#the point is they all Are attracted to women and they should kiss <33 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kkodzvken · 4 years ago

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take the dive - sugawara koushi x milf!reader

tags/warnings: smut, 18+ ONLY! slight dubcon, infidelity, post timeskip (suga teaches reader’s kids). overstimulation and slight dumbification, oral (f. receiving), unprotected sex, semi-public (in an empty classroom)

a/n: this is my piece for @ultimate-astridwriting’s milf fuckers collab, which you can find here!! thank you for hosting this astrid, and thank u to everyone in the server for ur love and support as i worked on this <33. title cred: take the dive by jonghyun

wc: 3.9k

Amidst a faculty full of stuffy old dinosaurs and suits, Sugawara Koushi is a breath of fresh air. He’s a welcome distraction, a pretty face to focus on at dull PTA meetings and assemblies. And you knew that you weren’t the only one making heart eyes at him. Everywhere that he went, heads turned, and moms whispered. At the bus stop, on the sidelines of sports matches, in the waiting rooms outside dance classes.

It was just that, though -- just whispers. Little knowing glances and nudged shoulders, dreamy sighs and brief sinful indulgences. Nothing more than a brief escape from the monotony of your everyday lives. You’d lose yourselves in the fantasy for a few seconds, and then pull your heads down from the clouds and plant your feet on solid ground. You enjoyed your gossip with the other moms, and then you returned home, to your husband and children. To your family.

You love them, of course. Your children are your world, and your husband is a good man. He’s a good man, and that’s what made it so hard. He treats you well, keeps his words soft and never once put his hands on you.��

He may be good, but, God, was he boring. You can’t remember the last time that he’d even kissed you, let alone fucked you. He came home later and later each night, too tired from work to do anything but silently scarf down his dinner and plant himself on the couch in front of the television. He dragged himself into bed hours after you did. He tried to be quiet, he really did, but he woke you up every single night with his stomping and shuffling. When you snuggled closer to him, he pushed you off. My back hurts too bad, he’d say, voice tinged with regret. Remind me to book another appointment with the chiropractor.

It was always some excuse or another.

So, really, you couldn’t blame yourself for your wandering eye. You weren’t going to act on it, of course -- you weren’t a cheater -- but the young teacher was something to occupy yourself with. A pretty face to fill your thoughts as you wrangled your horde of screaming kids from swim lessons to dance practice to art classes. A pretty, pretty body to imagine as you fucked yourself with your fingers, teeth sinking into your bottom lip to muffle your moans. You couldn’t help but imagine that it was him, lithe body leaning over yours. No complaints of aching backs and sore muscles, none of the complications that came with age.

You’d leave your husband catatonic on the couch, put the kids to sleep, and then go dream of their hot teacher. You should’ve been more ashamed, but there was a part of you that loved the thrill of it. You flushed whenever you saw Mr. Sugawara the next morning, memories of your illicit thoughts filling your mind, but it also made your body feel electric.

Of course there was a part of you that longed to throw caution to the wind and jump the young man, but your conscience was much stronger than your weak, lustful thoughts. You were happy with the way things were now. As dull as your husband was, and as insufferable as the children could sometimes be, you were happy.

This was all you had ever wanted. A house in the suburbs, a husband with a well-paying job, three kids and a dog. You’re living the fucking dream. You’re happy, you tell yourself.

So why the fuck are you so unsatisfied?

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

With a deep breath, you stare down the heavy glass doors at the school’s entrance. You want nothing more than to find the idiot architect who designed this building, and strangle him for installing pull doors. Your arms are already sore from carrying the giant tray of brownies from your car to the front of the school, and you worry that if you put the treats down to open the door, you wouldn’t be able to lift them up again. A quick glance at your watch tells you that you have two minutes left to reach the gym where the bake sale is being held. The PTA president is notorious for hating latecomers, and you weren’t in the mood to get your head bit off.

You’re debating doing some gymnastics and using your foot to grab the handle, when you notice footsteps approaching from behind you. You open your mouth to ask for help, but they beat you to it. “Let me get the door,” says their syrupy, melodic voice.

Their familiar voice.

Your body practically freezes as a strong arm reaches over your shoulder. Long fingers – fingers that you’ve fantasized about too many times to count – twist the handle and push it open easily. You don’t know how you didn’t notice him approaching sooner, but now that he’s here, your senses are in overdrive. The sweet scent of his cologne, the sound of his breath, the warmth of his body – it’s all too much, and it makes your knees feel weak.

“Mr. Sugawara,” you say, voice coming out much breathier than you intended. This must be some kind of Pavlovian response from all your fantasizing, because there is no reason for your stomach to be twisting right now. “Thank you.”

He grins sheepishly and steps away, and you hate the way that your body screams at you to lean into him. “It’s no problem. Is that for the bake sale? Here, let me carry it for you.”

You try to protest, but there’s really no point. His long fingers are already pushing yours to the sides, and you swear you’ve been electrified as he pulls the tray out of your hands. It’s a shame, really, that he’s wearing a button-down. The sleeves are rolled up to his forearms, at least, but you would’ve loved to see his biceps flex as he carried that tray…

What am I doing? You dig your nails into your palm to snap yourself out of your thoughts, but it’s hard to stay lucid when he’s so beautiful. He carries the brownies with ease, using just one arm to support their weight as the other holds the door open for you. It should make you upset, that you’re so weak in comparison to him, but the thought just makes you feel even more breathless. He’s so strong, so young, and so unlike your husband.

“Thank you,” you say again as he steps into the building behind you. You reach for the tray, but he waves you off.

“Nonsense. I’ll walk you to the gym.”

“Oh, really, you don’t have to—”

“I insist. Anything for my favorite mom.”

His…favorite? His words leave you too stupefied to protest any further, and he takes your silence as compliance. Your body automatically follows in his footsteps as he paces down the hallways.

He looks over at you and smiles comfortingly. It lights up his entire face, but does little to ease your turbulent thoughts.

Your mind is still fixated on his words as you step onto the squeaky wood flooring of the gymnasium. Sugawara calmly walks over to the PTA president, who looks like she’s about to rip her hair out. She’s surrounded by a gaggle of other moms, all jabbering away with concern painted across their faces.

“Is something wrong, ladies?” he asks. His voice snaps them all out of their conversation, and their eyes widen as they take him in.

“Yes,” says the PTA president scornfully. “We were supposed to have the brownies here already! The sale starts in ten minutes, and if this keeps up, I won’t have enough time to inventory everything and make it presentable, and –”

“I have the brownies,” you cut in, resisting the urge to roll your eyes.

She blanches, and looks from you to the tray in Sugawara’s arms. An oh is all she can muster before grabbing the brownies and rushing off.

“Is everything okay?” one of the other moms asks, her voice laced with fake sweetness. “Oh, and you look so tired, dear. If you couldn’t manage your part, you should’ve just said so!”

“It would’ve been no trouble,” another woman says. “I’d have had no trouble whipping up a tray for you! Everyone always does love my baking.”

You grit your teeth and resist the urge to snap at them. It’s always like this – the other moms seem so in tune with their lives of domestic bliss, playing games of politics and constantly competing to be the best. Try as you might, you just can’t satisfy yourself with a life like theirs.

The material of Sugawara’s shirt brushes against you, and you start. He doesn’t pull away as you flinch, instead gently resting his hand on the small of your back. “Sorry to interrupt, but can I steal her away? Mrs. (L/N), I have your son’s science fair project sitting in my classroom. He keeps forgetting to bring it home. Would you like to go collect it now?”

You nod, relieved at the excuse to escape these women and their sickening artificial sweetness. Sugawara gently guides you with the hand on your back. You can’t help but internally smirk at the thinly-veiled jealousy on the faces of the other mothers.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

“This is why you’re my favorite,” Sugawara says, once you’re safely out of earshot. “All these PTA moms are so fake. But you’re not like that, are you?”

You nod, still a bit convinced that this is all a dream. He doesn’t remove his hand from your back as you walk down the hallways, and only pulls away when you reach the door to his classroom. He fishes through his pocket and pulls out a ring of keys, before insert one into the knob and pushing the door open. He gestures for you to enter first, and so you do, blinking at the harsh sudden brightness of the automatic lights.

You awkwardly glance around the room. You’ve been here plenty of times before, but that was all during the daytime, when it was packed full of energetic children. It feels…strange, to be alone in a classroom as an adult. Or, well, alone, except for the stupidly attractive teacher that you’ve been lusting over.

“Where’s the project?” you ask, trying to diffuse some of the tension building in your stomach. “I should head home soon.”

Sugawara leans his back against the door and cocks his head. “You know, I know what you say about me.”

“What?”

“Don’t play dumb.” His eyes rove across your body, lingering on your chest for far longer than they should. “I’m not deaf, you know. I hear all the things you say about me. You’re just like all the other moms.” He pushes off the door, stalking closer to you. You instinctively take a step back. “Only difference is, you might actually have the guts to do something about it.”

Your heart thuds in your chest, so hard that you think your ribs might bruise. “I…I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mr. Sugawara. I-”

You take another step back, and another, and suddenly your back collides with concrete. Your body jolts, and you yelp at the sudden pain.

Sugawara leans closer. One of his hands braces against the board behind your head, and the other one comes up to cradle your face. His long fingers hook under your chin and press, forcing you to tilt your head up and meet his gaze. His thumb brushes against your lip, and you can’t deny how the sensation makes your body feel like jelly.

Every rational thought in your mind is screaming at you to run, to leave, to get away from him and go back to your husband, but God, it’s been so long since you’ve felt like this. It’s been so long since someone’s made your heart race and your breaths quicken, since someone’s made you blush like a schoolgirl over a simple touch.

“What was that you said?” he asks, his voice dripping with honey. “You don’t know what I’m talking about?”

You swallow and bite the inside of your cheek. The pain does nothing to clear the fog inside your mind. “I-I don’t, I-”

“You do,” he interrupts, his thumb still toying with your lip. “You’re so fucking obvious. I bet you’re wet already, aren’t you?”

“Mr. Sugawara!” His lewd words make you gasp, but more than anything, you hate the fact that he’s right. Your body has a mind of its own, and it wants nothing more than to wrap your lips around his thumb and pull him closer. It wants to feel his arms wrapped around you, feel his body towering over you.

But you can’t. As much as you want to, you can’t, because you have a husband at home who’s waiting for you. Sure, he isn’t home right now, because he’s putting in extra hours at the office. And sure, he hasn’t touched you or made you feel desired in weeks. Hell, you haven’t had a genuine conversation in weeks. But he’s still your husband! You try and remind yourself of that. You roll the thought around in your head, hoping that it’ll push your thoughts of Sugawara away.

But the young teacher is persistent, and there’s a glimmer in his eye that makes your chest tighten. “Call me Koushi, princess.”

“Don’t call me princess –”

“What, you’re going to pretend that it didn’t make you wetter? Going to pretend that you aren’t clenching your thighs together right now?” He leans in even closer, so that his breath brushes against your ear as he whispers. “Your body doesn’t lie, baby.”

A whine slips past your lips at his words, and then you gasp, mortified with yourself. But the grin that covers his face makes your transgression worth it, because God, he’s handsome. His hand squeezes your chin even tighter, and then trails down to your neck. Your breath catches in your chest. You’re hyperaware of his every movement, of his fingers trailing across your skin, his touch feather-light. It leaves you aching for more.

You instinctively whine again, and he lets out a noise of surprised delight. “Whining like this, and you’re still denying that you want me? What’s got you so embarrassed?”

“I have a husband,” you hiss – or, at least, you try to hiss. It comes out more like a whimper than anything else.

Sugawara looks at you for a beat – and then throws his head back and laughs. It catches you off guard, and you furrow your brow. “Why the fuck are you laughing?”

He collects himself, but his eyes are still gleaming when he looks back at you. “Sure, you have a husband. But that doesn’t stop you from thinking about me, does it? Tell me, when’s the last time that your husband took care of you? When’s the last time that he touched you, or fucked you, or made you feel good?”

“Mr. Sugawara, this is inappropriate–”

“Stop lying to yourself.” His voice suddenly drops, his stare forceful and deadly serious. “Say the word, and I’ll go. We can pretend this never happened. But anyone with eyes can tell that you’re unsatisfied.”

“I…I don’t…” Your thoughts feel like a wave, building higher and higher. They bounce around your head, reverberating against your skull, so loud that you can’t even think.

“Why are you settling?”

“Mr. Sugawara, please, I–”

“Why are you settling, when you know you want more?”

The wave crests.

You don’t know who moves first, but somehow, your fingers are tangled in his hair, and his lips are slotted against yours. It’s not soft, or sweet – it’s a mess of teeth and tongues and feverish breaths. His hands are everywhere. They trail over your skin, explore the curves of your chest and your stomach, grip tightly at your waist to pull you closer.

“Mr. Sugawara,” you pant against his lips. Your lungs scream for oxygen, but you can’t bear to drag yourself away from him for even a second. He kisses so well. It may be rushed, and messy, but there’s so much hunger behind his actions that it makes your head spin. It’s like his lips are a live wire, and every second that they touch yours, they send a thousand volts of electricity arcing through your body.

“Koushi,” he breathes. “Call me Koushi, please.” You nod, and then hurriedly undo the buttons of his shirt, popping a few off in the process. Neither of you care. His hands finally dip beneath the hem of your dress, and he wastes no time in unceremoniously tugging it off your body.

Your hands instinctively go to cover yourself. Age and childbirth have changed your body, and you know that Mr. Sugawara – no, Koushi – is probably used to beautiful young women. You still don’t understand why his eye landed on you. He surely has dozens of girls his age fawning over him, with flat stomachs and perky tits. Why you?

He grips your wrists and pries your hands away from your body. “Don’t do that,” he says, so gentle in contrast to the fire from just moments ago. “Don’t cover yourself up. You’re beautiful.”

Oh.

You can’t remember the last time that someone called you beautiful. You can’t remember the last time that you felt beautiful.

But right now, with Koushi staring at you, eyes blown out with lust… you feel it.

He sinks onto his knees, lips already pressing little kisses against your hips and upper thighs. You try and protest – really, Koushi, you don’t have to – but he shushes you instantly. He hooks one of your thighs over his shoulder and dives in without hesitation. Even through the fabric of your panties, you’re in fucking heaven. His tongue laves against your clit, focusing so much attention onto the swollen bead that you can’t help but let out a moan.

You slap your hand over your mouth to silence yourself. You’re in an elementary school, for God’s sake. The bake sale is at the other side of the large building, but you’re terrified of someone walking past and catching you. Guilt swirls around your heart, but it’s quick to dissipate when Koushi tugs your panties off and throws them over his shoulder. He buries himself into your cunt again, and it’s even better without the barrier. The coil in your stomach is tightening embarrassingly fast, but you can’t seem to find it in yourself to care. His tongue laps at your folds, slurping lewdly.

The pleasure is overwhelming. Your body moves of its own accord. Your hips grind against Koushi’s face, and he moans right into your cunt. His lips move up to your clit again, alternating between licking and sucking. You’re so focused on his mouth that you barely notice his fingers, so long and pretty, collecting your wetness.

You do notice when he fucks two of those pretty fingers into you. He immediately starts scissoring his fingers to stretch you out, before hooking them against that spot inside of you that makes your head spin. Your entire body is shaking with euphoria, so much that you can’t handle it.

“Close,” you cry out, trying to keep yourself upright. “Close, close, please, don’t stop!”

He moans into you again when you tug at his hair. It’s the push that you need to finally fall over the edge. You bite into your palm to keep from screaming as you gush all over him, chest heaving and eyes tearing up.

He keeps curling his fingers, keeps lapping at your clit, until you tug on his hair and cry that the overstimulation is too much. As he lets your leg down and stands up, he makes a show of licking your cum off his fingers, slurping on them loudly. It would make you embarrassed, but you’re too focused on his other hand as it dips down to his belt. The muscles of his stomach flex as he undoes the buckle. You take the opportunity to rake your eyes over his toned torso. He seems so slender when he’s dressed, but his shoulders are surprisingly broad.

He looks up at you with a little smirk. “Caught you staring,” he teases. You blush as he pulls his pants and boxers down in one go, freeing his cock. It’s already hard, and so pretty, just like him. His tip is red and dripping with precum. You want so badly to get a taste, but Koushi has other plans. He spins you by your shoulders, and then presses at the small of your back to make you lay across his desk.

You groan when you feel him slap his cock against your ass a few times, before running it through your folds to collect your wetness. “Please,” you gasp. “No teasing, please.”

“Just came, and you’re already needy?” he chuckles. “That husband of yours must really not be satisfying you.”

You’re spared from having to think of a retort by him sinking into you. A cry leaves your lips, but it’s too good for you to even care about the sound. He feels like heaven as he sinks into you. His cock stretches you out deliciously.

