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shihalyfie · 4 years ago

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A meta on Mimi and her character

Today’s spotlight character is Mimi! While the Adventure characters are all written to subvert character stereotypes (no, really), I feel this is particularly enhanced for Mimi, whose surface demeanor and the first impression you get from her suggest an almost opposite character to whom she actually is.

Disclaimer before we continue: While not to the same extent as Daisuke, Mimi’s disposition and personality have some significant differences in the American English dub compared to the original Japanese. As usual, this is not meant to be any particular comment about the dub’s changes, but simply that if you’ve only seen that dub, are reading this post, and are thinking “that doesn’t seem right?” that would probably be why.

Mimi’s family background and attitude prior to Adventure

Like with any of the other Adventure characters, understanding Mimi’s personality and why she acts the way she does is most easily done by starting with her family background.

We first meet Mimi’s family in Adventure episode 35.

There is a lot to unpack with only this scene alone, so let’s get started!

Mimi’s family is quite well-to-do. They’re not filthy rich or anything, but they’re well-to-do enough for Mimi’s father to work freelancer (he works in music). This means that Mimi grew up with a fairly “comfortable” life, probably getting pretty much anything she asked for -- in other words, she’s spoiled. It also explains why she’s actually pretty impeccably polite to everyone -- she adheres very firmly to honorifics when speaking to both elders and younger people, and never, ever speaks roughly or aggressively, because her parents have basically been raising her like a “lady of the house” (ojousama) or princess. (She does use casual-form Japanese, but she never lets up on the honorifics.)

They’re very open-minded. We learn in this episode that Mimi’s bizarre food tastes in liking natto on her eggs with sugar (from Adventure episode 6) most likely come from her mother, Satoe, cooking things like kimchi fried rice with whipped cream and strawberries. In other words, the family is very into the idea of “unconventional and strange” and has no qualms about it.

While Mimi in 02 is portrayed as liking practically any kind of fashion aesthetic imaginable, both her room and the overall decor of the apartment suggest that “in-your-face cute” is the generally favored one.

Mimi’s family is also extremely affectionate. They smother each other in lovey-dovey words, her father actively likes Satoe’s weird cooking ideas, and it’s a household where everyone seems to dote on and mutually love and support each other (Mimi’s parents are almost embarrassingly lovey-dovey) without restraint.

The result is that Mimi ends up “spoiled sweet” -- she’s pampered and used to a comfortable life where everyone dotes on her, but because of the family dynamic being so built on “affection” and “open-mindedness”, she also never develops a streak towards condescension or malice.

What does that mean, you might ask?

Mimi in Adventure

A lot of people remember Mimi by the fact that she was “whining a lot” in the early stages of Adventure, and the fact that she’s a “girly-girl” with some of the associated stereotypes. As a result, one may be surprised to hear that her behavior is actually supposed to be mostly representative of an average child in her situation, and she’s often described in press materials as “someone who can befriend anyone” or “someone who can get along with anyone”. Even her official website profile talks about how pretty much everyone considers her likeable.

This may seem difficult to believe at first, but you might actually notice a pattern when it comes to her “complaining” -- it pretty much always boils down to one of the following, or something along these lines:

I’m scared

I’m tired

I don’t like this/I don’t want that

I want a bath/bed/food/(some other home comfort)

I want to go home

In other words, Mimi is basically reacting like an average child would when thrown into another world out of nowhere! All of her complaints are out of low tolerance and high sensitivity -- all of these scary and uncomfortable things around her are making her feel bad, and she’s not hesitating to make that clear with her words.

However -- and this is very important -- these are all things she’s saying specifically because she’s now in a dangerous, unfamiliar situation in another world. All of these things are things she says defensively, because she’s sensitive to being uncomfortable or hurt, but she is also never aggressive towards others. In completely normal situations -- ones where all she’s doing is socializing at school -- it’s not hard to believe that she would actually be one of the nicest and most considerate people on the planet and that she would be instantly likeable to anyone she meets. Why? Because she lacks condescension or malice. She’s a very nice person who, if not for being under heavy stress, would never step on anyone’s toes. Even during those early episodes of Adventure, whenever there’s “down time” and they’re not in an uncomfortable situation or being chased by something, she goes back to being polite and respectful of others (remember: she’s one of the most adherent to honorifics among the cast), and is perfectly kind and agreeable with them.

As much as she may sometimes get demanding during the early episodes of Adventure, she also doesn’t expect her peers to cater to her nor does she look down on them. One of the biggest examples comes from the Adventure novel:

Mi–chan was pointing at the front of the bus, where a boy wearing a long–sleeved orange shirt was about to get off. Even Mimi knew who he was. They hardly ever talked together, but he was her classmate, Koushiro Izumi. Mi–chan wanted them to look at what Koushiro was carrying on his back – a wireless laptop. “Isn’t he so weird for bringing that all the way to camp?” Mi–chan sneered with mocking laughter, but Mimi didn’t laugh. She simply didn’t find any reason to.

In a situation where people are mocking this weirdo kid for bringing his laptop to camp, Mimi “sees no reason” to look down on him. To her, what’s the point? It’s not fun to be malicious towards others, and she sees no benefit in dunking on him. Hence, because she’s actually very polite and open-minded towards others, and doesn’t see any reason to be mean, she’s not mean, and so you can see why everyone would like her -- after all, she’s not only bright and cheerful, she’s also polite and kind! Who wouldn’t like such a nice person?

Mimi’s first “focus episode” is Adventure episode 6, and we already see a lot of these traits in action. Mimi gets to see the other kids making absolute fools of themselves under Monzaemon’s brainwashing, but the most she has to say is just observing that they seem to not be having fun, and being worried about their well-being. Once she finds out the truth behind what he did to them, she gets extremely angry on her friends’ behalf -- she actually calls them her “friends”, despite them barely knowing each other at this point!

And then when the Numemon step in to fight for her, despite her initially having been turned off by them (mainly because they make her uncomfortable, both by indulging in literal poop around her presence and by invading her personal space by flirting with her), she actually almost breaks down in tears over them!

What this all means is that Mimi’s “high sensitivity” also translates to something else: Mimi has extremely high empathy for others. In terms of being “sensitive”, she’s also sensitive to how other people feel. She worries about others’ welfare constantly, even when they’re poop-throwing slime monsters who had just flirted with her, or near-stranger classmates who just happen to have been thrown onto this adventure with her whom she barely knows. That’s why she’s so nice to other people -- she feels for them, and she constantly empathizes with others’ emotions, so that’s why she’s never rude to others nor does she step on their toes.

It’s also why, even after Koushirou rubs her the wrong way and momentarily causes her to lash out at him for being insensitive about her feelings in Adventure episode 10, she also never seems to hold a grudge against him thereafter (especially since, for as much as he was acting pretty frustrating, she understands he was doing it out of good intentions). In fact, Mimi is pretty much incapable of holding a grudge at all. (More on this later!)

Mimi’s most famous incident of “succumbing to her vices” is Adventure episode 25, when she ends up letting the Geckomon and Otamamon pamper her while stringing along and refusing to do the job they’d needed her for in the first place (singing to wake TonosamaGeckomon). Let’s go over what led to Mimi getting in this situation:

Mimi was basically at her limit. She had been in the Digital World for what had been implied to be months. Going that long without her bath or soft bed or comfort, it’s understandable that she finally let stress overcome her and succumbed to her vices in full. This is basically Mimi at one of her worst possible breaking points, not her most of the time.

Taichi, Jou, and their partners never gave her a very good reason why they should leave (Taichi never explained the problems going on in the real world, nor that he’d even taken a pit stop there) and now, for all she knows, they’re trapped in the Digital World forever, so when she sees an offer to make it all stop hurting, she naturally takes it -- especially when the people telling her to leave aren’t giving her any reason why except that she should.

Even despite all that, Mimi has a complete mental breakdown after her tantrum ends up throwing everyone in jail, dreaming about how everyone must hate her now and how even the Geckomon and Otamamon are tiring of her (the fact this pops up in her dream implies that she’d had a feeling this was coming for a while now). Sora comes to give her a little encouragement, but even she says that Mimi already really knows what she should be doing now. Mimi ends up bringing everyone out to apologize to them and fulfill her duty before the night is even over.

So let’s recap: Mimi is so empathetic and worried about other people’s feelings and what they think of her that, even in arguably one of the worst mental health crashes we’ve ever seen her have on screen, she still breaks down at the prospect of disappointing everyone and making them hate her to the point she immediately recognizes how far she’s fallen and takes it back before the night’s even over. That is how much other people, ranging from Taichi to a crowd of Digimon she’s only vaguely acquainted with, matter to her.

The full “payoff” for this episode in terms of the light of the Crest of Purity glowing and achieving Lilimon evolution does not happen until Adventure episode 35.

It is interesting for a lot of reasons, mainly because it involves all of the events happening in response to things that don’t sound very virtuous on their face (early in the episode, Mimi insensitively comments on Palmon being “bad taste”, and later in the episode she starts considering the Digimon tormenting others unforgivable).

The “Crest of Purity” (sometimes “Innocence”) is something that’s often been difficult to translate, mainly because the easiest words that come to mind often have other unwanted implications, but the real point of it is that, again, Mimi is lacking in malice. The way she talks to Palmon at the beginning of the episode indicates she really didn’t think Palmon would take it seriously (she even urges her to “not think too much into it”), only to find out at the end of the episode that she sort of kind of did. (Trust me, she’s very sorry about it.) The other thing is that, when she starts protesting at the Digimon at the end of the episode, she’s doing this specifically because she’s weeping on behalf of all of the tormented civilians (including her family) that are being caught in the crossfire. She’s so constantly empathetic towards other people that seeing other people hurt, regardless of how well she knows them, just eats her inside. So for her, those who cause that kind of suffering are unforgivable, because they’re inflicting that pain on others.

This is also what leads to her breakdown near the three-quarters mark of the series. Like with how she eventually came to empathize with the Numemon who fought on her behalf, Mimi holds no grudge against Scumon and Chuumon despite them having flirted with her earlier, and Chuumon taking a hit for her hurts her the deepest among all of the other kids. Because Mimi is so empathetic towards others, every death starts tearing away further until she finally can’t take it anymore.

Mimi is fundamentally the kind of person who hates fighting, and even from day one she’d never liked it -- her way of “encouraging” fighting was more like hoping that Palmon (or her evolved forms) could survive. If she wanted to win, it was in the sense of wanting everyone to Not Die; she was never belligerent. But now that the actual body count of people she considers friends is rising, she associates fighting so deeply with that body count that the pain gets to her, and the last straw breaks in Adventure episode 45 in the form of two people she considers friends, Taichi and Yamato, getting in a fight. Everyone around her is hurt. Everyone around her is pain. The naturally empathetic Mimi feels all of this, and she thus decides to pull back from the fighting.

Mimi being such a firm pacifist does have its benefits -- not only does it mean that she holds no grudge against Ogremon in Adventure episode 46 and bid for treating his wounds even though Jou (understandably!) is initially more skeptical because of how he’d initially tried to kill them, she also creates a major dent in Ogremon’s “fated rival” philosophy towards Leomon by forcing him to question: so what if you do defeat your rival? Then what? What’s the point of fighting? Does it actually make you feel better to try and prove your strength this way? (Even Leomon, for all he’s portrayed as noble, is still shown to have a petty investment in his conflict with Ogremon in the following episode.) Ogremon tries not to think too hard about it, but Mimi questioning “what he would do if Leomon were gone” becomes a question he really does have to confront when Leomon dies in the next episode...

...which is also an important learning lesson for Mimi herself as well: fighting may cause collateral damage, but not fighting doesn’t help things either, because when less-than-virtuous forces are at work, casualties will happen either way. In fact, it’s even worse to be a sitting duck, because now you’re just doing nothing when people die right in front of you. Which is a lesson that Jou had wanted to tell her earlier, but didn’t know how to describe to her in words because of his own complicated feelings:

What he wanted to tell her was this: that he didn’t see any likelihood of co-existing with the Dark Masters, and that they had no other choice but to fight them. Even a neutral country like Switzerland had a military. They would be invaded by enemy countries without one. It would be nice and ideal if they used the nonviolent resistance approach as Ghandi did. But that didn’t mean it was okay to just be killed without lifting a finger… But not even he could find a good answer.

However, Mimi is still a pacifist. Even if she finally understands that fighting is necessary, that should not mean that she should now force herself to become someone gung-ho and enthusiastic about it. This is why, in Adventure episode 50, Jou contemplates different ways they can productively contribute to the fight -- because Mimi should not be obligated to personally fight herself when it’s not in her fundamental nature, and Jou personally does not feel that he’s very good at it. But Jou, having put some thought into “one’s own path”, realizes that literal physical violence fighting isn’t the only way to be “part of the fight” -- and so while Jou starts to realize that his unique role is becoming someone who can be a capable healer and doctor for those who are wounded, Mimi has her own talents that she can use to bring Digimon and other allies together. Because Mimi is a kind and charismatic person whom everyone finds likeable and would be willing to come along with, and since she holds no grudges against anyone, nobody would hold any grudges against her, so she’s perfect for the role of “bringing people together for the sake of what they want to protect”.

And she does. Adventure being a series that respects the contributions of those who don’t necessarily participate by direct fighting, Mimi’s rallying together of the Digimon becomes key to saving everyone in Adventure episode 52, and the fact that everyone’s together in the end makes for a great group photo.

Speaking of the final episode, in case the point hadn’t been driven home enough that Mimi’s the most empathetic and emotionally sensitive of the entire cast, the series famously ends on her very emotionally compromised farewell with Palmon. Of course, Palmon’s the one who kind of initiated it (she’s the one who initially refuses to see Mimi because she’s too emotionally compromised), but, after all, the series ends on Mimi being so frazzled about it that she loses her hat.

Mimi in 02 and beyond

As with the other Adventure kids, Mimi’s character arc continues in 02, and we learn a lot about her before she even makes her first personal appearance!

Firstly, we learn that Mimi’s moved to America. The in-universe reason is that it’s for her father’s work...or, at least, ostensibly so, because 02 episode 40 implies that the actual reason was that her parents wanted them to be away from Digimon incidents. (Which, of course, didn’t last very long.) The meta reason for Mimi moving, however, very likely has to do with the fact that 02 involves a subplot of Chosen Children appearing all over the world, and Mimi’s character involves an innate talent for bringing people together.

We learn in Two-and-a-Half Year Break that Mimi moved in 2001, only one year before 02′s events, and eventually got caught in the 9/11 incident -- where she met a number of other American Chosen Children in New York and, now much stronger of heart since the events of Adventure, was able to help them in the recovery efforts, despite there being a language barrier. With this, and the fact she’s shown at a huge party in 02 episode 14: they’re not kidding when they say Mimi can become friends with pretty much anyone. Even going to an entirely different country and dealing with a language and cultural barrier, Mimi is such a naturally kind and compassionate person that she immediately doesn’t have any problem fitting in. (Because, really, someone that level of kind and friendly is hard to dislike.) And in a world where international solidarity between Chosen Children is getting more and more important, that is a very valuable role to have.

The other thing we find out early about Mimi in 02 episode 2 is that Sora catches on that Miyako is a lot like Mimi, based on the fact that Miyako also is empathetic and has an aversion to fighting. And Sora’s completely right, because when Mimi does come into the picture, the similarities -- and differences -- between her and Miyako say a lot about both characters.

When Mimi arrives in Japan in 02 episode 6 (for her cousin’s wedding), she and Miyako immediately get along with each other, and Miyako instantly role-models her, to the point of claiming her as an honorary older sister (despite already having older sisters herself!). It’s not surprising; Mimi and Miyako are both very bright and cheerful people, and Miyako even shares the background of being slightly pampered by her family (although presumably more due to her being the youngest of several siblings). Mimi, for her part, continues her trend of being likeable and fond of pretty much everything (including even her beloved tuna-mayo onigiri that she hadn’t had for so long), and is perfectly happy to be tight with Miyako.

The Digitamamon incident in 02 episode 14, however, adds an extra layer into why Miyako idolizes Mimi so much besides Mimi just being cool in general: Mimi is kind, forgiving, mature, and incapable of holding a grudge -- to the point her pacifistic tendencies kick in even when Digitamamon gets hit by a Evil Spiral and she refuses to fight him, despite him literally starting to beat her up. Again, Mimi came to understand the inevitability of having to fight back in Adventure, but Digitamamon is, to her, a friend who was trying his hardest to turn over a new leaf -- so, naturally, she tries to see if she can appeal to his heart instead. Miyako, on the other hand, is on the opposite extreme -- she’s so judgmental about her poor first impression with Digitamamon that, despite fully knowing well that Evil Spirals cause their victims to lose their ability to have reason, keeps trying to use it as evidence that Digitamamon was a traitor from the get-go.

Considering that the “secondary Digimentals” arc is largely about Daisuke, Miyako, and Iori coming to terms with their deficiencies in their respective traits and aspiring to do better, Miyako unfavorably compares herself to Mimi because Mimi is everything she wants to be and currently isn’t. Unlike Mimi, Miyako is aggressive, in-your-face, occasionally judgmental, belligerent, sometimes insensitive (not by choice), and often shallow, which she fully admits to in this episode. Of course, the reason Miyako gets the Digimental of Purity (Mimi’s trait) is because she hates this about herself -- even in 02 episode 31, she gives herself no shortage of grief for her foot-in-mouth syndrome and the fact she’s not as “kind” of a person she wants to be, and she herself is also fundamentally devoid of malice, just quick to jump to conclusions and a bit sidetracked by first impressions. (After all, Mimi was guilty of being accidentally insensitive when she called Palmon lacking in taste back in Adventure; the point is that when both of them do it, they really don’t mean badly, and end up sorry for it later.)

But that’s a story for another post about Miyako; more importantly, the reason Miyako is harsh on herself about this in this episode is that, in many ways, she’s everything Mimi is not, because Mimi is empathetic and mature and polite and never steps on anyone’s toes.

02 episode 25 gives us more to work with; first of all, she’s depicted in yet another completely different hair and fashion style (which she brings up another of during the winter season), and her drastic shifts in style indicate more of her “open-mindedness”; she’s open to trying out tons of new things and is willing to like just about anything. More importantly, however, she turns out to be completely open-minded about recruiting Ken to help out, even though she’s well aware of what he’d done as the Kaiser (and, again, Miyako sees her ability to be forgiving as something to look up to). Because, again, Mimi doesn’t hold a grudge; she doesn’t send anything accusatory or forceful to Ken, but simply believes that he should be given the chance to know what’s going on and help out if he so chooses, which becomes key to Miyako herself also choosing to accept Ken at the end of the episode.

Given that Mimi is portrayed as so open-minded towards trying all sorts of things, it’s probably no surprise that her “career” in Kizuna is so different from what we eventually know she’ll be doing in the epilogue -- instead of her cooking show, we see her running an online shopping business. After all, with her being so open-minded about wanting to do potentially anything, it’s very like her to "dabble” in a few different experimental things before (or perhaps “without”!) settling for something. What we know about this business is also quite on brand for her; her business specializes in “cute” (her preferred aesthetic, which she also shamelessly dresses in), and she’s established as setting up business all over the world to the point she has to constantly travel. Presumably, her natural charisma made it easy for her to set up connections.

Interestingly, her website profile also omits any discussion of any kind of university or other post-secondary education, implying that, unlike the others, she chose to dive directly into her career after high school. Again, it’s quite like her to find something she wanted to do and pursue it the moment it was in front of her -- no matter what it is, as long as it’s interesting.

Mimi’s largest amount of focus in regards to the movie is in To Sora, where she’s seen checking in on Sora after noticing she hasn’t been in the group chat in a while -- again, as someone constantly empathetic to how her friends are doing, it’s natural that she’s the one who catches on and decides she needs to check in. As someone who loves uplifting and supporting her friends first and foremost, she happens to be fully aware of what everyone’s currently up to (compare how Taichi had to be actively updated on Sora and Takeru’s status from Yamato in the movie proper), and also provides nothing but positive supportiveness to Sora’s troubles during their conversation -- as usual, always respectful and polite, and never condescending.

And, of course, she naturally empathizes with Sora having hesitation about fighting -- both because she’s been busy herself, but also because she, of course, understands exactly how it feels for fighting to be emotionally taxing -- and declares that she’ll support Sora with whatever she does, just like how she found her own path back in Adventure by choosing to contribute by bringing people together instead of fighting. She makes do on this promise as well, considering that she keeps up with supporting Sora during her exhibition.

By the time of the 02 epilogue, Mimi has decided to change tracks entirely and go for cooking, which, while being very different, is also very on-brand. This time, the part about “cooking” is something that comes from her family, since, after all, experimental cooking (...of some kind) was something Satoe got the whole family to embrace. The exact nature of her job is literally “culinary researcher”, which is a Japanese catch-all to refer to the sort of “food critic” who experiments with food and writes extensively (or, in this case, runs a TV show) about different ways you can enjoy and put together food, which also goes in mind with her streak of “open-mindedness”. The common point is, really, that everything Mimi does comes out of positivity, supportiveness, and love.

#digimon #digimon adventure #digimon adventure 02 #digimon adventure last evolution kizuna #tachikawa mimi #mimi tachikawa #kizuna spoilers #shihameta

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zirkkun · 4 years ago

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just before.

just before. (Undertale fanfic - based off of Wickedtale by @alch3mic - rated M by AO3 standards.)

+ soldier!sans x dancer!reader (they/them prns)

+ 4456 words, english

+ prologue to soldier’s story. first time he ever meets dancer.

+ cw: mentions of murder, classism, yandere/obsessive personality, abusive/controlling parents

+ “he hadn't heard that phrase in years. so constantly aware of the corruption plaguing the world... well, as it seemed, there was still one highlight to live to protect.”

+ AO3 link

Ebott City. The corrupted hell hole that was somehow above ground, while the actual hole the "monsters" came from had been far more palatable. At least, in one case. Many didn't have the same experience he did, but… whatever. That didn't really matter. He didn't really care about it anymore. Why dwell on the past? There's too much shit going on in the present to even have time for something like that.

Day-to-day life was flooded: constantly moving, constantly working, never slowing, never stopping. There's no time for that. The day he gets time to take off and sleep, get whatever medication he's sure he needs for his horrifically weak non-stomach, and lead a healthy and safe lifestyle while retaining his wealth? Ha. In dreams, maybe. This city wasn't kind enough for that. Though, maybe if his ambitions weren't so specific, he wouldn't have fallen into this path of endless work… but it's a little late for that.

His brother had made use of their skills the two of them had attained growing up, and with that opened a dance studio where others of all sorts could come through and learn how to dance. A small corner of peace in this awful world, that little building, where monsters and humans could both dance without feud, where rich and poor could both talk without judgement. Maybe it was ironic, maybe it was fate, or maybe it was straight coincidence that his brother had named the place "Enchanted Dancing." He knew that the name was merely in reference to the magic of their home where everyone had their own sort of dances they practiced, which they all soon found was very different from most other monsters who had battle magic specialties. But even still… heh, ah, it just further proved his point. The only decent place in the world was the Underground, before they ever surfaced.

A beep. 6:00 P.M. Work.

Or, rather, his second line of work.

While he'd abandoned his dance skills long ago, he never really fully disconnected with music as a whole. It's not like he really could when he doesn't have anything else to his life or history -- he doesn't know anything else. So, he made it a pastime to make his own musical works, trying to sell them online for money, but quickly found it's not exactly easy for people to find your work… let alone get them to pay for it when they do. He had run low on money fast -- so fast that he needed something quick and easy that he could do to not end up on the curb in a weeks' time.

He doesn't remember how he heard about it, or really what possessed him to go along with it anyway; but somewhere along the line, he'd caught word of some pretentious wealthy human furiously rattling off how their reputation would be "demolished" if the rumor that had begun about their business didn't come to a halt. How they would pay "insane amounts of money" to have that rumor "eradicated." You know, without really doing any work themself, or trying to better the work that they were doing, or fixing the root of their problem to begin with… Yes, because throwing money at the problem until it's pushed onto someone else is the better solution.

And yet… when someone comes up to you in your hour of despair, presenting to you an arguably invisible layer of protection in this world of work or die, something to get you out of the dark and stop the ticking clock of your otherwise inevitable doom…

It's not like he was going to turn down the offer.

He'd forged some sort of alias -- whatever it was at the time no longer mattered, since he'd had many over the half year or so he's been doing this -- and scribbled out a note of sorts explaining what was, at the time, a feigned, short "resume" for work as an information broker. The note was left with the pretentious prick, who did, in fact, end up contacting him in the end, offering more money than he thought he'd ever see in his waking life. Needless to say, he took the job… and found the issue to be so incredibly simple to resolve that even a child could have done it.

Well, no.

A child would have had more sense of morality.

... probably.

Who was he kidding here, honestly? He complains about the rich on a regular basis, their foolish waste of money, their apathy towards those that didn't have any money, just pure care for only money.

But here he was.

Morality erased.

Lives ruined.

Bank account overflowing.

Doing the same things they were doing.

The very least he could do -- and the very least he does do -- is support those whose music he'd wanted to support while he was on the edge of homelessness. Even some of his online friends, music composition friends, were consistently met with the cash they needed in a moment's notice. "Where did you even get this kind of money?" they would ask him. He would just jokingly say that an old witch blessed him with unending wealth, or something else to that extent of unbelievable ridiculousness.

But, unfortunately, not all of his money could go towards such good causes. While he did have far beyond the money to sustain multiple dozen families, at least a third of it was thrown right back into the exchange as he paid person after person for job after job he was unwilling to do.

There was no blood on his hands. No dust caked into his bones.

But it was splattered all over the money he handed out like trick-or-treat candy.

He'd met two others, notably, that did a lot of work alongside him. A crafty cat and a wily wolf… figuratively, of course. The three of them sharing the same first name, they merely tossed nicknames at each other. More often than he probably realized, they took much of his budget for work he was far too lazy to bother with. You know, scouring the dark web for information, stalking people to track their pathing… the occasional hit here and there. Sometimes, he would do it himself, but only if he really felt up to it… and frankly, he was never in the mood for murder. But that damn wolf was shockingly willing -- for the right paycheck.

He did recognize, however, the two of them did seem to have a mutual similarity that he, personally, did not share.

… he did not have anyone close to him. He didn't have anyone who looked after him, cared for him. It didn't bother him until recently, when apparently that damn wolf managed to lock the object of his affection into a relationship. Even the cat seemed bitter when he heard the news. Someone so fucked as him still manages to find someone?

… the world was just trying with his emotions at this point. Taunting happiness at the end of a pole taped to the back of his head, leaving it just out of reach, but always in his way and always in his line of sight.

Of course, he had his brother…

... who he doesn't talk to for weeks at a time…

... and he keeps turning down his offers to meet up again…

… yes, he had his brother. A strong emphasis on the "had."

He was alone. He knew that. But, at least for the case of his brother, he'd done it on purpose.

The last thing he wants is to have his brother, someone so passionate and pure, hands still clearly clean of sin; find out he has the richest humans of the city wrapped around his fingers out of both fear and dependability.

So, frankly, sometimes he found himself jealous of the other two. The other two who had someone to care for them.

He supposed the trio of them could sort of be friends…

He'd met the wolf a few times in person, both intentionally and not.

He'd bumped into the cat, wasted in a bar, more than once.

… No, they really weren't his friends. Co-workers is the best way he could probably describe them.

Yes, he was just jealous of them.

He was alone.

…

… Well, work isn't going to start itself. He pulled his phone back up to his face, clicking it on to see how long he'd zoned out for. 6:03 P.M. Not too terrible. He slammed shut his laptop, pushing back from his chair as he went to put on the outfit that had practically become his "uniform" at this point. A dark under layer of tight leggings and a fitted long-sleeve athletic tee with a zip-up turtleneck; a desaturated over layer of a baggy, now sleeveless hoodie and equally as baggy gym shorts. And, of course, a hat, as usual… but he wore those no matter the time of day.

His apartment door clicked shut behind him as he left, and once the door was locked, he evaporated into thin air.

-- only to appear, moments later, in front of one of the most lavish mansions in the richest part of Ebott City. It was so bleeding with "I'm such a rich, extra asshole" energy that it made his Soul twist with disgust. The walls were marble, shimmering from small lights below them to show off their sparkling, smooth surface. Each edge of the building was lined with gold-plated metal, even the rails to the stairway. Arching windows stood on either side of the front door, which was probably big enough for an average sized elephant to fit into with some extra ear room to boot.

