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astradrifting · 3 years ago

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AGOT - Jon I (Chapter 5)

There were times—not many, but a few—when Jon Snow was glad he was a bastard. As he filled his wine cup once more from a passing flagon, it struck him that this might be one of them.

I don’t know why D&D decided Jon could never lie, when literally the first line in his POV is a lie. He’s so good at it he can even lie to himself!

****

A singer was playing the high harp and reciting a ballad, but down at this end of the hall his voice could scarcely be heard above the roar of the fire, the clangor of pewter plates and cups, and the low mutter of a hundred drunken conversations.

A singer with a high harp and a ballad seems like a vague Rhaegar allusion. That Jon can’t actually hear him makes me happy in a very petty way.

****

His lord father had come first, escorting the queen. She was as beautiful as men said. A jeweled tiara gleamed amidst her long golden hair, its emeralds a perfect match for the green of her eyes. His father helped her up the steps to the dais and led her to her seat, but the queen never so much as looked at him. Even at fourteen, Jon could see through her smile.

I think this part is actually Jon being indignant on Ned’s behalf that Cersei was rude to him, by not looking at him when he escorts her, not that she never looked at Jon. Also, there’s those observation skills. He’s never been taken in by a pretty smile.

****

After them came the children. Little Rickon first, managing the long walk with all the dignity a three-year-old could muster. Jon had to urge him on when he stopped to visit.

Adorable!!!

****

Jon noticed the shy looks she gave Robb as they passed between the tables and the timid way she smiled at him. He decided she was insipid. Robb didn’t even have the sense to realize how stupid she was; he was grinning like a fool.

Jon’s a mean drunk I guess 💀

****

Sansa, two years older, drew the crown prince, Joffrey Baratheon. He was twelve, younger than Jon or Robb, but taller than either, to Jon’s vast dismay. Prince Joffrey had his sister’s hair and his mother’s deep green eyes. A thick tangle of blond curls dripped down past his golden choker and high velvet collar. Sansa looked radiant as she walked beside him, but Jon did not like Joffrey’s pouty lips or the bored, disdainful way he looked at Winterfell’s Great Hall.

Joffrey according to Jon: 👁👄👁

But Sansa looked radiant 🥰

****

He was more interested in the pair that came behind him: the queen’s brothers, the Lannisters of Casterly Rock. The Lion and the Imp; there was no mistaking which was which. Ser Jaime Lannister was twin to Queen Cersei; tall and golden, with flashing green eyes and a smile that cut like a knife. He wore crimson silk, high black boots, a black satin cloak. On the breast of his tunic, the lion of his House was embroidered in gold thread, roaring its defiance. They called him the Lion of Lannister to his face and whispered “Kingslayer” behind his back. Jon found it hard to look away from him.

This is what a king should look like, he thought to himself as the man passed.

Giving me big ‘muscled like a maiden’s fantasy’ vibes there, Jon.

Also, curiously enough Jaime’s introduced wearing black and red, Targaryen colours. Maybe a nod to the incest storyline, possibly leftover foreshadowing from when Jaime was going to become king, as per the outline.

Otherwise this means that, like everybody else in this story, Jaime is a secret Targaryen. He and Cersei can join the ranks of Jon, Tyrion, Varys, Mance Rayder and while we’re at it… *spins a wheel of names* Meera too.

****

His brothers and sisters had not been permitted to bring their wolves to the banquet, but there were more curs than Jon could count at this end of the hall, and no one had said a word about his pup. He told himself he was fortunate in that too.

His eyes stung. Jon rubbed at them savagely, cursing the smoke.

Jon spends half this chapter on the verge of tears, my angsty little lad.

****

Jon looked up happily as his uncle Ben put a hand on his head and ruffled his hair much as Jon had ruffled the wolf’s.

They actually call him Ben and ‘uncle Ben’ a few times in the series, which I honestly think might be a Spider-Man allusion. Surrogate father figure Uncle Ben’s early disappearance/death kicking off the plot… There’s also a saying that nobody stays dead in comics except for Uncle Ben - considering all the other resurrections in the books, metaphorical and literal, yet GRRM says that Benjen isn’t Coldhands, it might be the same for this Uncle Ben too.

****

Jon swelled with pride. “Robb is a stronger lance than I am, but I’m the better sword, and Hullen says I sit a horse as well as anyone in the castle.”

"[Garlan] is a great knight," Ser Loras replied. "A better sword than me, in truth, though I'm the better lance." (ASOS, Sansa I)

Love a Jon-Garlan parallel! Also thinking about Garlan being the older brother made me realise - in the story everyone thinks that Jon is younger than Robb, but timeline-wise, he has to be older, because Robb was conceived in the two weeks before Ned left to fight at the Trident, and Rhaegar must have at least already been in the capital by then to rally the loyalists, so Jon was conceived weeks, if not months earlier. Which means that Ned has definitely lied about when Jon’s birthday is.

Jon being the product of a ‘youthful indiscretion’ before he was married is less of a stain on Ned’s honour than him betraying his marriage bed but I imagine Catelyn’s fears about Jon usurping her children might have had more basis if he was known to be the eldest, so maybe that’s why Ned lied about how old he is.

****

“Daeron Targaryen was only fourteen when he conquered Dorne,” Jon said. The Young Dragon was one of his heroes.

"A conquest that lasted a summer," his uncle pointed out. "Your Boy King lost ten thousand men taking the place, and another fifty trying to hold it. Someone should have told him that war isn't a game." He took another sip of wine. "Also," he said, wiping his mouth, "Daeron Targaryen was only eighteen when he died. Or have you forgotten that part?"

Jon is unfortunately, a jock. And a bit of an idiot.

There’s something about Jon’s hero dying at 18, Waymar dying at 18 just a few chapters ago... Jon has them all beat by dying at 17.

****

"You are a boy of fourteen," Benjen said. "Not a man, not yet. Until you have known a woman, you cannot understand what you would be giving up."

"I don't care about that!" Jon said hotly.

"You might, if you knew what it meant," Benjen said. "If you knew what the oath would cost you, you might be less eager to pay the price, son."

Jon felt anger rise inside him. "I'm not your son!"

Benjen Stark stood up. “More’s the pity.”

Establishing Benjen as a somewhat contentious father figure to Jon - even more fuel for my brand new Uncle Ben ‘theory’.

****

The wolf pup padded closer and nuzzled at Jon's face, but he kept a wary eye on Tyrion Lannister, and when the dwarf reached out to pet him, he drew back and bared his fangs in a silent snarl.

"Shy, isn't he?" Lannister observed.

"Sit, Ghost," Jon commanded. "That's it. Keep still." He looked up at the dwarf. "You can touch him now. He won't move until I tell him to. I've been training him."

Possibly he and Sansa are the only ones who properly trained their direwolves, considering how the rest of them will end up behaving.

****

“If I wasn’t here, he’d tear out your throat,” Jon said. It wasn’t actually true yet, but it would be.

Pffffft! Edgy edgy edge-lord 💀

Though I also always feel like issuing casual threats to Tyrion Lannister so I can’t really blame him.

****

Standing, he was taller than the dwarf. It made him feel strange.

He’s got a weird preoccupation with comparing his height to Lannister men in this chapter. My headcanon for the books is that Jon’s quite tall by ADWD but evidently he’s tiny in AGOT if he feels strange being tall next to a dwarf.

****

final thoughts:

Believe it or not, I didn’t actually have Jonsa in mind with my new Uncle Ben theory, but I did just remember that brown haired Peter Parker’s main love interest is red-haired MJ :P

#astra re-reads #agot re-read #jon chapters

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lowestechelonabomination · 3 years ago

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for "What are we, if not clouds?":

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

thanks for the ask! haven't looked at that one in a while, so hm

for 3, I found I liked writing Ranpo's pov, though my ideas of his characterization (as well as the characterizations of literally every character) have changed a lot since I started the fic. in particular, I like this scene from my unfinished and unedited chapter 5, which I wrote shortly after having the epiphany that maybe Ranpo kept his eyes closed because of sensory issues (which I have an entire separate fic planned for). chapter 5 is when I actually took the writing seriously, so there's a massive gap in quality between the first four chapters and this one. anyway enough rambling:

He drummed his fingers against the arm of the chair he was leaned back in. He could faintly hear the seconds ticking away in the corner of the room. Time was a strange concept, he thought. It was slow, and yet slipped by so quickly, and there was never quite enough of it.

Red-orange imprints of light flashed across his eyelids. Each tick of the clock felt like a gunshot.

"So," Ranpo said monotonously, face turned up to the ceiling.

He was answered with near-silence. He could hear them breathing, of course. But existence wasn't a response, was it?

He sighed and opened his eyes, taking in the room around him. "We don't have enough chairs, do we?"

Beside him, Yosano shrugged with one shoulder, light reflecting off her blouse in a way that stabbed at his eyes. He closed them.

"They'll be here in a few minutes," he said, and returned to reclining, draping an arm across his face.

Most of the time he was fine, really. He could go around and do things and not have to worry about how much of everything there was. And then there were times like this one, where everything became too much to even keep up the guise of the funny detective. Lights were too bright, colors too vivid, sounds too loud. One wrong move and he'd be stuck with a migraine for the next few hours, at least. Sensory hell, he called it. His very own hellscape, designed just for him! The universe knew him well, knew just what he liked and just what he didn't. There was a cruel sense of balance in that.

Amid the quiet cacophony, he could just barely pick apart the sound of shuffling feet. "We need more chairs."

for 4, I have two:

out of my posted chapters, I find this conversation pretty funny to this day, though there is a brief allusion to Mori being Mori:

Two men faced off in an empty mansion somewhere in the outskirts of Yokohama.

"You absolute fool," said the first, holding a katana gently like one would hold the hand of a child.

"You massive idiot," said the second, holding a child like a sword.

There was a long pause as the first man went through all 5 stages of grief in the span of a second, a confusing flurry of emotions flickering across his face before he spoke up. "...I am quite sure that is not how children are supposed to be treated."

The second man shrugged, slinging the child over his shoulder like a bat. "Wouldn't be the worst I've done to them," he admitted nonchalantly.

He was promptly stabbed.

and then, from my unfinished chapter 5, I think this one's my favorite. warning for some Kenji-typical mentions of slightly disordered eating, because of his ability and stuff:

The door quietly opened and closed. He recognized that faint, ghostlike presence and whirled around. "Kyouka-chan!"

Her hands were holding two crêpes, one in each hand. A growl started up in his stomach again. One of the crêpes had honey and lemon inside it, with a bit of powdered sugar on top of it all. To say his mouth wasn't watering would be a lie, and he hated lying.

Kyouka briskly approached him, knife glinting at her waist. "Eat," she said, and handed him the honey and lemon one. His favorite.

"I can't," he said, waving his hands in front of him. "I need to be strong for this. It's my job."

Kyouka shook her head. "No. You need to eat," she implored him. She had the blank face she usually had when thinking and the Port Mafia, and his stomach sunk as he realized how serious she was. Not that she wasn't usually serious, but now he knew that he wouldn't be getting out of it.

"But..." he began, "the job..."

"Kenji. I haven't seen you eat even once in the past few days. I know how unpleasant that is." His stomach sunk further. He couldn't just abandon the job, it would be dishonest and disloyal. "Kenji," she repeated, and stretched the crêpe out to him. "You need to eat." She paused and looked at a point near his eyes. After a long moment, she continued. "And sleep."

"I'm fine, though."

Her face took on a colder aspect. "I think you'd find you'd rather eat this crêpe than find out the other methods I know of putting people to sleep." That was her attempt at a joke, he could tell, but he could also tell how painful it was for her to make it.

Kenji sighed and took the crêpe from her. Kyouka-chan was more than capable of covering for his absence. He'd have to apologize profusely to Kunikida-san later.

"You need to sleep too," he found himself saying as he took a seat.

"I'll be fine." She took a bite of her crêpe, and he did the same. She seemed to contemplate something. "You won't be, though. You might be strong, but you're still human." Something dark and bleak shone in her eyes as she said that, something wholly unfamiliar to the boy he was before coming to Yokohama but now something he'd been seeing more and more often.

He turned her words over in his mind, barely noticing how his leg started bouncing again as he savored the sour-sweet taste of the crêpe.

Kenji supposed he had just learned a new lesson.

Kenji and Kyouka are neurodivergent best friends I think

#edit: TUMBLR STOP MESSING UP MY KEEP READING THING #i dont know why but lately tumblr has been shifting the cut to where its not supposed to be and its driving me up the walls #ask #ask game #echelon in writing hell #cloud update #i havent looked through this fic in ages #i should try pushing forward with chapter 5 soon #or rewrite the first four chapters like ive been planning for over a year now #man time flies huh #anyway these excerpts seem a lot longer than i thought they were. huh

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highladyluck · 4 years ago

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Fortuona Athaem Devi Paendrag playlist

Direct link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5KLghlM9nCF1WLKBNoLt5z?si=b1e1d244810e4ae9

26 songs, 1 hr 23 min. A character playlist for Tuon Athaem Kore Paendrag, aka the High Lady, aka the Daughter of the Nine Moons, aka “Precious” but only if you’re Mat Cauthon, aka Fortuona Athaem Devi Paendrag, aka the Empress of Seanchan.

She’s a fascinating mixture of good and evil, person and tool, sympathetic and unsympathetic by turns. I tried to capture that in this playlist, which is organized roughly chronologically by her personal timeline.

There are spoilers in the playlist and commentary for Winter's Heart through A Memory of Light, since this is meant to mirror the narrative.

Track List:

1. Second Child, Restless Child – The Oh Hellos

2. Game of Survival – Ruelle

3. Sit Still, Look Pretty – Daya

4. When I Rule The World – LIZ

5. Bad Moon Rising – Creedence Clearwater Revival

6. The Thief and the Moon – Shawn James

7. Pomegranate Seeds – Julian Moon

8. Zebra – The Magnetic Fields

9. Jolene – Dolly Parton

10. Maybe, This Time – OK Go

11. Big Guns – Ruelle

12. Fascinated – Ivy

13. The Bullpen – Dessa

14. Pretty Little Head – Eliza Rickman

15. Greek God – Conan Gray

16. Emperor’s New Clothes – Panic! At The Disco

17. Rat Queen – The Mountain Goats

18. Carmina Burana: O Fortuna – Carl Orff

19. you should see me in a crown – Billie Eilish

20. Muse with a Dagger – Taylor Castro

21. Please Don’t Say You Love Me – Gabrielle Aplin

22. Daisy – Ashnikko

23. Mother’s Daughter – Miley Cyrus

24. I Walk The Line – Halsey

25. Glory and Gore – Lorde

26. Trouble – Stripped – Halsey

Commentary and lyrics underneath the cut. Listen to it here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5KLghlM9nCF1WLKBNoLt5z?si=b1e1d244810e4ae9

1) Second Child, Restless Child – The Oh Hellos

See, I was born the second child With a spirit running wild, running free

The Empress’s second child, the only one who goes across the ocean.

2) Game of Survival – Ruelle

Are we the hunters? Or are we the prey?

"Keep this doll to remind you that I will always hear you if you say my name. If I am still alive, of course."

3) Sit Still, Look Pretty – Daya

Oh, I don't know what you've been told But this girl right here's gonna rule the world Yeah, that's where I'm gonna be because I wanna be No, I don't wanna sit still, look pretty

Tuon wishes she looked more intimidating, and threw a full-blown temper tantrum when she was told who she’d have to marry.

4) When I Rule The World – LIZ

When I rule the world, then I'm gonna make you sweat Dog collar 'round your neck, on your knees and scrub the deck

I promise I didn't forget about the sul'dam thing. This should be as jarring as her initial POV in Winter's Heart is.

5) Bad Moon Rising – Creedence Clearwater Revival

I see the bad moon a-rising I see trouble on the way I see earthquakes and lightnin' I see bad times today

Such a good “Seanchan invade Ebou Dar” song! I definitely stole this from someone else’s Mat playlist, but I don’t think it’s on 8tracks anymore.

6) The Thief and the Moon – Shawn James

Said the Thief to the Moon "I'll extinguish your light soon I'll put an end to all the light that you shed On this world in its darkened state"

I can imagine this as a Seanchan myth; covers Tuon's opinion on her prophecy & getting kidnapped.

7) Pomegranate Seeds – Julian Moon

Kore, Kore, fauna and flora How did you get your throne? (Hey!) You made a deal You traded daffodils For a kingdom of ash and bone

Had to sneak in a reference to Tuon's middle name. Tuon's POV on her bargain with Mat.

8) Zebra – The Magnetic Fields

so there's one thing I crave when my days become ho-hum and blah I want a zebra

Took this from my Mat/Tuon book playlist because it is truly the funniest song on there. It's a zebra in our hearts!

9) Jolene – Dolly Parton

Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene I'm begging of you please don't take my man

This is very tongue-in-cheek, but at the same time, if you pay attention you can see that Tuon's particularly annoyed by/threatened by Joline Maza.

10) Maybe, This Time – OK Go

So listen, I'm not trying to prove anything at all here But don't you think that maybe, this time, you were wrong?

Mat to Tuon after confiscating the a'dam from her.

11) Big Guns – Ruelle

Every little move is fixed Like a game of chess The blood on your hands is thick And you're placing bets Can't hide in the den of lions

A really perfect song for Tuon's 'lion on the high plains' realization; I know technically Mat doesn't have cannon or grenades yet, but shhhh, the rapid-fire crossbows are more or less machine guns. Let me have this. Call it foreshadowing if you must.

12) Fascinated – Ivy

Never turned out like we talked about Never could tell how to read your mind Never found out what you're all about In this lifetime, baby, you will be mine

Tuon's POV on the marriage ceremony.

13) The Bullpen – Dessa

Forget the bull in the china shop There's a china doll in the bullpen

Returning to Ebou Dar to kick ass and take heads. This was the song that made me create this playlist, because of "china doll in the bullpen," which is such a great description of Tuon.

14) Pretty Little Head – Eliza Rickman

Catch yourself a looker, let him go, go, go Wanna have your baby, but I'm so, so slow

Tuon misses Mat, but don’t you dare breathe a word about it. Besides, it’s just business.

15) Greek God – Conan Gray

And since you always swear that you wanted me gone Then why don't you go get your gun? 'Cause you don't really hate me (You're a little baby) You don't wanna end me (You wanna befriend me)

The Tuon vs Rand confrontation (take two, where Tuon's actually there.) Rand has quite enough confidence, really, but most of the song really works.

16) Emperor’s New Clothes – Panic! At The Disco

Welcome to the end of eras Ice has melted back to life Done my time and served my sentence Dress me up and watch me die

Declaring herself Empress after meeting with Rand.

17) Rat Queen – The Mountain Goats

We who have never once tasted The stench of defeat Victory sweet as the dregs of the fast food dumpster Look how they jump when we show up Like they've just seen a monster

H/T to @anyboli, who first suggested this to me as a Tuon song. This is a good soundtrack to planning the raid on the White Tower…

18) Carmina Burana: O Fortuna – Carl Orff

O Fortune, like the moon you are changeable[…]

I literally cannot imagine a Tuon playlist without this song. It’s White Tower raid time!

19) you should see me in a crown – Billie Eilish

Count my cards, watch them fall Blood on a marble wall I like the way they all Scream

Yeah, this was inevitable too. I’m using it for that absolutely horrifying POV of hers where she's in the damane training room and decides it's time to plan a full-out attack on the White Tower.

20) Muse with a Dagger – Taylor Castro

You're making fun of my people Pretend I don't hear you Cause I won't forgive myself For fueling or burning you

Tuon's thoughts on Mat in the garden. This didn't lean as as far into the dagger/knife imagery as I'd hoped for- remember, this is the blog that insists Athaem means Magic Dagger Curse- but it seemed so strangely apt for the two of them that I had to include it.

21) Please Don’t Say You Love Me – Gabrielle Aplin

There's no need to worry when You see just where we're at Just please don't say you love me Cause I might not say it back

Her conversation with Mat in the garden.

22) Daisy – Ashnikko

Respect a bitch, I'm a maverick Flexible, so elastic But don't you dare bend a bitch backwards

This is what you married, Mat. (The Mat POV version of this character sketch is probably Cake's Short Skirt Long Jacket.) I will not apologize for the number of #girlboss songs on this playlist.

23) Mother’s Daughter – Miley Cyrus

Oh my gosh, she got the power Oh, look at her, she got the power So, so, so Don't fuck with my freedom I came up to get me some

The confrontation with Egwene. I see this as mostly Egwene's POV, with Tuon doing a sort of echo, the way she does in the original scene. They are fascinatingly alike here, and the way Egwene controls the scene and gets in Tuon's head- when that's Tuon's signature strategy- is amazing.

24) I Walk The Line – Halsey

You've got a way to keep me on your side You give me cause for love that I can't hide For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide

Tuon admitting that her heart tells her to return to save Mat (and the armies of the Light).

25) Glory and Gore – Lorde

Glory and gore go hand in hand That's why we're makin' headlines (Oh! Oh!) You could try and take us (Oh! Oh!) But victory's contagious

The Seanchan army comes back for the kill.

26) Trouble – Stripped – Halsey

Don't forget me, don't forget me I wouldn't leave you if you'd let me Hmm, when you met me when you met me You told me you were gonna get me

Death threats are just their deranged way of flirting; if Tuon wanted Mat dead she wouldn't warn him, you know? And in that final scene with the fireworks Tuon's telling Mat that she wants him around, and he understands it as such.

#this is my celebration for hitting 200 followers!#SURPRISE IT'S MORE TUON CONTENT #this is what you get for following a blog with a tuon pun in the username #wheel of time #wheel of time playlist #playlist #tuon paendrag #fortuona paendrag #fortuona athaem devi paendrag #tuon athaem kore paendrag #problematic fave tuon #wheel of time spoilers #the gathering storm spoilers

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hogwartsfirebolt · 5 years ago

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Hi again! This is part two (out of three!) of my 2019 drarry fic recs. In the first part I recommended ten of my absolute favorite stories I read this year, and here I am today with ten more that I also love dearly and hope you’ll enjoy too. The banner art is by one of my FAVORITE ARTISTS, @aceveria-art who was kind enough to let me use their art for this and just LOOK AT THAT STUNNING PIECE (here’s the link for you to reblog if you want cause omg). Now, in no particular order, here’s some of my

FAVORITE FICS I READ IN 2019 PART TWO

1. Of Wands and Trees - Omi_Ohmy - 45k - All Draco wants to do is be a wandmaker, but to do so he needs to understand the soul of trees. Of course, the only man who might be able to help him is the one man who is more of a mystery to him than any tree.

We’re starting out this list with this absolute gemstone of a fic. It’s got everything: adventure, redemption, cabins in the middle of nowhere, a spin on the kind of magic we’re used to in this fandom, ancient trees, passion, wandlore, Draco being forced to work for his own food, Harry bathing naked in streams (my mouth’s watering as we speak), and it’s so, so good, the writing, the characterizations, the setting so vibrant I felt like I was standing right there. Just, a gem all around.

2. Take Into the Air (My Quiet Breath) - guardianmira - 11k - Draco is dying of Hanahaki Disease. Serves him right, Harry thinks.

This fic felt, to me, like something completely different from the eighth year fics I usually read, and, having found it by accident, it absolutely blew my mind! I did not expect to love it as much as I did, and I definitely did not expect to feel it as deeply as I did. Just the right amount of angst to give us that sweet, sweet relief at the end. Very lovely.

3. We have a Problem - @xx-thedarklord-xx - 3k - Weddings tend to have a variety of things happening at one time. With a groom as meticulous as Draco, Ron expected nothing to go wrong. When shenanigans, walkouts, disasters, no-shows, and a lack of food strike, it’s up to Ron to save the day.

SO SWEET. Just so, so freaking sweet and funny and different. Ron’s POV was fresh and lovely and so clever, and the plot is hilarious and engaging. It reads so quickly that you will barely feel time passing, and I am 10000% sure that everyone’s bound to adore this. It’s just one of those fics. I cannot recommend it enough. It will be the absolute best 15-20 minutes of your day.