You’re already feeling delirious as he starts to shallowly thrust and work his way in. “Fuck, you’re tight,” he mutters under his breath, more to himself than to you. “So – fuck…”

You can’t do anything but moan and scratch at the table as he starts to fuck into you in earnest. His cock is perfectly curved to hit your spot every time, and soon you’re reduced to a mess underneath him. His balls slap against your ass with every thrust. It hurts, it’s all too much, but it’s so fucking good. You don’t think you’ve ever felt pleasure like this – mind numbing and all consuming, so powerful that it makes your eyes roll back.

“Fuck,” he groans again, bending down so that he can loom over you and leave little bites all over your back and shoulders. “Not gonna last if you keep squeezing me like that, shit!”

“Faster, please,” you beg, and he obliges. He sets an absolutely brutal pace, somehow managing to fuck you hard, fast, and at the perfect angle all at once. Moans and cries spill freely out of your open mouth. When he reaches forward to toy with your clit, it’s all too much, and it sends you over the edge again. Your body practically spasms as he fucks you through your second orgasm. He shows you no mercy, gives you no time to come down. You don’t know if you’re coming again, or if you just never stopped. Your mind is hazy with pleasure and overstimulation.

You’re a twitching mess by the time that he pulls out, but you still whine at the loss. You’re far too fucked out to turn around and look at him, but in the corner of your consciousness, you can hear him panting and stroking himself furiously. His moans are so beautiful. Within a few short seconds, he’s coming all over your ass, painting your pretty skin white with his seed.

You don’t know how long you’re laying there before he taps your cheek to get your attention. “C’mon now,” he says, a tired smile on his face. “Let’s get you cleaned up. We wouldn’t want your husband finding out, would we?”

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bleulone · 4 years ago

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i love your analysis so much! i have a question as well, like, how do you envision polin's sex scenes ? thanks for your answer (:

Hey! Thank you very much :)) I have no idea if they are that even good but I’m happy you like them. It’s just my brain tending to produce some iNsIGhiTfUL analyses though they usually end up drowned under a huge wave of stupidity and horrid spelling/grammatical mistakes XD. So, about Penelope and Colin’ sex scenes, I guess we’re getting spicy in this house 🌶. I mean, I don’t blame you. Who’s not hot for Polin ?! The steamy Polin hours have already begun and they’re legit challenging my patience. (Be still my Polin heart, be still).

Okay, without further ado, let’s talk about sex baby, shall we ? It’s a pretty long answer/meta so bear with me.

I don’t know if you’ve read Romancing Mister Bridgerton, but a quick reminder (for those who haven’t... yet), there are a bunch of iconic steamy scenes that I’m dying to watch on screen. First we have the famous “thank you” scene where Penelope, now a 28 year-old spinster, asks Colin to kiss her because she doesn’t want to die without having been kissed... then ends up thanking him— which happens to be humiliating for our 33 year-old boy because he thinks that she thinks he did it out of pity while he absolutely did not. The man definitely felt butterflies in his stomach... and in other places as well lol. We also have the ICONIC carriage scene where Colin gives Pen’s generous bosoms™ the attention they deserve. This is followed by his proposal. Later on, after the announcement of their engagement, there’s a pretty hot make-out scene on Lady Violet’s sofa. Finally, we have their first time in Colin’s bedroom, after sneaking out of their own engagement party... which leads Colin to push the wedding date forward. At this point, I just love their horniness, especially Colin’s who’s just so freaking amazed by Penelope for more than 300 pages straight (duh! who isn’t ???).

When you say envision, I suppose you mainly refer to the way those scenes will be filmed right ? I’m afraid I don’t have an advanced knowledge in film-making but let me start by telling you what elements need to be depicted. I would love Shonda and Chris to capture the real essence of our boos’ feelings : the yearning, the love, the respect and the guilt (specifically on Colin’s side) in their eyes. The more we move forward throughout the seasons, the more we see different layers of the perceptions of they have of each other, going from a childish idealization/immature ignorance to a sudden realization. A mature one. Penelope goes beyond the facade of the charming devil-may-care guy to meet the seriousness and temper of her significant other. Meanwhile Colin discovers how confident, powerful and attractive this woman is and always has been. It echoes what I’ve written about the importance of the gaze in Polin’s love story in this meta. By the time season 4 hits, man... their heart eyes and eye-fucking will jump OUT XD, all fibers of their beings, burning with need. The fact that this evolution took literally years is very emotionally painful, which is why I find it important to keep the slowness aspect of their relationship before and during their love making. I’m really looking forward a slow build-up toward their intimacy. It would differ from Daphne and Simon who merely shared one hell of a kiss in Lady Trowbridge’s garden then shared their sexy times after they married or Anthony and Siena’s rough sex... In fact, there’s a certain (sweet) ardent tenderness in Polin I like due to the fact that they’re slowly (re)discovering each other, as adults. Since they were both introduced in season 1, the audience will have all the time in the world to notice numerous evidences of the many natures of love they have for one another : from an affectionate and friendly love to a more carnal and enduring one.

Okay so, in terms of filming, with Netflix’s Bridgerton being a show which promotes the female gaze, it wouldn’t be that much of a surprise watching those sex scenes being shot from Penelope’s perspective, like it was the case with Daphne in the first installment of the series. Most of the time, sex scenes in Historical Romance are not gratuitous. Their presence serve an important purpose in a hero/heroine’s journey. In Penelope’s case, they’re here to help her learn to embrace and love herself. In other words, sexuality is synonym of freedom. I don’t know if they’ll show a lot of skin, but I won’t be complaining considering the fact that we’ll have the chance to get a chief kiss treat on screen : a plus size woman in a major successful Netflix period drama getting a love story as romantic and steamy as other more “fit” female characters. No, your weight doesn’t prevent you from being desirable at all. As far as I’m concerned, I haven’t watched a plus-size female character portrayed as an attractive protagonist in a period drama (please if you have, let me know, I can be wrong). Having a beautiful half bare curvy body like Nicola’s being equally filmed like numerous slim actresses will be so inspiring and powerful to watch, especially for (young) women who struggle, like Penelope, to love their body shape which, to them, doesn’t “fit” the “beauty standards”. By showing her female gaze and portraying her as seductive, Pen’s “supposed” imperfections transform themselves into mighty assets, loved and worshipped by our dashing Mister Bridgerton. That’s body positivity at its finest darling ;).

It will be deliciously erotic watching the undressing process being exquisitely slow, garment by garment, while their gaze are all heated and hungry. Their sex/make-out scenes should be tender and passionate, sweet and raw. The lightning, colored by a dark blood orange yellow or a blue depending the locations^^. Moreover, the depiction of the exploration of Penelope’s desire can translate itself thanks to multiple close ups. For instance, I can imagine a few ones on Pen’s fingers gently roaming over the smooth skin of Colin’s firm chest and back/touching his hair right after he removed his shirt. And a disheveled Colin letting his hands and lips making a journey of their own, mapping, conquering the alluring unknown territory that is her gorgeous voluptuous body... kissing her on the places he knows oh too well will give her pleasure (is this me wanting him to go down on her?— um yeah I sure hope it IS! If he doesn’t, trust me imma riot... AGAIN). Even a close up on her face while Colin is performing his addictively pleasing torment will be a marvelous proof of the female gaze. By the way, why not even adding a post-coital scene after their first time ? I can picture Penelope waking up first and contemplate her handsome soon-to-be husband. She’d bring her hand to his face and let it travel all around his forehead, his cheeks, his lips, his neck and let it rest on his heart— making sure that what she��s just experience was real... obviously, Colin will wake up in the process and he’ll take this as his cue to go for another round of sexy times under the sheets.

Showing Pen reaction is essential according to me because she was stuck with the idea that she would never experience the luxury of being loved, giving pleasure nor receiving it... she ended up being happily wrong. Throughout her multiple intimate encounters with Colin, I want her to progressively realizes that she can be an active partner. In the carriage, she knew she had an effect on him, but it’s not until their first time that she actually realizes it. Hence the reason why I WANT the mirror’s introduction in one of their sex scenes. Here’s as a little reminder an excerpt from chapter 18 :

“I want to see you sitting up," he groaned, "so I can see them full and lovely and large [about Pen’s breasts]. And then I want to crawl behind you and cup you." His lips found her ear and his voice dropped to a whisper. "And I want to do it in front of a mirror."

“Now?” she squeaked.

He seemed to consider that for a moment, then shook his head. "Later," he said, and then repeated it in a rather resolute tone. "Later.”

It would be such a shame if the show doesn’t use the incredible potential of this object (/kink). I mean, the symbolism is pretty clear. Penelope has always fled her “ugly” reflection but it seems like Colin wants to show the real her, the beauty that holds every single inch her alabaster skin and the effects they have on him. Thus, I would love to watch a scene where Colin just praises the alluring goddess and siren that is Penelope Featherington. Just imagine! Just IMAGINE the power of this scene : a shirtless Colin sitting behind her on a bed, meeting her gaze in the mirror, his lips touching her right ear, biting and licking the lobe sometimes, whispering all kinda of dirty yet poetic words to her while letting his hands caress her thighs, her hips, her arms, her lovely bosoms™... oof. At the same time, a wonderful and harmonic instrumental music will play in the background and match the melodic partition of shudders, breathes and moans let out by our lovers. I can imagine Luke inspiring himself from his performance in the 2019 short film, Youth In Bed. The way he conveyed the awe and the yearning on his face, in his eyes with his mouth slightly open when he knelt before his partner Shun Yin was just captivating and— and so Colin! I cannot help but bring myself to picture Ethan, the character he played in YIB, in a Polin steamy scene. I cannot unsee this anymore jsksk. I mean, all this gifset radiates this book4chapter18!Colin, you cannot tell me otherwise!

Also, I would love Shonda and Chris to keep Pen and Colin’s cute/emotional pillow talk. One thing I really love in JQ’s books is the concern she gives to her male protagonists about potentially hurting their partner during the act of penetration. Colin is a rake, and what his experience with women taught him is that he needs to be very gentle with the love of his life. It was so adorable seeing him not wanting to harm her and asking her to tell him if he does anything she doesn’t like 🥺. Plus, before actually doing it, Colin and Penelope shared a few kisses and just laid down side by side, confessing their love. Though our boy kept feeling guilty about not returning her love after all these years. He desires nothing but to make up for the lost time and show his love and desire during this special intimate moment. I hope they’ll keep all of chapter 18’s dialogue. It’s just so telling of our boos’ feelings, you see.

All in all, I can’t wait to watch those Polin steamy scenes. As much as I may sound crazy, I want them after two other seasons of pure pining and yearning in order to have a very good payoff. I’m not an expert on depicting intimacy on screen, but I loved so far what Lizzy Talbot, the intimacy coordinator who worked on the show, have done in season 1. Sex scenes in Bridgerton seem very real and dive you in the intimacy of the moment, leaving you all flustered and hot. So probs to her! I have faith in her work and have no doubts about what her and the directors will serve us in future seasons. Though, in the end, I think it’s mostly up to the actors, Nicola and Luke, to see if they’re comfortable filming sex scenes.

If you guys have any suggestions or wishes for those steamy polin scenes, please do share them :) by commenting on this post or by sending me asks! I’d love reading your thoughts/take on this very important matter ;))

#bleulone answers #meta and gush #polin #colin x penelope #bridgerton #colin bridgerton #penelope featherington #polin meta #ask #anon #luke newton #julia quinn #nicola coughlan

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3raaaachachacha · 4 years ago

Text

10:33 am

Lee Jeno x female reader / 498 words / angst / fluff

Warnings: none

part one | part two

⊱ ──────────────────────── ⊰

You groaned as you held your head while sitting up in the familiar sheets. You opened an eye to see a glass of water and some painkillers on the side table. The realization that you were at Jeno’s made the events of last night come rushing back to your memory. Why did you say those things? Why did you kiss Jeno on the cheek? Now he’s going to know that you like him.

You went to the kitchen to find Jeno cooking a light breakfast for the two of you as he smiled your way when he saw you appear in only his t-shirt. He could feel his cheeks heat up a bit from the attractive sight.

“How did you sleep?” Jeno asked as he dished the eggs onto a plate.

“Alright. Jen, I’m really sorry for whatever I did or said-” You began as you could feel your heart rate increase from how nervous you were suddenly.

“Y/N. I think I need to tell you something before you try to apologize,” Jeno began as he gave you a dish of food with a cold glass of water, “Last night, I realized that you like me. You confessed some things, you did some things, and I was pretty surprised,” You hide your face into your hands as you swear you could cry from how embarrassed you felt, “But those things made me realize that you like me just like I like you,” After the words came out of his mouth, you lifted your head to met his gaze with a shocked expression.

“Wait, what did you say?” You asked, needing him to repeat himself in case you misheard him.

“I’ve had a massive crush on you for a while Y/N, that’s why I’ve been single all this time. No point in dating around when you know who you want to be with,” Jeno casually said before taking a sip of his orange juice.

You took a second to process what was being said and how relaxed Jeno was, “So you know that I like you?” You could feel your cheeks heat up as you felt embarrassed to admit it out loud for some reason.

Jeno nodded his head with a smile, “You like me and I like you. So, why don’t I take you out on a fun date tonight?” He chuckled lightly, feeling his ears grow red.

You nodded your head a bit too quick, making Jeno feel at ease, “I’ll pick you up at six. You should eat up and go take a shower beautiful,” Jeno winked before getting up to do the dishes.

How could he think you were beautiful? Your hair was a mess and you had a bit of makeup smeared on your face. You smiled to yourself before finishing your breakfast and making your way to the bathroom happily. Maybe not all men were selfish and arrogant. Maybe, Jeno could change your views on how men should properly treat women. Who knows?

⊱ ──────────────────────── ⊰

- Admin 🦋

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go-redgirl · 4 years ago

Photo

'Anti-democratic': Cuomo lashes out at calls to resign after new allegations emerge

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo on Sunday made clear he will not be resigning after two additional women accused him of behaving inappropriately when they worked for him.

In a conference call with reporters, Cuomo struck a more defiant tone, saying demands from politicians that he resign are "anti-democratic." Cuomo said his administration's work in helping the state recover from the pandemic is too important for him to step aside now.

"There is no way I resign," he said.

Cuomo's comments followed claims made Saturday in the Wall Street Journal and the Washington Post by Ana Liss and Karen Hinton, respectively, whose harassment allegations are similar to those made in recent weeks by former Cuomo aides Charlotte Bennett and Lindsey Boylan.

Liss, now 35, told the Journal that when she served as a policy and operations aide to Cuomo, 63, from 2013 to 2015, he once hugged her, kissed her on both cheeks and grabbed her waist for a photo.

"Reporters and photographers have covered the governor for 14 years watching him kiss men and women and posing for pictures," Cuomo senior advisor Rich Azzopardi said in a statement Saturday.

"At the public open house mansion‎ reception there are hundreds of people and he poses for hundreds of pictures," he said. "That's what people in politics do."

Hinton worked as a press aide to Cuomo when he led the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development under President Bill Clinton. She told the Post he once summoned her to his hotel room, embraced her, then pulled her back to him when she pulled away. She made similar remarks in an interview with NBC New York.

"It was inappropriate. We both were married. I worked for him and it was too much to make it so personal and intimate," she told NBC New York.

Two people close to Hinton said she had described the episode to them, according to NBC New York. One of them said Hinton called her shortly after the alleged incident.

Peter Ajemian, Cuomo’s director of communications, told the Post, "This did not happen."

"Karen Hinton is a known antagonist of the Governor’s who is attempting to take advantage of this moment to score cheap points with made up allegations from 21 years ago," he said.

Video: 2 more women accuse Gov. Andrew Cuomo of inappropriate behavior (TODAY)

Play Video

2 more women accuse Gov. Andrew Cuomo of inappropriate behaviorClick to expand

She also told NBC New York that, while at HUD, Cuomo made hiring decisions based on looks.

"I sat in on [one] interview and he told me later she wasn’t attractive enough for the job so he didn’t hire her," she said.

Liss and Hinton did not immediately respond Saturday night to requests by NBC News for comment.

Hinton responded to Ajemian's remarks by telling the Post, "Attacking the accuser is the classic playbook of powerful men trying to protect themselves."

Speaking Sunday, Cuomo said Hinton's claims are "not true."

"As everybody who has been involved in any level in New York politics knows, she has been a longtime political adversary of mine," he said, claiming Hinton "has made many accusations" about him.

Responding to Liss, Cuomo said he did take a photo with her but said as a politician it is "commonplace" to take such pictures.

The Post also interviewed other Cuomo subordinates who claimed he created a hostile and toxic work environment, in which he sometimes demeaned men in front of their coworkers.

"The people of this state elected the Governor to represent them four times during the last 14 years and they know he works day and night for them," Azzopardi said in a written response to the Post report.

"There is no secret these are tough jobs, and the work is demanding, but we have a top tier team with many employees who have been here for years, and many others who have left and returned," he said. "The Governor is direct with employees if their work is sub-par because the people of New York deserve nothing short of excellence."

