#the pawn saying 'well done :D'

[themanwhomadeamonster]

the comedic timing of this entire clip...

[lizardho]

I came out to my dad as bisexual at 14 and I was PANICKED because I had a crush on a guy in my Boy Scout troop and thought I was Going To Hell Forever and he was so kind and understanding of my distress, but he had NO idea what bisexuality was. He just said “yeah but you like girls too? This is normal. Everyone is like this.” And I love my dad and trust him with my life to this day and the idea that the concept of bisexuality had not occurred to him had not occurred to me so I put it off.

By 16 though I had a crush on like THREE boys. Three entire boys in my Boy Scout troop. I felt like my sin was slowly advancing, until like an untreated cancer it had become metastatic. I remember bawling my L’il limp-wristed sissy eyes out in his big rumbly truck on the way home from a scout meeting and him telling me that it was OK, that he still loved me if I was gay, but that he knew I wasn’t gay because I still had crushes on women and that meant I was straight. I didn’t quite know how to explain that those felt *~*different*~* and that I felt like I was losing a fight to evil inside me but I again felt comforted by his reassurances and his genuine fatherly love.

At 18 I was like “hey I’m realizing all my friends are going on missions. I don’t wanna do that. Idk how to say that and I don’t have a ‘good enough’ reason to not wanna go.” So I just put it off. Again, my parents were extremely supportive of the information I gave them (I blamed it on perpetually forgetting to start the paperwork.) and one day my mom texted me that she had done the paperwork for me! And that all I needed was to get a physical! So I did that (it was awkward af tbh, my hernia check was done by a trainee doctor and she spent like 3 minutes fishing around my inguinal canals before her attending rescued me) and was sent to Mexico City where I learned that in addition to dipshit himbos with strong hands and scruffy guys with artistic hearts I was REALLY into chubby Latin men with strong personalities who bullied me a little when I lived in Mexico.

I remember my first companion got annoyed with me during an argument and said we were just gonna wrestle and whoever won the wrestling match won the argument (I stg I am dead serious this happened.) I was like…SWEATING when he tore off his tie and threw his white button-down shirt onto the ground (I won btw, don’t ask me how).

I remember one of my companions with this really intense, almost manic energy telling me that he was gonna make sure I was safe in a new area I didn’t know very well. He cooked breakfast for me and we’d go shopping together on P-Days and in the mornings before breakfast he’d jog around and do pull-ups with his shirt off and I’d do anything but look at him because my face would break out in a sweat so intense he’d think I was crying and come over to see if I was OK and somehow make it worse. He let me play D&D with myself in the evenings even though it was against mission rules because he knew how lonely and stressed I was.

I remember one of my companions was a big chubby man with a loud voice and a great sense of humor. He was kind and direct when addressing conflicts with me, and always bragged about how he knew the secrets of women’s minds and it felt like he really did since it almost always boiled down to “Treat Them Like People and Love Them a Lot. Don’t Stop Being A Person For Them. Also Eat Them Out Sloppy Style.” Our P-Day activities sometimes felt like dates, and it seemed like he was more attentive to my emotional state than I was since he was always the first to suggest we slow down our Divinely Mandated, God-Ordained, Super Sacred Work and Wonder to get a snack or check out a Pawn Shop (I love Pawn Shops).

I remember another companion who asked me to bully him every time he did something against his goal of losing weight. It was like he gave me Carte Blanche to take out my crush on him by being a nuisance and I LOVED that. I remember having a breakdown one day after we’d spent the afternoon frantically cleaning our disgusting-barely-habitable mission house to make it look less vile that it was (not our fault imo?) and I started bawling and he pulled me into a hug and he smelled good and he told me he knew it wasn’t just the house and that I was mad at him for being a Huge Dickhead for about a week (true) and that he would work on it. (He’s also a huge chaser but that’s a separate thing.)

I remember one of my companions waking up early (and our schedule is already built for sleep deprivation) to make me a “birthday cake” from knock-off Nutella and bread. He used matches for candles and woke me up, lit the ‘candles,’ pulled them out, then smashed it in my face and took a bunch of pictures while I was still madrugada and disoriented as fuck. He had the same sense of humor as one of my HS crushes and I could push his buttons pretty easily which was so fun.

I came home from my mission and started back at BYU where I became actively and aggressively suicidal. I had a stalker the year I moved up there and my dad’s solution to that was to get me a gun. I know he wouldn’t have bought me a gun if he could have read my mind, but I had a loaded pistol under my bed during a trifecta faith/sexuality/gender crisis and that was not helpful. I remember that the day I decided to kill myself I figured I’d call the BYU CAPS and see if I could get into therapy because it felt like what I was “supposed to do” so I could check my suicide boxes. My therapist was the guy who’d helped me pick a major the year before and was this drop-dead gorgeous Hawaiian man who cried when I told him how I’d been feeling.

A few weeks into therapy I met another stunning man with soft eyes and a scruffy illegal-at-BYU beard he kept pushing his luck with. He was funny, kind, patient, married, and wouldn’t give me the time of day if he knew I was crushing on him. We were in my history of psych class, which was inarguably the worst psych class I have ever had, and we studied together for every assignment and test and I realized that my feelings for him and for all the men I’d already mentioned were in direct conflict with my faith and relationship with God. My already agonizing spiritual conflict became even more wretched and as a result of this plus some other tightly-packed experiences with Mormonisms bullshit, I left the church.

After leaving the church I decided to move back to AZ and transfer to ASU. My mom helped me get a dog since I think it had started to dawn on my family that my mental health was barely getting me through the day, and she knew that we both loved dogs. Madi made my last year at BYU livable while I got my shit together and transferred. In that last year, I went on a date with quite possibly the only semi-openly-out trans person on BYU campus. It was not a great date imo, I was not doing well, but the person I spoke with was fun and fascinating and talked to me about Gender Dysphoria and it really cemented my need to go. To leave and never come back to that fucking school.

I started at ASU a month after my last semester at BYU and within a very short time frame it felt like I was coming back together, like a puzzle magically putting itself together in an environment that wasn’t slowly draining that puzzle’s will to live.

On the 4th of July, the year I started at ASU, I saw a transition timeline photo of a gorgeous happy beautiful happy radiant happy woman and her former Mormon missionary self and I realized the light that was on in her eyes was the light that was off in mine. I looked into transitioning for 3 days, sleeping about 10 hours total during that time. I started talking to other trans people on Reddit (one of whom is now my beautiful fiancée @cintailed) and after about a month of making preparations to be disowned and kicked out, something I was not sure would happen but was ready to go through to Turn On The Lights, I came out to my family and it was amazing. I started HRT a month after that. I secretly dated some dorky guys for about a year while I applied to grad schools. I got into a great grad school for me and my needs. I got FFS. I did my trainings and classes. Me and my fiancée moved in together after some LDR shenanigans. We’ve lived together now for 4 years of basically marital bliss. We have a cat named Grandmother Esmeralda Weatherwax who bites the hell out of my feet about three times a day. My bi-cycle continues to be part of my life but now it’s not as scary. Baby gays in my life have started to look to me for advice. Idk how this all happened so fast. When the years, months, weeks, days, and hours seems to crawl by so slowly now they are rushing past me so fast it’s almost bewildering. Whereas before I felt like I was living on borrowed time, past my ‘expiration date,’ now it feels like I can Fucking Breathe. I’m training myself to slow down now and it feels worth it to Live In The Moment.

Idk why I wrote this. Idk why these thoughts only seem to come up on Sundays when I’m supposed to be writing my dissertation. Idk why I’m crying rn or why I feel so happy. I’m gonna post this shit then get on with my dissertation I guess. Read more Terry Pratchett and give yourselves the time you need. Get a pet. Talk to someone. Re-examine the events that brought you here. Be gayer. Love y’all 💕

[verinarin]

VERIIII (what should I call you--) what about Aventurine x cold reader? It can be a oneshot. I don't know why but I like flirty man x 'oh yeah' woman. Feel free to ignore~ :D

OHH THAT’S A CUTE TROPE !!, BTW VERI’S FINE IT’S MY NICKNAME HEHE, I hope you enjoy this smoll fic !

fluff w mentions of blood | A mission with Aventurine what could possibly happen?

Can I get to know you better ?

It’s been too long, approximately 1 hour since he went in to the room. He asked you to wait outside since it’ll be done soon but seriously you should’ve keep an eye on him.

Bang bang !

Two shots could be heard.

Yup, you should’ve accompanied him.

Before you could even twist the door knob, he gingerly walks outside with splashes of crimson red painted his face, “Sorry for the long wait, I seriously thought it’ll be a lot smoother with that guy,” Aventurine huffs.

“Do I really need to know about whatever this is,” you sigh as you point your finger to trace the blood on his face and clothes.

“You do not want to know that’s for sure,” he laughs as wipes a streak of blood with his thumb, without any words exchange you walk towards, closing in the distance between you both.

You swiftly took out your handkerchief and wipe the blood off his face as clean as you could, your gentle wipes and sudden move turned his face as red as the blood, “Aww you care about me don’t you,”

“Not really, I just don’t want to be the center of attention. I mean walking beside a man covered with blood is pretty eye catching,” you reply candidly, what a way to broke someone’s heart, he thought.

After cleaning his face you undress your coat and wrap it around him to cover the blood marks around his chest, “Next time if you plan to kill a person, do it as clean as possible can’t you ?,”

“Sorry for being such a hassle, let me make it up yeah ?. How about dinner at that new place that’s open,” he chuckles as he wear your coat.

“No need,” you reply shortly.

“C’mon don’t lose your chance at using me,” he smiles, to be honest he had always wanted to know you better but most of the time you declined his offer to go drink or eat somewhere.

“That’s the thing I never intended to use you, I respect you well enough that I don’t want you to treat me like how you treat others, like a pawn,” you reply calmly as you walk away, yet he can’t help but to disrupt your movements.

With his hand wrap around your wrist he holds you in place, “H-hey I worded it out wrong, umm I’d like to get to know you better, we’ve been working together for quite some time now and you’re such a mystery to me,” you turn around to look at him as he lets go of your wrist.

“What I was saying is that I genuinely want to get to know you better, no strings attached, so dinner ?,” he softly ask hoping that you wouldn’t turn him down again

“Alright then but you’re driving,”

[bunnypansy]

NSFW Alphabet: Pantalone!

Rated R for EXPLICIT CONTENT!

A short script about the ABCs of The Regrator's sex life!

Featuring: Pantalone, and you!

