#the pain of having a job 3< /div>
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red bull had the opportunity to do one of the funniest possible things and they did i love this team
#馃槶馃槶 the way i just cackled aloud in the office#so fucking funny of them#apologies if this is in the tags already I am speed posting as you might imagine#the pain of having a job </3#charles leclerc#max verstappen#lestappen#red bull racing
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dadkarios doods sponsored by my stress migraine
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#galemance#dadkarios#gale dekarios#tav#and ft cyra's fancy cane!!#the only thing that got mabel into the world was cyra knowing she couldn't kill gale until it was over#and of course she's just a smaller version of gale bc life isn't fair#i'm so fucking TIRED bc i had a job interview today and my body has just come down from being in panic mode all week#these were almost done days ago but i was in a Lot of pain and we didn't have any painkillers
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meant to post these sketches a few days ago? a week? but, well, life.
#red dead redemption 2#my art#my fics#arthur morgan#rdr#rdr2#rdr2 fanart#young arthur morgan#and a wee little hs of wolf!arthur#today is the first day of the last 3 ive gotten to eat more than a single meal a day#my bp dropped at work n since it was a vision black out i had to post up in the friggin stall like batman on a ceiling so i didnt fall#which sucks since i have a manual labor job but luckily i didnt reach the shakin stage just kept gettin the dots n focus static#been sleepin n readin to avoid attention on hunger pains since i had no energy for drawin#finally got to have dinner last night since we got some money and i gotta say i dont miss the feelin of chokin on food i wanted so bad#man i love tags most ppl dont read em n i get some catharsis to vent in em
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why does Vaggie take Drugs?
Ooof... this is a doozy! Get ready for depressed Vaggie/Valerie! CHAGGIE HUMAN AU LES GO
(Tw: massive talk about drugs n smokin! Like- its literally the main focus 馃槶)
Valerie used to smoke just to fit in with her friends Adam and Lute, plus the "exterminators" (which I will get into I think next request eheheh 馃槇). But now that they had a fall out with eachother, she relies on them heavily for other means. She has grown to use them for her anxiety(which, yes, she does have anxiety. It's hell, me and her are twins), although she has become SUPER reliant on them that she goes to any means to get them. Like going to the secret drug dealer that is Anthony(Angel Dust by most). Since he's pretty much everywhere and nowhere at all times, it's like if she wants drugs he is immediately there. It's creepy but it gets the job done I guess.. 馃槶
(He 100% cares and worries about her. Like, he loves when they talk and tease eachother, they have like a little sibling thing going on and he genuinely thinks of her like a little sister. Maybe cos his sister is dead but like let's move on from that right 馃槏)
Charlie HATES drugs. Not even hates, she DESPISES them. She tries to get Valerie to stop, but to no avail of course. Despite their differences, Charlie attempts to fit in with her.
It obviously goes to crap. Girl CANNOT and WILL NOT use that "devils dandruff" 馃様馃檹
(Wym girly- ignore the first image 馃槏 I just want to go for a peaceful vibe in their "friend" ship. Like they go to the mall, go get ice cream, get in trouble even if Charlie doesn't want to. They are goals fr fr I think im gonna draw them doing random stuff. WHICH REMINDS ME! IF YOU WANT TO SEE THEM GO TO A PLACE PLSS REQUEST! I WANT TO SBB I WILL ANYWAY BUT LIKE- ANYTHING SPECIFIC IDC <3)
What DOES she not understand? Sure Valerie is at a rough time where she feels she has to rely on a substance to keep sane. But.... Charlie doesn't know that. She just simply doesn't know how to understand a person's feelings. Let alone her own.