The accusations came after Bennett, 25, a former executive assistant and health policy adviser in the Cuomo administration, said he once asked her about her sex life and whether or not she slept with older men. Her claims were first reported in the New York Times on Feb. 27.

Boylan, a deputy secretary for economic development and special adviser to the governor from 2015 to 2018, tweeted in December that Cuomo "sexually harassed me for years."

Yet another woman, Anna Ruch, 33, told The Times in a report published Monday that the governor, whom she had just met, placed his hands on her face and asked to kiss her at a wedding in 2019. A photograph appears to show the moment.

Cuomo has denied harassing women and said he was sorry for how his behavior made them feel.

"I acted in a way that made people feel uncomfortable," he said Wednesday. "It was unintentional. And I truly and deeply apologize for it."

Several prominent New York lawmakers called on him to step down last week, including Rep. Kathleen Rice, but most of his allies have stopped short of saying he should step down.

Cuomo on Sunday urged everyone to wait for the results of New York Attorney General Letitia James' investigation into his behavior. The governor said when he served as attorney general he received "all sorts of allegations against politicians all the time," but did not make them public.

"People are free to make allegations," he said. "But then we get the facts."

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bluehhj · 5 years ago

Text

listen to me — chapter 33

LISTEN TO ME — 0033

listen to me masterlist;

WORDS: 2.8K

(a/n: after reading this chapter, pls don't kill me, you guys will still have many reasons to do this in the future asksjkssjzhdjk said it and ran, goodbye)

Changbin could barely find a place to park.

The front of Yugyeom's house — or three-story mansion — was crowded with cars and people who kept coming, resulting in a traffic jam before the huge gates. If the idea was to throw a cliché party for Sana — the kind that everyone is silent about and only shouts "surprise" when the birthday one opens the door ��, it was obvious that it had gone very wrong. Jinah was absolutely certain that, by the magnitude of the movement and the music, anyone who entered that neighborhood would immediately notice that something very different was happening.

"Look, how many beautiful women..." — Felix muttered as he walked gracefully. — "It's today, Chan hyung!"

The last one scowled, because, unlike the other australian, he felt out of place in all this.

"Today is the day I'm going to be very embarrassed and want to go home before midnight," — he added, but Felix didn't pay the slightest attention, as his eyes fixed on the face of one of the girls who were also walking in that same sidewalk, but in the opposite direction, and he completely lost his breath. However, the shock of seeing a fallen angel on Earth didn't stop him from straightening his clothes and flashing his best flirtatious smile the moment they met. Felix just couldn't imagine being completely ignored and that she was going to smile like him, only for Jinah. He not even entered the party yet and already suffered the first disappointment.

"What the hell," — he muttered, turning to look at the girl's back, just before focusing his indignant face on Choi. — "How you do it?"

"But I didn't do anything," — Jinah defended herself.

"Exactly!"

"It's simple" — Jade, who was holding hands with Changbin a short distance from the trio, intruded. — "She's beautiful; you, not."

Felix might have told the girl to go fuck herself, but he had enough self-esteem to realize how beautiful he was, and in the face of such elegance, he wouldn't stoop to the level of the rabble. So, he just ignored the laughter of the rest of the people he dared to call friends and kept walking as if nothing had happened. After that, Changbin engaged in a conversation with Jinah about something Lee didn't care to know, as he was still on a mission to leave that party with someone, and soon the four were already through the gates that led to the front yard of the house, which had a long stone walkway — though most people despised its existence and preferred to cut their way through the grass.

If they did that with the grass in his house, Felix was absolutely certain that either his mother would have a stroke or expel everyone with broomsticks.

"Hey, isn't that your hot girl from the hospital over there?" — he was forced to cut the silence strike project he was planning to halve when he recognized the girl's face that Chan showed him through photos several times.

"She's not mine" — the older australian followed his gaze and wrinkled his nose at the scene. Jennie Kim, as the girl was called, was standing near the front doors of the mansion, hugging her boyfriend while talking to her friends. Chan still felt a twinge of jealousy. — "And she's not that hot either."

As for the last statement, Felix thought quite the opposite, but he didn't think the time was right to put that detail into discussion, apart from the fact that it was obvious Chan had only said it out of spite.

The mansion was even more impressive inside. What should have been the living room looked more like a huge ballroom thanks to the absence of furniture. There was a small stage with a DJ, a dance floor, colorful globes, waiters circling with drink trays and champagne glasses, and people; many people, both downstairs and upstairs. Jinah saw only Yugyeom run around, Sana didn't seem to have arrived yet.

"Come on, let's explore." — Felix took one of Chan's wrists and dragged him toward nowhere. The last one just had time to wave to his friends and say they would meet later. Jade also soon touched Jinah and Changbin, then pointed to a certain point in the room where her other friends were. And even from afar and unaware of too many details, Jinah let out a stupidly in love sigh.

Jisung, Woojin, Hyunjin and Yoorim were talking near one of the makeshift bars. They had met there a few minutes ago, but it was long enough for the oldest of the four to order a strong drink and start talking rambunctious bullshit, so Han was already seriously considering the idea of sneaking out and leaving them alone. This until he noticed three more presences and, like Jinah, almost melt like an ice cube in the midday sun, consequently getting lost in all his actions.

The moment became simultaneous. While Choi admired how the boy was handsome — irresistible, dazzling, mesmerizing and yet another string of adjectives of the genre — in black, Jisung was trying to understand why Jinah hadn't yet been exposed in a museum, as a rare piece of art. Okay, he was used to seeing her everyday, but, on that particular night — with a nylon bustier top, high-waist tailored pants and black crystal-embellished heels and a matching color choker around her neck and eyes marked by a dark eye shadow —, Jinah looked too much beautiful. The attraction of both parties was so strong that, although not in the habit of making such a gesture in public, it was impossible for them not to greet each other with a kiss.

"You look beautiful," — Jisung said, with his lips extremely close to Jinah's, and had the vision that, if he could, would always pay to see, because it was lovely to watch her blush.

"You too," — the girl smiled, still embarrassed, and made no point of letting go of Han, not even when Jade joined Woojin and called them to drink.

Jinah didn't want much that night, being around Jisung was more than enough.

♡˖°

The clock ticked as soon as midnight came, and suddenly, it was after one in the morning. After Sana arrived — obviously already knowing everything was going on — and the whole procedure of singing Happy Birthday To You and delivering the presents was over, the dance floor filled up and the music got so loud it could almost be heard on all the block. It was a big party, where the vast majority really danced, drank, kissed, and had fun, but there were a few exceptions.

Josh was leaning over the second floor balustrade. A half-full glass was held by his fingertips as his eyes watched the ground floor boil. There was no trace of animation on his face, on the contrary. Beside him, Kirsten, his best friend, no longer knew what to do. At first, the last one thought they were there to distract their minds and have fun with the others, but, over the course of the hours, it became clear that Josh and his jealousy wouldn't have helped at all to make that happen.

"Cheer up" — Kirsten asked for what must be the fifth time. — "It's a party, not a funeral."

Since he was paying too much attention to Jade and Changbin, who were kissing right now, it took Josh a few seconds to say: — "I told you you don't have to stand behind me like my shadow."

"I worry about you."

"I'm no kid, noona" — Josh finally looked away from the scene that made his stomach turn and turned the rest of the drink in his glass. — "Where's Tzuyu? Go dance with her."

Kirsten sighed. Chou Tzuyu was one of the nicest people she'd ever had the pleasure of meeting, and had a huge crush on Josh, but Lee spent so much time thinking about Jade he didn't even notice. Tzuyu had been keeping them company a few hours ago, but, after watching the boy she was in love with suffering from someone who didn't return his feelings, she got tired of torturing her own heart and decided to walk away.

Loving and being unrequited was so complicated!

"You should pay more attention to the important things instead." — Kirsten nodded her head, referring to Jade. — "I know you like her, but getting a grudge won't get you anywhere. You missed your chance, Josh; it was Changbin who won this time. Get this straight and move on, dammit."

The younger bit the inside of his cheek hard, using all his self-control not to explode once and for all. The truth hurt, after all.

"Go take care of your life, Kirsten."

"My life is doing well, but you need to take better care of yours and fix it."

Josh squeezed the empty glass between his fingers and let a faint laugh escape his reddened lips. Then, he turned away from the railing and began walking toward the stairs.

"Where are you going?" — she asked.

"Do what you told me to" — yeah, Josh would fix your life.

Across the mansion, completely oblivious to all the sentimental torments that might be occurring around them, Jinah and Jisung chatted at one of the unoccupied tables.

Choi was sure this was her pinnacle. Throughout the party, she'd barely put a drop of alcohol in her mouth or at least stepped on the dance floor. In the old days, if someone told her that she'd become what she criticized the most in her life, she'd probably laugh and say that this was a huge mistake. But here was Jinah, despising all the benefits of single life to cuddle with Jisung. If it wasn't love, she had no idea what it was.

"I just find the food a little weird," — Choi said softly through a smile. She didn't need to raise her tone, because she was so close to Jisung that even the loud music couldn't interrupt the dialogue. The excessive proximity made it easier to steal kisses. — "That's slug," — she pointed with her chin at the portion of escargot on the table. — "Never in life will I eat this."

Jisung smiled. He was a suspect to talk to, as he had grown accustomed to such dishes because he grew up in an environment where expensive delicacies were commonplace, but he understood Jinah and should agree with her.

Jisung checked the time and looked around. It was still early, but the place itself wasn't appropriate for their vibe at the moment, so perhaps it should suggest a more interesting program, even though kissing in that dark was wonderful.

"Want to go to some diner?"

"Now?" — not that Jinah was making a point of staying in the mansion until dawn, but she thought Jisung's plans were different.

"Uh huh" — the boy stood up. — "You don't have to pretend to be enjoying staying here."

The girl almost felt her eyes watering. And her thinking the perfect man didn't exist. For this is proof that exceptions are real — at least from her point of view of an idiot in love.

Jinah and Jisung intertwined their hands and headed for the exit, not without first informing Chan that they were already leaving. He had gotten lost of Felix at some point — probably when the other australian got a girl and disappeared — and was now making up for the abandonment with liqueur chocolates.

"Sense, huh?" — he shouted in time for both of them to hear him, though he knew that, sometimes, that word didn't inhabit Jinah's lame dictionary. — "They think they fool me with this diner talk..."

"You should do like them," — Jade said, her voice breaking. It was true to say that the american was as drunk as Woojin, and it is noteworthy that, a few minutes ago, Kim was fighting a dog outside. — "So far I don't believe you'll accept leaving without kissing anyone."

"I'm great" — Chan popped another chocolate in his mouth. The truth was that he didn't want to get involved with anyone because he was tired of passing things. What was funny about kissing a girl and then never seeing her again? No, Chan was old-fashioned (so he always carried the title of bachelor, but that was a mere detail). — "The position of uncle bachelor of cats is already mine, I can't revoke it like that."

Jade rolled her eyes: — "They'll have to invent a magic duster to get all the cobwebs out of this thing between your legs."

"Jieun!" — Chan slapped her on the arm. — "Go talk to Changbin, go."

"But he's gone!"

"You were kissing him five minutes ago, woman."

Jade stopped all her movements and rewound the tape: — "Oh, yeah," — she smiled, softly, as she remembered and lifted her body from the chair. Almost fell on the table in the middle of the process. — "He said he was going to the bathroom. I'll go too. Bye, oppa!"

"Bye. Have sense!"

Yeah, she lacked sense.

Jade crawled among the people, being careful not to bump her nose or bump into anyone, but all her effort was futile when she reached the five-meter mark from the table she was sitting in a moment ago. She prepared to apologize, but, when she saw that it was Josh, all she could do was crack a silly smile.

"I didn't even know you were here, how long did you arrive?"

You see, Josh wasn't one hundred percent clear either, and, in addition to his heartache, of course things would go a much more complicated course.

"I arrived a long time ago," — he replied, his eyes carrying a hurt glow. — "You were busy with your boyfriend, so you didn't see" — it was as if each syllable cut his mouth and spread a bitter taste for his tongue, Josh wanted to throw up.

"Ah... By the way, didn't you see him around?"

"Fortunately, no."

Jade tilted her head, not understanding why Lee looked so annoyed just at the mention of Changbin. It was only after a few seconds in silence that she remembered why they didn't like each other. Jieun looked more like an old computer full of viruses.

"You've also been my boyfriend" — gave an embarrassed smile. — "But it's been so long, right? You don't have to be mad at Binnie about that."

"Time doesn't matter when you keep nurturing the same feelings for a person, it only intensifies."

"Josh-..."

"Let me do just one thing?" — by this point Joshua was already lost in his own salty feelings, that almost overflowed from his sad eyes. Though he wanted the opposite with all his might, Josh knew that Kirsten was right; his chance with Jade had passed, and nothing he could do could alter the inevitable, but he needed something. At least one last time, he needed it with all his heart. Otherwise, he couldn't overcome.

"W-what thing?" — the american was hesitant.

"Close your eyes."

The Jade Kang in her normal state would never fall for a prank like that, but the Jade Kang that carried a high percentage of alcohol in her blood was, as said before, a computer full of viruses. And computers full of viruses don't work well.

Chan's mouth opened in a perfect "O" when he saw Josh's lips stick to Jieun's; his eyes turned into two plates, so wide. And as if there was still a way to make things worse enough, Changbin also entered his field of vision like a movie scene.

"Holy fuck," — he blurted out, and dropped the chocolates on the table. — "Now things fucked up."

Kirsten complemented the scenario and, seeing that the shit was done, had no reaction but to let her shoulders fall and take on a pained expression. The worst thing was that giving Josh a sermon wouldn't even help, she had only to wait for the bomb to explode.

Jade lost contact with Josh's lips and gasped, startled. She was fully aware of how wrong that had been, but the biggest shock came only when she found a paralyzed Changbin, looking at her as if he couldn't or wouldn't believe any of it. And it hurt. It hurt like hell to watch Seo's eyes fill with tears, until one overflowed and trickled down his cheek.

"C-Changbin..." — she tried to approach, but the boy retreated a step. But what would she say? Wasn't that what he was thinking? Jade had neither arguments. — "I'm sorry..."

Changbin made no attempt to wipe the tear, just let more others fall and join it. Two words from him were enough to make the american cry too: — "You promised."

The pain in the girl's heart got three times bigger, but it didn't compare to Seo's heart pain. Changbin left, and Jade didn't have the strength to even try to stop him.

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stopgenitalism · 5 years ago

Text

Text “Antigenitalism” by Zara Paz (Raw Version) for an Activism Mag in Vienna

Here is another super exciting political article about a phenomenon / movement called "Antigenitalism".

Berlin 2013 - A group of women who have been born with dicks, have experienced shit all their lives and continue to experience shit, fight, have depression, etc., came together. Previously into activism yet, like Antifa, Antipsychiatry, Anarchism, etc. We are thinking about what we want. Whom we still want. And what we are against. Quickly, now. after 15-20 years of activism and thinking about what and who we actually are, a term comes up: genitalism.

This is what has wanted to put us down all our lives long. Wanted to kill us. And what has killed and will still kill many of us: the claim that every human / baby with a penis would a man / boy / male / belonging to the male gender, while each person/ baby with a vagina would be a woman/ girl / female / belonging to the female gender.

As if that would be clear, self evident, natural or supported by us. No. It is not. This claim, this procedure ruined our lives.

Our families and friends are incited against us. Before, until 1994, we / our "sisters" were imprisoned if we started something with a man because of that (the German "gay paragraph" §175 that criminalised so called "homosexual sex amongst men").

For me it was like this: I have always positioned myself as a girl and recognized as soon as spoken out gender position were stated (parents and all people actually do this from birth on, nonverbally children internalize it, even without words / language, logically, right?), first I was allowed to express & dress myself as I wanted in the kindergarten (skirt, long hair, jewelry, etc), but at some point my grandparents got scared that I could "become gay",

because in the documents / following the official doctrine "I was a boy" and later "wpuld become a man", of course, a hetero, everything else was criminalised & tabooed in the 80s, was considered to be perverted, wrong and unacceptable.

Suddenly at one day they shaved my hair, I was put into boys clothes against my will and gradually my toys were exchanged. Suddenly I should be interested in "boy things". A shock that still sits in my bones today. Simply because I so suddenly felt the force of the normative system, had bad presages, which should later prove true.

So far, everything reads like a harmless, exaggerated mimimi. Only if you hit the bridge from there to the many murders of women with cocks and men with pussies, e.g. if the "they fooled" because they said to be, for example, a woman, had sex, gave a kiss to someone or just were flirted or desired by a stranger (without being able to change it), a stranger who then felt "injured in his honor," just because of genitalism (penis = man, vagina = Woman ideologies).