Beware! This film contains: sexual content (duh), objectification, humiliation, financial domination, pet play, submission, handcuffs, spit kink, orgasm denial, edging, dacryphilia, mild degradation

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Perfect. Really! While the richest harbinger, Pantalone does not strike me as the lazy type. He’s not going to pawn off the aftercare on any staff, he’d rather do it himself. Pantalone goes through the same steps every time; he quickly cleans himself up, then gently wipes up the majority of your… fluids. He’ll run you both a nice bath- and you KNOW the Regrator has a giant, beautiful bathtub. Of course, Pantalone will clean you up with the highest quality soap, and when you’re done, he’ll moisturize you from head to toe! No need to stay awake, Pantalone doesn’t mind if you doze off. While he’s mostly hands on, he’ll have staff swap out the messy sheets before he lays you down to rest. Most likely, he’ll hold you close while you fall asleep and he reads.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Your skin overall, which yeah, I know sounds weird, but walk with me. He loves your soft, smooth skin that’s perfect for bruising, kissing, biting; so pretty and delicate. Even in nonsexual moments, Pantalone likes to run his fingers over your skin and trace patterns, just for funsies. Like most of his things, he’ll do his best to make you take care of your beautiful skin. Also lips, beautiful, soft, pink lips just get him hard immediately; wear lip gloss and he’ll fall apart.

It’s not hard to see that Pantalone takes incredible care of his hair. He spends an immeasurable amount of time fussing over it, with a detailed washing schedule and care instructions. He spends much of his morning routine brushing, and styling his hair; if you feel like playing with it or styling it, feel free- but NEVER pull on his hair. EVER.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Pantalone takes impeccable care of himself, he’s well hydrated and keeps a good diet, so his cum is a clear, almost pearly color. It’s textured a lot like syrup and has almost no taste except for a faint saltiness- you’re not really sure how he makes his cum that flavorless. Pantalone doesn’t cum very much, it’s a bit disappointing but I’ll let you in on a little secret; if you squeeze his balls a lil bit you can make him squirt, and if you feel like putting in the effort, keep milking his cock after he starts cumming and he’ll cum even more. Please draw out his orgasm!!! Pantalone prefers cumming in your mouth, on your face or on your tummy- he’s not fond of trying to scoop his cum out of you later, too messy. Besides, don’t you just look beautiful with his cum on your face? Of course you do.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He wants to try butt stuff. Huh? No no, not on you. (:

Okay fine I'll elaborate. I don't think he's experimented with anal on his own, he simply has a curiosity that he wants to sate. After sometime, Pantalone might bring up the subject, as casually as one might talk about the weather over morning tea. He actually wants to start rather vanilla with this, a bit of fingering, some gentler sex. After getting a small taste for subbing, he might let you do a few other things to him (cough cough sounding)

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Fairly? I don’t think he’s all that experienced when it comes to sustained relationships, he's very busy and not opposed to hiring sex workers! Everyone has needs, and he is happy to pay for services he deems necessary, as long as he’s satisfied with the result. In short; intimate experience? No. Casual experience? Yes.

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying)

Pantalone is usually fucking on the go (read: in his office), so he usually goes for the classic bending over desk. If he’s in the office, he’ll press your chest down the desktop and take you from behind, usually with his fingers in your mouth to pull you back and hold your jaw open. For a long while, he'll probably do this in the bedroom for a while too, bending you over the edge of the bed instead; but once he gets more accustomed to intimacy, I think he'll switch to missionary. Call it vanilla, but he likes being able to see your face, your expressions really heighten the experience for him.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

I wouldn't call it humorous, so much as mocking. He's not laughing with you, he's laughing at you. Pantalone likes humiliating you in little ways, squishing your tear-stained cheeks together and calling you a crybaby, then laughing at you. If you try to tease him back however, he'll brush it off and somehow turn it back onto you. He's mean? Awww, but you like it don't you? Mean perv.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Pantalone strikes me as the sort of man who just. Full body waxes. Not hair to be found on this man. Which is a damn shame cus he's got some of the most beautiful hair I've ever seen, so silky and soft… no he won't stop waxing even if you beg. Sorry sports fans, your hairy man is in another castle.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

When Pantalone was younger, (shallow) people weren’t exactly interested in him, now he’s just too busy with work to bother forming a relationship with others, so he's used to transactional sex. He's probably going to remain rather distant for a while; you will have to have a conversation about it for sure. Pantalone will take your criticism into consideration very easily, he wants you both to enjoy your time after all, then change his behavior for you. It's going to be an awkward change at first, and he'll engage in a lot of pillow talk to go over what was good and what needs improvement, but Pantalone will be nothing but agreeable.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Why would he attempt to satisfy himself with his hands when he could just pay for an escort? Truly, Pantalone doesn't see the need and doesn't get horny enough to crank the ol' hog. But I am nothing if not a kind God! So I'll write this for you anyway.

Unlike with sex, Pantalone will not want to mastrubate in his office, it's too vulnerable and he finds it a bit embarrassing. He is definitely the type of guy to take it slowly, slow strokes over his shaft and rubbing his thumb over his tip, then a good squeeze around the base. Pantalone stays quiet most of the time, just barely panting as he touches himself.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Humiliation: Pantalone loves to feel superior, full stop. As long as you give consent, Pantalone likes to keep you naked in his office, sitting on his desk or the floor like an ornament. His favorite thing to do is keep you bound in a corner, stuffed full of toys for anyone to see, but only him to touch.

Financial domination: He likes being the one with all the money in the relationship. A little part of himself thinks you'll only like him as long as he's rich, so flaunting his wealth to you is a turn on. It's also relieving to him that you're dependent, so that way, you can never leave. Pantalone loves most to dress you up in fineries, then tear it all off in the heat of the moment, just to prove how little those things mean to him.

Mild pet play: dragging you around on a leash is one of Pantalone's greatest pleasures. He likes feeling as if he owns you, calling you pet, giving you orders. Pantalone is definitely the type to buy you a very fancy collar with real jewels on it, then use it as a handle while you fuck. If he's going to have any pet, it'll be a puppy, he's interested in the absolute obedience dogs have.

Submission: Pantalone does not put up with brats, hands down. He desires complete and utter obedience from you in the bedroom, you can either comply or miss out on your dick appointment. Brat taming? In this economy?

Handcuffs: While I don't feel Pantalone likes full body bondage (he likes to feel you struggle against him), he appreciates handcuffs or general hand bondage. It's a good way to yank you around and make sure you don't pull his hair out. His personal favorite is to bind your hands, then make you sit on his lap with your arms around his neck.

Spit: I can't say I have strong reasoning for this, it's just a gut feeling. It's something about spitting in your mouth and making you swallow it that makes the possessive part of him flare up.

Objectification: I mean really, is anyone surprised? This man fully believes he can buy anything, including you. He owns you, and he's not going to act otherwise. Sometimes, if he's had a stressful night, he'll just lube you up and fuck you like a fleshlight, and he's not afraid call you such things either. "Pet", "toy", and "doll" are some of his favorite things to call you.

Orgasm denial/Edging (they go hand in hand for this man): This follows closely with his objectification kink- oh you wanna cum? No, no, no, pet. Fleshlights don't need to cum do they? Ah- they don't talk, either. Watching you squirm and cry for him strokes his ego greatly, and he's not afraid to make you beg.

Dacryphilia: You look. So pretty. When you cry. Your lips trembling, your eyes glittering with tears, eyes and nose reddened, cheeks wet- and at his hand? Even better. Of course, Pantalone cares too much about you to enjoy when you're simply miserable, but when he edges you to tears? Nothing better.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

Pantalone is a rather private man, he'll want to stick to his two safe spaces; your bedroom and his office. Of course, the bedroom is your house, but he claims that no one can argue with what he does in the privacy of his own office, especially if someone forgets to knock- not like he'd stop either way. Public bathrooms or secluded alleys are beneath him, while fucking on couches or in showers is just too much of a hassle.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

What Pantalone REALLY wants out of this, is to feel like he owns you. He wants to know that you belong to him, that you are dependent upon him, and that he controls you; it's almost a comfort to him. If Pantalone holds all the control between the two of you, then it is utterly up to him whether you stay or go.

However, Pantalone will spend every waking moment reminding you why you should stay, and this applies to the bedroom as well. He wants to hear you cry out, feel you squirm, watch you cry; a reminder that he is the best man you will ever have.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Piss. I wouldn't call this particularly controversial, only a bit disappointing for the little pee-pee boys in the crowd (it's me I'm pee-pee boys). He doesn't like much of any kink that creates smell and a mess, it's just too much of a hassle to clean up and isn't worth it to him.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

For such a greedy man, Pantalone is a giver!!!! He doesn't care for receiving oral- it's fine -but why would he waste his time on fucking your mouth when he can be inside you? He much prefers the reactions he gets from eating you out or sucking you off. Considering this a bonus to the favorite position category, but when giving oral Pantalone has two favorite positions; letting you lay back and grabbing your hips to lift you to his mouth, or placing you on his lap upside down so your knees rest on his shoulders.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Pantalone keeps his pace moderate, focusing on making his thrusts deep and hard instead. He'll grab your waist and roll his hips against yours, aiming for all your sensitive spots with long, deep strokes. Of course, Pantalone's pace becomes a bit erratic when he's closer to cumming, speeding up then slowing to crawl- you know he's really at the edge when he starts pounding you as hard and fast as you can.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

No. Sorry guys. Pantalone wants to take his time with you and isn't going to settle for an ultimately dissatisfying quickie, he won't apologize either. Good things come to those who wait, don't they?

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

If you wanna try something new, Pantalone is happy to agree, most times he won't say no; though he might show hesitation if you ask him to harm you. You'll have to tell him in advance so he can properly research the kink and how to enact the fantasy safely, and even before you have sex he'll probably warn you that he's going to try something new.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

My guy is a one and done kind of man, squirt then skirt if you will. So yeah, unfortunately you're only getting a single round out of Pantalone, but that round can last about as long as you like- and perhaps longer. A session with Pantalone can last from one hour up to three, and he won't let himself cum once until you cum at least twice, so there are no worries of being left unsatisfied.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Yes! Absolutely! Nipple clamps, a couple bullet vibrators, a wand vibrator, vary sizes of plugs, beads and dildos, an O-ring gag, spreader bars- though he only uses those last two if you're being shy with him. For afab partners he also owns a rosebud vibrator, and for the amabs he owns sounding rods and cock rings. Mostly the toys are for you, but with a bit of encouragement you might be able to coax him into using a few on himself. After a fair bit of experimentation, Pantalone finds himself in favor of wearing a cock ring and nipple clamps while fucking you… you might get him to warm up to a bit of sounding.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

If Pantalone isn't a tease, then I don't know who is. He takes great pleasure in riling you up, then denying you sex entirely, not even allowing you to touch yourself; a test of your obedience. God forbid you break his rules and get caught using any toys on yourself- and you will get caught -Pantalone will spend hours punishing you for disobedience. You'll find yourself handcuffed and stuck in spreader bars, the largest dildo of Pantalone's collection stuffed into your hole. Your lover shows no kindness, grabbing the base of the toy and ramming it in and out as fast and hard as he can, but stopping right before you cum and waiting however long it takes for you to calm down. This will go on for hours until you're sobbing, begging for forgiveness and wailing your apologies. So yeah. Pantalone is far from fair.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

