#the only story relevant ones are before and after photos of both of the patients he takes in in the story | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dust2dust34 · 5 years ago

Text

#firstphotochallenge, Olicity AU

Written for the Fic for Food Drive - a prompt from @latinasmoak and @jesileighs based on Italia and Robbie’s tweets here. Enjoy!

(read on AO3)

“... the world is a giant fire bag of garbage… oh, puppy… oh my god, she’s getting so big…”

She meant to say all that, but it came out more like, “Teyydafdlsakdjfdkfjdodladjfdhigg,” around her toothbrush.

It was too early. She hadn’t had coffee. She’d barely zombied her way through feeding her child before handing him over to his father to have five seconds to herself. All she could really think about was how good the toothpaste tasted as she earned her zombie title by mindlessly scrolling through Twitter.

“Coffee’ll be wetter,” she mumbled - ‘cfkdllpttrer’ - and she scrunched her nose up at herself. “Not wetter. Better. Brain not working-”

A new notification popped up.

Felicity paused when she saw the photo she’d been tagged in.

For a split second, she wondered if her Twitter had screwed up again, because she was only supposed to get notifications from mutuals. A very necessary filter, considering some of the things people tagged her in. But here it was, this picture she knew as well as the back of her hand, but the relevance didn’t register…

Not until she saw who’d posted the photo, and what he had written.

Specifically the #firstphotochallenge.

“Really?” she yelled around her toothbrush. Felicity was too far away from the living room where she knew her husband was, so she spat out the toothpaste and stuck her head out the door and yelled louder. “Really, Oliver?”

“What?” came his distant reply.

“That picture?”

“What?”

“That! Picture!”

“What’s wrong with it?”

“That’s not our first photo!”

Felicity waited for him to reply, and when he didn’t, she repeated, “That’s not-”

Her phone rang and the screen lit up with her son’s drooling face smooshed against Oliver’s laughing one. It never failed to make her smile, and it did this time, despite her hackles being up. Oliver tended towards the stoic look for photos, which worked for his career, but it had the added bonus of making the candid moments so much better. When he was uninhibited and free and so cute it felt like her heart was going to burst right out of her chest? That’s when he was at his best.

And it only reminded her of the picture he’d chosen for this supposed ‘first photo challenge.’

She swiped to answer as she walked back into the bathroom. “That picture-”

“Why are you yelling across the house?” he asked, his voice still distant, telling her she was on speakerphone. A gurgle followed and then Oliver was speaking in a low coo, “Oh, there’s my big guy. There he is.”

It had her heart melting and she glanced in the mirror in time to see her falling into her Heart Eyes Face, as Oliver dubbed it.

She furrowed her brow and pointed her toothbrush at her reflection.

‘No, this is serious.’

It worked.

“Because,” Felicity said in her loud voice, “that isn’t our first photo as a couple. We have a much better first couple photo.”

“It’s not a first-couple-photo-challenge, it’s a first-photo-challenge,” Oliver told her patiently. A noise told her he was kissing their kid, probably on the top of his head, as he was wont to do when Oliver situated his chubby little body on his wide chest, the perfect resting place for him. She melted again. But only slightly this time. See? She had control. “That photo is literally our first photo together,” Oliver added.

“I mean, if you want to get technical, it’s not even really a picture, it’s a screen capture, and a crappy one at that,” Felicity replied, switching screens back to his tweet. The likes and reblogs were already blowing up. She ignored that, instead shaking her head at the picture itself. “Ridiculous.”

“I think it’s a good picture of us.”

“I’m not saying it’s a bad picture-”

“Then what?”

She would always remember that day. He was supposed to be a single-day guest star on her show, an ex that showed up at the wrong-place-wrong-time, there to act as a catalyst for the romance storyline that had been plotted to take place in the second season. The kiss hadn’t been scripted, but the director wanted to play out some scenarios, and one of them was a surprise kiss between exes. They’d nailed it in one shot, because none of them thought it would get chosen. And then of course that cut was picked for the episode, and suddenly the EPs were asking Oliver to come back, and long story short, he became a regular on the show. It helped that everyone who watched loved their chemistry as much as the producers did. And as much as she and Oliver did, apparently, since they started dating nearly right after that episode was shot.

That day had been a cataclysmic change in both her personal and professional life.

And yet.

Felicity shoved her toothbrush back into her mouth and mangled out, “Hang on,” as she retweeted the photo and started typing a caption with it.

“What are you doing?”

“Wait.”

“Felicity.”

“There. Done. Tweeted.”

He sighed and the rustles told her he was scrolling back to his Twitter app. She set her phone on the counter, a triumphant smile on her face as she finished brushing her teeth, waiting for him to see it, to read it…

Oliver snorted. “Nice.”

“It’s true.”

“I was excited,” he countered. “I just played it cool.”

“Ha,” she said, spitting out the last of her toothpaste and rinsing her brush. “So cool that I literally bit your head off when you tried to talk to me after you wrapped for the day.”

He chuckled. “I thought you didn’t like me-”

“But I did! And you were all... professional when I was all flustered, all cool, calm, and collected-”

“Not on the inside-”

“You were way too good at hiding it-”

“Well, I am an actor-”

“Oh shut up-”

“It still worked out pretty well-”

“Yeah, because you’re lucky,” Felicity informed him. “And insanely gorgeous.”

“So that’s why you keep me around, huh?”

“What can I say?” she asked with a cheeky grin, grabbing her phone and leaving the bathroom. “I’m a sucker for a pretty face.”

“I’m glad I married such a romantic,” Oliver huffed as she walked into the living room.

The most perfect sight waited for her, and she had to stop to take a picture.

It wasn’t the first photo she’d snapped of her boys - it was one of about a billion, actually - and it definitely wouldn’t be the last. It reminded her that it was kind of amazing that there was evidence of their first kiss at all. Even if the buildup to it still rankled her.

“You know,” Felicity said, alerting him to her presence. Oliver looked up from where he was reclined against the couch cushions, just flat enough for their dozing baby boy to be sprawled across his bare chest. “If me yelling at you after you asked me out, and then jumping you when you tried to walk away didn’t tell you everything you were getting into, I don’t know what would.”

“True,” Oliver replied with a chuckle. He tossed his phone away and opened his arm for her. When she plopped down next to him, he dropped his hand to squeeze her butt. “I can tell you I was definitely excited then.”

She rolled her eyes and he laughed.

“I guess our first ‘couple’ photo is already out there anyway,” Felicity mused as she smoothed her hand down their son’s back, straightening his onesie, “since you posted it on Instagram. Pink filter and all.”

“You chose that.”

“I did not.”

“Yes, you did. And then before telling me it was a joke, I posted it.”

“Right, you posted it. So you chose.”

“Oh my god.”

“Just say I’m right.”

“I will not. But I will say I don’t regret a single second of it. How’s that for exciting?”

Felicity snorted, trying to fight her Heart Eyes Face. She failed judging by his knowing smirk.

“It’s pretty good,” she allowed. “I guess.”

“I’ll take it,” he said with a grin before tugging her closer for a kiss.

Thank you for reading! Reviews literally feed the soul and muse!

#olicity #olicity fic #olicity fanfic #olicity fanfiction #olicitysquee #oliver queen #felicity smoak #olicity au #my fics #my fics: au #dust2dust34 #fanfiction #arrow #lol i wrote this with about a bottle of wine in me #i had... perhaps too much fun with this

59 notes · View notes

blooddrop-palace · 4 years ago

Text

Project Updates - What to Look Forward To

<3 Hello all! I've realized (humbly) that I have a small following of very nice people that seem quite interested in what I've written so far, and after seeing some mutuals post update-status posts, I thought I should share what's going on with my projects, also. (Thanks for the encouragement, @queenmuzz!)

Updated Dec-10-20

Sons of Fortune

Probably somehow my main focus now, though I am steadily working on other works. Currently working on the “In Between” special short before I start on Chapter 12.

I would also like to talk a little bit about my plans for this story: if anyone has paid attention to this story's tags, yes, I am touching up on the plots of most of the games. In fact, all of them, and the anime. (I already dealt with DMC4. No, I will not tear apart Fortuna lol.) Not all relevant tags are in, yet, because small spoilers. It looks like it's going to be a long while before I even get to the Temen-ni-gru, though. (There is a reason why that event is getting pushed back.) I want to have fun with the family fluff that is the twins each learning how to parent, first.

Hell Froze Over, and We Shall Reignite It

The drama of it all! Dante and Vergil are finally back from Hell, and Nero doesn’t even know his mother is now standing right in front of him. Meanwhile, even I’m anticipating seen how Snow and Dante is going to handle the obvious things currently unsaid... and I have a feeling a small measure of stupidity is still going to be involved.

Current chapter progress: Outline complete.

It's going to feel so interesting, shifting from "Fortune" back to Reignite. I get to write Sera and Vergil falling in love all over again, with a different set of circumstances. Whoa.

And, and... Nero meeting Sera... odd that I'm saying this as the writer, but I have a "I hope he likes his mom" feeling going on.

Also, no doubt Dante's brain is going to 404 when he sees Snow.

Nico prepares popcorn.

This is Not an Office Rom-Com

I have... about 8 new skits planned out. Nothing more written just yet.

That’s all I’m saying about this for now. =P

Hierarchy of Kings

Purely indulgent M/M romance of Vergil and an OC, existing all thanks to

@wordborne

Working on chapter 2.

I know I said 3 chapters only. I might have lied depending on how much I want to write. It's supposed to be just... awkward fluff of a listless part-devil who somewhat-recently lost his mate, got in a bit of a tiff with his brother, and now his children are trying to set him up with the prospective-king-of-hell, Vergil.

I think about this one a lot but I haven't written anything new for it yet, only because "Fortune" is taking over my life right now, haha.

Through the Lens of the Beholder

Okay, so...This story has no real plot. As a result, my drive for it is purely down to "if I think of a badass or cool photograph to describe." There is a TINY bit of plot. Only a little. And I don't know when I'll update. But this is why I'm trying not to START new projects. Four is a lot already! But because this one is supposed to be simpler than the other two, I will most likely finish this one before the others, so I can open a new project.

---------------

Speaking of new projects... Here are things ideas bouncing through my head:

- I still have a prompt from @maybeishouldwait sitting in my inbox. I WILL have it done one day, when I find the perfect way to write it.

A whole, entirely royally late set of Dadgil week fics. Yep. I want to write them. They just won’t be on time.

Written in Ink

A plot-less post-DMC5 story.

I say plot-less. There is a plot. The plot is:

Dante: Damn it, Verge, are you trying to turn my office into a zoo??

In which Vergil compulsively starts contracting strong demons he's defeated, left and right, because he's discovered "the joy of pets." The demons all take on a dark animistic form and things get wild.

A Persona and DMC fusion/AU

I have no title for this yet, and I absolutely cannot start this one until I have finished one of my other big projects. This one will take a lot of big planning, because I am making a new plot, using the mechanics of Persona, with DMC characters and setup.

What I want to write, is a teenage Nero as the protagonist, trying to solve a mystery... probably starting with the sudden disappearance of his mother. (Most likely Sera.) And he meets a lot of "new" people, and even finds new family... and yes, he will find his dad. (I'm thinking he'll know about Vergil, though. At least in name and a photo? Isn't that an interesting difference?)

For those of you not familiar with Persona, the major theme I really want to play with is that of the protagonist growing as a person (and in power) by befriending different people that helps them grow as a person. Each party member and important NPC is represented by a Tarot Card, signifying the type of journey the protagonist (The Fool) "embarks" with that character. There is growth in both the protagonist and that characters.

Again, this is ambitious to try and pull off... but it's in the back of my head. I'll focus on it once I've cleared some other stuff.

Sugar Sweet

A somewhat short-chapter series reader fic... of a surgeon/doctor!reader (barely 30 and good at what you do) who often saves the lives of shady people (e.g. mafia) because you care about saving lives, not the politics. But you do make good money out of it. (Hey, you gotta be at least a bit morally ambiguous if you're going to deal with devils.)

You meet one mess of a young mercenary named Dante, who is totally not human and deals with things like having bullets healed into his back, and he can't reach them to cut them out.

Dante doesn't care about bills for his office, or a lot of the debts in his life. You don't know where his money is going, or if he even makes much money at all (for the kind of specialty work he does? Money's going somewhere, but that's none of your business.)

You won't pay Dante's bills, or his debts, but he will accept pizza and ice cream. And new parts for his jukebox. And maybe a motorcycle. Or a new coat. Or a new car...

And you might complain to him about your dumb patients. Or just listen to him talk about his job. Or you two watch a movie together.

And this just continues. For years.

Tokusatsu DMC fusion/AU

So. First thing's first: I'm a big fan of Sentai/Tokusatsu. What is that, you might ask? It's a Japanese genre, and if you're familiar with Power Rangers, that's derived from Sentai.

Basically: Masked heroes with transformation gadgets, sometimes with motorcycles, fighting against evil. ("Magical girls" but strictly the opposite, a lot more physical combat involved, may involve upgrade gadgets, and not strictly limited to male heroes though mostly a male cast. Also not strictly for male-only audience. Girls like the eye-candy, too. :eyes-emoji:)

Why am I thinking about this?

Because I have found out that: Vergil's VA, Dan Southworth, was the Quantum Ranger (WHICH WAS RED). Nero's VA, Johnny Yong Bosch, was a Black Ranger and a Green Ranger.

...And Dante's VA, Reuben Langdon, had a role in a Japanese Toku show as "B-Fighter Yanma" forever ago???? (HE WAS BLUE!!)

What am I going to do with this info? I'll let you know later. But my Sentai/Toku-loving little heart is about to burst with hyperfixation overlap.

If I ever write this out, expect it to be just as cheesy as an actual Kamen Rider show. Or, at the very least, expect some art. I love Kamen Rider stuff!

Family Fantasy MMO

Snow introduces Dante, Vergil, Nero, and Kyrie to Final Fantasy 14 (because that’s the MMO I play) for family bonding. Yep. Mainly for silly indulgence.

Stardew Valley Visit

Post DMC5, Vergil and Dante accidentally end up going on a vacation when they try to leave Hell. No pairing with the farmer, but instead just a relaxing and somewhat introspective moment of the boys being stuck with most of their power temporarily sealed, learning how to take care of a farm, and maybe do a bit of healing by interacting with the townsfolk while they try to find out where their swords went and how to get home.

Re-Colourize

Otherwise what I would call the “re-colour of Nero and Snow” AU.

What if Vergil was found by Kassy’s family and raised among them? What if Dante ended up briefly in Fortuna and then convinced Sera to run away from the island?

What if we have a Nero who, though brash, is outwardly more soft and open-hearted, and has red-orange and gold colours instead? What if we have a Snow who is named Chiyuki, who wields her katana more like Vergil does, and has a more ice-queen aura about her, and has a teal and blue colouring about her?

This is my excuse to switch up the pairings, but also write Vergil being taught to fight more like an assassin.

Raised by the Blade

Imagine: Yamato, cracked, broken, and separated from her Master... desperately searching for a way to get back to him, and ended up washed up on the shores of Fortuna. Humanoid, but clearly not if anyone saw the cracked, broken, and no-normal look of “shattered” in her torso, that she would have to keep covered.

Made from the power of Sparda, she is pale with white hair... and she finds herself drawn to the orphanage...

Where she finds the toddler that is Nero.

Devil Hunters’ Podcast

Nico “accidentally” finds entertainment in recording the Sparda Family arguments as they talk about hunting; after all, they all share one braincell.

Ascended Monochrome

A white angel remains by the side of Nelo Angelo. Mundus was not pleased by the behavior of his second creation, from the human woman that he had picked up with the treacherous Son of Sparda. But he later discovered that by using her, he could keep Nelo Angelo complacent. Eventually, underestimating love will be his downfall.

Fall to Royalty

A story of where Vergil wins against Mundus the first time, and takes the throne of Hell. But what is he to do next? Eventually, ruling Hell seemed meaningless when there was no one by his side, so he goes to seek out the Lady Knight that he had vowed to never think of or go back to unless he had obtained the power he sought.

Doppelganger Woes

So, I heard Capcom retconned Gilver to be some sort of imitation created by Mundus. I’m all for this! And I’m going to DO something with this.

Side-Project: DMC Tarot List

I started on this maybe months ago; and I have a tentative list oh what characters go with what card and a few detailed descriptions. I think I should confer with

@harlot-of-oblivion

at some point about this, and anyone else interested in, well, Tarot stuff.

#devil may cry #fanfiction #Project Update

10 notes · View notes

bonjourmoncher · 5 years ago

Link

You can contact Hamilton Lindley by: Phone at 254-759-5866 Email at [email protected] And mail at 1020 N. University Parks Drive, Waco, TX 76706

After ten years in Dallas, Hamilton Lindley moved his family of five to the home of the Baylor Bears. Hamilton P Lindley realized the brainwashing of his daughter was complete after she believed that the Baylor Bear mascots hibernate only after “eating all them Longhorns.” If you have the desire to see too many photos of Hamilton Lindley’s family, you can find Hamilton Philip Lindley on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Instagram.

