#the prequels are all about people trying to save their world and failing

[charmwasjess]

I think I realized what is giving me such frisson about Sifo-Dyas's whole last words/final transmission to the Temple thing.

It's the fact of a prequel character, in an era that is so much about inevitable narrative doom, cynicism, and corruption from within, looking straight into the camera and earnestly saying "I've done my best."

Like. It didn't work. But I don't know, there's something really beautiful about that moment.

[glassshard]

Whenever I don’t like a major piece of media I really like to analyze why. Ever since the RLM Star Wars Prequels reviews I’ve found this exercise super helpful. I think it’s even more helpful than analyzing why I love a piece of media, since my heart is a lot more shallow than my head, and will happily latch onto media with all kinds of problems simply because a boy was stabbed in a sexy way or the music was good.

But after ten hours of Baldur’s Gate 3 this weekend, I just had to drop it. I don’t like the game. It charmed me at first with its high production values and its excellent exploration, but my ardour cooled quickly as it began to butt up against my personal predilections. At first it did so in totally subjective ways with its unlovable D&D mechanics. I don’t know D&D and the game did not have any interest in teaching me about it. It just kinda throws you into a system that has no place in a video game in my opinion, full of unnecessary tedium and opaque mechanics. But you know what, that’s just me. Plenty of people love it. I could deal with bad gameplay, I like lots of games that play like crap. Let me sing you a song of the Legacy of Kain series.

But then the story failed to grip me. It’s written like fanfiction, with no explanation for any of the races, proper nouns, or concepts because you’re expected to already know them. I love in media res, but c’mon. Ya know what though? Still just my opinion. Open world games are super popular, lots of people love them. Remember how much you enjoyed Dark Souls? Look at that vampire, keep going. Sure he’s walking around during the day and vampirism in this setting just seems to equate to some Spirit Halloween accessories but it’s fine!

But then! But then! Then that vampire killed my character in a cutscene! And I thought that was GREAT. Unexpected! Finally! The game’s getting good! I’m invested! I’ll need to save scum and reload but-

Wait, I don’t need to? That wasn’t a game over? I can... I can rez my character? My character died in a story cutscene and I can have another character rez them with a scroll? And then... then I can go talk to the vampire because he’s still hanging around? But I can’t even tell the other party members about it? This is... this is not right. This feels objectively not right.

You can’t use a game mechanic to rez a story death. That’s not how this works. That’s like if Cloud had pulled out a phoenix down on Aeris or Corvo just started shoving jellied eels down the dead Empress’ throat. That is deflating the very concept of death in the game. There are no stakes now. Why should I care about anything? Why do people even hate vampires in this world if death can be cleaned up with a square of toilet paper available from any shop?

Still, I pushed on, in a stubborn daze. This was a sixty dollar game, I had to keep trying!

The underwear inventory slots felt juvenile but that’s fine, that’s fine. The character designs are extremely Ren Faire, but no big deal. One of the party members is named after a Care Bear but don’t be superficial, Ashley. I can equip armour I’m not proficient in and the game’s not going to tell me why I shouldn’t, but I’m not going to take it personally. The mind control mechanic is making every interaction feel cheap and silly, and all the parasitized party members feel fake and offputting. It seems very contrived that they’re traveling together, and I don’t understand why my character would remain in the company of ANY of them when he himself knows they have his same mind-control powers and can never be trusted and sometimes the illithid powers are framed as course-altering and sometimes they’re not and nothing is consistent except the cartoonish characterization of the “evil” races but it’s fine, it’s fine, keep going

But then I got to a portion where my character was able to ask a dead Mindflayer questions about the plot. And I realised, sharply: I do not care about the answers. I do not care about this world or this cast or any schemes at play. No immersion will be happening; my suspension of disbelief is irrevocably snapped. This is a Saturday morning cartoon with dicks.

And it all really went back to rezzing that story death. While a lot of my gripes about this game are completely subjective and to do with my own tastes, I think it’s objectively bad design to allow a story death resurrection. It deflated everything for me and I couldn’t recover.

So! I did not like Baldur’s Gate 3, and in my mind my character’s story ended when their trusting nature was exploited by a vampire, and they were killed. But the experience did teach me some interesting things about my own tastes, and what I require to become invested in a video game narrative.

[lilith-is-off]

Ghostwire: tokyo x Ninjago Au #1 (?)

Ok, I'm not sure if any of my followers or mutals ever heard about this game but I opened it recently again and couldn't stop thinking about it(still not over microsoft closing tango gameworks)

So for those that don't know the game I will summarise ita bit(w/o spoilers ofc) Basically you play as guy named Akito(first pov playthrough) who got possesed by a spirit of a guy named KK after people from whole Tokyo sudennly vanished. Your job is to collect all of the souls, fighting youkai and monsters named visitors while trying to save your sister Mari from a guy named Hannya. After merging with KK, Akito gains powers that are a result of formers affinity to ether. (If you are interested in playing the game it will be free on Epic Game Store from 31st October till 7th November - Ghostwire:Tokyo- Prelude is free on both steam and EGS all the time- it's a prequel to GW:T made as a visual novel)

So for the Au:

All of the pairs will be scattered around diffrent parts of Japan

Not every duo becomes later a couple (I choose some pairs for diffrent relationship dynamics)

Spirits will later regain back their bodies(their psychical bodies are in some sort diffrent realm which is placed between world of death and livings)

Pairs are presented in order of appearance

I had to change some of game worldbuilding for the sake of the Au and my own sanity(like spirits comming back to living)

Jay (vessel) x Cole(spirit) - will become a couple

They were both part of the same team since highschool (now both in collage)

They often bicker but it is a part of their strong relationship

Back in the day others often assumed that they were already a couple (no one told them) so they both complained of begin unable to find a partner and even recived weird looks whenever one of them flirted with someone else

Cole became a spirit after a failed attempt at purifying the shrine, he knew that Jay wac close so thats why he possesed him

Cole was the one with the powers and Jay was his support with bow and talismans (plus acctual knowagle about their enemies and some sort of plan always in his head)

Before every mission Jay alwasy studied building plans so they would have a way to escape

thanks to their good cooperation Wu never woried about sending them on a mission(he never expected that eventually Cole will be th one that will end up dead)

They both know Zane(was a member in their team)

Before The Vanishing Jay was the one to make usable objects for them while studying Hannya's actions alongside with Wu and Zane

Cole was responsile for buying groceries, checking and refilling their supply from Nekomantas and cleaning(applied to both their hideout and his and Jay's collage room)

2. Kai(vessel) x Zane (spirit) - not a couple

Didn't knew eachother before

They have a hard time getting along at the begining due to personality diffrences, they make it work eventually

Zane "died" after begin stabbed by Kuchisake

Kai's goal is to rescue his kidnapped sister that was taken by unnamed man(one of people that works for Hannya)

Kai was taking care for him and Nya since their parents death

Zane never was a human- he used to be a visitor named Shiromuku that was born form negative feelings that surrounded area close to Dr. Julien's home. He was working with previous generation of Wu's team and with the help of Shimo(name I choose for previous master of ice) they managed to cleanse the visitor which later become a boy named Zane - the one that was created to protect those who cannot protect themselves

Even tho Zane's powers manifested as ice, after he mearged with Kai his powers manifested as fire which they often are mistaken as ether

after regaining Zane's body Kai loose all of his powers

3. Lloyd(vessel) x Harumi (spirit) - will become a couple

They both knew eachother since childhood - Harumi was Japan's princess and Lloyd was a son of high rank officer

Harumi used to work for Hannya but backed out when things get out of control - the reason why she joined him is bc he promised to bring backe her bio parents which end up begin a lie

Harumi was escaping from Hannya for months not knowing from whom to seek help, eventually she was separeted from her body by Hannya himself

Lloyd was always aware of other world existence and able to see what others couldn't- when he was young no one told him that he sould never reveal what he can see, so he was a lonly child

His mother dissapeared when he was 6 months old- leaving him with his father that fought with Hannya's power inside him to not turn into a visitor - this power was inherited by Lloyd and gave him other ablilities that no one was avare of (they manifested after Harumi possesion)

For a very long time Lloyd had a hard time with trusting Harumi after finding out what she did- it often put them in extreamly dnagerous positions since they were unable to cooporate and trust eachother - it often lead to them begin separated by stronger enemies

They somehow made up after Lloyd risked his life while trying to take Harumi's body from Hannya who needed it for a ritual and Harumi almost destroyed it to save Lloyd from Hannya

Once their relationship becomes more steady Harumi helps Lloyd with finding his father that left to stop The Vanishing from happening and disappeared(Lloyd found out about his father plans after finding his journal at one of his friends house)

4. Zane (vessel) x Pixal (spirit)

After Zane regains his body, him and the rest of the team (bruise and llorumi are still merged) stumbled int Cyrus Borg that worked on a project that will be an opposite of a visitor born from positive emotions and feelings and named her Pixal which become his assistant (Borg helps with defeating Hannya from the shadows)

Zane feels drawn to Pixal due to thier similiar nature

At first Pixal doesn't have a physical body - she merges with Zane which boost his powers

Pixal is extremly knowegable when it comes to youkai and visitors- Borg insisted for her to learn everything in this topic

She can sensein which direction then can stumble into a friendly youkai(better than spectral vision but is unable to sense visitors and ether objects)

She eventually gains a body that is made by Jay and filled with ether

She doesn't have powers on her own which led her to learning how to fightit

After gaining her own body she asks to refer her and Pixal or Yukine

5. Lloyd (vessel) x Morro (spirit) - not a couple

Morro is forced into Lloyd after a ritual which led to Cole and Harumi begin separeted from their partners and send somwhere else

They really don't get along

After Morro learned that Lloyd is Wu nephew he resented him even more - he was Wu student, he told him that he has a great potential but didn't let him search for Hannya. Morro escaped and end up dead and blamed Wu for it(he was a lost kid that was told he can become saviour of the world)

When their relationship finally become more steady(they found Wu that managed to made up with Morro), the team manages to travel into the realms of spirits thanks to Morro's sacrifice

6. Nya (vessel) x Cole&Harumi (both spirits)

Due to team changing the realms the world kind of fck itself and Nya ends up separated form Hannya and regains conscioudness just to realize that she have two people in her head

Thanks to two spirits in her body Nya ends up with a very strong ether energy- sometimes she lose control over it

They have a hard time with agreening on the same thing

Thanks to Harumi's obserwation they realize that Nya's the best at using water ether

They eventually end up in realm where their bodies are placed in and find Nya's and Kai's parents that were held captive there

After separating from Cole and Harumi, Nya looses all of her abilities besides weaving water ether

Even after separation Lloyd doesn't loose his powers and Jay loose them(he's only left with spectral vision and his trusty gagets)

So that's it for current partners in the Au- if it will gain some interest i will make more about it and may even make some drawings. I still need to find a way to get Kai and Jay their powers later(I have an idea that may work for Jay). I also need to make a proper timeline and explain Garmadon's connection to the story+ Harumi's powers (even if it won't end up with a lot of interestants I will be updating it(probably) but I will be focusing more on my ongoing fanfic - i swear that I am working on that next chapter.

[maulish]

I'm late to the party (wake?), but I've taken considerable time off from Star Wars. I think it was around season 2 of The Mandalorian that I really felt like this ain't it. Nothing really caught my interest enough to come back to it until The Acolyte which I now just finished watching. I should know better by now than to see what people have been saying about it, given I was around to witness how it was the prequels already that "ruined Star Wars".

While the Acolyte was a painful watch it again points out what should be obvious now. If there is anything at all that's at serious risk of ruining Star Wars (outside of bitter middle aged men on youtube), it's Disney. Disney is to Star Wars what Amazon is to Tolkien.

