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#the potential is SO there
askbensolo · 2 months
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Hoooooo boy.
Dang I'm real sorry you had to go through that Ben, that sucks all over.
I have to say though, I think you maybe dodged a blaster bolt here.
A relationship ought to be made up of people with good communication and similar values and expectations, and if those arn't there, there really isn't much point to it.
It seems like both of you definitely have a roadblock in communication going, and while that could definitely be overcome, truth is it sounds like Fanny has very different wants/needs/expectations for her future.
She seems to definitely expect there to be some sort of physical relationship eventually. Wether she just expects it due to thinking that's just how "relationships" work, or something she actually wants for herself, just on her own time table, it does sound from what you wrote that she is at least more interested/affected by sex then you are.
It also sounds from her saying she wants to wait for her first kiss to be with someone she's engaged to, and that she's liked you for years but was willing to suffer in silence that she's a romantic at heart. She will want you to do romantic things for her in order to feel loved and appreciated.
And if neither sex nor romance are things you feel like you could ever want, I wouldn't go through with this. Both of you will just end up miserable, and neither of you deserve that.
Best of luck man, and sorry again that you have to deal with this
Hiiiii I'm sober tonight but I had a pretty good day today so I think I can handle this one on jellyfruit sparkling water alone.
So…the idea of romance is beginning to grow on me, even if it’s hard for me to pick out what makes it different from friendship. I can kind of sort it out by asking myself whether the things I’d like to do with her are different from things I’d like to do with my college buddies, and—yeah. Yeah, they are. Sorry, Treeso ol’ pal, but I’m not about to slow-dance in the kitchen with you—not without an unhealthy amount of alcohol, anyway. I’m probably never gonna be as much of a hopeless romantic as Fannie is, but…I think there are things I could learn. I even think I could kiss her one day. Just…just not yet.
But…sex is different. I don’t know if…I can ever do that.
And you're right. That's a whole ‘nother thing to think about in this whole mess. At first, I thought Fannie and I were alike, since she's so…you know…vanilla. But I know she wants to be married, and she wants to have children, and...she probably wants other things too, like you said.
Part of it is just how I've always been. As if there was some kind of developmental stage that just never occurred for me (psychologically, I mean). But I think some of it has to do with...Snoke. He took residence in my mind for years, and although I was sixteen when he first made contact, who knows how long he was there before that? And then eventually he won my trust and affections, and began to meet with me outside of my mind...and even though the memories are fuzzy...I remember certain things. He used to hold me in his arms while I cried. Cradle my face in his hands. Run his fingers through my hair. I kissed him on the cheek once, in the sunken hollow of his scars. Don't get me wrong, he and I never did anything weird together, but—
...No, what am I saying? Everything I just said is super weird. Aren’t I insane, trying to claim it wasn't weird I kissed an ancient raisin freak on his nasty, crusty face when I was a teenage boy—
But it was also the things he did to me mentally that stick with me. He used to probe my thoughts at night, and even though he could do that without actually touching me, it was...just as bad as it sounds. I remember being scared and skinny and sixteen, lying on my back and staring at the ceiling, trying to keep still while he entered my head. Trying to relax so that it wouldn’t hurt as much. I’d feel his presence pushing against the perimeter of my mind, harder and harder, until my resistance snapped, like a rubber band stretched to its limit, and then it was like my soul ruptured and bled out all around me on the bed while his cold bony hands were feeling around my brain, and pulling stuff out, and examining things, and rearranging them, while I kind of went into shock and laid there frozen with tears streaming down my face and waited for him to be done—
Actually no I don't want to talk about this anymore. Throwing up in my mouth just a little bit.
...Sparkling water break. Ahh, the refreshing taste of carbonated water that was once in the same room as someone imagining a jellyfruit.
But, yeah…I just can’t think about being naked with someone, without being reminded of how that felt.
Um—I wasn’t physically naked with him. Again, I hate that that’s something I legitimately need to clarify. Just…naked in every single other sense of the word, to the point that I may as well have been.
