#the poor kids didnt know what to do

[tacagen]

one of the things that fascinate me about thawne: yes, he CAN be normal with kids! surprisingly normal!

((not at all times, though. his mental illness still spills through and as usual he, in trying to manipulate or hurt others, spits out at them the exact stuff that would hurt him (or have in his childhood/barry's rejection interpretation) the most in the first place lmao))

but at the same time. his like second instinct when doing his bullshit is FUCK THEM (as) KIDS

(and, well. whatever this classifies as)

[triglycercule]

horror is so BLESSED he's the only one out of the murder time trio that has actual good people trying to influence his story 💔💔 dust and killer were both driven to INSANITY because of the choices of their respective humans but horror??? every time without FAIL the polls for horrortale's plotline have always ended in a good place for aliza (either by bettering her relationships/reputation or for her to just. not DIE)

horrortale's potential alternate timelines my beLOVEd🙏🙏 they're SO lucky that we're being kind and benevolent hehe (≧ω≦) now where are the aus based off the possible different outcomes that could've happened in horrortale HUH???? (like how aliza couldve killed toriel or chosen horror's puzzle or gone with undyne to the core........)

[mercutiotakethewheel]

ok so realistically i know theres important character reasons Kendra (and Seth and Warren by extension) never suspect Gavarog. It’s the old society trick to set up threats as team bonding exercises, etc, etc. plus this is a new and unfamiliar world thats rapidly overtaking her real world and replacing all her existing relationships, and right now Gavarog’s like the only member of her magical-worl peer group, so she doesnt want him to be a traitor, just like she didnt want Vanessa, her only female mentor to be a traitor, etc , etc.

but also i wholeheartedly 100% believe that every time Gavin did some truly bizarre, weird ass shit Kendra was just like. damnnnn…. average home school kid behavior.

[therealnotta]

ok i thought about it and actually, the wildest thing in the wizard of oz series (to me) was when the tin man, scarecrow, and A Random Child whose name I can't remember all went to find the tin man's ex. and they stop at tin man's buddy's house, to see if he knows where said ex is these days, and buddy isn't there, so they go inside to wait for him

and the house???? is full of severed body parts?????? just everywhere, they're in a barrel by the door, they're on the table, just chunks of clearly human flesh and a mess of limbs and whatnot, tin man thinks this is fine, scarecrow is really creeped out, scarecrow opens a cabinet and finds a severed human head

tin man runs on over and is like "what the f- oh that's me lol" and it's??? HIS old severed head??? so the scarecrow is just barely recovered from this, tin man is explaining the situation of how he became tin again, etc. etc.

and then the eyes open

and long story short the tin man's soul transferred to his new tin body, but it takes more than having your soul removed to kill you in oz... so his old body is still alive, but without its memories and completely confused and disoriented

the friend comes back and casually mentions how it took a bit for the transferring to finish, and after that the head just didn't remember anything. that means there was a bit there where this head DID have all of the tin man's memories still, and as far as he knew his friend had just left him without a body in a cabinet, unable to move, while the rest of his body just... walked off without him. literally horrific and the tin man is just like "haha! how quirky!" and honestly it's not the worst thing to have happened to him so i can't fault him for that but like. i'd be a little worried if one of my oldest friends told me that they'd totally leave me in a cabinet while my soul slowly left my body and wouldn't even feel bad.

[hana-bobo-finch]

a strange trend in my favorite characters I realize is that I tend to heavily gravitate toward somewhat obscure, antagonistic forces

[m00ngbin]

Sometimes I think of Chicken Little from the movie Chicken Little and cry bc he's just a kid and he's all alone and his dad is ashamed of him and he lost his mother and he gets bullied and harassed bc he's small and kind of strange and he's the only person in the world that knows that the sky is falling and when he tries to tell people they don't believe him

[dootznbootz]

...It's kind of wild when the terf that you got into a fight with and had to write an essay on "Why violence is wrong" back in high school now works at the pharmacy where you get your medication from...