We all connect with particular characters, storylines and elements within the cosmos of an IP and its lore, but I think what forms the core of those emotional bonds are stories told with heart and integrity. There is something significant that Star Wars shares with LOTR in that sense. The film franchises both started out as passion projects that performed miracles with small budgets. The people working on those films came up with ways of bringing these worlds to life without the guarantee that it would pay off financially. They also created the gold standard of cinematic worldbuilding. The franchises obviously turned out to be really successful and seeing the large bult-in fanbases and now proven profitability attracted corporations which held all of the interest in the potential of financial gain, having none for the source material and core ideas that had originally propelled these franchises to begin with. These corporations instead approach the IPs with a sense of arrogance thinking that the audience will simply lap it up because of a proven emotional connection to the material, and the more they can churn out, the bigger the profit. The initial optimism and interest for a new film or series may even briefly seem to affirm that belief. Eventually the idea of all the money to be made will make the corporations look at how to cut down the costs, how to compress the production timeline. The ambition grows, but the quality of the work put into it suffers and the passion fizzles out. Instead of a dream of bringing a world to life it will become a calculation. This is where we're at. But it's that lack of passion that is always evident in the finished work.

The Acolyte is symptomatic of what corporate greed does to culture and cultural artifacts. It's not the initial idea that is the problem, it's not the main characters, it's not the wokeness. The fundamental problem that set the series on a downward path from the start was that it was planned from the POV of corporate ambition to branch out and generate a maximum amount of product to the widest and least specific audience. And they forgot about the story they were trying to tell in the process.

And on a side note, the way the Disney acquisition pushed a LOT of high quality content out of the canon just for the sake of gaining free reign should have been a clear sign of what's to come.

The Acolyte was destined to fail. It was structured in a way that assumed multiple seasons that it would never survive to see, because the story itself was poorly planned and written. The writing for the series is embarrassing to put it mildly. The series is also giving screen time to random background characters with no actual plot line, and a good chunk to a bunch of others that steal precious time from the main characters, only to all be killed off without any of them save one having made an impact. And so the first season that should have sold us on the idea sold us nothing at all.

There's the kind of 'feedback' that would have us think that there isn't room for everyone in a galaxy far, far away. And then the kind Disney ought to take to heart. But if they've shown us anything then it's that they're not yet motivated to learn from their mistakes. And until then there is no story they can't or won't ruin.

What a waste.

[fnaf-stories-and-posts]

Halloween Night at Freddy’s (Pizzaplex) [Act Two]

Prequel fic to Christmas With A Freddy by ShadowBelle23 (Me) on AO3.

Since Evan is now being called Dave. I know that some people think that Cassidy is the crying child and Afton’s son while Dave is the fifth victim of Afton. No, it’s vice versa because of Princess Quest.

Since there’s already a living child character in this fanfic called Dave, I’ll leave the name Evan alone. Also, I wrote this fanfic a year ago and I’m going through it now to polish it up compared to the original AO3 post.

Word Count: 4,334

Character Count: 23,770

Reading Time: 15 minutes 46 seconds

Speaking Time: 24 minutes 5 seconds

————————————————————

*The Next Day*

Max was in Skylands with Ro-bow at his side, he had called a meeting with some of the Portal Masters that were available. If some didn’t show up, he was content with it as long as the word got out. So far, it’s just him, Isabel, Rachel, Crystal, Amelia, Jamie, Gin and Elliott.

They currently sit in one of the spare living rooms that the Academy has. Max understands that this isn’t a typical “Skylands in danger” reason to be serious, so Master Eon wasn’t with them.

“So, I’ve gathered you all here today. I know that we usually do meetings for serious Save Worlds situations, but today isn’t it,” Max says as they listen. “Recently, my friend Dave and I went to Freddy’s Pizzaplex and we discovered an abandoned animatronic underground. We believe she’s having emotional trauma about herself for feeling abandoned and unwanted. She even shooed me and my friend away with slight aggression. But even if we’re not Portal Masters saving worlds, we know in our hearts it’s right to help another in need.”

They all nodded in agreement and Max showed them the pamphlet. “Glamrock Freddy told me that they’re doing a Halloween special for customers to stay there overnight like a sleepover. When the place closes and everyone leaves, the whole building is ours to do as we please. We could bring our Skylander friends to help out looking for her,” Max continues.

“Her?” Rachel asks curiously.

“She doesn’t have a proper name. She was given 1Z-2Y, so we named her Onesie. I think she was supposed to be a human Glamrock animatronic but I guess she never made it to the Final Cut after being built, therefore forgotten by the company,” Max clarifies.

“Ouch, talk about getting a hard kick to the shin by rejection,” Jamie winces.

“I’m in, I would like to enjoy a day to forget about work to get the Taylor Swift songs out of my head,” Isabel admits.

Everyone laughs. They have known Isabel long enough to know that when it comes to working at the movie theater, they know sometimes she ends up getting the end credit songs stuck in her head if there are lyrics. Even the annoyingly catchy ones. But because of the Eras Tour, it’s nothing but songs playing in multiple theaters.

“I love Taylor Swift. Bless her heart. But I feel like I’m losing my sanity constantly hearing her songs,” Isabel continues, and everyone continues laughing. “I’m serious, I’m at this point that I’m going to have to look up song titles from the span of seven years I’ve heard from the end credits to make a Spotify playlist just to get her out of my head.”

“I’m in for it, staying overnight at a business sounds fun,” Rachel admits.

“And we’re not getting in trouble for it,” Jamie adds. Since people in the past have either successfully or failed to stay overnight at a business since after closing hours makes it trespassing or “breaking and entering” some would stay.

“I’m in!” Crystal says. “Sounds like fun.”

Amelia, Gin, and Elliott look at the pamphlet. Amelia was on her phone trying to see how much the reservation was. Because something like that isn’t cheap. Sure enough, Amelia squeaked as her eyes widened in shock. She showed her phone to Gin and Elliott, they were shocked as well before she showed the others. Matching the same expression too when they saw the price.

“Dang,” Isabel says in surprise. “That’s a lot more bucks than a private reservation party for the Eras screening.”

“How on Earth are we gonna come up with that amount of money in a short period? Some of us that have jobs don’t have the affordability for that!” Rachel then asks.

“I know that Mags can turn treasure here into authentic Earth money, but I don’t know if I have enough treasure saved for this sort of thing,” Jamie admits.

(I know they could ask the Golden Queen for help but they don’t want to take advantage and abuse her power like that.)

Even the others agreed with Jamie. That is until they heard Isabel take a deep calm breath in and they looked at her. “I may have years worth of treasure put to the side,” Isabel admits.

“How much?” Gin asks curiously and Isabel makes a thinking sound. “Honestly, I’d rather show you,” she says. Which made everyone intrigued. They quickly went to the house she shared with Rattle Shake, they went into the living room and Isabel moved the furniture using her Chaos Emerald and uncovered the floor from a rug.

She turns her knife into a crowbar to reveal a hidden latch door that camouflages with the floor. Revealing an underground “bunker” of sorts. Rachel immediately goes down in the hole first. It wasn’t too deep and she could easily climb out.

“Isabel!” She exclaims in awe at what she witnessed. “You have ten Imaginite Chests full of treasure?!”

All of her friends look at her and she gives a smug look. “What better way to reuse them? And it’s not just treasure from Skylands, there’s thousands of gold rings from Sonic’s world too,” Isabel says. “Besides, I’m now curious about how much I’ve gotten in Earth money now.”

Her friends squeal in glee. After getting one of the chests to Mags, it was enough to pay for the Halloween reservation and more that they added to the package deal as a treat. Thankfully those who have jobs were able to get the day off for it.

*October 31st 2023*

The day finally came and it was Halloween. They got there around opening time and an employee greeted them inside. “Hello everyone, my name is Carol and I’m your Faz-tenant for your room today,” the employee greets herself. “If you’ll follow me, please, I’ll guide you to your room.”

So they do reluctantly. Their party room is like a large hotel suite with a large living space with beds in a different room. It was decently decorated with Halloween and Fall decor.

“This is your party suite for you to stay and relax whenever you feel the need to. Our employees will not enter here during your stay so you won’t feel disturbed unless you ask for provided services or have any concerns about the room. But, we do care about your safety here for your overnight stay,” Carol continues and opens a closet with a metal briefcase in it and hands Rachel it.

“This contains your access key Fazbands to your suite, there’s even trackers in them so the animatronics can find you throughout the Pizzaplex. There’s even a health detection concern security, HDCS, in case of emergencies if you’re having an allergic reaction, stroke, seizure, high blood pressure, sudden fatigue, or any serious health concerns and the band will immediately send an alert to 911. And please do not lose or break the bands, they’re not cheap to replace.”

“Don’t worry, I added a down payment in case of accidents,” Isabel adds. “Thank you, Carol.”

“You’re welcome,” she says before remembering something before she decides to leave. “Also you’re welcome to come and leave the Pizzaplex as long as you wear your band in case of emergencies or if you want to just leave for something. Anyways, I’ll leave you guys to your fun, Superstars.”

“Speaking of Superstars, is there anyone coming to the Daycare today?” Isabel asks curiously. Carol pursed her lips and checked her clipboard. “I don’t think so, nothing has been scheduled or called in. It is Halloween and kids will be trick or treating,” Carol says.

“Can Sun hang out with us? If no one is coming to the Daycare today, I don’t want poor Sun being stuck in Daycare with no one to talk to and with no one to have fun with,” Isabel then explains.

“Fair,” Carol says, agreeing with her. “I will allow it, but if someone does have to leave a child in Daycare, he has to go back to his work, okay?” Isabel then nods. “Alright, have fun, Superstars.” Then she leaves.

“Aw, typical Izzy being the generous one,” Rachel smiles.

“I’m right, you know. Halloween is the one time of the year when kids will be with their parents away from home. So having the Daycare open today is kinda pointless. Besides, I don’t want to leave bored people away from having a good time,” Isabel admits.

Rachel then opens the briefcase on the coffee table and inside are various bands with a simple one-color pallet or is designed for a certain character’s color palette. “Ooh, dibs on this one!” Isabel says, gladly taking the Sun/Moon band.

Rachel chuckles and decides to have a band to match her Chaos Emerald including Jamie. Crystal chose mint green while Amelia chose a yellow one with pearl white accents. Gin chose cyan and Elliott chose a powdered black.

“I wish they had the Sun/Moon one separately. I would have chosen Moon and you can be Sun,” Elliott tells Isabel.

“Nah, Amelia would be Sun because of her element,” Isabel says and Elliott lightly laughs at that statement with Amelia. “But I agree, Elliott.”

Currently, Max and Dave are having a Rock, Paper, Scissors battle over the Freddy and Monty bands. “You know, you could flip a coin to see who gets what,” Isabel tells them before handing them a quarter. “Freddy is heads. Monty is tails. Someone makes the call without looking at what side will the coin is up. Depends on who’s right or wrong will get said band.”

“Easy,” Max says and lets Dave flip the coin. “I chose heads.” Dave flips and heads is up. Max gets Freddy and Dave gets Monty.

Everyone then leaves their belongings as they go to have fun. Isabel decides to go into the Daycare to find Sun via a big slide into the ball pit. After getting up, she looks around and doesn’t see Sun anywhere. “Hello?! Sun?! Are you here?!” Isabel calls out to him.

She then sees Sun jump off from his balcony and into the ball pit before emerging from it. Then he sees her. “Well hello there, I wasn’t expecting a visitor to come to my domain this early. Do you plan on leaving any kids here soon? So far, my databanks tell me no one is coming in today,” he says, sounding slightly disappointed at the last bit.

