#the scene pauses after the goon says that

[blurglesmurfklaine]

I saw TUTS Newsies last night and here are some little things I noticed and also thoughts and opinions because I have them!

The *second* the actor stepped on stage, @jlmjlmjlm leans over to me and says “He is SO Davey” and I 1000% agree. Costume, acting, the way he held himself? Perfection. THE Davey of all time

((Davey was the show stealer for me honestly. He was so fucking good. Put his whole Davussy into everything. Probably the best tenor in the show and also a great dancer))

PULITZER HAS A RUSSAIN/EUROPEAN ACCENT??

In the first circulation gate scene where Davey is introduced, Race sits on a stack of newspapers and continuously drums on them, kind of in his own little world, incredible ADHD coded

In the transition after the “That’s disgusting/that’s business” scene, Les spits on his hand and shoves it in Davey’s face. Davey moves out of the was but cracks the fuck up. It’s so siblings and so damn cute

Davey tries to follow Jack when he goes up to the box to speak with Katherine, but Jack stops him

The scene before TWWK shows Davey as MUCH more conflicted than livesies. He’s not standing with the newsies, he’s in the middle of the stage and keeps looking back between the circulation gate and them and finally goes with the newsies to strike and it’s SO GOOD

Honestly this whole scene Davey is SUCH A FUCKING LEADER and it’s amazing! Not only Jack, but the rest of the newsies keep looking for to him for guidance on the strike and it’s very funny but also so good. I think this might be my favorite Davey yet.

In the Seize the Day fight scene, one of the goons picks up Les and Davey and a few other newsies go to help him and then use him as a battering ram

“The woild is… *dramatic pause, looks off into distance* ya erster!” “Ya what?” 😒 “*redoes dramatic pause* Ya erster!”

No tap break for KONY :(

But Katherine and Davey are BESTIESSSSS! She stands on the table and says “Alright Davey!”

Davey also ate during this dance scene and left not a single crumb

“Is that a real place? Is that—”*Davey takes off his hat and holds it to his heart and looks up to the sky like he’s swooning* “Santa Fe?”

The way they hid Katherine from Jack in Pulitzer’s office was SO FUCKING FUNNY. Pulitzer tells her to sit before Jack comes in and she does, but as soon as the door opens she makes the shrek meme face and spins the chair around and slides her back down the chair to hide and it was SO GOOD that actress was so fantastic!

When Davey is speaking at the rally before Jack gets there, one of the newsies shouts “YOU TELL EM DAVEY!” And it’s very cute and funny, these newsies looooove Davey

Oh my god the POST RALLY TRANSITION??? Is fucking amazing. Jack takes the money off to the side and disappears. Spotlight on Davey and the Manhattan newsies all forming a line on the apron. They all start looking for Jack, calling for him and no one can find him so they all look to DAVEY and start crowding him like “what do we do?” And Davey has no idea what to do, gets overwhelmed and runs offstage, all of the newsies following him

Before Once And For All, Katherine and Davey have an off to the side moment and give each other little hi-fives

*thick Russian accent* “It’s a compromise we can all live with”

“What’s Santa Fe got that New York ain’t? Sandstorms?”

When Jack and Katherine kiss at the very end of the show, all the newsies lose their shit and Davey is the ONLY one who doesn’t clap for them akdhsjsj

Overall, I was pleasantly surprised with and looooved how Davey-centric it was! One of my favorite Davey’s ever. He and Kath totally stole the show. Great experience and probably the best birthday present ever in the history 💞💞

[mickimagnum]

Devin's Dude Ranch: Episode Ten

*the episode opens with a shot of Echo Valley Ranch. The sun has just set and crickets can be heard singing in the background.*

Devin, in the diary room: "Today is our second group date and I'm so excited to spend more time with my four guys tonight. They're all still here because I still want to get to know them and events like tonight are the perfect chance to do just that. I'm hoping they're going to be able to cut a little loose."

*the next shot opens with the contestants lined up. they're waiting for Devin in the backyard. she approaches and they all greet her with smiles*

Devin: "Hi guys!"

Devin (continues): "Wow, you all look so nice tonight. I can't believe I get to spend another evening with you fine gentleman."

*the contestants grin and chuckle softly*

Devin (continues): "For tonight's group date, I thought we could cut a little loose with a backyard hoedown. What do you fellas say?"

*the group cheers in reply*

Devin: "Alright then, let's party!"

*the next scene opens with Devin sitting at the bar, joined by the contestants*

*Devin sips at her glass of nectar while Albert looks on, a smile playing at the corners of his lips*

Albert: "So, how was your day," *pauses and tips his invisible cowboy hat* "darlin'?"

*Devin chuckles and shakes her head*

Devin: "It was good. Just a typical, busy day. Worked the horses. Did some nectar business. Although, I did actually have time to go for a jog this afternoon which was nice. What about yours, cowboy?"

*Albert makes a show out of pausing to ponder*

Albert: "Also busy. I hung out with these goons all day," *motions to the other contestants* "and...thought about you nonstop."

*Devin grins ear to ear*

Devin: "Is that a fact?"

Albert: "Yes. Admittedly, you're all I've been able to think about since I've gotten here."

*Devin blushes and tries to hide it behind her hand*

*After a beat, she recovers, leans forward and asks:*

Devin: "And what exactly were you thinking about?"

*Albert grins, leans closer to her, and they lock eyes*

Albert: "Well, I'd love to tell you, but I'm sure these guys don't want to here it," *glances around at the other contestants* "Why don't you come dance with me and I can tell you?"

*Devin nods as a smile breaks out across her face*

Devin: "Deal."

*the next scene opens with Albert and Devin slow dancing out on the dance floor. They are gazing at each other intensely and smiling.*

Devin: "So tell me. What thoughts have been going through that beautiful, twisted mind of yours?"

*Albert chuckles*

Albert: "Twisted?"

Devin: "You heard me."

*Devin winks at him and the pair share a laugh*

Albert: "Well. I think about that first night, and how natural it felt to have you in my arms. How right it felt. I think about your brown eyes...a lot. And your laugh. Man, I love the sound of your laugh. I think about how amazing it would be to have a life with you, from the crazy adventures we'd have to just waking up next to you every morning. But, mostly, I think about how I can get more time with you, because honestly, it feels like the air I'm breathing right now."

*The camera cuts to Devin. Her eyes are shining and she is smiling widely*

Devin: "Albert...I had no idea you felt that way. That has got to be one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me."

*Albert suddenly scoops Devin up. She wraps her arms around his shoulder and they hold intense eye contact*

Albert: "Oh, I do. Maybe I should let you in on a little secret."

Devin: "And what's that?"

Albert: "I'm f*bleep*ing crazy about you."

*Devin smiles and leans forward to kiss him.*

*The camera zooms in to Stan standing in the background watching. His face is etched in anger.*

Albert (in diary room): "What a night. I opened up to Devin about my feelings for her and I feel like it took our relationship to the next level. And she kissed me....best kiss of my life too. These other guys better watch out. I'm not leaving without my girl."

*the next scene opens with Devin and all of the contestants dancing to modern ranch music; all except Stan who can been seen drinking heavily at the bar with a dark look on his face*

Houston: "What do you mean you've never read The Grapes of Wrath?"

Devin: "Don't judge me, mister. I'm admittedly not a huge reader. I don't have time."

*Houston acts wounded*

Houston: "But you have that beautiful library upstairs!"

*Devin chuckles*

Devin: "I do. And I would love to read the books I have in it but alas."

Houston: "I think I know a solution."

*Devin looks at him puzzled*

Devin: "Now you've got me curious."

Houston: "You're too busy to read, so why don't I read to you? I'll be your living audio book. I can read some to you every night before we go to bed."

*Devin pauses a moment as a smile spreads across her face*

Devin: "I think I love this idea."

*Houston smiles back at her*

Houston: "We can start with The Grapes of Wrath. It's a classic and I think you'll love it."

Houston (in diary room): *stares at the floor for a moment before a smile begins to spread on his face. he then looks directly into the camera*

"I think I'm falling in love with Devin."

Stan (ranting to bartender): "Ya know, I don't even know why I'm here. I mean, I came to find love, but it's like competing with a pack of wolves. It's f*bleep*ing ridiculous. I'm too old for this s*bleep*."

*Stan drinks deeply from his mug of beer*

*The camera cuts to Handra and Devin, who can be seen embracing each other, both smiling deeply*

Handra: "I've missed you. Is it too early to admit that?"

*Devin chuckles*

Devin: "Never. I've missed you, too. Your presence...it calms me. You make me feel safe."

*Handra smiles down at her*

Handra: "You're always safe with me, Devin."

*She bites her lower lip and blushes. After a pause she says:*

Devin: "Wanna swing?"

*Handra grins*

*the pair can then be seen swinging, giggling, and talking indistinctly*

*After Handra and Devin get done swinging, he takes her hands and looks into her eyes*

Handra: "I just wanna say, Devin, anytime I spend time with you, I feel like the luckiest man alive. I love how genuine you are to yourself, and with others. You inspire me."

*Devin smiles*

Devin: "I love spending time with you too. I think we get along so well because you are also a really genuine person. It's a rare quality."

Handra: "That it is."

*His eyes sparkle at Devin and she can't help but keep smiling up at him*

Handra (in diary room): "Being with Devin just makes me happy. I really hope she feels the same way about me. And I want us to keep making each other happy. That's all I got to say."

*Devin sits down next to Stan and greets him with a big smile*

Devin: Hi there, stranger. You've been awfully quiet tonight. Everything alright?"

*Stan glances up at her*

Stan: "Just haven't had the energy to claw my way through the wolfpack tonight for your attention."

*Devin cocks an eyebrow at Stan*

Devin: "The wolfpack, huh?"

*Stan shrugs*

Stan: "Everyone's fighting for your attention all the time. That's what it feels like. We're wolves circling prey. You're a prize to be won." *he looks down at his drink* "It's exhausting."

*Devin studies him for a moment*

Devin: "Is it the competition that's bothering you or that you don't feel like you're getting enough time with me."

*Stan snorts*

Stan: "Hell, both, if I'm being honest."

*Devin looks slightly annoyed as she rests both hands on the bar. She takes a deep breath before speaking*

Devin: "I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm doing my best to spend time with everyone. It is certainly challenging. But, this is a two-way street, Stan. You have to put in effort, too. You said you don't feel like you've gotten enough time with me, but also said you don't feel like 'clawing your way' through the others. This is, unfortunately, what we all signed up for. So, do you see my problem? I mean, which is it? Do you want to spend time with me or not? I'm going to do my part, but can I count on you to do yours? I guess that's my question."

*Stan clenches his jaw as he eyes her, choosing his next words carefully*

Stan: "I'm not sure this arrangement is for me. This whole thing is more difficult than I bargained for."

*Devin looks stunned*

Devin: "So, are you saying you want to leave?"

Stan: "I'm not sure what I'm saying."

*Stan abruptly gets up from the bar*

Stan: "I need some time to think."

*he then turns and skulks into the house, leaving a stunned Devin still sitting at the bar*

*the camera cuts to the other three contestants on the dancefloor, looking on in shock*

Handra: "Wait, is Stan leaving?"

*Stan can be seen in the bathroom, clinging to the sink while glaring into the mirror*

Stan (voiceover): "I'm so angry I want to smash everything in this room. I had no idea this was going to be this hard; seeing her with the other men. I'm not sure I can keep doing this. I'm going insane."

Devin (in diary room): "I'm so surprised at the way Stan behaved tonight. I mean, no, this is not an ideal situation for any of the contestants but it is what everyone signed up for. Yes, it's hard. But, we're all doing our best. Really, I'm disappointed in him for acting so...immaturely. If he decides to leave, I will be sad to see him go, but if he doesn't think I'm worth it, then maybe it's not worth the emotional investment. I don't know. I'm really confused righ now."

Stan (in diary room): "I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet. On one hand, I really like her and I want to see what's there between us. On the other, I'm tired of competing with these other dudes, of seeing them with her. It's too hard. I hate it. I don't know what I'm going to do..."

Albert submitted by @bakersimmer Houston submitted by @invisiblequeen Handra submitted by @bloomingkyras James "Stan" submitted by @natolesims

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[desultory-novice]

I will 1000% ask about how your Meta-Knight ain't got no common sense :D Please, explain in detail.

Before I start, I want it to be known - Meta Knight is among my top favorite characters. He WAS my favorite character before I got hyper-attached to the tricksters.

That said, I do not put him on the same pedestal most of the rest of the fandom (??) does. And I mean that lovingly. I'm all about having as many different interpretations of characters as possible. So if everyone else's Meta Knights are the smartest member of the main team, that's cool!

But I didn't grow up with the anime, where Meta Knight was the mentor and holder of the only braincell. I grew up with Kirby's Adventure where Meta Knight flings his mercenary group at you while also throwing you Invincibility Candy like he's meme Tuxedo Mask! And he's doing all this AFTER having been entrusted with a piece of the Star Rod by Dedede to stop Dream Land from being consumed by the literal incarnation of Nightmares!!