Or, think of teacher Lucy Meadows, who was personally bullied with newspaper articles by Daily Mail reporter Robert Littleton ("you men in a man's body," "stop harassing children, they'll lose their innocence soon enough,", "not in the wrong body, but especially in the wrong job", etc.), until she finally took her own life.

What is new is that someone speaks about it, mockery like that had always happened. In the 90s, the rainbow press liked to publish the private addresses of women who have been assigned a male gender (which is why they legally could not defend against it and then), so that many times such a house was then set on fire ("public disgrace", "something like this may not exist," "what if more people do something like that?").

I grew up with stereotypical, vicious fairy tales of "men in women's clothes" (the, in my ears, sick and exotic-sounding labels "transvestite" and "transsexual" were even sounding more respectful compared to the stuff that was usually said and written), for example in the movie "The Naked Cannon 33 1/3" Leslie Nielsen immediately puked into a tuba after discovering that his dream-woman, who had "something to confess" to him, shows to him that she has a huge tail, what was meant to be the biggest joke in that movie, while in "the silence of the Lambs", the psychopath is a bizarre, "female dressing", androgynous (surely male looking) being that hates women because they can "get" the men/sex he/she dreams of. (The murderer is always shown as a male, like all people with dicks / male assignments are shown in the 90s... except dragqueens because they always told to be male "in reality" in the mainstream media what made them less a danger for the gender security of those times).

In Amsterdam we met a pair of extremely glittery, sequined and extremely high heeled drag queens who became introduced to me as "men who want to be women" under the suggestive emphasis that they are "on the hunt of some men" tonight/in general.

It has always been said "if you have a penis but you do not behave as a man, do not wear menswear and / or are not satisfied with your body, then you are necessarily gay, perverted and disturbed, you have to be all that because you are then a danger and a serious nuisance for the society (well, that's what I always wanted to be anyways but thats another story) and something about you has to change, because that's just not the way how you and society can work together (soon more about that).

"Unfortunately" I was mainly attracted by women (whatever that was supposed to be), so I was automatically perceived as a man, although I (yet for that) took the freedom to put on make up, "behaved as femaie as I could" and did also everything I could not to be perceived as a man/male, but since my family had bullied and punished me for the girls name I had given myself in thekindergarten,

I was still scared to "completely go for it" or" to really claim honest respect to be a woman "(with intention I am writing this in a vague way, because I never could precisely define/find out what gender / a woman / not male should be exactly), how do you "do that" or "how do you get rid of that?", what do all of them want me to do and why do they stage this gender shit and then pretend me to be the only one who is actually trying to break out of it to be the one staging it??)

This led to many detours, at some point then came the phase where I realized I do not want to marry a man necessarily, but still I want to be allowed to use a women's toilet (instead of risking to go to jail for it), I would maybe also let my body " get modulated" so that everybody perceives me as a woman, always and everywhere, it would be easier for me because then I do not always have to discuss everything with everyone, especially not beeing exposed to any fomented homophobia of all people around me.

The big problems were starting in that phase. For psychologists have to approve the name change and the body modulations (even if you pay by yourself, which was the case with me in the end), you can get your arm amputated, if you're funny, make implants and tattoos, as much as you want , but taking hormones like estrogen or testosterone or altering the genitals or having breasts operated can only be done after 3 years of "therapy" that is supposed to "help", whether or not "this help" is needed or not. (To my point of view, "help" against my will is never help, but force and therefor violence, so the phase "forced therapy" I use to describe for the shit the state forced me into, is an intentional oxymoron if you look so close).

Furthermore you are forced to tell and subscribe you would be ("strongly feeling to be") "born in the wrong body", "hating your body" and wanting to modulate it (into the way the law defines a "male / female body", also here doesn´t matter if you really want this or not) and that you" feel like a woman / man " (NOT that you ARE a woman / man - notice the difference !)

and that you would be "into the sex change" towards the court, doctors, authorities, public representatives, the health insurance (always, even when paying yourself), offices and many other institutions then again and again) to be able/allowed to change your name/sex entry or get prescriptions/indications for hormones, surgery and epilations (the only way to do it legally and not having to take the risks that illegal hormones and surgery imply, to be said, a high risk that yet demanded and demands many death victims).

And you have to get and pass documents ("expertises") paid by yourself to many many strangers, institutions and doctors which include lots of very herrassing normative, sexist remarks about your body, the clothes you wear, your underwear, your voice, your hair, your genitals, and your lifestyle.

And, of course, depend on and have to deal with psychologists and psychiatrists who make such decisions (whether or not you are allowed to surgeries and legal name change) are often not casually into these jobs, but having a fetish, groping your body, asking you sexual and intimate questions, record you naked on video or ask you to try and report on certain sex practices with men / women. All around the world.

These laws that say that you are a man / boy when having a penis and you are a woman / girl when having a vagina and otherwise you have to beg for recognition to be "the opposite sex" exist everywhere in the world, in any state. We all had these experiences. We were all permanently bullied, insulted, laughed at, threatened, sexually harassed and / or looked at badly and hostile on the streets, regularly at the latest after psychiatrists forced us to their so-called "everyday test" asking us to wear the clothes that to their opinion "women have to wear" (skirt or dress, even at minus temperatures, shoes with heels, make-up, bra, even with small breasts, possibly tights, etc.). Each of us had had countless experiences of violence, each of us had been bullied, teased and persecuted, mostly by strangers,

been (sexually and otherwise) harassed, "even" by authorities and doctors, etc. everyone of us had been discriminated and mocked, so we decided that we now are fed up with this shit and that we want to do something against this damned madness that destroys our lives and seeks to erase our existences plus our stories, just as oppression always deals with the people it seeks to destroy and exploit.

So we developed a short, catchy concept: we want to fight for an area where the genitalist assignments ("penis = man, vagina = woman") are abolished and everything related to that (gender in documents, anywhere, nowhere) , no newspapers spread the lies of "gender changes" and "born as a boy", which in the end lead to hatred and violence, no transphobic, genitalist media, movies, documentaries, newspaper articles, books, diagnoses, court judgments that repeat and state only "their" viewings on us, strengthening their perspective, but never tells a word about how we perceive our selves, how we see and perceive gender, how we perceive bodies and their meanings. Also not a "biological gender" propaganda bullshit, no "trans" / "cis" / "inter" shit from the outside, which, if you look closely, is the same oppressive stuff.

Because If I am called a "trans woman" for beeing a woman with a dicj and the other woman gets called a "cis woman" because of her body/vagina, this is the same genitalistic procedure and leads in the end just to the same special treatments, discrimination and problems, as if you would directly talk of me as "a man" or a "fake women". Finally in both ways you just take some physical attributes and start emphasizing they would make a "very big difference between two human beeing to either have these or those

attributes". Then you start telling and repeating the claimed differences would be so big you would even have to make two categories of humans

along those body shapes/attributes.

This is also how the categories "trans (gender)", "cis (sexual)" and "inter (identity)" work that we deny, unless you call yourself like this.

No one has the right to impose such stamps on you / us / who ever. Etiquettes kill.

We want to fight for spaces free of all gender assignments, while every state presses us into a genderrole at birth, puts a gender stamp on, with devastating consequences, every newspaper writes about all people and their bodies in body shape related manners and this normative way of stamping and norming people and bodies is what we want to completely leave behind us and be free of, to create own channels, symbols, spaces, language, paroles, culture and stories that are free of all this bullshit,emancipative, not repressive and therefor to show that one can step out of the assigned genitalist sex cramp of all existing States, the media, the "oppressor´s language" and binary gender change lies fairy tales, with which they are trying to justify their violence against us and to legitimize their asshole laws against us, for which there can be no excuse, even if its seeming to be self evidently the dominant doctine and order for many after more than 4,000 years of genitalistic terror and permanent global states of murder, persecution, criminalization and stigmatization of us and our mates.

This is why we are here and standing up against our oppressors, stepping out of this hostile society and leaving its filthy body

normative corsets behind us to unite with our people to found and fight for our own territories free of majority terror, genitalistic

slavery and its hateful impact on our lives, health and possibilities to interact or be perceived as what we really are and may be.

#Antigenitalism #Zara Paz #Text #activism #storytelling #life #oppression #gender #entry #stamp #category #cis #inter #trans #state #mag #vienna

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mtvswatches · 6 years ago

Text

Jane the Virgin 1x07 Chapter Seven

Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)

Stray thoughts

1) It’s nice to get a little more backstory to their first kiss.

NARRATOR: Unfortunately, as Jane described their magical talk, Xo had the distinct impression that…

XIOMARA: He sounds like a playboy, hon.

JANE: I know. I know. He seemed like he would be, but he wasn't.

JANE: He seemed so sincere.

XIOMARA: That's what makes a good playboy. You never feel like you're getting played.

Of course, this was before the cancer, the marriage, Petra’s miscarriage (I’m assuming it was a miscarriage, although this being a telenovela, it could have easily been a fake pregnancy, we’ll see…), and everything that has happened since the show started. Rafael was a different person then, and so was Jane. She seemed to be much more naïve and gullible back then.

The part I’m not buying, though, is how they managed not to run into each other for over 4 years? Like, she was working at the hotel he owned, wasn’t there any awkward encounters like EVER? The show definitely makes it sound as if they had gone by almost five years without seeing or talking to each other…

2) I have to say, I’m with Xiomara and with the stop sign on this one…

It does seem a bit rushed for them to get together, especially considering all the special circumstances that brought them into each other’s lives. And I’m sorry if I’m raining on the shippers’ parade, but they barely know each other? It seems they’re more in lust than in love, and the whole “meant to be” thing is more “meant to be in your pants” than fate. I really hope the show makes me feel different about this because I do enjoy their interactions so far, I like them as characters, and I can see the chemistry there, but I also need some depth to their relationship, you know?

3) Okay, so Rafael showed up and asked her out, and they almost kissed but Jane told him she needed some time and space, which, yes, good for you. But I don’t see that time and space thing lasting too long for some reason…

4) I have a feeling Petra would like to switch places with Jane right now…

5) The fucking nuns are using Jane as a fucking fertility attraction or something. Without her knowledge.

6) Did you know that I love Rogelio?

7) We all know I’m not fond of Michael, but… he did ask Jane point blank if the breakup had anything to do with Rafael, and she lied. Even if there were things Michael did that contributed to her deciding to break up with him, Rafael had a lot to do with it as well. I guess she was trying to spare his feelings, but… she lied. And Michael lying to her was one of the reasons she was broke up with him, so… that’s a bit hypocritical Jane…

8) Rafael is being a bit too pushy for my liking…

RAFAEL: Have you had enough time? Ready to go on a date?

JANE: No. I came to ask a favor, actually, which is totally unrelated to our current situation.

RAFAEL: And what is our current situation?

The girl asked you for some time and space, and it’s been, what? 8 hours? Seriously?

9) OF COURSE, he’s going to be in the club and will continue to push things. That’s so not the way to go about this.

10) Now, these two? They really are meant for each other…

NARRATOR: What you are about to witness is two creatures who are inherently dramatic attempt to behave like they are - not dramatic.

11) Desperate times call for desperate measures…

MAGDA: We can't keep him here forever. We might have to consider…

PETRA: What?

MAGDA: I know people from the old country.They could take care of him for us.

PETRA: Mother, that's crazy!

MAGDA: It is realistic. Now, here are your options: You kill him or let him go, and risk Milos finding you and then you'll wish you were dead. Your choice.

I’m not sure Petra is capable of murdering someone. Magda, on the other hand…

12) AWKWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

13) Oh my god, is he twelve?!

JANE: Michael saw the flowers you sent, and he was so hurt it was awful.

RAFAEL: Jane, that wasn't my intention.

JANE: I know. But that's why I'm saying it's too soon.

RAFAEL: What, because of Michael?

JANE: Yes, because of Michael. We were engaged.I was I was about to marry him.

RAFAEL: I'm sorry. But, Jane, he's kind of been a jerk to me.

He’s acting like an entitled rich boy, isn’t he? He wants Jane so he must have her now, it doesn’t matter that she’s not completely comfortable and it doesn’t matter that she still cares about her ex-fiancé with whom she broke up a day ago! And how does he justify not caring about hurting Michael’s feelings or disregarding Jane’s feelings for Michael? “Ugh he was a jerk!”

I don’t like this side of Rafael, I hope he understands why this is wrong SOON.

14) OMG

JANE: Do you by any chance know my father?

15) And now he’s taking Jane’s request for time and space a little bit too seriously…

16) I LOVE ROGELIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

17) Get your shit together, dude…

Like, you want to date the girl who’s carrying your fucking baby, maybe don’t get salt licked by “a friend” right in front of her?

18) Well, it seems Petra has what it takes to be a murderer after all…

IVAN: Is that peanut sauce?

PETRA: I don't know. I just ordered chicken from room service.

IVAN: I have peanut allergy!

19) False alarm…

He even thanked her, that’s progress.

20) Hmmm, I’m not sold on how the show got Rafael to “refute” each single of Jane’s arguments. They simply have different points of views, and both of their arguments are valid. The most important one, however, is the fact that they clearly don’t know each other very well. It’s one thing to start dating someone who you don’t know very well under regular circumstances. That’s basically what we all do, that is literally how you get to know someone and find out whether you can have a meaningful relationship with them or not. But… Jane is fucking pregnant with Rafael’s baby… so the dating thing could potentially backfire in the worst possible way, and even if they intend to “put the baby first”, they cannot be sure that’s what they’ll do once their hearts are broken and there’s resentment or bad blood.

21) I guess I was wrong when I said Jane had a good head on her shoulders…

I’m sorry but I’m so not into this. It really feels like they’re in lust, and that’s just not my thing.

22) Rafael’s mom is totally going to come back, right?

23) Yeah, that whole “conversation that goes on forever”? I get it, I’ve had those. But it feels the writers are trying to fast-forward the most meaningful part of a relationship, the getting-to-know-each-other part, the slowly falling in love with someone as you learn more and more about them. It just happened overnight for Jane and Rafael.

I feel like I should like them, like I should be falling for them as they fall for each other, but it seems too… contrived. I’m not into it…

24) Oh, Petra, you deceitful SOB! You got me!

MAGDA: That was smart. Seeing his bracelet. You've earned his trust.

NARRATOR: Ah, yes, the classic "poison your hostage and then save him to earn his trusts" technique. Works every time.

MAGDA: I hope the rest of your plan works as smoothly.

What is the rest of her plan, though?

25) ROGELIO STOPPPPPPPPP

26) And now I feel sorry for Michael? What is this episode doing to me?

27) Oh, this trick again, Petra… it didn’t work with Rafael, though…

I’m guessing he’s going to sleep with her and not give her the money, to get back at her because of how she fooled him before…

28) rrrrrogELIOOOOOOOOOOOO

RAFAEL: Who are you?

ROGELIO: I am Jane's father.

RAFAEL: Oh, uh Oh, uh, it's nice to meet you, Sir.

ROGELIO: I wish I could say the same. Jane's mother was worried all night.

RAFALl: Oh, I am so sorry. We-we just kind of…

ROGELIO: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I know your game. I used to be just like you. Ridiculously good-looking, with charisma, with swagger, notching girls onto my belt.

RAFAEL: No, that's-that's not what's happening

ROGELIO: I have had sex with a lot of women. Way more than you, I'm sure!

RAFAEL: I am sure that that's true.

ROGELIO: But Jane is different. Jane is special. Remember that. Or face the consequences.

29) “Deferred payment plan.” Yep, you’re not going to see that money, Petra…

30) Nope. I don’t like this, at all.

XIOMARA: And you're not me, Jane. You make smart choices, sensible choices.

JANE: Exactly. Because I was always scared of repeating your mistakes. And, mom, I'm just realizing, because of that, I've been afraid to take risks. Real risks.

XIOMARA: You've been smart.

JANE: I've been safe. And I'm gonna be a mom. And moms put their kids first. You know that better than anyone. So this is my last chance I get to follow my heart. Do what I want. And, yeah, maybe the timing isn't perfect, but I want to be with Rafael. He's a good guy.

There’s nothing wrong with being safe, especially when you’re having a baby. And I really don’t get Jane’s logic here? “I’ve been safe my whole life and afraid of taking risks so now that I’m having a baby and will put it first is the best time to take risks”? Maybe don’t? Especially if you’re taking a chance with the father of your baby who you barely know and you could potentially ruin your relationship as parents and therefore create an unhealthy environment for your child just because you had a whim and you were hot for the guy?

I know that I’m probably in the minority here and everyone loves Rafael and Jane, but I’m just super NOT into this. It feels too sudden?

I just hope the show somehow manages to change my perception of them, idk.

31) If anything, Jane’s and Rafael’s recklessness has helped Xiomara and Rogelio become the grown-ups, so I’m thankful for that. They’re still over-dramatic and ridiculous, but they’ve proven they can adult like the best of them if the situation calls for it.

32) …well, for the most part…

33) I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!

I ship this more than I ship Rafael and Jane hahaha!