Thank the stars he didn't have to go inside again. He already knew what his job was for the night, and to be back inside that disgustingly overdone building these pretentious humans called "home"... Just thinking about it made him feel beyond insulted.

He took another shortcut -- this time, finding himself on the rooftop. Although the sun had not yet fully set, even so, it was still much darker here than standing in front of the artificially-lit trophy they called a front entrance. He popped open his phone again. 6:05 P.M.

Unlocking it completely, he pulled up a message from the cat he'd gotten this morning.

morning soldier~ i managed to get done what you needed me to for today last night. which, you owe me BIG-TIME for, mister.

i was up until 4 am doing this!!

Soldier checked the timestamp. Yesterday, 11:34 P.M. Does that cat think he's an idiot? Whatever, it's not like this was the important part of the message. But, if anything, he's getting docked pay for really bad lying. It's not like the guy needs more alcohol money, anyway.

here's a list compiled of all the parties in ebott tonight. i only looked for ones starting after 6 pm like you asked, but there was still far too many… the list is very long (Ｔ▽Ｔ)

[file download link]

i hope you're happy!!! cause im not looking any more than that!!!!! ☆⌒(> _ <)

He downloaded the file to his phone, browsing through it to see what parties had been collected into the spreadsheet. He only could assume that's what was bringing them out, at the very least.

Oh, yes, his job for the evening. That's integral information, I suppose.

The mansion whose roof he sat upon currently was owned by a human family with the surname King. They had twelve children, all adopted, but were all also kept on very rigorous and strict schedules. The eldest of the children very recently had been caught sneaking out of the house every evening by one of their siblings, and sleeping noticeably late in the morning, their final semester of university was suffering from this all as they refused to finish their thesis. So, naturally as it is for all the rich, they threw their money at the problem hoping that would fix it.

Today's "that" was the skeleton monster sitting on their roof, waiting to see when someone would eventually leave the house.

With a hefty sum of money, upfront payment, as usual; Soldier was told to follow their child for three nights, and to report back after that time with what they had been up to. Seemed easy enough. Of all the jobs he'd gotten, tailing someone for a few days and tracking their every move was probably the easiest he's ever had the misfortune of doing.

He continued to scroll through the list. He had been given absolutely nothing to work with from the Kigngs as to where their kid was headed or when they tended to leave the house, or any information of actual use; so he was going into the job without a clue as to what he was really looking for. It was probably the most difficult aspect of the job -- hence why he outsourced the bulk of it. As for the "where," parties seemed like a reasonable assumption to make for a human college student. That's a rather common stereotype of sorts, college students getting drunk at party after party, is it not? Better than nothing, he supposed. Nothing else really came to mind anyway, but that doesn't mean there wasn't another option. Even still, it's a better start than nothing.

Now he had to just wait for the "when." He had the list in front of him, hoping he could deduce when the human would leave their house… but the more he read it over, the more bored he got. Guess the cat wasted his time. Oh well. That's not Soldier's problem.

Just as he locked his screen shut, planning to come down from the roof and investigate any exits that might be hidden to most of the house, he heard an absurdly loud sound he initially thought was a gunshot, followed by a raspy huff of various curses. Peering over the edge of the rooftop, after shortcutting there silently to avoid making attention towards himself; he noticed there was, in fact, no gunshot, but rather, an awfully messy and junky trap door of sorts, seemingly made of plywood. A human, who he assumed was the one who swore earlier, grabbed a bush that had been sitting next to it, picking it up like it was nothing and placing it over the door. It was in line with several other, similar bushes. The human dusted off their hands before walking, keeping a close eye on the mansion walls to their side.

Well, looks like he's found who he's supposed to tail.

He kept watch over them for as long as his eyes could follow, and then, the moment they left his vision, he shortcutted to where they had been moments ago, though slightly distanced as to be hidden nearby; and simply repeated the process. Soldier knew this part of the city better than the back of his hand, so he knew where he was at all times, as well, making shortcutting silently even easier.

… However, what he didn't understand was where the hell this human was headed. A few times he tried clicking on his phone, scrolling through the list again, but they weren't headed in any direction towards any party. And even when they started heading in the direction of one… they would end up taking a "wrong" turn and dodging it completely.

…

… this was taking a really long time…

It's… almost been an hour by now. Soldier's starting to recognize this area a little less. He knew the map layout, but not all of the details about where they were or what was distinctly different about each street. They were outside of the rich part of town, but not quite in the poorer side that he was used to, either. If he was remembering correctly, this was in the direction of downtown. Unless this human's planning on breaking into some probably-already-crashed college dorm party for the night, they definitely weren't planning to party at all. Okay, well, that throws that plan out the window.

But now he had no idea what to expect. Were they banned from getting help, so they're actively seeking it out? Unlikely. Were they secretly addicted to drugs? Unless it was alcohol, getting away with drug smuggling in downtown was a horrific, nearly impossible idea. Did they have a significant other that their family wouldn't let them see? Well… he had no idea. Thoughts and questions and possibilities kept cycling in and out, but he never lost sight of where they were going.

And, sure enough, the bright downtown lights descended upon them as they started making their way across the long bridge leading to the most eventful point of the city. Due to the sheer length of the bridge, and the fact that Soldier was not as well-versed in the map of the downtown Ebott area… he resorted to traditional stalking, mimicking their every step as casually and nonchalantly as possible, as though to avoid being spotted.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket. One new message.

weeeeell? was my work useful? >:3c

He merely huffed half a laugh before typing out his response.

i didnt use it at all

what?! Σ(･口･) soldier, i went through all that hard work, and you didn't even LOOK at it???

i looked at it

i didnt use it

...you're at least still paying me, right?

you are the WORST 凸(｀△´＋）

i'm never doing anything for you again >:(

you dont need the alcohol money anyway

But the cat never responded to that one. Well, Soldier's never been the best at landing most jokes, despite his tendency to make them. Clearly sarcasm wasn't his strong point either. Whatever. He'd pay him later.

He put his phone back in his pocket, putting his attention back to his job as the bridge finally began to end. If the human was suspicious of his following them, they showed no signs of it. Good. Frankly, being silent by stalking someone in this manner isn't his strong suit. He had assumed they would have stayed nearby… not gone to the other side of the city.

The sun had set, but even still, downtown was overwhelmed with artificial lighting, and frankly, it was already giving Soldier a headache and he hadn't even been here for more than 10 minutes. Curse his ridiculously weak and sensitive body.

The human kept walking along, though their pace was beginning to hasten as they flickered their gaze between stepping and a phone screen. Naturally, he also quickened his footing, although unsure as to why. Maybe they were running late for something?

They took a sharp left into a shady alleyway; Soldier shortcut to its entrance, spotting them sprinting down it as fast as they could before eventually climbing up a wooden fence at the end, reaching its peak and jumping over it with ease. Like they'd done this many times before. Soldier, confused, checked the name of the buildings on either side of the alleyway… but neither were significant. One was even an apartment building of sorts, but it looked abandoned at best. Well, might as well continue.

Reaching the end of the alley and pushing himself over the fence with magic to avoid making as much sound as possible, Soldier's feet landed on the concrete of the other side. It was surprisingly… clean. As if someone kept it nice regularly. He went to take a step forward when he heard chattering, and instead, tucked himself behind the smallest edge of the nearby wall, barely peering over its edge to see the rest of the area.

It was like a very small park. Perhaps a courtyard? But it was too barren for that. Well, all except the trees. There were four skinny trunks sprouted from the ground, all of different kinds, and probably no more than two and a half meters tall. Around them was a square-shaped sidewalk of the same concrete he was standing on.

But, at that center of the trees, were two humans, not one. He recognized the one he'd been following up until this point -- vaguely, and mostly just from the color of their clothing -- but the other was new.

"I'm sorry I'm late, I was held up worrying I was going to get caught…" the human he'd followed spoke. "My dad apparently hired someone to follow me for a few days. One of my sisters told me… she apparently ratted me out -- she was forced to -- and now my dad's on a manhunt to find out what I'm doing."

"Yikes," the other person responded. They had a higher pitched voice, but a lower tone of interest. "Sorry to hear about it. You didn't need to come racing here to tell me that, you know. You could have stayed home and texted me to move the lesson."

Lesson?

"No, it's fine. I came because I wanted to. It probably would have been better if I waited… but I was too excited about tonight," the human explained. "It's the first time we're practicing the whole dance routine straight through. I've been practicing on my own some other nights, too."

… dance routine?

The other human let go of a heavy laugh. "You've really been practicing for two weeks straight with no other dance party breaks?"

"I said on some other nights!"

The both of them laughed.

But Soldier was stuck on "dance routine."

A phrase he typically only heard from his brother anymore, and he barely talked to him as is.

A phrase he'd never said himself in… so long.

An act he hasn't tried since they were still trapped Underground…

An act that, even back then, he'd sworn off doing after so many years of it.

It's like he'd been punched directly in the Soul. Possibly even with a knife.

"Well, are you ready to start, then?"

Soldier's attention peered back to the two humans.

"Yup, whenever you are!"

There was a brief period of silence.

Then the music started. He didn't recognize it at first…

But the realization that it was his own piece hit him in the face like a truck. Some sort of shivering heat rushed through his body. … embarrassment? ...maybe? He… wasn't sure.

But even still…

He soon became entranced by their dancing.

Only the human he had been following was dancing the routine. Every step timed perfectly to every beat and measure… so meticulously performed with such dedication. But then, some old part of him started to creep back from where it had been shoved away, as he started judging the technique of their every move. Sure, they had a… beautiful dedication to every step they took… but much of it was wrong. Though, they were not missteps. Everything planned was executed with confident perfection. The moves themselves were wrong. Some of them didn't match the tone of the piece at all, and it was clear that they were self-taught, just based on how they were moving in between each one. He wasn't mad, no… no, rather… he was utterly fascinated.

Soldier stood and watched the whole routine, start to finish. Though, he couldn't help but have a yelp from his own Soul every time they did something his own memory was screeching to be incorrect. It was yelping because… he wanted to correct them. He wanted to walk up to them, tell them what was wrong with their choices, and point them in the right direction. He wanted to… take them by the hand, directing their movements through his, teaching them how to dance the way he was taught. He… couldn't stop staring…

A scream. Soldier shortcut in a panic. He was now on the opposite side of the wooden fence, back in they alleyway.

"What, what is it?" The voice of the second human.

"I… I thought I saw someone." A breathy, horrified tone from the dancer. "I thought someone was watching me but… th-then I blinked and… they were gone."

The second human huffed angrily. "You haven't been getting proper sleep lately, have you? Maybe you should go home and rest."

Still breathing heavily, the dancer hummed a sound of malcontent. "I… Can I finish the routine first?"

"Really, now…" But with a sigh, the second human allowed them to start again from the beginning.

Meanwhile, Soldier…

He was doing his best not to scream on his own. So many emotions overwhelmed him entirely. Most of which he could not identify. But one thing would not stop looping in his mind. One thing other than a raging beat echoing in his skull from the sound of his own Soul racing, that was. In fact, that only heightened.

The thought of taking their hand. Teaching them to dance.

The overwhelming feeling of hearing someone else not just listening to his work… but expanding upon it. Being able to express themself through it. Being able to see themself through him.

The raging passion burning deep inside of him, regretting his forgone dancing career. It ate at his Soul, bit by bit. Begging his laziness to cave for them and them alone.

The fact that all of these thoughts happened in the very same millisecond that he made eye contact with them… he felt unexplainably and weirdly hot.

That eye contact. Their eyes, their face. They were almost as beautiful as the dances they performed… no… perhaps even more so.

Another loud beat echoed in his skull. The song was reaching its end. He knew he needed to start going home before he was caught.

But part of him wanted to be caught.

Part of him wanted to catch them.

… And all of him wanted to see them dancing… just one more time. Once more, that's all he asks.

Just one more time.

Maybe… maybe that will suffice.

Maybe that will drive away the fortissimo thoughts clouding his sense of reality. Maybe he'll be able to go back to…

A thought. A separate one, remembered from earlier this same evening.

"Alone."

He was… alone.

…

Did he really want to go down the same paths as…?

No, not really.

But it seemed his Soul was not giving him much other option. The mere thought of never being able to label himself as lonely… and if it was because of someone as beautiful as them…

Well. He already was a hypocrite, chanting against a society he partook in regularly. What other damage could be done by reaffirming what he already knew?

Besides. His Soul was desperate.

He wanted that dancer for his own.

No… no, this was most certainly a need.

#undertale #undertale au #soldier!sans #dancetale sans #wickedtale #undertale fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #undertale fanfiction #yandere tw//#zircon writes #zircon arts #i am too tired for this #but i could not sleep #so instead i am posting this #ive had it done for a while #but the drawings been sitting half finished for a while lol

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sassycassie-s-writing · 3 years ago

Text

Hold My Phone

By: SassyShoulderAngel319

Fandom/Character(s): A Court of Thorns and Roses Series/Rhysand

Rating: PG-11/T- (v seductive flirting)

Original Idea: Modern!AU (kinda sorta not really)

Notes: (Masterlist)(By Character)(About Me) This one is so ridiculous. It’s basically a “Everything is Pretty Much the Same but They Have Phones” AU, not really a modern AU because I figured this would be how Rhys would handle having a phone with the High Lord act, lol

^^^^^

My phone buzzed in my pocket. In a meeting with some Autumn Court emissaries. I’m bored. Entertain me? Rhys’ text said.

Why are you texting me? Just use the mating bond, I texted back.

Yeah but I want these idiots to *know* that I’m bored of them and can’t be bothered to give them my attention.

Playing games with them?

Always.

Exactly how do you propose I entertain you?

It took his answer a few minutes to arrive. I wondered if it was because he was thinking about the wickedest, most flirtatious thing to say or something came up in the meeting that he did actually have to give his attention to.

What are you wearing right now? I shouldn’t have been surprised that was his reply.

My purple outfit. The dark purple one with the stars embroidered into it.

I’m debating asking you to send me a picture of you in it or asking you to take it off and send me a picture of *that*

I am not sending you any pictures while you’re in a meeting. I hadn’t replied to a text that quickly in a while.

His reply came quickly too, Send it down the mating bond then. No records ;)

I rolled my eyes and got to my feet. Up in our room, I stood in front of the full-length mirror, stared at myself while lowering my mental shield, shot the image I was looking at—fully clothed—down the bond, and then slammed my shields back into place.

It took seconds for an answering image of Rhys licking his lips with a feral gleam in his eyes to bump into my shield. I rolled my eyes. My phone buzzed. Delicious. As always, darling.

Happy?

Deliriously.

Go back to your meeting, you flirt. I’ll see you later.

But I’m still bored.

Don’t be a baby. I have a meeting in 30 minutes I have to get ready for with the governor of the Palace of Threads and Jewels.

What are you meeting with the governor for?

I don’t think it’s any big deal. Probably just going over some requests from patrons who have gathered together a bunch of things rather than hauling themselves up 10,000 stairs to the House.

Good luck.

You too. I set my phone down on my vanity. I hated getting rid of the loose pants and sleeves but I knew for a meeting like this that I’d need a gown.

I sent Rhys mental images of every gown I tried on before selecting one, and every hairstyle I thought of doing, asking his opinion and ultimately ignoring it when he seductively told me he liked the most revealing dress with my hair unbound. I definitely called him a name I had no plans on apologizing for before replacing my shields.

I ended up going with a modest midnight blue gown glittering with silver threads that would be appropriately formal, but not so formal it felt like an occasion. Instead of a tiara or crown or diadem I kept my hair out of my face with a comb that was made of black metal and studded with diamond dust to look like the night sky. Crescent moon-shaped sapphire taking up most of the space in the middle.

Nuala and Cerridwen approved of my choices and I shooed myself out to go see the governor.

—

I collapsed on the bed after leaving my dress abandoned on the floor. The meeting was exactly what I thought it would be and after all the requests I was tired. I genuinely cared about my people but putting forth the mental strain of trying to figure out how to fix so many problems at once I started having to pretend to be chipper.

I hadn’t realized I dozed off until a weight falling onto the bed beside me woke me up.

Rhys fell in such a way that he could sprawl his wings above me, taking up a good portion of the bed. He was in casual clothing—silver-buttoned black shirt with the top button undone to let his tattoos peek out, black pants, low black boots—but I knew him better than to think he’d gone to the meeting in them. As he fell, he sighed. “That was tedious,” he remarked, setting a hand on the top of my head and scratching my hair. His fingers brushed my comb and he stopped.

“Tell me about it,” I grumbled.

He sat up to lean over me. He gave me a long, slow kiss as he removed the comb from my hair. “You didn’t wear the dress I chose,” he teased.

“I asked your opinion, not to choose for me,” I countered. “Besides, I doubt you’d even want another male to look at me in a dress like that.”

“Fair enough,” he conceded playfully. He kissed the hollow behind my ear. “You can model it for me later.”

“Flirt,” I accused.

“Spoilsport,” he retorted.

His phone started ringing in his pocket. I recognized the personalized tone. He only personalized a few. Azriel’s, Cassian’s, Mor’s, Amren’s, and mine.

Heaving another sigh, he extracted the phone from his pocket. “What do you want, Cassian?” There was no bite at all to the words, just resigned fatigue. He listened to words I couldn’t quite make out as he fidgeted with my comb in his other hand. He rolled his eyes. “That can wait. I’ll squeeze it in tomorrow, okay?”

More babbling from Cassian’s end of the call. I thought I caught snatches of Azriel’s voice too.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ll deal with it tomorrow. Bye.” He hung up, but I could still hear them talking as he ended the call. “Can never get one hour of peace with those two,” he muttered, silencing his phone.

He tossed it somewhere behind him and I heard it thunk on the rug.

“For tonight, darling, I have some much more entertaining events scheduled.” He bent over me and pressed another kiss to my lips. I kissed him back enthusiastically, reaching up to brush my fingers into his hair. He relaxed slightly, the weight of his head growing against mine as his neck tension softened.

“Let me silence my phone,” I said.

He waved a hand vaguely over his shoulder. “Done,” he said.

I smiled. “Bath before or after?”

“Hmm… after.”

“Fine with me.”

—

Both of our phones vibrating wildly on the end tables of our bed woke us the next morning. I jolted so hard I bonked my head on Rhys’ wing bone where he’d draped it over me as we slept, as he often did.

I reached out for my phone. There was no caller ID and the combination wasn’t one I recognized. That happened all the time. I answered anyway, assuming it was a matter of state, as usual. “Hello?”

“High Lady?” The voice was small and trembling. Not young, but frightened.

“Yes?”

“There’s something in the harbor.”

Before I could ask for more details, the caller hung up.

Rhys answered his phone much more lazily than I had. “This is Rhys,” he said. He never used his full given name to answer the phone. High Lord Tamlin, his enemy, could be calling and he’d still use Rhys.

He bolted up in bed so abruptly, his wing bone hit me in the back of the head. Thankfully the talon missed me. We both winced at the pain as he mouthed, Sorry, and leapt out of bed to get dressed. I figured I’d probably need to go investigate the harbor so I got up too and found a pair of pants, shirt, and overcoat. Socks and boots followed before I wound my hair into a bun so I wouldn’t have to braid it yet.

Rhys hung up. “Was your call about the harbor too?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I replied. “Though, whoever it was didn’t say much.”

“Same here. Ready?”

I put the same comb I’d been wearing the day before into the top of my bun so I had some sort of ornamentation on. “Ready.”

He grabbed me around the shoulders and winnowed us out of the house.

We reappeared on the docks.

A dark shape was moving around under the surface of the water. I grabbed the railing and peered over it. “Too fluid to be a whale,” I said, noticing a small gathered crowd taking pictures on their phones, some recording videos.

Rhys’ hand settled on top of mine. It’s moving like a serpent, he said down our bond.

My grip on the railing halted. A serpent? Now? Like—like a sea serpent?

He didn’t reply. His dark eyes following where the head’s shape appeared to be.

“Hold onto this for me,” he said, pulling out his phone and holding it out. I took it out of habit, barely noticing his wings extending.

“Wait—Rhys—don’t—!” Too late. He used a powerful launch from his wings to get him over the railing before plunging into the water. As he dropped, I saw his clothes change from the casual dark shirt and pants to his fighting leathers. I wasn’t even sure any of the faeries around us noticed the change. A few of them yelped as his splash sprayed into the air.

I clung to the railing, staring into the depths.

“Rhysand…” I complained. “Stop being so reckless.”

I heard that, he teased.

I meant for you to, I retorted.

Wanna see?

I’m holding your phone. I’m not getting in that water.

You know that’s not what I meant.

I sent the sound of my sigh down the bond and felt his chuckle in return. Fine.

A crack opened in his mental shield. I slid into it, keeping a tether to get me out whenever I wanted if I got freaked out. My eyes glazed over as I started looking through his.

The harbor water was relatively clear, but a bit blurry. I—no, Rhys—flexed his magic to clear up his vision. My—his—hair drifted in front of his eyes a bit.

A large, deep red sea serpent twined around ahead, barely visible through the murk. Large fins were tucked against its sides.

Wings? I asked Rhys.

Yes. For jumping out of the water and snatching sailors from their ships. Among other things, he replied. They usually dwell in the depths. Wonder what it’s doing here.

I didn’t reply as he swam closer. Inside his mind, I could feel him dismiss his wings to reduce drag. Feel the strength in his shoulders as he stroked forward. In his mind, I had no private thoughts, so I knew he felt my anxiety. My fear for his safety. I felt him send a wave of calm through himself. He wasn’t nervous at all—for whatever reason.

The serpent caught sight of him. My breath hitched, but Rhys didn’t even flinch. Gold eyes bored into him, fangs revealed in something of a snarl.

Sorry, love, Rhys thought, I need to speak to it mind to mind, and don’t want you here for it. Too hard to concentrate on two minds at once.

Fine with me, I replied.

He shoved me out of his mind.

I shook my head, blinking, as my consciousness returned to my own body. My hands were so tight on the railing that my knuckles were white.

Something tugged on my tunic. I turned.

A small faerie child with violet skin and long silver hair was standing beside me, looking up at me. “Are you alright, High Lady?” Innocence and genuine concern were in its voice. I knelt to be on the same eye level as the child, my hands resting on the phone in either of my pants pockets.

“Yes. Yes, I’m alright. Just concerned for Rhys.”

The child looked into the harbor. “Mama says the High Lord is very powerful. He’ll be okay.”

I smiled at the child. “Yes. Yes he will.” I reached into the pocket of my tunic, pulling out one of the small candies I kept in there for when children stopped to talk to me—and Rhys usually. I offered it to the child. Everyone in Velaris knew their High Lord and Lady kept candy for children on them, so the child accepted without hesitation. They took off the wax paper wrapper and stuck the candy in their mouth before running back to their parents.

Rhys appeared on the dock behind me, dripping wet. “What’d I miss?” he asked.

I jumped to my feet and whirled around. “You okay?”

“Fine. I convinced it to leave.” He nodded toward the dark shape slithering out of the harbor now. “It was actually lost, I think. I managed to give it directions.”

I chuckled. “Never a boring day in Velaris.”

He joined my chuckle. “Not at all. Cassian’s gonna get a kick—” He swore. “I forgot. Cassian needed my help. You still have my phone?”

As I pulled it out of my pocket, he waved a hand to dry off.

He plunked in Cassian’s combination. “Hey, it’s me. I’m on my way.” He reached out a hand for me. I took it. Dark wind whipped around us as we winnowed away.

#Rhysand #Rhysand Imagine #Rhysand FanFiction #ACOTAR #ACOTAR Imagine #ACOTAR FanFiction #Hold My Phone

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halothenthehorns · 3 years ago

Text

All in the Family

Chapter 127: Out of the Fire

At first James thought the concussive, ear-splitting shrieking noise was coming from him. He knew he wanted to scream, but the air felt lodged in his throat now, because he couldn't see Sirius! Had he been vanished into an unknown abyss for dying in this future!?

They were in a very dark room and something massive was moving about, a sunset was forcing painful light into their eyes from cracks around the edges of heavy curtains only illuminating movement but no distinct shape. The rank smell of several unidentifiable things left him gasping and wheezing and he just kept flailing madly around, he wouldn't stop until he found him!

Something painfully tight latched onto his neck and forced him to bend over double, he shrieked in fury, trying to pull away and blindly going for his wand, but he couldn't find it! He must have dropped it when he landed-

"Prongs, stop, moving," Remus hissed in his ear with more stress than he ever would have believed him capable of, hand probably white-knuckled on his neck, he was holding so tight and suffocating him a bit, but it was obvious Moony didn't dare let up.

Heart still thudding, the maddening scene of Voldemort murdering his brother slowly ebbed from his eyes to really take in their surroundings.

Buckbeak finally began to calm now that all racket had deceased, but he was still clicking his beak in fury even as all of them edged as far away as they could bent double. He was standing much taller than usual, and James's eyes finally adjusted to see him perched on a bed. There was fresh hay and sawdust all around, plus a bag of dead rats sitting where the pillows should, leaning against a wooden frame like a mock bag of feed. There were deep scratches in the posts, ruining whatever design had once been inlaid, like Buckbeak often rubbed his sharp beak against it. The real problem of why he didn't go back to his meal came apparent when they saw all the blood around him wasn't from his food, but a deep cut in his front leg.

Sirius finally came into view, and James breathed in relief and tried to move towards him, but Remus kept him in the forced bow with bruising force as Padfoot began gently, "hey there buddy, wow that looks like a problem. I bet it hurts, how'd you manage that huh? Come here Buckbeak, come on, I promise I'll summon up whatever your favorite is if you let me have a look."

Maybe it was the gentle tone, maybe it was the familiarity of the person even if he was several years younger, in Remus's opinion it was just Sirius's innate ability to soothe anyone if he wanted to with that natural charisma when he unleashed it and nobody could resist. Regardless, Buckbeak finally folded his wings and made a pitiful cooing noise as he nudged his head against his shoulder and shuffled forward on three legs while Sirius kept up his inane chatter and carefully climbed up beside him, never moving to fast.

There were already some bandages and cotton balls waiting open and ready at the foot of the king sized bed, Sirius ruddy hoped someone was up here helping the poor thing out. He could now only wish it was himself though, it would be the most useful thing he'd ever done in his life at this point instead of- nope! He was doing it now, taking every care to keep chatting with the hippogriff as he cleaned the wound and wrapped it up tight. He didn't dare draw his wand to try anything else, these beasts were notoriously shy about magic in their presence.

The others began cautiously rising back to normal, and Buckbeak allowed it as Sirius began hand-feeding him from the bag of rats. His tail was still thrashing, binocular vision able to track everything on both sides of his head, but he remained at Sirius's side standing on the bed rather than trying to chase them off, which would do no good, he'd already seen Evans try the door out of the corner of his eye.

James tried edging forward, but Buckbeak spat a dead rat in his face, tearing up his bedding with his good claw as he heavily pawed the ground. Sirius reached up and pat his beak while catching James's eye with the most comforting smile he could offer. "Relax Prongs," his tone was still more honeyed than it had ever been speaking to his best mate, he usually reserved such a thing for teachers he was trying to flatter out of detention. It never worked on anyone but this hippogriff before. "I'm, I'm fine-"

He couldn't keep lying, his voice shook and his fingers began to tremble and the restless animal easily sensed his distress and began ruffling his feathers in unease. Sirius quieted himself and began running his hand along the gray feathers now, stopping to scratch in between the shoulder blades and the back of the neck, those hard-to-reach places that had him almost cooing with content and finally relaxing into him.

No, he was not fine. Of all the trouble he'd ever caused his friends, this was by far the most grievous one yet, now with Harry added to the mix! His godson, his poor godson forced to see this, live Voldemort's pleasure of murdering him! All because he couldn't do one stupid thing right and suck it up in this house. Perhaps he should take a page out of Wormtail's book and start distancing himself from them, give them all a break from his never ending catastrophes!

They watched in distress as Sirius worked himself up to a silent storm, he was clearly making the animal ill at ease as well no matter the affection given, so when Smith grabbed the book up off the ground and began reading, both startled badly yet again. Buckbeak threw his wings to their full extent and shrieked at her while Sirius flinched and had no time to duck, earning the retaliation of being thrown into the heavy curtains and sent them all on top of him, throwing the rest of the room into sharp relief.

Out of the Fire, into the frying pan, Remus finished in his head as he and James rushed forward to help untangle him while the powerful horse legs kicked wildly at the wall, sending a splintering noise in the very foundation while the bellowing shrieks began again.

Alice dropped the book and immediately bowed in apology, mildly appeasing the hippogriff enough he didn't lunge off the bed to attack her at least. He still didn't seem able to settle though, making a keening noise of longing and clicking his beak as he began pacing restlessly on the bed.