And…it’s hard for me sometimes, because it sort of makes me feel like…like I’m not a guy or something. I mean, I know I’m a guy, I just mean…most guys aren’t afraid of sex. Quite the opposite, in fact. You remember I was homeschooled, right? Well, I learned a lot of new things in college. And I learned to pretend like I wasn’t afraid, you know, when the fellas were hanging out and swapping stories, and I’d just sit there, and try to laugh at the appropriate times…
I kind of told Treeso a little bit, since we were close buds. Not about Snoke specifically, but just…that something bad had happened to me when I was a teenager. Treeso was a solid dude, despite presenting like your typical frat bro, and he started taking me to the gym and joked that he was gonna make sure I got jacked so no one could ever hurt me again. I don’t think Snoke would be deterred by my biceps…but I did get a lot more confident.
And more physically attractive. I mean. Come on. I know I look good. I like looking good. But it never changed how I felt about…you know.
So…yeah. I never really worked on addressing this particular little trauma, since A) um…AUGHHHHHHHGHHGHHH and B) it didn’t seem like a problem, since I was so sure I was gonna be single forever. When this whole thing with Fannie started, I thought about it only a little...and part of me was like, hey, maybe she’d be okay with not...really...doing that?
But…that’s kind of a huge ask, isn’t it. It doesn’t make sense to me, but sex is kind of a big deal to most people, huh.
...Who knows. Maybe it would have been to me, too, if I hadn’t been…if Snoke hadn’t…
...I mean...what if this isn't just "how I am"? What if he made me this way, and now there's just a crucial part of my adult self that never got to form, that's broken, that I’ll never experience the same way other people do, that I can never get back, and...that I can never offer her…
...Oh Force. The sparkling water cannot save me. I know I like her. I know I love her. I'm even pretty sure now that I'm in love with her. But everything's all wrong, and I'm all wrong, I'm so screwed up, I'm screwed up in ways I've never fully realized, and probably screwed up in ways I don't even know yet—I mean look at me I’m not even a real man I mean what an absolute loser how can I look so damn good without a shirt but totally freak at the thought of getting in bed?? I'm such a weak kriffing beta failure I freaking hate myself and I bet she’d only end up hating me too and—and—and—okay, calm down, Ben, calm down, keep it chill…
…Okay. So. Clearly, this will not be my last time thinking about this. I am very tempted to throw it out of my brain and never think about it again, but…no. This feels…important to me.
Note to self. Need to buy more sparkling water.
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zytes · 10 months
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this manatee looks like it’s in a skyrim loading screen
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emmeriex · 3 months
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girls when they remember that sally named percy after the only greek hero with a happy ending and beryl named jason after a hero who died alone and unhappy to appease a wrathful goddess.
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sweatermuppet · 2 months
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terfs really show their asses when they tell you HRT is gonna make you bald/fat/disabled/etc. i thought radical feminism included breaking down & defying conventional beauty standards queen what happened
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officialspec · 8 months
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can i say something. for years i thought the joke of the song short skirt/long jacket by cake was that he wanted a woman who was hung like a horse. like i thought when he says jacket it was a last-second fakeout because he very obviously meant to say cock. and the rest of the things in the song were just her personality and interests. which were secondary to her awesome penis
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devsgames · 8 months
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I saw someone be like "It's still as good a time as ever to take a risk and make your indie game into a breakout success, just look at Lethal Company!"
Let's just be clear that "massively unpredictable viral success making an ungodly amount of money" does not equal "realistic and attainable benchmark" for almost any other indie dev.
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iishifishii · 16 days
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okay but can we talk abt the minecraft movie’s complete erasure of the personality of steve???? like that is not even steve minecraft that is just fucking jack black with a blue shirt on.
have yall have seen the cinematic trailers for mc updates? steve literally has a completely different personality. steve is just a silly lil guy. hes just a curious dude who loves building and exploring! hes not jack black, or a wackjob who went crazy from being isolated for too long. he loves and parktakes happily in the world hes in.
i know we only saw one real scene, but i can already tell that jack black is not going to be playing steve minecraft, he is just going to be playing jack black. its so intensely disappointing when they had the opportunity to employ a new actor to bring to light like. imo steve minecraft should have been cast as just an average looking guy. just some random dude. BC THATS LITERALLY WHAT HE IS.
anyways tdlr the real steve minecraft just simply just a lil guy and he is NOT JACK BLACK
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ratlingrun · 5 months
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I don’t care whether you like rooster teeth or not the idea of deleting 21 years of media should be incredibly concerning
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egophiliac · 15 days
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last chance to guess what the new round of birthday outfits will be!
