#the only hacketts i respect and care about
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jackienautism · 2 years ago
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I’m thinking about this idea of Kaylee and Caleb’s mom having prophetic visions of everything that would happen to her children whilst being unable to stop it despite her best efforts. When Harum Scarum first arrived on her wedding day, she made sure to find Silas and Eliza and apologize for everything that would happen, despite knowing the timeline was already locked. Despite everything, she tried her best to care for Caleb and keep him away from Travis’ influence until it was her time to go. She dies clutching her doomed daughter close to her chest; the last vision she sees is the three children in another life bound together not by a curse, but a pact of love and unwavering faith in each other.
i dont have much to add other than GOSH IS THIS IDEA SO FUCKED AND SAD..... the whole concept of like... locked in timelines and stuff is so interesting and cool. especially in this case, knowing how like. unavoidable these specific characters' fates are in game. ESPECIALLY silas eliza and kaylee's
the "doomed daughter" line especially gets me ): cant even imagine what it mustve been like to like..... live your life knowing NOTHING you do would affect the outcome of your loved ones'. AND GOD... KAYLEE CALEB AND SILAS AS A TRIO IN ANOTHER WORLD / LIFE.... hope to see something of the like in two steps forward, one step back :eyeballs: realistically understand why it wouldnt happen though, especially in canon, but ill still be Hoping
is there a specific reason why their mom kept having these visions? and did she ever have a vision of her own death? like. did she know she was eventually going to die after giving birth to kaylee? i know travis is an Ass but is there a reason specifically why she wanted to keep caleb away from him?
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sol-consort · 11 months ago
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Who is a non romancable npc that you would've liked to romance in each game?
I want to fuck Admiral Hackett.
Man, it feels good getting it out there, you feel me? These things are good for you.
Anyway, so.
ME1
Wrex
didn't know much about korgans at the time and just thought they were the hottest thing alive. Especially that stare down Wrex and Shepard have when they first meet each other in the C-sec station and he's throwing his weight everywhere and not giving a single fuck about the cops trying to arrest him.
Are Korgans just not attracted to humans? He never makes a move on you. Ever. They're clearly into asari and we're not that far off.
In the first game, he was the only one to not respect Shepard from the start. It's kinda hot, yk? He was this mysterious edgy person with a jaded view on his race, and we were this hopeful human who wanted to encourage him to reunite the koragns. I wanted to have a slobby makeout session with him filled with teeth after his personal mission.
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Nihlus
Listen to me. It was love at first sight. I still remember it so clearly when you talk to him in the prologue where he questions you about Eden Prime. The fact he was the one to recommend Shepard to the council as a spectre too is just the topping on the cake.
I think he was into us, as a human. Like everyone on the ship clearly was weary of him because of how fresh the first contact war was, and Shepard is the only friendly person to him besides Anderson.
My Ideal romance would've been us saving him from Saren then being a mentor and student kinda of ordeal? Like at a certian point we surpass him in power while sparring and he looks so proud of us and we lean in for the kiss and he doesn't pull away.
A Turian and a human romance would've been so scandalous on the first game bc of again, contact war. It would've been the perfect drama.
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Doctor Chakwas.
You can't tell me that you didn't think about it! She is the only person taking care of everyone on this damn ship. We're in the middle of fuck off space clumsily stumbling our way into shootouts and coming out with bullets in godforsaken places!
She's the one that patches you up while scolding you for being so reckless. She can abandon protocols and formality as much as she likes because she's your doctor and has a right to! She can order a whole admiral around.
It doesn't help how she opens up to us about her fantasies in her youth of being this cute doctor and patching up wounded soldiers with stars in their eyes and living the romance dream. The game is begging you to make her dream a reality and give this older woman the true romantic experience she has been dreaming of!
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Captain Anderson
Listen to me. Listen. No no come back. Come here!
I am an adult, you are an adult. We are adults. He is a very hot adult that I want to do unspeakable things to.
I'm just saying!!! I didn't know anything about him becoming Shepard's parental figure in ME2 and ME3.
So when I first met him in ME1 I was like oh. Are we about to...have a superior forbidden army romance situation? Am I your sugar baby? Golden trophy soldier? Why do you like me so much and treat me with so much favouritism? Are we doing it on the down low behind closed doors?
But no. They take him away from me like immediately afterwards and burst my bubble of fantasy. I forget about him for the rest of the game then I meet him at the end but it doesn't hit the same vibe it did at the start.
He just admires and respects Shepard. Nothing else :(
My romance and fantasy with him was very short lived and now he is more of a stand in parental figure.
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ME2
The Illusive man
He is obsessed. Literally every interaction with him made me feel so giddy inside afterwards. It's like he gets off on just being near you and doesn't ask for nothing else. He is like a sugar daddy without the needed sugar.
And the "Cerberus allowance" credits money that you get after each missions just increasing in numbers didn't help. You report to him after every mission and he gives you more and more money. It almost makes you feel dirty in a good way.
Like based on his shadowbroker intel, he has the best escorts and strippers in the galaxy that he frequents. Yet it is you that he spends the most money on and you don't even have to put out or show a shoulder. It's not like a mercenary job either because one of his requirements is seeing you and talking to you, stalking you even.
Your meer existence gives him a rush and he keeps paying you for it, just to be allowed to witness you being you. I wish there was an evil romance option route where you go full human supremacy and agree with his evil plans to control the reapers and the last scene is like Shepard sitting on his lap in that room with the orange blue star.
I want that romance to be creepy and clearly self-serving. That both of them are using each other to get their own needs. There is no love involved, just obsession and hunger for power.
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Legion
They wear a piece of your armour, they have a hole where their heart should be. They clearly look up to you so hopelessly with admiration.
And you're the first organic to treat them with kindness, show them warmth, help give them a name. You're everything they imagine love to be and more and they literally cannot process it. They can't comprehend the feelings they're feeling, they only know it's all consuming and they're short-circuiting around you.
It would've been a very fluffy and sweet romance where you really push the limit of the geth having a soul. To have a soul is to love, even if it's not romantic love.
But as a romance between you too, I feel like Legion having a scene where they pluck a small flower from the ground to present to you is everything. But then the flower gets crumbled in their iron grip and they look all dejected and sad.
You gently taking it and still thanking them for it, maybe putting the flower in the hole in their chest after giving it a small kiss. I have so many ideas, Legion deserves so much softness.
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Aria
I don't think she'd allow a full romance, but we definitely would've had a complicated relationship. Both dominiating and ruling their own corners of the galaxy, yours just happened to be a moving ship.
It's like a ruthless queen and a faithful soldier. She could've made Shepard worse, you could've made her better. It's a very complicated love and hate relationship, a constant power play.
You send her Valentine's gifts that she claims to have thrown away, but you see her snacking on the box of chocolates that you got her the next time you visit. Threatening to cut someone's hand off because they asked for a piece.
She always tells you to go find someone cute to spend the night with but all of her strippers know better than to flirt with you. Aria warned all of them that you're off limit and no one even dares looks into your eyes.
Hell the fact she got a whole bartender to give you drinks for free after the last one tried to poison you? God that's hot.
But emphasis on complicated. Neither of you are willing to step down from your thrones and serve the other. She wants you on a leash like a dog at her side, you want to weild her like a dagger against your enemies throats.
Both of you were made for freedom and only deal with people who obey all of your orders. The two of you can never have a peaceful relationship because you're constantly at each other's throats but the attraction and tension is so thick in the air to deny.
.
ME3
Admiral Hackett
I don't have any excuse. I only started getting attracted to him during this game when we kept having constant communication with him.
He just...is very calm? Includes Shepard a lot and is very patient and wise. Steering you into the right direction and reminding you of the greater purpose you all serve.
But also he is down to earth in his own way, it feels intimate for him to call you just Shepard. Look at you with such eyes that have seen everything, it's like he is the single person that understands what you're going through in this, the single person to share your burden in all of this.
Because Anderson can't relate to Shepard in the way Shepard is supposed to be invincible steel, the way Shepard is supposed to be the unbreakable hero. But Hackett feels like he can relate to you in that way, like he too was in your shoes once and knows how lonely it must be.
How each relationship you have will always have a hallow emptiness inside because you can never be equal to someone. Each person you date will always see the commander Shepard before seeing you, the world will fall for your mask and not the one wearing it.
Except Admiral Hackett. It's like he can see behind the mask. He can see behind the titles and spectre status and the medals. He sees you as the little thing you are, so tired and exhausted from carrying the weight of the galaxy on your shoulders, you poor thing.
He's very caring in a way, no matter what wrongs you've done. He's very understanding too.
In ME2, he asks you for a favour and contacts you to help him. YOU! he asks YOU while you were a traitor working for Cerberus. god, the amount of trust he has in you.
Not to mention that he was actively stalling the alliance when it came to charging you for crimes for allying with Cerberus even before the whole favour DLC thing. In the Shadowbroker messages you can find him telling his subordinates "Negative" when they asked to finally bring you in.
It's also how commanding he is with just a single word? He does it twice. Once in the battle of Saren in ME1 when the alliance ships are beginning to retreat and he calmly refuses and tells them to move ahead.
And in ME2 where his subordinates write a long ass email on why you should be charged with treason but his literal only response is "negative."
His words carry such weight to them, fuck. It's so attractive the power and authority he casually throws around. Actually casually doing it unlike the illusive man who makes a point to show off to you. Hackett has nothing to prove and no one to impress.
The only person to view the commander Shepard as a fragile thing. The only person to understand what you're going through. The only person to realise what's truly at stakes here. How can I not want to be with him?
But with you he talks longer, he explains himself and line of thinking more. He doesn't treat you with the same strict attitude he gives to other soldiers. It's clear favouritism where he is gentler with you, softer like you're a fragile thing that might crack if someone even raised their voice at you.
Not to mention the whole "why pick me?" Dialogue option you get to ask him. On why he puts so much faith in you. Why he is always on your side.
And you get a straight answer for once. It's because you have this magical pull on people that gets them to work together, you were made to be a leader. It's easy to pay a merc to shoot a gun for you, but you cannot pay them for their loyality to follow you into hell twice. Yet you have that effect on people and he clearly sees your true skills that the others are blind to.
.
I have more, like James Vega, Samara, Mordin, Joker, EDI, Conrad verner, Saren, Sovereign, Kai Leng and Eve.
But I've written a lot, maybe for another time! Thanks for asking this, btw <3
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aidenlyons · 2 months ago
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After returning home, Jake and & Aiden fall into a routine. Jake is getting more mobile by the day it seems, with the help of crutches at first, and then knee braces.
A: Jake? Dinner's ready.
Aiden still takes care of most of the meals but he's always liked cooking.
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J: You've made this for me before, haven't you?
A: Mhm. In high school. You were skeptical about something with no meat.
J: Hah! Yeah, I remember. I think it's even better now.
A: I've had some time to practice cooking a bit more.
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A: Um, are you ok getting to your appointment alone tomorrow?
J: Yeah, I can manage, everything ok?
A: Yeah. I just have an appointment with my therapist, but I can reschedule if you need me.
J: I'll be fine. Is everything ok?
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A: It's fine. I don't need to see her a lot anymore. It's just.. a lot is happening, and I just want to talk it over with her.
J: Ok.. you know you can talk to me, if you need to?
A: I know, Jake. I want to talk to you, too. It's not about that.
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A: Having an outside perspective is just helpful. Keeps me from getting too far into my head, you know?
J: Yeah. I understand. But we'll talk, maybe after? We haven't really, about Chestnut Ridge and.. everything.
A: Yeah, if we're not too tired after our appointments.
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After dinner, Aiden cleans up while Jake has a bath. Soaking in the hot water helps and he prefers to bathe himself.
Jake knows it's selfish, but he kind of misses the way Aiden would come to him when he was overwhelmed. He's proud of Aiden for doing what he needs to do though.
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When they make it to bed, Jake wants to make sure Aiden understands.
J: I'm proud of you, you know. Of who you are now. I think I see why you wanted to break up, back then.
A: Jake... I probably could have done this all with you, but I think I.. panicked a little.
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J: You? Panic? Never.
A: Ha ha. Thank you for understanding. And you know, given everything.. maybe you should talk to someone, too? You just lost a lot.
J: You might be right. We'll see. I love you, you know.
A: I know. I love you too. Always have.