34) Okay…

I’m totally indifferent to this. *shrugs*

35) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

#Jane the Virgin #Jane Villanueva #Gina Rodriguez #Rogelio de la Vega #Jaime Camil #JTV recap #JTV 1x07 #mine #MTVSwatches

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whereisvanderwood · 6 years ago

Note

could I request the rfa + v and saeran reacting to mc telling them they're asexual (either sex repulsed or just isn't interested and therefor not wanting to have sex)? if this counts a nsfw/isn't something you'd like to write for that's 100% okay! thank you for your time (and I'd totally be interested in that discord server)!

This request really piqued my interest to be honest. I can realate to these types of feelings in my personal life. I’ve never written anything about this kind of topic before, so I hope it’s alright!! Thank you for YOUR time!

And I’m SO GLAD you’re interested! I’d love to post the link soon! Keep an eye out for it! The server is open for any fanficion writers or OC makers to join. Experience does not matter– you can be a newbie or a veteran of the art and you’ll all be equally as welcome.

RFA + Another Story reacting to MC confessing she’s asexual.

*:･ﾟ✧

YOOSUNG

It wasn’t really something the two of you spoke about frequently, or even joked about. You were both the shy type, and any mention of the topic paints the boy’s face a tomato red.

But… it was something you were meant to do in a relationship, right? It was part of being in love.

The more time passed, the more worried you became about the topic. The relationship was a total hit and it seemed to be nothing but working.

But then one day, he decided to be a man.

“MC, can I talk to you about something?”

“What’s up?”

“I uh… I’m not sure how else to put this but… do you think we should… you know… do it?”

“‘It’?”

“Yeah… ‘it’. It’s what couples are supposed to… do, isn’t it?”

You could tell how much courage it took him just to even bring it up, so you thought it best to be courteous enough to give him the truth.

He didn’t quite understand the concept at first, but he did when you forced yourself to go into a little more detail about it.

It was important that he knew it didn’t change your love for him. It was just one element of the relationship that didn’t seem compulsory to you.

“I… I understand.”

You apologised for not bringing it up sooner, and became worried that it could potentially mean the end of your relationship with him.

He told you it didn’t matter to him at all. If it meant you could still waste hours upon hours in a day playing LOLOL together and doing all the same things you loved doing together, it didn’t matter to him in the slightest.

ZEN

Being with Zen made your world seem so perfect, and everything you would worry about would dissipate into nothingness with him in your life.

You didn’t like it when he would talk about his “inner beast”, or how men are greedy in that way.

It was on the first night you ever visited him to make sure he was alright, suggested by majority of the RFA, Jaehee excluded of course.

It was obvious to anyone that sparks had begun flying between the two of you, and something was bound to ignite the start of a lasting love sooner than later.

Sitting on the roof together, watching the stars as he opened himself up to you calmed your nerves so much. Your eyes rested on his angelically pale face as he spoke with that heart-melting voice of his. You slowly began to not feel so afraid as what you were much earlier in the day.

“Hey… Zen? You know that… ‘inner beast’ of yours?”

“Y-Yeah?”

what’s its name?

“Well… I don’t think… I have an… ‘inner beast.’”

You loved that he knew exactly what you were talking about the moment the words left your beautifully plush lips.

You watched every little feature on his face for a hint of disappointment, a twitch in annoyance, anything. But he looked somewhat… relieved?

Maybe he was much more nervous about the topic than you originally anticipated.

While the atmosphere was what it was – one of being a safe environment where you could say anything - you went into it a little more, considering how Zen had just been very open about his own personal life with you.

“You should know that I don’t accept you any less, MC. And… I’m sorry if me talking about it every now and then makes you feel uncomfortable.”

He promised you he wouldn’t do anything that you didn’t like or crossed your personal boundaries.

You even let him give you a nice warm hug to finish off the night you had together.

JAEHEE

She used to think she was asexual herself for a really long time, but it wasn’t until you came along that she discovered her true orientation.

Have you ever seen a girl so beautiful your sexuality changed

She didn’t really have any female friends either, so she just assumed that’s how she was.

When the two of you began to catch up more outside of the RFA, and especially when you ran your own coffee house together, you both knew you were more than just “friends” at this point.

But for you, you didn’t want to go much further than that. You were happy with how things had been going on the surface, and you were happy with not talking about “bedroom” topics. All you knew was that you didn’t want anything to do with it.

And from what it looked like to you, Jaehee was just as happy.

So it was you who approached first, wondering where her own standing with it the concept was. You were curious.

“Jaehee? Are you busy?”

“Not at all, MC. Is something bothering you?”

“You could say that…”

You opened with expressing your understanding that she’s still relatively new with this whole relationship thing, and it can be a little rocky for anyone who’s still discovering their own colour of love.

When you confessed your own feelings towards intercourse, you didn’t expect her to react the way she did. In fact, you at least expected somewhat of a reaction, not a smile and nod.

“To be honest, I had a suspicion that might be the case. But it doesn’t matter to me, MC.”

She openly expressed how she was happy just doing what the two of you had been doing thus far, and being completely content with it being the way your relationship is defined, even though it might seem to others that you’re just best friends and not really in love.

She still loved you to bits.

JUMIN

His own disinterest in women for the longest time lead him to identify himself as the same way.

But this man kept you in his house for nearly a whole week with his possessiveness and desire to keep you close to him. You couldn’t think of anything more embarrassing than to tell him you weren’t, naturally, sexually attracted to anyone.

There were plenty of occasions where he talked about potentially “getting closer as a couple”, and he wasn’t afraid to voice his romantic desires ever since you came knocking on his door.

He still considered himself a Christian, however, and within its belief system he wanted to try and abstain from sex before marriage.

“MC, may I have a moment of your time?”

At each of his attempts to spark conversation of the topic, nothing wanted to make you cave in on yourself. It was never a nice, let alone easy, thing to talk about with you.

You tried to avoid it as much as you could, but you could only avoid it for so long.

“What do you think about having sex with me?”

His bluntness took you off guard, especially with that one word you hated hearing.

“I, umm… I don’t think I’m really… interested right now, Jumin.”

“What do you mean ‘not interested’?”

He wouldn’t back down. So you toughened up and spelt it out for him. Curse him and his confidence. You only wished you weren’t as afraid of confrontation like him.

“I understand your feelings, MC. I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell me in the first place.”

You felt more at ease whenever you were around him after overdue conversation was out in the open. You no longer felt like he might pounce on you like Elizabeth the 3rd when you least expect it, putting you in the worse position you could imagine.

But you were grateful for his understanding and acceptance of your feelings.

SEVEN

Especially when he’d been out on a long and hard mission, all he’d want is you. He can’t stand being away from you, and it makes him feel terrible, too. Quality time with you is one of his favourite things in the world.

In the earlier years of your relationship, you’d actually tried the experience for yourself, much to your prior disinterest – you felt it to be more of an obligation than a pleasure.

But since after that, you’d found yourself left unsatisfied, or perhaps ‘bored’ would be a more accurate description. You were positive you should’ve felt some sort of spark, or at least an unquenchable craving for love.

The door of the bunker opened, and you met him at the front door. He closed it before his comrade-in-arms could even enter.

You shared a beautifully warm hug with him. One that didn’t need words to express how much you missed the other’s presence with the exception of a ticklish breath of “I missed you” in your ear.

Even that didn’t evoke any underlying desires. Oddly, you suddenly felt sad about it.

You felt his hands move from behind your neck to your waist, and his lips brush your neck as they came to meet yours, but not before planting a few pecks here and there on your cheek.

It was a harmless kiss, but you felt him begin to slowly increase in passion. You moved your hands to in front of you, slightly pushing against his chest.

“Seven, w-wait.”

He stopped straight away, the last thing him wanting to do being making you uncomfortable in any way.

You felt terrible for confessing what you wish you didn’t have to ruin. You felt like you’d lied to him since your first ‘experience’ with him.

He listened without a joke in sight, his ears wide open. With a simple nod, he spoke;

“Okay… let’s just take it slow. I’ll love you no matter what anyway, my 606.”

V - JIHYUN

The mint-eyed photographer was somewhat someone you could share your present feelings to an extent.

Since his abusive and damaging relationship with Rika, he’d more or less been subjected to not the most pleasant of sexual experiences. For a number of years, he’d been put off from any desire to re-engage in any type of bedroom activities.

He was afraid of the intimacy. As much as he believed he deserved every bit of Rika’s infliction, it didn’t take away the fear of the moment. Whereas with you, you had no sexually intimate craving whatsoever.

Out of the two of you, he was even more hesitant to begin a relationship than you were, and you were honestly convinced you wouldn’t meet someone as apprehensive about romance as yourself.

There were plenty of moments where you even questioned if what you really had could be deemed as a relationship at all. But you knew he was still recovering from a broken history.

“V… do you still feel love?” you asked him one day.

“I do… but I believe it’s a different kind of love than what the recognized meaning is.”

You saw the nervousness in his face from just the one sentence.

“I think I know what you mean.”

At most, the two of you would engage in the little acts of affection. Holding hands, cuddling, maybe a few kisses on the forehead and some hair play, but it wouldn’t escalate much further than that.

The both of you were plenty happy to keep it that way. As long as you were both content, it never seemed like the relationship wasn’t progressing to either one of you.

SAERAN

He craved the closeness, since being deprived of any love at all from his mother, brother, even his ‘Saviour’. You turned his world upside down.

But those three days in Mint Eye, when he still struggled with his serious case of dual personalities, the physical torment he put you through was one of the worse things you could fear to experience.

He already felt terrible about the matter, and hadn’t even stopped apologising about it yet, even months after the event. You couldn’t bring yourself to tell him that one extra detail.

But for the most of it, you didn’t have to pick him up on any behaviour you didn’t approve of. In fact, he generally kept some physical distance from you in fear that he might hurt you again. It would be soul-crushing.

You reassured him that him sitting next to you, touching shoulders, on the couch while snuggle was perfectly fine with you, and there was nothing to be afraid of. After all, you wanted closeness with him, too.

Just not that type of closeness.

You still slept in the same bed, but you often subconsciously stayed as close to your end as you were able without falling off. You hadn’t realised he picked up on this behaviour, which is what, according to him, lead him to believe you were still afraid of his proximity.

“I understand if you want to keep your distance, MC. I don’t blame you for being that way around me…”

You sighed. “I’ve forgiven you for everything, Saeran. I promise it’s not you… it’s me.”

After you told him, he was so relieved you could see it all over his face. His shoulders instantly relaxed and he exhaled a held-breath. He held both of your hands and brought them to his lips.

“I don’t care about that at all. As long as you’re by my side, then I’m happy with what we are.”

*:･ﾟ✧ There’s something about making an OC that just makes you feel like a proud parent and it’s so great.

Masterlist! + Request Box!

#mm #mystic messenger #asexual #sexuality #mm headcanon #mystic messenger headcanons #jumin #jaehee #seven #saeyoung #seven zero seven #saeran #zen #yoosung #v #jihyun kim

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thecinephale · 6 years ago

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Brushing the Trans Away: ’Ace Ventura’ and ‘Pose’

Have you seen Ace Venture: Pet Detective? How about Family Guy? The Naked Gun 33 1/3? The Crying Game?

Only one of those is known for its transgender character. Or, rather, it’s known for a ten second clip where one character sees another character’s penis and then goes into the bathroom to vomit. The rest of the movie is actually pretty touching. It’s not the best trans representation, but it’s also far from the penis-forward marketing campaign Harvey Weinstein launched in 1992.

It’s not the other three titles listed above.

Maybe you don’t even remember there being trans characters in those three titles. Maybe like me you haven’t seen those two movies or an episode of that show for several years.

But you’ve probably seen them, at least one of them.

What these titles have in common is a scene where a cisgender man finds out that a woman he kissed is trans. In each instance the man vomits. A riff on The Crying Game certainly, but without any of the tenderness and forgiveness and love that fills the 45 minutes following “the twist.”

The scene in Ace Ventura is quite extended. And for some reason the vomiting isn’t really what stuck with me all these years. Nor the burning of his clothes, nor the crying naked in the shower, grossly meant to mirror the common sexual assault survivor trope. What’s stuck with me all these years is the teeth brushing. The vigorous, desperate teeth brushing followed by the gorging on a tube of toothpaste. Trying so very hard to scrub her out of his mouth.

(Watch the scene at the bottom of this post.)

***

After just one episode, Pose, the new show on FX, has done so much. Hell, before it premiered it did so much. Just seeing the posters around New York City has personally improved my day to day mood these past few weeks.

I feel uncomfortable labeling things “firsts.” So often “first” really means first to be recognized by cis straight white people of a certain economic class. Trans people have existed since people have existed and while cinema is an artform that lends itself to gatekeeping there have still been trans artists telling trans stories long before our current era.

But Pose is certainly the first major network TV show with this many trans actors and this many trans creatives. And it’s especially exciting that it’s about trans women of color, since the shows that have probably come closest, Sense8 and Transparent, centered white trans women. It’s thrilling to watch actors who I’d mostly seen in supporting roles be front and center, to see actors who I’d seen on stage or in readings or in a web series, get work that’s worthy of their talents at this production level.

I have no grasp of what Pose will accomplish but I’m so grateful already. No show should have the pressure of being the “first” nor that of changing any sort of landscape. I just hope these amazing artists get to keep telling their stories on their own terms.

*** Okay, but what does this have to do with Ace Ventura? Well, there’s a scene in the first episode of Pose that felt like a cleansing of that damaging cinematic memory. I don’t know if it was a direct response or just a coincidence but my brain immediately made the connection and felt relief.

One of two requisite cis white male characters is Stan, a young father of two recently employed by the future 45th president of the United States. Stan is also (secretly) drawn to trans women, or maybe he’s just drawn to Angel, played by the amazing Indya Moore (watch this year’s Saturday Church to see Moore and Pose lead Mj Rodriguez steal all their scenes). Angel is a sex worker and Stan picks her up one evening. They spend a lovely evening together, lying next to one another in an upscale hotel room talking about their hopes and dreams. When he drops her off they share a passionate, tender kiss.

Cut to Stan in his bathroom pulling an Ace Ventura, brushing his teeth like attraction and plaque are one in the same. This isn’t a pleasant moment. But it’s unpleasant in a markedly different way than the scene in Ace Ventura. There’s no joke. There’s just shame. Instead of the medium framing behind Ventura, we’re tight on Stan’s mouth. We feel the harshness of the brushing. And it feels like such a self-destructive, and absurd, response to the touching scenes we just witnessed.

(Watch the scene at the bottom of this post.)

Now there’s an argument that he’s only reacting this way because he feels he’s cheated on his wife. That’s a part of it. But it ignores the stigma in our society around attraction to trans women, a stigma that results in several deaths each year of trans women of color.

***

That’s the key point here. A movie like Ace Ventura may have filled me with self-loathing, it may have contributed to how long it took to come out. But that’s the least of it. Scenes like that, language like that, contributes to death. Straight men who feel insecure about their sexuality are incredibly dangerous.

Maybe it’s odd in a show as celebratory and emotional and exciting as Pose to single out a harsh moment featuring a cis white guy. But this moment, and its connection to the moment in Ace Ventura, clarified to me just what this show can accomplish, along with the work of other trans film artists like Sydney Freeland, Lilly and Lana Wachowski, Yance Ford, Rhys Ernst, Zackary Drucker, and Silas Howard, who directed a later episode of Pose and has a movie, A Kid Like Jake, out right now (not to mention sooo many others).

We can write back and write forward. We can reframe our lives and the lives of those we know in a way that’s real or aspirational or both. We won’t be able to change how trans and gender nonconforming bodies were portrayed in the first hundred years of mainstream cinema, but we can determine how we’re portrayed in the next hundred.

Pose is one giant step.

vimeo

#Pose #FX #Ryan Murphy #transgender #LGBTQIA #queer cinema #Janet Mock #Our Lady J #Ace Ventura: Pet Detective #The Crying Game #Indya Moore #Evan Peters #Mj Rodriguez #Silas Howard

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bi-writes · 7 years ago

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cia!Tom Holland x Reader ✈︎ first class (i)

category: alternate universe, series continuing: federal agents can make bad first impressions

not my gif

series masterlist

link to wattpad complete masterlist

third person warnings: language word count: 2,248 9:31 am | this is going to be a long trip

“His desk had been empty for a long while. You had stared across at nothing for so long, you wondered if you would go mad. It was sickening to see that seat so empty, but you couldn’t think of anyone worthy to fill it.

Out in the field was chaos. There was always a plan, but it hardly ever went accordingly. There was always a complication, a bump in the road, a person that was in the wrong place at the wrong time. The essence of your job was to expect everything to go awry.