It was the most splendid thing in here. The midnight walls had silvery threads in the design up to the ceiling like veins that seemed to seep right down to the canopy that was torn to shreds, but the grandeur ended there. Regulus had only been in here once to even know such a thing was in his parents' room, otherwise it was unrecognizable as all of their things had vanished. They were forbidden from entering, but obviously that hadn't stopped Sirius's purge of the house, which of course made perfect sense why Sirius had put his ruddy pet up here.

His brother smiled, just a bit when his mates got him back on his feet and he realized the same of his own destruction. Regulus longed to throw at him it was doing shit like this why he brought so much of his own troubles on himself, he'd never really tried to make peace with mum and dad. Instead he seemed to go out of his way to do things they dislike just to complain that they hated him.

Regulus cringed at the idea of going back and attempting the same. He'd never be so blatant and in their face at it as his brother, but he didn't much like the idea of them shouting at him the way they did Sirius if he told them he had other plans for his life. He still longed for some kind of peaceful balance.

Potter and Lupin both seemed reluctant to let him back out of arm's length, but the creature refused to settle until Sirius got back on the bed with him and snapped dangerously at anyone who tried to join him. Sirius offered him another rodent carcass and waited until he'd gnashed away at it before nodding back at Smith with that calm aloof air once more he was so familiar with, it was impossible to tell what he was really thinking when he shut down like that, just how they were raised. Mother may actually be proud of him at that moment.

Now his idiot brother was going to die because he'd been in this house too long and refused to listen to anyone, but at least he'd have someone around to notice like Harry and Lupin. The shock of it all felt like an insulting blow to his world view. Sirius was going to be murdered for doing the opposite of what he'd done, was there really no right answer?

She began again in an attempt at a soothing tone like his, and though the bird head was tossed in agitation, he didn't throw his companion aside again but allowed the noise as it did him no harm and her voice was very soft, with fear. She read with dread of poor Harry's panic as he tore off for the Hospital Wing for McGonagall, who wasn't there. She'd been transferred to St. Mungo's.

Harry only had Snape to turn to for help, and that idea didn't seem to be occurring to him as his friends caught up and he had to explain the whole maddening concept to them.

Regulus listened with pity for Harry having to live through this, but something else was ebbing to the surface as he watched the Potter in here. Envy. Sirius kept looking to him, offering him that carefree smile as he kept patting at the beast and even winking at Lupin like this was some joke, making silly faces and even starting to hum a tune under his breath as he continued scratching at the animal, and when he wasn't doing that he was just the haughty Black heir. For all anyone could tell his godson was out having a picnic with him. It was a very good farce a lesser person would have fallen for.

Sirius didn't even look at him. Not to gloat this was the proper way to go against the Dark Lord, not to sneer and mock him for being up in this room he shouldn't be or even to have a laugh about it. He'd known for a very long time now James Potter was his brother's equal in a way he never could be, but this hadn't felt quite so insulting until this very moment where he clearly wasn't even going to be a passing blip as his brother was probably over there pondering what his last thoughts would be.

Frank had his hands on Alice's waist as she read, holding her close as her voice trembled for Harry's pain. They didn't even know Sirius, not really, they felt they had a better understanding of the man he'd become through Harry than the teenager who seemed so determined to ignore the proceedings.

Their aching sympathy though didn't dim their downright confusion at the circumstances. He caught Lily's eyes and saw the same confused expression as she watched him, Hermione's pertinent questions that had no effect on Harry had the three of them very worried something about this wasn't feeling right.

Sirius shouldn't have been leaving this home for this plan to be possible, but this was the same man who'd broken out of Azkaban, that part wasn't so unbelievable no matter who told him what. Why would You-Know-Who need him to get this weapon though? That was a very stumping question, and one they hoped they weren't privy to. If Harry dipped back into the other's mind and heard, the answer would give no relief to these transgressions.

Ron's answer was, plausible, but one look at Regulus didn't make it hold much weight. He'd been killed very soon after his entrance, it seemed laughable he'd even been in You-Know-Who's presence, let alone had some key of knowledge.

Ginny and Luna arriving stopped the impending argument, Harry was so desperate with anger by now that it was a miracle a plan was agreed by all to use Umbridge's fireplace to check this out.

The only one he spoke to for his troubles was Kreacher, laughing about the entire painful situation. Sirius really wasn't there, and now they may get a live version of hearing the great and mighty Black turn out like them if he was tortured while Harry was forced to watch. Neville now being in the very room with them nearly made reality splinter before their eyes.

Lily finally dragged her eyes off of James Potter's white face and buried her own away in her hands so she didn't have to see his reaction when Harry finally remembered Severus Snape was a member of the Order. She didn't even believe anymore he would have helped Harry, she didn't believe much of anything anymore. Here she was, nearly crying in sorrow for these two and only able to imagine her poor son losing someone again, and hating her best friend, what on Earth was this future? How could it be possible something like this could exist?

Something in her sparked traitorously as she looked back up when she heard him lying to Umbridge. Veritaserum was far from the only truth serum, and for him to pretend he wouldn't have any others was laughable. She turned mechanically back to Potter to see his silent screaming was still in full blast, but his wand was in Lupin's hand and he didn't even seem to care. Even the simple fact that he hadn't a reaction for Severus and only had eyes for his best friend felt right to her. If he'd gone about insulting him now, at a time like this, she'd know he was heartless. Instead she was now reasonably confident, almost hopeful again that Severus really was still in the Order for Dumbledore's secret reason rather than any plot of You-Know-Who's. Sev had no reason to lie to Umbridge and help Sirius anymore than he would Harry, but that's exactly what he was doing.

Harry seemed to miss this revelation, he watched his potions teacher go with the purest loathing once more, and she couldn't blame him, after everything Snape had done to her boy. She wrapped her arms around herself as if torn in two. Was this just another false wish then? She still wanted to see in him that childhood friend? It didn't excuse what he'd called her, but maybe if he really saved Sirius Black's life it would show he wanted to change...

Alice nearly shrieked and wanted to throw the book away from herself when Umbridge's next solution was to use the torture curse on Harry. Buckbeak was still no calmer in the heavy environment and glowered at her, but Sirius was quick to keep his attention, a murmuring promise of more spoils for him as soon as he could. He was starting to lose his composure though, they could all see the cracks now. He wasn't even looking at his best mate anymore, his fingers were trembling in the soft texture and his hair was covering most of his face.

The two had once been each other's salvation in escaping Hogwarts, Sirius fought the mad desire to try so now. Throw open that window and ride off into the sunset on the back of the hippogriff, maybe animals could come and go from this nightmare.

He knew he couldn't though, he felt like a coward for even thinking it. His friends might be better off without him, but damn it all, even Hermione was coming up with quite the story to Umbridge's face and got Harry out of that situation, the three of them heading off to the Forbidden Forest! If that girl, who hadn't even wanted to help him moments ago, thinking Harry was having some nightmare, could manage that, he'd suck it up and be there for them any way they wanted him.

#Harry Potter #fanfiction #reading the books #OotP #Marauders #Wolfstar #Jilly #James Potter #Remus Lupin #Sirius Black #Regulus Black #Peter Pettigrew #Frank Longbottom #Alice Smith #Lily Evans

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grantcontrol · 4 years ago

Text

Heartless, Swarmless ◈ Anton ⁺ Eilidh

Timing: Some time last week Location: White Crest National Park Parties: @braindeacl & @grantcontrol Summary: Anton and Eilidh meet for the first time and end up going on a trip because of some overgrown spiders. Now they know how a hairball feels. Content: Insect, spiders, vomit (not theirs), a lot of cursing

“This better not be one of those prank calls.” With an annoyed groan and a mildly disinterested sigh, Anton begrudgingly parked the white van with his company’s name in bold letters on its side into the otherwise empty designated parking space of the White Crest National Park. He faintly remembered his late grandfather taking him to this place when he was just a tiny tot, though for the life of him, he could no longer recall anything else about that visit. Park’s big, that about sums up all he knows of the place now.

Bug Busters Pest Control Solutions received the call while he was about to Netflix and chill, and while their so-called employer insisted on staying anonymous on the other end of the line, the Girl verified that whoever they were, they had already paid in full. Online. Anton wasn’t too savvy about how that whole thing worked but he trusts the Girl in these matters. Why would she lie? She was getting her pay from the same account, and as much as she doesn’t respect him, at least not on the surface, she can’t deny that they both need the money. Besides, he had already seen the same zombie movie at least three times.

Dragging himself out of the vehicle, he took his time making his way to the back of it where his tools waited for him. Most of it was standard exterminator gear. The rest? Just a few contingencies from his less public career as a pest hunter. Also a jar of peanut butter, but that’s not for him. “Where do I even fucking start?” He wasn’t even inside the park yet when he started complaining. Overgrown spiders. That’s what the caller said they were. The size of a dog? Anton already knew what they actually were. His late grandfather hated the damned things, and there was no doubt he’d hate them, too. If he even gets to find them.

It started with a deer. A family had been perusing about one of the main trails. One of the supposedly safe trails. They had stopped to gaze upon a grazing doe. The child had begged and begged and begged to be placed on their father’s shoulders, and they got their wish just as the deer began to move. The small group watched in awed silence as she inspected the forest floor, searching for her next meal. But before she could find it, the forest floor made a meal of her. It opened up wide, gripped her tight, and pulled her below. Similar instances followed, and the Park was sent into a frenzy. Eilidh, naturally, made herself involved.

Talks of eradication filled the office. But they were too afraid to state anything plainly, too afraid to even admit that they knew what truly lurked within the nearby wood. Eilidh was more direct. “Fuck no.” These creatures, these carachs, only crime was existing in view of humans. It was clear her perspective was not the majority. The carachs posed a threat, and while it had yet to be acted on, they would not wait until it was too late. Eilidh offered a solution. Let her try. The Park was full of restricted areas away from any wandering pedestrian. Away from this potential threat. They could be relocated there. Let her try.

So, she would try. Alone.

Whatever. Less eyes meant she could utilize all of her abilities. After taking a moment to secure some supplies, which became nestled within her backpack, she headed off onto her task. And was immediately struck with the sight of Bug Busters Pest Control Solutions glaring back at her. “Those cunts!” Someone must’ve called while she was distracted, because no one had made any clear moves to dissuade whoever the vehicle belonged to, for it sat undisturbed. “This is a National Park, you don’t call a fucking exterminator!” She yelled at one of her coworkers who made the mistake of walking by. They simply stared with frightened eyes, having no clue what she was talking about. With a frustrated shout, she ran over to the car. When a man, supposedly the owner, came into view, she pointed threateningly. “No! No! Fuck off! We don’t need your kind of help!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! That’s not a very warm welcome.” On any other day, Anton would’ve smirked at the sight of a tiny angry person screaming at her, what the much taller man definitely finds hilarious. For some reason. But today was not one of those days. Anton was tired. Anton was exhausted. Anton just wanted to get this job done. “What seems to be the problem, ma’am? We’re just responding to a call.”

Yes, he was, but no, he already knew what the problem was. The damn carachs, of course. He should’ve expected they’d find their way to a place like this, a place big enough where they could hide somewhere and eat something without the prying eyes of the more mundane humans. Unfortunately, the eight-legged freaks must’ve messed up, one of those mundane creatures saw them do something, and now Anton and his need for money was caught in the middle of the overgrown spiders and whatever the heck this small but pretty attractive woman’s problem was.

“I’m Anton. Anton Grant.” He thought introducing himself would make any difference, offering her one of his patented charming smiles that didn’t actually have that much of a success rate, if only serving to catch others off-guard for a brief moment or two. He doubled down with an extended hand, his dark brown eyes moving from her towards the other park personnel whose own curiosities lured them to this less than pleasant encounter.

“Bug Busters Pest Control Solutions, the best pest control service in town, by the way, is here to help. Someone called about…” He looked around them before leaning in for a whisper. “...a spider problem…” He then moved back to resume the normal volume of his voice. Just in case one of those other personnel would end up a potential customer. “We’re here to take care of it. Professionally.”

Out of a misguided attempt to sound professional, he emphasized the pronoun we throughout his spiel, even though it was clear as day that he was alone.

Eilidh rolled her eyes, not feeling any guilt for her outburst. “Respond to another call.” She wasn’t even given a second of trust before she was undermined by this outsourced ‘help.’ While she truly loved her job and the opportunities it presented to her, sometimes she hated the other people involved. Even though most were relatively sympathetic, there was still a clear bias against the supernatural. Even with visitors outwardly acknowledging the dangers, if someone cried monster too many times, the monster must be dealt with. Often cruelly. Always have to keep up pretenses. Even here.

As ‘Anton’ flashed a smile, she only blinked in response, already trying to forget the name. His hand extended forward, perhaps in an attempt at peace. Eilidh chose the opposite. Her own palms placed firmly on her hips with no want of moving. The effect was lost as another took his offered hand, whether from genuine interest or to alleviate some of the tension set ablaze by her passions. Didn’t matter either way. Angry eyes locked onto them and fearing they too would get caught in the flame, they yielded, taking a step back. The two of them still had an audience, but a ring of emptiness encircled them. A distinction between onlooker and participant.

A spider problem. The way it was spoken, as if a secret, like so many that filled this town, showed her he was probably aware of what truly lurked out there. An actual professional. Or an overconfident fool. So, either someone who could actually do damage, or someone whose death would add more fuel to the fear. Neither alternative would be beneficial. “Look, I ‘ave the ‘spider problem’ handled. So, get the fuck out of-”

She was interrupted by a voice from behind. A superior. They informed her that the Park was exploring all the options given to them. And that if her idea worked, the exterminator wouldn’t need to do his job anyway. Said in a way that was clear they wanted to scream fuck just as Eilidh had and will again, but professionalism prevented such a thing. Pretenses, pretenses. So, her options were clear. Work fast, and maybe, maybe be able to save some of the carachs… Fuck, she didn’t even have a clear plan! But the other conclusion was all the carachs dead, for she wasn’t fast enough.

She looked at Anton. Then bolted into the woods.

There is no other call. Anton wanted to just dryly tell her the truth, that his line of work wasn’t as stable as hers, and because of that, he needs to respond to every call he gets. Otherwise, his late grandfather might start haunting him, too, for letting his business go down the drain. Like his body. The past few weeks were pretty good for Bug Busters Pest Control Solutions, though, which was a little odd to think and smile about right then and there, considering he technically should thank all the bugs and rodents he had to put down for always keeping him warm and fed.

“Okay…” The lady was as rude as she was cute confirmed. Fortunately, she wasn’t the only park personnel around, and he gave the more courteous one a nod and the most charming smile he could ever muster. A stolen glimpse of the still infuriated rude woman, however, slowly chased that smile off of his face. Like she chased the other employee off. Without even moving. Damn, she’s good. He’d almost believed that she did have everything under control, too, because despite her size and her rudeness, her fire reminded her of someone else’s, someone who proved him wrong and handled herself beyond his misinformed expectations. But then someone else stepped forward and corrected her. Oof.

“Well then, I guess if there’s nothing else…” He almost gulped when she looked back at him, his mind already wincing even though it was just one look. The last thing he needed was to get slapped, punched, or even kicked between the legs. He’s suffered all three before, in public, so he was always wary of those possibilities. Still, he had a job to do, especially now that the rest of the park seems to be on his side more than hers. “I’ll just—” He cut himself off when she bolted into the woods. Okay… I guess she really hates my guts. Turning to the rest of the personnel, he just offered them a shrug before calmly walking behind her, as another quickly briefed him on their spider problem.

She ran. And ran. Eilidh wasn’t even sure what she was going to do when she got to her destination. But she knew how to run. So, run she did.

A patch of dirt caught her attention. Small circle of brown contrasting the great expanse of green. It hadn’t been there the day before. Odd. Curiosity compelled her forward, and curiosity paid off. As a foot just barely pressed upon the transitional point between grass and ‘dirt,’ the ground stirred, revealing it wasn’t ground at all. The carach was only the size of a football, but it attacked her with the ferocity of a lion. Fangs pierced her leg, injecting it with a paralyzing agent. But as it worked its way through her body, it couldn’t take hold. She knelt down, the carach still clinging to her leg, as if waiting for its toxins to strip her of all movement. She simply held it in her unaffected hands. It lurched forward, and after a moment of struggle, it escaped from her. It returned to its burrow. She fished out a tarp from her bag. Repeating the previous steps, the carach was once again in her grasp, but before it could escape her, she wrapped the tarp around its body, securing the ends in tight fists.

It fought. Desperately. Holes formed in the tarp as its eight legs went haywire. But not enough to fully rip. After a tense moment of struggle, on both the carach’s and Eilidh’s part, all motion ceased. Acceptance. She picked up the makeshift carach carrier. The contents gave one last struggle before calming again. But this all wasn’t a victory yet. She started running again, but slower, taking care not to jostle her unwilling companion. After a satisfying amount of distance was achieved between her last and current position, she opened the tarp. The carach sprung forward. When it landed, it immediately took off. Time to see if this would work. She watched as the creature scurried for a minute, before settling into the ground just as it had been when she first found it. Success!

She should probably get more tarps. Bigger tarps.

Turning back to where she came, she headed back for more supplies.

Into the Woods was a movie Anton enjoyed, though not everyone shared the notion. As he made his way through the park’s main trails, where the supposed tragedy had happened, Anton couldn’t help but hum along to the titular song that he was playing through his phone. Once he was where he thought he needed to be, the exact spot where the carachs consumed their hapless victims, he warily took out his spear and started prodding the forest floor. Since the eight-legged freaks were fond of burrowing into the ground, with their abdomens mimicking piles of leaves, or even rocks, it was the best option he had to draw them out. If his spear made contact with any part of them, especially their abdomens, then they’d spring up, almost instinctively, but instead of pinning him to the ground, they’d be wrapping their long, spindly legs over his spear, and that would expose them, ripe for the slaying. “I’m such a freaking genius.”

Except, geniuses should have expected that there would be more than enough carachs to deal with, and some of those would be bigger than a mouse. It took Anton a couple of pokes on the ground but he managed to draw one out, a small carach, and immediately pierced it in its stomach. Carachs were venomous creatures, after all, and in this case, it was either them or him. He's been paralyzed by their bite before. Fortunately, he's never experienced the second type of carach venom. Until now.

At first, he thought it was just adrenaline rushing through his veins, the excitement of surviving an otherwise dangerous encounter. But then his heart beat continued to race, and faster it did so. "What the hell?" Taking a step back, he tried to force his eyes closed before opening them in a misguided attempt to "see better". He could feel his pulse now, his very heart breaking, as a vision of his daughter being taken away from him while he was utterly helpless, locked behind bars, trapped in a cage like some animal, haunted him in daylight. Looking around him, he realized his vision was also starting to blur. Panic was setting in. “Fucking spiders.” He uttered, cursing them, before dropping to the ground face-first, clutching his chest, struggling to reach something, someone, but he was alone. “Can’t believe... I’m gonna die... To these smug assholes…”

The two intercepted as she was on her way back to the main building. Barely crawling around on the ground, Eilidh almost missed him. She considered pretending she did. No one else was around. The forest was so, so, so big. And she was so, so, so busy. Who would fault her? But as a large carach made its move towards the easy meal, something inside her pushed her to act.

Skin crashed against exoskeleton, the force from her lunge sending both her and the carach falling into a nearby bush. As she tried to get her composure, she was met with long, sharp legs beating down on her. Enough to break skin, muscle. Enough to pierce through a chest. She punched one of those legs, enough to contort her wrist into a weird angle. She snapped it back into place. In a brief opening, she sent a kick into the hard abdomen hovering above, with enough force to shatter bone if she were human. The carach shivered and leapt back, unnerved by the attack on its vulnerable spot. Eilidh was free.

She rolled from the bush, using the propulsion to end the motion in a kneel. She unsheathed the dagger from her thigh. While she wanted to help the carachs, like hell she was going to let herself be a punching bag. The two watched each other, neither wanting to make the first move. The carach was the first to bow out, choosing to save its energy for easier prey. It disappeared behind the trees. For now.

She inspected the damages. Tears and rips littered her clothes, some even threatening to make her ‘indecent.’ Hidden within those tears were gashes and cuts that had already shown signs of healing. Could’ve been better, but not bad. She turned to the downed man. “See? I have it handled.” Part of her wondered if he could even hear her in his current state.

Even as he writhed on the damp ground of the national park, the feeling of death’s cold, icy grip tight around his panicked heart, Anton could not rein in a playful smirk, his dark brown eyes delighted at the sight of Eilidh, especially the ‘aftermath’ of the battle.

“O-oh, hey!” He twitched under her feet, jaws and hands clenching as he tried to fight the carach’s venom. “You came looking for m-me? I was definitely wrong: ...you do c-care.” He tried to flash her his most charming smile yet but could only muster a weak one, barely a smile, more a wince or a grimace than anything else. “What are you?”

The “fractoxin” that was coursing through Anton’s veins might be dangerous in large doses, but the exterminator, despite how things appeared at the moment, was still a pest hunter, born and trained to deal with such monsters. As such, his body was a little more resistant to these things compared to that of regular humans, still not as resistant as what Eilidh was apparently, and he healed a bit faster, too. It helped that the predator only injected him with a small dose, enough for the sensation that tricked him into believing he was already at Death’s door when once again Death dared not have him anywhere close. Probably preferred a warm meal to a cold one.

It took his body some time to fully heal, though a sense of disorientation, dizziness, and a modicum of weakness still remained over him. Most hunters, at the realization that a small angry woman just saved them from a hungry carach, especially a pest hunter, would have been much warier at their presence, if not a little more apprehensive. Anton was not like most hunters, however, and he was more excited, if not simply interested, at the unexpected turn of events.

Dragging himself to a nearby tree for a much-needed rest, gasping for air every now and then as he clutched his arm throughout, he gestured to where the dog-sized carach disappeared into with a smile. “That thing can’t roam free in the park... You know that, right? Unless you find a place for it, for them, more innocent, stupid people will die.”

Her eyes squinted at the question. What are you? Eilidh could tell he was still fighting off the effects of the toxins. Perhaps he was even in a state of mind to not remember her words. But she refrained from the truth, or any type of answer. She went back to inspecting her clothes, trying to see what could and couldn’t be salvaged.

Hunger crept up inside her. Forming in the gut, then working its way until it resided deep in the mind. Not enough to make her lose control. But enough to be a constant thought in the back of her head. While the attack was brief, and she would walk away with no scars, the exertion still had a price. She stared off into the trees, thinking about what her next meal would be, when Anton’s words brought her back.

She thought about the tarp idea, then gave her body one last look over. The idea might work for all the little ones, but the one she just faced? No. It would tear anything she could find in short notice into confetti. Fuck. She wracked her brain for another idea. But her knowledge on the creature was limited, her experience even less so. So, nothing immediately came to mind. She couldn’t just tuck her tail in and give up, though. Not yet. Think, think! A scene from earlier replayed in her mind. One of her coworkers had described one of the gruesome deaths. A missing heart was one of the details. Hearts. That might work.

“Wait here.” She turned to leave but stopped halfway. While he seemed to be in better shape than before, it was clear Anton was in no shape to defend himself. One more departing thought. “Try not to die.” Into the treeline. She was gone.

Several minutes passed, and when she returned, she seemed in much higher spirits. Her clothes, on the other hand, had a new layer of dirt on them. One hand was red, stained in blood. Cradled in the hand was a heart that had recently lost its beat. “Don’t ask.” She lifted her hand. “They like hearts, yeah?” Without a word of explanation, she headed in the direction of where the carach had disappeared into, eyes intently facing the ground.

“Yes... Carachs eat hearts, and will often lay their eggs in empty chest cavities... Where did you get that?” Anton squinted at the bloody muscle she held when she returned. He had followed her when she disappeared, dark brown eyes on her like a moth to flame but made no effort to move, taking instead the opportunity to rest a while. He was already back on his feet, stretching his limbs and massaging his joints, when Eilidh came back.

“You know, it’s actually quite the theme since one of their two types of venom, fractoxin, gives their victim this feeling of heartbreak, and in large doses, that feeling becomes more of the actual thing.” With his hand rhythmically but softly tapping his chest, he mimics the sound of a heartbeat, once, twice, thrice, slowing down as he goes, before making the final one more of an explosion, a heart exploding, the complete opposite of what happens when the heart stops. “Some people actually farm the tiny ones. For the fractoxin. Sells good money in the…” He cuts himself off, finally realizing that he’s been explaining too much, especially to someone he wasn’t sure yet was of the same community. ...supernatural community.

“Wait!” Anton instinctively followed her when she started to leave, grabbing his spear along the way. He didn’t even get to tell her of their proportions and exoskeleton, how injuring them without a sharp weapon like his would be tough. Those legs, not unlike hers, were pretty damn dangerous, too. Is she also a climber? “We need to strike them in the stomach, where they’re vulnerable! Or toss them into the sea or at least a nearby lake!”

When he caught up with her, his eyes grew wide in horror. Well, more of surprise than actual fear. Anton didn’t fear a lot of things. Or at least he tells himself that every time he goes to sleep. Some glowing rift in time and space, an interdimensional portal of sorts, from which a slime-covered overgrown spider, most likely the same one that tried to eat him earlier, was struggling with its two free legs to pull itself away? Anton didn’t fear that. Definitely not. He gulped. “...or that. That looks like a good place to leave them in.”

Eilidh took note of the information he freely offered. Fractoxin. Nice to put a name to what she assumed the smaller carach had shot into her leg. Seeing an example of the effects, she wasn’t surprised they farmed for it. Just concerned about how it was given… or taken. Concern for another time. The mention of a freshwater body was interesting. She had been under the—misguided it seemed—impression that only salt water affected carachs. Looks like she had some reading to do.

He seemed to know a lot about carachs. Was it a result of having to adjust to White Crest, or were supernatural creatures his real targets? Either way, she stored the knowledge for future use. But the context it was given brought her eyebrows down, scowl forming. “There’s no we. I’m trying to relocate them. Or did that fractoxin fuck with your head?” She flicked her hand at him, meant to emphasize her point. But the motion caused a few drops of blood to be flung out. An apology wasn’t given.

The sight before her made all sourness inside her crumble away. A giant, glowing gash hovered just a few feet away. It was like the very universe had been wounded. Or perhaps it was more like a mouth. A mouth that was in the middle of a meal. Ensnared in slime, a poor carach tried to free itself from its great maw. Its remaining legs scurried desperately against the ground. Puncture marks littered the soil before it, yet it did not, could not, move forward. Only enough strength to keep it in that same, desperate spot. But that strength was waning, and it started to slip. Slip. Slip. In one last attempt, it stabbed the earth with all limbs, keeping it in that desperate spot. A second passed. Strength failed it once more. It was sucked into the wound. Gone.

Eilidh blinked. Turning to Anton in the brief calm, she broke it with, “Do you think-” Something shot out at her. It gripped her tight, trapping her in that very same slime. Before she could even attempt to free herself, the world around her became a blur. It exploded into lights as she met the same fate as the carach. By the time she could process what had happened, she found herself tumbling, tumbling, tumbling down a wet tunnel. She grabbed a knife. Made it pierce into her new surroundings. The descent abruptly stopped. But she would not find peace. Just as the knife struck, a loud rumble shook the tunnel, carrying Eilidh along for the ride. It almost caused her to lose grip as moisture perforated everything. But her hands managed to hold firm. While the sound was all encompassing, based on the vibrations on her legs, she could tell it came adjacent to her. She looked up. Light shined down from her. But it came and went. Almost flashing, but not quite. She stared harder. Something disrupted the light on the edges. Something pointed.

Teeth.

“Oooooh, ya think you’re gonna eat me, huh?” Pulling out her other knife, she stabbed it just above where the first was struck. Her world shook again as the great sound pierced into everything. But still, she managed to hold. And so, she started to climb up.

Anton has had blood splattered all over his face before but not like this. Never like this. Eilidh was not a gentle “first time”, he frowned, heaving a sigh as she continued to be rude at him. If he had the time to think, maybe in a few hours after this hellish encounter should he survive, he would realize that her reactions were perfectly normal. From the way things have developed, she did not seem like she was, well, normal. His late grandfather had told him stories about certain “weirdness” in White Crest, though for his part, Anton has had encounters with sentient creatures other than humans and hunters, creatures that pretended to be normal but weren’t, with some of those encounters even...intimate.

