as you step foot into the club where “3racha” is supposed to be performing tonight.

Lia comes to a halt and you almost run into her because you were to busy checking out the venue and the other people around you.

“sorry” you mumble and hold onto her arm to avoid getting lost in the crowd.

She pulls out her phone and clicks on her and hers and chris’s chat, to figure out where to meet them, you assume.

“okay” lia puts her phone back into her jeans pocket and grabs your hand “they’re backstage, lets go”

“can we just go there?” you almost yell for her to understand what you’re saying.

“yea! Chris said he’ll make sure we’ll get in, come on” she tugs at your hand for you to walk faster.

You waddle behind her, barely dodging some drunk guys beer that goes flying before you arrive at the sign that says “artists only” and a black curtain behind it.

The guy standing infront of it raises a brow at the two of you before pointing at said sign “read ladies, no fans allowed”

“hey, they’re with me” a guy, you assume to be chris, taps on his shoulder and shows his artists badge, half of his body still covered by the curtain.

The bigger guy sighs and lets you through.

“thank you” lia lets go of your hand to loop her arms around chris’s neck once behind the curtain, they kiss and you look around.

Not because you are particularly uncomfortable, maybe still just a little bitter at happy couples.

You audibly clear your throat when they are still making out after a good ten seconds.

“oh-uhm” lia looks back at you after breaking the kiss “chris, this is y/n, y/n, chris” she giggles.

“hi y/n, nice to meet you” he gives you a quick hug and a smile full of dimples, finally understanding why your roommate is always swooning about him.

“hi” you smile back, somewhat forced.

“lets go to our dressingroom” chris suggests and leads the way.

Opening the door, he lets you and lia walk in first.

One guy is dancing around in the middle of the room, singing along to the current song that’s being played in the background with a water bottle as a pretend mic.

Another is one sitting on the small couch and laughing at him.

“oh, hi” the guy stops singing and quickly hides the bottle behind himself at which chris chuckles.

“guys, this is lia and y/n” chris points at the two of you before closing the door behind him.

“ooo the lia?” the waterbottle guy wiggles his eyebrows, at which you cant help but laugh as well, he isn’t very tall but looks lean.

“what is the lia supposed to mean?” lia laughs when chris comes up and slings an arm around her waist from behind her.

“I..well-I talk about you sometimes-“

“sometimes my ass” the guy sitting on the couch scoffs amusedly, your eyes shift to him.

He’s wearing a white baseball cap and a pretty tight fitted black Versace shirt, making his shoulders and arms look broad.

His hands clad in black half-gloves, he adjusts his cap before locking eyes with you and quickly looking down again.

“channie hyung must’ve forgotten his manners, I’m jisung” the waterbottle guy speaks up “and that’s changbin hyung” he points at the most intimidating-looking of the three of them, on the couch.

“channie?” lia squeals as she sits down with chris on the couch changbin is sitting on as well, jisung coming up to you.

“hey, you want something to drink?” he asks, pointing at the mini bar feigning cockiness “we have a mini bar”

“woow” you chuckle, playing along “sure I’d love a drink”

“how come we’ve never met on campus before?” jisung asks after mixing you a vodka soda and sitting down on the second couch in the room.

“oh, you all go to uni here as well?” you ask surprisedly as you sit down next to him..

“yea” he grins “that’s how we all met” he points at lia and chris almost sitting on top of each other “and those two”

“oh I didn’t even know that” you take a sip, trying to loosen up “I guess I wasn’t listening when she was ranting on about him”

Jisung laughs and changbin joins the two of you as he sits down next to jisung.

“they just started calling each other bubs I feel like throwing up” changbin groans as he drinks from his beer.

You huff before jisung speaks again, looking from his friend back to you “he’s usually more romantic” he quips.

“I bet” you joke with him.

“yup” changbin locks eyes with you “that’s why I’m single, I’m just too romantic” he shakes his head sarcastically.

“ooh” you squint your eyes “emotional unavailability? love that in a man” you grin, at which his eyebrow quirks up amusedly.

“speaking of man, did minho hyung text you when he’d be here?” jisung asks his friend.

“yea he said he’ll be here in 5 and that you should finally buy a new phone” changbin answers, reading it from his phone at which jisung scoffs before turning to you.

“minho is my boyfriend” he explains “he’s hot” he grins at which you laugh “I bet”

“so, y/n, do you have a boyfriend?” jisung asks after taking a sip of his drink

“not anymore” you scoff, jisung inhales excitedly “guess what, changbin is single as well” he grins from ear to ear, comically looking back and forth between you two.

“oh, please dont start like lia” you chuckle, leaning forwards to lock eyes with changbin “no offense, but I only attract assholes”

He shakes his head, amusedly raising his brows “none taken” he grins at which you huff before a young woman comes into their dressing room to tell them they’re up next.

Back in the crowd, you and lia find a good place just as the lights dim and the music begins to play.

Suddenly you feel someone run into your side “woah I’m sorry” he quickly apologizes “this guy pushed me” he looks behind him.

“its alright” you nod, loud enough for him to hear.

Once they come outside, the crowd goes wild.

“jisungieee” the guy next to you all over sudden screams, you have to smile when looking at him.

“are you minho by any chance?” you ask him.

He nods aggressively “yea! do you know jisung?”

“I just met him backstage” you yell over the loud bass.

Minho laughs and nods before the bass drops and chris starts the first verse.

“he’s great right?” lia screams into your ear when the first chorus ends.

“yea” you nod, actually surprised at how good their music is, now understanding as to why the crowd loves them so much.

Changbin starts his verse and suddenly you feel somewhat entranced, his voice is rough and his bars are hard, definitely fitting his appearance but what entices you is the passion with which he appears to be performing.

Throughout their whole performance you cant take your eyes off him, the way his arms flex when he grips onto the microphone a little harder or the way his jugular sticks out when he growls into the microphone.

Not to mention the thighs you somehow didn’t notice in their dressing room, you watch them strain against his leather pants and feel even hotter suddenly.

Their last song ends and lia is quick to be in your ear about going backstage to chris again.

“oh you know chan hyung?” minho overhears and chimes in.

“yea she’s his date” you point at your overly excited roommate.

“changbin just texted and said they’re upstairs in the vip lounge, come with me” the brunette holds out his hand for you to take, which you do and grab lia with the other one.

“do you know where you’re going?” you ask minho after a minute of pressing yourself along sweaty dancing bodies.

“yea! they’re here a lot” he yells back “its right over there” he points to a flight of stairs where yet another bouncer is standing in front of.

“hey minho” the bouncer greats him with a fist bump “these girls are with you?” he points at lia and you.

“yea” he nods.

“trying something new, I see” he laughs atw hich you frown.

“oh, nono” minho chuckles uncomfortably “I’m still with jisung”

“ah-alright well, have fun” the bouncer moves after looking you all up and down, letting you walk up the stairs.

“wow, you’re famous” lia giggles at which minho huffs and shakes his head amusedly “yea, for being the only non-straight person they know”

“baby” you see jisung jump up from his seat in the spacious lounge as soon as you enter.

“hii” minho holds out his arms for him to run into, you cant stop yourself from smiling when you see jisung jump into his boyfriends arms.

“lia, y/n come over here” chris waves at the two of you.

“you were so good, baby” you hear minho praise jisung behind you as you walk over to the large round sitting booth where chan and changbin are sitting.

Lia slides into the booth and cuddles into chans side “you were awesome” she squeals as you sit down on the other end and grab a fresh glass from the middle of the round table, holding it next to changbins where he’s pouring cherry vodka into.

“can i get some?” you ask, he glances at you and smirks before silently filling your glass with a double shots worth of the slightly rosy liquid.

“so, how did you like it?” he asks as he leans back, taking a swing of his drink.

“you guys were really good” you nod “to be honest I didn’t expect such high quality music”

He laughs, leaning his head back a little, his adams apple bopping with it.

You cant help but notice the sheer sheen of sweat that expands over his thick neck, obviously coming from their escapades on stage just now.

“what did you expect? a bunch of drunks playing wonderwall on the guitar for more drunks?” he grins, straight white teeth on display.

“hey, don’t come for wonderwall” you raise your hand jokingly at which he laughs.

“I wouldn’t dare” he raises his hands comically.

“hey” you whip your head around to see jisung and minho “scoot, please” jisung speaks again.

“oh-yea” you grab your drink and scoot further into the half circle-shaped booth.

“so what do you study?” changbin asks, his voice catches you off guard because you hadn’t calculated how close you’re sitting to him.

You turn to him to realise you’re close enough to smell his perfume and aftershave.

“uh- I- art” you answer shakily before taking a sip of your drink just to pull a face afterwards.

“jesus christ” you cough a little and hold your chest as changbin laughs.

“its stronger than you’d think” he grins “can you handle it?” he teases when your eyes get a little watery.

You stare at him for a second before playfully rolling your eyes “im good”

His eyes trace over your face as you look around before he breaks the silence ”i can get you something else if you want” he offers.

“oh-uh no, I’m just being dramatic its fine” you chuckle.

“so...what do you study?” you change the topic.

“I’m majoring in music” he says, stretching out his arms over the backrest “all three of us are”

“oh, so you like, produce all your own stuff?” you ask, your eyes jumping to where his forearm touches your shoulder, that’s leaning against the backrest.

“yea, channie hyung composes the most, me and ji write a lot” he explains,

“thats really cool” you nod, looking over to the mentioned guy.

Changbin follows your eyes and huffs when the both of you see him and your roommate sucking face again.

After a few seconds they stop and giggle before standing up to go somewhere.

“where are they going?” you huff.

“I guess they want some alone time” he chuckles, lifting the arm close to you to take off the cap he’s still wearing.

You flinch when his forearm brushes your shoulder.

“are you scared of me?” he asks slowly, stopping his movements, cap still in hand.

“no- no” you shake your head, chuckling “I- its just been a while since I’ve gone out and I don’t know” you shrug “I feel a little lost”

“hm” changbin cocks his brow at your words, running one hand through his dark brown locks.

You divert your eyes from his bulging bicep back to his face quickly when he speaks again.

“any reason why?” he leans back again.

“oh, just a shitty ex and a shitty breakup” you shrug “I’m gonna spare you the details”

“aw, no please, tell me he had a small dick and everything, now im invested” he jokes.

You tsk at him and push his arm playfully, feigning annoyance.

“that still doesn’t answer my question as to why you jumped like that when my arm touched you” changbin raises his brows expectantly.

You open your mouth to speak but-

“we’ll go get some more to drink” minho interrupts you at which changbin nods.

“so?” he asks again, once minho and jisung leave.

“did that ex hit you? give me his address I’ll beat him up for you” changbin deadpans.

“no” you shake your head after taking another sip “he didn’t” you huff incredulously.

“its just- you look kinda scary” you blurt out finally.

His eyes widen before he falls into a boyish laughter, which you cant help but join.

“me?” he points at himself before laughing again, the image you had made up in your mind about him cracking.

“yea!” you raise your brows “when you look like this” you furrow your brows and lightly squint your eyes to mimic his resting bitch face.

“what the-” he splutters laughingly.

“stoop, don’t laugh” you hold onto his forearm, still giggling yourself.

He calms himself, subconsciously scooting closer to you in the now empty booth.

“maybe scary wasn’t the right word” you snicker, looking down.

“I think the word you were looking for was: sexy, hot or mysterious, maybe handsome-” he quips, grinning to himself when you start laughing again.

“no, no, I know what I meant” you joke back, just now noticing how close he is, his knee touching yours as his whole torso is turned to you.

“so none of my suggestions are accurate?” he cheekily raises one brow at which you scoff playfully.

“maybe one or two” you see his eyes jump to your lips.

The air suddenly feels thick around you with tension, changbins tongue darting out to wet his plump bottom lip while his eyes are still locked on yours.

You breathe in before the two of you lock eyes again "so…are you gonna kiss me, or just stare?"

He raises his brows at your sudden boost of confidence, grinning amusedly.

"what happened to me being scary?" he counters before urging you to swing one leg over his thighs with gentle hands.

You take a seat on his lap, straddling his thick thighs before looping your arms around his neck "i dont know, i think i'm into it" you quip.

His hands wander up your waist "well then i wont make you wait any longer" he grins, looking at your lips one last time before closing the gap inbetween you two.

You meet him in the middle, changbins grip on your waist tightens when his plush lips land on yours.

He pulls you closer to him, pushing his tongue past the seam of your lips.

You can taste the cherry vodka on his tongue but it riles you up even more, sucking at the wet muscle before his hands wander over the swell of your ass and each grab a handful of the flesh; your short skirt riding up when you subconsciously grind against his lap.

“be careful” he mumbles against your lips, gently tugging down the piece of fabric so you don’t expose yourself to bywalkers.

“where’s the fun in that?” you cock your head to the side teasingly.

Changbin scoffs and leans in again but you get interrupted by jisung.

“hey, we-oh” you whip your head around.

Jisungs frown turns into a grin “uh” he chuckles “we dont mean to interrupt but chan hyung texted minho and they’re going to your place” he points at you.

“ugh, seriously?” you mutter.

“I’m sleeping at minhos so, hyung you’ll have our place to yourself” he winks at changbin.

“so, we’re out too, have fun you guys” minho waves teasingly as jisung drags him away.

For a second you stare after them, until a gentle squeeze at your waist makes you turn around again.

“you could come over to my place if you don’t want to go to yours right now” he offers, eyes flickering to your lips when you bite at your lower one.

This is usually like not you, letting some guy you barely know take you home.

But here you are the next morning, looking up at the ceiling, changbins room flooded with daylight.

You sit up and look at the still unconscious changbin next to you. His blanket had fallen down and exposes his toned torso, barely covering his private parts.

A tingle forms in your lower abdomen when you think of what happened here a few hours ago.

But you pull yourself together and start looking around for your clothes.

You spot your bra on his desk and your skirt and shoes on the floor, gently shimmying out from underneath the blanket; you grab your skirt and slide it on without your panties, not being able to find them anywhere.

Right as you clasp your bra behind your back, changbins morning voice makes you flinch “you would’ve just snuck out?” he grumbles, rubbing his eyes as you look back at him.

“what? did you take me for a breakfast lover?” you quip as you slide into your shoes, looking around for your shirt.

“damn, that’s cold” he chuckles lowly, sitting up and watching you stride around his room.

“where did you put my shirt?” you ask, bending down to look under his desk.

“maybe you should worry about your panties first” he snickers, eyes glued to your core when you look back at him.

You kiss your teeth and straighten up quickly, having forgotten about your lack of underwear.

“not that that wasn’t a great view just now-“

“you’re not helping” you interrupt him, eyes lighting up when you spot your shirt in the hallway.

“why so serious all over sudden?” he grins “last night you were everything but tense”

You scoff as you pull your shirt over your head and stuff it into your skirt before grabbing your purse and phone.

“I have an exam in 2 days and I haven’t studied yet” you exhale.

“I could drive you home-“ he runs a hand through his messy hair.

“I’ll call a cab, uhm- thanks for last night” you hurriedly smile before walking out.

“bye” changbin calls after you, frowning and dropping back down onto his bed when he hears the door shut behind you “have a nice day I guess” he mumbles to himself.

October

You cling your jacket closer to your body as you walk through the howling wind the seasonal change had brought with it.

When you arrive at lias faculty building you take out your phone to see if she texted you about when her lecture would be over.

lia : hey babe, chris took me to his place -received at 4:17 pm

You roll your eyes, typical you think.

you : are you serious? you begged me to walk home with you -sent at 4:25 pm

You see her the little blue bubble pop up, indicating that she’s writing a message.

lia : im sorry!! please don’t be mad, he surprised me :((( -received at 4:25 pm

You scoff and turn off your phone before slipping it in your coats pocket alongside your hands. Typical, you think, ever since that night at the club the two of them have become inseparable and lia cancelling on you had become a regular thing. You are happy for her but you also miss your friend.

“y/n?” a familiar voice calls after you right as you start to walk away, you freeze and turn around.

“yea?- oh” you swallow harshly when you see changbin walk your way.

“hey” he smiles brightly and you have to bite back a grin at the cute beanie he’s sporting alongside his slightly red nose due to the cold weather.

“hi” you smile timidly.

“you never texted” he tilts his head at which you nod.

“yea, sorry I actually never got your number” you look at the ground “uh- what are you doing here?”

“oh um im on my way to the studio” he points at a nearby building “that’s the music faculty”

“ah okay, well” you lock eyes “have fun then” you turn around again, ready to walk away.

“hey” he catches up with you “you wanna join me? check out some of our new stuff?” he burries his hands in the front pockets of his jeans.

“I don’t know, changbin I really don’t want to date right now-“ you start at which he chuckles.

“I didn’t ask you to marry me” he stops in his tracks, grinning when you do as well, locking eyes “come on, I just need an unbiased opinion on some new tracks” he tilts his head.

You inhale before looking around you “I could drive you home after? So you don’t have to walk through this weather?” he offers, raising his brows at which you purse your lips.

“alright” you give in, changbin smiles and extends his elbow for you to hold.

You simper and coyly hook your hand around his arm as the two of you start walking.

“this is awesome!” you point to his laptop a minute after he played the first song for you.

Changbin grins bashfully and leans back into his desk chair “you think?”

“yea, the hook is super catchy” you bob your head as his eyes fix on your profile “you’re really talented, changbin” you catch him blushing before putting on another song.

After a few other songs, he takes off his headphones when you take off yours.

“can I ask you something?” he asks, you glance at him.

“you just did” you quip at which he huffs, “sure” you nod.

“how much of that night do you remember?” he fiddles with one of the rings on his left hand.

“why?” you ask back.

“well, you seemed really upset the next morning so I got kind of scared that you didn’t actually want it and I kind of took advantage of you” he recalls the night the two of you spent together.

“oh, no. you didn’t take advantage of me, I wasn’t even drunk and I would’ve told you if I had changed my mind or something. That was just the first time I ever spent the night at a guys house for a one night stand” you absently pick off some fuzzies from your jeans.

“plus I had just come out of a relationship so I was a little too emotional anyways” you chuckle.

“alright” changbin nods “just wanted to make sure” he smiles down at his hands “cause I remember all of it”

You whip your head, scoffing when you see him with a shit eating grin on his face.

“hm” you feign ignorance as you lean back “I don’t know, there wasn’t a lot to remember” you grin mischievously.

He laughs out loud, leaning forwards “no?”

You shake your head, pursing your lips comically “nah”

“cause I remember you shaking and screaming” he grins.

You shrug your shoulders “weird, must’ve faked it” you deadpan, fiddling with the headphones you’re still holding.

Changbins tongue prods on the inside of his cheek, huffing when he catches you grinning.

“right” he grins slumping into his seat a little further.

A thought flashes in your head when your gaze drops to his crotch and thick thighs, you swallow some spit in frustration as you feel your core getting hotter.

He was right, the night was amazing, maybe that was even part of the reason you stormed out the way you did.

You clench your thighs for some relief, anything really.

“want me to refresh your memory?” your eyes jump up to meet his, you open your mouth but nothing comes out; do you want him to?

Yes. Yes you do.

So, you get up and straddle him on his chair: his hands instantly gripping at your hips, pulling you closer.

“someones eager” he grins, pushing some of your hair behind your ear.

“shut up” you whisper before crashing your lips onto his.

Changbin groans when you tug at his hair, inviting you to slip your tongue in between his lips and grind your hips over his crotch.

He hisses before propping himself up on one armrest and holding your lower back with the other as he stands up; you squeal but he holds you before sitting you back down on the desk, next to his laptop.

“now who’s eager” you grin when his hands find the waistband of your leggings and tug them down with your panties in one.

He huffs as he bunches your leggings and panties around your ankles before slipping underneath the fabric barrier and inbetween your legs.

“by the looks of it..” he runs a finger through your wet folds “still you” he quips before pushing one finger in without warning.

You moan, you head dropping back onto the hard wooden surface.

“look at me” changbin orders as a second finger prods at your entrance, you whimper but prop yourself up on your elbows.

He curls the two fingers and pumps them almost violently, the palm of his hand smacking your clit with every pump.

“oh god-“ you yelp, your eyes scrunching together as your hips buck up.

“its changbin but god is fine too” he quips as he lowers his head, you curse at him, even though you have to laugh a little.

“you’re so annoy-ah!” you cry out because suddenly his tongue is lapping over your swollen clit, sucking on it forcefully when you claw one hand into his already messed up dark locks.

“fuck-bin- gonna cum” your hips stutter and you feel the pleasure that’s blooming in your tummy is getting ready to snap.

“mmh” he humms against you “cum then, baby” he moans, knowing full well what the added vibrations are doing to your body when your chest arches and your mouth drops open.

Your cries fill the studio as you clamp down on his fingers; he rides your through your high, holding down your hips with his unoccupied hand because you squirm with the euphoria that’s filling your veins.

“good girl” he mumbles, removing his fingers from you before bringing them up to your lips “now, suck them clean for me, yea?” he grins, lips and chin shiny with your cum.

“finally” you huff when arriving at 3rachas lounge in a club out of town; where they had just performed “this club is huge” you breathe, jisung scooting and changbin letting you squeeze past him to take a seat in between them as they chuckle.

Lia and chan already lost in their own world again as she drags him to the dancefloor, squealing when chan teasingly squeezes her sides as they disappear into the crowd.

“they are made for each other” minho sighs, sitting down and giving jisung the second beer from his hands.

“I know right” you lean back, breathing in.

“you’re still out of breath?” changbin laughs at you at which you hit his arm.

“stop it, oh my god” you feign annoyance “you know how exhausting it is to dodge beer bottles and not loose lia? she’s like a Chihuahua, I swear, you loose her once and its over” you chuckle, jisung and minho laughing too.

“you just don’t have any endurance, woman” changbin grins teasingly.

“that’s so not true” you laugh incredulously “what about two nights ago-“

“AH-“ jisung interrupts you, placing his hands over his ears “please spare us your sex stories, I hear enough of that when you’re over, babe”

You huff and changbins cheeks turn red.

