#the original has so many anatomy mistakes that killed me

[viinas]

“The show's not over until the mockingjay sings.”

Redraw of my old Lucy Gray drawing except this time I didn’t misquote her!

[flaresanimedump]

Thoughts on Ranpo

I said something about Ranpo being a jerk but being the nicest person around from his perspective on twitter yesterday and my meta got too long to post there. This got way out of hand and is more of a Ranpo analysis than an explanation. Anyway:

Let us first consider Ranpo’s perspective in general. Ranpo can look at a person, place, or thing and know everything about it if he so chooses. He figured out Fukuzawa was an assassin in about 30 seconds and that was before he gained 12 years of experience as a detective.

His glasses gave him the confidence to acknowledge he was smarter than everyone else – something he was afraid of because, as he said in Origins, being smarter than everyone else meant he was all alone and because being the smartest person around meant that if he was wrong no one would catch his mistake in time as we see with Kunikida. But what we don’t acknowledge often enough imo is that the primary thing Ranpo does with his glasses is not wear them.

What Fukuzawa said when he gave Ranpo the glasses was: “If you put these on, your ability will activate, and you will be able to see the truth, right then and there. On the other hand, when you’re not wearing them, other people’s simplemindedness will not bother you anymore.”

(This is, of course, the basis of the ability Fukuzawa later manifested – “You can turn your power on and off at will” – but I digress.)

But Ranpo could already do the first part. He was like Scott Summers from X-Men who can’t turn his power off. If you notice, when Ranpo’s in Poe’s book with Yosano, Ranpo isn’t actually bothered by knowing things. He starts deducing the case out of sheer annoyance, and it’s only when Yosano goes “wow you’re on a roll” that he snaps at her and stops. Despite all his supposed self-importance, he spends the entire case trying not to be special.

He also gets mad and asks “are you saying the president lied to me?!” which. He knows. Fukuzawa told him to his face it was a lie. What matters here is that he didn’t acknowledge it because he didn’t want to know.

Imagine you have the ability to be better than everyone at nearly everything. Go to get your car fixed and they can’t figure out where the short in your electrical system is? Well, you can, so shouldn’t you do it? You go to the doctor and they’re not sure what’s going on with that click in your wrist. Well, you'll know if you just read a couple of anatomy books, so shouldn’t you do it? You go to the coffee shop, to the grocery store, to the post office, and you can do everything better than everyone else, so shouldn’t you?

Fukuzawa correctly believed that Ranpo had the confidence and support to drop the glasses charade after their first case. But what Fukuzawa really gave Ranpo with the glasses, and what Ranpo clung to for so many years, was an excuse to turn it off. To say no, I’m not taking all that energy to do all that thinking for other people. To see someone be totally, completely, maddeningly wrong and go “huh, sure I guess,” as long as it didn’t interfere with his life. To not be expected to just deduce how the trains work.

And to save his energy for more important things. Yes, some of the information comes easy, but it did take him a little thought to figure out Fukuzawa's past. He believed everyone was doing some thinking all the time, but the revelation that he was the only one would put all that effort on him. There's a reason most colleges limit the number of finals you're required to take in a day: you can't apply yourself forever without burning out. Ranpo admitting he was smarter than everyone else without the glasses would have had him on track to either run himself into the ground or harden his heart at the tender age of 14 to protect himself.

Case in point: it's Ranpo who says he has to protect all the "foolish infants" around him just seconds after he finally admits he's smarter than everyone else - and just seconds after he's been given an excuse to not kill himself doing it.

Circling back to the statement that triggered this essay: Fukuzawa’s final bullet point in his explanation of Ranpo’s ability is that nobody hates him. Ranpo digests this, and in the anime we see flashbacks to him getting thrown out of the academy, but we also see him at his parents’ grave. Now, what would his parents’ deaths have to do with people being foolish or hating him?

Potential answer: Even when he shuts his brain mostly off, Ranpo knows what people are going through. He knows their pasts, when he needs to, their bad deeds and things they’d like to keep secret. We've seen that he knows what would hurt them the most, too (re: his intro episode when he repeats Yamagiwa’s last words to Sugimoto.)

Other people don’t.

Other people might make an off-color joke that they don’t realize breaks their friend’s heart. Other people might spend two years guessing Dazai’s history and making strong generalizing statements about how evil and deplorable everyone in the Port Mafia is. Other people might accidentally get caught whispering at a funeral about how they heard the boy’s mother had an affair, which, to Ranpo, looks like intentionally being overheard saying things you know are lies about a kind and wonderful dead woman.

For two years he didn’t understand that they didn't know. For two years he walked by thousands of people who saw an energetic young boy, but he thought they saw an orphan who was lonely and hungry and sad. It looked like people hated him, because why would they say the things they said if they knew? (They didn’t.) Why would they walk by him if they knew how he felt? (They didn’t.)

In the novel he says “all the times I was suffering” at this revelation, implying it happened often and he couldn’t understand why people were so awful.

Of course, Ranpo is still a jerk – but he could be much worse. He’ll tell people they suck to their faces and advocate for leaving Atsushi to be sold on the black market and be obscenely arrogant, but legitimate stabs, those awful moments when you put your foot in your mouth and really hurt people – he never does that by accident. But other people do it to him by accident. For friends he knows just what gifts they want for the holidays, knows their favorite and least favorite foods, and a dozen other little things other people don't know and make it look like they don't care about him enough to pay attention.

Which finally brings me to my original statement: Ranpo is a jerk but from his perspective he’s the nicest guy around. Assuming they're idiots and "not being bothered by the ignorance of others" lets him ignore their lack of social graces.

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

Galileo Galilei Main Story

Translations may not always capture the exact nuances or tone of the original text. Expect grammatical errors and inaccuracies.

Spoilers ahead. Not proofread.

Afterward, we carried Galileo, who was on the brink of death, into the mansion.

Arthur and Charles, who know their way around medicine, and Faust, who's an expert in anatomy and pharmacology, took over the treatment.

Arthur: "He barely made it. Luckily, he missed the vital spot."

Mitsuki: "Really? That's good to hear."

Charles: "But it doesn't change the fact that he's still in a dangerous condition. It's a wonder he's alive even now."

Faust: "Being half-vampire, his natural healing ability should be better than a human's, but he's unusually weakened."

After hearing their gloomy remarks, Comte thought it over.

Comte: "It might be the influence of the progenitor's miasma."

(Miasma…)

I recall the suffering Galileo and Vlad endured.

Comte: "The progenitor's miasma was painful even for us who were just there."

Comte: "Galileo's body was taken over, albeit for a short while."

Comte: "It's possible that his body was directly weakened by that time."

Mitsuki: "Is there no way to cure it?"

Comte: "I don't know. I hope it's something that will heal over time."

Comte shook his head apologetically.

With so little information about the progenitor itself, no one likely knew the solution.

Vlad: "That's probably why the progenitor sought a vessel."

Vlad: "I saw the body of an old man rotting away in that throne room. It's likely that the body couldn't withstand the miasma or the tremendous power."

Vlad: "The progenitor survived by transferring to a new host."

Leonardo: "Plus, the weapon Galileo used to stab himself is actually designed to kill vampires, which makes things even worse."

When the weapon was brought up, several people glanced over at Drake, who was also at the mansion.

Vlad: "There should only be one weapon in the world capable of killing a vampire, and it's a spear."

Vlad: "So, what exactly is your knife?"

Drake: "There's a lot of history behind it."

He shrugged his shoulders and gave a wry smile.

Drake: "Well, given the current situation, I have no intention of harming any of you."

Drake: "But we were driven by a desire to destroy the world. It's true that we were investigating you all."

Drake: "If you consider me dangerous, do whatever you want with me. I'm not going to run."

Drake: "Galileo probably has the same resolve."

(No way.)

Listening to their conversation, Leonardo sighed.

Leonardo: "I can't overlook what you were trying to do, but it's not our call to label you as dangerous."

Comte: "That's right. No one here has that right."

Mitsuki: "Also..."

After listening to their exchange, I spoke up.

Mitsuki: "I'm sure that simply judging someone isn't the answer."

Scenes of persecution and discrimination that I've witnessed flash through my mind.

I remember the kids whose lives were cut short just for being dhampirs—Miguel and Mireia, stuck in the slums, and Galileo, who got labeled a heretic.

I've seen the horror of judging based on race, ideology, biased information, and limited perspectives.

(I've pursued the truth with my own eyes since meeting Galileo.)

(I won't repeat the same mistakes from the past to stop the cycle of negativity.)

Mitsuki: "We mustn't turn away from the truths that Galileo and the dhampirs have experienced."

Mitsuki: "I want to embrace both anger and hatred and think together about the future of this world—regardless of the country, era, or race we come from."

Drake: "Mitsuki..."

(It'd be great if we could all be a bridge to everyone, just like Galileo wanted.)

(So, please live, Galileo.)

(This world may have made you despair many times, but there is surely a future where you will smile again. I will definitely find it for you.)

I want you to live. I want you to be happy.

I want to make you happy.

As I held on to these thoughts, the long night began to break.

Comte: "Regardless of the country, era, or race we come from, huh?"

Vlad: "Those were Mitsuki's words just now."

As the sun began to rise, Vlad and Comte exchanged words in front of the door that led to all beginnings, the one that guided the historical figures and Mitsuki.

Comte: "Hey, Vlad. We've crossed time through this door and resurrected historical men as vampires."

Comte: "I've started questioning our actions since the door began to warp. However, after hearing Mitsuki's words, it felt like continuing to walk even through this distorted fate would connect us to the future."

Vlad: "Yeah. And, beyond the differences in races, we will walk together."

Vlad: "Even if the idea of living forever goes against the principles of the world, everyone is still living in this world."

Galileo's condition repeatedly fluctuated, and he gradually began to stabilize.

However, no matter how much we tried, he didn't wake up, and many mornings and nights had passed.

Mitsuki: "Galileo, I'll place these blanc flowers here."

I placed the flowers in a vase on the table.

Right now, Galileo is sleeping in his room at the hideout.

------------Flashback-----------

Comte: "You want to take Galileo back to his home?"

Mitsuki: "Yes. He has a precious garden there."

Mitsuki: "It might be just a comfort, but I want to at least let him be close to it."

Comte: "I see. I understand. Maybe it'll have a good effect."

Comte: "I'll make preparations right away."

---------Flashback Ends--------

With Comte's arrangement, I continued to take care of Galileo at the hideout.

(Maybe the dhampirs can help him wake up through his dreams.)

I know it was a baseless and faint hope, but I was ready to believe in anything if there was even a small chance.

Mitsuki: "Do you remember? When I had a fever, you took care of me. Hehe, now it's the other way around."

Mitsuki: "Back then, your presence made me feel less anxious."

Even though I spoke to him and smiled, there was no response.

(If he were awake, I wonder how he would react.)

(He'd probably say 'I see' or something equally indifferent.)

Remembering his calm demeanor made me miss him, and a sense of sadness welled up.

After tidying up Galileo's stuff, I left the room.

Mitsuki: "Huh?"

In the living room, I noticed some unfamiliar luggage.

As I pondered what was happening, Draco suddenly flew in and placed his toy on top of the luggage.

Mitsuki: "Is this your luggage?"

Draco: "Captain! Sail! Captain! Sail!"

Mitsuki: "Huh? Sail?"

Drake: "You're a bit too early, Draco."

Turning around, I saw Drake smiling broadly.

Mitsuki: "Drake, you're leaving?"

Drake: "I was thinking of going on a journey after Galileo wakes up."

Mitsuki: "Where are you planning to go on this journey?"

Drake: "Hmm, where to? I haven't decided yet, so I don't know."

Drake: "But a journey without a destination can also be fun, yeah?"

His ambiguous response gave me a bad feeling.

(Could it be?)

Mitsuki: "Drake, are you planning on not coming back?"

He showed a thoughtful expression, then looked around the room as if to take it all in.

Drake: "Who knows? But I no longer have a reason to be here."

Drake: "I still think this world should be destroyed, but I don't have any reliable means to make that happen now."

Drake: "Whether I find a new way or not, I'm better off wandering in the sea."

Mitsuki: "But what about Galileo?"

Drake: "He has you."

He looked me straight in the eyes.

Drake: "You really are the woman of destiny, Mitsuki."

Drake: "In the end, you saved Galileo's life. No, you saved our lives."

Drake: "You changed the disastrous fate we were destined to follow."

Mitsuki: "But I hindered the paths you both were taking."

Galileo and Drake had joined hands because of their despair. You could say I hindered their wish.

Mitsuki: "Do you hate me?"

Drake: "No way."

He shrugged his shoulders as he said these words.

Drake: "I knew he was carrying too many burdens, but I chose not to interfere."

Drake: "No matter how heavy they were, he would never put them down. It was his reason for living."

(His reason for living? That might be true.)

The many regrets that were too heavy to bear but impossible to let go were keeping Galileo alive.

Drake: "But if there's someone like you who understands everything and is willing to accept even his desire for destruction, then he might be able to gradually let it go."

Drake: "You've constantly clashed with Galileo's stubborn heart without giving up."

Drake: "You brought him back when he was about to get lost. Thank you, little fawn."

Mitsuki: "Drake..."

I wasn't sure if it was the joy of hearing those words or the sadness of the sudden farewell, but my eyes started to well up.

Drake: "Oh, by the way, I've got a stash of gold and silver hidden somewhere here. Feel free to use it if you find them. My parting gift for you."

Mitsuki: "Hey, Drake..."

Drake: "And Galileo will wake up soon! It's just a hunch, but even a bit of hope is better, right?"

Mitsuki: "Come on, listen. Galileo needs you."

Mitsuki: "You were the only comrade he saved, a companion who shared the same hopes and dreams."

Drake: "......."

My persistent words are met with a determined silence.

Mitsuki: "But still, if you're really going to leave, then be sure to come back someday. Galileo and I will be waiting for you."

When I conveyed my heartfelt wish, he gently patted my head.

Drake: "Well, if I feel like it."

Drake laughed like he didn't have a worry in the world.

It was a bright, sunny day with a clear blue sky.

Mitsuki: "It's a nice day today, Galileo. Look, the midday moon is out."

Sidereus: "Woof!"

I visited his room and opened the window.

Sidereus, who had followed me, sniffed the gentle breeze, while Galileo's silvery hair swayed and shimmered faintly in the wind.

However, his eyelashes didn't flutter at all.

(How long has it been since I've seen Galileo's eyes?)

A dark shadow started to fall over my heart, but I shook it off.

Mitsuki: "Maybe I'll do some cleaning. Though it's already tidy and clean."

I gave Sidereus a treat and sent him to another room, then started to clean.

While dusting off the desk, I accidentally knocked over the flower vase.

Mitsuki: "Crap!"

The spilled water trickled down to the drawer, so I opened it to check if any had gotten inside.

Mitsuki: "Yeah, it's wet. Huh?"

I noticed an old, folded paper crane stored inside.

Mitsuki: "This origami crane..."

It was a plain origami crane folded from white paper with no distinguishing features.

But the moment I held it, distant memories came rushing back like twinkling stars.

------------Flashback-----------

Galileo: "Are you okay?"

Mitsuki: "I-I'm okay."

Galileo: "Ah, at last I—"

Hearing the gentle voice from above, I lifted my head.

Galileo: "Have I managed to save someone?"

---------Flashback Ends--------

Mitsuki: "No way."

The warmth of his embrace, the paper crane I offered to express my gratitude, and the beautiful eyes from my memories, now overlapped with his amethyst eyes.

(Was he the one who saved me when I was a kid?)

Mitsuki: "Could it be..."

Recalling the last words we exchanged, I looked back at him sleeping.

(Did he know?)

Did he know that we had met long ago?

Did he know that he saved me back then?

This miraculous fate brought us together once more across time.

Mitsuki: "It's unfair that you kept it a secret all this time."

How should I express this feeling?

How should I tell him that these precious feelings born within me were all directed towards him?

Mitsuki: "Galileo."

I knelt beside the bed and held his hand.

Mitsuki: "Please wake up, Galileo."

Mitsuki: "I have so many things I want to ask you and talk about."

Through my blurring tears, his profile looked pale, and the hand I brushed against my cheek felt cold.

At that moment, as I fervently wished for his awakening, his fingertips moved slightly.

Mitsuki: "Galileo!!"

Previous Part ╎ Romantic ╎ Dramatic

[verdemoth]

i got invited into @skies-seas space headworld a while back and offered my beloved immortal space captain from spore 2008. and then it took me several months to finalize a design for them/their species

Captain Sondetten was once just a guy, but is now a spaceship puppeting around a clone of their old body. This is because they made the mistake of captaining the first expedition beyond their home star, and the first to encounter sapient alien life. Now they are not a person to the empire, they’re a living symbol progress and expansion and conquest and they can’t be allowed to die. So when they did, solutions were found. [more under readmore]

Several centuries later, Sondetten is still kicking. The same mind, more or less. They’ve accumulated so many memories that after a certain point, it was easier to transfer their mind into servers aboard their ship. Easier for the empire to maintain digital backups for when the ship is destroyed and needs to be rebuilt. Easier to filter out extraneous data that would only take up valuable space.

Son’s none too thrilled with their lot in life. Everything they do has political consequences that can make or break an alliance. Despite their influence they can’t do anything to change their situation. They don’t recognize the world they were born on. They can’t remember the names or faces of their countless dead friends. They’ve mostly stopped making friends, as no one else can understand fully what they’ve experienced. They’re a ghost haunting their own ship, which is more their true self now than the flesh they wear for the sake of being presentable.

In this shared setting, Son finally snapped and went rogue. They broke into a memory bank to hastily download a big file of that old ‘extraneous data’ (not a clean install, it’s not totally coherent or chronological but they’re glad to have the chance to invite old ghosts back in), then they made their exit and wrecked some shit on the way out, vanishing off to the other side of the galaxy. Son may have been a pacifist once but they’ve long since grown desensitized to violence.

There’s nothing stopping the empire from making another Sondetten, and becoming even more selective with what memories are returned to them to prevent this from happening again. But that’s a problem for that Sondetten, not this one. This Sondetten finally got away, and is for the first time in a long time somewhat mortal. They can make another body clone given enough time if the current one is killed, but if their ship is destroyed there will be no one to rebuild it and restore these memories. This Son will end if the ship dies, which is a novel experience.

In the meantime they’re trying to figure out how life works now in a place where they’re not being strangled by their own legacy. They arrive into the plot as just the ship with severe hull damage and some very atypical technology. They find themself put up as a grand prize to be won in some competition, which is not exactly what they were hoping for. They decide to play along for a time in hopes of getting free repairs, and only reveal themself as a sapient being when some folks try snooping into their memory servers or cloning process.

~ Anyway i made this species in spore in like 2012 or something? they were one of my main playthroughs and Sondetten is my go to when i’m playing the space stage :]

the original Maaydes + Sondie in game

i’ve been trying to draw/design the species but it took me sooooooo long to settle on what i wanted! the initial concept was marsupial + bird but it evolved past that. there’s plenty of thylacine in the jaw range of motion & general posture/body anatomy, but also some rodent proportions and upright posture. head cones from great crested grebe and austroraptor. wing anatomy and proportions are pterosaur, a single long digit supporting a membrane. with a wing covering of moth like scales. also a bit of pangolin but it’s more obvious on some subspecies than on Sond here

the idea is that the predecessors of this species had some kind of fur like covering, which over time changed into fused structures somewhere between a scale and a feather? they’re primarily equipped for insulation and ornamentation (colourful) but the wing scales help to provide lift, and there are larger variations that provide effective armour. stomach ‘plumage’ is more similar to the original ‘fur’

[glittergrubz]

I really got inspired by Roguein recent WoF characters and I needed a break of the Silkwing adoptables. I also figured I could hit two birds with one stone and practice posing/anatomy. I'm still having trouble but man I'm really proud of myself! I hope my art really improves as time goes on. ---

This here is Omen, a design I got from Scribblespider a while ago. I bought it on my old Meat-Monster account. I felt like it was due for a redesign as I struggled with the original lore n design alot. But the colors were very eye catching. 

Omen was genetically created by an Icewing scientist who let's just say has a mysterious past with the royals. This Icewing wondered if 1) A Allwing could be made and 2) How would it live and what would be the pros and cons of an Allwing. This has been a strange obsession for the Icewing for years and after many many awful years of mistakes he created Omen. 