[powderrblue]

i think paislies siblings wouldve loved randy and henrik

[toribookworm22]

Happy Storyteller Saturday, Tori! I hope you’re having a good weekend💜

This week's question is: What is a popular reductive writing 'rule' that you just love to break? I mean things like 'no head hopping' but see: Dune, or 'avoid filler words and run-on sentences', but The Lord of the Rings wouldn't be the same without them.

Hey, Sam! Thanks for the ask!

I detest 'writing rules.' And now having taken a college level short story class, I can now absolutely attest to that.

Can't claim to be Tolkien, but run-on sentences and commas are the lifeblood of my stories, the very driving force of my writing. Hehe. 🙃

On the opposite side: sentence fragments. Spliced thoughts. Bits and pieces of information with little transition. Single word paragraphs. They can all be pried from my cold dead hands, thank you very much.

All writing technique will be sacrificed to my one true calling: writing style.

[nomaishuttle]

like pirating is so normal 2 me i forget there r ppl who r like antipiracy which btw is stupid. obviously

[landoughnut]

My Woman

♡ masterlist - request - emoji anons

♡ pairing - max verstappen x fem!reader (fc - cindy kimberly)

♡ summary - max fighting with people thirsting in his girlfriends comments

♡ warnings - horny/simp max, crack, some fluff, some cursing, use of y/n

♡ w/c & a/n - smau | i actually love writing these ones but ive gotta learn how to do the other types of smau's people make with twitter and stuff ahahahaha

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[midnightwriter21]

demon slayer hcs: the hashira men as boyfriends

characters: tengen, sanemi, giyuu, rengoku, muichiro, obanai

AN: i don’t write for gyomei srry

TENGEN

- this isn’t just a little fling

-mans doesn’t wanna be ur bf

-he wants to be your HUSBAND

- and he’s gonna make that happen ASAP

- and when y’all get married you’re not just getting a husband

- ur getting 3 wives too

- it’s a package deal

- overprotective!!

- the way he made his wives promise to prioritize their lives over the mission

- my heart was bursting

- carries u around

- when tengen is around ur feet hardly ever touch the floor

- doesn’t matter how big or tall u are

- he’s bigger and taller

-he's big all over if ykyk

-nicknames include: sweetheart, princess, baby

- and don’t think he’s saying those to be cute

- he’s absolutely mocking you

-which brings me to…

- this man teases the HELL out of you

- but with love

- he loves you just as much as he loves his wives

- in his mind ur alrdy married

- and he is NOT letting you go

- or letting any harm come to you as long as he can help it

- 4 lifer fr

- id marry him

SANEMI

-i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again

-he’d tear it UP

-and i’d let him

- loves you so much

- doesn’t show it in public

- but in private?

- clingy as fUck

- he’s like ur shadow fr

- will follow u around all day

- hands on ur waist

- arm around ur shoulder

- holding ur hand

- he will not let go of u when ur alone

- in public he’s a lot less touchy

- but he will still stand near you

- jealous af

- every slayer knows by now to stay tf away from you or face the wrath of the wind pillar

- you belong to him

- makes sure they know it

- makes sure you know it

-hickey MASTER

-no i will not elaborate

- everybody knows sanemi is a little rough around the edges

- so there are days when it’s hard for him to open up to you

- but he does try

- he’s got a reputation to keep up!

-gotta act tough

-no weaknesses!!

- except for u

-he’s so soft for u he can’t help it

- nicknames: dumbass, idiot, & feather (my personal favorite)

-like i said he is almost always physically connected to u in some way when ur alone

-ignore him? he's throwing u over his shoulder

-he's strong he can manhandle u all over the place

-sheeeeeshhhhh manhandle me however u want sir

-claims ur super light no matter ur size

-hence the nickname "feather"

-i love him

GIYUU

-ik damn well this man had EVERONE in a chokehold from the first second he showed up

-speaking of chokeholds... ;)

-put me in one pls sir

-anyways

-awkward as fuck

-but he tries for u

-terrible with physical affection

-but we all know he's SOOO touch starved

-you'll have to initiate any type of physical touch

-and make sure he's not uncomfortable

-but really there's nothing he wants more than to touch you

-takes a very long time to say "i love you"

-but can u blame him??