A few whimpers, mostly panting, maybe grunt here or there; While Pantalone may not be much of a moaner, he certainly is a chatterbox! He'll go on and on with you, muttering praise and degradation, fully expecting a response from you (how unrealistic, sir). He gets even worse when he gets closer to his orgasm; Pantalone's words break up with moans and become less coherent, but he still forces them out as fast as he possibly can, until he's stuttering forward a slew of curses at a near shout. Cutie <3

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

The male boob lovers in the crowd are going to like this one- I believe with my entire heart that my double D malewife has sensitive nipples, his left one pierced. They're naturally puffy and pink, and they turn all red and swollen when you play with them. Unfortunately, Pantalone isn't going to give you much of a chance to toy with his chest, so when do you get boob time? One of the few times he subs, that's when. He's not going to argue if you pinch and pull on his nipples in the middle of easing your way inside of him, Pantalone is going to whimper. Enjoy this power, and use it wisely.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

This man is vice president of the pretty penis club (I'll elaborate on the prez in a later post). He sits around 5.7-ish flaccid and an easy 6 when he's hard, a skinny penis haver but it's okay because I love him. He only really has one prominent vein that trails from the underside of his shaft then wraps around to the front side, just beneath his tip. Speaking of his tip!! It's a beautiful shade of pink that reddens when he gets hard, and drips soooo much pre. He's got a slight upward curve and when he's very hard, his dick nearly touches his abdomen.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Pantalone has a relatively low sex drive, really only feeling the need for sex every two to three weeks, however! He has no problem going at it more often if you so desire, if anything he likes how dependent upon him you are, please, ask for more.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Sleep?? After sex??? Pantalone could never. If anything, a good session clears his head and calms him down. He's more than likely to grab a lapdesk and do some paperwork while you're dozing off, but if it's really late or you went for a particularly long round he might just read at your side or even talk you to sleep.

That's the end of our showing for today, and as always, thank you for attending!

You can really REALLY smell the favoritism on this one, I'm very very in love with Pantalone and I wanna kith him.

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Hello hello! 👋

I have been a fan of your Grima-centric fics for a while now. I find it fascinating how he works as a character and seeing you explore his personality throughout your works is a favorite treat of mine ^^

One thing that stands out to me in particular is the dynamic that you’ve written for both Saruman and Gríma. Despite knowing that Gríma’s affection for Saruman is wholly one-sided, do you think there was a part of Saruman that considered Gríma as an almost companion? This came to mind when I realized that Saruman could’ve travelled alone to the Shire in the books, yet decided to take Gríma with him anyways. Would love to hear your opinion on this, seeing as you write them so well ^^

Aww thank you! I'm so glad you enjoy my little works - they are great fun to write and I'm always happy to hear when people find them a delight to read :D

The Saruman-Grima dynamic is one of those moments where I'm not sure Tolkien entirely appreciated what he had there with those two.

I personally do not think Saruman felt any sort of affection for or companionship with Grima. Initially, pre-war through to the early stages in February/March 3019, Grima was a useful pawn for Saruman in his chess tournament against both Rohan (whom he resented) and Sauron (who he wanted to triumph over).

So long as Grima was useful to him, Saruman might display warmth or a sort-of kindness, but it would have only been skin deep. Indeed, we know that as soon as Grima stopped being useful Saruman ceased being kind (presuming, naturally, that he had been kind previously. I assume he had, but that's speculation).

There is no depth to Saruman's affection for people - he is all about means to an end and that end is domination (he wants everyone and everything under his purview and to act and behave as he wishes for them to act and behave).

Saruman's calculating chilliness is born from his ambition, his pride and arrogance, and his disdain for those around him. Even Gandalf, one of the Wise, a fellow Maiar, barely makes the cut of someone Saruman might have a semblance of respect for. And that vanishes as soon as Gandalf says "dude, maybe don't align yourself with Sauron? That has, historically, not worked out for people. Also he's evil."

As Saruman says to Gandalf (emphasis mine):

"We may join with that Power. [...] As the Power grows, its proved friends will also grow; and the Wise, such as you and I, may with patience come at last to direct its course, to control it. [...] We can bide our time, we can keep our thoughts in our hearts, deploring maybe evils done by the way, but approving the high and ultimate purpose: Knowledge, Rule, Order; all the things that we have so far striven in vain to accomplish, hindered rather than helped by our weak or idle friends."

Aside: we might think Knowledge! that's good! But it's more along the lines of knowledge attained through horrific means to serve a horrific end. We're not talking about a high minded scholarliness here.

Saruman is the sort of person who breaks things (and, it can be inferred, people) to see how it works but with little intention of putting it back together. I love this particular exchange between Saruman and Gandalf (emphasis mine):

'White!' he [Saruman] sneered. 'It serves as a beginning. White cloth may be dyed. The white page can be overwritten; and the white light can be broken.' 'In which case it is no longer white,' said [Gandalf]. 'And he that breaks a thing to find out what it was has left the path of wisdom."

In any case, Saruman's not a warm or loving person. I do wonder if he might have once been - because Gandalf tries to save Saruman from himself on several occasions and I get a sense that there is real heartbreak for Gandalf in Saruman's betrayal. But was Saruman faking that the entire time? Who is to say.

Once Saruman's powers are removed and his staff broken we are left with the shadow of someone who once had been great and who is now bitter and twisted through with anger and resentment. Yet, his desire to control and dominate people in his life remains making for an even uglier combination than when he was at the height of his power.

Which brings us back to Grima - Grima who represents the Rohirrim (those measly horse lords who dared defy Saruman! and won!), who represents the race of Man (pathetic creatures Saruman thinks are incapable of managing themselves with sense or wisdom, better he control them), who represents the fall from power and grace, who represents everything Saruman is angry at.

Saruman brought Grima along so he would have one last thing to stand atop of. One last person to beat down and degrade. One last man he can scrape his claws through the brain and soul of in order to dismantle him for the sake of dismantling him.

When Frodo offers Grima a hand, a way out from Saruman that is truly a way out, with someone who would support him, and Grima is clearly tempted to accept Frodo's offer we see fear from Saruman. He lashes out: the Worm isn't very nice; didn't someone ask about Lotho? The Worm killed him. The Worm has been very hungry. The Worm might have eaten your cousin, why would you offer the Worm anything? The Worm should stay with me.

It's desperation and flailing, on Saruman's part, and all as a means of keeping Grima with him so Saruman has someone to beat, starve, and degrade. If there is someone else to be cruel to, then Saruman won't have to be alone with only himself to look at.

-

So yeah! In summary, I don't think Saruman is someone who would want to be alone because he would rather have a fellow traveler he detests and can be cruel to for the sake of cruelty. It gives Saruman a sense of control, a sense of "at least there is one person who is lower than me and it's this Worm that should crawl on his hands and knees after me. Which is what I deserve. I deserve followers and people to bow and scrape and serve me." etc.

Domination of others because you believe you know better (and are better) than them and that you could rule and order their life to your own desires is one hell of a drug. Don't take it! Not even once!

-

Thank you for the ask! :D I love talking about our beloved damp bog rat snake man who is confusingly wet. Also love talking about the local Tower Top.

[pod-together]

Filk Broken Telephone 2024

We highly recommend listening to these by starting with the first work in each chain and going in order!

Chain 1

campaign don’t start til I Walk in [A filk about D&D] (Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)) written by Dr_Fumbles_McStupid, performed by crackfics_georg Summary: A filk about fantasy tabletop roleplaying set to Ke$ha's tik tok written for Filk broken telephone 2024

[Filk] I wanna wreck the realm (Tortall - Tamora Pierce) written and performed by ChaosKiro Summary: What if Roger, instead of just monologuing at Alanna at the end had broken into song? Set to the tune of So what by P!nk, because he is kinda acting like a vindictive ex about it.

Rise a Corpse Army [Filk] (魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV)) written and performed by esbielle Summary: After the second siege of the burial mounds, while gathered in Lotus Pier, the sect leaders realize what Jin Guangyao was truly like. They turn to Wei Wuxian hoping he's now on their side. And Wei Wuxian has something to say. A filk set to "Love Song" by Sara Bareilles.

[Filk] Say Goodbye (七爷 | Qi Ye - priest) written and performed by minnabird Summary: Scatter all my memories Like petals floating in the breeze I'll say goodbye This road I walk will take me out of sight (Jing Beiyuan puts away his love for Helian Yi, to the tune of Nina Gordon's "Tonight and the Rest of My Life")

[Filk] This Time (คาธ | The Eclipse (TV 2022)) written and performed by Wereflamingo Summary: Akk marvels at how Aye refused to give up on him in spite of everything he's done. A filk based on No! by Bukahara (which is an excellent anti-fascist anthem, so if you don't know it, please listen to it too!)

Chain 2

Please note, the second work in this chain has lyrics but no audio, which we've noted right below the summary. When the audio is added to this works, we'll take the note off! You can wait to listen to that chain, or you can read the lyrics for that one and listen to the rest.

[Filk] Costume Party! (Original Work) written and performed by legonerd Summary: A re-imagining of Hell is Forever from Hazbin Hotel.

fun house [filk] (The Magnus Archives (Podcast), Original Work) written and performed by fan_ficcer Summary: looking twice before you leap in faith is wasting time naught left below to catch us but traps of their design we are nothing more than pawns that are meant to be used your choices were made for you before you even tried to move lyrics only—audio not yet added

Sounds of [REDACTED] (No Fandom) written by wilfriede0815, performed by wilfriede0815 and carboncopies

[filk] A Herding Dog's Lament (If We Were Villains - M.L. Rio) written and performed by ShakespeareStoleMyURL Summary:"Judge me, you gods! Wrong I mine enemies? And if not so, how should I wrong a brother?" - William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar or, James grappling with everything that happened during everyone's time at Dellecher, in a thought spiral and accusing an imaginary Oliver in his mind.

Your World (The Murderbot Diaries - Martha Wells) written and performed by bluegeekEM Summary: Murderbot grapples with the conflicts and realizations that come with the events of All Systems Red.

Chain 3

Answer Me [lyrics and audio] (Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan) written and performed by farkenshnoffingottom Summary: Nico's POV from after he leaves camp to the end of Battle of the Labyrinth, set to Oingo Boingo's "Dead Man's Party"

You’ll stay with me? (Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling) written and performed by mangotart_reads Summary: Music: “there is a light that never goes out” by The Smiths Context: (major spoiler alert) Harry has to die by Voldemort’s hands to destroy Voldemort’s horcrux inside himself. They’re in the forest while the “battle of hogwarts” is happening at the castle. But before that, he summons his dead loved ones with the resurrection stone. His mother Lily, his father James, his parents’ friend Remus and his Godfather Sirius. They’re younger and happier than Harry has ever seen them. “He was not really fetching them: they were fetching him”. Lily’s death and, therefore, act of love protected Harry so far, but now his selfless death will protect everyone else with his love.