...Very responsible. :nod nod:

And Revenge of Meta Knight! As can be pointed out, Meta Knight is close enough with Dedede to be entrusted with a piece of the Star Rod and the secret of Dark Nebula's sealed treasure chest, but somehow, in-between these two events, he just randomly decides to START A COUP?! And it's because he thinks random military action will make the Dream Landers abandon their lazy ways!

I really don't think highly of the Return to Dream Land novelization but there's a scene early on where Kirby and Meta Knight are trying to talk down some enemies "peaceably" but the second one of them makes a single misstep, Meta Knight draws his sword like it's a fork at an all-you-can-eat buffet and immediately wants to DESTROY these two goons just because someone said the word "fight."

This one is more of a personal interpretation, but I laugh every time when fighting Meta Knight in Kirby's Epic Yarn because it just feels like every time you snatch the CLEARY EVIL sword away from him, he just grabs the next one without even thinking! (I mean, more likely it just takes him over while he's still fighting off the possession, but I can't imagine Meta Knight would refuse a sword even if it was labeled "Massively Evil - Do Not Touch.")

And he builds the Buddy Fight Tower with Dedede. I want to emphasize that. That wasn't Dedede saying he wants to build a 99-floor tower to fight Kirby and Meta Knight trying and failing to stop him. No, you can bet Meta was on board the whole time. The end credits make it clear they were always in this together.

He's Dedede's Sworn Partner. Not his Smart Partner.

I know I've made some comments about Meta in Amazing Mirror too in regards to the treatment of Dark Meta Knight. One possible interpretation I put forth, based on DMK's crazy pause lore is that Dark Meta Knight has been around for mu~ch longer than the plot of KatAM and yet Meta Knight thought it was cool to just keep a lid on the whole "parallel universe with my blood-thirsty combat-crazed doppleganger running around. Oh yeah, he can also LEAVE said parallel universe at will and has power over prismatic light and can split things into four but again, no need to warn anyone about that. I'll go off to smack him around myself and not tell anyone."

Meta Knight is kinda cringe. He's a big, huge dork. He thinks he knows what he's doing but he doesn't. You know how he likes books? And likes to read? So he's smart?!?

I point you to the Sweet Dreams, Kirby book where Meta Knight shows up with a friggin' encyclopediaat some UNGODLY hour of night and asks Kirby - KIRBY - if he WANTS TO READ WITH HIM!!

No wonder Kirby doesn't grace that with a response.

Meta Knight is... kinda dumb. I'm sorry~! I love him as much as the rest of you do. I really, truly do. But he's a silly bat...

-

As for Marx's placement, to re-iterate what I wrote in the tags, Marx may have thought to wish on a planet-sized pocket watch to be able to do mischief all day long with no consequences, but at least he kept his plans to himself. He didn't linger around and get all chatty and give reasons for Kirby or the others to get suspicious.

He followed Kirby discretely, waited until THE perfect moment, backstabbed (back-kicked) Kirby into space and made his wish. Marx would have won if not for the Sparkle Stars saving Kirby's life AND providing him with a ship. And that was damn well nearly a deus ex machina save!

After Marx gets blown up and turned into meat spaghetti, the next time we see him, he's suddenly all playing nicey-nice with Kirby and friends! "Look! I'm a good guy now! Mwee hee hee!" But it's because he knows that Kirby can and will defeat him if he acts up. That Kirby will defy all logic to do it. As he has before.

...Marx learned his lesson FAST. Thus, why I judge him smart.

He is terminally silly though.

[fractualized]

And so begins the Knight Terrors interlude for TMWSL! I'd thought maybe we'd get more clues to the which-Joker-is-Joker mystery with this, but this issue opens in the dream, and over in Knight Terrors: First Blood, there's just a small close-up with Joker's face when he becomes afflicted with sleep so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyways spoilers, dark humor, and nightmarish imagery ahead.

The opening scene made me cackle, I found it so unexpected.

LOL Just. The fucking slide. Jesus.

Joker, Gaggy (whose presence may indicate the TMWSL backers are also dreams), and a goon (who is possibly a human stand-in for Jackanapes) confirm that Batman is, in fact, dead.

Aw, no point in the heist now that Batman is unable to stop it, and once again Joker's towing around the corpses of people he cares about.

He brought Bruce into the diner to sit next to him omfg

Earlier Joker laughed about Batman falling off the roof, but now it's sunk in that their epic battle ended forever in the dumbest way possible. Other heroes just don't have the same appeal.

Though Joker does try to keep up the fun.

But when the ship captain says it'll be easy for him to just hand it over…

It's just not the same. :(

PAUSE

I just want to highlight that Joker appears to be eating refried beans and marshmallows.

RESUME

As per usual, without Batman to fight, Joker realizes he doesn't have any other goals. Even Gaggy still has a taste for crime, and he throws the paper at Joker as he leaves.

(Side note: do you think Lex Luthor has shown up on Real Housewives of Metropolis? Like in party scenes or something?)

The Jobs section in the paper apparently spurs Joker to try something new. He goes for a job interview at none other than Wayne Enterprises, and we finally run into Insomnia.

Readers who've read Knight Terrors: First Blood will realize this man is this dream's manifestation of the Bad Guy Who Incited the Event, but if you haven't, just his appearance is a clue that something's not right about him.

But this is Joker's dream, so he doesn't notice anything weird apparently!

He looks like such a goof. 💕

Joker starts off the job by trying to search on his workstation for where all WE's money is or their secret weapons projects or…

….. something "of Bruce Wayne." Which has to be "naked pictures." I don't care if you think batjokes is real or not, that's the obvious fill-in.

We'll never know for sure because of Helen (which was also the name of the nurse in TMWSL #3 who called the cops on Joker at the hospital, and that probably doesn't mean anything, but I remembered it). Joker introduces himself.

(Johann was also a name from the hospital, the dead husband of that patient at the end of TMWSL #4. Which also probably doesn't mean anything but maybe Rosenberg could switch it up with names?)

Now that Batman is gone, it appears that Joker wants to start trouble at Bruce's old company instead. Even when he's trying to get a new purpose, it's still related to fucking with Bruce. Unfortunately for Joker, in a comedic bit about corporate bureaucracy, Helen reveals that their nameless department isn't really responsible for anything important.

A few weeks pass, and Johann becomes known as the office comedian.

But his supervisor does have complaints about his performance.

Joker does not respond well to this bad feedback!

Check out the issue if you want more of a man's head exploding.

The next morning, Joker tries to incite some kind of… uprising? Mass resignation?

Yeah, yeah, end-stage capitalism, we've all seen it, J.

In the regular world, Mr. Dee might be talking to Johann about that brutal murder in the breakroom, but as Joker prepares to take down Mr. Dee as well…

And here's some extra weirdness: Joker didn't start working at WE until after Batman plotzed himself. How has Bruce taken a shine to him?

That job title is killing me.

If you've taken a look at Knight Terrors: Batman, you know that Insomnia claimed that he has no control over where people's dreams go and that he's just going along for the ride. However, Insomnia certainly has control over how he presents, and he's looking for the Nightmare Stone. So I think the promotion he's offering is a careful suggestion to draw Joker deeper into this scenario to see if that's where Doctor Destiny hid the stone.

And it's interesting that Joker still says here that Batman is dead, despite two statements indicating that he's alive. If Batman is still around, that means so is Joker's reason for being. He should jump on this! But the thing is, this dream and TMWSL take place after Joker War, after the batjokes divorce. Batman explicitly abandoned Joker to figure out how to survive on his own, and they haven't seen each other since. In Joker 2021, Joker was implied to have suicidal thoughts. In TMWSL, we have one clown who left Gotham as soon as he returned, and another who was expressly depressed. Batman fucks with the rules of their game and ruins it? He might as well have died "like a %$!@?*& moron."

Insomnia is practically throwing a cue in Joker's face: Batman is still out there to play with! Joker can run out the door right now! Or he can burrow deeper into this new goal, into this dream, and hide from the abandonment. It feels like a test to see if Joker will take Insomnia where he wants to go.

And Joker chooses to burrow. More weeks pass, and now he's the funny(?) boss.

Instead of getting called to HR, he gets invited to drinks!

That guy's WTF, CAROL expression is killing me.

Wait. D'Amico??

That's the name of the doctor who pulled a bullet out of Joker's brain in TMWSL #3! These names can't be an accident at this point. I still don't know if they mean anything, but y'know, they're there.

Alright, so now Joker is at the point where he goes to office happy hours.

And he's not even killing anyone! That's a bad sign. Uh, for Joker, relatively. It's a good sign for anyone else. But who are those shadowy figures?

Our favorite murderclown is back in action, ready to remind any street thug that Gotham is his town!

Oh wait, it's not just any thug. It's Gaggy, who is very surprised to see Joker. Gaggy says he looked for Joker when he heard the rumors that Batman came back, and Joker tells him not to tell lies. His old life comes back and literally kicks him in the gut, once more telling him Batman is back, and Joker still doesn't want to hear it. He emphatically sheds the blood he just shed.

UM, YOURS? WHO ARE YOU?!

Just a jokey boss-guy, apparently…

It kills me that the fucking microwave is still there.

Yeah, you know this is definitely not a joke before we get to the end. Because Batman is definitely dead!

Until a guy says that Batman saved his wife from a mugging just last week.

Joker knows how handsome Batman is. That's why he was looking for those naked pictures.

So now Joker has someone not just referencing Batman or bringing up rumors, but talking about an actual encounter with for-real, swinging-around, totally alive Batman. And it seems to make him angry— until he waves it off, implying it might just be another guy. (And I mean, with all the kids Batsy's got around, maybe.)

He grimaces when the batsignal shines overhead, but again makes himself ignore it.

lol Is the white dog like a white rabbit? Knight Terrors: Poison Ivy also has a guy wearing a top hat with a white dog. I'm pretty sure that's not supposed to be Penguin because his shirt has shamrocks on it which feels more Jervisy… It won't be a shock if Mad Hatter has deeper involvement in these stories, but I didn't notice him in the Batman one so I dunno.

Once Joker gets in his apartment, we see flies. Lots of flies.

So back in the real world, Joker has been explicitly aware that Bruce Wayne is Batman since Snyder's run, but in this dream, he's back to separating them. Maybe this shift happened over the course of the dream, or maybe it's been since as early as the promotion conversation, when Joker didn't seem bothered by the mention of Bruce, but when Insomnia brought up Batman, Joker was quick to say he was dead. Either way, Joker's now acting like they're two totally different dudes, one a boring rich guy who Joker has no great interest in and never did, nosirree.

The news story is also interesting. Back near the beginning when Helen is explaining wtf their department actually does, it turns out to be, in a ludicrous roundabout way, related to accounting. So I'm guessing in Part 2, Johann gets called up to talk to Mr. Wayne about the mess… 👀

And Bruce Wayne is of little concern for someone who's gone up against Batman, now rotting in Joker's closet!!

Boy howdy.

This is an ominous chapter end for Joker. He wants to have some purpose outside of Batman, but 1) Batman is still obviously hanging over him no matter how much Joker tries to ignore him and 2) his efforts have thus far led him right back to where he was in his depression: rotting his brain with reality TV. Yeah, he has a job, but it means so little that it doesn't matter that he has no clue what he's doing. Yeah, his coworkers laugh at his jokes, but when they do it's because they're not taking him seriously at all. He's obviously harmed people, but they completely miss him as a threat. He's neutered!

So far, Joker's Knight Terror is a terrible dream about the stark way he sees life. You either get to be in endless magnificent rooftop fights with Batman, or you better find satisfaction in being an empty drone.

Putting this together with how TMWSL has been going and the Darwin Halliday stuff in Batman, it all feels like it's pointing to some change in direction for Joker in the future. I'm afraid I'm not going to like where it all ends up… but for now I'll keep enjoying Rosenberg's storytelling.

... Also hey is anyone at DC gonna write about where Joker got his fake eye? I know it doesn't matter but I keep wondering about it.

[adarkrainbow]

So... I have watched "The Last Bogatyr"! Sorry, "The Last Knight/The Last Warrior/The Last Hero". The 2017 movie.

Due to the recent world events, I had to pause away from anything related to Russian folklore - but I still will dip my fingers into it from time to time.

If you do not know about this movie, "The Last Warrior" is a 2017 Russian movie part of the "fairytale fantasy" category, and... it is one of the rare movies produced by the Russian branch of the Disney Company (in collaboration with the Russian company "Yellow, Black and White"). The title is actually weirdly translated because the whole focus on the story is on the "bogatyr" - a type of semi-historical semi-legendary character of Russian culture who could be best compared to the Knights of the Round Table in the Arthurian world. They are not knights in the Western sense of the world, though they do fill their role in the traditional fairytales as the heroic military warriors that kill monster and save princesses ; and merely calling them "heroes" is a bit too vast for the very specific thing they are. Anyway...

