#the other ships i care about are either just in mine or in my and my friends brains so. fucking rip honestly

[basu-shokikita]

do people like. know they can dislike a ship without blatantly lying about the dynamic itself

[another-faceless-girl]

okay trying to be coherent now. (it wont work cause its night and i cant be normal at night)

so as soon a silco meets powder he just... hugs her and accepts her willingly without any alterior motive like it would better for silco to leave powder but he doesnt because as soon as he meets her he decides that this is his daughter and he is going to keep this child.

now my father cant even accept me now. after fucking years of me trying and working my ass of for his approval he just cant be bothered i guess. but silco just does it and freaks me the fuck out. because a father!??!?! loving his daughter!?!?!?!? unconditionally!?!?!??!

and jinx is also comfortable around silco. she does his eye drops because he trusts her and she trusts him and i think my father would rather naw off his own leg than let me do that to him.

my father pretends to be a good man around other people. he loves children, hes funny hes smart hes good with his own kids and everyone believes him because who would believe me over him? hes a bad father though. a terrible father he doesnt listen to me he doesnt care about my interests and i feel like i cant tell him anything i cant do anything to make him proud. but hes still - however much I hate it - a 'good person.'

but silco is a terrible person and he doesnt even try to hide it. he hits he bribes and he doesnt care who gets in his way because he is getting what he wants if you like it or not. but around jinx hes - im not going to say good because he can do a lot better - a father to jinx and him and jinx are father and daughter no matter how fucked up it might be. he accepts he no matter because to him she is perfect even if its a rubbish concept of perfect. so silco is a terrible person and a - kinda - good father.

because i imagine when you watch it as someone who has a good relationship with your father you think silco is terrible and he is! but to me hes everything a father should be even if hes a monster. Hes protective hes caring and he trusts her he actually likes spending time with her and not just because hes her father and its a duty because he isnt jinxs father. so maybe i sound like a broken record but silco is everything i want my father to be and my father is still himself.

[godlessbody]

i love poly ships. constantly ship them. love to think about them. theoretically polly adjacent myself. but by god i have seen the worst poly ship takes in the world the last two days

[shypotatoes013-blog]

Can we fucking talk about this?

I may sound really bad when I say this but it pisses me off to no end that we can’t have this game without men crying for a male mc option or trying to erase the MC. Like no??? This game isn’t for you. The creators made it FOR AFAB PEOPLE specifically. We don’t have shit like that.

It’s always inclusivity this, inclusivity that.

There is PLENTY of BL and other games dedicated to people who enjoy that type of content. Go play it, go read it.

I used to like yaoi. I preferred it over hetero at one point but like there’s liking and then there is projecting in places and insisting everyone else get behind it. You just don’t fucking do that??

Is it really SO BAD that AFAB have something for themselves? Do you have to belittle us and erase us so badly that we just have no spaces for ourselves?

And then saying they’d have better chemistry with another man. 😭 Have you heard the secret times? Have you read the stories or the cards? They are absolutely infatuated with the female body (and I know I used female here I’m sorry but that’s what mc is portrayed as in game.)

It’s not a contest. You can like them, headcanon them with another man. You can do whatever because they’re fictional just STOP ERASING WOMEN. We are allowed to exist in media.

I’m sorry for anyone reading this. I can’t articulate this the way I want to. It just makes me so mad that we deal with so much misogynistic bullshit and can’t have anything. I don’t go around trying to assert myself in spaces that weren’t made for me and I can’t understand why this isn’t an understood concept.

Edit: Also in reblogs

I've already expressed that I did not know how to articulate at the time either and my intention is not to make enemies of anyone. I admit that I could have waited to word that better, thanks for the input. It wasn't well received by my very trans friend either, but she has corrected me on the usage of the term AFAB, amongst other things.

However, I do not care that they want or wish for representation. It's the aggressiveness that some of them exude that is off putting. It's not fair I used general and pointed language and I'll take full accountability.

The erasure is completely removing the MC from the equation when she is the central point of the game. It literally revolves around her. And it was said that she lacks chemistry and that the men would have more chemistry with another man.

Opinions are fine, but when you're deadass serious just because you can't stand to see a female with the LI, that's different and THATS what I'm talking about.

I expressed that it's fine in headcanon and fanfiction because it is fiction. I don't have an issue with that, if you'd read that instead of jumping to that conclusion. I don't give a shit that people ship them together or with other men.

I don't care that they even ship themselves, but the actual hate, and in all seriousness, in lads fandom is an actual thing. It is the lack of acknowledgment that they're (the shitheads) still coming into the fandom and demanding a front row seat because it's "not fair!"

The screens I provided aren't mine. It was sent from a friend, but this is not the first instance I have seen of this and regardless of if it was a joke, it sometimes doesn't feel that way. I could have tempered myself, but I am also tired of tempering my rage.

[princeoftheeternalbog]

OP characters reacting to you kissing them and running away (here's part 2) established relationship ish. Feel free to ask for other characters.

ALSO I've definitely seen another creator who did this idea with op characters but I can't remember who so if someone could tell me I would really love to credit them :(. I tried to make mine different but still it's the principal of it.

Slightly suggestive in some parts so mdni.

Luffy

Thinks its a new game like tag but with kisses and it ends up actually becoming one. You'll both wait for the other to become distracted and then you'll strike, planting a kiss and sprinting off around the ship or the island you're docked at. It's not hard to chase after each other because the trails of laughter are so easy to follow and it always ends up with one of you on the floor from a tackle or something similar.

Zoro

Gobsmacked. Genuinely his jaw drops especially if there's other people there and you get away so easily only because of how long it takes his brain to boot back online. Oh but he doesn't let it go. He waits until you're in a similar situation, either talking to someone or doing work and he sneaks up to pull you into a deep, intense kiss that leaves your knees weak. Like he fully puts the moves on you, hand on your lower back, other hand cradling your jaw, hes literally licking into your mouth and then he just disappears for the rest of the day. Asshole.

Sanji

You are not running away from this man. Not in a scary way but he can't do just one short kiss, as soon as you're leaning in his hands settle firm on your hips and that grip is not something you can wiggle out of. You can try to run away but he just laughs at you and pulls you closer to him, ofc he would let go if you actually wanted him to but he knows what you're trying to pull. Says something like "Oh? Trying to run darlin? How sweet." swoon- Just don't even bother, he will always try to win if your affection is involved.

Nami

Honestly thinks nothing of it. A lot of your affection is sweet but quick because yk pirate life. But if you look disappointed from her lack of reaction then she catches on quickly and starts playing along. So sweet even though she can be scary. Oh but don't try to run if she's initiating, like Sanji you aren't going to get out of her grip. If she wants to shower you with affection, she is going to thank you very much. If you do manage to slip away she's surprisingly quick and surprisingly stealthy. Like you'll think you got away and you walk into a room and she drops down from the ceiling like fucking batman.

(maybe not that dramatic but shes good)

Robin

She lets you run away but only because she knows she could summon a mouth to kiss you at any time and in any place so she's content knowing she always wins. Also thinks it's really cute when you try to rile her up like this, she just finds it so endearing and usually ends up playing into it anyways- "My, my, aren't you getting so bold my love". Sometimes will purposefully trip you up while you're doing these antics so you can't get away or so your plan is ruined, absolutely pretends she has no idea what you're talking about.

Usopp

Highly likely he was doing something when it happened. Highly likely he dropped something onto his foot as a result. Yowls like an injured cat and then when his brain catches up it's like steam comes out of his ears. Stands there with his mouth open and pointing at you like you betrayed his entire family. Very funny and very cute. Also a possibility of him smacking you out of fearful instinct in which case he'd probably cry his eyes out and beg for forgiveness. Nami makes it worse by punching him in the face for hitting you. A mess all around if you get him at the wrong time so just be careful.

Ace

Immediately sprinting after you, it's actually a bit scary. But like hey he's not letting you get away with just one measly little peck on the cheek. Absolutely nobody on the crew helps you unless it would be funny, i.e. someone tripping Ace up so he faceplants. If it's near the beginning of your relationship then you likely go back out of concern which he takes as a chance to catch you, but if it's later then you already know this man's antics and you know he wouldn't be injured just from tripping so you use it as an opportunity to get away💪. You still have to kiss it better later though when hes whining to you about how cruel you are for leaving him in the dust(he would do the same).

Izou

Don't bother. As soon as you turn he snatches you by the back of your collar and pulls you onto his lap, proceeds to resume his conversation like nothing is wrong but his arms are firm around your waist and his cheeks and ears are a particularly pretty shade of red. Once his conversation is over and the other person has left, he turns his attention to you with a very pointed look. He's not actually irritated but if he enjoys watching you squirm that's his business. "If you wanted a kiss you should've just asked my love" and then he's practically devouring your mouth. Doesn't care about the other people in the vicinity. Doesn't care that he's smudging his lipstick. Just wants to fluster you more than you flustered him.

Marco

Do you even want to run away from this man lets be real- anyways.

If he's doing work then he just laughs and lets you get away with it, tallys it in his head for later, but if he's free and hes in a good mood then he absolutely plays into it. Will chase after you. Will cheat by using his powers. Its a bit scary but also very attractive, somehow ends with him pinning you in some way (☺️), looks very smug when he wins. Like you'll end up flat on your back, legs trapped under his and his hands restraining yours and he's just grinning- "Oh what a surprise. You were so easy to catch-yoi" Yeah yeah shut up. Absolutely asks what his reward is just to see your shocked face (absolutely asks again later when you two are alone).

Sabo

VILLAIN!!!!!! Sorry only way i can describe how devious and obsessed this man would be. Like Izou he tries to snatch you immediately but you planned for this so you manage to spring out of his grip in time. You falter a bit at his reaction then because he just blinks at you for a while. You start to feel a bit nervous and when he finally grins at you, you definitely feel nervous. "Playing like that are we honey? How about I give you a headstart then?" Evil. You know he's going to catch you. He knows he's going to catch you. He's just giving you false hope but yk hope is hope so you take the chance.

You don't get far. It's not even fair how quickly he catches up to you and gets you underneath him, it takes him barely any effort, not even a strand of hair is out of place. Spends the next 10 minutes kissing you on the floor of the hallway until Koala comes back and promptly drags him back into his office.

[contamination-zone]

Just wanted to tell you that i love your Nightmare and Fresh headcanons and personalities ^_^

I love how your Nightmare is such a menace 😭, i dont necessarily enjoy when people make him dadmare (to each their own ofc), so seeing this nightmare is so reFRESHing! I love how you show us his thought process too, its seriously so interesting to see how he thinks

Your fresh too! He's such a silly goober

Seriously, chefs kiss

Thank youuu! X]]]

[Not ship] [Just, so much yammering under the cut]

I am also, ahh, not the most interested in dadmare... I prefer when he is genuinely cruel and an awful person, because I like when characters are just the worst :-][I do feel like I sand off many of the hard edges though, even still... bad habit of mine, to try and make them more palatable hehe]

Also a reason Nightmare is so interesting to me is as a tool to show more of Fresh's characterization off. Most of what I see with Fresh is either ignoring how morally grey he is, or characters helping him get "better." Nightmare though, I feel like he could really show off and feed into Fresh's worst habits.

