#the promise she didn't keep

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Don't Wormy About Me.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[gomzdrawfr]

OC doodle with the 141 - tw: alcohol, small mention of death

Honest Feelings

[septimusmoonlight]

You doing ok?

hi

[oediex]

Posting a picture of my previous foster kittens every day from now on to encourage myself to get my house in order so i can get new ones!

This, I believe, is Elfie, one of the Christmas Kittens. She's a little wet around the ears from treatment for an ear infection they were fighting. They hated it.

[dustteller]

Not to get too literature major on the five other people in this fandom, but have you guys ever read Montaigne's On Friendship bc that's just Esen’s brain. That's what going on up there.

To paraphrase exactly what I mean, the argument of the essay, but it's Esen's version: Hey guys. Have u met my bestie, Ouyang? He's so cool and smart and talented. We share a friendship so deep and intimate that nothing can compare. Sure yeah u can fuck women but what is romantic yearning when compared to our friendship. Some people would call this brotherhood, but they're wrong, bc this is better. I want to talk to him and grow old with him and delight in his company for the rest of my life. Women could never. Imagine if they were capable of cultivating so deep a bond tho, then both our souls and bodies could be tied together. That'd be the ultimate form of friendship, but u can't have sex with a guy, that would be gay, and women can't love like this so they're out the window too.

He explains this to his brother once, who immediately goes that's kinda gay and he immediately goes "no its not u just don't know the epic highs and lows of having the ultimate homie relationship. That's so sad for u, I hope you one day find hapiness like this. Ouyang is my bestie <3 (i desire him carnally but thats just bc hes pretty u know how it is).

I just think Wang Baoxiang has to be the most long suffering person in the entirety of these books bc he's the only B plot character self-aware enough to truly realize he's surrounded by idiots. Esen is Dumbass Prime.

[deer-with-a-stick]

The more time I spend explaining Tolkien lore to my brother the more I realize that Tolkien was just batshit insane

[spittingspite]

It's always "character who will do anything to protect their loved one, even commit horrific acts of violence, learn kindness and mercy at the request of their loved one" and never "merciful character who hates violence and fighting makes an exception because they love someone so much they will disregard their own morals and values to commit horrific acts of violence if that's what it takes to keep their loved one safe"

[lollipopsie]

going crazy. goobbye.

[princescar]

got a request for Monaca and Junko painting their nails together and just-

Thinking about how Servant always covers his hand in UDG but doesn't bother in Chp 0 of sdr2 like he doesn't care about who sees.

Thinking about how he could be covering it because if Monaca knew then shed fucking lose it and possibly fuck up whatever goal he had.

Or that she does know and demands he either chops it off or covers it.

So much angst potential

[medicinemane]

So... I hadn't checked for a while cause I knew the government was covering my $0 a month income ass with the SAVE program (which I've since learned republicans have been suing to put a stop to and federal judges have frozen which... thanks guys)

Anyway, before that happened they must have paid off my loans cause... I mean... I cut everything even remotely identifiable out there, but just look... paid in full, $0.00 balance!

So... thank Biden, thanks Harris... you actually did what you said you would

That's a huge weight off me. I mean, I was in forbearance (or whatever the one is where you tell the loan company you've got $0 in income) for a long time (which I learned probably had kind of screwed me over with the old rules) but... this way I don't have to worry that if I ever get on my feet I'll suddenly be slammed by student loans

This means I get to focus on making things better for myself by doing stuff to work on my house so it holds heat better and so my backdoor has a deck instead of a 5 foot dead drop into the basement stairwell

Really fucking wish these student loan repayments wouldn't keep getting blocked by judges, like sorry, now that mine's been paid off I still want the program even though I got mine... I want everyone else to get theirs too

Just... yeah... some good news, some real good news

[ratinthevoid]

why did i believe i can ever come out to her

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

Me, when Sebastian joins my party for the first time: Okay, this time I'm not going to forget about you, Sebastian. I'm going to make an effort to use you a lot this playthrough so I can better understand you.

Also me, immediately forgetting about Sebastian while finishing Act 2 and making it halfway through Act 3 before I finally notice his Faith quest: ......................Oh. Right. My bad.

[oflights]

now i'm curious why do you have a blood feud with emerald fennell? what has she done to you?

asdlksadjd oh anon, what HASN'T she done to me!!

her sins:

killing eve season 2

the promising young woman bait and switch (what do you mean the thing that ruined her life was actually seeking revenge and not rape culture?? this is feminism??? it's actually wrong to seek justice and you must be Punished for it?)

her class politics are suspect as hell. the talented mr. ripley did saltburn without validating ruling class paranoia that the middle class is constantly scheming to steal their wealth and property and that's the only way they can be upwardly mobile. i feel like she read some henry james and walked away from it not understanding anything but wanting to write something about it. also i want to know what jewel heiress emerald fennell took from parasite. quick.

i just think she's a crappy writer who strings twists! and shock value! and style! and aesthetic! all together with poor underlying narratives that surround a conservative worldview that you'd walk into an intro to lit course with and think was very impressive, except she walked out of it with the same worldview because i'm not entirely convinced she can read.

[cesium-sheep]

aaaaaaa okey I ordered the speaker and the star projector. (and a beauty blender and a neck support and the new volume of yona and the garbage disposal cleaner matt wanted.) it was still only $35 actually out of pocket and I get my allowance in the morning which will completely replace that amount. I will definitely like the speaker and if I don't like the star projector arin will.