-every good thing the poor man has ever had has been ripped away from him :(

-because of this he's veryyyy protective

-cause he'll be damned if the last person he has that accepts him and loves him for all he is

-is hurt or killed

-100% will die for u without a second thought

-not really a nickname type of guy

-remember he's awkward as hell

-most you'll get is a "-chan" attached to ur name

-and even that is only when y'all are alone

-but still

-even if he doesn't always show it

-you are always on his mind

-he's on a mission and walking through a market?

-he's buying you a hairpin or som

-walking through a forest and sees some flowers?

-"i wonder if she'll like these"

-AND HE'S PICKING U A BOUQUET

-ugh soft for bf giyuu

RENGOKU

-sunshine boy!!!

- epitome of golden retriever boyfriend

-all smiles all the time

-follows u around like lost puppy

-shows off for u

-yk when ur around kids and they're like "watch this" and then they jump and spin a circle lmao

-thats him

-"did you see what i just did?!"

-if u didnt...

-he's doing it again

-wants to impress you so bad

-also you will never have to lift a finger in his presence

-service bf!!

-you need the dishes washed and the floor swept?

-he's on it

-you need help styling ur hair?

-welcome to rengoku's hair salon

-will attempt to dress you in the morning

-and by dress you, i mean he's tugging ur shirt over ur head

-zipping up ur pants

-and tying ur shoes

-brags about you to anyone and everyone

-the other hashira can't have a single conversation with him without him bringing you up somehow

-compliments compliments compliments!!!

-he loves you and isn't afraid to show it

-nicknames from him: my love, my beautiful girl, sweetheart

-constantly confessing his love

-also lowkey speaks poetry for u

-some shit like

-"my light in the darkness, the one who gives me strength, you set my heart ablaze just by allowing me the privilege of seeing your smile"

-ugh he's the sweetest baby

MUICHIRO

-my airheaded angel baby

-i love him sm stop

-baby boy has a terrible memory

-that we alrdy knew

-but!

-he tries so hard for you

-keeps a little journal with notes and information about you

-so if he forgets he can remind himself over and over

-when he's on missions away from you he reads it so he can think about you to pass the time

-can not and will not remember anniversaries

-unless they're written in that journal

-will pick u flowers

-hope ur not allergic cause he's not gonna remember that

-but it's the thought that counts

-the fact that he's thinking about you at all counts

-you wanna go on a date?

-your dates consist of watching the clouds and taking naps together

-maybe a picnic if ur lucky

-no nicknames from him

-he calls you by your name

-its all he can remember

-he's the cutest

OBANAI

-like sanemi, he's a lot less affectionate in public

-however, he's not afraid to express his thoughts about you

-at least not to the other hashira

-might not be glued to your side

-but he's got eyes on u at all times

-and someone is talking about you?

-the second he hears ur name leave somebodies mouth

-he's tuned in

-and they better not say anything negative either

-mans turns murderous

-they will wake up to a snake in their bed

-will prob threaten them within an inch of their life

-don't have to worry abt other people while he's around

-cause he's got everything

-and i mean EVERYTHING taken care of

-protective but not pushy

-i feel like obanai trusts you and your ability to handle yourself

-but thats not gonna stop him from watching over you

-you're not drinking enough water?

-here comes obanai with a cup and u better drink it all

-haven't had lunch yet?

-he's sharing his with you. and will force feed u if need be.

-on a mission with him?

-he's not gonna push u behind him or anything

-but nothing is gonna get the chance to bring any harm to you either

-he's got ur back

-he's pretty vanilla with the nicknames

-nothing too crazy

-especially in public

-mostly uses ur first name

-might add a "-chan" in there every once in a while

-when ur alone he'll call you "sweetie"

-acts like a hard ass

-but he's soft for u

[reblog-house]

Today marks the uhhh anniversary of Julius Cesar's death. Someone didn't beware the Ides of March.

On an unrelated note, I just finished reading Las Ratas by Miguel Delibes and I loved it and all that yada yada but. What the Hell was that ending. No i don't mean the last scenes, hell, i don't mean the last few paragraphs. I mean in particular the last paragraph. I genuinely cannot tell what those sentences Mean. I understand the ones before it, i understand everything leading up to it, BUT WHAT DOES THAT LAST PARAGRAPH MEAN.

