#the pay isn't *good* but it's not the worst I've ever made for sure

[onrainynights]

I'm about to be so annoying btw

[raayllum]

like Callum made the right choice in 5x08 for his character and the thematic narrative. Thematically, Rayla cannot permanently die (she's too sacrificial) nor can she have a partner, honestly, who'd be willing to sacrifice her like that. Callum also cannot be willing to sacrifice her like that for the life of a stranger dragon he's never met, or not take the dark magic risk; not only is this how he's always clearly been ever since S1 ("But not everything [has changed]: I would do anything for you") but doing so would make him exactly like the worst of Viren: "If you have to choose between [the world] or your brother, pick the egg." Callum is having a dark path arc, but he's not having an antagonist or villain arc.

That said, there's a reason Callum is Chained Up when he gives the spell and locked in a damp dark brig and has to use the snake-chain spell specifically, because TDP loves its irony: what gets more ironic than freeing yourself from chains in order to free and save your girlfriend, when you know in doing so you're chaining yourself further and further to the main villain and his will in doing so? When you know that you would?

There's a reason 5x08 ends with Callum looking scared and sad and the shot of the snakes, because those aren't fun things (hi Ocean arcanum epiphany) to learn or fully accept about yourself. There's a reason that what characters justify with "I had no choice" or "this is the right thing to do" isn't always the literal case. "I had to, to save my friends" or you could've left it. You could've tried something else than dark magic. But you didn't, because you thought that was the one thing you could do in order to not lose your friend, so you did it; You Made Your Choice.

For example, if we're talking what happened in 5x08 in a "this would keep The World 100% safe" type of deal? Callum fucked up twice. He gave the spell and he didn't know Finnegrin would be dead or unable to use it by episode's end. He did dark magic — with no idea that it wouldn't let Aaravos automatically possess him in that moment — because a world where he didn't even try and save her was worse to him. But it was a risk! Both of those things were massive risks!

Just because they didn't amount to the extreme consequences they could have had, yet, doesn't mean that they won't, since soo much of TDP is just "this thing had unforeseen/unwanted consequences as a result of the choices you made" (the loss of Rayla's team, Harrow's death, Sarai's death, the possession at all, Karim's banishment, Zubeia's corruption, Claudia's 5 season long descent, and I'm sure going to the Starscraper next season, just to name a few quick examples off the top of my head). As Harrow says:

H: But I do know I will pay the price for the choices I've made. I've done terrible things. I thought they were necessary. Now I don't know.

Rayla thought she had to leave; she didn't. Rayla thought she had to find Viren, twice; that wasn't true. She chose to leave both times. She also chose to come back both times. She could've doubled down, but she didn't. Viren, finally, didn't.

Every step forward is a choice.

That's true for Every Single Character in the show.

To deny them that is to deny the agency they do have in the circumstances they find themselves in; Soren could've not stabbed his father, Terry could've chosen to tackle rather than stab Ibis, Viren could've chosen to grieve his son. That doesn't mean they didn't have good reasons to do the things they were doing, that doesn't mean their justifications weren't strong, that doesn't mean they were necessarily wrong to do so. But they made Choices.

So did Callum. And he chose what regrets, sacrifices, and losses he could live with, in order to save the person he decided he couldn't live without.

It's that simple, and that complicated.

[carlarosenakilah]

I'm taking a break from The Osix Family and Wilted Ivory

Hi, you've read that right. I'll proceed to go into detail undercut

Warning that the following will be containing very sensitive topics such as su***idal thoughts, mental health issues, and whatever the fuck I went through to get me here and I don't know how to describe nor name them but overall its not pretty.

Getting straight to the point- im drained. I'm in a horrible place right now and I need to take a step back before it might escalate into something worse.

The Osix Family is always something that I will forever dedicate to. It has comforted me, carried me, and saved me from killing myself three years ago.

I asked myself, "If I'm not here, who will tell the story of The Osix Family?"

That made me stay alive, and im greatful for that because if not, I wouldn't have been where I am today standing with the coolest people I have ever met and my amazing partner in crime @alexusespido-dod.

I love Wilted Ivory too, and that's where it gets tricky.

My only plan for Wilted Ivory is to simply tell a story about growth expressed as a musical au. Hence why the art is so simple– not just to match the original Casino Cups style, but just to tell a story that I hope would inspire and comfort others. Of course, I'm happy it gained lota of love.

The Osix Family though is a different story.

Like I said, it means a lot to me, so I put so much time and energy into this series. I sacrifice time that could've been used to study for the next exam, but instead im working on the next few panels or planning the music and etc. Blood sweat and tears (literally) into making sure the art looks good, story is properly conveyed, scenes carefully picked. Even if it gained me bad scores in my exams that made me stress over about, in the end it was worth it to me. I didn't care if I'd be sick an unable to move, as long as I could at least think about it, then I would be happy.

Episode 3 was my worst.

I overworked myself for that episode. I was always in front of my tablet, I never moved out of my seat, I was just there, working on it even if it was 1 in the morning and that I should be sleeping. I told myself: "Everything will pay off! Sure you're in so much pain right now, but eventually it will all pay off! Episode 3 is looking good and interesting! This will FINALLY gain the audience and love the story deserves!"

I was proud.

Until I wasn't.

Reality hit me like a saw. The moment the episode was released I was hopeful. But nothing happened. It was all the same.

And it just hurt how something as simple as Wilted Ivory can easily gain attention and love because it was Cuphead related something well known. Meanwhile, The Osix Family–despite everything–is just barely seen.

I started to doubt myself. To question myself. Was I not doing enough. What more can I do. What should I do. Am I not good enough?

Is the story just not good enough?

That broke me. I began to have thoughts I shouldn't have. I wanted to end it all. I wanted to quit and disappear from the world. Because what was the point in pouring so much love into something only for it to dismissed.

Its not like I simply began having these thoughts.

I've had them over and over again.

As much as I hated involving him, my partner, Alex, had to deal with the many times I nearly ended it. To the point where even if he was in school, he'd go out of his way to stop me, I still feel guilty, even if he said it was fine.

I don't understand myself anymore.

Why do I even have such an attachment to this series? Its just a stupid silly series for funsies isn't it? Why does my life to depend on it?

Unfortunately, it just does.

It sucks. Pushing away my needs for the sake of this passion, only for it to just not go as I hoped it would go. Did I mention I'm also losing followers on the osix family blog? Thats so silly and coquette.

I'm so sorry if im coming off as guilt-trippy, please I don't want it to sound that way, I just want to express how deeply troubled I am because to me it actually DOES HURT.

I envy people who couldn't give a flying fuck about whether or not their stuff goes famous or gets love, I don't even understand why I am so dependent or hungry on whatever attention it gets. I hate that im like this. I want to be free from it but I just crave it.

So, for the sake of my mental health and whatever is left of my sanity, im taking a break, for good.

I will not be updating The Osix Family or Wilted Ivory at this very moment. For how long? It depends on how fucked up I have actually turned out to be today.

I might still post, keyword: MIGHT, its not any update but to just simply draw for myself, but the chances of me posting anything is horribly low.

I'm going to focus on myself, my needs, and whatever makes me happy or have fun with.

To those who supported The Osix Family or even bothered to check it out: Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

It means a lot to me, you have NO idea. Every single like, reblog, comment, hype or even the silliest amounts of theories or thoughts, they make me so happy, it actually heals me.

I can't remember names im sorry, but there was a time someone expressed how they were invested in the lore and loved the world building, it really made my day. Or when someone pointed out some small details on my waiting in a miracle animatic, it warmed my heart.

I have troubles expressing it, but im so, SO greatful.

Especially when some of my mutuals started making OCS FOR THE SERIES?? Like– it felt like a HUGE compliment.

I cant believe im tearing up as im typing this haha im so stupid lmao, but

Thank you. A lot.

And to those who weren't really into The Osix Family, its okay, don't feel bad, sometimes things are just not our cup of tea, I just needed to express my grief, cause honestly bottling it up isn't going to end well for me (and it really didn't multiple times).

I apologize for any false hope or let down your hype as Wilted Ivory was just starting and The Osix Family was finally coming back– but this treatment is overwhelming me that I need to take a step back.

That's all for now.

Thank you for... actually reading, you listening means a lot to me too.

Goodbye.