Everything had gone wrong. It had gone horribly wrong, and he was paying the price. Everyone would say that it was the job, everyone would say that the mission was complete, everyone would say that it was successful.

mission m51 completed with 90.433% success

The numbers made you want to vomit. They measured success by how well the job was finished, not about what went wrong. The government labeled it as ninety percent successful, but nothing had gone the way it was supposed to. There was a sting inside you every time you read the briefing; how could they just slap a good job sticker on it and have his name in small print?

You heard rumors that said you weren’t fit for the job, that you cared too much, that you had too big of a heart. Maybe you did. Maybe what you needed to do was not fight the system but instead fight yourself.

“Agent 22,” a voice called out. Just the sound of this man’s voice could have you drawing your weapon. You clenched your jaw in annoyance, turning slowly in your chair to meet his gaze. You stood up at the sight of him.

“Agent Michaels,” you said politely, daringly. You straightened out your blouse, letting out a breath. As much as you wanted to put his teeth into the trash bin beside your desk, you just stood there. He was the special agent in charge, and there was nothing you could do to him that wouldn’t get you fired. The tension could be cut clean through the middle as he stopped in front of you.

“I see you’ve made a lot of progress with your assignment lately,” he said in a low voice. He eyed the stack of papers on your desk that you had yet to fill out. Dragging out your desk work was the only form of rebellion you could think of, and you were damn good at it. You sat against the edge of your desk, crossing your arms in front of you. You smiled knowingly.

“I have,” you replied. He gave you a blank stare as he pulled a folder out from underneath his arm.

“I have an assignment for you that might better suit you,” Michaels offered. You narrowed your eyes at him, suspicious as you took the manila folder from him hesitantly. It was labeled top secret. You were about to open it, but he stopped you. “Only if you’re willing.”

“I’m surprised you’re putting me back out there at all,” you commented, laughing bitterly. He straightened out his tie, shaking his head at your dryness.

“In my professional opinion, you shouldn’t be out in the field at all,” he said seriously. You scoffed a little, trying to hold back the words on the tip of your tongue.

“Oh, yeah? Then why are you giving me this?” You asked.

“Because...there are no other women in this building qualified enough to take this on,” Michaels replied matter-of-factly. You laughed a little.

“That’s not true,” you said knowingly.

“Agent 22, do not make me—”

“Both 32 and 33 are definitely qualified enough for assignments also given to me,” you disagreed, a smile growing on your face. You placed the folder on your desk, standing up straight. You were eye-level with Agent Michaels now, and he was staring right back at you. “So tell me, why are you giving me this?”

Michaels let out a frustrated sigh, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “Because...you have the highest success rate when it comes to field assignments.”

“Because I’m the best,” you reworded, nodding your head from side-to-side. Michaels grimaced. He didn’t want to admit it, but you both knew it was true. It was clear by the expression that had settled on him. You were the best; he just hated to say it out loud.

“If we’re talking about the best, darling, then I believe you’re talking about me.”

It was hot breath that hit your neck, a honeysuckle English accent that almost gave you shivers. You turned on your heel in defense, almost falling backwards. Strong arms caught your waist before you could move any further, tickling the skin underneath your blouse. You let out a breath when you were met with dark, coffee eyes and the most sultry smile; brunette curls and the most attractive-fitting suit. He was holding you closer than you wanted, an expression on his face much too conceited to like.

Someone cleared their throat behind you. The intense staring contest you were having with him stopped, and you stepped back from his arms. His fingers lingered on your back as you noticed Agent Michaels’s disapproving glare.

“Agent 22, this is Agent 17,” he introduced. You were too frozen by his eyes to move away from his arm that was still on your waist. “He was just transferred to here from the Embassy back in London.”

“Pleasure to meet you,” he said softly, moving the hand on your waist to grab your own, kissing your knuckles. You narrowed your eyes at him, crossing your arms over your chest when he let you go. Seeing your glare, he turned to Agent Michaels, “Does she always look so unhappy?”

“Kiss my ass,” you muttered under your breath. He winked, and you wanted to gag.

“I expect both of you to acquaint yourself accordingly,” Michaels demanded. You turned back to him, shaking your head.

“I’m sorry, why do I have to do that?”

“Follow me,” Michaels announced, making his way down the hall. You hurried to catch up with him, grabbing the manila folder lying on your desk. He quickly made his way into the conference room, shutting the door behind you and that egotistical brunette. “This mission can’t go beyond this room.”

“What are you talking about?” You breathed. Michaels pointed to the folder under your arm, and you threw it onto the linoleum table in front of you. He opened it, a line of photos spilling out and listed papers. Two passports, birth certificates, licenses. Briefing reports, pictures of various buildings. “What is all this?”

“Your assignment,” Michaels replied. He leaned over the desk, laying out the pictures. Gorgeous, intricate buildings. Beautiful women posing beside old, richer men. Luxury cars, casinos, empty champagne glasses, extravagant dinners. You recognized some of the buildings, some of the scenery, and you thought you were going to be sick. “Your mission is to infiltrate a trafficking server.”

mission m51 completed with 90.433% success

“Server?”

“A textile company in Madrid has been using the dark net to buy and sell U.S. military-grade artillery and weaponry across Spain and Portugal,” Michaels explained. You picked up some of the pictures, biting your bottom lip. “We’ve been able to track their servers to a secluded location in Madrid. Your mission is to infiltrate a gala, hosted for the company’s fiftieth year in business, and shut down their connection.”

“How are we going to do that?” You asked. You glanced at the agent beside you. He was glancing at the pictures as well, his brows burrowing at the thought. There was mystery inside him, and you weren’t sure if you liked it.

“The details are in your briefing reports, but you will go as a potential seller,” Michaels elaborated. “Get them interested, let them host you at their party, and you, Agent 22, will carry out the most fundamental part of the mission, which is killing their ties to the internet.”

“Me?”

“The textile company is just a front to store their money legitimately. They handle all their business on line, through the deep web, and they have one man that directly oversees all of it; a Mr. Ricardo Valencia. He likes Spanish ballerinas.”

“I don’t dance.”

“You do now.”

The screen glowed bright green, and you shut it off before it beeped. You picked up your mug of coffee from underneath it, glancing at the array of sugar and artificially flavored cream before turning to leave. You took your coffee black; you had taken it that way for a while now.

“No cream or sugar, love?”

You grimaced to see Agent 17 leaning casually against the lounge’s doorway, a lovely smile on him. You took a sip of your coffee, savoring the bitter and strong flavor it sent. Without cream and sugar, it was pure dark espresso and caffeine. Strong, hitting you quickly, like everything had in the past.

“No. I don’t like it like that,” you replied, walking to move past him. He followed you out into the hallway as you bustled past interns and secretaries.

“Don’t you think we should sit down, get to know one other?”

“Are British agents like you always so annoying?”

“Are Americans always so...uninviting?”

“Just the ones you work with. But in this case, I don’t work with you.”

“f’ course you do. We’ve got a plane to catch soon.”

You stopped in your tracks, spinning to meet him. He almost ran right into you, but he managed to compose his stance before he threw your coffee all over you. You let out a breath, frowning.

“Excuse me? A plane to catch?” You quipped.

“Th’s right,” he replied. “First class, might I add.”

“What are you talking about?” You groaned. You turned around to walk back to your office. A small, rectangular room with open blinds. Cork boards across the walls with cases pinned here and there, whiteboards with scribbles and crosses and arrows, two desks. One desk, stacked with papers and pictures and uncapped pens. The other, empty, like always— “Who’s stuff is that?”

A single box was placed on the desk across from yours. Unpacked, but still there. You swallowed; it was an unspoken rule that the desk was to remain empty and untouched. Not even the janitor would wipe it clean.

“It’s mine.”

“No. No, no, no. We are not working together. I don’t do partners,” you protested. You set your coffee down and grabbed the box in both hands, turning to face him. He chuckled stupidly in disbelief.

“Would you stop being so difficult?”

You opened your mouth to yell.

“Darling, just check the bloody report again,” he sighed. You shoved the box into his arms, turning to grab the manila folder on your desk. You flipped it open, shoving the pictures aside before taking a good look at the briefing reports. You let out an angry sigh at the sight.

0800 flight to Madrid

agent 22 acting persona: Miss Ariela Vargas or Mrs. Ariela Vargas Alan

gender: female

age: 25

nationality: spanish

ethnicity: european

background information: raised in Madrid, no siblings, parents in Barcelona, former ballerina, married for two years

agent 17 acting persona: Mr. Daniel Alan

gender: male

age: 27

nationality: english

ethnicity: european

background information: raised in Tunbridge Wells, parents in London, current entrepreneur, married for two years

“This is not happening,” you whispered. You flipped through more of the documents, cursing under your breath when you realized they wanted you to go out in the field with a partner. Another unspoken rule; you didn’t work with anybody.

“I’m not so bad,” he reassured you, setting the box back down on the desk. You let out a bitter laugh, throwing the folder onto the stack of papers unfinished by your coffee. The steam was rising in sync with your frustration. “Darling—”

“Stop calling me that,” you snapped.

“Listen to me,” he said. For the first time since you had met him, his tone was serious. He did not have a knowing expression nor a sly smile, but a defining voice. “I do not want to be here either. I did not want to come to America to work with bloody people like you, but here we are. I am trying to make the most of it, but you are being very difficult to work with.”

“That’s the plan.”

“Shut it, for a moment, darling,” he warned, knowing the nickname would push your buttons a bit. You closed your mouth nonetheless. “We’re here now. We’re working with one another. If we can just tolerate each other for this assignment, it will be over before either of us know it, and I will be out of your hair as soon as we return.”

You don’t know why you let him talk you out of your stubbornness. You don’t know why you even bothered to listen. Even when the SAC, Agent Michaels, was talking to you, you let his words go in one ear and out the other. You don’t know why you let this agent convince you, but you did. Those unspoken rules you implemented were slowing becoming dismissible.

“Okay,” you said finally. Agent 17 took a seat atop the desk, pushing his box of belongings to the side. He motioned for you to sit, and you did. Right beside him, your shoulders touching his as you crossed your arms over your chest. “Let’s get to know each other, then.”

“Th’s much better. See? We’re already friends.” “We are not friends.”

“Alright, alright. One step at a time, I understand.”

“Okay, Agent—”

“Please,” he said softly, shaking his head. “Please, call me Tom.”

taglist

Tom Holland (mature content): @tohollandback @lukescool @aussie-mantle @laughingismydrug

#tom holland imagines #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland au #tom holland fic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland series #tom holland #thomas stanley holland #tom holland smut #cia!tom holland

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intagiio · 6 years ago

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Hi. 1-40

Perish.“1: did you ever think you were straight?”I mean yeah but also like no“2: what’s your favorite element of gay culture?”I mean idk if this counts but the fact that gay people can all of a sudden cling to a fucking TV show and like .. make that show.. i think its rlly funny also its the only way i know what stuff to watch. “3: are you femme, butch, or neither?”i guess neither but probably somewhere in the middle and im certain if i had the motivation i’d be more femme lol“4: do you prefer to date femmes or butches?”femmes lol“5: what’s the worst part about being a lesbian?”well i’m not Technically a lesbian but anyway other than the general societal disapproval,,, probably the fact that.. it’s so hard to date lol like idk“6: what’s the best part of being a lesbian?”when women do date each other, it’s oftentimes very.. soft.. and comfortable..“7: how long were you questioning for?”literally fucking never i just always assumed i was either bi or gay bc like there’s no way i couldn’t have been shdjjfsjd“8: what’s the most annoying thing straight people do?”exist probably. jk but get annoyed at like pride month and FUCK I HATE WHEN THEYRE LIKE “don’t politicize this!!!” when something shows support for the LGBT+ community“9: what do you look for in a girl?”honestly fuck if i know anymore but probably humor and like... idk is a good listener? or can talk to me lol like.. conversations are nice... “10: of you had to marry someone you know right now, who would you choose?”well i certainly can’t say that on tumblr dot com“11: do you have a crush right now?”lightweight yeah but no but yeah i think it’s more of an admiration but huh idk“12: do you fall in love easily?”well. fall in love is a loaded term probably tho“13: is there anyone in your life right now you think you’ll date in the future?”well probably not but maybe“14: is there anyone you want to be kissing right now?”i guess but no also“15: do you think you’ve met your future wife yet?”absolutely not“16: top, bottom, or vers?”well I’M a top “17: is there anyone you wish you could fuck right now?”oh yeah duh but it’s all rather unfortunate“18: rough or gentle?”depends on the mood! duh. gentle tho... :’)“19: how many stereotypes do you fit into?”i’m sure a lot“20: what version of the lesbian flag do you like most? (butch, lipstick, original, etc.)”i feel so out of the loop but probably the original“21: do you have a good gaydar?”honestly yeah but no at the same time like i’ll miss rlly obviously gay people and think they’re straight but kinda just get the ... less obvious gay ppl“22: be honest, would you rather be straight?”lol sometimes but also... women are superior to men at least in terms of romance so also no“23: are you cis?”yessir“24: are you a sugar mommy or a sugar baby at heart?”don’t ask me that but sugar baby definitely“25: are you committed to someone at all right now emotionally?”nope!“26: are you looking for a serious relationship currently?”not really bc i leave in like three months“27: is there someone you’d like to be in a serious relationship in?”i mean kind of but alas not really i just romanticize the thought of people“28: do you want children?”yes!!“29: is your family accepting of your sexuality?”absolutely not“30: how confident are you in your sexuality?”i mean i know i’m not straight bc i enjoywomen but thats about it so i’m fairly confident in that“31: are you polyamorous or monogamous?”monogamous as fuck lol“32: what’s advice do you have for your 12 year old self?”yeah maybe dont fucking do any of the shit you do and maybe try to be a better person idk also ur not going to stanford lol dont think u are“33: have you ever been to a gay bar?”nope“34: leather jackets or flannel?”flannels fuck i love flannels!!! at one point in time i owned 13“35: describe your dream girlfriend”uhhHhh funny... understanding... loyal... lol, uhhh... like someone who is simultaneously a caretaker and wants to be taken care of... u know ,,,??? also attractive but thats just me being superficial i think. i was gonna go more in depth but perhaps i should not on this public website. anywho. someone who cares about the world and is motivated and doesn’t do things just .. to have the right stance on it. ya know? yeah. also a dog person bc i want a corgi w her. frick“36: do you have any lesbian friends?”yessir but i have more bi friends sooo“37: what elements of gay culture do you actively participate in?”i’m gay“38: do you find straight people irritating?”i mean not bc theyre straight obviously but yeah occasionally“39: would you rather adopt a kid or have a biological kid?”well i don’t want to give birth but i do want to have a biological kid. i would like to do both i think.“40: do you love yourself?”i think i’d like to but i think i just think nobody else does, so i don’t know why i would. i’m rather neutral to myself and i kind of see my brain as separate from my body like i’m.. two different people. lol #gemini. u know what i mean tho. so i don’t hate myself but i’m not entirely favorable towards myself

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logh-icebergs · 7 years ago

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Episode 33: Fortress vs. Fortress

Love Triangles

“Yang told me not to write the real names even in my diary, so I’ll use pseudonyms, but non-commissioned officer A and non-commissioned officer B had been fighting forever over the civilian Miss C, and that fight was revived on Iserlohn, but Miss C, who hated Officer B, impulsively shot him to death.” —Julian’s Iserlohn Diary, p. 61-62 (From episode 30.)

Honestly, the love triangle between Officer A, Officer B, and Miss C that Julian describes in his diary sounds like one of the more straightforward and classic love triangles in the LoGH world. LoGH love triangles, as we’ve discussed, tend to be rather twisted, tragic, or otherwise subversive. These triangles don’t present an either/or choice between two romantic rivals standing on equal ground, where the choice hinges on the interior romantic feelings of the character at the vertex; rather, most love triangles in LoGH are narrative tools to highlight the ways social structures shape our choices for us, or to add depth to characterizations by showing the ways that people approach these choices differently.

On the Alliance side, the love triangle of season one was between Yang, Lapp, and Jessica, with Jessica at the vertex. And the way it played out set up open questions about Yang’s wistful passivity and reluctance to pursue a romantic relationship with Jessica both back in college and now, despite her professed interest. Many factors were at play in that dynamic: Yang may have believed that Jessica was more interested in Lapp, or been reluctant to compete with his friend; and in the present day, tensions over their past, Lapp’s death, and the war complicated any possible relationship between them. But as Jessica tells it in episode 10, she was disappointed that he didn’t continue to express interest after that first awkward dance; and despite that confession and an almost-kiss, Yang’s reluctance remained a constant, as he made no further move to pursue her.

In season two, Yang is involved in another love triangle of sorts, and this time he is at the vertex.

The line in Japanese is Teitoku wa itsu ni nattara hakkiri saserun darou? which translates literally as “when will the admiral make it clear?” The official subs translate it as “when will the admiral just tell her?” which is misleading: It implies Julian has a belief that Yang reciprocates Frederica’s feelings, but both before and after this Julian professes not to know Yang’s feelings.