[yoitsjay]

batboys and brat taming reader who is their best friend(whom they treat like a sugar baby) 👀

The wording confused me a little bit but I think I got it-

I'll take care of you.

Summary: your a brat, a best friend, and a pampered little whore. What else could you want?

Warnings: alluding to smut but none written, spoiling you rotten

Bruce Wayne:

You had known ol’ Brucie a long time. You liked to think of your friendship with him as quite stereotypical. A rich kid who befriends the poor, lowlife kid of a criminal who somehow managed to go to Gotham Academy.

Ever since you were children Bruce always took care of you, he supported you in whatever career path you chose, and when things didn't work out, you could always fall back on him and he would deal with it all. He'd offer multiple times for you to come live at the manor with him but you refused every time. (the bratty part of you just wanted to rile him up and see when he'd snap)

As you two got older, your friendship never wavered, in fact it only got stronger… and that's when the benefits really attached itself to the friends label. Bruce began refusing no for an answer, especially after a really rough run in with one of your abusive exes. He dragged your ass to the manor and set you up with a room, he started paying off any debts you owed, and he got you anything and everything you could ever want.

Yet you were still a brat… he could handle it though, because in the end he knew that your loyalty was his, and he would never betray that trust. He never wanted to lose you.

Dick Grayson:

Whether you were a family friend, or some stranger he saved / met on the street, you and Dick had become really close friends in such a short amount of time. You were both bratty in a way, and each had your fair share of breakups that you could complain about to each other.

You and Dick had a routine where you'd get together after each breakup, either at his house or at yours. You would show up with ice cream, snacks and other things.

and by the end of the night he'd have his cock shoved up your cunt, or your mouth and you both let out your frustrations.

Dick also spoiled the shit out of you. He paid your bills, and was more than happy to do so, he also bought you whatever you wanted, similar to Bruce, and you didn't even have to ask for half the things that he gifted you.

You didnt concider yourself a sugar baby, not until your friends were gossiping about Dick, and told you that he either wanted you to be his girlfriend, or he wanted to keep fucking you, so he spoiled you to gain favor.

either way you shrugged. “And in the end my bills are paid, i have no debt, and i'm happy and have an awesome friend. Sugar baby, girlfriend, I'm taken care of either way.” You told them, and they just laughed and carried on.

In terms of brattiness, he's the brat, always whining, clawing at you for attention, you gotta put that boy on a leash just to get a break, though you found a way to get him to do what you want…

just a spread of the legs.

Jason Todd:

He has no time for brats, he's a busy man, and he could easily have anyone else to have fun with, but he wanted you, wanted to hang out with you. You were Jason’s friend for who knows how long, so he learned how to deal with your attitude long ago.

Food, most of the time, more often than not, something shoved in your mouth… like his fingers… or his cock.

Just something to suck on, that's all you needed to be satisfied.

Though, he always goes out of his way to make you feel good too, maybe he doesn't spoil you with material items, i feel like Jason is a bit more sentimental, so instead he takes you out to nice restaurants, amusement parks, rage rooms lazer tag- anything and anywhere as long as he gets to spend time with you.

He has no need for a girlfriend either, because he has you, his best friend that he gets to fuck- whats better than that.

Tim Drake:

You're his assistant at Wayne Enterprises, you had been working under him for the past couple of years, since you were about 16 and started your internship there. You both went to the Academy too, so it was easy for you and Tim to fall into a routine together. He'd come to your place and pick you up every morning, you'd get coffee then go to school on the weekdays, then when you worked on the weekends he would come pick you up again, and instead you'd go to work.

You were and are the best damn assistant he's ever had, you had a fiery spirit and didn't let anyone talk down to you, you made people see you as an equal, always. Even Bruce appreciated the way you stood up for yourself and those around you.

You were also attentive to all of Tim’s needs. Yeah that's what an assistant did, but you did way more. And because of the things you did, he would give you constant pay raises, or bonuses for your hard work… Then he started picking up little nick nacks that he knew you liked, he started paying attention to your coffee order, and he'd go buy you coffee.