Omen is Intersex (She/Her) and her birthday was an awful day. With her genetically modified body she struggled the moment she hatched from the egg. Not only were her claws not normal (extra digits, mutated wing arms and muscle issues) but her genes were not the greatest selection. Some of the DNA came from the scientist himself, the others were from strangers he managed to stalk and take precious pieces from. Some of those dragons were related (hybrid siblings) while others were fighting off chronic illnesses and sadly had a fatal end to the Icewing scientist. She could not control her poisonous smoke breathe as a hatchling and quickly became very very sick. The Icewing scientist was absolutely outrage that the first Allwing to successfully hatch was going to perish soon, and so he abandoned Omen in the freezing winter storm and went back to his studies. She was no use to him anymore, although he did regret throwing her away so soon. Not because of his awful actions, he was upset he could not dissect her and study her body. His anger got the best of him, and he's quite annoyed about that. 

Omen was found crying in the storm, and was quickly found by Tardigrade, a Ice/Hivewing (They/Them). Tardigrade quickly  took Omen in and managed to heal Omen's poison, as it had the same properties as an old poisonous plant from her old home. Once she made the remedy Omen was quite spry, it took a while for Omen to control the smoke but she learned before she could get severely sick again. She even gained some immunity to it. Tardigrade raised Omen like their own daughter. Although Tardigrade was not a innocent dragon, a bounty hunter. They killed many dragons, and even more to protect their sweet Omen. 

When Omen turned 4 years old sadly Tardigrade fell ill and passed away. With this Omen used the skills Tardigrade taught her and began her nomadic life. Tardigrade's death still haunts Omen, her nightmares are filled with their death. She gets barely any sleep now. As time went by she became harden and paranoid. Many dragons hunted her down as a trophy, others stole from her. She became what others call a monster, "death itself". Stories began of her awful kills and her bruteforce. She still wished even with dragon's necks in her mouth, seering the scales of dragons with her stinger that maybe Tardigrade could be brought back. 

When Omen was 8 years old she almost died, this time ambushed by one of the 5 Sandwing Gangs that now rule Sandwing territory. One member of the Sandviper Gang had knocked her out and began suffocating her, she was powerless to this dragon. But she was saved, the Bone Gang rushed the member, killing them immediately and quitely. Omen was taken in, nursed back to health by Bonez, the leader of the gang and the most powerful gang in the territory.  Bonez made an offer, stay with us you'll be safe, feed and warm. But you'll have to work for me, Omen nervous but being reminded of the family she once had she accepted. Now she's Bonez personal bodygaurd/henchman. Omen still mourns over Tardigrade but now she has a family, a disfunctional family with lots, lots of issues but a family nevertheless. Her and Bonez are very, very close. 

Her crazy fighting from her young years have now been carved to be brutal, precise and dominating. Even with her disadvantages she is quite the opponet and their are many stories of her battles and kills. She kills if she has to, and while she does have her morals now she will kill those who pose a threat to Bonez or her family. She will do absolutely anything, even if it means killing the Preist of Pests. Her weapons are her claws, stingers and horns, but she has been trained in weapons. When she is not killing or intimidating threats, she's often found by Bonez. 

Voiceclaim: Death (Puss in Boots) --- ★ Not for Other's Use ★ ★ Feel Free to Take Inspiration but Credit Me ★ ★ NOT FOR AI USE OR NFT USE! YOU WILL BE BLOCKED AND BLACKLISTED ★ ★ DO NOT REPOST/TRACE/EDIT! YOU WILL BE BLOCKED AND BLACKLISTED ★ DA: https://deviantart.com/glitterbonez TW: twitter.com/GLITTERBONEZx FA: https://furaffinity.net/user/glitterbonez/… Tumblr: khaleern.tumblr.com/

[calzona-ga]

In her unauthorized book, Lynette Rice explores the stories behind some of the ABC drama's biggest moments, including — in this exclusive excerpt — the factors that led to McDreamy's shocking death.

In How to Save a Life: The Inside Story of Grey’s Anatomy, author Lynette Rice recounts the ABC medical drama’s eventful 16-year history, revealing new details behind some of the show’s biggest departures. Included in the unauthorized, 320-page oral history (St. Martin’s Press, Sept. 21, $29.99) is a chapter that offers new insight into leading man Patrick Dempsey’s shocking exit in season 11 of the Shonda Rhimes-created drama. In the chapter, Rice speaks with Dempsey’s co-stars and exec producers who were present during filming of his final days on Grey’s Anatomy, and reveals claims of “HR issues” that contributed to the death of his alter-ego, Derek “McDreamy” Shepherd.

“There were HR issues. It wasn’t sexual in any way. He sort of was terrorizing the set. Some cast members had all sorts of PTSD with him,” recalls exec producer James D. Parriott, who was brought back to the series to oversee Dempsey’s exit.

In more than 80 interviews with current and former cast- and crewmembers, Rice, an editor-at-large at Entertainment Weekly, also explores the show’s early days, recounts the thinking behind some of its more polarizing storylines and offers exclusive details about the show’s behind-the-scenes culture.

“After 17 seasons, fans still can’t get enough of Grey’s Anatomy,” Rice tells THR. But what went down behind the scenes was just as dramatic as what viewers saw every Thursday. I’m excited for fans to read what I learned about those early days, along with what it was like to work for Shonda Rhimes, and why the drama was so freakin’ headline-prone.”

Below, The Hollywood Reporter shares an excerpt — the full eighth chapter — from How to Save a Life, and tune in Friday to TV’s Top 5 for an interview with Rice about her book and the other big reveals she uncovered in her reporting for it.

(Reps for ABC, ABC Signature, Shondaland, and Dempsey declined comment on the reveals in Rice’s book.)

“He’s Very Dreamy, but He’s Not the Sun,” Or, How Grey’s Anatomy Loved — Then Learned to Live Without — Patrick Dempsey Ellen Pompeo may have played the titular role, but for many fans over many years, Patrick Dempsey was the real draw to Grey’s Anatomy. Some of it had to do with his celebrity: Dempsey was the most famous member of the original cast at the time of the pilot and brought with him quite a cult following from his 1987 movie Can’t Buy Me Love. But a lot of it was due to the way Rhimes wrote her McDreamy and how Dempsey depicted him. James D. Parriott I would say, “The guy would never say that,” and Shonda would say, “He’s McDreamy. He’s the perfect man. He would say that.” I’d say, “Okay. It’s your show.” Eric Buchman Shonda had a very clear idea of how important it was to keep Derek as this almost idealized love interest, not just for Meredith but for the audience. Naturally, the writers—especially writers who had been working on one-hour dramas for a while—were like, “Well, maybe have McDreamy make a big mistake in surgery and kill somebody. Or he develops an addiction of some kind. What is his deep, dark secret?” Shonda was very insistent: that’s not the character we do that with. Even when you find out he’s married, that was done in a very sympathetic way that kept him being a hero. He was wronged by his spouse and in spite of it all he was still gonna give his marriage a second chance. Stacy McKee Shonda was protective of McDreamy, but it was really with an eye toward being protective of Meredith. I don’t think the two were separate from one another. I don’t think she wanted to put something out there that maybe on the surface might seem a little frivolous. At its core, there was something really substantial that she wanted to say. She wanted to be very specific about the type of relationship values that she put out there. Tony Phelan I was in editing with Shonda once, and it was the scene where Meredith and Derek had broken up. He comes over and she’s like, “I can’t remember the last time we kissed.” And he says, “I remember. You were wearing this and you smelled of this …”

Joan Rater “Your shampoo smelled like flowers, you had that sweater on …” He described their last kiss. Tony Phelan Typically in editing you start on Derek, then you cut to Meredith for a reaction, and then you’ll go back to him. I noticed that we weren’t ever cutting back to Meredith. I asked why. Shonda said, “Because the woman in Iowa who’s watching this show wants to believe that Patrick is talking to her, and if you cut back to Meredith, it pushes them out of it.” In those special moments, we would just lock into Derek and let him do his thing. Joan Rater And he was a master at it. Patrick Dempsey He’s the ideal man, and that’s what Shonda constructed. There’s a projection [of him] onto me when you come in contact with fans, certainly with the younger and older fans. There is a certain amount of expectation. There is a responsibility to it. It made me grow, too. There were good qualities [of his] that you work on to obtain. Off camera, Dempsey was equally as charismatic to his fellow actors, crew members, and anyone who would come to visit the set. Lauren Stamile I was going in to meet him, and I remember I had this little cardigan sweater on and I took it off before I got into the room. Dempsey is one of those people—it’s almost like there’s a light shining around his body, and you feel like you’re the only person in the room. I got so hot and I remember saying, “Gosh, I would take off my sweater if I had one on because I’m so hot, but I took it off.” I was just babbling. He said, “You look nice,” and I said, “You look nicer.” I felt so awkward and he was so gracious and lovely. I was having a nervous breakdown. It’s like this “it” factor. I was like, God, whatever he has, I wish I had. I think it was very obvious how nervous I was, and he went out of his way to make sure he introduced me to everybody and made sure I felt comfortable, which he certainly didn’t have to do. But he did. Joan Rater He knew I had a giant crush on him, and he loved it. And when we’d go to table reads—I was an actress at one point in my life—they would always give me Meredith if Ellen wasn’t there. And I’d be getting my chicken tenders at craft services before the table read and he’d come up behind me and say, “Are you reading Meredith?” in my ear, like, so sexy. I’d be like, Oh my God. I mean, I could barely … I could not look at him. Tina Majorino I worked with Patrick a ton. I love him so much. We had a really great time working together. I think he’s such a great actor and he really made me laugh a lot. I feel like we had a good dynamic in scenes together, and it was always fun to play opposite him. Yes, he’s that charismatic in real life. Yes, his hair is that awesome. Yes, he is dreamy up close.

Chandra Wilson Patrick Dempsey will forever be known as Grey’s Anatomy’s McDreamy. Derek Shepherd is a permanent part of television history.

Norman Leavitt He is a big, personable guy.

Jeannine Renshaw We all love Patrick. Patrick is a sweetheart. If I saw him on the street, I’d give him a hug. I love the guy.

Mark Wilding I’ve always had a soft spot for Patrick. He really does try to do the right thing. Brooke Smith, who played Dr. Erica Hahn, remembers how Dempsey defended her when the decision was made to fire her from the show in 2008. Brooke Smith I remember calling him and saying, “Oh my God, they said they can’t write for me anymore, so I guess I’m leaving.” And he was like, “What are you talking about? You’re the only one they’re writing for.” Which at that time, it kind of did feel that way. But I guess someone didn’t like that. They gave me a statement [to release, about her departure] and I never said it. Patrick said that he actually took it out of his jacket on The Ellen DeGeneres Show and read the statement. He won’t let me forget it. He was like, “I defended you, see?” And it was true.

By season eleven, however, fans saw a disturbing break in MerDer’s once unbreakable bond. Six episodes had gone by without a peep from Derek, who was supposedly in Washington, D.C., where he had apparently made out with a research fellow. Fans began threatening to bolt if their hero didn’t return soon to Seattle. “I have never missed one episode,” wrote a fan on Dempsey’s Facebook page. “But I swear if [Rhimes] kills you off I’m done.” But there was a critical reason for Derek’s strange absence: behind the scenes, there was talk of Dempsey’s diva-like fits and tension between him and Pompeo. To help manage the explosive situation, executive producer James D. Parriott was brought back in to serve as a veritable Dempsey whisperer.

Patrick Dempsey [That] was the first year that I haven’t been in every episode. I [was] in every episode since the pilot— close to 250 episodes. That [was a] huge run. James D. Parriott Shonda needed an OG to come in as sort of a showrunner for fourteen episodes. There were HR issues. It wasn’t sexual in any way. He sort of was terrorizing the set. Some cast members had all sorts of PTSD with him. He had this hold on the set where he knew he could stop production and scare people. The network and studio came down and we had sessions with them. I think he was just done with the show. He didn’t like the inconvenience of coming in every day and working. He and Shonda were at each other’s throats.

Jeannine Renshaw There were times where Ellen was frustrated with Patrick and she would get angry that he wasn’t working as much. She was very big on having things be fair. She just didn’t like that Patrick would complain that “I’m here too late” or “I’ve been here too long” when she had twice as many scenes in the episode as he did. When I brought it up to Patrick, I would say, “Look around you. These people have been here since six thirty a.m.” He would go, “Oh, yeah.” He would get it. It’s just that actors tend to see things from their own perspective. He’s like a kid. He’s so high energy and would go, “What’s happening next?” He literally goes out of his skin, sitting and waiting. He wants to be out driving his race car or doing something fun. He’s the kid in class who wants to go to recess.

Patrick Dempsey It’s ten months, fifteen hours a day. You never know your schedule, so your kid asks you, “What are you doing on Monday?” And you go, “I don’t know,” because I don’t know my schedule. Doing that for eleven years is challenging. But you have to be grateful, because you’re well compensated, so you can’t really complain because you don’t really have a right. You don’t have control over your schedule. So, you have to just be flexible.

Longtime Crew Member Poor Patrick. I’m not defending his schtick. I like him, but he was the Lone Ranger. All of these actresses were getting all this power. All the rogue actresses would go running to Shonda and say, “Hey, Patrick’s doing this. Patrick’s late for work. He’s a nightmare.” He was just shut out in the cold. His behavior wasn’t the greatest, but he had nowhere to go. He was so miserable. He had no one to talk to. When Sandra left, I remember him telling me, “I should’ve left then, but I stayed on because they showed me all this money. They just were dumping money on me.”

Patrick Dempsey It [was] hard to say no to that kind of money. How do you say no to that? It’s remarkable to be a working actor, and then on top of that to be on a show that’s visible. And then on top of that to be on a phenomenal show that’s known around the world, and play a character who is beloved around the world. It’s very heady. It [was] a lot to process, and not wanting to let that go, because you never know whether you will work again and have success again.

Jeannine Renshaw A lot of the complaining … I think Shonda finally witnessed it herself, and that was the final straw. Shonda had to say to the network, “If he doesn’t go, I go.” Nobody wanted him to leave, because he was the show. Him and Ellen. Patrick is a sweetheart. It messes you up, this business.

James D. Parriott I vaguely recall something like that, but I can’t be sure. It would have happened right toward the end, because I know they were negotiating and negotiating, trying to figure out what to do. We had three different scenarios that we actually had to break because we didn’t know until I think about three days before he came back to set which one we were going to go with. We didn’t know if he was going to be able to negotiate his way out of it. We had a whole story line where we were going to keep him in Washington, D.C., so we could separate him from the rest of the show. He would not have to work with Ellen again. Then we had the one where he comes back, doesn’t die, and we figure out what Derek’s relationship with Meredith would be. Then there was the one we did. It was kind of crazy. We didn’t know if he was going to be able to negotiate his way out of it. It was ultimately decided that just bringing him back was going to be too hard on the other actors. The studio just said it was going to be more trouble than it was worth and decided to move on.

Stacy McKee I don’t think there was any way to exit him without him dying. He and Meredith were such an incredibly bonded couple at that point. It would be completely out of character if he left his kids. There was no exit that would honor that character other than if he were to die. Patrick Dempsey I don’t remember the date [I got the news]. It was not in the fall. Maybe February or March. It was just a natural progression. And the way everything was unfolding in a very organic way, it was like, “Okay! This is obviously the right time.” Things happened very quickly. We were like, “Oh, this is where it’s going to go.”

So that was that: McDreamy would die in episode twenty-one of season eleven, even though Dempsey was in year one of his recently signed two-year contract extension. Rhimes wrote a script that was befitting of her lead’s heroic persona: she began “How to Save a Life” by having Derek witness a car crash and helping the injured. Once it appeared everyone was out of harm’s way, Derek continues on his road trip but is suddenly broadsided by a truck.

Rob Hardy (Director) The paramedics leave. He’s there by himself. He’s having a moment. The nice music is playing, and all of a sudden, bang. It comes out of nowhere, which, you know, is how accidents happen. So as opposed to watching it as a viewer, we saw the accident happen through Derek’s perspective. Derek ends up at Dillard Medical Center, a hospital far from Grey Sloan and the talented doctors who work there. His eyes are open, but his brain is severely damaged. No one hears his plea for a CT scan; he can’t speak. To help keep the episode a secret, the scenes were shot in an abandoned hospital in Hawthorne, California, about twenty-two miles from the show’s home studio in Los Feliz.

Mimi Melgaard It was really hard on all of us because it was so secretive and we had so many different locations. We shot at this closed-down hospital that was absolutely creepy haunted. All the scenes there were so sad anyway, and in this yucky-feeling haunted hospital? It was really weird. His whole last episode was really tough. Patrick Dempsey It was like any other day. It was just another workday. There was still too much going on. You’re in the midst of it—you’re not really processing it. Rob Hardy Here’s a guy who’s immobile. Now you’re inside of his head. We were trying to make that feel scary from the perspective of a person who’s used to being in control, from a person who usually has the power of life and death in his own hands. But now he doesn’t have the ability to speak on his own behalf.

Samantha Sloyan When I went to audition, I didn’t recognize any of these doctors’ names. I assumed they were just dummy sides so people wouldn’t ruin the story line or anything like that. All we knew is that we were dealing with a man who’s been in a car accident. I had no idea that it was going to be Derek. I just figured I was going to be a guest doctor and that whoever this person was who was injured, was going to be just a character on the show. Once it became clear what we were working on, I was like, Oh, my gosh. I can’t believe this is the episode I’m on.

Mike McColl (Dr. Paul Castello) I signed an NDA before they would release the script to me. I was reading it in my house, and I was like, “Oh, my God.” I didn’t tell anyone, including my agents. I just said, “This is a really great booking. It’s a great role on Grey’s.” And they didn’t know anything until it aired.

Savannah Paige Rae (Winnie) The first scene I shot was actually the sentimental scene when I’m saying, “It’s a beautiful day to save lives, right?” I’m in the hospital room with Derek and talking to him. Even though I never watched the show, I recognized the value of the episode I was in and just really took it to heart. It was so special that I got to be a part of it.

Rob Hardy [Patrick] had a lot of emotions during the whole shoot, which evolved. I think when we first started, he was very calm and cool … the same Patrick that I remembered when I worked on the show a year or so before. With each passing day, he was a lot more emotional. A lot more was on his mind, and that would show itself in different ways. The finality of the episode and for his character was setting in. You’ve become a global icon on this show and then in five, four, three, two, a day … it’s over.

James D. Parriott Patrick was very cooperative and good.

Mike McColl When I met Patrick, he’s lying on a stretcher and we’re rushing him into the ER. I just introduced myself, shook his hand, and was like, “Man, I cannot tell you what an honor it is to be the guy to take you down.” He loved it. He could not have been nicer to me and was funny through the whole shoot. He was on the table in front of me there when I cut his chest open and all that stuff. He gave me a hug at the end. It was a real privilege to be a part of TV history in that way.

Samantha Sloyan I remember him being incredibly kind. They had his neck in a brace, and he’s strapped down to the board, so there wasn’t a ton of chatting. I remember him being really kind, but it was clearly intense for him.

Stacy McKee It was such a beautiful piece of storytelling. I knew this event was going to be a really sad, horrible event for Meredith, but I also knew it was going to be the beginning of such an incredible chapter for Meredith.

Dempsey completed his final hours of shooting on a rainy night. There was no goodbye party, no goodbye cake. Maybe that’s because some cast members were left out of the loop. James Pickens, Jr., told ABC News that the cast “didn’t know a whole lot. It was kind of on the fly. So whatever information we got, we pretty much got it kind of right before it happened.”

Caterina Scorsone (Dr. Amelia Shepherd) I didn’t get to say goodbye to Patrick when he left. I do think that helped, because I’ve been using the character of Derek in my internal landscape since Private Practice. Derek was the stability in Amelia’s life. He became a father figure after they watched robbers shoot their father. When he was suddenly gone from the show, we didn’t have that closure, so I got to play it out. She’s about to use drugs again before Owen confronts her in a way that she finally talks about her feelings about losing Derek. She doesn’t end up using.

James D. Parriott The day he left, that was my last day. There was a certain sadness to it, but I think he was relieved. I mean, I think it took a toll on him, too.

Rob Hardy I didn’t see other actors showing up and saying, “Hey, it’s the last day! Wanted to come and wish you well.” I didn’t get that. It was more the Patrick show. We were in the Patrick world, and then Ellen came, and there was definitely a lot of emotion that both of them had individually … not necessarily together. It was more so her being there on the day that he died. He had his own way of being with that, and the same thing with her. It was like two people who grew up together and … here we are. They had their own way of reflecting.

