#the purest and most heartbreaking character ever

[justarabidlittleyingzhao]

灼灼风流 The Legend of Zhuohua (2023)

Xu Haiqiao as Shen Jinghong | Weibo

[charlie-lec-stories]

Some Odd Numbers are Even // CL16 & MV1

Pairing: Charles Leclerc / Original Female Character / Max Verstappen

Summary: Max knows that he's always been in love with his best friend, even if she was driving for the enemy, and he could live with that, but her dating the rival he has a crush on it's where he draws the line.

Warnings: Some angst, but they all take it like champs. Max kisses people when he's drunk. Some sexual comments.

Author’s Note: I had to work on this one a lot to make it fit the theme of the blog, but it motivated me to keep editing my stories, this is the beginning of everything. Rate: +18

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When Max Verstappen met Y/N he was the most hormonal 15 years-old on Earth, or at least that's how his father called him, always running around chasing girls instead of focusing on what was important. He has to admit that his head wasn't filled with the purest thoughts when they got introduced by their mutual friend, Pierre, but when she humiliated all the boys on the track winning by almost twenty seconds, he knew he fell hard. She called him her best friend the second time they hung out and, to Max's dismay, their destiny seemed to have been sealed. Best friends. He hated it, but he would take what he could get. With time, he learned to live with it. She was the first person he told he was feeling "confused", as he initially called it, and then the first he decided to let know that he was bisexual when he finally understood it. He was glad that she took it great and she was kind of surprised that he ever thought she could get mad about him liking people. They enjoyed gossiping around and sharing their opinions on the different people they liked, but he never dared to tell her how he felt about her. She has had at least five boyfriends and countless one-night stands since they met and everything always ended up in heartbreak for her. He spent years wanting to scream "I'm here, just look at me", but she never looked his way, at least not like he wanted. Still, he tried to be supportive, because she still was his best friend and his massive crush on her wasn't her fault. He was supportive when she dated that weird dude from Canada who was obsessed with her hair, when she told him that she wanted to learn how to play the guitar and when she decided that she wanted to drive for Mercedes in F1. He was still a little pissed off that she signed with Mercedes, but he took it like a big boy.

However, there was something they could never see eye to eye about and that something was actually a someone: Charles Leclerc. Max and Charles had quite the history when it came to their relationship, they were rivals above all but, unknown to Charles, the monegasque was also Max's bi awakening when they were 16. The dutch took his time getting there, but he ended up understanding that even though he was constantly wanting to rip Charles' head off, he also find him attractive. Of course, that didn't make Max like the other, he knew the difference between finding someone good looking and liking them at all. Would he have sex with Charles? Probably, in another universe. Did he stopped disliking Charles? No, definitely no. But his best friend adored Charles. Y/N could write a whole encyclopedia about Charles, she was in love with him, but Charles was that unreachable entity that never looked at her as more than Pierre's friend. He was always nice to her, attentive, charming, funny, even warm. He liked her, not the way she liked him, but he liked her anyways. The three of them were trapped in this weird triangle and Max hated it. He hated Charles for getting the attention he wanted and for getting even hotter with time. But for Max things only got worse.

They were all 24 and it was the first time in a long period that the three of them were single simultaneously. Charles had broken up with his girlfriend of two years before the start of the season, Y/N was on a celibacy run since the beginning of the year and Max broke up with his latest boyfriend who he only dated for three months. On the first race of the season he noticed that the Ferrari driver was a recurring character at the Mercedes garage. For a moment, Max thought that Charles was considering moving to Mercedes, but he soon found out that the Ferrari driver had other intentions.

"... And then I said "I'm coming on your camera, mate". Never felt so stupid in my life". Y/N laughed at Charles' story and Max could feel his blood boil inside his veins. "But well, at least I wasn't the one who suggested to milk the goats on Goat Simulator". He added softly looking at George Russell, Y/N teammate, and making the girl giggle.

"Good to know you're funny, Leclerc, now you can make a career in stand-up when you finally fail making one in racing". Charles rolled his eyes and then smirked.

"Look at that, Mr. World Champion is scared of a little competition". Charles taunted him. "What is it, Verstappen? Afraid of me stealing the title this year?"

"Okay, enough of the testosterone battle". Y/N cut them off before Max could reply. "Neither of you got the bigger stick".

"Are you sure about that, Cherie?". Max was five second away from murder. The wink was like playing with fire, but Charles did it anyways. The championship wasn't the only thing he was stealing from Max that year. "Never say things like that without proof".

That same night, around 4 am, Max opened his hotel room to an extremely happy Y/N: "You won't guess who helped me break my celibacy streak". Well... he could guess.

By summer break Charles and Y/N were officially the paddock's favourite couple, for everyone except Max. He was furious about it, and Charles fighting him the championship so closely wasn't exactly helping. Even the fans could see how much Max resented the relationship between his known best friend and rival. Every podium, cool down room and interview that included the two was filled with drama. Petty comments, eyes rolling, arms crossed and even once, Max calling Charles an idiot. But what Max didn't want to admit was that the more he was forced to spend time with Charles, the more he started to like him. He was funny and Max found himself having to suppress a laugh at one of his jokes more than once. He was also extremely good at racing and that was something that Max liked, it was the first thing that made him fall for Y/N in the first place. Also, his best friend was constantly telling him how nice Charles was to her: romantic, loving, caring. And even if Max didn't like it, he could see that Charles actually cared about Y/N, he could see that Charles was in love with her. It broke his heart, it pained him like anything before. He thought he could take it, that he was mature enough to let her go and be happy for her. But he couldn't, so he decided to put some distance, to take care of himself and protect his heart.

The second part of the season was intense. Max won his second championship, but he had put so much distance between him and his best friend that she wasn't there to celebrate with him. She was at the Ferrari garage, hugging a defeated Charles and running her hands up and down his back. The monegasque had the prize that Max wanted the most and, suddenly, the award on his hands wasn't that important. Not when she was there, supporting him. It hurt to watch, her kissing Charles and hugging him tight. Charles smiling at her, nodding his head as he accepted her words of encouragement. She was probably giving him the same speech she gave Max when he first started in F1. "You're more than enough". "Your time will come". "You have what you need to be a champion". He could remember it like it was yesterday when she would ran her fingers through his hair, his head on her lap, softly crying, the ghost of another DNF haunting him. It always worked though, her mumbled sweet words, fixing his broken ego and shattered heart. No matter the distance, Max just couldn't let her go and now he had nothing, not even his best friend. Around Christmas he had come to the conclusion that the main reason why he hated Charles and Y/N's relationship so much was because he didn't know if he wanted to be her to date Charles or be Charles to date her. He liked them both, and if learning he was bi was shocking back in his teenage years, addressing the fact that he liked two people at the same time was even more. So he did what he did best when it was off season, he got drunk. Shit-faced drunk, so wasted that he couldn't remember his own home address.

The red door in front of him was familiar and for a moment he wondered if he actually made it home. That door made him feel home, somehow. He knocked on the door a few times. His head was spinning and thinking hurt his brain. The door swung open, his best friend was looking up at him worried from the other side of it. He didn't think it through, he just grabbed her face and smashed his lips on hers. For a moment, he thought he could feel her kiss back, but as quick as the kiss started, it ended. With a mumbled "You don't know what you're doing" and sad expression on her face, Y/N led him inside and dropped him on the couch. Charles was sitting there, without a shirt and looking at him with a pissed off expression. Max had lost whatever self control he had and the words just started pouring out of his mouth like a river.

"What are you looking at, Leclerc?". He asked, words slurred.

"You just kissed my girlfriend". Charles knew it was pointless to argue with Max on that state, but he was as angry as his face showed.

"Deal with it". Max rested his head on the back of the couch and closed his eyes. "And put on a shirt, for fuck's sake, or I'm kissing you too".

For Max, there weren't many feelings worse than a hungover. It was easily on his top 5, along with heartbreak, losing at basically anything, visiting his father and eating tuna, not in that specific order. He did the best he could to look around but the sunlight was burning his eyes off, figuratively, but he felt it literally. The feeling of the furniture underneath him was oddly familiar and the smell in the air was definitely Y/N's. For a moment, he closed his eyes and decided to go back to sleep, satisfied with the feeling of being home. Suddenly, he remembered that he shouldn't be there. Sitting straight up, he found himself ready to throw up from the sudden movement. He took a look at his surroundings, Y/N's home was different from when he last remembered, a few months back. A lot of Ferrari merchandizing adorned the living room and a few framed pictures on the walls showed Charles' smiling face. Max felt the pain in his chest when he noticed that she still had up all of their pictures together. He was the most horrible friend on Earth, she loved him and he pushed her away. A picture in particular caught his attention, it was a podium from the first half of the season, in Silverstone. The three of them got into the podium on that occasion and Max had agreed to take the picture without much drama. Y/N was in the middle and both Max and Charles had their arms around her waist. They all looked genuinely happy. Max couldn't help but feel like he messed everything up, he was the only one to blame for that being the only picture they all had together. The only one, and Y/N had it hanging on her living room like it was a moment as cherished as the other life changing moments hanging on those walls. He couldn't take it anymore, he had to get out of that house. He picked up his phone and wallet from the coffee table, but his keys were nowhere to be found. He searched the whole living room desperately for almost fifteen minutes.

"You're awake". Max stopped moving at the voice of Charles ringing through the air, deep and raspy from sleep. The dutch was currently kneeled in front of the couch, trying to see if his keys were underneath it, and his back was facing Charles. He took a deep breath before he stood up and faced him.

"Yeah...". Was the only thing that Max could manage. He wanted to spit a mean comment, say something sassy enough for Charles to go away, but after seeing all of the monegasque's belongings so naturally laying around the house he didn't have the heart to disrespect him in what was undoubtedly his home.

"You had quite the night last night". Charles walked further into the living room, looking at Max with a puzzled gaze. "Do you remember anything from it?"

"Well, the last clear memory is downing something that tasted awful". Max scrunched his face remembering the taste.

"You came here around 4 in the morning-". Charles stopped talking suddenly. His tone insinuated that he had planned to say more, but he backed out last minute. He was visibly tense.

"I'm sorry". It was the first time Max had ever apologized to Charles in over ten years knowing each other.

"For how long had you liked Y/N?". To say that Max was taken aback by the question would be an understatement. His hungover head tried to think of an excuse, something that could spear him from admitting the truth. Charles could practically see the gears turning inside his head. "Don't bother lying. We know".

"We?". Max was pretty pale, but he managed to get paler.

"Listen". Charles relaxed a bit, moving closer to the couch. "You may don't believe this, but I actually like you, Max. I know that we don't have the best relationship, I'm willing to meet you half way, but I can't do that if you're not honest".

"There's no point in that anymore". Max admitted plopping himself on the couch. "She hates me. I'm the last threat to your relationship, Charles".

"She doesn't hate you. She loves you. Which is kind of awkward because she's my girlfriend". Charles sat next to Max on the couch, the other looking at him with a confused expression. "You kissed her last night".

"Fuck". Max hid his face on his hands. "I'm so sorry, Charles". Twice in less than 30 minutes?

"She kissed you back". There was this tension between them, neither knew what to do with the conversation. "We talked about it when we went to bed". Charles shifted on the couch. "It was an interesting conversation though. We freely left out some things we were hiding". Max sat straighter and looked at Charles, trying to show him that he was actively listening. "Like the fact that we both have had a crush on you for ages". That was something unexpected. "I know that I hasn't been the kindest guy to you through the years, and this doesn't excuse it, but it was really confusing when all of this started happening and I wasn't sure of what to do with it". Max remained silent. "You can say something, you know?"

"I don't know what to say". Max was perplexed. "I guess I just have so much to say that I don't know where to start".

"Morning". Y/N's voice softly entered their charged atmosphere. She walked to the couch and sat down, reading their conversation on their faces. "Are we talking about it right now?"

"I hope you don't mind, but we started without you, mon amour". Charles grabbed her hand and lightly squeezed it.

"I don't mind". She sighed deeply. "Max, we've talked and we want to propose you something". Max nodded his head. "We both really like you, like really like you-"

"Already went through that, amour, he's still processing it". Charles chuckled.

"Oh, okay. To the point then?". She asked mostly to herself. "We know that this is kind of weird and you may not be into it, Charles himself is still working on the idea, but we'd like to know if you'll be interested into adding yourself to this". She pointed between herself and Charles. Max kept quiet.

They waited patiently for Max to gather his thoughts, they knew that it was a lot to take in and they weren't aware of his crush on Charles, so there was also this fear of him not liking Charles back. They spent the night talking, went through all the options: ignore it, break up, take some time, open the relationship, and lastly, they ended up with the only option that made them happy. They both liked Max, they both wanted to be with him, but they loved each other and hated the idea of breaking up so one of them could date Max. Charles had a few contradictions with the idea, he was too wired into monogamy and found the idea uncomfortable, but at the same time he felt like it was the right choice, the one that could make him feel complete. He still had a lot to think about but he wanted to give it a try. Y/N was more open to the concept, she was more in touch with her feelings and less into monogamy than Charles.