Best part was, you didn't even notice that he was spoiling you, but your coworkers sure did, and they started the gossip train about you being Tim’s sugar baby.

When it finally reached yours and Tim’s ears, you kind of gave each other a look from across the office.

And then you fell into another rhythm… every day at 2 o’clock during his facetime meeting, you'd be under his desk…

if you could make him break, he’d give you his black card.

This was an arrangement you could get behind.

Damian Wayne:

For some reason you caught his eye. Don't worry, it baffled him too. He didn't understand why he found you so exhilarating.

He hated it.

He talked to you, but he'd degrade you,make fun of you, every chance he got, but he'd always use it as an excuse to get close to you.

When it was time for the senior dance, he found out that you had a few guys asking for you to be their date.

He didn't like that.

One day in the hallway, he walked up to you and he practically shoved you into the lockers. “your going to be my date to senior prom.” He demanded.

You stared at him, an unimpressed look across your face. He stammered. “I- i mean…will- will you go to senior prom with me?” he corrected his sentence-

corrected his sentence! what have you done to him?? This cold, bratty batboy, the richest kid in gotham- and he was groveling at your feet from just one look on your face.

You've reduced him to- to… a simp.

Blasphemy.

Tag list:

All: @francesfarhadi @only-my-unexistent-fiances

Batfam:

BW: @ilaiise

DG: @ilaiise

JT: @ilaiise

TD: @ilaiise

DW: @ilaiise

[hannieehaee]

How would loser jk react to the oc giving him a boo/spooky basket? (A gift basket given in fall/halloween time with whatever the person likes with just more fall/halloween themed items if you didnt know!) This thought wouldn’t leave my head for some reason while i was reading the latest loser jk 😭

content: loser!jk, halloween stuff, some insecurities from jk, pure fluff, mentions of making out etc.

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, (extra)

wc: 600

a/n: this was just a short little halloween themed drabble for my loser!jk couple. thank u for requesting and i hope u enjoyed!!

masterlist

"this is for me?"

your nod was far too giddy and excited. the poor boy was already in shock at your sudden gift, staring at you with those gigantic eyes as he looked at the basket you'd laid on his lap.

a shy smile took over his lips, bunny teeth biting onto the plush of his bottom lip to conceal a smile.

"i- what's the occasion?"

"it's halloween, bunny! it's a boo basket for my boyfriend!", you said happily, pressing a quick peck to his cheek.

he could no longer conceal his smile, you knew this. it was the word boyfriend. he always had a viscerally adorable reaction when you called him the b word.

and he looked specially adorable in his vampire costume.

well, maybe adorable wasn't the right word. but your nerdy little boyfriend looking hot was not a can of worms you wanted to open — because if you found him hot, that meant other girls would too, and that was a huge no-no (though maybe you should get that possessiveness checked).

for now, you appreciated the pretty boy sitting in front of you as he looked through the basket, eyes lighting up like a kid on christmas morning. his little 'oooh's and 'ah's as he went through the assortment of halloween themed gifts made your heart warm.

then suddenly he halted.

"what's wrong, baby?"

"i- i didnt get you anything," he pouted up at you, genuine worry in his eyes.

"that's okay, bunny-"

"no, god, i'm such a bad boyfriend. you're so nice to me and i- fuck, i'm sorry. i didn't realize halloween was a couples' holiday. ive never had a girlfriend before. i had no idea," he rambled on, looking genuinely remorseful at his lack of gift.

you couldn't help but pout at the poor boy. he worried too easily. it was adorable, but it also made your heart hurt a bit. the poor thing felt like he had to apologize over such a needless issue.

your only solution was to shut him up by sitting on his lap, moving the basket to the side before gifting him all your attention.

"c'mon, baby, you know i don't care about that. plus, i made this basket for the two of us. we have a cute lil matching costume," you gestured to your matching vampire outfits, "and now we have spooky snacks and fuzzy pumpkin socks so we can watch scary movies together. see? no harm, no foul," you traced at his cheek, biting your lip at the way in which he continued to get flustered at the attention despite it not being new in your relationship.