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel charlie#hazbin hotel vaggie#vaggie#charlie morningstar#hazbin hotel anthony#hazbin hotel angel dust#hazbin hotel art#hazbin#hazbin art#hazbin hotel au#hazbin au#hazbin hotel human#hazbin human au#tw drugs#art#fanart#artists on tumblr#digital art#chaggie#rainbowmoth#varlie#vaggie x charlie#charlie x vaggie#im gonna make a tag for this au wait lemme cook#chaggie humanxdemon au#its long but it gets the job done#if you have any name suggestions pleaseee give so i can usee ill give credit <3#REQUESTS. I BEG. IM DESPERATE. I WANT. PEOPLE. TO BE INVESTED. LIKE I AM. IM CURRENTLY SO HYPERFIXATWD ON HAZBIN ITS PAINFUL#MAINLY CHAGGIE. I DONT GET IT. I CRY WHEN I HEAR MORE THAN ANYTHING REPRISE EVEN THO ITS MID. I LOVE IT. I LOVE CHAGGIE. STAN CHAGGIE 馃槏馃槏馃挏
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tbh as soon as I got a job that paid me enough to live and wasn't dependent on getting people to like me or listen to me most of my brain problems just went away. I spent all that time trying to convince myself they wouldn't and I should try to get them fixed regardless but then I just. Immediately became functional upon receiving a consistent schedule, boring autism tasks, and Some Money
#i made a curry the other day.#i feel like i should be lonely or worried about the future because i don't really have friends here & i don't want to work at 5 am forever#but on the other hand. teaching was horrible customer service was horrible tutoring doesn't pay enough#i don't know how to get to an editing job and i need a break from trying to figure it out#3 months to a year of absolute boredom and vague back pain sounds wonderful.
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thanks for the reminder that I'm chronically ill, can you go away now? I have chores to do, thanks :)
#bored.txt#personal#chronic illness#bruh I've been completely healthy for the past 4 months and suddenly it decided to regress 3 years in a week#wtf#it wasn't even that bad during the most stressful parts of my life wtf changed#it's been 4 days LEAVE ME ALONE#I have a new job that I love don't fuck it up for me!!!#it's not even that painful it's just blood loss just stop it
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im being so so brave but also i am gripping you by the shoulders and leaning in and letting you know i am so tired of being brave
#my job has invented new and even more agonizing ways to make itself stressful to endure#and that isn't even counting the fact that i've now seriously fucked up my wrist transporting 30lb boxes up and down stairs#or the fact that i occasionally get piercing shoulder pains if i'm not super careful about how i use the hand truck#or the fact that whenever i come home on mondays my entire lower body is so sore that i can't move beyond a weak shuffle#it's the fact that my boss has no sense of organization#so my supervisor and i are basically salvaging or starting from scratch every week#it's the fact that some of our clients are asking for things we're not even contracted to provide#like access to our company materials or additional resources outside of our scheduled bookings#and that there's this constant looming threat of 'ohhh don't be bad at your job!! or else we'll lose our contract with these people!!'#but 'bad at your job' in this case means 'not bending over backwards to accommodate the least accommodating circumstances possible'#like 'hey you need to lead this training exercise meant for 20 people except actually you only have 4 people'#'and actually none of them are familiar with the prerequisites for this training or have any experience with the skills'#'and also none of them want to be there and half of them just Don't Do These Things as a rule'#'and if you try to make them do anything they don't want to do (even if it's literally the point of the training) they Will leave'#'and then we will no longer have enough clients to pay you'#like. what am i doing. this company was not designed to work with this format. we're not an arts and crafts group or a club meeting#hi so i wrote this post before starting weekend work prep#it has been 3 hours now#im still not done#i haven't eaten and my wrist hurts so bad#i need to.................. take a break................................
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how the fuck do you do time management when you're extremely busy in a way that doesn't involve giving up all my resting time
#i dont even work THAT many hours in a week but because its split between 3 jobs i often work almost all day but with like an hour in between#and i need that time to eat#theres definitely time I have like on the weekends for instance that i could manage better but like i need to rest. i need to see friends#and then im taking 12 credit hours with the 3 jobs and also im in pain all the time which eats into my time#AND i need to sleep???? that shit is so annoying. i could do so much more if i didnt have to sleep#im like always behind on everything 馃槱 and i just feel like i wish i had more time to devote to it
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Thinking of writing short stories from Gortash's perspective of my Durge before they were attacked by Orin. Right now I've got a very jealous Enver Gortash seething over Tamasvi secretly meeting up with with a mysterious Fae and not knowing why bouncing around my head, and his perspective on his first experience of watching her performance in a red room.