"I have been in love with you for so long". Max said softly out of the blue. His eyes met Y/N's when she looked at him. "You have no idea. No idea how much I dreamt about you saying that back to me". He clicked his tongue. "Do you remember when I was 16 and I told you that I saw a guy and felt weird?". Y/N nodded her head. Of course she remembered when he first came out to her. "It was Charles. We had had the most intense race ever, I was just so pumped up, the adrenaline so high. And he took off his helmet and all I could think about was punching his face and then kiss it". Chales, who had been looking at his lap since Max confessed his love for Y/N, looked up at Max.

"For that long?". Charles asked. Max nodded.

"It was my bi awakening". The three of them laughed softly. The air became lighter around them.

"I always thought it was Pierre, you know?". Y/N told Max.

"Oh God, no! I mean I love Pierre, but c'mon, you both are more my type". Max said with more confidence.

"Does that mean that you're in?". Charles asked. Max looked between him and Y/N a few times and then smiled wide.

"Yeah, I'm in".

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Okay! So, this is the beginning of the relationship. remember that none of these stories are published in chronological order. They are just short stories about different situations those three went though. I hope you like it!

[biantianyang]

hey, love, decided to send this ask to the appropriate blog lol

i've been meaning to get into tgcf possibly after finishing svsss so not soon, really, but i have a question. basically all i know about it that would deter me is that it gets quite heartbreaking (and you probably know i usually go for lighter stuff) so what i'm hoping for here is more or less you to hype me up to go through it 😂cause obviously you recommend it so i'd be thankful for a lil spoiler-free love letter to the novel 👉👈 if possible <3

Hey petri!!! I can totally give u a love letter to tgcf bc there’s so much to love!! <33

So, yes, it’s a long novel which means there’s gonna be some heartbreaking moments along the way, but that’s not at all the key point of the novel. One of my favorite ways to describe tgcf comes from mxtx, the author, herself:

This is a love story. It's about gentleness, dreams, something never to be given up on, and someone never to be forgotten.

At its core, tgcf is about love and devotion. Pretty much anyone who’s ever talked to me about tgcf would know I think of hualian as symbolic for devotion at its purest form (which is also my fav dynamic hehe). There are a lot of other really interesting themes/topics like perception & presentation of identity (in relation to disguises, gender, etc.), luck, friendship, and more! The main characters Xie Lian and Hua Cheng are developed really well and some of my favs are the side characters <3 Also, tgcf is funny. Even after like some MAJOR devastating bits it’ll switch to comedy and it works! You’ve read some mxtx so you’ll be familiar with her writing style and the world building which would make reading it a lot easier. Just know that even when something tragic happens, something more hopeful & satisfying will likely come after.

Tgcf is kinda long, but there’s no rush to read it. I took slightly under a month by reading ~10 chapters a day and honestly? That was the most invested I’ve felt in a book for a WHILE. I’m sure whenever you get to it you’ll love it!! Also, if you start it and ever need someone to talk to I’m totally here for it hehe

[taylortruther]

The hardest part about rereading the trilogy was that I didn't enjoy Northen Lights as much because I wanted Will. He's such a fantastic character and his relationship with his mother is fascinating.

There's so many mentions of cats regarding Will and I love this because his dæmon settles as a cat. It's like he's connected to cats on a spiritual level (do you think we can use this to convince Taylor to read the books). One of my favorite moments is when he meets Lyra for the first time he describes that "he stayed calm and quiet as if she were a strange cat he was making friends with." His soul is a cat and the first thing he thinks about Lyra when he meets her is that she's like a cat.

And when the children in Cittagazze hurt the cat and Will immediately defends it and Lyra's convinced for a moment that that is his dæmon. And when Lyra wonders what his dæmon is and decides "whatever its form was, it would express a nature that was savage, and courteous, and unhappy."

One of my favorite characterization of his is his ability to be unnoticeable, which is almost like the magic Serafina can do. It's such a catlike ability! And it's such a heartbreaking little detail to add to a character that spent most of his life trying to avoid social service separating him from his mother.

There's a moment in the book when they realize the words anbar/amber and electric mean opposite things in the world and I always remembered this scene because 1. It's funny and 2. It's such a small worldbuilding detail and I love this shit. There's also a scene where Lyra finds the idea of wearing pants as a girl completely outrageous that's so funny.

I love how Pullman uses dæmons to describe intimacy like that moment when Will panics because he's the bearer of the knife and Pan puts his head on his lap to comfort him and it's such a crucial moment in the book because Pan wouldn't have done that to anyone else, but Lyra's own soul is desperate to comfort Will (much to her surprise).

"I think Lyra's braver than me. I think she's the best friend I ever had." I lose my mind every time I see a quote that immediately makes me think about that best friend line in You Are In Love.

There's a lot of Lee Scoresby in this book and his relationship with Lyra is so wholesome. It's kind of wicked of Pullman to have Lee say he considers Lyra his daughter and then kill him off. Just another parental figure who dies without Lyra ever knowing.

But at least all the scenes with Lee gave me some great quotes like "You are an enemt of the church, Lee Scoresby." (Icon) and "we're renegades. Not by our choice, but by their malice." and "shame to die with one bullet left, though."

And the funniest line I've ever read in a book:

"What do you mean, a palaeo-archeologist? Archeologists already study what's old; why do you beed to put another word meaning old in front of it?"

The book also presents Mary Malone and I don't have much to say about her but she is one of the best characters ever and I'm kind of obsessed with her discovering a means to communicate with angels and them just being like "you're a snake" (she would've loved reputation). But seriously I love how criticial of religion this book is that it presents the serpent as a positive influence. The serpent is a sweet and kind doctor who's willing to work hard to communicate with new civilization. She introduces Lyra and Will to love which is the purest thing in the world.

I LOVE THAT PART with the amber/anbar! and i love how pullman on occasion describes something without actually describing the thing. he does it here, where he says they look at each other with the same expression. but he doesn't describe the expression - because he knows the reader is also feeling what will and lyra are feeling so there's no need. the reader can fill in the blank. it's just so clever.

you know what part i love, speaking of mary? how she's telling will and lyra about the moment she felt desire - with the marzipan - and lyra describes feeling as if she's a house whose windows and doors have all been opened. like this knowledge just opens her and frees her! all from a story, the same way that the harpies will free the ghosts by telling them stories to lead them to mulefa/rejoin dust in the universe!

also i love how lyra and will are both so strong and good that as much as it hurt them not to be together they both knew they had to part. like they didn't entertain the alternatives for very long. they accepted their universes were more important than them being together and it was just another fact they had to accept. and after all the loss they'd both experienced, it made sense they accepted it so quickly/firmly.

also also, did you ever read those "extras"? they were like excerpts of handwritten letters and documents from the different characters. and something from mary suggested that will was living with her which i think is just really sweet because lyra had an entire world that knew what had happened but in will's world, only mary knew.

[yerion]

OH MY FRICKING GAWD… it’s finally here??? it’s actually here… first of all, before i mf panic about how this is actually the real thing—a real mf finale—a real ending to another series you created with your own hands, efforts and brainpower… i literally want to express my HUUUGEEEE congratulations for tying this journey up with the prettiest ribbon!! ;-; <333 i fr know how much u suffered and how desperately u wanted to deliver the absolute best ending possible for all the people waiting!! the countless nights u actually slaved after running laps in the hospital is respectable and u deserve all mf applaud for this… idk if i’m just biased but this is lowkey.. ever so slightly bittersweet because i feel like this series was the start to the legacy of ~maiverie~ and every time we talk, we’d always refer things to triage!heeseung unknowingly?! LIKE I KNOW for a fact this won’t die out at all, but it do be a little sad to see our precious little bean go now.. so,,, i suppose we just have to anticipate a sequel of them going into university??? where we watch heeseung become the most popular king ever for being good at everything he does??? his bowties turns into ties and his glasses turn into contact lenses???

BUT… MOVING ONTO OUR LAST RAY OF SUNLIGHT WE’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!!! <3333

this entire chapter was actually perfect in a sense of “this is exactly how it should’ve ended” and as mentioned, also extremely bittersweet??..?? let’s just declare that ryujin is going to be the worldwide punching bag from now on because the way u portrayed her was LITERALLY SO DAMN REAL… her intentions were so clear and i loved seeing the contrast of our two main protagonists dealing with her in such different ways—their personalities shined in different colours—like u said, miss sunset was all the fiery reds, oranges, pinks and purples while heeseung represents the whole pastel palette?!

i honestly got emotional straight away, like the way u have such a great grasp on the characters u build and ur able to deliver their feelings wrapped in the most purest descriptions is so impressive, it really felt like u adored each character so much… T^T… (hold my tissue…) it was so heartbreaking to read both of them going through this entire roller coaster of emotions but.. HEYYYY?? they deserve one, small, single obstacle before marriage… and their chemistry is also so angelic—like genuinely a match made in heaven?? ALL THEIR DIALOGUES WERE SO MEMORABLE LIKE A PUNCH?? (y/n didn’t punch ryujin but she definitely punched me!!) like… bro.. the way i had to screenshot how fricking cute heeseung was throughout that entire confession??

HE HAS NO BUSINESS BEING THIS ADORABLE?? this was my favourite dialogue from him because this was the very first time he was ever bold towards y/n?? it just touched me to know that he’s willing to drop it all to slide in a sincere confession for someone he likes?? ladies and gentlemen, there is no man in the world like him…

AGAIDIEHWSJDH^{*~*?£.€… *be cautious of a rabid woman coming up soon*… this was SO CUTE… so painfully cute that this is where i got most emotional (ur gonna be like… wut… why this out of ALL parts… she’s so weird…) HOWEVER!!! it’s just that a character like him is a one of a kind and to think we won’t be knowing about his whereabouts after this is just…….. there is only pain……. ur gonna get constant harassment in ur mail asking—how’s triage!heeseung and triage!y/n going today!!! are they on dates!!! did they have a second kiss?!? when and where??

GOD…… i can’t believe it’s finally over, mr. rover…..

thank you so much for this—not only is it the softest and purest fanfiction i’ve ever read, but it’s also one of those stories that’ll go down history, at least in my lane it will… u said ‘triage’ isn’t truly my cup of tea, but i literally do genuinely enjoy any genre as long as it!!! holds!!! a secure premise!!! like u and i both can agree we’ve seen many… in fact, too many… interesting stories out there that tickles us in our sleep… so, really, BABY!!! WIFE!!! MY BESTIE!!! thank you for putting in every ounce of ur effort to publish this—not only is ur love carried in the story but there’s an overwhelming number of readers who cherish this story exactly like i do!!

(please excuse me if i made any mistakes cus i’m seriously bed bound at the moment…)

TRIAGE! ┊ a lee heeseung series — FINALE ♡

you try to teach the nerd how to date.

synopsis: heeseung is not, by any measure, date-able. he’s dorky, he’s nerdy, and he does this weird thing where he snorts loudly every time he laughs. in fact, he loves everything that normal people are allergic to — computer science, collecting rare comic books, and birdwatching on the weekend.

given that you two have obviously nothing in common, you find yourself utterly flabbergasted when you receive a letter in your locker, on which heeseung has written, "hi. will you please teach me how to date?"

MASTERLIST HERE !

kayla’s playlist (@/miiiwaa) ♡ my shitty og playlist . tags : #.*triage .

TAGLIST

@enhyflirt @dreamyenskz @icedcoffeesunwoo @ssolari @skazoo @jjunis @heejake-en @koroktsuya @jeongwins @tinykoi-s @en-boyz @soobin-chois @blessed-sky @jhyunieee @kisswon @vbxrin @cosmicsunghoon @bloomedberry @jungwonielove @miiiwaa @jungwoniee @lhsng @missharubear @deonuism @sarahxy537 @bambisgirl @hrrhmay-primaryblog @yeonzzun @msxflower @sunsunu @jangwonie @sweetjaemss @seungstarss @tokyoflies @solelyenha @softforqiankun @goodforgyu @va1ry @taekbokki @ashxxkook @moon-gyus @jakeified @markleeisdabestdrug @wccycc @viagumi @pisss111 @outrologist @fairfairee @hiqhkey @ctrlemis

chapter five (finale)

word count: 8k | navigation: previous / MASTERLIST warnings: swearing, (verbal) bullying a/n: final chapter; thank you so much for reading this far. sorry this took so long to get to you :(

‎‎‏‏‎ ‎

‘let’s have a little talk, you dweeb.’

heeseung had been backed into a corner.

while he often liked to reserve that idiom for metaphoric effect, he means it quite literally — ryujin and taehyun had literally backed him into a corner of a bedroom with no way out.

it was obvious he had stumbled across something he shouldn’t have. 

ryujin and taehyun kissing? how disturbing.

if it were up to him, he truly wouldn’t have meddled in their business. however, the way they’re sneering at him leads him to believe that they think his actions were intentional. he wants to insist that no part of this was deliberate—that he was honestly just trying to find you—but tense silence circulates the trio and he has no inclination to speak first.

