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loquaciousquark · 4 years ago

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Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E125 (Feb. 16, 2021)

Goooood evening good evening good evening, all! I hope you’re all staying warm and safe and dry in this chilly weather. Tonight’s guests: Travis Willingham and Laura Bailey.

We open tonight with Travis ribbing Brian for his continuous remodel of his office space. Laura demands a second introduction of herself as she wasn’t paying attention during the first one.

Travis: “You’ve gotta love Julianne Moore. She’s the only actress who can cry and show you all her teeth at the same time.” I was listening pretty closely when he said this and I’m still not sure it had any context.

Jester thinks there’s a strong possibility at least half the party will die against the Tombtakers. Fjord doesn’t think the odds are quite that high, but it will be dangerous. Laura points out that most of the M9 are also willing to sacrifice themselves for the rest of the party, so that changes their odds as well. Travis: “The game is not a stress reliever. It is not a stress reliever. I mean, it’s fun as shit, but it is stressful!”

Laura thinks Essek will give them a better chance. Travis: “A plus-one? A powerful plus-one, but a plus-one?” Did you see his reaction when we gave him the lowdown? Let’s be real: we kinda trust Essek. I got $50 that when we come back, he’s gone.” Laura is convinced he is trustworthy & wants to lighten his soul.

Jester spent so much time trying to bring out the Molly side of Lucien that to have him then betray them sucked. She knew that trying to bring the good out of everyone they met would eventually fail, but it stung that it was the most powerful one they encountered to first betray them.

She tries to talk about finger gestures during the answer as a reference to the HBO show “Raised by Wolves,” and Brian and Travis tell her to keep digging this hole she gets herself into about fingering. Travis: “Just get off the interstate at the next exit and turn right.” Laura, of course, immediately mimes turning a hard left, and they spent the next few minutes laughing at her inability to tell right from left and that even now she still has to hold up her hands to tell left from right.

Fjord is furious that they nicked the Bag of Holding. The loss of Vess DeRogna is bad enough, but he is genuinely IRL anxious about the loss of the Cloven Crystal. Laura points out that Fjord has also explicitly talked to Lucien about the deep sea creature patron he used to follow as well. He’s terrified one of Lucien’s scimitars is suddenly going to have a big eye sticking out of it. Laura suggests they’ll just succeed, bring back the city, and wake up Uk’otoa for the heck of it.

It was really rough to go from the Gelidon fight to the Tombtaker fight, especially since the first fight sent so well. Travis felt great that he initiated the dragon fight - he knew they had a far advantage in the numbers and felt that it was an open and shut case.

Laura does boggle that if Caleb hadn’t asked for that item from the Bag of Holding, they might have slept all night before realizing it was gone. They’re both relieved that they now know so much more about how the Tombtakers fight, especially the anti-magic cone. The most anxiety-ridden part was when they were trying to run and the TTs weren’t letting them. “You know when you don’t even have squares, when Matt’s black-tableclothing it, you’re in deep shit.” Laura had no spells left - she was so worried if she dropped the polymorph she would have had nothing left.

Travis: “Thanks for healing me, babe.” Laura: “You’re welcome, baby. It was ultimately a waste, though, because we took a rest immediately and you could just spend your hit dice.” Everyone laughs at Travis’s pain. She does say it was worth it in the moment since they didn’t know if they would be able to get away.

They joke that Laura’s just wearing the Fire Resist ring on a chain around her neck/Sprinkle is wearing it now to keep it safe since she’s not attuned to it anymore. It’s pretty hilarious!

Travis hoped that the TTs were originally actively looking for more acolytes rather than just having Caleb & Beau read the book. Otis needs to die. He’s relieved they have an idea of what all their blood rites do. Laura thought the time with them was fun, but it makes her retroactively wish that she’d dropped Zoran in the lava when they had the chance. Travis wishes they’d put a chime on the door of the tower.

Laura loved the tarot card reading, since Taliesin sent her really detailed breakdowns of the cards & gave her a real deck for Christmas. Taliesin told her she did a great job afterwards which she really appreciated, since she’s not sure what she’s doing. She does wish that she knew why Lucien seemed so nervous when she was talking about rebirth.

Cosplay of the Week! @clever_comics on twitter with a lovely Veth in her snowy lavender-colored outfit and pigtails.

Travis on confessing to Jester: “It FUCKING made me crazy!” He’s never been an instigator of campaign romances in the past, but because he loves Laura and was able to connect to her on that level he felt like it was a good challenge instead. He doesn’t think he could have done it with someone he wasn’t comfortable with. It was also important to him for it to be founded on real-game moments and after real-game time had passed, and he felt it was a very natural progression. Seeing the statues rip five years from her in such a benign situation made him realize that to let the opportunity pass wouldn’t have been worth it. He wishes he’d told Vandran what he meant to Fjord as well.

Laura loves that Fjord is becoming more confident as well. The post-Gelidon smooch took Laura completely by surprise since she’s finding Jester is a little surprisingly awkward with IRL affection, and she was surprised Fjord was the confident one there. “It’s so wonderful. It’s a matter of finding a way to get comfortable with it with her away from the Tombtakers.” Travis thought it was important to continue the “go for it” mantra. He notes that he’s pretty private about his personal life IRL, so it’s been a bit of a shift. It’s slower in a way - not a “you’re my one true love” kind of thing, more of a “let’s see where this goes and act on what you can” thing.

They were all “poopin’ in their pants” to get to go to Emon. The worst part was not getting to explore outside the tower since they had to leave again immediately. Kima is so cool, and Travis was actively trying to get Kima to come with them. Everyone boggles that they got to borrow Allura’s staff.

Laura only was thinking about the item-tuned-to-the-target-plane because she’d been texting with Liam trying to iron out their spell choices. She’s so relieved that they were able to get something tuned to the Sea from Allura.

For the most part, Laura knows what spells are the most useful for Jester, but every now and then she does get caught by major component requirements that she hadn’t noted. She wants to get another chalice for Hero’s Feast before they go into the Sea.

Dani points out that a lot of their allies right now are mages (no Kashaws, no Kimas, no Grogs) and they’re heading to a bad place for mages.

Travis has a sudden brain wave about all the TTs being from the Claret Order and wonders if they should investigate that before they pursue. I don’t even remember what that order is and I feel terrible!

Fanart of the Week! It’s a beautiful card by @crovyne on twitter of the Cree counterspell.

Laura really wants Brian to shave the sides of his hair and do Viking braids in the rest. I didn’t want to say anything out loud, but Brian’s hair is really looking pretty...pandemicky.

This is Dani’s four-year-anniversary of her start for Critical Role! Awww, Dani! You’re so short in real life.

Fjord is stoked that the Star Razor is a Vestige, and more now that he knows in-character what that means. It was great to see Allura react the way she did.

Jester doesn’t think they can really go to Nicodranas - they don’t have anymore time. Even more, Jester’s avoiding going home because she doesn’t want the Ruby to see that she got aged up/hurt on her travels.

Travis honestly assumes that the TTs are spying on them 100% of the time now.

Does Jester feel better now that the crest is away from Lucien? Yes, even though it’s gone off course. She thought dropping the crest where they were was a HORRIBLE idea and was appalled so many people were suggesting it. She saw the city with her own eyes, knows the danger of what’s coming, and if they had dropped it in flight she would have dropped with it and defended it as long as she could if that’s what would have kept them from getting it.

Travis thinks that if they can negotiate with Lucien, they should try. Everyone is super worried about Caleb’s and Beau’s new eyes and are fully anticipating they’re on a clock at this point. They wonder if it’ll drive up their exhaustion, allow Lucien to force them to fight against them, maybe make them willing slaves to the mysterious voice...they need to solve it sooner rather than later.

And that’s all for tonight! New episode this Thursday - usual time, usual place. Stay warm, friends, and is it Thursday yet?

#talks machina #talks machina spoilers #critical role #critical role spoilers #long post for ts

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theravennest · 3 years ago

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Let’s Talk About Shang Chi...

I just got back from seeing Shang Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings. I had a great time with it. Just a lovely experience.

The fights were dope. The music was rocking. The actors’ performances really sold me on everything. I loved all the Xianxia elements. Y’all know fantasy worlds are my JAM!

But it was the characters that really drew me in. Every one of them were pitch perfect for me. The final act got a little jumbled, imo, but the characters and their dynamics were so good that it was enough for me to completely forgive and overlook the somewhat messy final battle.

The story had a lot of heart. It was so personal and so anchored in real emotions. I highkey fell in love with all the main characters. I love their journeys and their complex and grounded relationships with each other. I really liked the movie’s examination of grief, loss, and pain and the lengths people will go to in the wake of being overwhelmed by those feelings.

Let’s dig into it! This is gonna be a whole discombobulated mess, I just know it. lmao

***Spoilers below the cut!***

I really felt for Shang Chi, Xialing, and Wenwu struggling to figure out how to be a family again after they were all broken in different ways by the loss of Mama Ying Li. And each one of them trying in their own way to heal from it, some to extremely destructive degrees.

How Wenwu treated his kids after being consumed by grief and violence was so utterly messed up but in two completely different ways.

He treated Xialing like she was anathema, like she was literally nothing. Even when they were older and she had grown into an adult, he barely spoke to her in the entirety of the movie, could hardly even look at her. Partially because she looked like her mom and he retreated utterly from the pain of that, and partially because he constantly underestimated her in favor of her brother. This, of course, seeded the resentful tension between Xialing and Shang Chi from the start.

I’m a real sucker for sibling dynamics, as you all know. They’re my favorite types of family-oriented stories. (Side note, I really love the way the MCU has dedicated several stories to sibling relationships. It’s like my favorite thing in the MCU as a whole.)

I completely ate up the harsh and tricky relationship between Xialing and Shang Chi. Shang Chi completely let her down when they were kids, for her POV. (Not really his fault, he was a scared and traumatized 15 year old. Totally understandable.) But there is something to be said about the fact that she was also a child. A child dealing with her mom’s death too AND her dad’s aloofness. Then she was utterly abandoned by her brother. It’s no wonder she never quite forgives him, even though they mostly team up in the movie. They still have a lot to work out between them.

I really loved that she took on leadership of the Ten Rings at the end. The moment Shang Chi said she was “dismantling” their dad’s empire, I knew what was up. Though, the softy in me does hope that eventually they can find true reconciliation between them. I’m excited to see what we’ll see from her in future movies as a potential enemy of Shang Chi. It’ll be really interesting to see how Shang Chi tackles having to go up against his little sister.

And Shang Chi!!! OMG! Let’s talk Shang Chi and Wenwu now. When Wenwu drop kicked him into the ground and started the blame game for Mama Ying Li’s death like bro!!! I was so heated. He was 7 years old. A whole baby! She died because your thousand years of violence and conquering shit finally came home to roost.

But that one line when Wenwu said Shang Chi’s 7 year old self “just stood there and watched” while his mom was killed actually revealed so much about Wenwu’s character. (The cutting way Tony Leung, a literal legend, delivered that was masterful, btw.)

I actually think that it was the first time Wenwu has ever verbalized that he blamed Shang Chi for Ying Li’s death. Like maybe he’s always felt that way and all this time he was partially punishing Shang Chi for what he thinks of as a failure to protect or help the woman who meant so much to them.

Like, yes, he was training Shang Chi to take his place with him in the Ten Rings as an assassin but maybe he also wanted Shang Chi to kill his mom’s murderer as penance for letting her die in the first place.

Of course, it’s clear to see that Wenwu was absolutely shifting his own feelings of conflicting guilt onto his kids. Guilt that his past as a warlord is what got her killed. But also guilt that he put down the Ten Rings in the first place when if he had stayed a warlord, this never would have happened. But also the bone deep knowledge that if he hadn’t put down the Rings, Ying Li might never have stayed with him and loved him in the first place.

When Shang Chi threw it back at him that Ying Li probably wouldn’t love the person Wenwu had returned to, Wenwu looked so shook up. Phew! Perfect emoting from Tony Leung in that moment.

Honestly, Wenwu was having a very tragic and confusing time of it in this movie. Which is probably how that creature from beyond was able to find a crack in his psychic defenses and lure him to the gate. I had a lot of empathy for him even though I disagree so much with what he did to his kids, emotionally.

I really respect the fact that the movie never lost that sense of compassion for all of their feelings including Wenwu. I also respect that the movie really gave them space to grieve not just the loss of Ying Li but also the resulting dissolution of their happy family.

It’s just too bad that Wenwu’s grief made him push his kids away instead of pulling them closer. He completely emotionally abandoned them. A thousand years of power and supremacy yet he was broken because he never in that time fully learned how to process his emotions in a healthier way and his kids paid the price. They could’ve leaned on each other and on the love they found with Ying Li to help them get through but alas that’s the tragedy of the movie.

I really wanted somehow for Shang Chi to make it through to his dad before he went too far to come back again. I genuinely did not want to see Wenwu die at the end. I wanted him to live and see Shang Chi’s changing dynamic with his father continue. I wanted to see him finally acknowledge his daughter as his true heir and see her accomplishments (dark though they will likely become considering the “softer” version of her is the one that ran an illegal fight club in Macao lmao).

Though I am happy Shang Chi got through to him enough at the end for Wenwu to save Shang Chi’s life, willingly pass the rings onto his son, and somewhat accept his own death after a thousand years of life. That was such a poignant moment between them. And I wonder if in that instant, Wenwu had the thought that in dying he’d at least see Ying Li again.

(Side note: I really hope his soul and the souls of everyone that got eaten were freed when Shang Chi killed the monster. I really want them to be able to move on to the next phase of existence. I really hope they weren’t destroyed after being eaten. I want Wenwu to reunite with Ying Li even in the afterlife, gotdamnit! Sue me, I’m a romantic.)

Let’s talk Simu Liu’s performance here for one second. He was incredible throughout. I completely bought into this strange but so real feeling that while he has a lot of anger towards his father, so much hurt, he also felt a lot of heartache and love for who Shang Chi wanted him to be. And the strange desire to want to help a man who emotionally scarred him so badly.

Simu really brought both sides of Shang Chi’s journey to life. Like, he was tying to find his own path, reconcile with the mistakes he’s made in the past (his sister, killing his mom’s murderer), and facing up against his father’s ideals and expectations. But there was also a side of Shang Chi’s journey that was about finally understand both his sister and his father’s point of views, and of learning/embracing his mother’s history.

That moment by the lake when he revealed to Katy that he had actually killed the man who killed his mother. Whew boy! The emotions were so poignant. Simu Liu played it like *chef’s kiss* beautiful.

Speaking of character choices, I really rate this decision to have him actually go through with the assassination. It puts Shang Chi in an interesting position emotionally and somewhat morally. Instead of having his breaking point be him unable to kill as his father wishes, it’s instead the feeling of guilt and shame that he actually did kill the man.

I wonder if he felt a sense of satisfaction before the disgust and shame settled in. Because Shang Chi literally watched his mom die, he probably initially wanted to help his father hunt down the man because of that bit of dark need for vengeance. Until he got it, and felt ashamed to fully face his mother’s memory afterwards.

I’m interested to see how future Shang Chi movies and Simu will dig into and unpack that little bit of darkness these events instilled in the character.

Let’s talk Ying Li for a second here. This woman was incredible. An incredible martial artist, for sure, a mystical guardian and warrior...but she was also just an incredible person in general. Mama Ying Li was so self-assured, so steadfast in her convictions. She struck me as someone who knows exactly what she wants and is never afraid to reach for it.

Fala Chen portrayed her with such grace, warmth, and strength of character. It was extremely easy to see why Wenwu fell in love with her. She met Wenwu, a literal thousand year old warlord, and through shear strength of character led him to put down his weapons and his empire to make a home with her.

This man threw away his entire shadow army of assassins, threw away his whole plan to literally demolish her village in the pursuit of power...in order to play Dance Dance Revolution with her and their kids. (The highlight of their romance and the family flashbacks, for me, tbh.)

And I know it’s not necessarily...positive BUT there is something...hmmmm, crunchy in the fact that Ying Li so completely altered Wenwu’s life by simply loving him that when she died he was willing to raze the whole world to get her back, damn the consequences.

Trying to properly explore toxic and negative turns in previously loving family dynamics is such a difficult task to take on. I really liked the complexity of the Xu family. All the actors really sold the family side of things. It was an almost tangible thing how much you could see how the love they felt had turned bitter and painful over the years.

The final battle was epic and mind blowing (There was a fucking DRAGON flying around for gods’ sake!) but I do wish it had stayed a little more grounded for longer in the beginning of it when the Ten Rings were fighting the Ta Lo warriors. I wanted to see more of that fight before they had the turn to becoming temporary allies against the soul suckers. It became a little too much of a CGI mash, for me, in some parts of it.

Still, the emotional beats held and the core of the story of this grieving family trying to hold on to the tatters of their world stayed consistent even through the final battle. I can forgive a lot because of the strong sense of character and connection there.

Plus, it’s a comic book movie. Spectacle is the name of the game and at least this one had cool fantasy beasts and dope fight choreo.

Anyway, I’ve rambled enough. Let’s wrap it up here. Suffice it to say, I had a wonderful time with this movie. I’m ready for the next one!

#shang chi #shang chi and the legend of the ten rings #mcu #xu shang-chi #simu liu #tony leung #xu wenwu #meng'er zhang #xu xialing #ying li #fala chen #mcu spoilers #shang chi spoilers #liveblogging

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bjornswoman · 4 years ago

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Heart's healer

Requested by none.

Author's note: Hey guys! I hope you like my imagines. I don't really know what else to say to this things.😂 I will just say have a nice day.

Pairing: Bjorn x Reader.

Genre: Smut, romance, fluff(?).

Summary: Reader decides to finally talk to Bjorn.

Warnings: Smut, mention of insecurities, unprotected sex, strong language.

You were running through the camp to find him. You needed to find him. You bumped into people and they shouted to you angrily.

"Watch out woman!"

"Watch yourself!"

But you didn't care about them, all you wanted was to find Bjorn Ironside. You shouted to people too, to move away, but they didn't listen to you and kept shouting when you bumped into them.

"Hey, hey, (Y/N)! Why are you running?" Helga stopped you and you finally took a proper breath. You tried to spot Bjorn, but he was nowhere to he found.

"I have to find Bjorn, we spotted some trackers, we killed them and now I need to find Bjorn." You said quickly, ready to start running again, but Helga stopped you. Her hand grabbed your softly. She had always been something like a mother to you. Floki and her, you had always considered them as your family and they had considered you as their daughter.

"You should finally tell him. Now is your chance. Porunn has left him all alone, he needs you, he and little Siggy need you. She needs a mother and he needs a wife. He needs someone to love him for his soul and not his name and there is no better woman than you, (Y/N)." She said softly to you, like mother would have said. The truth was that you loved Bjorn deeply. You had been in love with him since the first day you met him and that was when he came back to Kattegat with his mother to help his father take back his home. You became close friends and it hurt seeing him love Porunn and then getting hurt by her when she left him. You had always been by his side. Now you were fighting in Frankia his uncle, Rollo, you were again by his side.

"I'm afraid. What if he doesn't feel the same for me? I will destroy everything and I need him in my life." You spoke sadly. You knew that you had to tell him. You wouldn't bear seeing him with another woman ever again, but you were a coward when it came to love. You were a brave and strong shieldmaiden and you weren't afraid of death, but you were afraid of Bjorn Ironside and his rejection to your feelings about him.

"Hey, look at me, girl!" Helga commanded and her hand lifted you by your chin so you could look at her face. "Have you ever seen the way he looks at you? He feels the same for you, he loves you, but he is hurt. That woman hurt him and he will never trust someone that easily. He loves you but he is afraid to tell you, his heart broke once, now you need to heal her. Can you do that, (Y/N)?" She told you. You listened to her carefully and your heart broke. You knew that Bjorn was heart after that idiot, but you never thought thay he loved you back. You nodded at Helga, before you start talking.

"Yes, I can do that. I love Bjorn more than I can think and.... and I will try to heal his aching heart." You said and a tear threatened to drop from your eye. Helga smiled and caressed your cheek.

"That's what I thought. Now go find him." She told you. You smiled to her and you started running to find your beloved Bjorn.

"Bjorn!" You yelled at him when you finally found him. He turned to you and stop sharpening his blade. He frowned when he saw you. You tried to catch your breath to tell him about the trackers and then to finally reveal your feelings.

"What is it, woman?" He asked and stepped closer to you.

"We spotted some trackers, we killed them, but there will more. What should we do?" You told when you caught your breath. Your eyes were gazing to his blue ones. You loved his eyes, you loved everything on him. You loved Bjorn.

"Good job, but you should watching, in case there are more. My uncle will sent more and more, until he knows were our camp is." He said in stable tone and you nodded.

"I will tell the others." You said and you were ready to leave, but you had to tell him and this was the time, now or never. You close your eyes to gain confidence and took a deep breath. "There is..... there is something more that I need to tell you." You spoke timidly. He looked at you frowned again. You paused for a moment. You didn't know how to start, you had never been good with words.

"Woman, speak!" He commanded when you didn't talk. You took one more deep breath before you act. You weren't good at talking, so you would act.

"Fuck it!" You said. You grabbed his armor and pulled him closer to you, after that you pressed your lips to his. His lips were soft as silk on yours. He didn't stop the kiss, he kissed you back roughly. His hands were placed to your hils and he gripped them tightly, so tightly that there would be for sure marks.