[Pod_together Broken Telephone Filk 2024] I'm Tired (Original Work) written and performed by Mangacat Summary: Hey, villains get depressed too, you know? To the tune of "I'm Tired" by Labyrinth feat. Zendaya - from the soundtrack of "Euphoria"

Rule the World (Original Work) written and performed by Ceewelsh

Everything I Wanted [Filk] (Original Work, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog) written and performed by ssleif Summary: Filk for when you got what you wanted.

Chain 4

[filk] you ate my soul already (The Locked Tomb Series | Gideon the Ninth Series - Tamsyn Muir) written and performed by olive2read Summary: stuck in a hidden pocket of Harrow's mind, Gideon urges Harrow to unpack her shit embrace her lyctorhood

[Filk] Sacrifice (陈情令 | The Untamed (TV), 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù) written by irrationalpie, performed by irrationalpie Summary: What do I do with this poisonous gift? Finally knowing the cause of our rift You've got my head spinning, no winning, how did I miss this? Jiang Cheng reacts to the golden core reveal.

Try (Original Work, Fandom - Fandom, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV)) written and performed by mahons_ondine Summary: Love can make you do crazy, impossible things. Like give up a life of crime. Or come back from the dead. A loosely Wei Wuxian coded song about getting what you didn't know you wanted.

[Filk] Meant to be Yours (Our Flag Means Death (TV)) written and performed by horchatapods

[Filk] On the Rise (Our Flag Means Death (TV)) written and performed by nonplussed Summary: Post-canon, Ed is haunted by Izzy's ghost (or perhaps just a dark figment of his imagination)

The Inn of Three (Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling) written and performed by SerenaEW Summary: My Filk Broken Telephone submission for pod-together 2024, based on Schubert's Das Wirtshaus from his Winterreise.

[urlyngendary]

TLDR: The Dark Future

The Dark Future was a lorebook introduced in the Beyond Light expansion. It covers some of the anguise The Exo Stranger faced in the future she has returned from, the one we need to prevent. Here is the shortened version of the pages, so you can know what we were fighting to prevent in Beyond Light!

• Somewhere along the way, Humanity lost, an event called The Bombardment happened (assumedly House Salvation hit us using the warsat network) and Savathûn as well as the forces of Darkness are at large. The Traveler left us, we were left in ruins.

• Elsie Bray, also known as the Exo Stranger, is found by her sister Ana Bray, who is now lightless. Ana wants Elsie to teach her Stasis, Elsie doesn't want to in order to keep her safe. Ana says that with Stasis and what remains of Rasputin, they can beat Savathûn, and Elsie reluctantly agrees.

• They go to the Deep Stone Crypt, still intact, albeit sieged by House Salvation, to make an Exo Frame for Rasputin. Ana sympathizes with Clovis Bray for a moment, and they find the corpse of The Drifter¹ in the production room. After conversing about what Clovis has done, the exo frame emerges and Rasputin is reborn.

• Elsie and Ana return to a demolished Last City, and they argue about their past as a family. Zavala finds them and holds them at gunpoint, he is lightless, deteriorating, and missing a leg. Ana asks Zavala if Ikora is here, and Zavala responds by telling them that she's been buried underneath the Tower. Zavala is hopeless, it's heartbreaking, he says that whatever Ana has planned it will get her killed, and whatever she's looking for at the City isn't here. It is revealed that in this timeline, Elsie never helped us destroy the Black Heart³, and it corrupted Guardians. Zavala is impressed that they have Rasputin, but he reveals a large twist, that Savathûn, The Witch Queen, is pawn to another, that being Eris Morn.

• Rasputin finds the blueprints for Ghaul's Traveler cage in the Almighty's computers, and Zavala finally agrees to assist. Rasputin can track the Traveler, but they need numbers in order to build the Traveler's snare to bring it back, and Zavala points to one Mara Sov.

• On their space-voyage to find Mara Sov, Ana asks for Stasis again, and Elsie once again turns her down. Zavala overhears that Elsie is using Stasis and asks her to consider that it is not for the better to control a power alone, and she should consider what her sister asks of her. They finally make it to Mara Sov's new headquarters, aboard the Leviathan.

• Mara has Eliksni² and Cabal working alongside her Awoken, and Ana asks about the Vex. Mara answers, she says that Eris holds them under her control, they are trapped within time itself until summoned. Zavala and Mara has a conversation about how they do not trust Ana, and they soon capture the Traveler.

• Elsie asks Zavala about the conversation he had with Mara, Zavala confirms that she doesn't trust Ana, and her previous conversation with Elsie about her was to test her.

• They make landing on the moon and fight off Hive and Dark Guardian alike, and Zavala begins to siphon Light from the traveller as Ghaul did during the Red War. He advanced to the Scarlett Keep to kill Savathûn. Eris summons her Techeun turncoats that are defeated by the Warmind, but there's been a liar. Eris thanks Ana for bringing all of her enemies to one place, and with that, Ana stabs the Awoken Queen in the chest. Elsie fights Ana, and ends up killing her, but Eris has won, and the Traveller as a last resort encases all in it's light.

• When the Light fades, Elsie is back in time, she is in The Tower on the day that Cayde-6 is appointed Hunter Vanguard all those years ago. She laments about this scene, she's tired of seeing it over and over again, this clearly isn't the first time the Light has lost. Elsie believes she is being tormented, but makes a vow to save her sister.

¹ It is assumed that the Drifter did something big in this timeline. In ours Drifter and Ana don't have much of a connection, but Ana goes as far to say that Drifter got what he deserved. We cannot trust Ana as she is corrupted, so we do not know if the Drifter acted for good or for evil.

² For those who don't know, the true name of the Fallen is the Eliksni. The term "Fallen" is somewhat of an attack, saying that they have "fallen" from grace because of the Whirlwind.

³ We now know that the Black Heart was created as a replica of the Veil with Lightfall, this fact could imply something chilling about the Veil.

[luckycheesefoodie321]

UNFILTERED REACTIONS TO PJO SHOW EPISODE 8: yes, spoilers. No, coherence.

LUKE SAYING THE LINES???? LUKE SAYING THE LINE!!!!

Ok but it’s so important we see Luke teaching Percy swordsmanship bc having the best swordsman in camp teach him is so important to his development as a warrior.

Also what a stellar move bringing Luke purposefully for the final ep and making him the first words. All those Luke stans are either in euphoria or they’re hella suspicious

Ok but that was some solid fight choreography and Percy sweeping Ares out with a mf tidal wave was fun. Get wrecked by a twelvie Ares!!!

Oooh true form Ares!

And at least he’s true to his word.

“Please” why was that so sweet??

“We know who Ares and Clarisse are working for” STILL. EVEN NOW. HE STILL DOESNT ONOW.

AHHHH ANNABETH GIVING PERCY HER NECKLACE AND GROVER ACTING THE THIRD WHEEL

“Couldnt this be an email?”

“Where’s the glory in that?”

Hmm Olympus needs to be more gold but then we’re heading into Asgard territory??

LUKEEEE. Letting Percy conclude demigods are pawns for the gods to break rules and also showing his own thinking that he is scary but he’s fed up with being small.

Was so busy looking for Poseidon’s fishing chair that I straight up didn’t see Zeus

Lance Reddick!!!

Idk if it’s Lance Reddick’s natural timbre or special effects but there’s a rumble under his voice

DAMN PERCY BOUTTA DISH DIRT ON ZEUS BEING A SHIT DAD AND PATRIARCH. TELL IT LIKE IT IS PERCY

POSEIDON

Lmao Zeus was boutta smite his ass

Jovial beach dad energy isn’t quite there but we make do. This is pathetic Poseidon protecting his son

“We’ll declare my swift and crushing victory” YOU PETTY ASS JOCK OLDER BROTHER and the way Poseidon sighed like an annoyed little brother

This conversation is everything to me. And they’re both doing so well.

I’m half a mind that oh yes the show Poseidon is absolutely choked up by emotion at how much he dreams about Sally and the other half is “well I do dream about her but not the dreams I should share with my twelve year old son”

And then dude didn’t answer

Oof not a soft landing Poseidon

NOT THE SILHOUETTE OF PERCY AND THALIA’S TREE

ARE THOSE THE STOLL BROTHERS?!?? LOOK AT THEIR LIL FACES!!!

LUKEEEE

Oh god it’s gonna happen but there’s a whole half an episode left????

HOW YOU FEELING LUKE DEFENDERS???

Lowkey given how much they emphasised it, dude has a point. But againnn Percy showing himself and how he’s a foil to Luke (SEE THAT LUKE SAID THE LINES AT THE START) he can see the good in the gods even if they suck as a whole

Also Backbiter!!

BUT ALSO THE DEVASTATION ON LUKE’S FACE WHEN ANNABETH CAUGHT HIM AND HIM SWITCHING BETWEEN PERCY AND ANNABETH AND KNOWING HE’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO CONVINCE HER TO JOIN HIM AT THIS TIME

Putting that emphasis on their relationship so the final prophecy hits that much harder

And Oercy apologising in a life or death battle (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)

OH NO POISON SCORPION (as in there is none)

MR D YOU CANT GASLIGHT HIM INTO DOUBTING HIS REAL NAME XD

I was so caught up in how cool Annabeth’s hair looks that I missed the Seaweed Brain

Grover I’m so proud of you!!!

I won’t lie. That whole moment with the golden trio gave me the same energy the end of the first Harry Potter movie used to give me with the “I’m not going home. Not really” with the swelling music and the huggg

BUT ALSO GROVER YOU AINT GONNA BE THERE

IM SORRY WTF WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME

I FORGET IF THEY EVER MENTIONED THEY WOULDNT DO GABE BEING TURNED TO STONE BUT WHERE IS GABE TURNED TO STONE

OH THERE IT IS. I know Sally has done a lot of other cool things but I am disappointed she can never add abuser murderer to the list.

[hey-hamlet]

I have an idea :D

What do you think would happen if you mix Puppydog Tails AU with A Pawns Game AU? I personally can think of 2 scenarios, the easy way and the hard way:

Easy way: Nezu doesn't realize that the person who manage to discover them and whose confronting him online is Izuku, and is at a cross fr he can't discover who that person is, and that both infuriates him and excites him. Someone who he can't discover their identity? That's something new and a breath of fresh air for him, if only they weren't working against him.

Hard way: Nezu is aware of Izuku's identity, and let's Bakugo stay in the heroes course as another chip to dangle over his head, saying "I know who you are and still let you come close to me, I can do whatever I want with the only person you're close with so tread carefully", forcing him to be stressed 24/7 and even more anxious than normal, which isn't helpful to Katsuki, who sees his best friend and therapy animal acting like that and is twitchy and watching his surroundings all the time, making it harder to him to get anything done well in class and concerning all the teachers around, and he can't even bring it up to them in fears of them separating him from Izuku due to that.

