#the person going “i actually havent seen any of it” in the background... i am exploding you in my mind

[amvguy]

i feel so crazy i need to start pacing i cant believe i have to wait another like 2 hrs for a video thats like actually watchable I DONT CARE THAT IWTV S2 TEASER HAPPENED TO YOU IT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED TO ME

[shreddeddescent]

Oh don't apologize about writing this, we are literally reading it too! I find the story interesting and like, yeah it is fucked up, but I'm having fun reading it too 💪💪💪

Also, how does Mikey feel about all this? I was thinking about that because he likes to deny the has 'adult problems' like you said, so I am really wondering about how he's dealing with all that is happening

🌠👾

ughhhh god...... the mikey can of worms about this specifically is exactly what that was about and whats been really tough to talk about. like this specific scene was what i had to get up and walk away from cuz it was painful.

he's not okay. he also doesnt care about it, cuz hes like... ugh you know what. i think i should actually just share this whole thing i wrote about it. this one is rough. nothing graphic, but if you wanna see how fucking not okay this kid is despite how much he's pretending he can be? yeah. hes gonna talk about his bullshit for the first time ever, and something bad had happened to mikey before. and he doesnt even know what.

which is like where i think the whole climax of this arch is going in my head. i havent written it all out yet. im being tugged along on a journey, yknow.

warnings for csa and incest and like. very poor coping mechanisms. all of it this one hurt me personally the most in the end.

theres some implications of things going on in the background, cuz at this exact moment none of the characters have been coping well hence the fucking.... need for these adults. raph needed to be alone to spiral about the 3 kids by himself, leo needed to be put to bed (by mikey) cuz he got way too high after realizing how much he'd been personally juggling everybody else, and donnie wont mind his buisness about anything, mikey had a go at him about it which resulted in him trying to help mikey with his current 'im having traumatic sex dreams' problem. but donnie is the same age and wasnt gonna be able to help much.

if any of it sounds confusing im sorry. id try and do a whole. fic thing about it but i really dont know if i can. whats important here is the mikey part. cuz this is where it all came to a head.

also mentions of lita, whos raph's little alter. the one that was only ever around for shredder. until recently

--

Mikey was glad that Donnie seemed better when he left the bathroom. He seemed to have been spiralling about whatever was going on between Leo and Raph.

He was pretty sure the idea of sex repulsed his twin, despite his attempts to explain it to him. He was a good brother. But it really wasn’t worth worrying about if Raph and Leo needed to be away from each other. It was weird he cared.

Donnie cared about too many fucking things.

Mikey had spent an extra long time in the bathroom, thinking over if he felt any attraction like Donnie said. He’d thought about exploring his body, but the idea reminded him of Raph. He really didn’t want it to but it did. The first time he’d seen his own penis was when it was forced into his sleeping brother.

His brother who felt like his mom.

It fucking broke something inside of him. He was trying like hell to be the baby Raph needed, to be okay for him, so he wouldn’t make Raph worse. But in the back of his mind he did know he wasn’t okay. And maybe he was just age regressing to cope. Maybe he was only getting angry at everyone cuz he couldn’t help the age regressing.

It was easy to feel like a baby when you were so malnourished as a child that you looked way younger than you should. Father had seen to that. He didn’t take care of him and then blamed Raph for his condition. And maybe he just didn’t want Raph to feel bad about it anymore.

And he had recently remembered.. something. Childhood Raph who wasn’t Raph. Raph leaving crying, coming back Lita and not crying. And… Lita apologizing for something.

The rest was a mystery. A mystery he’d thought he might be able to uncover in therapy with Big Mama, but now?! Now there was this whole… situation!

So he was just sitting with Donnie quietly, watching dumb shit on YouTube. Ignoring his feelings.

They’d seen Leo very not so subtly leave his room. He still stunk. He walked funny and airheaded, but as long as he wasn’t gonna bother Raph, who cared where he went.

…Mikey cared a little. And he was the only one who saw how much weed he’d smoked.

So after about 5 minutes he sighed and felt the need to get up and see if he could find him.

He went out in his red hoodie and some fresh sweatpants, it was night time and maybe he went outside.

He wandered the hall and felt that vertigo feeling again. He hated it, he didn't feel present. Made him think of the drugs from the cages. The drugs he’d been extra pumped full of for being good at fighting them off. That made it worse.

He rested against the wall for a moment and rubbed his eyes.

“Hey, little man.”

He blinked and looked up. It wasn’t Leo.

Jennika was there, in a loose white shirt and cargo pants. She got down into a squat in front of him and smiled.

“Are you okay?”

He felt like maybe he was standing on a fault line.

“Sorry… I’m kinda queasy…” he mumbled.

She eyed the place he was standing and gently gripped his shoulders, tugging him about 3 feet to the left.

The feeling faded and he sighed out in relief.

“Better?”

“Yeah..” he took a deep breath and stood up straight, smiling at her. “You’re…. I know who you are now.”

She stood at her full height and rubbed the back of her neck.

“Yeah… sorry I was uh… lying before. I guess I wasn’t really lying? But you know.”

He nodded slowly and smiled. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to find you. You seemed kinda.. not okay?”

Mikey laughed and shook his head. “Nah! I’m good! I’m fine, I’m just looking for Leo, he’s the one who’s not good.”

“Leo’s alright. I saw him earlier. Kirby’s kinda.. talking him down from his high I think.”

“Oh! Wow! Kirby’s talking to Leo?” He smiled up at her, that was exciting. He knew Leo seemed upset about being ignored by his…. Son. “That’s good. I think that’s good for him.”

She nodded and held out her hand. “Do you wanna walk somewhere? These walls are so… migraine city.”

Mikey looked up at her curiously and beamed. “Sure!” He took her hand and squeezed it softly.

She squeezed back and they walked to the elevator together. He noticed when she was inside there were more buttons and she pushed one.

She seemed a little shy so he tugged on her arm. She looked down at him curiously.

“Can I call you Jenny? Or is Jennika better?”

“You can call me whatever you want, I don’t mind.”

“Raph said you're trans like him. So that means you probably chose your own name, right? I mean... he didn’t. Cuz he’s.. his situation’s weird, but am I right?”

She blinked and smiled softly.

“Yeah.. I did. Is it… a cool name?”

“Yeah! So if you chose it that makes it extra important, so I wanna make sure I say it how you want it said. Jen-nick-kah. I like it!”

She took in an audibly shaky breath and looked back at the buttons.

“Th…thanks Mikey…”

He squeezed her hand.

“I uh… I don’t think you’re looking at me for like… ugh.. dad approval. But like, you seem cool.”

She smiled and laughed a little. “No, I’m definitely not, but thanks. I feel a little.. weird to be honest. But I hope we can clear the air?”

He smiled up at her genuinely and nodded. “I’d like that.”

The elevator doors opened into a lobby Mikey hadn’t seen before. They’d been portaled from the city straight into Big Mama’s office. This was an actual entrance.

And… it was a button they got blocked from pressing? He’d need to think about that later.

Jennika walked with him out of the building and Mikey came into contact with a whole other world. They were in a courtyard of sorts, a city street across from them. The sky was pitch black, because it wasn’t a sky, it was high dark cave walls that stretched beyond what he could see. There were floating crystals for street lamps lighting the streets.

The streets were full of yokai, going about their days. Shopping at storefronts of magic and mundane. It seemed busy. It seemed normal.

He stopped in his tracks and Jennika turned to look at him worriedly.

“Are you okay?”

“W-where…” He kept staring over at the street. There were weird chariots for cars, and creatures flying above his head.

This wasn’t New York City. 

She seemed to realize what was wrong and her eyes widened. “Oh! You’ve.. never been to the Hidden City. Oh shit. This was stupid Kirby’s gonna kill me.”

Mikey stumbled back into a fountain in the courtyard and sat on it. He looked behind him and he could see the exterior of the hotel for the first time.

A skyscraper that existed underground, he couldn’t even see the top because of how dark it was up there.

He rubbed his temples and closed his eyes, taking deep breaths.

“Mikey are you okay?!” She sat down beside him and put her hand on his shell.

“I… yeah.. it’s just a lot…” he didn’t open his eyes but he did lean into her. “I don’t get out much, I guess. I’d be more excited if it hadn’t been… a day.”

He might have been letting his very well crafted facade slip.

She rubbed his shell. “I just thought we could go get some ice cream and talk it out. I thought maybe the hotel was a dumb place to talk, but maybe that’s my bad… I didn’t think about how weird this would be, I’m sorry.”

He looked up at her. She looked anxious and guilty.

So he thought about what she’d just asked and blinked up at her.

“Hidden city has ice cream? Like somewhere I could try every flavour? Cuz we fit in down here?!” He asked excitedly.

Her eyes widened and she beamed. “Yeah! That’s exactly what I was tryina do!”

He jumped up and tugged her arm.

“Show me! Show me show me!”

She grinned and stood up, jogging with him down the street.

He was laughing as they ran goofily down the street. People were staring but not because they were freaks, just cuz they were having fun.

They found a storefront for ice cream and there was a many armed person at the till. Jennika boldly asked for two samples of every flavour and it earned a very annoyed look from the clerk. She slid some kind of hidden city money over with an apologetic smile to make it worth their time which cheered them up.

There was some weird flavours in there he’d never heard of. Some sounded like fruits that didn’t exist, others were weirdly goopy or fleshy in nature. One even made them breathe fire, it was fun. They had a laugh.

By the time they’d tried everything Mikey was given some kind of mix of 5 flavours in a bowl with a spoon, and Jennika got the same.

So they walked down the street eating ice cream together. Like they were normal people having a normal outing.

It was so weird how normal it felt.

She showed him a park to walk through, the trees and plants were purple instead of green which was cool.

They sat down at a bench facing a glowing green lake to sit and eat. It was peaceful. He liked it.

“So how are you?” She finally asked, scooping ice cream in her mouth.

“Kinda confused. You’re really nice and cool, but like… you’re.. you know. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel… like, I feel kinda silly? But also.. feel kinda bad?” He was squishing the ice cream together, mixing the colours absentmindedly in the bowl.

She hummed and swallowed back her current bite, placing the bowl down beside her. “I can tell you how I see it. Which is that you’re like.. a brother. Like I know where I come from, but you’re just a kid, and you’re a kid on your own and that makes me sad, and I feel like I’m standing right here in front of you with like.. I dunno, open ears. No that’s not the phrase..” she tapped her chin as she tried to think.

Mikey looked up at her curiously. “Open arms?”

She snapped her fingers and grinned down at him. “Yeah! Open arms. I know it’s weird. I'm not trying to make you feel weird, I just wanna listen if you need someone.”

He looked down at his bowl and took a small bite. He wasn’t sure how well some of this went together but he liked it all the same. A big fucked up hodgepodge of deliciousness.

“I… don’t want you to feel weird. Maybe I’m hoping we’re just gonna be a big family with ease and nobodies gonna have any problems anymore and I can just be normal and not worry anymore.”

She smiled sadly and bumped his arm with hers.

“I’d like to be a family like that, but I think it won’t be so easy. And that’s okay. I wanna put work in, we all do. I think it’s worth a try, and I’m kinda old enough that I can handle whatever you wanna throw at me.”

He glared at the lake with a tired look in his eye. “Just cuz you’re old doesn’t make you able to handle stuff. Old people never handle stuff good as far as I’ve seen. I guess that’s not fair… I just think I’ve seen my brothers get hurt over and over cuz people don’t care how they come off to us. Cuz Shredder treated us like animals, and Splinter…” he sighed. That was a whole can of worms. “She’s old, and yet she felt more emotionally stupid than everybody else. Than her own kids.”

He blinked and realized he’d been talking a bunch and looked up at her. She was just watching him with a sad look.

“Sorry. I’m fine. Thanks for the ice cream, it's good!” He put his happy voice back on and shoved more in his mouth. He thought about how much he could fit at once before swallowing so he took bigger bites. 

“I’m… sorry your mom wasn’t good to you. I’m extra sorry your dad was…” she sighed. “I guess adults really let you down a lot. I’m sorry.”

He shrugged and swallowed back his huge mouthful of ice cream. And then he felt the brain freeze and cupped his head. “Auuuugh there it is! Brain freeze!”

She hummed a laugh and rubbed his shell. “You’re trying to avoid talking. You wanna seem like a happy normal kid don’t you? You’re putting on an act.”

That hurt more than the brain freeze.

He groaned and kept holding his head as it passed, she was holding him to distract from the hurt in his brain.

“How do you know I’m acting! Maybe I’m just immature!”

“Maybe. But maybe you know you’re hurting and you don’t wanna make it my problem for some reason.”

He furrowed his brow and looked away.

“Is it cuz you think I’m like your kid? Cuz really… I really don’t see me like that Mikey…”

“No, it’s not that..” he sighed. He wasn’t sure what it was. He’d been able to talk to Donnie, he’d wanted to talk to Leo. But Jennika was actually asking him how he felt and he could only sit there thinking of ways to seem like he was a baby again. Ways to try and seem normal, like a good kid brother who makes her want to take care of him normally, so he wouldn’t scare her off, or traumatize her!

Oh…

“It’s cuz you make me think of Raph…”

She took a deep breath and nodded knowingly, sighing.

“You don’t talk to him about how you feel. You just go baby made. So you wanna do that with me too.”

“I’m sorry… I’ve got issues. People think I don’t but…” he sighed. “I don’t know..”

She patted his back. “I'm not Raph. I’m not your mom. I’m your cooool big sister! And I know you’ve got issues, I’m open, I’m here. Hit me.”

He looked up at her nervously.

“I…” he looked around. It was really empty here. He decided to lay his head in her lap. “Is this okay..?”

He felt her hand gently stroke his head. “Yeah, that’s okay..”

He took a few deep breaths. “I keep thinking about the cages… about.. what happened. I’m really embarrassed about it, and ashamed of myself… it’s stupid cuz I know it’s not my fault, but the.. specifics of what hurt me was all related to this..” he sighed and closed his eyes. “Weird relationship I have with him, where I try to let him be my mom cuz I never had one. And maybe it’s cuz he’s female and I imprinted on him as a baby, or maybe it’s just cuz I was so small and he was so worried about me.. but the… the mixing of these two things in my head, the 'mama Raph' and the fact I….” He felt tears rolling down his cheeks and he sobbed audibly. It was getting uncontrollable.

She just rubbed his head. He heard her sniff but didn’t look up. He just let her pet him and tried to collect himself.

“I-I’m sorry, I don’t… know what to do, I know you’re not… but I’d never even seen my body before my dad made me use it against my will, a-and so I’m just.. b-back to baby mode, h-hoping I never grow up and have to think about it again…”

“God… Mikey I’m fucking sorry, that sounds like so much…” she was probably crying but kept petting him. He wasn’t sure how to respond now. “I… I think it sounds like you know you shouldn’t do that. That you’re like… pushing stuff down to make yourself seem okay. I think maybe you wanna be worried about normally just so you feel normal, maybe that’s why you’re acting like that…” he chanced a look up at her. She might have looked like him, but the way she was crying over him made her look like Raph. So he was crying in her lap quietly.

He looked away and clutched the fabric of her pants. “I’m.. not trying to act out… I just really don’t want these grown up problems, I-I wanna worry about stupid stuff, n-not wake up with my thing out cuz I h-had a nightmare…”

She took a deep shaky breath and blew it out slowly. “We don’t get to choose to not grow up. I know why you want to? But look at me. If I could have stayed a kid forever I probably would have. I hated puberty. Being a grown up sucks. But you can’t stop it. And you’ve gotten forced into the worst thing, but it doesn’t make you grown up, it just.. means you have to deal with something complicated. I... think ignoring that kinda problem won’t make it go away, and if you need to talk to someone about.. all that gross complicated stuff you’re scared of, I’m here. I’ve had lots of weird feelings over the years, going from like.. weapon to person, boy to girl.. you can tell me more if you want. Maybe I’ll get it.”

Mikey sat up and wiped his eyes. “I.. I haven’t even been asking about you, I’m so sorry Jennika…”

She smiled sadly and draped her arm over his shoulder, pulling him close and giving him a gentle shake. “No, it’s fine! You’re having a bad day. I wanna help with that, don’t worry about me at all.”

He looked up at her sadly, pressing his head against her chest.

“I-it’s weird.. if I’m not your dad, that probably means Raph’s not your mom right..?”

She sighed and looked at the lake. “No… he’s not. It’s kinda complicated, cuz there’s a piece of my heart that still.. I dunno, craves a mom? So that’s why I was so weird when he called me beautiful… but he’s not, he’s my brother just like you are.”

He looked over at the lake. “Is it weird that I think of him as my mom..?”

“No… Not at all, I get it. He’s been your caretaker, and he likes doing that.”

Mikey nodded slowly. “Then.. you get why its… fucking with my head that I’ll dream about the cage, and wake up like that.. why I feel sick to my stomach about it…”

“God, yeah I get that… I would be scared.”

“And I can’t cry to him about it, cuz it’s about him…”

She nodded slowly. “And that would make it worse.. yeah. I’m sorry Mikey…” she rubbed his shoulder. “Okay.. so this will be weird no matter what, but like.. you had the bird and bees talk? And any other talks about your body and stuff..?”

He looked up at her and shrugged sadly. “How much talk needed? We already made you.. think I get where babies come from…”

She looked down at him sadly and then gently rubbed his head. “Oh.. buddy that doesn’t mean you know everything. Did Splinter never…?”

He looked away. “Maybe she tried. Maybe I ran away. I don’t know, I don’t remember…”

She nodded and kept rubbing his head. “Okay. Let’s jump past babies and stuff. I think what you’re describing is like a sex dream, and it’s one you’re having cuz you got forced into it. A trauma dream, making you relive the only time you’ve ever felt arousal. You can’t control it, it's not your fault, it’s a natural response. It doesn’t mean you actually feel aroused by Raph, that you actually want him like that. It’s… ugh I’m sorry. Consent is a better place to maybe start this. Consent and body autonomy and finding a partner you trust…?” She shifted a little.

He looked up. She seemed a little frustrated that she couldn’t find the words.

He sighed and idly squeezed her knee. “I know what you’re trying to say. That I was raped. That I raped Raph but I didn’t, that he raped me but he didnt… dad raped us. Used us to rape each other. I… I know that.”

She looked down at him sadly, clearly sad about how much he was using the word. But he should be allowed to say it over and over again!

“Yeah…”

“I’m too young for sex. I don’t want a sex partner or whatever. I don’t want to have to worry about that, but I’m scared that I’m…” he keeled over and started crying out of nowhere. “I-I think maybe when I was little dad raped me too..? W-when Lita.. I-I can’t remember it… sh-she said I saw something I w-wasn’t supposed to… sh-she seemed so fucking sorry… a-and that’s all I’ve been thinking about for a week… a-and nobody cares!”

Jennika gently shook him and she was crying too. “I care! Fuck Mikey I care so much, I’m so fucking sorry!”

“E-everyone’s been tiptoeing around it! L-like around Raph! A-and maybe I wanted to go to therapy and talk about it! T-talk to Lita! Get more information! B-but there was the… th-the YOU situation! A-and he was traumatized enough! A-and now Big Mama is evil and I-I can’t!”

She took a deep shaky break and wrapped her arms around him and pulled him in her lap for a hug. He let her as he sobbed against her chest. “We don’t need her to do that. We can figure it out without her, we can find ways of dealing with it. God Mikey you’ve been so fucking… I’m sorry. Everything is so fucked up but I fucking promise you that’s my priority okay? We’re gonna help you with that.”

Mikey was clinging to her shirt and sobbing into it. He nodded miserably as he cried. “I-I’m sorry.. I-I keep forgetting t-to bring it up c-cuz I only I-learned about it when y-you were b-born! B-but that was like a week ago! A-and that’s its whole own thing! A-and I’m too fucked up t-to think about it!”

She held him tight and pressed her head against his.

“Fuck… you’ve been keeping so much in there…” She pulled back to cup his cheeks in her hands and smile determined at him, tears still freely falling down her face. He sniffled and shook as he looked back at her. “You don’t need to worry about any of this other stuff. No villains no brothers no fucking weird turtles coming back from the future. Your priority is Mikey. And so’s mine. We’re gonna figure it out. You and me. We’re gonna talk it out one step at a time together. Anything you fucking need I’m here, okay?”