Shaking his head vigorously, he tried to shake those thoughts off, away. Now was not the time to go down “sexy memory lane”, Anton, he cursed himself in his head. Half-expecting Eilidh to lecture him yet again, he was caught surprised when she cut herself off, and in a split-second of panic, he found his hands dropping his spear, instead instinctively trying to grab at the strange woman, trying to pull her back to safety. There were no other thoughts that cluttered his mind. In that moment, he was focused on doing one thing and one thing alone: Not let the angry woman get taken by the interdimensional reproductive organ, as if she were a baby about to get reabsorbed by Mother Space-Time. “Fuck!”

Alas, Anton was ill-equipped to do that one thing. He found his hands slipping, the blood on hers not helping one bit. He managed to stand his ground, however, keep himself from falling back, to the ground on his ass. In one fluid motion, he gritted his teeth, furious at his own failure, before grabbing his spear and chucking himself into the portal. If the Girl was here, she would’ve described it as yeeting.

Through the tunnel, he flew, though his eyes were closed as he tried his hardest to keep himself from screaming, barely succeeding. When it was all said and done, he landed with a sloppy thud a few steps behind Eilidh, a few seconds after her, like something just spat him out, his flavor a little too much for the universe's palate. “Well, that was a trip.” He quipped as he grabbed his spear tightly, having done the same as her, pierced what he could of the so-called tunnel to keep himself from getting swallowed by wherever, or whatever, he had been spat out into. Eyes adjusting to the blinking light from up above, he found the familiar form he had tried to save but failed, following right after her, using one of the many small knives he always had on his person whenever he was on a job. “I fucking hate this town.”

It took them some time, not helped by the fact that they were going against the grain, or something resembling that in wherever they were, but they managed to find solid respite from all the chaos and confusion. At least what resembled respite in wherever they were. Anton had learned not too long ago to abandon what he knew of mundane physics, which wasn't much to even begin with, when things like this were concerned. The exterminator may be one step above the mundane, but he was not a magic man, a spellcaster, and with the exception of the gifts he had received as a hunter, some he was born with, others he was trained for, he wasn't that far from being mundane himself. “Where the hell are we?”

Right as he asked that, the entirety of the tunnel shook again, as if an entire world was breaking in of itself. Anton turned behind him, his instincts telling him that something was about to happen from that very direction. “Uhh… Macleod? You might want to grab hold of some—” And just like that he was spat out again. Like a fish bone caught in a massive velvet worm’s throat. “I really fucking hate this town.”

While her ascent had started strong, the progress was… lacking. It was hard to climb a mountain when it was covered in slime and tried to buck you off like an angry horse. To make matters worse, the flesh wasn’t always so firm against her weight. Sometimes a puncture accidentally became a slash as it gave and she slid. Eliminating much needed progress. And further accelerating the bucking. Every motion had a consequence. The biggest would be found in letting go. “Fuck!” Again, she stabbed the flesh. “Fuck!” Again, she tensed as everything around shook violently. “Fuck this!” Again, she pulled herself up.

There was commotion from above, something that disturbed the light that was her destination. It rapidly grew until it became a man tumbling toward her, which she narrowly dodged. The whatever-the-hell the two were stuck in gave another shake, this time not caused by her. Once motion ceased, she dared a glance down. Anton looked up at her. Not knowing the noble origins of his arrival, she assumed he got taken off guard, same as her. “Really? I’d love to be in town right now, to be honest. Not this shit.” Especially since she had plans. Oh fuck, right! She had plans! Hopefully she wouldn’t keep Milo waiting too long.

With a small burst of determination, she continued upward. But her arms started to shake under the stress. Moisture punctured through her hands, her clothes, everything. It was suffocating. All encompassing. Like the cave. No, no, no, no, no, no. She needed to get out soon, wherever this was. “We’re on our way to be dinner, is what.” Her previous fire was starting to die. She was trapped. She was trapped again. Again. Trapped. Again. She needed her bliss. She needed her bliss. An unsteady hand searched desperately for it. “Fuck you, cunt!” She barked up at the taunting light.

The use of her name triggered something within her, her lost bite. “Who the hell told you-” She looked down, but Anton did not hold her attention for long. The same mucus that coated the walls of their prison was bubbling below them. Closer. And closer. One second it enveloped Anton. The next, herself. And finally, the two were flung onto solid ground.

Ground! Precious ground! She started kissing it passionately. But something was off. Pulling back, she stared down at the grass. Except, it wasn’t really grass. Deep inside, something told her what lay before lacked life. Lacked a soul. She looked around. Everything was like that. Trees covered the area, but she felt no comfort with them. Clearly distressed, she rapidly flung her head around, searching for something, anything. But her, Anton, and that thing, they were the only creatures to be seen. No buzz of an insect, song of a bird, or rustle of leaves. Just hollow trees.

Small hope was found when that same glowing gash came into view. Except it looked like it had been reflected into a mirror. Reversed, like a door. It must be a gateway! “Look!” She pointed it out to Anton. “Let’s get the fuck out-” The massive creature spewed its inner contents all over the ground again, and Eilidh had the misfortune of being covered in another layer of muck and gunk. It seemed like her torment would be coming to end as the flow slowed when thunk —something came crashing into her head. She fell onto her back with a squelch, the projectile landing right beside her. A key. Something seemingly small and inconsequential, but as she stared, her pupils dilated. Inner voice told her to take it, take it, take it! Following her impulses, she snatched the thing and struggled to get back on her feet.

The moment he felt something gross begin to swallow him up from beneath him, Anton immediately closed his eyes and held his breath. He knew that whatever would follow would be nothing he would enjoy, and he has enjoyed a plethora of questionable things, both morally and legally. He was right, for once in his life, and although it was technically not the worst thing he’s bathed himself in, he was relieved to find himself on solid ground once more, trying his best to get the gunk off of him properly. For fuck’s sake.

It didn’t take him long to notice that something wasn’t right. Because it never really is. Shaking as much of the disgusting muck off of him, off of his clothes, he squinted as he wiped his eyes off of them as well, only to be greeted by not even a buzzing bee. Wasn’t it bee season? From everything bee-related that has happened to him in the past few weeks, his train of thought would be understandably logical. Yet nothing else was logical about where they were. At least the Girl isn’t here. That must be why it’s so quiet, so peaceful, so bliss— His train of thought was derailed when he laid eyes on the fucking thing that ate them. “What the hell is that thing? Jabba the LSD Hutt? That better not be a bug, I swear to god.”

Anton wouldn’t even have noticed the portal if Eilidh hadn’t screamed at him, his entire attention on their would-have-been predator. At the very least, he saw it coming, the creature puking yet again, allowing him to avoid most of the vomit that unfortunately Eilidh could not. Oh, man, my shoes. He whined in his head when a splatter of gunk from Eilidh flew on his shoes, which were already covered in more muck not too long ago. Then he realized something: His hands were not holding anything. Ah, fuck. His dark brown eyes wandered from them to the giant worm thing. It’s fucking stuck in its throat, isn’t it? That would explain its continual vomiting. That and the many stabbings Eilidh did on its insides.

Turning towards Eilidh when something hit her on her head, Anton finally caught a glimpse of the portal, that interdimensional moo-moo. Fuck it, we’re out of here. Not even hesitating to leave Eilidh behind, the exterminator wrapped his hands around her waist and just freaking hightailed it out of there, using his newfound adrenaline to yeet them both out of the gloomy hellhole like a pair of slippers his mother used to aim at his head whenever he became too annoying to deal with.

Unfortunately, Anton was never a trained wrestler and both of them were more or less slippery from the giant creature’s vomit, so he struggled to keep his hands and arms around her, exerting more effort than was necessary, his face contorted in pain. “We’re gonna live past forty!” He screamed to keep his mind on something else.

The next thing he knew, he was lying down on his back, his vision a little blurry. He could almost take a nap then and there, his body exhausted. But then he remembered what just happened, the absolute grossness of it all, and did otherwise. Wiping more of the puke from his face, he just laid there, dark brown eyes staring at the sky, wondering if this was all worth anything. “Being alive takes so much effort.” He groaned. Oh, man, my spear.

Before she could fully rise, Eilidh felt hands on her. Instincts taking over, she struggled against their hold: fists struck against his back, legs kicked at his thighs. A scream rumbled in her chest, ready for release. But as Anton headed for the gateway, slipping and sliding along the unsteady ground but onward all the same, she realized what was going on. Oh. Confusion froze her, and amusement at his shitty attempt to navigate against all odds made her unsure how to react. The scream died before it began, and her limbs calmed: acceptance.

Facing opposite their retreat, she was able to fully focus on the creature for the first time. Under different circumstances, she would’ve been fascinated by the size, the beautiful colors, the entrancing eyes. Instead, she just looked at it with mild curiosity, dampened by frustration. It looked, no, glared back. It still quivered and rumbled from the ordeal, but it was quickly gaining composure. And was prepared to dish out some much needed punishment. From a protrusion on its head, the slime from before shot out, meant for them but it missed its mark. Instead, a tree a few meters from them became engulfed. The ooze shifting into a crystal prison was the last sight she saw before entering the gateway. Then everything blurred. And then became blinding.

Despite being able to focus this time, the second go-around was still as disorienting. She closed her eyes against the onslaught of lights. Crashing into the ground snapped them back open. She flopped on the hard surface like a dead fish; the impacts sounding just the same. She came to an ungraceful stop. Eyes quickly inspected her surroundings. A moth flew above nose. Life! The sight made her almost cry. She looked on further, up to the lively trees dancing in the wind, to the beautiful stars twinkling at her. Wait, stars? When did it become night time? Who cares, they were back. “Fuck whatever that was,” she grunted. “And don’t grab me like that again. That was terrible.” Despite her words, there was a hint of a chuckle on her lips.

The two enjoyed the well-earned peace, just laying there.

Which was the perfect position to avoid the slime projectile. It sped pass from above, missing them by a few inches. A bitter whisper hissed out of her, “Chan e seo a-rithist…” She turned her head just in time to see another mass of slime shoot out of the gateway. When that also failed to make contact with either of them, a third rocketed by. “Looks like someone’s pissed.” After the fourth slime also missed its target, the attempts ceased. But she doubted the creature gave up so quickly. She swatted at the closest thing of Anton’s she could, his shoes, in order to get his attention. “Get behind it.” She pointed at the gateway. With no idea how long this standstill would last, there was no time for explanations. Rolling onto her stomach, she quickly crawled, like a competitive baby, until the quieted rift was behind her. Supposedly safe—as long as the gateway only worked one-way—she finally rose to resting on her knees.

The motion jostled the mysterious key in her pocket. She suddenly remembered its presence. Right. That. A chill ran up her spine at the thought of it. With a shake of her head, it passed. For now.

For a moment or two, Anton felt relieved at the sound of Eilidh’s voice, so relieved in fact that a short-lived chuckle escaped from his lips. Then he made the mistake of running his gunk-ridden hand over his mouth. Fucking hell. At least he still had the wits to NOT accidentally taste the damned thing. Gross. His brain was too distracted by the combined effort of what the fuck just happened and what the hell was still on him to realize the day had abandoned him, throwing him to the mercy of the dark night sky with only a spattering of stars to keep it all appropriately beautiful.

Catching a glimpse of Eilidh’s hand, Anton turned towards her, wary about getting slapped for all his trouble. Then he found himself immediately surprised when he noticed more of the slime flying through the air. Oh, for fuck’s sake. Monkey see, monkey do, and Anton was on his belly before he knew it, crawling behind the portal. “Your park is super weird, lady.” Although he didn’t remember outright Eilidh’s suspiciously defensiveness towards her name, his subconscious helped him make the better decision to go with something else than his mispronounced rendition of what her parents had given her.

Once behind enemy lines, or at least the enemy’s line of sight, he helped himself off the ground, though only sitting to catch his breath for a few seconds, a much-needed respite from everything else that had happened. His dark brown eyes wandered over Eilidh, his ears catching the brief jostling in her pocket. For another moment or two, he just stared at her before breaking out in laughter as the portal started slowly collapsing in on itself, as if it was never there, as if it never tried to be their grave.

“Well,” He groaned as he forced himself back on his feet, battered and bruised. “I guess that’s that. Client only made mention of a single overgrown spider, and from the looks of things, that’s been taken care of.” He offered her a hand to help her back on her feet as well, more out of instinct than anything. As a pest hunter, Anton knew full well how it was better to fight together when there were more than one of him instead of doing otherwise, and both of them on their feet could prevent more surprises. “All’s well that ends well…”

By far, this was ostensibly the weirdest shit that has ever happened to Anton since he moved into town. The insect monsters were a given, considering his family’s history, but an interdimensional portal to god knows where and that freakishly massive monster? Now those would make for a great story. Now, however, he needed a bath and maybe dinner. He wondered if the Girl, the receptionist he inherited from his late grandfather, had already closed the office. She probably did, considering how she never liked to wait for him. Besides, she probably had more homework to worry about. Guess it’s dinner alone again. Beer and something that’s definitely not soup. He’s had enough soupy shit for the day.

Eyes locked. Body motionless. Eilidh’s fingers curled around the remaining dagger. Eyes focused. Body tensing. A predator ready to pounce. The gateway shifted; movement at last. But she was ready this time. Lifting her dagger, she—

The gateway disappeared.

Ah.

Laughter filled the air. In that moment of bewilderment and relief, Eilidh couldn’t help but offer her own. Everything was funnier when you were tired and a touch delirious. But it died in her throat when she remembered who she was laughing with. A cough replaced it. Her hand went to the ground. It played with the soil which had previously been bathed in otherworldly light. Otherwordly. The dirt rested on her fingers, unaware and uncaring of what had played above it. It sprinkled back to the rest of its brethren.

Gateways didn’t just appear. And there was no guarantee it wouldn’t happen again. There must’ve been something that caused it, right? Nothing seemed out of the ordinary; if there were secrets she would have to dig, perhaps literally. Maybe this was a special place, where the separation of this world and not was thin, easy to bend. Or tear. Her back straightened, searching hands retreating back to herself. An apology to the area lay on her tongue. But, wait, shouldn’t the Park know about something like that? Well, there were a lot of shoulds the Park refused to do. In fact, Anton just alluded to one of them. Despite her efforts, the carach died anyway. But a sense of defeat failed to find her. There was a silver lining. Its death provided nutrients for that massive creature on the other side of the door. Maybe they were connected. Like that fallen carach, maybe it used the gateway as its trapdoor. Hidden, until unsuspecting prey stumbled by. Maybe it sealed the gateway when the prey started biting back. Maybe, maybe.

Ignoring the offered hand, she stood, a dull ache pulsing through her limbs, but it was ultimately fatigue that wanted to pull her back down. “Are you gonna mention the giant caterpillar, or just claim all their hard work?” A twinkle of mirth lay in her eyes, but buried in exhaustion. Not really caring for an answer, she shooed him away with a flick of her wrist. “Bye now.” Hopefully he’d actually leave this time, his ‘duty’ fulfilled. She returned to surveying her surroundings. But gravity wanted to return her to the ground. And hunger told her to run, to hunt. She debated if it was worth looking for answers, or to just go back to her place, since she wasn’t in the mood for—Dance Macabre! Fuck! She fished out her phone. Her newly broken phone. Gunk seeped into every crevice, leaving nothing untouched. No matter how many times her thumb smashed on a button, no light came. Milo would just have to have fun without her. She stuffed it back where she found it with a huff.

Camel’s back officially broken, and curiosity no longer able to fuel her, she decided to leave the questions for another day. Let the Park fence off the area for some bullshit reason, and she’ll sneak in with the darkness of night to keep her secret. Either to find answers or wait and see if anything unfolds. But for now, as crickets chirped, and foxes chittered, and the breeze whistled by, reminding her she was alive, surrounded by life. It was time to return to her roots.

Retrieving her bag, she took off. Muscles cried at the strain, but teeth chattered in excitement. The thrill of the hunt. After a distance, her tattered clothes proved too restricting, the coat of slime stiffening, as if it too wished to turn crystal. So, she removed the garments. Naked under the starlight. And kept running. Running. Searching for prey.

[END]

#wickedswriting #. ˋ ◈ ᵃⁿᵗᵒⁿ ᵍʳᵃⁿᵗ ››› c ˋ .#. ˋ ◈ ᵃⁿᵗᵒⁿ ᵍʳᵃⁿᵗ ››› para ˋ .#. ˋ ◈ ᶠᵉᵃᵗᵘʳⁱⁿᵍ ››› eilidh macleod ˋ .#braindeacl

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sunset-telepath · 4 years ago

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Why I hate Ro

So, I was asked to explain why I hate Ro. And I’ve been compilating several arguments that I’ve heard and written myself. And I’d like to put a disclaimer here - it’s not because she’s this “sokeefe idol.” It’ just... her character and what she does in support of sokeefe.

Disclaimer: I’m condensing several conversations that I, JaxTheShade, and [Redacted due to them not wanting to be credited] had on the wiki about a month ago. Around 40% of these ideas are mine, 40% are Jax’s, and 20% are [Redacted]’s.

Right off the bat, she’s a misandrist. She quite literally calls boys as stupid as amoeba in Legacy. You can say that that was a joke, but it’s not funny. It’s not okay to blatantly call anyone or generalize any group stupid. It’s not ok. It’s the exact same thing as saying that women belong in the kitchen or that blacks are criminals. It’s not ok. It’s disgusting, despicable, and repugnant behavior.

In the Flashback Short Story, she objectifies Sophie as a prize for Fitz and Keefe to fight over. What the actual f***. That is not acceptable behavior under any circumstances. It’s repugnant, disgusting, detestable, and f****** evil. Treating any person as a prize to fight over is textbook objectification and it is blatantly evil. It is not ok. And it’s disgusting that this narrative has leaked into some of the fanfics that I’ve read. THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. IT IS NOT EXCUSABLE. IT IS EVIL.

She flat out bullies Fitz. She alludes to him being a nasty microbe in Legacy. She ridicules his desire to perfect himself. There is nothing wrong with being or trying to be perfect. Don’t push yourself too hard trying to be perfect, but if you should always strive to be better (and if you’re naturally talented like Fitz is, achieve your dreams. Fulfill your potential. Ignore the haters). She mocks and bullies him, calling him names and ridiculing his desire to be perfect. Newsflash: There’s nothing wrong with trying to be perfect. Who the hell is Ro to decide how perfect someone can be? Who the hell does Ro think she is? As a perfectionist myself, I despise Ro and her adversity to perfection. It’s not her place to decide how perfect a person can be. I admire Fitz simply shrugging her off and not letting her flat-out abuse get to him. It’s the proper way to deal with people like her.

Her entire character can be summed up as a chronic-complainer who ships Sokeefe. Shannon basically turned the Instagram Fandom into a character and made it Keefe’s Bodyguard. She never confesses to making mistakes and she’s never humbled or knocked down a peg. 30% of her dialogue can be attributed to complaining about sparkles or “elf-land,” 20% of it can be attributed to her flat-out bulling Fitz, and 50% of it can be attributed to her pushing Sophie and Keefe together. None of the characters like her. The other bodyguards detest her, Bo wants to kill her, Fitz thinks that she’s awful, Sophie is embarrassed by her, and Keefe wants her to shut her mouth.

She’s blunt, she’s rude, and she’s just awful. She interferes with a relationship that is none of her business. She has no regard for the emotional abuse that she inflicts. Ro and Keefe are very similar, and clash often. Ro always wins, however, either because she’s stronger than him or because she can emotionally manipulate him. (These sound like big claims now, but they’re backed up later)

Ro dismisses Sophie by saying that “blondie doesn’t know what she feels.” And it’s disgusting. She’s objectified by “blondie” - a term focused on Sophie’s appearance rather than by her personality. She’s Sophie Elizabeth Foster, not “blondie.” She dismisses Sophie as naïve and disregards her feelings by saying that Sophie’s doesn’t know what Sophie feels.

~The Following Section was directly quoted from JaxTheShade because he summarized it so well~

Well...no, Ro. She does have an idea of what she feels. In fact, she was ecstatic and perfectly fine with dating and eventually sorting out her issues with Fitz until you started "hinting" about Keefe. Sophie does understand her feelings - and those feelings led her to Fitz. And even if she does have some underlying issue about who she likes (which has admittedly been hinted at), it's up to her to figure it out. Not a brash ogre bodyguard who scoffs at the notion of the Elvin culture and thinks she has a right to intrude in a teenage relationship she isn't apart of.

And Fitz...well, I'm sure Ro doesn't hate him. But she's pretty close to--that's not hard to deduce. Because Ro has ever bothered to pay attention to and sympathize with Keefe ( and yet she still finds a way to neglect his feelings ), she hasn't the slightest inclination of who Fitz is. So, like most people, she decides to consider him "the opposing candidate" in the love triangle and never look past the surface of Fitz, just calling him "Captain Perfect" and thinking that he could never be right for Sophie because he's competing against Keefe.

Sometimes I wish someone, anyone, would call Ro out for amount of sheer insults she layers on Fitz, whether he's there or not. Although most of the time it's done behind his back--what a surprise.

I mean, look at this:

She slyly calls him a 'nasty microbe'. And while some have argued that she wasn't calling Fitz this, she was very clearly expressing her disdain for Sophie's favourite colour being teal--and, by proxy, calls teal things 'nasty'.

“[...] But I thought it was only right to save your imp from being sparkle-fied—and I was going to be nice and turn him your favorite color. But apparently your favorite color is teal—and yeah, yeah, we all know why. But, um, do you realize how many of the nastiest little microbes are that color?” She shuddered. “I couldn’t do that to you—or the little dude. [...]”

Ro also calls him "Captain Perfectpants" and openly admits that Fitz would have problems with all the time Sophie is spending with Keefe. Essentially admitted but disregarding how upset Fitz would be--because who cares about Fitz's feelings when Keefe is having emotional turmoil? And as a little bonus, she also pulls her classic, "I can't take this anymore! I simply have to intervene in this situation of which I'm not apart of!

"Ro snorted. “Of course he would! He’d be super, super jealous!”

“Don’t,” Keefe told her.

“No—I can’t take it anymore!” Ro stalked toward Sophie and tapped her on the nose with a calloused fingertip. “I repeat: Yes, your Captain Perfectpants would be jealous! He scraped together the courage to get all share-y about his feelings, and now you’re ignoring him, and being all mysterious about why, and telling everyone who asks that you’re not dating him. And I’m not saying that’s a bad call. Trust your instincts! Hopefully they’ll lead you out of the oblivion. But in the meantime, count on your teal-eyed Wonderboy feeling a little insecure, particularly if he finds out you’re spending lots of quality time with other dudes. And you know what? That’s good for him. We all know that boy could use a little help in the humility department. So make him sweat a little. And you”—she spun back toward Keefe—“need to stop being so afraid.”

And those are just two instances, of which I can search for plenty more.

Ro is not a good person. She's a rebellious princess who ultimately works for her own gain. She thinks she's got it all figured out with Keefe, and decides that, since he shared his story of liking Sophie, she'll take it upon herself to get them together no matter what.

And I mean 'no matter what'. She has put down Sophie for liking Fitz, interrupted conversations so she can drop hints about Keefe's feelings against his will, and made fun of Sophie for being oblivious--even going to the extent of getting fed up with and blaming Sophie for her oblivion "becoming less and less cute".

She's also tried to actively break up Sophitz and push together Sophie and Keefe. She's insulted Fitz and holds a very hostile disposition towards him simply because he's "perfect boy" who's against the Saint Also Known As Keefe. Ro tries to subtly force Sophie's feelings for Fitz out of her while dropping in some "isn't Hunkyhair so great?". I wouldn't for a second put it past her to succeed in shutting down as many Sophitz moments as possible all so she can continue to ignore the pleas to stop and the embarrassed faces surrounding her.

And her excuse?

"It's the only fun she gets to have here in Elf Land".

She isn't apart of this relationship. She isn't affected by this relationship. She's only seen one side of this relationship, and uses that to base her opinions of the other two. Which is a terrible idea considering that leads to opinions like "Okay, well that other boy is awful because he's the competitor, and that girl must like the boy because the boy likes her, and sometimes she acts shy around him, and that's totally how relationships work".

Ro has absolutely no excuse for the amount of hurt she's inflicted on all three of these teenagers.

And yet she's regarded as a saint amongst all, while people like...say, Alden ( who made mistakes, but ultimately went about it in a calmer, gentler, and more well meaning way--as well as having much more justification and reasoning behind his actions ) are seen as evil and deserving of death. So what's the difference? Is it just because Ro is all for Sokeefe and Alden is really pushing for Sophitz? Have we really sunk low enough to the point where we can adore one character and hate another--despite performing the same actions--simply because of shipping preferences?

Everyone has decided to hate Alden because he showed up to speak with Keefe, ended up getting sidetracked and talking about relationships ( because of Ro, go figure ), sympathized with Keefe and shared meaningful advice from personal identical experiences, and then making sure Keefe knew that he considered him apart of the family.

That was what Alden did. And we have absolutely no reason to believe that Alden was anything but genuine when he stated that he "long considered him part of the family".

And yet Ro is the one who starts ranting about how "he didn't mean it" ( and saying something like that to a teenage boy who never felt loved by his father means a lot--but Ro has to ruin it and say that Alden's words were "a stinking load of garbage" ). Ro is the one whose objectification of the triangle by saying that Keefe being there for his friends is "sabotage" is what sparks Keefe to tell her that Sophie's feelings do matter. Ro is the one who interrupts every conversation by either stating her obnoxious opinion that nobody asked for, or calling a time out so she can bash on Fitz again. Ro is the one who has spent every waking moment since she arrived in the series either making Keefe's desire to be happy for his friends feel invalid, insulting Sophie because she's her own person with her own feelings for someone else, and coming up with every insult under the sun to throw at Fitz. Ro is the one who has no justification for her actions, seeing as she a) is not apart of this triangle, and b) has minimal relationship experience considering both her boyfriends hate her, and one was an arranged marriage.

But...Ro is also the loved and appreciated one.” - JaxTheShade (I’ve been paraphrasing some of the things that he’s said all ready, but I’m directly quoting him for this. His statement is direct and gets to the point)

~End of direct Quote~

I'd like to make one thing clear though - the point of selfishness. There's a stigma to the word that I'd like to clear up, because there are two types of selfishness, rational self-interest, and sacrificing others for yourself.

Fitz is the first type - he has a rational self-interest, he's looking out for himself and his own long-term happiness first. There is nothing wrong with that, if you won't look out for yourself, who will? It's why I completely supported Fitz yelling and breaking up with Sophie - if a relationship is making you unhappy long-term, it is in your best interest to break up with them. It's why Fitz was so adamant about finding Sophie's biological parents, he wanted to avoid future stigma, gossiping, and heckling. Fitz knows how horrible these things are to experience, and so sought to avoid them in the future. This is why Fitz is my favorite character - the others are reactive, Fitz seems to be the only proactive one. (One of the few characters in any literature to be proactive, in fact). While Sophie and the others look at the now and the immediate future, Fitz is concerned with the long-term future, a trait I share with him and one that I rarely see in literature whatsoever, to my vast disappointment.

Ro isn't selfish at all. She's much, much worse - she doesn't meddle in other's affairs for her own happiness, she just does because she can. She has no respect for other's privacy, and throws out insults towards Fitz and Sophie because she just does. She has no motive, impetus, or drive, she just does, and it sickens me.

The second type of selfishness is similar to a bully bullying others because they're miserable and it makes them feel good about themselves. It's horrible and malicious, and I'm not condoning it in any way, but its far more innocent (if bullying can be called innocent) then what Ro does.

Ro is malevolent, she doesn't do it because it makes her feel good, she just does it, with no regard with the relationships and lives she destroys in the process. She's a toxic radioactive waste dump of a person. A toxic waste dump doesn't make people sick and die for their own gain - it just does. That's how Ro is as a person.

Another reason is that she has no regard for what she says or does. She constantly tears Fitz down just because she can (I want Alden to be there next time she tries that. I want Alden to step in and tell her that what she is doing is not okay, because no other character has recognized this so far). I want Alden to be there next time she calls his son a nasty little microbe. I'd like to finally see Ro get some comeuppance for her terrible behavior.

Let's be honest with ourselves - Ro hates Fitz. She hates and complains and whines about how perfect he is. Since when has perfection been a crime? Since when is it up to her to decide the maximum amount of talent a person can have? As a perfectionist myself, I strive for perfection just as Fitz does. There is nothing wrong with striving to perfect yourself - there is if you are actively hurting yourself, but if you're naturally gifted like Fitz is, and you want to be the best you can possibly be, go ahead! Make the most of your innate talent and use it to seek your happiest future. Build & write your own happy ending.