[iguessitsjustme]

When It Rains It Pours Ep 7 Thoughts

Today…has been real up and down for me. And right now I am tired and I am grumpy and I am hungry and I am sad. But I've seen that this show has a happy ending so I am also excited. I may not be as talkative in this final liveblog as I normally am (or I might be there's no telling). But before I watch, I want to just take a moment to thank everyone that told me to watch this show. Being in this fandom and talking to you guys has been truly the highlight of my last few weeks. I came to this show late but everyone was so excited for me to watch and it has been an absolute delight talking with everyone. I hope to keep seeing y'all in other fandoms after this show ends (also I hope we keep talking about this show. Just because it's ending doesn't mean we ever need to stop. If y'all have thoughts about this show even two years from now and want to scream with someone, I'm sure the entire fandom will be happy to resume the screams). Anyway ramble over. Liveblog, as always, is under the cut:

Before I get into this liveblog actually, I will pay one william dollars to anyone that doesn't wake me up at 5 in the goddamn morning with loud noises and persist with those loud noises for an hour. One william dollars. I have had A Day and there is a reason I am Tired.

Asking the important questions.

Something something coffee something something my brain isn't working today *chomps on some fried chicken*

It is not lost on me that Sei is now wearing colors now that Fujisawa isn't around.

It can be if you want it to be baby boy

Hagiwara making sure to get Sei's friends contact information for him. Making sure that Sei isn't alone and abandoned. Making sure Sei has someone to talk to. I am FINE.

Sei actually reaching out and going to get drink with him. I'm FINE.

Falling in love with kindness my beloved.

Can't wait to rec this to my irl BL friend. They're gonna LOVE it.

Aw man I was hoping Fujisawa just wouldn't be here. I knew he would be but let a person be in denial will ya?

I need that car alarm to be shut the fuck off. I am TRYING to WATCH.

Dear Fujisawa, I do not care that you've always liked Sei. You raped him. 

Okay okay so. Here's the deal. Fujisawa feeling guilt for Sei's parent's accident definitely explains a lot. It explains a whole hell of a lot. BUT. It does not excuse anything. Sei was miserable. Sei was isolated from his friends. Sei was raped. It breaks my heart to think what could have happened had Sei's parents not died. But they did. And it brought out the worst of Fujisawa. And while I understand where he is coming from and why he did the things he did, I do not condone them. Many things can be true at once and the circumstances these two were placed into were awful and complex. But the choices they made in those circumstances are what led them to this moment. To the pain and the hurt. Fujisawa should not feel guilty about Sei's parents. He did not cause them to die. He did, however, rape Sei. That is a thing he did. Honestly, these two need to leave each other's side or else they will be miserable forever. Even without the rape. The guilt Fujisawa feels will forever hold them down in misery. This time when I say Sei needs to be set free of Fujisawa, I mean it more than just Sei needs to be free of his control. He needs to be set free from Fujisawa's feelings of guilt that have trapped them both. And Fujisawa needs to be set free too. Or he will make the same choices with anyone else he tries to move on with. I still say he goes off the cliff though. Cause I'm still angry at him even if his actions make more sense to me now.

Noisy neighbors go AHWAY. bite bite kill kill

Had to move rooms because dear god the noises did not stohp. I am having a bad fucking day let me tell ya

Sei is a good person for setting him free. I still feel no sympathy for him.

Every car needs to die forever.

C'mon you two! Meet up! I need it. I need it so bad. Do you understand how bad I need to see you two meet up today? DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

BITE BITE DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE

SCREAMING

BOY. I KNOW THIS HAS A HAPPY ENDING BUT BOY.

Sei go get your man. Please. I'm begging. I am running out of episode. Please. Go get him.

YES THAT'S RIGHT GO TO THE MUSEUM. TO GO GET YOUR MAN. GO SEI GO

Has he met me?

Anyway umbrella my beloved. I do not have the brain power tonight but I want to write a post about the use of umbrellas in this show. I'm also very busy this weekend (yay birthday plans) so maybe next week? When I can find a spare second. But I need to talk about the umbrellas. I also want to talk about the soundtrack. Especially when it comes to Fujisawa but there's so much. I might need to just pick a Fujisawa scene. Feel free to help me decide if there's a specific scene you want me to attempt to analyze the soundtrack of. Anyway. Back to umbrella my beloved.

I am glad it was Sei who confessed first. That feels important somehow.

Do y'all see. Do you understand. Why umbrellas. Are my beloved? Does this help you to understand?

God bless

They have to say this because it was so well done and the themes were so universal and applicable that it feels real. The plot and characters may be fictional but the feelings, emotions, and community this show brought are real and I am ever so grateful for it.

As I have already complained numerous times today, my brain is not here to do any sort of wrap up or anything. I might do a post-show thoughts later on once I've had time to process and also I get my brain back. I did it for 4Minutes I might do it for this one because there is a lot I want to say. I also might not because busy. We will see. And I kind of want to rewatch this last episode once I can feel my brain again so I feel like I can fully appreciate it.

Thank you to everyone who has read my liveblogs I cannot believe that more than 2 people were reading these and enjoying my silly little thoughts. I love each and every one of you. Please feel free to keep tagging me in things or talking to me about this show or literally anything else for the rest of all time (I am currently having a bot problem so I might need to restrict my reply settings but if that happens my DMs and ask box are always open). Peace and love I'm gonna go cry about umbrellas now.

[scoobydoodean]

is there anything you're critical of Dean for? not meant as a gotcha, i just haven't been reading your blog for long.

i just struggle getting out of the Doylist perspective and holding characters accountable. i'm annoyingly cognizant of the external factors like them not wanting to pay Misha or having to cater to a sizeable portion of their audience that preferred the easier digestible, more accessible "two bros in MotW episodes" that didn't serve the overarching storyline or relationships or if they did, didn't take up that much air time or did it superficially (flashback to Dean being called overdramatic in 6x20 because they just didn't. get. it.).

I think it's clear that Dean and Cas’s relationship issues involving communication are an active choice made by the writers that don't just exist because Misha isn’t in all the episodes. If the writers didn’t want us to pay attention to Cas’s absences, they would establish that Cas consistently keeps in communication offscreen over the phone and that things between Dean and Cas are good when they see each other in person. Instead, they choose to do the exact opposite. They show Cas being avoidant and hiding in episodes he's not in and in episodes he's in too. They emphasize that Cas's absences are more than physical—he creates emotional distance—he hides and lies and keeps secrets when he feels ashamed or has become convinced that he needs to handle things on his own. This is a very core character hangup for Cas. It also doesn't make him a bad person. It makes him (for lack of a better word) human. His flaws are understandable and tragic and rooted in trauma, and one of the worst parts about the end of Supernatural is that Cas never gets to fully work through these feelings and have his eyes opened to exactly how deeply he is loved and that his worth is more than what he can do for others.

To be quite honest though, I think people need to become more comfortable with hearing that Cas isn't perfect without jumping to conclude that he is being condemned for being imperfect. No one is perfect—especially not our Supernatural blorbos. That includes Dean who is also imperfect. I'm not sure exactly what post of mine prompted this ask, but I don't actually think I've been that critical of Cas or condemned him for anything. I've only shined a light on some of his flaws—particularly in episodes where fandom has tended to ignore them and condemn Dean as The One And Only Bad Friend.

I guess I just wonder why it has always been acceptable to highlight Dean's flaws (even ones that don't actually exist) without ever mentioning a single thing another character did "wrong" to contribute to a conflict, but when I highlighting anything Cas ever did wrong in a conflict with Dean without a healthy helping of deancrit, people feel I'm not being "fair" enough. It's very clear that people want me to protect Cas more—even against the lightest criticisms— but I'm not sure why he's considered more deserving of that than Dean. I'm also not sure why a doylist perspective would invalidate Dean's experience as a fellow character within the story affected by Cas's absences and not an omniscient viewer who's thinking about how many episodes the writers can afford to put Misha Collins in (and again—I do not think a doylist perspective explains Cas's behavior—the behavior is intentionally written into his character for seasons upon seasons).

I'm not going to fight it if people choose to call me "cas critical" or "sam critical" because that's their prerogative. To be clear though, I don't prefer to engage with stories as competitions where we count up who did the most wrong things and assign that person as The Bad Character Among The Good Characters. I can understand if it looks that way from an outsider's perspective, but I'm actually reacting to fandom largely deciding to engage with Supernatural as if it should be consumed as a story about The Bad Character Among The Good Characters and deciding that The Bad Character Among The Good Characters is Dean. I'm far less critical of Sam or Cas than I'll ever be of fandom’s need to make everything about keeping score of who did the most wrong stuff. It can be fun to shitpost about it to piss of crits, but the actual point of the story isn't to figure out which one did the most bad things and "hold them accountable".

