#the physics aren’t perfect but I had a lot of fun with them

[unordinary-diary]

Arlo’s Ability Potential

Arlo could actually be so fucking OP and I’m not kidding.

In my last entry, I mentioned that Arlo could do so much more with his ability: things ranging from very unlikely to happen in the story, to things that are foreshadowed enough that I genuinely think he’ll be getting a powerup soon.

I’m gonna start with the most reasonable stuff and then wander out into speculation.

First of all: Disks. Do y’all remember Lennon from episode 196-ish?

^ this fucker.

Currently, Arlo’s fighting style is to put up a strong barrier around himself, and watch his enemies hurt themselves with their own recoil damage. His only offensive technique is to put his enemy in a barrier and make it smaller. Now, this has changed in recent chapters, with him developing that softer kind of barrier that he hits people with like a shockwave, but ultimately, his offensive power isn’t very diverse.

However, Lennon up there^ uses his disks in many ways.

He throws them, they’re very sharp, he can use them to fly, and therefore attack from the air. Blyke had a LOT of trouble against this guy.

How is this relevant? Because Arlo can make these disks too.

When Sera, Leilah and Arlo are fighting Spectre agents under the dampener, Arlo conjures one of these disks as a substitute for his usual barrier.

Not only do we know that he can make these, we know that they are significantly easier for him to make and maintain. So, in theory, Arlo should be able to do all of the things Lennon can and more.

With him currently being able to make three regular barriers at once, how many disks could he make? And how many disks could he make while having a full barrier up? I imagine that the future holds lots of fights against large groups of people, so Arlo learning these techniques would be extremely convenient and very well-timed. Especially since being able to attack from the air is super effective against opponents who can’t fly (which is most of them let’s be real) since they usually can’t hit back.

But there’s more things that I think these disks can do.

Imagine him practicing with a ball—

Pick it up, bounce it up and down.

Add another disk, make it ping-pong.

but he could also just put the ball in a regular barrier and just... move it around. Move that sucker to a different location.

he could pick the ball up, carry it really high, then drop it.

Now imagine the ball is a person.

... yeah.

but there’s more that he could do.

say that someone is coming at him with enough strength to break his barrier

If aimed right, the opponent shouldn’t hit the third barrier head on, but rather at an angle. The angle should be enough to prevent the barrier breaking, but still cause significant recoil damage. In this particular scenario, the recoil damage will go straight to the head and neck, using all their force against them. Depending on how much force is coming at him, the third barrier could still break, but it isn’t his main line of defense at least. With practice, Arlo should be able to use disks to divert attacks, and control where his opponent aims. The only person this wouldn’t work against is probably Seraphina bc Arlo can’t react in time.

Another thing to consider is: how small can he make the disks? Could he make little shurikens? If so, would making them very small allow him to make more? Could he stand behind his full barrier, while sending out a flurry of tiny chakrams? And if so, wouldn’t that be dope as fuck? Especially against a large crowd.

And since, in theory, he should be able to fly, he should also be able to make other people fly. Imagine all of them flying on top of a disk with Blyke and Isen loudly singing I Can Show You the World. I see zero reasons why this can’t happen.

Moving away from disks, Arlo should start filling his barrier with stuff. Now, we rarely see characters weaponizing things that aren’t abilities or their bare hands, but it does happen. This is where the idea of water balloons comes in. Fill that sucker in the sink, throw it, then pop it whenever he wants to.

But it’s not just water, he could put anything in there. He could put a shit ton of glitter. He could put sewing needles, caltrops, a big rock, anything. He could probably even put a barrier over his stove, gather steam, compress that shit and make smoke bombs!

But enough with that bitch baby shit.

What about chemicals?

Make water balloons but instead of water it’s hydroflouric acid. Or fill that shit with liquid nitrogen. Make smoke bombs but instead of steam it’s mustard gas— he and his friends will be protected inside a full barrier. There is any number of chemical weapons he could use, and some gases could even be made at home by mixing the wrong cleaning materials.

But what about insects? Go to the woods, find a beehive and yoink that shit.

The main problem with the “putting things in barriers” idea is that he’d have to prepare ahead of time, and keep those barriers up and his ability active until he uses them. That means it isn’t useful unless he knows the fight is gonna happen, and has enough time to prepare before it, but not so much time that he loses energy keeping them up. It’s also not useful if he wants to be non threatening at first, because his ability will need to be active. And also, unlike other weapons, A lot of these can’t be stored. He has to use all of them before the end of the fight— especially since gases can’t be released without using them. So, not very convenient or practical most of the time, but it would be super cool and effective in certain circumstances.

The next unlikely technique for Arlo to develop is vacuums. Arlo could make a really tiny, spherical barrier. Airtight. EXPAND that sucker. Make it real big- a near vacuum inside. Then make a tiny hole in it. Depending the size, that could create some insane suction. Suction is something so versatile that it could actually be a whole ability in its own right. That’s a whole ass mid tier added to Arlo’s already dope skill set. Possibly more.

Seriously, just think about suction for a second. You could bring anything close to you— Arlo actually has an easier method of telekinesis as we’ve gone over, but still— you could probably break and bend things with enough force, divert an attack by sucking it, or your opponent’s body in a different direction, you could cause some severe damage by sucking directly on someone’s skin. (I’m trying so fucking hard not to make a sex joke oh my god)

Here’s where Arlo’s capabilities get… gruesome.

My brother suggested that he could suck someone’s brain out through their skull. I was incredulous, but with enough force and with the tiny suction hole placed on an eye or nose, he definitely could.

But there’s an easier method of killing right there: put the vacuum over someone’s head. It doesn’t have to be an intense enough vacuum to explode their head (it could be though), just enough to suffocate them. Even without killing, suffocation could be used for intimidation or to knock them out.

But if we ARE killing… Arlo could put someone’s whole body in a vacuum and have the same effect as throwing them into space. They explode, their blood boils, it’s fuckin freaky what happens when a person depressurizes.

Even without a vacuum, (or any of these, really) it’s a good thing Arlo isn’t willing to kill because there are about a million ways he easily could.

The question that inspired the whole idea of a vacuum to begin with is: could Arlo make a barrier inside of someone, then expand it? The answer? Probably yes.

This gruesome shit is the reason I imagine Arlo at his full potential to be like… a villain au. Also because having an OP villain doesn’t have the same narrative pitfalls as an OP protagonist.

What’s Arlo’s range like? Could he expand his range with practice? How far out could he shoot a disk? Could he puncture the hull of an empire class battle ship leaving thousands to drown at sea? You know, because it’s so sharp?

Seriously though, could he take down airplanes?

Making barriers bigger or smaller doesn’t seem to affect his energy at all, considering that he never has to shrink it to save energy even when it would make sense (like with the dampener— Arlo just warned that he couldn’t keep it up, then took it down and switched straight to a disk even though there was plenty room to shrink it). So if the size of it doesn’t matter, then how big could he make it? Could he make Atlantis? Pick up a city and put it underwater with a barrier as an air dome? Could he make a dome around the earth and block meteors? Could he crush the core of the earth and blow up the planet if he wanted to??

Sadly, the answer to all of those questions is “probably not”.

Arlo is already super OP, they don’t call it a god tier for nothing. But he could be so much more godlike. I know I got really crazy at the end there, but back up just a little bit and he could realistically be a god among gods with just a little creativity. Especially at the top where the images are. Most of this stuff would not be hard.

[astrow1zar6]

Big Slay Placements to have in your chart

Jupiter in the 10th house: big boss placement, these people are usually so hardworking and ambitious at whatever job they do & have the ability to climb the financial ladder very quickly. Gives good luck in finding a career & making money. A lot of big business bosses & CEOs have this placement.

Jupiter in Leo: oh you’re the main character, this is such a lucky placement to find in your chart. Grants amazing level of confidence and charisma that can get you very far in life. Usually have good luck in dating as well & can be very good with children. This person will be very generous & big hearted, usually the party starts when they walk in. Very loud & unashamed of themselves. If afflicted however it can be big narcissists & have a hard time saving money. But overall these people are pretty lucky.

Venusian moon/degrees (Taurus + Libra, 2,14,19,26 degrees) gives a very pleasant personality and a charming mannerism. Bestows beauty on the native as well. I’ve never met anyone with these placements/degrees that are unattractive I swear. These people also have an easier time finding their soulmate than most. Can have very satisfying relationships that are usually long term. Their partners are also usually pretty attractive as well. These are truly bad bitches!

Venus in the 5th house: can charm the pants out if anyone. Even if they aren’t that attractive they can get anyone in their bed I swear. Although I notice their relationships can be rather short lived it’s usually not long till they have another admirer waiting to date them. They love to flirt.. and are usually very good at it. They see flirting & seduction as a game & have a lot of fun with it. It usually makes the native very physically attractive & have very beautiful children as well. U ever see those families where all of them just look so perfect?? 9/10 one of the parents got Venus in the 5th house. However they can struggle with addiction easily whether it be sex, gambling, dating ect.. so be careful you can get very overindulgent!

Venus/asc or in 1st house: a classic bad bitch astro placement. These people are just super pretty. They get noticed for their beauty and lot and usually have a lot of admirers. These people are easy to get along with and are agreeable (they hate arguments and confrontation). They can get popular easily on social media for how they look. Have a very ideal feminine body type (usually hourglass figures with a big 🍑). They can be love addicts as well just like Venus in the 5th house people. Tend to be interested in dating and had crushes at a very young age. They also attract pretty partners and friends as well (they do not fuck with ugliness😭). They can come off as pretty vain and superficial but it’s hard to fully hate these people even if they are a lil surface level. Also very blessed career and financial wise most of the time. (Their appearance helps them get jobs they aren’t normally qualified for) super blessed imo.

Venus conjunct Jupiter: idk why but I think of Santa Claus when I see this placement, just super generous & have big love for others. This placement also screams POPULAR. Your social life is always booming and really busy. People are just really drawn to you and you have amazing social skills. U attract all different people from all walks of life. Anything Jupiter touches it expands so when it touches Venus everything associated with Venus is multiplied in your life meaning you can attract nice things easily, attract a lot of wealth, partners, friends ect. They can have a very exotic look or be attracted to others with exotic looks (people from different cultures/ethnicities). They also can be very spiritual and have strong beliefs and a good amount of faith which gives them confidence and optimism. Beware of overindulgence and laziness because they can become pretty lazy if they don’t challenge themselves.

Sun in the first house: they are usually very flashy personalities (even the introverts). Every one I met with this placement had a big star quality about them like you can tell they have the skills to be very well known. They have a great amount of confidence & and lot of people I see with this dress soooo nice & are really good at taking pictures on social media. They love attention which is why a lot of celebrities have this in their chart they attract others to them like a magnet. This magnetism however attracts a lot of jealousy from others, you can have a lot of haters as well as admirers (it’s cuz you’re popping💋). These people can get too lost in the spotlight and become really egotistical & arrogant if they don’t watch themselves which can cause a lot of chaos in their life. But overall these people usually have a big fan base (even if they aren’t famous). Very good placement for the sun.

Neptune in the 1st house: they all look like they came out of a vintage Hollywood magazine. They are so naturally glamorous and glossy looking. They can have features that look very ethereal or out of this world like in a mystical way. When I think of this placement I think of lady Amalthea from the last unicorn. Many models and celebrities have this in their chart. They tend to take perfect selfies as well. These people actually can benefit from plastic surgery (not instigating it at all) but they can make themselves look even more unreal if they get it. (Ex; Kylie Jenner lips). These people can be big trendsetters too and can notice a lot of people try to copy them (it’ll never be the same effect however) they look so naturally cool and glamorous it’s hard not to copy. Most have very creative original styles that people admire so much. These people however can fall into addiction & mental health problems if they don’t take care of themselves… they have very fragile mental states due to their extreme sensitivity so it’s important for them to take care of themselves instead of using escapist tendencies. But overall these people are real life mermaids/fairies🥺

If you guys want a part two I will be willing to make more of these☺️ cuz I have a list of placements I find super cool to have. Lmk in the comments 💋

[eupheme]

Not to be the little gremlin obsessed with Chappell Roan BUT… reader thinking Logan is too cool to want a proper relationship with them, so when things get physical they insist things are just “casual” in order to protect themselves from getting hurt. But secretly you’re in love with each other, so honestly, neither of you want things to be casual at all… (mutual pining my beloved) please & thank you!! Love you!

ahh hi hi avo I LOVE this song, and this request, and you - I could so see this being a situation that Logan and reader find themselves in. I had so much fun writing this, I hope you like it! (I added a couple winks to the lyrics as well.) 💖 thank you so much for sending this to me!!!

casual | variant!logan howlett x f!reader

1.2k | posessive!logan, fwb(???), use of alcohol, mutual pining, references to oral sex and PiV.

It doesn’t matter that your heart flips when you look at him. It’s Logan. It’s just casual.

It certainly feels like a dream, watching your worlds collide.

The heft of Logan’s palm fitting into your friends as he shakes their hand - the five of you squeezed into your usual booth in the corner of the bar.

You’d say the past couple weeks had seemed that way, as well. A late-night dose of bravery spiraling into something so raw and intense and real, that you feel like you could choke on it.

Even now, there’s heat in your cheeks as your eyes flick his way. Something stirring in your chest at the way his other arm slings across the back of the booth almost possessively.

But like all dreams, there comes a moment where you have to wake up.

Because you know it’s not.

Because you know your feelings aren’t requited. How could they be, when it’s Logan you’re talking about?

A legend.

A lone wolf.

Someone important, someone whose name carries a weight. Who saved the world, from what Wade tells you.

And you’re - you.

So even if you know what he looks like beneath that flannel, know what his mouth feels like when it presses against yours - what he sounds like, when he comes - you know that this is nothing.

It’s casual. A distraction, for both of you.

And if that’s how it has to be, then you’ll do your best to show him you’re cool with it.

You just hadn’t expected this moment to come so soon. It had been a genuine offer, your “you wanna come with?” when the hour rolled around for your weekly trivia night.

Not thinking his head would cock to the side. The look he’d give you - that arched brow, as his fingers splayed out across your bare hip. Still crowded together on your couch, sweat-dewed.

The “sure, sweetheart” that slipped out.

And now you’re introducing him as your friend - that quick history you’ve perfected - rattling off the “you know, Wade from work’s roommate” even though Wade didn’t work at the dealership anymore.

He had made enough of an impression that none of your friends had forgotten.

And you ignore the bitter jolt in your stomach, when all Logan does is hum.

You think you must have assumed right.

He doesn’t correct you.

Logan quickly solidifies himself as an asset to the team. He gets a lot of the history questions that you’ve always struggled with. A shy quirk of his lips when your friends cheer, and you get swept along with it.

His hand ending up on your thigh along the way. Squeezing, when you chime in. Almost as if forgetting - it’s easy to, when you’re having fun like this.

A low rasp in your ear, when the host takes a break.

“Lemme get you another.”

You can only nod, as he eases out - taking your glass with him.

It only takes a second, before MJ’s hand slaps down on yours.

“That’s Logan?” She hisses - leaning forward, “The one who-”

“Yes.” You cut her off, ignoring the sideways glance her boyfriend gives you.

You never should have told her about that.

Had a hard enough time climbing into your car without thinking about it, yourself - the way he had man-handled you in the passenger seat. Thighs thrown over broad shoulders.

Fingers twined in his hair, as he made you moan in the dark parking garage. Too eager to make it up to your apartment.

She frowns, the words petering out, “But I thought-”

Your teeth worry at your lower lip.

“Yeah. Me too.” You sigh.

MJ knows how much you like him.

Really like him - butterflies, and everything. How it’s been years since you felt this way - slipping from you during that rushed phone call at 6 am the morning after your first night together.

Her eyebrows raise, and it’s a look you know well.

“It’s, you know.” Your hand waves, “It’s casual. It’s-”

It’s easier, this way.

Maybe if you keep repeating it, it won’t hurt as much when he moves on.

The look she shoots you is one of pity, just as a drink is set down in front of you.

Your teeth clicking against each other as the words are swallowed. Forcing a smile as Logan slips back in the booth next to you.

The next round starts a moment after, and it’s a welcome reprieve.

You miss the way his eyes narrow, as yours fix firmly on scorecard in front of you.

But you don’t miss the way his hands stay folded on top of the table, for the rest of the night.

You suppose he must have remembered where he was.

“You wanna come up?”

He lingers outside your apartment door, hands jammed into his pockets. That look from the bar is back - all dark, narrowed eyes.

A low sound in his throat, close to a scoff.

“That what you want, sweetheart?”

Your eyebrows raise, “Well, yeah. I mean-, that’s what we usually do, right?”

He’s spent just about every night at your apartment. His things still scattered across your room. A leather jacket slung across the chair that’s tucked against your vanity.

Logan’s lips twist at the edges, eyes dropping.

“Suppose we do.” Those hands slip from his pocket, crossing over his chest, “Back when I thought we knew what we were doing. But now…”

His head shakes. A tick in his jaw.

Your stomach drops.

“What do you mean?”

Logan huffs, “The bar, baby. Is that how you really feel?”

A step closer, until he’s caging you in. Voice dropping, rough and low - near gritted out.

“Does this,” His fingers flick between your chest and his, “feel casual to you?”

Your heartbeat gallops behind your ribs.

“I thought-,” You manage, “Thought that’s what you wanted.”

He’s too close, now. The dip of his head, those eyes burning in their shades of brown and gold.

“Now, why would you think that?”

You swallow, “Because you’re you, and I’m-”

“You’re?” He prompts, but you go silent.

A sigh, when your head dips.

Unable to say it out loud.

“Driving me crazy all night, you know that?” He rasps, “Giving me those looks. Calling me your friend, when we both know your mouth was around my cock this morning.”

A low rumble in his throat, “When I still taste like you.”

Your breath hitches, as his hand thumbs at your jaw, tilting it up.

“Lemme ask you again.” His mouth is close enough now to ghost against yours, “Is that how you really feel?”

Your head shakes.

“Wanna be yours.”

It’s breathed out, just as he kisses you.

His body pressing flush, as your hands twine around his neck. A palm around the back of his neck, pulling him closer as he deepens it.

Desire thrumming to life inside you, washing out the dregs of insecurity that you’ve been carrying this whole time. Melting them away completely with the hungry sweep of his tongue, the way he swallows your soft moan.

There’s a flash of white when he finally leans back, with the curve of his lips.

“Good.”

His hand closes around the knob. A rough twist, as his another arm wraps around your waist.

Walking you backwards, into the dark.

“Then let me show you exactly how I feel.”

thank you so much, again!! 💖

[madamechrissy]

Fractured Desires

ꕥ Pairings: Suguru Geto x Satoru Gojo x Fem Reader It's a mess tbh lol

ꕥ Warnings-MDNI-explicit sexual content, Satoru Gojo is a mean little shit, there will be a lot of threesomes/ foursomes/ complicated shit and some infidelity and confusion. There is some physical description of the readers height/body, don't read if too unimmersive for you. Angst and smut and yandere Gojo behavior. In this chapter- Toxic Asshole Gojo, and toxicc hoe Geto

ꕥ Word Count this chap- 8.7k

ꕥ Summary- You meet Suguru Geto at your work, he is charming, gorgeous, and wants an open relationship. You jump in, and you all share women and have way too much fun. But then it's starting to get serious between you, official even. He can't wait to have you meet his best friend. But... Satoru Gojo hates you. The minute you meet. He gives you no reason, but he's nasty to you, no matter what you try. Suguru finally has enough of Satoru being so mean and brings up the idea - 'let's have you two fuck this frustration out'

Satoru hates you because deep down wants to make you his. He doesn't understand how Suguru could ever want anyone but you. Though it's a bad idea, he agrees to share you with Suguru for a chance at you and... The moment he touches you... Rules are bent and broken, Suguru develops feelings for another girl, and Satoru gets further obsessed with you. Nothing is as it seemed. Will everyone get hurt?

Masterlist

ꕥChapter 1 ꕥ

Satoru's POV

Satoru Gojo hates you. No, he really hates you.

As Suguru and you walk in, hand in hand, and he sees your pretty eyes all lit up, he realizes he despises you more than anything. Hates how you smile at him, how you look at Suguru so adoringly, he really hates how positive and sweet you are, especially to him, when he’s a dick to you.

Why don’t you stop? Just be a bitch back or something, be real with him, but no, you’re perfect aren’t you? Just a perfect girl, beautiful, though he doesn’t find you attractive, no way . Even though he can see every curve in that dress you wear, your lush breasts swaying (because why can’t you wear a bra) your hips swaying, your little waist where it juts in.

You have a gorgeous body, but he doesn’t care, he doesn’t care your skin glows, and your cheeks get pink. He hates that. He hates every bit of you, as you stand there, so tiny compared to Suguru and him, so tiny he could throw you. Tiny and evil. Sure you’ve been nothing but nice but he knows you’re awful somewhere in there, because who can be so sweet?

As you bounce in his office, holding a little envelope that was pink just like the dress you wore (god you’re so girly, you annoy him that way too) Satoru Gojo just scowls at you, then looks to Suguru. Suguru looks like a puppy so in love with you already, and how, it hadn’t been that long had it…

“Happy birthday, Gojo!” You beam at him, coming to his desk and leaning forward, hugging him around his neck. He tenses then.

Your collarbone is so inviting and delicate, right against his face, as your breasts are soft on his own chest, the weight of them so intoxicating. You smell so sweet, like cherry blossoms, he hates that, hates you. He hates how much his arms itch to wrap back, how much his hands want to slide up your back, grip those pretty tits that are killing him.

Fuck he hates you.

“Ahem…” You awkwardly step back as he just sits there, and he glares at you, making your pretty face fall for a moment.

Good.