Let’s get straight to the point, shall we?

Busy people can be incredibly difficult to connect with.

You know the drill. You send an email, then you wait. And wait. And wait some more. You get no reply, so you try again. More of the same. Eventually, you give up.

If this sounds familiar, well, you’re not alone. Most men have struggled, at some point in their career, to try to connect with someone who is incredibly busy. Whether it’s a potential employer, a possible mentor, a dream client, or even just to connect with a girl so you can ask her out on a date, contacting a busy person can be very difficult.

Does that mean you give up? Heck no. Often, there is a good reason why busy people are so busy. Namely, it is because they are successful, and they’re successful because they are smart and well-connected and have access to resources or knowledge that might make all the difference in the world to you…if you can just break through.

But if you’re like most men, you’ve struggled with trying to figure out how to go about making that contact. How can you get the person’s attention? What should you say and how do you say it? Where do you even start? Should you follow-up if they ignore you? And new means of communication in the form of social media, Skype, text messaging, and blog commenting has made this issue even more confusing and challenging.

Throughout my career, I’ve tested just about every different approach for contacting busy people. I’ve also spent the past 2+ years reaching out to very busy entrepreneurs and authors to appear as guests on my podcast. I’ve tried techniques that work like a charm and other strategies that are guaranteed to bomb. Below, I include the best of what has worked for me.

Art of Manliness has previously covered how to write an email that will get a response. In this article, however, I want to share more of an overarching approach which can be (and often is) implemented using email, but which is also medium-agnostic. Email is what I’ve used the most and is still an effective vehicle. However, you should also consider other approaches such as face-to-face and social media where appropriate. To contact AoM’s reclusive McKays, you’ll even need to be willing to write a good old-fashioned letter! (Word is if they start getting too much snail mail to handle, they’re going to move to requiring messages by homing pigeon.)

Although it can feel like a daunting task trying to connect with a busy person, the rewards when you succeed can often be game-changing. You just have to be smart about how you make your first move.

Put Yourself in Their Shoes

At the outset, you must understand that busy people get hundreds, if not thousands, of requests for help, aide, or resources every week. Not surprisingly, a large portion of them look and sound exactly the same. “Can you help me?” “Can I pick your brain?” “I’ve got an awesome idea that I know you’re gonna love!”

Don’t kid yourself. You might think your request is incredibly original or immensely valuable to the busy person, but they’ve probably already heard it before (A new app that will make you more productive? NO WAY!) Naturally, they’re going to be a little apprehensive.

Before you even think about reaching out, you need to get your mindset right. Even if you have the best of intentions, and think your request is a relatively minor one, don’t expect an answer. By definition, “busy” people can’t possibly respond to every inquiry. They’re not being rude — they’re just prioritizing. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t be as successful as they are.

According to Steve Pavlina, author of Personal Development for Smart People, “If you can accept that busy people must triage in order to be effective and have a life, and you can respect them for setting priorities, you’ll have a much better shot at building a bridge with them.”

Here are 8 tips for contacting a busy person:

1. Try to Connect Before You Ask for Anything

The worst way of contacting a busy person is to ask them for something in your first attempt to connect with them. A much better approach is to reach out and contact the person long before you ever actually ask for anything.

One way to do this is via social media. Look for creative ways to quote, feature, or mention the busy person, by including them in a blog post or article you are writing, and then share it with them afterwards via social media. A single tweet might be all it takes to “grease the wheels” and get the conversation started.

Continue to build the relationship by doing things like sharing their content, promoting them, or simply sending relevant resources their way. To do this, you need to really get to know the busy person and understand what they are working on or could use help with. Be patient and allow the connection to grow organically before you jump in and start asking for favors. Don’t burn the bridge before you build it.

Another frequently overlooked option is to examine your existing network and see if you have any ties back to that person. A friend? Business associate? Anything that can be used to show commonality between you and the other person will help.

“Getting someone else to introduce you is one way to get someone’s attention,” says networking expert Lynne Waymon co-author of Make Your Contacts Count. “Find out who you both have in common and ask ‘Will you introduce me?’”

2. Keep Your Communications Brief

“Just a tip of advice. Never write on both sides of the sheet when you are sending a letter to a busy man.” –Jack London, Letter to Louis Stevens, March 24, 1913

Save your life story for another time. The shorter the message, the more likely you will get a reply. And the busier the person, the more important it is that you not waste their time.

First, always start your correspondence with a relevant subject line that’s clear and to the point. The recipient should be able to quickly tell why they would benefit from opening your message, how they know you, or ideally, both.

“Can you help me?” With what? Your business? Your math homework? There’s about as much value here as in a rubber crutch. You don’t have to be psychic to know that this one is headed straight for the oval file.

“Podcast Appearance to Promote Your New Book” is a much better subject line. By clearly stating what it is you want, and more importantly, how it will benefit the other person, you are much more likely to get your email opened.

Being brief also means excluding anything that isn’t necessary. It’s okay to open with a couple lines of pleasantries about your connection/affinity for the person. “I’m a big fan of what you do and I’ve been reading your magazine for five years now,” or “Seeing your TED talk made me decide to switch my major to biology.” A bit of praise will get your email off on the right start and build rapport. But keep your opening to no more than two sentences.

Keep the main body of your email as succinct as you can as well; aim to make your pitch in five sentences or less. You don’t need to attach your 100-page business plan or a dozen pictures of your prototype before you’ve explained what it is that you actually want. Remember, be respectful of a busy person’s time and wait for the green light before sending follow-up information, if they are open to it.

3. Do Your Research First and Ask Specific Questions

“I do detest being asked general advice, because, in reply, I must do one of two things: (1) Either write two or three books handling the replies or (2) damp the replies by giving only a few short sentences.

What I mean is, any time ask me for particular specific advice, and I shall be only too glad to place myself at your service.

Please remember that I write thousands of letters every year to unknown correspondents. And please remember, (1) that I do not like to write for a living…and that (2) therefore, when I have written all the books that I have written and upon which I work every day, that I am so tired of writing that I’d cut off my fingers and toes in order to avoid writing…

Anyway, please remember that you can call upon me any time for SPECIFIC PARTICULAR advice on any subject.” -Jack London, Letter to Cordie Ingram, April 9, 1913

When you reach out to a busy person, do so with very specific questions in mind. You may only get one shot at this, so you want the questions you ask to offer the most metaphorical bang for your buck; make them questions where you cannot find out the answers anywhere else, and for which you absolutely need the busy person’s unique perspective/connections/input.

So first research the answers to the list of questions you have in mind as rigorously as you can, and see what you can find out from easier-to-access sources. You need to show the busy person you’ve done your homework. Tim Ferriss, author of The 4-Hour Workweek, says “It’s amazing how many would-be mentees or beneficiaries ask busier people for answers Google could provide in 20 seconds.” In Ferriss’ words, “That puts you on the banned list.”

Not only should you do research before you reach out to a busy person, you should also try to get going on your project/business before you ask them for help. “Don’t ever ask a busy person to ‘pick their brain’ before you begin working on your project or idea,” says AoM’s own Brett McKay. “Instead, wait until it’s really underway, you’re in the thick of it, and you run into a specific problem.” Advice on starting something is typically plentiful and readily available. So save your “Phone-a-Friend” lifeline for when you’ve done all you can on your own and you’ve reached a wall you can’t figure out how to break through.

What specific question you should ask will vary depending on your situation, so it’s easier to explain what types of questions you should not ask. Typical examples of the types of generic questions you should not ask include:

I don’t know how to get started with ______. What would you recommend I do?

Do you think ____ would apply to my situation?

I’m confused about ______ and I’m not sure why I’m not getting it. Do you have any suggestions?

A better approach than these generic questions is to explain 2 or 3 specific options you are considering and ask for specific feedback on this discrete choice.

When you take this approach, you can “make use of your opportunity and ask better questions about specific topics rather than just peppering someone with general inquires,” says McKay. “The time you land with a busy person is valuable, so use it to ask the highest leverage questions you possibly can.”

4. Make Your Pitch Something to Which They Can Say Yes or No

If the question you have for a busy person regards whether or not they want to work with you on something, make your pitch as clear as possible. In other words, don’t ask an open-ended question like, “Would you like to partner with us somehow?” It’s not the busy person’s job to think of ways you two might team up. It’s your responsibility to come up with a specific proposal. A proposal a busy person can answer with a yes or a no.

5. Show Up in Person

Think for a minute about how many sales calls or how much junk mail you receive in a week. The majority of these items are deleted before they are ever opened. The multitude of requests busy people receive often suffer the same fate.

Now consider what you would do if the person making that same plea was standing right in front of you. Not quite so easy to ignore them now, is it?

Waymon says if there is a particular busy person you want to connect with, you should find out what groups or organizations they are part of and see how you can add value to those groups. Perhaps you can join a committee they are on or offer to help with something they’re passionate about.

“Studies show that it often takes 6 contacts with someone before they know who you are and have you placed in their mental Rolodex,” says Waymon. “So committee work and small group activities are good ways to create that continued contact.”

Being part of the same team can get your foot in the door, but you have to be ready when opportunity strikes. “Always have an agenda. Before the meeting think of three or four things you’d like to find out or know more about. Also, be ready to talk about three or four things you’re excited about — personally or professionally,” says Waymon. “Since people want to do business with people they trust, your overall goal is always to teach people to trust you.”

6. Keep Bringing Value

The chances of getting what you want become exponentially better when you offer something of value. A lot of people struggle with how to find something of “value” to offer, but really the options are limitless.

One of the best ways to provide value to a busy person is by helping them to promote their new book, project, business, or event. You can do this in a variety of ways:

Write an online review on Amazon, Yelp, or other review site.

Feature the busy person in an article on your blog or someone else’s blog.

Offer to introduce the busy person to someone relevant. But be sure to ask first.

Interview the person for your podcast, or if you don’t have a podcast, record a simple interview using a free service like FreeConferenceCall.com and upload it to your blog or SoundCloud (also free). Keep in mind that if your audience is very small, the busy person will likely make a cost benefit analysis and decide that the amount of promotion you can offer is less than the value of their limited time.

Create a Click to Tweet link explaining why you love the particular person’s work and share it with all your friends like this.

Even if you don’t have a blog or podcast, you can record a simple video with the webcam built into your laptop and upload it to YouTube, where millions of people will watch it before going back to watching videos of a cat playing the piano.

Bottom line: Find out what it is they need, or who they want to connect with, and make it happen.

7. Assert Yourself

When you make a request, not only is the message itself important, but so is the tone in which you present it. Michelle Lederman, author of The 11 Laws of Likability, talks about approaching the conversation from what she calls the “middle ground.” You should come off as “not passive, not aggressive, but assertive” says Lederman. Think confident, but not cocky. And definitely not meek.

Lederman also recommends going for the “convenient ask.” Make it as easy as possible for them to say yes to the request. For instance, give the busy person specific dates and times to choose from. Offer to meet them at the location of their choosing. Anything you can do to simplify the request can help.

Finally, Lederman recommends creating a sense of “scarcity.” Create a deadline for a blog post or article so that if the busy person wants to be included, they will need to respond by a particular date in order to make it happen. Having a deadline elicits more responses since these types of requests are harder to push off until later (which usually results in the busy person forgetting to come back to the request).

8. Follow Up (Within Reason)

Now, what do you do if you don’t get a reply? Should you follow up, and if so, how? “I think the secret to building meaningful relationships is following up,” says Jeff Goins, author of The Art of Work. But Goins cautions that you have to be careful how quickly or eagerly you follow up. “If you’re too aggressive, it can hurt you. But if you’re too lax, you can miss an opportunity.”

Goins says he will reach out once, then follow up a week later if he doesn’t have a response yet. If he still hasn’t heard back by then, he will “follow up after another week or two with a ‘hey if I don’t hear back from, I won’t bother you again’ email and then move on.” If Goins is really determined, he says he might try a completely different approach. “I may try another way to build trust with the person, like finding a way to meet them in person, but I won’t try the same way that failed before.”

Brett and Kate McKay have a similar suggestion. They say you should follow up once two weeks after sending the original email, and then 6 months later. “Sometimes the busy person will be in a different phase or season of busyness where their circumstances have changed and they’ll be more receptive to the reach out,” says Brett.

If you want to follow up after a week or two, you can use this script:

Hey George, I just wanted to follow up on my prior email once, in case my previous email got lost in your inbox.

If you aren’t interested, I won’t take offense. If you are interested, let me know. I will send one courtesy follow-up after this email in case the timing right now does not work for you.

-John

By indicating in your message that you are just following up as a courtesy and that the busy person need not respond if they truly are not interested, you are respectful of their time while also balancing the possibility that they really didn’t see your email the prior time around.

Start Contacting Busy People

Remember: busy people aren’t selfish and inconsiderate; I’ve actually found the opposite to be true — that some of the busiest people are actually the most giving types of people. But they also want to be efficient with their time. Remember that the time they give to you is time they sacrifice from working on their own businesses or spending time with their families. So contact them in a way that respects this reality and impinges on their schedule as lightly as possible.

While the entire process may sound intimidating and overly complex, you shouldn’t be intimidated. Like any challenge, connecting with busy people is a skill that you can develop over time. And it’s worth the effort.

“Don’t underestimate your value to someone else,” says Lederman. “There are so many things you can bring to the table that you don’t realize. A little bit of legwork goes a long way.”

50 notes · View notes

myrelationshipwithanarcissist · 5 years ago

Text

I met my partner 9 years ago at a New Year’s Eve party. We didn’t speak too much that night, but myself and my friend that were at the party we’re friends with two of the guys that he hung around with. Somehow I ended up with his number and we started texting a lot. He picked myself and my friend up a few times (he lived 45 minutes away) and we stayed down his area at his friends, went McDonald’s etc. We got on really well and of course it was flirty, but nothing in particular happened. I always remember being on the bus texting him and he told me he’d give me a baby. But things between us went quiet, I can’t remember why. Looking back on it I assume it’s just because he had a girlfriend (which I didn’t know at the time) and she probably saw the messages between us. Either way, we stopped talking. Two months later I had met someone else and got into a relationship with them. I won’t go into much detail, but the guy was an absolute arsehole (I seem to attract them. Probably due to my own arsehole of a father). I ended up falling pregnant at 17, and as typical story goes, he cheated, then ditched us. Throughout the years he came in and out as he pleased and we had a very toxic relationship (even though we weren’t together). In 2016 he left for good and we haven’t seen him since (other than the odd times I’ve seen him in public but we haven’t spoken). Since then he’s got married and had another kid (although also recently ditched that woman as well, no idea about the kid. If you’re wondering how i know this when we have no contact, it’s because I’m extremely close with his mum and my kid sees her regularly and his mum has nothing to do with him, but knows through her own mum who he is now living with. It’s complicated, I know.) this information is relevant because of certain behaviours and comments from my partner. Anyway, back to my current partner. Throughout the years we would end up messaging again. There would be flirting and just general talk. We’d always discuss meeting up but it would never happen, as he was still in another city at uni and when he came home he was in a relationship with someone else. He would also make sexual jokes to me sometimes, and out of awkwardness of not killing the conversation, I’d go along with it in a jokey way, but make it clear that obviously it wasn’t going to happen. He never pushed it majorly, but would make ‘jokes’ that we’d have to have meaningless sex at least once, because apparently our sex would be incredible.

(Every time I press enter it leaves a massive gap for some reason?!)

About three and a half years ago I was in a sort of relationship with this other guy. Nothing serious. More friends than anything that just hung out a lot. But we went to the cinema to watch the film ‘why him’ .. (the irony of it still makes me laugh) when I ended up seeing my current partner there with one of his friends. My face lit up seeing him because we’d always gotten on really well and I said hey and I think I gave him a cuddle I’m not sure? (This will come up in a future argument). When I was back at home I messaged him saying it was great seeing him, hope he was okay etc. It’s important to add that the messages were not flirty, and I did not invite him to come over or plan anything that would be considered inappropriate.

I’ve just realised it’s very important I add this in. When my daughter was two, I ended up moving into my own place with her. During that time I spent every evening alone as she was always in bed by 7. I became very comfortable with myself as a person, and my own company. I became someone that wouldn’t take shit from guys - other than my daughters father unfortunately, I was still a mug for him and would go running back every time he showed his face as I was desperate for my daughter to have a father I never had - and I honestly just had no interest in being with anyone. Sure I innocently flirted, and sometimes guys thought I was flirting purely because I was able to be myself and joke and laugh with them when flirting was the last thing on my mind. But I always made it clear I had no interest in anything. Not casual sex, not a relationship. Most of the time I couldn’t even commit to texting people regularly because I just preferred keeping to myself. I also knew that if my ex would come back, I’d go running to him, so I never wanted to get in a relationship with someone when I knew i was still a mug for my ex. But I genuinely couldn’t go more than a few days of talking to people consistently, it drained me. And I got fed up with guys seeing me as a challenge because I would tell them I wasn’t interested in anything, yet they thought they could change it. I was fed up with people creating this idea of me in their head and falling for that, rather than actually getting to know me for who I really was. For once I just wanted someone to actually take the time to get to know me for me, and want me for me. Not the idea of me that they’ve created. My depression also got pretty bad during this time and I struggled to find motivation to do anything and spent a lot of time in bed. This will also come up later.

