#the only way they could get more obvious is making it a christmas episode

[haven-of-dusk]

They really had no reason to write Buck into the middle of a Hallmark Movie style love triangle if they aren't planning on doing something with Buddie.

[chelseeebe]

i still love you, i promise

18+. smut. mentions of domestic violence (eddie is NOT the perpetrator!!!) exhusband!eddie x fem reader. this is far more nice domesticity than smut

if i’m being honest i don’t like the ending to this buuuuut i wanted to put it out because it’s been a while!! i have some holiday themed stuff cooking that i want to post before christmas so let’s all pray i actually finish it! i also wanted to just disclaim that yes cheating is bad yadda yadda yadda but we make an exception for fiction and especially for dear reader and eddie okay!?

☾ ⋆｡°✩

the tv rumbles on in the background, eddie’s eyes darting to the clock to determine whether another episode would be wise or not. 

fuck it. 

it plays on anyway, illuminating his dark living room and his terrible posture. he’d spend another couple hours here before finally dragging himself off to bed somewhere between one and two. 

he jumps out of his skin at the sound of hammering, a chorus of fists pummel the door, startling him from his slouch. whichever asshole had the audacity to bang on his door at this time would certainly live to regret it. 

he swings open the door with such force, his fist already clenched, expecting to beat the ever-loving shit out of someone only to find three sleepy faces smiling up at him. 

and you. 

stood behind your grinning sons, completely dejected as you balance what looked to be the entirety of your belongings in your arm. 

“what the f-“ managing to stop himself as the boys run around his legs to get inside. 

his eyes fall bank to your face, the shining bright maroon bruise adorning your cheek only becoming apparent to him now. 

“what happened?” eddie frets, caressing your cheek with a gentle hand, “what the fuck happened?” he didn’t really need you to tell him, that much was obvious. 

you sigh, he hadn’t seen you this low in years, no witty quips or snarling insults. just a permanent scowl and dried tears on your cheeks. 

“can you just..” moving your head from his grasp, “can you put them to bed for me? please?” desperation rippling through your tone. 

“yeah.. yeah of course,” stepping out of the way to welcome you inside, “but you’re telling me what the fuck happened after.” 

-

it’s at least forty five minutes before they settle, eddie growing more and more impatient with every stifled giggle and unnecessary request for the bathroom or water. 

when he does eventually close the door and make his way back to the kitchen, you’re stood over the sink, opened beer bottle in hand as you stare out of the window onto the street. 

“what happened?” he asks gently, hoping not to startle you though you jump anyway.

eddie grabs a bag of opened peas from his freezer, storming over to press the cold bag to your now, very violet cheekbone. 

you sigh again, much different to the usual exhausted mutters you gave him, “it doesn’t matter- thank you for doing that.” 

“too fucking right it does- did he hit you? did he touch the boys?” his grip on the bag tightening as his knuckles glow white. 

“no, he didn’t touch the boys,” placing your hand on top of his, taking the bag of vegetables from him, “just me.” 

eddie can’t help himself, the rage bubbling over once again, “i’ll kill him- i’ll go over there right now and kill that fucker,” searching for the key to his van, anticipating a night in jail for whatever was about to happen. 

your frown only grows deeper, “don’t be fucking stupid,” a disapproving frown etched on your face, watching him flap about the kitchen only to pause, blinking at you. 

“he hit you,” annunciating the words just in case you didn’t already know. 

you hum in acknowledgment, taking another swig of beer, “you got any cigarettes?”

eddie pauses again, completely astonished that you could be so calm about this. but, he’s nothing if not your willing servant, getting the box out of his pocket to hold out to you. 

“can you be serious about this? please?” withholding the box just before your grasp. 

“what do you want me to say eddie? he punched me in the face! it’s done, it’s over. i just wanna have a cigarette and drink my fucking beer, okay?” the dejected look on your face makes his heart sore, he hadn’t wanted to upset you, just get you to agree to him going over there and beating his ass. 

he nods, pointing at the balcony doors, “alright.. alright,” giving up entirely, “go ahead.” 

eddie slips out into the cool night with you, dropping the cig in your open palm, lighting his own in a bid to calm down. 

“thank you, by the way,” exhaling softly, “it means a lot, it’s just-,” you sigh, looking off into the distance, “it’s a lot for me to deal with right now, you don’t need to worry about me.” 

that was all you needed to say, a hint of guilt hitting his chest. eddie hadn’t meant to be so abrupt, so pissed off, it had just washed over him in a scornful fury. 

“i’m always gonna worry ‘bout you.” 

your lips crack into a smile for the first time this evening, relieving a little regret from his heart. 

“now smoke your cigarette and drink your fucking beer,” parroting your earlier outburst, with love of course. far too much love really, so much so he didn’t know what to do with it all. 

-

the first time actually sleeping next you again had never meant to be on his pitiful pull out couch, it felt almost unnatural. 

eddie slept here a lot, especially when he had the boys, but he can’t help but feel you deserve better. 

not that either of you are sleeping, you’re tossing and turning too much for him to drift off to sleep. 

you sigh for the four hundredth time, turning onto your back with a disgruntled huff.

“can’t sleep?” he asks, knowing the answer already. 

you startle, expecting him to have been asleep, “no, not really.”

“yeah i can tell,” deciding to spring some humour back into such a glum night, “you haven’t stayed still all night,” rolling onto his back to join you in staring at the dark ceiling. 

“i’m not a good wife-“ completely out of left field, forcing his brows to knit together in confusion. 

“that’s not true,” eddie interjects, pulling your body into his chest, really just trying to stop this self loathing shit you had going on. 

you chuckle, wrapping an arm over his waist, “i’ve cheated on him like a thousand times eddie, i know i’m not.”

“only with me right?” he asks curiously, unprepared for any answer other than yes. 

“yeah, only you.”

“then i don’t think that counts,” entirely too confident, “i’m your ex husband, he should know that you’d never be completely over me.”

he can feel your chest rise and fall nestled into his side, a deep sigh escaping your lips before slinging your leg over his waist to scoot on top, his hands don’t hesitate to slide downward to rest on your doughy hips. 

“hey, at least you might be invited to the next wedding,” your arms snake around his neck, running your fingers through the hair on the nape of his neck. 

this sort of intimacy was what eddie missed most, just being able to touch you whenever he liked. starting out completely innocent just to naturally slip into something more. christ, he’d pay millions to have it back. 

especially when you looked like this, your ragged oversized shirt and a pair of shorts from before bill clinton’s administration. perfect. 

“uhh no, i won’t be going unless it’s me you’re marrying,” sliding his hands from your hips to your ass, resisting the urge to growl as he does so. 

you laugh, breath brushing against his cheeks, “is that right?”

you’re so close, you may as well just meld into one body, a mess of limbs and parts. keeping your face, for obvious reasons. 

“yeah, so don’t forget it,” grabbing a handful of your luscious ass, savouring the way you felt in his grasp. 

your eyes roll back on their own, shifting only slightly to discover his dick stiffening, the rising tent in his scruffy old boxers. 

“are you hard already?” 

eddie chooses to ignore your sneering tone, his voice thick with exhaustion, “what do you think?” 

“of course you are,” sucking the backs of your teeth, “what’re you? 15?” but your thighs spread, moving into a more comfortable position for what was obviously about to happen. 

“you’re a weirdo,” he laughs, mindlessly grinding upwards, planting his feet firmly on the shitty mattress to help keep you upright. 

“mmhmm,” humming to yourself as you lean forwards, pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose, “and you love it.” 

eddie sighs, moving your hips backwards with his hands, “you’re gonna have to get off of me if you’re not gonna do anything,” the feel of your warmth against his growing erection only making it worse, growling with need. 

your hands trail down his chest, stopping at his pudgy tummy, a feat he’s sworn to get rid of for years now. “what makes you think i’m not gonna do anything?” tucking two fingers inside the waistband of his strained boxers, teasing them down like he won’t cum right then and there. 

he hums, his breathing becoming laboured, “i- fuck, i dunno,” losing all coherent train of thought when you tug his boxers down below his heavy balls, dick springing up against his stomach. 

your tongue peeks out, wetting your lips, “thank you,” coming out of nowhere, “for letting us- or- me stay here,” hands lingering on his ribs. 

“of course,” a no-brainer, really. you were and always have been the love of his life, he’d do anything for you anytime, “you don’t ever have to thank me for shit,” giving your ass a generous squeeze for good measure. 

“yeah i know,” exhaling as you shuffle upward, lousy shorts pulled to the side as you fist his dick, positioning his tip at your sopping entrance, “but i’m gonna.” 

and with that, he slides inside, welcomed into your warmth with a soft moan, your hands finding his sighing shoulders to rest on as you move slowly.

it’s all painfully slow, knowing you weren’t alone and ran the risk of being interrupted at any point meant a milder version of events than what this room usually saw. 

he plants both hands on your cheeks, bringing your face in close, “you can get married a thousand more times and it’d still always be you,” breathlessly, pressing his sticky forehead against yours.

“st-stop it,” a shuddered breath, his gooey sentiments making your cheeks flush. 

“i mean it,” eddie’s sure he can feel your eyelashes flutter against his own, “no one’ll ever come close,” stilling his hips, your tepid smile and laboured breathing was enough to make him cum right now. 

“eddie,” you coo, coming to a halt to send a warning glare in his direction, “i’m still married,” as if soppy words meant more than the continued torrid affair you’d been having. 

“i’m literally inside of you,” he chuckles, finding your waist to caress instead, “you know this already.”

“mhm you are,” shifting on your knees, obviously hoping to distract him from his confession, “so shut up and fuck me,” whispering harshly, your finger lingers over his lips. 

he nods, losing the battle anyway. his hips thrust upward, meeting yours in a rushed manner, you gasp softly only tightening your grasp on his skin. 

the couch creaks, the springs begging for solace as you begin to move with him, containing your pretty little mewls within. eddie already knows he’s going to cum quick, he hadn’t seen you in weeks and even his hand had started to bore him. 

“oh shit,” he groans, running a hand underneath your shirt and up your flexed back, “i’m not gonna last,” gazing into your half-moon eyes, not put off by your growing smile. 

“no?” bouncing your hips faster, deliberately clenching your pussy around his cock, spurring him on for a disappointing showing, “you can’t wait f’me?” goading him, wanting him to cum just so you can hold it over his head. 

eddie pants in time with your frantic hips, allowing you to take control completely. he loves it like this, when you just use him to get off. barely able to keep watching you through hooded eyes, the sight of your wild waist sending him into overdrive. 

“nuhuh,” he strains, wetting his lips as he tries his utmost to keep going, “i can’t.. you feel so good,” through gritted teeth, his heels dig into the couch as a means to ground himself, prolong his climax for as long as possible. 

“c’mon eds,” pressing your damp forehead to his, “‘m nearly there,” positioning yourself so he nestles into your sweet spot, a clammy hand palms at the back of his neck as you desperately rut your hips. 

concentrated gasps fall out of his parted lips, reminding himself to keep breathing concurrently with every jerk and swing of your body. 

sticky skin meshes into one, he doesn’t know where you end and he begins, just a heaving pile of limbs on his couch. 

he’s trying to think of something, anything else to stop him busting his nut, but you’re whimpering, making these soft sounds and your eyes are rolling and it’s all too much. 

he’s thrusting upward without much thought, spilling over in a whirlwind of his nerves exploding and guttural grunts. filling you up, completely unapologetic in the moment, he knows he’ll make it up to you somehow. 

eddie can’t even comprehend your annoyed plight, his ears ringing and his vision fuzzy while you settle on his thighs. he can just about make out your frustrated pout, scowling at him as he floats slowly back to earth. 

“you’re so mean,” cupping his chin to force his eyes to meet yours, “i can’t believe you.” 

his eyelids flutter, sinking into the pillows with you still perched atop his thighs, “sorry sweetheart.. not my fault you feel so good,” sighing as the sleep takes over his eyes, lazily running his fingers over your supple thighs. 

you groan, sliding off of his lap to your spot next to him, pulling the blanket up and over you both. at least maybe now you’d get some sleep, though eddie’s not certain he will. thoughts of beating the life out of david crowd his mind, clearly not as empathetic or understanding as you were. 

he snakes an arm around your waist, watching your face as your features settle, embracing the tired aching of your bones. 

-

an ear-piercing, blood-curdling screech serves as your alarm, closely followed by three lots of footsteps banging down the wooden stairs in his apartment. 

eddie can’t have had more than three hours of sleep. holding onto your twitching body, preoccupied with guilt and anger over your bruised cheek instead. if he had been a better husband, this wouldn’t have ever happened. 

but now, he’s forced awake by your children, groaning into the pillow as their limbs flail and scramble onto the couch, screaming about breakfast and cartoons. 

“alright alright!” he huffs, still gruff from his lack of sleep, “get the hell off me,” shielding your head with his arms while they settle into place. 

“do we have have to go to school?” oscar perks up, an opportunist like his father. 

“uhh yeah,” you emerge from the blanket cocoon to scold your idiotic children, “what makes you think you’d be skipping today?” 

“because we’re at dads house, we only come here on the weekend,” so innocent, though you can both see right through it. 

“it’s tuesday,” you chuckle, “you’re going to school,” tipping them from your legs to stand up. 

there’s an unexpected sadness that settles in his chest, a knowing that he’d missed out on this for too long because he fucked up in the first place. 

eddie climbs out of the makeshift bed anyway, masking his lingering sadness with a cough, determined to make his incompetence up to you somehow. 

“i’ll get them ready,” he assures, leaning ever so nonchalantly against the counter, “go, take my bed, you need it more than i do,” it’d quite simply take all of his might not to crawl up the stairs and join you, leaving you alone in his bed was just torture. 

you nod, muttering a quiet thanks before shuffling off, running your fingers over benji’s mop of hair for good measure as you go. he was the only one that had inherited eddie’s curls, though unlike his dad’s, his sat nearly atop his head and not hastily thrown into a bun like his. 

“alright freaks, what’s for breakfast?” 

-

toast and ice cream apparently. 

a long battle of no’s and absolutely not’s ended with eddie conceding to his feral children, on the condition that they had toast as well as their ice cream. 

it worked, for the most part, until it came time to leave and oscar couldn’t find his pencil case and benji’s shoes needed to be tied. 

but they’d made it to the gates only a few minutes late, bundling them out of his car and far far away for eight hours. 

he still needed to call the shop and let them know he wouldn’t be in, not for a couple days at least. you were his priority now, not that you hadn’t ever been, they all knew he’d drop work if you asked. 

eddie leaps up to his apartment, desperate to get back to you. he wasn’t expecting to find you in the kitchen, washing the dishes from his chaotic excuse for breakfast. 

“did they have ice cream for breakfast?” you ask the second he enters the room. your tone gives nothing away, forcing him to answer cautiously in case yes was the wrong answer. 

“it’s the only thing they’d eat,” he holds his hands up in admission of his guilt, “they had toast too though,” sidling up besides the sink, studying your eyes to grasp whether you were pissed. 

“alright,” nodding as you drain the sink, wiping your hands with the dish towel, “they had a shitty night, ice cream is fine,” shrugging as you turn to him. 

is this a ruse? were you about to release your real frustration? eddie’s not sure and he’s not about to find out. 

