#the reason im doing it now is its been so long since ive left off that i kinda need to in order to refresh jcbcn

[milkbreadtoast]

im rereading the twsb novel from the beginning and its so so good... and every single minute detail of cedric's slowburn developing crush on prince jesse(yeseo) makes me feel like im lit on fire...... also its even better on 2nd read im catching more details and that i missed/forgot and AAAAAH

ALSO I MADE THIS CONNECTION AND... HNNGFHHH... I LOVE TWSB... thank u for resetting the timeline... 🥹😭 AAAAH THE LGBTNESS OF IT ALL. IM IN FLAMES

also: 🫠🫠🫠🔥🔥🔥 (not posting excerpts but this is all from ch 15)

[anonymouscheeses]

Im sorry i have to say it..: Get Your Hands Dirty sounds like a love song.

HEAR. ME. OUTT!! (No i dont mean a love song between Chloe n Ella omg 😭)

What I'm implying here is that it sounds like one of those niche high school love stories when one of the lovers(most likely a goodie two-shoes) goes to their mentor/parent/even the person their loving/etc to ask for advice on relationships. Or more specifically, if this person is worth it or even a good person. From the top of my head: I Won't Say (I'm In Love) and the goodie and the wildchild dynamic is pretty similar to Gabriella and Troy from hs musical, which iws(iil) kinda inspired this post tbh but also ive been thinking about this ever since i first watched the movie. (You plop in ur own songs, i js KNOW this trope exists)

Now that we've established the well used niche trope existing in this niche song made by the niche king that is Disney.... why do i think that Get Your Hands Dirty is a love song, i hear?

Lets analyze THE LYRIICS 😈😈

"Right and wrong, cruel and kind, who's to say?" "There's a code that I believe in."

"Robin Hood" "yeah?" "Awesome guy" "yeah!"

"Every choice, you're gonna find there's shades of grey." "There are rules for a reason!"

"So you could then cross that line, theoretically."

"You'd agree?" "But he stole for the poor."

"The decision's always up to you. When there's only one thing left to do"

"I don't know you anymore.."

Okay, so i shortened and made it tiny for obvious reasons, that bein its too long 😭 so! AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS A FEEELIN?? a feelin that this is SCREAMING denial?! Its giving...

Chloe: Ellaaaa.... this girl im talkn to is SOOO HHHOOOOTT and PRETTY and cool and stuff but ugh.... SHE EEEVILLL!!

Ella: oh my gosh.. STFU. Shes prolly not even that evil ill prove it smh..

*get ur hands dirty starts playing. No exaggeration. No cap.*

"Okay, but there's some universal truths you must recognize." "Like?"

"Valiant knights, pure and good, guaranteed" "That depends on what they're fighting for"

"Creepy witches selling potions for evil deeds" "She could have kids she's providing for"

"If your good-good things will come to you"

MORE denial, Chloe wants to be friends with Red SO bad she looks stupid, but she brings herself back by trying to prove to herself that she's evil and they SHOULDN'T be that close. Which also is a big sign of comphet and heteronormativity, i would know 🧍 (which is a post for another day i might make. Prolly 2 prove that Chloe is a lesbian in deep comphet)

"But just how far do you go? How much do you compromise? Oh, tell me, how do you know. Where do you draw the line?"

"There's nothing I wouldn't do. If my heart tells me it's right. If it's for someone I love. If it's to save a life."

"To save your life."

Further deepening the trope i mentioned. The first line could be interpreted as a double meaning since the song is kind of mostly about Chloe coming to terms with the fact Red isn't really evil or as bad as she thought, plus the argument of where the line between evil and good is. It could refer to Red or Ella, maybe both, but Ella changes the meaning with her own experiences so it drifts off the focus from Red because we cant have ANYTHING 🤧 but i still believe Chloe intended it to be for Red since the entire song is really just for the progress of their relationship n stuff.

Now this could definitely all be in my head, yes, Disney would most likely NEVER canonize or even imply heavily a queer relationship or anything lgbtq on a pre established franchise (cowards.). But there is always a chance.... deep inside the dark heart of the mouse..

Plus, with the subtle hints here and there of Red and Chloe's relationship growing, romantically or not, they are still super close and love eachother alot. Chloe is js (kinda) canonically a girl kisser who cant help but find a girl kissable (same)

And don't get me started on this movie and its obsession with love and proving how it is not "ain't it". Hello...? They set the tone of love, but i see NO person close enough to Red established for this message (other than Chloe) and if they introduce some random guy in the next movies, NO ONE would care nor would they want it unless somehow its 100x better than redcharming, but thats impossible cz wlw 4 life.

So, this entire thingy is me basically finding scraps and wanting to provr that charminghearts IS canon and WILL be established soon! (Im delulu)

[strwberri-milk]

hi berri! i wanted to ask what you think sylus and mc's first meeting would have been like if mc had recognized him?

would it be okay to ask if you'd mind doing a little drabble about that scenario? thanks for reading and thank you for your time :)

hi!! ik you requested a drabble but honestly he main reason why i dont do drabbles on request is bc i will sit here for a gazlillion hours and just not write it bc ive actually been fighting a writing slump for the better part of like, two years [sob] its why longer fics and stuff are so rare for me and im very sorry about that so i hope you take this offering but also uhhh this isnt phrased in a way that id write it as a request bc it seems more like youre asking ME and also uhh im rambling now

with the way that i want to approach this i honestly. would have to rewrite the entire scene bc just a short drabble >1k words wouldnt establish all the context i think would be needed to go into the depth thats required for the ramifications of rmring sylus + i dont acc know much of his myth outside the general stuff and honestly i dont intend to lean more actively + writing smth that long will never ever be finished by me bc ya to me it'd be a full fledged oneshot/fic but i dont do fics ever unless a concept grabs me by the BALLS

what i DO think would happen would be you'd skip a lot of that early push and pull.

honestly from what ive noticed in the story / the other interps ive seen other people take i think deadass sylus would be like, a week out from putting a metaphorical ring on your finger. i think things would just sorta like?? pick up where he thinks you two left off and hed basically sorta "expect" you (in the kindest way) to be okay with dropping everything to be at his side in the sense that fron the outside looking in, it's crazy to move in with a guy you met an hour ago but he sorta things that youd just be that comfortable with him right away and not really consider that you currently have a life in this world. his goal is essentially to find you again so like. when he does find you again in his head hes completed it and now its just time to enjoy being together!!

i saw someone say that sylus conquering the n109 zone is to fulfill a promise that was made in his myths and while i dont know mmuch about it to go into detail the parts i do understand i can see where its coming from which is why i think that remembering him basically gets you swept up into this whirlwiind romance and you do a bunch of domestic stuff and just like?? are with eaech other in every way that matters bc theres this mutal yearning/pining thats transcended time/reality so to me its not just him, but with any of the LIs that if you rmr him things would speed up 1000% esp since oyu also have the context of the previous "relationship"

[n0vatsu]

considering leaving tumblr but this will be my final message probably

TW: LONG AND IMPORTANT

When i joined tumblr i was mainly trying to post content like it was YouTube or Tiktok, but then i started meeting moots and eventually, i realized why i was still posting, because of them, i thought tumblr as something unique and how everyone communicated here was more special than anywhere else, this place has changed me to who i am today

Eventually no matter how much i did, this place lost its spark, very close moots of mine already moved on with their lives and lived on to a new chapter.

this place slowly turned into something different. A place i don’t call home anymore.