“you guys are fucking?” minho asks, eyebrows raised as he takes a swing of his beer.

“good job keeping up, baby” jisung pats his boyfriends thigh teasingly at which he tsks at him.

“are you together or what?” minho props his elbow on the table to support his chin with his hand as he looks at the two of you expectantly.

“no, we’re not” you chuckle somewhat uncomfortably before looking over at changbin who just grins awkwardly.

“just here to be a good friend and keep the groupies away” you joke “right?” you nudge changbin with your elbow at which he nods swiftly, looking down again.

“yea, baby don’t be so old fashioned” jisung teases his boyfriend who just rolls his eyes playfully.

“speaking of groupies” minho mutters, spotting a group of girls just before they approach the lounge.

“hey jisungie, you wanna dance?” a pretty blonde girl bats her eyelashes as she leans down a bit to expose more of her cleavage, making jisung grin.

“baby, you’re gorgeous but I’m very gay” he nods apologetically, “Oh” she straightens up “really? You sure?”

You and changbin have to bite back a laugh when jisung nods again “very sure, thanks though, for coming”

She shrugs and looks at changbin “what about you? Wanna dance?”

“uh-“ changbin starts but you cut him off “he’s with me actually” you tilt your head.

“for real?” she stems her hands into her hips as she looks back at her posse, scoffing.

“yea” changbin loops his strong arm around your waist and pulls you closer to him “that’s my girl, so a little respect, please”

“aww” you coo dramatically as you play along, putting your hand on his jaw to turn his head towards you before you lock lips.

“whatever” you faintly hear the girls voice get quieter when changbin slips his tongue in between your lips.

“they’re gone” you hear minho but changbin pulls your legs to dangle over one of his thighs as he grips your waist.

“guys” jisungs voice only registers in the back of your head when changbin sucks at your bottom lip and you run your fingers through the hair on the back of his head.

“can I get you some more beers?” the waitresses voice pulls the both of you out of your trance as you break the kiss abruptly.

Jisung laughs, shaking his head at the both of you before turning to the waitress “we’ll take a round of shots I think”

November

“fuck-harder” you gasp “..mhh binnie-shit” you moan while changbin pounds into you from behind, gripping your hip tighter with one of his hands; the other one migrating up your back to gather the legth of your hair, twisting them before he pulls at their root.

You groan when you feel your hair getting pulled back, neck stretching as he picks up his pace.

“like this? fuck you love this don’t you?” he breaths ragged, but you can hear the dirty smirk that lingers on his lips every time you have rough sex..

You moan out loudly when he releases your hair and pushes your torso down onto the mattress, your hand pulling at the sheets , needing something to grip and release the pleasure.

“fuck- answer me, slut” he grunts and delivers a harsh slap to your ass.

You cry out “yes-yes-fuck-love it” you desperately gasp as he leans down to you, earning a low chuckle which sends shivers down your back.

His lips latch onto your shoulder blade and start sucking on the skin until a purple mark blooms under his lips.

“fuck” you let out a strangled yell when the hand on your hip makes its way to your front and he started circling your clit with his fingers, the pace and firmness matching his thrusts.

You cry out for him as you clench furiously around his cock “that’s a good girl” he whispers, only letting go of your clit when you flinch in overstimulation.

“cum for me- fuck baby, cum for me and let the others know who’s fucking you this good” he rasps in your ear. Not 5 seconds later, your orgasm ripples through you and you would’ve collapsed completely if he wasn’t holding you up.

You’re still panting when both of his hands go back on your hips and push them down, laying you flat on the mattress before he picks up his pace again with his last left strength to reach his own high.

“shit- y/n“ he grunts when you tighten around him again and you feel him filling the condom with some drawn out groans and a sharp hiss.

After a few seconds of nothing but heavy breathing filling the room, he pulls out and falls next to you on his bed.

You wince at the soreness that’s already presenting itself when you turn around on your back, looking over to him; you watch as he ties a knot in the condom and throws it into the trash next to his desk.

“kobe!” he exclaims gleefully at his perfect throw before looking back at you to see if you saw.

“jesus christ why am I sleeping with you” you hold your hands over your face, hating the fact that it made you laugh.

He gasps, feigning to be offended “that’s not how you speak to the guy that just made you cum three times”

“you are so full of yourself, seo changbin” you shake your head amusedly as you sit up.

“wait, I’ll clean you up” changbin is quick to rise from his comfortable position to grab some tissues from his nightstand.

“come here” he mumbles, gently urging you to lie back down before carefully wiping your own cum off your inner thighs and mound.

You watch him as he gently moves to wipe the tissue over your puffy folds, your hips jumping a little when he accidentally passes your clit.

“sorry” he grins, pressing a kiss to your angled knee; at which you feel your heart lurch forward a bit.

Woah, wait.

You’ve been seeing changbin just for sex for almost two months now, you’ve even gone with him other performances and after parties to keep groupies away and be his arm candy and never has your heart done this.

Mayday. Abort mission.

“should be good for now” changbin shrugs, shooting you a sweet smile before turning away from you to also get rid of the tissues.

You use the opportunity to shuffle to the side of his bed and slip on your panties before grabbing your bra.

“hey, you wanna leave already?” changbin asks “I thought we could hang” he tucks his hand under his head as you look back at him, clipping your bra closed “watch a movie or something”

“sorry, I promised lia I’d help her clean the apartment today” you lie, surprisingly quick, before pulling your hoodie over your head.

“so you’re just gonna fuck me and leave again?” he jokes dramatically “I don’t even get cuddles?”

“shut up” you chuckle.

“am I nothing more to you than a pretty piece of meat?” he continues as you slip into your jeans, rolling your eyes playfully.

“a toy you use when you need stress relief??” he holds his chest dramatically.

You step into your shoes and raise your brows at him.

“are you complaining?” you ask playfully.

“nahh” he pulls his covers over his abs as he watches you grab your jacket from his desk chair.

"At least give me a 'gopdbye, thanks for the bomb dick, kiss" He grins when you scoff at him. So, you lean over him and press a quick peck to his lips; he whines playfully when you lean back up again, sitting up and catching your lips with his roughly once more.

“alright, see ya” you shrug."

And shit, your heart does it again. What are you doing?

You break the kiss and ruffle through his hair.

“ugh” he huffs annoyedly, fixing his hair “I hope you have trouble walking” he quips as you go for the door.

“I’ll text you if I don’t” you wink at him before closing his door, leaning against it from the outside and closing your eyes.

“fuck” you whisper to yourself before making your way through the guys apartment.

“don’t break his heart, y/n” minhos voie comes from behind as you twist the doorknob.

“huh?” you trun around to look at him, he’s wearing a shirt that you know to be jisungs so he must be staying over.

“I’ve known changbin for a while, he seems tough but he’s a softie deep down” he crosses his arms over his chest “he hurts easier than you think”

“we- we’re both not in this for anything serious” you stammer “what do you mean?”

“I see the way he looks at you, y/n” minho smiles softly “I’m not telling you how to live your life, just, be honest with him… and yourself for that matter” he quirks one brow up, smiling before disappearing around the corner.

You squint your eyes as you’re trying to make out the label of the cereal boxes in the upper shelves, looking back at your phone you check to see what brand lia had texted you about so you don’t accidentally buy the wrong thing.

“fuck” you mumble when you see her desired cereal at the top of the shelf, so you reach up but to no avail.

“y/n?” you lower your heels to the floor again before turning around to see…

“hyunjin?” you face drops in awe.

“hey!” the tall young man smiles widely, opening his arms and inviting you to a hug.

“wow, hi” you hug him back.

Damn, what happened to him? The last time you saw him was before he moved away in 10th grade.

You used to be good friends with him, or, well, the freakishly skinny and lanky highschool version of him you met in dance class.

By the feel of it, even through the trenchcoat he’s wearing, you can tell he’s bulked up quite a bit.

After letting go of him, you cant help but stare.

His acne had cleared up and his brown hair is chin length with the top parts pulled back into a little pony tail, leaving some face framing strands in the front.

“wow- you look-“ you blink a few times to make sure you’re not dreaming “…really good, hyunjin”

He smiles on the ground, his pretty plump lips parting to reveal beautiful pearly whites which used to be covered by braces.

“so do you” he grins.

“no- I mean you look… good-good” you splutter, laughing awkwardly “like what are you a model now or something?”

“actually, yea- part time” he chuckles.

“oh” you huff “wow of course” you shake your head laughingly, blushing furiously when he doesn’t break eye contact.

“so- uhm” you gulp, making him grin even wider “what are you doing here?”

“I’m transferring here” he nods “better dance programme” he explains shortly.

“oh you still dance” you observe out loud “I haven’t danced in a while” you look down.

“you should come by after practice sometime” he offers “to catch up- or dance if you want” he giggles, a little dimple appearing on his left cheek.

“yea, I’d love that” you smile, nodding before he takes out his phone.

“put in your number, I’ll text you” he smiles softly when holding it out to you.

“mhm” you agree, saving your number in his phone and trying not to think about him staring at you the whole time.

“alright well” he checks his phone for the time, you guess “I gotta get going, only came here for this” he chuckles, holding up a carton of milk that you, weirdly enough, haven’t noticed until now.

“alright” you nod before he moves in for a hug again.

“bye” he smiles when loosening his arms again.

“bye” you mumble, staring at the back of his perfect head as he walks away.

You were about to pull out your phone and rant to lia about what just happened, when he stops in his tracks and turns around.

“almost forgot” he grins, reaching up and getting your cereal from the top shelf; winking when he places it in your hands, your body freezing.

“bye” he grins, walking away before you could thank him.

You had taken hyunjin up on his offer and met him in the dance studio after class where he showed you some of his contemporary pieces before you made your way to the popular coffee shop on campus together.

“-no seriously the second piece was my favourite I think, but they were all amazing!” you smile up at him at which he shakes his head cutely.

“can you stop complimenting me, y/n I’m getting all nervous” he laughs softly.

“oh please” you quip “with your talent and looks I would think nothing could make you nervous” you roll your eyes playfully.

Hyunjin huffs, opening the coffee shops door for you “you can” he says softly as you walk past him, you turn around to him to see him blush a litte but diverting his eyes to the big menu above the counter.

Did he just flirt with you? No, you must be tripping.

You look around to see only two other people sitting in one of the booths together, the cold must keep most people home, you think before hyunjin gently pulls at your sleeve to get your attention.

“what do you want?” he asks, the barista looking at you expectantly.

“uhm- a hot chocolate please” you say, reaching in your purse to get your wallet.

“I’ll take the same” hyunjin smiles politely, giving the barista money.

“on me” he smiles down at you.

“oh, thank you” you smile sheepishly, letting go of your purse again.

Once your hot chocolates are ready, you sit down in one of the booths, hyunjin sliding in to sit across from you.

“I was back home last week before I came here, you’ll never guess who I met” hyunjin grins.

“who?” you ask curiously.

“tim” he grins.

“tim?” your eyes almost pop out of your head “as in my first boyfriend tim?” you laugh, holding your hand to your face incredulously.

“but he moved away as well?” you half ask.

“yea he said he was visiting his grandparents, but guess the best part” hyunjin bites his lip

“what?” you chuckle.

“he got a nose job” hyunjin bites back a laugh when you gasp surprisedly “really?”

“one word” hyunjin says “botched…”

“aw no, poor tim” you frown, looking down at your hot drink as memories from back in the day come back to you.

“he always used to put his hand up my shirt when hugging” you frown, making hyunjin laugh.

“it was 9th grade y/n what did you expect?” you scoff at his rethorical question.

“I don’t know, some basic manners maybe?” you counter playfully…slowly letting the conversation die down as you both take sips from your cocoa.

“how come we never dated?” he asks softly after aminute of silence, looking up at you.

“we were friends?” you chuckle awkwardly.

“come on” hyunjin sits back in his booth “you must’ve known I had the biggest crush on you”

“you did?” you almost launch forwards in your seat, making hyunjin laugh.

“well, I guess you didn’t know then” he giggles, hiding his face in his hands embarrassedly.

“anyways, I would’ve paid good money to be able to slip my hand up your shirt” he jokes, cheeks reddening when you laugh.

“I honestly liked you a lot back then” you say “if you would’ve said something we might’ve actually gone out” you shrug gently.

“damn, way to rub that in my face” hyunjin grins.

You hold his eye contact for a few seconds before you feel your blood rushing to your cheeks again, quickly lifting up your mug to take a sip and partly cover your face.

When you put your mug back down, hyunjin grins widely, mumbling a “cute” before slowly bringing his hand to your chin and gently swiping his thumb over your top lip where a foam mustache had formed.

You gulp when he swiftly sucks the foam off his thumb, your eyes darting from his eyes to his lips.

When he notices, he leans over, slowly as if scared to overwhelm you.

That’s when minhos words pop up in the back of your head.

“be honest with him, and yourself for that matter”

But you aren’t together, and hyunjin is great and you want to kiss him but you know it would be wrong.

However, before you know it his lips are on yours and you’re not doing anything to stop him.

They are soft and inviting and you let him swipe his tongue over the seam of your lips, but then the little doorbell rings and you hear lias voice, followed by a male one before they abruptly stop, making you pull away abruptly.

Oh.

There they are, lia, chan, jisung and changbin; looking at you.

“y/n” lia grins widely, approaching your table “aren’t you gonna introduce us?” she squeals, hyunjin clears his throat and sits back down.

The three guys hesitantly follow lia when-

“woah- hyunjin?” chan speaks up.

“chan-hyung?” hyunjin gets up from his place to receive a hug from the older one as your eyes divert to changbin who is looking at the ground.

You aren’t together. Then why do you feel so guilty and why does he look so disappointed.

“he’s cute, girl” jisung grinningly interrupts your daydreaming, nodding towards chan and hyunjin who are still talking.

You force out a smile.

“how do you two know each other?” lia asks curiously.

“he went to my highschool, the last few years” chan grins.

“what a coincidence” you mumble, almost ironically.

“I went to highschool with y/n too, the first couple years though, then I moved away” hyunjin explains “oh, im sorry, I’m hyunjin by the way” he turns to jisung and changbin.

“I’m jisung, this is changbin” jisung smiles, pointing at his grumpy friend.

“I’m lia” lia grins “his girlfriend and her best friend” she points at chan before snuggling up to you, giggling.

Jesus, woman where do you get the energy? Is what you want to ask but you just flash another forced smile, hoping this moment will pass quickly.

“where were you guys?” you change the topic, hoping changbin would maybe look at you if you spoke up.

“oh, I caught them all huddled up in the studio” lia grins “they probably haven’t been outside in a week again” she giggles.

“true” jisung quips.

“hey lets all sit down” hyunjin suggests.

“I’ll get a coffee” changbin mumbles, walking back to the counter.

You usher lia to make way for you to get out of the booth, following him.

“bin” you stand next to him as he looks up at the menu but he ignores you.

“you could at least acknowledge my presence, your highness” you quip annoyedly.

“what do you want me to say, y/n?” he mutters.

“I didn’t know this would happen with him or I would’ve told you” you say, looking back at the other four talking and laughing in the booth.

“we’re not together y/n, you’ve made that very clear; if you wanna kiss lord farquaad go ahead, I’m not stopping you” he looks over to the booth as well.

“jesus christ” you huff “why are you so defensive then?”

“hi” changbin greets the barista who just came from the back “I’ll have an iced coffee to go, please” he orders.

“the world doesn’t revolve around you y/n, maybe I’m having a bad day” he answers when the barista makes his way to the coffee machines, you feel a lump from in your throat.

“yea, well thanks for making mine bad as well” you turn on your heels to join the others, hyunjin sees you coming back and scooches to make some space for you next to him.

You smile and thank him quietly when he also gives you your mug.

“everything alright?” he asks quietly, as to not disturb the others conversation.

“yea, just had to ask him some stuff” you smile at which he smiles back, turning back to the others.

After a minute changbin approaches the booth with his iced coffee “hey, I’ll run back to the studio I gotta finish that track”

“ugh, changbin I just dragged you out of there, stay for a second” lia protests and jisung nods along.

“nah, gotta get it done tonight” he shakes his head.

“alight see you later” chan nods.

“nice to meet you, man” hyunjin says, nodding at him as well.

“yea” changbin answers tight-lipped before walking out.

December

”I’m sorry, hyunjin” you frown “I’m just not ready for a relationship after what happened with my ex-“

“its alright y/n” his large hand encases yours “you don’t have to explain yourself to me”

You sigh in relief “I’m sorry I tried to rush things, it just, seemed to good to be true to find you here and everything” he says.

“but I’ll wait for you, if that’s what you want” he looks up at you.

“oh, jinnie you shouldn’t have to do that” you shake your head “I’m sure there are great girls out there who are emotionally ready to be with you”

“yea, but you’re the girl I want to be with” he says softly and your heart shatters into pieces because you’re not sure he’s the guy you want to be with.

You fight yourself through the crowd at 3rachas last performance of the year, at the same venue where you met them for the first time. Just like the time before, chan makes sure lia, hyunjin, minho and you are able to come backstage.

“I’m excited to see you perform, man” hyunjin grins at chan, patting his shoulder “your stuff was already dope back then…” they continue speaking as you enter their dressing room.

Jisung greets his boyfriend as you and lia sit down on the leather couch.

Changbin is standing in front of the mirror, fixing his hair before his eyes lock with yours through the mirror, but he just diverts them to chan who’s grabbing a beer for hyunjin and himself, you guess.

“did you have to invite him?” changbin semi-whispers to the older one, nodding at hyunjin, chan just frowns confusedly,making changbin shake his head and walk out.

You look at hyunjin who is talking to minho and jisung, and doesn’t seem to have heard changbin. So, you get up to follow him out but lia holds your wrist “y/n you cant keep running after him” she hisses.

“he cant keep treating me like im invisible, I just want to clear the air” you free your arm and walk out to see changbin almost at the end of the corridor, walking out of a heavy door which, you think leads outside.

After reaching the door you open it to find him outside, leaning against the brick wall of the building, looking down at his phone.

The cold air hits your skin and you shiver, only wearing a top and some jeans since its warm in the club.

Changbin notices you and looks up “what do you want, y/n?” he asks.

“that was real classy back there” you comment, holding your arms to your body to preserve some warmth. Changbin huffs, unfazed as he looks back at his phone “whatever, y/n”

“no, not whatever bin” you step closer to him “he asked me to date him” his head shoots up and you lock eyes, for a second they are soft in the way they look into yours but something changes and they turn mean when he speaks again.

“so? that’s a you proplem” he shrugs.

“its not a problem at all, he’s sweet and loving and cares about me but for some reason im standing here, hoping that you’ll give me a reason to not be with him” you feel your throat closing up with anger mixed with confusion when he starts chuckling.

“you’re not serious are you?” he squints and your heart drops, tears pooling at your lashline.

“of course not, I couldn’t expect someone as stubborn and- and comunicationally incompetent like you to understand anything about feelings” you turn on your heels when a teardrop rolls down your cheek.

A hand wraps itself around your wrist, making you turn back “I’ve wanted to be with you since that moment in the club where you kissed me infront of all these girls. It was always you who was stubborn y/n, you never wanted to spend anymore time with me other than fucking” he snaps at you, taking a breather to start another sentence but you cut him off.

“-then why didn’t you say anything?” you ask quietly and he looks down.

“because- fuck” he lets go of your wrist “I didn’t want to scare you away, you in my bed was better than no you at all. But then fucking prince charming appears out of no where and sweeps you off your feet-”

“but I don’t want prince charming I want you” you blurt out, tears now streaming down your face, making him take a step back as his eyes soften.

“then why didn’t you say anything?” a small smile tugs at his lips as he closes the distance between you, gently running his hands up your arms, feeling the goosebumps brought on by the cold.

You huff, looking down and watching one of your teardrops melting a tiny hole into the snow before looking back up “because I’m stubborn and comunicationally incompetent” you sniffle “and stupid apparently”

A grin spreads over changbins face as his hands cradle your cheeks, wiping your tears away with his thumbs “so, you wanna be stubborn and stupid together?” he whispers, locking eyes with you.

You press your lips together, trying to keep yourself from sobbing even more as you nod.

He chuckles softly ”you can stop crying now, baby” at which you nod beathing in shakily but smiling when he pushes some hair out of your face.

“can you kiss me now please” you sniffle whiningly, huffing in a laugh when he pulls a face.

“i dont know babe, you’re a little snotty right now-” he jokes.

“shut up” you hit him, chuckling when he pulls you even closer by your waist and gently connects his lips with yours.

A soft wind blows through your hair and you loop your arms around his neck even tighter, deepening the kiss at which he moans, holding your waist tighter to his body.

The door creaks open and “are you guys finally together?” minhos voice makes you break the kiss.

“yea” you grin when jisung comes out after his boyfriend.

“nice” he grins, nodding at you.

“yea yea nice, beautiful love whatever, hyung we’re up, lets go” jisung rambles, laughing and running back inside when changbin pretends to hit him, minho shaking his head and following him.

“you’ll watch me yea?” your boyfriend grins at you, taking your hand and planting a kiss on the back of it.

“from the front row, baby”

a/n: omg im finally done wth this took me so long yall, i started writing this sin september (which is why the fic starts in september as well lol) sorry about the winterly feelings i’m pushing onto you in the end but last week it literally snowed where i live so i was like uh?!?!?!? okay lets write some snowy shit, global warming ftw i guess....anyways i hope u liked it pls leave some feedback and/or ur favourite part ig lol i would appreciate it alot <33 (not proofred yet oopsie)

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taglist: @kpopscape @oopsie-whats-this @zhaqifa @synnocence @changlix-mp4 + some besties who always inspire me wether they know it or not😭 @bangtantaegi @hanflix @bruh-changbin @hyunyin @yyxgin @hyunsluvv @unstableskzstan @violethhj @missskzbiased @cartierbin @dom--minnie

#kpopscape #skz #stray kids smut #skz smut #stray kids #changbin #seo changbin #seo changbin smut #changbin smut #zephyr

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yesttoheaven · 4 years ago

Text

I SEE YOU – chapter IV

pairing – arthur fleck x female!reader

wc – 2.3k

warnings – idk... misty being a b*tch with arthur?

a/n – hi everyone! I hope you are well because I'm brazilian and I cannot say the same lol the president is a piece of shit and he can't rule the country in the middle of a pandemic (not even without the pandemic, in fact)

anyway enjoy the chapter!