Nightmare would do very little to make Fresh stop being so existentially terrified of death, I think he'd even feed into it or try to make it worse; its useful to him, it keeps Fresh close. Nightmare is powerful, and if Fresh is so scared all the time, it means it would want to have a strong ally to protect it.

Also the lack of regard for others/using others in self interest. Extremely self explanatory, I think they are just enjoying meals together X]

I also think Nightmare treats Fresh different to the rest of his gang; the gang is useful in what they can do For Nightmare, and only producers of negativity second. Fresh, however, would probably not be a very public ally to Nightmare, and wouldn't provide that sort of thing. His use is in his own suffering, and the suffering of the host he's inhibiting. Which means Nightmare cares less for using him in more practical ways, and more for just Keeping him.

This leads to Fresh getting more special treatment, almost akin to pampering HAHA. Nightmare needs to show that Fresh would have a better time With him than Away from him. He has to balance what he wants of the relationship with the fact that Fresh is liable to bolt if He's not providing enough to Fresh. [And I think escaping, fleeing, is one of Fresh's strong-suits.]

Also sorry gahaha, you had such lovely things to say about my nightmare interpretation, but I just went off about freshi and how he's affected by the relationship.

[cuppajj]

With this New update and info. I was wondering what are you thought on this possessiveness that shadow milk seems to have with PV. Though i don't ship shadowvanilla thé fact that many time during the update he had call him things like "mine" "my cookie" "my other-half" and many other have something interesting. And the whole "you will become me" thing, i do think he hate PV or at least the version of him that we know but at the same time he is maybe fond of him ? Maybe he sens his old self in him or had gone through similar things ?

I typed more than I thought I would lmao

So let me preface by saying that I don’t ship beast x ancient, I don’t like it (but I’m not out here planning to jump people who do), but I do like the dynamics each respective beast and ancient have. I also humor the idea of some of the beasts having unrequited attraction/possessive behavior (a la what I wrote about Burning Spice) though, and I think that what Shmilk was saying about PV definitely falls into that in a way.

I really like the use of possessive pronouns for him, but I don’t think it comes from any genuine fondness he has for PV. Shmilk has seen Pure Vanilla as a tool (or a toy, even) ever since he was a child. Any terms of endearment are fake, mocking the compassion PV has greatly cherished. He really truly does see PV as lesser, because his whole life, he was subtly molding him into a reflection of himself… yes, to the beast, PV is his, his cookie, puppet, marionette, because he did such a good job falling for every one of his tricks. He doesn’t care about Pure Vanilla, but perhaps he cares about what he represents.

It may be explored later, if it hasn’t already, but I think Shmilk is conscious of Vanilla for being so similar to him long ago. He sees himself in Vanilla, he sees the way he will progress, and as a Beast who probably loves the way he himself turned out, he’d definitely want to tempt a purely innocent cookie with the horrible truth. He’s the Lucifer to PV’s Eve, who is either trying to—or has successfully made—him bite the apple of knowledge that would plunge him into sin (corruption, which is what happened at the end of the chapter). Maybe Shmilk doesn’t believe in the purity Vanilla represents, but oh, he pities his existence because he was possibly pure himself, once. But nothing is pure for long, if purity even exists. He wants to corrupt Vanilla’s heart in the name of proving innocence is a lie. Pure Vanilla and everything good he represents is a lie, and better yet, he’s his lie. No matter how angelic he can be, Shadow Milk will be elated to witness the moment his wings tear off and he plunges back down to the sinful world he never had the chance of escaping from.

Basically, he still hates PV. He’s touting his power around, he’s annoyingly naive, he’s so insistent on believing in his fabricated reality that it’s pathetic. It’s so pathetic that it’s perfect. This is what Shadow Milk wanted, a little cookie to play with and break and torment with the weight of the world, to watch him spiral into chaos the same way he did long ago. He doesn’t care about PV, but he cares about what he is. He wants to take PV’s purity and strangle it with his strings. He wants to cradle PV’s pathetic little innocence and squeeze until it pops. He wants to hold PV’s autonomy and shatter it before his eyes, and perhaps then, the hopeless shepherd will have finally leaned that everything he believed was for the moment Shadow Milk could gleefully tear it all down. And then he’ll have nothing left, no one who exists outside of the great lie. No one but Shadow Milk, because he is who he has always belonged to, and always will be.

Do you think Shadow Milk takes solace in having broken company? imo, nah. He’s just happy he could play with a shiny little toy.

[celtrist]

Hazbin & Helluva Vs. Aromanticism

(Aka: I have a problem with the Spindlehorse team about this, not shippers.)

(Also this is mainly about Alastor but can go for Octavia and Mammon too.)

Alright, so I've cleaned up this uh... rant, to make things a little more clear hopefully. But to summarize here, this is about the team's lack of commitment when every other character is allowed full confirmation of their orientations but these (potentially) aromantic characters aren't.

While I have no beef with shippers (I think you can ship whoever with whoever you want, I ship Alastor too on occasion), there is some conversation about how the fandom might be a bit of a reason WHY they "can't" be confirmed as aro. But again, my main problem is more with the showrunners than the fandom at this point about this.

I'll also be getting into why it's "important" and the double standards against characters being aromantic.

This is not an attack, ship however way you wish (again, I do it myself). My intent isn't really to stop the shipping, that would be ridiculous. But more so to give my thoughts on why it's BS characters like Alastor can't be confirmed as aromantic when other characters are allowed confirmed orientations.

I will start off by saying I don't mind the shipping of Alastor. While it's NOBODY'S business but mine, I suppose it's important to clarify that I'm someone who does currently identify as aroace. I might be wrong but who cares, it's how I think of myself now at least to some degree (I do after all still have fictional crushes. Real-life romance is not an interest for me though, don't like 'em).

I'm gonna get what I don't think people talk about enough on both sides of being for and against shipping Alastor, and then I'll talk about the shippers as they're (I realized) not my main issue at this point.

A little history: So Alastor has been long time confirmed as an ace character. He hasn't been confirmed as being sex-repulsed or anything, but I can personally say I don't mind either flavor of him being repulsed or favorable (though I imagine the series will lean towards the former to counter everyone else's sex-favorable attitude and for jokes). This statement was initially taken VERY poorly by fans who, at the time, were shipping radiodust and radiobelle/charlastor, one more than the other. Care to take a guess which? The answer will not surprise you.

But then people realized "Oh, asexual doesn't mean he COULDN'T get with someone" and people even went further to "Being asexual doesn't mean he CAN'T have sex", both very true statements. So shipping was back on the menus boys! And his asexual was certainly blurred a bit (to the point where it wasn't even him being sex-favorable asexual as much as just not asexual, something that still happens but certainly not as bad). But overall, people were taking his canonicity as asexual with as much grace as a duck.

So here's where MY problem comes in. While I have some gripes with shippers, I had an epiphany that "Oh. It's not really the shippers I have a problem with. It's the people WRITING THE DAMN CHARACTER". Which, might I just say, is so much worst.

The shippers, while they got annoying at some points and certainly can be still, are just having fun. Because shipping just happens to be the way most people like to interact with characters in the media they're into. Hell, I am no different. I just have the misfortune of only really getting into rarepairs most of the time (curse you my bizarre tastes). I've even shipped with Alastor, I like AngelicSmile/radiojoy quite a bit.

Back on track. Now, what do I mean by my main problem being with the writers more than the fans with this? Well, queue this darling of a clip about the topic (this is the only clip I've found of the live stream, feel free to watch the whole video but just wanted the clip here).

This. Single. Clip. Infuriates me.

Vivzi, while I'm sure not meant to, pretty much implied "Alastor being aromantic and 'non-shippable' would ruin people's fun". I'm sure she meant it as a way to keep others from policing shippers (which didn't work, it still happens), it really just reads as "a character being aromantic is not a fun character". Like there's something wrong with being aro.

Not to mention some other things that would contradict this statement:

Viv in the past said "fans are allowed to ship outside character orientations", so... what makes that so different here with confirming Alastor as aromantic?

It being confirmed is not relevant to the plot. Great, so is every other orientation not relevant. Why can't Alastor be confirmed as aromantic but Vaggie can be confirmed as a lesbian or Vox bi? What does Vox being bisexual have to do with the plot? Neither is relevant to the plot, but one can be confirmed but not the other?

People were gonna ship him ANYWAY. Like, there's really no point in pretending. They were going to anyway because of the first point I already mentioned, but also people ship against canon orientations ALL THE TIME. It's just gonna happen and there's nothing wrong with that in of itself.

You've kind of just implied it's canon by not wanting to say specifically him being aromantic is canon or not. If Viv had just said "I don't wanna confirm his romantic orientation because...", then this statement would be fine and fair I suppose. But she had to call out him being aromantic specifically. And I mean, he COULD be something else (he was slated to be a couple with Mimzy originally after all), but the context doesn't seem like that would be the case. Plus, would she really feel the need to hold back from saying "Alastor is homoromantic" or biromantic or heteroroman- actually yes for that last one probably.

So riddle me this, with these points, why the FUCK would it be so wrong to confirm Alastor as a canonically aromantic icon and help get MORE REP for this very very very VERY underrepresented orientation? And I've thought of a few reasons to this, one of which being to avoid the same backlash that they got for Alastor being ace. Which, DID HAPPEN WHEN THE VOICE ACTOR AND SOMEONE ELSE ON THE SHOW CONFIRMED ALASTOR AS AROMANTIC BUT BACKTRACKED ON THE STATEMENT.

To which, fine. THAT'S on the fans (especially as no one would've complained if he was confirmed as homoromantic, which is a double standard VERY PRESENT in this fandom, but also many others quite honestly). But I can see another reason is to avoid others policing shippers about it.

Which, if that's the case, shit luck it's happening anyway.

To cower away from this orientation because of fans being upset says a lot, both about the fans and the creators. There is a whisper of "Alastor isn't allowed to be aromantic". That "being aro isn't allowed or appreciated".

We live in a world that at this point has a lot more lgbtq+ characters than ever before. At this point, there's just a lot of gay/lesbian and bi characters, and that's wonderful. But, there's barely a handful of aroace characters. And when they are, nobody wants to pay attention to that part of the character. So why can't the deer man be aromantic? I would imagine it would honestly make things a little better ship wise because ship wars wouldn't occur seeing as, well, there's no ship to be fought for. None of them could be canon.