[chippedshake]

I'm fine

Darry is fine. He swears he's fine. Never been better.

Okay, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. But he is fine. He really is.

Sure, he's juggling gaining custody over his brothers with finding out how much to pay for two coffins with considering getting a second job with figuring out how the fuck one pays one's bills with actually being a guardian for his brothers with grieving for his parents, who disappeared with a knock on his door from the police.

But he's fine. He really is.

But I realize that the worst is to come when the storm is gone

And even if he's not fine – which he is –, it's not like he can afford to complain right now because he's facing a steep uphill climb with no help. If he admits that he's not okay now, then what is he going to do for the next four years?

Or after that, when he has to scrape together enough money for Pony to go to college somehow?

He has to be fine now. He has to be. Because if he's not, there's no hope for what comes next.

And I try to recognize that it's all in my head now

Darry isn't fine.

But that's okay. That's fine because everything is actually fine but it's just his head playing tricks on him and making him think everything isn't fine when it is fine.

Because everything is fine.

He's just always made a big deal out of nothing, like when his friends would prank him sometimes in school. It was never that bad, he just liked to catastrophise.

Classic Darry, making a mountain out of a molehill.

Because. Everything. Is. Fine.

Or it will be. Even if it kills him.

But lately I've been feeling tired but I can't sleep

Darry turns over again, dragging his sheets along with him.

Against his better instincts, he checks the clock on his wall.

Two AM.

He sighs. It's not happening tonight. He's been trying for two hours and needs to be up in three.

May as well be productive.

He groans as he sits up. He'll leave the bed unmade a while longer just in case he gets tired enough to go back to sleep, because he definitely won't get back in if it's made.

He stifles a yawn as he cracks Sodapop and Ponyboy's door open. They're fast asleep, Soda's arm around Pony. Darry lets himself breathe a sigh of relief.

They're okay. They're fine.

His eyes struggle to stay open as he sweeps the floor. He can feel his eyebags growing as he scrubs the kitchen counters. Falling asleep standing up is seeming like a genuine possibility by the time he starts mopping.

It's three thirty when he goes back to sleep.

My head is running miles but I can't breathe

Soda's thinking about dropping out. Soda's thinking about dropping out. He's thinking about dropping out because Darry's failed.

Failed at keeping his brothers safe, at maintaining their childhood as best he could with the neighbourhood they live in. Because now Soda is going to have to worry about bills and paychecks and bosses.

He can feel his breathing getting faster but he can't get it to stop.

And he's not a fit guardian is he? He can hardly keep them all under control on a good day and he can't keep Soda in school and Ponyboy's always mad at him and Soda'a dropping out–

Are these grounds for the State to take them away? Of course they are, everything is. Any step out of line, any tiny mistake (Darry makes so many he doesn't understand how he's been allowed to keep his brothers for so long), it's all grounds to take his brother away.

Oh, God, he can't breathe, he can't breathe

Will I ever get my mind under control?

In for four, hold for seven, out for eight.

In for four, hold for seven, out for eight.

Like his mom always did.

In for four, hold for seven, out for eight.

I don't know

'Cause I'm in the eye of the storm

Most people feel calm when they reach the eye of the storm. It has the lowest pressures in the whole storm, and it seems like you've escaped.

It seems like everything's back to normal.

Like Ponyboy still likes books just because he likes them. Like Dally's still got someone to trust. Like Soda still lets himself be a kid. Like Two-Bit just drinks for fun sometimes. Like Johnny can trust him as much as he trusted Darry's parents.

Only Darry knows better. He knows what's on the other side of the eye. He knows the storm goes on.

That Ponyboy's reading to escape reality. That Dally’s hardened back to how he was when he arrived. That Soda knows they can't make do just with Darry's paycheck. That Two-Bit's become an alcoholic. That he's never bothered to form a bond with Johnny in the past and he still seems scared of him.

And I've never been here before

Darry used to think he was stressed.

When he got a bad grade on his physics final in junior year and thought all his hopes for college were crushed unless he doubled down during senior year.

When he realised he didn’t like his girlfriend like he was supposed to, and he hadn’t liked any of his girlfriends like he was supposed to. And he hadn’t liked anyone That Way and he was at prom and had to dance with his girlfriend and felt like he was failing her constantly.

When they were in second place towards the end of the football league and they needed to win this game or it would've all been for nothing.

He scoffs at the memories of what his oh-so-stressful life used to look like. What wouldn't he give for that to be his greatest worry?

All of my thoughts screaming loud, saying that I'll never make it out

When Darry looks at the kitchen, he sees all the meals he needs to make. The table is just its short leg that needs fixing. The mailbox is just the bills.

When Darry looks at Pony and Soda, he can hardly see his little brothers anymore. He sees two boys who need clothes and food and a reminder to bring a blade wherever they're going.

He loves them, too, but that comes second.

You can't love a dead body, or a boy being kept by the State fifteen miles away.

'Cause I'm falling deeper and deeper into my head

"Darry?"

Darry snaps out of his thoughts. Soda and Pony are looking at him worriedly. He's not even sure who said his name.

"Yeah?"

Soda's brow furrows. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, Soda, don't worry about it."

His half-hearted reassurance doesn’t seem to comfort either of them, but they carry on with their conversation.

Darry tries to think of what they were talking about so he can follow the conversation, but he can't remember anything after he started cooking.

And I'm scared that I can't see the light at the end

Darry stays on autopilot until he collapses into his bed.

All he wants is for sleep to take him. He just wants his head to slow down for once.

But of course it won’t.

It starts with the usual: mental math he loses track of but that helps him feel in control of everything. Calculating his paycheck and Soda's and the bills and Pony's college savings account and groceries and Darry's own savings account.

Then that turns into worrying about Pony at school: whether Socs give him any trouble, whether he's doing alright in his classes (because if anyone knows that grades don't mean anything, it's the boy that sold essays throughout his junior and senior year to pay for college), what classes are his favourite (because Darry doesn't talk to him enough to know).

What classes he'll choose when he gets electives.

What he'll major in.

And then Darry's thinking about what he'll be doing when Ponyboy's in college (because Ponyboy's getting out if it's the last thing Darry does) and he's realising that he has no idea.

There's no future for him after his brothers leave.

He used to imagine what his life would be like once he gathered the money for college. If he tries hard enough, he might be able to remember what it was like to hope.

But then he threw away all his dreams, all the possibilities of somehow getting out, and he doesn’t know how to find them again.

I'm in the eye, I'm in the eye of the storm

[tubbytarchia]

We should support artists and help them recognize their worth but I'm honestly so tired of "Your colored and shaded art is worth more than 10 bucks" and "these prices are too low" etc. Kind of maddening to me that it's treated like a choice when most artists will never have the reach to charge "fairly" for their art on a consistent basis. This isn't a jab at anyone because most people saying this are well meaning and maybe accidentally tonedeaf at worst, but the only choice some people have is either earn a little bit of money or earn no money at all. Idk surely there's other ways to be supportive or tell someone that their art is worthwhile without insisting that they raise their prices. Where and what is the advice once the prices ARE raised as suggested and yet no money is made? Would the advice be to put prices back down? To just be persistent and be better at advertising yourself?

When I started out, I tried to price "fairly", with and without advice from fellow artists (who all suggested prices that never sold) and then just decreased those prices like 5 times because no one would commission me. I wasn't upset when an anon told me "I was surprised to see the prices!", but I am upset about all the "these prices seem too low..." I got years ago in retrospect. When I voiced that I couldn't charge any higher because otherwise I wouldn't get paid, I was often dismissed. And I couldn't help but note that by all the people who got commissioned at least regularly with good pay

I'm not personally too upset about my own commissioning situation anymore, I used to be, but after so many mental breakdowns of trying to earn any money that justified the time I spent on my art and failing miserably, I accepted that it just isn't even for me. (This is why I wouldn't ever want to work with a CC either lol I would kms. As a one-off maybe). I still offer it but with a lot of leniency towards myself, which I think warrants lower pricing and I'm not upset about it. Because who would've guessed, that doing a hobby you love as a line of work with inherent new pressures isn't always going to make you happy and can ruin the hobby for you instead! Wild.