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Once a week, along with his own exercises at home, Jake has to go to the hospital for some physical therapy. Swimming first for something low resistance and then weights. It's exhausting, but he trusts his doctors.
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At home, Jake also works on some upper body exercises which he can do sitting down and certainly keep him fit.
Aiden continues to work on his yoga since it's something he enjoys and it's... a bit distracting for Jake.
A: Don't even think about it. I can feel you staring.
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Aiden spends a few hours a day painting as well. He has a few commissions but mostly lists everything on his site on Plopsy.
J: Is that one of my old jerseys?
A: I can neither confirm nor deny.
J: It has my name on it.
A: And?
J: You're just trying to tease me today, aren't you?
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Jake isn't supposed to put too much strain on his knee or do anything too strenuous which has put a slight kink in their love life.
J: Come here.
A: What are you.. Jake!
Aiden laughs when he ends up in Jake's lap. It's certainly hard to turn down kisses from his boyfriend.
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J: We can be careful, you know.
A: We tried that.
J: We can try again.
A: You think you can let me take control?
J: Mhm. Sure. It's hot when you get a little aggressive.
A: Not the same thing.
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J: C'mon.. I'm not made of glass.
A: Ok. We can try, but you better behave yourself.
J: Promise.
This time it's Aiden that turns Jake's head toward him so he can kiss him. Jake isn't the only one who has been missing being intimate with his boyfriend.
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The afternoon after their respective appointments though, they're too tired for much more than couch cuddles. Aiden proving his catlike nature as he curls up carefully on top of Jake.
J: Everything go ok?
A: Mmm. Just always tires me out, talking to Dr. Hackett.
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A: What about you? How was PT?
J: Fine. Exhausting. It's hard to tell sometimes but the doctor says I'm healing fast.
A: Good. We gonna talk about Chestnut Ridge?
J: Mmm. I want to go see the house. Maybe once the weather breaks in Spring? Colby said he'd show me around...
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A: Sounds good to me. Do you want me to go with you?
J: I.. would you be mad if I wanted to go alone, at first?
A: No. I understand. It's about you and your dad. Take some pictures and show me after. We can go out together later if you want.
J: Sounds perfect. Thank you.
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A: I might have another art show around then. My old teacher said that place in San Myshuno wanted me back. Another local artist thing.
J: That's great! I'm so proud of you. I told you your art was great.
A: Yeah, yeah.
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J: Lets just relax and watch some TV tonight, hm?
A: M'not heavy, am I?
Jake chuckles softly and shakes his head. Aiden sounds like he's halfway asleep already.
J: Not at all.
Sure enough, when Jake checks a minute later, Aiden is out.
J: Yeah. Lets rest for now.
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sheriff-t-money · 1 year ago
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-headcanon: 001
Let's talk about some boring slice of life stuff in regards to Travis' career. A typical county sheriff earns around $80,000+ a year. More experienced sheriffs tend to make around $120,000 with sheriffs in large cities earning more.
We don't know the exact population of North Kill, but the game seems to go with a sort of small-town, rural, vibe. This means that as a sheriff pretty early in his career (a reminder that a sheriff is an elected position in most states, but that's whole different headcanon), Travis is probably earning around $80,000-$100,000 a year.
In a rural town, he'd likely be able to afford a house on his own provided he kept within his means. As far as I've seen, the game seems to hint that Travis still sleeps at home with his parents or on a cot in the station where he holds Laura and Max.
Why is this important?
This sort of feeds into my headcanon that Travis was providing a lot of monetary support to the Hacketts. We know that they were struggling financially. The summer camp (which seems to only run for two months/year?) and scrapyard are their two main sources of income as far as I'm aware.
With a huge amount of land, I can only imagine that their property taxes are rather ouchie. Even if their house is paid for (which it likely is), they still have to pay taxes on their property. Add the maintenance expenses need to keep a house like that habitable, not to mention the expenses to keep the scrapyard and summer camp functional.
Now, if we take the average cost of sleep-away camp ($448) and give it a generous 60-day camp window, that means the camp earns around $26,880 a year.
That's barely enough for a single person to live on let alone a family of seven. We know the family money has all but run out at this point. Otherwise, they'd have had no problem restoring the summer camp, let alone their own house which looks like it's ready to crumble at any moment, honestly.
We have no figures on how much the scrapyard earns as far as I saw. If Travis is pulling in around $80,000 a year, I think most of that just goes toward keeping his family fed, clothed, and taking care of maintaining the house as much as he can.
It also means he can't escape. We know that the Hacketts brothers were basically raised to put the family first. And with his desire to earn respect and love from his mother (again, a whole other headcanon to delve into), this is a duty that he takes on likely without anyone asking. It's just expected.
The idea of buying his own place, using his money for his own future, is unthinkable. It's not an option.
Travis doesn't just sacrifice his soul for his family. He financially supports them at the cost of his own independence and freedom.
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copdog1234 · 3 years ago
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Another thing yall are wrong about when it comes to The Quarry is your reasoning for hating Jacob and siding with Emma. You're absolutely entitled to dislike/like who you want, idc, but I'm not standing for the Jacob slander any longer.
The game's description of him as arrogant is so far off from his actual personality even outside of the choices you can make as him. He is a sweet, dumb, jock himbo man who is mourning a relationship that he thought and felt more about than he maybe realized he would going into it. And he is not coping well with it. Also, I'm pretty certain there was a HUGE miscommunication on what his and Emma's relationship was supposed to be and what she wanted with it and so, yeah, he makes a pretty dumb decision to tamper with the car and prolong their stay at Hackett's Quarry. However, he had no reason to know any of what would go down for the rest of that night.
His ultimate goal is to hang out with the group and try to rekindle a relationship for which he truly cares about to the point of actual tears (which he cries multiple times). Also, just to make one more memory if it doesnt work out. And, yes, I will say, it is absolutely wrong of him to disrespect Emma's feelings (or lack thereof) for their discarded relationship. He does constantly call her his girlfriend when she's not, and that's not okay.
BUT. It's a two way street. And here's the thing. SHE, Emma, does NOT even try to respect his feelings either. At all. Throughout the game, anytime she's around him, she insults him and also flirts with him, which, guess what? Sends mixed signals. She doesn't want a relationship with him and only sees him as a fling??? Then tell me why she thinks it's ok to come onto him and drag him into skinny dipping with her. After she forcibly (because Nick looked like he was trying to pull away towards the last half of it) kisses and makes out with Nick. And makes Jacob cry as a result. And then calls him a baby for it. You know, as if she isn't hurting his feelings constantly and being unnecessarily mean and confusing him on purpose.
Hm, idk, maybe I would cry too if someone did any of that to me.
Emma is not obligated to be with Jacob if she doesn't want to be, but she should also respect his feelings too, just as he should with her.
She's fine when she's not around him, but she is literally so toxic around him. Idc what reasoning you use for it either, it's terrible. Like, I will take a guy not quite knowing small boundaries when he is otherwise being pretty sweet over a girl making someone feel horrible because they have feelings for her.
You can like Emma and you can dislike Jacob, but you need to acknowledge that she is more in the wrong about their circumstances than he will ever be.
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saintsstranger · 3 years ago
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Wild Child | N.F. (The Quarry) - Chapter Six
Summary: after your dip in the lake, you face the consequences of your actions and feelings as well.
Nick Furcillo x Female!Reader (no use of y/n)
Warnings: Bugs, Insects, and Cursing (I'm not great at tagging). Reader is an entomologist expert of camp.
Chapters: Prologue, Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Eight, Chapter Nine
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sweet like honey
You were at fault. And you took the fall. Well technically, those children were from your cabin and under your care. And Mr. Hackett had called all of you immediately to his office. Anger was written in his face. 
The two children were traumatized beyond belief. According to Jonah and Dave, the kids that almost drowned, decided that it was fun to poke around the nest they found and poke a little too hard to disturb the yellow jacket wasps. Those kids never listened to your lectures, they didn’t hear about how to avoid them and they instead rely on their cartoon knowledge that when they jumped in a body of water the wasps won't follow them.
And turns out you were right, there were wasps nests. Just outside the outskirts of Shady Glade.
You were scolded, all of you were scolded for not watching over the kids like you were supposed to. And yet Mr. Hackett was grateful of you and your fast action, you had one day off. 
“Next time, please… just watch over them attentively. We don’t want to repeat the same mistakes twice.” Mr. Hackett had said, even if you were still dripping wet from your jump in the lake although the towel handed to you and Nick didn’t help much with the cold.
“Go, I’ll make a call to the parents and let the kids explain. They would probably pull out their kids after this.” All of you nodded. One-by-one walking out from his office.
“You. Come to the nurse’s station with me.” Laura said dragging you, the cramp now gone only slight pain and tenderness in your legs. As you hobbled towards her, the two kids sat there silently. They were already dried and have been given their respective clothes.
Looking at them, you sat on the vacant chair avoiding their guilty faces that glance accusing glances at each other. Meanwhile Laura had walked  and gotten something from the medicine cabinets.
“We’re sorry.” Jonah and Dave replied. You raised your eyebrows at them, ready to give them a lecture of your own about the dangers of what they had done. They had multiple stings on their arms you can tell, as they were both holding cold packs to their wounds.
You were contemplating being harsh, or not even accepting their apologies. It’s a long day, you don't have the energy to deal with being a bit bitchy.
“Fine, I accept your apologies.” You replied in a deadpanned voice. After a minute of silence you added, “Just don’t do it again and listen to my lecture next time.” 
Smiling at each other, they bowed their heads in apology once more. 
“Thank you! We promise to listen to you from now on.” They shouted and ran out of the nurse’s station, and Laura was smiling at your interaction.
“I thought you hated those two.”
“They ‘ve grown on me, and besides life and death makes you appreciate the people who saved you.” 
“Then you must have liked Nick more then.”
Jaw  slack in shock, you throw the towel at her which she easily caught. Laughing at you.
“And you are wearing his shirt, isn’t that the code for one step closer to being in a relationship. You’re not proceeding with your plan to avoid him now, would you?” Laura pointed out, handing you muscle relaxers medicine. “Those are for your cramps, take it if you still feel slight cramps.” 
You stayed quiet about her comment on Nick’s shirt. Of course you know that code, and it left your stomach running like a damn zoo. Feelings are complicated, you are complicated. You didn’t know what to do. 
Thank him for saving your life or just confess your developing feelings for him. God, you must have drank a lot of lake water to make you act so impulsively.
“I don’t know…” You said, walking towards the bed feeling drowsy and tired from the medicine. “I don’t know what to do.” You lazily replied, the side effects of the medicine already transpiring, as you tried your best to stay awake.
“Sleep, I’ll bring you a change of clothes and a clean towel.” She advised as she gently pushed your head down to the people, walking out of the door. 
You were left alone, looking at the ceiling in wonder. What would you do next? Too groggy to even fight your stubborn ass to think of possible scenarios, you decided sleeping was the next best course of action. 
Waking up, you didn’t realize you had spent the whole afternoon taking a long and well rested nap. Not even minding the wet clothes that you wore, in the night stand beside the bed lay your clean clothes and towel. A water, and a piece of banana as well. 
Not realizing you were hungry, when your stomach made a loud growl. You took the fruit grateful that it can’t provide you sustenance even if not by a lot. Standing up, the pain in your foot was gone, as you stretched it, when you saw your reflection on the cabinet glass.
“God I look horrid.” Trying your best to brush it, you walked out of the Nurse’s Station with the glass on hand, ready to drop it in the kitchen.
It was probably dinner time since there is a loud commotion in the main dining area. Spotting most of the counselors in one table and the children in their respectives seats eating. When they spotted you, they erupted in cheers.
“You’re awake!” 
“Sleeping Beauty is up!”
And suddenly you were tackled in a hug by Emma and Abi, Kaitlyn and Jacob stood behind them. Dylan patted your head in appreciation. Ryan who gave you an appreciative smile who was sitting with Max and Laura at the table, smiling that you were finally fine.
“Why are you hugging me? I hate it. Not like I just received a medal of honor or anything.” You patted them in the backs before pushing them away from you.
When you were out of their embrace, Jacob tackled you in a headlock, messing with your dry hair some more. He circled you around, “We were worried ‘bout you! Thought you were dead when we visited the nurse’s station earlier. Almost got kicked out by…” 
Followed by silence, you tapped at him to get his hands off your head. Annoyed that you were stuck in this position, when you can just go and take a well-needed bath.
