#the second quote for them is about mutual consumption)

[h0bbs-a]

𝚃𝙷𝚁𝙴𝙴:   𝙷𝙰𝙽𝙽𝙸𝙱𝙰𝙻 𝙻𝙴𝙲𝚃𝙴𝚁,   𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚂𝚄𝚁𝚁𝙾𝙶𝙰𝚃𝙴.

her hand moves slower than his,   slicing through vegetables with an acute care.   she cooked occasionally,   back at home although it was never at such an extreme as she found in his kitchen.   occasionally,   his brown eyes pierced from behind her,   watching her skill   &   technique.   it wasn't perfect,   but she's a quick learner   &   he takes note.   although her head doesn't flip around,   she takes note too of his intense gaze.   this feels familiar   &   yet in a new format.   if she couldn't see the niceties that surround her   &   instead saw an early two thousands,   not updated kitchen,   she could swear she was with her father.   the thought churns in her stomach with bile.   she speaks up to avoid throwing up,   " like this? "   she turns now with a smile on her lips,   her eyes bright:   he sees his sister.   " yes. "

when she first see h.annibal,   she cannot code him into her memory.   his hand is on her throat with a pressure that brings relief,   but there's too much blood gone to know if it's helping at all.   it does,   obviously as she wakes up in the hospital,   coated in wires   &   medical equipment that beeps so loud she cannot even hear herself think   (   though she can feel herself gasping for air   ).

he first visits   &   in all honesty her focus is on the man who she remembers,   that is until dr. l.ecter speaks.  when the man on the phone asked for her father,   abigail took note of his accent.   she also took note of will's notion that the man who called the house was another killer.   this should scare her,   &   it does indeed make her heart beat faster,   but she needs to move through the day,   get home,   answer questions she still has remaining.   all day with the man who called her dad   &   pushed him over the edge.

when she kills nick,   she dissociates,   butchering him in the pattern her father taught her.   that was muscle memory,   it's what she knew   &   what she knows.   dr. l.ecter doesn't seem to mind her violence,   in fact he offers to assist in the death of it,   &   that makes her question everything.   he is a compelling man   &   she is a girl with a square shaped hole in her heart   (click for reference).   where will tried to force a circle peg in,   abigail knows that h.annibal is the correct shape,   just smaller.   he's not her dad,   but he's something that can take his place for the pain to dissipate.

and dissipate,   the pain would.   he helps her with nightmares,   &   she starts to trust him.   it is not love,   nor is it care,   but it is trust:   a mutual trust that she lacks with will g.raham.   he tells her of what she can be while her mind is high,   &   he fills in the hole left within her with the perfect warmth.   it feels good to remember what a father felt like,   what a father was before he was violence.

the two move in tandem,   &   unlike will,   h.annibal seems to see abigail for what she is,   for what she could be,   rather than a victim.   he makes that point clear to her multiple times throughout their acquaintanceship.   she is a survivor,   not his victim   (   an obligation,   sure,   but isn't that what a child is?   ).

when she admits to her aide in the crimes,   he is calm,   which confuses her.   she is a monster,   but not to him.   is it simply a monster recognizing a monster?   she wonders.   or is it simply broken recognizing broken?   his arms feel like a surrogate to the hugs her father gave her following a nightmare,   his kiss on her head just the same.   she is using him,   &   she's sure he's aware.   she is using him to fill a vacancy in her heart,   that can't be wrong!

will g.raham scares her,   &   h.annibal lecter eases her.   she does not love him but she needs him to survive,   to cope:   &   for all she's done,   he's the one person who doesn't make her feel grotesque for it.   so he helps her kill abigail h.obbs as she knew her,   helps her bury that fear   &   unlock a side of her that she was unaware of.   she is not her father's blood,   she is her own thing,   her own woman.

he could not protect her in this life,   but that doesn't mean he can't in the next one.

abigail h.obbs is dead,   &   with it comes a second birth,   an awakening.

for him,   abigail h.obbs   &   any future iteration is second chance after second chance.   he's failed her,   not her,   her   (   mischa   ).   if he protects abigail,   he's making up for it.

it takes long for her to love h.annibal lecter.   he is for the longest time,   a warmth that is taking up the place of garret jacob h.obbs,   but as time moves on,   that hole that once held her father,   shrinks,   &   a new place is made in her chest for him.   piece by piece she pulls him apart,   moving one from the cave of the minnesota shrike to a new place just for him.   it's unnatural,   that is how they are   &   how they will continue to be.   to be natural following what they went through would be unholy itself.

her father is dead,   the surrogate is the closest she will get,   she accepts that   &   just as every child does their parent,   at least for the first year,   she loves him because he is her survival.   there are kinder pieces scattered in with it,   but at her core:   all she wants is to survive,   that's what this is,   love through survival.

[shina913]

Scale, Part 6 | KSJ

Scale, Part 6

Definition: A beam that is supported freely in the center and has two pans of equal weight suspended from its ends; Something graduated especially when used as a measure or rule: such as (a) an indication of the relationship between the distances on a map and the corresponding actual distances; (b) a series of marks or points at known intervals used to measure distances; A graduated series or scheme of rank; A means of ascent.

✮ ✮ ✮ Scale Masterlist ✮ ✮ ✮

Pairing: KSJ x fem!reader; appearances by OT7

Rating: Mature content (21+), no minors please!

Genre: Rich boy!AU; CEO!AU; strangers to lovers; fluff; angst; smut

Count: 12.6K+ words (a monster!)

Warnings: socioeconomic imbalance; heavy cussing; hints of arranged marriages; mentions of surgery; SMUT; penetrative sex; unprotected sex; oral sex (mutual); moral degradation (not by Jin); alcohol consumption

Summary: Kim Seokjin lives in a world where money is no object as he is the heir to his family's lucrative company; OC is a scrappy go-getter who has to work hard at multiple jobs to meet her financial obligations. When their paths cross, they'll have to figure out whether they can find a balance point between themselves and their lives.

A/N: Lots of 'technical' talk here as my underlying plot is set in motion. Overall--it's pretty fluffy until you get to the end...😬

Also--the place where they go have dinner is a real place that I've been to within my area. I thought it made for the perfect, chill setting!

❤️, comment, reblog, or send me an ask 📩. Would love to know what everyone thinks. My taglist is open as well if you're enjoying this and would like to keep up on new chapters. Just DM me!

“Hey…welcome back,” Hoseok said softly while giving you a hug. It didn’t matter that you were in a professional setting. Hoseok wore his heart on his sleeve. After all these years of working at his company, he’s never made you feel like an outsider. He cared about his staff—they were his second family.

“Thanks, Hoseok,” you said as you pulled away from him. “I’m happy to get back into the swing of things.”

“Are you sure you’re good? I know you mentioned something about a private nurse taking care of your dad...I want to let you know that if you need more time or need to work from home, you can?”

“I appreciate that and truthfully, I might have to work from home maybe one day a week just so I can keep my dad company but I’ve been repeatedly assured by this agency that my dad is in good hands,” you explained.

“Well, either way, we’re glad you’re back. Work’s been steady and that new client has been dumping new records.”

“Still? I thought that we had all of their books as of last week?”

He sighed. “Apparently there were some—“ he did an air-quote gesture with his hands, “‘New revenues,’ that just cleared the 4th quarter and they sent it over via courier to avoid getting audited further.”

“By courier, huh?”

“Yeah. Actually, your friend Taehyung dropped them over not too long before you arrived.”

“Oh! Darn—guess I’ll just catch him when I get home.” You were glad to hear that Taehyung was slowly getting back to work. You were sure that he was itching to get his income jumpstarted again.

“Alright, well—I’ll stop by with those new books in two hours. I just need to look them over. Would you mind cross-checking afterwards?”

“Of course not! Put me to work, boss!”

Hoseok grinned. “That’s why you work here. I love your energy!”

Hours later, you combed through the first stack of records from the new client. You flagged a few inconsistencies that you found. You kept an open mind and figured that the client’s accounting team was just rushing to get their financial records out to beat the tax deadline.

Still, you kept them marked up so that Hoseok could run an accurate report to let them know later on whether these inconsistencies were enough to warrant a higher level of scrutiny—usually done by the federal government itself.

And once he sent off that recommendation to the Internal Revenue Service, there was little else that clients could do since the firm solely did independent audits—meaning you weren’t necessarily accountable to anybody but the government.

A government audit is the last thing that these corporate conglomerates need. Things like these were usually leaked out to the press and it was bad for business.

Many clients whom you’ve recommended for a government audit usually threatened to sue Hoseok and your firm but no lawsuit ever stuck. He ran a clean operation and that was how he intended to keep it.

Just then, he walks by your desk, briefcase and files in-hand. He had his jacket and a tie on which only meant one thing...

“I’m heading to court, YN. Are you good here?”

Once or twice a month, Hoseok or one of the senior partners would be called in to participate as expert witnesses and present their findings in fraud cases.

“I hope it’s not too overwhelming on your first day back.”

“Not at all! I actually just finished one set of the client’s records and am about to get started on the next set. I flagged a few inconsistencies,” you said.

He pursed his lips and furrowed his eyebrows. “Mm—you found those too, huh?”

You nodded then shrugged a shoulder. “I mean…maybe these were just rushed and cobbled together so, it could be nothing.”

“YN, in our line of work, if you see something off, it’s never usually ‘nothing.’ That’s why we’re good at what we do,” he says proudly.

You smiled.

As a forensic accountant, Hoseok recognizes the value of integrity more than anything. He found things that other people thought that they had skillfully tucked away. He had a great eye for detail and nothing could get past him, which is why he was great at his job.

“Alright, well—Mayumi is in charge in my absence so, if anything needs my authorization for the rest of the day, just put it on her desk to sign. Otherwise, I’ll get to it on Monday,” he instructs.

“Will do. Good luck!”

“I don’t need luck. The numbers will speak for themselves. Have a good weekend, YN,” he calls over his shoulder as he walks towards the exit.

That evening, you skipped your shift at the diner, opting to work Saturday instead so you could give the night nurse a break and make dinner for your dad.

He was doing well a few days after surgery. You also decided to tell him about more recent developments in your relationship with Jin—much to his delight.

“I had a feeling,” he said as he slurped on his soup.

“How? You were basically unconscious most of the time.”

“My intuitions are not as sharp as your mom’s—God rest her soul—but I noticed a change in you. You seem—lighter.”

“Hm,” was all you could muster with a soft chuckle.

“Anybody who makes my YN happy is always great in my book,” he says with a smile.

******

Coming back to work and getting used to a routine after being off for almost a week was not without its challenges but you were glad to get back into the swing of things. The good thing was that you had most of Sunday to recover before putting in those long hours and late nights once again.

By late afternoon, you were a ball of nerves while you anxiously waited for Jin to pick you up. He repeatedly told you to just be your lovely self around Haejin. You weren’t sure if snarky, dark-humored YN would charm his sister.

You also asked if you needed to dress fancy or relaxed. Even though you only caught a glimpse of her at the gala, Haejin wore what looked like a custom-made designer dress. She looked incredibly classy–much like high-fashion models that walked the runway.

“YN–seriously, Haejin is probably the most chill person you’ll ever meet. I mean–she can be a little neurotic–but then again, I grew up with her so that’s just my opinion,” he said over the phone on Friday night.

That didn’t help you at all but since Jin says you’d be dining outdoors, it was better to dress comfortably and warmly so you settled on some leggings, a long-sleeved tee layered with a zip-up hoodie. You figured you would just bring a down-jacket just in case it gets cooler.

Since you still had his car, you told him that you could drive to meet him there but he said that he wanted to come and pick you up since he wanted to go and check in with your dad anyway.

Your dad let Jin in, thinking that it was the night nurse coming in to check on his condition. You didn’t expect him to arrive this early as you were just finishing up getting ready. You could hear low voices in the living room as both men casually conversed followed by a sudden eruption of laughter.

“Dad! No extreme emotions,” you yelled out from your room as you pulled your hair up in a ponytail.

Just then, you heard a squeaky window-wiper laugh closing in from down the hall before stopping at your doorway.

“You’re early,” you said as you spotted his reflection from your mirror.

“No rush,” he says as he leans on your doorframe. “I wanted to have a quick chat with your dad anyway. It’s good to see him up and about.”

“Yeah…the nurse said that it’s good for him to move around. We drove out to the pier early this morning.”

“I’m sure he loved that,” Jin said amusingly. “And you can keep the car for as long as you need to,” he adds.

You tilted your head slightly. You were actually really grateful for the car. You were able to run errands easily and able to take your dad out around the city for some fresh air. “Thank you–It’s just until dad’s next appointment,” you gave him a small smile.

“Seriously, there’s no rush, YN. It’s not like I need it. It’s paid in full and the great thing is that you don’t need to put gas in it. Insurance is taken care of, too.”

You chuckled uncomfortably. “Jin, you are not giving me a car.”

“I know that. It’s on loan…indefinitely,” he says a little too casually.

“Anyway, what did you need to talk to my dad about,” you said as you retrieved a pair of socks out of your dresser.

“I just asked for his permission to whisk you away for the night,” he said simply.

Your jaw dropped. “Uhh—what?“

He chuckled. “He said that I didn’t need to ask and that I could steal you away whenever I wanted to.”

You tried to stifle a smile as you walked towards him. He mentioned that he lived far away from the city and you weren’t sure if you were comfortable being that far away from your dad yet.

“I don’t know, Jin…“ you said worriedly.

“Honey, I’m a grown man. I don’t need you to watch over me,” your dad says as he hobbles along the hallway. “Besides, the night nurse is coming soon. Go and have fun!”

He said the same thing exactly a week ago—when you were out having fun with Jin until Taehyung found him unconscious.

“Dad—“

“Honey, I’ll be alright. I’m all fixed up, see?” He gestures at his chest. “I’m taking my meds, eating better…”

You looked at him apprehensively.

Sensing your hesitation, he reassures you. “Please…it’ll break my heart even more if you don’t enjoy your life after everything that we’ve gone through in the last week. Don’t waste it.”

Seeing your dad on the brink of death was a daunting memory that you’ll never be able to push aside. But instead of being a recluse, he wanted the experience to propel you to enjoy your life more. It didn’t always have to center around responsibilities or work. Nobody ever had their gravestone say, ‘Here lies YN. A solid employee who never went out to live their life.’

You look at your dad then back at Jin.

“But don’t you live far away?”

Jin straightened up and put his hands in his pockets. “Actually, I just bought a small place in the city again. Just…something convenient for,” he shrugged his shoulders, “When I’m working late at the office or…if there was an emergency…”

“Riiiight,” you dragged out while you eyed him suspiciously.

“See? You can always get back to me easily,” you dad says, trying to drive the point home.

You eyed both of them once more. “Uh…I guess so.”

“Told you,” your dad says smugly, holding his hand out as Jin sniggers before lightly smacking his own palm against it.

You rolled your eyes at whatever their inside joke was, at your expense. “Seriously? You guys are like children!”

“C’mon, baby—go pack an overnight bag. I’ll wait out here,” Jin says as he and your dad chortled on the way to the couch.

******

You arrived at your dinner location about half an hour later. It was a former military base port in the city whose facilities were remodeled to house public events from swanky food and wine festivals to campy fan conventions. At night, it was all lit up and you could hear the waves if you stood by one of the outposts.

The actual dinner location was outdoors. It was an open-air lot situated between what used to be old military barracks and was now home to a food truck pod that rotated options on a weekly basis. Since Haejin and Jin couldn’t decide where to go, they figured that this should cover all the bases. The food trucks offered a variety of cuisines from burritos, steamed buns, cheese fries, gourmet grilled cheese, and even ramen burgers! There were a variety of dessert trucks to choose from as well.

It seemed like a fancy, yuppie, hipster place for dinner but it was actually very chill because you could sit wherever you felt, whether you were in a small or large group. It was all very casual, which Haejin thought would be the perfect setting to make you feel comfortable.

You all met up at the parking lot before heading in and exchanged introductions there. Haejin gave you a tight but warm embrace–even asking about how your dad was doing. You thought that she looked beautiful–it clearly ran in their genes. You didn’t know who else could pull off leggings, a slouchy, oversized hoodie topped with a messy bun all while still looking incredibly polished.

Her boyfriend, Jungkook, seemed nice as well.

“Nice to meet you, Jungkook,” you said after you turned away from Haejin.

He hugged you tightly and said, “Thank you, YN. Jin-hyung has been in a much better mood at the office since meeting you. Please keep doing the Lord’s work,” he snickered while pulling away from you.

Jin shot him a warning look. During the week, Jungkook was all about serious business that made it seem like he was a decade older than he actually was. But on days like these, he was just a cheeky 20-something year old who let loose–and it showed.

You made some small talk as you walked into the where the food trucks were, mostly scoping out some tables. You showed up early enough so it wasn’t quite packed. Plus it was a Sunday so it didn’t really get as crowded but Jin didn’t want you all to stay out too late since tomorrow was the start of your first full week and he wanted you to get a full night’s sleep.

You scoped out the options and as you walked through before settling on a vacant picnic table.

Jungkook and Jin took your orders and left you and Haejin to have a chat while the guys got in line to grab your food.

You and Haejin talked casually–mostly about the most random things from the weather to your favorite TV shows.

The guys returned a few minutes later with armfuls of food that you all shared.

“So what do you do for work, YN,” Haejin asks.

“During the day, I work for an accounting firm. I’m not an accountant but I mostly do administrative work–”

“Which is still important and relevant work,” Jin emphasizes while he chewed on a mouthful of dumplings.

You smiled at how supportive he was and gave his shoulder a squeeze. “Yes, thank you, Jin. Uhm–then at night, I work as a waitress at a diner. I’m sort of my dad’s full-time caregiver so I just do my best to make ends meet.”

“That’s very earnest, YN. I’m sure it must be challenging for you sometimes,” she remarks.

You sighed. “It is but I’m just happy to be able to take care of my dad. He’s worked very hard most of his life to make sure that we had a roof over our heads and food on the table. I kind of think of it as paying it forward in a way.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re able to join us. When Jin told me about you, I just knew that I had to get to know you myself,” she said excitedly as she picked up a french fry.

You turned sheepish. Just how much did Jin divulge to her?

“Oh–don’t worry. It’s all great things,” she beamed.

Conversation flowed comfortably for the next two hours. You shared laughs and a few jokes–mostly the siblings trading little ribbings here and there.

“Ok. I know we just ate all that food but I’m craving for something sweet,” Jungkook says after you all get up and discard your utensils.

“Babe, there’s dessert trucks all around. You can take your pick,” Haejin says as she waves around the options that were lined up around the lot.

“I don’t know…I feel like none of them would hit the spot though,” he says.

“Hmm…You know what would be perfect right now? Warm hotteok,” you piped up.

Jungkook’s eyes bulged in excitement. “Ooh! I love the way your mind works, YN,” he says.

“You know, there’s a place not far from here that Namjoon-ah and I used to go to back in high school. For some reason, I can’t remember the name now,” Jin trails off.

“Can we call Namjoon-hyung to find out?” Jungkook was now laser-focused on the hotteok. Nothing else at this point would satisfy him.

Jin pulls his phone out to dial Namjoon’s cell.

“Yo!” Namjoon picks up on the other end.

“Namjoon-ah! What was the name of that place that we used to go to that had made those bomb-ass hotteoks? They cooked it right in front of you,” Jin asked.

“Sammy’s!”

“Sammy’s,” Jin echoed to the group.

“Funny you mention that. Ji-yun actually had a random craving for it, too. We’re driving down the street from our place to grab some now,” he chuckles.

“No way! You wanna link up then?”

“Sure! We’re pretty close now but we’ll wait for you. Who’s all with you?”

“Haejin, Jungkookie, and uhm–” his eyes land on you. He realized that he didn’t quite plan on you meeting Namjoon today even though he’s told you about him and he’s told him about you.

“Aaaand? Who else are you with?” Namjoon says with a singsong teasing tone.

“Uh–”

“Is it her?! Are you with her?! Tell me you’re bringing her!!” he badgered his friend.

Jin could vaguely hear Ji-yun giggling in the background asking about Jin’s new lady.

“And YN. We’re just coming off an early dinner by the food trucks,” Jin explains.

“Geez, thanks for the invite, bro,” Namjoon says sarcastically.

“We’ll see you guys in a few minutes. Might run into a bit of traffic on the bridge but we’ll try to make it out there in 20 minutes or so,” he says.

“Alright. See you guys in a few,” Namjoon signs off with a soft chuckle.

“So uh–Namjoon and Ji-yun are headed to Sammy’s, too. He says that we can meet them there—“ he looks back at you hesitantly and silently asking if you were comfortable with it.

“That sounds great! I can’t wait to meet them.”

You grinned at how excited he was. You were meeting his inner circle—one that he confessed that he kept small.

“He’s your best friend, right? You’ve met my best friend. It’s only fair,” you said.

He smiles before planting a quick peck on your lips. Haejin couldn’t help but beam at how smitten her brother was.

“So uhh…this is all fluffy and all but uhm, should we get going soon to beat the evening traffic? I kind of have my hopes up now,” Jungkook says shyly–still really focused on getting a snack.

Haejin playfully smacks him on the arm for bursting her brother’s bubble.

You all drove across the bridge and exited towards the street that the GPS directed you to.

After finding some street parking, you crossed the street towards Sammy’s. It was a small outpost with an unassuming sign. Only people who knew about and frequented Sammy’s would never miss it.

When you arrived, you saw a tall, lean man standing next to a petite woman having a conversation on the sidewalk.

“Joon!” Jin yells as your group closes in.

“What’s up!” Hugs were exchanged between the friends until the couple turned their attention to you.

“Namjoon, Ji-yun–this is YN.”

Once you’ve interacted with people, you were pretty good at remembering faces. You recognized serving them drinks at the gala but weren’t sure if they remembered you so you just played it off since you were formally meeting them for the first time.

“Hi, so nice to meet you,” you said as you shook Namjoon’s hand.

“Hi! Good to see you again,” Namjoon says as he seems to have remembered you from that night as well. “This is my wife, Ji-yun.”

“And I’m a hugger,” she says as she wraps her arms around you. “Glad to meet you, finally.”

“Y-You know each other?” Jin says as he gestures between you and his best friend.

“I mean–not really but we had a brief exchange while I ordered drinks at the gala–when she was bartending. She was really good at it,” Namjoon said.

You waved him off. “Well, I hate to break it to you but I think my bartending days are over.!”

As you made some casual conversation, Jungkook was already getting in his second order. Haejin told him to pace himself because he had the tendency to have a bottomless appetite.

Jin glanced at his watch to find that it was getting close to 8PM.

“Hey guys–sorry to break up the YN lovefest but we all have work tomorrow–”

“Boo!” Haejin bellowed. “Stop being such a grandpa, Jin!”

“Yeah, you just want her to yourself,” Ji-yun chipped in.

“Wha? What is wrong with keeping my girlfriend to myself?” He countered.

“It just means–” Namjoon’s voice boomed over everyone’s bickering, “That we all need to get together again soon.”

You couldn’t believe how comfortable and fun this outing turned out to be. Jin kept telling you not to worry about it since his friends would absolutely love you. It turned out that you really enjoyed spending time with them as well. Perhaps at some point, you could also get your friends together to meet Jin’s friends. It would probably turn into a wild time.

You said your goodbyes and went your separate ways.

After getting off the bridge, Jin drives towards a building close to the waterfront then pulls into the underground lot.

“Uhm–this is awfully close to my neighborhood,” you remarked after Jin shuts off the engine.

“Oh? I hadn’t noticed,” he grinned as he prepared to exit his car.

“Jin, wait…” You thought it was sweet how he wanted to be close to you but you were worried that he was unnecessarily moving his life around for you.

He kept his gaze at you, waiting for you to say your piece.

“I just hope that you aren’t rearranging your whole schedule around me. I’d feel incredibly guilty if that was the case.”

His lips curved into a smile. “YN, nobody forced me to make these decisions. I’m doing it because I want to. I want to be close to you and be able to get to you easily if you need me. And it so happens that it’s also practical for me. Sometimes, if I need to work late, I don’t have to drive 45 minutes away.”

He brushes your cheek gently, which makes you smile at the contact.

“C’mon, I can’t wait for you to let me know what you think of the place.”

You knew that the building’s façade was relatively old but the interior was completely remodeled and upgraded. You rode the elevators up to the third floor—which was the topmost floor.

Jin presented his phone to the keypad link on his front door which made a brief beeping sound, signaling that it was unlocked.

“Okay so—just a heads up, my assistant picked all the furniture so I won’t take any of the decorating credit,” he chuckled before pushing the door open and holding it for you.

As you crossed the threshold, you both took your shoes off and left them by the doorway.

You took in the dark wood flooring by the entrance, which pretty much covered the entire floor. The room was currently dark with just the recessed hallway lights illuminating the space.

By the time you reach the end of the hallway, the first thing that you see are the pair of large bay windows in the center of the room. They were currently framed by dark drapes with a thin lining in the center for privacy although it was light enough to let the moonlight in.

As you stood there in awe you felt Jin close in behind you and rest his chin on your shoulder.

“Do you like it?”

You scoffed. “You’re asking me? This is your place.”

“I know. But I just want to know what you think about it.”

“It’s beautiful,” you gasped.

He grinned into your year. “Wait til you see the bedroom,” he says with that dangerously low tone.

You crane your neck to meet his eyes to find that he already had that mischievous look on his face.

“Why do we need the bedroom when there’s a perfectly good couch out here,” you said with a cocked eyebrow.

*****

The days tick by and you and Jin have fallen into a nice routine that fit your schedules. You agreed to see each other once or twice during the week but you’d spend the night with him on Sundays after spending time with your dad during the day. That would make it a little easier on his sleep pattern as you didn’t want him staying up all hours of the day just to be with you.

The private nursing care really helped ease your stress. Your dad was doing better each day and you didn’t have to worry about him as much because you knew that he was being well-taken care of.

Taehyung still looked in from time to time and dropped off Tannie on some days at your dad’s request. Tae didn’t want your dad to feel overwhelmed but he truly enjoyed the little puppy’s company while you were at work.

Your scheduled meet-ups were unfortunate for Jin because his dad was able to force a couple of dates with Miya once a week to placate her. Those nights were painful because all he wanted was to spend every waking moment with you.

It was getting harder and harder to keep this secret from you. He’s been meeting more frequently with Jungkook and his CFO, Dae about the company’s financial situation. They had repeatedly assured him that everything was on track for termination of the contract in the first quarter of next year–it was only two months away and that was the best that he could hope for.

He wondered if that was too long of a wait and if he should just come out with the truth. He could hear Haejin’s and Namjoon’s voices nagging at him.

He decided to tell you this weekend. You were going to stop by your place right after your shift at the diner on Saturday night to check in on your dad and the night nurse before driving to his apartment soon after to spend the night.

You didn’t have access to the garage yet so you parked across the street to enter the building through the main entrance in the front.

You were about to scan your phone to the keyless access point when you noticed that the door wasn’t closed all the way.

You recalled him saying that an older tenant in the building hated the keyless access points and preferred old-fashioned keys. But it didn’t stop them from propping the door open with takeout menus that restaurants randomly left as free marketing for their business. This tenant took their dog out for a walk around the block to go to the bathroom at all hours of the day and night.

Sometimes they conveniently forgot to shut it when they returned to the building.

You pushed the door shut when you walked in before proceeding to the elevators.

You scanned your phone to Jin’s apartment door and found that the lights were still on. It was about 3AM and he was still waiting up for you.

“Hey,” you greeted him as you toed your shoes off by the front door before walking into the kitchen.

“Hi,” he greets you with a kiss.

“I thought you’d be asleep?”

“Hm, I was but I set an alarm for 2AM to make sure that you got here safely.”

Can he be any sweeter?

You pinched the tip of his nose. “You are too cute! But you should be asleep though.”

“I know but I just missed you. I didn’t see you at all during the week.”

He felt guilty because he had been working tirelessly to ensure that he had the funds to get out of the deal and that a new contract was drawn up to present to his father when he asked him to opt-out of the Hwang deal.

“You want to sit?”

You both rounded the sofa where you curled up into his arms. After changing out of your diner uniform, you had taken a quick shower and put on some sweats, a lounge shirt, and a pullover hoodie before heading over to his apartment.

Jin savored this moment–seeing you wrapped up in arms, fully content.

“How was work?”

You sighed–you were pretty exhausted, if you were going to be honest. “Pretty busy. That tech convention downtown is really bringing in lots of people into the city. I guess that’s good for tourism and for business though,” you said, as you fought your drowsiness.

“Anyway–before I forget–I think that tenant left the door open again when I came in just now.”

You felt his arms steel around you. “Fuck–I really need to complain to the building manager about that. They’re compromising the security.” He was already reaching for his phone when you stopped him.

“Hey–it’s not like the building manager is up 24/7. Just handle it in the morning, okay?”

He sighed deeply. He couldn’t really fault his assistant Jae for the lapse in security. He did ask for a discreet building–nothing too opulent. Unfortunately, opulence came with a doorman–which he used to have at his former home in the city. He thought that the keyless entry access points were secure enough but he didn’t take into account the human element of it.

“I’ll do it first thing in the morning,” he mumbles.

You also didn’t want him all riled up because you were just so comfortable laying on the couch, in your little Jin ‘nook.’ You took in his scent–it was a nice heady mix of shower gel and aftershave.

“You want to head to bed?”

You groaned in protest. “But I’m comfy.”

He chuckled while he nuzzled into your hair before kissing the crown of your head. “Okay.”

You tilted your chin up to him. “I love you.”

“I love you,” he says before dipping his face lower to kiss you. Your exhaustion all but faded away and was slowly replaced by your hunger for him. Your kiss deepened, tongues stroking, and breaths quickening.