I mean, I dont really use gacha life/gacha club anymore so i dont have much recognization anymore, now most of my friends i made on tumblr either dont talk to me anymore, or just left tumblr for good. But i am not blaming them for anything as i felt like it was my fault for not being active as much as i used to.

Ive also been feeling unmotivated lately and all the promises i made before will most likely be scrapped or forgotten so its best if i cancel it all before living off lies for several months

It’s been 2 years and I really thought i would remain here longer i seriously did. But Like everyone else, its time to start a new chapter in life.

Don’t feel sorry for me. Dont be guilty, this is completely my decision and none of yall gave me a reason to leave.

before i leave let me make some confirmations

I still plan on making ELETS but idk when since im still trying to put everything together. If you have YouTube i plan on posting there more often to check it out!

For the milkshake mansion AU i do plan on giving away mm! Tsutsuji, mm! Yoake and mm! Yugure to someone else who is more interested in making their lore than i am (note: this does not mean they have the canon characters, they have the au and that’s it) but if no one is interested ill just scrap it and the au’s lore will remain uncompleted unless i decide to come back someday if you’re interested you can dm me.

And for the dandys world Au i plan on posting that somewhere else in the internet, just not here

i will be active on other platforms, if you still just want to talk to me consider asking me for my instagram, discord, tiktok, or Pinterest acc, i will be active there but if you still want content from me, consider my YouTube channel

once in a while i may reblog stuff in this blog @ga1atsu

I had an rp account: @bootao0715, so that blog will also be inactive

For the xiao cult, i plan on putting @yourlocalxiaosimp in charge of it for now.

I love you all, if you have any remaining questions you can comment here or go in my askbox which will remain open for a few weeks.

Thank you

@2laffy2 @gachaclubideas @yourlocalxiaosimp @mel-loly @boiling-potato @justafriendlystranger @serentiydraw5678 @cheezekennith @untitled14360 @sayuri-does-skits @untitled14360 @hayatiayad @screwzara and more I probably forgot (im so sorry)

Maybe one day ill come back, but probably not soon.

[buddie-has-me-in-a-chokehold]

sit tight, this is a long one.

Okay, i’m gonna be so honest, i’m actually scared of what’s gonna happen in the next episode, like it’s a few hours away and im genuinely scared… but i am terrified for episode 13.

Im not sure if this is completely accurate but ive seen a couple people saying it’s eddie centric and it’s 65 minutes long. i cannot stress this enough, this is a procedural network show, they had to negotiate with the network to allow them an extra 20 minutes, EVERYTHING in that episode was intentional and necessary.

i was talking to my friend and we discussed possible outcomes and for the near future we have 3 potentials.

1. eddie comes back because he realizes his feelings for buck.

2. eddie realizes his feelings but isn’t ready to address them and he stays in texas.

3. (least favourite option) Eddie’s goodbye.

now i absolutely hate it but i really feel like it might be option 3 and im petrified. i have a few reasons that im leaning towards this and im going to stress, please convince me otherwise.

so first, the writers have set up the idea of buck living in eddie’s house for possibly up to a year. in 8.09 we have the interaction between buck and eddie where eddie states he signed a new lease for a year and needs to let his house or he will be bleeding cash. so we already have the potential for eddie to be letting his house for up to a year and this has been mentioned. the thing is, there was no need to add the timeline here unless to potentially imply he could come back or he’s planning on being gone for a while.

to branch off that last point, if he is leaving for a while, why wouldn’t he just stay? its no secret that eddie is a great father and will put chris’ needs before his own, we saw how he would fake a smile on calls with chris to try to be supportive. he’s willingly going back to texas because he wants chris to do what he needs to do but he can’t keep watching his son grow up through facetime. so… if chris is settled, which he clearly is (he’s had a birthday party with friends and family, he’s in chess club, he’s forming a life there), eddie wouldn’t drag him back to LA. He’s been there for months now, he’s happy, eddie wouldn’t force him, kicking and screaming, to come back to LA.

now i will admit, this last one may be a reach but ive been thinking none stop about this since last week, Eddie has changed over the last few episodes. understandable, his son left and now lives in a different state with eddies parents who have continuously tried to take him from eddie, but ive noticed some things.

for instance, a lot of people compared eddie and tommy’s interactions with buck because eddie knew buck, inside and out, and understood buck as if they could speak a language only they understand. Tommy couldn’t. Tommy would make jokes at bucks expense but not with the same warmth and care that eddie did. eddie was always fond, tommy felt patronizing. and recently ive been seeing a disconnect between eddie and buck, the most obvious being eddie not seeing that buck was lashing out because he’s scared of being abandoned.

the audience could see plain as day that buck was hurt and felt he was about to be abandoned, eddie takes it as buck trying to make him choose between his best friend and his son. it feels reminiscent of the divorce era.

as i said, i don’t want to believe it but i’ve been noticing things and i keep seeing people being so excited about buddie but im honestly scared. this seems too complicated and i also feel like potentially, a big factor in this will be chris’ feelings.

Chris has obvious and completely valid concerns when it comes to eddies significant others, we have shannon (i personally liked shannon but she was definitely flawed, so im not bashing her character just stating facts) who walked out and abandoned her son and husband not long after eddie returned from war, he had been injured, was traumatized and had no idea how to balance being a single dad and working and healing. when she came back she was only around for a short while before she died and that traumatized chris. he was having nightmares about her in the tsunami… boy was troubled! Then we had ana, who started out as chris’ teacher, became a huge part of his life and then eddie broke up with her and she was gone. then marisol, met, dated, moved in, moved out and then eddie cheats on her with his dead wife’s doppelgänger. Chris absolutely has concerns and they’re completely understandable. I can see chris being very wary of buck and eddie because buck is so important to chris and doesn’t want anything destroying that relationship. i’m not implying chris has an issue with eddie being gay but just that he wouldn’t trust his dad not to destroy things with buck. then, because eddie only wants to fix things with chris, he disregards what he could have with buck and stays in texas.

the parallels with abby’s departure and to previous conflicts between buck and eddie just make me think it’s not going to end well. i feel like if anything we’re gonna see buck character development throughout the years in how he handles losing eddie compared to abby.

Please convince me otherwise because im scared.

[hobisstar]

What are you hiding from love?| Yandere!Jk x Reader V Last Part

Summary: Being in a relationship with Jungkook you’ve always noticed the signs, the red flags if you will. Being so in love with him you ignored them, until the people you loved dearly started disappearing one by one.

Warnings: Murder, Jungkook victim blaming ( like he will say i killed you because you are too stupid or whatever), Possessiveness, Mentions of Smut, Controlling, Locking up YN.

Taglist: vante 🫶🏾

A/N: This is made to be scary! That is all. I honestly dont like mixing smut with yandere because i read yandere fics to be spooked not horny lol. This has been absolutely fun to write for you guys! Im so happy how much love it had gotten over the past month since ive been writing it! I love you all so so much! Enjoy!

Its been about two years since Jungkook decided to let yn go on her own! So far, yn has become the owner of the coffee shop, has opened up plenty of them across Asia and plans to open some in The Untied States.

Life has been looking absolutely beautiful for yn! But heres the thing.

Bodies have been discovered. Fresh bodies. Of course going through what she went through with Jungkook, she feared that this was his doing. That the so called hobby has now reached the news channels. Though it says that the crimes has been in only England, it was still capability of it being Jungkook.