This triangle between Yang, Frederica, and Julian currently exists only inside Julian’s head. But for Julian at this point in his life it is very real and looms very large—dominating his thoughts, as we see in the moment above, even as he rushes into battle against a giant fortress that just warped into the corridor and attacked them. And since it’s foundational to the emotional arc of the whole rest of the show, it’s worth taking time to examine in painstaking detail exactly how it’s set up early in this season.

The Julian/Yang/Frederica Triangle

(From episode 24.)

The last time I talked about Julian’s feelings for Yang I speculated that, despite seeming to have all the major symptoms of a crush, he probably didn’t frame it to himself that way (although we had no way to know for sure). But that was almost a year ago—in story time, that is—and a year is a long time when you’re fifteen-going-on-sixteen. And uh, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that he’s figured some stuff out.

Have I fangirled about Nozomu Sasaki’s voice acting yet? Well it’s about time I did—the subtitles can’t do this exchange justice, so please go watch it (12:17) right now to appreciate the soft edge behind his “saa” here. Damn. (From episode 30.)

This is one of those times when I’m not sure what my job here is supposed to be: Schenkopp asks whether Yang is interested in Frederica and Julian’s reaction is to say “how should I know” then lower his eyebrows angrily and shoot the target directly in the heart. Tell us how you really feel, Julian.

Ding ding ding, yes, how he really feels is jealous. Well done Schenkopp. This is the line right before we jump to Schenkopp interrogating Julian on the shooting range, and already here a triangle of some sort is suggested, with Julian and Frederica paralleled to each other as rivals for Yang’s attention. So how is Yang processing this line? How is Cazellnu? We’ll come back to both of those questions in the future! (From episode 30.)

In episode 33 we get another peek inside Julian’s mind, as checking in on the Cazellnu ladies prompts him to recall a recent conversation with Yang.

Have I mentioned Cazellnu has issues? Seriously dude, pressuring your 30-year-old friend about his love life is one thing; telling a teenager you intend for him to marry your eight-year-old daughter someday is a whole ’nother level. Leave Charlotte and Julian alone dammit.

Yang is totally oblivious here to how his “eh she might seem like a little kid to you now but things change” take might interact with Julian’s own complicated emotions...

...and it makes sense to me that Julian immediately fires back by probing Yang’s feelings for the only obvious potential romantic partner currently in his life.

Julian’s emotional life revolves entirely around Yang. That’s been true since we first met him, and when he was fourteen or fifteen it manifested as relatively uncomplicated hero worship/puppy love, a desire both to be as much like Yang as possible and to do as much as possible to look after him and be useful to him. But that dynamic isn’t sustainable as Julian grows up. And what these two scenes tell us is that a thread of tension now runs through Julian’s emotions, specifically about the development of Yang’s love life. Everything about the narrative framing in these scenes sets up a classic love triangle: Schenkopp’s insinuations about Julian being jealous of Frederica segueing directly into Julian acting angsty about not knowing whether Yang reciprocates Frederica’s feelings; Julian’s thoughts jumping from remembering Cazellnu’s matchmaking schemes between him and Charlotte to solemnly wondering when Yang will make his feelings about Frederica more clear.

...But this is LoGH. And zooming out from the narrative framing to the broader context, to say this particular triangle is “not that simple” would be a drastic understatement. Julian and Frederica are not on equal ground here; while Frederica seems perfectly constructed as a potential romantic partner for Yang, every possible situational variable is aligned against Julian. When Julian thinks about Yang “making things clear” or “making up his mind,” the two options on the table are “yes Frederica” or “no Frederica.” Julian simply isn’t an option. Heteronormativity is one factor in that, sure, but not the most important one—the age difference and power dynamic mean not only that Julian is a socially unacceptable love interest for Yang, but that in fact any expression of romantic interest from Yang’s end would be deeply, deeply inappropriate. And Julian must know that. However…

Is it too disturbing to say that what this line reminds me most of is a dog marking its territory? Anyway, it’s the addition of “favorite” that really gives it that possessive feel; he could have just said he has to go make Yang dinner, but instead he feels the need to emphasize that he is the one who knows how to cook food just the way Yang likes it. (From episode 30.)

Frederica isn’t a threat to Julian’s role as Yang’s intellectual disciple, or to his role as Yang’s physical protector. But she is a threat to his role as Yang’s caretaker and domestic partner, and it’s no coincidence that he ends the conversation with Schenkopp by emphasizing that position. Sure there’s nothing romantic about their relationship right now, but the status quo is still that Julian is the person closest to Yang, the person who lives with him and looks after him and cooks for him and spends cozy evenings beating him at 3D chess. The two sides of the triangle may be “Frederica” and “not Frederica,” but the closest Julian can hope to come to actually being chosen is for Yang to never choose anybody, for the status quo to just quietly continue.

On Surface Readings

A lot of the storytelling in LoGH has the feeling of a magic trick: It tells one story if you look at it through glasses that assume romantic attraction can only occur between men and women, and completely different stories if you remove that lens. The key to this trickery is that it’s simultaneously true that there exist non-queer interpretations of the things we see, and that if you tally the details of how the stories are actually told, those interpretations don’t quite add up. In the case of the Julian/Yang/Frederica dynamic, there are two different possible non-queer readings, and it’s worth taking the time up front to examine each of them and how they interact with what we’ve seen so far.

Reading #1: Frederica is the vertex. This is the magic trick illusion: If we attempt to interpret the situation starting from the assumption that between Yang and Frederica, Frederica is the only possible object of romantic interest for Julian, then the two scenes I analyzed above suddenly constitute evidence that Julian has a crush on Frederica. More specifically, they constitute the only evidence that Julian has a crush on Frederica.

Yes this gif is super cute; no it’s not sufficient evidence of a crush. (From episode 17.)

Julian is friends with Frederica and likes her. But never (until these two scenes) have we seen his emotions around her seem fraught; we’ve never seen him think about her when she’s not around, or stand in the background of scenes smiling at her. We’ve never even seen them have a conversation in which Julian didn’t bring up Yang.

As I pointed out above, several details about how the dynamic is framed in episodes 30 and 33 reinforce the fact that Yang is in the role of vertex: a) It takes serious mental gymnastics to see Schenkopp’s “Julian will be jealous if you take Frederica to Heinessen and not him” line as trying to imply that Julian has a thing for Frederica. b) In both scenes, Yang is the one whose feelings are unknown, the one who has a potential choice to make. And c) Julian’s none-too-subtle emphasis of the fact that it’s his job right now to cook for Yang makes it even clearer that it’s his role in Yang’s life that’s at issue.

The only reason to think that Frederica rather than Yang is the vertex is an assumption that Julian must be straight. And the only evidence that Julian has a crush on Frederica is the assumption that she must be the vertex of this triangle. This reading falls to pieces as soon as you remove those glasses.

Reading #2: It’s not romantic. This is much more interesting, because unlike Reading #1, it’s not just an illusion created by heteronormative assumptions. It’s a complexity inherent to the actual situation, and incredibly difficult to actually parse out the nuances of, both for us and for Julian.

The show doesn’t bother to give us a lot of details about Julian’s background in season one—we don’t even know at what age Julian went to live with Yang until the beginning of season two—and it’s easy as a viewer to classify Julian early on as “basically Yang’s kid” and therefore assume Julian sees it the same way. But that view bulldozes over a ton of complexity. Julian was raised by his father until he was eight, and went to live with Yang when he was twelve; Yang is his hero, teacher, mentor, role model, idol—all sorts of things, in addition to legal guardian, that create a major power differential between them. But never once does Julian refer to Yang as being like a parent to him as such—if we look at the source material, he’s consistent in referring to himself as Yang’s disciple (弟子) or orderly (従卒), and as I’ve pointed out before, this is reflected in the anime by the fact that his language and bearing around Yang, while affectionate, are more like a subordinate than like close family.

“So far I’ve only lived just shy of fifteen years. Exactly half of Yang’s age. In the next fifteen years, can I catch up to Yang’s pace? [...] ‘Don’t hold back and merely catch up, fly past him,’ Cazellnu said, and Schenkopp teased, ‘You’re running while he’s taking afternoon naps. Surely you’re gaining ground.’ Poplan laughed. [...] All three of them are watching me with interest and possibly some sympathy as I chase after my shifu (a good word, I learned it from Yang) from far behind.” —Julian’s Iserlohn Diary, p. 136-137 (From episode 29.)

Yang, for his part, has never wanted to be a parent or felt comfortable in that role; and the only way he knows how to treat Julian is as some combination of student and housekeeper.

Okay I’m not actually trying to over-analyze Yang’s syntax here; honestly I’m just taking the opportunity to use this gif because it cracks me up. (From episode 6.)

All of which is to say that in Julian’s eyes, Yang is an idol rather than a parent; and developing crushes on idols or mentors is so common as to be cliché. There’s nothing inorganic or unrealistic about the idea that Julian’s puppy love could develop into romantic attraction as he grows up. It would be complicated, awkward, painful, confusing, stressful, all sorts of difficult things for him—but none of that makes it unlikely to happen.

Good stories raise more questions than they answer; and the ambiguity and complexity of Julian’s feelings is one of the beautiful things about this story. Is it precisely accurate to call Julian’s feelings romantic? That’s not meant to have an easy answer—especially once you acknowledge that not all romance fits into neat normative boxes, especially once you recognize that romance isn’t synonymous with sex or lust, the lines become fuzzy and difficult to pin down.

But what’s unambiguous is that the question of whether Julian’s feelings are romantic is salient, both to the audience and to Julian himself.

I mean...come on.

The direct segue from Schenkopp commenting on Julian’s jealousy to asking about Yang’s romantic feelings; the paralleling of Yang and Frederica’s potential romance with Julian’s potential future romances; the visual of the target being shot directly in the heart. All of these details suggest that Julian is struggling with the question of how his place in Yang’s life relates to Yang’s love life and to his own. There’s no simple answer, and we’ll be continuing to look for details that give insight into how Julian himself perceives his emotions.

Cazellnu

Meanwhile…

“If you think about it, Cazellnu has no deeds of arms at the front lines or anything. Just through desk work he became a rear admiral at 34, so he’s a real bureaucratic prodigy. [...] When he took university entrance exams, he also passed the exam for the business management program at Ale Heinessen University, but he got the date for the enrollment papers wrong and was left with no choice but the military academy; he says this was one of the major blunders of his lifetime. The other one, he says, is ‘something my wife can never know.’” —Julian’s Iserlohn Diary, p. 110-111

Okay, so we’re focused on the anime here and technically Tanaka’s writing is not our Official Canon, but this backstory for Cazellnu somehow explains so much. When Yang left for Heinessen he failed to anticipate that Iserlohn would be attacked by an entire fortress (some “Magician” he is...), and left Cazellnu, Bureaucratic Prodigy in temporary command while he was away. Logical enough if the problems that are likely to arise are that somehow not enough toilet paper rations were delivered to block 74 that week; but it’s safe to say that Cazellnu finds himself a bit out of his depth when Geiersberg shows up.

Schenkopp just straight-up disobeys Cazellnu’s order here, chain of command be damned—I like this little reminder that Schenkopp (and by extension the Rosen Ritter) has chosen to be loyal to Yang, but that doesn’t mean that he meekly accepts the authority of the Alliance forces in general.

The other admirals aren’t so brazen, but are also deeply frustrated with Cazellnu’s passive, let’s-just-try-to-stall-until-Yang-saves-us approach to the battle.

Mercifully, for Cazellnu and for the whole fortress, Merkatz has finally had enough of this. This is his extremely dignified and polite way of saying “listen kid, how about you step aside and let someone competent handle this.” Have I mentioned Merkatz is the best?

Poor Cazellnu didn’t ask for this and is really doing his best, and I almost feel bad for him…… but then I remember that he believes the ultimate purpose of human life is to pass on your genes to the next generation and that he ships his eight-year-old daughter with Julian, and I feel less bad.

Yeah that’s right Alex, you brought this on yourself. Shoulda gotten those business school papers in on time, eh?

Stray Tidbits

The liquid hydro-metal coatings of Iserlohn and Geiersberg are one of my two favorite inventions of the anime (the other, of course, being Julian’s cat). This battle is absolutely gorgeous, and I love the Empire’s tactic of using the gravitational pull between the fortresses to submerge the Thor Hammer and expose the back of Iserlohn to attack. Well done anime team, well done.

“In terms of sci-fi concepts, I like the anime-original fluid metal of Iserlohn fortress. Kato Naoyuki (mechanic concept design) didn’t want to just have ships entering and exiting the fortress through an opening, and we started talking about what if they sunk softly into a mercury-like substance, and so it was created. That creation led to the idea of, during the battle with Geiersberg, using the gravitational pull to attack the back side.” —Producer Masatoshi Tahara, interiew in “LoGH: Complete Guide”

Aha, our first mention of Julian’s height, everyone take a shot! Okay, so tracking Julian’s height down to the half-centimeter (really) is more of a thing in the novels than the anime—in fact I think this is the only time we’re given a specific number in the show, although not the last time the topic arises. Anyway, I share Julian’s “where the fuck did that come from?” reaction here. Is this conversation a product of Yang musing about what Schenkopp said about Julian being jealous? A reasonable interpretation of Schenkopp’s line is that Julian is frustrated at being treated like a kid and left out of the fun grownup adventures. Yang may be obliquely trying to reassure him that he’ll get there soon.

Or maybe that book he’s reading just mentioned something about height and the question was totally random? I honestly don’t know.

In any case, after his initial surprise Julian seems quite pleased that his progress toward adulthood is not going unnoticed. And hi Gensui, yes I see you with that adorable yawn in the background; don't worry, Iserlohn’s design is badass but you are for sure the cutest addition to the anime. (Both from episode 30.)

I want to read the rest of this story dammit. Does Rose manage to drive the squirrel away?? This is the LoGH fanfiction the public demands.

Schenkopp, I used to respect you, but weak coffee? Have you no dignity at all?

I don’t blame this random kid for seeming so horrified by the request.

Is it possible that all Alliance coffee is just too weak and that’s why Yang hates it so much? (From episode 17.)

Julian, we can see you. Didn’t anyone teach you it’s rude to stare?

“Haha, my bad.”

Have I mentioned that I love Iserlohn? Damn it’s gorgeous.

#Legend of Galactic Heroes #Legend of the Galactic Heroes #author: Rebecca #Alliance #Julian #Yang #love triangles #surface readings #Iserlohn #Cazellnu #dammit Cazellnu #seriously though what is your deal #Merkatz #Julian's Iserlohn Diary

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vrenaewrites · 4 years ago

Text

AFTER by Anna Todd thoughts: Prologue - Ch 50

Full video here.

Originally wattpad fanfic about Harry Styles??????

PROLOGUE:

“I didn't know college would be more than academics”

Confused by (her roommate’s friends) inattention to structure: How fucking lame are you

“And that’s when he crept into my heart” Is he italicized in the books i bet it is

Dude’s name is hardin? More like hard-on amirite

CH 1:

It starts with an alarm going off?!?!?!? Rule number one!!!!!

She spends the prologue telling us she’s been prepping for college all her life and then spends a good half a page telling us that again

“Whatever else teenagers else do, that wasn’t me” We got a mary sue here guys

Razor from the knees down - ok virgin - why was this a detail?

Oh shiiii she got a boyfriend? And his name is NOT hardin guys

She told us multiple times that she prepped for this day forever but also keeps saying she has no idea what to expect...does this take place before the internet? Like...google it??

CH 2:

She just said she saw the school online, like you can find pics of the school but you couldn’t find a single youtube video about “what college is really like” foh

So the mom sits in on orientation but is expected to leave before seeing the dorm room how tf that girl supposed to get all her shit up to the dorm?!?!?! Parents usually help you move in??

So the car was packed FULL of her stuff but then she says she only brought clothes and books and her bf doesn’t have much to carry...so what is the truth?

Oh shit her roommate has tattoos

“Where the dorms are tiny and the parties are huge” and this information is fucking earth shattering to tessa and her mom and not-hardin

CH 3:

Two closets in this tiny dorm room…

“College is not what i expected” you said MULTIPLE TIMES you didn’t know what to expect so what is the truth?!!?!?!?

“Both genders” yikes on bikes

CH 4:

HE HAS A THICK ENGLISH ACCENT goodBYE

“Hardin scott is not my boyfriend” okay, so many things. No one fucking talks like that unless they wanna introduce the full name of the love interest in the clunkiest way

Also HS are his initials goodBYEEEEE

CH 5:

“Destroyed his body with holes and tattoos” omg

CH 6:

Hardin is fucking neg that calls her Teresa when she asks to go by Tessa and as someone who constantly gets called Vicki when I ask to go by Viktoria, I am on her side in this instance and this instance only

CH 7:

She is so upset that someone called her prissy but then she can’t even bring herself to think of what those people are doing in the frat house bedrooms

CH 9:

The word bottom. As in, steph pushed her bottom against a guy as she danced with him...BOTTOM

She’s in a bedroom with her drunk roommate and a really great collection of books and I GUARANTEE this is Hardin’s room

Wuthering heights ffs

KNEW IT

CH 10:

And she’s crying

CH 13:

She introduces herself by her full name and landon does the same whyyyyyy who does this?