“Who?” You asked. As Jacob looked at you, the counselor held secretive glances at each other. “Also where is… Nick?” 
“Nothing! Why don’t you take a bath? As much as I hate to say that you’re the most fashionable one of us, you needed it after that dip in the lake.” Kaitlyn said, dragging you outside with her. You looked back, Nick wasn’t with them. You could've thanked him properly, maybe later you would do it.
“Are you hiding something? I can tell.” You asked Kaitlyn, who shocked her head no. “You also haven’t answered my question.” 
“Come on in the bath house we go!” Kailtyn excitedly said still your question remains unanswered. You wonder why they are avoiding it. You just sighed and let her drag you, when you went inside the warm water for the mornings now gone. And you were stuck screaming in a cold shower.
“You okay? You’re not drowning there, are you?” Kaitlyn sounded just behind the shower curtain. 
“Nope! I’m fine.”
“You know, never fully thank you for what happened earlier. I feel like I was at fault too, I'm supposed to be your leader.” 
“You don’t have to apologize for anything, it isn’t your fault you know.”
“You almost drowned with those kids. With your fast-thinking—”
“It’s fine Kaitlyn, really. But thank you too, you’re the best camp leader I’ve ever had. So don’t sell yourself short.”
“Yeah… thanks for that. No wonder why Nick likes you.”
You were silent. Nick likes you? I mean of course, he wouldn’t just spend time with someone he barely tolerates. He wasn’t like that. Did she mean like as in acquaintances or like-like? You were burning with curiosity.
Stepping out from the shower, now with fresh and clean clothes. Kaitlyn looked at you from head to toe, enjoying the printed tee. Laura had grabbed from your luggage your bee-shirt that says “We’re Meant to Bee”. You have gotten it from one of your travels in a Bee-Farm. It was adorable, and captured your eye with its two cutely drawn bees holding each other’s hands.
“Oh god, you look adorable. You need more of those shirts.” Kaitlyn said, as you went in front of the mirror to dry your hair. Putting on some of your after-shower essentials. And throwing the clothes you previously wore in your respective laundry basket.
Hearing that the campers are now heading back to their respective cabins, you were worried about yours. You hurried in grooming yourself. Ready to head to your bed and rest some more, when suddenly your stomach growled loudly.
“Come on, eat and I’ll handle your cabin’s sleep time. It’s the least I could do.”
“You’re a lifesaver Kaitlyn. Thanks!” You said, now heading towards the camp lodge, you hope there are still spare dinners.
When you opened the door, you immediately rushed to the banquet table that held the food. Opening the food warmer, you were met with disappointment. They were empty. 
“Fuck. You little shits eat a lot.” Your stomach growled louder this time. Suddenly you heard the kitchen door opening, and there stood Nick.
“Ah sorry ‘bout that. Thought I heard a wild animal trying to steal our meal.” He smiled and walked towards you.
“If you could even call this a meal, I can only count the air as my dinner.” You opened the food warmer to show him.
“Come with me and I’ll cook for you. What would you want?” Nick asked. You were slacked in the knees when he smiled at you. You didn’t know if it was your heart or mind that had the reins of your feelings, or is it your stomach.
“I’m craving…. Why not make something you like. We can share it if you want?” You suggested, you thanked the heavens that you know how to flirt. You can see the sparkle in his honey-colored eyes. God, if this is what it takes to make his eyes shine brighter you’d do it again in a heartbeat.
“Okay then, I’ll surprise you.” He said, following him to the kitchen you felt giddy. 
You can feel your smile reach your ear, tucking a hair behind your ear. Nick unexpectedly turned around. Stopping you from your tracks.
“I like your shirt, looks cute on you.” He pointed out, you can see the faint blush in his cheeks. Unlike yours you felt like you were a tomato. Rising up your feet to the tip of your fingertips, your whole head felt on fire.
You didn’t know how to respond. You’ve been flirted a lot, wooed by poetic words and songs. And yet this simple word coming from his mouth sounded and felt so much better than your past compliments. 
He had complimented you, and if you could you would have bottled his words and drunk from it every night, making you addicted. Addicted to his voice, his laugh, his eyes, his kindness, and gentleness, just everything about Nick. 
Fuck it’s not just a simple crush. You’re falling for him.
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timptoe · 2 years ago
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WIP Monday
From the Kaidan/mShep chapter of the Joker fic I’m having too much fun writing. Shenanigans!
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3 years, 2 months, 21 days before Hackett’s order to retreat, SSV Normandy SR-1, en route to Feros 
“Relationships between officers that are unduly familiar, do not respect differences in rank and grade, and/or may be prejudicial to good order and discipline are prohibited.”
 - Alliance Naval Code 5370.2D
“So how long have LT and the commander been a thing?”
Joker pauses in mid-chew as Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams drops her tray onto the table, her butt into the chair across from him, and a grenade into the evening’s conversation.
She stares at him expectantly. He stares back, momentarily speechless.
“A thing?” Tali asks from beside him. “What does that mean, ‘a thing’?”
Williams cocks an eyebrow, dumping the cup of gravy unceremoniously over the whole of her plate. She nods towards Joker. “He knows what I mean.”
Joker swallows the bite of whatever it was he’d put in his mouth—he’s having trouble remembering at the moment—and says, “They’re not.”
Williams snorts.
“What is ‘a thing’?” Tali asks again, puzzled.
Joker ignores her, repeating, “They’re not.” 
Williams rolls her eyes and chuckles. Through a mouthful of gravy-smothered, rehydrated chicken, she says, “Yeah, okay. I was born in the morning, but it wasn’t this morning.”
“What?” Joker scrunches his face up at the decidedly planetbound turn of phrase. Ashley grins, chewing all the while.
“Liara, do you know what they’re talking about?” Tali turns to the asari as she sits down next to Ashley.
“No?” Liara answers.
“Ashley says Shepard and Kaidan are a thing,” Tali says, putting weight on the last word.
“They are not a thing,” Joker mutters.
“What kind of a thing?” Liara says, confused.
“This is my question.”
Williams pierces Joker with that thrice-damned eyebrow. “Look over there and tell me you don’t see it.”
“Look where?” Liara says, glancing about the mess.
“See what?” Tali says with growing frustration while Joker glares, also with frustration.
“Ash, I was enjoying my dinner, do we really need to—“
“Yes, because I can’t be the only who sees it,” she says, wicked gleam in her eye. “Look. Over. There.”
“Oh, for the goddess’ sake, where?” Liara says with exasperation.
Ash points with her fork at the pair standing on the opposite side of the mess, engaged in some sort of conversation over one of the diagnostic consoles next to the sleeper pods. 
Staff Commander Shepard. Staff Lieutenant Alenko. Working.
“They’re working,” Joker gruffs, spearing a cooked carrot with his fork.
“I don’t see anything.” Tali squints in their direction. Or, turns her helmet slightly in such a way that Joker’s come to interpret as squinting. 
This is not how he thought dinner was going to go.
“You don’t see anything? You don’t see anything?” Ash waves her fork in their direction, a spot of gravy arcing off of it in Joker’s direction. He idly—and precisely—calculates that the gravy will land right on top of his pile of dry carrots.
And it does. With a plop.
He sighs.
“Ashley, you’re going to have to give me more than that,” Tali says, head still cocked.
“Oh come on,” Williams says, “I can’t seriously be the only one who thinks they’re together.”
Liara’s eyes widen, saying, “They’re together?” as Tali cocks her head the other way, simultaneously saying, “Wait, are they not?”
Joker thunks his head into his hands, Ashley cackling with glee. Stars, explode the drive core now.
She jabs her fork at Joker now, triumphant. “See? I’m not the only one! They’re a thing.”
“They’re not a thing,” Joker says irritably, crossing his arms. 
“Oh, that’s what thing means in this context.” Tali nods sagely.
“Tali thinks so,” Ash says, smugness radiating through her mouthful of food.
“You don’t?” Tali looks at Joker.
“I’m not having this conversation.”
“Oh come on, why not?”
“One’s our CO and the other’s your marine detail leader, and also it’s none of my business, and also I don’t care, that’s why.”
Liara furrows her brow. “They are together, then? That would explain…” She trails off, lost in thought.
“I figured it was obvious from the moment I came onboard,” Tali says. “They’re always in each other’s space—“
Ashley picks up the thread, “—and the way they’re always not-quite-looking at each other—“
“—oh, and the way Shepard laughs! It’s different around Kaidan,” Tali continues.
“You guys, there’s no way they’re together. There’s no way!” Joker says crossly. 
“Why do you think that, Jeff?” Liara inquires.
“One word: fraternization.”
The word hangs in the air a moment before Tali hesitantly says, “Sorry, I don’t think my translator quite got that. What was that word?”
Ashley huffs and shakes her head. “‘Fraternization.’ It means ‘relationships between crewmates.’”
“And it’s against Alliance regs,” Joker adds, “which is why those two are not a thing.”
Ashley rolls her eyes. “Right, because Shepard clearly cares about regs. Have you seen him drive the Mako?”
“No,” Joker answers, gesturing to the crutches behind him.
She stifles a chuckle. “Okay, well, you’ve certainly had to rescue us from enough narrow canyons to know that he—“
“Yeah, yeah, fine, point taken,” Joker says as he waves her off. “But have you met Lieutenant Integrity over there? Alenko would jump out an airlock before he intentionally broke a rule. Any rule.”
“Maybe,” says Tali, “but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel something.”
Liara coughs. “Or that Shepard might feel something, too.”
The four of them watch the far corner of the mess for a moment. Shepard says something, and Kaidan chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. His face falls slightly, looking down as he responds to whatever Shepard had said. Shepard’s face twists for a moment, reforming into a small smile when Kaidan looks back up. He leans forward just slightly, resting his hand on Kaidan’s forearm. Whatever he says makes Kaidan grin.
“Yeah, they look like a thing,” Liara says matter-of-factly.
“Such a thing,” Tali agrees.
Williams just grins wickedly at Joker, who scowls and goes back to eating his dinner. 
It’s none of his business, anyway.
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plotweaver · 2 years ago
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Someone wanna tell me why “The Distance” by Cake has got me thinking of a Hackearney NASCAR AU?
Laura is addicted to speed. Max once told her about his recurring dream where, no matter how fast he tried to run, he moved as if in slow motion. Laura feels like that every second she’s not in her car. And as one of the few women in the field, she’s got something to prove. Which often leads to her being reckless.
Maybe she drafts too close to another car. Maybe she clips it while taking a turn too tightly. After the race, the driver of the other car storms up to her.
It’s Travis Hackett. His family has been an institution in racing. Everyone expected him to end his mediocre career and retire two years ago. And, if he’s honest, he wanted to. He’s wanted it to be over for a long time now. But his parents own and control their racing organization, which means they own and control him. So he continues racing.
But that doesn’t mean he appreciates it when some hotshot nearly rides his ass into the wall.
So he yells at the hotshot, who is only just climbing out of their car. He goes on and on about decency, respect, and basic safety dammit, before the driver removes their helmet.
And he’s stunned by the bluest eyes he’s ever seen.
He falters for half a second.
Then starts back up, reinvigorated. She starts yelling too. Giving as good as she gets. And, honestly? It’s the most passion he’s felt in years. By the end of it, he’s not sure what he wants more—to wring her neck or to push her back onto the hood of her car and ravish her.
And it goes like that for quite a few races. She gets too close. Passes him too quickly. They argue. Maybe Laura starts doing these things because it provokes him. Maybe the excuses to bicker get thinner and thinner.
Until after one race he marches toward her, and she’s already protesting.
“I didn’t do anything!”
“You know damn well what you did!” he says.
“I really don’t,” she says, arms crossed.
“You took turn six too fast!”
“I wasn’t even near you during turn six!”
“To hell with me, you could’ve gotten yourself killed!”
And it hits Laura. Travis stopped mentioning his car or himself several encounters ago. He doesn’t give a shit that she might hurt him. He gives a shit that she might get herself hurt.
And that thought hits her so hard that she shuts up. Studies him. Hair mussed from his helmet. Lean muscle under his jumpsuit. Righteous fury hiding genuine concern and fear.