My personal commission meltdown journey under cut, because I want to and I think it'll make me feel better

My awesome commission meltdown happened about a year ago, but boy I have been trudging for awhile. Maybe 5 or 6 years ago now, I used to have a friend, my former best friend, who struck gold. They got lucky. Their art was also fantastic, but ultimately they got lucky, because good art in itself never guarantees that you can earn buck from it. They created a closed species that quickly became very popular to the point that they could draw one design on a whim and easily get 50EUR minimum out of it. That's not even commission work, to get paid well for art that YOU want to make is an absolute dream but even less reliable for most artists than commission work. I created multiple species too with like 0.20EUR prices and followed all the advice my friend gave me. I advertised myself like hell which is something I've continued to do until a year ago with a 100% failure rate. For funsies, some specimens of the species I attempted to sell (I very much detached from my usual preferred monster designs too to try and have wider appeal and gimmicks)

(If anyone wants to "adopt" any Rosebuds (1st rose-like species) or Dumlins (2nd bird-like species) for free then you're very welcome to, I can send the full sheets lol. Only one of them ever got adopted. I'm over it but hey just in case there are any adoptable fanatics in here)

After a few years I think I gave up, didn't earn a dollar with any of them and moved over to commissions because that's way easier to get money for anyway, I thought. And I've done many commissions by now but with most costing 5-20EUR. Very few outliers got any tips (usually from friends) and very few people were willing to pay more to begin with. I think I've done just 2 artwork that I was paid 50 for and those are the only comms I've done above 20EUR, and I count myself very lucky for ever even getting that opportunity. Here's some examples of commissions I've done for 20 bucks or less

(To be clear, I'm not upset about any of these. Jk lol I'm forever bothered by one of them. The 1st one but I will spare the details)

I tried so desperately to advertise myself on Twitter, on Tumblr, on DA, on Reddit, on Discord servers... in the end I got like one commission that wasn't just from a friend or acquaintance , and I'm willing to bet at least a few "friend" commissions I've done were out of pity, and I wouldn't blame them because I was a desperate little teenager. I went through a whole furry arc where I went out of my way to draw furry art because everyone knows furries got the money. I was very open to nsfw art too for very low prices to help me build my portfolio further, and I was again full-throttle advertising every which way I knew how, trying to reach out there, and gained nothing for it

Meanwhile, I just felt like doing this little animation. This wretched thing. This fucking. This little piece of work that came from a place of love and now I want to cry thinking about what this thing did to me

This is a niche Yugioh monster that I animated dancing. Somehow, it got out of the Yugioh circle and popped the fuck off majorly on twitter. Nobody knew what the hell this thing is but they liked it. This shit got reposted on Tiktok, on Reddit, probably many other sites too with zero credit back to me, naturally, with hundreds of thousands of views, possibly millions, I would check if I could still find any of them. So that sucked but guess what else happened? Like 5 people DMed me about commissioning animation work from me. TO THIS DAY despite my twitter being now deleted, people every so often reach out to me about this. And because there was DEMAND I figured, I can ask fair prices. But I'd never been able to before so I still undersold myself A LOT. Fully fledged animation is hard goddamn work. But I accepted 3 commissions, and I made progress on all of them, and then I deleted my twitter. I left all of those people in the dark (I never took any of their money though!!! I never ask for money until my work is completed unless you buy through Kofi)

I just realized how fucking miserable it all made me and how much I didn't want to do this and what a piss poor motivator money is for me to do art for, in the comfort of my home. I love money, I sure would love to have more of it and not have to rely on minimum wage jobs that I dislike but god, all of that made me so deeply upset and with all those years of failure, I suddenly struck gold like my friend had all those years back, and I had so many people wanting to give me money for my work, and it felt like a fucking joke. I was honestly just so peeved and pissed off that this is what it took, and had a meltdown over it and I was also just in the worst place of my life at the time that I've never truly recovered from. All of this just added to how much I wished to be eaten by a wild animal on a daily basis at the time

I don't feel like I got ANYTHING out of all that. The money I got absolutely didn't justify the effort and time I put into commissions and all my self advertising and portfolio building ventures were a waste of time too. The only thing I've taken away from it is that I don't want to repeat that and I will probably never want to work a job doing art or animation even if it could pay more than minimum wage crap. My former friend has a successful Patreon, I've encountered dubs of their comics with millions of views on various platforms, their species even got ripped off by someone who just turned their species nsfw, lol. And I draw minecraft men kissing

I'm not happy but I'm not upset about it anymore, even if I still get majorly peeved by some artists who underplay their immense success whilst others are begging for crumbs. (Again they usually mean well but sometimes I do find these people genuinely dislikeable. Anyway). In a perfect world, artists wouldn't have to work their asses of to get grocery money and be so reliant on luck to pop off once and then never have to worry about it again. I'm sad this is what it took for me to realize it's not even for me, after all these years of negligible profit, and I'm sad I was ever led to believe that getting fair pay was possible without all the work I put into trying to get my art out there, only to eventually succeed via pure luck and then not earning a penny from it anyway. Please support and continue to support small artists. If you can, please tip them too. Share and support their work in other ways if you can't or don't want to pay!

With all that said though, I appreciate anyone who has commissioned me during my time in the MCYT fandom, that means so much to me that you like my art that much. And I'm really sorry for the few people I ended up refunding because I didn't feel up to their requests - that's what I mean by the leniency I give myself. If it ever comes close to stressing me out again, I'll just give it up in favor of my mental health haha. And I hope you guys understand. Thank you as well for anyone who's bought my MCYT merch, you are so awesome and I'm actually omw to earning some profit from it eventually which has made me happier than any other art related work I've done

and with THAT said, man NONE of you have used discounts that I've hidden in my text posts previously..!! I reinforce though that regardless, I'm open to haggling if you're tighter on money but want to get a little something. I love you regardless though and thanks for listening to my shit ted talk

[mrsbsmooth]

I don't know if this is a safe space for me to share my opinion on S8 but I disagree with your take on WLW relationships in S8. As someone who is exclusively WLW, I've got to say that Season 8 is the worst season that I have ever played. It's not worth it. I regret every second that I have spent on it. I wish I never played it. I feel like I have wasted my time. Watching Claudia grind on Theo made me feel physically sick. If you're bi, you're automatically locked out of the WLW route and Bea dances for Claudia instead. If you're doing a WLW route, the two female LIs are merged together. There are only two female LIs and they're hidden behind a gem wall. You can't couple up with them until the final week. The male characters are forced on MC no matter how many times you reject them. Being LGBT is treated like a fun side mission. It's something you're only allowed to do behind closed doors. You can pay to make out with a girl in every episode and the other characters will keep pushing the OG guy and CA guy on you either way. If you're romancing a girl, you're made to feel like a cheater. The WLW routes in S8 are written to be a bonus thing for bi women to do once they finish the good routes. They are not written to be the main course. The S8 WLW routes  are something to play around with but not something to commit to. S5 was no fun but at least we could be in an unofficial relationship with Dana and we could choose to befriend Alfie. We could couple up with Vicky in S7. S8 is like S6 but somehow even worse. The openly homophobic and racist comments that I have seen some straight players make about Bea and Hari are only making it harder to feel accepted. What hurts the most is that MC was a bombshell and she was not coupled up with her OG LI before the Casa. They could have let us pick a female LI the moment MC walked into the Villa. There was no better way to justify a WLW main route. The way they waste Luna and Felicity is unbelievable. I wouldn't recommend S8 to anyone who isn't super into the male LIs

Hi lovely, of course!! Always happy to hear a different opinion as long as they're respectfully put, which yours absolutely is, and as long as you don't mind me disagreeing back!

[Note: Sarah's just pointed out to me that you asked for a safe space and my response doesn't really do that and just disagrees with you. She's right, and I apologise for not being clearer about the fact I was planning to do so when I hit post. But you are always welcome to share your opinion here. I can't guarantee a safe space, but I can guarantee an open mind.] Because I do genuinely believe that the WLW routes in S8 are better than they have been previously.

I'm not going to be addressing homophobic and racist comments about Bea and Hari. My advice for those? Stay the hell off Reddit. I'm not getting into the way this fandom talks about race, especially for Asian islanders. I just want to talk about the WLW routes as that was the main point of your ask.

I want to make sure I've acknowledged and responded to everything you said, so please see below.

[This got long AF. TL;DR at the end.]

