#the other two are cis 🙄

[arolesbianism]

These are her two sort of partners btw. They're both freaks in their own right but at least there's one trans person in this horrible sort of polycule

I'm rotating my lob corp ocs in my head again. Imagine you get stuck in the million year time loop of the worst job you've ever had where you routinely die and watch others die and work with incomprehensible horrors and all the while one of your superiors is this woman

[olderthannetfic]

Idk how popular or unpopular this is gonna be with this crowd. So let me kinda rant after some shit.

The way lesbians talk about "Being a lesbian is about more than sexuality, it's a gender, it's spiritual." is always so fucking dangerously close to transphobia and biphobia. Even seems to have a foot in the gold star rhetoric. Even when they don't do so on purpose.

Oh yeah it sounds all cute and "Being a lesbian is a spiritual experience and that why it's also a gender." Ok...

Until you figure out how often it has transphobic and biphobic undertones and how "Lesbian gender" is almost always used by specifically cis women to remove themselves from all the "other" women. Because being a lesbian is inherent to their gender, it's different from being trans or "cis". A trans woman is a woman but ALSO trans so she could never experience the true lesbian spiritualism of sexuality and gender.The lesbian chakras simply don't align. 🙄

It also others other WLW women because it puts the lesbian experience above what other WLW women might feel. Sure you like women, but spiritually you're just not as pure in your love for women. You could never experience the true love a lesbian would, and you could never vibe on the same plane of spirituality and lesbianhood as two lesbian women together.

Hell, even comes across as a "true" lesbian relationship could only be between two lesbians, anything else is a pale immitation.

Gold star? Do I even need to? Has those purist vibes of a gold star lesbian was just more enlightened to know her true nature. A non-gold star is still a lesbian, but she was lost or not strong enough in her own spirituality to accept herself. She's not "lesser" she simply isn't as valuable as a gold star.

I'm not doubting that to some lesbian sexuality + gender + spirituality is completely innocent and actually genuine. But I'm also not doubting that this doesn't also reek a lot of different phobias and the desire to other themselves from women they deem lesser, be that because the women are trans, bi, pan, or have split attractions.

--

Eh. I do see some of this from very butch butches and so on. I don't think it's always trying to play into these particular exclusionary narratives.

[bluetortoist]

Showing off another Batman OC. This time, its my own Alice. I know. So original 🙄 but I can't help myself. She's a very accomplished chemist who crossed paths with Mad Hatter and later on became his lover.

(More info of her down below! History kind of dubious, be warned)

Name: Alice (real name: Eleanor Carole)

Nickname: Alias "Dear Alice"

Age: 30

Gender: Cis Female

Identifies: Demisexual

Race: Human

Ethnicity: White

Nationality: American

Birth town: Lansing, Michigan

Current Living: Gotham City

Allegiance: Chaotic Neutral-Lawful Evil

Powers/Abilites:

• Being a chemist, she has experimented and perfected two different formulas to mutate one's body to grow bigger or smaller. They can be ingested as is, or injected/mixed in with various ingredients. She uses this as both a defense (Bigger) and stealth (Smaller) strategy. However, she can't use it too much or else has negative effects on the body.

• She has a few versions of long armed, Horse's Hammer formed in the shape of a pink flamingo, one heavy, the other light; It, no doubt, causes pretty hefty damage.

• Even though she has become more physically strong since working with Tetch, she still only knows basic self defense and fist-fight combat, but has always (and always will), kept a knife on her body since moving to Gotham.

History: Eleanor was born into a family of domestic abuse but doesn't remember too much from that time other than that they were clearly unhappy together. Luckily, she didnt get to experience that environment for long because both her parents died in a car accident when she was 4. She was sent to live in an orphanage until she was 10 and was adopted to a family of doctors and physicians. It was through them she found her interest/obsession with chemistry. Even though they try, Eleanor rarely get to see both her parents at the same time since both had conflicting work schedules at the time, and spent a good chunk of her school years making and losing friends and putting more effort in her hobbies. This was about the time (10-13) her emotional detachment problems for people started to develop. Graduated top of her class with her Chemist degree, no friends, but got a boyfriend in a one-sided relationship. They started living together once they moved to Gotham. Got a job at a chemical reasearch facility that was a branch of Wayne Labs, but wasnt that well liked; was considered a "cold genius" among other coworkers. Decided to go see a therapist to help with herself as well (much to her boyfriends chagrin). Both those took all of her time that it was putting a strain on her relationship with her boyfriend. Somewhere around this time was when she was feeling at her lowest and also when she met Jervis and soon became friends (whom she already knew was the Mad Hatter). She begun seeing him a lot more after venting her personal and emotional troubles to him (quite literally saying that she wishes she was born as someone else) and he suggests his own kind of hypnosis therapy to help bring feelings up to the surface, all while conditioning her into a version of Alice. She consented to this kind of therapy, desperate to feeling anything like any sort of person at this point. (Basically: delusional man teaches girl how to manifest a new persona to actively dissociate 💀). This continues on and eventually (and quickly) start to form a relationship. The boyfriend, already pissed enough, already suspects she is seeing someone else. Confronts her one night about it, says hes kicking her out and almost turns into a fight, but she manages to beat him unconscious in self defense. In a panic, she runs right back to Jervis, and he offers to let her stay. He goes out and kills the boyfriend himself before finding out the boyfriend had made a report on her to the police. She stays in hiding for a couple of weeks afterwards. In that time, she and her Alice persona has become one in the same and doesn't even remember her old name anymore and only small bits of her early life. Alice finally felt like a person, regardless of whether those feelings were in the right place or not. They were at least real and her own now, Jervis/Hatter was real, and she can finally say, without faking, that she loves both of them for it. It wasn't until later on in the future that Hatter and her got involved in a criminal incident that she decided that she would need to protect herself and her precious Hatter (much to his dismay, not wanting her to get involved at all, but was pushed to believing its for the best). She started learning how to use weapons and self defense and creating more of her own chemical formulas inspired by Alice in Wonderland. She eventually started gaining a name for herself as Hatter's lover, right hand, and mad genius chemist, "Dear Alice"

Notes/Quirks:

• She has two snaggletooth upper-canines and a small birthmark on her upper right cheek.

