#the reason why was bc the second I left school anything school-related was Gone from my mind

[aliosne]

Also during conversation with client M last night she asked if/when I’d started ADHD meds and if I’d had them as a child would I have— and I didn’t even let her finish I was like it would have fucking changed my life and maybe I would have a PhD now

[zevlors-tail]

Rooftops

Pairing: ProHero!Deku x Reader

Description: Sometimes being a Hero isn’t just fighting villains and rescuing people from burning buildings; sometimes it’s battling demons and rescuing people from themselves instead.

Warnings: Suicidal reader, thoughts of suicide, attempted suicide? (reader doesn’t succeed), trauma bonding, mentions of bullying, little bit of touch starvation? Talks of therapy, decision to try therapy.

A/N: I guess you could say I needed to vent some heavy things. PLEASE do not read this if you are triggered by anything mentioned above. Also, I HC that Midoriya never would have gone through with it, but he might have at one point been in the reader’s position, and I wish they would expand on how what Katsuki said and did to him in middle school affected his life more. I will never be satisfied until we get a proper apology from Bakugou and the two of them sort out their feelings about it, bc you KNOW that had to create some trauma. So I guess this might be sort of a fix-it fic? Also, I’m sorry for the ending, it might be cringe, idk. I can’t help but add fluff to everything I write, apparently. I love Best Boi, what can I say?

You breathed in the cool night air as you leaned against the railing, fingers trembling slightly against the rusty metal. Everything seemed so surreal; the noisy traffic below, the people bustling down streets and alleyways, the dimmed apartment lights from the building across... What did any of it matter? In the grand scheme of things, you were just a small spec of the universe observing all these phenomenons, a waste of space taking up time that could belong to something or someone more useful than your sorry excuse of an existence. That’s what you thought, at least.

You leaned a little farther over and rested your chest against the bars of steel. Would anyone miss you if you were to just...disappear? If you dropped everything and left right now, would anyone care? Would anyone cry for your absence? These were questions you had asked yourself over and over again, and each time you had managed to convince yourself that maybe, just maybe, the answer was yes, someone would care. But each time the questions rolled around in your head, it got harder to convince yourself of that. You found doubts in every corner of your mind, in every crack and crevice of your brain that they could slink into. Quiet at first, but now as loud as a siren, they overwhelmed you and made you believe you were worthless. They beat you down, exhausted you, claimed your once happy spirit and soiled it with numbness and apathy. Those doubts were the reason you wholeheartedly believed that you no longer mattered to anyone.

They were also the reason you were twenty stories up in the air on the roof of your apartment building.

Steeling your nerves and taking a deep breath, you let everything sink in. This was what you were waiting for all these years. All of your life had lead up to this single moment; all of your past mistakes, all of your life decisions, all of the lost friends, your job, your family and their snide remarks, your short comings...and all the rest. It didn’t matter. Every time you blinked, every sneeze, every laugh, whether genuine or fake, didn’t matter. Nothing mattered, including you.

Nothing matters, and no one cares.

And with that final thought, you hoisted yourself up and over the railing, limbs heavy with a dull numbness as you planted your feet loosely on the other side. For a second you balanced yourself, arms outstretched behind you to grip on to the bars for one last fleeting sense of security. Just one more step. But even as you moved forward, you found that your hands seemed to tighten their grip on the steel, and suddenly you felt physical panic despite your mind telling you that this was what you really wanted. It seemed your body was defying your mind.

“I don’t think you want to do that.”

Startled, you stumbled back and tightened your hold on the rails until your knuckles turned white. Were you imagining things, or did you just hear a voice? And if so, who was it and what were they doing all the way up here? Whatever their business was though, it surely had nothing to do with you, right? So why were they meddling in your affairs when you just wanted to be left alone? The thought of it was just a little too much, and you found yourself snapping at whoever was behind you.

“Uh, yeah, I think I do.” It came out more spiteful than you meant it to sound. But then, that was just how you were these days...bitter and cold. All the more reason to end everything.

“Please, just come back over here to the other side of the railing. We can talk if you want, or I can just sit with you, or we can listen to music together if that would help?” The stranger’s voice was gentle and pleading, as if he was afraid to break you if he spoke too loud. 

“Just leave me alone! Why do you care anyway?” You stole a glance behind you to get a good look at the person trying to talk you down. The first thing you noticed was the green hair, and then the pair of concerned emerald eyes reflecting back at you. Under those were a set of freckles, giving him an overall boyish look, and finally- his costume. You recognized Japan’s Number One Hero, Deku.

“Because I don’t want to see you get hurt...or worse.” His tone was solemn. “I’m sorry, but I can’t just leave you alone up here. Clearly you had one purpose for coming up here, and I’m not going to let you go through with it.”

For a moment, you felt your heart soar at the possibility that someone cared after all. But just as hope was about to take root and bloom within your chest, it seemed that your mind had other ideas to cut the poor blossom out. As fast as the feeling settled, it was gone, and you reminded yourself that this was his job; he was required to help anyone who he thought might be in trouble. It wasn’t like he really wanted to be up here talking to you.

“What the hell do you know about why I’m up here? And anyways...it’s your job to save people. You don’t have to pretend to care about me. It doesn’t matter if you’re the number one hero or not, you’re still going to forget about me some day or another. A week from now you won’t even think twice about me. I’m forgettable. I don’t matter...not really. So please just leave me be. You’re bothering me.” No matter how hard you tried to keep the anger in your voice, you couldn’t help how it faded with each passing second. It was tiring to keep feeling everything and nothing all at once. You wanted it all to just stop.

There was long moment of silence that passed between the two of you, which you took as a sign that you had been right about everything you had just said. Your anxieties and nerves were starting to get to you by then; you were about to really go through with it and had inched forward slightly when he decided to speak again. 

“Once, someone told me to take a swan dive off the roof of my old school.” Your breath hitched as you stopped in your tracks. “I know what it’s like not to be wanted or needed by everyone around you. To feel like a failure, like there’s no hope left... Like you’re not worth saving. But even if you really think and believe all those things you said about yourself, just know that I care. And it’s not because it’s my job to, or because I’m a Pro Hero, or because I just happened to be in the area and saw you up here after my shift ended. It’s because at one point in my life, I could relate to where you are now.”

You were left without words for once as you stood there, wind whipping through your hair and eyes focused on nothing in particular. After the initial shock wore off, you finally turned around to face him. You searched his eyes for any trace of deception, anything to prove that maybe he was lying or just trying to get to you, but all you could find was sincere honesty. And Deku, upon seeing you turn around from the edge of the building, seemed to tense for a second before continuing.

“I climbed up to the top of the school roof that day and when I got up there, I just...stared down. All I could think about at the time was making the pain and the numbness go away. But then I thought of my mom’s face when she would hear the news...and I thought of how I would only be a statistic after that- a number, you know, like the ones I recorded every day in my notebook. But I didn’t want that. I had a name that I loved, a mother waiting for me at home, and a dream I was still holding on to. I realized what I really wanted was to prove everyone wrong, to still become the hero I wanted to be as a little boy. And even more than that, I just wanted the pain to stop. I think that’s what people truly want- just to feel better.” He gave you a small smile and offered a hand to you after that, and you swore his eyes were glistening a little if you looked close enough. “I would care if you were gone. I would think about it every day. I don’t even know your name, but your face is already engraved in my mind. I would have made the biggest mistake of my life had I ended things that day; look at where I am now! If I let someone else take away all their future opportunities and potential life experiences knowing that I could have stopped them, knowing that I didn’t offer them the support I desperately wanted when I was going through it, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

“...you mean that?” You couldn’t help the tremble in your voice.

“Every word. Please, just come back over to this side and talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours. I promise I’ll do my best to help however I can.”

Something pulled at your heartstrings as you listened to him. He had put into words everything you had been feeling these past few months, everything you wanted to express but just couldn’t. Tentatively, you reached out a hand to meet his, and he wasted no time as he wrapped his other arm around your waist and hoisted you back over the railing towards safety and into his arms.

“Oh thank god,” he breathed out. His arm was still wound tight around your waist as he pulled you flush to him and walked you backwards. When the two of you reached the wall of the entryway to the rooftop, he stopped and slid down to the floor with you, a heavy sigh of relief escaping his lips. “Please don’t ever scare me like that again.” You blinked back tears as you leaned into Deku’s tight hug, your arms coming up to wrap around him as well. You couldn’t remember the last time someone had been so loving and caring with you or the last time you had been hugged like this. 

“It’s okay, I’ve got you. I’m here.”

That was all it took for the dam inside of you to burst.

Hot tears finally spilled over and soaked Deku’s costume as all the emotions you had been suppressing came back full force. You hid your face in his shirt to try and stifle your cries as much as you could, but it was no use. There was no hiding the turmoil in your soul; all you could do was endure the sadness and frustration while he held you and comforted you. Slowly the reality of the situation started to sink in, and the realization that you almost took your own life hit you full force.

“I...I almost-!” You didn’t have the strength to finish your sentence as you sobbed harder and shook in the hero’s arms. He eventually shifted the two of you around to a more comfortable position and rubbed circles on your shoulder soothingly while you cried, a look of understanding and empathy in his eyes.

“But you didn’t. And you know what that tells me? That despite all those lies you’re telling yourself, there’s still a part of you left that wants to live. There’s still a part of you, no matter how small, that’s holding on to hope that things will get better. Find that feeling deep down inside you, grasp it, and never let go of it. You deserve to exist here. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to wake up each day and live and enjoy life. And I know you probably don’t feel that way right now, but believe me when I say that it’s the truth.” A comfortable silence settled between the two of you as you took a moment to contemplate his words.

“You said we could talk if I wanted to...” you sniffled.

“Sure, we can talk. It doesn’t even have to be about anything in particular. Whatever you want to talk about, I’ll listen.”

So you told him everything. You poured your heart out to someone who was no more than a stranger to you, even if you recognized his face because it was plastered on every poster and broadcasted on every T.V. Even if you knew who Deku was, the person behind the mask was someone else entirely, and it brought a sense of comfort to you to know that a real person was listening to your troubles and caring about them. For once, someone was taking the time to make you a priority, and that was not something you were used to.

“I’m sorry, you’re probably tired of listening to me by now. I can’t believe I dumped all of that on y-” you tried to apologize, but he shook his head and cut you off before you could finish.

“Don’t be. I offered, didn’t I? I genuinely want to hear about what’s troubling you. Everyone deserves to be listened to, especially when they’re hurting. You’re important, and what you have to say is also important. Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.”

You blinked up at him with wide eyes. How was he so good at this? A thought crossed your mind then, and you wondered for a brief moment if...had anyone ever listened to him? He had taken the time to calm you down and make you feel important by listening wholeheartedly to everything you had to say. The least you could do was return the favor, right?

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a really good listener?” you asked, a small but sincere smile on your face.

“Yes, actually. Plenty of times, but I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing it. It just means I’m succeeding at making others feel important, which is what I aim to do, so thank you for that.” He stared up at the night sky, his eyes reflecting the sparkling stars above. They were...so full of life. You found that fact inspiring.

There was a small pause before you asked him another question, hesitance evident in your voice. “Have you...told anyone? About what you said to me earlier, I mean.” It came out more awkward than you intended it to, and he seemed confused about what you were trying to ask.

“About what I said to you earlier?”

“Y-You know, the...rooftop...” you trailed off, not wanting to pry if he didn’t want to talk about it after all. “I’m so sorry, I just assumed since you mentioned it earlier that maybe you wanted to talk about it or something- Ah, I’m making things worse, I’m really sorry!” You ran your hands through your hair, anxiety getting the better of you and making your heart race. Deku shifted slightly beside you but kept his arm around your shoulders, a look of understanding coming over him.

“Oh, that?” He gave a small airy laugh. “While I appreciate the concern, I have a really great therapist. It’s kind of a requirement for Pros; we deal with a lot on the job.”

“...oh.” Oh. Oh. You weren’t sure what you were expecting, but certainly not...that. “Again, I’m sorry if I pried,” you apologized one last time. At the sound of your third ‘I’m sorry’, Deku looked over at you thoughtfully.

“You know, I used to apologize a lot too. Actually, my therapist was the one who got me to kick the bad habit. Speaking of which...” He reached into one of the red pouches on his costume belt and produced a single card between his index and middle finger, the lamination of it emitting a dim glare as he held it out to you. “I think you could really benefit from therapy. I’m not saying that to be rude or anything-!” His face flushed as he tried to explain himself; he didn’t want you to feel like he was dismissing you or that he wasn’t concerned with your issues. “I swear! I just...really think you could use another person in your corner right now. They’re super nice, I promise! I’ll even help you set up an appointment if you want.”

You shrunk a little at the idea of seeing a therapist, but took the card anyway. The writing on the little piece of plastic stared back at you menacingly, an uncomfortable feeling settling in your gut.

Dr. T/N T/L/N Deku Agency Specialist in Psychology Phone: 800-888-8880 Email (Mon-Fri): T/nT/l/n@deku.agencies.com Office Hours: Mon-Sat, 9am-5pm

As if he could read your turbulent mind, Deku pulled you closer and rested his head against yours. “I know talking to someone else about your problems seems scary at first, but it really helps. If you keep everything bottled up, then those feelings and problems don’t have anywhere to go, and they’ll eat you up on the inside. Therapy gives you a safe way of letting those feelings out and sorting through problems in healthy ways. Of course it’s ultimately your choice, and everybody’s experience differs...but it did help me.”

You considered everything he said, including his offer to help schedule an appointment. If nothing else, you could really use another friend... You pocketed the card and decided to worry about it later; exhaustion was starting to settle in by now, and the air only seemed to get colder by the minute. It had to be past midnight by now.

“Thank you for everything you’ve done. It means a lot to me, truly. I’ll...think about the therapist.” 

“I’m glad to hear that. But in the mean time, can I see your phone?” The question caught you off guard and forced you back to the reality of where you were, and what you’d planned to do earlier.

“Uh, well...” you started, “I left it in my apartment. I didn’t think I’d need it up here since... Anyway, I don’t have it on me.” You stared off to the side, not wanting to talk about the subject any longer.

“Do you live around here?”

“Yeah, actually, I live in this apartment building.”

“Oh! Then, I’ll walk with you back to your apartment, since it’s getting kind of cold now. But first...” He whipped out his own phone, opening the contacts app and clicking on the ‘Create New Contact’ option. “What’s your phone number?”

“My phone number?” You stared at him, dumbfounded.

“Yeah, so I can text you and call you. I’d like to be friends, if that’s okay?” He gave you a shy smile with a faint blush, and it was hard not to burst into tears again.

A friend. You had made a new friend. One that cared about you, that wanted to make sure you were okay, that would put in time and effort to talk to you and see you. You could hardly believe it.

“Really?”

“Of course! Sooo, can I have it, then? Oh, and I guess I’ll need your name at some point too, huh?” he teased, a playful glint in his eyes.

“It’s Y/N,” you stated happily.

You immediately gave your number to him, and then the two of you stood to go back inside. He helped you up and held the door open for you, and from there you took the stairs back to your apartment. You made small talk on the way back, and things finally started to feel normal to you for once. But as soon as you turned down the hall that led to your apartment door, you started to feel it; that familiar sinking feeling was creeping in, apathy and the sense of nothingness overwhelming you again. The night was finally coming to an end. You would go back to your apartment, and things would go back to normal, and Deku would probably forget that you even existed. He said he would text, but would he really? He was so busy with hero work, and you half expected things to go back to the way they would be. What if nothing changed? What if you went back to feeling numb? What if everything that happened tonight didn’t really matter? What would you do?

“Whoah, Y/N, slow down. Everything’s gonna be alright.”

Huh? Shit! Had you said all that out loud?

You panicked as you stared at your door. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t-”

“Hey, look at me.” He cupped your face between his hands, tilting your head up to meet his concerned gaze. “Everything will be okay. But these kinds of problems don’t just disappear over night, they need time, and sometimes some outside help from others. I promise to keep in touch with you. I want to make sure you’re okay, and I’d like to get to know you better too. Maybe I can introduce you to my friends? They’re really great people, and they would make you feel right at home. But for now, let’s just focus on one thing, okay? Let’s get you settled back into your apartment for the night.” He ruffled the top of your head softly, and while others might have taken the gesture as offensive or belittling, you were just glad to have felt his warm touch.

“Okay,” you agreed quietly, and you twisted the handle to the door, which you remembered you had left unlocked.

The small apartment greeted you with familiar darkness, that is, until Deku flipped your light switch and the few lamps you had lit up the living room. He let himself in and shut the door behind the two of you, earning a surprised look from you and giving you an apologetic look of his own. “I don’t mean to intrude...I just...” He looked like he was choking over his own words. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to let you be alone right now...but if you want me to leave, then-”

“I don’t want to be alone either,” you were quick to cut him off. You had wanted to invite him to stay, but you also didn’t want to overstep any boundaries. However, it seemed like he beat you to the punch. “I don’t mind you staying. Besides, it’s late, and you look tired. The couch pulls out into a bed; let me get you some extra blankets.” 

You tried your best to be hospitable, even with him insisting that you didn’t need to and that he could just crash in the comfy clothes he wore under his costume. You didn’t have any extra clothes for him, but at least you could give him a pillow and a blanket. As you went to fetch those, you also grabbed your phone from your desk and dropped it next to him on the makeshift bed. He took the liberty of entering his phone number and his real name into your contacts before passing it back.

“No way, you like All Might too?” he asked as you handed him the themed blanket. “This is the same exact blanket I have at home!” A wide grin came over him as he cuddled into it.

His enthusiasm made you laugh a little as you tossed him the pillow. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.” You started to walk away to your bedroom, and as you were about to turn the lights out, he stopped you.

“Hey, Y/N.”

“Did you need something?”

He peeked his head over the edge of the couch. “I just realized I never gave you my name. You can call me Izuku, if you want. Since, we’re friends now, and all.”

“Izuku,” you echoed, “I’m really glad I met you.” And you meant it.

“Yeah, me too.” A moment of silence. “That I met you, I mean! I’m glad I met you too!”

You smiled and turned the lights out. “I’m gonna head to bed.” You hesitated a bit to ask him the question burning at the back of your mind, but your anxiety forced you to ask anyway, the fear of not knowing eating at you. “Will you still be here tomorrow morning?”

He answered you right away and gave you a reassuring look. “I’m off work tomorrow, and I don’t have any plans, so I won’t be going anywhere unless you want me to.”

“Okay. Goodnight, Izuku.” 

“Sweet dreams, Y/N.”

You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding for so long, and with that, you made your way to your bedroom and changed into your favorite pajamas. The card that Izuku had given you earlier dropped to the floor while you were changing, and you picked it up carefully before reading it over again. Maybe...it was worth a shot. You had a lot you were dealing with, and the idea that you could talk to someone about it without being judged or made fun of almost sounded too good to be true. Sure, you had Izuku now, but you knew realistically he wasn’t going to be around all the time. You were tired of feeling like you were always alone, tired of feeling everything and nothing all at once, tired in general. It was all so exhausting. And he had said the therapist was nice...

You crawled into bed with your phone and pulled the covers over yourself. The home screen lit up the room as you opened your contacts and scrolled, looking for one name in particular. You tapped on his name and the familiar conversation screen appeared, the little vertical line blinking at you repeatedly as you worked up the courage to type out your message. Finally, your fingers flew across the keys, and you hit send before you could think twice about it.

Y/N: I think I want to schedule an appointment with the therapist. Can you help? 1:34am

It didn’t take long for you to get a response.

Izuku: Of course. I can contact them tomorrow, if you’d like? 1:34am

Y/N: I’d like that a lot. Thank you, Izuku. 1:35am

Izuku: Are you alright? If you need anything, come get me. I won’t mind. 1:35am

Y/N: I really appreciate that. I’m doing a little better. I’ll let you know if I need something. 1:35am

Izuku: Promise? 1:35am

Y/N: I promise. 1:36am

[extratragic]

duchess

pairing: JJ Maybank x Reader

warning: hints at sex, swearing, Kelce being a protective brother.

word count: 2266

request: Could you do a jj x kelces! Sister 👉🏽👈🏽🤧✌🏽❤️

author: I’m not gonna lie to y’all. I kinda love kelce just bc he’s barely there (yes I am ignoring the fights at this moment) and bc I love Deion

summary: It wasn’t easy becoming friends with the Pogues considering Kelce is your older brother, but you managed to do that and wiggle your way into one boy's heart.

Your brother wasn’t really a bad guy. Sure, he was a douche bag with his friends, but he was always different with you. It was a good thing, too, because everyone knew how bad Rafe and Sarah’s relationship was, but you had a great brother. He cared about you, protected you, took care of you when your parents didn’t bother. 

Kelce had a good heart but he didn’t have good friends.