The Last Bogatyr is a typical "portal fantasy" type of story. In modern-day Russia (there's a reference to the President, and this made me grit my teeth, because fuck Putin), lives Ivan, a famous star-magician, professional medium and dedicated scammer, who poses as "Svetozar, the wizard of light". But one day, after fleeing from the goons of a person he ended up pissing off, Ivan finds himself teleported in "Belogoria", the world of Russian fairytales.

There he is welcomed by Dobrynya Nikitich, and discovers he is not an orphan as he always believed but the son of Ilya Muromets, send to another world as a baby. (Dobrynya and Ilya are two of the most famous bogatyr of legends) However he is soon imprisoned by Dobrynya's sorcerous wife, the witch-queen Varvara, and discovers that almost all of the supernatural beings of Belogoria have been hunted down and persecuted by Varvara's crusade against all things "evil". This forced the once great villains of the land to become heroes against the tyrannical oppresor, and as such Ivan (because of course, as the main hero he has to be called Ivan) is forced to team up with Koschei the Deathless and Baba-Yaga to subvert Varvara's evil plans. Other folktales character that join the party include The Frog Princess/Vasilisa the Wise, and the Vodianoy ; and the purpose of their quest is to find the legendary "Kladenets sword" (magical sword).

This movie is... weird. Not weird in a "cult movie" type of way, no, no. This movie definitively is Russian and feels Russian, but at the same time it has Disney smeared all over it. As in: the plot and character types of this movie are all the cliches and stereotypes of Disney live-action fantasy movies. If you just take Ivan's character here - he is just a recycled version of the Wizard of Oz from Disney's "Oz The Great and Powerful". Once you understand you are in a "typical Disney movie", you can easily guess and expect what is going to happen. (Except for the very end, which has a real twist. It is the post-credit scene, if I recall well, and oh boy I did NOT see that coming, that was good) So yes, if you are used to Disney movies, in the likes of Tangled or Pirates of the Caribbean or the like, you'll know exactly where this movie is going.

Despite being very generic in terms of plot and character handling, being a very Disneyified product, this movie has the great interest of showing how Disney would handle the Russian fairytales. It is not everyday you can say "I watched the Disney version of Baba-Yaga" or "I watched Disney's take on Vasilisa the Wise". Plus the movie does look pretty, I will not lie. On the other side, this is definitively a movie for kids and all audiences. It is a semi-humoristic movie, a fantasy-comedy mostly filled with jokes (but one that won't make you "laugh out loud", and not one I would call the funniest movie). There is no gore, no brutal violence, no adult jokes. The "softening" or "Disneyification" is especially seen by the handling of Koschei and Baba-Yaga, who lose the darkness, the horror and the morbid typically associated with them and become comical side-characters, fitting more your typical Disney cast of anti-heroes and funny sidekicks... But don't get me wrong, it does not mean they are done wrong. In fact, Baba-Yaga, Vasilisa, Koschei are without a doubt the BEST parts of his movie.

Because Ivan, the protagonist, is one of the most insufferable characters I have ever met. He is a bad man (morally speaking) as much as a bad character (writing speaking). He is a jerk that has nothing pleasant to him, his moments of "goodness", "kindness" and "heroism" are SO artifical and SO forced it feels out-of-character for him. I understand he is supposed to embody the archetype of "Ivan the Fool", and they do relie in some scenes on the fact he is indeed not a hero but a cowardly, idiotic jerk... But then in other scenes he suddenly becomes this great hero hidden underneath and this kind man that just looks like a pathetic idiot and... yeah I hate this character. If the movie had been all about Koschei and Baba-Yaga and Vasilisa as their own team, it would have been such a better and great movie. The villains are good, the side-characters are good - it is just the main protagonist that is... bleh.

I know that the movie was popular enough to get not one but TWO sequels. I might watch them one day - I heard they are better. As for this movie... What I'd say is that it is not an excellent movie, nor a bad one - depending on your own taste and preferences, it ranges from a "good but not great" movie to a "neutral/middle-ground/meh" movie. It is not groundbreaking or inventive, but it is pretty, and honestly, the real interest of watching this movie is to see how Disney handles Russian folktales. This is the reason I watched this movie, and the main if not only reason I would advise people to go check it out - it is the improbable and bizarre crossover of Russian media and Disney movies, it is a Russian Disney fairytale movie, uniting the beloved folklore of the Soviet world and the traditional movie-making of American culture, and as such it is a very... weird piece that one must at least know about.

(And the character of Varvara is SUCH a good character. I love how she is presented, the visuals, how she plays out in the plot. I don't know if she is inspired by any specific folktale character - from what I have seen around she was invented for the movie and while fitting the fairytale world is not meant to represent a specific folk-character? But that's a very cool character)

[myreyisbae]

Behind the Scenes stuff from the Moonlight (2007) dailies

For those without FB: Credit goes to the Moonlight reunion Facebook page

Watching dailies on the 55" flatscreen TV in the loft. On screen, Mick tussles with Martan in Josef's blown up office in "Sleeping Beauty." We watched dailies from "Fleur de Lis" to "Love Lasts Forever" and were just starting "The Mortal Cure" when time ran out. (Maybe next year?!?) Highlights from the dailies:

*Fleur de Lis - Alex pausing and apologizing during the restaurant scene with Morgan because his pants was making distracting noises. (!!)

*The Ringer - Mick vamping out when Hank Mottola dunks his head under water during their fight (scene was shot during the filming of "Fleur de Lis"). After the first head dunk, Alex is laughing; after the second dunk, he looks a bit nauseous, like water got up his nose; after the third dunk, he is SO ready for this sequence to be over. The first head dunk ended up in the final episode because in the other two, Mick's fleur-de-lis pendant fell into his face, ruining the shots.

*Sleeping Beauty - Mick is upset that Beth brought a cameraman to Josef's blown up office. Alex was so into Mick's sorrow and rage over Josef's presumed death that the first several takes had Mick hurling the F-word and Beth and her cameraman, and Alex losing Mick's American accent.

*Sleeping Beauty - Mick's fight with Martan in Josef's blown up office. The sequence was shot with Alex fighting Martan's stunt double or Martan fighting Alex's stunt double. The two actors never fought each other directly. That way, if an actor accidentally threw a punch that really connected, only a sunt man would get injured. ;-)

*Love Lasts Forever - Mick's unedited pushup, pull-up, boxing workout sequence is 11 minutes long.

*Love Lasts Forever - That scene where Mick overhears Josh and Beth exchanging I-Love-Yous? The full bit is a 5-minute-long super-closeup of Mick's face shot in slow motion.

*Love Lasts Forever - Tejada's goon fires some shots at Mick before Mick disarms him with prejudice. Alex waits until the director says "Cut" before saying that he was shot for real (one of the blanks zinged him). Cue crewmembers rushing up to surround him and put towels on his chest.

*Love Lasts Forever - Mick busts up Tejada's bar then puts the bite on Tejada. There is so much goodness in each individual shot of that sequence, as well as seeing how all the shots came together, that it's impossible to list them all. You just had to be there. :D

[go-go-devil]

Fanfic writer ask: 🎁🦈📚

🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share?

Here's a short segment from a Pathologic fic I just started writing a few days ago!

Clara paused. She assumed it may have been a prophetic vision, much the same as the ones she’d been granted since birth. Although hers were always panic-inducing warnings that manifested her thoughts like emerging plague clouds: saying the wrong thing to someone and incurring their wrath, failing to save her bound from the sand pest, forgetting an important task after being outrun by the unholy speed of time. Yet it was the death visions that were the worst of them all. 

Without warning she could be walking the lamplit streets only for her mind to gruesomely predict men hurling knives into her head, beating her to a bloody pulp, or even scorching her flesh with flames just a little farther down the road. Another time she imagined falling limp to the ground within the rotting innards of an infected house as a black, cold haze overtook her senses, to which her body pulsed with those pains as if it could remember shutting down in death.

Some of those visions even repeated, like the premonitions of those two goons who kidnapped Rubin and accosted her in the tunnels. So many variations of them pinning her against the wet, flesh-like walls, dealing blow after blow and snapping her fragile bones like twigs. 

Even if they were illusions, the ferocity of them still reduced her to tears each night…

🦈 Which character is the toughest to write?

In my Knock-Knock fic, House With No Door, I occasionally had trouble writing for the Lodger's father since that character literally doesn't appear in the game itself. To write him I basically had to take the two sentences of dialogue that reference him and build an oc out of it, then try my best to integrate him into the plot of the game. Overall, though, I do like my interpretation of him a lot!

Also in that very patho wip I just took a segment from above, there are several characters in it that I've never written for before: Lara, Aspity, Block, and Aglaya to be precise. While I do feel I at least have Lara and Block's voices and mannerisms down, I am slightly intimidated with getting Aspity and Aglaya's characters right since both are complex characters whom I don't wanna water-down (especially Aglaya since her scene's gonna be very intense and important to the narrative)

Granted my perfectionism ramps up when writing for patho characters since I only played the game once at the moment, so I'm afraid I missed some lore tidbits here and there by forgetting to complete an optional mission here and there

📚 Is there a fanfic or fanfic writer you recommend?

Two friends of mine are excellent fic authors who I recommend people check out on AO3!

solonggaybowser has written several really nice Hylics fanfics, particularly ones revolving around Wayne/Dedusmuln (and even the only Dedusmuln/Somsnosa fic I've seen yet) that are super cute and charming! At the moment he's also been writing some cool Pokemon fics too for Gens 5 and 8 characters

undeadarchivist has a boatload of very well-written Pathologic fics that I enjoy that tend to focus on trans and neurodivergent hc's for several of the characters (particularly Daniil and Artemy). His gen fics are some of the best I've ever read, and I'm sure his more explicit fics are of a similar high quality (sorry I'm too sex-repulsed to read those lol)

[wanderrealms]

Sunday morning, too early to rise and I'm too awake to sleep. I stare at the cracks in the ceiling thinking of the difference in portrayal of violence in H. Bedford-Jones The Mardi Gras Mystery and Richard Morgan The Steel Remains. A pulp fiction mystery from the 20s and a grimdark fantasy from 2008. The only connection is that I've read and have thoughts on them.

I put them under a keep reading because the grimdark fantasy example is a bit brutal.

"No words passed. Staring at the five men, then at Gramont, the adenoidal mechanic gulped once—and like a flash acted. He ducked low, and fired from his pocket. Gramont fired at the same instant, and the heavy bullet, catching Charlie the Goog squarely in the chest, hurled his body half across the room...

Poor Charlie the Goog lay dead on the floor—a touch of heroic tragedy in his last desperate action; the one great action of his life, possibly. He had realized that it meant doom yet he had done what he could."

The Mardi Gras Mystery, by H. Bedford-jones, 1921

I removed the dialogue and text that didn't concern Charlie the Goog's death. Character names were a bit different 104 years ago.

"Ringil’s third attacker flinched back, hampered by his gutted comrade. He had an axe and a club, but didn’t seem to know quite what to do with either. He was young, no older than seventeen or eighteen, and he looked sick with the sudden fear of combat. Ringil darted forward, boot on the dying man’s chest to close the gap, put a straight thrust into the youth’s throat and watched his face contort as he tried to cope with the pain. The blood rushed out, drenched his clothes dark from neck to waist. Then, as if the weight of all that soaking cloth was pulling him down, he sank gracefully to the floor. He was still clutching the weapons he had never got around to using. His gaze clawed upward after Ringil’s face; his mouth worked for words.

Ringil was already turning away."

The Steel Remains (A Land Fit for Heroes series) by Richard Morgan, 2008

I'm not sure why I think about these two minor character deaths in particular. They a different genre (pulp mystery adventure and grimdark fantasy), and have 87 years between them. The main connection is they're stories with more focus on action that emotion.

Both are fight scenes where the MC kills a hired fighter of a bigger villain, but the pacing is very different. The 20s pulp one has a few words about the gun and heavy bullet and Charlie the Good getting hit.

The unnamed 17-18 year old's death is written out detail by detail, in a slow to read thick paragraph. The reader also get description about the 17-18 year old's facial expressions and his emotions. There isn't much about Ringil's emotions about, when I first read it I expected Ringil to think about young lives being cut short before they even began and I was surprised when there was nothing, but that probably makes sense of Ringil.

The main character of Mardi Gras Mystery expresses regret in a later chapter for shooting Charlie the Good. And in the second paragraph about Charlie the Goods death the story goes into the Narrator's point of view who mentions that it was a great action, even heroic. From the point of view of a modern reader that was interesting. I don't think I've seen an author jump to Narrator to say "the servant died a heroic death, he was loyal, only his loyalty was to a master who had to be felled".

I think it's that difference that stuck to my mind, the grimdark fantasy doesn't mourn a 17-18 who turned sick at the thought of battle, but 1920s pulp paused to mention a goon did a heroic act.

[brainmuncher]

(Warnings for death and shootouts :>)

Finally, after weeks of the family’s hovering, Tim was allowed to go out as Red Robin again. Disappearing for three days to get married and heal in his strange husband's arms was enough to make them all panic… which is interesting. Nonetheless, after huffing that he was fine and dodging questions for what seemed like forever, Tim found a reason to slip out again.