4. Foreplay - @lqtraintracks - 6k - Getting a raging hard-on on the duelling room floor, pinned under Harry Potter’s sweaty body, is not how Draco saw his day going, but… Well, here he is.

Mmfffff. Can barely think about this without having to fan myself, because it’s probably the hottest fic I read all year. Aurors sparring, a Harry who is unbelievably hot, a Draco who tries but simply can’t resist him, showers, a bit of semi-public sex, and the very literal definition of “not safe for work” can be found in here. Just, goodness, it should’ve taken me half an hour to read it and it took about one because I KEPT STOPPING TO BREATHE. Lqt never fails to deliver powerful, incredibly sexy stories and you should all go see for yourselves what I’m talking about.

5. Safe Words - felix_atticus - 26k - Draco discovers his husband has been keeping a secret from him. At first he’s amused. Then he’s curious. The problem? Harry’s always had a hard time saying no.

Speaking of powerful, this one here stabbed me right in the chest and twisted the knife, but in the absolute best way possible. It’s FANTASTIC. The writing is beautiful, the characterizations astounding, and I felt every single emotion so deep inside me. It paints how difficult it is to navigate trust, how impossible it feels to put our own wants and needs over what’s expected of us, explores consent in so many different aspects of life and just presents a beautiful relationship at its core. It really is gorgeous.

6. Upstaged - @lettersbyelise - 3k - West End actor Drake O'Malley starts receiving fanmail from a (not so mysterious) stranger.

The epistolary format already makes this stand apart from our usual fic, but the plot itself is also something I hadn’t ever read before. It’s written so smoothly that it reads like a dream, and I loved every second of it and how it allowed me to build up an entire picture of what was happening with each letter. I’ve gone back to it two or three times just to experience it all over again, and I always have a great time when I do. This is so lovely, witty and just different.

7. Pure Imagination - @aibidil - 14k - An eighth-year tale of depressed happiness, reluctant imagination, and conflicted hope. And skateboarding.

My god is this fic lovely. I spent about three quarters of it clutching my chest because I loved it so much, I love these kids so much and it hit me right in the feels to see everything they go through after the dust of the war settles and they have to figure out their place in life. This is hope in a jar, it’s that light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel story that becomes a metaphor for life itself. A beautiful, beautiful ride.

8. Poor Unfortunate Souls - @doubleappled - 19k - Draco is a potioneer. Harry is trying to save his sex-challenged marriage. Everything is a mess, but at least there’s an octopus in the lobby.

Chaotic, unique, HOT!!! The whole set up is brilliant, Draco’s work is very interesting, the scenes where we get to see with Harry and Ginny are so incredibly well done that my jaw fell to the floor a little, and what can I even say about the entire buildup we get for Draco and Harry’s relationship, it was MASTERFUL. This fic is absolutely amazing and the ending is so good I can still savor it when I remember it. Go check it out, right now!!!

9. Weather With You - @quicksilvermaid - 29k - Flood. Heatwave. Cyclone. Epic storm ready to rip London apart? Something strange is happening to the weather inside the Ministry of Magic…–Featuring magical creatures, Harry wearing minimal clothes, a snarky snake, and Draco Malfoy who is definitely Up To Something.

This story is such a fun ride that can, at times, be absolutely freaking hilarious (the whole “He Is Up To Something” narrative never fails to crack me up), and at times become sweet and tender. There is nothing more relatable to me than a Draco who wants Harry so much he doesn’t even know what to do with himself, and it was a joy to read him here, and actually, both of their characterizations are so fantastic that they definitely feel like an extension of what we know about them to begin with, and I just had the best of times watching them work their way out of this mess. Sprinkle in a bit of parseltongue, witty snakes and shirtless Harry, and you’ve found yourself the best way to spend the evening.

10. A Sword Laid Aside - @korlaena - 128k - When Draco’s cover is blown during a deep undercover operation and the Ministry is compromised, Ron takes Draco to the only safe place he can think of—Potter. Hiding out with a taciturn Harry Potter, who has been missing from the Wizarding World for almost two decades after a shocking fall from grace, is nothing like Draco thought it would be. Draco has to navigate dealing with this Potter while being hunted by Dark wizards and wanted by extremists in the Ministry. When things take a turn for the worse, Draco has to decide whether he’s going to keep running or find a way to protect the world and the people he cares about most.

There are so many things I want to say about this one, so many little details that drove me wild and I want to mention but I just… I- this story is absolutely MIND BLOWING, it’s deep, it’s amazing and frankly extraordinary and I don’t even know how to tell you how much I adore every single word of it. This must be one of my absolute favorite versions of Harry that I’ve ever read, his immense power, his internal conflict, pain and sheer physicality made me weak in the knees; Draco’s characterization is also so heartbreakingly spot on that I could barely believe what I was reading. This story gripped me, squeezed me, spun me around a little and then put me upright again, and there is honestly nothing like it. I haven’t even told you anything about the plot, which… omg. There are no words to tell you how much you NEED to read this. Just typing this is making me want to embark on this adventure again. — I have no excuse for the amount of Harry thirst to be found on this list, I just- well. I really hope you like these little gems! Hahaha. If you do end up reading any of them and want to chat about them, or have questions about any tags or warnings that might worry you, my DMs are always open!!! Enjoy ❤️

#drarry #drarry fic #drarry fanfic #drarry fic recs #draco malfoy #harry potter #drarry fic rec #drarry rec list #2019rec #ficrec

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longsightmyth · 4 years ago

Text

OKAY SO. Here are my goodreads status updates from my first readthrough of ToD. These are from three years ago, some things are out of date, some aren’t fully fleshed out, and some problems I have this time around are absent from my notes the last time. I will eventually get back into this on my goodreads, but until then have these older updates to tide you over. Cut to save everybody’s dashes.

September 5, 2017 – page 12

1.82% "When will people realize that gold is an incredibly soft metal"

September 5, 2017 – page 18

2.73% ""The final blow hadn't been an act of brutality or hate" it sounds pretty brutal and hateful?"

September 5, 2017 – page 18

2.73% "Call me crazy, but attempted sneakymurder followed by screaming plunging into heart murder with the same knife, again, sounds pretty brutal and hateful to me"

September 5, 2017 – page 28

4.24% ""And then he'd ask that servant girl to comb every merchant ship for information about the attack."

First of all, the fragments are strong with this one. Second, that is a stupid idea. You don't know this servant girl, as evidenced by the fact that you don't even know her name. You don't know if she'll be good at extracting info. I mean, she could be. She could also be spying on you right now."

September 5, 2017 – page 28

4.24% "Why did Dorian send ambassadors without a retinue"

September 5, 2017 – page 28

4.24% "Why is the CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD being sent on a diplomatic mission?!"

September 5, 2017 – page 28

4.24% "Seriously how did these people not get conquered earlier? How did Adarlan stay in power all these years? How on EARTH has no one assassinated the king of Adarlan?!"

September 5, 2017 – page 48

7.27% "Okay for real though what are the responsibilities of the royal guard in this world because they seem significant in their scope and I question why a captain of the guard was commanding armies"

September 5, 2017 – page 53

8.03% "Idk man I feel like 'why did your previous king enslave and/or murder his own and various other peoples' to be a valid question"

September 5, 2017 – page 66

10.0% "I find it utterly ludicrous that a trained medical professional won't just say the word penis"

September 7, 2017 – page 85

12.88% "Okay look you've admitted that Kadja (the servant, who at last has a name)could be in the pay of someone but you're still trusting the information she gives you with no qualms whatsoever?"

September 7, 2017 – page 90

13.64% ""It will totes be a weakness if I mention that I'm looking for THE ONLY OTHER MEMBER OF MY DIPLOMATIC GROUP who has gone missing because it will reveal that I care about her"

I don't know what to do with these people I really don't"

September 7, 2017 – page 91

13.79% "I take back whatever points Chaol earned for bothering to learn Kadja's name. Stop yelling at Nesryn for unreasonable things. It's stupid, first of all, and weird, second"

September 16, 2017 – page 91

13.79% "I seem to have misplaced my copy but rest assured I will be back"

September 23, 2017 – page 30

4.55% "On the one hand I can understand a grieving sibling not thinking about every possibility, but on the other, "no one within our lands would be stupid enough to [murder a princess and make it look like a suicide]"

First, if they have successfully fooled everyone into thinking it was suicide, that argues for cleverness, no matter what nationality."

September 23, 2017 – page 30

4.55% "Second, this is a nation where apparently siblings are supposed to duke it out for the throne and murder the offspring of their less skilled or less lucky siblings. Why wouldn't you murder your siblings at that point? Look at the princess who's married and pregnant - maybe she doesn't like her odds if things proceeded on the up and up. Maybe her spouse doesn't. Maybe they just don't want to risk it."

September 23, 2017 – page 30

4.55% "Even if it wasn't a sibling directly, any of their supporters could have done it, or even somebody who just had a grudge and was particularly clever."

September 23, 2017 – page 30

4.55% "Third, someone trying to destabilize the current royal family could be murdering folks. It's not like you guys seem to actually DO anything about possible traitors."

September 23, 2017 – page 30

4.55% "All of these things Chaol, as the former captain of the royal guard, should be considering. Instead he takes Kashin's word for it, because no one in these books has the sense of a turnip."

September 23, 2017 – page 30

4.55% "Also, in case you couldn't tell, I found my book."

September 23, 2017 – page 30

4.55% "But seriously why are the leading suspects not her siblings"

September 25, 2017 – page 37

5.61% "These fragments keep getting weirder. I'm starting to truly believe this book was just never proofread. Example:

"There were two such vials on the desk now, clear orbs atop silver feet fashioned after ibis legs. Being purified by the endless sunshine within the tower."

Does that not read like someone accidentally hit the space bar twice while typing on an iPhone?"

October 5, 2017 – page 106

16.06% "I can't quite put my finger on why the new and strange veneration of Dorian's father bothers me as much as it does. Maybe the utter lack of foreshadowing? It could be that the man made more evil decisions pre-possession, or at least early possession when he ostensibly had enough control to try to make an eight year old..."

October 5, 2017 – page 106

16.06% "...lose control and burn him up, thus causing major political unrest and war. The eight year old was an awful child, true, but that's no reason to trick or trap a child into murder and causing a war."

October 5, 2017 – page 106

16.06% "Honestly he was a much more effective villain before the series started if you count extreme selfishness as a villainous trait.

Which I do."

October 5, 2017 – page 107

16.21% "Why is everyone STILL fawning of Celaena she isn't even supposed to be in this book GIVE IT A REST"

October 5, 2017 – page 107

16.21% "Do we have to have every single POV character independently explain to us who Silba is? Is this a requirement? Is this author being paid by the word?"

October 5, 2017 – page 108

16.36% ""In that court of vipers" [footage not found] you can't tell me CONSTANTLY that a court is pretty and valid and useless and only show us the court once (where they are dancing and Dorian is thinking about how his mother and her court are pretty and vapid and useless) and then try to tell me that they were all Evil Politicians working to drag Dorian down. You just can't."

October 5, 2017 – page 109

16.52% "More Celaena worship. Should I stop noting this? I probably won't."

October 5, 2017 – page 109

16.52% ""I told you what happened," he simply said.

I will go to my grave saying that if you add dialogue tags to something you want to be plain and simple you are doing it wrong. MY GRAVE."

October 5, 2017 – page 110

16.67% "Are these glass bells magical this seems like a bad plan to me"

October 5, 2017 – page 111

16.82% "Are only women healers? Why? Is it a magic thing or a cultural thing? Would a man be allowed to be a healer or would he be laughed out, magical healing ability or no? Would he be allowed but looked down on? Do men even get healing magic? Is there a stigma? TELL ME."

October 5, 2017 – page 111

16.82% "How does no one in this book have an ex they can just kinda nod at in the street why is it all Tragically Dead or evil past loves"

October 5, 2017 – page 117

17.73% ""How many times had he laid into his men for slouching, for chattering amongst themselves, and reassigned them to lesser watches?"

I mean going by the way you dealt with two guard who literally just peaced out and went to hang out at a party (ie, ah well, this happens, try not to do it again, come back tomorrow) not that many times."

October 5, 2017 – page 123

18.64% "Baast cats. Sure, why not, I guess."

October 5, 2017 – page 125

18.94% "I guess we do have printing presses in this world somehow"

October 5, 2017 – page 126

19.09% "Wait she named one of the Valg kings Orcus? I'm going to laugh my way to my dnd group this weekend"

October 5, 2017 – page 128

19.39% "This MADWOMAN is stuffing scrolls that are CENTURIES OLD into her CLOAK POCKETS. I feel faint."

October 5, 2017 – page 130

19.7% "Why do so few people get names in this series? Why does nobody think about the fact that they don't know people's names?!"

October 5, 2017 – page 132

20.0% "The bell alarm would be super clever if you discount the fact that anyone who watched the library for any length of time would know it never closed, and would therefore know that there was no bell toll to signal the library closing, and would THEREFORE know that the jig, she is up"

October 5, 2017 – page 135

20.45% "This isn't quite as bad as Dorian letting Sorscha take the blame for the damage caused by his magical temper tantrum, but come on, Yrene. You want a servant to leave so you can talk to Chaol in private so you straight up say that she HARMED him?"

October 5, 2017 – page 135

20.45% "That is quite frankly despicable, even if we ignore the possible consequences to Kadja. You just told the woman she hurt somebody! You put that on her shoulders! You have officially become awful."

October 5, 2017 – page 136

20.61% "Wait wait wait Yrene KNOWS that she has made Kadja worry about her position and wellbeing by literally saying that she hurt Chaol, and Yrene doesn't even care? What the everloving FUCK."

October 5, 2017 – page 138

20.91% "Why would bodiless shadow entities care about what bodies they inhabited? Is there a reason they only take dude bodies? Did they study humans for a while and decide they should be aesthetically pleasing men to be most effective? WHY"

October 5, 2017 – page 145

21.97% ""Either your lack of consciousness during that initial healing kept you from feeling this sort of pain, or perhaps whatever this is had not... settled."

Aka, I needed a wordy way to explain this particular asspull plot device.

Sorry, true love device."

October 5, 2017 – page 148

22.42% "Are the ruks basically the eagles. Are they. (In fairness I was thinking of the seanchan flying lizard things whose name escapes me from Wheel of Time until this point)"

October 5, 2017 – page 150

22.73% "How are they having this conversation up in the air with the wind"

October 5, 2017 – page 151

22.88% ""[Celaena] and Dorian both possess considerable magic. But I would say it is their intelligence that is the stronger weapon."

Celaena and Dorian's intelligence: [footage not found]"

October 5, 2017 – page 153

23.18% "Does nobody suspect Yrene? She found the body, she sounded the alarm for something nobody else found, she has all those weird books about death magic and stuff, she has access to the royal family..."

October 5, 2017 – page 159

24.09% "You just told Kadja to add lots of honey Yrene don't fucking complain like it's her fault the tea is too sweet now. What the hell. Why are we hating on Kadja so much. She's doing her job as stated by the book.

It's because this is when the author decided that Yrene was going to be Chaol's new love interest isn't it"

October 5, 2017 – page 160

24.24% "Of course Chaol instinctively puts the right amount of honey into the tea. Because why not I guess."

October 5, 2017 – page 165

25.0% "WHY DOES THE GRAND EMPRESS NOT HAVE A NAME"

October 5, 2017 – page 175

26.52% "I'm not saying the idea with the horse is impossible or even ill-conceived, but did you train the horse to answer only to rein? Because it doesn't matter how patient the horse is, if Chaol doesn't have control over his legs they'll either swing a bit, giving the horse commands it has been trained to obey, or keep constant hard pressure, which would confuse the horse if it was trained traditionally."

October 5, 2017 – page 175

26.52% "In other words, this is actually a considerate idea. Unfortunately it lacks the knowledge of someone who knows about horses. And I'm not saying all horses are trained the same way, but that's another factor - is this horse trained to ignore legs, one of the main forms of signaling for riders - in favor of rein? Never mentioned."

October 5, 2017 – page 178

26.97% ""You have a good seat" he says, at which point Yrene promptly flails everywhere and slides back and forth in her saddle. That means she does not have a good seat. Do a teensy bit of research on horses and riding please"

October 5, 2017 – page 178

26.97% "Here's the thing. "No lady, beautiful or plain, young or old, deserved to be gawked at."

It's a great sentiment. It's a sentiment I applaud. It's a sentiment that is completely undermine by this appearing to happen only to Yrene as a tool to tell us how desirable she is, and don't try to tell me it's not."

October 5, 2017 – page 179

27.12% ""You encounter that [harassment] here?"

Chaol. Literally one page ago you were commenting on people ogling her creepily. Keep up."

October 5, 2017 – page 180

27.27% ""Dorian has long studied and admired the khaganate."

Uh-huh. That's why it was never mentioned before the beginning of this book as anything other than the mysterious southern continent where Nesryn was from. Makes total sense."

October 5, 2017 – page 185

28.03% "Look I'm no fan of Chaol these days but it doesn't matter - you're shouting about the man's disability that he is clearly insecure about to a crowd while he sits there after having agreed to help you with something entirely different. You don't have his permission. He didn't ask you to talk to other healers. Why are you being a dick?"

October 5, 2017 – page 185

28.03% "Also, the medical professionals still refuse to say the word penis. I don't know why manhood is better, but apparently euphemisms rule the day in this world."

October 5, 2017 – page 185

28.03% "Also, the medical professionals still refuse to say the word penis. I don't know why manhood is better, but apparently euphemisms rule the day in this world."

October 5, 2017 – page 186

28.18% "No nope nuh-uh this is actually nausea inducing my blind eye isn't even that big a deal but somebody shouting about it and giving my medical particulars to a giant crowd of people I wasn't even told about and pointing out (loudly) that it was rolling off to the side or something would be SO AWFUL. Jesus Christ, I didn't even know I could have this kind of reaction."

October 5, 2017 – page 186

28.18% "Fuck this book."

October 5, 2017 – page 186

28.18% "Fuck Yrene."

October 5, 2017 – page 186

28.18% "This is the WORST."

October 5, 2017 – page 186

28.18% "He's literally either strapped to a horse or being carried by these so called healers he can't even just LEAVE. Fuck."

October 5, 2017 – page 187

28.33% ""She means well, my Yrene."

Don't.

Care."

October 6, 2017 – page 187

28.33% "Still not over it (she literally goes, as if it's a treat, "who would like to assist lord westfall from his mount to his chair?" Could that have even been PHRASED more insultingly?) but let's see what horrors come next."

October 6, 2017 – page 188

28.48% "It's a small thing but he keeps referring to them in his brain as 'these ladies' like way to be patronizing Chaol I'm trying to give you a pass because of the EXTREME AMOUNT OF DICKISHNESS that has recently been visited upon you but come on"

October 6, 2017 – page 188

28.48% "Stop with beheld.

Also, not to harp on this, but can YA in general get its facts straight in regards to self defense? Chaol has never trained non-soldiers. Chaol has never been trained BY non-soldiers. Chaol has never studied or considered the types of self-defense necessary for, say, a twelve year old girl who ha otherwise had no martial arts training and will probably not have other martial arts training."

October 6, 2017 – page 188

28.48% "The techniques involved are ENTIRELY DIFFERENT."

October 6, 2017 – page 190

28.79% "I ask again, what duties went with captain of the royal guard?!"

October 6, 2017 – page 195

29.55% "She gets mad at him when he makes a jibe about her getting the apprentices to haul him off his horse without asking him. She literally just walks away from him while he's still strapped to the horse. Now she's demanding if she DID something to him"

October 6, 2017 – page 195

29.55% ""Your piss-poor attitude helps no one and nothing"

Go fuck yourself Yrene"

October 6, 2017 – page 196

29.7% "But it's NESRYN who's the bad guy for expressing surprise that Chaol rode somewhere?!"

October 6, 2017 – page 199

30.15% "Okay, at least she apologized. Sorta? "I'm sorry. I should have considered your feelings on the matter."

Yeah. You should have. Or maybe, like, ASKED."

October 6, 2017 – page 203

30.76% "In my quest for fairness, that passage about Chaol feeling guilty for shit that went down in his past was significantly better done than most of the whole book. Unfortunately we've seen no sign of these things in Chaol's POV before, so it still comes out of left field."

October 6, 2017 – page 217

32.88% "Of course the princess' favorite story is about Celaena even if she doesn't know it's about Celaena"

October 6, 2017 – page 223

33.79% "It's possible I just like badass queer ladies, but Hassar is sounding cooler and cooler outside the weird jealousy thing with Renia. It's also possible that it's because the narrative doesn't try to tell me she's Good and Pure while she's talking about beheading folks."

October 6, 2017 – page 224

33.94% "I take it back. Why is everyone awful."

October 6, 2017 – page 233

35.3% "All of a sudden they're so attracted to each other that him saying her name 'made her toes curl'. It's not that I didn't see this coming, it just feels super abrupt."

October 6, 2017 – page 247

37.42% ""He hadn't quite realized how slim her waist was, how her hips flared beneath it. How her other assets swelled above."

I leave this for y'all without further comment."

October 6, 2017 – page 254

38.48% "Where are all the question marks?"

October 6, 2017 – page 256

38.79% "Apparently because Chaol is not cave-man jealous that Nesryn is talking to another dude, he and Nesryn aren't meant to be. Wow."

October 6, 2017 – page 271

41.06% ""But the scroll... it was too precious. Too ancient to treat so callously. Even flattening it out might harm the integrity of the paper, the ink."

Didn't stop you from SHOVING IT INTO YOUR POCKET EARLIER, YRENE"

October 25, 2017 – page 282

42.73% "I'm back to ask where all the question marks went"

January 5, 2018 – page 285

43.18% "That was a paragraph made almost entirely of fragments."

January 5, 2018 – page 293

44.39% ""The scent of lemon and lavender [from the Torre]" that is my perfume how did I never notice it before I AM SO MAD"

January 5, 2018 – page 299

45.3% "More retconning to make Dorian's still unnamed father a sort of antihero making hard decisions by murdering everybody who could maybe use magic."

January 5, 2018 – page 299

45.3% "I hate everything about this idea, and everything about how all evil men are redeemed or found to have not been under their own power while women who do something 'wrong' (like doubting Celaena) are given grisly punishments even when they are revealed to be misguided or whatever in the case of Kaltain."

January 5, 2018 – page 299

January 5, 2018 – page 308

46.67% "I actually do appreciate this. The handling of Chaol's disability has been pretty crappy, but this guard (with a name!) has a prosthetic arm and he uses it and goes about his life. Props."

January 6, 2018 – page 317

48.03% "I actually do like this part. If Yrene were always like this I'd like this book, but the book can't seem to just let Yrene be this person who always wants to help people. I can't put my finger on why she seems so inconsistent to me. It could be the many mentions of Celaena are off-putting, or it could be that we rarely ever see Yrene helping the poor."

January 6, 2018 – page 317

48.03% "I won't say never because we have at least two examples. As always though, these books rely too heavily on telling while they show us something else."

January 6, 2018 – page 319

48.33% "This is part of the reason these books frustrate me so much. Every once no a while a line or a paragraph comes that makes me think that maybe the author Gets It, but then it's lost in a miasma of Celaena worship and males and females and all that nonsense."

January 6, 2018 – page 324

49.09% "Then we get "don't you waste one heartbeat being afraid of a coward who hunts women in the darkness."

First of all, that could be polished up to be a better line. Second, it's literally a demon hunting her. Third, she has the bare basics of self defense. Fourth, YES WE ARE AFRAID OF PEIPLE HUNTING WOMEN IN THE DARK, YOU DICK. That doesn't mean we can't do something about it. Fuck off."

January 6, 2018 – page 328

49.7% "Men are "silky, Court-trained liars" a la Black Jewels, but women are apparently "smooth, pretty" liars. Make of that what you will."

January 6, 2018 – page 338

51.21% "Nope we have spent five books and multiple short stories in Celaena's mind we never see any of this planning I will not be convinced by this toadying"

January 6, 2018 – page 340

51.52% "Why does no one seem to understand that being good at using a weapon does not immediately equate to being a good tactician or a good leader?!"