He did hate Pogues, though. John B and JJ were the two people that could get under his skin with one word. It kind of sucked when all you wanted to do was be friends with them and they hated you because of your brother. 

You got along with Kie and Pope. When Kie and Sarah became enemies, you were stuck in the middle of them. You told them both that you weren’t going to pick sides, so they dealt with that and you hung out with them separately. 

That’s how you officially met the other three boys. 

It was refreshing to be around people that didn’t care about how your hair looked or what outfit you had on. Pope warmed up to you quickly when he saw how you acted around Kie. He thought you were sweet and he was happy to let you hang out with the group. John B was iffy about you. He didn’t trust Kelce or any Kooks, really, so he kept you at arm's length and only spoke to you when Kie was around. 

JJ was an entirely different story. The only Kook he would ever trust was Kiara Carrera, not you. You were associated with the Kook royalty, and that was the worst of them all. You, Kie, and Pope all reminded him that Kie was once best friends with Sarah, but he ignored that fact. Kie wasn’t related to one of them by blood. You were. 

It took months for JJ to warm up to you. You went to different schools, so you met with the four Pogues almost every day after you did your homework. JJ hated it for the first two months, and then he acted like he hated it for the three months after that. He didn’t know what changed after that second month, but he started to enjoy having you around. 

Maybe it was the day that John B let you drive the HMS Pogue and you looked like a kid in a candy store. 

Or it could’ve been the time that you were going over Pope’s scholarship essay and he noticed how you bit the tip of your tongue when you were really concentrating.

It could’ve been the day that you and Kie had a fashion show of the clothes from your most recent shopping spree and how the majority of the things you bought were things Pogues would wear and Kooks wouldn’t be caught dead in. Or the way that your yellow sundress fell perfectly over your figure. 

Either way, JJ didn’t like that he had a crush on a girl that was siblings with a guy that enjoyed beating on him. 

But damn did he want to admit it to you the day that you showed up to a kegger in ripped shorts and a little bikini top. The feelings washed away when he saw Kelce, Rafe, and Topper behind you. 

Kelce wrapped his arm around your shoulders and you found comfort in his hold. You wouldn’t admit it to him, but being around Rafe at a party always made you uncomfortable. He only had one drink so far, but he was starting to get touchy. 

“I’m gonna go find my friends,” you told Kelce. 

“The Pogue ones?” Topper asked in disgust. 

“Yeah, Top. It’s not like it’s any of your business, though,” you snapped. 

Kelce nodded and pushed you away before you started an argument with the blonde. You found JJ and John B at the keg and smiled widely, standing in front of them. 

“Four cups, Pogues,” you told them.

“Wow, the duchess getting drinks for other people?” John B mocked. 

“Wouldn’t you rather I get the drinks for the ass holes than you seeing them?” you asked, cocking one eyebrow. 

John B laughed and nodded, filling the plastic cups.

“I’ll help you,” JJ offered. 

“Not a good idea, J. I’ll be right back, don’t worry,” you said, winking at him. 

He rolled his eyes and you managed to grab all four cups, heading towards the three boys you left behind. You handed three of the cups to Kelce and grabbed his wrist before he walked away. 

“Tell the ass holes that there will not be a fight tonight. There is no reason for a fight, and I will personally beat their asses if they make one,” you told him.

“Yeah, yeah. Tell them to do the same, then,” he grumbled. 

“I will. I love you, Kelce,” you said. 

“Love you too,” he said quietly. 

You grinned and shook your head, walking away from your brother again and towards the only Pogues willing to befriend you. They weren’t at the keg anymore, though. The two boys were now with Kie and Pope by one of the small bonfires. 

“Hello, my favorite people,” you said, putting your elbows on JJ and John B’s shoulders. 

It was actually pretty hard to do considering they’re taller, but you somehow managed. 

“Hello, my favorite Kook,” Pope responded. 

“So, I made Kelce promise to make sure the hotheads don’t start any fights. Sarah should be here to keep Topper on a leash soon. But I promised to tell you two to not start any fights. And before you argue with me, I said start, not finish. But if you do finish a fight, please don’t drown anyone,” you suggested.

Kie scrunched her nose at the mention of Sarah, but she laughed at your last sentence. 

“What are you gonna do if we start one, duchess?” JJ asked. 

You moved your elbows off of the two boys' shoulders and crossed your arms over your chest. You didn’t miss the way JJ’s eyes flickered down to your cleavage. 

“Throw you in my dungeon,” you replied smoothly. 

He raised his eyebrows at you and you smiled slyly, winking at him. 

At some point, your relationship with JJ went from avoidance and rude comments to a lot of sexual attraction on your side. You had been flirting with JJ for at least a month now, and each of the Pogues could feel the tension between you two. JJ was a natural flirt, so the two of you went back and forth until someone else forced themselves into the conversation before the two of you jumped on each other on the boat. 

None of them were gonna jump in tonight. 

“Is it a nice dungeon?” JJ asked.

“I think it’s a pretty great dungeon. You’d enjoy it,” you told him.

“How long do I have to stay?” He continued. 

“As long as you want to,” you grinned. 

He smirked and shook his head, taking a drink from his cup. You held your eye contact with him until a redhead walked up to the group and pressed her chest against JJ’s arm. 

You rolled your eyes and turned towards Kie, seeing her smirking at you. 

“What?” You asked. 

She shrugged and you sighed, chugging the gross beer in your cup. You were gonna need alcohol to get through all of the girls throwing themselves at JJ. It was sad to watch, honestly. You didn’t have a problem with girls wanting to have sex, but some of them just looked so desperate that it hurt to watch. 

There was one party where you and Kie counted twenty girls that asked JJ for sex, and fourteen of those girls were almost begging him. You applauded the girls that were subtle and kept the blonde on his toes. 

“Come on, let’s get another,” Kie said, nodding her head in the direction of the keg. 

You nodded and followed her lead, happily letting her fill your cup up again. 

“So when are you and JJ gonna fuck?” She asked. 

“Kie, what the fuck?” You asked. 

“What? I’m asking a simple question,” she shrugged.

You rolled your eyes and looked at JJ, seeing the redhead gone now. A satisfied smile fell onto your lips and you looked at Kie again. 

“Dunno. He might just get lucky tonight if he answers this question correctly,” you smirked. 

She followed you over to the blonde and stood between Pope and John B as you wrapped your hand around JJ’s bicep. He looked down at you and you smiled sweetly. 

“Getting your dick wet tonight?” You asked bluntly. 

Pope and John B choked on their drinks and Kie laughed loudly. JJ chuckled and shook his head, taking a sip of his beer. 

“Only if you’re the one in bed with me,” he replied smoothly. 

“Excuse me?”

Your eyes closed and you sighed at the sound of your brother's voice. When you opened your eyes and turned around. Kelce was standing behind the two of you, fuming. 

“What the fuck did he just say?” He spat.

“It was a joke, Kelce. Not something to get mad about,” you sighed.

Your brother took a step closer to JJ and you quickly stood between them. 

“Don’t start. He didn’t do anything wrong. I brought it up. I started it. You don’t get to be a dick for no reason,” you snapped. 

“Are you fucking kidding me, y/n? He just said he’s gonna sleep with you!” He exclaimed. 

“Actually, I said I would sleep with her, you know, if she wants,” JJ said, seemingly taunting Kelce.

You were quick to turn your head and glare at him. It’s like he was asking for a fight. 

“John B, will you take him somewhere else, please?” You asked. 

John B nodded and grabbed JJ’s shoulders, making him walk away from you and your brother. Once you were sure that JJ was gone, you turned your head so you were looking at Kelce again. 

“Dude, I’m fine. JJ makes those jokes all the time. He’d never do anything to me without my consent. He’s a good guy with a really bad mouth and temper, like you,” you said, trying to calm Kelce down.

“I don’t like him,” he stated simply.

“I know, but I do. You could grow to like him,” you shrugged.

He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck and looking around at the group of people. You knew that he was trying to calm himself while around you. Whenever he was angry or frustrated, he had to do something with his hands and he wouldn’t look at you if you were part of the reason why he was frustrated. 

“I was coming to tell you that we’re leaving,” he told you after a few more moments. 

“Are you okay with me staying? I haven’t drunk that much and if I do, they’ll take care of me,” you asked. 

“I guess. Just please don’t sleep with JJ,” he groaned.

You laughed lightly and nodded, wrapping your arms around Kelce’s neck. 

“I’ll be sure to try, big brother. Go have fun and don’t worry about me. I’ll be home tomorrow,” you told him.

He hummed and wrapped his arms around your waist, squeezing you just a bit. 

“Be safe. Call me if you need me,” he said as he let go. 

“Okay, dad,” you teased. 

He started walking backward, pointing his finger at you. 

“Seriously. And put a shirt on,” he told you. 

You mock saluted him and he smiled before turning around and walking over to Rafe, Topper, and Sarah. You waved at Sarah and she blew you a kiss before leaving with the boys. 

John B took JJ to one of the bonfires around the beach and you groaned when you saw a girl draped over JJ. Pope was the first to see you making your way over to them and laughed at your reaction. He said something to JJ and the blonde turned around, smiling at you.

You raised your eyebrows and put your hand on your shoulder, acting like you were picking something up and moving it away from your body to drop it. 

His smile widened and he turned to the Touron, telling her something. She quickly stood up and walked off without an argument and you sighed happily, sitting beside JJ when you reached the group.

“What’d you tell her to make her leave so quickly?” You asked.

“That I have herpes,” he shrugged. 

You laughed lightly and laid your head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around your waist, resting his hand on the side of your ass, his fingertips tapping the skin below the hem of your shorts.

“So, am I getting my dick wet tonight?” He whispered, grinning against your ear. 

You turned to face him, lips brushing his. 

“If you’re lucky,” you said quietly.

He pressed his lips against yours and you tangled your fingers in his hair, gripping his arm with your free hand. JJ’s other hand grabbed your chin, keeping your lips pressed to his as he deepened the kiss. 

Heat shot through your body and you moaned quietly, making JJ grin smugly. 

“Yeah, okay, you’re lucky,” you grinned. 

He laughed lightly and kissed you softly. 

“I knew you liked me,” he teased. 

“Maybe you’re not so lucky,” you said, pushing him away. 

JJ laughed and pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly. You happily snuggled into his arms while your friends gagged and made fun of you two. 

[gyujeongfmd]

restructuring task 1 / changes *+10 ecp

1. assuming your muse has changed in some way, be it internally or as a result of a change of the external factors around them, how is your muse different? these can be as small as an opinion on a song they hadn’t released previously or as big as a major change in their background. (wc / 297)

if the spectrum lies in minjung not changing at all, and taejin doing a 180. then, gyu’s right in the middle. there are a few changes — one being that now he dances, and he’s no longer a main rapper. but the dancing portion isn’t something he trained on or necessarily has a passion about, but instead something that comes instinctively to him? he’s the opposite of a 몸치 aka he is the opposite of not having any sense of rhythm. that kind of stuff comes natural to him, and even when he was underground inside his hyung’s apartment — his dancing was above average for someone who’s never had a dancing skill. however, that becomes polished once he enters gold star.

another change is that he’s at gold star now — it came about when he tried to audition for show me the money as a young child, but instead got recruited (all thanks to his looks. but turns out he’s more than a pretty face). this meant he trained under gold star and they promised him a bunch of things? he believed it because he was still naive, and under the thought that he’d find some freedom by debuting as an idol (he had no idea what idols did prior to this, or a bad general understanding).

i’d say his general change is his attitude towards his group? knight was more focused on him not liking his group at all, but with platinum he feels in a way sorry though he doesn’t outwardly show it. there’s some sense of brotherly bond but not enough to tether him, but also not far off that it brings him to completely leave. as a result, he’s in limbo about how he is — still grappling with that one day at a time.

2. what does your muse think of their company and their group? (wc / 259)

compared to bc, gyujeong likes gold star. at least, enough that he doesn’t outwardly want to start a smear campaign about bang sunyoung like he did with kim byungchul. that being said, he doesn’t really like the company either — the noonas that recruited him promised everything and for a while, when he was a trainee he did get good treatment compared to the half basements he was living in with his hyungs. however, he debuted and he realized that this was all bullshit — everything they promised was gone and done especially when the songs he releases are complete shit and they rarely let him take a hand on it. (well, that’s because of his punishment).he realizes now that there’s no freedom in debuting, and a bit too late. it’s hardened him to the point where he blames gold star for his big downfall of being this new persona he wasn’t when he was a child.

as for his group? he doesn’t hate his group nor does he love his group either. the music they release, he thinks is corny for the most part — especially the ballady nature. however, he feels somewhat sorry for dragging them down in a way? he feels the shit they get is mainly because of him, and he feels some loyalty to his group especially because they’ve picked up on where he’s fucked up in the past. he’s still not letting them be all blood brothers, hugging and saying ilysm! lylas! but he’s learn to grow with them, and just take it as is.

3. is your muse on their first contract or their second? if they’ve renewed, what were their feelings around that at the time and what were their hopes for their second contract? if they haven’t renewed, what are their current thoughts on the end of their eventual first contract? (wc: 303)

gyujeong renewed his contract with gold star in 2018. honestly, he knows why he did it. but he regrets it to a degree — half of it, i’d like to say is the gold star pressure. they pressured him, basically giving him the lines of ‘what are you gonna do now? you have no career outside of platinum.’ which was true considering he had 0 solo opportunities back then. he was 26 at the time, so he was aged so even if he wanted to make his debut as a rapper, it’d be hard since he was getting so much shit for selling out to be an idol to begin with. plus, public hate surrounding him at that point was a high, and gold star basically made it like they were the only option to save him — his 26 year old ass was scared on the inside, as much as he hates to admit. as a result, he signed on for another year thinking he didn’t want to retire because what skills did he have to offer? he didn’t graduate high school, he didn’t go to college. he makes music, but if gold star decided to black list him then he’d be fucked with a 0 person fan base.

another reason he chose to sign on was because of his group. this is unknown but deep down he felt sorry for the shit he caused within his group — and seeing as how his group all signed on, he felt some sense of responsibility to carry on, especially because they’re a four person team. one person lost is 25%, and that’s a lot when you have more groups in the horizon waiting to take over whatever niche platinum is in. 

so, all in all, he signed on bc he had no choice / kinda felt guilty.

4. what are your muse’s goals and motivations? (wc / 324)

gyujeong doesn’t have many goals at all — at this point, he’s given up having any goals within gold star because he feels he’s been fucked over by them one too many times. he got a solo? which was great, and oddly well received by the public — but he also thinks those were pity listens, and not worth much. doubts it transfers over if he came back (he kinda cares). but realistically, his goals might be to release another album in the future? 

right now, his attention’s on fashion though. he’d like to get more global recognition for his line, far from the asia target market. he’d want to be known with the greats (that’s just wishful thinking lmao). but it’d be nice to house a fashion week set, or go at least. he’d want to carry on his relations with chanel because he truly loves the brand and everything it stands for.

motivations? he has none. he doesn’t know what love is, has basically no friends and a cat. he’s living life day by day and seeing what becomes of it — ideally, what he’d want to really have as a goal is to find happiness. corny, i know. but the happiness he once had as a child (void of any parental figures).

i’d suppose his goal right now is to stop writing music based on what his company wants. they know the tracks he touches usually are generally better received than the public, and because his ‘ban’ aka punishment for getting into scandals is over (ala a solo debut), gold star seems to want to make him use his creativity for platinum’s tracks. however, he doesn’t want to be a pack mule and wants to start creating music for the sake of him — basically, he’s exhausted from his solo debut doesn’t know if he wants to make a comeback at all or wait another ten years or just retire completely.

5. what is one conflict, internal or external, that your muse is currently dealing with, has recently dealt with, or will need to deal with in the future? (wc / 329)

he’s at a low — he has no real friends, minus hidden figures here and there. he has no music left on the table that gold star seems to want (they always tell him last minute and pick the songs he doesn’t want to release). he basically got told off by someone he loved to get over it — he has nothing left. he’s a dramatic little bitch, but what can i do? 

he’s dealing with how to handle these things one by one. 

career wise — he’s doing a lot in fashion? and that becomes a piece of confusion when he neglects music for fashion and gold star wants something released, and they can’t because gyu hasn’t touched logic or ableton in near months prepping for the next line of his work. he does it when inspiration hits and works at his own pace. then again, he can’t? because he has the guilt of having to carry the burdens of his past he doesn’t let show. it’s a recipe for disaster when it all brews internally and he doesn’t let it out and instead runs to different avenues for escape. 

he doesn’t know what he wants. he just wants to live life like kanye, but knows that he can’t because he’s not kanye.

he’s also dealing with the conflict of being pigeon holed into one genre. his earlier works focused more on being true to himself, and his core — into the new world, empty. etc. the more sentimental ballad-esque pop songs were when he was more carefree / optimistic about the world. however now, he’s been more hardened? and the scandals have left him more contained as to what gold star would let him do — aka, keep up the bad boy image the public seems to know him for. as a result, he’s not able to venture out or get back in touch in fear of what others may think / his underground buddies may think

6. if your muse has established career claims, what are their thoughts on their career so far? if they do not, how do they feel about not having individual activities yet? what would they like to do in the future, if anything? if they don’t have ambitions for individual activities, explain why. (wc / 384)

gyu’s established career claims fall under three categories — variety, modeling / fashion, and music. musically is the easiest as he’s released his solo album after ten years, lmao. i like that he hasn’t touched music in ten years just because gold star hasn’t let him release it — they finally let him off the leash after so much despite letting him work behind the scenes. behind the scenes, they let him work on a lot of things. his overall mood / 감성  when it comes to music is just that it’s soft and sensitive — hence why his first piece is into the new world. you’d never expect it to come from someone like him, but it’s really just the soft gentleness that’s part of his core hence why it’s one of the melodies closest to him as an individual. aside from that, he works on a lot of darker equinox tracks because that’s what his vibe is lately, and it’s that house clubby r&b funk that works with him, and gold star likes that enough to keep asking him for it. he’s worked more in-house than out-house, and not really looking to branch out into any territory. he just wants to make music for him : )

modeling / fashion wise — chanel picks him, and he picks chanel. a matchmade in heaven when he sports their bags and their tweed jackets like no other. it’s enough that chanel inspires him to create his own line otakgyu which he’s heavily involved with. that’s his focus for now, creating new pieces to appeal to his own fashion sense. he wants to create more pieces that are “edgier’ but also fall more into the androgyny of fashion. 

lastly, variety. he doesn’t even know how he ended up in this — yet, each time he appears on variety, more fans fall in love. i like to think of it like song mino and how stupid he comes across on variety which basically shatters his stage image of being more ‘hardcore’. aka, the public likes how goofy and silly gyujeong gets (unplanned and completely candid) on variety. it’s why he shows up and why gold star signs him up. gyujeong, on the otherhand, finds it more of a nuisance and an invasion of privacy as that’s one side he’d not want to reveal. 

[kyliexc]

BUENAAAASSSSSSSSSS ! soy yo , mini from da 6ix , again . coming at you with my original kid . she’s changed just a bit , but still pretty much a god damn  M E S S .  and bad bunny’s vete came on shuffle soOoOooOoooOOOOOOOOOOOOO LEGGO !

chicago’s very own Kylie Castillo has been spotted on madison avenue driving a BMW X5 , welcome ! your resemblance to Becky G is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty second birthday bash  . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re impulsive , but being loyal might help you . i think being a Aries explains that .  3 things that would paint  a  better picture of you would be a bottle of patron, late night partying and 20grams of weed . 

hit the mfng like button for plots bc I WILL mssge u or else

BASICS ! 

Full Name: kylie valentina castillo

Nickname(s): ky, kyky, k, kybby

Age: 22

Height: 5 ft

Date of Birth: April 15th 1997

Zodiac sign: aries

Hogwarts house: slythindor (slytherin + gryffindor)

Ethnicity: mexican

Nationality: american

Gender: cis female

Pronouns: she/her

Orientation: bisexual

Religion: agnostic-catholic

Tattoos: a peach on her ass, #2 tramp stamp and canon becky g tattoos

Language(s) Spoken: english + spanish

Accent: american with a hint of spanish

BACK STORY ! 

kylie castillo is the third born child from alejandro and lupe castillo ! alejandro was a renowned soccer player from jalisco, mexico . he played for the mexican national team AND for Barcelona FC . lupe castillo is also from jalisco , mexico , but she attended school in spain where she began as a seamstress for a small vintage boutique before going off on her own to start her own exclusive brand that made it big - as in , only those who could really afford the clothing could wear it . lupe is owner to ROSARIO . lupe and alejandro met in spain , but ultimately moved to chicago to settle down with their kids since kylie’s paternal grandparents lived there.

