#the prelude to independence day

[bluefeatheredvelociraptor]

It's my 11 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

Oh, noice

[balsamfir-fics]

a hope redefined (prelude)

Genres: angst, post S1 canon, more angst, romance, eventual smut, established childhood crushes to strangers to lovers, post-pining, becoming machine herald (sort of), eventual dad!vik, political tensions, growing up, the human condition

Pairing: Viktor/AFAB Reader

Warnings: series will have eventual smut, mentions of difficult pregnancy/injury/civil war. this prelude mentions spicy activities.

Summary: Viktor shouldn’t be alive.

He shouldn’t have survived the blast of the Council attack, and even if he did his sands of time should have soon run out. And yet here he stands, part man and part machine, in a future he never planned for and an augmented body he never expected to have.

With no template to follow, Viktor forges a new path towards happiness as he grapples with reconciling the man he once was and the man he could become. Complicated as this path may be, he knows better than to waste an opportunity to spend his remaining years with you, the person he’s kept in his heart ever since you were children. Amidst the chaos of an antebellum Runeterra, Viktor finds his freedom, his future, and his family.

Chapters: Prelude

Chapter Word Count: ~1.3k

Author Notes: Unedited. Threequel and final part to a hope never forgotten and a hope at risk. This can be read independently of its predecessors, though reading those first will better contextualize Viktor and YN’s relationship. Previous fics summarized below if you don't have time to read them!

Prequel summary: YN is Heimerdinger’s adopted daughter; YN and Viktor are childhood friends who grew up together between the ages of 10-16 and separated at 16 immediately after an unspoken confession of love. The uncertainty and cowardice of youth prevent YN from keeping contact until twelve years pass. Over the next five years the two keep orbiting each other, gravity pulling them closer, until Viktor’s hospital stint as per Episode 5 forces YN to reckon with their lifetime of love. The end of A Hope Never Forgotten sees Viktor’s seventeen-year-long hope and longing fulfilled.

A Hope at Risk follows canon for episodes 5-9 of Season 1, with some references to LoL lore for post-Season 1 events. Viktor hides his prognosis and the nature of his Hexcore experiments from YN for as long as possible, until his life is in jeopardy after the Council attack and YN finally finds out. YN and Jayce share the decision-making burden in not destroying the Hexcore so that Viktor's life can be saved. Viktor withdraws while processing all of these black-swan events (Hexcore integration, new city of Zaun, his Zaunite and Piltovan identities, etc), but hopes to work through his demons enough to return to YN. In the meantime, he moves to Emberflit Alley in Zaun where he hopes to rebuild who he is and figure out who wants to be.

If missed, the prior work notes that Viktor refers to YN as 'Sparrow' sometimes, which is because he finds her lively and likeable.

This last work refers to Arcane Season 1 canon first and foremost, then interprets post-Season-1 events by incorporating elements from older LoL lore. The majority of this piece will not follow Season 2 canon as it's not out at the time of writing, but Viktor's plotline in this work is written to be as plausible of a Season 2 fan theory as possible.

The first work in this series deals primarily with hope as per the title; the second deals with themes of loss and survival. Both are about decisions made and avoided. This final work reckons with recovery, rebirth, and rebuilding.

Hope, as the past five years has taught Viktor, is not quite the out-of-reach temptress he once believed it was, but rather a willful act of empowerment that even he is entitled to pursue.

It’s a bit of an odd lesson for him. During decades of wanting, but not having, he thought perhaps hope was a thing intended only for others — never him. He now thinks back to those days, remembering his own failure to quell the little flickers he felt, despite what he considered to be careful, methodological, and supposedly fool-proof efforts. How could his sixteen-year-old self, shown blissful perfection for mere minutes before having his heart torn away from him, ever have fathomed that there was something that came after despair? How would he, at 28, know that the little flame of hope he forgot to extinguish would grow to a blaze of success? Even more important — how could he have ever known that a sickly boy from the undercity could be given a second lease on life?

These second chances he never expected to receive (and one, even, that he still struggles with accepting) are the reason he is here today, he reminds himself. And here so happens to be in the arms of your post-coital form, watching as you struggle to calm your breathing. This affirms two things that he thought to be impossibilities: you’re his partner, and he’s — somehow — alive.

Such boons come with their own set of costs, of course. The cool metal of his peculiar augmentations serve as a daily reminder of what he gave up for science, for life, and for society. In part, he surrendered some of his humanity; though he's grateful to live another day in your presence, something that nearly feels sentient lives within him as sustenance. Nevermind the brief euphoria he felt running at the docks; the Hexcore might be a curse, he thinks, but it saved his life. In other ways, he lost control over his moral sensibilities; the breaths he’s allowed to take now were given to him against his consent, and the corrupted Hexcore remains, undestroyed, within him. Skye’s life was taken by the very thing keeping him in the mortal realm, and he endures the guilt of her death with every second his life goes on longer than hers.

He’s spent the greater part of the past few weeks in agony, mostly of the emotional sort as the foreign, willful hum of the Hexcore inside him makes quick work of healing his most severe injuries. Tormented by his conscience, his fear, and a profound sense of losing himself, Viktor knows he’s made a series of hurtful decisions to part from his entire family in Piltover. He knows that some of these relationships will have seen their heyday and may be beyond repair — not for lack of effort, but by the predicament of the turbulent political climate created in the aftermath of the Council attack. But such efforts must be taken one step at a time, one person at a time. Fixated on working on himself so that he might stand by you as his full self and not a broken, conflicted version, he furiously set plans in motion no matter his uncertainty. At his first sign of some satisfactory progress (to his standards), he allowed himself the small luxury of reaching out to you. He’d intended to only start a conversation, hoping to restore the full effect of your relationship as best as one might during a powder keg of a political situation. At most he’d expected that you might see each other in a few months to a year after letting letters and counseling do the work of rebuilding.

Naturally, you (fearless, fearless you, Viktor thinks) showed up on his doorstep at first chance instead. He would never complain, but after two nights of your warmth in his bed and the impossible pleasure of your daily company, the worries that prevented him from seeing you earlier seep back in.

As if you can sense his rising anxiety, you stir against him now after having come back down to Terra. He smiles at the dazed, incomprehensible murmur you make with your lips against his bare shoulder. You ease him, somewhat, but the kernel of worry remains. Viktor presses kisses to the top of your head. You tighten your arms around him, blinking back into reality under the dim Zaunite glow that filters into his bedroom.

“It’s still early,” he hums. “I’m sorry I woke you for…” (You raise your eyebrows knowingly, pressing naked self into him more intently). Viktor elects to finish his sentence carefully. “…For certain activities.” He coughs, making you smile at the dichotomy of his bashfulness after rather intense morning spent with his face between your legs. “You should get some more rest.”

Never one to be told what to do, you frown slightly, then prop yourself into an elbow. But Viktor is adamant you take care of your health (never mind that he’s notoriously bad at doing the same for himself), especially in these polluted depths. Pulling you to the washroom for the loo and a quick rinse, he then leads you back into his small bed for a few more hours of shut-eye. Later when he tries to wake you for a tardy breakfast, he chuckles at the trail of dried saliva you hurriedly wipe away — at least it’s a strong indication that you’re able to sleep soundly despite the constant bustle in the streets of Zaun. His small unit is a far cry from the sweeping wings of the Heimerdinger Estate that you’re accustomed to, and it’s still much less comfortable than even his modest apartment back in Piltover. In the least, he’d managed to pull together a rudimentary air filter from spare materials he brought with him from the academy lab and hopes that it lasts long enough for the duration of your stay.

Then he realizes something. He has no idea how long you’ll be here in Emberflit Alley with him. Hopefully not long, he thinks. Not because he wants to stop seeing you, no — rather, Zaun is no place for a Piltovan at present, and the small alley he’s in now was chosen for its seclusion instead of its relative quality of living. The dangers to you in the former undercity are many; if not to your health by means of pollutants, then by the constant stirrings of war that are whispered in the streets, emboldened by the Council attack and the topside confusion that remains unresolved. The pit in his stomach grows. You shouldn’t be here. No matter how much he would prefer to bask in your presence.

Nonetheless, you are here and these precious minutes are not to be wasted. You sit up, concerned by the change in his expression as thoughts race through his brilliant mind. “Vitya?”

“Hm?” He shakes his head slightly as if to rid himself of his thoughts, then pushes himself off of the bed to lean against his crutch. “Ah, I made a quick meal in case you might be a bit peckish. It’s not much, but it’s enough.”

You survey him, waiting to see if he might share what he was thinking of. Viktor merely tilts his head in the direction of his kitchen with a half-smile. He waits patiently as you grind your teeth in your decision to stay in bed longer or satisfy your hunger, electing to savor the moments he can with the extra time he’s been given, and pushes away his niggling concerns for now. His leg twinges as if to remind him who he has to thank, but when you slot yourself into him and support his side (arm wrapped tightly around his waist), he melts into your warmth and feels his worries — temporarily — fade into the background.

The road ahead might be immensely difficult and fraught with tragedy, he thinks. But mornings like these make it all worth it. As he wraps his own arm around your shoulders and nestles your head onto his, Viktor silently vows to help ensure that you and Runeterrans — all Runeterrans, not just the privileged few — get to have a future filled with such mornings.

[jukeboxsweethearttt]

Can we see OlderSugarDaddy Rafe going kinda insane to impress young independent reader? She's just trying to figure stuff out, but this weirdo customer/neighbor is always waiting for her. He's sent a shopper, a stylist, a maid, but it's the young hot tutor/repairmen with similar interest that gets your attention.

Is it a love triangle? A stalking charge? Could it end with a pity date?

Whatever makes sense to you🫡🫡

Million Dollar Man

SugarDaddy!Rafe x Fem!Reader

inspired by @starfxkr Sugar Daddy!Rafe as always 💋

Rafe Cameron was losing his mind. The moment he laid eyes on you, a fiercely independent woman just trying to figure out her life, he knew he had to have you. But you weren't making it easy whatsoever.

Every morning, he'd see you leaving your apartment, your eyes filled with determination. Every evening, he'd watch you return, exhausted yet still so captivating. And every night, he'd obsess over how to win your attention.

First, he sent a shopper with designer clothes, hoping to appeal to your taste. You returned them all without a second glance. Then, a top-tier stylist showed up at your door, offering a makeover, but you politely declined, preferring your own style. Even the maid he hired was turned away with a smile, as you insisted on handling your own affairs.

Rafe was getting desperate. He needed something more, something that would make you see him differently. That's when he noticed your kitchen sink was leaking. He had the perfect idea—he'd send a young, hot repairman with similar interests to yours.

The repairman arrived the next day, charming and knowledgeable. You were skeptical at first but quickly found yourself drawn to him. He understood your passions and shared your hobbies, making you feel seen and appreciated in a way that Rafe's grand gestures hadn't.

Rafe watched from a distance, his jealousy simmering. The repairman was supposed to bring you closer to him, but instead, you seemed to be falling for the young man. Everything was driving him crazy. His obsession with you was teetering on the edge of dangerous.

Was this a love story or a prelude to a stalking charge? You weren't sure. You found Rafe's efforts both flattering and unnerving. You wondered if you should confront him, but part of you was curious to see where it would lead. Maybe, just maybe, you'd agree to a pity date, if only to understand this enigmatic man who seemed so determined to win your heart.

The future was uncertain, but one thing was clear Rafe Cameron wasn't going to give up on you anytime soon.

[edwinspaynes]

I've spent most of my writing time working on chapter 3 of Now We're at the Starting Line (I Did My Time) this month. The good news is that the chapter will be out on the 15th as planned! The bad news is that I didn't write anything for Crystal week.

Luckily, this chapter has a Crystal-and-Edwin scene in it that I'm extremely proud of! I'm posting it independently a few days before the chapter for @crystal-week, because I love our little psychic so much and want to post something for her.

Starting Line spoilers under the cut!

CONTEXT: After getting home from an awful meeting with her mother, Crystal finds herself crying on the stairway of the Agency building. Edwin, after a rather emotional moment with Charles, ascends the stairs and sees her there.

-

Crystal should go home. She knew that she should – her bed would be a great distraction right now, and the promise of a night sleeping beside Niko’s ghostly form was a comfort. But she didn’t want to go home to Niko a crying mess, so she sat on the stairs between the parking lot and the Agency above with her knees pulled to her chest.

Her mom really didn’t care about her. She didn’t give two shits what happened to her daughter. It had never been clearer to Crystal than it was today, and it had already been pretty fucking clear.

You have twelve minutes, she had said.

This conversation has been a perfect waste of time.

Crystal, I’ve let you have your little delusion for long enough.

She should be beyond sadness. She shouldn’t be such a baby. She was Crystal Palace Surname Von-Hoverkraft, and she’d always been a force to be reckoned with. Not just psychic, not just magical, but strong. Emotionally sturdy. Reliable.

Even if her memories didn’t feel like her own, she recalled feeling that way. Powerful.

And, apparently, she couldn’t catch a break. Not even to have a good long humiliating cry on her own. Because the last voice she wanted to hear sounded behind her, echoing through the rickety stairwell louder than she’d ever wanted it to. “Crystal?” Edwin sounded weirdly worried. “Are you… crying?”

“No,” she said. “Someone’s fucking chopping onions.”

Edwin sat down beside Crystal gingerly, lowering himself with his hands awkwardly. He cocked his head to the side and hummed. “I can in fact recognize when you are being sarcastic,” he said. “You are not particularly subtle.”

Crystal snorted. “Did you think I was trying to be?”

“I do sometimes,” Edwin said lightly. “Perhaps not now, though, as you seem rather… tense.” He paused. When he finally spoke, his voice was oddly stiff. “Would you like to… discuss your particular malady?”

Crystal touched the buns in her hair, one after the next. She was already crying, and Edwin knew it. She might as well talk to him. What was the worst he could do?

And, as much as she hated admitting it, somewhere deep inside her she knew that she and Edwin were birds of a feather. Crystal might as well talk to him, right? Besides, she didn’t really care what he thought about her. He’d see her, and he’d be honest. Maybe that was all she needed right now. So she took a breath and said, with absolutely no prelude, “it was my mother.”

Edwin’s response was short, and his voice was light. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” Crystal said, grateful for his brevity. It made her feel like she could go on. “When Charles and I met up with her today, she was… I don’t know. A real asshole, honestly. But I hate saying that. She’s my mom, even if she was super clear that she didn’t want to see me.” She paused. “Did you know that she only gave me a fifteen-minute appointment? I’m her daughter, and she gave me a fifteen-minute scheduling block.”

“That is… less than positive,” Edwin agreed in an oddly sympathetic voice.

“That’s very British of you,” Crystal told him, and he smirked. She did, too, but felt her face fall again after a few seconds. “Just… and, like, I don’t want to bitch and moan about it, even if I’m speaking to the world record holder for bitching and moaning.”

“Now you are just needlessly instigating,” Edwin said, but there was an undercurrent of laughter in his voice. “A well-known facet of your personality, to be sure, but unnecessary right now.”

Crystal rolled her eyes. “Well, like I was saying, I don’t want to gripe too much, but like… she didn’t care that I was missing. She didn’t even fucking notice, and neither did my dad. What kind of parent doesn’t even notice when their child is missing? What kind of parent doesn’t even give it a second thought when they learned that their kid was a literal missing person?”

She was angry. She was indignant. But Edwin was looking off into the distance, his expression calm and contemplative. He looked like he wanted to say something, but was holding back for some reason.

Which sucked, because one of the reasons that she liked Edwin – though, ugh, why would she think that – was that he never bit his tongue. But his face was careful now, even if his eyes shone with some unidentifiable emotion.

“What is it?”

Edwin turned his head toward her, his shoulders rolling. He assessed her with an almost practiced nonchalance before speaking. His voice was kind, but there was an undercurrent of anger in it that Crystal didn’t understand.

Not yet, anyway.