Almost immediately he noticed that that line in the marriage contract saying ‘His body will be healed with care of in every way’ included things he hadn’t considered before. And by that, he means that he isn’t running out of breath… at all. Normally grappling after a while can seriously take it out on your body. Subjecting yourself to that amount of force for a long period does that to a guy. Or well, it did at least. 

With a shrug, Red Robin was one of the first on the scene. Red Hood had already been there for a couple of minutes as Crime Alley wasn’t that far from where they were. Luckily the elder didn’t say anything about the early arrival. Instead, he nodded his head at where a group of Black masks and Two faces goons were fighting each other hand to hand.

“You good to grab those idiots? I’ve got the gunners behind that truck with tetanus in the making,” Hood confirmed, already pulling out his gun to join the shootout on the other side.

“Yeah I’ve got it,” Red Robin confirmed, sending them both on their way.

As soon as they both went off in different directions Red could tell that these goons were dumber than he’d thought. Between the seven men, it was clear that most of them had a gun or knife on them… they just weren’t using them. Instead, they were just punching and trying to trip one another. Either they were just that confident, or they forgot what they even had. 

With a roll of his eyes, Red joined the fray, showing what it actually means to fight hand to hand. It became clear real quick another reason why the supposedly two groups had been going easy on each other… they had no training. Like dominoes Red Robin was able to subdue the pile of now groaning goons.

It was so easy to do that he forgot about the other groups of shootouts.

“RED ROBIN!”

Let it be known that Jason Todd wasn’t a touchy-feely kind of guy. Yeah sure, he’d maybe been worried when Tim screwed off for a couple of days but he didn’t lose his crap like Dickface did. So he wasn’t worried at all when Red Robin joined him in controlling a shootout on the docks. It’s not like it's the guy’s first rodeo. Sure he recovered from a drug cocktail that should’ve been deadly and came back miraculously healed and all but… yeah it's fine.

So he’s not worried. Not worried at all. He shoots some goon in the chest just to prove it to himself. The guy goes down like a sack of flour, not even bothering to get back up. Another goon notices the one that fell, getting red in the face. With a yell, he gave an order to someone behind Jason.

But that's where Red Robin is… so what-

With a panic that Jason would never admit to in a million years, he turns to see what's happening. An ominous red dot is on Tim's head, making Jason's stomach drop.

“RED ROBIN!”

He screams out but it's already too late. Somewhere in the sea of gunshots around him, there is one that signals the hole suddenly in RR’s head. He falls limply to the ground, in a not-too-unfamiliar way to the guy Jason shot earlier. 

For the first time in a long time, everything goes green.

It all becomes a blur of gunshots and screams. There's absolutely nothing that can calm him down. Vaguely he can hear a commotion on coms, but then it cuts off abruptly when Hood throws his helmet off his head. An explosion rings out in his ears… and he’s only slightly aware that he shot his helmet to blow up a crowd. 

But that’s okay because nothing is okay because Red Robin dropping to the ground replays in his head and he can’t-

“Hood!”

All the air sucks out of his lungs as he turns to the voice. For a moment everything pauses… and he realizes that it's quiet because everyone is dead. He… He really killed them…

“Hood, what happened?” The voice asks again, making him concentrate on who it's coming from.

As he focuses he feels the world tilt at his feet.

Red Robin stands in front of him with a worried frown. There's blood on his suit but otherwise, he looks fine. Reaching out to him, Jason finds the hole where the bullet pierced his head… but there's no wound… he’s….

“What the fuck,” Jason says in a strangled tone.

Finders Keepers

"Do not forget that the new groundskeeper is scheduled to arrive today at noon. I expect everyone to be courteous and to clean up their nighttime rubbish before his arrival," Alfred reminds them as they struggle to sit through breakfast.

Last night's patrol was brutal, and everyone was a bit bruised up and sore, not to mention that most only got an hour or so of sleep.

They collectively groan- except for Bruce and Damian, but neither count as full humans anyway, no matter what their DNA says otherwise.

Tim, in particular, is rubbing his hands down his face. "But Alfred, today's my only day off for the next six weeks!"

"I fail to see how your poor time management will change the outcome of doing your chores, Master Tim," The butler states. Tim cowards instantly at the sight of that arched brow on his grandfather's face and melts into his seat.

Pleased, Alfred taps his wristwatch. "You all have three hours. Better get to it."

They scatter. Bruce runs to his office to clean up all his paperwork, knowing some purchases were not Wayne Industries. Jason hits the multiple garages to ensure nothing bat-related is thrown in the toolboxes.

Dick is swinging by the handlers, taping his hands along the beams and pulling out hidden gadgets. Cass and Duke are walking on the roofs, double-checking the boobytraps.

Steph and Damian have offered to patrol the Batcave and the connecting tunnels to ensure the motion sensors are active.

Tim is told to walk along the property and make sure no surprise holes will appear. Bruce fell into the cave system when he was young, so the new groundskeeper might have the same fate. It's the more leisurely job since Bruce obsessively checks since it happened, but they all know Tim can barely keep his eyes open.

Tim doesn't mind because he must pat his bo staff on the ground, stomping his foot ever so often and scanning the environment with his wrist computer. He doesn't even bother to change out of his pajamas- an old pair of sweats and a baggy t-shirt Kon lent him when he once slept over and never returned. It's mostly just a walk, but it feels like an entirety to his sleep-deprived mind.

His eyelids are heavier than usual, every blink feels like a bag of sand, and he still has to check at least three-thirds of the Wayne Manor grounds.

He is wandering towards the east side of the property when he finds a very convenient bush shaped perfectly to block the sun and offer him a tiny nooch to snuggle into.

He glances back at the house and then at the time on his wrist computer. He has two hours and twenty minutes before the groundskeeper arrives.

"One short nap," Tim mutters, getting on his hands and knees to crawl into the bush. He twists to lie on his back, using his jacket as a pillow. His whole body fits inside, so Alfred will likely not catch him. The scrub is soft, and Tim relaxes into his protective shade. "I'll get up in a bit."

The wind blowing through the trees and the bushes around him lures him to sleep.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey"

A voice cuts through his dream of jumping over the city, chasing after his family but maskless. They weren't running around the roofs fighting a good fight; the Waynes in his dream were just spending time together. Laughing. Goodnaturely teasing.

It's wonderful.

It's everything he's ever wanted.

It's slowly disappearing as he is coming back to consciousness.

Tim groans, trying to roll over and return to the dream, but the voice speaks again. "Hey, man, you can't sleep here."

A hand clamps on his shoulder, giving him a gentle shake. Tim mutters, weakly swapping it away. "No. No. No."

"Come one, man, I can't have the big boss see you. It's my first day, and I don't want to get fired because I let some guy sleep in his yard." The voice continues, sounding pleasing and guilty.

Tim whimpers, rubbing his face against the cold hard ground. "No. No. No. Please, I just want to sleep. I'm not hurting anybody."

"Ancients....okay. Okay. Listen, I will let you sleep a little longer while I work. I'll finish mowing the yards and trim all the bushes. That should be at least five hours. I must move you if you're still here when I return."

Tim doesn't answer, too busy slipping back into his sleep as a hand gently runs through his hair. He snuggles into the warm palm with a sigh.

Someone gulps. "I'm in trouble, aren't I?"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tim snaps his eyes open to see that everything is pitch dark. Oh crude!

How long has he been asleep? What time is it? Was Alfred going to kill him!? What was he thinking?

Of course, Alfred would kill him, and unlike Jason or Damiman, the elder would not fail. In fact, from what Tim could make out in the darkness, a man was standing over him wearing white gloves.

He found me! Tim thinks historically. I didn't even have time to run!

The white gloves move closer as if they were going to touch him. He leaps up with a scream, and a man falls over.

"Woah! Woah! Hey, it's okay, I'm not a cop!" The stranger- not Alfred- shouts. Tim pauses, then lets out a louder scream. The man rushes forward to slam his hands against Tim's mouth.

He glances frantically at the manor- it's too far away to see anyone since Tim chose to nap at the very edge of the vast land Bruce's ancestors purchased.- before hissing. "Could you keep it down? Look, I let you sleep long enough; you must move."

Tim blinks owlish at him. His mind is fuzzy- shit, was he hit with something last night? He couldn't remember.- but he thinks he knows him.

Dark Hair.

Blue Eyes.

Pretty facial features.

Oh, it's one of his brothers. Dick? Yeah, it's Dick. Has to be. Tim is sure. He can't think clearly now, but he knows his eldest brother. This guy has the same color eyes. It's him.

Does Dick know he is Tim's brother? Does he know who he is?

"Dick," He tells the man in jeans overalls, just in case he forgets his name. His brother frowns.

"I know. I hate to do it, okay? But you can't sleep here."

"I can't?"

"No, dude."

"Where can I sleep?"

Dick sighs. "I think there is a shelter that-"

"Take me home."

Dick pauses, taken aback. "What?"

Tim leans forward, resting his head on his brother's shoulder. "I'm tired. I want to go home."

"Where do you live? Is there someone I can contact for you?" Dick asks in high pitched voice, seemingly uncomfortable by Tim's closeness but too bad. Tim never gets enough hugs, so he must deal with it because he wants hugs now.

"No, I want to go home with you!" He whines, and the world starts to spin. Quickly closing his eyes against the nausea, Tim tries to hide further into Dick's shoulder. "Take me home with you."

Dick is quiet for a long moment before he slumps. Carefully, he reaches up to pet Tim's hair, and it's so comforting that he almost falls back to sleep. "I'm going to regret this, but something in my core tells me to do what you say. You wouldn't happen to know a Clockwork, would you?"

Tim shakes his head.

"Right. Okay, taking a homeless stranger I found in the Waynor Manor bushes. Seems on-brand to me. Let's go."

Tim follows.

Who was he following? He doesn't remember, but when he climbs into a van with the words "Phantom Groundskeeping," he doesn't feel worried.

In fact, once he's buckled in, head leaning against the window and pulling his legs up to his chest, he feels oddly protected. The driver of the van is also beautiful.

Like wow. Talk about a work of art.

"I love you," He tells the man, who laughs, flickering blue sad eyes at him.

"Thanks. Take a nap. I think you should sleep off whatever your on and then I can get you some help."

"Do you love me too?"

"....sure. Go to sleep now."

"Will I die?"

"What?"

Tim can feel the word fading away, which is terrible; he knows it is but can't remember why. He just knows that when it disappears, he'll never wake up again. He tells the stranger as such, voice just barely above a whisper.

Glowing green eyes snap to him in alarm, and a small breath of blue leaves the stranger's mouth. Tim thinks he's slowly gaining a hint of horror, but his body begs him to sleep.

Tim blinks once, then twice, as the stranger's mouth opens and closes before he snaps his eyes to the road. "What a time to go mad."

The diver's grip on his steering wheel tightens, but Tim can barely keep his eyes open, so he can't see the gorgeous stranger's face as he whispers. "No. I won't let you die. Just....just sleep, okay? I'll figure it out."

Tim does.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Crap!" Jason yells, running up the stairs from the Batcave. In his hand are the test results for the standard toxicity screening they all undergo whenever they fight someone who even remotely deals with drugs.

Everyone was too tired to look at them properly, which means they all missed that Tim's blood was covered in what looked like a blend of Poison Ivy's love pollen and some kind of sleep-inducing strain.

Tim is out there, somewhere tripping balls or cuddling up to a stranger or unconscious, slowly slipping into a coma. They all thought he bailed on his work and deserved a day off so no one bothered to go after him.

Now Tim could be dead.

He rounds the large hall, his stomping footsteps barely covering the sounds of Alfred's smooth voice.

"It seems the groundskeeper is asking for a week off already. He just got married and-"

"Crap! Crap! Crap! Bruce!" He shouts, slamming the door of his dad's office open. His grandfather and father both turn sharply to him, and neither misses the paper that Jason throws. Their eyes widen in horror when they read what's on the report. "We need to find Tim!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jazz wakes to find a half-dressed stranger curled around Danny, a ghost contract with drying blood on the ground, and a hastily made banner that reads "Happy Elopement!" thrown on the wall.

The living room looks like a confetti bomb went off in it. Did she miss a party being hosted in her own house? While sleeping in the room next door?

Johnny- her ex and surprisingly good friend after he stop bothering her brother- is sitting cross-legged, eyes glued on the TV.

"What. The. Fuck." Jazz asks, walking over to pour herself a cup of coffee.

"Morning," Johnny replies without so much as turning around. Since Jazz helped plan his and Kitty's wedding, the ghost becomes a brother to the Fentons. "Danny eloped."

"I figured as much by the banner." She mutters, walking over to the couch his brother and her new brother-in-law occupy. She stares at the stranger. He looked....familiar?

"Yeah, don't know all the details, but I guess his hubby was dying, so Danny pulled a Ghost King contract out of his ass and saved him by passing on his healing factor after they were hitched," Johnny says. Jazz takes a sip of her coffee. "I think he thinks he can divorce him or something. But till death due us part doesn't apply to Halfas. They're married forever, even in life or death."