The arm that he had wrapped underneath you tightened and pulled you in closer. His other hand snaked under your shirt to cradle your spine, sending shivers through you as your kisses grew even wilder.

He breaks away to nudge your chin up to access your neck. Once you tilted your head back he sank his lips onto the exposed skin–his lips alternating between kissing and gentle sucking.

His hand that cradled your back moved up and you felt it slide up underneath the front of your sweatshirt and up your chest.

He stopped kissing and stared at you with a surprised look on his face as he felt your bare breast underneath.

After you showered at home, you had foregone a bra since lunch and dinner service had taken a toll on you and you just wanted to get out of the constricting material and looked forward to flopping yourself onto the bed–you didn’t plan on showing up without a bra on…not really.

“I…I thought we were going straight to bed,” you smiled sheepishly.

“You know–I’m really glad that I splurged on a good, sturdy couch because if I didn’t, I’d have to switch it out every year with all the vigorous activity that it’s getting.”

You giggled as he buried his face back into your neck, squeezing your breast…eliciting a deep moan from you as he rolled and pinched a hardened nipple.

You leaned downwards, your back hitting the couch cushions as he was already working on pulling your sweats and underwear off.

He pushed your legs apart and found that you were already soaked for him.

“I told you I stayed up for a reason,” he said with a smirk before he sank his warm mouth onto the tender flesh. You grasped desperately at the cushions underneath you as his tongue licked leisurely at you. He rimmed the opening to your core–teasing it before his tongue sank into it. You arched your back violently while he tormented you.

He purred, circling your clit with the tip of his tongue while his hands held you down when you would have bucked your hips at the contact.

“My god, Jin…” you moaned, seduced at the sight of him savoring you so intimately and driving you absolutely wild.

You whimpered and bit back a scream as his tongue fluttered over your clit. You hooked a leg over his shoulder right before he started to suck on your flesh–further drawing in the tight bundle of nerves.

You climaxed with a breathless cry, your legs shook as your release rushed through you.

You were still dazed with pleasure when he sat up on his knees to shove the waistband of his sweats down, freeing his erection underneath.

You reached out instinctively for it wanting to feel him in your hands. His flesh was warm and your mouth watered so you scooted down to lick the crest.

He gasped in pleasure and you took it as your cue to take him in. He gripped the couch cushions as you bobbed your head slowly, up and down his length. You lifted your head and he slid out of your mouth with a light pop before continuing to run the flat of your tongue against his cock once more.

“Fuck,” he breathed out through clenched teeth. “I need to be inside you now–aaahh,” he groaned right as you hollowed your cheeks and slid upwards his length, stopping right at the giving it a brief suction.

You lifted your head to see that his eyes had darkened with lust. He gently urges you down on the cushions again.

“Do you trust me?” He asked.

“Yes,” you said, without a doubt.

He parted your legs again and lined his cock up to your center. You’d been on birth control since becoming sexually active again. And although the hormones messed with your moods, it offered a small sense of security for you.

He looked up at you hesitantly but you gave him a small nod to assure him. After a beat, your eyes roll to the back of your head as he pushed into you.

You flinched at your muscles that slowly stretched around him.

“Shit, are you okay?”

“Wait–” you winced. He slowly pulled out and switches out by dipping two fingers into you. “Sorry, baby,” he said as he gently pumped them in and out of you.

You stifled a moan. “Hmm..It’s okay–maybe we just need to switch.”

His fingers stopped moving in and out of you. “You want to get on top?”

You nodded as he leaned back onto the couch, pulling his sweats further down his legs. You moved to straddle his hips and lined himself up underneath you. You grunted as you sank your hips onto him. Once you had taken him all in, you sat there for a few seconds while your walls flexed and adjusted around him.

You felt his hands snake up your shirt once more as he gently lifted it off you. He ran his hands gently up your arms, your shoulders then down to your chest. You sighed at the contact as it relaxed you.

You started to undulate your hips into him–slowly and calculated at first until your instincts took over and your body moved on its own volition.

His hands rested on your waist as he watched your hips roll towards him.

“So good,” he whispers as he meets each of your thrusts with his own.

You found a rhythm. Your thighs clenched and released as you both focused on the moment.

“That’s it, baby,” he encouraged hoarsely. You could see his forearms clench and flexed with each movement. His abdomen tightened every time you took him to the hilt.

You moaned his name as you took your pleasure. Your core clenching rhythmically as another orgasm started to rush up quickly–your senses were completely overwhelmed.

He sat up slightly and caught you by the neck and your hips and held you as he thrust upward…over and over, with powerful lunges. The friction of his entire length surging within you became too much. You came apart in a violent rush, your fingers clawing at his shoulders.

Shuddering, Jin followed you shortly after. “God, YN…” he gasped out as he buried his face in your throat.

You collapsed into his arms on the bed, not long after getting cleaned up. You were happy and blissful. Months ago, you didn’t think that any of this was possible. You were completely fine just living your life–aimlessly moving in and out of each day. But Jin changed all of that and for the first time, you were looking forward to the future.

******

A few hours later, your body clock was right on time. You got up at 8AM on a Sunday, in your sweats from the night before but with a bralette and one of Jin’s dress shirts that you randomly grabbed as it sat atop his laundry bin.

You scrounge around his pantry for coffee but couldn’t find any. Just then, you heard him trudging down to the kitchen mid-yawn.

You turned around and stood there wordlessly holding the empty carafe up at him.

“Ah, damn. I knew I forgot to grab something yesterday,” Jin says, smacking his forehead.

“What?”

“Coffee,” he grimaced.

“Oh no,” you said.

“You know what? I’ll go grab some around the corner. There’s a cafe there–“

“No, Jin, you don’t have to—“

“No, no. I know you love your caffeine and…truth be told, after last night, I need a little bit myself, if you know what I mean,” he grinned devilishly as he gave you a quick peck on the lips.

You giggled. “Okay, fine. Thank you,” you smiled.

He kissed you again. “I promise I won’t be long.”

After taking the elevator down, he decided to walk down the block–figuring it was easier than trying to find street parking on a Sunday morning.

As he gets to the main entrance, he sees the front door ajar and grumbles to himself. He was definitely placing a call to the building manager as soon as he returned.

******

After a few minutes, you heard knocking on the door.

You thought that maybe Jin forgot his backup keys because he relied so much on his keyless entry app–that’s fallen out of sync before. He complained about it to the building manager and some technician came out to fix it. I guess he might have to place another call to take care of that again, you thought.

You walked over to the door, still wearing his shirt.

You pulled it open and chuckled, “I told you that you should have brought—oh!”

You were surprised at the figure standing by the doorway.

“Hello!” she gave you a sweet smile.

“Uh…h-hi,” you greeted her apprehensively.

“Is Seokjin here?”

“No, h-he…stepped out for a bit but he should be back soon.”

“Oh,” she sounded disappointed. “Well, can I come in?” She didn’t wait for you to answer as you were in shock and embarrassed by your current, indecent state that she just easily barrelled through you.

“Is Jin expecting you?” You instinctively pulled the shirt tightly around you.

“No,” she said simply while she quickly scanned the living room before swiftly turning around to look back at you. “I actually came here to see you.”

You were so confused. Who was this woman? You felt somehow as though you should know her but couldn’t quite place her.

With your memory failing you, you shook your head gently “Sorry…y-you have me at a disadvantage—if you just give me a few minutes so I can get dressed–”

She scoffed. “Oh, I don’t really care what you look like, to be honest with you.” She stared you up and down once more then wrinkled her nose ever-so-slightly, as if she had smelled something undesirable when in fact, you wondered if she was just breathing in her own perfume and then realizing that she had put too much on.

“I’m sorry, what’s your name?” You dared to ask.

“Not important. But I’m here to ask you one question–how much?” she asked nonchalantly.

You scrunch your face in utter perplexity. “How much for what?” Who is this woman and why the hell was she acting like she knew who you were? You wondered if maybe she just happened to walk into the wrong apartment.

“How much to stay away from my fiancé?”

Did she just say—

“Your fiancé?” You echoed. “Who?”

“Seokjin,” she said sarcastically, as if you were so stupid that she had to spell it out for you.

Your eyes immediately flew to her left hand that held her handbag in front of her. No ring on that finger.

She notices you searching so she swiftly turns on the balls of her feet to walk around the room once more. She pointed her chin up and scoffed. “That’s right. We’re engaged.”

You stood there skeptical. “And how do I know that you’re not just some bitter ex trying to get him back?”

You had never met Jin’s ex, nor had he mentioned her name before. You hated to think that this was the woman that he had been pining for around the first time that you met. You were mentally kicking yourself for not taking Jimin’s advice before and Googling Jin–maybe you would at least have a vague idea of who this woman was.

She turned around to sneer at you before rolling her eyes. “Please…is this how desperate you are to get his money?”

You jerked your neck back in disgust. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, c’mon! Kim Seokjin? One of the most eligible bachelors in the country? Good looks with an equally handsome bank account?” She started to circle you–like a shark zeroing in on its prey.

This woman also appeared to have money–and lots of it. From the diamonds that dripped from her ears down to her neck; to the structured couture that she wore; and the red-bottomed stilettos that she stood on–you didn’t own any of these things but you were still a woman who recognized and appreciated labels since you walked past the windows that displayed them on the way home from your office.

Unfazed, you chuckled then folded your arms across your chest. “You know, there are much more interesting things about Jin other than looks and his money.”

Her overly made-up face slightly twitched. Your last comment seemed to have hit a nerve.

The truth was, Miya didn’t have a clue about him. They’ve gone out on a few dates and other than a few web searches that displayed his short biography, she didn’t really know who he was or what he was like. He didn’t really give her the chance. She didn’t even have the privilege to call him by his nickname.

But she still smiled mockingly at you. “I’m sure there is, honey. But in your position,” she eyed you up and down, “I’d be hard-pressed to believe it.”

“And what exactly is my position?” You cocked your eyebrow. Whoever this woman is, you were trying very hard to keep your temper in check.

She moistened her crimson, artificially filled lips. “I know that you work a low-paying job, you live in a state-subsidized dump, and don’t get me started on all of those hospital bills that you need to pay—“ she gasped dramatically, “Oh wait…he paid for those,” she smirked.

It concerned you how much she knew about your financial status.

“So, YN YLN…name your price. How much–to stay away from him?”

“Listen, lady–I don’t know who you think you are but–”

She cut you off once more. “You’re living in a fantasy world, honey, so don’t try to fool yourself. Do you know what you are? You’re just the side-piece that these rich boys keep around when their wives are out shopping or at the spa. In the end, they come home to us.”

She couldn’t be more wrong. Never has Jin ever made you feel like a ‘side-piece’ whenever you were together.

“Whatever. We love each other—“

“Aww…that’s so adorable,” she downturned her mouth in mocking empathy. “Has he…brought you over to his house? Have you met his parents?”

That stopped you dead in your tracks. He told you that he had a house by the coast and although he mentioned bringing you there at some point, he hasn’t gotten the chance due to your work schedule and other more recent events…or so you thought. But his parents? You’ve seen them at the gala but he never mentioned introducing you to them.

You tried to push that feeling away but she got you there.

“I mean…why else would he buy this apartment when he has a perfectly beautiful mansion out on the coast?”

You were dumbfounded but you hung on to what little hope that Jin gave you.

She sighed. “Face it, girl. This is nothing but a fuck-pad…designed to keep his little secret from his dad—unless—,” she paused for dramatic effect, “Unless he was your end-goal to begin with,” she jeered.

You’d had enough of this woman’s insults.

“Please leave! You have no right to talk to me like that. You don’t even know me,” you don’t know how you managed to keep your voice steady after her last remark.

“Oh, honey…I know girls like you. I’ve known girls like you all my life. You are not one in a million. And I’ll tell you right now–there is nothing special about you except what’s between your legs,” she snickered.

“Get the fuck out!” You screamed.

She raised her hands in mock defeat. “It hurts to hear the truth, YN. But whenever you get some sense knocked into you…” she reached into her purse to retrieve something—a small, folded piece of paper and a business card. She sets them on the counter.

“There’s more where that came from and I included my card as well. Call me and we’ll talk,” she says as she sauntered towards the hallway. You held your breath until you heard the door click shut before breaking down in tears.

******

A few minutes later, Jin was finally heading up the elevator after picking up the two coffees and a box of donuts after getting stuck behind two people who seemed like they were ordering for a whole neighborhood.

After he walks through the front door, he immediately calls out to you while he walks down the hallway. “Hey–sorry it took me a while. Everyone and their mother was out to brunch today for some reason. It was ridiculous…”

He looked around but noticed that you weren’t in the living room where he left you. He set his things down on the kitchen counter then walks into the bedroom.

He found you sitting at the foot of the bed, fully dressed, back turned towards him, with both arms on either side of you, hands gripping the lip of the mattress.

He rounds you and sees a blank expression on your face.

“Sorry I’m—“

“Who’s Miya Hwang?” You asked, looking up at him while he towered over you.

The color drains from his face as he is at a loss for words. It was the same look that he gave to you when you served him his salad at the gala.

As he stood there to try to form words in his brain, you somehow managed to calmly get your thoughts out to him.

“You know…I just can’t help but shake this nagging feeling within me. This—imbalance between us. And I’m not just talking about money or social status. I just feel that every time I give a little bit of myself to you, I find out that you are hiding something from me.”

You stood from where you sat and walked past him. He wanted to stop you but he was rooted in his position.

You exhaled sharply and kept your eyes on him while his were downcast. “I’m out here laying my cards on the table for you while you keep yours concealed and I have no idea why. Have I given you a reason to do that?”

You were asking him in earnest. He shook his head gently.

“I wanted to high-tail out of here as soon as she left. But I thought that perhaps maybe you had an explanation for it. I think you owe me that much,” you said.

He didn’t know how Miya managed to push past the security system at the building. He figured it was that careless tenant who kept propping the door open as she walked her dog. He was livid but he would deal with that later.

For now, you were his priority.

“W-what did she say to you?” He asked.

“That she’s your fiancée.”

His heart sank. “Baby, I’m…I’m sorry—“

“So it’s true? That you’re engaged to her?” You wanted to give him the benefit of doubt but you were sorely disappointed. Your chin quivered and you felt the tears sting your eyes again.

He took a step towards you wanting to envelop you in his arms but you instantly held your hands up to him like a shield, suddenly repulsed by the thought of him touching you.

“No…please. I’m leaving,” you muttered as you gathered the things that you had packed earlier this morning before he stepped out.

You shook your head as you walked out of his bedroom,

“YN, let me explain,” he begged as he followed you out.

You marched down the living room, fighting to keep your breathing even though your chest felt as if it was about to combust.

You left his car keys on the kitchen counter. “Please…YN—“

You turned to him once more before opening the front door. “I never ask anyone for anything because that’s not who I am. I never asked you to help me with my dad…loan me a car or move closer to me. You did all that and I was grateful for everything. The one thing that I asked for was your honesty…and you couldn’t give me that.”

You then pulled the door open but not before getting in a final word.

“And you can tell your fiancée that she can keep her check and shove it down her throat.”

With that, you walked out and shut the door in his face. You walked several blocks back to your building. It was still within your neighborhood but it was still quite the distance on foot. You didn’t mind anyway since you needed to clear your head.

Back at the apartment, Jin holds his phone up to his ear. He was eerily calm even though he wanted to run out after you but he decided that somebody else had to be handled right this second.

“Where are you?”

******

He charges through the handful of occupied tables at the Country Club’s lounge. His hands were clenched into fists. He would never hurt a woman but he was absolutely fuming and it took all of his energy not to flip all of the tables that he walked past.

He found her sitting by one of the corner windows on her own, sipping on a mimosa.

He did his best to appear calm even though he was anything but. Through flared nostrils and a clenched jaw, he asks, “Can we talk?” His voice was soft but it was laced with anger.

She slowly looked up while still holding onto the flute.

“We’re talking now,” she says casually.

“I meant somewhere more private.”

She let out a chuckle, mocking him. “Nobody gives a shit about me here, Seokjin. If anything, these people are waiting for me to do something exciting so they can gossip about it. And I need a bit more excitement in my life,” she says, taking another swig of her drink.

He squares his jaw, desperately trying to rein in his emotions. He roughly pulls the seat across from her and takes it.

He kept his voice low. “What did you say to YN?”

She made a face as if she heard an absolutely offensive sound. “Who?”

“I will not ask again.”

She scoffed. “I just told her the truth. That you’re just passing the time with her before we’re married.”

He flexed his hands briefly before clenching them into fists again. “I will only say this once—Stay away from YN.”

“Why? Do you like, love her or something?”

“Yes, I do love her. Believe it or not, Miya, some of us are actually capable of human emotion.”

“Ouch!” She clutched her chest and dramatically contracted her shoulders while she feigned offense. “Is that how you address the woman whom you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with?”

“We. Are. Not. Getting. Married,” he enunciated every word.

“Oh, Seokjin—I totally get it. It’s your last hurrah before we tie the knot so I don’t mind,” she said with a laugh. “Daddy likes to keep a couple little chickadees on the side as well–it keeps him young and as long as mother gets her monthly allowance, she just shuts her mouth,” she says as she took one last gulp of her drink.

For a moment, Jin felt sorry for her disillusionment.

As she set the glass down on the table, she turned serious all of a sudden. “But I’m not like my mother. Once our engagement is announced, you will dump that hussy,” she says.

“She is not—“ he pulled back once more, taking a deep breath to calm himself. “Do not call her names, Miya. She’s a good person.”

“A good person trying to take something that’s not hers.”

“I am nobody’s property,” he says.

Her laugh taunted him. “And I really don’t care! We are getting married, like it or not, Kim Seokjin.”

“Not if I have a say in it,” Jin says.

She scrunched her face and tutted. “Mm-mm. No, you won’t. And if you do, you’ll lose everything.”

His eyebrows subtly raised, confused by what she meant but he didn’t let it phase him.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I know how important your company is to you,” she utters while she randomly inspects her manicured nails. “And you wouldn’t want your dad to risk his fortune as well.” She looked up at him pointedly.

What the fuck is she on about? He was going to find out either way especially if his dad was involved in this.

He got up from his seat, ever the gentleman that he was raised to be. “Well then…it’s good that I’m ready to risk everything for her,” he says before he turns on his heel to walk away.

“Hmph…we’ll see about that,” Miya mutters to herself.

******

Jin was relentless for the rest of the day. Texts, calls, voicemails until you finally muted his number temporarily.

Your dad was surprised to see you home early since you’ve spent the last couple of Sundays at Jin’s and leaving for work on Mondays from his place.

You made up an excuse saying that Jin was called away to the office and you didn’t feel like waiting around the apartment as he took meetings.

He knew something was up but he didn’t prod you when you decided to lock yourself in your room for the rest of the day, feigning a headache when all you really wanted was to cry yourself to sleep. Instead, you fired up your work laptop and decided to make a dent on some of the paperwork that you brought home from the office.

The new client’s recent records from the last quarter have been increasingly inconsistent the closer you reviewed them. You flagged every number, every line that seemed suspicious or didn’t quite add up.

Earlier at this week’s staff meeting, things were starting to look pretty grim for this client. The terms ‘federal audit’ and ‘tax evasion’ started getting thrown around which was odd because the prior records that you received were clean–or so they seemed. But in true Hoseok-fashion, he wanted to go over those records again just to ensure that nobody missed anything.

It was tedious work but the firm, though small and not as heavily staffed as the larger companies, was 100% trustworthy and Hoseok wanted to uphold that reputation.

Several hours had passed and you were neck-deep in tax forms and spreadsheets when you heard a soft knock on your door.

“I’m okay, dad. I’ll order us some dinner in a minute,” you called out from your room.

“It's me,” the voice said softly from the other side of the door.

Your head snapped up as that wasn’t your dad’s voice. You got up from your bed to open the door.

“Tae?” This was a surprise. “Everything okay?”

“Sorry for dropping in like this. Your phone was off, I think,” he says.

“Oh shit–sorry. I was...just trying to catch up with work,” you said apologetically.

“Sure, YN. Uhmmm–” He looked back to make sure that your dad was out of ear-shot.

“So–Jin-hyung called me…”

You groaned. Of course he would try to go behind your back but you didn’t realize that he would get to Taehyung.

“Look–I don’t know what’s going on but he called me sounding really desperate. He said he couldn’t reach you.”

“Sorry you got dragged into this, Tae.”

“It’s fine, YN. But uhh–he just asked if I could pass along a message. He says that whenever you’re ready, he’ll be waiting in his car downstairs…and that he would wait all night if he needed to.”

You dug your fingers into your tear ducts before shaking your head. “Thanks, Tae.”

“Sure thing. But are you going to talk to him? He sounded really sad on the phone.”

“Does my dad–”

He shook his head. “No. I just told uncle that I wanted to talk to you about a gig for next weekend,” he said lowly. “Whatever this is, I hope you and Jin-hyung work it out. He seems like a really nice guy.”

You gave your best friend a tight smile–it was all you could muster after this morning’s events. “Okay. Thanks Tae. I’ll be right down.”

He gave you a boxy smile before turning around to walk back to his apartment, wishing your dad a good night.

You shut your front door moments after telling your dad that you were going to put the garbage bins out in the street and that you’d be back in a few minutes.

As soon as you walked down the stairs out of your building, you looked around your street. It was dark out but you found his car to your left by the curb, illuminated by the street lamp that he sat under. He didn’t want to seem too eager so instead of getting out to run to you, he tentatively opened the passenger door instead. It took all of your energy to will yourself to take those next two steps to get in his car but you did it anyway.

You sat in silence for a beat while you stared straight ahead, your soft breaths filling the dead air.

He chewed at his bottom lip, trying to collect his thoughts and finally decided to break the silence. “Th-thank you for…for meeting me.”

You managed to find your voice but still avoided looking at him. “Listen…the only reason that I’m even in the same space as you are right now is because I don’t really want my dad to be involved, much less hear any of this. He’s still in a really precarious situation and I will not risk that.”

Your voice started to shake but you cleared your throat to stay focused. “So–just say what you have to say so that I can get back upstairs.” You kept your hands clasped together on your lap.

His mouth hung open as he tried to figure out where to begin. He had tried to rehearse it over and over in his head and now that you were here again, he was suddenly muted by your presence.

You finally mustered enough strength to look at him.

“When were you going to tell me that you were engaged? W-were you ever going to tell me?”

He chokes out a breath. “It’s not what you think it means, YN.”

“Is there any other definition of the word ‘fiancée’? I mean, I know that I didn’t take any fancy French classes in high school but if there was any other definition of it in the English language, please–I’d really like to know,” you seethed.

You watched him rub his eyes and take a deep breath while you awaited his response.

“I thought that we weren’t going to keep things from each other anymore, Jin?”

You were so disappointed that he reneged on your conversation not so long ago, after you found out that he was a multi-millionaire. It took you a minute to wrap your head around that but since not much had really changed between you two, you had eventually grown comfortable with the idea.

He swallowed the lump in his throat. “It’s an arranged marriage,” he said matter-of-factly.

You bulged your eyes out at that and had to pick up your jaw off the ground.

“Woah-wo-wh-wh-what,” you stammered.

It was too late to take it back now, Jin thought. He already felt increasingly guilty about keeping things from you.

You puffed your cheeks while you let all this sink in. Now you were really confused. You had shared things…you had been intimate with each other…you had exchanged ‘I-love-you’s–‘ all while he was engaged this whole time?

“Let me explain. I had nothing to do with this…arrangement.” He refused to call it an ‘engagement.’ He didn’t get down on one knee and ask Miya the all-too-important question so to him, it didn’t even fall under that category.

“That was–the work of my parents. Mostly my father–”

“An arranged marriage? That’s still a thing? In this century?” You almost laughed at the ridiculousness of it all.

“It is in my world,” he said wryly.

“Uhm…okay.” Your brows were still furrowed, trying to understand it all.

“But it hasn’t been announced publicly. I’m trying to buy some time–”

“Oh my god…Jin–” You clutched your forehead with one hand to keep your thoughts from spinning out and while the other tried to suppress your heartbeat from beating out of your chest. You had to lean against the car seat just to feel grounded.

“I’m…” he shrugged, “I’m trying to get out of it.”

You look back up at him briefly.

“This is why I’ve been working hard for the last year. I wanted to make enough money to…” he swipes his hand once in mid-air, “Buy them out.”

“Okay, well–for us commoners, can you explain what that means exactly?” You didn’t know what else to say. Rich-people dealings are all very foreign to you.

“Miya’s family paid a dowry–which is kind of like an investment deal. To get out of that deal, I have to pay that back–plus interest— just so her dad doesn’t feel like he’s losing money. With my company doing well now, Jungkook and my CFO predict that I can make that principal amount–meaning their initial investment–in the first quarter of next year.”

You listened to him intently–trying to keep an open mind even though you were still frustrated with him.

“I have a deadline to meet that value which is why I’ll need a little help from my dad to pay off the interest. The only problem is that if I go past that deadline without fronting the money…then I’m locked in.��

“Locked in?”

“Meaning I have to marry her.” He exhaled sharply, catching his lower lip with his teeth.

You let out a soft sob–a million thoughts swimming through your head. “Were you ever going to tell me all of this? B-before–”

…Before you fell in love with him? You softly knocked your head against the headrest, thinking that you had made such a big mistake.

He leaned backwards, mirroring the way you sat. “I’m sorry–I shouldn’t have kept it from you. I just…I just always thought that I could work to fix the Miya-problem on my own. I didn’t think that I needed to burden you with it because—“

He sighed heavily, “Because I didn’t expect to fall for you,” he finished before glancing sideways towards you.

You saw him from your peripheral vision but you didn’t meet his gaze and chose to squeeze your eyes shut instead. You were in deep with him and you couldn’t deny it. You were angry and incredibly frustrated at the situation but your love for him still outweighed that.

He looked down at his fingers–they rested on his thigh while yours gripped the seat cushion…just within his reach. He ached to flex them, to link them with yours. Unaware of his intentions, you suddenly pulled them away to cross your arms over your chest.

He feels dejected not being able to reach out to feel you.

“So…you need your dad to help bail you out. Does he know about your plan,” you continued without making eye contact.

He cleared his throat. “Somewhat. We had spoken about it from the very first time that he mentioned the arrangement last year. I said that I didn’t want to marry anybody that I wasn’t–in love with. He told me to stop spending too much time with my head in the clouds and that I could eventually grow to have some affection for Miya. I just–I couldn’t bring myself to do it,” he shook his head.

“And I could care less even if he kept reminding me of my age,” he added.

Most of Jin’s peers were either engaged, married, or in the family-way. He’d sooner choose to grow old alone but his father would not allow that to happen–most definitely not his only son.

“I think of it as…buying myself some freedom.”

“Freedom?” you asked curiously, glancing at him.

“You’d be surprised what money can and cannot do for you.”

You nodded, showing him that you understood that statement in more ways than one.

“YN–” he eyes your fingers that peeked from underneath your elbow closest to him while you had your arms crossed and reached out to squeeze the tips.

“I promise you, I’ll fix this,” he says softly.

You feel your resolve start to crack. “Jin…”

“I don’t want anybody else. I love you.”

You yearned for him just as much–you fought every instinct to thread your fingers through his hair strands, pull him towards you, and kiss him like crazy.

You felt your eyes stinging with tears. You tried to blink the feeling away but a drop found its way and tracked down your cheek. His breath hitched at the sight and he instinctively wiped it away. He suddenly felt like a fraud doing it since it was he who caused you this hurt. He began to withdraw his hand but you held it in place.

His heart swells at the feeling but he knows that he didn’t quite deserve this luxury that you afforded him at this moment. He was just grateful that you allowed him this much.

“What if your plan doesn’t work,” you whispered.

“It will…I’ll make it work,” he says.

It has to work, he thought.

******

The next morning, he marches to the office to attend his first meeting of the day. Last night, he demanded that Jungkook, his legal counsel, and his senior finance staff clear their morning to address the matter at hand.

The agenda was clear: get out of the Hwang deal—as soon as possible.

He was done biding his time. When he got home after your conversation last night, he stayed up for the rest of the night crunching numbers and deduced that he had enough leverage in stocks to pay off the principal investment. There wasn’t as much financial wiggle room as he had hoped but he figured that he could make up the losses in the first quarter.

The team scrambled to review copies of contracts that they obtained from KimCorp, his dad’s company, and other legal and financial documents listing Jin’s assets.

But they hit a snag.

The company’s chief legal counsel had informed Jungkook beforehand that the contract that Jin brought over for review months ago had been recently appended.

The rules had changed in the middle of the game. The goal line had been moved. And Jin was the last to know.

“Why?” He asked, absolutely feeling blindsided.

“Because—this addendum states that everything is tied up in shares and bonds—“ Jungkook tries to explain.

“Aaahhh fuck…fuck all of that,” Jin bellows.

“Hyung-nim, you can’t just say, ‘fuck all of that.’ This,” Jungkook pointed to the documents right in front of Jin, “This just got more complicated. It’s no longer the simple buyout that we thought it would be. If we back out on this deal—Hwang takes over the company.”

“How the fuck did this happen? Dae! Talk to me!”

“I…I don’t know, Jin. Since KimCorp is our parent company, your dad doesn’t legally need your signature. He can override your authority on financials,” his CFO says.

He growls in frustration. “What’s the use of owning my own company when I can’t even do what I want? If my dad can just walk all over me? How did we miss this, huh?” He roared in angry rhetoric.

Everybody in the room tried to avoid eye contact as they didn’t have concrete answers for him right this second. They didn’t have enough lead time to review every legalese.

But the fact remained—Hwang had sunken his claws deeper than they had initially thought. Jin’s father had basically put up Moon Industries as collateral, should the deal fall through.

So Miya was right after all…Jin could lose everything.

He swipes at papers in front of him while Jungkook watches them fly off the table and scatter to the floor.