Patrick Dempsey I very quietly left. It was beautiful. It was raining, which was really touching. I got in my Panamera, got in rush-hour traffic, and two hours later I was home. Big news like this doesn’t stay quiet for long. Both Michael Ausiello—who left EW in 2010 to launch the news site TVLine—and Lesley Goldberg of The Hollywood Reporter learned two weeks prior to Dempsey’s final episode that he would be leaving the show. No reporter worth their salt wants to sit on a scoop—least of all one as huge as this—but Ausiello and Goldberg didn’t want to spoil the outcome for fans, so they agreed to hold the story until after the episode aired. I eventually found out, too, but in the nuttiest way imaginable: I was standing on the set of CSI: Cyber, watching Patricia Arquette talk about some droll techno-criminal. Unfortunately, the publicist also cc’d Dempsey’s manager and ABC publicist while trying to give me a major story, so I couldn’t immediately report the scoop. But I did use the information to successfully negotiate the one and only exit interview with Dempsey. Two weeks before his final episode, I met him and his publicist at Feed Body & Soul in Venice, California, for a story that would hit newsstands on April 24. He seemed a little shell-shocked and at one point choked up, but at the time he said nothing about how his on-set behavior may have contributed to his ouster. My editor, Henry Goldblatt, wanted to put him on the cover of Entertainment Weekly, but he couldn’t guarantee to ABC that no one would see it before the episode aired. Good thing we didn’t: some subscribers got the issue on the morning of Dempsey’s final episode— and one actually tweeted the story. Our PR department tried to get the tweets removed, but the cat was out of the bag: some fans found out early that McDreamy was about to be McHistory. Outlets like Variety reported how the story got out early, while our PR department released this statement: “We are surprised that an EW subscriber may have received their issue a day earlier than planned. We always try our best to bring readers exclusive news first. We would like to apologize to fans of the show that learned the news ahead of time.” Dempsey’s final episode was watched by 8.83 million viewers—the show’s largest audience since the premiere that season. Variety even pontificated whether the ratings boost was due to my exclusive with Dempsey.

Lesley Goldberg (The Hollywood Reporter) I’m used to working with networks to hold news as part of their efforts to guard against plot spoilers. But the way Patrick Dempsey’s exit was handled involved a layer of paranoia and secrecy that has been unlike anything I’ve seen in my reporting career. News that he was leaving, and his character being killed off, would have been a major story considering how big the show is domestically and internationally. However, it also would have meant spoiling the episode and, more important, damaging key relationships I’ve worked hard to build. At some point, publishing the news of Dempsey’s exit before the episode aired became an ethical question of what was more important—a big story and its subsequent traffic, which would have come no matter what, or the relationships and trust that it took years to craft. Ultimately, I still published early because EW subscribers received the issue with Lynette’s Dempsey interview before the episode aired.

Mike McColl The morning after Derek’s last episode aired, my daughter sent me a link that was on YouTube or Facebook or something. I actually pulled it up to look at it, and it was a Grey’s Anatomy showbiz cheat sheet. It asked the question “Who is the attending doctor who killed Derek ‘McDreamy’ Shepherd?” It included a photo that I posted from the set. I had on a bloody rubber glove and was in my scrubs and mask. I never obviously would have posted this before it aired. I posted it well after the episode aired, and I [captioned it] “McDeadly.” This writer said something like, “Kill McDeadly.” Maybe that’s why the producer didn’t choose a big-name actor to be the one who killed our beloved McDreamy! I want to be ultrasensitive to these hard-core fans because it means so much to them, and I certainly didn’t mean in that case to make light of it. It’s just, I’m an actor, and I recognize it for what it is. Is everybody clear on the fact that this is just pretend and Patrick knew he was going to be leaving the show? It was just like, “God. He’s okay. He really is okay.”

Peter Horton Derek was going to be there forever with Meredith because you went through a whole journey with them. That was incredibly fulfilling. So even if he’s not there, he’s there. I don’t think any of us really worried about that going away because by then you were so invested in it. The show can last as it has for years.

Patrick Dempsey Lots of people [miss him]. “It’s good to see you alive” is the comment I get. I’m like, “Yes, I’m very much alive in reruns.” People were really invested in that relationship. I knew it would be heavy. Very happy to have moved on with a different chapter in my life.

Samantha Sloyan The montage just killed me, when Meredith says, “It’s okay, you can go.” God, I’m getting choked up just thinking about it. The chemistry they have as a pair and the way they were able to build that and sustain it! So many of these relationships are, like, “Will they, won’t they,” and then it wears thin. They sustained it for the duration of their relationship on the show, and it’s just, I think, a testament to what those two created. It was just unbelievable.

Pompeo addressed Dempsey’s departure with a tweet that focused solely on his character, not on how she spent eleven years working side by side with him: “There are so many people out there who have suffered tremendous loss and tragedy. Husbands and wives of soldiers, victims of senseless violence, and parents who have lost children. People who get up every day and do what feels like is the impossible. So it is for these people and in the spirit of resilance [sic] I am honored and excited to tell the story of how Meredith goes on in the face of what feels like the impossible.” Meanwhile, fans futilely created a Change.org petition to reinstate McDempsey, while other, more desperate ones simply tweeted “We Hate You” to Rhimes.

Shonda Rhimes Derek Shepherd is and will always be an incredibly important character—for Meredith, for me, and for the fans. I absolutely never imagined saying goodbye to our McDreamy. Patrick Dempsey’s performance shaped Derek in a way that I know we both hope became a meaningful example— happy, sad, romantic, painful, and always true—of what young women should demand from modern love. His loss will be felt by all.

Talk about the mother (father?) of all postscripts: In November of 2020 Dempsey reprised his role as McDreamy in the season opener—but only in Meredith’s dreams. Stricken with COVID-19, an unconscious Meredith “imagined” reuniting with her husband on the beach. After talking exclusively to Deadline and saying how it was “really a very healing process, and really rewarding,” Dempsey would return for more beach-based episodes that would ultimately stand out as the best moments of season seventeen. “It was a second chance thing,” one ABC executive told me at the time. “Shonda likes a comeback. Also, they wanted him in their last season.”

[aflyingcontradiction]

The Magnus Archives Relisten: Episode 120 - Eye Contact

A cold and well-cleaned room, sterile metal tables that overflow with a gentle trickle of blood. The hearts that beat upon them spasm and spurt without any sort of rhythm, and were they to stand still for but a moment, it might become clear just how wrong they are in their construction. - Statement of Elias Bouchard

So when I first listened to this episode, I didn't realise that the statements referenced here are SPECIFICALLY those and ONLY those that Jon took himself. I also didn't remember what some of the references actually referred to. So I'm probably going to be spending this entire relisten going "Oh, that was THAT statement", starting with this bit, being clearly in reference to "Anatomy Class" (episode 34).

The doctor cannot bring himself to look at the tables, so instead, looks to the Archivist, whose eye watches him, and cannot close.

"Eye" singular sooo ... does dream!Jon appear as a cyclops? But no, I'm imagining him more as a three-eyed being. Two eyes closed in sleep, one Eye eternally open to watch.

Desperate, he tries to throw the apple at his observer, but it is too late. The doctor has forgotten how the elbows work, and wrenches it to the side with a sickening crack. He tries again to scream, but he hasn’t got the throat right, and the wheezing, half-choked gurgle that escapes would stir pity in the Archivist, if he had not heard it so many times before.

It's kind of fascinating to me that the doctor's nightmares focus not so much on the idea of inhuman strangers pretending to be human but on HIMSELF forgetting how to human. To be honest, that IS actually scarier, but not what I expected, exactly, given the origin of his nightmare.

He turns to see the familiar screen, the familiar woman beneath it. She looks up at him with an expression of recognition and weary dread. She types and types and types, her fingers a blur, flying across the keyboard, and yet never fast enough to outrun the relentless words that flow like dark water across the screen that stretches off into the sky.

Episode 65: Binary

He passes those places he can no longer watch – the silent wards of peeling skin, the empty warehouse of thick darkness and frightened children, the rusted train car that smells of eager, infectious hate.

Okay, so this one gave me trouble, so I ended up checking the Wiki to figure it out. The silent wards of peeling skin is Melanie's statement about the hospital. The empty warehouse of thick darkness and frightened children is Basira's statement about Rayner. The rusted train car is, once again, Melanie's statement. Why can he no longer access these? Basira and Melanie are both still alive, after all. Is it because they're being "protected" by their own Entities? But...

The rain is still there, though it is empty. The long and desolate road, slick with the downpour; a police car’s lights flashing over the unmoving van. The doors are open, and the too-familiar statues stand either side of the well-worn wooden box.

Daisy is about as Hunt as Hunt can be and has been for a long time, so why can he get to her nightmare just fine? So I don't get why Melanie's and Basira's nightmares aren't watchable.

Here he sees the train, twisted and pressed in on all sides, nothing but shrieking metal and cracked glass. He climbs inside, and takes his seat, mouth tasting of mud and soil, his eyes moving through the dust and grit unblinking.

Episode 71: Underground

He catches a glimpse of an advert above his seat: “Dig.”

"Dig" wasn't actually a statement taken by Jon, but then this nightmare is of the Buried, so it makes sense for it to be here anyway.

There is a door in front of him. A yellow door. He knows the dream it used to lead to; he knows it well. But that’s not where it leads anymore. He does not know what is behind it anymore, and he is deathly afraid of finding out.

This used to be Helen's nightmare, but of course Helen is now melded into the Distortion so yeah, going through that door would be one MESS of an experience.

The Archivist turns away. Behind him are the ants. They move like a terrible rolling wave along the hard-packed ground, and he can see every twitching antenna, every clenching mandible. Somewhere, underneath that twitching, burrowing mass, is the exterminator.

Episode 55: Pest Control

Before him rises an incinerator door, the glowing light of the flames curling around the cracks. With a wailing shriek, the door opens, and the burning silhouette that stands within is ingrained upon the Archivist’s racing mind. They smoke and sizzle, but still the worms crawl through her charred and pockmarked flesh, her now-singed red dress shifting with the movement beneath it.

Okay, this is interesting 'cause Jon is still in Jordan Kennedy's nightmare, but given how traumatised Jon was by Jane Prentiss, this may as well be his own. And his reaction to it as recounted by Elias actually does make it sound like this is one of the hardest dreams to watch because it hits so close to home.

When faced with her, he even longs for the terrible dream of the melted woman, who would see everything desolated without rhyme or reason. But she was beyond his reach the moment she knew he was there, so the Archivist can only stand and stare, as the hive goes about its infested, long-dead work.

Jude Perry (who somehow fucked off out of Beholding's reach)

The dark building is newer, but he knows it well; knows the two lost souls who creep through it with an alert hunger on their faces. He recognizes that look from the other hunter, whose dreams he has watched for so long. They stalk the darkness itself, and hope to catch and kill it before it can do the same to them. They see him watching, but they cannot catch his scent.

And this one is Julia and Trevor's nightmare.

At last, he is in the moonlit graveyard – the oldest of the dreams. It is peaceful, cool and damp, as the rolling, boggy fields stretch out in all directions. He hears her calling pathetically from the bottom of the graves, but by now he knows there is nothing he can do but stare. She begs to be released, to dream of this place no more, but there is nothing he can do.

And this is Episode 13: Alone.

Another dissection room, another figure standing in its centre – but this one is calm. She simply looks at him sadly, a pity in her face that burns him worse than any flame. More than anything, the Archivist wants to look away, to turn his eye from her gentle sadness, from the disappointment in what she sees in him.

Is this Georgie, then, who is beyond the reach of fear, even when she is still being watched?

Elias: Hello, Inspector. Martin. I’m, uh, sorry to hear about Tim

Until this point I was still hoping that Tim had somehow survived, despite the fact that the narrative was HEAVILY signposting that he wouldn't for multiple episodes.

Martin: You didn’t just see it in me? Elias: Honestly, I didn’t look. For all my power, I will admit I am not immune to making the occasional lazy assumption.

People keep making this mistake with Martin, don't they?

Peter: Oh, and if you want to talk to a counselor, the Institute will of course cover any cost.

Okay, but like, why exactly is the embodiment of isolating-yourself-and-never-talking-to-anyone-about-anything suggesting counselling? Is this something along the lines of ... making sure Martin doesn't actually talk to his friends and colleagues thing? Giving him an impersonal outlet that won't create the same sort of connection?

My impression of this episode

So I spent most of the first listen AND the relisten trying to figure out which reference goes with which statement, but actually, looking past the "spot the reference" game, this episode is very well written and when you let the horror of it sink in, it's really rather - well - horrific: all these people, endlessly relieving their trauma every night, including Jon who's being forced to watch and cannot look away. Where the overall plot is concerned: I did not imagine Martin getting Elias arrested or Peter Lukas becoming the new head of the Institute - at all. It is a pretty lovely set-up for the next season.

[green-and-grey-kenaz]

Solace in Plato

Language: English

Characters: Nico di Angelo, Will Solace, Chiron

Summary: With the now rather alarming prospect of actually reaching adulthood being a reality, Nico has agreed to tutoring under Chiron's guidance. When Plato is suggested as something to study, Nico is not impressed and avoids it. A few weeks later and Will Solace asks him whether he's actually read Plato or just an abridged version.

Just a little fic exploring their relationship and Nico's internalised issues with being gay.

Word Count: c. 2 500

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32634607

“I hate Plato.” Nico muttered, staring at the book placed in front of him as he sat in the library of the Big House. Having not had any formal education since the ‘30s, Chiron had taken it upon himself to help educate Nico should he wish to get exam results - which would be useful for getting a job or Athena believe it, going to University. Neither was a prospect that he had ever really considered possibilities but the alternative was staying here and helping out with the new recruits while Will went to University in a few years time or doing the same thing but in New Rome.

Because Will insisted that he wanted to help the world, not just demigods. Nico didn’t deserve him.

So he’d agreed to go along with this and when Chiron had asked him if there was any subjects he thought he might take at University (and after Nico had suggested undertaker, mortician or detective based on a TV show Will had told him about, don't ask) he had begrudgingly admitted that he had more than a passing interest in Classics. Try as he might, his childish obsession with mythomagic had left him with more than a passing knowledge of Classical characters and he got a strange, warm feeling in his chest when he knew the answer to ‘how do we kill this obscure monster’ and no one else did.

Based on these answers, he had a somewhat tailored learning with Classics in both Italian, English and the Original Ancient Greek (his Greek was amazing for his age - a by-product of being a half-blood - but apparently his English reading skills were that of a kid and his Italian not much better, Hades knew why) and more than his fair share of biology and chemistry. Will had been only too delighted to help him with the sciences, although was suspiciously absent when it came to physics and math, but that was OK, really, and he probably wouldn’t make a good mortician anyway because he shouldn’t pick careers based on how many spirits he could raise, tempting as it was. The rest of his schooling thought? That fell to Chiron.

And today? Well, apparently they had progressed onto Philosophy and a man who's work made Nico's stomach plummet. Plato.

“Why is that?” Chiron asked, a patient expression on his face. Nico just glowered at him but like Will, he seemed impervious to it. It was irritating when people did not cower and cave in to his glares. He was used to inspiring fear in others.

“Do I need a reason?” Nico his arms, leaning back on the chair, returning a dark gaze to the book as if he could cause it to wither and crumble under his gaze. If he could do it to food, why not books? Plato sat cheerfully happy there without so much as a speck of mold coming to grace it.

“When discussing philosophy, it can be rather helpful.”

“Well I just don’t like him. Pick some other philosopher.”

Chiron had stared at him for a good few seconds before relenting, choosing some other book and asking no further questions about it. Nico hated that he could feel just how his heart rate had picked up, thundering in his chest as if it would crack open his rib cage. He knew people suspected… that the people he tolerated as friends already knew and accepted him for his inclinations… for what he was… but he wasn’t ready to confront the proof that he was different. Wrong, a voice always threatened to whisper in his ear. An abomination. A freak of nature. Nico knew that he couldn't read Plato, not with Chiron standing there and dissecting the merits of this particular work. It was never easy to look in the mirror and see just how messed up you were.

Despite the time it took for his heart to return back to normal, he did manage the text they’d chosen and perhaps sensing his unease, Chiron had used it as a chance to work on his reading more than the philosophy. He even finished the lesson with a kind smile and was informed that his modern language skills had far approached where they should be for someone his age. This followed with a suggestion that he could go into translation work. It was tempting, he would be better able to hide away in a darkened room as a translator than becoming an academic (sadly, these days academics had more obligations to teach), so Nico nodded and promised to think on it.

Two weeks later found Nico sitting in the shadows of the forest while Will quizzed him on anatomy which counted as studying for both of them. Annoyingly Will was refusing to sit anywhere other than the sunlight and so had coerced Nico into what they had settled on as being called ‘a potential threat to his aesthetic’, or in other words, dappled shade. It had promised to be a rather lovely day until a topic best avoided reared its head.

“Why do you hate Plato?” Will asked suddenly, looking up at him with those bright eyes and that warm smile that made something in his stomach twitch and his throat clench. Nico knew he shouldn’t feel so ill at ease with these feelings. They hadn’t put a word on it but it was a thing that they were doing. Having feelings together, exchanged smiles and moments of laughter when he thought no one was watching. Once, Will had even placed his hand down a mere inch from Nico’s and he had let his little finger flicker to just once lightly tap against Will’s in thanks for the silent support. He’d felt sick with guilt afterwards, but what was new? The little moments of happiness more than made up for it.

“I just do. And Chiron shouldn’t have told you that.” He muttered, shifting to move back under the full shade of a tree, pulling his legs in to his chest as Will closed the book. Right, study was over. Nico wrapped his arms around his legs, finger shifting the skull ring as he felt the pressing anxiety to run and escape the potential fallout. How many people knew? No doubt his unnaturalness was being spoken of throughout camp as he sat here. They would prove Jason wrong that times had changed. Their eyes would follow him, judging and radiating hate for someone who was so different. He’d have to leave and go back on the run, abandoning all he had built here. Nico closed his eyes as the feelings became overwhelming and claustrophobic, grass yellowing beneath his feet.

“He was concerned.” Will said softly, shifting over to sit next to Nico and breaking his silent panic.

“I’m not talking about it.”

“Is it Plato’s Sympo-?”

“No.”

“Hm. That’s what Chiron thought as well.” Nico could hear amusement in Will’s voice and concern. He dropped his hands from twisting the ring, suddenly subconscious of his tell and instead twined blades of dead grass between his fingers and yanked. His hand opened to let the picked grass tumble back to the earth.

“Did you read the original or just hear an abbreviated version?” Will pressed.

“Have you read it?” Nico challenged, ripping up more grass.

“Not until last week. Chiron sat me down with it and we discussed it.”

“Then you know why I can’t stand Plato.”

“Abbreviated version, huh?”

Nico looked over to Will who did not look disgusted, upset or any of the other myriad of emotions that he would have expected. Did he not read the whole mankind were once male and female, now split and eternally trying to recombine with their other half? Which left them and whatever they had rather in the dirt. Because if there was one thing that was worse than knowing he wasn’t right, that there had been some huge mistake with his creation, it was knowing that someone as good as Will Solace had the same affliction. Sure, he could be annoying but Will deserved more than that. He shouldn’t be a broken half. If anyone deserve to be able to become whole once more, it was Will. Will, who was staring at him like he expected some answer and Nico shrugged, yanking more grass.

“So what? I was like eleven. Not exactly likely to go and read the actual version. I deserve credit for even doing that much.” He couldn't actually remember how he'd heard it. He had found out that it was from Plato's Symposium after he knew the story, that much he knew. He assumed either he had read it very young or perhaps some ghost had told him. Most of his pre-Camp Half Blood lessons had come from ghosts in one form or another.

“Perhaps you should. I rather liked the bit about the straights all being nymphomaniacs and adulters.” Will smirked.

Nico frowned, his body freezing as he blinked very slowly trying to make what Will had said align with what he knew. A frown tugged at his brow.

“What… do you mean…?”

“Well, the whole bit about there being people made of two parts, either two men, two women, or a man and a woman, always trying to get back together. And the same sex ones generally being the better lot. Well, more the two men combos because they weren’t necessarily the most progressive in Ancient Greece. But in the end, that’s just a story that Plato had Aristophanes, who was a comedic playwright, tell. It’s not really anything to be taken too seriously.”

How had no one told him that? A dark anger settled into the pit of Nico's stomach and he found himself wanting to track down whichever spirit had lied to him and- Will continued speaking, his voice too light for Nico to continue his thoughts and the seething hatred dissipated.

“Honestly, read it if you don’t believe me. Chiron sat me down and took me through the whole story, every boring line after every boring line. I’m not supposed to tell you this because he’d rather you told him when you’re ready but he kind of clocked that you and I-” Nico shot Will a death glare and Will held up his hands.

“I was going to say get on well! And yeah, considering your aversion to Plato, he thought it might be you heard a misrepresented version of that story. We both know about festering wounds so agreed you should learn the truth of the matter. Preferably not by forced study so I kind of had to get an impromptu philosophy lesson. I think Chiron intended me to be rather more subtle about his involvement but my assessment is that it is better to know that you’re not alone and that it’s OK.”