“how ‘bout some food? we could go out?” changing the subject entirely, a safe, but wise move. 

you blink, glancing at the clock, “you don’t have work?” 

he shakes his head no, “called in, told them you needed me here so.. you’re stuck with me,” sliding closer along the countertop, a bashful grin overcoming his features. 

he’s not sure how long this’ll last but he’s going to soak up every last minute of you being here, letting him dote on you instead of refusing, a semblance of the old life he so dearly missed. 

“i want a burger,” stating plainly, knowing he’d get you anything you asked for. 

“i can do that,” he eyes your disheveled shirt and no pants, “you wanna get changed first or are we just going like this?” 

you snarl before scurrying off to get ready. eddie finds it difficult to not let his heart swell, he’d never fallen out of love with you exactly, but he’s certain he’s falling in love with you all over again. 

-

eddie’s not complaining at all, but he’d forgotten just how long you took to get ready sometimes. 

an hour later and you reappear, the maroon marking still adorning your face, though you look a little less tired and a little more like you. 

deciding on a benny’s special over shitty fast food which he didn’t mind. eddie used to work at benny’s right around the time you got pregnant with oscar, it was a short lived job though, he wasn’t exactly cut out for customer service even in your local dinner. 

benny was kind enough to let him go with his whole pay check, he’d always had a soft spot for him. 

“are you getting out or..” his hand pauses on the door handle, staring at your frozen body.  

“uh no? not with this,” gesturing to the bright purple bruise decorating your face. 

eddie’s brows furrow, you weren’t one to care about what people thought of you, especially not something shallow like a bruise. 

“why? d’you think anyone’s gonna care?” completely dumbfounded by your hesitance. 

you scoff, “no eds, i don’t want anyone to think that you did it.”

oh. 

“oh.. shit, yeah,” it was so unfathomable to him to ever think about hitting you that the the thought had just never crossed his mind, he would never, not even if his life depended on it. 

“yeah,” you repeat, laughing at his ignorance, “i’m doing this for you,” staying put in your seat, a self-righteous nod as he clambers out, having already memorised your order on the journey over. 

he can’t stop thinking about it. 

that anyone could ever assume he’d do that to you. 

he lost his temper sometimes but not like that, never at you. it makes him nauseous to even imagine, babbling through his order while all his brain can fathom is you. 

eddie’s more sure than ever that he had to do whatever it took to keep you next to him forever. you liked to joke a lot about your divorce, how it was the best two thousand bucks you’ve ever spent, but eddie’s not sure it’s at all true. 

he slides back into the car, holding the food in his lap while he, rather shoddily, thinks this through. 

“what? what’s wrong?” oblivious to the inner workings of his head, the buzzing feeling of electricity coursing through his veins. 

the car is silent, though he’s certain you can hear his brain ticking along before he takes a hold of your hand. 

“i’ve been thinking,” your arm going limp with his touch, befuddled by his sudden change in demeanour. 

“oh no,” laughing quietly, letting him continue whatever this was, “that’s never a good thing.”

he slides his ring from his finger, still unable to part with the commitment he’d made, and slides it onto your, notably empty, fourth finger, “i want you to have this, and i want you to keep it until you’re ready- whether that’s a couple of months or twenty years,” twisting the metal around and around, “i’ll be there.”

“eddie,” too gentle for scolding, perhaps it was purely pitiful instead. but your eyes soften when they catch his forlorn gaze, squeezing his fingers for good measure.

a sign that maybe not all hope was lost.

[quinnnfabrgay-writes]

Santa's Little Helpers pt. i

pairing: dieter x fat f!reader x ezra (eventually)

summary: Dieter gets you two a gig as Santa's Little Helpers at the mall in town.

wc: 1.8k

tags/warnings: established fwb (dieter x reader), mentions of being overstimulated (and not in the fun and sexy way), screaming children mentioned, Michael Buble mention (apologies to those that enjoy his music lol), the dialogue is cheesy as hell (and i enjoy the hell out of it)

a/n: Happy (belated) Christmas Lo, @covetyou ! It is I, your @dieterbravobrainrotclub Secret Santa! I'm so sorry this is after actual Christmas, but I still hope it brings you some cheer. And I'm so sorry that I have to split it into two parts, I refuse to get rid of the smut, but that part's not quite finished yet, and I didn't want to make you wait any longer without at least something.Thank you for answering my many asks, Ezra and Dieter are a FILTHY pair together and I wanted to make sure they didn't go too overboard and ick you out, lol. Not gonna lie, I was VERY intimidated when I got your name, I absolutely love every single thing you write, so I hope this can bring you even a fraction of the amount of joy you bring to this fandom!

There was a very different direction I was going to go with this, but then I remembered the "Previously Unaired Christmas" episode of Glee existed, and then this mess was born. But instead of Sexy Santa getting them drunk and robbing them, they all bone down freaknasty holiday style. Unfortunately, said boning takes place in pt. ii.

A major shoutout to @perotovar for encouraging my cheesy and filthy inclinations; another shoutout to @morallyinept for her Ezra One Stop Shop post, I know I definitely need to spend more time with Ezra to really understand him, but this was a MASSIVE help when tackling this incredibly intimidating character; and a HUGE thank you to @sp00kymulderr for not only putting this event together, but also for creating such a fun and accepting environment for us all to share.

Divider credit: @saradika-graphics

"Dieter… what the ever loving fuck have you gotten us into now?"

You stare bewilderingly at your best friend and roommate before you, a pile of red and green fabric clutched in his arms, golden jingle bells stitched onto the itchy looking fabric. Dieter simply shrugs his shoulders, a dopey grin on his face.

"I got us a gig!"

You continue to stare incredulously as he retreats back towards your shared bedroom, no further explanation given as if it was the most ordinary and obvious thing in the world. Even in the many years you have known Dieter, growing up together and running off to Hollywood to pursue your shared dreams, he still finds ways to leave you absolutely flummoxed.

His voice echoes from down the hall, "come on and get ready or we're going to be late!"

You roll your eyes and huff as you begrudgingly make your way to the bedroom. A gig is a gig, right?

You could kill Dieter with your own two hands right now and you would still need an outlet for the frustration coursing through you.

Shrieks and cries of children mix with the drone of too many people carrying on in their own conversations, the irritating tinny sound of Christmas songs playing over the mall's sound system paired with the scratchy, clingy fabric of what turned out to be an elf costume Dieter had brought home are all combining into the perfect recipe for an overstimulated meltdown on your end.

You fidget with the neckline of your costume, your tits threatening to pop out every time you take too deep of a breath. The way the fabric clings to your curves isn't necessarily uncomfortable, but it's obvious it wasn't intended to fit this way. The dress supplied to you was clearly made for someone smaller, but Dieter swore up and down that was the biggest size they had. You would have believed him if it weren't for the fact that every time you look over at him, you find his eyes glued to your chest, a wry smirk at home on his lips.

If you weren't so goddamn annoyed you might've been able to appreciate that, in fact, you do look smokin' hot in this ridiculous polyester get-up. But as the minutes tick on and on, the Santa appointed to your shift, some guy named Gary, still nowhere in sight, you're one more Michael Buble rendition of any Christmas song away from throwing a tantrum that could rival a toddler's. And there are a few throwing spectacular fits at the moment while waiting in line.

You lean over in Dieter's direction, a fake cheerful smile plastered across your face in hopes of not showing your annoyance as you grumble under your breath, "where the fuck is this guy?"

"HO HO HO!"

You and Dieter both whip around in the direction of the outburst, watching as who you assume to be Gary dressed as Santa jogs his way over to the fake North Pole set up in the middle of the mall.

He waves to the crowd as children start cheering and screeching choruses of Santa, it's Santa, hi Santa in hopes of getting his attention.

"I must apologize, sorry to keep you all waiting! There was a small hiccup at the toy factory that Santa had to attend to," he bellows joyfully, a soft twang to his words barely concealed. Some of the parents laugh along, just happy that they're that much closer to getting this over with, "but that's no excuse, so Santa here has brought you some extra special goodies!"

More cheers and echoes of excitement erupt from the children in line as he raises a red felt bag filled to the brim with games and toys. You sneak a look over at Dieter, a mirrored expression of uneasiness staring back at you as the crowd of over ecstatic tots starts to get more rambunctious.

But just when you're afraid you're about to have a panic attack and pass out dressed as Santa's #1 slutty elf mistress in the middle of a mall, the Santa raises a single gloved hand, his left palm radiating an air of authority. You stare in awe as the shrieks and screams dwindle into quiet excited giggles. A knowing and satisfied smirk peeks out from under the full fake beard, a quiet chuckle escapes his lips before he turns towards the plush red velvet chair that's been sitting in waiting for his arrival.

It's hard to swallow as you discreetly press your thighs together, not sure you want to even try and get into why that one simple action was so. damn. hot.

The quiet confidence and inherent authority in which he moved, the way he was able to tame a crowd with a few sweet words and the wave of his hand.

And there you were absolutely floored.

He takes a seat, quickly slapping his knees before reaching his hands out and addressing everyone.

"Alright now, who's first?"

Time must have somehow sped up, because in no time at all the last child in line was receiving her gift from Santa's bag, squealing an enthusiastic thank you thank you thank you! before launching herself at him and giving Santa a big hug, her parents apologizing as they try to coax her off of him.

As the family starts walking away, the girl chatting excitedly over her new gift, Santa stands and turns towards you and Dieter, clapping his hands before giving you two a giant smile.

"Thank you both for sticking around, Gary had to drop out last minute. I didn't get the call to come fill in until about 20 minutes before I showed up. Had to change into the suit before I even got in the car."

You arch an eyebrow, leaning your head to the side in thought before asking, "But what about the toys? How were you able to scrounge those up last minute? We thought this was just supposed to be pictures with Santa."

He rubs the back of his neck as he drops his gaze, not making any eye contact as he softly chuckles, a blush creeping up his face giving him those picture perfect red rosy cheeks mostly associated with Santa.

"I uh… I own the toy store just down the street, figured it was the least I could do knowing how long these people must have been waiting in line."

You just stare in silence, unable to comprehend just how good this mysterious man is. From beside you, all you hear is Dieter whispering in amazement, "you really are Santa."

The man just chuckles again, shaking his head softly before motioning to the fake Santa's Workshop behind him "If you don't mind I'm going to dip into there real quick and make a quick call, let Gary know everything got taken care of."

Not even one second after the door closes, you and Dieter are turning to each other, eyes wide, both of your faces scrunched in poor attempts at hiding your smiles and giggles as you both freak out over who you have now dubbed as Sexy Santa.

"Oh my god!" you whisper scream.

"Okay, so you were feelin' it too? I was so afraid that I had finally gone too far lusting after a mall Santa."

You both keep your voices low, whispering almost conspiratorially over your shared sudden crush.

"Okay, okay, shhh," you whisper and laugh, taking Dieter by the shoulders, forcing him to keep still and focus on you. "Okay, so I know this is a little out there, even for us, but we don't know this guy - it's not like we're going to run into him on a daily basis, so I say we shoot our shot. Wanna see if he wants to come home with us?"

"You saucy little minx," Dieter teases. "Usually I'm the one with the bad ideas."

You simply shrug, a cheeky grin etched across your face, "I'm owed a couple of my own, aren't I?"

Before you can think too hard on it and start double guessing yourself, you skip up to the door, knocking as the nerves already start threatening to creep in.

A muffled come in echoes from inside.

Neither you nor Dieter were quite ready for the Adonis that was standing in front of you. The Santa jacket shed away, along with the hat, gloves, and beard, leaving the mystery man in a tight white undershirt, the felt pants attached to red suspenders still strapped around his shoulders. His left bicep testing the barriers of how much a sleeve can be stretched, his golden skin littered with random freckles, or at least from what little you can see. A small tuft of blonde hair standing out amongst the rest of his dark brown tresses piques your interest.

Something glinting under the lights catches your eye, bringing your attention to his right side, and in turn bringing your attention to his right arm which seemed to be made of… metal?

You quickly avert your gaze back up, hoping that you weren't caught staring, but you weren't quick enough. Your eyes meeting his own, a smile still on his face.

"I usually prefer to go without it," he shrugs, chuckling before continuing, "but I didn't really want to answer questions as to why Santa had one arm all of a sudden."

Both you and Dieter quietly giggle, both of you clearly charmed by his apparent altruistic proclivities.

"So you really are just some nice guy, huh?" Dieter sounds from beside you. Alright, I guess we're trying to butter him up first, not a bad plan.

In the blink of an eye, the atmosphere in the small shed changes, thickens with a sudden and growing tension. Ezra's smile twisting into a mischevious smile as he eyes you both up and down.

"Well, I never said I was nice."

Before either of you can respond, he takes a couple of steps towards where you and Dieter stand frozen in anticipation, scratching at the scruff on his jaw, his eyes alight with what only could be described as trouble. He leans forward slightly, his voice dropping to a teasing murmur.

"You do realize the two of you don't whisper as quietly as you think you do, right?"

Oh shit.

Your heart sinks down to the bottom of your stomach, looking over at Dieter for some reassurance, but instead it only makes your nerves spike more as you can see him struggling to mask his growing embarrassment.

"I mean, the two of you don't even know my name."

Oh my god, he thinks we're just a couple of freaks. Fair, but fuck!

"Listen, we-we're sorry you overheard that. We sh-"

He raises his left palm, quieting your rambled apologies.

"Mmm, now I didn't say that as an objection, it was just a mere observation."

You struggle to catch your breath as he drops his hand and shuffles closer, leaning forward to mumble in yours and Dieter's ear.

"I may not be the real Santa, but I have an inkling that the two of you have been real naughty this year. I'd love to show you what happens when his little elves start getting these… unsavory ideas in their little heads."

[haloreigns]

Subtle and not so subtle Clues/Hints that both Cell and Freeza are gay AND that Freeza has a crush on Cell🔽 UPDATED

- In ep 1, Cell and Zarbon have a "moment."

- When Freeza is choking Cell with his tail, he says, "You've awakened something I think.." Alluding to the fact that he may be into choking.

- In ep 3, the obvious, "I choose tails." "So you're giving me head?" Line is obvious.

- Before Freeza throws the ball at Cell, he calls him a "comely cockroach." Comely means pleasant to look at or attractive.

- "No Freeza, fuck ME."👀

- In ep 4, Freeza's response to Dodoria saying Cell's being topped by Froginyu is to instantly, without hesitation say, "Who hasn't?"

- When Froginyu lunges at Cell at the recycle and trash bins, Cell says in the background, "Do not lick me there! I do not know you enough to lick me there!"

- In ep 6, Freeza was watching Cell from his window the whole time.

- In the Christmas special, Freeza's eyes lit up when he saw Cell's gift, but I also think his heart lit up, if you know what I mean.

- Seeing them both sitting next to each other peacefully listening to King Cold's story brings a tear to my eye.

- In ep 8, Freeza is constantly needing to talk to his dad, it screamed coming out to me.

- Freeza's eye roll and tail whip when Cell came up behind him REEKED of sass.