When you pulled away, smile formed to both of your faces.

"You needed to tell me something, tell it, (Y/N)." He said amd pulled you closer to him by your waist. You cleared your throat.

"Well, I am not good at this, but I will try for you. I love you Bjorn Ironside. I have been in love with since the first moment I laid my eyes on you. I know that your heart is broken and I ensure you that I will do everything to heal her if you let me, Bjorn. I am not her, I will never let you, I promise you that." You confessed and blushed at your own words. He grinned and leaned his forehead to yours.

"I love you too, (Y/N) and I trυst you with my heart. I know you are not like her. You unique, my dear (Y/N). Everyone would want to have a woman like you." He spoke and kissed you again. His hands touched your waist and he lifted you up, you wrapped your legs around his huge torso and placed your hands around his neck. He leaded you both to his tent and laid you on his furs.

He kissed you mouth hungrily and without stop your kiss he tried to take off his armor, you helped him. He took off yohr armor too and before his hands find the laces of your tunic, you stopped him and pulled away from him. He frowned in confusion.

"Isn't this happening too quickly? I am not that kind of woman, the woman that you will have for a couple of nights." You spoke. Your insecurities were bumping into your mind and you couldn't stop thinking about him, but him hurting you. He exhaled a deep breath and laid next to you on his furs.

"I know that. I had known that since the first time I laid my eyes on you. I don't want you for just a couple nights, I want you for every night. Haven't we waited too long for this?" He spoke softly to you and he caressed your belly. You felt that thing growing on your belly. His words were right. You waited too long for this moment. You chuckled.

"I have been waiting for too long, Bjorn Ironside. You had your wife to warm your bed when I had just you on my mind." You said playfully and he smiled. He came on top of you and his his mouth attacked your neck when his hands untied the laces of your tunic. He took it off and then took off his tunic too.

You tried to reach his pants to unty them, but he didn't let you.

"Don't be greedy, little one. I want to know your all of your body, before I finally feel you." He told you and the skin of his bare chest touched yours and your body shivered at this. You had wanted to feel his body up to yours for a very long time. His hands were traveling up and down your body hungrily. He gripped some parts of it and you moaned insanely under him. He wanted to leave his marks on your body, so everyone could see that you belonged to him and only him.

"Bjorn! Stop tormenting me!" You cried and he laughed devilishly. He loved it. He wanted to push you over the edge. He was kissing all the parts of your body and you tried to keep your calm, but he didn't like you calm. He wanted to hear your moans, so he bit your body, just to make you moan and you did it. But the truth to be told, he wanted to feel himself inside you too, but first he wanted to know you, to know your body well enough.

"Just a little more, I promise you." He spoke and continued to kiss and bite your body and you were moaned. You tried not to scream but it was impossible with him doing all this to your body.

"Bjorn, people will listen." You tried to whisper, he laughed again.

"I don't really care, my love. Let them hear you moaning under me. Let them know that from now on you will be my woman." He spoke and finally kissed your mouth.

He placed himself between your legs and he took off his pants. He thrusted his big member inside you, hitting your core. You bit his shoulder to not moan. He liked it more than your little moans. He liked your marks on him, like the marks he had already had from the battles that he had attended so far.

He pounded roughly into you and you tried to scream. Your mouth attacked his neck, so you couldn't moan anymore, but that didn't help either. He gripped firmly your body and licked your exposed nipple.

"Bjorn...." You moaned and he bit it, making you moan a little louder than before. You couldn't keep your release anymore. Your walls clenched his member and he growled. You tried to warn him that you were about to release yourself, but no word could form in your throat.

"Cum with me, woman." He spoke and both of you released yourselves. His seed spilled inside your inner walls and you came around his big member.

He didn't pull away from you, he just laid on your body and his huge hands wrapped firmly around your smaller torso. His head laid on your breasts and your hands caressed his back.

"When we go back, we will marry." He spoke and a huge smile formed on your face. You couldn't prevent it. You wanted this. You wanted to marry Bjorn more than anything else in the world. You wanted to have a common future on his side.

#bjorn lothbrok #bjorn ragnarsson #bjorn ironside #vikings bjorn #bjorn x reader #bjorn imagine #vikings imagine #vikings x reader

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ilovebokutokoutaro · 3 years ago

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Chapter 7:

*y/n's pov*

For a second i thought things would never end well, maybe it was because every chapter brought to me, a series of unwanted and unanswerable questions. When i saw that girl, namely kaori's face it almost felt like the past was repeating itself.

Even if didn't remember half of whatever happened to the woman who lingered around me as if the world belonged to her, it was crystal clear how i watched her with so much attentiveness. Sometimes i felt as if she was a part of me and maybe...she is. I vividly remember the dreams in which I was there, as her.

The burning in the chest everytime i thought about sukuna wasn't normal, it wasn't just a fear of his power, it wasn't just a mere longing, it was as if i had seen this all happen before. it was painful, it was tragic and a beautiful soul that now i called with my own name yet the feels felt so different had me wanting to scream in all the agony.

At one point i wanted to get rid of her or burn myself, i wanted to watch my flesh melt away into a puddle. all she ever bought me was pain ever since she came into my life.....i remember seeing this dream first time when i was 5 but i would never understand at that point of life, i remember how i ran into my brother's room sobbing, i was terrified of him, the man who broke her, yet her energy bought me to fall asleep on my brother's chest as he swayed me back and forth.

From then on every feeling of romance every feeling of happiness brought a weird feeling of longingness, I couldn't explain, i couldn't word it out to my brother so i chose not to. It was a kind of pain I didn't understand so i burried it deep inside, and when i saw him inside itadori for the first time, when his eyes met mine for the first time that night, i craved his warmth so much that resisting myself from jumping on him had my head spinning.

It was as if everything was blacked out and only we existed but then again i knew i would never be the one by his side and it hurt.

After that, day and day again i would have to meet itadori and it felt as if my heart strings were being played by an unprofessional guitarist, oh the sound wasn't so pleasant as you can tell.

"y/n! Are u even listening?!" A shrill yell of my name had me snapping out of the Trance and come back to reality. "you are going to kaori- san around okay i won't take no as an answer, alright I'm gonna leave now" and before i could even look up from my lap he was gone.

'Oh! my dear brother, why do you always do me like this i swear to fucking God' i cursed him in my brain before standing up. "Um.. hello" her voice was dripping with kindness and i swore I've heard this voice whining before-

"uh well let's go I'll show you around" my words were hurried as i collected my stuff refusing to make eye contact with the Girl as if my life depended on it. I walked out of the room in an almost running away as i waited for her to follow me.

As we rushed down, no. I rushed down, i could hear her heals clicking aggresively against the floor probably to match my fast af pace. Meeting kugisaki was probably the most normal interaction I've ever had. meanwhile, megumi kept staring at me with an expression I couldn't quite comprehend, hah he probably knows I'm very bothered by this girl or everything in general.

I chose to ignore his piercing gaze and walked towards itadori's room, to which megumi hesitantly went back inside his room.

As i knocked at itadori's door, i heard a few curse words followed by shuffling and things falling down, before a disheveled itadori popped out of the room, he looked like he hasn't slept for a few days now, but that's s none of the problem i can handle rn.

Cuz the second, his eyes met mine, both our faces flushed red for some reason. The awkward moment was interrupted by the girl's sweet high pitched voice, "hello" she greeted itadori, and ig there's something he knows cuz all the color in his face had drained the moment he laid eyes on her.

It was as if i could see inside him, i could feel sukuna's energy all well, he was craving to jump out and i had pushed kaori away saying itadori is sick, i told him a quick goodbye and see you later, and when my eyes turned back to kaori, she was a blushing mess and i felt a breaking feeling inside me.

Oh god please don't let it end like last time.

Series masterlist

#jjk imagines #jjk itadori #jjk ryomen #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen ryomen #jujutsu sorcerer #jujutsu kaisen x reader #ryomen x reader #ryomen sukuna #sukuna angst

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ahgaseda · 4 years ago

Text

aura | three

driving me crazy, look in my eyes, follow me, come here, dance with me now, I’m gonna make you feel like that...

summary : back again at a camp for kids that can’t behave, you are still brokenhearted over your ill-fated romance with Jaebeom, until your friend Jackson offers to help make your ex jealous in exchange for helping him land the most unattainable girl at camp.

warnings : strong profanity, explicit dialogue, recurring alcohol or recreational drug use, graphic sexual content, brief mentions of illegal activities, potentially triggering elements involving toxic relationships and emotional manipulation, etc.

miniseries chapters : one / two / three / four / five / six / seven

Every step down the path was slowed by dread and anxiety. The auditorium sat on a small hill, looming over the rest of the camp, and the sight made your stomach turn each time you laid eyes on it.

Such an unassuming building and yet it still shot nerves through you.

Entering through the double doors, you were blasted by air conditioning, which was a bit excessive with the crisp morning air. You simpered when you made eye contact with a few of the other campers. It was a small group, as to be expected for these little sessions.

Then, your gaze shifted to the wall where Jaebeom was leaning back and had just looked up at the sound of the door opening.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” you groaned, wanting to march right back out. Fate was such a cruel bitch.

Jaebeom cocked his head at your reaction, following you with his eyes, and asked sweetly, “Sleep well?”

“Yes,” you replied, curt, avoiding his stare.

Jaebeom shifted closer and whispered, “Did you think of me last night?”

If only you knew how you had filled his thoughts and dreams. Those kisses in the pool still made his heart race.

Smirking with a chance to torment him, you retorted, “Not even once. My mind is full of Jackson and how good his head looked between my thighs.”

Jaebeom frowned, the blood draining from his face. Hearing about your escapades with Jackson made him insane, like being dragged through pieces of broken glass.

“That bastard,” Jaebeom huffed under his breath.

Your arrogance faded and you turned somber. Part of you realized that you were giving yourself away to spite him. It was like trying to heal a burn by directly applying more fire.

Doctor Ambrose stepped inside, greeting everyone with her signature smile. “Good morning. Are we ready to begin?”

No one was. Not one of these poor souls wanted to discuss their daddy or mommy issues in group form. But it was mandated by the camp and having been attending for many years, you were accustomed to dodging.

You and the others followed Doctor Ambrose into the main auditorium, approaching a ring of folding chairs waiting on the stage. You swallowed the lump in your throat and avoided a look at Jaebeom as you took a seat.

This was the room where it happened - where you surrendered your virtuous flower. Blah, blah, blah, you thought to yourself. Eventually, you were going to have to come to terms with the fact you were less bitter about losing your virginity and more broken at having lost your heart.

The theater was the one place no one bothered to lock after curfew since it was solely used for group sessions and the occasional motivational speech, but if someone did remember to lock up, the door code was common knowledge. Guys went there to blaze up. Girls went to sneak drinks.

Jaebeom had brought you inside. The relationship had grown and was leading to a physical consummation of your feelings for each other. You knew exactly what would happen. After all, you had snuck out of your cabin in the middle of the night to meet a boy beneath the stars.

You let him lay you down on the stage, behind the heavy velvet curtain. Jaebeom at least had the wherewithal to put his jacket down for you to rest on.

You stole a glance of the shadow behind the curtain, not too far from where you sat, and your expression soured. You could still remember the rampant beating of your heart when Jaebeom kissed you with all he had and laid you down beneath him.

The memory raced across your mind in steady bursts. Your eyes burned at how gentle he had been with you, how loving. Jaebeom convinced you that he was madly in love and that there was a future between you and him.

And you were such a fool to believe it. You were over the moon thinking you had finally found love in the most unlikely of places. With someone you trusted. Someone you considered a friend.

Taking a deep breath, you were officially angry.

The time spent with Jackson had taken off the rose-colored glasses. You were able to see your affair with Jaebeom for what it was. And though you were still hopelessly in love with him, you were mad as hell for what he had done to you.

Doctor Ambrose called your name and began, “Let’s start with you. Why don’t you tell us the behavior that warranted your presence back at camp this year?”

You crossed your legs and sang, “Oh, where to begin, Doc? I lied. I cheated. I stole. Short of murder, my rap sheet is long.”

“You’ve been coming here for many years and you know that’s not what these sessions are about,” she chided, giving you a stern look. “Skip the bravado and get straight to the real talk.”

You narrowed your eyes. Ambrose always did hit the nail on the head. That’s why she was one of the few people at this godforsaken place that held everyone’s respect. Which was impressive in its own right since you and your fellow rich, troubled kids had very little respect for anyone.

But if Doctor Ambrose thought you were going to bear your soul to a room full of people that didn’t give a damn about you - Jaebeom included - she was sorely mistaken.

You sighed and continued, “I’m sure it’s common knowledge by now that I had a terrible lapse in judgement last summer and that lapse in judgement had a lot of unforeseen consequences.”

Jaebeom was unmoving in his seat, but his eyes were heavy on you.

Ambrose gave you her undivided attention and spoke softly, “Go on.”

You shrugged, hoping to hide just how miserably the words were coming from your mouth. “I lashed out. I cycled through all of my emotions and when they were too painful, I did something bad. Something that distracted me from how angry or hurt I was. Classic reckless human behavior.”

Her response was blunt, but genuine, “It’s called self-destructive behavior and you were punishing yourself for the pain someone else inflicted on you.”

You studied her, wanting to smack this woman across the face for defining you in a single sentence. “Forget psychiatrist,” you scoffed. “You’re a psychic.”

“I know you,” Ambrose said tenderly. “And you are not defined by your mistakes.”

You rolled your eyes, though you would love to believe that. “We all are, Doctor Ambrose,” you told her morosely. Then, your tone shifted, “Now, please take the spotlight off of me before I do something bad. Like I said, it’s what I’m known for.”

Ambrose exhaled loudly, conflicted, but decided not to push you. Turning to the next participant, she called, “Jaebeom, your turn.”

Jaebeom was still looking at you.

“Why don’t you tell us the activities that landed you back for yet another summer here?”

Jaebeom grumbled, “I’m a dick. The end.”

A few of the other attendees chortled.

“Jaebeom, everyone here knows you’re more complex than that,” Ambrose shot back.

“Am I?”

She cocked her head. “You don’t think so.”

“Ask her,” Jaebeom said, waving his hand in your direction. “Everyone knows what I did.”

You didn’t dare look at him, offering no absolution. You kept your gaze firmly rooted to Doctor Ambrose, who was now glancing between the two of you suspiciously.

Tapping her pen, Ambrose ordered, “After this group session I want to see both of you in my office.”

Your heart sank and you pleaded, “But, Doctor Ambrose…”

“Moving on,” she cut you off.

You folded your arms tightly across your chest in defiance, stiff in your seat. Jaebeom stretched out his legs and braced his arms on his thighs, keeping his head low.

Tuning out the conversations going around the circle of other campers discussing their toxic and sometimes illegal activities, you could only think about how angry you were. How it was billowing and growing inside of you until it threatened to burst.

Though Jaebeom was in the seat beside yours, he felt an entire world away. What had you done to him to deserve this? And for fuck’s sake, why couldn’t you stop loving him? If you fell in love with someone, couldn’t you ultimately fall back out?

Stealing a glance in the corner of your eye, Jaebeom looked up at that same moment and your eyes met. You looked away immediately, bitter and vengeful, but Jaebeom persisted. For someone who prided himself on being set in his ways, he couldn’t stand how you spun him on his edge.

You made him want to risk it all.

When the group session ended, Ambrose twirled the pen between her fingers and said, “I suppose we can forgo my office and just speak here.”

“We have nothing to talk about,” Jaebeom spoke up, venomous.

“I think there’s plenty,” she asserted, studying you intently. “Wanna tell me about it?”

Your eyes glistened when they met hers. You wanted to tell her she was right. That you had punished yourself for a year because you fell for a boy - the wrong boy. It was stupid. It was juvenile. And you resented yourself to hell and back for it.

“You wouldn’t understand,” you finally murmured, voice shaky.

She smiled, comforting. “Try me.”

Jaebeom could see you were about to crack. He could hear the weakness seeping into your words. Running a hand through his hair, he blurted out, “It’s my fault.”

Ambrose questioned levelly, “How so?”

“Be quiet,” you hissed.

“I fucked up,” Jaebeom confessed.

“Language,” she corrected loosely.

Jaebeom frowned. “I seduced her. I convinced her I was in love.”

“And were you?”

“No, I…,” Jaebeom trailed, like he couldn’t bring himself to say it. “I don’t know.”

You glared with nothing short of loathing at the floor.

Ambrose was putting the pieces together and she didn’t hesitate to scold, “What was your purpose, Jaebeom? What were you trying to achieve?”

Jaebeom paused a moment. Then, he finally admitted, “I was trying to get her into bed.”

Ambrose clocked a glance at you and said, “I’m assuming you succeeded.”

Your breaths came faster. Your heart was revving like the engine of Jackson’s blood red Corvette. Any minute you were going to explode.

“I went too far,” Jaebeom mulled, scratching his head. “I had never gone that far before, but I was addicted. I had no idea it would… I didn’t know she would…”

“You’re full of shit,” you snapped.

Doctor Ambrose called your name, giving you the same warning about profanity.

You leveled your scowl at Jaebeom, who had already bowed his head in submission or shame, and sneered, “I will never believe a word you say. You knew exactly what you were doing. You wanted someone to hurt as much as you hurt.”

Jaebeom still couldn’t meet your eyes. Pathetic, he thought to himself, but he couldn’t face your wrath. He couldn’t see the pain manifested on your beautiful face.

“Congratulations,” you continued, rising to your feet. “I know how you feel and I almost derailed my life because of you!”

Ambrose held out a hand amicably. “Please, sit.”

“No, I’m out of here,” you barked, gritting your teeth to keep the tears at bay. “And if you plan on physically making me stay in the same room with this asshole a minute longer, my stepfather’s attorneys would love to blow this shit wide open.”

Doctor Ambrose gave you a nod and sat back down.

Your steps echoed through the frigid silence of the auditorium and you nearly knocked the doors off their hinges when you pushed them open to escape outside.

When you had gone, Jaebeom exhaled heavily.

Ambrose looked at him. She could see the guilt weighing down his shoulders and though she didn’t want to take pity on him after what you had just revealed, compassion was a cornerstone of who she was as a person.

“Jaebeom, it goes without saying, but I’m going to say it,” Ambrose whispered for his ears only. “Breaking other people doesn’t fix you.”

Jaebeom stood to full height without another word and skulked away, hiding his teary eyes behind his long black hair.

“The nerve of that bitch! I know that she knows what happened last summer,” you vented, pacing back and forth in front of Jackson as he sat on the edge of the bed. “Everyone on the east coast knows by now. I had to hear about it for the first month of school on a daily basis!”

“I know,” Jackson replied patiently.

You tried to mimic the voices of the nosy, gossiping girls back home, “‘Can you believe she spread her legs for him? Did she really think he loved her? I thought she was smart. Turns out she’s a dumb whore like the rest of us!’”

Jackson grimaced. He remembered that morning, when you told him you slept with Jaebeom. You were so happy, so sure of what you wanted. And he knew it was going to unravel, leaving you holding all the pieces. “No one said that.”

“Everyone said that, Jacks! Admit it,” you yelled.

Of course, they did. Jackson had never threatened so many people in his life. Jackson had a lot of friends, but he only had one best friend. Whenever they spoke of you and Jaebeom, it made his skin crawl. Made his fists clench on instinct.

He was supposed to protect you.

Jackson rose from the bed, grasping your arms and staring you in the face. “Who cares what other people say? I sure as shit don’t!”

You cast your gaze down, shifting from angry to sad. “And he really sat there acting like he didn’t think I would take it so personally,” you whispered, trembling.

Jackson gathered you in his arms, squeezing tight. “He’s an idiot. It is known,” he quipped dryly.

You pulled back and sighed, “Maybe we should just fuck.”

Jackson frowned, but quickly hid his disappointment with a swift, “I’m not in the mood.”

You quirked a brow. “Seriously?”

Jackson released you and teased, “Yeah, I’m not a faucet.”

You let a smirk play at your lips and reached for his belt. “What if I…”

Jackson grabbed your wrists and chided you so sternly you almost faltered, “Listen. You are more than sex. You understand me?”

There were very few occasions Jackson reprimanded you and he always snared your full attention when it happened. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you murmured, “...Okay.”

Jackson simpered. “You don’t need to fuck. You need a hug.”

You chuckled, squeaking in surprise when he pulled you to his chest faster than you thought possible. You smiled, burying your face against his neck as he enveloped you in his embrace.

It was exactly what you needed.

You set your hands to his shoulders, feeling burly muscles underneath. Jackson always radiated heat and energy, and you were content to let him hold you forever. Jackson was warmth and safety.

He was home.

After a moment, you blurted to alleviate the tension, “Can we go get food?”

Jackson exclaimed, “I thought you’d never ask.”

The two of you walked arm in arm to the mess hall. It had been ungodly, the hour you woke to attend your group therapy session, but it meant you were starving for breakfast and the smell that hit your nose when you entered the dining room made you salivate on the spot.

Approaching the line, Jackson said, “Damn it. I forgot to tell you I’m sitting with Yeona today.”

“Oh,” you replied, remembering you didn’t get a chance to talk to him much after you had pounced on him. “I take it everything went well last night.”

“Yeah, we hit it off. I’m laying the groundwork.”

You rolled your eyes. Part of you was rooting in Yeona’s corner, that she stick to her guns and save herself for someone who loved her. The other part felt guilty as hell for being part of the same scheme that destroyed you last summer.