“Sadly no. I’m one of the overnight visitors today for Halloween. I talked to Carol and she’s allowing you to be dismissed from your job to have fun with us until someone comes to drop off a child,” Isabel says before holding out her hand. “I’m Isabel, you can call me Izzy if you wish.”

“Aw, thank you,” Sun says, charmingly holding her hand and gently shaking it. “I’ve always liked Carol. But I’m supposed to stay here in case any kids show up and I’m not allowed to leave.”

“Sun, you’re dismissed until otherwise. Besides, there’s kids in our group anyways so you won’t be missing out,” Isabel says. “And if you still refuse, I’ll carry you out myself.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Sun chuckles. “Let me just get my security badge quickly.” He then walks to the desk to get his special badge with a lanyard attachment. “I can’t leave this behind, it’s too important to leave around in the open.”

As Sun was about to grab his badge, Isabel saw a blinking green light before he snatched it. “What was that?” Isabel asks curiously.

“My AI reader. Whenever I want to take my badge, I have to scan my AI first as a safety protocol. Because if someone like you snatches it without my AI scan, the lights in the Daycare will turn off and Moon will come out to hunt for the badge to retrieve it back,” Sun explains before approaching Isabel. “Since you got Carol to dismiss me, you will be my trusted Czar of my card until I need it back. But you have to promise to never use its power without my granted permission or to ever take it off.”

“I promise, Sun,” Isabel says and they pinky promise to it. Then she allows Sun to put it around her neck like a medallion of honor. She is sincere in keeping this trust.

The two walk out of the Daycare, hand in hand, and they find Isabel’s friends talking to the Glamrocks at the stage area. Guess Max was introducing his animatronic friends to the Portal Masters. Guess they heard them coming since they turned to see them. “And that’s Isabel,” Max says to Freddy and his band.

“It’s nice to meet all of you,” Freddy says and his band members agree. Then the bear sees Sun. “But Sun, aren’t you supposed to be in your area?”

“Yes, but Isabel got Carol to dismiss me. For now, until someone decides to drop off their kid. Highly unlikely today, but I’m willing to join the fun,” Sun says cheerfully.

“He made me his card Czar until he needs it back. I promised to not use it without his granted permission,” Isabel adds. “And to never take it off. I’ve been told it’s important.”

“I’m glad you’re a friend to Sun,” Freddy then smiles. “And letting him join you guys, he doesn’t get out of the Daycare much.”

“That is true,” Sun sheepishly admits. “But, I’m excited to see every inch of this place as possible.” He chuckles.

“But also be wary of The Blob too,” Monty adds. “It usually doesn’t leave the underground when we’re busy, but it’s best to warn you in case you come across it.”

The group nods and considers the warning. They then take off in different directions while the band gets ready for today. “So Sun, any thoughts on where you want to go first?” Isabel asks, and Sun shakes his head.

“I’ve never left the Daycare for fun or leisure before,” he admits.

“That’s okay, we can play Fazer Blast together,” Isabel smiles. “It will be fun.”

“And the card?” Sun asks in concern, not wanting her to lose it or let it fall off.

“I know you said not to take it off, but I can tuck it into my supportive garment for safety,” she assures Sun. “Don’t worry, I’m clean, my garment is clean. If I sweat on it, I can replace the lanyard and wash the card.” Knowing he can be a bit germaphobic.

“Thank you,” Sun sighed contentedly before they went there. The employee there almost denied Sun playing if it wasn’t for Carol. Probably because the place was dark enough for Moon to be triggered to come out.

Thankfully Sun assures the employee that as long as there is some light, Moon can’t come out. They were the only ones there, usually, they would start the game if there were more people. But Carol let the two play together.

While they watched the video, Sun and Isabel decided to role-play for the game. They continued with the space theme, Sun is an alien protector of the galaxy called Supernova, and Isabel is Dr. Mars. An evil mad scientist with the desire to become the God of the Milky Way.

Sun’s keycard that Isabel has. Is the keycard for Dr. Mars’ destruction of Earth to conquer it. The only way to stop Dr. Mars’ missiles from destroying countries is if Sun captures all of Isabel’s flags before the countdown launch ends.

To be honest, Isabel didn’t care if she lost during role-play. She wanted Sun to be happy. She proceeded to play, capturing Sun’s flags until she soon realized they each had one flag standing. Isabel decides to defend her only flag and sees Sun approaching. “Give it up, Dr. Mars!” He says triumphantly. “Your reign is coming to an end and I will make sure justice will be served!”

Cheesy, guess he’s not familiar with acting and action movies to come up with a good line. But it can be pardoned, he’s a Daycare attendant, not an actor. Before Isabel says anything, all the lights in Fazer Blast go out; audio, their suits, everything. And Sun starts to freak out. Then Isabel heard the PA squeal, hoping it was a sign of employee concern that they could fix. But it was not, instead, Isabel hears this;

“In shadows deep, Isabel, beware.

The Moon's cold gaze, your life laid bare.

A serial killer's eerie song in darkness chill,

Isabel, your fate, he longs to fulfill.”

A female sing song voice while Sun resists Moon from coming out. He fails before hearing him change. Using her phone light, she sees Moon in all his glory.

“Naughty, Naughty,” Moon tisks at her, taking the Fazer Blast suit off. “You must be punished.” Isabel didn’t bother to ask why or what for. Moon is unhinged and after her. She starts parkouring across from above rather than dealing with the maze structure below. Moon decides to do the same thing too to follow her. Out of all the robots she fought and destroyed, this one, she cannot.

She was okay with Moon following her as long as she was out of reach to bring him into the light. If Moon refuses, she can use her powers to bring him out. She runs out of Fazer Blast, past the employee who is confused as to why the lights are off and running. But when Moon came out, they quickly put two and two together and went away.

Isabel was soon out in the light of the Pizzaplex while Moon stalked in the shadows at the entryway of Fazer Blast. Isabel checks her surroundings and no one is around, so she uses her Emerald to force Moon out telepathically. It works but he still resists. Once he was out in the light, Moon switched back to Sun.

“Rule breaker! Rule breaker! You’re banned from the Daycare!” Sun says angrily as his programming kicks in before he realizes where he is.

“Isabel, did the lights…?”

“Yeah.”

“Did Moon…?”

“No.”

He then sighs in relief.

“Do you remember what happened after switching?” Isabel then asks curiously.

“Besides the light turning off? No,” Sun says.

“Then is Moon listening?” She then asks.

“Yeah, he’s always listening,” Sun admits, then he was quiet like he was listening. “Moon asked if you heard someone singing over the PA.”

“How could I not? It was creepy. How did they know we were in there, and how did they know my name?” Isabel then wonders curiously.

“I don’t know, as much as I loved having that short amount of fun with you, I’d feel better at the Daycare knowing that there isn’t a creepy person trying to harm people,” Sun admits and Isabel understands.

“Then I’m sorry your fun was short-lived, Sun,” she then says sadly.

“Don’t be, I had a great time. I just don’t want to risk Moon coming out again. He’s quite unpredictable and chaotic and I don’t know what he’ll do if he’s out again.” He says assuringly before pausing. “You can be sometimes.” That was directed towards Moon.

Isabel chuckles. “How about you take a break in your area? It sounds like whenever you change, it’s painful to you. And don’t worry, I will warn my friends of what’s going on.”

“Okay,” Sun sighs before cheering himself up again. “I will not let this get me down, for you and your friends, Izzy.”

Isabel smiles and gives him back his keycard and returns the vests and blaster to Fazer Blaster. Isabel then frowns in worry as she goes to find her friends. The only person that knew she and Sun were in there was Carol. Did Carol turn off the lights on purpose? And was that her over the PA? Something suspicious was going on and she didn’t like it.

She found her friends in the arcade together, she didn’t know if it was a good idea to speak out loud of what just occurred to her. She didn’t know if Carol was listening.

“Rachel. Jamie. Didn’t you get my text?” Isabel asks and Rachel looks at her confused.

“What text?” Rachel asks and Isabel then sends her message to Jamie and Rachel in a group text. They both looked at their phones as they heard their text ringtones. Reading the text she sent about what happened at Fazer Blaster.

“Okay, we’ll be careful,” Jamie says. “And we’ll let the others know.”

“I’m gonna be at the suite. I’m not used to danger being thrown at me when I’m in a comfortable environment,” Isabel sighs.

“Alright,” Rachel says and looks at her phone, not even noon yet. “At noon, we’ll eat lunch together. Afterward, bring Sun to the suite, we’ll need to come up with a plan to figure out what’s going on and who’s doing this.”

Isabel nods and hugs them before leaving. Jamie then sighs in frustration. “The one day I was hoping to have a break from heroism,” he says in exasperation.

“Sadly I don’t think this is something we can blow off and ignore,” Rachel adds. “As long as there are bad people out there, we have to stand up against them. Especially if a bad person is targeting one of our friends.”

“I know,” Jamie sighs. The others weren’t happy either, saying the same thing as Jamie did. When lunch came, Isabel felt guilty even though it was not her fault. Causing her to stress eat her feelings.

“Isabel,” Gin says and slides her plate of brownies away from her. “It’s not your fault. You have nothing to blame yourself for.”

“Yeah!” Elliott agrees. “Besides, me and Gin betted how long it would be until we had to start doing our hero work.”

“Who lost?” Isabel asks and Gin raises his hand.

“Besides, October is serial killer season anyway. Who wouldn’t want to take down a Michael Myers wannabe anyway?” Gin adds. “We’re not gonna stay here overnight and twiddle our thumbs, knowing there’s a killer on the loose until someone is dead. We’ll take care of this together.”

“I guess I can repay you guys for a movie,” Isabel chuckles.

“You don’t have to repay us,” Amelia assures her. “But we won’t hesitate on that offer though. Now cheer up before we get Sun to tickle you until your lungs hurt.”

“Guys, not in public,” Isabel says bashfully with a slightly embarrassed tone which makes everyone laugh.

Once lunch was over, Isabel quickly got Sun and his badge. Then they went to meet their friends at the suite. Sitting together in the living room and looking at the map of the building’s layout. To keep their conversation private in case there is a hidden bug in the room, Isabel, Rachel, and Jamie use their Emeralds to create a magic static sound around the group to keep anyone from knowing their plans.

“So, what do we do in a situation like this?” Isabel asks. “There’s a psycho murderer on the loose. I may not watch a lot of horror films, but I do know it makes targeting us easier while apart. Unless that’s what they expect us to do.”

“But we don’t know what they’re planning,” Rachel says before looking at Crystal. “I know you can handle yourself. But I don’t wish for anything bad to happen to you, and I wish for you to stay with one of the Glamrocks while we work, okay?” Crystal nods, not arguing with her sister.

Rachel continues. “It’ll be me, Jamie, you, Amelia, Gin and Elliott. With Sun’s help if he wishes. While Dave and Max go find Onesie underground. Since Dave isn’t a Portal Master. Max, I want you to summon Ro-Bow to be with you to protect him and to help you in case you run into trouble underground.”

“I don’t mean to interrupt,” Gin says. “But this place is massive. How are the seven of us going to cover so much ground while trying not to get killed?”

“We have access to the security feed in the cameras. We can keep an eye on the footage of which rooms you’re not in,” Sun informs. “With my badge, I can have access to emergency communicators we have that you guys can talk to each other with.”

“Like special walkie-talkies?” Dave asks and Sun nods.

“Okay, that solved one problem,” Rachel sighs in relief. “Isabel, you can patrol around the arcades. I will stay at Monty’s while Jamie is at Roxy’s Raceway. Amelia goes to Chica’s Mazereise. Gin at Bonnie Bowl and Elliott at Fazer Blast.”