“who the fuck do you think you are?” ryujin punctuates the silence with her malice, making him inwardly wince. her hands find their way to her hips as she openly scowls with disdain. “god, you’re annoying.” 

“i-i should go,” heeseung lowers his head, scratching the nape of his neck. “i didn’t mean to intrude,” he laughs nervously in an attempt to dispel their hostility, “i was just trying to find—”

“no, you should stay.” taehyun suggests, a smirk slithering to his lips. he rolls his head around his neck before sighing contently. “you should stay and play with us.” 

play…?

heeseung physically recoils with horror, stomach twisting with unease. there’s something about taehyun’s predatory stare that flares goosebumps all the way across his arms. he realises that the most wise decision right now is to escape the enclosed space as soon as possible. 

“sorry, i-i don’t want to keep my parents waiting,” he lies, lowering his head. “they’re downstairs.”

the two exchange impish glances.

“well, we won’t be long,” ryujin stifles a laugh before taking a seat on the bed. she folds one leg over the other, leaning back with her arms propped up. “since you were creeping on us, we thought you could exchange the favour and tell us all about your girlfriend.”

“girlfriend?” heeseung blinks. he doesn’t have a girlfr— oh.

miss sunset.

you? his… girlfriend?

as if.

“oh,” heeseung dips his head shyly. “n-no, you’re mistaken. she’s, um… she’s not my girlfriend.”

if he were being honest, he was kind of hoping to change that some day.

“what, so you guys haven’t fucked yet?” ryujin bats her lashes, a playful stare in her eyes.

heeseung’s brows instantly furrow, a frown on his lips. frankly, he was a little bugged by their vulgarity and the tone used to address you. this was the same type of contempt he noticed in other people in his life — like his aunt at her wedding, who pulled him aside and cautioned that ‘girls like that are foxes, heeseung! they’re nothing but trouble.’

it shouldn't matter, because they’re all wrong.

every single one of them. 

they're wrong.

it boggles his mind that people can’t see what he sees.

then again, it can’t be helped that all the best things about you are what can’t be seen. sure, you’re so pretty that sometimes he can’t even meet your eyes properly, but you’re also warmer and kinder than you give yourself credit to be. you must not realise, but he notices the little things you do for him — like the way you clean his glasses when he places them down on the table to sleep; or the way you pretend you’re full so he can finish the rest of your lunch; or the way you scribble encouraging little notes and drawings on his textbooks when you know he has a long night of studying ahead of him. 

it boggles his mind that some people may never have the privilege of peeking behind the curtain to see that you’re warm, and funny, and kind, and caring. you embody everything that his well-fitting nickname suggests. miss sunset — a blaze of colour; an explosion of soft yellows, bright oranges, fierce reds, pearly pinks and vibrant purples. 

you’re a fiery kiss to the sky.

it’s both a shame and an honour that he’s able to keep you to himself. 

“you know she likes you, right?” ryujin smirks, erecting from the bed.

heeseung’s eyes instantly round. “wh-what?”

“yeah,” she slowly slinks toward him. “she told me.”

“r-really?”

“duh. why wouldn’t she? we’re best friends,” ryujin scoffs, arms folded. “and i know her better than anyone. we’ve known each other since we were little kids, you know.” 

heeseung notices that you don’t often talk about your relationship with ryujin and taehyun. you don’t really tell heeseung much about anything from your past, but he would certainly consider your old friendships to be the biggest elephant in the room. he doesn’t doubt that you were all once close friends, but he knows you haven’t been in contact with them for a while now. it’s obvious why, in his opinion — they’re mean-spirited people who enjoy sinking their claws into people and injecting poison.

they’re callous and vicious and hateful. they’re everything that you’re not. 

‘best friends’? he felt insulted for you.

it was like trying to hold a candle to the sun.

“what… what was she like?” heeseung can’t help but ask, his stomach doing a little flip at the thought of you as a child. he knows he should probably leave the room, but the temptation runs too deep — he wants to consume everything about you.

what did your hair look like? what did your laugh sound like? did you prefer playing outside or staying inside? what made you smile during the day and what kept you up at night?

his heart began to thump at the thought of these answers before reluctance settled in.

was it wrong to wonder these many things about you? 

was he allowed to be curious? 

would that truly be okay — given that you were a goddess and he was next to nothing?

“cute,” ryujin replies, head bobbing. “she was cute.” 

aha!

heeseung can’t help but smile profusely. “of course! i knew it,” he mumbles, blushing to himself. of course she was cute; beauty like that must have been obvious even at a young age.

ryujin’s razor-sharp stare remained. she seemed to study heeseung carefully before lowering her gaze. “she was also kind of mean, i guess,” she continued, inspecting her nails nonchalantly. “a bit of a bully.”

taehyun stifled a laugh at this, and they exchanged knowing glances as though they were indulging in an inside joke. “oh, yeah, i remember she once bullied that kid for sitting in her seat.”

bullied?

heeseung frowned, doubtful about their claims. he reminds himself that they’re both the type of people to embellish any story for their own entertainment. “you’re wrong,” he frowns. “she wouldn’t do something like that. sh-she’s not like you. she’s different.”

ryujin’s lips extend into a smile. “how well do you think you know her?”

his frown deepened. “better than you do.” 

the pair instantly burst into cacophonous laughter that seems to poison the air in the room. 

heeseung bites his bottom lip, feeling unease swirling around at the pit of his stomach. 

“really?” ryujin defies him with a raised brow. “you really think you know her that well?”

he nods slowly.

“okay,” she tilts her head, “then where is she right now?”

heeseung’s eyes flicker to the ground. he didn’t know the answer to that question, but that wasn’t indicative of anything. “well, i-i don’t know, but… she’ll be back—”

“obviously, she ditched you. she left you, heeseung, it’s something we used to do a lot. we’d invite two or three suckers to a party, get them drunk as shit, and then make them entertain us for the next few hours.” 

his eyes widened as he fell into momentary silence, forming as many rational justifications as he could. “but… i was the one who asked her to come with me. and… and you just told me that she… she likes me.”

ryujin rolled her eyes. “the only reason yuna invited you was because we thought it’d be funny. plus, don’t get me wrong — i’m sure she likes you, but don’t put any weight on that. it’s like how a person can like a helpless puppy. it’s pity; that’s all it is.”

“th-that doesn’t mean anything.” heeseung felt discomfort sprout inside his chest, branching insidiously in his lungs and up his throat. “that has nothing to do with her! she’s… she’s an angel.”

“really?” ryujin slithered over toward him and placed a hand on his shoulder, clenching it tightly to bring their faces close. “then why’d she tell us about that letter of yours?”

heeseung felt his heart drop to his feet. “wh-what?”

“the letter you left in her locker,” ryujin continued. “what did it say again? something like…” she pretended to brainstorm, tapping her chin with a finger. “oh! right… wasn’t it something like hi, will you please teach me how to date?” ryujin giggled as taehyun joined in snickering from behind.

his breathing quickened. the letter. 

you told him you never told anyone about that. 

did you lie?

maybe they’re bluffing — you wouldn’t do that. and even if you did lie, you would have definitely told heeseung afterward, right?

“the funniest part was the fact that you signed it off like the fucking virgin-loser you are. kind regards, lee heeseu—” they cackled again, this time even louder. they continued to banter with one another by echoing the contents of the letters. 

heeseung felt himself shrink. hot tears burned his eyes as he felt their humiliation pile on and on as though they were determined in hammering him into the ground. 

“oh my god,” ryujin laughed, wiping the tears from her eyes. “gee, thanks for tonight’s entertainment, heeseung,” she chuckles off the rest of her amusement, “i wish i took a photo of the letter or something. so that i could share it around with—”

“no!” heeseung cried as he swallowed the lump in his throat and began to enter a swivet of panic. “d-don’t! i-i—”

“you’re shaking like a leaf!” ryujin pouts, reaching to grab his shoulder before he flinches. “it’s okay. i won’t tell anyone. unlike your girlfriend, i know how to keep secrets,” she whistled. “say, heeseung… i’m keeping a lot of secrets these days, aren’t i?” she brushed his hair with her fingers.

“even yours.”

he stopped dead, chest rising up and down as he attempted to breathe. he tried to clear his tears with rapid blinking, but it only resulted 

“don’t worry. we’ve been nice. we haven’t told her your secret yet,” she winked. 

yet?

“listen,” ryujin’s voice lowers, her finger lifting his chin so that he faces her. “i really don’t want to keep your parents waiting for too long, so i’ll say this: your girlfriend’s not a saint. she’s vicious in her own way. and if you hate us for the things we make you do, then you should hate her, too. why? because she and i are exactly the same — everything we’ve done to you, she’s done to someone else.”

“y-you’re… you’re wrong.” he turned away from her finger.

ryujin hummed once. “well, let’s face the facts.” her lips slowly lifted into a grin. “you’re alone right now, heeseung. she’s not even here. she left you. i saw her get in the car and leave just earlier. go ahead and look outside if you don’t believe me.” 

heeseung’s gaze flickered to the ground.

“but anyway,” ryujin whirls around and exchanges a smile with taehyun. “we gotta go… we wouldn’t want to stay out too late since we have an early morning, right?” she smirks. “we’ll see you tomorrow, heeseung. at the police station.”

“wh-what? why?”

“because someone ratted us out,” taehyun chimes in, eyes rolling. “so we’ll keep your secret so long as you do one more favour for us.”

you can have your puzzle back. i don't want it anymore.

“you can have your puzzle back.” your little sun says, his voice lowering into a register so low that you almost miss it. “i don’t want it anymore.”

the room remained dark as heeseung’s words hung like ghosts in dead silence.

it was deafening, the way his whisper was the softest sound you’d ever heard. you were holding your breath, fearing a reality in which i don’t want it anymore meant something beyond what you could hear at face value.

“i don’t want your stupid gift,” he croaks, burying his face in his hands, stifling a sob. “j-just… please, just leave me alone.”

finding him sitting in the dark room alone and crying made your heart shatter. it was easy to confront the idea that ryujin or taehyun had hurt him, but you weren’t equipped to face the possibility that it might have been you. the distance he was creating between the two of you allowed your inner antagonisms to fester — your chest tightened with unease, exacerbated by the pressure of fear expanding within you.

“h-heeseung,” you blurted in surprise, your throat so parched that it forced you to swallow and brace yourself for what felt like impending heartbreak. “why…”

you were so stunned that it honestly felt as though time had stopped moving for a moment. you allowed space to pour between the two of you — you let a beat pass, then two, then three, then four, and with each one that scurried by, you grew more and more apprehensive that he wasn’t going to retrace his steps. you thought there was a chance he’d backpedal his words and tell you they’d sprung from his chest in the heat of the moment, but instead, he let you soak in abject misery.

your heart sank. above everything, you were terrified — he was slipping away from you like dust between your fingertips. it wasn’t long before tears followed — they blurred your vision, no matter how many times you’d tried to dismiss them with your hands.

“h-heeseung?” you called his name softly and hoped to peel his fingers away from his face, but he flinched at your touch. in every attempt you make in closing the distance, you find that heeseung draws a line between you; each harsher than the last. he recoils at your touch, shrivels at the sound of your voice, and offers you nothing but a view of his back that shields you away. 

he was cowering from you.

it made you feel ill. sick. like the taste of bile was rising to your mouth and leaving an acidic, ghostly burn in your throat. bit by bit, your resolve was crumbling like a house of cards. 

“tell me what’s wrong,” you begged him, crouching before him on the carpet though he curled away from you. “i promise i’ll fix it, okay? i’ll fix everything.” 

“y-you can’t,” he sniffled.

you felt your throat constrict. “why not?”

“because…” heeseung finally lifted his head, and the moment your eyes locked with his bloodshot ones, it felt as though his fear, hurt, and pain ricocheted back to you tenfold and struck you like a stab to the heart. he sniffled again. “because you lied,” you saw his eyes well with tears again, “and i lied, and—” his voice became smaller. “all we do is lie to each other.”

perhaps this was what you’d always feared — that you were going to be the one to break him.

after all, you had a tendency to do precisely that. you can’t even count the number of times you’d accidentally shattered the dishes in the kitchen that your mother adored so dearly. or the number of bones you’d broken during wild dares from late nights. or the countless number of fractured friendships in your life because you never really struggled with breaking — whether they were dishes, or bones, or promises, or hearts.

was he another?

was heeseung just another one of those things you were always bound to break?

“please leave,” his voice was becoming softer, and softer, and softer, further eclipsed by his cries. you could tell he was struggling to make out his words. you could also tell that he was being honest. 

you’ve never had anyone beg you like this before.