January 6, 2018 – page 347

52.58% ""But what is more unusual: that a Balruhni woman is their captain, or that a captain of Adarlan has ventured so far?"

Idk she's supposed to be running the military body responsible for the protection of a king so I'd think it would be unusual for her to leave said king but what do I know"

January 6, 2018 – page 347

52.58% ""The real question is... does she come as emissary or bride?"

That would not be my real question I have to admit. Also it's a stupid question. These books are written with a juvenile humor and juvenile character interactions while trying to give graphic adult content and I hate everything."

January 6, 2018 – page 349

52.88% ""Made sure he notes that the grace with which she moved was not some feminine gift"

Sorry do you think women just naturally move gracefully?"

January 6, 2018 – page 371

56.21% "Apparently the sentient southern spiders are not as civilized as the northern sentient spiders idk y'all"

January 6, 2018 – page 378

57.27% "Of course the fae brought 'civilizations to the southern continent of course they did"

January 6, 2018 – page 405

61.36% "Hang on can the giant birds talk now?"

January 6, 2018 – page 405

61.36% "Nope, sorry, pronoun confusion. All good."

January 6, 2018 – page 421

63.79% "I mean we all know my stance on Celaena, re: her supposed brilliance and/or that of her advisors, so it should surprise no one that it seems like all the royalty here are talking sense when it comes to not helping her."

January 6, 2018 – page 453

68.64% "Apparently love can make you walk again after a spine injury. I guess that's good to know. (What the hell)"

January 6, 2018 – page 470

71.21% "Remember girls if you win anything it's only because the boys you're competing with are worried you'll hurt your fragile feminine selves and let you win (unless you are Celaena Sardothien, in which case sometimes you are allowed to win on your own in the most obnoxious way possible)"

January 6, 2018 – page 471

71.36% "I think I'm supposed to find this cute but frankly everything about this fucking stinks, a dude had his father declare he was betrothed to a woman and she didn't know it was going to happen and because she hasn't outright told the dude to jump off a cliff everybody's like 'ah yes she really does want him' even as they talk about how the marriage might help a strained and grouchy alliance"

January 6, 2018 – page 481

72.88% "It's not a chestnut if it has a black mane it is a bay I swear to god it will be trivial horse details in YA lit that make me lose it in the end"

January 6, 2018 – page 483

73.18% "MY KINGDOM FOR A GELDING"

January 6, 2018 – page 486

73.64% "I'm getting the feeling that people don't understand how much leg muscle it takes to ride a horse successfully even if you don't use your legs to guide them. Is Chaol's tricked-out saddle being used and I missed it?"

January 6, 2018 – page 498

75.45% "Everything good is apparently fae, even healing magic. Watch Yrene turn out to be the long lost heir to the Magical Healing Fae Dynasty or something."

January 6, 2018 – page 498

75.45% "Still no word on why only women are healers"

January 6, 2018 – page 509

77.12% "Of course the gay princess is the high tempered murder-y brat princess. Of course."

January 6, 2018 – page 520

78.79% "It should be impossible to glorify Celaena without even knowing who she is AND YET"

January 6, 2018 – page 530

80.3% "I call bullshit. No foreshadowing, no nothing. This is yet another goddamn asspull for shock value and I am TIRED OF IT"

January 7, 2018 – page 563

85.3% "Once again there are parts of this that would be good if they made any sense at all in the narrative or had anything leading up to them or didn't DIRECTLY CONTRADICT other parts of the book"

January 7, 2018 – page 565

85.61% "Once again, abusive asshole dude given benefit of the doubt and apparently was actually trying to save his son I swear to god how many of these can there BE."

January 7, 2018 – page 567

85.91% "For the love of god how much more veneration of Celaena can one woman be expected to stand"

January 7, 2018 – page 570

86.36% ""He did not deserve to serve such a man. Such a king."

I am of the opinion that there are few people terrible enough to DESERVE serving Dorian, but here we are."

January 7, 2018 – page 575

87.12% "Of course he's fully healed of course he is love apparently heals spinal injuries so well it's as if they never were aside from an easily overlooked scar much like Celaena's three parallel whip scar marks on her back I swear to god"

January 7, 2018 – page 576

87.27% ""Then Sartaq clasped arms with Yeran, whine Borte pointedly ignored, which Nesryn supposed was an improvement on outright hostility"

Nah man dude decided he and Borte were engaged without even letting her know and made a FORMAL ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT IT and she seems to feel that telling him to fuck off would endanger a precarious alliance"

January 7, 2018 – page 579

87.73% "Sorry the Borte quote was supposed to be 579"

January 7, 2018 – page 579

87.73% "Either way, why is everyone treating this like it's cute?"

January 7, 2018 – page 579

87.73% "It's creepy in the extreme and manipulative AT BEST"

January 7, 2018 – page 580

87.88% ""Yet as she left, Nesryn could have sworn Borte gave Yeran a secret, small smile"

No. Stop it. This isn't cute. This is creepy as fuck. Stop telling people that all you have to do is make the girl yours and she'll love you eventually. That's some Stockholm bullshit. I hate everything."

January 7, 2018 – page 580

87.88% ""She set a date. That's how she got my hearth-mother to approve."

Cool so Borte BARTERED HERSELF OFF to save her hearth-brother dude but we're just going to pretend this is cute I hate EVERYTHING"

January 7, 2018 – page 591

89.55% ""It would have been like Aelin, to shift the battle between her and Maeve to the shore. To minimize casualties, so she could unleash her full power without hesitation."

FOOTAGE NOT FUCKING FOUND Celaena has never given any sort of shits about innocent bystanders aside from useless lip service and has in fact BURNED ENTIRE SHIPS OF HER ALLIES ALIVE and been irritated that people were upset with her about it"

January 7, 2018 – page 591

89.55% "I am SO ANGRY"

January 7, 2018 – page 601

91.06% "Once again, no foreshadowing whatsoever."

January 7, 2018 – page 609

92.27% "No fucks given about Duva, it's all about the fetus now apparently"

January 7, 2018 – page 639

96.82% "I fail to see why the gender of a demon makes any difference at all. Why is this an OMG BIG REVEAL?"

January 7, 2018 – page 640

96.97% "God the book is trying it's trying SO HARD to make not all women terrible people unless they bow to Celaena but like. This is a complete reversal of Hassar. We've never seen her care about anybody but Renia."

January 7, 2018 – page 654

99.09% ""No longer Yrene Towers - but Yrene Westfall"

The Towers women have kept their last name through at least ten generations this is BULLSHIT it's a healer thing why can't she be Yrene Towers, Lady Westfall it's not without precedent irl and all it would do would keep character consistency and not immediately behold her to a man oh wait"

January 7, 2018 – page 656

99.39% "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MORE CELAENA VENERATION"

January 7, 2018 – page 659

99.85% ""A coffin built by an ancient queen to keep the sun inside"

The sun is Celaena/Aelin, in case you were curious."

January 7, 2018 – Shelved as: 1-5-stars

#myth rags on throne of glass #myth reads #myth reads tower of dawn

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jinxofthedesert · 5 years ago

Note

Hi there! Annoying anon that loves rambling about the Valeska twins is here again 🤣 Let the discussion continue! 😂 Yeah, I totally get your point of writing such stories as a means of fulfilling wishes. I guess it makes sense from the writer's pov that they want to give these characters a different (better) treatment. Valid point, but still, they don't feel real to me.

(Below this is the rest of the messages, put together. Farther down, below the line, are my responses)

It's like I'm reading a story with a character that's called Jerome/Jeremiah Valeska and looks exactly like him, but it's not truly him (just like you said, at their cores they are bad guys). But it's perfectly understandable and all right that people want to give them a rest from their chaotic lives haha 😊 everybody’s got their cup of tea ☕

Damn, yes, these stories are so hard to find! I imagine that writing something of the sort and investing so much in such complex characters can be draining and daunting, so yeah I get the reason why there are not so many fics out there... and OCs are so difficult to write haha you are right. They take too much time and effort 🤣

Yeah, I guess Ecco was not the best example. It's very true what you say about Jeremiah's and Ecco's relationship. In the show it was portrayed as a professional one. So we don't really know if there's anything else beyond that, save for some level of concern. So I guess I should have gone with Bruce instead because, just like you said, Jeremiah went totally bonkers when he realized that Bruce was the only one who saw past his resemblance to Jerome.

Basically, what I was trying to say is that in these fics there's not really that same vibe of evil obsession and lunacy from the twin's side. Maybe just some sort of heightened jealousy when their partner is addressed by other characters, but not in a really "Valeska" way. In fact, it is also strange when Bruce is completely absent in these stories when the twins' obsession revolves around him.

Yeah, there is sooo much to explore, so that is why I am very curious to see how people construe their backgrounds, but usually it's just the repetition of the show with some added scenes and dialogues here and there 😅 I would love to see something a bit different, but well, I guess I am being very demanding 🤣 Don't worry about it and thanks so much for replying! 😘 I am now doing some research in different sites 🤣

It's a bit weird because even though I enjoyed the show, I have to say I merely watched it to see ma broski boys in action 🤣 so If I wasn't so lazy (and didn't have other unfinished projects) I would try to write something (my mind is already full of vague ideas OMGGG 😏🤔😂), but I don't really know much about other characters or subplots, so I would not be sure how to tackle it 🤔 Thanks again for the lovely discussion! 😊

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Hi anon! Don’t you worry about your rambles, they’re not at all annoying! I find it rather fun to discuss the twins.

I’m sorry you’ve not been able to find the content you’re looking for; usually, I always run into comments on Tumblr or Pinterest about how you look for certain fics and when you can’t find them, then it’s time to try a hand at writing it yourself. I’ve done that and, even though I enjoy writing, it’s still pretty hard, especially to find a drive to do it when I really am not feeling it. With the twins not feeling real, I understand, ‘course I now think I’m at the point where I might read anything if I’m gifted with more content lol (though there are some tags that, if I see them, I don’t touch if I can help it).

I think, usually, with most writers, it’s easier to take a character like Jerome/Jeremiah and, instead of doing the tremendous work that comes with trying (emphasis trying) to change them, they do a few things and that’s enough for a road to recovery. Because, most of the time, they’re not writing to change the character, or even to make it realistic; sometimes they’re just writing, or they wanted to try a different aspect. There can be so many reasons and sometimes digging deep and getting a character 100% correct isn’t at the top of the list of what you want in that story. Personally, I’ve learned to broaden my sense of disbelief with characters and just enjoy what I manage to find, especially since the Gotham fic-oriented content is sooooo small 😢

After reading your last message, I actually went onto Ao3 and searched ‘character studies’ under the characters and yeah, there’s not much, I read a few and I honestly wasn’t sure what to think (not to call anyone out). It reminded me a lot of my years reading batjokes on fanfiction or, again, Ao3 where, if you search long enough, there’s a fic for almost all your needs. There have been some good gems in there that delve into character studies and helping these characters try and become better. Comparing that to Gotham’s arrangement of fics is sad, to say the least, but batjokes in all media have a lottttt of years to have such a collection of wonderful content. (Even if you’re only a Gotham fan, stretching out into the actual Batman fandom can be very rewarding, even if your next step is into the Nolan movies or even Batman in general cause you can replace the characters in your head if you really want too) I think one big problem with Oc’s is that, in a way, they’re easy to make, but in the worst way. You can create a character to put in the place you want, a blank space and they’re just nothing. This comes up a lot in anime type works, where the main character is so blah for the purpose of the audience (reader in our other case) to put themselves in the place of the main character. This also happens in a lot of movies as well, instead of fleshing the character out and allowing them to move and breathe the way THEY would and not how the audience thinks they themselves would. Because of this, oc’s can be very flat. There are the exception, of course although I have no examples since I don’t remember the last Oc story I read . . . *wracks brain* yeah no idea. Though I’m sure it’s somewhere in my saves.

Even if one doesn’t ship Jeremiah with Bruce, it’s very difficult to ignore/brush under the rug that there was definitely an obsession and that originally, during their weeks of spending time together, building the generator, there started a friendship. The first is very obvious, show-wise (and friendship kinda came with the territory) and the gay subtext can be there if you look at it that way. As much as an interesting character Ecco is, she’s both not important enough in the show (sorry Ecco lovers) or to Jeremiah or to anyone for that matter. While with Bruce and Jeremiah, with how their first meeting go’s and all the meetings that follow after (very willingly on Jeremiah’s part even though I’m sure before this NO ONE was allowed in the inner parts of his bunker for long periods. Probably not even Ecco) the relationship is much more pronounced than anything we’re given prior. I like to think that even though Bruce was manipulating Jeremiah when they first met, he actually did see him as his own person. Even though he, like Jim and Harvey, have personally bore witness to Jerome’s tyranny. (And that only twists the knife harder when Jeremiah eventually loses his mind because both him and Jeremiah saw him as his own person and in a way Jeremiah doesn’t become like Jerome, he becomes worse)

One could argue that since we didn’t see a ‘true’ way the Valeska’s love that any type of them showing affection might never seem very Valeska. Unless one looks at their reactions and interactions with Bruce as something more than just ‘wanting to kill him’ or ‘obsession’. This would be another reason I’m don’t read much in the oc-area or out of the romantic’s lol mainly because the moment they take Bruce out of the picture, everything seems off. Jerome, while willing to divide his attention, only does it with specific people, who are: Jim, Bruce, Jeremiah, and, on occasion, Oswald (though he’s much less in comparison to the ‘big three’). Other then them, we don’t see him hyper-focus on anyone else in the show, and if he does, it’s for a second and to simply kill them after. If these three aren’t integral to his behavior and actions then things feel flat and out-right ignoring his obsession with Bruce and his inner darkness can be unrealistic. With Jeremiah, this is much worse because in canon, once No Man’s Land starts, all he can think about is Bruce. Everything he does in that setting and before this even started was for Bruce. This type of obsession is . . . well, something that can’t simply be ignored, it’s a big part of his character and also very integral to just who he is after the spray. It may not be as bad at the start of the spray (because he’s too busy rebuilding Gotham in his image) but literally second to that desire is his connection with Bruce. If there were a summary of Jeremiah as a character it would be IMPOSSIBLE to write it without Bruce (same with Jerome though his might be a footnote, depending). So him suddenly focusing on someone else is . . . odd (even with Jim he doesn’t give his full attention too and, in the finale, Jeremiah only starts moving around and doing shit when he realizes that Bruce has come home early and that it’s time to finally come back to the spotlight). Especially since he’s supposed to be the ‘Joker’ in the Gotham world, which, technically speaking, means this obsession with the Bat (a.k.a Bruce) will only ever get worse from here (not to mention the fact he knows Batman is Bruce because he remembers the prophecy Ra’s told him, which we’re shown in the finale when he first sees the Bat and comment’s ‘you’ in a knowing way; this can be argued he’s just recognizing that this is what the prophecy was talking about or that it’s Bruce but personally I think both cause the prophecy was about both of them.).

It’s hard not to repeat things in canon though, believe me, I know and if you ever try writing a time travel story, it’s much worse cause then you have to change literally everything if you’re doing it that way. Nah, you know what you like; the only problem with that is it’ll be hard to find it most of the time. I wish you luck in searching! Hopefully, you’ll find something.

Same. My older brother introduced me to the show and his way of doing so was first telling me it was a batman show, that I would LOVE Oswald’s aesthetic and that there was a Joker-type character just introduced. I was sold lol. There’s been a lot of drama with the show though, concerning the twins and I honestly wish they’d just stuck with Jerome or if they did still use Jeremiah that he wasn't just . . . a backup plan for killing Jerome off. And, if they’d been allowed to go on for a few more seasons, I wouldn’t have been surprised if they would have also killed Jeremiah and a third (never heard of) Valeska twin (triplet) would show up, playing into the overall Joker lore about there having been three. 😒🤨😑 Which I find humorous because they did so well with Jerome, he was a well-rounded, fleshed out character and, as much as I love Jeremiah, it’s hard not to consider what we could have gotten if Jerome had lived *wistful sigh* I won’t lie that the drama hasn’t affected how I watch it too these days, or at least left me with a lasting impression. I was very invested in the first few seasons, it was a good show, minus the plot-holes and annoying characters (yes, some annoy me and there are some I can’t stand) but when the twins were on screen, it was probably the show at its best. If they had implicated them more so into the main story I probably would have watched all the way to the end (I can admit, I’ve never seen season five, but I saw many clips, have been completely spoiled and DID watch the finale lol and . . . I think I saw some of season four? Maybe, not sure anymore.) because when they’re also interacting with Bruce, perfection. I could watch that shit for days.

Also, if you did write it, it wouldn’t have to be about other characters if you don’t want it to be. You’re talking to me, who has never seen the last few seasons and when I wrote my first fic ‘Blindly Evident’ literally all my scenes I had to LOOK UP because I only knew the base of what the scene was even about lol. So sometimes, you can totally bullshit your way lol and somehow it turns out to be really good and you like it. Or it’s just snippets of small scenes with your characters (I’ve been writing a fic like that for awhile because it’s fun and easy and yet you can make it so thought provoking because these snippets are so smallll.) I would implore you to give it a go. Even if you have no idea what the other characters are doing or even what their names are.

I feel like this has just become me rambling about Gotham and writing tips at this point lol but you’re welcome~ I am here to try and help and always willing to listen about Gotham and talk (or rant, I’m not picky lol). Thanks again for your ask, anon! Hope you find that content you’re looking for 🥰🧡💛

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mrs-mystica · 5 years ago

Text

Life and Limb | Platonic LAMP

Note : I describe this as Platonic LAMP, but you can pretty much imagine the ship you want, or even none at all.

TW : Panic attack, self-harm/self-mutilation, spider parts, blood, angst, swearing, hurt/comfort, pretty disturbing imagery...

Please be warned before reading this if you're someone who is easily disturbed. If you feel like more TWs should be listed, please message me.

Masterlink

Third person's POV

- So Virgil, what did you want to talk about?

Patton, Roman and Logan were all seated on their couch in the middle of the living room. Virgil was standing in front of them, visibly nervous. He had wanted to do this for some time now. They accepted him into their group, and they had become all really close since that video, but he still had one secret that he didn't like keeping to himself. If they really loved him and accepted him, there wouldn't be any problem with sharing it with them. Nonetheless, being the literal embodiment of Thomas' anxiety, he kept being scared of their reactions, pushing his reveal to the next day each time. But now, he was ready. It was time to bite the bullet. He took a deep breath and started to speak to the three sides in front of him.

- You know, you're really supportive of me, since you accepted me and all... And I truly appreciate everything you guys do for me... But, to be truly honest with you... and to make sure you guys truly accept me, I've got to... confess something.

Patton's joyful smile was replaced by a worried expression, matching the two other sides next to him. None of them were really sure where the anxious side was going with his speech. Playing with his sleeves, Virgil continued.

- Like you guys know, I used to be a dark side... And, I feel the need to show you my true appearance, because I feel like I'm lying to you guys by hiding those parts of myself... And...

Virgil took a moment to collect his thoughts before continuing.

- And... yeah that's pretty much it, I just don't want to keep secrets from you guys anymore... You all matter so much to me... So yeah...

Nervously, he started scratching the back of his neck. The creative side was the first to answer.

- Well, if that can help you feel better to show us, I don't see why there would be a problem.

- Yes!, said the moral trait, No matter what, we'll always love you and accepted you!

The logic trait kept his answer quiet, only nodding and smiling to give his support. Virgil smiled shyly before taking a deep and long breath. Slowly, he removed his hoodie and hung it around his waist. Then, he glared at the three sides one last time before putting his hands on his face, hiding it. He could feel his body trembling as his real features started to pop out of their hideouts under his skin. Eight spider limbs crawled from his back, until they reached their full length. They stood around his body, each tip pointing toward in front of him. Virgil slowly moved down his hands from his face to reveal 4 pairs of purple eyes.

And with so many eyes, he couldn't miss the reactions in front of him.

Patton's eyes kept moving, looking at every part of him, with an expression of disgust and fear.

Logan first seemed surprised, but then a strange curiosity seemed to appear in his eyes as he examined from afar Virgil's extra limbs.

Roman jumped from his seat, fear in his eyes, his hand on his sword, seemingly ready to fight.

Bewildered by their reactions, Virgil stumbled backward, almost falling on the ground. He hugged himself with his arms. He tried to say something, but as he opened his mouth, sharp teeth were revealed to them, which only accentuated each of their expressions. What hurt Virgil the most was the tears of fear that were now falling on Patton's face. Roman drew his sword toward Virgil, also visibly shaken by his appearance. The anxious side panicked and suddenly started running toward his room. He could hear someone calling his name behind him, but he didn't look back. He slammed the door behind him. It was only then that he realized that he was hyperventilating. His body suddenly felt too heavy for his legs and he fell on the ground, his back against his closed door. He curled up, hugging his knees, his spider limbs wrapping around him like a shield. He felt like crying, but tears refused to fall to release the pressure inside him. He wanted to scream, but no sound escaped his lips. His lungs were burning, each breath felt like knives cutting through him. His surroundings started to move around him. His head started to feel heavier each second that passed. And when it became too heavy to support, he fell on his side, falling into unconsciousness.

***

Meanwhile, the three sides were still shaken by what had happened. The hurt in Virgil's eyes as he looked at him was too much to bare for Patton. He had instantly felt bad, and he had tried to call his name as his precious friend fled from the room. As he noticed Roman moving forward, seemingly to pursue the anxious side, he instantly jumped out of the couch and grabbed Roman's armed arm. The creative side glared at him, confused at the crying man.

- Roman! This is Virgil, what are you doing?!

His voice cracked under the emotion. There was a horrible sensation in his chest, and it was hard for him to collect his thoughts at the moment to understand what it was. His feelings seemed contradictory. He was so scared of spiders, but how could he be scared of one of his best friends?! He started to cry even more, this time on Roman's shoulder, as the side dropped his sword on the floor and hugged the moral trait. After several minutes of no one speaking, with only whimpers breaking the heavy silence in the room, Logan finally moved from the couch and put a hand on Patton's back. He tried his best to contribute and comfort Patton, but emotions were not strength. As he noticed that Roman was also crying, he guided them both back on the couch, to take a moment to calm down and collect their thoughts and emotions before talking about what just happened.

***

If only he felt better when he woke up half an hour later. Virgil woke up on the ground, his face touching the floor. It felt as if someone had thrown at him a bucket full of iced water. Every part of him was shaking. His mind was blurry and, for a moment, he forgot where he was and what had happened. But as he looked around him, he saw himself in his full-length mirror, and he remembered everything. He sighed as he saw his stupid spider limbs in his back. What even did he expect? He was Thomas' anxiety, he was responsible for his fears, of course he knew he was afraid of spiders. Tears finally started to fall on his face as he ran his hand through his hair. He felt so stupid. He started to laugh quietly at his stupidity. He had refused to listen to those thoughts in his head, but they were right. He will never be truly accepted. He should've been satisfied with what he had. Now it was too late. He was convinced he would never be able to be loved by the other sides again. Anytime they would look at him, they would be reminded of his monstrous appearance, that deep down he was still a dark side, and they will never trust him again. And that would be the best scenario. They could also get rid of him, or even worse, throw him back with the dark sides in the subconscious. And Virgil knew he wasn't welcomed there anymore. Who knew what they would do to punish him for leaving and for being mean to them?!

Despair was growing inside of him. He already missed them, he wanted to everything to be like before, he wished he never had this stupid feeling! He looked at himself again in the mirror. He hated seeing himself in it. Suddenly, he felt an urge to punch it. The glass broke and shattered into a significant amount of little shards. Some of them had entered his knuckles, but the pain felt unimportant compared to the unbearable feeling in his chest. He looked at his hand and then at the shards covering the ground in front of him. Drops of blood were falling on the ground. He took one of the biggest shards on the floor in his hand and stared at him for several minutes.