Nico did not want to stare at Will. He did not want to look shocked nor rattled. He focused on plucking more grass and trying not to feel pleased that Will could sit in silence, knowing he needed time to speak and for it not to feel awkward.

“I just.” Nico frowned. The story had not exactly haunted him but it had lodged itself into his chest as further proof of all he had been raised to understand. It felt like a screw had been loosened somewhere deep within. “It isn’t saying that… well…?”

“No,” Will smiled. “And, I mean, the best thing about it is Plato actually wasn't arguing for the gays or the straights. There’s just like this collection of discussion by some old dudes on the meaning of love and then Socrates comes in boom at the end and we get Platonic love , or the basics of it. Big advocation for love being about the search for the meeting of minds rather than physical stuff, which I think is a rather good way to look at it. It goes on to being about then true love is a love of knowledge. That’s what the whole thing is kind of about. I think. Most of it went over my head.”

“That… doesn’t sound so bad.” Nico admitted, his hands winding around some grass but not yet pulling. He focused on the texture of it in his palm and it ground him.

“Besides, it’s not like it’s the be all and end all.” Will continued. “It’s just some guy arguing about love two thousand years ago and what do they know?”

Nico hummed, chin resting on his knees as he stared out at the camp below them. Will moved to sit closer, mirroring his position merely a foot away. If either of them leaned just a bit, their head might rest on the other one’s shoulder and Nico did not shift away.

“I just… As long as I can remember I’ve always been told that love is between a man and a woman. I just seemed inescapable. It didn’t matter who was teaching…” It wasn’t easy and words caught in his throat.

“Look, I know it’s complicated and none of this is going to be easy but I just want you to know that if you need to talk about something, you have me. And if you don’t want to talk to me about it, then Chrion is there too-”

“No.” Nico said hastily, blinking in surprise at that. “That is… I’d rather talk to you than Chiron. About things.” He noticed that at some point, Will had placed a hand, palm upwards between them. Hesitantly, Nico slipped his hand down, ghosting his fingers over Will’s. He did not move or even look at him and somehow feeling safer in that knowledge Nico let his fingers intertwine.

It was better than the grass.

“But when I’m ready. There’s… I’ve got a lot to figure out about all this but I know whatever I think, I enjoy what we have and I don’t want to not feel this.” He twisted their hands so Will’s was on top now and his fingers brushed against Will’s knuckles and down the proximal phalange before circling the knuckles again. Will’s thumb brushed against his and Nico felt his body begin to tense against the warmth and sparks of feelings. In moments like this, it was hard to believe that what they had was wrong.

“I don’t want to not feel like this either.” Will smiled and the distance between them seemed less, although Nico could not say how the gap had closed.

If they really were two halves of a whole, Will had to be his better half, Nico reflected as he felt his head drawn to rest feather light on his… on Will’s shoulder. Yes, it felt like this might be completion or at the very least something that Nico had not felt for an even longer period: contentment.

[chicoriii]

🎶Made for @lovesquarefluffweek Day 1 - Concert 🎶

Please, click on the picture to see it in full resolution, it looks awful when small and Kwamis are hardly seen.

🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵

It’s the first time I take part in event like this. When I noticed concert day, I knew I need to do this, since instrumental music is my the biggest passion. I love jazz and classical piano so much, even though piano is not my favourite instrument.

It's great to combine my love for Miraculous and instrumental/classical music. I'm not a musician, but I can do it by drawing a fanart which illustrates music scene with my favourite side of Love Square.

🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵

It’s one of my first attempts at drawing humans from years, I’ve never been good at it, Miraculous gives me lots of motivations to improve my terrible skills. I prefer drawing things like animals or various creatures (so also Kwamis), but humans are getting more and more enjoyable. So there’s lots of anatomy mistakes and so on, but it’s not too bad for now, I guess. Despite I made many improvements during drawing it, there’s still something wrong with Marinette’s face and I couldn’t fix it enough.

🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵

Some background for this fanart:

I imagine it’s a first private concert which Adrien is playing specially for Marinette, he even rents a concert hall (he’s rich and romantic enough to something as much extravagant) when it’s not used. It’s not just one piece or two, he’s playing about 1-hour long piano recital (look at playlist below) only for his girlfriend (and magical creatures). It’s post-reveal, so Kwamis also can enjoy it without being hidden. While Tikki is excited about it not less than Marinette, Plagg is more interested in his Sugarcube, since he’s used to listening to Adrien’s piano and sometimes he’s playing with him. But rather cheerful jazzy-like improvised pieces, because he doesn’t like classical as much, especially sad compositions (Feast gave me some thoughts like these). Adrien decides to give a concert in a melancholic theme (so slow, soft, beautiful etc. pieces are played) to make this date as much romantic as he can. Even though blond boy is usually closing his eyes while playing on piano (like many instrumentalists), he can’t stop staring at his sweet girlfriend with his signature soft look™.

🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵

One of my the biggest wishes is to see a scene when Adrien is playing on piano specially for Marinette, any good composition (I don’t like that one from Heart Hunter), preferably classical one. And I’d love to see an episode with a classical instrumentalist based akuma, rock and pop are not the only musical genres out there.

Classical music (and instrumental music in general) is highly unappreciated, so I'm happy when it’s represented in media, especially kid shows. This is what I love the most about classic cartoons, there’s lots of classical music. The Cat Concerto, Tom and Jerry episode which won an Academy Award, is one of the best examples of very creative use of classical piece for a slapstick comedy. Liszt’s Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2 was even played by two pianist, by classical and jazz ones.

Classical music can be enjoyed by anyone who has some passion to music at least. It’s a very eclectic type of music where you can find everything. Classical is not only over 1-hour symphonies, there’s also compositions shorter than typical radio-friendly song. It’s not only serious music, classical can be also playful with very catchy melodies. Everyone can find something for themselves.

🎹🎹🎹🎹 Playlist 🎹🎹🎹🎹

I'm also enjoying choosing played pieces so much and it's too hard, since there's tons of beautiful piano music, though I know only a very small part of classical world. It’s about one-hour long concert, so also recordings were chosen to last about 1 hour together.

As sonata is a musical form with several movements (usually three or four) and since not all of them fit melancholic theme of this concert, Adrien play only one or two selected movements. For example only the first movement of extremely popular Beethoven's Moonlight sonata - Adagio sostenuto - is that dark and sad piece which everyone knows. The shortest second movement Allegretto is still not fast but quite cheerful, while the last Presto agitato is... Check it yourself, it's one of my favourites music moments ever. 😊

I also decided to try selecting lesser-known compositions (but it doesn't mean they are all little-known) to promote them, so there's a chance than maybe someone gives this music a shot and discover something new to appreciate.

Fryderyk Chopin - Nocturne in B flat minor, Op. 9 No. 1 - I couldn't choose anything else for the beginning. Nocturnes are my favourites Chopin's compositions and this one I love the most. No word describe how much I adore it, it's the most beautiful piece ever composed.

Franz Schubert  - Minuet in A Major, D. 334  - The first time I heard it, I thought about Adrien. I think this short sweet piece describes his childlike innocence quite well.

Fryderyk Chopin - Prelude Op.28 No.15 in D Flat Major, "Raindrop" - This thing is shown on the screen of Adrien's smartphone in few episodes (like Captain Hardrock), but for some reason it's not what's actually played. I have no idea if it was supposed to be played, but was changed after rendering was done or it's just an error. It's so nice composition, though not my favourite Chopin's prelude, even if it's the longest one. Unfortunately, the piece which is actually heard in the show is unknown for me, I'd love to discover it, but I can't. All I know it's definitely not any other Chopin's prelude.

Ludwig van Beethoven - Piano Sonata No. 31 in A-flat major, Op. 110 - I. Moderato cantabile molto espressivo and III. Adagio ma non troppo – Allegro ma non troppo - It’s almost the whole sonata, the only missing thing is the shortest second movement. It's probably my favourite piano sonata, so I couldn't not choosing it.

Franz Liszt -  Consolation No. 3 in D-Flat Major, S. 172 - If once I wonder why I love this, this is because it's so Chopin-esque.

Franz Schubert - Piano Sonata No.16 in A minor D.845 -  I. Moderato - I discovered this wonderful composition thanks to Nodame Cantabile, my favourite anime and manga ever, which is focused on classical music college students and professional classical musicians. Two main characters are also opposites who learn much from each other. I gave a link to the performance made specially for Nodame Cantabile, because I'm mostly attached to it. Usually this piece is played faster and it kills the atmosphere in my opinion. This rendition is the most emotional I've ever heard.

How would be this list without any French composers? I believe Ravel and Debussy are a mustm since they are the most known and important, I believe, and I also added something from Satie, because he wrote lots of soft compositions for piano solo. Chopin was also half-French (from his father), but: "Chopin's biographer Adam Zamoyski writes that he never considered himself to be French, despite his father's French origins, and always saw himself as a Pole." (source: Wikipedia) Besides Chopin's music is very Polish.

Maurice Ravel -  Jeux d'eau

Claude Debussy -  Rêverie

Erik Satie -  Gnossiennes: No. 1 - Lent

Maurice Ravel  - Ma mère l'Oye, M. 60: I. Pavane de la Belle au bois dormant  - finish it with something very short but so beautiful.

🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵

Many beautiful things are missing, probably the most fitting for this concert would be Liszt's Liebestraum No. 3, since it's love music essentially, but it's too well-known (one of the most popular if not the most popular compostion by Liszt) and I'm kind of tired of this. I'm also very sad because of Chopin's Prelude in E Minor, but two pieces of the same composers are enough and this is his the most known prelude, too. I couldn't not recommend this jazz trio cover, because it's too good, too atmospheric though a different take on this theme.

Jazz musicians are often turning compositions into something much different. Everyone knows Beethoven's Für Elise, one of the best- known and (in my opinion) boring classical pieces in existence, but this jazz trio cover (sorry, I can’t find it outside of Spotify and other streaming services, it’s a very niche band) is just outstanding, I can't stop listening to it! Jazz arrangements of classical music is something I love so much.

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 16X19

I loved this episode! I was really excited for it based on the promo information I saw and I was not disappointed! This episode is a partial standalone that focuses on a small handful of characters while also showing us what the other characters are doing and providing more background and insight on a select few. Standalone episodes are not my favourite, but I really liked this one. Let me set the scene. Richard, Maggie, Teddy, and Cormac are in Los Angeles for the LA Surgical Innovation Conference. Richard is excited because he’s there to present his PATH Pen to the world. Maggie is there to support him and loves these things so she’s pumped. Teddy is excited to have some kid free time to herself and Cormac does not want to be there at all.

We see Richard arrive at the Conference and meet up with Maggie. He calls her Meredith by mistake which is the first sign of trouble. He blames it on the long flight and tells her he’s rewritten his speech at least 20 times. Maggie tells him that she’s happy to be there and support him and that Meredith says she’s sorry she couldn’t be there as planned because her sitter got the flu last minute. I liked that they addressed why Meredith couldn’t be there. That really bothered me about the dinner party episode. The premise was that both Maggie and Jackson thought the dinner was for Catherine and Richard’s anniversary when in reality it was to tell them they were getting a divorce yet the fact that Meredith wasn’t invited or present was never addressed. Which to Maggie should have been the first clue that something was up, but it wasn’t addressed at all which made no sense because Meredith is the main character.

This episode went from zero to sixty real fast! Following this exchange we see Catherine appear at Richard’s hotel room and they make up. He spends most of the episode in his hotel room with Catherine writing and rewriting his speech and have a jolly good time doing it. I knew right away from how quickly they made up that something was wrong, but I couldn’t tell what it was. The reveal about Richard was the most shocking to me by far. My best friend, who I watch with, picked up on it way faster than I did. Next we see Teddy and Maggie meet up at something called Heart Valve Happy Hour. They’re talking about why they like these kinds of things when Maggie notices a guy named Winston from across the room. It turns out Winston was one of her residents at Tufts University when she lived in Boston. He’s very handsome and it turns out he had a crush on her but never did anything about it because she was his boss and he was resident.

He planned to ask her out when he became an Attending, but then Maggie moved to Seattle right before that happened so he never got the chance. It turns out the attraction is mutual and major sexy times ensue! Get it girl! After all of the BS that Jackson put Maggie through these last couple of seasons I am here for it! Get yours girl! Maggie deserves a hot hookup with a hot guy who’s into her and doesn’t try to change her and boy does she get it. They sleep together and then spend the remainder of the Conference having one long date where they talk by the pool and bond over having both lost their mothers in the last 2 - 3 years as they share their favourite movies and ideas of a perfect day. It’s super adorable and totally cute.

Everything is going great until Winston suggests that one of them move to either Seattle or Boston to be with the other. That was sudden! Maggie thinks so too. She tells Winston she likes him, but she needs time to weigh and measure and think. Winston says that’s fine and to take all the time she needs, but he doesn’t think he’ll feel any differently in the future. He’s into her and he’s willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. My first thought when Winston said that was, “Well they definitely haven’t talked about the sister house! ‘Cause there’s no way Maggie is leaving her sisters, nieces, or nephew for a former resident of hers she reconnected with at a Conference. Maggie’s not leaving her crew for that. Uh ah.”

I like that Winston within one episode is already 100 times better for Maggie than Jackson ever was. Jackson was always trying to change her and make her into something she’s not. Maggie deserves someone who loves her for who she is and doesn’t want or expect her to change. Winston is one of those characters that I think could go either way. Either this is a one time thing and this will be the last we see of him or he’ll pop up again later on as a recurring character after he moves to Seattle. Honestly, Winston really grew on me this episode and I’d love to see him again. Maggie deserves to have some fun with a hot guy that’s into her and likes her for who she is!

And Maggie’s not the only one who bumps into someone from her past. While sitting at the hotel bar Teddy bumps into Claire who it turns out is an old friend and former roommate of hers who also knew Teddy’s best friend Allison. And plot twist it’s surprise bisexuality that you never saw coming! Yes it turns out after six non-consecutive seasons of being on this show and never once showing the slightest bit of interest in women Teddy Altman is bisexual. I was shocked. This show never ceases to amaze me. We find out that Allison, Teddy, and Claire were roommates back in New York and that Claire and Teddy worked together. Claire and Allison were a couple, but we find out through a flashback that at the time of Allison’s death she and Teddy were having an affair behind Claire’s back. Claire tells Teddy that she suspected something was going on at the time but didn’t know for sure until she requested Allison's phone records. It turns out Teddy was the last person she tried to call as the Twin Towers collapsed around her. Not her parents, not Claire, but Teddy. This news leaves Teddy gutted and utterly devastated.

Here’s something interesting that I caught on re-watch. In the flashback to 2001 after Claire leaves for work Allison says she’s disappointed to hear Teddy has to work tomorrow because she wanted to invite her to breakfast at Windows on the World. I didn’t recognize the name so I looked it up. Windows on the World was a fancy restaurant that was part of the North Tower of the original World Trade Center complex. It’s a small detail but I thought it was a nice touch. I also thought there was something heartbreaking about Allison inviting Teddy to have breakfast with her at a restaurant that was part of the complex she worked at that would eventually become the site of her death.

Towards the end of the episode Teddy sees Claire sitting by herself in a quiet corner of one of the halls and decides to try and make amends. They both apologize and Teddy tells her about meeting Owen and how he saved her from a grief so big that it almost killed her and that for years she felt guilty for loving him half as much as she loved Allison and because he was with someone else and because she wasn't capable of letting someone love her fully. She realizes now that Allison loved both of them: Teddy and Claire. At the time, Teddy didn't believe it because she thought you couldn’t love more than one person at a time, but she does now. She tells Claire how very sorry she is for the betrayal. Claire says she could never stay mad at anybody for loving Allison and they hug it out.

Kudos to Claire for being such a good sport and being so amazing! I don't know if I would take what Teddy had to say that well. While the fact that there was more to Allison’s story and Teddy’s relationship to her was always implied I never saw this coming. I think if maybe they had dropped some hints now and again it might have been less shocking. They’ve dropped hints and made comments over the years about Amelia being bisexual, but never Teddy so I thought that was odd. I got the impression that they might have been trying to imply that what happened with Allison was so traumatic that Teddy stop dating women after that point, but it felt like they could have explained or explored that a little better.

Also they never established if Allison was the first woman Teddy dated. If that’s the case it’s possible that Teddy fell in love with Allison only and apart from that has only ever dated men which does happen. I hope we get some clarification on this in future episodes and they explore this more. There’s something else I want to point out about this storyline which is the stereotype of bisexuality and being unfaithful. As a straight person I didn’t pick up on this at all, but my best friend whose queer did. We watched the show together and afterwards she pointed out that more than one of the queer characters on Grey’s Anatomy seem to fall under the stereotype or misconception that bisexual people are more prone to cheating which in reality simply isn’t true.

She pointed out that we’ve seen other examples of this with Arizona and Callie. Arizona was a lesbian who cheated on her partner and was blatantly bi-phobic and had a real problem with Callie being bisexual. Callie was a bisexual woman who got cheated on by all of her partners gay and straight. As Grey’s is known for being progressive about a lot of stuff, including LGBTQ representation, I don’t think this is intentional, but I do think they could be more sensitive to it. Especially because there are still so many myths and misconceptions about the LGBTQ+ community out there and not everyone has someone in their life who is a part of that community.

I was surprised that Maggie and Teddy were so happy to see each at this Conference and were hugging it out like old friends. Last time we saw them together Maggie made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with Teddy’s drama and could she please stop confiding in her? Maggie and Teddy aren’t the only ones who receive a blast from the past this week! My new favourite character Dr. Cormac Hayes does as well. Cormac hasn’t been to a medical conference in a while and being there brings back memories for him of when he met his late wife Abigail. Lucky for us the audience gets to experience these moments as flashbacks which are by turns both hilarious and heartbreaking.

Hayes arrives at the Conference with his two teenage sons in tow. He flashes back to when he was younger and first saw his wife across a crowded room. He was a young doctor attending the same medical conference at the same hotel and she was handing out pens in the hotel lobby. Later on we see Teddy and Cormac having a drink at that Heart Valve Happy Hour event which apparently has free booze. Teddy comments that he doesn’t seem happy to be there. Cormac says he’s not and doesn’t really want to be, but Bailey asked him to come and represent Peds and he’s the new guy and it felt more like an instruction than a request so he came.

He tells her he brought his boys with him so that they could see their aunt who lives in LA. A sales rep comes over to talk to them. Cormac dislikes him instantly and we soon see why. We then see a flashback of Abigail approaching Cormac at a hotel bar. She’s handing out pens. He asks if she knows how they work and if she’s aware that the company she’s working for makes erectile dysfunction medication. It’s a great comedic moment and you get to see why they fell for each other. Abigail tells him she didn’t know that and that it’s no wonder none of the guys there will take the pens. She admits that she knows nothing about the company and she’s only there because her friend told her they would pay them $500 each to go hand out some pens at a Conference. She says that while that might not mean much to a big fancy doctor like him to a starving artist like her that’s rent money which is why she took the job.

She tells Cormac about her work and says that she’s a mixed-media artist. She tries explaining it to him but it’s clear that he doesn’t get it which she comments on. He says that all of the words make sense just not in that order. She says she has to get back to handing out pens. Cormac doesn’t want her to go so he takes all of them saying he uses a lot of pens. He offers to buy her a drink which she accepts. Years later we see Cormac, Abigail, and their boys in a hospital room. She’s sick with cancer and is anxious because she’s about to have a hysterectomy. Cormac sits next to her and does his best to calm her down. He reminds her that it’s a routine procedure and that the surgeon he found for her is great. Abigail is afraid that she’ll die. Cormac laughs because it seems impossible. To try and cheer up he makes a joke about how if she dies he and the boys will move on. He says it’ll be a tough couple of days, but then everything will be fine because as a surgeon and a sexy widowed father of two women will be lining up to go out with him and bringing him casseroles. He won’t have to work for it at all. They both laugh.

Time moves forward. We see that Abigail’s condition has worsened and things aren’t looking good. They’re on their second clinical trial and she’s now wearing a head wrap because she’s lost all of her hair to chemotherapy. The boys do their best to try and cheer her up. She asks them to go find her a ginger ale. They leave and it soon becomes clear why she wanted to speak to Cormac alone. She knows she’s dying and there’s a good chance that this trial won’t work which means he’ll be on his own soon. Cormac doesn’t want to believe that and tells her to stop talking like that because he can’t bear the thought of losing her.

