#the only other time ive been thinking about importance of set design was during a show at work

[vogelmeister]

at little women and i forgot how genuinely trigging amy burning jo’s story is.

[passive-t-u-m-b-l-r-user]

I hate this horrible game of telephone people are playing with Nomura's Interview.

Read it yourself. Stop freaking out and misinterpreting.

...

Young Jump Interview Page 3

(Translated by Liodin on KHInsider)

Q1: The Kingdom Hearts series has many intricate settings and characters. How do you consolidate these and communicate them to the team?

TN: I don't think the team fully understands everything. For example, during recordings, sometimes the staff explaining the settings or characters to the voice actors will ask me, “This is correct, right?” and I might respond, “No, not quite.” This kind of back-and-forth happens (laughs). However, it’s understandable because I’m the only one who knows the parts of the characters that haven't been depicted yet. I personally navigate through the complex storylines, constantly swaying between different directions. On the other hand, I encourage the team to question or point out anything to me.

Q2: Do you have a sort of "bible" or documentation for the settings?

TN: I do have personal notes to ensure I don't forget things. These include the footsteps of important characters, events that haven't been depicted yet, and future developments.

Q3: So, these aren’t shared with the team?

TN: No, I keep them a secret (laughs). But when necessary, I sometimes write sudden bursts of detailed settings into the script to make sure the staff understands.

Q4: In Kingdom Hearts, you seem to lay out foreshadowing that spans multiple installments. How do you keep track of everything?

TN: A lot of it is written in my notes, but I also rely on the staff to remember things. Since I enjoy watching videos, I sometimes check gameplay footage and fan theories on YouTube. Rather than relying on my notes, I often ask the staff how things played out in previous titles.

Q5: Do you watch fan theory videos? Do you ever think, “They’ve figured it out, so I’ll change it,” or “They don’t get it at all”?

TN: I find them genuinely interesting to watch. Often, I think, “It’s not as complicated as people think.” I’m frequently impressed by how deeply people analyze things. For instance, some people try to connect Kingdom Hearts to the Final Fantasy series, but the writers for each are different, and even though I’m involved with both, there’s no connection between the titles.

Q6: At the time of the first Kingdom Hearts, I assume you didn’t have the entire current storyline planned. As the series progresses and more settings and characters are introduced, does it become increasingly difficult to maintain coherence? Do you mostly make things up as you go?

TN: I had a general direction from the first game. As I mentioned earlier, I do take notes on future developments. When things don’t quite align with the planned direction, I make adjustments on the fly. While the details weren’t fully fleshed out at the time of Kingdom Hearts I (released in 2002), I had thought about the next few installments ahead of time. So, while we were working on Kingdom Hearts III (released in 2019), I already had Kingdom Hearts IV and beyond in mind and worked toward that.

Q7: This year, Kingdom Hearts: Missing-Link, a mobile app, is also set for release. With important story elements being released on mobile or handheld devices, are you concerned that some players may lose track of the storyline?

TN: Yes, that is a concern (laughs). That’s why Missing-Link takes place in a much earlier timeline than the main Kingdom Hearts series. However, as fans often joke, “Even though Kingdom Hearts IV is coming out, it’s really more like Kingdom Hearts XIII” since the non-numbered titles are obviously connected. Still, I believe it allows for a deeper enjoyment of the Kingdom Hearts universe. That said, both Missing-Link and Kingdom Hearts IV are being designed with a strong emphasis on being standalone titles rather than just sequels. For instance, a new approach in the scenario writing is that I’ve had staff members who haven’t been involved in Kingdom Hearts before join the writing process. Of course, I’ll make final adjustments, but the base script was written by people unfamiliar with the series, which is why I don’t think these projects will feel like obligatory follow-ups. With Missing-Link, we’re addressing “the lost history,” so the expectation is that not knowing everything is part of the experience. If you know the lore, it’s more enjoyable, but it’s not a prerequisite.

Q8: Much like how starting a long-running manga series can be daunting, the large number of Kingdom Hearts titles poses a similar challenge. How do you plan to attract new users?

TN: I’d love to know the answer to that (laughs). As I mentioned earlier, Missing-Link and Kingdom Hearts IV are kind of reset points for me. I felt like Kingdom Hearts III was a natural conclusion of sorts, so we’re resetting things by bringing in new writers and even redesigning the logo to make the series more accessible.

Q9: So, that’s why the logo changed.

TN: If you’ve seen the ending of Kingdom Hearts III, you’ll understand, but the way Sora’s story ended was a way to reset things, so Kingdom Hearts IV should be more accessible than previous titles. Of course, longtime fans will recognize the familiar feel of the series, but we’re designing it to be approachable for newcomers as well.

Q10: In a past interview, you mentioned that players would spend a lot of time in “Quadratum” (a field resembling Shibuya) in Kingdom Hearts IV. Why bring in a more realistic setting to a world that was previously pure fantasy?

TN: There are a few reasons, but I personally like settings that are slightly removed from reality rather than being completely fantastical. It’s the same with films—I find it harder to get immersed in worlds that are entirely fictional with no connection to reality. That’s why Quadratum is based on Shibuya but isn’t the real Shibuya. I’m fascinated by the idea of a slightly off-kilter version of reality, rather than a pure fantasy world.

Q11: Manga like Tokyo Ghoul, set in Tokyo, and Jujutsu Kaisen, with its Shibuya arc, are similar in that they use real-world locations. Perhaps fans of both manga and games enjoy these grounded yet fantastical settings.

TN: That might be true. It’s easier to relate to. Additionally, I’ve always thought there were plenty of creators already doing medieval high fantasy, so I didn’t need to. In 2007, we released The World Ends with You, which was also set in Shibuya, but now many works use Shibuya as a setting. It feels like everyone has come to Shibuya (laughs).

Q12: It does seem like more works are set in Japan these days. Speaking of the mix between reality and fantasy, at the beginning of Kingdom Hearts, there’s a monologue where Sora says, “I’ve been having these weird thoughts lately… Like, is any of this for real or not?” Did you already have Quadratum in mind back then?

TN: The name “Quadratum” didn’t exist at that time, but I had the concept in mind. It was a long-term plan that I knew we would eventually reach (laughs).

Q13: So it’s a 20-year-long payoff for that foreshadowing. Lastly, do you see the ending of the Kingdom Hearts series in the future?

TN: To give you a realistic answer, I’m approaching retirement age, so it’s becoming a race between retirement and finishing the series (laughs). However, I am creating Kingdom Hearts IV with the intent of leading toward the series’ conclusion.

https://www.khinsider.com/forums/index.php?threads/when-are-we-expecting-news.238707/post-6668282

[canayams-art]

i also feel like the animation this season is different, more crisps or something, because it looks even better than season 1 already gorgeous one. fengqing taking hold of me again was unexpected, but im dealing with the onslaught of emotions! i think it's just been too long since ive seen them in new scenes :"))

LQQ IS THE MVP OF THE DONGHUA AT THIS POINT! i looooove his design so much, more than the manhua one personally, and every scene he was in was soo good, i would have hard time choosing the one favorite as well. i think lqq debut this season was absolutely on point, and honestly i love watching him on my screen. he's so precious and when i tell you every scenes he's in makes me love him more and more im not kidding.

KEJEJJRJRJ FY AND LQQ INTERACTION WOULD HAVE BEEN SOO GOOD! especially considering mq is much more open as fu yao and being touched by lqq's sincerity and concern for mq would be right there on his face. (dw they make me cry as well🥹) i think i would also like to explore lqq's reaction to qi rong insulting mq, or maybe even their interactions during the aftermath of the tong'lu. mq being canonically good with children and helping lqq with guzi would be soo cute 🥰🥺 their potential for a strong and genuine companionship has me squealing as i write this, no lie

im so with you on your view of quirong!! it's definitely not a ship for me, even if i do tend to give every ship i come across a chance. although i think a fandom as well plays a role in my dislike, the overall impression of the ship didn't really give me the right vibe to like it either. im not above liking a pretty fanart for them when i come across it, but overall i just don't care about them. however it is always nice when you come across someone who also isn't a fan of the popular ship, makes you feel less crazy for not liking them 😭

mhmm if only more people thought like that, the discourses in the fandom would not exist :") it's so silly thinking everyone would have the same taste about fiction and media they watch and choose to interact with, and if that were to be the case the fandoms would be such a dull place to be. everyday i feel like the fandoms have went from a fun place to find like-minded people who enjoy things you do and with whom you can gush over your silly little blorbos, to this draining chore where you're constantly afraid someone will be on your throat for whatever reason if you dare say something about any character whether you like them or don't. it's honestly becoming exhausting but that's exactly why curating your own fandom experience and environment is important to have fun.

im personally ready to drop a fic if i see a trope i don't like or interpretation i don't agree with, even if i was already invested into the story prior. im willing to look past the characterization issue when the fics are clearly meant to be crack, but otherwise it really is very important to me that characters be the closest to canon as possible, especially in canon universe. modern aus are tricky, but honestly with enough lore throw in to explain it, i can swallow slight mischaracterization. anything fanon related tho, yeah im dipping so fast 😭 gods i sure sound pretentious and nitpicky about this but it's true, i learned the hard way that the only way to enjoy a fandoms is to set standards for what you like and not and not really care about others opinions, it's so much more enjoyable and you will eventually find the like-minded people who will support your delusions

side characters are gold mine when it comes to fics and general fandom experience, and from what ive noticed, the less popular the better ���😭 sure you will probably have to make your own fan work but it's soo worth it at the end of the day! also less discourses so it's definitely a win. i also feel like the side characters/pairings usually have more interesting concepts when it comes to fics/art 🤔 this is not the case in every fandom but from my experiences, fics and art about side characters somehow feel more satisfying? idk to me it always comes across how people make a thing without it being cut out and served for them by already established canon, so to me it always feels more enjoyable to interact with such works

FIRST TIME DRAWING SQX?!?!?!!! IM ALMOST TEMPTED NOT TO BELIEVE IT! SQX IS SO GORGEOUS IN YOU ARTSTYLE AND IM DEFINITELY LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING THEM AGAIN AT SOME POINT IF YOU DECIDE TO DRAW THEM AGAIN! im also not so subtly stalking you account for any lqq rarepait you decide to grace us with 👀👀

I’m so sad we have to wait a little longer for the next episode to come out,,,,, I need to see fengqing more 😭 Also!!! Lqq really is the heart and soul of the season so far!!! I guess that makes sense considering we’re right in the middle of his arc but he really is such a joy to see in every scene— they really made him so baby and if last episode is anything to go by they’re about to make him so anguished (affectionate). I love this boy so much.

Also every time we bring up more and more different qianqing scenarios, I can’t help feeling that they’re actually so surprisingly complimentary to each other. Now I’m actually just disappointed that mxtx never really explored their dynamic. Lqq would’ve been a perfect ally in mq’s hardships and mq would’ve been a such an asset to have in the search for qr and the management of Guzi’s care (not sure if mq would be nurturing but he’d definitely come through with a lot of “Why aren’t you [insert form of care here] ?”). They could’ve benefited from being closer.

I think there’s something novel about side characters and rarepairs that makes them (personally) so appealing. We don’t see so much about them so we want to know more and from that want comes so much unique and interesting exploration. I just read an entire story about a pair of main guys— I wanna know more about the people who were a part of their story. It’s about the fun of redirecting the spotlight 🥹

(Also I think in a way everyone is a little pretentious with their personal preferences for what they enjoy and how they enjoy it. If the writing or the art isn’t doing anything for you or it loses you along the way then that’s just part of the subjective experience of the arts! It’s okay to admit to being picky or selective.)

Anyway—! As a lqq art peddler I am happy to keep peddling more lqq art in the future. Might even start drawing more donghua lqq (manhua lqq is very special to me but donghua lqq has charmed me so much 😭). I really gotta get back into the frenzied rate at which I used to draw him— now with a couple extra boyfriends LMAO.

[memecucker]

idk if you've already talked about this but what do you think of the idea of cultural appropriation when it comes to closed practices? like when white people wanna wear war bonnets or claim they're doing voodoo

So the issue here isn’t “cultural appropriation” as people use the term but rather respect of particular practices. For example war bonnets have been given to non-Natives as formal gifts from, during WW2 the Indian Confederation of America voted to gift war bonnets to Joseh Stalin as well as Dwight Eisenhower and Douglas Macarthur. The NY Times article in particular is interesting because it talks about how it was a Mohawk war bonnet that was in the possession of a Mohawk chief named Fallen Trees and that it was originally planned to be given to Major Gen. Alexander Repin who was in charge of the Soviet military mission to the US and it was felt that since obviously Stalin couldn’t accept it in person another man who was himself a war leader could accept in his place. However Repin had to abruptly return to the Soviet Union and the Indian Confederation of America did not wish to hand it off to a subordinate officer because only another leader of warriors should accept in in place of the ultimate recipient so instead they modified the ceremony and handed it to the civilian Edward Carter of the Russian War Relief charity group and presented not as Carter “accepting” it but rather being tasked with the role of a “messenger” who would deliver it to Stalin (rather than if Repin was still in the US in which case he’d accept for Stalin in abstenstia with a ceremony looking more like the ones for American generals rather than a more low-key handoff). The reason I focused on that for a bit is that it shows how the ICA wasn’t just some random group that handed out war bonnets to random famous people as favors but was an organization of native people that took these cultural traditions very seriously and specifically the act of gifting it to an outsider was part of it and came with its own set of rules.

If your intent is to be respectful of other cultural practices then this involves understanding the rules, not making up and blankety applying them which is what contemporary CA discourse does. My issue with the way “closed cultural practice” (and especially “closed culture”) is often used is that it’s assumed it’s only a “do not touch” sign like in a museum when in fact there are particular rules and traditions and oftentimes competing ones. So in the above example the war bonnets were given to non-natives but after a process of deliberation and decision by a group representing various tribes from the northeast. This is important because CA discourse has a habit of focusing on the what’s styled as the “transgressors” and I remember weird articles with titles like “How To Know If Your Comitting Cultural Appropriation” which tends to focus on the “intent” of the (implicitly white) reader rather than understanding the particular rules that go into a culture because it puts all the “rules” on the outsider and doesn’t emphasize that if your intent is to respect traditional customs then you learn what the traditional rules for the custom in question is (thus you get kimono and henna discourse which have never had any kind of rule about outsider wearing but people wanna distract you from that).

Another example i often use for this sorta question is Whang-od of the Butbut tribe of the Kalinga people and the last surviving master of traditional indigenous Kalinga tattooing. Traditionally the tattoos have been reserved for members of the same tribe (not simply “reserved for other Kalinga” as ive seen some people say, or even worse “reserved for other Filipinos”). The reason for this closed practice wasn’t “just because” but because of the particular meanings conveyed by the tattoos. Tattoos whose art designs are intended to represent ones ancestry in the tribe don’t make sense for outsiders to have because designs signify lines of ancestry within the tribe so if you aren’t descended from the tattoo artists tribe those don’t make sense to have. A large eagle tattoo was among most prestigious tattoos only to be given a brave warrior of the tribe who killed and decapitated an enemy and Whang-od not only doesn’t do that for outsiders but no one because she believes the design is reserved specifically for warriors who either participated in or defended the tribe from head-hunting raids rather than a general idea of a brave soldier but the traditional Kalinga practice of headhunting ended decades ago (IIRC the last confirmed headhuntting raid was in the 1970s) and thus the meaning the tattoo conveys has fallen into disuse and thus it is no longer to be given. However Whang-od did open up other designs to people not of the Butbut tribe if they’re willing to make the long difficult trek to her village and undergo the long and painful process of traditional tattooing. The designs she uses with outsiders aren’t things that relate to being a member of her tribe but rather other designs that convey a magical meaning. So for example a tattoo that’s meant the bless the bearer with fertility/virility or to ward off evil spirits.

So are these “closed” or “open” practices? I think that’s a bad framework to approach the issue from the outset. It tries to encourage respect but without encouraging learning first.

[probably-haven]

Spoilers Galor ...... it is time.... for me to do what ive been considering for quite some time

this is my arguement... on why, whether romantically or platonically, i think you should ship or bro-ship,...... Childe.... and Albedo

HERE ME OUT I SWEAR PLEASE IT MAKES SENSE IN MY HEAD- JUST GIVE IT A CHANCE! rarepair shipping is painful- join me

OR DONT EVEN IF YOU DONT WANT TO GIVE THE SHIP A CHANCE I DO A LOT OF ANALYSIS ON ALBEDO AND CHILDE’S CHARACTERS INDIVIDUALLY, AS WELL AS THE FATUI, THEYRE METHODS, AND THE RELATION WITH MONDSTADT- AND OTHER STUFF- just- if you like reading different analysis-es of the game or ship material or anything- 

please just consider skimming it possibly- 

so for the first section of my argument, i will cover why this is a largely feasible possibility, so let’s set the stage

- Childe is from Snezhnaya, and he is shown to have a large amount of ties to his home, including but not limited to; his family, ice fishing, and just a large number of nostalgic references in his voice lines. 

- Because of this it’s a pretty common occurrence that he finds himself feeling homesick, as with many of the other Fatui.

- This is why he, like many of the other Fatui, so frequently visit and camp within Dragonspine, where the cold snowy atmosphere serves to remind them of home and the things they left behind.

- also in his birthday letter, it says he canonically visits Dragonspine, but explaining it this way gives it feeling 

- so considering that he would be in Dragonspine relatively often, and given the large number of Fatui camps in there regardless, it’s pretty clear he’d have heard of Albedo. So onto Albedo (unfortunately i wasnt there for his event so i dont have as much fuel, but it is what it is)

- there’s a few things that need to be asked first- It’s pretty clear that Albedo must have some interaction with the Fatui given the sheer number of them that camp in Dragonspine. Evidentially, he’s still alive so the question is why? and there’s a few possible explanations for this.

     - He just sneaks around a lot or avoids them (this i think is unlikely, as it would limit his actions while conducting experiments as well as the places where he’d be able to conduct them, which isn’t a big deal, but when there are other options I don’t think this is the one he’d pick)      - He just pulls a traveler and kills them (i don’t think he would do this except for as a last resort, he’s rather disconnected from any sense of empathy yes, but his time is better spent elsewhere. If it comes to that, it comes to that and he will, but he wouldn’t do it as his first option) (also i dont use geo characters much so idk how good he’d be at breaking their shields in this case)      - The Fatui don’t bother or attack him out of their own choice

- i think the third is the most likely, which sounds dumb but hear me out. 

- something that is stressed time and time again during the mondstadt archon quest is the fact that nobody wants to increase the always present strain on diplomatic relations between Mondstadt and Snezhnaya.      - Sure the Fatui do not care very much about this and have many ways to get around this. Signora attacking Venti (technically not a diplomat, and by disappearing she had plausible deniability; traveler’s words against her own, and really both traveler and Venti weren’t supposed to survive that, hence “leave no trace”), or the Fatui constantly attacking the traveler, (who’s canonically travelling alone with only Paimon, always on the move and encountering many unfamiliar dangers, not hard to clear up)      - However despite this, I still believe that Albedo’s safety(and by extent that of Sucrose and Timeus) on Dragonspine is maintained by a mixture of political agreement, situational convenience, and Albedo’s own actions

- its difficult for this to work but i believe it’s the most likely answer, combining all three possibilities that i mentioned above.  - Albedo is an official Knight of Favonius, so his death would cause a pretty dramatic commotion, and since he’s been in Dragonspine for as long as he has, if he was found dead outside of his lab- or suddenly disappeared, the first person to blame would be the Fatui.

- “But Flurp! what about the stuff you mentioned earlier, with Senora’s attack and the Fatui always going after the traveler?”

- context is key. The traveler is a traveler, and Venti was a necessity to achieve their goal. The traveler is also a huge threat to what they are trying to do, since the Fatui have probably heard of their accomplishments. Them attacking Venti was inevitable, no matter the strain it would cause. The fact that the traveler was there as well was merely coincidence in my opinion

- again “leave no trace” means the intent was that both the Traveller and Venti weren’t meant to survive. This is important because if the traveler disappeared, they would have vanished shortly after finishing what they had to do in mondstadt and thered be no reason to suspect anything had happened to them, just that they had moved onto Liyue. 

- Venti would pose risk, but again, the pros outweighed any risk it could have posed to their relations.

- with the Fatui regularly attacking the Traveler, again, that’s easy to clear up and would be difficult to pin on the Fatui, assuming how long it would take to realize they were gone (because despite helping so many people, its still natural to assume they’ve just travelled elsewhere)

- Albedo on the other hand, is technically a legal official, because of his high rank in the knights. He is also only ever really found in Dragonspine and Mondstadt the city. And he is well familiar with the dangers of Dragonspine, so if he were to die there it would be assumed to be either at the hands of the Fatui, or one of his own experiments.