“You all better figure this shit out! Or else what the fuck do I pay you all for?” Jin roars before he storms out of the conference room leaving Jungkook to awkwardly try and make sense of his spirited outburst.

******

An hour later, Jungkook goes to check on Jin in his office. He found Jin laying on the sofa, staring blankly up at the ceiling.

“Jin-hyung…what was all that about?”

Jin was despondent.

The younger man took a couple of steps towards his hyung.

“Jin–what’s going on? You were kind of vague last night and now all of a sudden, you want to go from zero to 160 on this? This is not like one of your sports cars. I thought that you said we had ‘til the end of the first quarter to meet this deadline?”

“I’m sorry, Jungkook. I just…I got desperate.”

“Did something happen?”

Jungkook found it odd for Jin to just act on impulse. He was always calculated especially when it came to his business.

“Miya got to YN.”

Jungkook raised his eyebrows in surprise. How did she find out? It seemed that Miya was either jetting around somewhere or hanging out at a day spa. He knows that his hyung wanted to keep this arrangement under wraps until they had all of their ducks in a row to push off Hwang and his other associates off them.

Jin sighed deeply. “Are we fucked, Jungkook?”

The COO scratched his head briefly before taking the seat adjacent to his CEO.

He flexed his jaw before answering. “Dae and I looked at the documents more closely after you left the room. The legal group was there and…” he sighs and runs his fingers through his hair, “If we renege on this deal, we have to triple Hwang’s investment…and we can’t ask your dad to pitch in.”

Jin flared his nostrils but bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from screaming.

“How did this happen? I thought we had a clean exit strategy?”

Jungkook shook his head as he was just as baffled. “That’s what Dae and I are still trying to piece together, hyung. So far—everything that your dad has done was by the book. The addendum was well within his power as company chairman. Everybody in our legal team said so.”

Jin groaned. Weeks ago, the days held so much promise. He had built up his company, revenue was flowing in…and as an added bonus, he found love again.

But now, he felt trapped. His hands were tied and he was running out of time.

******

Later that evening, he takes a drive out to Namjoon’s house. He apologizes profusely to Ji-yun for the late night visit but she waves him off and tells him that he was always welcome. She just asked nicely not to get Namjoon too drunk because he tends to snore louder than usual.

As his wife disappears into their bedroom, Namjoon sets two glasses and a bottle of whiskey at the bar where his best friend sat. He poured a shot for Jin and himself.

After a toast and a couple of sips, Jin unleashes his day upon his friend. “Fuck. I’m in a bind, Joon. I don’t know what to do. I’m out of options…” he trails off.

Namjoon scoffed. “You? Kim Seokjin, out of options? I’ve never heard those words used in the same sentence before. What happened to the master of negotiations?”

“Please…Don’t start. This isn’t a normal investment deal that I can simply talk my way out of. I can’t believe my dad would do this to me…after everything I worked hard for.”

“Have you talked to him about it?”

“I wouldn’t know where to start! ‘Hey dad, why did you stab me in the back?’”

Namjoon inhaled sharply. “That fucking sucks,” he says as he takes a sip of the amber liquid.

Jin rakes his fingers through his hair. “What the fuck am I gonna do? I don’t want to let YN go but…I also don’t want to disappoint the people who helped me build this company by throwing it all away and treating them like nothing but collateral damage just so I can ride off into the sunset with the woman that I love.”

The men sat in silence, trying to contemplate their next move.

Namjoon cocked an eyebrow. “Hm. Maybe we haven’t exhausted all options.”

Jin sighed in exasperation and slumped over the bar. His legal team spent the rest of the day poring over the Hwang amendment. “The contract is ironclad. I was completely mistaken. These people may have gotten rich quick but they’re smart. They made sure not to leave any loopholes.”

“Are you sure you’ve tried other ways?” His friend uttered.

Jin sat up straight. He knew that tone of voice. For as long as he’s known Namjoon, he’s always thought outside the box. Where Jin saw things in black and white, Namjoon saw things in technicolor.

“What did you have in mind?”

Part 7◥

Taglist: @deepseavibez @shameless-army @nooneinvitedfascistbarbie @twogyuu @jakepralta @arisud @justmewondering-recs @taleasnewastime [open]

[crystxlclear]

you’re just like an angel (your skin makes me cry)

a sudden desire oneshot 

masterlist // sudden desire chapter one

pairing: marcus pike x original female character (coraline meyer)

words: 4.4k

synopsis: coraline and marcus go to a halloween party. pining ensues. 

set in the future, in comparison to the current sudden desire timeline, after coraline accepts that suggestion 

warnings: FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF SWEET SWEET FLUFF, mutual pining (more so from marcus, unintentionally, though?), alcohol consumption/slight alcohol intoxication, established relationship

author’s note: you don’t need to have read sudden desire to understand this! (but please do)

this was meant to come out on halloween but i am a terrible procrastinator. but i mean this was too cute not to post? so i hope you all accept my extremely belated spooky-season offering. expect more of this sweet beautiful soft fluff when we get more into sudden desire, when we get to the baby-making stage (i gotta make up for the lack of smut somehow). This is really nothing of significance or particularly interesting, except i just wanted to write something halloween-ish

also it’s kind of obvious and i have mentioned it here and in previous sudden desire chapters but daniel is coraline’s brother and kimmy is his wife/cora’s sister-in-law, they’re in the next chapter! 

not beta’d because i have no friends to read it lmao

Coraline doesn’t usually go out on Halloween. Those evenings are usually spent curled up on the sofa, cocooned beneath her comforter, watching the entire Scream series back-to-back. It had become somewhat of a ritual, those films. Sat in the comfortable dark while she practically quoted the film back at the TV screen. An annual event since she was ten, when she’d managed to convince her dad to let her watch the first three films while her mom was out with friends. Her DVD copies were almost two decades old, now.

It must have taken something, or someone, special to break a habit so ingrained, a years-old routine. 

That was the moment Daniel Meyer knew, beyond all doubt, that Coraline Meyer looked at Marcus Pike as more than just a friend. 

Sure, she denies it. Sure she’s too damn stubborn to admit it, even to him. But for someone to pull Cora from her Scream-filled Halloween night bubble, it must take a lot. He isn’t blind, either. He’s seen the looks they give each other - those fleeting looks, a flush of red creeping to their cheeks whenever they glance between each other for a moment, that soft lingering smile on her face when she arrives at his house after a day spent with him - and he’s spent hours in his living room listening to her recall stories and gush about him like he hung all the stars in the night sky. 

Daniel Meyer knows his sister well enough to know that she only has eyes for him.

He’d been surprised when she’d rung him that Thursday morning, bright and early as the sun continued to rise high in the sky, proclaiming that she was, in fact, coming to their Halloween party. That surprise had disappeared, however, the second she’d mentioned Marcus was coming, too. He’d laughed and she’d asked why but he wouldn’t tell her, amusement peaking the moment he heard his name. It’s brilliant and he should have known, really. Of course, he should have known.

...

Coraline tugs awkwardly on the costume. It’s cheap and uncomfortable and she’d bought it last minute from some poorly-lit store in the city. It’s that cheap, plastic-like material that clings to your figure in the most unforgiving places, places it shouldn’t yet somehow moulds to. She’s just glad she didn’t pick one of the skimpier ones she’d tried, the ones that rested far too high on her thighs and squeezed her torso so tightly it felt like she was wearing a corset. She felt like she was about to burst straight through the thin material. Instead, she’d gone for the far more family-friendly option. 

Skimpy outfits aren’t a good idea for a family Halloween party.

Though, even in the most modest costume she can find, she’s still pretty sure that she looks utterly ridiculous. 

But that’s part of the charm though, right?

The costume she’s settled on is slightly more modest than the rest, now that she’s fished out those stupidly expensive thigh-high boots she’d bought for a red carpet event once, that rise just high enough to conceal the ridiculous amount of leg on show. Any other night, she wouldn’t mind in the slightest, but they tones the outfit down enough that she’s positive she won’t offend the eyes of the conservative parents whose kids run around with her nephews. 

It’s not a big deal. She doesn’t particularly care. She only cares what Marcus thinks. 

If he likes it, who cares what anyone else thinks.

The least-revealing costume in the store happened to be that of a special agent or a spy or something like that. It’s a little... on-the-nose. Still, she figures it’s fitting. 

The dress’ weird vinyl material that creaks and squeaks whenever she moves and there’s a pair of flimsy plastic handcuffs strapped through the belt loops along with an already half-worn away sheriff’s badge that shines dully under the soft light of her bedroom. It’s cheap - anyone can tell that - but the whole thing has been last-minute, Marcus trying his hardest for a solid month to persuade her to abandon her tradition and come to the party with him. Only for him. Only him.

She truly does love Halloween. And Fall is her favourite time of year. But she’d spent all week at Halloween parties with her castmates and friends - late night all weeks, far too much alcohol, far too many times hearing The Monster Mash playing insistently over loudspeakers - and, come Halloween night, the only thing she wanted to do was order pizza and indulge in her yearly marathon. She’s done that elaborate costume stuff all week, a thousand different costumes adorning her body, and pyjamas sound far more inviting. Halloween night is for relaxing, she thinks. If it weren’t for Marcus Pike, it would remain exactly that.

She’s still fussing over the ever-rising hem of her dress and thinking of just staying home when the doorbell rings, loud and imposing, almost scaring her as its shrill chimes cut through the soft music playing over her speakers. She huffs out a sigh of resignation, giving up on any hope she has of making herself feel better about what she’s wearing.

Marcus is standing at the door with a bottle of red wine in hand and a smile on his face. That smile falters when he sees her, for just long enough for her to think about running back upstairs and changing into something different. His parted lips finally form around the words his awestruck brain is fighting hard to form: “You look… -good.” It’s all he can muster. And he sounds pathetic.

“... Thanks?”

He shakes his head clear, that initial shock of seeing her looking so damn good dissipating the second she notices his wide eyes and drops her head back as she laughs. The long line of her neck sparkles under the warm flickering candlelight of her living room, thanks to that body lotion she wears. “You look great,” he insists.

She bites her lip as his eyes scan her figure from head to toe. She catches his eyes but she doesn’t mind one bit. She’s doing the same thing. And it’s infuriating because she’s unable to stop.

Of course Marcus looks good. Of course he does, because he always does. Even in sweats and a t-shirt, when she bursts through his door at 7am, coffee in hand, far too wide awake for the early hours of a morning. When he’s still half-asleep. He still looks good. He even looks good now, in a cheap vampire’s cape and plastic fangs. Perhaps it’s the all-black, his shirt stretched taut across his chest or the leather jacket he wears that fits him so well. 

Or, maybe, it’s just the slightly goofy grin he wears when he sees her laugh, dressed in her costume and swinging her handcuffs on the end of her finger, and the way his lips puff out a little when they fall over the edge of the fake fangs. 

She means to tell him just how good he looks but he speaks before she can.

“I brought wine.” He notes. He lifts the bottle - she’s pretty sure it’s expensive, but she knows absolutely nothing about wine - and she squints at the label, a half-hearted attempt at pretending she knows what all those words mean. She has no idea. 

She doesn’t even need to invite him inside, he just follows when she turns and makes a beeline for the kitchen. “Daniel will never let you inside with that,” she calls over her shoulder. Her eldest brother has hated wine since his wedding, when his best man had thrown up on his shoes outside the hotel that night, after one too many glasses. It was partly Coraline’s fault, though; they’d been drinking and laughing at the bar the entire night, the bartender plying them with drink after drink until someone hauled them outside to get some fresh air. Daniel had been pissed that his best friend and the smart and suited man behind the bar had been supplying his nineteen-year-old sister with copious amounts of alcohol, though he quickly forgave them at breakfast the next morning when their hangovers were so bad, they had to wear sunglasses indoors.

“Lucky for you-” She pushes up on her tiptoes and reaches to the back of the kitchen cupboard. She can feel the breeze on the back of her thighs and she hopes to god that her skirt doesn’t push up too far and reveal too much. A few moments clattering around blindly, she returns to two feet with two wine glasses. “-my brother is used to me being late.”

Marcus is already fishing for the corkscrew in the cutlery draw before she's even turned around. He swiftly pops the cork and is there waiting when Coraline sets the glasses between them. 

“Here’s to being late,” he proposes, holding his glass up for her to clink after he pours them both a generous glass. 

Here’s to being late.

...

They do turn up late. Two-hours late, to be exact. A little too tipsy. Or, at least, Coraline is. She’s in that semi-blissful state, caught somewhere between content happiness and that point where he knows she usually starts to cry, before the giggles force their way out and she’s hiccupping through adorable sobs of indistinguishable hysteria. 

He’s only seen her like that once after a particularly bad fight over the phone with Scott. And, while she’d insisted that the whole thing was hilarious, he never wanted to see her like that again. 

But, at least for now, they’re both smiling. 

And Marcus isn’t sure how anyone can be mad at Coraline when she’s smiling.

It seems like the rest of the street is having parties, too. The entire row of closely packed townhouses and luxury condos are humming with life; pop songs and fluorescent lighting fill the street. It feels like they’re in a movie, endless decoration spilling to the sidewalk, waterfalls of orange, black and purple. Everything is garishly bright and confused, all mismatched shapes and colours - surrealism, like a Dali painting, exaggerated and unusual and unnatural. It’s strange to see the neighbourhood like this, with its usually-pristine gardens, turned fantastical. 

The smell of the Potomac River drifts along the street, swirling in the gentle late-October breeze. It dances with the charred scent of fireworks that lingers low in the air, cinnamon and herbs, and the smell that lingers before the rain. It intertwines to make Halloween, in all its ghoulish glory. Yet, despite it all, the only thing he can smell is her perfume. It lingers on the breeze.

Coraline walks just ahead of him; she’s skipping down the street, light on her feet, her black heels cutting a rhythmic beat through the hum of the street as it comes alive. There’s been a smile on her face since they left her apartment, that bright blissful buzz of wine pulsing through her veins, and she looks no different from the kids and the teenagers that weave through the cars lining the street. She’s been holding his hand since they left, too. Tightly, like if she lets go, he’ll disappear. 

But he would never. He could never leave her.

She’s his best friend.

“I can’t believe you talked me into this,” she calls back to him as they near Coraline’s brother’s house. It’s the same as the rest of the houses on the street: lighting flashes through the windows - orange and white and purple, casting shapes across the front yard, the yard that’s draped in Halloween decorations - and the soft hum of music pumped through the half-open front windows. 

She turns to watch him, walking backwards, still holding his hand. He’s taller than her, even in her heels, so she glances up at him with a pout on her red lips. There’s a little bit of awe in his chest as he watches her navigate the cobblestones blindly, not even faltering on her heels once. She wears Halloween so well. She makes the party store costume look better than it has any idea being. Those that pass - kids, teenagers, their parents, varying degrees of effort in their costumes - watch as they walk, when she pokes a long nail at his chest. “You’re to blame.”

“It’ll be fun, love.” He poses.

She raises a sceptical eyebrow. “Oh, really?” Coraline turns to glare at him. “Dressed like this?” She gestures to herself and the dress she feels completely ridiculous wearing. “I don’t think so.”

“But that’s the point of Halloween.” 

She notices the way his brown eyes sparkle beneath the moonlight. 

Cora hums in contemplation. “I still can’t believe you talked me into this.” She repeats, but there’s a hint of a smirk on her lips. 

“You’ll get over it.”

...

Three hours into the party and Coraline disappears. One moment, she’d been swaying with her nephew, Elliot, to Fleetwood Mac, grinning and giggling as she spun him from side-to-side in her arms. Marcus had watched her from the refreshment table in the corner, engaged in a half-idle conversation with Cora’s sister-in-law, Kimmy, as she cleared the dirty plates and refreshed the chips. He thinks she noticed him watching her but she’s far too polite to say anything if she did. She just seemed to hum knowingly and sweep away towards the kitchen as he watched Coraline twirl gracefully to the soft melody of Dreams. 

She’d brought a jacket with her, the cold creeping in right as they’d made to leave the house, and the loose fabric brushed against her legs as she swayed on her heels. The breeze that wandered through the open living room window billowed beneath it. She looked ethereal like that; all beautiful and glowing and bright, basking in the vibrant flashing lights and overly-gaudy Halloween decorations that don’t quite fit the gentle songs that float through the room. Coraline had been deep in conversation with a seemingly endless stream of Daniel and Kimmy’s friends and there had been a tense set to her brow as a consequence. Now, she looks jovial and carefree and relaxed. The wine they’d drunk before they arrived - and the bottle she and Kimmy had been sneaking in the corner of the room, giggling like school girls as they filled their cups whenever Daniel wasn’t looking - probably helped her on her way but it’s refreshing to see her like this. Happy.

So much for someone convinced she wouldn’t have fun.

Marcus turned to grab another drink as the song finished, fading away into the next, and within a moment she was gone, lost in the slowly thinning crowd that danced through the living room. The two-year-old that had previously been in her arms was halfway across the room, tugging on his father’s Batman costume. The crowd that seemed to part for her and her giggling nephew had thickened again, spilling over the dancefloor where she’d spun moments earlier.

He finally finds her perched on the kitchen counter, swinging her legs back and forth idly, staring out at the Potomac River as the moon sparkles across its surface. There’s a paper plate of chocolate cake perched on her knees, stolen from the one Kimmy had taken from the buffet table earlier in the night. She prods at it absentmindedly with a fork, smearing the purple and orange frosting across the plate like she’s painting on a canvas. Pale moonlight scatters across her face; her eyelashes cast gentle arching silhouettes beneath her eyes and sloping shadows across the soft lines of her cheekbones. 

She doesn’t hear him at first. The music, Creep by Radiohead, plays in the living room. He knows most of the words to the song because Coraline has played it on vinyl so many times in the late evenings of summer, when the windows are open the whole way and the curtains billow in the breeze. Her brother has good taste, just like her; the pleasant nostalgia of eighties rock pouring through the speakers. It’s muffled by the closed door of the kitchen, slightly broken door that he’d offered to fix the first time he’d been for lunch jammed shut to allow her some peace and quiet. 

He enters as quietly as he can but the music spikes through the doorway when he opens it and draws her attention away from the glittering ripple of the water. She smiles fondly when she sees him, for a moment, and her head turns back to the view from the kitchen window. 

“You okay?” He asks. He settles in front of her, leaning back against the island opposite her. “You wandered off.”

She doesn’t seem upset. Her expression is soft and content. “I’m alright,” she insists.

The kitchen is quiet. 

The world seems so far away.

Everything that has happened before and everything that might happen after that moment doesn’t matter.

Everything will be alright.

Coraline huffs out a laugh and closes her eyes, tilting her head back to let the cool breeze of the open window sweep over her bare neck. “Just needed a bit of quiet. It’s a little-“ She makes a motion with her hands, almost like she’s strangling someone. Somehow, it makes sense to him. “-full-on in there.”

Marcus watches her. His dark gaze flickers across her face as she carries on kicking her legs gently back and forth, manoeuvring himself so the toe of her boot doesn’t slam into his shin. The world just carries on around them; the party continues in the living room, the music continues playing and everyone else moves on with their lives as Marcus and Coraline exist in that quiet moment where nothing but each other matters.

There’s a brief beat of silence filled by gentle guitars and soft lyrics.

She’s watching the water in awe. He’s watching her the same way. 

You’re just like an angel, your skin makes me cry.

“Cake?” She offers out half-heartedly after a moment’s contemplation, soft green eyes drawing back to his face. An affectionate smile tugs at her lips.

He shakes his head. “I’m good.”

“Thank god.” The smile widens to a grin and she puffs out a small giggle. “You would have broken my heart if you’d said yes.” She hums as she brings a forkful of the cake to her lips, savouring the sweet taste on her lips. Her tongue darts out delicately to chase the remains. Her lipstick leaves a red spider web across the fork.

He won’t, but he’s never wanted to kiss her more than in that moment. The world stops for a moment when she meets his gaze as she does it, peeling her eyes away, cheeks flushing slightly. He won’t, but, god, he thinks she’s lovely. He won’t kiss her. Kissing her on the cheek or the nose or the forehead, that’s different. It’s familiar. It’s welcomed with a smile and she does the same to him, sometimes. Kissing her for real. That’s entirely different. He doesn’t kiss her unless she asks him to. Until she wants him to.

Whatever makes you happy. Whatever you want.

“That good, huh?” 

She nods. “I don’t know where Kimmy buys it from but it’s incredible.”

“Hmm, maybe I will take some.” He reaches for her plate but she tugs it away, a mock-offended expression on her face. 

“Hey!” She pouts. “Pretty sure that’s theft, Marcus Pike. Don’t make me arrest you.” She chides, patting the plastic handcuffs that rattle against her belt. 

“I’m pretty sure I’m the only one with the authority to actually arrest someone,” Marcus attests, quirking an eyebrow in amusement. 

“Not tonight.” She hums, tapping a nail against the badge that rests against her chest. She tilts her head and a bright smile crosses her red lips. She wears that gentle glow of wine across her cheeks, all pink and rosy. Coraline reaches up to card her fingers through the curls at the back of his head. Marcus sighs at the feeling of her nails scraping across the scalp at the nape of his neck. She leans closer for a second, so close that he can feel the warmth of her breath fan across his cheeks. Her eyelashes dip as she traces patterns across his scalp and dances the digits over her other hand up the bare expanse of his arm, prickled in goosebumps from the light scrape of her nails. There’s a blissful haze that passes her expression when she glances back out across the moon-drenched river. His breath hitches in his throat whenever she touches him like that. Whenever there’s intended intimacy behind it. That comfort that settled between them long ago.

Coraline doesn’t even realise she’s doing it, sometimes. It feels like second nature, now. 

She can feel her cheeks burning at the thought of it all.

She pulls her hand away from him all too soon. Marcus thinks about chasing her hand, pulling it back to hold him again with the lightest of touches. But he lets her go. Again. The moonlight casts silver shadows across her face like some kind of goddamn angel basking in the light. Instead, he just watches her as she picks the paper plate of cake back up, brings up another forkful and smiles in delight at the taste.

“Oh, really?” He answers in response to her earlier words, realising he’s spent far too much time watching her than he should. His hand brushes the outside of her knee before it comes to rest on the kitchen counter beside her leg. It’s unintentional. At least, he thinks.

You’re so fucking special. I wish I was special.

“Cora-“ He calls to catch her attention again. She turns her head to face him, her eyebrows raised a little in expectancy and surprise. “-you’ve got some frosting-“ Marcus swipes at the side of his mouth, where Coraline has a spot of purple frosting clinging to the corner of her lips, blemishing the otherwise-perfect red-paint. 

He steps forward again, reaching his thumb up to swipe the frosting away. She watches his movements at first, before her gaze focuses intently on his face and the dark-eyed gaze that follows the slow movements of his thumb. When he moves to pull it away, to wipe in on a piece of kitchen towel, she reaches for it, pressing the frosting-covered pad of his thumb against her lips. 

She grins around it when her eyes widen, swiping her tongue over the soft flesh, before pulling it back slowly. There’s a ring of red lipstick around his thumb. Her voice is low when she speaks, in tone and volume. She peers up at him through her lashes. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t know what she was doing. “You can’t let good frosting go to waste.”

He wants to swear. He needs to. Because all he can think of, right now, is kissing her. Again. He wants to taste the frosting still lingering on her tongue and he wants that red lipstick to stain his lips. He wants her hands in his hair, tugging and twisting as he presses his mouth to hers and he wants to feel her smile against him when the way she pulls him closer makes him groan. 

He wants to feel all that he can barely have. He wants the memories that linger when he’s in bed without her at his side, when their insane agreement isn’t in action. He wants more than fleeting moments. He wants it all. 

But he’s just being selfish. 

And, besides, she doesn’t want that, either. Not now. Not here.

“Do you want to leave?” It’s intended to be an innocent question. But, with all those thoughts and those hidden desires, with all those feelings he isn’t positive are anything more than shallow, unrequited and completely ridiculous and the swipe of her velvet-soft tongue over the pad of his thumb, it sounds loaded. He’s breathless. He groans to himself and steps back from her. 

Coraline doesn’t fail to notice the way his fingers skim the bare expense of her outer thigh when he moves. She half-wonders what he’s implying with it. She never knows what’s intentional between them anymore. She thinks it probably has meaning; she had his thumb between her lips just moments before. She isn’t even sure what she was implying. 

“We can get pizza.” 

“Pizza, huh?” She hums in contemplation, but there’s no decision to be made. In her mind, she’s already said he’s a thousand times, and she’s been ready to say yes since the moment they stepped through Daniel’s front door. As much as she loves Daniel and Kimmy and her niece and nephews, nothing sounds better than pizza on the couch with Marcus. “What kind of pizza?” She toys, musing the image over in her mind, finishing off the last mouthful of cake, already missing the sweet frosting.

But, intentional or not, goosebumps prickle across her skin. 

He’s leaning closer, now. He can’t help it. She draws him in with that damn smile. “Veggie.”

Her favourite.

“Tempting.”

“Very tempting.”

“From the pizza place on Pennsylvania?” Her eyes light up at the prospect. Her back straightens and they’re looking each other in the eyes. 

Marcus brushes a thumb across her knee. Coraline tries her best to hide the shudder that threatens to pull through her at his touch. Heat pools in her stomach and her chest and her breath hitches in her throat. “Where else?”

She groans, small and breathy, pushing its way from her mouth, almost like she’s been winded. Her eyes close over. Her eyelids flutter. Her head is swimming from the wine she’s drunk, head buzzing with that pleasant intoxication as the alcohol sweeps through her. She can’t help it. She can’t stop it. But she can’t tell whether it’s a response to the promise of her favourite pizza or the feeling of his warm palm against her leg. She doesn’t particularly want to know. But she brushes it off as the wine. It makes more sense.

It’s a little embarrassing.

Her eyes open again and he’s still looking at her, expectation and gentility in his gaze. “And garlic bread?”

He smirks in amusement. “Whatever you want, Cora.” His thumb brushes over her knee again. “Whatever you want.”

She grins. “How can I say no to that?”

“You can’t,” Marcus insists. He steps back from the counter and she slips off, smoothing out her dress and shucking her jacket around herself as the wind casts a shiver across her skin.

“Can I at least change first?”

He exhales a laugh through her nose. “Nope.”

“Oh, Marcus, come on!” She groans. His hand slips into hers; her delicate fingers curl around his, her palm soft against his work-calloused hands. “I look ridiculous.”

“It’s Halloween, love.” The pet name makes her legs feel weak. His voice is low and affectionate when he turns back towards her. He ducks his head and kisses her cheekbone. He lingers to whisper in her ear: “And you look hot.”

[jonthethinker]

Alright, this is going to be a long post, but I like Critical Role a lot, so here goes.

Something to consider as the new CR Discourse boils over: fandom discourse is no substitute for activism, and if your emotions are so wrapped up in it that you feel enraged with a righteous fury or utterly devastated by a development in certain aspects of your favorite entertainment product, you may need to back away.

I understand what’s going through the heads of the people on both sides of this discourse. Critical Role feels like this safe place to feel a little less alienated and depressed about the world we live in. This is the same for many entertainment products. The people seem so open and fun and accepting, and we just layer all of these feelings and expectations on people we don’t have an actual personal connection to in real life, because we’ve spent so much time watching and listening to them and come to feel like we know them and are connected to them more that we actually are.

I get it. In this world we have very little in the way of actual power. Most of the power we have is what products we choose to consume, and so in a roundabout way, what you consume become a moralistic decision; you can be considered a bad person for listening to a certain podcast, or disliking certain characters, or having certain opinions on celebrities. We come to focus more on what people think than what they do.

There’s this quote by a civil rights leader named Stokley Carmichael I think about everyday that goes, “If a white man wants to lynch me, that's his problem. If he's got the power to lynch me, that's my problem. Racism is not a question of attitude; it's a question of power.“

I have come to believe this is true about everything; racism, sexism, religious bigotry, homophobia, transphobia, classism. All the major problems of our world are caused because certain groups have power to dis-empower and harm others with little to no consequence. This isn’t because of the group they belong to, but because they have that power in the first place. It may be an unpopular notion, but I believe that if you went through history and reversed every power dynamic the other way around, you’d still have the same situation. If women had the power men have had for all of history, misandry and in this case matriarchy would probably be just as bad as misogyny and patriarchy are in our current world. The problem isn’t the group, it’s the power.

So you have these folks online, who in real life are probably alienated and exhausted and depressed and they turn to an entertainment property to make themselves feel a little better and make it through the day, and in this instance, it’s Critical Role. And because everyone’s morality is all wrapped up the products they consume instead of the actions they take, it is Capital G Good to watch Critical Role. I mean, they support the charity, and say the nice things, and seem so fun and genuine, and so they are Good.

But then a problem arises. One of the Cast says or does something that goes against what they like. Maybe this is another in a long list of things they have done that have been deemed Problematic by certain sectors of the community. And seeing as these people have so little power in their lives, to demand better wages at work, more consideration from the halls of power, more protections from the many harms inflicted upon them by those with more power, they decide enough is enough. They don’t have the power to change their material circumstances, but if they can join forces with enough like-minded people online, they can perhaps forcibly remove the Problematic Element through social pressure, or at the very least, harass the person they don’t like into one hell of a headache.

But alas, there are others in the fandom community, here to save the day. They too see themselves as Good for consuming the Critical Role product, and they may very well like this thing suddenly labeled Problematic. And you see, it can’t really be problematic, because they like it, you see, and they are Good People, who only consume the Good Things, and if some aspect of this were Problematic, it wouldn’t be Good anymore, and that, in their minds, is a flat out impossibility. The Goodness of Critical Role, and by extension their Goodness for liking it, is at stake. That just won’t do.