“Yn! Are you even listening? Im telling you Namjoon wants to take you on a date!” Joy, yns now close friend that she has gained from opening the coffee shops.

“Sorry, but i dont think im ready to date. The last guy was for 5 years and it didn’t turn out well in the end.” Yn mumbled looking over at the tv that was on the crime scene of the killings.

But what was showed, made yns blood run cold.

What was at the crime scene was dandelions.

The flowers that Jungkook always used to gift her on days he felt like we did something wrong. He would cut the steam off and just leave the flowers to never be able to grow again.

Was he…back?

It was closing time and of course yn being the owner, she decided that it was her duty to close every single night.

But tonight, she couldnt shake the feeling that she was being watched.

As everyone was leaving she saw a guy with a big hoodie on taking his time to clean up his mess on the table. Putting his crumbs inside a napkin then taking the napkin and closing it tightly then throwing it out.

yn watched from behind the counter taking containers from the counter and putting them on the shelf behind her.

This mysterious guy has been coming in everyday. Same time. She never serves him but she knows Joy does and she hates serving him. ‘His glare, it can kill.’ She would say when describing the eyes of this mysterious man.

While cleaning she saw the guy get up and come up to the counter.

Face mask on and glasses… sun glasses.

Its night time.

Maybe it was a fashion statement. Thats what yn left it as. “ Hi sorry we are about to close soon so im gonna have to ask you to leave..” is what she was aiming to say but once she turned around she saw he just left a napkin with hand writing on it.

She grabbed it and began to read it:

“Hi baby! Oh its been such a long time, oh how i miss you. Our child also misses you. 2 years right? That is let you go? Ah, I remember something. Today is our anniversary! Our now 7 year anniversary. Im picking you up at 11! Be ready!

JJK,”

Yn was at this point shaking. Fear took over her body but was trying to hide it. She wasnt doing such a good job at that. As much as she wanted to call the cops, get him arrested, she knew that those cops had no chance in trying to get Jungkook.

Hed kill them all in the blink of an if he even knew that they talked to yn.

When yn got home she didnt let the fact go that when she got there she obviously saw Jungkooks car right outside her town house.

Mind you this is the 5th time this year she has moved. None of the reasons dealing with Kook but they definitely where personal reasons.

She braced herself, once she goes inside her home, Jungkook will be inside.

She could call the cops and run away from home then go to Jins house.

Actually now that Yn thought about it, what if Jin had something to do with it? He was always to calm for her liking honestly. Why was he always just so calm with him? I mean he explained it yes, hes seen it for so many years but why didnt he at least call the cops? Then again was the cops really gonna help him?

Entering the home, it felt like deja vu. Coming home on anniversary and Jungkook was cooking their favorite shared dish.

Spaghetti! Yn liked it because it was delicious and Jungkook probably like it because it reminded him of blood.

“My love! You are right on time! The Spaghetti is hot and ready to be platted. Get comfortable and come eat”

He didn’t need to turn around for yn to know that it was actually him. He colored his tattoos, became more swoll and also cut his long hair.

Yn didnt change anything or didnt get comfortable since this was all just too much for her.

‘Keep calm and go with his plan, yn.’ Thats all she kept telling herself.

Though what was his plan? Drug her? Kill her?

Well, none of those. He wanted her back. If that meant living in this house with her, then so be it. Jin had Bam so, they’d have plenty of time together.

Finally he sat down with two plates of spaghetti and there he was in all his glory.

He had the cockiest smirk while toying with his now new lip ring before sitting down across from yn.

“ Fucking finally, i have you again.”

[marsixm]

touch wood bc im always crashing and burning on shit like this but lately ive been somewhat remembering to keep up with a bunch of positive habits ive been trying to stick to for years.

ive noticeably been off my phone, my screen time is way down from last week, and the effects are def being felt. like all the shit where i was always feeling like i had no time, well, actually i do if im not spending a bunch of time distracted by twitter lmao

i know putting it down to one or even two things is too simple but i feel like a bunch of stuff has had a domino effect lately of positive changes adding up. i no longer am hosting people i didnt wanna host at my place, its not unbearably hot outside, im feeling way more secure in my relationships, im feeling confident due to noticeable skill improvements, and all those things are compounding each other and helping me maintain a lot of baseline stuff (mostly cleaning) which is then making me feel even better and able to do more of the stuff i often put off

4 example i finally made an appointment for my next tattoo, finally contacted my apt place about fixing my washer, am actually doing my skin care routine, actually clipping the dogs nails more (tho that ones mostly on him for fighting me lmao), im trying to ease my way back into reading too

a couple changes that are helping are, for one, i changed my morning routine up so i have like 20 minutes before making breakfast to start nursing my cup of coffee while i check my computer, respond to messages, and kinda mentally prep for the day, also instead of having either pure silence im trying to fill with picking out some other youtube video or being on my phone or whatever, im trying to just turn the tv on and let it play american dad (or whatever show ive already seen a million times) which i know sounds like it should be distracting but for me its not, and i really realized that recently that of course it would feel normal to just have the tv running thats literally how i grew up for my entire childhood and adolescence- im also giving myself my specific time for listening to music and time for listening to podcasts, and for podcast-esque yt vids, again everything towards having less mental hangups while trying to get other stuff done, AND im giving myself time to actually catch up on things like podcasts (im up to taz graduation now) which is also handy for not using data in my car, i actually set myself on a 5gb/month plan and this past month i had a whole gigabyte left over! + im amble to stick to the skin care routine better, for example, bc i realized just bc its a before bed skin care routine doesnt mean i have to do it RIGHT BEFORE bed, ie when im fucking sleepy and also dont want my face to feel weird & distracting. like i can do it a couple hours before, even, esp if im not going out. also this is either gonna sound silly or totally reasonable but ever since i got back into elden ring, the feeling its giving me of facing obstacles, getting defeated, but getting back up and trying harder and winning is like genuinely doing so many positive things for my self esteem and brain chemistry right now. also timers! i love timers! having an idea of how long something is taking me, or giving myself a predetermined block of time to do something, or just to nudge me to remind me what i was up to, super helpful

anyway im kinda going thru a transitional period rn bc im improving on a personal level a lot but my social life is kinda whacked out due to communication breakdowns and one of the key people moving states this week, but at the same time im also much more secure in my ability to socialize and bridge gaps and be there for people so its a very mixed bag but im trying to not just survive but thrive right now

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

heyyyyyyyy. so. its been a year since I last continued with my reading of acomaf and its been several month since I even reblogged anything on this blog and theres a lot of little reasons for that which, for the sake of convenience, I have decided to bundle into two big reasons

I noticed that a lot of the criticism I was seeing of this series' romance was very puritanical in a way that made me uncomfortable, and that a lot of the people criticising this series had a tendency of equating liking certain characters/aspects of the books with having rancid political opinions which I fundamentally disgree with (the most ridiculous take Ive encountered that I just have to share is a post that was like "The IC would be pro-israel and Tamlin and Nesta would be pro-palestine" when this series is literally written by a zionist like come on). I dont really want to elaborate on these opinions rn, but if youre really curious theres a podcast episode about toxic romance in YA by the little duck book club where the hosts essentially share all of my thoughts, I left a very long comment under it that Im gonna paste under the cut of this post as well. I will say, I havent seen these kinds of arguments in a while (because I have still been lurking around in the tags) and I dont know if thats because the fandom climate shifted or if Ive just blocked everyone with those kinds of opinions, but either way I feel a lot better