“I do actually know something of that,” Edwin said. “Believe it or not.”

Crystal blinked. “What does that mean?”

Edwin paused. He opened his mouth once, shut it, and shook his head quickly. “When I went to Hell - ”

“God, Edwin,” Crystal said. “I know that what’s happened to me isn’t as bad as literal Hell. You don’t always have to compare.”

“I’m not,” Edwin said. His fists clenched and pressed together on his lap. “I am very sorry that I have given you reason to believe that I am.”

All the fight went out of Crystal then. “It’s fine,” she said.

“Might I go on now?”

“Fine.”

“When I went to Hell,” Edwin continued, “my disappearance was labeled an Act of God. I believe I have told you that, but… well, I have had decades to contemplate the implications of that, and to research precisely what the declaration entailed.” He paused. “One facet of such a statement is that I was not looked for. Not by anyone. Society at large, to be sure, but I do not care much for the opinions of that lot. I do, however, care that my family abandoned my search.”

“Jesus,” Crystal said.

“Yes, I do believe that is a likely reason that no one searched for me.” Edwin’s voice was saucy, but Crystal sensed an undertone of real hurt. “They did not even start, in fact. I was an Act of God from the day I went missing. To this day, my death is what Charles calls a ‘cold case.’ I remain unburied, and my mother and father could not even be bothered to purchase an empty casket for me despite their abundance of money.”

“That sucks,” Crystal said sympathetically.

“Yes,” Edwin agreed. “It is not an ideal outcome. And I know that you think me unemotional, or cold. But remembering that no one around me cared to search for me – it is the only time that I remember that I was once a person.” He cocked his head. “But this is not about me. It is about the truth that you are far from alone in your sentiments, and-” Edwin made a vibrating sound with his lips, his eyes wide. “Well. That is rather enough emotion for one sitting. I daresay that I had far too many feelings after… well. I shall have to find a way to cleanse myself of it.”

Crystal snorted, and in that moment, she felt a bit herself again.

Then, to bring the mood back to something adjacent to normal, she turned toward Edwin. “Did you know that when I was born my mom signed my forehead?”

Edwin gave her an odd look. “With one of those… magical markers? Whyever would she do that?”

Crystal laughed slightly. “No, it was a temporary tattoo of her signature. It was like I was an art piece they were curating. They wanted to make some weird statement online.”

“Your internet is indeed an odd place. A wealth of knowledge, but also a wealth of independent publications waiting to be ridiculed.”

Edwin sidled off the stair next to her wordlessly and walked away, up the stairs and toward the comfort of his books and notes. Crystal watched him go, and he never turned back.

And she knew what she had to do.

She couldn’t give up, not for herself. Not just for her own sake, though that would have been a pretty damn good reason in itself. She had to understand her powers for Charles, for Edwin… and for Niko, who had been lighting her up inside in a weirdass way lately that she didn’t even understand. She had to know who she was, even beyond her memories, and if Maddy Surname wasn’t going to help her…

Well, fuck her.

Aicha, she thought, are you there?

Her eyes went white as Aicha responded.

Always, my sweet child.

[havocdream]

Unheard and Unseen - Prelude

Summary: In the heart of the Republic Senate on Coruscant, a young senator shakes the stability of the government by presenting a bill that threatens the plans of hundreds of powerful individuals in the galaxy. Given the risk on her life while the bill remains in dispute, the bad batch are assigned as the new team in charge of the senator's security. And despite the political differences between the squad sergeant and the senator, which fill their working relationship with tension and complications, soon they will realize that in a galaxy full of injustices and horrors, the existence of the other can offer a little light to the most powerless. And, perhaps, even for each other.

Warnings/tags: Graphic violence | Mentions of genocide or mass murders | Government corruption and manipulation | Attempted murder | Graphic language | Anxiety and panick attacks | Gun violence | PTSD | Mentions of refugees of war | Terrorism | War and Violence | War crimes | Sexual harassment | Sleep disorders | Intrusive thoughts | Descriptions of death (including children and animals) | Blackmail | Explosions | Gang violence | Kidnapping | Military service and deployment | Riots | Enemies to lovers | Slowburn | Bodyguard romance | Overprotective Hunter

Read the end of prelude for notes! Read on AO3 (with more chapters uploaded)

Year 7.556 CRC, fifth month, sixteenth day.

Official record number thirty-four of the Druad case, in matter of use as evidence before the Supreme Court of Justice, and the Galactic Senate of the Republic.

Sixteen years ago, the planet Druad, which was not yet considered within the explored border areas of our galaxy, already harbored advanced and intelligent forms of life thanks to its vast and undisturbed ecosystems, covering approximately eighty-five percent of the planet, according to its first historical record.

Fifteen years have passed since its inclusion in the official records of the galaxy, but also since its refusal to be part of the network of planets of the Republic, who granted its self-sufficiency and signed an agreement of no occupation, neither cultural nor political, with the then druadan authorities. Druad was included in the galaxy as an independent planet, though not hostile to civilian or political visitors.

However, in 7.543 CRC, the arrival of Senate members to the planet coincided with the most important scientific revelation in their history, the discovery of the now known thusten, named originally drulium by the druadan, the strongest metal on record to date. A metal of Druad’s property, which its natives refused to negotiate with the Republic because of its unaffiliation with it, and the scarcity of such material.

The first hearing in the Senate about this metal was born two months after the return of these members, in which the possibility of negotiating with the druadan in exchange for the thusten was discussed. Since then, until the ninth month of the year 7.545 CRC, a hundred and twelve hearings were held on the negotiation or, and I highlight, the appropriation of thusten, a property belonging to a planet outside the network of the Republic, with no representation in the Senate and, mainly, that possessed an official treaty of autonomy.

On 7.545 CRC, the ninth month, third day, the palace of the elderly authorities of Druad was besieged by unknown forces, which caused a fire that claimed the lives of every person and object within it, including the young heirs to the planet’s throne and the independence treaty. Not a month of mourning occurred when representatives of the Republic visited the planet and found it in chaos, although no records are found to justify the reasons for visiting Druad at that time.

According to subsequent interviews with civilians of the planet, they did not know then about the existence of a treaty of autonomy of their planet or have heard anything about a galactic network of government of which their regents refused to participate. It is possible that the representatives of the Republic knew this as soon as they arrived, and so they suggested to these citizens to place one of them in the position of regency.

By 7.548 CRC, Druad was included as a member of the planets of the Republic, year in which the allocation of funds for the extraction and export of thusten to different planets of the Republic was approved. However, in two years of the validity of such law, the collection of metal was, barely, of twenty thousand tons, able to build only walls of thirteen feet for one hundred houses on five planets. Far from what their senators promised their citizens.

According to one of the official records of the Senate hearings of the same year, the decline of the metal was due to the fact that the vast majority of this had already been used for infrastructure and industry of Druad. The residences, transports, factories and others had been built with the star material, and little remained to be extracted.

But, according to subsequent interviews with druadan factory workers of those times, six years ago a team of scientists from various planets arrived to be instructed in every aspect of the thusten. They were told the reason was to find alternate ways to study the soil with Coruscant technology to find more of the material, even though the druadan were the experts on such topic.

Four years ago, Druad’s largest factory, which at rush hour housed up to twelve thousand individuals, suffered a gas leak that resulted in an explosion that although failed to damage thusten infrastructure, claimed the lives of thousands of druadan within a week. The rescue teams were slow to neutralize the threat. None of the scientists appointed by the Republic were in the town hall that fateful day.

Three years ago, the regent of Druad passed the command to another representative of the Republic, who formed a cabinet of state with figures from various planets, except from Druad. According to subsequent interviews with druadan civilians, the concept they held about the authorities of their planet didn’t conceive at all that they were made up of so many individuals from outside the planet. Most thought that more than one druadan was part of the council, for the only face they saw was that of the so-called Excellency.

That same year, the Senate approved the project that prioritized the excavation of thusten, which was now officially classified as property of the Republic. Subsequent interviews with druadan civilians revealed that the communication networks that keep most of the Republic’s planets informed were never provided to the citizens of Druad, so the news about the decisions made on their planet never reached them.

In 7.454 CRC, two years ago, the Jedi Order carried out a visit to Druad, in the matter of, according to their record, an inconsistency of balance, perhaps coherence, between the data recorded and what their sources reported to them. The masters in charge of the mission were Obi-Wan Kenobi and Quinlan Vos, who conducted a thorough exploration of the former palace of the legitimate regents and found a series of tunnels leading to several bunkers housing cultural relics of great importance to the druadan leaders. Within these objects, a copy of the old treaty of autonomy was found, which prohibited the Republic from invading, in any political matter, druadan lands. Both Jedi masters presented a motion in their Jedi Council to stop the intervention of the Republic on an independent planet. The Council exhorted  the Senate to abide by the treaty signed unanimously many years before the discovery of thusten, which established that it had permanent effects unless a member of the druadan ruling dynasty agreed to be part of the Republic’s network. With all the members of the ruling family extinct, such scenario would be impossible.

Such decision was made by the Supreme Chancellor and did not pass Senate votes. The process of withdrawal of all agents of the Republic in Druad was approved and would be obeyed once a native regent was chosen through elections, which presented numerous setbacks due to the creation of representative houses and execution of proposals by each candidate, which were, of course, supervised by the still foreign regents.

Year 7.555 CRC, just one month after the attack of the Confederation of Independent Systems on Geonosis, which marked the beginning of the current war, droid forces invaded the planet of Druad under the command of Krax Bena, a separatist warlord from the planet Jovaki. This invasion forced thousands of druadan to flee their homes and seek refuge in scattered places on the planet. Bena’s forces seized the invaded thusten territories and proceeded to dismantle these sites and export the material.

Druad, still being a member planet of the Republic, got approval from the Senate for the occupation of the planet by clone forces in the name of the defense of civilians and the resources of the allied planet, although there was no request for help or rejection initially by any native. The number of clone troopers sent to Druad is equivalent to two hundred thousand and five hundred thousand men against a similar estimated number of droids opening fire to, according to each party’s records, obtain and protect the thusten.

Today, a recent exploration of the planet reports that mines prone to containing thusten have been almost empty for years. Ecosystems cover only twenty percent of the planet, due to constant fires caused by firearms and explosives that both armies continue using without stopping. The civilians of Druad have fled to places so scattered that it is not possible to obtain a record of the true population of natives, which once amounted to sixty million and now barely reaches ten million.

Jedi master Grel Deral was sent to Druad to handle separatist hostility with his military unit, but after months of siege the results show no progress on the road to a surrender or takeover of the planet, but more destruction of lands and deaths of druadan and clones.

Against this background, I enclose a series of interviews with Druad civilians along with the copy of Druad’s autonomy treaty, as well as comparative photographs between the planet’s past and its views today. All as material to serve the audience I submit this day to put a ceasefire on Druad, the negotiation with the Confederation of Independent Systems and the immediate withdrawal of any alien presence to safeguard the resources and life of a planet that should never have been part of the conflicts of this Galactic Republic.

Proposal submitted in Coruscant to the Supreme Court of Justice by Vintra Selana. Senator from Ederon.

So, I have some heads up regarding this story that I think are worth mentioning.

First, this is a very long fic, because it’s mainly politics. I really wanted to write a piece of work very centered in political opinions, procedures and of course the huge dilemma with corruption and abuse of power. I felt the need to speak up my mind regarding some issues with this fucked up world, and wanted to create a character that could help me release some frustrations that I have for not having people like that in the governments of the world. Especially because I live in a country that’s in the first stages of a dictatorship, and have seen a lot (A LOT) of shit from politicians and people in power like business owners or corrupt journalists. It’s fucking disgusting and infuriating to feel powerless against them, so I ran to the only tool I have to ease my mind and heart a little bit: writing.

Second, this is a Hunter fic because he’s my crush and I love some romance. But… it’s a very slow burn. My character is a politician that opposes war and he’s a soldier, so of course there is a problem there and I think a strong stance on those two ideals are hard to take down if they clash. I can’t say there isn’t much romance, but I’m more focused on the development of the senator. Her fight means a lot to me and also the attempts on her life that try to take her down and shut her mouth for standing on the right place. And since she and Hunter don’t like each other at first, well there’s not gonna be a lot of fluff at the beginning right.

Third, as you might notice, english is not my mother language. I’ll try my best to be clear but if you notice some mistakes, whether in grammar or punctuation (especially in dialogues, since it’s a different format from spanish), I’ll appreciate the help!

With that said, I’d really like to know your opinion and expectations from this story. It’s been a while since I write something, and it’s the first time it’s from star wars. Also, it’s my first time posting in AO3. I apologize if the rustiness is a little bit evident on the writing and descriptions, but I feel good coming back to one of my favorite hobbies.

Thank you for taking a look! :)

Chapter One -> You won't find a better squadron

[princess-glassred]

Au where Maturin decides to bring Eddie back and let him do over his life, but the butterfly effect causes Richie to marry connor and now HE'S the one in an abusive relationship and Eddie's gotta help him out of it.

Maturin lets Eddie make one wish before he brings him back so Eddie wishes for him to have never met Myra and to break the abuss cycle sooner. He then wakes up on the morning that Mike is supposed to call him, remembering everything that just happened. It worked well, Eddie is single, happier, healthier, and wealthier now. He even ends up google searching Myra's name since, even though she was toxic, he was still married to her for a long time and finds it hard to wish ill will on her. Luckily she also seems to be doing much better, so Eddie doesn't gotta feel too guilty about his wish. It kinda sucks he's gotta fight pennywise again tho, but he knows whats gonna happen now so it should probably be a breeze.

He gets to the chinese restaurant and everything plays out excatly how you'd expect it, none of the losers have been changed at all by Eddies wish for independance. None except for Richie that is. Richie is so strikingly different Eddie doesn't even recognize him at first. He's wearing like... normal office worker clothes? And he looks cleaner and less uhhh haggered? And he even seems a little more quiet than usual. The scene where they talk about marriage goes about the same, except for when Richie says "You didn't know I got married? You seriously didn't know?" It's not a prelude to a joke. Eddie completely expects it to be but it's not, he just pulls out his phone and shows them all a picture of Connor and explains they've been together for a while now and got married in canada.

Eddie's very suspicious of this, and the overwhelming horror he feels when he finds out Richie Tozier isn't even Richie Tozier anymore, he's Richie BOWERS, makes him wanna throw up. It's actually pretty sad, because from context clues he picks up when Richie talks about Connor, he seems super unsupportive and downright mean. Richie's not even a comedian in this timeline, because Connor insisted being a comedian wasn't really viable and STRONGLY suggested Richie do something more useful. This seems to have fundamentally changed Richie's personality to the point he regards all his silly jokes and impressions he used to do as just kid shit that he's grown up past. All the losers finds this sad, especially Bev since she's been in an abusive relationship, but nobody but Eddie knows how to approach him on it.

He tries to help him realize Connor's an abusive spouse because he doesn't support him, and Richie lets it slip that the only reason he started dating Connor was because he was so lonely after the losers started splitting up. He hit total rock bottom, so before he left town he decided to give connor a chance again. And Connor managed to take the already emotionally vulnerable and insecure richie and make him even more insecure with demeaning remarks, nasty comments, and the insistence Richie change everything about himself. He does ultimately realize Connor is just using him, and that their relationship is woefully unhealthy, and it's all through Eddie reminding him of what actual love feels like.

Unfortunately this doesn't end well for either of them, because bizzarely, because now that Eddie knows to dodge pennywise and avoid getting stabbed in the stomach, some one else has to die. He realizes it's going to be Richie, but he feels that's unfair because he just finally understood how awful Connor is, he deserves to live to see a day where he's not tied down to him anymore. Eddie got to enjoy two days, knowing he wasn't burdened by his mother or Myra anymore, and that's good enough. Richie deserves that too. So he pushes him out of the way at the last second and winds up dead again. The i fucked your mom exchange is a lot more sad now though, because Richie hadn't even made a joke like that in years.