- Thus attacking him is very high risk(unlike the traveler), and since he has nothing to do with their plans, low reward(unlike Venti). 

- So most likely he doesn’t needlessly interact with the Fatui, but should an experiment need to expand into the space of one of their camps, it’s likely he would need some kind of documentation to do so. At the same time, Albedo himself would also not be able to harm the Fatui who frequent the mountain. I TOOK WAY TO LONG TO EXPLAIN THAT UGGGGHHHHHHH anyways

- So set the stage, Childe is visiting Dragonspine, right? And he hears from whichever Fatui Camp he happens to stop in about the one Knight of Favonius that they keep seeing around Dragonspine, the one who just last week came to them with a stack of documents saying they would have to move their camp, it’s annoying but they have orders not to attack him. 

- and then there’s Childe, who’s been living in Liyue, surrounded by people who basically fear Dragonspine as if its some kind of deadzone, and he just assumed that for anyone not from Snezhnaya, thats exactly what it was. He assumed nobody but the Fatui would dare even visit there, let alone be there as frequently as whoever this person was. 

- And he’s got to be pretty important for there to be orders not to attack him, right?       - cue Childe’s unique brand of curiosity, so he asks more, apparently the fellow has a geo vision, and had been spotted taking down or even just lurking by a number of Dragonspine’s dangers as though it was merely routine       - cue flashback to when he first met the traveler, instantly hesitant, hostile, and potentially even afraid towards him as soon as he realized he was Fatui, even before revealing himself as a harbinger.

- so what was it about this guy that made him so convinced he could walk into a Fatui camp alone, order them around, and still walk out alive. Even Childe could admit how underhanded the Fatui were at times, their true orders could have been anything

- He’s not just going to leave now, no. So he asks more questions and figures out that they did at one point scout out his lab while the Knight was out, and give him the location. He’s a harbinger, what are they gonna say “sorry sir, can’t tell ya” no, these bitches see him with the same amount of fear they’d have for Dotorre or Scaramouche or La Signora or any of the others- you don’t just tell a harbinger “no”

- So anyways Childe decides to check it out 

- in the case that Albedo’s mid experiment in his lab when this happens, he’ll probably assume it’s a Knight, since the Fatui haven’t tried anything in quite some time and would just send off a quick “I am in the middle of an experiment right now, I would prefer not to be disturbed”      - and Childe would laugh at his voice because let’s be honest, he thinks of himself as a Chad and it just sounds “weak” to him, and then the scenario leads into what would happen even if he wasnt mid-experiment

and now a look into Albedo’s perspective

- let’s assume that the Knights heard about the Traveler’s role in what happened in Liyue, since it’s kind of common knowledge that Childe was the one who did it, and the traveler doesn’t exactly try to hide that he fought Childe. So considering how often the knights and the Fatui clash, and what happened with Signora, they would likely ask the traveler about it, in order to be better prepared, and for that same reason i feel like the traveler would tell them some of it. 

- so in this situation, it’s likely that Albedo would recognize him and likely know an amount of his combat abilities, and the thing with the fake seals of permission/Osial, but I don’t think the Traveler would have given told any more than that

- so here’s Albedo, surrounded by Fatui camps, knowing that he knows more about this Harbinger than the other thinks he does and assuming that Childe knows more about him himself, but just how much does he know.

- it’s the first time one of the Fatui has come to his lab in- he doesn’t know how long (other than the occasional instance of a wounded member risking the encounter in a moment of desperation. He’s observed that those who wield hydro have never been present in any of these instances, and are most likely designated as healers, but he isn’t in the best position to find out.)      - and the fact that the first Fatui to come to his camp(out of anything other than necessity) is a Harbinger, is certainly very off putting, as he knows that Childe most certainly has the ability to change the orders of the Fatui around him whose cooperation with him is something that he recognizes as very fragile

- and he knows it’s unlikely, in the back of his mind he keeps recalling that this specific Harbinger is the one who resurrected a dead god for the purpose of destroying a city (flashback to the famous “if I destroy Mondstadt” line) but he reminds himself that it’s highly improbable and thus illogical to jump to that conclusion, but he is nonetheless very on edge with Childe’s presence

- However, as with the rest of the Fatui, his hands are legally tied, and unless Childe moves to attack him, any move he makes would only serve to reflect on the rest of the knights

- As such neither would attack the other in this scenario, though Childe would very much want to, and Albedo would very much be prepared to.      - and both of these people are very observant (Albedo in the general sense and Childe in the ‘reading body language for combat’ sense) so both of them are completely aware of that, though Albedo would probably acknowledge that it may just be a result of his own paranoia

- However, unless Childe has orders otherwise, he tends to approach interactions with a more amiable attitude, extending his hand and introducing himself as “Childe,” less flamboyant than normal, because yes he’s extra, but not an idiot, he’s not gonna say “hey girlie, hold still” when the guy obviously has his hand tensed like that, “discretely” ready to reach for whats assumed to be a weapon, a melee one based on the position, sword or polearm probably

- Albedo, isn’t really one for pleasantries though, he has a number of things he still needs to do, and he does not want this Harbinger in or nearby his camp. “I’m aware” he says, giving his full attention, so as not to be caught off guard, and to get this over as quickly as possible. “I assume you have some purpose behind this visit. I am rather busy at the moment, so i would prefer that we keep this interaction brief.”

- and Childe is a little shit who still doesn’t know how to associate violence and hostility with any kind of bad vibes so he just laughs and holds up his hands “relax relax, I’m not here on business, no need to be on edge, right?”

- But Childe has a tendency while speaking to, knowingly or unknowingly, give his words a rather ominous tone. That and the fact that Albedo is in his lab, one of few places in Dragonspine where any misfortune that might befall him could be pinned on his own experiments keeps him from letting down his guard just yet. 

HOWEVER i cant do dialogue... and this isn’t technically a fanfiction so i can summarize-

- Childe is basically all like “so why the shit are you in dragonspine comrade? i thought yall hated it”

- and albedo is all “experiments and this is where my lab is, is ” but like- not key details cuz he isnt going to reveal stuff to the fatui

-and Childe basically be like “ why up here, isnt there other places,” cuz he legit doesn’t get it. He gets that his mindset isn’t the norm, so he’d assume Albedo would want to do anything to avoid Dragonspine and its dangers like what seems to be the norm for what most people hes interacted with have generally agreed

- and Albedo says some flowery words for like oh “In the pursuit of knowledge if one allows themselves to be dissuaded by potential dangers, then they will find it quite difficult to progress beyond that which is already known”

- which, is important cuz it reflects Childe’s mindset on getting stronger, so he’s like yeah, checks out, and being the extroverted shit he is, he has the guts to ask “aren’t you gonna ask why im in dragonspine?” or something because honestly he likes talking about himself, and thats a topic that doesnt have to do with the fatui so it’s an easy way to make conversation.

- and Albedo, who has by now slightly relaxed just enough to resume preparing the experiment he was preparing before Childe came in. and all passive aggressively is like “The same as the rest of the Fatui, most likely. Now if you don’t mind I do have a number of experiments to conduct and I’m afraid it can get rather dangerous, so it would be best that you take your leave now”

- and Childe gets the message that he’s essentially being told to fuck off but he’s also cheeky as shit and absolutely loves to test his luck so he’d be all “I thought you said not to be dissuaded by potential dangers” sounding all proud of himself for using the other’s words against him 

- and Albedo doesn’t have time for this so he just turns back towards Childe, same tone and same face as before, and repeats “it would best that you take your leave”

- Now Childe doesn’t see this as a challenge persay, but he sees how easily it can turn into one, and speaks the two cliche words “make me”

- but Albedo is also a little shit and just turns to resume his experiment, letting out a sigh “Stay if you’d like. I didn’t consider this possibility but I may have to request my lab be made off limits to the Fatui. A shame, I didn’t plan to return to Mondstadt for quite some time”

- and Childe, he’s decently smart- and he knows a number of things, 1 the other harbingers are gonna be pissed if they find out he caused more work for them again, 2 this individual is interesting and he very much wants the opportunity to fight them in the future, and 3 he’s not involved in politics and should Albedo follow through, the Harbingers wouldn’t give 2 shits if he asked them to try and get the change reversed.

- and so he leaves, but he’ll be back

- Albedo’s threat may have given him the upper hand for now, but it also served as a challenge he wouldn’t forget.       - of course it’s not really that big a deal though, just if he’s ever in Dragonspine again and there’s nothing nearby to kill, he’d keep it in mind, and hey, best case scenario he can get more information to contribute to the Fatui

OKAY

- so now that Childe is gone and Albedo is able to reflect on the interaction, at first he’s just relieved nothing bad happened

- within the following day he reflects once again, deciding that the Harbinger most likely wasn’t lying about his intentions, he truly did seem seem to merely have been curious as he had claimed

- in hindsight he also realizes that conversing with him may also allow him to confirm or deny a number of the theories he had on the Fatui, or perhaps raise more questions for him to look into that he had not yet considered... or at least it could as long as he was careful about how he asked.

- AND THUS there a few more meetings, many are purely conversational, each trying to get knowledge from the other while being fully aware that the other is trying to do the same      - not the type of battle Childe is used to, and it does get boring at times, but it’s all part of the game so he persists

- and eventually, as Albedo recognizes this as a regular thing, he begins enlisting Childe’s help in a number of experiments. Just figuring that since he’s doing an experiment and Childe is there regardless, it’s the most efficient option. That and it keeps the more dangerous questions to a minimum, often redirecting the questions towards alchemy, a much safer topic that he does not need to step so carefully around in order to discuss.

- There comes a point where Childe decides to point out the fact that Albedo most often has him help out with combat-requiring aspects of his experiments, and questions why

- Albedo, figuring it was obvious, reminds him of the conversation a few visits ago, where Childe mentioned his drive to get stronger, and(to requote) said that if he didn’t feel these opponents were sufficient to increase Childe’s strength, he could always bring in a couple Oceanids to fight. He then points out afterwards that ruin guards are a bit easier to fight with a bow

- Mixed responses from Childe including but not limited to      - quickly refusing in the language of hydro vision panic, followed quickly by      - oh, so he’s been trying to help this whole time, to-      - how the fuck would he bring Oceanids to Dragonspine, is that even possible?      - followed by curiosity

- and so he brings up the point that he’s never seen Albedo fight, which is a shame. “If you can’t take them down on your own just say so, no need to make excuses.” because heck yeah he’s going to taunt him, I mean this is Childe

- which of course Albedo returns with “If you want to see me in combat, follow your own advice” because of course, by now he knows about Childe’s combat obsession, like you don’t need to know him that long to figure it out, its kind of obvious. 

- but he recognizes the intention, so he finishes what he’s doing checking what he needs for his future plans before exiting the lab, Childe following behind him, eager to see his future opponent in action

- so albedo goes to a ruin guard/grader/hunter(one of those), because otherwise it’s hilichurls or abyss mages and he knows enough to be able to tell that’s not exactly the kind of opponent Childe meant, and he would prefer not to have the topic brought up again, if he knew how to avoid it.

- so Childe stands back and Albedo, who is well accustomed to having to defeat the enemies in Dragonspine in order to get components for his alchemy knows exactly how to kill this bitch cuz honestly, the number of these guys he’s probably killed for research purposes is astronomical, so it’s done rather quickly and methodically, as if just another part of routine, exactly the way that it had been described when Childe was first asking the Fatui at that one camp about the alchemist.

- And that interest/intrigue that had started in the side of Childe’s mind and grew over time into one of the reasons(tho not the main reason) that he would often go to Dragonspine... it multiplied exponentially

- cue a few more visits and a new turning point occurs

Klee

- Childe comes to visit, and upon arriving at the lab he sees a child

- cue Childe approaching again, amiable grin on is face “and who’s this young lady”       - because it’s literally canon that he’s good with kids

.....

- but Klee isn’t any kid

- and Klee was there for the briefing so she has just as much information on Childe as any of the other higher ranking knights      - and only that much information

- a short time later they’re cleaning up the scattered remains of what was Albedo’s last experiment, lucky that the explosion was set off near the entrance so the damage wasn’t too extensive

- “Please don’t tell Master Jean, Dodocco said he was sorry”

- Cue Childe’s “I’m not a bad guy... okay I’m kind of a bad guy” quote       - “but I mean no harm, I’m a friend of Albedo’s”

- and Albedo’s standing there like when I agree to that but he wants to see how this plays out

- and I’m really unfamiliar with Klee’s characterization, but you get the point Childe is canonically god at kids, he’s gonna learn that Klee’s basically Albedo’s little sister, Klee’s gonna get attached to him and remind him of his siblings back home, Childe’s interaction with Klee is basically what gets Albedo to start actually somewhat trusting Childe as opposed to just using him from a metaphorical distance and subtly helping in ways that wouldnt really negatively impact the knights

- and now that hes no longer actively distrustful his mind is more open to actually becoming attached, as he now begin to recognize that that which he initially believed to be mere manipulation tactics was actually just... Childe being genuine, or as genuine as a person can be in their situation

OKAY OKAY OKAY NOW THAT ALL THAT IS ESTABLISHED I CAN GET INTO THE DYNAMIC 

- so theres the obvious things i already mentioned, like their mutual extreme drive to improve in their respective fields that separates them from others, even within their own respective groups/organizations which already(to an extent) separate their members from most others

now lets talk about this point specifically

- both Childe and Albedo are capable of helping each other grow in their respective fields.

- two things that have the potential to cause Childe trouble and lessen his combat ability and the problems with his delusion and his foul legacy transformation

- these two things are things likely unlike anything that Albedo has been able to study before (tho delusions he might have some experience with- but it’s unlikely) and it would likely be able to expand his knowledge, were he given the opportunity to experiment them, while simultaneously helping childe improve his strength

HOWEVER

- both of them know just how fragile the relationship(whatever it is) between them is, how quickly tensions can shift and orders can change, so in order to protect both the other and themselves they both understand that actually going through with this wouldn’t truly be safe and both sides could get in trouble for it

- because no matter what they do there will always be a constantly present risk hanging over their heads, but ill come back to that

- Dragonspine      - in a lot of Albedo ships, the other character has to go through the effort of going to Dragonspine, which tends to serve as an obstacle for the relationship to be overcome (exception of sucrose and... idk do people ship him with Timeus? just in case, recognizing them both as potential exceptions)       - However, in the case of Childe, who legitimately enjoys coming to Dragonspine, he wouldn’t hesitate to visit Albedo      - with most it becomes “wow, i haven’t seen Albedo in a while, gee, i wish he’d come down the mountain, nonetheless i am a good lover so i shall make the harsh trek to see my beloved”      - with this bitch Childe tho it’s more like “oops, feelin’ homesick, Imma see how Albedo’s doing, hope he’s made progress, wonder if Klee will be there” or “Wow I haven’t seen Albedo in awhile. Finna finish up these fatui duties real quick and head over, if i say im checking on the Fatui stationed there, I dont even have to ask to go on leave” (he gets in trouble for not officially asking for a day off anyways)

-anywho, Childe is largely used to interacting with the Harbingers, who always seem to have some other secret second layered plan of sorts that he’s not always informed about (ex: him being intended to fail when he summoned Osial, but being kept in the dark about it), which conflicts with Childe’s relatively straight forward nature      - Albedo also possesses the potential to be similar, however he doesn’t often see the need for such things, preferring to be frank about his goals and expectations, so unlike with his fellow harbingers, Childe knows that when Albedo tells him something or asks something of him, what he’s being told is usually exactly what actually is true/intended. And if it’s not, Albedo is the kind of person to explain that it’s something he can’t tell him, which he understands, since he has his own share of things he cant share because of his Fatui alignment.

- there is going to be an interaction where at some point Childe is rambling about his family back home, and Albedo questions him about what they look like, a few days later handing him a surprisingly accurate drawing of his siblings      - “I did have to try to check appearance with the traveler but unfortunately they weren’t in Mondstadt, do I do hope there aren’t too many inaccuracies”      - Homeboy doesn’t cry(probably) but he gets really fucking close      - cue socially isolated Alchemist boy misunderstanding and trying to apologize, which Childe responds to by just hugging him- because both of these boys are touch starved and honestly they fucking need it. 

- and now that Childe knows Albedo doesn’t actually have a significant boundary on physical affection, as with most Childe ships... it happens a lot

- headcanon that Childe tends to just lean/rest his head on things like a dog.  - additional headcanon that Albedo tends to have a need to keep his hands busy at all times     - so just cue the scene where Albedo is working on experiments as usual, Childe watching from behind with his head rested on his shoulder and Albedo just absentmindedly playing with his hair with one hand while the other continues with his work

- also talking with Albedo gives Childe a a lot of harmless fun facts and he loves rubbing it in they’re faces when he gets to correct one of the other harbingers on something because of this

- Albedo does also have a tendency to overthink things though, and Childe’s more straight forward mindset gives a new perspective that helps him work around issues more often than he would have expected

- Also Albedo’s love language is totally words of affirmation (i will die on this hill, he doesn’t even realize he does it probably). So he wouldn’t hesitate to sincerely thank or praise Childe whenever he helps or does something good. And Childe is a Fatui, most of the praise he gets is from the subordinates who admire him yes, but also lowkey highkey fear him, and especially after all of Liyue knows he summoned Osial basically, he is pretty damn starved for affirmation and praise and wouldn’t even notice just how much until Albedo gave that to him.      - like Childe is over here melting into a puddle of fluff and Albedo probably wouldn’t even realize what he’s doing, he’s just stating his observations out loud

- Childe and Albedo making a pinkie promise, Childe does the little Snezhnayan chant, and Albedo’s gaze just shifts slowly towards the nearby frozen lake in intense concern

- They go ice fishing with Klee who introduces Childe to fish blasting and it’s a whole new world of possibilities now. Albedo has many regrets.

- the harbingers have all basically figured it out by now and are concerned about security but mostly they just mock him for it      - the Fatui stationed in Dragonspine however, probably know because 1 they’ve seen Childe with Albedo almost every time he visits, and Childe brags about it regularly           - at this point a majority of them ship it and needless to say Albedo’s risk of death via Fatui has gone down significantly, and it’s had a surprisingly positive benefit on relations between the knights and Fatui overall

- the Knights took a bit longer to catch on, since Albedo isn’t exactly in Mondstadt all that often, but it’s the city of freedom, what are they gonna do? say no? again, they are concerned about security risks, but trust Albedo to recognize what should be withheld.

- also its canon that Childe enjoys cooking, and Albedo has a line about like... let me look it up rq- It’s his “Least Favorite Food” line which talks about how he doesn’t eat at restaurants cuz he has a small appetite and doesn’t want to waste food, which is unfortunate cuz then he has to spend time making his own food      - idk its kind of small but i just saw it and thought it was kind of a cute detail

- Childe is a chaotic bean and we love him for it      - on the other hand Albedo is more calm and patient, able to put up with this, and realistically, he has enough experience with Klee to not accidentally put him out or down or otherwise dampen his natural personality...... it’s just when the two of them get together that Albedo experiences true fear.

- Albedo: I have an idea for an experiment but the Jean has suggested that the risk is- - Childe: you should do it! - Albedo: -that the risk is too great and has disallowed me from continuing it - Childe: Oh? well she can’t tell me not to it, now can she?  - Both: *mutual gremlin noises*

anyway... im probs gonna add more to this later.... I’m just really bad at coming up with ship dynamics- so my main point in this is to get people to realize that it possible and that it could work- because there is... nearly 0 material on it- and i just think it has the potential to be so wonderful but I do not have the potential to make it that way. Like it has the potential for so many different dynamics and iconic moments and theres so many reasonable ways they could meet and just so many possibilities and im just really hoping to show the ship to more people because, y’know, it’s rare and i want them to suffer from the lack of content too, because I’m just a kind person like that.

i would have put it under a cut if i could, but i have no idea how to do that so... apologies...

[dwellordream]

“…Now, if people are taught anything at all about medieval history it often is English medieval history. People with absolutely no other frame of reference can often tell you when the Norman Conquest of England took place, or the date of the signing of Magna Carta even if they don’t know exactly why these things are important. (TBH Magna Carta isn’t important unless you were a very rich dude at the time, sooooo.) If you ask people to name a medieval book they’ll probably say Beowulf even if they’ve never read it.

Here’s the thing though – England was a total backwater in terms of the way medieval people thought and was not particularly important at the time. How much of a backwater? Well, when Anne of Bohemia, daughter of my man Holy Roman Emperor Charles IV (RIP, mate. Mourn ya til I join ya.) married King Richard II of England in the fourteenth century there was uproar in Prague. How could a Bohemian imperial princess be sent to London? How would she survive in the hinterlands? The answer was she was sent along with an entire cadre of Bohemian ladies in waiting to give her people with whom she could have a sophisticated conversation.