[seldaryne]

1, 6 and 11 for Velrith!!

What circumstances led to your Dark Urge becoming their Class/Subclass?

The short version is that she felt like it was a natural decision after a lifetime of being "wrong" in her own skin.

Velrith often found (& still finds) herself in the position of feeling as though she interacts with the world from within a glass box. There's always been something that's prevented her from fully connecting with the people around her, including her adoptive parents. She might have perfectly understood the rules to a game the children in her neighbourhood played with each other, but she doesn't get their jokes and her typical pensive stare makes them feel uncomfortably watched. She's always been able to correctly mimic the physical 'steps' that everyone else seems to operate with, but she knows that she's missing some vital, unspoken part of them that'd actually have her integrating seamlessly.

Knowing all of that, it makes sense that when she started to hit her teens, she decided that her energy would be better spent being useful to the people around her. Don't mistake it for exactly being at peace with her shortcomings, though, because she probably would have given literally anything to "perform" properly. She just learned early on that her own choice was acceptance; change was too impossible. Taking up an Oath of Devotion in her late teens gave her an ethical set of principles to follow in unfamiliar situations, and also put her in a position where she could always make herself useful/helpful.

If an object is broken, you fix it. If it can't be fixed, you repurpose it. If it can't be repurposed, you throw it away. Velrith figured that if she was always on the outside, then she's the broken object. The closeness the world outside of her glass box seemed to enjoy just... wasn't for her. So it was better to let her life be used for something objectively positive, and acquire worth via her actions. And if she died in the process, she always figured it wouldn't be much of a loss or sacrifice.

(Naturally, a certain someone didn't appreciate this dedication to the greater good & decided it was time to cut her ties, being embraced by the cult soon after. As far as the neighbours are concerned, cultists are responsible for the murder of the couple & the kidnapping of their adoptive daughter.)

6. How does your Dark Urge react to waking up with memory loss?

Surprisingly... alright?

On the surface, you might mistake her apparent lack of action or concern for passiveness. In truth, she's deep in observation, taking in all of her surroundings & trying to piece them together into a coherent explanation. It also helps that the one thing she does remember is her Oath, and as far as she's concerned, if that's the only thing in her head, then it must be important to follow it. Thanks to the tunnel-visioned focus on the tenets, she's able to cope. She's also generally someone who's more logic-driven than anything else, and doesn't typically react emotionally until she's sorted things out first. Panicking won't really help her, but keeping a cool head seems like it could be more effective. It's a bit inconvenient to not have a name for some time, but she eventually settles on Velrith & that's no longer an issue. She was also operating on the assumption that this was just a side effect of the parasite, thanks to Shadowheart's experience, but eventually concluded it was unrelated.

It's slightly frustrating to not know her own likes or dislikes, so she does her best to at least enjoy the curiosity of rediscovery. It was an absolute delight to try a pomegranate for what was functionally the first time ever, and she decided it was her favourite fruit that day. There are songs and stories to hear anew, facets of herself that she needs to unearth, and it's all up to her. It's not unusual to catch her stopped off to the side somewhere, almost visibly etching something new into her memory, eyes bright and transfixed on whatever the source of her quiet (often delighted) fascination may be. Even if something seems stupid or childish, 9/10 times she'll volunteer to do it too if the offer for attendance is made. She once disappeared for half the afternoon at camp with Yenna, only to be found a little way off in a field very seriously listening to the girl's instructions on the creation of flower crowns.

As flickers of the past slowly start dripping in, there's a part of her that wants to know more. On some level, she thinks she needs to so that she can properly atone. On the other hand, the scraps she has are pretty horrific. She was fully prepared to die as herself at the hand of Bhaal, and felt that it would be a justified end for all the pain she's inflicted in her lifetime. But if she's to live on, she's going to try and balance things out with her present actions.

11. What motivates your Dark Urge to either embrace or resist the Urge?

At first, resisting is the only thing that makes sense in her mind. The Urge stands in direct contrast with her Oath, and she fundamentally refuses to let herself break that. If she loses that, she loses what is genuinely the sole thing she remembers about herself for a sustained amount of time.

(She has, in fact, previously broken it twice. Once, when Bhaal forced her hand into murdering her parents. Her rise in the cult wasn't exactly voluntary. Her actions were mostly her own, but truly, whatever optimism she had managed to scrap together growing up was completely crushed by Bhaal with that one incident. Convincing her that the only thing she was able to do was hurt people was easy; she was broken, after all, so perhaps that was always meant to be how she was used. The other incident was accidental, during a fight in the Underdark. That one shattered her, because she was trying so hard to prove she could be more than her Urge, and she still failed. She took it up again, but the painful, terror-filled memory remains.)

But once she realizes what she is, it becomes a life-or-death matter. If it comes down to it, she's going to cut herself down if it means she gets to die with her own mind. She's fought too hard to feel like a person, to put together a version of herself that she feels comfortable letting other people see. There's too much there to give it up now, and for what? A god who didn't even bother to make her whole? Who gave her a fractured ability to connect, but forgot to remove the longing for community? Knowing her intended purpose fills her with an immeasurable amount of grief, and the only thing she knows how to do with that overwhelming feeling is wield it against the Urge. At least that feels a bit less hopeless.

dark urge asks.

[omni-scient-pan-da]

I swear to god, if me and Michelle end up in an honest to god relationship I'm selling the fucking rights (to myself) and getting it made into a million dollar blockbuster movie (forcing my otp at the time to live through the 400k word slowburn I fear I may be trapped in)