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mellosdrawings · 3 months
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So, I'm not all that caught up with canon lore yet, but one thing that annoys me at times is when people blame Rook for his bad new style (it's not even bad. He looks cute, look at him smiling so much he's so baby). Rook has been shown several times to do things on his own volition without even warning Vil (like, you know, changing dorms?!) and you'd expect me to believe he's not the one to have chosen his new style ?
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Anyway, leave my man and his bad haircut choices alone. What's the point of having hair that can grow back if you don't have some fun with them while you're still at school ?
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yourhighness6 · 6 months
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Ugh I will always love the concept of Katara using blood bending to revive Zuko after the last agni kai, mostly because it makes no sense to me that Zuko was able to bounce back so easily after being struck by lightning, but also because the way the show treats bloodbending is just odd to me. It was a defense mechanism created by a traumatized victim of some of the most devastating parts of colonization, and although I understand that Hama was supposed to symbolize the "bad parts" of waterbending and was important for Katara's growth in realizing that the world isn't entirely black and white, its still disappointing to me that the show never explored the gray areas of blood bending, especially since that episode was, as I stated above, about understanding the gray areas of the war. Katara using blood bending to revive Zuko would add so much to the last agni kai in demonstrating that she has truly realized that "good" and "evil" are relative concepts, and Zuko being saved by both a defense mechanism of a survivor of colonialism and a type of bending used to terrorize his people would have even added to his arc, as the narrative required him to save and subsequently be saved by the physical embodiment of everything his family sought to annihilate.
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bearsandswears · 4 months
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Revisiting the conversation you can have with Gale about Halsin’s proposition. I think it should be worse.
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jedi-starbird · 5 months
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Obi-Wan's apprenticeship with Qui-Gon is a horse girl movie but they both think the other person is the horse.
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while we wait.
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may i offer you all a pubby?? lil bby barns?
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radiance1 · 3 months
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When the Justice League heard of Phantom, they believed they had to act quickly. Based on what they were told by the GIW, a branch of the government they had no knowledge of previously (Batman is working to correct that), the ghost was dangerous and extremely powerful.
A ghost that terrorized a small town that they GIW have tried-and failed- on numerous occasions to send back to the Ghost Zone. The GIW wouldn't have come to the Justice League for help if it were just that, but based on what they have claimed Phantom has achieved an inexplicable rise in power after having met with the King of ghosts himself.
If what they say is true, then ghosts could potentially invade and cause an all-out war with humanity that the Justice League would rather much avoid thank you.
Negotiations for peace or understanding have been repeatedly rejected and the GIW has been led to believe that Phantom has done something to the Fenton couple. The leading ecto-biologists in the world, years of research suddenly wiped clean off and acting much more cordial towards the ghost.
A complete 180.
So much so that you could even claim them to have been mind controlled. Which isn't outside the realm of possibility due to ghosts having an innate ability to overshadow others and control them.
Perhaps even the entire town has fallen under Phantom's control. Even another ghost, who had just been recently opposed to Phantom, has fallen under his control.
So the Justice League had to act fast.
---
Danny was fucked.
He could tell that very, very well. He still didn't have his entire new... dragon thing... under control very well, mostly sticking a half human like form. His powers were stronger yes but he couldn't really control them well.
Which is kinda why he's fucked.
Danny has never heard about the Justice League before, mostly because he had recently found out that apparently Amity Park was isolated. Like, extremely. Basically it's own little world cut off from the rest.
So when they appeared with the GIW he thought, hey, maybe they were finally changing their white suit shtick.
He didn't expect them to be extremely well-trained, have supernatural abilities or magic. Along with their usual tech well.
Yea.
Danny was fucked.
And he was very, very scared.
He's already died once but that didn't mean he wanted to die again, and he knows that he would probably be heavily experimented on if the GIW actually got their hands on him.