He put his hands on hers, he was struggling to breathe through the crying. This wasn’t his usual crying, he felt fucking broken. His whole body hurt from how hard he was crying.

And it felt good. To fucking scream and yell and cry about how miserable he REALLY was, and to feel seen for it. To feel cared for about it.

So he shakily nodded and kept crying in her face.

She held him again. This wasn’t like how Raph would make him feel at all, this wasn’t a mom thing. This wasn’t a ‘push my feelings down and pretend you’re normal’ upset thing. This was just a sibling really fucking seeing him and letting him be as big of a wreck as he needed. Someone he wasn’t scared of making the problems worse of.

Maybe she was exactly what he needed right now.

[upsidedowngrass]

reading your and jaspers posts about bryce with silent admiration because im too scared to contribute but i really love bryce so much hes my girlfriend and my husband and i like hearing u guys talk about him because youre Right. especially as someone who struggled from grief and trauma and being abused i think bryce's case interests me more than any of the other characters (even though liam is my favorite, and it says a lot because i find all of them interesting) because there is so much to him. i doubt he has processed a single thing about what happened. i think stellas death was recent too honestly, within the last few years at least, and he copes by... not coping. burying himself in work and drinking in the hopes to forget about it. not even to mention the fact that in episode 7 it showed him driving home drunk personally i feel he was past the point of caring to the point of engaging in risky/dangerous behaviors (this speaks for itself, i dont think i need to say why). i think that the plane impacted him so much that within those 7 months after leaving he got his shit together. i cant speak for if hes totally sober or not but at the very least he doesn't drink as much as he used to and i doubt he's putting himself in danger anymore. to be honest i think bryce is one of the characters who has changed the most because of the plane, which makes him being rejoined all the more interesting to me. im probably just making shit up but i like to read into it a little more than "bryce and liam were getting along but now theyre separated and liam has to fix it oh no". sorry this ask is kind of word vomit im not in the headspace to tidy it up but i hope you get what i mean

i think if one had continued for longer than it did it would have been interesting to explore bryce finally accepting and coming to terms with his past (him not seeing his childhood home in the wr anymore kind of representing this). i love bryce and he deserves to heal

TY!!!!!!! im glad my thoughts warrant admiration to you :D!!!!!!!!!!! (i will say tho that every time uve ever posted YOURE thoughts i am like ohhhhh.... ur SO RIGHT. i think u have some of the BEST interpretations of the one characters ive seen!!!!!)

(talked SOOO so much .so there is a readmore :) )

brcye really IS such an interesting character???? ik ive said it before but i AM biased towards protagonists so i usually focus on liam but like ...... bryce really IS probably one of the more. indepth ? characters in one in terms of like. background and how he Acts. i think ALL of teh characters are written really incredibly but i think, given how much of his bg is clarified (esp in contrast with how little is shown of the other characters lives pre-one) his motives, personality, emotions all end up being SUPER super elaborate and i REALLY love how he was written ??

(that said i think the reason he IS elaborated on sm is bc like. one doesnt elaborate on character backgrounds like MOST of the time. even charlotte is mostly left up to interpretation, bc one is more about the HOW people respond rather than WHAT made them respond that way. but charlotte and bryce are both outliers, and bryce ESPECIALLY so. because both obviously have Things they havent worked through properly, but bryce is directly just. Living in it. its the fact that he WONT acknowledge the actual Things that hapepned enough to heal that warrants the elaboration. while the other characters stop acknowledging ANYTHING about their lives , save for charlotte, who gradually works out her issues themselves, because THATS whats effecting her, bryce is CONSTANTLY just. he Needs to go back, but his problems ARE about what happened, and the fact that his life outside of the plane was what MATTERED to him, but that even then, he just Wouldnt acknowledge that life when he Needed to. idk if that makes sense but ohhh i think about the decision to elaborate on some characters and to not on others bc it feels Important)

hes so. he mirrors all of the contestants in some ways, but he mirrors amelia a LOT in that both of them respond to trauma by Setting It Aside. like That Trauma Cant Affect Me If I Dont Look At It. like. ur right bryce has NOT processed ANY of his trauma. which like it makes SENSE bc. it prob feels so much easier to him to not think about it by drinking instead, because its a Lot to think about. its a Lot to come to terms with. but bc he WONT acknowledge it but its still AFFECTING him he just gets More and More miserable (the detail about him driving home drunk and not even caring is so. :( )

what IS one of the most. compelling? aspects of his character to me is the way he responded to Everything after getting eliminated. bc it just feels So Real. because he IS healing, not completely, and not in the best way, but he clearly like. started putting SO much work into improving his life??? (the detail of him finally getting an end table for his bed instead of just... using a cardboard box ALWAYS gets to me. and that + the fact that the photo of stella is put up makes it seem like. THATS what was in that box. he LITERALLY started Unpacking thigns. its like poetry to me.) because it IS hard, and i think hes still putting things to the side, shoving the trauma from the plane to the side now instead of all his other grief and trauma. and the removal of the cans from his room yknow?? that hes getting up for work on time now?? its like. yeah i agree idk if hes necessarily SOBER yet but he really does seem like hes working really hard

its not perfect, but its BETTER and it feels. correct?? (and tbh? trying to brush off the plane as a dream isnt even teh worst thing he couldve done with that, i think, bc reasonably what WAS he supposed to do w that experience?? i dont think there WAS a good answer) bc the plane was a whole new kind of trauma. and i think surface level, one would THINK hed get WORSE after further trauma but like. i think he DID in some ways but in the ways that actually affected how he acknowledged and responded to his pre-existing trauma DID get better bc, as he puts it, hed Thrown his life away before, and didnt want to do it again. bc this time, he very well couldve died. and while he was on the plane, being home, on earth was SO much better than the plane, and it recontextualized Everything. hell, maybe after that, the earth finally felt Less daunting, like somewhere he Wanted to be, because for once, he WANTED to be back, and rationalizing That and the fact that he got Lucky, that something Worse couldve just full on Killed Him Forever really DID mean he didnt WANT the worse to come, at least not as much as before. but that meant he HAD to start actually Working on improving things, and i think he may not have Intended to acknowledge Worse things, but simply because the things he had to do to improve his life, like drinking less, making his house more Livable, they all Forced him to think about things More. hes still certainly not thinking about them as much as he Should, hes still not Processing things, but hes Heading in the right direction . he really was SO changed by ONE

and then liam showing up forces him, once again, to think about something he tried to push to the side. aaaaaaaandd then he rejoins and its so. it feels thematically fitting and IS so so SO interessting. because for once in his life hes REALLY facing his trauma head on. but then is brought straight back into it. and i need to think about that aspect more bc those thoughts are a bit less Focused than my other thoughts but given how complex his writing is after he gets OUT, its. SO interesting to think about how being BACK affects him

esp bc like. him starting ep 18 Pissed Off- which historically his responses to trauma are to either just Be Shocked, as depicted a LOT in ep 14, or to get Very Vocally pissed, as shown through the first half of s1, esp ep 6, and ep 11, and ep 13, and ep 18. ive seen it written as 'he doesnt have anywhere to direct the sheer amnt of STRESS and fear so he just. ends up yelling at people bc what else CAN he do' and i think thats?? probably fairly accurate. i dont think hes as Constantly Irritable and Irrationally Angry as fanon presents him , bc it tends to be. excessive. but he DOES get reasonably angry in response to stress !!! i always think abt how his body language in the 'credits' scene of ep 6 look like hes yelling at airy. and im. lays on the ground. i dont even know if thats ever as much 'just anger' as it is Fear and it FUCKS ME UP

but the way i see it, that ties to ep 18 a LOT. because he was really Getting better. hell, what he thought was the WORST that could happen HAPPENED (dying) but he. came out OKAY? its like he was being forced to think about and work through his trauma and he survived and was ok. but being sent back is like. 'oh god i did that all for nothing.' but i think it also sort of?? serves as the Last Push for him to really, REALLY acknowledge the plane (which is why it makes sense so thematically for him to be the rejoiner. he WAS the only contestant whod Chosen to ignore it all. but that has nothing to do with the plane, he cant choose if the plane ignores Him.) past talking about its affects, how its affected people. because after everything hed worked toward, hes Back. hes back, and everyone else is STILL HERE. liam had said they were all still There but seeing them there is a whole other thing. hed SEEN the effects of making it out after 7 months. but he never saw what it was like to still BE there after all that time. and bryce CARES about them (fanon sometimes treats him as if he is a bit. coldhearted? but i think people misattribute him being unhappy with liam as him not caring. i think the problem is that he maybe cares too much, and was affected a LOT, but didnt and doesnt know how to handle that. so he WANTS to ignore it, because it was all he could do, and haaving to backtrack on his haphazard healing from the plane is. highly daunting and uncommfortable and terrifying. thats not being cold though, thats VERY different) and now he HAS to acknowledge Everything, has to be a part of it Again. and i think its a combination of 'liam was here for 7 months after we all thought itd only be a few weeks. Anything could happen. who knows how long ill be here for?' and 'liam didnt have anything when he came back. will I have anything when i come back?? will i have worked so, so hard to heal and fix my life for Nothing?' and 'i dont WANT to be here again.' and 'oh my god all of them Really Really Are Here. Theyve been here the whole time.' and i think all that culminates in an appropriate amount of horror, and that prompts him to do what hes STARTED doing, which was All He Can. and hes pissed off cus hes terrified, so he spurs everyone into pulling out the plug. and then. it doesnt work. it doesnt work and thats the LAST of what he had, and i think iirc hes the LAST one to close his eyes afterwards. because hed BEEN off the plane, hes the one of them who had any hope to give them anymore. and it didnt work

(i also think a lot about how it mustve felt seeing the contestants all so. resigned. because bryce was like that before all this, but ever since one began he was stubborn, and didnt WANT to give up. and i think finding out that these people youd seen try so, so hard just to Handle Any Of This be SO resigned would be. so fucked up. he knew amelia when she was so determined to leave, and while charlotte seems a bit saddened by her resignation, bryce was there BEFORE that happened. he wasnt there like liam or charlotte was to see it gradually develop, and to develop that despair alongside them. all hes seen is that amelia was so determined. and that he may not have known her THAT well before, he knows shes different. he knows she Gave Up and like. GOD. and also i think abt how he mustve Felt seeing the plug for the first time because ehs the only one of them who hadnt seen it before (given its likely all the other characters had, since they casually refer to it). and given the short time frame between him getting there, and the contestants trying to pull the plug? it almost seems that that was like. the last straw. and ive never posted it but i once drew stuff abt it bc. the damage to it is noticable. and i think hes already aware liam was fucked up, but this is like. a tangible, permanent record of that on the plane. and he cares about liam, and has been grappling with all the things liams told him, but thats. thats something he can See. And i think it all of it culminates in him deciding that what hes been avoiding is doing Soemthing about all this, because before he couldnt, and then it was. an awful idea to, and then he didnt have many choices BUT to help. but now theres hardly anything to do, but he has to try. he doesnt want to give up. and it makes me soooooooooooooooooo. head in hands.)

anyway that was a LONG tangent the point is. YEAH. i think rejoining would be. very very significant for his character i dont think youre making shit up its DEFINENTLY a topic w a lot of things to discuss about it

but god. yeah it wouldve been SO nice to see him come to terms with everything hed been through before one. i think the show purposefully included what it did and ended when it did because it makes more sense thematically for it to go unresolved, because the point was that NOTHING was able to be resolved nicely because unfortunately, many things are Out Of Their Control. things COULDVE resolved almost perfect but enough things went wrong at just the right (or more fitting, wrong) time for all of that to not work. i think him no longer seeing the suburbs may have signalled more that maybe, just maybe, he could Do something to help the other contestants even if HE was Dead, that now he finally HAS a goal, if that makes sense (though i think even in the timeline of the series it still wouldve taken way longer for him to process everything Fully, they WERE only in the waiting room for probably about a day) but the idea of finally seeing the waiting room as it is bc hed finally worked through everything .... man.............. man

ik ive already said it though but i DO think it is sooooo so possible for him to heal post canon. im a firm believer that no matter what, at LEAST bryce and ameliaa get home (liam and charlotte have more room for error but i DO generally interpret the ending as them both getting home too, theres just less room for things to go wrong w amelia and bryce). and i think after everything? hed be able to heal. it would SUCK but i think hes, shockingly, in a better place Logistically for things to improve, because he has a support system, he has what hed already worked on in those 7 months, he has so much to aim for. it would be rough and take long but i think ultimately? hed be able to heal :) and its what he deserves

[carcinized]

hi!! i know you said you dont watch ranboo that much but im just starting out and i wanna find out where/how to watch?? or at least how you watch?? and not just ranboo, any of the dsmp or minecraft community in general! im very new to this so sorry if it sounds like im dumb ^^

oh my goodness of course!!! i am always happy to help o7

the website most of us use to watch mcyt is called twitch. it's a website designed for livestreaming, which is how most of our content is made! you can make an account for free, and all streams are free but have some ads. however you can pay subscriptions (or be gifted a sub) to not have ads, but only if you want to! ranboo's channel is RanbooLive if you want to watch his stuff!

edit: i go on to tell you a LOT of background info in case you need it and it got long so theres a cut now!! :D

some other channels/people i highly recommend (and what servers theyre on if you want to get into those! and if you need what that means explained feel free to ask because i am MORE THAN HAPPY to explain them and why theyre cool to you :])

tubbo (dream smp, bear smp, origins smp, big dig smp)

sneegsnag (origins smp, big dig smp)

ponk (dream smp)

jack manifold (dream smp, origins smp)

aimsey (bear smp, big dig smp)

niki (dream smp, origins smp, bear smp)

wilbur soot (dream smp, origins smp)

hannahxxrose (dream smp)

captain puffy (dream smp)

quackity (dream smp)

connoreatspants (dream smp)

and lots more!!! i tried to include my personal favourites + some less well known ones who i think deserve more attention so. a bit of a biased list but once you figure out how twitch works you should be able to find the others pretty easily!

then of course there's some videos on youtube, but most of them arent for if you want to get into the story aspects of the mcyt community. there's a great youtube series called hermitcraft if you like more chill (well, more chill than the dream smp) minecraft shenanigans with actually good builders and people who know how to play the game. you can start on any season, each season is just a new server. i recommend falsesymmetry's pov because shes my favourite but theyre all lovely. there's not roleplay on this server (that i know of?? i havent seen all of it) so it's more chill.

if you want to watch the dream smp, i highly highly highly recommend this carrd that puts the series into a cohesive order you can watch + some extra content!! the dream smp is high energy and engaging with livestreamed lore that's made up almost entirely of improv with basic, basic, VERY basic plot points to hit. it's. honestly it's fascinating because of the way it's told but that's a story for ANOTHER TIME!! this WILL make you laugh your ass off and it WILL make you cry (if you watch certain bits). however because of the sheer AMOUNT of content for the dream smp you'll never be able to watch it all. so many povs and they're LIVESTREAMED,,, there are some things you'll have to learn just by hearing about others who watched them talk about, and that's the nature of the fandom. which is ok :] but. yeah the dream smp is really fucking good jaskdjf

the last big smp i personally can tell you about is the bear smp which is literally COOL AS FUCK and it's probably the one i would recommend to an outsider--it's newer, and there's a REALLY good cohesive video that brings you up to speed on nearly everything that's happened, which you can find here :D also it has beep who is my favourite character in anything ever possibly he rivals kronk... i could talk about beep for hours but i wont JDSFJ anyways the bear smp is all about found family and a dude named bear learning how to like,,, be friends with people and not controlling and also not a complete recluse and its rlly sweet :] also the worldbuilding my GOD every smp (and real life??) is canon to the story ITS SO COOL HOLY SHITTTT anyways. i will not nerd out about the bear smp here but i REALLY recommend it.

the origins smp was (is?) a server where everyone had cool powers and goofed off!! no cohesive story.

the big dig smp is a VERY new server where its just modded minecraft!! no story here except for the Great Chokobo Incident (damn you sneegsnag)

then also!! i have not seen the empires smp or 3rd life smp but they look INSANELY cool so if you want to get into those i am not the person to ask but they seem rlly cool so worth looking into if you ever want to!!!

anyways. thats the basics i suppose!!! :D if you have any questions PLEASE ASK i literally would love nothing more than to help you out SDFJDS

[asscreeds]

Heila - Chapter 1

“Heila,” an Old Norse verb meaning “to heal.”

Self-insert F!Eivor/Reader fic where the reader is a Dane from a clan with an unhinged leader that lands them in a heap of trouble, and are captured by Saxons after a failed raid. Eivor rescues the mortally wounded reader from certain death & with a little help from the Raven Clan, they are nursed back to health, and Eivor and Reader grow a little closer via helping eachother to overcome their traumas. Then inevitable lesbian pining and one or two (a little horny) dream sequences that suggest Eivor and the reader have actually known eachother for a very, very long time.

Reader is DFAB and uses she/her pronouns.

There are very specific trigger warnings for this chapter that are only referenced to later on in the story - graphic descriptions of violence, physical & psychological t/orture, religious fanaticism, wh/ipping, v/omit, blood, and minor/background character d/eath.

Read on AO3. i havent rlly posted fanfiction before on tumblr be nice to me

The morning waves broke calmly against the eastern shore of Cent, the salty sea breeze & sting of sand against your face and arms both familiar and calming to you; despite being weeks away from the place you once called home, it seemed the ocean would never change, no matter where you went. You could hear seabirds cry above you, and the gentle bustle of your impromptu settlement as your clanmates began to stir and prepare for the day to come. This was not your home, nor your intended destination when you had departed from your homeland - but, hopefully, you & your clan would make a home out of it yet. Originally you were to sail to Normandy but an unexpected and powerful storm threw your ship off course & you'd landed somewhere in England, according to your navigator, Vilmar.

Sitting around & watching the sun rise would not do much to help your people build a base camp. Before you could even get up, you heard footsteps in the sand behind you, and turned to find Gunnar. "There you are, y/n!" he bellowed, helping you to your feet as you giggled. "We've been looking for you for a meeting - needing your level head and all. We need supplies quickly," he said, quickly guiding you to your leader's tent, the both of you somehow avoiding bumping into clansmen carrying lumber, goods and the like. "Oh, needing my guidance for once, Gunnar? Or are you going to suggest we ride into the heart of a storm again?" you jested, elbowing his side as you walked up the green hillside. He made some sort of huffing sound, like a grumpy animal, and simply ushered you into the tent where your leader Frederik & Vilmar were already arguing.

"We need supplies, Vilmar! Else we'll all starve by the end of the week!" Frederik growled, slamming his fist into the table, sending little carved statuettes out of their places on the map.

Vilmar moved to speak, then saw you and Gunnar standing at the entrance of the tent, visibly deflating & waving the two of you over. "Hello Gunnar, y/n." Your arrival didn't seem to placate Frederik at all… 

Vilmar continued with his thought. "I know we need supplies, Frederik, but the risks outweigh all rewards at the moment. We musn't rush in blindly going a-vikingr, we must make allies first and set up a trade route," he said, rearranging the statuettes to their original places. "We've sent scouts out to every corner of this kingdom, as far as we could, and every single one has come back with word of a potential allyship, and a warning that every single village here is armed to the teeth. We cannot afford to raid right now." 

Frederik seethed quietly, seemingly first accepting Vilmar's words, then growing even more agitated. "And how long will it take,Vilmar, to establish a trade route?" he spat, staring down at the other man with something unreadable behind his eyes. Vilmar held his stare, then looked down at the map. "...A week."

The effect was instantaneous. Before you could even get a word in, Frederik stormed out of the tent, leaving the three of you bewildered, confused & frightened. You knew Frederik could be hellfire at his worst, and he'd always been obsessed with the tales of glory & kings that were told to children, and you had always chalked it up to him barely being 22 winters old, but this was something else. Sharing a worried look with your friends, you chased after him, & were met with a small crowd that had already gathered in the center of the encampment. Frederik's clear & raucous voice rang out over your clansmen, and you saw him pacing back & forth on a wooden platform. Like a king.