So this second group proceeds to scold and harass the other group in mass, bitterness seeps in deeper, trenches are dug, and a fandom is further divided, its members further alienated, and everyone hates everyone else just a little bit more. In one fell swoop, the world is a little worse, and a little harder to navigate, all because some well meaning folks wanted to protect what is Good by using the power they have.

Critical Role is a show made by well meaning, upper-middle class white professionals who live in the Los Angeles suburbs. They seem to have a lot of compassion for others, I wouldn’t deny them that, but they make this product to make money. That is what it is for. They may try to do some Good with it, but that Goodness is going to be shaped by their well meaning upper-middle class white perspective, and all the blindspots that entails, and at the end of the day, if it didn’t make them money directly or indirectly, they would stop doing it, regardless of the Good they could do.

This does not make them Bad, and I’m not suggesting so. We live in a Capitalist society. We all want to be able to live comfortable lives with our dignity intact, and under Capitialism, in order to do that, you have to make money. So that’s what they do. I have empathy for that motive. As I do for Critters who want to hold them accountable with what power they have to Be Better, as I do for the Critters who hold those Critters accountable with the Power they have, and so on and so on. We all want to be Good. I just don’t think this is how you’re really going to do it.

I don’t care what products you consume. There is no ethical consumption under Capitalism. You’re going to be hard pressed to find a product in the world that doesn’t involve someone being exploited or tricked somewhere along its production or consumption (and while you can and should seek out those that do the least harm where you reasonably can within your means, it is unavoidable under our current system to avoid benefiting from someone’s exploitation). As much as it hurts me to say this, it is almost certainly true for Critical Role as well. And that is a hard pill to swallow. Especially if you’ve based your entire identity on consuming the Good products, instead of the Bad ones. This is why I don’t care about the products you consume, I care about how you use your power, however big or small. That is what defines you. Not your ships. Not your faves. Your actions.

There is a real hunger to do good in this community. I see it all the time. Think of all the charity drives CR has handily met the targets of. That desire is real, and it’s beautiful. I am here simply to encourage another avenue besides online discourse for you all to act upon all those good intentions. There are many organizations and political bodies that would love your In Real Life support, that will simultaneously allow you to do good and build real connections with the people around you in your own communities, and start the delicate, difficult process of empowering the dis-empowered and holding the powerful to account.

And I know you may feel tired and beaten down, anxious and depressed, socially-limited and uncouth in comparison to what you imagine the members of these organizations to be. But I promise you all of them started out feeling the same way. It is through those efforts that you can truly do good instead of just feel good, and create a purposeful, meaningful life for yourself along the way.

It is through solidarity and cooperation towards mutual goals that we make this world more livable for ourselves and the most vulnerable among us, not bitter infighting and petty online squabbling. Maybe I come off as an a real ass for saying all of this, and for that I’m sorry. I don’t mean to or want to hurt anyone. I too just want to do good, and maybe this will help, in some small way.

Don’t forget to love each other.

[bymoonchild]

Set On You (M)

Pairing | Jungkook x Reader

Genre | Fluff, smut / volleyball!AU, college!AU, setter Jungkook x manager reader

Warnings | Light smut, detailed thigh-riding, thirsty nsfw thoughts, alcohol consumption, swearing and a whole lot of hopeless pining and soft moments because it’s soft uwu hours 24/7 

Word count | 18.1k

Summary | Sports has never been your thing, so when you find yourself in a sports hall that reeks of perspiration and cologne and in front of a group of volleyball players whom you’re supposed to be managing (heck, you can’t even manage your own life), you know that you’re in Deep Shit™. 

Especially when Jeon Jungkook, the golden setter of the team aka the boy who holds stars in his eyes, starts to occupy your reveries, slowly becoming both the quiet and pandemonium of your heart.  

The repeated squeaks of sneakers and harrowing smacks from the contact of palm against ball reverberate across the court, sounding awfully similar to the erratic thumping of your heartbeats, but they do nothing to drown out the thudding in your eardrums. Cowering meekly behind the door of your school’s daunting indoor sports hall, the perspiration on your palms is getting way out of hand and your legs almost threaten to take you back to your dorm, but the palpable, icy-cold air that greets you halts you in your tracks.

Clad in their renowned black and red jerseys, you watch the volleyball players manoeuvre effortlessly all over the court, giving their all to keep the ball up in the air. They almost look identical – radiating with a peculiar charisma and indomitable grit – if not for the designated numbers on their backs.  

More volts of panic pulse through your veins. You’re intimidated out of your wits, but even for a person who’s allegedly allergic to sports, you can’t deny the ferocity of their match – it’s pretty enthralling. Thinking about it, this is actually your first time catching your school’s volleyball team in action and you have to admit that their teamwork is quite something.

Sports has never been your thing, let alone volleyball. In fact, you would very much rather be cooped under your quilt in the comfort of your air-conditioned room at this very moment. How you’ve landed yourself in a humid and stinky indoor sports hall that reeks of perspiration and cloying cologne, facing a group of really tall and sweaty college boys with that signature awkward grin of yours is beyond you, and something you definitely didn’t foresee yourself doing in your second year in Seoul National University.

You should have trusted your gut feeling when you thought that agreeing to be the student manager for the school’s volleyball team to earn extracurricular points for your scholarship would be a terrible idea. Gosh, this is all on Hoseok, your English Lit seatmate and also (surprisingly) the captain of the volleyball team. Curse him and his manipulative ways of convincing people.

According to your very wise friend, 1) you desperately need to join a club ASAP because the only club you belong to is the Sunshine Club – no, it’s not a real club, it’s just a pejorative term for students who alternate between home and school, and that certainly earns you zero extracurricular points, 2) you need to get out of your comfort zone more often because this is college and in college, you fuck things up for the fun of it, and 3) a student manager could really do good for the volleyball team because the new season is starting really soon and they’re gearing up for first place this season after their demeaning loss to Hanyang University last year, oh and also, the boys have been praying everyday to have someone (new and well, fun) other than their coach on the team because the old man sure can be a little grump.

You don’t question the last point because it’s a known fact that the volleyball team is your school’s pride and joy. When they were beaten at their own game last year, the entire school went in mourning for a whole damn week. It’s pretty hilarious, the more you think about it, that the competitive sport is basically just a more intense game of “don’t let the balloon touch the floor”. But almost everyone finds the sport cool because somehow or other, the players also happen to be naturally tall and also attractive – though the latter is highly subjective and does not include your terrible friend.

Albeit not knowing the players personally and being able to match their names to their faces, you’ve seen the gang in school, perpetually flaunting their black and red jerseys that can be spotted from miles away and drawing attention to their rambunctious selves.

The number of people who admire (and worship) them don’t escape your notice too, including your smitten professors who all have a mutual soft spot for Hoseok whenever he falls behind or sleeps in class. It seems like everyone is oddly bewitched by their charms – you’ve heard stories about the appalling number of girls who’ve confessed to them and hooked up with them at parties, only because Hoseok can’t stop gloating about the increasing count. But whether they’re just plain ole rumors or facts, you’d rather not be involved in their social politics because Hoseok is your own Gossip Girl and that’s more than enough, really.

“Guys, gather up!”

Coach Kim blows his whistle and literally the entire team comes scrambling to swamp the two of you. A wave of panic washes over you, draining colour from your face as they start to look you up and down inquisitively. You’ve never felt that inferior about being vertically-challenged before, but being surrounded by a group of volleyball players who could appear to be almost a good 2 meters tall? Definitely not up your alley.

“We finally, yes, finally,” you don’t miss the enthusiasm and relief in Coach Kim’s voice, “have a student manager on the team!”

At that, everyone explodes in loud cheers, their gruff voices filling up the court and you shudder at the resonance of their voices.

“Hi,” you give a little wave to the tall towers before you, trying to make things less menacing for you. “I’m Y/N, a second-year Psychology major. Nice to meet you! I’ll be the student manager from today onwards. Hoseok dragged me here—”

“Yay, welcome Y/N!” Hoseok interrupts your intention of throwing shade at him with an overzealous whoop of excitement and his teammates divert their attention to their loud captain. “You guys be nice to her or you’ll be catching these hands.”

They all roll their eyes, before grunting out an okay. After taking turns to introduce themselves – honestly, your brain could only be loaded with so many names, you’d definitely need more time to digest and remember their faces, the players soon disperse and resume their usual rotational drills.

Turning to you with an eerily wide grin, Hoseok then leads you to the perimeter of the court and hands you a clipboard. “Okay for today, just familiarise yourself with the positions and the guys. Easy peasy, I know we’re all good-looking—”

You interrupt his narcissistic statement by faking a gag.  

“Rude! As I was saying before I was rudely cut off, we’re all good-looking, but it’s easy to distinguish us. Unless you mix Seokjin-hyung and Jungkook up, which is fine because they look quite similar. Both ugly.”

“You just said—”

“The entire team is present except for Jungkookie. He’ll come later because he’s taking a test now. When you see a tall guy who looks like an overgrown, emo baby bunny, just mark Jungkook present.”

You hum mindlessly and glance over to the guys who’ve already taken their respective positions.

“Now, now, don’t gush over the guys. They’re fucking gross. They sweat a lot and stink like rotten meat after practice.”

“As if you don’t too! I’ve sat beside you in class after your practice before and I had to hold my breath the entire class.”

“Excuse you!” He clicks his tongue in annoyance, “I’m already pretty hygienic compared to the others… Anyways, it’s too late to back out.”

“Oh shit.”

“I’m kidding! We’re really nice, a little intimidating maybe because of our heights but that’s only because you’re short as fuck, but we don’t bite… unless you want us to. Come! Let’s go through the positions together.”

Being the volleyball neophyte you are, Hoseok walks you through the various volleyball positions. You learn that there are four main positions and only six players are allowed on the court, though the entire team is 14 members strong. There are three wing spikers in total – Hoseok, Taehyung, and Yoongi – and they carry the defensive workload. Namjoon and Seokjin are the middle blockers, while Jimin is the libero who wears a different coloured jersey since he can conveniently switch in and out of the game (usually with Seokjin) and lastly, the setter, who is none other than Jungkook. Hoseok calls him the backbone of the team.

“Okay, this isn’t that hard. I can do this,” you think to yourself after Hoseok leaves to join his teammates, a dry attempt to spur yourself on.

Maybe it’s because you haven’t done much besides committing their names and faces to memory and learning about the different positions, but the first thirty minutes of practice have been going surprisingly well, until—

“Jungkookie!” Hoseok shrieks while looking past your shoulder towards the door.

“The overgrown, emo baby bunny?” You quote your friend, before turning your head to look at the latecomer.

And damn, you wish you could take back your words. Standing before you is a boy who’s unfamiliar to your sight, but a dazzling one in appearance. His hair is a black mop of soft tousled locks, his onyx eyes are doe-like and his lips take on a soft rosy pink tint.

Upon your words, Jungkook doubles over with a boyish chuckle. “Hyung! What did you call me?”

Ignoring the latter and swatting him away, Hoseok continues with a beam, “Yep, this is Jungkook, our golden setter. Great, now you’ve met everyone on the team!”

He then turns back to Jungkook, while offering you a pat on the back, “Jungkookie, meet Y/N, our new student manager. Treat her nicely or I’ll break your fingers.”

Jungkook takes offense at the threat (his dearest fingers…) and glowers at his captain. He then turns to you and you notice that his facial expressions soften for a moment, before his face starts to scrunch up. With a contrived smile, he extends out his hand, “Hello, nice to meet you.”

You draw in a furtive breath, painfully aware of how he practically looms over you.

“H-Hi, I’m Y/N.”

You instantly curse yourself, red threatening to dot your cheeks because Hoseok literally just said your name like 10 seconds ago.

Even from where you’re standing, it doesn’t take much for you to notice how his eyes take on a sharp, mesmerising glow. Like stars glistening in the velvet night sky, vying to out-glow one another.

And so, you panic.

“Nice to meet the overgrown, emo baby bunny,” are the words that follow your already embarrassing introduction and you grimace upon hearing yourself, wishing to swallow your stupid words back. Your mouth just lives to sabotage you whenever you’re nervous.

The awkwardness starts to saturate the air, uncomfortable in the way it clings onto the two of you, minus Hoseok who’s drinking everything in with confusion. Jungkook’s eyes rest on your embarrassed features, blinking owlishly and this is when you know that you need to leave, stat. Embarrassed, you bite your lower lip and mutter, “I have to go… help Coach. Bye!”

Spinning on your heels skittishly, you jog past hoarse hollers of nice serve and chance ball to join Coach Kim at the sidelines and you swear you’ve never speed-walked this fast in your entire life before. It literally takes every ounce of you not to freak out even when you can still feel holes being bored on your back. Not even an hour into practice and you’ve embarrassed yourself already? So much for beating your personal record.

“Well, that was painfully awkward,” the captain taunts with a smile full of mirth.

“Urgh h-hyung, stop it!”

Besides the brainwork of remembering the players’ names and positions, your agenda of tasks also includes physical labour, much to your dismay, of refilling water bottles, picking up stray balls from all corners of the court and being in charge of the dreaded grimy storeroom aka your new hiding place away from the sausage fest outside.

You don’t really get to watch today’s full six-on-six match, too busy scrambling all over the court to gather the stray balls and when you’re finally done, the boys have taken a five and are sprawled all over the floor, grumbling loudly in fatigue.

Joining Coach Kim on the bench, your eyes sweep quickly across the court and you see Jungkook lying on the ground with his eyes closed, chest heaving up and down rhythmically in tandem with his breathing, like an empty boat blobbing on gentle early-morning waves. What catches your attention is how apparent his jersey sticks to his abdomen, slightly exposing his torso and warmth violently flares in the full of your cheeks, tipping your ears pink. You can’t unsee it, but you desperately want to. Beside him, Hoseok has his shirt rolled up to his chest, baring his well-sculpted front, but you don’t feel a thing. 

As if on cue, a raven black mop of dishevelled locks rises up from the ground, swiftly meeting your eyes in the process. He freezes like a rabbit caught in a snare, eyes wide and shoulders rigid. But it’s not like you’re any better. You stare back at Jungkook blankly, trying your best not to panic because he just caught you staring at him like a creep and it’s only your first day.

Uh oh.

A disconcerting feeling starts to stir in the pit of your stomach, so you quickly pry your eyes away because you’re that good at pretending that you didn’t see shit.

From your periphery, you realise that he’s still looking straight at you and you shudder at the weight of his piercing gaze, feeling hot all of a sudden.

Eventually, you decide to muster up some courage and turn back to him. You see that his eyes are still dead set on you and this throws you off kilter. Forming a thin line on his lips, he suddenly throws himself back onto the ground with a thud, causing his teammates to rise up instantly and wonder what the heck is wrong with their setter.

The way Jungkook stares at you remains etched in your mind even after practice. If this is what you’re going to face three times a week from today onwards, you’re going to need all the luck you can have and probably also some calming tea for your unsettling nerves.  

You arrive at the sports hall punctually the next practice, a tad excited, albeit the nerves in your stomach. Instead of reporting straight to Coach Kim, you decide to greet the few players who are already warming up, but almost retract your footsteps when you see Jungkook part of the warm-up circle.

He’s already staring at you with that same gaze of his, but the boys don’t sense your hesitance and beckon you to join them. It’s a little too late to back away, so you saunter over with a bubbly façade, ignoring the fact that Jungkook is still relentlessly boring holes onto your face.

“Hey!” Taehyung chirps and scoots over to make space for you. “Sit here, Y/N!”

“Hi Y/N!”

“Did you come from class?” Hoseok pipes, spinning a volleyball with his finger.

“Yeah, it ended 10 minutes ago.”

“H-Hi.”

You hear a soft murmur beside you and turn your head, only to meet Jungkook and his brown doe eyes. Seated only inches away from you, his breath fans out across your cheek and warmth scatters over your skin in the rise of gooseflesh at the proximity. He doesn’t break eye contact with you for few seconds, as if you two are the only ones in the court, before he blinks away and continues stretching like he didn’t just stutter.

“Hey, Jungkook,” you mutter in a slight daze of confusion, wincing when your words come off as a gasp, so you quickly turn back to somewhere safe – to the sight of Hoseok doing push-ups with the derpiest face ever. If Jungkook has heard your silly gasp, he’s sure being really nice for not laughing about it or bringing it up.

Once Coach Kim finally enters the court, you run up to him in relief because you’re dying to break away from Jungkook’s gaze, and Hoseok invites you to join their discussion about the strategies for their practice match. Foreign terms like “quicks”, “back-row attacks” and “jump float serves” are being strewn around vivaciously, but you dutifully scribble whatever you could decipher on your clipboard, though the technicalities are starting to get pretty overwhelming.

Mid-way into the discussion, a particular chuckle floats over to your direction and you can’t help but draw your gaze to the middle of the court. You see Jungkook goofing around with his teammates, spinning a volleyball deftly with his hands, and the edges of your lips curl up at the sight of him having fun. It’s strange how he’s so uptight whenever he’s around with you, all rigid limbs and awkward glances.

Practice starts promptly after the discussion and things start to change half an hour into practice, contrary to their chill warm-up session. Taking their respective positions, nobody’s cracking jokes or slacking off, all committed to ensuring that the ball stays afloat and honing their skills.

The shift in Jungkook’s demeanour is especially evident to you. From the shy and awkward boy he is around you, he’s now focused and charismatic. His gaze doesn’t break away from the ball, always on the lookout and poised to set.

The boys practice for another two hours, constantly refining their moves and providing feedback to one another. Besides listening to Coach Kim’s never-ending commentary and laments about the boys, you also move around the perimeter to observe each player and take notes on your clipboard.

You somehow find yourself standing near the net, where Jungkook is positioned in his fully immersed glory. Hoseok calling him the backbone of the team comes to mind. After researching more about the different positions, you’re aware that the setter controls the flow of the game and orchestrates the attacks, but what intrigues you more is knowing that Jungkook is one of the best setters in the zone. You wonder if he’s really that amazing as what they make him to be, so you decide to take a break from your clipboard and pay full attention to the boy in front of you.

The ball arches over the net from the opposing team and Jimin springs into action, diving on the ground without hesitation. He grunts loudly when he manages to save it, pumping it back up in the air. A rolling receive, you recognise. From behind, one of his teammates screams an exasperated “nice save”.

The ball glides over to where Jungkook’s at and he extends his arms, as if inviting it to rest in his cupped hands. You can’t help but be mesmerised by his figure that’s positioned at a breath’s gap from the net, his back arching into a parabolic shape and thigh muscles rippling as he uses just one hand to slightly push the ball over the net with great aplomb. His effortless move sends the ball diving straight onto the ground, untouched by his stunned teammates from the other side.  

“A dump!” Taehyung hollers excitedly, “Holy fuck!”

“What the fuck, Kook!” Namjoon from the opposing team shouts in frustration, but seems to be equally impressed by Jungkook’s sly move. “You’re a devil.”

Jungkook lets out a satisfied chuckle at their dumfounded reactions and the edges of your lips quirk up involuntarily. His sun-kissed skin shimmers with a thin sheen of sweat on his neck, while his dark eyes sparkle with intensity. He looks almost idyllic being on the court, phenomenal even – it’s like he belongs there, like he was born to play and shine on the court.

There’s something about his contented smile that’s enamouring – there’s something warm, soft and child-like beneath it. Something very much like a young boy playing hide-and-seek, hidden deep within him and hoping to be discovered and resurrected.

His smile is a nice sight.  

The match resumes and you continue to observe how the setter receives the ball and tosses it to his teammates with impeccable control and precision. The way his fingers cup the volleyball doesn’t go past your notice and you gulp when your eyes land on his veiny arms.

A warm tingling feeling courses to your own fingertips. You wonder how holding his hand would feel like and similar thoughts continue to invade your mind throughout the entire practice.

The following practices fly by in a blur.

You’re on the bench with Coach Kim, your clipboard in hand. You’ve soon found joy in analysing the skills of each player and coming up with strategies, and this is evident from your clipboard that’s now filled up with your messy handwriting. The exciting game of volleyball is really starting to grow on you, though what’s more captivating is watching the setter shine on the court.

Jungkook is a silent and calculating setter who pinpoints his tosses with an eerie tactical accuracy. He’s especially meticulous in estimating the average height of each spiker’s jumps and he knows how to change the speed and altitude of his tosses to complement each teammate, leaving no room for mistakes.

While you’re realising all these by yourself, the guys are still fighting it out on the court, engrossed in the last set of the practice match and Jungkook’s team is in the lead. It’s against his own teammates, but the setter’s competitive burn doesn’t seem to know when to stop, boundless when it comes to the things he’s passionate about. This isn’t exclusive to just him though – his teammates seem to have picked up his vigour too, all firing with extra vitality. It isn’t surprising as all of their efforts are dedicated to winning the championships this season.  

Seeing how the game is never coming to an end because they’ve been at match point for the last five minutes and neither team is letting their guard down, you excuse yourself from the game to refill their water bottles. Seokjin decides to join you when he watches you leave. Jimin has stepped in for the last few minutes of the set and you thank him for his help because carrying 14 water bottles is not an easy task.

From the corner of his eye, Jungkook sees you returning to the court with their water bottles hugged to your chest and he wishes he could run over to help you. But when Seokjin appears behind you, sharing a laugh with you, an unfamiliar feeling pools in his stomach – something about the sight of you laughing with his teammate puts him off. He doesn’t like it, but he softens at how brightly and effortlessly your face lights up. Seokjin’s probably telling you one of his overused dad jokes.

Sharp curses and flustered yells of Jungkook’s name fly through the air, but there’s barely enough time for him to process what is going on. He registers the blur of yellow and blue spinning in a few centimeters away from his face and before he knows it, he’s crashing on the cold hard ground from the impact.

A yelp escapes from the back of his throat. He feels like his nose just did a full-on pancake save on the ground. The middle of his face is throbbing in pain and his vision starts to blur from the tears at the edges of his eyes.  

“Jungkook, what the heck were you doing!” Coach Kim bellows and jogs over to check up on him, his creased forehead is evidence that he’s in disbelief that the golden setter is actually capable of being distracted during a match.

The blazing blur of blue and yellow is soon replaced with shadowy looming figures and gasps of horror.

“Gosh, your nose is as red as Angry Bird,” Taehyung pipes in and chortles with his phone in hand. “What the fuck, I need to capture this. This is blackmail material.”

“Dude! What was that about?” Hoseok kneels down, a tad amused by the situation. “You’re normally not like this, who were you looking at?”

“Guys, guys! Give him some space…”

A lulling voice emerges amidst the insults mercilessly thrown at his injured self and Jungkook relaxes a little.

Easing your way to the front, you squat beside him, wincing at the sight of the bloody gash. A single line of blood trickles down his jaw and then to his neck, causing a red seam on his jersey.

“Okay, kids! Thank god that we have a manager now. Y/N will take care of Jungkook and his bloody face, so get back to practice!”

You offer him a little smile as he stares at you wide-eyed silently.

“Jungkook? You’re okay. You’re fine, it doesn’t look that bad,” you coo reassuringly, hoping to lessen the pain that’s evident from his contorted expression.

Pressing the back of his hand to his nose to wipe away the blood, Jungkook flushes pink, as if his face isn’t red enough already. Besides the stinging pain on his face, he feels his heart beating a merciless staccato rhythm. He already has trouble breathing from the blood in his nostrils, but all air rushes out of him when you inch even closer to assess the damage and he shuts his eyes in panic.

“I’ll take you to the nurse after you’re all cleaned up.”

Jungkook grunts in response. With careful fingers, you cradle the back of his head and push away his sweaty bangs with your other hand, before gently wiping the area around his nose. Slowly reopening his eyes, he gazes at you quietly and you avoid eye contact with him at all costs, but you shiver involuntarily when the warmth of his breath graces your arm.

At this close of a distance, you can count the long eyelashes that frame Jungkook’s large orbs, the crooked bunny teeth that appear when he winces, the little mole under his lips and the faint scar on his right cheek that mars his otherwise unblemished and fair skin. His hair also feels soft as it tickles the back of your hand and you’re so tempted to thread your fingers through them. You have to physically shake your head to rid yourself of these thoughts.

“Okay… Slowly…” You slip out of Jungkook’s hold as he settles on the edge of an empty bed in the school clinic and the nurse approaches you two without a word, as though injuries like these are an everyday occurrence.  

“Does it still hurt?”

“Not as bad as before,” he mumbles bashfully, peeking at you through his lashes and you instantly want to melt into a puddle on the floor, especially since there’s less blood, people and space. It’s just the two of you now.

Noticing that you’re standing awkwardly by the door, he pats the space beside him and you move over, actually tired from the whole ordeal.

You two make some small talk while waiting for the nurse to return. You learn that Jungkook is in his second year too, a Computer Science major, and you tell him that you’ve never seen him in school before though the Social Sciences faculty is right beside his.

“I think I’m kind of low-key?” He states and you raise an eyebrow. He is definitely not low-key. There are probably girls gushing over him at this very instance.

“I’m always in class or at practice. Okay, I spend 30 percent of my life in class, 60 percent at practice and the last 10 percent in my room,” he explains animatedly, flinging his hands to gesture how he divides his time.

You try not to sputter into a fit of laughter, but laughter pokes its way across glassy eyes and pink cheeks when Jungkook scrunches his nose at his words.

“But I think I’ve seen you in school before? Your faculty always has fundraiser activities going on. And you performed for a talent show before, didn’t you? My friend dragged me to your faculty’s talent show. You sang an Adele song right?”

“Oh,” you squeak, a little too high to your liking, red finding its way up your cheeks. You’re nonplussed and a little touched that he remembers you from the other talented and pretty female contestants because they’re so many girls around him and you’re just… well, you’re just you.

“Oh my god, I probably sounded terrible,” you grimace, hand flying up to cover your face in embarrassment.

“No, you didn’t! I remembered your performance because it was that good.”

“R-Really?

He hums in response. 

“Okay… thank you, I guess?” You look down at your fingers awkwardly. “That’s really nice of you.”

A chuckle escapes his lips. “No – thank you. Coach would have just left me bleeding on the ground if it wasn’t for you.”

A small smile tugs at your lips and the edges of his lips start to curl up to a semblance of a smile as well. Before you know it, he has his hand up, gingerly ruffling your hair and your entire body instantly stiffens, as if zapped by electricity. Muted colours of soft pastels swirl in your head. You think that his touch on your head might actually burn more than his squashed nose.

“No problem, Jungkook.”

It’s been a month since you joined the volleyball team as their student manager and now your existence alternated between school, your dorm and the sports hall, but you’re actually enjoying every bit of it.

It’s a Tuesday, which means there’s no volleyball practice, but you’re heading to the sports hall to clean up the storeroom and do some administrative stuff for their upcoming friendlies.  

“Y/N!”

Looking up at the direction of the familiar voice, your eyes land on Jungkook who’s smiling at you and you stop in your tracks. You drink in the sight of him in a white T-shirt, ripped light blue jeans and a denim jacket. It’s nothing over the top, but he looks stunning regardless and you have to curb the lingering wisps of excitement brewing in your stomach.

This is probably the first time seeing Jungkook in school. Ever since his bloody nose incident, the two of you have started to become less uptight with each other and are now friends, if you choose to omit the awkward stares, flustered cheeks and sweaty palms. Just friends, nothing more or less.

You wave to him, trying your best to hide your surprised expression. He has never approached you directly during practice, let alone in the hallway. 

“Where are you headed to?” He breaks the distance between you and him in less than five strides.  

“I’m just going to clean up the storeroom. You?”

“Clas—oh actually, I was about to practice my tosses too.”

“Don’t you have class?”

“Um, no I don’t?”

“But you were just walking in the other direction, away from the sports hall.” You raise an eyebrow and tilt your head.  

This stops him cold. He can’t place your expression exactly – it’s a cross between amusement and confusion and this makes him even more torn between wanting to continue lying so he can go to the sports hall with you and dropping the act and running away to save himself from further embarrassment. He chooses neither.

“Okay fine, you caught me. Can we… let’s just go to the sports hall together?”

How and why is a mystery, but you find yourself nodding your head in acquiescence.    

Walking beside Jungkook is anxiety-inducing, as if you aren’t nervous enough around the said boy on a regular basis. As you pass through the hallway of blur figures, you pick up a whiff of Jungkook’s scent – it’s a comforting, clean fresh laundry scent that rests pleasantly on your nose. The soft material of his denim jacket is ticklish as it brushes against your arm, sending your heart ricocheting even more furiously in your ribcage.

There’s always been something about Jungkook that makes you feel… alive, you realise.  

It’s the little awakening tingles that shoot up your spine every time his skin comes into contact with yours, be it casually and intentionally and the momentary halting of your heartbeat and the fluster that attacks you without a warning whenever he gazes at you. It’s the little crinkle at the edges of his eyes when he’s smiling and his mellifluous laughs – both soft and loud ones – when he’s cackling up with the guys that never fail to render you breathless.

You hate how you always magically transform into an incoherent fool every time you come in contact with him. But no matter how times he has caused your heart to stop for the briefest of moments, you don’t regret the lovely loss because you’ll gladly succumb to any pain, fuzzy feeling or ramification that Jungkook brings – just because, as strange as it sounds, you like it.

You don’t realise that you’ve held your breath the entire walk to the sports hall until you reach the storeroom and that was only possible after persuading the insistent Jungkook that you don’t need his help with clearing the cabinets.

When you’re done after spending an hour in the stuffy storeroom, you find Jungkook spiking the balls against the wall in his sports attire. You swallow hard when your eyes trail down to his accentuated butt that looks too good for his own good and his thighs that flex dangerously when he moves. Your cheeks sear with embarrassment that’s hot enough to burn away your lewd thoughts.

For someone who’s painfully shy and cannot toss a ball for pity’s sake, you cannot fathom where you get the sudden surge of courage, but your mouth decides to take matters into its own hands and blurt out something along the lines of “Hey, want me to toss the ball to you?”.