Your POV

“Sorry, got carried away. I am so excited to give you this gift!” You hand him the pink envelope, and Suguru comes closer, leaning on Satoru’s desk and smirking.

“Open it baby boy.” Suguru teases, and Satoru rolls his pretty blue eyes.

“A gift would be not having to see you.” He says tersely, glaring at you then, and how did someone so stunning and beautiful look at you so mean . For what?

You tense then, and Suguru has a glare on his handsome face, coming to wrap an arm around your waist gently but assuredly. His big hand is warm on your hip, and you watch Satoru’s bright blue eyes hone in on them like a hawk. Suguru leans forward and presses his lips against your temple, firm hot lips that you adored, and you instantly relax.

“Satoru, she’s just trying to be nice, could you please just try not to be such a colossal dick?” Suguru asks calmly, and Satoru lowers his gaze back to the envelope again.

Satoru Gojo hates you. You don’t know why.

You’ve been dating Suguru for only three months, so not a very long time, but you’d known him for a little longer, he’d come into the club you work at on the weekends, and would sit at the bar and talk to you. Until one night you got the hint, and did go home with him, and fuck if it wasn’t the best decision. Suguru Geto was absolutely amazing in every way possible.

You both had fallen into an easy situation-ship, as Suguru was very open sexually, and though you weren’t at first, he made it fun. You were bisexual, so you all started just having fun together with a couple gorgeous girls, and fuck Suguru was superb in bed too. The thoughts alone make you tremble.

You all ended up developing feelings and deciding to be together, and exclusively date even if you all had fun in the room, you both promised to only ‘date’ each other. It was weird, and not common, but it seemed to work. You loved watching Suguru get pleased by another woman, and he loved to watch you get pleased.

Even though he hadn’t said he loved you, you had let it slip during one particular love making session alone together. Definitely had to do with Suguru’s tongue honestly. He had said he needed some time, which was fine with you, because Suguru treated you like some queen.

He took care of you, he was there for you, shit he spoiled you honestly. Though he was with other women sexually, he only dated you, and he’d even offered to bring a guy in the bedroom. But you weren’t sure about that sort of thing, with a guy.

When you’d met his best friend, and fuck you’d been so excited, Suguru talked him up like he was amazing, he clearly adored him, so much so you wondered if they were together together, perhaps in the past. Suguru brought up that they'd shared women and everything, and of course when you saw Satoru Gojo your heart had faltered.

He was beautiful, this tall white haired man with a perfect face and baby blue eyes, the yin to Suguru’s yang. Both of them were the most gorgeous men you’d seen. Suguru had talked so much about how Satoru was just the absolute best person, how he would adore you, because Suguru did. Bright and funny, and a loyal friend, almost like family.

Welp.

The Satoru Gojo you met was mean . Nasty. He looked at you like you were something disgusting to him, and he had not once smiled your way, and you have absolutely no clue what you’ve done. You have tried everything, to the point Suguru has brought up not hanging out with him as much, but you never want to ruin a friendship, and you insist he keeps trying.

But no matter what, any time you were around, Satoru had nothing nice to say, no he had mean things to say. Sometimes so cruel Suguru and him would fight, and Satoru would sort of apologize, once Suguru backed off hanging out with him. Which was hard, since they work together in the same building, both running the same damn company together.

You hate that you come between them.

“Yeah, yeah… my birthday is tomorrow.” He slides a silver letter opener to tear open the envelope then.

“She wanted to give it to you today.”

“Hmm… holy fuck!” He runs a hand through his silky white hair, as his full lips part in a gasp, staring at the tickets. “This is front and center for the game tomorrow!? How, these are sold out!?”

“I got them last month. Suguru brought up how much you love going to those games and I got a deal on them.” You say, and Suguru smiles down at you, looking so handsome, you brush back his long locks, kissing his cheek and giggling.

“Knew he’d love it.” Suguru murmurs, and you get just a bit of hope, until Satoru pulls the tickets out.

“Three?” He says haughtily, glaring those ridiculously pretty blue eyes up at you then, blinking those spiky white lashes. You sigh.

“Yeah, I thought we could all go? If that’s okay!” You wring your hands nervously in front of you.

“Of course it’s okay, right Satoru?”

“Can I take someone else?” He asks, and you feel your chest tighten. Suguru opens his mouth, brows low over his brown eyes, but you stop him.

“Um, it’s your gift. Of course you can. I didn’t mean to impose.” He sighs, rolling his eyes, leaning back in the big black office chair and thrumming his fingers on the mahogany desk like he’s bored.

“You don’t care? You bought them, and a pretty penny I bet.” You just blink back that emotion, smiling brightly, earning a scowl.

“It’s your gift and I shouldn’t have been so sure you’d want me to go. So of course, but please take Suguru.”

“Babe-”

“It’s fine!”

“Oh I’ll take Suguru.” He smirks, and it’s a nasty one, too nasty to be on such a pretty face, as he eyes your body up and down. “Think I’ll invite a really pretty girl, someone banging hot.”

You tense at his words, and Suguru does too. “Yeah, what now? As if she’s not drop dead gorgeous, please fuck all the way off. You can dislike her but don’t lie.”

You’re bright red, and barely held in tears make your vision blur as Satoru casually assesses you. “Mmm… she’s okay I guess. I meant actually hot.”

“I’m just gonna go.” You whisper then, trembling as he so casually douses the small bit of self esteem you have, the one that Suguru had helped you with.

“Apologize, now, because you know it’s bullshit. I know you stare at her so cut the shit.” Suguru’s voice gets dark, deep and authoritative, and Satoru frowns then.

“I didn’t say she’s ugly or something. As if that matters to her .”

“I’m right here, you know.” You cut in then, tilting your chin up, and Satoru stands up then, hands in his pockets.

“All right, surely you know the caliber of women I get. How do you stack up, short stuff?” He is right in front of you, bent down, and your tears escape, just two of them, but you quickly blink and look down.

“Satoru, I swear to fucking-”

“It’s fine, Suguru.” You whisper, swiping at your eyes then facing him, the man who so casually says you’re basically unattractive. “I’m sure you get much prettier women than me. I don’t think I’m very pretty, by the way.”

He glares then, a snarl on his lips. “You’re full of shit, I know you think you’re hot shit, I see it in the way you act, the way you walk.”

“You don’t know shit. You don’t know anything about me. You can call me ugly all the fuck you want but don’t pretend to know who I am inside.” He blinks his white lashes, leaning back a bit and opening his mouth.

“Baby…”

“I didn’t say you’re ugly, I just…”

“Said I’m nothing like girls you get. Said I’m not hot.”

“You’re not hot to me.”

“Good, I shouldn’t be! I’m not your girlfriend.”

“Well thank god I can’t imagine having to wake up and look at that face in the morning.” You back up then, and the tears do flow, and for just a moment you see Satoru’s face fall, as if maybe he realized how horrible he is.

But too late, you just want to leave.

“Satoru I’m fucking done, you- baby don’t go.” You shake your head as he holds on to you.

“I’ll leave and stop ruining your day. Have a good birthday, Gojo.” You murmur, and he opens his lips to say something, but you cut him off with a wave of your hand, leaning up to kiss Suguru then. “I overstepped.”

“You didn’t, he’s being-”

“Text me later.” He reaches for you but you turn and walk out the door, your chest heaving, trying not to show tears so embarrassingly in the busy office, struggling to just catch a breath.

Satoru’s POV

“I’m not going with you. I’m so fucking done. You’ve been a dick but this is too far even for you.” Suguru shoves Satoru then, and Satoru starts to hate himself, more than he already has been lately.

“She knows she’s gorgeous, she just wants attention.”

“You have no clue what she does or doesn’t know. When I met her she was so down on herself, it’s taken a lot just to get her to feel pretty, now you go and fuck that up for her.”

Satoru pauses, lips tensing as they are pressed together, and he sees you walk out of the office from the window, and when he sees you it hurts his heart. Your hands are in your face as if you’re crying into them, and that little pink dress and your long hair are flowing in the wind, you look like some painting out there, so perfect and tiny in the big city.

Fuck.

“I was just trying to get a rise-”

“She spent so much money on those. Just for you to maybe not hate her, and what do you do, make her cry? I’m done.”

“Suguru… I just didn’t think that someone who looks like that…”

“Like what?”

“She’s beautiful and yes I know she is. Not blind. How does she not know she is?” Satoru runs a hand through his silvery hair, and Suguru glares.

“So instead of saying that you make up some bullshit? Not like the girls you get!? She’s prettier than anyone you’ve fucked.”

Satoru lets out a dejected sigh. “Yeah. I know.”

“Then what… what the fuck is your problem! What has she ever done? She even tells me to hang out with you when I don’t want to.”

Satoru pauses. “She does?”

“Yeah, she sure does, or I wouldn’t talk to you aside from business. She pleads your case as you down her, trash her. I know it’s only been a few months, but she is important to me.” Satoru’s heart hurts, as he looks back out the window, and of course you’re gone, probably still crying because of him.

And he’d lied right to your face.

You believed him, too.

How? When you’re so beautiful, how could you not know how just your glittering eyes looking at him tear his heart out of his chest? And that was why Satoru hates you so very much, because of that.

How can he look at his best friend’s girl like that? No, he must hate you instead, because if he lets his guard down…

It’d be over for him.

“Satoru, you aren’t fucking listening.”

Satoru looks at his best friend, seeing the anguish in his face, and it makes him feel even worse. “Sorry. I’m sorry, okay?”

“How could you be so mean, even to a stranger let alone her? It’s not even like you. It’s like I don’t know who you are. And if this is jealousy for her time with me, she always makes sure we have time alone, so-”

“I know she does. I know she’s perfect. I know she’s beautiful. And, I know she is a sweet person who’s only been nice to me. Okay!?”

“So what the fuck-”

“I hate her.”

Suguru blinks in confusion, crossing his arms then, tilting his head to the side to study his best friend. “Why though?”

Satoru’s hands grip his desk so tightly the knuckles go white. “I don’t know what to tell you, I just do.”

“You want me to break up with her don’t you?”

“Yep.”

“So what, I can be miserable and lonely like you?”

“Fuck you, Sugu. I fuck plenty.”

“And I fuck plenty.”

“Her though.”

“Yeah, her but… we bring girls in.” Satoru blinks at that again, imagining you with another woman makes him stupidly hard in his trousers, and he huffs as he turns away so Suguru wouldn’t notice. “So surprised?”

“She seems like a goody goody.”

Why would Suguru want to fuck another girl anyway, when he had you ?

“Brought Utahime home last week and fucked her.” Satoru glares over at Suguru behind his shoulder.

“Both of you?”

“Mmmhmm.”

“And you eiffel towering over this girl too?”

“No. We haven’t done anything with a guy. She hasn’t wanted to, and yes, I offered. I am not one sided.”

“Hmm.” Is all Satoru answers, then Suguru breaks into a little laugh. “What’s so funny?”

“You wanna fuck her. How did I not see this?”

“Do not! What, no.”

“Maybe if you weren’t such a dick she’d go for it. She thinks you’re hot, you know.” Satoru frowns, turning back to Suguru then.

“What, like you all are poly? Why? Isn’t she… enough?”

“That’s a weird question from you. It’s just what works for us right now, but yes she would be enough for me if she wanted to go exclusive. I was already poly when we met, she was a little hesitant but jumped right into it.”

“Huh. Well, I don’t wanna fuck your girl. That would be…”

“Sure you don’t. It’s like when a kid picks on a girl, so childish. You could have just told me that you wanted to.”

It was beyond that. Satoru didn’t wanna just fuck you, he wanted to be with you, kiss you, worship you, fuck he wanted to breed you even, bend you over his desk and cum inside you. It was horrible, the thoughts, as he jerked off in his bed at night to one of your photos he’d sent himself from Suguru’s phone.

Yep it was that bad.

Even this offer? It would never work.

“Maybe just try to be nice, and spend the night.” Satoru looks at Suguru like he's lost it. How was he so calm about you? About sharing you?

“You want me to fuck your girl with you, Sugu? You crazy?”

“If it would get you all to get along, absolutely.”

“She hates me.”

“No, she should, but she doesn’t.” How could you not hate him? Satoru is wracking his brain, trying to figure you out. Were you perfect? “Anyway I’m out, at least ask her to go to the game with us, would you please? And apologize.”

“I can’t just text her.” Suguru rolls his eyes.

“Why not?”

Because he would lose his mind if your name popped up on his goddamn phone, that’s why.

“Tell her it’s fine if she comes. I’ll… apologize at the game.”

“That’s as good as it’ll get I suppose. Bye, asshole.”

Suguru leaves, and Satoru’s mind is a blur, as he digests the type of relationship you and Suguru clearly have, and it was not what he expected. Suguru damn near said ‘fuck my girl’. What would he even do if he touched you? If he tasted you. The thought makes his mouth water, makes his cock hard.

Did you taste as good as you smell? Fuck.

He wouldn’t even wanna share you if you were his, not even with his best friend. Luckily he hates you. Right?

***

Your POV

You’re at the basketball game the next day, dressed up in the white and blue little outfit Suguru had picked out for you, the team’s colors, and you sit awkwardly next to Satoru and Suguru. Satoru has barely talked to you all night, but he’s been nothing but civil, which is as good as you can imagine.

You don’t know why he even invited you after the way he talked to you yesterday, and he sure has not apologized, but here you are. It did take some convincing from Suguru though.

(earlier that day)

“Ah, Sugu… oh f-fuck yes, there there!” Suguru’s tongue was lavishing your little clit, and he sucked it into his mouth, chocolate eyes darting up your body as he hummed on it, making you fall apart under him. “S’good… oh my…”

You’re cumming all over Suguru Geto’s handsome face, and he pulls back with a grin, licking his lips, half his face covered in your arousal. “Princess, I could do this all fucking day. Tastes so good.”

“Sugu… you’re so… mnh!” He’s slid a long finger in you now, curling it up just so, and you see stars then. Suguru could play your little cunt like it was an instrument, his fingers finding that little spot and hitting it again and again.

“Cum again for me, please, Princess.” He cooes the words, and you just arch your hips up as he grabs the fat of your ass, using his fingers and tongue in sync, until you’re completely spent, cumming all over his hands as he sips you up.

“Oh my God, Sugu.” You mumble, left incoherent when he leans over you, kissing your lips softly. You moan into it, clinging to him.

“You have the best little pussy.” You flush then.

“You don’t have to say that, I know you enjoy…” Huh, does it hurt your feelings a bit? No it can’t.

“Sure I do enjoy, but I mean it. The best.” He kisses your lips softly. “You’re my favorite.”

You for some reason doubt it.

You hate that.

“What’s wrong Princess? He has you that down? Imma beat his ass when I see him.” You shake your head, sighing then. “He said he thinks you’re beautiful, you know, and that he was surprised you believed him.”

“That’s… no. Just no. I don’t believe that for shit.”

“He did say it. I know he’s being awful but I almost think it’s because he wants to fuck you.”

“What!?” Your brows raise at that, and Suguru sighs, brushing back your hair then.

“We have played with what, four women now? Haven’t you thought of playing with a guy?”

“Are you into guys? I don’t mind if you want to…”

“No, but I’m very comfortable, especially with Satoru. And you’re not very experienced, you know, it could be fun for you. I’m like the only guy you’ve been with damn near.”

“What you’re hinting at is insane. I know you shared women but they weren’t girlfriends or anything right?”

“No, they weren’t. But sometimes I wonder if you all need to fuck this frustration on each other.”

“Satoru would never wanna fuck me.”

“Baby…”

“What, did you not hear him?”

“Yeah I did, and I’m so sorry you had to go through that. But let’s not bullshit here, the man can’t get his goddamn eyes off you.”

“In hatred! Anyway no, just no. It would never happen.”

“So you don’t wanna fuck him, hmm?” Suguru grasps you by your wrists then, and you shake your head, crying out when he slides his fingers down your tummy, trembling under his hand. “What about if I have him eat this pretty pussy while you suck my cock?”

“Suguru, what!? Like he would. Silly- mnh… stop.” He’s rubbing your little entrance, and you start soaking his hand, embarrassingly.

“Don’t want us both to eat you out, at the same time?” You whine, pathetically, as Suguru grins then, so handsome and devious. “She sure does.”

“She’s stupid. I only want you.” Then you frown a bit, as you think of the situation you two are in. “S-Suguru… will you always want other women?”

He frowns too, shaking his head, kissing down your jaw. “If you ever wanted to be exclusive I would for you, Princess. Say the word.”

“Would it be like a sacrifice-”

“Not at all. I love the fun we have though. But I would not care if it didn’t happen. I think I need to give you some fun, make you feel so beautiful.” He's trailing his hands down your body ever so slowly, and your mind runs wild with visions.

“With Satoru, no, he… would never make me feel that way. Suguru, mnh… please just-”

“Why are you soaking my hand when you say his name?” He whispers those words, and you falter, as images of Satoru hit your eyes, and Suguru's fingers are getting soaked. You shake them away, but Suguru is observant. “He would only be so lucky to fuck you.”

“Do you think I’m really so pretty? When you have others that…”

“The prettiest. Prettiest tits, prettiest face, prettiest pussy.” You melt then, because no matter what fun you all have, it’s always together (exceptions would be when you all agree video is okay) and Suguru always makes you feel special. Maybe you worry too much.

“What if you find someone better?”

“Baby, what’s up with you?” He pulls back and you just sigh. “If this isn’t what you want just tell me...”

“I’m just down on myself.” You pout, and you watch Suguru's concern.

“I know, baby, I am so sorry.” He kisses you sweetly, and you melt, like you always do. “I’ll make sure he’s not a dick anymore. I swear. Trust me.”

“I don’t wanna go, though.”

“Then he wins, fuck that, go and look super hot, and ruin his little pea size brain okay?” You laugh just a bit, but things weigh on you.

Your relationship with Geto is so easy…

Aside from his dick of a friend.

Who hates you.

And who you're vividly picturing. Fuck.

Present

You keep your hands to yourself, your knees knocking together as you watch the game, the men running back and forth, dribbling the ball, throwing it, their sneakers squeaking on polished floors. Your eyes keep drifting over to him, though, and you notice Satoru’s eyes keep straying to your body, making you overheat.

The way his gaze lingers on your legs makes you squirm in your seat, and you can’t help but feel a thrill run through you, despite the tension. His icy glare is gone now, replaced with something softer, something that makes your stomach flip, his lips weren’t in a thin line, they were pouting just a bit. Suguru has a hand on your thigh, and he squeezes it, smiling.

You smile back at him. Why were you in the middle? Was this Suguru’s idea of making you all closer? But why does Satoru’s thigh brushing against yours do insane things to your psyche? Why does the scent of his cologne make you ache to snuggle him when he’s a damn asshole, when he would never want that.

You adore Suguru, when you met him at first it intimidated you, this wild lifestyle he led, but then he made you feel so good, and so included, that you ended up enjoying much of it. And several times now he’d brought up sharing you, only recently today sharing you with him . If Satoru didn’t hate you and call you unattractive, absolutely you would have.

But as it stood, you could tell he hates sitting next to you.

“I’m grabbing drinks, want one Princess?” Suguru asks, touching your hand to shake you out of your reverie. You have to strain to hear him in the loud throngs of the crowd cheering.

“I’ll go-”

“It’s fine, I got it. Satoru, you want a drink?” Satoru peers over at you, and you don’t see the usual anger, it’s a different look. You can’t put your finger on it, but it’s different for sure.

“Yeah, can you just grab me a beer?” Suguru nods, looking back at you again, and you fidget, afraid to be alone with Satoru, even in a crowd.

“Same, please and thanks.” He smiles, leaning down and kissing you then, and he walks away, leaving the two of you awkwardly alone.

The team hits a big play, and you jump up with your little pom poms, wiggling them in the air, as Satoru jumps and shouts loudly. You all bump into each other a bit, and it makes you both tense, pulling away a bit. You scooch further from him when you all sit down again, but he spreads his stupidly long legs even wider, his hand resting next to you.

“I’m sorry I came along.” You say softly, and he looks back at you, sighing a bit, and his eyes make you lose your senses for a moment.

“Don’t be. Suguru wouldn’t come without you.” He brushes that off, so casually, and though that was the truth it was a little harsh to know.

“He would have, I would have made him.”

“Yeah well. It’s not like I’m paying attention to you, I’m watching the game anyway, so it doesn't matter.”

“Yeah, true. Though I wish Suguru would sit here.”

“Don’t like to sit next to me huh?” You roll your eyes, irritated by his haughty tone, and laugh just a bit, without humor.

“As if you like this.” He just studies you, and you almost wish he’d just be mean, because that’s easier to handle than whatever this intense fucking look is.

“Have I complained?”

“Because Suguru asked you to not be so mean.”

“Yeah well.”

No apology, of course. When would someone like Satoru Gojo apologize to you, of all people? You peer over at him in that white dress shirt and those slacks that hug him like a glove, his shades shoved up on his head worth more than your life. The glinting gold watch, where his sleeves rolled up, revealing toned arms with veins wrapped around them.

You turn your attention back to the game, which was going into a bit of a break, leaving you even more awkward next to the man who hates you.

“Can I ask something?”

“Go ahead.”

“Why do you hate me so much? Like… did I offend you or something? Could you please just tell me what to do here?” You’re whispering it, since the words make you emotional, and Satoru’s lips turn down, brushing his silvery hair back with a hand, messing it up just a bit.

“You don’t need to know.” He says, and you glare then.

“I think I have a right to know. I can fix it? Maybe?”

“Can’t fix this.”

“Let me try maybe? I want to meet this amazing, funny, sweet guy Suguru swears you are, the one he loves so much.” You reach your hand out to his thigh, and he glares at it, then at you, his hand yanking yours off then, by your delicate wrist. You blink in confusion.