She isn't a part of this relationship. She isn't affected by this relationship. She's actively impeding their ability to seek their own happiness, and not even for her own happiness (which is still horrid), she just does because she's "bored". Her repugnant behavior sickens me.

Ro is a textbook abuser. Let's go over a list of things an abuser does, and see to which characters she applies them to:

Name-Calling: The abuser will blatantly call the abused derogatory adjectives, like stupid or oblivious

We know she does this to Sophie, calling her oblivious. She also twists being perfect into a derogatory adjective, throwing it at Fitz. She also called Fitz a horrible little microbe, along with calling him & Keefe as stupid as amoeba.

Character Assassination: The abuser will use the word "always". You're always oblivious, stupid, late, wrong, etc.

She does this to Sophie, and also somewhat Fitz.

Patronizing: The abuser will be patronizing towards the abused

She does this to Sophie, Fitz, and Keefe.

Belittling: The abuser will belittle the abused

I'm pretty sure she does this to Sophie, Fitz, and Keefe.

Pushing Buttons: Once the abuser finds out what annoys the abused, they will do it nonstop.

Oh boy, does she do this to Keefe and Sophie. (Fitz just gets out of his way to ignore her and avoid her. It's why she's irritated by him, he hasn't opened himself to her and doesn't show flaws allowing her to find ways to sink her nasty manipulating fingers into him)

These are only a few signs of someone being an abuser, and yet Ro manages to hit pretty much all of them.

She gaslights Keefe into believing that Alden is only looking out for himself and his children - something we know to be completely wrong. She's driving a wedge between Keefe and Alden, one of the few other people Keefe respects and thinks looks out for him. The only other parental individual in Keefe's life, in fact, giving Ro total access to Keefe's psyche and making herself the only "true" source of information Keefe can trust. She is a horrible, horrible abuser.

Ro doesn't have benign intentions at heart. She doesn't even have selfish intentions at heart. She just meddles just because she can.

Ro isn’t selfish. She’s just a bad person - for a lack of a better term that would describe her repulsive behavior.

She constantly complains about the elves. Yes, elven culture is a little weird, but you don’t have to complain about it constantly and in-front of the elves.

Ro is also clearly not afraid to gaslight. She forces Keefe to believe that her opinions are the only valid ones. How does she do this? She says that "Blondie doesn't know what she feels," making Keefe think that any emotions he picks up from her are wrong. She says that Fitz is just "Captain Perfect" who doesn't really care about Sophie - that Keefe "deserves" her. She says that Alden's advice is just made up, and that he doesn't really care about him. She’s established herself as the only source of information that Keefe can trust. She’s removed Alden (the one other parental figure Keefe had) and established herself as the only person Keefe can trust. And that is very dangerous and highly abusive.

She even invalidates Keefe's emotions. Every time Keefe stands up to her and says something like "I'm just being a good friend," Ro responds (like any of this is her business) with something snarky. Or, she tells him to "stop being so afraid." And that forces Keefe to believe that his desire to help his friends isn't valid enough. That he isn't valid enough. So he comes crawling back to Ro.

She’s a terrible bodyguard. She threatens to not protect Keefe in Legacy if Sophie doesn’t share her secret with her. THAT IS NOT OK UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. SOPHIE DID NOT TRUST KEEFE WITH HER SECRET OF BEING UNMATCHABLE. RO EXTORTED IT OUT OF HER, USING KEEFE AS A LIE DETECTOR. THAT IS NOT OK; IT IS EVIL.

If you re-read the portion in Legacy where she does this, it reveals some truly horrible behavior.

Here’s another direct quote from JaxTheShade explaining why this part is so disgusting:

“Essentially, Ro is blackmailing Sophie.

Sophie just found out that if Keefe goes anywhere near the Neverseen, he will probably die. ( Because at this point, they just thought the legacy thing would kill him ). So she's desperately trying to get Keefe to make a promise and stay away from Gisela. Keefe, in typical fashion, adamantly states that he's not going to be locked up.

This is where Ro steps in.

She says that she will be the one to protect him and make sure he doesn't run off. ( Since she is his bodyguard ). But instead of just...doing her job...she decides that she can exploit the situation. She can get something out of this.

She figured out that Sophie is hiding something. And from the way she hasn't told anyone yet, Ro can assume that she's trying to keep it a secret. But she also knows that Keefe's safety is important to all of them.

So she threatens Keefe's life--yes, threatens--unless Sophie spills her secret. The situation becomes, "I have all the power here, so unless you tell me a confidential secret, I'll let my charge run off into danger, which you can't have. So I know that I've put you into a corner. I know that I've won here."

If this doesn't scream "manipulative abuser", then I don't know what does.

It's disgusting, really. Ro's behaviour is despicable.

And while her blatant blackmail is clearly the worst offense, she also sprinkled in several other "I'm a bad person" actions.

1) She said that the reason Keefe gets away with things is because she "doesn't care enough to fight him" on them. Well, if you don't care, then why don't you just go back to Ravagog? Because Keefe is the second most threatened person their group, and he needs an actual bodyguard, not a manipulative princess who makes him feel even worse about himself. If Keefe gets hurt when he runs off, did he get hurt because you "didn't care enough to bother"?

2) Ro says that she doesn't care that much about him. Well, thanks, Ro. I'm sure that really makes Keefe sleep soundly at night, knowing that you don't really care about him.

3) And why does she not really care about him? Because she only bothers with Keefe as long as he doesn't make her "look bad". She says that the reason she's stopping him this time is because it'll damage her reputation if he dies. You know, instead of being worried about his life.

4) She says "I enjoy meddling". And that's her excuse for blackmailing Sophie into spilling a confidential secret. And yet she has the audacity to accuse Alden of "meddling" while here she sits, admitting it to everyone and acting like it's not a big deal.

5) Her very last line in the quote just further proves that she's just doing this to get Sokeefe to happen. Instead of feeling remorse for Sophie, who is trying not to look at them and clearly uncomfortable, she just brushes off the secret that she just forced out of her by saying that "it should do the trick". The trick being 'getting Fitz to break up with her'.

This is probably Ro's most egregious act yet.

And yet nobody ever seems to call her out for it or even think that...it's a little weird that she would do this.

But I guess it really isn't weird at all, seeing as we've have evidence in the past that proves she would stoop to this level.” - JaxTheShade

That part in Unlocked where Shannon said that (deeeeeeeeeeeep down) Ro cares about Keefe? Well, it’s ooc. Look what Ro says in Legacy: "I may not care that much about what happens to you, but if you get yourself killed on my watch, it makes me look bad—especially if I had advance notice. So, I can’t have that."

Re-read that portion in Legacy. Alarm bells should be going off in your head.

She reminds me of the villain Ellsworth Monkton Toohey from The Fountainhead. Do you know what he did? He turned people into slaves by establishing psychological power over them and making them miserable. By killing their wants, needs, desires, and happiness, he turned people into miserable slaves who would obey his every order. And the scary part? Ro uses the exact. same. tactics. that he does (not going to list them here, that would take far too long) on Fitz, Sophie, and Keefe. And Keefe almost perfectly resembles the characters who fall for his manipulations and tactics, while Sophie and Fitz resemble the characters who ignored him and went about their business. It’s really unnerving.

Everyone is entitled to seek their own happiness - as long as their actions don't impede others from seeking their own happiness.

Ro actively impedes Sophie, Fitz, and Keefe's pursuit of their own happiness, doing it for no other reason than the fact that she's bored. It sickens me.

And the fact that Fitz is basically demonized and hated by the fandom while praising Ro is what sickens me the most.

Ro manipulates, gaslights, and abuses Sophie, Keefe, and Fitz for her own fun. She doesn't have any long term goal, just destroying their psyche and impeding their ability to find their own happiness for short term amusement. She mocks Fitz for being trying to be perfect (since when has that been a crime?), she gaslights and Objectifies Sophie, mocks Keefe and openly abuses him, and interferes with their relationships because she finds it funny. She's also a misandrist. She calls Fitz a nasty little microbe (I want Alden and Della there next time she does that). She objectifies Sophie as a trophy for Fitz and Sophie to fight over. She constantly tears down Fitz and Sophie, and uses a number of tactics abusers use in real life on Fitz, Sophie, and Keefe. She is a radioactive toxic waste-dump of a person, ruining their lives and psyches not even for her own gain, but just for her own amusement. Her further abuse of Keefe is repugnant, her objectification of Sophie is disgusting, and her mocking and bullying of Fitz makes me want to puke. She's a terrible, terrible person.

And that is why I hate Ro.

#kotlc #kotlc ro #ugh I hate Ro #Ro Hate #kotlc discourse

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winter-soldier-vibes · 4 years ago

Text

But words can never hurt me... (Sebastian Stan x reader)

Sebastian Stan x depressed reader

Warnings: negative self image, self harm, worthlessness

Word count: 2386

Summary: Reader is an actress alongside Sebastian. She knows how cruel the media can be, but sometimes it just gets to be too much for her.

-------------

It had been a problem for longer than you’d like to admit. Your entire life you had to deal with negative feedback from various groups of people. When you were growing up, it was from your family. In school, it was all your peers. And now, it was the media.

You had been an actress since you were in middle school. It was one of the only things that made you happy. Ironically, you felt the most like yourself when you were trying to portray a character. Something about it made you feel alive. You fell in love.

But despite your acting skills and your passion for the job, the media was absolutely relentless. Telling you all the microscopic things you did wrong or ways you offended people. It was funny sometimes, the things they would come up with to make a headline. But most of the time their words, true or not, cut deep with you.

Back when you were at school and you had bullies to deal with, you turned to the blade to help you numb the pain. This too, made you feel alive. You felt like you were finally doing something right, like you were fixing the problem that was yourself by hurting yourself. It started in places that were easier to hide, your torso and upper thighs. But as time went on, you moved down to your wrists.

Now, years later, you still struggled to put down the knives and razors. It was a battle you fought every damn day. No one really knew about it; as long as your makeup artists could hide it, it was no big deal to anyone. You’d tell them it was from a long time ago.

You had landed a role in the new Avengers Infinity War movie, and you were beyond excited. You got to meet some of your acting idols, the people who inspired you to pursue acting as a career. You were quickly taken under their wing, seeing as you were one of the youngest on set. Most of all Sebastian.

He was impressed by the way you handled what came along with being in the business. The media, finishing school on your own, the inevitable rejection that comes with being an actress - he didn’t think he could’ve handled it that well at your age.

He quickly became like your on-set dad. You didn’t mind this at all, in fact you cherished it. You and your dad had never been close, but you never really complained. He wasn’t mean to you at all, just distant. It was nice to have someone fill that role, even if it had to wait until now.

He never knew about your little secret. On set the makeup artists worked wonders doing cover ups, and off set you were always in some sort of cardigan. The rest of the cast would often give you shit for it, since it was Atlanta, or as Downey and Evans liked to call it, “hotlanta”. You would go along with it, always claiming that you ran cold. No one batted an eye.

Things had certainly gotten better when you joined the cast and became a part of a new family. But that didn’t stop the negative feelings from creeping in or the thoughts from running marathons in your head. And it certainly didn’t stop the media.

You always tried your best to avoid the headlines, but there were some days you couldn’t help yourself. You would think “I’ll just read this one,” only to find yourself still scrolling down a rabbit hole hours later with a tear-streaked face.

Tonight was one of these nights.

You were in your trailer, sitting on your bed. One hand held your phone, and the other you rested your head in with your elbow on your knee. Some of the articles made you laugh. Is this some kind of joke? But others would hit you harder.

‘Nobody’ gets role in new Avengers movie

Who even is this chick?

Why is she even here?

You didn’t want to keep reading, but something in your mind egged you on. You kept scrolling only to find your eyes pricking with tears. You just let them fall. It wasn’t like anyone was going to see them. You were done for the night.

You keep reading until you can’t take it anymore. These freaking reporters… Do they have any idea how much words can hurt a person? No. They don’t. Frustrated, you toss your phone on the bed you were sitting on and put your head in your hands, unable to stop yourself from shaking.

You were at a crossroads in your mind right now. You knew exactly how you could help this whole situation, but you really wanted to be stronger than the urge.

Just fucking get over yourself

It's just words. They don't know you, get a grip

No one loves you. You’re a nobody who got lucky

No one would notice. No one would care.

Just do it you bastard!

You stood up and went over into your bathroom, closing it and locking it behind you. Force of habit. You pulled out a box from its hiding place and opened it: razors and bandaids. It was all you needed.

You rolled your sleeves up and clutched a blade between your fingers, toying with it for a few moments. Did you actually want to do this?

An image of the articles pops into the forefront of your mind. You try to shake it out.

Absolutely.

You press the blade into your wrist and swipe it across, blood beading to the surface almost instantly. You felt it sting as the air greeted your open wound, but it wasn’t enough. Not yet at least. You repeated your actions, stopping when the numbness started to kick in.

You took a deep breath and tilted your head back, dropping the blade on the ground with a clink. You looked back to your wrist - blood was dripping down and pooling in your hand, but you didn’t care. You just wanted to breathe in the peace for a few moments.

What you didn’t know was that this whole time Sebastian had been texting you. You had left your phone on your bed and was silent, so you missed his calls and texts. They started out innocently enough, asking if you wanted to grab dinner with him and some of the others. You were usually quick to respond, so he was a little curious why you hadn’t gotten back to him after 5 minutes. He decided to try and call you

Voicemail.

Now that's surprising. He had never known you to miss a call, you even sometimes would rant about it waking you up in the middle of the night. He texted you again

Hey. are you okay? Why aren’t you answering?

He knew you could’ve just fallen asleep, but he had a feeling in the pit of his stomach that he hated. After a few more texts and unanswered calls later, he decided to come check on you.

He knocked on your trailer door, but there was no answer. He knocked a little harder. “Y/n? You in there?”

You couldn’t hear him through the doors and due to the blissful peace you were feeling. He let himself in, taking in how you weren’t there. But then he noticed your phone on your bed, notifications lighting it up. His eyes then fell on the bathroom door, which was shut.

He made his way over to that door and knocked again. “You okay in there?” he asked, you gasped. How did he get in? Why was he even here. You looked around at the scene. The blood was drying on your arm, and the blade sat next to you, dried blood also on the floor. How long have I been sitting here?

He spoke again, taking you out of your thoughts. “Y/n?” You could hear worry filling his voice and you cleared your throat, moving to stand. “Yep! Just give me a second…” you said as you scurried to clean up the mess you had made. You flushed bloody napkins down the toilet and cleaned off the blade and your arm before tugging your sleeve over in and opening the door.

He smiled at you, and then worry overtook his features as he looked at your eyes. “Are you okay?” he asked.

You crossed your arms and walked around him. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

He sighed as you sat down on your bed and he leaned against the doorframe to the bathroom. “Well, I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for the past 30 minutes, and your phone was out here. Which leads me to assume you were in there,” he tilted his head back to the bathroom, “for longer than that. And you’re not wet so you weren’t taking a long shower.”

You fiddled with the ends of your sleeves. “Very observant, Seb,” you said, avoiding eye contact.

He crossed his arms and looked at you. “You wanna tell me what’s wrong?” he asked.

You looked up at him and put on a fake smile. “Nothing’s wrong Seb.”

He looked at you, unconvinced. You looked back down at your arms and noticed that blood was starting to spot your sleeve, and you started panicking. You quickly crossed your arms over your chest again, praying he hadn’t noticed something.

But he had followed your gaze and saw something on your sleeve right before you covered it up he pushed himself off of the door frame and came to sit next to you. “Y/n?”

“What?” you asked innocently, not liking where this conversation was going to end up.

“Can I see your hands?” he asked gently.

You widen your eyes at him and crossed your arms even more tightly. “What? No - what are you on about?”

He asked softly “What are you hiding?”

You shook your head. “N-nothing.”

“Then let me see your hands,” he said, holding out his own for you to take.

You shook your head. “Please Seb -”

“Y/n.” he said with adamacy and you knew there was no way to talk him out of this.

Sighing, you shake your head and stand. “I can’t…” you say softly.

He stands up and puts a hand on your shoulder. Your eyes had started tearing up again, and he took note of this. Something was seriously wrong and he was going to get to the bottom of it. He ran his hands down your arms to your elbows, and looked you in the eye. You felt safe with him. Looking down, you drop your arms down, letting him take one in each hand.

He practically froze when he saw blood. He had some ideas but he had hoped he was wrong. Tugging up your sleeve, he saw the new cuts along with some older scabs and breathed in sharply. He looked back at your face and the tears that were making their way down your cheeks. “Y/n…”

You started crying harder, and he quickly wrapped his arms around you. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

You shrugged. “It’s not exactly easy to talk about, Seb.”

He sighed, afraid to ask his next question. “How long has this been going on for?”

You shook your head against his chest. “A few years.”

Sebastian now felt tears pricking his own eyes. You had always been so strong, all the time, for everyone he had no idea you were hurting, nonetheless hurting this badly. And you never said anything to anyone. “I’m sorry,” he said.

You pulled back, confused. “What? No, it’s not your fault.I’m the one who did this to myself, there’s nothing anyone could have done. I guess that’s why I don’t talk about it. Like it either happens and no one knows about it or people are worried and they get disappointed that you’ve done it again.”

He shook his head. “That’s not true, hun. We all care about you so much, especially me. I just felt like I could have done something, said something, just been there in some way. What brings you to do this to yourself?”

You rubbed a hand over your face. “It’s literally so stupid.”

“Y/n, look at me.” you met his gaze. “There is nothing you could say right now that wil sound stupid. If it’s making you want to hurt yourself like this, then it’s obviously important to you.”

You let out a shaky breath before grabbing your phone and unlocking it, showing Sebastian the page you had just been on, with the worst article in the collection. He looked at it for a few moments, before his expression softened even more and he wrapped his arms around you protectively again.

“You know they make money to make us look bad, right?”

You nodded against him. “I know.”

He sighed. “Doesn’t make it hurt any less though, does it?”

You nodded again. “Yeah. whoever said “sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me” was either naive or deaf.

The two of you laughed a little for a few seconds. Sebastian said, “You know you can always talk to me, don’t you?”

You took a deep breath and let it out. “It’s just not a problem you should have to deal with -”

“Y/n.” he pulled back and looked at you again. “I don’t care where I am, or what time of day it is. You ever feel like this, you can call me or text me. I’ll always be here for you.”

You shook your head at him. “Why are you so nice to me?”

He gave you a half smile. “Because you’re so nice to everyone else. You're an amazing person who has so much ahead of them. It’s hard to think a person could not be nice to you.”

You laughed dryly. “Tell that to my entire hometown.”

He smiled sadly and tightened his grip on you. “Please let me know if you ever feel like this again.”

You nodded a little. “I will.”

“You sure about that?”

You nodded again, smiling a little to yourself. “Yeah. I am.”

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian x reader #sebastian stan imagine #tw self harm #tw self hate #fanfiction

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comic-book-jawns · 4 years ago

Text

Like Her

One year later, and Dani still found herself helplessly staring at her overall-clad girlfriend. Normally, Jamie dressed up a bit more for work, but she’d recently instituted “causal Fridays”, mostly as an excuse to not have to do laundry as often. And Dani certainly wasn’t complaining.

Jamie looked especially cute at the moment because she had multiple smudges of dirt on her face: one by her eyebrow, another on her cheek, a third on her nose and the most recent addition on her chin. They were entirely self-inflicted, of course. Jamie had a rather bad habit of touching her face — especially, ironically, when she was tending to her plants.

Dani still didn’t fully comprehend everything that went into caring for the plants, which only made Dani even more in awe of her. So, when things were slow, Dani would just stand behind the counter and watch her be in her element.

Unfortunately for Dani, two customers, a woman and her teenage daughter it seemed, had just walked in. For the moment, they appeared to be browsing, but Dani still had a job to do. And loathe as she was to do it, she didn’t want Jamie to be embarrassed in front of the customers, so she walked over to her now, wet paper towel in hand.

“Hey,” Jamie said, grinning.

She made a few finishing touches on the plant and then turned to face Dani, who couldn’t help her smile widening as she took in Jamie’s face up-close. Jamie had apparently smudged her other cheek in the few moments Dani had looked away to grab the paper towel, which she raised now in a display of incredible willpower.

“C’mere.”

Holding Jamie’s head steady, Dani gently got to work. She could see Jamie blush even under the dirt.

“Oh... ” Jamie laughed awkwardly. “Thanks.”

Dani bit her lip to keep from giggling. This was not the first time she’d done this, but Jamie still got adorably flustered every time.

“Mom! Do we have to do this right now?”

The duo had been bickering since they’d walked in, but it had been passive-aggressive enough for Dani to be able to tune out. Now, evidently, that would no longer be the case. Dani saw her own discomfort mirrored on Jamie’s face, but neither of them looked over.

“You’re going to college.”

“Why?! I don’t need to to get a job!”

“Yes, you do. To get a respectable job.”

“What does that even mean?!”

“Lower your voice.”

In her periphery, Dani saw the woman glance over at them. Having worked her way down, Dani was now wiping Jamie’s chin.

“You’re the one who started this!”

“Because you need to hear it. If you don’t go to college, you’ll end up... like her.”

The last bit had been said as a stage whisper at best, and the woman’s voice was so grating that it carried quite far across the room.

Dani immediately felt Jamie tense up. Her cheeks turned from pink to red, and her gaze plummeted to the floor.

“Jamie?” Dani whispered, not wanting to draw any more attention to her but desperate to help her.

But Jamie stepped back, clearing her throat.

“Thanks, Poppins. I’ll just, uh, get back to it, then.”

She cleared her throat again and turned around to work on a new plant. Dani, letting the anger she’d felt instantaneously boil to the surface now, turned to their customers as she squeezed the paper towel in her clenched fist.

“What did you say?”

The woman glanced over.

“Oh, I wasn’t talking about you, dear.”

Then, she turned back to her daughter. Dani felt her face flush.

“This woman right here is the reason this place exists. I’m not her boss. She’s mine.”

“Dani - ”

Dani had seen Jamie turn back around out of the corner of her eye. Dani reached for Jamie’s hand without taking her steely gaze off the woman, squeezed it and pressed on before Jamie could object further.

“All of this.” Dani gestured broadly with her other hand. “All of this beauty. It’s all her. And it is a privilege that you get to see it!” Dani took a breath to steady herself. “And maybe you should try listening to your daughter, instead of assuming you know better. Because if she ends up anything like Jamie... she will be better for it.”

The woman looked dumbstruck at first, then outraged. But just as she went to speak, her daughter cut her off.

“We were just leaving.”

The woman turned to her, scoffing.

“You’ve made your point, Mom. Please, can we go?”

The woman turned back to Dani, harrumphed, then turned around and stormed out. Her daughter followed but glanced back when she reached the door, trying for an apologetic smile, it seemed. Dani knew it well. It had become muscle memory to her growing up. The girl looked like she wanted to say something, but then she turned back and walked out.

Dani exhaled, frustrated but relieved. Then, she turned to Jamie and felt her face fall. Jamie was crying softly.

“Oh, honey, I’m so - ”

Just then, the door reopened. Dani swung around to give the woman another piece of her mind.

“Oh, sorry. I can - I can come back.”

It was a different, apparently more empathetic, woman.

“No.” Jamie cleared her throat and turned inward toward Dani so the woman couldn’t see her face as she wiped it. “Can you... ”

“Yeah... of course. Are you - ”

“I’ll be in the back room if you need me.”

“Okay.”

Jamie squeezed her hand, then released it and walked away. Dani plastered on a smile.

“How can I help you, miss?”

*****

Unfortunately customers just kept coming after that. Admittedly, it was strange to view that as a problem as a business owner, but Dani was itching to check on Jamie. She also knew, though, that Jamie would be more embarrassed if Dani held up their customers or even turned them away on her account. So, Dani pushed through.

Finally, about an hour later, they hit a lull. Without a second thought, Dani locked the doors and flipped the sign and slowly opened the door to the back room.

“Sounded busy out there.”

Jamie didn’t look over and continued doing inventory. She didn’t seem to be actively crying anymore, though.

“Yeah.” Dani walked in and closed the door behind her. “I’m sorry I would’ve come soon, but - ”

“No, I’m sorry for leavin’ ya to handle it on your own.”

“Jay... ”

“Won’t happen again.”

Dani sighed and walked over to her.

“You know that’s not why I came in here.”

“No?” Jamie finally looked up from her clipboard, smirking. She raised an eyebrow. “What’d ya have in mind, then?”

Dani tried and completely failed to keep a straight face and could feel her cheeks roasting. Jamie laughed and then looked away again and got back to work.

“I don’t care what that twat said.”

“Jamie... ”

“Sorry, WASP.”

“Jamie!”

Dani tried to say it firmly couldn’t help laughing a bit. She saw Jamie smile briefly.

“Okay, maybe I do... a little... But that’s not... ” Jamie sighed, put the clipboard down on the counter and looked back over. “I was cryin’ ’cause ah what you said.”

“Oh.”

Dani wanted to facepalm. She should’ve known. Granted, most people would react more emotionally to scorn than support. But Jamie wasn’t most people.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to worry ya.”

Jamie was blushing again. She looked down. Dani stepped closer and rubbed her back.

“No, no. It’s okay.”

“Thank you, by the way.”

Dani smiled.

“I was just stating facts.”

“Dani!”

Jamie whipped her head back up. Dani’s hand froze on her back.

“What... Oh, sorry!”

Jamie’s eyes were still red-rimmed, and Dani could see now that new tears were starting to glisten. Dani pulled her in for a hug.

“I’m sorry!”

Jamie laughed shakily.

“I won’t say anything else for the rest of the day, I promise.”

Jamie laughed harder, then sighed.

“I love you.”

Dani smiled as she cradled Jamie’s head and rubbed her back. It had been a couple weeks since Jamie had said it for the first time, but Dani could tell she was still getting used to it. She usually said it once a day now, right after they would turn off the lights to go to sleep. It was becoming her routine, and Dani was so proud of her.

She’d even heard Jamie say it in her sleep a few times, too, and felt her heart burst out of her chest. This was the first time Jamie was spontaneously saying it while she was awake, though — the first time since that first day, at least. She’d said it quite a few times that day.

As her smile widened, Dani breathed in and then remembered what she’d just said.

“You can say it back.”

Dani giggled.

“I love you, Jay.”

Dani felt Jamie smile into her shoulder, then pull back.

“Are you okay?”

Dani cocked her head.

“I just - what ya said. Wasn’t all about me, right?”

Dani just stared at her for a moment and then raised her eyebrows. Even in the midst of her own emotional turmoil, Jamie had picked up on something she herself had already forgotten.

“I - yeah, but I’m fine. It was... it was kinda cathartic, actually.”

“Yeah?”

Dani laughed humorlessly.

“Closest I’ll ever get to confronting my mother.”

“Doesn’t have to be.”

Dani gaped at her.

Dani had told her everything there was to know about her mother. And Dani hadn’t even talked to her mother in nearly year, not since she’d mentioned Jamie during a phone call.

She hadn’t even had the chance to fully explain who Jamie was to her before her mother’s tone had caused her to slam the phone back on the hook. And here Jamie was offering to meet her, full well knowing what that would entail.

Dani shook her head.

“I could never put you through that.”

“I don’t mind.”

Dani smiled and cupped Jamie’s face.

“I do.”

“All right... but if ya change your mind - ”

“Thank you.”

Jamie smiled, then laughed.

“So should we reopen, or?”

It was early afternoon still. Dani laughed.

“Right... Are you - ”

“Thanks to you.”

Dani smile’s widened. She leaned up on her tiptoes to kiss Jamie’s forehead, then took her hands off Jamie’s blushing cheeks.

“Wait, what if we stayed closed... a little longer?”

Jamie’s smirked returned as she raised an eyebrow.

“Poppins... ”

Dani rolled her eyes.

“I meant to go get ice cream.”

“Oh.” Jamie’s face lit up. “Yeah, all right.”

Dani beamed, took Jamie’s hand, turned around and walked back into the main room.

“Can I get sprinkles?”

Dani scoffed as she grabbed her purse off the coat rack.

“What?”

“It’s offensive that you felt the need to ask.”

Jamie giggled, then kissed Dani’s shoulder.

“Sorry, Poppins.”

Dani sighed.

“You’re lucky I’m not crying right now.”

Dani once again failed to keep a straight face. Jamie stopped dead in her tracks.

“Oi!”

Giggling, Dani released her hand and ran out the door. Jamie followed a few steps behind.

“Just for that I’m makin’ mine a double!”

32 notes · View notes

thisaliennerd · 4 years ago

Note

can you please elaborate on why you think kurt is the toxic abusive one in the klaine relationship? maybe i’m biased but i don’t see it.