"Hear me, kinsmen! We may have landed in a strange land, but it is not an unknown land! We are upon the shores of England, the holy country," he spat out the world 'holy' like an insult, "and we are not the first Danes to do so, and we will not be the last. England is the same as any other land - full & ripe of pickings for the vikingr. Any and all of the able-bodied, you will ride the waterhorse with me to their Christ-House, and we will deprive them of their stores & silver!"

No, no, no, no, no. This was suicide.

Frederik leapt down from the platform, immediately heading for the armory, his wolf-fur cape billowing behind him as if he were a great hero from the old tales, though you knew he was anything but . This was not a good plan, nor a sound plan. He was insane if he thought a band of two dozen sea-soaked & exhausted Danes could pillage a monastery & live to tell the tale. You rushed ahead & grabbed his arm. He did not look at you.

"Frederik, please! Listen to me! This will not end well for you, nor for this clan! Follow through with Vilmar's plan instead, please, I am begging you -" you cried, and were met with the man shaking you off as if you were a fly. He turned to you with a wild look in his eye, forcing himself in your space, close enough for you to finally smell the ale on his breath & to see the dullness in his honey-brown eyes. "I have seen great glory in my dreams, y/n. I will not be denied it." You didn't know what to say, staring at him in shock. He looked at you again, and decided something, muttering something under his breath. "You will ride with me," he growled.

This shocked you out of whatever daze you were in. "What? No! I…" you yelped, but he had already turned from you and stormed off again. This was not good. You were never an adept fighter. Sure, you had trained once or twice in your early years, but you would never call yourself a drengr. But to go against your leader's word & break your oath to him would be a worse fate, consigning you to Helheim. Begrudgingly, you went off in search of armor & a weapon, the distant sound of thunder rumbling in the sky.

A few hours had passed, and to the best of all of your abilities, your clan had mustered up a small yet intimidating army. Maybe things would go right, and you'll topple their church like a house of cards, but you couldn't shake the ever-present feeling of something being wrong. Finishing the warrior-braid in your hair and tying it with a leather strip, you donned the leather & fur armor handed to you by Runa, your weaponsmith. It did not fit you perfectly, but still fit, and would serve its purpose and protect you yet from whatever weapons the English would use to defend themselves. Your weapons of choice, an axe & a flail, hung from the belt around your waist heavily, and you were not used to the weight of them. A shield adorned with your clans symbol, the stag, laid against your back like a mockery of a security blanket. Taking a swig of mead to warm your belly & calm your nerves, you give one last glance to your tent & personal belongings - the dried flower & a bag of jewelry (that you've had to hide from your kinsmen many times) from your mother, a lovingly-written & tear-stained letter from your father, among other things given to you by your friends & family as parting gifts before your departure from Denmark. 

You did not know it would be the last time you would see them.

Taking a deep breath, you exited your tent and headed for the shore, where many of your clan had already hopped into the three longships, painted red & blue, the stark coloration of the paint looking even brighter against the dark waves of the sea. Were you looking at them any other time, you would have called the scene pretty, but not while you had to wade through knee-deep oceanwater to try and scramble up the side of one of them. You struggled for a bit before a hand grasped your arm and pulled you up, and you heard a familiar voice. "y/n? What are you doing here? You should be staying here, with the women & children!" Gunnar spoke, his voice hushed so that the figure of Frederik somewhere behind him could not hear. You could only send him a sad but stern look. "Frederik insisted." He looked at you for far too long, and you could almost hear him thinking - he knew that you were not a drengr, either. He made some sort of soft sound & pulled you fully up onto the boat, and turned back to face forward in his seat. You could not read the expression on his face.

You sat next to him, both looking forward to Frederik, who turned around as the rest of the drengr boarded the ships, his face somber for a split second before shifting to another, more spry and almost violent expression. His voice rang out against the waves, his blonde hair had already begun falling out of his warrior-braid, sending tendrils of it flying in the wind, and his iron armor shone brightly when the sun allowed it. He was a picturesque vikingr, one you would see in the margins of fairytale books.

"Hear me, kinsmen! Today we sail for Raculf Monastery, upon the Northeastern Shore, for glory & for life! For there it is where we will find the supplies we need to replace those we lost in that dreadful storm, and there is where we will succeed! I know many of you have become doubtful, but fear not - I have dreamt of these moments and seen the glory within, and I have all of my faith in the nine Nornir that we will prevail!" he quaked, earning a few rejoiced battle cries from those around you, and even you felt a little energized, his words setting a newfound battlelust within you that you didn't know you even had. 

Your clan set sail immediately, the wind from the brewing storm to the south boosting your speed on the short journey to the monastery. It would only take an hour or two to get there, if Vilmar's predictions were correct. Nervously you checked your weapons, feeling & testing the sharpness of your axe's blade-edge, and Gunnar gently elbowed your side. "Never took you for an axe woman," he said with a light chuckle, sending you an uneasy smile. You couldn't bring yourself to match it. "I have never been forced to choose, Gunnar." 

His smile dropped momentarily, then returned, albeit a bit smaller, and he turned to you fully. His blue eyes shone with confidence. "Listen, y/n. I know you are worried as I am, but I have faith in both Frederik & the Gods that everything will go right for us this day," he said, gently setting his huge hand on your shoulder and giving a friendly shake. Slowly, you returned his smile. Maybe so.

It was difficult, however, to be so confident & blindly trusting in Frederik & your luck when the storm roared behind you, moving just as fast if not faster than the longships. Too soon you had seen the white pires of the monastery in view, the columns of smoke from countless houses & other buildings rising high into the air as the monastery's denizens continued their lives unaware to the coming danger, and too soon had you heard Frederik's voice over the roar of the sea again. It began to rain heavily, soaking through the leather of your armor and chilling your bones. You felt as if you were in a dream.

"Look there, men! Our prize, to be split open & savored! Prepare yourselves!" he roared, and it seemed like you had blinked and were suddenly upon the shore: the sails lowered, and just as Frederik blew into his horn, a deafening crack of thunder prevailed your raid, and a fire had already started, the hay-roof of a villager's home struck by lightning. Frederik gave a booming laugh, joyous & strong. "Thor is with us!" 

And like that, you and your three-dozen clansmen descended upon the monastery, moving together like some unstoppable force. Taken off guard the Saxon warriors had little time to prepare for the assault, and many were immediately fell by the first wave of your brethren; thankfully you were at the back, but this left you open to attack from reinforcements - hopefully they would not come. You quickly entered some sort of fugue state where it felt like you were not truly there, not truly controlling your body, letting your arm guide itself, your axe cutting the chests & necks of already weakened Saxons, spilling red red bubbling blood - was this the battle fury felt by berserkir? 

You did not enjoy it. You did not find glory in taking these men's lives.

By the time you had advanced closer to the church, many of the buildings were already set ablaze, the smell of wood-smoke & hair burning making you choke. Not even the pouring rain could douse the fires. All at once you were overwhelmed by the sensations, the sounds - iron clashing, battle cries, the screaming of civilians caught in crossfire - it was too much. You felt yourself shake. But you pressed on, finishing the weak off as before, checking corpses (both of your clansmen and Saxons, though notably more of the latter) as quickly as you could to make sure none of them were breathing - you did not know what you would do if you did find one still alive, either kill him or spare him - and, thankfully, you were never injured. Somewhere along the line you had reunited with Gunnar, and you helped him finish off the last of the Saxon warriors, to which he gave a grateful nod towards you, then a nod to the church. Come with me.

The locked timber doors of the monastery's inner sanctum were no match for the wrath of the vikingr, and crumbled as easily as any other. You both had finally breached the walls of the church when you heard Frederik's victorious cry, and when you turned the corner you could see why - barrels upon barrels and boxes upon boxes of supplies, food, raw materials, and the like. 

You had done it. You had won, raided a monastery, and lived to tell the tale. You felt yourself let out a breath and breathe deeply in, something that felt entirely alien to you, as if you had not taken a breath in your entire life. You felt as if you could pass out on the spot. This alerted Frederik of your presence, and he turned to you and Gunnar immediately, wild-eyed and ecstatic. "We have done it, my drengr! Here is our lifeblood!" You couldn't match his enthusiasm, standing as still as a statue, but managed to let out a light chuckle. You had done it.

The chuckle turned into a scream as two arrows pierced your shoulder from behind.

Frederik let go of you and you crumpled to the floor with a sharp cry, taken aback as a dozen or so more Saxons forced themselves through the church's doors, and another had a knife to Gunnar's throat. Reinforcements.

If they had gotten to the three of you, who knows what became of the rest of your clansmen.

You writhed on the marble flooring, your blood staining the tiles red as you tried to gain your footing, your breathing, anything to keep you grounded in this world and alive as your body could not stand to produce adrenaline anymore from the strenuous and long battle, the sharp pain of the arrows lodged between your shoulder blade & your spine making it hard to do anything but lay there. At least it had not been your head.

You felt a boot come down upon your back, knocking the wind out of you again, and a hand tangled itself in your hair, pulling harshly against your scalp to raise you up from the floor - seemingly higher than you've ever been - and another hand came to pull your arms behind your back, as if you could even hope to try and break free. A Saxon, a zealot, you would later say, stepped forward from the rest towards Frederik. 

"Hail, heathen," he spat, the rustle of his gilded armor & the voice behind his helmet too loud, too harsh against the once-peaceful quiet of the church. You squeezed your eyes shut. "What brings you here to this House of God, to commit acts of heresy? Tell me why I should not slay you and all of your kin for defiling this place." Thunder roared outside the church, stained glass windows shaking with the sound.

Frederik seemed in shock & at a loss for words. He took a breath, then two, and the Saxon grew impatient. "Speak, worm."

"I, I - we came here for supplies, and -"

"And you thought you could pillage and raid and steal, or maybe you have tried to make peace and were rejected and thought this was the answer. I've heard the same story and the same lie from the other dozens of you Danes that I have slain. I want you to tell me. Why should I not slay you?" You were suddenly very aware of how much of your blood was outside of your body on the floor, where it should not be, and you felt bile bubble up in your throat, saliva drooling from your mouth as if you were a sick animal.

Frederik could not respond. In his mind, he did what he thought was best, not for his clan, but for him; he ran. 

At once arrows were drawn upon him, but the Saxon merely waved an arm & they were dismissed. "Ah, I love a good coward. Let him run & tell other Danes of his failure. Let him live with it. Take the others to Canterbury to be converted." 

You were again jostled around, catching a glimpse of Gunnar in your periphery, who had cast his gaze down at the ground with a blank stare. You both had the same thought.

He left us.

Before you could finally let yourself pass out from shock, you felt a hand on your jaw, turning your head this way and that. "You're a pretty one, eh? Not a fighter like the others. What are you doing out here with these barbarians?" The Saxon from before. You couldn't meet the man's gaze, locking eyes for a just a second before you looked to the floor again. He gave a light chuckle. Thankfully, he said no more, and you felt yourself grow weaker and weaker as you and your kinsmen were bound & loaded into carts like animals, the rain having let up, only lightly sprinkling now. You fell asleep and dreamt nothing. It was both a blessing & a curse.

You all sat there quietly for the remainder of the morning, any attempt at conversation harshly shushed by a well-armored guard standing nearby on watch. From what you could see, he was bored… as if these circumstances were normal to him. Capturing & abusing prisoners. These Saxons were a new ugly.

When you awoke, you were corralled in some sort of cage with a few others, and you could feel the morning sun beating down on your back. You went to move but were suddenly reminded of the arrows still present in your back and let out a wheezing, pained sound, frightening some of your clansmen around you, waking up others. They had not sustained much injury in the battle aside from bruises and little cuts - your injury, amongst all of those still alive, was the worst. The Saxons had not even been so courteous to break off the shafts, and the nauseating feeling of the arrowheads moving between your muscles as you sat up nearly made you wretch onto the dirt. You were not used to pain like this. Among the others in your cage - all women - you found Hanne, Runa's daughter; Ulla, who you truly didn't know her origins but she could fight like a bear; and little Lissi, a winter younger than you, and in almost the same boat, though she had trained for combat for several seasons now. They all sent you sorrowful looks as blood began to drip from your nose & mouth onto your front, staining your tunic further. Tunic? You looked down. The Saxons had stripped you of your armor, at some point when you were asleep. Figures.

At some point, maybe during noon or after, bells sang from the church on the hillside, and a small, squirrely-looking old man had come down to bring all of you some dry bread & bowls of water. It was not a filling meal but you ate it gratefully regardless. He looked upon you & your kith, bound & shackled and being handfed like dogs, with great pity. An hour passed, and you were all allowed to relieve yourselves, though for some it had come too late. Then dusk came, and a different man approached your cages, followed closely by another armored Saxon. The man spoke in a strange tongue from an open book with a cross on the front, and from what English you understood you supposed it was some sort of rite, or blessing, or maybe a curse. Then they both went away, and you were all left alone for the night. They had not treated your injuries, nor given you anything to eat past the bread & water from midday. You thought of those back at the settlement, and hoped that they were safe… they did not deserve this mistreatment. And then you thought of Frederik, and a new fury from somewhere deep within you came to light. That fucking ergi. Abandoning his people. Maybe he had gone back to them, alone, and the thought of it made your blood boil - what lies would he tell them? It did not even matter if he told them, there would not be enough men left to rescue you. You looked up to the world around you in the cage, ignoring the burning of the arrows, and studied the night sky, and how the lights of the city reflected against the villager's homes, and how the moon seemed to give the church its own glow. This is what Frederik gave me , you thought. Consigned to die in a cage, locked up by an animal by the Saxons. Or worse. You saw a lone crow circling the church's highest point. And to yourself, you made an oath.

I will see to it that the coward faces what he has broken.

Another day went by, the same as the last, and then another. Some priests came by in the early morning of the second day and finally rid your back of the two arrows, though they did not truly clean the wounds, only simply broke off the shafts & quelled the bleeding. You were all only fed bread and water. On the third day, you refused your "meal," partly because of your burning hatred of Frederik to do anything properly, partly because of the fever that had set in and worsened rapidly over a few hours. You did not feel like yourself.

As you did every day, you sat still in the corner of the cage & observed villagers, soldiers, priests & pilgrims pass by, like a dog staring from the back of a kennel. Today, however, you were given the chance to see two new faces pass by - two new outlander faces. One of a tanned man with a beard in strange white & red gear, who looked upon you & your kith with a strange expression, and a tall, hooded woman with bear fur draped about her shoulders. A Norseman, plain in sight, and none of the Saxons in the city had even batted an eye at the pair. She looked at you with pity first, then her brows furrowed, and muttered something to her companion, who gave a short reply. They continued up the hill to the church - pilgrims, maybe? Doubtful.

An hour passed, and then two, then three, and another priest approached your cages. He spoke of conversion, some rite, and honestly you'd tuned him out after the first few words. Suddenly he turned to you, and the ice-blue of his eyes shocked you still. "Will you accept the love of God into your heart?"

You didn't know what to say. This felt like an insult, after all these people have put you through. You made up your mind quickly. Maybe it was your fever speaking for you. "No."

He made another sort of sad face, and then was suddenly shadowed by the same Saxon that had cornered Frederik, back at the monastery.

"Then we will make an example out of you yet, little heathen." You did not have time to prepare for the pair of armored guards dragging you out of the cage, your arms still bound behind your back, and maybe kicking and screaming was not the best reaction, given one of them suddenly backhanded you and shocked you into quietness. A handful of villagers had heard & perhaps caught a glimpse of the debacle and stopped to stare for a moment, before another heavily armed Saxon waved them away. You were brought away from your kinsmen closer to the church, where a foreboding column of wood jutted out of the center of a clearing. Its purpose was made clear as you were made to kneel and your arms were tied to the bough of it, in mockery of a praying position. Public humiliation. Or worse.

Unfortunately worse. A notable crowd had gathered, and though you could not see them, you could hear them mutter amongst themselves somewhere behind you. Some cheered for your punishment, some began to cry, knowing what was coming. The Saxon zealot circled you twice. You did not meet his gaze.

When he spoke, he bellowed his words so that the crowd may hear. "Here we have the little Dane, a fork-tongued thing that has dared to cast aside the love of God! What heresy," he said, his words poisoned with sarcasm & mockery. Somewhere to your left, you heard the squirrely-man's voice call out for mercy. "Please, Eadwulf! This is not the way of God!" Eadwulf simply waved the man away. "These pagans killed more than two dozen of our men at Raculf. Only one death of theirs is a kindness." Death? Oh, no. You did not sign up for this. You don't deserve this. You found a new will to live in the way you squirmed against the bonds to no avail. Fuck.

Eadwulf prowled somewhere behind you, and you felt sweat dripping down your brow. You heard a chain, or a whip maybe, rattling, and the sound of the crowd's murmurs growing louder, and how the entire city seemed to grow quieter. This is not how I am meant to die.  

"If you will not accept the love of God, heathen, then bend to his wrath."   How poetic. The first slash was unexpected, painful, making your entire body seize up as if you were dropped into both boiling & freezing water as the cloth & skin between your shoulder blades split, fresh blood spilling down the already-stained tunic. The second came only a few seconds after, worse than the first, and you let out a scream loud enough to frighten a flock of crows from a nearby tree. You felt warmth on your back. Whenever you moved, you could feel the lashes rubbing against the dirty & coarse clothing, made doubly worse by the dull, throbbing pain of the arrows. The third came nearly half a minute later, unexpected, and you screamed again. Then the fourth, fifth & sixth came in quick succession. You felt bile rise in your throat, spilling out onto the too-soft grass beneath you, onto the lumber in front of you. The seventh, eight, ninth and tenth came and went, and in your shocked, adrenaline-addled state, you barely felt them. You felt yourself grow weaker against the pole, the too-warm sensation of your own blood running down your back almost a comfort. Eadwulf said something else, you don't quite remember, and then the crowd dispersed. You were left there to die a martyr.

You don't know exactly when you had passed out, but you awoke during the quiet coolness of the night to a blurry image of the strange hooded Norse woman in front of you, cursing. "Are you still alive, kona? Stay with me," she said, voice somehow strained yet comforting all the same. You could only barely lift your head to look her in the eye, to which she cursed a little more colorfully. "I'm getting you out of here." She cut you loose from the wood, and helped you to stand (which you could barely do) before realizing that wasn't really an option. Cursing even more colorfully, a feat you didn't know she could accomplish, she took her hood off & draped it over your back, making you sharply inhale as the cloth stuck to the dried blood at your back. "I know, little crow. I know it hurts, but please, you must stay with me." She whistled faintly, and a black horse came trotting over, giving you a weary look. Even the animals had pity! Or maybe it didn't want some half-dead creature on it's back. Either way, she set you on the saddle, sitting behind you so that you didn't fall off during the ride, apologizing immediately for any discomfort the position might cause you. Before she could grasp the reins, you stopped her. 

"Please…" your voice was hoarse, and you did not recognize it. "Please, my friends, my kin… are they still imprisoned?" The woman made some sort of sound, as if she had forgotten of the others she passed by today. "Yes, they are, but I fear it will be some time before they are freed. When we get back to my home, I will send my best warriors to retrieve them. Does that sound okay?" You could only nod your head, the simple action sending your world off kilter. She bid the horse to trot out of Canterbury to an unknown destination, breaking into a full gallop once you had left the city's boundaries. Both you and the Norsewoman understood you had mere hours left. She tried to keep you awake on the journey, asking questions about your name, clan and where you were from, though she mostly got one-worded answers.

"Are you a Dane?" "Yes." You pass over a bridge, the woods of England looking all the same to you.

"Why have you come here?" "Storm." An answer she didn't understand at the time, but continued regardless. The landscape slowly changed from forest to open plain, then to forest, then to marsh. You crossed two more bridges. It was your turn to ask the questions.

"What is your name?" Your speech was slurred, more incoherent. "Eivor."

"Why were you in Canterbury?" A question that she did not outright answer. "Looking for someone."

"Where are we going?"

"Ravensthorpe." A place you did not know, nor seen on any map.  "We're almost there. Stay with me."

You couldn't fight to stay awake anymore. "I'm sorry," was all you said before slumping forward on her horse.

She thought you'd died, grabbing hold of your wrist and feeling a wave of relief at finding your faint pulse. She rode twice as hard to her home then, only taking another hour.