“okay,” you whisper, tears littering the carpet. “i’ll leave.” 

unable to look at him any further, you twist on your heels. you do what you do best — you run. you run down the stairs and out the house and run and run and run, ashamed that this story has unfolded the exact way anyone could have predicted.

he hates you, you may love him, and neither of you are puzzle pieces that fit together. 

perhaps heeseung was right; perhaps you truly are sunrises and sunsets, because alike parallel lines, the two never meet. 

perhaps heeseung never taught you to heal after all. perhaps broken bones and hearts can never properly heal, the same way cuts and grazes may leave permanent scars on our bodies. perhaps your body did what it could to fix what broke, but it only took one gust of wind to retrace old scars and re-break what will always remain broken.

you’ve never been very good with your emotions.

you constantly misrepresent them. 

you smile when you’re sad, frown when you’re happy, say things you don’t mean and omit the words that you resonate deepest with. 

after the party, you cried like you have never cried before. it was a foreign, almost out-of-body experience. every emotion exploded and pierced through the thin surface they were bubbling beneath. your scathing tears had soaked everything — your eyes, your cheeks, and your pillow late through the night. the worst of it was the heaviness inside your chest that ceased to subside, one so hefty that it was the reason you felt like you were sinking to the bottom of an ocean.

it was only until the next morning that anger, the emotion you consider to be the easiest to wear, brought you the energy to pay a visit to ryujin. you were going to get the answers to all your questions. 

after all, that was what you’d learned over the years — anger is the only emotion that gets you answers.

which is why you began with ruthlessly banging your fist on her front door.

“open the door, ryujin!” you bellow.

bang! bang! bang! 

what could she have possibly said to heeseung?

bang! bang! bang! 

why? why was it that ryujin was so insistent on butting in your life?

bang! bang! bang! 

was this some form of karmic reparation? was the universe simply rescinding what should have never been yours in the first place?

you didn’t know what you were going to do. or say, for that matter. yet here you were, desperately trying to claw your way up to the surface where the sun kisses the water. to hell you were going to let this heaviness make you sink and give ryujin the satisfaction.

with no response on the other end, you began to kick the door now.

bang! bang! bang! 

“i said, open this fucking d—”

it finally swings open. 

“are you fucking nuts?” ryujin shrieks from the other side, face contorted with outrage and disbelief. she glances at the door before openly gaping at you. “what the hell? you’re going to break the fucking do—”

you waste no time in lunging toward her. you shove her with both hands, thrusting her so far behind that she lurches back and stumbles onto the floor. while sprawled on the ground, ryujin instantly snaps her head up at you and scowls. “what the fuck is wro—”

yet again, you don’t give her much time to react. you step toward her, making her scramble back before her back hits the wall. as the distance between the two of you closes, you crouch in front of her and roughly push the side of her head with a finger.

“what, ryujin?” you smirk vindictively. “did that hurt?”

her chest sharply rises heavily when she meets your icy glower. “get out.”

though she attempts to pick herself up from the floor, you harshly grip her shoulder and force her back down. you reach over and tap her cheek condescendingly, your voice now a lowly whisper. 

“how funny,” you scoff, head tilted. “i thought i told you to stay out of my life.”

she grits her teeth. “i said, get out.”

“why should i? you’re the one who keeps insisting on getting involved in my shit.” 

“you’re batshit.” she gapes at you. “is this about that dweeb?”

“his name is heeseung.” you snap at her, bunching the collar of her shirt in your fist. you yank her toward you, your other fist lifted and curled.

ryujin barks out a dry laugh when her eyes flit to the sight of your fist. “you’re going to punch me?” she snickers again in disbelief. the sight of her grin makes your fist tighten under her shirt. anger. you felt your anger simmer at cautionary temperatures and slowly branch up in your neck to your face. 

“what did you do to him?” you grit your teeth, breathing slowly to control your emotions. 

it was difficult, because you felt as though she relished at the sight of your anger. she must have recognised your most familiar emotion and felt as though you had shifted back into becoming your old self. you saw it in the way her lips curled, and the way her brows had lifted, and most notably, in the way her eyes paraded a small, tiny, starry glint that conveyed her amusement.

it made you wonder if she was doing this all intentionally. 

just to get a reaction out of you.

just to get something.

“it wasn’t exactly what we did to him,” she smirked. “it was what he did to himself, really.”

“where’s taehyun?” you reach over and slowly comb your fingers through her hair, before closing your fist and grasping a bundle of her strands, jerking her head backwards. “i want him to see your face all battered up. you know, before i beat the living shit out of him, too.” 

she sneers at you. “why don’t you ask heeseung? i’m sure he’ll know exactly where taehyun is.”

you narrow your eyes at her. “what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“they’re probably together right now.”

heeseung and taehyun? together?

you scoff. “what?”

she stifles a laugh, and there it is again — that glint. like a tiny star amidst a midnight canvas. you could feel the anger grow like an inferno within you. that glint was pestering you; it was almost begging for you to reach over and extinguish it. you grip her hair harsher, this time yanking her head backward. 

she yelps as you pin her down with a glower. “tell me where.” 

she hisses at the pain of your grip on her hair and narrows her eyes. “police station, obviously,” she spat with a glare.

her eyes met yours, where your confusion must have been evident. those midnight eyes turned with patronising pity. “wow,” she remarked sarcastically. “the idiot still hasn’t told you.”

“ryujin,” you lean toward her and hiss slowly, with the intended effect that each syllable augments your hostility, “say one more thing about him and i’ll bash your skull against the cement.”

“now tell me,” you hiss, “what are they doing at the police station?” though your words appeared to be laced with composed venom, the truth remained that your heart had begun to drum. everything was coming at a surprise — you couldn’t imagine what would ever bring heeseung to a police station, though you could enumerate a thousand reasons for taehyun.

“like i said, heeseung did it to himself.” 

not satisfied with her answer, you yank her hair again and this time she attempts to strike you with her free arm, but you grab her wrist and desist her from doing so. she winces when you pull her hair tighter, prompting her to quickly open her mouth and elaborate. “okay, okay!” she cries. “he was the one who agreed to take the drug test for taehyun!”

your lips drop into a frown. “what?”

“then the police found out, okay?” she seethed. “we needed him to come in and deny everything. happy?”

you stopped in confusion. what the hell was she talking about? as you sifted through the many thoughts that raced in your mind, you finally froze when you began to comprehend the situation.

you remember now. it was that day — the day you’d first met heeseung in the school hallway, when taehyun had set his eyes upon and sunken his claws into his latest victim. 

taehyun was a drug user, and when he was finally caught by the school, he was mandated to perform probationary urine tests. he constantly evaded these tests by intimidating somebody into giving him fake samples. this was common practice, and it just so happened that heeseung was his chosen victim the day you two had first met.

heeseung never told you that.

he never told you that he went through with it.

“i mean, maybe if he’d kept his mouth shut or done a better job at peeing in a fucking cup, things wouldn’t be like this. in saying that, whose fault is it really?” ryujin rambled on, rubbing salt to the wound as your anger multiplied. “it was still fun at least. especially when we got to talk about you.” 

your hand balled into a tighter fist.

“me?” you pin her down with a dark gaze. “what the fuck did you say about me?”

she shrugs smugly. you watched as a sly smile slithered to her lips and her eyes pooled with shiny darkness. “nothing that wasn’t true.”

your heart drops to your feet.

“you know, it’s funny,” ryujin stifles a laugh, “because he denied it at first. said that you were…” she lifts her hands and uses her fingers to show quotation marks, “different.” you felt your anxiety pierce and gush into your stomach. “we laughed in his face. different, my ass. you didn’t tell him, did you? that you’re actually as much of a piece of shit as we are. he even called you an angel, you know that?”

angel.

“so we decided to set the record straight and we told him what he had the right to know.” she giggled. “you didn’t forget, did you?”

you stared.

“the letter,” she reminds you. “he was so embarrassed i think that was when he started to cry.”  

you froze.

the letter.

fuck.

you wanted nothing more than to run to heeseung and clarify the misunderstanding as best that you could. you wanted to talk to him. hold him. apologise and tell him you’d never intentionally hurt him. that it was an accident — that you lied, yes, but you just didn’t want him to feel embarrassed at that time. that it was a lapse in judgement.

but for some reason, something holds you back.

anger.

anger holds you back. 

the thing about anger is that while it may be your most familiar emotion, it is also the most paralysing of them all. and when it’s combined with resentment, it becomes insidious. the reality about anger is that it exists only in the absence of control, a dangerous condition to find yourself in.

nevertheless, you feel that way.

you feel out of control. 

helpless. angry. frustrated.

why? because that glint is still there. the gleaming, ostentatious star in her eyes that flounces around in her own delight. mocking you. 

ryujin is staring at you expectantly, anticipating your reaction.

you know that she’s waiting for you to punch her. to show her you prefer fists over words. to show her you have not changed in the slightest. everything she has done is aimed to get a rise out of you; she doesn’t care about anything else but avenging the fact you had tossed your friendship to the side — that you had tossed her aside. 

in this moment, you realise that no matter how hard you try, you know that ryujin has won. she doesn’t even need to try very hard to show you that you will never be able to change into a better person. your efforts have come to naught. even now, you are held by anger; you want it to control you — even if it means reversing everything heeseung had taught you about not acting upon your impulses; about not fighting fire with fire. 

you wonder how heeseung would react if he found out what you’d done today. that you’d allowed anger to override you and that you had already used your hands on ryujin. 

you pushed her, shoved her to the ground and pulled her hair without a second thought.

after all, you’d proven her right — you are still the same person. 

how would he react? 

these very thoughts loosen your grip on ryujin’s collar.

you slowly retract your hands from her, feeling the heaviness inside your chest gnaw at you. why are you stooping to her level? as you swallow and salvage whatever amount of sense you have left, you shake your head and slowly rise to your feet.

if heeseung saw you now, he’d probably be scared.

he’d probably see them in you.

your sudden withdrawal makes ryujin freeze. she seems taken off guard. she watches you suspiciously as you attempt to compose yourself, noticeably irked by your lack of response. “you’re… not going to hit me?” she hesitates, sitting up slowly. 

“ryujin, you and i are done.” you attempt to stabilise your shaky breaths. for some reason, focusing on heeseung helps your mind from spinning. he’s your anchor and when you use him as your moral compass, he brings the clarity you need. “for real this time.”

“what?” ryujin splutters with disbelief. she pauses, openly gawking. “what the fuck?” she scrambles to her feet and storms over toward you before abruptly shoving you into the door — the impact thunders down your spine and instantly releases a grunt from you, head spinning. 

“hit me!” she taunts you by sneering in your face. “i made your little boy cry. hit me.”

“if he wanted me to, i honestly would,” you spit at her. “you should thank him you’re not bleeding out right now.” 

she yells as you storm away from her house and it occurs to you that there’s really only one person you want to see right now.

you want to tell him that he was right.

you are different from ryujin after all.

and you will do whatever it takes to stray further and further away from being anything remotely similar.

‘you never know.’ ‘you might wake up one day and find that the sun is gone.’ ‘and then it’s like, poof — no more sunsets.’

heeseung was right.

the day you two had first met, you laughed and called him a loser for taking photos of the sunset. after all, he was attempting to immortalise something that was already a cosmic promise. 

honestly, you didn’t get it.

what was the point of taking a photo of something he could see every day?

you realise now that he was right all along – it really was possible to wake up one day and find the sun gone.

everybody just has a different idea of what the sun is to them. for you, yours disappeared when you realised heeseung was doing whatever it took to avoid you over the weekend.

your texts were left unanswered. 

calls were sent to voicemail.

he was shutting you out.

you tried to visit his house on sunday morning, but his mother faced you with a regretful smile and asked you not to come in. you didn’t know what else you could do because he seemed to close down every avenue you pursued.

you were so eager on monday morning to see him at school. you were an hour and a half early as you roamed everywhere, attempting to control your nerves. you didn’t know whether or not you should have waited at the school entrance, or by his locker, or just outside the classroom door. 

it didn't matter, because he was late. 

you were already halfway through the day when you had almost given up, though you got your first glimpse of him in days when he had finally showed up.

he looked almost as horrible as you did.

the darkness under his eyes had grown. his brown hair was fluffy and in plain disarray compared to how he usually styled it. his eyes were so puffy that it looked like he’d been crying all weekend, the same way you had. you tried to catch his eyes, but he didn’t return your gaze and instead slid into his desk quietly with his shoulders slumped.

there was a pang in your chest. his appearance made guilt expand within you. 

did you do the impossible? did you break the sun and make it rain? 

when class finished, you waited outside the door and stopped him when he tried to leave. it was only then that he finally looked back at you and you felt your heart stop. it took you all the strength to not cry, so you snaked a hand around his wrist and led the way to the school’s court garden. 

“heeseung,” you faced him when you both stopped at a quiet place inside the open garden. his gaze was affixed to the grass beneath his shoes, so you took a deep breath and let the words flow from your chest.