At a certain point, the main reason I kept posting on here was because I enjoyed the community but then I made a tamlin critical post that I was quite proud of which got very little notes and I think I started getting less interaction on here after that in general (Im not entirely sure about that, its been a while and I dont remember it very well) which lead me to believe that people were either blocking me or unfollowing me, which was very frustrating and upsetting. I had my issues with this little 'anti fandom' feeling very clique-ey and feeling a bit left out as someone who doesnt really care about Tamlin before, but this was kind of the last straw for me and I didnt feel particularly motivated or inspired to keep posting after that. And Im not trying to make anyone feel bad for not interacting with it because they didnt want to or maybe because they havent even read it because they have all the anti-tamlin tags blocked, but these are my feelings and I want to be open about them. Also, a lot of this was just my obsession with criticising this series running its course which is very typical for me when it comes to the media Im obsessed with, it always fades but then returns at random times

One such random time is now ^^ When I last left off with my liveblog I was just done with chapter 53, and I had planned to do something special for chapter 54, because its a really infamous chapter, which is read it in both german and english. And Im gonna do that in the live-note taking style, but after that I think I will go back to the style of post I used to do when I started this blog, where I would read a couple of chapters at once and then summarize my thoughts on them. Idk if I'll return to reading after chapter 54 right away though since Im on a two-week holiday rn and I prefer to read these books while Im on the bus, but we'll see

Alright, thats it for now, thanks for reading!

the comment i left under that video:

"This was a really good discussion, it was very refreshing hearing people who are not american lol normal about sex and who recognize that teenagers are not literally children talk about this stuff, because Ive been seeing people start to apply the who "think of the children"-argument to adult books and its been insufferable. Like, I literally saw someone say about fifty shades of grey "impresssionable young women are reading this" and its like, thats a book series thats unambigiously marketed towards adults and thats actually incredibly infamous for its smutty contents, what on earth are you talking about. Same with Colleen Hoover books, although I admittedly dont know if theyre usually categorized as YA or just A, but Ive seen people say "its bad that shes writing about abusive relationships in this way because most of the people reading it are teenagers bc theyre so popular on tiktok, so she has a moral responsibility" and its like, if theyre not categorized as YA then she has literally done all she can do to prevent teens from reading them, its not her fault theyre popular on "a plattform thats primarily popular with young people", which another thing that I find silly bc its like, basically every social media plattform is primarily popular with young people. And even if they are YA, she still doesnt have a moral responisibility bc teenagers can understand that fiction isnt reality but you already talked at length about that, so I wont repeat it

I did want to talk about something that bothers me about a lot of these recent dark romances that blow up both in normal booktok spaces and subsequently in booktok critical spaces that you didnt mention, and its the weird shallow faux-feminism. A really good example of what I mean is in Haunting Adeline (which i have not read because its not my thing, but ive seeing reviews of because I have my moments of haterism sometimes lol) which is a pretty hardcore dark romance (as far as mainstream books go anyway) that includes plenty of noncon- and very very very dubcon-stuff, including a scene where the love interest forces the FMC onto her knees to roughly face fu\ck her while talking about how he could easily just choke her to death, and while hes doing that, her internal monologue is basically "Ive chosen to be with this guy, i feel so empowered rn" and Im just like, man what are we doing here

I feel like that also comes from some kind of shame and the stigmatization of "problematic" sexual fantasies which feels like its increasing as these books get more and more attention. Like, back when they were obscure and pretty much only known to people who "get it" you could just kinda have these stories about women getting SAed and being totally helpless about it but enjoying it, like what you talked about with repressed women being able to live out sexual fantasies without admitting that they want to have sex because society shames them for that. But now theres all this criticism levied against those kinds of stories, and it basically comes in two flavours: outright misogyny which the broadly liberal only dark romance community feels very comfortable just dismissing and ignoring, and genuine feminist critique pointing out how regressive and misogynistic a lot of this stuff ends up being. And thats in part because a lot of the romance genre can essentially be seen as women coping with living in a patriarchal society, a lot of them are at a point where they cant/dont want to imagine being free from the patriarchy so they just fantasize about being fulfilled within the patriarchy while perfectly fulfilling the patriarchal society's gender roles, but unfortunately a lot of feminist critiques dont really get to that root issue, with a lot of people ending up claiming that these stories are responsible for the recent rise in conservative/tradwife bullshit when thats just not the case; the regressive fiction is not causing society to regress, the regressive fiction is just reflecting a regressive society.

But despite some of the flaws in a lot of the popular feminist critiques, they are still right about these popular dark romances portraying very sexist dynamics as good romantic endgames which are only very rarely adequately challanged or critized, and the broadly liberal dark romance community can obviously recognize that as bad. One thing that I think is important to keep in mind here is that a lot of the people who are deep in this discourse have a mindset where they believe that the ideology of the media they like is reflective of their own beliefs, ergo if you enjoy any media that can resonably be called misogynistic, youre a misogynist, so people in the dark romance community who think of themselves as progressive react poorly to it. Some people make no u-type arguments that are basically "well no, these books are written by women for women so they cant be misogynistic and in fact YOURE the misogynist for critizing them", but some people, specifically some writers, do end up feeling like they have to "rectify" this in their books. But because theyre not actually interested in writing stuff that breaks the typical sexist m/f romance mold, you just end up with some surface level feminist lipservice sprinkled into stories where it doesnt fit, just like in that Haunting Adeline-example I brought up earlier. All for the sake of attempting to somehow appease people who dont actually engage with the books in the first place, and to make people feel less guilty for their "problematic" reading habits when thats not even a problem in the first place because its literally just words and people's imagination

And what's the most frustrating thing about all of this, is that all this shaming of women for daring to be weird about sex in a society thats weird about sex and actively instills those attitudes in them, and all these puritanical arguments dont even actually lead to more feminist books or more feminist books becoming popular. Its still all the same bullshit with the super strong dominant muscular masculine males having sex with the way younger small dainty delicate girl who might be a bit more feisty and argumentative than theyve been in the past, but still ultimately submit completely and utterly to them and their strong dominant hotness, because obviously the things that are popular (and easy to read, which is very important in book-internet spaces because of the value being placed on reading a lot of books in a short time) are not going to be the things to truly challenge an audience

Anyway, I hope you didnt mind this very long comment but in my defense, this was a very long video and it made me think a lot ^^"

[thelovelylolly]

Hii, first of all congrats with ur followers, ur blog is awesome and u r so underrated! I was wondering if you could maybe do a frank castle x lil sister reader where frank after the accident with his family told her he didnt want her to have anything to do with her too "keep her safe" because we all know how he is like that. And then later on he finds out she became damn good navy pilot but got in a plane crash?

Sorry if this is too much lol ofcourse only write if you feel comfortable doing so :))

Fly Away

Summary : You brother, your best friend, pushes you way after losing his wife and kids to "keep you safe". But the next time Frank sees you, he may be too late. Warnings : you already know its angst time baby, mentions of death, mention of near-death experience, hurt/comfort, mentions of injuries, plane crash, platonic frank x reader! Notes : hi! thank you for the kind words and the request! i hope you enjoy it <3 (also sorry for taking so long to write and post this, ive been feeling under the weather for a few days but im feeling a bit better now!)

"You can't keep doing this, Frank! You can't keep pushing me away!"

You and Frank had been arguing with each other for at least an hour now. It had been a few months since he had lost his wife and kids, the funeral only being a week or so ago. He slowly drifted away from you in that time, trying to push you further and further away. As his only family left, you stayed by him through it all. You didn't want him to grieve by himself, you didn't want him to be alone.