Pushing those thoughts aside, you told him, “I think I want some alone time to myself anyway. I’ll sit in the corner.”

Jackson eyed you worriedly. “Are you sure? I can totally blow her off.”

“Positive,” you insisted, beaming at the gesture. “Go with Yeona. You two would make a really cute couple.”

“Ha. Ha,” said Jackson in mock laughter.

Together you got your food and then parted in the aisleway. Yeona smiled when Jackson joined her by the window and you vaguely wished happiness for them. Jackson wasn’t like Jaebeom.

Maybe Yeona would be good for Jackson. She could help him work through his commitment issues. You had seen firsthand what his parents’ marriage had done to him. It was no surprise he broke off relationships as soon as they started to become serious.

Taking the empty table in the corner, you backed against the wall. Pulling a magazine out of your purse, you placed it next to your tray and opened to a random page, biting into your toasted bagel.

Jaebeom leaned against the adjacent door frame, hands in his pockets. He was sporting his trademarked leather jacket and his hair had strayed into his eyes while watching you.

He was at war with himself over what to say.

First and foremost he wanted to apologize, but Lim Jaebeom had way too much pride for that. Secondly, he considered offering you a better deal than whatever Jackson was giving you, but given your furor at the group session, Jaebeom knew better than to stoke your wrath again.

Jaebeom thought of all those times last summer when he caught himself staring at you. How could someone so beautiful and amazing be interested in the likes of him? You were confident and fearless, a little rough around the edges with a heart of gold. You were everything he aspired to be and you brought out the best in him without even knowing it.

By then, Jaebeom was in too deep. He could feel himself falling for you and he forbade himself from ever putting his heart on the line. And so he cut you loose.

Jaebeom remembered your face when he spoke those words. I never loved you. The joy left your face. The light fled your eyes. With four words, he had broken someone completely and it kept him awake at night.

Sex was a release for him. No more, no less. Jaebeom could fuck a girl and never see her again afterward, and it wouldn’t bother him for a second. After her - the woman that loved and left him - Jaebeom didn’t attach sex with emotion and certainly not intimacy or commitment.

Then, he had you. Suddenly, he wanted to wake up to you in the morning. He wanted to fall asleep in your arms every night. He didn’t fuck you… he made love to you. He felt passion for the first time in a long time. When it was over, he didn’t want to leave like he had always done. And that scared the shit out of him.

Jaebeom realized you had begun to heal him and he panicked.

Even now, Jaebeom wanted you back. He needed another chance. His first instinct was always to run when he felt emotions he didn’t understand, but he could fight back this time. He could change for you, couldn’t he?

When Jaebeom slid into the seat beside you, you weren’t the least bit surprised.

“What are you reading?” he asked nonchalantly, picking up the magazine and fanning the pages.

“Chick magazine,” you deadpanned. “There’s an article in there on Ten Ways to Achieve Female Orgasm. You should read it.”

Another snide jab at his bedroom skills. Jaebeom wrinkled his nose, but rebuffed you, “I only got one round with you. How do you know I couldn’t give you the best loving of your life?”

It was a provocative thought. You felt your heart stutter a little, but your mind was fully in control now, and you shot back, “Because I don’t think you know what love is.”

Jaebeom met your eyes and this time, you didn’t back down. “You know what I meant,” he huffed.

“So, I’m a mind reader now? Good to know,” you retorted, acerbic.

Jaebeom turned to you, leaning in and whispering, “Tonight. After curfew. Sneak out with me.”

You shook your head, mouth full of food. Swallowing, you told him coolly, “I have a regularly scheduled dick appointment with Jackson.”

“Cancel it,” Jaebeom said, appearing unaffected though it made him want to destroy Jackson a thousand times over. “I’ll have some wine. We can go to the lookout. You know, like old times.”

You scowled at him and yet, you wanted nothing more than to go back to those old times. Before you were stupid. Before you fell in love with him.

“Give me one good reason,” you hissed, taking a sip of your orange juice.

Jaebeom shifted, like the words pained him. More from pride than anything else. “I just want to talk to you. I miss you. As a friend.”

You didn’t say anything, but you shuffled your attention between him and Jackson. The latter was making Yeona laugh heartily and you felt a twinge of jealousy. Not from a place of malice, but a protectiveness over your best friend.

Jackson would tell you not to. He would tell Jaebeom to take a fucking hike.

Angling back to Jaebeom, you warned, “If you so much as grab my boob, I will kick you in the balls and leave you there.”

Jaebeom smiled, but quickly fought it. “That’s fair.”

“What time?”

“Eleven.”

You nodded. “Okay, I’ll meet you at the spot.”

Jaebeom rose and you were sad to see him go, but he added, “Nah, I will come to your cabin and get you. I don’t want you walking at night alone.”

You rolled your eyes. “Chivalry isn’t dead after all.”

Jackson stitched his brows, having listened to you recount the exchange to him back at his cabin.

“Of course, chivalry is dead,” your best friend exclaimed incredulously. “He killed it.”

“Jacks, please,” you whined. “He just wants to talk.”

“No, he doesn’t,” Jackson countered firmly and he looked a heartbeat away from combusting. “He hates that you’re sleeping with me. It’s jealousy. Plain and simple.”

You propped your hands on your hips, frustrated from arguing with him. “Wasn’t that the plan? To make him come after me again?”

Jackson remembered what had started all of this in the first place and he changed his tune. “Right, yeah, but this is just going the same route as last summer. You see that, right?”

“No, it’s not. I’m wiser now.”

Jackson approached briskly, taking you in his arms and roaming his hands around your waist. “You could just stay here with me,” he coaxed, voice a low growl. “I can eat that pussy like it’s my last meal.”

You snorted a laugh, but slipped out of his arms. “Nice try, but you were right. I’m more than just sex and I need to see where his head is at.”

Jackson sighed in defeat.

“Don’t wait up for me tonight,” you called back to him as you slipped through the door.

Jackson watched you go and stood rooted in place. Fuck, he was conflicted. Every instinct he had told him to stop you, but how could he? What right did he have to you in the first place?

He was just the guy you fucked to get back at another guy.

Jackson exhaled loudly through his nose. He could feel himself slipping, losing his nerve. Even when he sat with Yeona, making her smile and laugh, and noticing she leaned into his touches, his eyes still wandered to you. And when Jaebeom had appeared by your side, Jackson could feel his heart sinking into the bottom of his stomach.

Jackson reminded himself of the deal. He would get Yeona and you would get Jaebeom. That was it. Those were the terms you both agreed on and thus far, everything was going quite smoothly.

But Jackson was thinking of you and now he was thinking of Jaebeom touching you. And it made him want to die.

The day passed by at a glacial pace. By the time night fell, you began the long, arduous process of doing your hair and makeup. When there was a knock at the door, you had to stop yourself from sprinting across the room to answer.

Instead, you made his ass wait.

“Hey,” you greeted, stepping through and shutting the door behind you a moment later.

“Hey,” Jaebeom replied, scanning you over. “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you,” you said sweetly, noting the backpack slung over his shoulder. “What you got back there?”

“None of your business,” he teased. “Ready to go?”

You pursed your lips, watching Jaebeom turn and stride away, expecting you to follow. Which, of course, you did.

The lookout was a small patch of open field between the trees. It was the perfect spot for stargazing and late night makeout sessions. You and Jaebeom had spent many hours in this place. As did you and Jackson.

It was a place of clarity and self-reflection. Something about seeing the stars so clearly, away from the noise and smog of the city, made you feel a sense of belonging. That everything would be okay. Sooner or later.

Jaebeom dropped his backpack and began rifling through it. Reading your mind, he called, “Don’t sit yet.”

You were about to complain, but then he stood and fanned out a red flannel blanket, smoothing out the corners over the grass.

“Now, you can sit.”

You almost chuckled, but you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. Plopping down, you overlapped your ankles and watched him take the spot beside you.

“Wow, this is actually romantic,” you smarted, monotonous.

Jaebeom popped open the bottle of wine and took a swig. “I’m full of surprises,” he quipped, handing you the bottle.

A bit perturbed he had neglected to bring separate glasses, you took a sip and countered bitterly, “Not really. I remember all the romantic gestures and sweet words of last summer.”

Jaebeom sighed. So did he.

He had taken something so precious and innocent and filled it with poison. Jaebeom could have walked away at any point. And even worse, when all was said and done, he could have stayed.

There was a lull of silence and you didn’t mind. Jaebeom studied the stars, feigning interest. You turned your head, looking at his profile alight with the glow of the moon.

“Jaebeom, why did you bring me here?”

Jaebeom swallowed and whispered, “I hate myself for what I did to you.”

You frowned. “And what about all the other girls?”

Jaebeom shook his head, remorseful only for you. “They weren’t naive. They weren’t inexperienced,” he explained, somber. “They weren’t my friends. They weren’t you.”

You narrowed your eyes. The anger was pooling in your belly again. And your next question was scathing, “So, what sets me apart is that you hurt me the most?”

“Yes,” Jaebeom said, feeling small. “And you didn’t deserve it.”

You cried, “Why me?”

“You were the holy grail. Every guy wanted you.”

Biting back tears, you whimpered, “You talk about me like I’m not a person.”

Jaebeom realized that and he looked away, mulling over if he could put his feelings into words for once. “Would you believe me if I said that looking back I meant the things I said to you - that I loved every moment we spent together last summer?”

You thought about it for a moment and then you answered, “No. It’s what I’ve wanted you to say and yet. . . I don’t believe you. Everything you said and did was the means to an end.”

Jaebeom didn’t deny it. “I thought so, too. But when I got home, you were all I could think about. I wanted to see you and hold you. I missed having you in my life.”

The tears were flowing freely now and you turned your head away.

Jaebeom came closer, cupping your cheek and wiping the tears with his thumb.

You sobbed, “Why did you do this?”

“Shh, baby,” he whispered under his breath.

“You hate yourself for hurting me. I hate myself for loving you.”

Jaebeom felt like a gaping open wound, one that refused to heal. And yet your pain surpassed his own. He would rather writhe in misery than see you crying in his arms. Knowing that he had driven you this far.

“You were right,” he choked out. “I wanted you to know hurt the way I did. I envied you. You never let anyone get to you. I thought in some twisted way I wouldn’t be alone and I could finally move past what happened to me.”

You could feel yourself falling for it again and you lowered your head.

“I’m sorry,” Jaebeom finally said.

Those words you had wanted for so long and they did nothing for you. They didn’t fix you. They didn’t numb the pain. They didn’t restore what had been taken.

You pushed his arms away and got to your feet, wiping the tears with the back of your hand. Stomping toward the gravel path, Jaebeom was hot on your heels, calling your name.

When he grabbed your arms and spun you back around to face him, you yelled, “Let me go, Jaebeom.”

“Tell me what to do,” he pleaded. “Tell me what you need me to do!”

“Break this fucking spell,” you shouted back at him. “Make me hate you. Because I love you and it’s killing me!”

That was the last thing Jaebeom wanted. He was consumed by you. There were those words again and Jaebeom couldn’t stand it. No one had ever loved him, much less fallen in love with him, and he didn’t know what to do.

So, he gathered you in his arms and melded his lips to yours. You didn’t hesitate to kiss him back hard, carding your fingers into his hair.

Jaebeom held your waist and hips snugly, trapping you to him. You pressed yourself to his chest and tugged on his hair, earning a groan. You slipped your tongue past his lips and Jaebeom made a noise at your aggression. He could taste the salt of your tears.

This was stupid, you thought to yourself. You just never learned, did you? But God, kissing him was amazing. You let your hands fall from his head to roam his shoulders, pressing your nails into his shirt. You felt so small in his arms, like you were lost in him.

Jaebeom began to move, steering you with him back toward the blanket, still kissing you like his life depended on it. You weren’t surprised when he lay you down, but Jaebeom was beyond surprised when you wrestled him to his back and straddled his hips.

You wanted to grin at the shocked expression he was sporting, but you only caught a brief glimpse of his widened eyes before smashing your lips back on his.

You just wanted to kiss him and kiss him and kiss him until you were satisfied, satiated. Maybe then you could finally get on with your life. It was senseless logic, but all you knew was he kissed so fucking good. It made you crazy. Just like everything else about him.

For fuck’s sake, you would never understand why you were in love with the one thing determined to destroy you.

“Stop. Stop,” you suddenly told him, panting and breathless.

Jaebeom looked at your hand pressed to his chest, watching you sit up on top of him, and his heart sank. He knew that look. You were about to bolt.

“I can’t do this,” you whispered, more to yourself as you brushed your hair out of your face with your fingers.

Jaebeom stroked his palms up your thighs, clad in the tightest jeans he had ever seen, and coaxed, “Why?”

You blinked, thinking of an answer. There were many, but you were trying to invalidate them on the spot.

Jaebeom sat up, wrapping an arm around your hips and rocking you closer to him. “Tell me,” he mumbled, pressing a wet kiss to your neck.

Your eyes fluttered and you felt resolve melting away each time his lips touched over your racing pulse.

“You’ll leave me again,” you cried shakily.

Jaebeom shook his head, proceeding to suck beneath your ear. “I’m not going anywhere,” he growled.

You ran your hands through his hair, hips arching ever so slightly in search of friction. Your body was heating up, excitement pulsing through your veins. You craved him. Lust was a powerful thing, and now you truly understood.

“I am,” you said firmly, pushing him back with both hands and rising to your feet.

Jaebeom slumped back, disappointed and defeated, and shook his hair out of his eyes. Watching you walk away, he begged, “Please stop sleeping with Jackson.”

You turned to face him, lips parting incredulously.

Seeing your anger, he lowered his tone to something more pliant, but definitely snide. “Give me a chance to make things right before you let him get his claws in you.”

It only confirmed what Jackson had said. Jaebeom’s newfound pursuit of you was solely from a place of jealousy. Your best friend had been right and you were too blind to accept it.

“You really are the worst,” you snapped at him, heading back on your way.

Jaebeom shouted vengefully, “He doesn’t fucking deserve you!”

You kept walking and retorted with disdain, “Story of my life, it seems. I guess I only fuck guys that don’t deserve me.”

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#got7 fanfiction #got7 smut #jackson smut #jaebum smut #jackson wang smut #im jaebum smut #got7 scenario #got7 reaction #got7 imagine #got7 au #got7 fanfic #jackson fanfic #jaebum fanfic

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inthestars011 · 5 years ago

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what it’s like falling in love with her🦋🥺❤️

(Venus !!)❤️❤️ I did this fast so I apologize for grammar spelling mistakes xox

(I’m doing this by thinking of my friends and their methods or way of acting in romantic relationships however I will make another one doing in love with him and will touch on men with all the venuses that I’ve personally been in love with to add an even more personal touch xox)

Aries- Kisses that are short but kill you in the 5 seconds they last. Gives you forever in a minute. Always leaves you wanting more and that breaks you but fills you simultaneously. She knows that. She’s aware of her presence and that it feels like burning in all the right places. She seems naive and pure at soul, but shes well aware of the danger she holds in her hands and she uses it to her advantage. She loves the wanting, the chasing. She lives for the thrill, the game. She will run away before you can dispose of her heart and she might not let you see those broken parts but might just show a side that’s much funner, when it gets serious she may just become a runner. Sometimes, she is nothing but a machine running on fumes of lust expelling and leaving without a trace whenever she must. Some day she may realize that love might just be worth it, and that she really deserves it. But it still must consist of passion, fireworks, and all, if you plan on keeping her for the long haul.

Taurus Venus- she doesn’t want you to know she is soft, as she’s shown that side before, to many people she has lost. She’s not ready for change so her walls are built high, not even broken open by heavy ocean tides. Deep down she is melting, she is all love at the core. Filled with romance and god, so much more. She wants someone to truly share this with, but forever is all she ever asked for. If you cannot give her that she’ll retreat, become stubborn unable to make two ends meet. she might be slow at first to show her passion, she may show it through a touch that inhibits so much love. there’s nothing better than the comfort of her hug. She will heal all of you through a softness that you didnt think exists. She’s the definition of wife material, someone you’ll forever miss.

Gemini Venus- they describe her as flakey and that’s not always the case. There’s so many sides to her like differing tulips in a vase. I think she likes love but can find it in so many places, I think she can find love amongst so many faces. Maybe it’ll take a while for her to find her forever, but I do think deep down she does want forever. She won’t show all this meaning right off the jump. She’ll show something more innocent, naive and young. She is cute and pure, that, we are sure. She hides such greatness behind that coy smile, and the right person has to detect that, to truly find that. Maybe that’ll take a while. but that person will come that realizes shes more than just fun, she is the moon, just as much as she is the sun. She is eccentric and wildly funny. Her love feels like flying which is freeing but, a little terrifying, honey! It sometimes feels like, at any moment, she might let go, leaving one freezing in the December snow. Once it is true love, she is just as comforting as she is adventurous, she’ll give the whole world and expect nothing in return. Her love comes in teachings and there’s something we all can learn, from the glimmer in her eyes to her childlike hope. if she is truly in love, you will know.

Cancer Venus- her love feels just like home. The mom or dad you never had, and to play that role, she’s probably glad. every touch is enveloped with so much care. You can still smell the sea within her hair. She might be the mother or the baby or maybe even both, she always did help you unfold. When you think of her, you think of making out in your childhood bedroom, you think of the clinginess she exuded, maybe the eternal doom. The moods were never your favourite but you learned to savour it. You accepted every side of her maybe even the annoying parts too. She was your special seashell in the deep ocean blue, her love was nothing but true.

Leo Venus- Golden shimmers from above, a dramatic flair when it came to love. It was always, all show, all beauty, nothing below. Sometimes that was beautiful, sometimes you hated it. There was no in between, she served melodrama for breakfast lunch and dinner and you ate it up, there was no room for desert. Her love was like light shows and the strips of Las Vegas, entrancing but maybe too much at times. there was some innate programming she had that made her feel like she was never enough, but that she was, that she was. She was the big romantic gesture, love was extravagant and so was she. She wanted a love as she saw on the screens, the one that filled her childhood dreams. It was hard to live up to her firey passions, but it was worth it because she’d give you so much in return. She would love you till her flicker would burn out and she was all just heavy smoke and she’d continue loving you in the darkness. They called her the lion for a reason, her loyalty was fierce but her wrath was even fiercer. Her love was so lush, yet, the anger would defeat her.

Virgo Venus- Pure and awkward. The angel that was too good for you, the one that made you dream of laying and praying beside her feet. Not because her flirting skills were smooth and effortless, not because of lusty bedroom eyes, but because of the sweetness that filled her tired sighs. You could see that she wanted something real and that, pursuing maybe wasn’t her strong point, but you would do that for her. Once you got to know her, you unpeeled every layer and found more and more gold underneath, it scared her to show it, but her love grew fonder and she did it more confidently as time went on. Time is what grew our love and our passion, and it was as real as it could ever be. It was divination, it was serving a higher purpose. It was husband and wife, Adam and Eve, something so religious, something so prestiged. It may have seemed regular classic or boring. But to us it felt like our own little story. You got to know a bit more everyday and the excitement of that never did go away. I thank you for fixing all my brokenness even if it was slowly and surely, I thank you for helping me change. You are the only god to which I would pray to, the only holy ness that made the sadness go away.

Libra Venus- She’ll scare the hell out of you with her words. They’ll fall out of her mouth effortlessly, soft flower buds, blooming. She knows just what to say and she holds so much power in that. Her charm and her brilliance got you down on your knees, just a sentence, is all that it takes. Kisses sweet like strawberry shakes. But before you know it she doesn’t love you anymore, it was just a fantasy she had, merely a mirage. It wasn’t real but to you it was and it’s confusing and it’s making you insane. She didn’t mean to cause any pain, she is a fairy in the garden bouncing from tree to tree ever so lightly, taking what she can get and moving on to what’s meant for her. And maybe that wasn’t you. Maybe that’s ok. Because she’ll find someone who makes her heart beat from their touch and their words, someone that doesn’t make her want to create an imaginary world. Someone who just is pure beauty to her, someone who is nothing but real true love. Something more down to earth and better than the heavens up above. She will find it. And she will never let go.

Scorpio Venus- the tension that she holds. “Are we angry at eachother or are we so in love we can’t breathe?”She always made you feel both. Sometimes you thrived off of it, sometimes it made you seasick. She bit your lip and made it bleed as she pulled you in for your final kiss. She cried a little as she left. There was softness in her dark facade there was something light and airy. You only could touch it for a second before it slipped back underneath the oily meSs. The chaos was exciting and her loyalty was meaningful. Her jealously could kill and that you’ve seen. You smelled danger from a mile away on her shirt and you gravitated towards it for some reason. She’ll make her scar and the slice will hurt your skin, but you’ll forever want to bleed. She is what you need.

Sagittarius Venus- with her, love wasn’t hard. No, she made you think it was easy. It was giggles and being best friends. It was passionate make outs and spontaneous adventures. Love is all well and fun. Love is the horizon, a new dawn, abeautiful beginning. But sometimes it had to end. Sometimes she would run free and realize “this isn’t for me.” And sometimes she would come back as if nothing happened. It seemed like dissapearjng but to her it was just living out her honest truth. She wouldn’t wanna stay if what you felt for her wasn’t the same as what she felt for you. when it’s good it’s all passion, it’s perhaps not romantic but casual and fun. it’s two love birds on the run. Don’t know where they are going but they’re together and isn’t that what matters? They don’t know that eventually both their hearts might shatter. She loves the unpredictable and will revel in it with you, images of soaking your hands in waterfalls and late night rendezvous.