“heeseung, i’m so sorry for lying to you about the letter.” 

he didn’t reply.

it stung to hear silence on the other end because you weren’t used to it. you were used to heeseung’s warmth; his smiles, his laughs, and the bright stars in his eyes. instead, he seemed to have retreated back into a shell of dejection.

you gulped and fiddled with your hands. “i-i should have told you the truth. ryujin saw it, yes, but it wasn’t because i showed her. i-i just… she was there when i found it in my locker. that’s it. it’s not an excuse for lying, but i promise i would never intentionally embarrass you.”

you waited for his response and still found silence. this was when panic slowly crept up inside you. 

“i-i really fucked up when i lied to you. i just didn’t want to embarrass you, and the more time that went on, the weirder it felt to bring it up. but i should have told you the truth. i’m sorry, heeseung.”

there was a pause before he finally lifted his head.

“stop apologising,” he whispered so gently you almost missed it. 

“wh-what?”

“it was here,” he tucked his bottom lip between his teeth and roamed the area with his eyes. “i-i think it was here when you told me to stop apologising to people. you said i said sorry too much.” 

god, you felt relief in your chest, it felt nice to hear his voice again. you were worried he might never talk to you again.

as you briefly considered his answer, you glanced around and recognised the bench you two had sat on when he’d tried to confess to lia. he was right — it was exactly here that you two had your first real conversation. your stomach twisted. he always remembers everything.

“i’m really sorry for ignoring you over the weekend.” heeseung finally returned your stare, and once your eyes had met, you felt your heart squeeze at the sight of misery in his pretty eyes. you hate the sight of him like this. this must be one of the worst things you’ve ever done. you wanted nothing more than for the rain to stop and the clouds to pave way for your sunshine.

“i-i just needed some space,” he continued gently. “and actually… mom thought it was a better idea for her to take my phone, so i didn’t see your texts.”

“oh,” you replied, noticing the distant tone in his voice. “it’s okay, heeseung. i understand.”

“but, um… i did a lot of thinking,” he says, smiling weakly.

you smiled back, though trepidation edged along your nerves. “o-okay.”

his eyes diverted to the side. “i… i wasn’t sad over the weekend because of the letter. i—” you saw his eyes flicker upwards toward the sky, as though he was attempting to contain his tears. “i-i think… i was just upset because…” he bit on his lips as you watched him deliberate over his next words. your heart was beating faster and faster at the possibility this may be the last conversation you ever have with him. it was selfish, but you didn’t know if that would be manageable for you. 

because even if he didn’t need you, you needed him.

“because i didn’t tell you about taehyun,” his lips fell into a sad frown. “thing is, i… i was really embarrassed about it. and… well, i-i…” he took a deep, shaky breath.

you knew he was gathering as much courage as he could to speak with you.

“i just really, really, really hate embarrassing myself in front of the person that i like.”

he finally looked up at you and everything in you stopped. blood felt like the crackling of lightning in your veins. every other sound seemed to dull into a deafening silence.

“to clarify, th-that’s you. y-you’re the person that i like. a lot. i like you really a lot— that... doesn’t make sense,” he winced at himself, eyes shut tightly. “i’m sorry, i… i sound so stupid right now.” he slumped his shoulders. 

“heeseung, i—”

“wait. p-please let me continue,” he looked up at you through his glasses and you fell straight into his deer-like eyes.

“okay,” you whispered. “go on.” 

“i… i just want to be good enough for you,” he finally admitted and you felt everything around you crash. him? good enough for you? he already was; he was more than enough. you were the one struggling to catch up with him. “be someone you can depend on. someone you can trust and be proud of.”

“heeseung,” you step toward him and clasp his hands with yours, forcing him to look back at you. “you’re right. you really do sound stupid.”

“h-huh?” he peered up at you as you saw panic flicker like disco lights in his eyes. “i-i’m sorry, i… i just wanted to come clean and not lie to you anymore. i’m really sorry for pressuring you, i—”

“no,” you shook your head, silencing him immediately. “it’s not because of that.” 

you dropped his hands and slid yours in the spaces under his arms where you could wrap around his waist and embrace him into a tight hug. he instantly froze while you allowed yourself to melt into him, your face in his chest.

“fuck,” you mumbled against his uniform, inhaling the scent of his laundry powder. “i missed you like crazy.” 

his heart was hammering inside his chest and you squeezed yourself tighter, finding solace in the synchronicity of your beat with his. 

“two days and i felt like i was going insane,” you gripped his blazer tightly, “i… i thought you hated me.” 

“hate you? n-no way…” 

a stupidly wide smile stretched across your lips. slowly, you noticed heeseung was beginning to return your embrace. his arms slowly found their way to your back, and once they rested on your body, you allowed yourself to take a proper breath, engraving memories associated with his scent.

“i like you too, dummy,” you mumbled against the fabric. “ceaselessly. probably way more than you like me.”

“you—”

“yes, me.”

“y-you… you really like me? for real?”

when you release him, his bewildered expression makes you instantly erupt into a fit of laughter. he seems to take this as an indication that you’re messing him because of the way lips return into a point.

“are you kidding?” you scoffed playfully, grabbing his face and cradling it with both hands, his soft skin against yours. “you make it ridiculously easy to.”

“a-are you serious?” he pointed to himself, lashes batting innocently. “you really like me? me? heeseung? you like lee heeseung? you know i’m heeseung, right?”

you stare, astounded by his reaction. “you’re crazy.”

“no, i just told you i’m heeseung,” he deadpanned.

idiot. “yes, heeseung. you. i like you like crazy. it’s sickening how much i do.”

heeseung watched you expressionless for a moment before you watched his face explode with sunshine. speckles of gold dust returned to his eyes and twinkled like constellations. his smile swept his face and instantly made your heart thump out your ears. 

“you’re not lying, right? you really like me? and it’s definitely because of my bowties, right?”

you almost wanted to groan aloud and slap yourself in the face, but you stifled down this desire and shook your head instead. sickening, you thought to yourself. his sunshine is so sickeningly sweet.

and if there’s one thing about you — it’s that you have a sweet tooth; and heeseung is a taste you have been dying to have.

“yes. it’s definitely the bowties. they’re basically chick magnets,” you remarked, a smirk forming. “do you know what happens to chick magnets?”

heeseung quickly shook his head. 

you smiled. “they get devoured.”

heeseung’s brows slightly furrowed, his head tilted to the side in what appeared to be confusion. he blinked, not quite understanding your implication.

“in other words, i’m going to kiss you.” 

that, he understood. 

heeseung’s eyes instantly rounded like saucers. “h-huh?”

“i know you heard me,” you took a step toward him, circling your arms around the back of his neck to ring him in close. he blushed at the proximity, and if you were being honest, so did you.

frankly, you were more nervous than you’d thought you would be. this was the fastest and hardest you’d ever felt your heart beat; it almost threatened to leap up through your throat. 

perhaps it was because heeseung was an expert at annihilating everything you thought you knew about yourself. he was great at that: showing you that you were much further from who you thought you were, and close to who you thought you could never be. there were no more first, second, third, and fourth experiences anymore. just a life before him and after him.

when you felt his breath nearing and the heat from his chest, you thought your head spun for a moment.  it felt as though the distance between your lips were simultaneously the closest and farthest distances apart. it wasn’t until he sighed – a release of just the faintest, softest breath — that the sound swept through your chest like a hurricane, and you felt everything within you topple over.

your whole body sank forward into his and you kissed him. you shut your eyes and did what you feared most — you opened up your heart to him and let everything you had within you flow out so that he could feel every inch of your warmth and sincerity. you led the movement first, noticing the way he tried to mimic your movements. he was slow and uncertain at first, until he followed through with what felt right. 

when he began to kiss you back, it felt like fireworks shattered within you. you instantly softened when he looped his arms around your waist and hugged you tightly, because there was no safer feeling than being in his arms.

you knew it.

heeseung is good at everything he tries. 

when the kiss deepened, you thought he tasted like he fell from the clouds and the stars. like stardust and eternity and endlessness. you liked the taste of that. all you’ve ever known are temporary people, the leaving and the waiting and the hoping, so it makes all the more sense when you crumble and melt at the taste of forever and focus on carving this memory onto your soul. 

you couldn’t deny it any further — you were falling in love with him. in fact, you’d fallen down a slippery slope that led you into a pit with no way of crawling yourself out. 

when your lips pull away, you’re both panting for a proper breath. it isn’t until your eyes meet that the world stops moving and something warm ignites like a candle. 

you allowed time to pass you by as your eyes raked every feature of his face; drinking in his beauty, indulging in the rare moment you were able to admire him so closely. you felt bewitched by the way the sunlight gently radiated his features; they shone through the sky and struck him like a spotlight, even in broad daylight. being this close to him brought forward all of his prettiest, most finely drawn features – the mole on the left side of his lips, his long, wispy lashes, and the slight scrunch of his brows. 

you should’ve stopped, but you couldn’t, because he was prettier the longer you stared.

time slowed while you were slipping further and further into an enchanting spell.

falling.

you always hated that — the sensation of falling. being out of control; being helpless. but somehow, with heeseung it felt different — you were falling through time and space and the stars and the sky and everything in between. it was really beautiful. 

you’ve been falling for days and weeks and what felt like lifetime across lifetimes. you fell until it no longer felt like falling, but flying.

“heeseung, you’re really bad at kissing, you know that?” 

you felt so bad when his entire face fell and he looked at you with complete horror. “wh-what?” 

you placed a finger on his lips to keep him from talking. “since you’re so bad, i think you need a few more lessons,” you smiled. “let’s ditch school and go to back to mine. you know, for education’s sake.” you winked.

heeseung tucked his bottom lip between his teeth, smiling shyly. “o-okay.”

fin.

a/n: and then they went home and watched Star Wars :) ANYWAYS. guys u do not understand I actually went thru 32842378 cycles of frustration, anger, and giddiness while trying to wrap this series up. I'm not lying when I say I have about 6 different versions of this chapter, but I decided to keep it simple and straight to the point because ultimately that's what I felt triage was all about :) if you came here looking for genuine dating tips& got lost im sorry i can’t help u cos I'm in my healing era (subtext: literally no man wants me). but anyways I hope this series brought you a little bit of joy somehow or another. I honestly had the best time writing it ^^ all the best! hope i to see u in my future works too! thanks for reading! love u so much! <3 (also feedback would be vv nice if u have the time!) MWAH

//

[watchinglikeafangirl]

The cliff - closing up and letting go

Every director and actor has a different style of portraying grief. Sometimes, the characters are very dramatic and loud and sometimes they show a quiet but always present type of grief. The character grieves in their head over a period of time, recalling over and over again. It's the quiet grief that's more heartbreaking to see, yet closer to the truth. The loud tears pass over time until you tear up without actually crying out loud.

Nevertheless, many dramas are all about loud tears with open wounds that never healed...you get it.

So I was very surprised when I saw Ayan's type of grief being shown in lonely and silent tears. He throws himself in a mission, keeps flirting and being sassy but whenever it gets too much, his pain shows. We see it when he rests his head on Akk's shoulder because he's tired.

"You won't be so mean to me too, right?"

Tears leaving his eyes as he says so because he faces the same his uncle did and it hurts to understand every single thing about the faith his uncle chose for himself. He lives the life of his uncle and it opens the wound. Plus Ayan desperatly doesn't want to feel this way. It's the first time we see him cry in front of Akk without actually tearing up in a dramatic act. It just happens and the tears just flow.

But then we get this and it's even more heartbreaking but at the same time the purest we have ever seen Ayan.

He is standing at the cliff where his uncle met death. Ayan saw it happen and he lets himself feel the sadness, but only for a brief moment. He tenses up, his shoulders move up, he closes himself off to the world, living in his own mind - a cocon - and then lets it all go. He closes up and lets it go. The wind hits him, the tears wet his face but he looks at peace because he is sad but remembers everything good alongside with it. Grief is the worst, yet the most beautiful emotion. It saddens you, makes you very lonely and isolated but once you overcome it, it's all about the good memories and warm moments you shared with that person before.

In this case, Ayan feels lonely now without his uncle by his side but at the same time remembers the lessons he's been taught about not being alone despite being special. His uncle reassured him the world is still there for him, so while letting go and relaxing his body, Ayan feels as free as he never did before.

The purity of this one moment, this one scene hits deep and it's touching and intimate. At the same time it feels like we shouldn't be watching this. It's so intimate, it feels wrong to witness. But one can't look away as well because it's so very different. That's what makes this scene and I will applaude Khaotung forever.

(Akk is still an ass for following him there and staring while Aye is in grief...)

[i-cant-sing]

I'm curious do you prefer writing romantic or platonic yanderes?

I cant say I have a preference. I mean I do write about platonic yanderes a lot, but I spend most of my time thinking about romantic yanderes. I think the reason I don't write romantic yanderes as much is because there's a lot of layers to "falling in love". I don't want to rush into it. I want to write it in a manner where the reader actually believes that the character is falling in love with them. I want to write about the little forms of affection, what the character thinks about you and questions his own feelings.