• She used to have a therapist she would go to to help with her apathy and general difficulty with forming attachments with other people, due to some emotional damage back in childhood.

• She used to volunteer to read to children at her local bookstore. It was something for the community that her therapist encouraged her to do to help interact with other people. It was the one thing she missed before going to crime.

• She has never read a lot of classic children's books as a child, including Alice in Wonderland until it was suggested to her for her next book reading. Thus, how she will soon meet Jervis Tetch.

[starstruckbyacomet]

Do Americans Hate Women?

Trump won the 2024 election. He's a sexual offender/rapist. He was convicted of digitally penetrating a woman's vagina without her consent (he was not joking when he said "grab a pussy" 🙄). He's a misogynist, a racist, and a fraudster. He was a Covid denier during his first presidential term, and has contributed to 1.2 millions of Covid death among Americans. Yet he won both the popular vote and the electoral vote in 2024 US presidential election. With such abhorrent resume, why did he win?

Because his opponent was Kamala Harris, who happens to be a Black female presidential candidate.

Americans have had a Black president before. Barrack Obama has triumphantly broken the glass ceiling with glorious two back-to-back presidential terms. He's been one of the most popular US presidents in recent history. He left the office with an unblemished reputation and adulation from all over the world. His legacy, the Affordable Care Acta (ACA) or Obamacare, stands to be remembered for a very long time.

Obama has proven that a POC could be a very successful president. That left Harris with another baggage: being a woman. Considering Americans have voted for Trump with his tons of red flags instead of Harris, people naturally wonder: do Americans hate women?

71% of 2024 voters are white (link), mostly cis het men and women with middle income, and identified themselves as Christians. Let's compare the risks and benefits of Harris vs. Trumps from their POV:

(As usual, Democrats and Republicans brought up opposite issues in their respective campaigns. We can assume that the risks / weaknesses of one candidate is the benefits of the other)

The biggest risks of Trump's presidency:

Diminishing right to abortion. A little more than half of voters are men. Most voters are middle class people who can afford to buy contraceptions. The risk of themselves need abortions due to health concerns is also low.

Reversal of marriage equality and LGBTQ+ rights. Most voters are cis het. This risk does not affect them directly.

Increased discriminaton towards POC. 71% of voters are white. This is not relevant for them.

Regressive policies about climate change. The climate change impact is slow and gradual. The earth will most likely still be standing even after the voters were gone.

Trump is a rapist, a misogynist, a racist, a fraudster, etc. It's a problem for people who have direct contacts with him. Most Americans don't.

The biggest risk of a female presidency (from voters' POV):

Women are too emotional and too weak to be a successful leader because their biology works against them.

Day-to-day experience of Americans only emphasized how unprepared women are to be leaders. Most single parents are women. Why? It's usually because their men are irresponsible scumbags who left them and their children. True. But it also means that men can take logical (albeit immoral) decisions without being affected by their feelings. And the fact that those women let themselves impregnated by irresponsible scumbags proves that women could be too emotional to take logical decisions. Women can't even make good decisions for themselves. How can they make good decisions for the whole country?

There is also the mysterious Pre-Menstrual Syndrome (PMS) which tortures a lot women every month. The effects on women are vary, from mood swing to debilitating pain that makes women bed-ridden for days. After the PMS era comes the menopause with its own health risks, from osteoporosis to endometrial cancer. Americans don't want their president to have mood swings while making important decisions, or to take three days PMS-related leave every month, or to have deteriorating health after menopause.

The biggest issue maybe the image problem. Americans want strong presidents who look like they can hold their grounds, and will not be intimidated during arguments and negotiations. Since decades ago, every president has been at least 6 ft. tall. Harris is 5'4".

There are hardly any successful female country leaders in recent history. New Zealand and Taiwan had ones, but both countries are tiny compared to the USA. Queen Elizabeth II was more of a glorified porcelain doll than an actual leader. UK's Theresa May and Liz Truss made news for their failures to hold on power. Even the great Angela Merkel of Germany had lost supports because her own supporters thought she had been too soft towards refugees (one of the stereotyped female baggages). Most Americans don't know about Ursula von der Leyen, the President of EU. The ones who know mostly think of her as a glorified administrator.

It doesn't get better in the US politics. Hillary Clinton made an unforgivable mistake by letting Americans died in 2012 Benghazi attack. Elizabeth Warrens failed to convince voters that she wouldn't raise their taxes to fund her programs. Sarah Palin became a national joke for spending $150,000 of campaign fund in clothing, hair-styling, and make-ups. Liz Cheney was/is a nepobaby, and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is too inexperienced and has little of actual achievements other than criticizing people left and right. The most successful female politician in the US history is arguably Nancy Pelosi, who knows better than put her own name in the ballots. Without even a single example of successful female political leaders in any big countries, Americans didn't want to gamble their fate by voting one for presidency.

Now, compared the risk of Trump vs. Harris from the average Americans' POV. The risks of Trump's presidency will not affect them directly, but the risks of Harris' presidency will. It makes sense that they voted for Trump.

I don't think most Americans hate women. They just don't trust women's ability to lead, moreover to lead their country. In their minds, female presidents come with too many baggages, while give too little benefits. They're not willing to take the risk of having one.