"Shit." Jazz sighs. "Danny got himself into another situation. And he was doing so well recently, too. Became a groundskeeper for the Waynes and everything."

"Waynes pay well?"

"Danny could have paid off my student loans in four paychecks."

"Damn." Johnny whistles. Just then, Kitty floats through the wall wearing a red bathing robe. Jazz will never get used to the fact ghosts could look so human in the morning, with their messy hair and dazed expression. "Morning, babe."

"Morning," Kitty mumbles, leaning down to kiss Johnny. She glances at Danny and smiles. "They're so cute. I'm so happy Danny found his Core Mate."

"Core Mate?" Jazz asks.

"Like a soulmate but more dead," Kitty explains. "They are scarce to find, but once your core finds what it wants, it's fated. That's probably why Danny married so quickly, even if it was to save a life he normally wouldn't have."

Jazz looks back at the boy wrapped around in Danny's arms. Her brother is holding him like he's the most precious thing in either world, even in his sleep, and she knows that no matter what she or anyone says, he's not going to give up- wait a minute.

The stranger moves slightly in his sleep, snuggling up against Danny more, and his hair falls out of his face.

Shit.

"That's Tim Drake. Danny stole away Tim Drake." She deadpans. "Danny went over to cut Bruce Wayne's yard and returned with his son to elop with."

"In one afternoon? I'm impressed." Johnny laughs. "He really said all services included."

"Don't be gross, Johnny," Kitty scolds, but she's smiling. Jazz just shakes her head, reaching down for the contract. She may as well read what kind of dead-brain idea her baby brother got involved with this time.

[adamwatchesmovies]

Skyscraper (1996)

I might feel bad for the late Anna Nicole Smith - for everyone in Skyscraper - if they weren’t so terrible in the film. This inept Die Hard clone can't develop credible villains or heroes, deliver thrilling action scenes or make you forget that you’ve seen this story done time and time again. The only thing it does “well” is cram in scenes of Anna Nicole Smith taking off her clothes. The film's over-the-top softcore sensibilities are so jaw-droppingly bad it becomes a riot.

Helicopter pilot Carrie Wink (Smith) has the unfortunate luck of transporting ruthless South African criminal mastermind Fairfax (Charles M. Huber) to the Zitex building. Inside the 86-floor high-tech skyscraper is the last electronic device he needs for his master plan. His goons take over the security desk and take everyone inside hostage. While Carrie’s police officer husband, Gordon (Richard Steinmetz), pieces together what’s going on, it’s up to the lone heroine to save the day.

If you had any doubts about it, director Raymond Martino wastes no time confirming that indeed, Anna Nicole Smith was cast so she could show off her 36DD bust. As our star showers herself clean, she takes extra care to always point her chest towards the glass door. The scene is so long and gratuitous that you’re shocked when it’s followed by a prolonged sex scene with her husband. Most R-rated movies with nudity in them would require you to stop and rewind a couple of times for you to get your business over and done with. Not Skyscraper. It gets downright awkward, and the picture’s just getting started. You think this is as much of Smith in her birthday suit as we’re going to get. After all, once the plot gets started, she’s inside the titular skyscraper. It’s not like she would pause her rescue mission to take ANOTHER shower. The way the film gets her naked again is much more creative. She thinks back to the time she learned to shoot a gun (a convenient way to prove to the audience that she will be able to handle the situation). It was a romantic evening out in the country… that culminated in a lot of lovemaking on a picnic blanket. It’s embarrassing but not as uncomfortable as the third instance of nipples getting exposed: an attempted rape scene that is only there so Carrie can fumble around in a nearby drawer, grab a letter opener and stab her aggressor in the dick. Genital mutilation is the real reason for that scene because if all writers William Applegate Jr. and John Larrabee wanted was to show Smith topless again, they would’ve had her “seduce” the terrorist. Except falling prey to her “charms” wouldn’t deserve the punishment of castration so they had to get “creative”. It’s as classy as an all-nude strip club.

But enough of that. What about the rest of the movie? Well, it’s Die Hard, but bad. There’s an attempt to make Fairfax seem like a criminal mastermind who thinks of everything but since the writers are idiots, the best way they could convey this was to make him quote Shakespeare over and over. His minions are completely interchangeable. At best, you might "recognize" individuals as "the guy who always wears sunglasses" or as "the one whose plunging neckline rivals our voluptuous heroine". They’re not the least bit threatening because frankly, their plan sucks. In Die Hard, the Nakatomi Plaza was nearly deserted because it was Christmas Eve and the place was still under construction. This story takes place in broad daylight on a Saturday evening. There are so many people in the building the criminals are still trying to round up hostages an hour into the movie. Even when they manage to confront Carrie, they couldn’t shoot the broad side of a bar (to be fair, neither could she).

None of the performers could be called good and if I had to single out someone as the worst, I’d be tempted to say it’s Smith. Instead, I’m going to pick on a little kid. What’s the actor’s name? I don’t know but he’s as convincing as a $3 bill. The boy roams the building's corridors like a 2-year-old and the actor must be at least 12. However old he may be, he’s too grown-up to be as stupid as he is. When his mother is gunned down, you begin thinking about how many years of therapy he’s going to go through… but don’t worry, this movie’s got that awkward question covered in a bit of shoddy last-minute writing.

Uncomfortable attempted rape scene aside, Skyscraper offers many unintentional laughs. Everyone in front of or behind the camera is so incompetent you’ll have a gas taking potshots at nearly every aspect of this film. Even making up fake titles for it is fun. If you’re wondering, my choice would be “Die HarDD”. With Anna Nicole Smith showing off her breasts as much as she does here, it feels all too appropriate. (November 26, 2021)

[howyoutalktostrangers]

So,

Four shows down, four to go.

In reflecting on the organized chaos of last week, during which we saw record-breaking crowds attend the Shawnigan Players production of "All's Well That Ends Well", I can't help but feel like I'm deciphering a dream, or maybe a hallucination. Becoming a character on stage is certainly akin to being in some sort of altered state, and at times it's hard to decide whether you experienced something as an actor or as the character now operating in your brainspace.

The audience has brought an additional electricity to our collective endeavour, and sometimes I feel like I'm channeling raw emotional energy from places left unexplored during ordinary life. I scream, I cry, I kiss, I fight. My favourite moment came on Friday (or was it Saturday?) when I paused for a moment before delivering a particularly funny line, only to have the audience burst into laughter at my facial expression alone. By the time I'd milked it for an additional few seconds it felt like the line was unnecessary, because I'd already communicated my comedic anguish through silence.

There's a number of unique challenges with this show, like the fact that it's double-cast (I have to be bullied by two kings of different temperaments and seduce two young virgins of radically disparate heights). Sometimes we have a real baby on stage, sometimes we have a doll. And during the matinee performances, as the blazing sun bakes our black stage, I have to accomplish a certain level of emotional realism while simultaneously blinking away forehead sweat. But maybe the most challenging part is my final scene pivot from boy to man, where I go from screaming dramatically that my accuser is "a common whore to the camp" to being earnestly transfixed by my true love within the space of a single minute.

We performed over eight hours of live theatre last week, but my memory is drawn to moments that couldn't have lasted more than a few seconds — the time I pronounced "thoughts" as "thotes", the time my prop sword bent at a 90-degree angle in the middle of a battle scene, and two particular occasions when dropped lines led to pregnant pauses. It's hard not to keep an inventory of my missteps, and at times I find myself letting them overshadow the overwhelmingly positive response we've been receiving from the audience.

If I'm being honest, I'm feeling a low level of dread about our final performance on Sunday — I definitely don't want this to be over. After months of rehearsals, making recordings of my lines, trying on costumes and stressing over blocking and meeting new people, we finally have this show dialled. It's profound in a way I never fully comprehended until recently, and each show a new brilliant witticism or thematic element makes itself apparent. I'm deeply, intensely proud of what we're doing and I don't want it to pass into memory.

I'm not ready yet!

This is why theatre is such a unique art form. It's temporary. Even if you record the performance (which we did), it will never adequately capture the magic of what's happening in the moment. I feel like a corny high school drama teacher when I assert this, but I believe it 100%. Lately I've been comparing it to being a graffiti artist who abruptly whitewashes his work the moment it's complete. The fact that its so ephemeral is what makes it superior to telling stories through film and TV, what makes it hypnotic and unique and insane.

It says something about life itself, really.

All of this that's happening right now? It will never happen again. The Literary Goon

[death-or-exile]

Partner and I rewatched The Dark Knight the other night. For years, I've been of the opinion that it's a fine movie, but hasn't aged as well as folks would like it to have, and based on this rewatch, I maintain my position.

We paused the movie like a dozen times to discuss acting choices, line delivery, scenes that made no sense or seemed like they could have been written another way and so an almost three hour long movie (which honestly started to drag a bit at the end there) ended up taking closer to four. But it was fun just to hash it out and get into the nitty gritty, especially since it has been probably a decade since I saw that movie last. In the intervening years, my partner was in Chicago for a work trip at one point and visited a ton of the locations featured, so he had lots to say about some of these places IRL -- like one of the bars they filmed in seems to cater specifically to TDK tourism, and the scene where Harvey comes out as Batman at a press conference is actually just a corner of the lobby of a pretty boring, small hotel, haha. I doubt this is a hot take anymore, but Heath Ledger's Joker performance is still kinda lacking for me, personally; with all respect to him, it just ain't my Joker.

With regards to my favorite lil guy, even though it is literally just a few minutes on screen, I really love Scarecrow's cameo at the beginning. It one thousand percent stands to reason that after having been heavily dosed by his own shit, completely restrained while he comes down, breaking out of Arkham on a police horse Tim Sale style and getting tazed in the face, he'd retreat to god knows where and start over from square one. Scarecrow selling drugs in one form or another is totally a thing he does in the comics, time and again, and the fact that he's selling to the mob (specifically a prevalent mob leader that we see multiple times throughout the movie) indicates to me that he must not be doing too badly for himself. Honestly, even though we see him presumably being left for arrest in the parking deck, on this rewatch it occurred to me that in the scene with The Joker approaching Maroni and Gambol and The Chechen and all the other mob bosses while they're in a video conference with Lau....like I kind of half expect to see Scarecrow and a couple of goons in the background, just being there -- It wouldn't even need a speaking role or anything, really, but idk I can just imagine him having eluded authorities after he's left in that parking deck (as one does when a Batman villain) and cropping back up like a weed. As a sidenote, god, can you imagine him in a sentencing hearing, when he IS arrested? Like a role reversal of the scene with Zsaz in Batman Begins? Ugh that would be so delicious. This isn't even taking into consideration the whole "exile or death" thing in Rises. I just love imagining how someone who worked within and manipulated the system for years might attempt to gain an advantage when in his position.

Anyway, that's enough rambling for now, just some thoughts I wanted to get out of my brain!

[quickdeaths]

"I... mm." Shinobu took another sip of her water as she looked away. Anzu was tracking blood all over Sonia's floor. How rude of her, and how unbecoming of a girl who had always taken such great pains to look her best. "I suppose I just feel as though I'm doing as anyone would do. Er, anyone with any sort of empathy, that is. Not exactly in like with the Byakuya Togami types, or the Future Foundation goons who take every opportunity to vent their anger by making others feel worthless or weak."

Well, it wasn't like empathy was Shinobu's strongest emotion anyway. All things considered, they were rather new to it. Sometimes it felt authentic, and other times it felt forced, as though they were just going through the motions, hoping that repetition would make it real. Deep in her core, she was still that sharp, misanthropic, violent person - the person who had turned Byakuya Togami's nose into a scene from a horror film, and attempted to crack a rib or two in the process. An ongoing process, perhaps, to be better.

"Though, please don't mistake my hesitation to accept any praise as reflecting upon you in any way, Miss Nevermind. It does make me happy to know that you think at least some measure of positive thoughts in my direction." More than happy, really, especially given the frayed, tangled knot of emotions currently working its way through her chest. Discerning the specifics would, of course, have to wait, but for now, at least she could safely say that she wanted to be someone important to Sonia in some way. Maybe that had always been true, in which case, why had she been so desperate to push her away, once?

Sonia's explanation about why she thought as she did was, of course, reasonable - exactly as Shinobu had expected, though having expected it did little to keep it from stinging. On some level she could empathize with the boy on screen. To admit the truth would be inviting change, and what if he didn't want anything to change? What if he preferred to keep things as they were, even if only for a moment more, even knowing that it would come eventually. In her own case... Well, for whatever justifications she could conjure, Shinobu could admit it was her own selfishness that drove the deceit. They wished to continue at her side, caring for her, supporting her, and there was no doing that if she never wanted them around again. So selfish of them.

"No, I understand," she murmured with a soft shrug, before standing and moving over to the television. "It must be frustrating. I'm sorry." After pulling out the DVD and placing it in its case, Shinobu hesitated to start the next one. It was burning in her chest, now, the desire to bring up Novoselic, in light of the conversation. If she couldn't be honest about everything, she could at least be honest about that much, and yet it seemed as though it would be a conversation destined for interruption. Wasn't it better, then, to wait a short while longer?