My favourite trope is "dying in the arms of your lover", but like maximum angst. Like person A took the hit to protect person B, and is now holding a dying person A in their arms and with his last breath, person A tells them he loves them, but before person B could confess that they too love them, person A dies. And it's even more painful because person A had the three magical words to them many times before, only to be turned down by person B each time because they were in denial of their feelings, so person B now thinks that person A died thinking person B hated them.

This is the purest form of love for me.

I have imagined the above scenario with person A = Y/n and person B= Dabi and omg would that not be the most heartbreaking, gut wrenching scene ever?

[mytalemyworld]

People isn't accustomed to seeing her like this. Except Doruk. He knows how his girl can be carefree and a dork so he forgets for a moment how jealous he is and enjoys the photos.

But then one photo turns out to have more depth than the others and she says she likes this one most, he can't help but remember how this was their thing, to look more beautiful in the photos thanks to their special person. He can't keep the thought to himself and says it to her directly but she answers back tersely.

Still...

Ah Doruk ah. 

Then she still thinks this is a harmless game, a teenger whim since Doruk isn't that kind of person who shows that he is hurt. 

All of these and the party moments lead to this...

It may look bothersome but honestly she needs to understand this is not a simple whim, he has had enough. 

So this time she can't bear it and finally has understood hard way how it makes you feel to see the one thing that is special to you and your lover is used for different purposes.

Beautiful photos. Singing. All of them belong to their love language.

She gets a taste of her own medicine.

You can see how he watches her every move, when she walks away from the stage he notices that.

Even though it's a hard blow, I don't think this is out of character. He didn't get to this point in a day. He has limits too like her.

But what surprises me is the song he chooses. Yes, the song is about a blonde woman however it is a deep melancholic break up song.

As if its composer had sought to distill the purest essence of heartbreak, like, here is what it is to lose someone.

He didn't sing the deepest part of the song -because it is the poem verse of it- but in the end there are some lines that fit in their situation perfectly.

“How many times has my door been knocked? How many times it is not you but someone else. The footsteps of my history are behind me. Think about what we are giving up on. We are building up on top of broken hearts. Maybe this backstabbing does not suit me, but... You are guilty of your blond hair.”

This is just so raw and suits the way he expresses his feelings. We're talking about Doruk who writes songs for her and this can't be coincidence.

After Tolga & Ömer fight she goes through an emotional breakdown (maybe the whole night becomes too much for her) and he immediately shows up by her side.

I mean his priorities can never change apparently.

He can never ever leave her even though she thought he had done so.

[dwellordream]

because i feel like reccing horror:

delicious foods by james hannah: a disturbingly plausible story about mother and son darlene and eddie, who are separated after darlene, grieving the death of her husband and struggling with addiction, takes a job offered by agricultural company Delicious Foods, which promises good pay processing the fruits and vegetables grown on an isolated farm. eddie sets off on a journey to find his mother, whose sanctuary has quickly turned into a nightmare. probably one of the most heartbreaking and disturbing books I’ve ever read.

the witch of edmonton by thomas dekker: populated by a host of prejudiced, largely unsympathetic but terribly human characters, the witch of edmonton is a Renaissance play dating back to the 1620s which promises, in it’s own opening, “forced marriage, murder, and revenge”.

ostracized by callous townsfolk, widow sawyer finally gives into temptation and is approached by the devil, who takes the form of a jolly and flirtatious black dog named tom. tom works his mischief on the town’s hypocritical and secretive citizens to gain sawyer some much needed relief and revenge, while meanwhile frank thorney, separated from his lower class beloved winnifred and forced to marry another by his father, spirals into a dark plot to free himself entirely unaided by satan.

the good house by tananarive due: attempting to reconnect with her teenage son and hoping to co-parent peacefully with her arrogant ex husband, angela returns from LA to her sleepy hometown of sacagawea, washington, where she was raised by her grandmother after the death of her mentally ill mother.

however, tragedy ensues almost immediately after the move, and two years later angela returns to uncover the truth of what has been happening to her family since they first fled to washington in the aftermath of the civil war, as well as the true origins of her grandmother’s sinisterly alluring colonial house.

ring shout by p. djéli clarke: a very short, very fast paced and roaring novella set in the 1920s during the height of the klu klux klan, ring shout centers around maryse, who seeks to avenge her murdered family with a magical sword powered by the spirits of the dead, as well as killing the demons of the kkk, both human and otherwise.

IT by stephen king: infamous cocaine fueled orgy sequence aside, IT is still one of king’s best works for all its flaws and has left an undeniable impact and outstanding influence on the americana horror genre.

telling the story of a quintessential quaint 1950s town hiding a web of dark secrets, IT tears apart past nostalgia for ‘a purer time’ and ‘when things were simpler and sweeter’ by exposing the racism, misogyny, hatred, and overall cruelty of an america not too long ago.

IT gives real credence to childhood fears and adult trauma, and depicts a touching and heartfelt friendship between a group of outsiders who learn early on they’ll have to band together to survive a vicious world that likes to kick when they’re down.

fierce kingdom by gina phillips: probably more thriller than horror, fierce kingdom takes a very simple and horrifying scenario: a mass shooting at a zoo on a sunny afternoon and stretches it into a tight character study of a majority female ensemble cast, connecting a diverse group of people within one terrible day. but at it’s core fierce kingdom is about a mother’s love for her child and what she is willing to do to survive a situation with no good options.

dragonwyck by anya seton: gothic romance with more than a dash of horror at its finest, dragonwyck tells the story of dreamy and naive miranda, a romantic farm girl sent to work as a governess for her distant and wealthy dutch cousins in upstate new york in the 1860s.

while disappointed to find herself treated less like a princess and more like a servant, miranda is both frightened and entranced by the mysterious manor house of dragonwyck and its master, the enigmatic genius nicholas, who despairs of his unhappy marriage and lack of a male heir.

at its best and worst, dragonwyck is dated, cheesy, outright offensive in its depiction of immigrants and minorities, surprisingly timely and astute in its depiction of class struggle and the practiced apathy of the elite towards the poor and working class, and all in all, delightfully gripping in its suspense and drama.

self obsessed and petty miranda is far from a likable or relatable heroine, but she is a very, very entertaining one, and seton’s nicholas is a byronic antihero in its purest form, at turns endlessly charming and breathtakingly cruel.

[secret-rendezvous1d]

“i need a hug”

hello, hi!

i definitely don’t think this is a one-off thing anymore and this blog may be on the way to merging into a harry styles + matthew gray gubler blog so i’d like to think that that is a new exciting venture people will . i’m really enjoying writing about a new scene, a new character and a new life to plan out and write about. the stories don’t essentially follow each other so they can be read anyhow and in any way but i’d like to think they all follow the same storyline/timeline so they link in that way.

like, reblog and give me some feedback. it’s greatly appreciated and it helps me work out what you want to see and what you are after. 

thank you. enjoy.

-

“i need a hug” spencer reid x female reader (reader insert imagine) word count; 1.7k.

summary; eventually, the emotions of working a case gets to yn and she needs an escape after a briefing in the form of her boyfriend, spencer.

-

There are moments in YN’s job as a secondary communications liaison that she loves.

She got to work alongside a team of agents who were funny and smart and trusting and kept her safe in situations out in the field and they brightened her mood whenever she felt a little down in the dumps from a long day, especially a case that was vigorous and vicious in its attacks; she got to work with a woman, who was a mother to the sweetest little boy she’d ever graced and held and loved in her life, who shared the same emotions as her when they read through case file after case file and took in some of the most heart-wrenching information from an unsub’s killing; she got to work in an office with her boyfriend, sitting opposite him as he worked on his reports or involuntarily played a game of Chess with whoever walked passed and saw a potential move, sharing secret glances and meeting in the kitchenette for a cuddle before work and Hotch had them back to their desks in a rush.

She loved her job and she loved what she did in the field.

Knowing she was saving lives and saving a town from a sadistic killer, protecting people from another unsolicited attack on the vulnerable and the innocent, putting someone behind bars because they deserved it. Feeling the sense of euphoria washing over her every time she managed to catch a killer, hairs raising when they finally admitted to what they’d done for years without ever getting caught, ending someone’s narcissistic trait because they could no longer show the ego they’d been growing by thinking they were subtle enough to hide from their crimes. The looks on the faces of the known unsub, when she bashed out fact after fact that they’d worked out by not only fishing on his background but by the evidence and the profile they gave to themselves with how and who they killed, made her feel proud to catch them; they could no longer do what they long to achieve.

But there were some moments of her job that she hated.

Having to read about the brutal killings of women her age or women who were tortured before they died was enough to have her head reeling in all kinds of situations and possibilities of it still happening somewhere in the world because they’d yet to find another serial killer to arrest, because these women had no safety in their death and they were tortured long before the incessant torturing came to an end; having to read over and see crime-scene pictures of innocent children and teenagers who had died in the crossfire of a criminal’s poor psychological behaviour, where they never thought about the consequences, and never had an inch of remorse or sympathy running through their veins because they were never given the love and the compassion from a parent as they grew older; having to read such heartbreaking backstories on why someone had turned from the purest of children to such a evil person who forced a vendetta upon anyone that passed them or did them wrong and learning that broken families weren’t always so well worked out.

“You can show emotion on the job, you know? You don’t have to hide behind a coffee cup,” Spencer suggested, standing beside YN as she leaned against the kitchenette counter, a warm mug of steaming coffee in her hands and held to her lips as if she were taking a lengthy sip. Partly so the rim could cover her eyes, because she was sure tears would escape any given minute, and partly so she could keep her hands warm on the chilly day it was outside. He followed her as soon as she left the briefing room, a wave of concern swallowing him as he watched her rush down the stairs and disappear, a finger swiping her cheek that she assumed went ignored. “You don’t think I’ve seen any of the team shed a tear over something brutal?”

“Rule number one, Spence; no crying on the job. Hotch’s suggestion,” she hummed, looking in the direction of the briefing room and seeing everyone packing up their belongings from the table and carrying their own case files under their arms as they walked back to their desks to prep for whenever the wheels were due up on the jet, “it never gets any easier, no matter how many times I give those briefings and read the notes and see the photos.”

By it, he assumed, was coming into a room full of people who were waiting for what next dreadful thing had come their way and having to speak about a murder that she had to think about, in depth, in order to gain some understanding as to what direction she needed to take the briefing into, so she could explain exactly what they were expecting to do upon their arrival to the scene, reliving the killings in her head like it was something she saw with her own eyes. That, alone, was enough to drive someone off a job that they loved if it was something they had to speak about on a daily basis, thinking about death as soon as they stepped foot out of their front door in the morning.

“Kids, Spencer. I can just about cope with the cases on murdered prostitutes and the drug addicts and the sex workers but kids,” she sighed in diselief and looked at him with forlorn eyes and felt her bottom lip quiver behind the white ceramic resting against her mouth, “there are children going missing every day and there’s someone doing that to them. A grown adult. Someone walks the street with the purpose of taking children from their families like they could treat them any better.”

Spencer ignored all protocol of ‘romance in the workplace’ and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her close to his side and nuzzling his nose into her hairline, the baby hairs growing beneath her fringe tickling her nostrils but the smell of her shampoo made it all the much better; strawberry-scented and sweet and it smelt like home. Home was the smell of strawberry, the presence of his girlfriend and a bubble that only they were in. His palm resting on the curve of her shoulder, fingers rubbing up and down on the bare skin of her upper arm showing from the short-sleeved blouse she wore to work that day, lips pressed against her temple in a reassuring manner. He could feel the eyes of Prentiss and JJ watching them, no doubt cooing and guffawing over the sweet sight they rarely saw, but he chose to ignore them and instead let his cheeks flush a hot pink. Let them stare; he felt content and that’s all that mattered in the moment.

“Working a case and having a good outcome is great. To see that child when we solve the case, albeit seeing them beaten and dirty and naivety, it feels amazing to know they’re reunited with those who vow to keep them safe from that moment on and who never stopped looking for them, not an inch of hope given up,” YN sighed, tilting her head to the touch of his lips and closing her eyes, content with the bubble they’d blown around themselves in that moment, his eyes soft and scanning her features, “I don’t know how you throw yourself into it and not struggle with the aftermath or the before of it all.”

The silence lingered in the kitchenette and, even though there was a sense of being watched, neither of them cared. One day or another, Spencer knew there would be a specific case that tore his girlfriend to the ground and made her show her true feelings towards something she was expected to work on, a case that made her struggle to contain her emotions and that one day had come, much quicker than he expected but he knew it was . All he needed to do was reassure her that, no matter what happens, they’d do the best they can in situations that should have them panicked.

“I question that myself sometimes,” he admitted. Inhaling deeply, he got a proper scent of the coffee wafting from the cup still held into her hands, before he breathed out a sigh and felt a little weight lift from his shoulders. “You’ll be okay. You help us out more than you think you do in cases that mean a lot more to you.”

“Do I?”