"You don't understand," Frank grumbled in reply.

"I don't understand?! Tell me what I don't understand!"

"I've been fighting a war for years now and I come back to my family, to my wife, only for them to be taken away from me! I just got them back and now, they're gone! Every night, I have nightmares and now it's not just from those nights overseas. It's from that day at the park...the day I lost everything."

"But you didn't lost everything, Frank-"

"I did! I did lose everything that day! They were my everything. Maria, Lisa, and Frankie were my everything! They were my family, my life. They were the reason I fought for this country."

"So, what? A-am I nothing to you?" You asked, tears starting to sting your eyes. You didn't want to cry in front of your brother, but he just brushed you off like you were nothing. Like you were by his side through everything, through thick and thin.

"You know I don't mean it like that-"

"No, I know exactly what you mean. You don't want me here, you want me to leave you alone. Since you clearly don't care about me, I guess I'll be going."

You grabbed your bag and started towards the door. You knew Frank wanted to say something, but he just wouldn't. You stopped in front of the door, looking back at him.

"Maria was my sister. Lisa and Frankie were my niece and nephew. I loved them. They were my family, too. You weren't the only person who lost family that day."

With that, you left, slamming the door behind you. Frank stood still, holding back tears until your car drove off. Then, he broke down. He sat down on the couch and sobs racked his body. He shouldn't have said those things to you. You stayed by his side through everything and all he wanted to do was push you away, to keep you safe.

Frank got want he wanted and his house had never felt lonelier.

--

One year. One entire year passed since Frank heard from you. He was too busy seeking revenge for his family to try to contact you and if he did, it may put you in danger. Once he discovered what had really happened that day at the park and got the justice he wanted, Frank went underground.

He thought that was it. He would live with the nightmares of war and losing his family. He would live with the regret of pushing you away.

Until he saw a news story. 'TOP NAVY PILOT NEARLY KILLED IN CRASH.'

Frank thought it was nothing, but then he read the pilot's name. Your name. Frank immediately wanted to find you, to see you and apologize. He wanted to fix things before it was too late, but no one could reach him. He wasn't Frank Castle anymore.

So, he called in a favor from Madani. She helped him the best she could. She found the hospital you were at, scheduled a visit for him with his fake name, and made sure it would be private.

The day of the visit, Frank had drove to the hospital but hesitated going in. What if you didn't want to see him? Were you even conscious? How bad were your injuries? The thought of you laying limp in a hospital bed broke his heart. Maybe it was a bad idea to come-

No, he was your brother. He was the last of your family. He was going to see you.

Frank got out of the car and walked into the hospital, keeping his head low as he approached the front desk. The sweet lady at the front desk told him where your room was and he thanked her before going through the sterile halls.

He stopped in front of your door, your name being written on a small board in dry erase marker. No one else was in the hallway, but Frank could hear the hum of nurses and machines just around the corner. He kept looking at the room number and your name, like he was unsure if it was the right room.

Finally, Frank took a deep breath and pushed the door open. He braced himself for the worst. There you were, laying in a hospital bed with wires and tubes attached to you. You were looking out the window, at the sky. When the door shut, you finally looked over.

Your soft smile faltered when you saw Frank. You could already feel tears pooling in your eyes and your bottom lip begin to quiver. It took him a whole year and a near death experience to find you, but he was here now.

"Frank," you said softly, trying to smile through your tears.

Frank smiled back and quickly crossed the room to be at your side. He pulled up a chair and took your hand in his, running his thumb over the back of your hand.

"W-what are you doing here?" You asked, using your other hand to try to wipe away the tears that had slipped down your cheeks.

"I'm here to see you, I...I saw what happened and I was so scared that I would lose you. I-I needed to see you before it was too late," he answered, tearing up himself.

"I was scared I wasn't going to s-see you again, Frank. I thought I was going to d-die and never get to apologize."

"Apologize? Why would you have to apologize? I was the one acting like a jerk."

"I treated you unfairly, Frank. You were grieving and I wanted to be there, but you didn't need me there all the time. I should've just left you alone-"

"No. I should've let you stayed with me, I-I was being stubborn and I wish I didn't push you away. I regret that everyday."

You took a shaky breath and squeezed Frank's hand. "I wish I found you sooner. I missed you so much, Frank."

"I missed you, too."

He leaned forward and brushed a loose piece of hair out of your face and wiped some of the stray tears away. He then sat back in his chair, his hand still in yours. "So, flying, huh?"

You laughed. "Top of my class."

Frank stayed there for hours, holding your hand and talking to you. He missed this.

[danphantom]

oh hey i wanna talk abt smth thats been on my mind both lately and on and off for a while in general. sorry this ended up being a hella long post lol. but i have a lot to say

so...for context, ive been in the phandom for 10 years--since 2014--though it has admittedly been on and off in terms of engagement from me. in 2017 i got into dragon ball and all but dropped danny phantom completely with a few small drawings here and there. it was only like..within the past week that i actually got back into the phandom legitimately again, actively making art and posts about it and engaging with the source material and etc

anyway, i was obsessed with dp from 2014-late 2017 (until i got into dbz). i made lots and lots of fanart, played the gba games like all the damn time (i got to where i could speedrun tue lol), rewatched the show regularly...i was even one of those fans that bought obscure merch and learned useless trivia that ive since forgotten. in 2015 a lot of you may remember that i made @doppelgangercomic, a comic about an au i had where dan got a redemption arc (albeit a bumpy one) and future vlad was there and stuff happened (go read the comic LOL). it got a LOT of love and traction! it made me really happy to see all the positivity around my work like that :) i actually got a lot of positive responses towards my work in general. i had a really great time in the phandom back then

then i changed fandoms and kinda fell out of the phandom space. after being on a hiatus from the phandom until literally a week ago, i honestly have to say ive felt like i kind of...faded into obscurity in the phandom's eyes? basically i feel like old news. people dont generally know what doppelganger is now. they may have seen my art in passing here and there but they dont know who i am anymore. i think the only place people actively still find my old danny phantom art from when i was heavily active is...deviantart lol. i get notifications from favorites literally every day there. but uh anyway--im not saying this to garner pity or tell a sob story or anything! im just expressing some thoughts and feelings ive had for a long time lol.

the reason i bring this ^ up though, is because like...i know its not true? logically, i know that i DID make an impact in the fandom i loved/love so so much. i left my mark on both the fandom in an artistic sense, and also the people in the fandom, and sometimes i forget that because i get significantly less engagement on my posts than i used to. but i know that doesnt mean that people dont like my stuff anymore, or that ive been forgotten.

i actually got a message from someone today--a friend i made kinda recently who approached me bc they liked doppelganger actually. they told me that basically its surreal to them that theyre talking to me as a friend because they remember reading doppelganger when they were younger and looking up to me because of it. and it really reminded me of what i said previously--ive not been forgotten, and people still do appreciate and love what ive put out into the world (specifically about danny phantom in this case). ive made an impact on people's lives even when i dont realize it or see it physically. the message and sentiment made me feel really really good and nice and happy and honestly relieved, because the phandom and danny phantom as a media has been an extremely important and impactful part of my life ever since i got into it ten years ago. i literally changed my name to dan because of it lol. it was the reason i found stephen silver's work and went down that path of my art journey. its the reason i found so many amazing people and friends and artists and continue to do that even now. i owe a lot to danny phantom and the phandom as a whole, and i try to give back in the only ways i know how--mainly thru showing my passion through my art and posts.