Capricorn- Her love is timid and perhaps bitter, but once she falls in love she’ll be unsure what hit her. She may laugh at romance till she is in the dream herself, she’ll then learn to fall in love with love itself. It takes a lot to serenade this girl, and she wants nothing less than what is perfect and no one can deny that she deserves it. She showed true commitment and loyalty and someone treated her like a joke and left her broken without a glint of hope. She is now careful in love and can you really blame her? But once you tear those walls down it’s impossible to tame her. She’ll want kisses in public and cuddles by the fire, she’ll believe that you are more than worthwhile. Yes it may take a while to break down the stones that she’s pilled in front of her heart, she will be more like concrete, but a soft touch and a smile that means well might just turn her into fragile glass, into running water. If you bash those walls down with steely swords and fight the dragons that protect her pretty soul than she might just believe in you, you might just help her believe in love again, and ultimately, she might believe in herself.

Aquarius- She will confuse you as she shape shifts into whatever he pleases. Sometimes, she is one full of romance and love and she gives you summer heat and sweet icecream. But sometimes the sunshine is fleeting, she is cold and detached and wants to be nothing more than friends. She is full of surprises and contradictions. She loves in a way that is strange but captivates you, you always want to know more. She is a good and loyal friend, funny and filled with adventures and a good wit. She is awkward and unsure of how to pursue true love though she does want it. deep inside she’ll never admit it, no, those feelings she hides. She’ll pull you in, and there you are falling in her wishing well, unable to climb back out and sometimes you can surround yourself in her water and drown in feelings but sometimes it’s empty and vacant, depressing, sometimes she is an endless drought. She’ll make you love her so much it terrifies you but she’s like electricity in your veins, absolutely addicting.

Pisces- She is the girl with eyes full of stars staring at you across the crowded room with a shy smile. She will not approach you but instead let herself escape to a dream in which you are the main role, she will be able to taste your lips, to smell your cologne even as she is not near you, even when she’s lying in bed at home. She will wish for you to come and save her from herself and she wishes you are as good as her heart makes you up to be, she wishes when you finally come and love her that you will never leave, because when she is abandoned, she is still left with those empty dreams. And the fantasies do haunt her, the memory of your soft kiss will taunt her. I hope for your sake you live up to what she dreamt you to be, otherwise she may be surprised, heartbroken, and she will not hesitate to leave. To chase some perfect crystallized image that dances in her head, she’ll cry and scream when people tell her Prince Charming simply does not exist, but she still believes all her past lovers were simply frogs she had to kiss and that she still awaits her soulmate. All this love and lust is only fictious for she is just the girl with eyes full of stars staring at you across the crowded room with a shy smile. Do approach her.

#astro #astrology #venus #venus signs #aries venus #taurus venus #gemini venus #leo venus #cancer venus #virgo venus #libra venus #sagittarius venus #capricorn venus #scorpio venus #aquarius venus #pisces venus

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mamabearcat · 3 years ago

Note

Proposal fic + hair (braiding/brushing) InuKag

Ooh thanks Nonny 😘

Okay, I'm gonna revive an AU I've never actually written but it's been loitering around in the back of my head forever. I may even write it one day if I feel like doing a longer AU full of comedy fluff. The first bit was posted on Tumblr forever ago, but now it gets to be continued!

Inuyasha wasn’t quite sure how he fell into it; who would have thought you could make a career out of being a model for romance covers for fuck’s sake?! Apparently his half-demon heritage that had blessed him with his father's long thick white hair, amber eyes that glowed in the darkness and pointed dog ears gave him an edgy look, whatever that meant. His ability to retain a lean muscular build no matter what he ate didn't hurt either.

But, the money was very good, even if he had to fight off the occasional stalker, and hide from screaming female fans trying to stuff underwear in his pockets when he went out to buy milk.

His manager Miroku was a total letch, and Sango had been slacking on security - waking up to find a strange woman in his kitchen making coffee in nothing but an apron was more than a little surprising. He actually had more than a sneaking suspicion that something was going on between those two.

But the best part of being a model was Kagome. His photographer, his best friend. He'd known her for years now, and there was no one he trusted more.

Their first photo shoot three years ago had been memorable. He’d accidentally called her Kikyo, and she'd exploded at him. How was he to know? They looked kinda the same, and they were both photographers. It did kinda suck that her cousin Kikyo had possibly ruined her chances of having a serious career in photo journalism, but this gig she was doin’ paid the bills right?

Why did she have to be so serious anyway? He’d abandoned any thoughts of self respect long ago. When you knew what it was like at the very bottom, didn’t know where your next meal was coming from, you understood that self respect was a luxury.

Ah, but Kagome. He couldn't help but love her. Even though this wasn't what she wanted to be doing, she put her whole heart and soul into her work, wanting it to be the best. He knew all her little mannerisms by heart - the way she blew upwards into her fringe when she was feeling frustrated, the way she jiggled her legs under the table when she was feeling fidgety, the way her eyes lit up when she got a good idea for a shot.

He'd always said he'd do anything for her, would gladly take a bullet for her. He'd already blocked a knife attack for her, that had to count for something, right? He'd never been more terrified when she'd been threatened, and the thought of what might had happened if he'd left just a little earlier still broke him out in a cold sweat sometimes.

They'd been closer after her life was threatened, so much closer. He'd been hopeful, but pretty sure she still only saw him as a friend. I mean, how cliche was it for a model to fall for a photographer? He was pretty sure she'd think he was joking, and laugh right in his face. And then on the steps after the trial against that stalker she'd kissed him. And it had been like the heavens had opened and angels had sung.

Kagome had always wanted to be a photo journalist. She'd dreamed of it since high school, starting her career with the local paper, gaining notice when she won a world renowned travel photography competition. That was the chance that should have got her a job with a top magazine, the chance that should have made her career. But it had been stolen by her cousin Kikyo.

Kikyo, who had been her flatmate when they finished high school, so they could share their passion for photography and help support each other in their move to New York as they tried to achieve their dreams. Kikyo, who had taken the message about the year long internship she had been offered after they saw her winning photo. Kikyo, whose features were similar enough to her own that they were often mistaken for each other, if you didn't know both of them that well. Kikyo, who had turned up for that internship and somehow convinced them that she'd used a different name for the competition.

Her cousin had milked that experience for everything it was worth. And now she was the one working for a world renowned magazine, and Kagome was paying rent doing cover photos for romance novels. She may be the best one in her field, but it wasn't quite what she'd dreamed of. It's not like she'd wished upon a star when she was five and asked if she could be the one to discover the next Fabio.

The best thing about her work was spending time with Inuyasha. She'd been so angry at him the first day they'd met all those years ago. Fresh from a weekend at a family event where she'd had to hear once again that Kikyo couldn't make it because she was overseas, doing some big story, and they were all so proud of her. And he'd called her Kikyo, because he'd seen some article recently and mistakenly thought she was her cousin. After she'd calmed down, she couldn't really fault him. They had the same last name, same initial, even looked similar enough.

But he'd grown on her. And it wasn't just his good looks - he had those in abundance, but he didn't really seem to care about that. He was rough around the edges, a little rude, definitely obnoxious, but very funny, charming, brave, and also... kind of sweet?

That day she'd had that terrible cold but had still come to work because they'd had a deadline, he'd given her his jacket and then rushed out to the supermarket at lunch time so he could make her a sure fire cold remedy his mother had taught him. It had tasted absolutely feral, but surprisingly, she'd felt a lot better the next day.

Just a few weeks ago, they had finalised the court case with Inuyasha's stalker. For some reason, Jakotsu, one of Inuyasha's most ardent fans, had bizarrely seen Kagome as a threat, even though it was obvious they were only friends.

At first it was just strange letters delivered to her workplace, which she'd ignored totally. She'd only begun to be worried when weird notes appeared in her own letter box at her apartment. And then the late night phone calls had started.

She'd managed to keep it from Inuyasha until Jakotsu had slashed her tyres, and then he'd been furious. Angry at her for not telling him what was happening, and incandescent with rage at the stalker.

After that he'd been there for her whenever she'd been afraid, so protective and caring. When Jakotsu had snuck up on her late one night in the parking lot, he'd blocked the attack, stepping in front of her in the nick of time, taking a slash to his arm that was originally aimed at her face, then knocking out Jakotsu and holding him until the police arrived.

He'd been the one injured, with nearly 20 stitches in his forearm, but he'd been worried about her. Thank goodness for swift youkai healing. She'd been devastated that he'd been injured, but he'd just shrugged it off, telling her he was glad it was him and not her.

After that, she'd finally admitted to herself that her feelings for him were more than just friendly. Had been for such a long time now. He was gorgeous, but she wasn't the kind of girl that slept around. She needed to be friends first, be comfortable, and there was no one she was more comfortable around than Inuyasha. He was her first thought in the morning and her last at night. But wasn't that a little cliche, a photographer falling for a model? She'd thought he'd probably think she was joking and laugh in her face.

But that moment after the trial and they'd been standing out in the sunlight, she hadn't been able to help herself. She was just so happy, so grateful that he hadn't been injured worse. So she'd practically crash tackled him and kissed him. No tentative pecks. No warning. She couldn't bear to let another day pass without him knowing how she felt. And when he'd kissed her back, with Miroku and Sango cat calling in the background, yelling at them to get a room, it had felt like heaven.

"Where's Yura this morning?" asked Inuyasha, glancing around the make up room, as if she would suddenly appear out of nowhere with her ever present combs and scissors.

"She's called in sick, so you've got me on double duty today. Aren't you lucky?" Kagome teased, poking her tongue out at him.

"So, you gonna model with me too?" he grinned, wrapping his arm around her waist and holding her close to rub his nose softly againt hers. "Who's gonna take the happy snaps?"

"You wish. It's a new model today, Tuva, we haven't met her before. This is for the viking one, so we needed someone with fair hair and pale skin. The photos in her online portfolio are gorgeous. And the agency recommended her, so she should be fine."

Kagome gave him a quick peck on the cheek, laughing at his pouting face, then patted the chair in front of the mirror. "Sit down already will you? I called her earlier to let her know what was going on and she offered to get her own hair and makeup done at the studio there, so now I've just got to do you."

Inuyasha couldn't help the flutter down low in his stomach at her statement, even though he knew she'd meant it innocently enough. She began by brushing his long hair and he closed his eyes, feeling the regular pull of the brush on his scalp, her fingers gently protecting his ears from the rough bristles.

Damn that felt good. If he were a cat he'd be purring, and it took every inch of self control to not let out a deep rumbling growl of pleasure when she ran her hands through his hair, pulling the top back and securing it in a rough pompadour with a ponytail behind his head.

Then her nimble fingers were making small cornrow braids near his temples, adding little leather thongs and silver charms. The gentle tugging of his scalp felt so good. He squirmed in his seat a little, keeping his eyes closed.

"Sorry, am I pulling too hard?"

"Nah, feels so damn good. You're a natural at this. Wanna change careers and become my hairdresser?"

She pretended to think a moment, then giggled.

"Maybe. You're hair is fun to play with. It's much prettier than mine."

He opened his eyes, watching her as her deft fingers twisted his hair together.

"Nope. Untrue. Have you ever seen your hair in the sunlight Kagome? The way it shimmers almost blue? It's beautiful."

Her cheeks pinked, and she glanced at the mirror, her eyes fluttering downwards again when he caught her eyes.

"Stop. You're the one that's the freaking model, Inuyasha. Let me concentrate on this or we'll be behind schedule."

"So Ms. Higurashi can take a compliment about her photography skills but not her person? That's kinda weird don't you think? Especially when you're so pretty."

"Inuuuu..."

"C'mere", he said, tugging on her arm to move her into his lap, ignoring her squawk of protest. "Why can't my pretty girl take a compliment from me, huh?"

"I can! But we're at work right now Inuyasha!"

"Alright, prove it. Look in the mirror and say what I say, and then I'll let you go." She squirmed but he tightened his arm around her waist, pinning him close to her. "Gotta do what I say Higurashi. Gotta keep the talent happy!" She smacked his arm, still trying to wriggle out of his hold, doing her best to hold in her smile, but failing miserably.

"So, how should I keep the talent happy Inuyasha?" she smirked. "You were pretty happy when I left your apartment last night."

He moved his head to rest on her shoulder, looking at her reflection in the mirror.

"Ah, but that's where you're very wrong pretty girl." Kagome's face fell.

"You didn't enjoy last night?"

"Oh I did. Very much", he grinned, bucking his hips underneath her, then kissing a path down the arch of her neck onto her shoulder. "But then you left. And I was in that big empty bed all alone, with no one to keep me company."

"Oh, poor you. You know why I left Inuyasha. You needed to have a good night's sleep before the shoot today, and you know what would have happened if I'd stayed longer. There wouldn't have been much sleeping going on."

He nuzzled into her neck. "Maybe not, but this talent would have been much much happier. I don't want you to leave anymore." Kagome froze.

"You... you want me to move in with you?"

"I want you to move in", he said, his teasing face now serious. "I want you to be with me always. I know we've only been going out for a month Kagome, but I love you. I've loved you for years. And that's not going to change."

She turned on his lap so they were now facing each other, cradling his cheeks in her palms. "I love you too", she whispered. "So much."

"Would it be crazy if... if I said I wanted even more than that?" he asked softly, his eyes searching hers. "Would it be crazy if I said I want to be more than just your boyfriend, that I want more than you moving in. That I want us to belong to each other? And tell the whole world about it?"

Kagome's eyes widened, and her heart began beating wildly in her chest.

"That sounds an awful lot like a marriage proposal Inuyasha."

"That's because, maybe it is. We wasted so much time Kagome. I don't wanna waste another second. Please say yes."

"How could I say no to those puppy dog eyes of yours?" she giggled wetly, her eyes filling with happy tears.

#this kinda got outta hand #but what can you do?#shrugs #writing asks

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writings-of-a-hufflepuff · 4 years ago

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I Don’t Want to Be Alone Anymore

Fandom: Star Wars

Collection/Series: N/A

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader (Gender Neutral - No pronouns or identifiers used to my knowledge, if i’ve missed something let me know)

Writer: @writings-of-a-hufflepuff aka @hufflepuffing-all-day-long

Rating: T

Warnings: Angst, feelings of low self-worth, loneliness, but there’s some fluff to it too.

Requested by anon: Hi!! Could I please request Poe Dameron x reader with the prompts “Have you ever kissed anyone before?” + “I want you to be proud of yourself. I want you to believe that you’re good enough because you are. You’re so amazing.” + “I just want to be swept off my feet…is that so bad? I’m fed up of being alone.” 😘 Please and thank you!!!

Summary: You’ve been feeling incredibly lonely as of late, missing something in your life that seems unattainable, out of your reach. When you can’t sleep Poe finds you sitting atop the Millennium Falcon and a heart to heart is had.

Notes: This was supposed to be a prompt, but honestly got quite large so I made it into more of a one-shot.

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You had been rather melancholic as of late. That was the best way to describe you. Melancholic, sad, down in the dumps, just not your usual bubbly happy self. You knew that the other’s had taken notice of it, everyone was constantly trying to make you laugh, tiptoeing around subjects that could make you sadder. Your patients noticed the change in your bedside manner as well trying to cheer you up even when they were the ones in pain. In truth you just...you were lonely.

You had so many friends and you could be on a resistance base full of people and still you felt lonely. Your whole life thus far had been overtaken by the resistance, by war, by fighting the good fight, so much so that you’d had no time for romance, for love and companionship. You were beginning to feel that yearning, that ache deep in your soul for something more. But, you doubted you were good enough for it, that you deserved it. Surely, if you’d been worthy someone would have come in and swept you off your feet by now? But, no one had and you were once again alone, alone and doubting your achievements, doubting your skills as a doctor, as a medic, as a key member of the resistance. You often wanted to kick yourself, it was all so trivial in comparison to the fight that was going on, compared to the First Order.

You’d been unable to sleep, the muggy air on Ajan Kloss, the sounds of skittering wildlife and the ache in your chest, that lonely sadness, all combined to force you out of your cot and into the night air. Tossing and turning had proved fruitless and so instead you found yourself a little perch atop the Millenium Falcon, knees pulled up to your chest, chin resting atop them.

Ajan Kloss was beautiful as planets go, with a vibrant jungle and active wildlife, it felt like the centre of the universe sometimes. Like the place where life originated. Lately, there had been talk about what everyone would do once the war with the First Order was over, what people were fighting for. Your answers always felt lacking. You had no lover you were fighting for, no future marriage or children that you were fighting to obtain...because you were alone. It never used to be a problem, you had started out in the resistance because you believed it was the right thing to do, you still do, but you wanted more from your life than that of a lonely rebel.

“Now what would you be doing out here on your lonesome, sweetheart? Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” You look down to see Poe standing, wide stance, knuckles on his hips, beneath you. His hair is a mess of curls, clearly the result of lying in bed for any length of time and he’s stripped down to the bare essentials. A white undershirt, a pair of comfortable trousers, the chain with his mother’s ring that he always wears around his neck. He looks beautiful in the moonlight, always does, but especially in the moonlight.

“Couldn’t sleep, General…” Your normal teasing tone at his rank is missing and it makes Poe frown. You sound sad, you look sad. Your shoulders hunched in, your brows pulled together, lips turned down. You’ve been like this a lot lately, he’s missed your smile, the one that puts little creases around your mouth and crinkles your eyes. He’s missed your happiness.

“Mind if I join?” Your nod is all he needs to start climbing up the Falcon to sit beside you. He sits close enough that your arms are touching, hips pressed against one another as if he can give you some semblance of happiness from his own body. It is both a relief to your touch starved soul and a torture, a reminder that you don’t actually have this, not with him, not with anyone.

Poe isn’t your partner, your lover, your future husband. He is simply your General, your friend. No matter how handsome he is, how much you desire him, he doesn’t desire you and it stings. To your lonely mind it doesn’t matter that you’ve never said a word to him about your feelings, all that matters is that you’re alone, even with him sitting beside you. It’s hard to understand that he is there because he cares.

“So, what’s wrong? You’ve not been yourself lately…”

“I...Poe...I don’t…” You turn your head away from him, gazing off into the jungle, not wanting him to see the tears that have started to collect in your eyes. You don’t want this conversation because it’s embarrassing, embarrassing that you’re lonely, embarrassing that after all this time you’re still on your own.

“I would say we don’t have to talk about this, but sweetheart, we have to talk about this. You’re sad all the time, I just want to help.” A gentle hand at your cheek turns your face back towards his, fingers sliding down to cup the side of your neck, thumb grazing against the curve of your jaw. Poe tightens his grip at the tears collecting in your eyes, you look utterly hopeless in that moment and it tears at his heart.

“What’s wrong?”

“I...I’m so lonely, Poe…everyone has all these plans. How they’re going to go back home, get married, raise some kids. I just...I want that, but I know i’m not good enough. I’m so alone and it feels like that’s never going to change. I just want to be swept off my feet…is that so bad? I’m fed up of being alone. I’ve been alone my entire life and I...I just...I feel like i’m not good enough, like i’m going to be alone forever.” You had spent all your life alone, between being orphaned from a young age, working constantly to get your qualifications as a doctor and the resistance, there had never been anyone. You wanted someone, a companion, a kindred spirit, a soulmate. Someone you could curl up next to after a long day, someone you could make a family with, someone you could kiss and cuddle and love.

It seemed out of reach. Like something not meant for you, not made for you. Why would anyone choose you when there were so many better options out there, so many other people who could provide them with more.

There’s a silence that falls over the two of you, Poe’s thumb still stroking at your jaw as his heart breaks for you. He loves you, he’s known it since his capture by the First Order, but he’s never said a word, terrified of losing you from his life altogether. The thought that you believe you’re not good enough, that you’re not deserving of, worthy of being swept off of your feet, of love, hurts him. It cuts deep, a vibroblade straight to his heart. His lips part with a sad sigh, furrowing his brows as he frowns down at you.

“Sweetheart, you are so worthy of love. God, I want you to be proud of yourself. I want you to believe that you’re good enough because you are. You’re amazing. You’re everything.” He’s pulling you closer, your legs thrown over his so that he can drill into you just how wonderful you are. You’re so beautiful, so kind, so good. You’ve healed his many wounds, made him laugh when he wants to cry, taken such good care of everyone around you that the thought that you’re not worthy of love is laughable. You deserve every good thing in the world.

“Then why does no one want me? Why am I still alone?” There’s a tremble to your bottom lip, to your voice, a wetness that comes only from tears and it has Poe pressing his forehead to yours with closed eyes and deep sigh. That you think no one wants you...that you think he doesn’t want you hurts but it’s his fault, he knows he’s hidden his feelings well, kept them behind a guise of friendship and harmless flirtation.

“Because I’m the biggest coward in the galaxy.”

“What?” You’re confused, pulling away to search his face for some sort of meaning, hand gripping his wrist, unsure, confused. He’s never been so scared in his life, it seems crazy, to be scared of telling you something as simple as how much he loves you, when he’s literally been tortured, faced life or death. But, this is scarier, this is his whole world hinged on your rejection or acceptance, but he can’t live with you not knowing, thinking that no one loves you, wants you when he absolutely does.