- When Freeza sees Cell and King Cold talking, he says, "What if he hasn't talked about me all day?" Who is talking about? Cell? Or King Cold? I think Cell.

- Freeza says Cell has gotten him down in the dumps because he's been stealing all the attention, but I think there's more to it than that.

- Dodoria implied that Freeza's feelings of abandonment were coming from within. "Maybe it's not about Cell, maybe it's about you."

- When Freeza is having trouble sleeping, he says, "Damn you, you Chartreuse Charlatan!" And at first I thought Chartreuse was the color purple so I assumed he was talking about his dad, but after looking it up, Chartreuse is the color of Yellow and Green, so he was actually talking about Cell, meaning that he couldn't sleep because Cell was on his mind.👀

- In ep 9, when Cell finds Freeza trying to break into his garage, he assumes he's is having a midnight fling with Super Kami Guru.

- I can't lie, when I first watched this episode, I thought Freeza and Cell were going to start making out after they both slapped each other.

- The amount of times Freeza says "shut up" to Cell in this episode (Not in a mean way, but in a somewhat endearing way) is definitely a testament to Freeza's crush.

- "I dressed as your father so I could lure you into here and have you all to myself in the dark." "So you admit it!" Need I say more.

- "What do you do in your free time?" Cell was actually attempting to try and get to know Freeza😍

- Cell tried to understand why Freeza is so damn bitter about being dead. "Why do you even bother now?!"

- Freeza's tone changed when he said, "You really think you're going to get out of here?" It felt like a wall was coming down between the two of them.

- Seeing them both finally have a decent conversation and ask each other, "Do really believe that you can do good and go to heaven?" Is really refreshing, they should talk more like this in the future.

- Cell being able to pick up on Freeza's daddy's issues within 2 episodes.

- "Goodnight, Lord Freeza." Cell has never once called him Lord Freeza until this moment??

- Even though Cell ended the argument, Freeza is obviously unsatisfied and wanted to argue more.🤡

- Their sleeping positions before they go to sleep and right when they wake up is a DEAD giveaway.

- FREEZA WRAPPING HIS TAIL AROUND CELL DURING THE NIGHT??

- Also in ep 8, Freeza was having trouble sleeping ALONE in his bed, because he couldn't stop thinking about Cell, but he's able to sleep without discomfort on the hard concrete floor with Guru's annoying snoring in the background, but he's cuddling CELL that's the only main difference. There's no WAY this is a coincidence.

- In ep 10, Cell has a problem with Bojack being in his "personal bubble" but he sure didn't mind Freeza's tail wrapped around both of his legs in the previous ep.👀

- Freeza's neck roll when he says, "The basic bitch holiday." This man is FRUITY.

- Cell's line, "Top me, Zarbon." He knew what he was doing idc.

- Cooler's expression when he saw Freeza looking after Cell when he went to pee👀 he KNOWS.

- Their miscommunication when they think they're both talking about Cooler and Bojack never gets old.

- Cell mistakes Cooler for Freeza's ex, and Freeza doesn't say anything like, "I don't even swing that way!" He just simply corrects Cell and says, "My brother!" TFS is planting seeds I'm dead serious.

- "So he seems to hate everyone, what's his deal?" "Don't act like you care!" Oh really Freeza? Don't act like you're JEALOUS.

- In Ep 11, when Raditz bumps into Cell and Cell says, “Why, is me being here a problem?” He strikes the FRUITIEST pose I’ve ever seen, and his tone indicates more.

- When Cell comments on Lord Slug working out, he says that he has a big… chin, I think we all thought he was alluding to something else.

- When Cell and Raditz overhear King Cold being hard on Cooler, Cell says he’s close to understanding how Freeza feels, which I’m hoping will lead to some sort of conversation and understanding between them. We’re this close to them at least being cordial I swear, Enemies to Friends to Lovers is seeming more and more evident with each episode😩

- And finally, Cold flirting with Cell, wrong family member, but I’ll take it, I’ll also take it as Cell being gay, because I’m sorry, I do NOT see him with any woman and it’s obvious that he’s not straight.

That's all! For now..

[deathsbestgirl]

My jet lagged braincell is reaching for something irresistible/redux ii linked. Probably my two favourite episodes. Do you see it?

i think i have thoughts!!

as i'm rewatching irresistible, i keep thinking of elegy and the way scully tries to handle everything on her own, the visions she has (seeing herself in the dead women, seeing the dead woman before they get the call). which obviously also reminds me of christmas carol/emily, all souls & orison. christmas carol/emily scully is getting phone calls from melissa and only calls mulder once she learns emily is biological daughter. in the end, she asks mulder for time alone with emily and she stands alone at her casket, with mulder waiting behind her. in all souls, she's working a case as a favor and initially only asks him for help finding the girls in danger. he stays on when he becomes worried about her. and the whole time, she's seeing emily. it starts & ends with scully at confession. and in orison, she's hearing that song. which she heard when her sunday school teacher was murdered, and it's that song that gets mulder to her apartment in time. scully leaned on mulder more in orison than she did in the others. in irresistible, she's trying very hard to be okay with the case. she peppers mulder with questions but handles her emotions about it on her own, as mulder tries to tell her it's okay to have a hard time. he lets her know he's there and she can take a step back, and she goes back to d.c. and meets with karen kosseff, afterwards ready to come back and help people. but in the end, it's her that needs help, she fights hard against donnie pfaster, and in the end she falls into mulder's arms. the consistency of mulder trying to support her and respect her boundaries, worrying when she believes or sees signs is consistent throughout the series. and every time, she lets him to an extent and he gives whatever she accepts. it also reminds me of patient x/the red and the black, maybe one father/two sons but that one is more of a struggle for them and yet, she still calls him when jeffrey spender calls her about cassandra.

i think these are the maybe more obvious connections my mind makes. like they are consistent thoughts i have whenever i watch these episodes, and i'm sure i've talked about it some before.

as i'm watching irresistible, what i think of in reduxes is how mulder tries to be strong for scully & support her. mulder lifts her chin and hugs her at the end, in reduxes, he's holding her hands, kissing her hands cheek forehead. when she turns to her faith, he accepts that. she tells him 'i'll be praying for you' and he jokes 'say a few hail mulder's for me' but so sincerely. i love that when they think she's about to die, her faith is not an issue at all. they'll struggle with it when it comes up a bit longer, but to me, this helps him get to where he is in season seven (all things) and the revival (nothing lasts forever)...and when they eventually work out a lot of their issues through season six lol

there's a very particular vulnerability in all of these episodes, things scully shouldn't handle alone. but because of who she is, she tries. so she goes to therapy, she denies, she closes up but can't hide how she's feeling. especially not from mulder, so she slowly lets him in more & more. even as they struggle, this stays consistent. they're still taking steps forward. she trusts mulder and relies on him, his strength. she relies on the work. (she's a workaholic just like him, especially when it becomes personal and not "just" because she believes in him.)

there's something specific in mulder's tenderness with scully when she's hurting, feeling more vulnerable.

i also keep thinking about 'because i knew you'd talk me out of it if i was making a mistake.' the way they rely on each other, him saying she could change his mind if it was right. she wants him to blame her for the man killed but he won't, and he won't name skinner as the responsible conspirator either.

something about the grace she shows everyone in these horrible situations (mulder, bill, maggie, the victims).

okay. so now i'm watching gethsemane/reduxes and i feel like my brain is on fire!! i'm still not connecting it to irresistible, so i think you need to share your thoughts!

but my mind is connecting it to pine bluff variant and fight the future. the start of redux, where mulder is talking about treason — how he can't let it persist directly connected to scully's confusion & worry in pbv. because mulder would not commit treason.

something about his voice when he tells her the dod agent died from a gsw to the face, that he can't go to the fbi, that someone in the fbi is part of it...reminds me of e.b.e. they create this whole plot to get answers. scully has to lie. they can't communicate this time. the worry & pain & grief (also at the end of gethsemane) is so reminiscent of her abduction, a uselessness & inadequacy that consumes him. but this time they can do something. (similar feeling to the red and the black, when if he could give scully her memories & prove it to her, he would. his determination to stop it from happening to her or anyone else again.)

mulder is always so careful with scully. scully believing her cancer was given to her to make him believe, because of him...he never wants her to be hurt and yet he can't protect her. all of this turns into saving her. (directly to the revival even where he has to be the rational one, support her through her grief & hope.)

redux ii: the thing that makes me crazy is mulder getting to the hospital, making a scene so similar to one breath. (obviously this is my first thought!) he's not as violent until skinner tries to stop him going in to see her. and my god, mulder's face when he sees her lying there. it's almost worse than later in the episode when he sobs silently next to her. it's the way that in one breath, he has no idea what's wrong with her. here he does but he still doesn't know why she's in the icu. he doesn't know that her cancer metastasized.

there's something about the way mulder is fighting so hard for scully that reminds me of lazarus & one breath & irresistible. withdrawn, worried, angry. at a complete loss without her but he does everything he can. lies to the government, breaks into the dod? the pentagon. the affection is next level compared to those. it's the same gentleness & support, but there's hand holding & kisses & caresses. she begs him to let her help him, save him. to not protect her. like scully telling him she was fine all through irresistible (telling him she's back & not going anywhere in firewalker) but she can't tell him that this time. all she can do is beg him not to protect her, to let her give her death meaning, but that wouldn't be something he could live with. tarnishing her name, hurting her family on top of losing her. something here about beyond the sea too. the first time mulder uses her first name, touches her cheek in comfort. gets angry at her for endangering herself. the second time she's shown him inclination to believe, and it scares him this time. because she's vulnerable. the start of physical affection beyond touching her lower back, the hug in the pilot. in season one, tooms, he goes on about her record. later in requiem, he'll talk about family & living and everything she's lost. leaving her behind while he goes back to oregon. (i used to wonder how he convinced her to stay, but i think she couldn't take the risk of leaving him behind again.)

this is worse than colony/end game with samantha. the cruelty. before it was clones, trying to fight their creators and save themselves, hopefully others. ultimately willing to die to protect the original samantha clone. this time, his sister is calling csm her father. and he's trying to expose csm's lies and she flees. dangling his sister this way, with another painful story. "please don't, fox!" fucking CRUEL.

mulder saves scully but he's bearing even more scars from this. this is another reason i don't know if he could have kept going without scully. samantha rejecting him...mulder's vulnerability to csm is almost too much. he could so easily fall for it, like he does with diana in one son. but everything csm tries, only makes him more obstinate. csm has given him nothing and taken everything. mulder is so close to losing the only person he has. the only person he trusts, the only person who trusts him, follows him, loves him.

"maybe they are miracles, but i don't dare call them that." scully's faith is something so special. she's been struggling with it, and turns back to it when she has nothing else. when she has no idea of the chip or treatment will work. and she's talking to her doctor about medicine & miracles. to scully, ultimately, they are the same.

something else that does remind me of irresistible is how hard scully fights too. she tries the chip, she accepts her doctor's treatment, she opens up to her mom and tries to return to her faith. she does everything she can (she always does). scully tries so hard to put up a strong front for mulder, for her family all throughout the series. and like she did in irresistible, it falls away when she just can't do it anymore. she fought donnie pfaster, she got her gun despite her injuries from the crash & falling down the stairs. she crumbles when mulder lifts her chin to look her in the eyes. she crumbles when she feels a miracle is all she has left and she can't turn to mulder in the moment. but she can turn to maggie & religion. she only turns to others when she has no other choice. and ultimately, i think we know it's the chip that saves her. she chose to listen to mulder and tells him "you'll be in my prayers."

i wish i could figure out why exactly "because i knew you'd talk me out of it if i was making a mistake" hits so hard. it's like a preface to fight the future hallway scene.

something about the way mulder doesn't care what happens to him and scully can't do anything and what's more important than his own life is holding someone responsible for what was done to her, without her knowledge or consent and now she's dying. and he gets at least one of them, even if he wasn't at the top. blevins & csm dead. scully in remission and alive. mulder not being prosecuted. this is one of the best endings mulder & scully have. (skinner having not betrayed them and not getting wrongly accused.)

okay i can't keep ruminating on this. please share your thoughts !!!

[twochildreninamoteldemo]

Hi Maven!! Same q to everyone this week: what are your top 3 wincest episodes, and why?

ok im gonna cheat and do this in 2 ways hehe

a) top 3 sam/dean episodes

3. A Very Supernatural Christmas: has the samulet (their engagement ring, obviously!), you can palpably feel the isolation, the neglect, it's very two-children-in-a-motel-esque. and of course, the final scene, where i think, if there was any point in the series aside from the barn scene in which they would have said "i love you," it would have been there. the deep long stare, the watery eyes, the fact that they both know dean will be gone within the year, and then... "do you feel like watching the game?" ahhhhhhh drives me nuts

2. Swan Song: their love literally!!!!! saves the world, i mean come on. it has the whole wincest montage that you could literally set a richard siken poem to, or a taylor swift song to (look i know those are vastly different things but. bear with me), and it would just feel right. dean finally lets sam do things on his own. he lives because sam tells him to. sam manages to revoke his possession consent because of how much he's in love with dean, even as his fist is smashing dean's face into a pulp. ok i have to stop or i'm going to start crying in this goddamn airport.

Playthings: obviously. gothic horror episode of all time. picture-perfect family in the outside, secret sibling hidden upstairs. the way sam and dean's codependency is paired with that of the grandmother and her ghostly sister. the face-stroking. the almost kiss. god i swear it always looks like they're gonna kiss. sam writhing on the bed. dean staring at him like that. the subtext was about to bust through the screen, what with the acting and the way the plot and the meta-plot fit together perfectly. catherine tosenberger said it much better than i can, go read her article in TWC about wincest if you haven't!

b) top 3 family-horror-what-the-incestuous-freudian-fuck-is-going-on-here episodes

2. Devil's Trap: azazel uses john's body in a sexual manner against both sam and dean--primarily the latter but sam gets it, too. it's a chilling scene and really cements that this is what spn is about: never being able to escape the family. sam learns partly of azazel's plot, dean gets his daddy issues flayed onto him, and all through the eyes of the father. it's so well done.

3. Skin: imo the most damning thing the shifter says is, "i will be sorry to lose this skin. your brother's got a lot of great qualities. you should appreciate him more than you do." uh...what? the way he ties up sam and plans on torturing him also aligns with the shifter's pattern of turning into the husband and beating up the wife. another HMM moment actually comes from dean himself, when he tells sam that none of his friends will ever understand him and that dean's the only one who can...it's very isolating, kind of abuser tactics, and just. whew. this was episode SIX!!

In the Beginning: come on you knew i was gonna say this. aside from the obvious moments of "mom is a babe" (and remember, dean invokes sam into this moment as well..."sammy, wherever you are..."), samuel!azazel leaning over dean and smelling him, and samuel!azazel kissing mary--passionately returned(?), may i add, the plot itself sets up the winchester family as this enclosed, inbred unit. mary's kiss with her possessed father seal's sam's fate as part of azazel's army. the sexuality she shares with her father makes her son's blood diseased and cursed. the family line is tainted by incest. her kiss is what allows sam and dean to grow up that way, to become so codependent, what allows the moments of avsc, swan song, and playthings to happen! in the beginning. this begins the cycle of selling and saving souls--mary for john, john for dean, dean for sam. it's literally THEE spn episode, perhaps even more than playthings. even though sam's barely in it, his fate hangs over the whole episode, and this is full house of wincest at its finest.