English is not my first language. I am getting help from google translator and he is not always a good ally, so I apologize for any typos or grammar errors.

Y/N – your name

chapter one. chapter two.

chapter three. chapter four.

"What are you doing here, Misty?" The surprise was notable in Y/N's words.

Many people could walk through that door, but Misty was definitely not one of them.

"I should ask you the same question..." The woman came over and put her hands on the actress' shoulders, smiling amiably. "But we don't have time for that right now. You have a dinner to go! And it is not right to keep a man like Charles waiting."

"Charles?" Arthur asked, trying to find a way to join the conversation. "Is he also an actor?"

After these simple words, the redhead burst out laughing and Arthur didn't understand what he had done wrong this time. He was just curious and a little interested to know who was the man who had a date with Y/N that night.

"Actor? God, have you never heard of Charles Lewis Tiffany?" Misty questioned how if the fact that Arthur didn’t know the man was an offense to humanity and Arthur just shook his head, too embarrassed to say anything else.

Who the hell was this man? The Pope? And why did Y/N have a dinner with Pope?

"It's okay, Arthur." Always so graceful, the actress reassured him and left Misty's side to be close to him. "Charles owns Tiffany & Co., the one that appears in the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's... Have you watched this movie before?"

"Oh, oftentimes!"

"Me either! And now Charles wants me to be the face of his new collection! I'm so excited, he came to Gotham just to follow it up in person!" The happiness shining in her eyes was contagious, but Misty didn’t like seeing Y/N squeeze the man’s arm gently.

"I hate to have to do this... the conversation is so pleasant, but we have to go, mon cher." With a smile, Y/N's manager adjusted the bag on her shoulder. She wanted to take the actress away from this freak as soon as possible.

"You cannot go without the VHS tape." Arthur objected, receiving a death glare from Misty, but the only thing that mattered to him was Y/N. "I'll get this for you." After these words, the man left the living room with a reason to make her stay a little longer in his apartment.

"Well, I think we're going to have to wait." Y/N shrugged, but inside she was beaming.

Feeling her mouth dry, she picked up the glass of water on the table, but that was her worst mistake.

"What are you doing? Don't drink this! That dirty glass is full of germs!" The glass was snatched from her hand and Y/N looked at Misty in disbelief.

"That glass is not dirty, Misty."

"How can you be sure of that? I heard that the Narrows sewer is one of the worst in Gotham!"

"Thanks for the lesson, but that didn’t come from the Narrows sewer. This water is from the kitchen tap."

"Oh my God..." The actress could have sworn that the woman's face turned green and she would vomit at any moment. "Why did you drink this? You'll be sick!"

Before Y/N had a chance to respond to these insanities, someone called her. She ran over to the bag and took out her cell phone. It was Charles.

"Hey, Charles! It's good to talk to you." On the other side, all she received were strange noises. The man's voice was being cut off and it was difficult to understand. "The connection is awful..."

"Why am I not surprised? Narrows is the end of the world!" Misty commented, rolling her eyes.

Without time for this discussion, Y/N said:

"Maybe in the corridor I will get a better signal."

"Be careful, you don't know what kind of neighbors there are in this place." She warned, listening to the door open and close, but Y/N said nothing.

Alone in the living room, Misty had the same disgusted look as when she arrived. For her this apartment is small even for an ant and this wallpaper is ridiculous, but in the midst of so much poverty, something on the couch attracted her attention.

"What do we have right here? I don't believe he has a diary..." The woman whispers to herself, laughing, after picking up Arthur's journal. She knew it was wrong, but she was bored.

The first few pages were OK, he had a shitty life like any other unfortunate person, but what came next scared the hell out of her. Misty knew there was something wrong with this man. The instant she saw him, she knew, but that... those words... were from a sick person. Arthur was a disgusting pervert. The redhead needed a moment to breathe and then she saw the magazines on the table and an scissors...

Oh no. He intends to include Y/N in this depravity show!

"I finally found." With bright eyes, Arthur looked for Y/N in the living room, but all he found was Misty... and his journal. "W-What... What are you d-doing?"

"Stay away from me!" She exclaimed, backing away for fear that he would do something against her. "I swear, if you get close I'll scream so loud and when Y/N comes through that door, I will tell her your little secret. She will be so disappointed, but she will finally find out who you really are... A perv!"

"N-No, please... You got it wrong." He tried, his voice taking on a desperate tone. Arthur didn't want to lose the actress's friendship. She was too important for him. "I c-can explain."

"Oh, can you explain? You will glue Y/N's head to a cat's body and then you will sit on that old sofa and touch yourself? You should be in Arkham! You're a sick person! I can't believe Y/N was alone with you..."

Arthur felt his stomach churning.

"You're wrong... I have a lot of respect for her. Y/N is special to me and I would never do something like that."

"I don't want to hear your excuses!" The woman threw the journal at him and Arthur cringed like a frightened dog. After hitting him on the back, the journal fell to the floor and when he saw those collages, he felt ashamed of himself. "Listen to me... I will say this only once: Stay away from her. It doesn’t matter what kind of fantasies you’ve created in your sick head, Y/N will not be a part of that. If I know that after today you keep talking to her, I'll call the police and when they find out you're a fucking perv, you will spend the rest of your days in Arkham." She warned with all the letters and threats, now it was up to him to choose to cooperate or not. This man is too old to play being a teenager. These images of naked women, these cats and those sad quotes in his journal prove just one thing. Maybe he's a sexual predator, but Misty wouldn't be here to find that out either. "Enjoy your pornography and leave Y/N alone. I hope I never see you again."

Arthur saw his world fall apart as soon as the redhead left his apartment with the worst assumptions about him. He was not a perverted monster. He would never touch Y/N without her consent and would never endanger her life. Never ever. Y/N was the only good thing about Gotham; she was a light at the end of the tunnel. So angelic and peaceful. Whenever she smiles, butterflies appear in his stomach and Arthur knows what these famous butterflies mean, but he doesn't know what those collages mean... If Y/N knew, she would probably be afraid of him.

In the corridor, the actress was trapped in a bubble, talking animatedly with Charles. The call had no specific reason, the man just wanted to make sure everything was fine for dinner that night.

"Okay... This is one of Gotham's best restaurants. Trust me, you will love the place!" She assured him, intending to make a good impression. It wasn't every day that she got a chance to dine with the genius behind Tiffany & Co. and represent that brand. This was an important step in her career. "Now I need to go, Charles. See you soon, bye!" Y/N hummed the ending, watching Misty approach where she was. "Why are you here?"

"It's just your friend's mom. She's not feeling very well..."

"Isn't Penny okay?" Concern crossed Y/N's face and she tried to get back to apartment 8J, but Misty took her arm, lying again:

"Y/N, don't be indiscreet. This is a family problem and Arthur is taking care of it." With those words, she guided the actress to the elevator, but Y/N kept looking at the door to Arthur's apartment. "You need to prepare for dinner... I chose a beautiful dress for you."

...

THREE DAYS LATER

"Put red on her lips... Don't forget the mascara... and on the cheeks use this blush... Not this one! The peach blush!"

It was possible to say that Charles Lewis Tiffany was taking the place of the makeup artist. The woman was losing patience, Y/N realized this, but he wanted to participate in every second of it. When she finished, Charles smiled, admiring Y/N's beauty through the mirror.

"You see? You're genuinely beautiful... I think I finally found my muse." The actress was flattered by the compliments and that reflected in her smile when Charles took a blue box, but this was not a simple blue box. This is the famous Tiffany Blue Box. "I want you to meet my new creation..." He opened the box, stealing Y/N's breath instantly. "Dramatically plunging down the decolletage, an incredible emerald-cut bicolor zoisite that shifts from violet-blue to purplish-red, depending on the angle. The pendant is over 48 carats and it's wrapped in a halo of baguette diamonds and suspended from a diamond rondelle chain of over 37 total carats."

"Oh Charles, this is absolutely beautiful. I'm speechless..." She confessed, watching him take the necklace and offer to put it around her neck. Y/N accepted immediately and when the pendant touched the white fabric of the dress, she smiled at the mirror.

"Diamonds are a girl's best friend" Charles whispered, eliciting a giggle from her. "Now I need to speak to the photographer, but take a few minutes to prepare yourself." The man smiled one last time and Y/N walked to the door, opening it for him. She took the opportunity to spy on what was happening on the other side and it was possible to say that there was a little sadness in her eyes.

"What are you looking for?" Misty's voice echoed and she closed the door quickly.

"Huh... nothing!"

The woman was checking the contract – something about image authorization – and when she took her eyes off the papers, she found Y/N with a half-hearted smile.

"Go ahead... Spill the tea."

Brian was probably smoking, so Misty was her only option.

"Arthur was busy these days, but he called me this morning... He looked nervous and said he would like to talk to me, so I invited him to accompany the photoshoot, but..."

"You did what?!" Misty left the chair, interrupting her. Not wanting to start a scene, the redhead looked at Dariela, the makeup artist, and said: "Get out." The woman immediately stopped organizing her makeup and ran out of the dressing room.

"Was that necessary?" Y/N asked, crossing her arms.

"And was it necessary to invite that maniac to come here too?"

"Jesus, Misty!" She walked to the other side of the dressing room. "Manic? Really?"

"I'm just telling the truth."

"Based on what? His bank account?"

"Based on his journal." Misty replied and the actress looked in her direction with a frown. Shaking her head, the redhead let out a bitter laugh before confessing: "He doesn't use it just to write jokes... I found a lot of pornography on those pages."

Y/N felt a little uncomfortable with that. Certain things do not need to be exposed... She didn't need to know about that part of Arthur's life and Misty just invaded his privacy.

"Well... many men consume pornography daily."

"Y/N, pornography is not the point here. He makes some weird collages... women with cat heads... skulls... one of these women was tied up in a compromising position... Can you see how problematic this is?" Misty was trying to open her eyes and consequently was scaring the actress, but that was not all. "I saw the magazines. That man will probably do the same to you... your face on the body of these naked women or on a cat's body! You have always been uncomfortable with the way men see you only as a sex symbol... and now Arthur is using you as a sex toy!"

"Stop! Just stop, okay?" Y/N demanded, using an edgy tone of voice. That was too much for her to assimilate. "You're saying this because you do not accept the idea of Arthur being my friend! All that matters to you is status, but it doesn't matter to me! When are you going to let me live my own life?"

"This is not about social classes, this man is a pervert! I'm trying to protect you!"

"Enough, Misty!" That was enough to make the redhead shut up and Y/N found her way back to the mirror.

To complete the look, inside the blue box was a beautiful diamond ring and a pair of shiny round diamond earrings, just waiting for her. Putting on the ring was an easy task, but she couldn’t say the same about earrings; her hands were shaking and this is all the fault of the stress.

"Let me help you." The manager approached and at first Y/N refused her help, but after another failed attempt, she handed the earrings to the woman. "I know I can be a bitch sometimes..."

"Sometimes?"