"okay," he sighed, "thank you for the gift," he repeated before giving you an innocent peck on your lips.

god. he was the cutest thing.

you got up from his lap then, taking note of the tiny frown on his face upon the newfound distance between you. extending your hand, you got him to stand up beside you. your hands went to pat at any wrinkles you'd left on his outfit by sitting on him, unable to help yourself in casual touches.

"now, come on. we have a halloween party to hit and some trick or treating to do. we can come back home and make out after that. i wanna smudge that lipstick," you grinned at him, booping at his nose as you eyed what would soon be a mess of red on his lips.

he nodded happily as he took your hand and allowed you to lead him out of the apartment, spooky basket in his other hand.

[pedge-page]

Joel Dealing with Preggo Wife: The Ice Cream Fiasco

Summary: Wifey's first pregnancy cravings hit, and Joel has to troubleshoot options. (takes place early on first pregnancy)

Warnings: Fluff, crazy emotions flying, swearing, and vulgar sexual language at the end.

- - - -

Ya’ll might think that Joel had always been the perfect husband, suited to adapt to your any and all needs like he was born with it the moment you were pregnant.

I’m here to tell you, he wasn’t always that on top of it. In fact, the man had quite a bit of failures at first.

There’s also a reason why Clive’s Creamery is the go-to destination for all your desserts. In fact, its the same reason the Dairy Queen right next door is excommunicated in the Miller Household…

He remembered when the first cravings started. You had wanted a blizzard. Cookie dough. Chocolate ice cream. LARGE.

Easy Peasy.

He gets just that, plus a small chocolate ice cream dipped in hard shell for himself. 

Well, you didn’t know he was going to get himself something. Something that, quite frankly, as soon as you saw him holding it for himself as you greedily accepted the jumbo cup of blizzard, you suddenly wanted more.

He is about to take a bite of his ice cream when you loudly shout, “Ah ah!”

He almost drops the damn thing. “What’s wrong?”

“Can—can I have some…whatever you don’t finish?” You ask politely. You were still holding yourself accountable from any outburst that might want to…burst out.

Though, you doubted you'd reach that point ever.

He nods. That’s reasonable. He can just… eat the shell, and you could have the filling part!

When he hands you his saliva-melting ice cream, licked and bitten clean of the hard shell, you face sours.

“What the fuck Joel. Why would I want this?”

“What do you mean…you said you would finish it?” 

You stomp your foot down almost like a tantrum ridden child. “I WANTED THE HARD SHELL. WHY WOULD I WANT THIS.”

“I didn’t know! You didnt say—!”

“DO I HAVE TO, MILLER?” You roared, getting on your heels with threatening eyes, diminishing him. “DO I HAVE TO BE EXPLICIT ABOUT SOMETHING SO OBVIOUS?”

He’s half scrunched to fear, never having seen you so ferocious over some measly ice cream, when suddenly the loud gurgling from your stomach cuts the air.

You look down briefly at your tummy. Your hand clasps it gently before you're quickly wobbling off to the bathroom. 

He stands there, a bit confused, but now he knows for next time. Joel just finishes off the rest of his cone, chucking the honey coated wrapper when—

“DID YOU JUST FINISH IT?????????” You bellow, returning from the hallway.

“Y-you--said you didn't want it now!”

“JOEL. MOTHERFUCKING. MILLER.”

But before you start another shout, your face quickly softens, down turning into a trembling mess as you let out a devastating wail. “I—j-j-just—wa—wanted!—hiccup—it!” You cry. 

And holy hell, you cried. He’d never seen you cry so hard, let alone for a half eaten ice cream cone.

You fell to your knees and gripped his forearm, tears splashing down your cheeks as you huffed.

This might be... a lot more difficult of a pregnancy than he originally thought.

-

Ok so Joel learned very quickly — bring the wife next time.

His next trial came very soon in the face of the next evening.

As he rolls up to the drive-thru window, you announce quickly “CHOCOLATE. DIPPED IN HARD SHELL. WITH—“

But the young worker quickly interrupts “We’re out of chocolate.”

He didn’t know why, but something chilly just ran right through Joel’s soul right there.