“Of course,” he craned his body away from her so he could look down and give her the sweetest, warmest smile he could muster up, “I always feel so proud of you when you give us a huge lead over something we missed. Especially the leads that take us to the right place. They call me the genius but you,” he tapped her on the nose with his index finger and grinned, “you can be the genius better than me sometimes.”

She blushed and looked down at the milky contents of her coffee, the steam hitting her face and adding the heat of her face, a sheepish smile permanent on her lips that she tried to hide as she took a sip and swallowed the hot liquid and allowed it to burn her throat. Burning in a warming way rather than just to hurt herself.

“C’mon, wheels for the jet go up in thirty. I need to pack my desk up and you need to grab your go-bag,” he reminded her, pulling away from her and removing his arm from around her shoulders, taking a step towards the doorway and turning his back to her, “try not to let the briefing bother you until we touch ground. We’re not there yet so we can’t base any confirmations for anything on anything.”

He could hear her chug the rest of the coffee from her mug, shaking his head in disbelief because now she was bound to be bouncing off the walls in a tight-spaced jet for over an hour, making a mental note to keep her off the coffee on the plane and to have her drinking water. His hand touched the door handle and, as he pushed his weight down to open the door, she spoke up and gathered his attention.

“I need a hug,” she said before he left the room, Spencer spinning around on his heels to look at her, a coffee-stained mustache clinging to her upper lip that her tongue peeked out to collect and a bright spark behind her eyes, “before we get plunged into work and we can’t show romance or anything, I just- I need a hug.”

[rudysrings]

Stella of Fricking Solaria, my dudes

Why Miss Stella of Solaria is Hands Down My Favorite Winx (Tecna is an extremely close second):

Disclaimer #1: I'm referring to Stella from the OG show, the Italian-American Winx Club Animation, obviously not the other thing that Netflix decided was okay to produce.

Disclaimer #2: Not an argument for why Stella is the best character by any means, just a blurb about what I believe are her highlights and things I relate to about her most. Why she's my favorite character. All a matter of personal opinion please don't come at me for it lmfao.

First and foremost, Stella is an utterly loyal friend. She is the very best person to have at your side in a fight, in a time of need, in a crisis, during a heartbreak; you name it--my girl is the one who’s there any way she can be, trying her best to cheer you up or feel your feels with you any way she knows how. That’s not to excuse her often misguided attempts at consoling her friends, which often turn out to be more hurtful and disastrous, but we also know that she always realizes her mistake, if not by herself, with the help of her girls, and owns up to it, making it up to anyone she hurt. We are introduced to Stella as quite literally, Bloom’s day one. Despite being a princess to essentially the ruling kingdom/planet of the entire goddamn galaxy or Magical world or whatever you want to call it (cut me some slack it’s been a hot minute since I did a rewatch), her view of friendship has not been distorted in any way. She does not have difficulty recognizing her role in Bloom’s life, completely embracing sisterhood and always having her best interests at heart. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, Stella is Bloom’s biggest supporter and would quite literally do anything for her. She doesn’t have any close friends before Bloom, so when the two’s lives do become intertwined, they quickly become family. The two of them are the perfect role models for the purest female friendship that doesn’t ever show them having anything but each other’s best interests as their absolute priority.

There’s still a lot more I want to say about Stella and friendship, as that’s undeniably her best character trait, but I do want to talk about her personality--her humor, her emotional sensibility, her independence, etc.

Who doesn’t relate to a character who uses humor as a coping mechanism? Miss Stella’s a princess, born and bred, and I assume both due to that and to her parents’ failing marriage, Stella views emotional vulnerability as weakness on her part. This is what makes her partially blind to her friends’ feelings at times, not understanding as to why they feel like shit when they could just move on or fix the problem. She doesn’t always understand that most people go through heartbreak and grief and truly let themselves feel what they need to feel before moving on. Of course, this doesn’t mean she’s incompassionate, it simply takes her more time. Towards herself though, she doesn’t usually show the same empathy. While Stella’s anger is absolutely scorching, visible to everything and everyone and quite literally destroying everything in its path, Stella’s more complex emotions like self-hate to some extent, sorrow and guilt for her parents’ whose marriage is falling apart and she most definitely feels partly responsible for, are almost invisible at times. This is because she is the happy, cheerful one--the Fairy of the goddamn Shining Sun. She’s not meant to have a cloudy day, because she doesn’t allow herself to. This is where her sense of humor comes into play. If she ever catches herself revealing too much about any sort of negative emotions she might be feeling at the moment, you can bet your ass that she’s going to immediately laugh nervously, make a joke and try her very best to change the subject.

Anyway...kinda burnt out but I still wanna post this so maybe part two later.

[georgiasfm]

╰  ･ﾟ. * 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐆𝐄𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐈𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐀𝐘 ;

[ scarlett leithold, cis female, she/her ] have you seen GEORGIA CALLOWAY lately ? yeah, i heard they're TWENTY TWO years old and a REALITY TV STAR/PODCAST HOST now in charleston city. i mean, i don’t know if it’s their LEO vibes or that they’re -OBSTINATE and -CAPRICIOUS but also +GREGARIOUS and +EMPYREAN but they remind me of MIND GAMES by BANKS. here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble around here. 

hey besties ! i’m ley , i’m 20 ( well .... i will be at midnight ) , i go by she / her pronouns , and i’m livin’ in the est timezone ! i unfortunately have a super busy weekend bc it’s my birthday , so i won’t be able to be around as much as i want to be. but i’m gonna do my best to as active as possible ! thankfully i wrote this intro ahead of time so for once it isn’t a complete disaster ( it’s still not good tho so don’t have high expectations ) anyways , here’s miss georgia calloway !! 

𝐈  . 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬  :

FULL NAME  :  georgia belle calloway .       AGE  :  twenty - two  .   DATE OF BIRTH  :  july 23rd . ASTROLOGY SIGNS  :  leo sun , aquarius moon , pisces ascendant .   GENDER  : cis woman  .   PRONOUNS  :  she / her / hers  .   SEXUALITY  :  bisexual .       MOTHER  :  diane calloway  :  former pageant  &  debutante queen turned stay at home mom / trophy wife .   FATHER  :  jack calloway  :  career politician  &  mayor of charleston .  SIBLINGS  :  georgia is the middle child of five kids . two older brothers , two younger sisters .  POSITIVE TRAITS  :  gregarious  ,  vehement  ,  alluring  , venturesome  ,  empyrean , altruistic  . NEGATIVE TRAITS  :  obstinate  ,  reticent  ,  flighty  ,  temerarious  ,  capricious  .   AESTHETICS  :  the patter of raindrops against glass windows , the lingering scent cigarettes mixed with sweet perfume , drinking honey whiskey out of red solo cups ,  watching constellations with exhausted eyes , sneaking out by means of the vine trellis , leaving texts unanswered for days , a box of pageant awards hidden away in the closet , secrets that weigh more than gold on cherry stained lips , bending every rule just enough to get away with it , wrinkled white satin dresses and knee high ruffled socks , one too many bottomless mimosas at brunch , hearts drawn on fogged glass mirrors , lollipop stained lips . CHARACTER INSPO  :  brooke davis ( one tree hill ) , sarah cameron ( obx ) , lux lisbon ( the virgin suicides ) , jackie burkhart ( that 70s show ) . 

click here for a quick trip to her pinterest bc it describes her better than i ever could !!

( tw ; infidelity , death , drunk driving )

𝐈𝐈 .  𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝  :

       from the second she was born , georgia was treated as her mother’s little doll. diane had been ecstatic the day she found out she was with child for the second time , and even more ecstatic to find out she would be having their first little girl. she was dressed up in pink dresses and frilly socks , shown off to all of the women country or her mother’s weekly book club nights. she was the apple of her parent’s eyes , until she wasn’t. with brunette tresses  &  honey brown eyes , georgia was adored by everyone .... her beauty noted with claims that she would grow up to be a heartbreaker. her mother thrived on the compliments ; the subtle reminders to what her own childhood had been like. she had always planned on having a little girl that she could do pageants with just like she had with her own mother , and darling little georgia was perfect for that. at such a young age , georgia fell in love with the pageants. she thrived in the spotlight , with all eyes on her. and just like her mother , she won every competion she was entered in , until she didn’t. by the age of nine , georgia was starting to grow bored of the constant pageants and recitals , wanting to explore other interests. by that point , diane’s interest in her had worn off and moved onto the next child , a five year old with beautiful blonde curls and dimpled cheeks. georgia grew to know the subtle ache of rejection , and from that day forward , did everything she could to win back her mother’s affection. 

      from the outside , the calloway’s came off as the picture perfect family. but from the inside ? things were quite the opposite. georgia’s parents had unmeetable expectations for their children. get perfect grades , nothing below a b acceptable. sit down , look pretty , and shut up. don’t cause a scandal. their love was entirely conditional , only being shown when their was something they believed deserved rewarding. if you were to ask georgia , she wouldn’t be able to tell you the last time her mother actually hugged her for genuine reasons , and not to manipulate her into doing what she wanted. their father was rarely home , always away working or traveling for work. it became obvious that he was having an affair –– multiple affairs , but diane just looked the other way. the calloway family was very prominent in charleston , especially with her father being elected mayor , and their was nothing that diane would allow to ruin their image. even if it cost her own happiness.

       things got considerably more difficult around the calloway home when georgia was sixteen. her eldest brother had gone out for a night of fun with a group of friends , and made the fatal mistake of getting into a car with someone who was far too drunk to drive. georgia will never forget the conversation she overheard from the living room that night ; “ they were drunk. lost control of the vehicle. died on impact. ” it tore the family apart , dividing them even more than they already were. georgia couldn’t stand the silence of her home after her brother’s death. so she started partying constantly , going on 48 hour benders and staying out long past her curfew. she couldn’t even recognize herself in the mirror. gone was their innocent little girl , the apple of their eyes. even this couldn’t get the attention of her parents , they barely even noticed she was gone most of the time ; all they did was yell at her to not make them look like fools. 

        for her whole life , georgia followed her parent’s rules. after graduating high school , she was expected required to go college and get a degree , but georgia just couldn’t be bothered. this is the one time she went against her parent’s wishes. her fear of being stuck here forever , with the same life as her parents ; a husband that doesn’t love her and miserable children , won out over the need for approval from her parents. so she ran off to la , and landed herself on love island usa after being approached by a producer. georgia is reality tv gold , and quickly became a fan favorite. her most memorable moment being after she got her heart broken on live tv , when she purposely held up a lighter to set off fire alarms ; and then laid on the ground getting drenched by the sprinklers. so now she’s single again after being made a fool of in front of the world , back home with parents that hate her for bringing them unwanted attention , and stuck in the city she tried to get away from. but , she’s got a podcast. it’s called the bimbo summit and it’s pretty much the only thing bringing her joy right now. it started as a way for her to expose some behind the scenes shit from love island , but now it’s just for fun. 

𝐈𝐈𝐈 .  𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲  :

georgia is the girl that’s not easy to forget. she’s outgoing and amiable , but stubborn and not easy to push over. she was the one that moms would warn their kids to stay away from in high school ; she leaves a trail of destruction wherever she goes , no matter how hard she tries not to. she has the purest of intentions , genuinely just wanting love  &  happiness for herself and everyone around her , but it seems like the universe has different plans. 

she almost has this air of melancholy surrounding her ? like even when she’s happy and smiling , you can still sense it or see in her eyes that she’s not truly happy 

very charismatic , she’s a major people pleaser so she’ll put everyone else’s feelings before her own . she just wants everyone to be happy even if it means she ends up being miserable . 

georgia’s a selective oversharer . she’ll tell you all these useless little facts so you think she’s opening up when in reality you don’t truly know her because she refuses to talk about the things that matter . 

she’s trusting once she gets to know someone , but if you break that trust even once she’s not very quick to forgive. she’ll hear you out , but it’s unlikely that she’ll ever let you back in. 

she is completely unhinged. somehow picks the worst possible decision every time a problem arises. she’s not much of a logical thinker , and tends to let her heart make decisions for her. it’s gotten her into a world of trouble one too many times , and yet she’s never learnt her lesson. 

she’s also a serial dater. in her pea brain attention = love so she’ll flock to wherever she gets that. she likes the validation of relationships but hates the commitment , so pretty much all of her relationships end before they ever really start. 

don’t ever tell georgia she can’t do something. she’s a stubborn bitch and she’ll either do it immediately just to spite you or dedicate her entire life to proving you wrong and that’s not something anyone needs to deal with.

very opinionated and not afraid to make sure you know !! she will stand up for what she’s believes in without even a second of hesitation.

she would not be caught dead looking unpresentable .... she’ll do her hair and a full face of make up even if she’s waking up at 4am. and don’t even bother to ask her to go out after she’s done her skin care routine .... there’s no chance 

doesn’t really know how to handle her emotions ? so when she’s hurt she tends to just .... shut down & push everyone away 

she is a hardcore adrenaline junkie , she does so much stupid shit just for the thrill. making spontaneous and impulsive decisions is her favorite pass time.  she just holds a lot of emotion in , so anything that will release all of that or make her feel anything other than the things she’s avoiding are very much welcomed.