And then it hit him. There was a solution to his problem. If he got rid of his spider features, there wouldn't be any reasons for them anymore to be afraid of him, or even to be disgusted at him. He could start by bursting his eyes with these shards, so he wouldn't have these disgusting pair of eyes on his face anymore. But he would be bleeding a lot, wouldn't he? He would probably need to sew them together after, so it would be a less disturbing view. Fortunately for him, he thought, he still had some thread since he created his patched hoodie, there wouldn't be any problem. He moved the shard in his hand toward one of his eyes, but then stopped. It would probably be wiser to take care of his other features before his eyes, after all, he needs them to see what he's doing. Logan would be proud of his reasoning, he thought. He dropped the shard on the floor and lazily moved toward his nightstand. He opened the drawer and took his precious pocket knife. He had used it on several occasions, but now it was for something serious. He needed to remove those hideous spider limbs.

He sat on his bed and gripped one of his limbs. Knife in hand, he approached it to the limb. He noticed he was shaking. How stupid, his body seemed to be scared, but what of? They couldn't die, he had the opportunity to witness it several times. He was the side of someone, he wasn't human or anything. Having a survival instinct was another stupid part of him, it was irrational. And that thought was enough to give him the strength to stab his limb.

The pocket knife was half planted in his limb. The pain was strong this time. A burning sensation went through his body. He restrained a scream that wanted to escape because of the pain, but only a whimper came out of his lips. He needed to be strong, he needed to do this, for him, but more importantly, for them. He ignored the sensation and pressed further on the knife, making it go through the limb. He was pretty much cutting through one of his arms, it took him a lot of will to continue stabbing himself. Blood was spilling everywhere on the floor, on the knife, on his arm. He only needed to move sideways to completely cut the limb. He had to use both of his hands on the knife to resist the urge to drop it. But he did it. He managed to cut one of his limbs. He fell forward from the pain and exhaustion that this task had caused. He was laid down in a pool of his own blood that was only growing with time passing. He was panting heavily on the floor, as if he was waiting for the unbearable pain on his back to cease. When it finally became bearable, he looked at the spider limb in his hand, and smiled. One down, only seven more to go, he thought. He cheered himself by thinking that the worst was behind him, that once the first one was down, it would only become easier from there. He couldn't be more far from the truth.

***

Meanwhile, the three sides were cuddling on the couch in the living room. Logan concluded from previous encounters with emotional distress that physical comfort was an efficient way to calm down Patton and Roman. It still took them a significant amount of time to calm down and be emotionally stable enough to start talking. Patton was the first to express what he felt.

- I feel horrible... On one hand, I'm terribly scared of spiders, that's pretty much a phobia at this point, but on the other hand, it wasn't just a spider, it was Virgil!

The moral trait tightens his grip around Logan's chest. Logan continued to play in his hair, trying to prevent him from having a crisis again. He tried to keep his voice low as he spoke, to keep the other side calm.

- According to Virgil's face, I'm positive scaring you wasn't his intention. You acted accordingly to your anxious patterns. Considering how important your phobia is toward spiders, a sudden exposition like this is sure to make you panic, or freak out if you prefer this term. It was an expected outcome logically speaking, you shouldn't blame yourself for your reaction.

Patton let a long and deep sigh escape his mouth.

- I feel like... I failed him... He just wanted to be accepted... I shouldn't have reacted like that, I regret so much...

On the other side of Logan, Roman was looking at the floor, clearly upset at himself.

- Don't take all the blame, Padre. I also played a part in this... I don't... I don't even understand why a drew out my sword...

Logan, with his other hand, stroke Roman's back, in an attempt to comfort him.

- The brain is programmed to categorize his surroundings, otherwise it would be impossible for it to take into consideration everything around us. Virgil had the characteristics that you associate with monsters. Thus, when your fight or flee instincts kicked in, you acted accordingly to your preconceptions and identified a threat. Don't be harsh on yourself, it's, unfortunately in this case, a normal process.

It was now Roman's turn to sigh deeply. He put his hands on his face and a growl of frustration came through them.

- I can't believe I did that... He looked so hurt...

Some minutes passed in silence, until Patton suddenly got up from the couch. The two other sides, startled, glared at him. The moral side had a determined look in his eyes.

- We NEED to apologize to him. Normal or not, our reactions surely hurt him deeply! It's not like he asked to have those features or something like that! It's Virgil, and we love Virgil, and we'll tell him we still love him! He's part of the family, and we'll go through this together, as a family or my name isn't Patton Sanders!

The determination is Patton's voice seemed to motivate the creative side. Roman also got up from the couch and stood next to the other side.

- Yes! Let's do it this instant! We wasted enough time crying and having an existential crisis on the couch! Follow me, my dear companions!

And like that, the three of them headed toward Virgil's room.

***

The three sides made their way to Virgil's room pretty quickly. As they arrived, Roman was the one to knock on the door.

- Hey, Virgil, do you have a minute? We would like to speak with you.

There was no answer from the other side of the room. Not a sound. Patton then tried to speak through the door to the anxious side.

- Hey, kiddo... You're probably mad right now... But we came to apologize! We're truly sorry for our reactions!... Please... Open the door so we can talk about it, all together!

Still no answer. Roman tried to put his ear against the door, trying to hear something, but he couldn't hear anything. Patton was getting uncomfortable.

- It's okay if you don't want to speak with us today, we can do it another day... Just, answer us so we know you're okay? Please?

His request was met with silence. Roman was getting worried. His voice was louder.

- Virgil! Please answer us! Or... Or... If we need to do make sure you're okay, I'll break your door down! Just tell us your okay, and we go.

Nothing. Roman looked at the two other sides, looking for approbation for what he was about to do. No one seemed against the idea. Roman asked the two sides to move backward and then threw himself against the door. It took him three times before the door finally broke. And when it finally did, the scene before him was unsettling. There was in front of him Virgil, no shirt on, unconscious on the floor, lay down on his chest, half of his body sinking in a pool of blood (his blood?!). There were eight weird shapes on his back, all covered in blood. They seemed, ripped, like as if they were missing some part. Roman couldn't move. He was horrified by what he was seeing. He couldn't move, every part of him refuse to listen to him. He wanted to flee, but his eyes couldn't look away from the bloodied body in front of him.

And then Patton screamed.

Behind Roman, the moral trait was looking at this sight, a horrified expression on his face. He couldn't believe what was in front of him. Logan was also stunned by this view. It took him a moment before moving.

- ROMAN! Get Patton out of here and grab the first aid kit in the bathroom!

Hearing his name screamed like that was like a wake-up call for him. He could feel the adrenaline going through his veins. Quickly, he grabbed Patton, even though he didn't want to be taken away, and threw him in his room, locking the door behind him. When he came back to Virgil's room with the first aid kit, Logan was next to Virgil, trying to stop his limbs from bleeding with his hands. Roman gave him the first aid kit and positioned himself next to the logical side.

- Alright, now what?! What can I do to help you?!

- Just stay there and hold the kit, it will help me access it better.

Roman acted accordingly. He wanted to do more, but didn't what he could even do.

***

With some time and bandages, Logan managed to stop Virgil's limbs from bleeding. When Virgil's situation became stable, he and Roman moved the anxious trait on his bed. He was still unconscious. Roman was still a little shaken, but he was way calmer than he initially was. Logan thought he was sufficiently emotionally stable to talk what probably happened.

- I theorize that, after his shock of yo... our negative reactions to his reveal, he must've have concluded that he needed to get rid of his spider parts, which led him to mutilate himself... The pain must've been too unbearable for him to handle and he fell unconscious... It's quite fascinating to see how powerful a mind can be and how far someone can go against his survival instincts...

Roman was staring at Logan with an offended look. He thought that last sentence wasn't appropriate after what just happened.

- Really? Fascination? In a moment like this?!

Logan cleared his throat and apologized.

- My excuses, you're right, this was inappropriate to say. Nonetheless, he'll need some time to recover from these wounds, they are really severe. If he was a real person, I'm not sure he would've survived.

Roman's eyes were now back on Virgil. He was right, all they could do now was wait.

***

Virgil stayed unconscious for an entire day. As he finally came back to himself, all he could feel was his entire body in pain, especially his back. His thoughts were still foggy and he didn't quite remember right away what had happened. He tried to sit down on his bed, but a shockwave of pain came through his body. He cursed loudly and lay down again. His curse alerted the side that had fallen asleep on the floor next to him. Patton woke up in an instant. The two sides stared at each other for a couple of seconds before tears started to fill the moral trait's eyes.

- VIRGIL IS AWAKE!

Patton opened his arms and tried to hug the anxious side. Unfortunately, it caused him some pain, which made Virgil curse again. Patton was quick to remove his arms and apologize.

- I'msosorryI'msosorry! I got a little overexcited! I'm so happy that you're finally awake!!

Tears were now flooding Patton's face. At first, Virgil felt uncomfortable, but then he remembered it all, all that had happened. What he felt first was shame. Then, Roman and Logan appeared in his room, both looking relieved to see him awake, which made him feel confused. The three sides were now next to his bed, kneeling to be at the same height as him. Roman was the first to speak.

- Welcome back my emo nightmare! We were afraid you wouldn't wake up! But I'm really glad we were wrong!

- ... Why?

Virgil had mumbled the word, not sure what kind of answer to expect. Their reactions seemed so weird to him. Weren't they disgusted by him? Was the fear he saw on their face only the product of his imagination? Why did they still care about him? He was so sure it would be impossible now that he had revealed his true self, he had convinced himself that they would never love him anymore, but here they were, worried about him. And then it hit him. He still had his spider eyes. Quickly he tried to hide them with his hands, afraid to be seen.

Slowly, Patton took his hands away and looked at him in the eyes before speaking.

- Virgil... We're so sorry for own we reacted earlier... well yesterday. The reveal was... unexpected. It never crossed our mind that you may also have animal parts like the others... And I must confess that spiders scare me a lot...

He tightens his grip against Virgil's hands before continuing to speak.

- But, you're not just a spider, you're Virgil. And I'm sorry for realizing that too late. I, but also everyone else in this room, care and love you deeply. We're deeply sorry for how we reacted, and we can assure you that from now on, you don't need to hide any part of you. We love you for who you are, all of you.

Roman was nodding next to Patton.

- This will never happen again, I want to personally apologize for unsheathing my sword at you. You are no monster, you are our precious anxious boi! And yes, as Patton said, I'm deeply sorry.

Virgil was stunned. He felt the panic that had started to grow inside him slowly fading away. He didn't know how to react to these apologizes, but they felt good. Now it was him that was crying, but this time, he was crying tears of joy.

Being truly accepted, that's all he had ever wanted.

3807 words

#sanders sides #fanfiction #platonic lamp #virgil sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #angst #spider

14 notes · View notes

smallblueandloud · 5 years ago

Text

on that bumpy road to love

summary: “And- you are?”

“I’m Eleanor,” she says, and holds her hand out. “I’m the Architect here.” The capital letter is obvious. “Welcome to the Good Place, Chidi.”

(or, five times someone in chidi's afterlife was a really big weirdo and he didn't know what to do about it)

relationships: chidi/eleanor, chidi & everyone in team cockroach (although he doesn’t know what that is, lol)

notes: the song to listen to is 'they can't take that away from me' (the sarah vaughan version), which i like to think was comforting to eleanor during the course of this fic. behind the scenes, obviously.

oh, man, this one took me a long time. i've had the idea for this fic since the season ended, and google drive says i created the doc in FEBRUARY, so uh, take from that what you will lol. i just really love the idea of outsider pov, and outsider pov + amnesia = the best tropes in existence.

check out the notes for the ao3 link! (which will include the italics as i wrote them instead of how i had to redo them for this post. i promise you, i’ll have missed some.) and feel free to like/reblog/leave the vaguest impression of happiness, like the faint notes of a flower’s fragrance on a summer’s breeze, on this post - i’m not picky. thanks for reading <3

1. Janet

Chidi opens his eyes.

He’s sitting on a couch, in a small, beige room. There are three notable things about where he is: a lot of potted plants, a door to his right, and big, friendly, green letters on the wall in front of him that read Everything is fine.

Yeah, right, he thinks, bracing himself for the usual anxiety spiral. The last thing he remembers, he was going to his friend’s wedding, and the fact that he’s here and not there means-

Nothing. It means nothing. It doesn’t matter that he’s at his friend’s wedding, because he’s here, and everything is fine.

Scratch that. There’s a fourth notable thing: the anxiety that has plagued Chidi his entire life is gone. There’s nothing - no butterflies in his stomach, no sweaty palms, not even an anxious rant directed at the plants. He doesn’t even have anxiety about his lack of anxiety.

He doesn’t know where he is. And he’s not panicking. He has to take advantage of this, immediately.

He’s sitting there, trying to memorize how it feels to just be without freaking out, when the door to his right opens. A blonde woman pokes her head out and looks straight at him.

(He doesn’t even feel the need to apologize for his presence. What’s wrong with him?)

“Chidi?” she asks, smiling. Chidi nods. She jerks her thumb behind her. “Come on in.”

As he follows her, he notices several things: a portrait of a white man who looks like a stoner on the wall, a bowl of paper clips in the corner, and the sheer normalcy of the blonde woman now sitting at the other side of the desk, which seems very out of place in this strange, anxiety-less set of rooms. What is going on?

He sits down in the only other chair (thank god for small mercies - no choices needed). Then he adjusts his position. Then he does it again.

“You okay there, buddy?” asks the woman, looking like she’s trying not to smile. Chidi laughs, sort of nervously, and realizes that the anxiety is back. Oh, great.

“When I opened my eyes, I felt really- uh- calm,” he says, hearing his voice get higher without knowing how to stop it. “And there was only one chair, so I didn’t think about- I didn’t have to- well, now the anxiety’s back? I don’t know how to-”

He can feel himself spiraling, so he takes a deep breath, drying his hands on his pants, and starts at the beginning.

“Uh. Where am I?”

The woman smiles, settling her hands onto the table in front of her, very carefully. “You, Chidi, have died.”

“Oh,” says Chidi, feeling unsurprised. That’s weird. Everything here is weird. Why is everything here weird?

“You’re now in the afterlife,” she says, and then frowns. “In the Good Place, that is.” She smiles again, and shoots him a thumbs up. “You made it! Good job!”

Chidi doesn’t know what to say to that, so his brain turns to the nearest thing to comment on in order to avoid processing. “They speak French in the afterlife?”

She laughs quickly, and for the first time he notices that she seems sort of nervous. “No, no, this place automatically translates whatever someone says into a language you’re comfortable in. I’m speaking English now.”

“Oh,” he says, nodding. And then: “And- you are?”

“I’m Eleanor,” she says, and holds her hand out. “I’m the Architect here.” The capital letter is obvious. “Welcome to the Good Place, Chidi.”

“...Thank you,” he says, shaking her hand, sort of awkwardly, because it’s just a little too close for him to stretch out his arm but far enough that he can’t really keep his elbow close, either. “I have- uh- a lot of questions? First, uh-”

Eleanor holds up a finger. “I’m gonna have to stop you there, buddy. I have a few more residents to get ready for, so I’m going to introduce you to Janet, and you can ask her all of those questions. She can also give you a tour of the neighborhood.”

Chidi nods, slowly. The Architect seems very competent, and he always does well around people who are good at their jobs. “Okay.” He stretches out the first syllable of the word and pats his thighs, the way he does when he’s starting to calm down, and that helps even more.

Eleanor smiles at him, seeming to understand that. “Great. Janet?”

A woman pops into existence right next to her. “Yes, Eleanor?”

“She- she just appeared,” says Chidi, tearing his eyes away from the woman in the purple dress. He’s not feeling relaxed anymore. In fact, he’s feeling dangerously close to having a full-out panic attack, and he doesn’t like that. “She just- appeared, out of nowhere? In plain sight? Is that even-”

“Remember, you’re in the afterlife, buddy?” asks Eleanor. For the first time, her calm demeanor is starting to really crack - her voice sounds panicked, and she reaches out a hand as if to touch his arm before pulling it back, quickly. “Chidi? Can you hear me?”

Chidi takes a deep breath, and then another one, and then chances a look at the strange, physics-defying woman. She smiles at him, calmly, and that helps. “Y- Yeah, I can hear you.”

“Good,” says Eleanor. “This is Janet. She’s not a resident, and she was never alive - she’s just here to answer any and all questions you have, about- Janet, what is your formal job description?”

“I am the source of all information and knowledge for humans within the Good Place,” says Janet, in a calm voice. Chidi’s shoulders relax. “I can also provide you with any object as requested.”

“Wow, your voice is really soothing,” says Chidi. Janet nods. “I am designed to be as helpful as possible to both the residents of this neighborhood and the Architect. To do that, I have a soothing voice and no real emotions, so I won’t judge you for whatever questions or requests you may have.”

“That’s- thank you,” says Chidi, and then he realizes he’s still leaning away from her, as if in self defense. He consciously moves back to the middle of his chair and smiles at her, apologetically. “Sorry, I’m still not- uh- over the whole appearing-disappearing thing. You just- show up? Out of nowhere?”

“Yep!” says Janet, smiling, but it’s smaller now. “Just say my name, and I’ll be there.” She glances at Eleanor, looking almost nervous - she must have simulated emotions, he realizes - and the Architect smiles at her, reassuring.

“Oh. Well. Thank you,” says Chidi.

“It’s my job,” says Janet, and takes a deep breath like she’s bracing herself for something. Which is weird, because he’d assume she doesn’t have to breathe. “Now, just for safety reasons, I have to do a little checkup on you.”

Before Chidi has time to consider what that might mean, she’s right next to him, and she’s asking questions faster than he can keep up.

“How are you feeling? Have you ever met anyone from Jacksonville? What’s the last thing you remember? Do you feel in any danger of spontaneously bursting into flames? Do you have a strong urge to drink almond milk? Does the name Shawn mean anything to you? What is the Time Knife? What-”

“Janet!” interrupts Eleanor. She mimes a cut it out gesture, looking worried. He doesn’t know why she’s bothering. He’s confused, but he’s not going to panic again over just some weird questions. “Tone it down, dude.”

“Sorry,” says Janet, and backs away, her face starting to crumple into tears. “I’m just so nervous about this experiment-”

“Janet!” says Eleanor, her voice getting more urgent. “Stop talking.” She turns back to Chidi, noticeably forcing a smile onto her face. “Why don’t you go explore the neighborhood, bud?”

He hesitates. It feels like something’s going wrong. Janet seems to be too emotionally volatile for someone with fake emotions. “Is everything okay?” asks Chidi, frowning. “Didn’t she say she doesn’t have emotions?”

“She doesn’t!” says Eleanor, louder than necessary. “I don’t know where you’re pulling this stuff out of, dude! Just- go explore the neighborhood - here’s a map, okay, bye!”

Chidi finds himself unceremoniously dumped back into the room that he woke up in. He spends a few seconds standing there, baffled, before noticing another door, opposite the one into Eleanor’s office.

Time to go exploring, I guess, he thinks, and tries not to think about his diagnosis of directional insanity. He glances back at the door, where he’s pretty sure he can hear raised voices belonging to both Eleanor and Janet. They sound upset, although he can’t imagine what about.

He can’t stop thinking about how weird Janet was just acting. If she’s only supposed to be pretending to have emotions, why was she pretending to have such weird ones?

And why is she yelling at Eleanor now? he thinks, and then shrugs. He’s in actual, literal heaven now. Maybe it’s time he started to accept that some things are out of his control.

Time to explore, he tells himself, and pushes open the door.

2. Tahani

Chidi has a tiny apartment in the middle of the neighborhood, and it’s kind of perfect. Which is weird, because determining a dream home involves a lot of choices that he knows he would never be able to make in a normal situation and-

He’s just grateful it seems to have showed up out of nowhere, with no conscious input from him. Eleanor really knows what she’s doing, and it’s comforting to have something nice for once without having to go through the anxiety beforehand.

Speaking of which: the usual anxiety seems to have calmed down. Significantly. It’s not absolutely gone, not the way it was when he woke up, but he’s able to make small choices with almost no freaking out. His theory is that since Janet created the whole neighborhood and everything in it, he doesn’t have to worry about repercussions like supporting the exploitation of workers in China or giving money to homophobic business owners.

He’s not sure, though - so he’d asked Janet what she thought the cause was, since she knows everything there is to know in the universe. But she apparently doesn’t know everything, because she’d stammered for a few seconds before saying that residents tend to keep their emotional state from their last few seconds and that he probably died perfectly at peace.

Which can’t be true. Chidi wasn’t at peace for a day in his life. Plus, he doesn’t even remember his death because traumatic memories hinder adjustment to the neighborhood. Eleanor had refused to go into any sort of detail, which only made him more sure that Janet’s theory was wrong.

He didn’t have to tell that to her, though. She’d winced as soon as she said it and changed the subject to meeting the other residents.

“I have a few that I think you’ll hit it off with,” she’d said, her voice sounding conspiratorial, before getting his permission to invite two people to his apartment: Jianyu, a Buddist monk who’s sticking with his vow of silence, and Tahani, a former British socialite who’s planning a welcome party in a few days.

“I’d host it tonight, but we still have two residents who haven’t arrived yet,” says Tahani, her gracious smile never wavering. She had ducked under his doorway with the same ever-present grace, but Chidi had gotten the distinct feeling that she was holding back several comments about how small his apartment was. “Isn’t that right, Eleanor?”

For some reason, Eleanor had tagged along. Chidi’s chalking it up to making sure no one starts off on the wrong foot.

“Huh- oh, yeah,” says Eleanor, studying the pictures on Chidi’s walls. “Where were these taken?”

“In my home city, in Senegal,” says Chidi. It’s weird that she doesn’t know about his decorations, given that she designed the whole neighborhood, including this ideal apartment. “That’s me and my parents. Why?”

“Oh- just curious,” she says, glancing at him, and goes straight back to staring at the wall. Tahani swats Eleanor’s arm, quickly, as if in reproach, and then looks back at him, her smile intact. Jianyu keeps grinning at her side. The monk had spent the first five minutes poking Tahani until she’d whispered something very fast and angry-sounding about pizza and he’d calmed down. “Please disregard her rudeness. I’d love for you to come to the party. It will just be a small get together, but formal dress, please-”

“Yes,” says Chidi, feeling slightly awkward. “Of course.”

“I’m so glad to see you arrived safely,” she says. How does she talk through a smile that big? “We were really quite concerned - strange circumstances surrounding your death, you know.”

“I... don’t, actually,” he says, slowly. “No one will tell me how I died.” He stops. “Do you... know... how I died, Tahani?”

She looks at him for a second, somehow looking like a very wealthy deer caught in headlights, before she laughs awkwardly and waves her hand dismissively. “No, of course not! How silly of you to think so. No, I only assumed- since, after all, Eleanor was so- well, anyways, it doesn’t matter much. You will come to the party?”

“Yeah,” says Chidi. He hesitates, but he has a bad feeling about the way that she just dodged his question, and anyway, it’s heaven, the anxiety is still at a low boil, and if Chidi can’t be a little rude here, where can he?

He takes the leap before he overthinks it. “Any other reason why you’re all in my apartment?”

“No!” says Tahani, brightly. She doesn’t seem terribly offended, just artificial. “We’re leaving now. Come along, Jianyu,” she says, grabbing him by the elbow. As Chidi watches, Jianyu gives him a wide smile and then bows slowly, before Tahani drags him out.

Eleanor doesn’t move.

“Uh- Eleanor?” he says. She doesn’t react. “Eleanor?” He reaches forward to tap her on the shoulder, and she jumps about a foot into the air. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she says, without turning around. Her voice sounds watery.

“Um. Eleanor. Do you... need anything?”

“What?”

“Tahani said there are still two residents who haven’t arrived yet,” he says. “Shouldn’t you be- I don’t know, preparing or something?”

“Right,” she says, turning around quickly. Her eyes are dry, which is slightly surprising for reasons he doesn’t understand. “Fork! You’re right. Oh, I gotta go,” she says, hurrying to the door. Right before she gets to it, though, she flips around to look at him. “Thanks for hosting us. I know Tahani can be a handful sometimes.”