“I’ve loved you since I escaped the First Order, hell, maybe I loved you before that. But, I’ve been...I was so scared of losing you as a friend that I never said anything. But, I love you, dank farrik, I love you and you’re wanted and you’re needed and that’s never been in question, sweetheart.” He wants to grab you and kiss you, show you how much feeling you inspire in him, but he knows this is a lot, he knows the chances of you never having even been kissed before are high and the thought of panicking you, pushing you, stops him.

“You...you love me? Poe…?”

“I love you and if...if you don’t feel the same that’s fine, but I can’t have you thinking that you’re not wanted because you absolutely are.” It feels like your chest might actually burst open, like your heart wants to jump from your body and into his.

He loves you. Poe Dameron, Resistance General, flyboy, extraordinary pilot, friend, loves you. He wants you, the one man you’d never hoped would, loves you. There are still tears collecting in your eyes, but they’re a different sort, the sort that comes from overwhelming happiness.

“I love you too” It’s sobbed out, you can’t really control the watering of your eyes or the way your voice shakes as you press your forehead back to his and cup his jaw in your hands. He’s patient though, just whispers how happy he is, how much he loves you too while you let the tears flow.

When the tears stop coming and you’re just smiling at him, nose brushing against his own, that’s when he asks. “Have you ever kissed anyone before?” He knows the answers, deep in his soul, but it’s your information to give, your piece of yourself to share and he makes sure to dip his eyes down to your lips and bit his own just to bring that flustered expression to your face, the one that makes you look just the tiniest bit startled and excited. You are wanted. He’s never going to let you think otherwise.

“No…” Your eyes drop down to follow the line his tongue paints across his plump bottom lip, swallow hard at the prospect that this man, this man who loves you, might want to kiss you. It is exciting and terrifying at the same time, the thought that you might be absolutely terrible at it, that you have no clue what you’re doing, but that you want to try anyway, with him.

“Well, that’s a damn crime, sweetheart.” One corner of his mouth quirks up forcing that dimple of his back into view and while his voice is confident and almost brash, Poe’s eyes are soft, crinkling at the corners. “Will you let me kiss you?”

“Please.” Your voice is needy and high, soft as a whisper as if you’re worried speaking too loud will make him disappear. He’s not sure he could move even if the First Order came raining down on Ajan Kloss. You’ve captured him without bindings, he doesn't want to move from your orbit.

With one hand he cups the back of your neck to pull you closer, the other encasing your cheek, brushing sweet little circles across the breadth of it. He’s slow as he moves you closer, gives you time to back out, in case you need to, in case this is too much too soon, but you don’t.

His lips are soft and careful at first, pressing against yours, closed mouthed and undemanding. His nose gently pressing against your cheek as he eases you into the sensation of another person’s lips against your own. The press of his body to yours has you gasping quietly, mouth parting and Poe takes this as an invitation, gently pressing his tongue into your mouth. It is strange at first, the sensations, but each ministration, each touch has you relaxing into him more, until your hands are tangled in the curls of his hair and you’re pressing as close to him as you can.

Poe lets out a deep groan when you tug at the strands and he pulls away from you to take a breath of air, not going far, only so far as to put his forehead back against your own. He’s pretty sure he could kiss you until he suffocated, he’s pretty sure that would be a good way to go out.

“Can I be your boyfriend?” His fingers are gentle at the back of your neck, massaging into tender spots as he stares into your eyes. It’s all so intense and yet so comfortable at the same time, it feels like you were always meant to kiss Poe, always meant to be with him, this entire time.

You let a little laugh at his question. The idea of you saying no after everything, after a confession of love from the both of you and the best first kiss you could have asked for, is laughable. But, still you give him an answer, cementing it as a fact.

“Yeah...yeah, I’d like that, Poe.”

------------------------------

All Works Taglist

@charradelange @belfry-bat

#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron #poe dameron / reader #poe dameron/reader #poe dameronxreader #star wars #star wars reader insert #reader insert #readerinsert #gender neutral reader

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sweet-sammy-kisses · 3 years ago

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I Think of You Every Step

For @badthingshappenbingo prompt don’t let them see you cry Fandom: 9-1-1 Pairings: Eddie/Buck, Eddie/Ana and minor Buck/Taylor Warnings: Not Ana friendly Word Count: 2,098 Rating: Mature for the story overall Summary: "The difference between you and Ana is you will help Chris to soar as high as he can while Ana will help him fly only as high as she thinks he should."

Eddie is not blind he knows that Buck is the one who belongs with him and Christopher but Ana is the one who would make his parents happy.

Christopher just wants his Buck and dad together already so if he needs to matchmake them, then he will happily do so. You can also read it on AO3

They both knew it had been coming for a while. There was no denying that they cared about one another but the issues were that just as friends. They tried, oh they both tried because they were both lonely and wanted something.

But it was hard when one was in love with his best friend, so completely that his whole world revolved around him and his son, that he was willing to live with heartbreak watching him with another take his place as his family, his home slowly became another's.

"I think we should break up. Before our romance leaves our friendship in ruins. I don't want to lose you as a friend." Taylor fought back the tears as she looked at Buck.

There was sadness in Buck's blue eyes as he took her hand in his and squeezed it. "I agree, the last thing I want to do is lose you again Taylor. I'm sorry I can't give you want you need."

A water smile appeared on Taylor's face, "And I'm sorry that Eddie is too blind to see what is right before him." Crossing the distance between them Taylor placed a soft kiss on the corner of Buck's mouth, kissing him one last time before pulling away from him. Swallowing hard she needed to leave as she could feel the sobs building up. "I think we need some time apart before we get back together and have ice cream and makeover nights."

"I will miss you Taylor but you are right. Please keep in touch." Buck lifted his hand to wipe away the tear that rolled down her cheek, he hated that he was causing her pain but this was better than staying in a relationship that was going nowhere at least this way they could save their friendship.

Giving Buck one last smile Taylor turned and walked away from him."Whatever you do, please don't look back, just keep walking this is the best thing for both of you." Taylor kept repeating over and over to herself even as the tears stung her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. She had known deep in her heart that Buck was never meant for her. He has a soulmate one only has to look at him with Eddie and know that they are entwined souls, but she still ended up giving her heart to Buck.

When she realized she was falling in love with Buck she decided that it was better to break things off now before Buck realizes as much as he cares for and possibly loves her he will always love Eddie and Christopher more. And the very last thing Taylor wanted was for Buck to stay with her because she knows he will and the two of them deserve better than that. Her parents had a relationship like that, she grew up watching the bitterness between them grow into hate. They had settled for each other and were miserable and Taylor had vowed that she would never have that kind of relationship.

"Goodbye, Buck," Taylor whispered, part of her wished she was strong enough to turn back and kiss Buck one last time but she wasn't, it was taking everything in her to keep taking one step forward and not look back.

Buck could only watch as Taylor walked away from him. The last time she had done that she had hoped he would run after her but he hadn't because Eddie had been shot right in front of him, he couldn't think of anything but Eddie and Christopher. Only this time he knew Taylor didn't want him running after her. She wanted him to let her go just as she was letting him go. And even though it hurt it didn't tear him apart when he thought he lost Eddie and Christopher after the lawsuit.

Taylor's whispered goodbye reached him and Buck felt the single tear rolling down his cheek, he could only hope with time and distance they might be able to get back to being friends before they tried dating, "Goodbye Taylor."

Letting out a sigh Buck closed the door to his loft before falling back onto his couch. It seemed odd to be back here after spending all of his time over at Eddie's, helping him, being there for him as he recovered from being shot but that was no longer his place it belonged to Ana now. And wasn't that funny his heart ached more at no longer being second in Eddie's life than breaking up with Taylor.

Letting his tears flow freely Buck looked upwards, "Can't I just be happy and keep that happiness instead of watching them walk away, just once that is all I am asking for."

+******+

Ana seemed perfect.

At least when he thought about what his parents would approve of because when it all came to it she had similar opinions like them and while Eddie knows that they all mean well they don't see how their words and actions hurt Christopher and while Eddie likes Ana, Christopher will always come first and he knows his son likes her just not enough. And truth be told Eddie didn't feel a spark with her. It wasn't fair to her or him to stay in a relationship that wasn't going anywhere.

He had been trying to make things work and he thought he had been doing a pretty good job in making it work. Then he got shot and everything changed. Seeing Buck covered in blood had terrified him. That for a moment he was once again so close to losing Buck, it was like his world had gone cold once again like it had when he watched Buck be trapped under the fire truck, helpless to help him.

It was amazing what could happen in a second, those were the thoughts that had run through his mind before he realized it was him who had been shot. When he had been reaching out for Buck, he needed to know he was alright and alive. To know that even if Christopher lost him he would still have Buck someone who loves him with his whole heart. To hear Buck say it should have been him sent him into a tailspin and that is why he told Buck about his will. He needed Buck to know how important he is to him and Christopher, that neither of them would be whole without him in it.

Watching Ana sit where Buck should be for movie night Eddie realized that no one belongs in that spot but Buck. It was clear that his best friend had been giving them space for Christopher to get used to Ana being in their lives but not having Buck there was like a wound that would not heal.

Christopher was smiling at Ana but it seemed dim compared to the one he had when it was them with Buck. And at that moment Eddie knew that his son would never fully accept Ana because she chased away Buck, she was why Buck wasn't here. Christopher had even begged for Buck to come tonight and a strange look appeared on Ana's face, the same look that appeared every time either of them mentioned Buck. And from the way, Christopher made sure to tell tales of that included a lot of Buck he wasn't the only one who noticed.

Christopher wasn't happy.

Buck wasn't happy.

He wasn't happy.

The only one who seemed happy was Ana and Eddie knew that wasn't enough to make a relationship work.

Ana was everything Shannon wasn't, she was everything that his parents would approve of and for so long that is all he wanted, his parents to be proud of him. To look at him with pride and finally tell him that he is a good father. 'But am I a good father if my girlfriend makes my son sad?' Christopher is everything as is his happiness and from the way his son was sitting curled up against him and his feet stretched out keeping Ana at a distance from them he wasn't happy.

"Dad?" Christopher's voice broke Eddie out of his thoughts.

Unable to stop himself from smiling as he looked down at his son Eddie ran his fingers through Christopher's hair, "What is it, buddy?"

"Are we still going to the zoo with Buck on Saturday as we planned?" Christopher asked and Eddie had a pretty good idea where this was going.

"Of course we are and Buck is coming over like usual Friday night and staying over," Eddie reassured his son.

The smile on Christopher's face could have lit the whole house only to dim as another voice spoke up.

"Maybe I could join you?"

Eddie looked over at Ana and saw the hopeful look in her eyes and he had no idea how to tell her that this outing was just going to be for him and his boys.

Before Eddie had been shot Ana had never met Evan 'Buck' Buckley that meant everything to both Diaz boys and she had been happy about that. Buck was so deeply woven into their lives that she worried that there wasn't a place for her in it. It baffled her at how close Eddie was to his co-workers that the first thing he had asked for when he woke up was for Buck when she had been right there.

She didn't come out and say it out loud but she felt that Buck was a little too close to both Eddie and Christopher, that it was odd he didn't have his own life or family. She had been thrilled that Buck had taken a step back to allow her to take her rightful place in the Diaz boys' lives only it wasn't going as she had hoped. Buck was all Christopher talked about when she was over, he talked about Buck's favourite movie, or the new Lego set they were working on, even the food he cooked! She was still competing with the man when he wasn't there.

She wanted to bring it up to Eddie that it was time for Buck to have a less active role in Christopher's life, that if they were to make this relationship work she needed to be the one Christopher turns to, after Eddie, not Buck. That she was going to be Christopher's future step-mom, was a role that needed to be filled. From what she had heard of Shannon she found the woman lacking as a mother but didn't say anything out of respect for Eddie and Christopher.

Ana also didn't like that Buck encourages Christopher to try things that were too dangerous for him. Christopher needed limits and the fact that Buck convinced Eddie that Christopher tries things that normal children did was just wrong. That was another thing she needed to discuss with her boyfriend. She had thought Eddie saw that after the skateboard only for her to learn that Buck had made a special one for Christopher and Eddie let him use it. Then there were the stories of Buck convincing Eddie to let Christopher take surfing lessons, the man was a threat to Christopher and Eddie was blind to it.

So when Christopher mentioned going to the zoo on the weekend all she could think was, 'This is perfect. Buck will finally see that we are becoming a family and while he might be Eddie's best friend and co-worker that is all he will ever be. For I have taken his place and there is no more room for him.'

When Eddie didn't immediately agree to her joining them Ana frowned at them and fought back a huff, 'Really Eddie you should be thankful that I want to join you. Many men would love to have me as their girlfriend.'

"No! This is my time with my dad and our Bucky." Christopher crossed his arms over his chest, there was no way that he was going to allow Ana to keep him from having his dad and Buck all to himself.

Raising an eyebrow Ana waited for Eddie to tell Christopher that he can't talk to her like that and invite her along.

Instead, Eddie just smiled at her and shrugged his shoulders, "Maybe we can all do something together next weekend."

Christopher couldn't help but preen he knew his dad missed their Buck and hopefully soon he would see that no one made them happier than Buck. That Buck is theirs just as they are Buck's.

#badthingshappenbingo #buddie #buck x eddie #sherri writes #my fics #not ana flores friendly

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ownworldresident · 4 years ago

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We Are Our Own Heroes. Chapter 9: Faith

Book: The Royal Romance, seven years post-TRR

Premise: Six years after a tragic loss, Liam and his adopted daughter meet Cassandra, an artist with her own troubled past, and the three find in each other the friend they never knew they needed.

Disclaimer: Setting and some characters belong to Pixelberry. I am just borrowing them and will return them when they feel better.

Themes: found family, (power of) friendship, healing

Content Warning: death mention

The Master Masterlist (link)| Our Own Heroes Masterlist (link)

Cassandra

Cassandra woke well before her alarm and was out of bed before she realised the time. She didn’t need that to realise the day. The cold ache in her heart was enough.

Cordonia itself felt devoid of life in the cool autumn morning. The weather was reminiscent to the point of the worst type of nostalgia, without the misplaced excitement or fateful future plans.

Dark thoughts followed her through a zombie-like routine and out the door to the predawn world. A sweet relief of no busy minds was the clearest feeling. She was fully awake. Then the feeling faded, and she was fully aware.

No one was on the road save a few unfortunate shift workers, but she remained as diligent as if it were peak traffic. A short, humourless laugh escaped her behind the wheel. What a cruel twist of irony to repeat the event. She hadn’t delayed this time.

At the junction taking her from the city she opted a familiar route, and the false dawn breached where sky met sea as she pulled up beside the shore. The only one here. She escaped her car, planted her feet on the rocks before it, and stared at the overcast sky.

“If you’re there,” she said, “I’m sorry.”

But no matter how many times she said it, the words were not enough. Cassie’s eyes drew back to the drivers side of her Golf for a moment before she squeezed them shut, her fists with them, and looked out to the dawn following its friend.

The first regret was there was no friend now. A second later she realised there was.

----

At the first reasonable hour she drove up, and the staff directed Cassie to the breakfast room on the upper level, far from Liam’s apartments and somewhere Cassie had only been once, when Emily showed her around. She pulled the cuff of her sleeves over her palms and pressed them against her damp eyes, hoping to at least appear composed when she found him.

Clearing her throat as softly as she could, Cassie stared at the door, which stood slightly ajar. It was bright inside, the room faced west, and she hoped the sun was now high enough that he wouldn’t see exactly how hard it was for her to breathe.

“Liam?” she asked as she entered the room, spotting him after a moment as he paced before the windows. He interrupted the sunlight whenever he moved across them, but stopped in shadow.

“What are you doing here?” he demanded. Cassie flinched and resisted the urge to step back.

“I came to see you.” Her voice was the soft opposite to his. She could make out his features as her eyes adjusted. Liam’s expression was tight, his body so tense he stood statuesque, and his eyes were just as hard.

“To rub in your success?” he asked, then frowned deeper. “How much did they offer you? Enough to buy your studio? Move overseas? Pay whatever debt you have?”

“What are you talking about?” Cassie’s concern became confusion in her voice. She sidelined her reason for coming. There were no events she could think of that would cause such a reaction.

“Don’t be daft.” Liam grabbed a newspaper from the table between them and thrust it toward her. He paced again as she took it up.

An intentionally dark picture took half the cover; a bare, neglected room with a cradle at the far corner, a huge, oddly shaped blotch on old carpet, and what looked like a gun beside it. And superimposed was a head shot: a smiling young woman with striking blonde hair, a thin round face, and familiar pale eyes. She didn’t need to ask, because below the image and in the description, was her name: Anna. The stain was blood.

Cassie cupped a hand over her mouth, nearly dropping the paper as bile rolled up her throat. She swallowed the acidic taste, coughed, then read the title again. ‘How She Really Died’, with the subtitle: ‘A Horror Behind Red Tape’.

The news had apparently gone to print this morning. She had been nowhere but her home or her car since before dawn.

“Why did you do it?”

Cassie looked up and flinched to find Liam much closer, just out of her space. The anger in his eyes was a thin mask for the suffering that wound deep. She knew that pain was in his very soul because it lived in her as well.

“Why would you think I would do this?” she breathed, croaked rather, and cleared her throat again. Her mind shifted. “Does Emily know?”

“I’ve called her school, they’ll contact me if she wishes to come back.”

“Good. God, I hope she’s… are you okay?” She wanted to help him, comfort him, and pressed a hand over her heart to stem her own heavy ache. Liam shook his head.

“Cassie stop. Stop pretending. You got behind my defences, I should have known better than to let you, and you told them the first chance you had.” Liam’s words held so much certainty. Cassie wondered how long he’d been firm in the belief that she was capable of such a betrayal. Her other hand tightened around the newspaper.

“You don’t actually think I would tell anyone?”

“Honestly? I have no idea what to think. I know you are the second person I have ever told and two days later—this.” He pointed to the paper in her grip.

“And so you took the first possible explanation and stopped there.” Cassie’s voice cooled as she comprehended his narrow thought process. “With no consideration for how I’ve acted in the past. I have a lot of regrets, but betraying a friend will never be one of them.”

Liam searched her eyes, then closed his and looked away. “There is no other logical option.”

“Really? You’ve never had anything happen to you that you couldn’t explain in minutes? What a glorious life that must be.” Cassie threw the newspaper down.

“You have no idea what this is like.” He shook his head dismissively. Heat rushed through Cassie’s body at the callous words. There was so much hurt in his voice, but it didn’t touch her now.

“Yes, I do.” She blinked back tears. “I lost my best friend a year ago today. I had hoped to find one here, but apparently that faith was misplaced.”

Liam’s eyes widened a fraction. His mouth opened as if to speak, but nothing came. The silence settled and stretched, then Cassie released a breath, and the ache in her chest sunk deeper. Maybe this had always been inevitable. Maybe Liam wasn’t prepared or yet able to work through his past. When it was clear she would get no reply, she left.

Liam

Liam heard her footsteps retreat down the hall as he stared through the open door. A choked sound travelled back to him and tightened around his heart. He barely drew breath, willing himself to move. ‘You have no idea what this is like’ He was ashamed of the words, and they would ring in her mind. He followed her out.

“Cassie, stop,” he called, hurrying after her. She reached the landing and paused. Liam stopped a few strides away. His heart pounded as he waited for her to turn around, and hoped there was something, anything, that could undo his words.

Cassandra corrected her posture and turned stiffly to face him again.

“What?”

“I—” he cleared his throat. “I didn’t know about your friend.”

Cassie stared at him, her brow pulling tight, then said quietly, “That shouldn’t matter.”

Liam’s mind spun with thoughts he couldn’t grasp, and he struggled to find one that wouldn’t dig a deeper pit. The heat in the back of his ears didn’t help. He exhaled and tried to see the conversation from her perspective.

“No, it shouldn’t,” he conceded. “It was a stupid thing to say. I don’t…”

“Don’t what, Liam? Don’t have a conclusion already? You didn’t discover the ‘logical option’? What a fresh world this must be for you.” Cassie grit her teeth and took a deliberate step toward him, her face streaked with tears. “You are so busy trying to judge people’s intentions you never stopped to ask, and this is why you’re alone here, why you’ll always be alone. It’s not so damn frightening to consider someone other than yourself. I thought of all people you would know that.

“All I wanted was friendship,” she continued, “all I asked for was trust, but you couldn’t even give me that.” Cassie looked away from him for just a moment, but when he tried to answer she held up a hand and stepped backward. “I’m sorry that this happened to you, Liam, but I can’t do this one sided anymore, so this is goodbye. Give my love to Emily, and you make damn sure to remember how lucky you are to have her.”

There was nothing Liam could say to stop her walking away again. The back of his throat ached along with the rest of him, and he ran a hand over his mouth as he stared at the point where she had vanished around the corner. He wanted to collapse there, in the middle of the hall, or maybe scream. Of his own failure he compounded one pain with another. And now she was gone. He didn’t love Cassie like he had loved Anna, but the loss added to what he had felt every day for six years.

After some indeterminate time, he pulled himself up and exhaled. There were things he needed to do, tasks he could distract himself with. Liam swung round to return to the room he had come from and discovered he was not alone.

“That uh… looked rough,” said Drake, scratching the back of his head and glancing up the hall where Cassie had disappeared, then back to Liam.

He sighed, breath shaking, and cleared his throat. It did nothing to release the ache. Not that anything ever did. “How much did you see?”