You blinked at the clerk. “Excuse me?”

“Um—we don’t have chocolate. We’re out—“

You lean over Joel. “What. Do. You. Mean. You’re. Out?”

“Um—we’re… just… out—“

“Say it again.”

Visibly shaking now, the kid says softly, “there’s… no more… choc—“

Like a dog off her leash, you lunge over Joel’s lap, your palm crashing down on his crotch, causing him to slam his head on the roof. You pay no mind, ready to tear the poor kid to shreds.

“WHAT KIND OF ICE CREAM PLACE DOESN’T HAVE CHOCOLATE??? YOU GOT VANILLA RIGHT? RIGHT????”

“Y-yes—?” The kid said frighteningly, looking around for help.

“YOU GOT SOME CHOCOLATE SAUCE?”

“Y—“

“THEN WHAT’S thE PROBLEM HUH? WHERE’S THE CHOCOLATE? HUH YOU GOT VANILLA? AND CHOCO--WHAT'S SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND? WHY ARE YOU EVEN OPEN—“

Joel finally regains his composure, his arm protectively holding you back as you lament, eyes crazy and teeth foaming like a rabid raccoon.

“I’msorryimsorryimsorryimsorry—“ he repeats to the kid, just as he puts the car in drive and leaves the line.

You settle back down in your seat grumpily.

Joel stares forward, frightened by the beast next to him. 

“Okay. Where are you taking me next for some ice cream?” You ask innocently, as if you weren’t about to be charged with assaulting some teen for no chocolate ice cream.

Joel hesitantly glared back at you.

What kind of demon baby was brewing inside you?

-

So now we’re back to making sure you DON’T participate in your own snack runs. Joel gives you a menu ahead of time so you can mark off the items you want like a sushi checklist. Then he calls you right before he orders to make sure it’s still what you want.

But Dairy Queen was on day 3 of no chocolate ice cream.

He finds you furiously typing on his desktop keyboard when he gets home, slams the print button, and tears off the sheet.

“Mail this,” you seethe, scribbling down the address on a note sheet.

Joel takes on look at the first line and knew immediately he’s putting this in the shredder:

DEAR MOTHERFUCKER.

It was a letter addressed to the Dairy Queen corporate head office, specifically, the CEO’s desk.

He scanned briefly: lots of “you motherfuckers” this and “chocolate is a birthright” that. Even a sentence that read “I will personally pop my baby out in your lap and eat your innards alive if you do not provide the chocolateS to the local church [the address of the Dairy Queen next store]”

The “signature” line was your signature alright, with a hefty spit you had personally left.

He looks up at you, only to see you’re beaming with pride. 

“It’s good right? That’ll get their attention. No more of this ‘no chocolate’ nonsense.”

Joel didn’t have the heart to tell you that it wasn’t the chocolate that was missing. He had stopped by this afternoon and asked if there was an update, only to find the machine that mixed it was down and missing a spare part. Said it would be another week before it would be up and working though.

He had to find an alternative and fast. Preferably before you find out he never mailed that letter, and definitely before you storming into the building with a torch and gasoline.

“I don’t even LIKE Dairy Queen!” You shouted in the middle of the house, folding your arms with a pout. “I DON’T EVEN LIKE —"

“Who are you talking to?” Joel asks, bringing you your lemonade. 

“The Dairy Gods.” You drop your voice to a whisper, “Maybe they’ll think if I’m not on to them, they’ll bring it back.”

You were officially going insane.

So Joel started asking around. Something that only had good reputation, welcoming to kids and adults, extended hours… None of his friends had any idea. Even Tommy, so immune to your wrath, asked simply "What about that dairy queen next to your--"

"Don't even say it."

He needed some inside scoop (sigh) from some hardcore locals...

He slides a crisp $5 bill to the one 7 year old boy down the block. “What you got?” Joel asks, looking around as if they’re making a criminal deal.

“I know a place…” he brags, checking the authenticity of the bill.

“Ain’t got all day kid. Where?”

“It’s called Clive’s…Clive’s Creamery.”

Joel hadn’t heard of it. “S’good?”

“The BEST.”

“How about chocolate? They got that?”