Oooh Pawns Game and Puppydog tails is an evil mix - before I read your ask I'll tell you that my first idea for the AU mix is probably Izuku also being an experiment form the same lab Nezu was from, but a human to an 'animal' rather than an animal to a 'human'. Nezu destroys the lab with him and the scientists in it and he only lives because he changes into a mouse and was lucky enough to be able to crawl out. He gets back to Bakugo, his mother is dead and Nezu will kill him if he finds him because Izuku has evidence of more crimes of his than just murder.

Ok! Now to read your ideas! I love both your easy mode and your hard mode, but I think easy is likely what happened - Nezu is very intelligent but hes also pretty up himself, no way he expects there is another 'animal' that can rival him in intelligence - he didn't even think there were any people like that!

[asa--holland]

A S A H O L L A N D

— basics

name: Asa Holland age / d.o.b.: 47, October 24, 1977 gender, pronouns & sexuality: Cis man, he/him, gay  hometown: Swords, Ireland  occupation: illustrator & Librarian education: none relationship status: Single children: None positive traits: (5) Creative, Resourceful, Kind, Thoughtful, Witty negative traits: (5) Vengeful, Awkward, Forgetful, Negative, Withdrawn

Full Bio is under the cut - please be aware of trigger warnings before proceeding.

— biography

tw // homophobia, medical malpractice, mental institutions, murder

Asa grew up in a small family home in a town on the outskirts of Dublin. Both parents were devoutly Catholic and the whole family walked to church multiple times a week. He worked summers helping clean up the little church-house in the valley and his father often pawned him off to ‘learn a hard day’s work’ at various places in town. Despite his father having plenty of money and working at a bank in the city, Asa was often treated like he had to provide for his family as well. He wanted to spend time with his siblings but it often fell on him to get a job first, to get his license, to get into college. There was immense pressure from his family at all times to be the model son.

He had always been introverted but starting in high school, he started to rebel, getting angry at his parents and lashing out at them. His father had just started a very high-profile job in the government and his 13 year old son was the least of his issues. Eventually, Asa was sent away to a home for ‘troubled teens’ and was essentially beaten into submission by orderlies and people who did not care about his wellbeing or his mental stability. He was treated like a problem, like an inmate in a prison at the age of 14 and was kept there for years due to his father’s negligence and lies. Saying after Asa came back for a short time once that he was still ‘acting up’. That they had failed and he would expose them if they didn’t forge documents to send Asa off to a mental institution.

Through it all, Asa was manipulated into thinking he was the problem. That he had done so much wrong that he was being punished, and would continue to be for the rest of his life- tormented by the Devil. Because of his father’s lies, he was in and out of a few psychiatric facilities, given experimental (and illegal) medical treatments, and treated as insane. His father was a constant terrifying presence in his life, always finding a new place to send him off to in Ireland, Wales, and London.

Asa changed the course of his fate when one day his father pushed him too far- after another heated argument and further tries at manipulating him to go back to an in-patient facility, Asa murdered his father. He was lucky- his dad never spoke about his son to others due to his immense disappointment, so Asa fleeing to the U.S. was done as covertly as possible.

After moving to the US, he created a large court case to take down the corrupt mental hospital he'd been in back in London - St. Irene's. With meticulous organization and gathering evidence, Asa was able to get the place shut down and several of the doctors sent away to prison - and he in turn won a huge settlement. He did art- something he’d loved to do throughout his time in and out of facilities, and in the past few years he's created some children's books that have done well on the market, the second one even hitting the NYT Bestsellers list. He’s a bit withdrawn and quiet, awkward with making friends.

Without money being a huge object, Asa moved off to Ohio. He wanted to avoid prying eyes and suspicion about his crimes, and live out the rest of his life in peace. He started as a volunteer to put books away, seeming like some lost soul who had happened upon Helltown. Soon he was hired as an actual librarian, his meticulous organization an asset even if he's sometimes a little offputting.

— wanted connections / plots

-One night stands, ex-lovers, hook-ups, flings -Unlikely friends that contrast his shy demeanor -Drinking buddies -Folks who know about his father’s mysterious death -Someone who watches his 5 cats when he’s away -Fans of his illustration work  -Unlikely rivals turned friends (turned… lovers??) -Extended family on his mother’s side

[wily-one24]

It was intresting to read your opinions about ouat, soo can u maybe do Regina Mills also? 🫶🏻 (+ I gotta say that I agree what you said about hook)

I am glad you asked, Nonny, because I felt sliughtly guilty. I answered the "choose between Emma and Regina" ask and chose Emma, BEFORE I answered the "choose from these three SVU" characters and in that one I did all three.

I was like "Man, I should have done Regina as well". So, Nonny,. great minds think alike. :D

REGINA MILLS:

Before we start, I had to use this gif, because for over a decade it was my AO3 profile pic "Bitch Fucked With My Apples", until I changed it to Sheryl Crow to match my tumblr pic.

Onto the questions!

--> How I feel about this character:

I do so love Regina. Not as much as Emma, and I am not attracted to Regina the way I am Emma, but I love her just the same.

Her entire story is one of tragedy. All she wanted was to be good, to be left alone with her horse and her stable boy and maybe an apple tree.

And she was used and abused by everyone around her for their own nefarious purposes. Her mother abused her from childhood and then sold her as a young teenager to an uncaring king. Who, let's be real Disney, was not just "looking for a mother for Snow". He wanted a young wife to bed. And she was NOT WILLING.

Rumple came along and twisted her helplessness into vengeance.

And the world called her Evil.

And even then, exactly how evil was she. Okay, sure, if you're Snow White (or one of her friends), she was pretty lethal, and she did slaughter an entire village for hiding Snow. But apart from Snow, she was pretty non chalant. She wanted to be loved as a ruler.

Yes, she did EVIL things, but she was a pawn and she didn't choose that title, nor that life.

The curse? The big Curse to End All Curses?

She bought them to Maine and gave them safety, steady jobs, no inflation at all 80s prices forever more, running water, electricity, medicine, instant college educations.

And all those ungrateful bitches wanted to do was return to shitting in the forest and hunting their dinner amidst dying of dystentery and a random arrow.

Like, come on. If you really want to be evil, don't make Snow a goddamn grade school teacher who builds bird houses. OH LOOK,, there's Mary Margaret the garbage collector. Mary Margaret, the local stripper. The homeless drug addict. Locked up in a nuthouse. A maid. Anything, but a sweet, comfortable, happy, well fed teacher who still smiles and sings.

I said it in the other post, I'll say it here. Emma internalised her pain and sabotaged herself. Regina externalised it and hurt those around her. But it all stems from that lost, lonely little girl that was abused and had all her hopes dashed, that was never loved the way they deserved.

I do love Regina and that is all (Ha!) I am saying until further down.

--> All the people I ship romantically with this character:

(I love how this is worded: 1. "romantically", like... definitely not just "fuck nasty" buddies, but romance. 2. "People" with a "Character", ... can I name just any random person? Like, let's get Regina Mills together with Susan Sarandon. Let's go!)

Ahem.

Emma Swan, obviously. You can't really ask for more. They were perfect for each other. There are so many parallels in their stories, and they helped each other grow. They cared sincerely for each other. This is a no brainer.

But also... let's not rule out all the other ladies, Snow, Ruby, Belle. Maybe a little Jefferson. Daniel (for the hopeless teen romantic Regina). David for a little bit.

Imaginary Regina is quite the machine.

--> My non-romantic OTP for this character:

Is Henry too obvious? Come on.

Snow eventually. Zelena eventually, Kathryn to begin with (you know, before she had her kidnapped and killed and then unkilled, that kinda takes the bloom off the rose a little).

--> My unpopular opinion of this character:

The Lana stans ruined Regina for me*. I can't enjoy her as much as I would like, because... they're very rabid and they oversaturated the internet and a lot of them became Swan Queen fans, but a very specific sort of Swan Queen fan wherein it was obvious they were just there for Regina and they really hated Emma in an ugly way.

I think Lana is really great, everything I have heard about her is good. That said, i just can't... I can't really enjoy anything in terms of Lana because of her fans. So, I just steer well away.

These people and their zealotry ruined the actress and the character and that's tragic all in its own.

(*I am speaking of a very certain sort of fan, I am sure a lot of Lana fans are great, but we all know who I am speaking of).

Fandom overall became very Regina Centric or Hook Centric, to the exclusion of all else. This bled heavily into the viciousness of Swan Queen Vs Captain Swan... but I stayed out of it and just wrote my little fics and read others.

-->One thing I wish would happen/had happened for this character:

I'm not sure I can answer this question, because I still to this day have not finished watches S7 all the way through. I have watched MAYBE three episodes and then have to stop, I just... cannot get into it. So I don't really *know* what happened to her.

I know she got a very short haircut, wore singlet shirts, and ran a bar. That's what I know. So... I mean, maybe that made her happy? Chase your dreams, I guess.

Obviously "I wish Swan Queen became canon".

Oooh, I know. I wish she had gotten some justice, especially against Rumple.

(but, oh no, Rumple was a MAN and had to have a giant redemption arc and become woobified)

My old AO3 pp for reference:

[lauvra]

I have a journal document specifically to complain and write my worst thoughts and feelings in childish angsty language and I have copied the first few lines from most of them here because why shouldn't we all suffer? Even sharing a single line from these massive lengthy sook sessions are way too revealing of how SHIT THINGS HAVE BEEN FOR SO LONG NOW. We endure. 7/05/2022 Saturday. My chest hurts, my first feeling every day when I wake up is fear...

20-05-2022 All I want is cosmetic surgery to fix my appearance...

21-05-2022 ... which leaves me with $5 to my name until Thursday. That’s five days, no money. I want to work myself up to going to a pawn shop today...

18/06/2022 11:39AM. ...typical for me to smoke three on the way to work, a quick forth in the back dock, one on my tea, two on my meal, another one on my second tea and then three again on the walk home. Those don’t even mention the many had at home while preparing for work and the many many had once I reach home... ...began as a rebellious expression of freedom... ...has become a full blown addiction that runs my life...

12/07/2022 ...I don’t even want to talk to Ben anymore because he’s so much better than I am or ever will be and...

26/07/22 The way my mood fluctuates so much in a day breeds a sort of magnificent denial which helps me in the short term. Just now my intention was to document how well I’ve been doing, to note my lack of suffering... forgetting entirely that I’ve been consistently late for work, neglected my finances and rarely eat during the day. Forgot about how hard it was to leave the house yesterday because I felt hideous enough the whole community would notice if I did... 25-08-22 Mostly I think about him and money... 7/09/2022 When I’m in the shower I write the best journal entries then I sit down to relay it but it’s garbage... 9/09/2022 It’s Friday, 12:30pm. I texted into work sick again, they were cool about it... 14/09/22 ...I haven’t occupied a moment in his mind and it would be easy to fall into a shame spiral about how much space he has taken in mine… ...I’m in bed and tired but wanted to make sure I vented even badly so that I could wake up with a little more of myself chiselled out. I want simple things, I want grand things. I want to write every single day until something good comes out. I want to paint every day until something good comes out. I don’t want to need some adversarial motivation to take risks or succeed but maybe there will always be a little piece of me that wants to say ‘oh yeah?'...