“Since it’s Halloween, the building will close at nine,” Sun continues to inform them. “Because of how slow it is, I’m sure they will be gone soon after.”

“Then we grab the communicators and split,” Isabel nods. “For now, we wait.”

That was the hard part. Time anxiously ticking by felt slow, by the time it was three PM, they did everything they could at the Pizzaplex to keep themselves entertained until their options dwindled. So they made the reasonable choice; sleep. If they were going to deal with a serial killer, they’re going to need all the rest they can get.

[callahanisms]

are you on the square?

as i wrote in an earlier post, here is a shitpost about which ghost songs i’d assign to the hotd cast. i am a massive ghost fan outside of hotd and have written my fair share of fics. :)

all of these songs tend to have catholic references (as is the nature of ghost). but some of them fit really well with ghost especially since the faith of the seven is based off of christianity.

ser criston cole

from the pinnacle to the pit - meliora

in reference to criston soiling his white cloak, the man quite literally has a fall from grace. which i find aligns with the imagery present in this song since it involves an angel being cast out of heaven. but unlike the angel, criston has a savior to catch him.

“you are cast out from the heavens to the ground, blackened feathers falling down. you will wear your independence like a crown.”

daemon targaryen

darkness at the heart of my love - impera

daemon loves the people around him. but in a literal sense, his love is tainted. there’s something dangerous about his love (seen with rhaenyra). it’s only befitting to give him a song that mirrors the complexity of his love whether it’s love for his wife, for his brother, for his children.

“there’s a darkness at the heart of my love that runs cold, runs deep. the darkness at the heart of my love, so bold, so sweet. and all this time you knew that i would put you through the darkness at the heart of my love for you.”

rhaenyra targaryen

deus in absentia - meliora

deus in absentia is a song that questions the state of the world (and is part of the whole theme of meliora which interrogates a world without god). since rhaenyra has plunged westeros into war, it’s a song that fits with her worldview being challenged and for her to have to interrogate a world without her father.

“you’re so goddamn frail, failing for a change. you had just begun to explore the dark in the urban night. the world is on fire and you are here to stay and burn with me. a funeral pyre. and we are here to revel forevermore.”

alicent hightower

witch image - prequelle

alicent opened pandora’s box when she wore that green dress to rhaenyra’s wedding celebration. and arguably, she is responsible for the death of many people (even if done without her knowledge and whether or not she wanted it to happen). however the woman is willing to do anything to protect her children even at the cost of other lives.

“while you sleep in early delight, someone’s flesh is rotting tonight like no other to you. what you’ve done, you cannot undo. while you sleep in early delight, still your soul will suffer this plight. but like a mother would save her own child from digging a grave.”

aegon targaryen

absolution - meliora

as the oldest son, aegon has responsibilities. he has responsibilities of assuming the throne despite rhaenyra’s position as heir. he hates having these expectations and personally wishes that his sister would ascend faster. the meaning of the word absolution is a formal release from guilt, an obligation, or a punishment. and well, aegon wishes to be free from his obligation as prince.

“ever since you’ve been born, you’ve been dying. every day a little more you’ve been dying. dying to reach the setting sun. as a child with your mind on the horizon, over corpses to the eyes you kept your eyes on, trying to be the chosen one.”

aemond targaryen

spillways - impera

ever since losing his eye, aemond has felt anger and bitterness for most of his waking hours. it never goes away. and it all builds up over the years until it eventually begins to seep out and affect the people around him. it affected vhagar, it affected his mother. and he just lets his emotions continue to fuel his body and soul.

“all your faith, all your rage, all your pain, it ain’t over now and i ain’t talking about forgiveness! all your faith, all your rage, all your pain, it ain’t over now. it’s the cruel beast that you feed. it’s your burning, yearning, need to bleed through the spillways, through the spillways of your soul.”

helaena targaryen

ghuleh/zombie queen - infestissumam

queen helaena is a figure revered amongst the smallfolk. she is beloved by them. they see her as the rightful queen rather than rhaenyra. of course, her death becomes a morale boost for the greens and enhances aegon’s claim. she becomes a figure that lives in the smallfolk’s mind even after her death.

“the moon is full and shines. an evil blinding light. under a monolith, her likeness, marble white. zombie queen! zombie queen! black light guides you. ghuleh! ghuleh!”

jacaerys velaryon

hunter’s moon - impera

when he received news about the death of his younger brother, prince jacaerys swore vengeance on luke’s grave. he swore he would kill aemond. and the dance of the dragons is the perfect time for him to achieve that vengeance. he’s quite literally hunting for aemond.

“it’s been a long time coming, i’m coming back for you, my friend. to where we’d hide as children, i’m coming back for you, my friend. though my memories have faded they come back to haunt me once again! and though my mind is somewhat jaded now, it’s time for me to strike again. tonight, it’s a hunter’s moon!”

[burnnouts]

Quick Bio: Padmé Amidala is a senator who represented the people of Naboo during the final years of the Galactic Republic. Prior to her career in the Senate, she was the elected Queen of Naboo, having run her first campaign at only fourteen years old. Padmé's two terms as queen were so successful that the people of Naboo campaigned for her to have an unprecedented third term, but she declined and was assigned as a senator by the newly elected queen instead. During her time in politics, Padmé often worked closely with the Jedi Knights, eventually falling in love with one, Anakin Skywalker, and marrying him in secret. Anakin, having a dream that she died in childbirth, fell to the dark side to protect her, and became Darth Vader, and their children--Luke and Leia--were hidden across the galaxy for their protection.

Note: Padmé is a canon character from the Star Wars universe. I pull mainly from the prequel films for her characterization, though I am in the process of reading the 2020 novel, Queen's Shadow. I have not seen the Clone Wars show (yet).

Extended bio under cut:

TWs: pregnancy, death in child birth, (fictional) politics

A human born on the planet of Naboo, Padmé was a precocious child who spent every day baking and often traveled with her father on relief missions to offer aid on suffering, nearby planets. When she was seven, she helped a planet relocate after ecological disaster, but when the plan failed, and the people were unable to adapt to their new world, Padmé was devastated and vowed that she would try 10,000 times in order to save just one person.

Although her family came from modest origins, Padmé showed great promise (and motivation) from a very early age, devoting herself to public serve, and, at just eight years old, became a junior senatorial adviser. She attended the Theed Royal Academy to study politics and joined the Legislative Youth Program at 12. Two years later, she began her campaign to become the next Queen of Naboo, running on the stance that Naboo should break its policy of isolationism and make allies with other planets in their sector. Because she was known simply as Queen Amidala, her first name unknown to most, she began to switch between the persona of Queen Amidala--dressed in elaborate makeup and gowns--and Padmé, a handmaiden who could move among the common people unnoticed. When she went out as "Padmé," one of her own handmaidens would stand in as queen.

During her time as queen, the Trade Federation threatened Amidala and her planet and asked her to sign a treaty that would would give them full control of Naboo and legitimize their invasion. She, of course, refused, causing the federation to blockade the planet and prevent shipments from reaching the surface. With her people quickly running out of food, Amidala gathered defenses and sought aid from the Jedi Knights. When the Federation sent in an invasion of battle droids, Amidala was captured but was, thankfully, rescued by Jedi Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi. As they made their way back to Naboo, the ship malfunctioned, and they were forced to land on the planet of Tatooine, where Padmé went undercover as a handmaiden, learning about the planet, working with the Jedi, and met a young slave boy, Anakin Skywalker who helped them get the parts they needed to leave.

In order to save her planet, Padme went to the Senate and moved for a Vote of No Confidence in the leadership of the current Chancellor, helping to put into power Palpatine instead, the man who would later betray her and all of the galaxy.

Back on her own planet, she and the Jedi Knights fought off the Trade Federation by making an allyship with the other species of Naboo: the Gungangs. Together, they were able to defeat the Federation and take back control of Naboo. Afterward, Padmé led the planets rebuilding and recovery efforts. After the invasion, the planet was divided on tactics to prevent another hostile takeover, with Padmé ultimately deciding to add an ion pulse canon to the surface of the planet, much to the displeasure of her own parents.

Amidala served two terms as queen, and by the conclusion of her second term, the Naboo had grown so fond of Amidala that a faction tried to amend the constitution to allow her another term. However, Amidala declined this and stepped aside for her elected successor. Not long after her coronation, the new queen asked Amidala to serve as the representative for Naboo and the other worlds in the Galactic Senate. As one of her first goals as Senator, she sent advisors back to Tatooine to look into ending slavery there, though this was outside of the Senate's control.

Ten years after the Invasion of Naboo, a Separatist Alliance broke out in the Galaxy, with several planetary systems deciding to break off from the Senate. This led to a vote for the Senate to build their own army, which Padmé strongly resisted. Soon regarded as the leader of the opposition to the Military Creation Act, Padmé's life again was threatened, as one of her ships was bombed, and her most loyal handmaiden was murdered, the assassin believing the woman to be Padmé herself. The Jedi Council assigned Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi and Padawan Anakin Skywalker to protect Amidala and investigate the incident, though Amidala objected to the added security. When the assassination attempts continued, however, Padmé was convinced to leave the capital planet of Couruscant and return to her home planet of Naboo with Skywalker as her companion and guard.

Though she initially resisted his advances, Padmé found herself falling in love with Anakin. When he dreamed of his mother's kidnapping, she left her hiding place on Naboo to accompany him in saving the woman, but they were too late. Before they could return into hiding, news came that Anakin's master, Obi-Wan was also in danger, so he and Padmé left to rescue him too and were captured in the process. Two hundred Jedi arrived to aid them, but a battle broke out that had them cornered and overwhelmed. At that point, the newly made Grand Army of the Republic--created from clones--arrived and saved them all. And so, the army Padmé had fought against was created anyway and used to save her.

After, she secretly married Anakin Skywalker. They spent several years seeing each other in secret while both continuing their work in the Senate and Jedi Order respectively. When Padmé became pregnant, however, it was much harder to keep their secret, and Anakin's continuous nightmares of her death in childbirth put a strain on their future. Anakin began studying the dark side, looking for a way to save her, but in the process, pulled away from Padmé, leaving her stunned when he finally turned on the Jedi entirely and went to the dark side.

Verse Dependent: In canon, Padmé dies in childbirth and her children, Luke and Leia, are raised on separate planets for their own protection. Padmé's default verse will be before this point, but for characters in the later era of the Star Wars timeline, I write Padmé as living and helping to lead the resistance against the Empire formed by Palpatine and her husband.

[zeroar]

The Throne of Ao Retrospective

I'm not going to talk about major major spoilery details, but lots of meta spoilers and some text spoilers ahead for the novel The Throne of Ao by Zero Angel (me).

My first novel, The Throne of Ao, was meant to be this grand kick-off of its world, sure, but more than that, it was a rejection of cynicism. It was about the good in trying. It was about hope overcoming the greatest of despair, even when you know failure—ultimate failure at that—more than you know success.

It was a rejection of misanthropy.

There was more to it of course. There was the idea of being a frog in a well and taking steps onto the stage of the wider world; of how competition with others can inspire you to greater heights; of the unfairness of disease and war; of growing apart from your friends; of the loneliness of talent; of mutual jealousy.

But the overwhelming theme through it all was even if you fail, it is better to try and fail again than it is to give in, than it is to give up, and, in the worst case, than it is to die.

For me, Throne was a pledge to keep trying.

When I wrote it, the theme was second to the events of the story that were happening. I didn't have it planned out that Val would fail in some way and continue failing and continue getting better (better at what?) and continue trying. The theme developed more as Val's response to Uri than anything else.