She simply nods and mumbles that she’ll be more careful next time. He stares at her, mouth open, for a second too long before quietly thanking her and leaving.
She’s not careful next time, though. And he never expects her to be.
The rest of the counselors are there too. Kaitlin is Laura’s crew chief. Keeps everyone in line. Ryan is their quiet car chief. Carrying out whatever adjustments Kaitlin or Laura want to the car. Dylan is a jackman who makes terrible puns about jacking off whenever he jacks the car. Jacob is another driver whose agent, Emma, is over his cocky showmanship. She’s spending more and more time flirting with his utility man, Abi.
All this from listening to the song three times and googling NASCAR. Wtf even is this?
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that-myllesstrauss-guy · 2 years ago
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How do y'all imagine the history of the hackett family? I have a few theories: their satues of reclused is a modern thing, back then they were know as a strong family, with bounds beyond their county could know. Power over money and stabability, some of them were even mayors of North Kill for a good time, making it their territory but losing it due for time and the lost of respect of the common folk.
But after a good time they needed this respect back due for their werewolf sintuation, making a holy trinity for their most dicult battle. The good, the bad and the unknown.
The eldest and propably the most cunning of the three sons of jedediah and constace was made Sheriff to rule under their wishes and have acess to informations and justice power when the hit comes up, it worked for a time but Travis is just one man and he would slip on his own shoulders in the time that his humanity was tested to the limit.
The middle one, the golden child, good looking, easy going, charismatic son that was enough well made to be the innocent leader of one of their properties but also to keep the good name Hackett in line, Chris is all above but i do believe that he is more like a "i deal with what is mine, you deal with what is yours" type of person, caring more about his children and their deeds than try to understand the actions of his own brother, respecting more the ones that he likes the most, showing favoritism, showing sides, putting his family above all.
And then the youngest, not much is known about him only that he is manipulated due to his child like mind and angry behaviour, but is valid to know that he may've suffred a mental trauma when he was in the army and then coming back with this disorder. As much that we can tell, Bobby is "innocent", a handy man for all time, owner of a scrapyard, that may not be good on his deeds but he is not in the right mind to be judged like the others.
Other adds: Caleb and Kaylee are not as innocent. They were rebels that refeuse to listen to their father advice, and Caleb is less innocent for escaping more times compared to his sister, we can't put a sin for being naïve but Kaylee was one.
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somewhereinthepines · 2 years ago
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i saw, that you ship john and andrew. and since ya also ship chris and ryan. i have a question. how would have you compared john and chris? both ships are similiar in a way.
oh, wow. didn’t expect someone to go so far into this blog or my ao3 page, to see my john/andrew shippy stuff. i’m so slow with updating stuff for these two, after all. but ah, dang. i feel so seen, haha. 
but regarding the question, while yeah, there are parallels/similarities between the two pairs. i must say, that comparing john & chris feels a bit like comparing an apple to a tomato to me. both are ‘fruits’, but they're very different kinds of one. 
now, *sits back* prepare yourself. this would be a loooong rant. 
so, ah. while john & chris do have some common/shared narrative moments. they’re still have fundamentally different roots. the main difference is that even if we take the gen approach, the reason why chris & john care about ryan & andrew are very opposite. i mean, it’s in chris’s nature to be a caretaker, a father figure. he’s an operator of a summer camp. he has to be a specific sort of person for this job. meanwhile, for john, it’s an exception, that he cares about andrew in this sort of manner, not an universal rule. he’s more of wanna-be-the-lead-party vs ‘dad’ of the group. so when you look at it, chris starts as the caretaker of all, before he sort of upgraded it to ‘some special, extra attention for my fav counselor only’. while john already has this unspoken mindset, that he’s andrew’s caretaker, specifically. he tries to look out for the rest of the group too, but more out of obligation, than anything else. he won’t go out of his way to save & stick with them. when angela gets dragged into the sewer, john grabs andrew’s arm repeatedly, yanking him back, when he tries to jump in and search for her. it’s crystal clear, where his priority lies in that very moment. or even, when someone of the group dies, and john nearly shrugs it off. sometimes for andrew’s sake, even if he was the one, who didn’t ‘saved’ them. it’s disturbingly easy for him to make peace with their death, if he and andrew are safe. he does care about them to a degree, but his main objective is to keep himself & andrew in one piece. chris hackett is less pragmatic in that sense. while ryan is his main priority, he still would have drowned in guilt, if some other counselors died in front/because of him. for john, it’s a ‘sacrifice that can be made if necessary’. chris’s favoritism made ryan ‘the most important’ out of all, while in john’s case, it’s more like, that andrew is ‘the only really important’. 
then, where chris is empathic, john leans toward cold intelligence. and this is where their next difference is pretty apparent. even in how they handle ryan / andrew. chris wants ryan to reach out a bit more, learn responsibility. when john just rather would do everything for andrew, and don’t let him make decisions, that he views as ‘doubtful’. chris wants to help ryan to mature up, mostly for the kid’s own sake. and then, you have john who kind of aggressively babysits andrew at times, haha. he doesn’t needs andrew to be ‘responsible’. he kind of likes, that he’s dependant on him, i imagine. but oddly enough, where chris would insist on things to be done his way, john would back off as soon as andrew would give him a sign, that he’s got it. so hilariously enough, while john is the one, who would tend to andrew, he seems to respect his ability to do smth by himself too. and chris just like ‘no, ryan. you do this how i told you to do it’. maybe, it bc chris is kinda more of ‘old-time’ southern hardass, where john is more of a wimp lol. their personalities, while sharing that neurotic middle aged man angle, still have a bit of different taste to it. their professions also play in it. chris is more down to earth, where john is more of a ‘thinker’. chris bases a lot of his decisions on either experience or emotion. john bases his own on cold intelligence & personal whims. they’re like ice & water here. same essence, but different structure/effect. 
now, more toward shippy stuff. both chris & john seem to view ryan / andrew as a ‘good kid’. someone, who is quiet and mostly harmless. someone, who needs their care/attention, bc of how reversed they are. but it’s where the two pairs also sort of switch places. ryan & john would pretty much slide into denial, if chris & andrew would do smth wrong. they would insist, that it’s not so or was an accident. meanwhile, chris and andrew are both ‘situational murders’. chris established as such by canon (when he turns into a werewolf), and andrew can become one. but it’s interesting to think about the ways and extent john & ryan can respectively go in their denial/desire to protect the other. i’m pretty sure, that they’re both capable of murder. i mean, ryan canonically can attempt to kill a person for chris’s sake. and john, while appearing very anti-weapon/anti-violence, clearly has a mean stick in him. and he’s pragmatic. so if there was a choice to kill someone to save andrew, he would have done it, i feel like. but ah, back to chris & john’s similarities, rather than differences. they both like a blank-faced, low-emotion guy. a sort of person, who is hard to read for others, but way easier to read for them, bc they pay a lot of attention to their companion. and bc ryan & andrew act more natural and laid-back with them. they’re both implied to be kids, who came from households with ‘old mannered’ adults and prob mostly hang out with older people vs being around their peers. it feels more ‘normal’ for them to understand a middle aged dude, than connect with someone of their own age. it’s not weird for them. and chris & john, who implied to be isolated/lonely, would love this positive kind of connection, esp of they can influence someone in a good way. 
and speaking of good influence, both ryan & andrew are this for chris & john too. as both of these men are ‘cursed’ with their own sort of disease. chris is a werewolf, and john is an alcoholic. both self-loathing to a degree. but ryan & andrew being there gives them smth to do. someone to try and be better for. i love how andrew’s presence sort of softens john’s rough edges, and makes him a bit more considerate toward others. if andrew would scold john for being rude to angela, he almost acts like a kicked dog, haha. and chris has to be ‘proper’ and ‘there’ for ryan. he can’t get depressed to the point, where one of his closest people would notice him slipping. in comparison, it’s easier for john to slip up, and even return to drinking. speaking of which, at least fanon wise, i must say, that chris has a will of steel, as he holds himself back around ryan to the point, where it feels like mental self-harm lol. john would give in way faster. chris would do all kinds of inner gymnastics to ‘justify’ whatever he does/feels, but john be like i can’t help myself. and this on itself is kind of a justification for him. sure, he will feel bad for a bit, but it’s less of chris’s endless angst lol. chris desperately wants to do the right thing. but john is pretty aware, that he himself isn’t a good person. therefore doing the right thing not always an option, that he would take. which once again makes sense, bc it’s pragmatic to do ‘bad stuff’ at times vs doing everything by the book. 
and before this answer would get 10 pages long, i must say, that even the ‘creepy’ tendencies between chris & john would differ. chris eventually goes full low-key stalker mode, while still trying to mostly just ‘a friend’. but john can prob go deeper into it, as he doesn’t have the same ‘he looks up to me’ connection with andrew. like andrew respects him, but he doesn’t turn to john for advice usually. like it’s the other way around lmao. so he can be more casual with andrew, and they can connect over books/writing. they have similar interests. chris & ryan connect over their respective hobbies. so it’s a bit of a different sort of experience in both cases. chris has to do more research vs john, who sort of has it easy lol. on the other hand, while they both caretakers, chris has nearly endless access to ryan, while john will have to play it smart and get more time with andrew. frankly, it’s prob not super hard, as i imagine, that andrew would stay after classes to chat with john at times. but when it comes to collecting new info, learning about his routine and habits, well, john can only do so much, before overstepping the line, and using his position as professor to read some personal info on andrew. like both chris & john would abuse their position to gather this new bit of knowledge. but chris ‘needs’ to know this, bc he’s ryan’s mentor. and john would just want to know it, fully realizing, that he’s being weird lol. i feel like john would have an easier time accepting, that he’s not all that normal about andrew. vs chris, who sees it as a bad thing, due to his condition and also bc he’s concerned about how ryan is much younger, than him. chris & john both knew the angle, where their attraction is ‘controversial’. tho they both feel more worried about what such relationships might do to ryan & andrew in a long run, vs how outsiders/sociality would see it. 
in oversimplified form, john/andrew & chris/ryan are the pairs, that sorta stuck in shitty situations. canonical wise, both of their narratives are tragic. but if we look at how chris & john would handle the problem of their younger companion having a crush on them & then dealing with the fact, that it’s mutual, well…chris is so much more modest about it. right until, he kind of not lol. and john already seems to think, that no one would care about andrew better, than him. so in a way, he decides everything inside his head, even before it gets out of hand. though, both ryan & andrew are the ones, who push things forward. chris & john have way too much nuances on their shoulders to be just as bold about their attraction. well, in the beginning. 
i find it funny tho, that supermassive did it twice. sort of connected a shy, 'silent' kid with an older male, and made a huge part of their narrative focus on said man, specifically. 
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lovesomehate · 3 years ago
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I’m with not too much to work with I think Travis’ best relationship is with his father.
Bobby, Caleb and Kaylee where probably somewhere from neural to loving and fine
Constance is pretty abusive and given Travis’ reaction there might not much love lost between the two.
Chris is a nice guy but it feels like he takes Travis for granted and judges him
Jedediah however, when he says yessir it comes off more as a son admitting that he was wrong about something and had to maturely acknowledge what he did. Then there’s how devastated Travis is when Jed is killed. Feels like with Travis being the first son Jed may have raised with the firm but fair method to make sure he stayed a good path, but also a path that would take care of the family. Because of this he might have shown Travis more respect. Though that’s not saying much cause he does t seem like he admonishes Constance for her behavior.
Which (cause I can’t stay away from this dynamic) would then make since why Travis is so caught off guard when you play Laura as being relatively nice to him cause he isn’t used to more than one person showing any respect.
Yesssssss! Gods I love how he always freezes or stutters when Laura is nice and calm with him it’s so good!
And yeah Pa Hackett is the only one I would really hesitate on killing just cause of the “Travis is devastated”. That shit hurt my soul, the way he almost cried then and there, in front of Laura 👀
His family is truly a mess but I think he actually loved his niece and nephew just by the way he spoke about them.