[o-uncle-newt]

Cabin Pressure Advent Day 13: Molokai

(Or shall I say, for some reason, Moloquai?)

It's always fun to listen to a holiday episode during the holidays! By which I mean Chanukah, of course (I listened to Molokai on an hour-plus car trip between two Chanukah parties). Now, as someone who is not a Christmas person I always judge a Christmas episode by how well I'm able to enjoy it despite not being a Christmas person. For the record, most episodes pass pretty easily. But Molokai is an interesting one, because it passes despite being very, very, very Christmassy.

Why does it pass? Well, first of all, it helps that it's on a British show, which means that some stuff I genuinely can't tell whether it's a Christmas thing I don't know about or a British thing I don't know about (what the hell is a sugar mouse?), and the latter is something I basically have to be okay with to listen to the rest of Cabin Pressure to begin with (I'm still not sure what a Wimpy is over a decade after first listening to this episode, after all). So it's just kind of immersing in another culture, except it's really two cultures, English culture and Christmas culture (as, of course, epitomized by The Auspicious Pig and Whistle of Tokyo).

The second (and bear with me, it gets a bit involved) is that it might be very specifically about Christmas, but it's also just about happiness, community, and, best of all for me, ritual and the way that that can make holidays even better. To a certain extent, that's something that I know is subjective- I grew up in a religious culture which values religious and holiday ritual very strongly, and so that's something that I'll always find to be meaningful, even if sometimes that comes from creating your own meaning or emphasizing the parts that mean most for you. But at the same time- lots of the "ritual" that I prize on various holidays isn't religious at all, but just the product of family tradition in ways that bring us all together. Particularly as an adult, I've found that holidays make only as much of an impact as you WANT them to- and including ritual makes that impact stronger, because it forces you to DO something that separates this day from other days, and that, incidentally, keeps you busy and absorbed.

It's why I found Martin's disliking Christmas in this episode, only to get really into it when it comes to creating the rituals of Christmas for Arthur, so interesting. I don't recall any real REASON being given for Martin disliking Christmas- it could be an affectation along the lines of Arthur's attempt at sounding grown-up by calling Christmas over-commercialized, but it sounds more like, as an adult living in shitty circumstances (we don't really KNOW what kind of shitty circumstances yet because we haven't heard Qikiqtarjuaq yet, but still) who isn't super close with his family and for whom any Christmas he has, he'll have to make for himself, he doesn't have much reason to like it! What, indeed, WOULD make Christmas different than a typical day for him? But as soon as he's given a reason to cling to the trappings and rituals of Christmas, he gets into it, and I really do love that.

Now of course, Arthur is really the poster child for the whole above concept. But- I was going to say that that's almost too obvious, but that's not really it. It's that Arthur is the one who does this ALL THE TIME. We know already that he's the heart of this show, and what it seems to really come down to is that a large part of that is creating a life around rituals or practices that bring joy. On the most basic level we have that list of events and holidays that he likes, all of which are defined by ritual in some way (I admit to not knowing much about Lent). But I think it goes beyond that- first of all, he CREATES ritual: while it's unclear who exactly invented the name Birling Day, he's the first one to use it in Edinburgh and he's the one who creates a "Happy Birling Day" song in Paris. Even more than that, though, we know his life philosophy from Fitton- create meaning and happiness from things that you DO (sinking into a bath at just the right temperature) rather than from things that happen to you (happening to be in the moonlight with the love of your life). In so many ways, that's what ritual is- rather than treating a time of year or a life cycle event as a thing that happens to you, you create your own meaning through your own actions. You're active and in control of your own joy.

So anyway, all this to say, Molokai continues the Arthurian tradition of Cabin Pressure which is that we have power over our joy by creating and expressing it, and just so happens to apply it to Christmas as a specific example. Gah. I have no idea if that makes sense written out- it does in my head.

And I've barely gotten to the actual episode!

One thing I'd forgotten til I turned it on- Molokai is the first post-Sherlock episode to be recorded. I'd heard a lot from people that the laughter gets louder as a result, which leads to the show seeming funnier as you laugh with the audience. I was skeptical- and I was SORT OF wrong. I do think that the show gets funnier in no small part because JF becomes a better and better writer, but at the same time... the laughter DEFINITELY gets louder. Oh my gosh. I'm not sure how I'd never noticed it. Like, it's loud in Limerick, but this is another level. And what's nice is you can kind of hear the actors feeding off the crowd energy, which is yet a third reason why S3-4 might seem even better.

(On that note, I don't know how much JF pre-planned his rendition of Get Dressed, but it is note perfect. It would have just been normal-funny if he'd sung it, but the Chri-i-i-i-i-stmas/Chri-hi-hi-hi-hi-hi-histmas Days took it up another level. Kudos to him- and his "you'd better not pout, you'd better not cry" is just as great. Incidentally, as a non-Christmas celebrator I didn't get that joke until way later, but his performance is so funny that honestly it didn't matter.)

Of the two plot lines (each with its own set of Chekhov's Guns) in this episode, I vastly preferred the Secret Santa plot. Not that there's anything wrong with the Mr Alyakhin plot- but the resolution, however clever, is just a LITTLE bit too unlikely and over the top. Which, again, sounds weird to say about Cabin Pressure, a show where in a few episodes they'll be dragging a piano to a pub in Devon, but I do still believe that it's all about proportionality- a crazy antagonist justifies a crazy resolution, and this resolution was just a trifle too crazy for the antagonist (and relies a little too much on him missing some major red flags). But it genuinely doesn't matter, because it's still hilarious and sweet, and ends on just the right outrageous note- in particular, the note in Roger Allam's voice (playing to the audience beautifully) as, after an almost-too-long pause, he says "mulled it." Just beautiful- all of the setup and the pitch-perfect payoff.

There's probably other stuff, but please excuse me, I have some latkes to eat. Tomorrow, we're off to Newcastle, one that I haven't listened to in AGES- and I'm dying to know what I'll think!

[thetargaryenbride]

Nail To The Coffin - S3 - Chapter 3

Warnings: none

Pairing: Steve Harrington x f!Byers!Reader

Word Count: 6469

A.N: Hello, dearest readers. This chapter is a bit different than the rest because there is no Y/N. Instead, we'll be focusing on Eddie and the others going on a goose chase. From this chapter on, Eddie plays a big role and you'll see him much more. I hope that's compensation for his absence in the season 2 plotline haha Also, I've tweaked the canon a bit regarding Eddie's knowledge and you'll find out what I mean soon enough. As always, please do make me know if I’ve written certain characters OOC and if you think there is something that can be corrected within the story. Thank you for reading. Hope you like it! 🖤 🥀

Masterlist || Chapter 2 || Chapter 4

Early Next Morning

“Harrington!” yelled Eddie as he pushed his way through the group of kids to get to the counter, eliciting all kinds of looks and reactions.

“Hey! There’s a line, you stinky jerk!” snapped Erika and he whirled to send her a nasty look before focusing back on Robin who was looking weirdly at him.

“Where’s Harrington?” he asked urgently and she shrugged.

“Somewhere in the mall,” she answered. “Why are you looking for-“

Before she could finish the sentence, Eddie was already sprinting away, leaving her and the group of kids confused as they looked after his retreating form.

He darted from one place to another, checking every store, every restroom, the escalators, and the benches, but he couldn’t find Steve anywhere, and his nerves were pulled as tight as guitar strings on the verge of snapping.

And then they did snap.

“Steve Harrington!” he cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted at the top of his lungs, making people around him cease what they were doing and look at him oddly. He heaved as he lifted a hand apologetically.

“Jesus, what is wrong with you?” sounded Steve’s voice from behind him and he turned to see the boy he had been desperately searching for since stepping into the mall come from behind a big potted plant.

The people had resumed whatever they were doing prior to Eddie’s unhinged episode and he had to make his way through the crowd, with everyone throwing him looks to which he could only respond with a tight awkward smile, as he bypassed them while marching over to Steve.

“We need to talk,” grit out the boy as he grabbed Steve by the arm and began dragging him away.

“Hey, wait for me!” called Dustin as he followed them and Eddie turned to look at him and then back at Steve.

“Who was this kid again?”

“Uh, don’t you remember? It’s Henderson. He’s a friend of mine and Y/N’s,” reminded him Steve as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and Eddie let out an ‘aha’ as his mind went back to before Christmas when you had hosted that gathering and he had gotten to meet your friends.

Fortunately or unfortunately, Eddie hadn’t gotten the chance to hang out with the middle-schoolers after that because he had been busy with his own things but he did remember Dustin and how they had talked about Dungeons and Dragons. He thought that maybe he could recruit him into Hellfire Club once the kid gets to high school.

“Yes! So whatever you have to say to him, you’re saying it to me too,” added the boy and Eddie had to physically slap his cheeks to get off this train of thought and get back on the main topic at hand which elicited weird looks from Dustin and Steve.

“Alright. Alright, fine,” he let out a sharp exhale, nodding in agreement.

“Is it-is it something important? Is it about Y/N?” asked Steve quietly and Eddie hummed.

“Mmhm.”

Steve gulped before wriggling himself out of Eddie’s grasp and taking the lead. “Then follow me back to Scoops Ahoy. We can talk there.”

The trio walked briskly towards the ice cream parlor and ignored the questioning looks Robin threw them as they walked past her and into the staff room at the back.

“What is it? What’s wrong with Y/N?” stammered out Steve nervously and Eddie rubbed his face.

“I think she, uh,” cleared his throat the boy as he looked between Dustin and Steve a couple of times, evidently contemplating on whether he should speak his mind or not. “I think she went to…my drug dealer’s house,” he stuttered, “and stole all of his stash,” he blurted out and Steve and Dustin’s eyes widened in shock.

“What?”

“D-drugs!” stammered Dustin as he looked at Eddie in disbelief. “Holy-“

“He called me yesterday evening and told me someone broke into his house. They didn’t steal any money. Just the drugs,” explained Eddie. “Mind you, there are some people who know about him but none of them have disappeared mysteriously a-and Y/N hasn’t shown up since the other night, right?”

“Yeah, but that’s weird,” said Steve as he put his hands on his hips and Eddie lifted a quizzical brow. “I went to her house yesterday morning and yes, she was still gone and I was mad worried but Mrs. Byers said that apparently she got a call from a friend the night before and went to help them. It was an emergency, she said. So how could she be the one to have broken into your dealer’s house and stolen his stash?”

“I don’t know, Steve, maybe that was just an excuse,” offered Eddie and Steve glared at him.

“Okay, hold on for a moment there Munson, are you kidding me right now? Do you seriously believe that Y/N, our Y/N, is someone who would break into a person’s house and steal from them? Much less drugs!?” Steve exclaimed scandalously.

“I’m just trying to see things from all sides, alright!?” snapped the boy as he lifted his hands in surrender and the other sighed in exasperation. Dustin looked between the teens, still in utter bewilderment, as he tried to process the whole situation – particularly the drug part. “And you didn’t think to go check again after work yesterday, Steve?” asked Eddie with an accusatory tone and Steve looked at him in distress.

“First of all, Mrs. Byers promised to call me if Y/N came back home so I decided to come back to work. Second of all,” he gesticulated with one hand. “She didn’t call me for the rest of the day and of course, I got worried and went to the Byers after work! But Y/N was still not there. I spoke to Mrs. Byers, to Jonathan, to Will. We’re all concerned, ok? We decided to go look for her if she doesn’t appear today. Why-why are you blaming this on me!?” bit out the boy as he pointed to himself. “Where were you yesterday evening, huh? Why didn’t you come tell me about this immediately after you got the call?”

“Because I was this close to becoming dead meat!” barked out Eddie. “I had to go to Rick and convince him I had nothing to do with the stolen drugs. Do you’ve any idea how long it took me to deal with this jackass?”

“Alright, you two, calm down! Jesus!” exclaimed Dustin while he extended his arms towards the two older boys as if he was trying to placate two aggressive animals. “I have a plan,” he said and the two looked down at him. “Why don’t you, and I mean Eddie,” he turned to look and point at the boy in question, “go to the Byers and check if Y/N hasn’t returned by any chance? Did it occur to you that maybe you’re just overreacting and jumping to stupid conclusions and maybe she just had to do something important and simply forgot to call you? Shit like that happens, okay?” he shrugged and gesticulated, scrunching up his face, as if stating the most obvious thing. “Calm the f down! Go look for her and call us here,” suggested the boy and Steve whirled to fully face him.

“No way! I’m not staying here. I’m going with him!”

“Steve, you have to help us with the Russians! You can’t just bail!” he yelled in disbelief and Eddie’s eyebrows shot to his hairline.

“Russians?”  

“Dude, Y/N is my girlfriend!” snapped Steve. “I’m not gonna stay here while he goes out there to look for her!”

“Hold on, care to tell me what Russians are you guys talking about?” asked Eddie in utter confusion and Dustin let out a sigh.

“We intercepted a secret, coded Russian communication, and now we’re trying to crack said code because we believe they are right here and are planning to do who knows what that will definitely, potentially harm everyone in Hawkins, and who knows, maybe in the whole damn country! So maybe, just maybe, you can go out there, find Y/N, bring her in here, so we can all go stop the evil commies!“ Dustin hit one hand against the other aggressively as he shouted the last words and the two teens could only look at him, frozen on their spots with Steve shaking his head lightly, face distorting into one of displeasure at the way Dustin had revealed everything.

Eddie was the first who snapped out of the stupor as he turned to face Steve. “Care to tell me just what the hell-“

“It’s all true, dude. Yeah, I know it’s hard to believe but, here we are,” exhaled heavily the boy as he threw his arm in the air before dropping it down in defeat.

“Okay, this is officially the strangest summer I’ve ever had in my life,” Eddie’s hand went down his face, rubbing his chin as he took a minute to think everything through and let it all sink in and process in his brain.

“Tell me about it,” muttered Steve as he looked at the tiled floor, hands on hips.

The three spent some time dwelling in silence and thinking before Eddie grabbed Steve by the arm and pulled him forward. “Come with me,” he said, now a bit more calmly, and began dragging the boy a bit further away from Dustin. “Look, stay with the kid, ok? You know better than anyone what’s going on here and… you’re good with that kinda hero stuff. I’ll just…I’ll just freak out and run away, okay? I’m not good at all that,” admitted the boy ashamedly and Steve looked at him with sympathy. “Besides, he doesn’t know me that well and… now he knows I deal with drugs. He’s not gonna trust me. But you two seem close. You can’t leave him all alone.”

“But Y/N-“

“I’ll go to the Byers. I’ll go check if she’s there and I’ll call you, ok?” he placed a hand on Steve’s shoulder and squeezed. “Maybe Dustin is right and we’re just overreacting and jumping to conclusions. Let’s not panic… Trust me.”

The boy didn’t look convinced at all, his eyes darting between Eddie’s and the wall before he finally nodded.