A few months after seeing him at the cinema, we were both single. He’d sent me a video on Facebook and we got talking, and he mentioned how the last time we had spoken, I’d just stopped out of nowhere so he asked me what my deal was and I just explained, like I have above. He seemed pretty cool and understanding about it. The conversation continued and somehow we ended up arranging going out for drinks together. The night came and it was okay. We got on easily and had some laughs and made some jokes. In the car home we got talking about nudes or something, and I showed him a picture of me in my underwear. I did this because I hated my body, so when I got photos where it looked good, I liked to show it off a little to make me feel better about myself based on their reactions, and to obviously come off more confident than what I was. But nothing happened, and I went home to relieve my mum of baby sitting duties. The next day I was in town with my mum, and he kept texting me, but due to obviously being out and busy and my mum having a go at me for being rude every time I went on my phone, I wasn’t as into the conversation. This caused him to become insecure and arsy with me even though I explained that I was out with my mum, but he thought I was making up excuses and just didn’t want to text him, and in my head I was like oh fuck this, this is way too much energy and hassle. So I ended up ghosting him. I still had him on social media, I just didn’t text him back etc. I mean honestly his reaction there should’ve been enough of a red flag for me to stay the hell away.

Alas, a year came and went. During that time we had odd conversations as we had similar interests. Then I found myself craving social interaction, which is very rare to me. I think something had been said between us recently and I started to think about him, so I put out a snapchat story set so only he could see it, basically saying I was bored. He messaged me. We started chatting. He bought up me ghosting him. I explained that there was just too much expectation for something more and it caused me to close up. I wasn’t ready for something like that at that point of my life. I told him i just wanted to be friends, to build up a proper close friendship so we really knew each other before jumping in blindly. He was understanding. He said well let’s hang out as friends then. I was more than down with that. He came over one night. We chilled and we chatted. He was respectful, he didn’t try anything and we got on really well. He came and chilled the next night. Same again. He then showed an interest in meeting my daughter and since we were just friends, I was cool with it.

Now because of the whole issue with my daughters dad, she is very wary of men. It takes a lot for her to talk to them. And even then she does not trust them, she does not like being touched by them (no, she was not sexually abused; she would just see that due to my anxiety I did not like to be touched, and unfortunately that rubbed off on her). Like she would never admit that she loved or even liked a man, even when it’s clear she did.

He came over, gave her a peace offering of a hagrid pop figure. She started to come out of her shell. They quickly clicked and bonded over pokemon. She adored him. He was incredible with her. Understanding, respectful, playful, patient. He’d play with her and he had a great imagination. They pretty much fell in love with each other. (She was 6 at this time) And obviously my kid is the key to my heart. Win her over and treat her amazingly and that’s it, I’m yours. So things became more relationship orientated than friendship. In my head I was like, well I’ve known this guy for years, we get on really well and we have loads in common. I’m myself around him and he seems to like that. I made it clear though that it was to go very slow, I didn’t want him staying over, I didn’t want to have sex with him until I knew things were serious and we’d lasted a few months. He told me he understood and he was fine with it, although he would make sexual jokes.

After his second time of seeing my daughter, after she had gone to bed, we were sat on opposite ends of the sofa like always. Then he asked if he could have a cuddle. I obliged even though I felt anxious about being touched at first. But for some reason I felt comfortable once we’d settled into a cuddle. Like it felt right. He then kissed me. I was disappointed. Not because it was a rubbish kiss, it wasn’t. But I had wanted a build up. All the tension of taking things slow but really wanting to kiss until suddenly it’s the perfect moment and BAM, fireworks and romance - which he knew. (I read a lot of books and had very high expectations of relationships and love) and that didn’t happen, but I rationalised that this was real life and it doesn’t always go how we planned. This was my first stupid compromise. Of course it wasn’t long until he started getting extremely intense with the kissing, and of course began thinking with his dick like all men do. But I was adamant and kept saying no, so he stopped, but would try every night. Getting more and more insistent and pushing boundaries. Huge red flag. Should’ve paid more attention. But I was too blinded by his relationship with my daughter and how comfortable and easy things were with him. Eventually I just gave in because I stupidly ended up feeling bad for repeatedly saying no. Stupid compromise number two that I will always regret. There was no meaning behind it. I didn’t feel any particular passion. It certainly wasn’t what I expected or wanted. I mean for god sake, it was a quickie on the sofa. I was fuming with myself. And yet I should’ve been fuming with him. Already, this strong independent woman I had spent years carefully building was just falling apart.

The next thing was staying over. He still lived 45 minutes away and he started complaining about how much petrol he was using and all his miles. He started to guilt trip me and make me feel bad. I tried saying that it was too fast and would be confusing for Gracie-mae. But he still continued to make me feel bad. Saying how it would only be on the weekend, so that he could spend more time with us. I gave in. Compromise number 3. It wasn’t long until he’d moved in half of his stuff and rarely went home. I couldn’t ask for space because he would get all insecure when I would even so much as mention about having time alone. Why wouldn’t I want to spend time with him after all? I mean he wants to spend every minute with me, and every minute that we weren’t together due to work, we had to be texting. And if I wanted space it must mean that I don’t care about him the way he does me. Although at this point he wasn’t as blatant and obvious as this. That was like month 2/3 that he started saying his toxic shit straight (which shows that people really do show their true colours after 3 months because they can’t keep up with the charade). So I didn’t get time alone. I didn’t even get to spend proper time with my daughter without having to be on my phone texting him. Another thing I hate myself for.

I can’t remember much other details about the first few months except a few occasions. I remember vaguely that I had said about the whole space thing because I was overwhelmed with constantly being around him as I was used to having my own space, and he got distant and got his stuff and left. He then texted me saying he didn’t think he could do this, the whole kid thing was a lot to take on etc. He also started a guilt trip of saying that he felt like he’d thrown himself into this relationship and felt stupid for doing so because I hadn’t done it back - because I wanted alone time. Actually; I’ve looked at screenshots and one of my messages say ‘is this all because I won’t let you stay over and have sex with you’. So yeah. Of course I was completely blinded at this point and the thought of losing someone I was so comfortable with, and who was so amazing with my daughter was just not something I wanted to accept. Looking back on it I should’ve just let him leave because my reaction then set an expectation for him. He liked having me beg and fight for him. Huge red flag. Another argument was when we’d gone to the beach one day with my mum and sister and her kids. He wanted to stay at mine when we were back but I was like no not tonight, I’ve got work tomorrow etc. He threw a massive tantrum. Can’t remember the specifics. But then he sent me a guilt tripping message saying “I just want you to know that every moment I don’t get to be with you I feel is wasted. So I was so pissed off that I couldn’t stay with you last night. I absolutely adore the ground you walk on and I can’t get enough of everything about you” seems like a pretty cute and romantic message right? I thought so too. But when someone is using that as an excuse for why they’ve got pissed off and taken it out on you, it’s a massive red flag. Another time, my mum came over to help sort out my garden (she’s a career and so constantly working and whenever she’s not at work she always helps myself and my sister out off her own back. The most giving and selfless person ever). And my partner was over, yet he refused to do anything to help us out. Literally nothing. He just went upstairs to go on his ps4. (At this point I would just like to point out that he was 28 at the time). Now yes; he had just had a massive back tattoo done, so I dismissed it and was understanding. But he didn’t try to use that as an excuse at first. No. His first response was that this wasn’t his house (even though he’d pretty much moved in), so why should he spend his valuable time digging up my garden? Yup. This is coming from a guy that constantly spouts shit about being kind to everyone, believes in karma, the universe, agrees with Buddhism and has “warm heart & kind soul” in his bio. Funny that.

Then the jealousy started to come to light. Not just jealousy though. Extreme trust issues. To make it worse, my sexuality is very fluid. I personally could date anyone if I found them attractive and got on with them and enjoyed their company. Male, female, penis, vagina etc. Didn’t bother me. But then I would go through phases where I just didn’t find anyone attractive, mentally or physically. The thought of a romantic and sexual relationship was a huge no to me. But just the fact that I didn’t care about gender was a huge thing for him. It meant he had more than just men to be worried about apparently. Even though I had explained to him that I didn’t go out my way to fuck and date people when I was single, so why on earth would I suddenly start doing it now I’m in a relationship? But it didn’t matter to him. I couldn’t be trusted. Why? Because of my reaction to seeing him when I went to the cinema. A loyal person shouldn’t be that excited to see another guy. Even though I never flirted or tried to get him to come over. Another reason? Because me and my best friend are extremely close, she send half nudes to me so I can say whether they’re good or not, we frequently tell each other we love each other and we peck each other hello and goodbye. He generally didn’t like our relationship. Even though I’ve known her since I was 10. Even though she’s straighter than uncooked spaghetti. Even though I was in a committed relationship to him. Another reason? I’m too friendly and other people might think I’m flirting with them. Honestly I can’t even think of all the reasons. But apparently I come across as a very untrustworthy person. Despite the fact that he was the one liking half naked pictures of girls and general girls selfies over Instagram and other social media. But obviously I was untrustworthy. I work with children, he’d get funny about the dads that would come to pick up. He started to get funny about me making myself look pretty, because who am I trying to look good for? There’s obviously someone. He would constantly look at my phone when I was on it. He’d always ask who I was messaging. He would think that anytime I wouldn’t have him stay over, it’s because I had someone else over. If I went out without him, he’d want to know if I’d bumped into anyone. I saw his friends in town once and he asked how I looked and what was said, then called me a liar because I didn’t give him every detail of the interaction. He was on a stag do, drunk in some foreign country at a pub, and yet he accused me of being a slut and having someone over, because apparently I sounded sexy on the phone. He wanted me to send him a Snapchat of my bedroom to prove that I was alone, then lost his temper when i refused out of principle. Just a whole lot of jealousy and distrust.

As time went on, arguments became intense and verbally abusive. As someone who lived alone for a very long time I became very intolerant to pointless arguments, I couldn’t be bothered. Just give each other space to calm down then move on. But he couldn’t do that. He needed to get it out in the open there and then, then sort it out. But I just wanted to be left alone. He didn’t like that. He thought I was closing myself off and being distant. He didn’t understand that that was how I dealt with things. So he started to say extremely horrible and nasty things to try and get reactions out of me. Sometimes it would work. He would say about my parenting, call me a shit mum and make digs about how I couldn’t even get out of bed for her once and I just used to sleep all the time. He’d bring up my ex and make digs about him and say he understood why he left, I clearly drove him away etc. He’d make digs at my appearance. Even my family at times. He’d throw in my face that my daughter wasn’t his. Sometimes I’d react, sometimes I wouldn’t. He was then start saying ‘well just break up with me then, kick me out’ etc etc. So each time I’d get up and start to pack his stuff, to whilst he would immediately break down in tears, apologise and beg me not to do this. Sometimes he would even refuse to leave and instead tell me to ring the police. He would steal my phone from me and my favourite teddy that ive had since I was a baby to try and get a reaction. He would honestly just become this completely different person. But he’d beg and beg when he’d seen that he’d push me too far. And I would give in because he wouldn’t leave and I just wanted to sleep because I had work the next morning. It was a lot of late nights. Only for him to pull the same shit over dumb shit I don’t even remember the next night. At one point he even told me that he just wanted to fuck me up mentally and emotionally. I had so many screenshots, but he guilt tripped me into deleting them all, which I regret to this day. The things he said were vile. But it wasn’t always shit, we had pretty great times too. Then it would be like a week or two where everything would kick off. But it became this thing where I had to be so careful with everything I’d say or do just incase it triggered him. I had to make up silly little lies about the dumbest shit to avoid an argument. He’d literally try and trap me to cause an argument and kick off. Like with sex. Oh my fucking god. I won’t get started on that yet.

Back to the jealousy though. We ended up going on holiday just the three of us. And obviously you get entertainers on holiday. There were two specific guys though. One was quite small, but very muscular and a lot of the ladies liked him. The other was flamboyantly gay and I found him fascinating to watch. And obviously they worked together. They were in shows together. So when we watched them, if I watched too intently, he would accuse me of having a thing for the smaller guy, and would say I was trying to catch his attention to flirt with him. Even though I’d never said a word to him. Even though it was the gay guy I was watching. But that would cause arguments. He’d storm off.

But in November 2018 I’d finally had enough. We had been arguing loads over the fact that he was extremely jealous yet he’d constantly like other girls photos. And he would purposely do it to trigger me because he knew I’d see it. And there was this one specific girl he would use because I had a past with her where she tried it on with an ex of mine years back when we were together. And at the same party. We’d gone to the cinema to watch the fantastic beasts film. As we were waiting he was on his phone and went on Facebook where he’d suddenly got a notification saying this girl had accepted his friend request and I snapped. I told him I was done. When we got home I packed all his shit and made him leave. And he did. We didn’t speak for a week and during that time I felt so much better. I was happier, I had more patience for my daughter because I wasn’t constantly stressed and tired from arguing with him. I ended up bumping into an old male friend during that week whilst I was in town. He added me on Snapchat. It just so happens that yes I had slept with him previously, but we had also been very good friends until he’d turned into a sleazy fuck boy. He kept trying to get me to fuck him and i was adamant that I had no interest in it. But of course it was all on snapchat so I had no proof of this. Anyway; during the week that we had broken up, my partner had gone away. We had no contact. When he came back i received a message from him saying that I was right, he needed help and he’d booked intensive sessions with a therapist who specialised in anxiety and anger issues. I was still angry and hurt by him, so I had no interest. But it was shortly after that it was my daughters birthday and he’d messaged me asking if he could drop off presents that he had bought her. Stupidly I said yes. He came over when she was in bed as he said he couldn’t cope with seeing her yet. But then we got talking, he told me about his new therapist etc etc. As he was about to leave, he kissed me. I kissed him back. Which was so fucking stupid, because in my head I knew I was better off without him.

We started talking again. But he wanted me to chase him to feel better about himself. So he’d say that we couldn’t get back together. Our families would go mad. We couldn’t get back together because I’d said before hand that I wouldn’t touch him with a barge pole and I was happier without him. Basically just making me want him. For some dumb reason it worked. We got back together. He was seeing his therapist. She was doing hypnotherapy on him. It seemed to have gotten better. He’d had the odd loss of control on his temper, but he mastered it pretty quickly. But he would tell me stuff his therapist said and I’d find it odd. Apparently she diagnosed ME with a split personality. She seemed to be very victim blaming. And a small voice in my head said it was clearly because of shit he was saying to her, but I ignored that voice because after all, he was getting help and things were better. And one of the times he lost his temper was because I’d told him about seeing my friend, and he obviously got extremely paranoid about it and I was stupidly honest. But of course he didn’t believe that I’d rejected his offer. It kicked off a lot of arguments, but he got his way as always, and I deleted the guy off of my snapchat. He also stopped staying over as much, but I could never tell him how much I enjoyed my alone time because then he’d get offended.

When we had broken up, I stopped taking the pill because it was giving me low mood, and I wasn’t having sex anymore so I didn’t see the point. Obviously when we got back together we started to be extremely careful because I was adamant that I didn’t want to go back onto it. I didn’t want to sink back into that depression. I was tracking my periods and ovulation and things were going well. Now I would just like to add that throughout our entire relationship he has frequently told me to stop taking the pill without telling him so that I’d fall pregnant. But he didn’t want to know because he wasn’t ready, but he did want a baby with me. He was scared, but he wanted it, but wasn’t ready yet. But anyway, it got to about April time and by boobs started to become very tender. I told him this and he said I was pregnant. I was like nooo I’m not. But I was. And although it was the dumbest thing I ever could’ve let happen, I wouldn’t change it for the world and it was clearly meant to be. He freaked out at first. Badly. I told him that if he didn’t want to be apart of the babies life I would understand. But we figured it out and made it work. Arguments would happen because I expected him to be a lot happier and enthusiastic about it, however he argued that because he had bought his own house now, and given the lack of stability in our relationship and our parents opinions on our relationship, it was hard for him to get excited. As my pregnancy went on, his verbal, mental and emotional abusive tendencies came back. I have lots and lots of screenshots of messages he would send me. They were horrific. He’d comment on my parenting, would specifically stress me out by arguing with me and then claim I was a horrible parent because I was causing our baby stress. He threatened to go full custody on more than one occasion, he also threatened to have nothing to do with the baby on more than one occasion. He would constantly threaten to end the relationship when he would get his own way, then refuse to leave. Then he’d tell me to pack his stuff. Then he’d start begging me to forgive him. He’d accuse me of cheating. Whilst I was pregnant with his baby. He told me he wanted a DNA test because he didn’t believe it was his. He would say absolutely horrible stuff to me, then when I’d be like I’m done texting you, fuck you, fuck off etc, he’d be like oh how nice of you. Even though he’d spent the last 10 minutes calling me an idiot, cunt, slut, shit mum etc etc. He’d cause an argument, push me to my limits, threaten to break up with me then be like ‘am I coming over tonight?’ As if he hadn’t spent the last few texts calling me every name he could think of. He’d be so angry, then he’d calm down and expect me to just forgive him, then when I didn’t he’d go straight back to being angry and abusive. Rinse and repeat. Told me I was making him look like a cunt. That I was malicious and I didn’t give a shit about him. Would tell me to either ‘grow up and end it or be a doormat. To pick it and life with it’ he’d said that me getting in certain types of moods (not wanting to arguing and telling him I wasn’t going to text him) that he thinks I’m capable of anything and that’s why he wanted a dna test. He’d say ‘tbf I’ll just turn up and do what I want, so see you later doormat’. He would make comments hinting that he was going to cheat on me to get a reaction. Oh!! And also; whenever we would break up he woud start messaging other girls for attention, then delete them when we’d get back together because he wouldn’t want me to take something the wrong way and it to cause an argument. Like I genuinely have a gut feeling that he hasn’t cheated on me, but I’m not dumb enough to believe he didn’t flirt like crazy with other people. At one point he tried messaging my sister to blame me for why he wasn’t at my nephews birthday party and legit tried to turn her against me.