Misty just sighed, shaking her head.

~~~~~~~▪~~~~~~~~~▪~~~~~~~~~▪~~~~~~~~~~

a/n – likes and reblogs are appreciated but honestly I’d love to know what you all think of this one. really hope you enjoy it and thank you soooo much for reading ♡

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it-was-all-a-beautiful-dream · 4 years ago

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Going, Going, Gone (Spencer Reid x Reader) Chapter 5

Warnings: Mentions of death and injury/much angst

Word Count: 2k

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-Spencers POV-

His heart stopped. There she was. Right there, if only he could climb through the screen and grab her, shielding her from further harm. He was angry, she looked so small, from what he could make out on the screen you were tied to a bed, bound by chains, blood and wounds scattered in different shapes and sizes over your almost naked body.

Spencer heard a gasp from behind him, turning he noticed JJ staring at the screen seeing exactly what he was. He didn’t have time to deal with peoples feelings, he just needed to figure out where his girl was and quickly. Emily had joined him back at the laptop.

“Oh my god.” Her voice was full of panic and hate. Then her eyes went wide when she heard Rossi’s voice travelling up the attic stairs.

“Spencer, did you find anything yet.” Spence turned to look at the man and then back at the screen, angling his body so it was in front of Rossi’s line of sight. Emily was trying to get him to go back down stairs but he was having none of it, pushing passed her to get to the source of the commotion. Spencer couldn’t bare to listen to the angry cries of his colleague, the angry, broken cries of a father. He was too focused on taking in everything he could, trying to look passed your broken and beaten down, still breathing body, to figure out if there was anything to lead them to you.

Spencer hit a button on his mobile, a direct line to Garcia who was anxiously waiting for anything back at her cyber lab.

“Go boy wonder what have you got for me.” Penelope’s joking voice faltered when Spencer informed her of their findings. He sent the video clip of Y/N over to Penelope to analyse further. Her voice quivering as she promised Spencer she’d be found.

Spencer took a look at the screen again, noticing marks up the algae covered walls. They were water marks, which told you how high the water sometimes flooded inside the building. He let Garcia know so she could narrow her search to a building that would be underground near water and it took her mere seconds to come back with a location.

“It’s an old underground bunker, the Unsubs father was some kind of doomsday preparation nut, it’s next to the Teal River, i’ve sent the exact location to your phones.” The team were out the door in seconds, hoping and praying that this is where they would find you alive. They needed to find you alive.

“Were coming for you sweetheart just hold on, were coming.” In that moment Spencer did something he never did, he prayed.

-Un-Subs POV-

“It’s almost time. Almost time to get rid of the girl. She put up a bigger fight than I thought she would. A few more stab wounds and cuts aught to do the trick, let her die slowly in her cell, die slowly just like my girl did. They will pay, they will all pay.”

-Your POV-

You coughed. You could hear that your breathing was getting worse and it felt like the air was slowly being sucked out of you. You knew you didn’t have long left. You would have liked to cry, feel sorry for yourself, for the fact that you’d never have a future with Spence, never see your father again and never see the team you called family again, but you were too dehydrated and your body couldn’t even function enough to produce a single drop. You slumped against the sticky cold wall, dry blood smeared across your face and in your hair. Your leg was still bleeding but you’d managed to stop it slightly by using some dirty cloth from the mattress you were sitting on. An infected leg was better than bleeding out.

Your eyes closed and you thought about Spencer. How his mind would be working over time trying to piece together the clues and find you before you met your demise. You wanted to believe they would find you in time but your hope was slowly fading away with your consciousness.

You thought about your father and how he’d been in the BAU for so long, founded it with your godfather Gideon, how it was basically his whole life, as well as you. You hoped that when you were gone he’d be able to move on, that he wouldn’t hurt for too long and hopefully one day he’d re-marry, god knows he could use a strong woman in his life after your mum died.

You thought about your friends.. family at the BAU. Your best friend Luke Alvez who treated you more like a little sister, always taking you under his wing and giving you advice even when you didn’t need it. You hoped he’d stay at the BAU, that if you died, it wouldn’t effect him too much and he’d be able to get back to some kind of normal life. You wish there was a way to tell him he could have your baseball card collection, he’d always wanted it. You laughed a little, a sad laugh, already grieving for the people you were going to lose. Thinking about all the things you still wanted to do in life. They say that when you die you life flashes before your eyes, they were wrong. It’s before that, it plays through your head like a movie, going over all the things you’d never get to see.

In your mind you pictured what your wedding day would be like. Spencer would want a small wedding full of close family and friends and you’d agree. The perfect setting your fathers large back garden, flowers everywhere, surrounded by the people you love. The gentle exchanging of rings and the kiss he would give you that would still make your toes curl even when you were old and grey.

Children. You wanted at least 4. You wanted so many children with Spencer because you knew he’d make the most amazing father, even if he’d be scared they’d carry the gene for schizophrenia. They’d have his curly hair and your eye colour, his calmness and his smarts while they had your artistic nature and kindness. They’d love to stay with Grandpa, who would tell them all kinds of stories of his time in the FBI, obviously leaving out the heavy stuff. Your friends would come over and you’d always have big dinners and get togethers, BBQ’s in the summer, your lives full of life and laughter and there would always be him. Right by your side. Your Spencer. You’d grow old together, still love each other as hard as you do now. Until your last breath. You pictured going out like the scene in the notebook, old and in each others arms. The world would always be right, if you had your Spencer Reid.

You could feel your breathing slowing, the sound of heavy footsteps running down the echoing corridor. It was too late. You were sure the Un-sub was coming to finish you off once and for all, leave you somewhere for your family to find, another body in another case the BAU would eventually solve. But it was too late for you. The door swung open and your eyes closed. The pain was gone and so were the chances of seeing your Spence one last time.

-Spencers POV-

The SUV’s came to a screeching halt outside the bunker. There was a gravelled path that lead towards the doors that were hidden behind shrubs. It was one of those lucky by chance things, the team arrived and the Un-sub was outside, about to go into the bunker. While Prentiss and JJ read him his rights and stuck him in the back of the car, Spencer, Rossi and Luke threw open the metal doors and made their way inside cautiously. Spencer wanted to throw all caution to the wind. Guaranteed the two other men he was with wanted to as well. All they wanted to do was get their girl back. But sometimes looks could be deceiving and more danger could be lurking up ahead. In this case, there wasn’t.

Spencer ran down the long echoing corridor, medics behind him. The cells were empty apart from one.

“Y/N! Y/N! Can you hear me? Were here Darling just hold on okay, i’m here baby i’m here.” Spencers voice was full of panic as the three men used all their strength to open the tightly sealed bunker door. Spencer could faintly see through the porthole door, the grime and condensation obstructing his view slightly. You weren’t moving. He started to panic even more and when the door hissed and flung open it was if the world was moving in slow motion.

You were pale, eyes closed, dry blood across your practically naked body. Dirty cloth wrapped around your blood soaked thigh and cuts littered your body in all shapes and sizes. One of your hands was handcuffed to a railing next to the rusty spring covered bed and you looked smaller than you’d ever looked before. Spencer was on you in seconds. Luke had bolt cutters and had snipped the handcuff from the railing. Rossi was frozen in his spot, his daughter lifeless in front of him. Spencer lifted you carefully in his arms laying you on the ground.

“She has no pulse! She’s not breathing! She’s not breathing!” He started pumping your chest, 1,2,3,4…. check, no sign of breathing. He held your nose and blew into your mouth twice, Luke took over chest compressions as the paramedics set up the defibrillator. More Paramedics arrived, pushing the two FbI Agents away so they could work on you more thoroughly. Some tended to your still bleeding cute, needles attached to you for IV bags and then.

“Everyone clear!” The defibrillator sounded up. The shocking noise and the thud your body made against the cold floor seemed to echo all around. They shocked you a total of four times before they managed to get a weak pulse.

The ambulance ride wasn’t long, especially now that you had a police escort and most of the flashing lights in the city. You died and came back 3 times in the ambulance. Spencer hadn’t stopped crying since he found you bleeding and lifeless.

On arrival to the hospital you were instantly taken to surgery, some of the stab wounds too severe to be treated normally. The BAU occupied the waiting room, Rossi sat numbly staring at the floor, Spencer paced back and fourth, Luke kept on asking the Dr for updates every ten minutes and the rest of the team just waited for any news at all.

——————————————————————————————————

-Your POV-

You hadn’t remembered your cell being this bright. Maybe your captor had taken you outside. Maybe you hadn’t died in time to be spared of the cruel torture that was about to follow. What was that dreadful beeping sound? You blinked, your eyes taking their time to adjust to your surroundings. You were defiantly somewhere else and you started to panic, the beeping got louder and faster. You tried to sit up.

“Spencer! Spencer! Wake up she’s awake!” You couldn’t make out the voice clearly, it sounded like… your dad? But how? Were you dreaming. Maybe this was your body in its final stages playing a cruel trick on your subconscious.

You tried to talk, but your throat was dry and you were hit with a wave of pain. Someone pressed ice chips to your lips, slowly but surely you accepted them, the coolness coating your vocal cords.

“Please, please tell m-me this isn’t a d-dream.” A tear leaked from the corner of your eye and rolled down your cheek only to be kissed away by… your Spencer.

“Baby, it’s not a dream, I found you, we found you. You’re safe now and I’m never letting you go again.”

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Welp, There we go. The final chapter! I hope you liked this mini series! If you like Criminal minds or want me to write for anyone else.. maybe Luke Alvez... let me knowwww i'll consider it ;) Please Reblog/follow/like <3333

Tag List:

@waddles03

@nocturnalherb16

@reidscardigan

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aurora-daily · 4 years ago

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AURORA’s Reddit Q&A (July 13th 2021)

Kmilalv: Hello aurora we love you, I'm @ aurora.s_love on instagram ✨✨🥰🥰🧚‍♀️🧚‍♀️ Aurora: oh hellooo!!!! Exportmusic: Meep Aurora: meep < 3 Lisxnne: WELL HELLO AND THANKS FOR YOUR NEW SONG! 🙏🌟💕 Aurora: HELLO!! and thank you for being open to it 24681357900: Thank u for making music Aurora: thank you for inviting it into your heart Emergency-Club-7529: This is have some upper case , it's the real Aurora Aurora: yes!!! Helloooooo brunamombach: hello ✨🃏🧚🏻‍♂️🤘🍇🍄🧚🏻‍♀️ when are you coming do Brazil? so glad to see you here!!! Aurora: I think I will be coming to Brazil next year I love being in Brazil because I feel like it awakens my heart and soul to be there !! Brunamombach: if you were going to an souless island, what book would you bring with you? 🧚🏻‍♂️🍇🍄🧚🏻‍♀️🤘🃏 kisses from Brazil Aurora: I would either take: "The name of the wind" and "a Wise mans fear" or the LOTR trilogy. Or the "Mistborn" trilogy. or "warbreaker" or "the good omens" or "the ocean at the end of the lane" or "Anne of Green gables" or "The alchemist" or just all the books in the world oh no I cant decide

all DanParis: Hey have some karma you cool bean 🤌🏼 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 Aurora: thank you < 3 Ok-Estimate8468: Tell us something you can tell us about the second track on the Cure For Me vinyl, “Potion For Love”. I'm very curious...

Aurora: its the song I decided for the B-side of the vinyl, and I will probably release it digitally one day too. Its the sister song to "exist for love" but from the other perspective. where love does not fill you up, but love has left a big hole within you < / 3 Ok-Estimate8468: Did you get a lot of unfollows and hate from bad people due to Cure For Me? Aurora: I got a little hate from homophobes, and also abelist, and racist comments from people claiming there was nothing wrong with their mindset. BUT it does not bother me. and I will never stop speaking up about the things I find important. because.. what else would our meaning on this earth be? if that makes sense. Some people have attacked me personally, but sadly mostly its people defending their own hateful ways of being. I cant even imagine how it really is to be a victim of racism or violent homophobia, so I feel like the least I can do is to try the best I can to show support. and speak up. and be an ally.

So a bit more short - yes, and I really dont mind!!!! unfollow me if you find speaking about equality and the right to live, and love and be loved unsettling <3 thank you for this question! Ok-Estimate8468: How was the process of creating the studio version of Cure For Me? I heard your first acoustic performance and saw that it's much smoother than the studio, so I was curious to see how you managed to create another even more amazing version. Aurora: Me and Magnus just played around, and we really tried to go with our emotions, and to be playful and to not think too much about what was "AURORA" or what was even...pretty! we just laughed! and danced! and did what felt lovely to us.

I think this is why the making of this song is one of my favourite memories, and also I think that is why it sounds so playful! because it is!! it was like playing a game. and I did also play alot around with symbolics in both the lyrics and the way this song is produced. it all has a meaning you see... but of course I will let you figure that out yourself!!

Pingouiin_: What's your favourite mountain around bergen ? Aurora: mine is Løvstakken!! and Magnus loves Ullrikken!! but important to NEVER stop a Norwegian person walking on the mountain. just say. a quick hello and wander off your own mind. become at one with nature Whoamiandallthat: Thank you for existing, I love your art and you inspire me so much 💙 You are one of my favorite artists 😊 And just the other day I found out that you are just two years older than me, and so successful... I'm wondering how it was for you to become so popular, did you feel like people thought you needed a cure? I'm also in the sphere of arts - filmmaking; but I feel like my films are not good enough... I have a YouTube channel with some videos - if you ever see this comment I would like for you to check it out 😊 Aurora: Ive felt through my life like something was a little off, ive never resonated that much with the people or the "system" around me! it didn't bother me so much even though I. was teased a lot for it ( so again I was very lucky) but I never felt like I understood the world and my place in it. or how I. could fit in, in this worlds society and with other people ! and becoming "famous" which I dont really feel that I am, but I guess that I am a little "known" (meep) was very strange, and very hard to handle at first. as impressions affect me a lot, and noises and people etc. but with time I got better at handling all these impressions, and avoid getting a.. sensory overload! and I am so happy now, that I can look directly at strangers and actually listen to them, and understand them, and even love them I guess what I am trying to say, that ive now understood that this is the very thing that connected me to all of you. and now I see my place here on this earth. and I see all of you, and you give my life so much meaning!! Lets_Fight_Dragons: Firstly I wanted to say I recently discovered your music and I love everything about it. I have two questions, I hope that’s ok 1. How do you start writing songs because I’m trying to get into songwriting and I’m not sure how you write such amazing songs 2. What’s your favourite song you’ve released? Aurora: 1. well I dont really know. ( I am sorry!!) but I feel like it started really natural for me.. I. kind of just sat down with my piano.. and then I started playing around with the Keyes, and I figured out I could make an endless amount of melodies by simply pressing the keys in a different order!! remember finding this extremely magical (I was around 6 years old then) and after a while I started adding lyrics, and I just spent time looking into myself, trying to figure out. - what do I want to say? what do. I need to hear in a song? what do the world need to hear in a song? and etc. I always think about songwriting as storytelling. and I always start out by figuring out what story I want to tell, what matter I want to dress, or what pleases me, or annoys me with the world, or what emotion I need help dealing with!! and then I write a song!!! and if you feel like its difficult to come up with melodies, I would recommend finding a song you like, and learn the chords of it (or find an instrumental version. online) and then you make your own melodies on top of that! many of the songs of the world share the same chords, and often the melodies on top is the thing separating them. music belongs to all of us, and its clear that every song in the world comes from the same magical source. 2. I think its the seed. or couples creatures!! or infections of a different kind!! tiffnoir: Our dear AURORA, your b-side A Potion For Love is helping me a lot (broken heart since a few days ago). I wanted to ask (if I can haha) if would it be included at the upcoming album, or maybe a relaxing, vintage video for it? Thanks for helping all of us with your music ^_^ Aurora: thank you som much for letting this song into your heart after writing exist for love, I figured that I should also make a sister-song that could belong for the ones with a broken heart as well it will not be on the album, but for you I will try to put it on the deluxe version FedahpWithThisWurld: Hello, Aurora! I'm a neurodivergent person and I have always felt a lot of shame over being the way I am, like I'm not good enough. Your music makes me feel better and it makes me feel that being me is okay. Thank you for that. I want to know how you manage to be so confident? Do you ever get nervous before a show? Aurora: hello!!!! I have had a lot of similar experiences with myself in this world too.. so I am very sad to hear you've lived your life with this feeling I think after a while I understood what makes me different also makes me special. and special is good. and if you think about it, special isn't even that different, because in one way or another we are all... unique. but of course, some people have had to fight their. way through life more than others.. making it less easy to learn how to love yourself. and accept yourself. I guess, now I've surrounded myself with good people who understand my quirks and sensitivities, people who give me time. and space to be me. I have also been lucky, because I have a family that have always encouraged me to be myself. and to love myself. and I guess that is why I am trying to convey to all of you now, because now we are like al little family. where being who you are - is cool. and you're cool. and were all cool. and I get nervous all the time, of all sorts of things! but I just accept that feeling as a part of being human. its uncomfortable yes, but I know at least it won't kill me! 3charmplease: What was it like recording for Frozen? Aurora: it was magical and also slightly scary. but it felt safe and good calling at the mountains. and I feel warm thinking about it. especially now. cause my father just walked over to me with five little strawberries in his hand. he gave them all to me. and they were so small, and sweet. im currently sitting in my childhood home, right next to the very piano where I wrote "runaway" and so many other songs. Tiny-Sink-2397: Boom shake shake shake the room Aurora: that was actually during the recording process of Cure For Me! Tiny-Sink-2397: I thought it was!! Seemed like an epic party Aurora: YES Joelynxyzs: what's your favorite movie ? Aurora: Practical magic BUT ALSO THESE: The LOTR triology ALL GHIBLI MOVIES avatar once upon a time in Hollywood Hannah the perfume fantastic MR. fox Star Wars: a new hope rouge one isle of dogs the hunchback of Notre dame! the arrival stypop: If you were to get the chance to work on a sequel to another Disney movie, which one would you want it to be? Aurora: since Disney owns Lucas films I would love to be a part of the Star Wars universe or to play either a magical fairy, witch mermaid, forest nymph, or a scary beast!! WE WO brisot: The masks in CFM remind me of theater plays, do you ever watch any and how much of an influence for you is the art of acting? Aurora: this era of my life is very influenced by the ancient times where theatre was all they had. no CGI or special effects etc. and I really wanted all these videos to feel very authentic, and down to earth! The shell in "exist for love" was handmade by someone, and I painted all the masks in "cure for me" myself! so I like it when it feels... human Clear-Champion-1833: i love you Aurora:

Jicuhrabbitkim: How do you like your fried eggs cook!! I like it when its very crispy!! Aurora: as long as its from a local farm that has free healthy chickens that walk about freely and eat good food I like my eggs crispy too. GhostReaper3: Hi I have a question as well: How do you keep positive? Many people including myself find this difficult sometimes so it would be good to hear your technique or way of keeping upbeat and positive! Also, thank you for sharing your music with us! Aurora: I know what you mean, i've struggled with it myself at times. but I guess I tried separating in my mind what I can do something about, and what I cant? if that makes sense?? we are all just here on this planet. and though we all seem to be going though the same things we still feel so alone, in our thoughts and in our minds. And I've been very aware that with music, and with this fandom we can all finally connect, and see each other, and know that we are not alone! and if there is one thing I love, it is to dance a little after I've cried. I think its important to. shake these emotions out of our body. like animals do! and then I made CURE FOR ME. because I thought about all the warriors out there feeling. a little crazy... after isolation! or after being depressed! and being l rocked in with their families that might not accept them for who they are.. and I thought I needed to make a song for us all, that felt a little uplifting. and uniting. just so we know where not alone, and just so we know that we are worthy.. of everything! and that we are worthy of celebrating ourselves!! ALWAYS! aniri003: Were the dancers freestyling in the last part of the video Aurora: YES! I told them to put their freak game on. And they were amazing. L_pls_use_revive: Hei Aurora! Apart from inspiring me with your music for emotional people, I also dicovered my love for Norway and the Norwegian language through you - now studying it in my second year at university. Tusen, tusen takk! I want to visit soon when traveling is safe - So which place should I not miss out on? Have a great life! Aurora: I think the whole of Norway is worth visiting! there are so many beautiful places. and beautiful people! I would ofc. recommend Bergen! (haha!) but also places like Tromsø, Trondheim, Stavanger, lofted and The Geirangerfjord and the Northwest!!! HAHA KakSetoKaiba: How's the progress of the album that you've been preparing which will be released after your death? Aurora: its going well, I take one song for every chapter and I put it on my death album instead of the album I'm making its going well. and im excited about it! maria_fernandez_: This is not a question but I just wanted to tell you that discovering you and your music has been the best thing that ever happened to me. What your music makes me feel cannot be described in words. I love you so much. Greetings from Spain!! Aurora: thank you!!! applepieaurora: Whats your favorite pie? 🐉 Aurora: apple pie and blueberry pie!! Ok-Potato7244: Thanks for sharing your time ... a warrior here to welcome you...Have some tea...And i don't need a cure for disliking keeping animals in cages...Especially birds...💚... Aurora: thank you pekaraseva: what do you feel when you perform Ioadk or Adkoh for people? Aurora: I feel so full of emotion and love and despair I could almost explode and its wonderful. I also feel insanely connected to the audience when I sing these songs.. I. think. its because they are such important pieces of my soul targaryenblood02: omg what do you think cure for me would smell like? 🐛 Aurora: like something Brazilian! like Asai! or caipirinha! or Brigadeiro!

sproutingephemeral: Hello Aurora, Thanks for your new song, I've gotten quite addicted to it😊 I have a question that might be a bit difficult to answer. I am a Warrior from the U.S. currently without a clue of where I should be and what I should be doing. I'm done with school, and in the process of moving to a new town with my parents. I'm applying for jobs, but I feel like I can't find my reason for being in a smaller area with not many people my age. I feel like my parents are trying to mold me into a certain person, which doesn't feel authentic to me. I probably should be making more of my own decisions at my age, but I'm a bit scared and confused, if what I think is deemed too unrealistic or out of line with their expectations for me (like a childhood dream?). I tried talking to them about it, to little success. Is there something inherently wrong with me? Or am I just being spoiled or lazy? I read about how you were initially opposed to starting your career until your mother convinced you to change your mind. How do you know whether or not to trust in your parents' plans for you? On a lighter note, do you prefer cookies that are more soft (chewy) or hard (crumbly)? I don't need a cure for...my autism, and tendency to talk regularly to my deceased cat at his grave (??)😿👼 Looking forward to seeing you in New York! Take care❤❤ Aurora: you should ALWAYS. only do what feels right for you. this world is very absurd, and people tend to think they know what is meaningful and what is important. but we all know, money and success isn't important beyond what you need to simply survive. this one life is yours. and you should be just who you want. and do what feels right for you. because its yours. its only yours. drink tea. work hard. be lazy. dance. be shy. laugh, cry. drink wine and eat good bread. be good. fight for something you care about. and either live for your work, or work a little and then just... live. get a garden, grow tomatoes, get a cat. or a dog. or a parrot. life can be so random, and it can be both so little, and so large at the same time. some days were meant to TAKE chances, and live. and sometimes were just meant to exist. and do nothing. you should never feel guilty for not "being enough" because you are enough. just who you are. just how you are. is enough. good luck on your strange journey my warrior, maybe our paths crosses and maybe they dont. but know, when you walk out of your door, that anything can happen! and the whole world is yours. Hippolyte_gray: is the name of the next album hidden in your previous songs ? Aurora: mayyyyyybeeeeeeeee rashadalt: what do you think about your fans who are racist/homophobic etc.? Aurora: I feel sorry for them. because I know I cant be easy l living a life so full of hate. and even spending your precious. time on this world bringing other people down. and I know how easy it is for people to be driven by fear, and how difficult. it can be to have an original meaning and stand up for what you really mean. so I dont judge them, or hate them,