“Alright…I trust you.”

As much as it pained him and as much as he wanted to bolt out of the mall and go look for you, Eddie and Dustin had a point. So he chose to put his trust in the boy.

But he silently made a promise that if you were indeed missing, he’d abandon everything he was doing to help you because you mattered to him more than any country or person in the world did.  

A bit after Eddie leaves

“Hey, kid,” called out Robin and Dustin turned to look at her, taking a few steps closer. “What’s wrong with dingus over there?” she asked as she nodded in Steve’s direction who was sitting at one of the tables, leg bouncing nervously, fingers drumming against the wooden surface while the binoculars were abandoned on the table, away from him.

“He’s just worried about Y/N.”

“Why? Did something happen to her?” she furrowed her brows in concern and Dustin shrugged.

“We honestly have no idea. She stood Steve up the other night and hasn’t appeared since. I mean it’s been a day and a half so I get why he and Eddie are freaking out.”

“Jesus, you guys really think you’re the center of the world, don’t you?” she rolled her eyes and Steve looked at her over his shoulder, scrunching up his face in a “seriously?” manner and she lifted a brow at that. “You do realize that the world does not revolve around men, as much as you want it to, right? She may have wanted to spend some alone time, do some self-care, away from everyone.”

“No, I understand if she wants to do that but she’d tell her close people first,” said Steve as he stood up and approached the two. “After everything that her family went through with Will vanishing and the attacks, she always tells her mom if she’d be going somewhere for a longer period of time. Otherwise, there’s chaos, I’m telling you,” sighed the boy as he put a hand on his hip while the other ran through his hair, and Robin folded her lips, not knowing what to say to this.

“You know what, I’m going after Eddie,” Steve said suddenly before heading for the staff backroom to change out of his uniform and Robin and Dustin shared an incredulous look before following the boy.

“You can’t just abandon us like that!” exclaimed Dustin and Robin crossed her arms.

“You’re the one who started this whole investigation. You can’t back out and leave all the work to us two,” she reprimanded him and he furrowed his eyebrows.

“Well I’m sorry to break it to you but if you haven’t understood yet, Y/N is most probably missing and I’m not sitting here while Munson is out there looking for her alone. I don’t care about the Russians or whatever plans they may have! Okay!? All I care about right now is that my girlfriend is somewhere out there, missing, and I’m sitting here playing spy when I should be looking for her! Do you understand?” he yelled which silenced the two and sent them into a stupor as they stared at the boy who was breathing heavily, eyes filled with mad panic, face twisted in a sorrowful expression as stress oozed off him in waves.

They have never seen him in such a distressed state. He lifted a hand, tightening his lips, before dropping it back down in defeat as he looked at the two in utter despair and shame. Shame because he should have gone to look for you much earlier. “I should have gone out there immediately after-“

The ringing of a phone cut him off mid-sentence and Steve darted towards it like a lightning bolt, yanking the device and putting it to his ear.

“Eddie, what did you-”

“Steve?”

“…Y/N?”

Eddie was pissed and worried beyond belief.

He had gone to your house but not only did he not find you, he did not find anyone. It was empty and your whole family was nowhere to be found. He had gone to a phone booth immediately after and had called Scoops Ahoy but nobody had picked up.

“Damn it!” he slammed the phone shut as he ran his hands through his hair and let out a sharp sigh of frustration before rushing back into his van and driving away.

He checked every friend’s house he could think of.

He went to Tina’s, to Lorelei’s, to Margot’s, he visited each cheerleader’s house in search of you, and he even went to check the homes of his own friends – Gareth and Jeff – but there was no sign of you. It’s like you got swallowed by quicksand.

He grumbled under his breath as he parked at the last house he could think of – the Hargroves.

Now, he wasn’t sure if he could call you and Billy the best of friends. But he had seen you hang out at school and at the diner you worked at, and he had seen the way you put effort into communicating with the boy. He had seen you hang out with Billy’s sister on many occasions so the siblings were the last idea of connection to you he could think of.

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, however, when he saw two girls walking to the front door, one of which he recognized as Billy’s sister. He quickly got out of the van and yelled at them to wait up, making them stop in their tracks and turn to see who was calling them. He ran to them and greeted them awkwardly.

“Uh, hey there. My name’s-“

“Eddie?” Max’s face lit up with recognition. “You are… one of Y/N’s best friends,” she snapped her fingers and the other girl let out a prolonged, quiet ‘Oh’.

“Yes, that’s right! And you are…Max,” he pointed and she nodded, making him look at the other girl. “And you?”

“Uhm, El. My name’s El,” she smiled.

“Nice to meet you! Um, I have a question that’s probably gonna sound like, super weird, but,” he drawled. “Have you seen Y/N, by any chance?”

“Y/N? I haven’t seen her since the other day when we went to see Dustin,” said Max with furrowed eyebrows as she and Eleven shared a look of confusion.

“Why are you looking for her?”

“Because no one has seen her since the other day. Not me, not Steve, not even her family,” he finally revealed and the two girls frowned in concern, eyes widening.

“You don’t think he-“ gasped Max quietly as she snapped to look at El, her heartbeat increasing rapidly.

“But what if he did,” the girls talked hushed amongst themselves and Eddie tightened his lips before snapping his fingers.

“Hey! Care to share with the class?” he asked as he crossed his arms.

“Hold on!” exclaimed Eleven before taking Max by the hand and dragging her away, leaving the boy to sink in confusion, patience wearing thin as he began pacing in front of the entrance of the house, untangling one arm and propping it on top of the other so his fingers could take a strand of hair and play with it nervously as anxiety gnawed on him.

“What do we do?” asked Max quietly and El gulped. “Should we tell him to leave? That we know nothing?”

“Maybe we should tell him about Billy.”

“Tell him what exactly? That we somehow suspect Billy might have done something to this girl and Y/N?” whisper-shouted the redhead.

“This is not a coincidence, Max. Maybe Billy really did hurt this girl and Y/N. Maybe Eddie can help. We need help,” stated Eleven worriedly and Max sighed, rubbing her forehead in frustration and worry.

“Well, I… guess we can…trust him. He’s one of Y/N’s best friends. And he’s older so…maybe he can be of use,” she admitted after a minute of contemplating and El nodded.  

“Yes.”

“But what do we say? How do we explain our suspicions? We can’t tell him we found out because of your powers,” scowled Max.

“We’ll just say,” drawled El. “That Billy was acting weird, then he disappeared, and then the girls went missing right after, so we suspect him.”

“Ok…ok, sounds like a plan,” nodded Max in agreement but deep inside she felt a horrible, unsettling feeling suffocate her. Her gut twisted and cramped as if someone continuously delivered punches to it.

It didn’t sit well with her that she and Eleven were suspecting Billy of something so horrible. He was a jerk, yes, but he wasn’t a kidnapper and a murderer.

On the contrary, he was beginning to change and it was visible. If she had to be honest, she really appreciated his efforts and she was beginning to fill with hope for the future – that maybe he could really become a better person and that the two of them could build a good brother-sister relationship.

She didn‘t want to believe in what El had seen last night. She refused to believe that Billy has reverted into something so low and horrible. She really wanted to convince herself that it was just some misunderstanding. But even she had to admit that there was something off to the whole story because Billy did sort of disappear. She hadn’t seen him at all in the past two days. Then Eleven had seen him standing above a wailing girl, and just now they found out that you had disappeared out of the blue two days ago.

It was too strange to be just a coincidence.

So at least for now, she decided to believe in Eleven and choose to put her brother as the main suspect even if it pained her to do so.

“We need to tell you something,” let out Eleven unsurely, interrupting Eddie’s pacing and getting his full attention.

“So, the great council did decide to fill me in,” he joked a bit, hoping to diffuse the tension and the two girls shared a look before leading him inside the house and telling him about their suspicions.

“Look, Mayfield, if your brother really ends up having something to do with the disappearance of Y/N and this other girl, I’m gonna enjoy watching Harrington beat his ass, ok? I might even join and lend him a hand,” commented Eddie offhandedly as Max opened the door of Billy’s room.

“Yeah, and I won’t stop you,” she muttered as she and the others entered the room and looked around. “Why do I get the feeling we’re gonna find all kinds of wrong in here?”

“Well, at least he has good taste in music,” Eddie let out a breathy chuckle as his eyes shot to the stereo which was playing metal, nodding impressed.

“Ugh! Gag me with a spoon!” exclaimed Max in disgust after opening a drawer filled with adult magazines and Eddie strolled to look over her shoulder, eyebrows shooting to his hairline as a smirk grew on his face. It faltered when Max’s disgusted, unimpressed look shifted onto him and he cleared his throat, moving away awkwardly.

Everyone moved to the bathroom then, taking notice of all the packs of ice in the bathtub after El had pulled the curtain.

“Max?”

“Ice. It’s just ice,” she said as she grabbed and lifted one of the floating, empty packages. “Probably for his muscles or something. He works out like a maniac.”

“Does he get hurt often?” inquired Eddie which drew the girls’ attention and they looked around to see him pointing at the cabinet under the sink which had blood smeared on it.

Eddie didn’t hesitate to yank open the cabinet and rummage through it, taking out the bin and slamming it on the counter, aggressively pulling out a couple of scrunched-up papers, a bloodied lifeguard whistle, and a fanny bag.

Eleven and Max’s blood ran cold.

Eddie left the objects on the counter and returned to Billy’s room, breathing heavily through his nose as he tried to contain his anger and growing worry while opening all kinds of drawers, cabinets, and doors to look for any other evidence. While he was rummaging through one of the bedside cabinets, he noticed a pair of jeans thrown haphazardly on the bed, with something in them that was shining on the light. He lifted the piece of clothing and inspected it, at first thinking the glint he saw was just the metal buttons and zipper but then he noticed that something was dangling from the pocket.

“What’s this?” he asked and Max furrowed her brows.

“His jeans?”

“No…this?” he clarified when he pulled out the glinting object and dangled it in front of the girls, their eyes widening. “Look familiar?” he asked but the question was rhetorical, leaving the girls to simmer in speechless silence and disbelief.

Because it was your necklace.

“I’m gonna kill him!” snapped Eddie as he threw the jeans away and bolted towards the door, clutching the necklace tightly in his fist as hot rage built up inside him.

“No! Wait! Eddie, wait!” yelled Max as she blocked his way and put her hands against his chest in an attempt at stopping him from going further. “Let’s be rational! We can’t jump to conclusions!”

“Rational? Conclusions!? What are you, blind? What more evidence do you need?” he bit out as he grabbed her by the arm. “I’m going to find the son of a bitch and I’m gonna bust his face.”

“Eddie!”

And suddenly, he couldn’t move. He tried his best to pull all his muscles and take a step but it felt like an invisible power was keeping him in place. He was barely able to shift his head, eyes widening when they landed on Eleven who was looking at him with panic in her eyes and a bleeding nose.

“What the hell?”

Eddie had fallen into a state of complete and utter shock when the girls had to begrudgingly tell him all about Eleven’s powers, Hawkins Lab, The Upside Down, and everything that had happened during the last two years.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” is what he had said after they had finished the whole story but then Eleven had used her powers to lift a can of coke in the air and crush it, causing some of the liquid to sprinkle onto Eddie. He sputtered as he wiped it off his face and looked on with wide eyes. “Alright, maybe I’m just high,” he had lifted his hands in defeat, eyes wide and brain going haywire, but then he had remembered that he hadn’t taken any drugs in the past twenty-four hours or so.

All in all, it had been quite the experience learning all this.

He thought he was going crazy at first or that the girls were just pulling a massive prank on him but at one point, things began making too much sense.

Your mysterious injuries every year for example.

Will’s vanishing.

You telling him “Once Will comes back home, we’ll spend more time together” right after you had buried ‘him’.

He had begun putting two and two together and their story had become more and more plausible by the second.

“Understand? We can’t go running like headless chicken and jump everyone we suspect. We have to be careful about this,” said Max and he nodded.

“Y-yeah.”

And now the trio found themselves at Hawkins’ pool. It was pouring rain outside and the sound of thunder rumbled throughout the darkening, cloudy sky. Max and Eleven pulled down the hoods of their raincoats while Eddie used his leather jacket to cover his head. He shook the clothing off the water droplets and tied it around his hips before his hands flew to muss up his hair to get rid of the moisture and then straighten it out.

“Excuse me.”

“No one in the water until thirty minutes after the last strike,” said one of the lifeguards casually as he chewed on his gum and browsed through a magazine, not even sparing them a look. “And don’t try and argue with me. You wanna get electrocuted, go climb a tree.”

“Yeah, we don’t care. We’re not here to swim,” sassed Max. “Or get electrocuted.”

“We found this,” added Eleven as she pulled out the lifeguard first aid kit fanny bag which finally made the guy look up.

“Does that belong to anybody here?”

“Oh, yeah. That’s Heather’s. I’ll get it back to her.”

“We could give it back to her.”

“You could, ‘cept she’s not here. Bailed on me today,” drawled the boy and the trio shared a look. “What is this? You guys want a reward or something?”

“No. We’re just being good Samaritans,” smiled Max tightly and the girl lifeguard shot her a look that made her scrunch up her face while Eddie curled up his lip.

The two’s attention shifted onto Eleven, however, when they noticed she wasn’t standing by their side anymore, and they followed her to the staff board where pictures of all lifeguards were hung on.

“Heather…Do you think you could find her and Y/N?” asked Max and Eddie’s eyes widened.

“She can do that too!?” he asked excitedly and Max hummed. “That’s soo cool! You’re like, a real-life Jean Gray!”

“So you’re saying she needs some kinda static sound to get her into this state?” asked Eddie after he and Max had turned on all the showers in the dressing room and she nodded. “Ok, then why not just go outside? I mean it’s raining and all.”

“Because she needs to focus properly and there are cars and people passing by outside, causing extra noise.”

“So-“

“Please, be quiet,” sighed sharply Eleven, and Eddie made a zipper motion with his hand over his mouth and plopped on the ground, crossing his legs and propping his elbows on his thighs, using his palms to rest his chin on.

She tied a cloth around her eyes and concentrated, easily falling into a meditative state and sooner rather than later she found herself in the familiar Void, looking for clues about the missing girl.

“What do you see?” asked Max after some time passed.

“A door… a red door.”

There was silence for a while as the two watched Eleven intently, perking up when her breathing began increasing.

“What is it?” asked Max tensely.

“She disappeared! She-she…was pulled underwater,” whined the girl and Max put a hand on her shoulder.

“It’s ok. We’re here. You’re ok… Try to focus on Y/N now,” encouraged her the redhead and Eleven tried to calm herself, taking a few deep breaths, before painting your image in her head.

And then you appeared in front of her.

You were sitting on the ground, rocking back and forth, creamy dress stained with dirt, hair a bit damp and messy.

She gulped as she took a few steps forward and circled you, coming to stand in front of you and get a better look. Her eyes widened when she saw how pale you were and how bloodshot your eyes were, holding heavy bags and dark circles. Your hand trembled a bit as you scratched the crook of your arm. She heard shuffling and whimpering and watched you turn your head to look at the source, lifting a finger to your mouth.