You hate how your voice rises in the end, turning into an awkward squeak, but he seems to find it adorable if his dazed look is anything to go by.

Eagerly taking you up on your offer, the two of you soon fall into a comfortable pattern – you’d toss the ball to Jungkook for him to practice his tosses and spikes and this continues till the volleyball crate is emptied out. Sometimes you don’t toss high enough and he’ll laugh at your fail attempts, but he’s always patient with you and even teaches you the proper way of tossing the way with the correct push. Heck, you didn’t even know that there was a correct way of tossing a freaking ball.

After what seems like 10 hours, you sit down to catch your breath, slightly embarrassed by your lack of stamina because Jungkook looks like he can go on for another 10, looking as impeccable as ever. When he runs a hand through his hair with that lopsided smile of his, it leaves you even more short of breath. It’s as though he’s doing this on purpose.

His fitted shirt is drenched with sweat, cruelly sticking to his abs and you gulp when your eyes trail down to his thighs. The fabric of his shorts hugs his lower half like a second skin, revealing the harsh lines and sculpted muscles of his thighs. And you really need to curb your obsession for his thighs, because it’s getting way out of hand and you���ll skin yourself alive if he ever finds out about it.

“Hey, you tired?” Jungkook trudges over to sit beside the stoned you, playing with the ball in his hands.

“Oh no no, I’m okay,” you lie blatantly and begin to stand up, but he stops you.

“It’s okay, I’m pretty beat too. Want to grab some food? I’m actually really hungry.”

He looks at you with a painfully familiar glint swimming in his corneas and your breathing stutters violently at the sight.

Listen, you don’t know if you can survive being this close to him, but you decide to fuck it when Hoseok’s words echo in your mind: you need to get out of your comfort zone more often – go and fuck things up.

Deciding to heed his stupid advice, you shoot Jungkook a smile, “Thought you’d never ask.”

Somehow or other, you two end up eating at a convenience store near campus because ramen after practice is always a good decision.

“So, um, how’s school?” Jungkook starts off, picking up his noodles with regalement, but deadpans upon realising how lame he sounds.

“How’s school?” You repeat with a bemused tone, chuckling at his dry attempt at making small talk.

“I mean like… tell me about yourself? Like how’s school been like for you… Urgh, this is so embarrassing.”

He groans loudly and buries his head in his palms and then peeks at your face through the spaces in between his fingers. His heart swells like never before at your smile and the tinges of amusement dancing in your orbs.

A highly ranked and skilled setter he might be, but Jungkook knows no shit when it comes to his strange, burgeoning feelings for you. He wishes that feelings could be more like volleyball – systematic, clear-cut, and guaranteed a clear, satisfying view if you try hard enough. Human emotions bring along this ambiguity that he’s scared of approaching. He isn’t sure if he is capable of understanding it, but there’s always a first time for everything.

You laugh dryly, “I’m always clueless when I’m supposed to talk about myself. I guess I’m just a normal person with normal dreams and normal hobbies?”

He chuckles boyishly and your breath hitches, nervous as heck from the way he’s looking at you so attentively with a soft smile.

You continue, “Okay, I don’t really have a hobby and I spend a lot of time by myself in my room. I know I’m lame.”

“No, it doesn’t! If it makes you feel better, I feel normal too. With normal dreams and hobbies.”

A corner of your mouth curls up in retaliation. “Being the golden setter of SNU’s volleyball team and probably the best in this entire zone isn’t quite my definition of normal. Now I feel even more boring.”

“No! Urgh… You’re not boring. If you were, I wouldn’t be here listening to you – I swear. And I have a limited patience for boring people… like Coach. God, he is the most boring person in the world.”

“You’re just being nice to me.”

Jungkook shakes his head fervently and your heart gnaws at how disconcerted he is –he’s trying so hard to make you feel better about yourself that it’s endearing.

“Being normal is great, but there’s nothing normal about normal I feel? And you… you’re a special kind of normal. You’re nice, smart, funny, sometimes pretty awkward but still not as awkward as me, so you’re not that bad.”

You chuckle sheepishly, but your smile fades away when he shoots you a longing look before muttering under his breath, “And you make me feel normal.”

His brown eyes glimmer in the hazy streetlights, highlighting the caramel flecks in them. Your eyes dart between his soft expression and his fingers that are drumming against the table.

“Me?” You squeak, startled by Jungkook’s sudden confession. Your mouth drops agape, but it’s quickly overridden by a shy smile when you observe how the little blush on his cheeks has receded to make camp on his ears, the glint in his eyes brighter.  

“Yeah. When I’m with you, I feel normal. Not a volleyball player or the golden setter. Just me, Jeon Jungkook.”

Heat sits high on your cheeks as his words linger in your ears. The world seems to hang suspended, out of space and out of time. You try to find your voice but your tongue is suddenly terribly numb, so the two of you continue to sit in silence, staring at one another and enjoying the swim of your heads.

That night, Jungkook walks you back to your dorm and you give him a hug before saying your dreadful goodbye – a lilting whisper of good night Kook.

Hugging isn’t uncommon with the team because they’re strangely big on hugs and being their manager means that you’re their personal teddy bear that they can crush after a long tiring practice. But you don’t miss how you hug Jungkook a little tighter and longer compared to the casual ones you share with the others, relishing the warmth of the sweet honey gold that pulses through his veins. To your surprise, he wraps his arms around you as well and the two of you stay in that position for awhile in the quiet of the night. The way his broad chest heaves up and down alongside his slow, steady humming heartbeat serves nothing but as a solace to you.

You feel safe in his arms.

There is truth that you think Jungkook is cute, that you couldn’t deny, alongside the emotionally-constipated but quiet and sincere ways he cares for the people around him. He’s sincere, doesn’t sugar-coat his words and can also be quite the jokester. He doesn’t flirt excessively and make you feel uncomfortable nor does he do anything particularly extravagant to get your heart racing, but your heart still runs a fucking marathon nonetheless.

That night, you only manage to fall asleep after spending hours trying to counter your own thoughts and coax the erratic slamming of your heart against your chest. He’s a child of the cosmos. You wonder if he sings lullabies and waltzes with the stars in his slumber.

You wonder if the stars look at him in defeat, envious of the way he outshines them all. The effulgence he possesses beats the brilliance of all the other stars.

In between shy glances and awkward banter sessions, Jeon Jungkook has slowly become both the quiet and pandemonium of your heart.  

That night, Jungkook’s phone blows up with messages from his teammates and he’s this close to throwing his phone on the wall and strangling them with his bare heads, seniority and all be damned.

[minie hyung] [22:49] jungkookie is getting it [22:49] with y/n our lovely manager!!! 2 qt pies   [22:49] [Image]

[best captain in the world] [22:49] damn kid [22:49] it’s only been 2 weeks   [22:50] and i didn’t ask y/n to join the team so that you could hit on her??

[jungkook] [22:50] guys wtf I’m not hitting on her!!! [22:50] we’re just friends [22:50] and wtf jimin hyung where were you??? when did you take that pic?

[minie hyung] [22:51] when you 2 were busy staring at each other!! [22:51] i was just walking back home and passed by the store bcs I WAS HUNGRY [22:51] but you were too engrossed in looking at each other and being lovey dovey to notice me but what’s new

[yeontan’s dad] [22:51] y/n’s hella cute tho

[grumpa hyung] [22:52] yeah, really pretty and smart too

[jungkook] [22:52] lmaO say wAT [22:54] she’s mine, just saying [22:55] back the fuck off

[joonie hyung] [22:55] “we’re just friends” he said

[handsome hyung] [22:56] aww our kookie has a crush !! who knew that you were capable of feelings

[jungkook] [22:57] well someone has to take ONE for the team

[best captain in the world] [22:57] wrong interpretation of the phrase kid. [22:58] you just insulted y/n, i’m telling on you

[jungkook] [22:58] NO HYUNG PLEASE DON’T [22:58] I’M SORRY ☹ Y/N PLEASE ☹☹☹ [23:01] hyung????

“So… you and Jungkook, huh?”

Hoseok plumps his ass down dramatically onto the seat beside yours and you, for the nth time, regret choosing that seat on the fifth row on the first day of your English Lit class. Who the hell would have known that you’d sit beside the pesky and loud-as-fuck volleyball captain and end up being extremely good buddies?

“Me and Jungkook?” You tilt your head, though you already have an inkling of what he’s going to bring up. You just wish that he wouldn’t tease you too much about it.

“Yeah, you two have been awfully and shadily close nowadays. You know you’re all that he talks about, right?”

Your heart drops to the pit of your stomach at his last sentence. You had no idea at all.

Hoseok catches the flush that runs all the way down to your neck and simpers at your speechless self who’s currently mindlessly picking at your food and avoiding all eye contact.

“And the sexual tension between you two is real. Don’t think the team hasn’t realised. It’s our favourite thing to talk about now. Besides talking about our sexcapades, that is.”

“What the fuck? I totally did not want to know that.”

Shooting him an incredulous glare, you throw a fry at him. The thought of Jungkook engaging in hook-ups bothers the heck out of you and you want to vent all your frustration on your meddlesome friend. You wonder if Jungkook’s as nice to other girls as he is to you, and if there’s another hapless girl who’s in the same plight as you. The thought of it makes you sick.

“Okay, but you must have noticed how intensely Jungkook looks at you. Like he wants to eat you up. Or out.”

“Oh my god, can you not say that so loudly?”

“I speak nothing but the truth, girl.”

“Shu—”

“Speaking of the devil, look who we have here? Your lover boy!” Hoseok guffaws.

Fate is really pulling strings to get the two of you together.

You tilt your head upwards and amidst the bustling students, you spot half of the volleyball team in the middle of the cafeteria – they probably decided to grab lunch together before practice – and then your eyes land on Jungkook, who’s already looking at you with his doe eyes and boyish smile. He’s dressed in his signature look – his favourite oversized black hoodie that practically drowns his physique and grey sweatpants – and damn does he look dashing.

“Guys, over here!”

Hoseok hollers as loud as he can, much to your dismay, diverting all attention to your table and you squirm in your seat with a defeated sigh. As they make their way over, you focus on stuffing your food in your mouth, so you can hurry get the fuck out of here. But before you know it, a tray is settled beside yours and of course, it belongs to none other than Jungkook.

You scowl at your tray, knowing that the guys have obviously left that particular seat empty for Jungkook. From your periphery, he slides into the seat beside yours and your entire body tenses up. Despite having gone out for a meal with him before, you still don’t think you can handle the proximity.

He greets you with a hi and you nod back in response. He has no idea of how his mere presence fills your veins with electricity.

The boys soon fall into a conversation about their rivalry with the other schools and throwing a party before finals to relieve some stress and frustration – you honestly wonder what kind of frustration they’re talking about here.

Sitting with the volleyball players – even just half of the team – for lunch makes you wonder how the heck you agreed to becoming their manager and how you’re still with them because they’re so rowdy and embarrassing. You’d probably feel intimidated by them if you didn’t know them personally, but look at yourself now: you’re part of the team and also hopelessly crushing on their setter, who happens to be sitting right beside you.

“Oh right, Y/N! I have something to show you,” Hoseok coos from across you, wagging his eyebrows suggestively with a sparkle of mirth in his orbs. Interest rekindled, you urge him to spill and he fishes out for his phone from his pocket. At this, you notice Jungkook tense up instantly.

After scrolling through his phone for a few seconds, Hoseok beckons you to lean forward with a shit-eating grin and you have a hunch about what he’s up to.

“The other day, Kookie said some things in the group chat that you might want to see.”

“Hyung!” Jungkook flares up beside you, lurching forward across the width of the table and snatching the phone from Hoseok’s grip before you could even look at the screen properly. “Fuck hyung, you’re such a snake!”

Hoseok only shrugs casually. You have to battle Jungkook yourself if you want to pursue the matter.

“Jungkook, what’s on his phone? Why can’t you show me?”

“Um, i-it’s a secret!” He panics, holding the phone high up and out of your reach.

Clicking your tongue in annoyance, you try to grab it, but Jungkook’s hand is so fucking long that you can’t get the phone within your fingertips regardless of how high you reach out.

“Kook!” You lament, leaning forward to weasel your way to find out why he’s being so shady, but he doesn’t let up and holds the gadget even further away from your reach.

Caught in a frenzy, you don’t realise how your boobs are pressed against his left arm and your other hand is propped onto Jungkook’s thigh. How and when it happened is nebulous. It’s only when your fingers find themselves kneading his thigh that you realise the dire situation you’re in.

Dragging your eyes down to where your hand is at, you halt when you realise that it’s centimetres away from his crotch. Any careless movement and you’ll be brushing against Jungkook’s dick and this very thought sends a small jolt through your body.

Fuck.

The fact that he’s wearing those grey sweats of his doesn’t make things any better as they’re proudly flaunting the distinct outline of his bulge prodding at his sweatpants. Gulping down hard, your whole body freezes up blankly.

Seconds stretch into infinity. When Jungkook realises that you’ve stop persisting, he absentmindedly turns to you and is met with a dangerous view of your cleavage conveniently pressed up against him. But he soon grasps that this isn’t the sole reason why you’ve turned paralysed. When his eyes follow your gaze and find that your hand is milliseconds away from his bulge, he flings Hoseok’s phone onto the table.

“Oh my god, fuck I’m so sorry Jungkook.”

You withdraw your hand away instantly and pry your eyes away from his crotch, though you can’t stop thinking about his bulge. Flopping back into your seat, your limbs turn into goo. You’re definitely going to hell.

He looks up to meet your eyes, fumbling frantically over his words. He wants to bury himself alive.

“It’s ok—I, um, it’s fine, Y/N. It’s okay. Shit—”

He trails off awkwardly and you almost choke at the congealing tension in the air. You swear you could slice it with a knife and then use the same knife to cut Hoseok apart because your friend sure is a devil.

“Gross. Can you guys stop flirting with each other in front of us?” Jimin pipes and you dart your eyes to across the table and see that everyone has their eyes fastened upon the two of you with amused expressions. You close your eyes and wince – maybe if you close your eyes long enough, you’ll disappear into thin air.

Jungkook clears his throat awkwardly and stares hard at his food. He takes a little peek at his crotch and dies a little more inside upon realising that he’s popped a boner in the fucking cafeteria just from your touch. Fingers tugging down the hem of his hoodie, he hopes that you wouldn’t look down and notice it.

The next few minutes of lunch pass by agonisingly with you fuming silently in your chair, looking more like an aggravated hamster than anything with your flustered face and crease on your forehead.

Every time Hoseok reaches over to pet your head, he’s attacked by an icy glare and a hard kick to his shin from the boy sitting two seats opposite him. But he also notices how Jungkook melts at the roses flaring across your cheeks. He’s so whipped. Their golden setter is so fucking whipped and he has no clue what to do about it.

It’s D-20 to the start of the season. The team needs to kick their training into high gear if they want to be ready in time for their first official match and that means absolutely no slacking and only two hundred percent during training and friendlies.

That goes the same for you too. You’ve been busy coming up with strategies for each player and organising friendlies with neighbouring schools. It’s hard to arrange friendlies due to time constraints and it took you tons of phone calls and paperwork, but you manage to secure a session with Hongik University just before the start of the season.

You’re just returning to the sports hall after walking the Hongik team to their bus when a loud bedlam from inside catches your attention. Rushing into the sports hall, you see the SNU players huddled in a circle, tension evident in the air. Arms are being recklessly thrown about and bodies are being shoved.

Squinting your eyes, you take in the breadth of the agitated shoulders and your stomach drops when your mind registers the number 9 on the jersey.

Jungkook.

A wave of panic hits you square in the chest. From where you’re standing, you watch Taehyung grab him on the shoulders to calm him down. The setter retaliates by flinging his arm, turning to your direction in the process. He is livid, cheeks flushed red with eyebrows furrowed as he proceeds to grab another teammate by the collar.

Number 1.

Hoseok.

This sends your stomach flying into a sequence of contortions.

You’ve never seen Jungkook this furious before, normally so composed with his feelings. This very sight gets your blood rushing frenziedly, especially how he’s this close to socking Hoseok in the face – Hoseok, his captain whom he respects so much.

Ignoring the fear that catches in your throat and freezes the breath in your lungs, your legs take you across the court as fast as they can.

Jungkook freezes and drops his fists instantly when he spots you approaching. The nervous flickering of your eyes doesn’t escape his notice and under your worried gaze, he feels the world crumble at his feet. He feels like he’s the shittiest person in the entire world.

You reach out for him with unsteady fingers, but he recoils at the slightest touch of your fingertips, distress and chagrin all over his face. A series of frustrated grunts and curses escapes his lips before he stomps off the court with heavy footsteps, ignoring the concerned looks of his teammates as he barrels out of the door and slams it shut.

You stare blankly at the door, bombarded with a tumult of conflicted emotions. You contemplate running after him, but you understand that Jungkook probably wants some alone time to cool down. So you choose not to, staying behind to check on Hoseok while the others fill you in about the argument.

“I kept missing Jungkook’s tosses and he got mad at himself for not tossing high enough for me, but it’s not even his fault,” Taehyung explains apprehensively. “He was in a bad mood throughout the match, so we lost. After that, Hoseok-hyung went to talk to him and Jungkook started lashing it out on him.”

His lips quiver at the thought of him causing the argument, so you put your hand on his shoulder and offer him a small smile.

“Y/N, check on him for me, please?” Hoseok walks towards you and pats your back softly. You could only nod, because knowing the setter, he’s probably beating himself up right now.

Torn ligaments, twisted joints and sore shoulders: they all heal with time, but disappointing the team is a heavy weight to carry, especially for setters.

It’s the setter’s role to bring out the best of their teammates, to know each of their strengths and weaknesses and adapt accordingly to each player’s skills. And it’s also the setter’s fault if his teammates keep missing his tosses. It’s his fault for their loss today.

Jungkook’s limbs feel so heavy that it’s as though he’s carrying the weight of the world. No one is blaming him. Not to his face, at least. But he knows that he has led them down and his self-deprecating thoughts are so loud that he can literally drown in them. He might look like a dense guy, but there’s a tenacious hurricane living in his mind.

Hunched over on a bench, he grits his teeth and locks his fists, nails digging the skin of his palms, while hot tears threaten to spill. Maybe if he practices harder, maybe if he doesn’t fuck up that often, maybe if he disappears, the team will be better—

“Hey Kook.”

He snaps out of his trance when his ears perk up at the familiar voice. Blinking his tears away, he sees you with the same concerned gaze and feels a sharp tug at his heartstrings at the very sight of your worried expression.

You lower yourself to meet him and press a cool water bottle to his forehead. The sudden coldness makes him look up and the tugs soon multiply rapidly when you smile softly at him, moving to sit beside him.

You don’t talk for a good three minutes, letting the silence weave itself comfortably into the spaces between you two. You don’t really know what to say and you don’t want to force him to talk either.

“You’re always saving my ass.”

Jungkook shatters the unnerving silence with a sigh.

Your lips curl up at his attempt of lightening up the mood. “Maybe that’s because I’m your manager?”

All hardness of his features soon disappear and he looks like a scared bunny. Honestly, you just want to give him a tight hug until you take away all his sorrows.

“I mean, beyond being our manager… You always seem to be around whenever I mess up. You’re like my personal cheerleader,” Jungkook laughs.

His laughter is a sweet symphony to your ears, prompting a small bubble of laughter to escape your lungs too. “Out of all things, I especially don’t want to be your personal cheerleader.”

Your relationship with Jungkook has developed by leaps and bounds over the past few months. From being awkward strangers who could barely hold eye contact for more than two seconds, to a cordial manager-player relationship, and to the good friends (minus the bashful smiles, burning cheeks and occasional NSFW thoughts) who look out for each other that you are today. It’s amazing how much you two have opened up to each other.

“Y/N, do you think I’m self-centred?” He asks suddenly. “I’m sorry that you had to see me like… this. I wished I had a better control of my emotions, but sometimes it’s just really hard, you know…”

His words clog in his throat and he swallows them meekly.

Your heart gnaws at the way he views himself.

“Hey, don’t say that. You’re not self-centred, Kook. In fact, you’re one of the most selfless people I know. And I know it’s hard – it’s normal to feel frustrated. Everyone’s feeling the pressure, but your feelings are valid even on bad days.”

“So… you’re not going to scold me for picking a fight with my teammates? With Hoseok-hyung?”

“You think I came here to do that?”

“Yeah,” Jungkook mumbles and looks away glumly.

“Don’t be silly,” you nudge him softly, urging him to turn towards you. “I came here because I know that you feel responsible for losing today. You’re angry at yourself for Taehyung’s slip-up.”

“Y-You know? How?”  

“Hmm, I notice a lot of things about you, Kook. You just don’t realise it.”

An acknowledgment between a whine and a ‘hmm’ escapes from the setter’s lips, so quizzical and innocent that he sounds like a bunny.

“It’s just… I’m the setter and I’m supposed to be the core of the team so if we don’t do well, it’s on me. It’s my fault… I just don’t want to disappoint them.”

The remainder of Jungkook’s sentence dies on the tip of his tongue as he shuts his eyes, remembering the commotion he caused.

“But it’s not your fault, you know that right?”

“I—”

“Do you know how much the team looks up to you? You’re indispensable. The guys depend on your skills, your experiences and trust in them. Yes, the team could have done this and that – a lot of things could have been improved – but we shouldn’t be focusing on the could haves. This is why we practice and practice. You’ll do better next time, I’m sure.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because,” you turn to him, settling your hand on top of his. “You are Jeon Jungkook and all of your teammates have faith in you. Myself included.”

“You?” Stupefied, his voice comes out as a soft whisper.

“I’m your teammate too, right? Oh, and also your personal cheerleader. I mean, this title was kind of forced on me but I’ll take it if it makes you smile – just like how you’re smiling right now.”

Jungkook merely shakes his head with a soft smile and raises his arm to ruffle your hair, stirring up a mini tornado within you. He chuckles when you jump slightly, displaying his bunny teeth in their full glory and though you would have liked to stare a little longer, you have to stop yourself, so you avert your gaze. The pink flush threatening to dot your cheeks is lethal and you can’t afford Jungkook knowing your true feelings.  

He then squirms closer, eliminating any space in between you two, and rests his weight on you. Before you know it, he’s lowering his head on your shoulder and your heart soars at the intimacy.  

He feels warm beside you. He’s always mysteriously warm and it’s the kind of warmth that brings you nothing but comfort. You resist the urge to press closer against him and tilt your head to match his, still too stricken to move a muscle. He continues fidgeting, until his nose finds the crook of your shoulder.

“It’s nice,” Jungkook murmurs and you almost don’t catch it.  

“What’s nice?”

“That you’re here.”

Golden stardust bursts within you upon his words, doing absolutely nothing for the wildfire claiming the land of your chest, but you try to conceal the joy in your voice.

“Well, you can’t get rid of me that easily. Until I get sick of managing you idiots, but I also need extracurricular points, so I’ll still be here, whether you like it or not.”

“I like it.”

Lowering his gaze to the ground, he repeats with an earnestness that wakes up the hummingbird of your heart with a gentle pat on its head. “I like it a lot.”

You can almost imagine Jungkook serenading it with a lullaby – you know he would.

There’s no denying the sudden lightheaded feeling you get from the sweet calm of his presence. You can’t ignore how your wandering eyes are always somehow meeting his sparkly ones and how they rest on you longer than they should, rendering you breathless every single time.

While Jungkook is energetic and burning with passion, slightly insecure and childlike in his own dumb Jeon Jungkook ways like a young fire, you, on the other hand, are perceptive and calm, like a soft breath of cool air on a hot summer day that sways the knee-high grass in the meadows. And maybe this is why he adores you so much, for you are each other’s opposite and complement.  

You used to be skeptical about the idea of love and hate all sorts of uncertainties, but that was until you found a new home in the galaxy of Jungkook’s eyes.

“Shall we head back?”

He stands up, looking as determined as ever. He offers his hand to help you up and you gladly reach for it. To your surprise, Jungkook slips his fingers into yours wordlessly and any hope of catching your breath fizzles out.

The two of you walk back to the court with comets dancing across your rosy cheeks and smiles brighter than the celestials in Jungkook’s eyes.

He’s hella whipped for you – that he will willingly admit defeat. There isn’t a definite time or date when he realised that he has his little crush on you, or when that little crush has graduated into a serious, ardent adoration for you. It’s a gradual plummeting; a peaceful and clandestine descent before his heart was willingly taken hostage by you.

You’re catastrophically beautiful, completely detrimental to the feeble defences of his heart. You never fail to soothe the storms in his mind with your lulling presence. No one has ever heightened such a keen capacity of physical sensation in him and to be very honest, he is utterly petrified, but he wants to try, if it’s with you.

The world around you is spinning.

As part of their team bonding efforts and to relieve some stress before the season, the team has decided to throw a party at Hoseok and Namjoon’s frat house, which only means: a fuck ton of alcohol and unruly volleyball players with no brain or mouth filter whatsoever.

After chugging seven shots of vodka and four shots of suspicious mixtures that were handed to you, you’re more than just out of it. Everything is fuzzy and ten folds funnier, liquid confidence smouldering within your bloodstream. The amount of alcohol in your system is enough to make heat pool in your stomach and send your thoughts into a frenzy.

You’re aware that you’re badly smashed, but for fuck’s sake, you don’t understand why you can’t stop having nasty thoughts about the boy sitting in front of you.

Opposite you, Jungkook is watching his embarrassing teammates sputter into a howling bout of laughter with an amused grin. From his half-lidded eyes, he’s a little out of it, but he still looks fucking good and this causes your chest to swell.

You’ve made eye contact with him for the fifteenth time within the past two hours. Much could be said in the language of stealth. It’s as though you two enjoy this little game of the push and pull attraction of two magnets. You don’t miss the twinkle in his eyes that never fails to ignite a deep fire in your bones, washing your senses away. As you imploringly pry yourself away from his intense gaze, you turn to see Hoseok flashing you his most annoying grin ever.

“Fuck off,” you mouth, knowing exactly what your idiot of a friend is about to say, but this only urges him to tease you even more and you want to sock him in the face.

Without wiping that annoying smirk off his face, he leans forward and whispers into your ear, “You two little shitheads have been eye-fucking each other the entire time.”

“Wha—”

“He probably has a boner right now. Just look at him trying to cover it up.”

Your eyes search for Jungkook. Shifting uncomfortably with a cushion planted on top of his lap, his irises suddenly dart all over the room to avoid looking anywhere near you.

You gulp down.  

He has a boner?

The voice in your mind screams at you hysterically and you can almost hear the smile in her tone. He has a boner. A fucking boner! Fuck.

How your thoughts run from wanting to tape Hoseok’s mouth so that he’ll shut up for the first time in his life to imagining yourself taking care of Jungkook’s hard-on is beyond you. The mere thought of Jungkook’s hard dick strained against his jeans gets your mind whirling with images of you kneeling on your knees, kissing the head of his dick before taking him completely in your mouth and blowing him till he comes.

Between glowing cheeks and averted eyes, you abandon the righteous battle with your morals, knowing exactly what you want.

You want him. You want him to fuck you senseless until you forget your own name.

These thoughts send a bolt of heated pleasure straight to your core, causing wetness to pool between your thighs.

Frenziedly, your eyes trail back to the setter and you notice him fidgeting uneasily under your gaze. Fuck, you’re not freaking drunk enough for this. You reach out to grab the drink from Hoseok and down the deathly concoction that he probably made with the intention of getting downright wasted. Seconds after your brave and reckless act, you wince at the burn of your throat.

Hopes of washing your cacophonous, lustful thoughts away with the burning liquor go in vain because it’s just simply fucking impossible. This has morphed into a battle of brain and heart. Your heart definitely knows what it wants: for Jungkook to take you there and then, but your brain is screaming at you to stop being so concupiscent. But since when have you ever listened to your brain? Jungkook probably doesn’t even think of you that way. Poor boy’s probably going to be mortified when he finds out how ready you are to bend over for him.  

Shoving Hoseok away in embarrassment because you’re ashamed that that bitch has caught you red-handed, you decide to hide in one of the rooms to clear your head because the living room is an intolerable place to catch your breath and rid your filthy thoughts when everyone is raucously downing shots and screaming at one another. You may be a wreck, but this place is a breeding place for hell and havoc. So much for team bonding.

After finding your way through the maze of sloppy and rowdy drunks, you spot a bedroom down the hall – yes that’s right, Hoseok’s room. Hopefully, that will teach him a lesson for perpetually feeding off your misery.

In your drunken state, it takes you a few fumble attempts to ease the door open and when you see one of the boys sitting on the edge of the bed, you know you’re utterly fucked.

Jungkook.

With a cup of vodka in hand, looking as irresistibly riveting as ever.

A whimper finds its way lodged in your throat and you’re unsure whether to laugh or cry at the absurd situation, because ending up in the same room with the boy whom you’ve been trying to avoid the entire night because you couldn’t stop thinking about sucking his dick dry is truly ridiculous.  

His eyes widen when he finds you at the door and his lips can’t help but part to expose his teeth at your surprised and shit-faced expression.

“Y/N?” He slurs, voice raspy, and you grasp that he, just like you and everyone else in this apartment, is wasted as fuck, so you should definitely leave before you do something that you’ll regret. You’re about to turn on your heels and hide from him for the night and well, the rest of your life, but the alcohol pulsing through your veins screams at you to fuck it and go against your thoughts.

“Hey,” you mumble, closing the door behind you.

“You okay?” Even in your drunken state, you can still hear the worry burning at the edges of his usually composed voice. You nod as he pats the space beside him and you amble towards him.  

“It was too noisy. Had to take a breather in somewhere quiet,” he mumbles, raising his cup to his lips.

“Me too.”