[deathnguts]

Bloodmoonwater au where Barty and Remus were sent to the same military school because they were both ‘delinquents’ and Barty was still disruptive and annoying whereas Remus did as he was told for the most part and was put in charge of keeping Crouch in line because he’s technically his superior as his upperclassmen and he low key hates him for it until he sees a softer side of him when he’s panicking over how his mail time rights were taken away and he can’t send or receive letters from his boyfriend (Regulus) who was also sent away to a preparatory school (Trans regulus who was sent away after Sirius ran away to try and keep him from making the same ‘mistake’) and the only way they can communicate is via mail and Remus uses his authority over him to vouch for him because he can imagine it would be torturous to leave the only person you love affectively ghosted for no reason and then Barty learns to like him for that and it’s sweet and Regulus gets more school breaks than the other two due to military school being more grueling so to say and he uses those extra weeks to visit Barty and therefore meets Remus and they all get along and it’s sweet but ultimately circumstantial so when Remus graduates before them and goes off to college they don’t speak supposedly ever again until Remus befriends the marauders at his new college and then they hangout at Sirius’ and he’s like ‘warning my weird brother and his weirder boyfriend are here 🙄’ and then he sees them again and hes like ‘holy shit i know those weirdos’ and they reconnect for hours about how college life is treating the younger two and how they’re coping with the freedom of adulthood after their teenage years were so oppressive and to Sirius’ horror they also rekindle the half baked romance they had going on and become a throuple the end

And if you enjoy smut you can imagine the sexual frustration of being a teenager with limited options for partners and under strict surveillance all the time that Remus and Barty cope with together (with permission from Regulus of course, who you can imagine maybe has a permitted partner at his own school too. Evan maybe? Cis men can get sent to preparatory schools too, right? I genuinely don’t know. But damn Bloodmoonrosewater, what an idea for a ship) and then only gets more… explosive when regulus comes to visit and then when Remus re-meets them both through Sirius he has to pretend for Sirius’ sake that he hasn’t had multiple threesomes with these people before

[aries-rising-on-an-aquarius-tide]

Now that Kelli has been gone for a bit, I feel like I can get this off my chest: Wolf Productions done fucked up.

Not for the first time, and not right from square one. But gosh, what a waste.

Kelli Giddish's Rollins was the only female character with the depth and acting chops behind her on the show since Cabot was a regular. She showed up and was able to go toe to toe with Mariska in carrying episodes - both personally related to her character, or to cases - not to mention had electric chemistry with Benson (sexual or not, take your pick).

With all the flack that SVU had taken over the years for not having a more diverse cast in regards to sexuality, Amanda was the earliest and best opportunity they had to develop a complex, interesting storyline of an adult woman coming to her sexuality late in life. I am not even necessarily the most ravenous Rolivia Shipper out there, but I'm heartbroken that they took Amanda's character over the years into the most boring, obvious, dissatisfying of directions.

I adored Amanda's wild/problematic side. Her episodes with her fighting with Amaro, dealing with her gambling addiction, shooting her sister's ex, or going rogue undercover are my favorite episodes of basically the last 10 yrs of the show. It was so good to finally have someone in the squad who was easier to relate to in a real-world sense. Someone who went to a Big Girl job in the day, but in the off hours was a mess with a rebellious streak.

It was always my hope that they would turn around the storylines where she seemed to chase men that were purposely bad for her, into a realization that it was because she was more emotionally into women. It fits so perfectly with her childhood, her background, and had ready-made holes in existing canon where they could have written it in with ease. (Pretending to be Liv's gf at the sperm bank, the remarks she makes in the episode Plastic, questioning her second pregnancy, etc.)

Instead, they had Carisi mope after her for years, all through the seasons where she showed no interest in him. I lost 50% of my respect for Carisi when he had that sulking tantrum after she fucked the bartender in Intent (a sexist double-standard btw, which would have never flown with fans if it had been Rollins pouting bc Carisi turned her down), and the other 50% after Carisi became ADA, with the writers seeming to then write him as rather victim-blaming.

The biggest irony, in my opinion, is that Dick Wolf complains that giving the fans EO will make the show too 'soap opera-y,' when what he/they did with Rollisi and Kelli's exit was far and away the most soap opera-esque thing they ever wrote! Fuck off with that obvious shit! Oh, the once-troubled blonde who is now straight as an arrow, rides off into the sunset with the Catholic altar boy and trades her powerful feminist position for a 9-5 (don't come for me, there's nothing wrong w being a professor, that's not the point here) and her two kids. Eat all of my ass, Mr. Cis-het, White, Only-Primetime-Billionaire Wolf. 🙄***

To make matters worse, they specifically brought in a POC actress to play a bisexual character, only to write her out as fast as possible for absolutely no discernable reason!?! The utter waste of what they did with Kat Tamin is an equal travesty. Give me Kat waking up in Amanda's bed. Give me Amanda making pancakes for breakfast and Kat carrying the kids to the table. Give me anything but the bullshit, Caucasian tripe that they sold us with Rollisi!!!

*takes deep breath*

And if - IF - the powers that be couldn't think beyond the end of an average-length cock when it came to Rollins, then for the love of all that is holy: her chemistry with Sergeant Khaldun was 1) vastly more believable 2) hotter 3) more diverse as an overall cast option and 4) less cringeworthily obvious.

I have loved SVU since I was 16 yrs old, and even though I gave up watching it around The People v. Richard Wheatley (for reasons unrelated to this specific rant), I still lurk in the background and keep myself vaguely caught up. But it's getting impossible to defend a lot of the choices they have made in the last three or four years. Good talent is so hard to hang onto these days in H'wood, and Dick Wolf seems just as, if not more, determined to fuck up his show as Chris Carter was in the 90s with TXF.