And then he started to get physical with me. He’s never hit me. Not yet. He knows that that really is pushing the boundaries and I would straight up leave him and he’d never see me or the kids again. But one night I wasn’t looking at him like he wanted me too during an argument, so he grabbed my arm extremely tight with one hand, and my face with the other, also very tight, to make me look at him. He did the same thing a few nights later. I was heavily pregnant at the time. Another time during the argument I wouldn’t let him upstairs and he said to me ‘if you don’t move I’m going to get physical with you.’ Like straight up threatened me whilst I was heavily pregnant with his kid. I honestly don’t think it’ll be much longer until he does hit me.

There is still so much to write that I am missing, and I’m still not caught up to the current time and place. But it’s 10:50 and I have the school run to do. So I will continue this tomorrow. Goodnight.

#toxic #toxic love #toxic behavior #toxicity #toxic relationship #narcissist relationshio #narcissist #narcism #abusive relationship #emotional abuse #mentally and emotionally abusive relationship #mental abuse #jealousy #jealous #trust issues #manipulation #manipulative #manipulators

1 note · View note

purple-heart-attack · 6 years ago

Text

I’m gonna just go out on a limb here and say that the track list for Map of the Soul Persona is a hint of how the BTS Universe will end. 1/2

It’s April 10, 2019 and I just watched the Boy with Luv teaser #2 earlier this afternoon.

If I’m right about this, this’ll be the last time Jin will go back in time. I’m just going off of what I know, the Persona trailer, the WEBTOON and also the Boy With Luv teasers.

To be specific, the original order of the track list is not the correct way of how the rest of the story would be told. Rather, the order of the tracks will depend on the length of each track.

We’ll go from this order

To this order

The first track and video of Persona talks about Namjoon’s past and how he grew from then. I’m convinced that Jin will be re-evaluating his past jumps and also will find a way to save the boys. In the Persona video you’ll see the words Dream. Love. Happiness. Keep this in mind for later. This is also another hint that the first person Jin will find is Namjoon.

One of Jungs beliefs is that a dream can be a way to see what we really want and can also provide some clarity of ones self. He incorporated this in his practice and had his patients keep a dream journal that they would analyze the content of those dreams. He was able to help most of his patients with their underlying issues with this technique.

In the WEBTOON we see Taehyung being able to find Jin just from one of his dreams. The last update of the WEBTOON shows Taehyung having dreams of all the other boys. With Taehyung being able to find Jin I believe they will be able to find Yoongi, the person Jin was unable to track down on his own. I’ll get back to this in a bit.

The next track ‘Make It Right’ is why I believe this is the last time Jin will be going back in time. In the last chapter of the WEBTOON we see Jin just about to give up on saving them. Until he sees the 6 petals, falling from up above and gives it one last chance to save them.

The third track is Mikrokosmos. Mikrokosmos is a series of six volume piano compositions created by Béla Bartok and was designed for the musical instruction of his son Peter. This will be when things will go down and when Jin makes his last jump in time. His last chance to play the score.

The next track is ‘Jamais Vu’ which is the opposite of Deja Vu. The person that experiences this is under the impression of seeing a situation for the first time, even though they know deep down they have been in that situation before. This phenomenon can be associated with epilepsy. People who happen to experience this phenomen may also experience depersonalization (feeling of detachment of oneself) or derealization (surroundings may appear unreal). This person may also feel a large amount of fear or anxiety which can cause seizures. Does this sound like anyone to you? If not, it’s Jimin. The reason why this is the fourth track is because I believe Jimin will be the fourth to be saved.

Next track, Boy With Luv, I believe will hold the order in which Jin will rescue the boys.

This is the fun part. I mentioned earlier about the three words Dream, Love and Happiness. Well, here’s where Love falls into place. From the second teaser, you’ll see the boys showing up in all white starting with Jin. After watching the second teaser of BWL this

When you look closely at how everyone is placed right at this moment, I believe the boys that the order of them being saved is relevant to who is the closest and farthest from Jin, more specifically the placement of their right foot.

I believe Jin will be saving the boys in this order:

Namjoon

Taehyung

Yoongi

Jimin

Hoseok

Jungkook

I know some of you would think that Taehyung would be the first person Jin would save and I thought so too at first. That is until I paid more attention to the second teaser and saw Namjoon in this

Although, Taehyung is a crucial part of finding the boys, in the WEBTOON we saw what happens when Jin tried to save Taehyung first. I believe this picture right here is a giant hint. You see I was wondering why Namjoon was the only one wearing a hat. He also draws attention to the hat as you can see above. Well I looked up what it could mean and this is what I got

What I’m trying to say is Jin will be needing Namjoon’s help in saving Taehyung. With Namjoon knowing a little bit of what is Taehyung going through, he would better assist Jin. These three will have to find Yoongi.

Not to sure how this will go down but for my sake just go with it. Taehyung’s dream of Yoongi will be a big indicator of where his location is along with Namjoon and Jin’s assistance of deciphering said dream. The four will then go to the hospital where Jimin and Hoseok are.

Some people might ask why not Hoseok first, instead of Jimin. Let me take you back to the photo up right before my list. Jimin is closer to Jin than Hoseok. I know that’s a weak explanation, solet’s take a look at the first BWL teaser.

We see Halsey rushing out of the ticket booth as if she’s in a hurry and stops to look at the boys.

People have already theorized that she would be a representation of Jimin’s anima due to their matching hair color and I whole heartedly believe that. Since she is rushing out of this scene before stopping and looking at Jimin, it may also show that Jimin is running out of time.

Jimin will be the next person to be saved then it will be Hoseok. We also have this poster of Singing in the Rainthat’s in both teasers

If you look at the color scheme of the umbrellas on the poster you would recognize as the order Yoongi, Jimin and Hoseok appear in the second teaser

After rescuing both Jimin and Hoseok from the hospital, we have last but not least Jungkook. Now we all know that Jungkook dies from jumping off a roof and that’s exactly where the others find him.

There will be a part two I will post in just a bit.

#bts #jungkook #jhope #rm #suga #jimin #v #jin #map of the soul #map of the soul persona #persona #bts theories #bts theory

41 notes · View notes

liamsmithphotography · 5 years ago

Text

How to choose a wedding photographer

liam smith photography

Top tips on how to choose your wedding photographer

Know your fine art from your reportage

Look at lots of complete weddings, not just portfolios

Meet in person

Make sure you like them!

Understand what's included in each package

It's an age old question, how do you choose a wedding photographer...this is a long one, let's start with some LOL's...

Understanding the different terminology used when describing wedding photography style is integral to narrowing down your searches. I spent hours trying to define my own style. My work is fun, and it's also documentary. Wait... I've got it. 'Funcumentary' Don't you love a good portmanteau? Blend two styles of photography to invent a brand new one, how about, fine art and documentary? "fineocumentary" or "docart". Liam Smith – best docart photographer in the world (n.b, Liam is the only docart photographer in the world and wins by default) To answer my own question, how do you choose a wedding photographer? The answer is choose me...I'm obviously hilarious.

What are these stupid words I keep reading, what styles are there? What do these words mean? I believe in creating great images. I've read endless blog posts and magazine articles trying to define what a photography style is and what it means. In my years of experience I have found that there are essentially two types; posed and unposed. Unposed can be referred to as candid, photojournalistic or documentary, essentially they are the same thing; capturing people unawares. Counter to this there are posed images; fine art or traditional. These images are orchestrated and the photographer is in complete control of the outcome. So who cares? It's easy for people within the wedding industry to forget that there is a world outside it. Phrases are coined and banded about and then thrown at the customer expecting them to know what they mean. If I question these terms objectively, fine art sounds like each image is going to take as long as a painting and photojournalism sounds like my wedding is going to be photographed like a war-zone. This is of course me being dramatic, but I hope you can see my point. Documentary/Photojournalism/Candid Documentary wedding photography (sometimes called photojournalism) refers to capturing natural moments, no staging or posing. The intention is to provide the couple with a narrative of the day, it doesn’t matter what happens on the day, your photographer will record it. Grandma falls over; click. Grooms scrunched up crying face; click. This is the real stuff. Pure emotions. No pretending. Great documentary photographers are masters of composition. Patiently waiting to create artwork out of serendipitous moments. Timing is everything. You have to be in the mix, switched on and up close and personal with people. Documentary photographers will also take couple portraits and group pictures. I've written in more detail about documentary wedding photography here Here's an example of being in the moment. Documenting events as they happen.

Fine art Fine art wedding photography focuses on recording your day in the most beautiful and elegant way possible. Lots of bright colours, clean whites, couple portraits and details. Stunning pictures that would look amazing on the mantelpiece or in an album. Fine art wedding photographers are masters of light and styling. Being able to find soft, even light is a must and a keen eye to arrange details to capture that editorial feel is a sure sign of a good fine art photographer. The main man of the fine art world is Jose Villa, his work is exceptional, “For me, it is all about making something beautiful, even if I have to insert myself into the situation. Ultimately, my goal is to craft vibrant, energetic, fine art images that are as unique as the people in the photographs.”

N.B Fine art wedding photographers often take photographs using old school film - expect their fees to be considerably higher if they do. Takeaway/What to Google Documentary/Photojournalism/Candid wedding photography – beautiful images, story telling, documenting not posing, people focused. Fine art wedding photography – beautiful images, posing where necessary, lots of details.

Should I meet my wedding photographer before booking? In short. Yes. For me, this is the second most important factor after the images themselves when deciding on who should photograph your wedding. I always say at client meetings that they have to like me. How much you can like someone in an hours meeting may sound silly, but your gut instinct is rarely wrong. If the vibe isn't right, go with someone else. In order for you to relax, you need to like the person who will be spending the day with you. Of course they won't be partying and socialising, but if you don't feel like you trust them, then ultimately you won't relax, they won't get the pictures you want and everybody loses. Knowing when it's not a right fit is an integral part of the process. A wedding is a collaboration, you have to be able to work together. Even if you choose a documentary wedding photographer who won't be posing you, you still need to trust them. There may be a moment happening right in front of you and the photographer nowhere to be seen. If you can't trust that they are off somewhere else capturing an equally important picture, then you won't relax and you won't enjoy your day to it's fullest. Meet them. It's one of the best investments you'll make in your wedding.

What defines a good photographer? This is also tricky as it is so subjective. Awards are difficult to judge a photographer by as some are more valuable than others. Certain awarding bodies use client feedback to judge the photographers quality of images and service. Others prioritise certain styles, so it's worth investigating whether or not the wedding photography award has come from a relevant and established source. Who are these sources? WPJA, Fearless Photographers, Masters of Wedding Photography. Directories have their own awards, but only award to those who advertise with them. 'Top 50' round up posts are a technique used to get links to websites. Some photography bodies give you an award for submitting which means you can then call yourself 'award winning'. I have won an MoWP award, of which I am immensely proud. If I were to pin such a big decision on a question or statement, it would come down to this; when you look at their work, do you feel something? Great images move people. They stir something in the soul. Whether laughter or tears, if you can feel a connection to the images, and the people within them without even knowing them, then it's a great picture and you've found yourself a great photographer.

Look at the blog in serious detail Portfolios are there to give you a wow. The blog is there to tell you the whole story. A portfolio could be made up from 100 or more weddings. A blog is one day. Even if a photographer only blogs the most insane weddings it will still show you what they delivered to the client. If you are happy with that then add them to your shortlist. Important frequently asked questions and top tips A few thoughts and important questions to consider when trying to choose a wedding photographer. How much should I budget? This is of course dependent on your personal circumstance, no one should ever consider stretching themselves financially for the sake of a wedding. I love weddings, I think they're truly magical. But life is long, your family grows and develops, magical moments happen on multiple occasions. Whether it's a wedding day, the birth of a child or buying your first house and rolling around on the carpets, life is full of joy, pay what you can afford. Between £1000 and £2000 is realistic for someone who is good. “Define good” some may cry. Well that's subjective, and I can't. You have to use your judgement on this one and trust your gut. An iMac with the same spec laptop that I'm currently typing on would be one thousand pounds more expensive. Some products are more expensive because of their quality, some are based upon branding. Look at the photographers portfolio and then examine their blog posts in detail. Only then will you be able to gauge what a full days wedding looks like and then make a judgement on call on whether that represents good value. Do I need two photographers? If you love documentary wedding photography, consider this; with a single photographer shooting in a photo-journalistic style, there is no guarantee that all of your guests will be captured in an image. Does this bother you? Maybe it doesn't. Keep in mind that the photographer won't know how your most treasured guests are. A second photographer can be a valuable asset as although it goes against my documentary ideology, the second photographer could arrange formal photographs to make sure that your most important persons are photographed in some capacity. If you're a purist like me then ignore that bit, I like to give both sides of the coin. If your budget will allow it aim for two, more pictures is never a bad thing. Note, this is likely to push your costs up to the £2-3k mark. How many hours coverage do I need? When whittling down the shortlist, working out how exactly how many hours you need might save you money. Magazines for some reason say from bridal prep to the first dance. WHICH I HATE. Many couples don't have a first dance. And what if you don't want photographs taken in the morning? Ten to twelve hours should be about right for the vast majority of people. I always say to clients the best way to judge this is based upon the general vibes of the day. If you know that your crew is going to rave until the early AM, then twelve hours might be a good idea to make sure you capture all the madness. In my experience, ten hours is usually plenty. It gives you approximately an hour and a half of getting ready and another hour or so of the evening dancing. What's included?/what do I need in a package? One photographer, ten hours, £1000-£2000 is the average cost in the UK. With that in mind, ignore books in the first instance - you can always buy one later. I always recommend to clients that they book as many hours as they can if cost is an issue, they will always have the photographs and can save up for albums and prints at a later date. Do I need an engagement shoot? I think the question should be asking yourself is why do you want an engagement shoot? If the answer is 'to get used to the camera', then it may be worth considering the reality of that for a moment. If you prefer documentary style images, there's no need to pose, so no need to get used to the camera. Documentary photographers are skilled at being unobtrusive and capturing people off guard. Practising poses will not put you or the photographer at ease as you're both engaged in an activity that neither of you want. IF however, you love fine art style images, then engagement shoots are perfect. It gives you a chance to understand your best body position for posed photographs and gives you an idea of likely how long your posed pictures will take on the day. Gut instinct shouldn't be ignored. It exists for a reason. It's not a random part of your brain making decisions. It's a combination of all of your thoughts, feelings and experiences coming to the fore at an important moment. Trust it. The wedding is in the evening/winter etc. will lighting be a problem? You need to know the answer to this when choosing a wedding photographer if it applies. Any wedding photographer worth their salt will have equipment that can deal with low light levels. It is however, something to consider. Shooting in low light is difficult at the best of times. It's near impossible without high end equipment. -If your photographer is cheap, chances are, they won't have high end gear and will struggle to shoot in low light. If you are having a candlelit wedding ceremony, then these are questions you will have to ask. I received this message from a bride and it is a fantastic question. “Our ceremony is in the afternoon and will be by candlelight. We both don’t like staged photos and are looking for a creative photographer that can shoot gorgeous photos in a candlelit/fairy light environment. We are very aware good photos depend on lighting etc. and are very keen to hear your take on this. Would that be something you would be able to help us with? Do you by any chance have some photos to show from other night weddings? The plan is to create a fairy light backdrop for the ceremony (which will take in a separate area) with candles in the aisle next to the chairs. In this scenario there would be no light coming from above. Do you anticipate that being a problem? There is a beam that runs the length of the aisle that we could always wrap in more fairy lights if you think that might help. In the barn where the dinner and party will take place there will be a festoon light ceiling and a festoon light backdrop behind the main table. On the tables there will be candles, additionally there are loads of lights all over the barn that can selectively be turned on and dimmed. I look forward to hearing from you!" Here is my reply: There are two main considerations when working in low light. One – the images will be grainy Two – candlelight only from below can cast unflattering shadows I’ve attached a few images for your consideration. The first image is an example of how low light levels (only lit by the fairy lights) will result in what’s called ‘grain’ on the photographs. It’s simply unavoidable, but something you should certainly be aware of. Personally I don’t think it matters and often adds character to an image, particularly black and white photographs.