The two of you continue to sit in silence, drinking in the moment of weird stillness and suffering from the whirlpool in your heads. At the speed that your thoughts are racing at, it’s a feat how your mind is still functioning – how it can still coherently form lewd thoughts and images of Jungkook buried in between your thighs.

You need to tame the fire that’s flaring viciously within you before you lose control and pounce on him. For what it’s worth, you notice that he has been anxiously fidgeting with his cup, downing it for the nth time in the past five minutes. You’re pretty sure that he’s drinking nothing and is probably just as nervous as you.  

Deciding that anywhere would be better than being stuck in a room with the boy whom you can’t stop lusting for, you break the silence, “Um, maybe I… should go—”

When you stand up to leave, Jungkook frantically leans forward and grabs hold of your wrist, pulling you towards him. He hasn’t meant to do it, but you somehow end up toppling over, bones liquefied by the booze.

The room starts to spin even faster, your orbs flickering back and forth. Your body is planted snug on top of his thighs, your hands and boobs pressed against his broad chest and your crotch against his bulge.

Arms firm around your waist, his body heat zaps your skin with a fiery warmth, flaring up your neck and ripening your features with an unbridled lust. For the briefest of moments, you swear you feel his dick twitch beneath you and the way he gulps down his saliva hard confirms that he bears the exact same thoughts.

“Oops, sorry,” you giggle, feeling an abrupt surge of high from the alcohol. You push against him to steady yourself, but he doesn’t let up, arms still locked around your befuddled self.

Another deafening silence descends. Even in your intoxicated state, you can still hear the thumping of your heartbeat blasting in your eardrums. You two look into each other’s eyes, unmoving. You can’t tell much from Jungkook’s eyes since they’re droopy and hazy, but he’s looking at you so intensely that it sends another zap of electricity down your spine and to your arousal. You subconsciously rub your thighs together and his lips curl up into a smirk when he realises the effect he has on you.

“Y/N,” Jungkook whispers hoarsely and he leans in till he’s dangerously close, till the delicate graze of his mouth transgresses the juncture between your jaw and ear and a familiar prickle of gooseflesh tremor moves along your neck at the sudden proximity.

“You’re so beautiful.”

A cascade of warmth starts to pour into your abdomen, the intimacy of the moment suddenly drawing upon you. You can even smell the alcohol from his breath and it’s inebriating, making you wetter than ever.

“Can I kiss you?”

He breathes into your ear and you jerk your head in bewilderment, eyes wide and ears ringing. You hesitate and wonder if he’s joking, but he shows no sign of teasing; just a look of patience and sincerity.  

“Y-Yeah,” your words come out practically as a whimper and you let your eyes fall shut as he slowly inches forward.

When he presses his lips against yours, a fizzle of electricity runs through your veins. His lips are everything that you’ve imagined – soft and warm. Intoxicating.

He parts them slightly, enough to capture yours nicely, and presses in a little firmer. The tip of his tongue shyly licks at your bottom lip, coaxing you in more, and you feel like melting in honey.

Greedy for more, you chase his tongue and he chuckles in satisfaction, tangling his tongue with yours. God, he can taste the vodka and sprite on you and as silly as it sounds, he thinks this is the best mix he has ever tasted.

You whimper against his mouth, fingers threading through his hair and tugging softly at them.

“Fuck. I want to do bad things to you,” he exhales with a little whine, hands smoothing up the expanse of your back.

Despite your drunken, flummoxed state, you manage to hear him loud and clear. A deeper surge of tabooed desire runs through your veins at the thought of Jungkook getting turned on by you. You imagine him getting off to thoughts of you, desperate for your touch. You wonder what kind of risqué fantasies he has of you and if they’re as filthy as yours.

“Like what?”

“Urgh Y/N, please don’t make me say it out loud. I’m drunk, but not drunk enough to tell you that I want to fuck you.”

“You do?” You ask, voice laced with a barely restrained frustration.

“I want to strip you bare and fuck you. Right. Now.”

“How badly?” You bat your eyelashes at him coquettishly. It’s almost impossible to curb the lingering wisps of excitement brewing low in your stomach.

“So fucking bad,” he groans, gnawing at his bottom lips anxiously. “B-But not today… I want it to be done properly.”

You sulk blatantly, tugging at his hair again.

Cupping your cheeks, he lowers his forehead to meet yours and chuckles, “It has to be somewhere perfect for you. N-Not in my captain’s dirty ass room.”

“But Kook,” you protest with a whine and press yourself against him. His entire body tenses up when your cold hands begin to roam, slipping underneath his shirt and tracing the hot flesh of his chiselled abs.

“God, you’re such a tease. Fuck you.”

The desperation in Jungkook’s voice is shameless and he’s this to close to surrendering at the hands of your intoxicated dirty self.

“Please do,” you whimper frivolously against his neck, licking at the tender exposed skin. The heat between your legs is so intense that it’s starting to ache with need.

“Y/N—”

“Fuck, I fucking love your thighs.”

It must be the alcohol talking, but fuck it. You’re going to follow your heart’s desire.  

“W-What?”

He stiffens underneath when your nimble fingers graze along the inside of this thighs.

“Do you know how distracting your thighs are when you wear those volleyball shorts?”

“You were staring at my thighs?” The teasing lilt caressing the edges of his voice doesn’t escape your ears.

“Your thighs are fucking thick. It’s too tempting to look away.”

The winning moment of liquid courage takes over your brain completely and you can’t help but moan unabashedly when Jungkook’s fingers slip under your dress, grazing your skin languidly.  

“I-I want to ride your thigh.”

There. You said it, embarrassment drowned in giddy anticipation and longing ages ago.

Jungkook grunts despairingly. Every single nerve-ending of his is aflame, skin tingling with ferocious desire.

You are going to the bane of his existence.

“Please?” You beg wantonly, aching to be touched.

In sly discretion, you press your thighs together, desperate for some sort of friction that will make your throbbing need easier to bear and Jungkook clicks his tongue in fake annoyance, shooting you a glare when he realises what you’re doing.

“Fuck, Y/N. You’re trying to kill me. I’ve had a hard-on ever since you arrived.”

You giggle, noticing how his normally-doe eyes darken with rampant lust and you rub your thighs even more.

“You’re so fucking pretty. So beautiful. Fuck my life.”

He rolls his lower half suggestively, allowing you to detail the thick profile of his length – underneath lies a furious red begging to be touched and sucked.

“Ride my thigh,” he instructs, eyes glassy with lust and desire, inducing another wave of lechery to consume your insides.

Without any hesitation, you adjust your position on his thigh to make yourself at home, torso melding against his and this fucking turns you on like no other. Eyes rolled back into your head, you start to grind on his thigh, shuddering blissfully at the hard ridges of muscles against your dripping core.

Pleased with your reaction, he flexes his thighs with a satisfied smirk and a shiver traverses your entire body, leaving you with a spasm of nerves. You wail his name out loud – knowing that the others outside probably can’t hear it and your whimpers increase in volume and pitch when his fingers linger around the elastic of your panties, before palming your ass cheeks to anchor you closer to him.

You moan at his touch, begging for more. The wetness in between your thighs has long ruined your underwear and Jungkook’s jeans.

“Fuck, your ass,” he grunts loudly from the back of his throat, finding purchase on your ass cheeks and kneading them with a vice-like and desperate grip.

“The guys were talking about how cute your ass is and I told them to shut the fuck up. Do you know how fucking hard I get when you bend over to pick up the volleyballs? I always have to spend hours jerking off after practice.”

You moan in response, light-headed from the mental image. Jacking off in the locker room is not anything new or a taboo among the guys. But Jungkook always spends a longer time than the others in the cubicle to curb the pulsating urges between his legs. The mere thought of you, innocently batting your long lashes at him and being so intimate with him, has always been enough to make him cum.

Wiped over by another intense surge of lust, you grow an ardent urge to touch him more. Maybe it’s the alcohol or maybe it’s the way he’s looking at you like you’re the only thing he wants to see in this world, it’s like a battle of waits between predator and prey, but you are lucidly aware of what you want.

Slipping your hand between your bodies, your fingers trail down from his toned abs to graze against the prominent outline of his clothed bulge and it grows to its full hardness almost immediately from your touch. You haven’t even seen his dick yet, but fuck, you really, really want a taste of Jungkook’s dick.

“I-I want your dick. So bad. Please, Jungkookie. Please?”

You’re so filthy that you don’t even recognise yourself. Moving your hand along his length, you stroke him through the two layers of material, but you can still feel the heat of his cock against your palm. Just as you’re about to unzip his jeans, he stops you to your disappointment.

“No, not today,” he manages to breathe out, nearly at his wit’s end. His voice is about to crack from his insatiable hunger for you, while you groan despondently in response.

Jungkook’s fingers trace along the length of your neck until they find their way into your hair and run through them as he leans down to the crook of your neck. You shiver when his breaths coast on the exposed skin of your throat before he nips gingerly on your skin, soft one moment and dirty the next, relishing how it makes you jump.

God, he can smell you at this proximity. Your favourite citrus and lavender scent. He stifles a laugh at how you can still smell so tantalisingly innocent when you’re so fucking needy for him. His dick grows even harder, turned on by the stark difference in your character and this makes it even harder for him to prevent blowing his load there and then.

He desperately wants to pin you down, strip you bare, explore your body in all of its magnificence, memorise every crevice of your body and then fuck your brains out till his name is the only thing you know. But he needs to hold himself back, not wanting it done sloppily at a party and especially not when you’re drunk, but he’s this close to joining the dark side.

White stars begin to dot the edges of his vision.

He digs his fingers into your waist to press you closer to him, thigh bouncing rhythmically so your clit brushes against a different area of his toned thigh each time. It brings a euphoric sensation to your core, the tingles spreading fast and sending you near delirious. A writhing wreck, you can only fall limp against his chest, muffling your stuttering whimpers. You wish he’d let you come apart with his fingers, but the way he’s grinding his thigh up against your clit is intoxicating enough, much more than the alcohol in your blood.

“That’s it,” he smirks, watching you grind your hips back and forth with a lustful gaze and you reach up to kiss his neck to exhibit your high.

“You like this?”

“Fucking,” you mewl wantonly, tugging at his tousled locks. The heat radiating from Jungkook’s body burns addictively and sharp intakes of air occur against your lips, leaving your throat to run dry. “Love it.”

He grins at your honesty, more spurred to make you feel good. Tonight, it’s all about you and your pleasure. Hovering over him, you let your mouth hang open and inhale each other in. His breath coasts on your cheeks when he pulls away for air, only to dive back into the pristine juncture of your throat, attacking the delicate skin, searching and starving. He doesn’t stop sucking and running his tongue across your skin till your neck is painted with lilac bruises, till he’s satisfied with his very own masterpiece.  

“J-Jungkook, please.”

With a predatory gaze, he watches how your breasts bounce with each rock of your hips and leans south to trail his tongue down your cleavage. You hook your arm around his neck, soft whimpers leaving your mouth when the pleasure overpowers you till you can’t even find your voice. Jungkook hums in satisfaction, burying his face into your chest.

Discovering the pleasant weight of your breasts and the firm peaks of your nipples against his calloused palms, he kneads them hungrily, fuelling the growing pressure that’s culminating in the pit of your stomach.

“Jesus fucking Christ, you’re so hot.”

A combination of a hoarse moan and gasp is strangled out of Jungkook’s throat from the depths of his lungs. His spine straightens as his body locks up over the sudden onslaught of pleasure. The slick noises of your folds against his thigh are almost deafening now, filthy to the core, but not as erotic as your moans. He honestly can’t believe this is happening, after his many fantasies of being this intimate with you.

“Jungkook,” you moan shamelessly when the coil inside you grows tighter and tighter, hotter and hotter. “I’m cl-close.”

“Come for me, baby.”

The smallest of smirks tugs at the corner of his mouth when he runs a finger down your clothed core, further tightening that coil in your belly. You feel so vulnerable under his command, but his dominance lights up your nerves like fireworks. You fucking love it.

Jungkook’s leg starts bouncing faster and the otherworldly sensation sends you over the edge. Your nails dig deeper into his biceps to stable yourself as your legs begin to shake, stomach knotting. You choke back a sob as you jerk your hips up, moaning an incoherent string of curse words and his name all mixed in one. The sight of your lovely face hovers over his, your swollen mouth hanging apart, eyes half-lidded in a torrent of bliss and neck messily painted in purple bruises.

Jungkook holds your hips down to help you with your high, whispering sweet praises into your ear as his hands stroke your sides. He lifts his leg ever so slightly, dragging the hard muscles against your core once again until you snap your eyes shut, your entire body briefly locked up and dispersed into a series of erratic spasms.

The idyllic blinding white fades to only a shimmer at the edges of your eyes. You slump forward, burying your face into his chest. Seconds after, he follows suit, coming untouched in his pants.

Head still buried in his chest, Jungkook wraps his arms around you to engulf you in a tight hug. He breathes heavily against his work of art on your neck and jerks up when reality hits him square in the face.

Your breath is still ragged in your lungs, forehead rested on his shoulder as he gently rubs comforting circles on your back. You’ve ridden off most of the intoxication, but you still can’t think straight. Not when Jungkook is nipping at the soft lobe of your ear, an attempt to coax you into relaxing.

“That was… wow.”

He breaks the silence with a sheepish smile as he pushes the messy strands of your hair away from your face, gingerly running his thumb over your rubescent cheeks. He leans his head down to meet your forehead, brushing the tip of his nose with yours.

“Yeah,” you breathe out softly and he can hear the gears turning frantically in your mind.

“You don’t… regret it, do you? Fuck, I’m so sorry… We’re both drunk and I shouldn—”

“No! Of course not,” you shake your head, “I-I liked it.”

“You liked it?” From the lilt that caresses the edges of his voice, he’s clearly enjoying this.

“Urgh, shut the hell up!”

Even in his post-snogging and thigh-riding state, he still looks incredible. He’s just so delicate and nice to you that it’s almost unreal – it’s like being in a dream. He looks at you like you hold the stars in the night sky with utter adoration, before pecking a soft kiss on your forehead.  

At this very moment, you realise that you’re irrevocably, hopelessly and unabashedly in love with him and there’s no turning back, not when the stars in his eyes are twinkling with nothing but love.

Jungkook and you aren’t exactly a thing. Not yet. Sure, you guys hang out exclusively and all like before, but neither of you has popped the question or sat down to delve into the daunting topic of Feelings.

The morning after, both of you wake up to tangled limbs, bad morning breaths, bashful smiles and memories of last night’s dalliance. He tells you to give him some time because honestly, he thinks he needs all the time he can have to ensure that he does this relationship thingy properly with you. The last thing he would want is to fuck things up with you. And you tell him that you’ll wait for him, because you know how hard things have been on him. Juggling between volleyball and school work is tough enough, so you don’t want to give him more pressure.

However, you realise that there have been several changes regarding the way he acts with and around you. Whether it’s because of that intimate night or stress from volleyball (or both), Jungkook has become so much touchier with you – he’s always wanting to hold your hand and keeping you by his side. Displaying of affection is also more common in front of his teammates, but it’s not like you have anything against it. He probably needs more attention and affection since the season is only days away.

After a series of friendlies, the season has finally begun and the boys have never been readier, all prepared to be crowned as champions. With your clipboard attached to your hand, you unwaveringly multitask between watching the semi-final match and taking down notes for the boys.

Their semi-final match is with Yonsei University. While you’re pale in the face standing at the sidelines, the boys are determined and embody a degree of calmness on the court, their nerves submerged by the jolts of adrenaline. They’ve got the upper hand with Yonsei and their win is guaranteed, but it’s impossible not to feel anxious.

The crowd cheers as Jungkook tosses the ball to Taehyung at a calculated height and precision and the latter spikes it down before their opponents even have time to blink. The incident from last month comes to mind. You’re glad that he has learnt to have more confidence and trust in himself and his teammates, though he dedicates this improvement to you and your calming presence.

"You're at set-point, so please focus. And don't do anything dumb," you tease, placing your hands on your hips and faking a scowl at him as he unblinkingly hovers over you. You remember how you used to be afraid by their builds, but you’ve grown slightly accustomed after awhile, though there’s one thing that you think you’ll never get used to: the way Jungkook looks at you with stars dancing in his eyes.

“I’m kidding, kiddo. You’ll do well like always, okay? I know you will. Now go there and kick some ass.”

He nods and downs the water bottle that you’ve handed to him before pouring the remaining over his head. His action doesn’t surprise you anymore as you already have a towel ready to wipe him dry.

But what takes you aback is when he grabs you by your shoulders and leans down to meet your eyes. You open your mouth, ready to lament about him touching you with his clammy hands, but retract upon seeing the change in Jungkook’s demeanour.

Despite the loud cheers from all four directions, Jungkook can hear his heart racing loudly in his ears. Just before the whistle pierces through the court to signal the end of time-out, he traces your jaw with his fingertips and whispers into your ear, his mellifluous voice softer than snow, “I have something that I need to tell you after the game.”

Tinges of affection waltzes with the stars in his pupils. He looks at you like you hold his entire world on the tips of your fingers, like he just needs you for everything to be okay.

Lacing your fingers together, warmth seeps from his palm into yours like a soft, comforting hum and you know exactly what he wants to tell you.

“Okay, I’ll be waiting here.”

With a sliver of hope, he jogs back to the court. It’s now his turn to serve. With that same palm that just held yours, he gallantly performs the best serve of his life, one that spirals off his palm to shoot through the hole between the other team’s back line, clinching a safe spot for SNU in the finals.

After five long sets, SNU wins Yonsei by a landslide and the team gets an evening off before they resume practice the next day. Jungkook seizes this chance to take you out for dinner, somewhere that isn’t at the convenience store.

The sky is already soaked in sparse hues of navy and black, and the silence of the night becomes even more endearing due to Jungkook’s mere presence by your side. He’s nervous, you can tell, even more than this morning, from the way he’s bouncing nervously on the balls of his shoes, as though he’s about to combust.

His vision zones in on how your bottom lip is caught between your teeth – a habit of yours whenever you’re unsure, so he takes you into his arms and intertwines your fingers together. You relax involuntarily when he starts rubbing circles onto your palm.

Jungkook cranes his neck up, lips grazing the shell of your ear and you shudder at his warm breath fanning against your skin, inviting the rise of gooseflesh to scatter all over your neck.

He wraps one hand around your waist and looks deeply into your orbs, as though he’s spellbound by the iridescent glint in your eyes and the roses flaring up across your cheeks under the sliver of moonlight.

And in the velvet of the summer night, he gingerly whispers, with utter adoration swelling his chest to the size of the moon. The words that you have repeatedly dreamed of him to say. The words that you’ve been wanting to tell him. The words that have been trapped hidden behind his heart for the longest time.

“I love you.”

You feel the warmth of Jungkook’s palms cradling your blushing features, while he strokes your cheeks with his thumb.

“Kook,” you breathe out softly.

“I love you, Y/N.”

He repeats in a tone three notches deeper, paired with an earnestness that gets your heart ricocheting in your ribcage.

“I knew there was something about you when you joined us on the first day… And I confirmed it after sacrificing my own nose.”

“Sacrifice? You mean it was on purpose?” A sparkle of mirth glimmers in your eyes under the hazy yellow light.

“I normally don’t get distracted, but I couldn’t help but get upset when you came back into the court laughing with Seokjin-hyung. I was still staring at you when I got hit on the face.”

“You’re so silly, but at least your boopy nose is still cute. I love your nose.”

“And my thighs, right?”

You blush fervently at the memory of that night.

“Fuck Y/N, I just confessed to you and all you do is tell me that you love my nose,” he laughs, his thumb still rubbing circles onto your cheek.

Your lips curl up into a smile. “Kiss me?”

“I will give you the entire world if you asked me to.”

His whisper is so earnest and affectionate that it makes you feel like melting.  

In a graceful sweep, he pulls you closer by the hips, finding purchase on your waist. The first touch is similar to the caress of a feather, so light that you could barely feel it. The tip of his tongue skims over the rosy flesh of your bottom lip, eliciting goosebumps that tingle along the nape of your neck. You close your eyes, feeling like you’re plummeting into a bottomless pit.

Jungkook’s lips are soft, a little chapped, as they meld to yours. He kisses you like he hasn’t kissed you before, like it’s your first time being completely vulnerable to each other, like planets condemned by gravity to collide.

Images of him moaning shamelessly beneath you as you grind on his thigh and him kneading your ass get completely fizzed out of your memory. You can only think of him kissing you, how tenderly he’s holding onto you, how sweet his lips taste onto yours and how sincere he is on stealing your breath.

You can only think of how the objection of your affection is coruscating before you as he sprinkles his personal collection of stardust onto your lips, with a love so blazingly radiant that it rivals the intensity of the sun.

You feel golden.

Like you’re lying on a bed of sunflowers, drifting alongside the movement of summer’s light towards glistening honey.

A whimper lodges itself in your throat, bubbling against Jungkook’s lips and even in the darkness behind your eyelids, you can vividly picture the crescent of his smile forming against your lips.

The tip of his tongue prods at the seam of your lips and you part your lips to let him in entirely. You reach out and caress the nape of his neck to deepen the kiss, jumping slightly in surprise when his fingers splay gingerly over your waist, tugging at the hem at your shirt languidly. Your mind has long become a labyrinth of little streets that you have difficulty navigating, sent into a turmoil by how sweet his love tastes. It’s insane how much you yearn for his burning touch.

You inch away slowly and your eyes land on his, now glistening with solar debris that sends instant palpitations to your heart. He stares at you longingly, like he can’t believe that you’re really here in front of him, cocooned up against his body and adoration swells in his chest. He feels like combusting, but he also feels like hugging you and having you all to himself till the end of time.

“You know how I feel for you, right?” You mumble, looking deep into his orbs.

Jungkook notices how your bottom lip is taut between your teeth and the hint of a blush is still glowing effervescently on your cheeks. You’re beautiful. A visual spectacle, a sight to behold. You’re so beautiful that his chest constricts, lungs taking a sparse second to remember how to fucking breathe normally again.

“Remind me?” He whispers back.

You let out a giggle at how ardently Jungkook is gazing at you and how lovely he looks right now, exhilaration gleaming like a kaleidoscope of stars in his eyes.

This time, you lean in, planting your lips on the rosy flesh on his mouth and he softens. Kissing him is akin to drinking hot chocolate on a rainy winter day, snuggling under your warm quilt after a long day and dancing in the rain. It feels like weaving through time and space.

Pulling away, he lets out another one of his boyish laughs, tugging at your heartstrings for the umpteenth time that night before dusting kisses over every inch of your blushing features, exhaling words of love against your skin. You see galaxies sprawled all over in the darkness of your closed eyelids.

“I love you Jeon Jungkook,” you breathe out, gracing the shell of his ear. “I love you so much and I swear by the stars in your eyes.”

“Are you… wearing Jungkook’s jersey from last season or are my eyes playing tricks on me?” Hoseok quips, eyebrows raised.

“Oh.”

You look down at your attire – Jungkook’s old jersey and a pair of denim jeans. “Yeah, he made me wear it and now I feel like some frat boy’s hoe.”

“I wouldn’t if I were you. Hell knows what the kid did while wearing that jersey, probably jerked off in it like a million times. Oh and he also sweats a lot – I know it’s been washed and all, but it’s literally a sweat-drenched shirt. Unless you’re into that kink…? Like Jungkook��s sweat? Hit me up, baby.”

You throw the nearest object at him – your clipboard, clocking him square in the chest, though the boy remains unperturbed.

“Listen, I’m really happy that you’re here with us. You’ve been with us for only three months, but you’ve been of such great help to the team and we all really appreciate you being here. So yeah, thank you?”

“It’s so weird that you’re being nice to me,” you chortle. “But no worries, dude. I somehow like suffering, so I like being the team’s manager.”

“Well, you have Jungkook now – take it as a thank you gift from the team, won’t you? He’s a good human sacrifice for the satanic you,” Hoseok waggles his eyebrows greasily.

“Fuck off,” you sneer back, rolling your eyes.

“Jungkook is a great guy, really, even though he’s an overgrown, emo baby bunny,” he quotes himself and you recall what happened the first time you met Jungkook. “But I’m just really happy for the both of you.”

Time really doesn’t wait for no one.

Amidst a whirlwind of tiring training sessions, worn-out limbs and bottles of protein shakes, three months have come and gone in a blink of an eye. Your first season with the volleyball team is approaching an end.

It’s finally D-day and everyone has been waiting for this since forever – their final match with Hanyang University.

The game passes in flashes of white, alongside the voices of excitement and desperation, hand signs and bruises that stacked up quicker than their attacks. They're ferociously neck and neck with Hanyang – both teams are refusing to relent, tightening up their plays and leaving fewer and fewer loopholes in their game as they vie for match point of their fifth and final set.

Your lips are probably chapped from biting on them, bearing the brunt of anxiety, as you continue to chant please, please let them win to yourself.

A risky ball returns to your side of the court and your heart stops at the difficulty of receiving it, but Jimin slides across the court in time and manages to save it, hollering loudly, “Chance ball!”

He digs it towards where Jungkook is poised, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration, and everyone drops into their ready positions, all eyes on the ball and set to put an end to the intense rally.

It’s only a matter of milliseconds before the ball falls into the cupped hands of the golden setter who then pushes it back up in the air, quick and effortless, to an altitude that complements the height of Hoseok’s jump. Without even the slightest of delays, the captain is up on his feet and stretches his hand to slam the ball down ruthlessly.

His smack sends it rocketing towards the other side of the court and his opponents scramble to receive it. It brushes against their libero’s forearm, but it’s almost impossible to save it from the speed and force it’s flying at, and meets the floor with a satisfying thwack of finality. Everyone freezes all at once with hitched breathes, eyes glued to how the ball dribbles obstinately in a slow motion, before rolling away from the perimeter of the court.

The last whistle breaks the static silence to announce the finality. Everyone turns to the score chart – 28 to 26.  

There and then, the gym erupts into a positive torrent of roars and it takes a few prolonged seconds before reality hits Jungkook right in the face.

SNU won the championships.

They won the season!

Consciousness comes streaming back to the players after awhile. Yoongi is the first to scream, unexpectedly, with a loud fuck yeah and this snaps everyone out of their trance. Jimin’s reaction comes next, falling to his knees to do his signature slide, both fists pumped in the air as he snarls, “We fucking won!”

The players then tackle one another into a tight group hug, all smiling triumphantly and throwing their fists up in excitement. The sound of cheering from the crowd sends a tingle up their spines and it feels so fucking good.

Coach Kim is already on his feet, running towards them with the proudest smile you’ve ever seen on him and you’re about to follow suit, until you see Jungkook break away from the huddle and barrel towards you at a speed too fast for your comprehension.

Smiling at how his face is lit up like the stars in his eyes, you throw your arms wide open and he dives into your embrace, hot tears brimming at the edges of both your eyes. He engulfs you into the tightest hug he’s ever given anyone and you wrap your arms around his waist, heart swelling with pride.

He feels like the dew on a perfectly bloomed rose in your comforting arms as he nuzzles further into the crook of your neck, relishing the warmth of your lithe body against his.  

“Kook! You did it, oh my god!” You scream in joy, but your repeated words of congratulations get muffled by his broad chest.

He leans back to take a look, a really good look of your beaming face that screams nothing but pride and love, before scooping you up in a graceful sweep and twirling you around, simply because words cannot describe how happy he feels.

A soft, feather-light peck is then pressed on your ear and a blush makes camp on your cheeks. His warmth leaves your skin after a fleeting second, the cool air of the sports hall rushing back to stroke the flaming blush on your cheeks.

Still riding the high from their win, he then leans in to kiss the beam from your lips and the open display of affection makes your heart burst in your chest. Behind you two, the entire volleyball is wolf-whistling and applauding raucously. Jungkook scrunches his nose in embarrassment at how all his teammates and Coach are gawking at the two of you, but really, he cannot find any damns to give.  

Red-faced and bright-eyed, the champions of the season make their way out of the court with a steady, triumphant gait, their bodies pumped with a brew of adrenaline and slight exhaustion. Lagging at the back of the team is Jungkook and you in your own little bubble. His fingers are interlaced firmly with yours and he registers that his heart will forever and always be set on you.

In his eyes, you see stars. You see yourself. You see the two of you.

You see love.

For the nth time that day, Jungkook leans in to meet your lips and he knows very well that this is the sweetest victory he will ever taste in his life.  

Note | If you’re reading this, hi there love! ♡ Thank you so much for reading my first piece on this site. If you liked it, hit that like or reblog button or/and hmu with feedback or talk to me here – it’ll really make my day ♡ This was beta-ed by Ali @gukseuphoria and J @glitterjjk – thank you for being my first beta readers! There’ll be more stories coming your way, check out my WIPs for more! 💫💛✨

(A special shoutout to Ayv @piedpipers for being my first friend here and for always believing in me and hyping me up 👭🌞🌸💖)

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[snacc-noir]

Kim Week, Day 2: Hero/Villain

Day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

(This is a continuation to my random-as story ‘Oblivious’ on Ao3, where basically Alix has a tantrum to Max and Kim about Marinette and Adrien not dating, so Kim suggests they try to set them up being quote: ‘shipping superheroes’. I had no idea what else to do for this prompt so here)

Three pints of ginger beer from the Kubdel’s pantry, a shambolically filled-up notebook of ideas and two exhausted teens lying on a pile of skater gear later and Alix and Kim were finished their game plan.

Unlike Alya and Marinette’s complicated ‘Operation: Secret Garden’-type schemes to make ‘Adrinette’ happen, the pair opted for creating a plan most defiantly quick and easy—that they were sure was going to work by the end of the day—as both had had enough viewing of slow-burn to last them a lifetime.