but I do feel sorry for them. and I am also very disappointed in them. because its such a. waste of human potential to live your life in the paths of hatred.

but as long as we face hate with love, we will eventually win. when we show them. we are not the enemy, just people trying to make a better world, I think, and I hope that eventually we can all agree that being able to live, and being able to love is a human right. Brivera726: I noticed you said you would bring LOTR trilogy with you to an island- I’m reading them for the fourth time right now I feel like if Galadriel sing songs it would sound like you! Anyway I really like your art so yah just keep doing u- love from PFC Rivera, USMC Aurora: this is then est thing ive ever read thank you Aurora: I am. sorry people, but my time here (for tonight) is up </3 but I will probably be back looking at your questions and thoughts because I did really. enjoy this. and I. love you all so. much.

[link]

#aurora #aurora aksnes #q&a #interviews #potion for love #cure for me #into the unknown #collaborations #recommendations #ioadk song #adkoh #new album #future album #magnus

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nobody-knose--archive · 4 years ago

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i’ve been aching to commentate spirit phone’s commentary for ages. glad i finally got around to it, this was an ejoyable experience. liveblog below the cut

-i'm like half certain i've heard this commentary before. maybe not the whole way through & it was probably actual years ago

-nice hearing stuff like this. in-depth personal view of the album-making process. makes it seem like more of a real thing i could do myself someday

-neil cicierega real person momence

-i could probably go real in depth about neil cicierega/tally hall parallels specifically concerning like. the arc of their musical careers. but i won't, here

-wild how i legitimately don't care much about micheal jackson

-didnt we get a bunch of spirit phone stems from the needlejuice release/his patreon? we could probably hear the funny track he speaks of here in that

-i love hearing musical artists, especially neil cicierega, talking about the meanings of their songs. like, not only has this song been claimed to hell & back by the tumblr gays, but with later ones i just can't see where he gets these ideas from. also, claiming there's any one meaning or plot to a song just seems silly to me

-shoutout to neil reusing a midi from like, 1998, that he made at 12 years old, whose entire melody was reused for the main verses of everybody loves raymond. loved finding that out on my own 2 years ago. now it's common trivia in this fandom. not bad times

-it'd be neat if neil did individual trans tracks here like he did with view monstel, those things are half of why i consider it my favorite album

-it's a lot easier to ignore the creator's intended meaning behind a song when he can't even remember it. thanks neil

-seesaw effect

-and there's my joke all but 1 of my followers wont get. moving on

-what kinds of movie theater lobbies has neil been to where there are arcade machines. i mean im not one to talk but that does sound rather strange

-why do songs' titles even need to be taken from the lyrics. ive never seen that as any sort of requisite. it's like titling any form of prose you can just give it whatever name ya like

-"this part sounds pretty cool right"

-is neil's vocal range only mildly better than mine? with training i could change that

-oh i haven't processed any of the last 25 seconds hold on

-god. a shit ton of vocal modification in this song. it's like neil returned to his roots but with quality this time

-i, as an ace/aro, have never related more to an allohet guy in my life. what is the point of eyes!

-professional humming/whistling takes skill. it's different from the recreational or casual stuff. i'd know

-there's a name for the way sound (especially music) gets distorted when moving past you and i can't remember it but it's probably what neil's referring to here in the way he recorded the intro

(- update: it's the doppler effect no need to tell me cas already did)

-as someone who hasnt seen the rugrats or take me there by blackstreet i'll just say it sounded like a bouncy music box melody. nice to hear a song that messes with the typical scales though. lydian & diatonic.

-that's a rather specific thing to be glad about, but given what he talked about in his last full audio commentary about the jew harp i suppose i'm not surprised

-i know that tmbg song now. listened to it & saw the music video too. yep they're different alright

-where the hell does neil get all these instrumence from anyway

-huh. hadnt heard this part of the commentary before making my oc concerning this song but i like to hear neil's approval concerning part of my interpretation

-i love how ive heard a billion different tellings of this mellified man story from lem dem fans talking about this song and neil's is by far the wildest

-good god that does only make it worse neil

-i love making liveblogs of lemon demon albums. with the fullerenes or tally hall i cant name a specific dude to take out my woes on generally but with lemon demon i can just say neil all the time. i like being on a casual first name basis with this dude ive never interacted with once ever

-is sweet bod the one other than cabinet man with a demo in the bonus tracks? i forget

-holy shit the boston molasses disaster someone call up soapy if it doesnt already know, it'd love this

-two thousand nine. god i miss the fiddle solo. the ver with it is truly the best one

-he pronounces it jeff? i've always read it as gef with a hard g. that's what i get for knowing words that are never spoken aloud

-that's a fun meta interpretation of this ghost story that's over a century old. i like that

-i've noticed neil generally does the same synths across a whole album. it's especially more clear in the earlier ones, and does mean i occasionally mix up songs between clown circus & live from the haunted candle shop

-ah! ancient aliens! my least favorite track on this album. i cant even claim to have the least interest in a popular one i've just generally not liked this one much from the beginning. so im curious to see what neil's got to say, i think ive been in ~new commentary zone for a while now

-anyway. newest update on the loolin not realizing a song's funky time signature front: i think this one's in 6/4. or at least switches a lot between time signatures. granted i dont listen to it very often for the reasons stated above

-see the way neil describes it. eldritch horror upon being visited by the unknown at a time when humanity'd hadn't even yet had a chance to imagine such a thing occurring. should be right up my alley. but the sound itself & many of the lyrics simply turn me away.

-must i specify i don't dislike it? spirit phone is neil's best album it not being my favorite doesn't mean i think it's bad yadda yadda nobody should be surprised by this it's not like anyone in these fandoms reads my liveblogs <3

-granted i think this is. the first bit of spirit phone content i've made on my blog ever. so who knows things can change <3

-the transitions in spirit phone are much less view-monster transition tracks & more extended outros. view-monster's were a bit more intro than outro sure but they also seemed directed upon making a 2-way rather than 1-way bridge between tracks. or something like that

-.............soft fuzzy man is an incredible nickname for a cat. i'd steal that if i werent afraid of introducing my relatives to lemon demon

-jirls

-an underlying metaphor is good enough. the literal side of the lyrics are fun. nothing but agreement here neil my good man

-the transition into as your father i expressly forbid it from soft fuzzy man is the best one in this album

-buddy you ask if a musical idea has been used before odds are the answer is yes in this day & age the question is has it been used in the way you're using it. like sure this soul jazz record from the 60s that was sold out in kansas stores for a week used this bassline that youve found yourself copying. but seeing as youre using it in some angsty garage rock ballad type tune does anybody actually care

-doesn't everybody like to say things in an unhinged manner from time to time

-imagine having a guitar dad, i say, with my dad being a folk accordion/fiddle dad, which is infinitely worse in every way

-i think he was in an actual folk band at some point. idk the 90s were weird

-iron my life?

-m-more intimate? there are a lot of ways i'd describe this song but intimate isn't one of them. granted as your father is negatively intimate so from there i guess you've got nowhere to go but up

-...still glad to see his interpretation kinda supports my oc at least

-the way he says characters in songs shouldn't worry about death really strongly makes me think this is some sort of. thematic continuation of stuck from dinosaurchestra, even if there's no real death in there. interesting. would also mean that the dad from these past 2 songs is named carlos betty (no last name)

-i literally never assumed this was a flute solo. piccolo at best. it's pretty clearly a recorder

-my mom plays the recorder. i wonder if she can play recorder better than neil cicierega

-we can throw a party in honor of the crushing weight of responsibility! i simply won't be the one throwing it because i have enough on my plate already <3

-what the hell does "a sense of intent" mean

-i've never heard rush before however i disagree with neil's understanding of 6/4. 6/4 is meant to have emphasis (onbeat or another term i can't remember) on the 1st & 4th beat of every measure, which is greatly different from a measure of 4/4 then a measure of 2/4. it's why his 5/4 always sounds weird, because while it's recognizable in sequences of 10/4, it's more 2 measures of 4/4 with one of 2/4 tacked on the end. that's also how it's different from 3/4. i don't know much music theory but what i do understand i will fight to the death about

-"canonized" that's. a very interesting term to use when referring to a former president

-from now on i will interpret every love song directed at some unseen "you" to be inviting me to marry them for tax purposes. thanks neil for being an aromantic icon

-ah hell yes hell yes man-made object is my favorite goddam song on this album

-short & sweet & good damn vibes. neil's thoughts on it all are only making it better

-wild how he uses very few vocal effects for a song that he clearly is straining his vocal range for. go off neil

-the qualifier of man-made is a wonderful thing. oldest or biggest thing? oldest or biggest man-made thing? what a incredibly important specification. a world of possibilities lie between the two. oh i love it

-just gets me thinking yknow! what we consider weird/impressive in another species, in our own species- what kind of equivalent to that would there be from an outsider looking in? are there alien versions of the significances we place upon things, that we could never imagine? the limits of the human imagination mean we could never conceive of something else in the world that isn't, in some way great or small, just like us- and are we wrong for thinking that? such a juicy topic i wish there were a name for it because it's kinda hard to explain concisely

-spiral of ants. my second favorite song from this album, in fact. a good one to experience

-the vocals are just another instrument. they really truly are. i wasn't going into this commentary expecting to feel solidarity for neil cicierega in this chili's tonight on more than one occasion but here i am.

-like, his whole stance on interpreting songs is something i agree with almost entirely. you can take it at face value, you can dig to their very depths, you can listen to songs without caring what the lyrics mean whatsoever, and those are all fun. & yeah while any of these people can be annoying as one of the types who enjoys gliding on the surface more than anything i find those who dedicate themselves to figuring out the whole meaning of a song over anything else to be both slightly scary & slightly annoying <3 keep up the good work

-i want to make songs for my siblings the way neil makes songs for his sibling(s)

-spinch

-neil really shouldn't be allowed to be this funny like this whole album youre thinking golly! he's just a normal man this neil cicierega! and then he starts listing the cat hacks jokes & you remember he's had ridiculously consistent viral success with all his humorous endeavors and holy shit it's neil cicierega in action talking about his music. god bless you neil

-you're welcome, no problem, my pleasure. good eveternoon, radio audience!

#lemon demon #spirit phone #pretty sure this is my first bit of spirit phone content on my blog. hi greater lem dem fandom nice to see y'all. go listen to deporitaz #loolin liveblogs #i enjoyed this less for the content the commentary contained & more for the way i handled it. more pleasant than some times ive had #tis i #i havent listened to spirit phone in general in ages. i know why. so this was nice #to the world and back again

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idontwanttospoiltheparty · 3 years ago

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Ive never really understood the hype surrounding Taylor Swift - I mean, I like some of her songs, but im not big on modern pop music so generally she just doesn’t really click for me. But I find it interesting that theres quite a few of Beatles/Swift blogs - like, they should have very little in common given that they’re from completely different eras and all, but somehow people seem to find a lot of semblance between the two. << and thats not me shitting on any of these blogs btw! Hope I don’t come off as rude or condescending there <3

Anyway, I was just wondering what got you into Taylor Swift? (I think ive read your post on how you got into the Beatles)

Hi, anon! Don't worry, I don't think you're rude or condescending! I agree they don't have too much in common and I don't really like their music for the same reasons.* I do have a playlist of Paul songs that have similar vibes to Taylor songs but it's mostly lyric-based. (Also the Beatles For Sale songs actually have quite the Taylor-tinge because Paul and John were not immune to Country Music)

I saw @stewy say once that a possible reason there are a good handful of us Swiftie-Beatle People on here is the appeal of a vast discography, which I agree with. If you have an artist/group with 200ish songs, it's just really fun to really dive into their work and explore all the facets. I also think: we're talking about the most popular band of all time and one of the highest-selling artists of the 21st century. They have a lot of fans so there's bound to be overlap, regardless of musical differences.

Moving on to your question: Getting into Taylor was an extremely personal experience for me and so my explanation is probably going to be kind of long so I'll put it under a read more.

It was spring-summer 2014, I was 15. I had heard the more popular songs of hers starting with Love Story and enjoyed pretty much all of them (I always found her hopelessly romantic point of view fascinating) but before I got a Spotify account in 2013 it was difficult in general for me to really get into an artists' entire discography so most of her songs had flown under my radar.

At the time, I was in this very weird sort of codependent online friendship with this girl who was basically my first real best friend and my first more or less crush. She was very depressed and I was very much in an I Could Fix Her™ mood, except that I obviously couldn't fix her and it made me feel like I wasn't enough and she had begun pulling more and more away from me and not replying to my messages and it was simply driving me insane. I consider it the saddest period in my life.

at some point during this period, I started trying to connect with other people (all online, I didn't know how to talk seriously to anyone IRL) and explaining the issues I'd been having, and one of the people who brought me joy and whom I actually felt not drained talking to was a huge swiftie. And IDK the fact that she loved Taylor and the fact that talking to her made my life better (and also the fact that I liked all the Taylor songs I knew at that point) just made me decide to give her a listen. And I think that whole "large discography discovery" phenomenon really helped me at the time (funny, because her discography has doubled since then). It gave me something new to focus on; there were just so many songs to discover, all telling such rich stories. I also have always loved bridges, they are almost always my favourite part of a song. And Taylor, god-bless her, loves them too and always puts her ALL in them. Like pretty much every bridge of hers brings the song to the next level, and even a lot of her songs I don't adore tend to have great bridges (Stay Stay Stay and Paper Rings come to mind). I think one of her most underrated qualities is how good she is at song structure and really building up an entire musical journey with a song. She also almost always adds cool ad-libs in her second and third choruses to keep the songs interesting and dynamic (or at least since she's gone pop). Anyways, back to the story: Then Taylor announced 1989 as her next album and released Shake It Off, and it was just like this great happy thing for me to look forward to, when I had very little keeping me going. The era was promoting a lot of happiness which in hindsight was slightly fabricated and it was just a really great thing for me to latch onto.

At the same time I was coming to realize that I was gonna have to pull away completely from my friend and all those break-up songs just… Hit, y'know? Like, some people seem to think Taylor's a one-trick pony because she likes to write break-up songs but to me, break-ups are just like this moment where you as a human can potentially feel every single emotion, and Taylor's songs have covered every facet of the concept. Here are some songs I remember from that period, that all meant a lot to me at the time because they explained my own pain to me so well:

Haunted, for the absolute terror you feel in the first moments you realize someone is probably gonna leave you. Come on, come on / Don't leave me like this / I thought I had you figured out / Something's gone terribly wrong / You're all I wanted.

I Almost Do, for the inner turmoil you feel when you know you have to stay away from someone for your own good but you really, really have to resist just running back to that person. We've made quite a mess, Babe / It's probably better off this way / And I confess, Babe / In my dreams you're touching my face / And asking me if I wanna try again / With you / And I almost do.

Last Kiss, for that absolute sadness that comes simply with remembering everything that was good and not comprehending how it could've possibly ended. I still remember / The look on your face / Lit through the darkness / At 1:58 / Words that you whispered / For just us to know / You told me you loved me / So why did you go / Away?

Forever and Always, for that feeling of desperately wanting to hold on to what you still have but at the same time realizing it probably isn't going to last and having no idea how to fix it, plus feeling like the other person doesn't even care. So here's to everything / Coming down to nothing / Here's to silence / That cuts me to the core / Where is this going? / Thought I knew for a minute / But I don't anymore.

Dear John, my all-time favourite song, for that moment you find clarity and realize that you deserved better and that you were headed in an extremely dark direction because of this other person. [DISCLAIMER: my friend did NOT abuse me nor did we have some inappropriate age difference. But the way she would ignore me and her general moodiness really affected my own mental health and self-worth problems] You paint me a blue sky / And go back and turn it to rain / And I lived in your chess games / But you changed the rules every day / Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone / Tonight / Well I stopped picking up / And this song is to let you know why.

(She's covered more aspects of break-ups in other songs [cheating, divorce, feeling awkward around your ex amongst others], these are just the ones I remember being really important to me when I was first getting into her)

She really helped me feel a lot less alone during one of my loneliest periods and I really can't thank her enough for that. Soon after this, I started crushing on a girl in my class and Taylor's love songs started to take on a new meaning for me as well.

What's crazy to me is, when she went on hiatus for a few years, a part of me thought maybe I'd grown out of her and no longer had much in common with her, but when reputation came out I was pulled right back into my love for her as a person and musician and then when Lover came out I found that she was still explaining feelings to me better than I ever could (specifically with the songs The Archer and Cornelia Street). And now with folklore and evermore she's simply absolutely perfected her story-telling and I find myself deeply moved even by the songs I don't directly relate to. I feel like she has this amazing ability to find the absolute truth in the specific. I've never had a summer romance with someone who already had a girlfriend and mostly wanted to go back to her, and yet the bridge of august feels so real to me, y'know?

Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call And say, "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose

It's hard to explain but looking at this, like it's so much more than the story it's telling. It's talking about how when you're young you really need so little to feel satisfied; how sometimes the idea of someone maybe spending time with you is better than actually doing things with other people; and how if someone using you without much thought can make you feel like you're not even entitled to grieve what you lost. Sorry. I'll stop. Don't want to go insane.

So, all of this is very personal and unique to me, but I think really the main thing that draws me to her is how vulnerable and honest she is about emotions, how eloquently she can explain the pain of being alive to me. Some people think she isn't the strongest singer, but I think, much like John actually, one of her greatest assets is how good she is at projecting emotion. The song happiness is a song I think has some lyrically weak moments but her vocal performance on it is so raw and devastating that every single line works even when, looking at it on paper, it feels like it shouldn't.

Hope this rambling made sense to you, lmao?? I love talking about Taylor though so thanks for the ask! Also very open to giving song recs if you do want to check her out more but I won't unless solicited to lmao *Sort of off-topic but I do think there's a relation between my fascination with the Beatles' history and my love for a great break-up song. I like pain I guess :)

#ask #anon #taylor #mine

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shoshie · 4 years ago

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hi poosie 💞🌺💘 im going w 3 nights by dominic fike; emotional by okaywil; honest by the neighborhood; devil i know by allie x; sweet disposition by the temper trap; very nice by seventeen; moonlight by dhruv; rain by ben platt; home by phillip phillips; just friends by jordy; timebomb by walk the moon; cross my heart by marianas trench; shatter me by lindsey striling; paris is burning by st vincent; arrival of the birds by the cinematic orchestra; nyc girl by the orion experience; relay by fiona apple; dnd by glaive; sympathy by vampire weekend; december 1963 by frankie valli & the four seasons; and step with me by mika.

if ur thinking ‘h what the fuck’ you & i would b thinking the same thing. i kept adding songs bc im like ‘ah shit what if they hate the one i suggested?’ so i added 2 more. and then yk . i kept adding until my spotify app weirdly refreshed and i took it as a sign from god to stfu and finish the list so !!! that’s what i have !!! i hope ur having a lovely lovely day & that u like at Least one on this list 💓❣️💘🌺💞‼️

i’m gonna tell u what i think of each song BUT i’m putting it under a read more lkdhfbf

1. 3 nights: i realized i’ve actually heard this one BUT not the whole song so it’s ok! i like it it’s v chill v vibey it sounds like streetlights reflecting off a wet road <3 (i am incapable of describing songs with adjectives)

2. emotional: the instrument in the background of this is rly cool idk it’s like. it kinda sounds like hitting spoons on a glass but more musical & almost piano like? i rly like it tho, this song sounds like bright colors & peaches :D

3. honest: this one kinda sounds like one of those ones that makes ur brain go brrrr ‼️ its like. laced w something kfjbjsbfksnv musically it’s not rly my thing but i can appreciate it as a song <3

4. devil i know: i only know one allie x song (can’t stop now) so i wasn’t sure what this would sound like but it’s kinda insane??? the background vocals r so cool i love the humming :0 v sexie nd her voice is so beautiful omg

5. sweet disposition: this feels oddly familiar. i don’t think i’ve heard it tho. it kinda reminds me of say geronimo if u know that one? it sounds like adventure kind of, like it could be used in a travel vlog (complimentary)

6. very nice: aju NICE babababdadadabbabda!!!! i’ve heard this one but i don’t mind listening to it again <3 bop banger etc. good vocals amazing horns in the chorus also if u haven’t seen the choreo i would definitely recommend it it’s so fun

7. moonlight: this is so pretty omg 🥺 i got a mental image of like. sitting on top of a car w someone u love & watching a meteor shower on a clear night. very chill his voice is so lovely

8. rain: ben platt’s voice is gorgeous. this is not the type of music i would have expected from him though??? idk he doesn’t seem like the pop music type of person. i think i prefer some of his other music (cough grow as we go cough) but this is a solid song

9.. home: ive heard this but not since i was like 10 so the nostalgia i got from it,,,, :’) home also sounds like a travel vlog song a bit! i think its the oooohhhhhohohohs in the post chorus (?). this song just reminds me of my childhood i used to hear it all the time on the radio sitting in the backseat <3

10. just friends: I HAVE ALSO HEARD THIS BUT IDK WHERE the beginning played nd i was like wait a minute. OH!! its so nice i love how simple the instrumentals are & jordy has a rly pretty voice as well!! the melody is so addictive as well

halfway done! this is fun<3

11. timebomb: bop?? this could be used in the soundtrack to a romcom tv show directed at teenagers (once again. what are adjectives) it reminds me of when shut up and dance came out nd everyone was obsessed with it.. that was a better time i think

12. cross my heart: headbanging songs > the lyrics to this one r a little basic but thats ok not every song has to have deep profound lyrics that make u feel existential. this is certainly a banger yessir. the ending is cool too i love harmonies

13. shatter me: scawy... the imagery in this is insane "i pirouette in the dark" UM?? this sounds like a movie hello. imagine WAI HISNFVNKDNV THE DROP???? THE VIOLIN?????? i litrally just had to interrupt myself that was not an exaggerated reaction. ANYWAYS i was going to say: the movie scene im imagining is like. it keeps cutting between a girl doing ballet in dark, foggy lighting & a fight scene

14. paris is burning: dark alleyways & vintage movies!!! i enjoyed this more than i expected to? im picturing a girlboss character, maybe a spy? in all black & carrying a purse walking down the street. but she has to be wearing one of those black hats w a veil in the front & a flower on the brim, an ankle-length velvety black coat, & heels that go plonk on the cobblestone

15. arrival of the birds: THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL!!!! OMG! blue skies & green grass at a state park!!! i love it so much actually this went in my healing playlist <333 the way it built up in the best way.. tears

16. nyc girl: ok the guitar in the intro??? this is fuckign music truly one of the most songs ive ever heard. the bass fucks as well i rly like this one :D its so catchy im already bopping nd ik later im gonna b going "im gonna make u ma ha hine"

17. relay: the lyrics are so good???? its not a song that id probably listen to very often just bc its musically not my type of thing BUT i respect it a lot. shes obviously a super talented artist like i looked up the lyrics nd apparently she wrote the repeated line when she was 15??? i love what the song is about!

18. dnd: the production on the vocals is a lil bit strange but i like the song itself if that makes sense. its like mitam where the songs r mixed weirdly but i enjoy the songs anyway? i did think for abt a minute that the title referred to dungeons & dragons tho,, also i just looked up the artist and he is ALSO 15 what the FUCK