“You can’t fix why I hate you. Got it? And that doesn’t help. Makes it so much fucking worse.” He mumbles, not letting go of your wrist, his huge hand gripping it, taking it over.

“Sorry.”

“Why, you didn’t do anything. I hate you for nothing that you can control, does that make it better, knowing that?”

You sigh, shaking your head. “You make no sense. If you just tried to know me, you’d see I’m not the worst person ever. Regardless of how you think of my looks, you won’t even give me a chance internally.”

He lets your wrist go, sighing and looking into your eyes, but there’s not the usual anger even now. “I shouldn’t have said that yesterday.”

“Thank you for that. Even if you feel that way it’s just not nice to tell people that they’re… unattractive. Promise I say it in my own mind enough.”

“Then you’re stupid.”

“So I’m unattractive, and stupid, and you hate me.” You look down, those words wrecking you again, and you try not to show any emotion.

“You really think you’re not beautiful?” Your eyes meet, and he looks angry, again at you. You sigh, as your inner turmoil rages looking at him.

“I don’t think I’m beautiful at all. Lately I have been feeling pretty, thanks to Suguru, but that’s kind of new. It doesn’t matter anyway. If you think I’m ugly you don’t have to say it, or judge me for it. It doesn’t matter as much as who I am.”

“So you think what I said is true?”

“I’m sure you and Suguru both get much prettier girls. It’s fine. You’re both very attractive men.” Satoru stares at you more, and it makes you feel so confused, so weird, he won’t stop looking right at you. “What!?”

“You’re not unattractive. At all. I can’t believe I have to say this.”

“You don’t have to. Suguru put you up to-”

“You’re so beautiful all I can think of is how I wanna bury my cock in your pretty mouth.” His words are dangerous whispers, his hands gripping your thighs tight suddenly, and you can’t even think, your body reacting instantly, embarrassingly. “Can’t stop thinking about how badly I wanna fuck you over my desk. How I’d lick that little cunt right now with this stupid skirt driving me nuts.”

“Satoru… what…” You hate what his words do, what this asshole friend of your boyfriend says, his effect. Your nipples are taut against your bra, your tummy feeling that pressure, thighs shifting, and his gaze drops to them like a hawk.

“That’s why I hate you. Because all I think of is fucking my best friend’s girl. And yeah, he even brought it up, what you all do. Wanna know what I think?” He’s brushing your hair back behind your ear, and you’re losing all sense of self, everything fades to the background.

“What do you think?” He laughs, darkly then, his white teeth glinting from the bright fluorescents above.

“That if I had you I’d never want anyone else. That if I had to share you I’d be greedy. I’d lick you first, fuck you first, fuck you so good you can’t even think, can’t even walk. Wreck that little cunt.” His husky words shoot straight through you, the way he looks at you, this hunger in his gaze, it’s insane.

“Are you just fucking with me, Gojo? Is this a joke?” You demand through gritted teeth, and then he laughs again, but it doesn’t hit his eyes, the pupils so dilated the blue was truly hard to handle.

“I wish it was. I hate you because you’re you . You can’t fucking fix it, you can’t buy me expensive tickets, smile at me all pretty, it all makes it worse. Makes me want you more. And so I just hate you completely.”

You take a moment, struggling to process anything he was even saying, as your gaze drifts down his long, lithe body. Although you’d seen Suguru with women, and you’d been with women, you had never felt something like this, intense need clawing away at you. Even with Suguru, who you have such a good time with, you never felt whatever this is.

Was it hate?

What was it?

“I know, you’re so in love you won’t even fuck another guy when Suguru asks too. Loyal when he’s not.”

“We do everything together, or… like I know what he does. He doesn’t hide shit from me, Gojo. He treats me so good.”

“I am sure he does. He’s the best person I know. I just can’t see a world where I have you and want someone.”

His words hit too hard. It's so shocking from his usually cruel lips. “That’s crazy talk, you know, especially…”

“I didn’t mean what I said. Okay? Fucking stupid to think I did.”

“Aw you two are making up, huh?” Suguru sits next to you, handing you both a drink then, and you and Satoru tense up, as your mind whirls. “So, you all gonna fuck this frustration out or what?”

Your eyes go wide with shock, mouth dropping, and you shake your head quickly while you look at him. “Suguru, you can’t be serious about this.”

“Why not. Shoko is coming over tomorrow anyway, why don't we three party tonight.” He winks over at Satoru then.

“You’re gonna fuck Shoko, yuck.”

“Yep and you’re gonna fuck Princess here.” He pats your head, smiling, his eyes closing so adorably like he isn’t talking insane. “What, why can’t you have fun?”

“She doesn’t wanna fuck me.” Satoru says casually, and you gulp then, as he straight up says something so…

False.

“Are you sure about that?” Suguru murmurs, brushing your hair back until it is no longer on your chest, pulling your top back just a bit, and you feel yourself heating up when he’s got your hard nipples basically pressed against the top now. Satoru’s sultry blue gaze hits your breasts, lingering there. “Looks pretty excited to me.”

“Suguru!” You hiss, scowling back at his devious grin, but Satoru is licking his lower lip, making it all glossy, and one of his hands keeps clenching and unclenching into a fist.

“Nothing could make me happier than you two getting along, at least give it a chance. What if you like it, hmm?” He’s nuzzling your neck, and you shift in your seat, biting the inside of your cheek for a moment.

“So you think I’ll fuck her and stop hating her?” Satoru drawls out the words slowly, and Suguru is just rubbing up and down your waist, heightening every insane sensation.

“It’s so good I know you will.”

“Suguru… I doubt that.” You mumble, shyly fidgeting with your thumbs, rolling them around over and over.

“What if I still hate her? Do I get to keep fucking her?” Satoru’s question throws you for a loop, the intent behind his stupidly pretty gaze washing over you, and you feel Suguru’s chuckle behind you.

“No, you have to be nice to her if you want to again.” You scowl at him, then over at Gojo.

“Do I not get a say? I’m not a fuck toy.” You hiss, and Gojo actually smiles then, and it surprises you, how pretty it is. Suguru kisses your neck, laughing against it, while you nervously sip your drink.

“Being out fuck toy does sound fun.” Suguru says softly. “It would be fun for you, too, don’t you think?”

“You really want me to wreck her? She won’t even want you again.” Satoru says, grinning, and Suguru just laughs, grinning back.

“Yeah, you can try but we all know it’s not happening.”

“Have I agreed?”

“Bet she’s soaked.” Suguru is lifting your skirt, in the middle of a game, even though you all were off in a section this was insane, and Satoru’s eyes dart down between your thighs, and you can’t hold in the little whine. “Feel her and find out for me, would you?”

“She doesn’t want me to.” Satoru’s voice is husky, then you feel your thin control snap, as you say fuck it all and take his hand. You meet his shocked gaze, then you look around, and put his hand on your thigh.

“Stop acting like you know me, Gojo.” You raise your brows then, and his smirk eats at you, his thumb sliding against your soft inner thigh making goosebumps prick along your skin.

“Y’know this is the most you have gotten along.”

“Am I up to caliber, though?” You whisper those words, and Gojo’s hand slides even further up, all while his other hand brushes against your hip, nearly touching Suguru’s hand.

“We’ll have to see huh?”

“Cocky little shit.”

“Oooh, so she does have some backbone huh?” Satoru’s grinning at you, with those sharp fangs glinting, lashes lowering over his eyes. And you feel Suguru’s grip tighten on your waist.

“Fuck you, Gojo.” Suguru snorts behind you.

“Okay… sex?” You both scowl over to Suguru again.

Sex, with Satoru Gojo?

“Why don’t you just fuck him, hmm?”

“Who’s to say he hasn’t?” Satoru blows Suguru a kiss and you sigh.

“Am I really gonna do this! With Satoru Gojo?”

“You should be so lucky, damn brat-”

“Satoru….” Suguru starts again, exhaustion clear in his voice.

“Listen, I didn’t turn it down.” He slides his hand fully up, and when his thumb presses where you’re hot and sticky against your panties, his breath hitches, as does yours, both of you just stare at each other, unable to speak. For a long moment, until his thumb rubs in a gentle circle and you damn near whimper.

Fuck.

Yep you were going to do this.

***

In the car on the way home you are sitting next to Satoru and Suguru as their driver Kiyotaka takes you all back to Suguru’s place. Satoru is oddly quiet, you notice, poking around on his phone. You know he still hates you, but his hand is casually on your thigh now, rubbing in little circles, and Suguru is smiling down at you, popping little kisses on your forehead.

“You sure like her thighs for hating her so much.” Suguru murmurs lazily, and Satoru smirks, not looking up from his phone.

“I didn’t say I hate her body. Quite the opposite.” You struggle against the feelings raging inside of you. You had never done anything like this, as wild as you and Suguru were with women, it seemed so different, especially with Satoru. His hands are so big, even bigger than Suguru’s, his fingers are so long they take up most of your thigh.

“You like my legs hmm?” You say softly, and Satoru does lift his gaze from his phone, amused expression clear on his features.

“They’re really short, but they’re nice.” You laugh a bit at that, and it’s the first time you think you’ve laughed around him. His grip tightens a bit at the sound.

“Is that almost a compliment?” He shrugs a shoulder, poking back at his phone then.

“Bet they’d be nice around my face.” Your tummy clenches again at the words, at the imagery, and Suguru seems to pick up on that, his hand coming to your other thigh now, bringing your attention to him.

“You like that idea, Princess?” His voice is teasing, and you gulp, trying not to give Satoru so much satisfaction. But you just give a little nod. “Look at you two, I’m so proud right now.”

“Okay dad.” Satoru leans back some, his thighs even wider, god could he just sit normal you wonder, not pressed so against you. Suguru is the same way, and you’re pressed in the middle of the two of them, your body viscerally reacts, to the point you’re overheated.

“Wonder who you’ll call daddy?” Suguru teases you, and you flush.

“It’ll be me.” Satoru says, cocky and self assured.

“Nah, totally me.”

“Neither of you.” You say, crossing your arms, and they both look at each other, then back at you, grinning.

“You challenging us right now? That won’t end well for you.” Satoru says softly, leaning close, your breath catches with how he looks at you, so intent, his lips tempting you too closely.

Before you can speak, you’ve pulled up to Suguru’s place, and you thankfully can get out of the car, breathe air, but you now have no clue what you’re in for. The way Satoru’s hungry, lewd gaze and Suguru’s easy seductive one glaze over your body, the heat you clearly feel from both of them, the tension between the man who hates you and the man that really likes you…

What are you in for?

And in what world does it end well?”

***

Satoru’s POV

Satoru watches as Suguru leads you, hand in hand to his sleek condo, and as he looks around he wonders, where does he fuck you, where does he lick you? Where does he fuck other women with you? And why the fuck does that thought make him so angry for you. He loves Suguru, and he himself was quite open sexually, this isn’t the first time he and Suguru would share.

But he can’t even imagine having to take turns.

He wants to bring you back to his place, to fuck you senseless, make you forget anything you ever knew. He’d felt your heat, felt that sticky wetness, your soft skin… it was something that he had avoided, touching you in any way. He knew it would make everything ten times worse, and so it did.

When you turn to look up at him, with your gorgeous eyes, your lips parted just slightly, hair a little messy from the day, falling softly around your face… it takes everything in him not to throw you against a wall and fuck into you. It takes every effort not to snatch you up and literally be a horrible friend, take you away, this is what you do to him.

It’s why he hates you.

What effect did you have? And how the fuck could he take turns on you? But he can’t turn it down, no, he needs to feel you, and if this is how it happens, he’ll do it. Satoru Gojo is desperate for you, and that’s something he’s never been in his life, shit came easy for him. Why were you so difficult?

“Drinks? Let’s get drinks.” Suguru pats Satoru on the shoulder, then pats you on the ass, pressing you two together a bit. You look down shyly, long lashes casting shadows on your pretty features.

God you’re perfect, aren’t you?

“Still hate you.” Satoru mumbles, and you just look at him, brows furrowing a little bit, licking your lips and tempting him to no end. How would they feel on his cock, that little tongue sliding against his tip?

“I know you hate me. So why are you doing this?” You whisper, as you two awkwardly stand in Suguru’s living room alone, far too close. Satoru towers over you, you’re so small compared to him. He sees you’re nervous too.

“You’re stupid.” You scowl up at him, and fuck if you’re not stupidly hot when you do so. “I already told you why.”

“But it’s… not… you won’t… what if you don’t like it?” You mumble, and he watches insecurities eat you alive, how had he not noticed before? He just assumed because you’re so pretty you knew.

“What, you need practice sucking dick? Heard you like to eat pussy.” You scoff, rolling your eyes at him. “Or are you a pillow Princess?”

“I like to please.” Your eyes hit his body then, desire reflected in them, and he itches to touch you, he itches to be sweet to you, but he can’t. Nope.

“We’ll see if it’s passable. If not, I'll give some tips.” You laugh, a little bark of laughter, shaking your head.

“Suguru likes it just fine.”

“I sure do. She’s great at blow jobs.” Suguru hands you both a drink, and Satoru can’t stop his gaze locked on those supple, full lips of yours. “Guess what, believe it or not Satoru’s good at eating pussy. From what I’ve seen. But, I’m better.”

“No way, you know I’d win.” Suguru looks at you, and you’re all flushed in the cheeks as you delicately sip your drink. Why is every movement you make just torturing him?

“He’s really, really good though. Licked an accidental I love you out of me.” You tease, and Suguru laughs at that, but you look a little sad he notices.

“Ya didn’t say it back, Sugu?” Suguru grows serious for a moment at Satoru’s obvious question.

“It’s just still early, and she kind of… took it back.”

“I was embarrassed for sure.”

Imagine those words from your lips. Satoru’s grip is so tight on the glass he feels it will just break, shutting his eyes for a moment and sucking in a breath. Was he really going down this path, knowing what would happen when you would touch him, when he would taste you? Knowing he’d get more obsessed, fuck it was just so much easier to hate you.

But how could he turn it down?

It would be such a shitshow but so worth it.

“We’ll have to see who’s better, huh?” Suguru teases, smirking over at Satoru, and he just eyes your perfect little form slowly, humming to himself.

“First, less clothes.” Satoru says softly, and watches your nervous habits, how you bite your lower lip so hard you leave teeth marks, how your hands tremble as you set your drink down. “You're scared, huh?”

“Nope. Sure not.” He smirks at you, but that freezes when you slip your shaky little fingers to your top, popping open one button, then the other, and he has to grip the fuck out of the counter next to him. Your soft, supple skin is revealed with each one, until your breasts spill out, just left in a lacy blue bra.

Fuck he could cum just seeing you.

“Not bad.” He is so full of shit, and Suguru is rolling his eyes, you blink a little, looking down. Fuck he hates himself. But if he’s sweet to you… “Let’s see the rest then I’ll judge.”

“She’s beautiful.” Suguru comes and you lift your long hair out of the way, and he easily unsnaps your bra, then slides it down your shoulders, kissing them, the way Satoru wants to, but he wouldn’t be gentle like Suguru, not if you were his. He would suck and bite every inch of your skin. “There we go, Princess.”

He lets your bra fall to the floor, and you’re bare from the waist up, and he sees them then, your lush breasts, perfect and pretty. Your little nipples are puffy and pronounced, begging for his mouth on them, for his fingers to pinch them. And you just stand there, your shoulders set high, as Satoru eats you up, and fuck if you’re not the most perfect thing he’s seen.

Suguru looks at Satoru, his dark eyes seductive in their glint, as if he could tell how badly Satoru wants you. Your perfect breasts are heaving with your panting little breaths, while Suguru is running his hands down your slender little arms. You look at Satoru, then Suguru, then down, as if you’re a little shy finally.

“Um… up to caliber?” You ask, and he hears it, the bitterness in your sultry little voice. And you should be bitter, mad, fuck you shouldn’t let him see this, should you? But here you are, and you look so fucking gorgeous he can’t take it.

He steps up to you then, taking two fingers and tilting your chin up, looking into those eyes he’d made cry yesterday. “Gorgeous.”

You gasp, and Suguru grins then, pecking a little kiss on your neck, as Satoru’s hands trail down your face, your throat, that delicate collarbone, and he watches your breaths increase. He can hear that little whine you try to hide from the back of your throat, he can feel your energy, your heat near him.

“Told you, baby. You’re beautiful.” Suguru is right, of course he is, and Satoru is damn near speechless at a pair of tits, it’s pathetic. You make him pathetic, don’t you, it’s why…

He should hate you.

No he does hate you.

But…

“Thank you… both.” You whisper, and Satoru doesn’t deserve your thanks, for one stupid word, when you were so much more.

You should hate him.

Why don’t you?

“Why don’t you feel them, Satoru? How nice they are.” Suguru is running his hand around your waist, pressing your breasts up then, and you’re crying out softly, that pleasure on your face making you so sexy. Satoru’s hands slide down, and he feels them, the weight in his hands, and he can’t hold back his own moan then.

Your eyes fly to his, as he cups your breasts in his big hands, and he sees it then, clear as fucking day. You want him. As his thumbs brush your nipples, and your head leans back, for Suguru’s mouth to kiss up the side of it, one of your little hands clutch his shirt, pulling him closer, the other, on one of Suguru’s arms.

“Perfect.” Satoru says softly, and you gasp, but then Satoru leans so close to your lips, you start to shake in Suguru’s hold.

“Perfect.” Suguru agrees, and Satoru watches you melt then, as his lips descend, and he can taste your sweet breath on his lips, it intoxicates him to no end. “You gonna kiss him, Princess?”

You lean up, as he leans down, and your hand slides up to Satoru’s face then, so tiny, a thumb swiping over his lower lip, and then Satoru’s eyelids are low over his eyes, as he presses his lips to yours. You moan at it, so quiet he almost couldn’t hear, vibrating his lips, and then Satoru knows it, knows it when he melts into your kiss, knows it when his tongue swipes into your hot mouth.

It’s all over for him.

And he hates you for it.

***

Your POV

Satoru’s lips send electrical sparks through yours, it’s absolutely insane, as his big hands knead your breasts, and Suguru is hard against your lower back, his big hands on your hips, pressing. But when Satoru’s tongue slides in your mouth, and you drink in his moans? When you taste his breath, when you feel that slick start to dribble from your little cunt?

Fuck. This is bad, it’s bad. It’s bad.

“Hate you.” He whispers then, right on your lips, right when his eyes drink you in lazily, when he squishes your breasts in his hands. It was so quiet you don’t even think he spoke, more moved his lips and you understood.

Satoru Gojo hates you.

Right?

Chapter 2

Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/58179796/chapters/148138651

[kaleldobrev]

Aren’t You Forgetting Something?

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x F. Reader

Feat. Character(s): Reader, Soldier Boy/Ben, Hughie Campbell, MM & Nan (Reader’s Grandmother)

Original Prompt: Requested by anon | I gotta tell you that not only I love your writing but I love your series writing, specifically. When something new drops I’m always happy to read it before going to bed because I somehow feel connected to the characters, like I know them! I love to keep up with them and I love Ben’s and Y/N relationship so much. I’m in the mood for some angst between them tho, maybe Ben forgetting her birthday and receiving a silence treatment? I don’t know, but I trust you.

Summary: Ben forgets one of the most important days in yours and his relationship — your one year anniversary

Word Count: 4.6k

Warnings: Cursing (40x), Forgetful!Ben, Ben making fun of Hughie for the umpteenth time, Implied violence, Lots of angst, Fluff, Vulnerable!Ben & Implied Smut at the end

Authors Note: Takes place in the Hughie’s Best Friend is Dating Soldier Boy Universe | I changed it from birthday to anniversary, so I hope that's okay my anon friend! | Takes place after After Everything | I had a lot of fun looking up 1950s fashion for this | There will not be a second part to this but I will still be adding to this universe | This came out a lot longer than I expected it to, but I had a lot of fun with this | If you liked this, don’t forget to like & reblog. I really appreciate it! Feedback is always welcome ♡

⋆ Hughe's Best Friend is Dating Soldier Boy Masterlist ⋆

You never thought that this day would ever come, but it was finally here: yours and Ben's one year anniversary. It was a milestone that you never thought would come, as the relationship between the two of you wasn't always easy. It was rocky, and sometimes very, very messy. But despite all of the messiness, you loved him unconditionally, and he loved you just the same, but showed it in his own unique ways.

Ben wasn't the kind of person to verbally say, "I love you," as his love language tended to be that of a physical nature. He would do chores around the house that you hated to do — despite him having it too. He would bring things back from missions that reminded him of you — often those objects being covered in someone else's blood; and he would kiss and smack your ass every time you were in his path, no matter what either one of you was doing.

Although you love those physical actions, you hoped that maybe one day you would be able to hear him utter those three little words you had been yearning to hear — and maybe, just maybe, today was that day.

Since Ben was away on a secret mission that you weren’t apart of since you were sick at the beginning, you took this whole week that he was away in order to plan what you were going to do for him the day of. Initially, the two of you agreed that you really weren't going to do anything special to celebrate, but the more you thought about it, the more you realized how important this milestone truly was; not only for your relationship, but for the two of you individually.

Although it was only a year, your relationship with Ben was the longest you've ever been in. Not that you've had many previous relationships, but every single one you had previously never really lasted long (you were lucky if it lasted two months), as they either did not understand the whole vigilante justice objective of The Boys, Butcher somehow scared them off, or they were (funnily) threatened by Hughie.

But Ben was different in this way compared to your other relationships. He understood the vigilante justice, he understood your hatred for Vought, and he wasn't threatened by Hughie in the slightest (Hughie was actually threatened by him). Despite all of his flaws, he was perfect in his own way.