After the moment of pause and introspection, Shinobu shook it off and started the next film, then returned to her seat. "I wouldn't want to draw your attention away from the cats when they still might require assistance," she mumbled, "but when things have settled down, there's something I'd like to talk to you about, Miss Nevermind." At first, they were content to leave it at that, but then they realized it could be misconstrued, or otherwise taken in a poor light. "Ah... it's nothing to concern yourself with. It's just about my schedule, going forward." Tilting her head, she shifted her gaze over towards the cats. "Though, there's no reason to rush on my account."

Sonia shook her head as she set the steaming mug of tea down on the bedside table. "You do not give yourself enough credit," She replied, watching the three newborn kittens vie for a free nipple. Their eyes closed and fumbling about, they wanted to fight over only two until Sonia reached to guide the black one to an open source of sustenance. "It's not a guarantee that Miss Kitty, in this state with-" She paused, gently running her hand over the mother cat's belly to be greeted with a yowl in return. "kittens still left to be born, would have had the energy and focus to ensure the safe birth of each kitten. So yes, you did save a life today and you have saved countless others from the wretched actions committed by myself and my friends." The world hailed the Future Foundations as heroes, so why didn't Yaguchi feel the same sense of pride?

She brought her mug to her lips, nodding in approval at both the tea she'd made and how the kittens sweetly snuggled against their mother as she moved to push out the next member of the brood: a tuxedo kitten, with similar markings as her. The feline family was blissfully unaware of the drama playing out on-screen. Probably for the better, as the elder sister rushed away from the ball in distress. "I do not wish to condone violence of any sort, not anymore," She murmured, both hands clasping the mug as the steam rose. A comfort against her skin, when she was so accustomed to saltwater air and ocean breezes. It reminded Sonia of home, the home she wanted to remember and not the blood-soaked one that echoed screams, explosions, and gunshots. Just good tea, often with a view of a garden, or a snow-covered mountainside, or a vast meadow that stretched for kilometers on end.  "But it is a pity if that is the only way one might comprehend communication. It just goes to show that devaluing women is a choice that evokes remorse when it goes wrong for them. Even if the remorse is focused wholly on cosmetic imperfections."

Her own remorse extended beyond that, but Sonia couldn't deny she was, perhaps, a bit vain where that was concerned. Junko Enoshima had been terribly accurate when understanding what would hurt each of them the most, emphasis on 'terribly.' She briefly brought a hand to her belly: even beneath the cotton of her pajama top, she could feel the faint outline of the scars there. Obsessed with retaining her most redeeming feature by using her own leader's beauty at Junko's urging, and it had left her marred, grotesque, for anyone who even dared to see her bare. At least Gundham had found her revolting due to his memories of their time as Remnants and not the hideous flesh she sported, but Sonia was convinced he was the exception, not the norm.

But while the on-screen heroine grieved for the lie she'd been unknowingly fed, Yaguchi shared her prediction for the end of the film. It wasn't hard to see what would happen, particularly once she'd delivered a moving poem in front of her entire class. "I suppose they will," Sonia mused. Maybe when she was younger, she would've found all of this rather touching. Instead it felt tedious somehow, as if they were wasting time with the deal and resulting deceit. "I think it cannot be helped that their meeting began with an unsavory negotiation," Sonia replied, taking another sip of tea as Miss Kitty began to strain again. If Sonia had to guess, there was one final kitten on the way. "But the misstep here was when the boy didn't tell her as soon as he truly felt real feelings for her what happened, that his motives had changed and it would be left to her to decide how to proceed but that he'd understand if she felt taken advantage of. It wouldn't have been a lie then, and she wouldn't have had to found out in such a horrible way, from someone she truly despises."

Another pause, another sip of tea. "It isn't the paying for dates part, I think, that is so objectionable," She continued. "But the fact that he lied about it for so long. If only he'd been more honest with her from the beginning, but then again, the plot of the film would be much less interesting. Real life would be better with the absence of unnecessary drama and pain. Considering I have caused so much of it, I do not wish for any in my life again: just honesty and truth, and refraining from concealing both out of respect for my 'sanity,' whatever that means."

She set her mug down with an abnormally loud clatter. She spoke less of romance and more of how the Future Foundation treated her, but the practice of lies and kept secrets were something Sonia equated to the organization far more than anything else. And not Yaguchi specifically, she knew as she exhaled deeply. The woman was a cog in a much larger machine and didn't deserve Sonia's frustration taken out on her. "Sorry, that wasn't meant to be targeted to you," She apologized, nodding to the stack of DVDs. "Should we watch the next one? About the cartoon witch and her black cat. They are both very cute."

[myfunnylittlebrain]

Let's talk about Shang-Chi and His Reversible Jacket

Spoilers for Marvel's Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings are below the line.

In Vanity Fair's YouTube video "Notes on a Scene", Director Destin Daniel Cretton gave his breakdown of the now-iconic Bus Fight Scene in the movie. Destin gave his thoughts and revealed the processes of how they shot this absolutely insane fight scene. (And in my opinion, the best fight scene in all of the MCU.)

At the 4:20 mark, Destin explained the scene where Shaun used his jacket to fight off the goons, giving homage to Jackie Chan's fighting style. Destin was particularly emphasizing that Shaun's gray/red jacket was actually reversible.

Shown here as Destin pauses the moment where Shaun's jacket turned inside out, showing its Mustard Yellow and Blue inner lining. Destin then marks the jacket as "reversible".

After that fight scene and throughout the movie, Shang-Chi started wearing the jacket in its reverse side.

Why would Destin point this out in this breakdown video? In truth, I think not everyone, if no one, who watched the movie could have noticed that the jacket had that feature. Destin and the costume department might have made that conscious choice for a reason.

The reversible jacket is a subtle representation of Shang-Chi's double life and his character development.

The Gray/Red side represented Shaun's identity, the side that he wanted everyone to see. The mild-mannered, sweet, and carefree Chinese Immigrant who had no real direction in life besides parking cars for a living and hanging out with his best friend since high school (with an equally aimless life), Katy Chen. This was the identity he lived and wore for ten years.

However, he has another identity as Shang-Chi; represented by the Yellow/Blue side of his jacket. The Master of Kung Fu, a trained assassin at the tender age of 14, and would-be heir to his father's Ten Rings (both the magical artifacts and the organization). But this identity wasn't what he wanted to be so he ran away and kept this identity hidden.

Eventually, his past came back to hunt and haunt him.

When the bus fight scene happened, after the goon forcefully pushed Katy, Shang-Chi's other side came out in retaliation and all hell broke loose. While he was fending off the bad guys, we are given a peek of the reverse side of his jacket as Shaun used it as a defensive.

Notice how he shrugged his jacket after the first act of the fight?

It's like he's saying, "Okay, this fight is over. I'm going back to being Shaun now."

However, this revelation would not escape Katy, who is by now contemplating if her relationship with this dude she considers her best friend was potentially a lie.

"Holy shit! Who are you?"

Shaun's face fell a bit, realizing that their ten years of friendship could suddenly go down the drain.

And of course, in true MCU fashion, Razor Fist had to show up to make things more difficult for Shaun to handle. Thankfully, Katy was there to help him out as they instinctively work together as a team.

After the bus fight scene, Shaun hurries back to his garage apartment to pack up and fly off to Macau to warn his sister. Katy followed him, she wasn't letting go of what she just saw her "best friend" did.

"I've been by your side for half your life. I get that there are things you don't want to talk about, and I don't want to push. BUT A GUY WITH A FREAKING MACHETE FOR AN ARM JUST CHOPPED OUR BUS IN HALF, SHAUN! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?"

Shaun was hesitant at first to let Katy know what was going on, he might have been afraid that Katy would reject him if she knew who he really was. But to his surprise, Katy insisted on going with him to Macau so he could explain everything on the plane.

After revealing everything to Katy about who he was and his past on the plane (Well almost everything. He lied about not pushing through in killing his mother's murderer), Katy still accepted him and stayed by his side through the adventure.

Now he has the assurance that his best friend accepts him, he started wearing his jacket on its reverse side, showing the yellow/blue inlay. It could mean he somehow also had accepted his secret identity, and it was time for him to show the world who he really was.

However, this is Shang-Chi's hero's journey of rediscovery. He was still unclear of his true self. His auntie Nan in Ta Lo helped him realize that he was a product of all who came before him, the legacy of his family.

"You are your mother. And whether you like it or not, you are also your father.”

"Your mother knew who she was. Do you?

This made Shang-Chi realize that he hadn't accepted every aspect of who he was, especially the aspect that he had killed someone at a very young age. The very reason why he ran away and hid in America to live another life as Shaun.

During Shang-Chi and Katy's conversation besides the lake, he confessed that he did push through in killing his mother's murderer. Which made him realize what Wenwu trained him to become, a killer. Because of this, Shang-Chi was resolved to finally become what his father made him to be. In order to stop his father from opening the gate, Shang-Chi has to kill Wenwu.

But Shang-Chi didn't go through in killing Wenwu, instead, he showed love and compassion for his father. With this act, Wenwu gave his life for his son and gave the Ten Rings to Shang-Chi, which he used to defeat the Dweller-In-Darkness.

When Shang-Chi and Katy returned to San Fransisco, he was wearing a new jacket. A reflection of who he has become, a product of both the good and the bad, working together within him to become the worthy wielder of the Ten Rings.

Shang-Chi's character arc was metaphorically shown by a simple reversible jacket.

If this is what Destin was trying to convey, that's a really cool touch that I didn't realize while watching the movie.

Or I'm just looking at this too much and Shaun just hadn't had enough money to buy another jacket so he went for a reversible one, so . . . . (surge)

Anyway, it's fun to speculate. Thanks to Director Destin for pointing this out.

(Note: Sorry if my grammar is a bit wanky. English isn't really my first language. I keep adding some thoughts here as I go. But the premise of this meta-analysis is the same.)

[wotanidiott]

maybe some draco angst with prompts 20, 17 & 15 (angst ones)? thank you 🤎

—————————————————

The Other Potter

summary - after a heated argument, draco finally confesses, or rather shows you, his hidden feelings

pairing - draco x fem reader, mentions of ron x fem reader

house - gryffindor

time period - 7th year

word count - 2.6k

warnings - very angsty, violence and a whole lot of swearing

a/n - ahhh this is my first official post skdjkssjskksjssk !!!! i hope it’s okay i made the reader harry’s sister? i just randomly came up with the storyline and thought it would fit well with your request ... anyways i hope yall like it <3

prompts

“are you going to cry now?”

“you’re scaring me”

“you’re nothing. you hear me? nothing”

"Y/N!" You heard the distant calling of your name amongst the chatter of the mass of students in the Great Hall. Cocking your head slightly forward from your seat at the Gryffindor table, you found the source of the noise as they barrelled into the entrance with a frantic look in their eyes.

"Neville, what's wrong?" You question him, as he flops onto Seamus Finnigan, seated adjacent from you. Seamus furrows his eyebrows at his friend's breathless state, then looking at you with the same confused expression on your face.

Neville audibly heaves for a good minute, catching his breath from the seemingly long run he underwent.

"Harry, he—" His sentence is interrupted by a lengthy inhale of oxygen.

You perk up at your brother's name. A plethora of questions surfacing in your mind. "Harry? What happened? What did he do now?" You stand up, placing both hands on the table as you peer over at the short-winded boy now laying flat on the floor, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

“He ... he—”

"He what?" You persist.

"Courtyard. He's— A-And Malfoy. "

That's all you needed to snatch your bag off the floor and bolt for the courtyard.

You realised you had developed some sort of attraction to the infamous Slytherin Prince around the start of 5th year. Although, you had assumed it was just a phase. In what world could you ever be attracted to the one guy that makes you and your brother's lives a living hell?

So that's what you had concluded it was. Just a phase. One that had seemingly fizzled out once you started dating Ron and now call a silly mishap.

But that wasn't true at all, was it?

A series of scenarios flickered through your head as you begun to wonder just exactly what had happened for poor Neville to nearly faint from shortness of breath to fetch you.

It must've been urgent.

As you reach the Courtyard, a crowd has formed around the oak tree, most likely watching the interaction between the two boys. Your hand finds the wand tucked in the pocket of your robes, gripping it tightly as you push through the cluster of people to get to the front.

He sees you before you see him.

"Ahhh, how nice of you to join us. Now the other Potter's here, we can really have some fun" Malfoy announces. Sniggers erupt from the group of Slytherins behind him as you finally reach the centre of the circle.

Your eyebrows knit together in perplexity. Malfoy is stood in the middle, surrounded by his goons but there's no sight of Harry.

"Where is he?" You snap at Malfoy, hostility lacing your words as you look around the gathered students agitated.

"Y/N, I'm here!" Harry's voice calls from above. At first your skeptic but as you look up, there he was. Floating in mid-air. Along with Hermione and Ron.

"You bloody git. I'll get you back for this Malfoy. I swear—" Ron is cut off by the single wave of Blaise Zabini's wand, effectively silencing him.