This ended up completely changing fashion in England. Anne is the girl who introduced those sweet horned headdresses you think of when you think of medieval ladies, riding side-saddle, and the word “coach” to England, (from the Hungairan Kocs, where the cart she arrived at court the first time came from). Sweetening her transition to English life was the fact that she didn’t have to pay a dowry to get married. Instead, the English were allowed to trade freely with Bohemia and the Holy Roman Empire and allowed to be around a Czech lady. That was reward enough as far as the Empire was concerned. That’s how much England was not a thing. (The English took this insult very badly, and hated Anne at first, but since she was a G they got over it. Don’t worry.)

If England was unimportant why do we know about English medieval history and nothing else? Same reason you’re reading this blog in English right now, homes. I’m not sure if you know this, but in the modern period, the English got super super good at going around the world an enslaving anyone they met. When you’re busy not thinking about German imperial atrocities in the nineteenth century it’s because you’re busy thinking about British imperial atrocities, you feel me? So we all speak English now and if we harken back to historical things it gives us a grandiose idea of English history.

Say, then, you are trying to establish a curriculum for schools that bigs up English history, as is our want. Ask yourself – are you gonna want to dwell on an era where England was so unimportant that Czechs were flexing on it? Answer: no. You gonna gloss right over that and skip to the early modern era and the Tudors who I am absolutely sure you know all the fuck about. The second colonial-imperialist reason for not learning about medieval history is that medieval history doesn’t exactly aggrandise the colonial-imperialist system.

Yes, there are empires in medieval Europe. In addition to the Holy Roman Empire there’s the Eastern Roman Empire, aka the Byzantine Empire, whose downfall is often pointed to as one of several possible bookends to the medieval period. You also have opportunists like the Venetians who set up colonies around the Adriatic and Mediterranean, or the Normans who defo jump in boats and take over, well, anything they could get their hands on.

Notably, when these dudes got where they were going, they didn’t end up enslaving a bunch of people, committing genocide, and then funnelling all resources back to a theoretical homeland. The Normans settled down where they were eventually creating distinctive court cultures, and the Venetian colonies enjoyed a seriously high level of trade and quality of life without major disruption to local customs. Force was certainly used to take over at the outset, but it wasn’t something that resulted in the complete subjugation and deaths of millions halfway around the world from where the aggressors started.

No, the European middle ages are a lot more about local areas muddling along with smaller systems of rule. That’s why you have distinctive areas like say, Burgundy or Sicily calling their own shots and developing their own styles and fashions. Hell, even within imperial systems like the Holy Roman Empire Bavarians or Bohemians saw themselves as very much distinct peoples within an imperial system, not necessarily imperial subjects first and foremost.

You know where you would go to find some history that justifies huge imperial systems that require constant conquest and an army of slaves to keep them afloat? Ancient Rome. Remember how you got taught how great Rome was? How it was a democracy? How they had wonderful technology and underfloor heating, and oh isn’t that temple beautiful? Yeah, that’s because you were being inculcated to think that the ends of imperial violence justifies mass enslavement and disenfranchisement.

In reality, Rome wasn’t some sort of grand free democracy. Only a tiny percentage of Romans could actually vote. Women of any station certainly could not, and even men who were lucky enough to be free weren’t necessarily Roman citizens. Freedom here is particularly important because by the 1 century BCE 35 – 40% of the population of the Italian peninsula were slaves. Woo yeah democracy. I love it. And that’s not even taking into account all those times when an Emperor would suspend voting altogether.

Those slaves were busy building all the grand buildings your high school history teacher was dry jacking it about, stuffing the dormice that the rich people were reclining to eat, and basically keeping the joint running. Those slaves also necessitated the ridiculously huge army that Rome kept going because you had to get slaves from somewhere after all, so warfare had to be continuous. How uplifting.

Eagle-eyed readers will notice that this Roman nonsense is pretty much exactly what was going on during the modern colonial imperial age. You can say whatever the fuck you want about how free and revolutionary America was, for example. That doesn’t change the fact that only a handful of white property owning men could vote, and that the entire project required the mass enslavement of Africans and the genocide of Native Americans. That’s why you’ve been taught Rome is great. It helps you sleep well at night on stolen land because, really, haven’t all great societies done this? I mean without a forever war against anyone you can find, how will you keep a society going?

Our imperialist ideas about history lead to some weird historical takes. People love to tell you that no one bathed in the medieval period when medieval people had pretty much exactly the same sort of bathing culture as Romans. People laugh at medieval people believing in medical humoral theory despite the fact that Romans believed exactly the same thing and get a total pass on that front. The Roman ban on dissection is often taught as a medieval ban, shifting Roman superstition onto the shoulders of medieval people.

On-going Roman warfare is reported in glowing terms with emphasis on the “brilliance” of Roman military technique, while inter-kingdom warfare in the medieval period is portrayed as barbaric and ignorant. The Roman people who were encouraged to worship emperors as literal gods are used as an example of theoretical religion-free logical thinking, while medieval Christians are cast as ignorant for believing in God even when they are studiously working on the same philosophical queries as their predecessors. None of this makes any fucking sense.

But here’s the thing – it doesn’t need to. In a colonial imperialist society we have positioned Rome as a guiding light no matter what it’s actual practices and that’s not a mistake. It’s a design that helps to justify our own society. Further, this mindset requires us to castigate the medieval period when rule was more localised and systems of slavery had taken a precipitous dive. If only there had been more slavery, you know? Things might have been so much better.

Historical narratives and who controls them are always in flux. That old adage “history is written by the winners” comes to mind here, but that’s not exactly true. What the winners do is decide which histories are promoted, taught, and broadcasted. You can write all the history you want and if no one reads it, then it doesn’t really matter. That’s the gap that medieval history has fallen into. Colonial imperialism hasn’t figured out how to weaponise it yet, so it’s ignored. You could write this off as a “so what”, of course. Sure, maybe teaching the Roman Empire as a goal is a negative, but is ignoring medieval history really that bad a thing? You will be unsurprised to learn that I definitely think it is a bad thing, yes.

Ignorance about the medieval period is one of the things that is allowing the current swelling ranks of fascists to claim medieval Europe as some sort of “pure” white ideal. Spoiler: it was not. However, if you don’t know anything about medieval society how are you gonna argue with some chinless douche with a fake viking rune tattoo?History is always political. We use it to understand our world, but more than that we also use it to justify our world. Ignoring it helps us prop up our worst impulses, so let’s not.”

- Eleanor Janega, “On colonialism, imperialism, and ignoring medieval history.”

[sonnet009]

Wilder: Jamal’s Story (Route Summary)

PROLOGUE:

MC decides to flee Ziya alone. A rotund wine merchant named Barlow offers her a timely rescue, smuggling her out in one of the wagons in his caravan. On their journey across the Shining Sands MC learns that Barlow is a wealthy and ambitious man who can afford not only a team of djinn guards but even a pleasure slave. It is this pleasure slave who warns MC that Barlow intends to ransom her back to Ziya and urges her to leave the caravan. Though afraid, MC chooses to stay rather than risk facing the desert alone. Jamal is not pleased at the prospect of continuing to share his wagon.

CHAPTER I:

The caravan stops so Barlow can take his dinner out under the stars. MC joins him and Jamal while the djinn guards keep watch. Barlow is very blatant about his sexual relationship with Jamal and Jamal for his part fawns over Barlow in return. MC has never seen anything like it. Left alone for a few moments, Jamal teases MC that she can't keep her eyes off him.

During the next day's travel the caravan is attacked by a raiding group of djinn come down from the Western Hills. The djinn guards rally around Barlow to protect him but change their minds when the leader of the wild djinn offers them a free life with the tribe. Barlow and MC are pushed onto their knees, faces in the sand, and Barlow is beheaded. MC hears Jamal's horrified gasp.

MC does not share Barlow's fate. She is restrained and brought back to the Hills with the tribe and their new recruits. She is not sure why, but feels in her heart that this is no salvation.

CHAPTER II:

While the new djinn are welcomed into the tribe, Jamal sneaks over to where MC has been tied. He probes her about her rich, important family and muses that she must have connections in Umar. Though he knew she was fleeing Ziya he doesn't seem to have the full story – he certainly doesn't know that MC is an accused murderer and therefore utterly without connections or power.

After a ritual in which each new djinn must eat a piece of a raw deer heart, the disgusted Jamal has had enough. In the dead of night he frees MC in return for her promise to take him to Umar. They catch their breath by the river but are soon discovered by one of the ex-guards whose disdain for Jamal the pleasure slave is obvious. He calls out for the rest of the tribe and MC and Jamal run.

The tribe pursues them far, all the way to the base of the mountainous Knives. With little other choice, MC and Jamal head up – away from the Hills but only into more danger.

CHAPTER III:

MC offers condolences for Barlow's death. Jamal is dismissive and MC realises that though he appeared to adore the man it was all just an act. He doesn't miss Barlow, just the security that being his personal slave offered. Jamal insists that MC is his master now, though MC insists that she is not. Jamal reveals his intention for MC to sell him to a famous pleasure house in Umar, and for that she has to be his master.

Jamal whines and gripes the whole way up the mountain path. In contrast, MC finds a fortitude within herself she never knew she had. In the night he attempts to seduce her though she rebuffs him, saying, “I told you, you don't need to do that.” The next day they stumble into the path of a mountain lion. Jamal hides behind MC while she scares it away.

They come across a hot spring and MC spends most of her time trying to avoid looking at Jamal's naked and shameless displays designed to get her attention. But when he asks her to wash his hair it is with genuine, vulnerable wanting so she does so. It is the most intimate moment MC has ever shared with anyone.

CHAPTER IV:

In the sprawling farmland on the other side of the mountains, MC and Jamal are caught in a sudden downpour. Sheltering in an old barn, they share a sweet, quiet moment that turns into an argument when she once again refuses to claim him as her slave. MC is secretly very drawn to Jamal, but fears that his affection is all a lie and that she will be taking advantage of their positions if she lets herself believe him. He accuses her of looking down on him and gives her the cold shoulder. This means that MC has missed another chance to confess that she is not the connected noblewoman he believes her to be.

As they continue on their journey in strained silence, a group of bandits appear and block their path. MC is afraid but not as afraid as Jamal. However, when one of the men grabs MC and makes lewd comments, Jamal exclaims, “Hey!” surprising no one more than himself. As the scene turns to violence, MC and Jamal learn that even a light slap from a djinn whose claws have been growing for weeks can be devastating to a human body. MC thanks Jamal for his protection while he desperately tries to get the blood out from under his nails.

They finally make it to Dijarah, a port town where MC intends to board a ship sailing for Umar. The one problem? She has no money.

CHAPTER V:

To earn money in Dijarah, an innkeeper agrees to hire MC and Jamal to work in the kitchen. Jamal is aghast at the prospect, especially when he meets the old battleaxe of a cook on whom his charms utterly fail. Jamal is terrible at every practical task put before him and, after only a few days, is utterly miserable.

MC is gentle and encouraging with Jamal, and he eventually is able to put aside his pride (a little) and improve. He finds it amusing to think of a world in which he worked here instead of as a pleasure slave. But when MC takes this question seriously he balks and insists that he would never want an unglamorous life like this. “I know what I am,” he says quietly.

As the two grow closer, Jamal tells MC the story of his life. Bred illegally and born sick, Jamal was passed under the table from master to master, role to role, failing at all of them. Finally dumped in a pleasure house as an insult, Jamal actually flourished there – able to put his natural charm and artistic talents to use. That is why he cannot even consider another life. MC asks if he would choose the same life if he were a free man. Jamal goes quiet and does not answer.

CHAPTER VI:

One day MC walks into the kitchen to see Jamal scrubbing pots with all his might then absent mindedly tidying up some things – not as part of his assigned task but just because it needs doing. MC announces herself and they compare their palm callouses and growing arm muscle. One night Jamal is asked to perform for the inn's patrons by playing the lute – he is giddy with excitement to be the centre of attention once more, though the audience is not his usual clientele. He plays and sings beautifully and MC sets off a standing ovation that nearly makes him cry.

An evening shift turns tense when a group of drunkards start causing trouble. Jamal shocks everyone by taking charge of the situation and intimidating them into leaving. Though, as soon as they are gone, his legs turn to liquid and he slides to the floor declaring how terrifying the whole thing was. The innkeeper draws him a hot bath in thanks. Jamal asks MC to wash his hair again. Though she won't join him in the tub – despite his persistence – Jamal does wash and style her hair for her in return.

Finally MC and Jamal have enough money to book passage on a ship. As they are boarding MC catches sight of Hamza in the crowded street. She drags Jamal away to avoid getting caught, though now she is less afraid of being arrested than she is being exposed to Jamal who still doesn't know that she is a fugitive. She resolves that she must tell him soon, even if it ruins the... friendship... that seems to finally be blossoming between them.

CHAPTER VII:

Hamza has also boarded so MC spends most of her time hiding in her cabin – and Jamal has no objections to passing the days relaxing on a soft bed. She tries many times to broach his misconceptions about her but is consistently thwarted by interruptions and her own cowardice. A rich passenger tries to buy some time with Jamal from MC but she staunchly refuses. Jamal is delighted by this, then confused as to why he is so delighted.

One night they lie side by side on the bed and MC asks Jamal why he is so set on being sold to this particular brothel. He explains that, not only is it a famous venue, but if they purchase him then by Umar’s laws he will no longer be a slave but an indentured servant. MC says that isn’t good enough – she wants to free him. Jamal is dismissive of such an impossible idea but MC insists that Lord Yasir, the most powerful man in Umar, could surely help them. Jamal asks why MC would be seeking Yasir’s help for herself and she prepares to finally tell him the truth when– the ship’s bell rings. They have arrived.

Hamza catches sight of MC at just the wrong moment. She drags Jamal off the ship, pushing past everyone else, and manages to lose Hamza in the moonlit streets of Umar. They come to Minerva’s Pleasure House. Inside is a whole new world to MC but Jamal is in his element. Then he goes quiet. “I don’t want you to leave me here. I want to stay with you. I want to be–”. The madam interrupts, realises exactly who MC is, and throws her and Jamal out of the place, calling MC a murderer and threatening to tell the authorities if either of them ever return.

CHAPTER VIII:

MC hurries to Yasir’s estate, a confused and suspicious Jamal with her, and fortunately finds the merchant-turned-lord to be very welcoming and willing to provide sanctuary. Jamal confronts MC and she finally admits everything. Jamal is devastated. He accuses her of using him, of dragging him through danger and hardship just for the amusement of it, of being just as rotten as Barlow and the others. “You think so little of me. You think nothing of me.” MC cannot explain her actions without admitting – to Jamal and to herself – that she has been falling in love with him. Jamal is stunned. Then he turns and leaves the manor.

He returns in the morning and apologises for leaving, kissing MC on the cheek and saying that he understands she was only doing what she had to do – she’s a survivor. He turns down MC’s attempts to make him a free man and instead asks Yasir to use his influence to place him in the pleasure house. “No more pretending,” he says in response to MC’s protestations. “I know what I am.” Yasir arranges for the madam to accept him as an indentured servant.

MC and Jamal say a fraught goodbye in the gaudy room that is to be Jamal’s from now on. Jamal kisses MC and, at his soft declaration that he has fallen in love with her too, she gives in to her passion and they come together in a tangle of flesh and emotion. After, as they lie in bed, the door is kicked down and in bursts Hamza to arrest MC. Jamal is remarkably unsurprised. “I should’ve known it was all a lie from the beginning. All those things you said about my potential. Trying to make me doubt who I am; what I am. But you know something, mistress?” There is nothing but cold resolve in his eyes. “I’m a survivor too.”

CHAPTER IX:

MC is transported back to Ziya to face her execution. She spends the journey thinking on Jamal. That night he left the manor he must have gone to Hamza to arrange the ambush. Anger and betrayal come in cycles but always give way to regret and the knowledge that she brought this on herself. MC’s execution is a public event on the steps of the shah’s palace, but the proceedings are suddenly interrupted by Jamal and Yasir’s right-hand-djinn Royo. Since MC was under Umar’s protection, Ziya’s actions in abducting her have been taken as a hostile act. Hamza takes justice into his own hands and attacks MC with his sword. Jamal tries to protect her but she pushes him away, taking the blade in her chest.

MC wakes in her old bedroom in her Aunt and Uncle’s villa. The blade missed her heart and, though badly wounded, she will live. Jamal is by her bedside. He asserts that he hasn’t forgiven her, and he’ll never forgive himself, but he wants her to know that Hamza was the one who caught and pressured him into the betrayal that night, and Jamal convinced himself that she deserved it. But he regretted it immediately and went running to Yasir for help. He confesses that he wasn’t lying when he said he’d fallen in love with her. He thinks that’s their shared fatal flaw – they’re dreamers.

When MC next wakes quite a lot of time has passed. This time it is Royo who comes to see her, informing her that the political pressure from Umar – and Yasir specifically – has worked. To avoid trouble between the two cities, Ziya has agreed not to execute MC but to exile her. Royo must return to Umar now but says that MC is welcome there once she is well enough to travel. MC asks after Jamal but Royo shakes her head. He is waiting by the carriage to leave and will not return to the villa. MC asks Royo to take something with her when she goes – a letter addressed to the madam of Minerva’s.

BITTER END:

Two years have passed since the almost-execution and MC has been travelling ever since, working tirelessly in whatever jobs she can in order to save money and send it periodically to Minerva’s to bit by bit pay off Jamal’s “debt” to the pleasure house. Finally with enough to complete the contract she returns to Umar.

When Jamal sees her in Minerva’s he covers his shock by asking if she is there to taste him once again. They go to his room and MC interrupts his cold, emotionless seduction with the last of the money he needs to truly be free. He insists at first to not want it then finally cracks open, tears spilling down his cheeks. “But where would I go?” MC says he can go with her if he likes. He doesn’t answer, conflicted, still so afraid to trust. MC backs off and says he can go wherever he wants to go; anywhere in the world. She leaves the pleasure house but lingers outside, hoping that when Jamal comes out a free man he will choose to go with her after all.

SWEET END:

Two years have passed since the almost-execution and MC has been travelling ever since, working tirelessly in whatever jobs she can in order to save money and send it periodically to Minerva’s to bit by bit pay off Jamal’s “debt” to the pleasure house. However when she journeys to Umar with the final payment she is informed by the madam that Jamal has already been freed from his contract and left months ago. MC turns to Royo for help, who informs her that Jamal had also been working hard to pay for his freedom – taking on extra chores and responsibilities at Minerva's – and that last she knew he was heading for Dijarah.

MC sets sail immediately. When she disembarks at Dijarah’s docks she is stunned to find Jamal waiting, Royo having sent word ahead. There is a tense moment of uncertainty then Jamal launches himself at her, catching her in a tight embrace. He thanks her for contributing so much to buying his freedom and says he’s never worked so hard for anything before – for the chance to live a free life. To stand before MC as an equal. To say he loves her and for it to be the simple truth. Hand-in-hand, Jamal escorts MC to his new place of employment – the inn in which they spent so much time before. He winks. “I hear they're hiring. I’ll put in a good word for you.”

[birdhouse-of-shadows]

YES YES YES FINALLY I CAN TALK ABOUT THIS!

IM NOT SURE IF IVE POSTED THIS ANYWHERE ELSE BUT I THINK TOKOYAMI IS LIKE SHIROKUMO! 

ANON I LOVE YOU AND YOUR GIANT NOGGIN. NOW I WILL PROVIDE YOU EVIDENCE AS TO WHY TOKOYAMI COULD BE A NOMU! I am not sure if the person who originally submitted as anon wants me to tag them in this, so I’ll be leaving them as Anon. :)

In this essay I will..

LMAO but seriously I will be comparing Tokoyami to the other advanced nomu. I’ll mostly be comparing Tokoyami and Kurogiri, as these are the most similar to each other. Spoiler from the manga ofc. Plz enjoy loves!

 Anon made a fantastic point about the physical similarities between characters. The most prominent part of this theory is that Tokoyami and Dark Shadow both share many physical characteristics with the Nomu.

Tokoyami/Dark Shadow, Kurogiri, Hood, and the USJ Nomu all share very similar color schemes. This is important because Horikoshi tends to use physical appearances a lot to connect characters, even when it comes to tiny details like 2 dots on a hero costume signifying the same designer. We know that Horikoshi likes to use dark purples while drawing/designing villains. Examples include: AFO(purple + black colors), Nine(White+ Purple colors), Manga Vol 26- “Tomura Shigaraki:Origin '' Cover(Purple), Overhaul(Purple+Green colors), ect. The most advanced/high-end Nomu so far(Hood, Kurogiri, USJ Nomu) all have a color scheme of Purple/Black bodies, Yellow eyes, and some red details. Now this color scheme is actually shared between Tokoyami and Dark Shadow. Tokoyami carries the red, black, and yellow and Dark Shadow has purple and yellow. 