“No- problem?” he says, curious despite himself, because it sounds like their Architect has known those two for much longer than a couple of hours. “How long have they been here?”

“Not long,” she says, and spins around just as quickly as she’d dodged his question. “Bye!”

Then she pulls the door open and disappears through before he can register what’s happening. It strikes him as odd, sure, but next to what just happened with Tahani - maybe not so strange.

I can’t believe I’m stuck with these weird people for the rest of time, Chidi thinks, and then, since there’s not much he can do about it, goes to see a man about some frozen yogurt.

3. Michael

“Ah, Chidi,” says Tahani, gliding over to him in a blue dress that could be described as a wedding cake, if a wedding cake could have an excellent sense of fashion and a British accent. “I’m so glad you could make it!”

“This place is huge,” he says in response. He’s kind of incapable of saying anything else. “I’m sorry, I’m just- your house is enormous.” It’s not that he’s jealous, it’s just that - he’s taught in lecture halls smaller than this foyer.

“Isn’t it just?” says Tahani, beaming. “Well, make yourself at home!” she says, patting his chest. And then she moves away, presumably to welcome someone else.

Easier said than done, he thinks, looking around. Tahani invited every resident to her welcome party, and it seems like all 322 of them have shown up. The decorations are exactly tasteful, all of the attire is appropriate, and the music is perfect. It reminds Chidi of one of the fundraising galas his university used to host, only actually appealing; he’d always hated them back then, but tonight, he wants to get to know the people he’s going to be spending eternity with. So he puts his best foot forward and walks in.

Except, pretty quickly, he gets stuck in a conversation with a woman named Helena, who seems perfectly nice but has been saying absolutely nothing for five minutes. Coincidentally, Chidi has been silently discarding his ideas of being social for four and a half minutes.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spots Eleanor and quickly makes his excuses, sending a silent thank you to- well, probably Janet, if anyone.

She jumps when he says hello from her left, and he sees that there’s an older white man on her right arm as she puts a hand on her chest and smiles at him.

“Sorry,” he says, smiling slightly. Don’t make me leave. “Didn’t realize you had a date.”

“Oh, no, it’s not like that,” says Eleanor, glancing at the man next to her, who looks like he’s just been handed a pin and a grenade, separately. “No, this is Michael. He’s- he’s my partner Architect. I’m the newbie and he’s the experienced one,” she says, laughing slightly. She nudges him. “Say hello to Chidi.” Her voice is gentle.

“Hello, Chidi,” says Michael, getting over himself enough to wave both of his (very large) hands awkwardly. “It’s very nice to meet you.” His smile seems strained.

He’s very tall, has glasses, and is wearing a grey suit with a black bow tie. The clear symptoms of anxiety he’s showing make him look very harmless. Chidi likes him instantly.

“I like your bowtie,” he says, trying to make conversation. Please don’t make me go back to Helena, he thinks, and immediately feels guilty.

“Thank you, Chidi. Although it is rather plain,” says Michael, and something in his voice eases the guilt. “But then again, we are mourning. Your deaths, that is!” His laugh is loud, but when neither Chidi nor Eleanor join him, it peters out quickly, before something else hits him and he raises his left hand like he’s a fictional lawyer about to present episode-changing evidence. “And it matches Eleanor’s dress, which itself perfectly illustrates the human concept of irony.”

Chidi glances at Eleanor’s completely black dress, which is sleeveless and has some sort of tie in front. He doesn’t recognize it at all. He also doesn’t get the joke, although Eleanor evidently does, because she hits Michael’s arm with the back of her hand, softly. “That’s not funny.”

“I guess not,” he says, his gaze settling on Chidi. They stand in silence for a minute, awkwardly, until Chidi manages to think of something to ask him. “How did you and Eleanor-”

Michael looks away from him, his gaze falling on something over Chidi’s shoulder. “Oh look, Janet needs our help!”

With that, he clamps his hand over Eleanor’s shoulder and rushes her away. Chidi turns, but can’t see any hint of their resident Google.

Consciously, he shrugs it off and looks away. His feelings aren’t especially hurt - if Michael needs to take a breather, Chidi understands more than most.

Anyway, even though he doesn’t know who the last two residents are, he feels like he should welcome them, and hopefully save them from any extended encounters with the very odd people who live here.

Maybe they’ll even be slightly interesting, he thinks, and that’s what finally gets him to square his shoulders and start to search.

4. Jianyu

A few hours later, Chidi’s taking a break from wandering around the party. Everyone here is really nice, but rather boring, or as in the case of the two new residents, sort of annoying, and he has a bad feeling that the majority of intellectuals didn’t actually manage to make the cut into the Good Place.

He leans against the wall, thinking about asking Janet about where Kant ended up, and hears voices - Eleanor and Tahani’s, to be specific. They’re standing outside, he supposes, and this wall just happens to be thin enough that he can hear what they’re talking about.

“Eleanor!” says Tahani. She sounds exasperated. Chidi’s never heard her show so much genuine emotion, and it’s surprising enough that he leans closer. Against his better judgement.

“What, Tahani? What do you have to say to me?” hisses Eleanor. “How can you possibly understand-”

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself!” Tahani interrupts, sounding imperfect and unsmiling and worried. “You can’t, darling. You can’t keep watching that godforsaken video from Michael every day-”

“I do what I want-”

“You’re torturing yourself-”

“Well then, I fit in just right, don’t I?” says Eleanor, her voice low, and even Chidi knows that sentence was meant to wound. “Look, you need to get the fork out of my life and let me take care of myself, ashhole. Capiche?”

There’s a moment or two of silence that certainly sounds very stunned.

“I’m your friend, Eleanor,” Tahani says eventually, her voice quiet. “I’m your friend, and even if I may not understand, I’m here for you. That’s how this works, right? How we become better?”

Eleanor doesn’t say anything.

“It’s what we owe to each other, even if we’re all hurting,” says Tahani. The words sound vaguely familiar and he’s not sure why. “You know that.”

Chidi hears nothing, and then sniffling, and then something that sounds like Eleanor swatting Tahani’s shoulder. “You’re such a bench.”

“You know I’m right,” Tahani says. Her British accent makes it sound arrogant, even though he figures she meant it teasingly.

How long has she been here, anyways? Because it sounds like they’re really close.

“Yeah,” says Eleanor, and her voice gets quieter. “I guess I do.”

There’s a long period of silence. Chidi’s leaning closer, trying to determine if they’re just whispering, when someone taps him on the shoulder.

“I’m not eave-” starts Chidi, whipping around, but it’s just Jianyu the monk, smiling at him very wide. He’d thought he’d heard something about a vow of silence, but apparently that wasn’t true, because Jianyu waves and says, “Hey, dude!”

“Hi,” says Chidi, hesitantly. Something about this guy strikes him as weird. “Look, this isn’t-”

“How do you like the pizza?” asks Jianyu. “I asked for Tahani to get it so you could have some.”

“It’s... good,” says Chidi, feeling very lost. “Uh- why?”

“I wasn’t sure you’d remember pizza,” says Jianyu, as if it’s obvious. “Because you don’t remember anything else. Like how you think my name’s Jianyu-”

“Jianyu! Hey, buddy,” says Eleanor, from behind him. Chidi jumps - he hadn’t even heard her coming. “Remember what we’ve talked about? About Chidi and the other residents? We don’t-”

“We don’t talk about the Judge, or Mindy, or Derek,” says Jianyu, making a face. Then he brightens. “Or about me and my girl J-”

“That’s good enough,” interrupts Eleanor. “Thank you, Jianyu, you can go mingle now.”

Jianyu doesn’t move. “This reminds me of that time when we were planning this surprise party for my friend Pillb-”

“Pilibuster,” interrupts Eleanor, reaching out and grabbing Jianyu’s upper arm, glancing back at Chidi. “It’s Irish. He was the foreign asphyxiate at Jianyu’s monastery.” She turns her eyes up towards the ceiling. “Janet, please help me out here.”

“Did you mean novitiate?” asks Chidi, but Eleanor ignores him in favor of Janet, who’s just appeared.

“What do you need, Eleanor?” she asks. Eleanor sighs, her shoulders barely relaxing. “Can you take Jianyu home, please? I think he’s had enough excitement for tonight.”

There’s a pause. Chidi almost says something, like Are you okay, Janet?, but she starts to speak.

“Sure thing,” says Janet, nodding more than seems necessary. “No problem. I can take Jianyu to his house. The house that I know the location of. Which I only know the location of because I am omnipotent, and know everything. No other reason.”

“Janet.”

“We’re leaving now,” says Janet, turning around quickly. “Goodnight, Chidi.”

Jianyu waves over his shoulder as he’s marched away, with much more enthusiasm than Chidi thinks the action really deserves. He watches them go, feeling totally baffled. “What just happened?”

Eleanor sighs. “Trust me, bud, you don’t want to know.”

5. Eleanor

“This is your house?” asks Chidi, walking inside. It’s his third month in the neighborhood, and this is the first time he’s ever visited Eleanor’s house. “This is your house?”

Eleanor makes her way to the kitchen, starting to put dishes away. “Yeah, I know.”

“You- but- you hate clowns!”

“Yeah,” says Eleanor, absent-mindedly. “It’s sort of an- an inside joke.”

“You live in an inside joke?”

“It’s- it’s really not a big deal, bud- Chidi.”

Chidi looks up from his examination of the corner of clown portraits, because Eleanor doesn’t stutter often. Sure enough, she’s stopped what she’s doing, the way that she always does when she stutters or hesitates or looks at him like he’s not who she’s expecting to be there.

“It’s- it’s a nice house,” he says, lamely, because he never knows what to do in these situations. He’s not even sure why he’s here - she’d asked him over yesterday, with zero explanation. He’s hoping it’s not because he’s teaching ethics to someone who definitely doesn’t belong in her perfect heavenly neighborhood.

“Thanks,” she says eventually, emerging from wherever she was. “If you don’t know what to say, I get the feeling. Michael designed it, and I don’t know what the fork he was thinking-”

“I’ve been meaning to ask you,” he interrupts. “Why do you keep saying fork?”

“Oh,” she says, looking down and blushing. Her smile is very pretty, although Chidi tend to try not to notice it, most of the time. “In the Good Place, not everyone appreciates cursing, so there’s sort of an automatic filter. I can’t say anything worse than hell. Fork. Bench. Ash. Shirt. And so on.”

“Makes sense,” he says, before realizing something that doesn’t. “You curse a lot for someone from a place that doesn’t approve of cursing.” If she’s an angel or whatever, shouldn’t she be as pure as the rest of them?

“What?” she asks, confused, looking up again. “Plenty of people- Oh, right. Yeah. I’m-” she stops, hesitating. “I’m not supposed to tell you this, but I’m not actually from here. I was human.”

“What?” he asks, frowning. He wasn’t expecting that. “How does- how does that work?”

“Well, I died, and through a really forking long series of events I became an architect,” she says, not really explaining anything. She does that a lot. “Michael sort of took me in. He’s not the main architect because- well- technically, they have to interact with the residents, and he’s not really- uh- good with people. So I got the short straw. And I’m trying my best! But I wasn’t really meant for this job.”

“Ah,” says Chidi. The anxiety in his chest is starting to get worse, and he has a bad feeling that a stomach ache’s on the way. He’s not up for this kind of constant lying. Eleanor’s done such a great job on this neighborhood (besides the obvious mistake), and he knows that things are harder than she likes to show. He doesn’t like lying to her about her life’s (actually, apparently, her death’s) work.

“You good, buddy?” asks Eleanor, probably noticing his expression. She’s finished with her dishes and is wiping her hands on a dishtowel. “What’s wrong?” She rounds the island and puts her hands on his shoulders, trying to help him sit.

“It’s just a stomach ache,” he says, silently apologizing to Kant as she gets him settled. Lying is immoral, he thinks, and then, Getting them caught would be worse. “I get those sometimes. It’s not a big deal.”

Eleanor stops and pulls back to look him in the eye. “You sure? You can’t lie to me, buster.”

“Yes!” says Chidi, louder than he was expecting, and then tries to backtrack. “I mean. Yeah. I’m fine. There’s nothing causing it, I don’t know why it’s suddenly coming on.” He looks up to smile at Eleanor and finds her looking up as her eyes unfocus, her brain a million miles away again.

“Uh- Eleanor?” he says, waving his hand slightly in front of her face. “You in there? It’s me, Chidi.”

She doesn’t react for a couple seconds, before suddenly starting to move again. “Yeah, I know,” she says suddenly, blinking rapidly as she backs away. “I know it’s you.”

He doesn’t say anything, because she’s looking at him like she doesn’t quite recognize him and he doesn’t want to make it worse. This odd behavior is getting more and more common, as time goes by, and he has no clue how he’s supposed to react. After a short while of silence, though, she seems to back down, sighing as her shoulders relax. “I’m sorry,” she says.

“It’s okay,” Chidi says, and is surprised to find that he means it. “Uh- so- what am I doing here, exactly?”

Eleanor stops, looking at him.

“I mean-” he says. “It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with you.” He curses himself, inwardly - she’s The Architect and you’re a dead moral philosophy professor and you’re lying to her about who’s not supposed to be here and-

“I know what you mean,” says Eleanor, giving him a small smile. “It’s not a big issue, really. I just wanted to apologize for all of the weird stuff that’s been happening.”

“You mean-?”

“The sinkhole, the giraffe stampede, that time that trash started falling out of the sky...” she says, counting them on her fingers. “I could go on. But I know you don’t deal well with uncertainty, and I know it’s been kind of- weird, here. So I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s okay,” says Chidi. “I know you’re doing your best, and this is your first neighborhood.”

“Yeah,” says Eleanor, looking at him like they’re friends. “No kidding. And- I know-”

And now she looks nervous.

“I know some people here have been acting weird around you, too.”

“That- that is a thing that’s been happening, yes,” says Chidi. “But that’s not your fault-”

“I know,” she interrupts, studying his face. “But I’m still sorry. I’ve been talking with them about it, and trust me, it’s not about you. Tahani’s been having some trouble with John- I don’t know if you’ve noticed-”

“I hadn’t, actually, but that’s reassuring,” says Chidi, smiling at her. She smiles back. “Anyway, I’ve spoken with everyone - including Janet - and things should be a little more normal, now. At least, as normal as things can be, in the afterlife.”

“Yeah,” he says. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” she says. “And- Chidi?”

“Yeah?”

She looks away from him. “I really am sorry.”

He’s lost. He hates feeling lost, but it seems to keep happening here. “About what?”

Eleanor sighs. “About everything.”

He stares at her, and she looks away, throwing her hands up. “Don’t look at me like that, dude! I’m doing my best here.”

“I don’t know what any of this means, Eleanor.”

“I know,” she says. “It’s okay. Things’ll make sense soon. Just a few more months.”

“...Eleanor, what does that mean?” She doesn’t say anything. “Eleanor, I don’t know what that means.”

She takes a deep breath. “I know.”

“Eleanor,” he says, hesitating - except that the answer to this question seems like it’ll solve every mysterious thing that’s happened to him, in the months that he’s been here. “Why is everyone being so weird?”

“It doesn’t matter,” she says, quietly, and then she smiles gently, like someone who’s about to beat you in a poker game and is waiting for you to spot the final clue. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

He glances at the clock and jumps. It’s five minutes until the ethics lesson Chidi holds in his apartment, and it takes him six to walk there.

“Yes! Sorry, Eleanor, I have to go-”

And he stops.

Does she know about the ethics lessons?

What else could she be talking about?

Chidi studies her face, quickly. She’s looking at him calmly, but there’s no way she can know about the lessons. Even if she is the Architect, and she knows everything that happens in the neighborhood.

Or, well. Hopefully not.

(And it’s not like he can do anything, if she does know. Best to try not to worry about it.)

“I have a- frozen yogurt date,” he says, slowly. “That’s where I have to go now.”

“Right,” says Eleanor, nodding and shaking her head at the same time. “Yes. Absolutely.”

“So I’ll be- going now,” he says. “To the frozen yogurt place.”

“Yep,” says Eleanor, and then she shoots him a thumbs up, smiling like they’re keeping a secret. “Go get ‘em, tiger.”

“Thanks,” he says, walking out and closing the door behind him. He stops, taking a deep breath. If she knows, she knows, and at least the conversation they just had makes some measure of sense. And if she doesn’t?

It’s just more proof that everyone here is completely insane.

#cheleanor #tgpfic #the good place #chidi anagonye #eleanor shellstrop #i've tried but i have NO clue how this fandom tags anything so... hopefully this works lol #i am SO ready to have this fic OUT of my life and my wips folder #sb and l writes #fic: on that bumpy road to love #chidi x eleanor #fic rec #and now i have to... reblog this with the ao3 link #ughhhhhh #why is tumblr so broken #anyways @ everyone who got this far: i love you and thank you for reading!!

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tiffersthenerdyficrecs · 6 years ago

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BakuDeku Pining Fics

(*) Indicates my most suggested reads.

Get on my level by Mikacrispy *

Rating: Explicit Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki & Kirishima Eijirou, Ashido Mina/Kirishima Eijirou, Jirou Kyouka/Kaminari Denki Characters: Class 1-A (My Hero Academia), Yoarashi Inasa, Hawks (My Hero Academia), Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku Additional Tags: Age Difference, Pro Hero Bakugou Katsuki, Adorable Midoriya Izuku, Canon-Typical Violence, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, POV Alternating, POV Bakugou Katsuki, POV Midoriya Izuku, Bakusquad (My Hero Academia), Dekusquad (My Hero Academia), Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Intern Midoriya Izuku Summary:Bakugou Katsuki is a Pro Hero whose boss demands him to take an intern.

Midoriya Izuku is a UA student who needs an internship.

When the two of them are put together, they learn about what it truly means to be a Hero and what it means to be in love.

What The Fuck Did You Just Call Me? by reading_raindrop

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Kirishima Eijirou, Kaminari Denki, Uraraka Ochako, Ashido Mina, Mineta Minoru, Todoroki Shouto, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead Additional Tags: Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Bakugou Katsuki is Bad at Feelings, My First AO3 Post, Oblivious Midoriya Izuku, Oblivious Bakugou Katsuki, Two oblivious dorks, Mutual Pining, katsuki’s POV mostly, Fluff, Teensy teensy bit angsty I guess Summary: “A-ah B-Bakugou! You dropped some pencils!”

Katsuki stiffened. Kirishima and Kaminari froze. Basically, everyone within earshot stopped what they were doing to look at Izuku like he sprouted a second head. What did he just call him? “What the fuck did you just say to me?”

Katsuki whipped his head towards Izuku with his signature death glare as he stood up from where he picked up the fallen supplies.

“U-um I said you dropped some pencils! I think this eraser might be yours to-”

“No. What the fuck did you just call me?”

Izuku starts calling him Bakugou and it pisses the explosive teen off a lot more than he thought it would

Boom, Badoom, Boom by warschach

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - High School, Kissing Booths, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Kissing, or Katsuki is into Izuku Midoriya and is equally bad with romance, this is gross gross fluff i'm sorry, this is supposed to be set in late 90s and early 2000s Summary:Izuku's working the kissing booth at the school fair, it just so happens Katsuki has been crushing on him since the first grade.

“Did you—“ Izuku parted his mouth with no sound leaving it, “Did you pay?”

“Yea.”

“For a kiss?”

Big Protein by Mysecretfanmoments

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Kaminari Denki, Ashido Mina, Uraraka Ochako, Todoroki Shouto, Kirishima Eijirou, Iida Tenya Additional Tags: Bakugou trying so hard to be a winner he's kind of a loser, Pervert Deku, Repressed Bakugou, Bakugou Katsuki is Bad at Feelings, Characters Are Pro Heroes (My Hero Academia), Aged-Up Character(s), sexual awakening, awkward sexual encounters, Mutual Pining, Big Virgin Energy Summary: Bakugou Katsuki has a thriving hero career, an agent to manage his famous attitude, and absolutely zero romantic interest in anyone. With the exception of his favourite health food joint refusing to expand to his city, his life is pretty damn perfect—so why does a viral video revealing Deku's stash of dirty mags involving him and Deku together turn everything upside-down? OR: The story of a man's random embarrassing collection.

I Miss the Music by InkspillsNotebook(Updating/Incomplete)

Rating: Explicit Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki & Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Bakusquad - Character Additional Tags: Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Rockstar AU, Slow Burn, Life goals, music industry, Social Media, fans shipping, hidden crushes, Angst, Fluff, Sexual Tension, small living spaces, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Death Threats, shit gets heavy in some chapters just a warningi will let ya'll know in the notes at the beginning of specific chapters I promise Summary: Inspired by the prompt by pennyforyourotp on tumblr of 'You're a really famous actor/musician and I'm your childhood friend that shows up a lot on your Instagram/Twitter/Snapchat and people have started shipping us which is really bad for my crush on you that I've been trying to hide'

Founder of the number one band 'Ground Zero' and lead guitarist, Katsuki Bakugou, takes a vacation before an upcoming tour. Upon returning home, he strives to convince childhood friend, and secret love interest, Izuku Midoriya, to abandon his internship hunt and come on tour with him to once more be apart of each others lives, and write music together again.

Saccharine Shit by katrucci(Updating/Incomplete)

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Uraraka Ochako, Kirishima Eijirou Additional Tags: Rating May Change, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Pro Heroes (My Hero Academia), Pro Hero Bakugou Katuski, Pro Hero Midoriya Izuku, Future Fic, kacchako friendship is pure, kacchan runs a pro hero agency, Late Night Conversations, Drunkenness, Fluff and Angst, Christmas, Denial, Pining, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Murder Mystery, Crime Fighting, Organized Crime Summary: "'Ground Zero Pro Hero Agency'? Kacchan, is that really the name of your agency?"

Katsuki narrowed his eyes. "Yeah. What's it to you?"

Izuku flipped over the pamphlet this way and that, then laughed. "Nothing. It's just... weird. Unexpected. I thought you'd go with 'Explodo-fucking-kill Your Villains' or something."

"Fuck off."

Years after they'd each gone their own ways, All Might's return to Japan as a UA guest speaker sends shockwaves through the Pro Hero community. It brings back old memories, regrets, and, strangely, a familiar green-haired freckleface to the doorsteps of Katsuki's apartment on a wintry Wednesday night.

Hummingbird Heartbeat by Tokiji *(Updating/Incomplete)

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Midoriya Inko, Todoroki Shouto, Class 1-A (My Hero Academia), Ashido Mina, Kaminari Denki, Sero Hanta, Kirishima Eijirou1 Additional Tags: Near Death Experience, hospital visits, Angst, Fluff, Heartbeats, Bakugou literally needs to feel Deku's heartbeat to calm down, Trauma, Slow Burn, poor bakugou, Clingy, Hugs, lots of hugs, Eventual Sex, Bakusquad, Protective bakugou, Pining Bakugou, Nightmares, mental health Summary: “The knife went through his fucking chest, Kirishima.” Katsuki spat his name into his face, mouth twisting into a vicious snarl, teeth and all. “You know that's where his heart is, right? And his fucking lungs? All the vital shit?”

Kirishima blanched. “I-I know, I just meant—”

“What, you mean to tell me that your stupid fuckin’ ass is so ignorant to forget that he lost a shit ton of blood, hah?! Yeah, it was a flippin’ knife wound, oh hoo-ray, but look at the nerd now! He’s fucking dying because of it!”

The Art of Indifference by qye(Updating/Incomplete)

Rating: Not Rated Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku, Kirishima Eijirou/Todoroki Shouto Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Class 1-A (My Hero Academia) Additional Tags: Future Fic, Aged up characters, Bakugou needs to calm down, Midoriya is (understandably) salty, Language, Because its Kacchan, Minor Original Character(s), BAMF Midoriya Izuku, Oblivious Bakugou, wing man kirishima, Redemption, Slow Burn, Enemies to Friends, Delusions, bakugou is bad at emotions, Angst, Revelations, Pining, Protective Todoroki Shouto, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, mature adults do adult stuff like apologizing, chap 1+2 suck but hey i promise it gets better, the todokiri snuck up on me, guys when I say slow burn I mean slow ass burn Summary: Bakugou is used to being the center of attention- be it anger, confussion, or fear (mostly fear) everyone always gives him a reaction.