So you might see where I'm leading into this, but I can only really think of one real reason Alastor being aromantic just "can't be confirmed" where as everyone else's orientations can be.

His popularity. Like, that's weird but walk with me here. Alastor is the most popular character in the fandom. There's honestly no denying it, he just is. And what do people do with the most popular character?

THEY SHIP THEM OFF IN A LOVEBOAT.

But wait, if he's aromantic, he can't be on a love boat. THIS IS BS-

And then... the outcry. And we HAVE seen this happen. I mentioned before, he was stated to be aromantic on two occasions by two people who work on the show, one of which is his voice actor (which I'll be fair, I personally don't think VAs always know the characters they play the best, that's the writers). But they had to backpedal because people DID complain. People WERE upset. So it's kind of shown just aromantism isn't really welcomed, at the very least not for a character like Alastor.

And that's the key: "Not for a character like Alastor". But if it were say, Niffty or Mimzy who are either overlooked or just not very popular, THEN it's probably more than okay for a character to be aromantic. Because no one wants to ship with them much, so they can be aromantic all they want.

AKA. The aro community is allowed the scraps but not the dinner.

At this point, you've probably noticed I switched gears from the creators to the fans because I DO think they could be a reason why Alastor "can't" be confirmed as Aromantic. I'll give credit, I'm pretty sure it's mainly on twitter and wouldn't be surprised if it was a "loud minority" thing going on, but the people have spoken. They vehemently cannot STAND the idea of Alastor being aromantic.

But I don't have a problem with these people quite honestly- I mean I kinda do, but my main issue is the lack of commitment when the other characters are allowed confirmed orientations. Why can't aromantic people get confirmed rep? Because "it'll ruin people's fun?" That's such a crappy reason because it's just saying being aro is bad on some level or isn't okay. Why can't the aromantic community get the dinner this ONE TIME? It's one character in a pool of many others that are canonically gay or bi, so why can't the aro community have this ONE popular character?

I'm not even asking for people to stop shipping him, I think that's perfectly FINE. It wouldn't change the canon. I'd appreciate more LOVE given to the aromantic identity (and I'm talking about the far end of it, so absolutely NO interest in romance as many have used aro Alastor but it still comes off as just normal shipping, but that's just me). There's such a double standard to the treatment of aromantic characters to the other characters in these shows (because Octavia and Mammon are in the same boat here), and the reasons given are so crappy that they sound more like off-hand excuses.

Again, I don't MIND people shipping Alastor, or Octavia, or Mammon who is randomly shipped with Adam the most. Let me repeat:

YOU. ARE. ALLOWED. TO. SHIP. THESE. CHARACTER.

But what I have a problem with is that these characters aren't allowed to be OFFICIALLY aromantic. How would it feel if this was a gay character? That they didn't want to confirm it but there's been indications with past statements and even in-universe stuff indicating so? I WANT Viv and her team to STICK with what route they were gonna go with.

And some might argue "what's so bad with nothing being confirmed?" Other than the fact every other character's orientations are allowed confirmation and Viv's crappy way of putting it in not confirming anything. There's, by all technicalities, nothing wrong.

However, if I may pose a counter, why is it fair for people to demand or ask for gay representation or confirmation but not aromantic? Because it's "not ruining anything"? If that's the case, I'm inclined to say that may be a bit aphobic. Because how is it that a character being aromantic can "ruin" the character or something, but a character being gay DOESN'T "ruin" the character. It's a double standard that I don't think most people realize or want to say because you don't want to be dissing on gay stuff.

But WAKE UP SHEEPLE. The gay stuff has PLENTY of things by this point. Whether through fan works or official media, it is growing and it is growing rapidly. And we should be HAPPY about that. But alternatively, Aromantic (and asexual) rep BARELY gets any attention in either fan works or official media. People would be UPSET if a ship like Angel Dust X Vaggie or Stolas X Verosika got into one of the top most popular ships. But Alastor? Nah, it's fine.

Again, while I don't mind the shipping itself, hopefully, you can understand how it might feel to see one of the most popular ships involve a character that goes against their orientation and it's YOUR orientation. It doesn't. Feel. Great.

And not everyone who ships Alastor even would LIKE him to end up with who they ship. Some people just like it staying in fanon. I have met SO MANY nice people who ship Alastor with characters that I personally don't really like him shipped with. But it's clear that I don't think THEY'D mind if he was confirmed aromantic because it doesn't change their life. They'll still keep shipping him because that's fun for them and that's FINE. People explore themselves through characters with confirmed orientations and they don't always line up with canon, and that's FINE. I don't think people should be policed on shipping with the deer man, they're just having fun. Would I appreciate a little more love for the aro identity? Sure (I mean just look at Alastor's ship weeks activeness vs. his aro week activeness), but if that's not how people have fun they shouldn't be forced to do stuff with it.

But Alastor being seemingly "not allowed" to be confirmed as aro has set a precedent that there's something wrong with being aromantic. And personally, it makes me feel a tad unwelcomed sometimes.

It's the precedents. Again, why is every other character's orientation allowed to be confirmed but Alastor's isn't? What is so wrong with him being aromantic? Hell, he might not even BE aromantic. But at least I'd KNOW instead of floundering around hoping upon a star for some aromantic representation.

It's okay to be gay but- WHOA HOLD YOUR HORSES THERE. WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO PUT A PAUSE IN THAT ARO BUSINESS YOU GOT THERE.

A character's worth is in how shippable they are. And if they're aromantic, they're not shippable. And unfortunately, there are just enough people to throw a hissy fit about it that Viv doesn't want to confirm it.

Because apparently being aromantic would "ruin" things.

[maxx-the-queer]

Been thinking about potential Inquisition and Veilguard ships ever since a mutual of mine posted abt Lucanis x Cassandra, and tbh there's a few that intrigue me

Blackwall x Neve (she would have him utterly figured out. He'd be so taken by her aaaa)

Josephine x Emmrich (He's the pinnacle of charm, she's the picture of grace and courtly competence, they'd be unstoppable together)

The Iron Bull x Bellara (She needs someone to get her out of her own head, he needs someone intellectual and who he can take care of.)

Cullen x Davrin (I can't explain why, I just feel it in my bones)

Sera x Taash (Chaos queers. Either mellow each other out or they both become more chaotic)

[literallythegrabber]

TBP characters x somehow famous reader ? ( It's up to you how ) thank you for reading my request 👍

so I wasn't sure whether or not you wanted the cast or the characters themselves, so I just went with cast because it made more sense.

If you wanted characters I can redo it! 💗💗 (this looks way longer than it actually is btw)

Mason

he definitely stalks you

like not in a creepy way, he's just always on your social platforms, literally waiting for you to post.

he's totally your biggest fan, and will literally attempt to fight all of your haters.

Before your relationship, I feel like he was very nervous to talk to you.

Like if you two were ever at a screening together, or a fancy event back when TBP was popular, this man would legit stare you down from across the room. Then proceed to duck under a table if you catch him staring.

But during your relationship he would be way more relaxed and confident.

He would be chill about pda and taking you on dates in public, but your fanbase would be doing cartwheels, cause everybody ships yall.

Miguel

He's so obvious about his crush on you that it's hilarious.

If you seen those lives where he's just reading comments, then one mentions your name. He's gonna ramble on about you for the rest of the live.

WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT YOU, and his friends are tired of it tbh.

bro literally forgets he's famous too and turns into the ultimate fangirl.

But during your relationship he's so sweet.

Always wanting to hangout with you, taking you out in public almost every day.

If yall ever broke up, yalls fans would explode.

They be acting like yalls children with how lovey dovey yall are.

Brady

I feel like he'd try to hide it.

Like he's not in denial, but he don't want nobody knowing about his crush on you.

"conceal, don't let it feel" he's literally elsa.

He kinda keeps to himself around you, in public and all that.

He wouldn't want to overwhelm you, especially with how the media reacts when two popular human beings get together.

So you'd def have to approach him and ask for a date.

During your relationship, he would thaw the ice a bit.

You'd have to reassure him of your relationship a lot.

He just wants you to be comfortable. Lazy nights at home, introverted hangouts, cooking together.

Pretty chill.

Tristan

literally the opposite of brady.

IS YOUR BIGGEST FAN AND DOESN'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT.

He's definitely trying to rizz you up at a fancy event, and you're just like 😐

Like whispering random shit in your ear, trying to make you blush, posing with you at every opportunity.

Kinda annoying tbh

But if you give him a chance he'll tone it down. He'll start be more genuine and less flirty.

Taking you out to dinner, not wanting to take pictures with fangirls even though you scold him for being rude.

def starts arguments with you for fun. Starting light hearted arguments with you for fun.

this mf is still annoying.

but overall very cute.

Jacob

He's honestly pretty chill about you.

He just casually approaches you strikes up conversation.

In the middle of an interview? "These lights are bright, am I right y/n?" Talking with a fan? "Y/n, don't you have that same shirt?" Signing an autograph? "Do you think aliens are real?"

like shut up 😭

He really just enjoys talking to you, hearing your voice is the highlight of his day.

Yall would ease into a comfortable friendship before he ask you out.

From there on its late night ft calls, stealing each other's clothes, and going on casual excursions.

def the easiest to date.

Madeleine

She's so funny.

Either confesses right off the bat, or confirms you're hers after yall lock eyes.

kinda reminds me of that one audio, YOU ARE MINE, YOU ARE MINE.

Yall could be talking about pregnant hyenas, and she'll randomly be like, "I love you".

like girl what?

During your relationship she would be super cute.

Yall always out together. You can never catch her inside for more than 10 minutes.

Mason be feeling like a third wheel every time yall three are in the same room.

Yall just in the corner flirting and mason's just sitting there like 😐.

def your hype girl, yall always turning up.

srry, this was so long 💗💗

[dangermousie]

The Glory (2025) - final verdict

For those who don't want to read the whole thing, short version: has its issues but overall would recommend.

Now, you may go "but Mousie, you ranted so much recently, really? What changed?" Two things - (1) I adjusted genre expectations and (2) after the nadir of eps 20-25, I found 26-end quite solid and much more to my liking (they moved on from random side characters and back to core relationships; it also helped enormously that FL again started caring for someone(s) who are alive - concubine, stepkid, husband etc.) The drama never returned to true obsession levels of first half for me but it finished well.

Anyway, moving on...

Visually, this drama remained GORGEOUS throughout. I can forgive a lot to a drama this beautifully shot; the look is even more impressive when you know it didn't have a large budget.