Of course Uri is going to be a cynical jerk in the face of tragedy, how else could he rationalize his "great talent" not being able to change the world? Then there's Val who may be well-liked but could never do what Uri could. Of course he isn't going to accept nothing can be done. No matter how bad things get, they can get better. Part of it is ignorance, yeah, but part of it is seeing things get better even when someone as talentless as he is being the one trying.

As powerful as Uriel was, he was well aware he couldn't move the world (at least back then). As powerless as Val was, he kept building up dust until it became a mountain. Uriel never met his match (I mean, antimagick was rough, sure). Val always had a height unreached to strive for; Val always had Uri.

Of course, their first big failure in the novel arguably ended much worse as a result of their trying than if they hadn't done anything. While Uri turns inward after this, internalizing the failure and feeling foolish for even trying, Val reaches out, all the while wearing his failure on his chest.

But the two kept clashing heads. Uriel doing his best to save a single person and Val trying to save everyone within reach. Uriel's refrain of, "You can't save everyone" was as much his bitterness and jealousy at Val trying to save everyone (and at his own weakness) as it was his promise to focus on saving the one person he cared the most about.

They both failed.

The theme of continuing to try after failing was inevitable with there being no way both could succeed.

It's difficult for me to read ToA nowadays. I have had the next two books outlined for something like ten years at this point. I've written expansions and extra chapters and character examinations of the first book, too.

I still love it. My mind still goes to that world. I could write endlessly in it. There are not enough words in the universe to ever complete that world. I dream of releasing more. Side stories, prequels, day-in-the-life quirky little whatevers.

I imagine some people see Val as a Mary Sue. Or at least as an author stand-in if not someone overly-competent. But no. He's just someone who cares and tries.

I mean, I created every character and there is some part of me in all of them. Val, Uri, Maryl, Byrea… They all live in me and they all grew from me.

But the one closest to me, the one I recognize the most, is the misanthrope, Uriel. The one who was more consumed with their rage, jealousy, and loneliness—in spite of having such a good friend—that it only pushed them further apart, more alone… Only made them more disbelieving that they could even be the same species. The one who punishes themself for not being perfect, who self-sabotages and gives in.

By writing Val—really, by writing the entire novel—it helped me hold on to faith and belief in humanity.

Val loses everything. Everything. But he keeps going, he keeps growing. He keeps trying. And sometimes he even is able to make a difference. Sometimes he saves some of the people he tries to save. Sometimes he saves a princess that at least stalls a war. Sometimes he finds a magickal plant that can end a plague even if it can't cure cancer. Who even puts their all into trying to cure cancer? In a fantasy novel I mean.

I don't know how he does it—that nonsense about getting up one more time than you fall.

Hope feels more cruel than anything. Despair makes sense. The weight of systemic injustice coupled with random tragedy is impossible to bear. Loneliness is overpowering.

I don't know how he does it.

I mean, I guess it's fiction. He does it because that's how he's designed.

But I've never felt like I was in control of what the characters do. I might set the stage and balance the scales against them, but once they are created I'm waiting to see what they'll do next.

And he kept getting up.

He lost everything. What are you even fighting for at that point? Why are you trying when you know there's no win-condition? When it will never end and there will always be more pain, more suffering, more tragedy and despair?

I finished writing ToA while teaching. So much coffee. I wrote a huge chunk of the actual text in a Barnes & Noble Café. My teaching career ended a few years ago in 2020. I have time now. I still have coffee, though now it's made by me.

I don't have hope.

I don't know how to deal with the emotions Val makes me feel in telling his story.

People die … And you just try more? …Try harder? Try different? You keep living?

How do you keep going? How does anyone keep going?

Throne was my pledge to not just keep trying but to believe in people and have faith in others. How much of not being able to write what comes next is because of the shame and guilt I feel in failing that pledge. Continuing to fail that pledge. Staying down. Surviving through the old despair and unwilling to try and feel new despair.

I'm full up on despair.

Knowing he's going to fail and trying anyway. What the fuck. I can't even call him a sweet summer child because his life has most definitely not been summery.

I guess he's meant to be aspirational lol.

I'd like to hope I could be like him (at least in that respect). I just don't know. I mean, I'm still alive. Some part of me hasn't given up. I just don't know.

I don't know if I can try again. Don't know if I can keep trying. I guess where I am is being willing to try to try.

[dmss-blog-salian]

Blog Post - 03

The Last of Us – A Personal Perspective

If you’re a gamer, the chances of you not having heard of ‘The Last of Us’ is incredibly low. It’s one of the most successful games to have been put out in the last decade. A simple Google search will tell you just how much of an effect this game has had on people. Of course, the effects are varied and I’m not even interested in exploring or telling you what other gamers felt or experienced.

I’m here to tell you about how much the game means to me and the impact it has had on me.

A Little Rewind...

As strange and bizarre as it might sound, I only convinced myself to play the game during the pandemic. In fact, the pandemic is what got me interested in the first place since the game’s narrative is eerily similar. But, the Last of Us series turned out to be more than just your average zombie apocalypse entertainer. To me, it was a life-lesson of sorts.

Unlike other zombie apocalypse games that focus on survival, The Last of Us gives us a peek into the subtleties of the human condition. The basic narrative is similar to many other games in the genre – You’ve got your virus that has pretty much wiped out humanity, failed attempts at finding a cure, and of course, bloodthirsty zombies.

It’s a bleak world, to say the least but I, like many other players, found a strange sort of hope in the game’s primary protagonist. The plot of the game revolves around a girl named Ellie, who is the only human immune to the virus. As the game progresses, we’re introduced to Joel, a former smuggler who has just lost his daughter and is tasked with delivering Ellie to a group named ‘The Fireflies’. The Fireflies want to use Ellie as a lab rat in order to extract a cure. To cut a long story short, things don’t exactly end well. Joel eventually figures out the devious plans of The Fireflies and in his attempt to save Ellie, goes on a rampage killing innocent people.

This is why I loved the game. It presented an ethical and moral quandary that had quite the effect on me. Here is a man who has gradually built a relationship with a young child, roughly the same age as the daughter he lost, and now he has to choose between saving her or saving humanity. As any father would, he chooses to save the child. But at what cost? Humanity itself? What would I have done in his place? Save a child or sacrifice her for the sake of the human race? It’s a question I ask myself even today and I fear what the answer might be.

The Insanity Continues...

But the horrors and the ethical dilemmas didn’t end there. In the game’s sequel, I was exposed to the consequences of Joel’s actions. Joel is killed by Abby, the daughter of one of the character’s killed by him in the prequel.

The Last of Us 2 basically starts of as a revenge story with Ellie hunting down Abby while killing everyone near and dear to her. But the game goes one step further and allows the player to play as Abby. I got a glimpse of things from Abby’s perspective and realized that she too is human. Another victim of the apocalypse trying to survive and find hope.

This is where the game makes you really think. Nobody is truly a villain at the end of the day. Our heroes are somebody else’s villains and vice versa. At the end of it all, I was simply left wondering about who or what is right and wrong. The game actually brought back a lot of memories of my own life; situations where I might have perceived someone as the villain only to find out that they were simply looking out for their own well-being, as any human would.

The Last of Us series isn’t just about gameplay or narrative. It’s much more than that. It’s a brilliant example of the Affect Theory. It evoked a plethora of emotions and raised a ton of questions in my mind. This game is hard proof of how art can make people think or feel and how games have become the ultimate medium of story-telling.

[itsblueberry13-blog]

#they failed because of the forces conspiring to cause their failure#they succeeded for as long as they possibly could have given what they were working with#you try succeeding in their shoes

By @jayofolympus

#THIS THIS THIS#some ppl just refuse to comprehend how the galaxy works istg#probably in much the same way they fail to understand the full picture of how politics works in RL#simply refusing to participate and thinking that somehow gives you the moral high ground is frankly a fallacy#no system will ever be perfect - it's flaws don't remove our moral responsibility to try to do as much good as we're capable of doing#which unfortunately more often than not means finding a way to work within the system to affect the greatest amount of good possible

By @thatobiwankenobiplace

#'the jedi were too political--'#no stop they weren't political enough#because EVERYONE should be more political#it's like that one post#'oh i don't really do politics'#'baby it doesn't matter politics is going to do you'#i get why the jedi were trying to maintain a balance#but my stance is always ALWAYS that people should pick up an edge of the fucking couch and start walking forward#we live in a world where that is more apparent than ever#politics is for EVERYONE#you can't just opt out in good conscience and go around being a vigilante#or--as is too often a suggestion--INTERVENTIONISM#'they should just go kill the hutts!'#babe you know you're arguing for interventionism in a narrative that shows there are bad consquences for that right?#people complain that the politics of the prequels aren't appreciated enough#which is true because look at what happened with mandalore#they went off on their own and were turbo fucked for it#you can bend the rules from within the system#but you can't walk away from the system if you want to actually make a difference#you don't take your ball and go home#you roll up your sleeves and try to make things better#you work to help people#and every single day of the clone wars the jedi were SAVING LIVES#they weren't invading places#they were going places the SEPARATISTS INVADED

By @gffa

#hey that's an AMAZING point about naboo#the jedi DO help even when the senate isn't doing shit - or is roadblocking them#'but why do they need to be affiliated with the senate then?'#because valorum wouldn't have asked them to go if they weren't. because the naboo wouldn't have trusted them automatically if they weren't.#because the trade federation probably would have crushed them in retaliation if they weren't#(so we know the federation is ready to use a LOT of droids to further its interests if it believe the republic won't do shit about it)#(and once it's in a position to go against the republic itself it does just that)#(ergo if the jedi hadn't been w/ the republic - and therefore the republic wouldn't have done shit abt them being attacked#- the federation wouldn't have hesitated siccing a SHITTON of droids on them for going against its interests. qed)#(in fact all the ennemies of the jedi would have - constantly. so the jedi would have always been at war instead of being able to help ppl)

By @smhalltheurlsaretaken

If instead of "keeping peace & justice in the Republic", the Jedi's task was "carrying a couch"...

About 1,000 years prior to The Phantom Menace, the Jedi see the Senate trying to get the couch off the ground and go:

Jedi: "Uh, need some help?" Senate: "Oh God, yes please...!" Jedi: "Cool, what's the plan?" Senate: "You carry the back end, we carry the front and lead the way. It'll go smoothly from here."

And for a solid millennium, this arrangement works and the couch moves forward without ever being dropped.

But by the time of the Prequels, the Senate has stopped carrying their end. Instead, they're sitting on the armrest, on their phone, online gambling or taking selfies for their InstaStories, they're having fun, talking with their buddies. They're being irresponsible and absolutely self-serving.

So the Jedi are in a situation where they have to PUSH the couch alone because if they don't, that's it, the couch is dropped.

And it's SUPER difficult, but hey, at least the couch is moving, right? Dunno for how much longer they can keep this up, though.

As this goes on, a Sith Lord sees this entire ordeal and decides to JUMP on the couch, speeding up the clock on the inevitable drop.

Then the Clone War happens, which is the equivalent of the Jedi needing to keep trying to push the couch using only ONE hand, while they use their other limbs to fight off the Separatists and get that Sith Lord off the couch.

Then Order 66 happens, the Jedi are dead and the couch is dropped.

Mission failed, "long live the Empire".

Now, this is just an analogy simplifying the events.

If we go by what George Lucas said on the Jedi's role in the Republic, there's quite a few differences between "carrying a couch" and the Jedi's ordeal.

For instance, it's not just the Jedi carrying the other end of the couch, there's also people like Bail and Padmé (otherwise the couch would've stood still a while ago).