Kylie was born in Chicago , Illinois , but throughout her childhood , she bounced between Chicago, Los Angeles , and Barcelona ! 

kylie took after her dad , immediately falling in love with soccer since she was little . it wasn’t like the castillos pushed her into it , she found the sport herself . kylie , along with her siblings were a sports family in general . most of her siblings got into some sport growing up , whether they took it seriously or not was up to them , but kylie definitely did. 

kylie and her dad are really close for the fact that he basically coached her throughout her entire athletic career . kylie is very competitive because of this , and super into keeping herself fit . she sees a goal , she wants it , and she’ll do anything to get it . her jersey is #3 !

besides soccer , she really loves to sing and it came out of nowhere but it was due to all the family parties she has . often an acoustic guitar would be brought out and everyone , including kylie would be singing along to vincente fernandez - heck , you know the castillos hired a mariachi band to be part of these gatherings . 

ky spent a lot of time with her grandparents who would ALWAYS be blasting old mariachi / love songs , singing at the top of their lungs to each other , and from this kylie enjoyed what music did for her . performing was just another thing that came easy to her . the stage , whether it be an actual stage or just a small little space where she was surrounded by family , it was home to her , and she was never afraid . the one place where she could vocally express herself is through her lyrics . ky and her cousins often would write down song lyrics , pretend to perform for thousands of people - but it wasn’t something she ever thought she’d do . it was just for fun , and she took up extra curriculars besides soccer that related to it . i . e dance , acting , etc. 

yet , that was something else , her eyes were on the prize , and that was soccer . sort of . 

kylie had everything set for her to continue playing soccer after high school , to eventually make it onto the US Women’s Soccer team - yet she deadass started to slowly give it all up at the beginning of her 4th year of high school , hanging with the stoner kids , practicing less , putting less effort. she eventually found the underground rap scene -  she loved soccer , but it was time for something else , especially when her dad was mad at her , the field didn’t feel like home like the stage did .

on soundcloud , and youtube , kylie lent her vocals to some guys she met , being on their tracks . her sound was unique because she sang and rapped in both spanish and english . she was earning a name online , her followers going up and tbh , she wasn’t trying but it came to her and when she saw the numbers rise , and her name get out there a bit . she rlly started working on that part of her life . 

A MESS ?! * TW : abortion , drugs , etc .

in high school , she met giovanni ho ho hoe narciso . they were friends for a long time until finally , they started dating . definitely one of the reasons, but not the main reason why she also didn’t care about the sport as much - but kylie’s dad blamed gio a lot fo kylie not playing soccer . so her dad didn’t like gio , and to make matters worse , he didn’t like gio’s dad . so it was a HOT MESS . kylie ultimately had to choose between her family and gio , and when she said yes to marrying gio , she chose gio .  

18 years old and she ran off to marry gio - except that didn’t happen . 

she woke up one morning , he was gone and she couldn’t get a hold of him anymore . ky really didn’t have a choice besides going back to her family , and BET her dad was all ‘i told you so’ 

she couldn’t contact gio but YOU BET she ended up finding him eventually to get in the lasdt mfng word but that conversation ended up with her just being hurt , and it was the last time she really saw gio . he moved on , whether she believed it or not , he did .

so fast forward not long after that meeting . kylie found out she’s pregnant . obviously , it was gio’s . and she had two choices , keep it or get rid of it . 

without telling anyone , except her best friend , kylie got an abortion . which , no one knows , not even her family , not even gio .

SECRET ! 

        ***again , not many people know this ? but the                  one above is a secret too ?? she’s just full of          secrets. JKFDHDFKG

from 20 - 21 , kylie moved out , hopping from place to place within chicago . but she definitely went off grid . not caring for social media , not contacting her parents . 

kylie went into a strip club and at first it was for jokes , but when she got on the pole - she was actually good ?? JDKHGDKFJHDFKJH so the manager offered her a job and well , bitch took it . so she did that for a year , hanging with the wrong crowd, drinking every day , smoking weed which is a staple for her , but she started to do blow - which is .. not a staple for her . it was a dangerous year for kylie .

but doing blow , and selling it for awhile while working the pole gave her the connections she needed to meet rich guys with status in the music industry. 

so eventually , her EP made it in the hands of a producer for sony music latin . 

so she left the pole and started being featured with big time Latin names 

think cardi b’s start up and yeah , she definitely drugged men and stole from them while doing this too DKJGFHDKFJ

PERSONALITY + CURRENT SITUATION !

kylie’s back bitches ! as in people already knew her but she’s been M.I.A for a year , so she’s back and ppl are like wtf KDJGHDKFJGHSFKDJ and she lives in New York now

currently she’s working on her first album release.

besides the mess , she’s a GOD DAMN GOOD TIME. if you ever need to get drunk and party. kylie is your girl . if you need to get fucked up, you better have her on speed dial.

kylie’s the bitch with the bottle of patron , serving tequila shots , and then dancing on top of tables.

highkey always ready for a fight . she doesn’t care where she is , she will always SWING. don’t play games thinking she’s gonna back down from a fight bc she won’t. if u want a fight , ky will give u one KJDHGKSFJDHGKSDJGH talk shit get hit is her motto and i hate her for it

she has a black cat named mijo

her friends and family are the loves of her life . literally , if you mean something to her , there’s nothing she won’t do for you . she will ADORE YOU

if ur her enemy .... that’s fun too. :)

confident AF

she’s an all around bitch i hate her , but she’s a mess , and she’s funny , and she’s too much sometimes .

too stubborn for her own good all the time bc she thinks she’s always right. 

she’s also really goofy when she wants to be

has a hell of a good work ethic , will get shit done when it needs to be done . is definitely the pushy friend to encourage others to do the same.

BEST HYPE WOMAN EVER

she loves assholes.

her lito, lita, ita, tito {grandparents} are her favourite people ever

will cuss you out in spanish and english

hella hot tempered and uhm...

YEAH THERE’S A LOT BUT YEAH I THINK I GOT IT COVERED KGJHDSKFHG

[knb-shorts-and-sweets]

hi!! i lov ur blog!!! can i get a scenario w gom+hanamiya where their male s/o catches them cheating on him w a girl and hes just like "o srry,," or is just silent and walks away all casual like he expected them to eventually cheat on him w a girl bc he was just "an experiment" or smth like that and they try to explain or fix things between them but now hes too afraid to trust them in fear of getting cheated on again? :00

I think that: a) I didn’t give you what you asked for and b) I had too much fun with this

Kuroko: For some reason, he wasn’t where he normally was after practice. You would meet him to walk home together on Wednesdays. Thinking he might still be in the locker room or something, you made your way to the gym. You could hear voices echoing as you got a bit closer, one of which was clearly Tetsu’s velvety murmur. The other was much too familiar, and much too female. You were silent, so when they quieted down, chills began to run down your spine. Just peeking your head in, you could see the two clearly, baby blue and soft pink, like cotton candy. Although it probably tasted like sulfur. Tetsu didn’t have the wherewithal to pull away from his childhood friend until he heard the sound of your half-assed applause for them. He looked shocked, stiff, like a deer in the headlights. Momoi was too uncomfortable to even look at you. Throughout your relationship, you could never shake the feeling that he was in love with her. You were just a fling, a way for him to figure himself out. It hurt a little bit to finally accept the truth before you. “I figured you really were just into girls,” you said softly, “but you could have at least been honest with me.” With that, you turned to leave. He couldn’t just let you leave like that. It was a misunderstanding, really. He stood up and rushed to stand between you and the door, so that he could explain what happened. But the damage was done and it felt like you walked right through him as you left.

Kise: It was something you always tried to ignore. Girls flocked to him for his attention (which you really couldn’t blame them for doing) but for some reason, he always felt the need to flirt back. It was lunch, and you were sitting across from him, trying to get food down despite your lack of appetite, and watching your boyfriend give his attention to someone else right in front of you. Not even that Kuroko guy. Just some girl; she was hanging around him a lot lately. But the position of his arm caught your eye and you knew in an instant that he was holding her hand under the table, right in front of you. Red-faced with both anger and embarrassment, you stood up suddenly, slamming your hands on the table. “I get it,” you spat. Kise was frozen for a moment in shock, and by the time he came to, you had thrown your uneaten lunch away and were halfway to the door, muttering to yourself about how stupid you were to ever believe he could be into you. He tried to go after you, but his foot got caught underneath the table and he fell backwards. Calling your name was pointless as you couldn’t hear much over the sound of your breaking heart pounding in your ears.

Midorima: You were just walking around the corner of the hallway, hoping that you would be able to run into him. When you saw him earlier that day, he was stressing about today being a particularly bad day for cancers and was unable to get his lucky item. You’d gone out of your during lunch to find it for him, going so far as to stop at a resale store where you were finally able to your hands on the hollow glass rabbit. You were doing your best to get over your reservations about dating him, as you were unsure if he was really into you or just curious and using your convenient crush on him as an opportunity to experiment. Perhaps you were right to doubt him; as you turned the corner, you immediately spotted the carrot only about ten feet away. The next thing you noticed was the girl beside him, pressed against his side, and his arm that was wrapped so comfortably around her. Their bodies fit together like puzzle pieces. When he realized you were there, he pulled away from her and tried to approach you but you tossed the lucky item to his feet, happy to see it shatter right in front of him. Ha. Relatable. With that, you turned and tried to get away from him with as much of your dignity as you could manage.

Aomine: You were at his place, in his bed, with his arm wrapped around you as he slept beside you. His phone was under your pillow, so it wasn’t like you could ignore the buzzing that signaled he had a text. You would have gladly ignored it, but there was another one, and a few minutes later another one. You pulled the phone out from under your pillow and only glanced at the screen. You couldn’t help yourself. The messages were all from the same number, the name definitely belonging to a girl. You could figure out his pass-code easily (he was predictable and not that clever). Your heart dropped down into your stomach as you opened the messages, tears welling up in your eyes as you scrolled through older messages. Seeing the pictures exchanged between the two caused you to let out a sob, successfully waking him beside you. “What’s wrong?” he groaned, unaware of his phone in your hand. You pulled yourself out of his arms and off the bed as you tossed the phone at his chest. You knew the kinds of bodies he was attracted to, and you certainly didn’t fit the mold. You’d been trying to convince yourself that it was real, that he was actually interested in you. But like always, he was just fucking around, playing a game so easily with no effort at all. “I’m so stupid for taking this seriously for a second,” you murmured to yourself as you grabbed your things, trying your best not to slam his door on your way out.

Murasakibara: You had a cooking class together, although he was stuck at the counter in front of yours. It wasn’t so bad at first. Often during class he would turn to let you taste whatever you were making and you would do the same. And then it happened less often, and less, as his class partner was requiring more and more of his attention every day. She started by feeding him extra snacks she brought, making extra whipped cream on the side, but you hoped Murachin was only accepting it all because he really couldn’t think beyond his taste buds. But there was always that aching dread that he was more interested in her, you were just a fling to satisfy his curiosity. Then one day she offered to play the pocky game, and he accepted. You counted the seconds that passed by as their lips remained pressed together, watching in horror as she reached up to cup his cheek in her hand. The mixing bowl you’d been holding dropped onto the counter and you quickly began packing up your things, hoping that you would be able to get to a bathroom before a panic attack ensued. You couldn’t subdue your doubts anymore when the proof was right in front of you.

Akashi: You knew he wasn’t one for excessive romance or affection, and it hadn’t bothered you for the most part. Who were you kidding? It made your heart drop a bit every time he ignored you or shied away from your touch, claiming he needed to focus. Was he even attracted to you at all? Sometimes you worried that he didn’t get to know you during your time working on a project together and discovering that he was interested in you. It was very possible that he was just curious, and you were cute and smart enough and in the right place at the right time. The latter seemed more likely, as you tended to be in that position often, like today. You left your phone in your desk, but didn’t realize until you were halfway across the school. When you finally got there, you were a bit out of breath, but the wind was knocked out of you completely when you opened the door to the classroom to find a girl sitting on your desk with her hand resting on top of your phone and your supposed boyfriend leaning over her, kissing her. You pursed your lips as you approached them. Luckily for you, your insecurities led to you rehearsing this moment in your head at night a lot. Swiping your phone from the desk, you looked at Akashi directly. “I see,” you said softly before leaving the two to their business.

Hanamiya: There was something thrilling about being with him. Maybe it was due to something as simple as his demeanor. You suspected that it had more to do with the fact that you couldn’t quite figure his motives out. You went into this thinking that it would last a week or two, that he was just messing around, figuring himself out. But lately you were starting to get the impression that maybe he was after something more. Foolish of you to think like that. He was taking too long to meet up with you after school, and you made your way to the only place you could think of him lingering in right now: the locker room. You were unfortunately correct to assume he’d be there, although he wasn’t waiting for you to find him or anything like that. You found him there in nothing but a towel–which was being held up around his waist by some girl’s hands. He looked up at you and rolled his eyes when he saw who just walked in on them. “You have wonderful timing,” he said with a small sneer on his lips. You turned away from him, “I knew why you were with me, what I was getting myself into,” casually waving your hand as you walked off, “Glad you figured it out.”

[saltine-kakyoin]

🎶 and jotaro and also kakyoin AND another character..whoever u want ;)

oho… you’ve sent me another message? you know what comes next bro, u brought this upon yourself….this is us now man

anyhow, AH. thos boys…god this one is gonna be so difficult because I have So Many Songs that are tied to them. as for the other character, i think i will do my boy sergio because i really need to share my brainstorming songs for him before i explode! :0 thank you again for sending these in, bro!! have a good night, ily! c:

this will be long bc i always ramble..i will be tagging this as long post for mobile gang!

Jotaro:

thom- i hate to start this off with a jotakak-themed song because i know some people Despise jk. i’m sorry for y’all who do, but ahh this song has been stuck in my head for days now! :’( In terms of the SDA, i always think of this song as like…jotaro’s bittersweet journey w his feelings for kak. it’s something about the like, ghostly windchimes in the beginning, the phone buzzing in the bg, and the “please don’t run away”s man, ahhh. I listen to this song a lot when brainstorming him coming to accept that friendship is as far as he and kak go. However,“ The pitter patter gave a rather rinse and lather feeling/ As opposed to shitty attitudes that made me bitter after laughter/ And I dearly regretted it” really makes me think of pt. 4 jotaro in any context. We only see the end result of his development from SDC, but like hhh… do you think he regrets being so gruff? I think of that 1 fanart where he’s looking at the group picture + hoping they knew he wasn’t annoyed by them (or something along those lines, i forget the exact line…ahh)

something’s missing- So, ofc not all parts of this song apply.. and truthfully, I listen to this song while thinking of the immediate period after the crusade in the SDA and how the crusaders are all left with this hole in them (..@kakyoin literally.. i’m sorry i had to. also, abdul is the hole). Out of all of them, though, I always think of Jotaro the most w this song- “My dad asks, ‘Were you okay out where you were stranded?’ How do I tell him that I wasn’t just okay… I was so much better?” LIKE DAMN THAT IS ONE (1) KUJO JOTARO… :( i think he comes back from the crusade and just feels.. severely misplaced. Going back to Japan and the girls following him to school every morning feels so alien to him.

tempest rhapsody- this song is just… *chef kiss* It makes me think of like. star platinum’s first manifestation, and of the emotions one would feel during a 50-day crusade to a place you’ve never been before, where you run the risk of death at least once a week…how would it feel to know if you got seriously injured in a fight, there would be a very real possibility that your *cough* dearly beloved *cough* mother could die? this song is my answer to that question

only in sleep- another choir song! i cannot help myself. This one is more for canon Jotaro. I’ve read a few fics about the universe reset where he’s reunited with the other crusaders one last time before everything becomes nil, and…..augh. “The years had not sharpened their smooth round faces, I met their eyes and found them mild — Do they, too, dream of me, I wonder, And for them am I too a child?“ is imo such a jotaro 4 am deliberation

softly- THIS. this was the Original jotakak song, no offense thom. i used to listen to this song on REPEAT while reading nessun dorma, ahhh. so much of the sda jotakak dynamic is shaped from that fic and this song, hghshg. Anyhow, now that I’ve worked on the development of their relationship in the sda, this song is most definitely a song for the jotaro who unknowingly pines in 3rd year and then comes to realize that ah…these are Emotions during uni. during their third year, jotaro and kakyoin do a ton of self-exploration, and spend more than one night floating in the pitch black void of the ocean talking about what they’re going to do after graduation with only the stars to accompany them. they lose this when jotaro goes to florida for uni + kakyoin paris, but they make up for it by calling each other all the time, so “Touch you softly I call you up late at night” made this song an instant hit in my book ghshghw. I adore this song, through and through. ;u;

post-published honorable mention bc i rediscovered him while i was workin on polnareff’s playlist!! DOLLY ZOOM is another really good song for pining jotaro. in the sda, he feels really Horrible about having a crush on kakyoin for a long time because he and his family (that is phrased weird, i am sorry) are the entire reason kakyoin got a hole punched right through his abdomen and spine. they’re the entire reason kakyoin spent months learning how to walk and use his legs again. he doesn’t do anything except bury his feelings because, to him, it’d be Really selfish to do otherwise. i listened to dolly zoom nonstop when i started writing Jotaro’s Decade-Long Yearn because it captures the guilt really well, ahh.

Kakyoin (it is 1:24 am as i’m starting this… let’s see how long i agonize over this part lmao)

ultraviolence- ahh, ze Mindworm Song. I really despise diokak and the fact that he had to spend like…3-4 months with the mindworm just chilling in his brain, but I can’t ignore the fact that he latched onto dio’s friendship and was initially elated to have that whole thing happen. It haunts Kakyoin in canon, and it Most Definitely haunts him in the SDA, and i think he and jotaro have a lot of conversations about how and why and what that whole experience was like. I always end up coming back to this song when brainstorming this year in the au. The beginning just sounds so lonely, and the background choir/ voices really give me the heebie jeebies. Then, there’s the build-up to the beat drop, which really make me think of like. what being mindwormed could feel like? And how it must feel to be so lost in that sauce that you become a passenger in your own mind, lost to the whim of one super manipulative vampire, augh. “You give me love, you know you give me love with your ultraviolet rays” ties into a few of FKA Twigs’ other songs where she sings about not being enough and really obsessively deriving love from someone whose attention is ultimately really harmful and unhealthy, and I think about that and Kakyoin a lot. :(

sound and color- so truthfully, this is my go-to song for any character that dies/almost dies and comes back, or goes through a Huge Life Change. kakyoin fits both of these bills to a T! this song makes me think of getting used to being around such a rowdy but tight-knit group of people who genuinely care about you All Day Long after spending your entire life in isolation. I always think of like, a happiness montage when the second half of this song comes around, and the montage i daydream about for kak during that section is *chef kiss* Sound + Color is like one of the best songs ever, and it’d be a crime to not have a kak setting for it. 

first love/late spring- fellas, here’s the kakyoin equivalent to jotaro’s softly. this song was IT, back when the sergio-divergent au and the “All the Crusaders Live” au were two separate things. back then, kakyoin and jotaro’s realization that oh, fuck, they really meant the entire world to each other happened much earlier in the plot. Looking back on that now makes me squint, but I do think that this song is still really fitting for kakyoin exploring those feelings- friendship is one thing, but romance is something entirely different and a lot more intimate. i think it’s a tug-of-war for him, between wanting to jump in to those feelings and wanting to run far far away from them because he doesn’t want to be wrong and ruin their friendship. good times in the kak hole

last words of a shooting star- I really love the bastard fucker side of kakyoin that is explored and celebrated in our fanon, but I can never shake the fact that some of his last thoughts were of his parents (and i think he was sorry for making them worry? which… baby…) and that his polite, “outwardly anxious” presentation was this big facade for like.. the Deep and Soul-Wrenching loneliness he felt because he was a stand user? The first stanza and “They’ll never know how I’d stared at the dark in that room/ With no thoughts” make me think of kakyoin deeply- if his family had never gone to egypt and he’d never met dio or jotaro, what would have happened to him? Who would he be? i’ve always been super attached to that part of kak bc fundamentally… I Relate. but also i am just fond of it because it makes me sob- he deserved so much better than to get murdered by the same man who manipulated his entire identity right at the climax of his character arc….some crimes can never be forgiven, hirohiko….

vertigo- i don’t listen to this song for kak often, but it is a Quintessential Kakyoin song. according to khalid’s twitter, vertigo is a song about “Overcoming overthinking. After every dark days, there’s a brighter outcome. Being at a super low place in your life and realizing that, there’s other people going through that same path you’re walking down. There’s always light at the end of the tunnel. It’s also a story about fear of abandonment.” which….Big Kakyoin Energies. The “Are we alive?Or are we dreaming?” part also ties back into the Kakyoin Parties in a Coma for a Month arc- your mind has a wild wild time when you’re in a medically induced coma, theoretically because it’s trying to fill in the blanks for all of the stuff you’re sensing? And coming out of a medically induced coma is a bizarre experience, where it’s hard to tell if you’re still in the coma and just imagining things or if you’re actually awake. Kakyoin has a mad time in the month immediately after SDC, one that i’m sure he doesn’t enjoy too much after the death 13 fight.