Besides just color schemes they share physical attributes. We know that Nomu must be built off of pre-existing humans(dead or alive I believe). Most of the Nomu have some remnant of their human body, even if it is extremely beefed up or including more limbs. Kurogiri is the first Nomu we have observed that still holds his original body(his is just covered by smoke, but Shirokumo is still in there). It is entirely possible that Tokoyami’s body is technically dead, but reanimated just like Kurogiri. 

Dark Shadow’s sentience is a key factor in this theory as well. He is so different from most other quirks in the series. There are only three quirks in the series that have any form of sentience. I will be focusing on Twice’s quirk, but I would like to create a separate theory for the other two. Twice’s quirk obviously creates living/sentient clones of people. However it can be argued that these clones are more like AI than actual sentient people. These quirks aren’t exactly alive and they are like AI programmed to be as similar to their source material(copied individual),therefore they will do what is most similar. Dark Shadow is a completely separate entity with completely separate emotions. We know this because there are things that Dark Shadow likes to do that Tokoyami does not, and vice versa. Many people think that Dark Shadow is a more honest extension of Tokoyami’s emotions, but not only is Dark Shadow a collection of emotions, but thoughts. In the fight against Ectoplasm, we can  see that Dark Shadow is able to think and strategize on his own without Tokoyami needing to tell him what to do. 

This doesn’t really count as evidence, but its something I find to be kinda sus. While at the training camp, the day of the attack Tokoyami says “Revelry in the Dark” 3 times. Its specifically pointed out as odd by Uraraka, most likely meaning that it is not something he has said before. She also seemed a bit unnerved by him saying it. I wonder if it was some kind of code phrasing to let the League know that everything was in order for the attack. Other than that, I don’t recall Tokoyami using the phrase later in the series. 

Next I am going to clear up some things that might disprove the theory: 

Problem: He’s far too loyal to the heroes, and he cares alot about the people around him. 

It is completely reasonable that Tokoyami is faking it. This basically follows the same logic as most traitor theories. Tokoyami is known to be a very secretive individual and people don’t know too much about him. There is also a chance that he could be programmed not to know that he is a nomu/traitor, however I don’t really have any evidence for that and it seems unlikely. 

Problem: He connonically has a mother, and a family...

Not too surprising, but its definitely an issue. In Vol 1, Part 3 we hear specific mentions of Tokoyami’s mother and later in the paragraph the word is family. So if he does have a family, do they/ how long have they known he’s a Nomu? There is a very little chance that they wouldn’t know, but there is a scenario in which they wouldn’t. Tokoyami could have “gone missing” when he was younger and “found” when he was older. We don’t know how long it takes to create an advanced nomu, so he could have been missing for a month to a couple years. We can speculate however, that it doesn’t take long. It only took about 4 months to alter Shigaraki, so maybe it doesn’t take too long to create an advanced Nomu. If he was young enough, he wouldn’t have a quirk and it wouldn’t be suspicious if he returned home with one. A blood test would most likely match as well, so there wouldn’t be any doubt that it was the Tokoyami family’s child. It wouldn’t be surprising if they did know. We know AFO has connections everywhere, so Tokoyami’s family could just be a fake one set up for the sake of making Fumikage look more normal. 

Problem: Why has the league targeted him in the past?

Lemme explain. We’ve had two instances(that I remember) that members of the league have directly attacked Tokoyami. Once when Mr.Compress snatched him, and of course that fight with Dabi in 271. This has a simple answer, they don’t know. We know Shigaraki doesn’t tend to tell the other members stuff and usually just resorts to giving them tasks. There is a chance that Shigaraki himself might not know, but that all depends on whether or not he knows that Kurogiri is a Nomu. I don’t know if he knows but either way it doesn’t really matter. 

Actually, one little tidbit about this, during the USJ attack Kurogiri sent Tokoyami to the Squall Zone. The Squall Zone is a very dark area, so fighting off villains would have been very easy for Tokoyami. So part of me believes that Kurogiri did that on purpose, and he and Shigaraki definitely do know. 

I am still looking for more evidence of this theory, but this is what I have so far. If there is anymore evidence that you have found it I would love to hear! I mentioned earlier in the theory that there are two other quirks that is similar to Dark Shadow’s complete sentience. Those two quirks are AFO and OFA. There is a slight possibility that Tokoyami could have a carry-down quirk given to him by somebody else, or Dark Shadow himself is a previous user.  I don’t even know where to begin on that one, but whatever.

 And remember it just a theory, a bird theory! Thanks for reading!

[unstoppableforcce]

golden

CHAPTER ONE: simplicity

pairing: Poe Dameron x oc! Anya

next part | masterlist | oc art

a/n: this is set before the Force Awakens and is a rewrite and expansion of one of my first fics. it’s a big one, this part is 6.7k which might be the longest thing i’ve ever written lol, but i love my oc and the relationships and the plot of this, i hope yall do too bc i can’t wait to write more!!! 

He had forgotten how beautiful the galaxy could be. 

Before him, through the clear windshield of the dilapidated transport ship, laid an expanse of towering mountains of green, thick like the jungles of Yavin IV he knew so well, and vast like the breath of the galaxy he was only beginning to familiarize himself with. In the valleys that sat between the intimidating heights of the jungle were ponds and lakes, illuminated by the contrast of their soft pink hue and the sunlight from three suns beating down on them overhead. And within each jaw-dropping landscape they flew over, the lanky jungle trees stretched high and interwoven with each other and the depths of the gentle pink lakes, he caught glimpses of the hidden civilization. 

Stone buildings of dark brown granite hidden beneath the twisted green vines and thick, overgrown tree trunks, windows of reflective glass cascading like waterfalls built back into the shape of the mountains. From as high as they were, flying above in the shaky transport ship, he could make out the movement of the people through the trees and on wooden crescent boats out in the milky pink water of the lake, working as the suns bore down on their backs. 

Flying in his X-wing, he had mission objectives and responsibilities. He travelled from point A to point B and never lingered in one place for longer than he needed to, not with the First Order patrols cracking down across the galaxy. He couldn’t remember the last time he had travelled so slow, the last time he got to truly see the colors of the universe around him which normally passed in hyperspeed blurs. 

He had forgotten how beautiful the galaxy could be. 

“Wow…” the awe fell from his lips unconsciously as his eyes stayed wide, scanning the horizon not only out of necessity given their flight path, but because he couldn’t look anywhere else. The D’Qar jungle was said to be beautiful, as beautiful as this, but for the past months he had been tasked with growing their new base there, he saw the inside of buildings and the burn of haunting fluorescent lights more than he did the real greenery and sunlight. 

It was… breathtaking to say the least. 

“I thought I misremembered,” the calm and collected voice of the General sounded off over his shoulder as he slowed his speed to navigate a lofty bit of cloud cover that surrounded the tops of the mountainous valleys he navigated between. “I convinced myself somehow that no place in the galaxy could be as beautiful as I remembered but I was wrong.”

He couldn’t blame her. If he wasn’t seeing it with his own eyes as his hands gripped tight to the controls of the ship, he wasn’t sure he would have believed it either. 

Waterfalls of the lightest pink hue, the sparkling of the natural granite deposits in the rock which shined equally as bright as the city construction as they continued over it, the polished rock made into skyscrapers which rivaled the surrounding mountains in height, the natural overgrowth of green vines and thick canopy tree tops… the more he saw, the more Poe found himself overwhelmed by the beauty. 

“How far until the palace?” He hummed with a brief quirk of his jaw back over his shoulder to Leia as his eyes stayed trained on the intricate habitational design and fields woven between towering structures which shadowed over smaller homes which led to more fields and rivers, rocks and jungle. 

“Not far, it’s impossible to miss.”

It hadn’t made sense at that moment, but he refrained from asking her to expand, trusting that whatever she meant would be clear to him as they kept going. Within the following minute, his trust proved itself. 

The nose of the ship lifted slightly to get them over a particularly tall mountain top, and as the clouds cleared away while he nosed back into the valley below, he found the most gorgeous architectural and natural displays he had ever laid his eyes on. Built, like the hidden structures he had seen earlier, into the most commanding mountain of sparkling brown granite in the landscape before him, the palace was a delicate, yet proud masterpiece with spires as high as the clouds and a bustling marketplace pouring out the front of it, spilling towards the shore of the pink ocean before it. 

Banners of colors brighter than he even knew existed fluttered in the wind coming in off the coast throughout the marketplace, and as he brought the ship in to a stop at the surrounding rim of the mountain above the palace’s top spires where all the other ships sat, he began to notice the vibrant crowd which flowed from the boats in the water all the way through the palace gates. He loved his home with all his heart, but this was the most beautiful place in the galaxy. It had to be. 

He and Leia quickly unloaded from the non-descript ship, and Poe made sure to leave his blaster secure in the cockpit as Leia had instructed him earlier, taking only his jacket and communicator with him. A jacket he quickly realized he would not be needing as the two of them stepped out amongst the ships atop the mountain and felt the overwhelming heat from the suns above them. 

“Don’t be too in awe, we are here for a reason.” He glanced back from where he stood near the edge of the flattened mountain top to see Leia stood as regal as ever with her hands linked behind her back and her stare that of a careful mother. “An important reason,” she minded once more and he had no choice but to nod. 

As he reluctantly pulled away from teh edge and joined her at her side while they drew closer to the nearby lift and the mindlessly chatting guards stood around it, he couldn’t help but voice the one thought he couldn’t get out of his mind,“I can’t imagine a place like this ever allying with the First Order.” 

With a voice lowered closer to that of a whisper while they passed the guards, Leia carefully minded him again, “There is a complicated history to Haiki, as beautiful as it is.”

“All the briefing memo said was that they were great allies during the war, pacifists, but great allies.” He responded in an equally hushed tone until the doors to their lift shut and they began descending deep into the dark, sparkling rock. “You said their leader was a friend.”

“Their King and Queen were friends of mine while I was still living on Alderaan and fighting with the rebellion, unfortunately the queen died shortly after the Empire fell and their king has been sick for almost as long.” She explained as the thick walls of granite passed quickly by them as they continued to descend. 

“Who are we here to meet with then?”

The lift came to a stop at the bottom and the doors opened to a dense crowd of people, all dressed in vibrant colors of thick woven fabric, skin decorated with thick strokes of black ink in intricate designs that varied from body to body. But as much as Poe wished to step forward and immerse himself into the lively crowd of the market, Leia’s firm grip on the elbow of his jacket pulled him in the opposite direction, towards an open doorway outlined by beautiful branches and bright flowers as her words quickly pulled him back to the reality of their mission there. 

“We’re meeting with the Princess,” Leia answered as they continued down the hall illuminated by windows which brought cascades of bright light into the halls as they travelled in a direction which seemed to Poe as if it were going deeper into the rock of the mountain. “I’ve met her before, but she was young, now she runs the whole planet and, from what I can tell, is not as eager about our alliance as her parents were.”

“You think she’s fielding threats from the First Order? You said they were pacifists--”

“It’s not about weapons or defense, it’s about supplies.” Leia sighed as the two of them came to a halt in the middle of the hallway, allowing the few locals who were walking behind them to pass in front and leave them alone with the bright sunlight. “We need their support, the medicine they create, the food they grow… If we don’t get it, I don’t know how much longer we can survive.”

Poe nodded, his overgrown curls bouncing with the nod of his head as he glanced around the empty hall and began pulling his jacket off his already sweat-slicked back. 

He knew they were there for support, but the briefing memo had been vague on purpose. No one else could know they were there, no one could know why they were there. If there was a leak, if the First Order somehow found out that the Resistance was reliant on Hakian support to survive, they’d decimate the entire planet, strip mine them for their resources and slaughter their peaceful population. 

He trusted their people, and he knew Leia did too, but he also understood why he had to be kept in the dark until now. This was just too important. 

“When we get in to see her, you’ll call her only ‘princess’ or ‘dekka’, never by her first name unless she gives you permission. And make sure you keep your distance, be respectful,” Leia warned as they slowly began walking again, turning a corner and entering another well-lit hall still travelling deeper into the mountain it seemed. “They are sticklers for tradition here and we can’t afford to play around.”

“What does ‘dekka’ mean?” 

“Respected one.” She answered quickly, keeping her voice close to him as another person came into view at the end of the hall. 

The man towered just like the mountains they flew through did, taller than any human man Poe had seen in person, nearly wookie height if he was being honest. But there was nothing intimidating about him, he merely flashed a bright smile and opened his arms in a welcoming stance. 

“Princess Leia, it is an honor to see you again.” The man bellowed out, meeting them at the end of the hall where it let out into a gorgeous room of tall ceilings and windows that stretched from the polished granite floor all the way up to the tallest rafters of twisted vine and tree root, letting in an electric amount of natural light. 

Leia quickly unlinked her hands from behind her back and wrapped them around the man, who stood at nearly twice her height, in a solid embrace. “Elias, it’s an honor to see you as well.”

“I had no idea you were coming, whatever can I help you with?” His thick accent continued to cut through the air, louder than Leia could muster by several dozen decibels. His command over the basic language wasn’t too strong, but he certainly made up for his shortcomings with heart and confidence.

However, no amount of strength of heart could overwrite the confusion outlined by his words, leaving an unsettling feeling in Poe’s gut. Judging by the slight deflation in Leia’s commanding stance, it was clear he wasn’t the only one. 

“No idea…” Leia chuckled nervously, trailing off with a brief shake of her braids. “We were meant to meet with Dekka Anya-Va, is she not here?”

Elias’ chuckle was equally as unsettled, something was wrong. 

“She hasn’t been in all day,” he added as another rough chuckle escaped his lips, “I didn’t know she had schedule, she didn’t tell me…”

Seven hours. That’s how far away Haiki was from D’Qar when travelling as fast as possible in the only non-resistance ship available, an old, deteriorating transport ship. He spent seven hours behind the controls on a trembling, shaking ship, and the Princess they were supposed to be meeting with to secure necessary supplies for the resistance was not there? Was this some kind of joke?

If it was, he didn’t find it very funny. 

Leia glanced back over her shoulder, finding the waiting confusion that covered Poe’s face and turned back to Elias wearing a very similar look. “She hasn’t been in at all?”

“She’s been… cutting me off, isolating herself from her advisors… I don’t know…” He stuttered over each and every word, clearly pulling them from a particularly painful place in his chest. 

And on any other day, Poe might have cared about the way the towering man’s intimidating voice trembled in his explanation. The overwhelmingly empathetic heart that beat steadily in his chest was accustomed to feeling for anyone from anywhere across the galaxy, but in this moment, the weight of the resistance was too apparent on his shoulders. 

If Leia said they needed this Princess to save the resistance, then that was that. They needed this Princess, and hearing that she was circumventing her advisors as much as she was avoiding their meeting only increased the nerves in his unsettled stomach. 

“You are welcome to wait for her in the throne room, I will send her your way whenever I find her…” Elias made a desperate attempt to relight the smile that had fallen from Leia’s diplomatic lips, but it only succeeded somewhat, as much as Leia could muster, feeling the same weight that Poe felt sitting heavy on her shoulders. 

“Thank you, Elias.” Leia bowed her head, and Elias quickly did the same. 

But the second Leia turned away from him and began nudging Poe back in the direction they came from, her diplomatic disposition fell away, returning her harsh, commanding stare. 

“She’s avoiding us?” Poe was quick to question as their pace hastened back down the brightly illuminated halls leading back to the busy marketplace. 

Leia shook her head, keeping her voice low as the two of them walked, shoulder to shoulder. “Remember when you asked if I thought she was fielding First Order threats already? I think we just got our answer.”

“What do we do?”

As the two of them entered back out into the dense crowd of the marketplace, Leia gave a brief shrug, still tugging him along with her as she fought against the flow of tattooed people. “Now, we have to find her.”

“Do you know where to look?”

The stare Leia gave him was one he was all too familiar with. It was the same look he got when he asked questions about procedure he already knew the answer to, the same look he got when he asked questions he knew she wouldn’t answer. It was a look that meant one thing. The simplest answer, the easier answer, the obvious one that was punching him directly in the face, was the answer he should be looking for. 

And with Leia, when it came to asking if she knew anything, the answer was without a doubt, a resounding ‘yes’. 

Following the banners, each one a color more vibrant than the last, Leia continued to push him through the marketplace. As they exited the front gate of the palace, the market grew impossibly larger and the crowd more dense, every soul moving with a specific purpose, from stall to stall with shoulders carrying heavy bags and faces bright with electric smiles. 

Poe couldn’t remember the last time he saw so many smiles in such a densely packed region.

The sun was beating down hot on his back, slicking his curls to his forehead in a light coating of sweat, but everyone around him seemed oblivious to it, either too distracted by the spices piled high in the booths, wafting a plethora of new scents around the beautiful square, or the swaths of fabrics covered in intricate stitches and designs. Was this what life was like where the war didn’t touch? 

People could walk around, fully immersed in their own vibrant culture wearing smiles brighter than the multiple suns which hung above them, seemingly without a care in the world when it came to the slaughtering and genocide happening around the galaxy at the hands of the First Order? Did they even know? 

Did the parents who let their kids run around with tightly woven baskets piled high with spiky blue fruit even know about the children across the galaxy who were stolen from their families and conscripted as nameless troopers? Did the elderly who sat off to the side even know that just last week, a village of respected elders on Nantoo were mowed down indiscriminately by First Order officers looking to set up base on their sacred land? Did any of them even know about the war?

If he lived here, maybe he could understand it. Maybe… 

But Stars, was ignorance really bliss when millions were being slaughtered? 

“I knew she’d be here…” Leia sighed, pulling Poe’s attention back to her pursuit as the market began to thin out closer to the pink translucent shore packed with crescent shaped boats of dark wood unloading at the docks. He didn’t know where to let his stare fall however, the water immediately took his attention, but as Leia kept walking, he fought to both find her stare and follow it in the same direction. 

The shore wasn’t packed, but there were just enough bodies to keep him guessing even as he followed Leia’s focus. Where was she looking--

He found her.

Nothing had changed, he still didn’t know exactly where Leia’s stare was directed nor did he have any verbal confirmation that he was looking in the right direction, but he was sure of himself, overwhelmingly sure of himself as his stare landed on the detailed tattoos that covered the back of the lone woman sat on the damp shore, isolated from the crowd. 

The thin interwoven fabric of the maroon dress that cascaded down her form was exquisite in it’s intricately stitched details, but nothing compared to the thick, jet black ink stripes that crested over her back and arms, the extent of the skin he could see from the angle they were approaching with. Everyone he had seen so far on this planet had some form of similar markings, be it extensive designs sprawling up their arms or small delicate images drawn on their hands or necks, but none compared to what he saw on her skin. 

It was like the dark ink was woven around her, like a vine crawling it’s way up a tree. Or maybe more aptly, it was a web, drawn by a diligent insect or maybe even claw marks from a creature, thick where the wounds ran the deepest and thin at the start and ends of each mark. 

Haiku itself was one of the most beautiful planets in the galaxy, but the woman before him was more beautiful than even that. 

It took an elbow in the side from Leia to snap him back to reality. 

“Why don’t you let me do most of the talking, yeah?” She countered, a knowing quirk to her brow as she nudged him again with her elbow. 

He wanted to argue back but Leia had already begun walking ahead of him and the second he moved to catch up, a large guard stepped up to block their path. 

This man was tall, like Elias back in the palace was, but he didn’t wear his intimidating height the same way. He was much broader in the shoulders, much wider in his stance, effectively blocking any line of sight either Poe or Leia had towards the princess. Yet unlike Elias, there was no friendly greeting, no real acknowledgement at all besides his narrowed scowl down towards the two of them. 

For a planet of self-proclaimed pacifists, Poe wasn’t really feeling at peace. 

Not until the soft hum of her voice flowed in from the gentle lull of the shore. “It’s alright, Xia, let them through.”

The wall of a man quickly stepped aside on her orders, revealing the exhausted collapse of her shoulders while she began to pull herself back up to her feet. The languid pull of her muscles was obvious with the delicate cut of the maroon dress across her skin, which contrasted the blood color of the fabric with a dark brown glow, not unlike the sparkle of the magnificent granite mountains under the overhead suns. 

“Dekka Anya-Va…” Leia addressed carefully but was quickly cut off by the return of her coarse hum of a voice. 

“I was hoping by not being at the palace that you would get the impression I didn’t want to meet with you,” her accent was thick, much like Elias’s but her comfort with the language was much more evident as it flowed much smoother from her lips despite the natural raspiness to her tone. It was a mesmerizing sound, complemented by the dulcet tone of the gentle waves, making it something he could easily get lost in if it wasn’t for his ability to still hear the words for what they were. 

Condescending. Nearly mocking if he was being honest. It just didn’t sit well with him, not when directed towards Leia. 