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omegastation · 4 years ago
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ill be honest, i was a little upset with ashley/kaiden in me3 when they're still doubting you. i know they have perfectly legitimate reasons, but it still stung. i could rationalize it in me2, it IS really suspicious for shep to just SHOW UP out of nowhere with cerberus no less, but i wish they had worked through some stuff in the downtime between me2 and me3. it should have been clear where shep's loyalties were when they turned against the illusive man and turned themselves in to the alliance. if ashley/kaiden had doubts about the commander being a double agent, wouldn't it be best to confront them or watch them very closely to make sure shep wasn't stealing intel for cerberus? i mean its not even just shepard they are doubting, its everyone on the sr2 crew. wouldnt garrus and tali and liara and chakwas and joker of all people KNOW the real shepard? hackett even drops in to give shepard a mission or two in me2, isnt his opinion of shepard worth something? or anderson? ANYWAYS all this to say, my decision not to let ashley/kaiden back on the normandy in me3 was less from a place of strategy and more from a 'look you've been pretty adamant about the fact you dont trust me and i dont need crew members who dont trust me' sorta feeling. i still felt a little guilty about leaving them behind, but when i talked to joker back on the ship and he stands up on his creaky lil legs and gives you a salute???? and says he's giving you the respect you deserve??? i cried real fuckin tears about it. THANK YOU my guy that means a lot ;_;
The salute scene had the same effect on me so I get you!!!
But ouch for Ash and Kaidan.
I mean, your reaction is valid and you mentioned they had legitimate reasons, so I'm not going to start my "they were justified to be suspicious" speech (always love to talk about the clone!!!) but I do think we have to keep in mind that it might not have been possible for them to confront Shepard earlier. That's probably why it happens the way it does in ME3 and there's still distrust, because of unresolved issues.
And unresolved issues can slowly eat at you until you no longer even feel like yourself. Words get stuck in your throat. If you have the slightest inclination toward ruminating, you can get lost in your own mind for hours, thinking about what you did wrong, what the person have said, what you could have done to change things. And the moment you are allowed to really speak your mind isn't always pretty. Sometimes, it's downright ugly.
I think the situation from Shepard's death to Horizon to seeing them again in ME3 is a bit like that for Ash or Kaidan. It's a time bomb of a situation, with lingering and contradicting feelings bursting into the scene. And you pointed it out yourself, nothing was really made clear to them. I think they felt like they were kept apart from Shepard and others for a reason, and that must have stung. A lot of it has nothing to do with Shepard and how they feel, but rather the narration forcing you down those paths. (My Shepard post Horizon or even post Suicide Mission would have had a conversation with them, because nothing seems worse than having those unresolved issues between them.)
We also can't really forget the impact Shepard's death had on everyone, and how they all dealt with grief differently. Ash was the only survivor of her unit and she finally found a commanding officier who didn't care about her family's past, who respected her and made her feel welcome. Who told her she'll always have a home on the Normandy. Kaidan's past is horrifying, and in his quiet, contemplating and very gentle way, he made himself a home on the Normandy, where he could trust the crew, respect them and being respected in return. Where he could be useful without being used.
All of it was gone, taken away. They were left with more questions than answers, in this very wild "my commanding officer is back from the death and works for a terrorist organization now and everyone acts like it's normal but fuck it's not at all" situation. I would have been angry too, and in pain.
I also think it's important to keep in mind that there are many ways you can show your love for someone. I'm not trying to pit one method against another because I'm a huge fan of "I'll stick with you no matter what" types of relationship, but it's sometimes healthy and necessary to question the people you love when they do something you don't approve of or don't understand. And it doesn't automatically means you don't love them anymore.
Loyalty also has different meanings to different people. I think, to Ash and Kaidan, it meant questioning Shepard because they felt they weren't true to who they were before, and what they stood for. And that in itself is not, to me, a better or worse reaction than quickly accepting Shepard's new circumstances. It's just different.
That's why I don't think Ash and Kaidan stopped loving or caring for Shepard in the time they were wondering whether or not to trust them, and why I don't think other squadmates reacted "better".
And once you clear things with them, the result is a good friendship, with a lot of trust and care. It shows that this is a relationship they all are invested in. They all put time, energy and a lot of efforts to repair what needed to be repaired. They really care, you know?
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theoriginalladya · 3 years ago
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WIP Whenever - Camp Nano Edition
FINALLY got Kaidan to start talking to me in Aubrey's world today...
Setting: post-Coup, SSV Orizaba
~~~
The mess was empty but for him. Even if it hadn’t been, Major Kaidan Alenko wouldn’t have noticed, nor would he have cared. Though physically he stared out the window at the vast darkness of space stretching beyond the SSV Orizaba and the Crucible project, his focus was inward…
“You asked to see me, sir?” Kaidan asked, entering Admiral Hackett’s office, or what constituted his office aboard the ship. The man mostly spent his time in the CIC at the command map overseeing the Crucible construction and all elements attached to it.
“Major. Thank you for coming.”
Hackett stood with his hands clasped behind his back, his posture stiff and formal a tightness at the corner of his lips and eyes as his steady gaze met Kaidan’s. The play of shadows across his face highlighted the scar and lines of age equally; a blatant reminder of just what he was capable of when the stakes were high enough.
Something about it set Kaidan on edge and a bubble of anxiety started to itch beneath his skin.
“I’ll come straight to the point, major,” the admiral continued, “there is no easy way to say this.”
Dread filled Kaidan’s belly with the weight of a ten-ton elcor.
“After seeing your mother safely to your home in the BC interior, Major Markus Alenko returned to Vancouver and joined with resistance forces there under the command of Admiral Anderson.”
Anderson… The last they’d heard from him, Kaidan recalled, he and the resistance were working their way east. Last he’d heard, they’d met up with some of Kaidan’s students outside of Chicago.
“Major Markus Alenko and his civilian resistance unit along with elements of Alpha Platoon, 1st Special Operations Biotic Company encountered heavy resistance as they entered Garfield Heights near Cleveland, Ohio.”
Kaidan’s breath hitched.
The admiral’s lips pressed into a thin line. “As a result, all have been listed MIA.”
Numbness flowed through him and for what seemed the longest time but was likely only a second or two, Kaidan couldn’t breathe. “I… Thank you, sir.” What else was there to say?
The admiral’s stance eased slightly, catching Kaidan’s attention. “I’m sorry, Kaidan.”
“Yeah.” It was then he recalled that the admiral had served with his father in their younger days. Clearing his throat, Kaidan straightened and lifted his hand in salute. “Thank you… sir.”
A rustle of movement behind him – not hesitant so much as respectful – caught his attention just before someone clearing their throat. “Major Alenko. I must say, I am surprised to find you here, of all places.”
The voice was one he hadn’t heard in… years but it brought comfort or at least the hope of it, anyway. Turning, the barest hint of a smile at the corner of his lips, he replied, “Dr. Chakwas. Good to see you again.”
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octerminal · 4 years ago
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I’ve talked before about how Nadia being Earthborn is the central reason she’s renegade leaning, but I really want to get into it again because I’ve been listening to Hadestown a lot recently and that always makes me think of Nadia because the musical touches on how traumatizing poverty is. And also just because, well, I always want to talk about Nadia.
But before I can do that, I have to talk about a few other things first.
(This is going to be niche and also super self-indulgent, but it’s my blog, so who cares. Note that because of what both Hadestown and the Earthborn background entail, this is going to get slightly political. But again, it’s my blog, so who cares.)
Generally speaking, Mass Effect has an issue with downplaying trauma. Ashley, Tali, Garrus, and James all go through the traumatic experience of being sole (or almost sole) survivors. Tali goes through this twice, because the comics show that before she even met Shepard she lost the team she’d been traveling with. (And that’s not even counting the fact she also loses a chunk of her team on Freedom’s Progress. They use this trope with her a lot.) Liara loses her mother in the first game and she has almost no reaction. Shepard dies in the beginning of the second game and spends the rest joking about it, with very few opportunities to express anything but humor over the situation.
People respond to trauma differently, and the game is also told primarily from Shepard’s point of view, so consequently we only see what Shepard sees. All of these characters likely grieved in private, and they definitely do carry scars (literal and figurative) from what they’ve gone through. But I also think that Mass Effect likes making characters go through objectively traumatic things without fully considering how someone might act coming out of it. In fairness, that’s the fun of fanfic, and I also do think everyone on the Normandy has some degree of experience in compartmentalizing because they simply don’t have the time to sit down with their feelings. (A lot of them are also just averse to doing this.)
But exploring that trauma is what I’m interested in the most, and that’s how I approached Nadia. Earthborn is my favorite background for that reason. It’s not a single event that’s shaped their life thereafter, but a sustained stressful environment they endure for years and only escape once they sign up with the Alliance. And in that regard, Nadia rather sees it as trading one cage for another, but that’s neither here nor there.
Like, to go back to Hadestown (I swear I’m not going to write Hadestown meta on this blog), “When the Chips are Down” is one of my favorite numbers because it so accurately describes Nadia’s response to poverty. “How can you expect me to care about another person and put their wellbeing above my own, when doing that will result in my own death? How can you expect me to trust another person, when that could result in my own death? How are you going to lecture me on having no morals when if I had prioritized morality, I never would have survived?” (This is something I love bouncing off Kaidan, but I’ll get to that later.)
In other words, and this is an incredibly obvious thing to say, poverty is traumatizing and violent. It is an incredibly violent thing to put another human being through, to make them worry for their basic safety, to live their day to day in a constant limbo of uncertainty that permeates every facet of their life. Will you be able to eat today? Will you be able to sleep in a safe environment? Can you trust this person you’ve never met? Will trusting them endanger what little safety you’ve managed to achieve? How much money do you have? How long can you make that money last? Where will you be tomorrow? How about the day after?
This is something that leaves its mark on anyone it touches. It’s hard enough for an adult to plan for the future when they don’t have the luxury of knowing how they’ll even survive the week; when you’re a child, and that sort of stress is all that you’ve known, how do you even imagine a better life when you’ve known nothing different?
Before I get any further, I want to pause for a moment. Something that’s always been curious to me are the codex entries for Earth. Here’s a portion of ME1′s codex:
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Here’s a portion of ME3′s codex:
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(Written transcripts of the complete codex entries at the links.)
In both of them, they talk about how humanity is in a new golden age. A lot of pollution and common diseases have been eliminated. The colonies have brought in more resources. There's even been some correction to the damage early climate change caused. Then the Fire Nation—I mean, Reapers, attacked and ruined all of this. Except, take a closer look at ME1′s codex:
“While every human enjoys longer and better life than ever, the gap between rich and poor widens daily. [...] Less fortunate regions have not progressed beyond 20th century technology, and are often smog-choked, overpopulated slums.”
This seems incompatible with the idea of Earth being in a golden age. How can Earth be thriving if the class disparity is growing, not narrowing? How can Earth be thriving if entire swaths are still "smog-choked” and using centuries old outdated technology?
It’s not incompatible if the idea is that Earth has entered a golden age only for the ones who can afford it. And this is the reality Earthborn Shepards were raised in: the idea that their suffering is an unimportant, insignificant underbelly to an otherwise “prospering” homeworld.
So, resuming with that in mind: the way Nadia sees it is that to allow poverty to exist is an inherent societal failure that reflects on the government. This is why Nadia has no loyalty to the Alliance, and why she doesn’t trust them. This is why she subsequently has no loyalty to the Council, and why she doesn’t trust them, either. It doesn’t matter that the Alliance and the Council weren’t personally responsible for her childhood, because they’re still governments. She knows that governments will lie and exploit and allow for people like her to fall through the cracks if it will benefit them. She knows they will broadcast only the best of what they have to offer while conveniently pretending people like her don’t exist.
Like, personal politics aside, as shown above with the codex entries, this is just...canon. And Thane’s loyalty highlights poverty on the Citadel through Mouse and the concept of “duct rats,” so we know that it exists there, too. How the Council presumably feels about poverty on their station is outlined if you speak to Avina on the Citadel in the second game:
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AVINA: Asari futurists believe poverty cannot be eliminated without “cornucopia” technology, which will create anything the user desires. Such technology is unknown outside science fiction.
Essentially: yeah, unfortunately, poverty exists on the station, but what can you do? Believing poverty is avoidable is actually utopian and therefore unrealistic, sorry! 
But when you meet Anoleis on Noveria as Earthborn, he can literally tell you poverty doesn’t exist on Sur’Kesh. (And sure, he could be lying, and we have no proof either way. It doesn’t erase the fact that, at the very least, the existence of widespread poverty is something that even a corrupt and money embezzling salarian thinks is an easy jab.)