He cries and tries to get her to stop, but she persists so he listens. She gives this gut wrenching speech about how he has to make sure the boys know it's okay to cry and feel everything and fall apart and be a mess. She doesn’t want them to bottle it all up and have their grief eat away at them. That it’s okay for him to fall apart too and that he needs to let the boys see that. She makes him promise to let the boys see her sister. She says she’s crazy, but she’s not a bad person and she loves them. This line cracked me up! She tells him that if he has trouble with the boys he should call his mother because Cormac is proof that the woman knows what she’s doing. Cormac cries at this and does his best to hold it together. She tells him it’s okay if Austin quits piano. She told him he’ll get better if he keeps practicing, but she’s pretty sure it’s hopeless. She also tells him to keep an eye on Liam's temper because he gets that from her and they’ve both seen the trouble that can cause. And one last thing, Cormac has her permission to fall in love again. She says he deserves to be happy. He says he doesn’t want that at all.

Abigail says she knows that which is why he needs to hear her say it. She doesn’t want him to feel guilty or beat himself up about it. She repeats his own words back to him from before she had her hysterectomy and reminds him that since women will be lining up he won't have to work for it. In the scene that follows we find out that Abigail has died and we see Cormac and the boys in the process of cleaning out her hospital room. Austin sits down on the bed crying. He doesn’t want to leave. Cormac goes and sits with him and says they can stay as long as he likes. Liam says the whole thing is stupid and you can tell he’s trying to be strong and hold it in. But in honouring Abigail’s wishes Cormac motions for Liam to come and sit beside him. He does and begins crying in Cormac’s arms. He comforts them and holds them while they grieve the loss of their mother and fall apart.

As soon as Cormac said that line about being a sexy widower I knew they were going to bring it back. It was too good not to. It also gives me hope for Meredith and Cormac’s budding romance. To me it’s the only thing that makes sense. Cristina sent Cormac as a gift to Meredith, multiple people in Mer’s life have commented on the sparks between them and how great they’d be together, and she’s the only one we’ve seen Cormac spend quality time with or show a romantic interest in. To me there was no point in including that line if they’re not meant to end up together. We saw across multiple seasons how Derek felt about Meredith and he was adamant that if something ever happened to him that she should move on and find love again.

He brought it up multiple times while he was alive and it’s a big part of why he encouraged her to connect with her sisters and his and why he pushed her to open up to the possibility of having kids. And once those kids were there he wanted them and Meredith to be surrounded by as much love as possible. He was adamant that if something ever happened to him he didn’t want Meredith to be alone and she’s not. These flashbacks with Cormac and Abigail and the boys provide us with similar information. We get to see how they fell in love and how he supported when she was sick. We get to see the love they had for each other and how much they love their sons.

We also get to see that both Abigail and Derek wanted similar things for the loves of their lives and their children in the event of their passing. They wanted them to find love and be happy because they deserve it. There are so many parallels here between Meredith and Cormac’s stories it’s mindboggling. To me this is the perfect set up for Cormac to finally pluck up the courage and ask Meredith out. He’s obviously wanted to for a while now, but I think he’s been reluctant up till now because he’s been grieving and wasn’t sure if he was ready or if she was. Then with the whole DeLuca situation he’s likely been wondering if it’s the right time or if it’s too soon. I think going to the Conference and reflecting on the time he spent with his wife will make him realize that it’s time to move on. Because at this point he’s done everything else that Abigail asked of him before she died. He let his boys know it’s okay to cry and fall apart and feel everything. He let them see him be weak and miss her and be a mess. He’s taken the boys to see their Aunt like he promised.

Although we don’t get confirmation on this he presumably keeps in touch with his mother. No word yet on whether Austin quit piano but it’s safe to assume that he did. He’s doing his best to keep an eye on Liam’s temper and make sure that he looks after Austin. But the one thing Cormac hasn’t done is let himself fall in love again until now. As Abigail said Cormac deserves to be happy and he shouldn’t feel guilty or beat himself up for moving on. I think spending time reflecting on that will help him see that it’s time to move on and move forward and that Meredith is a wonderful person who has the potential to be an amazing partner if he’s willing to take the risk and go for it.

When they first introduced Cormac as a character I had hoped that we’d get to see Meredith ask him out as we’ve never really seen that before. She’s usually the one who gets asked and we’ve never really seen her take an interest in someone of her own volition. All of her past romantic partners have all been people who either pursued her relentlessly even when she told them repeatedly to stop (which still bugs me) or people her friends pushed her into dating that she wasn’t really into. While I’d love to see her ask Cormac out on a date I think with everything that’s been going on with DeLuca she’d be reluctant to. DeLuca has had several very public meltdowns at this point. Most of which Cormac was present for. On top of that her best friend, Cormac’s co-chief, just up and left and the man whose been like a father to her since she was three is gravely ill.

Cormac knows all of that because he was either there at the time or heard about it after the fact. Meredith asking Cormac out with everything that’s going on could be seen by some as insensitive or too soon or inappropriate and I think Meredith is sensitive to that. People have been talking crap about her since Addison showed up in Season 1. She knows that which is why I think Cormac is going to have to be the one to ask her out. I have a feeling he’s been waiting for the right time, but as we all know with Meredith’s life there’s never a right time. Her life is always chaotic and there’s always something going wrong. I hope that with what he’s witnessed recently and the memories the Conference brought back Cormac can see that now and decides to go for it.

Back in the present, we find out why Cormac hates the sales rep so much. Cormac knows all about the firm's devices because their most popular model is used for minimally invasive hysterectomies. It turns out the device has little spinning claws that chop up fibroids, but the problem is that what looks like fibroids can in fact be cancer in which case the device spreads countless cancer cells to metastasize everywhere. Was anyone else horrified listening to Cormac describe that thing? It sounds terrifying and according to Cormac it’s just as deadly and awful as it sounds.

Yes it turns out the device this clueless sales rep is peddling is the device that killed Cormac’s wife Abigail. While explaining this Cormac takes the ice out the drink the rep gave him in order to illustrate his point. At that point I knew something was wrong and I think the rep should have too. Cormac was clearly agitated and the rep failed to pick up on that big time. That man should have read the room, apologized, and left. Instead he kept prattling on to Cormac and put his foot directly in his mouth by telling him that less than 1% of benign fibroids turn into uterine sarcomas.

Cormac says his wife Abigail was one of those 1%. That device took the mother of his boys and the firm is paying to suppress the proof that it kills people. He passes on the drink. The sales rep finally gets the memo and hightails it out of there. Cormac apologizes to Teddy for his outburst and leaves. And that’s what I like about Cormac. He gets loud and takes a stand when it matters, but he’s also quick to apologize for this behaviour. Not because he’s out of line but because he knows that behaving like that can be upsetting to other people and he knows that’s no fun to be around.

The big reveal about Richard comes towards the end of the episode shortly before Richard goes on stage to give his presentation. We see Richard in his hotel room, but as he looks back at Catherine she disappears. It turns out that she was never there to begin with. Richard’s been hallucinating all day and judging by his comment at the beginning his memory’s going as well. Which means it’s not just his hand and the problem is worse than we thought. Right at the end of the episode is when all of these worlds collide. We see Maggie wish Richard luck before his talk. Before heading into the lecture room herself she talks to Winston who talks about moving to Seattle or Boston to be together. Maggie, Cormac, and Teddy sit in the audience together and wait for the talk to begin. Back in Seattle we see Catherine pacing as Jackson sets up the live feed so they can see Richard’s presentation. It begins and Catherine says he looks handsome. Bailey joins them.

We see Meredith at her house sitting down on the couch with a bowl of popcorn. Zola gets the livestream going and Meredith asks how she knows how to do that. To which she replies, “Mom, Everyone knows how to do this.” Haha she cracks me up! Richard takes the stage and his talk begins and that’s when everything goes awry. He says he’s not going to talk about his PATH Pen anymore because this morning, with his brilliant wife's help, he has found a way to cure cancer. It quickly becomes clear that something is wrong as Richard starts talking about curing cancer and flipping through slides with hand drawn pictures of hearts and lungs and an atomic explosion. Maggie turns to Cormac and tells him that something is wrong and to help her get a gurney and get him off the stage.

Back in Seattle, Catherine tells Jackson she thinks he’s drunk. Zola is confused too and asks her Mom what Uncle Richard is talking about. Meredith says she doesn’t know and realizing that something is wrong asks her to get her phone for her. Back at the Conference Maggie tries desperately to get Richard to leave the stage with her. He says he’s fine and tries to continue. And that’s when things go from bad to worse because he looks at Maggie, his own daughter, and asks who she is. Cormac tries to help guide him off the stage and in response Richard becomes uncharacteristically aggressive and pushes him telling him to get his hands off him. Maggie and Cormac forcibly remove him from the stage against his protests. Maggie tells them to cut the feed which they do and yells for someone to call 911.

As the episode ends, we see Maggie walking with the paramedics who are wheeling Richard out of the hotel on a gurney. Richard is confused and asks what's going on. As they leave they walk past Winston on their way out. This scene absolutely gutted me! It was so hard to watch! Also where does Catherine get off saying he’s drunk? That man has been sober for years. He’s not cheating on her and all of their problems are in her head goddamnit. My heart broke for Maggie as she realized something was terribly wrong. My heart broke again for Meredith as she sat at home and realized the same thing but was unable to help from so far away.

Until next time!

[landeg]

31 Days of Apex: A Retrospection

I participated in the incredible #31DaysOfApex challenge hosted on Twitter, where fans created new content for every day of July based on a one-word prompt. I’ve signed up for/started lots of similar challenges in the past but always ended up having to drop out or trail off before the end... but this time, I managed to complete something for every day of the challenge!

My only goal was to make something by each day’s deadline, and it was a really interesting exercise both in technical skill and also in my management of not only my time, but my expectations and energy. Below, I go into more detail behind each piece.

To preface; the beginning of this challenge coincided with the beginning of a new personal time-management exercise where, for 5/7 days a week, I would only go on the computer at night. Combined with the deadline, this had an interesting effect on my time management and the quality of certain pieces.

Day 1 - Memory

From the start, I wanted to use the challenge as an opportunity to do more studies and to push myself wherever possible. This was the first piece I did and I had more time to work on it, so I used it as a digital painting study. I still think it’s a strong piece and it’s probably my favourite of the month. Symbolically, this character’s backstory doesn’t match up with her own memories, so the idea is she’s missing information she can’t quite place or remember, and this both scares and comforts her.

Day 2 - Blood

Another digital painting and lighting study that didn’t work out as well as the first, mostly due to time constraints meaning I couldn’t scrap it and start again. While I don’t like how it turned out, I did learn a lot. The character on the right is a field medic, and my intent was to show the calm after a successful rescue.

Day 3 - Mercy

Some days I relied more on the humour of a piece’s concept than the skill of its execution, though I also liked how this piece turned out artistically. After two days of intense studies, though, this was very quick and easy for me to turn out as it relied on existing skills.

Day 4 - Prize

This one thankfully came together very quickly, which I credit to the two previous painting studies making it much easier to achieve what I wanted. The character is searching for the disembodied head of the man who killed her parents, who is now acting as a robot, hence the vaguely half-machine-half-human silhouette in her hand.

Day 5 - Family

Another quick, simple illustration under a time crunch. The character framed by the nameless foreground figures has no memory of herself or her family.

Day 6 - Noise

For some pieces where I was under a time crunch, I experimented in an opposite direction; instead of studies, I played loosely with different techniques/brushes/etc to see what came out. This was a lineless style I ended up employing a lot when short on time. The piece pictured here was just one of four alternate colourways, presented in a pop-art style. The character is almost always depicted with thick coverings over her ears, so I thought she might be sensitive to auditory overload. This particular piece was retweeted by the character’s voice actress!

Day 7 - Mask

More relying on humour for lack of time/a better idea. A fun experiment in colour, though.

Day 8 - Healing

Another technically “easy” piece but with a stronger concept. It was actually pretty hard to get the reflection & condensation elements balanced right. The character pictured has a narrative thread relating to an old ex he has trouble moving on from.

Day 9 - Weapon

While obviously another joke, and made to be finished quickly, it was surprisingly difficult to get the duct tape and knife to read clearly without over-cluttering the lineless image. This little ‘bot is a drone used by one of the playable characters to hack areas of the map; it’s not NORMALLY an offensive weapon. This image was promo’d in a video stream by the character’s voice actor!

Day 10 - Truth

I only had less than an hour to finish this one by the deadline, but I still tried to experiment with silhouette and colour. It was surprisingly hard to get the interior silhouette to be legible. The outer silhouette is a playable character (not easily readible unless you’re familiar with his design) and the inner silhouette is his sister, whose disappearance he is trying to investigate.

Day 11 - Shield

A fun, self-indulgent one. Had a blast simplifying the game’s characters down into little caricatures. The character in the centre has abilities related to shields and protection, so many other people were drawing him for the prompt; I wanted to try and flip it, so I picked other characters he would be friendly with, and picked a non-lethal, lighthearted setting.

Day 12 - Ruins

Short on time so did a quick lighting study. A recent game plot has changed one of the areas of the map, submerging it in water and leaving it to “ruin”.

Day 13 - Hero

Another painting study. Really didn’t like how this one turned out, but had to turn in something, and I did learn a lot in the process. If I’d had more time I probably would’ve scrapped it and started again. This characters had recently been revealed to have been manipulated by another character who used gas-based offenses, whom she admired.

Day 14 - Rest

I was going to be away from mt computer until after the deadline, so I decided to make a traditional piece. I ended up enjoying it so much I tried to take the time to do a few more traditional pieces later. This piece was sort of a comedy of errors; I had to do it while I was out, and the pen I had brought with me to ink my sketch ran out, so I had to make do with a blue ballpoint pen, and I was missing several colours of coloured pencil. I think the finished piece reflects how rushed it was, and it did’t meet my concept, but I do still like it.

Day 15 - Skull

Another quick one but I wanted to experiment with a different line style. Wanted a sort of “graffiti” effect. One of this character’s skins includes a skull-shaped mask.

Day 16 - Growth

Extremely quick play on words because I didn’t have the time to work on anything meaningful and couldn’t think of anything better!

Day 17 - Home

Another traditional piece, this time by choice and with more time. Markers. It looks extremely like some janky art school homework on 2 point perspective because it extremely is. Perspective and backgrounds are very difficult for me - they just don’t “click” - but I had a lot of fun with this one. I kept my mistakes intact because I didn’t want to edit it too much. A lot about the technical perspective is wrong, but I think I achieved the “mood” I wanted. This location is a bar owned by one of the player characters where many of the other characters are shown to meet.

Day 18 - Sky

Very happy with how this one turned out, even though there are still lots of problems. Markers again. There’s a lot I would fix next time, and I think technically it’s lacking, but there are some specific areas I feel happy to have achieved, such as the almost brushed texture of the curved metal above his shoulder and the values of the shadow/reflections on the underside of the head piece. I’m also happy with how I was able to draw from my shoulder rather than my wrist when inking the curved lines, something I struggle with.

Day 19 - Target

An experiment in pushing the lineless style I’d already been playing with for a stronger likeness. The pose and expression in this could both be pushed more but I like the result. This character had just learned that one of the other players, whom she had trusted, was actually sharing her secrets with her enemy, and she didn’t know which one it was.

Day 20 - Friendship

I had this one concepted from when I first looked over the prompts. It was a fun challenge trying to simplify all the elements into the lineless, blocky style while being legible. This character has a strained relationship with one of his friends, and finally pushed her too far with his selfishness, and she now no longer responds to him.

Day 21 - Scar

Quick joke. This character was introduced briefly as a red herring for another character before being killed off. He was stabbed through the chest by another character’s hand, hence the scar pattern.

Day 22 - Dream

I wasn’t sure about this one while I was making it but I ended up liking how it turned out. I wanted to capture the character’s robotic legs bent at an unnaturally straight 90 degrees, like a Barbie doll. The flat background and lighting make it feel like an indoor stage. The little “electric sheep” are inspired by iDogs.

Day 23 - Meal

After a few days of not having time to really spend on any piece, it was fun to get to spend time on concepting and composing this. I always admired these kinds of watercolour-like food illustrations and this is the first time I’ve had any success in creating one myself. I concepted and sketched out the individual items traditionally before working out the composition within the box digitally. Each food item/utensil is inspired by the different characters’ design elements. Only two of the now-current characters are excluded due to plot reasons. In particular, I like how one of the character’s dome-shaped shields acts as the base and cover of the box.

Day 24 - Hobby

Wasn’t a fan of how this one turned out. I think the likeness is a bit off, and his facial anatomy is skewed. But I also like how the general composition, tone, and bee turned out. This character’s concept art originally imagined them as a beekeeper who would use smoke to fight.

Day 25 - Fear

An incredibly rushed piece that I intended to go back in and add more detail to, similar to day 4, but I actually took a step back and decided I liked the blocky, flat-colour version. This character is the youngest of four, all of whom are MIA or worse, along with his father, and his mother is losing her memory. He’s talking to her through a handheld holographic device. This piece gained more traction, most likely thanks to the subject matter since this is a popular character.

Day 26 - Holiday

I didn’t want to do a religious holiday like Christmas or Easter. A lot of other people also interpreted the prompt as a vacation, but I had already done a sort of “beach vacation” piece for day 11, so I instead went for a “public holiday” and chose NYE/NYD. This was fairly quick but the lighting was an interesting experiment. I knew this one wouldn’t be as popular because it wasn’t as “flattering” but I personally really like it. The girl on the left is kind of goofy and completely un-self-conscious and I think it’s captured here.

Day 27 - Music

Really didn’t like how this one turned out. I don’t think the likeness is good at all, the lighting is poor, and the gold detailing feels lazy. But I liked other elements, such as the pose and the clothing.

Day 28 - Treasure

This is my least favourite of the entire month, but I also had the least time available to work on it before the deadline so I had no opportunity to scrap it and start over, which I sorely wanted to do. The likeness is terrible, but more than that the base anatomy is off, the pose is stiff, and the lighting/colours are cheap. I wish I could’ve done better by this character; but, I am glad I had something finished at all.

Day 29 - Skin

This was probably my third attempt at this picture and I’m still not happy with it, but again, I had to finish something. I almost considered scrapping the concept entirely and choosing something easier but ended up seeing it through. The concept itself is actually recycled from an older piece of mine for an entirely different fandom, because I didn’t think I did it justice then, either. Would still like to revisit this concept with this character and take more time.

Day 30 - Trust

After a few days of feeling really dissatisfied and uncomfortable with the art I’d been making, I finally more time to dedicate to a piece, and I’m overall happy with how this one turned out. I decided to go for a different medium entirely with pixel art, which also gave me the opportunity to try and animate it. I started off confident and then started to get worried towards the end, but all the elements came together when I added the portal colour effects. This is an alternate reality version of one of the player characters, who appears through a portal and allows that character to escape the facility she’s being kept in, encouraging them to trust the “voices” she hears which are actually versions of herself trying to help her. This piece was retweeted by the official Apex Legends Twitter account!

Day 31 - Freestyle

I had this planned out early in the challenge and I’m really, really happy with how it turned out. It’s probably tied with my favourite along with the very first piece (how fitting). I was worried about how I was going to capture the movement without over-complicating the lineart, having so many people in one image, etc. before I realised the focus was entirely on gesture, and then everything clicked. I went for a thicker brush, which forced me to conserve my lines, and tried to simplify each character down to the bare minimum needed to recognise them. They’re also all wearing new non-canonical outfits so I used their familiar colour schemes for the same purpose. It’s not perfect, but I love it, and it’s everything I’d hoped I’d be able to end the challenge on.

I really, really enjoyed the entire month and the way it tied in with my new time management schedule. It gave me some achievable short-term goals which added up to this long-term achievement I can now look back on; I learned a lot both about balancing my energy and about technical skills, I found ways to stay motivated, and most importantly I learned to not get caught up on the individual slip-ups and pieces I didn’t like as much and to instead focus on the bigger picture. Thank you to everyone involved in organising and supporting this event! I found so many other incredible fanartists, writers, and content creators through this challenge and I can’t wait to see the bonus content released over August!