Until all the sudden, Deku doesn't.

What a fucking asshole.

warm hands by flowercafe(Updating/Incomplete)

Rating: Mature Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Class 1-A (My Hero Academia) Additional Tags: 5+1 Things, Mutual Pining, Getting Together, Developing Relationship, soft makeouts, Fluff, Light Angst, Healing, Forgiveness, but also a LOT of competitive ribbing and banter, rating only reflects the last chapter, First Time, Rivals to Lovers, tactile katsuki, izuku's got achy joints bc of his tendons, Massages Summary: "Your hands are so soft," he blurts.

Katsuki gives his fingers a threatening squeeze. "What the hell, Deku? Are you sayin' there's a problem with having soft hands, hah?"

Izuku never thought that Bakugou Katsuki, of all people, would willingly give him a hand massage. But here they are, sitting knee to knee, with his fingers lying innocently in those explosive palms.

a 5+1 featuring copious amounts of massaging, a dollop of mutual pining, many ridiculous competitions, Izuku’s achy joints, and one very tactile Katsuki.

The Devil Ships ZeKu by xairylle *(Updating/Incomplete)

Rating: Explicit Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Izuku & Todoroki Shouto Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Ashido Mina, Kaminari Denki, Todoroki Shouto, Iida Tenya, Uraraka Ochako, Toogata Mirio, Shinsou Hitoshi Additional Tags: character finds fic of themselves, Future Fic, pro heroes, Hero Deku, hero ground zero, Smut, Masturbation, Ecchi, Lemon, how the FUcK do i tag this, bakudeku, KatsuDeku, Fic within a Fic, Pining, Mutual Pining, Pining Midoriya Izuku, Pining Bakugou Katsuki, Bakugou Katsuki is Bad at Feelings, Jealousy, Slow Burn, kinda satire, there's a mix of genres in the fic within a fic, AUTHOR CHOSE NOT TO USE ARCHIVE WARNINGS, Secondhand embarrassment Summary: Midoriya Izuku knew what fanfiction was. He just didn't think there was something like THIS out there. About him and Kacchan no less.

Hero & Zero by GreyDayMoon(Updating/Incomplete

Rating: Not Rated Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Iida Tenya, Hatsume Mei, Todoroki Shouto Additional Tags: Quirkless Midoriya Izuku, Hero Bakugou Katsuki, Pining, Fanboy Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki is Bad at Feelings, Dudes I cant stop writing AUs, I'm Sorry, Midoriya Izuku Does Not Go to U.A. High School, idk what this is, Enjoy 4 now, Might expand on later, Protective Bakugou Katsuki, Possessive Bakugou Katsuki, ? I guess? Summary: Bakugou was the number one hero, surrounded by fans, and loaded with fame and fortune. So why would he care if a boy from his childhood still watched him from the edge of crowds? He wouldn't give a shit about Deku who would? Who would even be looking for that stupid messy green hair?

Except maybe he would. >

To Stand by your Side by aeronines *

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Utsushimi Camie, Yaoyorozu Momo, Uraraka Ochako, Kirishima Eijirou, Todoroki Shouto Additional Tags: High School Bakugou/Pro Hero Deku, age gap, Eventual Smut, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Canon-Typical Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, wet dreams, Oral Sex, eventual happy and healthy ending, Masturbation, Sex Toys, Background Relationships, theyre both horny little shits, this is a story of recovery, Hurt/Comfort, The power of friendship, only underage if u consider teenage masturbation and unsolicited wet dreams underage, Secret Relationship, two dumbasses figuring shit out along the way, no minor/adult sex but some highly consensual feeling up Summary: One student, one hero, and a whole lotta pining

Or, the High School Bakugou/Pro Hero Deku slow burn I need in my life

Spicy Ramen by RoboticSpaceCase

Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku, Minor or Background Relationship(s) Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Todoroki Shouto, Shinsou Hitoshi, Uraraka Ochako, League of Villains (My Hero Academia) Additional Tags: Villain Midoriya Izuku, kind of lol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Minor Character Death, Undercover Work, Stakeout work, Bakugou Katsuki is Bad at Feelings, Business Owner Deku, Quirkless Midoriya Izuku, Morally Gray Deku, He's like half villain half "doesn't care" lol Summary: Pro Hero Ground Zero has better things to do than going on stakeouts for the cops, but when his somewhat friendly detective contact asks him to go undercover to find some major villain activity, Bakugou can't help but say yes. It was part of the whole hero gig, after all. He just wished the job didn't require sitting with quirkless, annoying Deku.

#bakudeku #bkdk #midoriya x bakugou #bakugou x midoriya #katsuki bakugou #midoriya izuku #my hero academia #mha #boku no hero academia #bnha #fanfic #fanfiction #fic rec #pining

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ur-mom-kayn · 6 years ago

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Loyalty Chapter 11: Deflection

Kayn Pov

After an embarrassing conversation, they lay in silence, chest to chest in bed. The mood was oppressive. Kayn could not deny it, he wanted his Master just like last night permanently. But he could do that with confidence. Zed has drawn a clear line. Kayn will probably be forever his son, but he wanted more. The thought of never being able to kiss him again drove him mad. He had to distance himself. Even if it was just a shower. Kayn tried to sit up but had to grab his head again immediately. The alcohol really set him on fire. So that's what people called a hangover.

"Hey, are you all right?" "Yeah, I think so. I'm just a little bit dizzy. But hopefully that will stop, right?" Zed sat upright and stroked Kayn's hair. "Sure, you idiot. Why do you also drink like a madman if you have not eaten a gram before? So, really, you're such a beginner." So, actually, he only drank because ... well, he wanted to make Zed drunk and ... now his plan was halfway up. It only worked for one night, but nobody could take that kiss anymore. "Hmm ... I'll forget about it. Well, that's not so bad. But I'm not the only idiot. I think hardly anyone comes to breakfast today." "Yes, the thesis is really not far-fetched. My skull is humming too. Do you want to go eat something?"

"No. Well, yes, but I want to take a shower first. I feel very dirty. Are you feeling the same way?" Zed shot him a look because he really could not arrange. A mixture of horror and amazement. "Uh yeah ... I feel 'dirty' you joke." "Ah, come on. The kiss really could not have been so bad. " Kayn had already scratched a bit. "I never said that. Qualitatively, it was better than most I have had with women so far. You are really a natural talent, but you still remain my son and a man too. So please do not get me wrong. I play in the other team." That was clear. He plays the son card again. It puked him already. When would he finally lose this stamp? If he is 18 or 21 or maybe only if he is 50 years old? Kayn went out of his way to look and act like a grown-up. And yet he remained a child in Zed's eyes.

"Thanks ...", he returned with little motivation. "I am gonna take a shower now. See you later, Master." " Okay, my boy. " He needed a few minutes to rearrange the situation. Slightly wobbly on his feet, he approached a wall so he could float through the walls with the Shadow Step. At least that worked out smoothly. In his room, he threw himself without detours in his shower. The real reason for his flight was one floor down. A morning wood was normal, but that thing was bigger than anything else before. It would not have been that bad if they had not had that moment last night.

There was not much needed to release the pressure. A quick thought on Zed's soft lips was enough. But he was not really satisfied. It was not right for Zed to demand that he return his feelings. His master was right. A relationship between them would be fundamentally wrong. Maybe Kayn was not in love. It could just be a simple teen beating. Everything within the bounds of possibility. It would be best if he nipped those feelings in the bud before it gets too late.

In general, the shower did him good. With half-wet hair tied in the bun, he entered the dining room. On his place, Zed was already waiting for him. As expected, hardly anyone was present and those who were there looked anything but healthy. Kayn ignored most of the corpses and sat down next to Zed, who re-established his cabin in the right place. "And how was the shower?" "Ah soothing. My head does not cause any problems at all." "I'm glad. Nevertheless, you should now properly hit." Kayn nodded and took that as a permission to eat. Even the small amount at the table dined with them. Out of the 30 men, only 8 were present. Most of them were probably in a drunken coma But they did not let that bother them.

Zed Pov

It was strange to pretend that nothing had happened between them. Kayn looked like he did not care, but he saw in his eyes that he was bitterly disappointed. The kiss came from him. That had to mean something. He could not just say that it was just 'fun'. Kayn hid something from him. It was not good to suppress that, but it would be even worse if Kayn candidly and honestly confessed his feelings to him. Zed was not ready for that and he probably will never be. The only way was to take Kayn on another trip. Zed just could not become his 'first big love'.

"Hey Kayn, would you like to go on a mission with me? I heard you were waiting for me." "Yes, Master. With pleasure. I had such a promise in mind, that you would like to kill with me together when I'm old enough." Kayn could be really cute with his loyalty. Zed knew how keen he was to finally kill someone again. He was born for that, and yet he waited for his Master to return. "Well then let's get started today. Who is responsible for missions?" "Ask Nakuri best. Haru seems to be in the drunken comma." "Interesting. You chose the strategists for this job. Not bad my boy. So Nakuri, would you have an assignment for us?" Nakuri choked briefly when he was approached. "Uhm yes. There is one that I could not convey because it was too heavy. So basically we did without missions that could endanger the health of our men. That's why we did not have to take any losses last year." "Good job. But for Kayn and me, there is nothing too hard. So give us the mission." Even though he did not know Kayn's progress, he knew he was ready for anything. He would never disappoint his master.

After eating, Nakuri gave him the documentation for the mission. The goal was to kill a whole clan of assassins. They were a plague for Ionia. They slaughtered innocent peasants to ensure their survival. Plundered houses and robbed weak villagers. According to testimony, these guys should be better than ordinary robbers. They were silent and precise in what they did. Understandable that people were afraid, but for the Order of Shadow that should be easy. Two men are enough. And two of the best kind.

Kayn was in his room getting ready. They made an appointment in front of the temple in 10 minutes. There he met again a half-naked Kayn. What was wrong with the boy? "I thought you were going to get dressed and not undress." "What's wrong with my outfit? I have pants on." "How about more armor?" Kayn laughed and started moving. "I do not need armor. I'm so fast that nobody will catch me. Trust me. The less I have, the faster I travel. That's my strength, so do not put your shirt in it." The boy was just incorrigible, but be that as it may. As long as he fulfilled his task, he should be right.

At their hiding place, Kayn scouted out the number of their opponents. In total, there were 35 opponents. Ten were smeared and inside the building were 25. Everything within the possible. "Kayn, can you become a Shadow Assassin outside the temple?" "Yes. But only for 10 min. Then I would need the chest again." "That's enough. How long do you have to meditate?" "Maybe 5 min?" Zed nodded to him and gave him the time. It was a lot easier when he used the mold. Kayn sat cross-legged on the wet forest floor, holding his hand in front of his face with two outstretched fingers, concentrating on his breathing.

His appearance changed abruptly. His hair became a shadow and could not be held by a mere hair tie. His marks appeared all over his body. When he opened his eyes, they shone in light blue. "Go on, master. I do not have much time left." Kayn pulled out a blade and stormed at his opponents in the Shadow Step. Zed really stayed away from the spit when he saw how incredibly fast his boy was moving. Before Zed even arrived, there were already 7 bodies on the ground. "Leave me something, too," Zed mocked him. "Sry, master. For me, it's a race against time." Unfortunately, he was right. Zed took over the remaining three before storming into the building. Kayn used the walls and Zed threw out his shadows. Together they fought each other through.

Zed really did not need to worry about Kayn. Every time someone tried to attack him, he threw a knife at him and used the umbral trespass. By now he perfected this technique. His timing was always to the point, so he got no damage. He was very proud of him. Kayn was better than his imagination. He literally slipped through his opponents. He murdered with an unusual elegance. He just wanted to see him. But that would not be in the sense of a master. He stood by his side, although his help was superfluous. Kayn struggled on a similar level to Zed himself. Almost scary.

When Kayns time was up, there was only one opponent, because Zed liked to take over with Deathmark. "Tch. Master, I could have taken over in my normal form. Really." "Do I believe you Kayn, but maybe I also wanted to kill someone? Of 35, you have just left 11 to me. That is uncool. I thought we were partners and would share the loot." "Next time Master," Kayn said, banding his hair with a scrunchy. On the way out, he braided his hair relaxed. "You enjoy it, that they became a shadow." " My hair is just so soft and supple. The perfect conditioner." Zed laughed out loud. No one else was present except them. Then you could also joke.

"Hey, do you feel like celebrating the day with me in a bar to go and maybe a woman?" "Master your serious? I have no experience with women." That was no obstacle. He could kiss already. Unfortunately, Zed knew that first-hand. The rest comes on its own. "Of course you did not have a wife in bed yet. But you have to learn that too. That's part of being a man. I can help you to make it clear. Even though I believe that your face will be perfectly adequate to weaken every woman. Now do not pretend. I had not had sex for over a year. I really need it and you too." Kayn took a deep breath and gave in. "According to me."

Kayn Pov

Zed really came up with the stupidest things. How can he think, that Kayn now needed a wife? It was more than obvious that he was on Zed. But maybe that's exactly what he did. His master wanted to distract him and show him the opposite sex. So it might be. Then he played with and who knows. Eventually, he would get Zed out of his head.

In the nearest village, they sat down in a tavern and looked for prey. Before that Zed took off his mask and presented himself from his best side. It was not long in coming and two true beauties, dressed in kimono, approached the two assassins. One had incredibly beautiful, long, wavy, brown hair with wonderful cheekbones. The other woman had straight, red hair and a really great stem. If he could decide, he would take both.

"Hey, you two sweethearts. Let us take our seats." Zed nodded to the redhead. They sat at the bar counter, so the redhead took the stool next to Zed and the other sat down next to Kayn. "Well, what's your name?" The redhead asked again. "My name is Zuko and my friend here is Shieda. And you pretty?" Both women played on their strands and felt flattered by Zed. "I am Yuna and my friend is Kyoko," the redhead replied. "So Yuna and Kyoko, should we invite you for a drink?" The girls nodded and Zed brought the barkeeper.

Everybody got a jug of beer in front of his nose a short time later. Kayn had been fed up with this drink since yesterday, but heck. Kyoko looked very hot. Even for him, who only had a look for Zed. As good as possible, he just tried to keep her eye contact. "Tell Shieda, what's a trained guy like you doing by profession?" "Hehe, ask my boss," he replied, pointing his finger at Zed. "Ah Zuko, you are his boss? But look pretty young for a boss. ", Yuna stated. "I'm older than I look and my boyfriend is younger than his looks. Anyway, our job is secret and not relevant. But yes, we train our bodies for the ladies." Kayn was amazed at how easy it was for him to invent lies in no time. He did not know this page from Zed. He was extremely charming, but still he.

"Alright, I realize. You're just looking for a quick number." Kyoko replied. That was not good. If he does nothing, then ... "You're absolutely right. We're all about meaningless sex." Kayn wanted to slap him. How could Zed be so bold? So you could not handle a woman. Against Kayn's expectations, the women did not throw their drink on the two but rather threw themselves around their neck. Kyoko kissed Kayn's neck to his ear and whispered to him. "Let's have fun then. I do not live far from here." "Then please take care of him. He does not have much experience with women yet.", Zed answered from the side. "Hm ... I do not think so. Such a handsome man cannot be alone for long." She grabbed Kayn by the right hand and pulled him out of the bar. The young acolyte followed to her home.

Once there, she did not wait long until she pushed Kayn onto her bed and slowly undressed in front of him. The bride knew how to play with her charms. After stripping down to her underwear, she tried to remove Kayn's pants. Impossible if he still had his shoes on. When she wanted to remove this, a blood-smeared knife fell out. "Shieda? Why do you have that in your boot? Who are you? Please be honest." "I'm sorry, dear. I forgot that I am on duty. I'm really an assassin, but you do not have to be afraid of me. I do not kill arbitrarily. Only for money."

Kyoko seemed to struggle with herself. Kayn got up, put a hand around her chin and kissed her. It was a gentle, loving kiss. "Hey, sweetheart. I would never hurt you. I am a good boy. Trust me." "W-when did you kill?" "Earlier? It was such a weird clan of assassins who were up to no good in the area. Do not ask me how they were called. I have no idea. Please do not tell my friend that I told you. I am a bad liar. "

"Y-y-you killed those men?" Kayn nodded. After that, Kyoko clung to him. A few tears fell on his bare skin. "What is love?" "T-Thank you ... These men killed my dad a few months ago. I can not believe it. Are they all dead?" "Sure. I'm very thorough." "Good. You will be rewarded for that. Come. Lie down. But before you take off your pants. I do not understand your belt anyway." Kayn got rid of his clothes and lay down on the bed. The beautiful brunette sat on Kayn's cock and massaged him with her plump ass. Meanwhile, she moved her torso like a goddess. She was wonderful. But ... nothing happened to him. "All right, Shieda?" "Yeah ... I just need something."

Kyoko lay down on his chest and searched his lips. Even the kissing brought nothing. She was not Zed. But when his master came to mind again, it suddenly worked. He felt him slowly getting stiffer. "That's how you like me more. Ready for the condom?" "What's that?" Incredulous, she stared at Kayn. "Are you serious? Do you live in a temple of abstinence or something?" "Well ... I live in a temple, but we do not have women there. Therefore, I have no idea. I know how sex works in theory, but that's new to me." "All right, Shieda. A condom is a contraceptive. You put this over your cock, so you do not impregnate me. Understood?" Kayn took note, as did the contraceptive. But how to put it on was still a mystery to him. Kyoko became impatient and took the matter into his own hands. "Let me guess. It's your first time, is not it?" "Exactly." Kayn could not shake the feeling that he had a very experienced woman in front of him.

"Well, it fits perfectly. Should I start or do you want to be more dominant?" Kayn did not say that twice. He grabbed her by the waist and threw her on the mattress. Now he lay over her and did not flicker around much longer. He had no time to prepare her. His appearance had to be enough to make her horny. He needed the pictures of last night.No matter how awesome she was, how pretty tight she became, only the image of Zed helped him inside. But it felt good. Kayn focused only on himself and increased his pace. That Kyoko groaned her soul, he did not care. Then should she come twice. Kayn needed his time. He wanted to enjoy the sex to the fullest. It was 1000 times better than masturbation. When he stood just before the cliff, he gave everything again. Silently his lips formed the name 'Zed' before he finally came. A few seconds later he lay down next to his bedfellow. "Wow. Sure, that was your first time?" "Yeah ...?" "Hm ... interesting. You were like an animal. In addition, you have an incredible body control. How come?" The most obvious version would be to say that the reason was training. But even Kayn understood over time that much more belonged to it. "I meditate a lot." "So you really live in a temple. Very fascinating. I wish you good luck. I hope you never have to kill me. "Kayn smiled. "I doubt that strongly. I only take care of the really big fishes. Besides, I would not kill such a daintily woman like you." Kyoko turned to Kayn and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you, sweetheart. Incidentally, you can pull off the condom and throw it in the bin." "Good to know. And I thought I had to wear it forever." "Very funny."

Kayn got up and removed the annoying part. He freshened up in the bathroom before putting his clothes back on. "Are you going now?" Kyoko asked. "Sorry dear, but the duty calls." Kayn gave her a kiss on the forehead. He did not mourn her. She was his first, but he was sure that many more would follow her. But there was only room for one person in his heart. And that's Zed.

..........................................

I'm not sure if this is NSFW or not. If someone got more experience with the rules, pls write to me. This time I will not put it NSFW because it was way too soft. Thank you for reading and for the hearts <3

#kayn #zed #kayn x zed #zed x kayn #zeyn #fanfic

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silver-spider-art · 7 years ago

Text

Okay... so I had horrible writer's block and couldn’t work on the other projects I had going so I decided to make this self-indulgent AU that no one asked for. All because I had a really good idea for Rhys and the other story is a Tim story. I’m going to actually try and finish the whole thing before posting it to AO3 for once, but I thought I’d put a teaser up? Maybe if someone is interested in being a sounding block for ideas hmu. I love talking this stuff out with fellow fans. ^^;;

It's going to be a modern AU (slightly future tech), domestic, assassins/spies, transgender coming out story, autistic characters (POV who doesn’t know he’s autistic yet), fake marriage, pinning, slow burn, awkward flirting, secrets and betrayals, faked deaths, misunderstanding... basically just all the shit I love combined with a stupidly personal exploration of my own identity issues. I’m by no means an expert but the aspects relating to autism and transmasculinity are based on my own experiences and research. I say this because they both will play major roles in later plot points. I have everything but the ending plotted out.

This will eventually include Rhack (fake marriage), Rhysothy (pinning), Rhysha (pinning), Okay Dad Jack, Trans!Tim, Trans!Rhys, Atlas!Rhys, Dark!Rhys, autistic teenage Angel, side characters or cameos from most the rest of Tales, BL1, BL2, and the PreSequel

Anyway... for your interest:

a teaser that is 4k words >_>

tw for death, blood, and dubious morals

featuring Rhys, Zer0, and Sasha

(the title comes from The Village by Wrabel)

unbetaed, edited while tired

Written In Blood

Ch 0.5 (there's something wrong with)

Rhys really did love his work on days like these. It certainly wasn't what his parents had wanted for him when they'd dreamed up the future plans for their rosy-cheeked child. Hell, it wasn't even what he'd wanted for himself when he'd gone off to college to get his double major in business and computer science. Back then, fresh-faced and full of hope and ambition, Rhys had dreamed of owning his own company. He’d practiced inspiring speeches into the mirror and designed business cards for his future company, dreaming of tech mobiles or ambitious startups in Silicon Valley. So full of boundless ambition and idealistic dreams. Even as the reality of it had set in, unpaid internships and a soul-crushing entry position in one of the big five, he’d still longed for more. That one day, if he worked hard enough, he’d be the one making decisions in the huge cushy corner office with a view over the entire city instead of filing meaningless paperwork… or getting his boss coffee… or fending off lewd sexual advances…

But life tended to take strange turns. Back in those days, this had been one of the companies he’d applied to. In another life, he could be on his way to one of the many cubicles right now. Funny, how life goes.

Leaning back against the elevator wall, Rhys inspected himself in the mirrored surface, smoothing back a few stray strands of auburn hair that had escaped the expensive product holding it all into styled perfection. Sharp and dangerous, if he said so himself. And he did. Rhys didn’t care what Yvette said, he looked cool. His charcoal suit fit like a glove, all long lines and tailored seams, making his already long legs even longer. Heeled boots pushed him just over six feet and frankly made his ass look great. Carefully he adjusted his skinny tie (which was also very in style, thank you very much Yvette), focusing on maneuvering his prosthetic arm through the sensors attached to his chest and shoulder. The best money could buy and it had been worth every penny. None of the other arms he'd ever owned could come close to matching its fine motor control and while some were put off by the obvious robotical nature of it, Rhys reveled in it. It was more than human. A symbol of how he was rising above the limitations of his own body. Function and beauty in one. Exactly the aesthetic he was striving for. Unlike his left eye which was entirely cosmetic. A vanity purchase his *supposed* best friends still mocked him for. The iris of the prosthetic eye was inhumanly blue made tiny sapphires set in a gold ring. It twinkled and sparkled under the harsh fluorescent light as Rhys smoothed down his suit jacket, eyeing the elevators numbered lights. As the doors opened, he was moving before they’d even stopped, sliding out into the group waiting to descend.

Keeping a sneer etched into his face, Rhys passed men and women in corporate approved orange, blues, and greys who peeked nervously up at him as he strode past their cubicles. A raised eyebrow and his clearly too important for this building wardrobe sent them hurriedly back to work, trying their best to avoid his further attention. No one wanted to make eye contact for fear he was the boss's boss or some other unknown overlord. Rhys really did feel he had the look of it, with the Maliwan tie clip and crisp orange waistcoat. He’d never minded Maliwan’s colors, he would have fit in well here… in another life. But never one of them, he overlooked the terrified office drones with a frown, eye scanning the room for his goal. He was made for more than that unappreciated drudgery in too loud and overcrowded spaces.