Also, when you're helping someone carry a couch, you can just walk away if the other guy acts like a jerk. But in the case on the Jedi, they can't just walk away because they pledged themselves to the Republic. They made a vow and a system has been built around it, they can't just up and leave or say "no, fuck you Senate, we out". Because the principles of the Republic are worth upholding and the system works when the Senate isn't filled with douchebags, as shown by the fact that there was peace and prosperity up until the Prequels.

Finally, in the analogy, moving the couch only benefits the other guy, right? But in this case, the Jedi's role in the Republic actually helps everyone, which is why the Jedi joined in the first place. If they leave, they'd be abandoning the people of the Republic.

Point is, the Jedi are not meant to be seen as "the elite" or "the establishment" by the audience. They're the underdogs. They're pretty much the only ones still trying to do their jobs right and everyone around them has stopped giving a crap.

So saying "the Jedi failed" is redundant. Who wouldn't fail?

Which is why George Lucas never blames them, in his commentary about the Prequels. When he talks about what the Prequels are about, he never says it's about the Jedi's failure, he always blames:

the Senate for failing their duty to the Republic and giving it over to Palpatine with thunderous applause,

and Anakin, for failing to overcome his own personal flaws and giving in to his greed.

Sure, the Jedi are not perfect, but nobody ever said they were. Because while their failure is a plot element, it's not meant to be a focal point.

[writerbuddha]

George Lucas on Prequel Jedi: "They are the most moral of anybody in the galaxy."

GEORGE LUCAS: No. They're not like cops who catch murderers. They're warrior-monks who keep peace in the universe without resorting to violence. The Trade Federation is in dispute with Naboo, so the Jedi are ambassadors who talk both sides and convince them to resolve their differences and not go to war. If they do have to use violence, they will, but they are diplomats at the highest level. They've got the power to send the whole force of the Republic, which is 100 000 systems, so if you don't behave they can bring you up in front of the Senate. They'll cut you off at the knees, politically.

They're like police officers. As the situation develops in the Clone Wars they are recruited into the army, and they become generals. They're not generals. They don't kill people. They don't fight. They're supposed to be ambassadors. There are a lot of Jedi that think that the Jedi sold out, that they should never have been in the military, but...

PAUL DUNCAN: Do you think that?

GEORGE LUCAS: It's a tough call. It's one of the conundrums of which there's a bunch of in my movies. You have to think it through. Are they going to stick with their moral rules and all be killed, which makes it irrelevant, or do they help save the Republic? They have good intentions, but they have been manipulated which was their downfall.

GEORGE LUCAS: There was never a war between the Jedi and the Sith Lords. The Sith lords were in control for a long time. And what happens when you have a world full of Sith Lords? They start killing each other t see who's going to be the top Sith Lord. They don't vote; they just kill. It's the medieval feudal system. (...) Then the Republic came to power and the Jedi brought peace into the galaxy by being ambassadors and troubleshooters. So when the Senate decides to do something, or the Jedi Council discovers something that's amiss, the Jedi fix it. The Jedi don't like to fight people. They're monk-warriors. They're monks first, and they try to convince people to get along. And if you don't comply, your hand comes off. They use their power to keep the governments of all the planets in line, so that they don't do terrible things.

PAUL DUNCAN: And they have the moral authority to do that?

GEORGE LUCAS: Yeah. They are the most moral of anybody in the galaxy. They're monks. The Sith practice the dark side and are way of of balance. They Jedi aren't as much out of balance because they're the light side of the Force. They still have the bad side of the Force in them, but they keep it in check. It's always there, so it can always erupt if you let your guard down. The Emperor snookered the Jedi with Order 66. The nascent Rebellion and the Jedi didn't move fast enough.

GEORGE LUCAS: The Jedi won't lead droids. Their whole basis is connecting with the life force. They'd just say, 'That's not the way we operate. We don't function with nonlife-forms." So if there is to be a Republic army, it would have to be an army of humans.

(The interview is form Star Wars Archives 1999-2005)

George Lucas' foreword for Shatterpoint:

"For a thousand years, the Old Republic prospered and grew under the wise rule of the Senate and the protection of the venerable Jedi Knights."

"As dedicated as the Separatists were in their resolve to create a new order to replace the failing Republic, the Jedi were equally determined to preserve the Republic and defeat the Sith, who they understood all too well were the masterminds of the Separatist movement. They still believed in the Republic, still deemed it a Republic worth saving. Their faith, which gave them superhuman strength in the face of mind-boggling power of the enemy, had yet to be shaken."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

And how they function with life forms:

YODA: Clones you may be, but the force resides in all life forms.

(TCW S0101)

SHAAK TI: They're [the clones] living beings, not objects.

(TCW S0301)

CLONE: We're just clones, sir. We're meant to be expendable.

PLO KOON: Not to me.

(TCW S0102)

"He's not acting like the other Jedi. He has no respect for us."

(Clones between each other about the fallen Jedi, Krell (TCW S0409)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Jedi were not enslaving the clones, they were not fighting for the Republic because they were corrupt, they were not fanatic stoics and certainly not the villains of Star Wars.

[sebstanns]

Deserve

Summary: You broach a tricky subject with Bucky. Recovering / soft Bucky x female reader. Angst / fluff / smut.

Warnings: 18+ for sexual content. Unprotected sex. Language.

A.N: I kept meaning to write for Steve but this happened. I usually write for Boyd Holbrook characters on my sideblog - Masterlist.

I didn’t tag anybody but let me know if you’d like to be, possibly a part 2 or a prequel to this. I’d like to thank @ionlyjoinedforboydholbrook​ for her constructive feedback! It’s my first time writing for Bucky so please be kind!

Your heart skips a beat when you see Bucky waiting outside your office building, holding a bunch of flowers no less. He's awkwardly leaning against a wall, eyes darting around searching for you.

"You shouldn't have." You smile as you approach him.

"I was just passing." He murmurs, cheeks flushing as you kiss him.

"Passing a flower stall too?" You ask, accepting the blooms.

"Yeah, I guess so." He smiles.

"Mr Barnes, sorry to bother you." A voice pipes up. You turn and vaguely recognise the guy, you've seen him in the office building. What does he want with Bucky though?

Bucky eyes him warily. "Do I know you?"

"Oh no, I'm uh....I'm a big fan." the guy stammers, starting to sweat.

"So you're a fan of my work as the Winter Soldier or...”

"No no, I mean since then. Saving the world and everything."

"Sure, thanks." Bucky sighs.

You kind of feel for the guy, Bucky wasn't exactly known for accepting compliments, you know that better than anyone.

"Hey, can I get a selfie?" the guy asks, pulling out his phone.

"He's off duty, sorry." You say diplomatically, taking Bucky’s arm. "Let's get going."

"I'll never get used to that, " Bucky mumbles, as you steer him away from his fan. "I spent so much effort trying to hide and now..." He trails off.

"You saved the world, that's what people know you for now." You say, determined to put a positive spin on things.

"It wasn't just me." He says, as you cross the street. He moves his arm and grabs your hand instead, squeezing lightly. He's wearing gloves as is usual in public, concealing his gleaming hand in black leather.

You fall into a companionable silence as you head in the direction of your apartment. You can't help noticing that you're taking the route that happens to pass Bucky's favourite diner - where you first met in fact, a little over four months ago.

"Feel like coffee and pie?" He asks casually.

You grin at his predictability. "Sure."

Your flowers sit on the table in a kindly donated water jug as you and Bucky tuck into pie and ice cream, apple and cherry respectively.

"This...is...the...best...pie." Bucky says between mouthfuls.

"I knew you were going to say that." You tease.

He smiles, his eyes twinkling and crinkling at the corners. Oh, he seems so happy and relaxed, you impulsively decide to broach a tricky subject, figuring now to be a good a time as any.

"So, you know my sister's getting married in a couple of weeks." You begin, glancing at him as you toy with your food.

Bucky's eyes flicker and he fills his mouth with pie. "Hm-hmm." He mumbles.

You take a deep breath. "Well, I was wondering if you'd consider coming with me, as my plus one?"

He pales a little and offers a tentative smile. "I don't know sweetheart."

"Clare wants to meet you, that's all. You don't even have to stay for the full day, just to say hello."

"Sounds more like a family thing." Bucky says tightly, shifting in his seat.

"Well yeah," you swallow, feeling yourself flush. "But you are my....I mean..."

He sighs. "I don't think it's a good idea, you saw what happened outside your office. Imagine that times a hundred."

"Everyone will be focused on the wedding, my family won't bug you, I promise. They aren’t like that.”

Bucky scoffs. “You might be surprised how brave people get after a couple glasses of champagne.”

You sigh impatiently, feeling something inside you break. "What are we doing here Bucky?"

"I thought we were eating pie." He half-smiles.

"You know what I mean. Us." You hated to push him like this, you really did, and you already knew that he wouldn’t react favourably to it, but your developing relationship had seemed to come to a standstill lately.

"We agreed to take things slowly, didn’t we? One day at a time." He says quietly, reaching for your hand.

"But that was four months ago, I thought that we might have progressed beyond that by now. It's like one step forward two steps back with you." You say, your voice cracking with emotion.

"You're not my shrink, ok?" He snaps suddenly.

You slide your hand away from his and reach for your bag, tears forming in your eyes.

"I'm going home." You say softly..

"Don't go, please. I'm sorry." He says, looking up at you, a note of quiet desperation in his voice.

"Enjoy your pie." You sniff, not looking at him. You’re halfway home before you realise that you've left the flowers on the table.

X - X - X

By the time you get home you're angry with yourself more than anything else, cursing the fact that you even mentioned the wedding. You had agreed to take things slowly, but the truth is that you’re falling for Bucky and you want him to be a bigger part of your life. The wedding seemed like the ideal opportunity to introduce him to your friends and family, but on reflection, you realise how overwhelming it might be.

Half an hour later when there's a knock at the door, you know that it's Bucky. He's carrying the flowers, still in the water jug.

"The waitress said we could have this, I think she just felt sorry for me." He chuckles dryly, following you into the living room.

You can’t help but smile at the image of him walking down the street with the flowers.

"I'm sorry." You murmur, setting the flowers on your coffee table.

"Why are you sorry? I was a jerk back there." Bucky frowns.

"I shouldn't have pushed you like that."

"You weren't pushing." He sighs.

"I spooked you.” You say softly, looking up at him.

"Yeah." He smiles. "A little. Look, I’m still trying to figure this out."

"I know. Me too. I've never been in a relationship like this."

"I should hope not." He says wryly.

You chuckle, fighting the urge to just throw youself into his arms.

"I like you, so much." Bucky murmurs, his eyes searching yours as he strokes your face. "But I can't help thinking that you'd be better off with someone else."

Your stomach drops. "No, Bucky-”

"I mean like someone who doesn't get spooked when you want to do regular relationship stuff, it's not fair on you." He says, brow furrowed.

"Look, forget the wedding, I'll ask one of my friends to come."

"It's not just the wedding though is it?" He sighs.

“I don’t want anybody else.” You state firmly, placing your hand on his chest - you can feel his ever present dog tags through the thin material of his sweater.

"You've been so patient with me, it's more than I deserve."

"This is what you deserve." You say, and kiss him gently on the cheek. "And this." then corner of his mouth. "And this." finally the hollow of his throat.

He lets out a soft groan and grips the nape of your neck, kissing you deeply, opening your mouth with his tongue. He tastes of cherry and vanilla, his lips soft but insistent.

"I want you." He breathes. "I want you."

Without a word, you take his hand and lead him to the bedroom. Bucky was so gentle and hesitant when you first started sleeping together, terrified of hurting you with his strength and self-conscious of his arm. You managed to convince him that you could take - even sometimes desired - a little roughness. He loved to take his time undressing you, kissing and touching your soft flesh as he went. And when you reciprocated, he'd been touch starved for so long that the feeling of your hands and lips on him was almost enough.