honorable mention goes to i am not yours- this has been a kak song to me for a long time as well. the context of the song is way different from my interpretation for this setting, but AH. I just think kakyoin really struggles to differentiate and understand romantic feelings. This song really reminds me of that struggle, and I think also touches nicely on like. the identity issue of it all too.. “yet i am i, who long to be” yanno? ; J ; it’s hard for me to explain

another honorable mention, my statue sinking. in the sda, after the events in egpyt, kakyoin is thrown into a coma for like an entire month while his body gets operated back together, and then he spends months in physical therapy learning how to walk w a prosthetic spine (kudos to cyborg speedwagon being a reverse engineering madman :D). i like to imagine that there’s also some degree of therapy going on this whole time, also. you don’t just get donuted + thrown into a coma for a month without some counseling to get you back on your feet..i think the lasting effects of dio’s influence are addressed here, but only briefly because it’s not something kakyoin is eager to explore. however, I think that this song captures the like... distress? i guess? of knowing that your life has been irreparably thrown off course because of dio. like yes, you met some really wonderful people that helped you learn how deeply healing friendship could be! but also.. you lost months of your life to mind control, and then another month to a coma, and then additional months to training your body to function again....there’s some psychological stress there. While I think that Jotaro and Polnareff are affected the most by the crusade, I think they all emerge from it with some degree of ptsd. Being targeted by complete strangers at all times of day cannot be good for your mental health, you know? Anyhow, I think My Statue Sinking captures that aftermath feeling really well. Everyone survives and recovers from the crusade, but there’s a part in all of them that is lost to Egypt. 

on to sergio!! (it is now 2:04 am lmaooooooo) sergio will be easy because I only ever listen to the same handful of songs when I’m writing him hdhgh

i will come to you- this is THE sergio song. i think of this song every time i write about him, whether it’s the “believe in me…” “also believe in me” lyric exchange that i imagine he has with both tomoko and holly; the “and i will pray to my father…my father…and he will abide” part being about him reaching out to joseph with his final breaths and spilling all of the beans about dio and begging him to finish things so that Tomoko and Josuke, the Kujos, and he and Suzi can be safe; the “foreeever……foreee-eever.. forever..” part being where he dies and his soul passes into the next realm.. “even the spirit of truth [golden prophet] whom the world [..yeah..] cannot receive, because it seeth him not [bc suad defects and buries sergio instead of bringing his dead body to dio]. Neither knoweth him, but you know him…for he dwelleth in you and he shall be in you [literally the entire joestar/kujo/higashikata family being so near and dear to him + his spirit being with them even after death]” and then, like.. george i, jonathan, and george ii coming to retrieve his soul during the “heeeee shallll beee in youuu” part… “i will not leave you comfortless. i Will Not leave.. You Comfortless… iiii wiiiill come…. to you.. to You” part being about his soul mingling within star platinum and crazy diamond because he has a Need, even in death, to protect them. UGH (also his essence being especially prevalent in crazy diamond, which is partially why its power is to repair things!! bc hamon! ; O ;) literally I have an Entire music video with sergio’s death set to this music. i’ve listened to it way too many times.

when david heard- so to be frank this is actually more of a joseph song, but it’s only a joseph song when sergio exists + gets murdered. :o i cried the first time i listened to this, and then months later i listened to it while thinking of sergio + like. sobbed fr fr. Joseph is asleep when Sergio calls him, so he gets sergio’s final message as a voicemail on his answering machine hours after the fact. the message itself is chilling because Joseph had no clue his son had gone on this huge mission by himself to kill Dio, and now he’s dead! however, it’s made even worse because Joseph wasn’t there to pick the call up and comfort his son in his dying breaths or do Anything. it’s just like Caesar, which is. god awful. it’s such a horrible realization because sergio, whom joseph named after what caesar wanted to name his own son, has been condemned to the same fate as his namesake. Thus this song- i’ve yet to come across a song that captures the feeling of hearing that kind of news so well. (also when i tag things as my sOOOOON or *cries my son in 8-part harmony a la whitacre*, this is the song i’m referencing :D)

zombies / terrified- ahhh, these songs capture the HORROR sergio feels upon sensing dio’s presence in Japan really well. (also “I’m going to eat you alive/please don’t find me rude, but i don’t eat fast food/ so don’t run too fast” is SUCH a dio mood…) Sergio maintains his composure about the Dio Dilemma for a good year before he flies off the handle, and his entire proto-crusade against the vampire is just. Laced with paranoia, even if he is learning a ton of useful skills. These two songs capture that feeling of something constantly watching/creeping up on you so well, and ever since i discovered them, I’ve listened to them for Sergio inspo.

the prophet- This is the only song I’ve done so far that the characters would actually listen to lmao. Sergio is a Huge fan of The Temptations, and his stand is actually named after this song! (+ the esoteric title for the hermit, which was really amazing luck on my end ; J ;) it also had a huge hand in figuring out what his stand power would be, the lyric that decided it was “God doesn’t listen to the words you pray; he hears what your heart has got to say.” However, the entire last stanza of the song ties really well into his character arc fhshgh. Also, this song just feels like it could Be the child of Bloody Stream, if that makes any sense. it’s so groovy and funky, but the lyrics are like big ominous lmao. I was super ecstatic to find this song- if sergio were to ever get an animation, this song would be the OP, yanno?

armageddon- This is another “this song would be on their personal playlist” song. Sergio’s got a lot of love for all styles of music in his heart, but jazz is his home base and always what he comes back to. I like to imagine that Lisa Lisa’s husband introduces Sergio to Wayne Shorter’s music at the age of like 8 or 9, and Sergio’s just. obsessed with the man’s music for the rest of his life. I really love Shorter’s explanation for the meaning of this song and its album as a whole: “What I’m trying to express here is a sense of judgment approaching - judgment for everything alive from the smallest ant to man. I know that the accepted meaning of ‘Armageddon’ is the last battle between good and evil - whatever it is. But my definition of the judgment to come is a period of total enlightenment in which we will discover what we are and why we’re here.” Like… wig.. I feel like that’s such big sergio energy. Armageddon itself also feels like a really nice ED- it’s lively, but in a good episode-ending kind of way. Do i dream of animating Sergio’s adventure one day? Mayhaps.

honorable mention goes to just my imagination/ my girl- We’ve covered that Sergio adores The Temptations, so it’s no secret that he would listen to these songs ceaselessly. however, i really like the broadway harmonies + instrumentals that they did for Ain’t Too Proud, so that’s what’s goin in here. these songs are THE tomoko/sergio songs…He loves Tomoko and the way she quips + teases + gets up to nonsense with him So Much. There’s a huge part of him that has No Idea what Tomoko sees in a music geek like him, but ughh he is so grateful that she likes him because she is a Goddess. he’s blessed yo..

[howlingwind]

01. what’s your name/alias you go by ??

my name is jeff !! lmfao (i don’t let memes die) it’s not my real name but i’ve gone by cody on tumblr for a long time

02. what’s your age ??

twenty. jfc i’m old. but also apparently a fetus??

03. what’s your zodiac sign ??

aries, which couldn’t feel further from correct lmfao

04. what’s your ethnicity ??

uhh mostly italian & sicilian, but you could probably point to any white place in europe and i’ll have a little bit of that in me. i’m also 1/16th native american but it’s such a small amount and sadly i don’t even know which tribe to learn more about them.

05. what’s your nationality ??

‘murican

06. what’s your favorite band and/or musical artist ??

i’m super indecisive about everything, so it’s difficult for me to pick faves (as you’ll see in a sec) but… mac miller,  post malone, johnny cash, eminem, tenacious d, colter wall, kehlani, bruno mars, snoop dogg, elvis presley, justin timberlake, sublime, the rolling stones, etc etc there’s probably a lot i’m forgetting tho. i like most types of music except country. well, modern country anyway.

07. what’s your dream job ??

uh, i don’t have one? i mean yeah, i’d love to be a writer, or game dev, or a narrative director on a game, or direct, write, or act in movies or television, but like…i could live without any of that stuff. i just want to make a decent living, be able to own a house, not completely hate my job. yknow, not a glamorous life but a good one.

08. what’s one place you would love to visit ??

idk there’s a lot of places i’d like to go, but i’d most like to visit alpha centauri, even tho that’ll never happen lol

09. what’s your favorite tv show ??

i can’t pick that! but i love a lot of shows. general hospital, lucifer, the 100, supernatural, stranger things, izombie, south park, legends of tomorrow, once upon a time, arrow (at times), dragon ball, big brother, riverdale, chilling adventures of sabrina, that 70′s show, the ranch, umm… i could probably keep listing forever.

10. what’s your favorite movie ??

hmmmm, again i’ve got a list but… joe dirt, the new guy, why him, the waterboy, 50 first dates, all the spider-man movies, thor ragnarok, man of steel, 21 jump street, 22 jump street ,and a fuckton more lol 

11. what’s your favorite song ??

constantly in flux, but the current faves are — creep by radiohead, stay by post malone, no below by speedy ortiz, unshaken by d’angelo, cruel cruel world by willie nelson, wanksta by 50 cent, shooter by lil wayne & robin thicke, stressed out by 21 pilots, self care by mac miller (along with practically everything on his final album), and i will always, un-ironically love only in america by riff raff. he’s not the greatest ever but that song is hilarious and always puts me in a good mood.

12. what’s your favorite sport ??

can i say rocket league? lol

13. what’s your favorite food ??

pizza, unquestionably. cereal is a damn close second tho. or pot stickers. damn, i’m hungry… 

14. what’s your favorite face claim to use ??

typically, i’ve always really liked using paul wesley, chris wood, and matt daddario. i’m using lindsey morgan for the first time now though, and i really like her as an fc too.

15. what’s your least favorite face claim ??

to use?? um pretty much any singer or model just bc their resources aren’t too great. i really didn’t enjoy using pete davidson as much as i thought i would, either lol

to see… uh probs emma roberts or andy biersack. emma for obvs reasons but also bc i once had a really bad experience with people using those fcs. idm people using whoever they feel like using tho.

16. what’s your favorite character of yours to play ?? which do you think you’re most like ??

oh man, uhh i really enjoy writing chrissy & theo. they both speak to me. but tbh i’m not much like any of my characters? i’m boring af so i tend not to make any like me lol. i am kinda like theo in the sense that i’m quiet, and really just try to be a good person. other than that i’m most like jason solely based on the fact we’re both human lol

17. what’s your sexuality ??

danversexual. attracted only to fictional danvers women, examples including carol, kara, and alex danvers.

lmfao but nah i’m just a boring straight boy. well, like 99.9% straight. jensen ackles makes me question shit.

18. what’s the last movie you saw in a cinema/theater ??

captain marvel (thanks to dani lol). only two months late but it was worth the experience haha.

19. what’s the worst injury you’ve ever had ??

thankfully i’ve never really hurt myself too terribly except for a broken wrist, but between the ages of 10-17 i’d occasionally hurt my back by sitting weird, usually in an attempt to play video games without the glasses i desperately needed lol. once when i was like 11 i laid belly down on the couch with my elbows up on the arm of it for like three hours, which messed me up for days, then a few other times i hurt myself, but another bad one when i was 17, i had my back curved while sitting and propping my laptop up on my knee, tried to move and literally just cried, crawled on the floor, and laid there all night until i forced myself to move in the morning. lol luckily it hasn’t happened since i lost a little weight.

20. what’s a random or interesting fact about you ??

uhm, nothing? i literally can’t think of one, i’m dull af. i uh.. i replaced my own cpu cooler once? lmfao

21. do you listen to music while you write ??

sometimes. a lot of time i just like the silence or ambient background noise, but if i’ve got a fitting playlist for the vibe of what i’m trying to write, i’ll use it!

22. are you a morning, day, evening, or night writer ??

i’m a never writer, apparently v___v but lol ideally a night writer, my best work is between the hours of 12am & 4am, but my sleeping schedule is so inconsistent, and so is my dad’s who spends literally every waking moment of his telling me different stuff he wants done, so it’s tough to hit that sweet spot. i write whenever i get a chance tho.

23. have you ever roleplayed intoxicated ??

lol nah i’ve never even had a drink. like what teenager doesn’t have a drink at some point?? i told you i’m lame.

24. what language or languages do you speak ??

english, barely. and assassin’s creed 2 taught me some italian swears. and ac: odyssey has had me occasionally dropping “malaka” bombs since the day i first played it haha.

25. how long have you roleplayed ??

officially, about 9 years. i started at 11 on myspace, rping dragon ball z stuff. but basically about 12 years, if you count how from the ages of 8-11 i’d put an anime pic up on my myspace, pretend i was older, and talk to roleplayers i didn’t realize were roleplayers lmfao.

26. favorite roleplay genre ??

i like pretty much anything, tbh. as long as it’s well thought out, has an interesting plot, or whatever. sometimes it doesn’t even need that, it just needs to catch my eye or line up with something i’m looking for. but yeah, supernatural, multi-fandom, sci-fi, romance, town rps, high school/college rps, anime rp (well, pokemon mostly), harry potter… i’ve done it all tbh and don’t particularly have a favorite.

27. one sound you hate & one you love ??

the sound of cotton stretching is the absolute worst thing to me. or scratching cotton. idk, it just sends chills up and down my spine and makes my hands feel weak lmfao. i’m weird. i really love the sound of rain, or fire crackling, or like “ambient” harp or ukulele music.

28. do you believe in ghosts ??

short answer, yes. long answer… i’m pretty sure i was friends with a ghost girl as a kid?? like no joke, even looking back at it through rational “adult” eyes, i’m still convinced. my fam moved into a new apartment, and pretty much right after that i started having dreams about a girl my age at the time (11-12). i’d never seen her before but the dreams would be like just conversations, like i was visiting a friend or something. i don’t remember them much, but i do remember the feeling of someone else in my room all the time, like you know how if someone else is around you just know even if you’re not looking at them? like that. there was even one night i was getting in bed, laid there a minute, and then i could have absolutely sworn somebody came in the room and sat down next to me on the bed because i felt the bed sink a little under their weight, but i looked and no one was there. i had a really vivid conversation/dream/thing that night. then a few nights later, for the first time since moving there i didn’t have one. the next morning my dad was really freaked out and said he fell asleep in the chair, but woke up and couldn’t breathe, and felt cold little hands over his mouth. he rationalized it as just waking up from a nightmare but i didn’t think so, so that night when i went to sleep and saw her i got really upset, yelled at her for it, and woke up right after. then i never saw or heard anything even remotely similar again, like she left or disappeared or something. it’s so weird, and i know how crazy it sounds, but yeah. don’t get me started on the topic of ghosts lmfao. THEN AGAIN, like a year later we had a carbon monoxide scare, but i really doubt the two were related because that would mean there was an entire year that we were breathing it in and the monitor didn’t do anything lol

29. do you believe in aliens ??

no alien story, thankfully, but it just makes no sense not to believe in them to me. like, we probably don’t have them on earth, and we’ve probably never encountered any, but it’s as close as you can get to a mathematical certainty that there’s some other life out there in the universe.

30. do you believe in true love ??

like, people who are just meant for each other, like romantic soulmates? nah not really. but i believe that two people can grow to truly love one another. whether it’s based off an initial attraction/infatuation, or a friendship, or both. i’d actually argue that’s a simple explanation of the biological science behind the feeling of love, but that’s an essay i’m not gonna write lol. but there’s apparently a lot of different types of love, so i guess “true love” is suggestive? 

also slightly unrelated but i don’t-quite-believe-in-but-am-open-to-the-idea-of soulmates, not necessarily as two souls who are just meant for each other romantically and always end up together, but more as two or more souls that gravitate toward each other to make up the important people in each other’s lives, like family members, lovers, or close friends. but that’s more of a theoretical idea/possibility than an actual belief of mine.

31. do you hold grudges ??

um, yes. lol i try not to, and i really do want everyone to be their best/happiest selves, but some people man… some people can take a long walk off a short pier lmao

32. do you have any obsessions right now ??

PO KE MON GOTTA CATCH EM ALLLLL. also… life is strange (thanks dani lol). supernatural. stranger things (thanks dani & steph) the 100 / clexa / becho  (thanks steph). lucifer. captain marvel (thanks dani). the song “creep” by radiohead and all its covers (tom ellis, haley reinhart, etc). cyberpunk 2077 (thanks dani). as you can see, i’m easily influenced lmfao.

33. do you drive & if so, have you ever been in a crash ??

nope i don’t drive, precisely because i’d definitely end up in a crash lol

34. do you like the smell of gasoline ??

uh that’s a big fat no from me, chief

35. do you prefer writing fluff, angst, or smut ??

i like it all equally, i think. i just really like writing & rp in general. i did run a smut rp once in the past tho. it gets old quick tbh and is the one of the three i can live without lol

36. are you in a relationship ??

bahahahahahahaha no.

37. grab the nearest book to you and turn to page 23, what is the 17the line ??

❝  “and why would that be?” kronos’s golden eyes glittered.  ❞

— the last olympian by rick riordan.

38. put your playlist on shuffle and list the first four songs that pop up:

1. season of the witch – donovan 2. riot van – arctic monkeys 3. busta rhymes – qveen herby 4. der kommissar – after the fire

also i gotta cheat because it’s too perfect that the next two are

5. stay – mac miller (one of my favorites ever that i forgot to mention above) 6. only in america – riff raff (i just love this ok. the video is hilarious but tw james franco for those that don’t like him)

[evilkitten3]

so... i’ve mentioned before a couple of times that i’m slowly (very, very, very slowly) working on my own original stories. and... well, the cast is pretty diverse (which makes sense, since i want to be a diverse fantasy author, duh). since i am but one person, i haven’t lived all of their experiences, and i’d love it if anyone had tips? hell, even for the experiences i have lived; i’m not turning down any advice.

anyway, here are the main characters:

Lev Abulafia– 15; half-Ashkenazi, half-Sephardi; raised in a fairly secular household (mom wears a tichel because she wants to, not because she’s super orthodox; they only really go to the local synagogue for Rosh Hashanah; etc.); autistic; has a crush on Aabir; lives with his mom and sometimes with the Wen family, who’ve essentially been actual family since before Lev was born

Meiling Wen– 15; at least half-Chinese (only met her dad); Lev’s sister and best friend; has known she was a girl since she was two; mentally ill (haven’t quite decided on a diagnosis yet, for multiple reasons, but psychosis is involved); celebrates the Jewish holidays but is uncomfortable calling herself Jewish; pretty nice but also lowkey loves sassing her siblings

Xiuying Wen– 22; half-Chinese (shares a dad with Meiling); Olympic gymnast and martial artist; diagnosed with ASPD at age 19; is the only person allowed to call Meiling “Mei” (because Meiling was afraid to ask her not to when she was younger and now she’s just used to it); likes partying and booze; stopped doing anything beyond weed at 21; pansexual and polyamorous; not super reliable but relatively self-aware; unlike Meiling, she does consider herself Jewish, since she was raised with Jewish holidays and culture as a major part of her life, even though she isn’t religiously or ethnically Jewish

Aabir ibn Isaiah al-Hashimi– 15; father is Sunni and mother is Shia (may change this bc I definitely don’t want to start anything and I’m not super educated on Sunni-Shia relations yet); has an older sister; bisexual; best friends with Thomas, even though no one can figure out why; believes that there is good in everyone, which leads to him trying to help people he sees “going down the wrong path” (like Thomas); plays basketball

Sandhya Ghatak– 16; born in Tripura, India and moved to the States at age 5 because her doctor was moving; has four arms (hence why her parents moved with her doctor); speaks Bengali, Hindi, English, and a little bit of Kokborok; closeted lesbian; dating Alex; fire powers (have to learn more about Hinduism and Agni before I go into more detail about that tbh); really loves makeup but is also very aware of where she buys it from, and is very, very clear about why she wears it (for herself, no one else); student council vice-president; straight-A student; very popular and probably the prettiest girl in the school; high anxiety and probably some other mental illness but I haven’t decided what yet

Alex(a) Howe– 16; closeted trans lesbian; was raised by super liberal parents and is hyper aware of his privileges; only out to Sandhya, so mostly uses he/him pronouns; doesn’t have a transphobic family but is choosing to remain closeted because he wants to be a professional football player; doesn’t like spicy food but is trying to increase his tolerance to impress Sandhya’s parents; had trouble saying Sandhya’s name at first so he practiced over and over again until he got it right; doesn’t use makeup himself but is pretty knowledgeable about it bc of how much his girlfriend likes it; pretty intimidating at first sight but honestly a giant teddy bear; learning Bengali; became friends with Sandhya in kindergarten and started dating her in high school