It's worth noting that when light only comes from below the shadows can be unflattering. Image two I photographed in a particularly dark barn. This is a combination of fairy lights and ‘candle light’ bulbs worked very well to produce well lit photographs whilst maintaining the ambience. The bulbs fill in the shadows and provide more even lighting across the face.

My recommendation would be to have a combination of the two, candles for ambience and fairy lights to add to the ambient light. Another consideration is the heat from the candles if they will also be your primary light source. I’ve seen the Gentlemen get quite hot in a three piece woollen suit stood next to candles! To reflect Low light equals grain. Grain is not indicative of bad pictures, only low light. If you are having a candlelit wedding ceremony you should definitely ask if the photographers you have shortlisted have example images to share with you.

How do I approach the day? – Blending the styles I believe that weddings should be photographed with care and compassion as well as integrity. Capturing the narrative of the day, true to events. Weddings are an opportunity to dress up. Thought goes into every outfit, from the bride to the second aunt, everyone considers how they will look and wants to look their best. I believe that the bride and groom should also have a series of images that document the connection between them and have them looking amazing. This is possible if you shoot in a documentary style and I believe gives more genuine images than pure fine art. By mixing the two you have the benefit of controlling the location, the light and the basic body positioning, but then you let your confidence as a documentary photographer take over and let the moment unfold naturally. Believe me this takes serious practice and belief in yourself as it can feel super awkward at first, but you have to be bold, if you’re confident, then your client is confident in you. Continue as if this is absolutely normal. I've found if you stand maybe twenty feet away and say "I'm going to shoot this one quite wide so feel free to chat" something magical happens. All of a sudden they feel free to express themselves, everything becomes more relaxed and the real people emerge, not the 'people in that pose'. Then, because you told a fib and you actually have a 50mm lens on, you can shoot at f1.4 and capture those dreamy fine art style images which have all the blown highlights and shallow depth of field, AND capture a natural moment. Hazaahs all round. Here's the magic Here's an example to demonstrate my point. Here we have a beautiful couple and a beautiful location and an outrageously sunny day. The control part from me is placing them in this location under the willow tree. I have used my knowledge of light, environment etc. to place them in a setting I know will look good. The boughs of willow trees create a perfect canvas of elegant greens to create a couple portrait. Next, my instructions are thus "enjoy yourselves, the wedding flies by so take this opportunity to be together in the moment". They look great, the light looks good and everything is peachy. Then I say "I'm going to shoot this one quite wide so feel free to chat!". Then the most extraordinary thing happens. It's as if people feel like they’re no longer being watched and the most intimate moments happen. I've heard of some photographers who say to their clients "imagine a comet is about to hit earth and these are your last few moments, what would you do?". Whilst this may work for some, having to enact a scenario isn’t real to me, plus my clients would probably tell me to fuck off, after all, they did hire me because of my documentary *ahem* unposed style :). The recent image that went viral is a beautiful example of how inviting clients to interact can work. The instruction in that image was "whisper in her ear why you married her". The sentiment is beautiful as is the resulting image, but if we're going all purist, is that a real moment? If my one aim is to show clients images of themselves that they recognise, will they look back on that image and say 'that was the most amazing moment of my life' or 'that was when the photographer instructed us etc. and I cried'? Here is the magic moment. No instruction from me, everything apart from the location is spontaneous. Even the holding of the dress looks amazing, but had nothing to do with me. For me this is the perfect blend of fine art and documentary. The image is absolutely them, this is how they interact, how they stand, how they hold each other. Its magic.

The one thing clients always say The second best thing about this image? We were only gone from the crowd for fifteen minutes. Everyone tells me they hate it at weddings when the bride and groom disappear for the entire drinks reception for photographs. There's simply no need. Find a nice spot, be calm, relax, let the magic happen. It's a moment, it only lasts for a few seconds and then it's gone, so you have to be ready. So Liam what do you do for the other 99% of the day? I take pictures like this:

Liam Smith is a documentary wedding photographer from mars (probably) If you like the look of my work and my philosophy, hey, why not get in touch?

https://www.facebook.com/liamsmithphotography/ https://twitter.com/smithlphoto https://www.linkedin.com/in/liamsmithphotography/ http://youtube.com/channel/UCDRq0noH6kh0afzWK0zt_qw https://www.instagram.com/liam_smith_photography/

1 note · View note

werevulvi · 6 years ago

Text

"It IS the transition that makes trans people men and women. And now you have to do it again. That sucks! I know you've already paid your dues with dysphoria, and having to do it from the other side has to be hell. You did in fact transition into a man, and now you have to transition into a woman. It's going to be hard work to live as a woman, even though you are a natal female. I know you're a woman, but there are people out there who are going to clock you as a trans woman, and some of those people are going to think of you as lesser for it.

I've met and interacted with a lot of people like you, Laura. Detransitioned, lesbian women. And several ID'd as lesbians while calling themselves men. They became distraught, because they were not interested in the straight women who were now interested in them, they were interested in gay women. Because they were gay women."

I don't know how to reply to that. So I did try to start a conversation about sexual attraction going to sex not gender in a transmed group few days ago and well... I did get replies eventually. I got this (chopped from a much longer reply) from a friend of mine, and although I know he means well, and althout I know it was I who brought up my detrans struggles in terms of my (and others) sexuality and I should suit my stupid self for digging into such a sensitive topic... but fuck this hit me so hard. Even so to the point I cried myself to sleep.

Cause I do struggle really hard to believe that I'm still somehow a woman despite my transition to male, so those words of his dug into an especially delicate wound.

I don't know exactly what his words did, but they upset me really deeply. I felt like crying, screaming, destroying things, it was as if my soul was shaking and rattling within my body. I wasn't able to put words into what I was feeling, but I felt upset both about my detransition situation and about being a lesbian.

His previous message dug into my internalised homophobia and how much I still struggle to accept myself and not hate myself for being a lesbian. And I said "Whatever 'lesbian pride' I wave around here [in that fb group] is about as shallow as my makeup. I don't want to be a lesbian, I'm just trying to accept that I simply am one."

It's tearing at me. How ruined my entire life feels. As I tried to fall asleep in my early morning cries, I felt like I've ruined my whole life so bad. Like beyond redemption, almost. Or I don't know if it is redeemable. What can I do, except from just keep trying? I fucked up my body and traumatised myself sexually for a decade cause of the traumas before that, and I lived lies upon lies in desperate attempts to escape from myself, but now it has all caught up with me. Everything.

And it felt like a mountain hitting me in my face. And I still can't get up from the impact. I can't. I'm just lying here. Defeated.

I've been a little better for the past couple of months, although still dysfunctional enough to not manage doing anything productive, but then yesterday it was like I fell down into a pit of despair again. Same pit as before. I hate my life. Just look at it?! It's a full on tragedy. And it breaks my ravaged heart.

Is it too late to try to love my body and connect with it? Or is it beyond saving? Is it too late to start over with my dating/sex life in a way that won't traumatise me and that only includes other women? Or am I too hopelessly traumatised and unlovable forever? Is it too late? Will this pain kill me?

I keep wondering. No I'm not suicidal and have no such intentions what so ever, but fuck yeah I do wish I was dead and it's possible I could end up dying out of sheer negligence. Unintentionally starve to death cause of my ever decreasing appetite and I just forgot to eat, or care to eat. Cause I don't know how to push through this, and I'm so, so despondent. I don't have motivation for anything, not even breathing.

Truth is I feel horrible about the way I look. I hate that I look so bad when not "dolled up" cause I'm no fucking doll! And I feel like I'm putting on a mask of more femininity than I want to, in order to "look like a woman" and the trans community's harmful views on manhood and womanhood being purchasable lifestyle choices dig wounds into me and make me wanna scream. Am I buying womanhood in makeup, razors, dresses and a new female name? Fuck no, it doesn't work like that! And nor will me getting permanent hair removal and boob surgery be like me buying womanhood either. Being a woman is my birth right as much as it is my birth curse. It's something I fought my entire life to stop fighting... but I have a feeling that fight will never truly end. That I will always have to fight society on that point, if not also myself.

And truth is calling myself a lesbian feels like a joke cause I'm not even a "real" woman anymore. I'm not anything. I shredded my femaleness for a fake maleness. Ripped off my skin for a plastic suit. I'm a hackjob. A failed experiment. A broken girl who never got to truly become a woman. I'm stunted in my growth. It feels like it's too late now. I know I love women, that my love is exclusively for women, that that's what I want and it feels so good to even just imagine it considering how lonely I am... but just how much of a lesbian am I really when I still disconnect so hard from other women and from seeing myself as somehow one of them? So to the point that I feel like I'm a drag queen, a kind of man toying around with femininity making a mockery out of being a woman with caked on makeup and padded bras... but I'm just sad. Trying to recreate what I've forsaken.

To some degree I can connect better to other lesbians, though. And that's a big reason I hold on so tightly to the lesbian community already despite being so new in it and not quite getting the in's and out's of it yet. The struggles I share with them, and that there is some mutual understanding in that feeling of being alienated from other women in general. And on that point, I think I even relate noticably better to butch lesbians than I do to feminine straight women. That gay struggle runs deeper than what we look like. Also, before, I used to think being gay and bi was like a similar struggle or even pretty much the same. But oh boy, was I wrong.

Back when I still thought I was bisexual and thought I had "internalised biphobia", I thought to myself that it would be better if I was a lesbian instead... I take back that stupid wish now! I wanna whack myself in the head over it! But I think, that I actually got so far in accepting my attraction to women back then, that I even started thinking it would be fine if I was actually a lesbian, was one of the reasons that deeply suppressed/repressed truth in me started finally surfacing.

So no, I really don't think I in any way "wished myself gay" but rather that the desperate wish made my actual homosexuality start to show itself to me, cause I had let down my guard and inner defenses enough to open that door slightly. But then bunch of months later of course the thought hits me that "that was a really dumb wish" as if it was somehow the cause although I know it wasn't and it doesn't work like that. I guess that's just my internalised homophobia beating me with its stick again. Laughing in my face singing "nana-na-naaaana you got what you wished for, have fun in hell!" cause it echoes truth in everything that's ever randomly happened to me in my life, or in the random ways I was born.

I know I keep questioning myself when I really should be questioning society and its questionable ways of treating people like me. But it’s easier to beat myself up cause I’m closer and more accessible.

When I thought I was bisexual I thought I had at least some shred of heterosexuality about myself that I could hold onto, which made my attraction to women... not less scary but more like... something I didn't "have to" accept about myself (I know that sounds bad, but as a coping mechanism). But since knowing I'm actually a lesbian, that slight sense of security got pulled away from under my feet and I'm suddenly left to rely on and only having my attraction to women, which makes it even more scary and daunting. Like I really have to accept this now or else I'll have nothing.

And I'm just floating around somewhere scary and unstable with no ground to put my feet on. Cause I walked on a glass floor and it broke.

But the image of myself and what I try to recreate becomes skewed and disturbed like a false immitation. Like a scary victorian doll meant to resemble a child. I can never truly become myself again, or the woman I was supposed to become. I'm stuck as a living doll, reeking of decay.

It makes me think of a horrifying case of necrophilia I once saw a documentary about. A man who picked up the remains of a former patient of his cause he was "in love" (obsessed) with her. She had died of tuberculosis and he was her doctor who tried to cure her (I think this was back in the 30's or something before a cure existed, and yeah, actually happened). He propped her up like a doll in his home, trying all sorts of techniques to keep her looks from fading as she decayed over time. The photos of what he had of made her body, 7 years after her death, still haunt me a little. Poor girl. (And yeah, there was more horror to the story considering it's said to be the worst case of necrophilia in history so far... but let's leave out those details, okay. Not relevant to my feelings.)

But why, oh why, do I connect that horrifying image to my own body?! Cause she had essentially been turned into a doll, made of her own human remains, plastic and paint. And very tragically sexualised, which erh... yeah is relatable on a highly metaphorical level. I felt really dead when I was traumatised sexually over and over, and I felt really a lot like I was just a sex doll for men's pleasure. Completely mindlessly so. And also... she too never became a woman. She was only 15-16 years old when she died. I often relate to tragedies, in general.

And I fear that kind of image. Of becoming something like a false immitation of my former self that will haunt me. It reminds me of my childhood nightmares and horror movies I've seen. It reminds me of my phobia of distortion and fearing my own mirror reflection for weeks cause what if it will look distorted and unnatural? What am I detransitioning into, a monster? It makes me dissociate again. My body doesn’t feel like my own. I'm not here. The number you have reached is out of service.

I don't wanna go through this pain. It's far too much and it suffocates me. I wanna escape this horrible hell in my mind. I want a time machine. Go back to my teens. Start over again. I really want to start over. Life went horribly wrong and there's no way back.

#personal #sad post #really morbid stuff too #detransition #message from a friend #lesbian #detransitioning lesbian #womanhood #transition regret #phobia of distortion #i dont have depression its natural that tragedies depress ppl #traumatised

8 notes · View notes

babywarg · 6 years ago

Text

ironstrange multipart fic: Settling for a Miracle [7/?]

Chapter Summary: A deal is made, while another deal is broken. Stephen does something the Ancient One had warned he should never do.

Chapter Notes: Something I should have mentioned in previous chapters, but overlooked: Stephen wears gloves to hide the scars in his hands, lest his patients feel uncomfortable looking at them. That’s sort of relevant in this chapter, so I’m casually mentioning it here.

We know MCU Peter is bad at keeping his own secrets, but let’s pretend for the sake of this fic that he’s good at keeping others’ XD

Another thing! In the last chapter, Stephen noticed that Peter’s hand gesture when he slings webs and his own hand gesture when he casts spells are similar. I knew I couldn’t have been the first to realize it, and I was correct! It’s been pointed out in the comics. But I just found out about that recently XD

Originally on AO3.

Strictly speaking, Stephen wasn’t helpless.

Far from it.

“Helpless” was a state of mind he kept himself in, in order to keep himself from using dark magic in ways he never should

- from using it, for example, to save lives on the operating table.

To delete unsavory individuals from the earth.

To get something that somebody else owned, but he wanted (attachment to the material is detachment from the spiritual - a handy mantra).

To take over the world and become its emperor, wipe out all of its problems with a snap of his fingers.

To get certain people to love him more.

Things like that. Little things, when one considered that there was a vast multiverse out there, with much more to offer than the material world did.

Stephen had to keep perspective like this. He’d wanted his old life back, and that was exactly what he got.

He’d wanted a mundane existence, unaffected by anything magical.

He’d made a deal.

***

“...Doctor Strange?”

Stephen tore his eyes away from the television, which was showing news about Sokovia.

Only then did he realize that Peter had been asking him something, and he hadn’t been listening.

“I’m done with the equations.” The boy spoke cautiously, aware that Stephen’s mind was elsewhere. “You have to check them, right?”

“Peter,” he said casually, “what say we take a break from studies for now?”

He shut the chemistry textbook in front of him. Took the notebook and pen from Peter’s hands, shut the notebook, and laid them both flat on top of the dining table they used as a work desk.

“I want to show you something,” Stephen began. “But first, I want you to promise me one thing.”

Nervousness and curiosity played on Peter’s face.

“What is it, Doc?”

“That you won’t freak out.”

Peter’s brows furrowed. “Why would I...”

Stephen removed the black cloth gloves he wore.

Peter stared at his uncovered hands. He would, of course. It was his first time seeing them.

“Car accident.” Stephen held up his hands, so Peter could get a better look. “The nerves were all but disintegrated. Common knowledge. Made the headlines, you know.”

He doubted that Peter had been aware of how the accident had made waves on the news - he might have been too young to care, at the time.

“Well,” Peter reluctantly remarked, “they’re not so bad now...I mean they look completely healed. Which is what they are. Right?”

Stephen willed out the dark energy from his body. It was over quickly. Apart from a slight wind from nowhere briefly stirring his hair, Peter should not have been able to see it happen.

“The scars aren’t what I want to show you, Peter.”

As the boy watched, Stephen’s hands started to tremble.

“This is.”

He held out one shaking hand.

An empty coffee mug shot out like a bullet from over Peter’s shoulder.

And landed neatly in Stephen’s grip.

Peter jumped to his feet.

“Holy shit!” the boy exclaimed.

Stephen let go of the mug, and it floated in the air by itself.

Peter’s eyes went wide as plates.

Stephen traced a circle in the air with his forefinger, and the mug spun vertically in place. Then he made the mug move in a spiral that grew and grew, drawing closer and closer to Peter, until it was able to dance around him in circles.

The boy laughed, astounded. He reached for the mug, and it stopped moving so he could hold it in both hands.

Peter thoroughly inspected the thing. No strings anywhere. No magnets.

“H-how...” he stammered.

“Magic. That’s the simplest way I can explain it.”

With another small gesture, Stephen made the mug disappear from Peter’s hands.

The boy stepped back and looked around him, alarmed.

“Oh God - where is it?”

“Back on its rack.” Stephen smiled. “I like to keep stuff where they belong.”