When you awoke, you were not dead, nor in your own bed, and could feel bandages straining around your chest, and the scent of herbs filled your senses.

[solange-lol]

hiii in celebration of AUctober, what are some of your fav solangelo AUs?

Anonymous said to solange-lol:

Hi! Kinda a random question: do you have any favorite riordanverse fanfics that you’d suggest reading? I’m looking for ones to read, but I’ve been having trouble finding new ones! Thanks!

rec list #1 | rec list #2

all recs can be found under the tag ‘lizs solangelo fic recs’ on my blog!

technically its past auctober now, but better late then never to drop my third solangelo rec list!! especially considering the state of the world rn ... lets just say its a celebration of me actually participating in sw for the first time in a while

rec under cut as always!! its not all aus but its the count that thots

Find Another Place to Stay by @unwieldyink

personally i think breakup fics are incredibly underrated, and i also think annie is incredibly underrated, so enjoy ur little cry if you read this one (tw // violence in this one)

Hershey’s kiss by @unwieldyink

we love a godswap!! it’s actually been a while since ive read this one and i reread this while making this rec list and can i just say that zeus!nico and hermes!will are both such valid concepts and this just has a rly good dynamic to it

Actors by @buoyantsaturn

i could talk about this fic for hours but lets just say ao3 has told me ive visted this fic 40 times. im not kidding. fake dating is just a godtier trope

start of something new by jinniefic

if you know me, you know that i fricken LOVE high school musical, and this is literally just the start of the first movie but solangelo and honestly a little more iconic please read even if ur not a hsm fan

paper/plastic by @rosyredlipstick

the fact that this is from 2018 and took this long to get into my rec list is tragic because i think about this fic a lot... a lot. mortal au. very chill, strangers to lovers, very good vibes, will be rereading soon (everything rosy writes is amazing we already knew this)

10:37pm by @buoyantsaturn

surprise another cj fic! fun fact she debated with us for a good half hour about what to title this fic so go read it so you can tell her you like the name (and the fic itself... its a very good fic) (tw // alchohol and drug use for this one)

Sunflower by ChiseHatori

3 days in the infirmary is probably the easiest trope u can find in the solangelo tag but i have to say this one really made me soft just bc it feels a lot more in character than some of the others ive read, and it basically picks up right where they ended in the books

Will You, or Will You Not? by @thebluesideofmyworld

marriage fics... also very soft. just boys bein boys. dual engagements. mortal au. all that good stuff vv soft i loved it

let your heart win by @justanothervampiregirl

this one is short but its also probably one of the most in character fics ive ever read and i really like this style of writing mixed with canon compliance so :)

The Magic of Naomi Solace by Sweetymomo

naomi solace, underratted legend. i aspire to have her relationship with will. lots of familial background if you like that!! and its set at a bnb!!

forget all the shooting stars and silver moons by itotallyreadthatbook

when i saw this in the tag i was SO excited bc we love high school aus here and it was!! very good indeed!! this trope is one ive never seen before and i recommend 10/10 good banter

They won’t always live by Phantomxlegend

will overworking himself and coping with loss always makes me :(( so if ur okay with some will angst then buckle up

“I am fully capable of kicking your ass” by @unwieldyink

i remember i saw the email notification for this one and immediately was like yup absolutely im in and it 100% lives up to its title we love capture the flag solangelo

the night we met by peachyytomlinson

a lil ooc but also very angsty and did make me emotional when i read this late at night. i think i wrote something similar a while back but i just aaaaa will angst man

“look how hard i can cry FWSHHH”  by @buoyantsaturn

call me biased bc i like to claim that i originated the idea of demeter!will and cj dedicated this fic to me but like BRO its so soft and i love it here nico leave the plants along challenge failed

femboy hooters, or the time percy jackson failed to keep a secret by luciethebean

its all fun and games until the fic turns out to genuinely be really good. like, yes the title is exactly what you think it is but it doesnt matter bc its so fricken well written im^@*#&(*)($_$#&^@$(@*)* yeah

Of Ties and Significant Annoyances by seokjinvilla (@thechampagnecocainegasoline)

we dont support jkr in this household but what we do support is this bc this plot is genius and i love it

everything’s going swimmingly by tsunamiroll (@catboy-ethan)

fun fact i posed the idea of a sports/team prompt to the sw mod crew literally just so someone would pull through and write a swim au and ethan DID without even knowing. i love them and their writing style is so !!!! please read it

when you smile (the whole world stops) by tsunamiroll (@catboy-ethan)

another ethan fic!! this is the perfect fic for a rough day where u just want some cuddles bc thats literally the plot of the fic. i love this one with my entire heart its very fluffy 10/10 do reccomend

pumpkin spice (i hate it, it's not nice) (ok maybe it's a little nice) by tsunamiroll (@catboy-ethan)

ethan fic part 3!! bc i binge read these all in one night!! literally again their writing style is so amazing and the witty banter!!!! also we love a retail bookstore au 

Burnt Plastic (and Other Bad Ideas) by More_of_This

so this one isnt exactly romantically solangelo but it is hilarious in my opinion and i absolutely adore well written college aus and while i know nothing about college this fic is so funny to me (if you read the tags there is, in fact, a raccoon involved) (tw // drinking for this one)

all because you kissed me goodnight by @buoyantsaturn

i have been WAITING for a mortal counselors au and im sure theres some out there already but y’all already know im a cj stan! lots of slowburn, friends to lovers, coworkers, all the good stuff (and i named this one and offered cj a lot of materials from my own camp so this one especially hits!! i reccomend for those good ol summer vibes!!) (tw // drinking for this one)

Waiting With You by @buoyantsaturn

oh boy buckle up if u want an angst ride because this fic tore me apart. i keep threatning cj with “dont pull another waiting with you”. that being said, very much feels like a movie while youre reading it, very fluffy in the middle, we love mutual pining. 

Little Italian Boy by @buoyantsaturn

stream little italian boy by grace gilmore. youll get it. thats it.

The Clues by @thebluesideofmyworld

secret dating when done well is legit one of my favorite tropes of all time and this!!! this!!!!!!!!! its outsiders perspective also which is another one of my favorite tropes, and just little views on nicos life and i love it

So Come On, Talk it Out (your voice brought me back from the dead) by @buoyantsaturn

will solace, sponsered by kitkats, cj edition

no but if you read tower of nero you’ll really like this missing pieces pre-ton fic this is a really soft little fic with a bunch of easter eggs from the book in it, so i highly recommend! if you havent read ton yet and are still avoiding spoilers, come back to this one!

reaching for the sun (you, you, you) by moonswords (@tortadelimao)

i just read this one about 2 hours ago for the first time and i am Still thinking about it. its like the getting together that i literally feel like is canon and the vibes are Immaculate (also william “what about me looks straight” solace)

“Are we on a date right now?” by @unwieldyink

overworked will, nico helping out in the infirmary, first dates & hikes, canon compliant, we love to see it (also its an annie fic so ur required by law to read it)

Outrunning karma by Phantomxlgend 

more will angst! featuring angry overworked will!

Everlasting Ring by minyoongurt (@blueblackslowtown)

i was Very excited when i read the summary of this one, and i think minyoongurt did a really good job!! healer will, injured nico, the whole dynamic. also i love the idea of nico only knowing “thank you” “go away” and “fuck you” in sign language. im pretty sure thats canon

The Little Thing by Rainbow_Mess

i belive this is also a pre-toa fic thats just exploring all the stuff we found out about will in ton and its very short and sweet :)

and of course, a few of my recent works for your consideration

who is he (and what is he to you?)

just doing my silly little tasks

i don’t need three bars to tell me we’re meant to connect

truly, madly, deeply

[seoafin]

tbh,, i havent read the raws of the interview yet, only the translated ver from fan-translator and b4 i start, i think that this will be just me talking in circle and in no particular order AND a real mess (my brain does weird things after exams) but uhh here we go

gojou collects talented people, and by doing so he finds the people he can most probably relate to, except that he can't, not really, because something in the universe shifted when he was born. and it makes me think of how he's always known it, that he is special, and he's proven it, time and time again— he wants to take in talented ppl and he does, but there rly isn't much he can do for them. for they are talented, more talented than the world can understand,,

but they aren't gojou satoru

gojou took in megumi, bc he knew megumi was strong, and would grow up to be someone even stronger, but gojou can't facilitate or encourage his growth, bc for all they're similar, they are so fundamentally different. ALSO,, while geto was in his life, gojou rly judged everything according to his understanding of geto’s moral compass. gojou wears a human suit and geto is how he learnt to wear it well 🏃

the dragonfly analogy regarding to geto’s response to gojo, who was shown wearing a dragonfly patterned yukata in HI arc,, i’m trying to not think abt the fact that dragonfly symbolized victory in jpn....pain. i quoted from a web here for more explanation : In Japan the dragonfly is known as the "victory insect", or kachimushi, because of its hunting prowess and also because it is known to never retreat. Dragonflies are agile and fast fliers and can even hover, but never fly backwards

and bringing this up again, matricide and patricide are 2 of the 5 worst act to commit in buddhism, and it was said that if u commit one of those act u’re going to spend a real long time in the deepest pit of hell before continuing the samsaric cycle (higher chances to be born as an animal after that probs)— this might be geto’s divine retribution. held no power over his own body and could be considered that he’s the same as those “monkeys” 💀

ALSO the fact that sukuna's interest is "eating" rly drives home his hedonistic philosophy of seeking pleasure for himself. and he’s a cannibal...makes me think if he’ll just chomp on ppl with the mouth on his stomach

randomly, to date i think he hasn't really called himself a human, shaman, or a curse, and has held himself apart from all 3, and we've also the intro of the cursed wombs so i wonder if he’s trying to become, or is, a different entity altogether

so onmyoji got mentioned in the interview and what they practice is called onmyodo and abe no seimei and kano no yasunori were the notable practitioners,, and the kamo in jjk is the same as irl who served the imperial court back then

maybe i was right when i said that the relation between the govt. and jujutsu elders are similar to how the shogunate and imperial court work (ie, the former holds the actual power) but... lets see later,,

and i cant believe that i actually nailed it on the analogy of jujutsu practices by religion,,, so mahayana buddhism, shintoism, and taoism is present in jjk along with their respective jujutsu practices...but between the 3, it shld (?) be taoism > shintoism > mahayana buddhism (which could took a path to pure land buddhism)

it’s weird that the number of curses are supposedly higher in jpn comparable to other countries when taoism was brought from china....tengen sus

so the zenin family tree is sth like :

brothers: [toji's dad] ; naobito ; ougi

so toji, naoya, and maki & mai are cousins of the same generation

[toji's dad] → jinichi (probs) ; toji → megumi

naobito → other brothers, naoya

ougi → maki, mai

but yea i’d call anyone who’s within/close or below my age range as cousins and others above 30 as uncles/ aunts LMFAO,, i dont rly memorize my own family tree 😭😭 especially since most call the other by honorifics instead of names : aunt, uncles etc or attaching said honorifics at the end of a name for an older sibling figure/ older cousins [but like ppl in my country also call the other who are older with sibling honorific even if we’re strangers,,, rly similar to korea’s hyung/oppa—eonnie(unnie)/noona but some uses more genderless honorific] (1)

tw // topic of incest, mentions of abuse

if anyone got the wrong idea when reading this : i am not glorifying/ romanticising incest(uous themes),, i’m looking at this with absolutely no lenses of bias even tho im rly against it

初恋 = literally : first love, or puppy love

恋 = romantic love/ deep longing

i literally don't know how else to put this...🧍and with language barrier...using a western interpretation of the eng word "love" to explain a jpnese term is not quite that simple, unfortunately

that thread omg,, i rly do understand how exactly someone could associated kindness with love bc of my upbringing, it was when i was slightly older that i was just...oh so its not like that orz,,, so the most plausible explanation would be that

but the problem is that,, akutami never specify when exactly she had a crush on them,, and when megumi answered todo’s question she had a “♡” reaction 😶,, uhmmm there’s rly no way to look past this if its this way or be in denial

i’ve seen some of "why wouldn't mai react that way after hearing megumi say he'd like someone who's compassionate when she's surrounded by men like naoya",, well I MEAN,,, that, but also mai probs admires that megumi grew up so well out of the clan, regardless of the fact that he had the foundation (10 shadows) to do so. imo she seems happy for him the way she can't be for maki, bc maki ultimately had to leave her behind

hate to say it but yea,, the 3 clans most likely still practice inbreeding in order to preserve their power and presumably their wealth too 😀

i had an idle thought abt it at first but i filed it deep in the back of my mind asap,, bc i ont wanna jump to conclusion abt this out of all things too early. it’s probably not even in jjk, but all those elite clans in other ani/mangas that produce powerful heirs and whatnot also do the same,,, but this way of (my personal) thinking was influenced when i first got into tsukihime (type-moon),,, i read abt the nanaya family background and found out that they practice that in order to keep their bloodline “pure” (to keep it short : they have an optical power),, and i had this kind of assumption ever since so there’s that

i’m,, convinced the zenins' inbreeding made it more difficult for them to get powerful shamans bc they got 2 jujutsu technique-less children with heavenly restrictions in the same generation: toji & maki

even more convinced that maki might be a bit stronger than toji bc toji could see curses without aid while maki can't so the pay-off must be higher,,, SJJASN IDK ,,, plus naoya sort of implies his older brothers are nothing compared to him, and idk if we should take that as his arrogance or that his older brothers rly are weak/powerless. it would make sense as to why naobito had a lot of sons, ig, as head of clan

i feel so bad that if one of the factors that can caused heavenly restriction is inbreeding,, toji and maki and mai had no say in how they wanted to be born but are scorned for it,, typical asian families projecting their traumas and ideals onto their kids but get mad when they realize that those ideals are ugly...😁😁😁

since the zenin are conservative,, i wonder if they still hold onto old jpnese dining traditions. where in ancient jpn, hierarchical relationships were made readily apparent even within families. a dining table where everybody sat down and ate as equals would be unheard of. rather, each individual is given their own table that indicates their status,,, someone who is not considered “strong” according to the zenin’s views most likely have no place at the table, and probs eat when those who are “strong” finished/ serve them when they are eating

if toji was tossed into a swarm of curses,, i dont think abuse during said time is below them,,,

the zenin clan was already great, but they further amassed power and strength by, what i assume to be, marrying and adopting powerful individuals into the clan 🤔 ,,, i imagine they're like the hiiragi but without doing what they did to shinya (ons reference)

BUT after all that, i like to think that since akutami’s a big horror fan, jjk might be an outlet to explore said topics or even darker ones, so i wouldnt be that surpised abt it. given that there’s more than enough “red flags” before this was dropped : a reference to “tale of hikaru genji” when a grown woman asked for gojou’s number in HI arc (out of all things); granny who transformed into the man’s daughter, sat on his lap and man just touched her waist; mei mei and ui ui ; and...this (incestous theme is in the novel btw)

lets not start with whatever the fuck in kubo’s head in the interview otherwise i’m writing paragraphs with every curse words possible,, those big 3 mangakas are so— UGH,, a planet w out (cis) men like him sounds real good rn 😌 if one of yall out there decide to do it,, pls hmu rly cant do this shit anymore

akutami said i like my men pretty and i like women who will step on my neck and spit in my face (I REMEMBERED TATSUKI FUJIMOTO’S INTERVIEW WHEN HE WAS ASKED ABT MAKIMA AND IT WAS SO 😭😭😭😭) but ykw,, love that for both of them <3

when i said 3 : one piece, bleach, naruto. aside from the blatant depiction/ characterize of women in those 3,, idk if some ppl arent aware yet but oda is friends with two (2) convicted pedos,, man...the major disappointment and disgust when i first find out abt it

anyways this is just my 2 cents (which i think rightfully belong to the trash can) so pls just take this w a lil to no grain of salt - 🐱

YEAH THE ♡ LMFAO I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A “good answer ♡“ heart BUT NOW IM RE-EXAMINING?????

honestly i wouldn’t be surprised if the three clans practiced inbreeding. but ik people are going to be  😡😡😡😡😡 about it when the queen of fucking england is literally married to her (something) cousin. i’m not justifying it but like....love the double standards, just as always with the west 😍

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT FUCKING PED* LIST THEY SHOULD ALL BE IN JAIL. JAILLLLL. it’s all so gross. that’s why i fucking hate when people look towards manga for positive representation because the chances of that are super slim to zero, especially since the industry is saturated with misogyny and ped******* and a lot of other gross stuff.

i think ppl forget jjk is a horror manga LOL so obviously it’s going to confront darker themes. the question is whether it’s going to be done tastefully or not......

[axemetaphor]

im definitely not ripping off my friend by making a list of au ideas i have no siree //gonna slap this under a readmore cause i. well i say a lot. all of the time. i tried so hard to format this Good but tumblr fucked me up i am so sorry

so first-off i know i already have one WIP AU (Auckland) on ao3 so i wont talk about That one cause like. spoilers. i actualyl have it like 80% created so its likely gonna truly get finished for once and i dont wanna ruin shit

the other one ive posted about is something me and ben (catgirlrepublic) have worked on together its not at all close to done or anything but it's. a fun little crossover. Between jdate and my fuckinuhm. Original characters story “Untitled Villains Project”. the sketches of the comic version ive started is actually my pinned post 👉👈 its like the first chunk of the story, i think half of part 1? yea.

Tldr john fucking Somehow is able t oget into contact with a certain curious scientist from another reality who’d just love to study the Soy Sauce, most certainly not for her own nefarious purposes

John and Dave meet up with the scientist, her name is Boss, and her lab assistant, Toxic, and after a bit of a preliminary Vibe Check where john determines her trustworthy (which Dave doesnt agree with,) the two agree to be taken to the world UVP is set in. from there they stay in Boss’s lab (big old fucking abandoned military lab). John and Toxic are fast friends due to mutual love-of-chaos. John n Dave get to fuckin, camp out on an air mattress.

The day after they arrive, the two get split up, not exactly intentionally; big plot points of UVP are liek. Fueled by Boss sending Toxic to go fetch her “research materials,” which are usually important artifacts

Fuckin side note i guess i have to explain my dumb bullshit: Boss’s, uh, field of expertise so to speak is actually fckin, basically the scientific study of magic and superpowers n shit like that. This shit’s all real in that world. Toxic’s got fuckin superpowers, so do 4 other main characters, whatever. It’s got a bit to do with spirituality, iss Boss’s hypothesis. So she has Toxic fetch important artifacts that might have “energies” to them. The thing is actually way more fuckin complictated than that, this is just Boss’s initial hypothesis.

Motherfucking anyways. So Boss gives Toxic a job to do, and John get excited about how Cool that sounds, and ends up going with Toxic, leaving Boss and Dave alone. Neither is thrilled about this. But Dave and Boss get to have a bit of conversation (while Toxic and John are off bonding and having a good time) and come to a… mutual grudging understanding of some kind. They still dont like each other though lmao

Theres gonna be deeper shit going on but we havent sorted it out yet/tbh havent like Written For It in a while but i still like thinking about it a lot lol

Also pretty sure our endgame is john and dave steal toxic and bring them back with em lmao boss is kind of not nice and toxic would most certainly be better off in Undisclosed. Actually theyd fucking love it. Theyd become a local cryptid im sure. Undisclosed’s mothman is a teleporting spike baby.

I have. Another crossover AU that i might. Post something about for halloween? Maybe? If i have it finished?

Crosses over into, you guessed it, another one of my original-character projects. God, am i vain or something?

I promise this is just because i think blue and dave should get to team up to beat up some monsters

Quick briefing on my fuckinuh. Original character story, this one doesnt have a name (yet? Idk lol my work never actually goes anywhere sso who gives a shit). It centers around two grim reapers, Red (26, bi woman) and Blue (22, aroace agender asshole). In this reality or whatever, grim reapers function kind of like low-level office workers. They get told who’s going to die + when by some middle-management types, and upper management only involve themselves when punishment needs to be doled out. These Higher-Ups can be seen as analogous to Korrok; they’re decidedly not human, never were, and fucking terrifyingly powerful. Additionally, grim reapers are sort of .. designed to be “background noise” people. In reality theyre supernatural beings and, uh, look Real Fuckin Weird (the whole deal has a neon aesthetic im terrible at drawing uwu) but most humans just perceive them like extras in a movie. A body’s there but the camera’s not focused on it.