19. sympathy: the GUITARRRRR omg omgogmomg!! i rly love the whole intro like the first 30 seconds r just *chefs kiss*. OOH bass solo sexyyyyy i love prominent bass :D the instrumentals r really nice too & it reminds me of like. a heist? like a found family of thieves. this song would play as they were breaking into a museum or smth

20. december 1963: GROOVY! simply a fkin tune idk dude like this IS fun nd makes me think of roadtrips during the summer & also of walking along a dock in a harbor under the moonlight. very much floaty yellow dress vibes this song is just a mood booster

21. step with me: domestic. domesticity. thats it. no but the chorus is rly nice omg i like the melody!!! its so cute too the lyrics r so wholesome.. this sounds like an old couple thats been married for 50 years dancing to the radio in their kitchen <333 life goals

#thank u for so much new music !!!!#i need to organize my bangers playlist it’s so messy like there’s EVERYthing in there #asks #h 🕊

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hermannsthumb · 5 years ago

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different anon but i would love that rec list you mentioned ....👀

ok here we go my most up-to-date and comprehensive newt/hermann rec list yet! combining elements from all the other ones i’ve made! this is in no way a be-all-end-all of the best newt/herm fic or anything, these are just ones ive remembered to bookmark--i’ll def edit and add stuff as i go bc i know i left a bunch off

for the most part they stay away from uprising bc i don’t like to read uprising compliant fic LOL

G/Not Rated:

Portrait. by VictoryCandescenceWe all know about Becket and Mori, the Last Rangers of Hong Kong and the late Marshall Stacker Pentecost. But Doctors Hermann Gottlieb and Newton Geiszler might be two you haven’t heard about until now. And when you hear their story, you’ll wonder how it ever stayed a secret for so long.

the future’s owned by you and me by kaiyenYears after they stopped writing each other, Newt and Hermann run into each other on the steps of Cambridge University Library. Quite literally.

The Love And Care Of Your Pet Kaiju Skinmite by IasNewt brings home a new pet. Hermann is justifiably horrified.

Don't Hang Up Yet, I'm Not Done by SmallishWormMasterOfTheUniverse“With all due respect, sir,” said Hermann, “I fail entirely to see any humor whatsoever in this situation.”“Yes,” said Pentecost. “It adds to the effect.”The world is ending, Hermann Gottlieb is a radio show host, and Newton Geiszler is absolutely convinced it all has something to do with aliens.

Alternate by perniciousLizardNewt accidentally ends up in a place that’s almost exactly like his own reality, with one major difference.

Operation: RTF by purpleeyesandbowtiesMako’s bio teacher is acting weird. Well, weirder than normal. And there’s a new teacher who Mr. Geizler claims is a college buddy, but there’s something about this whole thing that feels….off. Naturally, the only reasonable solution is Operation: RTF.

Hypothetically by supersymmetryAka Tendo sets Newt and Hermann up on a blind date because someone had to.

Mariposa (aka westworld au) by janewestinTwo years after his last encounter with the host called Newton Geiszler, Hermann finds himself back in the park.

D = V * T by seabassThere are no monsters, mutants, or war. Robots do not stand as gladiators against the test of Man. Warriors do not drift together, close in thought and will and action.There’s just a hole in the desert. And it grows.

there’ll be no life of crime by ByacolateAs much as he respects Stacker Pentecost, Hermann hates him a little for dangling Hannibal Chau in front of Newton’s eyes like a toy mouse on a string.+ the rest of the series…..!

Ships Ill-Lit At Night by Rikku (the same author has an excellent uprising fix-it if you’re interested)Hermann Gottlieb and Newton Geiszler are correspondents for years before they first meet, and then it is years more before they will admit to even being friends. Meanwhile the war rages, the monsters that rise from the sea surely too powerful to be fought with brittle ships of wood and sail.At least when the Fleet fights it, they must all stand together.

A Sharp Dressed Man by AveleraHermann’s latest book needs an author photo. However, when he’s given a makeover and a suit that actually fits for the photo shoot, his appearance is so transformed that Newt mistakes him for his (much hotter) older brother, Dietrich.Hermann decides to play along.

It Was Only A Kiss, How Did It End Up Like This by AnonymousPuzzler“Hermann, come on, I don’t have to be up for another hour, go shut off your stupid alarm so I can go back to sl—”Finally, Hermann had grumbled incoherently, shoved himself up on one elbow, kissed Newt full on the mouth, and rolled out of bed.Suffice to say, Newt was very, very much awake after that.

and i couldn’t whisper when you needed it shouted by LvslieHe still smells like Newt; bears traces of his recent nearness. Clothes sleep-wrinkled from the proximity, from the way Newt’s ankle has during the night hooked around the calf of Hermann’s good leg and dragged his whole body seamlessly closer. Cheek half-flushed from the face unconsciously nuzzled his into the side of Hermann’s neck—evidence of his presence, fast asleep, as Hermann lay still and fretful for hours an end, staring at the ceiling and feeling sick with wanting.[An early 20th century AU inspired loosely by Maurice and Age of Innocence.]

Meet Me There Across The Water, And We’ll Start An Endless Storm by CancerConstellationHermann, an honorably discharged veteran has retired to continue working as a Keeper at a Lighthouse. It is perfectly solitary, and with little in the way for incidents. Newton is the sailor that washes up on the seashore after a summer storm.[Late 19th century Lighthouse Keeper AU–or the one where Hermann was an aspiring artist whose dreams got a bit derailed, and Newt is the sailor that needs to learn to take his time with things.]

It Was Love At Second Sight by rednightsHermann receives the first letter when he is eighteen years old.or: Kaiju don't attack the Earth, but Hermann and Newt still write letters, botch their first meeting, and fall in love, not necessarily in that order.

the truth about me (and the truth about you) by danimagusNewton suffers from a bout of memory loss and is told Hermann is his fiancé. Hermann plays along, to his endless shame.

Transducer by hal_incandenza (or: 1970s espionage AU)“I need you to hide something for me.”“Oh, excellent. Of course, Newton, please allow me to jeopardize my career. And yours as well. My pleasure. Do go on.”“Yeesh, relax,” said Newton. “It’s a personal thing, not a work thing.”“As if there is any division between the two,” Hermann snapped.If only you knew, Newt thought.

First a Darling, Then a Marvel by isozymeNewt runs a simulation given three constraints:1: Newt wants to clone a kaiju2: Hermann does not want Newt to clone a kaiju3: Newt is going to clone a kaiju anyway

Can I Be Your Memory by agrajagHermann suffers from amnesia after a bump to the head and is suddenly very nice to Newt. Newt is way too gay to handle this. And what will happen when Hermann’s memories return?

The Geiszler & Gottlieb Post-Saving-the-World Lecture Tour (series) by zach_stone

if you would stay In the wake of the world not ending, while certain heroes are invited to a parade of talk shows and press tours, the two-man remains of the PPDC’s K-Science division are scheduled for a series of guest lectures in a good selection of the world’s major universities.Newt and Hermann travel to from Hong Kong to Boston, and Newt tries to come to terms with a world that’s not ending and his feelings for Hermann that are becoming harder to hide.

find shelter somewhere in me“You ready for this?” Newt mutters as they approach the podium.Hermann shoots him the smallest smile, touching Newt’s wrist. “With you, always.”The Geiszler and Gottlieb Lecture Tour continues, and Newt realizes Hermann may not be coping with the aftermath of the war as well as he pretends to be.

Darling by BeeLoveIn which Newton rides Hermann for all he’s worth. Or at least tries to.

Our Breath Will Still / A Short Distance Ahead by irisbleuficThis story is a study in monster-hunting and risk-taking, professional and otherwise.

Problems with Local Denim Topology (accnt orphaned tragically)This is how, when the chaos of Newt’s life finally settles down into something approximating normal (one apartment, one nine-to-five job, one handsome husband, and no kaiju), he finds himself struggling to pull on an old pair of skinny jeans.

Sea Swept by cypress_treeA high seas fantasy AU in which Hermann is a ship’s navigator and Newton is found washed up among flotsam.

Surrounded by berlynn_wohl (all of this author’s newt/hermann PWP is like. fucking top tier.)Newt is involved in a teleporter accident, with sexy results. That’s it, that’s the fic.

Circumstances by glassfrogIt was Newt who suggested the handcuffs.

newmann drabbles & fics by skeleton_twinsa collection of short newmann fics

#maria's newmann blogging #ask #Anonymous

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scandeniall · 5 years ago

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mirrors for friends ch//1

Pairing: TBD x reader (repost bc its not showing up in tags and ive had ppl check too sigh)

| prev | next | masterlist |

Summary: Youre in a band, Mirrors For Friends with your college best friends Kuroo, Iwaizumi, and Atsumu. They're chaotic, your chaotic but you guys are on your way to the top together. Check a/n at end.

warnings: This IS multichapter. recreational marijuana mention. Everyone is over 21, tags will be added as needed but they're adults what do you expect.

wc: 1253

Inspiring playlists (updated as i find stuff) Apple music | Spotify

Ch. 1 // Mirrors For Friends: The Intro

The air was a mixture of sounds. Instruments being prepped, jokes being thrown, random conversations and the occasional song that played in the background. Just another day in Mirrors For Friends, well for everyone except for you. Earplugs in and an eye mask on, you’d been laying on the dingy couch since you arrived at the bar hours prior. Of course you just had to get a migraine on a day where your band had a show. It was about two hours to showtime, and you were just as good as dead. For once, you were thankful that you had your bassist, Atsumu to cover at least some of your vocals.

Atsumu, Miya. The youngest member remains a complete pain in your ass, but you couldn't see your life without him in it. He was the life of the party, and had been your party buddy during your early 20s. The one always down for a good adventure. You could always rely on him to tell you the honest truth, although it had taken a while to get past his overly blunt nature. Once you did, you saw the resident “pretty boy” for the dork that he was. The one who gets pouts whenever the conversation is moving too fast and he can’t think of a retort fast enough. The one who absolutely melted at the sight of food and would even share some of his brother’s famous onigiri with you. When he's not plucking bass strings he works as an assistant volleyball coach for the local high school. Your love for your band mate had eventually replaced your first meeting with the basest. A meeting than ended in you wanting nothing more than to wipe his stupid smirk off with your fist. You had just started your second year of university, completely minding your business until a stray volleyball made its way to the back of your head. Before anyone could even apologize, you’d manage to throw a few curses at the group of rowdy boys. Your future band mate had come over to apologize but ended it with “maybe you should've been paying more attention.” After flicking him off you never thought you’d see him again, until you were formally introduced by none other than your drummer.

Hajime, Iwaizumi. The drummer of Mirrors For Friends. The oldest member of your quartet. There was only one year between you and him, but two years between him and Atsumu. Iwa, is the backbone of the band. The most responsible one, having taken care of a drunk you more times than you’d like to admit. If your feet were ever hurting, he’d be the one to give you a piggy back. He definitely looked the most bad ass of you all, with two sleeves of tattoos. Despite that he has a soft spot for the band. He's the most responsible of the band, but you learned that despite that nature, he knew how to have fun. He’d definitely supplied an underage you with alcohol before. When he’s not playing with the band, he's a tattoo artist, and has tattoo’d every member of the band multiple times. In fact, he was the only person you trusted to tattoo you. You’d met him midway through your first year of university, when he was an apprentice. Despite being 19, he’d already had a full sleeve and a shiny eyebrow piercing. In his attempts to calm you down, you learned that he was only a year above you. He was definitely more calming than the jerk that had dragged you to the tattoo shop in the first place. That person being your guitarist.

Tetsurou Kuroo, the guitarist of Mirrors For Friends. He was one of the first people you’d met in university where he ended up being your across neighbor. You’d had your door open in an attempt to get some air circulation in the stuffy dorm, when he noticed your guitar. Full of stickers, it looked used and he was curious. After, finding out the two of you had a common interest in music, the two of you became best friends. He’d ended up being the brother you never asked for. His teasing is similar to Atsumu, however he knew how to keep up. You two became nearly inseparable. He was the member you tended to confide in first, because it was just natural. The one always down to just vibe. You remember the many nights spent in private study rooms, just writing and talking music together. You quickly found out that his writing skills were incredible, not only that but he had the best ear for composing of any of your band mates. Some of your favorite pieces came from writing sessions with just the two of you. When he isn’t antagonizing your band, he works as a TA for a science class at your university. He decided about a year ago to go back to school for a higher degree in biochemistry.

Then there was you. Lead singer, keyboardist, and occasional guitar player when you felt like it. At 26, you’d been in the band since you were 20, and you wouldn’t change it for the world. You loved writing, you loved performing and you loved your boys. Even now when you could feel napkins that you had no doubt were greasy pizza stained ones being thrown at you. It took for the fifth one to hit your forehead to finally sit up, removing both your earplugs and eye mask. Groaning at the combination of fluorescent lighting and noise you shot death glares at your band mates. Who were all miraculously just standing next to one another, pretending to have just been doing nothing but talking. “Would you three do me a favor, and drive off a fucking cliff.”

“I told them to stop,” is what Iwaizumi said, but the smirk on his face said he played a role just like your other idiots.”

“Dude you threw the last one!” Kuroo chimed in.

“Yeah well Atsumu started it”

“What the fuck Iwa- selling me out”

If it weren't for the pounding behind your eyes you might’ve been amused and the usual bickering between the boys. Afterall, it was never serious. If only you could enjoy it.

“Would the 3 overgrown toddlers shut up.” Burying your face into your hand’s you felt the couch dip beside you in the now empty space, and another voice picked up from across the room.

“Yo- what's with the attitude today,” your bassist questioned. He had settled himself on a smaller couch, eyes narrowed on your miserable form. Once he heard the mention of a migraine, his gaze softened. “Tsumu, I’m gonna need to to sing a little more today alright. '' The younger boy nodded, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. He mentioned something about going to look for a pen and paper, so you two could outline a plan and to make sure you had a stool for tonight.

“You wanna go smoke? It should help a little,” the body next to you moved and you looked up to see Kuroo, offering a hand.. “It’s a spot in the shade out back, c’mon.” You took the hand and before you could head out your last bandmade stopped you.

“I have enough time to go pick up some Advil and maybe some caffeine. Don’t smoke too much, you know how strong Kuroo’s shit is. We still have a show tonight.”

“Don’t worry daddy Iwa, I’ve got our beloved lead singer. We’ll be fine.”

-----

a/n: alright so i’ve been inspired by samwrites Elixir (which YES 100000/10 recommends) AND sam has had an anon talking band au’s lately AND i saw a msby band au edit on twitter so i cracked out my keyboard.

ok but seriously, idk which guy im gonna end up doing so for now itll just be band dynamics, and then whoever sparks my interest or whoever is voted on after a few parts will win. I did a randomizer, got a winner and started but then started feeling the other possibilities. Anyways whoever is not the chosen ones its just friendship, no love triangles and shit. But whoever wins, just know I have a potential plot for ALL ((((im just too un-dedicated and busy with summer college courses to actually fully commit to all of them)))

lastly, this is me again experimenting w/ diff ways of writing so bare with me AND if anyone cares i could make a taglist.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu imagines #hq x reader #atsumu x reader #kuroo x reader #iwaizumi x reader #hq imagines #mirrors for friends

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pllandcompany · 6 years ago

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(now if we’re) talking body

Summary: Roman should have caught this. But he didn’t and now Logan’s falling.

Warnings: food mention, anxiety mention, brief description of a panic attack, eating disorder/disordered behavior (big one for this fic), self-destructive behavior, injury mention, brief blood mention, fainting, hospital mention, needle/IV mention, crying

Tagged: @shxtxpp @apologieslogan @crofters-jam @asylia5911 @ab-artist @band-be-boss-blog @unbefuckinglieveable@flyingfreeyt @thecatchat @thefallendog @backatthebein

Notes: Hey, remember that ice skating AU I came up with months ago? And I said I would definitely write in it? And then proceeded to crawl into a hole of my own shame never to be heard from again? Yeah, me neither, no idea where this came from. On a serious note: please heed the warnings on this one, y'all. The entire subject centers around someone struggling with an eating disorder. If that is triggering or upsetting to you, please don’t read it. Parts of it were honestly hard for me to write. If you do read it, I hope you find some sort of catharsis with it. Know that if you battle these issues or issues like it that you are not alone. There is always help so talk to someone. Reach out. Tell ANYONE who will listen. All right, loves, stay safe.

If Roman is honest with himself, he has to admit that it took him just a bit too long to notice what was happening with Logan, for his taste at least. Logan is his competition, sure, but he’s also his friend in an ‘I hate you, please love me’ sort of way. He should have noticed sooner. Well, that’s not totally fair. He did notice some things. But for some reason, he just didn’t say anything. Maybe he was afraid. Maybe he wanted to be absolutely certain, maybe he just didn’t want to deal with it; he doesn’t know. What he does know is by the time he finally finds the bravery to connect the figurative dots, it’s almost too late.

It starts when Logan comes back from the off-season looking, well, different. He’s leaner, especially in his waist and legs, and while his body is certainly more…defined, it’s also definitely smaller than Roman remembers. It’s not a bad look by any means, it’s just very different, enough to make Roman pause and take stock of the svelte man in front of him.

“You’ve been training hard this off-season, Specs.” Roman means it to be an offhand comment but something in the way Logan’s shoulders stiffen makes him wonder if he should have said anything at all. Logan looks up slowly and blinks at the redhead, an impassive expression on his face.

“I always train in the off-season. It’s important to maintain strength and endurance so the transition into training at full capacity is less of a strain on the body.” He sounds like a textbook, the Skater’s Guide to Success or something and Roman stifles a chuckle, not wanting to offend his friend any further than he apparently has.

“I know that, Wikipedia. I mean that you must have been doing something different. But you look good! Just different than last year. You’re…smaller and more…muscle-y.” He rubs the back of his neck in an uncharacteristic display of insecurity, nervous that the tension radiating off the dark-haired skater is partly his fault.

“That is not a word but…thank you, I presume.” Logan looks so uncomfortable that Roman has to get up and leave, heading out to the rink before he even fully has his skates on.

“You’re welcome. I’ll, uh, see you out there.”

After that awkward encounter, Roman vows to not say anything else about Logan’s appearance.

****

The next thing Roman notices is Logan’s eating habits have changed.

It’s not like the boy had a huge appetite to begin with, typically electing to eat smaller, more frequent meals throughout the day. But lately, Logan has been skipping his snacks in favor of more practice time. Roman figures he just started making up for it at the normal scheduled mealtimes but when Logan comes in one day with just a small salad with no protein or dairy in it and then another day with a cup of grapes and some sliced apples, he realizes that he’s cut back there too. Regardless, he’s still eating and he still drinking water (he thinks) so it can’t be that bad, right? Shaking the worries from his head, Roman just barely brings himself back to reality in time to notice Logan’s stiffened up again, only this time the cause of it seems to be whatever Patton is saying to him.

“Logan, are you sure you’re not hungry? I have another piece of string cheese and a tangerine if you want it.”

Logan is sitting on the bench they’re sharing with his body slightly hunched over, arms folded across his stomach. To anyone else, he just looks a little cold but Roman can just barely make out the slight wince at the corners of his eyes. He’s definitely in pain and he’s definitely trying to hide it.

“I’m fine, Patton. I don’t need anything right now.” And Roman is certain that is a lie but he knows his teammate well enough not to directly call him on it. Patton, on the other hand, keeps pushing.

“Well, how about some water? Or a sports drink? You look like you might be cramping. You have been out there for a while without a break.”

“No, for God’s sake, I am fine, Patton! Will you please stop it with your incessant worrying?!” Logan snaps and immediately regrets it, doubling over as the effort of his anger causes another stitch to go shooting up his side, one he can’t cover up. Yet another thing that seems to be different; the usual picture of composure that Logan wears on the surface has slowly begun to dissipate, revealing a pulsing layer of frustrated magma underneath and more and more people have found themselves getting burned if they get too close. Patton, however, maintains a gentle look on his face even with the unexpected outburst but Roman can see the hurt and worry lurking in the bubbly skater’s brown eyes. He glances over at Roman briefly before standing up and preparing to walk away, leaning over for a moment. Roman cranes his neck to see Patton place a water bottle and the aforementioned fruit and cheese on the bench next to Logan. He seems to have recovered from his loss of temper and the subsequent cramp but now he is decidedly refusing to meet the older man’s eyes. Patton lays a gentle hand on Logan’s shoulder anyway and Roman braces for it to get knocked off but the moment never comes.

“Okay, honey. I’m sorry; I didn’t realize I was prying. But you need to take care of yourself, Logan. Food’s there if you want it.” Patton simply walks away after that, eyeing Roman sadly as he passes by. A moment passes before he steals another glance down the length of the bench at the now despondent Logan. He’s turning the small orange over in his hand, eyebrows furrowed in heavy deliberation over something that should be so simple. Roman knows better than that; he knows how complicated food can get for some people, especially athletes that compete at such a high level as they do. Admittedly, he never expected his overly logical teammate to ever struggle with something like this. Reason should surely step in and make this easy for the stoic skater, right?

When Logan eventually puts the fruit down and settles on taking a small sip from the water instead, it becomes clear that for him, this is very complicated.

****

Roman’s closing up the rink one night as a favor to his father when he gathers the courage to confront Logan about his recent change in behavior.

Trash is clear, showers are cleaned, doors are locked- you finished in record time, Roman Prince. He’s about to turn off the lights when he realizes that someone’s still on the ice. Roman is stunned, it’s well after eleven and it’s already been a full day of training. Who could possibly want to be practicing at this hour-

Logan. Of course.

Roman stands and watches for a minute as Logan glides across the ice, prepping for what looks to be his signature triple axel into a triple toe loop, a complicated sequence, sure, but nothing Logan hasn’t accomplished before. He figures he'll let Logan finish this element before he lets him it's time to go home-

Something's off.

Logan is far too tense. His shoulders are way too high. His legs seem wobbly and unsteady. And worst of all, he's not wearing any gloves, which would be concerning for anybody but is damn near insane for the typically pedantic skater who is more than happy to lecture everyone else about skate safety. It dawns on Roman just how long it's been since that man has walked into this arena.

And the man in front of him now? Couldn't be farther away from his normal picture of Logan if he tried.

Roman is just about to say something when Logan suddenly leaps into the air, attempting the jump. Right away, Roman can see plain as day that his approach is off and it throws his body out of alignment, causing Logan to over-rotate and come crashing down to the ice with a sickening smack.

Oh, God.

Thankfully, two things happen: one, Logan is smart enough to tuck and roll and land on his backside instead of his arm, thus avoiding a more serious injury, and two, he's not too far from the wall and slides into the flexible plastic, not too far from where Roman stands, momentarily frozen in shock. It takes a beat too long for his body to catch up to his brain screaming at him to move, run, go to him and finally-

"Logan! Logan, are you all right?" Roman leans over to see Logan seated on the ice, propped up against the wall and panting heavily. There are going to be bruises all over him, no doubt, it was a hard fall but nothing appears to be broken. Roman reaches out a hand to him, his concern for every aspect of his teammate's health growing by the second.

"Here, Lo, come on. Take my hand, let's get you off the ice. You can stand, right?"

Logan hesitates ever so slightly before he nods and Roman doesn't miss it. He suppresses the urge to wince at the weak, ice cold grip Logan has and instead focuses his energy on pulling the taller man to his feet.

"Turn towards me, grab both my hands. That's it, Lo. And I'll walk around and you sidestep; we'll meet at the entrance and then we'll sit and take a breather." It takes a moment for them to finally reach other. Logan is shaking badly and Roman keeps having to grab him to keep him upright. Finally, they reach the opening and the trembling skater practically collapses into his rescuer's chest, still breathing erratically as Roman holds him steady to check him over. He grabs both of his freezing hands and holds them in his warm ones, calmly whispering at Logan to take a deep breath, something he finally does himself. Eventually, they both calm down and a few moments pass before someone speaks.

"I'm sorry," Logan whispers. It's small and ashamed and it breaks Roman's heart just that much more.

"Please don't apologize. Just tell me what is going on." Logan's head snaps up and he almost looks like he's about to deny everything all over again and then he takes inventory of the situation and slumps over, defeated.

"I...I don't know what's happening to me."

"I think you do," Roman says, afraid yet brave for just a moment. Logan's eyes widen, fear turning over and over again in his stomach. "I think you know exactly what this is."

Logan nods, glossy tears threatening to spill out onto his cheeks. Roman is right; there is no fooling anyone anymore. He nods again and clears his throat twice, suddenly unable to unstick the walls to get anything out.

"Logan," Roman presses on, "you must know how this ends. You know this can't continue." Logan nods a third time, looking up at the concerned redhead through wet eyelashes as his voice makes a quiet comeback.