When it came to the Ben side of things, you were not his longest relationship by a long shot, but you were the first and only person to have genuine feelings for him. Those genuine feelings being something that no one had seen coming — not even you. But he was someone that gradually turned into becoming the person you had wanted to spend the rest of your life with, despite how strange that sounded to most people.

Your plan for the big day was simple, but felt like it would be special enough to really honor and celebrate the relationship. You had planned to make his favorite dinner: steak and mashed potatoes. For dessert, favorite pie: pecan. And dress in the style of a 1950s housewife, as that was a style he had never once seen you in before.

Even though you have made his favorite dinner and dessert hundreds of times before, dressing up as a housewife was something that was definitely beyond your comfort zone and expertise, so you went to the one person that knew could help you best: your Nan.

Despite the style of the housewife fashion basically being obsolete, it was a look that she adored, and dawned on even years after the style had become out of fashion. Her hair was always neat and never out of place, her lipstick always the deepest shade of red, and her dresses always the brightest of hues. You remembered seeing pictures of her back when she was your age and she was a knockout (Ben agreeing), so when you told her that you wanted to dress in the housewife style, she beamed and quickly went to her closest to pull out the nicest shade of red that perfectly matched your skin tone.

“Just don’t do anything sexual in this dress. I’ll never be able to get the stains out,” she told you with a wink. Her comment causing you to roll your eyes.

“You’re just as bad as Ben,” you told her.

Ben was eager to get back home to you, as this mission was taking a lot longer than he had anticipated. It was supposed to be a quick and easy assassination (something he had done alone hundreds of times before), but one thing after another kept going wrong, and he couldn’t help but blame “his team.” He felt himself getting more and more agitated by the second, and there was nothing he could do about it, especially because you weren’t here to help him take the edge off.

Even though rough sex with you right now would be the highlight of the mission, he wished that you were here to at least talk to him, because you were one of the only people he knew that he could have an actual conversation with that wouldn't end up with him being annoyed.

He paced back and forth, with shield in hand; the only sounds between him and the rest of the group were the occasional snicker and his heavy boots. “You’re making me nervous walking around like that,” MM said, behind his binoculars.

Ben rolled his eyes, stopping a few feet away from him. “Then what would you suggest I’d be doing right now? We’re just sitting around doing nothing.”

“Is there somewhere else you need to be? Cause we’re here to do a job,” MM replied, removing the binoculars from his eyes and turning in Ben’s direction. “And we’re going to be here as long as it takes to do this job.”

“I’d rather be in Y/N’s pussy or ass right now, but because you guys are all somehow getting worse at your jobs, I can’t fucking do that right now,” Ben said, grinning an annoyed grin.

His comment caused mixed reactions from the group; but mainly disgusted looks from MM and Hughie. Butcher and Frenchie on the other hand, looked indifferent about his comment. “I really wish you’d stop mentioning how much you like fucking my best friend. It’s getting…weird,” Hughie commented.

“Fucking pussy,” Ben mumbled to himself.

With the pie cooling on the counter, and with dinner almost ready, you felt your heart beating faster than normal. Was it normal to get this nervous about anniversaries? To you, it felt like another day with Ben, but that’s not the way your heart and stomach was making you feel.

As you looked at yourself in the mirror, you almost didn’t recognize yourself as you dawned red lipstick, and a matching shirtwaist dress you had borrowed from your Nan. But you couldn’t help but wonder what his reaction was going to be as this was something he’d never seen you in before. Yes, he’d seen you dress up a handful of times, but it was in a modern style of dress — sweetheart and plunging necklines with a slit riding up the thigh; not this style which was something he hadn’t seen in decades.

You smiled though, thrilled with your appearance despite the nerves you were feeling. Your hair perfectly styled similar to that of Rosie the Riveter and deep red lipstick that was in a similar shade to your dress. The last thing to complete the look were pearls — your mothers specifically.

Finally covered in a thin layer of blood, sweat, and ash, the mission was finally over, and a huge sigh of relief washed over Ben. In just a few short hours, he would finally be home to his girl. “Fucking finally,” he said, mainly to himself, as he placed his gun back into his holster.

He looked over to his left, and Hughie was standing there with ripped clothes, he too covered in a thin layer of sweat, blood, and ash, holding a gun with his usual slightly constipated look on his face.

As Ben was about to walk away, as he didn’t really want to wait up for Hughie, he sighed, knowing that you’d want him to ask how he was doing in this moment, although he couldn’t give two fucks. “Hey,” he said, and Hughie looked over at him. “You good?” He asked.

The look on Hughie’s face changed; it was no longer the look of constipation, but slight annoyance. “Am I good?” He asked, his hands falling to his sides; the gun slightly hitting him in the leg. “What part of — yeah. I’m fine. Just, just peachy.” His tone radiating sarcasm.

“Awesome,” Ben grinned, giving him a thumbs up as he started walking away; being careful not to trip over any debris. “You comin’ or what?” He called out, as soon as he left the room. “I ain’t gonna be late because of you.”

Hughie’s face changed again to that of a puzzled one. “Late for what?” He asked, but quickly shook his head. “Actually, don’t fucking answer that because you’ll probably say something disgusting.” A loud, booming laugh from Ben could be heard down the hall in response.

As you sat on the couch watching tv, your nerves were starting to get the best of you again, and you were beginning to second guess your decision in wearing this outfit. You thought that it would be a special surprise for him to see you dressed like this, since it was something you usually didn't wear, but at the same time, maybe he wouldn't even notice or care. You weren't entirely sure if it was because he was a guy, or because he's been around such a long time, that he'd seen and done everything, and there was nothing that remotely fazed him at this point in his life.

Staring at the door, you got startled suddenly from the sound of your phone ringing. There was a small part of you that hoped it was Ben, but it was your Nan. Taking a deep breath to collect yourself, you answered the phone. "Hi Nan, how are you?"

"Hi Sweetheart. Has Ben seen you yet? How'd he like the pie?" She asked, her voice sweet.

"Ben's not home yet, but he should be home soon," you told her.

"Okay dear. Well, can you tell him hi and give him a big kiss for me? I always thought he was so handsome back in the day. He still very much is. Aged like a fine wine," she chuckled to herself. "But don't tell your grandfather," she chuckled again.

"Yes, I'll tell him hi and kiss him for you," you said, quietly laughing to yourself. "You know he's always happy to hear from you," which was the truth. He was always happy to humor her and reminisce about the good old days, even if he had heard some of her stories numerous times before.

As you heard the door unlock, you smiled widely. "Nan, I have to go. Ben just walked in," you said.

"Okay Sweetheart. Happy Anniversary!" She said happily. "Don't do anything I wouldn't," she chuckled again, before the two of you hung up the phone. There's not a lot of things Ben wouldn’t do, you thought.

"Fuck it's good to be home," Ben said, walking into the house and placing his shield next to the door. "I swear, your friends are getting worse at their jobs somehow, cause I probably would have been home fucking sooner if — Fuck, look at you." He finally looked up now, and you were standing there in an outfit that he had never once seen on you. It was something that he hadn't seen in decades in fact; and the biggest grin appeared on his face.

You didn’t move a muscle toward him, but he heard your heart beating like a jackrabbit. The sounds of his heavy boots walked across the floor toward you. “Do you like?” You asked, and you gave him a small spin; the dress slightly flowing as you did so. “Thought I’d do something special. Different.” You smiled, practically beaming with excitement. He wondered what the occasion was.

“Haven’t seen one of these in fucking decades,” he said, slightly reminiscing with a grin. He looked you over, eyeing you up and down, one of his fingers hooking into the belt loop of the dress. “What’s the occasion?” Your once beaming smile slowly faded into a frown. “What?”

“You seriously don’t know?” You asked, your voice slightly irritated sounding. He hadn’t had the foggiest idea what made today so special, other than you dressing differently than you normally did.

He looked at your face, trying to obtain some kind of hint, but he had no clue. But your heart was racing faster now. You were pissed — and he didn’t fucking understand why. “No, I really fucking don’t,” he said. “Why don’t you tell me? I’m not a fucking mind reader Princess.”

You let out a huge huff, rolling your eyes at him. As much as he thought you were cute when you were pissed, he didn't like it when you pissed at him. "Un-fucking-believable," you said, pulling away from him.

"What?" He asked, still in utter disbelief.

"Your favorite fucking dinner is on the fucking table along with your favorite fucking pie. I'm going to bed," you said, your voice angry as you stormed off into the bedroom, slamming the door. Two seconds later, the door opened again. "You're sleeping on the couch tonight," you told him, and slammed the door again, promptly locking it behind you.

You knew the lock wouldn't be able to keep Ben out, as he'd be able to bust open the door with barely any effort; but you knew he wouldn't remotely try to come into the room, as he knew not to come in when you locked it — thankfully, he was starting to understand boundaries.

You couldn’t help but be angry, upset, and frustrated. But at the same time, you weren’t remotely surprised that he didn’t remember. It was something that neither one of you initially wanted to make a big deal about, but between this being your longest relationship, and the last person he celebrated an anniversary with gave him up to the Russians, you figured why not make this day special after all?

It took everything you could to hold back the tears as you started to remove your makeup; feeling like it was an utter waste of time. It didn't take you that long to do this, but you went through some effort looking up tutorials online to try and be as 1950s authentic as possible, even asking your Nan for tips on how she used to do her own.

The mascara started running down your face, as you tried your best to scrub it off. But it was barely getting removed, which only frustrated you more. You pounded the dresser, and let out a muffled sounding scream.

A small knock came at the door a few seconds later. "Sweetheart, you okay?" Ben asked, and you scoffed.

"Fuck you," was the only response you could muster up in the moment.

"Ouch," you heard him mumble. "Can we...talk?" His voice hesitant.

"No. Just leave me alone Ben," you said, and you could hear sadness in your voice.

You heard him let out a frustrated sigh. "Alright," and the sound of his heavy boots walked away from the door. He sounded frustrated too.

As Ben ate his dinner that you had made for him (his favorite no less), he tried to figure out why you were so unbelievably pissed at him to the point that you refused to talk to him. Yes, he’d seen you pissed numerous times (either at him or about something else), but you’d never been so pissed to the point that you’d completely shut him out — and that terrified him.

Like usual, he started going down the list of things that he knew pissed you off: not taking his boots off in the house, tracking mud into the kitchen, getting blood on the furniture, doing coke on the kitchen table, crushing Bennie’s on the marble bathroom counter. Maybe it was the boot thing? Yeah, it had to be, he thought.

As you lied in bed staring up at the ceiling, you sighed heavily, wanting more than anything to unlock the door and invite Ben to come in and cuddle with you. It had been almost a week since you’d last saw him, and you just wanted to feel his skin against yours. But you didn’t want to give in — you earned the right to be pissed, even if it wasn’t particularly fair to be, since you agreed not to make it a big deal. Then again, he did forget your anniversary.

You heard a knock at the door again, and you sighed an annoyed sigh. “Go away,” you said.

“I think I know why you’re pissed at me,” Ben said. Your eyes lit up, and you sat up straight in bed, eager for him to say Happy Anniversary. A smile formed on lips, waiting. “I forgot to take my boots off when I came into the house,” and then your smile faded.

“Fucking Christ,” you mumbled, falling into the bed again to stare up at the ceiling.

“Is that a no?” Ben questioned.

“That’s a no,” you responded, annoyed.

“Son of a Fuck,” you heard him mumble, as he walked away from the door again.

As Ben sat on the couch flipping through channels, he continued to think about what you could possibly be this pissed about if it wasn’t the boot thing. Women are so fucking complicated, he thought. Weren’t this fucking complicated back in my day.

He stared at the couch, sighing in annoyance as he didn’t want to be sleeping here tonight. He wanted to sleep in bed with you; something he had been looking forward to the entire week he had been away from you. He looked forward to holding you close, and making you feel safe, tracing patterns on your bare back like you did to him. He honestly didn’t know what he was going to do if he didn’t figure out why you were mad; because he loathed when you were mad at him. It was a time that made him feel the most unease and insecure, and he was rarely insecure and uneasy.

Ben hadn’t known you for long, but you had managed to somehow worm your way quickly into his heart. You were someone he felt a strange connection to the moment he laid his eyes on you; and you were the one person that made him feel safe and loved. You were the only one that he felt he could be his true self around.

He thought of ways in which maybe you could forgive him, and started working on those; one of them being washing the dishes from his dinner even though he preferred you to do it. But he hoped that maybe this small gesture would help in his favor. Maybe I can go down on you? He thought. You always forgive me after that. Then again, I don’t let you come until you do…

As he made his way back into the kitchen, he stopped dead in his tracks, as he noticed something on the calendar that for some reason, he hadn’t noticed previously. Today’s date was circled with a single sentence written in your handwriting: 1 Year Anniversary.

“Fuck,” he said to himself. “I forgot our fucking anniversary.”

Ben stared at the circled date on the calendar, mentally cursing himself because he had forgotten it by accident. It was a day that he meant to remember, and even repeated over and over again while they were heading to the mission. But because it had taken so long to complete, it left his mind, because it had become entirely mission focused.

You’re never going to fucking forgive me, he thought. This was how he was going to lose you. Panic started to set in for him, realizing that he might have to live the rest of his miserable existence without you; and that was something he couldn’t bear the thought of. Ben didn’t need a lot of things, but he knew that he needed you.

Tossing and turning, you were having a hard time trying to fall asleep. You wanted Ben to be lying next to you right now, caressing your hair, and feeling his rapid heartbeat. It was simple moments like those that you enjoyed most with him; because sometimes you would forget all the awful and horrible things both of you had done in order to meet and to get to this point. If Grace hadn’t recruited you, you would have never met the love of your life.

The love of your life: now that was a sentence you never thought you’d ever equate to Soldier Boy. He was someone you grew up having a crush on since you and your father had watched his movies on repeat to the point you had to buy another VHS tape because you’d worn it out. He was someone you wished you could have met because he was always your favorite (partially because he was also your dad’s favorite).

But he was a Supe, and you had told yourself that you’d never end up with one after what had happened to your uncle, but here you were, dreaming of spending the rest of your life with one.

You sighed heavily, and ended up on your back again. A knock came at the door again, and you turned to face it. “I forgot our anniversary, and I’m sorry,” Ben said, and you cocked a brow. His words seemed genuine, and hurt at the same time. “I tried to remember; I really did but…the mission took full focus.” You heard him sigh, and you knew how hard this was for him, as apologizing was something he wasn’t particularly good at, since Vought basically taught him to never apologize for anything. “I don’t want to lose you over this. I….fuck,” he mumbled. “Can you please open the door so I can look at you?”

He heard you getting up out of the bed, slightly sighing. He could hear your heartbeat, and it was music to his ears despite the rapidness of it. He heard you unlocking it, his nerves starting to show as he tapped the wall next to the door.

You opened it up gently and stared at him through the crack of it. Your eyes slightly puffy from crying. He felt his heart drop, hating that he was the one that had made you cry — he never wanted to be the one responsible for that. “Sweetheart,” he began. “I know I fucked up.”

“Did you actually remember, or did you look at the calendar?” You asked him, your voice barely audible even to him.

“I looked at the calendar,” he admitted. “But to be fair, I really did try and fucking remember. You can ask your friend. I was saying the date on repeat, and then the mission got in the way 'cause they weren’t doing their fucking jobs properly.”

“Hughie can back that up?” You asked, and he nodded. He hoped that you wouldn’t ask him, because he wasn’t sure if he would actually corroborate his story or just fuck him over.

“He fucking hates me, I know he wouldn’t back me up,” Ben added. “I make fun of him too much. But it’s hard not to, I mean look at him.”

“I’m not going to break up with you if that’s what you’re worried about,” you said, hopefully reassuring him. Because even though he gave off the attitude that he didn’t need anyone or anything, you knew you were the only person he needed. You were the one person Ben could rely on no matter what; and you couldn’t bear the thought of what would happen if something bad had happened to you, or if your relationship ever ended.

“I don’t like it when you hate me,” he whispered. “You’re the one person I couldn’t bear to have hate me.”

“I don’t hate you Ben,” you said, reassuring him again. “I could never hate you.”

“Even if I killed Hughie?” He asked, slight teasing in his voice. But you gave him the look, and his teasing smile quickly faded. “Right. He’s off limits.” His hands finally went up in the air, as if he was surrendering. “I’d never kill him, don’t worry. I don’t actually mean it.”

“I wanted to do something special for you, even though we agreed not to make it a big deal because I figured this was a milestone for the both of us. You’re the longest relationship I’ve ever had, and the last person you celebrated an anniversary with gave you to the Russians.”

“I gave her a fucking diamond necklace too,” he mumbled.

“Ben,” you began.

“Sorry, sorry. Look, I want to make it up to you,” he said. “Let me start by —”

“Going down on me?” You questioned, cocking a brow.

“Well…yeah…I mean, don’t you like when I go down on you?” He asked.

“Yeah of course, but I was kind of hoping for something else than the usual way,” you confessed.

“Like what? Me saying I love you or something?” He asked.

“Don’t say it just because you think that’s what I want to hear. I want you to say it because you actually mean it.” It was three little words you had longed to hear for a while. And even though he had said it, he said it in a way of a question, because he thought it was words that would make this situation all better; almost like putting a band-aid on a huge gash.

“You know how I feel about you. I thought it was obvious when I first saw you,” he said. “When I first saw you, I thought you were a fucking knockout. I mean, I pictured you sucking and bouncing on my cock so many times before you actually did.”

“If that was supposed to sound romantic, it failed,” you said; barely humoring him in the moment.

He sighed, slightly rolling his eyes. “What I’m trying to say is, I may not be perfect, but there are five things that I know. Numbers one to three, I love your boobs, ass, and pussy. Number four, you’re the only person I ever fucking need in my life, and five, I love you. And I’m not just fucking saying that. I really fucking do. And you know how fucking hard that is for me to say cause the last person I said I love you to was a fucking bitch.”

Ben looked at your face, trying to find any hint of what you may be thinking. But he didn’t have the foggiest idea. All you did was stare at him with those big eyes of yours, looking at him like a lost puppy. “You said it,” you whispered, almost in disbelief. “You actually fucking said it…Ben…”

That’s when you wrapped his arms around him, finally feeling your small embrace. A grin formed on his face as he wrapped his arms around you in response. It felt nice to say it to you and say it to someone that he knew actually appreciated him. He let you see another side of him, a side that he would never let anyone besides you see. “Can I go down on you now?” He asked, speaking into your hair. You let out a small laugh, and felt you nod into his chest.

Without a second going by, he picked you up and slung you over his shoulder, happily bringing you into the bedroom.

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[sjsmith56]

You Know You Love Me

Summary: Bucky drives another member of the Avengers crazy with his teasing of her, and the non-stop women that he dates.

Length: 3.4 K

Characters: Bucky, unnamed and undescribed fem!reader

Warnings: Cursing, Bucky being insufferable, condescension, interference in reader’s dating life

Author notes: Avenger AU; Thanos never happened in this universe.

There were times when Bucky Barnes could be really irritating. Actually, it was most of the time. Living in the tower with him was like having the most irritating big brother / roommate / overbearing neighbour ever, trying to run your life. The worst moments were when he would say something just to get a rise out of me. He’d say it, then smirk, then the smile would get broader as he watched my reaction, then he would practically laugh when I’d call him on his bullshit. Those perfect teeth would be fully exposed, and I swear there would be a lens flare sparkle effect on them as his eyes crinkled in amusement. It was maddening.

He always had an opinion on everything, from TV shows, movies, favourite foods and especially with what I wore, and shared it whether I wanted to hear it or not.

“Sweetheart, you should wear that blue dress more often on your dates,” he would say, or something similar to it. “It will make your eyes pop.”

“You telling me what to wear, Barnes?” I would answer. “You practically live in your dark jeans and Henleys.”

“That’s because they’re comfortable,” he would reply, with a grin. “After what I went through in my life, I’m entitled to a little comfort in my old age, aren’t I?”

“Eat shit,” would be my response, except I never said it aloud as he was still a man of the 40s and would act all concerned at the language people used, which was rich coming from him, as he swore more than I did.

To be honest, I couldn’t really call him out on his life because he was tortured for most of it, and technically he was a centenarian. But to watch him just grin, with that look he often had after saying something outrageous to me, knowing I was holding my tongue, brought out the worst in me. Of course, the other Avengers would say he obviously liked me because he was normally Mr. Silent and Grumpy with all of them.

“Take the smile,” said Sam. “It’s proof the man has a heart.”

“But it bugs me,” I explained. “Drives me up the wall.”

“That’s why he does it,” smiled the winged man. “He obviously likes you and thinks you can handle it.”

That was the real problem for me; I couldn’t handle his attention, seemingly focused just on me. None of the others got as much scrutiny as I did. It didn’t help that the man was insanely gorgeous, with that thick dark hair, intense blue eyes, a jawline and cheekbones that rivalled those of any Hollywood heartthrob, topped off by an incredible smile. Physically, he was the type of man that women drooled over; tall, broad shouldered, sculpted waist, an ass that filled out his jeans so well, and thighs that gave me all sorts of thoughts. Which was another reason why I did my best to ignore or insult him. You would think I would know that my tactics weren’t working but the alternative to his attention was not getting it and that was unthinkable.

He had lots of female company, based on the number of times he came out of his room in the morning with a different woman for the walk of shame to the elevator. He’d stroke their hair, say how much fun he had, kiss them softly on their lips, then send them on their way, never to be seen again. It hurt, and I didn’t think I could compete against that. Not that I ever really tried.

Don’t get me wrong. I was happy with myself. After falling into that trap of denying myself anything that might stick to my figure, I realized I was playing a sucker’s game. I liked food, I liked enjoying myself, and so what if I wasn’t a perfect size 2. I was perfect the way I was, loved my curves and loved showing them off. Dates weren’t a problem, although second dates weren’t automatic, and third dates were rare. I often wondered why that was.