Jess Cooper– 15; nonbinary black teen; lives with their father and younger brothers; older half-‘sister’ went missing seven years ago; spends a lot of time working with their pastor helping out charities; PTSD from the death of their mother and SPD (Schizoid Personality Disorder - a “secret schizoid”); befriends Thomas after he learns why Aabir befriended him and tries to help him become a better person; doesn’t bind bc they can’t afford a binder; works two part-time jobs to help pay for younger brother’s medical expenses; sexuality currently undecided (I was going to have them be asexual, but I want to make sure I’m not stereotyping people with SPD before I finalize their sexuality)

Thomas Weaver– 15; lives with his abusive dad and younger half-sister Sarah; cis, white, poor, straight, Catholic, and super bigoted; only friend is Aabir; starts off as antagonistic until he overhears Aabir telling Lev and Meiling that he only befriended Thomas because he realized that Thomas fit the profile of a potential school shooter; becomes depressed and lashes out until Jess confronts him and he breaks down in front of them; character arc revolves around unlearning toxic behaviors, accepting others, and open-mindedness; develops a crush on Jess which leads to internal conflict when he realizes he sees them as a girl and therefore hasn’t come as far as he’d first thought

Sarah García Weaver– 6; Thomas’s younger half-sister; has lived with Thomas and his dad for since she was 3 when her parents died in a car accident; half-Mexican on her father’s side; often used by father and brother as “I can’t be racist” playing card; too young to really understand much; likes cars but plays with dolls bc her stepdad thinks cars are for boys only; wants to be a train conductor when she grows up

Riley Cooper– 21; Jess’s older half-brother who ended up in another dimension when he went to what was supposed to be a meeting for closeted trans teens; left before either he or Jess came out, so both referred to the other as “my sister” until they met up again; mother was a white woman from a racist family who got disowned for dating a black man and was hit by a car during a panic attack when Riley was 4; considered Jess’s mom to be like a second mother and was heartbroken to learn she’d died while he was gone; bisexual; ends up in a relationship with Xiuying and Luca; transitioned via magic while missing and worked as a soldier so he kinda looks like he can bench-press a tank

Luca Finley– 21; half-Romani, half-Native Hawaiian; was raised by Roma mother after other mom (I think the word is ‘Māhū’?) was killed in a hate crime; wants to learn about Shaktism but doesn’t have the resources to do so; bisexual; works as a bartender in a club Xiuying likes to go to; ends up in an open relationship with Xiuying, which Riley eventually becomes part of

there are other characters as well (Mr. Wen, Ms. Abulafia, Joe Weaver, Mr. Cooper, Pastor Kim, Pastor Kim’s wife, etc., but these guys are the main characters + Sarah - I’d put Jess’s younger brothers here too, but... this is already a lot of words, and also Marcus and Antoin are both walking spoilers)

[mind-body-and-spirit]

I’m bored ignore me

Describe your current mood/feelings

I feel awful. I’m so unhappy in my current situation and I got a glimpse of what it’s like to be outside of it and I can’t wait to make that happen.

Which is your favourite country that you’ve been to?

Ireland probably.

What are the first things you notice when you look at/meet someone?

Smile and usually eyes but I haven't been great at that lately.

Have you ever been in love/are you in love currently?

I have been in love, I’m not currently.

Are you currently in a relationship?

I am not. 

Would you ever date someone online?

I’d date someone that I met online but not someone I couldn't be with in person.

Is there anyone of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with?

Yes.

Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?

Night is more my thing.

What side of the bed do you sleep on?

Left.

Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?

LOL no.

Would you choose love or money?

Right now, money probably except for one person that I would choose over that. 

When did you lose your virginity?

When I was 18.

 Do you prefer men or women?

Men usually but gender really doesn't matter to me. I’m attracted to personalities.

Do you have a sex playlist?

No but I’ve heard someone else’s and I am totally into it.

When was the last time you had sex?

Saturday 🙊

Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually?

Yes.

Where is the most romantic place you would want to have sex?

When I picture romantic sex it’s usually in a bed, sooooo.

Where is the weirdest place you would want to have sex?

Balcony.

What would you do if you were ever caught having sex?

Depends who caught us.

Would you ever go to a bar just to get sex?

I’d go to a bar to flirt.

Has anyone ever tried to pick you up in a bar?

Yes.

Would you have sex in a movie theater?

YES that’s so risky I dig it.

Would you have sex outside?

I would as long as its not dirty.

Would you have sex in a bathroom?

Probably.

Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?

There’s pics of me out there.

Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?

Not physically said it but I have thought of someone else and almost said it.

Would you ever use ‘toys’ in bed?

I would.

What would you do if your partner suggest a threesome?

I’m down.

How many people have you slept with?

5.

(1/2) If your lover/crush were in your bed right now, what would you do?

Sex probably.

(2/2) Then?

CUDDLE he’s great at that and probably talk a lot. 

What are your favorite bands? 

Set it off, Beartooth, Grayscale, As it Is, Mayday Parade.

What are your favorite singers? 

Barret Wilbert Weed, Taylor Louderman, Carrie Hope Fletcher, I’m obsessed with the Broadway stars right now.

What are your favorite albums? 

I’m LOVING the Mean Girls Cast Recording right now, also Dear Evan Hansen and Heathers. Only Human by Calum Scott is pretty good, and The Greatest Showman.

What are your favorite songs? 

Would You Be So Kind - dodie

Someone Gets Hurt, Revenge Party, World Burn, I’d Rather Be Me, and Apex Predator all from Mean Girls

Requiem, Waving Through a Window,and You Will Be Found all from DEH

And I’m gonna stop now because this list could go on forever.

What is the best concert you’ve ever been to? 

Oh gosh. Can I cheat and say Warped?

How did you first find out about your favorite band/singer?

Okay top two: I found SIO by accident at the mall in Hot Topic in 2009. Loved them ever since. And I found Barrett through Heathers.

If someone asks you what music they should check out, what are your go-to recommendations? 

Usually SIO unless were talking about musicals.

What was your first concert? if you haven’t been to one, what do you want your first concert to be? 

Omg Hilary Duff when I was like 8 probably.

How do live performances, whether they’re from your friends or professionals, tend to make you feel? 

SO HAPPY

Singing in the shower or singing in the car?  

Both but I sing in the car more. I only sing in the shower when I’m home alone, but I love that more cause acoustics and the steam is good for the voice.

If you could pick one instrument to learn how to play, what would it be? 

Trumpet!

What is your singing voice like? what singers do you remind yourself of? 

I’m a mezzo/alto. I try my hardest to be like Barrett tbh.

Have you ever been involved in any music programs? which ones and for how long?

Uh yeah like all through high school and college.

Which instruments do you know how to play? what’s your skill level? 

Flute/picc - advanced but I’m probably a bit rusty since I haven’t practiced in a while.

Piano, guitar, and ukulele - self taught/beginner

How do you feel about video game soundtracks? 

I like them if they’re super dark/edgy cause it’s fun to dance to.

What soundtracks do you enjoy listening to the most? 

Mean Girls, Heathers, DEH, Man of La Mancha, basically any musical.

How do you feel about musicals?

You’ve probably figured this out already but I live for them.

What are some songs whose lyrics you relate to? 

Would You Be So Kind - dodie

Are You There? - Bare (taken out of context, of course)

parts of Beautiful - Heathers

Breathe In Breathe Out - Tich

I’d Rather Be Me - Mean Girls

Someday - Zombies (taken out of context)

Do you prefer songs that have good melodies or songs that have good lyrics? 

BOTH. I usually really like songs that feel good to sing (good melodies) but I will download and listen to a song just for the lyrics.

Look at your country’s song charts, listen to the first unfamiliar song you can find, and share your opinion on it.

Billboard Top 100 said Psycho - Post Malone. And I hated it. 

Any cover versions that you think are better than the original? 

Chandelier - PVRIS from Punk Goes Pop

Uptown Funk - Against The Current & SIO

How often do you listen to music? 

Literally every day.

How do you feel about classical music? 

I love it.

Would you ever want to have a career in music? 

I think it would be fun but like realistically probably not.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how important is music to you? 

16.5 I couldn’t live without it.

How do you feel about rap music? 

Not a fan.

How has music affected you as a person?

It’s been my life since like 6th grade so it pretty much made me who I am.

What songs do you listen to when you’re sad?

I just listen to Mean Girls all the time

But sometimes Bare bc sad

What songs do you listen to when you’re in a great mood? 

Still Mean Girls.

What songs do you listen to when you’re getting ready for sports/to work out?

Anything from Mean Girls (do you see a trend here?)

What is your favorite movie?

The Kissing Booth was good, The Greatest Showman, I mostly listen to music.

What are you currently watching on Netflix/Hulu?

Skins UK (for the second time)

What shows have you finished?

13 Reasons Why, Grey’s, The Fosters, Misfits, Skins UK, Dance Academy, Degrassi, Backstage

Do you binge watch shows on Netflix or Hulu?

Netflix if I can find a good one. Hulu is for episodes that I missed when they aired.

What colour palette are you most drawn to?

Cool tones. Blues, purples, silver, but also rose gold.

What other country would you move to if you could?

Ireland or England

Which accent do you find most attractive?

IRISH

Would you rather be able to shapeshift or teleport?

Teleporting would solve a lot of my problems.

Would you do a destination wedding? where at?

Does Disney World count?

Dream honeymoon?

....Disney World.

Which celebrity’s voice do you wish you had? 

BARRETT

Would you rather live on a beach, mountaintop, on a farm, in the city, or in the forest?

The middle of a big city.

Do you still want to be what you dreamed of as a kid?

No I wanted to be a marine biologist and work at Sea World.

Would you rather live in a functional tree house, a rustic but renovated barn, and old stone cottage, a tiny house, an antique victorian character home, or an artistic cob home?

Antique victorian character home with an updated interior that's modern but still preserves the charm.

What do you want your life to look like in 1 year?

Living in a big city (preferably Baltimore or DC) and having a real job.

4 favourite youtubers?

I've really been into Shane Dawson and the squad lately. Also Soph (Sophdoesnails), Shelby’s DCP vlogs, and Sophie Lousie

What would your absolute dream partner look like?

Goofy smile, bright eyes (not necessarily in color, but like they light up when they’re excited and have life to them), taller than me, got meat on his bones

What would your absolute dream partner be like?

Sweet, an absolute nerd, adorable, knows how to charm the heck out of me, ambitious (I’m describing someone if you haven't caught on yet)

7 names that you really love?

James, Amelia, Sophie, Noah, Riley, Madison/Maddie, Samuel

Do you like your name? what would you change it to if you could?

No I hate it, I’d change it to Elizabeth which is my middle name. 

What is your biggest but most impossible-seeming dream in life?

Living in the middle of NYC

Do you collect anything? why’d you start?

Tsum Tsums because they’re cute af and I can’t resist, and I really want to start collecting pins.

When you’re hanging out in your room, do you usually sit on the bed, a chair, the floor, or somewhere else?

Bed.

How many pillows are on your bed?

6 because I bought all of the pillows for the apartment aside from the two he brought and I took them when I left.

Do you share a room with anybody? Have you ever (as in long term, not a sleep over)?

I don’t currently, but I shared with Lexi when were little, I had roommates for 3/4 years of college, and I shared with Nick in our apartment until the end.

Are there any posters or artwork on your walls? What are they?

I have an SIO poster, a One Direction poster, posters of the 5SOS boys, and a Callahan family crest from Ireland. (I really need to redecorate).

Where do you keep your clothes?

Dresser and closet (and the laundry basket of unfolded clothes that never seems to get emptied)

What color are your walls?

Purple.

Is your mattress on a frame or the floor?

On a frame.

What position do you sleep in?

On my side usually but I can sleep in all positions really.

What’s your favorite part of your room?

My bed.

What’s your least favorite part of your room?

It’s a god damn mess right now and that it heats up with the morning sun so it’s always hot.

How many hours a day on average do you spend in your room?

LOL way too many.

Have you ever been told that you spend too much time in your room/never go outside/live in your room/etc?

Yeah all the time.

Is there a desk in your room? Do you actually use it for homework?

There is and no I literally don’t but I should.

Is there a tv in your room?

Yes there’s a TV in my room.

If your bedroom could look any way you want, forgetting cost and practicality, what would it look like?

Clean and Tumblr-y

Do you put stuff under your bed?

I don’t try to but stuff ends up under there.

If you play an instrument, do you practice in your room or somewhere else?

When I was in college I rarely practiced in my room. If I do practice now (rarely) I do it in the living room.

Do you charge your phone next to your bed?

On my bed.

How many windows are in your room?

Just 1. 

Do you have a private/connected bathroom?

No I wish.

Do you keep makeup, jewelry, lotion, perfume/cologne, and hair stuff in your room or the bathroom?

It’s in my room. I keep it all in the Alex 5 drawers from IKEA.

What is your dream job?

HR but I’ve also been super interested in marketing lately? Also interior design or wedding planner.

What’s your favorite sport to watch on TV?

Baseball but also hockey? I’ve never been a hockey fan until I started watching the Preds in the playoffs this year and I’m totally into it now.

Who is your favorite athlete?

Nick Castellanos 😍

Have you ever been in love?

I have.

Do you currently love someone?

It’s unrequited and complicated so I just say no usually.

Do you want a relationship?

Not right now. In the future, yes.

How long was your longest relationship?

Over 2 years.

How long does it take for you to know you love someone?

Not long.

Is it special to you if your s/o meets your parents?

Depends on the situation. Like for my exes it wasn’t but if I started dating someone in Tennessee it would be different cause my parents live 500+ miles away.

Do you watch Game of Thrones?

I’ve watched parts of it.

Have you ever been to Michigan?

Lived here for most of the 22 years I’ve been alive.

Have you ever went on a road trip with a boyfriend?

Nick and I drove back to Michigan once but we were mad at each other the whole time so there's that.

Do you support abortion?

I have no say over what someone else does with their body.

Are you an extrovert or an introvert?

Introvert hardore.

Glitter or feathers?

GLITTER

Daisies or buttercups?

Daisies

Have you ever self harmed?

Yes.

Are you more rational or emotional?

Emotional lmao.

What’s something you love to do but feel guilty about after/during?

Inevitably someone makes me feel bad every time I have sex with someone I’m not dating. 

Have you ever had sex with someone you weren’t dating (but had feelings for) in the hopes that they would ask you out later?

Lol, not for that reason, although I would love it if he did ask me out.

Do you ever turn your phone off because you don’t want to talk?

The only time I ever did that was after Ashlyn died because I was mad at Nick because he wouldn’t stop playing video games with his friends to come over.

Have you ever been to a gay pride parade?

Not a parade but I went to the pride festival in DC this past weekend.

Would you take your dream job if it were out of the country?

More than likely. I’m in a position where I could right now.

What is your zodiac sign?

Libra

What do you like to do when you’re home alone?

Sing very loudly.

Should the guy always pay for the date?

No. I’m hella independent and most of the time I hate when other people pay for shit.

What kind of music calms you down?

Most music calms me down.

Who did you last go to a park with?

I went walking on a path/river thing with sunshine this past weekend. It’s not really a park but like idk?

Have you ever been robbed?

My iPod got stolen when I was like 12.

When was the last time you were on an airplane?

Last week.

Are you currently crushing on someone? 

Yeah.

Do you think your crush likes you back?

I actually don’t know how he feels? I know he liked me at one time and then a thing happened and we accepted that we couldn’t actually be together but then we were together and it felt really right and I don’t know how he feels now.

Is anyone currently crushing on you?

Other than him probably not.

Have you ever been in a long term relationship? 

Yes two.

Have you ever been asked out? 

Yes.

Have you ever asked someone out? 

I've pushed someone to ask me out but that’s the closest.

Have you ever kissed your crush? 

Yes.

Has your crush ever kissed you? 

Yes. 

Are you more of a flirt or a hopeless romantic? 

Both

Do you have a crush on the person you last kissed?

Yes.

Have you ever confessed your feelings knowing they were unrequited? 

Lol story of my life.

If the person you like/love was with you right now, what would you say/do?

Um we would probably be cuddling and talking or kissing honestly. 

Have you ever broken up with someone? 

Yes.

Have you ever been broken up with? 

Not officially. Only for a break and then he begged for me to take him back.

Do you like cuddling? 

I LOVE IT

Have you ever had romantic feelings for a best friend?

That’s usually how it works for me.

Tell me about your crush:

Hair color? 

Brown

Eye color? 

Brown or green(? I’m pretty sure they’re brown and I suck I know)

Age?

We’re the same age but he will not tell me his birthday so

Build? 

He’s a little bit taller than me, he’s not scrawny but he’s not big either, like the perfect dad bod.

Clothing style? 

He barely has any clothes. He wears like jeans and t shirts and shorts he can find on sale basically. 

Stereotype? 

He's a TOTAL nerd and I’m so into it.

Hobbies? 

Computer stuff. He likes techy stuff and board games.

Are they your type? 

I don’t really have a type. He's got a killer personality and he’s SO sweet and charming and that’s what gets me. 

When did you started liking them? 

Like January I think?

Do you talk to him/her everyday? 

Not everyday.

Do you talk about them to your friends? 

Yes Colby lets me talk about him all the time.

Do you like hearing their voice? 

Yeah, it’s nice.

Do you like receiving text messages from them?

Um, yeah? That seems like a weird question.

Do you like their laugh/giggles? 

His laugh is adorable. 

When you see them, are you shy? 

NO he makes me feel so comfortable. I’ve never felt so comfortable around someone I wasn’t dating.

One day will you be with him/her?

Honestly, probably not but maybe?

Do you get jealous when he/she talks to the opposite sex? 

No. This is weird, but we actually encourage each other to get out there and be with other people since we really can’t have each other and we’ve accepted that.

Will you wait for him/her, to be yours?

I honestly don't want anything right now, so I’m willing to wait for now. Once I’m settled and know what I want in life I’ll move on if were still not together. 

Are they more shy or outgoing?  

He's outgoing

Y'all have the same group of friends?

No 

Does your crush smell nice?  

I mean, yeah. He doesn’t wear cologne or body spray or anything but his normal human smell was nice?

Does your crush have a nice smile?

That goofy smile tho (yes).

Are they kind to you?  

Yes he is SO sweet it hurts.

Are y'all considered friends or acquaintances?  

We’re friends. 

When’s the last time you saw them?

Saturday.

Do you have their phone number?  

Yeah but we usually talk through snapchat.

Is your crush talkative or more of a listener?

He's a talker but he’s a good listener too.   

Can they speak more than one language?  

90% sure he can speak at least some German. 

Where did y'all meet?  

Work.

Do they live close to you?  

No. He's literally over 500 miles away.

Have you ever been to their house? How about their bedroom?

Yes and yes.

Do you even vaguely believe your crush is interested in you? 

I answered this earlier. It’s complicated.  

If given the chance, would you have sex with them?

Yes.

Have you ever hugged or kissed your crush?  

Yes.

Ever seen em naked? Do you wanna?  

I have, and I wouldn’t say no to doing it again.

Does your crush have long hair?  

No it’s super short.

Do you think you’ll lose contact with your crush within 5 years?

I hope not but maybe.

Is your crush more naughty or good/innocent?  

He can be both.

Is your crush gay/straight/bisexual/transgender?  

When I asked him he said “bi-ish” so 

Is your crush a freak? Sexually speaking…

I’d call it adventurous and experienced.

Is your crush a virgin?  

No.

Do they have any pets?

No. 

Do they have a job? If so, where do they work?

Yes he has a job at a company which I’m not going to name. 

Do you know if they have an STD or not?

If he does he hasn’t told me, and it’s kind of common courtesy to tell someone you have an STD if you sleep with them sooooo   

What kind of music are they into?  

Um, rock probably? He also likes musicals so there’s that. 

Their fave color? If you don’t know just guess

His favorite color is blue (even though he’s blue/green colorblind). 

How long have you known em?  

Less than a year.

Their fave type of food? Guess if you don’t know

I don’t know but probably like burgers cause he tried to take me to a bar for food. 

When will you see your crush again?

Quite possibly never which is literally awful to think about. Hopefully sometime in the future.

Is your crush extremely confident?

He’s pretty confident.

What’s ultimately stopping you from making them yours?

Distance.