It had been quite the wakeup call during his first internship out of college, to discover just how grey the morality of the corporate world really was. He knew the giant megacorps didn’t value human life, not when there was money to be made, and Rhys had wanted that money. He really had. But it had been something else entirely to realize that competition amongst his fellow workers not only included manipulation, bribery, embezzlement, and social backstabbing… but literal backstabbing as well. Anything went… as long as you increased the quarterly profit margin and met your deadline (and didn’t get caught). Rhys’s moral might have been loose, but that was a step further than he could handle. When his internship had ended, he hadn’t sought employment.

How funny, the way things could change so quickly.

Weaving his way through the sea of cubicles, Rhys neared the corner office. He couldn’t afford to linger long. The security clearance badge pinned to his vest had easily passed a cursory inspection and his hacking program had gotten him added to the list of visitors for the day, but the longer he stayed the greater the chance he’d been seen through. Pausing at the water cooler he rolled up the sleeve of his jacket to fetch the lock picks stored in his arm's hidden compartment, barely able to contain the smug grin that fell over his features. He'd beeped, of course, when he'd passed through the metal detector so many floors below but wouldn't he, with that obvious metal arm. He'd laughed and flirted with the guard while they'd hand scanned him with the wand, with them apologizing but, "rules are rules, you know?" Rhys sympathized with them in easy comradery, showing off his technological wonder of an arm for their amazement before being waved on through. Really, it was all too easy sometimes. Maliwan should be ashamed of themselves.

Letting his eye wander the room to make sure his path was clear, all that remained between him and files worth a very cushy paycheck was one locked door. If everything had gone to plan, Mr. Vertis would be tied up downstairs with Sasha for another hour at least, leaving Rhys plenty of time to get through whatever paltry security protocols where in place. Sliding in close to the door and blocking the lock with his body, he kept his shoulders relaxed. Nothing to be alarmed about, nothing out of the ordinary. He hoped if he chanted it in his head loud enough, somehow all the eyes in the room would remain at their computers. He strained to listen for any approaching footsteps over the click-clack of typing all around him. As he worked his picks into the lock, he felt more than heard, his phone go off, vibrating against his leg. Cursing under his breath, Rhys focused on twisting the lock open with deft movements, all was still within Mr. Vertis’s darkened office so whatever issue Sasha ran into could wait until he wasn't in the open. God, he hoped they hadn't miscalculated the mark's tastes. He still recalled all too vividly the time he'd been flat out rejected by a previous mark for being a twink. As much as Rhys had been relieved to stop flirting with the asshole, the mistake had cost them over five grand as they’d scrambled to improvise.

~*~*~

As the lock finally clicked open, Rhys slid gratefully into the darkened office. His sigh of relief, however, was cut abruptly short by the knife suddenly pressed against his throat. Behind him, he heard the door seal once more, blocking out prying eyes… and escape.

"Uninvited guest, you just set off my trap card. Your death approaches.”

The cooling body slumped over the desk with the dark stain seeping ominously into the carpet should have been enough to quell Rhys’s fool mouth, but he *knew* that voice. Or at least the trademark speech pattern tinged with a robotic warble.

"Oh- ooh my god," Rhys whispered, his heart pounded loudly in his ears, "I... um..." he fought to keep still as his body went to war with itself. Fear dropping out his stomach even as he felt his face heat, "I just- I just want to say, I think you’re really cool."

That was probably the least professional thing he could do in this given situation... but Zer0 was a *legend*. The mysterious assassin, known only as a number, lived and breathed aesthetic. It was anyone’s guess if Zer0 actually was Japanese, but the assassin certainly borrowed heavily from the culture, wielding a chokutō inspired sword and speaking in haiku. According to rumor and fan site gossip (which Rhys in no way followed at all), Zer0 was skilled in complicated origami and could write kanji. Even Zer0's gender was hotly debated by fans. Everything about the person beside him, Rhys admired.

But truthfully, right now, he really wished the assassin hadn’t snuck up on his blind side. It was making getting a good read on the killer quite difficult. The blade shifted, making Rhys’s breath catch. As quick as his reflexes had gotten over the past years, there was no way he could pull out the hidden knife from his prosthetic and turn before Zer0 opened veins. It had barely touched him but the finely honed edge simple exuded sharpness and death. This is why Rhys avoided combat in general. Being one-eyed was a fatal disadvantage in situations like this. Actually, there wasn't ever a good time to lack depth perception. But there was a time and place for cursing his body and this really wasn't it. Not when it felt like the blade might nick his throat with every shallow breath.

“Praise won’t stay my blade, bathed in blood is just as good. Fool to be a fan.”

"Fan? Oh god, no" Rhys squeaked, cursing his vocal cords for their utter betrayal. He forced laugh that sounded too harsh. He wasn’t an obsessed fan… it was… professional interest, "I just admire your work is all, your craftsmanship. I mean, everyone in the business knows of Zero," his laugh pitched up, was that blood running down his chest or sweat? His hand trembled, the flesh betraying him in a way that the metal never did. His mouth joined the betrayal as he babbled, words flowing out without filter, "Not that I’m even close to being in your league.”

He must sound like a panicked idiot. Which... he was. He was going to embarrass himself *and* die. Rhys wasn't entirely sure which one was worse. And Zer0 hadn't said anything or moved. Was he just going to stand there? This was lasting too long. His shirt was already sticking to him with what Rhys truly hoped was just sweat... though that was bad enough. And the walls. The walls were too thin, Rhys could hear the oblivious idiots on the other side of the wall still typing away on their keyboards, the sound burrowing its way into his skull as he strained to get a read on the assassin.

“I mean-" Rhys blurted, "I’m just here for the computer. No mind to me if the guy is dead right? I mean… my client won’t really be happy… but it doesn’t bother me,” he quickly assured, unable to stop the stream of words from leaving his mouth, “Ha ha, I’ll just hope he pays me in full before reading the new, right? Have to roll with the punches in this business,” Rhys’s awkward laugh trailed off as he tried to catch a glimpse past his own nose of the assassin that held his life in judgment. His phone vibrated against his thigh like he didn’t already know that the plan had crashed and burned horribly.

The blade at his throat lowed an inch and Rhys sucked in a greedy lungful of air, turning his head enough to finally glimpse the near featureless black helmet that covered Zer0’s face. A red [ . . . ] glowed faintly within the dark mask, changing into [ ? ] as Rhys watched.

"Such a gilded thief, shadows could never hide you, you are not common."

“Thank you? But I’m not a thief,” what was he supposed to say to something like that. The robotic pitch made it that much harder for him to tell if the tone was sarcastic or accusatory or simply observational. Rhys moved to cross his arms over his chest, brows furrowed, but the shimmer of light flashing off the dark blade as it was flicked back up, aborted the motion leaving Rhys’s arms hanging uncomfortable outstretched and decidedly uncool looking.

Uncertain if it would actually help his case, he filled the potent silence regardless, “I’m an assassin. Like you? I mean, obviously not as awesome as you are. And I don’t just do assassinations… but…” his left hand gave a nervous twitch as he resisted the urge to tug at his hair. He finished lamely, “…yeah… I steal stuff… sometimes,” or most of the time.

The blade swished through the air and clicked back into its sheath leaving Rhys’s legs feeling like they were made of jello. Sagging, Rhys hurried to put distance between himself and the dangerous assassin before him.

"Has anyone told, it’s a fool who runs his mouth. Prattling on and on, benefit to me alone. I claim the victory here."

He really didn't need Zer0 to tell him that. Rhys was painfully aware of his flaws. If he wasn't already, he had Fi and Sash to point them out regularly as reminders. He scowled in what wasn't a pout no matter what anyone said. He still felt off kilter. If anything, being free from the blade only made it worse, the adrenaline leaving his limbs shaking with nothing to do. Rhys carded his fingers through his hair, the gelled locks breaking apart under his fingers, but the simple repetitive motion did more to calm him than anything else could.

"I shall have your name, if trust is broken after, I shall hunt you down."

Damn this was still going sideways but he couldn't think fast enough to work out any other options. Scowl deepening, he complied, “Rhys Oliver, of Atlas.”

The [ ! ] that appeared on the assassin’s mask filled Rhys with a modicum of smug satisfaction. Five years ago Atlas was all but a footnote in history. Yet now Rhys, with the help of his friends, had raised it like the proverbial phoenix. Slowly but surely, the name Atlas was becoming relevant again. Though… maybe admitting to being from what could be seen as a rival organization wasn’t the *best* move Rhys could have made in this moment. If Fiona was here she would have smooth-talked her way out of revealing so much, she was always better at improving than Rhys was. Or she’d have gotten shot at already. That was nearly equally likely some days.

“I have heard of this, its corpse thought rotten away. Yet you claim it yours?”

“Atlas was never dead,” Rhys huffed defending his tiny operation, “We’re small right now but growing,” did he just volunteer too much? Ugh, he wished he had Yvette on a radio line but they hadn’t been able to get the headset past the security checkpoint. He felt naked without his support line. Her calm reassurance and direction in his ear.

Zer0 tipped his head, only serving to remind Rhys how much taller the lanky assassin was comparatively. Idly he wondered what was under that suit… Rhys bit his lip, his mind trailing back the myriad of speculation he’d read on that subject. Sucking in a sharp breath, he snapped his eyes back up, feeling his face heat. This was so not the place. Real spies never bought their way out of death by offering sexual favors. Or at least Rhys was fairly certain that was the case. He wasn’t going to risk his neck offering. He crossed his arms tightly over his chest, a protective barrier to his own wild imagination. Which hurt more than it should… that could cause issues if they did fight. But at least his hand was nearer to his weapon now.

“Atlas is reborn, this I must see for myself. You’ll introduce me?”

“What? Oh, I mean, yeah, sure. Anytime,” Rhys stammered. This was so not good. He was acting like a blushing teenager. Maybe it was actually a good thing no one had eyes on him. Sasha would never let him live this down.

“An intriguing talk but time presses ever on, I shall leave you now.”

Zer0 turned toward the large window behind the desk, a sheer drop down 53 stories, and glanced back only briefly. [ <3 ] lit up on the helmet as Zer0 gave Rhys a cheery, “Goodbye.” The assassin’s suit seemed to shimmer, an active camo making the edges harder to distinguish in the dark. Taking a half step forward, Rhys could still track Zer0’s movement as the assassin pushed open the window and dove out. Gripping the edge and peering down was enough to seize Rhys’s stomach into knots. Too high. He squeezed his eyes shut and staggered back like the fucking armature that he apparently was. He was never going to be as cool as someone like Zer0. It was hopeless. Just a dork dressing up and pretending to be James Bond.

Running his left hand, Rhys sighed heavily. When that didn’t work, slapping his own cheek, Rhys berated himself, “Focus, you still have a job to do, dum dum.”

~*~*~

With a great deal of distaste, he nudged the cooling body aside. That was certainly unfortunate. Fi would have her work cut out for her, but with luck, the data might be even more valuable to the right buyer because of the inevitable shift in power dynamics. If they acted fast enough. They might even get more than originally offered.

Careful as he tried, Rhys couldn’t get to the computer terminal without stepping in the blood. The carpet squished wetly around the slick soles of his leather boots. He wasn’t dressed for bodily fluids today. It was going to stain. Or worse seep into his socks. He was not walking around with wet socks. It was bad enough his shirt was binding up and clinging to him with drying sweat making just standing unbearably uncomfortable. He took a deep breath through his mouth, trying to ignore the ripening scent, and plugged in his flash drive to activate rhys_winz.exe. While the hacking program did its thing, he browsed through the unsecured files for important keywords, copying anything that looked promising. He could sort through it all at leisure later when he wasn’t hovering over a smelly corpse. Preferably with a cup of coffee or some ice cream. No, definitely ice cream. Today deserved ice cream.

God, the smell really was unpleasant already. This is why he refused jobs that required handing bodies after the fact. Speaking of which, he took it all back. He hated this job. This wasn’t supposed to *be* a messy mission. Yet because no one in all the city had worse luck than he did, here he was, standing in blood and the download *still* wasn’t done. Rhys was sure even the corpse would agree that Rhys’s luck was worse. The dead guy didn’t have to deal with his own stink.

His endless list of complaints stalled as the popup informed him of the download’s success. Slotting the drive back into the watertight storage in his arm, Rhys was left with only one pressing problem… bloody footprints. His bloody footprints. He hated that there was really only one solution. Standing at the door, he held his bloody leather boots in hand. Real leather, mind you. He’d had to import them! Real leather was so rare nowadays. And even if they hadn’t been god awful expensive, he couldn’t just leave them at the crime scene either.

Rhys walked out of the office distinctly less cool than he’d entered. Face beet red, he prayed no one questioned the garbage bag clutched in his fist… or his brightly colored fish socks now on display. God, how many people were *in* this damn building? Every set of eyes crawled over his skin but he refused to meet their questioning gazes. It was probably all in his head anyway. Either that or security was going to be waiting with an armed escort when he got off at ground level. He jabbed the elevator button with prejudice, shoulders tense.

~*~*~

Fuck. His phone. He’d forgotten all about it after the Zer0 debacle. He pulled out the disposable burner, opening up the deluge of texts he’d gotten from an unsaved number.

>> greet & meet failed >> still no luck, be safe!! >> getting odd looks, have 2 bail >> where r u? >> Hey dork, u alive??? >> if u r making me worry for nothing I’m going 2 kick ur ass >> if ur dead im taking ur pc >> don’t be dead, I dont know ur password

Cradling his bagged boots to his chest, Rhys chewed his lower lip, chuckling under his breath. I’d been just over three years now since he’d first run into Fiona and Sasha but now he couldn’t picture his life without them in it. They could be brash and rude… but they really did care. In their own way. He liked to imagine it was what having a sibling was like. Yvette seemed to think so and Rhys took her word for it seeing as both he and Vaughn were only children. But Sasha, Rhys was especially fond of her. Fond was likely underselling the soft feeling that curled in his chest when he thought of her, but Sahsa had made it abundantly clear that she wasn't interested in anything serious. Which… which was fine. Good even. It meant that Rhys didn’t have to worry about any awkward explanations or reveals later down the road. Just friends was fine. They clicked and she was fun to work with even though she terrified him at times.

One handed, he typed out a quick reply. Left thumb moving with practiced ease.

<< not dead, call off the funeral << done & done but messy << so ready to bail

He watched the eclipses dance as the other side of the conversation typed. Sasha must have been waiting for his reply. With luck, she’d already fetched the car.

>> tnx 4 the heart attack dork!! >> outside

Never trusting their messages not to be intercepted, they always avoided anything incriminating or too descriptive. You could never be too safe, after all, but he had to laugh that their secret agent spy code was just vague text speak and knowing each other well enough to read between the lines. It really dispelled the glamorous spy mythos. Real life had far more bloody shoes and aching ribs than cocktails and fast cars.

~*~*~

As it turned out, clutching a trash bag and brooding in an elevator didn’t gain as many strange looks as he’d feared. A woman in a crisp suit gave a snorting laugh as she entered the elevator with him, though Rhys wasn’t sure if it was his face or his socks that drew her humor. And that had been the most notable reaction. Most simply turned a blind eye to him. The purposeful sort or ignoring that likely meant they were filing away future blackmail (what little good that would do them) but it served Rhys well enough. Apparently leaving a head office in an embarrassing state wasn’t all that surprising. All the more reason to be glad he’d missed out on such exciting corporate affairs.

It was a struggle to remember to walk as he exited the elevator, pulling away from the business men and women. Security was going to be a whole new issue. They *would* open the bag. Then they’d see the blood. Then there would be questions he couldn’t flirt his way past. With a heavy heart and cursing his completely shit luck, he turned toward the ground level food court. Selecting a very full trash can he stuffed his bagged boots deep into the mess of greasy burger wrappers and paper cups. Rhys said a brief farewell to his boots, parted from this world too soon. His closet would be all that much emptier without them. The world that much colder. He blinked back a tear.

~*~*~

“Nice socks,” the guard’s barely held back smirk was beyond punchable. They were the same two guards as when he’d entered the security checkpoint what felt like ages ago. The other leaning casually back on their shared desk.

Holding his arms up, Rhys breathed through his nose. He was almost out, “Thanks.”

The other one had the audacity to wink, “Maybe if you’re naughty next time we can have a cavity search.”

What even was that? Was that supposed to be a pickup line? His head frazzled from the careful plan falling apart, Rhys was too tired to piece out what the hell was going on. He scrambled for some semblance of a script and hoped the flirty executive role still worked sans boots, “Next time, cowboy.”

It seemed to work. At the very least they laughed and released him. He couldn’t be bothered to care more than that he was leaving. All that much closer to his own room and chocolate cookie dough ice cream. After he cleared the obstacle that was his concerned friends… he sagged, staring down at his toes as he exited onto the city street. His socks really were ruined at this point. There was going to be no salvaging them from the sidewalk dirt, not when he could feel the grit from the office building still clinging to them. The purple and red fish mocked him as he glowered.

“I gotta say, that’s quite the fashion statement you got going there, dork,” a punch to his fleshy arm signaled Sasha’s arrival.

Her words mocked, but he knew her well enough to understand that she really cared. It was unlike any of the friendships Rhys had previously, but it felt stronger for it. Besides, he often felt sarcasm was greatly underappreciated and Sasha always seemed to get when he was joking. Unlike Fi. She was just scary mean sometimes.

“Ha ha,” Rhys rolled his eye, “Come on, I’m starving.”

“Uh, huh. Don’t pout, it couldn’t have been *that* bad,” Sasha pointed out.

He was in one piece so she was right on the account. But he wasn’t going to admit that, “I’m not pouting.”

“So is that why you could land aircraft on your bottom lip then?” her laugh was utterly fake, though Rhys doubted anyone who didn’t know her would be able to tell. It’d taken him long enough to learn the difference.

She steered him easily through the crowd and into the twists of side streets to their getaway car. Casual as could be. Just two friends giving each other shit. Rhys followed without thought, it was so much easier to navigate when someone else led and he could follow her anywhere.

“I hate you,” he didn’t.

~*~*~

#rhys the company man #zer0 the assassin #tales from the borderlands #fanfiction #my writing #wip #sasha the kid sister #borderlands

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imagining-supernatural · 7 years ago

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As It Seems: Chapter 9

Table of Contents

Según Parece: Lista De Contenidos

Summary: Dean remembers some things from the other timeline

Word Count: 2832

Warnings: slight implied smut, drug talk, depression talk, similar to the rest of the series

Beta’d By: @kclaire1 Girl, I love you!!

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

~Dean’s POV~

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I yelled at the woman who had, literally, just jumped in front of the werewolf that had been trying to kill me for the past ten minutes.

“Saving your ass, apparently. Don’t worry. I’m not expecting any thanks.”

“Thanks? You nearly got yourself killed.”

A strange expression flickered across her face… disappointment? But it was gone in an instant and I was too fired up to linger on it. “I know what I’m doing, jerkwad.”

Jerkwad? What was this, seventh grade?

“Stay out of my way next time,” I spat out before grabbing my silver knife that had skidded halfway across the room sometime during my fight with the wolf.

“Next time? Don’t worry, buddy. I don’t make the same mistake twice, and apparently saving your ungrateful ass is a mistake.” She pushed past me in a flurry of anger and I totally did not watch her ass as she walked away.

What?

I was a guy, after all.

*****

“Do you know what today is?” Y/N swung her half-empty bottle of beer around, her fingers lightly gripping the cool, glass neck. I just grunted and shrugged, finishing off my own bottle. “Today marks the one year anniversary of the time you almost died and I saved you for the first time.”

“Ah.” I remembered that day well. “You were so snotty. I hated you right off the bat.”

“Yet you still got me out of that sticky situation two weeks later.”

I chuckled at the memory. “Man, you were a horrible hunter. Good at killing things, but not so good at researching the hard things to kill.”

“In my defense, I don’t think even you would have figured out that it was an ancient Malaysian spirit that we were hunting if it hadn’t been for Sam.”

Okay. She might have had a point there. But I wasn’t about to let her off the hook that easily. "At least I didn’t think it was just a normal ghost. I knew that it was, at least, some weird, special, crazy ghost.”

“God, I hated you so much.” Y/N laughed freely, something that she had been doing a lot more lately. The first few months I knew her, she kept everything close to her chest. Emotions, thoughts, intentions… There were dozens of thick, brick walls surrounding her, keeping her isolated from the world.

I don’t know how, but those walls had fallen down in the last few weeks. And I liked what was behind them. So much more than I should have.

But I didn’t care.

I didn’t care that her laugh made me feel a little more hopeful. I didn’t care that I could practically feel the raining storm cloud hovering over her head when she was mad. I didn’t care that Sam teased me about how I stopped flirting with women at bars recently. I didn’t care that a single smile from Y/N could turn even my worst day into something that was bearable.

I didn’t care that she was making me into some stupid fool over her.

I didn’t care about the consequences, because for once in my life things felt… good.

“Hey Dean?” Her soft voice broke through my thoughts and I hummed in reply. “I’m really glad you don’t have that giant stick up your ass anymore.”

Yeah.

So was I.

*****

It was a rough hunt. We were too late. Sure, the monster was dead. But so were the kids. The impala was silent on the ride back to the motel. Up front, Sam and I were dealing with the failure as we always did: trying to get past it as quickly as possible. But I could tell that Y/N wasn’t having as much luck as we were. Maybe it was because she hadn’t been hunting as long as we had. But something told me that telling her “It gets easier” would not be welcome.

As soon as I parked, she was out of the car and halfway to her room. Sam jerked his head towards her retreating form and I nodded soberly. Sam could be alone right now. I knew he could handle it. I wasn’t too sure about Y/N though.

She didn’t answer when I knocked on her door.

“C’mon, sweetheart. I know you’re in there. Open the door.”

Silence.

I knocked again. “I’m not going anywhere. So unless you want me to freeze right outside your door, you better let me in.”

“I’m fine.” Finally. A response. A lie, but still a response.

“Yeah, and I’m the Queen of Shiba. C’mon, Y/N/N. We don’t have to talk. I’m just not going to let you be alone right now.”

“I don’t remember the last time I let anyone tell me what to do,” came her annoyed response as the door swung open and she glared at me. Annoyance was good. I could work with that.

Pushing past her, I didn’t give her the chance to shut the door in my face. “Tough luck. I hope you stashed some beer in that mini-fridge because it’s a hell of a lot easier to get through nights like these when you’re not completely sober.”

“You’re annoying, you know that?”

“If by annoying you mean insanely sexy and funny then yes, I know that.”

And that managed to wrangle a soft laugh from her. Satisfied that she would recover from the failed hunt, I tossed her a bottle of beer and we sat side-by-side on the bed and watched horrible, midnight television.

I’m not sure how it happened, but sometime later, the bedside table held our empty beer bottles, the floor was littered with our clothes, and Y/N’s body was tangled with mine.

*****

She tiptoed into my room, softly closing the door behind her. For months now, we’d been slowly moving towards this.

It started out with a few tipsy nights of distraction sex. After a particularly difficult hunt, or when something personal came up that we just wanted to forget, we would find ourselves between the sheets of the nearest hotel room. Then we would end up together in the bunker on nights when Sam left on a solo hunt, or out on some Ghandi, Pray, Eat, Love soul-searching trip. Nights like that eventually morphed into sneaking around when Sam was home, just so we could draw on the comfort of sharing a bed. It wasn’t even about sex anymore, and I had no idea how it happened.

But I liked it.

“Hey, baby,” I greeted sleepily, opening my arms for her. She fit right against me like two cogs in a machine. “Gave up on research?”

“Never started. I just flipped through books so Sam wouldn’t feel alone.”

That made me chuckle. It was a reminder of the first few weeks after we met. “How in the world did you survive without us?”

She drew in a sharp breath and tensed up. What had I said?

“Dean, I—I wasn’t. Living, I mean. I, uh, I wasn’t in the best place…”

The strain and trauma in her voice cut me to the core. I shifted onto my side and cupped her cheek with my hand, turning her face up to mine. “Listen, you don’t have to tell me anything that you don’t want to. The past is in the past.”