To the narrative: the shit starts when Red n Blue get relocated to Undisclosed. Relocation is something that just happens every now and then to reapers; they usually work in teams, but they get split up into different cities to avoid any strong bonds forming (a counter-union strategy from the Higher-Ups).

Red, Blue, John and Dave end up running into each other for the first time in a McDonalds where John n Dave are getting some 4am “hey, we just survived another horrific monster fight” celebration burgers. John and Dave are the only two people who can see how… strange Red and Blue are. Nobody else notices.

John unintentionally pisses Blue off, leading to Blue whacking him upside the head with a dildo bat. They all four get kicked out of McDonald’s. Dave and Red both are less than thrilled

Blue and John end up resolving their differences, somehow. Red and Dave briefly bond over their dumbass best friends being, well, dumbasses. They all part ways amicably.

somehow-or-other (idk yet) they end up running into each other a few more times, and eventually john invites them over to his place, and the four (plus Amy now!) get to know each other a little better

while there, Blue gets a text about some guy who's gonna die and John offers to drive them to where that's gonna go down. they take him up on the offer and get to have a bit of one-on-one conversation

after that ordeal though Blue has had Enough of people and bails, leaving John to head home alone

theres a sort of mirror-development going on with the five of em. Red, John, and Amy would all like everyone to get along, though theyre a bit tentative about it (John moreso than the other two, actually, jsut cause. well Red n Blue could still be Sauce Monsters). Dave and Blue on the other hand do Not like people enough for this shit, and Dave's not unconvinced theyre Sauce Monsters. he will not trust them until proven he should

the story's kinda nebulous but i got an idea for some Shit going down that involves both Sauce Monsters and also the Higher-Ups to have some fuckin absolute chaos go down.

Oops! All Trans

Everybody is transgender. Everyone

Ive actually workshopped this one both with ben (catgirlrepublic) and ghost (ghost-wannabe) lmao its a fun lil concept ive had from the get-go cause i mean. What’s an internet tran gonna do other than hit all their favourite media with the Everyone’s Trans beam

Dave transitioned post-high school and faked his death for it. People go missing in Undisclosed all the damned time, after all. He moved to the next city over, transitioned fully, then came back as a completely new man. Yes i know this doesnt exactly fit with the “everyone knows David from high school” thing alright, hush.

Anytime anyone brings up John’s old best friend (pre-transition Dave) John throws an entire fit like an overdramatic grieving widow. Full-on sobbing “why would you bring her up?! I miss her so much—” to the point that people just stop bringing up because Jesus Christ That Sure Is Uncomfortable KJHGFDS.

This is a scheme he and Dave came up with prior to Dave leaving, though Dave hadnt exactly anticipated John putting on this much of a performance about it— but it’s stopped Dave from ever having tto hear his deadname again, so hey.

Amy transitioned sometime in middle school/early high school. Her family was super supportive and loved her a ton and most people just know her as Amy. she was super shy her whole life really so. Yeah. people just dont think to bring it up lmao also i Feel Like big jim would absolutely wallop anyone who gave her trouble of any kind

John’s nonbinary (genderfluid specifically) and not exactly Interested in transitioning ? like hes fine with how he is. mostly.

he came out to Dave in high school but hes not out to anyone else exactly. Maybe his bandmates. Probably any other trans person in Undisclosed knows, too, cause theyre safe to tell lmao. Johns mostly a “he/him out of convenience” kinda nb who’s cool with any pronouns but does prefer they/them most. Dave and Amy use they/them when the trio are alone

Also this is a totally self-indulgent caveat that i think would be great, Dave’s actually agender but because he's transmasc and transitioned when he thought there were really only two options, and being Boy at least felt less weird than being Girl, he just kind of assumed he was a dude. It’s only through a lot of (like fucking years and years hes probably in his 30s/40s when he puts 2 and 2 together on this one) talks about gender with John that he realizes he actually feels like No Gender. Masc aesthetic with none gender.

I Just Think It’d Be Neat Is All Okay

Also Amy came out to Dave about being trans early on in them seeing each other and his response was to get very nervous before blurting out “me too” and then just being too embarrassed to talk about it for the rest of the day. Hes got a lot of hangups on talking about it actually it takes years for him to get comfortable in that

by contrast when Amy comes out to John about it his response is to yell “EYYY ME TOO” and give her a big ol hug lmao

I think itd be neatt if Amy ran a like. Transfem help/advice blog on tumblr. Kind of helped-with by John who can give her transfem nb insight for certain asks. I also just think that would be neat.

Cowboy AU - i put this one last cause its got drawings to it actually. Theyll be at the bottom

Basically just. Hey you ever watched a western. I think they look neat

This is another one me n ben have come up with lol

The soy sauce and all that shit still exist, im not sure where korrok fits in yet but ill figure it out

Theres no real like solid narrative yet ? but heres the barebones of everybody’s arcs.

John

Johns an absolute troublemaker, Of Course. Hes wanted in several towns for absolutely stupid shit. Hes a loner who shows up, causes chaos, gets drunk, does some drugs, runs away if people get too mad at him

He definitely had the same kind of deal with the soy sauce as in canon— he was at some kind of party, somebody offered it, he took it cause why the fuck wouldnt he, now he can see monsters and shit

Hes kind of a mooch also. Like. dont let him stay in your barn man he’ll never fucking leave and drink all your booze.

He runs into Dave when they happen to just, cross paths in the same town. the bullshit John stirs up ends up involving Dave in a way that makes it seem like it's his fault too, and they both get run out of town

after that he just tags along after Dave. hes decided this guy's Cool he wants to stick around. Dave is pissed at first, but not enough to shoot him or anything, and eventually, John grows on him

Dave

Dave also is a loner but unlike John hes simply so fucking awkward and bad with people. He doesnt feel like he belongs anywhere so he just travels

He’s the stereotypical Lone Ranger tbh. He wanders from town to town, solving their problems, though hed deny its out of any moral obligation (it kinda is, a little bit, tbh. He does like feeling useful). He shows up, fixes things, leaves. He's kind of a legend but most people think he's hiding something dark. other people jsut know him as that guy who farted real loud in the middle of the saloon and promptly skipped town out of sheer embarrassment. you know how it goes with Dave

He ends up involved with the Soy Sauce when a snake (not Actually a snake,) bites him. The snake’s more like the wig-monsters, really. Anyway, it injects him with the soy sauce, he fucking trips balls in the middle of the desert, he can see monsters now

He runs into John and shit goes tits-up, as said, but they become traveling buddies after that. he'd never say so, but he's glad for the company, actually. it's nice. hes not used to companionship but he feels a strange kind of easiness hanging out with John....

not sure how the Monster Dave concept will like fit in to this reality but like. trust me i want it in here. I'll Figure It Out.

Amy

Amy’s been living in a town John and Dave end up passing through and she is very curious about these two new Handsome Strangers who claim to fight monsters and just kinda. Persistently tags along til they let her join for real

Her family’s all dead, unfortunately, just like in canon, and she’s been living alone for a few years before meeting John n Dave. she had nothing left in that town to stay for, she'd been fantasizing about escaping on wild adventures for a long time and this felt a little like a dream come true. (Dave still gives her a spiel about how Difficult it is, but really, her fantasies were pretty grounded-in-reality already. i jsut think thats how she is, yknow?)

Shes the first person to react to the whole “we see monsters” shit with a kind of “oh, okay. neat” kind of response lmao

John and Dave fix whatever the fuck is up with her town (maybe that’s where the Korrok shit can fit, who knows) and Amy ends up being integral to that. After, she insists they take her with them because “they need her now” and Dave just cant really say no. John too is very much "the more the merrier!" and hes actually glad to have another person along he loves people lmao

At the start she has long hair but after she joins them she chops it short with a knife for convenience

also she still is an amputee. justt. idk. it was a wagon/stagecoach accident rather than a car accident lmao. just to clarify since i hadnt mentioned it, i wouldnt rob her of her ghost hand or yknow. all of the significance to her character that Missing A Hand has. although also now im going to have to research what was used as painkillers way-back-when, but im betting shes still got, like, her pain pills, they probably had those, maybe i wouldnt have to try too hard there. old timey medicine could be WACK though,

Shitload

Yeah hes in tthis shit mostly cause i liked designing his cowboy self lmao

Hes a kid (like 16, 17, technically i think in those days that was more Young Man than Kid but whatever. Hes Young i mean.) who got possessed by the Worms out in the desert and, by his family’s perception, just went missing!

Hes also a wanderer, but he ended up at the same town john and dave met in, at that same time, and starts following them after, already aware of who/what they are.

He keeps his face covered 24/7. actually he covers a Majority of his self for reasons. kinda want him to be a slightly more horrifying Worm Entity rather than human idk,

I kinda dont have much for this boy yet sorry Shitload

images !

with some editing notes for me cause im doing a very specific aesthetic with this lmao. i might change some lil details/colours though ...... idk

im also kinda 🤔 about shitload's colour palette. i want things assoicated w the sauce to be black'n'red predominantly but i think his palette might mirror dave's too closely. also im working on a korrok design i jsut am too busy to draw it now

[machine-gun-casie]

Radio Interview

you just love talking about your boyfriend, machine gun kelly, and zach sang is not complaining.

a/n: if yall havent seen zach sang’s stuff on youtube i definitely recommend you do so, he is so lovely and such a good interviewer. 

also thankyou so much to @harringtonstudios​ for reading it for me and @fandom-central27​ deserves some credit for helping me brainstorm and make this fic sooo much longer than it was going to be in the first place

wc: 4.6k

“Hello! Welcome to the Zach Sang show! Today I have with me the oh so lovely y/n l/n. Thank you for coming.” Zach introduced you, officially starting the radio broadcast. 

You smiled and leaned back on the couch. “Thank you for having me. You’ve got such a comfy studio, man. It’s so great. A bit chilly though, wish I brought a blanket.” You laughed, shivering a little. The place was so comfy, bean bags everywhere. They had you and your mic set up on a really nice gray couch.

“Yeah, the ac’s been going crazy. We’ll get you a blanket though.” Zach motioned to someone outside of the studio.

"No it’s alright.” As soon as the words left your mouth, an assistant entered with a fluffy white blanket. “You know what, I can’t really say no to that.” You laughed.

“Alright, now that we’re all wrapped up and cozy. Hey, how are you?” Zach smiled warmly, his bubbly personality shining through instantly.

“I’m really really good, thank you for asking. I’ve been in a really good place recently. How about you?”

Zach sighed and rolled his eyes. “You know, going through some stuff. But it’s all good. If things aren’t meant to be, they aren’t meant to be.”

“Oh no.” You frowned. “You got some relationship trouble, huh? Yeah, my philosophy is the same, to be honest. Can’t force something that isn’t in the cards for you.”

“I agree one hundred percent. But you gotta have some good relationship advice for me. I mean, your relationship seems to be flourishing.” Zach smiled. You felt the blood rushing to your cheeks. Everyone knew it was going to come to this. You wouldn’t even be surprised if the whole interview was going to be about this.

“Maybe.” You smiled, hands coming up to hide your blushing face.

“Oh come on now, you’re definitely not this shy on your socials.” Zach teased.

“Yeah, but that’s different, man. That’s not like, face to face. Do we really gotta talk about this?” Your nervous laughter made your comment light, letting the radio show host know you were kidding.

“You know we have to. You and Machine Gun Kelly. Who knew? Like, the biggest shock of the year so far.” Zach laughed. “You and him are so different. You’re like America’s pop sensation sweetheart right now. And he’s a rockstar!”

“I know! I thought no way would he even give me the time of the day!” You giggled.

“But I read that you were a big fan before even meeting him. Is that true?”

“Oh definitely! Most people look at me and my career and they immediately label me a pop fan, but it’s not true. I mean, I obviously love pop, but I can like other things too. I’ve been part of the EST family for a while now.” You clarified.

“And EST, that’s Kelly’s fan base, is that correct?”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Now, how the hell did y’all meet? It was so sudden for the rest of us. How could your paths have crossed?” Zach laughed.

“It’s kind of a long story...” You trailed off.

“And I am so very willing to listen.” Zach smiled. It wasn’t even like he was interviewing you, it was like he was your best friend and he wanted all the details.

“Well, a while ago, I was the musical guest on SNL.” You explained.

Zach’s eyes lit up. “Yes! I remember that, you were great. That was almost a year ago! Has this been going on for that long?”

“Kind of.” You shrugged, giggling. Zach rolled his eyes and continued. 

“Anyways, you did uhh two songs at SNL, right? You did ‘Hold Me’ and what was the other one?”

“I did ‘Hold me’ and I did ‘PDA’. It was so much fun. I even got to be in one of the sketches, but like only in the background. Honestly a dream come true.” You gleamed. Having been a fan of SNL since your childhood, the statement was definitely true. But you might have been trying to steer the subject away a little and Zach caught on.

“Yes, and I don’t doubt that. But I wanna hear more about the love story.”

“Alright, alright, I’m sorry.” You laughed. “So, the week before the live show, as a guest star, you have to go to the writers. You only really go if you’re in the sketches, and I wasn’t really, but I begged them to go. I wanted to see the whole process. And I knew of Pete Davidson working there obviously.”

“And Pete is friends with Kelly, right?” Zach asks, clarifying the storyline in his head and for the listeners.

“Yeah, they’re insanely close. So I go into Pete’s office, right? And I know he’s friends with him obviously. So I try to casually mention that I’m a fan, not only of Colson, but also of Pete himself.” You laugh and Zach knows where it's going.

“Did the casual approach work out for you?” He laughs.

“I’m not quite sure.” You giggle. “I was super nervous and sweaty. I’m pretty sure I stuttered throughout the whole thing. But Pete is the coolest person ever and such a good friend that he was just excited I was a fan of Colson’s. So we started planning. He says he can try to put me in the back of a sketch wearing some merch for the new album.” 

“And Hotel Diablo had just come out back then, right?”

“Yes, and I was super into it, but I didn’t have any merch. So Pete said he would hook me up.” 

“Did you expect to be able to meet Kelly after this whole plan?”

“I honestly expected to leave with some new merch and that’s it.” You laughed. “But to my surprise, Colson came on the Saturday of. Pete had told him about me being a fan and he wanted to surprise me.”

“How surprised were you, on a scale of one to ten?”

“Like, one billion.” You gushed. “I don’t remember much of the encounter, but I remember him hugging me and I was definitely crying.”

“Oh yeah, I saw the video. Full on blubbering.” Zach laughed. 

You gasped. “There’s a video? You have to send it to me. Anyways, his daughter was there too and she asked for a picture. I said okay, but I’m sure I looked so bad in it. Like, mascara all down my red cheeks. So I go home and Colson follows me back on Instagram the next day.”

“Did you slide into the dm’s?” Zach smirked.

“You know I did. I had to! But I was fully expecting to be ignored.”

“As one does.”

“Exactly. But he replied and we started chatting. It didn’t really feel real. Like texting him and stuff, I was chill. Because it felt so fake. At that point, I used to live in New York, so it was only really texting. We face-timed a few times, which also felt surreal. Then he came to New York to surprise me and I freaked. Seeing him in the flesh again brought back the same excitement.”

“At this point, was it official?”

“Not really, like we kept telling everyone we were just friends. And it hadn’t gotten to the press yet, and we wanted to keep it like that, so only close friends knew. But I was smitten. We both knew it was going somewhere, but we were being gentle with it.”

“Yeah, the concept of new relationships is so fragile. Sometimes you both want to dive in but you don’t know if you should.” Zach rationed, voicing his thoughts.

“That’s what it felt like, to be honest. But after that first stage, it just became so incredibly easy for us.”

“Not surprisingly, because you are known to be a complete romantic. I mean, all your songs and your whole aesthetic. Your album is literally called ‘Love Love’.” Zach chuckled. “Tell me about that, the process of naming the album and writing the songs and all that. How did you know it was going to focus directly on love?”

You let out a breath and tried to organize your thoughts to form proper words. “I’ve always been so in love with love, so I knew it just had to be centered around that. Like not just romantic love, even platonic love. Some of the songs, well most of the songs on the album, are about platonic love. I had never had a serious relationship until Colson really, so my understanding of romantic love was very minimal.”

“Really? I would have never guessed. The way you write about love seems like it comes from vast experience.”

“Yeah, it was experience in platonic love. In all of my friendships, I always put my all into it, which isn’t always right. But it’s just the way I am. So when a friendship ends, it truly feels like a heart break.”

“So your song ‘No Longer’ isn’t about a relationship?”

“No, it’s about a friend I had. A best friend, actually. We were so close, people actually thought we were dating. But something happened between us and it was so painful. I have so many songs written about that, but some are so specific that the person and what they did would no longer be secret. It wouldn’t be right, you know?”

“I completely understand, sometimes things are just for yourself.”

“Yeah, exactly.”

“The song that most resonated with fans was ‘I’m (Not) Crying For You’. Did you know it was going to be this well loved?”

“Yeah, they went crazy over that one. I didn’t think it would be this popular at all. Since ‘PDA’ and ‘Hold Me’ were like the singles with the music videos, I thought those would be the hits if there were any. But yeah, people really loved ‘I’m (Not) Crying For You’.”

“Can you explain the song and what it means to you?”

“I would love to. As a teenager, whenever I would lose a friend, I would always turn to break up songs. I always felt like the lyrics depicting the end of a relationship worked with friendships as well, but it was annoying to me.”

“Why annoying?”

“Because they aren’t about friendships. They’re about relationships. And I did relate, but not to every line. Cause some lyrics would mention like marriage and sex and those things aren’t related to friendships. I didn’t like the fact that I had to pick and choose the lyrics that spoke to me.”

“So this song is for everyone. I love that.”

“Yeah, I tried to keep it as vague as possible so that anyone going through the end of something could relate. And with the end of anything, you always want to seem like you’re doing fine to the other person. Like, make them think that them leaving hasn’t affected you. So you know, I don’t want them to see me cry. But if they do, they should know that the tears aren’t for them, when in reality they are.”

“Yeah, I noticed that. It’s a great hype song, though. Like it has sad lyrics, but the beat and everything really makes it feel like it’s meant to get over someone.”

“Yeah, it is! I love hype songs where it’s like ‘Fuck you, I don’t need you anymore!’ I drew a lot of inspiration from songs like that.”

“What’s your hype song? Everyone has that one song after someone screws them over.”

“Mine is actually ‘The Break Up’ by Kells. I have every lyric to that song seared into my brain.” You laughed. 

“Really?” Zach asked, raising his eyebrows and letting out a laugh.

“Yeah, I play it when I’m getting my makeup done before performances. Colson thought it was hilarious.”

“I think it’s adorable. Literally relationship goals.” Zach exclaimed. “Alright, another one of your songs that I love is ‘Tattoo’. That one just speaks to me.” Zach smiled, looking so incredibly genuine.

“Really?” You gleamed. “That’s one of my favorites. I just love tattoos, the idea of having something on your body forever is just so romantic to me. Not even matching tattoos or anything. Just the ink itself.”

“Me too! But you don’t have any, right?” 

“I just got my first one!” You smiled. You got your first tattoo with Colson about a week prior. “Well, I actually got 2. Very small, though. Not really noticeable. I love those small one needle tattoos, I find them to be so pretty.”

“When did you get them done?” Zach asked. “Because I remember you once said in an interview that you had none.”

“Yeah, I got them a week ago with Colson.” You rolled your eyes as you could almost see the headlines. “Now everyone’s gonna be like ‘Machine Gun Kelly ruined me’ or something.”

“Obviously not, but yeah I know what you mean. Headlines and tabloids are just awful. But he has to have influenced you somehow, right. Two incredibly different personalities coming together. Are your personalities super different or is it just superficial?”

“Yes and no. Outwardly, we both have very different personalities. But when it comes down to it, I feel like we aren’t the same but we work well together. He makes me laugh and he helps me heal. Overall, he just makes me a better person. And he’s so impulsive at times and I feel like I need that.”

“How-how is he impulsive in ways that you need? How can impulsivity help a relationship?” Zach asked.