Yes, I absolutely can, thank you for asking! I’ll start with the basic points and then I’ll elaborate with examples under the cut in case y’all don’t feel like reading an actual essay today. (I’ve also put the link to the google doc in my linktree in my bio which might be a more accessible way to read this as it is a 25 page essay)

Kurt takes every opportunity to tear Blaine down and takes advantage of Blaine’s compulsive need to help/build up the people he loves, to ensure that he has as much power over Blaine as possible

He refuses to talk about problems in the relationship (of which there are many) when they arise, sometimes actively shutting Blaine down when he tries to talk about it, but gets angry when the problems worsen, accuses Blaine of pulling away, and puts the emotional burden on him

He refuses to acknowledge his own fault in ANYTHING, both in his relationship with Blaine and in his other relationships

When they aren’t together, Kurt drags Blaine along, sabotages and undermines Blaine’s relationships, and refuses to allow him to move on, all while actively pursuing other relationships himself, ensuring that Blaine is always there as a fallback plan

He is INCREDIBLY jealous, even before he had any reason to think that Blaine would cheat, despite Blaine repeatedly shutting down people’s (read: Sebastian’s) advances, and Kurt frequently flirting with and playing into people flirting him while dating Blaine

He says he loves Blaine, but he also implies that if anyone else came along that could make him feel the same way, he would leave

He is rarely supportive of Blaine in general, especially if he isn’t doing something that could potentially help Kurt, in contrast to Blaine being pretty relentlessly supportive of Kurt in everything he does

He holds the things that Blaine’s done wrong in their relationship over his head, even after claiming to forgive him

He’s just pretty selfish and narcissistic in general

So, let’s go deeper into it, these are complicated and nuanced issues, and I’m sure you need more evidence than just some bullet points, especially for such a popular ship.

Power Dynamics

Let’s start by analyzing the power dynamics between Blaine and Kurt throughout the show and how it affects their relationship. When we meet Blaine in season 2 episode 6, Kurt is in an incredibly vulnerable place, dealing with intense bullying and homophobia at school. Blaine, despite only being (presumably) fifteen and a sophomore, is astoundingly poised and confident. This is where we see Blaine at his happiest. He seems very sure of himself, and this stands in stark contrast to Kurt. Upon seeing this in Kurt, Blaine quickly opens up, sharing that he had a similar experience not too long ago. He gives Kurt advice, encouraging him not to give up and to have courage, building Kurt up. He even comes to McKinley, seemingly during school hours, to confront Karofsky with Kurt. Throughout this, he is calm, comforting, and continues to build Kurt up as best he can. This behavior continues from Blaine as the season continues. Once Kurt transfers to Dalton, Blaine is in a minor position of power as the lead singer of the Warblers, however, he routinely uses this power to keep building Kurt up. He laughs at Kurt’s jokes (s2e9), gives him advice on how to integrate into the new environment (s2e9), and even gets him a lead in a song for Regionals (s2e16). However, when Kurt transfers to Dalton, we begin to see a different side of him. He becomes exceptionally bitter and jealous of Blaine. We see him getting upset over Blaine getting solos in multiple episodes (s2e9, s2e16), despite how kind and accommodating Blaine has been. He openly criticizes Blaine’s performances, saying that they’re all the same (s2e16), and this marks the first example of Kurt tearing Blaine down. Blaine gives up the opportunity for another solo and risks his position by standing up to the Warblers and telling them he wants to sing a duet with Kurt (s2e16). Kurt is also very dismissive of Blaine’s identity struggles. The first and most notable example of this being in season 2 episode 14. Blaine questions whether he might be bisexual and Kurt is not only biphobic but also dismisses Blaine’s crisis. He tries to dictate Blaine’s identity and is passive-aggressive and bitter for the rest of the episode. We get several more examples of this early in season 3.

In season 3 episode 1, Kurt pressures Blaine to transfer to McKinley, even saying that he was being passive-aggressive, something we’ll see Kurt do often in arguments going forward. Although he maintains a playful tone of voice, it’s very clear that he isn’t joking. Blaine expresses concerns about leaving his friends, and Kurt implies that he isn’t sure that their new relationship can survive if he doesn’t come to WMHS, stopping just shy of actually putting the ultimatum out there, but certainly implying it. Blaine decides to transfer, a move that not only screams codependency but also further brings Blaine down. Kurt is back in his element, he’s a senior, this is his school, whereas Blaine is now a newbie as a junior, abandoning his role as lead of the Warblers for Kurt. And although Blaine initially claims that he came for him, it’s obvious that that isn’t the case, and Blaine confirms that he did it for Kurt later (s4e3, s4e7). In episode 2, Kurt works to further limit Blaine by convincing him not to audition for Tony. Here we see an example of Kurt’s manipulation. He never explicitly tells Blaine not to audition, but just makes passive-aggressive comments until Blaine decides not to audition, asserting his power over him. Again, Blaine is giving up opportunities in order to maintain his relationship with Kurt. Blaine even hesitates to read for Tony when directly asked, because he’s worried about how Kurt will react. And sure enough, Kurt is visibly upset when Blaine’s asked, and while it’s reasonable that he would be disappointed, he shouldn’t have put that on Blaine at all. We see the culmination of this little storyline at the beginning of episode 3, and on first watch, this seems like a sweet scene. Kurt congratulates Blaine for getting Tony, gives him flowers, and says he’s proud of him. However, it’s in Blaine’s reaction that we see the problem. He says, “You always zig when I think you’re about to zag, and I love that about you,” and again, this almost seems sweet, but the undertones of that comment are that Blaine didn’t think that Kurt would be supportive. He was genuinely worried that his boyfriend wouldn’t support him getting the lead in the musical. We see that throughout season 3, Blaine struggles in the New Directions. He tries to fit in, but the group is immediately antagonistic towards him, refusing to listen to his ideas. Kurt says nothing about this, even when it comes from Finn. He doesn’t call them out, he doesn’t even comfort Blaine about it. They spend most of this season pretty equal, but this isn’t enough for Kurt, as he gets his NYADA audition and begins to rise in status, he also continues to tear down Blaine. Flashing forward to episode 17, we see a lot of issues come to the surface here, which will come back later, but we also see more of Kurt tearing down Blaine. Kurt says that it’s hard being Blaine’s boyfriend because he’s “an Alpha gay”. He complains that he doesn’t get solos, implying that it’s Blaine’s fault, even blatantly lying by saying that he used to get solos every week. He manipulates Blaine, putting the fault on him, refusing to apologize for his actions, only apologizing for how it made Blaine feel. Eventually, Blaine is the one forced to apologize. This conversation is especially interesting in comparison to their conversation in season 5 episode 16, but we’ll come back to that. First, let’s talk about season 4.

In season 4 episode 1, their power dynamic has shifted yet again, Kurt got rejected from NYADA and Blaine was a senior and lead singer again. Kurt is clearly uncomfortable with this, but Blaine just continues to lift up Kurt. He tells him to New York and gives Kurt the confidence he needs to follow his dreams. Here’s where their relationship begins to fall apart. Now that Kurt is in New York, he immediately encounters success at Vogue, and as soon as he does, he pulls away from Blaine. He is now way above Blaine, and Kurt doesn’t need him anymore. He feels like Blaine is only limiting him. He prioritizes his success and career over Blaine, which is of course, fine when he does it, but not fine when Blaine does it. He actively ignores Blaine, not just to do his work, but also just to gossip and chat with his coworkers (s4e3), even when he knew that it was an important night for Blaine. He minimizes Blaine’s concerns and successes, talking over him and constantly pivoting the conversation back to himself (s4e3). Then, of course, comes the breakup in episode 4. Blaine explains that he did what he did because he felt that Kurt was moving on. Now of course this doesn’t justify what Blaine did, but throughout all the conversations about this incident, Kurt never acknowledges that he had any part in what happened, again putting one hundred percent of the burden on Blaine (s4e4). This continues throughout the season. Blaine constantly has to apologize, but Kurt never has to, because everything wrong with the relationship prior to Blaine cheating gets ignored. The breakup destroys Blaine’s self-esteem, and it becomes very evident that Blaine doesn't know who he is without Kurt. Kurt has successfully taken a very confident young man, made him dependent on him, and then not only left him but ghosted him (s4e8), completely wrecking him. He purposely didn’t forgive Blaine to hurt him (s4e8). It's Blaine’s senior year, he's finally made it back to where he was in season 2, and now he's not even able to play the lead in the musical. Blaine has hit rock bottom, and just as he starts to recover, getting a crush on Sam, becoming closer with Tina, gaining some self-respect and confidence back, Kurt reenters Blaine’s life. We’ll talk about this more later, but Kurt decides to lead Blaine on, keeping him dependent on Kurt, not allowing him to move on (s4e8, s4e14). For example, he calls Blaine right before he’s about to perform at sectionals only to remind him that he still hasn’t forgiven him, and tells him that they can see each other at Christmas, even though he decides not to go back for Christmas not two episodes later (s4e8, s4e10). Then he hooks up with Blaine at Will’s wedding, even though he doesn’t want to get back together and he knows how Blaine feels about him (s4e14). This continues for the rest of the season. At this point, Kurt holds all the power over Blaine. He is not only successful in the outside world, working at Vogue and going to NYADA, but he has also destroyed Blaine’s self-confidence and ensured that Blaine is dependent on Kurt. On to season 5.

In season 5 episode 1, we get the reunion. This scene is another scene like the Lima Bean scene in season 3. It seems cute and romantic, Kurt plays it in a playful way, but in a closer analysis, it becomes more insidious. Blaine begs Kurt to get back with him, and he talks about how they’ve effectively been dating for weeks. At the end of the scene, Kurt reveals that he intended to say yes the whole time, as he had prepared a song, but before he says yes, he puts Blaine through some more manipulative games. Kurt keeps his voice light, but Blaine is very earnest, clearly taking it to heart. Blaine asks Kurt to be his boyfriend again, and Kurt says he doesn’t think it’ll work, because last time, Blaine cheated. Blaine gets very upset, saying that they’ve been over this and that he’ll “never ever cheat on [Kurt] again”. Kurt says that he wants Blaine to sign a contract, and Blaine says that he’ll sign anything as long as Kurt will get back together with him. These lines are interesting because Kurt sounds like he’s joking, but Blaine absolutely doesn’t. He is so desperate to get Kurt back, and Kurt, who again, has already decided to get back with Blaine, is dragging this out and holding the cheating over Blaine’s head. But Kurt still doesn’t let it go. He says that he’s not even sure if relationships work, requiring Blaine to keep begging. Finally, he agrees to get back together, but it’s clear in this scene that Kurt enjoys having this power over Blaine, and he likes making Blaine beg for forgiveness. He made him do so for the entirety of season 4. I’ll talk more about the proposal later, but here I would like to point out that the use of All You Need is Love is interesting, because there is much more to a functional relationship, but generally, these two seem to ignore this because they love each other. They spend the first half of season 5 separate and don’t interact often, however, when they do talk, it is still clear that Kurt, as an adult out in the world, holds supremacy over Blaine, and when they do talk, Kurt often belittles Blaine’s high school problems in favor of talking about his own, insulting Blaine and then pivoting the conversation to him as soon as he can (s5e7). In fact, Kurt is so unsupportive that Blaine has to make a puppet version of him just to get validation and forgiveness (s5e7). We even see Kurt controlling what Blaine wears multiple times (s5e6, s5e14). Blaine has been built up more from season 4, but this is only because he’s back with Kurt, again reinforcing his dependence on Kurt. The next major conflict in their relationship comes in episode 14. Blaine has just moved to New York and in with Kurt. Their new power dynamic is solidifying. Blaine is adjusting to a big change, and he's struggling with it. He's trying his best to be with Kurt in this new environment, but he’s not sure how to handle it. He’s intimidated by how sure of himself Kurt is and just wants to find a place for himself in Kurt’s life. His solution is to try and do things for Kurt. It worked in high school, but here, it only pushes Kurt away further. Kurt feels suffocated by Blaine, but he openly lies to Blaine about it, refusing to address it until it reaches a boiling point (which he does often). Desperate, Blaine tries to carve out a place in the apartment for himself, but Kurt hates this. He becomes aggressive, claiming that the apartment is his, and not theirs and that Blaine shouldn’t be making changes. At the end of the episode, Blaine is the one who suggests the solution of him moving out, pointing out that they never had a conversation about him moving in in the first place. During this conversation, Blaine is very earnest again, constantly reassuring Kurt that he doesn’t want to break up, and is physically very intense, trying to make eye contact, moving to connect with Kurt, and initiating a hug, while Kurt feels completely detached, avoiding eye contact, keeping his voice monotone, and looking pretty disinterested. Sidenote: In this episode, Kurt also demands that Blaine ask Sam to move out even though he’s the one who wants him gone in the first place.

But the most compelling evidence comes in episode 16. Blaine has been in the city for a little while now but is still struggling to find himself. He’s started gaining some weight from comfort eating and he’s insecure about it. In this episode, the textual focus is actually on the change in their power dynamic, so here is where it’s most obvious. Blaine feels uncomfortable with Kurt being hit on by other men, but it’s shown that Kurt isn’t shutting these advances down at all. Blaine feels distinctly inferior to Kurt, and it’s fueling his insecurities. Kurt notices that Blaine’s insecure, but decides not to talk to him about it. Instead, he repeatedly comments on the food that Blaine’s eating, reinforcing Blaine’s insecurities about his weight, and tearing Blaine down further. There’s also an interesting scene in this episode where Kurt, Blaine, Artie, and Sam are all out getting dinner together, and Sam asks about a free clinic to get tested for STDs. Kurt answers and then throws in a comment about the time Blaine cheated. This visibly upsets Blaine, but he also seems annoyed by the comment. It’s wholly unnecessary and doesn’t add anything to the conversation, all it does is make Blaine feel bad. This is the second time this season we’ve seen Kurt bring this up for no reason and the casualness of the comment coupled with Blaine’s reaction implies that this may be something he brings up frequently. At this point, Blaine has again been brought low, the confidence he had temporarily built backup is gone because it was all based on Kurt. Kurt is at least somewhat aware of this but still doesn’t talk to Blaine about it. He halfheartedly reassures Blaine about his body (a surface symptom of the deeper problem) in between comments about his food, even convincing Blaine not to eat the (perfectly reasonable) food he made in favor of a salad. Then, he discovers a porn website on Blaine’s computer. He becomes very upset and angry about this, while Blaine is visibly uncomfortable. Kurt verbally says that Blaine can do whatever he wants on his own computer but gets increasingly angry. He yells at Blaine about how they haven’t had sex in a week but doesn’t question why, he just storms out. In the next scene they have together, Blaine enters their stage combat class, where Kurt already is, late. This already puts Kurt in higher standing within his environment. Blaine is angry and asks Kurt why he didn’t tell him that he didn’t want to walk to class together. Kurt is dismissive and says he just forgot, but his tone and body language doesn’t support this. Blaine asks if Kurt is still upset about the website, and Kurt says no, but his tone is still angry and dismissive. Blaine then suggests that they should talk about the fight, but Kurt shuts it down, saying, “You know, Blaine, sometimes I think we talk too much”. They start fencing, and Kurt, who knows that Blaine’s been struggling in this class, both with the content and with making friends, publicly embarrasses him in front of the whole class. Later, they finally have a conversation, but again, this is only happening after their problems reach a boiling point. Kurt comes home and asks Blaine what happened in combat class, saying “you were really coming at me,” not acknowledging that he too, was aggressive in his fighting, and being very confrontational (including closed-off body language). Blaine reveals that he feels like he has to prove himself. He feels like he’s falling behind Kurt and is unable to support and protect him, which had previously been an important aspect of their relationship all the way until Blaine moved to New York. Kurt is immediately unreceptive and angry. He says that Blaine shouldn’t want to be superior to Kurt and that they should want to be equals. Blaine quickly apologizes, feeling even worse about himself, but Blaine never says that he wants to be superior, just that he feels so far behind Kurt, and as we’ve established, Kurt has been systematically tearing Blaine down for years. Blaine tells Kurt that he feels terrible about himself and his body and feels like Kurt is going to judge him. Kurt claims that he would never judge Blaine, but again, had been making comments about the amount and type of food Blaine was eating. Blaine then says that he’s afraid that if he can’t do things for Kurt, Kurt will outgrow him, and once he no longer needs him, will stop loving him. This isn’t an unreasonable fear, as this is similar to what had happened when Kurt first moved to New York, but this also expresses a deeper fear of Blaine’s that can be traced back to his childhood. As shown in season 3 episode 15, Blaine had a very bad relationship with his older brother, Cooper. Cooper is shown as very selfish, always needing Blaine to be doing things for him and making every conversation about him. This not only mirrors a lot of Kurt’s behavior but also explains why Blaine feels he will be abandoned if he can’t do things for people. It’s already happened to him. Kurt says that he would never leave Blaine, which also proves to be false in season 6, but he also says that Blaine needs to tell him when he feels this way. However, Blaine tried twice, in the porn fight scene and in the stage combat scene, to talk about it, and Kurt shut it down both times. Again, Kurt is putting all the emotional burden on Blaine, deflecting his own fault, and gaslighting Blaine about previous events. Finally, they make up, but in the final scene, Blaine seems to have developed an eating disorder, and Kurt says that they have decided to eat out less often and work out more, but Kurt was already doing those things. Another example of Kurt trying to control what Blaine eats.

Moving on to the rest of season 5, in episode 18, Kurt invites Blaine to perform with him for June Dolloway. Blaine kills his performance and June asks only him to be her project. Suddenly, their dynamic has shifted again. This is a major success for Blaine, and Kurt’s been stalling recently. Blaine now has a lot more power and we see a glimpse of the old Blaine return when he performs for and with June. However, Kurt doesn’t react well to this throughout Blaine’s time with June. Immediately once Blaine gets picked, Blaine feels guilty about it, almost turning it down. Kurts assures him that it’s fine, but qualifies it by saying that it’ll be good for both of them, even saying it’s “[their] careers” instead of Blaine’s career. Later in the episode, Blaine and Kurt are finally having time together after Blaine has been spending a lot of time with June, Kurt says, “I’m upset with you,” and Blaine immediately looks terrified. He freezes, tenses, and panics. He’s walking on eggshells around Kurt, and no one should ever be scared of their partner. As with the flowers scene in season 3, Blaine is genuinely worried that Kurt will be upset about him taking an opportunity because Kurt wanted it for himself. Kurt is generally only supportive when it’s potentially beneficial to him. Blaine is so worried about upsetting Kurt that he decides to lie to him and tell him that he’s in the showcase June is organizing for Blaine. In episode 19, Blaine gives up a big opportunity with June to go to Kurt’s show, and then the storyline finishes in episode 20. Blaine fails to convince June to let Kurt into the showcase and is forced to confess to Kurt. Blaine attempts to explain the situation, but Kurt says he can’t trust Blaine or anything he says, and then reacts physically, throwing a bag of food onto the floor. Blaine jumps to his feet, apologizing and explaining that he didn’t know what else to do because he was scared of hurting Kurt’s feelings, but Kurt just storms out. Now, of course, Blaine shouldn’t have lied, but only a few episodes earlier in episode 14, Kurt lied about Blaine not crowding him so as not to hurt his feelings. Kurt does similar things all the time, but Blaine has to suffer for it. Later in episode 20, Kurt and Blaine talk again. Blaine, visibly upset, says that he doesn’t want to do the showcase because Kurt is more important to him, implying that he thinks he has to give up a major opportunity for his career for Kurt. Kurt responds by coming up with a confusing metaphor, waxing poetic at Blaine (sarcasm and figures of speech are something that Blaine already struggles to understand throughout the show), dragging it out, and making it sound very bad, so Blaine keeps apologizing. Then Kurt finally stops him. He says he understands what happened, and even, for the first time, takes some responsibility. He acknowledges that the way he was acting would have led Blaine to believe that lying was the only option. This is Kurt’s best reaction to a fight across the show, but it shouldn’t have gotten here. And because, yet again, Kurt pushed Blaine until he snapped and messed up, Kurt is the one with the power. He’s the one to forgive, and Blaine is the one who has to relentlessly apologize and then thank Kurt when he forgives him. And sure enough, because Blaine is so dependent on Kurt, he is incredibly relieved when Kurt forgives him, and thanks him repeatedly. He’s very physical here too, hugging Kurt, but Kurt is, again, very closed off, not very receptive. Blaine, again suggests that he won’t do the showcase without Kurt, and although Kurt does tell him to do it, it’s insane that this is even a question in Blaine’s mind. Plus the whole “I’m the luckiest guy in the world,” “Yeah pretty much,” interaction just rubs me the wrong way. In the end, Blaine risks his partnership with June to sing with Kurt anyway, which again, he shouldn’t have had to do. Every time Blaine is more successful, he tries to lift Kurt up to his level, even when it’s risky for him, but Kurt constantly tears Blaine down, even when he’s in a better position. Finally (for this point), let’s talk about the trainwreck that is season 6.

Season 6 is a lot more complex when it comes to power dynamics specifically. At the beginning of episode 1, they've broken up, and it’s had a profound effect on Blaine. He got very depressed, which makes sense, because he’s become so reliant on Kurt, got cut from NYADA, had to move back to Lima, and he wasn’t even able to play music for a while. He still seems to be struggling emotionally, while Kurt is in New York at NYADA, and initially, in the episode, it seems like Kurt is doing well. However, when Kurt comes back to Lima this shifts again. Kurt wants to get back together with Blaine, but Blaine is dating someone else, Dave Karofsky, and seems fairly happy in this new relationship. And because the focus of their arc this season is their journey to get back together, at this point, Blaine holds more power. It doesn’t matter that Kurt is in a better place in his life and career, because not only is that not the focus, but Kurt is now also in Lima. Blaine has begun the process to move on from Kurt, and this has happened once previously in their relationship, back in season 4, and just like in season 4, right as Blaine begins to move on, Kurt decides to reenter his life. Of course, the difference here is that Kurt hasn’t attempted to move on like he did in season 4. His sole purpose is to get Blaine back, and this actually gives Blaine more power because Kurt is openly pursuing him, instead of subtly leading him on. But before we continue with season 6, let’s do a closer analysis of the breakup scene, because I think, like season 5 episode 16, it illustrates a lot of the problems in the relationship very clearly.

This scene is shown via flashback, and Kurt is the one having the flashback. This is interesting because it’s been established, at this point in the episode, that Blaine and Kurt have been broken up for months, and based on Kurt’s reaction to this memory, this is the first time Kurt has dealt with the breakup. We see he remembers this scene, starts crying, and then the next time we see him, he’s back in Lima to get Blaine back. So, the flashback begins with Blaine arriving at the restaurant, it’s raining heavily. Kurt is already there, waiting for him. Blaine is very happy. He apologizes for being slightly late, explaining that it’s because of the rain and because he had stopped to check on a venue for their wedding. He seems very excited about this venue. The camera pans over and we see Kurt’s face for the first time. He looks annoyed, and he asks why he’s always the first to arrive. Blaine’s face falls a little but he explains again, repeating that he found a venue that’s available for their wedding, still excited about it. Kurt, again, doesn’t respond to this and just changes the subject to ordering food, annoyed. Blaine’s face changes, and he seems to register that Kurt isn’t going to respond positively to this step in the wedding planning. He says that he doesn’t want to fight, but he feels like he’s the one who’s been doing all the wedding planning. Kurt says nothing, just passive-aggressively puts down his menu, and stares at Blaine in an accusatory way. Blaine, very genuinely and earnestly, asks Kurt what’s wrong, actually begging Kurt to just talk to him, and asks him if he’s having second thoughts about the wedding. Kurt doesn’t flat out answer the question, instead, he says, “Have you noticed how exhausting it’s been ever since you moved back in?” The way the question is phrased puts the fault on Blaine in two ways. First, it asks him if he’s noticed that living together has been exhausting, instead of Kurt saying that he, personally, has been struggling. It frames it as an objective truth that Blaine has failed to notice. Secondly, Kurt says, “since you moved back in” putting the struggle to live together on Blaine. He doesn’t say, since we started living together again, or since we moved back in, he says, since you moved back in. This also has undertones that Blaine is an outsider in Kurt’s home. An invading force, rather than a partnership, and it implies that Kurt has made no progress in the weeks or months since season 5 episode 14 and that allowing Blaine to put in the office space was just a surface level change (s5e20). Kurt angrily brings up a fight that they had over him wiping his mouth off with a towel while there was toothpaste on his face. His tone indicates that he thinks that this is a stupid fight over nothing, but Blaine responds, “Well, how is someone else supposed to use it when you leave it like that”. This suggests that this genuinely matters to him, and not that he was picking a fight over nothing, as Kurt seems to think. Moreover, the way Blaine says it is a bit angry, which is a little unusual for him, and could indicate that Kurt often brushes off these things that bother Blaine. Kurt, getting increasingly angry, says that he thinks that they’re failing at living together. Blaine, also getting angry, says “Thank you for finally saying something truthful. Where's that guy been...you’ve been completely aloof and...totally remote and distant. It’s like I don’t even know you anymore”. These lines give a lot of insight into their relationship. As we’ve discussed, when they fight, Kurt tends to get very closed off and withdrawn, something we also see in this scene. Even as Blaine is saying these things, Kurt is withdrawn, not making eye contact, and passive-aggressively nodding. But this line suggests that this is something Kurt does whenever there are any problems. This is also supported by previous fights, see season 5 episode 16, and season 3 episode 20. Kurt doesn’t like talking about relationship problems (or even potential problems like in s3e20), and instead just avoids them, often meaning that Blaine ends up needing to handle it. Blaine continues by saying, “I feel like you’re just silently judging me”. This is the second time Blaine has expressed concerns about Kurt judging him during a fight (the first time was in s5e16), which could speak to his own insecurities, however, the Blaine we see in season 2, was not like this. He had some normal teenage doubts, but this kind of deep-seated insecurity wasn’t present. This has slowly been introduced to Blaine’s character throughout his relationship with Kurt, and although Kurt says he wouldn’t judge Blaine (s5e16), as we discussed, he does. Blaine constantly feeling judged by Kurt even after season 5 episode 16 suggests that Kurt hasn’t actually changed any of his behaviors and is still making comments that make Blaine uncomfortable. Blaine asks if Kurt even wants to marry him, and Kurt blurts out, “Maybe I don’t!” He then withdraws back into himself again, looking away and refusing to answer when Blaine asks him what changed. Since Kurt refuses to speak, Blaine starts to cry and asks Kurt if he did something to cause this. Kurt still doesn’t respond. Blaine says that he loves Kurt and that he knows that they can make it work. Kurt says that he loves Blaine too, but that they’re too young and that they should give up before they hate each other. This exchange, too, shows the differences in how they approach this relationship. Blaine is willing to work on the relationship. He wants to be with Kurt, and he would go to the end of the earth to keep them together. Kurt isn’t willing to do this. He just wants the relationship to function without working for it. And because Blaine is very dependent on the relationship for his confidence and self-esteem, he is generally willing to do much more work to maintain it than Kurt. But because Kurt isn’t willing to discuss problems until after a blow-up, that’s still not enough. Kurt has kept his voice and face empty and cold for most of the fight, and even as Blaine breaks down, he maintains this. Blaine tells Kurt that he’ll never forgive him, and then the flashback ends.