Peter turned and saw the mug behind him. “Holy shit,” he said again, softer this time, as he stared.

“So now you know my secret,” Stephen said to Peter. “I’ve been called ‘the man with the steadiest hands in the world.’ But I can only keep my hands steady through magic. And I can’t keep them steady and do other kinds of magic at the same time.”

(Not the whole truth, but the truth, nonetheless.)

Stephen breathed out loudly, clapped his hands together once.

“Whew! That was a relief. It’s been hard keeping a secret that big to myself.”

Peter was incredulous.

“But that’s fricking awesome, man,” he cried. “You can fricking do magic. That’s fricking COOL!”

Peter resumed his seat, more fascinated than frightened. Which was definitely the outcome Stephen had been hoping for.

In Stephen’s mind, the alternative was that the boy was going to run away screaming. But Peter Parker was more curious than anything. Faced with something new, even something that could potentially kill him, his default reaction was amazement.

Peter leaned forward eagerly, elbows on the table. “I have so. Many. Questions.”

“Feel free to ask them,” Stephen replied. “But before you do, I want to tell you something.”

Stephen leaned forward as well.

“I trust you, Peter,” he said in low, conspiratorial tone. “I trust you’ll keep my secret safe. If this gets out, my life could change completely or fall apart.” He added knowingly, “I know you know how that feels like.”

Peter blinked. Hearing this restored some of his nervousness from earlier. What did this well-meaning neighbor know?

“And I want you to feel like you can trust me, too,” Stephen continued. “If there’s anything weighing down on you - anything you may need help with - I want you to know that I’m here for you.”

Having said his piece, Stephen picked up his gloves again and put them on. His hands still shook, but it was safer to keep them shaking; he wasn’t about to perform a Dark ritual while a child was watching.

“I know, Doc,” Peter said after a pensive pause. “I know you’re there for me. And that I can trust you. That’s why I came to you in the first place.”

He fidgeted for a bit after that, as he struggled to find the words. Stephen waited patiently for him to finish.

“So I guess my first question is...if I tell you something...something I’ve been keeping secret...you won’t freak out, either, right?”

Stephen easily nodded.

“Whatever it is,” he said reassuringly, “I’m almost a hundred percent sure it’s not any weirder than being a doctor who can do magic.”

That called up a chuckle from Peter.

“Guess I can’t argue with that...”

First, Peter let out a long and deep sigh.

“Okay, so,” he carefully began, “a couple days ago, we were on this field trip for science class, to a lab owned by Oscorp, right? And there was this spider...”

***

Long after Peter had gone back to his apartment, Stephen still couldn’t sleep.

He stayed on the couch, keeping tabs on the news.

It was pandemonium in Sokovia.

There were no live feeds from the ground. Internet, mobile and radio signals going out of Sokovia were virtually nonexistent. Local news outfits couldn’t broadcast, international crews couldn’t fly in, and no one had access to social media.

More than once, news anchors said that their best shot at getting concrete details was to wait for survivors’ stories - if anyone were to survive.

So Stephen devoured what information he could get. Even if the broadcasters repeated the same bits of info and over, just to fill dead air - he listened carefully.

He didn’t dare miss a thing.

Around midnight, aerial cameras from neighboring countries finally showed something different - the entire nation of Sokovia rising into the air.

Sokovia was landlocked and surrounded by mountains, so international forces based in neighboring countries had a hard time getting there. That the place was rapidly shooting up into the atmosphere did nothing to make it easier for them.

Stephen watched the nation’s ascent, trembling fingers clenched together tight, as if in prayer.

Somewhere in that chaos was Tony.

Thinking about it made his chest ache.

“This just in,” the news anchor said in a slightly more urgent tone than usual, “we’ve received word that a Sokovia local found a way to broadcast from his mobile phone. We’ll be showing you live footage from downtown Sokovia. We repeat, this footage is coming to you live from within Sokovia.”

Stephen sat upright as the live stream began.

The person who held the mobile phone was hiding behind debris. His hands, understandably, were shaking violently, and the visuals were all over the place, so it was hard to make heads or tails of what was happening.

What was clear enough to anyone watching was that it was a war zone. There were explosions, screams, dead bodies everywhere.

There were also humanoid robots flying all over the place.

Were they the Iron Legion? They were moving too fast and the video was too shaky, and Stephen couldn’t be sure. He had never seen any of the Iron Legion in person, but he knew what they looked like from photos and videos.

The broadcaster was attempting to explain what was happening, but the phone could hardly pick up his voice in all the background noise. He was using his native language, too, so even if the phone could pick up some of what he was saying, Stephen couldn’t understand it.

Frustration began to eat away at him.

Soon after the live stream began, a male voice with an American accent yelled nearby:

“What are you doing? Move! Put that phone in your pocket and get to evac now!”

There was a glimpse of the speaker: the Avenger known as Hawkeye. Clint Barton.

Hawkeye dragged the broadcaster out of his hiding place and hurried him along, shouting encouragement for the young man to run faster. As the broadcaster ran, he still attempted to film and comment on as much as he could.

For the briefest of moments, the broadcaster’s phone caught a glimpse of red and gold, at a battleground nearby. The Iron Man.

A swarm of humanoid robots were fast closing in on him.

Stephen leapt to his feet.

Tony.

Tony was in trouble.

***

Stephen stared at his shaking, gloved hands.

He hadn’t performed the Dark ritual yet.

He could portal over to where Tony was.

...But then what?

Was he going to risk becoming another casualty, just so Tony could puzzle over how the fuck his dead body got all the way there from New York?

Would his paltry assortment of standard spells (little more than party tricks) be of any real help?

Did he have time to care?

He decided that he didn’t.

A grim look fell over Stephen’s face. He steeled himself.

And opened a portal.

***

He stepped right into the war zone, and the portal closed behind him.

He had made sure he would enter Sokovia at the place shown in the video, the place near where the robots and the Iron Man clashed.

He could hear the sounds of vicious fighting nearby. But he looked around, and couldn’t find Tony anywhere.

Just then he heard a voice. He turned toward it. There was a woman lying nearby, her left leg visibly broken and bleeding out.

The woman was repeatedly saying something to him. Stephen didn’t need to understand Sokovian to know what she was trying to say.

“Stay calm,” he told her, crouching down so he could help her up. “Don’t be afraid. Breathe.”

If she didn’t calm down, she would lose more blood than she already had. Not to mention her heart might give out, if it happened to be weak.

He was sure she couldn’t understand him, but he needed to engage her attention all the same.

“I need to get you to safety,” he said to her. “Come with me.”

She slung her arm around his shoulders and let him carry her in his arms to a nearby abandoned low building, which was somehow still standing in spite of the constant shelling.

There wasn’t much to use for first aid - strips of cloth from the woman’s dress to use as bandages and stem the blood flow, plus a splint from the many pieces of wood that lay in the area.

No disinfectant - that would have to come later.

“I’m sorry I have to leave,” he said to her, when he was done with the splint. “But I promise I’ll get help for you.”

He left the building, with the confused woman yelling after him. He was sure his departure worried her, but time was of the essence.

As he reached the door, however, a group of people, some wounded, barred his exit.

“Please,” one of the group said in English - a young woman who seemed unhurt, for the most part. “We have wounded and we can’t reach the ships. We need help.”

He hesitated - and then caught himself. He couldn’t believe this was even up for an internal debate.

“All right,” he answered, “bring everyone inside. I’m a doctor. I’ll do what I can.”

When all the wounded were laid down on the ground, alongside the woman with the fresh splint on her leg, Stephen tasked the young woman who had spoken to him to find emergency supplies.

She knew there was a municipal clinic in the vicinity. She left, and came back quickly with the medicine and bandaging equipment he requested.

He made fast work of all the wounded, paying closer attention to the more urgent cases - then finally left, feeling guilty that he couldn’t stay.

But he didn’t have time. Not for charity or guilt.

He had to find Tony.

***

As it turned out, he didn’t need to look very far.

Tony came to him.

To be more precise, the Iron Man flew right in front of him, as Tony distanced himself from another swarm of robots on his tail.

This swarm looked even bigger than the last one - the one that had brought a panicked Stephen to Sokovia.

From what Stephen could see, the Iron Man looked beaten up. Not damaged, but certainly the worse for wear.

Stephen was sure he wasn’t spotted. But he hid himself behind the biggest piece of concrete he could find, all the same.

That brought him face to face with the swarm in pursuit of Tony.

Instinctively, Stephen crouched down and braced for impact.

But the robots flew past him.

That was how Stephen knew he wasn’t in their radar at all.

He watched as the Iron Man, already far away but still within his field of vision, stopped mid-flight. Turned. Faced the swarm.

No. Tony, NO, he wanted to shout. There’s too many of them.

They were out for blood.

Tony’s blood.

He couldn’t let them have it.

But he searched the arsenal of spells in his head, and couldn’t think of one that might be of use to Tony right now.

None from Kamar-Taj.

***

“The missing pages from the Book of Cagliostro don’t simply speak of channeling energy from the Dark Dimension into your body,” the Ancient One said. “They also tell of how to harness dark energy not to heal, but to kill. These spells are too strong for ordinary humans...but they are not beyond a person who is both skilled in magic and naturally talented in it - such as yourself.”

She had contained the two of them in the mirror dimension, so they would not be overheard. There would be no practice, she had warned him beforehand: the spells they were discussing were too dangerous to even attempt.

“I will teach you about these spells, Stephen...but I will warn you never to cast them. These spells would need you to draw enormous amounts of dark energy. So much would open your mind and spirit to Dormammu.”

That was the main risk of attempting the spells in the Book: exposing oneself to the ruler of the Dark Dimension. Using dark energy to heal oneself was a negligible thing - but using it to heal others, or to kill: that drew the attention of Dormammu himself.

“If the choice were mine, I would not have allowed you, a novice in the Mystic Arts, to even know about such spells. But you know about them already. The best I can do is to guide you, so that you do not misuse them.”

In fact, the best she could have done, Stephen said to himself, was to wipe the spells from his mind. He knew she could do it - he’d seen her do it before.

But she didn’t opt for it - and in this case, Stephen could only take the advice of a fellow in Kamar-Taj known as Mordo: forget everything you know, and trust your teacher.

Masters knew more than novices did. And the Ancient One knew a hell of a lot more than every other Master in the world did.

Perhaps she’d seen in his future that he would have need of them at one point. There would be a right time to use them. That was why she’d allowed him to keep the memories of the spells.

And in that case...

Wasn’t now the right time to use them?

Wasn’t now as good a time as any?

***

No time for guilt.

No time for second thoughts.

Stephen made the necessary ritualistic gestures, finally crossing his arms over his chest, with his fingers forming the shapes the book recommended.

Dark energy flooded into him at a strength and speed he wasn’t quite prepared for.

He was almost knocked flat on his back. It was nothing like the ritual he used to heal his hands.

This was...

Exhilarating.

When the magic stabilized inside him, he didn’t just feel healed. He felt powerful.

Like he could take life. Any life.

He could ruin anything.

Dark magic was, as to be expected, a force for destruction. It was all Stephen could do to remind himself that he had not drawn so much of it to destroy.

He needed it to protect.

Tony.

With great effort, he focused. He saw that the robotic swarm was speeding toward Tony and in just a few seconds, he would be overwhelmed by them.

There was no time to lose.

He channeled the energy inside him into a vein that sped in Tony’s direction.

It enveloped the Iron Man in a sphere of deep purple light.

This confounded Tony’s attackers for a moment, made them stop and hover around the sphere.

Quickly, with eyes enhanced with dark energy, Stephen took stock of the robots surrounding Tony. How many needed to be dispensed with. Where they were located.

Then he willed the sphere open.

The sphere broke apart into what spectators would later describe as a pair of giant black-and-purple wings.

Spreading out behind the Iron Man.

And as the wings unfurled, they threw out a spherical blast of magic strong enough to disintegrate all the robots in the immediate vicinity.

Metal turned to ash.

And for a moment the Iron Man floated amid an ashfall rain, the wings behind him looming large and menacing, blocking out the light from the sky.

The fortunate robots that were out of the blast radius had the sense to flee.

Tony was out of danger.

Stephen let out a breath. It came out as relieved laughter.

Then he made the wings dissolve into thin air.

He was about to will himself into Tony’s eyes. He could do it, with the magic still in his body. He could see what Tony saw.

He wanted to know how Tony reacted. How he might have felt when the sphere-turned-wings appeared.

But that was when a voice entered his head.

YOU’VE OPENED YOURSELF

TO ME

AT LAST

The voice was loud. Extremely loud.

It drilled into his brain like a jackhammer.

Stephen let out a yell and fell back, holding his head.

AND FOR WHAT?

A SINGLE

MISERABLE

HUMAN LIFE

NOT EVEN YOUR OWN?

Stephen desperately willed the dark energy out of his body.

He couldn’t.

The magic clung to him painfully. He felt it digging its claws into his astral form, wrapping itself around him.

His heart pounded inside his chest.

HOW...

...SMALL

Stephen cried out as his forehead burned. It felt like someone was carving something into it with fire.

No no no no no

Have to get it out

He called forth every ounce of astral strength he had.

And pushed the dark energy out of his veins.

His effort was rewarded with laughter - a dark, malevolent laughter, so strong that it blocked out even his vision.

He chose not to be distracted by this. He didn’t need to see to free himself.

YOU ARE MINE

LITTLE WIZARD

AS YOU SHOULD BE

Stephen pushed harder. Surrender wasn’t an option, and there was nothing else he could do.

I have to get it out

Soon, he felt the dark energy draining away. Slowly. Much too slowly.

Small amounts of energy could leave his body without a trace. But this much was bound to be visible even to people with no special psychic ability.

Others might see him. Tony might see him.

He needed to leave that place.

Now.

Still bleeding out dark magic, with demonic laughter still ringing in his ears, Stephen opened a portal back to his apartment in New York and stumbled into it, closed it swiftly behind him.

#ironstrange #tony stark #stephen strange #peter parker #iron man #doctor strange #spider-man homecoming #strangeiron

4 notes · View notes

uncanny-accuracy · 6 years ago

Text

Time to spill the tea, y'all

For those of you who know what's going on, cool. That's cool. I don't need to explain. For those of you who don't, you'll find out soon enough if you keep reading.

Now let's not get our panties in a bundle. Redrose is an amazing person and fucking GREAT addition to this fandom. But because of one thing she said, that's not even an opinion, it's FACT, y'all decide to go after her.

So let's spill the tea on me. Yes, me. You read right. I'm gonna tell you why, if anything, you should be attacking me. Because Redrose put up with my shit, and she did it marvelously without anyone but the two of us knowing.

This damned Hell-bent world has a decent human being and y'all are really starting to push her over her limits. After all my bullshit, which is proof Redrose is a good-hearted person, maybe y'all can sit back and let me explain what she meant and why this whole post is relevant. It may not seem so at first, but the beginning of this post DOES further my point later on.

For those of you who remember on Redrose's Instagram, she got an anonymous ask on her tellonym awhile back. Essentially, it said something along the lines of, "Uhh don't mean to be rude but there's already an RA Amino so :/ That's kind of a kick in the dick."

Redrose posted a photo on her story of an Amino invite card to the second RA Amino. But guess who's a leader on the first? This bitch!

I thought it rude or whatever. I was stupid and honestly? Dead fucking wrong.

Here's the screenshot:

That's me. Want to know how Redrose handled this? Fucking beautifully. Wanna know what I did? I was a dick. I went on my art account on Instagram and messaged the Amino invite card to her, no explanation. I don't think she ever put it up. And you know what? Good. Because then I continued to kiss her ass after I realized my Instagram name could be tracked to the watermark on the art posted on my Tumblr account.

Redrose couldn't have missed that watermark. But who know what she did? She didn't say a word. She made the connection of uncanny-accuracy to LowReihn. But like a mature, responsible adult, she didn't say shit.

Next up, we have my main Insta account! Who has no connection to any RA related stuff. But Redrose posted on Instagram a picture of John Flanagan's United States tour dates. I saw one of them was close to me so, because I couldn't find any info, I asked her if SHE could take time out of HER day to help me. I don't know if she was busy, but she did hunt down the info and she posted it for me, no complaints.

It's because of her that I'm meeting Flanagan on the 28th. Without her, I would've never known he was so close. She prioritized me. And yeah, sure, my main Insta has no connection to LowReihn, but she still did it.

Redrose is always answering asks, responding to comments, not just posting RA content to entertain but RA content to help others. Wanna learn about the Ranger knives? She's got you. Wanna know tour dates? She's got you. Wanna know more about a meetup or larp group? She's got you.

So let's move onto the Middle Ages stuff. Redrose made a comment that she didn't find Trans Alyss realistic because the stories are set in the Middle Ages. My opinion? She's right. That's not even an opinion. She's right. She's speaking fact. But that's not to say she's going against the LGBTQ+ community, because she's not.

Speaking as a nonbinary pansexual, I'm going to basically repeat what Redrose said. And y'all can't tell me I'm homophobic or transphobic or whatever, because I'm literally a part of the LGBTQ+ community.