Somehow, Bucky would always be around when my date was picking me up for the first time. He would lean against a wall, his arms folded, gazing intently at the man who showed up. Occasionally he would speak to them with something along the lines of bringing me home before curfew. They would look at him, then me, to determine if he was kidding. It didn’t help when he said it was part of my “parole conditions.” Even if Bucky started grinning and say he was joking, more often than not those would be the dates that didn’t progress beyond the first one. If I did get asked out again, he would be waiting even nearer to us, almost like a lurking parent.

“Did you remember to take your infectious disease medication?” he would sometimes ask.

“Bucky, you know damn well I’m as healthy as a super soldier.”

“Yeah, now you are,” he’d say, with a straight face. “Gotta stay vigilant. Remember Typhoid Mary appeared healthy.”

The last time it happened, and Bucky said something really outrageous, the guy decided not to follow up with any more dates, so I confronted Bucky the next morning.

“Why are you always interfering in my love life?” I was almost apoplectic in my anger. “You told him I had to be home to tuck the kids in.”

“You can do better than him, sweetheart,” he answered. “If he really liked you, he would have asked to meet the kids. He wasn’t right for you. None of them are.”

I was done with his interference.

“How would you know? When was the last time you had a steady girlfriend?”

“Haven’t found the right one, yet,” he said. “But I get lots of action during the search, so I’m not too concerned.”

“Yeah? Sometimes I wonder if you have your lady friends over here just to make me jealous.” A flicker of something appeared in his eyes and quickly disappeared. I obviously hit a target. “You see me giving your dates the third degree?”

“They know our dates are casual,” he said, with an edge to his voice. “I don’t lead them on.” The grin appeared again. “They just want a taste and I’m happy to oblige.”

“You’re such a hypocrite!” I was in serious danger of losing it. “I swear, one of these days I’m going to start dragging guys to my bedroom. See how you like it then.”

With what I hoped was dramatic effect I whirled around and stomped away, not looking back. He just made me so angry. What he didn’t know was that I went straight to my room, turned on the TV really loud, then buried my face in my pillow and cried. Cried for letting him bother me; cried for being jealous of the women he brought back; cried for obviously not being someone he saw as worthy of dating. I hated to admit it, but I was in love with him, but I also knew I was nothing like the women he brought back for the night. They were beautiful; tall, graceful, perfect hair and teeth. Even though I liked myself I still felt like I was a 6 compared to their 9s. I didn’t think he would ever think of me as anything other than someone to tease.

It didn’t help that before I came to the tower, I was in a disastrous relationship with a SHIELD agent who was just as handsome as Bucky. He broke my heart when I learned he was cheating on me, and I didn’t want to be put into that position again. I put up all my emotional guards and just did my job. Except Bucky kept chipping away at me. I was tired of it. Did I already say he drove me crazy? This boomeranging between loving him and hating him wore me out.

For a week after that last confrontation, I wouldn’t talk to him. I wouldn’t even stay in the same room with him as I was so mad at myself for loving him. He didn’t bring any women back to his quarters during that week, so I guessed that my words had an effect.

That lasted until I went out to a nightclub with a bunch of college friends that I hadn’t seen in a while. I was dressed to the nines that night, in a slinky dress, cut low in the front and back, showing a lot of leg. I did my hair, wore makeup, nice jewelry … the works. We walked into the place like we owned it, and heads turned as we made our entrance. Drinking and dancing like it was the first day of the rest of our lives, we drew lots of male attention (and some female, as a couple of my girlfriends were lesbians). It was fun and liberating at the same time.

I was on the dance floor, grinding my ass against a guy as we danced when I saw them; Bucky and Sam, sitting at the bar. I couldn’t believe they would follow me. Women were hitting on both and every time I looked Bucky would lean over, whisper something in their ear, then pull back with that sexy smile he had. I was sure he was doing it deliberately. When we finally made eye contact, he lifted his glass to me. What an asshole.

“Who’s an asshole?” asked the guy I was dancing with, raising his voice so I could hear him over the music.

I must have said it out loud.

“Just a guy from work who showed up here,” I yelled back. “He’s always on my case. We had words and I told him off. Now he’s here and I just find his presence annoying.”

“You want me to tell him to leave?” he asked. “I don’t mind.”

Before I could answer he left me on the dance floor and made his way to Bucky. I watched him point back to me then say something. That smirk came out, then Bucky looked at me and shook his head. Working my way off the dance floor I confronted him, swaying lightly as I was definitely under the influence.

“Why are you here?”

“Baby, I just told him to leave,” said my dance partner. “Come on, he’s just being a dick.”

“Seriously, Bucky, why did you follow me?”

He looked at Sam, then at the guy I had danced with, then back at me, sizing me up in a way that made me a little uncomfortable. “I didn’t know you were here. We often hang out here, don’t we Sam? Good booze, nice staff, and great music.”

Sam said nothing, just arched his eyebrows a little. The guy I danced with was getting impatient.

“Bullshit, you hate this music,” I said. “You always go to that jazz place on the east side.”

That smirk twitched at the side of Bucky’s mouth. “How would you know? You been watching me?”

“No,” I answered defensively. “People post pics on Instagram. You’re a celebrity.”

The guy looked at Bucky again then at Sam and his brain suddenly put two and two together.

Bucky scoffed. “Thought I would find out what the appeal with this place is,” he answered, then he looked at the guy who was definitely figuring out he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. “Gotta say, I’m not that impressed.”

“Yeah? Well, I didn’t ask for your opinion,” I retorted, trying to appear put together, then losing my balance. He caught me before I tripped over the heels I was wearing. “Thank you. Now, I’m going back to dancing with my friend here. You can just … just … buzz off.”

I waved my hand at him dismissively, then turned back to the dance floor, grabbing hold of the guy’s arm. As I headed back into the throng of dancers with him, I lost my balance again and almost fell, but felt a strong pair of arms catch me up in their arms. It was Bucky.

“Put me down,” I said.

“No, you’re going home,” he answered. “You’ve had enough.”

“She asked you to put her down.” Bucky glared at him.

“You're not my dad,” I slurred. “Or my boyfriend. You don’t get to tell me when I’ve had enough.”

“That’s true,” he answered, still holding me in the middle of that dance floor as the other dancers ignored us. All I could see was that cute cleft in his chin. God, I wanted to lick it. “But I am your friend, and I think you should call it a night.”

It was like the other guy didn’t even exist. Bucky thought he was my friend? Never before had he said that and for some reason, it made me cry. Every time I tried to stop, I couldn’t and I buried my face in his chest, soaking his shirt with my tears. Calmly, he carried me off the dance floor to where Sam was, holding my purse and jacket. I still don’t know what happened to the guy I was dancing with, but he didn’t follow us.

“I’ll get the car,” said Sam. “She’s going to have a hell of a hangover tomorrow.”

“She’ll be alright,” replied Bucky, then he looked at me in a way he never had before. “You really need to know your limit.”

“Are you mad at me?” My voice sounded pathetic, even to me.

“No, sweetheart, I’m not mad.” He was still holding me in his arms. “I’m actually sorry.”

We were waiting at the door now, where it was quieter and the pounding in my head that I knew came from how much I drank began bothering me. He stood me upright for a moment, helping me on with my jacket.

“Why are you sorry?” I asked as he buttoned it up.

He breathed out noticeably. “I went about things the wrong way. I might be over a hundred years old but when it comes to women I like, I forget how to act around them.”

I swayed a little, and he put his arm around me, supporting me.

“Who do you like?”

Sam’s car appeared and Bucky helped me into the back seat, buckling me up. Not that it helped as I wanted to lie down and close my eyes. Sam shrugged as Bucky got into the back seat and put his arm around my shoulders so that I leaned against him. He was so warm, and his arm felt so nice and comforting.

“You smell good,” I murmured. That was the last thing I remembered until we got to the tower.

When we got there, I know that he picked me up like I weighed nothing and held me in the elevator until we reached the residential section. He carried me to my room then I could hear Natasha’s voice. For some reason that made me cry again, but she was so nice, telling me to let it out. I ended up in a T-shirt and shorts, tucked into the bed.

“There’s a glass of water and some pain killers on the nightstand,” she said softly. “Next time you wake up, take them, okay?”

She left me there although I could hear her and Bucky talking in Russian, but not understanding it, I didn’t know what they were saying. I just wanted to sleep, and I did, like the proverbial dead. When I did finally open my eyes, the light hurt, even though the curtains were drawn. I took the painkillers and drank the glass of water, then promptly ran to the bathroom, and brought it all up. As I sat on the floor, holding my head in my hands while I leaned against the bathtub, I heard a knock on the bathroom door.

“Go away,” I muttered. “Let me die in peace.”

“Were you sick?” It was Bucky.

“No.”

“Sweetheart, I could hear you. Clint could hear you and he wears hearing aids.”

I closed my eyes, then fought the urge to cry. He must have heard that because he spoke again, in a softer tone.

“Please, let me come in.”

“Fine.”

The door opened and he stepped inside. He turned the cold water tap on then filled the glass with water. Lowering himself to the floor, he sat next to me, holding out two new painkillers.

“I’m guessing you didn’t keep the last ones down,” he said. “You really tied one on last night.”

“Yeah, well, I was trying to forget,” I answered, taking the pills and holding them in my hand.

I took the water in my other hand and sipped it. When my stomach felt better, I swallowed the pills and washed them down with more water. Without thinking, I sighed, and put the glass down on the floor, reaching for some toilet paper so I could blow my nose. Bucky said nothing.

“Aren’t you going to ask what I’m trying to forget?”

“I have a pretty good idea,” he answered, just a little too quickly. “I’m sorry I’ve been a jerk to you. I kind of got carried away.”

I huffed a little. “Why do you act like you do?”

“No excuse for that,” he answered. “None that are valid, other than making up for lost time. Even that is suspect.”

“What do you mean?”

Sighing, then scratching his stubble with his fingers, he turned those blue eyes on me.

“I’ve been trying to make you jealous,” he said. “Juvenile I know. I can turn on the charm for most women, but for the one who I really want, I can’t seem to say the right thing. It makes you respond in kind and instead of us getting closer, it just pushes us further apart.”

“You want me? I find that hard to believe.”

“Why? You’re beautiful, smart, and you have a razor-sharp wit that I love. The worst of it is that other guys see it too, so I got a little prehistoric and bared my teeth at them, figuratively speaking. I’m sorry about that. You deserve better.”

“It hurt when you would bring all those women back here,” I said, frowning. “Then you pulled that double standard shit on me, by chasing away my dates.”

“I know. Guilty as charged. No excuses.” He breathed out. “You know how my senses are amplified?” I nodded. “None of them smelled as good as you. That probably sounds weird, but their scents were all chemical and fake compared to you.”

It was weird. “What did I smell like?”

“Home.”

“What exactly does that mean?”

Before I could say anything else, he kissed me, even though my mouth must have tasted of barf. He didn’t care, and it was the best kiss I ever had, making me feel weak and dizzy and aroused all at the same time. Then he pulled me onto his lap and kissed me some more, while putting one hand around to the nape of my neck while the other one wrapped around my body. Just as I was really getting into it, he stopped, then cupped my jaw in his one hand.

“You need to have a shower and brush your teeth.”

“You kissed me,” I countered. “I figured it didn’t matter.”

“It matters. I just wanted you to know as soon as possible.”

“Know what?”

“That you know you love me.” That smirk came out, along with the lens flare on those perfect teeth. Just as I was about to argue the point, he kissed me again. “I love you, too and I’ll tell you that in public and private as many times as I can until you believe it.”

He lifted me off of his lap and deposited me on the bathroom floor. Then he stood up and went to the door, looking back at me.

“You’re so cute when you don’t know what to say. I’ll be out here waiting for you.”

He thought I was cute. At my age I would take it. He was right about several things. I did know that I loved him. Now that I knew for sure that he loved me too, it was going to be interesting finding out where that love would take us.

One Shots Masterlist

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[ryuichirou]

TWST boys’ type HCs

We’ve had a couple of pretty similar HC prompts in our askbox for a while now, and today we got another one that is kind of similar to it as well. There are sooome differences to them, but I figured it’ll make sense to write one list for all of them!

Thank you so much for your questions <3 And I am very sorry for the wait, especially to the first two Anons who’s been waiting for months…

Anonymous asked:

I apologize if this has been asked before but do you have any headcanons on what body parts the twst boys have a particular liking for? You know like who’s a leg guy, who likes the booty, who prefers thighs, etc.

Anonymous asked:

What is each of the twst boys’ type both personality and looks-wise? Is there anything that’s an automatic NO?

Anonymous asked:

Are the twst boys physically attracted to their lovers? What’s their favorite part and why?

Overall, here are our questions: What is his type personality-wise/appearance-wise? What is his favourite body part? How strongly he is physically attracted to his partner? I’ll try to answer all of them…

I’ll also try to keep in mind canon trivia as much as possible, but let’s be honest – I don’t remember everything lol Also, a lot of these boys aren’t fully aware of their types and feelings.

Riddle – in theory, his type would be someone who takes care of him, spoils him and soothes him, but in actuality I think he falls for people that excite him lol Without fully realising it, too. This is why he ends up getting conflicting feelings towards Floyd of all people. Ironically, he is terrified of repeating his parents’ mistakes and spending his life with someone he always viciously fight with, but I guess he’s self-sabotaging oops. In terms of appearance, he is definitely attracted to taller and bigger men LOL (he doesn’t realise that...) The ones that would drown him… in embrace, of course! I think his favourite body parts are arms, hands and, interestingly, chest. I also think physical attraction plays a bigger role in his life than he cares to admit; somehow, despite how sentimental and inexperienced he is, I see him as someone who would get very into someone’s appearance (and would be oblivious about it).

Ace – this bitch outed himself in the Ghost Marriage event: he wants to be with someone he would have fun hanging out with, but also someone who he could be honest with, fight with, someone who would call out his bullshit as much as he would call out theirs, so yeah Deuce Spade lol Ace just wants a partner who is also a buddy… But in terms of his physical type, he seemed to express several times that he finds Epel attractive?? I guess your type and your ideal partner aren’t necessarily the same thing. Maybe this is also why Ace has complicated relationship with Riddle – he definitely thinks he’s cute on some level. As wholesome as it might sound, I think Ace likes long lashes… But he also strikes me as someone who is very into legs, and not necessarily soft “girly” legs. No matter who he ends up dating, he would be very physically attracted to them, even to the aspects of their appearance he wasn’t initially interested in.

Deuce – serious, reliable and responsible older men do things to his heart… and even just older men who look like they have their shit together. In a way, he’s always been drawn to his senpais (who weren’t very responsible but) or any other older male figure that felt like a perfect and shiny example of what Deuce wants to be. In reality, it was just Deuce wanting to be with these men lol I think taller men make him feel things too, but his favourite features are a face (handsome!) and probably arms. In general, Deuce is very physical and, similarly to Ace, would be very into his partner’s entire body.

Trey  – as everyone’s caretaker, he would be attracted to someone who allows him to take care of him… to an uncomfortable degree. I guess that would mean that he likes helpless people, in a way, which sounds very mean somehow lol In terms of physical attraction, he definitely has a bias towards more petit people, and I think OTHER THAN TEETH he is very drawn towards small hands, big eyes and let’s be honest, he is mostly into Riddle lol But he would go even more feral over Riddle if he was a little bit more plump… Trey is working on it, alright? Also, somehow despite a very clear type, Trey finds himself attracted to thighs in general. He is also very physically attracted to his partner, even if he doesn’t seem like it, he’s constantly losing his mind in his head.

Cater – I think Cater has his actual type (someone who he could be honest with and someone who would ground him) and an “ohh that’s totally my type!”. The second one is all over the place because he flirts with people left and right, but I think one way to describe it would be cool/shiny. All of his exes were either local school stars, or someone who is a good musician, or someone who was very cool to take selfies with. Cater’s “first layer” is superficial, but it’s because he never got to know people properly and never really had a chance to connect with anyone. Alright, before it gets too depressing: good fashion sense! Long fingers! Good smell! And of course, BUTTS! But even then there isn’t anything specific appearance-wise that Cater is looking for. He just wants to go “woah”.

Leona – I don’t know if this could be considered a type, but Leona prefers people who take care of him, but don’t make it very obvious that they do or don’t act like a caretaker. Ruggie works because he complains all the time, there is this feeling that he does it for his own benefit. In terms of appearance, unfortunately Ruggie is way off because Leona is drawn to strong men with good build, but at the same time they have to be low-key about it so Leona doesn’t feel a threat to his ego I mean, doesn’t feel the urge to assert dominance. He does want his partner to overpower him, but in a very specific way I guess. He is also all about physical attraction.

Ruggie – what he needs is a “partner in crime” that shares his worldview and also respects his boundaries, which sounds nice, but for Ruggie it’s more of a “I’m doing my own thing, you’re doing your own thing, but we’re working towards the same goal somewhat”. Anyways, he isn’t super interested in finding someone like this, it’s more of a “if I end up with someone, it’s better be this kind of person”. It’s not like he has a physical type but… I think he is drawn towards meaty people. I think he loves big thighs, heavy butts, huge arms and fat tits.

Jack – oh he has very specific ideas for who he wants his partner to be because he is very determined to be with one person for his entire life – this is how things are in his family, after all. He is such a monogamist it hurt… He needs someone who is very into constant self-improving, but also isn’t a chore to be with emotionally. Ironically, I think both Deuce and Vil suit him well in that regard lol In terms of physical appearance, he loves athletic bodies and muscles, but he isn’t super into someone huge and beefy like him. I think he also loves butts a lot, but he is extremely shy about it…

Azul – in his head, his type is someone who is at the same time on the same level with him in terms of skill and potential, but also someone who is easy to bully because Azul still wants to always have the upperhand. In actuality, Azul kind of wants someone he could ease up with a liiittle bit. Not too much though. This is why even though I love both ships, I think Azul/Idia would have more longevity: Azul is crushing HARD on Jamil, but he would never allow him to get closer even if Jamil himself was willing. With Idia though, Azul is somehow more chill. Maybe it’s because Idia is easier to bully lol In terms of appearance though, I think it’s… Jamil again. Azul is so physically attracted to Jamil it makes him a bit feral. His hair, his body, his face, his hands – everything. I think he loves longer hair in general, but also elegant hands and pretty faces – those are parts he loves in Idia very much as well.

Jade – someone who wouldn’t bore him, someone who would always keep him guessing. It’s very difficult to fit his type, he is more difficult to excite than Floyd in general. But he would still love someone who would share his hobbies (mountains, mushrooms, teasing Azul)~ Until they become boring, of course. I also don’t think he has a type in terms of physical appearance – he is pretty open to anything, as long as it’s interesting and hopefully weird, and he would probably consider having a preference limiting somehow, even if it’s just in theory. That being said… He is somewhat interested in people’s necks. But also, since he is a merman, he is a liiiiittle bit into legs, because those are very new to him.

Floyd – he is the heartthrob out of the two tweels, and his romantic and sexual interest is higher than Jade’s, but his type personality-wise is pretty similar: he doesn’t want anyone who would bore him. At the same time, he is also attracted to people who can take him, meaning those who are strong enough to make him shut up somehow. This was Riddle’s mistake when they first met: Floyd was so impressed by his strength that he got obsessed instantly. Something similar happened with Vil during Beanfest too. At the same time, both Jade and he get very into those who hide from them because it feels like the person is teasing (hi Idia) them… In terms of appearance though, Floyd is also pretty omnivorous, but he still loooooves little cuties with feisty personalities. If a boy looks like Floyd could chomp his skull in half, he is into him. If the boy looks like Floyd could break his wrists but just squeezing them, he is into him. If the boy is very angry and fussy at the same time, man, Floyd wants to eat him alive. Maybe this is why he likes Epel too. He also loves chest because there are nipples there and they’re fun to rub against ahem. Also… I hate to say it, but probably feet :(

Kalim – I honestly don’t think he has a type, but he would prefer someone whom he could have fun with! Of course, Kalim doesn’t think there are people whom he wouldn’t have fun with…  But unintentionally, I also think he is drawn to those who aren’t super ready to open up to him from the get-go. Maybe it’s because he feels like it’s his mission to make that person open up? Look at Kalim, making projects out of people lol In terms of appearance, he sees beauty in a lot of people, but realistically, he is probably drawn to a lot of Jamil’s characteristics: his arms, his stomach, his face, his hair, his back – this is just what Kalim subconsciously would consider to be very attractive, without necessarily understanding that he’s describing Jamil. If he had to pick one thing though… Neck. Kalim wants to dive into his lover’s neck and collarbone and just smell it. And then hair too…

Jamil – similar to Ruggie’s type in theory, but in practice Jamil is drawn towards those who are somewhat domineering – he kind of enjoys it too much whenever Kalim has to pretend to be very dominating and scary (like during one of the Halloween events) lol I think to him it’s more of a guilty pleasure though; as he starts thinking about it, it feels wrong in every possible way. I also don’t think he has a type in terms of physical attraction. If the body is attractive, it’s attractive: I think Jamil is more drawn towards the attitude than any physical traits. But if he absolutely had to pick one body part to be attracted to, it’s forearms. His are better though.

Vil – someone who is passionate, determined and hardworking, but also someone who gets him and is honest with him. It’s also pretty important to Vil that he could share his interests and passions with that person, which is why Rook pretty much speedran the entire “getting closer” thing with Vil that would usually take much longer lol Vil gets very soft when he is in his element, after all. He also tends to fall for people with headstrong and somewhat stubborn personalities for some reason, even though he himself is very bossy and in theory would want his partner to be more obedient... In terms of appearance, I think Vil tends to prefer someone on a manlier side, but not overly masculine (no beard!) + he is attracted to buff people with strong bodies. He loves big thighs and strong necks, and it’s not unusual for him to feel butterflies in his stomach because of his lover’s body… He also would obviously demand his partner to always be super clean, but in actuality there is a certain level of body odour that he doesn’t mind and finds kind of attractive. What are those, pheromones?