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ANOLEIS: My homeworld is clean. Poverty is non-existent. If you take some perverse pride in that overheated, acid-washed slum, that is your business.
There’s nothing about the Alliance and poverty that I know of¹, which makes sense considering the main branch of the Alliance we see throughout the games is its military branch. There are still plenty of instances in the trilogy where the Alliance does exploit the vulnerable, or attempts to cover up their self-inflicted shortcomings. An obvious one is with Kaidan and Conatix; Kaidan literally tells you the Alliance is the one who “made mistakes.” That in their haste, they allowed a man to brutalize children for the sake of research. And when it backfired, they sealed the documents and pretended it never happened.
UNC: The Negotiation is one of my favorite ME1 missions for this reason, too—it highlights a part of the Alliance the series doesn’t really focus on otherwise. Darius tells you that the entire reason he’s operating in the region at all is because the Alliance is the one who set him up there. 
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DARIUS: You see this gun? This is your gun. Your military set me up here, and now it wants to pretend it doesn’t know me! But I know the truth. The Alliance needed me here! So treat me with the respect I deserve!
SHEPARD: You said we set you up. Did the Alliance give you weapons?
DARIUS: After the batarians were driven out of the Verge, the Alliance wanted to stabilize the region. I had the strongest syndicate in the area. They gave me the weapons and money I needed to take over.
After the mission, Hackett implies the entire reason he sent renegade Shepard to cover a diplomatic negotiation is because he expected and wanted them to kill Darius, because he was now more trouble than he was worth.
HACKETT: I’m sorry that you were unable to negotiate with Darius peacefully. His death is regrettable. Nevertheless, the resulting chaos will create a power vacuum that makes future raids upon our miners unlikely.
SHEPARD: You didn’t think I’d negotiate with him. You wanted me to kill him.
HACKETT: Sometimes extreme measures must be taken to ensure humanity’s safety. Or did you think you were the only one willing to break the rules to get the job done?
(Link, so you can watch the mission yourself.)
None of this is me saying the Council and the Alliance have no redeemable features whatsoever, or that they have never contributed positively to galactic wellbeing. It’s just me citing instances in canon that support why Nadia has the opinion she does of them, and why she’s not exactly incorrect in having them. 
So, to loop this back around to Kaidan? As I said, he’s not a stranger to government-level negligence. But Kaidan had a much different reaction than Nadia did, and this is something that absolutely fascinates her once she finds out.
Before that, though: the two of them don’t really hit it off in the beginning—though they’re both still professional—and this is mainly due to Nadia being, well, Nadia. She is not a people person and she never tries to be, which consequently makes her off-putting to most people. On her end, she’s generally unimpressed and uninterested in the people around her. She sees a lot of them as puzzles to be solved and then to move on from, or threats to assess.² The rare times someone does pique her interest enough to act on it, she still prefers to not linger around for long. So, you know, just general unhealthy behavior.
So, Eden Prime is illuminating for them both. Like, on Kaidan’s end: Nadia comes off as callous. She doesn’t care about the colonists, she doesn’t care about Jenkins’ death. On Nadia’s end: Kaidan comes off as naive. How has he been a marine for this long and she has to tell him to suck it up after someone dies? (This is one of the reasons why she didn’t want to work with regular marines again; in my canon, Anderson had to needle her³ into accepting the Normandy position.)
But the truth of it is that the reason Nadia comes off as callous is because she’s thoroughly desensitized. Like, when you grow up poor, on the streets, and in a gang? You’re both witnessing and being put through a lot of traumatizing situations. Akuze, of course, only adds onto this. There’s this one dialogue option in the beginning of the second game when Miranda and Jacob are assessing Shepard’s memory, and while Nadia doesn’t take this option in canon, it is how she feels:
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JACOB: You enlisted, and you survived a thresher maw attack that wiped out the rest of your team. Do you remember that?
SHEPARD: Yeah, I remember it. Everyone screaming, gunfire, blood everywhere. I was the only one focused on survival.
Paragon Shepard focuses entirely on the other marines: how they were their friends, how something like that can destroy you if you let it.
Renegade Shepard barely thinks of anyone else at all. There were fifty other marines on Akuze, and renegade Shepard thinks they survived simply because they were the only one focused on it. For Nadia, that’s because that’s what her entire life has already been until that point.
Look, there are a lot of different ways to play renegade; it runs a much larger gamut than paragon, in my opinion. Nadia is more of a neutral renegade. She’s not particularly bigoted, just dispassionate and apathetic⁴. She resorts to violence and intimidation because it’s the easiest way to control her surroundings, not because she thinks what she’s doing is particularly righteous⁵. This can get brought up in Samara’s loyalty when talking with Morinth:
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MORINTH: Violence is the surest expression of power.
SHEPARD: Violence is a means to an end. Power is that end.
Like, Nadia is a person who’s had to live a life surrounded by violence, not because it’s what she initially chose, but because it was repeatedly inflicted on her. She didn’t have the luxury of nursing her compassion and generosity, or of prioritizing morality. Those things would’ve gotten her killed. What she focused on instead was survival: the best way to survive, the easiest way to survive, the way that consistently ensured her own safety. This meant violence, and in order to survive, she became very good at inflicting violence.
That’s what I meant when I said Nadia thinks she traded one cage for another: the Alliance wasn’t freedom in the truest sense; she’s still doing what she ultimately would’ve done if she had remained with the Reds⁶. She’s just doing it with government approval and a steadier paycheck. She knows she’s still being used, and it’s only who’s using her that’s changed. All that’s to say, she isn’t an N7 ranked infiltrator because she feels strongly about protecting Alliance space and dirtying her hands to do it. She’s an N7 ranked infiltrator because it’s simply what she’s good at.
One of my favorite renegade lines in the entire trilogy is during Thane’s loyalty because it perfectly highlights Nadia’s philosophy on her situation:
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SHEPARD: Your father and I have killed a lot of people. You haven’t. There’s no reason you should start.
To Nadia, her life is what it is because of the circumstances she was raised in and the decisions she made in response to that. She doesn’t deflect blame for the sort of person she’s become; she holds herself the correct amount of responsible.
She kills people for the Alliance, she kills people for the Council, she kills people for Cerberus. Other Shepards might dress it up differently when death is unavoidable: “it’s a shame, but it was necessary,” said along with the appropriate amount of guilt. Or: they were a terrorist, they were a mercenary, they forced my hand. To Nadia, it’s all death, and there’s no inherent difference between killing someone “to protect humanity” (read: protect the Alliance’s interests) or killing someone “to protect the galaxy” (read: protect the Council’s interests) and simply killing someone in a situation paragon Shepards would deem unnecessary. And to Nadia, if you haven’t had to live a life like this—why start? You still have other options. Use them.
One thing I love about Hadestown is how it discusses the simple accessibility of being able to live your life, let alone live it virtuously. Like whether or not I agree with that, it’s an interesting thing to explore, and it gets brought up multiple times:
“When you’re hungry and there ain’t enough to go round / ain’t no length to which a girl won’t go / [...] and sometimes you think / you would do anything / just to fill your belly full of food” 
“See how the vipers and vultures surround you / and they’ll take you down, they’ll pick you clean / if you stick around such a desperate scene / see, people get mean when the chips are down” 
“Aim for the heart / shoot to kill / if you don’t do it, then the other one will / [...] nobody’s righteous / nobody’s proud / nobody’s innocent / now that the chips are down” 
“Go ahead and lay the blame / talk of virtue / talk of sin / wouldn’t you have done the same? / in her shoes / in her skin / you can have your principles when you’ve got a belly full” 
“I did what I had to do / that’s what they did too” 
“Some flowers bloom / where the green grass grows / our praise is not for them / but the ones who bloom in the bitter snow” 
Again, I’m not going to meta about Hadestown⁷ and the precise context for these verses are different in that canon (for starters, Eurydice never kills anyone), but the concept is similar: when you’re poor, you’re often driven to desperate measures to survive. Sometimes that means stepping over other people, or otherwise ignoring how your actions will affect them. Often, this is to your own detriment. And it’s really, really easy to cast judgment on the poor people driven to these decisions when you were never in their position. It’s really easy to just live when you’re not in a situation where you had to worry about your survival on a day-by-day basis.
I bring up Hadestown because it’s a nice conduit to explain Nadia’s issues. She’s not renegade because she thinks she’s on a crusade and anyone who gets in her way is acceptable collateral damage. She’s renegade because her survival depended on it, and as Sha’ira points out, it’s what has allowed her continual survival:
“I see your skin, tough as the scales of any turian. Unyielding. A wall between you and everyone else. But it protects you, makes you strong. That strength is what kept you alive when everyone else around you was dying. You alone survived. You will continue to survive.”
For her to survive her childhood, she had to step over other people and put herself first. This meant not allowing herself to get close to other people, and to not care about them beyond what they can give her to ensure her own survival.
And this is why Kaidan interests her. Kaidan’s response to brain camp wasn’t to minimize the importance of his morality, it was to double down on it. (Yes, partially to his own detriment, but that’s a different post.) His response wasn’t to distrust others, because after all, one of his defining characteristics is his compassion. It’s just that Kaidan’s inclined to troubleshoot everything, even his interactions with other people. He might be “once burned, twice shy” but he’s not going to be “once burned, byedon’tfollowmeI’mgoingtorelyonlyonmyselfforever.”
Like, he still wants to help...
SHEPARD: So why are you telling me this? Are you saying I’m cutting corners somewhere?
KAIDAN: I’m saying...it’s probably inevitable that we’ll have to. And when that happens, I want to help you. When someone important to you is up on a ledge, you help them. Keep them from mistakes better made by a kid.
SHEPARD: I’m a big girl, Alenko. I don’t need your help.
KAIDAN: I didn’t say you needed it, I said I’m offering it.⁸
...even though his desire to help (because he cares, because he thinks it’s the right thing to do) is precisely what led to the culmination of his trauma.
KAIDAN: He hurt Rahna. Broke her arm. She reached for a glass of water instead of pulling it biotically. She just wanted a drink without getting a nosebleed, you know? Like an idiot, I stood up. Didn’t know what I was gonna do...just, something.
He figures out what went wrong and tries to avoid repeating that mistake. He doesn’t just stop trying at all. He doesn’t lose his faith in having faith.
It’s antithetical to how Nadia responded to her own circumstances, and she can’t quite process the logic behind...why you would be this way. It’s not that she expects everyone to be like her. She’s seen a lot of different people traumatized, and consequently a lot of different ways people have reacted to trauma. It’s more like: “fool me once” is enough for Nadia. There are no second chances after that. She sees no point in ruminating over why something went wrong. Just accept that it did. (Or don’t, but never think about it, anyway.) She thinks living any other way is akin to, I don’t know, laying down in a snake pit right after one just bit you. Stupid, in other words.
(I should also clarify: this is mainly when it concerns people. She will troubleshoot when it comes to things like tech.)
Like, I’ve joked about this to a friend, but when Nadia first reads Kaidan’s file⁹ her impression is: alright, boy scout. Then she actually meets him and she thinks her assessment was more or less spot on, and she loses whatever vestiges of interest his file did manage to leave despite its otherwise boy-scouty-ness. 
But the thing is, Kaidan isn’t naive. He chooses to have the faith he has in the Alliance despite what they’ve put him through. He’s acutely aware that the Alliance is capable of mistakes, because he’s been on the receiving end of it—yet he still wants to help and feels that as a biotic, the Alliance is his best avenue to do that:
KAIDAN: I’m not looking for “the dream.” I just want to do some good. See what’s out here. 
KAIDAN: Commander, I thought real hard about how to use my talents. When I swore the oath to defend the Alliance, it wasn’t on a whim.
Like, Nadia thinks Kaidan giving his loyalty to the Alliance is a stupid reaction, yes (in fairness, Nadia thinks loyalty to organizations in general is stupid), but it still fascinates her precisely because Kaidan has some semblance of an idea of what the Alliance’s negligence can and has caused, and yet he still continues to put his faith in them. Kaidan hasn’t had the easiest life¹⁰, but instead of closing himself off, his reaction was to give the Alliance a second chance, to still place his faith in others, all because he still wanted to do some good.