“Our class is going to love us,” Kim during his sleepy drowse murmured to the wearied pile before him. After discussing few ideas at Max’s the previous day, their scheming expanded into a sleepover (with zero sleeping) at Alix’s. “I told you this ‘shipping-superheroes’ idea was a good one.”

Her half-lidded eyes blinked up at him behind pink tuffs. “I still think the ‘superhero’ thing is a weird a title.”

The hoarseness whirring in her voice was so clear Kim would’ve mocked her about it if not his own voice were identical. “It’s the biggest ‘heroic’ thing we’ll ever do for our class, so let me have this.”

Alix closed her eyes and hummed in response.

…

The pair were so beat the following Monday morning that the commotion of the latest akuma attack was a mere buzz in their ears.

Kim only caught something about, ‘Gabriel akumatized again’, ‘Carapace, Queen Bee and Rena Rouge joining’, ‘LB and Chat leaving halfway to come back blushing messes’, and that the battle was ‘really long’.

At least whatever happened during the disastrous battle wasn’t going to affect their success in setting up Marinette and Adrien.

“You’re on phase one, remember?”

Alix couldn’t care less about yesterday’s kerfuffle if it distracted her from her task at hand. She’d waited enough months taking part in pointless operations that she wasn’t going to allow one bigger-than-normal akuma delay her plan, especially when her eyes fell like falling out from exhaust and arteries to burst from ginger beer over-consumption.

“Um, yeah.” Kim peered around the classroom to see Adrien slumped in his desk and without his usual bright smile. Only Alya was seated behind him. “I don’t think Marinette’s arrived yet, though.”

Alix planted her fists in the curves of her waist and glared at the class president’s vacant desk. “I’m astonished.”

“Do you think I should wait a bit, too? Adrien looks sorta out of it.”

She shot him a look that said her answer enough for him. “I’m not waiting any longer for the oblivious punks to make-out. Phase one happens as soon as Marinette walks through that door.”

Kim turned to scrutinise the entryway. Ivan and Mylène were sauntering in wearing smiles as they exchanged pleasantries with animated hand gestures.

“And if she doesn’t come until during homeroom?”

“Then do it as we’re walking to our next class.”

He nodded and moved off the stairs to take his place, as she did the same. Max was already performing calculations at his desk and didn’t address the pair in his usual form. Instead, he sighed as the two instantaneously began confirming details about their scheme again the moment they sat down.

“Are you two still doing the Marinette and Adrien plan? Or was the probability of success too low for you to proceed?”

Alix leant her weight on the wall behind to stare hopelessly at the door Marinette had yet to stumble through during her mad flap. “We’re still doing it. And we’re sure it’s gonna work.”

Kim drew out his tablet and slid it on his desk. “We figured out the phases and stuff last night. We’re going straight for the homerun instead of gradually easing them to get together, since there’s been enough time for that. By the end of today, our mission as shipping superheroes will be complete!”

Alix pulled a face. “Superhero thing’s still weird.”

“Certain, huh?” Max pushed his glasses up with a forefinger, smirking sideways at Kim. “You’re sure your need of force will have the appropriate impact you want it to have on their relationship?”

“Well, yeah—”

Kim cut himself off when hearing a, “Gah!” holler from nearby. He searched for the noise and was delighted to see the notorious sight of Marinette tripping headfirst through the doorway, only to catch herself in an odd position at the last minute.

He didn’t need Alix to tell him what to do next.

Whilst Kim ambled down the classroom’s staircase—attempting to do so as nonchalant as ever—he failed to see the way Marinette took one glance in Adrien’s direction and turned into a blue-headed fire hydrant, nor did he see how the model quickly resembled the same after his sight caught her.

When he headed to initiate phase one, he didn’t expect to see two furiously blushing teens in front of him.

Though the surprise wasn’t great enough to cloud Alix’s whispers of, “Go.”

“Whoops!” Kim blurted as he frantically stumbled away from Marinette—the same Marinette who he had just shoved bumped on his way down the stairs, leaving her ‘unfortunately’ in the lap of a wide-eyed and pink as a pig Adrien Agreste.

“I’m so sorry, Marinette.” He pressed a hand on his heart and looked at her earnestly for good measure. Alix’s wide grin behind him was almost palpable to sense. “I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

Her awkward smile stretched beyond her crimson cheeks and her pupils were still frazzled. “Uh—um, it’s—it’s okay, Kim. I’m sure you didn’t mean it.”

Then, as if she’d just realised her position, Marinette gasped and flipping leapt off of paralysed Adrien and faced him with one of the most mortified expressions he’d ever seen.

“Oh! I’m terribly sorry Cha—Adrien! Adrien. The model. Yeah. That’s you!” She took a deep breath but it didn’t calm her. “I’m, uh—” It was only right to say she squeaked halfway through her sentence and bolted past him to her seat, while all Adrien could do was turn himself to stare stupidly at the front of the classroom.

Kim and Alix shared a victorious thumbs up across the room.

…

Phase two, in their opinion, went even better.

After a mad race of downing their food before even reaching their lunch table and finding their assigned idiot to corner, the pair had gained information only the class’s girls could dream of having.

When Kim discovered Adrien tossing a popper in the trash during a mission to ask him about Marinette and his love life, he did not expect a bottle of emotions to be flooded out to him during an extemporaneous therapy session.

“I love her—I really do love her,” Adrien had blabbered on, raking a hand through his blond tresses as they sat in the corner of the cafeteria, “but I know she doesn’t love me.”

Kim could’ve sworn he heard Adrien mutter, “anymore…” under his breath a second later.

Alix’s situation went likewise, and she reported that Marinette almost said the exact same thing during their private talk under the stairs, confirming their un-doubtful suspicions that good-old mutual pinning was involved in their set-up plan.

During excited bubbles of laughter after the story exchange, they declared ‘phase three’ to commence.

…

Phase three was the last and furthermost challenging aspect of their scheme. The risks of getting detention or even loss of friends, they decided, were totally worth it for the high chance of progression in Marinette and Adrien’s intimacy levels.

The girls in the class had spent hours constructing plans to set the two up on dates that always ended up in failure. Kim and Alix studied the approaches and realised its failure was because of A: spontaneous akumas. B: the time it would’ve taken Adrien to figure out it wasn’t a ‘friend date’. And C: how both teens had the sovereignty to flee the set-up scene whenever they wanted.

Hence why forcing Adrien and Marinette to be together without a chance to escape was to be the most successful idea.

In other words, locking them in empty room was the mission’s clincher.

…

“I cannot believe you just did that.”

Kim wiped his hands on his sweatpants to remove the imaginary lint, only glimpsing up to give Alix a smirk. “You better believe it. It was your idea anyway.”

“My one-hundred-percent joking idea.” She shot a nervous look to the boiler room’s door, barricaded with excessive amounts of stolen desks and chairs.

She could only hope her and Kim’s crouched place in the corner of the vacant hall was enough of a hiding spot for Adrien and Marinette not to hear their conversing. “How long are we giving them? The guilt’s eating me already.”

Kim rolled his eyes and shuffled up next to her. “There’s plenty of space in the boiler for them to sit twenty meters apart. It’s not like we went for the closet idea.”

Alix wondered if the closet idea would’ve even been easier. Luring Marinette to the boiler (‘Oh, I accidently left my spray cans there. Can you please get them while I help Kim with this thing?’) to leave her wandering on a wild goose-chase for invisible paint cans was difficult enough, but getting Adrien to stay there—Alix was surprised he even bought Kim’s, ‘You wanna meet up in the boiler to talk more about your Marinette situation and stuff? Just a warning; the door sticks. But I’ll come anyway if that happens.’

When they heard gasps of names inside the boiler after Adrien had stumbled in, Kim moved the desks to obstruct the door.

Alix hugged her knees. “That’s ‘cause our school doesn’t have a closet.”

“Whatever.” He tipped his head back to lean against the dim-lit wall. “Either they’re emotionally confessing to each other, trying to find a way to break the door, or making-out.” He slipped her a sidelong grin. “See? Nothing to feel guilty over.”

Her features pressed into a frown as she salvaged her phone from her shorts pocket. “You’re lucky Max prohibited me to punch you.” The illumination of her screen was a contrast to the dusky hall-light they’d been enduring for three minutes. She noticed she’d received two messages. “Nate’s in the art room for our free period. Everyone’s wondering where the art desks are.”

They simultaneously looked at the blockage items securing the boiler door’s lock.

“Um…” Kim trailed. “Say you and I are going for a hunt for them.”

“On it.”

…

Ten or so minutes past before Kim and Alix returned the desk and chairs to their original places, claiming they found them in the woodwork room (everyone bought it). The former revisited the boiler alone and burst out apologies to Adrien (‘Alix was helping me with this thing so I couldn’t come in time—by the way Marinette, she found her cans.’) to which Adrien responded positively; beaming at Kim with a ‘no worries’ and tightening his grip on Marinette’s hand as she discreetly wiped away—were those tears?

At Kim’s offer to continue talking about the Marinette problem, he was more than elated to hear the response: “We’ve worked it all out”.

Alix was more than elated too.

…

“So they’re totally together? Like together, together?” Alix practically squealed in question, trying to no avail to stifle her excitement as she bounced up and down on the school’s entry steps.

Kim stood with arms akimbo, smiling down at her. “Yup,” he said, popping the ‘p’. “Operation: Shipping superheroes was a success.”

She halted her bouncing to shoot him a look. “You know, for someone who as an akumatized villain had the aim of destroying love, I find it quite ironic you claim to be a ‘set-up superhero’ for Marinette and Adrien.”

He frowned. “I couldn’t help it; Hawkmoth’s fault. Besides, I was a villain tearing apart Ladybug and Chat Noir. Now, I’m a hero setting up Marinette and Adrien—different position, completely different people.”

She rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”

He grinned and leant downward (goodness how she hated that) to be closer to her eyelevel. “Can you believe we actually did it, Kubdel? Like, us. We were the ones who set up Marinette and Adrien. It was all our influence and doing.”

Alix chuckled and pushed his face away. “Gaining ten pounds from sugar in ginger beer and waking up with your quiff in my mouth was worth it.” She released a sigh of contentment. “The two idiots are actually dati—”

She paused. Her eyes sparkled.

Kim gave her a questioning look. “What?”

“Does this mean we can do phase 4?”

His face dropped.

“No.”

“Yes!”

“If you dare—”

“Dare? Kim’s daring me to do something? Okay.”

He stepped forward. “Alix Kubdel you know that is not what I meant—”

“La la la, I can’t hear you!” she sing-songed in an unnaturally high pitch, bouncing around him with hands pressed on her ears and smiling giddily. “My senses don’t register rubbish!”

He huffed and glared at her twirling figure. “You were totally joking with phase four. We are not doing it.”

“Oh? Is that so?” she asked dubiously. “I thought I was totally joking with phase three, but we did that anyway. Guess we’re doing this too.”

Kim inhaled with frustration and tipped his head back, casting a defeated look to the sky. The girl was a nightmare.

“They’re gonna hate us forever.”

She retracted her hands from the sides of her head. “I’ll just mention what our plan did for them then. You could even speak at their wedding.”

Kim began to mutter something along the longs of, “Oh, so you heard that?”, but Alix’s jovial yelp cut his grumbling to a close.

“There they are!”

He glanced in the direction of her outstretched finger, smirking instantly at the love-sickening sight he’d usually cringe at.

Adrien was ambling out of the school’s bulky entry doors, a smiling Marinette attached on the side by the wrap of his arm, both seeming to be submerged in a world of pure bliss.

The perfect couple, it looked like.

So of course Alix just had to initiate phase four.

“Oi Agreste!” She cuffed her hands around her lips, and Kim was pretty sure his heart tripped out of existence at her bellow. “Hurry up and shove that tongue of yours in her mouth!”

To her astonishment and Kim’s—well to be fair his was more gaping horror—Adrien smirked at the incongruous demand as Marinette let out an incredulous squawk. Then, not only that, but it was another stilling moment of silence before the girl was swooped in a bow with famous Agreste lips planted on hers.

...

Kim and Alix walked out of school feeling like heroes.

[nothingman]

A review of Future Sex (2016) by Emily Witt.

Emily Witt’s (2016) book Future Sex chronicles her search for sexual self-realization as a New Yorker in her early 30s migrating to tech-centered San Francisco. The book is based both in interviews and personal experiences, stringing vignettes together into chapters with topics including polyamory, Orgasmic Meditation, Internet porn, and Burning Man. In this review, I highlight her chapter on sex camming.

But first, I will start with a broad overview. A major theme in the book is the kind of existential angst that comes from having too many choices. Witt feels daunted by her sexual freedom as a millennial—the limitless range of sexual partners and practices—first made possible by the sexual revolution, and then by the Internet. She (p. 12) explains:

What if love failed us? Sexual freedom had now extended to people who never wanted to shake off the old institutions, except to the extent of showing solidarity with friends who did. I had not sought so much choice for myself, and when I found myself with total sexual freedom, I was unhappy.

Witt spent her early adult life wanting to find enduring love—and possibly even marriage—viewing this as an escape from the cycle of causal sexual arrangements, occasionally punctuated by periods of monogamy, that has up until now defined her romantic life. But Witt’s desires conflict with the world she inhabits, as Millennial sexual norms privilege freedom over security in relationships. She (pp.11-2) describes why security remains desirable, even as the Internet opens ever more possibilities:

The expansion of sexuality outside of marriage had brought new reasons to trust the traditional controls, reasons such as HIV, the time limits of fertility, the delicacy of feelings. Even as I settled for freedom as an interim state, I planned for my monogamous destiny. My sense of rightness, after the failed experiments of earlier generations, was like the reconstructions of a baroque national monument that was destroyed by a bomb [but] another kind of freedom had arrived: a blinking cursor in empty space.

In questioning these new romantic configurations where freedom prevails, Witt echos what social theorists Anthony Giddens and the late Zygmunt Bauman respectively describe as “pure relationships” and “liquid love.” Both authors suggest that the ideal of unconditional commitment has been supplanted by constant negotiation and the criterion of mutual benefit. And, even in coupling, individuality remains central.

Lacking a secure, committed relationship in the old mold, Witt sets out to explore the possibility of fulfillment (or, at least, self-knowledge) in less conventional situations. As turns out, it is in the chapter on “Live Webcams” that Witt does the most theoretical work to explain why seeking diverse experiences—the project of the book—might aid in her quest for sexual self-realization. In particular, she points to an essay in the book Time Square Red, Times Square Blue by the gay African-American author Samuel D. Delany about the time he spent having anonymous sex in porno theaters. Witt (p. 126) summarizes the essay:

[Delany] describe[d] the benefits of his vast experience in casual sex. The movie theaters had served as laboratories in which he had learned to discern the nuances and spectrum of his sexual desire… His observations about sexual attraction consistently disproved conventional notions of beauty and ugliness. (He discovered, among other proclivities, that he had a thing for Burly Irish-American men, including two who had hairlips.)

She quotes Delany who suggests we must “learn to find our own way of having sex sexy” and concludes:

I don’t see how this can be accomplished without a statistically significant variety of partners… However supportive, the response of a single partner just cannot do that. This is a quintessentially social process…

Unlike Delany, Witt (p. 204) mostly lands back where she started, finding monogamy rewarding but now embracing an ideal of commitment as temporary:

I hope that married partnership would cease to be seen as a totalizing end point and instead become something more modest, perhaps am institutional basis for shared endeavors such as raising children or making art.

But this return to a somewhat conventional notion of romance proves to be the most interesting aspect of the book. Witt’s thinking about the freedom and diversity of experience available to the present generation seems to evolve. Rather than seeing the nearly infinite range of sexual possibilities as daunting, Witt ends up seeing it as an opportunity to experiment until one finds confidence and feels affirmed in their own desires. She (p. 204) says:

I found that… mostly I wanted to live in a world with a wider range of sexual identities. I hoped the primacy and legitimacy of a single sexual model would continue to erode as it has, with increasing acceleration, in the past fifty years.

Though she does not state it so explicitly, I would argue that Witt has uncovered an interesting dialectic between freedom and security. Though freedom to explore may aid us in discovering what we find sexually desirable, exploration may, paradoxically, lead to security in one’s established sexual desires, when new experience continually prove less satisfying and thus reaffirm the appropriateness of those desires.

And, while final chapter wonders off a bit, I think the desirability of embracing this tension between freedom and security is the clear (if unstated) conclusion of the book.

***

Following this theme of sexual exploration as a mechanism of self-realization, I now want to turn to the question of what camming teaches Witt about her own sexuality (and what we can learn about camming in the process). Witt (p. 114) describes her experiences with the popular camsite Chaturbate:

I first saw Chaturbate and the many other live-sex-cam sites available online as porn… as the technological evolution of peep show booths and phone sex lines. Like those, they had a performer and they had a voyeur… Then I spent more time on the site.

As she dives deeper into the site, Witt determines that the resemblances she observed between cam sites and other forms of sex work/performance were only superficial. The diversity and interactivity of cam sites set them apart.

Chaturbate was full of serendipity… the feeling of clicking through the 18+ disclaimer into the opening matrix was the one of turning on MTV in the mid-1990s, when music videos played most of the day and kept viewers captive in the anticipation of a favorite performer or a new discovery. Or maybe, to reach farther back in time, it recalled the earlier days of the Internet—the Internet of strangers rather than “friends.”

Witt’s decision to approach her subject matter through the lens of her own desire—as described in the first section of this review—proves both interesting and problematic in this chapter.

What makes Witt’s approach interesting is that, in bypassing the popular rooms that she largely finds uninteresting, she takes us to the margins of the sites, searching for the unexpected. This includes an Icelandic woman who strips wearing a rubber horse mask and fedora. In a passage representative of her snarky but appreciative style, Witt describes (pp. 112-3):

maybe it was the house that she was in or her high definition camera or a general characteristic of the Icelandic people but even faceless she gleamed with the well-being that emanates wherever per-capita consumption of fish oils is high and citizens benefit from socialized health care.

Witt also describes a college-age women who talked about literature and made $1,500 doing a 24 hour marathon that featured much talking, some nudity, and no sex. A third woman suspended herself from a hook made of ice. And another woman held nude sex ed discussions.

Taking a cue from one of her interviewees, Witt describes the intended use of site—one or two performers broadcasting to many viewers in each room—as “mass intimacy.” But, the most interesting part of the chapter was Witt’s exploration into a culture that has emerged around using Chaturbate to facilitate unpaid, anonymous, 1-on-1 sex.

Assisted by two performers that she interviewed, she “multiperved” or “audio-Skyped with one another while sifting through videos online” (p. 124). Together, logged on to browse the countless pages of men streaming but being watched by no one. She describes (pp. 124-5):

not even the most popular men, instead clicking through to the second and third pages for the real amateurs, the forest of men in desk chairs… It turned out that they waited there for a reason… so that they will find someone who will cam-to-cam with them…

Witt (and her guides) come across a man she finds somewhat attractive, and she chats with him. The man quickly invites her to turn her cam on. She obliges and sets up a password-protected room so only he can see her. While Witt does not seem to find the encounter particularly rewarding, she (p. 125) does offer some insight into the value others find in the experience:

here, where hopes resided in the chance of an electronic encounter between two people, tokens mattered much less. If, on its landing page, Chaturbate was thousands of men watching a few women, a couple pages in, the numbers changed to one or two people using Chaturbate to interact privately with another person.

Witt’s experience highlights a really interesting case of technology being used against the grain. It is a rougish activity for users to seek non-transactional intimate or sexual encounters on sites whose profits come from viewers purchasing tokens. While these sites afford such activity and do not prohibit it, they do not intend or explicitly condone it either. It is, perhaps, due to this lack control that sites likes Chaturbate remind Witt of the earlier Web.

While Witt’s examination of the margins of camming sites is revealing, she also, arguably, fails to represent most of what is going on these sites and is even somewhat dismissive of the more popular performers. Because she focuses on her desires as a thirty-something NYC writer, Witt sometimes displays a hipster bias, where, if something isn’t weird or edgy, it’s not seen as deserving attention.

Witt is also not a joiner. Her desire to experiment as part her own quest for sexual self-realization, drives her visit many places; but, for the most part, Witt does identify or feel a sense of belonging with the people she meets. She seems to participate only at a distance, viewing others as subjects as much as relationships. Witt (p. 172) describes her own relationship to a sex party she attends, saying “I was still thinking of myself as just a visitor, or rather neither here nor there, someone undertaking an abstract inquiry but not yet with true intention.” This distancing is valuable insofar as it brings with it a degree of objectivity (most other things written about Orgasmic Mediation, for example, sound like marketing copy); however, it also means she’s unable to offer an insider perspective through her personal narratives.

What’s missing in the chapter on camming—due to some combination of her hipster bias and lack of personal experience—is an examination of the many dimensions of creative labor that goes into producing evening the most normative-appearing shows. Had Witt tried modeling herself, this would be readily apparent. The seeming ease with which models embody normative desires is part of the work—part of the performance of authenticity.

A most troubling moment is when she uncritically relays one of her interviewee’s characterization of the top performers as “zombie hot girls” (p. 124). This privileging of the weird in porn feeds a kind of whorearchy, where certain forms of sex work/practice are denigrated as a way of validating others.

Witt certainly is not consciously anti-sex work. In the previous chapter, in fact, she offers a great deal of praise for the artistry women porn directors and producers, and she spends a significant time questioning her own beliefs shaped by mainstream feminism and considering more inclusive feminisms that embrace sex workers and porn as a medium. And, quite insightfully, she argues that much fetish porn is a reaction or response to new taboos set up by anti-porn feminists.

Nevertheless, Witt does not seem to extend the interest and regard she has for women-directed studio porn to the women-directed performances of popular cam models. I’m certain they have unique insights and fascinating stories to tell.

***

Regardless of these few criticisms, Witt gets one key thing right: The future of sex cannot be reduced to a story of technological development but must be understood in terms of changing patterns of human relationships. She (p. 210) concludes “America had a lot of respect for the future of objects, and less interest in the future of human arrangements.” For that reason alone, Future Sex probably deserves more attention.

PJ Patella-Rey (@pjrey) is sociologist writing a dissertation sex camming.

via The Society Pages

[datingadviceonreddit]

Incoming wall of text from a long-time lurker...Before last fall, I had never been kissed. Never been on a date. Never really even flirted.I’m 26 now, but I’ve been in this relationship for 3 months, so I feel like I have enough space to say that it’s working out (for now).CONTEXT5’11” white guy in NYC, decently fit and average looking, but brought down by poor skin and no fashion sense. I’m probably a solid 4-6/10. I’ve never gotten a compliment on my looks from anyone (under the age of 50), nor have I ever been approached or asked out by a stranger. A few girls had crushes on me in college but I wasn’t attracted to them, and I didn’t have the courage to ask my crushes out. Sound familiar?I finally decided to start using “dating apps” (i.e. introduction apps, because the dating is still offline) in the fall. Here are some key strategies that I learned:USE THE RIGHT APP FOR YOUThese apps differ a ton by style and the genres of people they attract. Don’t just dismiss the entire system because you don’t like one particular app. Annoyed by the hookup culture of Tinder? Try a more personality-focused app like CMB. Feel held back by your photos? Try an app that highlights writing like Hinge.Personally, I was lucky if I got 1 match a week on “swiping” apps, but I could do 2-4 a day on Hinge (after a couple weeks of liking people and tweaking my profile until it started offering better suggestions).MAKE YOUR PROFILE STAND OUTWhen looking for a partner, I’d rather have 1 person fall head over heels for me and 99 be revolted than have everyone find me mildly acceptable. Display who you are proudly, flex your strengths, be unique (more on this below).SELF-DEPRECATIONSelf-deprecation is okay when it’s focused on something the other person can relate to. In NYC, for instance, you can talk about the horrors of your life on the subway, or the existential dread of city life. BUT — if it’s a self-centered pity party, it won’t make you seem more “real,” just insecure. You can be authentic about your flaws by being proud of them and who you are regardless!“PERSONALITY”People say that your entertainment consumption “is not a personality.” Well, neither are your hobbies, your favorite quote, a silly joke, your daily routine, or anything else you list in your bio. It’s all about how you write about it, not what you write.So what’s the best way to be unique? (Aside from not stealing lines from Reddit) Two tips:1. BE SPECIFICThis is the easiest way to make yourself more unique, more engaging (and funnier), and fuel deeper topics of conversation. I’ll just go through a few examples of classic “generic Tinder bio” tropes and how they could be upgraded:I love “The Office” (or any popular show): pick a favorite episode, favorite character, or favorite moment, and maybe how it relates to youI love tacos/sushi: what’s your favorite spot? What neighborhood? What’s your go-to order? How much can you eat? What time of day? Can you describe it? What’s the blasphemed version of it?I love travel: describe the last trip you went on, dum dum. Give us a cool story!I love my pet: tell us their name and your favorite thing that they do. How do they greet you when they see you?I love category of entertainment: this is easy, pick an example instead. Enjoying anime, video games, and musical theater is way less interesting than being a huge fan of One Punch Man, Sekiro, and Rent.You may not like Hinge, but take a look at the question prompts that they provide to encourage you to be specific. You can steal your answers and use them on any app.Specificity is also important for messaging. Try to highlight a particular piece of somebody’s bio. Is it blank? You can comment on the pictures in ways that go beyond the person’s looks. That mountain looks cool, where was that taken? How often do you go hiking? Was it as difficult a climb as it looks? (Don’t ask multiple questions at once, you’ll come off like Dash from the Incredibles)2. BE EMOTIONALLY CHARGEDExpressing your emotional reaction or opinion on something reveals your point of view, which is what makes you compelling (it’s also what makes comedians funny). Be bold and make strong choices!Here are just a few options:Annoyances (“I found out my laundromat’s dryers are broken after washing my clothes, so it’s time to wear a casual wetsuit to work”)Favorites (“I could write a multi-volume treatise on LEGO sets”)Outrage (“Reality tv is the death of our culture”)Bonds (“My dog and I will both like you if you feed us”)Mourning (“I’ll need someone to keep me company when Game of Thrones ends”)Disgust (“Oysters are the anus of the ocean”) (“Mmm, delicious...”)Injustice (“Restaurant owners that use non-Heinz ketchup should be beheaded”)ACTUAL DATING AND “THE SPARK”I don’t have enough experience to offer good advice about actual dating, but I will say this: for me, “the spark” was very real. I went on dates with around a dozen different people, and some of them I immediately knew I wasn’t attracted to while others I was, but the conversation was generally equivalent. Usually 2-3 hours over a drink or two, and mutual interest occasionally led to a 2nd or 3rd date, but I was still looking for more matches and comparing/evaluating the women I went out with.I had a date scheduled with one person that I wasn’t super excited about because we had barely exchanged any messages and I had a really good date the night before. But I don’t bail on plans, so I went. Within 15 seconds of meeting her, I knew that she was completely different from everyone else. It was intoxicating, we ordered two rounds of drinks and talked for 5 hours. By the end of the night, I didn’t care about the dates and matches I had been juggling and started cancelling future plans I had previously been organizing.I’m not saying that everyone feels “the spark” or that you have to. I’m aware that many loving long-term relationships begin purely physically, or as platonic friendships, or between cautious daters. What I am saying is that if someone is talking about “the spark,” or if it’s important to them, it’s not necessarily made up bullshit. Maybe there’s a spark for you that you’re just not aware of? Try to look for patterns in the people you’ve had serious crushes on in your life. Or maybe there isn’t, and that’s fine too. via /r/dating_advice

[batchaoticcollectionnight-blog]

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"Whittier California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 90605

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Individual health insurance plan?

I'm trying to find an individual plan that covers all my needs. I do have a routine medical problem that requires a few prescriptions every month, it's not a big and costly issue like cancer or HIV. Should I disclose this as a preexisting medical condition if asked, will I be denied coverage if I'm honest? If I obtain the insurance after denying my condition could I be denied the care/specialty visit/meds from a very routine medical condition?""

How much does your car insurance cost? help me with my survey (UK)?

monthly payments or yearly. i'd like to know please leave: -model of car and engine size -gender -age -years of driving -[optional] insurance company thanks for your cooperation

Whittier California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 90605

Whittier California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 90605

Insurance cost?

how much would insurance cost if i took drivers ed classes and get a license if you are 16 and own a paid off car

""What should I do, i cant find a job but I can nanny. How do nannys get insurance? help?""

I was laid off about a week ago. I graduated from college with 3 degrees that I guess are useless ( Associate in graphic design , B.A in Advertising and minor in Marketing) I have been looking for jobs since i graduated un 2011.I nannied for the first year. Then found one with awful pay and 60 plus hours did that for a year. Found a new job the paid great until they changed my pay in 3 weeks and then laid me off right before my insurance would kick in and said we are just looking for part-time. So here i am again I love nannying but I cant get insurance I applied for mass health ( lets be real, that i wont see for months) I though about severing two but I do want a life. I have a great bf and we will get married and everything but that wont be till like 2 or 3 years. I cant wait that long for insurance. Any ideas?? I be applying for months and nothin. I have had my resume and cover looked at by professionals so i don't know whats wrong.""

My landlord requires that my dog be covered by insurance - Suggestions?

I'm renting for a year so I figure I should look into some sort of renters insurance that includes dog liability. My dog is a one year old golden retriever. There are so many ...show more

What is the cheapest auto insurance for a 16 year old with a 4 door Tacoma?

like allstate, nationwide, geico, progressive.""

Will my insurance company raise rates because of a speeding ticket.?

With this ticket the cop said if i pay it before a certain date i wouldnt get any points on my license so would the insurance company even find out?

Anybody know of cheap but good car insurance?

i drive an SUV and i would like to have good coverage as well as being covered if someone else is driving my car....

How much do you pay for car insurance?

Just wanted to take a poll. Per year or per month Do you live in Canada or US

How do I find the cheapest car insurance?