El furrowed her eyebrows in confusion before crouching next to you and reaching out for you, touching your shoulder.

Suddenly, your head snapped to look at her and she almost fell back in shock.

“El?” you breathed out and she gulped, eyes widening in stupor. “El!” you shouted as you crawled towards her but just like Heather, something pulled you under the watery surface and she could only watch you scream as you got dragged further and further down while pointlessly trying to grab your hand and pull you out.

“Y/N!” she yelled as she tried to reach for you but you were long gone and she let out a sharp gasp when she exited the Void and harshly pulled the blindfold down, making Max and Eddie stand on edge.

“What happened? El! What did you see?”

She could only pant as she tried regaining her bearings and fight back the welling of tears.

“I-I saw Y/N on the floor,” she stuttered out after she calmed a bit a minute later. “She…didn’t look well…She was…dirty and shaking and scared.”

“Where was she?” asked Eddie urgently and she shook her head.

“I don’t know…I couldn’t see…But there were some other voices I could hear. And…it looked like she was telling the people to keep quiet,” gulped the girl unsettled and Max and Eddie shared a look.

It felt like this left them with more questions than answers.

By the time they left the pool, it was already dark as evening had descended upon them.

Eddie had tried dialing Scoops Ahoy one more time but once again nobody picked up and he was going to pull out his hair from the way stress was escalating.

They had absolutely no idea where to begin looking for you so they decided to go to the place El had seen, hoping to find clues there before informing anyone else of their discoveries.

“Is this it?” asked Max as they looked through the windows of Eddie’s van and El nodded.

“Yes…It’s the same number I saw.”

“C’mon, c’mon!” ushered them Eddie as he got out of the vehicle and held his leather jacket above his head, the trio quickly running to the porch of the house.

The door was locked so Eleven had to use her powers and unlock it from the inside, letting it creak open and allowing them to enter. They slowly walked down the hallway, eyes widening when they saw multiple portraits of Heather and who they supposed were her parents.

“This is her house…It’s Heather’s house.”

They had expected to find an empty, dark house but instead were greeted by the sound of light music, laughter, chatter, and the shocking scene of no other than Billy himself, sitting at the table alongside Heather’s parents.    

“Isn’t that cute, huh?” they heard the boy laugh and they approached a bit more, drawing the attention of the occupants. “Max?” Billy’s grin faltered a bit when he saw her and the others and they looked awkwardly at each of the adults.

“We didn’t mean to…barge in,” she tried to explain. “We tried to knock but… maybe you didn’t hear us over the storm.”

“I’m sorry, who is this dripping all over my living room right now?” asked Tom agitated and Billy finished chewing his bite before letting out a charming chuckle.

“I’m sorry. Janet, Tom, this is my sister, Maxine,” he introduced her before standing up and nearing the girl. “What on Earth are you doing here? Is something wrong?” he asked and maybe for the first time ever he sounded genuine, making Max blink and look in confusion.

“We just wanted to make sure everything was ok.”

“Ok? Why wouldn’t it be ok?” asked the boy with furrowed eyebrows and Eddie snorted.

“C’mon, man, don’t play around. Where are they?” he bit out and Billy glared at him.

“I’m sorry? Where is who?”

“Well, they’re a little burnt, I’m sorry,” came in Heather’s voice and everyone snapped to look at her in shock. She appeared to be perfectly normal as she entered the room, happily carrying a tray of cookies. She halted in her words and steps once she saw the trio.

“Heather! This is my sister, Maxine,” he introduced once again as he pointed at the girl before tucking his hands in front of him. “And, I’m sorry but I didn’t quite catch your name,” he turned to the other girl as he spoke but there was something biting in his tone that one could catch onto only if they listened close enough.

“El,” she responded flatly.

“El,” he repeated, eyes not leaving hers until Eddie stood in front of her, gaining his attention. “And you were…the Munson boy…Care to tell me just what are you doing with these two? They don’t look like the typical people you surround yourself with,” he asked with a tight smile and Eddie returned the hostile energy.

“I don’t know, man, maybe I happened to stumble upon your sister and El who were dead worried about our mutual best friend going M.I.A,” he said tersely. “And Max just happened to find her necklace in your room,” he whispered the last part and Billy’s expression fell.

“You went through my stuff?” he asked quietly as he looked at Max and she paled, eyes darting between Eddie and Billy. She was put in a tight spot and she wanted to gut Eddie for throwing her under the bus like that but she understood why he said what he said because it would’ve been even worse if Billy learned that all three of them had snooped through his stuff.

“I just wanted to turn off the music because you had forgotten the stereo on and it was distracting,” she stammered out a plausible reason. “I just saw it on the floor and we were wondering if you had seen her because we haven’t in the past days and we got worried.”

“Yes, I did see her,” Billy’s smile melted back into a charming one instead of a menacing one as he looked at each of the trio. “We met two days ago to discuss something. I can’t tell you much other than she’s planning a big surprise for everyone. She had to skip to Indianapolis to get some stuff and yes, she did drop her necklace and I picked it up,” he explained way too easily and crafted, making Eddie narrow his eyes unbelievingly.

“Oh…I see,” muttered Max as she sent him an awkward smile.

“And why didn’t she tell any of us that she was leaving town for a while?” snorted Eddie and Billy’s charming smile faltered, eyes hardening.

“I don’t know,” he accentuated every word as he stared unblinkingly at Eddie. “I don’t believe that I’m the person you should be asking this. Why don’t you ask her once she comes back?”

“Yeah…yeah, we’ll do that,” interrupted Max after picking on the rising tension and grabbed Eddie’s wrist warningly. “We’re sorry to bother you,” she apologized as she tried to take a step backward but Eleven moved from behind her and Eddie and came to stand between them, looking at Heather.

“But, I thought I saw-“

“-your manager. At the pool,” Max was quick to fill in the sentence with a smile. “He said you guys didn’t come in to work today so we got worried about you too,” she wormed her way through the situation and Billy hummed.

“Heather wasn’t feeling so hot today, so we thought we’d take the day off to nurse her back to health,” explained the boy with a tight grin. “But you’re feeling just fine right now, aren’t you Heather?” he asked as he turned to look at her and she nodded enthusiastically.

“I’m feeling so much better! Do you guys want a cookie? They’re fresh out of the oven,” she smiled as she offered them a treat and they all shook their heads simultaneously.

“Nope! No, thanks,” exclaimed Eddie as he waved and threw his hands in the air. “We, should keep our figures in check! Hah,” he let out a laugh as his lips twitched into a fake grin as he pointed at his body and put a hand over his stomach before he waved at the family and whirled around, walking briskly out of the house. He had seen too many horror movies and he was accepting no cookies from strangers ever in his life.

The girls apologized once again before bidding the others goodbye and following Eddie out of the house and into the van.

“I don’t know about you but I’m not very convinced,” grunted Eddie as he struggled to put on his belt and turn on the vehicle.

“I don’t know…it seemed plausible to me,” muttered Max as she stared out the window at the house.

“But then what was it that El saw? Y/N? The people with her? And did you see Hargrove’s expression and the way he spoke?” growled Eddie.

“He’s always like that. He has an asshole voice and intimidating expressions,” tried to explain Max.  

Everything seemed to fit and everything Billy had said seemed very reasonable.

But somehow Eddie wasn’t fully convinced.

[pterobat]

Sinsmas Review

This was delayed as I got stuck trying to articulate my thoughts on the demon birds without seeming like I couldn’t understand basic emotional cues. Finally I said, “screw it”.

**A lot of Stolitz fun and cuteness, with enough conflict to satisfy. “Opposites attract” doesn’t float my boat by itself but these are fun characters to observe.

**It's also really funny, to my convoluted ND mind, that as viewers complain about the Hellaverse demons (both sinners and Hellborn) not acting demonic enough, the Hellaverse up and gives the hellborn a holiday with all the trappings of our allegedly secular Christmas.

**But adding some xenofictional specifics also makes for something charming to go with the hilarity. I'm glad they're sticking with Moxxie being Wrath-identified even after they nerfed it, and him and Millie fighting like rabid chipmunk versions of Mr. and Mrs. Smith is great.

**(I take small issue with Greed being equated to working on a holiday when personal greed isn’t usually the reason people work on holidays but enh.)

**All right, I'm eating crow: Stolas IS feeling the lack of privilege as well as the loss of Via, rather than suffering saintily. Good on the crew.

**Speaking of, does Stolas really have an issue with eating hell-eggs? Ozzie doesn't and he's a Big Cock, and these aren’t even owl eggs so I thought it was Blitz's cooking but...

**At least we get more acknowledgement that Stolas eats like a real owl, that’s always fun.

**Always thought the fan theory of Stolas working at IMP sounded goofy and his abortive attempt didn't do much to change that.

**Ehn, the decision to turn away from a hit doesn’t quite land. It’s too obvious a beat and kind of redundant.

**So, I understand Via being mad at Stolas, mostly understand being mad enough to walk back inside, but nothing, not a single word or expression towards Stella and Andrealphus delivered in any tone?

**Or, uh…it’s starting to get frustrating, the way the series to series barely shows anything of Octavia outside of the sadness/anger at feared or perceived abandonment by Stolas. Thankfully the series doesn't dismiss her grievances with him, but it feels so thin when that's the only focus she gets.

**And it’s so especially dire because it seems like the series is actively avoiding having any direct interaction, or explicit avoidance of such, between Octavia and her jailers. It’s easy to say, “Oh, they all hate/are indifferent to each other”, but there’s just no personality or weight to this mutual disinterest.

**Stella offered false compassion to Octavia last episode, and it got me hyped for more interaction, but then there was no fallout, no greater interest in exploring how this played into their usual interactions—-because we still don’t know what those were.

**Now, Octavia witnesses Stella's goofy brand of evil and has no reaction but a scowl at her phone being snatched, and we don’t know to what degree that expression is directed at her mother for doing it, her uncle for setting this in motion, or Dad for leaving her with these twits, because the story only flaps its hand in a vague direction.

**Stella obviously doesn't love anyone, but the particular form indifference takes could speak volumes if someone lets it. I know the crew loves Bojack Horseman, but that series did a way better job with communicating the abuse by Beatrice and Butterscotch in a solid way while still being cartoony—hell, The Owl House did a better job with Odalia.

**We thus don’t know why Octavia would say, “You don’t love Mother (…)” —is she sticking up for Stella? Why? Or is Via just pointing out the obvious?

As it is, the fandom’s seething hatred of Stella and the determination to take her every action with the utmost sincerity when this is the caliber of material is what we get, is confusing.

**Thinking further, the disconnect is probably that I’m a huge Doylist and I view art as something made, instead of this window into another reality where there’s no theme, tone, subversions, expectations, execution, or style, because life doesn’t have those, and so everything we witness has equal weight, and seeing a character being terrible is enough to hate them.

**Doylism is hardly a mechanical way of looking at storytelling, but it means that HB often feels to me like a series of fractured events, wanting for some slower pacing and more connective tissue to make it really shine.

Though I did enjoy the scrap with Andy. Loved the ice hydra, but wish Andrealphus could have turned into that hydra instead of conjuring it---finally debuting a demon form as good as Stolas' full-throttle one.

**Whoa, Loona went into Hispo form! (That's for the WTA crew)

**One of the most Hellish/xenofictional things here might be the free and easy public distribution of drugs--I'm hoping Stolas's “candy” pills would be hard substances in the human realm, and it's not all some anti-SSRI twaddle about "medicating away your feelings".

**So of course if an adult woman character throws up, she's pregnant, right? I shouldn't be disappointed but here I am.

**It doesn’t seem like the right time for Millie emotionally or situationally, but much as I love HB, it feels like it’d be married to “Screenwriting 101” cliches that emptily dictate that a pregnancy/birth/baby is the strongest narrative course regardless of characterization

**So, I guess we'll find out if imps lay eggs or not. I'm guessing not since the Hellaverse aims for things being as humanlike as possible unless anthro demons are involved, which makes me wonder if imps are born with fairy fingers--and do NOT Google that unless your stomach is strong. It's basically a biological "cap" on the hooves of infant ungulates to prevent them injuring the mother. I assume their horns grow in later.

**I guess one of Millie's brothers from the character sheet (the one with the bob cut and big gloves) has been removed from the series proper because he's not there at Sinsmas and a quick check shows he wasn't in the family portrait in "Harvest Moon".

**I assumed the biggest brother was the married brother visiting back in "Harvest Moon” but if so, his spouse isn't visible now.

[ronanceautistic]

bob burger appreciation rant under the cut

i love bobs burgers man it’s a good show. i think it especially shows when they’re 15 seasons in but I’ll still hear people raving about new episodes. the christmas one last season, the one in the cemetery, and now marshmallow’s one. i think a lot of animated comedies fall into the habit of thinking nothing matters, because no one ever ages, time never passes, growth never needs to happen because we’ll never see the aftermath of it. but bobs burgers still doesn’t shy away from having more weighted stories with their already well lived-in characters, but that’s why it works. We hear every few years about Bob’s mother, until you get an entire episode dedicated to her. I think the movie did really well with explaining Louise’s hat, having her grow past feeling like she needs to wear it while not actually changing her design, or ever showing her without it. And Marshmallow, a historically background surface level character, kind of getting re-introduced to us along with her new va.

I also just like how like… free? the characters are. like with gender and sexuality and shit. I think the choice of changing Tina’s gender was kinda genius, because she’s so typical boy-crazy teen but they did it in a way that I think a lot of comedies, at least back in the day, would’ve been afraid to. They state from, like, day one, that Tina is attracted to zombies, writes erotic fiction about her classmates, and is into butts. I just like how much more open and real they are with the typical middle school crushes she gets than just “teehee i hope he calls me back”.

Gene is a walking ad for being genderfluid, he constantly references himself as being a woman, or talking about one day becoming a woman, but he’s also just very very open and expressive about his own body. I think I relate to him in the sense of I don’t think he ever really thinks about what he is, he just refers to himself with a gendered term - masculine or feminine - and people roll with it.

And one of the Louise moments that really stuck out to me was the fairy episode where she gets genuinely frustrated at herself for not liking girly stuff. Like this is a character that’s been so sure of herself for all of the show, to the point where she is making fun of the girly girls. I just love the sudden shift from a kid-like tantrum of “They don’t like this because I don’t like it.” to “Why don’t I like it?”. It’s like it comes out of nowhere, but has been there the whole time.

And Linda and Bob just never not being themselves. Linda is basically a walking parade, who supports her kids in literally everything they do and embraced every part of them. Bob is like a lighthouse you could always depend on. He’s got a lot of layers to him, the work-aholic who seems so straight cut, but is so creative with his work and absolutely loves what he does. Creative a new burger every day, talking to his food, having all these intimate, emotional moments with himself alone. He really could’ve fallen into the trap of being the grumpy dad who hates his work and kids, but instead he just grew in depth and emotion, and despite his complaining, has so much genuine and obvious care and love for his family.