Locked out of routes, and Male LIs being forced on you

This isn't new to this season, and in my opinion it's been done dramatically better than previous seasons. I've played all of them, and almost every single season holds the female LI back until the end. Marisol, Elisa, Najuma, Angie, Dana, Lulu, Bella, Chloe, Flo, Bonnie, I don't think you could couple up with a single one of them until the final recoupling. The only exceptions were S1 and S3, I think? I believe you could get with Talia slightly earlier (and have Sammi come in later as a LI for the guy who otherwise would be dumped), and AJ/Yasmin you could couple up with and make Tai and Ciaran get together. But that's only 2 seasons from 8.

(Note: I see you said you could couple up with Vicky in S7, and I'll be honest, I barely played S7 as I found the writing itself extremely lacklustre. So I'll have to take your word for it that they somehow made that work.)

I get that it's frustrating to be separated from a female LI until late game. It's a sentiment I've heard every single season since I started playing alongside the releases. But realistically, this is how the game is structured. Love Island, as a premise, is based on heterosexual relationships. Pairing off and being in heterosexual couples, etc. Same as something like 'the Bachelor'. Two female contestants could be together, sure. But that's not how the show is structured. The only real solutions have been in S1 and S3, both of which I've already mentioned. I'd love to see more MLM couples made canon, or creative ways of letting us couple with women earlier, but I don't think there's one simple solution. This particular show is aimed at het couples. As unfair as it may seem, that's how the game is structured. (Crossing my fingers for canon MLM couples. PLEASE!)

I also disagree that WLW routes are written to be a bonus thing for bi women to do once they finish the good routes. Claudia's route has been a main route since day one in the villa. The fact that you can only have a relationship with either Theo OR Claudia means they intended from the very beginning to have whichever one of that couple you choose be the slow burn route- the route that you can't get on until the very end.

To say that 'Watching Claudia grind on Theo made me physically sick'-- Congratulations and welcome to the slowburn route 😂 I feel exactly the same way when Theo REJECTS ME OUTRIGHT and says he's only interested in Claudia, or when Suresh's heartrate gets raised the most by Lulu, or when I finally couple with Jake and he tells me I should pursue Levi. Don't you think the fact that it's had such an impact on you shows how well-written she is as a female LI? Claudia is AMAZING. But she's also bisexual. She's allowed to be torn between a male and a female LI and want to explore relationships with both, and I don't think it's fair to be angry that she's playing out all her options. That just means she's a well-written bisexual character. (Side note may I remind you that you've been able to take Claudia to the hideaway, and sleep in a bed with her, whereas Theo girls were only able to KISS the dude for the first time within the last week!!!! 😭) I think the only canonical lesbian routes are Angie from S4 and A.J. from S3. But even so, they're both questioning while in-villa and only come out either towards the end or in the post-season. You can watch AJ's route on Youtube if you didn't get a chance to play. Also, you're not locked out of the WLW route if you're bi/into men. Only if you're interested in Theo specifically. This is definitely somewhere they could improve-- I wanted Theo and Claudia, but eventually went back to play a straight route for Theo. However, I DESPERATELY wanted to flirt with Bea. It would've been wonderful if we'd been able to flirt with her separately. (I think I did get this option, but I believe it may have been a glitch). An option early in the game when the female LI asks you could be:

Yes, I'm into you!

No, I'm not into you, but I might be into other women

No, I'm not into women.

The Female LIs are merging together

Welcome to Love Island the Game by Fusebox games, where all the love interests merge and the personalities don't matter. You're not alone here, and it's not NEARLY as bad as previous seasons. Watch Najuma, Bruno, and JAMES have exactly the same dialogue in S4 despite being wildly different personalities. Watch Lewie, Jamal and Ryan be completely interchangeable. This isn't exclusive to WLW routes.

The female LIs are hidden behind a gem wall.

Again, this is the same for everyone, even players on a straight route. FB are greedy.

Being LGBT is treated like a side mission

It's something you're only allowed to do behind closed doors. You can pay to make out with a girl in every episode

This is hard. I get why you feel like this, anon, I really do. But I genuinely do think that this is the devs trying to give you something. They know it's frustrating to have to wait so long to couple with a female LI, so they try and give you bonus opportunities along the way to connect with your love interest. Almost every single smut scene written in the scripts has a female alternative. Again, I'm not saying that it's perfect, but having looked at and manipulated the scripts for four seasons now, I can absolutely assure you that this has not always been the case. They ARE improving and giving you more opportunities to spend time with your female LI than you had in previous seasons.

TL;DR

I'm not saying S8 is a perfect season for WLW routes.

The part I'm disagreeing with is where you said it's the worst season.

I absolutely disagree with that. There are far worse seasons. Even the golden child Season 2 didn't let you couple up with a woman until right at the end, watching her graft and grind on everyone BUT you. We also don't even know for sure that we can't couple up with a girl until the last week. The game's still being released. (I won't be surprised if that's the case though.)

I think Claudia and Bea are EXCELLENT female love interests in comparison with what we've had previously. They're both beautiful, they have unique personalities, they have very different routes (Claudia's confused between you and Theo, Bea's your bestie to lover and she's got terrible taste in men, dear god please save her).

I understand WANTING more WLW routes, but from a development point of view, there are simply not enough opportunities in the real-life structure of LITG to have fully blown out WLW routes. And even if they were, FB Games are not going to be financially motivated to do so. Their main customer base ($$$) is pursing a het route, so that’s who they’re creating for. They can't even get through the hetero routes without the characters merging personalities. There are other games doing this well, including fan-made games, which I'd recommend checking out. I don't have the link handy to the game pages, but check out @thatwheelchairchick, I believe she's working on an alternative game?

Anyway, I hope that clarifies my position on why I think they're worth playing. Sorry that it turned into an essay.

[crimswnred]

I've just gotten back home from work so I'm a little late to the party, however...

LITG SEASON 8: TEMPTING FATE — VOLUME 2: thoughts, concerns and prayers

first of all yesss more hair booooo paywall, fusebox get it together??? (at least they are pretty but again that's the bare minimum)

anyway, here's my girl with her new hair

why do all of the girls' nightwear look like I'm on a strip club and they're asking me if I want something to drink

it's so over for you Theo

honestly she's too good for him anyway

okay kiss challenge!!!! let me snog everyone

I don't want any more of that "peck" crap we want FULL ON SNOGS, TONGUE AND CHAOS

Jin: "Nap, then results?" Hamish would be so proud of him

okay, so you rate me EIGHT just so I feel like I have to pay to have one extra kiss, your game is a dirty as ever Fusebox

date time!!!! going with Jin ❤️

LMAO Jack is kinda funny

so sad to see a baddie doing too much to keep a man in love island 💔 Luna I'm so sorry you didn't deserve it your only crime was being coupled up with the one guy I want

oh. so about the terrace scene...

first of all, super sweet gem scene. it seemed like a super important one for it to be a gem scene though. so idk I'm a bit lost.

Jin is a walking red flag 😭 this boy is soooo gonna flip on me when the next hot girl shows up!! but let's enjoy the ride

and Luna... girl... was it ever that serious?

the award for worst outfit design goes to 👇

and the one for BEST outfit design goes to 👇

like wow wowza mmmhmm yeah! this man is hot hot HOT 🔥🔥🔥

I had to kiss him HE IS SO FINEEEEEEEEEEE

oh, Jack is kinda sweet... if he looked more like Lewie/Alex he would be favourite boy of the season for sureeee

keep the compliments coming, darling

I had to kiss him too. you know, to be polite.

but it was just a peck, tho

okay, NOW JIN!!!

having a spicy conversation with the guy I want to fuck and his currently girl isn't how I planned to spend my afternoon but here we go

"You're adventurous. You're fun to be around. And you'd make every sight even more beautiful", "Okay. Where's the punch line?", "There isn't one :)" OKAY GAG ME WITH THE WRITING

FUNNY BOY WHO'S A HISYORY NERD? OH OKAY!!!! BIG T??? NO IT'S BIG J!!!!!! JIMOTHY!!!

lmao Sophie mixing the boys up she's so me

Claudia is a real one let me tell you that

she's nice, she doesn't force herself upon us, she's polite, she give us all the tea, and she even help us to graft on the boys behind their girls' backs. like, THAT'S MY GIRL

and if Theo doesn't step up she will DEFINITELY be mine

TIME TO PICK MY BOY LET'S GOOOOOOOO

so sad to see Luna go, I really like her :/

lmao???????????