22/09/22 There’s this tangible feeling out there today of togetherness, the people in the streets reach out to one another. There’s potential...

29/09/2022 I thought I was going to work today. I had planned to, or no plan not to. But I slept in, then slept instead. The longer I did the worse I felt. Heavy. An unmovable object in my bed. Penny pecked and licked her sandpaper tongue over my cheek, nipped then scratched and dug in deep and still I laid...

1/10/2022 ... Why does painting feel so empty? Why does the music feel so empty? Why does writing feel so empty? 16/10/22 I had my first session with the psychologist yesterday... 8/11/22 I know I’m not ‘too far gone’, but I worry... 24/11/2022 The past makes me feel pretty stupid, but more than that, addressing the fact I spent two years of my life getting over one relationship is seriously disturbing to me... 29/11/2022 D messaged me yesterday saying that I treat him like dog shit, that he’s done and doesn’t want to be friends anymore. It honestly felt like a relief... 1/12/22 I’m not sure I’ll ever feel comfortable journaling hand-written into books again... 24/02/2023 I still don’t feel comfortable journaling traditionally... 28/03/2023 6:58PM My work contract is now to start at 10am and finish at 6pm... 8/09/2023 My chest hurts...

16/09/2023 ...I need to change because I can’t think or write or translate what’s in my head, and that’s what’s important to me... 21/09/2023 I decided to move back home to the sunshine coast today. I’ve had complete decision paralysis for a long time, the longest time... 25/09/2023 Nevermind, lol. God it’s humiliating to be a person. Forget everything I said about moving ‘home’; there’s no home...

22/02/2024 If I died today, then I died speaking only my native language...

5/03/2024 I’ve written or brain-dumped in some form every single day since 2021...

10/04/2024 “Money always removes the charge of insanity.” ...

[akuaya-eng]

(Main story) Chapter 3 - Episode 5

- FORBIDDEN SECRET -

Oscar

Take this! (slashes beast and purifies)

Soldier

Oscar, the curses are overflowing…! Whoa!?

Oscar

I got it! Haa! (slashes and purifies)

Soldier

Thank you for your help…

Oscar

Don’t push yourselves too hard. Just provide support. I’m the only one who can deal with these curses.

Soldier

Yes, sir!

Oscar

Damn, Claude…! Leaving the entire purification mission to me.

Devil beast

Grrrr…

Oscar

One after another…! Take this! (after the fight) Sigh… I don't think this is just about being harsh to people, it's something else.

----------

Oscar

What the…?

Claude

Let me say it again. Starting tomorrow, I’m entrusting you with the purification mission. Keep the accompanying personnel to a minimum.

Oscar

You want me to purify all the curses in the Empire by myself? What about Eric?

Claude

He won’t be using his purification power anymore. Besides me, you’re the only one who can purify.

Oscar

… Even if I ask why, you won’t answer, will you?

Claude

I’m not obligated to answer. I just give orders as your superior.

Oscar

Got it… I’ll follow your orders if it’s necessary.

Claude

… Okay. Thank you.

----------

Oscar

(thinking) I can imagine why you’re stopping Eric’s purification… If he keeps purifying the curse markings, he’ll continue to hear the voices of the dead. Even Claude can’t silence the dead.

… So I’m the only one he can rely on. A pawn that knows too much already.

Soldier

Oscar, there are curses behind you…!

Oscar

Oops, got lost in thought. Let’s purify this quickly…! (purifies) Alright, now that's cleared up.

Soldier

Well done, Oscar.

Oscar

Thanks. I’ll clean up the rest. Please stand back and rejoin the rest of your unit.

Soldier

Yes, sir!

Oscar

… Now, the remaining curses are--

Soldier

………

Oscar

…!? Damn, there’s still a ghost here.

??? (Espada)

Huh! (slashes and purifies)

Oscar

… You!

Espada

That's not like you. I thought you were a extraordinary when it came to fighting.

Oscar

I was just lost in thought. Just in case, thank you. So, what brings you here? You didn’t just happen to be passing by, did you?

Espada

I just happened to be passing by.

Oscar

Yeah, right. But I can’t let a devil wander around the Empire, even if we know each other. You get that, right?

Espada

How bold of you, after being rescued. I won’t be captured by mere humans.

Oscar

Well, you won’t know until you try, right?

Espada

… Are you serious? I guess you're ready to die. I won’t spare anyone who interferes with Lord Dia’s orders.

Oscar

Heh. So, you’re here on the prince’s orders. I definitely can’t ignore that.

Soldier

O-Oscar! There are curses all around!

Oscar

… What? Damn, it spread while we were talking. Hey, Espada! The fight is on hold. Let’s purify this first. You don’t want to become a ghost, right?

Espada

… Fine. Don’t slow me down.

Oscar

Right back at you! Haaah!! (purifies)

Espada

You’re noisy. Can’t you purify more quietly…? Hah!! (purifies)

Oscar

Sorry, but I didn’t learn the refined fighting style of knights! Espada, duck!

Espada

!!

Oscar

Take this! (slashes and purifies)

Espada

… Oh, there was a ghost behind me.

Oscar

Now we’re even for earlier.

Espada

I could have handled that without your help.

Oscar

Fair enough. But it’s not over yet!

Espada

I know! Hah! (purifies)

Curse's voice

…Ahhhh! I hate him…! Because of him…! I… I… I…

Oscar

Damn, another depressing curse voice.

Curse's voice

Because of him…! That cursed devil…!

Oscar

…! This…

Espada

What did this curse say? "Cursed devil"…?

Curse's voice

I curse you, I curse you, I curse you…! Claude…!

Oscar

(purifies) … Oh boy.

Espada

………

Soldier

Um… Oscar. Did that curse just say Captain Claude’s name…?

Oscar

! You…! I told you to stand back.

Soldier

Sorry! B-but the curse clearly mentioned Captain Claude’s name…!?

Oscar

… Yeah. The curse markings around here are from the ‘Red Moon Calamity.’ Claude was in charge of the rescue operation back then. This curse is probably from a soldier who fought in that operation. An revenge from someone who died and couldn't escape.

Soldier

Is that really it…? But, it clearly said "devil"…

Oscar

Yeah… You heard that much… Damn, this job sucks.

Soldier

What do you mean by that-- (receives a punch) Guh…!?

Oscar

Get some sleep. Sorry…

Tuner

…!? Oscar…? What was that just now…

Oscar

… Damn it. (runs away)

Tuner

Oscar!? Why--

Espada

Leave it. You won’t catch him. Why are you here?

Tuner

I thought Claude and Oscar were hiding something, so I came to investigate…

Espada

Then you’ve discovered quite the secret. Did you hear what was just said?

Tuner

Something about "cursed devil"…

Espada

That’s right. Apparently, Claude is a "cursed devil"… It’s a terrifying curse for humans. Those who bear it have the potential to transform into devils under certain conditions.

Tuner

Claude might turn into a devil…!?

Espada

It’s not immediate. But neither he nor anyone else knows what might trigger it. If people found out someone like that is at the heart of the Empire… it would be a huge scandal. Oscar must have taken the soldier away to silence him.

Tuner

No… Oscar…

Espada

You must keep what you’ve learned to yourself. Otherwise, Claude might silence you too.

Tuner

… Understood.

Espada

Let’s head to the capital. I have business there… But first, let’s deal with these curses. Oscar left them all to us.

Tuner

Right. Let’s purify them together…!

[vodika-vibes]

Midday Blooms - Lilacs and Daffodils

Years after the Sith took control of Coruscant, the Coruscanti Citizens live on a series of Space Stations surrounding the planet, waiting for the day when they're allowed to return home. When it's safe to return home. The Clones, elite soldiers born of the DNA of Lord Jango Fett, make up the large majority of the fighting force, though not the entirety. And after it comes out that Lord Fett had elected to side with Count Dooku, a fallen Jedi Master, and that both men were pawns of none other than Supreme Chancellor Sheev Palpatine, the men are freed from the chips, and any compulsions that would have them turn on the jedi, and the civilians they protect so ably. But even now the war rages on. The soldiers, and their Jedi Generals, rotate three month deployments to Coruscant, in the hopes that one day, they will be able to live on the planet that glitters over their heads. This is very tangentially a war story. Because I cannot write action. But I will do my best. Tagging: @starrrgazingbunny Ships: Marshal Commander Neyo x OC, Marshal Commander Bacara x OC

Nebula Space Station

Bell Manor - 10:00 am

“It’s only a matter of time,” Doctor Dee Bell said excitedly to his daughter as he waved his morning toast around over his head. He either didn’t notice, or didn’t care, that some of the jam had fallen off the bread and landed on his white jacket. “You’ll see, Talia! Someday soon, we’ll be able to resettle Coruscant.”

Talia shook her head in amusement, “Father, you’ve been saying that for years, and the soldiers are no closer to retaking Coruscant from the Sith today then they were when I was six,”

“Bah! That’s only because Lord Fett decided to throw his weight behind Dooku.”

“We’re fortunate that the Jedi figured out his plan before Palpatine enacted it,” Talia pointed out as she took a sip of her tea, and then made a face. Cold, yuck. “Though it’s a shame that Knight Skywalker decided to throw his weight behind Palpatine.”

“He’s an idiot. And he’s on the losing side.” Her father countered, “Why, even Senator Amidala has been denouncing his actions since the day he defected, and she’s the mother to his children.”

He trailed off as he finally remembered that he was in the middle of eating, and he took a bite of his, now plain, toast. And then he paused and squinted at Talia, “Don’t you have a Salon you’re supposed to go to today?”

“...No.” Talia lied, badly. Damn it, she was hoping he had forgotten about the Cunningham Salon. 

“Talia,”

Aw, man. The Disappointed Dad voice. 

“You cannot skip Betty’s Salon, she’s always so happy when you go and visit.”

“Yeah, but she’s awful.”

“She’s lonely.”

“She insults Ophelia constantly.”

“Maybe Ophelia deserves it.”

“Dad!”

“What? I know she’s your friend, but she is a bit of a wild child!”

“She’s calmed down a lot since we were in Finishing School, dad. You know she’s working at her father’s company now, right?”

“Is she really?” Her father looks surprised, “Huh, well. Even so, you should go get dressed for the party. You should wear the purple dress your grandmother bought you.”

“I look awful in purple.” Talia whined, acting much younger than her 22 years.

“Nonsense, you love purple. It’s your favorite color! And you look beautiful in it!”

“That’s worse! Betty will just accuse me of showing her up at her own Salon.”

“Nonsense. Now go and get dressed.”

Talia rolled her eyes, but allowed her father to propel her out of her seat and to the stairs. She supposed there was no way out of it now. Stupid dad actually remembering shit at inconvenient moments.