"I know...but I can't stop."

****

Roman regrets every choice he's ever made with Logan when it comes to their next competition.

He's waiting on the sidelines for his turn at bat, so to speak, when he sees Logan blow past them, ignoring them all and taking his place on deck.

"Well, what the hell was that about?" Virgil grumbles. "He didn't even wish us luck or anything!" Patton places a hand on his shoulder and offers up a weak smile.

"He's been...off lately, Virge. I think he just needs some space right now." Something in Roman's gut twists at that, the sheets wrongness of leaving Logan to his own devices eating at him. He glances over at Patton who gives him the same half-hearted smile and then glances down at a very stressed out Virgil with his face buried in his hands. Roman gets it and the ache in his chest subsides. Virgil's anxiety is playing against him and he doesn't need yet another thing to worry about. None of them do, really but that unfortunately doesn't stop anything from happening to anyone.

The three look up as they hear Logan's name called out over the loudspeaker and the cheers as he glides onto the ice, giving a the crowd a tight grin and a small wave. He's never been overly expressive with his entrance but yet again, Roman can see the extra stress around his eyes, the dark circles even more prominent against the pallor of his face, the way his legs tremble as he takes his starting pose.

The guilty churning comes back tenfold. Roman should have said something. He shouldn't be out there.

The music starts and like a light switch, Logan comes alive for a brief moment. It enough to make his teammates almost relax until he attempts his first jump sequence and it goes sideways, Logan wobbling as he lands.

"Did...did he just wobble on a triple flip?" Virgil asked, incredulous.

"He just wobbled...on a double flip...that was supposed to be a triple," Roman says, quiet and halting.

"Something's wrong." Patton echoes the thought radiating off the others. "Something's really wrong."

Logan barely makes it through the rest of his routine, tipping and wobbling on almost all of his jumps, modifying other elements down, an obvious display of a lack of confidence. His turns are sluggish and his moves lack more and more luster and enthusiasm as time goes on. No one would dare say this out loud but it's possibly the worst Logan has ever skated in a long while. Finally, it ends and Logan looks wrecked. Not only does he appear to be exhausted, his expression is utterly defeated as the crowd cheers out of sheer sympathy, still loving him despite the struggles he's had tonight. It doesn't seem to register to the tall brunette as he skates around to each side of the rink to acknowledge the audience, his chest heaving with the effort of fighting back tears and screams of frustration. His teammates look on, trying and mostly failing not to let their pity and shock show. The most steady and consistent person on their team just crumbled and none of them could speak. They could only watch as the person they knew faded in front of them, the sense that something had irrevocably changed haunting them all. Logan shakily starts to make his way off the ice, pinching the bridge of his nose when the unthinkable happens and his blades slide out from underneath him, pulling his body down to the ice, limp and unconscious and not moving.

Chaos erupts as medics and coaches flood the ice and the crowd shrieks in horror. Roman almost leaps onto the ice himself but he's pulled back by someone he briefly struggles against. He finally registers Patton's blonde curls and suddenly he can hear again.

"Roman, stop it, do you hear me? You can't help him right now, the medics, they've got him, okay? He'll be okay, just let them do their job! Roman, look at me, look at me! He will be okay!" Patton's voice is shaking with uncertain sobs but still Roman nods, knowing that it's truly too late, the time for action on his part has long since passed.

"Come on now, come with me, come help Virgil, he needs us right now." Roman looks over to see the small skater curled up on the bench in the throes of a panic attack. Roman grabs his hand and places it to his chest absently, taking one last glance back at the rink. The sound of Patton's counting Virgil’s breaths fades into the background as he zeroes in on Logan's unmoving frame between someone's legs. There's a small pool of blood on the ice around his head.

The sight of it makes Roman want to vomit.

****

It’s hours later when Logan wakes up to a slow, steady beeping machine. Hospital, it registers, and he wants to groan out loud but there’s barely enough energy left in his body to open his eyes. His head hurts, his body hurts, and his throat feels like sandpaper. He tries to shift and something pulls at his arm, what is that? Oh. The IV, pumping me full of sugar and fluids that are just going to-

Keep you alive.

Is this really where he is? Is he really so far gone that he fears something as innocuous as an IV drip? Is he really at such a low point that he needs to be on a IV drip?

What the hell has he done to himself?

A small gasp startles him and he turns his head too fast to the left, a wave of dizziness crashes into him briefly. Roman seems to notice and pulls over a small cup of water with a straw. Logan hates himself for it but he pauses for just a second. Roman stays patient, his face unreadable as he waits for Logan take a sip, pushing the cup away gently when he’s done.

“Thank God you’re awake,” Roman mutters.

“I take it that I didn’t place,” Logan responds dryly. Roman raises an eyebrow.

“Really? That’s what you’re concerned about?” No response. “No, you didn’t,” he sighs out, “gold went to another team. I took silver and Patton was just shy of bronze.Virgil..Virgil struggled too.”

“I probably terrified him.”

“You terrified all of us.” Roman’s tone was soft but abrupt. “You weren’t moving, I thought you were- I thought...” He cleared his closing throat, swallowing the lump that had formed there. “Anyway...if you’re worried, we’re handling the press. My father is releasing a statement that your...collapse was due to a recent bout of severe flu that turned into pneumonia. You’ll be taking some time off to recover in the hospital and then at home privately until you’re strong enough to compete again.”

“Your father would do that for me? That’s...that’s wonderful. That’s just- it’s- that’s just perfect!” Logan breaks down sobbing before Roman can even blink and to his surprise, it chokes him up too.

“Logan?”

“They don’t see me, Roman. Your father would lie for someone he hardly knows. But my parents..I’m never good enough for them. I’m not good enough for anyone. And I try to make myself perfect but they still...they don’t see me.”

“So your answer is to disappear?” Silence again. “Logan...this has to stop here. You need help or you’re gonna...please tell me you’ll end this.”

Logan swallows thickly. “You know I can’t promise you that.”

Roman drops his head, the urge to cry only growing stronger. “I should have done something. I should have said something sooner.”

“Roman, this isn’t your fault.”

“No, I knew! I watched this happen! I watched you deteriorate and I said nothing! And now you’re...” A hand reaches across his face, wiping the tears that had collected on his cheeks.

“Alive, Roman. I’m still alive.” Roman nods, the guilt slowly easing its way out of his chest. He grabs Logan’s hand and squeezes, both of them clinging to the fragile strands of hope that connected them.

As long as he was alive, he still had hope, right?

#sanders sides #logan sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #sanders sides au #my writing #tw:/eating disorder #tw:/anxiety #tw:/fainting #panic attack #fainting #logan angst #ice skating au #tw;/blood mention #tw:/needle mention

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mastersvisualjournalmclain · 4 years ago

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Supervision 3/4 & The Varnished Truth

In my discussion of my supervision sessions here, I try to highlight one or two major themes, points, or ideas that really stood out for me and that I need to pay attention to, and more importantly, what that means to me, rather than provide a blow-by-blow recap of what happened or what was said.

Last week, my supervisor and I discussed the importance and quality of the wet plate portraits I’d done back in June and I showed her some digital test shots of still life work that I’d done and was emulating wet plate with these pictures to get a feel for how these might turn out. When she pressed me about why I wasn’t doing more with the portraits (which I really find satisfying for a variety of reasons), I said because I could actually do digital work in my flat right now, not rely on work that hadn’t been done in the course of this calendar term. This led us into a discussion of the appropriateness of using work that you’ve done previously and incorporating it into a work or project that is currently under production. I came to the realisation that this constraint (that word, again) that I was placing on myself, rather than any prescription from anywhere else, and most importantly, that it was really limiting and unhelpful in the progress of my work. This realisation, and the sense of release and relief that came with the understanding that I was imposing something on myself no one else was that was unrealistic, gave me a greater sense of freedom to explore the older work.

A second, more pragmatic topic emerged when we started talking about permission to utilise people’s images in the project. I am quite conscious of the ethical and legal dimensions of using someone’s image in my work. Having worked in high schools, I assiduously avoided taking pictures for my own use that even *might* include a student in the frame because I don’t want to deal with the hassles, and, to be honest, the appearance of taking a picture of a minor, especially if it might appear in a social media context. That said, when I’ve been working on wet plates, I’ve been working primarily in an open studio situation, where lots of artists have mini studios in a large building, and when I’m going to do a plate, I run around and find people willing to sit in front of the camera for about 5 minutes while I create the plate and shoot it. If someone doesn’t want to sit and have their picture taken, that’s usually the moment where they opt out. But I was resigned and dreading that now I would have to go back and ask for permission and potentially ask them to sign model releases to use the work in a public setting. But that’s the right thing to do. I was most concerned about an image I did of another artist’s kids (with her permission and their cooperation) which I feel is a very strong and really ‘works’ that I want to use might have to not be used if I couldn’t get permission from the parent and the kids themselves. Luckily, after sending out emails and texts, I’ve received positive responses for use from all the subjects bar one, whom I think I simply haven’t heard from yet because he doesn’t check email very often. But I do acknowledge not merely a legal obligation, but a moral one, to use people’s images with their approval, since we are making something together.

This week we discussed the contrast of old and new technologies on the work I’m doing. The portrait plates I’ve shot have been done with a ‘modern’ camera (an Intrepid MK IV Black Edition) which is made of 3D printed parts, but really, in wet plate photography, the camera is itself merely a lightproof box used to hold: A) the plate and B) the lens. These two elements are where the image really happens. The lenses I use are both quite old. One is a 300mm Ross Extra Rapid f/5.6 originally meant for 9x7 work. The other is an older, unmarked, likely French made lenses that is stamped by City Sales and Exchange of London. It’s a Petzval 150mm f/4 lens. It was possibly made as a magic lantern lens and repurposed as a camera lens by CS&E, who were notorious for doing just that. Both lenses have unique character to me; does is this ‘character’ objective, or is it because I know how old they are that I feel there is a unique feel to the images they produce? This is a question for philosophers to thrash out. Which they’ve been unable to do, convincingly. However, I do know that I love the images that they help to create and they both deliver images that are quite sharp in some areas with lovely bokeh in others. There is, I feel a warmth and a depth to them where the crystalline images I get with my mirrorless camera and its sharp autofocus feel a touch sterile. I am also keenly aware that I am using an historical object at a historical moment in human history. All of these portraits have been created using an old technique with mostly old equipment to capture people at an important moment in human history. And, while I’m not willing to ditch digital and go exclusively wet plate/film, there is a quality to the portraits that, no matter how much digital sorcery I use, can re-create the bespoke, one of a kind plate emerges from the tray of my wet plate rinses.

Another point that we discussed this week was two-fold. I have begun writing on my images. Wet plates are not pristine pieces. They are, like all people, flawed and imperfect. This is not a bad thing, to my thinking. I was working with a master furniture maker a couple of years ago on a project. He told me that so few people make a piece of furniture by hand any more that there are people who go out and look for flaws in pieces because imperfection is the only sure guarantee that the piece was made by hand. I like creating things. I like that the things I create are unique and one of a king. Yes, they can be scanned or photographed and those images can be reproduced, but the image itself, the sensory, tactile, olfactory image is alone in its existence. One of the things I love about wet plates, which, sadly will be missing from reviews is their smell. The final step of creating a plate is varnishing it. (See images below) Sandarac gum resin is mixed with lavender oil and alcohol to create this varnish. Even after drying, the aluminium plates retain a faint lavender smell which I find powerful in surfacing the memory of creating the plate. I would have dearly loved to be sitting in studio for a Review and pass around the small plates for people to see, touch and smell. Alas, another thing that 2020 has robbed us of.

The second element my supervisor and I discussed this week was my addition of text, in my own hand writing, to the digital images I am producing. I recently listened to an interview with Duane Michals and when I began researching him, I was struck by his incorporation of text into his images. I was also reflecting about a lecture from Critical Frameworks last semester that was a discussion of words as art. I wanted to place myself in the character of the people the images and get them to speak something to us as witnesses to COVID-19 and its myriad changes to our lives. I wanted these words to be live the images themselves, a little messy and imperfect. At the same time, I didn’t want to fill up the frame with words. I wanted to pair words up with the images that left things open to the viewers understanding and interpretation of the image. Remembering the lesson I learned last term, I didn’t want to fill up the borders of the images, which are being displayed digitally in November, and I wanted to give the viewer credit for being able to fill in the images with their own meanings about the correspondence between text and image. Showing her a few examples, my supervisor was quite supportive of the direction I’ve taken these images.

Finally, here are some pictures of me in the final step of making a wet plate, varnishing. The collodion emulsion on the plates needs to be durably sealed or else it will scratch and peel over time. The coat of varnish applied to them makes them quite durable. Tintypes from the 1850s on are still found today in attics, basements, etc after being stored in relatively abusive conditions that would have destroyed other photographic media and they’re little worse for wear.

(Many thanks to Alex Pomnikow for taking these images while I was working.)

#internship

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iamkatehardy · 6 years ago

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Dream Team (Eames x Reader) - Part 1

Tags: @sparklyreaderx , @titty-teetee , @iv-nyc , @but--dear-this-is-not-wonderland , @eap1935 , @ellar21 , @tiredoffeelinglost , @marvelgirl7 , @captstefanbrandt , @harleyquinns , @bsotstory

(Request : Hey. Eames lover here, I’d really love something where the reader and Eames are working on a really intense extraction with Dom and the rest and got paired up to go get information together. Anyway, they flirt the whole time and she teases him a lot so he’s really distracted during the final briefing at the end of the day. When Dom lets them go he pulls her aside and NSFW content ensues? Maybe with the prompt of 168? You’re the best. Love your writings! -A Fan - @itsfknshelby )

Summary: You meet Arthur to hear his proposition and on the way you meet Eames. Is he charming enough to convince you to understake a seemingly impossible mission?

Dream Team – Part 1

“I got a proposition for you.” – You couldn’t quite get those words out of your mind; whereas in a way they aroused your innate curiosity, at the same time they left you uneasy.

The wait seemed eternal; your stomach was in knots, making the mere acts of breathing or thinking straight incredibly difficult. Arthur’s words could have countless meanings, and all the reasonably possible scenarios crossed your mind on your way to the meeting spot. Before entering the hotel you stared deeply at your reflection in a window; straightening the exquisite dress that hugged your silhouette, you took the opportunity to breathe deeply, in an attempt of quieting your busy mind.

As you met Arthur by the bar, he turned around with two drinks, gently grazing your skin while handing you one; entwining his arm with yours, he escorted you to the table where Dom and Eames were enjoying their ridiculously fine bourbon.

“I must say that I’m profoundly disappointed; I thought I’d find a romantic dinner for two or something, a truly great proposal….” – The corner of your mouth quirked up in a teasing smirk.

“Another day, perhaps, but not today.” – Arthur pursed his lips for a second, before he gave you a half-smile.

“But then I saw Dom, meaning we’ll probably be talking a little business... Am I right?” – You gave Dom a narrow eyes appraisal look.

“As per usual.” – Dom got up and walked around the table, sliding his arms around you and hugging you for a second.

“And that’s Mr. Eames; forger, master of disguise, escape artist, and as much as I hate to admit it, a creative genius.” – Arthur introduced the man sitting on your right, Eames, who rose from the table, his hands going to the top button of his suit jacket to fasten it, like a true gentleman. – “Mr. Eames, this is (Y/N), an old friend.”

“You brought half of the team. Was it to impress me or to intimidate me?” – You turned to Arthur, before observing Eames with great interest as he came closer

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” – He had an elegant British accent; his voice was raspy and hot, like music to your ears. He took your hand, lifting it to his mouth and brushing a gentle kiss across your knuckles. The feeling of his luscious warm lips on your skin made you tingle, especially when his intense gaze traveled from your hand to your face. A charming man can be dangerous, especially when he knows it, and Eames knew it; a tempting smirk spread over his mouth.

“Pleased to meet you too.” – You gave him a polite nod and a flirtatious smile in response.

He stepped behind you, pulling the chair out for you. Eames was not your cup of tea, but you had to admit that he had the proper social graces of a gentleman, not to mention he was actually extremely attractive, maybe enough to make you consider switching your cup of tea.

“Thank you.” – As you prepared to take a seat, he brought it back in, before returning to his seat and unbuttoning the top button of his jacket once again.

Arthur and Dom took their seats.

“It’s been two years, three months and twenty six days since our last meeting. If my memory serves me right and it you know it does…” - Cocking your head to the side, you folded your arms over your chest. – “You gentlemen told me to get it together, start a new life, go straight… I did. I retired. And here I am, in some island in the back of beyond, just enjoying life, surrounded by flamingos. Why exactly would I leave this little piece of heaven behind, huh?”

“We’re working on something big...” – Dom started explaining.

“Look, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, I really do, but I’m not made for extractions, my last experience speaks for itself. You’ve got Arthur, he’s a clever man, and he can plan things down to the infinitesimal detail… And you’ve got a new forger, even Arthur compliments him, he must be good.” – You shrugged.

“If we want to succeed, we will need to assemble a dream team…” – Arthur then proceeded to say.

“And where would I fit in that team? Why would you need me now?” – You looked him dead in the eye. – “We go back a long way, Arthur, there’s no need to beat around the bush.”

He gestured for Eames, who put an old picture of a man on the table, sliding it towards you.

“Mallory Hanson.” – Eames said lowly.

“Gosh, your accent is disturbingly beautiful, even when I’m no idea what you’re talking about…” – You smirked, before taking a deep breath.

Nibbling his bottom lip, he gave you a side look and went back to focus on his explanation.

“Our patron sent us after information on Mallory Hanson, a sort of archenemy of his. The problem is Mallory Hanson died years ago.” – Eames tapped his fingers on the edge of the photo.

“I can do a lot of things, but being a psychic isn’t one of them.”

“He is legally dead, not actually dead. Hanson faked his own death in an accident, disappeared, and now he’s hiding under a new identity, off the radar, God know where. That picture is over ten years old, when he was last seen as Mallory… I believe he is currently known as The Spectre in the underworld, does that ring a bell?” – Leaning back on his chair, he observed you.

“I’ve heard he’s the kind of guy you don’t want to mess with, that’s what I’ve heard, Mr. Eames.”

“To mess with him, we’d have to find him…” – Dom added.

“But that’s where you come in.” – Arthur laid his hands flat in the table, leaning forward. – “(Y/N), you see things others don’t, you make associations others don’t, you have connections others don’t, and you work with intelligence assets very well. You’re the girl for the job. Forget the extraction if you want to, but help us get to this guy, I’m asking you.”

“Hanson’s out there, living some cover life he created. He likes a life of luxury and ostentation, meaning he won’t just lay low… There has to be some kind of trail.” – Eames turned to you.

“You found me, you can find him.” – You quirked an eyebrow slightly.

“It was extremely hard, dear.” – Eames smiled. – “It took months… But not as many months as we spent trying to track The Spectre, unsuccessfully.”

You sighed, burying your face in your hands.

“Anybody around you for ten minutes can tell you still got the bug.” – Arthur teased you.

He was right, you missed the old times; the challenge, the rush, the pleasure.

“I know I’ll regret this…” – You stared up at the ceiling panels. – “Regardless of my answer.”

Eames took a deep breath, laying his hand on your arm, as a last-ditch attempt to try and get you to accept.

“They say it’s better to regret what you’ve done than what you haven’t.“ – His thumb lightly rubbed your arm.

Arthur felt a lump on his throat; staring at Eames he cleared his throat. Eames got the message and put his hand back on the table, but an expectant look was still in his sparkling eyes.

How were you supposed to say no?

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distressedpanda · 5 years ago

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Her Song (Loki x OFC) Part 12

Warnings: Language, mentions of a panic attack (mild and short), pain and injury, fluff, angst (probably the most angst ever! *evil writer chuckles*)

A/N: First, yes that is A way to treat a burn. Especially one that would have so much debris in it (my brother went through it, I was there, it was awful). Second, I do not believe that Iloa could take on the Hulk and win, especially not right after the explosion. I took some artistic liberties with the character of the Hulk (sorry, not sorry). Last this could be a very triggering chapter for some, I know it was slightly hard for me to write. Having been through almost an identical situation as Iloa, it drug up some things. Read at your own discretion.

Also this is just super super angsty! It’s slightly ridiculous and I couldn’t love it any more! Just be patient, we will get there soon I promise. (;

As always let me know if you wish to be tagged.

Tags: @whosaidididthat @thenatallie

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

Much to her eventual dismay Thor did follow her onto the elevator, peppering her with questions about what she would have to do. She explained as best she could finally ending the conversation with, “You will just have to see, I can’t explain it.” No longer wishing to explain the intimacy of the situation she was willing putting herself in.

Reaching the recovery room door, she paused hand on the door knob unable to coax her hand into turning it so she could enter the room.

Thor rested a comforting hand on her shoulder blade, “Talk to me,” he stated softly.

She turned her fearful gaze to his crystalline blue eyes, seeking comfort there. “I don’t know what to say,” she admitted, the air filtering into her lungs becoming heavy. Releasing the door, she leaned back against the wall next to it.

His hand having slid from her shoulder to her arm, Thor gave it a gentle squeeze, “Tell me how you feel right now.”

“Apprehensive,” she admitted, holding his gaze. Watching his eyes soften in understanding, she found her doubts falling from her lips, “What if I am wrong about being able to help him? What if he is still in pain despite my efforts or even because of them? It’s all my fault this happened in the first place,” she was barely taking breaths between sentences, words. She could feel her head becoming light from the lack of oxygen.

Thor suddenly gripped both of her arms, shaking her slightly. “None of this was your fault,” he argued vehemently.

“Yes it damn well is,” she shouted back. “If I hadn’t lost control, the tower would never have been compromised. There would have been no need for construction. The Russians wouldn’t have had such easy access. They wouldn’t have blown up the fucking tower. Loki would be fine, Natasha would have been fine. Banner wouldn’t have lost control. No one would have gotten hurt. It is all my fault, Thor!”

She was hyperventilating and Thor’s worried eyes dancing back and forth between her own panicked gaze wasn’t helping anything. Her chest heaved with every clawing draw of breath, her lungs burning, vision fogging, ears ringing.

Thor pinned her in a tight embrace that had Iloa gasping in pain. “STOP!” He demanded, his deep voice ringing clearly in her ears. The first clear sound she had heard in days. And she did. Her breathing immediately evened out, her mind clearing slowly.

Thor leant away from her, loosening his grip but keeping her pinned against his chest, her arms trapped at her sides. “Don’t ever say such things again,” he warned. She blinked and frowned as his words came to her muffled again, her brain already attempting to come up with a counter argument, but he kept speaking, “If they hadn’t used the construction incident to infiltrate the tower, you are very aware that they would have found another way in. This is part of the job, not everything has to have blame assigned to it. And if you have too, it makes more sense to blame the Russians not yourself. This happened. Everyone is alive. Get over it.” He finally released her taking a step back.

Her head spun slightly as she processed his words and her sudden freedom. She couldn’t bring herself to place blame anywhere but on herself. It was what she did best, unfortunately. Internalize everything, making it her problem and no one else's. But as her brain sluggishly replayed everything he said, she captured the one sentence that would help. Surprisingly enough it wasn’t that she should blame the offending party. Get over it, rang in her ears repeatedly, becoming a sort of mantra that finally got through to her.

Thor watched her carefully for a moment letting his speech sink in. He saw her eyes clear from their earlier storm, then asked, “Are you ready now?”

She focused on Thor before nodding slowly. He reached out and opened the door, motioning with his outstretched arm that she should go ahead of him. She rounded the door frame, looking up at the hospital bed. Instantly all her fear and anxiety vanished. Loki caught her gaze with blazing emerald eyes and lifted his hand from where it rested on the sheets. He winced slightly but gave no other indication of pain, as he beckoned her to him.