The acting was also solid - Chen Duling slowly but steadily went from "oh her ugh" to "oh her yay" for me with every drama and this is no exception. I don't think I'd want to be friends with Hanyan and I don't necessarily like her as a person, but she was wonderfully acted (in addition to being solidly written about which more below.) It was very much her show and the rest, ML included, were basically supporting characters and she carried it off.

The plot was...not great. This writer wanted to get from point A to point B without caring much about the route (Royal Consort's basically offscreen-plotted downfall that took five minutes total is a particular lowlight but the dad's apparently incredible powers - how is he not the prime minister with those skills - were also not great.) But not every drama can be Joy of Life or The Advisors Alliance and compared to something like e.g., Si Jin or Brocade other recent grrlpower dramas, the plot of this one was quite good.

The villain was a weakness because it's boring to have a true sociopath with no complexity or weakness or anything. I suspect the writer just saw him as a stand-in for the patriarchy all these women needed to defeat (the heavy-handed message of this drama was very) but still - a little complexity would help. I do think the men overall were an afterthought in this - the women were all well thought through and whether you liked them or not, logical results of their relationships and circumstances, the men (even the ML) not so much. They were all the equivalent of busty girls in a shounen anime. I do think this is a failure of writing - you can have one-gender focused stories that still make the other appear real people (Joy of Life female characters and Legend of Zhen Huan male characters all feel like real people) but it's honestly not a cardinal sin here since the focus WERE the women and they were written well so I didn't feel the lack most of the time (if only supportings are written meh, it's forgivable.) But the female characters were all intriguing and the story took many of them places I did not expect (the concubine and her daughter? OMG about both of them.)

I ended up buying the ship because they do fit together (and would one really inflict either of these violent schemers on a "normal" person?) but if you want a romance-centric drama, this is obviously not for you. Interestingly, while I ended up liking them and shipping them, I was not rabid the way I thought I'd be and the lack of focus is not really the reason - I was RABID about Kill My Sins protags as a couple and they never even said I Love You let alone kiss or anything. But that's probably because in addition to just preferring LSS x Shawn as actors (they are both huge faves of mine), that drama was a true dual protagonist story - they both were mains in their own lives and narratives which occasionally intersected and were allowed great and equal complexity and life outside the narrative which made me more invested. FYX was hot and psycho and angsty which I love in a fictional man, but he never felt truly fleshed out outside the narrative and interactions/meaning to Hanyan.

I loved loved loved how uncompromisingly bleak this world was and how the characters all stepped in the muck and stayed there (for once, people with trauma did not miraculously come across as saintly and chirpy) and how there were second chances for characters who'd normally not get them (the concubine and her daughter) and how both FL and ML (and concubine etc) did things that I morally disapproved of or that (more shockingly) censors should disapprove of yet it made sense in character and, totally unexpectedly, they were not punished with death by the narrative because people are complex and outcomes are complex and and and.

I also loved that Fu Yunxi was married before and banged his first wife and seems to have liked her. Thank you!!!! (Seeing some peeps on mdl/twitter trying to bend themselves into pretzels to preserve a period adult man's virginity for FL was...well.) I loved that he was a random war orphan, no secret noble identity. I loved that lesbian pirate got to live and hopefully will come back to FL someday. I loved that the happiness at the end was "for now" but sufficient.

Anyway, this is going on and on and on so I am gonna stop on saying I adored that this was a dark story that has been so sadly absent from recent sunshine cdramas and that it had real danger and stakes. It became a surprise hit and I really do think it shows there is hunger for these types of stories; hopefully producers will take note. And I love that the protags were allowed to do all that and yet get a happy ending. That is so so so rare and so so so appreciated.

[allfearstofallto]

Nice

Yandere childe x reader

1.7k

Synopsis: He'll buy you absolutely anything your heart desires, but he longs for you to describe things as more than just "nice"

TW: Yandere, abusive themes, bribery, NSFW themes, toxic relationship, Dub-Con

AN: I haven't written in FOREVER so forgive me if it's not awesome or if it feels incomplete. My last account got shadow banned :(, doesn't help that I was already pretty depressed before that. No time for sob stories here, it's been two years since I've written anything and I miss writing, thanks for joining me!

Gems that dazzled and gleamed stars in the night sky, silver that was carved painstakingly from the mines in Liyue, an appearance that was beautiful, but still kept up with the most current fashion trends. He had truly outdone himself with this one, this has to be the one that would take your breath away. The one that would make you leap into his arms and pepper his face with kisses from your sweet lips that he rarely got the chance to taste.

When it came to gifts for you, there was no price tag. Childe would spend every mora he had if it meant he could even get a smile out of you and spend he often did. Money meant nothing to him, being a Fatui harbinger, his paychecks were larger than he knew what to do with. After sending money back home to his family, he still had so much left and nothing that he longed for other than your affection. So, why not spend it on something else he cared about?

Your eyes ghosted over the ring he was showing you, encased in a black velvet box with red satin holding it up. It wasn’t an engagement ring, he’d assured you of that multiple times after you were taken aback by him holding it up to you. He knew you weren’t ready for that just yet, and he was willing to respect your wishes, but he still wanted to give you something to wear on that pretty little finger to show that you were his while you waited for the real deal. Your engagement ring would be much, much larger than the one he was gifting you now and it would incorporate details from both of your home countries.

The expression on your face was unreadable. It wasn’t quite a grimace, but it wasn’t a smile either. It was the usual face you made when you were given something. An equal mixture of discomfort and unease. “It’s…nice.” you mumbled quietly as he slipped the ring onto your finger.

There was that word again. Nice. It made him sick to his stomach every time he heard it fall from your pretty lips. But that was always what you said about his gifts, as if you couldn’t think of another word to describe how you felt about them. Rare spices imported from Sumeru? Nice. A custom hanfu made from only the finest silk to wear to the lantern rite? Nice. Wine aged for almost a decade and shipped straight from Mondstadt? Very nice.

You spoke that one word, but even then it felt like you were straining yourself to say that much. On multiple occasions, your displeasure with receiving such expressive gifts was expressed, but he told you that that didn’t matter. Mora was just an object to him, something that held no value, and yet you still held each gift as if they would collapse under your touch.

“You can tell me if you don’t like it,”

“No!” you quickly retorted back, holding your hand up to examine the ring once more, “Its…” you purse your lips to stop yourself from saying the word, knowing that he would only be upset with your lack of what he considered to be a proper answer, “I like it.”

With a sigh and a dramatic slump of his shoulders, he reached up and cupped your face. His hand felt like solid ice against your cheek. Childe often claimed that that was another thing he loved about you so much. How warm your body was in comparison to himself. He told you that when he someday took you to Snezhnaya to meet his family, you would be his personal heater, that he wouldn’t let you go for even a second during the duration of your stay there.

“You don’t even wear the earrings I got you anymore,” Childe’s long fingers traced from your cheek to the lobe of your ear, grazing the empty hole where jewelry would go.

“You know I can’t wear those at work,”

“Then quit your job,” He spoke those words so quickly, with no hesitation, a part of you was convinced you imagined it. But you working was a constant conflict of interest between the two of you, something you’d even argued about before.

The situation grew heated that day. Both of you, yelling back and forth about what you thought was right. You remembered seeing his eyes glow at the same time as his vision that rested on his hip, making your stomach drop. Childe would never hurt you, would he? But even you didn’t know the answer to that, you could never be too sure about what was going on in the mind of a harbinger. So you backed down slightly, telling him that it was something you would consider, and that answer sufficed with him for the time being.

“Childe-”

“Ajax,” he cut you off. He hated when you used his codename, claiming that as his future wife, you alone should be allowed to call him by his given name.

“Ajax," you exhaled harshly after speaking his name, "I really would like to work and be independent,”

For just the briefest of moments, his eyes went dull, his smile fell, his facade faltered and he was his true self. It only lasted for less than a second, the average person might not have even seen it, but you’d spent so much time with him. You knew his tells. You knew that even though he was smiling again, it was completely fake. He was angry, even if the gleam in his eyes didn't show it.

A cold kiss was pressed against your cheek, just a peck to get his point across. When he pulled away, still making eye contact, he was still so close that you could feel his shallow breath on your skin. He squatted down slightly to meet your eyes and whispered against your lips, “I don’t plan to let my wife work. Why don’t you quit now, have a little practice before we’re wed?”

He said that as a suggestion, but you knew it wasn’t one. With Childe there were only orders and threats, nothing in between. You had no choice on whether or not you’d get to work, on whether or not you got to live alone, on whether or not you married him. In his eyes, you were already his, and there was absolutely nothing you could do about it.

A lump was caught in your throat as you tried to figure out what to say. Could you even tell him that the prospect of marrying him was something that seldom crossed your mind? Something that even when you did think about, it brought a twinge of fear into your heart. That on multiple occasions, you considered leaving him, but your unease around him was what was making your stay.

“I…” you finally met his gaze as you tried to force words out of your tense body. His eyes felt so cold and the hand that he had managed to snake its way down onto your shoulder was gripping your flesh tightly. It was a warning that what you said next would matter, “I should just-”

“You should quit,” he spoke the last part of the sentence for you, not caring about what you truly wanted to say.

Eyes turned downcast, you gave a slow nod. There wasn’t much of a choice with him anymore, he was hellbent on that being your answer. He had given you an order, if you didn’t react the way he wanted you to, you would regret it.

The grip that was on your shoulder loosened, exhibiting that you had pleased him and another kiss was placed on your cheek as a reward. This time his lips touched just below your eyes, where tears were threatening to fall, “That’s my girl,” another peck right against your lips, “How about I buy you something special, huh? For being so good.”

You swallow slowly, trying to keep yourself from falling apart in front of him, clenching and unclenching your fist as a way to self soothe. Your voice was shaky as you delivered your stiff answer, “Sure. That sounds lovely.”

“How about a new pair of earrings,” he followed this up by lightly biting the side of your ear, “or maybe a new necklace,” you felt his warm tongue slide down from your ear to your collarbone, making all the hairs on your body stand up, “Or maybe even a new dress,” he spoke into your neck, his hand reaching down and trying to slide the dress you were wearing up your thigh, exposing your your bare skin to the air.

You jolted your body backwards, your hands placed against his chest in an attempt to keep the distance between the two of you. He was moving so fast. Too fast. Even though it had been a while since you and him had last been intimate, for him to try it again so suddenly was worrisome.

You didn’t dare look at his face. There was no doubt about it that he was upset at your response to his touch, he never liked when you rejected him. The hand that was placed against him, was taken into his. The way he held you was gentle, but you could still feel force behind his movement. The thumb of his hand traced the back of your palm as he held you, before lifting it up and placing a kiss against it. Right on your finger, right on the very expensive ring he’d just bought you, almost as a way to draw your attention to it once more.

“What’s gotten into you? Hm?” he had an eyebrow cocked and a grin on his face, “Pushing me away like that after I got you something so precious? You’re going to hurt my feelings.”