Tonight he didn't deviate, pulling off your clothes and kissing you everywhere as you laid on the bed. He hovers over you, still half dressed, and you stroke his hair, fingers entwined in the short strands as his lips travel down your body, making you squirm. Finally he kneels between your legs and tugs at your panties, eyes dark with lust.

"James." You sigh, touching yourself, wetness coating your fingertips.

"You're so beautiful." He says gruffly, eyes focused on you as he removes his jeans. You'd seen him naked a number of times now but you never failed to be impressed by his magnificence, even his cock, now hard and leaking at the tip, is a thing of beauty.

You hold your hand out for him to return to the bed but his hands reach for your waist, indicating for you to turn over; you comply and he moves behind you, lifting your hips and pushing into you in one swift movement. You cry out as he fills and stretches your pussy, digging your fingers into the mattress as you back up against him.

"Does that feel good, sweetheart?" He growls.

"Yes, please...don't stop." You mewl, as he buries his cock to the hilt.

Bucky’s flesh hand is between your legs, fingering your aching clit, while his metal one still grips your hip. You place your hand over his, interlacing your fingers with his vibranium digits.

The rhythmic clink of Bucky's dog tags and the sound of your soft cries fill the air, he continues to work your clit in tight circles as he moves inside you, leaning down to pepper kisses on your shoulder - it isn't long before you feel the familiar tightness building at your core.

"Oh, Bucky, I'm going to-" you trail off as he drives into you harder, making you come apart and you moan loudly as your orgasm rolls through you in hot waves.

Compared to you, Bucky's almost silent, quietly panting and groaning, his hold on you tightening as you feel him throbbing into you.

Afterwards he spoons you, his bionic arm around your waist like a vice, kissing your hair.

"Look, about the wedding-" He starts.

"We don't have to talk about it now." You yawn. “Let’s leave it until tomorrow. One day at a time.”

“One day at a time.” Bucky repeats, softly.

[linkspooky]

Yuta vs Yuji

(They are both Good Boys ™ and that’s the Problem ™ )

As this week the boys are still fighting, I thought it would be interesting to take a more in depth look at both of their characters and how they compare and contrast with each other. Yuta and Yuji are both protagonists who have protagonistic motivations. Their central conflict, Itadori’s struggle to find a good death surrounded by people he loves, and Yuta’s struggle to be surrounded by people he loves and protects them, relates to protecting the people they love and the world around them. However, that’s also what drives them into conflict with each other. They both view themselves as “the hero” even in conflicts such as the fight against each other, where there is really no good guy. 

1. I want to live / I want to die

Yuta and Yuji are opposites in their stated motivation. Yuta’s goal is to find a way to live a happy life, surrounded by the people he loves. Yuji’s goal is to find a way to die surrounded by people he’s helped in life. 

Not only are their stated motivations opposites however, on the outside they are both the opposite in several ways. Yuji is someone who is known for his strength whereas Yuta is immediately remarked upon as the type to get bullied.  Yuji is immediately remarked upon for his cheerful disposition, whereas everyone who knows Yuta picks on him at first and notices how gloomy he is. 

Yuji is someone who seems to make friends and connect with people almost immediately, whereas Yuta is someone who it probably took him a long time to start getting along with Maki and Inumaki based on what we see in the prequel. Maki challenges him at first, and Yuta doesn’t understand Inumaki at first. 

Yuta is passive, and Yuji is active. Yuji is known for running after people to save them. Yuta’s actually not as motivated to save random strangers as Yuji is, he’s simply going along with becoming a Jujutsu Sorcerer because that will help his goals, 1) to make new friends and find a reason to live 2) to release Rika.

The difference between them even manifests in the way they became cursed. Yuji actively chose to swallow a curse, because he wanted to help Megumi and needed the power to do so. It was a decision he made. Yuta was the one who cursed Rika yes, but not only was it a jujutsu technique he used unconsciously, he also forgot about it and blamed Rika for cursing him instead.  

Which is also something that reflects in the central flaws of both characters. Yuta is someone with a victim complex. He tends to avoid taking direct responsibility for his actions and blaming it on someone else. He acts passive in almost every situation, and doesn’t accept that it may be his fault. Which is why he misremembered what happened to Rika. Yuta could not accept the idea that he was to blame for cursing Rika, so he blamed Rika in his memories instead for cursing him.

It’s been outlined by Maki before Yuta’s victim complex, but basically he reads as a nice person on the surface by pretending to be innocent when he’s not. Which is why she says his goodness feels fake, and he himself feels gross. Yuta kind of just, represses and ignores the bad parts of his personality, to seem like a hapless victim. Of course Yuta is not good or bad, he’s just a dude. But, Maki even goes further to point out Yuta himself doesn’t even seem to know who he wants to be. 

Yuta’s central character flaw is that he never accepts responsibility for his own actions. He has no self confidence and because of that he has a really tough time standing up as an individual. 

When he can learn to control his power, and stand on his own two feet rather than just avoiding responsibility and acting like a victim with no control over his situation. Yuta begins to change, but I think he also elevates his friends far beyond himself. 

He aspires to be like his friends, but he also feels like they’re already better than him and he’s unworthy. Which is why he’s constantly insecure about the relationship and needs to protect them. Yuta believes himself to be weak, he sees himself as a weak person, and so in every situation he tends to assume he’s the weak one or a weak victim which makes it hard for him to see what he’s responsible in those situation. 

On the other hand Yuji takes almost too much repsonsibility. Rather than trying to depend on others, Yuji is always, running ahead on his own and that’s where he makes his mistakes.

He thought he was strong enough to take down Choso on his own. He wasn’t. He thought he was strong enough mentally to prevent Sukuna from rampaging, he wasn’t. Yuji’s mistakes always come from taking on more responsibility than he can handle, and then letting things fall out of his control. 

Yuta’s irresponsible because he sees himself as a victim and doesn’t understand how strong he is, Yuji’s irresponsible because he constantly overestimates what he himself can handle.

If you take the scene after Yuji dies the first time into account. Sukuna outlines several facts. One, that Yuji is not actually strong enough to suppress him. Two, that he rampaged against Megumi specifically because Yuji got cocky and tried to use his power without using a binding vow and think it through. Three, that Yuji overestimates himself and his capability to keep Sukuna down and because of it, he agrees to a simple terms of “If I defeat you inside my own body you revive me with no conditions” and then just immediately dies. 

All of this of course being foreshadowing for what happens after the Choso fight. Once again, Yuji overestimates himself and how he can win the fight fighting alone. Halfway through Yuji gets overwhelmed and Sukuna surfaces. When Sukuna surfaces he rampages, because Yuji did not even think of the possibility that Sukuna might rampage if he died or lost consciousness, and therefore there was no binding vow in place to stop him. It’s not because Yuji is a bad kid, but because he is a kid, and doesn’t know better. He acts like any fifteen year old would dealing with a 1000 year old spirit that’s much smarter than him. But it’s also a case of Yuji thinking everything comes down to strength and he can beat Sukuna just by being stronger, when Yuji actually solves none of his problems by fighting alone, and all of his major victories come from fighting together with others. 

Yuji and Yuta are even opposites in regards to their curses. Rika loves Yuta and wants to protect him. He loses control of her because he’s too scared to face her, and has no idea how to begin controlling his power, which is once again this flaw that Yuta’s fear is a fear of taking responsibility. Yuji on the other hand his curse Sukuna loathes his guts, and is constantly trying to undermine him. Yuji’s problem is again and again he’s proven to underestimate Sukuna, he’s not afraid enough of Sukuna because Yuji himself considers himself a strong person and overestimates what he can be responsible for. Rika is an ally outside of Yuta, and Sukuna is an enemy within Yuji. 

However, after going to such length to establish them as opposites they have one central similiarity. Both of them are incredibly lonely people. They can’t really make friends or connections normally. 

Yuta has this fear of living alone, and Yuji this fear of dying alone. 

They both only form relationships on the basis that they’re needed. Which is why Yuta goes so insane about protecting his friends. Which is why Yuji keeps focusing on death above all else, because that’s their true “purpose” that underlies their stated motivations. They’re both doing this because they are afraid of being alone.

However, they both need to prove that they are “worthy” of love. In order to do that, they need to be good, useful people. Thus they are heroes, thus they are good guys, thus they are protagonists. 

Yuji becomes so insanely motivated to fight after Sukuna’s rampage, because if he doesn’t help someone, if he doesn’t justify his decision to keep on living somehow they’re just a murderer. Both Yuta and Yuji don’t really care about the world or circumstances around them, they just want to be validated by the people around them.

Yuta is a deeply selfish person, because he just wants other people around him to tell him it’s okay to live. However, he’s also just a suicidal fifteen year old kid in the first place, any kid his age would feel that way, would need that support and he shouldn’t need to earn it. That’s what he misunderstands. However, Yuji and Yuta keep trying to seek external validation. They keep trying to earn love rather than having it given to them.

It’s what Yuta completely fails to internalize after his fight with Geto. The lesson he needed to learn was that there was more to the world around him than just protecting the people he loved, but it seems coming back to both of those people he loved being hurt has caused him to double down on “protecting the ones he loved” vs “thinking about what is justice”.Yuta’s still stuck in this mode where he has to earn love, and that becomes his first priority in everything.

The problem with making the decision to ignore justice is that you can end up at the wrong side of the equation. Yuji is Yuta. He’s another victim who allowed a curse to rampage because he was cursed as a teenager and could not control his own power and people ended up dying for it. 

However, because Yuta only understands that his friends have been hurt, and refuses to understand Yuji as both a victim and a person outside of himself he accepts his role of executioner.

Yuta was the person who was going to be executed a year ago. The only reason he didn’t was because Gojo gave him a chance and extended a helping hand. However we’re now seeing Yuta take the opposite path. he’s made the decision to become executioner, to not save when he himself was saved. Which is just sad because Yuta and Yuji are character foils.

 A conflict against Yuji, the other main character, is really just Yuta fighting himself. Yuta cannot forgive himself for the crime of being weak, and therefore he blames Yuji for being like he was a year ago. Yuta still doesn’t know how to stand strong on his own, to accept that his friends love him for who he is, so he’s still trying to earn love by avenging them and acting overprotective against Yuji, when we know Inumaki was friends with Yuji and probably would not want him to be hunted down and killed. 

Yuta and Yuji are both seemingly completely selfless people who can come off as rather self centered when you examine their deeper motivations (they do what they do, because they want to be loved and needed) but it doesn’t come from a place of ego, it’s just that they’re lonely. They can’t feel accepted for who they are so they both try to be heroes instead. 

[randomnameless]

I swear if it weren't for the self-insert, dating sim nonsense, this franchise would have died with Awakening. Good grief. Sometimes I wish it died with Tellius on that day. But, I wouldn't have gotten Marianne, Dwyer and Lucina though :( Sigh

Well...

You pointed it out, even if there are a lot of things we don't really like about the post Awakening games (FE13 included) there are still things we do like!

And if FE really died after Tellius/the Archanea remakes, then we wouldn't have them!

Not to say other games had "nothing" problematic, I rambled enough about FE Tellius and its message regarding "coexistence between Laguz and Beorcs".

While I was a bit worried about adding a "futuristic civilisation" in the FE series, the Nabatean and Agarthan debacle and subsequent war is really something fresh and something I find interesting. Relics being a subversion from Jugdral's HW? Good. Nabateans post-Zanado hiding for fear of being terminated but still trying to help people, as best as they can, because they love Fodlan and its people? Nice, 10/10. Tellius AU where Lehran had a renewed faith in Humanity after Serenes, only to lose it little by little, thinks only the Goddess can lead Tellius and its people to prosperity but doesn't think terminating the world is the best solution, so he tries to find roundabout ways to reinstall Ashunera? Only for Sanaki to barge in with her imperial army asking him to die because his ears are pointy and he is not "human"?