[marvelbuilt]

you guys are going to think im a hoe but im gonna list the potential boys in my life. also just like so you dont think im really slutty?? i have never gone the entire way with any of these dates.

andrew - my ex lmao. okay so this is like lowkey never gonna happen but we still see each other and talk and like we have a kitten together so like it’s having a kid lite so we still see each other and the boy he left me for in january after 2 years, broke up with him in a month and we hug and they’re lingering hugs? but again like prolly never gonna happen bc he’s a DISASTER and hooks up with everyone.

dylan - okay lowkey this kid would have probably been my first choice? we started talking and kind of stopped for some reason and then i saw him on grindr when i was home bc he lives closer to my hometown than my school but anyways we’re both like relationship oriented and like our first date went so well?? like he had told me prior to coming that he wasn’t ready for a relationship and i was like okay well i mean im probably not either bc it was kind of like a month or two after andrew but he BOUGHT ME FLOWERS??? and i cooked him dinner and we like cuddled and made out and stuff and it was so nice. he’s part of that school that did 13 reasons why not and he like goes to suicide prevention conferences and he’s going to be going to a different university than me but it’s like technically better than mine and he’s so smart?? and our second date was good as well and idk? i like him so much and we snapchat everyday. but he stopped calling me cutie? and i still call him that and sometimes he calls me “b” but iDEK like i think he’s probably talking to other boys or something and he always avoids when i ask if we can hangout again but hes always working now so idk.

andrew - okay this is another andrew and he lives in the town next to mine and he works at the capital of my state and he like studied political science and our politics are very similar and we are just similar in general. his parents are trump supporters so that’s yikes. also he’s not out to his family at all WONDER WHY and he’s very?? like he plays soccer ALL THE TIME. anyways aside from that, our personalities are very similar and we hung out like 4 times in a row and idk? he’s kinda cheap ngl, but i can’t blame him too much bc we are young still. but anyways all the dates went well and it seemed like we were really into each other. then i had finals so i was like yo i cant hang out until theyre over. and then the week after, i got sick so i didnt want to hang out and then like he was playing soccer all the time? and then he got sick? and now like? ugh he’s the worst texter and i texted him and asked him i did something wrong or anything and he was like no of course not im just busy and soccer and then he did say anything else? like jfc i dont want to do all the chasing so i just havent texted him in like a week or 2 and so i dont even know? like everything was fine but he’s such a boy when it comes to texting i fucking cant

patrick - okay this kid omfg probably never going to happen but i just want to talk about it. so this kid is in my program at school and so we started talking bc grindr and we matched on tinder and he’s cute and really smart. so anyways, the weird thing was that i literally never met the kid and he’s in the same residential college as me and like we’re in the same grade? so ODD right? well anyways i tried to schedule a date about 800 fucking times and he cancelled so many times omfg. like constantly cancelling. and he was really sweet to me and stuff over messaging. so school FINALLY ends and im like okay maybe NOW we can have a date. he cancelled a couple more times and FINALLY he’s like okay sure. so he picked me up from work, which was lowkey nice, but then we went to starbucks and he like?? spent most of the date not understanding why anyone would major in my major and how international relations and arabic are the most important majors and how he’s going to get such a good job and like he doesn’t understand why some things need to be equal and he’s like “ive never voted republican but” and im just like jfc i cant handle you insulting my major. but outside of my major, he was nice enough i guess? he’s hot so there’s that but he then just dropped me off and now he’s in jordan until like august and he’s like “yeah i’ll hit you up when i get back so we can hang out again” LIKE LMAO DONT FUCKING LIE. and he like didn’t respond to my message about adding him on social media after the date so lol this kid is like whatever

skyler - okay skyler was the date i had last night and i just met him last night? and omfg i dont think ive ever met someone more different from me that was still gay? okay so this kid is my age, but he goes to the community college, so i hadn’t met him until just recently. so he’s like? nice af. he’s half-mexican, half-white (this comes into play later) and from a small town. but omfg, we got lots to discuss. so he openly considers himself conservative. said that “if i could choose to be straight, i would be”, said quote “i dont believe in pride parades and i dont fuck with blm” AND IM STRAIGHT CRINGEING and like? i presented my arguments in a civil manner im so proud of myself for not popping off but like he listened and everything but i dont think i changed his mind at all because lol the hardest thing to do ever. anyways, super sweet to me, and very relationship oriented. he gave me a hickey last night whoops luckily it’s on my collarbone so people wont see it. but anyways im really worried that he’s moving too fast at this point? and he like is SO different like he called himself “a manly gay” and im just like fuck off honestly bc that’s so not me and THATS OKAY TO NOT BE A MANLY GAY. and he said he agreed. some of my friends think that maybe i can “educate him” or change his mind. but idk guys this might just be a little too different and im really worried that he mightve voted trump or something and im sorry but i let shit like that ruin relationships bc politics?? it’s my world and i just cant handle people who dont study what i study telling me im wrong about stuff i study? and like if you’re a half-mexican gay man idk how you can be conservative but go off sis be a tree for deforestation. but anyways NOW HE’S TEXTING ME ABOUT A SECOND DATE AND ASKED IF I WOULD GO TO A CLUB? WHICH IS SO NOT MY SCENE. ugh he’s super sweet to me personally but i just think we might just be too different.

SO BASICALLY BOYS ARE JUST SO FUCKED AND I AM JUST LIKE WHAT DO I DO HONESTLY LIKE THE BOYS I LIKE? DONT LIKE ME OR ARE FLAKY AF OR THEY’RE SO DIFFERENT COMPARED TO ME AND I JUST DONT KNOW HOW DIFFERENT I CAN HANDLE PLEASE HELP ME

also i know someones gonna be like “YOU AINT NEED NO MAN” you’re right karen i dont but dating is lowkey fun but now im just conflicted about all of these things i could scream. like i am just getting back out there and seeing where things go and i really dont see what’s wrong with that

[lunarimagines]

EXCUSES, EXCUSES...

anon said : haechan fluff where he’s on the baseball team and like he catches a ball that was about to hit you with his bare hands and you have to help him around for the week until his hand heals and at the end he like ?? confesses to you ?? :> I just really need some haechan fluff pls

Summary: After hurting his hand to save you from a baseball flying directly at your head, Haechan finds numerous excuses to spend time with you so that you can quote-unquote “make it up to him”…

Warnings: A disgusting amount of fluff bc I love Haechan and listened to “My First and Last” while I was writing this…

Genre: Fluff!

Word Count: 3.6k+

There were definite pros and cons to being part of the yearbook club. A pro would be that you were given the opportunity to take photos. Taking photos may very well have been your favorite thing to do. A con would be that you had to take photos of the baseball team… including the team’s heartthrob.

It was no secret that Haechan was the most handsome boy on the team. It was also no secret that he was the best first baseman the team had. Every time you looked over at him as the team ran drills you couldn’t help but blush. His movements were smooth and strong and you could have sworn you’d never seen anybody throw a baseball as fast as Haechan.

“So you need photos of the team? Do you want action shots or individual shots?” the head coach asked, his attention only half on you as you stood beside him trying to get permission to interrupt the team’s practice.

“Well-”

“Hey! Pick it up right field! Do you wanna be part of the starting lineup or not!” the coach barked, cutting you off.

You stood up straighter, doing your best to seem important.

“Well actually, I need to do at least two interviews with members of the team as well as take some photos of them. Action shots are preferred,” you said, adjusting the camera strap that had been digging into your neck.

The coach nodded, still not entirely paying attention. You took his nod as an okay to do what you needed to do and walked towards home plate, hoping to get photos of the player’s faces. Your heart was beating faster than normal. Being around Haechan had that annoying effect on you.

You grumbled underneath your breath as the coaches continually ran in front of your shots. If you got one more shot of a coaches calves- or God forbid their butt- you were going to scream. However, you did manage to get over fourty good shots amidst all of the chaos. Most of them were of Haechan admittedly, but you did manage to get quite a few good shots of the other members on the team. For some reason, though, your eyes kept being drawn back to Haechan as he ran through drills, his face emotionless as he concentrated on fielding the ball and throwing it to his teammate on third.

You scrolled through the photos you’d taken of the team and were satisfied with them. The team photo would be sent to you later by the coaches… at least you hoped it would be. In your opinion they weren’t very reliable on things not directly baseball related.

You noticed the team was taking a much needed water break and figured that it was as good a time as any to do an interview or two. You started with the pitcher although you found he was possibly the most boring person on the planet. However, you finished the interview with him and scoured the field for your next victim. Unsurprisingly, your eyes landed on Haechan.

He was the star player so it wouldn’t be weird for you to interview him right? You were only completing the task you were assigned so it wouldn’t be a big deal right? Yeah. Why on Earth were you overthinking this?

You fixed your posture as you’d found that you’d begun to slouch during your interview with the pitcher. He was just THAT boring. Walking over to Haechan, you were nearly standing on top of him before he noticed you. He looked up, his brown eyes sparkling in amusement and mischief.

“What can I help you with?” he asked, eyeing the camera around your neck.

“I just wondered if I could ask you a few questions for the yearbook,” you replied, opening up your notebook and sliding your pencil out of the rings of the notebook in the process.

Haechan nodded and gave you his full attention, his index fingers hooked through the belt loops on his baseball pants.

You began asking the standard questions: How long have you been playing baseball? What’s your favorite position to play? Why did you choose to join the school’s baseball team? Haechan answered all of them honestly, laughing as he recounted his horrible tryout experience. He was about to say something else when he looked above your head slightly, his eyes widening. His hand shot up and he yelled something- maybe “heads!”- so you instinctively ducked. You heard a sickening slap and straightened up as Haechan pulled his hand down, a ball clasped firmly in it.

He dropped the ball to reveal a bruised palm and quite possibly a broken thumb. His thumb was swollen and turning a light shade of green- the kind of green that looks good on tree leaves and not on somebody’s hand- and the bones were not quite in line with each other. At the very least it was dislocated.

Haechan breathed out a quiet “ahh” filled to the brim with pain. At least it wasn’t a scream which you supposed was a good sign.

Coaches were already running towards him. You were nearly pushed over in their rush to reach him. They surrounded him and his teammates soon found their ways over to him. You had a sick feeling and your head was spinning. YOU’D done that to him. You hadn’t been paying enough attention and he’d gotten hurt because of you.

You tried to lightly elbow your way through the crowd to see him, your breathing faster than normal in anticipation of what you might hear or see. You could hear Haechan’s voice, but you couldn’t make out what he was saying. The crowd thinned in time for you to see a coach fix Haechan’s dislocated finger. His face had gone ashy and he looked ready to collapse. Just watching the coach pop the finger back into place had made you want to vomit, you couldn’t even imagine how much worse it felt.

“Can I- can I help? It’s my fault oh my God I’m so sorry,” you whispered once you’d gotten closer to Haechan.

He looked up at you, the brim of his hat shading most of his face.

“Take me to the clinic for some ice please.”

You nodded, walking beside him as the two of you left the baseball diamond and walked quickly towards the clinic. You weren’t really sure why he needed you to walk him to clinic- surely he knew where it was and, well, it wasn’t like he’d hurt a leg- but nonetheless you obediently walked beside him in silence, into the school and then into the clinic where you were relieved to see the nurse still sitting behind her desk. She took one look at Haechan’s finger and went to retrieve the ice, asking him his name and what had happened. Her all-business attitude made you feel better and you saw Haechan relax as she handed him the ice.

The two of you walked back outside to sit on the bleachers by the baseball diamond. Practice was continuing as normal. Haechan was silent as he iced his finger.

“Is there- is there anything I can do to make it up to you?” you asked quietly, not taking your eyes off of the baseball team’s practice.

Haechan let out a deep sigh.

“You should take care of my hand. You know, carry my stuff and check on it. You are the reason I hurt it after all…” he said, adjusting his ice bag.

You finally looked over at him.

“You have another hand,” you pointed out.

He rolled his eyes.

“Yeah but the hand I hurt is my dominant hand!” he complained.

You sighed in defeat. Even he had admitted that you were the reason he was hurt.

“Fine. You should really go to the hospital. Your thumb might be broken,” you said before standing up and dusting your uniform jacket off.

You picked up your notebook and hopped down from the bleachers. You could feel Haechan’s stare burning a hole in your back.

“Meet me in front of the school tomorrow at seven!” he called as you walked away.

“You’re late,” he stated.

“By like… three seconds,” you replied, hitching your backpack higher up on your shoulder.

Haechan didn’t reply. He simply handed you his backpack. You noticed the hand he had hurt was wrapped in a brace that supported his thumb and you felt a pang of guilt. Feeling defeated and embarrassed, you grabbed his backpack from him and slung it over your other shoulder. You followed him up the front steps and into the school.

“How long will you have to wear that?” you asked, gesturing to his brace.

He shrugged.

“Two weeks at least. But it may be another three weeks before I can even play again.”

You dropped your gaze to the floor.

“It’s okay,” he said, surprising you. “It’s only the beginning of the season. The season only gets better as it progresses. If there’s any quote-unquote “good” time to get hurt, it’s at the beginning of the season.”

You weren’t really sure of his reasoning. You could tell he was trying to make not only you feel better but also himself.

You let out a deep sigh.

“Heachan I’m so sorry, really I-”

“It’s fine Y/N. This is my class. Don’t be late to yours. I don’t want to hear you complaining about being late because you were helping me,” he said, shooing you away.

You looked at the clock on the wall and realized you only had three minutes to get to your class which was on the other side of the school.

“Oh my God, okay um well I’ll meet you here after class… bye,” you said hurriedly before speed walking away. If there was one class you couldn’t be even a second late to, it was this class.

Haechan watched you walk away. He hated to admit it, but the real reason he’d insisted on you helping him wasn’t to make up for hurting him. He’d made a conscious choice to save you even though he knew it would hurt him. The real reason he’d insisted you help him was so that he could maybe ask you out on a date. He’d seen you around the school often and he’d had maybe one class with you- did P.E. count as a having a class with you?- yet he didn’t really know you. All he knew was that you were adorable and made his heart beat faster than it was supposed to. You also made his hands feel clammy, but he was insistent that his hands were clammy because it was always so hot in the school.

“Who’s that?” Mark asked as Haechan plopped down in the seat beside him.

Jaemin and Jeno leaned forward, ready to hear the gossip, and beside Mark, Renjun stopped doodling in order to give his full attention to the conversation.

Haechan hesitated. Did he really want to out his crush to two big mouths, a boy who was too honest for his own good, and a boy who was always looking for more blackmail? The answer was apparently yes as he began spilling everything to them.

“That’s Y/N- the one I told you about last night with the whole hand thing right?- and umm, I kind of convinced Y/N to do things for me so that we could spend more time together. Is that weird?”

“Awww you have a crush on Y/N!” Jaemin cooed, leaning forwards to ruffle Haechan’s hair, a move he knew would annoy the boy.

Haechan pushed his hand away, grumbling about how he would never tell any of them anything ever again.

“Hey, it’s cute!” Mark said, leaning back in his seat.

“Yeah,” Renjun chimed in. “Although, I have to admit, I thought you were gonna say something about dating Y/N. The way you were looking at her as she walked away…”

“Shut up Renjun,” Haechan mumbled, his cheeks heating up.

“What tactic are you going to use to get her to like you?” Jeno asked, his eyebrows raised in amusement.

“Well, I bet he was going to lightly bully Y/N until he finally confesses that the reason he was doing so was because he actually love-”

“NO!” Haechan practically yelled, calling to himself the attention of nearly all of this other classmates.

“No!” he repeated, quieter this time. “I was going to get to know her better and then maybe ask her on a date as a repayment for putting up with helping me… Now that I say it out loud it sounds a lot stupider.”

He slumped down in his chair. Mark patted his shoulder affectionately.

“Hey, I’m sure it’ll all work out.”

“I sure hope so,” Haechan mumbled under his breath as class started.

“Why do you want to watch the team practice if you can’t play?” you questioned.

You and Haechan were currently sitting side-by-side on the bleachers overlooking the baseball diamond as the team practiced.

“It’s called being supportive. You know, like how you’re being supportive of me right now?”

“You would look a lot better down there practicing with them,” you mumbled, another pang of guilt rushing through you.

Haechan looked at you, a look of pretend hurt on his face.

“Do I not look good enough sitting up here on the bleachers?” he asked before striking a pose.

You snorted as you watched him switch poses before outright giggling. He looked ridiculous… ridiculously cute that is.

He broke out into a smile upon hearing your laugh. He could listen to you laugh for the rest of his life, he was sure of it. Maybe to other people it was less than attractive, but to him, it was the best sound he had ever heard in his entire life. You were really turning him into the lead in a romantic drama.

He settled back into his spot on the metal bleachers, already incredibly uncomfortable from sitting on them. Leaning back, he placed his elbows on the seat behind him and closed his eyes.

“You know what I should be doing right now?” he asked.

You hummed in response.

“Homework.”

You snorted.

“Yeah you probably should and so should I,” you said, grabbing your backpack.

“Hey!” he said, suddenly sitting upright and grabbing onto your wrist with his good hand. “That doesn’t mean I want to do homework. Can’t we just sit here and, like, talk?”

You nodded making eye contact with him and looking directly away. Had you really never taken note on how beautiful his eyes were?

“I’m actually glad you said that. I don’t want to do homework either.”

You leaned back to mirror Haechan’s position, finding it much more comfortable than your original position. The two of you sat like that until practice ended, talking about school and friends and teachers and hobbies and, well, everything. You found you were disappointed when practice ended and you had to bid goodbye to Haechan.

“Sit with me at lunch today,” Haechan said as you met outside of his third period classroom.

It had been a week and half since- you?- Haechan had hurt his hand. It had also been a week since you began spending a majority of your time with him before, during, and after school. Everyday, the two of you parted ways at lunch time only to reconvene afterwards. You supposed it made sense for the two of you to eat lunch together.

“Okay, yeah, that sounds good,” you said, getting into the lunch line.

“Good, I needed somebody to carry my food for me,” Haechan joked.

You bumped his shoulder lightly. Even though he said he was going to make you do everything for him, he really hadn’t made you do much for him besides carrying his backpack and spending time with him. He had given you a good reason for carrying his backpack…

You thought back to his reasoning.

“What if I fell and was too busy holding onto my backpack with my good hand and had to catch myself with my injured hand!” he’d complained as he’d handed you his backpack.

The more you had thought about it, the more it would really suck if he hurt his hand more because of you. So, you’d complied to carrying his backpack.

He lead you over to his table where his friends were already waiting for him. When they saw you trailing behind Haechan, they immediately shoved their backpacks under the table to make more room for you.

“Hey Haechan! And Y/N… right?” one of the boys asked.

His smile was bright and genuine.

You nodded, sitting down at the end of the table beside Haechan.

“I’m Mark and this is Renjun, Jeno, and Jaemin. I don’t know where the other two are,” Mark said, peering through the crowded lunch room.

You smiled at all of the boys, noting how Jaemin was looking at you with a mischievous grin plastered on his face.

“Haechan’s told us so much about you it feels like we’ve known you forever,” Jaemin said slyly, ducking as Haechan threw an apple at his head.

“Yeah I don’t know how much more you can tell us about yourself,” Jeno added, ducking as Haechan reached towards the apple on your plate.

You were flattered that Haechan talked about you so often. In all honesty, you probably talked about him as much as he talked about you. You really liked Haechan, from his bad jokes to his adorable laugh to his overall enthusiasm towards things he was passionate about.

“Sorry we’re late, Chenle almost fell down the stairs,” a voice from behind you said.

You swivelled slightly in your seat to see two more boys approaching. You made eye contact with one of them whose mouth dropped open.

“Wait! Is this Y/N? The one Haechan ha-”

He was cut off by Mark, Renjun, Jaemin, Jeno, and Haechan all throwing stuff at him. The boy beside him snickered before turning to you.

“I’m Chenle and that’s Jisung,” he introduced, elbowing Jisung in the ribs lightly to get him to sit down.

You heard Jisung mumble something about “she’s really as cute as you said she was” before Jaemin was engaging you in conversation and asking you your account of what happened when Haechan was injured. You turned your attention to him as you recounted what had happened. However, you did note the blush that spread across Haechan’s neck at Jisung’s words.

“Really! He just reached up and caught the ball as it was flying towards my head. I could have gotten a concussion if he hadn’t caught it!” you exclaimed as Jaemin laughed in disbelief.

“Are you sure we aren’t in a drama?” he joked, pretending to look around for cameras.

“Turns out there are people like that in the real world,” you replied.

“Did you hear that Haechan?” Jaemin asked, sending a wink his way.

“So does that make you the female love interest?” Haechan asked, only half joking.

You blushed deeply, annoyed that his words had made butterflies swarm in your stomach and and your heart beat faster. What you didn’t know what that Haechan’s own words had made his palms clammy and his head light. Had he overstepped? “I guess so. When do you want to confess your undying love for me? I’m free after school?” you joked, also only half kidding before dropping the subject.