“I just don’t think I’m in the mood for this right now,” you mumbled, switching between looking at your dress you were fiddling with and his borderline unblinking eyes.

Silence fell over the two of you, to the point where you could hear your own heart beat, the sound of blood pumping in your ears, the sound of his breaths that were slightly heavier than normal. Childe was rarely quiet. It was hard to get him to keep his mouth shut. In a way his anger was scaled based on how loud he was, the quieter, the worse.

His large hand came into your sight again, making you flinch about what was coming ahead, but rather than being struck, he used his thumb to trace your lips, “Figure something out.”

[bernardsbendystraws]

Although people can say and post whatever they want, I will be talking about this to clear things up. 

ONE – virtually stabbing someone isn’t a real thing. That statement was also directed mostly towards one of my professors who was questioning me about my disability accommodations. It was a lot of back and forth and they were asking illegal questions. I don’t exactly know how to respond to that so I went and vented on my account with a joke. 

TWO – I do not steal dividers. Even in the screenshots posted, you can see they are different. Mine is centered and closer together. Yes, we did use the same PNG, but that’s not an odd occurrence since most people find theirs on pinterest and whatnot. I use Canva and a lot of their pre-made elements since I pay for the app. Anything that would need credit wouldn’t let you download, there’s nothing to be talked about other than the fact we both used the same PNG. 

THREE – Saying I only like one person doesn’t mean I hate someone else. Point blank. I’m allowed to vent on my own account. I don’t do it much anymore for a reason and it’s because of this – I hate how people twist my words. I never said I hated anyone.

FOUR – I’ve only re-blocked one person after having a conversation with them. At first, I thought they were using me for inspiration without credit. That got cleared up, but they also have eerily similar posts to some of my friends too. After finding this out, I realized they can say any words they want. I don’t have an obligation to let anyone have access to my account and it was for my own personal well-being because I felt paranoid. 

FIVE – I can block anyone I want. Again, I have no obligation to keep my account accessible to everyone. I’ve never blocked someone for dividers. I’ve even unblocked some accounts because they’ve been respectful about things. When someone goes and starts making up rumors and spreading lies all because of a block, I know I made the right decision. Hence why they’re not unblocked. I’ve blocked people for posting triggering content, acknowledging rumors and hate on me, a pattern of inspiration use without credit, clogging tags, and posting content I don’t wanna see (a lot was indirect posts being made towards me). I have no obligation to keep my account accessible to everyone. If I had less followers, no one would care who I block. It’s an unfair argument to say I’m not allowed to block anyone who infringes on my personal peace. 

SIX – The joke I made was a JOKE. I was not actually shipping Matt and Chris IRL. You do not by any means have to find it funny, but there are people truly shipping the two and writing smut of them together. I made a joke—one I’ve heard echoed from their own channel. They encourage these types of jokes by making them themselves. I would take it down and apologize if they genuinely got disgusted with the statements being like — “Okay, Chris (or whoever) – I’m uncomfortable with these jokes and they’re getting taken out of hand with the fandom.” Simple as that. One statement from them and the joke would be taken down. They still do currently make these jokes. It’s not even just one of them doing it either. But, if they were to say “we don’t like these jokes,” I’d stop. They specifically didn’t want people shipping them. I���m not shipping them. 

SEVEN – I don’t control what other people do or say on my behalf. I wasn’t aware of certain people even making some statements and honestly I found it hurtful. I vented to someone and no hate to them at all, but they got defensive over me seeing a DM from an account telling me really vulgar things. It’s unfair to make someone else’s words my own. Especially if I’m unaware of it and hurt by it myself. 

[ganxiously]

Okay a lot of you keep worrying about the future and that is just unvibing my vibe over here. So we are just going to go over a few things right now so that the collective panic doesn't boil over sometime soon -

Tommy gets reintroduced in 8.11 and not directly during the two-parter - As I have said earlier in this post, for the reconciliation to seem believable, they need to show us the story on both sides. Buck's view is okay if he's moving on but if they're getting back together, they need to show us what Tommy is feeling. And they need to show us both of them want to get back together. Which is exactly what the show has done.

Tommy having screentime in an episode other than the two-parter - Don't know about you but if Tommy was going to leave, they just wouldn't have bothered with this hook-up plot. Even if you argue that it might have been a treat to appease the fans, the backlash would now be even greater than what happened after 8.06. ABC would be very rightfully accused of deliberately messing with the fans. So if he was going to leave, his appearance would have been akin to Abby's - a brief sighting during the emergency and then a final scene of resolution.

The context of the fight - I know a lot of you don't like what they have done but this is literally killing two birds with one stone. Now this isn't Breaking Bad or something of that level so you can't expect too much from them but you have to understand that the only reason they would ever try to 'close the door' on Buddie would be if Buck's endgame was in sight and they don't want anything from the fandom threatening it. If Buck was still going to be on the hamster wheel, they would have had Buck be vague and hesitant so as to keep the ship around as a future possibility. Which they could then use to bait the fans in order to drive up engagement for upcoming seasons. (if you think buddie has a chance, take a look at this post of mine)

They are adding more and more meat to Tommy's character - I had said a long time ago that season 8 was going to turn Tommy into everyone's little meow meow. It didn't pan out in 8a but here we are finally in 8b. Tommy before yesterday was this cool, sarcastic guy who was maybe a bit jealous of the 118 and he clearly cared about Buck but not enough to risk his heart. One could also say he was a bit biphobic. Today Tommy is a lonely 40-year old gay guy who was at a bar alone so he probably doesn't have any friends. What friends he made in 118, dropped him after the break up. He is deeply insecure and has probably zero self-worth so much so that he spent six months expecting that his bf would leave him any day for his best friend. And he loves Buck so fucking much that he was ready to try again and take what he could until someone better or Eddie arrived. After all that I dare you to tell me this episode was not specifically intended for us to become ride or die for Tommy. The audience is no longer hoping for Buck's happiness but also Tommy's and that would be a dumb thing to encourage after all the complaints filed against the show with ABC.

Eddie is coming back and will need his house - So far there is no reason to believe Eddie is going to leave permanently so assuming he's coming back with Christopher, he will want his house back. It would look pretty idiotic to have Buck stay in that house and give Eddie a new one. More idiotic would be to have Buck move into a new bachelor pad because then what was the fucking point when you already had a set built of his previous apartment. Add in even more idiocy and you would expect them to be roommates but the house doesn't have anymore spare rooms so is Buck going to stay on the couch and sell off all his stuff? The only narratively logical choice is either Buck moves back to his own loft which would be so weird like was it just sitting empty and then where is the life altering change that was supposed to happen or solving every problem out there, he moves in with Tommy.

The narrative in the show itself - I am begging you to forget for a minute that buddie as a ship, the buddie fandom and the journalists exist and that you are being 24/7 bombarded by their opinions. You need to forget all of that and judge the story for itself and you'll see that things aren't as hopeless as you are expecting it to be.

Ps: There are also people who think that the buddie thing will cast a permanent shadow on BuckTommy and for them, I'd like to again point out that had this been a real issue, Eddie would have been here. The fact that they're doing this when he's not is because this is a Tommy issue. Tell me you have never been insecure about something that you don't fully believe in and merely clung onto as a scapegoat. The person Tommy is insecure about is himself but the fact that he is not enough just because he is himself is too painful so what is the next best thing? Making himself believe that of course he is could never be enough, not when Eddie is there, who has history with Buck and can offer him a readymade family. Trust me when I say if Eddie had not been in the equation, there would have been some unknown person to bear that brunt.

So yeah while there is like a 10% chance that Tim will do something crazy, logically there is only one direction everything seems to be pointing to. Hope this helps and thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

[glassmarine]

count the creased lines

The very nature of the relationship is most certainly selfish. It operates on your terms, it runs on his constant, knowing capitulation. MDNI!

ship: fetus!alex, alex turner x reader, alex turner x you, high school hook-ups

warnings: munching & fucking, undefined relationship, a LOT of internal suffering on alex's part here, teenage angst

word count: 6422

note: so i know he went to barnsley and that's in the city but 1. it doesnt work for the narrative 2. i dont care. this is very heavily normal people inspired btw. ummm also i didnt really edit this xoxo might edit later we'll see !

You always find Alex after school, waiting behind the fence marking the end of the campus and the start of the sprawling field that gently grows into rolling hills into the green countryside. It’s a hot summer this year. The tall grass is bleached, and the stones on the footpath you two have paved for yourselves are bone-dry.

Alex is always waiting after school. You never wait for him because he always takes the initiative to slip out of class as quickly as possible to wait for you. He doesn’t wait for you in the halls, and he tells himself that he prefers it that way, really, because he doesn’t much enjoy the noise and chatter of other people.

You walk up the path to the old sycamore tree. You can see Alex sitting on the fat bough, pressing his back against the bark and looking up at the sky.

“Hi,” you say. “You sure do look busy. Should I go? I don’t wanna bother.”

His head lolls to the side when he looks at you. “Hello to you too.”

Your playful attitude doesn’t earn a significant reaction, but he does decide to sit up and slip off the bough, landing on the ground with a thud. The spot where his feet land is nearly naked with flattened grass. This is his favourite place to wait. Alex looks around to see if anyone is watching, and when he is satisfied by his observation, he crosses the space between your bodies and kisses you.

“Hello, hello,” you say against his mouth. “We should probably go home.”

It’s a very good kiss, as it always is. Even better is the way you speak against his mouth, which makes Alex feel very warm—if you continue to do it while kissing for even longer, he almost begins to feel lightheaded with pleasure at the way your lips move against his lips.

“We could,” Alex says, and he kisses you again, his hand finding your hip, slipping under the hem of your dress-code-appropriate uniform blouse. The sun beams down through the trees, and Alex thinks you look like you’re literally glowing. “Did you find maths hard today?”

“No.”

“Of course not.”

You and Alex cut through the field, wading through the tall grass. He takes your bag and slings it over his shoulder. You take his hand and snap a stalk of wheatgrass and tickle the back of his neck with it, which he complains about for a little while until he takes it from your hand and kisses you very hard until you’re all out of breath and all you can do is look at him for a little bit after, blinking slowly. And when he does this, he always gives you a very smug, narrow-eyed sort of look, as if asking well? what now?

“My parents won’t be home ‘til Sunday afternoon,” you tell him once you two are back to walking and your hand is ensnared between his fingers so you can’t mess with him again, “So we can just stay at mine as long as you want, really.”

“Oh,” he says. “That’s convenient.”

There’s no matter of going out on dates between you two. What do you do, really? You go to either or’s house, and then you have sex, and you talk a lot—talk too much—and then you don’t say anything to each other at school the next day. It’s a very easy sort of situation. Alex justifies this to himself because he doesn’t really have the money to take you out anywhere you deserve and besides, you’re not complaining about this arrangement.