“We got the impression, we just ignored it,” Leia countered, pushing her careful tone to the side in favor of the tone she used when addressing her Commanders, a tone that commanded respect, even if the Princess seemed too aloof to provide it. 

She let out a rugged chuckle at that, jagged at the edges where it seemed to have fought through her throat and out from her perfectly shaped lips. “We…” she hummed, “I wasn’t aware you were bringing friends.”

The pointed tips of her words were sent like daggers with her stare as she turned from Leia to where Poe stood right beside her, hands linked behind his back and still holding his jacket in a tight grip. But as personal an assault it seemed, when he opened his lips to respond, Leia was quick to cut him off. 

“I--”

“This is my pilot, Commander Dameron.”

As unamused as the princess seemed to be, she still did a lot of stone-faced laughter, and that theme held true as her stare held on Poe’s furrowed and focused face. “Does the Commander have a first name?”

With a quick glance to Leia, then back to the Princess, he finally spoke for himself, answering “Poe,” simply. 

He didn’t know what he thought throwing his name into the conversation would add, but he couldn’t determine any reason why not to add it, not until the Princess turned her stare back to Leia and shuddered her shoulders back into a steady stance with her chin raised. “Would you mind telling Poe he can go wait by your ship, I don’t imagine it will be a long conversation.”

There it was again. Aloof, condescending, mocking even. Poe couldn’t stand it. 

“Excuse me--”

“Actually, Dekka Va, I brought him so he could join our talks,” Leia explained, one of her hands shooting up quickly to keep him in place by her side as she felt the heat of his temper rise with her words. 

“He doesn’t seem like he’d be much for conversation.”

He realized his natural disposition may not have been the most diplomatic, he also realized that hot-headed and cocky weren’t necessarily the best qualities for negotiating delicate alliances, but if she was allowed to talk to him with the tone she was taking, he was having a hard time understanding why Leia was keeping him silent. Why even bring him along?

It was infuriating. She was infuriating. She wouldn’t meet them in the palace, she was hiding on the beach, she was biting back with each and every one of her responses. He understood the alliance between her planet and the resistance was important, he really did, but why in the kriff was he even there--

“Dekka Anya-Va, I assure you, Poe is one of my most trusted Commanders and when our discussion eventually turns to shipment methods, he is the only one I trust for routes and numbers--” Leia began, still holding her hand out carefully in front of Poe only to drop it the second the Princess shrugged her shoulders and cut her off the same way she had been cutting Poe off. 

“There will be no shipment discussions.”

“Dekka--”

“I apologize for avoiding the meeting, but it wasn’t accidental, I truly have no interest in meeting with you, General.” She continued, using the brief second they stood silent and frozen in shock to navigate around them and back towards the market. 

Leia was the first to break out of it, Poe trailing behind, but he still remained quiet, holding back his boiling temper as the General continued to argue. 

“It’s a rather important conversation that we need to have.”

The princess continued forward as if she barely noticed them following, and as the density of the market's population began to increase the closer they moved to the palace, she made no move to slow her careful and practiced step through the crowd to accommodate their trailing. Again, condescending and aloof.

Leia broke his train of thought again as she fought with a quickened pace to find her way to her side and continue her argument just within range of Poe’s ears. “A face-to-face meeting will allow us to discuss our deal more intimately, take away any fears you may have and--”

If she cut Leia off one more time, it wouldn’t matter that she was the most respected being on this planet, Poe wasn’t going to be able to keep quiet for much longer. 

“I’m not afraid of anything, General.”

Before either Leia or Poe, with his temper steadily boiling over, could mount another argument, the princess pulled one of her guards aside, retrieving a small pouch of golden coins from him and turning back to the stall that had caught her eye in the first place. It was the stall they had passed earlier, filled with children and the spiky blue fruits which had caught his eye as he thought about the rest of the galaxy. 

And it was exactly where the princess was kneeling down. 

Her rough tone of voice, coated in it’s natural raspiness, flowed out much easier in her native tongue as she let a genuine smile take over her lips. The kids running the booth were bouncing out of their boots as she lowered herself to their level, and their excitement only grew as they began talking to one another in the Hakian language. It would have been heartwarming if Poe weren’t so frustrated. 

He didn’t understand what they were saying and it was clear as he glanced toward Leia and saw her focused brow that she didn’t understand the words being spoken either, but from the shared interactions, he had a pretty decent idea what was transpiring. 

She asked a question, the kids nervously responded, shaking their heads and trying to offer their product for free before she convinced them to accept her coin. Again, a heartwarming display that he didn’t have time for. 

The sun was hot, boiling hot down the back of his neck, and the anger bubbling from within his chest was heating him up from the inside out, making the whole experience ten times worse. He didn’t need to see any heartwarming display, he needed to say something, and he was becoming increasingly overwhelmed with the feeling that when he did, things wouldn’t go well. 

Yet the moment seemed to be drawing closer and closer as the Princess stood back to full height with a bag full of the spiky fruit, passing her coins back to her guard. He was ready to open his mouth, to unload on her with the same hot-headed cockiness that Leia feared he would lead with, but he was again denied the chance as she silenced him by turning her back to the two of them and reentering the crowd, heading back towards the palace. 

It wasn’t until they were down an isolated hallway of the palace that she turned back, opening the bag of fruit and pulling three of the spiked fruit out easily. 

“Dekka--” Leia tried, but the princess silenced her, sticking one of the fruits into her hand before carelessly tossing one in Poe’s direction. 

She was making a point, and they had no choice but to stand there and take it. 

“This is Mewe, one of our planet’s sweetest fruits,” she hummed, holding up one of her own and turning it gently for them to admire even if all Poe could manage was a subtle roll of his eyes. “They cannot grow anywhere else, they require massive amounts of sunlight, and they are one of the most versatile fruits that exist anywhere in the galaxy, edible on their own, full of health, easily fermented, their juice can soothe sore throats and upset stomachs...”

Puncturing the tough, spiky skin with one of her nails, the vibrant teal juices began to drain quickly out of the shell, too quick for even her quick mouth to catch as she brought the fruit to her lips. The following bite she took was effortless following her brief struggle with the dripping juices, and as much as Poe hated whatever point she was trying to make with this display, as Leia followed her lead and took a bite, he had no choice but to do the same. 

And as desperate as he was to stay boiling with anger when he looked at her, even with teal juices dripping down around the corner of her mouth, his mind was flooded with a delicious distraction the second his tongue touched the inner meat of the vibrant fruit. It wasn’t enough for Haiki to be the most beautiful planet in the galaxy, nor was it enough for her to be the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in person, they also needed to have the most overwhelming natural fruits. 

Each hesitant chew he took sparked flavors across his tongue, wild, exotic, unlike anything he had ever tasted before. It wasn’t just that his diet had consisted of bland ration packs for the past few years, the taste was truly sweeter and more complex than anything he had ever had on his tongue. 

As much as he hated giving her the satisfaction, while he looked up from the greenish inside of the skin to find her careful stare, he could see that he was doing little to hide his overwhelming satisfaction with the flavor given her increasingly smug smirk. 

“Haiki is a special place, I don’t think you realize that.” The Princess continued carefully, shifting her stare back to Leia directly. 

“We do, Dekka, however--”

“I don’t think you do.” She was quick to counter. “You would have me pledge my sponsorship to your futile movement and sacrifice my planet and the millions of souls who live here to the wrath of the First Order with nothing to offer me in return. You must think my planet worthless.”

Leia shook her head, taking a brief second to swallow the rest of the fruit she held in her mouth and regain her composure in order to fight back, “We can offer your planet protection from the First Order--”

“Because that worked so well for Alderaan, Raysho, Cardota and Courtsilius?” Again, the princess, without hesitation, cut her off. And this time, Poe was done holding his tongue, the heat finally sending his anger boiling over. 

“And pledging your allegiance to a sociopathic regime of murderers is preferable?”

It was exactly what Leia had feared. It was the exact reason she had tried so hard to keep him quiet. Not because she feared he would shoot and miss, but because of his tone. 

Each word drenched in a level of disrespect he hadn’t earned with her, stepping over a line he didn’t even realize, but one Leia couldn’t help him back from, even as she reached up to grab hold of him to prevent his anger from carrying him closer to the Princess and making things worse. 

“I’ll do whatever it takes to protect my planet.” She held her stance even as Poe stepped up, making no move but the slight uptick of her chin as he got closer. “As a peaceful planet, we have no options to arm ourselves outside of diplomacy and the First Order is being far more convincing.”

“Whatever they’ve said is lies, you can’t seriously consider trusting them.” He spoke like a man with no knowledge of his actions, entirely oblivious to the way her guard tightened their stances the closer he got, too blinded by his anger as she continued to argue back against him. 

“Because the resistance has never lied to us? Because you can be trusted implicitly on your word?”

With another step forward, eliminating any space between the two of them, Poe effectively cut Leia and her futile attempts to get him to back down out of the conversation. “What have they promised you? Safety? Isolation from the war? It’s only a matter of time before they are enslaving your people and stealing your resources--”

“They’ve promised me protection and have been nothing but cordial, unlike you and your failing resistance.” She scoffed, shaking her small bun of greying hair enough to let loose a few strands as she refused to back down. “So you’d do best to mind yourself before you overstep a boundary you can’t walk back from.”

There was a sense of finality to her tone as she ended her sentence, one Leia picked up on immediately, but even as she moved to grab more forcefully at Poe’s arm to pull him back to reality, he continued to fight his way out of it. Hot-headed, stubborn, cocky. She should have known better than to bring him along. She should have known things would go the way they were going. 

“You want me to play nice? People are dying.” 

Everything that happened next happened all too fast. The words came spewing from Poe’s lips and as the Princess turned away, no longer requiring herself to be subject to his cruel intonation, he reached out and grabbed her arm before he could be stopped. 

In the back of his mind, he could still hear the echoing warning Leia had provided him, telling him to keep his distance and speak with nothing but respect, but the flashes of war echoing in his head and the fire burning in his chest were crackling too loud for anything else to matter. A part of him knew it was out of line, that same part of him was begging for him to stop, and yet his hand still found the smooth, tattooed skin of her forearm, holding her in place as she moved to turn away in frustration. 

Leia took a strong hold on the sweat-soaked back of his shirt and yanked him back, but the damage had already been done. “Stand down, Dameron,” she tried out but by the time he released her arm, the guards had already descended upon him, gripping him by each arm and kicking the backs of his legs in to drop him to his knees. 

“I think the damage has been done, General.” Her voice was firm in her resolve and equally firm as her language switched and her tongue released a flurry of orders towards the guards who held the stubborn, fighting Dameron on his knees. 

“What the kriff-- I barely touched her--” He fought as their grips grew tighter, forcing him frozen where they held him. 

Leia tried again, this time not to hold Poe back but to carefully convince the princess, “Dekka Anya-Va, please…”

But her mind was made up and nothing either of them could do would change that. 

“We’ll let him think himself over with a sleep in our cells,” she explained to Leia as her stare then fell back to the squirming form of the curly haired and now defenseless pilot. “You can leave with him in the morning.”

“Are you out of your mind?”

“No, but it seems you might be.” The rough, raspiness to her tone which had been so distracting as it filtered out her accent shifted to something nearly playful, as if the whole display before her was amusing. He was being restrained by a towering guard of thick muscle on each side and she had the audacity to chuckle so plainly in his face, only making him fight more even if he knew it was futile. 

Leia stepped forward carefully towards the princess but before she could muster any last defense, the princess gave a wave of her hand and the guards, with shoulders wide in intimidating bulk, heaved the fighting pilot to his feet and began backing him up, dragging him in the opposite direction. 

“Dekka Anya-Va, let me apologize for his actions--”

“Mensha?” Her raspy voice interrupted the General before any real defense could leave her lips, ushering a young maid out from the small crowd which gathered around the display. “Please escort the General to a room where she can wait, give her anything she needs.”

“Dekka Anya-Va--”

“I’m not my mother, General, the sooner you learn that, the better for all of us involved.”

The long walk back into the depths of the granite palace was all too lonely as the Princess dismissed each and every member of her staff which approached her, even waving away the genuine concern on Elias’ brow and leaving him in the halls as she continued to the throne room. Her back was screaming out from the straight form she maintained with each and every step, but she held her stance and walked on, shoulders firm and chin up, just as she was taught. If anyone passed her, they had to see her as what she was, their leader. 

And leaders didn’t waver, no matter how strong the vacuum of emptiness swirling within their chest was, not when there were eyes to see. 

But the second the towering doors of intricate dark oak shut behind her, leaving her alone in the expansive and empty throne room, her shoulders fell in, collapsing her perfect form as her chin fell to her chest. The weight which settled there was too great, and the hollow gorge that tore through her heart was too powerful. 

Did he really think it was that easy?

Her throat burned with the heat rising out of her chest and her legs grew weaker with each step until she collapsed back against the exquisite throne of dark, sparkling granite consumed by overgrown vines, the words from the hot-headed pilot echoing through her mind, latching onto every thought. 

Did he think it was all that simple? Did he think she saw the blood on the hands of the First Order and so easily ignored it? Did he think it was that easy?

A sociopathic, murderous regime… did he really think she didn’t realize what they were? 

The bubbling in her gut continued on as her thoughts swarmed with a buzzing around her mind and her head fell forward into her hands where her elbows rested on her knees. Her fingers made furious circles of her temples but it made no difference, his words were there, haunting her mind and inescapable. 

Did they really think she didn’t know right from wrong? 

With the responsibility for millions of souls resting heavy on her back, the fate of her kind in her hands, it just wasn’t as easy as good versus bad. No matter how badly she wished it was. 

“Dekka Anya-Va,” the faint voice of one of her staffed maids entered her thoughts as the small woman carefully tiptoed into the room. “The prisoner is… angrily shouting for a meeting with you.”

Her back straightened on instinct, sending a shooting pain up her spine with the quick pace of the change. A pain she could barely mask with her regal tone as turned her stare towards the young woman, “we’ll leave him to calm himself down for now.”

“Of course, Dekka.”

As the door shut again, leaving her alone with her thoughts again, a sigh of insurmountable exhaustion fell from her lips and she collapsed back into the uncomfortable shape of stone. 

If only things could be that simple...

tags: (open)

@cammisanders @rogueonestan @blacksquadron-rougetwo @videogamesandpoorlifechoices @trust-dreamcatcher @mistermiraclee @witchyavenger @randomness501​ @buckstaposition​

[yikesharringrove]

the fic you wrote for my last prompt was amazing, ty 😭 can you do 50 + 56 this time please? and if you want to work in dyslexic!steve too that would be awesome! 🥰

You are speaking my fuckin’ language, dyslexic Steve is my ABSOLUTE jam. Honestly, whenever I write Steve, he’s dyslexic, although sometimes it’s not mentioned because it’s not important to Harry’s journey @ jk rowling

Thank you for your request! I’m really glad you liked the other one I wrote! You’re anonymous so I don’t know which one that is but I really enjoyed writing them all! Sorry for my manic energy rn.

Something a little different, it’s modern au! This is probably nothing like what you were thinking so I’m sorry, but I kinda love it ngl.

50: Secret Admirer

56: “I don’t know if I should be flattered or offended.”

Prompt list!

Billy spent three and a half hours reading through every single tweet on the account.

There were so fucking many of them. The earliest one was timestamped from four days ago, so obviously, this person had no life outside of tweeting.

Tweeting about Billy.

He had a few personal favorites. He had retweeted them to his account, figuring may as well play it up, make a joke outta everything.

@ImHardForHargrove: sorry WHOMST gave you the RIGHT to have eyes that fuckin blue im YELLING

@ImHardForHargrove: watchin u play basketball is a religious experience y are ur arms so BIG hhnnnng

And Billy’s absolute favorite, which he pinned right at the top of his account

@ImHardForHargrove: ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass

Billy knew he looked good. Knew he turned heads wherever he went. He did that on purpose. But realizing someone at Hawkins High had set up a thirst account for him, well.

“I don’t know if I should be flattered or offended.” Billy had explained the situation to Robin, letting her go through the account on his phone. “Like, It’s kinda nice, whoever this guy is, he’s got a crush. But also like, It’s kinda creepy. Plus he’s objectifying me,” Billy was talking through his sandwich.

Robin made a face of disgust. “Why do you keep saying ‘he’? All of the girls in this fucking school are practically drooling for you.”

“Hard for Hargrove, Robin. I know you’re like, revolted by the peen and whatever but that does not excuse a lack of basic sexual education and anatomy.” She gagged at him. Honest to God, gagged. He thought she was gonna spew all over the table.

“If I ever hear you call it a peen ever again, it’s on sight Hargrove.” Heather plopped herself down next to Robin, kissing her cheek before zeroing in on Billy’s phone, still in Robin’s hand.

“Have you guys worked out who it could be yet?” Her eyes were wide at Billy.

“Billy says he thinks its a guy even though people with penises aren’t necessarily men.” Robin gave him a pointed look.

“Yeah Robin, I know that, but, I don’t know I just think it’s a guy penis-having person.”

Heather narrowed her eyes at him. “Do you actually think that, or are you just hoping in that goblin little brain of yours that this account is Steve Harrington’s.” Billy could feel the heat spread down his neck.

“Billy, I know Steve is like, the only out guy in this whole fucking town, but you can do way better than him.  PLUS, I feel like it makes more sense if the person running this account wasn’t out and had to channel their gay yearning through social media.”

“First of all Robin, you have this vendetta against Steve that I don’t get. He’s a nice guy. He’s kinda dopey, kinda dumb, but he’s like, sweet and shit. Second, I’m not out, so it still could be him because he doesn’t think I would, like, accept his advances or whatever. Hence, gay internet yearning.” The chime of the bell sent them packing their lunches, Billy’s phone vibrated in Robin’s hand. She rolled her eyes when he realized he turned on notifications for the account

“Get a fucking life you loser.” She slapped the phone into his hand. He opened the new tweet with embarrassing zeal.

@ImHardForHargrove: i saw u talking with ur mouth full and it was yucky but i was still  🥺🥺

His head shot up, trying to see who would have been facing him during lunch, but the cafeteria was almost empty.

The rest of the week Billy took deliberate care of every interaction he had with anyone. Observing who was in his surroundings, and making note of everything he did and said. He took extra caution around Steve, wanting to spot any minute detail that could give away who ran the account.

The account started blowing up. People were retweeting like fucking crazy. Everywhere he went, he was being asked if he’s seen it, like he doesn’t regularly retweet the good ones. The search for the owner of the account had spread throughout the whole school. A few girls even tried to claim the account was theirs, but every time that happened the account would tweet out something to discredit whoever made the claim, proving them a liar.

Billy was starting to lose hope it was Harrington. The tweets were coming at all different times, posted whenever the person thought about it, so Billy was losing track of who was near when he said or did something. And the tweets were always about stupid stuff Billy didn’t register doing. On Wednesday night the account said

@ImHardForHargrove: hi when you chew on your pencil and it makes me 🥴 that is all thx for comin to my ted talk

Friday afternoon gave them all:

@ImHardForHargrove: walked past ur classroom and u were asleep ive never wanted to CUDDLE someone so bad in my LIFE

But Saturday, Saturday renewed all hope for Harrington Billy could possibly have. Lauren Kranz was throwing a party. It was the first real rager in a while, so everyone was there, and everyone was sloshed. Everyone but Billy, who’d agreed to be designated driver for Robin and Heather like some kinda idiot.

He was brooding on the back porch when his phone went off. The account was active, and the owner was drunk.

@ImHardForHargrove: I can seeeeee u oyt the windw I wan u 2 FUC ME. RAW DOG.

@ImHardForHargrove: srry ur so beauitiful nd THICCC

@ImHardForHargrove: I wana shoot my shot but idk if u lik bois

@ImHardForHargrove: (ys i am boi)

@ImHardForHargrove: nd i dont wana get my heart broken agin 😥

He was right about it being a guy. He was right about him being too nervous to approach him outright. His brain was screaming stevestevesteve at him. Hawkins was shook when Steve came out as bisexual in his sophomore year. He was the golden boy, a real jock. He was NOT the kind of guy people would assume queer in a small midwestern town.

He was kind of a douchebag, dumping one girl for another, sleeping with her and never calling again. But then he settled down with this guy from the University of Indianapolis for a few months until Steve caught him cheating. Apparently, he had slashed the guy’s tires. Billy was impressed.

The next year came Wheeler, who only stuck around long enough to make sure Steve was nice and whipped before she fucked off on him too. So Steve retreated. Spent more time with middle schoolers than anybody else. Didn’t want to put his heart on the line anymore until he knew it wouldn’t be stomped on.  Billy could respect that.

Billy couldn’t risk being out in a town like Hawkins. Word always had a way of getting right back to his dad, and in a tiny hick town with nothing better to do than gossip, it was usually only a matter of hours before Neil heard something he didn’t like.