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“You wanna make the drive out there and find out?”

Joel grits his teeth and ponies up another $5.

The kid flicks it satisfyingly. “Chocolate is their speciality. I recommend the milkshakes…I’m sure there’s one for ya lady.”

Joel rubs his curly head with a stern look. “Alright. Get on ya bike. And don’t be coming’ over to my house in 9 months askin’ if my newborn can play with ya. You’re too old.”

“Likewise, silver!” The kid shouted, poking his tongue out before peddling away on his bike.

Joel scoffed, but then took a moment to feel his beard and stubble…wondering if those stray grays were getting less stray…

-

Gentleman Joel helped you into the passenger seat.

“Where we goin’? You ask, cooke crumbs cascading from your open mouth and all over the car seat.

He settles in and turns on the car.

He smirks. “Somewhere new. Its gonna be a surprise, baby—“

You grip his hair and yank him down to your nose. “Don’t pull this shit Miller, tell me where ya takin’ me,” you growl.

“ICE CREAM.  ITS ICE CREAM!” He shouts, and you quickly let go.

“Ooh yay!” You clap your hands together and face forward, excited once again.

It’s a 12 minute drive, not nearly as long as he thought. He’s taking a big risk, bringing you here without testing the goods first.

God, those $10 bucks he lost to that kid better have been worth it…

He parks along the side of the street. The shop is small on the outside, almost unnoticeable amongst the rows of boutiques and thrift stores.

He opens the door for you, and is instantly greeted by a heavenly, sweet, but tolerable gust of chocolate scented air.

Your jaw drops: “THE MOTHERSHIP!”

The place looked like Willy Wonka’s Chocolate factory.  Rows of handmade bite sized sweets and candy encrusted chocolate bars, with walls adorned with endless tubes of M&M’s, truffles, and caramel bites. The main eye catcher was the handmade ice cream section right in the middle with its rumbling state of the art soft serve machine and benders running a hundred miles a minute whipping up a decadent array of all sorts of flavors.

Joel should have paid that kid $50.

He loses you for just a moment ,but you’re already repeating your order while looking at the board at the cashier. “Yes the—Fudge Cookie Dough Chocolate Gooey Fantasy milkshake please. Can you add extra rainbow sprinkles?”

That sounds like death in a cup, Joel thinks.

She rings it up. “That’s $11.98.”

Your feet immediately shuffle to Joel.

It takes him a second to clear his ear out. “12 bucks for a milkshake??” He says a little too loudly. 

You stare at him with incessant, almost deadly eyes.

“I mean yeah. Here—“ he hands the cash.

They whip it up in no time. You’re too giddy standing at the receiving window, foots stammering back and forth like a little marcher as you’re handed an absolute chocolate monstrosity in a tall glass.

You tear the straw wrapper with your teeth, puck it in, and take that first sip.

This better have been worth it…

He waits for your reaction.

At first, nothing, but then a shiver runs through your entire body, not quite like a cold one but like an orgasm resetting your brain.

“Joel.”

“Yeah? How is it?”

“Let’s go home.”

“Why? What’s wrong.”

“Take me home now.”

Ah shit, it wasn’t good? What now? Why—“

“I want you to fuck me in the ass while I drink this—“

He covers your lips with his burly hand. “Alright just—lets use quiet voice—“

But you mumble through, with no care: “I want your big fat meaty cock absolutely devastating my pussy and rearranging my guts while I drink this, and then I’ll give you the sloppiest hand job known to man—“

He’s pushing you out the door as quickly as possible.

Guess even when it’s a good experience, he still shouldn’t be bringing you out in public.

You slurp your creamy shake all the way home. At one point, you offer him some, and he gladly dips his head so his tongue can capture the straw. He’s dying to know what all the fuss is about, especially since you’re rubbing on hand on your crotch while the other holds the shake.

Unfortunately, he doesn’t even have a second to start sucking before you pull it out of his mouth. “Don’t drink it all!” You scold, sucking it back down for yourself. 

Anyway, you two end up having some of the best sex of your life. 

And Joel learns $12 for a milkshake is a fantastic deal.

- - - -

Taglist:

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