The sketched trajectory of this relationship has never gone past the bounds of last week, today, and tomorrow, even if it’s really been going on for months and months. By the time you two really thought about it (independently, of course), it felt a little too late to ask if either of you no longer wanted to keep it discreet. Besides, neither of you are particularly showy people. It works, doesn’t it? Alex thinks so. He hopes so in an attempt to convince himself just as much as he hopes it convinces you.

“I’m sure you could stand to show a little more enthusiasm.”

Alex looks at you, smiling. There is a slight breeze and a bit of his hair sticks up and you desperately want to smooth it down, to touch him. “I am enthusiastic. You know, later, I’ll show you.”

You stick your tongue out at him and you carry on walking, tugging on his arm jerkily. He yelps. “You’re unbelievable. You were waiting to say that, weren’t you?”

“It was easy, very easy...”

—

It’s utterly unbelievable to Alex that other people aren’t madly in love with you. Or at least completely infatuated, but he’s fairly certain that you don’t strip for anyone else like this, that you don’t strip for anyone else at all. It’s not even a big deal. Here you are, at the foot of your bed across him, tugging your skirt off for him—well, he is inclined to think it’s for him—and leaving the top half of the buttons of your school blouse undone. It’s really all you manage to do before Alex leaps up from his spot on the bed and says, “Come here.”

You merely smile and acquiesce, crawling on the bed over to him and letting him kiss you full on the mouth in the clumsy, eager way he does when he’s hard far too quickly and far too soon.

“I can’t believe you,” he says nonsensically.

“Can’t believe what?”

“You,” he repeats with an underlying tone of awe.

Alex is always fascinated by you, even when you begin to annoy him by your prodding and poking (only ever in private), your mellow takes on offences towards him by people at school (only ever in private), and your temperature pet peeve that has you refusing to set any thermostat to something that isn’t a multiple of five (only ever in private). He finds it odd that you keep these aspects of yourself so tightly compressed in yourself with everyone else when it is utterly fascinating, but he isn’t complaining. He sort of likes the privacy of it, that some things remain for him alone to witness, but he cannot fathom the idea that other people may find all this strange and distasteful. Strange, alright—but distasteful? Certainly not.

His hands wander into your shirt, slipping past the undone buttons as his mouth wanders from your mouth to your cheek, and then your jaw then he moves all day down to the middle of your neck and he licks a line from there up to your jaw again like a starving dog.

“That feels funny,” you say.

“You always say that,” Alex murmurs.

Sometimes he worries he’s crazy, or that there’s something wrong with him. He sometimes reflects on the possibility that it’s strange to want to lick or bite or taste other people, even if it’s the sort of thing his mates joke about. He wants it desperately with you, he cannot imagine wanting the tang of anyone’s skin or sweat in his mouth. The thought of anyone else’s dead skin cells in his mouth is disgusting, but yours seems okay. It almost feels like a shameful thing. When he is with you, there exists a persistent desire to unfold you like origami and count the creased lines as if to understand what makes you so terribly desirable when you are merely made of yourself and nothing else.

You straddle his lap and grind down onto his already very hard cock and the sensation of it is so extreme he feels like he might faint. “Fuck.”

“That’s what you want, isn’t it?”

“Amongst other things.”

He unbuttons the rest of your blouse and all but tears it off you and his mouth wanders lower to your breast. You can sense his temptation to bite over your bra. “Don’t,” you say warningly.

“In my defence,” he starts, muffled as he kisses your skin and slips one strap down your shoulder, and then the other, “I didn’t know I could ruin it by biting too hard. Last time.”

“Now you know, don’t do it again.”

“You always give me whatever attitude is left over from school,” he points out as he reaches back and tugs on the clasp. “Fuck, I still can’t get these bloody things off—”

You reach back to unclasp it while his mouth is still on your chest, and he nudges the top of the cup with his nose before taking your nipple between his lips, scraping it with his teeth. Your moan comes out as a whimper. Your hands tremble, and the bra falls to your lap, sitting between your bodies.

“You’re like an angel who does impossible things. I can’t believe you,” he says, and he touches your eyelids and your mouth, pinching your nipples with his fingers, “Even if you had eyes here, I’d probably still want you. You’d blind me, alright, but as long as I can touch you…”

You laugh and you grip his hair by the roots, leading his head to your breast. Obviously, he follows.

He always says the strangest, most unacceptable sort of things you’d slap someone else for. There is the obvious sex talk you’d report someone for if you weren’t having sex at all, but he says things like this that make you twitch with laughter and want because he always sounds so honest about it. Who else is going to call you a biblically-correct angel and want you anyway?

His cleverness comes with the territory of being disliked for it. He’s not universally hated or anything like that but most people at college avoid him if they can help it because he always looks away and purses his lips as soon as they start talking about something he finds utterly inane, which is kind of rude, really, but you’re an excessively nice person who makes a point of seeing past all that. He gets labelled as quiet anyway because he doesn’t speak up enough for many people to want to talk to him in the first place, only to find out he is like this.

It’s not like it’s a farce or a façade or anything, his distaste is genuine. It’s just that his attitude can get in the way of being socially acceptable if he isn’t practically trembling with excitement or dying of intrigue. He has always exercised a very subdued contempt for the people at school, but no one really notices it aside from his occasional expression of discomfort when asked to work in groups of more than three. Even then, it’s quite easy to mistake his dislike as a mere preference for working alone.

It's an odd thing you understand but could never do. You like the division of responsibility, not feeling like everything is set on your shoulders and that you have people you trust that might help you take care of the matter. But, well, you have friends. Proper ones who find you when the teacher says ‘work in groups.’ There’s the difference. There are many things different about you two.

You feel Alex groan against your chest. His grip is very tight on your hips. He’s never left bruises in places like that before but if he does, you think you won’t mind.

You know he wants it really badly now, the way he keeps sucking on your breast and the way his fingers are tugging on the waistband of the shorts you wear under your skirt. It’s only a very small matter of time until his hands are inside your underwear and then inside of you.

“What do you want to do?” You always ask him this question. It’s an act of generosity you try not to think about because it’s a little uncomfortable, but you can’t ever resist the urge to ask him what he wants. It’s as if the day hinges on his desires, and not on your terms of the relationship.

“I want to fuck you.”

“Yes, well, besides that?”

Alex thinks for a moment. “Let me try eating you out again.”

“Practising?” Getting eaten out isn’t your favourite, but you’re not sure if it’s your body’s fault or your general avoidance of the act that you can’t grow accustomed to it, or it’s because he’s bad at it (but that might also be your fault, because he says that it’s not like he can practise on anyone else).

He gives you a chiding look as he grasps your hips and lifts them so you’re kneeling over him and his mouth is licking around and under your navel. He tugs your cotton shorts off impatiently, taking your panties along with it and he sighs deeply as two of his fingers slide between your legs to find you wet.

“Alex,” you say, a whine edging into your voice.

“What?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake—” you complain, and then his index finger is inside you and it feels like a lightning strike. Your hand finds his hair, grabbing him by the roots at the top of his head and he’s looking up at you, grinning.

“What was that?”

“Shut up.”

He only laughs and kisses the top of your pubic mound, and you can feel him inhale deeply against your skin, his eyes closed as his mouth opens to press a hot, wet kiss to your belly. You swallow thickly; he’s never looked sexier before, even if you think he always looks sexy (but in a boyish, summery kind of way, nothing like the way movie stars do)—he looks incredible now, seated between your legs, that terrible devotion on his face that makes your skin prickle with heat, that makes your joints ache with need.

When he’s like this, you feel so powerless, but in a way that validates your violent desire to be torn apart and examined like a bug under a microscope, the unusual shape of your veiled personality taken into question and dissected piece by piece. Alex manages that dissection well, in a languid sort of way that often has you deciding that no one else might be capable of it again. He looks at you like an object of captivation, which is better than as an object of sex or an object of some other nasty, bodily use. Like a book only he can read, a book that he reads over and over again as if it never ends.

Alex curls his fingers inside you and you moan, fingers tightening around his hair. “I want to eat you out.”

“Fine, fine,” you say, in the exact tone of voice that is easy to mistake for resignation (which is why you never use it around other people), but is really closer to a selfless, giving capitulation.

He removes his fingers and offers it up to your mouth, so you lower your head and suck on it, eyes closed. You can feel him twitch on your tongue through the sweet taste of your cunt (you can sort of understand why he likes eating you out) and the tang of his skin. Then he removes his hand and takes your hips, guiding you to his side as he turns to face you.

“My thanks,” he says in a mock serious voice, pulling your bottoms off further down your legs and flicking them away onto the floor.

“You’re picking that up later.”

Alex rolls his eyes. “I know.” He pushes your legs apart with a surprising amount of force and settles down there. He looks hungry.

“You’re not gonna tease, are you?” you say, placing your foot against his side and gently rubbing it. Accompanied with your words, it comes across as a playful threat.

“Well, it’s not like it works if I can’t get you off like this,” he says, placing his mouth above your clit. You smell sweet. He desperately wants to put his fingers inside you, and then he realises he can, because he doesn’t really have any intentions of teasing. “Yet.”

He groans low against your cunt as your hands find his hair and tug now that his fingers are inside you again. Once more, he lowers his mouth and this time, he flattens his tongue against your lips and licks a long, broad stripe up to your clit from where the inside of his palm meets your body.

“That’s really good.”

“Is it?” he asks. He does it again and you tug harder on his hair. “Ow.”

“Sorry.”

“No,” he says. “Don’t stop.”

He doesn’t stop either, not when you moan like that and you say his name like you've been surprised with something you never knew you wanted. He sucks on your clit, eyes closed and feeling like he’s chasing a high as your hips jerk under his hands. His head is spinning, he feels like his capacity for pleasure is far too small for something as good as this, and he’s hard, so fucking hard that he almost compulsively humps the bed like an idiot.

“Oh, fuck—” you gasp, your voice suddenly coming into focus. “I think I’m gonna—I might come, don’t stop, fuck, fuck—”

Then your voice is gone and muffled again to him again, but this time it’s because your soft thighs are clamping around his head. Momentarily, he thinks he might come on the spot.

Alex swallows hard for a hairbreadth of a second in an effort to compose himself and he fights the urge to go faster, or harder, because that shit doesn’t work. Instead he keeps going, counting multiples of five in his head, in your voice so he keeps his rhythm and so he can ignore the white-hot sparks of pleasure shooting through his spine and down his cock and then back up and down to his toes. His head is spinning and then he hears you cry out and, wow, everything is a lot wetter now—

Eyes still closed, he licks up from his fingers to your clit over and over again. He’s breathing really hard, like he’s just run a race, but you finished and it fills him with an obtusely inflated sense of pride.