Still, it wouldn’t take her longer than, maybe, half an hour to get herself dressed and her hair and make-up done. Maybe she would go all out and put fresh flowers in her hair, rather than pulling it up into a fancy updo.

She would have to send Ophelia a message. Her best friend always was good at coming up with ways to make Betty look like the hag she was.

*********

Marshal Commander Neyo was not happy.

In his defense, he was rarely happy. Being a Marshal Commander often came with more responsibilities than rights, and he had spent the last three months on rotation on the front lines.

He was exhausted.

Down to his bones.

All he wanted to do was retire to the apartment the Government gave him, and sleep for the next 9 months, until his next rotation to Coruscant started.

But no.

He couldn’t.

Because Fucking Faie agreed to a fucking Salon.

He didn’t even know what a Salon was. A party of some kind, based on the fact that he was required to wear his dress uniform.

He scowled at the pure white uniform. It was perfect, of course, and covered in medals and awards that meant jack-shit in any real world scenario. He hated it. He was much more comfortable in his armor. Hell, even his blacks would be preferable to wearing that get-up.

“Don’t be such a grouch,” Faie said with a roll of his eyes. He was already wearing his dress uniform. “We’re going to be rubbing shoulders with high class ladies.”

Neyo considered shoving him out the window. He would probably get another medal of service for it.

“Lovely,” Bacara said in monotone, “Just how I wanted to spend my first day decompressing from battles. Schmoozing with the rich and lazy.”

“It’ll be fun.” Faie insisted.

“Your idea of fun used to be reading Reg manuals,” Neyo pointed out snidely.

Faie gasped, “He talks!”

The urge to shove him out the window got stronger. “Wow. It’s sad that you think you’re funny.” Neyo said.

Faie rolled his eyes again. Neyo hoped his eyes got stuck that way. “Look, we finally have rights. We might as well take advantage of them. Besides, Bly is coming too.”

Bacara’s fingers slipped on one of his buttons, “You managed to convince him to step away from General Secura long enough to flirt with rich ladies?”

“Of course not. General Secura ordered him to come.”

Oh. That made sense.

Wait-

“I thought Bly was about to rotate to Coruscant,” Neyo said absently, as though he was commenting on the weather.

“He was supposed to, but General Secura was injured, so her battalion and the Wolfpack switched places.” Bacara replied as he finished buttoning his jacket and made sure that his ribbons were straight, “Hurry up, Neyo. The sooner we get there, the sooner we can make our escape.”

Neyo was pretty sure that was a damned lie, but it was a nice lie, so he finally pulled his jacket on and started buttoning it. Stupid brothers. Always getting him involved in stupid shit.

Maybe there would be good food at this party, if nothing else.

******

Talia stepped out of the speeder and thanked her father’s droid with a kind smile. She had been in luck, mother’s lilac bush was still in bloom, which meant she had been able to weave the delicate purple flowers through her braid.

And they matched her dress and sandals. One point for Talia and none for Harpy Betty.

She cast her gaze around, and a bright smile crossed her face when she saw Ophelia waiting for her. She looked annoyed, though no one else would think that, as her friend had mastered the art of hiding her emotions behind a fan.

Her entire face brightened, though, when she saw Talia. Ophelia snapped her fan shut, and stepped over to her. “Tali, darling, I thought you weren’t coming!” She hugged Talia tightly.

“Sorry, there was awful traffic by the spaceport.” Talia smiled warmly, her gaze lingering on the crown of daffodils that Ophelia had perched on top of her neat, platinum blonde, hair. “You decided on yellow, then?”

Ophelia stepped back and twirled for Talia, showing off her vibrant yellow dress, “Betty told me that yellow wasn’t my color due to my hair,” She said, “So I decided to be petty.”

Talia’s smile became so achingly fond as she regarded her best friend of twenty years, “You’re always petty.” She said, warmly.

“Pssh. You were the one who suggested real flowers, rather than ribbons.” Ophelia grinned, “I already got a comment about my daffodils, from Anne, of course.”

“Oh? What did she say?”

“That it was unbecoming of me to try and show up Betty at her own Salon.” Ophelia rolled her eyes, “I could wear a trash bag, and still show her up.” She hooked her arm with Talia’s and tugged her towards the garden entrance, “It’s because she has the personality of a sewer rat.”

The pair stepped into the garden, and were immediately overwhelmed by the scent of roses. “Ew.” Talia whispered, “Roses, really? And red ones?”

Ophelia leaned in, “I heard that she’s hunting for a husband.”

“At a Salon?”

“Mm. She invited some of the men who recently returned from Coruscant.” Ophelia replied, as she cast her gaze around the garden, “Though I doubt they’re here yet.”

“Oh, Talia you made it-” Betty hurried over and stopped, her gaze locked on the flowers in Talia’s hair, and then her gaze drifted to the flowers in Ophelia’s hair, “You made it.” She finished, sounding very annoyed. 

“There was awful traffic, Betty,” Talia said sweetly, like she had no idea that Betty was annoyed with her, “I suppose it makes sense with so many men returning from Coruscant yesterday.”

Betty flushed, the unheard condemnation heard loud and clear. “Ophelia, I’m surprised at you. Did I forget to mention how washed out yellow makes you look at my last Salon?”

Ophelia smiled winsomely, her yellow fan coming out and snapping open in front of her mouth and nose, “Mother made this dress for me, Betty. Surely you don’t expect me to disrespect her?”

Ophelia’s mother was a fashion designer of some renown. Well, she designed the gowns that the ladies of the senate wore on a daily basis, so “some” renown was rather an understatement. 

“Your mother should know better than to dress you in yellow,” Betty sniffed.

“I’ll be sure to mention it.” Ophelia replied. “Come along, Talia. I see Elizabeth over by the tea, and I’m sure that Betty has other people she needs to greet.”

Talia allowed Ophelia to direct her over to the tea table, where Elizabeth most assuredly wasn’t. The third part of their little trio from Finishing School stopped coming to these events as soon as she turned 18. With her mother’s blessing, of course.

Talia and Ophelia hadn’t been so lucky, tragically.

“Have you spoken to Elizabeth recently?” Talia asked as soon as Betty was out of earshot.

“I have, she’s met a man,” Ophelia grinned wickedly, “A soldier, named Gree. Apparently he’s as sweet as sugar and dotes on her.”

“I’m glad for her,” Talia said loyally.

“I think it’s boring.” Ophelia whispered as she handed a teacup to Talia, and then took one for herself.

“Hm. Have you heard from your gentleman lately?” Talia asked, innocently.

Ophelia looked disgruntled, “He returned yesterday, but he said that he had been roped into something today, so I’m not going to see him until tomorrow at the earliest.” 

“You poor thing. How will you survive?” Talia teased.

Ophelia shot her a look, and then her shoulders slumped, “I haven’t seen him in three months, and I wasn’t even able to greet him yesterday because he has responsibilities. It’s not even fair.”

“As if your father would okay you going to meet a man, any man, on your own.” Talia points out as she snags one of the picnic tables for them to share, “You’re lucky your mother approves.”

“Mother loves him. She’s been designing my wedding dress since I was three, of course.” Ophelia said warmly, “Of course, the moment she finds out that I’m already married, all bets are off.”

Talia laughed. She opened her mouth to say something when there was a commotion from the entrance of the garden.

*******

Neyo decided immediately that he hated roses. He hated the look and the scent. And he really, really hated the woman who dressed herself to look like a rose. Who was simpering over Faie like he deserved anything more than being shoved out a window.

At least most everyone else was dressed in more pastel colors. He saw several pinks, quite a few blues and greens, and more than one pastel yellow. This woman was the only one wearing wine red.

She stood out. And not in a good way.

“Neyo, this is Miss Betty Cunningham. This is her party,” Faie said, his glare practically screaming at him to be nice.

“Nice to meet you.” Neyo replied in a flat voice, everything about his screaming I don’t want to be here.

He took it as a victory when the red woman faltered under his unimpressed stare, and she turned to focus her attention on Bacara and Bly…neither of whom were paying attention to her.

Bly was staring at his chrono, likely wondering how long he had to remain at the party to not be seen as rude when he left. Neyo was sure that General Secura told him he had to stay for at least an hour.

Bacara, though-

Huh. Bacara was staring at something across the garden.

Neyo followed his gaze, and landed on a young woman, dressed in vibrant yellow, with yellow flowers in her hair. A young woman who was well aware of Bacara’s stare, as her face was glowing red. Her companion, a young woman in pastel purple with purple flowers in her hair, looked like she was trying not to laugh.

Neyo glanced over at his brother, who was now playing with something around his neck. That something, Neyo knew, was a wedding band. Something Bacara had admitted to him late one night, after a particularly bad day on Coruscant.

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Neyo hissed, “Go talk to your wife before she implodes.”

Bacara shot him a relieved look, and slipped away from the group of men, and across the garden. Laser focused on the yellow woman, who stood and greeted him with a tight hug.

Neyo was amused to note that the red woman flushed an angry shade of red when she saw that. He decided to take a note from his brother’s book in this case, and make a tactical retreat. 

Neyo found himself near the back of the garden, by a rather large, and gaudy looking, fountain. A fountain that was covered in red roses. What was with that woman?

“It’s hideous, isn’t it?” Neyo turned and flickered his gaze slightly down to regard the young woman standing several feet behind him, she smiled at him apologetically, “The Fountain, I mean.”

She stepped up next to him, her gaze remained locked on the fountain. She smelled softer, like the purple flowers in her hair. It was nice, compared to the overpowering scent of roses. “What is her obsession with roses?” Neyo asked.

She laughed, a bubbly noise that made Neyo want to make her laugh again. “The roses are new,” She said, once her laughter calmed, “Generally you can tell what kind of mood Betty is in based on the flowers she decorates her garden with.”

“And what do red roses mean?” Neyo asked warily.

“That she’s looking for a husband,”

Fuck.

She laughs again, and Neyo’s panic fades a little. “I don’t think you need to worry,” She reassures, “I think you intimidate her.”

“Thank fuck for that.” He paused, “Do I intimidate you?”

She released a thoughtful hum, and then looked up at him with a bright smile, “I’ve never been intimidated by a man in my life.”

That was…unfairly attractive, actually, Neyo decided after a moment of thought.

“Marshal Commander Neyo, of the 91st Battalion.” 

Her smile widened, “Talia Bell. It’s very nice to meet you, Commander.”

“Neyo.”

Delight flickered across her face, “Well then, it’s nice to meet you, Neyo.”

He decided, then and there, that he liked the way his name sounded on her tongue. Plans flickered through his mind, as his entire world shifted a little bit. “So, Talia,” He liked her name. It suited her, “What kind of flowers are these?” He brushed his fingers against one of the purple blossoms in her hair.

She considered him for a moment, and then she motioned for him to duck his head. Talia pulled a single blossom bunch from her hair, and lightly tucked it behind his ear, “They’re lilac blossoms,” She said, “And now we match.”