Thanks for coming to my TED Rant. 😮‍💨✌🏻

- HeartEyes4Mariska

***Not to mention the Barisi Shippers got robbed in the process.

[chilewithcarnage]

white queers (especially ones that grew up middle class, or with even more economic resources than middle class) have literally never been told no. like ever. in any way lmaooo. like someone suggesting that not 100% of the public is gonna wanna see ppl just have sex anywhere isn't some weird christian bs tbh. like you'll be fine to keep certain things in designated places. you have where you live, your friends live, adult theaters, gay bathhouses, etc. there are public places where ppl can do whatever sexually. someone isn't a religious zealot for suggesting that kids, and unconsenting adults shouldn't have to see like two people going at it on the sidewalk, or like in a bathroom at a grocery store. be respectful of the fact that other ppl exist in the world. like white queers are first, and foremost white lmaoooo. same thing with the "do cis/het ppl belong at pride" discourse. like someone who isn't white will talk abt racism on this site, and white queers jump all over that post.......like???? didn't u just write a 5 paragraph essay abt why non-queer ppl don't belong at pride but u as a white person r gonna feel the need to comment on posts ppl who aren't white make??????? 😭😭🤔🙄

[not-goldy]

Antis scream about how gay Jimin is and how straight Jungkook is yet can't explain the grip Jimin has on him or why he treats Jimin the way he does and why Jimin is like that with him 😂

"Army thinks Jimin is gay...all of Army thinks Jungkook is straight !" Kay so why "straight Jungkook" is following "gay Jimin" to the military as his buddy in the buddy system? Why he took Jimin to Tokyo once for Jimin's birthday, twice just because they could relax before enlistment? Why he goes to his room non stop just because? Why he supported Jimin's album and watch hours of Jimin content only for him with us?? Why they went out on white day? Why he treats jimin not like he treats his other hyungs? Why Jimin accepts that treatment? Why the entire fandom hates their ship the most or not hyping it while hyping all the other ships for the most basic meaningless things? Why he didn't hide that hickey lol?.....maybe..just maybe it's because if Jimin is "so gay"..and Jungkook always wants to be around the "gay guy of bts" during the day, night, military...there must be a reason...right? Right?????????

But sure. We are the delusional ones.

💅

And the fact they both know very well people think they are gay lovers yet that does not stop them from being close like others who have been suspected of it.

I would tell him to stay far away like don't even look at me in public and even if we lived in the same apartment I'll let him catch a plane round the world to his place while I walk home.

In fact, there's this dude I hate so much at work people keep enemies to loversing us and when I tell you it makes me want to stab myself 😩

Like people really don't get how annoying it is to be shipped with someone you can't stand 🙄

One time he said hi in the hallway I just rolled my eyes and said oh fuck off like that's how much I can't stand the dude

Do you know one time he came in all disheveled and smelling like rotten eggs and wouldn't get anything done, then he looked at me dead in the eyes and said he's sorry uts just he's on his period

I said what the fuck you talking bout you is a cis straight man.

But I take a look at Jikook and those two actually want to be around eachother in spite of it all- I know Tae nearly beat his shippers with a bat when he screamed get out of your imagination at them. Probably didn't pick Jungkook's call for a week too chilee 😩

And I know when the script said and Tae Kook sat here he yelled aht aht aht aht miss me with that shit 😩😩😩😩

Those two really be trying 😩

Bless them.

[therese-lokidottir]

I am not trying sound sexiest , also I am women myself but seeing too much 'girl boss ' and female hero make me annoyed

In past I whining about lack of female hero and women too much feminine and I kind want female version of male hero and now I kind get that but somehow it make me annoyed like🙂😐😑😒🙄

I meant it's too many now, and somehow they not like what I have in my mind and most of 'girl boss ' are mean and not polite (I am not just talking about Sylvie ) and look down to everyone (mostly men) they even not to trying playing nice or fake polite, it's just annoying.

I know not everyone like that but now just ugh, now I miss sweet feminine girl and more miss sweet feminine girl that not too stupid. I really miss that

You know I am fine female version of the male in fanfic but seeing on screen it's not good like in fanfic

Just record Sylvie is bad as Kate Kane in cw

Hey, I'm hardly the only one who has pointed this out but "girl boss" is just basically toxic masculinity but from a woman. This f*** you, got mine mentality that not about helping anyone but oneself. Treating being a bully like its strength and acting entitled to things because who you are rather than working for them and accepting you don't always get what you want.

So, I love Jennifer Walters in the comics and I would recommend Sensational She-Hulk for anyone who just wanted a fun. It's why personally I was so disappointed in Disney+ series and subsequently why I got so annoyed whenever someone asked "Why there's got to be a She-Hulk? It not like there are male version of female character." She has been a popular character for decades and it sucks to see people criticize She-Hulk as a concept just because an adaptation was bad.

I will say however toxic men still a pass more often than not. Look at Thanos, Look, at the worst aspects of Tony and look at Mobius. Thanos especially is worship and made to be so tragic and sympathetic, which is so gross considering the fact he is an abuser.

I hate Mobius way more than I hate Sylvie, but they are two side of the same coin. They are the cis-white people who just want normal life and thrive in a middle-class system in contrast to Loki, the queer and other coded character who is wrong and childish for wanting "attention" and more for himself.

Also notice how most of these girlboss characters tend to be white. Because it's not about progressive or woke or whatever you want to call it. It's trying to appeal to demographic without actually questioning or challenging the status quo.

[odinsblog]

Hoo boy 🤯

One of my aunts had children much later in life (auntie is almost 60 and has a daughter who is 12) and I stopped by yesterday just to say hi, and I walked into WW3

Like I’m just sitting there, minding my own business and being a good nephew 😇 when out of nowhere, my 12yr old cousin just blurts out, “Odin please tell her that 12 isn’t too young to be on birth control!”

Like, JFC. Are you … are you being serious rn??

I’m positive that the slow motion side eye I gave her was fucking severe enough to kill

Me: Well y’all, I’ll be right back

*me to myself: I have no intention of ever returning to this quadrant of the universe in the foreseeable future*

My auntie: No Odin, don’t go anywhere. You two are about the same age. I’d love to hear your thoughts—(again, my little cuz’n is 12, I’m almost 40, I’m a cis/het Black man, both my parents are Black, the 12yr old identifies as “biracial” and as “bi” period, and how tf am I anywhere close to being helpful? My ex gave me a cactus plant bc she knew I could never successfully grow plants in my house, and she said a cactus was a safe plant for me. And then I killed it!! I don’t even have any children! How am I remotely qualified? Why are I here??)