I TAKE BACK EVERY GOOD THING I SAID ABOUT JACK WTFFFF 😭😭😭😭

he was so out of pocket ?? what's your deal man, are you jealous I picked Jin instead of you? we kissed ONCE. be sooooooooo for real rn

okay Sophie you can join your boy in this bullshit he still cheated on you with me when you weren't looking (and he probably would do it again)

no. I won't forgive you?? you were basically calling me a whore back then and now you are SORRY? don't say something you'll regret later that's not cute.

and he's supposed to be serious?

anyway, stressful night over. time to go to bed with my babygirl Jin

BITS BITS BITS BITS

29 gems to go all the way? what is this?

they could've make the scene a little longer but they have gotten way better ever since the writers dropped the word crescendo

MR TYLER WHO ARE YOU?

still not 100% sure if I'm going with Jin or Oakley but I'm leaning towards Jin, I'm not gonna lie 😁 I did some stuff that will fuck me over on movie night if fusebox finally learnt how to code (which they prolly didn't so I guess I'm safe)

I really enjoyed this episode except for the part when Jack and Sophie went full on villain mode but if the narrative made sense all of the time it wouldn't be LITG, right?

anyway, let's see what this Tyler guy is about... see you all next week 🫶

[legandairy-horror]

Initial thoughts after Completing Canto 7. Spoilers below the cut

For where Id place Canto 7 Id say somewhere around Canto 5, not sure if it's above or below. I know there was no way it was going to top Canto 6, something just had to give. Its just a bit of a shame that its this much of a drop yknow? Not to say it's bad yknow, cause even Canto 2 I still consider alright.

Easily the worst dungeon in the game. Only 1 floor and it's short as hell. The fights range from absolute jobbers to "Spam E.G.O and Pray" with absolutely no in-between.

In Order: Teddy Bear was interesting if a bit bland, mostly just need to pay attention to status effects and you're good. Lasso was threatening with his Rupture until you realize that's all he does. I just kinda clashed with him for 20~ish minutes until he died.

Camille/Peri is funny as shit in a fucked up kinda way for a number of reasons. 1) the fact that they're death is handled in such a lazze-faire way. Not only is it such a piss easy fight, but like they don't even get named in their fight nor does Peri get a new talk-sprite, they're just "corroded Zwei/Cinq Fixer". 2) The fact that it's supposed to be our stand in for the 400-Roses fight, so you just know that they're going to make a big deal when it inevitably appears in RR5. Like I know exactly what you're planning PM, you can't trick me. 3) The fact that this piss easy fight is immediately followed up with 3 of the most bullshit fights in the game is funny as shit.

Pequod Trio: Vampire Edition, while a funny name isn't quite accurate. While that fight was nonsense by design this fight was nonsense in a very "Lobotomy Corp" kinda way where it just throws 3 bosses at you and says "good luck fucko". Yeah they're at like half-health but that still doesn't stop Dulcinae's "inflict 50 Bleed and 20 Bleed count" shtick from being Bullshit.

Sancho was the most E.G.O spam fight I've ever E.G.O spammed which is saying a lot. Made all the worse by certain mechanics and a few unfortunate rolls meaning that she was at Max SP for basically half the fight. I love the cutscenes and all the character development from the other sinners but fuck me I burned through All my Lust and Sloth on that fight alone.

Lastly, Mancha Quixote Might just be the worst fight in the game. Like its insane that they said "what if we took all of Dulcinae's problems and made them all 10x worse". Like the only reason I made it through that was because of Solo Cinq Don, Fluid Sac, and Luck. I can say a lot more about *why* his fight and these guaranteed damage mechanics don't work but for now I'll just say that chain battles just do not have enough incentive to justify this kind of encounter design. As a character the man's fairly interesting cause you can tell his heart is in the right place but his naivety meant that his plans were always gonna fall apart in the face of reality. Also I'm curious if P Corp is gonna bring him back as like a cyborg or something cause unless Sanson pulls double Duty I have no idea who Don's N Corp counterpart is gonna be.

To wrap this up: To me the most interesting parts of the Canto are all the lore implications and, as mean as this is gonna sound, all the character moments from all the *other* sinners. I think they finally managed to top "Break from your Birdcage" as the best End-of-Canto Moment, just full-stop. Otherwise yeah. Keep on Cooking PM

[dceuheadcanons]

I've been asked to talk more about my "Bruce Wayne has OSDD-1B" post, so I will be doing just that!! I will elaborate on further details about each headmate in the future. Feel free to see my last post on this if you have not already.

So far I've noticed that there are at least five headmates. Batman, B, Brucie, Bruce Wayne, and Mr Wayne.

Batman started forming the night his parents were shot, and his memory also starts there. He cannot remember his childhood pre-ten. He's a protector of sorts, but he also holds the rage. He's the most intelligent of the bunch, what with being the "World's Greatest Detective" and all. He is slow to trust people, but he believes that there is good in everyone. That is why he does not kill. Though that wasn't originally the case, he saw the worst in everyone for a decade or so, his viewpoint changed when he took in Nightwing. Every part of him has patrolled as Batman, the cowl belonging to them all partially because of his obliviousness towards his disorder, but he is the one made to be Batman.

B is the father. He formed for the singular purpose of being a parent. None of the others were prepared for such a task. He has great care for his children, despite failing in places due to the awful example his own father set. He would kill for any one of them. He was the one that endeavoured to kill The Joker when Red Hood was murdered. He doesn't take kindly to anyone he loves being harmed.

Brucie is the playboy. Everyone knows that. He doesn't take much seriously, he flirts with everyone (of appropriate age) that he meets, he does drugs, and he's an alcoholic. But he's the one that's been around the "longest". He remembers his entire childhood. He deals with his grief and trauma with hypersexuality and substance abuse. He's the least honest of the bunch and absolutely hates people seeing him as sad or weak. But he commonly accompanies Batman on patrols. He's good with words and good with people, able to manipulate and redirect effortlessly. He's the one that goes on out-of-costume intel missions. He's the one fucking all his rogues! He has the lowest iq of the bunch, but he's still considered a genius by his score.

Bruce Wayne is the child. The child that "died in the alleyway with his parents". In systems, these are commonly called littles. They're used to cope with high stress situations, but he is never usually left alone. If left alone he's quiet, flinches at loud noises, distrusts adults, and will be willing to beat the shit out of anyone that disrespects his father's name. If you do manage to get him to trust you, he will talk about things that he liked in childhood. Pokémon, Sonic Underground, classical literature, etc. He was born in the 90s in my AU, similar to the newest movie. I will roughly outline my timeline in another post.

Mr Wayne is the business man. He does not respond to Bruce, as he both sees himself as above others and ISN'T Bruce. He's the only introject, and he's an introject of Thomas Wayne. He isn't mean or entirely self centered. He makes sure the employees of his company and all of the companies he owns are treated well. He pays for employees' family's education, rent, food, whatever they need. He has a LOT of money and he knows that as long as he keeps his businessess going and his employees happy, he won't ever go bankrupt. He uses that to help whoever he can, he donates large sums to charities, etc. He's commonly around at the same time Brucie is. He isn't allowed to be around at the same time Bruce Wayne (the little/child) is, though, due to the fact that their real father was abusive. He'd scare the kid.

[a-really-good-lawyer-abandoned]

Something I never see people talk about (which could be because I simply haven't come across it) is how rough forming a new hyperfixation can be, especially a core hyperfixation.

I've loved Star Trek for years. But for whatever reason, it wasn't until a couple years ago that something in my brain *clicked* and it became a new core hyperfixation.

In some ways it was better than past such hyperfixations because there is so much Star Trek out there to consume, between shows and films and then the fandom content because this fandom has been alive and well for over 50 years, gave birth to modern fandom.

But that didn't change the fact that, for the ensuing six months, it consumed my life - and not in the fun, tongue-in-cheek way we say 'this fandom consumes my life', like semi-hyperbole.

When I say it consumed my life, I mean it was near non-stop hyperfocus for months.

My apartment was constantly a mess, same as my sense of time. My sleep schedule was constantly erratic. I was often dehydrated, had frequent headaches, often found myself shaking from all the adrenaline surges. I dropped fifteen pounds almost without noticing (weight I shouldn't have dropped).

I was always drained, always disoriented, always distracted. It didn't feel good. Really, it felt distinctly bad, and I felt completely out of control to make it stop. If I made myself ignore the media and fic and fan art and all of that, it just meant I sank into myself, got lost in my head for hours on end.