Well then.

A slow smile crossed his face, “If we match,” Neyo said slowly, his gaze locked on her face, “Then I suppose it’s okay for me to ask if you want to leave.”

She laughed, and leaned closer to him, the scent of lilacs swirled around them. “I know how to get to the back gate open,” Talia said brightly, “And there’s a nice little restaurant not far from here that has the best sandwiches on the station. If you’re interested?”

He was definitely interested. In more than just sandwiches. “It sounds like a good start,” He says instead, “Do you mind if I ditch the jacket at my barracks though?”

She shook her head, and then offered him her hand, her eyes sparkling in the midday sun. “Come on, Neyo. Let’s go have some real fun.”

Half made plans solidified into something solid. Something real.

Neyo smiled and took her hand, “Lead the way, Sarad.”

[asa-hollandseabrooke]

A S A . H O L L A N D

FULL NAME: Asa Michael Holland HOMETOWN: Swords, Ireland DOB: October 24, 1978 AGE: 45 GENDER: Cis Man PRONOUNS: He/Him OCCUPATION: Head Librarian SEXUALITY: Gay HEIGHT: 5'7"

BIOGRAPHY

Full bio under the cut! Please read trigger warnings before proceeding!

TW // Medical malpractice, homophobia, abuse

Asa grew up in a small family home in a town on the outskirts of Dublin. Both parents were devoutly Catholic and the whole family walked to church multiple times a week. He worked summers helping clean up the little church-house in the valley and his father often pawned him off to ‘learn a hard day’s work’ at various places in town. Despite his father having plenty of money and working at a bank in the city, Asa was often treated like he had to provide for his family as well. He wanted to spend time with his siblings but it often fell on him to get a job first, get his sisters to school. There was immense pressure from his family at all times to be the model son.

He had always been introverted but starting in high school, he started to rebel, getting angry at his parents and lashing out at them. His father had just started a very high-profile job in the government and his 13 year old son was the least of his issues. Eventually, Asa was sent away to a home for ‘troubled teens’ and was essentially beaten into submission by orderlies and people who did not care about his wellbeing or his mental stability. He was treated like a problem, like an inmate in a prison at the age of 14 and was kept there for years due to his father’s negligence and lies. Saying after Asa came back for a short time once that he was still ‘acting up’. That they had failed and he would expose them if they didn't forge documents to send Asa off to a mental institution.

Through it all, Asa was manipulated into thinking he was the problem. That he had done so much wrong that he was being punished, and would continue to be for the rest of his life- tormented by the Devil. Because of his father's lies, he was in and out of a few psychiatric facilities, given experimental medical treatments, and treated as insane. His father was a constant terrifying presence in his life, always finding a new place to send him off to in Ireland, Wales, and London.

Asa changed the course of his fate when he fled to the U.S. After stealing his father's money, he began to formulate a court case to close down the corrupt most recent institute he had been stuck in - St. Irene's in London, that had given him permanent head trauma from the misuse of ECT. Using meticulous planning and organizing, Asa was able to craft a perfect court case to take down the mental institution, put the doctors in charge behind bars, and win a huge settlement of money.

All the while he worked for a sweet little old lady who ran a large library in Ashmore. He'd been taken in to organize- a quiet and sometimes (unintentionally) unsettling man who had trouble finding any sort of job, given some grace. As she prepared to retire, she let Asa take more control of the library, going from just putting books away to planning library events, running the social media, handling all computer systems, and talking to customers.

Now Asa is the Head Librarian at Ashmore. A weird little man covered in tattoos who some find a little offputting and others weirdly charming. Asa cares about his employees and cares about his job-he's an artist in his free time and has a little historical home in Old Ashmore where he takes care of 5 cats.

[thenewdeadseascrolls]

Judges 15: 16-20. "Pegasus."

"Who controls the Jawbone, controls the world." This next section explains another aspect Ha Shem, called En Hakkore, "there is no bowl."

We think of God as "the Cherub of Sinai", we call Him Adonai and He is depicted as a God of Thunder and also a God of the Sun, but as Ha Shem He is none of these things. As Ha Shem He is not to be thought of only realized as the means for thought. Bereshit, the Talmud and the Upanishads all say God flicked a membrane between darkness and Light with a thought and the reverberations created all that can think and be thought of.

This next section of the Shoftim explains how far reaching these reverberating thoughts can be if they are poured out of the Sea of Ha Shem into the Jawbone, which the text says sits atop not a bowl but a soul. The Torah calls the water in the Sea Moses, "the Water of Freedom."

Moses is not for everyone. Only persons who yearn for the end of the Black Pillar "the ways people sin" and gather at the Gate of Egypt and Report the Shema can be as a vessel for the Water.

Sinai is not available to people that cannot imbide Moses, "to get drawn out, carried away, lifted up", specifically to have the urge to be sentient extracted out of a man who otherwise becomes a pawn in the struggle for survival on this world. One that needn't be nearly so competitive on a planet populated by people who are willing to be intelligent.

The water running over the jawbone then is synonymous with social pressure not to quote scripture like an idiot nor to use religion as a razer, but to become comfortable with the fact it says all men must free.

Samson, "The Bringer of Light" takes no prisoners in his proclamation made at Ramath Lehi "cheek cheater" with the donkey's jawbone and insists everyone has to get along. This is considered "cheating" because almost everyone on this planet wants the right to beat on other people for some reason. Tell them no, and they act like they are being cheated. This is ridiculous.

16 Then Samson said,

“With a donkey’s jawbone     I have made donkeys of them.[a] With a donkey’s jawbone     I have killed a thousand men.”

17 When he finished speaking, he threw away the jawbone; and the place was called Ramath Lehi.[b]

18 Because he was very thirsty, he cried out to the Lord, “You have given your servant this great victory. Must I now die of thirst and fall into the hands of the uncircumcised?”

19 Then God opened up the hollow place in Lehi, and water came out of it. When Samson drank, his strength returned and he revived. So the spring was called En Hakkore,[c] and it is still there in Lehi.

20 Samson led[d] Israel for twenty years in the days of the Philistines.

The tract says Samson was thirsty, which is equated with lovesickness. Even though he was victorious, not much changed. Man can be made to behave but not to be loving.

Love is volunteered, it is not enforced. Religion teaches us how to volunteer to be nice and good, the law expects us to but it is a failure if the culture endorses violence and oppression. So Samson led Israel during a time of incredible tension and humanity learned nothing because humanity never learned to pay homage to the Bringer of the Light, called Samson Ha Shem.

This means mankind has to impress upon itself both how to be free, not incidentally, but on purpose. This is done through the water on the jawbone, and also to be as proficient in the mechanical operations of civilization as well, without any tolerance for dissent or complaining about either one.

The Values in Gematria are:

v. 16: He killed a thousand men. Why do a thousand men have to die? If they are assholes, they have to die. Of this there is no question.

The Value in Gematria is 9910, טטאאֶפֶס, tatapes, "reset."

=

Anyone who raises their hand against Israel must perish.

v. 17: He finished speaking. The Value in Gematria is 7031, זאֶפֶסגא‎‎‎, zapesga, "then go to pisgah", "to the summit of the water that binds it all together and makes it man's property."

The noun πηγη (pege) primarily describes flowing water (or "living" water in the Hebrew vernacular), as opposed to pools of stagnant water, and hence was indicative of springs, streams, wells, fountains; all that.

It appears to have started out as a generic term — Homer used this word always in plural; the streams; Hebrew too consistently speaks of מים (mayim), the waters — and later came to denote anything that flows (tears, milk, blood, light; which is actually rather striking, see our article on נהר, nahar), as well as the proverbial source or origin of anything. As the 6th century BC philosopher Heraclitus famously observed: everything flows (παντα ρει, panta rei).

The origin of our noun is a mystery, although it comes with several related terms, most notably the verb πηγαζω (pegazo), to gush forth, which clearly compares to the Hebrew verb גיח (giah), to burst forth, hence the name Gihon.

From the Greek verb comes the name Pegasus, meaning gusher-forth, although this name probably commemorated the πηγη (pege), spring, where Oceanus (the primordial world-river) had been born (Pegasus' father was Poseidon).

The mystery of our word's missing pedigree is to some extend solved by its obvious proximity to the Proto-Indo-European root "pehg-", which has to do with all things hard, attached and secure — hence the Latin pax, peace, and palus, stake (a small one was called a paxilus), and thus our English words fast, fang, pact, page, propagate, peace and pole.

But the mystery persists in the question why a root that means to be hard and secure yields a word that means flowing water.

The answer comes with the observation of the ancients that a living world depends not on the mere presence of water, but rather its flow: Genesis 2:6-7 declares the making of man contingent on the hydrological cycle (see for more on the hydrologic cycle our article on νεφελη, nephele, cloud), and all throughout Scriptures, rivers continue to represent entire civilizations (see our article on the name Tigris for more on this).

All this adds up to a cardinal truth of economic theory: before anything can flow, borders must be established. Before commerce can commence, property rights must be secured.

Before wisdom can be exchanged, languages must be formed. Consequently, wealth comes not from the presence of value but from liquidity and liquidity from borders: not from a stash of looted gold but from trade between willing partners (see our article on Abraham), not from a head full of horded knowledge but from conversations with peers.

The related noun πηγανον (peganon) describes a kind of herb (a rue called Ruta graveolens), which was planted on the edge of gardens to serve as borders.

That means that a ring of Ruta graveolens flowed around a garden like Oceanus around the κοσμος (kosmos), the world, like a winding rope that tied a bundle of branches together (the familiar fasces). The noun πηγμα (pegma) describes anything fastened; the adjective πηγος (pegos) means solid, strong or well put together (see next)."

v. 18. He was very thirsty= He was lovelorn. The Value in Gematria is 13048, יגאֶפֶסדח‎‎, igapesadh, "he was weary of the facade."

v. 19: Then God opened up a hollow place. The Value in Gematria is 10241, י‎בדא, "he will find out."

v. 20: Samson led[d] Israel for twenty years in the days of the Philistines. The Value in Gematria is 4062, ד‎אֶפֶסוב, diffushov, "Dip, breathe, and I will return."

Dipping confronts one fear one does not know what one is talking about. In spite of Samsons wealth, good looks and good manners, no one was willing to trust him when he said the world had to follow the Torah before it could rest on its laurels. We have stubbornly persisted in trying to be prosperous while we are trying to be violent.

Our politicians appear increasingly at a loss as to how to tone the world down, get it to surrender its weapons and motivations for war and gently farm the land, fish the sea, fuck, and live peacefully alongside other men and the remaining forms of wildlife.

Fortunately the world is still here. We can still breathe life back into it but the offer from God to restore the planet for us will not last forever.

The twenty years in the final verse are far too long for us to wait in the company of Philistines, we now know we do not have that much time. The Words of Moses in the Torah are meant to be acted upon with immediacy. As soon as they are understood, things must change.