You hummed, looking at your hands. “I second guess a lot and then I regret it. Last week we were talking at like 3 in the morning about my song ‘Tattoo’, actually.” You motioned your hands to Zach because you were previously discussing the same thing. “He asked me why I didn’t have any if I loved them so much, and I didn’t have an answer. So he called over his artist the next day, and I definitely don’t regret what I got so far.”

Zach looked over at you, as if he was trying to find them and you laughed. “No, you can’t see them. I mean, I can show you?”

“Yes, please do.”

“I got one on my ribs, like on the side. I’ll show you a picture of that. And I got one on my head.” You explained as you took out your phone and looked through your camera roll.

“Woah, you went hard for your first tattoos!” Zach exclaimed. “Isn’t the pain worse the closer you are to the bone?”

“Yeah, yeah it is. It’s what I’ve read anyways. But they were quick, because like I said, they're very small. No shading or anything.” You found the picture and turned your phone to Zach. “I got ‘Love Love’ on my ribs, in the same font as the album cover, but super small. And the other one is under my hair. I had to shave a square off.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t show unless I pull my hair up at a specific place.” You turned and lifted your hair. “It’s ‘Hotel Diablo’ surrounded by a little border in Colson’s handwriting. He got the same one back when the album came out, in the same place too.”

“So they’re matching?”

“Yeah, he got ‘Love Love’, too. A lot of people online always say to never get matching tattoos, but I don’t really care. Even if it doesn’t work out, which I hope isn’t the case, ‘Hotel Diablo’ is one of my favorite albums and has helped me grow as a person. I just hope he doesn’t regret the one he got for me.” You laughed.

“Does he like your album? He doesn’t seem to be much of a pop guy.”

"He used to tease me when we first started talking about how he would never listen to it and all that. But he was actually like analyzing the songs.”

“No way! That is cute, relationship goals again! Man, you guys are unbelievable.”

“Yeah, he surprised me. But as a fellow artist and songwriter, he knew that he could probably find out a lot about me just through my songs.”

“And did he? Do you see him do something for you and you think ‘he did that because of this song or that song’?”

“Sometimes.” You ponder. “But he and I are just on the same wavelength, I feel. He takes one look at me and he knows what to do. It’s insane.” You chuckled. 

“On the topic of songs, have you written any about him? Has he written anything about you?”

“Oh, I’ve definitely written about him. I’ve got like dozens. Shit, he doesn’t know that.” You realized. “Fuck, I hope he’s not listening. Anyways, I don’t think he’s written anything about me. When he’s high as fuck though, he freestyles about everything. He’s written a song about asking me to do some... things that I will not say on camera. He’s just always spittin’ fire. The talent that that man possesses is mind blowing.”

“Watching him come up with it must be incredible.”

You nodded your head vigorously. “One hundred percent. He’s got a home studio, and some days we just never leave that place. I don’t even need to be writing or recording anything, I just sit and watch him. I’ve been around many a songwriter in my time on this earth, but I’ve never seen one work like this man does.”

“Let me just say, you are absolutely glowing when you talk about him and your album.” Zach smiled.

“Thank you! Like I said, I’m in a really good place right now. This album really made me feel like I took a lot off my shoulders. Like I put all those emotions out there and they’re no longer weighing on me. And Colson… Well, Colson’s just Colson.” You smiled.

“Speaking of your boyfriend, I’m getting a message that he’s coming into the studio.” Zach said as he looked at his phone.

“What?” You asked, sitting up on the couch and looking towards the door. A few seconds later, your tall, lanky boyfriend walked in.

“Hey! Hope I’m not crashing or anything.” Colson smiled, jumping over the back of the couch to sit next to you.

“Well you kind of are. This is my interview. You said you’d pick me up when I was done.” You pouted.

“Don’t give me that cute ass pout. Thought I’d come a little earlier, besides you’ve been mainly talking about me.” He smirked, sending you a wink.

“That is very true.” Zach said. “She can’t stop, but I am not complaining.”

“Ugh, don’t encourage him.” You groaned playfully. “I’m never gonna hear the end of this.”

“Nope.” Colson agreed, excited to tease you about it later. “I’m sorry, Zach, for just crashing like this.”

“No, it’s alright! Make yourself at home. I’m sure everyone who’s tuned in is incredibly surprised. How are you, Machine Gun Kelly?”

“Kells is fine. I know the whole thing can be a mouthful.” Colson chuckled. “I’m doing great. Got a really inflated ego after hearing you guys praising me all morning.”

“We have been, haven’t we? But I would say that’s mostly y/n’s fault, to be honest.” Zach pointed at you, throwing you under the bus.

“Hey, don’t put it all on me! You asked the questions!” You exclaimed, laughing along. You turned to Colson and pulled him in closer. “Don’t listen to him, he just wants to get on your good side.”

Colson laughed and draped his arm around your shoulders, tucking you into his side. You reached out and placed the blanket over his legs as you cuddled into him. “It’s alright, if you were interviewing me, I would’ve done the same thing.”

“Now you guys are just making me jealous.” Zach scoffed. “So Kells, please tell us your side of the story of how you two met.”

“Alright, only two people know about this story. So this is incredibly valuable information.” Colson started out. You expected to be one of the two people, so you were shocked when he didn’t say your name. “Pete and my daughter.”

“What?” You exclaimed. “I’m in the story, how do I not know?”

“It’s before the SNL show, like when Pete told me about you. I never told you how that went down.”

“Oh my God, I’m all ears. Go ahead.” You said, turning to face Colson as he told the story.

“Alright, so I was in New York with my daughter that weekend. I had some business and I was going back home on Sunday, so I brought her along. We were already going to the SNL show before Pete told me about y/n. I knew she was performing, though.”

“You did?” You asked, eyes wide. He kept up with you before meeting you? “Sorry, sorry, continue.”

“Yeah, I did. Casie is a big fan of y/n and her music, so she was really excited about going. I had heard y/n’s songs before, you know on the radio and whenever I would drive with my daughter and she would put on her own music. So I knew the name, but I had never seen a picture of her. When Pete told me he wanted me to come and meet her, I looked her up.”

“Oh no.” You gasped, knowing that your general aesthetic would have probably deterred him from meeting you.

Colson looked back at you when he said his next sentence. “I was like ‘How can this adorable Disney princess looking chick be into my music?’ I couldn’t believe it.”

“Oh my God.” You groaned, bringing your hand up to cover your blushing face.

“No, I’m serious. But I couldn’t stop looking at pictures of her. I wanted to follow her, but I didn’t wanna ruin the surprise. My daughter was teasing me, telling me that I had to get her number during the show. I didn’t of course, like the idiot that I am. But I did follow her on Instagram the next day. Pete was smug the whole time, though.”

“Of course he would be.” You rolled your eyes and snorted. “But I mean, we have to thank him for all of this. Without him, we probably wouldn’t have met.”

“No, we would have. I was still going to go to the show. We would have seen each other and Casie would have still asked for a picture.” Colson said.

“True, but you and I both know we wouldn’t have talked beyond that. I would’ve been too nervous to say anything.” You replied.

“Oh yeah, definitely. I would have been too taken aback by your beauty to say anything either.” Colson nodded.

“Oh shut up!” You laughed, hitting his chest.

“And how did your daughter react to the blooming relationship?” Zach asked Colson.

“She’s usually like, indifferent about my relationships. But this time, she wanted all the updates. When I told her I would be flying back to New York a few weeks later to surprise y/n, she begged me to come with. But I had to leave her, you know?”

“Yeah, of course. Quality time with your S/O is rare when you have a kid.” Zach replied.

“Tell me about it! And then this crazy busy job, too. You’ve got no free time. I finally had a free week and I knew I had to go see this one or it wouldn’t have gone anywhere.” Colson said, pulling you closer when mentioning you.

“And did you, Colson, think you two were gonna end up together?” Zach asked.

“I was hoping so!” Colson laughed. “I was gonna hit her up, but she beat me to it. I was gonna try to get with her, but I didn’t think she would like me. But I’m so glad she did. Don’t know how I lived without her.” Colson looked into your eyes as he spoke, smiling like the love sick doofus that he is.

“Aw, now how long have you been together for? The world’s only known for about a month now, right?” Zach asked.

“Yeah, we posted on Instagram on the 29th of last month. So a little less than a month.” You said, looking at Colson for confirmation.

“Yeah, we waited for a long time. But we’ve been together going on 9 months now.” Colson said and you nodded.

“Woah, that’s crazy! How did you manage to keep it a secret for so long?” Zach wondered, as the length of the relationship was surprising.

“It was hard, I can tell you that.” You chuckled. “ Colson would always post about his ‘secret girlfriend’ and all that. Like, pictures of us holding hands and stuff. It was easy for him, he could just crop my face out. But for me, it was much harder.” You sighed.

“Oh my God, it would have been so hard with all his tattoos!” Zach exclaimed when he understood your struggle.

“Yeah, I got so many tattoos. Anyone could just look it up and find out. But she would post sometimes like, really strategic pictures. I was amazed at how she could do it. But it made it easier that people knew we were in a relationship to keep it a secret. Like, they knew I had a girl, but they didn’t know who it was.”

“Yeah, exactly. Like I just had to keep his name a secret, not the fact that I had a boyfriend. It wouldn’t have been a secret for too long if it was like that ‘cause I never shut up about him.” You laughed.

“Yes, I remember those cryptic tweets all the time. All the tabloids were about y/n l/n’s secret boyfriend.” Zach laughed.

“It was so funny watching everyone scramble trying to find out who he was. But I’m so glad we’re done with that now.” You sighed, placing your hand on Colson’s chest.

“So am I, we wouldn’t have had this interview if you guys didn’t go public. That was truly a fairytale kind of love story.” Zach sighed. “I loved talking to you guys so much.”

“Aw, thank you Zach. I can’t believe our time together has come to an end. I hope I didn’t bore you, we barely talked about the album.” You laughed. “This interview was more about Machine Gun Kelly than it was about me.”

“No, definitely not. I learned so much about you guys today. And about love as a whole.” Zach laughed. “Now I know what a loving and healthy relationship looks like. I hope we can have you here another time, y/n. And maybe have Kells come for an interview of his own?”

“Definitely, man. We can sort that out, I’ll tell my manager.” Colson nodded at Zach.

“I would love crashing that interview.” You joked, causing everyone to laugh. “But in all seriousness, you are so good at interviewing people, Zach. Just felt like a conversation with a lifelong friend.”

“Oh yeah, for sure.” Colson agreed. “Some interviewers feel too pushy and just overall fake. Not you, though.”

“Aww, you’re too nice. You guys were just really easy to talk to. Thank you for coming, y/n. And thank you for joining us, Kells.”

“Thank you for having us, it’s been so fun.” You answered.

“It definitely was, but unfortunately, we only have so much time. Thank you to our wonderful audience for tuning in. This has been an interview with y/n l/n and Machine Gun Kelly, and here’s a word from our sponsor.”

-

-

-

@bakerkells​

[neverheardnothing]

rewatching joe iconis and family lincoln center performance at 4 am instead of packing or sleeping just to feel something and i have so FEW and so MANY thoughts and yall are gonna hear em all. no i will not put this under a cut. im going to be an absolute bastard about this.

i love the story joe tells about why he's singing mitb as the first song so much. like. the spite of it all. the defiance of it all. the pride of it all. the dig it or fuck off and disappear of it all. the joe iconis of it all. 

“i know exactly the song im going to sing as my first song at the american songbook series.” i love that he highlights the fact that this is the american songbook series.

then immediately jumping right into broadway here i come with molly hager, the other song he is most known for!!!

every time i think about this performance i think about how this was the first (?) time this song was performed by them since the closing of bmc.

and then lance rubin comes up to sing try again. which is the only time that i know of that anyone but joe has sung this song.

i remember a remark made during watching it live that having someone else sing the song made it seem so clearly more about joe and his career. but also having lance sing it immediately makes me think of bbh closing early which yeah is part of joe’s career but also lance’s.

and also the line “if you’re an actor and another actor gets the part you auditioned for” reminds me of how lance found the auditioning process of acting and the whole [not acting part] of an acting career to be terrible which is why he quit to then become an author and the juxtaposition of him singing try again is Something. but also he DID try again he is just applying his efforts to a different creative field and it’s working out great for him. good for lance rubin.

lol i haven’t even talked about the actual performance aspect of this song anyways it’s very different from the two versions ive seen of joe doing it. he plays it a lot more comical. i love it.

sidenote not specific about this performance, but i love love LOVE the line and the music at “use the stairs, walk to the street. see the people, feel the heat, and apply yourself again.”

and also the line “when they cast you out to sea, there’s a lifeboat manned by me called try and try again” will never not make me think of bsol/last on land and bonus lance was also in that show! it just keeps circling around.

everything about these past 3 songs performed at this venue in this set list order in this moment at joe’s career is honestly so wonderful. like you had a songs about an anxiety attack, a suicide/loss of self in success, and repeated failures before this song all sung by individuals. two of these songs were written at points where joe felt frustrated/sad with his career. one written in the aftermath of specific frustration about the first closing of be more chill. one an actual song from bmc. like what a SETLIST for your first three songs! fucking michael in the bathroom, broadway here i come, and try again. truly something.

THE WHISKEY SONG!! i love hearing joe sing so much. while i think we can all agree he’s not the most skilled singer there’s something special about hearing a composer perform their own work. he adds like 3 levels of charm to make up for lack of singing skills lol. just a very charismatic guy.

lance rubin back on tamborine for the next bit of the song and he’s like laughing through it. not completely sure what he’s laughing about honestly but this Is a comedic song (after 3 real downers of songs) and also joe was playing it up.

jared weiss down on the floor with his guitar playing along. that’s its own bullet point.

audience cheering as more family members start coming on stage! i love that the band is getting cheers. love that!!!

the camera isn’t on him but from the audio, nick blaemire is presumably running around giving high fives to people in the audience.

i can’t exactly tell with the camera angle and the lighting but i think that more family members get up from different seats in the audience or at least enter in the back and walk through the audience to get to the stage during this instrumental break. reminds me of how joe loves theater that physically touches you. giving you high fives in this case.

love liz lark brown. she plays it pretty like. frenetic and frazzled. love it.

amara, badia, danielle, will, and nick are just chillin sitting on the steps of the stage. 100% contributes to the vibe of this song. top fuckin notch.

SOMEONE screams AH during the drunk part of the song and i cannot figure out who but it gives me so much life.

jared pulling lance down to the floor with him.

jason going “man.... this place is a dump” like i LOVE the irreverence.

everyone actually getting back up and also converging On the stage during the (kind of) acapella break.

and now your whole gang is up on the stage at the fancy ass appel room singing your what sounds like a mostly upbeat fun song but is actually about self medication with alcohol and it’s a fucking jam. i love the 3 solo songs and then bringing in everyone for a big group number.

sidenote not about this specific performance: the lyrics “i’ll pour some more and then—AND THEN?—i’ll pass out and then—AND THEN!” the and thens were not on the things to ruin album and i wonder why not ALL the time. was it just deemed extraneous? or was this an innovation after the album was recorded?

i love that you can see the band singing along.

yesterdays / i can’t relate. i love this song i fucking love it. i love the synthy keyboard that was an active choice made. which means that joe is not the one accompanying jared in this song.

jared: i hate today. joe: *snorts in the background*

“i like music you can hold” -> old records black suits, susannah’s obsession with music which was of course in vinyl format back then

will once said hearing lgw was very exciting because he’s first and foremost a fan of joe’s so he was hearing a new joe song for the first time and the world got just a bit larger and i think about that quote a lot in relation to this song because i was like Oh i Get What He Means now because this is the first new joe song i heard since like getting into his work and i felt that world getting a bit bigger.

jared’s monotone chorus on top of the girls underneath is so good. it’s so fucking good i cannot.

liz lark brown velociraptor fuckin classic. specifically in this performance the weird ass electric guitar noise at “there’s a dinosaur” is SO good. i love it.

i know people say Trans Vibes from next song (jeff) but this song also gives me trans vibes. i think joe inadvertently writes stuff trans people relate to because of his propensity to write for People Who Are Different.

people cheering as will takes off his jacket hell yeah.

i am way more used to the jeremy morse version of this song and really consider it more his so it’s so fun to hear will sing it.

i love the canon of the “oh”s so much.

after will sings “i go to the window looking out and what do i see? myself just staring back at me.” and someone in the audience AUDIBLY goes “oh.” like what a MOMENT. way more subtle than when someone screamed “WHAT” at the “naked korean girl” reveal during the pipe night performance but on the same tier of Great Audience Reactions.

smooth fuckin gliss bro i love it. arms out by side. i love it.

Classic Jason Sweettooth Williams Singing Helen. but this time they added like some REAL like. oh god i have no idea how to describe it. electric crunchy electric guitar noises. and it’s so good.

i havent mentioned this yet but in the background of every song people who are not in it or are backup vocals are just sitting and jamming along and it’s so nice because me fuckin too.

honest to god just have to give a timestamp for this but bullet point for whatever the fuck eric is doing in the background here.

will and katrina circling each other singing directly into each other’s faces. so good.

the Unexpected dynamic change and following crescendo i am Living.

katrina rose dideriksen riffing up top. yes. YES.

joe starting to play helen sharp and then forgetting part of his introduction to the song is so good.

the inevitable laughter at any performance of this song at “it is not lost on me you’re all here at my show”

i know nothing about the movie death becomes her so i honestly always just think about joe when this song gets performed. also thinking about how in the youtube premiere of this song, joe was talking about how lauren was shouting out the names of all the musical theater composers joe is jealous of.

right place/wrong time. i read a bsol review a while ago about how katrina rose dideriksen was underutilized and gotta say i Agree holy Shit let her sing More.

i also remember how joe once said this song felt the most personal to him and that he cried when writing it

police siren piano.

the first time in this entire song they sing in sync is at the line “i wonder if his/her life is just like mine” and i just start screaming.

when eric and katrina turn to each other for the first time and start singing At each other!!!!!!!!!!!

honey! thinking about jen ash tep talking about how Each performance of this song gets Wilder and Wilder.

love it when nick just gets off the stage and starts singing to people in the audience. apparently one of the people was will’s mom lol.

ACAPELLA BREAK!!!!!! joe just fully gets up from piano and starts WILDLY clapping along!!!!

woman of a certain age! i remember when the live show happened the album had not come out yet and then when the yt premiere of it happened it Had been out for a week or so.

piano note elevator bell

the electric guitar is doing some fucking weird ass things in this song and i am living so fucking much for it.

the riffs badia does are so fucking incredible i immediately paused this video to go and watch her sing big fat ruby again just because i wanted more badia content.

the story behind old flame is so good and joe waiting until the last fuckin moment to give her the song is so fuckin funny.

i love love love these types of joe songs that are like 7 minute long story epics like right place/wrong time and the actress and ammonia and old flame.

“the best way to get past the past is to shoot it in the head” and then the audience cheers and i fucking love it. my commentary is getting shorter. it’s 6 am and i’m tired can you tell. i also just had a lot of thoughts about this early on and less thoughts about later on.

revolution song. the deep ass fucking electric bass is So good i Will go apeshit. like honestly that might be my favorite smaller detail of this song. like i imagine if i were in the room it might be loud and deep enough that i could feel it In my chest. like you can Feel the revolution coming.

i love the faster tempo revolution song has in the cabaret version.

i also love the cabaret specific lines of “evolution in the institution”

joey is a punk rocker was honestly not ever on the list of songs i thought would get performed here but im so glad that they did. like the obvious choice would have been veins for annie golden but they went this route. obsessed with this choice. obsessed with the fact that amphibian replaced this song as the act 2 opener. obsessed that annie is the one singing this.

i am never not screaming about wave and yall know this. just throwback to me losing it in the tags in a reblog of picture of the wave passage going on about how it really does mirror joe’s career and bmc specifically. and again this song being performed for the first (?) time since bmc closed makes the “so today on a hill in las vegas” and onward part SO fucking sad i literally just started crying. the entire song being in past tense up until that part. i will just go die now.

will in the yt premiere talking about texting the line “our energy would simply prevail” in the leadup to bmc coming back.

find the bastard. for some reason when this happened live i thought it was gonna be outlaw that was performed. 

i swear to god it is literally physically impossible for me not to AT LEAST mouth along to “what’s your name, what’s your name” during this song

NAMES ARE FOR ACCOUNTANTS.