The season 6 break up fight is distinct from the others in that both the show and Kurt himself acknowledge that it was Kurt’s fault. He’s the one who needs to apologize, and this changes the power dynamic too. In all the other fights, in the end, Blaine is the one who apologizes, so Kurt has the power to accept or reject said apology. The texting fight in season 3 is the most similar, but Blaine is framed as unreasonable for being upset during that fight and in the end, he’s the one who ends up apologizing and resolving the issues. But this fight also doesn’t resolve itself immediately. Kurt’s apology doesn’t fix their relationship, and they stay broken up for most of the season. However, their power dynamic doesn’t stay the same for the rest of the season. The first real shift comes in episode 4. Up until this point, Blaine has seemed pretty comfortable in his relationship and Kurt has been chasing Blaine and not seeing anyone else. This changes in episode 4 though, Kurt starts talking to a guy online, Walter, and when he tells Blaine about it, it becomes incredibly clear that Blaine hasn’t gotten over Kurt. His relationship is being sabotaged, so that tether to moving forward is weakened. While Blaine obviously isn’t over Kurt, he is very supportive of Kurt trying to move on and doesn’t say anything bad to Kurt about it. And while his body language and tone indicate that he is sad about Kurt moving on, it’s much more bittersweet than anything. This contrasts with Kurt’s reaction to finding out about Karofsky. He’s been bitter, angry, and up until this episode was undermining their relationship with snide comments. At this point, they’ve leveled out, Kurt is entering a new relationship, and Blaine’s relationship is on shaky ground. Episodes 5 and 6 continue this pattern, as Blaine and Karofsky get rockier and Kurt and Walter get stronger. Kurt now is back above Blaine. He’s moving on, but he’s still available, but Blaine is getting pulled back into Kurt and is in a relationship. Episode 7 is where we see another major change in their relationship. Kurt manipulates the random duet wheel to get Blaine chosen as his duet partner even though he’s kind of dating Walter. Blaine mentions that Dave still thinks that there’s something between Kurt and Blaine. Then, after they sing their duet, they start talking about their relationship, specifically their early relationship in season 2, and Blaine kisses Kurt. Before the kiss, they’re talking about their first duet, way back before they even started dating, which was when Blaine was his happiest and most confident. This brings back false nostalgia for a time when Blaine was both confident and happy with Kurt, a time that never really existed since Kurt started tearing Blaine down right as they start dating. However, memories like this are what is being conjured for Blaine, and in an effort to recapture this, he kisses Kurt. Of course, he has a boyfriend, so immediately afterward he rushes off. Now the power is wholly on Kurt. Blaine has betrayed his new relationship and his feelings. He’s revealed that he’s still in love with Kurt, and now Kurt, just like season 4, has two vying love interests. Kurt has the power to choose, whereas Blaine’s relationship with Karofsky is doomed. More than that, Kurt has actively been pursuing Blaine even through this episode, and he's done the thing he always does where he pushes right up to something without explicitly crossing boundaries until Blaine snaps and acts. In this particular situation, this has flipped the power dynamic so now instead of Kurt having to try and get Blaine to come back to him, Blaine is the one who’s going to try and go back to Kurt. Sure enough, Blaine and Dave break up and Blaine goes to try and get back together with Kurt, but Kurt is going out with Walter. Blaine says nothing, he doesn’t criticize Walter or say anything snarky, he just lets Kurt go, reinforcing that Kurt has the power. In episode 8 we get the reunion. Kurt cuts it off with Walter, but the way he does so is interesting. He says, “I’m going to the wedding with Blaine,” but he hadn’t asked Blaine to get back together with him or go to the wedding with him. He seems so sure that it’ll work out with Blaine, even though he doesn’t seem to know that Blaine and Dave broke up. He shows up at Blaine’s apartment, confesses his love, and asks Blaine to go to the wedding with him. And initially, it may seem like Blaine has the power here, but on deeper inspection, there isn’t any risk here for Kurt, and he knows this. The second Blaine kissed Kurt, it becomes clear that Blaine would go back to him as soon as Kurt would take him. Their interaction here shows this, Kurt does say, “Unless there’s someone else,” but it’s tacked on, a formality (I also think this line shows that he didn’t know about Karofsky), and Blaine immediately responds, “There’s no one else”. He doesn’t even hesitate. When it comes down to it, Kurt is the only person for Blaine.

But let’s briefly sidebar and talk about how that isn’t true for Kurt, and how that gives him power over Blaine. Kurt doesn’t really care about who Blaine is, he cares how Blaine is making him feel, and if someone else came along that could make him feel that way, he would probably leave. This is a bold claim to make, so let’s look at some evidence. In season 5 episode 1, Kurt talks to Burt about whether he should say yes to Blaine’s proposal. On this car ride, he looks nauseous and wildly uncomfortable. He tells Burt that he isn’t sure if he wants to marry Blaine, and says “[Blaine] makes me feel so connected and so safe and loved, and I don’t think I’m ever going to find someone else who’s going to make me feel like that”. He says he loves Blaine, but that statement also implies that if someone else came along that could do those things, Blaine would lose the thing that makes him valuable to Kurt. Blaine’s proposal speaks to how well he knows Kurt, it’s grand, romantic, and nostalgic. It’s everything that Kurt enjoys, but Kurt seems uncomfortable through most of it. Blaine is relentlessly supportive of Kurt, but Kurt rarely supports Blaine, because what he values in Blaine is what he can do for him. In his wedding vows he talks about how Blaine pushes the shadows away from Kurt so he can shine (s6e8). That’s what’s most important to him. Kurt tries to date Adam, and initially, he seems to really click with him. Adam compliments Kurt a lot (s4e11), and as shown in season 3 episode 17, this is something that Kurt responds to. However, once he realizes that this doesn’t fulfill him in the same way (s4e15), he drops Adam very quickly (s5e1). Every time Blaine looks at Kurt, it’s so clear how in love with Kurt he is, but very rarely do we see this in Kurt. This gives Kurt the ability to mess around and play with Blaine’s feelings, knowing that if he ever wants to come back to Blaine, he’ll be there. Because there’s no one else.

Finishing season 6, Blaine and Kurt decide to get married (well, Blaine makes the call because Kurt refuses to give straight answers to anyone), and we’ve looked at Kurt’s vows, but let’s look at Blaine’s. Blaine says that he didn’t think that he would ever find love (s6e8). This is pretty worrying. Blaine was fifteen when he met Kurt, and he’s only nineteen or twenty now, so this speaks to how deep Blaine’s insecurities run at this point in his life. After the wedding, Blaine and Kurt seem to be in a good place. Their relationship isn’t the focus of the rest of the season, so we don’t see much of them until episode 13, but they seem to be on equal ground. Then in episode 13, we get a powerful insight into the direction their relationship is headed, but it’s actually not the flashforward. Early in the episode, Blaine and Sam have a conversation about Sam coming back to New York. Sam says no, and one of the reasons he cites is that there are too many sports teams and he doesn’t know who to root for. Blaine responds, “We just root for whichever one’s winning,” and Sam says, “Ok, that’s something Kurt would say”. This is already concerning on its own, but Blaine just says, “That’s what happens when you get married”. Football is something that Blaine has always liked. In season 2 episode 7, Blaine mentions that he’s a college football fan, and in that scene, Kurt changes the subject almost immediately. Then, in season 4 episode 10, we see Blaine and Burt bonding over sports. It’s something that he’s always liked, and him starting to have this sucked out of him is concerning. Kurt is slowly taking away Blaine’s interests, controlling him more. Sam even looks worried when Blaine says this. In that same scene, Blaine almost sounds like he’s trying to convince himself that he’s happy, or at least convince Sam that there’s nothing wrong. Finally, we see Blaine and Kurt five years later. They seem happy, but they’re having a baby, and while there’s nothing strictly wrong with that, having a baby as performers in their mid-twenties (24-26) seems like an odd choice. Both of them can’t work 8 shows a week and have a child, so what’s their plan going forward. They’re so young, in New York, there’s no reason for it. To wrap up this section of the analysis, Blaine is introduced as a very confident young man, but Kurt systematically tears Blaine down in order to not only feel superior to Blaine but also to control him. He frequently talks about how important trust is in a relationship, and he weaponizes this against Blaine, constantly telling him how he doesn’t trust him (s4e7, s5e17, s5e20). He lies to Blaine, demeans his feelings and accomplishments, and manipulates him.

Support: Blaine vs. Kurt

Earlier, I presented the claim that Kurt isn’t very supportive of Blaine, especially in comparison to how supportive Blaine is, and how this coupled with the amount Kurt tears Blaine down creates an environment where Kurt has a lot of power and control over Blaine, so here are some examples of this. The first example of Kurt being supportive of Blaine comes in season 2 episode 12. Kurt convinces the Warblers to do the Gap Attack, but when he realizes that he isn’t the guy Blaine has a crush on and it no longer benefits him, he has to be talked into even going by Mercedes and Rachel. As discussed, in season 3 episode 3, Kurt congratulates Blaine on getting Tony, but this is only after discouraging Blaine to audition and being visibly upset when he was asked to read for Tony. In season 3 episode 11, Kurt is pretty good about Blaine’s surgery, however, he doesn’t even consult Blaine or his family when he gets direct evidence of Sebastian committing a felony, just hands the evidence over to Sebastian. In season 3 episode 15, Kurt gives Blaine advice on talking to Cooper, but this is after he spent the entire episode fawning over him when it clearly made Blaine uncomfortable. In season 3 episode 19, Kurt tells Blaine not to put hair gel back in after Brittney forces him to take it out at prom. However, this comes after Kurt mocked Blaine’s insecurities and laughed at him when he showed up to prom with his hair out. We see little to no examples of Kurt being supportive after he leaves for New York. The next time we see Kurt being supportive of Blaine comes in season 5 episode 6. Blaine is freaking out about auditioning for NYADA, and Kurt is very gentle and calming. However, this isn’t wholly unselfish. Kurt wants Blaine to come to New York, to go to the same school as him, it’s season 3 episode 1 all over again. He even pressured Blaine to sing at the diner when he looked visibly uncomfortable with it in the name of support. We also see him celebrating Blaine getting into NYADA in episode 12, but this is the bare minimum of support. He is cautiously supportive of Blaine getting picked up by June, but this is also selfish. He talks multiple times about how this will benefit his career (s5e18), and him eventually telling Blaine to do the showcase even without him is, again, the absolute bare minimum (s5e20). However, there are a few times where Kurt was genuinely supportive of Blaine without an ulterior motive. The first example of this is in season 2 episode 20. Kurt asks Blaine to prom, but Blaine tells Kurt that he was bullied at a Sadie Hawking’s dance before he transferred to Dalton. Kurt is immediately sympathetic and encourages him to stand up to the bullies while saying that if Blaine is uncomfortable with going, they won’t. And in season 6 episode 10 when Dalton burns down, he’s very good about handling it, but it’s saying something that those two are the only strong examples of Kurt being genuinely supportive, speaks volumes. (There are also three times in the show where Blaine tells Kurt that he loves him and Kurt either doesn’t say it back or hangs up before he even hears Blaine, once in season 4 episode 4 (5:25), once in season 5 episode 9 (12:50), and again in season 5 episode 19 (33:20), and it just bothers me a little.)

Let’s compare this to Blaine. In season 2, Blaine helps Kurt around Dalton (s2e6), helps Kurt with Karofsky (s2e6), laughs at Kurt’s jokes when no one else does (s2e9), helps Kurt adjust to the Warblers (s2e9), helps him with Pavarotti (s2e9), convinces Burt to give Kurt the sex talk (s2e15), gets Kurt a duet for Regionals and making it something that’s in Kurt’s wheelhouse (s2e16), giving Kurt a pep talk before he goes on stage (s2e16), goes to prom with Kurt despite his past trauma (s2e20), helps Kurt calm down after he’s elected prom queen (s2e20), and dances with Kurt after Karofsky runs out (s2e20). In season 3, Blaine transfers to WMHS for Kurt (s3e1), is very supportive of Kurt when he loses the student council election and tells him not to give up on NYADA (s3e7), pushes Kurt out of the way, and takes Sebastian’s Slushee (s3e11), congratulates Kurt on his NYADA audition even when he’s about to get surgery (s3e11), and is very supportive of Kurt through his panic about his audition (s3e18). In season 4, Blaine tells Kurt that New York is where he belongs and encourages him to leave (s4e1), supports Kurt’s music video even though Kurt is being wildly unsupportive of him throughout it (s4e4), and assures Kurt that he’ll always be there for him even if they aren’t together (s4e10). In season 5, Blaine agrees to fly out to NYC in the middle of the school week with only a few days notice (s5e7), gives Kurt advice on Elliot when Kurt is being paranoid (s5e9), stays with Kurt in the hospital when he gets attacked (s5e15), is very happy for Kurt when he reveals he got picked for June’s show even before Kurt offered him a part (s5e18), chooses to go to Kurt’s nursing home performance over a big opportunity with June (s5e19), and inviting Kurt to perform with him at June’s show even though it could cost him the partnership (s5e20). In season 6, Blaine does all the wedding planning (s6e1), never says a bad word about Kurt dating other people when Kurt was antagonistic and cruel about him dating Karofsky (s6e4, s6e7), and pushes the glitter bomb box out of Kurt’s hands, physically protecting him again (s6e11). This is just the shortlist, and very few of them are selfishly motivated at all. In fact, many of them actively go against his own interests and involve giving up opportunities. This dichotomy is a prime example of what reinforces Kurt’s power over Blaine. Blaine is willing to give up everything for Kurt and gives him everything he has, but Kurt not only won’t do the same in return but exploits Blaine’s generosity.

Cheating and Double Standards

So, let’s talk about cheating, romantic jealousy, and the double standard of their relationship. Kurt is immediately possessive of Blaine, even before they start dating. He puts a picture of Blaine in his locker within a week of meeting him (s2e6). In season 2 episode 12, Blaine reveals that he has a crush on another guy, and Kurt, who had constructed a relationship with Blaine in his head, gets very upset. Despite being all too willing to help Blaine when he thought it was about him, he needs to be talked into even going by Mercedes and Rachel. Then, in season 2 episode 14, Kurt gets extremely jealous about Rachel and Blaine kissing and going on a date even though they’re not dating yet. In season 3 episode 5, Blaine meets Sebastian Smythe for the first time. Immediately, Sebastian hits on Blaine very aggressively, but it clearly makes Blaine extremely uncomfortable. Blaine agrees to go to The Lima Bean with Sebastian, and Sebastian continues to hit on Blaine, even more overtly this time. Blaine looks even more uncomfortable and quickly and forcefully shuts Sebastian down multiple times, talking about his boyfriend and how much he loves him. Despite Blaine being in the middle of shutting Sebastian down as Kurt shows up, Kurt is immediately very jealous and possessive. Sebastian suggests that they all go out to the local gay bar, and while Blaine seems interested, he turns it down because he knows Kurt isn’t. Kurt agrees to go but to rival Sebastian, not because Blaine wants to go. Then when they do go out, Kurt decides to spend the night moping at the bar instead of dancing with Blaine. However, Blaine keeps looking over at him, clearly wanting him to come dance with them. He’s not dancing inappropriately with Sebastian, he’s just trying to have fun, and Kurt’s being weird for no reason. He’s really happy when Kurt comes to dance with them, and there’s obviously nothing insidious going on. However, when Kurt and Blaine are fighting and Kurt is bringing up mostly good points, he also throws in that Blaine spent half the night dancing with another guy, which again, was not Blaine’s fault. Then, Blaine has to swear to Kurt that Sebastian doesn’t mean anything to him when he’s been shutting down his advances the whole episode and is clearly not interested. It seems like Kurt believes that Blaine doesn’t have feelings for Sebastian, but he acts exceptionally jealous every time Sebastian shows up, and Kurt talks about him so often that Blaine yells at Kurt to stop bringing him up in season 3 episode 14.

In season 3 episode 17, we have the first cheating scandal. Kurt needs music for his NYADA audition, and he tells Blaine this and asks him to go to the music store, Between the Sheets with him. Blaine seems upset and says he can’t. Kurt doesn’t ask him why he can’t go or why he’s upset, just decides to go on his own. At Between the Sheets, Kurt meets a guy, Chandler. Chandler is very complimentary towards Kurt immediately, which Kurt responds very positively to. Then, as he’s leaving, Chandler’s comments turn flirtatious and he asks for Kurt’s phone number. Despite it being very clear that Chandler is hitting on him, Kurt gives him his number and doesn’t mention that he has a boyfriend. Kurt starts texting regularly with Chandler. The texts are very flirty, and although Kurt initially doesn’t seem to see anything wrong with it, once Rachel calls him out, he does seem to realize that it isn’t innocent. He says that Blaine hasn’t been complimenting him or trying to have sex with him recently, but he hasn’t spoken to Blaine about it. He texts with Chandler while ignoring Blaine, who is visibly upset, during Rachel and Santana’s duet. Later in the episode, Blaine ends up reading the text messages between Chandler and Kurt. He’s very upset and says that it’s cheating. Kurt denies that it’s cheating and compares it to Blaine talking to Sebastian. Blaine denies this, saying that he didn’t have feelings for Sebastian, and Kurt has feelings for this guy. I agree with Blaine in this situation. He didn’t have feelings for Sebastian and made it clear that it made him uncomfortable when Sebastian hit on him. Kurt does have feelings for Chandler, he was reciprocating the flirting, it’s a different situation, and Kurt is in the wrong. Moreover, considering that Kurt has been ignoring Blaine in favor of Chandler, I do think it’s reasonable to consider this cheating. It’s also notable that sex is not, and never has been, the most important thing to Kurt in a relationship. It’s important in the same way it would be to most teenage boys, but it isn’t how he primarily displays intimacy, so Kurt not having sex with this guy doesn’t mean that he’s not pursuing him. However, Kurt continues to deny that he did anything wrong. He justifies it by saying that Blaine never compliments him. He then says that it’s hard to be Blaine’s boyfriend because everyone wants to be with him. Blaine says that Kurt should have talked to him about it, but Kurt ignores this and continues to dismiss Blaine’s concerns. He doesn’t apologize, he only says that he’s sorry if it made Blaine feel uncomfortable. He tries to dismiss Blaine’s feelings again by saying “it’s ok”, and Blaine storms out. They sing some dramatic songs at each other, Kurt denies that what he did was cheating yet again. Kurt brings Blaine to talk to Emma. Blaine is very upset and vents about a lot of issues he has with Kurt being rude and not respecting boundaries, and then he reveals that he actually is more upset about Kurt preparing to leave for New York than anything else. He’s upset that Kurt keeps talking about it in every conversation because he feels like Kurt’s running away from him and is going to abandon him (which will prove very prescient). Kurt promises that he’ll never do that and Blaine shouldn’t worry. Kurt never admits that what he did was wrong, but at the end of the episode, he says that he told Chandler to stop texting him. Unlike Kurt with Sebastian, Blaine never mentions Chandler again (unless you count that one line from Tina’s body-swapping dream thing, but that’s not real, so I choose to believe that Tina is just outraged in Blaine’s honor), and seems to not only have moved on but forgiven him as well.

Let’s move on to the next significant cheating incident, season 4 episode 4. Kurt has been ignoring Blaine since he got to New York. In the previous episode, he ignored a call from Blaine on a night he knew was important to him, the night of the senior class president election, to chat with his coworkers about nonwork-related things (s4e3). and early in the episode, Blaine and Brittney have a conversation about how hard it is for them now that it seems like Kurt and Santana are too busy for them. Kurt calls Blaine (in the middle of the school day), but he immediately has to go. He says that the phones won’t stop ringing at work, Blaine is understanding and tells Kurt he can call him back later. Kurt says he can’t because he’s working until midnight. Kurt says that he understands that it’s frustrating, but this could be a career for him. Blaine says that he understands and then attempts to communicate about the issues he’s having and what he’s feeling. He says that he really misses Kurt, and says “I miss talking to you, and I miss hugging you, and I miss messing around with you,” confirming that they’ve barely interacted in a while. Kurt says, “But you’re coming in two weeks, right?” as if it’s ok for them not to talk for weeks. Two weeks is a long time, especially because when they were first discussing this in season 3, Kurt assured Blaine that he would Skype him every day and that they would see each other every weekend (although even then, he says that Blaine will come and visit him, and never offers to visit Blaine in Lima) (s3e17) and then Kurt had put off practical conversations about doing long distance in favor of flowery language and empty promises even when Blaine actively tried to initiate conversations about it (s3e22). Kurt has broken his word to Blaine and isn’t being a good partner. Blaine expresses that he doesn’t know how he’s going to handle waiting two weeks, seeming genuinely worried and upset, but Kurt doesn’t even acknowledge this. He says that someone is calling with good gossip and that he has to go. He says he’ll call or text Blaine on a break and hangs up without another word, not even waiting long enough to hear Blaine say “I love you” to him. This deeply hurts Blaine, and throughout Barely Breathing we see him calling Kurt, feeling lonely, and then talking to another guy on Facebook. Blaine shows up at Kurt’s apartment on Friday night, which means he would have had to leave straight from school, and since he seems to only decided to go the night before at the earliest, it would have been wildly expensive. Throughout his time in New York, Blaine is clearly upset, and to his credit, Kurt does ask him about it several times, and Blaine eventually admits that he cheated on Kurt. Kurt’s first reaction is to say, “It was Sebastian, wasn’t it?” really nailing home that he still hasn’t forgotten about that, and that he already didn’t really trust Blaine. Blaine says it wasn’t and tries to explain to Kurt that it didn’t mean anything. Kurt asks who it was again. This upsets Blaine further, and he says “It doesn’t matter who it was with, Kurt, what matters is that I was by myself. I needed you. I needed you around, and you weren’t there.” That is the crux of the issue. Kurt has been ignoring Blaine, and both of the times we see him do this are explicitly for gossip, not essential work reasons. It’s implied, though, that he’s been doing this a lot, and if the only two times the audience is shown this are both inessential reasons, it can be extrapolated that these aren’t isolated (s4e3, s4e4). Blaine has tried to raise his concerns, but at every step of the way, Kurt shut him down, brushed him off, and refused to talk about it (s3e17, s3e22, s4e3, s4e4). Kurt has been a bad boyfriend, and unlike season 3 episode 17, Blaine actually tried to reach out to talk about it before he cheated, whereas Kurt didn’t. Blaine says that he was lonely and made a mistake, but that he’s really sorry. Kurt says he’s been feeling the same way, but he didn’t act on it because he knew how awful it was. While this is totally fair, it’s important to note that Kurt has a whole exciting new life and career in New York. He has a lot to look forward to and to keep him busy and distracted, and Blaine’s been supporting him in this (s4e3). However, Blaine is in Lima, there’s very little going on, and even being at McKinley is a constant reminder of Kurt and his absence. The few things in his life that were exciting for him were belittled, demeaned, and overshadowed by Kurt (s4e3). Blaine felt Kurt pulling away because of his new life, something he had been terrified of might happen (s3e17). Kurt knew that this was an insecurity of Blaine’s, and yet he doesn’t put any effort into assuaging his fears. Blaine shouldn’t have cheated, I’m certainly not saying it was justified, but Kurt contributed significantly to the problems in the relationship that led to this action, and that shouldn’t be overlooked. Blaine apologizes again, but Kurt rushes off. On what presumably is the next Monday, since the breakup happened on a Friday so there wouldn’t have been school the next day, Finn is back in Lima and he talks to Blaine. Blaine says that he doesn’t know why he cheated on Kurt, but now Kurt won’t talk to him and he doesn’t even know if they’re broken up, despite, again, three days passing. We see Kurt at work. He seems upset, but also says that he’ll be ok.

We see Blaine continue to beat himself up for a large amount of season 4, all the way through episode 11, where he starts to move on. In episode 7, Blaine is torturing himself about cheating. He almost leaves WMHS, but Sam talks to him about it. He affirms that it was a one night stand, that he felt nothing, and that he immediately regretted it. Kurt is upset for a while, but he refuses to take any responsibility. He also talks about how he doesn’t want to forgive Blaine because he wants him to feel bad, and only decides to accept Blaine’s apology for himself (s4e8). He calls Blaine right before Blaine is about to perform after ghosting him for weeks, but only to remind Blaine that he doesn’t forgive him and to lie to him about coming back to Lima for Christmas (s4e8). Kurt isn’t required to forgive Blaine, but he keeps holding it over Blaine’s head, reminding him of what he’s lost while he’s struggling, and given that he previously said that he wanted Blaine to suffer, it colors it slightly. On Christmas, Kurt decides not to go back to Lima for Christmas despite promising Blaine, and when Blaine comes to New York, he feels the need to ask, “You are happy to see me, right?” despite Kurt having said previously that he wanted to see Blaine for Christmas. Both Kurt and Blaine start to move on in season 4 episode 11, and although Blaine’s crush on Sam is real, he’s still very clearly in love with Kurt. Kurt is trying much harder to move on, and his relationship with Adam seems to have the potential to become more serious. He’s already pretty close with Adam in season 4 episode 13, and it seems like Adam is very interested in Kurt.

The next major turn of events comes in season 4 episode 14. At Will and Emma’s wedding, Blaine and Kurt are making out, and Kurt mentions that he shouldn’t be doing this because he’s kind of dating someone in New York. Blaine, somewhat desperately, assures him that it’s ok because he’s not in New York and it’s not exclusive. Kurt agrees but clarifies that this doesn’t mean that they’re back together. Blaine agrees, saying it’s just “bros helping bros”, but clearly he doesn’t actually feel that way. He’s still in love with Kurt, while Kurt is starting to move on. Kurt spends the entire reception flirting with Blaine while saying that he doesn’t want to get back together, and that would be fine if Blaine was in the same place as Kurt. But he isn’t. Blaine is just trying to claw his way out of the darkest place he’s ever been in, and he’s using Kurt to do this, but this isn’t healthy. He’s been conditioned to feel like he needs Kurt to feel worthy, and this is only reinforcing this. Kurt is also weirdly jealous when he finds out about the Tina situation for someone who isn’t interested in Blaine. Also, Tina makes fantastic points in that argument. Kurt and Blaine hook up, and Kurt, again, reiterates that they’re not getting back together, but Blaine isn’t in a place to see them having sex as casual and insignificant. He is viewing it as more, and Kurt is the older, more mature one, and he knows how Blaine feels. He is leading Blaine on by playing into it. Having sex, going on dates, he’s not letting Blaine move on like he is.

Speaking of Kurt moving on, let’s talk about Adam. Adam deserved better, even after that horrendous Baby Got Back performance. Adam genuinely likes Kurt. Immediately, he seems to care very deeply for Kurt and is very supportive and complimentary of him (s4e11, s4e13). However, this isn’t enough for Kurt. He still feels the need to have Blaine there for him too, so he sleeps with him despite kind of dating Adam (s4e14). Then in season 4 episode 15, Santana asks Kurt about him sleeping with Blaine at the wedding in front of Adam, and Kurt shushes her, trying to hide it from Adam as if he’s aware that he probably shouldn’t have done it. It probably wasn’t cheating in the strictest sense, but Adam does seem upset, although whether it’s by Kurt sleeping with Blaine or Kurt trying to hide it is unclear. They watch Moulin Rouge, and Kurt imagines himself singing Come What May with Blaine. He starts crying and Adam asks him about it. He lies to Adam’s face, lies to him about wearing contacts, tries to convince Rachel to go along with it, and would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for Santana. Santana calls him out, asking him if he’s crying because he used to say that he wanted to sing that duet with Blaine at their wedding. Kurt tries to shut it down, but Santana is unbothered and continues, saying she once heard Kurt say that singing that song was “a more intimate act than sex”. Adam looks a little confused and upset but doesn’t say anything. Kurt tries to leave, and Santana changes the subject. This comment from Santana confirms that Kurt is first and foremost a romantic, and that sex is not the most important thing to him. Later, after the storm is over, Adam talks to Kurt about Santana’s comment. He asks Kurt if he used to sing that song with Blaine, and Kurt says yes, but tries to minimize it. Adam asks if Kurt still loves Blaine. He doesn’t respond. Then Adam asks if he was Kurt’s rebound, saying that he can’t compete with a fantasy. Kurt says no and that he “desperately” wants to be over Blaine. Adam says that they’re going to go watch a sappy romantic movie to be their movie and to try and help Kurt move on. In season 5 episode 1, Blaine asks Kurt what the deal is with Adam, and Kurt claims that it never got serious, but the last time we saw Adam, it seemed like they were headed in that direction. Kurt mentions that he’s still seeing Adam in season 4 episode 17, and Sam mentions that Blaine didn’t know where Kurt and Adam stood in season 4 episode 22. We never see any indication that their relationship stopped, but Kurt agrees to start dating Blaine again, and then he’s dating Kurt for days before Blaine proposes, but as we find out in season 5 episode 4, Adam kicked Kurt out of the Adam’s Apples when he found out Kurt was engaged, which implies that Kurt didn’t officially break things off with Adam until after he got engaged. This only reinforces that Kurt hates committing to breakups. He always wants to keep his options open in case he needs a backup plan. Adam is a little weird, but he’s so sweet. He’s trying so hard to help Kurt even when Kurt is lying to him and lowkey playing him. There are a lot of reflections of how Kurt treats Blaine in how he treats Adam too. None of Kurt’s toxic behaviors are isolated, and none of the people in his life deserve to be treated the way he treats them.