It’s not what Nadia has done, and she can’t say she understands it, but realizing that Kaidan isn’t the ignorant boy scout she pegged him as goes a long way when it comes to the development of their relationship. (For instance: it allows the relationship to develop at all, lmao.) And the development of their relationship is one of the early domino pieces in a long line of dominoes that sets Nadia down a much healthier path.¹¹
~
¹ We do know, however, that the Alliance does offer to pay college/university tuition in exchange for serving with them in some capacity, thanks to conversations with Traynor and Ashley.
² You know that one Iron Bull banter with Cole where he talks about how one of the first things he does when he meets a new person is to figure out the best way to kill them? Yeah, that’s Nadia.
³ This is because Anderson’s brain is huge, and he understood no one can forever live life the way Nadia was living hers unless they’re a death seeker.
⁴ One of the most in character renegade lines in the trilogy is, once again, during Thane’s loyalty (a big reason why it’s one of my favorites: it’s really, really good Nadia content) when you choose the first renegade check during the interrogation. Shepard sounds so bored, so matter-of-fact. That’s the kind of renegade Nadia is.
⁵ This is probably worse to some people compared to “hard” renegade, since at least “hard” renegade can genuinely believe in what they’re doing, even if others consider it evil. Fortunately, I don’t care.
⁶ I don’t really think she killed anyone during her time with the Reds. (Or, if she did, it was only one person and it would’ve been near the end of her time with them.) I think they primarily used her for cybercrime. She still would’ve witnessed and been expected to participate in a lot of beatings, etc. And, as previously said, had she stayed with the Reds I do think this would’ve ultimately progressed into her killing for them, too.
⁷ Though if you enjoy criticisms of capitalism, an exploration into the traumatizing effects of poverty, and an ultimately hopeful message that meaningful change is possible even when everyone is conditioned to believe it’s not, I recommend giving it a listen. It’s easy to follow along through audio alone, but you can find a low quality bootleg pretty easily, too. (Be warned that some of the songs will differ from the official album recording, though.)
⁸ If the remaster brings better lighting to Kaidan’s little hub area and doesn’t hideously whitewash him like in ME3, this is absolutely one of the first things I’m going to gif because it’s one of my favorite moments in the entire romance.
⁹ Nadia reads the files of everyone she’s going to work with, not because she’s particularly interested in them, but because she wants to know what level of incompetency to expect.
¹⁰ Unrelatedly: ask me about my headcanon about how disgustingly rich Kaidan’s family is, and how much Nadia wants to kill him when she finds this out.
¹¹ This is absolutely not saying love, romantic or otherwise, cures her lifetime worth of unpacked trauma.
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ameliasnormandy · 5 years ago
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Broken Joker
The three of them went on their way. Shepard watched the people that watched her. It was hard watching them watch her. Their faces weren’t right. They were angry at her. She couldn’t understand if it was that they were angry that she was wearing a helmet, or if there was something hidden in their argument. The three of them walked outside and that is when Shepard saw the beacon, but she refused to think about it, no there was Joker to worry about. Joker was something she could fix, and right now there weren’t a lot of things that she could fix. The world felt wrong, again. It felt like it had moved on, and she had stayed the same as she was. Nothing about her had changed, but everything and everyone had changed, but she didn’t want to think about that. No, she wanted to focus. Focus on Joker.
              There were no words that were spoken until they got to the arena. “Have they put VI into the system?” she asked.
              “No, not yet,” Miranda said, looking around. “We are working on getting VI’s up.”
              “Is that the best decision?” Shepard asked, looking over them, and taking a deep breath in.
              Vega stopped for a second. “Why would that not be the best decision?”
              “For the reason that the Reapers were built in the first place,” Commander Shepard said, looking at Vega. She didn’t know what they knew, and she wasn’t sure what she needed to tell them to make sure that the same thing didn’t happen again, but without ruining everyone either.
              Miranda looked at Shepard. “How much did you learn while you were there?”
              Shepard walked away for a few seconds, and then stopped herself. “What did you learn about my time up there?”
              Miranda shook her head. “I asked you first.”
              “I want to know what you know. I don’t know how much information got back to you. I can’t imagine a lot of information got back to you, but I guess it is possible.”
              “We barely know anything about what happened up there,” Miranda stated.
              “You have to know something,” Shepard said. She walked a little further from them, was about to say something, but decided against it until they were closer to her again. “You knew that Captain Anderson was shot by the Elusive Man, and I don’t remember telling anyone that during the fire fight, and the after math, so what happened? How did you know that?”
              “It’s a hard question to answer.”
              “It shouldn’t be. I mean there are only a few ways you could have done it, so just tell me how you did it,” Shepard said.
              “Please, not now,” Miranda said.
              “Alright,” Shepard said, and looked away from her. “You are right. I have to go fix Joker. Vega, will you inform both the rest of my team, and Admiral Hackett that I will be a little late to our meeting. Apologize for me and do your best to make sure that it is sincere.”
              “I am the king of sincere, Lola,” Vega said.
              “I would have pegged you for the king of crashes,” Shepard said, laughing.
              “You crash one shuttle,” Vega said, shaking his head.
              “That is all that you need to crash,” Commander Shepard said, walking into the arena. Miranda followed right behind her.
              “I will see you guys there,” Vega said, walking away. “Unless you think that you need my help.”
              “I think we can handle a guy with vroliks syndrome,” Shepard said, walking into the building. “Do you know where he might be?”
“No, but he shouldn’t be that hard to find, right? Look for a guy with crutches or limping around making bad jokes.”
“His jokes weren’t that bad,” Shepard said, with a smile on her face.
“You enjoy his jokes?”
“They brightened up the ship, and he made it feel like things weren’t as bad as they were,” Commander Shepard said, looking around the room. “Do you see him?”
“No, but I’m thinking he won’t be too hard to find soon.”
“Why?” Commander Shepard asked, looking around to see if Miranda had seen Joker, but Commander Shepard still couldn’t see him. She didn’t know if Miranda was seeing something that she couldn’t or if Miranda just knew something that Commander Shepard didn’t.
          ��   “Because the main reason he got kicked out was because of you,” Miranda said, looking at all the people that were looking at her companion.
              “Me? What did I do?”
              “You died,” Miranda said flatly. “He didn’t take your death well.”
              “And without EDI I am sure that it made him harder.”
              “Some of us have debated that one,” Miranda said, looking around the room. “If he still would have had the breakdown he did if EDI was alive.”
              “And?”
              “Kaidan believes that he still would have. He said that he saw Joker after the first time that you died and that this was worse than that, and he was grounded the first time it happened. Vega believes he still would have, but it wouldn’t have been so bad.”
              “And you?” Commander Shepard asked, taking a few steps further into the room. “What do you believe?”
              “I don’t think he would have. I don’t think EDI would have let him.”
              “He really cared about her.”
              “He really cares about you.”
              “He was a good man, and a better friend, though I could say that about a lot of the men that I served with in my time as Commander Shepard.”
              “You still are her.”
              “For now.” Commander Shepard didn’t say anything for a few moments, and instead kept looking around the room. She looked toward the bar and that is when she saw him. “There,” she said, pointing to someone leaning against the bar. “That’s him.”
              Miranda didn’t question Commander Shepard, she knew that if Commander Shepard was sure than it was probably the truth, it was probably Joker. The two of them walked over to the bar. Commander Shepard leaned against the bar. “So, who finished that sludge of a drink?” Joker didn’t say a word. “Was it Cortez?” There was still no response. “Garrius? Wrex?” Still no response from Joker. “Come on Joker. I know it would have had to have been one of them. Unless, was it Javik? If it was Javik I will have to tell him that he should have laid off you.”
              Joker finally spoke, but he didn’t look over at Commander Shepard. “I don’t know who you are, but leave me alone or…”
              “Or you’ll what?” Miranda asked, rolling her eyes. “You’ll break a bone on us.”
              “No, he’ll just tell you jokes until you roll your eyes so far back you die,” Commander Shepard said, laughing. “You know one of my favorite jokes he told?”
              “No, what?”
              “How many humans does it take to fix a dormant Mass Relay?”
              “I don’t know how many?”
              “602. 600 to vote on it. 1 to ask an asri for help, and one to ask for a seat on the council when it’s done.” Miranda rolled her eyes. There was a slight drunken chuckle from the silent Joker. “There was one that Garrius told Joker that insulted most of the people on the ship, and the best part was Joker was the punchline.”
              “I was not the punchline, I was the set up,” Joker finally said, turning around. Joker froze when he saw who was leaning against the bar beside him.
              “My mistake,” Shepard said, leaning back just a little further. “Good to see you Joker.”
              “Who are you?”
              “You tell corny jokes to all the pretty girls,” Shepard asked, pretending to be upset.
              “I’m not looking for a hooker,” Joker said, and then leaned in to look at Miranda. “What are you doing with a hooker?”
              “She’s not a hooker,” Miranda said.
              “Do hookers wear helmets now?” Shepard asked.
              “What does she mean by now?”
              “Thank you, Joker. Thank you for everything. Thank you for being there for me when Thesia got destroyed and thank you for being with me during Cerberus thank you for it all,” Shepard said, looking down at him.
              “What new game is this?” Joker asked, glaring at Miranda.
              “No game this time,” Miranda said.
              “Stop fooling around.”
              “I still owe you dinner,” Shepard said, leaning just a touch into Joker. “I mean after all I did use you as bait.”
              “It can’t be.”
              “It is.”
“Commander Amelia Sheperd,” Joker said, breathlessly.
“You know I was sure no one knew my first name. No one ever uses it. Actually, I had a conversation with Doctor Chakwas about this exact thing and she said it was because she had too much respect for me.”
“It can’t be you…”
“I’m not a clone,” Commander Shepard said, probably a bit too loud. It seemed to loud to her. “Clones don’t have the same handprint or memories for that matter.”
“We saw it explode,” Joker said.
“I know, but I survived.”
“I can’t believe it. We left you.”
“I would have been upset if you wouldn’t have. You did everything right.”
“We left you,” Joker said again. “You were alive we should have saved you.”
              “You couldn’t have known that I was alive. You did the right thing, but this, this isn’t you, and this isn’t right.”
              “You’ve seen me drink,” Joker stated, looking at Commander Shepard.
              “I’m not talking about the drinks. I am talking about you, and this place. The last time that I heard you talking about a place like this, you said that you would never need it, and yet here you are, and more than that you are actually shooting things. What got into you?”
              “Your death. EDI’s death. All of the people that I thought would protect me and I would be with forever, just died.”
              “I used you as bait once.”
              “Yes, but you made sure that I wasn’t actually shot.”
              “Maybe, but I still used you as bait.”
              “You were doing it to protect…”
              “Myself.”
              “Everyone. You needed to use me as a distraction.”
              Commander Shepard shook her head. “This is the last thing that I wanted. I never wanted people to think so highly of me they forgot that I was just a person.”
              “A person that has saved the galaxy three times.”
              “And you have saved my life that many times and more. There is no reason for you to think that I am anything, but a person.” Commander Shepard looked toward the door of the arena. “Take a look Miranda I think we found their missing person before they did.”
              “What are you talking about?” Joker asked, also looking toward the door. He then saw what Commander Shepard had seen. “What do they want?”
              Commander Shepard looked at the Alliance soldiers and then at Joker. “They want you.”
              “Why? They grounded me almost a year ago today, I was discharged soon after that.”
              “What did they discharge you for?”
              “The better question is what didn’t they discharge me for. They wrote me up for about everything in the book, but they refused to call it a dishonorable discharge because of my service with you.”
              “I’m glad that I was able to help,” Commander Shepard said, looking away from Joker. “They should never have taken your ability to fly away. It is the one thing that you live for, and no one should have taken that away from you.”
              “It wasn’t your fault,” Joker said. “But I don’t know what they want they have been following me for days.”
              “I might have some ideas about that,” Commander Shepard said.
              “Jeff Moreau,” one of the alliance soldiers asked, looking at Joker.
              “No, she is,” Joker said, pointing toward Miranda.
“What am I not funny enough to be Joker?” Commander Shepard asked, giving Joker the softest of nudges. “Do you think you can fly me around the galaxy again?” Commander Shepard asked, looking toward Miranda.
“Hell, yes, Commander,” Joker said, already standing up from the table and nearly stumbling.
              “I wasn’t talking to you,” Commander Shepard said, looking at Joker and then turning her attention to Miranda. “I was talking to her. She is after all Joker, the best pilot about to be reinstated into the Alliance Navy.”