Rook – both in terms of personality and appearance, Rook is in love with anyone and everyone! He is enamoured by a lot of people, so naturally there are a lot of things that he finds attractive that contradict each other: he loves Vil’s strong personality, but he also loves Idia’s shyness, he loves Epel’s naiveté, but he also loves wisdom and deep thinking behind Jamil’s eyes. Same with bodies: he loves Vil’s legs, he loves Leona’s mane, he loves Malleus’ horns, he loves Deuce’s calves, he loves Silver’s chest, the list goes on and on… And whoever he is with, while he is with that person, he is the most physically attracted to someone person in the world. For the window of time he is with that person, he is obsessed to every single body part and every single detail and imperfection of this person.

Epel – in a way similar to Deuce, but not quite: he is also drawn to older men, but he doesn’t like the calm and collected ones, he loves those who are a bit unhinged, unapologetic, cool in a way ~a boy~ would consider cool. This is why he is into people like Floyd or Leona or Rook when he is acting closer more feral or shows his physical prowess in any way. He wants someone to be reckless with, he wants to be loved in a bit of a crazy way, but yeah of course deep inside he is also a romantic that wants to spend his life with one person who would grow apples with him back in Harveston… In terms of physical appearance, yep taller muscular men!! lol muscles are this boy’s main fetish after all. The face doesn’t even matter to him much, Epel is all about thigh and arms that could choke him out. He loves strong backs too.

Idia – I think I wrote about his type at some point but there is no way I’ll find this post now so I’ll do it again and hope that I don’t contradict myself: Idia loves people whom he could spend time with doing things that he loves! He wants to play with someone, to watch anime and movies with someone, to talk about programming and stupid people on the internet with someone. Both Lilia and Azul are good in that regard – he is the happiest when he is playing games with them. But also, despite being capricious and easily freaked out, I think Idia is in a way attracted to stubborn people with strong personalities that take all the guessing out of their relationship. It’s easier for him if his partner decides for both of them, even if Idia doesn’t agree: he’ll still bitch about it, so it’s okay. But actually, Crimson Muscle is perfect for him. CM never oversteps and always minds the distance, as if not to scare Idia away, but he also instantly notices when Idia is getting upset, and always shows the exact amount of interest and investment in Idia’s stories that Idia wants… Idia is crushing hard on that man. And the fact that this is an experienced older man probably does things to Idia as well, oops. In terms of appearance, even though he keeps ending up with petit men, I think Idia loves those who are a bit on a stronger side… he also loves deep voices. Can’t think of any one body part though; I don’t think Idia would have a lot of physical attraction towards anyone in general to be honest. Shocking, I know lol

Ortho – he loves those who respond well to him being playful! I also think he has a bias towards those who are a bit older because he is very used to being around Idia, even though he mostly takes care of him. Still, he loves being a little cutie that people compliment on his achievements; this is probably why he works so well with Vil. I also don’t think he has a physical type because he still isn’t sure about what is considered appealing, but he consciously decided that he is into butts! He even told Idia once that he is now into butts. Maybe it’s a phase, the boy is learning about himself okay? Realistically, he probably responds to faces the most, which is kind of sweet to be honest. Real!Ortho would be a leg and thigh boy though lol

Lilia – nowadays he just wants someone to have fun with, he isn’t concerned about anything else – it’s not like he has to build a family with someone after all. So yeah, fits very neatly into Idia’s desire to have quality time together! In terms of physical appearance, I think Lilia also is someone who would be into a lot of people, but in general… those who are significantly taller than him. The taller the better. He doesn’t mind short cuties, but lovers with long-ass legs are his jam, and this has been his bias ever since he was a very young fae lol  So much space to bite~ He also is very into butts; probably the biggest butt enjoyer in NRC. And dragon tails which is super specific wow. He finds physical attraction to be very important, and he kind of think that there is no relationship without it… he’s a bit old-fashioned like that. I also feel like he is kind of haunted by the image of a tall busty woman with long dark hair and fair skin (I wonder why), so he is naturally drawn towards those elements as well.

Silver – does he have a type… not really, I think. He is close to people he is close with, but he never really considered romantic attraction towards someone… It’s easier for him to be around extroverted people though. In terms of appearance, he probably has a bias towards people similar to Lilia, but it’s not like he’s ever met anyone who is even remotely similar to him. I guess he is his one and only in terms of this specific type of beauty lol But other than that, he does find himself staring at Sebek’s back or chest from time to time… Maybe it’s because those look like nice sleeping surfaces though.

Sebek – someone who wouldn’t stand between him and his liege of course! Someone who would be understanding of how important it is for him to dedicate his life to Malleus first and that person second, or even third! Or something among the lines. In actuality though, I think Sebek is drawn towards those who make him… feel and think unexpected things. Partially because he doesn’t know how to deal with those thoughts and feelings, and is eager to figure them out by chasing that poor person lol In terms of physical type, I think it’s fair to say that Malleus is his Ideal Man, but Malleus also feels somewhat otherworldly, like it’s not appropriate to compare others to him…but he does love elegant appearance, long fingers and lips that look somewhat… darker, like they’re coloured I guess. He wants to kiss instantly lol He would be extremely into his partner physically though and might discover a lot about himself when he’s actually with someone for the first time.

Malleus – another one who really loves those who respond well to his teasing. Someone who would play along, but also not be afraid to stop him when he takes things too far. Maybe scold him a little bit, but just a little bit, because otherwise he’ll get mad. He wants someone who would pay attention to him, be attentive and actually listen to what he has to say, but also he has to be interesting to listen to… Someone who looks serious, but isn’t boring and allows him to be playful from time to time… and an adventurous nature! Malleus has a lot of preferences when it comes to personality lol but this code isn’t as difficult to crack as it seems. In terms of appearance though, he doesn’t have a preference, buuut I guess he has a slight bias towards serious faces, because he loves to fluster their owners. His favourite body part is actually… ears. He just likes to whisper and to tickle them with his breathing, okay?

[windbelle]

Is there any aspect of Astarion that you feel you specifically created in him?

Newbon: I think it’d be remiss of me to say I brought this to Astarion. I took Stephen [Rooney]’s words, which were beautiful, and I did things with them. This is what Stephen told me after the initial demo when I sort of quasi-auditioned, demo-ed for Asatarion. Stephen reviewed it. He liked what I was doing… He didn’t predict the things that I was doing with the character. So they were a surprise to him, which he liked. He then started writing towards the rhythm that I was trying out with the character because he liked it. I think the word “Darling” became more of a thing after he heard me say one line that had the word “Darling” in it, and it wasn’t supposed to be like a thing for him, but it sort of became like an anchor point for Astarion, which I think was really interesting.

Newbon: I didn’t improvise any of the lines. The lines of dialog were beautifully written. But what I did do is the cadence, the habits, the mannerisms, the different jumps and changes, the theatricality, the facade of him, all that kind of stuff I brought in, which isn’t scripted per-se, but I’m obviously following Stephen and the other writers who contributed towards the Astarion’s words and just brought my own take on it, my own flavor on it.

I did a lot of background work, I did a lot of character creation work myself. I spent a long time, over four years, really cultivating different aspects. And I thought a lot about his habits. I brought in a lot of different methodology, from method work, movement work, creature and character design. I spent a lot of work.

This was not something that I just switched on and got into. This took a lot of experimentation to find what was right, especially with things like the voice and particular habits he would do for deflection or dismissing you. I wanted to build very strong habits into him so that even if he was saying one thing, his body might give himself away or what his real intent was. And I think largely we got pretty successful at that because I think you can watch his physicality and realize he’s saying the opposite of what he’s saying.

There was a lot of fun to be had. But yeah, I worked my socks on this role and it was great. It was four years of joy. It was great. Four and a half years of joy.

So, speaking of that work, you did building his lore…

Newbon: Not his lore, the lore is set by the writers, building his life, I think.

Perfect, building his life. Given all that work, do you have, in the fandom, we call it a head-canon? Do you have any headcanons about Astarion that are not explicitly said in the game?

Newbon: I have his background, and I developed aspects of his background that aren’t talked about because that’s a method tool to help live the character’s life. Okay, well, in the past, he used to do things like this. Therefore, that’s a habit that he would carry on into this new life, being a vampire and being a slave, essentially.

So, I took habits from his past that aren’t scripted and developed those myself. Nobody knows that. Nobody needs to be told that. But what it does do is that if I’m put into a new context of a new scene, I know how he’s going to react habitually and also his wants and needs and objectives, anyway. All of that factors into the choice I will then make in-line with physical movement because I have his life in my head. So, if you want to call that a head-canon. That’s kind of like a historic head canon.

What I don’t do is head-canon the future of beyond the story because that story’s happened.

Is there anything you can share there? He loves wool and socks or something.

Newbon: Yeah. There’s a thing where Astarion always checks his nails when he is trying to just dominate people. He dismisses them with a head turn, usually to the left. He does this to put people in their place. To make very them acutely aware that he’s in control.

......

[paper-possum-party-pal]

Guess Who?

It’s Timekeeper!!!

Timekeeper started off as an AI The Narrator made to keep track of settings and time after a failed attempt to create a protagonist. A form was built, but was scrapped. When TK gained sentience, he didn’t have the power to do much except mess with the clock and settings. She slowly expanded her power though through the powerful desire to fuck with The Narrator. They weren’t aware of much going on outside of their space until connecting with the computers of the parable where they became aware of Stanley. Xe gains access to the time and space between resets where Xe starts interacting with Stanley and the become partners in crime.

Stanley and TK are great buddies and their favorite activity is messing with The Narrator, made funnier by the fact The Narrator has no clue TK is even there. He does eventually find out though once TK manages to pull its scrapped form out of recycling and fix it and gets caught interacting with Stanley. Stanley and TK also often talk about their false memories and what kinds of lives they would lead in the real world. TK doesn’t really care if he gets to experience the real world, but does admit that it might be fun, and new things means new ideas means new ways to prank The Narrator.

The Narrator and TK have more of a rivalry, with TK thinking The Narrator as a stuck up buzzkill who puts too much value in perfection and meaning, while The Narrator thinks TK is annoying, irresponsible, and irreverent. They aren’t really friends, but they’re not enemies either, and will reluctantly admit when the other may have a point. They’re sort of like roommates and maybe siblings.

TK doesn’t interact with The Curator or Mariella as much, but they’re friends. TK knows how and when to bring the fun to them and they both appreciate it. They all hold more of a sibling dynamic. They all have tea together, chat, and play fight, especially TK and Mariella. The Curator is great at reigning in TK, which can be frustrating when a certain someone starts whining about someone else messing with his game.

More human form

It’s funny to me how many of us, at least initially (and even a little bit now), had a similar idea of how Timekeeper would look with a physical form. I found myself having a lot of difficulty deciding what I wanted them to look like exactly since there’s so many creative designs people have come up with. I was thinking of trying to design a very non-human form for it. One thing that does slightly bother me is that I have that last character for the proctor lineup that is very similar looking, but I’m hoping it’s just different enough so it doesn’t feel too much like I’m copy pasting the same character.

With white background

[the-pink-baphomet1861]

The biology of Dredge

Or: What the f**k happened to that fish!

Menu/Next

Part 1: The blue mackerel 

So, Dredge.

It’s that one simple fun fishing simulator about sailing to four different scenic, beautiful, geographically impossible locations while helping the locals and interacting with the wildlife. Just you and your boat for miles, nothing else at all. Sit down, grab your rod, don’t worry! It’s not like anything’s gonna happen to you, especially not involving the noises you’ve been hearing from under the hull. They’re probably just the currents hitting the side of the boat, relax! Feel the cool night air and the gentle, salty, insidious mist on your face and listen to the sounds of the sea, but not too closely. You never know what might be whispering on the tides.

I am, of course, messing with you. In reality, Dredge is a game about sailing through a haunted sea full of unknown horrors and lovecraftian abominations all while searching for the key to a lock you can’t fathom. I loved Dredge, it was a fun game, and my favourite part had to be the art, (besides the wonderfully simple gameplay and riveting story, of course) and my favourite part of the art had to be the aberrations.

For some explanation to the people who haven’t played Dredge, every time you fish from a fishing spot, there’s a chance that the thing you catch won’t be a normal fish, but a mutant little beast with all sorts of fascinating deformities. The chance is basically guaranteed if you see a little blue glow above the fishing spot and these guys are a good bit more valuable than their non aberrant counterparts, so you’re kind of incentivized to collect as many as you can. 

Looks like mama’s eating good tonight!

That isn’t the reason I’m writing this though, because each fish and crab in the game comes with at least one aberrant variety, each with their own unique design and flavour text, which I LOVE! It makes the eldritch presence feel all encompassing, even as you deal with the much larger threats in the sea. Recently, however, I’ve been thinking about the actual, physical effects of these mutations and how they would affect the bodies of their poor, unfortunate hosts, and as a marine biology student, I thought that this would be the perfect opportunity to both study and learn about the biology of some of the fascinating animals in the ocean and talk about a game I like! It’s a win-win!

Some ground rules first:

Dredge is a video game, and as such things that appear in it don’t necessarily reflect reality in all aspects. The team at Black Salt Games are amazingly talented people, but I’m not so sure how much marine biology they know, and if they do, they probably aren’t going to drag the game to a screeching halt in order to explain three pages of notes incomprehensible to anyone who hasn’t been studying marine biology for at least three years. It would also make the game a lot more boring if everything strictly adhered to reality. So everything in this document will be strictly speculative.

I may be a marine biology student, but I am in no way a complete expert. There are going to be a lot of things that I’m probably going to mess up. This isn’t a strict scientific breakdown with 100% accurate information, and while I will try my best to find good, reliable sources for my info, things are going to get pretty fantastical as time goes on, especially for the fish that are specifically made for the game. This is just for fun and not some inscrutable scientific paper built on loads of evidence.

I will NOT be covering any of the larger monsters in the game. This is already a massive undertaking with nearly 200 fish and aberrations to get through and a ton of research to do, and that’s not even getting into the lore implications that these guys are full-on eldritch abominations from another dimension instead of just mutated animals. I might do something like this for them in the future, but for now it’s just the aberrations you can catch and sell.

And with those formalities out of the way, let’s get into it!

Specimen #1: Blue mackerel

This little guy is probably the first fish that you’ll ever catch, they’re the easiest fish outside Big Marrow, not requiring any special equipment, and are in many ways the game’s tutorial for how the fishing mechanic works.

But what kind of fish ARE these guys actually? As in, which species do these guys belong to and what does that mean for how their physiology will change once they start mutating?

Well that’s what this first section is all about.

Who’s that ichthyoid?

In this section, I’m going to be going over the appearance and description in the game and trying to use that in order to find out what species these guys belong to and how exactly their bodies work. This section will vary in length from entry to entry, as while the game isn’t generous enough to give us the scientific names of each fish, there are some that are more obvious than others, and there are some that need a bit more digging.

Starting off with our little guy here, we can see that my largest trophy was about 28,1 cm in length, although I did read that their max in-game size was 30 cm. They have a bluish grey colouration with six black stripes running down both sides. Their body is that of a standard fusiform plan, which means that the animal has an almost cylindrical form that tapers off into two points at both ends, as opposed to other body plans like eel-like or elongated. The tail fin also has a particular shape, in this case forked, which means that the tail has a two-pronged appearance while still being a singular fin, as opposed to a lunate tail fin, which is two separate fins that both have a pronged appearance

A triad of diagrams that display the differences in body plan, the different kinds of fins and tail fin shape, you’re gonna be seeing this a lot. BE ADVISED that these are incredibly variable and can change a lot depending on the species of fish.

Our blue mackerel also has two evenly spaced dorsal fins that are somewhat rectangular and relatively short, reaching their highest points at the top right corner of the fin (although the rectangularity of the fins might just be part of the artstyle) and the pelvic and anal fins seem to share these characteristics, although the pelvic fin is much shorter than the rest, and although I can’t fully make out the pelvic fins, it seems to an almost teardrop shape with the bottom left portion of the fin connected to the area near the second gill slit. The mouth ends in a pointed snout which isn’t too thin, but it is still quite noticeable. 

I haven’t really said much about the habitats of the fish yet, which you would think is pretty important, but here’s the thing, Dredge is frustratingly vague about where it actually takes place. I joked about it before, but the fact that a volcanic hotspot, a mangrove swamp, a coral reef, a temperate cliff area and wherever the marrows are all occur within a few days of sailing doesn’t sound likely to me at all, (although if anyone does know any similar real world areas I would absolutely love to hear about it) but there might be something we can use here. As you can see, each fish comes with an area marker that tells you what kind of gear you need for catching it, but we can actually use this to mark down a habitat and narrow down our search a little. For the blue mackerel we see that it is listed as coastal, which means that it probably stops appearing once you get too far out into the open ocean, so keep that in mind.

Now we can get to the fun part, actually identifying the specific species this fish belongs to.  

First off I think we can safely say that this fish belongs to the ray-finned fish group because it probably has bones and isn’t a coelacanth or a lungfish, which I think is pretty uncontroversial. Narrowing it down is where this gets tricky. You see, the identification tool I was using, a site called fishbase which seems pretty reliable, has a bunch of different options to make your search easier,but they’re all things like the habitat where the fish lives, what it eats, how many spines it has in its fins, and for some reason lacks things like the fish’s colour. All things that would be helpful for a real-world marine biologist trying to identify what they caught, but not so helpful for us trying to find a fish in a fictional video game.

Eventually I did manage to whittle away the options through looking at things like the fin and body shape as well as things like size for species I found interesting, until I got to the Scombridae family, which consists of tuna, bonitos, and of course, mackerels. From there all I had to do was find the species that fit the description best, easy right? WRONG! None of the species I found had all the key characteristics I was looking for. None of them had that deep, bluish-grey colour or those six long stripes running down the sides that I was looking for. So in the end I decided on the closest match I could find.

Image source:https://www.fishbase.se/summary/Scomber-australasicus.html 

The blue mackerel (Scomber australasicus) 

Most of the main traits are there, it has relatively short dorsal and pelvic fins, with a similar almost-teardrop shaped pectoral fin and that same forked tail fin. The colour is a pretty good match too, albeit silvery blue instead of dark bluish grey, but still pretty similar. There are some differences though. The six, distinct, vertical bands on the game version are much less distinct and vertical, and much more numerous and the anal fin is much shorter than in the game and the maximum size was also said to be higher, around 44 cm with 30 being an average rather than the stopping point, but I think we can ignore this as part of the game.

And yeah, I know. Big whoop. The fish called a blue mackerel turned out to be a blue mackerel. I do think that going through this is important however, as it doesn’t just give us a starting point to work with when it comes to the more vague fish, (and trust me, it gets vague sometimes) but also lets us learn a bit more about both the morphology and taxonomy of these animals. Plus, that info will be pretty handy when we inevitably find a fish we can’t properly identify and have to dip our toes into speculative biology.

Now we get to the part you’ve all probably been waiting for since this post started:

WHAT THE F**K HAPPENED TO THAT FISH?

Finally we can actually get started on looking at the aberrations and breaking down the physiological changes! Hoo boy, this is gonna be fun!

First off, some more groundwork. (I know, I know, but this is still important, so bear with me) 

The internal anatomy, specifically the skeleton, is something we need. It’ll allow us to pinpoint the basic look of what happened anatomically, which gives us the information we need to make more specific assumptions about what’s going on here. I will also bring in information about specific, real-world fish diseases for more accuracy. So be warned! There will be pictures of real fish gore and gross parasites, and with that disclaimer, on with the show!

I couldn’t find a specific diagram of S. australasicus’s skeleton, so I decided to use this neat 3-D model of another, incredibly similar (so similar that scientists used to believe that the blue mackerel was a subspecies) species known as Scomber japonicus, or the chub mackerel.

Image source:https://sketchfab.com/osakanaWatch 

Now let’s get into some mutations!

Mutation #1: Grotesque Mackerel

This little guy was the first aberration I ever caught, I can still remember the day. I was happily fishing, minding my own business, when suddenly the fish I had caught came up with a distorted version of the normal “You caught something!” jingle and I was looking at this gross, sick-looking, mutated version of the blue mackerels I was so used to finding. I knew that the aberrations existed, I had already peeked at the encyclopaedia a little, but actually seeing and catching one was a whole nother experience. I remember feeling both morbid curiosity and a bit bad for the little thing, neither of which were helped by the flavour text that pops up the first time you catch an aberrated fish, but that’s enough nostalgic waxing, let’s get into some marine biology!

The first thing to note is the noticeably bent spinal column, which gives the fish a very distinct hunchback look. There are several different kinds of spinal deformities that can affect vertebrates, but I think the one most likely to be the culprit here is called kyphosis, which is a deformity which causes the upper back to curve forward into a pronounced hump and can affect basically any animal with a spinal column, including fish. We can’t exactly dissect the animal to see where exactly it bends but it seems to reach its highest point around the 10th or eleventh vertebrae, roughly right before the halfway point, and is quite extreme, as the whole spine is at a curved angle. This would probably be quite painful for the fish, the vertebrae disks would probably start digging into each other as well as impede its ability to swim straight, but that isn’t the only thing that would mess with its swimming.