Auntie: Well, Odin??

Me, to myself: *Okay. No escape routes handy. Try to say something intelligent, and don’t cuss*

Me: *ahem* So talk to us. Why are you sO determined to get on birth control, and why NOW? Is there a boy? Has your mother met him yet? Please talk to us. This is a no-judgement zone, okay?? *staring intently at my aunt*

Yes, there is a boy. Yes, she’s “in love” 🙄

And by now the absolute gravity of the situation is dawning on me, and I’m starting to forgive my aunt for not letting me escape from their family convo. She was, apparently, taken by surprise as much as I was. She didn’t know about any of this, and she needed a buffer to compose herself, and I guess it was me that day

It’s such a long ass story

Anyway, after what seemed like hours of listening to the 12yr old wax on about how mature she believes she is, my aunt actually said, “I’m glad that you felt you could trust me with this,” and I think I almost fainted. Was definitely not expecting auntie to be so calm about it (sn: she’s an old, Black Pentecostal church lady auntie, so anything other than extreme anger + slut shaming is wayyy off brand here - hopefully it was genuine and not just something she said just bc EYE was present)

Then auntie asked her daughter to step outside so that the adults could talk (lol, I almost thought she meant someone else other than me and I nearly left the room with the 12yr old)

Here’s where the problem comes in: my immediate reaction was, if the kid truly thinks she’s in love + has clearly considered having sex, then put her on the pill or some other birth control immediately. But Auntie thinks it’s too early bc she doesn’t think her daughter is emotionally ready for sex, and not mature enough either (my 12yr old cuz’n thinks that if she takes a birth control pill on Monday, then she can have sex on Tuesday. I was stunned at how difficult it was to disabuse her of this notion - which apparently is “common knowledge” amongst her peers)

My aunt thinks putting her daughter on birth control would be encouraging a child to engage in intercourse, but I kept trying to drive home the fact that she IS going to have sex anyway, with or without contraception, and with or without auntie’s consent—that’s just a matter of fact, like taxes and physics and gravity

I kept saying, “just be glad she came to you beforehand, or at all, because now you have a chance to act and to protect her”

But then we found out about the boy. He’s a fucking mess, and almost 4yrs older than her

My aunt is leaning towards something like, “If she can demonstrate that she’s ready and mature enough, then maybe I’ll let her go on the pill when she turns 13 or 14,” and I’m like, what happens if SHE doesn’t wait until then?? Nobody can watch her 24/7/365 and if she’s determined to have sex, then she absolutely will

…I honestly do not know what the right answer is here, but I think I’m right?

And young Black girls “falling in love” and having babies with the first guy who is halfway nice to them, before they graduate high school, is already a thing™ in Pentecostal churches. I’m like, auntie what you have here isn’t a setback—this is a golden opportunity to help break a cycle

I know I’m old af, but kids seem to grow up so damn fast nowadays. At 12 all I wanted to do was play basketball, read comic books, and hang out with my friends. Don’t get me wrong, I liked girls and I knew they existed, but SEX? “Sex” was that blurry thing that you occasionally saw on the cable channels you couldn’t afford, as you were flipping through the channels to get to the X-Men cartoons. And I understand that I’m extremely slow here. After all, I was a Pentecostal church boy who took a “purity oath” and was a virgin until I was 25yrs old

Idk how parents deal with this kind of shit. I always thought that one day I would make a great parent, but every time I hear about the problems some of my family encounter with their children, it just chips away at that belief of me being “good parent” material. Lmao, my confidence that I would be a good parent USED to be bigger than Plymouth Rock, but now it’s about the size of a pebble

[katyspersonal]

The truth behind Caryll and Carolee

To be honest, I am still having some mixed feelings regarding splitting Caryll into two characters.

My very very first idea for Caryll was a mental image of red-haired painter guy. Like, all the way back when I just discovered Bloodborne. Then I've learned that Caryll was gender-neutral name and I instantly switched on red-haired girl instead because back then I felt like BB only had 3.5 female characters. And I like female characters.. Then I discovered the potential of the statue behind Memory Altar BEING Caryll, so I stuck with this version:

(Ignore the outdated Yurie/Julie jumpscare because I've learned she is a blonde only later) With Caryll's story was that she was the third one of main Witches of Hemwick, since Hemwick does have a statue of three but we only fight two witches always resurrecting one another, and the corpse from which we loot Rune Tool is just some rando Yharnam hunter tied to the chair and surrounded by papersheets (so, not a Byrgenwerth Scholar but a victim of unethical experiments (presumably to learn how many Runes a human brain can keep at once before it explodes))

Caryll was a witch that ended up sacrificing her lifespan by performing brain surgery on herself, in order to have literal eyes on the inside and thus speedrun invention of Runes Alphabet. Backed up by the fact that Hemwick Gravewomen have enlarged skulls with bandages over them, as if they took the practice of literal eyes in brain too! So, the statue honored her sacrifice, and this is why they're also placed in the explored paths in Chalice Dungeons

She was a very included character in the main Byrgenwerth's 6 (actually in which Damian didn't fit, the 6th member was Patches heheh), and Laurence was quite heartbroken because of what she did. She was his Gehrman before Gehrman was his Gehrman! :p

....the thing is, already far enough into her development, I've gotten extremely close with another person for variety of reasons, but that resulted in me merging my creative vision with his.

I am really not sure whether he asked for it or not, only that he also incorporated my headcanons into his picture (like my Rom) and that I was feeling strongly uncomfortable when he disapproved of my takes on lore and characters. We both have hit strange co-dependent bond creatively where for some time we were ruining each other's enjoyment in writing through how we felt the need to share everything! Emotional merging and inhuman proximity and all. But in the end he grew strong enough to no longer need me to like his stuff like he used to be and his influence became more "dominant" and I was the spineless one in this situation. A lot, and I mean a LOT of my creative drives were soured by his biases.