              “I’m getting reinstated into the Alliance Navy?” Joker asked with the giddiness of a small child.
              “No, I’m sorry Miranda, you will probably be allowed to work with the Alliance, but you were never actually part of the Alliance.”
              “They are getting everyone back together?” Joker asked.
              “Most likely it will just be the humans, since it is an Alliance mission, but who knows who we might find on the way. So, what do you say Joker, ready for another adventure with me?” Commander Shepard asked, looking at Joker. Joker seemed a little upset about this, but decided that he wasn’t going to tell Commander Shepard about it until later. “But there are a few that haven’t agreed to it yet.”
              “Who hasn’t agreed yet?”
              “Well you were one of them, but I assume that you’re coming with me and Miranda…”
              “And the soldiers,” Miranda added.
              “Yes, and the soldiers that this is your way of accepting your new position. Miranda and Jacob are two more, and that leaves one, and I am not sure who that is.”
              “I know, and it’s not you were hoping it would be Joker,” Miranda stated, looking at Shepard.
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annakie · 5 years ago
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An Annotated Mass Effect Playthrough, Part Nine
Previous Posts: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Wheren we run out of sidequests, so we head back to the Citadel already.
With the quest log pretty empty, I didn’t feel like flying around the galaxy hoping to bump into something Hackett wanted me to do already, so let’s go finish up some of those loose sidequests and pick up some more!
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I didn’t grab a screenshot of this, but one of the mods (faster elevators maybe?  Or MERe?  IDK!) COMPLETELY removes the scanning component from getting on and off the ship.
I don’t remember the exact origins of this, but one tick Annakie Shepard has is... she really really fucking hates being scanned.  And it probably was because of how long the scanning bit of getting on and off the ship here took, but I used to always try to outrun it if possible, or at least put up the effort.  I’m so glad it’s not here at all.
The only acceptable scan is Chakwas scanning her for medical reasons, and even that is just barely ok.
Anyway, here we are, freshly not-scanned, heading right down to C-Sec to... oh no what’s this?
Ah.  Yes.   Mikhailovich.  Here for inspection.
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One of the reasons I cheat in Paragon points is that it’s nearly impossible to ever make Mikhailovich happy unless you don’t come back to the Citadel for a very long time.  So maybe I could have gone to Noveria and done the Paragon Point Cheat, but one cheat or another, doesn’t really matter.
The Mikhailovich encounter is another one of those things that didn’t have to be in the game, but is great worldbuilding.  Not everyone agrees with the Normandy being built, or the turian design, etc.   Mikhailovich is right that some of the things we built here could have been tested in a lab, you know.  It was a huge chunk of money, but it’ll be wrong later in thinking it’s a waste.  He also again shows that people aren’t sure that working super close with the turians is a good idea, which, again, he’ll be wrong about, but it’s a good thing to see differing opinions on a lot of things.
Anyway, I like this bit not only for that reason but to see Kaidan’s salute.
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Finally, after lingering at the dock for who-knows-how-long while the Admiral inspected our ship, we get down to C-Sec, ready to...
Oh what’s THIS now?
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Time for another interview, this one a little more voluntary.  
Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani, Westerlund News.
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She’s a character I have very mixed feelings about.
On one hand, well, I used to love to punch her out.  And now I never do.
She’s clearly digging for an angle here in her interviews.  She’s reporting for humanity, not the council races or galaxy as a whole.  But answering her diplomatically here, she’s another character who questions you and what you’re doing, but doesn’t actually step over any lines.  It’s more when you get testy with her here, she gets touchy back.
It would be a shitshow with the fanboys I think if you took out the option to hit here.  But wow that moment... didn’t sit right, especially when it was an MShep doing it but it’s not a great look for Femshep either.  Nobody should hit ANYBODY unless it’s actually necessary.  Getting your feels hurt by a few tough, even unfair questions... does not call for punching.
Especially today when we’re already getting scary close to losing freedom of the press.  Being diplomatic with her really nets the best responses in 2 and 3, as well.
And maybe if we hadn’t just gotten raked over the coals by Mikhailovich it’d be less grating to then get questioned by a reporter.  But I find it interesting how the game keeps pushing and questioning Shepard, and maybe even trying to find holes where maybe Shepard or the Alliance isn’t completely right, or could be questioned.
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Damnit, Chorban and Jahleed.  Just kiss, already, neither of you are trying to kill the other!!  
I do love that Chorban figures everything out based on your scans... just like... a couple of years too late.  Anyway, I already finished all the scans, no way I’m not finishing this quest with Chorban for that sweet XP.
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And YOU, using a girl with no undercover experience and putting her in Chora’s de-- what’s that?  Conrad dies if I end this quest early?  SIGH.
Also... Gideon Emery.  So you’re fine.  All is forgiven.  I’ll do your dirty work.
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Helena Blake!  I DEFINITELY won’t forget to go speak to her, get back on the Normandy, do another planet quest, realize I didn’t speak to her, then go back to the Citadel just to actually pick up this quest, then pretend later on in this update that I remembered to speak to her all along!
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I mean, speaking as if I were someone who hasn’t played the next two games, this is DEFINITELY SUSPICIOUS right?
I guess in a way, we did pull our gun on Conrad all along.
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Just give me the damn mods.
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Honestly, I love this part of the quest because you can COMPLETELY fuck up by being too goody-goody.  I have probably had to reload after mindlessly clicking paragon answers more times than I care to admit.  This time, I remembered to not obey the law.
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The second reason I wanted to come back to the Citadel is that after one planetary mission, Morlan’s Iconic Armor shop (which, again, is thanks to ME1Recalibrated) sells special armor for Kaidan, that looks like his ME2 armor, so he has his own unique look.  
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A picture from later, once the armor texture is loaded correctly.  (Turns out it required a restart.)
I LOVE IT.  Thank you, MERecalibrated team!  Welcome to Kaidan’s look for the rest of the game.
Let’s head up to the presidium!
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Whoops, shoulda brought Ashley along.  I’m sure whatever he wanted to talk about can wait til later.
BTW, that gif isn’t sped up.  
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If you don’t have the console enabled and aren’t setting your out of combat runspeed to at least 800 whenever you’re anywhere you have a lot of running to do, then consider doing so.   I’ve found 800 is the perfect amount of fast without leaving me slamming into walls constantly
The annoying thing is that every time you have a major area transition or have to reload the game, you have to do it again, but after the first time it’s 4 keystrokes.
` then up arrow, then [enter], then ` again.
Also your companions may fall behind, but that’s only an issue for the places they have ambient dialog.  So mostly I start using it on the Citadel after going everywhere once, and then most of the time on the Normandy and sidequests.
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Oh let’s talk to this nice lady.  Oh no, her sister has been kidnapped, how sad!
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Well, the poor woman deserves my help, I’m sure it’s all on the up-and-up.  Sure, I’ll rescue your sister!  I’m glad we have this friendly relationship that will be profitable and non-lethal forever!
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You DID know that Anderson and Udina comment on each major mission afterwards, right?  It took me more playthroughs than I care to admit to discover this.
Also, this is a kind of humanizing moment for Udina here.  He tells us how the council isn’t happy that we lost the prothean ruins at Therum, then Anderson stands up for us (we love you, Space Dad), and then he actually really backs off and says in a much softer tone “I know, I know.  But we all get judged on how you behave.”
And again, we’re not meant to love how he says it, but um, Udina is right.  Everything we do has repercussions throughout the Citadel, and sometimes the Galaxy.
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Poor Liara, the only one left without an iconic armor in ME1.
Also, like Tali earlier, she hilariously has lines in quests we turn in or make updates to that she has no business knowing about.  I guess she read all the questlogs while traveling back to the Citadel.
While we’re here on the Citadel, let’s take a flycam visit around to the edge of the room, shall we?
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So we’re heading out, towards this building, past the Mass Relay sculpture.
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What you can see as soon as you’re near it and then over it, is that that building hides the seam where the water meets map.
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From just beyond it, there’s the apartment-looking building, for whatever reason you can see through the textures on the other side, leaving just the roofs/floors visible (the slats).
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It took quite a while to go this far, but eventually, you can find the invisible wall where the cars spawn from, and not long after, the map ends.  The map is very curved, btw, that’s no illusion.  There’s no chance you could see this far without flycam.
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Looking back, you can see the bridges in the distance, but the Relay sculpture and where Shepard is standing is very far away, quite difficult to see even if the full-sized screenshot.
I love how huge these maps are.  It makes the illusions really work and the sense of scale works BECAUSE it is actually just... that big. 
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Well, back to smaller issues.
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Again, a great quest not only from a memorability perspective, but a worldbuilding one.
How does religion work in this galaxy?  Well, some people still have it.  Enough that there’s laws in governing how people are able to spread that religion.  I think that the council actually enacted a fairly sensible law here -- they cannot allow zealots to take over near the seat of government, but also people should be free to worship as they please.  
I myself am a person of faith who, despite being brought up in a HIGHLY Evangelical movement, now very much believes that people should be able to worship as they choose, (or not at all!) but also that faith is a private matter and shouldn’t be forced on others.  
So yeah, the hanar is being unreasonable, but should still be spoken to with respect.  It’s good that this particular hanar takes it well.
I am honestly dying to know how the hanar deal with the absolute proof that the Enkindlers were just... people.  I mean we saw the one hanar in ME3 react to Javik, but you have to think that the religion as a whole must get shaken up a great deal after the game ends.
Also... seriously read Mass Effect: Annihilation (the quarian ark book).
Anyway, I like resolving this peacefully and getting the hanar to leave peacefully.  Calling someone a big stupid jellyfish is hilarious in the moment, but not so nice once you think about it.  
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Ah, Michael and Rebekah.
I love this quest because... it’s not cut and dry.
I don’t think either of them is wrong. I think they’re facing a tough choice and they both have good points.
For a long time, though, my response has been that it’s Rebekah’s body, her choice.  
But the funny thing was, this time when I was playing, I didn’t see this as just an allegory to a woman’s right to choose.  From Michael’s POV, it’s more of an allegory to Anti-Vaxx.  Obviously back in 2007 when the game came out Anti-Vaxx wasn’t nearly as much as a concern as it is now, so I love that this small part of the game actually grew more meaningful over time.  
Yes, there’s a SMALL chance you could hurt the child from the procedure, but a greater chance of harm if you don’t.  I had a harder time choosing this time, like, oh, am I going to lean a bit more towards being pro-choice, or pro-vaxxination?  I’m pro both of those things??
I still sided with Rebekah.  Mostly because I know the kid turns out OK either way.
Well, for a couple of years, at least.
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Emily!  You changed your clothes!  What’s that?  You want me to plant bugs?  Won’t someone notice?
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Guess not.  Not even this bug.
I’m sad that this is the last we’ll see of Emily Wong face to face.  But hey, a good reporter, and good person.  :salute:
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Kahoku... thank you for finding out about Cerberus and telling us.  The first time we hear the word I think, in the game?  
You will be avenged.
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Welp time to head up to the ship and go off on some sidequ--
I mean... Uh, time to go talk to Helena Blake, OBVIOUSLY.
(Also Liara you cannot climb that wall, stahp.)
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I love them having just a bad bitch like Helena with her sneaky-plan to kill her business partners so totally above the board by Shepard, but hey, she’s just a concerned citizen giving tips to law enforcement, right?  She’s awful, and she knows it, and she’s cool with it.
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Well, since Ashley magically appeared in the party without me going to the Normandy AT ALL, as long as we’re here, let’s go talk to Samesh Bhatia
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A great moment for Ashley, remembering her friend, and treating her husband with so much care and kindness. OBVIOUSLY we can do this very easy thing for him.
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Fuck, this just got a lot more complicated.
I love this quest because it puts you between a rock and a hard place.  Again, neither side is wrong.  Samesh SHOULD have his wife’s body back.  But it IS important research.
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For a long time, I didn’t give a shit about the research and would get the body back, no matter what.
But so many more lives are saved with the research.  So this time I ask him to understand, and he does.  But it never sits quite right, either way.  
As my other SciFi favorite franchise* reminds us in one of its most poignant moments...  Sometimes the needs of the many do outweigh the needs of the one.
Okay now we’re heading back to the Normandy for the first time this update, and next time, back out into space!
*Star Wars is a Space Opera, not SciFi.
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