Haechan didn’t reply. Was this his chance to finally confess to you? You wouldn’t joke like that if you didn’t like him… right?

“I was kind of joking when I asked you if you wanted to confess to me after school,” you mumbled as Haechan led you to the bleachers, his hand clasped tightly in yours.

“Too bad, so sad. I didn’t take it as a joke,” Haechan said and he climbed up to your usual spot, dragging you up the bleachers behind him.

Your heart was racing and your felt light. You were a little relieved he hadn’t taken it as a joke. Was this what love felt like? “Okay,” Haechan said, turning to face you. “Okay..”

“Okay, well I love how you laugh and how you smile and when you make dumb jokes that I actually think are really good. I don’t regret any of the time we’ve spent together, I just wish fate had brought us together under different circumstances, you know like I wish I was a star at baseball and you were cheering in the crowd and I made a play that allowed us to win the game and you confessed your undying love for me and I told you that I loved you too and that we should go out buuuut, since that didn’t happen… I’m glad that you’re giving me a chance to tell you how I feel because I really like you- like, it’s gross how much I like you- and I would love if you’d go out on a date with me and cheer for me in the bleachers during games and let me, I don’t know, I guess show you off and stuff and-”

You could feel the smile growing on your face as he rambled on and before you could stop yourself you were leaning forward to plant a soft kiss on his cheek. His speech stopped dead in its tracks as he took in the moment. You pulled away, still smiling.

“I would love to go on a date with you Haechan. I, uh- how do you say it?- feel the same way about you.”

It was Haechan’s turn to smile, his nose scrunching slightly.

“Good- oh my God I was so scared whoo glad that’s over- I’ll meet you after school tomorrow and take you somewhere. Don’t bother asking Jisung where, I’m not telling him so that it’ll be a total surprise.”

And with that, he hopped down off the bleachers and sent you a wink as he walked towards the school, already planning the date with you in his head.

[severalbakuras]

and now let’s finish season 4!

long post warning!

episode four:

i’m telling you i just don’t trust those nier-qiraji looking spire temple things. if they’re trying to spin this as the heartland of all good things it’s not working it just looks eerie. doesn’t help that there’s not a lot of aliens running around doing normal living stuff so it looks dead too.

god there sure is a lot of interesting action happening off-screen thanks for the info firo. sure is a lot of planets keith’s helping to liberate that y’all apparently aren’t because of ~parades~

i’m getting the feeling this episode won’t have anything actually mattering happening so there’s a non-zero chance i’ll end up skipping.

ok yeah jumping around there’s a dude bitching about them not being there on time and ice skating and then “~lover boy lance~!” and there’s no action scenes or cuts to the real zarkon or anything so i don’t think i’m going to miss much skipping this one lol

might watch it for real some other time i do like coran and his coranigans but his comic moments are best in small doses rather than like the entire episode imo.

episode five:

didn’t they already have a map before?

ok so i was under the apparent mistaken impression that the galra had conquered a shitload of the universe, not a couple of galaxies. noice i can use this for the warcraft au to explain how the galra never ran into sargeras, the legion or the draenei. (that will likely never be more than scattered hcs lol).

matt’s in the furry squad i see. i’m gonna say... fox, or perhaps squirrel.

lotor’s leggy looking ships made me laugh idk why.

snippy lotor.

oooh dissension in the ranks acxa.

SHAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!

i can’t believe allura’s got a :I face on talking to Best Girl.

is that it for shay aww...

lotor i feel like you not explaining shit to your generals, while understandable given what happened with narti, is probably going to bite you in the ass like do you not trust them enough to know what’s going on or what.

related did you explain narti bc if you did it didn’t sound like you explained it to ezor very well before.

uh maybe stay away from the death planet of death?????

who’s this secret team?

lotor if you know enough about honerva’s experiments re quintessence that that’s what happened then you know what quintessence does to people who fuck with it.

if he crosses this barrier he’s gonna hit the hell-dimension where the voltron materia came from but he’s also going to hit the shit that killed daibazaal AND his parents. lotor. lotor are you sure about this.

iF ZETHRID GETS EATEN BY THE HELL-DIMENSION I SWEAR TO GOD LOTOR.

i can’t tell if that thing drifting off-screen is his ship or a bit of debris, it’s the only other thing moving in the shot but its colours are off.

but like it’s annoying enough with firo around i don’t need to worry about notor and zethraint coming back to acxa and ezor tyvm.

hey it’s those two! uh, three.

SHAAAAAAAAY

FUCK YEAH HUNK GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO

ok maybe hunk would survive LFR after all.

is that our first lady galra in charge of one of these things? i love her.

holy shit that wasn’t the voice i expected to come out of the dog-person. i swear to god they sounded just like dub honey in ouran.

there goes furry squad i guess.

that knifework keith!!!

that was a very visceral death squish noise, ick.

dropping the charred remains of the enemy ship on the enemy is a+ psychological warfare.

oh god those poor three galra. a normal day and then voltron lands on theHE FUCKING HOPS AWAY... I LOVE HIM...

oh fuck you show you skip the transformation, make them defuse and then immediately make them transform again AND IT’S THE FULL SEQUENCE.

this music’s surprisingly melancholic, i guess lotor’s more sad then mad his plan failed again.

see lotor i told you this would bite you in the ass.

wow the fps dropped like crazy for her walking animation was that meant to be viewed from further away than it was?

FOR NARTI OOOOOOOOH YOU FUCKED UP LOTOR this is why you explain things like ‘why i sliced our friend in half and left her cat behind’.

i like the shot of his eyes it’s like ‘god dammit really?!’

oh nice they captured galra lady alive.

zethrid actually seems kinda sad about this and so does loTOWHAT THE FUCK LOTOR!!!!!!!!

YOU PUT ZETHRID SOMEWHERE SAFE RIGHT NOW I SWEAR!!!

oh thank god.

are they gonna join the rebellion??? or just try and harvest the super quintessence on their own?

did the druids always slide around like they’ve all got heelies under those robes?

uh oh haggar had a cunning plan. this whole ‘never explaining shit to your allies’ gene is from both sides of the family i see.

episode six:

‘a new defender’ so we’re probably getting a new semi-permanent character on the squad for the next season noice.

MACROSS LASERS

another lady galra!!! she reminds me of toriel for some reason i think it’s the ear growths. feels like there’s a lot more variation on the appearances of the galra and the aliens in general this season i approve.

i wonder what keith’s mother looks/looked like.

oh so no wonder haggar is confident, zarkon’s off doing something entirely unrelated.

lotor how are you even moving your arms right now i know a guy who dislocated his shoulder. that shit hurts and keeps on hurting.

damn that’s depressing he’s just entirely alone in space. he doesn’t even have the comfort that firo did of having people to search for and people who’d care enough to try and find him for good reasons. he’s just hounded like an animal.

what is that... mass on cyberkon’s back? like there’s got to be something underneath that plating it can’t just be his neck orb. it’s giving me vibes like the thing in Inside  i don’t like it.

ok as much as i laugh at his leggie space ship lotor does manage to make it look damn graceful.

holy shit the texture on the sun. you know you’ve got a good lava/very hot thing texture if it makes you wanna stick your hand in just like with real lava.

i wonder if haggar’s magic is corrupted altean magic or something she’s learned as a zombie. i wonder if lotor could pull off altean magic, or something close to it? magical boy lotor.

does naxzela have a world soul???

for a second there that sphere looked like one of the resurrection seeds from drakengard ending B. that would be the most fucked up AU.

is the planet actually a giant robot????

oh fuck so is it turning itself into a neutron star?

it’s a bomb oh ok.

ten solar systems from one planet jesus.

VICTORY OR DEATH SPACE ORCS CONFIRMED (again)

go keith!!

lotor are you going where i think you’re going...............

............... i don’t want to be hopeful i’m almost always wrong...............

aww lance!!! it seems like he’s real good at team stuff so long as he’s inside the lions. weird.

i really like the spacy dust background here.

aaaaa coran ;A;

keith what’s with that look.

keith what did you just say.

KEITH WHAT ARE YOU DOING.

NONONONONONONONONONOONONONONONONONONONONOONOONNOONONOON

LOTOR DID YOU JUST

LOTOR DID YOU JUST

ok so overall not the strongest season but it had its good moments even if i was salty for a while.

i’m more hype for season 5 than i was for this half of the season i will say.

(also keitor has been shuffled from ‘entirely crack’ to ‘they will probably meet face to face at some point’.)

(so naturally now it’s my Everything especially with my ot4 gone and zethura still being crack as all hell. maybe with this new season the content will be less old-school deathshipping and more millennial deathshipping)

[richard-of-windoor]

naknaknakadile

Tell me about your ocs!!!!!!!

imagine. i launched myself through your window rn 

ive been having a lot of oc feelings lately but i also have a sort of writers block and i  w anna cry. im gonna do a read more tho bc im scared itll get really long. also i want my series to eventually be a video game s o some elements may sound very game like for that reason

okay!!! s o the setting is high fantasy so expect magic and fantasy races. i also rework a lot of things out of the blue but this is what theyre like right now

*last name subject to change one day maybe

Davorin Mors - vampire and necromancer. i still cant decide if i want vampires to have lived hundreds of years or regular human years s o his age rn is either 16 or 1698 (every hundred years equal one year for vamps). The Mors family is related to Agatha the goddess of death and ruler of the underworld which is how Dav got his powers bc vampires sometimes dont have magic. Davorin’s older brother Vladimir is very upset Dav got powers instead of him which causes a lot of tension between them. 

Davorin is quiet and observant but can also end up being very reckless. he was forced into being a sort of servant to Agatha bc she feels he owes her for giving him powers that he didnt even ask for. so he is very very jumpy around her bc shes a god so. very powerful. Davorin still doesnt have great control over his powers bc necromancy is the darkest magic and even with being a vampire one wrong spell could kill him so he has to hold back  a lot (which is also sort of an excuse for him not to be too overpowered in the series). as a vampire he used to be okay with sucking blood from people bc it was what all vamps did, but he feels disgusted with his past self and refuses to drink blood from unwilling people now. he almost always wears an enchanted coat (it grows with him so it always fits) into battle that his uncle gave him before he was killed. he uses a scythe mainly but likes to use knives/daggers. i love him dearly. 

Vince Solastice* - vampire and bard. comes from a long long line of bards so music is literally in his veins. 15. he loves being center of attention and loves the stage. hes sort of the yin to davorin’s yang while Dav is very quiet, Vince is very loud. he was born with albinism so he grew up bullied for it in school. he ended up dying his hair and wearing colored contacts for a long time. he puts on a very confidant, tough act but hes actually kinda insecure. hes very good at hiding it tho bc not even Davorin has picked up on it yet. he picks a lot of fights in school bc people accuse him of stealing their boyfriends a lot. hes very flirty and loves making others flustered. he loves teasing others esp nate bc nate gets super riled up. hes flamboyant and pretty open about his sexuality (which flusters Nate a lot who Vince calls a prude).

he sometimes works with Dav to do stuff for Agatha but she really hates him. shes snapped his wrist before but he’ll do anything to help Dav. he wants to get Dav away from her but doesnt know how. 

he was born and raised in France, but then moved to Romania and then to California. the Solastice and Mors family are good friends which is how Dav and Vince met. ive been playing around with the idea of giving him older sisters but as of now hes an only child.

Nate Ryder - human and wizard (dont have a term for his magic yet). 14. a young boy who grew up in a village that was filled with ancient magic and culture. but then the Serpents attacked them. 

the Serpent King is an evil king basically. i need to work on him more.

anyways the Serpents took Blake and Nate and pillaged and destroyed the village. Blake and Nate were made to become servants to the Serpent king. Nate is more heavily focused on magic and uses a staff. his magic and combat was taught by other Serpents so its going to be better than others. the Serpent castle also had a huge library of (stolen) books so Nate knows a lot about history and cultures. since he was very young when he was taken he doesnt remember much of his own, he cant even recall his parents faces. eventually Blake and Nate escaped (they realized just how cruel it is and what they were doing) the Serpent castle and run as far away as they can. after that they dedicated their lives to helping others. they know they cant fix what theyve done but they can at least work towards redemption. the big problem is that they were both branded when they were brought to the castle. so they have a big white serpent going along their arm (left for nate, right for blake) and people easily recognize it so they dont get treated that greatly.

Nate is very stubborn and aims towards perfection. hes a believer of “if you want something right do it yourself”. due to the way he was raised he was forced to grow up fairly quickly so hes mature for his age so to speak. but he does have moments of childlike behavior which pleases blake a lot. Nate is also very tactical and wants to always have control of a battle (which is why he clashes with Dav’s reckless behavior). hes esp protective of Blake in battle since hes the only family he has left. hes willing to lose a battle for Blake’s sake. he has a lot of issues with trusting others and looks down on friendship. i always wanted to have Nate be THE character who changes the most overtime. while i want everyone to have development i want nate to grow the most for some reason

Blake Ryder - human, half dragon, and fighter. 18. Nate’s older brother. same backstory as above but instead of focusing on magic when he was younger Blake focused more on combat. a master with the swords. a slightly different aspect of his backstory was that the Serpents experimented on him when he was younger. (tell me if this sounds dumb btw) they put dragon DNA into him which caused him to become half dragon. he still has no idea how to control it or what he can even do, but he does know he has to keep it a secret (except from Nate). he appears fully human s o nothing does ticks anyone off. he does have a bad habit of smoking bc he says he needs to feel some sort of fire in his lungs to feel right (Nate refuses to believe him and hates the habit). he does eventually learn how to use his powers but theyre obv much less powerful than a real dragons (which have been extinct for a long ass time. also another way to not make him op).

he doesnt talk much. Nate does the talking for the both of them. when he does talk though, hes very calm and patient. unless its concerning Nate. since they dont have parents his become Nate’s in a way. reprimanding him when he gets to hot headed, making sure hes taken care of himself, etc. he also didnt get to have much of a childhood but he just wishes Nate could have one. like Nate he also has a very tactful mind and aims for the best solution to victory so the two work extremely well together. 

Kristen Masuda* - human, fighter. an upbeat, energetic transgirl. 16. wants the best for everyone and wants everyone to get along!!! loves her friends and would do anything for them!! fun fact: was the second oc i ever made!!!

growing up her mom taught her that teamwork is the recipe for success so tries her ultimate best to work well with others. can be naive and easily  trusting which puts the team at risk from time to time. she gets very upset after these times and feels she isnt a good leader at all for her team and shes just going to lead her friends into danger. 

shes been trained in close combat so mainly uses swords. she can use magic but i havent decided what her magic should mainly be. i think what ill have her do is enchant her sword.

she gets upsets during friend fights and tries to patch them up. she gets told that she should let them patch things up but she just cant stand seeing her friends fight and be mad at each other.

Valerie Perxina* - fairy, fighter, and magic user. 16. loves fashion and always looks her best. she thinks of every day as a new fashion show. she fights with Nate and Vince mostly for that reason as shes self titled herself the prettiest of the group

she grew up in the forest with other fairies as is the usual. but she hated them all and was considered weird for wanting to explore the outside world. she eventually got fed up and left in the night. she hasnt gone back since. shes extremely edgy around other fairies for that reason and doesnt like them. she met Kristen one day while looking for a place to settle and the two became quick friends

she knows what she wants and prefers it when things go her way. she questions anyone since Kristen is so easily trusting with people. Valerie’s sharp tongue can get the group in a lot of trouble. also wont tolerate anyone who sees her as just a pretty face. 

she uses a cutlass for close combat and magic for distance. i havent been able to think of a lot of fairy magic so as of right now its not much.

Luke (no last name yet :( ) - element (ice), magic user. 15. a happy boy who loves cracking jokes and making the mood lift!!! 

quick explanation of the (probably dumb) element thing: basically a person who is made of a certain element. in Luke’s case his body is made of ice and he has ice powers. so his body is always freezing and he loves the cold more than anything. 

anyways!! Luke grew up in a village in the snowy mountains with other ice elements but he never found himself becoming long term friends with anyone. so he left to go on his own. he later found Max and the two found Valerie and Kristen and the four became fast friends. Luke is the youngest of the group so hes the most immature and doesnt like it super serious long meetings. he does know of course when to act serious but he just likes making people happy esp Nate who he feels is always serious and unhappy. 

he can use ice powers and walk on water by turning it to ice. he can also breath underwater (due to the fact that hes sort of made of water) so underwater quests are up to him. his preferred weapon is an ice sword he creates.

his original concept had him and max growing up in britain so they have english accents and you can pry that concept from my cold dead hands. their accents are strong

Max Ignis****** (I know dumb last name so its def getting changed) - element (fire), magic user. 18. laid back and just wants to play guitar. if only he would stop burning his strings :(

grew up near a volcano with little population. so he mostly grew up alone. he met Luke (who was wandering aimlessly around the world) and decided to join him. he likes relaxing and when things are calm but his temper can fire up sometimes. he doesnt like fighting and will try to keep things peaceful if able. but hes ready to protect someone when needed

his favorite thing to do is smoke with blake (and davorin at times) since max is literal fire. he enjoys smoking and filling himself with smoke. he also likes playing guitar with vince, but he feels like vince is too strict about music sometimes.

his uses his fists when fighting and launches fire balls.  sometimes hes able to melt a weapon but he has to get close and ahold of it to do it

Cameron Green - human, magic user, probably crying as we speak. 16. didnt want to be the chosen one and doesnt know whats going on.  FIRST OC EVER CREATED BTW

Cameron and Andrew are the big plot people. theyre the reason the plot happens and arguably the most important two. but i still want everyone to have an equal spotlight. 

Cameron is a space wizard. which means he can do things such as star bombs which causes a blinding flash, change the gravity for a small area, and have meteors fly down. the space wizard hasnt been heard of for a long time and is considered an ancient magic. the only problem is Cameron is wielding it.

Cameron is clumsy, cautious, and terrified. hes terrified of what he can do and what could happen if he messes up (will he hurt his friends, will he fail the world, will he disappoint everyone). he was unknown to the magic world growing up due to not knowing his real parents. he and his brother were dropped off at a orphanage one night after it was deemed too dangerous from an attack for their parents to keep them. he grew up being considered an outsider and a loner in a small town in Nebraska. he loves creating art and drawing and painting is his speciality. while Andrew may be the opposite of Cameron, he still loves him and protects him the best he can. Cameron can be mouthy but quickly shuts up if someone stronger than him shows up (which is. most people). Next to Nate I want Cameron to have a lot of growth as well. him growing used to his powers and being able to wield them and him growing confidant in himself. 

i love Cameron dearly since he is the first oc ever made by me. i bought platform boots bc of him and im pretty sure he helped me realize i was always goth bc hes always had those big platform boots for some reason. 

Cameron likes to uses a staff summoned from the galaxy to fight with. it sounds very extra but its just a staff that has the sun on one end and the moon on the other. very sick.

(this pic is tiny but u can see the platform boots a bit)

Andrew Green - human and magic user. 15. wants to protect the earth more than himself. this kid will slap you if you dont recycle. 

Andrew is an earth wizard which is very generic in fantasy but i plan on having it as rare as the space wizard in my world. i wanted something to connect them as brothers so i decided to do the earth and space thing. basically an earth wizard is always accompanied by a space wizard and vice versa. the two are always blood related also. 

Andrew’s powers are kinda generic in fantasy bc earth is always used. he can make vines appear, shake the earth, form rocks, etc. his sword is summoned from the ground and has a very earthy appearance. 

Andrew is seen as the perfect boy. popular, outgoing, friendly. people refused to believe he was related to Cameron. When Andrew found out about magic it was estatic , he was a huge fantasy fan and was more than ready to take whatever it threw at him. which ended up being a lot. Andrew tries his best to keep up with whatever is happening but sometimes. life just gets too much and he loses it. when stressed he tends to go to places with lots of nature and trees. 

When Cameron cant stay motivated Andrew tries his best to keep him up. 

beep beep this ended up being way longer but!!!!!!!!!! this helped me get lots of shit straight so thank u for asking!!!!!

[guardianofjunmyeon]

Why Can’t You See Me? (Part 2/2)

Pairing: Sehun x Reader / Kyungsoo x Reader

Genre: Request based, Angst, Romance

Description: Hii, can you write a scenario where both sehun and kyungsoo love you. But you chose sehun in the end bcs you had been loving him long before you knew kyungsoo? Thank you love.

A/N: This is the end! It’s...wierdly angsty and I’m sure some of you are going to be unsatisfied with how this ends only because I started to love Kyungsoo halfway through the story and I feel like he got the shit end of the stick in this after I really hyped him up. Anywayy...here’s the second half:))

Part 1 + Part 2

You stick your key into your apartment’s door to let yourself in after a long day of studying at the student center on campus. Your bag hangs off your shoulder haphazardly as you push into the room, tiredly allowing yourself to be comforted by the familiar sight and smell of your tiny apartment.