“See? Not much. Heard?” Drake winced and folded his arms, appearing a little guilty. “Voices carry. Everything since you came into the hall.”

Liam’s ears burned again, and he glanced over his shoulder at the memory of Cassie’s anger. It wasn’t something he wanted everyone to know, but Drake wasn’t the worst person to overhear.

“Are you um… are you okay?” Drake asked.

“I just…” Liam drew in a choking breath and released an audible sigh. “Need some space.” Need a friend. “I’ll be fine.”

He didn’t need to look at this friend to know Drake’s expression was a mix of doubt and guilt and pity. It was one of the reasons they didn’t talk about Anna, and why he wasn’t the friend Liam needed right now. The one he needed was gone.

His mobile buzzed in his pocket a minute later on his way down the hall, and he pulled back all of the heaviness to the back of his mind, and focused on the external again. It was the school.

Emily needed him.

——–

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spikelovesjulia · 4 years ago

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Title: Julia Calls Me

Rating: Explicit

Fandom: Cowboy Bebop

Pairing: Julia/Spike Spiegel

Language: English

Chapters: 1/?

Words: 5419

Tags: Romance, True Love, One True Pairing, Getting Back Together, Established Relationship, Obsession, Trust Issues, Abandonment Issues, Codependency, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Healing, Explicit Sexual Content, Oral Sex, Making Love, Cohabitation, Domestic Fluff, Domestic Bliss, Bounty Hunters, IN SPACE!, Slice of Life, Family Dynamics, Cooking, Shopping, Hanging Out, Roommates, Friendship, Female Friendship, Male Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Developing Friendships, Financial Issues, Relationship Advice, Character Study, Character Development, Personal Growth, Fix-It, Post-Canon Fix-It

Summary: Having rid themselves and the world of Vicious, Spike and Julia return to the Bebop to start their new life together. Jet welcomes them with open arms. Faye has to adjust to the situation but she's trying. Basically, Spike Spiegel gets everything he ever wanted.

Notes: This is the story of Spike and Julia reconnecting as lovers and partners. But also having to wade through the deep emotional pain of having been apart for so long. I’m warning you now, this will be an EXTREMELY sexual fic. They will be going at it quite often. There will be a lot of needy desperate sex of all kinds. And a lot of Spike Spiegel being Spike Spiegel except now he has a girlfriend. 0.o

Chapter 1: I Got a Woman

“It’s really, really not much.” He told her with a self-deprecating laugh. Kicking himself for not bothering to get a decent bedspread or fucking sheets at any point in the past three years.

She smiled at him, her hand coming to caress his arm. “Whatever it is, it will be just fine.”

He opened the door to his room. There it was. Dingy, poorly lit, windowless. The drab bare walls of the Bebop not helping one bit. The one table he did have was cluttered with his belongings. The one chair in his possession draped messily with clothes. The small chest of drawers by his bed held a lamp atop it, among a collection of this and that. Then there was his bed. Big enough to fit two comfortably yet lumpy, worn, with a puke green bedspread flung on top, and bunched up sheets underneath. He had not been expecting company. Least of all that he would have her back in his life. In his room. In his bed.

“It’s cozy.” She told him politely, then smiled. “Maybe it just needs a woman’s touch?”

“Oh, it certainly needs that.” He agreed, returning her smile and nodding his head.

“I’ll be very happy here.” Her eyes sparkled. “As long as I’m with you.”

Are you? Are you finally with me? After I waited for so long?

“Make yourself at home.” He offered casually as he closed the door and followed her.

She began removing her coat, he was quick to help. It joined whatever was strewn over the chair. He’d almost lost her. Lost her for good. Everything inside him roared back in fierce desperation when he thought of it. He couldn’t afford to waste his chance. Their chance. He could never lose her again. Never.

A quiet moment lingered. It was electric... what hung in the air between them. They both could feel it. Then he was pulling her into his arms before he had so much as given his body permission to move. “Julia.” Her name escaped his lips. It was a prayer. A plea.

Smoothly he drew her in, as if he did this sort of thing all the time. And yet once their lips met, his need destroyed whatever sense he had left to him, as he claimed her mouth. Claiming was the only way to describe it. How he kissed her. He took. And he took. And he took. His tongue thrust deep and dancing with her own.

That he had been deprived this. That he had endured it for so long. That she had finally returned to put an end to his suffering. All of it transformed him into a man he could hardly recognize.

She moaned into their kiss and it was like a balm to his torn and tattered soul.

Love me again. Like before. I want it like before.

He just kept kissing her. No pretense of restraint. The sweetness of her lips calling to him. Maddening him until all he knew was lust and desire. All he wanted was to be lost in the bliss of her love. The bliss of her body.

Be with me. Complete me.

“Like that.” She encouraged, panting, almost crying out. “Just like that. Spike, please.” He started kissing down her elegant neck.

It was surreal. He had the woman of his dreams in his arms, saying please because she wanted to be fucked by him. How had his luck turned so drastically? Not two days prior he would have sworn he was cursed. Targeted by syndicate assassins. A liability to the few friends he had. The woman he loved lost to him for years.

His hands adroitly undid the buttons of her dark burgundy blouse. It was almost comical, how quickly his fingers moved. But honestly, the thing would have been ripped off her body if it hadn’t been one of the only articles of clothing she currently possessed.

The maroon lace of her bra clung prettily to her gorgeous breasts. Luscious and delectable in their beauty. His breath caught in his throat. Fuck he had missed them. Yet for this he slowed down. Because she deserved to be enjoyed. She was made to be enjoyed. She was so beautiful. Her golden curls shining in the dim light of his room. Her blue eyes bright and filled with need. His mouth so hungry for her. He had to taste everywhere.

He went for it. Burying his face between her breasts and nuzzling. Inhaling as deeply as he could. Her scent was like a drug to him. His hands coming to play with her pretty nipples. He could see them through the lace. He loved them. Love to suck on them. Taste them. To tease them gently with his teeth. He kissed across the swell of one breast and then the other. Adoring them. Such pretty tits. They were perfect. Round. So perky. Just what he liked. He heard himself moan. It was a sound he hadn’t made since he’d had her last. Nearly four years ago.

“You haven't changed at all.” He said burning the image of her in his mind.

“You’re too kind.” She told him in that sultry voice that beckoned to him. Then gave him an inviting smile.

This is real. He told himself. She is real. She is here. But it still didn't seem possible. He felt the creep of an irrational terror. What if he woke to find it all a dream? But the fear left his mind as soon as it came. She was in the process of removing the pants she wore.

Those legs. That body. The only reason he hadn’t gotten that bra off her yet was because he needed to see her in the bra and panty set. So, the panties did match then. They were the same maroon lace. Classy. Sexy. Not something she wore with the intention to provoke necessarily, but the lady provoked. The dark brown-red color contrasting so beautifully against the glow of her pale skin.

There had always been something dreamlike about her. He remembered that. Remembered the moments where he could not believe that she was real. How was it fair someone so beautiful should exist? And how was he to bear it? Was he to go mad because of her? Had he? Why else would such a beautiful creature exist, if not to drive men to ruin with her beauty?

Yet if that was the truth of it, he couldn’t bring himself to care. He just wanted and wanted.

The bra had long overstayed its welcome by then. He needed to see her body. It took him half a second to unclasp the thing with one hand. He pulled it off her and flung it to the floor. Her clothes belonged strewn on his floor mixed with his. Quickly discarded in the heat of passion.

She laughed. “Still good at that, I see.” Did she think he’d had practice in their time apart?

The question didn’t slow him down as he gazed at the most beautiful pair of tits he’d ever seen. Fuck. They really were perfect. Delicate and yet so proud. Right in that sweet spot. Not too big, not too small. Just exquisite. Taking a nipple into his mouth he began to suck greedily. She tasted so damn good. The sweet bud pebbling evermore against his needy tongue.

What about her? Had she been with anyone? No. He wouldn’t think of that. Yet jealousy was already blooming in the pit of his stomach. If she had, he didn't want to know. It didn't matter anyways, he reminded himself.

He suckled harder. That made her cry out. Baby, that is but a taste of what I have in store for you. He used to be able to get her all riled up and then have her mewling like a sweet little sex kitten. He needed that again. Needed it like he needed oxygen.

His hands went to her panties. “Not so fast.” She warned. He could feel himself pout. She laughed, but fondly. “I’m down to my panties and you have yet to remove a single article of clothing. How is that fair?”

“Well, if you want me that badly.” He said to her cockily, loosening his tie before pulling it off and discarding it with swagger.

“That’s a start. Keep going.” She ordered. He grinned at her, tossing his blazer off and then undoing the buttons of his shirt.

It was a rush, discarding his shirt and being naked from the waist up before her. She liked his body. At least she had. She’d kissed nearly every inch of him and murmured sweet nothings about how handsome he was. It had genuinely made him blush at the time. He knew he had. She’d teased him about it plenty.

And now? What about now, Julia?

As if right on cue she moaned for him. Coming to him. Putting her hands on his chest. Touch me, Julia. Touch me. His mind begged, even as she was. The caress of her finger tips a delight to him.

“You’re so beautiful.” She told him.

“Nah, that’s my line.”

“What is?”

“You’re so beautiful.” He repeated looking straight into her pretty eyes. She gave him one of her special smiles. The windy smile. No longer teasing, but genuine and touched. He loved that smile. It was treasure to him. He needed that smile. “I never stopped loving you.” He told her. Pulling her in for another hungry kiss. Holding her in his arms. Loving the feel of her against his skin.

There. He’d confessed. Say it back. Say it.

She took his face in her hands tenderly, looking up at him. “I never stopped loving you.”

Then he kissed her. Just kissed her and kissed her, because god knows what he would have said if he hadn’t.

His hands slip lovingly down her body, until he was caressing her beautiful buttocks. Sneaking both hands under her panties, he lovingly kneaded those gorgeous cheeks. He did it slowly. Sensually. Taking his time and enjoying the smoothness of her ass. He was going to kiss all over it.

“Pants.” She instructed him. “And don’t think I haven’t noticed this.” She said before caressing his raging erection. He groaned a little. It just felt too good. He’d been rock hard and twitching for ages now. Hell, he’d already been stirring since before they made it to his room.

“Oh that.” He chuckled. “I’m just happy to see you.”

“I’m happy to see you too.” She said as she undid his belt. He loved it when she did that. When she needed him so badly, she had to strip him herself.

But he was quick to remove the remainder of his clothing on his own. His orange striped boxers weren’t exactly the kind of thing he wanted Julia to see him in. He added new briefs to the ever-growing list of things he had to upgrade as soon as possible.

Yet he felt no shame in being completely naked in front of her. Naked and deeply, deeply aroused. His hard cock jetting out and straining at her desperately. This was natural. How they were meant to be. Just a man and a woman in love. About to make love.

“It’s even bigger than I remember.” She said to him. Heat and arousal in her voice.

“Trying to stroke my ego?” If she was, she’d been successful. He was all too pleased by that last comment.

“I thought you’d enjoy being stroked.”

He chuckled again. “Well, yes. Now, about those panties.”

He was already advancing on her. Forcing her to back onto his bed.

Once he had her where he wanted her. He went in for the kill. Pinning her to the mattress.

His heart ached wonderfully. As if it were beating for the first time in years. And yet the sorrow and longing of the long empty span of their time apart still resided deep within his chest. The sting of it lingering.

He kissed her. Kissed her like his life depended on it. Because it did.

What did anything else matter now? She was with him. Finally.

Then he was kissing down her body. Running his tongue down her neck, down her throat. Her head hung back giving him all the access he could want. Her body arching into him. Begging him to take her. He kissed along her clavicle and down further still. He took a nipple into his mouth. Couldn’t resist. Kept suckling while his fingers played with its twin. Then switched. He lavished them with his ardent and undivided attention. His hands coming to cup both of them at once. He was so greedy, and she was so beautiful.

“So. Fucking. Sexy.” He whispered before his mouth was hungrily at her breasts again. She whined, already panting heavy. Then he kissed the underside of her tits, kissed down, down, down her flat tummy. Stopping to lick her cute belly button. Then it was time.

He moaned loudly. They were soaked. They were soaked through.

He buried his face between her legs, only a strip of wet lace keeping him from what he most desired. “You smell so fucking good.” He said nuzzling his nose against the trembling pussy just underneath the gossamer barrier. Her scent was intoxicating to him. Just when he thought he couldn’t get any more desperate for her, he did.

He kissed her heated sex through the lace, darting his tongue out and running it long her crease and up to her clit. He sucked at her there. Through the lace. Fuck, he needed this.

He never forgotten the taste of her. Every time he’d come in the years they’d been apart, he’d had the memory of that taste in his mouth. Every single fucking time.

“Spike.” She pleaded. But he wasn’t letting up.

He raised his eyes to see her tits bouncing as her body thrashed about. He loved that. Loved everything about her.

Did she remember? Did she remember how he used to eat her pussy? How much he’d loved doing it? How he’d do it all the time? That he loved it when she was coming against his tongue, against his mouth, against his face?

He was pulling the panties off before he knew it.

Goddamn. Undressing her had always been like unwrapping a present.

And there was Julia in all her beauty. He gave himself a moment just to look at her. To drink her in. To feast upon the mouthwatering sight of his lover.

Julia had the most perfect pussy. The fucking prettiest, the tightest. The lovely pinkness of her so alluring to him. She was a literal goddess. The idealized embodiment of feminine perfection.

As if she could hear his thoughts, she opened her legs wider for him. Bending her knees and planting her pretty feet firmly upon the mattress. It was like being granted entrance into Eden.

So pink, so womanly.

He was the one panting now. His arousal near unbearable. His cock twitching wildly in anticipation. It must have been written all over his face how much he enjoyed this. She was blushing. Rose dusting across her cheeks. It pulled at his heart how lovable she was. How lovely.

He smiled at her before he began kissing down her inner thigh. Kissing adoringly. Making each kiss a promise. To love her eternally. To love her faithfully. To be good to her in every way.

Being like this with her again made him feel joy.

And she was enjoying herself too. That he could tell. But there was an eager nervousness about her. She wanted him! And yet… Are you worried, my love? About pleasing me? No woman has ever pleased a man the way you please me. You think that could ever change? All the planets and all the stars could crumble into nothingness before it did. And even then, it wouldn’t.

He locked eyes with her and licked his lips deliberately.

Then he spread her folds apart with his fingers, so he could see inside of her. I could come just from looking at you, Julia.

“You’re the most beautiful.” He told her. Then went in to kiss what was his.

He licked her. Moaned against her wet folds. It was just as good as he remembered. Fuck. It was. Or better. It was even better. He kept licking. Losing himself in it almost immediately. It’d always been like this. He’d always had an animal reaction to the scent and taste of his woman. It made him wild. He loved this pussy. Lived for it. Would die for it.

“Spike…” She cried. Her hands going straight into his hair. That’s it. Keep saying my name. Pull my hair if you want to. Just keep your hands on me and my name on your tongue.

“You like being licked like that?” He asked but didn’t wait for a response. The answer was quite obvious. He just did it again. And again. And again. Making her cry out from the pleasure of it every time. He really couldn’t give less of a fuck if Jet or Faye heard. “So sweet. You always taste so fucking sweet.” He told her between mad licks and swirls of his tongue.

“Spike.” She was chanting. “Spike. I want you.” He smiled into her pretty pussy as he kept going at her. Just going at her.

You have me. You’ve always had me. From the first. I was yours from the first.

He changed his tactic suddenly. On impulse. Maybe he wanted to draw it out a little bit more. Spreading her wide he licked inside her as deep as he could. He swirled his tongue again very deliberately and got exactly the response he wanted.

She screamed in pleasure. One hand immediately coming to clamp over her mouth, to keep herself quiet. The other still in his hair. Holding him in place. As if she had to.

Deftly he brought his index and middle finger into her opening and slid them in. He felt the overwhelming tightness almost immediately. Fuck. Maybe he should have started with just the index. It was like she’d never been with a man before. That both excited and offended him deeply.

She was fucking wet too. He’d licked up as much of that honey as he could get, savoring it on his tongue before swallowing.

He began retreating when she let out a protest. “Don’t.” He stopped pulling out. Stayed still as he listened to her labored breaths. His cock aching for her as he imagined what it was going to be like. “Keep going. Please, baby.” She’d called him “baby”. They really were together again. He didn’t know why, but that somehow made it official. He was her boyfriend. Her lover. Her man. It was real. Maybe because he’d always loved it when she called him sweet things. He loved to be dear to her.

“This pussy is just too tight, love.” He informed her. Two fingers still inside her, filling her. His thumb coming to work on her clit. “I’m going to have to do something about that.”

He missed the dirty talk. They used to say all kinds of deliciously filthy things to each other when they were in the mood.

“Are you trying to stroke my ego?” She asked seductively between pants.

“Not your ego.” He said curving his fingers up inside her just right

She gasped very sharply. He began pumping into her.

“That good?” He asked, his thumb still playing with her clit.

“Yeaahh.” She let out in the sexiest sob-moan he’d ever heard. Oh, Fuck. You’re going to be making that sound over and over again tonight. “I’m just adjusting.” She added breathily afterwards, as if embarrassed. “It’s… been a while.” Has it? How long, my love? Months? Years? He told himself to fuck off.

Nothing was going to ruin this for him. Nothing.

He watched hungrily as his fingers played with her. Fucking her. Stretching her. He could do this for hours. He had. So many times. Desperately, he went back to licking at her clit as his fingers fucked into her.

Come for me, Julia. Let that beautiful pussy come for me. Just let go and be mine.

It wouldn’t be long. She was already squeezing him with her thighs and bucking into him. Yes, baby. Like that. I wanna feel it. He switched from licking to sucking on her clit.

And there it was! There it was! Multiples! Right out of the gate. He took it all in, triumphantly. Wanting it so badly. Going back to eating her out like a mad man. Come all over my fucking face, baby. I need it. I’ve wanted you like this, exactly like this, the whole time.

Each climax had quite the exuberant release. Pouring from her scrumptiously in the most erotic way imaginable.

His left hand quickly slipped down to grip the base of his cock, otherwise he would have been shooting his load on the bedspread. You can make me come just by letting me lick you, Julia. If I let myself, I would.

He should have rubbed one out quickly beforehand. It was going to take effort not to blow it immediately. But he wasn’t a boy. He was going to fuck that delicious pussy like a man, no matter how fucking tight she was. She wasn’t anywhere near done coming for the night.

Fuck. Her gorgeous body was still writhing wildly. Her desperate sobs bringing him so much pleasure. What number are you on now, baby? Was that the third or the fourth?

When she started jolting, he knew it was time to stop. He needed to give her a moment.

He sat up so he could watch her. She was so fucking sexy. She’d just pulled her knees up to her chest as she rode out the last of her orgasms, her feet pointed, and toes curled. Her head flung back in ecstasy. Her sensual moans resounding through his room. They don’t make porn this hot, Julia. Just look at you. And he was looking. He saw a devastatingly beautiful woman laid out on his bed. Her gorgeous long blonde hair tussled about. Her spectacular body in an extremely erotic position. Her sex on full display and trembling. Her thighs glistening with her own desire.

I just licked every inch of that pussy. I want to do it all over again. I want to taste that pretty little rosebud just a bit further south too. He wanted to, so badly. But he could only grip the base of his cock for so long. He NEEDED to be inside her.

Grabbing at his bed spread he used it to clean up. When they were together last, she didn’t seem to realize how special it made her, how desirable. That her body would respond that way to him was so arousing, so gratifying. She’d been shocked when it happened the first time, and he’d lost his mind at the pure eroticism of it. So sexy. It had become an addiction, making her body do that for him.

“You good, beautiful?” He asked softly. His hands coming to pull her legs apart.

Blue eyes opened to look at him. She was stunning.

“Only you could make a woman come like that.” She told him. It was both a compliment and a rebuke.

I’ve only ever done that with you. Would only ever want to do it to you.

He grinned. “Only me? Why I’m just a humble bounty-hunter, ma’am.”

“Come here, Space Cowboy.”

He did so eagerly. Loving how playful she was being with him now. With the stress of having their lives threatened at every turn no longer hanging over their heads, they could pick up right where they had left off. Like you never left me at all.

“Julia.” He moaned as he came to settle between her legs.

Suddenly, her arms were around his neck and she was pulling him into a kiss. So far, he’d been the one to initiate, this time it was she who led. His arms were around her instantly as he returned her kisses passionately. So passionately. Matching her pace yet letting her guide him. She flavored their kisses. Taste yourself on my lips, my love. On my tongue. Know how sweet you are.

He loved that her hands were on him again. She ran them down his biceps appreciatively before bringing them to caress his back.

“Spike.” She called for him so desperately, though he was right there. His face millimeters from her own. “Make love to me.” It wasn’t the sultry seductress that was urging him to take her. It was the woman laid bare. The need thick in her voice, yet something more vulnerable shown in her eyes.”

“Like this?” He asked, lining up his cock with her entrance. She gasped. So, did he.

“I need you inside.” Oh, that’s all I want. All I’ve wanted for years and years. He started sliding in the tip. Just that felt like heaven. Fuck. The way that pussy sucked him in was beyond ecstasy. Now that she’d been properly prepared, he fit inside her so perfectly. Like they were made for each other. I was made for you, my love. My body was made just for you.

He groaned loudly. Too, loudly.