Most of the fins, aside from the pectoral, tail, and one of the dorsal fins have completely atrophied into the fish’s body, with the remaining ones having undergone some serious changes. The pectoral fins appear to have lost a lot of the spines that make up the fin, and the remaining ones have grown to nearly half the fish’s length, which makes it much harder for the animal to make sudden turns, not helped by the lack of a primary dorsal fin. Speaking of which, the secondary dorsal fin is the fin that seems to have undergone the least amount of changes, being just a bit taller than normal, as well as the abnormal colour, but we’ll talk more about that later. The tail fin has gone from a general forked shape to an almost perfect crescent, again suggesting a difference int the number of spines, but this time an increase rather than a decrease, and they have also appeared to have increased in number as well, leading to the fin being proportionally much larger than before. The fish would still be able to swim, just not very well, as the narrower pectoral fins, the larger tail fin, and the lack of stabilising fins would probably give it a rough time controlling its movements, leading to uncoordinated swimming as well as a lot of collisions with obstacles.

The last of the skeletal deformities is the skull which, while still retaining the pointed shape, is also pretty messed up. The upper jaw appears to be forced forward over the lower jaw, along with the cranium, and the entire mouth just seems smaller than before. This might also be an effect of the spinal deformity, but it's hard to say for sure. It also looks like the skull has swollen and deformed a bit, as the snout is much less pointy and far more wide and blunt, as opposed to the normal fish.

You also might’ve noticed another feature of the mouth, those magnificent pearly whites of theirs. They’ve grown much larger and sharper than you can see (or rather, can’t) on the skeleton which, when combined with the deformations in the skull, would definitely affect their feeding behaviour and their ability to catch prey. In real life, while the blue mackerel is mostly a planktonic filter feeder, they can also be rather voracious predators, striking at basically anything they think they could eat, which is a lot. Things like plankton, squids, small fish, and even non-food items like burnt cigarettes and bare hooks aren’t off the menu, so they pretty much only have one row of small, pointed, teeth on their bottom and top jaws and some teeth on the roofs of their mouth. This coincides with their lifestyles as mostly planktonic but still very predatory fish in coastal and open oceans, with their teeth mostly serving the function of holding prey in place when feeding and to keep them from leaving the mouth, not to grab onto and tear like animals with larger teeth.

The altered teeth on the other hand are much larger and sharper, and appear to have decreased in number as well, there is still only one row however. They also seem to be much more uneven. Assuming that there are no large changes in behaviour, and the fish still catches prey in a similar way to before the mutations, it would mean that the teeth’s new shape would actually get in the way of capturing prey rather than helping them, which when combined with the decrease in swimming ability from the deformed fins and spine, would probably mean that the fish is much less successful than the healthy fish when hunting, which would lead to smaller body sizes and much more aggressive behaviour as the fish grows hungrier. Yeah, these fish aren’t doing well. 

With the skeletal abnormalities out of the way, let’s move onto the other forms of mutation. We can’t see much about the internal organs and muscular structure, but there does seem to be some swelling across the body, which could indicate a multitude of things. First, it could imply inflammation, which is when bodily fluids fill an infected portion of the body to allow the immune system to react better to a large amount of disease-causing organisms, but filling areas of the body with fluid can be detrimental in certain cases, not to mention painful. It could also be the sign of unregulated tissue growth, large amounts of an almost cancerous level of growth, which could cause the body to expand, which would not help the fish’s already hunger-strained body, but these growths are nothing compared to another little mutant. (we’ll get there soon, don’t worry)

The next part to discuss is the colour, which has gone from the regular bluish-grey to a vivid electric blue. There are multiple ways an animal’s skin can reflect a certain colour, such as specialized cells in the skin which hold different kinds of pigment, which is how colours like yellow or orange are produced by animals, but blue is a bit different. Instead of being produced by any sort of pigment, blue is reflected by the structures of an animal’s skin rather than any sort of pigment. So in a fish’s case, the scales would have certain structures on them which would scatter the light and make it appear blue. In our little grotesque buddy’s case, all it would take would be a shift in these structures in order for the light to scatter differently and for our eyes to pick up a different shade of blue. Actually, the fact that the fish has lost the black stripes makes it seem like the scales have actually lost pigmentation, which isn’t a very good sign for the fish’s health as the pigments in the body are breaking down for whatever reason. The lighter, more vibrant shade of blue could also make them more visible to predators, which also would not be good for the fish’s health, but in a different way.

The very last thing I want to talk about are those small beady, red eyes. The encyclopaedia describes them as bulging, but the illustration makes it seem more sunken than bulging, so let’s go with that. In any case, it probably isn’t good. Eye pigmentation is based on genetics, but to get a bright, vivid red like that usually means one thing: blood, and lots of it. It could mean that a lot of blood vessels could have burst and flooded the eye, obscuring the pupil and giving it a menacing deep red shade. The sunken-in state of the eyes is something known as enophthalmos, which can be a result of various things in fish such as sudden changes in salinity or a result of certain infections.

Mutation #2: Lumpy Mackerel

How long was that last section? Like three pages? Hoo boy we’re gonna be here forever. Thankfully I think that the rest of these are gonna go much faster, I hope. In any case now we’re gonna be looking at one of the more intense mutations in the game. Look at this thing, Where do you start!? I guess with the obvious.

This thing is absolutely covered in large, bulbous masses, I mean just look at it, you can hardly tell there’s a fish under there, and these things are huge as well. Compared to the rest of the anatomy, they would be at least a decimeter or even more if they appeared on a human, which isn’t good, in case you were wondering.

Now onto what I think these actually are. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what they are, but I have a few ideas. They could be cysts caused by something like lymphocystis, which are sacs that can contain air, fluids or semi-solid materials, which would explain things like the smooth shapes, but the problem is that cysts usually form in one specific part of the body due a specific cause, like an injury or infectious organism, and that cause can change depending on where the cyst forms, and considering the sheer amount of growths, I don’t think a single kind of cyst can be the culprit. They might be some of the growths, but I think that the main cause is actually cancerous tumours.

Tumours are clumps of cells that can form under specific circumstances, and can sometimes result in a rather obscure medical condition you might have heard of called cancer, which in short is when cells in the body undergo several key mutations which essentially makes them go feral, they stop fulfilling their ordinary function and start rapidly multiplying and draining valuable nutrients from the body, growing into a large clump that does nothing but take up space, get in the way of important functions and generally be a nuisance. There are two categories that specific tumours can fall into, benign and malignant, which basically describes how aggressively the tumour is growing and how much of a threat it is to your health. 

Benign tumours generally aren’t very dangerous, they’re mostly just a clump, with some never even requiring removal. They don’t invade surrounding tissue or grow back after being surgically removed or even growing all that fast. However, benign doesn’t mean harmless, as they can still cram other, more important organs and do have to be monitored in case they do become malignant, which I think we should talk about now.

Malignant tumours are the dangerous ones, the ones that have entire foundations dedicated to treatment, and with good reason. These things are nasty, they do everything that benign tumours do and more, they’re cancerous, they invade tissue, they can grow really fast and take a lot of nutrition, they spread to new parts of the body, they kick grandmas and burn down orphanages, they are the worst. They are also what I believe to be causing these growths in the fish. I’m not entirely sure what exact kind of cancer it is and frankly I don’t think we can know, just that it is now everywhere. This I think is the result of metastasis, when cancerous cells break away from the original tumour and migrate to new parts of the body, where they begin growing into malignant tumours themselves.

However, there are a few other things we have to consider in this situation, the size and the amount. Most of the time tumours are rather small, even if comprised of thousands of cells, there are cases of absolutely massive tumours inside people, (don’t look up pictures if you value your mental health) but they don’t grow to this frequency in that size, probably because a person usually dies without treatment before that can happen. Which means that something, probably dark magic, is keeping the fish alive.

Other than the tumours, I couldn’t really see any easily identifiable deformities to the skeletal structure under the growths (except for one, but we’ll get there soon) as the only fin I could make out, the tail fin, seems relatively unchanged, at least compared to the grotesque mackerel, but the other fins appear to be either obscured or reabsorbed by the growing masses. Now for the skull, oh boy the skull. A particularly large mass seems to have grown either on the top of or inside of the skull, stretching the eyes from their sockets and deforming the jaws. I believe it to be inside the skull as the entire structure of the face seems to have been changed rather than a tumour simply growing on top of the skull, and since we can’t see the rest of the skeletal structure, we can’t tell if there are any more significant skeletal disfigurement.

The last thing I wanted to discuss is the colour, which has gone from the usual to a sickly greenish-yellow. Now yellow fish aren’t uncommon, with xanthophyll being the primary pigment, but given the obviously unhealthy nature of the fish, I don’t think that it’s just the pigments changing. So I did some research and eventually found another likely candidate known as jaundice, which is a condition that occurs when dead red blood cells accumulate in the body due to issues with the liver, causing the skin to turn a rather sickly shade of yellow, and it can occur in fish as well, and it can also be caused by certain kinds of liver cancer, which I’d be surprised if this fish didn’t have.

Mutation #3: Many-Eyed Mackerel

Here we are! The last mutation in this post! Can you feel the excitement? Let’s not dawdle and get right into it!

So unlike the other two, I thought I’d start with discussing the colours instead of the skeletal structure because it doesn’t seem to have changed all that much. The fins, except for the pectoral fins, which seem to be completely gone, and spine are all in basically the same place as the healthy fish and don’t seem to have undergone any specific changes, but the colouration is another matter entirely. The fish looks like a giant, eye covered carrot, which should clue you in on my idea on the matter. Carotene, a pigment most often associated with carrots, but can appear in a ton of other things as well, such as brown algae. It bonds with chlorophyll and allows it to pick up and receive energy from other light sources, basically expanding the range of colours the organism can use for photosynthesis. I don’t think it serves this function in the fish, as fish are not known for their photosynthetic qualities, but it is probably the result of whatever genetic scramblings the magic is doing to these fish, causing these pigments to form in the skin of the animal where there previously was none. 

Eyes are incredibly complicated structures with lots of different parts that all contribute to their function. You have the lens, optic nerve, iris, retina, cornea, and all the muscles that allow the eye to move and contract. This means that the eye begins to form very early in the development of an organism, driven by proteins called morphogens which tell certain undifferentiated cells to turn into specific cells at specific points, and all the eyes in the mutant seem to be fully formed despite their random placement. So that means that the extra eyes would have had to form very early into the fish’s development, probably caused by the disruption of morphogens in the embryo, which caused eyes and their surrounding structures to form sporadically across the fish’s skull.

The eyes also seem much larger than before, compared to both the illustrations and the real life photo. In fact, the one that I believe to be the normal pair of eyes, the top-right pair, seem to have bulged out of their sockets, and the other eyes seem to be in a similar predicament. We can’t know for sure, but it seems like the other eyes have formed with eye sockets of their own, albeit while bulging out of them like the normal pair, but again, we can’t know for sure.

At first I thought that the fish would be unable to absorb oxygen considering that several of the eyes seem to have grown over the the gills, but it’s possible that the eye growth would have spared at least the last gill slit, which would allow the fish to have water pass over their gills and absorb oxygen without the eyes completely compromising the fish’s ability to breathe. Gills are really good at absorbing oxygen and can function pretty well as long as water can pass through, so even if there's some difficulty, it's not as impossible as it seems.

Final words

So now we’re done with this round of fish! I’m not really sure what to put here, it’s not like there’s some scientific conclusion we can draw other than “these fish are fucked up”, which I’m sure you could draw just by looking at them, so I think I’ll just give my closing thoughts.

I really like Dredge. It’s a game which has a lot of great elements which make it fun and rewarding to explore, such as learning about the story and seeing the new fish designs that come with each area, especially as a student myself learning about the sea and the creatures that live there. Each of the designs are beautifully and carefully crafted to fit both sides of the game, and I love going over each one and learning more about both their eldritch, mutated forms with wild changes, and the real world biology that inspired them.

This is the first in a series that will be going over each catchable fish in the main game and the dlcs and analyzing their biology both as real world animals, and as little mutant monsters, and it would be wonderful to share this with anyone who is willing to listen to me ramble on about a horror fishing simulator and its wonderfully creepy inhabitants.

[dreamofmetoday]

PICK A CARD #2: ARE YOU YOUR OWN ENEMY?

this is to address the ways you sabotage yourself - how you hold yourself back and stop yourself from moving forward 💖

story behind the pick a card: *contains spoilers* the book howl's moving castle follows sophie, a woman who is trying to break the curse on her that turned her old. in the end, it turns out sophie was unknowingly keeping the curse placed on herself and could have broken it at any time if she had chosen to. this pick a card is to address how you may be similar to sophie in your own life - how you may be subconsciously choosing to sabotage yourself.

how to participate:

after focusing on the story, ask yourself, "how do i subconsciously choose to hold myself back?" and "how am i subconsciously choosing to sabotage myself?"

choose the photo of sophie you feel most drawn to.

take as long as you need to choose, you can check more than one if you feel drawn to do so. however, if you are having trouble feeling called to any then this pick a card is not for you. these readings will be honest.

tip jar

1. you choose to be afraid of love and intimacy. you make yourself restless and nervous and you constantly run away from people once you believe they’re getting too close (and you need to start being more vulnerable) - even though you secretly desire to have a deep level of connection with someone. this can be with friendship, family or romantically and you may feel quite lonely - easily feeling out of place. it could also mean you feel behind your peers in experiencing intimacy, and it could also mean you are afraid of sex and physical touch. you are choosing to have your walls too high. you may come up with excuses as to why you can’t become intimate with someone, trying to justify it (being too logical) and saying that you have other things to focus on or the timing just isn’t right. experiencing “the one that got away” is a big risk for you if it has not already happened.

2. you choose to not be proactive and let life pass you by. you fail to grasp opportunities because you wait for life to come to you and you don’t work hard. you may fantasise about being rescued romantically, getting rich suddenly, losing a lot of weight or something along these lines. you are constantly in a state of waiting for your life to begin when it has already begun long ago (as if you need the perfect circumstances before you can do anything). you wait and look for signs from the universe that aren’t there which makes you sad in the long run. also, instead of reaching out to others to help you, you remain isolated and mask it as independence which further keeps you stagnated.

3. you choose to not learn from your mistakes or admit you’re wrong. you are afraid of the embarrassment that comes with admitting when your logic is faulty or your choices have been wrong, this makes you overly defensive and prone to repeating patterns that could simply be avoided. you may also be prone to blaming other people for problems that occur in your life when deep down you know when it’s your fault. you may also have the tendency to correct other people and attempt to convince them you’re smarter than you are. this has a chain reaction in your life, you stop yourself from actually learning and you also make yourself increasingly disliked. you need to humble yourself and open yourself to true learning to end your self sabotage.

4. you choose to not take responsibility for your life or yourself. you will do a lot to avoid stressful situations or feelings. you are overwhelmed, you feel there is a huge weight on your shoulders and you just don’t want to think too deeply about responsibilities or having to deal with them. you turn to having fun and quick fixes for peace and happiness - this could be through partying, drinking, sleeping around or getting high. you could also overeat or overindulge in fiction. these habits run the risk of becoming more and more harmful over time, and they stop you from feeling true fulfilment or being able to grow as a person.

5. you choose to be scared (of losing what you have). you have a fear of feeling regretful or that you have wasted your time. you (may subconsciously) feel that if you sort out as many problems now, search as deep as you can for answers, work out how to lay down the correct foundations now etc. then nothing can go wrong later. deep down, you know the truth is that you never fully know yourself, we are constantly learning and we cannot plan for everything. you are so afraid of having bad memories in the future that you make yourself overly fretful and anxious in the present. you need to accept that sometimes life will come at you sideways and no amount of “getting to know yourself” can equal the strength of simply being yourself - some things can only be learnt from experience (and you must experience all emotions).

6. you choose to not have faith (and move on or relax). you lack a trust in life, worrying about all the ways it isn’t fair and feeling anxious about how everything is fleeting and impermanent. you can be so worried about your loved ones that you cannot properly focus on your own life. you may feel guilty about something that has happened that you now feel you don’t deserve to live your life, which is why your mind is constantly preoccupied with everyone else you care about. it’s possible you have suffered a loss that impacted you deeply or that you have a loved one who is unwell or suffering. you sabotage yourself by living a half life, you need to find the balance between living for yourself while maintaining loyalty and keeping fair promises to your loved ones.

7. you choose to not accept where your real home is. you refuse to accept that you don’t belong where you’re trying to. you are forcing yourself to conform to societal or familial pressures to fit in (there’s also a chance you may be in the closet and afraid to come out). there’s genuinely people well-suited to you out there but you refuse to find them (this could also be not following the career you know you want to do). you block yourself from true giving and receiving due to the fear of who you are in combination with wanting to please the people around you.

8. you choose to overcomplicate everything. your most common thoughts are prefaced with “what if” and you have devalued the beauty and fulfilment that can come with simplicity. you can be a jealous person who easily worries about who is and isn’t better than you, who does and doesn’t have what you have etc. you want more than you deserve or you want opportunities and people that aren’t meant for you (and you likely already know this). you could have been a kid who was gifted in school and now you’re somewhere where you’re just considered the same as everyone else or you could have been overshadowed by a new work colleague who started unexpectedly (or surpassed you unexpectedly) - something along these lines, and now you’re envious and upset. you’re so focused on projecting a certain image, or being the “best” or having the “best” that you are not living a life suited to you. you are too busy focusing on another person (or people).

[s1mpadd1ct]

Shang Tsung | Relationship Headcanons | What is he like? | What does he do?

He 100% keeps a picture of you in his work desk at all times, even when Princess Mileena is in for her Tarkat treatment, it’s there. It keeps him motivated to keep working at his best knowing that even though you aren’t there, a memory of you is.

Unlike what people think about him, he isn’t completely evil. People who look from the outside in (Such as Liu Kang) believe that he abuses you both mentally and physically, he forces you at his side, and has you under some sort of obedience spell, but that isn’t true. You see a side of him that no one ever has before. He allows himself to be vulnerable with you, and shows you every part of himself.

Whenever you sit in a chair in his study, or sit anywhere near him, he will randomly just stop whatever he is doing to stand from his chair and make his way over to you, but it isn’t anything direly important to his study of Tarkat, or his elixirs, but simply to hold your face in his hands, cradling it like a prized jewel he collected in the most divine of places. 

He tends to just stare at you, nothing is wrong, he’s only thinking to himself, about you. “Is there something wrong, my love?” “Absolutely not, beautiful. Just admiring the outstanding view.”

Sometimes he asks you to paint his nails, growing up in poverty, he could not afford such pleasures, so now that he can have those little things, with you no less, he adores having you paint his nails or put eyeliner on him for fun.

Hates raspberries for some reason. Absolutely resent them. Will go out of his way to not consume them. Why? He won’t say.

When he has company over for a meeting (Ex. Ermac, Quan Chi, Bi-Han…), IF they say something that intrigues you, he will allow them to stay longer for you and his guest to ramble about said topic, he usually is an in-n-out business man, but whatever makes you happy.

He’ll occasionally read you a book, he’d sit and read you a story about demons, monsters, ancient creatures and myths that were popular when he was a child. “I can’t believe these used to terrify me, can you?” He’d ask. Yet, you might be afraid like his childhood self, or you would nod in agreement and laugh with him.

Shang denies it, but he tends to talk about his mother a lot. Mostly positive, but he remembers the things she had to do just to make sure that he had something to eat everyday, or something to wear when out to get seasonings for what little they could buy for dinner that night. He misses her dearly, and wonders if she would be proud of him if she were alive to see him now.

He is a perfectionist at heart, he freaks out when his potion bottles aren't in color coded order or aren’t in ordered bottle size from smallest to largest. He even has you assist him in making sure that the bottle sizes or colors are in perfect order like he wants.

Shang loves to make you clothes to wear, not specifically for him, per say, but when you do wear the dresses/clothes that he makes for you, it sends him in an infatuated spiral. 

Slow dance central, expect for him to grab you out of nowhere and begin to slow dance with you. It calms his nerves to have your body flush against his in such a romantic way, this has become one of the most common ways to ease his mind after such a long day of work and progress. "I love you."

Decided to finally start writing again, don't know if it is something I'll do more but only time will tell...

[matthiastalksalot]

what is being aromantic? what is being asexual?

i struggled to grasp both for so long, pushing away these parts of my identity with intense denial and a tad bit of misunderstanding.

this is the first of two parts. i talk a lot. enjoy!