anyway erm. yeah. all of this to say i wanted to thank yall--the phandom--for supporting me all this time, whether youve been with me from the beginning or if youre just joining me recently. youve been an absolute delight in my life and i know youll continue to be for a long time. :)

[bmpmp3]

ive loved it since i first heard it in project diva x years ago, but listening to Tsumi no Namae again (with slightly higher quality headphone audio rather than my vita speakers <3 ) i didnt realize just how crazy the production choices of this song is. wait hold on lemme hashtag musicpost for a minute. im busting out the timestamps

immediate tone setting. bagpipes??? or something like that right out the gate which is wild. clock winding, gear crunching, and real human woman whispering (i think in english but ive never been able to find official lyrics of that section) as well <3 im a sucker for using human voices with synth voices i think it adds a lot of neat texture

the instrument choices lean into a fantasy musical-esque soundscape for obvious reason (the whole song is basically a little original fable or myth type story complete with trickster goddesses and breaking fate's curses etc etc) but the composition is plenty pop rock which is a fun juxtaposition im always a fan of but like SPECIFICALLY those drums that start around a minute in. im not sure what it is, the speed? how loud and hard the drums are? it works so well to give it a forward momentum while also being a bit uncanny. maybe im just imagining how tired the drummers arms would be hitting at that speed and with that amount of power for this long........ but yeah it gives it this unexpected, sorta otherworldly feel, like its just a fraction of a fraction faster than you'd assume. theres like hints of clapping and stuff in there too i think? so much all together but so so so good

and speaking of how tired those drummers arms would be, i do love that this song is six and a half minutes, i love stuff over 5 minutes like YES i am going to waste SO MUCH TIME staring into space and listening really hard (i like to listen to songs on loop <3 half an hour is gonna go away in just a few plays) i love love love love love it

1:38 mark THE BANJO????

1:43 ouuhhhh that we-will-rock-you-type boom-boom-bap-type clap-clap-stomp percussion. ouhhhhhh yesssssssssssssssss.

1:50 the banjo and the flute are now making out in the background. they are making out sloppy style

2:00 there's like this drum breakdown thats incredibly poppy and rock-y which also goes back to the like fun blends of instrument choice and composition

2:23 am i crazy or is there like a tiny tiny little bit of like a static sound as a piece of percussion in this quieter bit... love a mix of fantasy with digital artefacting

2:45 IS THAT A HINT OF SOME MANNER OF BASS INSTRUMENT IN MY LEFT EAR I HEAR..........

3:50 WHAT is that little sound near the right.... it sounds like one of those medieval instruments but i cant remember which one.... and the banjo has made a return

3:58 THE BASS COMING IN ON THE LEFT

4:35 okay the whole bridge section is crazy but first of all. the dynamics between the deep bass-y sounds going between the two ears.

4:40 and what on EARTH is THAT. like a glitchy static-y bit of vocals going on both sides. AND the flute-y sounding thing is going NUTS up there

4:45 and this is what always makes me lose my mind. that really REALLY deep, circular, almost string sounding instrument? is that a god damn hurdy gurdy. i dont know much about instruments can you tell...... BUT for real that like again adds this haunting, extra bit of synthetic uncannyness to the medieval fantasy fable story

5:18 WHAT is that long like droning sound. is that also bagpipes. whats that classical piece thats supposed to teach you how to differentiate the parts of an orchestra. i need to drill that in my head im fighting for my life out here. ANYWAY those background notes with also these bits of like chattering? people talking or playing?

5:24 RANDOM BIT OF MEDIEVAL VIOLIN

6:08 and ending off with the glittering little chimes.... awesome

i dunno just holy shit man. this song goes everywhere it wants to. theres a banjo.

[jimiminily]

Hobi is officially discharged from the military! 🥳🎊

It has been 548 days/18 months/1.5 years

(Enlisted: april 18 2023

Discharged: october 17 2024, today!)

I'm HAPPYY that hobi is back seriously 😭😭 waiting till 3AM is always worth it to see them discharge from the military

He worked so hard and amazing im proud of him🥹🥹💜 im happy that nothing can separate him away anymore 🥹💜 I love you so much hobi, welcome back loml 🌸

Jin has planned on a special event for hobi and he'll actually be going to meet him and take him to the filming spot as soon as he's out!

JIN is going out to greet J-Hope who is being discharged around 10 AM KST!

However, the rest of the members except for Jin are all serving in the military, so they will likely not be seen at the site that day.

Remaining members left to discharge:

● Namjoon and Taehyung: 236 days left (june 10, 2025)

● Jungkook and Jimin: 237 days left (june 11, 2025)

● Yoongi: 247 days left (june 21, 2025)

And these are the links to the weverse posts and live from Hobi ♡ (added translations), also a link to BTS picture on twitter (Only jhope is on it)

@BTS_twt today's tweet on twitter/X

_______

[241017 J-hope Weverse Live: j-day]

🐿 everyone~ jhope is back!

🐿 ive discharged from military. wow i cant believe that this day came

🐿 wow 1 year 6 months.. is such a long time.. and during that time, to fulfill duties as a korean citizen, i was able to live as jung hoseok for these 1 year 6 months, and now i am back as jhope. it feels a bit new

🐿️ I keep saying this but thanks to you, I was able to come back safely.

🐿 i keep saying this, but due to your cheers and wishes, i was able to do well. lets now walk on a flower road. thank you so much. i havent been able to eat yet. i had so many things to do starting when i woke up

🐿 it was such a hectic day and morning aha. and it feels so new. even a week ago, i was like.. im discharging? but i was like oh im getting discharged now. i started thinking of my schedules, and how theres a lot to do

🐿️ Ah English! I'm ready.

🐿️ But realistically everyone, in the military, you can do many things, but you don't have the leisure.

🐿️ I was so physically tired. I would want to study but after working with the soldiers, but as an assistant drill instructor, I had more time I had to work. And to study afterwards? It was hard

🐿 hobi is talking about his experience as an assistant drill instructor and how he would have to wake the other soldiers up in the morning and woke up early and just telling us about how he worked hard while in the military!

🐿 i'm looking at myself in the video right now and you guys might not be able to tell but i gained some weight. i need to work out and lose weight.. (HUUH?!!!! pls he looks goodㅜㅜㅜㅜ what!@?E$~!@)

🐿️ Wow it's been a really long time since I saw "Purple You"!

🐿️ Will this fit? They all wrote me a message one by one.

🐿️ My memories are here. They have pictures too.

🐿️ Whenever we had a march, we would eat together. In the winter it's quite cold and we would eat oden. You can see here. This is how I lived. I might shed tears

🐿️ I'll tell you one more thing. They say that after coming back from the military, that's the only thing you can talk about.

🐿️ It was fun because of these guys. Our age difference was like 10yrs. They were young kids. They were cute and good guys.

🐿 and txt also sent me this! *shows flower bouquet and letter* thank you so much!

🐿️ I received this today, but our TXT kids gave me this. There's a reason they're doing well.

🐿 "hobi hyung thank you so much thank you for protecting our country" aha who is this? oh i think its kai

🐿 ah i cant believe it. im doing this live so that you can look at me. but ill be preparing for my activities and such. ill take off this hat and ill prepare to show you an awesome jhope. thank you so much and i love you

🐿 challenge. thats right in a way this was a challenge. i entered military and trained, and was assigned my role and bunk.. ah i cant forget it.. but did you know? i wrote a diary during the time in the military. i wrote about one thing i regretted. i didnt bring a water bottle

🐿 i heard seokjin hyung wanted to do something once im discharged? oh do it, do anything~

🐿️ "Let's make a time for just us."