“Tight.” Was all he could say for himself. She smiled. There was the windy smile again. He smiled back at her. Loving her. Losing himself in her eyes. “You really are as gorgeous as I remembered.” He whispered as his hand stroked her cheek. Her smile deepened so beautifully that his heart melted in his chest even as his body struggled against the bliss of their union. The stretch of her over his cock giving him a pleasure he could scarcely handle. His body nearly overwhelmed by the sheer delight of it. But he held on. Fought manfully against the urge to succumb to it. Nothing else could ever feel this good.

He gave them time, caressing her with hands that had craved to touch her for years. With fingers that had longed desperately to stroke her golden hair. Kissed her with lips that had prayed for her return each and every moment they had been apart.

In turn, she clung to him. Moaning softly into his ear. Kissing him there. She’d told him once that she loved how he filled her. How full he made her. Do you love it still? Having me inside? I’ll make you love it.

Kissing her hungerly he began to thrust. They moaned together. There was a desperate need within him to just devour her. To take her, and take her again after that, because he wanted her so much. Like simmering water coming to a full boil, the passion of it became overwhelming. Too much steam. Too much heat. Too much need. He was at her breasts, kissing and suckling them madly, as he picked up the paste. Thrusting into the excruciatingly delicious tightness of her. Again, and again, until he had her at the peak of her desire. Until he was in great danger of reaching his own.

He wasn’t sure when he’d done it exactly. But at some point, he’d pinned Julia’s hands above her head. He held her down like that as he fucked her. Really fucked her. Thrusting hard and precise. Hitting the right spot over and over again. You think I forgot how to fuck you, my love? You think I’d ever forget something like that?

She was just moaning, sobbing. Chanting “yes” desperately. Then needily calling out his name.

“I know, my baby.” He’d whispered in her ear as he kept up the unrelenting pace. “It’s so good. It’s so fucking good.”

Then her hips began to jerk as her body was hit with wave after wave of pleasure. She let out a string of cries that sounded like he was doing something quite alarming to her. A thrill of masculine pride ran through him at that. Is it that good, love? Can it be anywhere near as good as what you're doing to me right now?

Holy fucking shit. He was truly the most blessed man to have ever lived. His cock getting milked by the tightest, wettest, hottest pussy. With one last thrust the scorching, blinding pleasure of it took him. Took him completely. His body shaking with the full force of his orgasm. He spilled his seed deep inside her. Coming like his body was trying to make up for lost time. Fuck, it was intense. To the point of being more than he could take. Only she could make him come like that.

Of the two, he was the louder, the most desperate. There was no helping it. He was only a man, and there was only so much he could take.

Minutes later, still panting and near delirious from the pleasure of it, he laughed a little. Out of joy. Because he was so happy. In a way that he had not been in forever. There had been a part of him that had long given up hope that this would ever happen again. He could not stop from smiling as he kissed her. Kissed her so soft. Kissed down her neck. Snuggled so close to her. Holding her. He saw that Julia had tears in her eyes. But they were a response to the physical exertion. Julia was like him. She never cried.

Guiding his head to rest on the crook of her neck, she hugged him tightly to herself. Wrapping her legs around him to prevent him from pulling out. I would stay like this forever, Julia. If I could. Tenderly she caressed him. His hair, his neck, his back. Soothing him so gently.

My love, you truly have returned to me at last, haven’t you?

Julia began to sing to him then. The way she had before. The way she had that very first time. He remembered waking up sore, battered and bandaged to the voice of an angel. A beautiful angel that nursed him and tended to him with such care.

He'd already been in love with her then. Sick with love for her. Had stumbled desperately to her door in hopes that he would see her face one last time before he died. But he hadn't died. She'd saved him. And when he was with her, had the privilege of spending time with her, got the taste of having some of her attention just for himself… he'd never recovered from that.

I can't do anything but be in love with you, Julia.

Her voice was so beautiful. He felt whole. If only for a moment he was. Cradled in her arms. In her warmth. In her love. How had he ever survived without this? How?

***

Were they finally done?! Some people were trying to sleep around here! She kept her pillow over her head. Who knew when they’d start up again?

Of course, this would happen, she told herself bitterly. She’d known that. She’d known it from the start. Of course, he would go to her. And of course, he would want to be with her.

She’d liked her too. At first. Now she didn’t know what to think about her. That Julia.

She supposed that’s what he liked. A dangerous, beautiful blonde that was refined and didn’t show much skin. You’d think she’d be chased with how conservatively she dressed, but she was clearly anything but. Julia was a woman that went to bed with her lover when it suited her. Let him fuck her wildly with no concern of who heard. She was the kind of woman that had her lover wrapped around her finger, and with very little effort on her part. As if it were the natural state of things, and maybe it was... for that type of woman.

One thing was obvious though, Spike was utterly seduced by her. Had been since the time he had seen her last. Years ago. How was she so powerful?! In a perverse way, she was honestly impressed.

Maybe she just loved sex and was really good at it? She certainly enjoyed it. Her moans had been loud enough. What had that idiot been doing to her anyways?

But his were the worst. Whatever he’d been doing, he was having a great time.

That bastard.

#cowboy bebop #spike spiegel #julia (cowboy bebop)#spike x julia #fanfiction #fanfic

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anboringday · 4 years ago

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A Morning With Lenny | Part 2

Summary: After a long, hot night of passion, Lenny and the woman he loves spend the following morning sleeping in...and things get heated again.

Pairing: Lenny Summers x f!Reader/OC

Word Count: 3.2k

Rating: Explicit/NSFW

Tags: Smut, lots of oral, foreplay, dirty talk, face humping, fluffy feelings sprinkled in, doing the usual kinky stuff with the cutest cowboy outlaw ever

Note: Being relatively new to the rdr2 fandom, I wrote this for myself because there just wasn’t enough Lenny fics out there and I HAD to change that. I love him so much and I hope you guys enjoy this!

Read on ao3

Part 1| Part 2

I woke the same way I’d fallen asleep, cuddled up to Lenny’s warm, gloriously nude body, his arm draped over me. His hazel eyes were glued to the pages of a book. My all-time favorite romance book!

“Lenny!” I snatched the novel away from him. “That’s mine!”

“Hey!” He tried to grab it back, but I rolled to the other side of the bed. “I was reading that, you know. It was getting good too, they were about to kiss—”

“Really now?” Giggling, I stretched my arms over my head. Through the sheer, linen window curtains, the gray dawn streaked the sky. “But you’re an intellectual, the harshest critic of the written word I know. I thought silly love stories were beneath you.”

“Nah, that ain’t true. Not all literature needs to be a thought-provoking masterpiece. Sometimes it’s all about the way it makes you feel, if you can relate to the context, and whatnot. Honestly though, I was just reading it ‘cause I knew you did. Can we…” He paused, a rush of red stained his cheeks. So cute. “C-can we read it together? From the beginning?”

“Yes!” Warmth flowed through me at the proposition. I handed Lenny the book and snuggled against him, breathing in the familiar scent of his skin, my head propped on his hard chest. “Are you going to read to me, Mr. Summers?”

“Sure. Anything for you.” He clasped my hand and pressed a kiss to my palm before opening the book, raising it to an angle suitable for the both of us to easily view the pages.

Lenny began reading aloud, his soft-spoken voice cultured, smooth, the long vowels of his words was damn near mesmerizing, sensual as sweet melted chocolate. Playing with the ends of his thick, curled locks, I drank in the beauty of his darkly stubbled face as I listened. His chest rose and fell with every breath, the crisp hair against my cheek tickled. I ran my palm down the rigid planes of his stomach, gently caressing the well-exercised muscles. His lean body was a work of art designed purely for female pleasure, and I enjoyed every moment of touching him.

We remained connected throughout the morning, his fingers threading through my hair soothingly as he spoke such lovely sounding words. I yawned, closing my eyes, my body lax in his embrace. Through the haze of sleep, I felt his weight and heat come down on me, his full lips brushed over my cheek.

“Hey,” Lenny said. “Dozing off on me already?” His fingers brushed over my sides, tickling me.

“Lenny!” I squirmed and threw my arms around him, burying my grinning face against his shoulder. “Stop that!”

His sensuous mouth twitched with amusement. “Sorry, it’s just so tempting. You’re so ticklish, it’s cute.”

“Shut up.” I pecked the tip of his nose. “Can’t we sleep in today?”

“I wanted to take you into town, catch a show, browse some of the stores, have a nice dinner at the saloon…” He planted a quick kiss on my lips. “But I reckon that can wait if you rather stay here. A day of rest and relaxation with my favorite lady sounds like a mighty fine idea to me.”

“I’m your only lady,” I corrected, raising my hand in a proud display of the platinum promise ring he gave me.

“The one and only. Since the day we met, you were all I ever wanted. All I could think about. All I could see. It’s always been you—my everything.” He caught my hand with his, our fingers intertwined. “Sometimes I look at you and wonder how I got so damn lucky.”

My heart thumped with a tender ache in my chest. Lenny could say such sweet things, wonderful things.

“We can’t go into town,” I said. “What if someone recognizes you from Blackwater? I just got you back. I won’t lose you again.”

His amber gaze drifted over my face, searching. “Running with gang kept me away from you for a long time. We lost everything in Blackwater, and I got so caught up in Dutch’s blood feud with the O’Driscolls—lying, cheatin’, and robbin’ fools from Valentine up to Saint Denis, trying to get the crew back on their feet…I wish I came back to you sooner.” Sighing deeply, he grew silent.

“You’re here now.” I stroked his cheek. “That’s what matters.”

“Maybe so. My dad used to say dwelling on the past is something like beating on a dead horse, ain’t no good ever come from it.”

“Your father was a smart man.”

“Sure was. An educated negro like him, good and kind, ain’t long for this world. It was only a matter of time.” His eyes glittered, wet with a deep-rooted pain for a split-second before he blinked it away.

My heart clenched. My poor, sweet Leonard…

He had suffered so much tragedy throughout the course of his life. Most of the time, he seemed unfazed, strong despite the pain lingering in his heart. But I knew better. He lived in a world that didn’t want him, didn’t accept him. His color didn’t suit their fancy and the scars of rejection ran deep, the hurt and loss probably ate at his soul on the daily. Wounds like that will never fully heal, but there were ways to lessen the sting.

“Lenny Summers,” I cupped his chin. “You’re gonna stop thinking those bad, silly thoughts right this instant. Look at me.”

He complied. Our eyes locked.

“You’re a good man,” my voice were clear, and distinct, without a shred of doubt. “Do you understand me? You are good. Perfect. You have every right to be here, to live freely, to laugh, to love—no matter what anyone says, no matter what they do—you’re a goddamn human being and that’s the end of it. You’re important. And I love the hell outta you. I always will.”

Blush deepening, muscles tensed, his mouth gaped open like a fish out of water, visibly struggling to find words. He was speechless, reeling from my praise. His shaken reaction was probably the most adorable thing I’ve ever witnessed in my life.

“Say something,” I urged softly, brushing over his cheek with the backs of my fingers.

Lenny took my hand and held it to his chest, his heart thumping, racing. He was apprehensive and impassioned. But why? What was he thinking?

Finally regaining his composure, he asked, “Do you feel that?”

“Yes.” The speedy rhythm of his heart didn’t let up.

“This is what you do to me. You have power over me, a hold—it’s like a snare I can’t escape, like a spell I can’t break.” He chuckled dryly, bitterly. “I never felt weak a day in my life until I met you.”

“You’ve been a wanted man for a long time, struggling to survive, fighting an endless war with the world around you. But you don’t have to be on the defensive with me. It’s okay to let your guard down. There’s more to life than being an outlaw.”

His eyes brightened. “Oh yeah, of course. There’s strong whiskey, fine music, good books, an oiled gun, gold nuggets and silver bullets.”

“Lenny…”

“But regardless of all that, you’re the best part.” Sweetly, he nuzzled my nose.

I giggled. “Well now, aren’t you charming?”

“Ain’t that the reason you love me?”

“One of the many.”

His full lips curved into a slow, breathtaking smile, dazzling against his deep brown skin. Sunlight dappled over his face, illuminating that strong, flawless jawline of his. Goodness, he was so very good looking, impossible to resist, and my love for him intensified by the day. I was helplessly addicted to Lenny Summers, the hours we spent together felt like minutes. I could never get enough.

My cheeks heated. “God, how do you manage to turn from cute to sexy in a matter of seconds?”

He smirked. “It’s a gift, part of my charm.” His hand touched my waist, sliding downward along my thigh. A curse hissed out between his teeth once he reached my lace garter belt. “You’re still wearing those?”

“You didn’t take them off me last night.”

“I don’t plan to.” Lenny rose to his knees, hovering over my scantily clad body, eyes smoldering as he stared down at me. “Keep them on. You look so, so, so pretty just like that.”

“Don’t you mean fuckable?”

“Hey, language!” He mocked me with a lopsided smile. “That’s no way for a lady to speak.”

“Oh, forgive me, Mr. Summers,” I said, my tone laced with sarcasm. “For a lying, thieving outlaw, you’re quite the prude.”

His nose wrinkled in protest. “Me? A prude? No, I’m more of a hopeless romantic with a love for dialect and vocabulary.” He drew close, his tongue traced the shell of my ear. My breath caught in my chest. “If you say things—the right things—you can put anyone in the mood.”

I shivered, hot and bothered, a heated ache between my legs. It wasn’t particularly the context of Lenny’s words that turned me on, but the sound…the huskiness in his voice, the way he dragged the vowels, sensual and rich with passion. His voice was smooth as velvet, unbearably sexy in my ear, sending vibrations deep into the core of my body.

He could talk any woman out of her clothes and into his bed without much effort. Not that he would though, he was much too tenderhearted, too sympathetic to be a womanizer.

He was truly one of a kind. And all mine, by some miracle.

A distinct warmth flooding my core, I shoved my hands into his hair and kissed him. I loved how soft his lips felt against mine. His arms enveloped me as he kissed me back, his tongue glided over mine with hot, savory licks that left me breathless and yearning for more. I could only imagine how amazing that firm mouth of his would feel in other places…

I moaned, feeling the prod of his impressive erection against my thigh. I wrapped my fingers around him, and he bucked his hips on contact, thrusting into my hand.

He groaned into my mouth, still ravaging my lips. The scent of our lust was heavy in the air, the heavy weight of his tense, magnificent body pinning me down. He was hard as stone, and hot. I stroked him from root to tip, my palm slick with precum.

“Ah, damn…” he uttered between kisses, lazily fucking my hand. “That feels good.”

“It feels better inside me,” I murmured against his lips.

He broke the kiss, parting me with his finger. “Not yet. You ain’t ready for me.”

With a feeble sound of protest, I buried my face in his neck.

“Hey, no pouting,” he clasped my chin, forcing me to look into his beautiful hazel eyes. His voice softened. “You’re so tight. I’ll bruise you if we don’t take it slow, okay?”

My gaze glued to his fiercely handsome face, an abrupt gratitude filled my soul. “I love you.”

He beamed, kissing my lips one last time before his tongue seared a path down my neck to my breast. Once he caught my nipple between his teeth, I flinched.

Lenny quirked a brow. “You’re sensitive.”

“I still haven’t recovered from last night,” I said.

“Relax, Sugar. I’ll be gentle.”

I blinked, perplexed by the endearment, although I adored how sweet it sounded from his lips. “Sugar?”

He uttered a soft assent, and returned his attention to my breasts, wrapping his mouth around my nipple, sucking lightly. His finger circled the other, the tantalizing caress brought a mist of perspiration to my skin. His tongue moved slow, exquisitely tender over my swollen flesh, soothing like a healing balm. Relishing the sensation, I closed my eyes.

I combed my fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp. “Is there anything you can’t do with that tongue of yours?”

Lenny flashed a wicked smile. “That sounds like a challenge.” His palms slipped under my hips, he yanked me to the edge of the bed, and dipped low. I slapped a hand over my mouth, smothering a gasp as his tongue fluttered over my clit. Two of his fingers inched inside me and I clenched eagerly around him, my leg draped over his shoulder. Heat swept over me, my heart slammed erratically in my chest.

The delicate rhythm of his stroking, curving fingers was wonderful, but it was his mouth that drove me crazy. The tip of his tongue lapped at my throbbing clit tirelessly…relentlessly. My hips churned, a violent shiver moved through me. He knew my body so well, exactly how to please me, everywhere he touched left a blazing trail of warmth behind.

I bit back a cry at the sweltering heat and lash of his tongue, my core convulsing with every tender lick. Dizzy, drugged and near mindless with sensation, my hands ached for his touch, gliding over his sweat-damp skin, tugging at his hair. He captured my palm with his free hand, our fingers laced together.

“Yes, Lenny, like that,” I urged. “Make me come.”

And he did, with the soft suction of his lips and measured thrusts. I shuddered, tingling, pleasure pulsated through me. Lenny didn’t stop. His tongue continued to work my clit as I rode his fingers shamelessly, my limbs trembling, my climax rolling on and on. I was melting, drowning in sensation. Tears stung my eyes, the walls that kept my emotions at bay breaking at the seams. Swept away by the ongoing waves of ecstasy, I wept silently.

Licking his lips, Lenny rose, lifting my sweaty, limp body along with him. His gaze searched my face with concern. “You okay?” I heard his question just barely past the blood rushing in my ears.

I managed a nod. Carefully, he set me down on the center of the bed, my head hit the pillow. He crawled in beside me, wiping the tears from my cheeks with a light sweep of his knuckles. “Was it too much?”

“No.” Pleasantly aching, I sighed. “You were perfect.”

His eyes studied me for a few beats. “Promise?”

“I promise.” Dazed from the toe-curling, spectacular climax he gave me, I shut my heavy eyelids for a moment. “It’s your turn now.”

“We have all the time in the world to make love. Why don’t you get some rest?”

My gut kicked. I forced myself up to face him. “No, we need an equal exchange. I don’t want you to feel used—”

He pressed a finger to my lips, silencing me. “I don’t feel used. That ain’t what this is. It’s just…I don’t wanna push you—”

I swatted his hand away. “Well, I’m not going to sleep until you come.”

His brows rose. “Okay, fair enough. I got an idea.” He shifted to his knees, the blunt tip of his throbbing cock nudged my lips. With a toothy, iconic grin smeared across his face, he requested sweetly, “Lubrication please?”

I gladly drew him in until he hit the back of my throat and was rewarded with a sultry burst of more precum. A pleased murmur escaped me as I savored the taste. He swelled, growing thicker and larger under the flat of my tongue. His balls were big, heavy, a bold display of potent virility. I played with them, rolling the weighty pair in my hand, feeling them tighten.

My eyes were riveted to Lenny as he tipped his head back, muscles rigid and breathing ragged. A deep groan of delicious agony rumbled in his chest. “Goddamn, your mouth…fuck.”

Lenny was the most calm tempered, well-composed man I knew. Watching him unravel like this, face flushed with lust, cursing, the pleasure threatening his control—it was so very satisfying. And sexy.

He drew in a deep breath, steadying himself. “Okay, I-I reckon…that’s good enough.” He pulled out, altering his position, his knees came down at my sides.

I stared at him quizzically as he knelt over me, his slobber-coated cock stood erect above my heart. “What are you doing?”

“Something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time. Since the day I laid eyes on you.” He cupped my breasts in his hands, kneading them, rolling my nipples into tight points between his forefingers and thumb.

I whimpered, arching into his hand, unbearably sensitive. His rigid length slid between the valley of my breasts, and I gasped, squirming. Why not use my mouth for pleasure instead? “Lenny—”

“I need this.” His eyes were heavy-lidded with desire as he began moving his hips, his big cock gliding between the softness of my chest. “I love you.”

The tender words rolled off his tongue with a quiet, yet passionate intensity. A bubbly sensation struck my heart. “Feels that nice, huh?”

A wry smile pulled at his lips. “I might have an unhealthy obsession with…you know.” He smacked my breasts playfully. “Don’t tell anyone.”

“Your secret is safe with me, handsome.”

His blunt crown brushed my mouth with every stroke. I kept my lips puckered, kissing the tip, loving the unique taste. The rhythmic slap of his balls against my tits had my clit aching for attention once again, but I didn’t care. Right now, nothing in the world mattered more than satisfying him. I wanted to do this for him, he deserved it for being so good to me.

The arousing sight of his sharply sculpted abdomen and lean, pumping hips was enthralling, his sweaty, beautiful brown skin shined and glistened like priceless jewels beneath the light. He was stripped bare to the primal desire where only the race to climax mattered and still, I was spellbound by his beauty. Swooning. He was divine. Heavenly. Fitting of worship.

“I’m close,” Lenny trembled, his voice was a guttural rasp.

“Give it to me.” Grasping his straining thighs, I propped myself up on my elbows and opened my mouth.

I took him in, hungrily sucking his solid length, my cheeks hollowed with the strength of my all-consuming need to pleasure him. He gripped my hair, frantically thrusting—punishing my throat with his big cock. My eyes stung and my lungs burned, but I was too turned on to give a hell. The sounds he made and the loving praises that slipped from his lips made it all worth the effort.

He emptied himself into my greedy mouth, the first spurt of his load so thick, it was a hassle to swallow. His entire body shuddered as I eagerly drained him of everything he had.

I licked him clean afterward. He curled up next to me, pressing tiny, appreciative kisses to my shoulders and neck. “I’m gonna need you to do that more often,” he uttered, and then added sweetly, softly, “Please.”