He was alone. He was surrounded. He was outnumbered. And he was oh, so very scared.
His family and friends had already fallen (thankfully not dead, just unconscious he thinks) and Vlad was occupied elsewhere, also fighting.
So Danny was alone.
No one would be coming to help him.
So what did he do?
He opened his mouth and did something he didn't do often. Despite that he could see that they somewhat recognized what he was about to do and tried to find cover.
Danny wasn't aiming at them.
He pulled his head back, mouth aimed at the sky.
Danny wailed.
It was waaaay more powerful than he had originally thought, so he was glad he aimed it at the sky.
As soon as it was over he felt drained, swaying on his feet and trying to use his tail to steady himself and not fall off his own claws.
They didn't know what was happening.
Danny just hoped it worked.
---
Neither the Justice League nor the GIW knew why Phantom shot one of his most powerful attacks up into the sky, but they did see the opportunity it presented.
Phantom was weak. Looking like he would fall off his own feet and fall unconscious.
They had to act quickly.
But before they could, from right where Phantom had wailed into the sky.
It cracked.
And continued to crack.
Until a large hole appeared in the sky, leading into a dimension of endless green.
The Infinite Realms.
They believed Phantom was trying to retreat.
They were wrong.
Two roars came from the portal, forcing everyone to cover their ears.
Then.
Something came out of the portal.
A long, serpentine dragon flowed out, flying around the area of the crack before descending down and around Phantom.
Then.
A giant claw grabbed onto the edge of the crack. Pushing against it until it broke, forcing the hole bigger and bigger as a much, much larger dragon stepped out. Standing protectively over the serpentine dragon and Phantom.
A large crown wrapped in flame floating about its head signified its status.
The Ghost King.
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inkskinned · 10 months
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in internet posts it is easy to cut them out of your life. they are hurting you! they aren't listening to you!
they held your hair back. they lent you lipstick. they held your hand at the train station and got you home safe. they rounded on your bully, got loud, said get fucked, spitting-mad in your defense.
they also cut the hair off again. told you that you should really think twice before wearing something like that. took you for granted. took your insecurities and threw them in your face again.
you know logically it should be easy. all the internet advice comments always read it will feel better. like an equation - if a person is rotten, you just remove them. you pull the tooth that's hurting.
but it was never a big flare-up moment. you don't live in a sitcom. they never tried to take your boyfriend or steal from your apartment. they showed up to birthdays and they wrote songs about you and bring you water without you asking. once you found out they carry an emergency inhaler for you, even though you haven't had an asthma attack in years - just in case.
where is the line? people fuck up. sometimes they fuck up badly. sometimes people have raw personalities, like a powerline, and being around them is dangerous. addicting. sometimes they can't help themselves, but you know they're trying. sometimes they are just rough-around-the-edges. sometimes they don't even realize how they sounded when they said that. sometimes it's just - you've both loved each other for so long now, the way this thing hurts goes back to the root.
and that's the fucked up part. you have pushed your fingers against the sweetheart of memory. things these days are electric, tense, harrowing. they didn't used to be. there were a lot of good days in there. sometimes you want to just close your eyes and say can this be over yet? do we still need to be fighting?
doing that would give up any chance you get of getting an apology, but you don't always know that you need an apology, you love them. once they flaked on your birthday party. once they told you to get over it, people are always dying. they also let you crash on their couch for a week after the breakup, handfeeding you when you were so sad you couldn't eat. they are also judgmental about everything, occasionally react to banal statements with an attitude that is weird and fiery. they also love you like a lighthouse sometimes, so strong they cut the storm like lightning.
but the problem is that you might be storm. you might be the thing that needs breaking. what if you are two forces who are desperately, horribly drawn to each other, shaped by the other person's passions, and both good for each other and bad in equal measure.
what if you're both just people, and you're no saint neither.
just cut them off! swallowing the saltwater, you catch yourself in the mirror. you've been shaking more than usual. there's an ache in you that is oblique, loud, impossible to soothe. is this what it looks like? when life is "easier"?
your mouth will always have a hole, is the thing, if you remove the tooth.
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