The fuckin turtle is shocked to see Eddie back, but he thinks his self sacrifice was very kind of him to do. It was so kind he decides to give Eddie ANOTHER chance, but he turns down the offer since he figured he screwed up richies life with his last wish, and he isn't too in the mood for fighting pennywise again. Maturin clarifies though that there won't be any tricks or loopholes or anything. They can just "skip right to the happy ending". So Eddie says all he really wants anymore is for he and Richie be together in the end.

He winds up outside the decaying neibolt street, being hugged by Richie. Richie is overjoyed to see Eddie survived the pennywise attack, and Eddie's just happy to see Richie back to his usual old annoying self. Then they all go to the quarry together, and Eddie and Rich smooch like Bev and Ben. Happy ending. :>

[averseunhinged]

wip wednesday!

more very extended prelude to smutty literature. also yet again possibly more of an outtake than a sneak peek. i'll have to see how it works when the whole thing is done. which i really, really hope will be soon.

this

then this

this

this

then this week's

this one

then this

and finally this

“Why did you come back?” she asked, a soft, near-murmur. “You keep saying you're leaving, but you never do.”

He looked away, the usual parade of emotions in his eyes and the way he worked his jaw, before something like resolve took over. He sat up, probably to make himself feel less vulnerable, but it brought him so much closer to her.

“When I went to New Orleans, I discovered a boy I'd raised from childhood, my son in all but name, had taken over the city and was calling himself king. I'd thought him dead for over a century. We were unprepared when Mikael came for us. It was the longest we'd ever stayed in one place, and I became complacent.”

“Klaus,” she whispered.

“No. It's true. I loved New Orleans. It was my city. I'd built it from quite literally nothing. Nurtured and shaped it.”

“It was your home.”

“I hadn't had one in so long. We should have gone fifty years earlier, had I not been a fool. But I was and Marcellus’ life was the cost. Or so I thought.”

“But that's a good thing, isn't it? That he's still alive?”

“We are strangers now, he and I. Not father and son. Perhaps one day we'll know each other again, perhaps not, but it will never be as it was. I left, because I would have been more hindrance than help. I don't have the patience for petty squabbling amongst witches. Elijah’s far better suited.”

“I don't know,” Caroline giggled. “You wear one pretty well.”

His soft affectionate smile was a fleeting reprieve. “He knew. Elijah. He knew Marcellus lived, but deemed it advantageous for the family that I remained unaware. I have made decisions like that for my siblings countless times before, but I couldn't bear to see my brother's face after he told me it had all been for the best.”

“You didn't dagger him.”

“Believe me, I considered it.” He brought his far leg up, bent at the knee, and wrapped his arm around it. The conversation lagged for long enough while he was lost in thought that Caroline almost prompted him to go on. Eventually, he sighed. “What would be the point? Someone needed to stay in New Orleans, and I was in no condition. Well,” he chuckled ruefully, “you saw me.”

She had. There'd been a fragility to him when he'd come back to Mystic Falls. A week after graduation, she'd found him in the Grill, drinking alone, and as much as she'd wanted to march over and demand to know what he was doing there, she'd also spent the past week feeling very alone. Caroline wasn't built to be on her own. She could do it. She was good at it, given all the practice she’d had, but it wasn't the way she'd choose to live. She liked having family, friends, activities that kept her involved with the town. People who knew her, even if they didn’t entirely understand her.

Maybe that was why she kept falling for werewolves.

So, she sat down next to him and pretended it wasn't a surprise to see him. He'd offered her a glass from the bottle of bourbon he'd been knocking back, and his obvious gratitude when she’d behaved like she normally would and made him buy her a vodka sour instead was enough to soften her into spending the evening with him.

She'd complained about organizing the Independence Day celebration, because their usual fireworks display vendor had been recently arrested by the ATF for selling black market cigarettes. He'd complained about the retirement of one of the people who managed his legal business interests, because the man had been particularly trustworthy, and forty years didn't seem very long to someone who'd lived a millennium. She'd talked about meeting Linda Harrison at a screening of Planet of the Apes with her dad. He'd talked about knowing Roddy McDowall and Montgomery Clift in the 1950s. They'd ended up arguing about Cormac McCarthy, the bleakness of his prose, and why the hell was his punctuation like that? They'd touched on nothing of consequence, but it was the most fun she'd had in ages, and she'd liked watching the tension in him unravel minute after minute.

He'd walked her home afterward, perfectly steady on his feet, despite the quantity of alcohol he'd consumed. Standing outside her front door, he'd thanked her for the night so sweetly and sincerely. She'd darted in to hug him without thinking about why that was a terrible idea, but couldn't bring herself to regret it when he'd left her house seeming more solid. Less like a sketch he'd drawn of himself.

[mae-i-scribble]

Since I am entirely too unwell about Ancient Magus Bride at all times of the day I have decided to break down the latest opening because I cannot do so for the friend I am watching season 2 with since she hasn't read the manga. Hands down this latest opening, Nemurasareta Lineage by Junna, is the best in the series to me. And I don't make that claim lightly, the first opening is iconic on so many levels from the visual to the lyrics, we ignore the 2nd opening bc it sucked (sorry to the fans out there I just do my best to pretend this one doesn't exist, no i have not moved on from my bitterness at its reused animation since 2016 next question), and season 2's first opening is also incredible.

However, what this latest opening brings to the table is some of the most spectacular visuals I've seen in a hot minute- and I don't mean from purely visual, I mean thematically, this opening is fucking spectacular. Every single moment has purpose and meaning behind it.

I will be putting the rest under a read more as to not clog anyone's dash bc this is gonna be l o n g

Starting off from the very first shot we already have so much thematic meaning crammed into this.

Firstly, the shot of Elias opening the book has many connotations, alluding to how he has read the Testament of Carnamagos while also alluding to the fact that him reading that book is ultimately what lead to this story happening at all. If Elias had never read it to try and transfer Chise's curse, Chise would not have done what she did and Elias wouldn't have learned how to let Chise be independent, and then Chise never would have gone to the college. In that respect it's a perfect opener for this "play," as it was the prelude to this act.

Then we have the next shot of Elias hanging like a puppet, showing us an empty vessel-like appearance before being pulled upwards. There are a lot of different ways to interpret this, personally it drew me back to how the Wil O' Wisp described a magus as "someone bound to their fate." Elias, a tried and true magus, is bound to his fate like a puppet on a string while Chise, someone who is not yet fully a magus is free to walk around the stage as herself. Elias' removal from the set, and subsequently the way he claps to bring forth the next "acts" in the show, I think speaks to the way he is largely removed from this arc. Of course he is there, watching over Chise and pushing her along as best he can, but he has very much taken more of a spectator role in this arc. He guides his pupil the best he can but lets her make her own choices.

Now, onto Chise's entrance.

With the college/the sorcerer's society as our stage, the protagonist enters. Chise walks in and looks around confused, just as she did when first entering the college and when she first learned of the dark politics lying underneath it. She is the only one not a part of the performance, the one factor that ultimately destroys the narrative the Sargent and the Rickenbacker families were trying to create.

At first, I thought these cardboard figures were a representation of the 7 powerful sorcerer families we are introduced to, but then I realized there were actually 8 figures so that theory is thrown out the window. This is something I'm not actually that confident in so if anyone else has interpretations I am so down to hear it. Obviously the woman in red holding the spider alludes to Lucy. The wolf next to her is most likely then the werewolf mother. The hooded man with the hammer I think can reasonably represent Isaac. While the knight beside him I honestly see as Rian (his sort of knight in shining armor attitude when it comes to Philomela, his very straight-laced straightforward view of things). The nun-like figure with the owl is mostly likely representing Philomela/Lizabeth Sargent. I can see the jester with the snake wrapped around him to be Zoey. For the last two figures though, I am absolutely stumped. The two women with the songbird remind me of Veronica, from the way she was raised up by her family to be a bird in a cage while simultaneously holding Philomela in an even smaller cage. For the family on the far right though I have absolutely nothing. However, I know there is some meaning behidn it, this opening is too packed with symbolism for it not to.

Speaking of symbolism, the sequence that follows is chalked full of it.

Elias ushers in the entrance of Philomela, trapped in her cage. The design of the cage and the flowers around it make it seem extravagant, exactly what Philomela's life might look like to someone not aware of what's really going on. But a cage is still a cage, and this one comes with a guardian owl, keeping watch over Philomela in place of actually showing Lizabeth. The toys lining the bottom are representative of one of the key moments that made Philomela realize just how tight the bars around her were- that she would never have her grandmother's love, no matter what she did.

Then we cut to moments of Philomela's childhood, again deceptively happy with what we know of Veronica and how she treated Philomela. The baby bird hatching from the egg, Philomela when she was still young and innocent and far too fragile. This association of the baby bird with Philomela also comes back later in a heartbreaking way so :')

Then Chise reaches out with the potpourri, and Philomela becomes alive. It's so fitting, in that Chise's kindness to Philomela, the understanding she has to exactly the pain Philomela is going through, is what touches Philomela so deeply, reminds her of the time where her life was not structured in this way. Chise gives her hope that it doesn't have to be, Chise pulls her out of it and gives her a perch to stand on, and it all began with one fateful meeting.

The shot we get of Chise smiling and swaying in the breeze is all too perfect, in showing that this desire for connection is mutual.

Fittingly, we then see Chise reach out to her friends one by one. Lucy and Zoe's each have a bit more meaning behind them, as we're still somewhat in the dark when it comes to Rian and Isaac's histories, but it still examplifies the ways in which Chise tries to help those around her as best she can. It also makes it abundantly clear why Philomela, and subsequently everyone else, are presented as children in this sequence: a direct reference to chapters 86-87 in which they all are mixed up due to Chise's influence and Chise goes around helping them regain themselves. It marks the turning point in which Philomela tries to take a stand against her grandmother and start believing in the people who have come to try and save her.

There is one gaping hole in this in that Zoey is in fact, not present at all in the whole mind melding thing, but I'm taking that as the animators/directors wanting to include him in this sequence as another main player. Plus the shot we get of him is very cheeking in showing a broken shell- in the way Chise figurative helped him break out of his shell and very literally revealed him to be a gorgon/human mix by accident.

In that interpretation it is also crucial to think about why Chise was kept as her teenage self and not also scaled down to baby form as in the original chapter. But overall keeping her as a teenager flows with the story of the opening itself better while still keeping those same allusions and thematics.

The next big shot to talk about is this one right here.

Many have already pointed out how it is an homage to the classical painting "The School in Athens." Which is very fitting for the college setting of this arc. More so than the reference itself, the way in which the characters are placed is so meaningful.

We have Chise in the center of it all as the catalyst of course. But we once more get that repetition of Elias as a bystander, observing the situation while remaining more in the background when it comes to Chise. Parallel to him is Lizabeth, who is similarly an outsider but with none of Elias' good nature, she is an outsider in that she wants to watch this scene burn to the ground (and probably why the choice was to then introduce a werewolf who leaps forwards on the attack, still under Lizabeth's control.)

Ruth and Alcyone are also parallel to one another, highlighted in a shot mirroring the two of them. This is interesting in that Alcyone is far more often paired with Elias when being given a point of comparison. While she is quite literally an artificial familiar, her presence is what sparks the idea that Elias might be something similar to her, and yet here she is paired with Ruth. They do have their similarities in the way they would do anything for the person they live for. A thought that struck me was in this mirroring there is also a contrast, Ruth shares his life with Chise, if he dies she is to die as well. However Alcyone's death was meant to be a way for Philomela to live- it was crucial in ensuring Philomela's freedom from her grandmother.

Also notably, Veronica is given a long, lingering shot. As a child, she is far more innocent looking, but the shot stays just a moment too long, as if trying to confirm the suspicions surrounding her (which manga readers will know are true). We also have Jasmine and Violet prominently featured, a very interesting choice considering how little a role they play in this arc, but I feel that current suspicions about how they will have a large role in the upcoming arc might be supported by their presence here. There actually isn't much to say about the shots with the werewolf and our first glimpse of how the show portrays the Testament as it gains a physical form.

While gorgeous there's just not much to say about them from an analytical standpoint. Besides for the way in which everyone is turned back into their play forms upon being killed, as if that was their original fate before Chise's interference with the story.

We then see Chise look devastated, the carnage of her dead friends behind her on the stage. It truly captures just how terrified she is of losing people she cares for. But then she looks at the thorn rune- plot relevant in the way her rune charms protected her friends from being killed. But it's also Elias' symbol, and yet another reminder of how he is still watching over and protecting her throughout all of this. It's only after she activates the magic that she looks up, determined to carry on and change this fate.

The start of our final action sequence for this opening is a bang, giving us this chaotic shot.

We see both bits of the classical painting and of our original stage figures being tossed around in the background referencing how the Testament literally rips its way through both the college itself and the students/teachers there. It also, notably, is not contained within the story, instead existing on the same plane as Chise. It's a being far too powerful to be contained in such a way, so it makes perfect sense for it not to be confined to the theatrical setting of this opening.

The next flash of shots is perhaps one of the most hearbreaking ones in this entire opening. First we're shown Philomela and her grandmother, then we cut to this:

Y'all the layers to this, the l a y e r s. We've already seen this bird represent Philomela in the opening itself as a hatchling. However the adult form of this bird is exactly the same as what Alcyone's base is, it is the only thing remaining once Alcyone dies. However we see all 3 stages of life here, lying dead on the ground. The Sargent family is a family of abusive cycles. Lizabeth passes down her abuse to her son, having been doomed to this path from the moment she was born. It's Adam who tries to break the cycle but ultimately fails, choosing to end his own life rather than return. This dooms his baby daughter to the same fate, nearly killing her as well. It's Alcyone, the last remaining gift Philomela has from her father and the one way he thought of to keep her safe even if he was gone. It's both about the cycles and about how they are broken and how Philomela will never truly escape the violence of the family she was born into, even after her grandmother is gone. This is then followed by the 1 picture of her parents that Philomela tries so hard to remember but cannot. Anyways I am going to be physically ill, next.

While the last sequence is just a build up to the final fight (cool as fuck but again, not much to say analytically), I do want to point out that when the Testament pulls in all the surrounding settings, it pulls in both the theatrical characters and the actual representations of Chise's friends with them. Which is such a cool little detail my jaw in on the fucking floor.

And after a brilliantly animated scene of Chise running to try and save Philomela from the jaws of this monster, everything abruptly comes to a close. Leaving us unsure of whether or not Philomela was truly saved, as the last set piece to fall away is that gilded cage, the angle making it unclear if Philomela is still inside before our title card appears. The quiet, peaceful shot of the classroom the title lingers over in favor of the chilling set pieces of the opening before it is an excellent place to end, leaving that sense of urgency and notions of the sinister lying in wait at the college.

All of this, and I haven't even touched on the lyrics- which I won't do so here. I am not a qualified translator and frankly this post is long enough as it is. It isn't as if this opening needs anything else to explain how fucking fantastic it is- the visuals themselves are stunning on a level few openings are these days. Not only does it tie into already existing thematics of the show, not only does it go through plot points we have seen and those yet to come in unique and engaging ways, the opening *itself* brings forth its own thematic reading of the college arc and Chise's place in it while telling its own story of events. Truly a masterclass piece of animation all around.