Fodlan could have been great. Ideas are here and there.

It's just that IS decided to... shat a, at best, milquetoast story about saving the waifu of your choice, at worst, an offensive story with "artificial" stakes and a lot of player pandering to create parasocial relationships that will make player spend money on FEH.

Now I know War of Heroes prequel/DLC will never be released, because it can't make Supreme Leader/Puppet look completely off the base regarding "reforms" and the state of the world, even if they depict her glorious ancestor as the chadest chad who ever chaded out in the universe, or who tried to apply those very same reforms she "apparently" wants to install, and how, it failed 1100 years later.

There's no "maybe they both believed in what they did and had valid points" to have with a guy who genocided a race, of the people who asked him to do so - even if I legit thought no one would ever play colonial propaganda from the 1930s straight

But hey, that's why we have fanfictions, and if anything, Fodlan is ripe with fanfic material - for the people who often browed r/atheism or think feudalism is all about people having swords, horses and a nobility title - but also for people who generally like stories about acceptance and mutual understanding despite differences, like the shape of their ears or technological advancement.

Y'know, what could have been if that game had better writing lol

[asharkapologist]

Anakin Skywalker Appreciation Week, Pt 3

(whoops. This is late.)

Day three: favorite relationship.

Anakin honestly has a lot of really interesting relationships with people around him. The prequels and The Clone Wars show how much women affect his life, which is something that’s always stuck out to me. TCW also does an excellent job showing Anakin’s relationship with people who will be a major part of the Empire. One of my favorite underrated moments of TCW is when Anakin and Tarkin were shown chatting during the Citadel escape arc about how the Jedi sometimes don’t go far enough in battle, and generally getting along quite well (TCW in general makes it quite clear that Tarkin was a sociopath long before he murdered billions of people on Alderaan in Episode IV, something I rather like. Tarkin didn’t need order from a tyrannical empire to turn him into a sociopath. He was a horrible person for a long time.)

But honestly, out of all of the interesting relationships Anakin has with various people in his life, I’m going to have to say that I'm going to talk about his relationship with Padmé. Maybe I’m just a sucker for tragic romances. And yes, I know their relationship is ultimately toxic. It literally ends with him trying to kill her. Let me explain what I mean before you call me stupid or accuse me of supporting toxic/abusive relationships.

So my feelings on Anidala are undoubtedly complicated. Like other people have said, they aren’t exactly a paragon of ideal relationships. There’s a bunch of reasons why they’re unhealthy, like Anakin’s somewhat creepy behavior in AotC (though he respects Padmé’s boundaries more than Han respect’s Leia’s in ESB, and that is a hill I will die on), her willingness to overlook many red flags throughout the prequels and TCW without really sitting down with him and talking with him (with the one exception of in the Clovis arc but I hate that arc so much for a multitude of reasons that go beyond Anakin and Padmé’s relationship and besides by the end of the arc they’ve hit the reset button and immediately get over their argument), and yeah, their relationship ends with him trying to murder her post-fall. Yeah, not very good. But I want to more talk about why I think their relationship is interesting, compelling, and tragic, and focus on her role with Anakin’s arc.

Anakin’s certainly a romantic, and Padmé is too, in different ways. I really like how Anakin ultimately falls to the Dark Side to try to save Padmé from death, because in a way, this is kind of like a lot of male action heroes that were in movies that were coming out around the prequels, like Spider-Man and Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible (I don’t remember his character’s name, and I’m definitely not going to bother to look it up). But it’s really more than that, a deconstruction, really of the “save the girl” mentality. TV Tropes puts it best:

Anakin's character is a massive deconstruction of [the ‘Always Save the Girl’ trope]. He adamantly refuses to give up on those he loves, even though the Jedi preach [non-attachment], and even when giving up is the healthiest thing to do. The loss of his mother is the first time he truly fails, which causes him to rage out and murder everyone within reach, and Obi-Wan only barely manages to convince him that they should prioritize capturing Dooku over going back to get Padmé. When he starts getting nightmares of his wife dying in childbirth, Palpatine exploits this by offering a way to save her, but only if he embraces the dark side. Even Anakin's final betrayal of the Jedi reflects this trope, both since he needs Palpatine to save Padmé (or so he thinks), and because he wants to save the kind old man who was always there for him.

(link to that page: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AlwaysSaveTheGirl)

In a lot of instances, the hero saves the girl and the world. But Anakin just ends up killing both. There’s something really fascinating about characters that would let the world (or galaxy in this case) burn in order to save someone they love. A lot of times, this is portrayed as admirable, and the hero often manages to save all of their friends and the world. Not here, though.

Anakin obviously had a bunch of psychological issues and trauma, but, as Obi-Wan says in the Revenge of the Sith novelization, Anakin’s relationship with Padmé was one of the few things that brought him joy, and even though Obi-Wan is widely regarded by a lot of people as the personification of the ideal Jedi, he was willing to mostly ignore Anakin and Padmé’s obvious relationship/Anakin breaking the Jedi Code, with the exception of a few comments here and there. And that’s what hurts. Because even though Anakin ends up destroying everything and everyone who might have cared about him, Padmé made him happy. And yeah, their on-screen relationship, especially in AotC is a bit, uh, rocky (although they do actually have chemistry in the AotC novelizations, although the author also keeps in some of Anakin’s awkwardness), but they are clearly happy together, they make each other happy. They’ll have genuinely cute moments, like the meadow scene in AotC (I like that scene okay!) and throughout TCW, and at the start of RotS, which just makes it more tragic knowing what’s coming, and seeing the blatant red flags in their relationship, and thinking “if things were different. If they just had really long talks. If Palpatine didn’t exist. If they didn’t have to hide their relationship (considering a relationship built on lies and deception struggles to be a healthy/ideal one).” I know that their relationship is far from ideal and was loaded with issues. But it’s just sad because they were obviously in love with each other very much (the whole ‘Anakin mind-tricked her into falling in love with him’ theory is the worst theory in Star Wars I’m sorry), but there were still issues and red flags and toxicity there that were made worse by Anakin having unresolved trauma, his upbringing by a very anti-romance organization, a war going on, Palpatine existing, and Padmé’s general unwillingness to really take caution due to those red flags. But I genuinely believe that if there wasn’t a war, if Anakin left the Jedi and/or if therapists or something existed, they would have had a healthy domestic life together.

But ultimately, all that rambling aside, Anakin is definitely an emotional romantic, something that I think is rather refreshing in male heroes. Somewhat off topic, but I had a rather sexist teacher one time say that in a marriage, women are emotional and men are rational. That is certainly not the case with Anakin and Padmé. She’s the one initially listing all the reasons why them getting together wouldn’t be a good idea, regardless of their feelings for each other, and in Revenge of the Sith, when she tells him that she’s pregnant, she’s the one who still expresses her worries and concerns about said pregnancy, while Anakin is more overjoyed than worried.

I mean, look at that face. Yeah, I definitely believe him when he says that this is the happiest moment of his life. It's telling when even prequel haters admit that the above scene is pretty good.

In another movie with a happy ending, this would all be very heartwarming. Anakin doesn’t care what happens to his social status and position in the Jedi Order as long as he can be together with his wife and child(ren.)

And you better believe I read Anidala fix-its/fanfics on Ao3.

[reflectionsofacreator]

I swear I’m not trying to like, harp endlessly on FFXV’s negative traits and narrative failings (of which there are many) because that’s not exactly the best of times for anyone, let alone me who’s trying to enjoy this piece of media. I am, however, trying to figure out and articulate just why certain plot beats/narrative elements just don’t work, either for me or as a wholeass experience.

I’m willing to give XV the benefit of a lot of doubt. I’m willing to buy a lot of the stuff it tries to sell me, because all stories work on some sort of suspension of disbelief. Ripping into every single plot hole for the sake of it just doesn’t appeal to me (like why the nights didn’t get longer if Luna wasn’t Oracle until she was 16, or whatever), because a lot of them aren’t really plotholes they’re just... story elements. A story can have things not be explicitly laid out or even have some holes in it and be fine. XV just.... has a lot of them, and some are a lot bigger than others.

This post specifically though, is about Insomnia, and its lack of importance to the wider XV plot/world. From the get go, we have almost no reason to care why Insomnia was destroyed in chapter 1.

If you haven’t watched Kingsglaive (the prequel film that explains the Fall and King Regis’ death) you’d be forgiven for thinking that Insomnia is like, a regular city. It’s not -- it’s a massive metroplex of probably 25+ million people, due to it being based off of Tokyo and NYC. Probably a good 70% of Lucis’ people live there, and it just got obliterated overnight by daemons and Imperial airships. Granted, a city that size probably isn’t completely decimated, and there was a shot of refugees leaving at the end of KG, but we don’t know because the game literally doesn’t talk about it.

Did you know that Ravus was supposed to be the interim governor of Insomnia after the attack? I only knew because one of the in-game radios in chapter 10 was playing a broadcast. Which I almost missed. (And yet he was in Altissia in chapter 9??? For some reason? Instead of actually governing the city he helped conquer?) The radio broadcast also says he was taken back to Galrea to be executed for high treason and the Imperial airship losses above Altissia, which why was he there, but also that’s a major detail for his character that’s given by a clickable dialogue.

Ravus aside, there’s no people from Insomnia save for Iris and Cor, and a handful of Crownsguard. We have no reason to care about any of the people that lived there -- of the boys, only Noctis had family that he mentions losing in Insomnia, which is undercut by his family being King Regis. Ignis supposedly had parents in Insomnia, and an uncle. Prompto’s parents were supposedly still inside Insomnia when it fell, yet neither express worry about their family members. Even Gladio, who did have family inside in the form of Iris, barely expressed any concern over her or the state of the city.

The end of Kingsglaive had refugees pouring out of the city gates -- where are they in the game? (Granted, I know that’s because KG was handled by a completely different team than the people who made the game, and according to lead character designer Roberto Ferrari the XV writers changed plot every three months. Just see this post about how Lunafreya’s character was completely different in the movie’s development.) Aside from Cindy lamenting that “crown city goods are hard to come by” no one in the open world seems to care that Insomnia was totaled and that potentially millions of people are dead. Only a few people in Lestallum really seem to care that Nifleheim has taken over, or that the royal line and cabinet are completely dead.

The narrative makes some overtures about Noctis claiming the weapons of his ancestors and building up his arsenal in order to take back Insomnia, but that’s dropped for the “Covenants with the Astrals” plot as early as chapter 4. Worse, we don’t know anything about the state of Insomnia, nor do the boys, and the boys don’t care. None of them really wonder what’s going on in the city, how many people were still alive, etc, it’s more a concept that hangs over their heads, only to get shoved to the side.

And all of this is compounded by the fact that the big “homecoming” in Chapter 14... isn’t. We have no reason to care about the destroyed city, or the fact that it’s infested with daemons. For all the care that the characters show in the events preceding it, the city might as well have been just another town they walked through.

And like, don’t get me wrong. I can buy that the boys care about the city, or the people in it. I can think to myself “oh, if my city were suddenly destroyed and most of the people dead, I’d be upset and angry too”. But I shouldn’t have to try and relate it back to myself for some version of empathy in order to care about this place. The trope of “ruined hometown” is as old as dirt, and it can be used pretty well. But the problem is that when all you do is go “oh, these characters have a ruined hometown that meant a lot to them!” and do nothing to extrapolate on that, it falls apart.

Kingsglaive really did make me care about Insomnia. It’s a shame that the game actively worked against that.