@ImHardForHargrove: srry 4 bad typing rn. drunk nd dysl exic ren’t a happy combo

Billy’s heart stopped. The drunken idiot was giving himself away. Maybe if he sat here staring at the account long enough, enough would be revealed he could figure it all out like a shitty drunk episode of Blue’s Clues.

He was so focused on Twitter, refreshing his feed, again and again, he didn’t notice a very drunk, and very unsteady Steve Harrington stumbling out the back door towards him. Until he crashed into his back.

“Sorry, Bill!” Billy had Steve by the shoulders trying to keep him upright. “Heyy I have a question for you.” Steve grabbed one of Billy’s hands and veered over to the table and chairs arranged neatly on the small patio. When they were sitting, Steve kept ahold of Billy’s hand.

“Hi.” Steve was smiling like a little kid. Billy was in fucking love.

“hey, Harrington. What was your question.”

“So-oo. I have this friend. A very good friend. Super close. And he has a big ol’ crush on you but he’s too scared to ask you himself because he keeps getting his heart fuckin’ broken so he wanted me to ask. Are you into guys?” It’s a miracle Billy understood any of that, every word blending into the next.

“That depends.” Billy leaned in, running his tongue along his bottom lip. He saw Steve take in a sharp breath, following the movement with his glazed eyes. He knew Steve was talking about himself, he just wanted to rile him up a little. Make him blush first. “This friend you’re talkin’ about. He’s our age? Like you’re not trying to set me up with one a’ your kids, right?” Steve physically recoiled.

“NO, you fuckin’ pedo. I’m NOT trying to set you up with a fuckin’, fuckin’ middle schooler. My friend is, uh eighteen. He’s a senior.” Unless Tommy fuckin’ H. suddenly had a penchant for dick Billy didn’t know about, Steve was 100% talking about himself.

“Well, if he’s as pretty as you are, I’d love to go out with him sometime.” Billy winked. Steve went red.

“Okay, but like, does that mean you’d go out with me? Like I’m as pretty as me, right? Because I was talking about me. Not ‘a friend’ I was talking about me. Steve.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured that out. You know, I was hoping it was you running that Twitter. Any time you’d tweet out something you wanted to do with me, I was always picturin’ doing it with you, Baby.” Billy was practically purring. “Especially all the shit you wanted me to do TO you.” Steve gave something between a whine and a groan and flopped himself onto Billy’s lap, straddling him with very little grace.

“Thank God. ‘Cause you’re so fucking hot I’d let you do anything to me. Anything, Bill.” Billy smiled softly at him.

“Then let me take you home. Let me put you in bed to sleep off all this. And let me take you to breakfast tomorrow. Something nice and greasy for your hangover tummy.” Steve was a puddle in Billy’s lap. “C’mon, Drunky, git your ass up.” Steve just giggled and muttered Drunky Skunky under his breath.

Billy sighed and stood up, hefting Steve up with him.

“Bil-ly,” Steve whined. “You’re so strong, this is so fucking hot. I gotta tweet about this.”

“Tweet it later, Sweet Thing.”

It took Billy for-fucking-ever to find Robin and Heather (they were making out in the basement with the stoners). But Steve chirped and cooed into his ear, so happy Billy could lift him and hold him like it was nothing.

The last tweet from the account was timestamped from Sunday evening.

@ImHardForHargrove: Hi this is Steve. Billy’s my boyfriend now 🥰#ThirstWorks

[tessadoesstuff]

Run It With Love - Chapter 6

Day 6 - Revan 

(Sorry this is late, forgot to post on tumblr!)

A non-linear story of Bly, Aayla, and Quinlan in the time of the Knights of the Old Republic games (about 3,800 years before the prequels) designed to be read without any knowledge of that game or time.

First Chapter!  Previous Chapter!

The first time Sam ever remembers hearing about Darth Revan, it was during their escape from the crashing ship where their memories begin. The words echo and stick in Sam’s head, and Sam has no idea why.

"That smack to your head did more damage than I thought. Bastila's a Jedi. She was with the strike team that killed Darth Revan, Malak's Sith master. Bastila is the key to the whole Republic war effort. The Sith must have found out she was on the Endar Spire and set an ambush for us in this system. I believe Bastila was on one of the escape pods that crashed down here on Taris. For the sake of the Republic war effort, we have to try and find her."[1]    

Sam knows, deep in their soul, that those words are important, that they’re the key to something.

They’re not Sam’s first memory from after the amnesia. Their earliest memory is from twenty minutes before, being shaken awake in a bunk in the crashing Endar Spire . The man who had apparently been their bunkmate filled Sam in as quick as best they could, but Sam felt detached from the whole incident until Carth said those words.

On the surface, those words are what caught Sam, and drew them into this grand adventure. They led Sam to their partners, to Carth and Bastila, who quickly became two of the most important parts of Sam’s life. Those words set Sam on the path to find Bastila on Taris, which led to them being bonded in the Force. That bond became the key to Sam being trained as a Jedi, and the quest to find the Star Maps.

Which brings Sam back to Revan. The quest for the Star Maps which comes from visions they share with Bastila, visions of Revan and Malak hunting for the same Star Maps years ago.

At the end, Sam’s journey begins with Revan, and when they find the Star Maps to guide them to Malak’s weapon, this chapter of Sam’s journey will end with Revan too.

---

Bastila Shan has been tied to Revan as long as she can remember. When she first came to the Jedi Temple as a child, Revan was there. When they were just younglings, Bastila has been told they were briefly inseparable. Bastila doesn’t remember that so much, she just remembers when Revan reached a point when it wasn’t cool to have a little kid hanging around all the time. They had a fight, and Bastila stopped seeing Revan after that.

But that didn’t mean her ties to Revan were broken. Revan would always haunt her every step.

After her friendship with Revan ended, Bastila became fast friends with Lucian Draay, and whenever the other boy came to the temple, they would study together. However, as they grew, the world became tormented, and so did their friendship. The war that had taken place just before they were born, the war against the Sith Lord Exar-Kun had killed Lucian Draay’s father, and left him and the rest of the Jedi scattered and afraid. Lucian was always afraid of the return of the Sith. Bastila knows now he was likely even right, but at the time it seemed ridiculous.

When Revan began to speak out against the Jedi’s stance of neutrality in the budding Mandalorian Wars, Lucian protested, dug in his heels, and began to speak out about the return of the Sith. When Bastila confessed that while she supported the Jedi’s neutrality, she believed the Mandalorians a larger threat than the Sith, she and Lucian fought. She stopped seeing Lucian after that.

Lucian denounced her as a Revanist, despite the fact that she swears she wasn’t one.

Despite being called more and more a heretic by higher ranking Jedi as Revan continued to argue for the Jedi to go to war, Revan was still the brightest padawan of the generation. As Bastila progressed through her studies, she was surrounded by examples of the excellence of her childhood friend. Bastila was talented, and as such was constantly measured against Revan in every class.

That stopped when Revan left.

When Revan and Malak took most of their generation to go fight in The War alongside the republic, Bastila stopped hearing the name ‘Revan’ around the temple. At least, for a couple of years. The masters disapproved, and they were afraid that more of their ever shrinking group of padawans would follow Revan to war, that those who went off to war would fall the way so many had done during the war with Exar Kun. Bastila listened to the Masters and tried to forget all about Revan then.

The Masters were right to be concerned.

When the Republic won the Mandalorian Wars, Bastila thought Revan would finally come home. She remembered her best friend from childhood, the friend Lucian had never been to her, she saw that now. When Revan came back, she had promised herself, she would fix what had been broken.

Revan didn’t come back.

When Revan and Malak disappeared with more than two thirds of their forces and the Jedi that had been with them, the temple once again lit up with talk of Revan, of Revan’s disappearance. No one had any idea where they went, or how to bring them home again. Sometimes there were rumors of either Revan or Malak being seen around the outer rim, but they were never more than rumors.

It would have been better if they never came back from their hunt for the Star Maps.

When Revan did come back, it was as a fallen shadow of Bastila’s old friend. Revan wore a mask of steel and commanded armies that destroyed the Republic and terrorized its people. Revan came back as a Sith Lord. The Jedi council turned to Bastila, with the Battle Meditation ability she had crafted over her life. She was their only choice. She had to kill Revan.

Revan killed the others who went with Bastila, and for a moment Bastila wanted to do the same. Bastila refused to let the dark in then.

These days, Bastila keeps having visions of Revan’s lost days. Sam has the same visions. Bastila worries what that means. Revan hunted the same Star Maps, and now so do Sam and Bastila.

These days, Bastila holds the lovers her teacher told her she should be above having, holds Carth and Sam so very close, and tries not to think about Revan at all.

---

Carth Onasi has never met Revan. During the Mandalorian Wars, Carth was just a lieutenant, while Revan was functionally a general. There was never any reason for them to cross paths. But Revan was a brilliant strategist. The men and women Revan fought alongside won nearly every battle they engaged in, and Revan single handedly changed the tide of the war. Carth admired Revan during those days. The thought now makes Carth sick.

Carth used to think Revan was some sort of hero. A grand warrior who came out of a dangerously uncaring or even corrupt Jedi order, but who managed to rise above it to fight for what is right. Carth knows better now. The dangerously uncaring one was Revan. Who betrayed them so easily, who talked others into betraying  everything they’d known alongside them.

When Revan had left, over half of the Republic’s soldiers had gone too. It disgusted Carth; he couldn’t understand it at all. What Revan had done to earn that loyalty from so many? To earn that loyalty from Saul?

When Revan left, Admiral Saul Karath had gone with. Before that, Saul was Carth’s mentor, his friend, his confidant. And when Saul betrayed the Republic for Revan and Malak, he betrayed Carth to Revan and Malak.

After the desertion, Carth was promoted to Saul’s position. And when the desertion was revealed to be a betrayal? Carth led the battle against the new Sith Army, fighting throughout the outer rim. And so, Saul told Revan and Malak where to find Carth’s family.

Malak and Saul went to Telos IV together, and they destroyed the planet. Bombarded every city, every town, until there was nothing left living anywhere. That bombing  killed Carth’s family. Killed his wife and son. Killed Morgana and Dustil.

It was Saul’s fault, it was Malak’s fault, it was Revan’s fault.

As Carth holds those who now have his heart, clings to Sam and Bastila, he swears that he will kill Saul with his own hands, and that Saul, and Malak, will never touch them.

And yet, the ghosts of Revan remain.

---

Canderous Ordo has knelt at Revan’s feet, and has starred up from the ground at the cold steel mask Revan wore. It was Revan who brought the Mandalorian Neo-Crusaders’ war against the Republic to an end, who put a stop to their conquest. It was Revan who demanded Mandalore’s unconditional surrender, and who claimed their weapons. Revan destroyed Mandalore.

Canderous does not hate Revan. Canderous respects Revan.

How can he not? When it came down to the end, the war between them was a battle of strategists, Canderous leading his warriors and Revan leading the Republic’s soldiers. When it came down to it, Revan had been willing to make the sacrifices and take the chances that allowed for the Republic Army to outmaneuver the Mandalorians, even when no one else was willing to give the orders to do so.

And in the end, when Canderous had crossed blades with Revan, Canderous had been soundly defeated, unable to so much as scratch Revan’s mask. How could Canderous not respect that strength?

Canderous has heard that what truly led to Revan’s death was a betrayal from the inside, from Malak. Canderous can believe that. No matter what Revan did, Canderous knows that Revan will always be the greatest warrior and tactician Canderous ever encountered.

---

Juhani knows that Revan was a bad Jedi and was an Objectively Bad Person. But still, Juhani can’t make herself forget.

Juhani knows that she will never forget how Revan saved her during the Mandalorian Wars, how Revan inspired her to finally leave Taris and go to Dantooine, who gave her the dream of becoming a Jedi.

Juhani will always remember her life on Taris, growing up hated by the humans who held all of the power, and the feeling of her family being the only Cathars on the planet. She knows she was shaped by her childhood as a refugee in the gang-ridden Undercity. She is haunted by the murder of her father, and the way her mother’s life faded out slowly after that until Juhani was alone.

When Juhani’s mother died, Juhani barely had time to make arrangements for the body before the Exchange came. Juhani will never forget the moment the big enforcers told her of her parent’s debt, or the way they took her afterwards.

Juhani can’t ever hate Revan because Juhani can’t ever forget the feeling of standing there, waiting to be sold, only for Revan to lead the Jedi to interrupt the sale, to save her. Because even though Revan never took off that mask, Juhani knows that Revan smiled at her.

---

To Jolee Bindo, Revan is just another page in the never-ending chain of Sith. An interlude between Exar Kun, Jolee’s first chapter, and Malak, Jolee’s current chapter. Revan isn’t even a particularly notable page - Jolee missed Revan’s entire life during his stay in Kashyyyk’s Shadowlands.

From what Jolee has heard and seen though, Revan was nothing special. Revan was just another Jedi, then just another soldier, and then was just another Sith. Jolee has seen hundreds of Jedi, Thousands of soldiers, and more Sith than he cares to count.

People talk about the shock of Revan’s betrayal as though Exar Kun had not done the exact same thing 50 years prior. They talk about the way Revan convinced other Jedi to desert, to fall, as though Exar Kun did not do the same thing first. As though Exar Kun did not convince Jedi to fall in far greater numbers, as though he did not lure away even the best of the Jedi, as though he did not lure away Jolee’s Nayama.

The galaxy talks about what Revan has done, about the people they know betraying them to follow Revan, as though Exar Kun did not inspire the same, as though Jolee never found his wife’s lightsaber at his through as her eyes glowed yellow.

The Jedi Jolee has encountered since returning from Kashyyk talk about the potential Revan had, how great a Jedi Revan could have been, as though there have not been hundreds of Jedi with great potential who never lived up to it. As though Zayne Carrick, Andor Vex, or Shad Jelevan were not padawans with equal potential who did not live up to their greatness the way they were expected too.

Jolee sees how the galaxy talks about how Revan was a brilliant tactician, how no one could outthink Revan, but he’s suitably underwhelmed. He remembers how Krynda Draay out-thought Exar Kun, how she rose up from loss to lead the Republic to victory.

Jolee Bindo never met Revan, but he remembers what came before Revan, and he will remember what comes after.

---

To Zaalbar, Revan doesn’t stand out. Revan is just another human in a galaxy of humans. Zaalbar never even heard the names of Revan or Malak before he left Kashyyyk. If the tales of Revan were told on Kashyyyk, it would be simply added to the list of terrible humans Zaalbar’s father once carved.

Revan was just another human slaver. The only difference is that Revan went after his own people rather than just the Wookies or the other sentients who don’t look like them.

To Zaalbar, Revan is nothing remarkable. The remarkable ones are those who are on board the Ebon Hawk with him, the ones who welcomed him as the family he has longed to have for so long.

---

Mission heard of Revan just once when she was a little girl, before Griff left. She heard of Revan in hushed tones, murmured between the people of Taris, after the destruction of the temple. The Jedi temple that had once been the pride of the governors of the planet, before it had been destroyed in order to chase the Mandalorians from Taris.

After the taxes were raised in the undercity so the governors could build an even more lavish temple to replace it, in hopes of drawing the Jedi back, that was when Mission first heard the name Revan. She learned that Revan was a champion of the non-humans of the galaxy, and that Revan wasn’t there when the temple fell.

Revan came later, to chase out the Mandalorians who remained, or so the stories tell. They talk of how Revan walked through the same filth covered streets they did, who stayed in the same filthy inns they did, who walked for a few days in their shoes.

To Mission and the people of the Undercity of Taris, Revan was a legend, a figure who brought ever so small a taste of equality. Even when the stories the people from the Uppercity told became tainted, talking of a darker Revan, they were considered just another political play by those who lived below. Another attempt to take away the light in their dark world.

Mission believed that as long as she could. She believed it right up until she was aboard the Ebon Hawk , looking out at the destruction Revan’s student rained down. Mission believed in Revan until Revan’s legacy left her one of the last survivors of Taris.

---

Revan first really mattered to Quinlan Vos during an undercover mission on the planet of Dromud Kaas, about six months before he was sent back in time. It was a terrible mission on a terrible planet, largely due to the cultists.

Even nearly four thousand years after the time of Revan, the cult of Revan remained, and Quinlan spent three months undercover in it. During that time, he learned very little, and none of the things he went there hoping to learn. Instead, he learned that many people learn of Revan and view Revan very differently. As Quinlan performed his initiation tasks, he dove deeper into the history of a figure that, while famous at the Jedi temple even in his time, had previously just been another historical figure.

To the cultists, Revan represented balance. The grey between the light Jedi and the dark Sith, given the time that Revan spent as both. They claimed to strive to walk that pathway, neither light nor dark. Quinlan wished that was possible. He didn’t believe it was back then – most of the cultists were deeply dark, and a few light enough that with training Quinlan would label them Jedi. There was no middle grey to be found there, despite their awareness of both.

Now here, in the era of Revan? Quinlan was more sure of that belief than ever before. There was no middle ground here in the galaxy. Those who had once been on the side of the republic were most assuredly not anymore. That did not make them half sith, half-republic, they were entirely Sith.

The same was true for the Jedi who had turned their backs and left their principals and teaching. They did not become grey, they became dark, Sith, the same way Quinlan very nearly had once. If they wanted to be anything but Sith, they would have to work every day to walk in the light the same way he does.

No matter what the cultists of Revan believe, Revan did not walk grey lines. Revan simply walked white and then black. In the force, no one ever managed to walk grey, no matter what they believed or how strong they were.

---

Notes:

1Directly quoting from KOTOR 1.[return to text]

did someone say world-building and foreshadowing? Too bad you get it anyways. Also, a wild Jolee makes his first appearnace.

[weabbynormalblog]

We are what we think and eat Challenge ~ make better choices or try something new.

Finally got to my family doctor. Man what a sucky wake up call, very high blood pressure is serious stuff. So no more caffeine, one of the last dark horses and more exercise needed, still on my journey to better health. I will doge this bullet as well hopefully. First no more coffee thats a given. Ive knocked that habit before. I can surly taper back to 1 or 2 cups. Then herbal tea, juice, water from then on maybe a tea after dinner or b4 bed.

Instead of 30 minute work outs Im adopting small exercise breaks through out the day for 5-7 minutes. Its Quarentine after all. I need to stay in shape, that means walking, swimming and some kind of aerobic work. My ankles and knees are complaining so instead of walking I must get creative.Theres no swimming right now. I do have a mini indoor bike and tension elastics. I guess its time to get into more of it but in a different way. There's only up to go, really. Someone told me the reason I'm on my own right now, is because I can do it on my own. If you find yourself alone know that you can help yourself. You can take control and make a difference. We all feel powerless at some point or another on our trip. I do know how to get into good health and its worked for me so far. I know its by supporting all the parts of me that my journey will be most enjoyable.

Exercise now benefits future better moods. Platies are great low impact exercises designed to strengthen your core. Your on your side back front etc. Do what you can. Sets of 8 and start slow and work your way up. Yoga too is so beneficial. I have my go to moves that are just for my current physical state. Its considered Adaptive Yoga. Thats the beauty of it, you can be in almost any state of health and still do yoga and it keeps you flexible as well as works with different breathing and stress management technics. Good for your lungs and overall health.

Low physical strength, enjoy the various recovery posses. The misconception about yoga is that you need to be able to stand on your head to be good at it. Myth busted. So far from actual truth. Yes yoga does require practice even when using the recovery positions. You need to go at your own skill level and pace. The last 6 months or so exercising has been difficult since one of my wipe outs. Now under investigation by my Familly Physician. Still now knowing about the high blood pressure it makes sense. No more salt either. Small sacrifices in the name of longevity and good health. More meditation to have more calm to offset all that cortisol being released in my injured brain. I feel like my personal alarms are are going off 24/7. Always superstressed out. Yes I've had a lot of improvements with mindfulness training however under severe duress its really rough. I was triggered oh max by a health questionaire about Covid was in order to see my doctor. Sometimes I still need my safe space no joke. Often when knee jerk reactions happen its very difficult to hold all that water back. I've been offered a 24h slow release mood suppressant, Im always wary of new medication. I always rather try the homeopathy solution first.

We are what we think and eat. I have to remind myself of that every once in a while too. I'm not powerless. I can improve my health. Better food choices, no fat too or rather, leaner choices. That is one area where I can still improve. Less meat fat will be easy. Half the same amount of protein will now come from plants. I think I will take cues from none traditional Canadian customs. The biggest meal on our Continent is dinner, when we are usually least active. My biggest meal with be mid day. It will be comprised of all the necessary food groups based on availability and nutritional needs. Dinner will be soup, bread salad type kinda meals. Mutually beneficial. Sometimes during Quarentine I'm able to get Mangos for example. What a treat, nutrient rich from the other side of the Globe. Finding local and fresh produce can be difficult in the winter. Being under this Pandemic really puts all of us to the test. I've really come to appreciate local produce as well as imported. We are capable and we are not alone. Hang in there💚 When in doubt keep at whats working

[fauzhee10069]

JoJolion: What actually happened in Mamezuku Rai's past? (with some villains’ theory & motivation)

The X-Files theme is playing... (& TL;DR at the bottom post)

Back in chapter 75 during Ozon Baby arc, we got a glimpse of of how Mamezuku Rai's past happened.