After the first two months it began to gradually, slowly ease up, and when I hit around six months it stopped feeling like I was being dragged along and started to feel the way I want when it comes to hyperfixations - it was fun, mood-boosting. Engaging with it improved my mental health, instead of causing it, along with my physical health, to deteriorate.

That was probably the worst 'epsiode' I've had, but I've had them several times. The one when I developed the Daredevil hyperfixation thankfully lasted only two months, same as when it was FMA:B and BBC Merlin, and...three months, I think, for Star Wars? The one that got closest was Smallville, my first fandom hyperfixation, though I imagine some of that had to do with it coming out when I first had regular internet access. That one was maybe four or five months, and was dragged out by the fact that I was in high school so I was 'forced' away from it all by the anxiety of college applications and AP exams and all that fun stuff.

I love having these things. They've been good for me, for my emotional welfare - have helped me survive so much. I never regret that initial rough aspect, not that I've ever had the power to do things differently.

But it is rough, and one of the aspects of neurodivergence I've had the most trouble explaining to neurotypical people. They see it as simple obsession or addiction, something that I fell into and need to take steps to pull myself out of, rather than something that my brain just does at the drop of a hat and which won't stop until I go through that process. Trying not to, trying to mitigate it, just ends up dragging that process out. It can't be reduced or bypassed. It's just part of how my brain works.

And people trying to interfere with that, to 'fix' that by making me pay attention to other things, giving me tasks, whatever it may be - it does nothing to change it. If anything, it makes the whole thing much more destabalizing, in ways that can have major consequences for my state of mind, and I've had the experiences to prove it.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, but I just...wanted to put it out there. I think there can be shame attached to this reality - shame I've felt, and which I've come to recognize originates from neurotypical social expectations and a lack of understanding.

If this is something you've dealt with and have been shamed for, I hope this post can give you some comfort. It isn't a failing, isn't deviant, isn't indulgent. It just is, and you aren't bad or broken or weak because of it.

[midnakoopa]

Jesus Fucking Christ, I have a new most hated character in all of media and it's the principal from Koleda's story missions. Angry rant below.

This cunt oversees an illegal mining operation that sees a hollow overtake a kindergarten, and only feels bad for a moment when he finds out his daughter's caught up in it. The whole time smugly and condescendingly spinning bullshit about how he's a "law-abiding citizen", while ACTIVELY in the presence of the thugs he's hired to do the mining. AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF, he not only gets off scot-free, but gets a better-paying job. Meanwhile, we're supposed to just be okay with it because "oh wahh if it came out her father was a criminal this child would get bullied :(".

What pisses me off isn't JUST the character, it's the godawful writing, too. Like, we have multiple eyewitnesses to this shit, including the fucker's own daughter, and he just gets off because "the association never got involved uwu". In WHAT fucking world?

I have no memory of ANY time a character/plot has made me actually scream, several times, at length, from being so frustrated.

The worst part is, I thought ZZZ was doing fine, plot-wise. It went three whole chapters without pissing me off, which is a LOT more than I can say about Genshin Impact. The first time I got mad was at the Jane interlude, because hey, there was ONE direction for them to escape to when she threw a smoke bomb. WALK FORWARD. Y'know, like Seth did? Looking back, sure, maybe it's excusable as "they needed to not catch Jane because she's undercover". Fine, whatever.

Then I get to Grace's story and HOOOOLY shit. I was already kinda on the fence about Grace from chapter 2; turns out yeah, I hate this woman's guts. Completely forgets a woman from her school that was on her team, that she was roommates with, and then we get the setup for a plot predictable from the get-go of "oh it's okay that her personality sucks and she disregards other people to a practically misanthropic degree because she's good at machines and she was right about this the whole time; that excuses everything else about her". Boring. Meanwhile the narrative ends up treating the frankly justified Betty like the villain, and honestly it feels like they want us to not feel bad for her at the end.

Which, uh, doesn't that fuckin' suck? Already frustrated after one poorly-written story, then right into another, with the biggest cunt I've ever had the displeasure of seeing.

[review-anon]

2023 ASOOT Hunger Games Aftermath

SPOILERS FOR THE 2023 ASOOT HUNGER GAMES AHEAD

PA: KANADE OTONOKOJI HAS BEEN ELMINATED BY EITO KOBAYASHI!

(Urggghh....that wasn't very pleasant....I was so out of it during that Hunger Game. Why did I let the worst Lucky Student ever kill me?)

(Seriously its one thing to have Makoto Naegi...Nagito Komaeda...heck even Yuki Maeda kill me, but instead some loser OC? And I can't even get revenge when he gets eliminated since he's not allowed in this blog!)

PA: FUMIO FUJIMORI HAS BEEN ELIMINATED BY HAJIME HINATA!

(Oooo Hajime killed someone, that's gonna break him~)

(In all fairness, I think Hibiki being killed off so soon is what made me lose focus...I've been through so many Hunger Games...but losing my precious sister always hurts. I can never focus, maybe that's why I got Kobayashi-kun to kill me-)

PA: EITO KOBAYASHI HAS BEEN ELIMINATED BY SETSUKA CHIEBUKURO!

(And that brings a smile to my face! My killer didn't get to go away scott-free and best of all, its my Prime timeline victim who does it, take that!)

*Eventually the Hunger Games conclude*

PA: THE WINNER IS ETSU DEGUICHI!

(Seriously? That gloomy mortician girl won? Talk about unfitting...oh well Review Anon has been messing up these Hunger Games a lot so this will probably go again and I can-)

Alright everyone! That one finally worked so firstly congratulations on the win Etsu and we can finally publish-

REVIEW ANON! I'M SO GONNA KILL YOU FOR THIS!

Oh look Nikei isn't happy with me. Well isn't THAT new. And we have been over this, I'm already dead so you cannot kill me.

So what's your rant of the moment gonna be about?

Okay so let me preface by saying that normally, I don't mind these Hunger Games. Sure, they aren't the best things out there but its a good way for me to get stress out of my system, and besides there are some people who I wouldn't mind shooting in the face without consequences.

If you know what I mean.

That doesn't answer my question.

But this one...this one...you REALLY crossed the line with. And I don't care if you are already dead, I'm gonna make you wish your original death, whatever it was, banished you to the afterlife!

Okay, okay let's see what's got your notebook all twisted....let's see Nikei killed 2 people this Hunger Game. The first one is Mori Miwa, someone you barely know and thus wouldn't have any moral qualms killing with a sickle, and the second kill is....Marin Mizuta who got accidently knocked off a cliff while in a knife fight with you...

Oh....oh no.....

You sick motherfucking ghost...you made murder my baby sister...and because of that you are gonna PAY for this!

W-Wait I need to see if Etsu has anything to say-

*BANG!* *BANG!* *BANG!*

SHIT! I NEED TO BOLT!

*Review Anon then flies through a wall in order to escape*

GET FUCKING BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!

*Nikei then takes off in hot pursuit of Review Anon and charges down the hallway, trying to find the rooms Review Anon is phasing through*

(That's what you get for running 5 Hunger Games in a row.)

*Eventually some more time has passed and Kanade is still in the simulation room deep in thought.*

(Okay so while this isn't the only Hunger Game on, this actually works out well for me.)

(After all Review Anon had 4 failed Hunger Games, and while I didn't win any of them, there were 3 other winners, because one of them won twice. Maybe I can seek them out and forge an alliance?)

(Yes Yomiuri-kun is hunting her down now, but that's not good enough, she needs to suffer lots more for doing this. So many people here hate her Hunger Games so finding people who want Review Anon knocked down a peg would be a clinch)

(Now then...who were the winners? Well the first one is gonna be hard as firstly there is history between us, Prime timeline history, and I have a horrid feeling she wouldn't want to-)

???: Hey Kana, what's wrong? You seem out of it.

Huh?

You haven't moved for a while. Wasn't your Hunger Game death that bad?

Not really...after all allowing yourself to be killed by some loser who only became an Ultimate because he won some lottery sucks, but there are worse deaths.

Besides you killed the guy who eliminated me in the first place, so if anything I owe you one.

Right...I guess I did, didn't I?