He’s a nice kid unlike you - i’m shocked at my harsh words

Am i just a bitch or is she the weakest

So they’re just walking and he screams, “Stop staring at me” out of nowhere and walks away...sounds stable

CH 14:

“Noah is my boyfriend and I would never do anything to hurt him” This is what we call foreshadowing my friends

“A man who is rude an intolerable being made into a romantic hero? It’s ridiculous” hardin

Foreshadowing…

She literally just said her boyfriend is like a little brother…ew

“I’m aware that my hips and breasts are larger than most women my age”...women are fully developed at 18...i don’t understand…

Mary sue shit

CH 15:

“She’s intimidated by you because you’re not like other girls” is that a real thing…

“You look...different” - hardin PUKE

“Are you a virgin?” i puked again

No one seems surprised - bitch you dress like a nun

CH 16:

These chapter breaks make no gd sense

“Hormonal college rock n roll misfits”

Immediately takes a shot of vodka

Hardin looks disappointed that she took a shot because she’s not like other girls…

Slut shaming.com / tessa re: molly

CH 17:

“Sorry if i don’t dress like a slut” no you just wear pleated skirts and khakis like a mormon mother

Hardin doesn’t drink OF COURSE they are sober lil bookworms together

I want to be an author. Of course because she is the mary sue of our generation move over bella swan

She’s drinking again after almost puking

CH 18:

“We don’t need to have sex, we have fun by going to the movies...and going on walks” ON WALKS.

OH SHIIIIIIIII THEY KISSIN

CH 19:

This girl has never been horny before and she cannot cope with the feeling

Am i bad a person for feeling like “Well she already cheated by kissing him, might as well keep kissing him?” like i know that’s wrong but…

CH 20:

Oh my god she’s not telling her boyfriend that she kissed someone else??!?!?

Oh shiii hardin’s in her dorm

HER MOM IS AT THE DOOR

WITH NOAH?!?!?!?!?!

When i say weakass you say bitch

CH 21:

The fork at breakfast reminds her of hardin’s lip ring….

She just called Hardin Mr. Rude. “Mr. struggle” lol anyone else watch Cody Ko??

Noah won’t kiss her in public and she does NOT get horny with him

CH 22:

Pride and prejudice is not a magical book tessa

Landon’s mom and hardin’s dad?! Oh shiiiii

“Are you ocd or something” christ

Literally he’s throwing her notes all over the floor like what a four year old

“Eyes burning into mine” AGAIN

They kissin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh shit they doin MORE than kissing

“You’re so sexy tess” I PUKED

Steph’s eyes are clapping with glee?????

“You could learn a lot from Hardin, like, sexually” - steph

okay………

CH 23:

They’re talking about the use of foreshadowing in pride and prejudice about if you could tell that darcy and elizabeth would end up together…

What kinda hamfisted shit…

And then she and hardin get in a screaming match about their situation but it’s coded in darcy and elizabeth language like come onnnnnnn

So much twilight vibes: “your mood swings give me a headache” “i should stay away from him, i know he’s dangerous” dangerous how? Because he has tattoos?

FIRST FULL BODY CRINGE: “You’re thinking about me and you have that feeling, down there, don’t you, teresa?”

Twilight: “i don’t wanna stay away from you”

CH 24:

“He really is bipolar” dude

She likes bon iver and the fray...of course she does

CH 25:

SHE FOLLOWED THIS STRANGER INTO THE WOODS

No murderino instinct at all

“He must be cold in the warm ass water because he can’t be getting flushed seeing me, a girl he’s made out with multiple times and is obviously attracted to, in nothing but his t-shirt” bitch COME ON

“I’m having real fun, not watching a movie fun”

This is such a dig at noah who she says doesn’t need to fuck her because they watch movies together

SECOND FULL BODY CRINGE: “These lips, the things you could do with them”

THIRD: “Oh Hardin,” I moan and squeeze him with my legs. “I want to make you moan my name over and over again” - hardin

My hormones are out of control - who is thinking about their hormones at this point

FOURTH: She goes to cover up and he’s like don’t ever cover yourself from me, i’ve been with so many girls but none like you

And they’re not gonna do it but “there are many other things he wants to do to her first” and at this point my body is contorted like a jumbo shrimp

FIFTH: The whole fingering scene honestly. Just all of it. He made her towel off with his shirt...am I missing something? She had already put her pants on...what’s the point of that???

SIXTH: “You haven’t said a word to me since” - “since i gave you your first orgasm?”

CH 26:

Wtf is this dude’s problem? She ignores her boyfriend’s call to keep making out with him and he’s like “don’t break up with him on my account, there’s no us going on” like dude y’all just went on a date...so you can keep saying you don’t date...but you just did…

CH 27:

She’s so selfish!!!! Calling Noah because she got rejected by Hardin!!!!!!!! Noah deserves better 2k20

And then she mentions it in front of Hardin to make him jealous WTF

Hardin petty ass Scott says, “noah, that’s a nice cardigan you’re wearing”

Thanks I got it from the gap!!!!!!!11

CH 28:

SEVEN: Tessa wants noah to get her horny so she keeps trying to kiss him and when he won’t let anything happen she stops and he says, “that was nice, tessa”

Tessa takes noah’s car to go help hardin and leaves noah in her dorm room alone when he drove 3 hours to see her!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CH 29:

Hardin toxic asshole Scott threw a hissy fit and tessa comes to save the day

He dresses her little glass cut after telling her she’s pathetic...woof

CH 30:

Holy manipulation station nation

Then he forces himself on her and her dumb bitch ass KISSES HIM!!!!!

BECAUSE HE SAID HE NEEDED HER, THAT’S ALL IT TOOK

Cringe throughout: that she describes his lips as pink. It’s weird as fuck.

EIGHT: “You know who i think you are when you’re with me?” “Who?” “yourself”

CH 31:

NINE: He’s telling her if she says the word he’ll leave her alone: “Tell me teresa,” he coos, and i whimper. “Hardin,” i whisper. WHY?

SHE IS GONNA STAY WITH HARDIN WHILE NOAH IS WAITING FOR HER?!?!?!?!!??!

CH 32:

“I don’t know if it’s his smile or the fact that he’s only in boxers, but I’m in a much better mood than before” you skank ass hoe

TEN: He says her clothes hide how sexy and curvy her body really is. Sexy and curvy. Both.

CH 33:

ELEVEN: “I know this happiness isn’t going to last” - the happiness being her straddling this guy that isn’t her boyfriend - “and i feel like cinderella waiting for the clock to strike midnight”

“I can behave any way i want with hardin tonight, because in the morning i’m going to tell him to leave me alone forever” HUH

TWELVE: I am just as intoxicated by hardin, as hardin is by the bottle of scotch he drank

THIRTEEN: Who is this girl straddling this punk boy and asking to touch him...down there?

CH 34:

FOURTEEN: He says he wants to taste her and this dumb bitch licks her lips like “yeah we been kissing wtf” and he says “no, down there” EW

CH 35:

Noah standing up for himself!!!!!

FIFTEEN: Then he calls them those gothic people...gothic? Not goth. Gothic.

HARDIN DONE BARGED IN!!!!!!

CH 36:

Hardin and Noah about to get into it!

Hardin making tessa be honest with noah OMG THE DRAMA

SIXTEEN: I am a moth to hardin’s flame and he never hesitates to burn me

CH 39:

Tessa gets a makeover to go out with steph and i KNOW she’s gonna see hardin and they’re gonna be inappropriate in public

And hardin is here OF COURSE

Oooh and he’s with molly! Tea

She is a slut - TESSA NO

Chapter 37: hardin will ruin tess if she ever comes around again chapter 39: he’s driving her home and making sure her burger doesn’t have ketchup

CH 40:

Noah will get back with tessa if she promises nothing with happen with hardin and we are only halfway through this book BITCH

CH 41:

Oh he drunk and at tessa’s dorm

This BITCH. JUST. GOT. BACK.TOGETHER. WITH. NOAH. AND. IS. GETTING. IN. BED. WITH. HARDIN. TO. WATCH. A. MOVIE.

CH 42:

He picks her up and forces her to sleep in the bed with him despite her saying no

CH 44:

She admits to herself that sleeping beside hardin is worth losing noah and then is trying to talk herself into believing that noah is hotter than hardin????

“You don’t need makeup” “well i like it” “well you’re bad at it” negging ass

This man at the store says, “hardin?” in an english accent and she’s like “i knew it was his dad” well how many fucking english dudes are in this small washington town my friend

This bitch agrees to go to dinner with hardin’s dad knowing damn well he and his dad are NOT on good terms...she’d be walking home…

CH 45:

And then because he doesn’t wanna go to dinner with his abandoning father, she says she’s gonna go to his dad’s house for dinner with ANOTHER DUDE?!?!?!?!?!?

She ignores noah’s call

It is stressing me tf out that she isn’t calling noah back and is instead getting ready for a date with hardin’s family...this poor cardigan wearing man

CH 46:

I LITERALLY DO NOT CARE ABOUT THE FAMILY!!!!!!!! GET BACK TO THE CRINGE NEGGING AND ALMOST-BONING

CH 47:

“He rubs the back of his neck like he always does” - this is the first time he’s done this??

CH 48:

SEVENTEEN: “Oh tessa the things you do to me”

Fingers her without asking?!?!?!?!?!?! She literally says “Without my permission”

CH 49:

She is staying at hardin’s family’s house for the night, asks for her own room because she has a boyfriend - YOU JUST GOT EATEN OUT BY ANOTHER DUDE FIVE MINUTES AGO

~~~~

#reading #fiction #after #anna todd #hardin scott #tessa young #harry styles #fanfic #cringe #cringe books #cringe review #negative review #book review

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btvs · 7 years ago

Text

all of britney spears’ songs are gay, and here’s why:

a list of all of britney spears’ singles from her albums, and why they are gay. these are just the examples because i cannot include every single song of hers on here.

1) baby one more time. this is kind of an obscure one, where you have to look a little deeper for clues. the first one is the amount of times she says “baby.” of course, baby can be a term used towards men, but one of the times she says it, she includes “pretty” beforehand. “pretty baby” is definitely a pet name i have never heard used towards a dude. another lyric from the song is “give me a sign.” this is referring to how gay people need to give each other a sign to let the other know that they are also gay. last of all, britney “still believe[s]” that the girl she is crushing on is a lesbian.

2) sometimes. this song is about britney struggling with internalized homophobia. she expresses, “sometimes i run, sometimes i hide [...] but all i really want is to hold you tight [...] baby, all i need is time.” britney describes how she needs time to think about her feelings and if she is really ready to be in a relationship with another woman.

3) (you drive me) crazy. the level of gayness in this song can be easily shown in the music video, because the hot guy and hot girl are both shown equal amounts of time. watch it and you’ll see what i mean.

4) born to make you happy. this is a very sweet, romantic song, which could only mean one thing - it’s gay.

5) from the bottom of my broken heart. the lyric, “you were my real love, i never knew love till there was you,” shows how britney was unsure of her sexuality until she found this person, and she learned what love was when she discovered that being with a girl is what made her happy.

6) oops! i did it again. this song portrays britney’s frustration when a man falls in love with her, because she knows she is not attracted to him no matter what. she did not intend for this to happen because she does not care about men.

7) lucky. although britney is lucky in this song, she could also be singing about a girl she loves named lucky. the other option is that since she is “[crying] in her lonely heart,” she is sad because she doesn’t have a girlfriend.

8) stronger. in this song, britney has ended homophobia and is stronger because of it.

9) don’t let me be the last to know. here, britney has a crush on a girl who is embarrassed to admit she is also in love with britney because of her internalized homophobia. britney is thinking, it’s okay to be gay!

10) i’m a slave 4 u. one lyric in this song is: “always saying little girl don’t step into the club, well i’m just tryin’ to find out why ‘cause dancing’s what i love.” britney is talking about a gay club and how she is unsure why people are judging her for going to one when she just wants to have fun.

11) overprotected. this song is clearly gay, summed up in this one line: “i'm so fed up with people telling me to be someone else but me.” britney is sick of society telling her that she should be straight!

12) i’m not a girl, not yet a woman. in an interview, britney said, “[...] it’s a personal song about that transitional stage in life.” by “that transitional stage” she means realizing that she is gay.

13) i love rock n roll. this is a cover of a joan jett song, and therefore, gay.

14) anticipating. the lyric “got to show me you got everything that i need” hints that what britney needs is a woman.

15) boys. although this song is titled “boys,” britney’s lyrics show that this song is about a girl. “those lips and your brown eyes, and the sexy hair.” these are features that are usually the ones that are noticeable on girls, not boys. additionally, the last line is “can’t live with em, can’t live without em.” this quote literally is a phrase men use that actually begins with “women,” aka referring to how they can’t live with or without women. britney literally took a term about women and used it in this song.

16) me against the music. this song features madonna, queen of gays. close to when the video was released, madonna and britney had their famous kiss. in the music video, britney and madonna actually almost kiss again.

17) toxic. the music video was inspired by sydney bristow from alias which is claimed by gay people. it’s a gay people tv show, and toxic is a gay people song. gays love it. straights hate it.

18) everytime. this song is very deep and depressing. conveniently, deep and depressing is gay people’s specialty! this means the song is gay.

19) outrageous. apparently, the lyric, “outrageous. let’s be it, girl” is referring to how britney and madonna should team up and be outrageous (controversial) together. if you know what i mean. ;)

20) my prerogative. britney is fighting for gay rights!

21) do somethin’. “i see you looking at me like i'm some kind of freak.” britney subtly addresses a lot of homophobia in her songs.

22) someday (i will understand). the music video is in black and white. you know what other music video was in black and white? vogue by madonna. a gay classic.

23) gimme more. in the music video, britney is shown pole dancing with some other women. looks gay to me!

24) piece of me. “you wanna piece of me?” is the question britney asks throughout the song. the message can be interpreted as a gay metaphor, and she is saying that gay people are awesome too.

25) break the ice. the music video is basically anime. gay people watch anime. also, there are no pronouns in the song hinting that it may not necessarily be about a man. this theme is actually in many of britney’s songs.

26) womanizer. “[‘womanizer is] basically saying, ‘we know what you’re up to.’ it’s about guys cheating on girls. it’s a girl anthem. that’s why i like it. so hopefully the fans will see it that way too!” queen of feminism. she really does hate men!

27) circus. britney spears invented circuses, which are gay culture.

28) if you seek amy. this song, without a doubt, is extremely gay. britney is looking for her girlfriend, amy. britney also states that all of the boys and all of the girls want to fuck her. and she is okay with both of those! this song was also released on my birthday, which adds points.

29) radar. she might as well just say “gaydar,” because that’s the only radar people talk about and clearly what the song’s message is. gay people can notice other gay people!

30) 3. the music video shows britney being somewhat sexual with a woman. although the song describes this threesome as britney and two men, that’s not what kevin federline says britney likes.

31) hold it against me. this song is literally about katy perry’s body. although it was originally meant to be performed by katy herself, the message still stands. britney sings about how she wants katy perry’s body. maybe britney was the girl katy kissed and liked!

32) till the world ends. because there are no pronouns in this song, we really will never know if it is about a man. maybe, maybe not. probably not. if they’re dancing till the world ends, only women can do that because they’re better dancers... facts only!

33) i wanna go. britney uses a very weird repeat/echo of a word in this song - uncontrollably (lably, lably, lably). only gay people can pull that off.

34) criminal. in this song, “criminal” is a gay metaphor. she is singing about being in love with a woman like it’s a bad thing because she is again addressing homophobia. she doesn’t want anyone to worry about her being gay.

35) work bitch. bitch is a gay people word that gay people say. britney says bitch 20 times in this song. that’s like, probably a record. also, the music video is kinda gay.

36) perfume. if you ignore the real message about britney being jealous/worried that there is someone else interfering with the relationship, it sounds kind of like britney is actually in love with that woman. she wants the woman to smell the perfume that britney wore especially for her.

37) make me. we all would like to forget about this song.

38) slumber party. this is possibly britney’s gayest song, after “if u seek amy.” the music video is extremely lesbian and shows britney basically making out with tinashe. britney also said, “i think a lot of girls are gonna have a lot of sleepovers to this song, it’s definitely a song you wanna take you and your girlfriends go out and just have a great time - eat a lot of pizza and talk about boys and just be really naughty.” remembering what was in the music video makes this quote sound a lot more gay.

#i spent like 2 hours on this #also disclaimer this is only half serious #if there's any spelling mistakes in here i will die #m #britney spears #ok to reblog

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