[musicaltheatregirlsandsongs]

Hi! I finished up the list of songs that made it in, I still need to make the brackets, and will post those once they’re done! Complete list under the cut

A Little Fall of Rain - Les Misérables

A Little Priest - Sweeney Todd

A Musical - Something Rotten

Agony - Into the Woods

All you wanna do - Six

Another National Anthem - Assassins

Another Suitcase in Another Hall - Evita

Anthem - Chess

Any Kind of Dead Person - Ghost Quartet

Anything you can do (I can do better) - Annie Get Your Gun

Balaga - Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812

Being Alive - Company

Belle - Notre-Dame de Paris

Brain Dead - A New Brain

Burn - Hamilton

Cabaret - Cabaret

Carnaval del Barrio - In the Heights

Carrying the Banner - Newsies

Cell Block Tango - Chicago

Chant - Hadestown

Come what may - Moulin Rouge

Confrontation - Jekyll & Hyde

Costume Party - Come from Away

Dead Girl Walking - Heathers

Dead Mom - Beetlejuice

Defying Gravity - Wicked

Dentist! - Little Shop of Horrors

Die Schatten werden länger - Elisabeth

Don’t Rain On My Parade - Funny Girl

Drink with me - Les Misérables

Dust and Ashes - Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812

El tango de Roxanne - Moulin Rouge

Epic III - Hadestown

Epiphany - Sweeney Todd

Esmeralda - the Hunchback of Notre-Dame

Everybody’s got the right - Assassins

Feast or famine - Black Friday

Feed Me (Git It!) - Little Shop of Horrors

For Good - Wicked

Get Down - Six

Gethsemane (I only want to say) - Jesus Christ Superstar

Giants in the sky - Into the Woods

Glory - Pippin

Go Tonight - The Mad One’s

Good Kid - the lightning thief

Heaven on their Minds - Jesus Christ Superstar

Holding to the Ground - Falsettos

How Can Love Survive - The Sound of Music

I’m Alive - Next to Normal

I’m Breaking Down - Falsettos

Ich gehör nur mir - Elisabeth

If I had my time again - Groundhog Day

If I were a rich man - Fiddler on the Roof

Inevitable - The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals

Independently Owned - Shucked

Joseon Swag (조선수액) - Swag Age: Shout Out, Joseon! (스웨그에이지: 외쳐, 조선!)

Judas - Clown Bible

Juntton - Gambämark

King of New York - Newsies

Land of Yesterday - Anastasia

Le Monde est Stone - Starmania

Les Rois du Monde - Roméo et Juliette, de la haine à l’amour

Let it out - The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals

Letters - Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812

Lilacs - Preludes

Loser Geek Whatever - Be More Chill

Losing My Mind - Follies

Love will come and find me again - Bandstand

Madame Guillotine - The Scarlet Pimpernel

Michael in the Bathroom - Be More Chill

My Grand Plan - the lightning thief

No One Else - Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812

No One Remembers Achmed - Twisted

Noel’s Lament - Ride the Cyclone

Nonstop - Hamilton

On My Own - Les Misérables

On the Verge - Women on the Edge of a Nervous Breakdown

Once and for all - Newsies

One Day More - Les Misérables

Place, je passe - Mozart l’opéra rock

Popular - Wicked

Prologue - Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812

Prologue: Tradition - Fiddler on the Roof

Quartet at the Ballet - Anastasia

Quiet - Matilda

Rebecca Reprise - Rebecca

Requiem - Dear Evan Hansen

Revolting Children - Matilda

Ring of Keys - Fun Home

Santa Fe - Newsies

Seize the Day - Newsies

Sick to Death of Alice-ness - Alice by Heart

Skid Row (Downtown) - Little Shop of Horrors

Solo - Octet

Starchild - Ghost Quartet

Sweet Transvestite - Rocky Horror Show

Talia - Ride the Cyclone

Telephone Wire - Fun Home

The Ballad of Jane Doe - Ride the Cyclone

The I Love You Song - The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

The New World - Songs for a New World

The Opera - Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812

The Pitiful Children - Be More Chill

The Point of No Return - The Phantom of the Opera

The Song of Purple Summer - Spring Awakening

The Starry Night - Starry

The Thrill of First Love - Falsettos

The Torture Tango - Spies are Forever

The Turning of the Key - The Clockmaker’s Daughter

There! Right There! - Legally Blonde

This World Will Remember Us - Bonnie & Clyde

Time Warp - Rocky Horror Show

Tonight (Quintet) - West Side Story

Touch Me - Spring Awakening

Twisted - Twisted

Unlikely Lovers - Falsettos

Usher Pt. 3 - Ghost Quartet

Wait For Me - Hadestown

Wait For Me (Reprise) - Hadestown

Waving Through A Window - Dear Evan Hansen

Wenn ich tanzen will - Elisabeth

What would I do - Falsettos

When the going gets tough - Spongebob Squarepants

Wilkommen - Cabaret

You Gotta Die Sometime - Falsettos

Your Daddy’s Son - Ragtime

Your Fault/Last Midnight - Into the Woods

30/90 - Tick, Tick… Boom

[lopadopalis]

Haiti is currently experiencing the prelude to genocide.

I don't know if anyone will find this, I don't even know how reliable some of these sources' details are, but something must be said.

A day ago, the Dominican Republic and Haiti had an armed standoff. They clashed over the border a month ago because of Haiti building a canal that would make them more independent from the DR.

Refugees were progressively fleeing to Nicaragua to get away from the country's ongoing spiral, but that door recently closed. It may have opened back up, I'm not certain, but the government of Haiti has gone ahead and banned flights to Nicaragua anyway.

The Dominican Republic also wants to build an actual fucking wall, and is partnered with Israel, who are currently killing Palestinians in utterly disproportionate and sickening so-called retribution.

The Dominican Republic has good relations with the United States. This post is from just eight days ago, from Biden himself.

In summary: 1. Haiti's bid to cope with their own water crisis has led to the Dominican Republic closing the border. 2. There are currently border clashes between Haiti and DR. 3. Haitians have been fleeing to Nicaragua, but the door has been closed by their own government. 4. DR has close ties with the US, so they're likely to back the DR. 5. People are dying.

I don't live anywhere near Haiti, nor am I physically affected by the unfolding situation. I don't know how bloody things really are getting in there, or how accurate some of this news is (lord knows accurate news on unfolding genocides is horrendously difficult to find), but if there's even a chance that this is actually fucking happening right now, then it needs to be said. It needs to be known. Because things are about to get very ugly.

[bibereangelum]

on Scott and Xavier.

I think three things when I think abt Charles and Scott's relationship and it's the "But Lucier was an angel too" line from AVX and the panels where Charles realizes just how badly he's failed Scott in Prelude to Schism. And also the line from Xmen 1991 #53. What intrigues me abt their relationship is that Charles has both saved Scott and also royally fucked him over and he acknowledges that in prelude to schism. Granted- not out loud to anyone but himself. Prelude to schism also! Highlights the fact that their bond is that of father and son. (Or at the very least, Charles views Scott as a son and I could debate Scott never viewing himself as anyone's child but that's for a different day.) Which is interesting 2 me again because there is that like... several month long period before Bobby where it's just Scott and Charles and I think about what that must have been like regularly. But it's important that Charles directly saves Scott from an abusive situation. I think in general Charles does surround himself with other people he can identify with because he is such a private and reserved person if that makes... any sense at all? I guess. In that regard though. He is constantly pushing Scott to be better, not just better towards humans but better than his peers. Scott has to be in control, he can't let his guard down, he is the leader, that's what he has to be. That's what Charles teaches him. It isn't even really (imo) empowerment through his mutation, it's empowerment through control. Because like... imagine being 15, with powers you can't control when everyone else can control theirs, and you're told: "No, you will not fight the weaker person even if they call you freak because you need to be in control at all times." and we see how this impacts Scott via.... every comic with Scott in it ever. And what gets me in PS1 is that we see 15 year old Scott talking back a little, we see and hear his frustrations. He's even! a little rebellious, staring up at the sky with his beams going when he knows he's not supposed to. Scott shifts from 15 year old kid to The man for the job. His role is to be strong via his control in himself and his control around others.

This kind of stands in juxtaposition imo with like... referencing X-Men movies here, the way that Erik often tells Charles that he could literally change the whole world's minds about mutants if he so wishes, he is powerful enough to do so. But Charles doesn't because morals and doing what's right SLASH exercising the control necessary to be perceived as 'not threat' by humanity. His control is needed, otherwise the idea of coexisting with humans is threatened.This leads me to the line in X-Men 91 #53 in regards to Scott "He hasn’t had an independent thought since he was fifteen. He has no will of his own." Which like in regards to Scott's backround b4 Charles even gets him. Scott is a perpetual victim of circumstance up until he starts being an X-Men.

I can talk a lot about Scott's lack of mental boundaries for ages but tbh. Scott doesn't have boundaries in general because he's never been told he should have them but that IS a subject for another time bc it also interests me the level of shit Scott takes (especially from Alex but again, subject for another time.) But Scott takes in, performs, and enacts Charles will via becoming an X-Men. He is the poster boy, the stick in the mud leader, the guy who doesn't know how to have fun. Because he has to be the man for the job. He has to be in control (like Xavier) at ALL times.

Also smthn to note about Scott as well is that Scott is like nigh incapable of doing any kind of introspection on himself. He acts a certain way, gets embarrassed and berates himself for being the way he is, and listen. Scott does not like himself! He doesn't understand why he acts the way he acts and he doesn't understand why other people don't like him when he's doing what he's told. He wants to be normal, he wants what other people have so badly. but he can't. Because he, like Xavier, has to be the man for the job.

And I think Scott's: "But Lucifer was an angel too." line in AvX is so.. raw, that entire monologue is so raw because it's Scott at his worst. It's Scott losing control but it's also Scott basically saying. "No, fuck you. This time I'm going to punch the people calling me freak, I'm tired of being the one in control" And it's explosive obviously bc he got the Phoenix in his brain or whatever. But it's also the height of Scott during what I'd call a severe mental breakdown. Not to mention he does in fact kill Charles during this. But the line effectively says: "You have created me, told me what to do, and I have done what you asked. And now you are going to damn what you have created." But it's also like. Digging into angel bullshit Lucifer is the light-bringer/truth bringer, So Scott is effectively saying: I am literally ushering the world into a new era (WHICH HE IS TECHNICALLY SUCCESFUL AT AS THIS EVENT DOES BRING ABOUT NEW MUTANTS LMAO) , like you told me to, and you want me to stop????? You want me to stop doing the thing you created me for???? I could think and talk about Scott identifying with Lucifer for wAY too fucking long. So I'll cut it short with this: Scott killing Charles, albeit not on his own volition, is a way of saying "You don't get to control what I do anymore. I'm taking the power you promised me and using it to show you what went wrong."

[soopiroth]

super tips with soup #3 - taking care of yourself all by yourself!: at home!

Hi hi hi! It's Soup here! Today's Super Tips sort of continue last time's theme of taking care of things, but this time, it's all about taking care of yourself! Some of us are independent regressors who don't want a CG, some of us don't have a CG, some of us do have one but only over the internet, and some of us have a CG but want to do things all by ourselves, or their CG might be busy! There are plenty of reasons you might want to look at this post. Today, I'll be going through a whole day of at-home activities for when you're having a not-so-busy day off and you're regressing, and how you can get through them!

As per usual, these are based on my own experiences or ideas. They might not be as applicable to you, and that's okay!

General Advice Prelude!

Part of taking care of yourself is being aware of yourself. If you struggle with your interoception (ability to perceive internal needs like hunger), such as during hyperfocus, or if you struggle with identifying your emotions due to something like alexithymia (in which you consistently struggle to name, source, and express your emotions), this may be more difficult at times. However, coping with the former can be as easy as making sure to check in on yourself and take breaks to eat/drink/visit the bathroom/nap/etc., and the latter's impacts vary depending on the person. I have less experience with the latter, personally, but I just wanted to point it out.

Rise And Shine!

Wakey wakey! You can start off your morning in many ways. Sometimes, you may want to lay in bed for a while after waking up, or go back to sleep for a little. This is okay as long as you have the time and you're not sleeping in too much. Once you're ready to get up, it's time to start doing morning things! Everyone has a different order and routine, but as soon as I get out of bed, I go to the bathroom. Then, I brush my teeth. Then, I take my meds, go to the kitchen, and make and eat breakfast. Your routine might be different! Some people brush their teeth after breakfast. Some people shower in the morning. Whatever it is, take care of what you have to take care of. Here's a list of lots of morning routine tasks I could think up. Pick whatever suits you and your needs! What you do may not be on that list, and that's okay. I probably just didn't think of it.

brush teeth

take shower/bath

take medication(s)

use bathroom

eat breakfast

get dressed for the day

comb/brush hair

get items ready for the day

Activities!

It's easy to get bored when you're on your own, so try doing some activities! These vary in how subtle they are, so depending on if you need to hide or mask your regression for any reason, some activities may suit you better than others.

Play video games! Try games for kids or games you like! Whether they're phone, console, or computer games, they tend to be a good time. Flashpoint has lots of flash games for the nostalgic little ones. You can also play current browser games on there, but they can be found without downloading Flashpoint on their respective websites.

Watch something! There are plenty of cartoons and shows to watch, or you could find something on Youtube, if you feel so inclined!

Storytime! You can read a book you own physically, or you can use your local library's website to check out a book. If you can't do that, try the Internet Archive! The Internet Archive also hosts videos and games to download or watch on-site, so check there as well. You can also listen to storybook channels on Youtube.

Play with toys! You can do other activities with them, or specifically focus on playing games with them, like House or other pretend games. You can build with blocks/legos, you can just snuggle your plushies... There's lots to do with toys. If you don't have toys that you can play with, or don't feel safe to do so, try JMKit playsets/scene makers. There's more archived on Flashpoint, too.

Art time! Draw, color, or paint! You can also write stories, make music, or do anything creative.

Bath time! If you don't plan on taking a bath later, and you haven't taken a bath already, or just have time for another one, you can sink into the tub and play in the bath or listen to music.

Worksheet time! Many agere blogs under the "agere activities" tag have worksheets you can download. You don't even have to keep them if you're worried about someone finding them. If you don't want to save them, you can always screenshot them and paste it into an image editor and delete it later. Even MS Paint can work for this!

Go on a trip! If you can, take a little outing to walk around the park, go to the pool, visit the library, or another fun activity to do solo.

Mealtime & Snacktime!

Mealtime and snacktime can be as easy as pie (hehe!) depending on what you have around the house. You can try making recipes from another agere blog, you can eat what you have around the house, or maybe you can order food! It all depends on what you want and what you have access to. If you're regressed smaller, try making sure you have easier foods around the house for yourself, or that you're willing to get big for a bit or be capable of preparing more difficult foods while regressed. Sometimes, though, all you need are leftovers and a microwave and you're as good as gold.

Chore Time!

Sometimes, you'll have a few things to do that aren't necessarily big tasks, but don't seem like little tasks, either. I find these chores to be the most regression-friendly for me, so if you have to do some while regressed, don't worry, I've got ya!

Folding laundry (I've been doing laundry while regressed for ages!)

Vacuuming (it's fun to push back and forth!)

General tidying up (picking up toys, trinkets, etc. - the real hard part is figuring out where to put them!)

Dusting

Wiping down countertops, tables, etc.

I generally don't recommend doing Big Tasks (paperwork's the big one for me) while regressed, but if you know what you're capable of, I believe in you! Go get 'em, tiger, and be extra proud that you did it well while little.

Night-Night!

As your day winds down, you should try to do less exciting activities and get into your bedtime routine. This can include, but isn't limited to:

Bath/shower time

Get into PJs

Go to the bathroom

Brush your teeth

Read a story

Take medication(s)

Get yourself comfy before bedtime, and try to go to bed at a reasonable hour. Try to not use any phones, computers, or video game consoles right before bedtime, as the blue light can keep you awake.

All Done Reading? Great!

Those are my tips for taking care of yourself by yourself. Really, for me, it's mostly keeping myself busy so I don't get bored or understimulated.

If you have anything you think I should add, elaborate on, or change, tell me! If you have a request, also tell me! I love hearing feedback on this stuff and I want to be helpful to the community!

Bye-bye now!

[balsamfir-fics]

a hope redefined (part 4, FINAL) [M]

Genres: angst, post S1 canon, more angst, romance, eventual smut, established childhood crushes to strangers to lovers, post-pining, becoming machine herald (sort of), dad!vik, political tensions, growing up, the human condition, some fluff

Pairing: Viktor/AFAB Reader

Warnings: series will have eventual smut, mentions of difficult pregnancy/injury/civil war. this prelude mentions spicy activities. she/her pronouns, but no use of YN.