Not only he really disliked my version of Caryll over personal preferences and saying how "obsessing over a reused asset was dumb", not only he generally hated to acknowledge female characters beyond just "wives and mothers", not only he disliked her "ugly" face in general.... but also he was very excellent at translations and very autistic about names.. and, well, concluded that Caryll actually had a male name in the original, Karel. He provided enough evidence, and paired that with all the Occam's Razor stuff.

He really was inconsistent, too. He was very upset at Carylls (sometimes Izzys) who were nonbinary or female despite having male name upon look at Japanese original, but then really liked some foreigner's fanfic where Rom was male (author just never saw Miyazaki's interview)! He claimed he just was very canon accurate, yet both of these examples contradicted canon (according to his logic), but.. of course he liked one and hated another. He always saw male characters as characters and female characters as "mothers and wives lest they are just woke garbage" and I addressed that many times. 🙄

Had I known back then that Fromsoft already had precedents of very GNC names choices I'd not care! Had I known back then about Ciaran, female character with male name, the discourse would be over...? But back then I was obsessed over these things too. Especially I was bribed into agreeing because he finally resolved my confusion regarding Yurie. She is a blonde but everyone who learned about it deliberately drew her with dark hair since her name sounded Japanese. But when he revealed to me that her actual name is Julie, as well how most of the names in the cast were Hungarian, Polish or Czech but mistranslated into English variants, that was like, big. I was absolutely won over since even prior that localisation mistakes were frustrating me a LOT (most notably how localization team turned Gehrman into a creep when Japanese script didn't feature anything of a kind at all). Like.. that guy just proven me that he knew his shit, so his words regarding Bloodborne became a gospel for a while. I didn't think my unique ideas were worth anything, I based my entire self-worth in the fandom on "being accurate" and "uncovering secrets". Post about Gehrman, Maria and the Doll was how fandom started to like me, after all, however fleeting that good time was. My friends Crow and Fantomette didn't know about that guy but could see I was hurting and restricting myself creatively far too much. They somehow can feel that something is wrong even if you don't tell them anything. And they tried them hardest to nurture my "creative liberties" side.. but it was all futile.

That didn't help that whenever I was trying to discuss the character Caryll as a concept, not even a specific version, I used 'they' to include every interpretation including ours both, he stubbornly used 'he' back at me which just ruined the fun of those conversations. It made it feel more like two deer fighting with their antlers than exchanging headcanons! It is very hard to explain, it just felt like passive aggression towards my version (that he already disliked personally because he disliked my art style and what he disliked showed in how I draw aged women especially). Like, it felt like going deliberately out of his way to refuse inclusion of my version, who was a she, in discussion, let alone every potential version, and that ONLY his, or only male ones were fitting.

I think the tension culminated when he straight up snapped at me over how nobody listened to him that Karel was a male character, not "up to interpretation", and in that very conversation he unleashed the full extent of vitriol to how dumb my interpretation was. He was so mad at how popular nonbinary or female Carylls were (still are), and made it feel like I was part of the problem. I cried a lot because of that, but also I started to remember something from the very far back, when I just gotten into BB...

I remembered about my initial impression of Caryll, the red haired artist guy. And being convinced that the guy was ultimate authority over lore rightness with insane clairvoyant powers as I was, I questioned whether I had the "correct" idea from the start and then went astray creatively.

So, I separated the characters and finally gave the very first draft another chance at life! Now inventions of the Runes fell on two people: alphabet was invented by a person already affiliated with the nonverbal and artistic, and 'practical' part on how to burn them into mind exactly fell on the witch from the tribe that already excelled in weird surgeries! The only problem remained is that now it was very hard to find the room for 'Carolee', as I still wanted to keep her in Byrgenwerth but she had no much reasons to be there... Granted, even before that I headcanoned her as aunt of Simon and his twin brother, so the hook remained. Just that now including her in group shots became harder. There are central characters!

This new Caryll developed as a pretty great character too, very autistic and good friends with Patches (until Patches starts insulting Willem along with Laurence XD). And actually I was really happy for a while with the decision! The 'initial' Caryll had a little too much going on about her. Like you know how there is a type of DS1 fans that tie literally every important thing that happened in lore to Velka? Witch Caryll had a bit of the same problem XDDDD Now, each character had "reasonable" amount of connections and contributions, and there was a joy of letting a cut concept live again since red haired guy was my first vision! Besides, the artist boy Caryll fell more in line how Caryll was a scholar, when the witch Caryll was more professory and too old to be in the group with Micolash, Rom and Laurence! And the biggest joy of all: now that my Caryll, too, was a he, I could FINALLY discuss ideas and lore of Caryll with that guy! Without passive aggression!

The thing is.. I absolutely dread how this decision happened. I tried to cope very hard saying that I came up with it willingly and on my own, but in reality I just lost some sort of an unspoken antlers duel and I didn't want to admit how no matter what I was still just a looser that can't do shit without approval of their favourite person.

And yeah, I know what you are thinking. 'LMAO, SHE was the one who lacked the spine to resist the passive aggression and could not stand up against obvious bigotry, and now wants to play victim and get pity!' And, no. I don't want people to feel bad for me. It IS absolutely my fault that I could not stand my ground, that I shown no principles nor self-respect, and I am pretty sure that if he realised how much it effected me he'd be really upset over unintentionally shifting my creative freedom. Sure he'd also be less than thrilled to learn that me feeling "happy with a better decision" was cope. I had to put my joy on his approval.