She raced the short distance across the room to his side. She didn’t care that there were two other sets of eyes watching as she climbed up onto the bed, carefully tucking herself into Loki’s side, his arm draping effortlessly across her shoulders. Matching relieved sighs escaped them as she settled against him and he squeezed her shoulder soothingly. This was her warmth, her comfort. This was her place, her heart, her home. This is where she would always belong.

“Are you alright?” Loki whispered against the top of her head.

She nodded, “I am now,” she admitted. “You heard?”

He hummed his affirmation against her scalp and she shivered from the tingles that lit their way pleasantly down her spine. “I was afraid you were blaming yourself,” he admitted barely loud enough for her to hear.

She tilted her head up so she could see the lines of his face. His sharp brow and the hard lines of his cheekbones and jawline. His eyes were so open and exposed to her, only her. His paler than usual skin tone and the already fading scrapes on his forehead and cheek, the only indication that anything was amiss. He was breathtakingly beautiful, even with his current affliction, “I thought you were never scared?” she quirked an eyebrow teasingly at him.

“I did say that, didn’t I,” he scoffed. “Perhaps concerned was the word I was looking for instead,” he countered, grinning down at her.

She giggled, but was unable to respond, “Whoa,” Banner abruptly broke in. But when she looked toward him, he wasn’t looking at the pair on the bed. She finally noticed the additional medical instrument that had been brought into the room. There was now a patient monitor alongside the IV stand. It was connected to Loki in various places to monitor his pulse, oxygen levels, and blood pressure. Banner was concentrating intently on the screen, his brow wrinkling as he studied the readings.

“What’s wrong?” Iloa asked, almost losing herself to panic again.

Banner held up a hand, quickly looking over at her, “Nothing, absolutely nothing. It’s just that before you got here, his readings were less than favorable.”

Iloa wrinkled her own brow, looking to Loki who looked just as confused as she was, then back to Banner, “Are you going to explain any further?”

“Hmm?” Banner was looking back at the monitor. When he finally glanced up at the others in the room, he continued, “Right sorry.” He at least had the decency to look abashed as he finally explained, “Earlier his readouts were all over the place, high blood pressure and low heart rate, then followed shortly by low blood pressure and a much faster heart rate. His oxygen level was dangerously low as well.” He lifted his hands placatingly as Iloa stared wide eyed at him, her mouth dropping open in a gasp, “It’s alright, it’s alright. All of this is perfectly normal and expected from someone that has suffered an injury this severe and isn’t on pain medicine. Dangerous perhaps, but unfortunately normal.”

Iloa sunk closer into Loki’s side, her hand splaying protectively across his chest. Loki tightened his hold around her shoulders as well. Banner smiled at the show of affection, “As soon as Iloa came in contact with your person Loki, everything evened out. It’s like you haven’t been injured at all. It’s amazing!” Banner was beaming by the end of his explanation. “I must apologize to you, Iloa. I can’t say that I actually believed it was you causing the difference, until I saw it happen on this screen.”

Iloa ducked her head, feeling uncomfortable with the apology and praise. Loki spoke up on her behalf, “I could have confirmed it for you, without the need of this confounded contraption you have been torturing me with.”

“I would hardly call three sticky pads on your chest and a pulse ox on your finger torture,” Banner countered, amused at Loki’s air of irritation.

“These,” Loki stated, gesturing at the pads, “Itch. The cords attached to them are constricting. And this,” he added lifting his finger with the pulse oximeter, “Is heavy. As I said, torture.”

Thor laughed, after having stayed silent throughout the previous conversation, “Dear brother, I do believe you are whining,” he chidded with glee.

Loki snarled, “I would never.”

“Oh but you are,” Thor argued with another boisterous roll of laughter.

Iloa decided to cut in before the two of them could get out of hand, “Boys, you can argue your points at a later time. I do believe we have a more pressing matter to attend to, right Doc?”

“Yes, right,” Banner said, catching on to Iloa’s train of thought. “I don’t want you to move using your own muscles anymore than is absolutely necessary. But I will need you on your side at least.” He paused running a hand over his face before looking pointedly at Iloa, “I am not sure how you want to do this.”

She shook her head, feeling heat creep up in her cheeks, “I don’t know anymore than you. Just has to be skin-to-skin.” She looked up at Loki for confirmation.

Keeping his eyes on her, instead of looking up at Banner, Loki added, “The more contact the better.”

“Right, well, I am not going to ask anyone to strip in my recovery room,” Iloa flushed from head to toe, her stomach fluttering at the prospect of being naked with Loki. Though she had to admit, she didn’t want an audience in attendance if that happened. While Loki just gave a devilish grin, licking his lips like he wanted a taste. Iloa was beginning to remember why she had thought she should keep her mouth shut about helping.

They had just survived an extremely traumatic event after finally tearing down the walls between them. There was so much built up sexual tension now, it was like a gunpowder keg. One correctly placed match and it was going to explode, consequences be damned.

This whole situation could very well end up being that match.

Gritting her teeth, she inwardly beat the flutters into submission. Knowing her confidence wouldn’t last long when she started to give orders, she hurriedly started speaking, “Banner and Thor, you two can roll Loki onto his side. Loki, I am going to stay in front of you with my hands and arms against your chest. You need to relax enough to let them move you without any help from you. We will take it slow,” she looked up at the other two before settling her gaze on Loki once more. “If you need them to stop, if you need them to go slower, or if anything else happens, and I mean anything, you have to tell me.”

Loki looked positively livid, but he nodded his head. She knew that he would not want to admit any weakness in front of others. But he could get seriously injured if they didn’t do this safely. “Promise me, Loki,” she whispered. He nodded his head again.

Her hands shot up to his face, tilting his head to her as their foreheads pressed gently together, “Promise me,” she begged, unable to hide the desperation in her off-key voice.

Loki couldn’t stop himself from melting into her touch as his eyes darted worriedly between hers. He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t make this promise. But as she held his gaze determinedly, he let himself give in, “I promise,” he whispered.

She closed her eyes, humming, “Thank you.”

When she glanced back to the others, she noticed Banner tucking the sheet over Loki’s waist more securely against his hip. And there was that blasted heat in her cheeks once again. Then he lifted the sheet underneath Loki from the mattress and instructed Thor to do the same. He caught her gaze, “This way we run less risk of overstimulating the nerves on his back, before I do the treatment,” he explained.

She tried to hide her flinch at that from Loki. She had nearly strangled Banner to death the first time he had done it. Stark had forcibly removed her from the doctor, kicking, screaming, and sobbing. She was not looking forward to it any more, with Loki awake.

Carefully she shifted her body back from Loki, keeping her hands on his face cradling his neck with her forearms. He released his hold on her as she moved back, her elbows nestling against his chest, she asked, “Are you ready?”

“Honestly?”

“Always.”

“Of course,” his quivering, unsteady, breathy answer, gave him away.

“Liar,” she countered gently.

“Always,” he mimicked her earlier response. Taking a deep breath, he tried to relax his muscles one by one. To his disappointment it wasn’t working. Finally deciding it was now or never, he closed his eyes, grit his teeth and gave a nod.

She looked up at Banner. He and Thor started slowly lifting the sheet to gently roll him to his side. “Relax, Loki,” she cooed softly. “I’m right here, don’t tense.”

To his surprise, he didn’t. He couldn’t lie, the sheet pressing against his skin hurt. But it wasn’t unbearable. Slowly the pair behind him rolled him to his side, where he nestled into Iloa’s awaiting warmth. He sighed heavily, their bodies laying pressed together from chest to toe. “That wasn’t so bad,” he admitted, wrapping his arms around Iloa securing her to his chest. The cords from the monitor tugging uncomfortably against his upper arm. Banner quickly taped them together hanging them over a hook over the monitor to keep them from coming in contact with Loki’s back.

Loki let his head settle against Iloa’s, pressing his cheek to hers, breathing in deeply to capture her scent in his lungs. Joyously, he felt nothing but the girl in his arms.

“That wasn’t the bad part,” she whispered against his ear. Banner had already begun to remove the bandages. Iloa tried desperately to keep Loki’s attention on her and it seemed to be working for now.

Involuntarily Loki tensed at her words, a single bolt of pain shot down his spine like lightning. But this was nothing compared to the waves that wracked through his body before. The bolt had made him aware that the doctor had started his work. The slight pull on his skin from tape being removed and gauze being lifted away had him breathing in sharply through his teeth a few times. Still it was manageable and didn’t explain the worry he could hear laced through Iloa’s broken tone. Finally lifting his head to find her blue eyes again. “What do you mean?”

Iloa traced his cheekbones with her thumbs soothingly, “The treatment,” she answered, her deft fingers abruptly moving into his hair and holding his head still.

Like the harbinger of death, her words brought forth the first wave of nauseating pain. He roared in agony, “You fucking mortal bastard,” he bit out over his shoulder, fighting against Iloa and now Thor’s hold as well. At some point he had rounded the bed and now had firm hands on the top of Loki’s shoulder, pinning him to the bed.

“Loki, look at me,” Iloa begged, “Please, Loki.” Finally getting his gaze back on hers, she flinched seeing his murderous gaze now aimed at her. “This is part of it. He has to scrape the dead skin and debris from the wound or it won’t heal properly. Trust me if there was any other way, I wouldn’t let him do this to you.” She tried to explain as tears bled from her eyes. Another cry escaped his throat, the sound of his misery tearing at her heart. His hands fisting tightly onto the back of her shirt, causing the pulse ox to dig agonizingly into her skin. Ignoring her own pain, she stroked his hair with one hand, massaging his scalp with the other. “Focus on my hands, Loki,” she tried to appeal to their connection, have him focus somewhere, anywhere else.

The next cry pulled the air harshly from Loki’s lungs and he slumped forward inadvertently pushing Iloa into the mattress beneath him. As he lay half on half off of the girl, he did focus on her hands. She never stopped moving them, shushing him quietly, calmly.

Trying to remember to continue breathing, he closed his eyes pressing his forehead harshly against her collarbone. He tried to focus on her warmth wrapping around his body, quelling the soul deep ache now coursing through his veins. Trying to capture the electric current that ran between them, but as soon as he grasped it, it was ripped from him by another wave of excruciating torment.

After his most recent roar, he crumbled tears pooling in the corners of his eyes. “It’s not enough,” he breathed into her clavicle. Her hands stilled in his hair, then one of them disappeared momentarily before returning to soothe once more. The pain stopped for the moment. He took deep steadying breaths trying to regain a mite of his composure.

“What do you need?” her voice quivered with her own commiserating misery. Terrified that she was no longer helping.

He just shook his head slightly. He didn’t know. All he knew was their contact was no longer enough, he needed more. So that was his answer, “More.”

She nodded, trying to think of how she could provide. His hands flexed against her back, pulse ox bitingly reminding her of their placement and she suddenly had her answer. “Loki,” she breathed, pushing down all nerves that threatened to stop her next words. “Slide your hands underneath the back of my shirt,” she barely spoke loud enough for him to hear.

He gave one nod, then followed her directions. Slowly he tucked his hands under the hem of her t-shirt. The pulse ox popped off his finger, but no one made any move to replace it. His hands met her bare skin and he sighed in much needed relief. Pushing his hands up from the small of her back, she arched her body carefully into him trying to ease his assent and he moaned but not from pleasure. Her shirt rode up over her stomach to press against his skin there too. He finally stopped his hands when they met her shoulder blades, his forearms and biceps pressed securely against her bare skin. He squeezed her against him urgently before allowing them to settle back against the bed again.

“Okay,” he breathed, in dire need of the torment ending as quickly as possible.

Eventually it did, when his tears had finally spilled over and he was certain he had left bruises on the soft skin still beneath his splayed fingers. His throat raw from his cries, he had somehow sunk to Iloa’s stomach, pressing his burning cheek against her cool sink. He didn’t move when that damnable doctor said he was finally finished, allowing Iloa to field the conversation for him.

“Good news is, I shouldn’t have to scrape the skin again. All debris and risk for infection appears to be gone now,” Banner explained as he covered Loki’s back with a cool liquid that soothed his ache further.

“And the bad news?” Iloa asked cautiously, still running one hand soothingly through Loki’s hair.

“Well it isn’t really bad, I just need to leave his back uncovered for a little while. It needs to air out and soak in the silver sulfadiazine. Not that the ointment itself will help much, but it will cool the overheated skin and the silver will help prevent infection. It just means he can’t move for a couple hours.”

Iloa glared up at Banner, “I don’t think he is going anywhere any time soon,” she snapped. She didn’t care if she was unnecessarily biting his head off. She had hated watching Loki suffer, it was so much worse than any time before.

“Iloa,” Thor interjected. But his conference was unwanted and she snapped her glare to him quickly in warning.

“No, she’s right,” Banner agreed rubbing the back of his neck. He reached to adjust the sheet more securely around Loki’s hips, making sure it wouldn’t come in contact with the exposed wound. Somehow it had managed to keep Loki’s more private assets, well private. “We will leave you two alone now. I will be back in a couple hours to place fresh bandages.” With that he quickly turned and exited the room.

Thor held Iloa’s gaze until it calmed, “You should apologize to him,” he said, nodding toward the closing door.

“I have every time,” she sighed. She wasn’t even angry anymore, she was just tired.

Thor nodded, turning to leave as well. He stopped at the door, glancing back over his shoulder, “You take good care of him now.”

“I always do,” she offered a small weary smile, which he returned before exiting the room as well.

Looking down at Loki’s wrecked and broken form, she had to fight a fresh wave of tears from falling from her eyes. She licked her dry lips, wishing she had asked Thor to get them some fresh water before he had left.

After a few quiet moments of listening to Loki’s ragged breaths, she asked, “Are you alright?”

Loki shook his head slightly against her stomach. “Distract me,” he said against her skin and she shivered.

Iloa stilled her hand in his raven locks, racking her brain for any way to complete his request. So she asked, “How?”

Loki groaned an after shook rippling through his muscles, “Tell me a story,” he begged through clenched teeth.

She blanked on a subject, thinking hard. She had pretty much covered her entire life with him already. There were finer details sure, but what would he be interested in right now. What could possibly be a sufficient distraction.

She could feel that she had been silent too long. Loki’s body trembling slightly in her lap. “What kind of story?” she asked.

He sighed heavily, his weight lifting and settling more firmly against her lap. “Tell me about your love life,” he blurted, going with the first thought that ran clearly through his mind.

A barked laugh escaped Iloa’s lips and she reached quickly to cover her lips. She cleared her throat before lowering her hand back to the bed, “That would be a very short story,” she admitted.

“Impossible,” he argued.

She frowned, her brow wrinkling in confusion, “How so?”

He shifted slightly, trying to see her. Catching on to what he was attempting, Iloa shifted to the side so he could see her face without having to move. Trying to hide her wince as the skin Loki had gripped so tightly stretched with her movement, muscles throbbing slightly. She didn’t want him to worry about having injured her. Propping her head up on her hand, elbow pressed into the mattress, she waited for him to answer.

“Iloa,” Loki started, licking his lips as his eyes scanned every inch of her face, “You are far too radiant for there to have been no interest in you.”

She flushed at his compliment, then giggled softly, “I didn’t say there was no interest. I had suitors when my parents were still alive. But I wasn’t interested.”

Suddenly feeling even more possessive of her, Loki bit out, “That means they are all dead now, correct?”

She giggled again, nodding at him genially, “You have nothing to worry about, they are all long since past.” Her brow wrinkled for a moment, before she asked, “Are you jealous, Loki?”

He scoffed and bit into his cheek trying to keep from groaning aloud. Catching his breath, he answered, “Don’t be absurd.”

“You would never,” she mocked.

“Of course not,” he agreed a little too quickly.

Lifting her hand from her face, she gently poked the wrinkle between his eyebrows, “Lair,” she said, returning her hand to hold her head up.

Loki tracked her hand with his eyes, all the way back to where it now cradled her cheek. His hand should be there instead. He flexed his arms around her waist gently, confirming to himself that she was indeed still within his grasp. She winced slightly, again, and he feared for the condition of her own back. Trying to stick with the diverting conversation, “You have never been in love before?” he asked. He wasn’t sure he really wanted the answer, but the distraction was working. So he resigned himself to receiving her answer.

Iloa thought about it for a moment. She lifted her gaze, focusing on distant memories from her past. Then whispered, “No, I have had sex before, but it was more like an itch that needed scratching.” She noticed his eyes grow dark and blurted, “But I have never been in love before now.” Feeling heat gather in her cheeks, when she focused on the last sentence that had escaped her lips. She ducked her head, her hair falling to curtain her face.

Loki couldn’t resist. Lifting the arm that wasn’t trapped between her and the bed hurt like hell, but he reached forward and tucked her hair behind her ear. His fingers lingering on her cheek as blue eyes met green, “Don’t hide from me, please,” he begged, “Not now. Not anymore. Your confession warms my heart, Iloa.”

Sliding forward until his palm lay flat against her cheek, Iloa closed her eyes with a hum of affection. The fluttering sensations she had fought into submission, came back with a vengeance. She could feel every place Loki’s body was in contact with her own. The press of his cheek against her bare stomach. The arm that was still wrapped around her waist, fingers pressed gently against the small of her back. His chest as it rose and fell against the tops of her thighs. And that hand pressed against her cheek, long elegant fingers lacing into her hair. All of that contact flooded her senses causing liquid fire to run through her veins. Could he feel it too?

Slowly she opened her eyes, meeting irises blown so wide she could only see the barest green ring surrounding them. The match, she thought. She knew at that moment that if Loki had been able too he would have struck that match and happily set them both on fire.

She shivered in his grasp and Loki groaned in response. But this time they both knew the sound had nothing to do with his pain, at least not pain caused by the injury.

The door to the recovery room swung open, snapping Iloa’s gaze from his. He groaned, this time, in frustration, letting his arm fall back to lay beside her. The sooner he healed from this ailment the better. He needed her more than he had ever needed anyone in his entire existence. He couldn’t help thinking that all this built up sexual tension was certainly out to kill him. He felt like he was burning from the inside out.

Banner made quick work of applying fresh bandages. Iloa apologized to the doctor several times before he finally waved her off telling her there was nothing to apologize for. “At least you didn’t try to kill me this time.”

Loki’s ears perked up at that, “You tried to kill him?”

Her cheeks turned the most delicious shade of pink and Loki had to bite back a moan at the sight, “I almost strangled him to death. Would have succeeded too if Tony hadn’t pulled me off of him. Luckily, I had the element of surprise and he was slightly weaker so soon after the explosion at the tower. So I avoided bringing out the good doctors alter-ego.”

Loki huffed at that, “Yes, lucky.” Having been on the receiving end of that alter-ego himself, he knew it was nothing short of luck that Iloa hadn’t had to face him.

With Iloa and Banner’s assistance, he was allowed to return to lying on his back once more. Once settled, Iloa tucked securely at his side once more, Banner excused himself for the night.

Loki squeezed her shoulder, feeling her tense beneath his hand. Looking down at her, he asked, “How bad is it?”

She shook her head, worried gaze lifting to his, “It’s not bad, I swear. Just a little sore.”

Loki didn’t believe her, “Let me see.”

Iloa’s cheeks heated, “Loki,” she drawled his name through a low whisper, “Are you asking me to take my shirt off?”

His jaw dropped at her tenacity, but he quickly recovered. Fixing his devilish stare on her eyes, “I can’t lie,” trailing his eyes slowly down to linger at her lips, “I would love to pick back up where we were interrupted earlier,” his voice low and husky, gaze dropping ever lower over her elegant neck before stopping at the tops of her breasts. He snapped his eyes back up to hers, “But I am more concerned about the damage I have done to you, at this moment,” his tone becoming deadly serious.

Iloa sighed, sitting up and away from his side. Loki let her move, dropping his arm from her shoulders, watching as she turned away from him. Slowly she gripped the hem of her shirt lifting it slowly up her back while keeping her breasts covered.

Loki groaned at the bruises that steadily appeared as her shirt ascended. “I am so sorry,” he breathed, lifting his hand slowly. Carefully grazing his fingers across the various marks he had left on her beautiful flawless skin. Of course it wasn’t flawless anymore, she was with him now. He ruined everything he touched.

Hearing the way his breathing suddenly became erratic short gasps for air, Iloa dropped her shirt. She spun around on her knees to face him again, taking his outstretched hand between both of hers. “Don’t be,” she assured.

“How can I not?” Doubt clouded angry emerald depths as he turned his face to look across the room.

Taking one steady breath, she answered with exactly how she felt, “Because I like it.” His head snapped comically back to her, wonder and disbelief painting his features. “I do. I sort of feel like you have marked me as yours with them.” She giggled, tucking her head down to look up at him through her lashes, “Does that make me sadistic?” she inquired quietly, hoping her answer would have the desired effect.

It seemed to do the trick. Loki suddenly gripped both of her wrists and jerked her to him. She had no way to keep herself from landing on his chest, tensing her back to help keep her body from hitting him too hard. Her forearms landed across his chest, her waist planted firmly against his. His nose brushed against hers with each breath he took, “You continually surprise me,” his voice filled with fascination. His hands trailed steadily up her arms across her neck to stop tangled lazily in her curls. His emerald gaze blazing as he took in every inch of her face like he was memorizing it.

The intensity of his gaze, set her stomach fluttering, heat pooling in her core. Her insides squirmed with need, she breathed against his lips, “That doesn’t answer my question.”

Loki chuckled, grinning at her daring attitude. He was enjoying this steady back and forth between them. Lingering on the edge of arousal, he shifted closer to her lips, “It doesn’t, does it,” he responded then brushed his lips softly across her own. Absorbing the fresh flood of warmth that coursed through him when she whined softly, he added, “I don’t think you are sadistic, my dear.” Finally he pressed his lips firmly against her own. Fingers flexing and gripping her hair, he smashed her face against his, desperately attempting to devour her mouth.

Matching moans erupted from gasping throats. Tongues dueling for dominance, hands gripping hair in desperation and desire. Their bodies quickly became overheated, until Iloa lifted herself to straddle Loki’s lap. He was eager for her contact, keeping his mouth against her just as eager lips, welcoming her movement. But when she sat down, it was too much pressure even with her small build. His back rippled in spasming protest. He jerked his head back to the bed gritting his teeth, even though her weight quickly vanished.

Her hands rubbed circles against his chest quickly, eyes wide with panic, “I am so sorry, Loki!” Her words grated against his ears, made worse by the attack and her unnatural lilt.

“Fuck,” he growled through clenched teeth and her hands left him. This was going to kill him. Not the injury, of course, but the fact that it kept him from getting what he wanted, needed, desired most right now. It felt like the world was still trying to tear them apart, even though they had jumped so many emotional hurdles already. Now they had to face physical ones as well.

The spasms dying off, he was finally able to find her face again. She had sat back away from him on her knees, her hands clasped tightly together, her head dropped chin to chest. That damned current of hair hiding her face from his eyes once more.

“It’s alright, Iloa. I am alright.” He needed her contact again, even if it couldn’t be anything more than comforting for now. The tension between them had dissolved the instant they had separated. Now he was simply exhausted.

She shook her head, refusing to look up at him, “No you aren’t,” her voice so small and broken in so many ways, he couldn’t possibly name them all.

He placed his knuckles against her knee. He needed her touch, she needed his comfort, “I am alright,” he stated with finality. “We just have to be more careful.” He groaned as he added, “We just have to wait for anything more serious.”

She nodded at him, lifting her head slightly and finally drawing storm filled blue eyes to his. He hated seeing them like that. They should never be anything but the blazing blue sapphires that normally held his gaze. “Come here,” he said lifting his arm slowly from his side.

Iloa hesitated, “What if I hurt you again?” She stated, voice still so small with a nervous edge wrapped around the question.

“You won’t,” he consoled her, “Come here, I am not asking.”

Slowly she rose from her knees, placing her hands carefully on the bed as she crawled up to his side. There was nothing seductive or suggestive in her movements, instead she just looked tired and emotionally worn out, the same way he felt.

Tucking her under his arm, he gently stroked her hair. Letting the feel of her wrap his body in its healing warmth. He moaned low in his throat, “Much better. Now sleep, my love,” he whispered against her hair. She nodded, sighing heavily.

When he was certain she had finally drifted off, he closed his own eyes allowing his bone deep exhaustion to pull him under into a blessedly dreamless sleep.

#loki fanfic #loki x ofc #tom hiddleston loki #angst #pain #somuchangst #didimentionangst

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