MY NAME IS AWFUL LONG AS IT’S THE LYRICS OF THIS SONG.

the goodbye song. it’s never not sad. i love love love that this song is the final song every concert. i also love the recent lore of finding out that penny dreadfuls was the encore song at concerts before they became too long and it had to get cut.

finally gonna mention the background car lights. what a beautiful backdrop.

also since im always on my wrol bullshit i love how fucking clearly you can hear him at the end

accelerando accelerando accelerando. insert [joe iconis peaked when he wrote the accelerando in the goodbye song post of mine].

katrina singing an octave up is always SO fucking impressive i am so impressed by her voice she is so fucking good i love her so much

the bows are so fucking sweet i love them.

goodnight it’s 7 am.

[calocera]

SPOILERS FOR CATS 2019, here’s my hot takes and opinions

be warned, THIS IS LOOOONG

First off my overall opinion, i LITERALLY cannot say whether it was good or bad, like lots of critics say it just...is beyond that. It’s VERY fun and that’s all I can bring myself to say, I have LOTS of problems with it but I can’t even say that they make the movie bad. It is definitely worth watching

OPINIONS ON CHARACTERS:

Victoria: she’s good! I appreciate that they kinda left her personality blank other than her innocence since that’s pretty much how she always was, still not super thrilled with her as a main character but franchesca did the best she could

Munkustrap: I loved him! he was more of a main character than I would have expected, but they STILL cut all the charm from his lines... why do I love him then? Robbie fairchild did AMAZING background acting, whenever he was in frame he was always doing something SUPER munkustrap-y and making cute dad faces. he was dealt bad lines but he worked around it best he could. Also his legs were normal so...epic fail

Mistoffelees: 😒😒😒😒😒🤢🤢🤮 disappointed but not at all surprised...he was just a Woobie, a softboy uwu nice guy. I felt like I was seeing fanon 2013 loki in cat form. THEY MADE HIS SONG A SADBOY PITY PARTY SONG...WHY WOULD YOU MAKE THE 11 O’CLOCK NUMBER SLOW AND SAD???? Where is the smug little shit who’s vague and aloof yet confident and joyous? He was murdered by his evil homophobic shadow clone. I’m not even gunna indulge the fact that him and Victoria were a thing, I’ll go over that later. He also just constantly looked like the crying cat meme his eyes were so red and watery it was horrifying, yet somehow he wasn’t the worst character , that leads us too.....

tugger: what.the.fuck.did.you.do.to.this.boy. HE GOT THE TREATMENT I EXPECTED FOR MUNKUSTRAP! HE WAS DEMOTED TO BACKGROUND CHARACTER! not only did he not sing mr. mistoffelees, he literally did nothing other than his song, he never interacted with ANY characters besides jenny in 1 scene. I know cats has no set main characters but he’s undoubtedly one of the most important characters and he’s like...the least important named character in the movie. ALSO Jason Derulo was not sexy at all. There was NO hip thrusting NO sexy meowing NO glamrock, he was just an asshole and if I hadn’t already seen the original I would have either completely forgotten about his character or though he was the worst character. I’m so fucking angy I cannot express.

Girzzabella: ngl I expected better. Her acting was great but with the horrible effects I couldnt get invested but I’ll touch on the effects later. Her singing was good, but I expected it to carry the movie and it wasn’t at all the best song in the movie, I’d say she’s about as good as I expected she’d be but the movie itself was more enjoyable than I expected so she was less significant

Old d: she was fine, she LOOKED the part definitely, she didn’t have as large a presence as ken page but I wouldnt expect that of her. Her singing wasn’t the greatest though, her voice is fine by it’s just NOT suited to old d’s songs. I would have preferred she play a female gus bc her voice is very sweet and frail, not at all built for belting like her songs required.

Macavity: he’s just...eh. He’s basically a comic relief villain which sucks. He does practically nothing besides kidnap people, say a cheesy line, and act like a caricature of a 90s cartoon villain (and not one of the fun ones) like theres a scene where he poofs away and when he does it he goes, MACAvityyyyyyy and fades away its so unintentionally funny but it just makes him so lame as a villain. not to mention he doesnt even die at the end or get any satisfying conclusion he just gets stuck on top of a statue and his powers suddenly stop working (for some reason??)

Bombalurina: fuck that, I am simultaneously glad she only was in the macavity number bc fuck off Taylor Swift but also disappointed bc she deserved so much better.

Bustopher: 😟 never in my darkest nightmares did I think I’d see bustopher Jones deepthroat multiple crayfish but here we are. Somehow THIS was the most sexual song, I cannot begin to name the fetishes checked off by this performance bc itd hit word limit. Let me just say that I said multiple times out loud, “damn bustopher kinda a freak with it 😏😏” like I CANNOT stress how weirdly sexual it gets. And ofc its all otherwise just haha funney fat guy eat food and burp and fall down. He also breaks the fourth wall a few times which like, fuck you

Jenny: exactly what was shown in the trailer. Unfunny fat jokes and slapstick humor. Also they focused WAY too many shots on her cat pussy and I wish I was making that up. Also of note is that the cgi on the rats and cockroaches are drastically worse than the rest of the movie, like not just bad designs the effects are BAD. also they translated they whole gumbie cat fur-shedding as her wearing fake skin over her outfit which would be fine but UHH the fake fur is skin tight??? so it literally looks like shes ripping off her skin and she does it multiple times its fucking terrifying

Mungojerrie and rumpelteazer: meh, they are fine as characters, not quite as energetic as I would have liked but they didn’t massively fuck anything up? The song was horrible, they went against the beat for...some reason? Like it’s a song with a very distinct rhythm and they split up the lyrics so weirdly. I liked that they followed through with the lore of them working for macavity

Skimbleshanks: YES YESSSSSSSSSS HOLY FUCKING SHIT 💗💕💖💞💜😳😳😳😳😳😳😳💜💛🧡💚💖❤️💗 i absolutely CANNOT express how good skimbleshanks made me feel. He looks like a leather daddy with his chains and suspenders and hat and stache, I hate that I’m saying this but uh...mr skimbleshanks sir😳 we were actually screaming it was so fucking good. Watching this movie was worth it just for skimble. Unironically. I’m listening to the song as we speak. It was kinda weird that they moved the tap dancing to this song but that’s more of a detractor from Jennie’s and a plus side to skimbles since it’s good tap

Gus: good! Ian did a good job of course, no one doubted that he would.

Growltiger and griddlebone: not racist but still absolutely horrifying. One of the worst parts of the movie, I actually got squeamish looking at griddlebone a few times that’s how bad she looks

Everyone else: not that good. I couldn’t tell who was who, all their personalities were annoying, I’m on imdb as we speak trying to figure out who even was supposed to be who. Demeter is completely butchered and jemima just isn’t there, doesn’t sing her part, it all sucked man.

Tech talk:

CGI: okay so here’s the thing, the effects are good. GREAT even, the issue is how fucking horrible the designs are. The lack of cat nose, mouth, and hairy cheeks makes them all look disgusting. Also the feet. Holy fuck why do they have feet. THERES A FUCKING SCENE WHERE TUGGER GRABS VICTORIAS FOOT AND SNIFFS IT. IT LASTS LIKE 5 SECONDS. Old Deuteronomy, Gus, and Cassandra (bc she was already bald) are the only characters I’d say look anywhere close to decent, grizabella looks okay in profile but head on it’s all horrible again. its really such a shame bc the sets are gorgeous! i really hope this movie gets some form of recognition for its sets.

the editing and directing was DOGSHITTTTTTT there are SO many scenes where characters just teleport or parts where people are singing and no ones mouths are moving its really distracting

Other things:

it’s OBVIOUS that the critics calling this movie horny have never seen the original. I’d definitely say the movie is LESS HORNY than the play. It IS however waaaaaaay more uncomfortable with its hornieness, so I’d say in that regard YES, the horny stuff is much more gratuitous and off putting despite there being an overall smaller amount than the play. ie everything bustopher jones does

They changed a BUNCH of lyrics for some reason?? Like they cut verses which I understand but there are like a handful of lyrics in almost every song they just...change. like...okay? All changing lyrics is gunna do is make people who knew the songs frustrated when they can’t sing along

the dancing was incredible! shame the cg just fucking invalidates all of it bc your mind doesnt register it as real people doing real moves

OKAY THE FUCKING CATNIP SCENE so when taylor swift showers everyone in catnip they all just fucking start moaning and go FULL HORNY its TOO MUCH like misto full on does an o face like eyes rolled back mouth open  and munkustrap is like ass up panting i still havent processed it im fucking terrified to encounter it again. they cut the orgy? yet added THIS??? k

WHY did they take 2 of the most iconic characters who FREQUENTLY interact and just

a. Never even have them make eye contact

b. Make 1 a background character

c. Completely change the personality of the other one

On the topic of Victoria/misto: I am just still at a loss as to why they thought it’d be a good idea? They completely removed Plato and for what? This? Pathetic. It’s worth noting the weirdly munkustrap has WAYYY more chemistry with both Victoria AND mistoffelees then they did with each other (there’s a part where it looks like misto and munk are about to kiss for some reason?? munk ALSO gets all touchy feely with skimbleshanks???) anyways munkustrap king moments

tldr; its worth watching, the best parts were the sets, the dancing, skimbleshanks, and munkustrp fucking CARRIES the weight of the world with his face acting. the worst things were a big fat tie between bustopher, tugger,misto,jenny,growltiger and griddlebone, and the godawful design choices

[iwriteficsandmore]

As a Villain Stan Chapter 266 broke me, did you think Hawks was capable of doing something like this? I've always seen him as little more... chill and relaxed? i guess? i didn't think he'd actually go for the kill, especially as we havent seen heroes do that before in the series (I mean look at AFO, he is the worst of the worst and they just locked him up). I think this is a big turn in the series if we're actually going to have each side kill each other

Oh, I like this ask! Okie, here’s my scattered thoughts organized a bit, hope you can make sense of them :) For those who’re up to reading this (if it wasn’t obvious by the ask) this will contain spoilers for ch266. I know it’s out officially already but some may not have read it/be caught up to it. Also, in case I dive in to some not so savory topics, do practice discretion. You’ve been forewarned!

Okay, so I’ve separated this answer into 3 parts for you so it’s easier to digest and read :) Pardon the grammar and stuff! Also I realized how freaking long it got after writing so I’m gonna just leave it under ‘read more’.

1. Hawks’ killing someone. 

Short answer: yes. It’s always been in the back of my mind that Hawks is capable of such a thing. Setting headcanons aside as much as I’m able to, if we look into his background, the guy was basically indoctrinated into the whole ‘hero’ business. Though a vague comparison and quite a stretch, it kind of reminded me of child soldiers and how’re their trained from a young age for the one purpose. A single difference I see is that Hawks is capable of individual thought. That is to say, he isn’t totally lost his sense of self because of his upbringing as the commission’s trained ‘hero’. But the way I’ve seen it through canon, that same sense of self was greatly shaped by the way he was saved. 

Take for example how he says he wants a world where hero’s have more free time than they know what to with thing. The way I’ve seen it, is that it’s a singular idea coming from his experiences, shaped by the life he’s led but in itself shaped by what they’ve made him out to be. If he were a normal hero (i.e. had wanted to become one by his own volition and gone through the whole ordeal like any other kid like the kids from UA or Shiketsu), sure he’d want peace but I highly doubt it’d be so the world and people could rest easy. The way I see it (and this is with the knowledge that we truly don’t know what his own intentions are), if villains are gone and heroes have more free time, it’d allow him freedom that he’s never experienced since the time he got picked up by the Public Hero Comm. 

I’ll stop at this example since I’m starting to dig into my own headcanon, but this is what I’ve got so far. I’m not one to overanalyze but given what little we know about his past and upbringing and coupled with the way he was ‘raised’ to be a hero, I was prepared for him to do what he believes has to be for the sake of what mission he’s given. His whole purpose in life has been to be a hero, and what does a hero do? They assure the safety of the populace regardless of the cost. Be that cost come from them or the minority that will be hurt by what they do. 

2. Ideology of Heroes and Villains. 

As for the point that we haven’t seen a hero do that before, I completely agree. We haven’t. But imo that’s the brilliance of this chapter and overall the build-up we’ve seen to this arc. That is taking into account that Twice has indeed been killed by Hawks (cuz there’s a small part of me that thinks maybe, just maybe he’s still alive. I really like the fellow TwT).

The idea we have of a hero (especially someone like Hawks who, as you said, has’t given off that ‘image’) is a makeshift idea that we’ve had ingrained into us. It’s funny how innately we are aware of the definition of heroes and villains without bothering to think where or how that idea itself formed in our heads. Heroes do the right thing, they are good, and that, by proxy, means not killing. Villains are, by lack of a better word, the bad guys. They hurt others, they’re selfish, and by extension, they’re capable of killing. It’s what the media and other mediums of entertainment have taught us with their archetypes. 

But it’s something that, through this chapter and arc, has been cracked in the minds of some and completely broken in the minds of others. Idk if you’re aware (and if i’ve heard things right) about how some Hawks stans are starting to drop him after this chapter and after what he did to Twice. Frankly, I couldn’t care less about those people, but they’re reaction is something that interested me quite a bit. More so the way, they could make such a split second decision with the one action. This is why I’m freaking loving this arc. After ‘my villain academia’ arc, Hori has given us a reason to care about these characters. About Toga, about Twice, about Compress, about Spinner, about Dabi, and especially about Shigaraki. But let’s cut the middle man out and go straight into the one that got this whole ball rolling: Twice. I’ve been in love with the League ever since the Overhaul arc, because since then is when I saw how this little group of misfits was starting to become a wholesome family unit. You saw a little of that in the Kamino arc but imo it started way back in the Overhaul arc. Since then we’ve been implanted with little reasons to like these characters and empathize with them and it was all in preparation for the a grand, bombastic punch in the gut that was the Meta Liberation Army arc. Imo, this chapter may have looked like the turning point, and it may have certainly been, but the damn match that started it all was that arc. It gave readers a reason to care about ‘the others’ and instead of villains, we now have this idea of people ostracized by a society that didn’t give them the opportunity to be themselves. That arc dealt with the cemented idea of ‘villains’.

This chapter dealt the blow to the other side of this coin. Hawks killing Twice, a person we’ve seen to be the product of the very world and society the heroes upheld, was the last drop to shatter the idea of them being all good. We’ve seen/heard of villains killing heroes, but, as you said, we haven’t been privy of the idea of heroes killing villains in this story. And even if we had, that’s not what made this the huge deal that it became. It’s not because it happened that the community is shocked, but because it happened to a character we love. That we became attached to. That we came to know. 

Think of it this way. It’s the same reason why it pained us when Nighteye died. We knew Nighteye’s motivations, his hopes, his dreams for the future. And though we knew a little bit of Overhaul, we had been most exposed to Nighteye’s pov. This time, that got turned around on us. Yes, we love Hawks (I stan the damn birb brain) but we don’t really know him. We know the hero, we don’t know the person. Twice, on the other hand, we’ve known the villain. We’ve knew him as Twice when he first got introduced and then got to know him as Bubaigawara Jin. We got to know the person, not just the villain. And it was a shock to see that person die by the hands of what amounts to a completely stranger. 

Sorry I’ve gone overboard but I just freaking love this arc for the gut punch it’s serving. It’s quite a simple story writing technique if you strip it down to its bare bones. You give the character importance and it gives weight to their existence. And once you’ve got that weight added, it’s easy to toy around with it. It can make us cheer for them, hate them, empathize with them, and, as is in this case, pain us when they’re gone. 

3. Turning point

Like I said before, I agree this is a turning point, not so much for the story but for the stakes involved. We care about both sides, we’ve become attached. So in the end, no matter if more are to die and more to the point, who kills who if it comes down to it, we are gonna get the damn feels of a lifetime. I don’t doubt there’s gonna be losses from both sides. Losses we are gonna mourn like hell. And, if I’m being completely honest though I hope against hope that I’m wrong, I am preparing myself mentally to see Hawks die or be physically handicapped after this arc. If he isn’t, holy crap will that have been the most tense arc of the story for me. If he does, well, I think we’ll be as saddened by it too.

Well that’s as much as I’ve got. Hope it answered your question is a little bit :D I don’t usually write meta-commentary but it was fun to do this :3

[whirlibird]

Your posting of fate makes me wanna try watching it again but I have NO IDEA where it's supposed to start smwnwnj

<3 <3 <3 To Think I Am Being Rewarded For My Behaviour Of Spamming Anime Posts....

but yea GOTTA LOVE FATE it gets wild!!! it is pretty hard to get started and i cant say im the best to give recommendations since i havent even seen everything dfhjgsdgf but i will give it my best shot!

fate stay night is where fate started, and the easiest place to start *that* would be the fate/stay night unlimited blade works anime by ufotable

it should be on crunchyroll, thats where i watched it. it lacks a few things but gets most of the themes right, which is what’s important. the animation is also baller and its a fun watch! very good intro to the series.

https://www.crunchyroll.com/fatestay-night ‘tis here if you wanna hop in

alternatively, you can also start with fate/zero, which is a prequel to fate stay night.

theres quite a good anime adaptation - i wouldn’t personally recommend it to start with, bc its a bit too dark and lacks optimism for my tastes, which isnt really reflective of fate as a whole? at least imo. it is good, though - or at least, enjoyable?

listen, it has lancelot du lac jump on top of a fighter jet and chase king gilgamesh around on it while screaming and firing a minigun! while rock music plays!

tangent, but fate has the best lancelot take of any adaptation ive seen so far because it actually remembers that a major part of his character is his Emotional Delicacy and his tendency to regularly go batshit when faced with difficult problems. fate really said “what if we manifested the second most mary sue knight in all of arthuriana, but like, only from the times when he went insane and ran off naked into the woods”

and also gave him a gun!

i love lancelot

anyway. it also provides some background for fate/stay night and adds some depth and reinforcement to the Juicy Themes(TM) behind fate, which is the main appeal of the franchise. that and the extremely off-the-walls bullshit they come up with sometimes.

i started with the unlimited blade works anime, lost my mind over archer, and then sort of passively consumed fate by just...seeing posts that turned up on my dash about it, or from friends talking to me abt some of the wilder shit that happens.

fate meta is incredibly enjoyable to read bc theyre just hog wild and occasionally give me emotional whiplash from how fucking weird fate is, but also how emotionally compelling some of the Themes(TM) are

then i got into fate grand order bc i read a post analyzing the character motivations of salieri, you know, the musician, who in fate is actually the manifestation of the rumors that he killed mozart, and has a Lot of issues about this

he first shows up in an alternate timeline of russia where everyone had to become furries in order to survive permawinter

because aliens

fate grand order is a gacha mobile game and i cannot even begin to describe what its deal is. it starts slow but gets very, very good later on.

but yeah fgo sucked me back into fate, permanently this time, and im STILL working my way thru fate content

there is so much fate content, oh my god

on the plus side you wont run out and most of it is self-contained so you can just stop at your favourite

the one downside of the anime adaptations is that they dont go in as deep on the characters and their dynamics with each other as the visual novel does, so some of the finer details that really make the themes Pop dont get across, which is a shame. but also it doesnt really matter when youre first getting into fate? you can just start at UBW, and if you like it, mosey along into the other stuff when you so feel like it

(sidenote - there isnt a decent anime adaptation of the fate route - it’s the first of three routes that make up fate/stay night, before unlimited blade works and heaven’s feel. each of the three routes do build up on each other, and the fate route is chronologically first, but. well. an anime adaptation of fate route does exist, but its kind of a mess, and also combines stuff from other routes, which isnt great)

this went on a lot longer than i expected but i hope it helps!

tl;dr start with the fate stay night unlimited blade works anime, and then go from there :D

[soaringsearingphoenix]

You tease us about your life and put it in the tags but I would read a whole book about it. Your dad is a professional stunt man? And they have to hire them to fall down stairs?? Did he ever teach you any secrets?

Shush!! That was in the tags!!