Summary: Viktor shouldn’t be alive.

He shouldn’t have survived the blast of the Council attack, and even if he did his sands of time should have soon run out. And yet here he stands, part man and part machine, in a future he never planned for and an augmented body he never expected to have.

With no template to follow, Viktor forges a new path towards happiness as he grapples with reconciling the man he once was and the man he could become. Complicated as this path may be, he knows better than to waste an opportunity to spend his remaining years with you, the person he’s kept in his heart ever since you were children. Amidst the chaos of an antebellum Runeterra, Viktor finds his freedom, his future, and his family -- retelling these events through vignettes and letters to his daughter.

Chapters: Prelude | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 [M]

Chapter Word Count: ~3.65k

Author Notes: Unedited. Threequel and final part to a hope never forgotten and a hope at risk. This can be read independently of its predecessors, though reading those first will better contextualize Viktor and YN’s relationship.

It’s a bit of a comical sight, with Robin toddling along at the tender age of one and Heimerdinger at god-knows-how-old, with the grandfather and granddaughter very nearly the same height. At least, it makes Jayce laugh whenever he sees the Yordle and his adorable grandchild, but Viktor and you have long had time to get used to Robin growing out of Heimerdinger’s arms.

Today the family strolls leisurely across the grounds of the Heimerdinger Estate, enjoying (as best as anyone can) a warm and sunny day in the midst of a detente. Outside the glittering gates you can worry about the stalemate, but for at least the next hour you can enjoy the breeze and a picnic with your toddler.

Robin trips a little too close to a fountain, and Heimerdinger’s unfortunately not accompanied by his collection of Hextech gadgetry to be able to sweep the little girl away from the edge. Viktor steps in, a father too attuned to his child’s safety, and effortlessly collects Robin into his arms. She giggles in triumph, relishing in the exasperated but lovingly annoyed expression Viktor pulls at her.

He still marvels at the sequence of events that led him to becoming a father in his latter thirties; he hadn’t expected to make it to thirty at one point, and had long known his mental forecast of fatherhood — as hypothetical as it had felt years ago — wouldn’t allow him to physically chase after a child to the same extent as younger, more able-bodied parents. But now, as he squeezes his little girl in his arms, he marvels at how his augments allow him the physical agility needed to dart after Robin when she gets too close to danger. The fact that he can use this knowledge and his expertise to help those who need such aids for an improved quality of life is even more bewildering to him, but he is eternally grateful that he is able to do so.

Viktor spends a few minutes chasing after Robin in a grassy patch; despite his augments, it’s still wildly uncomfortable to chase after such a short being with one’s back hunched over. It’s one of the unexpected negatives of his newfound height and strength — when he was shorter, the amount he’d have to stoop was far more manageable.

When he finally manages to chase Robin back towards you and your father, he catches only the tail end of your conversation.

“My offer still stands, you know,” the Yordle says affectionately, reaching out with arms wide open (Robin burbles and runs right into them). “There’s far too much space in the Estate for me to fill it myself. You three could have a home right here on the main grounds, choosing from any wing you’d like — and it would allow me to selfishly be closer to this little darling as she grows.” When you open your mouth to politely turn down his offer, again, Heimerdinger decides to clarify his stance. “It’s not simply that,” he admits, face downcast as he remembers his late colleagues and the casualties incurred by the war thus far. “It’s rather that the past few years have only taught me that family and love are more important than ever before.”

You and Viktor exchange concerned glances at the weary posture Heimerdinger takes. Your father embraces his grandchild tenderly, curling himself around her as if to protect her from all the threats beyond the Estate gates. Something in Viktor’s amber irises causes you to raise your eyebrows and tilt your head in your adoptive father’s direction. Squatting low to the ground, you extricate your daughter from her grandfather’s embrace and gently proposition her to ‘come on a walk with Mama?’ — then you step away, giving the other two time to talk privately.

————————————————————————————————————————

Viktor fondly watches you and Robin head into the main building, where staff immediately crouch to shower Robin with endless praise. Then he turns, looking for his former mentor, and jogs with an ever-so-slightly uneven pace after the Yordle. He’s always been impressed with how much ground Heimerdinger can cover when one isn’t looking. He follows Heimerdinger to a familiar corner of the estate; the architecture of the buildings here have always reminded Viktor of some parts of Zaun. His lips lift at old memories of him running here after a frustrating fight with you, or whenever he missed home.

Viktor’s pace slows to a measured walk as he approaches where Heimerdinger is lost in thought.

“Professor,” he starts, calling the Yordle’s attention. “I’ve never minded living here. I’m not against it in the slightest.”

Heimerdinger smiles at that, but knows that Viktor needs to continue.

“Okay, I will admit that it does at time feel like a farce — for me, at least, the little sickly Zaunite boy you gave a scholarship and a home.”

“Viktor, my boy,” Heimerdinger chuckles. “Everyone is a part of several worlds, many of which seem completely separate when you don’t account for that fact that it’s the people who bridge them who break down those walls. When I was removed from the Council, I was given back the free time I once had to travel beyond the bridges and meet people outside of Piltover once again. I met brilliant young minds who were just like you, and they reminded me that I should use my long life of knowledge to help our formerly joined cities find peace and cooperation rather than fostering meaningless separation. I admit I was naive; too fearful of magic, too trusting of my fellow councillors — I mistakenly thought that if I shielded us all from the sins of the past that I could prevent them from happening again. I forgot, in my age and willful ignorance, that free will can be used for good and for bad; that giving bright minds hundreds of thousands in scholarships will not always result in cases like yours.”

“Professor, you gave me access to resources that would let me achieve my dreams,” Viktor urges, perhaps to comfort his mentor’s lamentations. But Heimerdinger shakes his head and raises a small hand.

“I should have supported you and young Jayce earlier; perhaps then your work might not have been exploited to this extent. The things you uncovered; the technologies you built — they changed the world!” He praises his protege, then frowns slightly as he takes Viktor’s hands into his. “But of course, caution is still necessary.”

Viktor swallows thickly, but is in full agreement.

“I want to offer you unfettered access to funding from my personal coffers for an academy in Emberflit Alley,” Heimerdinger says much to Viktor’s surprise. “Not,” the professor’s voice takes a warning tone. “…Not the laboratory-cum-operating room you have, though I will still provide limited but stable funding there. You understand, my boy, that I do not want your work to be corrupted by those with nefarious interests, and I want you to be careful with your work both on yourself and on others.” (Viktor nods, again in agreement).

“This isn’t a bribe for us to move back to the Estate, is it?” Viktor teases, of course — you and he had already decided to alternate your time in Piltover and Zaun for Robin’s benefit as a child of both.

“Certainly not!” Heimerdinger has the sense to sound mildly offended, but breaks into a smile. “I just think that it might be better to help you teach wherever you might be needed more, and for the moment I don’t think it’s the university of Piltover’s students that would most benefit from your intelligence.”

Viktor’s floored at the gift. No words make it from his swirling thoughts to his mouth, but the professor seems to understand.

“You’re my son, my boy,” says Heimerdinger now. “Through my daughter, of course, but I have always cared for you ever since you came to study with me.” Then, sensing that Viktor might short-circuit from the outpouring of affection, Heimerdinger laughs and suggests they find you and your daughter inside. 

————————————————————————————————————————

Watching you explore the world we live in is a great joy; it’s incredibly funny at times, because you have so much to learn, and other times completely gut-wrenching because the way you see it is so incredibly pure. It’s my job (with Mama!) to preserve that as long as we can, and I hope so far we’ve been doing well with that.

You walk a lot now, and when I say a lot I mean quite a lot. I’ve had to specifically exercise my unaugmented leg in order to maintain physical balance between the two and keep up with you. Even Uncle Jayce has a hard time — you’re quite the speedster! Now that you’re able to stand on your own two feet with less help, I have a task I’m going to give you soon.

It’s related to a little secret of mine; I’m telling you here first because I need to let it out somewhere or else I might risk revealing it by accident. Little bird, I’m going to propose to Mama, finally. Many years ago, when your mother and I were long-separated and I missed her, I would fall asleep and dream of the most beautiful things that were impossibilities once I woke up. But now they’re not-so-impossible. In fact, at this point I feel that a wedding would be more of a formality than not.

But in the past time we’ve been together, there have been a great number of things in the way from your mother and I being in the same place, safely, for more than a few months at a time. I have hopes that the universe might comply with my marital vows and allow us to have the requisite peace needed to stay united, with you in our care, every day.

Mama is asleep right now, as well as your grandfather. I thought about where I’d want to ask her to marry me, and almost did it back at the flat in Emberflit Alley when I first finished making her ring. But we’re mere rooms away from the two that your mother and I grew up in, and I think I’d like to propose to her in our old playroom where we made so many memories (and where we hope you make many more memories, too). A lot of things happened in that room, but I’ve never known sadness in that room specifically. It’s a happy place to make happy memories, so it seems fitting to raise the question while we are both here.

I did think about waiting until this is all over; by this I mean the war in Valoran that seems to be with Noxus but is really about the void. But your grandfather wisely reminded me that family and love are what we should hold to now more than ever. I can’t guarantee the outcome of the war, but I can guarantee how much I love you and your mother.

Tomorrow after lunch, I’ll ask Mama to come read a letter I’ve hidden in our childhood bookcase. You’ll probably be playing nearby with our old toys. Then, when she’s done with the letter, she’ll turn around and I’ll be kneeling. Hopefully you’ll be in one of my arms (probably squirming, I expect, because you won’t understand what’s happening), and the ring will be in my other hand. We’ll see what happens. Realistically, I know she’ll say yes, but despite that somehow I can’t help but feel nervous.

————————————————————————————————————————

Uncle Jayce came by for lunch for some reason; maybe he was lonely, or bored. Either way, I wish he weren’t here; I’m not in a mind to talk to him as I’m too worried about whether my proposal will go smoothly. 

————————————————————————————————————————

I realize you’ll know the outcome by the time you read these letters (and the scrap of napkin I enclosed just before this one) — but your mother and I are now engaged. Presumably we’ll have gotten married within a reasonable timeframe, but given how excited your grandfather seems about the wedding itself, I wonder whether your mother and I will survive all the planning.

Maybe we’ll elope. 

————————————————————————————————————————

Little Robin, you’ve been such a wonderful flower-girl. I’m a bit tipsy, or perhaps more than tipsy right now, but as I’ve gotten into the habit of writing to you before bed, I picked up the paper and started writing before I realized what I was doing. Please forgivve your very drunk, very happy, very married father for his transgressions. 

Robin, this is your mother — you certainly were the best flower-girl that anyone could ask for. I’ll make sure to hide his letter-writing materials whenever your father is drunk, though really I blame this on your Uncle Jayce and his passing of rather hard drinks to your father all night long. Anyway, you’re sleeping soundly a few rooms away under the care of the Estate staff, who were very keen on wrestling you out of my arms and locking your father and I into our room; I know they adore you but it was still a bit odd, I think, but in the least I know you are safe — ohhhhhhhhhhh. 

————————————————————————————————————————

Apologies for failing to write in a timely fashion, though of course as you read these the gaps won’t be noticeable. I read back some of the last few letters and I’ve a mind to only let you read these when you become an adult, or perhaps if you yourself get married someday then these might be a gift to you as a testament of our love for each other and to you. Regardless, I do think you’ll only be given this once you’ve reached maturity.

I suppose now is as good of a time to write about a number of things, including victory over the Void, promising peace treaties with Noxus, and your baby brother. But as I’m a little embarrassed by the last letter, despite the many months since then, I think it’s best to let your school-books cover the first two and your own experiences with your little brother, Altair, communicate the rest. 

————————————————————————————————————————

Blitzcrank clods by on the greens of the Heimerdinger Estate, watching over Robin and Altair (or rather, providing shoulder rides for the rambunctious two). They’d woken up incredibly early, but the night before you’d asked Blitzcrank to help distract them in that very event.

Viktor stirs beside you, grumbling at the sunlight that begins to streak in from the window. You can’t help it; you bite his shoulder in wicked glee. He turns beneath the covers, blearily blinking at you as he props himself up onto his shoulders.

“Didn’t you have enough last night, my sparrow?”

You flash him a grin. “Apparently not,” you muse, before wrapping yourself around him. Not that he minds; if this is what he gets for being lauded with a lifetime award at the university for his contributions to Hextechnology, so be it. It’s not every morning that they get to remotely sleep in without two kids jumping into your bed (thank goodness he’d made changes to his back brace when he did, because he’s quite sure that his children would have broken him long ago if he hadn’t).

Viktor hums now, pleased by your admission but still wondering where he might have been … insufficient. “I think you just might be insatiable,” he sighs. He settles back down into the bed and wraps his arms around your shoulders, relishing in the feeling of bare skin on bare skin.

“Perhaps,” you return. “I should think that it’s my right as your spouse to give you a run for your money.”

“That you do,” he laughs. Then he half-gasps, half-chokes; he’s surprised but not displeased by your curious fingers trailing up his thigh and closing around him. You smile at him, momentarily giving him a very innocent smile before disappearing beneath the covers. “Wait, my love, what—“ His words die on his lips as yours close around him. Viktor’s eyes roll up before he scrunches his eyelids shut; he allows himself an exhale to keep any shreds of self-control he has left. It doesn’t work that well, especially when the feeling of his fingers in your hair make you work more enthusiastically. “I really think—“  You don’t let him finish the thought, choosing instead to take advantage of his sensitivity left-over from the night before.

To his credit, once he catches his breath (and catches a glimpse of you looking like the cat that ate the canary), he turns the tables and drags you up over his face, using his hands to elicit reactions from anywhere and everywhere he can access. If the sounds you make and the creak of the headboard beneath your grip are anything to go by, Viktor has much to be proud of. He smiles against you, tongue taking experimental licks to see how you react to movements he doesn’t normally use. It delights him to know that he still holds so much of an effect over you despite the years of marriage and two children. His fingers grasp at your hips, trying to hold you steady so he can maintain his torturous pace on your clit, but you’re shifting and squirming even in his solid grip.

If there’s one complaint he has about pleasuring you like this, it’s that he can’t really say naughty things to you. But it matters little when even the slightest change in pressure has you whimpering and coming undone above him. He’s surprised at how sensitive he can make you, even though nights like these are plenty and frequent as compared to the long periods of waiting and anticipation you’d both been put through before. But Viktor chalks it up to a bit of luck and the feeling deep in his bones that he was meant to be yours and you his — not only in bed, but in heart and life and in family.

He knows he’ll still be incredibly embarrassed heading down to lunch later with the whole family (with the staff having no way of not knowing why you and Viktor failed to attend breakfast), but for now he puts his worries to rest and indulges himself in you, working you through high after high until he is convinced you have been sated at last.

When it’s your turn to gasp for breath and stare at the ceiling in post-coital recovery, Viktor stretches his long limbs and gets up to find the pyjamas you’d strewn about the room the night prior. He disappears briefly, but quickly reappears with two cups of warmed sweet-milk. Sitting at the edge of the bed and sipping at his carefully, he waits patiently for you to gather your bearings.

When you don’t, he peers curiously over the swell of the comforter to find you napping once more. He laughs — the milk is considerably cooler than when he’d brought it in, but not cool enough to have taken more than mere minutes. He leaves you be, changing into his day-clothes and heading out in search of his children. But Viktor makes it not two steps out side of the room before remembering to circle back and leave something for you to wake up to. He folks the paper and props it up against your glass of sweet-milk, then finally makes his escape. 

————————————————————————————————————————

Dearest, sleepiest Sparrow, 

You’re sprawled out in bed as our children cavort elsewhere on the grounds; I’ve brought you a warm drink that will probably be cold by the time you’re up, but it should be delicious regardless. It’s a small gift considering what you’ve given me throughout the years, but as we approach forty and still manage to have great fun like that, I know I’ll have many more opportunities to keep, hm, giving to you.