🐿️ Absolutely. What we have left for us is time.

🐿️ "Can we hear your signature greeting?"

🐿️ Yes, let's finish with this.

🐿️ I'm your hope. You're my hope. I'm J...!

🐿️ I'll show you many cool and great activities. Thank you for your love and support and attention. Heart! Here is my last heart as a soldier. Bye!

- end -

[uarmyhope instagram post]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by jhope (@uarmyhope)

Once again, welcome back 🥹💜 im happy that he's back healthy and happy🥰💕

[girlhorse]

I understand you might not want to share, but if you dont mind, what happened? no judgment of course shit happens

under cut bc its long and boring kinda but i need to vent lol

it's like... literally nothing. not even interesting really. when i got hurt last week it was while breaking company safety policy - in the salon I'm in, literally everyons breaks several policies daily, bc our manager doesn't enforce them and most of us including me don't know the actual rules because of this. I got "caught" essentially because i got injured, so now my boss has been giving me so much shit for it. I'll concede that i knew i was breaking the rules leading up to the incident, but it was a rule i thought was "safe" to break in that particular salon bc i was told it was ok by another employee that worked there.

fwiw i still don't think what i did caused the incident to occur, they are only related in that they happened close together. and it doesnt matter if they're not related bc corporate will see them as related either way

on top of this my boss since i started has been really hard on me for seemingly no reason. She called me rude & irritating to my face many times, which stopped after we had a meeting with the gm. she consistently has accused me of things i havent done and has it in her head that I'm slow at my job and incompetent.

I struggle to understand what she wants from me. Recently I left late due to being stuck on a difficult groom that was taking a long time, ans her response was to accuse me of purposely staying late (again mind you) in order to make more money ig. She then continued to threaten me with retraining. today i left on time despite having a busy day, after asking her if she wanted me to stay and clean or if she wanted me to clock out. she told me to clean my station and leave. i did that and I left, and after i left she got mad that i didnt clean and asked me to come back to clean which regrettably i did go back to do like..off the clock lol.

today was the first time ive worked with her since i got injured and since she became like... mad at me about it idk. and shes been kind of being snippy more than anything..i literally had a nightmare about working today last night bc I've been so out of my mind anxious all weekend (her way of communicating that I'm in trouble is to just hint at a looming meeting, tell me shes unhappy and like let me fuckin simmwr with rhat for hours or days) and while she disnt outright yell at me or anything today she just kept making snide remarks or criticizing me constantly, not just privately but in front of others too. today was just so busy and i was anxious and fawning the whole damn day because of it and im exhausted. i worked so hard and did my damn best to please her like..almost subconsciously. i felt like i was dissociating. i was very anxious all day and frazzled and had trouble focusing. it ended up getting me in trouble during closing too.

its just really frustrating bc it only seems to happen to me. My othsr coworkers stay late with her on busy days. and i feel confused about what she expects from me.

[stemmmm]

i got back from a week long trip so now i've had plenty of time to ruminate on things and im finally ready to see what the fuck this guy has been trying to cook

episode 7 post

ep1 ep2 ep3 ep4 ep5+6

i think i saw a drawing of this guy earlier today except he had boobs

so lion's pretty obviously supposed to be the baby from 19 years ago, right.

ay ay aY AY AY

oh bah, the way it started out as just the last word in caps for a couple lines made me think dlanor was disguised as shannon or something but nah shes just like a robot or possessed for something.

i feel like ive been told explicitly 15 times that beato was the original beatrice's daughter who kinzo believed was her reincarnated, as if this is the first time im being given this information

damn bro you look hideous

alright so we're positing that original beatrice was enough of a fascist that she stuck to mussolini even after the rest of the country gave up? ok.

alright alright alright we're talking about whether the axis were cowards based on whether or not they surrendered and how alright.

REALLY FUNNY FOR THE V/O TO STILL BE FULLY JAPANESE WHEN HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE SPEAKING ENGLISH. OH BUT "I CANNOT SPEAK ENGLISH" IS?

interesting that this beatrice is using the baby beato voice. I've been trying to get the logic of it, and the best I can figure is that its just... to differentiate? differentiate WHAT exactly, whether its between human beatrices or just the humans and the witch im not sure yet. but I miss her other voice :( the flashback we got of her earlier that I didn't mention also used this voice even though im fairly certain the original version didn't.

i get that its for plot contrivances because beatrice had to get here somehow but WHY on EARTH would someone bring their daughter on an armed military vessel in the middle of a massive war. also because i touched on it earlier i'd like to clarify, i get that the participants in war are not necessarily people who agree with any of it. and even then, your circumstances of birth and pressure from your family will put you in situations out of your control (given, thats what this whole thing has Been About). idk i dont want it to come across as i don't get what's going on or like im an idiot or something. i may also be a bit defensive because i haven't really enjoyed the reading process terribly much in a while and didn't appreciate some of the feedback i've gotten in regards to "just keep reading, you'll like it, youll understand" because i dont think its properly come across that i think i Do understand, im just squicked the fuck out by a lot of things in part 6 and so far haven't seen anything that would allegedly turn my opinion around that much. but there's still a lot left in this to go. im just. bored honestly.

REALLY funny how much "bice" comes off sounding like bitch. all my friends at home call me bitch

oh my god also hilarious. the golds in the submarine isnt it.

EVEN IF ITS A TOP SECRET BASE WHY THE FUCK DONT YOU HAVE A DOCTOR?

anybody else have to stop and hold their head for a minute every time wildly specific gun specs are listed for no reason whatsoever

anyways this fight over the gold is fun, i figured something was gonna have to happen that got everyone else off that island and left the gold, so this makes as much sense as anything. and feeling the drive to live despite it all after seeing genuine bloodshed for the first time is a little overdone but just fine.

*curb your enthusiasm theme starts playing* well at least he insisted on taking her to a doctor

ohhhhh we're confirming beato is really and for true kinzo's biological daughter *head in handssss*

PLEASE STOP PINCHING THIS MAN'S ASS!!!

oh my god, first acknowledgement that battler isn't here. i kinda figured since he's always been kinzo's mirror of sorts, he wasn't gonna be here because kinzo was alive. like there's no reason for that to be the case, but to me the logic felt sound. battler and kinzo haven't been in the same place at the same time, at least not in 1986. and it seems that will continue to be the case !!

STOP PINCHING EVERYONES ASSES

lion sucks, actually. wretched personality.

i was holding back on making a joke about how maria talks about beato the way christian billboards exclusively go on about how there's "evidence god exists" or whatever, but now she's reciting the bible word for word so i dont know what to do with my point but i have to share it now. i do like that her point seems to be that because maria doesn't have a father, she is jesus. good for you girl.

BEATOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. and with the voice! ok so definitely that's the witch's voice.

alright this whole scenario can be argued as maria having an imaginary friend about it but if that piece of candy that beato told her to keep as a souvenir and not eat is still in maria's bag, magic is fucking Real.

also beato telling maria to practice basic hygene as her witch traini-- *has a jimmy neutron style brain blast and remembers the 1 (one) shinto shrine i've visited* OH, NO THIS IS A SHINTO THING. OK HELL YEAH. more of beato the "western" witch using japanese magics. i see i see i see.

fellas i may just like witch beato

[unwelcome-ozian]

hey so i have a question and idk if this is an ask youre ok with answering, if not its fine- but so a week or so ago my mom offhandedly made a really weird really specific joke about me being fed balloons to traffic drugs as a child, and then immediately before i even said anything, started really aggressively saying she was joking and when i joked that it was a little suspicious that she was so aggressive about clarifying it was a joke, she said (slight paraphrasing) “well i thought i should say it because otherwise you’d be like ‘oh i don’t remember my childhood, did that actually happen?,,’” and then basically called me crazy by comparing me to a really notoriously eccentric friend i have, and when i called her out on it she accused me of being the one who was calling him (and myself) crazy, then when i said she was acting weird she started getting really flustered and it was super awkward and she was over explaining in a way she only does when she’s lying or trying to cover her ass, she kept giving me reasons that i wasn’t a drug mule as a child, and then she left extremely quickly and unnaturally after the whole interaction. I don’t have any memories of this, but the whole thing left me feeling extremely uneasy in a way i usually am not. I felt like I was in danger the rest of the night and even ended up sleeping with a weapon, which to be fair is a feeling i’ve had before but it’s never been exactly like this. I really felt like i found something out that i wasn’t supposed to, and that they would kill me for it. i do have ocd and this could’ve just been that, but it was weird. it felt more real and ive been very off balance since this, feeling very unsafe everywhere i go. i have a weapon by my bed at all times now just in case, but i have no idea why i am doing this because i have no memory of having any reason to. 

im very polyfragmented (dont know why or what caused it, know i experienced some kind of severe childhood abuse but generally don’t remember anything from childhood before age 10) and i’ve been splitting much more than usual since this, idk why.

I have been badly triggered by mention of organized crime and drug rings in the past but i assumed it was just because it was a heavy topic. I also have symptoms and vague memories of csa, as well as csem/csam. some of my alters are intensely triggered by the word magazine, i dont know why.

i am having trouble getting this out, i feel like my mind is trying to stop me if that makes any sense,  i feel like im sealing. my fate by typing this. i dont think i am but its a very heavy feeling. i just want to know if this is something i should actually be concerned about, or if i am just crazy and an attention seeking liar making up false stories for pity. my parents dont seem capable of anything like this at all, and i know i at least had a regular side of my life as a child with friends and school and stuff, but for some reason I’m scared and have been scared since my mom mentioned it, and i just need to know if this anything i should be worried about, or look into, or anything. if theres a possibility i experienced something awful and don’t remember it at all. its been really bugging me and scaring me for a bit,

im sorry this is a really long confusing ask, youre free to delete it. my mind is quite jumbled. sorry

No worries about the length of the ask. I want to assure you that you can write as much as you feel comfortable with.

I agree with you, it is an odd joke that your mother made. There is a saying that behind a joke there is some truth in it. 

Ultimately you know your mother. Does she often turn things around on you when you have disagreements? From what you described it sounds like gas-lighting.

Feeling safe is so important. I understand the need/feeling/desire to sleep with a knife. Feels safe, I get it.  My question is, who are “ they”? Who would try to kill you?

Which leads me back to safety. If you are physically safe, which only you can answer, and have been then you are likely safe.  If not, what things do you feel you are able to do to work towards safety?

There are parts in your system who do remember the abuse and what occurred. With time perhaps they will share those things.

Take your time in deciding what you want to do. The choice is yours to make. There is something awful that occurred that led to you living with DID.

Take care,

Oz

[red-dyed-sarumane]

what if i went off about some of my favorite songs ever

kyuuyaku hankagai - hiiragi magnetite: everyone knows i love this. i just love everything about it. we really get both sides of the picture story wise with it- both the fact the world is literally, physically getting destroyed, and all of the mental torment the characters are dealing with. it still has that magu series weird wording but it gets everything across that it needs to. the instrumental is just as heavy as the scenario with added dramatics in parts that really make it for me. all the long notes to simulate screaming. the seamless addition of both the nami no ne no & rute furute woa motifs (& a possible 3rd? theres still parts in here i cant figure out yet) makes me so emotional. if u have no idea about the series its still a solid song. 10000/10 i cannot fully express my love for this song in words i just need it on repeat full volume for weeks on end.

ai wo - null: impossible for me to explain why i love this so much without oversharing. i keep telling myself not to rank this song so high but ive never felt so seen before. null's lyrics are both poetic & still hit every raw emotion where it hurts. the whole being left alone ur whole life & wishing it wasnt that way, that everything wasnt so empty, that someone could love u the way u need & never got. i want everyone to hear this song and i also want to gatekeep it. it became so important to me in such a short time & itll be hard to ever rival it

arikitari heroes - 150suzu: im not immune to nostalgia. shuuenpro is executed entirely different to aru sekai series & i have to judge from entirely different criteria & that said i really always loved how this one sort of summarized the series in a way that highlighted all the strife in it & made it subjective rather than an objective summary. the chorus is so high its like theyre crying out which fits entirely. i still have the video embedded in my mind & its been a hot minute since ive watched it. my teenage self thought it was so deep & even with a different perspective now i cant entirely discount those feelings. anyway i still really love it i could still listen to it for weeks on end if i wasnt busy keeping up with other things. i do not say it lightly when i say this is the song i have listened to the most in my entire life i used to spend Months straight listening to it. beloved.

tachiiri kinshi - mafumafu: i was sooooooo normal about this in high school (lying). its still high on my list of breakdown songs. like damn its been 8 years and it still holds up the same. between this & ai wo that just gives away 90% of my problems. imagine solving isolation by letting people in cant be me. anyway i was obsessed with drawing the girl from the video for a while idk how many doodles i still have left but she was Everywhere on my school work. normal person behavior.

jishou mushoku - nekobolo: song that has pulled the most weight in keeping me alive. where would i be without it. sometimes the mood is so bad this is still the only thing i can listen to some days.

rokuchounen to ichiya monogatari - kemu: the real reason i fell down the voca rabbit hole. still adore the song & find it hugely nostalgic, but there was a reason i connected with it when i was younger & being able to recognize how fucked up that was makes it also a painful reminder id rather bury. song fucks tho love how every rhythm game its in will destroy u trying to play it.

konmei no aji - savasti: regardless of the real meaning of the song this will always be a dissociation song to me not in the sense it makes me dissociate but rather in the spaceyness & disconnect it reminds me of the feeling but in a safer way to deal with it. personally i prefer rire's cover

taishou x - yurry canon: u will appreciate this song now right now its so under appreciated for a yurry canon song. god the fucking "i'm still living the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. as it is i will never be you. theres no reason in living, but just the same theres no point in dying is there?" [punching a wall] i like it a normal amount

kaiko no kanmuri - dopam!ne: god this song fucks so hard and yet its still edgy. i dont even really know how to explain what i feel with this one beyond i love it. its a kind of waiting for the right time to strike for revenge kinda song? idk its my absolute fave dopam!ne song i love a lot of his songs but this one just really does it for me

haru no sekibaku - inaba kumori: kutabireta atashi ga dame dattan da ne. yeah. the overall mood of this song hits just right all too often. sorry lag train this is the defining inabakumori song to me.

hyperlexia - yamaji: the space in this one also gives me a sense of vague dissociation. i just really love the whole reading between the lines not going to fall for lies anymore mood its got going on. a misguided sense of personal revolution that probably wont end in anything meaningful but i particularly like the song.