The vivid blush on his cheeks warmed my heart. “Of course I will, but first, I’m going to need some real food in my tummy.” My stomach rumbled. “As scrumptious as you may be, I can’t live off you alone, Lenny.”

“Your wish is my command, Sugar.” He pulled away and reached for his satchel on the nightstand. “Luckily for you, the last stagecoach I robbed had all kinds of goodies—”

I clutched his stubbled chin, drawing him back in. “Forget that canned slop. Wouldn’t you prefer a homecooked meal?”

“Cook?” His brows scrunched up. “Uh…I’m not—I can’t—”

“Sure you can. I’ll teach you. We can whip something up in the kitchen together.” I cupped the side of his cheek, looking into his eyes. “As long as we have each other, there’s nothing we can’t do.”

His gaze sparkled, the golden flecks wildly radiant and alluring as always.

#lenny summers #rdr2 lenny #rdr2 #smut #rdr2 fandom #red dead redemption #red dead redemption 2 #writers on tumblr #fanfic #romance #lenny x oc #rdrwriting #fanfiction #love #self insert #rdo #rdr #rdr fandom #rdr fanfiction

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tokoyamisstuff · 5 years ago

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Oneshot: “Constant Danger” - Bucky x Reader

Summary: When you put down the rose-coloured glasses, you realize just what it meant to be in love with someone who suffers from PTSD. And little did you know that the infamous Winter Soldier was still a part of your lover...

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Unhealthy Relationship

Words: ~5000

A/N: I don’t think that’s what you had in mind, but that whole story is heavily influenced by my personal experience, I really couldn’t help it. So this is mainly an internal monologue of the reader about their experiences. Sorry.

PS: No, I don’t advice to leave your partner at the slightest inconvenience. But I highly advice you to search for professional help, especially if you feel your own mental well-being being being affected by them.

Masterlist to my other works right ->Here<-

How long have you been awake already?

It felt like an eternity since you started rolling around in bed, while Bucky was peacefully snoring to your left.

Your glare wandered from the ceiling to the clock on the wall, telling you it was exactly 2:46am.

Until this day you didn’t understand what was happening to your body.

It wasn’t even for the fact that you felt uneasy in your own home, or that the sheets felt like sandpaper on your skin.

No, it was the irrational fear for your life that kept you awake.

On the outside, you appeared calm and tired - and oh, you were so damn exhausted that you didn’t understand why your body couldn’t just let you being embraced by a sweet, sweet sleep.

Yet every time you closed your eyes, just seconds before your consciousness would pass the line into the land of dreams, your heartbeat would increase a thousandfold, pumping adrenaline through your veins and painfully shooting jolts through your brain and every nerve.

Suddenly, your thoughts would spiral down to that same point again, where the only topics you could think about were irrational fears and grotesque themes.

And again after hours of spotting dark shadows in the room and making up weird monsters out of them, your lids would close again, just for you to see terrifying scenarios play in the dark of your head.

Why?

You were a rational person, yet felt so disconnected from your own body, which desperately tried to deliver a message through his malfunctions.

“It isn’t safe here.”

“Go away.”

“Never come back.”

Turning around, you saw Buck being still soundly asleep. You could’ve waken him up, or simply snuggled onto him to listen to his heartbeat.

But for a long time now that wouldn’t help you get out of your skin and calm the storm in your heart. You couldn’t help it, but you didn’t feel save in his arms anymore.

Because he was the reason you felt that way in the first place.

You wanted it to be just like in the movies.

Like all those romance novels, where the broken soul of a though-looking but sensitive man could be healed solely by the love of one person alone.

Well, real-life doesn’t work like that - you had to learn it a hard way.

You remember it like yesterday, the first night when you realized things wouldn’t go as easily as you had anticipated.

...

It was December 12th, 2018 and you and Bucky were together for a few months already.

Just shortly before, your boyfriend had decided to join the forces of the Avengers, ignoring every protest of you that he should’ve just let the fighting behind.

On that night, he’d come back from his first mission, and things sure took a stroll on him. It had been in one of the remaining bases of HYDRA, after all.

You gave it your best to comfort this completely devastated man. Running a bath for him, giving him the space he needed and tying to be as quiet as humanly possible. Even preparing his favourite food and when he got a little better, playing some of his favourite tunes from back then.

And it worked: Soon, your scarred fighter would warm up again, his face relax and he’d finally be able to curl you up into his arms.

“Thank you so much” he mumbled into your hair as he softly caressed your back, “You’re so understanding.”

Bucky couldn’t help but to feel guilty at how much effort you took into making him comfortable, and not ever giving you anything back in return.

But you knew him better, you knew his pure heart and brave soul and you simply loved him too much to ever ask for anything else.

“It’s alright” you cooed at him, daring to carefully placing your lips onto his. He pulled back, still buried in his own thoughts and easily overchallenged with too much bodily contact, but he cherished the kiss nonetheless.

“Let’s go to sleep.” Already standing up, you softly pressed his hand and guarded him into the bedroom. His eyes were shining on your form, and you couldn’t help but giggle as he looked just like a lost puppy at that moment.

He plummeted onto the mattress, making you fear it could break under his weight. Crawling close to him, you snuggled your back onto him and soon he’d put your arm and leg around you, effectively trapping you into his hold.

You could feel his breath on your neck as his lips ghosted over your neck, his voice barely audible as he said “I love you, Y/N.”

Only you could have this effect on him.

And so the night went on, with a comfortable lack of words, since those weren’t needed for you to understand each other.

You wished it could be like this forever, with his head on your chest as you protectively held him into your arms, your humming finally lulling him into sleep.

Of course he wouldn’t just sleep save and sound that night, and you were used to his nightmares. But you were prepared, and you’d be fine with it.

They’d all begin the same way: He would begin to twitch in his sleep, making weird noises paired with muttering some Russian words under his breath.

But this time was different.

He wouldn’t wake up on his own, being trapped in his nightmare.

It was just too hard for you to watch how his chest rose and fall, deep breaths becoming short and strangled as he tossed his head from left to right.

Still half asleep yourself, you dared to try and put an end to his misery by waking him up.

“Buck” you said softly but to no avail. He tossed himself to the side now, mumbling something like “Stop”.

His face was now directly in front of yours. “James!” you begged, and when his eyes squeezed open you thought to have saved your lover from the curse that was his own mind.

“Ouch!”

Just when you were about to cup his cheek with your hand, his metal arm had grabbed yours, deeply digging into the flesh. His mind was still fogged by the dream, the memories - and his body would act on his own, thinking you were an attacker.

“Bucky! Please!” Your arm got twisted by his other hand, almost breaking it in the process, when you finally took up the courage to kick him in the guts and escape his grip.

“B-babe! Baby doll!” he half jawned, only now realizing what he had done when a bruise formed on your wrist. “Oh god, wha- have I done this?!”

Crawling backwards until he fell out of the bed, Buckys stare would never leave your shocked expression as you rubbed on your skin to ease the pain.

“It’s nothing wild, Buck” you mumbled, trying to put on a straight face again. “You had a nightmare, dear.”

When he wouldn’t answer let alone climb into the bed again, you decided to just join him on the floor, trying to show him you were not afraid. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Guilt was basically dripping out of every pore of his, but even as you tried to touch him, he didn’t make any move, afraid he’d hurt you again or scare you away.

“I-I hurt you” he stuttered, tears already running freely. “God, I am a-”

“Don’t you dare saying it, James.” Oh no - his first name. Every time your tone became that serious, Bucky would know that there was no use in arguing with you. “Stop that self-loathing.”

Your voice would relax again as you put one hand onto his chest, trying to give him your most reassuring smile.

“I thought you’d know me better than that, Mr. Barnes.” Trying to lighten up the mood was never your top skill. “I’m an Avenger, I can take much more. I was just surprised. And you were just asleep.”

Pointing to the bed, you tried to change the topic. You knew you couldn’t keep him from hating himself for what he had done, yet you knew what was even more important to him: Your well-being.

“I’m very tired, yeah? Can we just go to sleep and talk it over tomorrow?” That’d buy you some time to think of a strategy to get him out of that hole. “C’mon.”

Without saying as much as a word, he’d reluctantly get up onto his feet again, letting you wrap hin into his blanket.

You really were exhausted. It was no lie. First you had feared that your husband would never return from that mission, and now you had to care for your broken soldier.

So sleep forced itself on you, only leaving you to see him shuffle as far away from you as possible as you passed out.

“Buck?”

He was nowhere to be seen. Taking a quick look at the clock, you realized it has only been 3am.

Couldn’t be that far away, you thought, so you simply went to the toilet and stumbled into the kitchen, getting yourself a glass of water. When you passed the living room on your way, you found him - lying on the sofa, so he’d never disturb your sleep again.

Your boyfriend thought you to not be safe as long as he was around.

Nipping on your water, you let out a deep sigh and wondered why he didn’t hear you and wake up until now. Little did you know he only acted like he was asleep, having cried his heart out until now. He had closed the door to the bedroom, so you wouldn’t hear. He didn’t want to disturb you.

"You are really hopeless” you thought, still cracking a smile at his sleeping form. There was no use in talking sense to him, and actions would leave more of an impact to him.

So you just laid down on the small couch, pressing yourself against him as you gave him a bear hug.

“Doll...” he whined, but to no avail.

“I’m not going to let go off of you ever again.”

...

A sole tear left the corner of your eye, a salty taste burning onto your lips as it ran down your face, remembering how he made you breakfast the next day, finally able to smile again.

Those were the pleasant memories of your relationship. Of how you communicated, got over any hardship - laughed, loved. Got forwards together and leave the dark past behind.

Are you at fault? Have you just not been strong enough?

Because right now, when you thought back at everything, you felt nothing. Empty, as if your heart had been replaced by a black hole, draining all happiness you’ve ever felt.

Oh, how badly you wished you could go back to those times, where everything was this easy for both of you. Or at least seemed that way.

Both of you had been so naive.

You rose your dominand hand into the air, watching your fingers slowly move in the dim light, before you wrapped them around your throat.

There it was again, that sore feeling.

One shouldn’t mix work and privacy, you knew that now.

That was why you and Bucky only ever had one mission accomplished together, and never again.

You’ll never forget how it felt to have Buckys - no, the Winter Soldiers - hand on your throat, constricting your airway as he stared you down, gleefully watching life faint from your eyes.

He stil blames himself for it, like he’d always do, acting as if he was responsible for all the misery on earth.

But what should he have done? He couldn’t fight it.

It was your fault and yours alone that you send him there, telling him he was strong enough to face his former handlers alone.

What kind of naive speech you held for him, thinking that it was necessary for him to face the demons of his past - and Bucky couldn’t help but do as you please.

You knew they only had to speak those words, which still had this much of an effect on him. How could you have been so stupid?

And ever since then, guilt was eating him alive, and you were only able to watch.

Because love isn’t enough sometimes. You knew now.

You let your hand run over the scar over your airpipe, which the doctors had to cut to ventilate you after Steve saved you through CPR, while Bucky simultaneously had a mental breakdown.

That day changed everything.

Not because you were technically dead for five minutes, no.

It was because it made you realize just what kind of live you lived up until now, and made you think about what you really wanted.

And ever since, the feeling of getting air sucked out of your lungs would return again and again, haunting you every night and becoming worse the longer you waited.

Because it was suffocating to be with Bucky.

You turned around again, pressing yourself againt a giant pillow as your watch got stuck on your side of the wardrobe.

Did Bucky have a clue about the bag that you had been packed to make your leave? It has been there for months, yet you didn’t dare to make that step until now.

He was vary of everyone, and wouldn’t miss any detail - but he trusted you. Bucky would never monitor you or question your decisions.

And that was only making you feel even worse about yourself.

Picking up your cellphone, you scrolled through a list of contacts. Who could you ask to pick you up, to stay at when you’d actually leave?

Over those past years, you had lost so many friends...

No, of course Bucky would never try to keep you away from them, or stop you from having any fun without him. Your boyfriend was never one to tell anyone what to do, let alone forbid something.

But you knew it was torturing him to be alone, and he needed you to be at his side 24/7. It was suffocating from time to time.

He had no own life, no hobbies or friends except for Steve, which he had a troubled relationship to ever since he returned. And now Steve was old, having lived his life in an alternate reality. Not that anyone wouldn’t grudge him for that - he obviously deserved it.

But Bucky felt left alone by anyone on this world - except for you.

And everytime you wanted to meet your friends, you saw it in his eyes: The terror of the upcoming hours, the sadness and loneliness.

More than one time, you cancled plans yourself - caring for Bucky, together with maintaining a household and working at a normal job besides the Avengers, it was all too much.

Exhaustion became your steady companion.

And even if you managed to meet up with someone, Bucky would send a thousand messages or even calls, telling you how much he misses you and askin when you came back just after a short time.

Sometimes harsh words would leave his lips like how you wouldn’t enjoy yourself with those people, how that activity sounded stupid or how he thought those people weren’t real friends for you.

He was simply afraid of losing you, knowing what most of them thought of him. So he tried to separate you from them, even if only subconsciously.

But you understood them. Everyone who cut contact with you, it was only natural.

They tried to be patient, to give you advice and help you. To get you out of there.

But you wouldn’t listen, wouldn’t even try to keep in touch.

You didn’t even realize how you were slowly sinking down into your own, dark hole, separating you from everything and everyone you loved.

Giving up hobbies, sleeping way more than usually, barely leaving the house and building walls around your heart by telling yourself you were happy this way.

Or at least, if you couldn’t be happy, you wanted Bucky to be.

Yes. Everything would always revolve around Bucky’s feelings and traumatas.

One would have to sneak around him like a wounded animal, always fearing to hurt his feelings and cause a relapse.

And it kept you from telling about how you really felt, because all the time your only feeling was “He has it way worse. What should I whine about? I’m so selfish.”

So you swallowed everything: The stress, the anger, your sadness. All those fears you kept in your heart. Because his feelings were more important, since he had experienced such gruesome things.

And most of the time, he wouldn’t even realize when something was bothering you.

He was in his comfort zone, having you to nurse him and settle everything he couldn’t do. Some people do dwell in their role as the incurable ill, the victim of their sickness, or so they say.

As long as it could go this way, your boyfriend would never change anything himself, being too afraid to face reality and try to better that situation.

Bucky just wasn’t able to care for you. Hell, he wasn’t even able to care for himself!

And it made you wonder:

Will you ever be able to have a future with this man, children even? Be able to fulfill your own dreams?

The voice of your therapist echoed in your head. You made appointments with him behind Bucky’s back, but he was telling you the inconvenient truth - what you already knew yourself, but would’ve never admit:

“I think your panic attacks are caused by your fears of the future. Because you know you won’t find what you’re searching for in this man.”

But you didn’t want to leave him. You couldn’t even think of giving up after having been able to withstand all the troubles for so long, just tossing everything you’ve been through in the trash.

You thought together, you could make even the impossible possible.

A therapy? For Bucky? No way!

After everything that had happened back in Berlin, they couldn’t be trusted.

So no matter what you said, not even when you begged him to, there was no hope that he’d ever attend something like that. Because of that, he sticked to his unhealthy coping mechanisms.

And all the more you felt like he took it for granted. Everything you’ve done to him, gave up for him.

Yet as you said before: Talking wouldn’t change everything.

Trying to argue like grown ups was simply not possible with someone that emotional. There was no way to stay rational, so everytime you’d try to adress problems, it always ended the same:

He’d begin to cry or even have a panic attack, and you had to be the one to comfort him instead of the other way around. And afterwards, he’d act as if the problem was resolved and kept on like always.

As if troubles could just disappear into nothingness...

And it made you feel that you couldn’t talk about your own hurt without hurting him, too.

Surpressing emotions wasn’t the healthiest way to deal with pain. And so you would soon learn what it meant to have panic attacks yourself.

All those bottled up emotions would soon get their revenge, and on a regular basis at that.

How often had you invented some weird excuse to spend the night with a friend or at your parents house, just to escape that painful beating of your heart?

To have one peaceful night and silence those voices in your head?

But that was just you stalling for time until you’d actually make a decision.

Your glare wandered to a letter on your nightstand: It was from one of the best psychiatric hospitals in America.

Yeah, there was a time when you’d confront him about everything, not able to stand the situation any longer and giving him an ultimatum.

Tony would’ve paid for everything. The best doctors, therapy as long as needed in a beautiful, calming environment.

It didn’t even last a week until he was at your doorstep, trying to talk himself into thinking it was their fault not his that he didn’t pull through with it.

There was no forwards or backwars. The two of you were standing still, stuck and unable to make a move.

It can’t go on like this.

Can’t

can’t

ca-

AH!

Your head was spinning as you scrumpled the now tear-soked piece of paper and tossed in into a corner of the room, wincing as you thought to have waken up your boyfriend.

He turned onto his back, letting out a short sigh but didn’t wake up either way, making you admire his features one last time.

This was how you wanted to remember him. Not his faults. We all have them, including yourself.

But you felt that feeling creep into your heart again, poisoning it from within.

How pitiful: You’re a hero, a saviour of this world - but you couldn’t save the love of your life.

And like that, you admitted defeat.

Placing one last kiss onto his forehead, you wanted to make your leave. It felt like an eternity had passed until you were finally able to pull away from him, but you managed.

You weren’t strong enough to look into his eyes as you’d rip his heart out, no matter how much it pained you to do it in this kind of way.

So you carefully placed the letter you wrote for him onto the kitchen table, putting the keys to your shared flat on top of it.

The letter was long. Several pages of you pouring your heart out, finally being able to say everything without leaving anything out.

You wanted him to understand, but you didn’t know if he would.

And you didn’t know what the future held for you.

But you knew one thing when you took your bag and stepped out into the night, a full moon greeting you as he lighted the way:

For the first time in years, the future didn’t scare you - it meant hope.

___

[16 Monts later.]

The Stark Tower looked different - but as you were now, you embraced every kind of change.

Wandering around with a glass of champagner in your hand, you could basically feel the confidence radiating off of yourself.

This was your night.

So much had happened those past months, and you wouldn’t change for the world. It really was for the better, after all.

You continued therapy, achieved many goals and would finally say that you got your life ordered once again.

The panic attacks were gone completely, making room for nothing but happiness and joy.

But one question still burned under your fingernails, and this was the time to find out:

How was your ex doing?

You spotted him immediately. Wow, actually you weren’t even sure if he’d attend such an event. He was never one to be comfortable around big crowds.

Bucky looked different: His hair was shorter and even his beard seemed to be very well trimmed.

Yet most important to you was: He looked way less exhausted and strained, the dark circles under his eyes having disappeared completely.

When your eyes met, there was a feeling of familiarity that warmed your guts very pleasantly.

You’ve missed him - even after all that had happened.

“Hi” he shyly greeted you as he approached you with firm steps, holding his drink up for you to bump with yours.

“Hey, Buck.” Hearing his nickname out of your mouth made him wince a little. “How are you doing?”

You felt like a hypocrite asking this, after leaving him alone just like that.

But little did you know that he was wide awake when you left back then, yet he made no effort in holding you back. He was lost in his own world most of the time, yet he knew it was for the better to put an end to this - even though he had never brought up the courage to end that cursed relationship himself.

“I’m very fine, actually” he answered confidently, giving you a warm smile as he rubbed the back of his head. “I’m visiting Dr. O’Sullivan twice a week, and the medication really helped. It’s not as bad as I portraited it to be. Quite the opposite, actually.”

Immedately, he took a step back, feeling like he had said too much. “Sorry, I’m only talking about myself again. Iknow that’s not your business anymore. And there’s much better topics to talk about. So-”

“It’s fine” you interrupted him. “You don’t know how glad I am to see that you’re finally able to enjoy life.”

You looked over his shoulder and saw Sam, weirdly gesticulating something like a thumbs up before disappearing in the crowd. Seemed like Bucky actually had managed to warm up and make friends, even though you heared that he’s not an active part of the Avengers anymore.

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t help you” you whispered, voice cracking painfully as you thought back to old days.

Bucky’s warm hand cupped your cheek before you could even finished that sentene, forcing you to look into his eyes.

They were brighter than you remember them, seemingly present rather than stuck in the past.

“Don’t blame yourself, doll” was his firm answer, “You’ve done everything you could. You can’t help someone who’s not ready to get help themselves.”

He retorted his hand, knowing it’s too much after all the time that had passed. “And never doubt that you made me happy. Never.”

You couldn’t stop the tears from falling, rubbing them out of your face to not ruin your makeup.

“Maybe we should change the topic.” Bucky gifted you a lopsided smirk as you realized it was your favourite song playing. “Shall we?”

And just like that, you found yourself on the dance floor, hands intertwined with your former lover.

Not all things from the past were bad, after all.

“We never had the chance to talk this over” he breathed, pacing a small kiss on your hair just like he always loved to do.

You had a new fragrance, he noticed as he inhaled your intoxicating scent.

“Shouldn’t sound like an accusation” he added, “Back then it wouldn’t be possible. I know that.”

Twirling you around to take in your whole appearance, just to catch you again in his broad shoulders, there was it again:

You felt safe. You felt at home.

With Bucky.

“Maybe-” he stopped himself, unsure if you really wanted this, “Maybe we could talk a bit more, maybe over coffee?”

It didn’t need much persuation since you’ve already pulled him down to your height, pressing a hasty kiss onto the corner of his lips, leaving him totally baffled.

Both of you knew that was the beginning of a new adventure - a second chancce.

“I’d love that.”

_______

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