Maybe some snippets of relationships with the rest of the party during the game too since they don't feature too heavily in 10k Deaths for Bhaal? I've got so many ideas and no time to write them all at the moment.
I'm enjoying writing long form post-canon but it feels SO slow compared to what's going on in my head, its been like 7 chapters and I feel like nothing but set up is happening still.
#bg3#bg3 dark urge#durgetash#the dark urge#enver gortash#baldurs gate 3#bg3 durge#bg3 gortash#dark urge#I am 100% to blame for how slow the fic is going but I won't go any faster#The joys of being an adult means I can do what I want#The pain of being an adult is having to work a full time job to pay bills#Just need a week of goblin writing mode where I do nothing but write#drink coffee and plot
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I've been very unwell today and my queue is pretty short at the moment, so I might go quiet for a bit. Honestly I might end up in hospital again. I've been struggling for awhile and it's gotten worse, and I'm about past my limit of managing.
Take care of yourselves. xo
#personal#mental health#mental illness#anxiety#panic attacks#lowest I've been on the MH pain scale all day is 7 or 8#gallstone levels of distress at the moment#tempted to call the crisis line but I'm not sure they'll have resources to do anything#it's not like my panic is irrational or catastrophising#it is very possibly the end of the world#pretty sure anxiety and wanting to die is an appropriate emotional response#I'm being stupid and histrionic I guess but I'm not ok#nothing happening is about me but i still can't bear it#i can't focus or think about anything except dread#I've tried meditation and 3 3s and tensing all my muscles and then letting go#I've tried distracting myself with games and tv#nothing is working#heart palpitations high bp tinnitus hyperventilating nausea tightness in chest crying all day on and off#i can't feel like this for the rest of my life#i can't feel like this for another two weeks or another two days#and i don't see why i should have to#might have to go completely offline on a permanent basis but then I'm without my social contacts or my job so#take care of yourselves and each other#maybe i can get sedated or something
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mordanting the first batch of washed shetland with alum--this is like my second time ever using alum bc you cant make it and i'm terminally poor, but the rya lambswool i dyed yellow with it ... last year ? last month ? some time in the past, idk, turned out really bright and vibrant so i wanted to try it again. i did get enough alum to do the other batch with it as well, altho i also have copper so i might do that instead. using maybe 13ish percent wof alum, with a little cream of tartar as well bc i finally got that for once too.
#so far today have done a couple of dishes while sitting down and a very quick trip to the store to get (overpriced tiny containers of) alum#(was get 3 for the price of 1 due to my ways)#and i already am in. so much pain. and am so exhausted#barely made it back to the car b4 my knee stopped being a functional knee and instead turned into a white hot ball of searing pain#so thats truly something#am getting increasingly panicked about how to get a job like this haha#chronic illness#natural dyeing
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just punched myself in the face with my luggage
#peach stuff#im moving into my own apartment (!!!) but i hate packing i haaaaaate packing and i. well. you know#my jaw is actually a little bit tender. if this bruises right before i have to take my id photo for my new job wouldn鈥檛 that be something#also i have SO many books. and that鈥檚 great. but no one ever warns you how much of a pain moving books is#like. congratulations! you are now stuffing hundreds of bricks into every suitcase/box/bag you can only reasonably carry a few at once#logically i know if i just put my head down and start stuffing shit in bags i鈥檒l get through. i just hate it<3
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MOTHERFUCKERS I AM GOING TO SURVIVE THE WEEK FROM HELL 馃敟馃敟馃敟馃敟馃敟馃敟
#officially past the half way point in exams#got rejected from the job i interviewed for on Tuesday which is a pain because ive wasted so much revision time on job applications#hmmmm#but i have my 5th exam of the week tomorrow and thank fod#its the easiest of the lot because im so tired#then 3 days to prepare for an exam on Tuesday which could be a bit of a disaster tbh but that's what these three days are for#and then nearly 2 weeks until the nightmare exam from hell which i hate but have time to sort out hopefully#oh my god i can't wait for this to be over#im at that point in a Mentor Pilot video where he goes 'and now things are going to start happening really quickly'#(about the critical moment in a plane crash where things often go wrong/ get out of control very quickly)#but the plane is still in the air i still getting it done#not fantastically but its getting done all the same#rambles
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My goal was to grade 10 papers today. I really really reeeeaaaallyyyyy didn't want to and had to fight tooth and nail through the executive dysfunction. I clawed my way through at a pace of one essay per hour. I hated it, but I did it!