I’m off to find Robin and Altair, the two people I never in my wildest dreams thought I’d be able to meet. We’ve come so far and been through so much to greet them, and no matter how absolutely unexpected our lives turns’ may have been, it sometimes feels like this was the inevitable outcome all along. I don’t mind that much, though it’d have been much nicer to have some idea of what was to come when I was at the deepest lows of my life. Seventeen years now feels like a short period of time to have waited for our family and this future we share. Of course it hadn’t felt that way at the time, but here we are. Thank you for coming back into my life and for writing to me back then; for saving your letters instead of discarding those unsent.

I don’t know what the next seventeen will hold for us as the children grow up and find their own paths forward, but I am looking forward to what is to come so long as it is with you.

But for now, I hope you at least wake up at a reasonable hour and join us for lunch, so that we might cherish these short days while the children are young and relish in the warmth of family. And if you’re not awake by then, I’ll take it upon myself to find creative ways of getting you up… though perhaps my methods may be counterintuitive if this is how soundly you sleep when I choose how to bid you good morning. 

I’ll see you soon, but somehow I still can’t wait. 

Your Viktor

[tarisilmarwen]

Rebels Rewatch: “Empire Day”/“Gathering Forces”

It’s the midwinter two-parter where Shit Gets Real and I realized for the first time, “Oh.  Oh this show is playing for keeps.”

I don’t envy TV writers, I really don’t.  It is a hard-ass balance sometimes between serialized and episodic entries, which is what most media seems to want to be, as opposed to completely serialized or completely episodic.

(The difference being that full episodic shows are “Jump in any time, there’s no overarching plot, you can just be here for the ride.” and serialized shows rely on you watching nearly every single episode to understand the continuity.)

What a lot of kids shows will do, I’ve found, to strike that balance, will be to have mostly episodic disconnected episodes (”fillers”) with a few “event” episodes here and there to advance the plot.  (For the best example I can think of, see 2003′s Teen Titans, majority episodic with a handful of plot arc episodes.)

Rebels is... not quite that because as I’ve said I really don’t consider any of these lead-up episodes “filler”; they’ve all contributed in some fashion to the overall Season One plot, all been woven pretty tightly, a testament to the strength of the writing.

It’s hard to know how to classify Rebels.  The episodes are independent enough that you can miss a handful and still have the general plot but truly episodic writing doesn’t bother to reference the events of previous episodes, or--especially in the case of kid cartoons--keep character growth in place across the seasons.  Rebels falls closer to Avatar: The Last Airbender in that regard, no surprise given the creative crossover behind the scenes.

All of this is sort of a roundabout way to say I was not expecting us to get into some really serious meaty plot developments seven episodes in.

[Insert Palpatine’s “A surprise to be sure, but a welcome one.” as you please.]

It was really quite a delight to see Rebels striking out with such confidence at big dramatic events early on, and it sticks the landing excellently.

Anyway, apologies for that long rambling prelude, let’s get into the episode proper.

Jhothal always seems a lot smaller in wide shots than it does on ground level.  It throws me.

Sabine is in a much better mood this episode and also seems... unusually interested in what Ezra and Kanan are doing.

She looks very purposefully to the side as she’s following Zeb, takes her helmet off, and stares across the field towards them.  Eyes soft, lips slightly pinched.

Recall if you will that one of the music tracks in the finale is called “Sabine Sees Ezra”.  It’s a bit of an undercurrent theme and visual motif with them.  She sees him.  She’s always kind of quietly watching, observing, noticing things with and about him.  Something I’ve always loved about their interactions is that for all the stubborn walls she has around her own emotions she’s always very dialed in and attuned to Ezra and how he’s feeling.  (And vice-versa.)

More to develop on that end later in the episode. :)

ALSO NO ONE TOUCH ME WITH THE KANERA “You could always see me.” PARALLELS IMMA CRY GKGFSKJH.

Dropping in closer on Kanan and Ezra’s Jedi lesson, and Kanan is trying to teach one of most core fundamental principals of the Force, via a bit of practical Beast Control.

“Step outside yourself.”  “Make a connection.”  “You’re not alone.”  “You’re connected to every living thing in the universe.”  “You have to let your guard down.”

It recalls Obi-Wan’s “Reach out with your feelings.”  In order for Ezra to progress any further in his training, he has to be able to reach out and connect with the Force.  But to do that, he has to let down his self-protective walls and be vulnerable and open, he has to be at peace within himself, he can’t have a messy ball of unprocessed emotions and traumas tangled up inside him.

The Force is your ally, but you have to be open to it.  Let go of the past, of your fears and whatever is holding you back, and make the connection.

It would be a hard enough lesson on a normal day, let alone one this significant for Ezra.

But he’s trying, dammit.

Love that all it takes is a stern, “Excuse me?” from Kanan for Ezra to back down from his outburst and apologize, and explain why he’s having trouble with this particular lesson.

Remember what I said about Ezra’s tendency to hug his arms self-protectively when he’s feeling insecure?

Yeah.

Also, for no particular reason, Loth-kitty meows:

CUUUUUUUUUTE. <3333

Kanan can tell that something’s up with his padawan, and probes.  And Ezra, unlike a certain other emotionally constipated character we could mention (*COUGHANAKINCOUGH*), doesn’t deflect but apologizes again and explains that Empire Day is never a good day for him.

Before we can learn the significance of why, exactly, the plot arrives.  Heralded by the opening notes of the Imperial March and just a bit of the Death Star leitmotif.  (An interesting choice.  An oblique allusion to the idea or element of a theft of secret Imperial plans perhaps?  Tseebo stole valuable information about future construction projects from the Empire and needs to be smuggled to the Rebellion after all.)

Love this shot of Ezra starting to reach for his slingshot.

And this is a new music cue and I like it!

Wow, that TIE pilot just smacked away the drink Jho just made for him, rude.

Not gonna lie, Ezra has a really nice death glare.  Do not get this boy angry.

No really, don’t, it uh... involves the Dark Side.

Imperial propaganda hooray!  Palpatine using old archival footage of himself pre-wrinklification for the holonet broadcast here, projecting himself as haler-looking than he actually is.

Given that Trayvis is actually an Imperial plant, I wonder if his encouraging the citizenry to make trouble was actually a ploy at getting Rebel cells to reveal themselves by protesting.

Kanan letting Ezra go be alone and decline to participate in the shenanigans is remarkably understanding.

Luke’s theme excerpt and then... oh shoot, I know this one but I can’t remember where in the OT score it is.  I think it’s part of the end credits?  Fittingly melancholy anyway.

Ezra kept his old house key. :(

And there’s his theme piping in here.

We know his parents are still alive at this point so this bit is either Force-assisted memory recall of things they said in the past, or the Force taking their voices on to gently spur Ezra into action.

Either way the Force is basically nudging him with a toe like, “C’mon... have character growth.“

I want to know whose idea it was to make the Imperial March into a diagetic (in-universe) song and tweak the harmonies into major key to turn it into a jaunty parade tune because that was genius.

“Governor Pryce sends her regrets.”  Lololol that bitch doesn’t regret ditching her backwater homeworld for a minute, she’s probably already schmoozing with Thrawn right now.

Budget constraints showing just a little bit in the copy/pasted extras there.  (The money went towards the animation in the second half of the two-parter I’ll bet lol.)  Fortunately they don’t linger long on the shot.

Rudor about to have his day ruined personally again. XD

Okay some of the budget probably went into the firework effects, let’s be honest.

It’s so pretty.

Kanan acting drunk to diffuse suspicion is both hilarious and hurtful given the whole former alcoholic thing.

Ezra pretending Kanan is his dad. <3333333

Sabine sounding genuinely concerned when she asks where Ezra went, which immediately makes him light up and tease her.  And Zeb’s the one that scoffs about it, interestingly.

After the events of “Breaking Ranks”, it seems like the Inquisitorius has figured out the Spectre Cell stays pretty close to home base on Lothal and since Grand was already there he’s been lurking.

Man, if Zeb could’ve just aimed a little lower...

Hard to tell what the black marks on Ezra’s house are.  Some of it looks like graffiti but some of looks like carbon scoring.  Or age?  Mold?  Cracks?  IDK.

Either way this whole scene hurts.

Ezra bluntly talking about the sterile facts of his past while shunting away any attempt to go into how he feels about it emotionally.  And meanwhile Kanan is just all:

*CONCERNED DAD NOISES*

Sabine, meanwhile, gets this wonderfully understated look of dismay when Tseebo reveals that it’s Ezra’s birthday.

I kind of wonder if Ezra maybe has a touch of psychometry?  Because him touching significant items like the disc and his house key and hearing voices from the past through the Force seems awfully like he’s experiencing Force Echos.

Fanficcers please write more Cal and Ezra meeting okay, I need it.

One of the biggest questions I still have about Ephraim and Mira is, did they know?  Could they tell?  I like to think they did.  I know it probably wouldn’t matter either way, they still would have spoken out, but I like the extra angst it generates.  Speculating about the fraught conversations they must’ve had--If they speak up will they paint a bigger target on his head?  How long can they hide it?  What could they do to make sure he’s safe should the worst happen to them?

Fanficcers please write Mira and Ephraim escaping with Ezra on The Path AUs, again, I need it.

Sabine makes her way down to call Ezra back up, asks about the disk, and my gosh she has such pretty concerned expressions this episode.

I adore her for this.  Ezra dismisses the disc as probably only having one of his parents’ broadcasts on it and she pockets it anyway, takes a look at what’s on it later.  Was it curiosity or was she hoping to find something encouraging on it to cheer him up with?  Or maybe both?

OH WOW I NEVER PICKED UP ON THE EMPIRE HAVING BLUEPRINTS AND PLANS FOR AN UPGRADED T-7 ION DISRUPTOR.  T-8S, A WHOLE BRAND NEW MODEL.  THAT’S HORRIFYING.

The “five year plan” for Lothal and every other Outer Rim world pinged fandom’s alarms like right away, because Rebels starts five years before the Battle of Yavin, so again, we were all assuming Death Star shenanigans.  Given the whole scope of the show and the construction modules in orbit by the finale I still think it fits.

Since a bunch of other worlds were involved as well, the “five year plan” could very easily be the timeline of when certain milestones of the station needed to be completed, how much raw material needed to come from where and when it needed to be delivered, what parts get built over various worlds, and how many TIEs needed to be manufactured to outfit it.

As the episode established earlier, Lothal is heavily involved in the development and construction of new kinds of TIEs.  Thrawn probably advocated for his Defenders to be made there because of the convenience of the existing factory infrastructure.

That and the fact that there’s a Jedi Temple and an apparently inordinate amount of Force Sensitive kids, and the kyber shipment they disrupted earlier, and Lothal was definitely also supplying kyber crystals for the laser.

LOLOL Tseebo running into walls like a glitching NPC.

Whew the transports are pretty sturdy, it just sheered off the AT-DP’s foot and upended another transport there.

Ezra’s laugh right here is so pure.

I’ve always wondered... where exactly does this highway go?

Underrated Papa Wolf Kanan moment: Kanan just smacking this bike trooper into the wall and wailing on him when he dares to raise a fist towards Ezra.

Oh!  And followed by him yanking that same bike trooper wholecloth out of the transport with the Force and yeeting him into the other one.

*sees bike troopers smack into the street light poles*  Oh they dead.  They 100% dead.

Takes like five shots from the Ghost to upend that pursuing transport, man these things are sturdy.

Holy crap the lighting in this sequence, did y’all notice???

Kanan’s badass leap onto the ramp. <33333

“I have to man to nose guns!”  And yet!  The moment she hears something happening back inside the room with Ezra she turns around.

Stays in the doorway long enough to translate.  And immediately realizes the significance of it.

Cut to black TO BE CONTINUED, I think I might have actually given an indignant Big No the first time I watched this.

One downside of this rewatch, I am noticing all the little moments where character pathways through the Ghost aren’t in cohesion with the actual ship layout.

Inside the galley, and Sabine has still not gone and got on the nose gun despite how supposedly urgent that is lol.  Hera has to yell at her over the comms.

And then Ezra has to poke her about it as well.  But she shoots back because dammit he has a chance to get closure about his past traumas, possibly reconcile with and see his parents again why is he not immediately jumping on this?  Doesn’t he know what she would give to have the same chance?

Ezra insists, through gritted teeth, that he already knows they’re dead, but there’s a flash of vulnerable uncertainty in his eyes.

But he won’t budge, he won’t talk about it, not to Sabine, not yet, and snaps at her to go, giving her his best death glare.  She’s stung a moment but finally gets moving.

But as soon as she’s gone the glare drops off his face and he turns around and shakes Tseebo for the answers and oh my gosh the fear and hurt flickering across his face here sfksjfhk.

Instead of answering, Tseebo starts babbling apologies, because apparently Ezra’s parents entrusted him with looking after Ezra and, for whatever reason, Tseebo couldn’t or wouldn’t take Ezra in.

I know I keep gushing about the animation for people’s expressions on this show but seriously, just watch Ezra’s face here, look at the disgust when Tseebo asks Ezra to forgive him, the tiny jerky little head movements.

He’s so hurt.  And it’s understandable, but it’s the reason why he’s blocked, why he can’t connect.

The Ghost, meanwhile has been trying to outrun TIEs and get into the clear long enough to make hyperspace calculations this whole time.  Modern Disney Lucasfilm sometimes has trouble remembering the franchise’s own technical lore and rules so I’m always appreciative when a writer remembers them.

Ezra does his best repair job to the navicomputer (even though it’s not his specialty) but implant-enhanced Tseebo is the one who actually saves the day, finishing the job in seconds and uploading coordinates directly into the computer.  If that’s what those cybernetic implants are capable of, no wonder the Empire’s fond of them.

Ezra plasters on a smile and hides behind his trademark snark to cope.

Side commentary on technical lore and mechanics because *plays the ~“Everything TLJ did, Rebels did better”~ record on a loop* the way ship tracking usually works in Star Wars is that your tracking device will send out a ping once the ship it’s attached to exits hyperspace, which assumedly beams out your location to the receiver.  You can’t track through hyperspace.  You can travel in hyperspace along the same general trajectory you saw the target ship leaving in (because hyperspace lanes are a thing) but you won’t know where it is specifically until it drops out to realspace, whereupon you can adjust your course accordingly.

The big thing in Last Jedi was supposed to be “Oh no, the Empire First Order can track us through hyperspace, we literally can’t escape them!“ which would have been a neat twist if Rebels had not literally already done that first and better.  The plot device here in Rebels is small, unobtrusive, and can easily be installed by an ace pilot with great aim or by a saboteur who knows all the good hiding spots on a vessel. (Speaking of, was there ever actually a spy in the Resistance Fleet I don’t know if that was ever followed up on?)  It’s not overcomplicated, and it accomplishes the same general effect.

TLJ on the other hand...

...Yeah I’m not going into that mess.

Tl:dr- I cannot stress enough how it’s really really important for your writers to talk to each other.

Off that tangent now.

The first thing we’re treated to in this scene is Sabine and Ezra playing I’m Not Looking At You.

(But I Totally Am)

Sabine’s silent concern is palpable, but she stays quiet.  Kanan, the other person who knows why Ezra’s upset, on the other hand, comes right out and grills Ezra directly.

And Ezra chooses to hide in one of his nicked cadet helmets.  (That Sabine painted for him.)

Kanan dishes more Basic Jedi Lessons 101: You have to be honest about what you’re feeling.  The Jedi practice a common therapy technique called mindfulness, which is all about being aware of your thoughts and feelings and why you’re feeling that way.  Mindfulness is important to help Jedi keep themselves in check, keep a level head about things, and understand themselves, which in turn is what enables them to understand and use the Force.  Serenity within self leads to serenity with the universe.