I’ve already heavily analyzed the scene in season 5 episode 1 when Kurt and Blaine get back together, but I do want to briefly reiterate something before moving on. Kurt, despite knowing that he’s going to forgive Blaine, holds the cheating over Blaine, but he eventually does say he forgives Blaine, and that they can put it behind them. However, he doesn’t do this. In season 5 episode 7, Blaine has a complete mental breakdown. The New Directions weren’t listening to Blaine’s ideas, and he called Kurt looking for support, instead, Kurt calls Blaine a puppet master and then asks Blaine for support and to come to New York, which, of course, Blaine agrees to. However, Kurt insulting Blaine along with a gas leak in the choir room leads to Blaine’s downward spiral. He starts hallucinating puppets and then decides to make a puppet version of Kurt. Here’s where we get evidence that Blaine is very aware that Kurt hasn’t actually forgiven Blaine for cheating. He has his puppet say that he’s forgiven Blaine. Personally, I think this is quite sad, and we see Blaine’s insecurities and struggles with control highlighted in this episode. Then, in season 5 episode 16, there’s confirmation that Kurt is still holding it over Blaine’s head and hasn’t forgiven him. Kurt could have easily talked about getting tested, or even the last time he got tested, without bringing up Eli. It was unnecessary, and as I stated earlier, the way Blaine reacts implies that Kurt brings this up frequently. It’s controlling and cruel, and he’s not even criticized for it, by his friends or by the tone of the show itself. And this is something that only Kurt does. Rarely do the other characters in the show bring up cheating out of nowhere, and as mentioned, Blaine has never brought up Chandler since season 3 episode 17. In this episode, Kurt also gets incredibly jealous and controlling of Blaine watching porn, even though that’s none of his business, and if he was worried about their sex lives should have talked to Blaine about it.

Let’s talk about Karofsky because the way Kurt reacts to him is fascinating. In season 6 episode 1, Kurt had broken up with Blaine out of nowhere months ago, but he comes back to Lima with the express purpose to get back together with Blaine. However, upon meeting with Blaine, he reveals that he’s actually seeing someone, and Kurt’s first thought is that it’s Sebastian, which drives home that Kurt never got over the Sebastian thing, even though nothing happened between them, and he had no reason to think that anything ever would. Karofsky shows up and Kurt does not react well to this. He manages to not say anything against him explicitly, but his tone is mocking and sarcastic, and he leaves quickly to go cry in the bathroom. Initially, Blaine and Dave seem very happy, honestly, and this seems to upset Kurt (s6e1, s6e2, s6e3). Kurt is very passive-aggressive and jealous whenever he sees Dave and Blaine together, to the point where Blaine has to ask whether they need to come up with alternating sheet music schedules (s6e3). Kurt also refuses to admit that Blaine has moved on, pretending that they’re on a break until Britt calls him out about it and tells him that Blaine and Dave are moving in together (s6e3). He gets very bitter every time Blaine tries to talk about his boyfriend (s6e5). Then, Kurt begins to move on, but he still decides to cheat in order to get Blaine chosen to sing a duet with, undermining Blaine and Dave’s relationship. And when Blaine implies that Dave might not be fully comfortable with Blaine and Kurt singing together, Kurt implies that Dave’s paranoid and crazy, because nothing is going on, even though he is trying to undermine them and something is going on (s6e7). Kurt then manipulates Blaine’s feelings, pivoting the conversation away from Karofsky and to the past and pretending that he forgot their first duet, and then acts all surprised when Blaine kisses him like he hasn’t been trying to undermine Blaine’s relationship for weeks (s6e7). Then, knowing that Blaine still had feelings for him, he suddenly decides to stop pursuing Blaine right as Blaine breaks up with Dave (s6e7). And then Kurt does decide to go back to Blaine without knowing that he broke up with Dave, and just assumes it’ll work out (s6e8). Kurt does do everything in his power to get Blaine to break up with Dave without actually saying so. He’s highly manipulative, and he prevented Blaine from continuing a relationship that was really good for him. And for the record, no, I don’t think that Blaine and Dave would have made it long term, and their relationship is a little weird. Mostly, I don’t think it would have worked out because Dave would have reminded Blaine too much of Kurt, but they seemed to have a fairly healthy relationship, and I do think that if Kurt had let Blaine be, he could have moved on on his own time. I think Kurt interrupting this journey impacted Blaine in a very significant way and made him even more dependent on Kurt than he already was. However, Kurt is one of the main characters, so the show frames him pursuing Blaine as an epic love story, convincing the audience to root for Kurt.

Now that we’ve unpacked Kurt’s jealousy, let’s analyze Blaine’s jealousy, and how it’s framed vs. Kurt’s jealousy. Blaine does struggle with jealousy as well, but it is not the same as Kurt’s, and the show treats it in a very different way. Blaine is jealous of Chandler, but he has a right to be. Kurt is interested in him, and they were actively flirting. However, he’s framed as being unreasonable. The show and Kurt say that he’s overreacting, and in the end, it turns out that he’s not actually upset about Chandler, even though he had a right to be, and he forgives Kurt. But Blaine isn’t generally very jealous, so the next major event is in season 5 episodes 9 and 14. Kurt takes a picture with Elliott, and Elliott kisses him on the cheek in the picture. Blaine seems a little worried by the photo but doesn’t say anything until episode 14. Kurt is lashing out at Blaine because he feels smothered in their relationship and he mentions Elliott. Blaine snaps at Kurt jealously, and Kurt calls him a psycho. This is another example of the double standard when it comes to jealousy. Kurt is justified in being jealous of Sebastian for years when nothing happened, but Blaine gets a little jealous of Elliott after Kurt starts pulling away again, and he’s crazy and unreasonable. This is not only on Kurt as a character but also on the show. They both present Kurt as someone who can do no wrong, and Blaine as a terrible person the second he makes a minor mistake. Blaine leaves and goes to Elliott’s apartment. He yells at Elliott, but Elliott calms Blaine down and handles the situation very well. Blaine goes back to the loft and apologizes for his jealousy, something Kurt never does about any of the people he gets jealous of. Then, in season 5 episode 16, Kurt is getting ogled and hit on by several guys in his stage combat class, and Blaine feels uncomfortable with this. He doesn’t feel comfortable with Kurt being viewed as a sexual object. Both Kurt and the show frame Blaine as being unreasonable for this, however, in season 3 episode 17, Kurt expresses a similar discomfort. He calls Blaine an “alpha gay” and says that “even Rachel wanted to make out with [Blaine]”. Moreover, Blaine’s jealousy is not unfounded. The guy who is primarily hitting on Kurt is complimenting him heavily, something that Blaine knows from experience is something that Kurt responds to in the early stages of a relationship (s3e17, s4e11), and has caused Kurt to cheat in the past (s3e17). Kurt is also doing nothing to shut this guy down, despite him obviously flirting, which contrasts with how vigorously Blaine shut down Sebastian (s3e5). This continues throughout the episode, and Kurt never makes any moves to shut him down or assuage Blaine’s fears. In the end, as always, Blaine is the one forced to apologize. Finally, in season 6 we are introduced to Walter. When Kurt first mentions that he’s going on a date with Walter in episode 4, Blaine is clearly a little upset by it, but he is very supportive, and he’s dating Dave anyway, so he’s very good about it. Then in episode 7, Blaine comes to McKinley after breaking up with Dave to confess his feelings to Kurt, and Kurt is going out with Walter. Despite Walter being older than time, Blaine doesn’t say a single bad word against him and lets Kurt go. These two interactions contrast boldly with all of Kurt’s reactions to Karofsky. He is jealous, but he doesn’t take it out on Kurt’s budding relationship. The double standard of how cheating and jealousy are treated between them is completely unfair. Blaine has transgressed before, but so has Kurt, and that being brushed under the rug isn’t fair. In addition, the way Blaine is blamed for Sebastian flirting with him vs. the guy in Blaine’s combat class flirting with Kurt being forgotten almost immediately is the clearest example of this double standard that pervades their relationship and how it’s portrayed.

Blaine’s Relationship Missteps

Now, of course, Blaine isn’t perfect, and in the spirit of fairness, let’s look at all the times Blaine exhibited similar behaviors to the ones I’ve listed for Kurt. In season 2 episode 20, Blaine is initially nervous about Kurt’s prom outfit. He agrees with Burt that it’s provocative, and he’s worried about Kurt getting attacked or harassed at prom, which makes sense given his past experiences and what he’d seen Kurt go through that year. Of course, he should have been more supportive, but he comes around regardless. Throughout season 3, Blaine maintains an interesting relationship with Sebastian, and as we’ve discussed, I don’t think this was strictly wrong, but it did make Kurt uncomfortable, and potentially he could have been more responsive to this. But I’m not convinced by this one. In season 3 episode 5, Blaine pressures Kurt to have sex before he’s ready, reneging on a conversation they had had but a few days ago. The pressures of the musical and Sebastian are bearing down on him, and he definitely acts inappropriately. I’m not going to try and defend this one, that scene makes me very uncomfortable. Although I do think that Kurt’s jealousy was unfounded. In season 4 episode 4, Blaine cheats on Kurt, as discussed, this is wrong. He shouldn’t have done it, however, he did attempt to talk to Kurt about it, and Kurt shouldn’t have ignored and overshadowed Blaine. It doesn’t justify what he did, but it does contextualize it. In season 5 episode 14, Blaine gets very jealous of Elliott. This is unfounded and irrational, and he’s taking out his lack of control and confusion on Elliott. It’s a lot like the Sebastian situation, he has no reason to think anything is going on. This is different from season 5 episode 16, where Blaine is uncomfortable with other men hitting on Kurt. While I still think that this isn’t right, Kurt has given Blaine reason to think that this might be a problem in the past. The last time a guy complimented Kurt, he started a whole thing with him. It’s understandable why Blaine would be a little insecure. In season 6 episode 2, Blaine accuses Kurt of stealing Jane because he’s upset about Blaine and Dave dating, and while this is definitely paranoid, Kurt was upset about Dave, and Rachel and Kurt are not above poaching to get ahead. Finally, in season 6 episode 7, Blaine kisses Kurt while still dating Dave. This is also bad, but as discussed earlier, Kurt fostered the environment that led to this incident. I don’t think that any of these things should be dismissed, but I also don’t think that this is convincing evidence that Blaine is particularly toxic. Most of these seem like mistakes that could happen in a tumultuous relationship, and the fact that there are so few items on this list comparatively is significant.

Warped Ideas of Romance

Blaine also develops a very warped sense of romance and healthy relationship milestones over the course of the show, and I blame Kurt. Kurt has always been a romantic, and he instills into Blaine very early on in their relationship. He likes big grand gestures, and we see Blaine do that for Kurt many times, mostly through big songs. It became the primary way he communicated with Kurt. Blaine admits early on that not only has he never had a boyfriend before but that he feels like he doesn’t know what he’s doing at all when it comes to romance (s2e12). To be fair, Kurt is in a similar situation, but Kurt is older, and their relationship is dominated by Kurt all too often. This doesn’t become a problem until later on, though. It first rears its head in season 4 episode 21, when Blaine tells Burt that he wants to propose to Kurt and asks for his permission to do so, despite them not being together. Blaine mentions in that conversation that he knows that if he wants to get Kurt back, he has to do something big. In fact, Blaine almost proposes in that very episode. Then, in episode 22, he buys an engagement ring despite all of his friends protesting with very logical arguments and almost proposes again. In season 5 episode 1, they get back together, and Blaine tells everyone that he needs to make the proposal even bigger and more dramatic now that he’s back together with Kurt. They have only been together for a few days, but at least this is a little better than proposing when you’ve been broken up for months. And Kurt says yes anyway. This idea pervades their whole relationship, but it doesn’t come back in a big way until season 6 episode 8 (although he does seem to move in with Dave pretty early in their relationship (s6e3). They couldn’t have been together for more than a few months, because the end of season 5 is the summer, and the beginning of season 6 is right at the beginning of the school year). Tina asks Blaine, Artie, and Puck whether she should propose to Mike at Santana and Brittany’s wedding, even though they aren’t together and haven’t even seen each other in person for a long time. Blaine’s first response is that he thinks it’s romantic when it’s clearly insane. Then when Brittany and Sue ask him and Kurt to get married, Blaine says yes. He is the one who decides it because Kurt refuses to give a straight answer to anyone ever. But to be fair, I wouldn’t want to get married in that suit either, it’s bad. They also have a baby super young for performers in New York (s6e13). Blaine doesn’t know what a healthy relationship looks like, and it’s very worrying.

Communication

Next, let’s discuss how bad they are at communication, especially Kurt. Not only is Kurt bad at communication, but he actively shuts it down so often. As mentioned, Blaine is new to relationships, and he is actively taught that the best way to communicate with Kurt is by singing. Kurt doesn’t respond to conversation, he always shuts it down and only responds to Blaine’s concerns when he sings. For example, in season 5 episode 20, Blaine sings All of Me to tell Kurt that he lied about Kurt being in June’s show. When Kurt gets angry about it, Blaine explains that he had no idea how to tell Kurt about the show without lying, and then he didn’t know how to tell Kurt about the lie, because he was scared of hurting Kurt. This is also not the first time that Blaine has been so afraid of Kurt that he’s felt the need to lie to him. In season 5 episode 7, Blaine gets detention and is unable to attend Kurt’s first Pamela Landsbury gig or risk suspension. He doesn’t know to break the news to Kurt for fear of hurting Kurt’s feelings and doesn’t call Kurt to let him know that he can’t make it, and waits until Kurt calls him right before the performance to tell him. Now, this is obviously bad, but it shows how Blaine doesn’t know how to talk to Kurt and how he’s always walking on eggshells around him. There are too many examples of Kurt shutting down Blaine when he tries to communicate openly, so let’s look at them. With graduation coming up, Blaine tries to talk to Kurt about doing long distance, and Kurt says that he wants to be in denial for a few more days. Blaine tries again to talk about it, but Kurt shuts him down again with flowery words and empty promises (s3e22). When Kurt is in New York, he starts ignoring Blaine, and when Blaine reaches out, Kurt shuts it down and does nothing to change (s4e4). In season 5 episode 14, Blaine openly asks Kurt if he’s crowding him, and even though he is, Kurt lies to Blaine about it. Then, in season 5 episode 16, Blaine tries to clear the air about the fight over the porn, and Kurt shuts it down, saying that they talk too much, when really they don’t talk at all. This is a pattern of behavior for Kurt, and it shouldn’t be. Kurt never asks Blaine when something is wrong, even if he can tell he’s upset (s3e17, s5e14, s5e16), and their relationship has to be pushed to the breaking point before Kurt puts any work in (s3e17, s5e14, s5e16, s6e1). Except when Blaine sings. In season 4 episode 4 and season 5 episode 20, Kurt asks Blaine what is wrong, but only because Blaine sang about it. Even though he is aware when Blaine is insecure or having issues, he only directly talks to Blaine about it when he sings it. This is not healthy. It encourages Blaine to withdraw and not try to keep communication open, which is already something Blaine struggles with (s3e17, s5e16). Kurt doesn’t want to communicate, and Blaine doesn’t know how to reach him. It’s dangerous and worrying.

Kurt’s Toxicity Outside His Relationship with Blaine

Now, the reason I think that the toxicity is mostly Kurt’s fault and not just a bad relationship that brings out the worst in both of them is that he acts in similar ways in his relationships with other people as well. For example, in season 1, Kurt is very predatory towards Finn. He spends much of the season hitting on him (s1e10), trying to get their parents together so they can live together (s1e16), and trying to sabotage Finn’s relationships (s1e10, s1e11). Like in his relationship with Blaine, he pushes Finn, not taking no for an answer, until Finn snaps and uses the f-slur (s1e20). Obviously, Finn shouldn’t have said that, but the actions Kurt took to drive him to that point can’t be dismissed out of hand. However, as in his arguments with Blaine, Kurt refuses to take any responsibility, playing the victim card even when Finn and Burt call him out for not understanding that no means no (s2e4, s2e14). He also exhibits jealous and possessive behaviors around Burt. When Burt starts getting closer to Finn, Kurt is unreasonably upset by it. Despite Burt being completely supportive of him, he thinks that his sexuality is the reason Burt is inviting Finn to go to sports games and not that Kurt notoriously hates sports (s1e16). In season 2, Kurt accuses Mr. Shue and Burt of being homophobic when they don’t let him do things he wants (s2e6, s2e14). He implies that Will is homophobic when he won’t let Kurt sing on the girls’ team during the season 2 girls vs. boys mash-up competition (s2e6). Then, in episode 14, Burt tells Kurt that he doesn’t want Kurt having boys sleep over in his bed, Kurt accuses Burt of being homophobic. Burt says that it’s not about that because he wouldn’t let Finn have girls sleep over in his room, but Kurt persists, asking him if that would make him uncomfortable, even though Burt had been nothing but supportive of Kurt since he came out (s2e14). When Burt has cancer and Kurt comes back to Lima in season 4 episode 22, he starts lashing out at people. First, he lashes out at Mike for bringing up the Tina Vaporape situation, and then he yells at Burt at his own doctor’s appointment for wearing a navy shirt. In season 6, Kurt gets very controlling about the glee club even though Rachel was the one who brought the club back. He fights Rachel on how to organize the sheet music (even though Rachel’s method makes more sense and his is wildly subjective) (s6e2) and what the lessons are/how to present them (s6e3). He also interrupted Santana’s proposal and was unnecessarily harsh when critiquing Mason and Jane’s performance because he’s upset about Blaine (s6e3). To list some smaller instances, Kurt also blackmails Karofsky with outing him (s2e18), snaps his fingers at waitstaff (s3e10), encourages Rachel to cheat on Finn (s4e2), and is incredibly jealous of Elliot (s4e15, s5e7). The way we see Kurt act around Blaine isn’t isolated and it’s deeply concerning.

Bow Ties and Hair Gel Symbolism

Blaine’s ties and hair gel are symbolic of his relationship with Kurt and his insecurities respectively (I know the hair gel wasn’t intentional but I noticed it, it works, so I’m using it, whereas I’m pretty sure the bow tie symbolism was intentional). First, let’s talk about bow ties. The first time we see Blaine in street clothes is in season 2 episode 14. It’s before Kurt and Blaine start dating, and Blaine doesn’t wear a bow tie. The first time we see Blaine in a bow tie is in season 3 episode 1. Blaine has just transferred to McKinley for Kurt, and their relationship is very strong. However, their relationship is still new, and thus the bow tie is not yet Blaine’s signature. But he wears one here to signify his commitment to Kurt and their relationship. He continues to wear bow ties frequently through season 3, but not religiously. However, he does wear them more and more as the season progresses. There are a few notable exceptions to this. The first is in episode 5. When Blaine meets Sebastian (and every time he interacts with him), he is wearing one. When they go to Scandals, Blaine is still wearing a bow tie, but when he’s dancing with Sebastian and then when they’re fighting afterward Blaine’s tie is undone, but still around his neck. Sebastian and the musical are managing to get in between Kurt and Blaine, but Blaine still loves and cares about Kurt. They just need to get back on the same page. The second is in episode 17. Blaine does not wear a single bow tie in this episode. He does, however, wear a necktie in the scene where Kurt is texting Chandler in the choir room. In fact, when he sings It’s Not Right but It’s Ok and when Kurt sings I Have Nothing, he’s wearing a collared shirt buttoned all the way up, outfits that would normally have a bowtie, emphasizing the lack of one.

In season 4, Blaine actually stops wearing bowties almost entirely. In episodes 1 and 2, Blaine wears a bow tie with several outfits, in keeping with how frequently he wore them in season 3, not with every outfit, but with one or two outfits per episode. However, in episode 3, we get the most overt use of the bow tie as a metaphor. Early in the episode, Blaine’s wearing bow ties with all of his outfits (the most he’s worn bow ties this season), even with his weird club costumes. He brings up how he and Kurt aren’t really in sync right now, but his bow ties indicate that he’s still very committed to that relationship. Then, Kurt and Blaine are talking, and Blaine is being very supportive of Kurt and his New York adventures. Blaine mentions that he’s running for student body president, and Kurt says that he forgot about that. Blaine then asks Kurt which bow tie he should wear for the debate, and Kurt brushes it off and pivots the conversation back to him. Blaine is clearly upset, but he goes along with Kurt. This scene uses bow ties to directly illustrate how Kurt is moving on, and how it’s hurting Blaine. He’s not supporting Blaine or hearing his concerns about the relationship, and it’s driving Blaine away. This is emphasized when at the debate, Sam tells Blaine he shouldn’t wear a bow tie, saying it makes him look uptight and telling him to take it off. Blaine even agrees that he looks better without it. This symbolizes the downfall of Blaine and Kurt’s relationship. Kurt’s ignoring Blaine, and it’s given Blaine doubts about the relationship. Blaine doesn’t wear a bow tie for the rest of the episode, as Kurt continues to ignore Blaine, even though Blaine getting elected. Blaine continues this pattern in episode 4, not wearing a single bow tie for the whole episode, and after the breakup, he only wears 3 bow ties in the entire rest of the season. He wears one at the Sadie Hawking’s dance, right after confessing his crush on Sam to Tina (s4e11) and one in the final song of season 4 episode 20, after having a moment with a guy at Sue’s exercise class. Notably, he doesn’t wear a bow tie to Will and Emma’s wedding, where he starts to reconnect with Kurt, he wears a necktie, but interestingly, Kurt wears a bow tie. Blaine even comments on it, saying, “You in this fey boy-tie. Dude, it’s my kryptonite”. He does, however, wear one later in that episode, after several leading conversations with Kurt. They’re not back together though, so Blaine doesn’t wear another bow tie until season 5 episode 1 (he also wears one in Kurt’s fantasy of Come What May, but Blaine isn’t actually wearing it, Kurt’s fantasy version of him is, which makes sense).

In season 5, he gets much more consistent with wearing bow ties. It’s now his signature, so when he doesn’t wear one, it’s usually significant, and if he doesn’t wear one at all in an episode it’s definitely significant. Even before he officially asks Kurt to get back together with him, Blaine is wearing bow ties with all of his outfits. After they get back together and get engaged, Blaine continues to wear bow ties with most of his outfits. Let’s briefly go through some important examples. In episode 7, Kurt and Blaine get into a fight because Blaine didn’t tell Kurt that he couldn’t come to his first Pamela Landsbury gig, and Blaine isn’t wearing a bow tie. In episode 14, Blaine doesn’t wear a single bow tie until after he and Kurt have the conversation about him moving out, and then he wears a bow tie with every outfit in the remainder of the episode. He also doesn’t wear any bow ties at all in episode 16. Even after Blaine and Kurt have their conversation about communication and trust, Blaine still doesn’t wear a bow tie, signaling that he still isn’t happy with the relationship or himself. In episode 18, Blaine wears a lot of bow ties early in the episode, including when June tells him to break up with Kurt, however, when he lies to Kurt about him being in June’s showcase, he isn’t wearing one. He continues not wearing bow ties in episode 19 and early episode 20, as June and his lie drive a wedge between them. However, in the reconciliation scene, Blaine is wearing a bow tie, as he offers to give up the showcase and Kurt forgives him. Blaine wears a bow tie at the showcase and when moving back in with Kurt, but not in the goodbye or the scene where Rachel confirms she’s leaving, perhaps foreshadowing the season 6 break up. Season 6 is when Blaine is actually most consistent in wearing bow ties, which is interesting because he isn’t even with Kurt for most of it. It shows how Blaine is still deeply in love with Kurt despite appearances of moving on. The only two really important scenes in season 6 are the breakup scene in episode 1 and the elevator scenes in episode 5. He isn’t wearing a bow tie in the breakup scene, which makes sense, but other than that, he’s seen wearing a bow tie with almost every outfit for the rest of the season (a mini exception is when he tries to completely switch it up in episode 2, which doesn’t really need analysis but is a good example of this symbolism in action), and every scene with Dave. The interesting part is the elevator scenes. Blaine starts out wearing a bow tie but undoes it while in the elevator. Previously, this had been used to represent an issue in their relationship, but I don’t think that’s what it represents here. Blaine has been carrying his love for Kurt with him into his new relationship, afraid to let go of the good, but also unable to let go of the pain he experienced during the relationship. It’s restricting him. Blaine undoing the tie but keeping it around his neck is him opening up to Kurt, allowing the restrictive aspect to go, without letting go of the love he still clearly feels.

Now, on to the speculative part, Blaine’s hair gel. Throughout the show, Blaine starts using more hair gel and suppressing his natural curl pattern even more. In season 2, Blaine's hair is gelled, but in a way that embraces his natural hair. You can still tell that he has curly hair underneath it all, and it reflects the relaxed, more confident, version of Blaine that we see at this point in the show (ex. s2e6). Kurt only reinforces Blaine’s insecurities, and this is demonstrated in season 3 episode 19. Blaine is worried about not being able to gel his hair for prom, and Kurt initially laughs at and dismisses Blaine’s concerns. Then, at prom, when Kurt first sees Blaine without hair gel, his first responses are, “Oh dear God,” and then laughing. He does eventually say that he wants to see the real Blaine, however, all of his actions leading up to this point don't support that, despite his knowledge of how insecure Blaine is. Blaine’s hair is used as a metaphor for Blaine letting his walls down within the episode, but the whole interaction is a metaphor for the way Kurt acts around Blaine for the entire show. He reinforces Blaine’s concerns and insecurities while saying with his words that he supports and loves him. Clearly, Blaine doesn’t believe that Kurt likes seeing him with his natural hair because, over the course of Blaine's relationship with Kurt, he tightens his hair even more. Slowly, his hair gets tighter and tighter to his scalp. Compare season 2 episode 6, to season 3 episode 5, to season 4 episode 1. We even see Blaine with gelled hair going to sleep and waking up when he's around Kurt (s4e4,s5e14, s5e16). Waking up with perfectly gelled hair is especially interesting because it implies that either Blaine is using some crazy strong hair gel to avoid his hair moving in the middle of the night, or that he's getting up putting hair gel in, and then getting back into bed, so Kurt doesn't see him with his natural hair. The only time we see Blaine with his natural hair, or even with more relaxed hair, are in episodes during the break up where Kurt isn’t seeing Blaine (s4e13, s4e17). It's the tightest in season 5 episode 14, which is also one of the episodes where Blaine is at his worst. He's struggling with his insecurities in a major way, and when he goes over to Elliott's house, his hair is basically Shellacked to his head (s5e14). It loosens a little bit in the next few episodes, however, there is no significant difference until season 6. It's still not back to where it was in season 2, however now that he and Kurt aren’t together anymore, he seems to have let his hair relax a little (ex s6e2). He even briefly stops gelling his hair after breaking up with Kurt. However, his insecurities run too deep and he starts doing it again. In the end, Blaine does stop gelling his hair, but he’s still unable to be his true self around Kurt and starts straightening his hair instead (s6e13). Blaine is never able to let go of his insecurities and be himself around Kurt, and both the symbolic and literal implications of this illustrate perfectly how terrible his relationship with Kurt is for Blaine.

Conclusion

In conclusion, Kurt and Blaine’s relationship isn’t healthy, and the responsibility is mostly on Kurt. Despite their chemistry and outward appearances, their relationship is toxic and potentially abusive. Kurt doesn’t care about Blaine, he cares about himself, and he’s willing to destroy Blaine’s life if it benefits him. Blaine, on the other hand, cares so deeply about Kurt that he doesn’t even care that their relationship is damaging to him. They struggle with even the basic communication and trust that a relationship needs, and seem to believe that love is the only thing they need to keep their relationship alive. Kurt is manipulative, cruel, and takes every opportunity to tear Blaine down so he can have power over him. He hates being vulnerable and needs to be able to exert control over Blaine. He uses Blaine’s insecurity and inexperience to assure that Blaine is as small and reliant on Kurt as possible. He holds Blaine’s every little mistake over Blaine’s head, refuses to take responsibility for any of their problems, and minimizes his own mistakes. Kurt is incredibly jealous, often unfoundedly, and yet calls Blaine unreasonable when he displays any signs of jealousy himself. Their relationship damages Blaine irreparably, to the point that comparing Blaine in season 2 to Blaine in season 6 shows two almost completely different people. But it doesn’t come out of nowhere, Kurt systematically and intentionally cuts Blaine down and turns him into the person he wants him to be. A person he can control. It is not random, it is not uncharacteristic for either of them and when their relationship is interpreted through this lens, explains a lot about how Blaine develops as a character. Even if their relationship isn’t abusive, it certainly isn’t good, and it shouldn’t be romanticized.

#glee #klaine #kurt hummel #blaine anderson #glee meta #glee headcanon #gleeposting 😔#just my opinion lol #but if anyone wants to fight me on this i do require that you read my full analysis first #just so you dont embarrass yourself #lol #im obviously not trying to cancel kurt or klaine or anything like that #i just want to point this out since i havent seen anyone mention it #and maybe encourage yall not to romanticize their relationship #sorry this took so long to write #asks #agronsland

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