“I know.” She wasn’t very convincing. “But I want to. I don’t… I don’t want to have the weight of this secret anymore.”

And slowly and softly, she unwound the suffocating rope of mystery around her past. The accident that took her parents. Her subsequent addiction to drugs and the escalation. The pregnancy that forced her to clean up her act for a few months. Her post-partum depression that drove her back to the hard drugs that most people stay away from. And the cold slap in the face of reality when she realized that her baby girl wasn’t breathing.

My heart forgot how to beat. How she managed to go through all of that and still fight every day was beyond me.

*****

“I’m not talking about this with you, Sam,” Y/N’s annoyed voice pulled me towards the kitchen. Sam and Y/N nearly always got along. It was kind of freaky how they never fought. Of course, sometimes they got annoyed with each other and when that happened, it was always fun to watch.

“So I’m right?”

I rounded the corner just in time to see Sam sit back, arms crossed over his chest, and a smug grin cover his face.

“No, and even if you were, it’s none of your business.”

He laughed softly. “Defensive. I’m just waiting for you to stick your tongue out at me and tell me to get lost.”

“This isn’t a 90s sitcom. It’s my life. Emphasis on the my.”

“What’s going on?” I needed some backstory in order to enjoy this encounter more. And some popcorn. That would be good too.

“Y/N hasn’t been sleeping in her own room lately. I think she’s been sneaking out to see her secret boyfriend.” Sam narrowed his eyes at her, and that was normally when I knew it would get good. He was completely focused.

Which usually meant that the truth was about to come out.

“Secret boyfriend, huh?” I asked, hoping I could keep the nervous edge out of my voice. We hadn’t discussed it, but both of us seemed to intuitively feel like what was happening between us should stay between us. If Sam knew, then all of the sudden, everything would become more real.

Boyfriend.

Was that me? Was I her boyfriend? Was she my girlfriend?

“I don’t—” She cut herself off when her eyes met mine. I knew that she was mirroring my own thoughts.

What were we? Friends, yes. Hunting partners, obviously. Lovers? The word made me cringe. Dating? Exclusive? Well, I hadn’t slept with anyone else since that first night and I don’t think she had either.

“You don’t what? Have a boyfriend?” Sam prompted when her silence grew into a minute. “If you can’t even finish that sentence, then obviously you do.”

And just like that, Sam had the Define The Relationship talk for us. I sat back in my chair, out of breath suddenly for some reason. “Yeah, Y/N. Sounds like you have a boyfriend.”

*****

“It’s a stupid idea, right?” I wasn��t really asking for Sam’s opinion by that point. I was more asking just to keep talking so I wouldn’t dwell too much on the subject at hand. It’s funny how you can just talk forever about something, but not really think about it at all. “Yeah. Really stupid. I should just forget about it.”

“I don’t think it’s a st—“

“Y/N’s gonna think it’s really stupid. Just forget I said anything.”

Sam laughed, which startled me. What was funny about this situation?

“Dude, she’s going to think it’s stupid. Yeah. But she also thinks you’re pretty stupid, and she’s still with you so… For some reason she actually likes the stupid stuff you do.”

“But we’re both hunters. It’s gonna end bloody. Best to just keep things as they are.” The more I thought about the reasons this wouldn’t work, the more reasons I could come up with. “Besides, she doesn’t even wear jewelry.”

With a shrug, Sam ordered another beer. “She likes necklaces. She told me that once. Just doesn’t have reason to wear any.”

“I can’t get her a necklace.”

“Why? ‘Cause it’s not traditional?” Sam challenged. “You just said that you’re both hunters. Do you really think Y/N’s gonna want anything traditional? It doesn’t have to be a ring, and you don’t have to go through the whole I Do thing. I don’t think you actually can, since we’ve been declared legally dead about ten times now and if you tried to actually get a marriage license then the FBI and who knows who else would be hot on our tails. Again.”

“Exactly. What’s the point? Besides, we have this crap with the Titans to worry about.”

I couldn’t believe I was actually talking about marrying someone. Out of everything I’d expected in this life, marriage wasn’t even on the list. I’d barely known Y/N for two years. It was only a few months since we’d slipped up in front of Sam and he found out about us, which happened about a week after he made us realize that we were dating.

I was crazy. That was it. This idea was crazy.

“The point,” Sam cut in with a meaningful look, “Is that you’re trying hard to talk yourself out of this. Harder than I’ve seen you try about anything. But somehow, you’re still thinking about it. I think that’s a pretty big indicator that maybe you should start thinking of the reasons this could work.”

Not the advice I was looking for. And it was past time to change the subject. “What’s she doing now?”

Sam gave me a long, flat glare that told me he knew exactly what I was doing, but after a moment he gave in and looked over my shoulder at where Y/N was hustling some poor bastard at pool. I’d learned long ago that I needed to have my back to her when she was doing her thing.

Let’s just say that jealousy was definitely something I should work on.

“He’s all over her, but this is the third game, so she’s about to completely smoke him.”

“Nah. She has one more. When we came in, she was just starting the first game and she was playing for drinks, not cash. She’s still hustlin’ ‘im.”

I was good at hustling pool. And Sam wasn’t too bad either. But Y/N? She put both of us to shame. Unfortunately for me, she had to make the guy believe he could take her home and that meant that I had to watch some other guy put his hands all over my girl.

It was easier to just not watch. As long as I didn’t see it, I could focus on the fact that she would be sharing my bed every night. I trusted her and she could handle herself.

“Well, while you try to figure out what kind of necklace Y/N would like, I’m going to try my luck with that brunette over there.” Sam nodded towards the other end of the bar, and I followed his eyes to a hot brunette in business casual. She looked like the smart, corporate type. So, she basically looked like Sam’s type.

“We’ve gotta leave in fifteen to meet Crowley.”

Sam just shrugged. “We’re in town for another week or so.”

No sooner had Sam disappeared than a woman came up and took his spot. She turned her sultry smile on me. “Hey there, handsome.”

I just nodded once politely and turned back to my glass of whiskey. Apparently she thought I was a challenge, because she leaned forward until the front of her shirt gaped and I would have gotten a front row seat to her cleavage if I had been interested.

But I wasn’t.

Because my girl was a few yards away, using that same move to scam some idiot.

“Haven’t seen you around before. Why don’t you buy a girl a drink and you can tell me a little about yourself.”

Her fingers had been lightly trailing up my arm, but I shook them off. “I’m already buying another girl drinks tonight. You’ll have better luck with someone else.”

“Oh really? Then why haven’t I seen you with anyone except that other man you came in with? She must not be too smart if she lets a guy like you be alone in a place like this.”

“She’s right here,” Y/N’s annoyed voice came from behind me just before I felt her arms snake around my shoulders and her cheek right by mine. “And she trusts him to not fall for some skank’s slutty routine.”

“Excuse me?”

Cat fight? Was I about to see Y/N get into a jealous cat fight with another woman over me? I knew I should step in and cool the situation down, but God Y/N’s jealousy was so hot.

“You heard me, bitch. You can try to get into his pants all you want tonight, but he’s going to be in my bed.”

“You have no idea who you’re dealing with,” the other woman snarled.

“You’re right,” Y/N agreed easily. “I don’t. And I never will because we’re leaving.”

Aww. No cat fight? “We are?”

“It’s almost midnight, baby. We’ve got that meeting with your brother and your douche of a demon friend.”

Damn it. Y/N was right. As much as I wanted to see her deck that other woman and defend my honor, it would have to wait. Crowley was going to be waiting for us in our hotel room with an update on his part of the plan.

Working with Crowley.

It made my skin crawl.

NEXT CHAPTER

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vgcam · 7 years ago

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FANFIC

“Full of Air” by Vered Gilad Friedman

Description: Mulder & Scully are being chased yet again… as they run, they encounter an unexpected object. (Mulder POV). Written for @txf-prompt-box challenge. Prompt: “A hot air balloon ride”.

Time frame: An unknown time in the middle of season 10.

Fanfic Category: Could it be… MSR?

Disclaimer: Don’t own these cuties but can’t resist playing with them. Promise to put everything away when I’m done… (I hope).

“Scullllllllyyyy!!!!” Mulder cried out to his partner and then continued his breathless panting as he tried to keep up with her. He was too old for this crap. What the hell was he thinking when he agreed to come back to the FBI? At least they would have given them some time to re-train and get back into shape, but noooo, they had to shove them right back into the action and now he was going to die from some form of asthma attack. He was certain that Mr. Bruckman didn’t have that in mind when he said autoerotic-asphyxiation. The closest thing to erotic thoughts were feelings revolving around how tight his suit felt against his crotch and butt at that very moment. How on Earth was he able to run so fast in a suit in the olden days? There was going to be some serious damage down there after this experience and the thought of that made him cringe.

“Scullllllyyyyyy!!!” Jeez, she was so fast, and on heels no less. He felt so lame at that moment. Years of staying at home, stuffing himself with sunflower seeds had taken their toll. Now he regretted not listening to Scully about assuming healthier eating habits. Not only did she keep to her healthy regime, she also made the time to go on jogs every couple of days. No wonder she was amazingly agile while he barely managed to stay three steps behind her. And to think that he was the one with the longer legs.

“Oh my God!” he heard her exclaim from the distance.

“What?!” he shouted as he kept on running through the shrubs. She was out of his line of site. That’s how far behind he’d gotten.

“Mulder! You are not going to believe this!”

Yeah Scully, why don’t you just keep me guessing being that I am so very much enjoying myself, he told her in his mind. He was too out of breath for actual talk by then.

He kept on going. Their pursuers were still far behind, but a quick glance behind him told him that they were catching up. Their high-powered flashlights seemed closer than before. He had to up his game if he was going to avoid capture.

At last he caught sight of Scully’s figure. Why had she stopped running? A small knot formed in his belly. Did something happen to her?

He made a dash for it, until he was finally right behind her. He was now so out of breath, he was unable to let out a single syllable. He just stood there, his head bowed down, his body partially folded on itself and his palms resting on his knees, trying to regain his equilibrium.

“Mulder. You were right!”

Of course she has to tell him this when he is unable to even respond. Typical. He still hadn’t a clue what she was talking about.

“Mulder?” He could hear the concern in her voice. “What’s wrong?”

“Out… of… breath…” he managed between pants.

She chuckled.

“Don’t… say… a word…” he warned her.

Another chuckle.

He rolled his eyes and finally returned to a normal standing position and then he caught sight of the object that astounded Scully just a couple of minutes earlier and his jaw dropped.

There, in the middle of the night a huge glowing flying saucer floated in midair.

“I thought you were taking me on another wild goose chase, Mulder, but you were right.”

Suddenly he could hear shouting in the distance. “Shit!” their pursuers were getting closer.

Mulder and Scully stared at each other as realization dawned on both of them. Then they burst into a super dash.

Running was slightly easier this time. They’d moved out of the forest and into a clearing. The only problem was, this would also apply for the group that was chasing them.

Scully was once again in the lead, running like a bat out of hell. He just had to somehow suck it and ignore the screaming of his muscles. He swore he was going back on a strict training regime when (if) they managed to get out of this mess.

All of a sudden he heard a rather loud thud accompanied by a cry from Scully. His heart skipped a beat. “Scullly!!!!”

“I’m OK!” she shot back. “I just collided with something.”

Somehow her attempt to assure him wasn’t really working. He upped his pace, unable to believe he actually had it in him and soon he was right beside her.

“Mulder…”

“What?” he was heavily panting again.

“I hate to be the one to burst this UFO bubble on you, but I think we’ve been had.” She wasn’t gloating, even though she could. He could tell she was trying to be gentle.

“What is it? What did you run into?” literally, he added in his mind.

“Well… I believe it’s a hot air balloon basket.”

At first her words didn’t register. Then he understood. He gazed up and sure thing, right above their heads he caught sight of the glowing flying saucer, only that now he could see the source of the glow. A large flame was blowing hot air into the saucer’s ‘belly’, keeping it afloat.

But he had no time to get pissed. Loud cries could be heard not too far in the distance. The people on their backs were now a lot closer. There was no way they would be able to outrun them now. He had to think fast.

“Scully! Get in!” he shouted as he climbed into the balloon’s basket.

“Mulder!!!” she shot back at him, her tone and stance telling him she thought he was crazy.

“NOW!” he ordered.

And lo and behold, she responded and soon after she’d joined him within the basket’s confines.

“I’ll toss the sandbags out and you can cut the tethers,” he kept on passing orders.

“With what exactly?” her tone aggravated.

He quickly dug into his coat and retrieved a pocket knife.

“You are such a boy scout, Mulder,” she told him as she grabbed the knife.

He quickly disposed of the sandbags as Scully cut them loose and they hadn’t a second to spare as shots were now being fired at their direction. Luckily the shooters were still not close enough as they began to rise.

He found the balloon’s control and as he twisted it, the flames above increased and with them the speed of the balloon’s ascent. He had no time to think about the direction the balloon was taking. His main goal was to gain as much distance between them and the crazy maniacs on the ground. Said maniacs were now right below them and shooting in their direction with every weapon possible. He prayed they were high enough and that those bastards would be terrible shots or else.

His prayers were answered. Finally they had gained enough altitude that he couldn’t hear the deranged group on the ground or their gun firing anymore.

All of the sudden he felt completely devoid of energy. He leaned against the basket and then he let himself slide slowly until he landed into a sitting position.

“Mulder!” Scully called out, “You OK?” She crouched beside him and gave his face a good look over in the meager light the propane flames cast on them.

“I’ve gotten too old for running in forests in the middle of the night,” he let out.

She moved to a sitting position and huddled close to him. “Your flying-saucer-chasing-days are over then? Will this be the last time we trespass on somebody’s private property?”

He snorted.

“Yeah. I thought as much.” She responded and Mulder knew there was a smile somewhere, lingering in the dark.

“God! My body’s killing me!” he revealed. “And please don’t tell me I told you so. I am going straight back to the running track once we get down.”

“Speaking of which,” she moved back to a standing position as she spoke, “How exactly are we going to get down?”

He pushed himself up and peered into the darkness that surrounded them. “I know how to operate the balloon. There’s really not much to it. The only catch is, people do not fly hot air balloons at night; too goddamn dangerous. There’s no telling what we might hit on the way.”

“Now you remember to tell me that?” She sounded more amused than annoyed.

He wasn’t kidding. This air trip of theirs was a possible disaster waiting to happen. “Well, it was either that or getting shot by a mob.”

“Neither are great choices.” She pointed out.

“Nope,” he told her as he stared into the black abyss and tried to make some sense of his surroundings.

He could hear rustling from her direction. “What are you doing?”

“Do you think A.D. Skinner will be awake this early in the morning?” She wondered.

“What’s the time?”

He saw the bright light of a cell phone shine as Scully eyeballed it. “It’s a bit over five in the morning.”

“Skinner’s definitely up.” The man was practically a living testament to marine self-discipline. There was no way of washing the soldier out of him.

Scully tapped the phone’s screen and then put it against her ear. After a minute, she let out a defeated sigh and disconnected. “There’s no reception here whatsoever and no internet. We’re practically stranded.”

“Well, the sun will be rising pretty soon. Let’s just hope we don’t collide with anything until then, and once there’s light we’ll land this thing,” he told her.

“And let’s say we do manage all of that, how do we go about explaining this to Skinner?”

Trust Scully to bring up sore points; only that since they’d returned to the bureau, Skinner had become much more like an additional X-Files member than their overbearing boss. He’d fully converted into a believer right after he (Mulder) was taken by those aliens, during those early days of Scully’s pregnancy with William. And now, it’s like their very good buddy is their boss and he’s just pretending to be pissed at them to please the party line when in truth he’s in the game with them all the way.

It’s kind of strange. Sometimes he’s not sure it’s even such a good thing. He needs somebody to restrain him at times. He knows he can go overboard and Scully, even though she does try to stop him on many occasions, most times she relents. It’s not because she’s not as strong-willed as he is. It’s more because she believes in him, and so the both of them plunge into danger together, and their only remaining safety net is no longer there.

Well, maybe it wasn’t all true. Lately a new safety net was forming. It was called ‘old age’ and Mulder hated the limits it held on him, and he wished he could cut loose, but the signs of wear and tear are just too evident.

“Should I take your silence as a good sign or a bad sign, Mulder?” Scully barged in on his reverie.

He sighed, feeling weary. “Skinner’s a teddy-bear, Scully, and besides, those people were running an illegal scam. Didn’t you see all those stands we passed by? Selling UFO merchandise? I betcha they were all in on it making a great number of pretty bucks from all those innocents who truly believed they were seeing a real UFO sighting.”

“I guess that takes care of Skinner but it’s not quite what you hoped for,” she said as she moved closer and leaned beside him against the basket’s side.

He drew in a deep breath. “No.”

“It’s not like this is your first UFO scam, Mulder, yet you sound so defeated. What’s really eating you up?”

He turned his head and his eyes met her deep blues. Of course they were mostly hidden by the night’s darkness but their glistening brought on by the burning flame from above made his heart dance. The same flame also enhanced the red tang of her hair, making it almost pop out amidst its black surroundings. She was so beautiful and she was all his, even though they didn’t consider themselves as a couple anymore. He knew without a speck of doubt that there was nobody else for her; or for him, for that matter.

“C'mon, Mulder,” she prodded, “spit it out.”

He offered her a jaded smile. “Did you ever wonder just how long we’d still be doing this, Scully?”

“I don’t know. We were out of this game for a long time. I’d sort of accepted that it was all over.”

“I know what you mean,” he continued, still deeply gazing into her eyes. “Back in the day when we were young—”

“Speak for yourself, Mulder. I’m still young.”

He couldn’t help but smile at her interjection and he was enthralled by the changes her expression took when she smiled back at him in that girly fashion of hers.

“Thanks for pointing that out to me Scully. I feel so much better now.”

“You’re welcome,” she teased.

“So anyway… back then I didn’t have time to think about how long we’d be doing this. All I wanted was to get to the truth, to unveil the mysteries and to get answers to all my questions. Nobody told me that some twenty plus years later I’d still either not have most of the answers or that the ones I did eventually figure out would be a load of bull like this tacky flying saucer/balloon we’re stuck in right now.”

“So what’s your point?” she asked.

“Not quite sure, I guess,” he admitted. “It’s a combination of sorts. We are both in our fifties. At this ripe age many agents switch to less physical positions. It’s to be expected. I don’t see myself chasing alien bounty hunters or super soldiers on foot, climbing fences or running like a maniac through God knows what and where till kingdom comes. Even after I’ll get back into shape, I am certain I won’t be able to re-live my golden boy days. In any other department, I’d probably be managing a team of investigators and training younger agents like Bill Patterson trained me. But in the X-Files…” he trailed off.

“What about the X-Files,” Scully picked up the conversation. “Do you want to have a team under you Mulder? Somebody to train so they’d follow in your footsteps?”

“That’s just it,” he told her. “I really don’t know. I do know that the two of us won’t be able to go on forever doing this. Today’s experience was ample proof of that. But we were gone from the X-Files for so many years and nobody took over. It’s like nobody cares and it seems as if the world moved on without us doing our thing and the world did quite well without us. I’m just wondering if anybody would even want to come and learn the trade.”

He could hear rustling as her hand made its way to his until it finally rested upon it. She part squeezed his palm; part massaged it as if she were trying to soothe him.

“I’m not quite sure the world did OK without us, Mulder. To me it seems the world just got lucky that somehow the sky didn’t fall on it while we were away from our posts.”

He let out a chuckle. “Dana Scully, you mean to say that the world basically revolves around us? That it will basically go into a standstill and the craziness will cease during the period we are too out of it to address it?” He gave her an obnoxious grin but then he felt something sharp poke his ribs and he let out a yelp. It was Scully’s elbow protesting on her behalf. “Hey!” he cried out. “No need to get all touchy on me now.”

“Well, that’s what snide comments will get you, Mulder.”

“It’s just that your presumption is somewhat far-fetched,” he told her. “Granted, it’s sort of true to a certain degree. Things have been uncannily quiet ever since we dropped off the face of the Earth, but to make it as if the world was just waiting for our return…”

“OK, Mulder, if you’re so smart, what’s your explanation for this? I mean, when we left the X-Files, super soldiers roamed the Earth and now there’s nary a super soldier in sight. And that conspiracy we were both fighting against was still alive and breathing during those day, but it seemed to drift into a major snooze while we were AWOL. But now that we’re back in the game, it’s all happening again… well, sans those super soldiers, but otherwise this whole crazy shit is alive and kicking. What exactly can you say about all of this?”

He didn’t really have an answer. It was weird; somehow it did feel like it all revolved around them. And what if it did? Would quitting the X-Files resolve the matter? And if they quit, what was he going to do? “Scully, what if we left again?”

“Mulder? You’re kidding me, right?”

Dawn was beginning to take hold of the world and Scully’s astounded expression became visible. Mulder adored her incredulous expressions with that tiny quirky pout of hers and her ruffled forehead.

“It’s just that if all of this is due to us and if working in the X-Files unit once more could possibly endanger you again… I’m not sure this old heart of mine could take any of this anymore.”

She offered him a compassionate squeeze of his hand and then she pulled in closer and tried to hug him with her short hands. “You know I’ll be OK, Mulder. I’m immortal after all,” she told him, her voice muffled as she spoke with her mouth against his chest.

He pulled his arms out of her embrace so that he could wrap them all around her. They stood there in silence as the sky color gradually transformed from dark grey to a murky bluish hue and slowly to purple and then pink, red and finally to bright orange as the sun made its appearance.

“Scully?”

“What?”

“If we would leave the X-Files to save the world and ourselves from inevitable doom, what do you think you’d do?”

“Well, it’s pretty obvious to me. I’d go back to being a doctor. Maybe I’d even return as a Quantico instructor.”

“Yeah. I thought as much.”

“Coming to think of it, you can get a teaching position in Quantico as well, Mulder.”

He snorted loudly. “Sure. I’ll be the instructor for the course ‘UFO sightings for dummies’.”

She laughed. “Hey, I’ll be teaching the infamous course 'A Grey’s Anatomy – everything you need to know about alien autopsies’.”

“I’m going to sit in the front row. I promise to drive you crazy with questions Professor Scully.”

An amazing smile lit up her face as she laughed at his antics, then she settled down and their eyes locked onto each other. As if in slow motion, their faces moved closer until their lips touched and they fell into a passionate kiss. The energy of the moment set an explosion of feelings both physical and emotional through his body and soul. He didn’t want it to end. All he wanted was to remain in the middle of nowhere, up above the world, with Scully.

All of a sudden he felt a strong vibrating sensation emanating from his butt. He was still so deeply immersed in the moment he was having with Scully, that the unexpected vibes made him jerk.

His movement startled Scully and her eyes widened with shock. “Huh?!” she blurted.

His mind quickly figured out the source of the tremor. It was his phone. They must have begun to lose altitude and they were back on the cell grid.

Reluctantly he pulled his right arm out of his embrace around Scully and then he fished the pulsating contraption out of his back pocket.

The smartphone’s screen had Skinner’s face plastered all over it and he showed it to Scully.

“Let me do the talking,” she suggested.

He didn’t argue as he handed his phone over to her.

She swiped the screen and put it against her ear. “It’s Scully, Sir.”

There was a loud rumble pouring out of the cell and into Scully’s ear. Mulder couldn’t make much of what Skinner was yelling about, aside from the words: 'fucking mess’, 'Mulder’ and 'UFO’. Scully tried to explain but the A.D. was definitely in a foul mood and all she could manage in between his tirade were a few single syllables. Finally she handed the phone to Mulder.

“It’s the 'Teddy-Bear'…” she whispered as Mulder put the cell to his ear.

Mulder braced himself for impact.

THE END

@txf-prompt-box @today-in-fic

#fanfic #fanfiction #xfiles #fox mulder #dana scully #hot air balloon #txf-prompt-box #challenge #txf box challenge - 22th-29 sep #msr #s10 #todayinfic

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