It's not even the fact that I reached my goal that made me happy (it was arbitrary). It's the fact that I'm even capable of getting through difficult things I don't want to do at all. I have been working on my self-discipline and focus for years and I'm very proud of myself for how far I've come.
#adhd problems#considering that 9 years ago i was failing several university classes due to undiagnosed ADHD#and in the past 3 years I've grown enough to do an online master's degree which required me to write a 12k word dissertation by myself#and in the past 5 months i started a job as a university professor and i have to be so self-motivated#i am solely responsible for making lesson plans and doing all the grading#grades are due August 17 and i have graded 30/40 essays as of today#if i can get 5 more done tomorrow and 5 on the weekend i can submit them on Sunday#which is a whole week early and was my carefully scheduled goal#so yeah the fact that i can force myself to stick to my schedule even though i don't HAVE to? 9 years ago me could never#personal#and tbh this is my version of self-care and it sucks but i can do it#i will take great pains to never let myself feel the way i did in 2015 when i flunked out of school#I'll get my grades in early so i can let myself enjoy the rest of the summer
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fixing our leaky shower diverter now (the toggle that switches the bathtub faucet to shower)
#personal#keeping it fun and funky fresh#our house in the middle of our street#i am learning so many skills. my hands hurt.#my left palm is deeply bruised from i think pressing the outlet into its socket? i caught my finger with the box cutter Just a Tiny Bit#and i tried to unscrew the faucet with my hands which should've theoretically been possible but ended up putting like. dents. in me.#ended up using my pipe wrench with a washcloth as padding#also the omnipresent wrist pain Naturally#the tension between 1) i'm spending a lot of money on supplies to do this stuff#2) i still don't have a job#3) i'd be spending More money on hiring someone to do this (which i'd have to do if i were working; wouldn't have energy)
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Me, while manically cleaning my room at 3:27am: I should make several large, life-changing, irreversible decisions.
#so ive been in a bad mental state lately#because of many things. but the biggest being (yes i know ive complained about this in multiple other posts)#that my best friend and my ex gf were fucking. without even asking or telling me. i got no heads up. just figured it out on my own#which sucked and now im not speaking to either of them#and when i first found out i was in a bad place physically too#i had a terrible ear infection that was so fucking painful#and i realized i could concentrate on both things. so i focused on healing#and then i remembered ny family is coming to visit for Christmas#and thats a lot to deal with. so now im focusing on cleaning the apartment. specifically my bedroom#so im manically cleaning at 3:30am while angry and stressed and trying not to focus on this thing that makes me really upset#and in the middle of cleaning ill suddenly think 'should i quit my summer camp job?' or 'should i move states again?'#its not good. but i havent acted on anything#AND in the middle of cleaning i found all of my meds#i havent been taking them for months. but i decided im gonna start taking them again#i have a few refills left but then ill have to find a psychiatrist. i dont want to. but its definitely for the best#im trying to get my life back on track and build and better it#but then something hits me and completely derails everything and makes everything so hard#so anyway im gonna go do some more cleaning and try not to make life-altering decisions. and maybe build a desk#btw i have to get up at 9am to take out my puppy. and at 11:35 i have to get ready for work. again its 3:30am#and im full of manic energy#tomorrow is going to be very bad but at least I'll have a semi-clean room
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