[alittlebitofaselfinsert]

One Shot Masterlist

Masterlist of all my one shots 

Supernatural

Sweeter Than Pie 

Late Night Walks 

It’s Okay, I’ll Do The Listening For Both of Us

Mon Ange, Embrasse-Moi

So You Won’t Be Lonely

I’d Destroy The World For You

The Prophet and The Wolf

A Love For The (Comic) Books

I Won’t Let Them Hurt You

Fix You

Doctor Who

Don’t Blink

My Mad Man With a Box

Sherlock

The Artist and The Detective

A Little Blind Faith

Looking For Consultation

Bright Eyes

The Walking Dead

I Want to Protect You

Grey’s Anatomy

It Gets Better

American Horror Story

It’s Not All Bad

MCU

Not Just For Boys

A True Royal

The Merc With a Mouth and His Sweetheart

The Writer’s Hero

Interns Aren’t So Bad

Isle of The Flightless Birds

Try to Love Me and I’ll Try To Save You

What’s Gonna Kill You is The Second Part

I’ll Lay the World at Your Feet

Youtubers

Anime and Coffee

My Hero in Plaid

Little Blue Bird

Teen Wolf

My Little Luna

Sometimes We Need a Human Touch

I Don’t Bite

Let Me Down Easy

Hunger Games

Sugar Sweet Kisses

The Day the World Stopped

Little Fish

Riverdale

Baby Let’s Make Some Music

Sweet Little Lion

Adventures in Journalism

I Met a Girl

Don’t You Know, Money Can’t Buy You Me

RWBY

A Butterfly and Their Crow

Even Heroes Have the Right To Bleed

You Are Still Good

Make Him Loud

Make Her Quiet

I Wanted to Be Your Hero

Your Special Day

An Old Flame Can Still Burn

I Wish Things Were Different

Remember Me?

Please Don’t Go

My Little Thief

Even Robots Need Blankets

The Originals

Don’t Go Yet, My Dear

Sleeping Beauty

Hey There, Little Red Riding Hood

Flirting With the Smoke Alarm

Can’t Help Falling in Love With You

Falling Into Your Ocean Eyes

Who Killed Markiplier

Bleak December (And How Full of Shit You Are)

All Was Golden When The Day Met the Night

Love Get Me Out of The Cold (I’ll Show You What Home Means Now)

Take Me Back to The Start

From Dusk ‘Til Dawn

Everything Stays

It

10 Steps to Writing the Perfect Ending

Owner of a Lonely Heart

Our Minds Are Troubled by The Emptiness

Talk a Little Too Much Around You

Sometimes at Night I Can Hear Her Dream

Like Cold Coffee in The Morning

‘Cause I Could Do Worse and You Can Do Better

All This Time We Were Waiting For Each Other

Naruto

Long Is The Road That Leads Me Home

Everyday I Add Another Stone

I Knew Them Well

Beneath a Different Light

We Came Down to The Water

Blood Was Our Inheritance

 With Everything I Am

A New River

Let The Wild Take Over

The Fire and Ember

Bright as Fire

Soul Eater

Vampires Damned to Family Secrets

You Will Laugh, Smeared With Blood, and Kiss Him in The Alley

 I’m Grateful For Perfectly Timed Mistakes

Even Wolves Have To Let Go

Maybe He Could Travel Someplace Scented With Clementines and Pomegranates and Be Done Smashing Things

Fill Her With Dust and Blood

Stranger Things

I Know All Too Well

I Didn’t Just Kiss Her

I Was Once 13 And It Doesn’t Get Worse Than That

Ouran High School Host Club

Arrogant Boy, Love Yourself So No One Has To

Don’t Make This Easy I Want You To Mean It

This Real Life Just Isn’t Right

We Never Stood a Chance Out There, Shooting Love in Real Time

Light a Fire in The Coldest Hearts

I’ll Be The Boy With the Silver Lining, You’ll Be The Girl With The Cinderblock Garden

Telling Another Tale of The American Dream

I Just Want You To See How Good You Are

My Little Pony

I Fear I Won’t Get Through to You

Pinkie’s Singing Telegram

Come Here and Never Leave

I’ll Keep The Weather Warm For You

As We Sing Out

 Fussing On The Details

So She’ll Be His Cradle

Come On, You’re Just Making Noise

Something’s In The Air Today

The Kind of Day of Which I Dreamed Since I Was Small

The Magicians

He Won’t Tell You That He Loves You, But He Loves You

You Said I Could Have Anything I Wanted, But I Couldn’t Say It Out Loud

You Wanted To Be In Love

You Want a Better Story. Who Wouldn’t?

There Are Many Names in History, None of Them Ours

History Forgot About Us

Dear Forgiveness I Saved A Plate For You

Sorry About the Scene at The Bottom of The Stairs

Let Me Do It Right For Once

Achievement Hunter (FAHC)

Contrary to Popular Belief, Penguins Are...Birds

I Wanna Rage

Hack Into My Heart

Who Will You Follow to War?

I Don’t Know Where We’re Going

Well Now We Both Look Foolish

These Fucking White People

Nice Job Breaking It, Hero

Sander Sides

The Floor Here Will Kill You-Try To Avoid It

 We All Grew Up and Did The Things We Said We’d Never Do

You Make A Fool of Death With Your Beauty and For a Moment I Forget to Worry

Was It All Wasted, All That Love?

I Know I’m Evil and All That Jazz, But I Have Standards

[nellie-elizabeth]

Grey's Anatomy: My Shot (16x08)

Oh, Grey's Anatomy. You wouldn't be you if you didn't have manufactured coincidences popping up around every corner. I loved this episode, for the most part! Let's take a look.

Cons:

So, the thing about doing a medical drama/soap opera is that a lot of really unrealistic stuff has to happen in order to keep the drama quotient up. The characters in this show have been through more trauma than is remotely realistic for any group of people, and over the sixteen seasons of this show, every single character has done stuff that's super illegal and messed up and bad. When you have an episode like this, where Meredith's past gets dredged up, you're forced to realize how completely improbable it is that Meredith would still be allowed to practice medicine in the first place. Or frankly, how Richard and Alex would be allowed to continue, what with committing assault, breaking the law, the list goes on. And that's fine, it doesn't matter most of the time on this show. But when a spotlight is shone on all of the things that have happened over the years, it starts to feel a bit more shark-jumpy than I'm comfortable with.

Also, I can take some cheesiness, but all the patients rushing in to testify for Meredith, and the letter from Cristina, and letters from Addison, Callie, Arizona, April... come on. That's a little much, don't you think? I wanted this to be more grounded in reality. Meredith probably should be taken to task for a lot of what she's done. There could have been a better balance there, with some of her bad behavior actually being condemned. I think they tried to do that with Bailey, but for me it didn't quite stick the landing.

Also Jackson and Maggie - ugh. Please stoppppp. Maggie is really upset after killing her cousin, and Jackson is there to comfort her. I didn't strictly hate this at first, and thought maybe they were going for an easing of the tension, like the two of them could be friendly with each other and stop resenting one another so much. And then Jackson leans in for a kiss, stops himself, and Maggie kicks him out. She tells Meredith: "I hate someone I used to love... I don't want to see or speak to him ever again." That line, about hating someone she used to love, is actually really powerful, and if Jackson and Maggie weren't such a stupid train-wreck, I might really have liked it. But - but why? Why does she hate him? What did he do that was so awful? They had a somewhat crappy relationship and Maggie felt like Jackson didn't respect her, and it fell apart. But Maggie's anger feels misplaced, somehow. I was so happy last week to have a story that was about Maggie that didn't annoy me, since she's become so irritating over the years. And now here, it has to be about Jackson again, doesn't it? Those two were the worst things to ever happen to each other on this show.

Pros:

In perhaps a direct contradiction to what I said above, it was a bit fun to look back over the years and remember all the crazy crap that Meredith has done. Obviously a lot of the context has been stripped away, but the fact remains, she's done a lot of messed up stuff! This episode brings up ancient (yet legendary) history like the LVAD wire, stuff like the Alzheimer's trial, a patient Meredith had on her first day as a doctor, and more recent stuff like Alex assaulting Andrew, and Schmitt being the one to turn Meredith in to Bailey. I'm a sucker for longevity. I like sinking in to a story for a long, long time, and it's cool to do an episode like this where you can actually pull footage from back when George W. Bush was still POTUS and examine a character's life through so many years.

Koracick has a brief role in this episode, and we can mark this as a good appearance for him. They trashed his character early in the season in an attempt to get us on board with Owen/Teddy, but they seem to be softening that approach and rehabilitating him a bit here. He's still a cocky bastard a lot of the time, but when Amelia tells him she needs his help, he immediately agrees, and does everything he can to help the patient. I really love him and hope he gets the happiness he deserves.

And Amelia and Link also have a brief moment, where we see their relationship continue to develop and strengthen. Amelia is worried she might kill the doctor who killed Derek, which is why she lets Koracick do it. That's a sign of maturity and strength from Amelia, her ability to step away and let someone else perform the surgery. And when that man dies on the table, she can be confident that she wasn't to blame. Link comforts her through the confusion of the situation, and it's just another brick in the foundation of trust they are building between them.

I like the DeLuca/Meredith drama, actually. There's this moment when Meredith yells at the doctor who killed Derek, calling Derek "the love of her life," and I immediately thought... oh no. Are we going to do the whole drama thing where DeLuca decides he can't compete with Derek's memory or whatever? But instead, they go for something slightly different. Basically, DeLuca knows he's never going to replace Derek. But he wanted to work towards something, to be Meredith's partner in a real way. He's realizing now that he doesn't have Meredith's respect, that she doesn't view him as an equal, and he worries she never will. He basically breaks up with her, but frames it as giving her a chance to think things over. I like Andrew a lot. I like Andrew and Meredith together, I think it's genuinely interesting. It's not as intense as Meredith and Derek, but the show has done a smart thing by not trying to make it like that. I'm on board for whatever comes next for them, as I think a break-up plot thread with these two might actually be interesting, whether or not they end up together in the end.

The Bailey/Richard dynamic as explored in this episode was really intriguing to me. I was complaining a few weeks ago about Bailey's over-sized reaction to what Meredith did, but here we get more of an explanation. Not only does she feel betrayed by someone that she raised to be a doctor, but she feels betrayed by Richard as well, and feels jealous of the way he will bend the rules for Meredith. We even find out that Meredith didn't originally match with the hospital, and that Richard made a call to make it happen all those years ago. That's such an interesting "sliding doors" moment!  Richard then flips the narrative on Bailey, however, saying that Meredith is family and he'd trust her to back him up the same way he backed her up. He says he feels the same way about Bailey, or he did, before Bailey turned her back on them for their actions.

It's not even necessarily a cruel moment from Richard - he's saying it because he knows now what Bailey is feeling, and he knows how to get underneath that feeling, to an even bigger truth. And it works - Bailey goes back in to the hearing and says that while Meredith Grey is a pain in the ass and deserved consequences for her actions, she's also a fine surgeon and doesn't deserve to lose her medical license. Who knows whether or not that was the tipping point, but at the end of the day, Meredith wins and she's still a doctor!

It was interesting to bring in the doctor whose negligence resulted in Derek's death. Frankly, I vacillated about which section of this review to put my discussion of this in, because I can't quite decide how to feel about it. The whole point here is that Meredith is unconventional, but ultimately very good at her job. She saves lives. It's interesting to contrast that with this man who hasn't broken any rules, but who killed someone. He's not only allowed to remain a doctor, he's allowed to vote on Meredith's fitness to remain a doctor. This is so manifestly unfair that it's clear to the viewer that Meredith is in the right. But this man's presence, and then later the influx of testimonials from patients and fellow doctors, overshadows Meredith's crime. It's interesting in that I wonder if there will be lasting consequences - will she be under heavier scrutiny when it comes to pro bono cases, or will this be the one thing the finally tarnishes her reputation? I'm excited to find out.

Schmitt has the setup for a future plot thread here, as he confesses to being the one to turn Meredith in, unwittingly. As his fellow interns find out, he watches as they lose respect for him, especially Helm. This could be so cool. As I said, it's not as if Meredith doesn't deserve some sort of consequence for her bad behavior. And what was Schmitt supposed to do, just trust on blind faith that this wasn't a mistake, that Meredith had done it on purpose? Was he supposed to put his career on the line for her? That's an unreasonable expectation, and I hope he stands up for himself, with the support of his boyfriend. It's time to start giving some of these characters more screen-time.

That's it! Another long review, for a pretty solid episode. I think next week is the mid-season finale!

8/10

[innuendostudios]

Research Masterpost

This is my research list for The Alt-Right Playbook. It is a living document - I am typically adding sources faster than I am finishing the ones already on it. Notes and links below the list. Also, please note this does not include the hundreds of articles and essays I’ve read that also inform the videos - this is books, reports, and a few documentaries.

Legend: Titles in bold -> finished Titles in italics -> partially finished *** -> livetweeted as part of #IanLivetweetsHisResearch (asterisks will be a link) The book I am currently reading will be marked as such.

Media Manipulation & Disinformation Online, by Alice Marwick and Rebecca Lewis Alternative Influence, by Rebecca Lewis The Authoritarians, by Bob Altemeyer*** Eclipse of Reason, by Max Horkheimer Civility in the Digital Age, by Andrea Weckerle The Origins of Totalitarianism, by Hannah Arendt On Revolution, by Hannah Arendt Don’t Think of an Elephant, by George Lakoff The Shock Doctrine, by Naomi Klein How Propaganda Works, by Jason Stanley*** This is an Uprising, by Mark and Paul Engler Neoreaction a Basilisk, by Elizabeth Sandifer This Nonviolent Stuff'll Get You Killed, by Charles E. Cobb, Jr. Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me), by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson Healing from Hate, by Michael Kimmel The Brainwashing of my Dad, doc by Jen Senko On Bullshit, by Harry Frankfurt The Reactionary Mind, by Corey Robin*** Stamped from the Beginning, Ibram X. Kendi Fascism Today, by Shane Burley Indoctrination over Objectivity?, by Marrissa S. Ballard Ur-Fascism, by Umberto Eco Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, by Lindsay C. Gibson Anti-Semite and Jew, by Jean-Paul Sartre Alt-America, by David Neiwert*** The Dictator’s Handbook, by Bruce Bueno de Mesquita & Alastair Smith Terror, Love, and Brainwashing, by Alexandra Stein Kaputt, by Curzio Malaparte The Anatomy of Fascism, by Robert O. Paxton Neoliberalism and the Far Right, by Neil Davidson and Richard Saull Trolls Just Want to Have Fun, by Erin E. Buckels, et al The Entrepreneurial State, by Mariana Mazzucato

Media Manipulation & Disinformation Online, by Alice Marwick and Rebecca Lewis (free: link) A monstrously useful report from Data & Society which- coupled with Samuel R. Delany’s memoir The Motion of Light in Water - formed the backbone of the Mainstreaming video. I barely scratched the surface of how many techniques the Far Right uses to inflate their power and influence. If you feel lost in a sea of Al-Right bullshit, this will at least help you understand how things got the way they are, and maybe help you discern truth from twaddle.

The Authoritarians, by Bob Altemeyer (free: link) (livetweets) A free book full of research from Bob Altemeyer’s decades of study into authoritarianism. Altemeyer writes conversationally, even jovially, peppering what could have been a dense and dry work with dad jokes. I wouldn’t say he’s funny (most dads aren’t), but it makes the book blessedly accessible. If you ever wanted a ton of data demonstrating that authoritarianism is deeply correlated with conservatism, this is the book. One of the most useful resources I’ve consumed so far, heavily influencing the entire series but most directly the video on White Fascism. Even has some suggestions for how to actually change the mind of a reactionary, which is kind of the Holy Grail of LeftTube.

(caveats: there is a point in the book where Altemeyer throws a little shade on George Lakoff, and I feel he slightly - though not egregiously - misrepresents Lakoff’s arguments)

Don’t Think of an Elephant, by George Lakoff An extremely useful book about framing. Delves into the differences between the American Right and Left when it comes to messaging, how liberal politicians tend to have degrees in things like Political Science and Rhetoric, where conservatives far more often have degrees in Marketing. This leads to two different cultures, where liberals have Enlightenment-style beliefs that all  you need is good ideas and conservatives know an idea will only be popular if you know how to sell it. He gets into the nuts and bolts of how to keep control of a narrative, because the truth is only effective if the audience recognizes it as such. Kind of staggering how many Democrats swear by this book while blatantly taking none of its advice. Lakoff has been all over the series since the first proper video.

(caveats: several. Lakoff seemingly believes the main difference between the Right and Left is in our default frames, and that swaying conservatives amounts to little more than finding better ways to make the same arguments. he deeply underestimates the ideological divide between Parties, and some of his advice reads as tips for making debates more pleasant but no more productive. he also makes a passing comparison between conservatism and Islam that means well but is a gross and kinda racist false equivalence)

How Propaganda Works, by Jason Stanley (livetweets) A slog. Many useful concepts, and directly referenced in the White Fascism video. But could have said everything it needed to say in half as many pages. Stanley seems dedicated to framing everything in epistemological terms, not appealing to morality or sentiment, which means huge sections of the book are given over to “proving” democracy is a good thing using only philosophical concepts, when “democracy good” is probably something his readership already accepts. Also has a frustrating tendency to begin every paragraph with a brief summary of the previous paragraph. When he actually talks about, you know, how propaganda works, it’s very useful, and I don’t regret reading it. But I don’t entirely recommend it. Seems written for an imagined PhD review board. Might be better off reading my livetweets.

Neoreaction a Basilisk, by Elizabeth Sandier A trip. Similar to Jason Stanley, Sandifer is dedicated to “disproving” a number of Far Right ideologies - from transphobia to libertarianism to The Singularity - in purely philosophical terms. The difference is, she’s having fun with it. I won’t pretend the title essay - a 140-page mammoth - didn’t lose me several times, and someone had to remind which of its many threads was the thesis. And some stretches are dense, academic writing punctuated with vulgarity and (actually quite clever) jokes, which doesn’t always average out to the playfully heady tone she’s going for. But, still, frequently brilliant and never less than interesting. There is something genuinely cathartic about a book that begins with the premise that we all fear but won’t let ourselves meaningfully consider - that we will lose the fight with the Right and climate change is going to kill us all - and talks about what we can do in that event. I felt I didn’t even have to agree with the premise to feel strangely empowered by it. Informed the White Fascism video’s comments on transphobia as the next frontier of bigotry since failing to prevent marriage equality.

On Bullshit, by Harry Frankfurt Was surprised to find this isn’t properly a book, just a printed essay. Highly relevant passage that helped form my description of 4chan in The Card Says Moops: “What tends to go on in a bull session is that the participants try out various thoughts and attitudes in order to see how it feels to hear themselves saying such things and in order to discover how others respond, without its being assumed that they are committed to what they say: it is understood by everyone in a bull session that the statements people make do not necessarily reveal what they really believe or how they really feel. The main point is to make possible a high level of candor and an experimental or adventuresome approach to the subjects under discussion. Therefore provision is made for enjoying a certain irresponsibility, so that people will be encouraged to convey what is on their minds without too much anxiety that they will be held to it. [paragraph break] Each of the contributors to a bull session relies, in other words, upon a general recognition that what he expresses or says is not to be understood as being what he means wholeheartedly or believes unequivocally to be true. The purpose of the conversation is not to communicate beliefs.”

The Reactionary Mind, by Corey Robin (livetweets) Another freakishly useful book, and the basis for Always a Bigger Fish and The Origins of Conservatism. Jumping into the history of conservative thought, going all the way back to Thomas Hobbes, to stress that conservatism is, and always has been, about preserving social hierarchies and defending the powerful. Robin dissects thinkers who heavily influenced conservatism, from Edmund Burke and Friedrich Nietzsche to Carl Menger and Ayn Rand, and finally concluding with Trump himself. There’s a lot of insight into how the conservative mind works, though precious little comment on what we can do about it, which somewhat robs the book of a conclusion. Still, the way it bounces off of Don’t Think of an Elephant and The Authoritarians really brings the Right into focus.

Fascism Today, by Shane Burley Yet another influence on the White Fascism video. Bit of a mixed bag. The opening gives a proper definition of fascism, which is extremely useful. Then the main stretch delves into the landscape of modern fascism, from Alt-Right to Alt-Lite to neofolk pagans to the Proud Boys and on and on. Sometimes feels overly comprehensive, but insights abound on the intersections of all these belief systems (Burley pointing out that the Alt-Right is, in essence, the gentrification of working-class white nationalists like neo-Nazi skinheads and the KKK was a real eye-opener). But the full title is Fascism Today: What it is and How to End it, and it feels lacking in the second part. Final stretch mostly lists a bunch of efforts to address fascism that already exist, how they’ve historically been effective, and suggestions for getting involved. Precious few new ideas there. And maybe the truth is that we already have all the tools we need to fight fascism and we simply need to employ them, and being told so is just narratively unsatisfying. Or maybe it’s a structural problem with the book, that it doesn’t reveal a core to fascism the way Altemeyer reveals a core to authoritarianism and Robin reveals a core to conservatism, so I don’t come away feeling like I get fascism well enough to fight it. But, also, Burley makes it clear that modern fascism is a rapidly evolving virus, and being told that old ways are still the best ways isn’t very satisfying. If antifascism isn’t evolving at least as rapidly, it doesn’t seem like we’re going to win.