Ranger's Apprentice is set in the Middle Ages. Yes, it's fantasy, but it is still set in that time. LBGTQ+ was not openly expressed because it was wrong back then. Honestly? You would've been killed. Alyss being male to female isn't realistic, but I’m not against it. Redrose isn’t either. If RA was set in more modern times, then yeah. It could work well. But the fact remains that it's in the Middle Ages. Alyss would've been killed if she was trans. The same goes for anyone who's found to be gay, lesbian, bisexual (not that they knew what that was), etc.

Sure, characters could be a part of the LGBTQ+ community. Redrose isn't saying they can't be. I'm not staying that either. Will could be pan. Crowley could be gay or ace. Halt could be demi. Who knows? Only Flanagan! But they'll all written as straight because it's the Middle Ages.

Redrose is not against the LGBTQ+ community. And coming from someone who is a part of that community, I don't see why y'all are butthurt. I like headcanoning the characters as a gay or pan or trans or whatever. Both of us are just saying that it’s not really that accurate, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it or that we’re going to attack you. Because frankly? I’ve draw Halt x Crowley before. Redrose is a fan of Cralt and Will x Gilan, last I checked. I’m sure Crowley x Duncan is one she’s mentioned too.

Redrose has dealt with my shit on multiple occasions and continues to be nice to me whenever I reach out. And if she sees this and knows all my accounts now, then good. Because it isn't gonna change the way she responds to me. She'll continue answering when I ask questions. She'll continue being a decent human being, because she is a decent human being. Just like nothing happened, she'll be mature and honest and marvelously patient. She's a beautiful person inside and out.

Unlike you guys who attacked her. So let's sit back and think.

Who's the real monster here? Because it sure as hell ain’t Redrose.

28 notes · View notes

slyke25 · 6 years ago

Text

2016 - The End

On January 18, 2009, I walked down to Great Scott to see the Scottish band, Frightened Rabbit, and brought my trusty little point and shoot camera. I arrived early, secured a spot against the stage, and snapped a few photographs and videos. I enjoyed the show so much, it ultimately inspired my first ever concert review post, and I wrote a few short paragraphs, posted one photo, two videos, and it would be the start of an amazing seven year journey

Fast forward to 2016. I’d been covering shows on my site for seven years, and sadly my heart just wasn’t in it anymore. It’s fairly common for people who post regular online content to feel this way from time to time, and there were definitely occasions over the years when I took a break to evaluate things and recharge. However, this time was different. Unfortunately, this wasn’t a rut from which I was going to emerge.

Since the beginning of this blog, I was always progressing, covering bigger shows, taking better photographs, upgrading camera equipment, building relationships, discovering new bands, etc. I felt my progress had plateaued, and essentially I’d accomplished what I set out to do in the beginning. I was a one-man show, and the amount of work was becoming a bit much. I guess I could have tried taking things to the next level by bringing on a few more people to cover shows, as I’d occasionally get emails from people looking to help, but I just didn’t feel it was the best thing to do.

The bottom line is that this takes a lot of time. I’d arrive early for shows, take photos, record videos, go home, edit late into the night, arrange, upload, and post. All for free. Sure, I’d often receive free tickets to shows, which was great, but when you do the math, it’s actually not much compensation for the etime invested..

This was never about the money for me, and I never made a cent doing this. It was about the music, experience, art, progress, and passion. I couldn’t help but feel I was now slowly going through the motions, covering the same bands over and over, and the new music and artists didn’t seem to connect with me like they once did. I guess I was at the crossroads, and in the words of the late Tom Petty, it was “Time To Move On”.

It's time to move on, time to get going What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing But under my feet, baby, grass is growing It's time to move on, it's time to get going

Concerts were something near and dear to me, and all of a sudden, I found myself becoming less and less interested in covering them. It sounds laughable, but in seven years, I managed to burn out on free concerts and taking photographs.

The positives of this are priceless, and I’ve already talked about many of the shows that were memorable to me over the years. However, I want to mention a few of the negatives for me, as I think it’s part of the story, and relevant to where my head was at in 2016..

The Shot - in early days, experiencing the show and music were priority number one. I’d take a few point & shoot photos and record a few videos, but It was a fairly very simple process that didn’t take much time away from the concert experience itself. After I upgraded my camera and lenses, I felt like I was spending too much time behind the lens at shows, essentially missing key moments of the very show I was attending. I tried to be conscious of it, but I definitely regret not putting down the camera more to get truly lost in the music, instead of opting for the digital memory. Then again, one might argue that without the photo pass and camera, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to attend many of the shows in the first place, so I guess it depends on how you look at it, but I still feel I could have been better and wasn’t truly immersed in the music at times, especially at the end.

Too much time on the computer - I was working a 9-5 job on a computer during the day, and spending even more time on computer editing photos at night, wasn’t healthy. If I wasn’t editing, I was researching new music, sifting through vast amounts of emails from publicists, because after seven years, I seemed to be on everybody’s PR list (I’m still get emails today).

Publicists – I had the pleasure of working with many publicists that were awesome at their job, but I also dealt with a few that weren’t. In the early days, if I had a email confirmation from my original request, I’d just stroll down to the venue with confidence, only to sometimes have an issue at the box office. There’d be a photo pass but no ticket, ticket but no photo pass, name not on the list at all, etc. This didn’t happen often, but definitely more than it should have, and I quickly learned to to confirm with every publicist the day of the show to minimize these mishaps.

Competition – There really weren’t very many Boston music blogs or publications covering the same shows/music as me in the beginning, so there was less competition for photo passes and tickets. As time went on, more blogs and publications appeared, and I was now fighting to get approval for shows.

Rude Concert Goers – For larger shows, there’d typically be a photo pit barricade in front of the stage, which was the designated area to take photographs without having to be in the crowd itself. It was nice because I could take my time getting to the show, and walk right in to the photo pit before the opener. However, at smaller shows, there’s no designated photo area, and if I wanted decent shots, I had to get in line early with the other fans to secure a spot in front of the stage. Nothing would piss me off more than getting to the venue at 6, waiting in line until doors open at 7, secure my spot against the rail, opening band comes on at 8, next band, 8:45, and then right before the headliner takes the stage at 10.....several drunk idiots think it’s the perfect time to aggressively work their way to the front of the stage, where people have been patiently waiting for four hours. Thanks to these fine folks, my personal space is now reduced to zero, and I’m stuck elbow-to-elbow with an off-key singing, booze-ridden fan. Good times.

The music – I’m just going to come right out and say it. I think the music scene for the last three years has been somewhat lacking for the indie rock/folk scene.. Yes, there have been some solid bright spots, but I just feel like it’s an overall decline from the decade prior. Even established bands with great music have been releasing mediocre new albums, and some of the upcoming bands people are talking about just aren’t really connecting with me. Maybe I’m old, I don’t know. Honestly, I feel like I haven’t missed much since 2016.

So that’s kind of where my head was at this time. Again, the positives of having this blog were amazing, but it had to end. The question now was when would it end?

After I posted photos from the Frighted Rabbit show at the House of Blues on May 9, 2016, I had a bit of a nostalgic moment. Seven years prior, this same Scottish band was playing Great Scott for a mere 250 people, and now they just played the House of Blues for 2500. Pretty impressive. I then revisited my photos from the ‘09 Great Scott show, and saw how far I’d come in seven years. I went from covering concerts in tiny sweaty clubs to obtaining photo passes and press credentials for much larger artists and venues.

After Frightened Rabbit, I intended to cover a few more shows, and ideally wanted to end this blog by covering the Newport Folk Festival in July, which I look forward to every year more than anything, as it’s provided many of my favorite music memories. However, it wasn’t meant to be, as the timing wasn’t the best, due to upcoming travel. I was going to Alaska for ten days, and had a few other trips, so in the end, I decided it was fitting to end my blog with the same exact band that it started it all, Frightened Rabbit, bringing it all full circle.

I still managed to attend Newport in the summer of ‘16, but I decided to attend it as a fan, just like I did the first time in ‘09. Photographing a festival like Newport is fun, but you tend to miss a lot of special moments. Sure, you get to be right in front of the stage for the first three songs (usually), but there’s an opportunity cost to be had, because just as the band is getting in the groove, you have to run to another stage to take photos of the next artist. It’s a unique experience for sure, but until the headliner, it’s difficult to fully immerse yourself in the music because you’re constantly on the move. You can still enjoy the music during the downtime, but it’s not the same. It truly isn’t. So when I attended the 2016 Newport Folk Festival, I left the DSLR at home, took it all in, danced, sang, and it was just as incredible as the first time. I did manage to record four videos, like I did in the beginning.

Ryan Adams “Holy Diver”

Ryan Adams “Gimme Something Good”

Nathaniel Rateliff “Chelsea Hotel”

Father John Misty “Now I’m Learning To Love War”

After Newport, I was prepping for a new adventure. I’d lived in Boston for fourteen years, had many incredible times, and definitely no shortage of exploring both Boston and New England. However, it was time to move on. I wanted a change and a fresh start. I decided to move to Denver, and at the end of August, drove across the country and settled in.

Truth is, I did what I set out to do (and more) with this site. I covered the artists that were important to me, and was introduced to many amazing new upcoming bands. I always wanted to give my music blog a proper ending, and two and a half years after the last show I covered, it finally comes to a close.

I invite you to click on the bold print below for links to each of the 4 shows, where you’ll find photos, videos, and maybe even a few words.

These are just a few shows from 2016, and to see the full list of every show I covered in ‘16 (with links) click the ‘14-’16 archive here.

Josh Ritter at the House of Blues (2.19.16) - I’d been a fan of Josh ever since his 2006 album, The Animal Years, and I’d always try to see him when he came to town.

Matthew Logan Vasquez at Cafe 939 (4.30.16) - The Delta Spirit frontman played a fun show at this intimate little venue.

Fruit Bats / Horse Feathers at Once Ballroom (5.7.16) - This was my first time at this non-traditional venue, which used to be Anthony’s Function Hall, and was transformed into Cuisine En local/Once Ballroom in ‘13. Horse Feathers, who I’d seen multiple times, opened the show, so it was a solid double bill.

Frightened Rabbit at the House of Blues (5.9.16) - Ever since that first show in ‘09, I’d catch them pretty much every chance I’d get, and probably saw Frightened Rabbit at least half a dozen times or more in the span of seven years. Scott was always in good spirits, the band sounded great, and these shows were always a lot of fun. I was happy they were finally playing the larger House of Blues after playing the Paradise so many times. I still can’t believe Scott is no longer with us, and his passing in May came as a shock to us all.

#Frightened Rabbit #2016 #the end #it's been real #boston music

1 note · View note

researchmiscellanea · 4 years ago

Text

Dr Winifred Muirhead: A Very Partial Biography

I am terrible for seeing something and then going down a rabbit hole, in this case a biographical one. Looking at the 1911-12 Edinburgh and Leith Post Office Directory, the fact that the Asylum had a female doctor caught my eye.

So I present a very partial biography of Dr Winifred Muirhead: bacteriologist, pathologist, and first woman doctor in Northern Transvaal.

In looking up these references I’ve had to presume that they are all referring to the same person; the names (married and unmarried) are uncommon enough, and the timeline fits for a single person, but it’s always possible I have gone astray in places.

I haven’t been able to find out anything about her background, but she studied medicine at the Edinburgh School of Medicine for Women, which was founded in response to Edinburgh University refusing admission to women for its medical degree. A lot of the School’s students were local, so it’s at least fairly likely that she was from Edinburgh or nearby; in the years she worked at the Royal Edinburgh Asylum there is noted a Mrs Muirhead of 5 Ettrick Road in the list of regular donations to the Asylum - proud mum, or just a coincidence?

Winifred completed the Triple Qualification, a set of exams run by the Scottish Royal Colleges which offered an alternative route to qualifying in medicine outside the universities. She passed the first examination in July 1896, and the second in 1897 with a distinction.

In 1900 she was working at Plaistow Maternity Charity in London, which seems at that point to have offered mostly outpatient care for women in the locality.

The next place she turns up is near here:

This was a slum in Johannesburg called “Coolie Location” (which was pretty much as offensive at the time as it is now), which suffered an outbreak of plague in 1904 - the article “Pneumonic Plague in Johannesburg, South Africa, 1904″ (pdf and source of the photo) gives an interesting look from a medical point of view. Our reference to Winifred is that in April 1904 she was working in the hospital bacteriological laboratory during this plague outbreak (warning for racism).

There is a not-quite brush with history here; one of the people involved in the plague outbreak was a 35 year old lawyer called Mohandas Gandhi. Did Winifred meet him? Possibly, but there’s nothing that points strongly towards it.

Something brought her back to Scotland, or maybe South Africa was only ever meant as a temporary situation. We next find here here, Stirling District Asylum:

In 1907 she was Assistant Medical Officer here, and had a paper in the Lancet, A Case of Typhoid Fever: A Note on the Bacteriological Examination of the Blood.

She became a member of the Medico-Psychological Association (the forerunner of the Royal College of Psychiatrists) in 1908. She seems to have had a very specific set of interests in the intersection of infection and mental illness which means that she must have been pleased with her next career move, to the Royal Edinburgh Asylum. Edinburgh was where the central Laboratory of the Scottish Asylums, run by Dr William Ford Robertson, was based. Ford Robertson had written A Text-book of Pathology in Relation to Mental Diseases and was an enthusiast about the connection between infectious disease and mental illness. However, there is no evidence I can find that she ever actually worked with Ford Robertson; I must admit that he comes over to me as rather opinionated and arrogant. The vast majority of his works are his sole authorship; the few which are not are co-authored with men, though this isn’t all that unusual at that time. I may be doing him a disservice, but I wonder if he was a draw in the abstract and a disappointment in person.

By 1908 Winifred was the Royal Edinburgh Asylum’s Bacteriologist and Pathologist, with prominent billing in the annual report:

Not particularly relevant, but that same annual report included photos of the accomodation for private patients, including this:

No photos of accomodation for everyone else. Safe to presume it wasn’t like this.

In 1909 she published a paper, The Occurrence of Organisms in the Blood and Cerebrospinal Fluid in Mental Diseases in the Journal of Mental Science, which apparently was awarded a “special prize” by the Medico-Psychological Association.

In 1910 she was supervising another doctor doing research in the Asylum laboratory, Dr Alice Babington. Just after that mention comes this paragraph, which I feel beholden to both screencap and transcribe:

“I desire to point out how suitable work of this nature is for lady doctors. Neatness and dexterity in delicate manipulation are required for it as well as great patience and attention to detail, and in all these respects women excel. On the other hand there is a minimum of responsibility and strain associated with the work, which is what women feel most.”

Can you imagine working with that level of patronising waffle?

In 1911 she was “recognised by the University as a lecturer on the subject of Practical Bacteriology in its relation to Mental Diseases.”

The 1912 annual report mentions a paper “done conjointly by Dr Henderson and Dr Muirhead, on the different forms of cells found in the cerebro-spinal fluid in disease, would have obtained on its merits the Bronze Medal granted by the Medico-Psychological Association, but for a technicality.” Now there is a sentence which is hiding a story, and almost cetainly a mighty argument. I haven’t been able to find the paper which this refers to, which just makes it more intriguing.

She resigned on her marriage in 1912, becoming Mrs Montgomery, and the Asylum annual report for 1913 says “for five years she had been Pathologist to the Institution, and organised on very satisfactory lines the new laboratories, &c, provided by the Managers. Her work was most methodical and accurate, and was of the greatest help in the treatment of the patients”

There were two papers she published jointly with others around that time, A Report of a Case of Insanity Associated with Chloral Bromide Poisoning and a Brain Abscess likely before her marriage, and Toxic Exhaustive Insanity Associated with Chronic Suppurative Otitis Media, Labyrinthitis, and Extra-Dural Abscess likely afterwards.

She seemed to disappear after her marriage, with lots of irrelevant search results for either Winifred Muirhead or Winifred Montgomery, and no more published research. Then I realised that I’d seen the name Montgomery before, as one of the other doctors in Johannesburg. Had she gone to South Africa? Yes!

An article written by her husband in 1933 (warning for racism and graphic medical descriptions) also shows that this was quite a change of scene - not laboratory medicine but extremely rural and extremely hands-on medicine. “Delivery of such presentations as this one is still more complicated when one’s sole light is a storm-lantern, and one has to grovel on the floor of a hut.”

It’s also noteable that after the two uses of “I” in those first two paragraphs, everything medical thereafter is “we” - this was a joint operation, not just him calling the shots.

They seem to have lived in what is now Polokwane (Pietersburg at the time), which is now a city, but in 1904 it had less than 4,000 residents. Quite a change from Edinburgh, which at the time had more than a quarter of a million residents.

She is recorded as having her named removed from the medical register as deceased in the August 1946 South African Medical Journal, and has a very brief obituary in the 1946-48 report of the National Council of Women of South Africa.

“The first woman doctor in the Northern Transvaal” seems an appropriate note to end this on.

#hope I've done you proud Dr Muirhead #women #women's history #medical history #history of psychiatry #social history #Edinburgh

0 notes

scriptmedic · 7 years ago

Text

Scars, Surgery, and Sensation: @pomrania’s Story

Hey all! Today’s post is a guest post by the lovely @pomrania, who was kind enough to submit a story about their experiences with scars and scar reduction. It’s a good read, and I hope you like it!