[winwintea]

hi i love ur blog, i just wanna say i love ur smaus too like the characters seem all fleshed out with their own personalities and in comparison to other smaus its a lot easier to differentiate. i was thinking of starting a writing blog so i was just curious as to how you manage to do that? like maybe some tips and tricks you could give?

anyways hope you have a nice day <33

ur literally so sweet omg <33

but sure yes i can give you some tips and pointers if you'd like !!

make like character charts or bullet points down for all the characters.

if you're creative and artistic, draw out like a large ass character relationship chart. i've done one with secure that card and belladonna where i literally just drew arrows to each of the characters plus what the arrows meant.

this is one i made for when i started belladonna! (free from spoilers teehee) but you can see label relationships on it if you want! it makes it more clear, and if you forget a relationship it doesn't seem like ur making something up later in the story.

you can also like just write down bullet points on what you want the characters to be/act like. it's important to write this stuff down otherwise you'll lose it and forget! i won't show u my belladonna one bc it has spoilers on it, but i'll show u a basic one i used for mark lee vs the world. (obviously i conveyed most of these in the profiles but it's still good to update and add onto it when you need to)

2. study mbti or other personality categorizations!

back in 2020 i was SO OBSESSED WITH mbti. it's helped so much with writing and understanding characters on a personal level. whenever i get lost and don't know how to distinguish a personality from another i usally deep dive and watch content or remember what i know about mbti.

now there's obviously the specific 4-letters mbti, the functions mbti, and what the members think their own mbti is. obviously the test itself is dumb, so i don't always listen to what nct thinks their own mbti is or what the internet is. i like to do my own research into the functions and how i perceive the members for help.

this has also helped me a lot because there was for a period of time, where i wasn't sure how to write jeno and some of the members of 127. but studying his mbti really helped me create a personality to him!

here's my dreamie mbti thoughts at the moment if anyone wants them. i can also give my thoughts for any of the others if anyone is interested!

mark: infj. him being extroverted is so forced omg, take one closer look at this man and you can see his more introverted qualities. i'd accept isfj too, but his Ni function IS SOOOO STRONG.

renjun: RENJUN IS SUCH A BIG. "we don't know them personally situation" because i'll literally accept any variation of renjun at all. he knows much more about mbti than anyone else i've seen, especially coupled with the fact that he doesn't want to tell anyone what his mbti is, because he knows how annoying people can get about it. also he precieves himself as an extrovert which is shocking to me, but i feel like in this case i'd just type him as an istj/intp lol.

jeno: istp. i had to turn to pdb for this one lol, which isn't the worst place ever to start, but it also becomes a big ass echo chamber at times. though i relatively agree with istp lmfao.

haechan: enfp/entp. this one is always up in the air, because like jaemin people can't really tell if haechan is an extrovert or introvert. the way i disagree with the entire internet on this one lol. someone tell him to stop taking the fucking test he is definitely not an istp. 💀

jaemin: isfj. his test is pretty accurate i'd say, there's a lot of debate over whether or not jaemin is an extrovert or introvert, but if you actually pay attention to the way he acts when he isn't just around dreamies you can see how his social battery gets used up fairly fairly quickly. (cough cough nct world cought nct world)

chenle: definite entj. as someone who personally is an entj, i see so many entj qualities shine through this man.

jisung: infp. jisung's definitely introverted, but he has so many infp qualities. the patience and attentiveness, his fairness and morality, and deep connection with feelings. SO INFP CODED.

i hate how misinformed the kpop community is about mbti. it makes my blood boil actually. please read into the functions if you have time rather than just taking a test and calling it a day. THANK YOU.

[sethmacenzie]

So I've said my part about ofmd season 2s finale and that I didn't even care anymore that my favourite character died, but the show had such an insane decline from season 1 to season 2 it was simply not as enjoyable for the entire time.

So here's a quick critique of open issues that stuck with me:

-they killed Ivan off-screen and he's only mentioned once in passing, no one cares or questions where he is when they meet again, they were fine with Izzy there, but didn't even bother asking about a crew member they were much closer with -Buttons turned into a seagull (which I didn't think was bad) and it's only questioned once by Roach and then never again brought up, and Roach asks if Ed didn't simply kill him and it's just ignored -Ed doesn't really become part of the crew, he doesn't pay up for what he did and why is Izzys deathbed apology more sincere than Ed's non apology about Izzys leg? He doesn't deserve to come back at all, because he doesn't do anything to earn it. He spends a day with Fang and that counts for the whole crew, Fang who isn't even angry at him -Izzy actually earns his place within the crew and still has to apologize to Ed, his worst abuser. Sure Izzy was part of the problem with Blackbeard, but in no way does it justify what Ed did to him (and everyone else while he was Captain of the Revenge) -remember last season when Ed made it clear that he only ever killed one person, and then in the finale he coldly pushed Lucius over and it was therefore a big deal? Yeah Ed just randomly kills like it's nothing now, and "go back to what you were good at", it wasn't killing, Ed was never good at killing

-they barely paid attention to the non ships aside from Izzy and it sucks. We had such a wonderful balance in season 1 of crew live, that we got to love them all, we didn't have any of that in season 2, it's so plain when you look at Archie, she just didn't get what her crewmates got to the point you don't care about her all that much -speaking of Archie, that relationship something with Olo, JIm, Archie and Zhang Yi Sao was a mess, they sank of the biggest relationships from season 1, which had such a well done ark in the first episodes, and many, myself included thought we might get a poly relationship, but we didn't, we got the mess we had. We had a well developed relationship that took an entire season to build and it got removed during the first three episodes in favour of two new underdeveloped characters getting with them in no time

-I know we are not historically accurate and don't bother too much with it, but Zheng Yi Sao is the most powerful female pirate in history and they nerved her for nothing, I did like how Richard got rid of her fleet, but they should have used someone else than a pirate known for dying peacefully because she got so powerful she made a deal

-the pacing was obviously bad, and I want to give them as much nicety about it as possible, but Owl House got cut from an entire season to three episodes and they still manged to nail it, ofmd lost 2 episodes and it doesn't excuse this pacing

-honestly Izzys redemption ark was rushed, just so he could be killed off, it was too much, too fast. I do love the first few episodes of him, but doing drag was a bit far fetched for episode 6, but it's a small complain, loved the singinig and dancing

-"bottle it up" is the new solution to problems, after "talk it through as a crew" from season 1. Lucius, Frenchie and Izzy just bottle everything up and nothing bad comes of it, we're supposed to believe that's a good thing? -everyone knows Stede is alive, Mary relies on him being dead and it's never brought up or important whatsoever

-this season feels like there aren't proper consequences, Ed can leave and come back and it's fine, Buttons can turn into a seagull and no one cares, Auntie gets blown up with the fleet and survives, people get stabbed multiple times and survive, but Izzy gets shot and dies, it's all over the place -there is always the whole: we have a suicidal character, they try to kill themselves, they fail, they get over their depression, they finally get happy, and we kill them off just after they found happyness. It sucks as a trope, it gives every last person that is suicidal the feeling that being happy is not worth it, because you're going to die anyway and well, maybe don't have the characer that tried to kill himself this season a line about wanting to go and in the same episode that had "it's only suicide if we die", it's tasteless at best and ill-intended at worst

-Roach is in the main cast now, but I swear he had more scenes in season 1 than seaosn 2

-having a tiny funeral scene and bam wedding, like there was no decent emotional impact on either of these moments, any why would they bury him without his leg or ring?

-Stede has a panic moment when he kills Ned and it seems like that's why he and Ed slept togeher, but it's not brought up that killing is still an issue

To end it on a few positive notes, I liked -Swede becomes Jackies husband and Roach going Mrs Bettet about the whole thing -most of the first three episodes in general -Buttons turning into a seagull and being recognized as a seawitch -having more historical figures -Auntie -Susan (mostly) aside from the issue I brought up -Wee John getting into knitting -Izzy sining and dancing -the entire leg arch of Izzy -pretty much all Izzy/Stede interactions -Frenchie sceming again and the rest all going with it -indigo! -everyones new looks -Fang going fishing and his and Roachs spa day -the after credit scenes -Ed freaking out because Stede moved too fast -Stede having a killing flashback when killing Ned Low -Spanish Jackie in general, but especially poisoning everyone and getting Swede a new look -Richard as the main antagonist -Clocks -Stede getting Hellcat Maggie and the to mutiny -the entire cast was amazing

And I shouldn't have to say this, but: don't harass people over this, critiquing is fine, threats are not. And no it's not bury your gays, everyone here is gay and that is not one of the issues this season had.