My rates always go up even tho my wife and myself have clean driving records, we drive a 2012 Chevy Traverse and an old 1998 Dodge Ram, how can I find more affordable insurance rates? Thanks!""

Where can an 18 year old male find cheap car insurance?

It's getting frustrating looking for insurance that a college student will be able to afford and buy food at the same time. Is there a car that's cheaper? Or a brokerage that's cheaper?

Health Insurance: Duplicate Coverage?

I have a job where my health insurance premiums as well as my spouse's are covered without cost to me. However, my wife is insurured through her work as well because she is requiried to be insured under her employers plan even though she is already covered under mine. She chose an HMO because it was the least cost to us because we would want to use my insurance (PPO) as the main provider, that way she can choose her own doctors. She recently went to the doctor using my plan, but now they will not cover the visit because of duplicate coverage. Can someone give me advice as to how I can rectify this situation. We would prefer not to even use the HMO because it is expensive and restrictive, but the PPO will not cover because of the HMO coverage""

Car Insurance Calculator?

Im looking for a car insurance calculator so i can see how much this car would cost to insure should i end up getting it. Im only 17 so calling a car insurance company i would rather stay away from and idk what company my parents are even with But is there a calculator that doesnt require a ton of steps and just lets me put in what car i have and some basic questions about stuff that affects a 17 year old. Calculators i have been looking at ask for like house payments and monthly income ect and im 17. I dont have any of that. So any good and easy calculators to see if this car is too expensive to buy?

Sex change car insurance?

If a man gets a sex change into a women with boobs and everything would he be then entitled to womens only car insurance?

How can I get a car insurance quote if I'm under 18?

I don't have my license yet but a large part of what decides what car I can get depends on what the car insurance would cost. Since I am under 18 not of the car insurance websites will give me a quote and if i lie about my age it will change the cost. Any ideas?

2.5% tax penalty if you don't have health insurance?

There is a section on page 297 of the health care bill... which you can read here: http://docs.house.gov/rules/health/111_ahcaa.pdf It states plainly that any individual who does not have acceptable health insurance during any part of the year will be imposed a tax equal to 2.5% of their yearly adjusted gross income. My question is what the heck is that about? What has our government come to if they can legally punish people for not getting their own health insurance??

How much does insurance for eighteen wheeler in California?

How much does insurance for eighteen wheeler in California?

What is an affordable health insurance in N.J for my employee? i own a small business with one worker.?

What is an affordable health insurance in N.J for my employee? i own a small business with one worker.?

Insurance company GETTING AWAY?

I was reently rear-ended, my vehicle was totaled. My MEDICAL insurance paid for all our medical costs, does that mean that the other drivers car insurance company gets away without paying anything. At the hospital I gave all my medical insurance info, recently I got a letter from the hospital saying that all cost were already paid by my MEDICAL insurance company. Is the other drivers CAR insurance company gonna get away without paying anything? They have accepted FULL fault, since I was rear-ened.""

Tenant insurance help?

I am looking for any good low cost tenant insurance any sugestions I have heared of SoHo insurance but have heared a couple bad things about it your input would be very welcome Thank you in advance I live in soulthern Ontario

Where can I get cheap car insurance for provisional drivers? UK?

I have a full license and I'm about to get insured but want to add my mum as a learner... which UK company has the lowest rates for provisional license holders?

""If i want lighter trnasportation like a motorcycle or scooter, how much do they cost?""

how much for insurance, my car is nothing but trouble, and really i would love to just have a scooter, how much for one?""

What's the point of car insurance?

I've been paying my insurer monthly for several years. I have one relatively small accident where my damage doesn't reach deductible (so I have to pay for my damage out of pocket in full), they pay the other car which was around $1500 or so. They raise my premium for 3 years to an amount where in 3 years I end up paying for the other car anyway, and I still pay monthly as I have for all of the years before that... I'm trying to figure out how that's beneficial - outside of the fact that they paid upfront.""

More Better? Car Insurance Question?

We have 2 cars and currently 2 drivers on our insurance (my husband and I) and we were wondering if we add his mother on there will it be cheaper? The thing is his mother does not have a license and does not know how to drive, would it still be cheaper if we add her to our insurance?""

Putting someone on my car insurance policy?

Can i add my brother and his car to my insurance policy? He doesn't have insurance cuz he can't afford the whole big down payment to start his own policy. Can i just add him and his car to mine? I don't drive his car and he doesn't drive mine, so would that work?""

Where can I get private health insurance?

I need health insurance, like I know many people do. I have cancer, but I guess that's not considered a disabilty because I was turned down. My job does not pay for medical. I know several married couples where they have two different insurance policies through each of their employers, and they get to pick and choose which one to use. I don't have a spouse. I know several people who are alcoholics who have an HMO through their retirement and they are in the hospital every other month, simply because they have over drank. They run to the doctor every two months for very trivial things/ I know of several who abuse the veterans hospital from runny noses to a simple headache, plus they are paid monthly for a disabilty they don't have. They just don't want to work. I think married couples should only be able to use one insurance policy, and these others should be only allowed to go to the doctor a few times a year. If they are an alcoholic send them to AA.""

Auto insurance with eSurance. Are they good?

I received very good quote from eSurance on my 2 vehicles. My friends told me that sometimes insurance companies (especially those less expensive) can drop their clients after claim, which results in higher rate later on. Does anybody have any experiance with Esurance and their claim department. I can save a lot of money by switching to Esurance but if that's going to get me in trouble I'd rather stay with my currant provider and pay them more. Anybody experianced droping by the auto insurance company? Esurance have a lot of commercials on TV and radio but does that make them good? Any suggestions? Please give me any answers. Thank you!""

Whittier California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 90605

Whittier California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 90605

Car with cheap insurance and cheap to run.?

Can any one advise which car to look for that has cheap insurance , low tax and is economical to run .I dont need a powerful car .""

Im 17 make minimum wage and want a car. parents wont help pay car insurance or car payment. what can i d?

im 17 years old and make minimum wage. i want a car but my parents wont help pay for car insurance or car payment. i also need gas money and lunch money. i only make $6 an hour at my job and my insurance $115 and the car payment is $98. is i possible for me to get a car at all?

How much would car insurance cost for a 16 year old driving a new Chevrolet Camaro?

How much would car insurance cost for a 16 year old driving a new Chevrolet Camaro?

How can I get low cost medical insurance?

Hello, I am a single adult with no children, unfortunately I am still not able to afford health insurance, I have heard of medicaid or medicare, but I don't know how to apply for it. I need mental help, I suffer I believe from depression, but am not a doctor so I could be wrong, but still I need help. I am only 25 yrs. old, so if anyone has a suggestion or knows what I should do please let me know. If I have left out important details, email me and ask what you might need to know to hopefully be able to answer. I am very serious and do not need non serious answers, however I thank all of you who have helped in the past and continue to do so.""

Will my Car Insurance rates go up for 1 speeding ticket?

I just got a speeding ticket this morning (66mph in a 50). I have a really good record. Will my insurance go up? I have State Farm in Ohio. Thanks!

Car insurance question?

I'm 16, and im currently driving my parents car to and from school. im insured as a full time driver and have been driving since February. at the end of the summer i plan on buying my own car, and i was wondering if we cancelled my insurance on my parents car for me, and insured me on the new car would it cost more or less than it is now?""

Smart roadster uk insurance.?

Slight problem, was looking up TPFT insurance quotes for a smart roadster: 500 excess. 7000 yearly premium. 7500 annuall mileage. The car's only worth 8500 it has a 0.7L engine. How do they justify this price gouging?""

Can i go on another person's insurance?

im 18 and my mom doesnt drive. i got quoted for 358/month (female) would it be possible to go under another family members insurance (aunts, uncle) or does it have to be your parents (same adress)?""

Classic Car Insurance for Colorado?

I know theres alot of insurance companies that cover classic cars, but i want an insurance company that has an office in Colorado.. that has a low yearly amount of under $400 for a 1966 Mustang...""

How much does it cost on average for someone to own a car per month?

I am talking about evrything gas, insurance, loans etc...""

How much does it cost to be added on to someones auto policy for a week?

I live abroad and will be in the US driving my dads car for 10 days. How much should it cost for him to add me on to his insurance for such a short period?

Do i still have to pay excess on my car insurance?

can someone please tell me if I still have to pay my excess after a claim on my car insurance, it was my fault and alot of damage was done to the 3rd party car, i never got mine fixed...the thing thats confusing me if is my insurance is up for renewal next month but my current insurance is quoted over 1000 I have found it a lot less elsewhere so if course im leaving my insurance, but will I receive a letter stating i owe them the excess, as I paid nothing at the time of the claim?""

Affordable DUI/SR-22 insurance in CA?

I need to get dui/sr-22 insurance in California. I was wondering if anyone knew of a affordable, reliable company i can get it from? Whats an rough estimate of costs? Thanks""

How much will my moped insurance be?

if i buy a cheap moped (under 400), use it for only social purposes and keep it locked away in a garage at night, how much do you think it will cosT?""

""Car Insurance claims, time limit to file claim?""

I got in a auto accident a few days ago it was a three car pile up. The guy who caused the accident was cited and his car was towed away from the scence. Out of all three cars his brand new lexus was the least damaged, my car on the other hand is a total. His insurance company progressive is telling me and the other victim there is nothing they can do as far as a rental car for us or payments for our medical bills or to fix or total out our cars until they speak with there client who is avoiding them. Is there not a time limit? Because I have to go to work, I have childern and I am pregnant so this is a bad situation for me, my insurance company is not going to pay for all the damages just a few so it would be pointless for me to file thru them. What can I do and expect?""

Cheap Auto Insurance Deals?

Whats the best car insurance deal you know?

Why do people keep comparing health insurance to car insurance?

Liberals justify a Federal Mandate to carry health insurance by comparing it to govt. mandates on car insurance. The Government cannot force anyone to purchase anything. Driving is a choice , and if you choose to drive you understand that you need to purchase insurance. Living is not a choice!!!! Does anyone agree?""

""50cc bike insurance, need help!?

Well i need to get a bike to get around more.. and its like a 2000 reg bike that i found which is in pretty good condition.. and i've got my provisional etc.. and my CBT but the insurance still comes out as 560!? is there anyway of getting it lower?!

Health insurance question?

Can anyone explain the difference between state, federal and private health insurance if you're unemployed?""

Why do liberals keep referring to the new health insurance system as affordable? ?

I work on film crews. It an be a long time between movie projects, so I deliver pizzas between crews instead of going on unemployment like many of my film crew buddies. I also own some crappy land, which I inherited, that won't sell. It's just sitting there on the market, screwing me out of qualifying for anything and everything my tax dollars are used for in the way of entitlement funding. I live in a travel trailer. As soon as I have to start paying an upwards of $200 a month for health insurance that is only going to go up, up and up now that pre-existing conditions must be covered, I'm going to have to move into a tent. What part of this is affordable?""

Would I be eligible for EI if I get fired for not being able to pay car insurance?

I work on call and recently I have barely been getting any hours so now I can still afford next months rent but not car insurance. And this job cannot be done without a car. So if I am not able to afford the car insurance because my boss doesn't give me enough hours, and if he fires me because I am not able to do work because I can't afford car insurance, would I be eligible for EI?""

EMPLOYER INSURANCE VS OUTSIDE INSURANCE?

I work for a company that provides insurance through Health-net. Since the rates aren't that great (ya, what a surprise for Hyundai) I was wondering if could I deny the company insurance and just go with an outside provider? Or if I half to take what ever my company provides me.""

Average insurance rate for a 2002 MR2 Toyota Spyder for a 21 year old?

What do you think will be the average rate and how does this compare to insurance rates of a normal car like a Toyota Corolla and sports cars like a Mustang?

""Open container citation, will my insurance go up?""

i got cited for an open container while parked in my car, im 18, and im in california, and my insurance is all state, how much will it go up??and how much will i be fined for an open container?""

Can you be denied insurance coverage because of a PJC on your driving record thats more than 3 years old.?

My wife just got selected for a job in NC with our local paid EMS. They selected her but said there insurance company wouldn't cover her because of a PJC from 2003. PJC's go away every 3 years its been 4. Insurace companys cant use PJC's to raise rates and PJC are off your driving record at the DMV and insurance aftrer 3 years. So can they legally deny her coverage for that? Its on her permanent record like any one else with a PJC but its not a moving violation! Its just there for records thats it. The company driving policy she meets whats up with the insurance. I think this is illegal after 3 years. Does any one know?

Whittier California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 90605

Whittier California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 90605

""If you're arrested at 17, does your car insurance go up?""

If you're arrested at 17, does your car insurance go up?""

Adding a teen to the insurance with past accidents?

I take my license test exactly one week from today. I have all the insurance papers that I needed from my driving school. do I wait until I get my license to get on the insurance or can I do it now so that I'll be on there for next week? also, when I had my permit, I had two minor parking lot accidents that my dad had to take the blame for. Now that I will be on the insurance can I tell them it was me so that I will pay for the increase directly to the insurance company or should I just pay him the difference of what it is now and what it used to be each month? because I know his driving record will follow him for life. thanks in advance!""

Why does my car insurance quotes do this.....?

when I first passed my test 3 years ago at age 17 my insurance was almost 6000 for third party only on a ford fiesta. this was the rough price for this make/model on all insurance companies i got a quote from. Two weeks ago i did a quote for a fiesta hoping its reduced in price (three years later, havent drove since i passed my test ) and third party only was roughly 2000 with all companies i tried and FULLY COMP has been roughly 900-1000 with all companies i have recently tried. so why is fully comp alot more cheaper than third party only? I Have tried quotes with lots of different companies and gocompare and they all came up really cheap. However, today I done another quote on a fiesta I was hoping to buy today, and the quotes have come up at between 1800 and 3000. All details have always been the same- all quotes i have done have been on a 1.2 ford fiesta. so firstly why is FULLY COMP cheaper than THIRD PARY and why has my insrunce suddenly gone from cheap to expensive within the last few days? thanks""

I have a Mazda 6 ... whats the cheapest Car insurance I should get for it? per month?

What's the cheapest car insurance to get on a Mazda 6...2008? Expected Monthly payments, ect. I am currently at 70/month... with Allstate but I wanted to know if there was a cheaper service out there.""

What determines car insurance prices?

I'm going to get my first car soon. im 20 years old, been driving for a while, clean record. someone told me that the car you drive really makes a difference in the insurance price. Ive heard things like, white cars are cheapest, old cars are cheapest as well.. I dont knwo what car I'm buying but I want to get something that will get me a cheap insurance. So what shuld I get? An older car or a newer one? Also does color matter? things like that. thanks all!""

How much for term life insurance? compared to whole life?

im married, age 27 and interested in buying life insurance for me and hubby. for just myself how much would my monthly be approx? im healthy dont smoke and dont want to pay too much money.... does term life give you an option of continuing on with them after the 20+ years term? would the premium go up? i only need around 100, 000 i think. since i dont plan on dieing anytime soon but wouldnt want my family with no funeral money if i did. do my kids need any? they are 2 and 4 and i was considering the gerber life for them? please help! oh hubby is 27 and healthy non smoker as well""

""Based on my age, how much do think insurance will cost for a range rover sport?

i'm turning 17 in a few months and thinking of getting one for my birthday? a rough estimation would be nice

""Maximums for lawsuits in California have been capped at $250,000 for many years, and insurance costs haven't?

...gone down one bit. Lawsuits are only 5% of insurance companies costs - it's been proven many times including during the 2004 Presidential debates. Why is this the only suggestion they ever have?

Im looking for car insurance?

coverage for individuals who are less able to afford auto insurance

How much does a sixteen year old in BC pay for car insurance?

The car is an 87 porsche 944. my grades are less than satisfactory. i am expecting high numbers. i make $9.50 an hour working ten hours a week. also, is it even possible for me to pay the insurance along with gas and income tax? (car takes approx. 20 mpg) i drive about 30 miles a week.""

Should I take health Insurance?

I am 30 years old and have no medical history. Should I take Medical Insurance?

Insurance and a car that is being stored in a garage?

I'll have my full license next March and I was thinking of if I found a car (before then) and bought it, registered it and certified it but didn't use it until March (store it in a rented garage). If I did this, could I not pay insurance until I take it onto the road (I've read I can have it SORN )? Also, if I did get insurance for it (should anything happen to it while it's in storage) would I pay less than what I would if it were on the road and if so, how much of a difference would that be?""

Should i get home insurance as a home owner or a rental ?

i own a house and i rent out part of it . i pay about 925 per year. i am moving out of state should i switch to rental property rather then owner occupied insurance ? which one is better or cheaper

What effect does not being at fault in an automobile collision have on your insurance premium?

Doesn't the cost go up any way?

How much would insurance be on 96 tahoe?

i'm 19, and i'm about to get my licences. i always be eye balling this tahoe. how much would insurance be on it??""

Does full coverage auto insurance cover vandalism?

recently someone has threw a bottle of nail polish to my car, not a big deal no dents or anything, but what if they come back and smash my windows and tire does my insurance cover that?""

""What will happen to my car insurance - first time, minor accidental scratch?""

Very icy weather, I was going 20 km/hr (honestly) and when I made a right turn the ice dragged me out into the opposite lane. (It was kind of painful to watch - because I was going to SO slowly into the other car and I kept pumping the breaks but nothing) By the time I hit the car I was about 2 seconds from a complete stop already. Will this hurt my insurance? I've never been in a collision before. There was a litte peeling of paint and a scratch on the other car. Should I call them and offer to pay for it and not get my insurance involved? That's what I heard to do.""

How much is the average car insurance if I'm 18?

How much is the average car insurance if I'm 18?

What is the cost of car insurance in ontario canada?

i live in thorhill. i just got my licence (G2). im 19 and a student. anyone can give me an approximation of the fee per month?

Best Health Insurance for Young Adults?

I am 21 and a soon-to-be college graduate. What is the best health insurance company/plan for someone in my position? Please include the monthly cost. I've heard alot about Blue Cross Blue Shield but this is a very important decision and I need a little help making it. I am not looking to get on my parents' health insurance. Thanks!

Do most parents pay for their children's car insurance?

Ok, don't rant at me, I'm asking this question innocently. Basically, I want to know if it's common for parents to pay for their children's car insurance (I'm thinking of those 17, 18, 19, etc. who just passed their test and haven't moved out), or if the child is usually made to pay it themselves? I don't know if part time jobs will cover the cost or what (especially as I imagine they will usually pay for their own petrol), but 3000 a year does seem quite a bit for a teenager to be able to afford. And seems like more and more youngsters are getting cars... I don't think I would expect my parents to pay for mine when I pass my test, but then again I don't know how I'd be able to afford it myself either... So I'm looking for some insight on the topic.""

Can i sorn my car and keep paying insurance?

can I sorn my car for a couple of weeks as its run out of mot and tax. I want to sorn it for a couple of weeks while i sort out a couple of problems then put it through its mot and tax it again. In the meantime while its sorn can i continue to pay my insurance as I dont want to lose my no claims for the year or will my insurance company know its been sorned?

Is it wrong to TTC without having medical insurance?

We've been married for more than 3 years now, I'm 27, we just bought a house and we both have decent jobs, we feel we're ready and is a good time in our lives (even though there's never a perfect time). The insurance issue is been stopping me from before, but I don't get it from my job and is very expensive to get it through his. Everyone says I automatically get medicaid, we don't make great money but we're not poor either, do we qualify? is it irresponsible from us to start without it? Also I'm a permanent resident, husband's american...I do pay taxes!""

What would I need to do to get car insurance (new driver)?

I plan on leasing a car and paying monthly, but I'll need car insurance. I'm 21 and a new driver, Where should I get my car insurance? And how much will i be looking to pay for a car in the 2004-2006 range? Thanks.""

Does anyone know how to find someone who wants to have their car driven somewhere for them for a fee?

I am interested in making extra money and would be willing to drive someone's car for them. Does anyone know how to get started in this as a side business--how to find clients, how much fee to charge, insurance issues etc.""

Whittier California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 90605

Whittier California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 90605

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-pleased-you-your-health-care-insurance-david-davis/"

[wavenetinfo]

He once yelled at a drug-dealing kid that he brought piss to a sh– fight. He flew into a petty rage because someone was stealing his narrow spoons, which were the only ones that could effectively navigate his Fage yogurt cups. He made a high-level Silicon Valley exec painfully aware of his advanced age in a torrent of colorful ways. And he more frequently has said the words “pilapa” and “Jian Yang!!!”

He is Erlich Bachman, and a few weeks from now, the notorious incubator, semi-gifted bloviator, Aviato pioneer, Pied Piper investor, wanna-be guru, and clothes-free emperor will bid farewell to Silicon Valley. As announced last month, T.J. Miller is exiting HBO’s beloved, Emmy-nominated tech comedy, with the season finale on June 25 serving as his final episode. “The producers of Silicon Valley and T.J. Miller have mutually agreed that T.J. will not return for season 5,” read the network’s statement on May 25. “In Erlich Bachman, T.J. has brought to life an unforgettable character, and while his presence on the show will be missed, we appreciate his contribution and look forward to future collaborations.”

It is a weighty loss for the just-renewed show — on a scale of 1 to 100, let’s call it a fleventy-five — and one that has already fans pouring out bong water in his Bachmemory. Miller’s Erlich proved to be an early breakout character on Silicon Valley, lording over the proceedings — or at least, attempting to — with a buffoonish, douchey regality while spewing cutting one-liners like, “One of you is one of the least attractive people I’ve ever met and I’m not going to say which one,” and, “He’s in the garage, like a sad bag of potting soil.” He excels at self-promotion, delusion, marijuana consumption, and grammar (“It’s hards-on”) and suffers a severe allergy to self-awareness. In his quest to matter, he has seen his fortunes raised and razed, and they may be (temporarily?) on the upswing again: In last week’s episode, Erlich accidentally charmed his way into the good graces of V.R. guru Keenan Feldspar (Haley Joel Osment), which helped him to maneuver his way into the new firm started by Laurie (Suzanne Cryer) and Monica (Amanda Crew). Whatever transpires or transmogrifies, the boys from Pied Piper who have been reluctantly receiving his shelter and counsel — that’s Richard (Thomas Middleditch), Gilfoyle (Martin Starr), Dinesh (Kumail Nanjiani) and Jared (Zach Woods) — are about to be left to their own devices, handheld and otherwise.

Miller’s move, while surprising, may not come as a complete shock. The industry profile of the always-animated, always-activated, never-predictable comedian has been on the rise — recent films include Deadpool and Office Christmas Party — as has his workload. He executive produces and stars in Comedy Cental’s The Gorburger Show as a giant blue alien, and he’s performing stand-up across the country; his first HBO comedy special T.J. Miller: Meticulously Ridiculous airs June 17. Miller, 35, is dabbling in various genres in the film world: He recently shot roles for the big-screen thriller Underwater and Steven Spielberg’s adaptation of the sci-fi novel Ready Player One. In addition, he’s co-writing an action comedy for Dreamworks titled Ex-Criminals (in which he’d also star) and he voices the lead character in this summer’s The Emoji Movie as well as in 2019’s How to Train Your Dragon 3. Miller will also reunite with Ryan Reynolds in Deadpool 2. And if he runs himself ragged and catches a cold, he’s also the cure. (See: his Mucinex commercials.)

Miller, who will perform Friday at Comedy Central’s Clusterfest festival in San Francisco, emerged from the pile of projects to explain the reasoning behind his fast-approaching goodbye, why he thinks his departure is actually good for the show, and — this one might sting a bit — why you’ll never see Erlich again.

John P. Johnson

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: If this is just a bit, this would definitely be a good time to tell us. T.J. MILLER: If this is a bit, I would never tell you.

How “mutual” was the decision? As mutual as public announcements go. I’m so grateful to HBO because they offered several ways that we could make this work. They were open to all sorts of compromise to allow Erlich to continue to be on the show, but ultimately this just felt like an organic ending. And the relationship with HBO — I mean, they did my special. It’s a dream come true, or at least a living, waking nightmare that was actualized. And on top of that, they gave my best friend, Pete Holmes, Crashing — a show that’s autobiographical, and I get to play myself. I’m not a very good actor; that’s a really easy job. I love HBO, but I thought this would be that thing that would change the show in a positive way. I mean, those guys are the funniest guys working.

Why are you leaving now? I would love to do The Emoji Movie and things like that and have the time to develop animated features. I would like to keep offering up Gorburger and letting people see a very different side of talk show guests. And that was a big part of why I said, “I’ve learned everything I can from this show. I would love to continue to be involved with it, if only because fans really do enjoy the show, and they seem to enjoy the character. But ultimately I just have to make more things and different things.”

I work so much. I do every single platform. I do every single medium, down to podcasting with Cash Levy (“Cashing in with T. J. Miller”), all the way up to being in an underwater thriller with Kristin Stewart and wanting to be the funny part of that. So [I left] for my own sanity, and for the sake of slowing down, and being more present and able to devote more time to this myriad of projects that I have going on. The other thing of it is that I didn’t get into comedy to be a television actor, and the second that I felt that there was a possibility of going on autopilot — of even phoning it in with this particular project — that’s when I say, “Okay, I gotta walk away. I have to do something where this won’t happen. I can’t allow myself to show up and give a B-plus performance on a show that is an A-plus when it comes to television.” That is a huge, huge part of it.

I think for something to come to an organic end, even if it’s before the public wants it to happen, is so much better. Leave them wanting more. There was one adage that’s never wrong. In comedy, you walk off-stage when the laughs are at their peak, and people go, “Wait, what? The show’s over? It’s just over like that?” You leave them wanting more because you don’t ever want them to wish that there had been less….

Also, in a weird way, it’s interesting to me to leave a show at its height. It’s interesting to me to see how the show will grow and change with the exit of this character.

Did you feel that you had creatively plateaued playing this character — that you had said everything you wanted to say as Erlich? There is no plateau when working with [Silicon co-creator] Mike Judge. Mike Judge is a prescient genius… I took a cue from my wife. Her favorite quote from David Bowie is — and I’m not an artist, so put “artist” in quotations marks — an artist should always be just far enough in the water that his feet are barely touching the ocean floor, and that’s where you do your best work. You don’t know what’s going to happen. I chose the most unsafe, destabilizing decision that one could make.

When did the thought of leaving first enter your mind? I think in the middle of the season, I started to think, “If there is a way…” And when I did Underwater, this Kristen Stewart-Vincent Cassel movie, it was a nice reminder because I was a stranger in a strange land — a comedian in an actor’s world and director’s world. Why did I do this underwater thriller? Because it was a Deadpool move — an unexpected move because I get to do something different, to learn from these people — I reminded myself that I didn’t get into this game to become a successful television actor. I didn’t want to be on a sitcom where I made a boatload of money and then could do films but didn’t do a ton, but have a bunch of money and bought a cool house in L.A. and totally rehabbed it so it’s no longer ranch-style. Both of us are already bored with that example. I need to be a stand-up comedian. We’ve got some pretty heavy sh– going on right now, and the best thing I can do is stand-up comedy. I hope Meticulously Ridiculous is both well-received and something that people feel like they can return to for laughs, like Norm Macdonald’s special was for me, and Patton Oswalt’s special was for me.  I’m a good stand-up comedian. But I’d like to be a great stand-up comedian, and that takes an immense amount of focus and work ethic. I have both, but I didn’t have the time.

Is any part of you nervous about this decision? I was anxious for Kate [Miller, his wife]. Kate said, “Are you sure you want to do this? Because people love this character. And you love this cast. And you love working with Mike Judge. Be very certain that this is what you want to do. Because HBO is being very accommodating.” But for myself, no, not nervous. I am so fortunate to have Deadpool 2, How to Train Your Dragon 3, and hopefully Big Hero 7, Ex-Criminals, the movie that I had set up at Dreamworks which put me in Office Christmas Party, and Ready Player One. I want to shepherd and help develop Gorburger. It’s a perfect property, it’s such a f—ing weird show, and I can say a lot more with that than I can with being the funny guy on somebody else’s incredible, great satire, but somebody else’s project. I’m excited. I have some really interesting, exciting opportunities. And more importantly, I love the idea of [using] that time to figure out how I can diversify and offer the public more comedy while also at the same time hanging out with wife, who is my favorite person alive.

My only concern was that the fans would be upset or frustrated that this character wouldn’t be present. And then the other real concern was that people would think — and some people have said this online — “Oh, okay. Well, now he’s in Deadpool, so he thinks he’s too big for this television show.” I’m not too big for anything. I’m the f—ing Mucinex man. [Laughs.] I will do it all to bring laughter to people.

Kate said, “There will be some people who feel like that there’s an arrogance to this, that there’s an element of hubris to this. I want you to think about that.” She also said, “Think about how much your family loves the show. So know that this is going to be a real bummer for everybody that loves you on the show.” And then, of course, I tell my father before I make the definitive decision. In my family, we always have to ask for a counsel of the elders. He goes, “You know what? Erlich was starting to wear thin on me.” In classic father-son fashion, he was like, “Yeah, I was starting to get annoyed by you anyway.” [Laughs]. And that was an interesting barometer for me to say, “The last thing that I want is for people to be like, ‘God, his character is so great, but he’s so one-note.’ [The writers] had given me a lot. They really allowed Erlich to become dynamic. He became a sadder, darker, more ostracized or alienated character, and that gave me a lot to do. But the moment that this character becomes grating to people, that’s going to be such a loss… In the weirdest way, it was protecting this thing that we had made — the dynamic of Richard and Erlich, and Erlich and Jian Yang — so that people would always miss it and think fondly of it, not feel like, “Well, he really jumped the shark in season 6.”

NEXT PAGE: Miller on why his exit will be good for the show — and his castmates’ reactions

2 June 2017 | 5:28 pm

Dan Snierson

Source : EW.com

>>>Click Here To View Original Press Release>>>

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