I don't think he was in any way bad person with his preference, too. Like.. I've seen so many fans that saw a character without confirmed sexuality as a lesbian in a way where they were legitimately pissed at bi/straight/even aroace headcanons for her. To the point they'd make mxf shippers feel unsafe about posting. Why this should be different when a person sees a character without confirmed gender as a male? Two can play this game. It is one of the "dark" sides of autism you can "win" when the autistic traits wheel spins at your birth; getting so fixated on the version you like the most that you can't help but feel hostility towards different interpretations. It is on us to control it if it happened towards character/ship so to not hurt other fans, but there is nothing inherently evil about feeling this way to begin with. And.... his "hatred towards women" emanated from his own self-hatred, after all. He hated himself for "failing" to be a woman, he felt like being assigned female at birth was his sacred duty to grow up into a good proper wife and mother yet he "denied" it and God would hate him for it. He could not help being a man though, but hated everyone who got to be a cis woman yet "threw the blessing away". Fictional or real. Self-hatred can be a radioactive core that damages everything in a large radius, and I never had the patience and skill required to wade through it and put him into peace. I was a garbage friend who could only cry when his words hurt and call him out when his words were unfair. I hope he can find someone who is insensitive to his "humanity running wild". Deep down I could not be mad at anyone but myself, because I was weak and skilless and no match to him.

I just always think back on all this. And the gateway to so many memories, and much more, is just this red haired boy. Every time I acknowledge him, and 'Carolee', it all emerges from the depths, when I think I forgot.

.....what we were talking about? The creative decision on an obscure Bloodborne character? In general, it ended... well? I do think the decision to split the character was better writing, my friends like two characters take more, I've heard the 'yeah it WAS to the better' often! People seem to like splitting the character and think it is super creative take on how Runes were invented and became Hunter tools! I just.. hate how it had to come from such an unhappy place. Some creators are just very incompatible and it is important to remember to stay true to your own ideas no matter how tempting "merging" with another creator can be! (unless you and your friend are literally getting into a new interest together, like me and Val). He also was addicted to my approval at some point but grew past it, and I was the one who couldn't and thus kept making things harder for myself. Creatively, the red-haired guy is like a child I wanted to abort but got convinced into keeping fdsghfggfds Sorry there is absolutely no better way to put it LOL

But I still second-guess the decision. I sometimes wonder whether placing all Caryll lore on just the witch made absolute banger of a character and I've wasted the potential here, as two Carylls are kinda unremarkable each. Sometimes I wonder whether letting the artist boy return into ether and merging characters back into one, the witch, would be a significant step towards my healing from that EX friend. Removing the effect of his passive aggression and even some misogyny, as well as effect of my spineless attitude and lack of principles. Going back to what I truly like - obsessing over obscure female characters! At the same time, is not it good to carry some sort of "scar" to remind myself to never depend on someone's approval, especially when it is on weird terms? It is just a creative decision, yet it bothers me to no end... at the very least, I know that everyone likes the red haired guy anyways.

[reincarnatedonthefirst]

Client Recap, The Republican - Part 2

Part 1

Part 3

Part 4

After I left the client last night, he texted “thank you so much, had a lovely time”. This morning, he thanked me again over email so I think he truly enjoyed my time!

That’s great because I was intimidated by him. I’m generally intimidated by all successful, intelligent, polished, white men. I think most people are conditioned that way: they hold white men on a pedestal. Well, I’m fallible too. As much as I am disgusted by white men, I’ve internalized their “superiority” as well.

Okay. Moving on.

He was a relatively decent guy because even though he was aware of my lower end, massage persona, he chose to pay my full service persona rates. 🥹 It was really good of him to not ask to pay my lower end rate instead. Initially, he booked only two hours but wanted the option of extending to three. When I opened the initial envelope, it had my mid-range two hour rate inside so I knew we were good.

Onto the bad…

He made some homophobic and weird comments about race during the session…

First, he congratulated me for being “proud of being a black woman”… 👀 Okaaay… How he gathered this from my social media posts, I don’t know.

His explanation that a lot of black girls on the ad platforms put their ads in any other ethnic category except “black”. I haven’t actually observed this for myself. Some platforms allow you to advertise in multiple ethnic categories. He may not know that.

I think he’s just jumping at the chance to make, what he thinks, is an intelligent observation on racial identity. I’ve noticed that some white men like to pretend to not be racist by presenting themselves as authorities on race. He hit me with this classic: “I think the world will be much better when we can finally get to a post racial society. It would be great if there was no such thing as race.”

😑

Sonny, you wouldn’t want to live in a world like that because you wouldn’t benefit in a world with more equality. He doesn’t see the implications of a society without racial injustice. His whiteness wouldn’t mean shit.

“Post racial society”… 🙄 Go fuck yourself.

Anyway, moving on. That was definitely the most laughable thing he said last night.

He also went on to imply that homosexuality and being transgender is wrong but that’s typical CIS hetero male mentality. Nothing new there.

He also made a few comments about the election which I side-stepped like a professional. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 I’m not stepping into that mine field. Definitely applauded myself on that one.

[lapsed-lys]

May 1st 2024

Entry #033

Helplines

I've passed the last week texting and calling Catholic helplines (I can't see a priest in person or attend church) about a friendship dilemma I've had:

Should I leave my Catholic friend, since she worries about encouraging my Catholic sin of being trans, or should I stick with her as we're both queer and want to follow God?

(TW: Catholic guilt, detransitioning, transitioning, queerphobia, intersexism, cynicism faced to hypocrisy.)

Given my current circumstances (not being able to seek a priest irl), I tried to seek priests and Catholics online. I wanted to get as many perspectives. What would anyone do in my shoes: leave the friend to let them walk with God as they need, or stay with them and continue cherishing our precious (and mutual) friendship?

People focused all on my genitalia and repentance.

Priests online didn't want to adress the friendship issue, because I "can't make a choice in my state of confusion". Catholics called me all kinds of slurs or took pity on my situation, instead of adressing what I really sought advice on: the friendship. And worst of all: when I spoke about my friend and I, they kept asking and asking about our genitalia and talking about us as "females".