CW: discussions of sex

around a year ago, i had gotten into a relationship with a boy whom i cared for deeply. we both had “crushes” on each other around october of 2022. we shared a brief new years kiss, as friends. life moved on. he got a girlfriend. i thought i had a “crush” on my best friend.

then we were roommates for an overnight school choir trip. we did all of the “romantic” things that couples were supposed to do, all the while claiming it was a joke (clarifying point: his girlfriend was well aware of this. she said that i was her boyfriend’s boyfriend).

however, he felt neglected by his girlfriend during this trip, because she wanted to spend more time with her friend group them with him. he was one of two friends of mine, and so i was always around. i helped comfort him when he felt alone. i hung out with him 24/7, having fun during the day and cuddling in our hotel bed at night.

this trip lasted a total of 4 days. we got back on a sunday. that monday, he broke up with his girlfriend. he called me, and i went out at 11pm to be with him and help him through this breakup. despite him initiating it, he was also heartbroken and distraught.

the following two weeks, we had what i would call a “situationship”. we would cuddle, hold hands, talk, hang out constantly. what we couldn’t do? date. because it was moving on too soon.

eventually, we did start dating. we were the most obnoxious PDA couple my high school had ever seen. sitting on each others laps in the cafeteria, holding hands in choir, ect. i even promposed to him by bringing a door to school in the bed of my pickup truck, and asking him out in front of our class.

you may be thinking- how did such a picture perfect relationship fail? there are many awnsers to this question, but the big one? sex.

we hung out after school daily, and the more time that passed, the more comfortable he was with beginning sex and related activities.

to be clear: we never got far. we made out once. we only did it to see if it was better than i thought it would be, as i truly did not have interest. (it was not. spit. ew.) we did a little grinding here and there, and it felt okay. we would do it for a bit, eventually i would be overstimulated, and we would stop. i would immediately turn back to what we had been doing before, which i later learned hurt his feelings.

i do not find it impossible to have the physical feelings that come with sex.

what he taught me was that i lack emotional connection when it comes to sex. to be quite frank, i found his initiation to be disruptive. i just wanted to cuddle and watch a movie, why do we have to hump and suck necks??

when i told him that i thought i may be asexual, he cried. i had been feeling off, not sure what to say. he asked what was wrong, and when i told him, he cried. he asked many questions, such as “why can’t anything ever be simple? my ex only liked my body, now you come along and fulfill all my emotional needs, but aren’t interested? have you been lying when you called me attractive?”

i comforted him. he told me it was okay, we would figure it out. we broke up weeks later. two days before it happened he tweeted “i miss being sexualized by horny men online”. yeah.

my sexuality wasn’t the only reason for our breakup, but it was a large one. despite this, i did not feel truly comfortable calling myself asexual for months following.

after all, i knew what sexual pleasure felts like.

it took me until the following january to accept myself as asexual.

over winter break in college, i got grindr and met up with a 49 year old. he called himself “erik”, although i strongly doubt that is his real name.

we hooked up. i lied to him, pretended i wasn’t a virgin. the entire thing was so awkward. i told him no kissing or anything related to mouths from the start, as i knew i didn’t like it. he held to that, and we had sex. i got off, so did he, but honestly? not quite what it is cracked up to be.

i almost passed out like three times but i didn’t know what it was or wasn’t supposed to be.

something within me changed that night, as i finally understood the difference between feeling and attraction. i do not feel attraction to anyone sexually. not my ex, not the grindr hookup.

i began to identify as asexual.

i still do, but the way i described it then was “i want to keep my sex and romantic relationships separate. because i am not sexually attracted to my partner, it would feel weird to lead them on by having sex.”

now. i am aromantic. how did we get there? story for another day. perhaps later tonight. perhaps tommorow.

it took me years to figure out my asexual identity. there are so so many naysayers, and people who do not believe in it. in situations like that, it is harder to truly find yourself. but i did. and i am sure if you reading this are in a similar spot, you will as well, in due time.

all my love,

mattisaroace

[tscritical]

Hi just another anon here. I find criticizing my favorite stuff fun and interesting so I have a thing to bring up.

The way Thomas interacts very actively and personally with his fan base, incorporates fanon into the content to the point where fanon almost defines the series, and makes content that is very “nurturing” in nature (which is also clearly aimed at a younger audience) creates a perfect storm for unhealthy parasocial connections. I will say that this is partially on him (and his team) maybe? Idk

But also that unhealthy parasocial behavior can take on many forms, like feeing that a person can do no wrong, seeing them as a replacement for real human connection, or even (possibly like you and me right now) obsessively looking for things to criticize about the person/overthinking the things they do. We probably wouldn’t be here criticizing Thomas Sanders in such a detailed fashion at all if we didn’t have at least somewhat of a parasocial connection to him. If we detached ourselves from him we would say “yeah, well he’s a celebrity. I don’t even know him, and he probably goes through stuff that isn’t my business. Lack of content happens, so eh. Celebrities advertise because they want to make money. Thomas Sanders isn’t different, and it is what it is.”

We don’t see Thomas and his crew as a for-profit organization because they fostered that image on purpose. All YouTubers do. A relatable guy who would be your friend, even though celebrities aren’t your friends, and they live a very different existence than regular people (valuing status, image, and money in a way regular people don’t)

I won’t go into detail, but I have a very complicated relationship to sanders sides because of this atmosphere of parasocial relationships that is rampant in the fandom. I found sanders sides when I was in a really difficult place mentally, and it was comforting but I also had a sort of… bad feeling about it? It made me physically anxious for a while and I didn’t know why. A lot has happened in my life since then that I’m still processing so my feelings about this are a bit of a mess.

Idk it’s 3am and I’m rambling. Sorry for the long ask, I had some Thoughts

yeah there’s definitely something to be said about the parasocial aspect of it all, even if i don’t quite have the spoons or brain cells to go into a detailed discussion about it

basically Shit’s Complicated lmao

and you’re so right about the fanon influence, it’s especially obvious in the five year anniversary video (for example: when the sides all declare their roles in the “family dynamic” (patton being the dad, logan being the mom, etc) and perpetuating the idea of family being these strictly defined roles. i have nothing good to say about that shit)

[crazy-grrrl-on-the-computer]

Writer's truth or dare ask: 🕯️, 🎲, and 🦴!

Thank you thank you thank you, Speedy~!!! <3 These questions gave me a lot to think about, so it took me longer than I expected to pull all of my thoughts together. Clearly, those thoughts got LONG, so they’ll go below a cut for convenience~ ^^

Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game

🕯️ On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? Why is that?

Maybe an 8/10. Editing is sometimes exhausting, but I do find it fun!

Throughout my entire childhood, I was always constantly editing and rewriting my more personal work because back then I was a much more prolific writer as I was still learning and honing my skills, convinced that my brain was crafting the best stories that NEEDED to be told (and I was right of course uwu <3). It felt so satisfying to be able to return to a favorite story and go “I can improve this, we have the technology” and raise it up to the next level.

Once I started high school, some friends introduced me to fanfiction.net and convinced me to start writing/posting fanfic on there. Admittedly, I never used to edit my fics much because I was always too excited to get the words out of my brain and share immediately. No time to reread and catch all of my horrendous typos! The world waits for no one! X’D The only exception was if I was writing a birthday fic for my friends (usually a insert ship fic about them and their fictional crushes) because no way was I gonna show up to their party with anything less than my absolute BEST work.

Toward the end of high school, I got more into the habit of writing the stories I personally wanted to read and reread over and over ad nauseam, so I would consistently go back to tweak and improve them even though I never shared (or finished) most of what I wrote. Honestly, that may have been more to my detriment because I was so focused on making it perfect (to me) that I got overambitious and made too much work for myself. ^^’ But I was happy with it and I enjoyed the journey! And that’s what counts!

That also means my hard drive and notebooks hold the meat of old stories just waiting for me to revive them with a slightly different perspective/focus now that I have more experience to shape them with. So, I have finally come full circle and rediscovered that the real fun part of writing and editing is returning to an old piece of writing long after my brain has fully rested and playing around with all of the pieces~ owo

🎲 What stops you from writing more in your free time?

There are many factors that kind of all feed into each other, but mainly I think it’s exhaustion (mental and physical) making it feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to do all of the things I want to do.

🦴 Is there a piece of media that inspires your writing?

At one point in time, I think I might have been able to immediately answer this question with a list of specific examples, but the reality is that I take inspiration from anything and everything that interests me (as we all do!), so I had to contemplate for a while before deciding how I wanted to approach answering it.

Last year, I reread a lot of old writing as I backed up files from my not-so-old-but-still-quite-old desktop and uploaded many outdated fanfics to AO3. During that process, I remembered just how much of my work had been inspired by my favorite books and movies – such as Vampire Kisses, Halloweentown, Hocus Pocus, Scary Godmother, The Little Vampire, and Twitches to name a few.

I have written before about how these types of stories share similar themes of families or found families of outcasts celebrating their individuality in an environment that seems hand-crafted for them, often using Halloween as a time to openly hide in plain sight during a merging of two different worlds (the magical and the mundane) and ultimately fighting for their right to coexist when a closed-minded force threatens to destroy them. There’s also the theme of outcasts who feel displaced in their mundane world discovering another more spooky/magical world that beckons to them, culminating in the characters having to choose which world they truly belong to. Some choose both, some choose spooky/magical, some choose the mundane, but they all come out of it with a deeper understanding of themselves or feeling like they can finally exist freely.

Through the years, I continue to hold these themes close to my heart and find media that speaks to that experience.

I could sit here all day unpacking my relationship with Supernatural, but it basically boils down to the same sort of elements and I clearly never escaped it because it is still very present in so much of my work. Family (the one you choose and the one you’re stuck with), the philosophical question of what actually makes a “monster”, the myriad of ways that being born as a “monster” affects your relationship with yourself and the world around you, feeling like an outsider in a world that you so desperately want to be a part of but struggle to relate to, the process of relearning how to exercise autonomy under the heavy hand of a closed-minded force that would sooner destroy you than see you succeed, the struggle to hide in plain sight for your own safety, and ultimately the desire to fight for your right to exist in a world that wants you dead if you can’t (or won’t) conform. There is so much existential woe and trauma in this bad boy!

Truly there are so many pieces of media that spoke to fundamental parts of my life in very similar ways – The Outsiders, Glee, the Persona series, Doctor Who, The Avengers, BBC Merlin, much of Shakespeare’s work – but if I tried to break them all down this post would be way too long. So, I will leave it at that~ <3

[givethemsmut]

THE PACK | Chapter Eleven

Dylan broke the news to my dad first, securing his role in Teen Wolf was priority. Honestly, if they had to kill him off if he took the role I doubt he would of taken the role at all. But it would be while the show was on hiatus so it worked perfectly. He would pre-filmed scenes just to be on the safe side and I could tell my dad was relieved by Dylan’s soon to be absences.

My dad turned to me after Dylan’s news and asked when my flight out was. The complete opposite of what I expected or prepared for.

“What do you mean?” I questioned him with my entire expression confused.

“Aren’t you going with Dylan?”

I could see Dylan get smitten and the eyebrow raising out of the corner of my eye, “I have school and getting the house to a livable state…”

“Wow! You two separated for months! You’ll both get so much done without being attached.” Every ounce of sarcasm was embodied into a calm man I knew as my father. None of it made sense.

“Not the position I thought you’d take, Father…”

“There’s no point in trying to separate you two. It’s not Romeo and Juliet. Besides O’Brien and I had a lovely heart to heart.” Shifting his attention back to his computer he nearly concluded the conversation.

“Oh, did you? And what did this entail?”

“He couldn’t do his sex scene in front of you? Doesn’t that given you enough insight Peanut?”

My dad walked away all ominous and I was left looking at Dylan wondering what he had said. “Even your dad wants you to come with me. Come on. It’s a few months.”

Two weeks of breaking me down I had a suitcase packed for Georgia with zero questions asked. I put my life on hold just to not have to live through the separation.

The studio put the entire cast in apartments in some huge building and close to the studio for convenience. The loft was more than acceptable, they wanted to impress them, with luxury but I knew better to see through it.

Dylan was constantly walking around the loft working his lines and working on his body language. Seeing Dylan work, how hard he worked to build the same bond on this set as Teen Wolf made me really respect him. The whole cast was unique, young like Teen Wolf and funny but nothing seemed exactly the same.

During the day I would explore on my own, which normally meant shop. At night I worked on sending my homework to my instructors so I could keep up.

There wasn’t as many night shoots as Teen Wolf and having normal day hours almost felt crazy. We grew so much closer faster being all we had, I felt like I knew everything about him in days.

Dates felt different here.

I would get ready for hours making sure my make up and outfit was perfect when in LA dates seemed much more casual. So many people ran through dates or even had day dates because the weather was nice enough to.

I was already finishing my hair when Dylan texted me, “On my way back.” Set was a 10 minute walk and yet he still sounded out of breath when he came through the door.

Immediately pulling his shirt off his head as I peered through our bathroom at every toned muscle. “I ran here, let me just shower off.”

He was in great shape for this role. It was a lot more depended on physical stunts than Stiles in Teen Wolf. He came over to me, bending down just enough to kiss my head. “Damn. You look beautiful.”

My cheeks hurt from smiling while we both got done getting ready. Dylan was damn near perfect and I was almost waiting for the other shoe to drop.

We headed to some pub that had all the sports game, gourmet foods and still classy enough for a date. We did date night every Friday, Wednesday I would FaceTime Alex and Monday I would make sure to talk to my dad.

We had too much fun watching the game, I really just watched him watch the game, and over consumed beer. Dylan was on beer number 4 cheering for his team when I went to the bathroom. On my way back to our booth a guy stood up stopping me. “Hey, can I buy you drink? You look amazing.”

I politely declined but that didn’t stop him, most likely drunk. “Are you new around him? Mostly locals come to this bar.”

Dylan immediately hurried by my side, telling him nicely, “Hey, man, she’s with me.”

The guy turned towards his boys, “You sure man? She seems a little out of your league.”

Dylan drank the rest of his beer before turning towards him again – I interrupted before he said anything, “Hey. Babe. Let’s get out of here.”

He put his arm around me, “Yeah babe. She seems pretty satisfied, huh, bro? She’s gonna come home with me but don’t worry I’ll channel my inner frat boy when I fuck her tonight.” The guy didn’t say anything else out of anger as Dylan tossed a crisp $100 on the table before we headed out.

We both decided to walk to the hotel considering we both had way too much to drink. He didn’t stumble but he certainly wasn’t sober. Our Friday’s normally involved him drinking but I’m just glad he avoided a fight with some stranger. I’m sure the studio wouldn’t love that.

He opened another beer back at the apartment and I slipped out my heels. I looked at him and he asked, “What?”

I smiled, “Thank you for defending me but you know that stuff doesn’t bother me. He’s just some drunk guy at a bar.”

Dylan came around the island and boxing me in, I could smell beer on his lips. He said to me, “I can appreciate guys being attracted to you but not hitting on my girl in front of me.”

I touched his chest with my hands, “It is date night… no work… no homework…”

Dylan smirked, “Oh is there something you want to do?”

He leaned into me putting his beer down behind me on the counter as he whispered into my neck, “I know what you want.” He touched himself, outlining himself in his pants for me to see.

Kissing his lips before saying, “I love our bubble. No one walks in on us or has anything to say about us. We can be as loud as we want.”

Dylan’s tongue danced with mine before he whispered, “Go take off your clothes.” We made it last, slow and steady making sure to enjoy our bubble.

There wasn’t a sex scene but Maze Runner has kissing scenes. I had only seen the cast in passing so far. Dylan would be on set Monday through Friday, 6 AM to 5 PM and I was typically in our apartment or getting my own stuff done. I met them the first night but it amounted to a wave.

The director told Dylan they needed to prep the scene the night before and asked him if was okay to do it at his place instead of staying late on set. I told Dylan I’d just hide out in our room or take a bath while he worked.

I was immediately jealous seeing how she looked at him before they even started. Her hand touched his arm as they sat on the couch. Dylan’s script was all marked up and like he hadn’t put it down for months with the pages no longer perfectly straight anymore.

I was putting my fruit in the bowl and grabbing a water before leaving the area when Dylan came over, “Hey. You cool with this?”

My eyes squinted at him, “I don’t love when anyone kisses you beside me. But it’s your job.”

His hand touched my face and we slowly kissed once before we pulled away but he pulled us together again kissing me again. He whispered in my ear, “Now she’ll taste you.”

I smiled at his slickness as I left the area. I heard the director say, “That’s your girlfriend? Isn’t that Jeff’s kid? Teen Wolf’s producer?” Dylan nodded before he sat down next to her and his director said, “Wow. She grew up. Damn.”

Dylan took a minuet to shake his comment off and get in the mind set of Thomas before they exchanged lines. I heard their lips touch and the breathing catching in his throat as he sold the character’s feelings. He was an emotional actor but that’s why he’s talented.

They kissed over and over again for an hour. The same few scenes and lines before I felt like getting even.

I got undressed and put my silk robe on as I walked through putting my bowl in the sink. I was naked under my peach colored robe that hung against my body.

I watched her touched his neck, moving closer to him, into it before he caught me out of the corner of his eye. He excused himself, “What are you doing baby. This thing is practically see through.”

“Is it?” I tried to conceal my smirk damn well knowing my hard nipples were scrapping the material.

He told them both he’d be right back as he nearly dragged me back to our room, “Are you trying to intimidate her? It’s just work. It’s not even as bad as teen wolf. Plus she’s married.”

I responded in a loud whisper, “I see how she looks at you, Dylan. That’s attraction.”

“It’s acting babe. I do the same thing with Holland and Shelley.”

I untied my robe, “It’s different. I’m a woman, I know.”

He sat on the bed pulling the ties, pulling me into him, “I don’t care about her. You think I wanna fuck other girls? I can’t even watch you getting undressed without getting hard. I mean, fuck, baby.”

Grabbing my hips as I stood between his legs nearly naked as my robe fell open even more. Fisting the robe’s tie he pulled me almost flush to his body.

I hadn’t thought about him not fucking me, right here and now, making sure she could hear him wanting me. I hadn’t thought about him going back out there hard.

My palm collided with the hard ridge in his jeans when he stifled a breath. “Dyl,” I whimpered his name like it was going to solve the problem.

“I can’t baby. Fuckkk.”

“I can be quiet…” I teased before I straddled his lap. My arms wrapped around his neck, my hips swaying without my permission and I could tell by the way he was avoiding looking at me that he was on the edge of breaking.

The grip of his hands around my hips tightened, “My boss is right outside this room. It’s not like back home. I don’t want to go back a failure, ya know? I want to prove them right, that I have what it takes.”

Falling to the bed next to him I pulled my robe closed and watched him contemplate leaving. “It’s okay, babe. After you’re done. I don’t trust her but I trust you.”

Leaving the room I heard him apologize and cover up our behavior by telling them all about our honeymoon phase. He was always making me laugh.

His cast mates were so diverse, from different places and different backgrounds. Most of Teen Wolf was stationed in LA and all signed onto the show very young. They had a very close relationship from the start. They were essentially all in the same place of life, first big break.

The female lead of Maze Runner was young but married and had been acting her whole life. His best friend in the film was British, wealthy family and successful on Broadway. He gave off a very cool vibe. Dylan loved meeting the new cast but he really had the same feel as Teen Wolf, he made them a family.

Georgia was beautiful but we mostly just got in trouble like spring break, how teenagers went crazy with one ounce of freedom. Dylan consumed so much alcohol and weed, as much as he could if he wasn’t filming the next day. I indulged in wine but mostly I kept myself sober.

Dylan even sent me scandalous photos from his dressing room when he missed me. Sometimes videos when he had down time. We were using condoms after the first month of not being able to keep off each other. That was one talk we had early on being in Georgia. I had put a box on the counter and it triggered a talk.

He sighed loudly, “I know. We need to use these more. We’ve been having a lot more sex.” I just laughed without saying a word more.

We only had a couple more weeks here. Mostly he was doing stunts or scenes that needed reshoots at this point. We wanted to commemorate our time here somehow but we had been talking all week about what that could be. I was laying in bed finishing school work when he laid down next to me, “I know what we can do.”

I asked him what but instead we started kissing. Those innocent kisses turned into our tongues touching, his body pushed on top of mine and his hands caressed my chest and hips. He stopped to pull out his phone and my eyes went wide, “Hey! Mister.”

He told me hold on as he leaned over my body to put his phone on the night stand propped against lamp before kissing me again.

���I wanna keep this moment forever. I want one on film I’m proud of. Come on baby.” I leaned up as he encouraged my tank top off. My nipples immediately became hard against his chest.

I whispered against his lips, “Dylan. I’m not some actress. I don’t know what looks good.”

His fingers graze over my hard nipples. He kissed down my chest to my nipples, “I don’t want some actress. I want you. Pretend it isn’t there.”

He took off shirt as his body pulled away from mine. My hands ran down his chest admiring his body. His hands tugged the boxers of his I was wearing down my legs smirking. “These mine?”

I only giggled as he tossed them aside. My legs squirmed watching him undo his pants before he leaned back over me while pushing them down. We continued making out while our hips flirted and we both breathed heavily.

I couldn’t help moan when I felt how big he was inside me. He kept pushing until he laid down helping my hips ride his lap. He ended up on top of me again before we both came. We both watched each other cum at the same time as he kept pushing between my legs.

After we came I went pee while Dylan cleaned himself up at the same time. He watched what we recorded, “Damn. We look good. Check this out. I love your tits babe.”

Dylan and the cast finished filming and had their goodbyes on set but the studio arranged a wrap party. After the wrap celebration which included a cake congratulating everyone’s hard work our flight would leave at 2 PM and we’d make it home by 8 PM.

I was proud of Dylan, most of the Teen Wolf cast went on vacation or relaxed not picked up more work. We both fell asleep on the plane against each other and our best friends picked us up which I was surprised they made it a few months still “dating” or whatever they were calling it. Neither of them were exclusive but still having sex, so complicated.

Us girls sat in the back “listening” to the guys talk about Maze Runner and his experience beyond Teen Wolf. I texted Alex, “Do you wanna be his girlfriend?” She texted me back, “I like him. The sex is great. Neither of us are girlfriend/boyfriend type. I’m sure I’m one of many.” Alex told me to get it together and stop worrying about that because they had a surprise waiting.

I turned to Dylan and he had no idea either. We pulled up to my new place and I told Alex it wasn’t ready at all to visit but Tyler kept driving up the drive way. I left our bags in the car wondering what they were up to as Alex pushed the door open to a fully decorated home. I was shocked.

“Figured you’d need some help and who knows you better then me? Of course I left your room but I took the guest room. You needed a roomie for when Mr. O’Brien isn’t free. Now for you Dylan…”

She pushed the French doors that lead to the backyard open, all of Teen Wolf and our friends were there. Dylan was beyond excited. He shouted everyone was doing a shot. It didn’t take long for Dylan to be dancing and downing some alcohol. I figured I had to catch up and drank more Rosé.

Dylan was socializing with his cast mates and talking about Teen Wolf picking back up in two weeks while I told Alex everything about Georgia.

Brody showed up in my eye line forcing me up from the chair by the pool. I looked at Alex while she seemed confused to why he was there too.

“Hey, neighbor. Brought you your favorite wine.”

I pivot to face the voice behind me and freeze up, “Brody. What are you doing here?”