“Did you just come?” he asks smugly.

“Didn’t know I would,” you say, panting.

He smirks and gets up to kiss you, but you intercept him by tugging on his hair and you lick his lips, the side of his mouth, under his wet nose. Alex yelps. “Ew, Jesus!”

“You just had your mouth by my pee and poo hole,” you retort, letting go of him as he jerks backwards, and you yelp this time when he loses his balance and lands on top of you.

“That’s still disg—”

“Your face was all wet, and you were gonna kiss me—”

Your bodies are all tangled together. He looks up at you. “It was, wasn’t it?”

You roll your eyes. “Yes.”

—

“I don’t want to go to the formal,” Alex tells you the next day over lunch. Making lunch was nearly a disaster because he managed to burn eggs, and he had complained about your hospitality after you relegated him to cleaning up as you finished cooking. His contempt is showing. “A suit for some stupid kids’ party.”

“It’s not a stupid kids’ party,” you say, talking with your mouth full. “It’s a night to celebrate that this is all finally going to be over. Are you just saying that because you have no one to take?”

He looks at you steadily when you say this. He feels a little sick, like his heart is in his throat and it won’t come out or go back down. Maybe he’s just choking on his sandwich and he hasn’t realised it yet.

“That’s not it. Could you close your mouth while eating? I don’t w—”

“C’mon, Gemma would go with you.” Your knife clinks on your plate.

Alex is unnerved by your dismissive attitude about this, even if he had come into this relationship knowing that this is the exact way it was meant to pan out. You have never expressed a desire to have him for yourself except for moments where there is no one else to have him but you. He wants to say something insane and sensationalist, like ‘I’d rather blow my mates on the dancefloor than go with her,’ because he knows it’ll make you laugh. His favourite fantasy isn’t you in bed under him or him in bed with you on top of him, but rather the imaginary sound of your laughter at some witticism or another. It soothes him when he feels like someone’s playing the violin with the muscles in his shoulders, except he feels like you're the one doing that now.

“I’m going with Rob, anyway,” you say. “You should really go. With someone, ideally. It’s hardly like you’re some horrible person to be around.”

Firstly, he might not be outright horrible or even the slightest bit horrible but the thought of spending an evening in formalwear without someone who can grasp his exact opinions on the evening (no more, no less) is utterly sickening. Secondly, he is humiliated by the fact that he is likely one of the last people you talk to to know about this. He is keenly aware of the fact of girls being incredibly prepared about these sorts of things. He doesn’t like the sudden, nauseating feeling of this very bitter kind of embarrassment so he employs a casual affectation to disguise this.

“Why Rob?”

“Well, he asked.”

The kitchen feels incredibly warm. Alex thinks he might walk out if you follow up with ‘and he’s good-looking’ or something else along those lines, so he’s grateful when you don’t do that and you say instead, “He’s not terrible. Well, he’s not brilliant either.”

You always mean brilliant as in clever. It always fills him with a significant amount of pleasure knowing this, because you regularly call him ‘too smart for his own good.’ It’s why he lets you tease his occasional stammers and stutters, because you say ‘that’s what happens when your brain is going too quick for your mouth to catch up.’

“He isn’t.”

The corner of your mouth turns up into a humourless half-smile that he doesn’t like. Sunlight through the open window falls in streams, illuminating your eyes. “He’s not you. Happy now?”

“That’s better.” He wants to run out of the kitchen, it’s too warm and bright. He doesn’t feel very happy at all.

—

At midnight, Alex wakes up in a cold sweat from a bad dream that slips from his mind as suddenly as it had come. He doesn’t feel nervous when he doesn’t immediately identify where he is because he can feel the warm weight of your boneless body next to him.

He looks down at you. You’re only stirring a little in your sleep.

You two don’t get to do this often—sleeping in the same bed. Your parents go on holiday only every once in a while, and it usually coincides with when his family goes on holiday too. This is a special occasion so instead of succumbing to sleep again, he decides to savour the moment.

Alex can hear his heart pounding in his ears as he examines your body. The two piercings on your ear, the ungroomed tail of your brow, the freckles on the side of your face. He knows very well you’re pretty, and even you are aware of this despite your expressions of disdain (only ever in private) for it. But this is different, observing someone who is asleep instead of someone who is breathing and busy and moving.

He places his hand on your arm. He’ll never stop marvelling at how soft your skin is. You always say it’s leaning on the dry side.

“I can’t believe you,” he breathes very softly, his hand cupping your elbow, squeezing very gently.

Your body is so warm and open, something for him to come back to over and over again. He knows he’ll never be able to explain this feeling to anyone if anyone ever found out about this. What is he supposed to say? That he thinks he is in love with you, in love with your body? That makes him sound desperate, and also kinda weird and perverted.

No, he’d have to say something along the lines of I feel like my body is in the right place when it’s next to her body, and I think she can read my mind when I’m inside her. And it’s alright to be bad at eating her out (I think I’m not anymore, but she says it might have been a fluke) and it’s alright to be unacceptable and occasionally say things that no one, absolutely no one else would ever look at me right for. And it’s alright to be shameful because she can be a right terror, too, because I don’t think she’s afraid I’ll get afraid, and nor do I think she’ll ever be afraid of me.

He imagines himself saying that he likes you for your mind instead. What an understatement, and what utter emptiness the fantasy carries; no one will ever ask him to explain because you are determined that no one ever finds out.

You stir and you open your eyes blearily. “Alex?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you watching me sleep?” Your voice is hoarse. He briefly closes his eyes and thinks of that one time you blew him and he came so hard he thought he died.

“A little.”

“Why are you awake?”

He says nothing about the nightmare he cannot remember nor the thoughts that are slipping away from him like sand. He gestures vaguely to where the sheets are pooled around his waist.

“Oh. Come here,” you murmur. “Fuck me.”

He bends down to kiss you, moving under the sheets to move over your body. “Are you wet?” His hand dips between your legs.

“Might be,” you murmur.

You’re not as wet as you normally are when you say fuck me but he doesn’t mind, his fingertips press on your clit and rub over it and he watches you squirm. Affection rises in his chest. He thinks he loves you, he knows he loves you. He recalls the conversation you had about the formal and he can’t help but wonder if you’ll kiss Robert at any point throughout night, if it’ll be one kiss goodbye or a full-blown make-out session. The thought makes him sick and he applies more pressure with his fingers.

You squirm and moan softly. Your body is open and bright to him in your dark bedroom.

He feels you grow slick and he can’t help it, he pushes two fingers inside, curling them hard. He feels a sadistic urge to keep fucking you with his fingers and then stop right before you come, and then go back to sleep. Then you arch your back and moan louder, your hand finding his bicep and your nails digging in. The sting makes the urge dissipate and then the pain recedes too as he pulls his fingers out.

He can’t help but feel like there’s something cinematic about this—the echoing sickness rising in him quelled by your rippling body. Stupid lines. Stupid poetry.

Alex exhales as he moves on top of you properly and your legs hook around his back eagerly despite the sleep stuck in your eyes. “Fantastic agility,” he finds himself saying.

“Shut up,” you mumble, then you suck in a sharp breath and your hand clutches the pillowcase as he gets inside you.

He likes to get inside very deep and slow, and he likes watching your brow furrow and your bleary eyes refocus on him like a camera. He feels caught like this, naked and exposed, and it is a heart-pounding feeling that feels almost like smoking a cigarette for the first time ever—except this is every time he does this with you.

There is a low, deeply gratifying ache in his body as he moves and his eyes shut as he presses his face into the crook of your neck. One of his hands is pinning your hip into the bed, the other one is grasping your shoulder. He lets his weight carry each downward stroke. The intimacy of this—him inside you, you two in the sheets, you two in your room—makes his head spin.

Alex thinks of a helter-skelter. Your body is the lighthouse. He wants to get on you and he wants his head to spin until he’s sick for the sheer thrill of it, the love of it. Maybe that’s why he sticks around like this, bound by the limitations of your relationship. There’s a joke there somewhere about how he’s always free to walk away but he’ll be so dizzy getting off that he’ll spin and walk right back.

He opens his mouth against your skin and sucks, throat closing tight and swallowing a breath that tastes like you. I’ll be anything you want me to be, I’ll be everything you want me to be, I’ll take it.

“I’m going to come,” he whispers. His voice is ragged. He suddenly feels like he’s in tatters.

Your response comes out with a whimper. “Don’t stop.”

He can’t help the groan that escapes him as he thrusts harder now in an attempt to remember his pace. I’ll take everything you’ll give me, anything you’ll give me if you let me have it. “Won’t.”

Your body is trembling under him, your hips twitch and meet his hips. He picks up the pace. He can feel the pleasure burning him from the inside out, he hopes it burns away whatever grief he carries and bitterly hides over this, over you.

Alex feels you arch your back, he hears you cry out and he feels your nails dig into his back as you fall apart. He likes the pain, how you cannot control yourself with him (only ever in private).

“Fuck,” he gasps softly. “I’m going to come, I mean it.”

Your answering whimper is enough and his body tenses as his hips stutter sharply. He fully understands why he keeps doing this to himself, why he cannot bring himself to hate it. His fingers tighten around your wrist as his breathing stalls and he comes, muttering fuck as he does so.

When his breathing starts up again, he looks at you. Your eyelids are heavy. Your smile is sated. He shakes his head at you a little bit. “I can’t believe you.”

“Sure you can,” you whisper. “You say that like I’m crazy about something.”

Alex examines your face. If this was origami, then he thinks it’s all unfolding right now. He wants to read the creased lines after, like the way those weird witch ladies read palms and say vague things that might apply to your life. He might read his regrets and he might come away feeling like he’s wasted his time, at least he knows that moment will have been the last time he’ll have done something like that. He might miss the original shape of the thing, though.

“I’m crazy, I think,” he says, and he kisses you firmly. The only problem is that he’s not done with you yet. He doesn't want you to be done with him for a while.

The way it’s turning out for him now is that he’s realising he doesn’t know which way the creased lines are meant to bend, and that means there was no point in counting them.

—

“Are you going to take your books with you to France?” Alex asks when he points at your bookshelf. He's doing the last of his homework. It’s due tomorrow and he's struggling with it.

“No,” you say. “There's too many of them, and I'm just getting a shit room in a shit flat. I hope.”

“Housing crisis?”

“Well, they're not calling it that,” you say with a roll of your eyes. “In any case, I can't bring these. Do you want borrow any while I’m away?”

He gets up, grateful for the distraction. He examines the books on your shelves. Dostoevsky, King, Nabokov, Neruda, Hugo, Verne, Baudelaire, Dumas. Many more Alex doesn't recognise. He doesn't think he can survive majoring in Literature. He prefers reading things he likes, not reading everything—especially not if it's in a language he doesn't understand. He still looks at your row of books in French, though.