When I called Catholic helplines, I was very tired and being on the brink of snapping from coming up with creative sentences to take the focus away from genitalias. So, to avoid anymore of that, I changed the layout of my situation, speaking of my inner situation as the two friends in question. I went in there with my birthname and claiming to be a woman to speak about me and my transidentity like the other friend.

At first, it went... unexpectedly well. The volunteer was very calm, explaining that if my friendship is so important than it's worth staying friends, despite the "differences". That, if I'm uncomfortable, I can back out, but that as I seem to speak now that I should stay with them and use the experience to strengthen my faith. And so, the volunteer asked my name, supposedly to close the call...

"O-Oh, you're a... You're a woman?"

And it all derailed there. No lore friendship talk, no more faith talk. Just assuming about my sexuality and experience with gender, assuming I was denying a love for my girl friend (a trans man) and SSA (same-sex attraction). Spreading bigotry on trans people, quoting outdated terms and research, giving me references to priests who wrote books about the "teen mutilation" (transitionners, no mention of intersex people's mutilation somehow 🙄) and "gender ideology"...

I confessed that I've been wondering if there wasn't some reading between-the-lines in the Bible considering that I'm a "cis woman who passed as a guy" and that I've been meeting many intersex people. Again, no engagement, just more "God made male and female!"

I know this is to be expected, but after a month of constantly seeking help and being exposed to so much nonsensical anti-trans media... I just stood there, thinking:

"That's just hypocritical."

[hobicakess]

that internalized fatphobia has got to go, anon. you upset about POSITIVE representation of a plus sized person being loved or dicked down? you clearly looking for escapism in the wrong way. there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be skinny, but trying to control another person blog and how they want to be perceived in a fictional world is crazy.

there are plenty of reader fics where they’re not specified. you as a reader are not entitled to what stories we want to tell. this is the same shit as not wanting to see black people in video games because racists are upset that we exist in real life.

if you wanna act like you not fat (which isn’t a bad word) or like other fat people don’t exist so you can live out your fantasy then so be it but either go find like minded people (who will more often than not shame you cuz you don’t look like them) or write the shit yourself.

just like you can find any ole white reader inserts, you can find skinny ones. i don’t care what yall do in that cis white skinny corner of fanfiction, but leave the rest of us alone. but also don’t come back here when them fucking leopards eat your face cuz you decided to sell out in favor of thinness instead. either just vibe or get the fuck on.

also coming to a black woman page and demanding shit or seeking educational labor (which i’m glad she didn’t do and instead told you the fuck off) is a real piece of work. she already writing shit for FREE. go complain to someone else cuz she not the one and im not the two.

so either put the money in her hand for a bland ass tasteless personalized commission or shut up🙄

anyway to all the fat bitches around the world, may you lay naked, sprawled along a golden love seat and fed fruit by the finest of oiled men😫

—😈

Enough said !!!! we love 🫶🏼🫶🏼

[cadyrocks]

Someone help me out here, I'm really struggling to understand the logic behind recent trends in mobile ads.

First, let me describe a common one, which has four screens.

The first thing that pops up is a loading screen with an ident for the playable demo. Not the thing being advertised, the engine the ad is running on. This takes a few seconds.

Then, the ad shows up, and makes you wait several seconds before presenting you with a tiny little button that lets you click it away. The "back" button on the phone does nothing. Given how small it is, it's very hard to not accidentally click on the ad and end up in the app store.

Once you click it, the playable ad ends and you get a fullscreen banner ad for the same product, again with the same tiny little button, occasionally in a different location.

Closing that gives you another different fullscreen banner ad (again, for the same product), after which you are finally permitted to leave the ad.

What is this. Why is any of this.

I'm already kind of shaky on what is trying to be accomplished with pop-up ads in other apps. You just interrupted what I was doing to show me a commercial. This does not make me want to try your product so much as it makes me want to find your head of marketing in a dark alleyway with a crowbar. That said, I'm weird, and hey - I at least get the principle of showing people ads. Maybe some folks aren't as hostile to the constant barrage of garbage shoved down all of our throats. Fair.

That said, two questions.

Firstly, why did you make the "close" button so tiny? Do the people publishing the ads get paid for accidental clicks and control the size and location of the "close" button? That would at least make some sense, even as it sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen. Is there some significant portion of your users who want to click away the ad, open up the app store by accident, and think, "Well, I wasn't interested in this before the shitty UI misread my unambiguous input, but now that I'm already here, I might as well install it"?

Secondly (and this is what really pisses me off)... You had my undivided attention for several seconds with your unskippable popup, and I decided I wasn't interested. How, exactly, do you think forcing me to close the same ad two more fucking times will make me more interested? This isn't comedy; me denying consent shouldn't have to follow the rule of threes. Am I the weird one? Is there some facet of psychology I'm not aware of they're exploiting?

(This ad, by the way, is on Grindr, so once I'm done repeatedly telling an obnoxious ad I don't want their bullshit, I can go back to the cis men in my inbox who didn't read my profile and tell them I'm not interested in seeing their dicks. I'm not sure which feels more gross and violating at this point. At least random dick pics are known to come with the territory here. 🙄)

I don't get it. I do not see any logical reason why advertisers would do this. It just seems like fucking with us for the sake of fucking with us. I can imagine reasons why the apps the ads get served on would want this (shitty reasons) but all those reasons run counter to what the advertisers would want.

So what the fuck is going on here? Genuinely, I'm at a loss.

[disgruntled-detectives]

You know. It’s extremely telling that the only two people out of the four in my leads chat at work (we have 6 but two are out today) that actually give a shit about politics and pay attention are the only two that belong to marginalized communities. The other two are cis, heterosexual, white, non disabled, Christian’s. You’d think maybe the one that is a woman would at least pay attention, but nah.

This is my surprised face. 🙄