"They look rather comfy up there, Potter. Don't you think? Care to join them?" Malfoy pulls his signature smirk, eyeing you up and down.

The hold on your wand tightens as you whip it out and point it at him, stepping forward. "Oh, I wouldn't if I were you. Unless you want a repeat of fourth year? Don't think we all forgot about you running stark naked around the corridors after your little ferret incident."

The crowd bursts into laughter at your witty comeback. Even Theodore Nott couldn't contain his laughter and eventually gave in when he saw the humiliated look gracing Malfoy's face.

Malfoy's gaze on you hardens, his upper lip curling in contempt as he too takes a step forward. If looks could kill, this would be it. He flicks his wand upwards, still maintaining eye contact and you hear the thud of 3 bodies on your left, followed by grunts from the hard contact as he relinquished the golden trio from his spell.

"Yeah? No wonder Weasel left you for the Mudblood. I would too considering what a bitch you are." He hisses with no remorse.

Gasps emit from the crowd at his harsh riposte.

As much as you'd hate to admit it, the comment hit a nerve. You remained civil with Hermione and Ron after having found out he cheated on you with her but the pain was still there. A guilty expression flickered over the couple's faces as they shot you an apologetic look.

"Awww, are you going to cry now?"

Your wand lowers slightly from the impact of Malfoy's insult and he takes this as an opportunity to cast a leg-locking curse.

However, he underestimated you. You managed to block the spell with a simple protection charm before quickly shouting "Expelliarmus!" Malfoy's wand jumped into your open hand in a fleet of a moment and he was left defenceless.

"I may be a bitch but at least I'm not a disappointment. It's obvious that your Father would rather have anyone— hell, he'd even have Harry rather than you as a son" you scoff, narrowing your eyes at him.

You felt a surge of satisfaction when an emotion that resembled hurt flashed across his face. But it went as soon as it came.

Something in Draco snapped. It was one thing to ridicule him in front of his peers but to bring up his Father? Now that was a whole different ball game. Before he could even stop himself, a barrage of insults came pouring out.

"Are you even hearing yourself? At least I have a Father. And I have a Mother. You? You have no one. Your parents are fucking dead, Potter. You don't even have any recollection of them—"

"MALFOY—"

"Shut the fuck up, Potter" He snaps at Harry then instantly directs his attention to you again. "And as for your sorry brother, I don't even see you two together anymore. He'd rather be around the two people that betrayed you—"

"Draco, mate, I think that's enoug—" Theo tugs on Malfoy's sleeve to get him to stop but he's persistent on speaking his mind.

"Piss off, Nott. A-Around the two people that betrayed you than— than a pathetic excuse for a witch. No one likes nor cares about you. You're nothing, Potter. You hear me? Nothing."

Malfoy appeared deranged in the way he lashed out at you, chest heaving from his rant and wild eyes that looked as if he could kill you right at that moment.

But you didn't care.

You were past the point of caring. You knew all the things he said to you were true, you sometimes even thought it. But it felt like a whole new revelation when he stated it aloud. In front of everyone. Soon the whole school would be talking about this.

But you didn't care.

It was then, Draco knew. He knew he messed up. He took in the wide eyes and gaping mouths of his peers around him. Harry's enraged expression. His friends' guilty body language; despite the fact they played no part in the insult.

Then his eyes swept over to you. He had knocked the life right out of you. You looked ... numb. With your faintly quivering lip and glassy eyes, he realised he had overstepped. Usually, you'd retaliate and he would too until you were both separated by your friends or the professors.

Though, this was different. This was overdoing it.

"R-Right." You managed to say flatly but the distress was clear in your words. The tears in your eyes were threatening to spill and you felt sick. Sick to the stomach about the fact everyone had heard and were most likely going to realise that about you too if they hadn't already.

You had to leave. Bolt out of there before you became a weeping mess.

You turned on your heel and made a beeline for the closest abandoned corridor you knew by heart. You couldn't go to your dorm because Harry would find you there and you wanted to be alone for the time being.

You ignored your brother's calls to come back aswell as Hermione's and a few other fellow Gryffindors you had befriended over the years.

Tear after tear came rolling down your flushed cheeks. Each one representing a time you had bottled up those feelings and refused to give into the 'let it all go' mechanism.

The past 2-3 years had been a blur of pain and heartbreak. Ron and Hermione's betrayal had hit you worse than you thought, combined with Harry's absence and the pitiful treatment your friends had been giving you.

"Potter, wait!"

You whirled round so fast at the all so familiar voice. Out of all people, you hadn't expected him to be the one to follow you.

"Leave me alone, Malfoy. Please— Just .... just please leave me alone" Your plead came out in splutters, unable to fully form a sentence with the state your mind was in.

You swivel back round and begin to continue further down the hallway but you don't get far as Malfoy calls after you again.

"Potter, stop."

"WHAT? WHAT IS IT? YOU WANT TO HUMILIATE ME EVEN MORE? IS THAT IT? WHAT DO YOU FUCKING WANT, MALFOY?" You turn, snapping at him.

Through the swelling anger and haze of your tears, you couldn't make out his expression as he stared intently at your face.

"I— I just wanted to—" Malfoy pauses for a second, struggling to find the right words. After a moment, he simply sighs, eyes travelling to your hand. "My wand. You have my wand." He points at your clenched fists that have both his and your wand in it's tight grip.

At that, you feel immensely stupid for lashing out at him. Huffing, you shove it in his hands and collapse against the vacant corridor's wall out of frustration.

You bury your head in your hands and replay the scene that had just occurred. It was humiliating. Utterly humiliating ... but it was the truth.

"Potter."

You started slightly at the sound of Malfoy's voice. You had expected him to go running back to his goons to ridicule your breakdown yet here he was.

"Wh-What are y-you still doing here?" You managed to reply in between hiccups as you kept your eyes wired shut to cease the ever flowing stream of tears. "Would h-have thought you'd ran off and celebrated this v-victory of yours with the other Slytherins."

"Potter, I—"

"No, you know what, I don't even care anymore." You get to your feet and push yourself off the wall. This would only satisfy Malfoy even further; watching every piece of the facade you managed to maintain, crack and fracture. He didn't deserve to see you like this.

As you swivel round, about to make a run to your dorm, you're pulled back by a harsh grip on your wrist. Cold rings digging into your skin as he spins you back round.

"Well, I do." Malfoy says in almost a whisper.

You shoot him a bemused look at his vague and random words.

He takes in your confused expression and further elaborates. "...Care. I mean." He says, flatly whilst looking around you as if he were avoiding your eyes.

You can't help the scoff that passes through your mouth as you yank your wrist free of his grasp. "You? Care? Yeah, right."

You go to turn again but he stops you once more. "Look, Potter—"

"Malfoy—"

"If you would just—"

"No—"

"Listen to me—"

"Why would—"

In a fleet of a moment, Malfoy shoves you against the wall. His large hand wrapped around the back of your head to mitigate the impact. And the other squeezing your hip to hold you in place.

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE, STOP INTERRUPTING ME. IS IT SO HARD TO SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND FUCKING LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY?"

You open your mouth to protest but you're quickly cut off by his hand leaving your head as it drives into the stone wall right next to your face.

"STOP IT. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT LISTEN MEANS, POTTER?"

You jump at the abrupt act of violence combined with the volume and harshness of his words.

"LISTEN."

His fist rams into the wall again.

"TO."

And again.

"ME."

And again.

Your eyes screw shut as you let out a small whimper from the proximity of his punches between the wall and your face. Tears escaping and falling rapidly from the fear he had elicited out of you combined with the occurrence that had put you in this mess in the first place.

Malfoy is pulled out of his momentary ballistic rage at the sound of your small and helpless sounding whimper. He had yet again let his temper get the better of him. Culpability overcame him as he took in your cowering state and he instantly regretted spinning out of control.

"Potter." His voice, eyes and grip had softened drastically, completely contrasting his aura just seconds ago.

"Y-You're scaring me." You murmur.

Malfoy instantaneously takes a step back, releasing you from his hold.

Your eyes fly open and immediately register the immense shame etched on his face.

"I'm sorry. I didn't—" He pauses momentarily, sighing to himself before continuing. "I didn't mean to scare you. Or hurt you. I didn't mean the things I said earlier."

It was an understatement to say you were taken aback by Malfoy apologising. You didn't think he even knew how to.

"You're sorry?" You reply, dubiously.

"Yes. I am."

You squint your eyes at him in suspicion, "No, you're not. Why would you be sorry? You don't even care—"

"Fuck's sake, not again." He cuts you off, shaking his head as he pinches the bridge of his nose out of irritation.

You don't understand. What's his angle? Surely, he doesn't really care. Right?

"What? You don't. Or else you wouldn't have—" You attempt to explain your point of view but he interrupts you once more.

"FUCKING HELL, POTTER. I AM SORRY, OKAY? IS IT SO HARD FOR YOU TO BELIEVE THAT I'M APOLOGISING FOR HURTING YOUR FEELINGS?"

A moment of silence passes between the two of you as you stare at each other.

"Yes." You breathe. "I-I just don't understand why you would—"

Before you could even process what was happening, Malfoy has you pinned to the wall anew but this time with his lips pressed against yours.

You undergo a mixture of all sorts of emotions in the time span of a second. Shock, confusion, disbelief and most of all a tiny spark of exuberance.

He gives you little time to melt into the kiss before he's pulling away already and holding your face in his hands.

You've never been this close to Malfoy before, so needless to say you wouldn't have believed anyone if they said Malfoy actually had the most entrancing eyes. Like a storm brewing behind grey clouds, you thought.

"Does that answer your question?" He asks, a smirk creeping up his face.

You can't help the little smile tugging at the corner of your lips as you attempt to mirror his smirk. "Partly, yes."

Without a second thought, you smash your lips against his, hands travelling to his hair as you lightly tug on the ends.

He slightly moans at this and mumbles in between kisses, "You don't know how long I've been wanting to do this."

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

You both suddenly pull away from each other as you meet Harry's eyes from the end of the hallway.

Shit.

———————————————————————

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[piratekenway]

I had. A THOUGHT.

before they all separate, wishing each other luck (with Jacob and Evie hugging a bit and Evie making Jacob promise that he will be VERY careful) I like to think Shay finally pulls Arno off to the side. asks him who he is, really—he and Haytham knew de la Serre. the man had a daughter and not a son. Arno admits that he’s not a de la Serre, save perhaps in the wanting: he and Elise were together. were close. he loved her and she him. and her father was the closest thing he had to one as well, after someone left his father’s corpse in Versailles.

Shay does not say he’s sorry. he’s certain Arno would throw hands if he did. he does, however, prepare to flex his fingers, pull out his hidden blade.

Arno just looks at him, flatly, and says something that catches Shay off his guard: “I’m not going to kill you, Cormac,” he says. “don’t misunderstand me. a significant part of me wants you fucking dead, and it will never be satisfied so long as you live.”

“it would be difficult,” says Shay, “to satisfy such a part of yourself, considering.”

“it would be,” says Arno. “so I won’t even bother to try feeding it. you...” he pauses, lets out a breath. “you are dead. you, Shay Cormac, in the real world, have long since died. so have I. so have the rest of us here. we’re all just—data in the shape of people’s memories. so it’s not worth it anyway. and besides, I...”

Shay watches him for a moment, this Assassin who used to be a young boy playing with a little redheaded girl in the gardens. “you what?” he prompts.

“Elise died for her vengeance,” says Arno. “I tried to save her. then I tried to kill Germain before he could kill her. each time I never even came close. it took me so long and so many tries to realize...she was never going to stop. not even for me. revenge took her and killed her and she let it happen, and I’m sick of it. I’m sick and tired of it.” he runs a hand through his hair, dark like his father’s. “I hate you. I will never forgive you for what you’ve done to me.”

“I’m not asking for your forgiveness,” says Shay. “I would have to feel like I did something wrong in the first place.” still—he feels something, all right, speaking with Charles Dorian’s son. something that makes him unsteady on his feet.

“good,” says Arno. “but I’m not going to kill you, because there are bigger and more important things at stake here than me and you and my hatred. and because, quite frankly, I heard you when you saw that thing with your face.” his eyes are steely when they meet Shay’s. “is that what you want to become? is that the path you want to tread? do you want to prove me and Abstergo right?”

and that’s what stays in Shay’s head. is that what you want to become?