Needless to say, Ezra--with all his messy complicated feelings, unprocessed trauma, and layers of denial and defensiveness--is having trouble with that right now.  His sharp, “What’s that supposed to mean?!” recalls Anakin in The Phantom Menace, irritably asking the Council, “What does that got to do with anything?”, about the fear of loss they can sense festering inside him.

Kanan discerns the truth, that in spite of what Ezra claims, he does have empathy for Tseebo.  This bit recalls Ezra in the pilot, vehemently denying that he cares about anyone but himself while the selfless heartbeat of the Light still quietly pulses through him.

Ezra points out the reasons he shouldn’t care about Tseebo and that’s when Sabine stands up with her theory that Tseebo volunteered for the implant specifically to make up for all that, and set things right.

That conversation is interrupted--yet again, it’s a running trend with them--by Tseebo announcing that they’re being tracked through hyperspace.

The crew confirm this in the next scene and lore appreciation moment, remembering that forcible ejection from hyperspace is violent and dangerous and could very well destroy your ship.

And also CONTINUITY APPRECIATION, we’re gonna drop by the fyrnocks again! :D

And hinting at the idea that some of the Inquisitors (Grand at least) can track Jedi across distance.  (One wonders if this was how Fifth and Seventh kept finding them.)

Ezra decides to go sulk in the kitchen and Sabine seeks him out.

God I love this scene.

Sabine asks him if he really thinks his parents are dead, Ezra confesses he doesn’t know (more honest already!) but acts like it doesn’t matter and Sabine gets unusually agitated, pushing for Ezra to talk to Tseebo before he goes.

She’s almost personally offended by Ezra’s seeming lack of desire for closure.

(It’s because she understands how much it hurts.)

Don’t mind me I’m just looking at their pretty faces.

Hngl, this is such a wonderful moment of Ezra being guarded and yet vulnerable.  He couldn’t let himself believe his parents would come save him, or he wouldn’t have been strong enough to survive, and this is the part I think Sabine relates to.  She probably had to do something similar after her own family cut her loose.

She still doesn’t want him to leave things unresolved, though, urges him silently with her eyes right here.

HELLO SAD FINALE THEMATIC PARALLEL FEELS HOW YA DOIN’?

Kanan has to stop Sabine from arguing further with small subtle hand gesture, and it’s only then that she backs down.

It’s been pretty quiet in the score up until this scene, but this cue is interesting.  It sounds like a disjointed, fragmented variation on Ezra’s theme, soured, quiet, and hesitant, the melody barely breaking over the background strings.

“Strap in.” To what, Kanan?  These seats don’t have restraints.

Subtle animation appreciation moment: The way Ezra puts a hand over his face apprehensively in the background while Kanan’s talking.

Love how Rebels depicts forcible ejection from hyperspace.

Yeah some of the skimped budget from last episode definitely went into this sequence. XD

The music track we heard associated with the fyrnocks back in “Out of Darkness” creeps back in, returning us mentally right back there.

And Kanan tells Ezra he’s basically throwing him in the deep end, revisiting the lesson he was trying to teach last episode, only in a more mortal peril context.  Fly or Die, as the trope goes.

A bit of undue pressure on Ezra?  Maybe.  But also, Kanan was not going to let anything bad happen to Ezra.  But he has to put Ezra in a situation where there’s the appearance of no other option, to blunt force his way into a breakthrough.  It the same thing he would do down the line with Sabine, to help her work through the mental block that was preventing her from committing to the darksaber.

Ezra timidly confesses that he’s afraid and Kanan praises him for admitting it, HNGL THEY’RE BOTH ALREADY SUCH GOOD JEDI AND THEY DON’T KNOW IT.

I love this scene I love this scene I love this scene SO MUCH.

First off!  The animation is really pretty in an understated way, not so much about the colors or light/dark balance (though the eerie glowing effect of the fyrnock eyes in the darkness is great) but again, the character animation and how much emotion and story it tells.

Ezra nervously peeking as he tries to connect, the panic that hits his eyes as his head whips around, realizing they’re surrounded.

Second!  This scene is so cathartic.

Kanan is already right there, ready to step in and take over.

Pushing at Ezra to mentally work through why he’s afraid, what he’s afraid of.  To let go.

Let go of the fear, the anger, the hurt, let go of all the barriers preventing you from reaching out.

And Ezra realizes he’s not afraid of the creatures, he’s afraid of the truth, afraid to face that potential loss all over again.  The Force ring sound effect chimes out, across the galaxy Tseebo’s mind suddenly clears and...

Ezra’s unique ability to connect, blocked by fear and unlocked through forgiveness.

Kanan looks so proud asgaksjh.

(A little bit astonished it worked so well too.  Lol.)

Back with Hera, dropping Tseebo off with the Rebellion, and a nice little bit of a follow-through with Sabine asking snarkily if they can meet Fulcrum now and being quietly disappointed but accepting when Hera says no.

It’s really sweet how Tseebo wasn’t even trying to access Imperial secrets, he just wanted to find his friends. <333

Hera hears what Tseebo knows but because of the semi-episodic nature of this show (and certain plot developments later in the episode), the answers to that mystery are tabled until Season Two, when it’s revealed that Kanan and Hera have been looking for the Bridgers the whole time.

Oh but because they didn’t tell Ezra they were looking that means they were keeping secrets and that makes them horrible peop--*shot*

And now it’s time for my other other favorite scene of this episode. :)

The rhythmic percussion of an Imperial leitmotif accompanies Grand’s arrival at Fort Anaxes, flaring into the chorals of the Inquisitor’s theme.  Grand looks suitably intimidating.

Between episodes he’s apparently received instructions to take them in alive, as opposed to “Rise of the Old Masters” when he was happily ready to just kill them.

‘Course personally I think whether or not an Inquisitor kills you right away versus captures you for Mustafar depends largely on their mood in the moment.

Surprise!

Once again, connected through the Force, Kanan and Ezra move perfectly in sync, mirror-matching each other’s pose, expressions, and movement.

The soundtrack flares with a new melody here, overlayed over the chorals of Grand’s intimidating leitmotif.  Kanan fares a LOT better this round, lighter on his feet, deflecting, redirecting the Inquisitor’s force and momentum, more confident in his Soresu.

Please appreciate how serene Ezra looks here with me.

The Grand Inquisitor still quickly overpowers Kanan, temporarily knocking him out of the fight.

Ezra’s eyes snap open and he rushes over, effortlessly Force Pull-ing Kanan’s saber to him (he’s already come so far from when he started!) and steps in front of the Inquisitor bravely.

*YOINK*

hetried.jpeg

Frick this is such a good shot.

Also not to run off into the weeds here but... given what happens moments later I kind of think this red-blue contrast is deliberate color symbolism.

They put Ezra on the literal ledge of a cliff for his big Dark Side moment after all.

Ungh this moment has such GOOD ANIMATION I can’t do it justice with the screencaps at all.

Just how the Force ring sound effect kind of goes off tune and all the tiny little rocks and pebbles start floating up and absolute icy fury in Ezra’s eyes, the feral way his mouth and shoulders curl, how tightly he clenches his teeth and fists, the way the great big mama fyrnock rises up from behind him...

Kanan’s soft horror. :(

Ezra’s movements almost mirror the fyrnocks, his eyes flare when it roars, he practically vibrates with rage beside it.

Even the Inquisitor is like, “Huh.  Okay.  Ooops.”

Ezra sics the mama on Grand, struggles to hold onto the overwhelming rush of Dark Side energy flowing through him for a moment, and then he loses his grip on it, eyes rolling up and falling over, senseless.  And the loose pebbles drop just as lifelessly to the ground.

Something to point out, Ezra tapping into the Dark Side here was dangerous primarily because his body literally physically could not handle it.

Like, even leaving aside all the other hazards of tapping into the Dark Side, that’s horrifying.

Ezra, wide open to the Force, couldn’t control his fear and anger and lashed out, left himself vulnerable.  The Dark Side rushed in and dumped a lot of raw power through him when he wasn’t ready for it (because it’s fast easy access to a lot of power very quickly, at the cost of yourself), and his body gave out and rejected it.

The junior novelization of this episode confirms that for a moment or two after this, when Kanan goes to check on him, Ezra wasn’t breathing.

No wonder the poor man looks so worried and frightened.

Can’t emphasize this enough, Ezra almost died.  The Dark Side almost killed him the first time he touched it.

Aaaaand that is why the Jedi teach mindfulness and emotional control. XD  If you aren’t in control of your emotions when you tap into the Force, your emotions will control and then consume you.

Subtle animation appreciation moment: Kanan holding his side from where the Inquisitor kicked him as he runs up to Ezra.

Kanan books it for the Phantom with his fortunately-still-breathing padawan as the soundtrack tolls with pounding bass notes of doom, leaving the Inquisitor pissed and foreshadowing the reason why he later drops himself into a ship reactor.

Cue this heartwarming conversation between our boys, in which Kanan once again feel waaaay out of his depth, scrambling just to keep ahead of Ezra as his abilities grow by leaps and bounds, and realizing just how unprepared they both are for this.

Kanan doesn’t even judge Ezra for tapping into the Dark Side or yell at him or scold him or anything, speaking gently and taking the blame on himself instead for not warning Ezra properly.

Ezra’s Troubled Fetal Position this whole conversation hurts.  He looks so small. T_T

Hera sounds really relieved that they’re all right.

And Sabine’s brows noticeably pinch with worry when she spots Ezra.  The smile falls right off her face.

:(

Ezra goes to be alone in the nose gun and Sabine approaches him, commiserating about how it’s been “a rough couple of days” before gifting him with something:

The disc that Ezra dismissed, that she picked up anyway and took a look at, and then painstakingly cleaned up simply because Ezra was having a really bad birthday and she wanted to make it a little better.

The warm lighting is really pretty in this scene.  Soft and comforting.  This moment always feels like a calming balm after the drama of the episode.

I dare any of y’all to find another moment when Sabine’s smile is this tender and sweet.

Her prettiest smiles always seem reserved for him.

And it’s just what he needs to cheer up and feel better, look at him he’s practically glowing.

Ezra’s theme, mellow and warm, closes us out of course.

Gah, this two-parter is some of my favorite material of the season.  Seven episodes in (eight if you count “Spark of Rebellion” as two) and there’s already been so much character development and growth, so much backstory, so many unveiled layers and depths to this crew; they’ve been put through the wringer and come out stronger.

Some of the best animation of Season One is in the climax of “Gathering Forces”, which is a serious No Context Signature Scene candidate.  Every time I look at it there’s something new to notice.

I think this was the last episode I watched for my first initial binge and boy it was not enough to stop here.

(Fortunately the husband had waited until he could buy the whole first season on home video, no months-long hiatus involved. :) )

I dunno if I even have anything else to say, these episodes are amazing, I love them, I love how Kanan and Ezra’s relationship grows, I love the Sabezra moments, I love the animation and the tightly-written story, I love all of it.

It’s great.

The highlights of the season continue tomorrow!

[deadpresidents]

Exactly 100 years ago, President Warren Gamaliel Harding escaped the sweltering summer weather and increasingly dark political climate of Washington, D.C. to embark upon a lengthy cross-country trip through parts of the American West still relatively unaccustomed to frequent visits by the nation’s Chief Executive. Billed as a “Voyage of Understanding”, Harding’s trip was seen as a prelude to his potential campaign for re-election the following year, and an opportunity to put some literal and figurative distance between the President and the rumors of rampant corruption swirling around some of Harding’s friends and closest aides from Ohio, as well as several Cabinet members — rumors eventually proven to be true, resulting in indictments, convictions, prison sentences, and even suicides. As President Harding prepared for his Western tour, he could feel the heat as the scandals plaguing his Administration began to reach a boiling point. Speaking privately to the famous journalist and editor William Allen White, Harding said of the Presidency, “My God, this is a hell of a job! I have no trouble with my enemies…But my damn friends, they’re the ones that keep me walking the floor nights.”

Harding’s planned 15,000-mile Voyage of Understanding began on June 20, 1923. Traveling aboard the private Pullman railroad car Superb, the 57-year-old President left Washington, D.C. accompanied by First Lady Florence Harding, Speaker of the House of Representatives Frederick H. Gillett, new Interior Secretary Hubert Work, and a large retinue of aides, friends and their families, doctors, Secret Service agents, and members of the press. Work had become Secretary of the Interior a few months earlier when the previous Secretary, Albert B. Fall, became the “fall guy” for the Teapot Dome scandal. For his role in the scandal, Fall was later convicted of accepting bribes — the first former Cabinet member in American history to serve time in prison for crimes committed while in office. At later points along the journey, Harding’s party was also joined by Secretary of Agriculture Henry C. Wallace (father of future Vice President Henry A. Wallace) and Secretary of Commerce (and future President) Herbert Hoover.

The last week of June 1923 was spent traveling through the Mountain West — Colorado, Wyoming, Utah, Idaho, Montana, and Yellowstone National Park. The beginning of July saw the Presidential party in the Northwest and celebrating Independence Day in Portland, Oregon before boarding the USS Henderson in Tacoma, Washington on July 5, 1923 to sail to Alaska. One of the expected highlights of the Voyage of Understanding was the northernmost  leg of the trip, as Harding became the first incumbent President of the United States to visit Alaska and Canada. The Territory of Alaska had been purchased for the United States by Secretary of State William Seward in 1867 when Warren G. Harding was two years old, and at the time of Harding’s visit, Alaska was still 35 years from being admitted to the Union as the 49th state. But the President spent nearly the entire month of July traveling through the state, mixing public appearances with private recreation and sightseeing. On July 15, 1923, Harding hammered a golden spike in Nenana, Alaska to officially complete the Alaska Railroad. And ten days later, the President crossed into Canada, fishing on the Campbell River in British Columbia on July 25th and then making an official visit the following day in Vancouver, where he was greeted by one of the largest crowds of his voyage — estimated at over 40,000 people — and where he also squeezed in a round of golf at the exclusive Shaughnessy Golf Club.

The President returned to American soil on July 27th, arriving in Seattle and making several speeches in a busy six-hour period — first to Camp Fire Girls at Volunteer Park, then to nearly 30,000 Boy Scouts at Woodland Park, and finishing the day addressing over 30,000 people at what is now Husky Stadium at the University of Washington where he predicted statehood for Alaska, where he had spent most of the month. After making a brief appearance that evening at the Seattle Press Club, Harding boarded his train that night to travel to Portland, Oregon.

But something was not right. The President seemed to be exhausted, perhaps from the grueling trip through geography much wilder than Harding’s native Ohio or swampy Washington, D.C. Despite his exciting journey through Alaska and the energetic welcome provided by the Canadian people, Harding was clearly wiped out by the time he reached British Columbia. The President did head to the country club while in Vancouver, but he was so tired that after six holes of golf his foursome skipped directly to the eighteenth hole, seemingly completing the round without tipping off the press that Harding couldn’t play the entire course.

From the White House, nine days before embarking upon his Voyage of Understanding, Harding wrote a quick note to Solicitor General James M. Beck who had wished the President a safe journey on his upcoming trip. Thanking Beck, Harding wrote, “I shall try to remember not to overdo (it) in crossing the continent.” And, on June 14, 1923, six days before leaving, President Harding wrote a short letter to a young girl from Hartford, Connecticut named Vivian Little, who had recently sent the President a four-leaf clover as a good luck charm. “Thank you so much for the four-leaf clover which you were so good as to press and send to me,” the President wrote. “I hope it will bring me good luck and that it will bring you still more of the same.”