JJL chapter 75: Ozone’s Baby Pressure – part 3

When he was a child, his parents grew prized high-class pears which would sell for millions of yens. However, because their techniques were leaked, a competitor tied to money-lenders ravaged Rai's parents' orchard, ruining their crop and forcing them to sell the land. Unable to forgive his parents' incompetence, Rai secluded himself on a mountain slope and managed to cultivate fruits in spite of the harsher climate. He was found by Norisuke IV and then he was appointed in secret as his personal fruit grower and appraiser.

However, in recent chapter (99) of JoJolion, we’ve been told that Rai’s father just passed away.

In the flashback, Rai told that he found his parent's orchard infested with insects. After informing them, his father rushed out of the house to deal with it, but was killed by a landslide caused by a typhoon. He then attended his father's funeral. However, there was also Akefu as one of the guests in the funeral, though it seemed that no one know him (including Rai).

Back to the present time, Head Doctor Akefu as Tooru’s Stand revealed his name as “Wonder of U”. He also revealed that he was the real cause of the death of Rai's father.

JJL chapter 99: Endless Calamity – part 5

He told Rai that his father had accidentally triggered the pursuing when he rushed out to deal with the insects, causing him caught in the flow of calamity.

Therefore, in these two chapters (75 & 99), it seems that Araki retcons Rai’s backstory. In the Ozon Baby’s arc, it was told that what damaged Rai’s pear orchard was the act of sabotage by the usurpers who were connected with local money lenders to cut the pear branches. The chapter also said that it was because Mamezuku’s cultivation techniques had leaked to other people in the industry. However in this chapter 99, we’ve been told that it was the work of rock insects and “Wonder of U”.

It is as if the story has changed, but the JoJo fandom page (wiki) actually considers it as if the two events took place at different times in a row. But does this mean that Rai's pear orchard had been destroyed twice?

Rai and The Rock-Humans

Wise Anon in 4chan also suggested that the usurpers who destroyed Rai’s pear orchard could be the rock-humans as well.

Then what was the motivation of those rock-humans to destroy Rai's pear orchard, twice?

JJL chapter 99: Endless Calamity – part 5

I think it's still quite difficult to be able to really tell the motivation of Akefu/”Wonder of U”/Tooru as major antagonist lately. But what Akefu said here sounds like a declaration of war between silicon-based & carbon-based humans.

We have just been shown that Tooru is indeed a rock-human. Urban Guerrilla had also implied that the goal of the rock-humans is to be superior being and reach the peak of society (compared to those ordinary carbon-based humans).

Then in this chapter 99, we’ve been told about the reason the rock-humans are created, it is as the backup for those carbon-based being in case their existence fails. But if so, why were they created together and living together at the same period?

There is also an interesting idea by u/Mamezuku from reddit:

What if rock-women no longer exist anymore? We have never seen any rock-woman (besides the flashback), only groups of men so far. What if the Doctors are trying to use the Locacaca in order to create a legacy, a rock-baby? That's why the perfect New Locacaca is very important to the Head Doctor’s gang. Notice how the narrator specified in this very chapter how normal men can make babies with rock-women, but not vice versa. The growth process that a rock-human has to go through is extremely harsh and difficult, hence why there's not many rock-human alive. What if no rock-women survive in this generation and only rock-men are left now? This would be an awesome motive for the rock-humans (Tooru) and so far it looks like it's heading this way.

Rai and Higashikata

Another interesting thing that I saw in Rai's flashback was the Higashikata family as funeral guests.

We see that Norisuke IV along with Jobin and Hato came to the funeral, we did not see Joshu and Daiya, probably because they were too small at the time. But clearly we don't see Caato here, even in panels when Norisuke IV and Rai were having conversation. I mean, she did not appear in this flashback at all.

This implied that Caato might have been in prison by then, which means that the equivalent exchange in her infamous flashback with Jobin already happened. Jobin and Hato also seemed not much different compared to them in the moment just before Caato got arrested.

Then according to Rai’s old backstory in Ozon Baby arc, he got hired by Norisuke IV as his plant appraiser when he was around 17 years old. Let’s do a little math, JoJolion took place in 2011, Mamezuku Rai is 31 (as his name & age were written in the chapter of his first debut). 31-17 = 14 years ago, 2011-14 = 1997, it was the year Norisuke IV have recruited Rai.

Then the time when Caato got arrested, in present time, she just finished her prison term and was released from prison. She was sentenced for 15 years of incarceration. 2011-15 = 1996, it was the year Caato was caught by the police.

Therefore, the time of Rai's father's death and the destruction of his pear orchard occurred around a year after Caato was jailed. At the funeral, Norisuke IV consoled and gave him his support, he also expressed his concern regarding Rai's pear orchard and the fate of his family. It seemed that Mamezuku family was in a real trouble at that time.

Norisuke IV is the man who is able to see someone's talents precisely. Seeing Rai's talent and the trouble faced by his family at that time, he also helped Rai by inviting him to work together as a plant appraiser in his family business.

The relationship between them turns into mutualism, Norisuke IV saved Rai from poverty due to his family's bankruptcy, while Rai helps Norisuke IV advancing his business further until Higashikata family becomes more successful and prosperous.

So what did Caato have to do with all this? This brought me back to her confusing and mysterious statement during her family reunion:

JJL chapter 58: Dawn at The Higashikata House

This out-of-nowhere claim have been causing those Caatofags to speculate and support the theory regarding her involvement with the cooperation between Higashikata and Damokan Group to the extent that they set aside Jobin’s role as an active player in this shady business. Of course, I believe that Jobin was the only one who initiated the cooperation with Damokan Group secretly (outside his mommy’s influence).

But what if instead of working with Damokan Group, Caato has actually cooperated with Head Doctor’s gang? I think HD gang might have made contact with Caato. It is possible that a contact was made when Caato was in prison (given the interval from her arrest to the destruction of the Rai’s pear orchard) or maybe even prior to that.

What motivated Caato?

Perhaps to prosper Higashikata family business and get rid of their potential business rivals, including Mamezuku family. With Rai's expertise, it is very likely that one day his family will be able to rival or even surpass the success of the Higashikata family. However, by (indirectly) bringing Rai to work for Higashikata family, their business will increasingly prosper. Basically, two birds in one stone.

I always love to see Caato as a foil for Holy: if Holy is a woman who is into scientific matters, Caato could be a woman who is more into business matters. Even her design gives a little hint about that:

Caato is already considered an outsider for Higashikata family, but it is quite interesting to see her wearing one of the attributes of the family on her clothes. However she prefers to use the fruit seller mark rather than the family crest symbol, kinda implying that she no longer cared about the family but still cares about their business.

What motivated The Head Doctor’s gang?

Answering this one is quiet trickier, maybe because it’s still hard to really read their motives. I want to return to the theory of procreation above, but what is already clear is that “the rock-humans really need New Locacaca” and we already knew that the formula of New Locacaca is to plant regular Locacaca on Higashikata’s land that has the property of “equivalent exchange”. However, this formula has just discovered after the birth of Josuke as a fusion-human.

Even so, according to Makorin, the issue regarding the ability of Higashikata’s land to do equivalent exchange has long been known by the citizen and most likely the rock-humans also already knew about it. Besides, by blending with society, it is highly likely that rock-humans (particularly the HD gang) have found out about Rai's talent in horticulture. Perhaps those HD gang (Tooru) have intended to direct Rai to the Higashikata’s land and make him cultivate a whole new type of Locacaca there.

Just like Holy, the HD gang is into scientific matters too. So HD gang has devised a plan to bring Rai to the Higashikata family, namely by eliminating Rai's family’s business and making him work under the Higashikata. HD gang may have used Caato to make this happen.

How did Caato (Higashikata) and Head Doctor’s gang work together?

Seeing the contrast of their motives and the relationship between those Higashikata and the rock-humans all this time, I can’t see their relationship as in a boss/the head and subordinates. They might have worked mutually just as how we have seen Jobin and Damokan Group working together. On the rock-humans’ side, both HD gang and Damokan Group already have their respective bosses (Tooru/HD & Damo), whereas I think Caato had worked independently like Jobin.

You are right, I cannot accept the concept that is often believed by other readers, that there is a single top leader among them (especially the Caatofags). What is most appealing in JoJolion is that each individual has their own situations, motives, and needs, they also have different characters and backgrounds that shape them. However, all of that leads them to one objective: the Locacaca fruit, leading to the race of the New Locacacaca that involving various factions.

How did they meet and who initiated it first?

Because this is still purely a theory, I cannot really answer who started this cooperation. So I will answer how this could be most likely played:

Caato

If Caato was really the one who initiated it, assuming that she made contact with HD gang before she went to prison. She could simply make a call or go to wherever the HD gang was at the time.

But what if it started after she was already in prison? At this point, this will be mere speculation and hype (as a result of the limited information we have about her). The big question is how can she interact with the outside world? Caatofags often hold the idea of how OP her Stand is, mostly by comparing her Stand to D4C. The assumption that she was able to make contact with the outside world happened at the moment when Caato was able to take out her newly released cellphone despite her 15 year-long incarceration.

But since when did she have that phone? Has it been several years before (time travel)? Or did Caato always hide her cellphones in prison and replace them with the latest model every year? Assuming that in the first year of her incarceration, she was able to smuggle her phone. Of course the possibility that he could communicate with HD gang was simply by calling them.

Another bigger question is how Caato knew about Head Doctor’s gang? Could it be just a flashback that hasn't been told to us? Another speculation and hype by Caatofags is that Caato herself is a rock-human, particularly a rock-woman. This theory is also being widely discussed again after the most recent chapter 99 gives brief information about the rock-women. For me, this theory is too far-fetched (and almost bullshit).

Moreover, while this theory is still unconfirmed, those Caatofags have already made up a further theory that Caato is the top leader above all existing rock-humans (including Tooru/HD). I really wonder why Caatofags are so delusional… (and this one really sounds bullshit).

Head Doctor/Tooru

I also don't really know how Tooru got to know Caato or the other Higashikatas (or even Rai), we also need to look further into his background and backstory about it. However, being a rock-human he is, this is more possible for him. We all know that rock-humans (which are silicon-based) generally have longer lifespan than carbon-based humans. Rock-humans can live for up to 240 years. Rock-humans also grows by transformation, which causes them to be much older than what they look (example is Wu Tomoki who looks 33 despite his actual age being 70).

Therefore, Tooru himself might be much older than we think. We have seen the birth of Tooru in chapter 99, but we don't know exactly when he was born. But judging from the flow of panels, during the explanation of how a rock-woman gave birth to her baby until the baby grew up as Tooru. We can say that Tooru was born around Meiji era (1868-1912) or even 1901, the year in which Johnny died. The same year Rina was stricken with the rock-disease.

Whatever it is, this makes it even more likely that Tooru knows the history of the Higashikata family, especially if he knows the ability of equivalent exchange on their land. As a long-lived rock-human, he has many opportunities to learn many things and get as much information as possible. Also keep in mind that Tooru knows about “the saint”.

Then how did he make contact with Caato? With his Stand 「Wonder of U」, I am sure that he is able to do it, even if Caato was already in prison at the time. WOU can move through reflective surfaces while manipulating objects around it, it can also move in 2D and 3D alternately. In chapter 96, we’ve also seen that WOU is indeed capable to enter a prison as it was shown when Rai was in jail. 

With the possibility of Caato's ability to hide a phone with her Stand and WOU which is capable to move through cellphone, of course it's very possible they can communicate. Caato didn't even need to have a phone at the time, because WOU is able to move through any reflective objects not limited to cellphones. And as we have seen in the latest chapters (98 & 99) that WOU/Akefu is able to converse with Josuke and Rai.

Though I'm more convinced that Tooru is more likely the initiator, I don't really see him as the boss who's ordering Caato... or vice versa.

This is the difference that I felt when talking about Caato and Tooru (the two main villain candidates): talking about Caato is like composing a fiction where we only get a couple of sentences to develop into a few paragraphs, or even a story. Whereas talking about Tooru really feels like I'm doing an actual analysis based on some factual data, using the pictures, dialogues and information, comparing and linking several related events.

Then, what had HD gang/Tooru and Caato done to Rai and his family?

The key players who had ruined Rai's family (according to both chapters: 75 & 99) were the money lenders, the unknown usurpers/competitors, the insects (which is likely rock-animals) and The HD/WOU itself.

The insects and WOU were nothing but the work of HD/Tooru, therefore the money lenders & competitors could be the work of Caato.

However, the problem is...

It still feels strange if Rai's pear orchard have to be destroyed twice. Also, according to the chronology on his wiki page, the sabotage by money lenders happened first (because in that chapter 75, Rai's parents were mentioned as "father and mother"). After that, Rai's father died by calamity when he went to deal with the pest insects.

This chronology does not support the idea that Caato and HD gang had worked together, as if they had worked independently in ruining Rai's life.

If so, is that really what actually happened?

There is still hope, considering that Caato was in prison, which means that she had limited mobility. Therefore, the first incident of the damage to the Rai's pear orchard could have been done by Caato with the help of HD gang.

Then seeing that Rai's family was able to recover again, HD/Tooru took second action which eventually caused the death of Rai's father.

But the other last problem is why did Caato still care about helping her family business when she had been jailed (and abandoned by them)? As I said before, there are two possibilities: the cooperation happened either “before” or “after” she was jailed. Perhaps Caato already planned it before she was jailed. Whatever it is, it means that Caato had committed two sins and hid them from Norisuke IV: “murder & sabotage”, all for the sake of her family.

Perhaps the first event with money lenders happened before she went to prison whereas the second event with insects & WOU happened after that. Surely, they ruined Rai’s life twice because their main objective was "to get Rai into the Higashikata family."

Another interesting trivia is that Rai's age had actually been retconed from UJ release to the tankobon release. Originally, he was meant to be 32 years old, but Araki changed it into 31. If he was initially to be 32 years old, then he would be 17 around 15 years ago! The same year as Caato's prison sentence and what she claimed that she has role in the 15 years success of Higashikata business. No wonder she thinks that she deserve her compensation.

Also, take a note that the Caato said her controversial claim in chapter 58 whereas Rai was first mentioned in chapter 59 and debuted in chapter 64. Perhaps Araki had originally intended to involve Caato in Rai's past (although I wonder why he changed it for some reason).

I dislike the hype Caato as the main villain, therefore I often try to debunk any far-fetched theory from her supporters. But that does not mean that I shall disregard Caato’s potential role as long as the theory that support it makes sense.

TL;DR Caato might have been involved in Rai's past, she could have worked with Akefu or did it personally. This could be the answer for the "15 years" claim she said about helping Higashikata business back during the family reunion in chapter 58.

That's all I can think about Rai's past and Caato's claim, which are both confusing af.  Though it's also quite odd, if Caato is the person behind the goal of making Rai work under Norisuke IV, why didn't Jobin know Rai's identity as their family plant appraiser? Why didn't Caato tell him?

Read further:

Mamezuku Rai's past and Caato’s missing potential (invalid)

Caato’s potential role in Rai’s past

[squeezeofthehand]

A (late) Review of Moby-Dick: A Musical Reckoning

I saw Moby-Dick: A Musical Reckoning by Dave Malloy last month, and I can basically divide it into “The Good, The Bad, and the Racist/Queerphobic/Ableist etc”

Some background: As most people who’ve ever spoken to me will know, I have a special interest in Moby-Dick AND Dave Malloy/Rachel Chavkin musicals (I truly believe that Great Comet is one of the best works of all time) and I consider Malloy and Chavkin both to be my biggest heroes and inspirations, at least when it comes to their respective style of writing and directing. That being said, they’re not perfect. I waited for this musical for about two years, and music/set/etc wise it exceeded my expectations, but it also majorly let me down in a lot of ways.

The Good: The cast! The crew! The set! (It was literally The Pequod - like, they got rid of the stage.) The lighting design in particular was really good - thank you, Bradley King. Manik Choksi, Andrew Cristi, and Starr Busby are gods. I do not have a singular bad thing to say about the cast or the design team! Even the stuff that was tacky/campy (i.e. some of the puppets) was tacky/campy in an enjoyable way. And the “fun” parts of the show were REALLY fun - the fact that they invited the audience on stage, the fact that they TRIED to make Moby-Dick more accessible even if they didn’t do it perfectly at times….the music, when not problematic, was BEAUTIFUL. Listen, I’d be lying if I said Dave Malloy wasn’t one of the best composers when it comes to skill. Everyone in that show sure can act, and sing…the band too, was marvelous, I heard no errors from anyone. This is, what, a three hour long show? And the cast/band was just like, “oh, no big deal.” Which makes “the bad” and “the racist” even worse because these people deserve better. This show deserves better, it deserves to be better.

The Bad: Well, as a book fan, I disagreed with a lot of characterization…most of which can fall into The Racist etc, so I’ll just focus on the “bad but not inherently problematic” here. I really didn’t agree with a lot of things about Ahab’s characterization, i.e. I did not read him as just a bad white guy who’s the epitome of privilege. Stubb, on the other hand is, a canon white supremacist in the book and that barely gets acknowledged in the ways that it should. I do get what Dave was trying to go for, especially in re: Ahab & climate change, but this wasn’t the show for it - or at least, Ahab wasn’t the character for it. Which brings me to my next point: Most of the time, I’m a fan of the quirky Malloyian anachronisms and parallels to modern day issues, but I feel like he was trying too hard here and stepping out of line. Loose adaptations can be fun, anachronistic adaptations can be fun, even INACCURATE adaptations can be fun…but this just wasn’t. It didn’t feel like Moby-Dick, but more like a story vaguely inspired by it. If that had been what he was going for, it would’ve been fine, but he really acted like this would be an accurate adaptation of the book, so I felt let down. The only anachronism/breaking of the fourth wall that I somewhat liked were the talks of Melville and Hawthorne, honestly, and even those I’d sacrifice in favor for accuracy to the source.

And now…The racist/etc.

So. 

Where to begin? I suppose chronologically. Queequeg. Who, according to Dave Malloy, is a stereotypical flamboyant queer person of color! and also a quirky cannibal! He’s trans in the musical, apparently, but there’s not much indication of that in the show beyond from him wearing a binder and a skirt. Now, I am all for trans Queequeg of course, but he was a caricature in this particular adaptation. I do not blame Andrew Cristi. I blame Dave (and mayyyybe the costume designers to some extent). I felt baited. Also, early production rumors and quotes said that there would be a song in which Queequeg saved someone from drowning. That never happened. It pains me to say it, but he didn’t feel that much like an important character (due to the bad writing -- again, it has nothing to do with the actor). 

Additionally, Dave Malloy said that Queequeg and Ishmael would be a clear gay relationship…but the musical left so much room for them to just be interpreted as friends. It somehow became less gay than it is in the original Melville novel. The marriage was excluded, as were the quotes about them being a cozy and loving pair and about Queequeg holding Ishmael like a wife. They were replaced with the “I don’t wanna sleep with a cannibal” song, which was fun to watch at first but way too grossly stereotypical for me to genuinely enjoy it. Queequeg deserves a fun and light-hearted song, but he does not deserve a racist/homophobic one. My advice? Replace it with the actual chapters from the book, please. I do like the fact that The Pacific was a romantic duet and that they sing directly at each other during Squeeze Of The Hand, but those two songs are mere scraps especially compared to, for example, the Bosom Friend chapter of the book. It looked like they were going to kiss during The Pacific and I was very disappointed that they did not. Perhaps the team should keep the songs the way that they are for future productions, but add more romantic staging.

Pip-not-Pip/Elijah/??? (Ashkon Davaran’s character) and Fedallah were also major, major, issues. Not the actors, I love them. Not the book characters, I love them. But the musical characters.

Basically, Fedallah gets this 20 minute long monologue that can be summed up as “religion is bad” and a lot of other things including but not limited to egotistical fake-woke praise on color conscious casting and how badly America is fucked. And that’s not even mentioning the fact that Fedallah is Parsi and Zoroastranian in the book (and it is NOT good rep in the book by any means, trust me, I’ve been calling Malloy out on his racism but I can’t act as if book!Fedallah was anything less than an ~exotic caricature~ either). However, that’s beside the point, at least in this review. Musical!Fedallah is not Parsi nor Zoroastranian. Don’t read this the wrong way, I’m all for Black Muslim rep! But with a character who is already canonically something else? Take a white character and make them a Black Muslim, I encourage that, but when a character is already something else, no.