(caveats: myriad. for one, Burley repeatedly quotes Angela Nagle’s Kill All Normies, which does not inspire confidence. he also talks about “doxxing fascists” as a viable strategy without going into the differences between “linking a name to a face at a public event” and “hacking someone’s email to publicly reveal their bank information,” where the former is the strategy that fights fascism and the latter is vigilantism that is practiced widely on the Right and only by the worst actors on the Left. finally, the one section where Burley discusses an area I had already thoroughly researched was GamerGate, and he got quite a few facts wrong, which makes me question how accurate all the parts I hadn’t researched were. I don’t want to drive anyone away from the book, because it was still quite useful, but I recommend reading it only in concert with a lot of other sources so you don’t get a skewed perspective.)

Healing from Hate, by Michael Kimmel (Michael Kimmel, it turns out, is a scumbag. This book’s main thesis is that we need to look at violent extremism through the lens of toxic masculinity, so Kimmel’s toxic history with women is massively disappointing. Book itself is, in many ways, good, but, you know, retweets are not endorsement.)

A 4-part examination of how men get into violent extremism through the lens of the organizations that help them get out: EXIT in Germany and Sweden, Life After Hate in the US, and The Quilliam Foundation in Europe and North America. Emphasizing that entry into white nationalism - and, to an extent, jihadism - is less ideological than social. Young men enter these movements out of a need for community, purpose, and a place to put their anger. They feel displaced and mistreated by society - and often, very tangibly, are - and extremism offers a way to prove their manhood. Feelings of emasculation is a major theme. The actual politics of extremism are adopted gradually. They are, in a sense, the price of admission for the community and the sense of purpose. The most successful exit strategies are those that address these feelings of loneliness and emasculation and build social networks outside the movement, and not ones that address ideology first - the ideology tends to wither with the change in environment. The book itself can be a bit repetitive, but these observations are very enlightening.

(caveats: the final chapter on militant Islam is deeply flawed. Kimmel clearly didn’t get as much access to Qulliam as he had to EXIT and Life After Hate, so his data is based far less on direct interviews with counselors and former extremists and much more on other people’s research. despite the chapter stressing that a major source of Muslim alienation is racism, Kimmel focuses uncomfortably much on white voices - the majority of researchers he quotes are white Westerners, and the few interviews he manages are mostly with white converts to Islam rather than Arabs or South Asians. all in all, the research feels thinner, and his claims about militant Islam seem much more conjectural when they don’t read as echos of other people’s opinions.)

Terror, Love and Brainwashing, by Alexandra Stein A look at totalitarian governments and cults through the lens of attachment theory. While not explicitly about the Far Right, it’s interesting to see the overlap between this and Healing from Hate. Stein stresses that the control dynamics she discusses are not exclusive to cults, and are, in fact, the same ones as in abusive relationships; cults are just the most extreme version. So you can see many similar dynamics in Far Right organizations, like the Aryan Nations or the Proud Boys. It’s made me curious how many of these dynamics are in play in the distributed, less controlled environment of online extremism, and makes me want to look further into the subject before drawing conclusions.

(caveats: book is, as with How Propaganda Works, sometimes a slog and rather repetitive. I clocked a 4-page stretch in chapter 8 where Stein did not say a single thing that hadn’t been said multiple times in previous chapters. also, when talking about people coerced into highly-controlled lifestyles, she offhandedly includes “prostitutes” among them? it’s that liberal conflation of sex work and trafficking which is really not cool. this isn’t a major point, just something to notice while you read it.)

Alt-America, by David Neiwert (livetweets) A look at the actual formation of the Alt-Right, and the history that led up to it: the Militia and Patriot movements of the 90′s, the Tea Party, the rise of Alex Jones and Glenn Beck, and so on. Having been steeped in the rhetoric and tactics of the Far Right for so long, someone doing the work of sitting down and putting it all in chronological order is immensely helpful. Generally clear and well-written, too, and would be an easy read if not for how goddamn depressing the content is. Has an unfortunate final 7 pages, where Neiwert starts recommending actual policy. Falls into the usual “have empathetic conversations with genuine conservatives to turn them against the fascist wing taking over their party,” not recognizing the ways in which conservatism is continuous with fascism, nor the ways that trying to appeal to moderate conservatives alienates the people whose rights they deny. Means an extremely valuable book leaves a bad taste in the final stretch, but everything up to then is aces.

[squid--inc--writes]

Inktober 2019 day 25 prompt: tasty

Update: masterlist

Art + story

This one's a good one, Bois.

Also, warning for: death, animal abuse (rats), canabalism, etc.

Deep in the woods, you will find that trees grow bark of chocolate, and, depending on the tree, some of varying other tasty treats. Candy apples hang from trees, the leaves are much like taffy. Any smoke produced smells sweetly of cotton candy.

If you travel far enough in the woods, you will find a cobbler path, lined with chocolate stones. When you get to the candy cane arches, or licorice edgings along the path, turn back. If you continue, the enticing trail will become harder and harder to leave.

The house in the center of the forest is a giant cake. In its surroundings are a gumball patch,  with bitter, but tasty vines twirling around it; giant lollipops bursting from the ground, at all colours, and cascading light over various marshmallows, and gumdrops when the sun hits it just right; one can even find a small river of soda flowing through.

The house itself is simple vanilla, with an assortment of toppings and decorations all around. Through magic would be the only way this place is still intact.

Inside the home lives an overgrown rat. She has large, sharp teeth, a long tail, and dresses in the clothes of those unfortunate enough to meet her.

See, once one is lured in by her surroundings, she invites them inside, with promises of sweeter treats, and goodness inside. However, once they are inside, she cast a spell, and renders them unconscious, and takes then to her kitchen. As the story goes, she does indeed cook and eat them. However, she eats the heart and liver raw first, for she was not always a rat.

Before all of this, she had been a beautiful, but mean woman. She would lure in those around her, either through lust, love, or sometimes pity. She would get what she wanted and, rather metaphorically speaking, tear their heart out. 

She had found a partner who was incredibly wealthy. He had earned his fortune with medical miracles. He would work at home, and had many a rat in his home. They were all well fed, and well kept, as he sought to reward hard work.

She, however, despised the rats, and didn't care for the work. One night, while he was out, she went around, and poisoned all the rats. When she woke up, it was to her lover's sobs of anguish. She comforted him, expecting this to last only a few days. She told him "perhaps you should not keep them at home. They must have gotten into something they shouldn't have."

He accepted the excuse, but, after several weeks of mourning, she became aggravated. While she still got everything she wanted, she was missing his attention. She tried her hardest to get it, but he would simply brush her off. He loved her, but his beloved were gone. So, she made a plan.

If he wanted to act like the dead rats were the best part of his life, he would join them. She looked through his medical texts, and found what she wanted. A poison, specially designed to destroy the heart, without being detected. If she couldn't have it, no one would.

So, she set forth a dinner, just the two of them. As they prepared to settle in, there was a knock at the door. And old woman stood before them, raggedy, and wrinkly,looking for a place to stay the night. The woman originally wanted to kick her out, but thought, oh, with a witness there was less chance of being caught.

So, they all sat down  to eat. When the man began to look distraught, he gripped at his chest. The woman kept up, asking if her lover was alright. He, however, waved her off, and they kept eating.

By the end of the meal, he finally succumbed to the poison, and was lying dead on his plate. The woman put on a good show of being distressed, shouting that they needed help, expecting the old woman to run. Get somebody.

Instead, she gets up, and walks to the man. After placing a calm hand on his neck, feeling his pulse, or lack thereof, she turned to the woman.

"Well. Don't we have something awful here. Death by heartbreak. Lost his poor rats, afterall."

The woman stared, confused.

She trudged on, move around the man's corpse.

"Shame, really. That he'd have his heart torn out twice in a year."

The woman began to question, but the old woman stopped her, "Well, for every year you go, my dear, without eating two hearts and two livers, you will become more like a rat, until you are small enough to crush under a boot."

The woman became angry, "excuse me? My beloved just died, and you make awful claims, and curses."

The old woman chuckled, "Well, you did see it coming. However you best get to work, before this goes further." She slipped the tip of her thumb up against the back of her front teeth and tapped.

The woman snarled, before realizing that her teeth had changed. She put a hand up to her mouth, and ran to the table, flipping everything off of a silver platter. In front of her she saw herself. The problem was that she now had two incredibly large teeth at the front of her mouth. She looked back at the old woman, whom had now sprouted her own teeth. And ears, fur, clawed fingers, and tail.

She spoke, "Now, I did say you had to eat the heart and liver. You must understand the heart, but the liver, now that's the question. You seem to enjoy the act of completely destroying a heart, so I figured I might as well add in something you weren't fond of as well."

The woman stared at her still, and the old woman kept going, "you must eat them raw, or else you will continue to become what you hate. However, if you were to cut out your own heart, the curse will release…"

She stopped talking to see that the woman had already descended upon her late lover, already tearing flesh and bone away with a knife, Nd her hands. The old woman was surprised at the lack of hesitation. She was appalled. This was supposed to be hard.

The woman wolfed down his heart, not even stopping to gag, terrified of her impending transformation. She then tore away her stomach, and intestines, root around his carcass for his liver. She may have lived with him, but she knew little of human anatomy.

When she completed the meal, she looked up at the old woman, a feral look in her eyes. 

The old woman took a step back, "Well then, you made a fine mess."

The woman stepped forward, and said, "I know how to clean."

The witch took another step back, realizing her mistake towards the ruthless creature before her, "And he'll be missing."

"Not if an old homeless woman killed him. I had to do it. Bashed her over the skull, and killed her."

The witch, much more skilled, said, "Well, good luck with that." And quickly vanished.

The problem was, however, she dropped her book of spells. So, the woman had grabbed it. She read it over, and tried to find what she could do to help herself.

She successfully fooled the people for weeks, into believing her lover was alive and well. The jig was up when someone went to speak with him, without the woman knowing. They entered upon the scene of the rotting, torn up corpse, screaming loudly.

Before she could get home, a large crowd filled the space in her home. She knew she couldn't answer any questions. Not without people seeing through it. So, she fled.

She fled to a forest, and started casting spells Willy nilly. She cast them until she created her own chocolates forest. She made it so tasty, and inviting, that she could get all the hearts and livers she needed. She'd also have all the decadence she needed. However, when no one came, she began transforming more. So, she upped her game. She made it impossible to flee if one went too far. She made the place so easy to find. When she got her first victim in a year, she couldn't help it. It was the first non-sweet she had in years. So, she cooked up the body, and devoured it entirely.

As the story comes to its end, unfortunately the monster was never beat, yet. And still she lives in her tasty home.

[comicteaparty]

February 12th-February 18th, 2020 Reader Favorites Archive

The archive for the Reader Favorites chat that occurred from February 12th, 2020 to February 18th, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question:

When applicable, what about a creator’s art might convince you to check out their comic?

carcarchu

I like a wide range of art styles so it's hard to pinpoint specifics but if an artist is able to draw very attractive looking characters (recognizable character designs, outfits that don't look like they came out of 2004 gap catalogue, characters that can still be recognized even when they change their hair style) then i find that very appealing. beyond that how well an artist can integrate the characters with the actual space they exist in is something i find very important as well. a bunch of floating heads can only carry a series so far. if the artist can make the characters feel like they properly exist in the space i think it can really elevate the series although in practice this is something very difficult to do.

Deo101 [Millennium]

For me, honestly some art styles are very inspiring to me and that will sometimes get me to read just because I want to see the art more and learn from it. Things like textures, colors, character design... It can draw me in just by exciting me as a learning opportunity

chalcara

For me art‘s the hook and story the line. Come for the art, stay for the story, you know?

Funnily I‘m looking less for pretty art and more for good visual story telling. I want the art to show whats going on without having to rely on dialogue.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I'm honestly very picky about art styles when it comes to comics, and that's a personal issue It has some to do with art styles being attractive to me, but honestly, the most important aspects of a creator's style to me are (1) consistency of style and anatomy, (2) level of completion, and (3) clear communication of what's happening. When it comes to whether or not I check out the comic initially, the main things that come into play with the promotional materials, covers, and/or thumbnails are contrast of the image and cleanness of the rendering. Of course, obviously, my personal tastes play into it. (I tend to like semi-realistic styles, sort of anime-ish but with a twist, or painted styles that may resemble concept art.) But honestly, probably more important than grabbing me initially to begin reading is readership retention. And that's where the 3 qualities I look for come into play: (1) Consistency of style and anatomy: This is probably the most important part for me as a reader. If I can't tell who is who because the characters change appearance from panel to panel, I'm ducking out, because that affects the clarity of storytelling. I also cringe everytime I see a particularly egregious anatomy error. I know what people look like. I see them every day. If I feel pain from looking at an artist's work, I'm not sticking around. (To be fair, everyone makes some kind of anatomy mistakes, but really it's if the anatomy mistakes are really awful to me and aren't as a result of a deliberate style CHOICE. Keyword, C H O I C E.) (2) Level of completion: This really just means that if it looks like the artist rushed through the panels or they were being lazy, I feel like their comic isn't worth my time. I mean, if an artist themselves doesn't care about their work, why should I?(edited)

. (3) Clear communication of what's happening: Once again clarity of storytelling is absolutely essential. If the composition of a large portion of the panels don't clearly show the actions of the characters, I can't follow the story. Aaaaaand as a bonus: Please, please, for the love of all powers that be, please, make your fonts legible. If I can't read the comic without squinting because your text is too tiny or hard to read, I'm not going to try. I have bad eyesight as it is. Take pity on your readers. I'm not going to suffer for your work. I have dropped far too many comics to count because the creator didn't care enough to make sure that the font was legible. And this applies to both desktop view, mobile view, scrolling format, and page to page format. Just.... Make your fonts big and clear.(edited)

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

That's interesting to think about how recognizable characters are when their hair style changes. I might try to use that as a character building exercise

Deo101 [Millennium]

Solid excercise: can you tell them all apart when they're bald and naked?

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

OoooooooOOOOOOOOOOHHHH

I

Might partake that challenge

Deo101 [Millennium]

Also it's really fun to draw characters in all sorts of hair and clothes so idk what id do if I couldn't tell them apart when doing that!!! That's like 40% of my art!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

This just convinces me more and more to do AU art

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah aus are another 20% of what i draw LOL

Look im drawing the comic most of the time so I wish to partake in non canon things the rest

carcarchu

@sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD) i've read series before where the character gets a hair cut / dyes it and i'm like WHO ARE YOU? IS THIS A NEW CHARACTER?

Deo101 [Millennium]

Oh another good excercise is drawing your Characters in many different styles and seeing if they remain unique when not in yours.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I want to do all of this

This is stuff I hardly ever have time for

So I am extra attracted to it

Also, there IS a time later in the comic where a certain character's hair gets partially burned off

And then he cuts it pretty short to get rid of the singed edges

And I feel like his hair is like 80% of his character design

So I'm just a little scared about that

Deo101 [Millennium]

Also, @Cronaj (Whispers of the Past) , I am unsure what you mean by "readership retention" with something that makes you interested in a comic, could you explain?(edited)

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

By readership retention, I mean aspects of the art that decide whether I'll continue reading past the first few pages

(obviously story comes into play as well, but I won't pretend that the art in the first few pages of a comic don't contribute)

Deo101 [Millennium]

Oh okay, I thought you meant like how many readers have unfollowed or something

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Nah

More like, "oh cool! Your cover and blurb seem interesting. Lemme check out the comic!"

And then after reading the first few pages/chapter:

"ah... Not for me." Or "Nice, I'll keep reading!"

Deo101 [Millennium]

Gotcha

Capitania do Azar

Ohh I don't feel like dissing particular artsyle choices, but I know a few aren't for me. I'm no big fan of ultra realistic, hyper detailed stuff you usually see in super hero comics (other genres pick that style too sometimes and I still don't really appreciate). I particularly like artstyles that are distinct and recognizable, I have a hard time with stuff from different authors that just looks... Like a carbon copy (sometimes, the style being referenced is waaay too obvious and that is always a big no for me) Good use of color is key. Give me some good values too. I want colors to make sense and I am very tired of pink. I also appreciate consistency. If you give me artwork with a more paintery style but then the comic is cellshaded, that might tip me off. But not necessarily (tho I appreciate inner consistency inside the comic itself). Rushed stuff, like mentioned above, is also not a good look, but only insofar as it distracts me from what's happening in the story. Consistency is a very important word here, because I love seeing a common line that is able to take in all the differences that are necessary in character design and backgrounds, but also make me believe that they all could live in the same world.

Oh! And also: if the artstyle involves using lineart, I am really fond of sharp, clear lines with weight variation

sagaholmgaard

I'm curious about what you guys mean with consistency- do you guys not like if an artist's art style changes over the several years it might take to make a finished webcomic? Is it that it peeves you when the backgrounds are done in, say, a painterly style while the characters are done with lineart? Is it when the artists makes ordinary illustration work in a completely different style from their comic pages? (This is genuine curiosity I hope no one's feeling attacked rn ^^)

carcarchu

i personally really like seeing an artist's skills improve and evolve over the many years it takes to draw a series

even at the expense of a more "consistent" final product

sagaholmgaard

Yeah me too, it's one thing i really like about webcomics

chalcara

Can‘t talk about the others, but I get thrown off when one page is sprite comic, the next painterly, third cell-shaded without having a in-story-reasons for those style changes, like flashbacks or pov-changes. But more commonly, the issue’s the classic „comic‘s usually coloured, but oops, this time you only get the pencils because I had no time to update“. If that happens too often and/or doesn‘t get fixed for the archive I just lose investment in the comic.

Art evolution is natural, both in webcomic and published work with a dedicated artist.

Ah, that‘s another source of inconsistency - people switching colourists or even artists around. Once in a while is fine, but if it happens every month or so, I tend to get annoyed by it. It‘s actually why I killed my first webcomic twenty years ago; it was a collaberation and life kept getting in the way forcing me to switch colourists every five pages or so.

carcarchu

oh actually i have read a webcomic where they changed artist's 18 chapters in. i really fell in love with the magical and dark tone of the original artist and was engrossed in the world that they set up. they had a painterly style and it really set the atmosphere of the entire series but then the new artist had a super clean and cutesy art style and the sudden tonal shift really threw me off. in the long run the new artist was actually extremely consistent and better at actually releasing long chapters and very good quality chapters and the writing actually improved too because of it but it was never able to recapture what it was that i really loved about the original art style. also the new artist changed the character designs a little so the heroine was no longer even recognizable as the same person

since it was relatively early in the series i definitely would have preferred if they just got the new artist to actually redraw the first 18 chapters in the new style just so the change wouldnt be so incredibly jarring

chalcara

Any harsh breaks like that will cause some people to break away from the comic, I found. I dumped one of my favourite-for-years comic because the creator got bored by their main character and completely sidelined her in favour of a group of minor characters I had absolutely no interest in.

Didn‘t mean the comic got worse - by all accounts its still beloved by quite a sizable audience - it just wasn‘t for me anymore.

sagaholmgaard

Ahh that I can relate to. I get super attached to the main character and usually have a hard time getting into any spinoffs with the rest of the cast, even if I want to (and im a hypocrite because i also want to make spinoffs for ever side character in my own comic LOL) i guess if the style changed a LOT from page to page that would throw me off too. that feels like the artist is trying to experiment, maybe making sort comedic comic strips would be more acceptable then? Every style would at least be contained to one strip at least

DanitheCarutor

That's... actually a really good question. I don't really go for a specific aesthetic. Sometimes what's going on in the thumbnail attracts me, or it could be the use of color, the style, a character design. I'll check out a comic with just about any art style. I guess maybe if I have an idea of what the creator is going for with their art? Like, the art may have a lot of kinks, but maybe being able to tell what style they're trying to go for makes me want to check out their work? Honestly, I don't have a really strong art bias, as long as the comic is readable I'll go for almost anything. Maybe I won't check something out if the style looks extremely uninspired... like if it were the most generic, based off Japanese cartoons, style ever then I might give it a pass. But even then I do sometimes check it out anyway, so I really don't know! This question is surprisingly hard to answer! To give my last quip about last week's topic, since I don't want to derail the current one. I feel the creator's personal life is no one's business. I understand if they're a legit bad person, but digging into a creator's life to see if they qualify to be supported is... I dunno. This mindset makes me feel that if someone who liked my work ever tried to get to know me, they would be doing it solely to see if I'm good enough for them, which feels really invasive and predatory. I fully understand most people can't just enjoy something, that's how the world is, it just kinda sucks sometimes. The world kind sucks sometimes. Alright! I'm doing with giving my final thoughts on that subject.(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

The question is specifically about what draws you to art, rather than what turns you away so if you don't want to rag on any art styles that's not what it was asking for I think! Though yes it's very closely related (and it's not bad to say what you don't like)

Eilidh (Lady Changeling)

I definitely am more likely to read a comic that has a distinctive style - no particular style preferences, really. Interesting use of colour/value is definitely a bonus. But as long as it's engaging and the composition is good/readable, I don't really mind whether the art is "good" or not.