There's no need to borrow any of your books because he knows what he likes and he has them stacked in a pile by his bed in the corner of his room. But the offer is tempting: he can return it to you. Make a solid excuse to see you over hols to someone if there's someone who needs an excuse from him over this.

“This one? La choot.”

“Don't ever say that again. Don't you know a chute is?”

“I do. I thought it'd annoy you if I said it that way.”

You roll your eyes at him and he grins as he takes the book from your shelf. La Chute. Camus. He likes Camus, he can't read French, but he can find an English copy somewhere and try to read it all until his eyes cross. He’s overtaken by a strange desire to impress you. For you to remember this, as if you wouldn't remember him.

“You can't read French.”

He shrugs. “Camus is okay.”

You smile and sit on your bed. The movement alone feels like an invitation, but you've washed your sheets and done it up so it looks neat, like you two haven't been sleeping and having sex in it all weekend. He resists the temptation and stays still by your bookshelf.

“I hate that book, actually, so you can keep it.”

“No thanks,” he says. “If you hate it then I'll probably hate it too, so you can keep this hateful book after I read it and decide it’s shite.”

Alex wants the excuse. Here you are denying him without even realising it, or maybe you do, which he finds emblematic of something he doesn’t want to describe to himself. Not during daylight hours, at least. You always said that after midnight was the time to make wishes because then whoever might make it come true would hear you better without the din of all the other voices. He decides that the evening is for materialising that wish from his grievances in the daytime.

You shrug. His gaze follows the movement of your bare shoulders. “I could collect people’s hatred with it.”

“What, no. This is our thing. I don’t want anyone else’s hate in it.”

He watches you roll your eyes. Compulsively, he thinks of how you do that in bed. He feels powerless just watching you breathe, talk, exist. Before all of this, he had established that he had no significant appreciation for young love as a romance genre. Now he thinks he might hate it because he feels like he is a sopping wet cloth gathering every handsome, young male lead’s tears for himself. None of those leads are even teenagers, really. They never manage to capture the urgency of each moment, rushed by the fact that he now feels like he’s at the age where careless words and small, stupid decisions precipitate monumental consequences, and all of those come chasing him whether he likes it or not.

Alex was, after all, the one to come to you. He was the one that had foolishly told you that you didn’t actually bother him when he made a face about being grouped into a thing with you and a few other people he is bothered by. Then he was the one that wanted the clarification when you told him you liked him. It was such a careless, casual thing. How? he had asked, and now he is here.

And he was also the one to suggest going to France if you cared about French Literature so much. Why don’t you just go there then? You’re smart enough to get in. He had said that, and again, he is now here.

Later you take him to the front door to say goodbye, because your parents are due to come home in an hour. “Well, bye then,” you say.

He kisses you as you two linger by the front door. You will see each other tomorrow. Neither of you will speak to each other unless strictly, absolutely necessary, on pain of death. He makes no mention of this and he doesn’t protest because you’re not complaining about this arrangement—and he’s not a fucking wuss or a sap or the whiny sort—so he doesn’t complain about it either. Someone’s gonna crack over this and he almost maliciously hopes it’s you. It would be pretty fucking shameful if it was him.

You’re a right terror too, even if no one else can see it. You would probably deserve it if you cracked.

He recalls what he thought last night: how he doesn’t think he’ll ever be afraid of you. How he knows that you know that. Nor does he think you’ll ever be afraid of him, and he knows that as much as he knows up is up and down is down. The problem here is that if you cracked it would inevitably come back right around to him as these things are wont to do when you are involved.

Besides, how could he ever feel this way for other people? He doesn’t rule out the possibility that someone else might try to do this sort of casual, secret thing to him again but you have ruined it for him completely. Its highs are things no one else will ever be able to reach and its lows are things he doesn’t think he’ll ever willing participate in a second time. You have a terrible sort of hold over him and he doesn’t want you to let go. He cannot imagine losing it. He’ll take it in any shape it comes in.

“Bye,” Alex says, pulling away and walking out the front door. He doesn’t look back to see you watching him. Everything feels temporary, because it is.

He can never have this wonderful, terrible weekend again. At least he knows it’ll lose its shine the next time he gets you alone.

[colorfullyminded]

TLDR

Okay I cannot believe I'm about to go off like this, but this has been bothering me for awhile, and it's only making me more spiteful. I have been enjoying the influx of Billford art lately. Amazing, great wonderful. What I have Not been enjoying, is the absolute vitriol the Billdip fans have been getting since the influx of TBOB. I was a billdip shipper for awhile. Hell I was a billdip shipper when I was a Parapines shipper-- I liked shipping Dipper with boys. I was also like 14 or 15 at the time. Obviously, if you follow me now, you'll probably notice what my main ship for Dipper is. I grew out of Billdip, and moved on to Pinescone. I have been shipping Pinescone for 10 years. However, not once did I go around saying "Lol, glad I matured and became a better person and shipped something healthier", nor did I post in the billdip tag, condeming people for a fictional ship! And saying mine was better because it was less problematic.

"I'm really glad people stopped shipping Bill and Dipper together. Bill is a 1000 year old triangle demon, and Dipper is 13--" Stop. Repeat what you just said.

"Bill is 1000 year old triangle--"

Repeat that last word to me. "....triangle?" TRIANGLE! I'm sorry what?! This ship is already completely wild enough. You're getting mad at this fictional age gap-- AND BILL IS A FUCKING SHAPE! A FUCKING SHAPE! This ship was weird from the moment GO! And Billford isn't any better. IT'S STILL A SHIP WITH A FUCKING SHAPE! And you're going to sit on your high horse and look down on the Billdip community. On top of it-- they have an age gap too! Bill is still thousands of years old or whatever-- however long it's been, who knows? And Ford was in his 20s or so when he met Bill. That's still a huge, ridiculous age gap-- that Bill could easily use and manipulate; which he did....and then also caught feelings and became a sad ex, but that's beside the point~ Both of these ships are still insane. And again, the bigger thing I think people are just ignoring about these ships--is that Bill is a TRIANGLE! THREE LINES CONNECTED TOGETHER! And this is the hill you're going to die on? ...Cause apparently it's mine. First of all-- as many people pointed out-- Ford Pines did not exist until the second half of the final season. People couldn't ship Fordbill because there wasn't any Ford to introduce.

"Well, even before Ford, I never shipped Billdip! I always disliked it." ...Okay, that's totally fine. Not everyone needs to like or agree on the same ship. Lord knows there's probably people who don't really care for Pinescone either. There's a lot of popular ships that I can't stand. But I'm don't go into a ship tag I don't like, screaming to a void for self validation. I don't go around mocking other people for ships that they had in 2014-- or even still today! It doesn't matter! I did that when I was a kid-- and then realized that was rude, and it was better to just ignore the ships I didn't like and enjoy the ones that made me happy. And grow a community of kind, like minded friends. And listen, I am all for safe spaces and being able to block things that make you uncomfortable. I am not saying people who find the BillDip ship uncomfortable to be idiots or babies or overly sensitive-- or anything like that. I think if something makes you uncomfortable, that is okay and I think it's perfectly fine to blacklist a tag that you don't want to see. I also think it's imperative that people tag things as accurately as they can so people looking at your work can know if one of your pieces has a thing that they don't like-- and therefore can avoid. What I don't appreciate is the fanhate for this ship that is sprouting up like weeds. You can not like something, you can be disgusted by it (I have my Gravity Falls ships I can not stand, nor do I feel comfortable with), but attacking real people for a FICTIONAL SHIP-- two characters who are drawings on a piece of paper and can not be affected mentally, physically or emotionally by fanwork; who still retain the same shape after everything we put them through-- to the point that you send death threats, or threaten to Doxx, or just harass relentlessly, I have always found that more childish and disgusting. You are causing real world pain to people. Me fucking up Dipper Pines is not going to do anything to him-- because he doesn't actually exist. He's a cartoon character. I could squash him and stretch him in Wonka's taffy machine--- I could throw him mock speed at a wall and watch him explode on impact-- but he still exists. He's not dead; I can pick him up and dust him off, and If I wanted-- I could decide that eh, 'Not a scratch on him'. And I'd be right. Because he is a cartoon character, and I am just a fangirl. I can not change anything about him-- I have no ability to make anything I headcanon canon. And even if I was the original artist-- it doesn't change the fact that Dipper would still be nothing more than a creation. A construct of shapes; he can not be hurt or traumatized in a way that leads to real life consequences-- because he is not real. I am not a cartoon character. My friends are not cartoon characters. Artist and Writers who stay in their lane...are not cartoon characters. If you hurt us...it will linger. It will leave a scar. If you can not tell the difference between Fiction and Reality, then I think maybe media might be too much to handle-- and I think you need to really reevaluate yourself.

And just to vent some other things that i keep seeing that are frustrating: You can't claim the twins are only 13-- and then on August 31st go "Happy 20-something Birthday Mabel and Dipper!" And then proceed to drop a picture of them as adults. Well which is it? Do they age or not? Because Gravity Falls showed them canonically aging. If you think the twins age-- then you can't suddenly turn around and go, 'no you can't ship them-- Dipper is a child!' but you drew him as an adult. So sorry, it looks like you can't draw the twins grown up anymore. You claimed they're 13, so better draw them 13 forever--. Aged up stories and works exist for a reason, especially for a fan who grew up on the series. The characters might have grown up alongside them. It's not unlikely for a person to ship Billdip when Dipper is much older.

And on that note, for people who are like 'well older billdip is fine-- it's just people shipping him during the show that deserve to die.' Okay... and like I said, this rant is coming from a recent influx of Billford shippers spitting on Billdip shippers. You know? The TOXIC Old Man Yaoi!

You're still shipping something that is problematic. You are still shipping something twisted and wrong. And I am not judging you. I am here for this divorced arc. I am thriving. But you can't just pick and choose what is and isn't okay. And let me first off explain; if there is something that personally triggers you about a toxic ship, and you want to avoid that-- again, perfectly understandable. Perfectly reasonable. You are the makers of your content space. And I am not judging anyone for that. I want people to be safe. I want people to have a good time in fandom spaces. I want people to not have to deal with the things that upset them or frighten them, or disgust them. But you can not say one is fine, and one is not. They're both bad! They're both toxic. In real life, these ships would both be charged with serious crimes! And yes, there are some crimes that are worse than others, and if you asked me what I thought was more problematic-- I'd say Billdip-- but both of these ships are extreme, and severe in their problematic content. You are still consuming problematic content. If it's a personal thing, that's fine; avoid it. But don't sit there throwing stones from your glass house.