If the monologue was influenced/written by the actor, that’s one thing and I’d have less issue with it, but I think Dave wrote the vast majority of it, which…yikes…

My constructive criticism: Cut the Fedallah monologue. If the creative team still wants the actor/character to have the same amount of stage-time as he does now, replace it with a different monologue, maybe something from the book? Something about whaling history?

Another thing that needs to be cut or at least completely rewritten: Tambourine. The song starts off with an ableist verse that can be summed up as “you think you’re crazy because you get nervous on the subway? No! I’m more crazy than you!” Don’t take this as me saying that Pip’s trauma/PTSD shouldn’t be addressed at all, but this is the absolute worst way to address it. The song also has a lot of performative lines such as “is god cisgender?” Which, considering this is the same musical that also has trans bait, I truly hate it. Not that I think God should ever be viewed as a cis white man, but much like the “America is awful” stuff in the Fedallah Monologue, this is an offensive and fake-woke way to address such a topic. 

Part IV was really heart-wrenchingly beautiful. No criticism there.

To summarize by part-

Part I: Cut/replace the campy Queeqeug song, but otherwise keep it as it is.

Part II: Cut/replace the racist and xenophobic Fedallah monologue.

Part III: Cut/replace Tambourine. The rest of the Ballad Of Pip (starting with Kim Blanck’s beautiful song) is alright. Good, even.

Part IV: Great! No editing needed besides from the typical tweaking that writers may choose to do after their first draft.

In general: Make Ishmael/Queequeg more obvious, make Queequeg less of a caricature, do some major editing to Fedallah and Pip-Not-Pip/Elijah/???. Tambourine and Fedallah’s Monologue need to be completely rewritten, but I get that the creative team may not want to take scenes away from the actors, which is why I encourage them to remove all of the racist bs and create something completely new/different for the actors to perform. 

I understand that Moby-Dick is clearly a work-in-progress on all levels. I do not dislike for the show for being a scrappy rough draft. I judge it for its racist, homophobic, ableist, etc messages. Dave has acknowledged that this first copy is far from perfect, and I sincerely hope that the racism/etc. is the first and main thing that he fixes. 

[frmartinshomiliesandreflections]

25th November >> Fr. Martin’s Gospel Reflections / Homilies on Luke 21:12-19 for Wednesday, Thirty Fourth Week in Ordinary Time: ‘Your endurance will win you your lives’.

Wednesday, Thirty Fourth Week in Ordinary Time  

Gospel (Except USA)

Luke 21:12-19

Your endurance will win you your lives

Jesus said to his disciples: ‘Men will seize you and persecute you; they will hand you over to the synagogues and to imprisonment, and bring you before kings and governors because of my name – and that will be your opportunity to bear witness. Keep this carefully in mind: you are not to prepare your defence, because I myself shall give you an eloquence and a wisdom that none of your opponents will be able to resist or contradict. You will be betrayed even by parents and brothers, relations and friends; and some of you will be put to death. You will be hated by all men on account of my name, but not a hair of your head will be lost. Your endurance will win you your lives.’

Gospel (USA)

Luke 21:12-19

You will be hated by all because of my name, but not a hair on your head will be destroyed.

Jesus said to the crowd: “They will seize and persecute you, they will hand you over to the synagogues and to prisons, and they will have you led before kings and governors because of my name. It will lead to your giving testimony. Remember, you are not to prepare your defense beforehand, for I myself shall give you a wisdom in speaking that all your adversaries will be powerless to resist or refute. You will even be handed over by parents, brothers, relatives, and friends, and they will put some of you to death. You will be hated by all because of my name, but not a hair on your head will be destroyed. By your perseverance you will secure your lives.”

Reflections (5)

(i) Wednesday, Thirty Fourth Week in Ordinary Time

Today we begin a week of witness for persecuted Christians (25th November to 1st December). It is an opportunity to Christians in Ireland to stand in solidarity with, and bear witness to, the heroic example of our persecuted brothers and sisters in faith across the world. We are invited to pray not only for persecuted Christians but for the persecutors of Christians as well. Today, the first day of the week of witness, has been designated Red Wednesday. We are asked to wear something red as a mark of the blood lost by Christians in defence of our faith. This evening, there is a Red Wednesday launch with Archbishop Eamon Martin live streamed from St. Patrick’s Cathedral Armagh at 7.30 pm. In today’s gospel reading, Jesus tells his disciples that people will seize them and persecute them and hand them over to religious and political authorities. That warning of Jesus is still coming to pass in our world today. Christianity is the most persecuted religion in the world with at least 80% of all religious persecution globally inflicted against Christians in any given year. Over 9,500 churches are attacked annually around the world. We are fortunate to live in a society where freedom of religion is guaranteed under the Constitution. We can best support our persecuted brothers and sisters in Christ by living our own faith courageously, relying on the promise of Jesus in today’s gospel reading to give us the eloquence and the wisdom we will need when our faith is put to the test. What Jesus calls for above all at the end of that gospel reading is endurance. We need to keep witnessing to our faith in the Lord when times are difficult, such as in these Covid days.

And/Or

(ii) Wednesday, Thirty Fourth Week in Ordinary Time

It was Mother Teresa who said that, in calling us to share in his work, the Lord does not ask us to be successful but to be faithful. In this morning’s gospel reading, Jesus paints a bleak picture of what lies ahead for his disciples, as they set out to bear witness to him. The story he tells of what is to come is anything but a success story. He speaks of persecution, imprisonment, betrayal, hatred from others. What the Lord looks for in all of these negative experiences is mentioned in the last line of the gospel reading – endurance or perseverance. The Lord wants us to be faithful in the midst of apparent failure. It is tempting to lose faith when our relationship with the Lord, - our efforts to serve him - seems to bring us more grief than joy. We can identify easily with the seed that fell on rocky soil, those who endure only for a while; then when trouble or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately they fall away. It is the Lord who makes possible our endurance to the end, rather than just for a while. Jesus promises his disciples and us in today’s gospel reading, ‘I myself will give you eloquence and wisdom’. In times of struggle and failure we are invited to rely on the resources the Lord gives us, so that we may endure to the end, and not just for a while.

 And/Or

(iii) Wednesday, Thirty Fourth Week in Ordinary Time

The gospel reading this morning reflects the reality of life for many Christians at the time that the gospels were written. Bearing witness to Jesus and to his values in that culture meant being put on trial by religious and political authorities, leading to imprisonment and, sometimes, to death. It often meant the experience of betrayal by family members and closest friends. It was bearing witness to one’s faith publicly which generated all this hostility. It was possible for believers to keep their faith private in those times, and to live a reasonably undisturbed life. Yet, authentic faith is always public. Our relationship with the Lord may be very personal to each of us, but it can never be relegated to a purely private sphere. Our relationship with the Lord is to be the most important relationship in our lives. If that is so, it will impact publicly on all our other relationships, on everything we say and do. We don’t just keep the faith in some kind of private space; we live the faith in a public way. That will never be easy, in any culture. Yet, the Lord assures us in today’s gospel reading that he will give us the resources we need to enable us to witness to our faith when it is difficult to do so. His enduring presence to us will make it possible for us to endure.

 And/Or

(iv) Wednesday, Thirty Fourth Week in Ordinary Time

In this morning’s gospel reading, Jesus paints a very dark picture of the future for his disciples. He speaks of persecution, betrayal, hatred and, even, death. That was the reality for many of the earliest Christians. We only have to think of the persecution of the church in Rome by Nero in the year 64 arising from the great fire in the city that year. Yet Jesus inserts a great light into the midst of that dark picture. He promises to give his disciples the resources they need to withstand the hostility they will experience. As a result, not a hair of their head will be lost. That same promise is made to all of us. When our following of the Lord, our response to the Lord’s call, brings us into difficult and threatening territory, the Lord will always be there with us. In the darkness of the struggle, he will always be our light. He will always provide the resources we need to remain faithful, or in the language of the gospel reading, to endure. Faithfulness, endurance, is what the Lord asks of us, and it is his resourceful faithfulness to us in difficult times that will make our faithfulness possible.

 And/Or

(v) Wednesday, Thirty Fourth Week in Ordinary Time

Today’s gospel reading is set shortly before Jesus enters into his passion. In this setting Jesus speaks to his disciples about their own passion. He tells them that they will be seized and persecuted, handed over to the authorities and to imprisonment, all because they bear the name of Jesus. Those words of Jesus have come to pass throughout the history of the church. Indeed, people are being persecuted for their faith in Jesus today in huge numbers. Although, we are not being persecuted for our faith here at home, it is more difficult to be a believer in today’s world than in the more recent past. The social support is much less. In a sense, every Christian generation has its problems and difficulties. In the gospel reading, Jesus assures us that he himself will be with us when we find ourselves facing opposition and hostility and are tempted to discouragement. ‘I myself will give you an eloquence and a wisdom that none of your opponents will be able to resist’. At such times we are not left to our own strength. Moreover, because the Lord is with us to support us, the trials and tribulations that come our way because of our faith are an opportunity for us to bear witness to our faith. Jesus declares ‘that will be your opportunity to bear witness’. We witness not in our own strength but in the strength the Lord gives us. Jesus goes on in that gospel reading to make a wonderful promise to all who are faithful to him during difficult times, ‘your endurance will win you your lives’.

Fr. Martin Hogan.

[autisticstarseed]

👐 Hand washing guide when you have sensory issues 👐

tbh. we shouldve been talking abt this a long time ago for many disabled ppls sake but ive put this post off for like a million years out of pure solidified fear of ableist harassment/kneejerk ignorance and also generalized cringe idiots but now that we got so much covid-19 fear and autistic ppl actually tend to have weaker immune systems than most people lets jump the shark;;;

i have autism and i physically struggle with washing my hands as often as i want to, having wet hands, drying them, the temperature difference, bad soap smells/textures, etc. are all genuinely painful. the good news is that ive dealt with water aversion shit since birth (its a common sensory issue), so ive had time to figure out alternatives and coping skills that still help reduce risk of disease and spreading it in ways that i can personally manage. (ie. not lazy or selfish or gross. genuinely putting more effort into this every day task than most other people would even think about. just disability lads) so heres the guide i have to offer if you’re in a similar boat, with some keypoints about hand hygiene and tips addressing the most common sensory struggles ive noticed with it;;;

1. hand sanitizer

i love hand sanitizer, i can get it in almost any scent i want and it dries down very very fast. the problem is; hand washing and hand sanitizer do different things. it only kills certain types of germs. which is all fine and dandy, but because of this, using only hand sanitizer wont actually keep you from catching or spreading many illnesses. so what its good for is times you cant wash your hands (out in public, sensory overload, no spoons, etc), thats fine, but it should not replace all hand washing if at all possible. it is supposedly effective to covid-19, but so little is currently known that it should not be considered your go to for this, and the only unanimous statement straight from the CDC is that hand washing works best at preventing its spread.

temperature - if you have trouble with it being too cold, conveniently keeping it in your pocket or closely against your body in some way warms it up and makes it much more comfortable. 

scent - they come in almost any scent you can imagine, but if you have trouble with strong scents, there are ‘scentless hand sanitizers’. they usually have a faint chemical smell, so if there are any testers available, you should check to make sure it can work for you before you buy it.

texture - if gel doesnt cut it, they also make foamy hand sanitizers and liquid sprays, but theyre harder to find and might be a little more pricey.

and remember; always buy hand sanitizer that says it contains AT LEAST 60% alcohol, the higher alcohol content the better, but try to keep track of how high it is and how much you apply it so you dont dry your skin out. and right now price gouging is pretty bad, so dont be surprised if you cant find any for a while, and dont buy any small bottle that costs over a couple dollars, its a rip off.

2. hand washing 

so what does hand washing do thats better than sanitizer??? soap and water lift up the dirt and oils that are carrying the germs and actually wash them off, and not only that, it also gets rid of all the things sanitizer cant, such as dust/dirt, spores, chemicals, and the previously mentioned viruses that are harder to kill. ik to an outside perspective it might not seem that hard, but obviously when you have autism and these tasks are split down into bigger ordeals and sensory nightmares, it can feel impossible. 

soap - there are so many different kinds of soap! scentless soaps exist, and they very rarely have any lingering chemical smell! theres also soap for sensitive skin, and baby soap also works well for that issue. bar soaps can come in all different shapes and sizes, with many different ingredients and additives to choose from (independent soap makers are an amazing source for customized soap btw), and liquid soaps can be pure gel, frothy, mousse-y or even have tiny exfoliating or moisturizing beads in them if thats a sensory experience you enjoy. this is my number one rec for people struggling with hand washing bc of sensory issues;;; mix up the soap. finding one that gives you an okay or even a GOOD sensory experience can completely turn around an otherwise meltdown inducing task

temperature - this is the one thats always been hardest for me. cold water straight up hurts me, and our plumbing is Terrible, so the trick i have for slow pipes is to run the hot water on high as Soon as i get into the bathroom. leave it going and by the time you’re done there should be at least lukewarm water. if this still takes too long for you, try out the various sinks in your house, usually one is able to get hot water faster than the rest (for me its the kitchen sink) and that can become a designated station for you if need be.

texture - some ppl just hate water. if thats the case, it rly doesnt change much abt the process if you use less water, ie work the soap into a lather, and then only use as much as you need to rinse it off. you dont have to keep your hands under the whole time, the soap clings to the dirt, the water takes it off all together, as long as you scrub well and rinse till you see no suds, you’re good 

If it really comes down to it, a washcloth with water+soap, a disinfecting wipe, or even literally just a rinse with plain ol water is better than nothing, but the stream of water and act of rubbing the soap in is the most effective combo against disease. soap/disinfectant wipes and hand sanitizers are your second best option. if theres a time in your life where an issue is so disabling for you that you truly cant keep any of this up, rly the most important thing is to limit your direct physical contact with your face and commonly used objects as MUCH as possible until you can figure smth out. (you kno those old ladies that grab a wipe and open the doorknob with it between their hand and the knob? become that old lady) and if push comes to shove, if a safe and accepting therapy setting is something accessible to you, hygiene struggles are actually something many mental health professionals understand Very well and can help you cope with personally and directly, without shame.

3. hand drying

this is also. my personal hell. and what most people say is the hardest part of the sensory experience. but ya cant just walk around with wet hands right

towels - the obvious choice for most, but to me they actually dont dry enough. i always end up damp and with lint stuck to me. this kills the man. but hand towels do have some variety to them, you can find em with really long fibers or really short/flat, really fuzzy or really stiff, etc. sounds silly but its smth a lot of ppl dont think about that can change a lot. you can also try super absorbent towels (yes like a shamwow), and again baby bath towels are also an option if you want something gentle.

paper towels - yeah a little more wasteful and expensive, but imo much more absorbent. theyre also pretty thin so you can get between your fingers (MY BANE), and under your nails if you use a corner. 10/10

blow drying - ik this is the kind of shit you only see in like movie theaters and malls and they are definitely LOUD AS SHIT, but if you happen to have the money, and struggle more with Textures than Noise, ie a stream of warm air seems worth the sound, you Can actually find a small basic one of these items for your own home. 

4. public restrooms

everybody hates em!!! but you can make em more tolerable;;;

soap - bring your own! little travel soaps you can keep in your bag are a godsend for ppl with sensory issues, sensitive skin/allergies, and if you just prefer not sharing soap.

temperature - most public places i notice actually do get hot water pretty fast (like,,, too fast,,, like,,, it bur ns me) so if there are no faucets and its too hot or too cold, once again you can try different sinks and one might be more comfortable. if there are faucets i recommend grabbing a paper towel to turn it off, so you dont have to touch it again with your clean hands.

sound - WHY R AUTOMTIC FLUSH TOILETS SO FUCKEN LOUDD..... honestly if you have noise cancelling earmuffs or earplugs or w/e pop em in. if you dont have any of that i just literally plug my ears with my fingers when i stand up. if you struggle with the sound of the blow dryers, they almost always have paper towels as well, but its a great idea to carry something like that around in your bag with you just in case. if its really packed and people chattering is getting to you, sometimes the ‘family’ bathrooms are actually smaller and less full. if its bad enough and you feel comfortable asking, an employee might be able to direct you to a single stall bathroom or at least a different one than that.

and though its convenient, try not to use your sleeve to touch things like doorknobs, toilet handles, etc. instead use something disposable like a paper towel or wipe, bc the germs will simply transfer to your sleeve and still risk infecting you. 

5. schedule

the number one suggestion is to wash your hands literally as often as possible during a time like this but like. even for allistic/nt/abled/ ppl thats just not always an attainable schedule so the Best times to wash your hands are;;;

after using the bathroom - the most important time and generally the easiest to get used to. its smth you have to do multiple times a day that already has a schedule, and if you were to forget or go into sensory overload its usually immediately accessible as soon as you can. as i mentioned earlier, if you need help remembering, you can turn the water on when you first get in and leave it going.

the doctors - ANY KIND of health facility should be avoided right now unless really necessary, places where sick people would frequent is the quickest way to get sick but like. ya rly cant help it sometimes right. you cant stop dealing with your own illnesses just bc theres another one floating around. so, this is time to go apeshit on the handwashing. if your health issue involves coughing and sneezing, ask for a face mask. bring a scarf in case they dont have any, its not as great but better than nothing. otherwise, you honestly dont need it, face masks are more for these people bc they keep germs in better than out. whether you’re worried abt getting sick or infecting others, this is a time to use hand sanitizer, avoid physical contact like shaking hands [autistic cheering], and when you first arrive and right before you go to leave are the most important times to remember to wash your hands. 

preparing food - not as commonly spoken about, but also easy to work into a schedule. i personally dont care unless its food for somebody else or if im going to be putting my hands on it a lot, but if thats the case, a lot of the time thats produce you already want to wash in the sink, so you can kill two birds with one stone there. dont just get the germs off your own hands, get em off the fruits and veggies before you eat em. carpool

after grocery shopping - not very common. most ppl just slap some sanitizer/a wipe on there or dont think abt it at all, but if you just got home from walmart thats a great time to wash. you just touched a bunch of items other people touched, including the cart, money/credit cards, and all the products people will pick up and put back, so its prime germ time babey. But again, sanitizer or a wipe will help if its all you can manage after a trip out like that.

before self care - also uncommon. ppl always say ‘dont touch your face’ and ‘apply this product with clean hands’, and what they mean is that one of the fastest ways germs get into your system is through your mouth, nose, eyes and ears. if you’re simply washing your face theres not as much concern, but applying a mask, moisturizer, makeup, etc. should all be done after a gentle rinse of your hands (and face). very hard to get into the schedule of, but if you consider it a Part of your ‘self care’ or use a special fun cleanser, it can stick a little easier.

6. stim items

STIM ITEMS!! if you have stim items, its a good idea to clean them regularly, but even moreso during an outbreak like this.

rubber/plastic - if it goes in your mouth, hot water (not hot enough to melt!) and dish soap, if it doesnt, look up how to safely make a diluted bleach solution.

silicone - silicone is usually dish washer safe.

fabric - if its light, add bleach to the washing machine, if its colored, you can use white vinegar or hydrogen peroxide which are less likely to discolor any dyes. lysol detergent is also super great. small items you’re worried about losing, or items with details/loose parts, you can usually wash inside of a sealed pillow case. 

‘squishies’ - for ‘mochi’ squishies aka the rubbery ones, soap and water + some dusted baby powder or corn starch (optional) to keep it from grabbing lint for a while. for foam squishies, they can rarely be deep cleaned without the risk of growing mold or taking paint off, but a disinfecting wipe every now and then should keep it clean for a while.

slime - cant be disinfected, sorry. also a breeding ground for mold if you arent careful, so its always best to cycle through these quickly.

technology - cant really be completely sterilized, but there are many places to get sprays and cleaning wipes for the devices you use that can at least keep the areas your hands frequently touch a little cleaner.

BUT of course if your item comes with instructions on how to wash it, always follow that instead. this is just a general idea.

and as a final note;;; disabled ppl should not feel guilty or dirty for struggling with this. like. man idc abt ur cringe feels or your ignorant blame or your lack of understanding/sympathy for what goes into these tasks for us. if u dont wanna get our struggles and sensitivities when we’re working twice as hard on functioning tasks which personal ease you take for granted, thats on you. @ disabled people if you struggle with maintaining the same standard of hygiene as nts you arent gross or bad fucking person, you’re disabled and by definition that means your level of functioning will be different, and you deserve sympathy. its just that germs dont discriminate, they wanna cause problems for everybody involved (especially you!!!), so Anything you can manage is Great and if anything from this post can help make it a little easier for people in any way, i feel its absolutely necessary to talk about with respect and dignity. people with autism/adhd/sensory processing disorder/similar neurodivergencies/literally anybody else this could benefit, pls feel free to add on any tips you might have or send me questions. let disabled ppl help disabled ppl do our personal bests