Trudging to the kitchen, you drab a drink and snack out of the cupboard before making your way to your couch. You toss your bag onto the ground and flop onto the piece of furniture, letting your body relax against the slightly uncomfortable cushions.

Finals are swallowing you whole. You had 2 tests earlier this week, and within the next 4 days you’ve got one other test and an essay (that you haven’t even started to look at) due.

You haven’t gone to any kind of social event since the theater party with Kyungsoo last weekend, but you deserve a chance to breathe this weekend. You’ve been studying all day -correction, all week- and the last thing you want to do for the next 24 hours (at the least) is look at anything school related.

Maybe you’ll invite Sehun over. You know that he’s been drowning in work for his pre-med classes and could use a breather as well.

Yeah, you’ll call him over. It feels like you haven’t seen him in days. You aren’t use to going so long without him around. You’ve only seen one another time since the party; you miss him.

The two of you have been extremely close since your days meeting as awkward college freshman. When he’d accidently walked into your world history lecture in your first semester at this university (in the middle of the god dammed semester at that), and then stayed even after discovering he was in the wrong class.

That day he first walked in, you watched him try to slyly look at his schedule to double check whether he was in the right place, but before he could put it away you caught sight of the room he should have actually been in.

Knowing he was supposed to be in another room, and that you hadn’t had any success making friends, you took the initiative to try and make one of your first new friends in college by tapping his shoulder and telling him that the room he was looking for wasn’t that one. That it was one down one of the hallways that have been put just enough out of the way that everyone totally overlooks.

He was shocked to have some random girl talking to him, but thank god he didn’t leave you hanging. Instead of immediately getting up and walking out (as any responsible student should have), he stayed in your class, giving the response that he would look lame if he got up and left in the middle of the lecture. He refused to show weakness, so he said.

You soon found out this was his second time even attempting going to the class he was supposed to be sitting in. He hadn’t been since syllabus week at the beginning of the semester, and only came today because it was their first test.

For some reason, he decided to stay in your class permanently. He had to drop his intro to Anthropology class, and just decided to…sit in on your class without being signed up or required to take it. You still haven’t been able to make sense of his logic behind it.

The two of you became inseparable after that.

3 years later and the two of you are still best friends who are, more often than not, mistaken for lovers.

And as much as it doesn’t bother you when people say it (hell it makes your heart soar and face break into a smile at the very thought), it seems perfectly clear that Sehun isn’t as okay with the thought. He is always the first of the two of you to speak up and tell people of your totally platonic relationship. It kind of hurts how quickly he puts the thought down. You don’t dare to admit to him that you’ve liked him as more than just a friend for a while now...

You can’t stand the thought of him ending your friendship because of your one-sided love.

Now that you think about it, maybe you shouldn’t invite Sehun over.

You gulp down what’s left of your drink, and pace around your living room debating on whether or not to call Sehun over or to go to Kyungsoo’s. You know that the communication major is home, but you can’t quite convince yourself that going over is a good idea.

Neither you nor Kyungsoo have talked about what happened, or what almost happened, last weekend and you aren’t sure that you…can. You don’t know what it is that you are supposed to say. It’s not that you haven’t talked. You have. In one of the classes you share. Over the phone when you’re both bored. It’s eerily normal.

It’s as if the whole thing didn’t happen, and you wonder if maybe your drunk mind conjured up part of the night.

But you know for a fact that you weren’t that drunk. You didn’t even wake up with a hangover.

Fuck it.

You swipe your apartment keys up and trudge out the door and stop at the door directly across from your own. Why are you nervous? You shouldn’t feel so nervous.

2 knocks and your heart speeds up in hopes that maybe he isn’t home.

But you know that he is. Your schedules are almost identical and when you hear the sounds behind his door as he moves in your direction, any lingering hope you have of having a reason to escape dashes down the hall. His door opens and he looks marginally surprised to see you on the other side.

A smile stretches across his face and he pushes his glasses higher up his nose. “Can I hang here for a while?” you question, rocking on your heels nervously. Why are you so nervous? Wordlessly he opens the door wider and you step inside as if it was your own home. You take your shoes off and make your way to his fridge where you help yourself to a glass of the cheap white wine sitting in the door that he doesn’t even drink.

But he knows that you do.

So, he buys it anyway when he goes grocery shopping and has extra money, inviting you over so that you can open the bottle together.

You frown to yourself and take your cup with you as you fall into the spot beside him. His table is covered in papers and you can see at least 10 tabs open on his laptop, all related to his EMST classes.

He has to study, you know he does. You know he does better when he isn’t distracted. Preferring to be alone when he’s trying to cram information into his head…

But he let you in anyway.

Mentally, you fight yourself on whether or not to turn the TV on. The quiet around you feels uncharacteristically suffocating. You can usually handle sitting in silence with Kyungsoo because he’s comfortable. Being around Kyungsoo is comfortable.

But it’s never exciting.

And you’re shitty for thinking that and even shittier for wanting him to be someone he isn’t. Being around Kyungsoo always makes you feel safe and you feel content, but you want more than that. You want him to get angry with you. To get pissed when you do something stupid. You want to argue with him and have him ignore you until one of you finally caves and apologizes.

You want him to act…more like Sehun.

The realization pisses you off more than anything. Why does everything always go back to Sehun?

Why doesn’t Kyungsoo try to fight for you? Why does he let you treat him like this when he knows that you love Sehun? When he knows that you’re pulling him along with no set end in sight for either of you?

When he knows that you’re only hurting him because you’re being hurt as well?

Your grip on the glass tightens and you feel the condensation from the wine against your hand. Before you can accidently break his glass, you set it on the table away from any of his papers. The clink is louder than you intended when it meets the table, but the sound catches his attention.

His eyes are wide looking at your own. “What?”

What? Isn’t that the question?

What are you both doing here? What does he want from you? What do you want from him? What game are you both playing?

Or maybe the question is how long? How long can the two of you go on pretending that you aren’t aware of your own and each other’s feelings?

How long until you see him?

“What are we doing here Kyungsoo?” uneasy words escape from your lips. Where are you going with this? What are you trying to get out of him?

Feigned confusion. You don’t know how you can tell he’s pretending to be confused. Maybe it’s because you’ve seen him on stage enough times to know by now.

He’s a good actor, but you’re good at noticing him. At noticing the things about him.

And you know he’s pretending.

But you’re done. Done playing this game. Acting in this play. You both need answers. You can’t stay stuck here for the rest of your lives.

“Why are we still doing this? This…what is this? I…why are you still here? With me? Why are you doing this? I…” the words are in your head but die as son at they touch your tongue. You feel tears pricking at your eyes in frustration. Why can’t you express yourself sensibly? You cover your eyes with your hands and exhale shakily. Get it together. You have to get it together or the two of you will be stuck in this comfortable…but unhappy place.

He isn’t looking at you when you look back up, instead staring down at his fingers sitting his lap as he picks at the edges of his nails. Guilty. You feel guilty for making him look guilty.

But you’re both guilty of being dumb.

“I like Sehun…” you utter aloud to him for the first time. “I like Sehun, and you know that. You know that but you’re still…here. Why aren’t you angry at me? Angry at him? Don’t you like me? Why don’t you even try to fight for me?”

His movements are slow as he looks up at you. Your throat tightens at the threat of tears and you swipe at your eyes before anything can fall. “Do you think I like sitting off to the side? Cheering you both on even though it breaks my own heart too? Do you honestly think that I’m okay feeling like the third wheel when the three of us are together?

“I hate feeling this way. I hate seeing you both together. I hate how he looks at you not knowing how much you love him. I hate how happy he makes you, but…I love seeing you happy. I’m not angry. I could never be angry with you, and I can’t be angry with him because it’s not his fault. I just wish that I was him, you know? I wish you’d look at me even half of the way that you look at him. I wish I was the first person you wanted to talk to and not just a back-up. But I’m not. I’m not and for some reason I’m okay with it. I’m okay with it because I still get to be around you and I can still do…something to make you smile on the days you can’t see him.

“It’s fucked because when I look at you I can see myself. I can see how much he means to you and how bad you wish he would look at you, but you know what? I wish you would look at me. Why can’t you see me (Y/N)? I’m right here, all the time, but you won’t even give me a chance. There’s no space for me in your heart. That’s why I don’t fight for you. Because no matter what I do, nothing I can do will remove him from that spot in your heart. Nothing will ever be as good.” His words strike at your heart and rip at you in a way you didn’t think you would ever feel from Kyungsoo.

The hurt and honesty in his voice chokes you up, but you don’t cry. Staring at him in a kind of understanding and sadness at the reality of how much he’s felt and how exactly you’ve played a role in it. At how much you understand him, but can’t console him.

Because he’s right.

“I’m sorry,” you try to keep your voice stable as you explain yourself. He deserves an explanation, at least doesn’t he? “I wish…things were different too you know? I just…I like you Kyungsoo. I do.” He scoffs out a laugh and shakes his head to himself. “I like you, but…it happened at the wrong time. Us meeting. Maybe if we’d met before, or maybe if…I don’t know. I’m sorry for being such a shitty friend and not taking your feelings into consideration. You didn’t…you don’t deserve this from me. From anybody. I shouldn’t use your affection as a substitute for whatever the fuck I’m trying to get out of Sehun. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me. I understand.” He smiles and you know you don’t deserve him. “You can’t control who you fall in love with right?” he breathes. You can’t control who you fall in love with, but you still shouldn’t have used him just because he was there.

You feel a weight lift off your chest even as a sadness at what you’re giving up slips inside of you. At least you both know where your hearts are. The words are out and it might hurt for a while, but you can both move on from here. Awkward silence falls around you and you lick your chapped lips as thoughts fill you head. Does this mean you need to talk to Sehun? Where does this leave you and Kyungsoo?

“Are we…still friends?” you question nervously.

He smiles that one smile that kind of breaks your heart because you can see the thinly covered pain as he tries to put on a brave face. “Of course-” you open your mouth to apologize once again “-but I need some time. Maybe…we should give each other some distance for a few days? Just to…have time to go back to normal you know?”

You close your mouth and force yourself to nod. You don’t like the idea of it, but he needs it. The least you can do is give him some space.

“Alright. Just…call me whenever I guess. I’m still here for you whenever you need me.”

“Yeah,” he laughs quietly and you stand from your seat ready to make your leave. Taking this as your cue to get out. “You should talk to Sehun. I…you might be surprised if you tell him how you feel.”

You narrow your eyes and frown slightly. “What do you-”

“You might be afraid of confessing…but he’s more afraid of admitting his feeling to himself. Now go before I regret having said anything.”

“But-” he stands up and waves you away playfully.

“Go, go. Hurry. Leave.”  You’re pushed out of his apartment feeling weirdly brave after hearing his words.

You don’t hear the soft thump as Kyungsoo leans against the other side of his closed door.

“Oh Sehun!” you call out. His steps stutter in the middle of his walk up the stairs to his dorm building. You had planned on showing up and waiting for him in his room, but somehow you caught him right as he was returning for the night. Kyungsoo’s words push you forward with a confidence you’re sure will leave as soon as you’re within 5 feet of Sehun. When he turns around your breath all but leaves your chest and you have to remind yourself to breathe. “Did you just finish studying?”

He nods and waits for you to catch up to him before saying anything else. “Why are you here?”

“Can’t I come see my favorite person every once in a while?”

He sets his lips in a line and turns away from you, not even trying to humor you. “Okay fine, I need to talk to you. It’s important so don’t ask if it could wait.” You trail behind him as he strolls to his room. Even tired and casual the guy is like a model. Your heart didn’t stand a chance against him.

His roommate and him never lock their door, so he opens it without even pulling out his keys. As expected his roommate isn’t home, but you see a dish full of food sitting on living room table showing you that he was at some point earlier.

Sehun groans, pulls out his phone to take a picture of the left-out plate and sends an annoyed message to the person in question. “…always leaving his food out…’s how we get ants…” he complains under his breath and you snicker. He complains about Junmyeon all the time, but you know neither of them would be able to survive without the other.

“Where’s Junmyeon now?”

“Dunno. I think he had a shift today maybe.”

“Shouldn’t you know? You live with him…”

“Junmyeon is a grown man. I’m not his nanny,”

You frown to yourself. Someone’s in a bad mood today. Deciding it’s for the best if you just wait for him in his room until he’s done stalking around his dorm complaining, you escape from his side. Maybe you shouldn’t have this talk with him today…fuck what were you thinking coming all the way here to confess or something? What kind of bullshit are you on?!

“So what did you come here for again?” his voice startles you and you keep yourself from having heart attack when you turn around to find him leaning against his closed door with his arms crossed over his chest.

God dammit why is he so attractive doing nothing…

“I...uh…okay so the thing is…” embarrassment creeps up your neck and you begin to wonder why you didn’t plan this out in your head while you were heading over here. You had plenty of time to think, but you just…didn’t.

“Look, if you don’t know what you want to say-”

“Kyungsoo likes me!” you blurt. The words slip off your tongue out in a rush as your brain rattles off all the things you wanted to say like a slideshow in your head. You don’t know why that’s the thing that came out first. His eyes widen and you see the tension in his shoulders. “He told me he likes me…like a week ago. At the theater party…before you came up. But he told me again today…after I finished studying when I went to his apartment.”

His neutral expression shifts into a slight frown. “Okay? Why should I care whether he likes you? Do you want to hear congratulations or something?”

“I don’t fucking know, I’d like to hear something Sehun.” Your voice raises slightly in frustration.

He tosses his hands in the air ready to match your volume. “Whoop-de-doo. I hope you two are very fucking happy together. Are we done here? I don’t care about you and Kyungsoo’s relationship. I’m tired and you’re only making my head hurt-”

“No! You always do this! Whenever I talk about Kyungsoo you get all pissy and change the subject. Why!? What is your fucking problem? He’s your friend too and it’s not like you like me or anything!”

“You’re right; I don’t.”

You groan angrily. “Fuck you. Maybe I should go ahead and date Kyungsoo. He’s way less of a shithead than you are you absolute pompous pri-”

“Go ahead! Why don’t you date Kyungsoo since you’re so in fucking love with him-”

“Because I love you, you jackass!” your shout shuts him up and you’re left panting in frustration. You close your eyes and turn away from him. This isn’t how you expected this conversation to go. Taking in a breath you boldly stare him down as you face your fears. “Because…I love you, okay? I…I’ve been in love with you for…most of the time I’ve known you.

“He told me he liked me but I couldn’t even return the feelings because I’m stuck being in love with you. And it hurts. It hurts me, and I’ve been hurting him because…you keep hurting me. I know you don’t mean to do it, but…being in love with you knowing you only like me as a friend hurts so bad, but I didn’t want to stop being around you, so I let myself feel like shit. God, I feel so stupid and embarrassed. I’m sorry I’ll just leave I shouldn’t have come in the first plac-” you make a move to the blocked door ready to push him out of the way so that you can escape with your shame, but he grabs your shoulders and keeps you from moving.

You struggle halfheartedly in his grip, only slightly trying to shake his hands off. “Are you serious?” he asks.

You roll your eyes harder than you ever have in your entire life. “No, I’m joking. The very idea of traumatizing myself and confessing to you just sounded like so much fucking fun I figured I’d give it a try-” lips touch your cheek and you’re stunned to silence. You blink up with wide eyes to see the light pink dusting across his cheeks as he avoids your eyes.

“I- I uh like you too…I thought you liked Kyungsoo so I…I never said anything. I knew he liked you, and I didn’t want to get in the way. I guess I just thought you’d never…” he shrugs sheepishly “…never look at me.”

You slide your hands up to cup his face, forcing him to look into your eyes. When you smile at him you see his own face brighten ever so slightly. “You’re the only person that I see.”

Looking at your face his heart pounds in his chest he feels himself give in to you like he always does…when he’s with you.

[frederic-ch0pin]

every reason that i love you (maybe i forgot a few) + the things i love about u (prob will keep adding to this list)

you love and appreciate simple things

you’re kind, and never have a bad word to say about anyone

you have never cared about anything conventional

you care about the wellbeing of everything and everyone. so much and u just want everyone to get along

you don’t really care about what people think of you

you’re absolutely beautiful

you’re so effortlessly funny???

you’re unintentionally edgy

ur hair is absolutely,,,,,,gorgeous and soft

our bodies seem to fit so well together when we would lay down

u r sooo fucking smart dude

ur so TALENTED WTF

u are so amazingly committed to music and it’s so. beautiful

no matter how good u are and no matter ur accomplishments u have always been so. humble about everything. holy shit can i just talk about that for a second? who makes all state jazz 2 years in a row and is so??? cool about it ???

u always know how to make me feel better. even if i never showed it

u are my ultimate level of comfort. like our fuzzy cat blanket

u love nature so~~~~much

ur eyes. ur beautiful almond shaped, brown eyes that are framed with even more beautiful, thick, long eyelashes

ur warmth, i guess that goes back to comfort but seriously u were my personal radiator

i would like to say that u are the most fucking genuine person i have ever met ??? like ?? who???

u have literally never lied about anything (well anything relevant, and to me at least)

u hate gossip but would always let me talk to u~~~

ur fuzzy little chin hairs which i KNOW is a surprising addition to this list. i miss when u would kiss my neck and it would tickle so we would just be giggling like little kids :-(((

ur ,,hands. strong beautiful hands that once held mine. i wish u would stop picking ur thumbs but that’s ok i guess. someday it’ll be ok

u love maps. maps r cool as fuck dude. i remember when u showed me map crunch and were super close to having our first kiss (at least to me LOL) and then ur voice cracked

u know like??? everything. u always had a cute little fact to share

bach mt vernon mouthpieces :P i remember when u told me about those for the first time and i was like wow my bf is a heckin cute trombone nerd

ik this is related 2 nature which i already said but u know so much about PLANTS!!!! that is so cute. my gardening boy. i always wanted 2 kiss u every time u started to talk about them. u are so passionate about plants.

we share a lot of weird things ab our past??? like when we were emo it’s not so much cool but i loved being able to. finally share that with someone

ur love of lola. she sucks but i mean i have never seen quite the bond :,-(

how u can just. chug milk. i could never but i always found it cute. strong bone boy

ok ur arms r rly cute. i liked 2 touch them and look at them bc ur so strong hehe

ur mouth. gosh that was rly cute. i rly would like 2 kiss them 24/7. even when they were all red from how hard u have been practicing i still. love them

ur smell. i’m not really sure what exactly it was but it was so comforting. sometimes i’ll be alone in my room and i’ll come across something of yours and ur scent is still there. oh god it hurts to smell that again. i can’t believe u are gone. god i hate myself.

u study for school?? and read?? like wow i never did that’s so crazy. i’d love to watch u workin bc u always looked so. cute

u always tried ur best!!! no matter what!!!!! i’m sorry i didn’t appreciate that taco cabana bowl thing but u know what i!!!! regret not taking it !!!!!

u put up with me :-( i am literally the worst fucking person in the world and u were still always kind and amazing to me. i love u.

oh gosh the WAY u loved me. it was so tender and sweet and i should have appreciated it more. i hate myself LoL

how much u know about. jazz

ur appreciation for jazz. that’s so wild man. i’m starting 2 listen to it bc i am missing u so much and it rly is like the only thing i have left of u.

ok i’m going 2 cry if i type any more. but tldr; u r so. amazing and i hope everyone can see that. i hope everyone is treating u like u deserve to be treated bc u are a fucking gift 2 this world. i love you

ok i am dumb and going to keep adding to this as i think of more reasons LOL:

41. (sry this is one i need 2 include for some reason) ummm the way u dress is rly cute and simple and goes back 2 unintentionally edgy. my cute thrift shop boy <3

42. (ok this too sry) ur beautiful thick naturally shaped eyebrows ??? oh wow those r ??? amazing ??? and the way they accompany ur eyes is literally the most beautiful thing

43. this goes back to the beautiful bullet point but u are absolutely mesmerizing. i could stare at u all day man. i am absolutely in awe of how beautiful u are !!!!!!!

44. our. crab phase. i guess that’s more of an us thing but u were very committed 2 that and that was so sweet

45. ik i said that ur kind already but i would rly like to emphasize how sweet and caring u are it is rly just amazing oh god. do u know how amazing u are??? like without a doubt the most perfect and nearly indescribable person i know??

46. ur appreciation for languages and world culture!!!! i wanted to go to the asian festival w u but :P look where we r now

47. the way u love my cats !!!!! :-( they miss u please come back

48. sry this one is rated R but u were very loving during sex and rly did try ur best i appreciated that a lot, even when i kinda stopped caring bc of my birth control LOL i just wanted to make u happy and i liked having such an intimate moment with u <3

49. ur nose idk why but it is sobcute i want to kiss it