It’s on my list of autism shows - aka shows where autistic traits tend to be the celebrated ones, and neurotypical traits are the out of place ones. Bobs Burgers is the best example of this, not only does every Belcher have clear autistic traits, but every single other character does. Gayle’s life is dedicated to her cats and she constantly misses social cues. Jimmy Junior tends to express his emotions physically through dance. Teddy has a rigid routine of eating at Bob’s every day that frustrates him so much that Bob ends up leaving notes outside for Teddy explaining the situation in multiple episodes. Courtney sucks on her necklace. Even Jimmy Pesto, whose main form of communication is using insults and jokes to mask his jealousy of Bob being so free and open. And additionally Trev, who constantly, like he can’t help it, explains Jimmy’s joke after the fact.

Anyways. the end !

[jeffannieftw]

If you had to pick an episode for Jeff and Annie to get together, which one would it be?

Hmmm excellent question

I think that, because it’s community and the focus has never been on relationships too much, I would’ve liked them doing relationship stuff on the sidelines. Like—

Maybe have them just hook up in season 4

add a scene at the end of the Christmas episode where everyone else has gone home and they are laughing about the day and Annie is helping clean.

She says something like “sorry if I made that get out of hand. I know I can be… dramatic… and too much”

And Jeff can say something like “cmon Annie. You’re never too much. You’re a perfect amount and make every situation better even when you make it worse”

He goes to move into the kitchen, or tries to ruffle her hair but she catches his hand, looking gobsmacked, and they look at each other

End episode

Then the next episode is the body switching episode (a lot of people say the best ep of season 4 and that’s fair, except troy treats poor Britta like crap)

Start it with Annie waking up in Jeff’s bed and sneaking out

Maybe they are kind of avoiding eye contact that day

When Jeff has his speech to Troy about how he wishes he was brave enough to commit to a relationship, maybe a line about how knowing troy makes him feel braver? Implied he’s thinking about Annie

At the end of the episode he goes to talk to Annie and it’s obvious he’s going to suggest they actually date but before he gets there she cuts him off and says:

“Jeff, knowing you has really helped me relax. I love that I don’t always have to be thinking of the future! I can just live my life and see where things go. I guess I’m more mature now!”

As she wanders off, it’s clear that Jeff is devastated

Then never address it again in season 4

In season 5, maybe one glance in the first episode that makes it clear that they aren’t sure where they left off

In the polygraph episode just add a line where pierce conveys to the gang

“did you know Mr. Winger and Ms. Edison have been seeing each other since they got back to greendale?”

Everyone is shocked

Jeff cries out “how could he know that”

Annie is like “pierce promised our monthly coffee catch ups were confidential!” Or something

Then when questioned, both insist “we’re casual! It’s casual!”

The rest of the season, their interactions are a bit different. They hold hands when people aren’t looking, he’s shown holding her food or bringing her coffee.

Season 5 finale

in the show has the Jeff-Britta engagement. If we really need to keep that we can have Jeff/Annie say they’ve ended things at the start of the episode.

But I say we get rid of the subplot.

Maybe instead he and Annie are talking about ending things in their casual relationship since it’s ~casual~ and they are going to have to separate when the school is closed.

And maybe she’s like “it works out; Abed wants to downsize to a cheaper place anyway; I’m going to transfer out of the city because city college doesn’t have forensics so I guess I’m moving.”

Both are sad

After Jeff’s burst of emotion that opens the door, Jeff stops Annie at the end of the episode

He says “I’m tired of pretending not to have emotions. I don’t want us to be casual, we saved the school so you can stay” and she’s like “but abed already found a one bedroom”

He’s like “move in with me.” She agrees.

Then in season 6, they just are together but it’s only shown in a few throwaway lines an episode

She can even still leave him for her job in the finale if they want it to be sad, but I’d prefer if in their last scene together, he’s like “I’ve never left Colorado but I’ve always wanted to travel, can I come with you?”

Because I hated that Jeff never got to go anywhere in his life

I think this way would lead to minimal changes, like max one subplot would need changing and like one minute’s worth of scenes for every episode I mentioned.

In conclusion:

hook up in season 4 Christmas ep; get outed in the polygraph episode; make it official in season 5 finale

[ratguy-nico]

2# Father of the Bob

And this is a perfect example of a great episode beyond a holiday special episode (I didn’t even realized that it was a christmas special until I read the series wiki)

The episode gets me since minute one. Since the very first scene I knew this episode would be it. And is just that this first scene is devastating, seeing how Big Bob demerit Bob’s efforts and ideas, he doesn’t even take a moment to think about how this hurts Bob, it’s not important, is not a moment that would mark Bob for life, is just another day. It makes me sick.

Then I saw the 15 minutes rule, and it reminded me so much of my own relationship with my grandma that Big Bob became immediately a villain in my head, some hurtful man who didn’t care about his son, but oh boy if I was wrong.

Big Bob is not a villain, is not a bad man, he’s just a very imperfect dad. Because yeah (for me) Big Bob is not a good dad, not a bad dad either, and I get this for others episodes as well.

Big Bob wasn’t a great dad, he loves Bob of course, but he also hurt him deeply over the years and since a young age, but how the serie deal with this is what amazed me. Big Bob in this moment of his life, where he thinks he already lost his son, is still trying to change, which is huge for me.

Big Bob, even if at first didn't wanted to admit it, understand why Junior go, why they couldn’t work together and finally recognize that he made things in the wrong way, and he is indeed trying to change and be more accesible and communicative, we see more of this in further episodes. But he doesn’t do this expecting for Bob to go back, he does it because is the right thing to do, is what needs to be done.

I’m not trying to say Bob wasn’t also in the wrong, cause he was, but he’s the one to extend the branch of olive and he does it in the best way possible.

Who knew this man could actually communicate his feelings in such an on point way. Damn.

And know that we are in this scene and I have to clarify this next part is my brain looking too deep into things. (pls bare with me)

For me this whole scene in Pete’s Gay Bar alludes not only to Bob’s burgers ideas or him running away from Big Bob's Dinner, but is also about his sexuality (and maybe even his autism).

Bob can not believe his father is just so comfortable in this kind of place, surrounding by people that are just like Bob, this parts that Bob always thought his father couldn’t accept, this parts of him he couldn’t even voice out loud himself. Cause in this scene is obvious they both know, but they just don't talk about it. Bob assumes Big Bob will never accept it and Big Bob try to not mention it cause he doesn’t get it, but he wants to get it, want to understand, but he doesn’t tell Junior any of this, maybe under the assumption that Junior doesn’t even care cause it just too late.

The line “You have weird and happy kids” broke me. Big Bob knows as well as Bob that the kids are different, neurodivergent, but don’t have the knowledge to refer properly about it. Big Bob accepting the fact that the kids are weird but still amazing and, most important, happy as they are, close the circle of him rejecting his son in the past for being weird and ungrateful (not happy) and for the cherish on the top he says “You are a good dad” cause yeah Bob is certainly doing it better than him at the past.

I really love this episode so much, maybe even more that the actual Top 1 but for now here it is. Is a complex episode, that I could see over and over and still think more about it.

EXTRAS

I love how passive-aggressive Linda is with Big Bob, she really wants for him and Bob to have a good relationship and she forced as she does with her own parents. But in this and other episodes is clear that she doesn't forgive Big Bob for all the things he put Bob trough.

The kids are the glue on the episode. With their innocence and naivety in the matter they get to bring the family together. They don’t get why their dad doesn't like Pop Pop but they don’t really care, they like their Grandpa and that’s what matters.

I kind of ship Big Bob and Pete, there it is I said it. Leave me alone. This destroy all my discourse but I just love the idea of Big Bob finding love again and in this man that obviously support him and like him the way he is, they get each other. Shut Up! leave alone.

Oh and "Baby You Can Chive My Car Burger" is so special to me, I'm just waiting for the right moment to cook it, is like one of my dreams in real life.

[kolbisneat]

MONTHLY MEDIA: December 2023

And so the year draws to a close! Big movie month and hoping to carry that over into the new year.

……….FILM……….

Turning Red (2022) Late to the game on this but it’s so great! When they talk about the ritual and that the words to the music don’t matter, I knew it was gonna lead to 4*Town playing a key role, but what they did on top of that was a genuine surprise and what takes this to the next level: they embrace the obvious setups but add an extra twist to the payoffs. So great.

The Fate of the Furious (2017) Okay I really love the idea of evil Dom so this movie moooooostly works. I’m still getting caught up on the series but even knowing that Han is alive, it’s still baffling that Shaw is embraced by the crew. He killed that whole hospital wing! 

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (2001) These are of course Christmas films and I’ve noticed a transition in myself having not seen them for many years. I once liked the earlier movies for how faithful they were to recreating the books, but I now see how that the accuracy is at the expense of the movie’s pacing. Still really impressed with how well cast the core trio is even at this age.

The Santa Clause (1994) Nostalgia overwhelms my perspective on this but, as far as I can tell, this holds up pretty well. Starting Scott off as just...kinda the worst makes his transition all the better and I think is where Tim Allen is at his best. Plus a lot of really great sight gags which I don’t really see anymore (like the Denny’s full of sad dads).

Confess, Fletch (2022) Fun and the sort of movie I wish got made more often. Not all of the humour really landed but the characters were engaging and the mystery lead to a lot of fun. Perfectly decent rainy day watch.

The Night Before (2015) A lot of ups and downs with this one. At it’s best it’s very funny but when it slows down it really grinds to a halt. I wonder if the hangover movies have the same challenge. Also 100% thought the steroid injection was insulin.

Frosty the Snowman (1969) and Santa Claus is Comin' to Town (1970) Two Rankin Bass classics that really highlight the best that this production company could do.

No Hard Feelings (2023) and Easy A (2010) The former was a pretty fun comedy that didn’t have a lot of comedy and the later was a comedy that I remember loving when it came out but not really connecting upon rewatch. Would I still recommend both? I think so, but only lightly.

……….TELEVISION……….

Blue Eye Samurai (Episode 1.01 to 1.04) A good chunk into the season and really digging it. The characters are rich and layered and the show is doing a good job of exploring those layers in an engaging story. Plus the setting/time period allows for a lot of really great visuals. Definitely making the most out of the premise and stoked for the rest of the season.

Poker Face (Episode 1.08 to 1.10) Such a satisfying series. The majority of the episodes stand on their own but the bigger picture occasionally pops up, until the end of the season where it becomes the main focus. Just like TV used to be! Really beautiful wardrobe and set design, all the actors seem to be having a great time, and each episode feels thoroughly realized. Big fan can’t recommend enough. 

Scott Pilgrim Takes Off (Episode 1.07 to 1.08) Came into it expecting something else and it’s gonna take some time to adjust to what it was. Gotta rewatch but really no complaints! 

……….YOUTUBE……….

Plagiarism and You(Tube) by hbomberguy Yes I did watch a 4 hour video on plagiarism and you should too. VIDEO

when the director is overqualified for the job by CinemaStix I never really considered how similar the early Harry Potter movies but it all makes sense. VIDEO

Stop Taking ANY Advice From TikTok by Extranet Shaquille A quick and light reminder that social media isn’t worried about truth or accuracy in any way. VIDEO

The Marvelization of Cinema by Stories of Old This succinctly explains (to me, at least) why some modern remakes/sequels/reimaginings land and some don’t. In short you gotta ask if it’s purpose is to tell a story or maintain a brand. VIDEO

……….READING……….

There is a Tide aka Taken at the Flood by Agatha Christie (Page 122 of 224) Picked up a bunch of old Agatha Christie books at a thrift store (partly because of the cool covers, partly cause I like mystery as a genre but never read it). Turns out this is EXACTLY what I needed right now. It’s been a while since I was this stoked to keep going with a story and this specific story feels like a great influence on the first Knives Out movie in that it’s centred around a lot of family drama vying for control of a deceased benefactor’s money. So stoked and gonna grab more of these when I can. Hey do you have old DELL copies of Christie novels you don’t want? Lemme know.

Tiger in the Stars by Zach Hughes (Complete) Okay so I picked this up while thrifting. There were DOZENS of these Laser Books and figured I’d try one and see what they were like. Turns out...not that great. Some fun ideas but moved at a snail’s pace and felt like there was a lot of padding. Something like this feels like a Goosebumps book (short, quick output, somewhat formulaic) but in comparison, I think I’d prefer R. L. Stein.

Delicious in Dungeon Vol. 2 by Ryoko Kui (Complete) Again rereading as the series draws to a close and it’s still such a joy. These characters are fully formed right from the beginning and it’s such a good study in dramatic escalation as right now it still feels light and fun and I love it.

The Michael Moorcock Library: The Chronicles of Corum Vol. 1: The Knight of Swords by Mike Baron, Mike Mignola, Rick Burchett, & Kelly Jones (Complete) Love these illustrated retellings of the old pulp fantasy novels. Sometimes the limited page count leads to pacing that feels rushed and a scale that feels smaller than the grandiosity of the subject matter, but every adaptation requires sacrifice. Gonna keep going with this series and also try to find the original books!

……….AUDIO……….

Cold & Blue All Over (Demo) by Blue Freezie (2023) A little punk, a little surf rock, a little rockabilly, and all a good time. Big fan of this album and hoping there’s more to come.

……….GAMING……….

Neverland: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) The Tuesday D&D crew is back in Neverland and sorting out this Elf problem! They’ve killed one and are on their way to killing some more. It’s more nuanced than that and you can read all about it here.

Oz: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) The Mof1 D&D crew just robbed a funeral and started a riot! Who knows what’s gonna happen next.

And that’s it. See you in January!

[roseposts-stuff]

hello folks!!! it is time for doctor who series 9 rankings!!!

1. Heaven Sent (9x11) - peak. fucking. doctor who. one of my (and many other's) favourite episodes of ALL TIME and for a REASON!!!! it's so clever and well written and well acted and it's visually GORGEOUS like!!! peter capaldi is so good and i firmly believe he's the only actor who could've pulled this off, basically a 50 minute monologue come on man!!! i wish i could watch it for the first time again it's brilliant

2. Face the Raven (9x10) - SO GOOD!!! i love rigsy and i'm so glad he came back haha. clara's death is actually so heartbreaking and SJSJSJ the conversation between her and the doctor omg THE WAY SHE USES HER LAST MOMENTS TO MAKE SURE HE WON'T SEEK REVENGE OR ANYTHING OMG i love that!!! and it's also like visually so so so beautiful like visuals are a big part of how much i enjoy an episode as you might have noticed if you've seen my rankings before, like honestly i don't care too much about if the cgi is good or not etc. but them colours and lights and stuff need to be right!!!!!