[lostarcher17]

Aside from the main couple, I love these two also. They have a cute dynamics. A-Xiang being an empowered female character who doesn't need to be saved most of the times since she could do it on her own, even saves her own man, or used as the rival of MC like in a typical BL-themed story (that's why I love all Priest's characters, except for the villain). She's a sister and like an own child for WKX. WKX raised her and they grew up together. Meanwhile, Wei Ning is so innocent, I think he has the purest soul in the story and the drama. It's his strength, but sadly it became his weakness, too. I love he was able to see through A-Xiang and loved her more. He also fought for her till the end...

When I read about what happened to them, it made me so sad, I had to stop reading for a while because I needed like to internalize what occured. I was able to finish Sha Po Lang first, and all characters I love lived happily ever after, so I thought it would be like this in Tian Ya Ke, too. Hence I was surprised to see the ending of my favorite girl. It's heartbreaking. Really. And the adaptation of that scene in the drama broke me like 10x more😭

Fortunately, there was an extra story that gave justice to it. In Ep. 17, it was mentioned by Wei Ning when he woke up after he was injured. And I think, it's good that they were able to have their own beautiful ending.

[emachinescat]

Let's Save Our Shows - The Ultimate MacGyver/JATP Team-Up!

This post is for fans of my two current favorite shows, both of which are in some kind of danger of not being renewed.  Both shows have petitions for renewal, and both shows, though different thematically, are full of amazing representation, have a passionate and talented cast who wants to keep going, and are backed by insanely loyal fans.  These shows are, of course, MacGyver and Julie and the Phantoms. Please, please, if you sign one - or both - of these petitions, or if you already have, REBLOG. Liking does nothing. The only way we will be able to get the word out and save our shows is by reblogging, sharing with others!

For my MacGyver peeps!

If you're not familiar with Julie and the Phantoms, let me catch you up!  This show, a Netflix original, is based on a Brazilian TV show called Julia y Los Fantasmos.  It's about a teenage girl, Julie, who quits music after her mom's death, but when she accidentally summons the ghosts of a band from 1995, these boys - Luke, Alex, and Reggie - help her find her love for music again.  It's crazy, it's sweet, it's romantic, it’s heartbreaking, it’s funny, it's musical, and it has so much heart.  But it also has so. much. representation.  And you know how much we MacGyver fans love representation!

So Julie is played by the gorgeous and stupidly talented Madison Reyes, a Puerto Rican-American teenager whose voice could level mountains.  But not only do we get a Latinx lead, but we also get to see her family - her amazing papá, her brother Carlos, and her tía! Another of the main characters, Alex (the purest and most relatable character on the show IMO) is not only gay, but he gets an actual love interest and he and Willie make the CUTEST INTERRACIAL GAY COUPLE I’ve ever seen!  Plus, Julie’s best friend Flynn is black, and the background characters are super diverse as well.

And the other characters - Luke, Reggie, Carrie, Bobby, Nick, Caleb - are all so colorful and interesting, too!  It’s just.. perfection.  And, well, season 1 premiered 8 months ago and still no peep of a renewal, never mind the fact that the show blew up and also won the Rotten Tomatoes Golden Tomato Award.  JATP fans have started a petition to have the show renewed.  Please, MacGyver friends, take a couple of seconds out of your day to sign this petition, even if you don't watch the show yourself, it would mean the world to us! Heck, why not sign and then watch the show? It's so worth it! :)

For my Julie and the Phantoms friends!

If you're not familiar with MacGyver, it's a reboot of the campy 80s action show by the same name. It's about a young man named Angus MacGyver who can make anything out of practically nothing, and has also worked as an expert EOD tech disarming bombs for the army. He now works for a clandestine organization called the Phoenix Foundation, saving the world one gadget at a time with his amazing team of fellow spies! I've bragged about how diverse JATP is - now it's time for me to brag about MacGyver!

To give you a bit of background, recently, one of the lead actors, Lucas Till, who plays MacGyver (you might recognize him from The Hannah Montana Movie), risked his career reporting an abusive showrunner to CBS. The showrunner was fired (though only after Till reported him several times), and the show just THIS SEASON replaced him with a woman of color showrunner, very rare in the television industry, especially in networks like CBS. That's a HUGE step. The show also just cast a black trans woman as a recurring character (a badass one at that)! CBS gave this black showrunner and black trans woman not even a full season to shine before canceling the show. That does not sit well with us.

So we've got Monica, our WOC showrunner. Then in our cast we have Parker, the super smart black trans agent with a master's degree. There's Riley, whose actress Tristin Mayes is black, Native American, and Creole, who is a super smart and badass hacker. Then there's Bozer, Mac's black best friend and biggest supporter - and an amazing character in his own right. There's Matty, the no-nonsense "mom" of the Team who runs the ops, kicks ass, and takes names, and who also has dwarfism. There's Desi, a Vietnamese-American badass (I know I keep using that word, but it's so true!) who protects the team and beats up bad guys. Russ is British, but he's got Peruvian and Scottish ancestry, which the show plays into!

And this show speaks out about major, important social issues including environmentalism, BLM, and more. And Mac himself is a cinnamon roll of an individual, and his best friend/partner for the first 3.5 seasons, Jack, is one of the most entertaining characters in media. There's also been a host of other characters on the show, but I went over the main ones. This show is DIVERSE.

Like I said, CBS canceled this show despite its high ratings, many viewers, and passionate fans and cast. CBS is also actively ignoring any campaigns to save the show. So if you would please take a moment, even if you don't watch the show, to sign this petition, it would mean the world to us MacGyver fans who are so ardently fighting the uphill battle to save our show!

Okay, so, can we do this? Can MacGyver fans take less than a minute out of their day and sign the JATP petition? And can JATP fans take less than a minute out of their day and sign the MacGyver petition? Last I checked, the JAPT petition had over 80k signatures, and the MacGyver petition had nearly 18.5k. Can we band together to save our shows? https://www.change.org/p/cbs-save-macgyver

[banditoswift]

I posted 413 times in 2021

16 posts created (4%)

397 posts reblogged (96%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 24.8 posts.

I added 45 tags in 2021

#dream smp - 9 posts

#wilbur soot - 6 posts

#my art - 6 posts

#dsmp - 5 posts

#dream smp art - 4 posts

#quackity - 4 posts

#tommyinnit - 3 posts

#dreamwastaken - 3 posts

#dreamnotfound - 3 posts

#tntduo - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 83 characters

#i think this all in my head in like 20 seconds but it takes me like 40 mins to type

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

let me explain to you one of the most beautiful parts of luca to me.

all alberto knew his whole life was being left right? he’s a ‘no good kid’ who shouldn’t be given the time of day. then he meets luca. and luca immediately changes this and helps alberto believe that maybe, just maybe he’s deserving of love to and that there’s actually nothing wrong with him. but then fast forward to luca calling alberto a sea monster in front of everyone and all the feelings of abandonment, of feeling neglected and unwanted, began to come back to alberto as he swam off with tears in his eyes. he was stupid. he was stupid enough to believe that for once he actually found someone good. someone caring. someone like him who would love him for who he was and not leave him. and yet here he was. sitting alone, having wrecked all he’s collected over the past year he’s been alone, all over a stupid boy who alberto should’ve known wouldve left too eventually.

then luca did something that’s never happened to alberto. he came back. luca found him again and came back. he was weary, unbelieving that someone, anyone, would come back for him. but here luca was. despite this he knew it would be too good to last. he knew that if he did it once it’ll happen again. albertos been left too many times for him to allow himself to be hurt and left again.

but then the most wondrous thing happens. luca wins the race. luca wins, in the rain, after throwing himself in harms way to save alberto. “you’re actually crazy!” “i learned it from you!!” luca not only didn’t leave alberto, he saved him. he saved him from everyone else but also.. he saved him from himself.

now the town is accepting of sea monsters and luca and alberto have the means to travel the world like they wanted.

but alberto sees the look in lucas eyes. he knows that what he really wants is to go to school. but luca doesn’t want to leave alberto, he’ll never abandon him again, and so he vows to see the world with alberto. for the first time in his life, alberto is convinced that someone loves him.

they lay under the stars in the treehouse and alberto catches a glance at luca. his eyes full of wonderment and lights. he looks so happy content and intrigued. for the first time in his life, alberto is too. and he’s convinced that if he and luca ever got separated, he’s the one person who would actually come back.

that’s when he got the idea.

the idea of letting luca go to school. he organized everything for him. from family to packing, alberto wanted this to be a surprise and wanted it to be perfect. when it came to selling the vespa it was hard,, but knowing that luca would come back to him, and that they now had all the time in the world to explore the world, he was willing to do it.

and then the day comes. the look on lucas face once he realizes what’s going on is the utmost purest joy alberto has ever seen. “come on alberto!” “...alberto... you are coming right??” the look that came next was the most heartbreaking face alberto has ever seen luca make. but despite this he held with his decision. luca was going to go to school. alberto was going to stay here. they would see each other in the summer again.

the train starts moving as their hands slip away from each other. their eyes stay locked as alberto chases the train as far as he can go.

there’s tears in albertos eyes. this isn’t a goodbye. for the first time in his life, he’s certain that in a few months, there’s a boy named luca who loves him, that will be on a train on his way back to his arms.

for the first time in his life, alberto wasn’t left nor abandoned. he let go.

“you got me off the island luca...”

150 notes • Posted 2021-07-29 06:49:40 GMT

#4

i’m sorry,, WHAT?!

228 notes • Posted 2021-06-18 11:47:04 GMT

#3

so... about dnf

433 notes • Posted 2021-06-18 10:51:29 GMT

#2

“i’ll cut your throat, that’ll shut you up!”

“you look so beautiful right now.”

isnt this basically how ponks red banquet speech went?

738 notes • Posted 2021-05-07 06:54:12 GMT

#1

hey guys look i made something

2494 notes • Posted 2021-05-13 05:46:13 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[dugongoazzurro-blog]

Eddie Kaspbrak and Richie Tozier. I have always loved their interactions since I read the book. Their relationship is amazing. Richie and Eddie were bestfriend since kindergarden, so they knew each other very well. The thing of their relationship is the fact that Richie costantly teases Eddie, since they were kids. All of you knows that Richie often called Eddie with nicknames: Eddie Spaghetti, Eds, Spaghetti Head. Richie always suspected that Eddie loved when Richie teased him. I remember that in the book he called Eddie cute and pinched his cheek. How adorable.   Also in the movie we always sees that Richie and Eddie teases each other.

I always thinked that Eddie and Richie compensate each other: they are the opposite, we can say in a certain way that Richie is the strongest one and Eddie the softest one. Actually not. In my opinion Richie has always felt alone, and he tried to hide this fact with jokes. By the contrast Eddie has never be fragile, because on many occasions we can see that Eddie prove that is the bravest of the Losers Club. We know that he suffered psychological abuse. He always thinked he was different from other kids, but he was not. So many times they proved their affection towards each other, for example the simple fact that every time Eddie is in danger Richie immediatly reach for Eddie. In a kind of way Richie wanted to protect Eddie, always.

I'm happy that in It Chapter Two they gave justice to their relationship. I loved when Richie reminded to Eddie that he was bravest that he thinked. Guess what? He was. He saved Richie's ass. I remember that the Eddie's death was differen in book, but in this movie they also gave justice to a character like Eddie. The scene of his death literally broke my heart: he proved his courage to Richie, but much more important to himself, and then he died in the most heartbreaking way possible in front of Richie.

Since they were kids they built a beautiful friendship based on caring and love. Often in the book there are subdle references to their "love" (Eddie likes when Richie call him Eds and I remember once Richie called him my love. I was really freaking out at the time), because in the book we are not sure if Eddie and Richie are actually in love. I think when they are kids it's difficult to say what kind of love is, but I can say that is the purest kind of love.

In It Chapter Two we see that Richie had feelings for Eddie since when he was thirteen,but he couldn't admit to himself these kind of feelings. He was afraid. He stopped being afraid when he lost the love of his life. When they came back to Derry they replicated the pure friendship they had in their childhood, and we clearly see how Richie depends on Eddie and viceversa. In the book Eddie dies in Richie's arms, right after brushing gently Richie's cheek and telling him to stop calling him Eds. The cutest and the softest thing ever. We can finally said that Reddie is canon, and I'm glad of it. In my opinion their love is a platonic love. They never had to express their love, even in a physical way. Their relationship is based on caring for each other and that is what true love should be. On caring. By the way I don't ship the actors, Finn and Jack, or Bill and James. I think these actors have a beautiful chemistry on set and frienship, but nothing more. In the end I want people appreciates James Ransone's job. His permformance was outstanding. I'm in love with him seriously. I really think that this movie was an important opportunity for James to prove his talent.

But Bill and James are such a cuties!