#the sadness rammed into me like a ton of bricks and WELL! to make a long story short im gonna start meeting week LY w. someone from the stdy

[pepprs]

hey so u know how today was supposed to be like an amazing day and i was supposed to make a ton of friends? yeah me too

[gamefaq]

the credits were so fucking long i had to skip them my god. but yeah thots feelings putting it under a readmore because it might be semi-lengthy and also if youre like me and havent played gta v all the way through despite it being almost 10 years old

i’m kinda sad the ending didnt wow me more to be honest. i really thought it was gonna be quite grand and leave me being like “wow that was nuts” but i was just kinda like...oh i guess thats just it. idk if its just me being so ridiculously picky (which it very well could be) or whether it is just a bit anticlimactic but? considering i chose the deathwish option i expected it to be a lot more difficult than it actually was

especially when it came to kidnapping devin there was literally like. 5 guards. it was weirdly barren and i dont quite get why. it all just felt a bit too EASY considering yknow. you literally rob 4 tons of gold bricks and are going after extremely well equipped people

i think what it comes down to is that i loved playing it, but i also have a lot of gripes with it. the most important being the uh. blatant racism. but also the way npc’s are programmed can feel so anti-player sometimes

yeah you’re getting away from cops? have 5 npc cars just ram into you for no fucking reason. you’re in a non-controllable cutscene? get mauled by an animal that kills you and you have to restart the entire mission. you’re doing a bike race?? well a car being chased by a cop is gonna come crashing through the course and run you over

speaking of which, the vehicles sucked to control soooooooooo fucking bad. SO bad. i shamelessly crashed helicopters so i could skip flying them in missions because it was like grating cheese with a nail file. it’s AWFUL with keyboard and mouse and frankly i’m too stubborn to switch to a controller just to use the vehicles because i shouldnt have to man. its so weird that not just gta, but most city ‘open world’ games have never really gotten the hang of vehicle control

but yeah really thinking about it there’s not actually that much that goes on story wise, but i was hooked on it anyway. the acting carries it so well because it’s so GOOD. it’s rare things make me laugh out loud when i’m doing something by myself, but there were multiple occasions when there wasn’t even anything particularly funny but just the genuine reaction was so perfect, particularly from trevor’s actor i must say

the only thing i didn’t like about the story is more of a personal taste thing i think. i’d have much rather found out alongside trevor that brad died as opposed to knowing really early on that brad died and was in michael’s grave. the graveyard scene is still great regardless but imo it would have been a lot more impactful if there was no hints brad died until trevor realises himself. because the player could have gone through the same thing of “it was obvious but chose to ignore it” type of situations

this sounds mostly negative but i did pour 42 hours into it which for me is REALLY impressive. and it looks like there’s an endgame side mission which i’m gonna go back and do so yeah i did enjoy it and i would recommend it, HOWEVER i don’t think it’s completely flawless. the amount of frustration i had on the vehicle/npc and again the blatant racism (witty/self-aware or not) just massively knocks it down

i fully understand that the whole point is that everyone you meet and play as (save for franklin imo) is a major asshole. but theres a lot of ways you can portray an asshole without including racism

[nicoleswanderings]