3. Under the Lake/Before the Flood (9x3/9x4) - this is, again, SO good, i LOVE timey wimeyness doctor who should do WAY MORE timey wimeyness like you're a time travel show, USE IT!!!! i like the side characters and the beginning of before the flood with 12 explaining bootstrap paradox to the audience is so great and THE FADE FROM 12'S GUITAR TO THE THEME!!! it makes me so happy

4. Hell Bent (9x12) - is it a perfect episode? no. but i think it gets SO MUCH undeserved hate. i love love love clara in this, and the scene where her or the doctor have to forget everything is so good imo. i'm really interested in gallifrey and i haven't seen much of classic who yet so i take every scene in new who very gratefully and with great interest. i THINK people criticise the episode for having 12 suddenly be so ready to kill and stuff, and in any other episode i'd agree, but after heaven sent and the way his and clara's relationship is so codependent and toxic, it makes complete sense in my opinion. i loved when the doctor and me met at the end of the universe it was interesting imo, and i LOVEEEE that clara and me's TARDIS is the same one 11, river and the ponds were in series 6!!! and i like the way first you think clara has forgotten stuff but then you find out it's 12 who did (idk if it was obvious to everyone else but me, you can fool me so so so easily it's not even funny i believe almost anything the plot wants me to believe. which probably greatly affects the fact that i can enjoy doctor who so easily.) yeah i really really enjoy this episode

5. Last Christmas (9x0) - honestly why don't people talk about this episode more?? like it's SO interesting and just a bit scary, i love love love the idea of dreams inside dreams, like i don't really have complaints about this episode tbh it's really great and has a fascinating concept

6. The Husbands of River Song (9x0) - this is peak comedy i was laughing half of the duration of the episode probably, i love river obviously, and i liked her and 12 together. gotta love nardole as well lmao. i don't have much to say except SLAY socialist 12 and this is so funny like 80% of the run time, which is how a christmas special should be

7. The Girl Who Died (9x5) - i like this one!! 12 acting like he's a norse god and then the guy appearing in the sky and 12 tries to impress everyone with a yoyo was absolutely hilarious to me, that's peak humour in my mind. me was a bit annoying in this one can't lie like this is my least favourite me appearance, because HOW was she so stupid like girl i know those random guys you live with would've started fighting without a second thought but you're so much cleverer than them come on, but whatever, i forgive her i did care about her in the end. i loved the 12th doctor realising why he chose the face like YASSS GIRL!!!! and them making the video was so funny and random i ADORE 12 and clara in this, and i love the theme of immortality it's very interesting and i love when it's explored in doctor who

8. The Zygon Invasion/The Zygon Inversion (9x7/9x8) - i think it's. good. i love clara controlling the zygon it was sooo interesting and the sort of space she's in felt so weird and interesting i loved it, and obviously the doctor's speech is fantastic and peter capaldi delivers it perfectly. however, i do think it's not that well paced or something, like sometimes it feels really slow and sometimes everything is happening at once, and basically reasons to watch it would be 12's speech and jenna coleman. i did like osgood as well tho and obviously i'm the biggest kate lethbridge-stewart stan i take anything with her even if she's in it for 2 seconds

9. The Magician's Apprentice/The Witch's Familiar (9x1/9x2) - i LOVE the doctor and davros' interactions and missy and clara are brilliant together. i love missy. the opening is brilliantly funny, i adore 12 SO MUCH, i love that he plays his guitar god knows in what century and teached the people the word "dude" i LOVE that, and how he just appeared in his davros chair and had tea what an icon i'm his biggest fan, i don't care if it makes no sense i'm here for the entertainment and that's what i got. but like i mentioned in the last series ranking... steven moffat does NOT understand the daleks. i respect him a lot as a writer, but he can't for the life of him write the daleks. "Into the Dalek" i can excuse because it's fun enough and the radiation is probably affecting the creature's biology, but this episode acting like the cases or armour or whatever are the ones controlling how the daleks act is just bullshit, the daleks are a genetically engineered race full of hate, not just some random squid aliens inside propaganda cases for god's sake. funny how the daleks of this dalek episode are the worst thing in it

10. The Woman Who Lived (9x6) - i enjoy this episode, i don't think it's bad, but it's not good enough to deserve to be higher on this list. me is an interesting enough character and i like that she doesn't remember everything, it's really fascinating. i also like how she's pretty much morally grey, a bit like the doctor. yeah, it's enjoyable but nothing special imo, and sometimes i just. didn't get the plot, which i understand and can excuse because it focuses on me and the doctor but i dislike the plot and the lion alien

11. Sleep No More (9x9) - it is a bit boring isn't it? i don't actively hate it, and i really appreciate the way it's filmed, i think it's really cool. i LOVE that we're kinda the monsters there and that it's a sort of video, but it doesn't save it from the fact that it's utterly tedious

[asherlockstudy]

just a new fan of rhett and link coming through😄… i want you to know that i've become obsessed with reading you'r posts about them.. btw i think you can't watch and know their story and NOT ship them.. i'm sorry, i mean LOOK at them. every thing they've gone through together, all the changes.. but the only constant is them, together every step of the way….i just- agghhhhh it drives me crazy.

But anyway i was reading one of you'r posts where you said something about their cutest phase being arond 2013- 2014. you also talked about it with an anon a couple of days ago, so i had to share my thoghts on that. and i completely agree, going back and watching that period you can really see it. rhett was being so cute and giggly, all the time about anything link would say, and he could BERELY take his EYES off of link.. and the eye contact was wild… I just.. i love it so much😳 But do you think that same feelings is as strong today? I wonder.. some times i feel like now when they would get a bit.. intimate it's a bit… performative…idk i might be wrong.. i just loved the stoling glanses, soaked with love, that i feel like there were so many of them back then.. but please till me if you think i'm just reading the whole situation wrong😌..

Hello! I am glad you have been enjoying the posts!

I don't think you read the situation wrongly, in fact I believe you are totally correct. There are several potential reasons for this change however and I find perhaps all of them reasonable and normal.

Like I wrote in that post you mentioned, according to the theory 🤷🏻‍♀️ their affair must have started some time in 2014 or early 2015 at most. Their situation back then was critically different than it is now:

The time they really started being romantic was also the time they started getting shipped. Incidentally. Or maybe not. However they were still very new at this game at the time, both how to handle their audience and how to behave with each other under their new status were completely new tasks. They didn't have a good understanding of how they appeared to their viewers and they were completely oblivious to how obvious they were. This is why they were more candid in the past. Now they are painfully aware, especially Rhett, so much so that they even maximise various interactions in their minds. It was a lesson slowly learned and still not perfected - have you seen their constant look of horror every time they watch back episode favourites with Rhink moments every christmas?

Then it's also the natural flow of time. Back then everything was new to them. Their decades long friendship was becoming something new, something even more intense. They were exploring their sexualities anew in ways they were once determined not to, in ways that until then they considered sinful and damning. At the time there wasn't any thought of getting open about it (even now this is a challenge). All this was very fresh and even though Link seems to believe that they started hopelessly late, let's not forget that at the time they were still young men at their mid thirties and given all the emotional, circumstantial and physical parameters the excitement and passion they felt must have been on the extremes. They once had a moment between them on GMM when Rhett said "You know how early in the relationship you behave like rabbits?" and Link agreed with a knowing look. This is also supported by their scripted videos; Link says in Digging A Hole that the reason they failed so bad at making a medium sized hole was that they succeeded so much at digging that they made a huge one instead. In short, these years and the ones to come up to 2019-2020 they were at their sex crazed phase, which is typical of most couples at first, let alone them who are way beyond your average couple in love.

If you notice, they are indeed sweet and soft in late 2013 till early 2016 and then from 2016 to 2021 they are straight out horny. I mean, they are always both but at first sweetness was more overpowering and then it was the horniness. This is also explained in their lore as their sexual affair went through a lot of trial and error, so you can see when sex started getting awesome and also when they finally could start setting aside their inhibitions, guilt (especially Link) and religious concerns and enjoy more unapologetically each other.

From 2020-2021 onwards, since the purchase of the creative house, I believe we have entered a new era, more mature, more contained. Things change; they are in their mid forties now, they have been together for quite a bit and also they have decided to come out, which casts the shadow of fear and severe anxiety in their relationship. Furthermore, they are not exactly on the same page (Rhett wouldn't mind not ever coming out had it not been for Link) and this wears them down and their interactions. All the fear of the future and the unknown must consume a considerable amount of their private time together. Age, getting used to each other and critical challenges are what makes them appear less lovestruck than they used to. They still do though, much more than your average 45 year old in a relationship does. I mean, it was only a year ago when Link sexily said he would FIGURATIVELY feed Rhett with words for a word game and Rhett stupidly opened his mouth to actually swallow the plastic piece with the word that Link was holding, like the proper solitary horny braincell that he is. It's just that such unbelievable levels of thoughtless horniness and love have become more sparse now that they have aged a bit and have a better understanding of how they are perceived publically. But I am happily firm in my belief that they remain extraordinarily ridiculous.

On the other hand, sometimes when they do something gay, it indeed is performative at this point. Maybe even most of the times. This is because of what they are planning to do, this has killed the spontaneity between them a great deal. Now it's more likely that they will consciously throw hints here and there than that they will slip badly due to their excessive romantic enthusiasm.

[variousqueerthings]

FISH FINGERS AND CUSTARD

doing an obvious title to get into the Eleven Era Masterpost:

Obviously I did an individual episode rundown (not counting the James Corden ones, which aren't bad but do have pre-talkshow James Corden in them, so it's at your own patience level), which I called The Measurement

Secondly I put together a google sheet via a great template by @fabiansociety with every episode of the era, the first tab of which just goes through the ratings for every individual episode, with a total score and a means per season

the second tab looks deeper at each episode, with pros, cons, recommendation, important plot points, and watching importance, as well as the suggested watch I made for my partner and doesn't need to be followed

ON TO THE RUNDOWN:

season five has an average score of 61 out of 100 (not counting the eleventh hour, which at the time was only rated on nine points), a highscore of 71, and a lowscore of 42. The season rated highest on respect for past Doctor Who and relative clarity of episodes, and lowest on companion relevancy and general politics

(highest rated the hungry earth/cold blood, lowest rated the pandorica opens)

season six has an average score of 62 out of 100, a highscore of 86 (shared by two episodes, and a lowscore of 37. The season rated highest on not objectifying women and not making the Doctor too Godlike/overly important, and lowest on companion relevancy, female emotional interiority, and politics

(highest rated the girl who waited and the god complex, lowest rated the marriage of river song)

season seven (including the 5oth anniversary special and final episode) has an average score of 58 out of 100, a highscore of 82, and a lowscore of 36. The season rated highest on not being too annoyingly "sexy" all the time and not objectifying women, and lowest on politics and world-building

(highest rated cold war lowest rated the time of the doctor)

overall the seasons rated low on every season finale and Christmas Special. the writer who overwhelmingly scored lowest was Steven Moffat. Mark Gatiss scores from very low to very high. Chris Chibnall is mostly reliable (with the exception of Dinosaurs on a Spaceship, which I'm willing to give him benefit of the doubt on some of that dialogue being... him)

and now we've gotten some vaguely statistical stuff out of the way (see the rest on the google sheet) I can say how I feel about this era

1 I think watching it the way that I did gave me much more goodwill towards the parts that I very much enjoyed, as well as more words to go through why I didn't like what I didn't. the problem with Steven M*ffat's first run is that it takes some of the worse impulses of RTD's era (the Doctor being presented as overly Super-Powery With A Tragic Past As Trope), went way harder on them, patted himself on the back the whole way, and was incredibly, inordinately sexist and misogynist in treatment of women and worldview of women's roles

2. the interesting thing looking through my ratings is that I don't, on the whole, remember the politics sticking out that much, but that's because M*ffat was attempting to be apolitical with Eleven, which is a way of bringing out some of ones more conservative "unquestioned" inner politics

for M*ffat this looked like a glorification of military, monarchy, and Institutional Powers that aren't beholden to the people, alongside an ableist strand that simplified characters to words like "psychopath," and -- like in RTD's era -- a sort of colourblind approach to character that could often either lead to there simply being less people of colour around or casting people of colour in roles that were quite thankless. there are very very great people of colour in various roles, in The Hungry Earth/Cold Blood, The God Complex, Hide to an extent... but it's way too few and too far between. Correct me if I'm wrong also but Lucian Msamati in Vampires of Venice is the single Black guy we've got who's in a main episode role and isn't presented as villainous, cowardly, or stupid? (do nooot come at me with Journey to the Centre...)

(note that this seems to be much more self-aware going into RTD2, but I want to be clear that not everything in M*ffat's era was only in M*ffat's era, but I do think it was made worse... and the sexism though, oh boy)

3. Now for the more contentious bits: I think Matt Smith is the weakest actor to play the Doctor. that's not to say he's bad, but I don't buy his deep weariness, his anger, his intelligence, or his compassion-born-from-pain. I do buy his playfulness, his childishness, his flightiness, his stubborness, his meanness, and his sadness, but in the end I don't think he could grasp the full 3D complexity of this role, which to me led to a depiction that I could best describe as "that petulant fuckboy you met at a party one time with mommy and tantrum issues who thinks he's smart about the world because he's good at economics." that's a tad unfair, there's definitely more going on than just that, but when the Doctor makes me feel uncomfortably like I'm watching guys I've known at times that I never want to meet again, that's going to make it impossible for me to suspend my disbelief.. you've got to be able to sell that this silly creature is incredibly powerful without that seeming... a bit, well, silly and/or cruel

in episodes that play to his strengths, or in which he plays more of a supporting role, he does a great job, and I particularly think he does well on the extreme rambles while also making some sense, but the second he made a grand speech I was lost. this wasn't helped by M*ffat deciding to once again... up some of the worse impulses of RTD's era (many of these which came from him) and make Doctor Who ostensibly even sexier. Matt Smith very much tried to lean into some of that dialogue, but as M*ffat had River Song say in his own episode, he's got the face of a twelve-year-old

it's also hard to unsee that Karen Gillan was cast for her looks, and how the writing plays into that rather than character building and I think a lot of her acting (possibly directed to be as such) tries to "prettify" her rather than is... good

and lastly, with all that sexism and at-best centrist politics, the childishness of the seasons also makes me uncomfortable at times -- not that this isn't for kids, but when the tone veers wildly from "wow Dinosaurs on a Spaceship!!!" to "I'm going to put this woman over my knee and spank her," I'm going to say that that's jarring (and yes, I'm constantly bringing up that episode, but it happens in many ways in many places throughout the run, more or less obviously)

4. that being said, I really like the overarching plot of Eleven's run being surprisingly simple underneath all the flash:

Ten regenerates under bad circumstances into Eleven, who crashes into a little girl called Amy's garden, and due to the nature that we learn Eleven has -- the most Peter Pan syndrome out of all of them -- constantly lets her down, while trying to outrun the past, and eventually, although she loves him, she grows out of him and goes to live her life

Eleven then steps away from people entirely, becoming sullen, uncommunicative, and unhelpful, until very quickly sucked back into trying to help a woman called Clara who's stuck in some kind of eternally recreating across different times life. after losing her twice, he commits to helping her, and they become quite casually very very good friends, without a lot of the baggage that was around with the Doctor's relationship with Amy

I don't hate this story. I frequently hate how it's presented, how Amy and Clara are depicted, and I am not a fan of River Song's writing in practically every one of her appearances. but if I imagine this Doctor as trying to escape from deep personal connection and therefore eschewing "the average person" in favour of presenting themself as the most impressive being of all time... I can make that work on a meta narrative

if I strip out the very worst episodes and muddle through some of the middly ones, this era isn't bad, and is frequently very very good and works well in tandem with what came before (with Nine and Ten) and what comes after

but boy am I happy it's done with I'm not going to lie, some of that was like pulling teeth!