DanitheCarutor

@Deo101 [Millennium] I wasn't trying to rag on anything. I couldn't specify what about someone's art would draw me to their comic, it was easier to the one thing that might not, but I still said that I may be drawn in regardless. Sorry if I came off like a douchebag, totally not my intention. <_<'

Deo101 [Millennium]

No I know, someone earlier said "I don't feel like dissi g particular styles" I'll be honest I was typing my post as you were and so I didn't even read yours til after I said something(edited)

Just kind of a general thing! Feels like it went to what turns us away instead of what draws us in so just kinda a reminder of the op

sagaholmgaard

Readability is definitely important for me to want to continue following a comic, but what about the art that makes me want to read something...? I definitely have a preference toward cartoony styles overall. A solid character design will make me wanna check out a comic. If the main character has a recognizable silhouette and interesting shape language. I also love really bold lineart, especially if it's used to create shadow and contrast. Interesting color schemes too. I think how the background is drawn can really make me want to read something as well. I know BGs aren't people's favorite thing to draw but to me if the setting looks very well though out and designed, that definitely motivates me to check something out. And awe-inspiring sceneries are always hella cool! I read a lot of things outside of my artistic preferences though, but I think these are the things that might make me pick something up based only on the art itself.

keii4ii

I think I tend to find more appeal in certain compositions, which is a more subtle aspect of style. I am a major sucker for evocative use of backshots/ not-showing-the-(whole)-face, for one thing. Compositions that make full use of the three dimensional space around the figure(s) is another (this doesn't necessarily mean putting a lot of stuff around the character; you can have a mostly empty space and still make it feel very 3D).

(I hope both of those things show in my own works... I just love those things soooo much )

Deo101 [Millennium]

Oh I LOVE when a panel like... Cuts a face. Something about it makes me lose my mind every time

DanitheCarutor

@Deo101 [Millennium] Ooh! Lol sorry about that! I was so caught up with off computer stuff that I didn't notice anything else typing while I was. I haven't read the whole conversation yet, but I can see how it would turn to that. "What draws you in" is a hard topic to stay on. At least I imagine it would be since it's hard for me to talk about.

Ah! I admit I really like shots focused on scale, specifically ones were you can feel how tiny the MC is compared to what the camera is focused on. Does that make sense? Like the panel shows this ginormous thing, and it has the MC in it to show how massive it really is. That's awesome when done right.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Tiny little person. Yes. Very good

DanitheCarutor

Tiny people in giant worlds are the best!

keii4ii

I love those too!

DanitheCarutor

Oh, also this isn't a webcomic, but I've been interested in reading Vinland Saga after seeing this page on Twitter.(edited)

Something about extremely hideous expressions on semi-realistic faces jives with me.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

What draws me in easiest is the design aspect of characters, environment and the webcomic title! It's a bit of a turn off when the title doesn't look polished. That's one of the main draws for me is an intriguingly designed logo with a catchy name that follows through their chosen aesthetic. I've seen many comics that stand apart from the title image they chose and it's a bit jarring to see! Great examples of wonderful execution of these aesthetics are BlackOut City, O'Sarilho, Sink Your HookTeeth and Shadrunners(obvs there are many more) I have to agree with @sagaholmgaard about backgrounds! There are quite a few creators who avoid them and stick to simple colours and gradients that just dont keep me in the comic- though my fave genres include a lot of world building, so BGs in a romance may not be emphasized as much. Lastly, dynamic character design!! I love a wonderfully crafted cast that allows me to read the characters easily no matter what setting or outfit they're in. Also it's really random but i do love an artist who can draw really good shoes?? That is always a draw in for me (edited)

Capitania do Azar

Oh I meant it in the way that if you spend a lot of time experimenting with different styles and techniques, you'll never be good at any of them. Style and approach changing over time is, imo, inevitable and good :) @sagaholmgaard(edited)

@@FeatherNotes(Krispy) I constantly think my logo looks like crap next to other webcomics', so thank you (edited)

DanitheCarutor

Oh god, @FeatherNotes(Krispy). Titles and logos are legit my weakest point, that part of the comic creation process is the worst! I have this cosmic-horror/fantasy comic I've been developing since 2005, and it took me till just last year to come up with a decent title. It'll probably take another 14 years to come up with a passable logo. Lmao!

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

It is really hard! Because that image/logo and name represents the body of work so firmly, its also got to stand strong with what it's representing and stand up to other titles too! Basically, i like to think of something that will help generate top results when i search on google for the title, which to me helps it stand on its own on the web, and sound catchy enough for pitches in person! I don't want to steer the convo away too much from the prompt, but there is definitely more to discuss about titles and their chosen aesthetics

varethane

@DanitheCarutor have you read Golden Kamuy? If you love hilariously hideous expressions in manga, it seems like it may be your jam lol

(it's also set in a specific historical period and contains a lot of really interesting material about the time/place it takes place in)

Also I feel like I have never, even one time in my life, come up with a good title for anything-- both Chirault and Wychwood are placeholder titles that I used just to kinda name the story for myself, which I initially intended to change when something better came along, and then nothing ever did

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I know I'm generally drawn into a comic if it's just... generally a visual feast? And it doesn't even have to be a beautiful feast - just... a feast! A super intriguing artstyle, beautiful or not, is something for my brain to pick apart and enjoy. Detailed backgrounds, intricate costumes, fascinating presentation/layout... all the way to crazy expressions and fun asides, and even some gory or scary bits to make me go EEK. Basically, if I'm reading it, and my hand is twitching with the prospect of drawing fan art, then I'm in for good.

DanitheCarutor

@FeatherNotes(Krispy) Urg that is such a nightmare! And there are only so many different styles you can do for a logo, and so many variations of words, it's like how there aren't any truly original stories anymore. I got lucky with the title for my current comic, it's the most generic thing ever, but fits in a tongue-in-cheek way. @varethane I've never heard of it, but the face compilations I'm seeing are intriguing! Man, I love stupid facial expressions.

Capitania do Azar

@varethane golden kamuy, I see you are a fellow of taste as well

varethane

(I love it so much)

Capitania do Azar

@DanitheCarutor oh idk about the "only so many things you can do with logos", I've seen amazing things in this world, if there's a limit I'm not seeing it

varethane

(I can always tell exactly when I was binging it because there's a big chunk of my phone's photo gallery that's all screencaps of Asirpa making dumb faces)

Capitania do Azar

@varethane guys shooting each other in the woods? I'm always in for that

DanitheCarutor

@Capitania do Azar Lol I guess? I can't see how you can have an infinite number of designs for writing, while still trying to keep it vaguely readable. But I really don't like lettering, so my imagination is hardcore lacking in that department.

Capitania do Azar

Lettering and logo design are their own fields of expertise, it's ok

meek

Hmm I'm similar to a lot of previous responses where I can't pinpoint a specific style or trend of art work that draws me in because the styles of comics I read differ incredibly. That being said, there are some things that I do look for to keep me coming back: 1) Consistency of style/anatomy: unless there's a specific reason for the general art style to change (not including semi-deformed or chibi versions of characters), I appreciate characters staying proportionate or just otherwise consistent throughout the comic. And art evolution isn't something that's at odds with consistency, it can actually help that by making characters more distinct and easier to distinguish from each other. 2) Potential for art evolution: Almost the opposite of the previous point lmao but if I find a new comic and I see the latest page is of a much higher skill level than the first page, I'm immediately hooked. I want to see the journey. And I want to see how far that journey goes, even past the point where the art "gets good". There's at least one comic that I can think of where once it hit the style that it wanted to, the art has stayed consistent for the past several years but so much so it's almost plateaued and become stagnant. It's still good art, by all means! But I want to see it grow and evolve more. 3) Good panel/speech layout: Okay it's not quite art in the same sense but someone else mentioned this above and I think it's important too? There are so many comics I can think of that I couldn't read or I dropped off at a point because reading was a chore, either because of giant or unsightly speech bubbles, tiny or ill-fitting font, a combination of the two, etc. Sure, graphic design and layout is a skillset completely different from pure illustration, but it's one worth knowing because otherwise you could do a disservice to your art and your story.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

@meek Seriously, the text is so important to me, and I consider it a large part of page layout and design

meek

Agreed!! It's something that bothers me with printed comics all the time. I've tried to read so many "classic" graphic novels and I just.. I can't get past the giant text boxes with small font with miniscule kerning and ESPECIALLY if they then add color to it. Please, keep in mind your readers with reading difficulties But to turn this into a positive One of my favorite things that also helps make a comic feel more personal is when the creator turns their handwriting into a font or otherwise have FUN with the speech bubbles

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

YES. As someone with bad eyesight, typography is one of my favorite aspects of finishing a comic page.

Deo101 [Millennium]

It also is super important for me with ADHD, reading is hard enough as is! so bubble layout and clarity can really bring the whole thing together and elevate a comic

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I tried that but got the feedback that my text is hard to read and the way i format my speech bubbles is distracting (: But some people have said they really like it so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Though I do think I could have done better with the font. I have good eyesight and bad handwriting do I think i have a much easier time reading weird text than many. Since you guys care so much about text, would you mind taking a quick glance at my comic and telling me how readable it is? It'd be nice getting feedback from random people as opposed to only my readers who felt strongly enough to leave a comment unprompted

meek

Oh man I have this specific panel in mind from some early 2006 Avengers comic of like.. what not to do Basically it was a bright yellow text box with this white/light blue font. It was just. It was a nightmare to read Oh sure!! Definitely send me a link

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Yep! Send me a link too! I'd love to help you out

I also have a good typography book to recommend if you're interested. I can drop it into #art_resources(edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Here is link: https://www.webtoons.comen/challenge/puppeteer/list?title_no=290620

Thanks for taking the time to give me critique!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

The link's not working, but I can probably find it on Webtoon

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

And I think i dould find a typography book interesting, so yes please do send the link

Sorry, i think the link is missing a slash

Did we both delete the link

Deo101 [Millennium]

did we both delete a

yah

i got it

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Lol

Deo101 [Millennium]

https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/puppeteer/list?title_no=290620

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Thanks

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I found it

(The font is a bit small on mobile, but the font is fine?)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Wait can we move to shop talk?

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

(maybe we can have this discussion on shop talk channel? )

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Sure

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

OH LOL

DanitheCarutor

@Capitania do Azar Oh god, they so are! I envy anyone who enjoys that craft, I'm a lot better than I was, but lettering is still so hard. ;v; At least the fancy stuff is hard, regular speechbubble lettering is easy as long as my hand cooperates.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

There's a book I had to read for a web design course I took, and it is seriously a life saver

It put text in a whole new perspective

DanitheCarutor

I do all my lettering traditionally, but maybe that book would be helpful, I legit hate doing it no matter what medium I use. (sorry for continuing to derail the channel.)

Capitania do Azar

@DanitheCarutor i used a website that converts handwriting to fonts + font forge for tweaks to get personalised fonts

DanitheCarutor

I used to type bubbles out, and I've thought about it for my current comic but I mix up words and letters really bad, and I forget to add words entirely while typing. It wouldn't be so bad if my brain saw the mistakes while rereading everything, although sometimes it takes a couple days or another set of eyes for me to actually see them. When I write the bubbles in with a pen I make a lot less mistakes since it takes more effort to write out each letter, also my brain can keep better track of the ones I do make. I feel like that's an excuse that makes no sense.

Deo101 [Millennium]

no it totally makes sense

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I can't say I'm ever especially drawn in by art? Besides the sense of "it looks like a lighthearted action story and I like lighthearted action stories", not much catches my eye. Though, I will drop a comic if I'm put off by the art. Like I can forgive if some things look janky at the start of the comic, but if that jankiness doesn't improve over time, I'll drop the comic. I'll also drop the comic if the character designs are bad (i.e. indistinguishable from each other, or in rare cases just too gross to look at). But again, I can't exactly say "good character designs draw me into the comic" because a lot of comic banners/thumbnails don't really show off full character designs.

chalcara

Varied bodytypes are catnip for me. And I like comics with expressive characters over comics that limit expressiveness to keep the characters pretty.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Oh, definitely agree with that second part. Comics where it looks like everyone has had a ton of Botox is a huge pet peeve of mine

Like, eyebrows are not the only part of the face that can move.

Do more

renieplayerone

Yeah i agree with the janky art thought. I think it helps me follow through the jank if i see that the later pages, the artist has shown growth, and i dont want to force anyone into a "gotta redraw it" loop if thats not something they want (of course everyone has their reasons and theyre also valid af) Ill tend to be more forgiving about the jank if i know its someones first webcomic or first comic in general, because you cant learn how to make comics without actually sitting down and making the dang thing. So yeah, the jank can be a double edged sword(edited)

What super draws me in is comics with a great sense of color. While i love anything vibrant, if the softer watercolors are done well, they're chefs kiss. Prime example of that is Stand Still Stay Silent

mariah (rainy day dreams)

I've been thinking about this question all week and I think I finally boiled my answer down to something short, sweet, and to the point. It's gotta be some kind of spooky and some kind of cute I have a pretty broad range of art styles I like and I definitely also read stuff that doesn't fall under those categories, but I think my favorite stories or artists are some blend of those two things. I don't really have a preference between color and greyscale. Like I definitely love a good color feast comic, but if you know how to use your grey tones or even just black and white well it's just as good for me. Maybe that's also just me trying to justify being mostly a greyscale artist to myself TuT

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

@mariah (rainy day dreams) devils candy would def be up your alley then!

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Devil's candy v good

renieplayerone

Devils Candy is amazing

mariah (rainy day dreams)

I love to combination of cute monsters and action also.

DanitheCarutor

@renieplayerone I'm not sure if it fits totally with your preference, but if you're looking for watercolor Lost Honey is gorgeous! https://www.losthoney.com/

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Lost Honey is another great comic great to look at, really interesting world

DanitheCarutor

It's one of my faves! ;v; There is another comic that was half watercolor half digital that I used to love reading (if I remember right pages set in the current time were digital, and backstory stuff was in watercolor.), but it has been discontinued for years now. It was called Toilet Genie/D00R, a comic about a genie who was locked in a public toilet and was awakened by a pug that got thrown out by her owners. It was so pretty, with such an interesting style!

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Oh wow I haven't thought about that comic in 5 years! X'D I didn't read much of it, because I don't think there was much of it available at the time, but yeah, that one was also very pretty (edited)

renieplayerone

Oh those colors are really pretty!!

DanitheCarutor

Right? Lost Honey is total eye candy. @mariah (rainy day dreams) Yeah, it's sad the creator never got to finish it. I think about it every so often since it's one of the extremely rare (semi)watercolor webcomics out there.

Also I'm extra attached to traditional mediums since I work in a traditional medium myself.

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Same. Got that ink wash/watercolor bias.

Eilidh (Lady Changeling)

My current comic is marker shaded but I so want to do something with ink wash after this one...

DanitheCarutor

Yeah, right now I'm working with color pencils since they're cheap but I want to give gouache or acrylic a try for my next project, depending on which story I do.

Kabocha

Hm, the question is... a lil' challenging to answer. I think in a lot of cases, the art isn't necessarily what gets me, but when it does -- Sometimes it's when someone uses a resource I like/made and I can go "OOOH! I know that thing you used!" Screentones are another one that gets my attention pretty quick. Sparkles... And probably effective spot color use. As much as I enjoy many full color webcomics, there are many that get tiring to try to read for one reason or another (usually it's either a font or a saturation issue - too many similarly saturated colors near one another gets tiring to read). Also, soft coloring. Oooh, just... when the art feels like it ought to be printed on those soft-touch covers... Yeah, that gets my attention. ...and watercolor/inkwash, too. ... okay that's a lot of things that grab my attention, but tl;dr: oh hey look at all that cool stuff that people can do!

mariah (rainy day dreams)

That was part of what was so hard for me thinking about this question cuz really, a lot of things get my attention X') and the more I thought about it the more I was like "I like when a comic is like X, but oh also Y is great and I do really enjoy Z as well!" I just ... like so many things. But I think that's better than being really picky. I've meet some folks that are super picky about art and basically only like one style and I'm just like... you're missing out on so many amazing things!

Kabocha

Right? And heck, even in some comics where the style would normally be unappealing (to me), there's just something about the art and the aesthetic that clicks to make it all work together for that project.(edited)

I do think, though, that there's always going to be a special place in my heart for greyscale or screentoned comics. There's just something about art that knows how to effectively make use of shading and contrast to make their work... well, work for me.

kayotics

Art is probably the first thing that draws me in to read a comic. The top, top tier thing that gets me to pay attention to a comic is really strong inks. I love inking, and unusual inking styles. To those who know me, that's probably incredibly unsurprising. I also love really angular styles. Some other stuff I gravitate towards: cartoony styles, expressive faces, and kind of ugly characters. I enjoy seeing characters that might be described as plain or are drawn in a bit of an ugly way. The last thing that draws me in? Hands. If an art style pays attention to hands, then I'm all for it.

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Does a comic have characters with big, crooked, toothy grins? I'm down for the count X'D https://media.tenor.com/images/618576ebcc4f6d2a12438624be77c54f/tenor.gif

varethane

oh hey, did someone mention webcomics done in ink wash/marker?

Chirault was that!

1367 pages of..... ink with greyscale marker..........

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

honestly blows me away that you toned it traditionally like, all of GJS is inked trad, but to ink AND tone in marker is just.....damn

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I love ugly characters

RebelVampire

When it comes to art, I'd say there are about four factors that will draw me in. First, readability. Can I visually follow wtf is going on in the comic? I have no interest in the visuals if I can't understand what action characters are taking. So the first point is always for if that is true. Second, character distinguishability. Can I tell one character from another? I am notoriously bad even in real life at being able to tell people apart, so when reading for fun, it's super important to me that I don't have to put a lot of effort into telling characters apart (exceptions for identical twins, of course). Third, personal appeal. Do I think the art is pretty or cute? Like, obviously this is subjective so I can't really put into words why I'd find one style appealing and the other not. But ya know, I like stuff I think is pretty to look at. Fourth, backgrounds. If a creator puts a lot of effort into their background scenery, I'm very sold on it. I love beautiful backgrounds, and the effort put into them give me an overall better impression of the comic as a whole. Since it takes some real passion to take care with backgrounds. All this being said, I'm not much of a stickler for art. If a comic is well-written enough, they can fail all these points and I'll still read it. This is just a list of what aspects have to be in the art for it to draw me in.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

My points are pretty much the same as Rebel's, with the addition of a few things: I adore comics with dramatic facial expressions and consistently excellent anatomy. Also, if the art style is unique? If I feel like I've never seen someone draw that way before? That's ++. So good. I've read comics where I thought the art was good but the story was mediocre, but I've never read a comic where the art met all my points (and Rebel's), where it made me go, "holy fuck," audibly, and then had the story disappoint. Comics where the art made me go "holy fuck" audibly: Excecutioner's Academy: The art is so pointy and colorful and detailed and weird. It's full of personality and life and so are the characters. Warning: hiatus comic ): https://tapas.io/series/Ex-Ac Ava's Demon: You guys know about Ava's Demon, right? With original music and animations ending every chapter, this might be the most effortful comic I've ever seen. https://www.avasdemon.com/pages.php#2611 Sfeer Theory: Everyone looks so different from each other, it's fantastic. Some characters are not conventionally beautiful, yet they're still so appealing. And backgrounds! And a thought-out and unique magic system! https://sfeertheory.com/comic/01-00/ Electric Bones: Backgrounds! Banter! http://electricbonescomic.com/index.php/comic/page-001/ I also loved Prague Race, but unfortunately it was cancelled ):

If anyone else has recommendations for comics with amazing art, I'd love to hear them!

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

For me, it just has to be an art style I like to attract my attention. I generally like realistic art, stylised art, or pretty much any style that hasn’t been done to death (like generic anime art; much as I love manga, I’m really tired of the over-saturation of bland and soulless anime-inspired art). Pretty much anything unique and well executed will grab my attention. I especially like greyscale and limited palettes.(edited)

And just to clarify, I do like anime-style art when it has expression and/or skill behind it; just not when it looks generic and manufactured. Overall, though, it’s the writing that’s ultimately the most important thing to me in a comic, so I’ll enjoy comics for their writing even if I’m not a fan of the art.