PLEASE READ THIS

Today while I was riding my motorbike in Chiang Dao (northern Thailand), I had a thought. I was looking at the dogs I was passing, thinking about what makes them so different from the other dogs I had remembered as so loving and affectionate at Elephant Nature Park. And even the gap between them and the let's we hold so dear in America. It seems I have not met one dog here that has relatively the same characteristics as at home. I am not meaning to generalize them but Asian dogs certainly have a different demeanor. So I followed that story in my head and ended at this sort of idea, something I could completely disagree with tomorrow as the fickilness of the mind and it's habits is something that must always be accounted for but for now it seems pretty true and solid. These dogs I was passing were just laying in the street, obviously showing a deep need for love and as a result barking and growling at whatever was passing by, much the same way humans do (sometimes I just bark at people, don't you?) Now before I get too far, this is not an animal post, more it just so happened watching an animal gave my this realization but it could have just as easily been a flower or tree that showed me this. It's more about a kind of "law" that governs the life force. An unwavering truth I know is that we are all the same, behind the labels, skin, personality, mind, emotions, etc we are all infinite light that has been shot into a vessel, not unlike in War of the Worlds or like a meteor bringing matter that was not originally from earth to earth. It is also important to note that just because it didn't come from here all combined and as the object we view it as, doesn't mean it is any different from all the matter that makes up the earth, fire, water, etc. It's all the same fucking thing of course. So anyways, I am watching these dogs and I know that the same thing that is in me is in them and we were just given different life situations to be apart of/roles to play out. Maybe it's part of our karma, maybe it's not, idk. Blah blah. This is the same way I felt while looking into the eyes of these beaten elephants. I just feel like I got hit with a ton of bricks. It was like the science experiments I had been taught in school. The controlled variable was our consciousness, light, awareness, god-essence, divine, whatever the heck. The manipulated variable was our life situations. So if the same thing was in both the Asian dogs and American dogs, how could they be so different? Each of us comes into this life having completely different experiences. The dogs at home are bred, adopted, most get into a loving family whose kids feed them under the table at dinner time. They get a comfy bed to sleep in, just generally are loved and cuddled to death. This love allows them to blossom, to open up, to serve others as well. We value our pets for the comfort they provide us. They are the ones who come and lick our salty tears, who sense whatever we need and then do their best to provide it. But it is only because we have provided an environment that fosters them opening up their heart. By serving others we are directly and indirectly serving ourselves. By allowing others to be completely as they are-as Ram Dass says-There is nothing in me demanding you to change. If you are in your drama (ego/darkness) "here I am". If you want to come out and play "here I am". If we can be this open and safe space for people we meet, we are allowing them to blossom. You can be with someone in their suffering with empathy and simultaneously also be on the plane that knows the divine nature is at work. The Tao. I'm going on tangents though. With the dogs in Asia, they have their protective barriers up because they have not been given that environment. They still have that light this is the divine but they just identify more with the part of them that has been kicked to the curb, that is starving, that is scared of humans because that is what keeps them safe. We have done the same thing but since we no longer have to worry about starving it being homeless (at least most of us), we bring those protective barriers to the human social world. So because we do not feel that we have been given that safe space, it is hard for us to provide it for others. Love is the gift that keeps on giving. You are always raising not just your consciousness when you live through your heart, but the collective consciousness. The consciousness of all life. So when you start to alienate yourself from others- you dislike them, you think they just have the wrong perspective, they seem cold- think of the light they have within. It has to be there if they are alive. That is the part you show love to. You nurture that part in someone because that is what is what is truly them and it grows until they can do that for others. Their opinion that Trump is a great president was not formulated by that light and neither was yours to vote for Hillary or Bernie. Events in your life have so solidly impacted your mind whether you know it or not and since your mind is where you live that is what has made those decisions. Had your light been born into that person's body, heard every single thing said to them, experienced everything they had and were identified with your mind, you probably would have made the same decision. That is just an example. Basically my realization was simple- love is the way and everything else is bullshit. You don't need to know about reincarnation, study the Buddha, go to Burning Man (though that helped a bunch), be able to show your spiritualness through deep conversation, or know all the philosophies of life to just fucking tap into that infinite love in you and live through it. While yeah, some of those things may help you, if they aren't part of your path, don't make them so. Honestly sometimes I think, with my own experience, these things can even hinder you. Sometimes I get so wrapped up with "living in the moment", always trying to be mindful, almost watching myself like a hawk, but I actually lose the essence of life itself. I meet people and my mind is immediately preoccupied, whether I'm aware of it or not, with establishing my place in this "commercial/artificial spirituality" as my friend called it. Being in that place in yourself, you have completely lost the infinite space you could be holding for that other person. You're doing the opposite- making a hostile/competitive environment. (At this point, I am writing myself notes because this is what I need to work on most now lol). So as the ocean abs and flows, so do I. There are periods I get so caught up in that shit, that while it may be true, it is not necessary and kind of creates a roundabout way to reach the same point. Sometimes you don't even reach the same point. Love is always going to be the way. And what brings me out of these times is when I get fed up with trying so hard for this "goal" (a way of being in tune every single second) that I just let what is B. I stop being so hard on myself. I can be angry at people while at the same time acting through love. One is emotion/mind one is heart. It just depends which one I am living through. As my other friend told me "there's no shame in any of it." There are no wrong emotions. Don't try to control your mind, it won't work. It's like this. There are two parallel lines. One is your heart, one is your mind. Your heart line can be on the wavelength of love the whole time while simultaneously your mind line is all over the place, sad one day, happy the next. You just focus on the heart line, the brain line will eventually even out and be steady, or maybe not, but I think at least anger and jealousy and these negative emotions will subside. When you don't give something attention it's easiest to grow. But the opposite way will not work, or will just lead to many more obstacles. You can't control your mind so much to where you finally get love in your heart because your mind is not you. The heart is the epicenter and it is a one-way line to the rest. So when you let things be how they are, when you lose sight of your spirituality, sometimes months later, you'll get a glimpse of how far it has actually come, because the thing you thought was spirituality really was a false one. Like an imposter. You had greedy intentions behind it. And you're left with this true connectedness, a not so serious, lightness to your heart. There is no goal anymore and you move with yourself through love. And the cycle repeats most likely, each time coming back stronger. It's all part of the ride. You wouldn't have a peak without the valleys. They are literally just as necessary. So let's start living through the heart more and thinking about things less. Intellect is not the greatest gift, at least not in the way most people view it. Feel, I'm not talking about emotions (though those are important to move with) but more your inner energy, the power of love, like a sixth sense. Let your heart process things first, before your mind. Let's let ourselves, dogs, all of earth flourish in our love. That is all. Please leave some feedback ❤️