However, any luck that President Warren G. Harding still had seemed to be running out. Ill and exhausted after leaving Vancouver, Harding tried to rest aboard the USS Henderson as it sailed to Seattle in the early morning hours of July 27. At some point around 3 AM, Harding and the other passengers aboard the Henderson were jolted awake as the ship crashed into the USS Zeilin, an American destroyer accompanying the Presidential party while they traveled through the foggy Puget Sound. This was not the first mishap of the Voyage of Understanding. While traveling through Colorado early in the trip, three people from the President’s party had been killed in a car accident. And now, after a few weeks in Alaska where Harding was able to at least temporarily forget about his Administration’s many troubles, the President was not only sick and tired but two of his Navy’s ships had just smashed into each other almost as soon as he had returned to the continental United States. While the USS Zeilin was badly damaged in the collision, the USS Henderson was not and there were apparently no major injuries on either vessel. But when the President’s valet, Major Arthur Brooks, came to Harding’s stateroom aboard the Henderson to inform him that the captain was calling for all hands on deck, he found the depressed President lying on his bed with his face buried in his hands. “I hope the boat sinks,” President Harding quietly muttered.

It was just hours later that Harding made his whirlwind tour through Seattle, putting on a brave face at his public appearances, but clearly not feeling well. While he was never considered a brilliant orator like Abraham Lincoln, Benjamin Harrison, or his immediate predecessor, Woodrow Wilson, Harding was a strong speaker and excellent communicator who had a unique ability to connect with audiences, but he was obviously — and unusually — halting and confused while speaking in Seattle on July 27th. As he boarded his train at Seattle’s King Street Station that night, Harding was examined by his doctor and by Interior Secretary Hubert Work, who had once been a physician, and they decided to cancel the next several days of planned activities. Instead of stopping in Portland and then visiting Yosemite National Park, the Presidential party was ordered to proceed directly to San Francisco where Harding could rest before giving a speech on the radio planned for July 31st which was expected to be heard by over 5 million people.

Despite the four-leaf clover that had been sent to him by Vivian Little before his Voyage of Understanding, Warren Gamaliel Harding’s luck seemed to be running out. And, as his train sped through Oregon en route to San Francisco’s Palace Hotel on July 28, 1923, President Harding was also running out of time.  

[thecurioustale]

My 6-Week Tumblr Return Trial Period Is Up

Happy Autumn! Today is the Autumnal Equinox. (That is, if you're in the Pacific Daylight Time zone or earlier; it's actually tomorrow, the 23rd. The moment of equinox is 11:49 pm PDT this year.)

I came back to Tumblr six weeks ago (actually a little shy of seven weeks but six is the highest whole number) and said that I was going to give it consistent effort till the Equinox to see how I felt about it. Well, that day is today!

I've decided to significantly reduce my Tumblr presence, but not go back to zero like before. I still plan to post at least once or twice a week, and more whenever the fancy catches me. I don't want to slow-roll you, so there's the bottom line.

For those interested, I thought I would talk about my experience since returning.

Why I Came Back

A few years ago on my birthday I set myself a challenge of posting in my journal every day for a year—which I more or less did, and then promptly stopped because it had been a laborious thing for me with limited rewards.

This year on my birthday I decided to try that challenge again, except this time "soft": no formal public announcement, and no penalty if I missed a day. Good thing, too, because I missed a day right away! 😅 But I definitely was doing more and better writing on my journal than I had been, and I liked that. Maybe there was a sweet spot between the strict artifice of one journal entry every day and the sad default of no entries for weeks.

Then, a few days into the challenge, I got the idea of diverting this energy away from my journal and into social media, to try and begin the long process of building an audience for my creative works. I recognize with some dread that when I eventually do finish my next novel, no one is going to read it—because no one is going to know it exists. But that's not set in stone; this is something platforms can help with! And you can't just build a platform overnight. You have to start well in advance. In this post-mainstream-publishing era where independent artists' only hope is to create their own following, I knew that I would have to at least try, if I wanted people to actually read my work.

Building a platform is something I had done years ago, around the time the Prelude to After The Hero was coming out, and I was hugely successful at that time in creating lots of content and lots of channels—i.e. the platform part. But I didn't actually get anywhere in building an audience. Then my life fell apart from multiple catastrophes in a short period, and for many years I had no ability to pursue "platform growth" at all.

But I have that ability again, at least temporarily, and maybe this time I could do better.

Marketing and being social are very hard for me. They don't come naturally to me and I am not good at them. But what I can do is write about my creative work, my life, my take on the world, and anything else that comes to mind. With any luck, that would attract some eyeballs. It's the same thing I was doing eight years ago in my platform-building work, but I could be smarter about it this time, and learn from my past mistakes, which involved a lot of wasted effort that no one ever saw. This time I could try going specifically where the people are: social media! Social media was a part of my original platform-building push eight years ago, but only on the periphery. This time I could put all my platform-building into it, and not all the different channels at once, but just in one single place. Concentrate all my effort on a single point!

So I chose Tumblr: the only social media platform that still seems to reward long-form, thoughtful content. (Not counting YouTube video content.) Facebook is definitely on the way out as a relevant social media network, Twitter was unusually toxic even before the idiot took over, and TikTok to put it politely is not my jam. But Tumblr...I still use Tumblr! I still read several people's pages, and have done so for many years.

I was never actually active on Tumblr as a creator myself. As far as posting my own content goes, my social media home has always been on Facebook (and, for a while, Google+). My "return" to Tumblr this summer wasn't really anything of the sort. Even though my account is many years old, this summer was my first time making a big effort here.

And here's what I learned.

What Worked and What Didn't

I went in with very low expectations. In other words, I didn't actually expect anyone to see my work. I expected to put in my six weeks, toil away in obscurity the whole time, and leave.

But a couple people did notice my return, and reblogged my early posts, and between them they had enough followers that their reblogs got me a small influx of followers. (Hi!) So there were eyeballs, at least. I wasn't talking to the wall. It was a good bet that anything I wrote would at least have a chance of being seen by multiple other people.

A good start!

I set about trying to learn about the Tumblr algorithm and people's usage patterns. I learned that there is a very strong signal to set apart the content that people enjoy seeing and the content they don't. On the scale of Zero to Fire, a lot of what I wrote was either hard Zero or pretty decently Fire.

In the Zero category: My short-form humor was dead on arrival. So was my Tolkienian vocabulary series. My fat liberation essay—by far the biggest effortpost I made during my six weeks here—attracted a single troll and no legitimate engagement whatsoever. At 7700 words I doubt many people even read it. Cool art reblogs were also pretty much a Zero. The people in my tiny audience don't want to see any of this stuff, at least not from me.

In the Fire category: People liked my hot takes on copyright law, left-handedness, rationalist-adjacent topics and framings, some personal anecdotes (but not others), and—most promisingly—some of my discussion about the mechanics of authoring and writing, including topics such as redemption arcs, body diversity representation, losing interest in one's own stories, and long sentences. To the extent I am going to attempt to build a larger Tumblr following over time, this "mechanics of authoring" area is probably where I will focus my primary aim.

Not everything was Zero or Fire. There were also some posts in the middle. My posts actually discussing my own work, The Curious Tale and Galaxy Federal, landed in this space. They mostly fell flat for my general audience, but did noticeably better than the hard Zero stuff due to the consistent engagement of a tiny handful of fans. (Thank you, especially you Fip!)

In terms of financial support, six weeks of content creation on Tumblr yielded no book sales and no new patrons on my Patreon fund, though I did get one pledge increase from an existing patron! This isn't a big surprise, since I didn't make any push to attract new patrons and have made no attempt to hide that my book is also available for free. Still, zero is a noticeable number.

What Tumblr Feels Like

I'll be honest with you: I don't really "do" social media. I never have. I don't like social media. I am a creature of individual websites, web journals / blogs, and message forums. Facebook is the social network I use most (if you don't count YouTube), and my Facebook is set up more like a walled garden than a social network node—i.e., it is almost completely restricted to the people on my deliberately-short friends' list. I use it to look at cool pictures of clouds and landscapes, learn about things going on in my city, and keep in touch with friends. I've never really been one to use social media the way it is intended these days.

Nevertheless: Of all the social networks, I've always had a comparatively positive view of Tumblr. Tumblr is where freaks and weirdos come to be freaky and weird, and I love it. (Sometimes in principle more than practice, but still.) There used to be a tumblr called "Fuck Yeah Fat Upper Arms," and that was what I would point to whenever I had to explain to someone why I love Tumblr.

I also know there are notorious amounts of drama and pettiness on Tumblr, but in my experience it isn't so hard to just sidestep it most of the time. Also, I don't follow all that many people, so I probably just don't see much of this stuff in the first place.

When I returned to Tumblr I am pleased to say that it was basically what I hoped for: lots of wonderful niche and countercultural stuff; really thoughtful discussions that get a lot more depth here than almost anyplace else I've seen; and amazing art and fanart. There were lots of takes I didn't like, of course. Lots of stuff that rubbed me wrong. And the drama is definitely alive and well. But that's just life, right? As amplified by social media in all its unnuanced might. On the whole, I have enjoyed my time spent browsing Tumblr these past six weeks.

One thing actually did bring down my spirits about this place, though, and it has nothing to do with drama or takes I don't like: Tumblr feels kind of addictive. Like a giant industrial vat full of churning slurry, and if you fall in there's no getting out. I have an addictive personality, not to booze or drugs (as far as I know) but to content sources, specifically "content-firehose" websites that always have new things to read. I was stuck on GameFAQs for years back in the day, long after it had become a net-negative for me. Right now my big content addiction is Reddit, and it's definitely a net negative in my life for all the time it wastes for so little in return. And there have been many other content addictions in the years between. It's very hard for me to leave a content-firehose website once I've gotten sucked into it. And I really, really don't want to get sucked into Tumblr.

Like, this place is genuinely cool, but it doesn't "do it" for me like it did the last time I paid close attention to it. Fuck Yeah Fat Upper Arms is gone, and with it the innocence of my youth. Social media just isn't my scene, and returning to Tumblr has definitely given me the impression that I've "outgrown" it altogether. (I wrote a few days ago about one of the reasons why I think this.) I don't particularly want to spend a lot of time here. I don't have that content addiction to Tumblr yet, and I can feel myself actively straining to avoid developing it every time I'm on here. That's why I've only been reading my dashboard a few times a week.

I'm not saying social media is something juvenile that everyone is supposed to outgrow; I'm just talking about my own preferences and issues. My ideal use case for Tumble is to check in with Tumblr periodically and see new Samus Aran fanart and hot takes on cool things I've never heard about or thought deeply enough about. But, in practice, reading my Tumblr dashboard feels like dipping my feet in that vat of slurry I mentioned: It's very time-consuming and a lot of the stuff I see I don't really "need" in my life.

This six-week experiment has actually helped me to realize that, going forward, I should be looking to use social media less in my life, not more. It isn't just all-consuming and energy-draining; it has become kind of evil over the years. Tumblr isn't nearly as bad as some of the worst offenders, but on the whole we're slowly being pushed to use these services in very particular ways, ways which degrade us, and it's nefarious. Not just the abuse of our personal information and privacy, but the way we spend our time and think about the world. Social media seems to be making society actively worse on the whole, and that's down to the profit motives of the people who make the rules about how these services operate. It's probably not a coincidence that Tumblr, as one of the least-problematic major social networks, is also not particularly profitable.

I have lamented for years that I wish we would go back to individual people's websites and enthusiast–owned-and-operated message forums. I really think that this viewpoint is not just my nostalgia glasses talking; I think the individual websites paradigm was a better way of experiencing the Internet and interacting with each other. But while I can't do much to change society's patterns in general, I can at least be deliberate about how I engage with social media myself. And I think I'm going to be doing less of that as time goes on.

My actual public face is my Live Journal, even though it has languished for years. Either it or some successor blog is likely to be an ongoing constant for the rest of my life. I hope people will gradually find me there.

The Long Game

You're not gonna build an audience in six weeks. I know that. Also, in my time here, I've only done one of the two things that one needs to do to build an audience on social media: I've created content. I think my content has been more or less decent. (You can tell me if you think otherwise.)

What I haven't done is heavily engage with other content creators. I haven't done many reblogs; I've done zero asks; and I don't follow other tumblrs in a businesslike mindset of network—I only follow the ones I think I might like to read.

If I were to continue, the next step in my trial period would be a 3-month experiment. I've had enough success here in the past six weeks to justify dedicating another three months of my life to daily Tumblr posts if I want.

In that time I would need to focus more on the "networking" side of social networking. On the content side, I would continue trying to figure out what people like to see and what they don't. But it's the networking stuff that would be next in line for my full attention.

I'm also aware that all of my data are biased by the small size of my audience and the nonrandom composition of it. There is a danger in optimizing for that, from a long-term scalability and optimization standpoint. My social networking efforts would have to be geared toward diversifying my audience as much as growing it, because the truth of the matter is that I don't know yet who "my" audience truly is. Most of the people here now are people who are here because they like other creators and respected those people's recommendations—not because they necessarily like my art. The poor showing of my posts discussing my art kind of speak to that point.

So the question is, do I have a 3-month trial period in me? Or even just another 6-week period?

And that's a really tough question. I need to be writing my books, and I need to be paying my rent, and when I'm here on Tumblr I'm not doing either of those things. The best-case scenario is that by being here I'm setting myself up to pay future rents and have more available time for future creative writing. But in the meantime there are rents coming due in the immediate future, and my mental bandwidth is sickly and limited.

Is Tumblr even the place to build my audience? It might not be! It might be YouTube. It probably is YouTube. But Tumblr isn't nothing, and writing short essays is a hell of a lot faster than producing videos. A few loyal Tumblr followers might be just the pop I would need to get a future YouTube effort off to a running start.

One of my flaws as an entrepreneur is that I hate thinking like one when it comes to this whole sales / engagement / audience-building / marketing stuff. I like thinking about people as people, not as economic partners whose tastes and needs I must carefully accommodate to in order to hopefully earn a living from this someday. And I don't like thinking about my own content here as "content." I hate that word. But I am under no illusions about why I am here. I am not here for fun. I've done my Live Journal "for fun" for twenty years (as of last month!) and I have no audience to show for it. Growing an audience is not about having fun. Bonus points if you can manage to have fun along the way, but what it's really about is giving people an experience that they enjoy and want more of.

Social media is a hungry beast, a dehumanizing force (in my view), and an algorithmic rat race. I would much rather create content on my own terms, rather than try to play the social media game. This is one of the many reasons why I am so bad at the whole marketing side of building a business. Successful entrepreneurs dive right into it and give the people what they want. Like that "emotional damage" mate on YouTube: He gave an interview talking about how he just tried different schticks, not even comedy per se, until he found something that worked on people.

In an ideal world, when my next book is finished I could just press a button and everyone in the world know about its existence, and everyone who is interested could buy it and read it. But in the real world, you have to peck and scrape your way to attention, and I'm just so bad at this that it discourages me from even making the attempt.

So, adding it all up, what I come up with is that it would be wasteful for me to just abruptly give up on Tumblr as suddenly as I returned to it. I've started a ball rolling here, and I can build on that beginning if I want. But I also don't think that people need to hear from me on a daily basis. I'm probably not doing myself any favors by posting effortful content every day, not just in terms of my own sustainability but in terms of the algorithms of Tumblr and the mental bandwidth of my readers.

So I've come to the conclusion that Tumblr is probably not where my audience is going to be built, if indeed I ever manage to build one. But there is some potential here, and, more importantly, this is where the vast majority of my current fans are.

Ergo, going forward I will be reducing my posting frequency to a target of once or twice per week, plus whatever extras I see fit to add. I will continue to test out different types of content to see what catches interest. And I will start playing that social networking game that I dread so much, and try to engage more with others and hawk myself far and wide without looking like I'm trying to hawk myself, because for all that we claim to live in an age of sincerity we absolutely don't, and we will see where things go.

I will revisit this at Halloween, and see how I feel about it.

In the meantime, I will try to take some of this bandwidth I am freeing up and allocate it to other audience-building work. More on that as I have it for you!

If you made it this far, thanks for reading and for giving me some of your time. Please please please do give me some feedback if there's anything you want to know or want to see me discuss.