Yeah my dad was a professional stuntman. It’s pretty dangerous so he doesn’t really do the whole “falling down stairs” and “getting hit by cars” thing now, but he’ll still be on sets once in a while as a stunt coordinator or a precision driver. (Precision driving is just any driving that takes place on a movie set - anything short of stunt driving, which is where you skid and jump over stuff and hit things)

I imagine when you say “secrets” you mean do i know how to fall or stage a fight and the answer is no. I think he didnt really want to encourage us to follow in his footsteps? And i wasnt exactly an athletic kid anyways. He is the one who taught me how to drive, though, which doesnt so much mean i’m a good driver as that i am a confident driver. But credit where credit is due, even though we bickered about driving he did make sure i practiced anything i wasn’t comfortable with until it was muscle memory.

Which isn’t to say i didn’t learn some secrets!! He knows the tricks of the trade, so he will point out little details in movies. Sometimes he was there! “In this scene, they had the glass hooked up to a system that would shatter it perfectly, but one of them didn’t work, so if you watch the left side, the whole panel just falls out.” Sometimes he wasn’t there, but recognizes the techniques used. “Oh, her hair is covering her face in that shot, so it’s probably a stunt double there.” And every once in a while, he will accidentally spoil a movie he’s never seen before as we’re watching it, because he’ll recognize some guy he knows who’s playing an extra and be like “hey! That’s Tony. He does ratchet pulls a lot. Watch, there’s about to be an explosion or something and he’ll go flying,” and sure enough within five minutes the guy is getting launched across the screen. I am not kidding. He did this when we were watching one of the Jurassic Park sequels.

I havent seen a lot of the movie’s he’s in, partly because they’re older and less well known, partly because i was too young for them when we would have watched them together, and partly because even when you can see his face it’s like... that’s my dad, who i love, getting punched and stuff. It’s fun to point him out when you see him for two seconds in the background of a peaceful scene though, or when a robot or something walks by and you’re like “that’s him in there!! That’s my dad!!”

Oh, the other secret I guess is that sometimes he will tell me a little bit about a movie set he’s on, and i might get to see the costume he’s in, but it’s not like i get to have the pictures because you can actually get in a bunch of trouble with the producers if you share behind the scenes stuff before the movie is out. People are secretive about their movies.

I remember once in high school i mentioned that my dad was in movies and someone in class was like “wow! Does that mean you’re, like, famous?” I think maybe if you have to ask someone if theyre famous, then the answer is probably no. But what do i know, i’m just an out of touch celebrity

I’m totally kidding. We really do not live a glamorous life. We watch the SAG awards in addition to the Oscars on TV and that’s about it. Oh, and six degrees of separation is really fun. If you know me, and i know my dad, and he has worked with Samuel L Jackson once, congrats youre like two degrees from Sam. I have not met these celebrities personally. Im just one degree away from ‘em. And thats about how i like it.

[sirenasinsib]

Spider

If you Like it please don't for get to press that Reblog! its means a lot to me!

WOW I havent posted in a while, been working on my own stuff but here is some personal works. Expecet to see alot of content of Spider and Viper. Ive been playing a ton of Titanfall so im in that mood rigt now. 

Fandom: Titanfall

Relatonship: Viper/OC Character

Warnings: Very long clocking in around 3260 Words! Explict language, canon violence, mutual pinging, build to relationship, and smut at the end!

He really didn't see why the ship was built to have a limited number of dorms. It was hard to find a spot and claim it as yours when it's already six members and their Titan, but the recent addition made it just a bit harder.

Spider, he was told, was to be dorming with him. Sloane and Ash were already in one room as was Ritcher and Kane, and he preferred to not have one of the other two males to be dorming with him, he saw how messy they kept theirs. Blisk's room was of course off limits. They were just about to take off when he heard a knock on the door before it slid open. Spider was there with only 2 duffle bags. She walked in quietly looking around the room.

The "kitchen" was towards the front of the room, right beside the entrance, a couch and TV opposite of it. Towards the back were two beds in opposite corners and lockers on both sides. The left side was noticeable more used with the bed sheets being almost completely off the bed, an extra locker that was slightly open due to the amount of tech it was holding. She took to the right side. Placing her duffle bags on the bed. Viper didn't focus on her as she moved around. He would have to just get used to another person in the room.

It was actually quite easy getting used to another person in the same room as him. The first week she slept with most of her gear on. The second week he noticed she would get up very early, earlier than Ash even, he didn't know where she went at the time, too busy trying to get more sleep before the day started. Hawk, his titan, told him later where Spider went. Often she went to the Titan hanger bay and got into her own Titan, JD. 

She appears to be under stress. JD has stated that they are not used to working with others. He also stated that she fears word of her being with the Apex Predators might get out and someone from her past may try to capture her.

Hawk spoke into the link as he worked on one of her thrusters. 

Is she that valuable of a member if she needs protection?

You were only a Predator if you had the skills. Needing protection meant you were weak. 

Calculations suggest a 78% better performance in missions with the assistance of a Monarch Titan and Pilot. It is also easier to be assisted, that is a possible reason why they joined instead of remaining in hiding. They were on low ammo and power, yet we’re able to steal just enough from both Militia and IMC units without being caught. 

It was one of their first real big missions after joining. They were to defend a couple of units going in to steal information and escort them out and to extraction. Spider had JD watch the back as she jumped from rooftop to rooftop calling out as well as distracting. 

“Would be nice if I got some help! Got a Legion hiding with an Ion!”

Kane yelled over the comms. Viper was on the far side of the complex and was dealing with his own Titan, same with the others when he heard Spider speak up. 

“On the way, can you distract them?”

“I’m in a fucking Scorch you bug! What do you think?!”

He spotted JD quickly running to the back of the area, halting slightly he guessed to pick up Spider before he started to hear the faint rattle of an electric charged XO-16.

“Enemy shields down! Kane?!”

He heard Kane laughing along with the roar of a Flame core activating and the sound of a Titan exploding. 

“Enemy Legion down.” 

Kane’s Titan spoke. Spider had to back up from a placement of Anti-Rodeo smoke when the Ion charged out with a vengeance. The monarch shot a few rockets and even an energy siphon before charging against the Ion. Then the radio filled with a hatch opening and a loud Metallic BAM. 

“Systems restored. Enemy pilot down.”

JD spoke. They had executed a Titan, and stole its battery. That was smart and ballsy Viper thought.

“Both teams got the data! Time to go!”

Blisk yelled into the comms, the roar of his Predator Cannon in the background. Viper dashed to the location of his team to defend as the others followed suit. Ash, Spider, and Kane made it back to his location while Blisk, Sloane, and Ritcher made it to their spot. Viper took to the skies, circling the group as Kane to the front and the other two took to a side. They would have a long walk to evacuation as they kept the enemy off their back and made sure that the ground troops stayed together. 

It was a long walk getting to extraction. They had to stop twice to make sure that they weren't followed and to give the ground troops rest since they didn't have a Titan. It was dark when they did their second stop deciding to rest a little before getting the last few miles in and getting off the planet. 

"Spider, Viper, you're on first watch. Sloane, Ash, you’re next, one hour." 

Blisk told them before finding a spot for his Titan to hunker down and both of them rest. Spider and Viper walked a bit away from the group before they found a spot. Spider hopped out of the Titan onto its hand as it lifted her up to the top of its chassis. She had a DMR in one hand with a ration bar in the other. Viper decided it would be a good time to eat as well. 

They sat in silence save for the whir of both Titans. Occasionally Spider would grab her DMR and look into the forest, he didn't see why, the titans would pick up on anyone approaching faster than they would, unless it was cloaked units but he didn't say anything. The hour passed uneventfully and Ash and Solane soon came to take their spot. Spider got back into her Titan as Viper moved Hawk to a spot and the other pair went to their own. 

"Viper? Can I ask you a favor?"

He turned from the blueprints for Hawk. Spider had grown more easy to get use to, she talked more. Sparred with the rest a few times. She seemed unsure right now. 

He spoke "Depends."

"My arm, I need another hand or set of hands to fix the connections and make sure the rotators aren't getting any build up or are worn down."

He was surprised to find her asking for help, he seen the way she reacted to others touching it when not fighting. 

"I wouldn't be asking if I didn't think you were capable, and I trust you a helluva lot more than the rest of the lot."

"Really, not very smart."

She gave a snort. "I seen the work you put on your Titan, as soon as you get this you're gonna do the same, besides, why purposely mess it up when I'm the one that keeps everyone's backs cleared."

It was quiet for a moment. 

"Fine. Blueprints?"

She tossed a small flash drive to his hands as she turned her focus to getting her arm off. He saw out of the corner of his eye, she pressed a button before twisting and pulling off the arm and placed it on the desk before turning

"I'm going to get cleaned up, you know how to find me."

They were sparing. He would never admit it out loud but she was one of the hardest predators to fight against. Sloane had a pattern, Ash wasn't fluid, Kane was easy to get dizzy, Ritcher you just let him do all the hard work of runnin around, Blisk favored his right side, but Spider? She dodged another lock, ducking quickly and she slid up right beside him, their gear rubbing against each other before she backed up from another swing.

She was fast, graceful, and really fucking hard to hit. He had one more trick. He turned around and charged her, she sidestepped, just like he thought she would and quickly grabbed her arm, pulling her with and using his momentum to flip them as they landed on the ground. He placed his fist above her neck as the other held her arm.

“I won.”

She gave a quiet laugh before tapping her non trapped hand on his side, where the armor was weaker. 

“More like a stalemate. Besides. . .”

He gave a small head tilt before suddenly her legs pushed against him, flipping him above her head. He let go of her arm, trying to stop himself from flipping. She quickly rounded and got above him, trapping both hands in her metal one as she placed her weight on his thighs, keeping from him lifting his legs to do the same. 

“I won now.”

Ok so he may or may not be pinning for the skilled sniper sleeping in the same room as him, who can beat him in hand to hand combat, does not intrude into his space, while also being a helpful hand when it comes to modding Hawk, and she looks good. Viper gave a quiet groan at his thoughts as he let the water wash his sins off the wall before he turned off the water. Drying most of his hair before wrapping the towel around his shoulders and pulling on a pair of boxers. He stepped into the room he shared the person of his thoughts with. Spider was distracted, she had taken her DMR apart and cleaned it again. The jump to their next contracts always left her on edge. “How many times have you taken that apart now?” He asked as he pulled on his pilot gear. “In total or while you were in the shower?” She was being funny, noticing he was in there longer than usual. He shook his head but grinned. 

“Ha ha very funny.” 

“Huh really, am I getting better at jokes? But in reality probably not a good idea to use a lot of hot water, you know how the boss and Kane get when they cant basically melt their skin off. There are other ways to relax.” His brain short circuit, did she really mean?-No that's just his thoughts, Spider didn't seem like the type to get attached to coworkers, or offer to be a fuck buddy. He didn’t turn around to face her, rather not look at her and see if she was being serious, the mission wouldn't go right then. “Yeah I know it's called sleep.”

“Thats- “Five mins till we get to the drop, get your asses to your Titans!” Blisked yelled into the comms. Spider didn’t get a chance to finish what she was gonna say as Viper grabbed his weapons and the rest of his gear and rushed out the door, she followed suit. 

He didn’t understand why he was sent on a solo mission, but he was told to for some reason, he guessed it was the fact no one knew his face, so he had to. He was ready to get back to being on the ship and rather deal with his personal issue then do another solo mission, he missed the small comfort of being assisted should things go south. 

He walked into the room quietly, it being late on the ship, and set down his duffel bag. The room looked mostly the same, another Sniper had been added to Spider’s desk, while a few Titan parts were placed on his, most likely due to Spider, she often found bits he was needing to get. Her bed was surprisingly empty seeing how she wasn’t in the hanger and he saw no one in the training room when he passed by. 

He looked to his bed, ready to sleep in his gear and deal with the pain later when he saw something in it. Spider was under the covers, wearing one of his shirts surprisingly and hugging his pillow. He turned not sure how to deal with her and decided to change. He heard the bed creak slightly as he changed and glanced back seeing Spider sit up. 

“Sorry I didn’t know you were back and I- the room felt different- I had problems sleeping and . . .”

She rambled before stopping, looking down and fiddled with the blanket before placing her hands beside her to get up. 

“I’ll get out of your way.”

“Spider.”

She paused and slowly looked up. He was close now, having changed. 

“If you want . . . you can stay.”

He didn’t want to admit but sleeping sucked when he was alone on the mission, the room felt barren without her. He missed her presence in general. 

“Oh-ok” 

She went towards the wall of the bed, grabbing her pillow and placing his back in the process as he got in. She hugged the wall as he faced the outside and he could feel her tension and it got on his nerves. He flipped over after sometime and placed a hand on her waist and held her.

“Relax.”

She took a deep breath calming herself before the two slowly drifted to sleep. They woke up with her head tucked under his chin and her own arms wrapped around his waist. They didn't speak about sleeping together, but they didn't stop either. He didn't know what to call whatever they had, sleeping together but not actually sleeping together. 

She was on a solo mission now. They needed someone who could go in and get close to the target without drawing attention. She volunteered actually. Pointing out that she still wasn't known as a Predator, and was an assassin before joining them. She got back two weeks later and immediately went to the med bay. The mission was successful but she had taken a few bullets, thankfully not in severe locations, removing glass shards, and trying to fix her arm. 

She was in a foul mood and no one bothered her, well except him of course. He had snatched her gear, arm and helmet mainly, the visor was cracked, as he set out to fix the two as she recovered. Once released from the med bay she was to rest and given a few more weeks for the nanites to do their job. 

He bothered her by watching movies, Top Gun and Edge of Tomorrow at least twice. Once healed she immediately went back to training, prepping her body after not having done so while healing. He joined her, bored out of his mind. 

"-nd I snapped his arm in half." 

She was talking about the mission as they spared. He stayed quiet letting her sort of vent before he blocked a swing from her. 

"Taught the ass to don't even think about touching someone without asking."

She spoke of someone following her, harassing her, while on the mission. She had gotten somewhere quiet and out of view before she attacked him after he touched her. While he was pissed that someone touched her, the fact that she broke his arm made him satisfied. He gave a groan hearing what sounded like metal on metal. 

His head was pounding yet he didn't even drink that much the night before. Spider was trying to be quiet, whipping up some food their bodies could handle while being slightly hungover. Eventually the noises stopped and he could tell lights were turned off. Cracking one eye open just a bit to see Spider in the kitchen eating whatever she made quietly, lost in her thoughts.

She was wearing one of his shirts again, he could see her shorts under the edge of his shirt but just barely. He looked away in his own thoughts before his eyes flicked back to her when she started moving. Bringing a bottle of water, medicine, and some food. 

"Are you always looking out for everyone?"

She hummed a bit as he sat up before speaking. 

"Guess it's just in my nature."

He gave a soft grunt as he was pushed onto the bed. Spider was quick to straddle him. She leaned down quickly, capturing his lips with hers and kissed hard. He kissed back just as hard as his hands grabbed her waist and head. He’s not sure how the make out session started. They were sparring again when it just got a little heated. OK more than a little, Spider had gained the upper hand and straddled his waist when he let out a tiny choked moan. She halted slightly, surprised by the noise before she moved but it felt like she purposely dragged her weight onto him more. Then they were hurrying back to their room, their gear quickly stripped away.

He was brought back to the present when Spider slowly kissed down his chest, her thumb flicking over a hardening nipple before kissing above his navel. She then tugged on his briefs, getting him to lift his hips as she pulled them off. Her hands felt along his thighs as she breathed over his cock. Slowly she gave the head a tiny kiss before giving a long lick on the underside. His breath was shaky but when she enveloped him with her mouth he let out a moan, his hands covering his face as she slowly bobbed up and down. Stopping at times to flatten her tongue on his head. 

"Fuck." He groaned out. 

Spider hummed, watching his reaction through her eyelashes. She continued before he started to pant harder, his hips slowly thrusting.

"Fuck-Spider-Ah!"

She quickly pulled off, her hand squeezing the base almost painfully keeping him for cumming. Slowly did he come from that high and she started to pump again. She crawled into his lap as she kept the slow pace, her other hand going to her cilt and rubbed lightly before slowly sliding a finger in. She matched her pumps, her finger sliding in as her hand went down. She continued even as she added a second and third. Once she felt stretched did she stop. 

Viper's hands went to her waist as she held him and slowly slid down a tiny moan coming out as she bottomed out. Then she rose and slid back down, her pace slow. His hands gripping her waist tight. She leaned down quickly kissing him as a hand went into his hair as the other braced near his head, his own hands moving, one to her hair, the other to the small of her back. 

The kisses were slow and sloppy, quiet pants came out between the kisses before Spider slowly increased her pace. They broke the kiss, letting their foreheads rest together. Quiet words spoken as the pleasure rose. 

"Nnnn-Viper-ah-Viper!"

"Fu-ck-Spider!"

They came with a shout. Spider giving a few thrust before slamming down hard and stilling. Small shakes went through their bodies as they breathed. Spider made a quiet whine as she pulled off him, feeling slick dribble out onto them both. She ran her hand through his hair slowly before giving a quiet grunt. 

"We need a shower."

"Is that an offer for round 2?"

He said with a grin causing a quiet laugh to escape her.  

"Only if you promise to help clean up the mess."

"Deal."

[rojnapat]

I havent seen skam fr season 4, and I've heard that it was a mess. Could you tell me what went wrong

ok, im going to say why it was awful to me personally, and im going to specifically address skam france not any other remake's s4. take in mind please that i am not muslim and i do not mean in any way to speak over anyone.

since you haven't watched it i'll give you a summary: imane's in love with a guy named sofiane. since sofiane doesn't believe in Allah, she can't be with him because of her religion. therefore she keeps her feelings hidden, which up until then, yeah, it does seem like something imane would do, but then manon comes into the story and that's where it gets fucking stupid. manon and sofiane sort of have a thing going literally nothing too serious. imane gets jealous so, like some sort of cheap telenovela, she takes advantage of the fact that she was studying with lucas at the flat, manon lent him her computer, so while lucas is distracted, imane e-mails charles (who DEFENDED his brother after what he did to manon) posing as manon asking him to come back. this leads to a lot of briefly mentioned background issues start to happen and they are all imane's fault bc of her completely out of character actions, let me give you a short list

- sofiane and charles get into a fight (a physical fight)

- everyone in the flat (lucas, mika, lisa and manon) fight bc no one knows who e-mailed charles

- lucas and eliott fight (ill get into this later)

- and ofc all the emotional stress manon is put through when she was obviously not ready to face charles much less fight with him (and they do, and it's really bad)

obviously when they find out (and about other thing with a dance contest, but that one i guess is DEBATABLE when it comes to being in character, the problem is that added up to the first thing it makes her look AWFUL) the girl squad DROPS HER as a friend, like straight up, it's not even implied. the girl squad unlike le gang is AWFUL this season they don't even TRY to be understanding and talk things out.

and that's where lucas and the elu part comes in, where, i don't know if the skamfr crew wanted to show us he was changed this bad because he's literally the only salvageable character in this season (out of the original characters, not including sofiane and idriss/imane's brother) and im not saying this as a lucas stan, because i fucking HATE the elu drama this season has, id much rather have him not show up at all, and even eliott pissed me off.

basically eliott and idriss have a bad past, eliott hides it from lucas, lucas misunderstands an interaction with idriss, brings it up with imane, and again, OUT OF CHARACTER, instead of bringing up this issue with eliott because, "hey, your dumb lie made my brother look like an homophobic asshole to my friend who is also your boyfriend!" was apparently too hard for her to say somehow, she made a vague comment that would make lucas feel upset and confront eliott and cause a fight.

anyway lucas is the only one that actually tries to place himself on imane's shoes and supports her in the little appearances he has, even after his drama with eliott. of course the girl squad eventually comes through and manon gets back together with charles because why the fuck not lmao! imane and sofiane end up together and i love them and in any case this season wasn't real they just met and fell in love!

tldr: the skam france crew did her character incredibly dirty by making her do out of character shit for the sake of drama. and it has so much background shit that is not about her!!! like the manon drama and the elu drama!!!! its like they just put all their focus on s3 and then just half assed s4. it sucks bc after s3 your expectations are really high, specially after how horrible og's s4 is.

p.s.: to anyone reading sorry if i missed anything i literally never rewatched that season and i never will