Thanks so much to Pomrania for sending it in, and if you’d like to share your own stories of medical mishap and mayhem, [submit a guest post].

Take it away, Pomrania!

xoxo, Aunt Scripty

[disclaimer]

Let’s just say that I made a lot of bad decisions as a teenager. None of them left me with a chemical dependency or a criminal record, but I did end up with a large scar on my upper arm. Due to the circumstances surrounding it, I didn’t get it looked at or cared for by anyone but my non-medical self. It didn’t heal quite properly. It was reddish, and wide, and raised. (Years later I found that the term was “hypertrophic”.) Unless I was wearing a sweater, or multiple layers, I could feel that scar through my sleeve, when I touched my arm. What I couldn’t feel, was any touch on the scar. I’d thought there was maybe nerve damage there. Fast forward a couple years. I can’t remember really what train of thought led me to decide that I wanted that scar dealt with, but I went to my family doctor and asked her about scar reduction (I’d learned earlier that it wasn’t “removal”) surgery. That was when I found out it’s called scar reconstruction; maybe it’s a newer term, maybe just more accurate, I don’t know. Anyways, it ended with her referring me to a doctor in the nearby city, half an hour’s drive away. Four months later, I actually got my appointment booked with that specialist. (No idea why it took so long. This wasn’t about waiting for when the doctor was available, just for finding out when it would be.) Two or three months after that came the actual appointment. Things I learned, in no particular order:

the 90-9-1 rule: surgery makes the scar look better / less noticeable in 90% of the cases, look the same in 9%, and look worse in 1%

scar reconstruction is only covered by OHIP (Ontario health insurance) if it negatively affects movement/function, or is on the face

at least over here, surgery on the hand is done by the same people who do scar reconstruction, as those both involve really fine detail work

the majority of that doctor’s patients were either older people having carpal tunnel surgery, or younger people with scars from bad decisions

after tax, the total cost was around a thousand dollars; this included the doctor’s time and work, supplies I presume, and also the use of an operating room at one of the nearby hospitals

I told the doctor that I wanted to think about it for a bit, but I had already made my decision back when I first made an appointment with my family doctor to discuss the idea. I had been given a sheet to fill out by the nurse, when I was waiting for the specialist to come see me. One of the fields on there asked about any reactions to general or local anaesthetics. I made very sure to be clear about something I have. For me, along with my mother, local anaesthetic takes a while to kick in (which is incredibly unfortunate when it’s your first day of kindergarten and you need three stitches in the back of your head and you can feel the needle going in each time and you’re screaming because it hurts but they think you’re just being bad, but I digress). Once the surgery itself was booked and I knew the location, I planned how I would get there. Parking spaces by the hospital were, as expected, hard to get and also expensive. What I did instead was to leave the car at a parking lot elsewhere in the city, then take a bus to the hospital and back. I tested it the day before, as I wasn’t sure how well I would be thinking the day of, what with nerves and all. (I had, of course, checked that I would be able to drive after the surgery.) There were three people in the room for the surgery; myself, the doctor, and a nurse. I don’t know whether it was because of what I’d said, or if it was their general practice, but they checked that the area was thoroughly numbed before starting anything. I had hoped to be able to watch. That did not end up happening. I had to have my head turned to the other side, to avoid breathing on anything and contaminating it. Throughout the procedure I was lying on my back, with the relevant arm outstretched. I think my arm was placed between two rolled-up towels, to keep it still. It’s a weird sensation, to have people talking about and operating on your flesh, and hearing sounds of slicing, knowing that it’s happening, and to feel absolutely nothing. (I’d been sufficiently numbed before in other instances, but only for dental surgery; and not only was there pressure and immediate noise with that, but that is, by definition, literally in your face.) I had so many questions I wanted to ask – what are you doing now, what was that sound, what does it look like, what did that term mean that you just said – and they answered some of them, but they were busy. I honestly do not remember what I was wearing for this. From the waist down, I’m almost certain it was the same clothing I’d arrived in; but aside from that, I don’t know if it was a t-shirt with the sleeve pushed up, or a hospital gown over my bra. I’m guessing it was the latter, because I remember being in a small room off to the side, and that would make most sense if it was for me to get changed in. I have a mental image of the room being dimly lit, with bright lights off to the side. I don’t know if that’s what it was like during the surgery; it was years ago, and my memory is a bit odd at the best of times. When they went to cauterize something, this is what I remember: the sound of tearing a packet open, a noise unlike what I’d been hearing, and a faint smell. I remember being surprised that that was it. I had expected it to hurt, for some stupid reason, but of course, if it had, and I had felt anything, that would have meant that somebody had really screwed up along the way. After the surgery was done, I think I was told to not do anything strenuous with that arm. Me being me, I ended up not using that arm at all on the way home. (I’d done the same whenever I’d donated blood.) The stitches were a kind that dissolved, so I wouldn’t have to come in again to get them removed. That night, after the freezing wore off, it itched, horribly. As in, literally the worst itch that decade, maybe longer. I remember making up songs about how bad it itched, and singing them in a slightly maniacal tone. I went to bed with a legging pulled up over that arm. It kept me from scratching, and the pressure made it feel slightly better. I saw my family doctor a few days later. Not sure if it was earlier booked, to check on how it was healing, or if it was just an appointment I made because of that itch. But anyways, turns out I had a reaction to the surgical tape. Maybe I hadn’t been scrubbing at it as much as I should have, or maybe my skin just hates me. Going off of the long list of things I get contact rashes from, I’m assuming the latter. A couple months later, I went to see the specialist again for a follow-up. It took a lot less time than I had expected, which I only remember because I paid for an hour of parking but I was there for maybe ten minutes. He took a look at my arm, and said that there was nothing unusual going on there, no keloid formation, and it had healed nicely. Then I went to the nearby park and played on the swings and pet some dogs for 45 minutes; I’d already paid for the parking, and I was in no rush. As for how the scar is now: my “nerve damage” idea was wrong, as I can feel all the area around it. (The old scar had just blocked off any sensitive areas from any stimulus, I assume.) It’s slightly paler than the rest of my (pale) skin, but not raised, and aside from its length, it looks like all my other (smaller) scars. I don’t know how noticeable it is to someone who isn’t looking for it, but I can’t feel the scar through my sleeve, so that’s enough for me. I don’t have pictures available, for how it looked “before” and “after”. I mean, somewhere I have a school photo taken in a sleeveless shirt, but we’ve moved since, and it would take a lot of time to find it.

If there’s anything more that you’d want to know, I can try and answer it; just be aware that “I don’t remember” is a very possible response.

#scars #scar reconstruction #submissions #patient stories #submission

131 notes · View notes

emilygamble98-framed · 5 years ago

Text

Rehearsal Diary

1. Documentation of key moments within the process, which led to creative breakthroughs or new choices.

Our process began in February when we got into groups and picked a stimuli script. Due to the university strikes we were then left to our own devises to plan for the semester ahead. I brought the script ‘Cleansed’ by Sarah Kane (Kane, 1998) to the table as I felt that it would be really interesting to look at. The group agreed and we began pulling the script apart and looking at the key themes that were explored throughout. We quickly agreed that we wanted to produce our own original script which had been inspired by Cleansed. We began developing idea’s on what themes and issues we’d like to explore and once these decisions had been made, we started developing our own concept and individual characters. We separately went away and researched professional misconduct including specific cases that we were interested by. We then began writing. Everyone wrote either a short monologue or a series of bullet points for their own character. From this I developed a first draft of our script. In our next rehearsal we began blocking a chair duet for Andrew and Ella which was choreographed by Floss. Very quickly after this the Covid-19 lockdown was announced and the university became digital. From this point I created another three full script edits by developing the performance into a series of monologues. Throughout the weeks we met virtually with Laura on a Wednesday morning as well as having multiple group meetings during the weeks. We individually recorded our monologues as well as a series of transition videos and submitted them to Fran for editing.

2. Moments of difficulty and how you overcame them.

The combination of the three-week strike and then becoming a virtual university made a performance module extremely difficult. Through constant contact between me and the majority of the group we were able to maintain a positive outlook on the module and adapt our ideas and original script to suit our new situation. We also regularly spoke with Laura on a Wednesday which was extremely helpful when developing our ideas and creating new material. The other main difficulty that we had to overcome was internet troubles. Islay had a lot of internet problems which stopped her from being in contact with us for two weeks. In order to overcome this, we created a series of documents which explained any decisions we had made whilst she was unavailable. This meant that when she could access the internet it was quick for her to read through. We also delegated the stage management role to Floss which meant that Islay only needed to stay in contact with her rather than the entire group.

3. Inclusion of relevant rehearsal pictures or video.

This video is a pre-recorded rehearsal from before lockdown. It features Connor as Andrew and Lauryn as Ella in a chair duet choreographed by Floss.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SqMlBhYHIf5j1orF6RnO6bw0CE3Tf2Cm/view?usp=sharing

This video is a section of my monologue that I recorded before gaining feedback from my group. From conversations with Laura and group feedback I decided that I needed to reduce my different points on eye contact in order to make it more engaging.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1InKlagNDNBxMW28fFaIfjmSjyW4rm0TP/view?usp=sharing

This photo is from one of our regular Wednesday morning google meet sessions.

4. Evidence of how your research fed into the development of the performance.

Our research process was a very vital stage for our development of each character individually and for the performance as a whole. Once we had selected the themes and issue that we wanted to explore from our source material we all began researching a variety of professional misconduct cases that we could discuss and get inspiration from. One of the first cases that I came across during my research was of a New York case at Mount Sinai hospital where a women was given a high dosage of morphine so that she was unable to move whilst a male doctor ‘wedg[ed] himself between the bed and the wall and masturbate[ed] while he molested her’ (The Cut, 2019) From this I reduced my search purely to doctors that had sexually assaulted their patients in the UK and found the case of Manish Shah who was ‘jailed for using guise of intimate medical examinations to sexually assault women patients’ (CPS, 2020). My immediate reaction to both of these cases was complete shock and disgust. Both cases had only gone to trial in 2019, I hadn’t computed the idea that crimes like this still took place in the UK. I presented these cases to my group alongside other cases that they had found, and we quickly agreed that we wanted to focus on the stories of women who had been sexually assaulted by their doctors. The main reason behind our decision was because we wanted to focus on something relevant to today and through our research, we learnt that cases like these two are not uncommon in the UK and the US they are just rarely spoken about.

0 notes

dentifyco-blog · 7 years ago

Text

Social Media Marketing for Dentists

In the past 10 years, the percentage of the U.S. population using social media has gone from around 25% up to 70-80%. You can do the math—the majority of your patients and prospective patients use social media, and this will most likely only expand as technology and the way we use it continues to advance. Are you utilizing social media for the benefit of your dental practice?

Why Social Media Marketing Is Important… Even for Dentists

Gain Both Visibility & New Patients

If your business doesn’t have an online presence in today’s digital world, it might as well not even exist to many people (especially in the rising generation). You wouldn’t want your physical office location to be difficult to find, or to be far away from the places frequented by the average patient in your target market. Similarly, you don’t want your practice’s presence online to be difficult to find, or to be completely separate from the online places frequented by the patients in your area. You should have a user-friendly, optimized practice website, and then you should establish links between your site and your presence on social media platforms and review outlets. More traffic to and from your website and dental social media profiles means more new patient opportunities. The more people see of your practice both online and in person—and the better it looks to them—the more apt they are to contact your office.

Build Credibility & Manage Your Reputation

People use the internet in a variety of ways while searching for healthcare providers. If someone has dental insurance, they can check their insurance website first for in-network providers. Many patients will then go to the dentists’ websites and also reference Google, Facebook, Yelp, and other online reviews as they weigh their options. When people find your practice online, will they see recent reviews from satisfied patients as well as activity on your dentist Facebook page (the most popular social media platform)? During a patient’s decision-making process about a “dental home,” every bit of reinforcement helps. Your website, the photos and videos of your dental office, your online reviews, and your practice’s relevant activity on social media will all work together to build your credibility and enhance your appeal. If you want insured patients to come to you as an out-of-network provider, meaning more out-of-pocket expense for them, then your marketing better make a good case for why they should do that.

Around 30-40% of people don’t have dental benefits and, depending on your practice model, you need a strategy to be a viable option for these patients. We won’t go into all the ways to reach and accommodate uninsured people here, but we want to at least mention that these patients don’t start their search for a dentist with any limitation of an insurance network list. If they’re looking on their own, just between them and the search engines, are they going to find you on the first pages of search results, on the map, and/or in the sponsored listings (paid ads)? If they turn to their social media network on Facebook for a recommendation for a dentist, are you established enough in that network to be easily referred by patients to their friends? People are typically more inclined to trust a referral from a friend than to respond to first-time advertising, so include review and referral solicitation as part of your overall marketing plan. Social media provides a natural, relatively easy outlet for you to gather more patient reviews and for people to help spread the word about you.

Communicate & Strengthen Patient Relationships

When you engage with your patient base on your dental social media, you add another line of communication with them and, consequently, a greater feeling of availability to them. Sure, they can call your office; yes, your website is there for them to visit. But, if they don’t have something specific to motivate them to do these things, such as a dental problem or a semiannual checkup, are they going to do them? Probably not. What they probably are going to do on any given day is check Facebook and/or Instagram, and in many cases they’ll do it often. Be seen there sometimes! Humanize your brand in your dental social media posts, portray your team as both professional and personable, and broadcast interesting and exciting updates about your practice and community. You may be surprised by the strengthened patient loyalty and increased top-of-mind awareness that comes from effective social media. Pay attention to the way your patients react to your social media marketing activity so you can adjust it accordingly to maximize its benefits.

Where to Start with Dental Social Media

To DIY or Not?

So you want to try social media for your dental practice. First item of business? Decide how much you’re going to do yourself and how much you’d like to outsource, whether to a professional or to a staff member (or a combination of the two). Next, determine which social platforms will work well for your practice. We think it’s best to focus on quality content posted to fewer platforms, as opposed to spreading yourself too thin with poor quality or insufficient quantity across all platforms. Make your social media platform choices based on where your target audience will be able to see you most.

You should participate in your practice’s social media marketing on a limited basis, but it’s not the most profitable way for you to spend your valuable time. We suggest assigning someone on your team who will be good at managing your social media presence and who will enjoy doing it. In addition, recruit whatever level of help you need from a professional individual or team. When you’re getting started, invite your employees, colleagues (who aren’t competitors), and friends to follow your accounts.

Be Personal, Not Clinical or Salesy

Be more personal in posts aimed for patients. Don’t talk AT them, try to talk WITH them by posting engaging content and by encouraging interaction in the form of reactions, comments, and shares. You can set up notifications to enable your social media team to respond to comments and messages from your audience in a timely manner. Maintain brand consistency in your messages and voice across all social platforms. As part of this, use your dental practice logo as your profile picture or avatar.

If you have a dramatic before and after to showcase, wonderful! Keep HIPAA in mind, though, and get all necessary permission before sharing any patient information. The best scenario is when patients are excited enough about their smile makeover results to share the big reveal across their own social media networks. Other than that, save your clinical communications for interactions with colleagues.

Don’t try to sell in every post. It may seem counterintuitive since we’re talking about social media marketing for dentists, but in the social realm you need to find a balance between sharing to sell and sharing simply to engage. If your dental social media is overly promotional, patients will tune it out or stop following it altogether. Incorporate enough that’s interesting, useful, and fun (or whatever style works with your patient base) to not become mere noise. Also, avoid anything mundane or, worse, controversial. Utilize your social media posts to pass along stories of interest about your area, and also to share your team’s involvement in community service.

Plan to Stay Active

Depending on the social media platforms, your goals, and your available time and resources, post daily or 2-3 times a week. Don’t let your account stagnate or it can reflect poorly on your business. As you gain momentum, make a plan for maintaining it at a sufficient level. A content calendar will help a great deal. Plan ahead for what you can realistically stick to, and don’t hesitate to recruit help if you realize your staff needs it. For your calendar, planning can be made easier if you choose recurring “themes” and assign them to times of the week or month. For example, on Mondays, you could ring in the new week by sharing an interesting news story about your area or from the dental industry. On Wednesdays, you could acknowledge and brighten “hump day” with a joke, comic strip, or lighthearted post about happenings in your office. Once a month, you could feature a patient’s story (with their permission, of course). You get the idea. For your content plan, you can start light to ease in, and then increase posting frequency as you get the hang of it and see how your posts work for your practice.

Ideas for Using Social Media for Dentists

Facebook

Facebook is the most popular social media platform and the best choice for promoting your dental practice socially. If you choose one platform, make it Facebook. Start by creating a business profile, or page, and get it verified. In addition to regular Facebook posts (which you can boost to increase visibility), you can also use Facebook Ads to target potential patients. Facebook is a great place to solicit reviews, as well.

#dentifyco marketingfordentists dentistmarketing affordablemarketingfordentists dentalpracticemarketing

1 note · View note