--

so it’s Shao Jun, Shay, and Ezio walking into Abstergo. Shao Jun is keeping a wary eye on Shay, bc Ezio’s pretty hell-bent on finding Desmond and therefore someone has to watch his back bc there’s a known traitor in their presence and she frankly doesn’t trust this Shay not to stab them all in the back somehow. she doesn’t trust Haytham Kenway either, but Edward’s grandson vouched for him and Aveline vouched for Connor. Shao Jun trusts Aveline, so.

god she misses Aveline already.

what they find when they get to Desmond’s cell in Abstergo is...uh. apparently nothing? but then they go into Eagle Vision and are HIGHLY DISTURBED by all of Clay’s notes, written in, y’know, his blood. and Desmond has added a few just for them. well, just for Ezio, really: meet me in the parking lot.

they book it down to the parking lot, where Desmond and Lucy are fighting off Abstergo’s men. cue rip-roaring action scene and Shay at one point realizing he has a clear line of sight on Ezio with Shao Jun busy ramming her footblade into a man’s chin before he whips around to fight off an Abstergo goon with the rest of them. (Arno’s voice, once again, the steely eyes: do you want to prove me and Abstergo right? he does not need or want Arno’s forgiveness, but—the way that the antivirus had looked. the sheer hatred in his eyes. had the Templars he’d helped build up forgotten Lisbon? had he?)

(he pretends he does not notice the way Desmond looks at him and smiles, just that little bit.)

Lucy gets in the car. Desmond watches her for a long moment. “she put me in the trunk when this actually happened,” he says, nostalgic.

“you’re not going in the trunk, mio fratello,” says Ezio. “I’m sure we can all cram in the back and you can...ah, what’s the term these days?”

“ride shotgun?” Desmond says.

“that,” says Ezio.

Shao Jun crams herself in between Shay and Ezio. “for insurance,” she says.

“hey, don’t worry,” says Desmond, “there’s actually two Templars in this car right now. pretty sure neither of them want to hurt us.” and he jerks a thumb at Lucy, who glitches a little as she looks up and asks, “what was that?”

“nothing,” he says, “Bleeding Effect, go, floor it.”

--

they don’t reach the warehouse. they reach Monteriggioni, but not the one of Ezio’s memories: the one of Desmond’s, with electric lights and cars parked places and the Villa Auditore standing on the hill, well-maintained for a long-abandoned villa. they all get out, and while Lucy jogs up to meet with Rebecca and Shaun, Desmond and Ezio walk towards the villa, look up at it. (Shao Jun and Shay stay with the car and awkwardly try not to look at each other.) Ezio puts his hand on a pillar and breathes out, slowly, softly.

“five hundred years and this is still standing,” he says. “I can hardly believe it.”

“the Auditore are not dead,” says Desmond, distantly, and Ezio recalls his own voice saying that, so long ago. “we’re still here. the Brotherhood is still here. and so long as we are, we’ll fight.”

Ezio looks at him then. “how did you end up here?” he asks.

so Desmond tells him: the whole bloody mess of it. says, at some point, a little half-laughing, that it’s probably kind of a let-down, right? sorry that I’m the guy you’re the Prophet of.

Ezio: don’t be sorry. you saved the world, did you not? Desmond: I’m hoping I did. I’m not always sure. there was this whole mess last year, Edward might know, it involved his memories. I did what I knew to be the right thing at the time, and I still do think that, I just... Ezio: it’s like you said. so long as we are here, we’ll fight back—whether it’s the Templars or this Juno.

Desmond smiles. fading into gold already, as Ezio pushes the door open—

—and he, Shao Jun, and Shay find themselves tumbling end over end into Animus Island.

Desmond’s there, asleep. this is the facet they’ve come to rescue, but the memory they need to wake him up is beyond that gate.

and so is Clay, who stands up, looks at all three of them, and says, “you guys too, huh? the memory you want’s that way, but it’s got a lock on it.” he nods to the sleeping Desmond, who’s cradling his hand. “good thing there’s three of you,” Clay continues, “because there’s three parts to unlocking it, all on this island. and you all better get moving.”

he nods to the data sea beyond them. is it just them, or is it...trembling?

“Frye and Dorian are buying you guys time.”

--

MEANWHILE

this is literally what’s happening with Arno, Jacob and Dionysus. I cannot emphasize how much fun Jacob is currently having with the grenade launcher. Dionysus has managed to get some security measures going and somewhere in the code has managed to dig up various other weapons, so, you know, they’re all set for the time being.

I wonder if you’ve ever thought about like, a glitch or a virus in the Animus accidentally causing all the playable ancestors to become self-aware and sentient. I kind of like the idea of them realizing they’re all essentially kinda stuck in the Animus servers and then banding together to essentially blow up Abstergo. hell, maybe Desmond is the reason why they’re all sentient, something about the Apple and the Eye started doing weird things to the samples they took from him so now the ancestors have to find his consciousness!

also I am ngl I think it would be very funny for them to occasionally be able to break into each other’s simulations for various purposes. Edward popping into the American Revolutionary War to say hi to his kid and grandkid. Jacob and Evie and Henry in Constantinople. Altaïr rolling around in the Caribbean, god help this poor non-swimmer.

(and maybe once they’ve gotten him out of wherever he’s been stashed Desmond can teach these guys how to like actually get into Abstergo’s servers and start ruining their lives?)

Ooooohhh, this would be fun and, considering which company Abstergo partnered with to develop the Animus games, this could have just as easily happened because bugs had always been part of the course when it concerned the games they have published.

It might have been a flaw in the Animus game console itself, simply because they had developed a ‘console’ that either didn’t require that the user be related to the genetic memory at all (which had been necessary to stabilize and synchronize with the memories) or they had included a ‘data set’ that includes the DNA origin to stabilize and synchronize with the memories (which meant that they were dealing with a setup they had not fully checked yet (considering Black Flag’s modern day setting was set in 2013 and was released before Rogue’s modern day setting in 2014, that would mean that their Animus iteration had to have been developed and send to Abstergo Entertainment with Sample 17’s data in a year or less).

Also, also, we have seen how ‘viruses’ can interact with the Abstergo games. Liberation’s secret ending which shows the ‘scenes’ that Abstergo tried to remove so that it seemed like Aveline joined the Templar Order in the end could only be accessed by finding a specific NPC in the game in various memory blocks.

So, in this scenario, the whole ‘non-canon character’ popping into other games could have happened during development BUT the Animus game they ship was meant to copy the memory blocks that research analysts got in development so those small inconsistencies could have happened during their breaks or flat-out during a time when no one was using the Animus at all.

The easter eggs (or some fans like to call them “too unrealistic and plain fanservice”) would be included in all the copies of their specific games those games only had minor tweaks to ensure they won’t crash (and have DRMs, I guess) and lesser time for Q&A because, let’s face it, they needed to cut costs somewhere before they were shipped off to ensure they had a yearly release.

It became just a normal part of the charm of these games and Abstergo is just going “Yes, it’s meant to show that we are all connected no matter how many centuries we are from one another!” but internally there are memos going “WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING???”.

Also, also…

We should set up some kind of timeline, I guess?

Because, as far as we can be sure, the only confirmed games that Abstergo Entertainment released are the following:

Liberations (based on Liberation with Aveline) - Prior to 2013

Pirates of Nightmares (based on Black Flag with Edward) - Around 2013 (also has a movie version called Devils of the Caribbean)

Note: We do not have any confirmation that they released any games based on Shay Cormac and, honestly, with how much Shay’s defection hinged on the power of the artifact (which they had probably had to cut out since they were going for ‘realism’), any games based on Rogue would probably need a lot of cuts and edits. They might have just, you know, given up on that in the end.

Buuuuutttt we have confirmation of these games as having been published prior to Arno Dorian’s memories being checked:

Not counting the three on the bottom which we don’t really have any information about, this means that we have confirmation that the following have been released (and, in Edward’s and Aveline’s case, this could have been a re-release ala HD remastered style which Liberation did get in the PS4 era):

Altaïr

Shao Jun

Ezio (also, it’s just sooo Abstergo to go for ‘Fear and Loathing in Florence’, a reference to AC2, but use Ezio’s Brotherhood robes… soooo like Abstergo to use the Brotherhood!Ezio model)

Ratonhnhaké:ton

Aveline

Edward

BUT then you also get

Jacques De Molay

Rodrigo Borgia

Haytham Kenway

This means that if you want the Animus servers' data to be sentient then you can make at least these three Templars sentient as well if you wish to add more conflict to the entire thing.

Now, if we keep the supposed release date with the idea that they released it as Aveline → Edward → Altaïr → Shao Jun → Ezio → Ratonhnhaké:ton → HD releases (or maybe Helix is meant to be a collection like the real-world example of Ezio Trilogy or Rebels Collection)

Then what can happen is that Aveline is the first one to ‘wake up’ and she finds herself in the Caribbean, waking up on Edward’s ship. She tries to ask where she is and her appearance caused Edward to snap out of the ‘Animus control’ and gain sentient.

Then they decide to try and find out where they are via the Jackdaw, sailing her beyond the supposed walls of this place they find themselves in.

It’s during their travels and checking the strange ports (imagine lots of glitching + the entire vibe of Animus Island back in Revelations with each map turned into an island so this means that landlocked maps like Florence and Monteriggioni are now islands) that they see an Assassin taking down a target at the port before running away. They give chase and that’s how they meet Altaïr in Acre docks. Their appearance snapped Altaïr into gaining sentient but not just that…

He remembers up to his death, unlike Aveline who remembers up to her wedding night and Edward who remembers up to a night with Tessa.

No.

Altaïr knows more about where they are than he should.

And that’s when he sees it.

A figure walking the streets of Acre, walking further and further away from them, clad in white that did not belong in his time.

Altaïr gives chase and the two followed him because Altaïr knows more than them, that was for sure.

Altaïr still loses him but he feels like he knows that figure… knows it’s a man and he’s important.

He points at Edward as he says, “Important to both of us.”

But he also knows the man isn’t here in the island composed of Altaïr’s memories anymore.

And Aveline and Edward get a crash course of who they truly are (digital construct of the memories of long-dead Assassins) and where they are. The where is more confusing because Altaïr uses words like “the Animus must always be online to connect to the servers”, “this is the server that has all the data of all researched and analyzed memories”, etc but Edward just summarized it as “prison created by Templars, right?”

“In a way.”

So they board the Jackdaw to try and find an exit and to find this supposed man that was important to Altaïr and Edward.

Along the way, they docked in a port that ends with them waking up Shao Jun as she’s running away from those hunting her. She remembered that this was the memory where her mentor told her to find Ezio Auditore and Altaïr thinks he knows the name.

“But I know of a different name for him as well… Prophet. He was… He was the prophet of that man.”

Shao Jun joins them and she recognized Florence so they docked there and they find Ezio who was looking for feathers.

Ezio stares at Altaïr for a moment then he stares behind Altaïr, his eyes going wild. Altaïr immediately knew what he was looking at he quickly turned around.

This time, the figure was running the rooftops of Florence and the two gave chase, making the rest run after them.

During the chase, Ezio shouts, “Desmond!” and the figure stopped and turned around.

Before they could see his face, a flock of birds flew between them, and the man was gone.

They reached where they last saw the man and Ezio recognized it.

This… was where he and Federico wished that their lives would not change… the day before Ezio’s entire life turned upside down.

With Ezio becoming part of their crew, Ezio had the same information as Altaïr. He knows who he is, where they are, and what they truly are.

But his memories end after seeing Altaïr’s remains underneath Masyaf.

And… he also has his Apple.

Altaïr sees the Apple and realized…

He opened his pouch and, yes…

He has an Apple as well.

So Ezio joined them too and they continue to sail Jackdaw. (If you’d like Adéwalé to be sentient as well even if we have no confirmation that Abstergo profited from his memories as well, this would be a good time to do it)

This time, they get into a naval combat with an unknown ship and Edward is enjoying himself. The ship was beautiful and whoever was in command knew what they were doing.

So Edward decided to ram it and they’d all pile onto the other ship. The crew wouldn’t be able to win against 5 Assassins after all.

But the moment they rammed the ship, both of their ships began to glitch just as they hear a man with a British accent shout, “How is it you came to captain a ship, given the way you sail?”

When the glitching stopped, the Jackdaw looked like it had absorbed the other ship, creating a new ship that seemed to be a merged version of the two.

And there was an Assassin on board that they didn’t know. An Assassin holding an Apple and… he was looking to their right.

Where a lone island filled with buildings taller than any towers they had ever seen could be seen just before the horizon.

The Assassin pointed at the island and turned to face Edward as he said, “He’s waiting for us there… grandfather.”

(If you want Haytham to gain sentient, he’s in the captain’s quarters and he’d open the door a few seconds later with a splitting headache, telling Ratonhnhaké:ton his sailing is shit then stop when he sees Edward. Cue awkward family reunion)

Other Unorganized Notes:

I’m sorry I couldn’t include Jacob, Evie, and Henry, nonny. :(

This was focused on the idea that the Abstergo servers mainly have data of the published ‘games’ while the memories still being researched are in another more secured private server.

Although, considering that Arno and the Frye twins were more ‘modified’ by the Assassins, maybe they could come in as a virus before Edward and the others meet Ratonhnhaké:ton. I think it would be a change of pace if Arno and the Fryes (with Jayadeep) know more than the ‘old guards’. Hell, they could say “We hitched a ride with the virus Erudito sent to find Sample 17 because the public noticed he always makes an appearance as an NPC in all the games so the Assassins think that he’s somewhere here.” “He’s not 17. His name is Desmond.” “Right, didn’t mean to offend anybody.”